#They wrote it so beautifully I eventually fell in love

[silentglassbreak]

They say vampires and werewolves are enemies.. and all over the world they are usually at each others throats.. but Noah isn't at yours.. he's had a taste for you from the moment he met you.. He just can't get enough of you.. he keeps it secret from his family (coven/pack) until they find out... Your choice which side is which... I would prefer a happy ending but drama and and a sneaky smutty relationship would be awesome, hidden away trying to hide from their respective sides! How Noah's boys take it before they are EVENTUALLY accepting? Or.. does he leave because he prefers to go with his love?!? But yes, forbidden supernatural romance if you could? You are absolutely amazing!

Well, I already wrote Noah as a vampire so for the sake of variety…

After Writing Notes: So, I know this ask implied the reader, but my female character needed an identity. My apologies. Also...I'm sorry. Hope you enjoy!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Smut, blood, violence, character death...It's a vampire/werewolf fic...and it's angsty. Fair warning.

Jaded

Her lips, painted cherry red, were parted so beautifully, her eyes fallen closed. My tongue licked a long stripe up her core, making her body shiver in excitement. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, fingers tangled in my hair as she pressed her hips against my face.

"Mm, that's it baby boy." Her back arched off of the armchair. "Just like that."

Following her instruction, I focused my attention on her clit, sucking down hard, humming into her. Her moans fell out of her mouth so softly, making her sound even more exquisite than she usually did.

"Ugh, if you keep up, I'm going to come."

I breathed out a laugh at that, pulling her thighs in closer, attaching myself to her.

"Baby, please. I need to feel you. I need you to fuck me."

It was tempting to ignore her, continuing my assault on her pussy, but her begging always did something to me. It was too good to resist.

I stood up, unbuckling my belt and opening the front of my slacks. Her hand reached up to palm at my erection over the fabric of my boxers. I placed a hand over hers, pressing it harder where I needed it, my eyes rolling back in my skull.

Her fingers found the opening, letting my cock free, and licked her lips. I had to lean down, placing a knee on the side of the chair, so I could line myself up to her, pressing in slowly. The feeling drew the most beautiful groan from her throat.

She was struggling to breathe through my thrusts, eyes wild and teeth bared.

I had almost forgot, but the desperation in her eyes reminded me.

Without interrupting my rhythm, I reached over to the table next to the chair, gripping the steel blade tight. Quickly, I swiped it over my pectoral muscle, opening a long, deep wound. Blood began pouring out, falling onto her face.

She hissed, mouth falling open, the first few drops landing directly on her tongue.

Her hands gripped my neck, pulling me down so she could bury her face in the blood streaming from my chest. Her lips wrapped tightly around the wound, her voice humming in pleasure and appreciation.

My hips snapped forward, the burning feeling on my skin just adding to the frenzy that I had began, my breathing becoming hoarse.

"I'm going to..." I ground my teeth together, trying to focus. "I'm going to fucking come."

She pulled back, lips covered in the viscous red fluid. "Come for me, baby. Come for me."

"Fuck." I pulled back, gripping my cock in my fist, pumping it over a few times before my release hit me, landing on her chest and stomach.

She smiled, my blood staining her bright white teeth. The look on her face was wild, and something about it pulled somewhere deep inside of me.

I collapsed on the chair next to her, pulling her up onto my lap. Her lips met mine, and I tasted the salty, metallic flavor on her tongue. I had grown accustomed to it, so it never bothered me.

We stayed there, breathing heavily and coming down from the high that we had been riding for the last hour.

She looked up at me, eyes tired and smirking. "Do you regret it?"

She asked me the same question every time. What had once been a serious ask had now become a joke between us.

Running a hand up her leg, I pressed my forehead against hers.

"Never."

“And what happens if they catch us?” Her finger was tracing down my jawline, goosebumps rising on the skin underneath.

I considered this, as I did every time her and I found each other again. What would happen?

I would be exiled at the very least. Banished to roam the hills alone for the rest of my pitiful existence…

But her? There was no chance that she would survive that. Jesse wouldn’t stop until her neck was on a stake, face mocking every last one of her Coven anytime they decided to come knocking…

The thought made me shudder, and I knew that she felt it.

“It’ll never happen, so there’s no sense in us stressing it.” She stood off of me, fleeting over to where her dress had been discarded a while before.

The house around us creaked, deep within the hollow, the only place we could truly be alone. Our safe haven was also so dark and damp, not an ideal setting for the blooming feeling we were spreading here every third night.

“But what if it does?” I leaned forward, balancing my elbows on my knees, and gazed up at her.

She smoothed her raven black hair down, placing it back into the clip effortlessly. Her teeth were back to their regular state, having been satiated plenty for the evening.

“Now, why would you go saying something silly like that?” She stood over me, leaning down, her chest nearly falling from over her corseted gown. Instinctively, I licked my lips, meeting her deep emerald irises.

“I have to.” Standing as well, now towering over her, and running a hand down her cheek. “One of us should.”

She waved a hand dismissively. “I disagree.” Her hands searched idly on the dark floor for her heels. “Now come, mi amor.” Slipping each shoe on, she held a hand out for me to follow her. “The festival will be starting soon, and we have to show face.”

I had already redressed, pulling my belt taut and my jacket on.

The Occult Festival was a tradition in our secluded town, attempting to desensitize the local people to what was happening all around them - right under their ignorant noses.

Like myself, her family had a large hand in the festivities put on throughout the weekend. Despite being long-standing rivals, we got to play nice for these next forty-eight hours. For optics, of course.

“Luna?” I stopped her after we stepped out of the crumbling building, now out in the open where safety was always an issue.

Her fingers squeezed mine as she looked at me. “Yes?”

Calming my racing heart, I sighed, doing my best to communicate my emotions into my grip on her.

“I love you.”

She let her lips pull up gently, a breath releasing.

“Te quiero más, amante.”

-

“Noah!” I turned my head, seeing Nick jogging up to me. I was loading the last of the festival supplies into the back of Jolly’s truck, ready to be taken back to storage.

“What’s up, man?”

The look on his face concerned me, so I stood at my full attention. “Jesse wants to see you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “For…?”

“I don’t know, dude. Just mentioned to ask you to come to the house after we finished here.”

I groaned, leaning on the tailgate. “He’s going to bug me about the ‘mate’ thing again.” I rubbed my eyes with my hands.

Nick mirrored my stance, bumping shoulders with me.

“Is it so bad? He just wants you to find someone.”

I eyed him knowingly. “He wants me to find a mate to procreate with…” This made Nick chuckle. “It’s archaic, dude. This is the twenty-first century. We don’t need to arrange relationships to insure the pack doesn’t die out.”

Nick nodded. “I agree, brother, but he’s not going to let it go. You’re the only one of the Epsilon who haven’t mated yet.”

“And I shouldn’t have to! I’m a warrior, not a fucking breeder.”

He winced at that. “C’mon, Noah. You know we don’t call them that anymore.”

I shrugged, turning to lock the tailgate. “Might as fucking well. That’s what it is.”

Stalking through the front door, I let it slam heavily behind me. I walked through the large estate, feet pounding on the hardwood floors. I could already smell the food, so I made my way to the kitchen, hoping to find Jesse there.

As my instincts would have it, he stood at the stove, towel hung over his shoulder, stirring something in a pot. I cleared my throat, making my presence known, hands folded in front of me.

“Noah, you don’t have to be so stoic.” Jesse chuckled, not even turning to look at me. “Relax a little, huh?”

I stepped further into the room, sighing, and leaning a hip against the island.

“You wanted to see me?”

He turned, tasting something on the end of his spoon. “I did.” He nodded in satisfaction, wiping his hand on the towel before looking directly at me.

“How was the festival?”

I nodded smugly. “Boring. Flawless. Same as every year.”

He smiled warmly. It was a joke of an expression.

“That’s good, I’m glad to hear it.” He moved around the island, moving to walk past me. “Follow me?”

I did as I was told, and as we passed the dining room, he waved to his wife, who was setting the table.

“Dinner in ten, Amelia!” She smiled brightly at him.

We walked into his office, him locking the door behind us.

“Noah, I need to show you something.”

He stepped behind the large oak desk, unlocked a drawer with a key kept on the ring in his pocket. He slipped out an envelope, and handed it to me.

I inspected it, getting a whiff of the sour, rusted smell of blood.

We only got correspondence in blood from one place…

“Open it.”

Robotically and carefully, I pulled the page from it's place in the envelope, noting the thinly written scripture.

‘I only have so much patience, dog. I will not tolerate any reckless endangerment to my Coven. Keep your boys in line, or I’ll make sure to send them back to you in pieces.

Condolencias,

Señora

“And what happens if they catch us?” Her finger was tracing down my jawline, goosebumps rising on the skin underneath.

I considered this, as I did every time her and I found each other again. What would happen?

I would be exiled at the very least. Banished to roam the hills alone for the rest of my pitiful existence…

But her? There was no chance that she would survive that. Jesse wouldn’t stop until her neck was on a stake, face mocking every last one of her coven anytime they decided to come knocking…

The thought made me shudder, and I knew that she felt it.

“It’ll never happen, so there’s no sense in us stressing it.” She stood off of me, flowing over to where her dress had been discarded hours before.

The house around us creaked, deep within the hollow, the only place we could truly be alone. Our safe haven was also so dark and damp, not an ideal setting for the blooming feeling we were spreading here every third night.

“But what if it does?” I leaned forward, balancing my elbows on my knees, and gazed up at her.

She smoothed her raven black hair down, placing it back into the clip effortlessly. Her teeth were back to their regular state, having been satiated plenty for the evening.

“Now, why would you go saying something silly like that?” She stood over me, leaning down, her chest nearly falling from over her corseted gown. Instinctively, I licked my lips, meeting her deep emerald irises.

“I have to.” Standing as well, now towering over her, and running a hand down her cheek. “One of us should.”

She waved a hand dismissively. “I disagree.” Her hands searched idly on the dark floor for her heels. “Now come, mi amor.” Slipping each shoe on, she held a hand out for me to follow her. “The festival will be starting soon, and we have to show face.”

I had already redressed, pulling my belt taut and my jacket on.

The Occult Festival was a tradition in our secluded town, attempting to desensitize the local people to what was happening all around them - right under their ignorant noses.

Like myself, her family had a large hand in the festivities out on throughout the weekend. Despite being long-standing rivals, we got to play nice for these next forty-eight hours. For optics, of course.

“Luna?” I stopped her after we stepped out of the crumbling building, now out in the open where safety was always an issue.

Her fingers squeezed mine as she looked at me. “Yes?”

Calming my racing heart, I sighed, doing my best to communicate my emotions into my grip on her.

“I love you.”

She let her lips pull up gently, a breath releasing.

“Te quiero más, amante.”

-

“Noah!” I turned my head, seeing Nick jogging up to me. I was loading the last of the festival supplies into the back of Jolly’s truck, ready to be taken back to storage.

“What’s up, man?”

The look on his face concerned me, so I stood at my full attention. “Jesse wants to see you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “For…?”

“I don’t know, dude. Just mentioned to ask you to come to the house after we finished here.”

I groaned, leaning on the tailgate. “He’s going to bug me about the ‘mate’ thing again.” I rubbed my eyes with my hands.

Nick mirrored my stance, bumping shoulders with me.

“Is it so bad? He just wants you to find someone.”

I eyed him knowingly. “He wants me to find a mate to procreate with…” This made Nick chuckle. “It’s archaic, dude. This is the twenty-first century. We don’t need to arrange relationships to insure the pack doesn’t die out.”

Nick nodded. “I agree, brother, but he’s not going to let it go. You’re the only one of the Epsilon who haven’t mated yet.”

“And I shouldn’t have to! I’m a warrior, not a fucking breeder.”

He winced at that. “C’mon, Noah. You know we don’t call them that anymore.”

I shrugged, turning to lock the tailgate. “Might as fucking well. That’s what it is.”

Stalking through the front door, I let it slam heavily behind me. I walked through the large estate, feet pounding on the hardwood floors. I could already smell the food, so I made my way to the kitchen, hoping to find Jesse there.

As my instincts would have it, he stood at the stove, towel hung over his shoulder, stirring something in a pot. I cleared my throat, making my presence known, hands folded in front of me.

“Noah, you don’t have to be so stoic.” Jesse chuckled, not even turning to look at me. “Relax a little, huh?”

I stepped further into the room, sighing, and leaning a hip against the island.

“You wanted to see me?”

He turned, tasting something on the end of his spoon. “I did.” He nodded in satisfaction, wiping his hand on the towel before looking directly at me.

“How was the festival?”

I nodded smugly. “Boring. Flawless. Same as every year.”

He smiled warmly. It was a joke of an expression.

“That’s good, I’m glad to hear it.” He moved around the island, moving to walk past me. “Follow me?”

I did as I was told, and as we passed the dining room, he waved to his wife, who was setting the table.

“Dinner in ten Amelia!” She smiled brightly at him.

We walked into his office, him locking the door behind us.

“Noah, I need to show you something.”

He stepped behind the large oak desk, unlocked a drawer with a key kept on the ring in his pocket. He slipped out an envelope, and handed it to me.

I inspected it, getting a whiff of the sour, rusted smell of blood.

We only got correspondence in blood from one place…

“Open it.”

Robotically and carefully, I pulled the page from it's place in the envelope, noting the thinly written scripture.

‘I only have so much patience, dog. I will not tolerate any reckless endangerment to my Coven. Keep your boys in line, or I’ll make sure to send them back to you in pieces.

Condolencias,

Señora Ladrón’

My hands wanted to tremble, but my self control held them in place, maintaining my composure. I looked up at Jesse.

“When did you receive this?”

“Yesterday at midnight.” He chewed his lip. “Any ideas?”

Shaking my head, I slipped the message back into the envelope. “Someone has been fucking with the Coven?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Fucking with, or…”

I nodded, understanding what he was insinuating.

“I have no idea which of our brothers could be that stupid. I’ve gone over it so many times. I can’t imagine the Ladrón family take lightly to intermingling species.” He rolled his eyes. “I would bet it’s Luna. She’s always been a bit of a whore.”

My spine twitched, but I held steady.

“We need to get ahead of this, Noah. We don’t need this kind of heat.”

“I understand.” I dropped the parcel down onto his desk, straightening my back and maintaining eye contact with my Alpha.

He shrugged, coming to stand in front of me. “I would feel a lot better if you would choose a mate already.”

I couldn’t hide the eye roll. “Why is that?”

He lowered his gaze, making my head bow instinctively. “You know why.” He stepped closer. “The vampires have us outnumbered. If they decide our existence is no longer necessary, then they have a hell of an advantage over us.”

I didn’t speak.

“And you running rogue, refusing to fall in line doesn’t exactly look good for us, does it?” His voice was so deadly, it made my skin crawl.

“No, sir.” I answered obediently.

His hand clapped my shoulder, indicating I was free of my submission.

“Do some research on this. Report back to me by Friday with what you’ve found.” I nodded, turning toward the door for my exit.

“Noah?” I turned my head, hand placed on the doorknob. “Don’t fuck this up.”

-

Her phone was going straight to voicemail for the eighth time, and I snarled, throwing my phone across the room. It landed hard on the floor after bouncing off of the wall. I fell down onto my bed, hands tightening in my hair and pulling.

How could this have happened? We had been so careful. Our meetup spot was far enough out of town that neither her family nor mine would ever stray far enough to pick up on our scent. It didn't make any sense.

She knew better than to tell anyone about our secret meetings, let alone anyone in her family. I never left my scent on her, ensuring to keep my hormones in check while I was with her. I knew her mother could smell a wolf from miles away, but I'd never take that kind of a risk.

I would wait a full forty-eight hours to phase prior to seeing her, that way the lingering smell of my blood would wash away after she fed. We had the perfect system, taking the time to plan it over and over before actually meeting for the first time.

It had been a year that Luna and I had been seeing each other. I knew it wasn't right, going against every force of nature that existed. I couldn't help it. She was different. She wasn't like any other vampire I had ever met.

I let her drink from me only days after we slept together the first time, knowing full well that we would be connected deeply once she had. She was mine, and I would never be able to let her go. She understood me. She didn't see me as the Epsilon leader, or a member of the pack. She saw me for who I was...a man.

Frustrated and wired, I opened my bedroom door, barreling through the house. "Whoa, where's the fire?"

Nick's voice made me stop, my shoulders tensing. I turned to see him at the end of the hallway, staring at me inquisitively. I glared at him, and he narrowed his eyes.

"What's going on?"

Continuing my path toward the door, I heard him following me. I didn't answer his question, choosing to brush past it.

"Noah!" His hand caught my shoulder, and I slapped it away, turning around, getting inches from his face.

"Back off, Nick!" My voice was booming, my chest puffing. Nick didn't back down, one of the few pack members who wasn't afraid of me.

"Fuck that, Noah! Something's going on. You've been in your room pacing for fucking hours!"

I took a step back. "I've got to be somewhere."

He followed after me. "Where could you possibly need to be at midnight? We don't have patrol tonight."

"I need to fucking think, okay?"

I opened the door, but stopped when I heard his voice behind me.

"Are you going to see Luna?"

My blood ran cold, and my pupils blew wide. Without thought, I rushed him, pressing him against the wall with a forearm to his throat.

"What did you say?" Is this how I was found out? Did my brother actually rat on me? To the vampires, no less?

"I know about you two. I have for a while." His hands were clawing at my arm as he struggled under my hold. "I didn't tell Jesse, man. I didn't tell anyone."

Searching his face, I saw his eyes shining. He was being honest.

I dropped him from the wall, and he took a moment to choke out a breath. "How do you know?"

He stared at me, disbelief in his eyes. "Jesse ordered me to follow you. Three weeks ago."

My eyes widened.

"He wanted to know where you would disappear to for days at a time."

I raised my eyebrows. "And?"

He looked at me incredulously, as if I had the nerve. "And..." He scoffed. "I found you and her going into the hollow, at the old Berringer place." My chest heaved, heart threatening to burst out of my chest. "I didn't tell anyone."

"Why?"

He rubbed his neck, moving to sit down on the couch in the living room. "Because you're my brother?"

Taking a breath, exhaling through my nose, I forced myself to calm down.

"Noah, I'd never tell anyone about you two, but you have to know that what you're doing is dangerous." He shook his head. "If the Coven finds out about you two?"

I hissed, turning my head. "I know, Nick."

He sat back, arm falling over the back of the couch. "That's not even mentioning what Jesse would do."

Letting my head fall back, I chuckled. "I don't care about Jesse. So what if he exiles me?"

Nick's face fell, a shocked expression on his face. "Is that what you think?"

I scrubbed a hand over my face. "That's what he did to Folio when he fell in love with that one girl. The one from California?"

Nick stood then, hands balled into fists. "That was a human he mated with, Noah." His hands came up to grab my arms, working to get my full attention. "Luna isn't human, dude. She's a fucking vampire."

He dropped his arms then. "And not just any vampire. She's the Countess' daughter!"

Hearing the words out loud put a new perspective on this.

"You think Jesse would have me killed?" My tone was even.

Nick shrugged. "I don't know, man. But if it meant keeping the peace with the Ladróns? I don't think there's a lot he wouldn't do."

I growled, squeezing my eyes closed. "I need to talk to her. Maybe she'll want to leave with me."

Nick took a few careful steps away from me, bewildered. "What?"

"I've thought it out, and that's the only way. We'd have to go far, as far as we can. Maybe South America, or Asia?"

"Noah," He ran a worried hand through his hair. "you're not actually considering leaving your entire pack for a vampire, are you?"

I grit my teeth, a warning. "She's not just a vampire, Nick." Exhaling a breath, I tried to keep my voice calm. "I love her."

"You can't just leave, Noah! The pack needs you!"

"For what?! To ward off rival packs? To keep the fucking vampires at bay?! Jesse's got you and the rest of his good ol' boys to do that."

I could see the offense on Nick's face, but he ignored it.

"Have you let her drink from you?"

I wasn't expecting that. To be fair, it was a pretty vital question.

"She hasn't bit me."

"So she hasn't tasted your blood?"

I was silent, not able to maintain eye contact with him. I could tell he was pissed off now.

"God damn it, dude! You know what that means!" He shoved a hand into my chest, knocking me a few steps back.

"I do."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Wouldn't have let her if I wasn't."

Sucking his teeth, he moved away from the doorway he had been blocking, waving his arm toward the exit.

"Well, fine then." He turned the knob, opening the door for me to leave. "Go for it, Noah. Abandon everyone who loves and cares about you for a bloodsucking tramp who will probably double-cross you anyway."

Ticking my jaw, I shot daggers at him. "That's enough, Nick."

"No! No it's not! I'm your brother, Noah! I have been since we were five years old! And you're just going to run away with her? You decided to mate with her? You didn't even tell me!"

"I couldn't tell you!"

"Why?! Afraid I'd tell Jesse? Well, I fucking didn't! So what the fuck?!"

He was right. Nick was the closest thing I had ever had to actual blood. I was always alone, from the time I was a child. His family raised me, took care of me since my parents died. I owed him more than this.

"Nick..." I stared up at him. "I love her. I don't know what else to do."

It took a moment, but I saw the rage calming in his eyes. He moved, standing a foot away from the open entryway, and motioned again.

"Then go. But if you do? You can't come back. I hope you know what you're doing, Noah."

-

I ran, full speed, as fast as I could, through the moss and the trees, the only light catching around me was the harsh white moonlight. The ground was wet and soft under my feet, making the worst squelching sound when I finally halted. The scent came strong in my nostrils. I was exactly two miles from the Ladrón estate, the gates less than two hundred feet away.

I padded silently up to the fence, my pitch black fur blending into the forest around me. I could smell her from where I stood, but she wasn't inside. Her scent wasn't close enough, and I didn't know where she was, but I could feel her.

Once mated, Luna and I had formed the kind of bond that didn't require words or regular communication. We could feel each other's souls from sometimes miles away. I needed to find her.

I continued to trek through the woods, heading closer to the town, but keeping far enough from the highway so as not to be spotted. Her scent picked up closer to the hollow, so I followed our usual trail. She took a hard left off of the path, and I tracked her all the way to the lake.

Mostly overgrown and abandoned, I stopped and watched as I saw her sitting on the pier, cross-legged and hunched over staring into the water.

Taking a moment to form back into myself, I slipped the clothes I carried with me on, and walked toward her.

She knew I was there, she had to. Even from several yards away, I could hear her soft cries.

"Luna?"

Her head snapped up, and she looked at me. I caught the sight of her blood covering her right cheek, and broke out in a run, falling to my knees in front of her.

"What happened?" I inspected the large laceration, wincing at the depth of it. Someone had done a number on her.

"My mother-" Her voice cracked, her hands reaching up to hold my arms. "She knew I was hiding something." Her entire body was shaking, and I pulled her close to me.

After a moment, she finally continued. "She had her men..." Her entire body trembled. "Noah, they did such awful things."

I squeezed her tight, my rage hardening inside of me. "They found out I was mated."

"Okay, it's okay."

She pulled back, tears falling, mixing with the blood on her face. "No it's not! She said she wanted a name, or she'd have the entire pack slaughtered!"

"Did you tell her it was me?"

Her eyes pleaded with me. "I had to. I didn't know what to do." She pressed her face into my chest. "Noah, please, I'm so sorry. Please."

Petting her hair, soothing her, I hummed in her ear. "It's okay, baby. I've got you. No one's going to find us."

Her eyes looked up at me, green shining as bright as stone, like the night sky over the water. "They won't?"

Sitting completely, I pulled her into my lap, rocking us gently back and forth. "We'll leave, tonight. We'll get out of here, and they'll never see us again, okay? They won't find us, Luna. I promise."

Her arms pulled around me tight, nearly crushing my rib cage.

"Noah," I looked down at her. "They drained so much from me. I can't run. Not right now. I barely made it here."

I pursed my lips. "What if you fed?"

She shook her head. "It's not enough. I have to rest, or I'll never get anywhere. I'll just slow us down."

Nodding, I held her close.

"Were you followed?"

"I don't think so. I doubt they even realized I'm gone yet."

I moved to stand, pulling her with me. "Alright, we'll wait it out until morning. Then, we're gone."

Luna stared directly up at me, trusting me with every fiber of her being. I guided us up the pier, back into the darkened woods toward our safe haven in the hollow.

-

The sound woke me before her hands on my shoulders did.

"Noah! Someone's here!"

My eyes snapped open, and I sat upright, pulling her protectively toward me. We had fallen asleep only a few hours before, tucked in the bedroom of the condemned house we had learned to call home more than our own. I could feel her shaking in my grasp, my hands doing my best to steady her.

My senses were disillusioned. Someone had blocked the scent outside, which was never a good thing.

"Come on out you two. We don't want to come in after you." A voice called from outside. I recognized it anywhere.

Jesse.

I was frozen, unable to comprehend it. How had he found us? Nick hadn't told them. He wouldn't. Were we followed?

"Noah..." His voice was stern now, stricken with authority. "Now."

My breath shook, and I looked at her. "Noah." Her lip was trembling. "We have to go out there."

Closing my eyes, I gripped her wrists, looking at her dead on. "Stay here."

"What?"

"Luna, stay here. No matter what happens. Just stay inside."

Her tears were forming again. "Noah, you can't. If they hurt you-"

"They will." I swallowed hard. "You have to stay here."

She shook her head, now fully sobbing. "Please, Noah. Don't. Let's just run! I might be strong enough now."

"No. We'll never make it." My eyes scanned the house. "They'll get us before we even make it out of the house."

Biting my lip, I gripped her face, pressing my forehead to hers.

"I love you, Luna."

She grabbed my hands, breathing heavily. "I love you, Noah."

I stood, then, taking a deep breath and straightening my shoulders. My feet felt loud walking to the door, and I mentally willed myself to open it, peering out into the pitch black woods.

Just below the front porch, Jesse, surrounded by the remainder of the Epsilon stood, a small fire built in front of them. I sighed, dropping down the steps.

"What do you want, Jesse?"

My eyes scanned across the entire pack, noticing Nick standing just to Jesse's left flank. His hands were tucked neatly behind his back, as studious as ever.

"Huh," Jesse looked at me through curious eyes. "is that any way to address your Alpha, Noah?"

Tightening my jaw, I took a step toward him. "You've obviously found me out."

He nodded, moving toward me, hands in his pants pockets. "That, I have."

"How?"

Smirking, he let out a small snicker. "Well, your little girlfriend wasn't hard to follow."

I narrowed my eyes. "You're not supposed to hunt the Coven. It's against the laws."

He rubbed a hand over his mouth, scratching at his beard. "You're right, I'm not. However," His eyes bounced around behind me, looking at something over my shoulder. "I wasn't the one who followed her."

Hearing it before I could turn around, the sound of feet racing into the door caught my attention. My body whipped back toward the house, but before I could run, heavy hands had my arms and shoulders, holding me firmly in place.

I turned to see Jolly and Matt on either side of me, faces unwavering.

"No!" I barked at them. "Don't! Let me go!"

"Noah, you really should just let this happen. You brought it on yourself."

The shrill sound of Luna's screams ripped through the darkness, and I watched as two large, bulky men dragged her forward from the doorway, hands on her arms. She thrashed in their grip.

"Let me go, cabrón!" Her hair whipped around violently as she fought against them. "Te mataré! Mataré a tu familia!" She cursed them, but they were unwavering, pulling her.

"Mija." The ice cold voice made us both stop, and I craned my neck to look behind me.

The tall, slender figure stood, only a foot to the right of Jesse, eyes dark as night, piercing into mine.

"Mama..." Luna's voice faltered, the men throwing her to the ground onto her knees.

"How could you disappoint me this way?" Her mother, the leader of the Coven, shook her head in disapproval. "I knew you were stupid, but I didn't realize you were quite this idiotic."

Her voice held no empathy. No emotion.

"Mama, you have to understand-" She pleaded with her mother, but was silenced when she lifted a hand between them.

"Enough." Her eyes turned to Jesse, then. "Tell me, wolf," She then glared at me, piercing daggers. "give me one good reason why I shouldn't wipe out your entire pack right now?"

He sucked his teeth, sighing heavily. "I won't lie, Señora, this is a shock to us all." He stared back at me. "Noah is one of our best, so it's a shame."

"You know what I demand to make this right."

His eyes fell, his shoulders rounding. "Is there nothing else I can do to atone?"

Answering with her gaze, he nodded. She wanted me dead, I could feel it.

"Mama, no! Don't!" I felt the arms holding me pressing me forward, closer to the fire, and pushing me down onto my knees. "He didn't do anything! He's innocent!"

"Silencio! I will deal with you back at home!"

I was silent, having long accepted this was my fate. As long as Luna survived, that was all I cared about.

"Please!" Her voice was screaming, breaking with each word. "You're wrong! You can't do this!"

Señora Ladrón approached me, skin white as the moon overhead. It wasn't until she was less than a foot away that I saw the shining blade in her hand. Silver.

Closing my eyes, I relaxed, taking a deep breath.

This was okay. I never belonged here, on this Earth. I was put here in a pack that never understood me. Never believed in me. I was an outcast amongst misfits; if only I hadn't been so lucky.

And to make matters worse, the only woman I could connect with, feeling any depth for, was a fucking vampire. A cosmic joke, my life truly was.

Thank goodness it was ending, that way I didn't have to fuck it up anymore.

"Alpha, stop."

The words rang through the impending silence, and my eyes cracked open.

I saw the hand on Jesse's shoulder, and my stomach sank.

"Nick? What is it?"

No. No. No.

"I have to confess." The woods were deadly quiet, all noise ceasing in that second.

"Yes?"

All eyes fell on my brother, and I felt my body beginning to shake.

"Noah is innocent." My jaw fell open, arms pulling against the hands on me. "He was hiding Luna for me."

My eyes flashed to Luna, who looked as stunned as I did, still sat on her knees in the dirt.

"Don't, Nick!" I called, but I was silenced by a harsh slap to the back of my skull, credit of Jolly.

"We're in love. We have been for months."

"Stop!" A fist landed on my jaw, trying to silence me. It wouldn't work. "He's lying!"

"Noah, I won't let you die for me!" He called to me, and I begged him with my eyes. "I asked Noah to get Luna to safety, and I would meet them in the morning. We were going to run away."

The tall, treacherous Countess stared down at me, and then at Luna. "Mija? Is this true?"

I could see the shock in her eyes, incapable of speaking. The tears flowed down her face.

"Luna!" I screeched at her. "Tell them he's lying!"

After a split second, her eyes flashed to me, and I swore I saw an apology.

"No!" I fought against the hands holding me. "No! Nick, no!"

Jesse's head fell, sighing heavily. His hands grabbed Nick's shoulders, gripping them firmly. "You're sure?"

He knew. He had to have. Nick would never...

But he was met with a curt nod, his deep brown eyes landing on the approaching vampires, now circling him.

Jesse just stepped back, shrugging his shoulders, and closed his eyes.

"No!" I pulled and fought, but I was caught in a death grip. "Nick! Please! No!"

I turned to face the Alpha, pleading. "Jesse! You know he didn't do it! Please! Don't let them-"

But before I could finish, I saw the shine of the blade, a stun on Nick's face, and after that all I saw was deep, flowing blood...

The woods were so still, the only movement was his body falling to the ground.

"NO!" My voice crested, chest roaring to life. "Nick!" I finally managed to break loose from the hands that held me, but it was too late.

My hands grabbed his head, cradling him in my lap, his life pouring out over me. His eyes were still open, a cold, dead stare looking back at me.

That's what he was...

My brother was dead.

Hunching over him, my body shook, hard cries ripping through me. My hands stroked his hair, staring into him.

"Please." I pulled at the hair on his scalp. "Please, wake up. Please don't do this to me."

It was useless. He was gone.

"Come. We have other matters to deal with."

My eyes shot up, watching as the men from before grabbed Luna, dragging her into the forest. She screamed and fought, but I wasn't prepared to save her.

Not now...

"Noah?" The voice that called me was foreign to me now, no Alpha of mine.

I only looked at him, not allowing him to meet me face-to-face. I refused to leave my brother on the ground.

"Your involvement in all of this," He gestured to the body in my arms. "for the death of your brother," I snarled, warning. "it's grounds for exile."

Not feeling a response was warranted, I only elected to gather enough blood from my busted lip on my tongue, spitting at his feet.

He cackled, crouching down next to me. "I don't want to see you around here again, got it? If I do, I'll make sure you don't worm your way out of it again."

And before I could spit directly into his face, he was gone. They all were. Just ghosts in the night.

I was left, alone, with what was left of my brother, and the glow of the fire bouncing off of the trees.

The only sound that filled the night then were my harsh, broken screams.

[menlove]

some of the gayest things i did w my girl besties as a kid that haunt me daily even though i'm almost 25

laying on the hot cement of the playground watching the clouds, talking about which boys we'd date in class, and i look over at her and notice how the sun is turning her black hair slightly red in the sun and sigh and say "i wish i were a boy, 'cause then i'd date you"

made a new best friend a little after her who was a year younger than me and i wanted to live inside her skin, a little bit, and went over to her house constantly. i drew her silly art, those weird emo blobs from the mid aughts, and she hung it up on her door. we joked about being married a lot. when i had to move away across the country, one night i was staring up at the moon while listening to a love song and started sobbing wondering if she was also looking at the moon. i never texted her again.

when i was 12 i fell in love with a girl for the first time i knew about. i had just gotten over being weirded out by gay people & when the kids in class started whispering about us being dykes, my teacher called home about it. i cried my eyes out in a red pickup truck with my mom as i told her i was in love with her, but it was fine because she was straight. i was drinking a red slushie.

once with that same girl, we went on a field trip to a nearby science museum. it was within walking distance and she held my hand the whole way, even though we were too old for it. at some point i started swinging her hand and knocking into her and laughing and eventually she just picked me up, put me on her back, and carried me the rest of the way while we laughed. at the museum, she kept finding me and holding my hand again. i went home that night, so giddy, and just kept thinking about her hand in mine and didn't even care about what the rest of the kids were whispering

in february, before that, she'd asked me which girl i had a crush on in class because i'd posted about it on tumblr. it took me a half hour to finally tell her it was her, blushing to my ears as we walked around the perimeter of the playground (we were at a small private school with less than 100 students, so even the middle schoolers got to use the playground), refusing to look at her. she told me she didn't feel like that, but i was still her best friend and she wasn't mad at me or weirded out. if one of us were boys, she said, maybe it would've worked out. her mom moved her back to california at the end of the school year. i never saw her again and she wasn't allowed to talk to me. she messaged me once, years later on here, to tell me i was pretty in a prom dress i'd tried on. she blocked me later.

i wrote down a story about her, a year later, for 8th grade english class. in it, i imagined that she'd never left, and that she'd kissed me while we laid in the grass, mixing up my stories and my life. my teacher looked at me with such a soft sadness and told me it was very beautifully written. she wanted me to submit it to a contest. it won.

[luxetobscuritas-blog]

books that magically found their way into my home this month.

The Latern of Lost Memories by Sanaka Hiragi

Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu

Medusa by Jessie Burton, wonderfully illustrated by Olivia Lomenech Gill

The Full Moon Coffee Shop by Mai Mochizuki

Sämtliche Erzählungen / The complete stories by Adalbert Stifter

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

What you are looking for is in the library by Michiko Aoyama

Selected Works of the Brontë Sisters

Sorcery and Small Magics by Maiga Doocy

Back in summer, I stumbled upon Sweet Bean Paste by Durian Sukegawa and I fell in love with its atmospheric simplicity while simultaneously addressing important issues like loneliness, illness and the societal discrimination that comes with it. I was intrigued to read more Japanese fiction, and it seemed like I wasn't the only one. Bookstores in my town jumped on this interest as well and in a section specifically decorated for Japanese fiction, I found The Latern of Lost Memories and What you are looking for is in the library.

Carmilla is a book that I absolutely adore and I've been eager to replace my worn-out edition, filled with post-its and notes, with a beautiful hardback version, and I've stumbled across this gem last week. I am just waiting for a rainy evening to cuddle myself into a warm blanket with some freshly brewed tea before I let myself get lost in this wonderfully haunting gothic classic.

Medusa has a special place in my heart as it quite beautifully rewrites the myth of the Gorgon monstrosity, highlighting the vulnerability of being human amidst unjust power dynamics. Medusa explores the difficulties and challenges of being a woman in a world made by men and also the struggles men eventually face in the world they've created against men and women. The narrative is both heart-breaking and heart-warming, capturing the complexities of gender in a profound way.

I couldn't resist taking The Full Moon Coffee Shop with me. There are cats on the cover, and the story revolves around a magically appearing café entirely run by cats. :3 I've got pretty high expectations of this little tale.

I also recently purchased Adalbert Stifter's "Sämtliche Erzählungen" to delve a bit deeper into the nuanced craftsmanship of this often-overlooked literary figure. Amongst lovers of his stories, he is celebrated for his profound exploration of nature, human emotion, and moral philosophy.

Howl's Moving Castle was a pre-order from Fairyloot, but I received it this month. Ugh, this book and the movie just feels like home to me, and I know that I am not the only one. I got a little teary-eyed because whenever I revisit stories, movies, or games from my childhood that have carved themselves into my heart, I realize how much time has passed and how fleeting life is, but it's a great reminder to appreciate the magic that not only surrounded us as children, but that is still there in adulthood. We just have to be willing to see it.

The Selected Works of the Brontë sisters consists of classics that are an absolute necessity to my little library. I've always loved classics where female characters and the portrayal of femininity challenge societal norms, a passion that began during my university days when I wrote term papers on gender and femininity in Victorian literature. The Brontës’ powerful narratives continue to inspire with their bold depictions of women navigating a heteronormative, restrictive society.

Sorcery and Small Magics was part of Fairyloot's October adult-subscription box that I receive monthly. It's the first book of "The Wildersongs Trilogy" and the story revolves around Leovander Loveage who specializes in small magics, like summoning butterflies or turning hair into different colours. Powerful spells always backfire on him, so he swears not cast them ever again. But after a forbidden spell binds him to his nemesis, Sebastian Grimm, they must find a counterspell, and their search leads them on a journey filled with monsters and outlaws, and Leovander needs to confront his true magical potential. Of course this wouldn't be a typical contemporary fantasy tale without some romance, so I expect a typical enemies-to-lovers story with this one.

[hyunvom]

passing notes in secrecy

synopsis: life's not that easy when you're in love with the prettiest boy who just happens to be an idol, but you'll make it, right?

cw: childhood friends to lovers, smut, idol!hyun

word count: 1,1k

In the soft hush of midnight's embrace, you tiptoed through the corridors of stardust and dreams. Your heart a symphony of secrecy and longing.

You've been with him for five months, even though you've known him your whole life, long before the world knew the crescendo of his name and fame was but a distant dream. Your stories were woven together in the tender threads of childhood's innocence. You used to be just kids, sharing stories and secrets under the benevolent shade of the old oak tree in your neighbourhood's park down the road, where the houses were all painted in a beautiful cinnamon color. You would visit each other every day, some days at his house, some others at yours. His mother would always welcome you with a huge smile painted across her face and freshly bakes cookies, always. You'd lie on the grass, or the beach sand, or the wooden floors of his room.

As your teenage years unfurled like pages in a book, your friendship deepened into something more profound. In the golden haze of sunsets and the soft whispers of wind, you found yourselves drawn together by an invisible string. He wrote a song about you one day, when he was around the age of 15 and you 14. All the unspoken words of his heart spilled into paper. With trembling hands and a courage down from the depths of his affection, he slipped the parchment into your school bag, a secret serenade to the girl who held his heart. You started dating that summer. You remember it as the best summer of your life, and the last one before you lost him.

That following fall, he embarked on a journey of trading the familiar comforts of home for the uncertain allure of a music company's door. He always wanted this, he would always talk about wanting it. And he was truly an artist. He wrote beautifully, his words always so tender and artistic, he would dance like a god, moving like water, and his voice was as beautiful and soft as one could be. You always believed in him and encouraged him to try, and never thought about what follows all this. And he got in. He made it. He made it and you lost him and yet you would not want it any other way, because the love you shared and the bond was not a common one.

He trained for two years, two years of barely seeing each other, he basically lived inside the walls of his company, practicing hard, his dancing, his singing, his rap. You met the people he would debut with once, and they were lovely. You had dinner with all 8 of them that day.

"You guys do know if we actually debut you have to like, broke up right?" the one named Jisung said.

The table fell silent and someone visibly kicked him under the table but you can't remember who it was now. Hyunjin had looked at Jisung angrily yet shocked he brought it up, like they had talked about this before and he could not believe he said it in front of me, and then just continued finishing his food while taking huge gulps of his wine.

"What do you mean? Why?" I had asked.

"It's dangerous that you're still dating now, actually. If the company finds out Hyunjin's definitely getting kicked out for not focusing on his debut. It's strict as hell, you know this" Jisung continued explaining, in a soft sorry tone.

Hyunjin had stood up and went outside. He used to smoke sometime here and there when he was really tired or stressed. You followed him outside the restaurant were he opened a new pack of cigarette and stood right next to him, reaching for his hand.

"You know.. what he's saying is true" he said. Silence on your part as you let him continue.

"If they find out it's going to be so messy, I will get in so much trouble and if something happens to me, everyone's debut gets affected, it's like a fucking domino. And eventually even if we continue this I will not have time to take care of you and be around you and you'll grow tired of me never being there cause I won't be able to and if someone ever finds out after i debut it's yet again over for my career and I put everyone at risk again. I just don't"

You stopped him, silencing the cacophony of stress with a gentle touch. Your fingertips, like whisper promises touched his face softly, and with bravery born of longing leaned in, interrupting his thoughts and anxieties with the melody of your lips pressed tenderly against his.

"It's okay" is all you said.

You broke up 2 months later.

In between the next 3 years, you watched him from afar. You got a boyfriend when you turned 19, a nice boy you met at the library where you'd spend most of your days outside of uni. You spent beautiful moments with him, you gave your v card to that boy that summer, and he was a great destruction from Hyunjin. But that's all he was, and when you realized that you felt like such an awful person. You broke up with him later that year, as Hyunjin continued to never leave your mind. But how could he? His band became a huge success. He was everywhere. On billboards around town, on the radio, all over social media. You could not escape him even if you wanted to. But you didn't mind. Seeing him thrive, even without you, brought you an absurd amount of happiness and peacefulness, knowing that he'd doing well, living his dream.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dressed as an employee with the card he specifically made secretly for you so you can easily sneak in, you slipped into the bustling company. You heart racing, as it always does during this part, pretending to be an employee to pass through doors.

You and Hyunjin found your way to each other a few months ago, when he visited home to see his parents. It was irrational and you weren't thinking, but the second his lips touched yours, as now full grown adults, things could never go back to how they were. He was even prettier now, if that's even possible. His hair was long, black. His lips still beautiful and full and so soft. His body was bigger, and harder than what you remember, probably because of his dancing. He fucked you in his childhood room that night. His hand on your mouth and other times kissing you hard to muffle your moans as his whole family was in the house.

"You have no idea how many times I've dreamed of this" he said as he laid you on his bed, getting you under the covers. He let you undress him and explore his body, taking your time with it. He was so hard under his boxers and leaking already, you palmed him through them and kissed him like this would be the last time you'll get to put your lips on his. You left comments about his size and you felt him both twitch and smirk through the kiss.

"When did you get so handsome?" you asked.

"When did you get this fucking hot" he responded.

He opened you up later that night, kissing you down the softly and eating you out hungrily, with so much skill. You wondered how many girls he's done this to, and you asked without thinking. He doesn't respond but he looks up at you while hes down there. He started inserting fingers, one by one, while continuing to play with your clit between his tongue. When you were finally ready for him he came close to your face and kissed your nose.

"I haven't done this in years. Be gentle" you tell him shyly yet in a playful tone.

"Oh so you've done this before?"

"You haven't ?"

You stare at each other for a moment, then smile.

"Now that we're here, I wish I never did, so I could do it with you" you said. And he simply said "These things don't matter to me" before kissing you again.

He let you ride him, so you could take your time and control the movements that were happening, and it's safe to say he loved being at your mercy. Your hands intertwined, sweaty foreheads, soft whimpers. He sounded beautiful. That one boyfriend you had back in the day was a nice guy, but the few times you had sex felt like a joke right now. He was silent, strict with it, forward. Hyunjin was vocal, touchy, loving, considerate. You felt like you were having sex for the first time, cause you were one way or another. At the end of the day what did virginity even mean.

When your hips got tired, he immediately noticed and started moving you up and down on him. He changed positions a few minutes later, now being on top of you. He fixed your hair that was all over your red face and kissed your hands while entering you, much harder this time. You could feel both your orgasms coming. Out of nowhere, he put his hand on your belly, and dragged yours right there a second later.

"Can you feel me. That's me baby. All of me"

Looking deep into his eyes, shocked, ears and cheeks red, you both came, as he started playing with your clit fast and then pulled out and spilled on your belly. He got up immediately after the events and cleaned you up, dressed you up in your pajamas and then got in the bed. You didn't sleep that night, not until 5am at least. You stayed up and talked. You talked about everything. Your lives, what you've been doing, how this insane life he was living is like. You told him about the boy you met that summer, and he told you he has been with someone from his company for a few months after he realized his heart does not belong there and broke things off. You asked him who the girl was, and when he answered he notice how your face dropped.

"What is it?"

"Oh I know her, shes really pretty and talented, no wonder"

"And yet you're the prettiest girl in the world and the one i cant get this stupid mind of mine to let go, all these years"

You talked about what was going to happen, and both agreed that you wanted this, even if it was risky. It was okay, his dating ban was lifted long ago, and you'd be careful, you could do this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sneaking in the company using your card, you finally end up on the third floor, successfully unnoticed. You always meet him here since this floor is always empty. After a couple minutes pass you hear footsteps and hide behind a trashcan, and the second you realize it's him you jump up on him and hug him. You kiss, trying to be silent, and then he takes you to a tiny room he uses to write and record music.

The space is tiny and he has never brought you here before.

"Oh. This place is tiny we barely fit in here. What do you even do here?" you ask.

"It's my little space, I come here to concentrate and write."

You move your head in understanding and then he suddenly pulls you on his knees, as he's sitting down on the one and only chair that fit this room.

"It's also soundproof"

"Oh." you smirk and kiss him, running your hands through his beautiful hair, ruining his ponytail.

Suddenly, after minutes of purely making out, he positions you directly above his knee, and starts harshly pushing up, going right under your skirt and directly hitting your wet spot.

"So warm down there, you're wet for me already baby?" as you hum in response. He keeps saying dirty, yet loving things in your ear as he's fucking you with his knee, and at some point you take control and start moving yourself. Your hands on his chest, on his shoulders, in his hair, on his neck. He fucking loves all of it, you can see it, you can hear it. After reaching a crazy orgasm, you get off of him and immediately unbuckle his belt.

"Oh love you don't have to that's fine, let it be about you only this time"

"God you have no idea how much i want you do you?" you responded and gave him singlehandedly the best head of his life. After he came down from the high of his orgasm he pulled you up and kissed you hard, yet with so much tenderness.

Being with him was definitely a challenge. Everything had to be done in secret. Behind malls and bars and late at night where only the moon and the stars could see your faces. But you wouldn't change it, not for the world, he was your own little world.

[justcallmehappy]

I have to say, I love what you wrote for Qiu. It tugs on my heart so much.

I was wondering if you could wrote some hurt/comfort for Cove. Or maybe just angst, whatever you're in the mood for really.

-Ghost

thank you and of course, Ghost!! i hope you enjoy and i'm so sorry it took so long <3

"Time Apart"

(Step 3) Cove x gn!reader synopsis: On a particularly windy day, you can't help but feel that your longtime best friend and boyfriend, Cove Holden, is a bit off. Ever since graduation, things have been weird between you two. What's wrong with him?

warnings: established relationship, unedited

word count: 1.7k a/n: finals are finally over (see what i did there), so i can get back to writing! yay!!!

Your eyes sting as the wind relentlessly pelts your face. It takes your whole being just not to cry out in annoyance.

You're just trying to get to your car after a day of hanging out with Terri and Miranda. Cove couldn't hang out with the three of you because he had work all day, but that was okay.

It's been a week since your graduation, and your last day of high school was just two days ago.

Of course, you weren't expecting Cove to be a happy ball of sunshine, as he's always been extremely sentimental, but you can't help feeling like he's been distant the past few days.

As you finally make it to your car, you let out a soft sigh as you slip into the driver's seat and turn up the AC.

"Terri said I shouldn't worry so much, but..."

You mutter, fishing for the keys in your pocket.

You can't help the sigh that slips past your lips as you turn your car on and drive out of Terri's driveway.

Your drive home is as uneventful as always, speeding past the familiar scenery of the beach that you and of course, Cove, have always adored.

You can't help the small smile from growing on your face at how beautifully it worked out that a boy named after the sea fell in love with it.

Did Cliff and Kyra know it would happen?

You blink when your phone starts going off, and you can't help from glancing at it briefly to check the caller.

Your Mom's familiar contact shows up on your screen, sporting that picture you took of her when she dressed up to match your Halloween costume.

Propping it up on your dashboard, you accept the call and set it to speaker.

"Hey Mom, what's up?"

"Hey, not-so-kiddo. Me and your mom were talking about scheduling for touring your colleges this summer. Can you remind me when you want to be back?"

And so, for the rest of your drive home, you end up talking to your moms about college and your plans for touring various colleges and universities.

When you pull into your driveway and get out of your car, you all but stumble into the house. You love Terri and Miranda, but it's always taken a toll hanging out with them the whole day.

You remember your moms mentioning that Liz had gone out to eat dinner with some old friends of hers and Mom left to go pick up some things from the supermarket shortly after you finished the call, so it was just you and Ma.

Ma greets you with a hug when you make it inside before letting you stumble into your room.

Cove is planning to leave to visit Kyra tomorrow, so you're hoping he'd come by to visit before driving down to her. He has to leave early in the morning.

You collapse onto your bed, the familiar comforter hugging your body as you bury your face into your favorite pillow, letting out a satisfied sigh.

The constant hum of the fan on your desk only relaxes your body more, making you practically melt into the bed.

Eventually, the fan lulls you to sleep, and you slip into a dreamless slumber.

...ap tap!

A sleepy frown makes its way onto your face at the rather annoying sound. You groan and bury your face deeper into your pillow.

...

You let out a content hum.

...Tap tap tap!

You let out a harsh sigh and reluctantly open your eyes, sitting up. You groggily rub your eyes, looking towards the window.

There, perched on the windowsill, is a familiar head of green hair and a boy with an awkward smile.

Cove Holden.

You stare blankly at him for a few moments, your mind still waking up.

As soon as you notice Cove's hair constantly getting into his face from the harsh wind outside, you shuffle to the window and wordlessly let him into your bedroom.

As soon as he makes his way into your room, he almost urgently wraps you in his arms, and you can practically feel him shaking.

"Cove...?"

If there was anything that woke you up more than being dunked in ice cold water, it would be your boyfriend upset.

The man in question says nothing in response to you, and if anything his grip only tightens.

Slowly, you start to rub comforting circles in his back, gently holding him as well.

You two just stand there, the moonlight illuminating you two in your room at who knows when.

Eventually, you can hear a soft sigh and he unwraps his arms around you, instead resting his hands on your shoulders.

You stare up at him, concerned, but let him take the time he needs to gather his thoughts.

However, when Cove opens your mouth, you can't help but frown in confusion at his words.

"You... you didn't answer my calls."

You stare at him, gauging his reaction to see if he was being serious. Confusingly, he was.

Cove has never been the type to get all scared just because you missed a few calls of his, so there was definitely something making his blue irises to practically shake in anxiety.

You glance over to your phone which was carelessly thrown on your bedside table. Removing his hands from your shoulders, you go over to check if you really missed his calls.

Just like he said, there were about 6 missed calls under the name "Cove 💙."

"I... I guess I did. I'm sorry, Cove, I just fell asleep." You glance up at him apologetically. He nods briefly.

"Yeah, that's what I guessed."

You stare down at your phone again, only to see that your phone says it's 1:16am. You blink, surprised that you slept for so long because you fell asleep at probably around 5pm.

"Uh... Cove?"

You glance at him, only to see he's moving to sit down next to you on your bed.

"Yes?"

"Why did you come here at 1am if you called at, like, 7?"

Cue his cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

Cove looks away, fidgeting with his pants. You frown in concern, gently reaching over to rest your hand on his leg.

"Cove?"

After a few tense moments of silence, he lets out a soft sigh.

"I just... wanted to say bye before I go visit Mom."

You stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

However, when he says nothing else, your face morphs into another confused and concerned frown for what feels like the 100th time in just 10 minutes.

"Cove, I always get up to see you off."

He nods.

"...So you didn't need to come here in the middle of the night."

He nods again, causing your frown to deepen.

"...Cove, what's the real reason you came?"

Then, to your surprise, he lets out a frustrated groan and buries his head in his hands.

Your eyes widen and you gently rest your hand on his hunched over back.

He sighs and shakes his head.

"...It's not your fault, I just..."

He lets out another tired sigh, but you guess it isn't because of the time.

"...What if we don't see each other this summer?"

...Oh.

Oh.

You slump over as well, matching Cove almost perfectly.

However, you turn so you face Cove. Gently, you prod his hand hiding his face from you.

"...Cove, look at me." You murmur softly.

At first, you think he didn't hear you, but after a few moments his hands move and he shifts slightly so his bright blue eyes are looking into yours.

"What makes you think that?"

Even though you can't see his mouth, you can imagine his lips pursing at your question.

"I just... I'll be gone for a while."

"It's no longer than every other year."

Cove sighs again.

"But... but what if when I'm here, you're not? What if- what if you're touring colleges when I'm finally back?"

You immediately soften, eyes growing wide in surprise and sadness.

Slowly, you sit up and pull him into a gentle embrace. Though, it's more one sided, as he just lifelessly leans against you as you rub his arm.

"Cove, we're going to see each other this summer, okay?"

He sniffles.

"Oh, Cove," You coo softly, moving one hand up to his hair to run your fingers through it. He's always found comfort in your touch, but he especially likes it when you play with his hair. It's like magic, he instantly relaxes whenever you do it. So, of course, the same happens now. "Me and my moms are going off in two days. We'll be back a few days before you, don't worry."

You can feel him hide his face in the crook of your neck, feeling the small tears wet your shirt.

You let out a soft breath and gently smile, stroking his hair comfortingly. You stay quiet, letting Cove calm himself down.

Eventually, he pulls back. You can feel the wet spot on your shirt but you don't mind, gently smiling at your boyfriend who's still teary-eyed.

"Really?"

You nod, laughing softly. Gently taking his hand and squeezing it, you offer him a small smile. "I made sure to tour colleges out of state when you weren't here so we could spend as much time together as possible."

You've gotten the feeling for a while that Cove was worried you two wouldn't be able to spend as much time together this summer as the past ten years, but this was the first time he outright told you his worries.

Cove has always been extremely considerate, so you assume he didn't want to upset you by asking this.

When he lets out a sigh of relief, his whole body relaxing, you can tell just how tired he is.

"...Cove, do you want to spend the night here?"

His eyes find yours, and his cheeks warming.

"Would that be okay?"

You let out a soft laugh, squeezing his hand. "Cove, you've spent the night here so many times you shouldn't even ask that."

At your words, he lets out an embarrassed laugh. "...Okay. Yeah, I'd like that."

You nod, smiling adoringly at your green-haired boyfriend.

And so, because both of you were too bashful to share a bed, you end up laying in your bed with Cove laying on the floor.

"...Goodnight, Cove." You murmur softly, the hum of the fan still going strong.

"See you tomorrow, (Name)."

[mogoce-nocoj]

Spent some time compiling my favourite bokris fics and here they are! This turned out to be rather long because I wrote little descriptions for every fic as well as why I liked them <3

Kisses by applegrass23 I think the first fic on ao3 that solely focuses on Bokris and the one that got me into this ship because while it's angsty and unrequited, I loved the focus on Kris and it's so well written. My heart broke but I loved it so much.

Pink by cursed_throwaway Explicit. Power dynamics and humiliation and a focus on Kris's 🍑. Definitely not everyone's cup of tea, I liked it though.

we don't talk about it anymore by vanvanvanvan Bokris get-together fic with eventual breakup (their “creative differences”) only they don't get back together as a band afterwards. They meet up again eventually and try figuring it out, loved their dynamic and the focus on early bokris.

measured intervals of absence by Anonymous Fell in love with this one. I'd call it a rather experimental narrative, with Bojan trying to negotiate his changing feelings toward Kris and the anxiety he feels. Beautifully written. Very poetic.

(go on) Leave me breathless by Anonymous Explicit. Choking kink negotiations. One of the best bokris dynamics. They're just so loving and the trust they have is beautiful and also, yeah, the choking kink.

Release from the What happens on the bus stays on the bus - Tour Drabble Collection by Anonymous Explicit. Kris has a rough time, Bojan makes him feel better. Sweet and full of comfort and trust.

Ko me tvoj objem zakriva (When I'm in your arms) by Anonymous Longfic, finished. Favourite bokris fic I've ever read but be prepared for a 60k slowburn. Follows Kris from first meeting Bojan to meeting Jan, joining Joker Out and falling in love with Bojan along the way. Includes a lot of references to the band's history such as Kris and Bojan's first meeting, their break, writing vse kar vem, Martin leaving etc. Has my absolute favourite Kris characterisation, addresses his need for control and anxiety moments. His eventual realisation that falling in love with Bojan was inevitable for him as well as him and Bojan figuring out what to do with it really hit me hard, personally. If you like slowburn you will be rewarded with the most beautiful scenes at the end because they're SO sweet to each other and made me cry. If you mention this fic to me I probably won't stop talking about it.

Breakfast by ludolefebvre Coffeeshop AU. Trigger for Kris depression episode. Bojan is the cute server who tries to get through to him. Loved the focus on Kris and Bojan's puppy behaviour, even if it's an AU.

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight by JuliaBaggins @occhi-verdi-come-il-mare Perfectly encapsulates the post-Stožice high everyone was feeling. Mentions our favourite Kris Stožice outfit and Bojan and him working out their feelings for each other. Their dynamic is beautifully written and I particularly loved how Kris acted in this one <3

Interregnum by Nothing_Rhymes_With_0range Deals with Bojan trying to deal with his feelings after Martin has left the band and finding his solution in Kris. They're so unsure in this but also very sweet and yeah. They'll figure it out, as long as they have each other.

K is for Kind by Calli_Thaala Bojan and Kris finding adjectives for each other. Short, sweet, captures their dynamic perfectly.

Be My Baby by zojassparkle Longfic, finished. One of the best bokris longfic out there, following a pining Kris discovering himself and eventually realising that his feelings might not actually be unrequited after all.

Slap Your Tall Friend Day by Calli_Thaala Peak annoying Bojan. Joker Out's dynamic is also absolutely hilarious. Enjoyed reading it a lot.

that song doesn't have distortion by honey_and_venom 5+1, Soulmate AU, ongoing. Kris is Bojan's soulmate but they Do Not Talk About It. Loved the idea of their first words being their soulmarks and how sometimes you need a lot of time to really see one another because life and relationships are difficult.

The Space Between by SamePlaceandTime @reserved-fruit Post-Thailand fic dealing with all the Bokris moments we've seen lately. It's them slowly discovering that they might be ready to push their boundaries a bit further than just friendship and it's full of sweetness and comfort <3

Speaking of, special shoutout to @reserved-fruit's bokris fic prompt series, here on tumblr and here on ao3. I haven't managed to read all of them yet but I particularly liked Eat the Damn Soup and The One Where They're Found Out.

[da-rulah]

i’m so happy you’re requests are backkk!! and that you’re back safe from your trip!

could i have some copia hc about him having an s/o or crush who LOVES writing, like they have whole shelves of notebooks and everything. would he try to read their stuff? stuff like that!

thank you i hope you’re doing well!

Thank you, lovely! They are for the time being - I'm going to be writing another fic soon so that'll take priority over any new requests but I'm still happy to take them ofc!

And I am doing well, thank you! My trip was good, but exhausting... 5 days of conferences and 10 working days in a row is not my idea of fun, but I've got a couple of extra days off now to compensate. So of course, I'm writing...

Anyway - onwards with the HC! This will be extremely self-indulgent seeing as you literally are describing me lmao

When you'd first met the cardinal, it had been in the library. You'd stumbled upon his little back office where he restored old books and ancient texts day to day.

You'd only been looking for some reference material, still new to the ministry and unfamiliar with the library's layout. But he was happy for the company, effectively guiding you to the section of the library you needed while conversing about what you were writing.

He offered you the spare desk in his little office, to use when you needed a quiet space free of the expectation to be social in another's company while you could focus on your writing.

You would use it often, and you got to know Copia quite well over time.

The longer you shared an office, the bigger your collection of notebooks with ideas, mind-maps, character profiles and plot plans gathered on the shelves behind your desk. Rows upon rows of notebooks...

He would nag you to let him read something of yours some time, but you'd wave him off with an "it's not ready yet..." But he'd never stop asking. One day you'd let him...

"Please, just a chapter? Will you let me, just once cara mio?"

And you did. Eventually, you let him read the book you had typed on your typewriter over the span of the last six months. He laughed. He cried. He fell in love. With the book, but also... with you.

The way you wrote, it was like the words sang to him. Your mind was truly as beautiful as your physical self. How could he not fall for you?

But he kept this to himself, for fear of frightening you out of this tiny little office and risk not seeing you every day.

Eventually, your birthday came around, and Copia had prepared something so special for you...

Whilst you had slept, he had snuck back into the office and worked all night.

Using his talent for book restoration, he had bound the hundreds of loose pages of your novel into a stunning original hardback book, crafted himself.

The cover was so ornate, so beautifully designed with references to the story itself in the red embossed artwork.

When you had opened it, he was terrified. What if you hadn't wanted it to be bound? What if you weren't totally done with it?

But, oh, how you wept.

It was the most beautiful, most thoughtful gift anyone had every given to you. He had handled your work with the care and affection that you had poured into it whilst writing it.

The same care and affection, it would seem, he had for you.

That night, after celebrating your birthday with him at a dinner he had prepared himself, you had confessed to him that the love interest of your novel had taken on the traits you had seen in him.

"What... what do you mean?" He had been so confused at first.

"I guess... what I'm trying to say, is that... He became you. And I think I fell for him..."

He had kissed you when you confessed, relieved to have his feelings reciprocated.

Years on, even in his now papacy, the two of you shared that office when he had some free time.

And somehow, he still always managed to find the time to bind the first drafts of your manuscripts together for you, to then ship to your publisher as a fully fledged published author now.

With the same care and affection as that first binding, you now had a collection of manuscripts you kept for your own personal memento collection.

Just as he would bind your books so beautifully together, you were now bound to each other. Forever.

[maiiruo]

Serenity of Smoke

wc : 1.7k

next chapter !

So, is all countless suffering for my own good?

— [ I ] —

You always loved the idea of writing for a living. You were an avid reader in your childhood, books upon books surrounding your room so much you might as well have been swimming in them. The local library became your second home when home didn't feel like it, the librarian recommended books every time you finished another and giving the praise you never received.

Journalism was both a romanticised and underrated job. You wanted to give others the same feeling you did as a child, the ability to indulge in fictional worlds when the real one was too much. Growing up made you come to the reality that acting on your love for journalism proved to be harder than you expected. The side jobs, the money you constantly lacked—you only had a chance of winning if you were famous. Since you were a child you dreamed of this type of job, the type where you could be alone with your thoughts, the type where you could stay in the serenity of your home and isolate yourself with the excuse of your work. No forced interactions with shitty co-workers? You were immediately sold.

Today was slow, uneventful. You worked from home in your office which doubled as your bedroom on the frequent occasion you fell asleep at your desk, only going into the office on few instances. Writer's block came to you more often than you'd like to admit, your days consisting of a split screen with whatever show Netflix recommended to fill the silence and an unbelievable amount of procrastinating. At this point, time became blurred and you lost count of how long you had been staring at your blank screen, your eyes becoming low and heavy with fatigue. On the rare occurrences you were in the office, you felt close to nothing but envy. While you were told to be an exceptional writer, said to be "the next Sylvia Path of our generation", you wrote slower than your peers, the words finding their way to you harder than others. They were the "shitty co-workers" in your nightmares, belittling you on the speed at which you produced your work as if the quality of your writing didn't surpass theirs by lightyears.

You opened the door to the prettiest cats you ever met, being an exception to the "Closed!" sign on the door. Your eyes raced to look for your favourite—Mimi and Mars, Mimi being a calico with the most beautifully placed patches across her eyes and Mars a brown cat with heterochromia. Yoongi's café was one of the few places your mind felt at peace, especially after closing hours; he would always let you stay until he finished his last few tasks. Soft light poured through the windows, the sounds of purring cats and light traffic eliminating the overwhelming anxiety you felt prior. You swore you could have fallen asleep right there, on the floor with your back on the wall and the sun warming your face, Mars and Mimi laying on your lap.

Eventually, Yoongi walked out from the back room, carrying empty food platters and readying them for the day ahead. He smiled as he sat himself down next to you, "Said hi to the cats before me?" You leaned your head on his shoulder, the smell of cigarettes encompassing the air around you. "You're basically one of the cats yourself." Mimi rolled herself over onto Yoongi's lap, purring as he calmly pet her head. "If we're both not married by 60 we're getting married and becoming cat parents." You mumbled in agreement, your tiredness almost overpowering your ability to speak. Although he was making a comical remark, you both knew you would agree to being (platonic) cat parents without a second thought.

"Writer's block beating your ass?" At this point, you believed he was able to read your mind with how he read you so easily. "Yeah...today was long." He wrapped his arm around you, running his thumb back and forth across your shoulder before announcing it was time to put the cats in their cages so he could lock up.

You gave Mimi and Mars their last pets before they left, probably being the last time you saw them that week. "You guys don't wanna go do you? You should stay with me one day." Despite your words, both cats followed Yoongi with no sympathy for your yearning. While you were exaggerating your heartbreak, Min laughed as he carried Mars and Mimi to the back where the cages were.

"They definitely like me more."

"Ermm, fuck you too then."

"Swearing in front of the kids? No wonder they like me more. She's such a bad influence isn't she?" Turning his attention to the cats, he looked at you with a fake look of disappointment, as to make you feel bad for your 'bad language'. He broke character and laughed, his smile so contagious you laughed harder.

You got up to help Yoongi put all 13 cats back into their cages, matching each cat to the assigned name on their enclosures. You made sure to pet them before locking the gates, covering them with blankets and giving treats to each of them before you and Min left. Both the book and laptop in your tote bag remained untouched, as you expected. You crossed your legs and sat on one of the chairs while Yoongi vacuumed the cat hair that had been shed and it was finally time to leave. He grabbed his keys and walked you back to your house despite living the complete other way of LL. He watched as you walked through the door before leaving, walking back to where he was parked in front of his café and driving to his apartment in the other direction.

As you finally changed out of your 'outside' clothes, you made yourself your favourite strawberry tea and switched on every ambient lighting you had in your room—the big light was basically illegal in this house. You opened your phone to a message from Yoongi, saved as "luna :P" in your phone.

6:47pm

bar 520 tmrw?

6:48pm

u know i could never say no :3 what time?

6:48pm

7? u can get ready at my place, bring whatever

6:50pm

okay, see u tmrw :3

Seen, "luna :P" liked your message.

don’t steal, translate or repost my work

©maiiruo

[goldenstorm0]

Okay I am gonna talk about my first fountain pen, and my current grail pen that I'm always on the hunt but can never afford.

Both are the Parker 25

If you are new to vintage pens, you almost definitely heard of Parker, either the 51 or the duo fold. Both are excellent pens, I think. I have never used them before, but a lot of people love them. They are on my list of pens I want to get eventually, but they're kinda low. I'm looking for a different type of Parker.

When my grandparents were officially moved out of their house, my family started the long process of going through their stuff. We needed to sell the house so we could take care of them, and eventually pay for funerals. They were hoarders, and there was a lot to sort. A ton of bowling balls, a metric shit ton of yarn, even more trash. And hidden in all of this was a forgotten pen that I eventually found.

I think it was a gift from a bank that my grandma worked at for 20 years, and it was a shitty gift for that amount of work. The 25 was made to be a cheaper pen, made for young adults who may not of had enough money for one of the nicer models, but needed a reliable pen for work. I wouldn't be surprised if it was never used, but I had thrown away the box pretty much immediately and didn't care.

I've seen people describe this pen as robust or space-aged, but I always thought of it as more brutalist. Bare metal, black nib unit, steel nib. It's not a very inviting pen. The nib unit is hard to remove, or at least mine was, and you can't easily switch nibs. Not that you ever need to. It's a workhorse of a pen. Made to be used anywhere and everywhere. It was and still is Not my aesthetic. But I loved it.

It was my only fountain pen for years. I spent a lot of time first figuring out how to write with it, and then fiddling with it to make it write even better. I looked up tutorials on how to hold it, how to take care of it, figuring out how to fix a dry nib or a bent nib, how to take it apart, clean it, and put it back together. I found out the history behind the model, then the brand, and then I started looking into fountain pens in general. It started a new obsession, one that continues to this day.

And then I fucking broke it of course.

I had it in my pocket and it fell nib first. The nib itself was bent, but that was something I could fix. But unit itself snapped off from the threads that screwed the pen together. I couldn't fix that, and I'm pretty sure no one could fix that. I didn't bother looking though. I was 20, no job, living off of my parents and school grants while I went to community college. I couldn't afford to send it to anyone to fix it. If I couldn't do anything, then nothing would be done, because that cost money.

So I saved up and started looking around for a new part. Prices weren't great, something that's crazy annoying for what was originally intended to be a cheap ass pens. Eventually I found a set within my pittance of a budget, it even came with a roller ball (never touched). It was a complete pen, but I took it apart, pried the feed from nib unit, and put in the original still-bent nib in, and put it in the original scratched up body. They looked almost identical, but I wanted My Pen, not a new one.

It doesn't write the same. I don't think I have had a pen that wrote a beautifully as it original did, but that might be nostalgia talking. The nib is still bent. I got my first job soon after (yes I did spend grant money on a pen repair), and I started to buy more pens. Learned the basics of vintage pen repair, fixed up a few lever-fills, fucked up some vintage gold nibs when trying to practice grinding a tuning (never got really good at that). Instead of working on perfecting the one pen, I bought new ones that worked well enough.

But now I have a bit of a holy grail that I am looking for. Because, while the 25 is a cheap ass pen for broke college students, there is a particularly rare color. Same metal body, steel nib, but instead of black, it's bright orange. If the original black was outside my aesthetic, this is on the other side of the planet. I usually am not a fan of orange, and I super hate this specific shade. And I want it. Like, really really badly. I've seen several on sale, and currently don't see any on sale, and I am barred by my old nemesis, money.

And before I get that pen, I want to send my old 25 to a nibmeister. The nib is slightly bent and I don't think I can fix it, and it bothers me like nothing else. I need to do a bit of research first to make sure someone is willing to work on the nib, its pretty nonstandard.

credits:

moreengineering - They have a lot of info on the Parker 25 on their site, plus it's fun to just look around. Used for general information and this ridiculous photo

fuck you I want that how the FUCk

parkerpens - My go-to for everything Parker. You can fit so much info into this site. Used for general information

Pen Collect - They've got a really nice page for id-ing your parker 25. Mine is a mark II

Orange Parker 25 collage - YES I KNOW IT GOES TO A 404. There aren't a lot of good photos of the orange Parker. Its painfully rare

2nd orange Parker picture - Only other photo I could find that I liked. The has already sold and it just redirects you to lighters and pens. And if you try to search for it on their site, you just get wine. I am in... so much pain trying to find this goddamn pen. I hate it but I want it

[spaceyflowerswriting]

Hey i came across your lookism stuff today thought you write beautifully. I saw that the requests are open and I'd like to request vasco x reader relationship headcanons. stuff like how they fell for each and came to be in relationship and how vasco is as a boyfriend. all of their first times with each other. (First date, first kiss, first fight and first time sleeping together [last one this is optional])

thank you 🌸

vasco relationship headcanons

details: gender neutral reader, general canon au

warning: very minor spice below the read more cut! (i'm so sorry if you meant "sleeping together" in an innocent way but i assumed you didnt ??? 😭😭😭)

a/n: beautifully is such a nice word to use thank u,,, T_T and also thanks for this request <3

×

> i'd imagine the most likely scenario would be for you to be a student of j high and just encountering vasco often! lots of short meetings that eventually turn into long convos and hanging together outside of school; the classic friends to lovers <3

> everyone in vasco's eyes are good unless he hears or see that someone's done bad things, but you can bet the second jace notices you with vasco often, he's going to do a little background checking

> after jace confirms everything is well, he tries to stay out of yours and vasco's relationship because really it's none of his business but y'know how it is... he's vasco's babysitter. i gotta say tho eventually it turns into him trying to save you from vasco's antics LMAO

> anyways yeah once you're involved with vasco, you're involved with burn knuckles. whether you commit to joining or not, you're a part of the family!

> while you have your own reasons and timing for falling for vasco, his process is rather slow and yes, he is dense to any signs you might show. for him, it's all the little things that build up over time (acts of kindness, sharing snacks, hand holding) and the realization hits him like a truck at 2 am as he sits up in bed and thinks, "are friends supposed to feel this way???"

> with the help and encouragement of his buddies, he comes to the conclusion he loves you, and eventually with their cheering, he's able to confess (unless you beat him to it, of course, in which case he would reply the same by scooping you up into a hug and spinning you around <3)

> dating him in the beginning... he's like. a perfect mix of a nervous wreck and a very confident man. some days he's a stuttering mess, other days he's leading you by the hand with a shiny grin ✨

> what you can always expect, though, is him being a supportive golden retriever boyfriend 💖 he'd do anything for you, whether it be running to a store late at night to get something for you or literally running to your house 123456789 miles away just to take care of you if you're sick

> other things he'd keep consistent: being physically affectionate with you, being proud to be your boyfriend and proud to call you his partner, and his chivalry/gentlemanly acts (this has more to do with how he feels as a man rather than anything with your gender!)

> by the time he grows comfortable with dating, he's honestly just like your best friend and boyfriend ^_^ always taking you on fun dates and making sure you're smiling, even if it's from laughing at him doing dumb stuff <3 also would bring up marriage pretty early and whatever happens is up to u lol

bonus first times bc i think u wrote fun prompts 💘

first date: considering you've been his friend for a while, vasco would've already taken you to the restaurant he eats at with his friends that he took that one blind date girl to so he'd try something new like an interactive zoo :] if you're afraid of aninals, hopefully you would enjoy a nice walk around a lake instead!

first kiss: ever since vasco began dating you, this was what he anticipated the most. it'd keep him up many nights because of how nervous it made him and he'd google "how to kiss someone" and "when to kiss someone," as well as ask all his friends and others for advice, but eventually the kiss came naturally--and by accident. he had kissed you out of excitement and because you returned the energy, he hadn't even realized what he did until jace teased him for it. after that, he shyly asked if he could continue kissing your lips, and that was that <3

first fight: it's absolutely devasting for poor vasco. he knew relationships had ups and downs but he never imagined a fight would happen with him and you. but if anything, after patching up, it taught him to stop putting you on a pedestal and to be more realistic if he wanted to make the relationship work, rather than continue to live in a romanticist's daydream.

first time sleeping together: vasco never even once thought about sleeping with you simply because it's not something on his mind, but that one time you sat a little too comfortably in his lap, he Remembered™ That Thing Lovers Do and felt super embarrassed. there's a low chance this would happen naturally, but if it does, he'd be super awkward but very gentle, making sure to constantly check for your consent; otherwise you'd have to lead the way!

[irkimatsu]

I don't think I made a single OC during my time in Matsu fandom, but Hazbin's gotten my furry wheels spinning, god damn you. I'm gonna ramble under the cut to try to get my thoughts straight.

-Almaz (Nina Sinclair), squirrel, non-binary. An 80's one-hit-wonder who died in their 30's after self-destructing and overdosing on drugs, is in love with Husk. I've posted plenty about them before.

-Richard Brenning (hell name still undecided), white rabbit, died in his 50's, pansexual male. An 80's star like Almaz, but unlike Mazzie he got more than fifteen minutes of fame as a singer, reality star, and general tabloid menace. The "controversies and scandals" section of his Wikipedia page is longer than Mazzie's entire page. Absolutely covered in sparkles. I know his outfit includes a sparkly purple vest with nothing underneath, and I keep wanting to give him a hat, but Husk already has a top hat so I don't know what to do there just yet. An egotistical little shitheel at first, possibly an Overlord? Almaz looks up to him but he's a bit insensitive about the whole "one-hit-wonder who self-destructed, don't they all" thing. He'll chill out with some character development and eventually settle down with Angel Dust therefore freeing Husk for Almaz to pursue

-Clara? Originally made her to fill a request but I think I'm keeping her. Still need a last name for her, she keeps her birth name in hell. A small black bear, looks more like a teddy bear than a wild animal. Mainly dresses in floral print. Grew up with Alastor and knows he enjoys hunting, but is willfully ignoring the nastier aspects of her "big brother in spirit" in an attempt to preserve her happy childhood memories of him. Was born after Alastor but also died later than he did, in her 60's, I think? If that request stays canon to my OC's then she has a thing for Husk, but Husk is immediately bitter of her connection with Alastor, so that's not going anywhere. Still no idea what landed her in hell. Is "willful ignorance of the fact that your best friend is a serial killer" a sin?

And Husk's family, all of whom I still need to name:

-Husk's ex-wife was a black woman who lived in the middle of nowhere with nothing but her dreams. She moved to a rapidly growing Las Vegas in the 30's to chase those dreams, and started singing songs she wrote in the same bar where Husk would play saxophone with various bands. The two hit it off beautifully and had a wonderful marriage, with Husk spoiling her with gifts and trips and encouraging her singing and poetry... until everything fell apart because Husk just couldn't get his addictions under control, no matter how hard he tried. It's not his fault, exactly... it just sucks for everyone involved. Don't know what would have landed her in Hell, but I do want her to see Husk again so they can try to get some closure. ...and the pronoun use here is a bit strange because I think she'd realize she's transmasc while in hell? I want something where Husk's spouse thought they were a cishet woman in life, but due to Husk's own experience with the Las Vegas queer scene he always had his doubts about that... but he couldn't risk outing himself, so he never said anything while they were alive. They'll meet again, Husk will take their new gender identity in stride and finally get to come out to them as pansexual, maybe they'll try to rekindle their romance but the spark is fully dead on the spouse's side, Husk desperately needs this closure before he can pursue anyone else. He doesn't expect his spouse to forgive him, he just wants them to understand he never wanted to hurt his family...

-Husk's older daughters, twin girls. Still highly undeveloped, except that they stay close for their whole lives and Husk utterly spoiled them as much as he could while he was still able to see them. Husk has participated in princess teddy bear tea parties, I will die on that hill. They were preteens/early teens when their parents divorced, and a year or two after that their mother stopped letting Husk see them because he's a drunk deadbeat piece of shit. I'm so sorry, Husk. They started families of their own, Husk has grandkids, but he has no idea because his daughters never tried to re-establish contact with him in adulthood. They have their fond memories of him, but also some really shitty ones, especially after an event I'll be talking about in a moment. It's complicated.

-Husk's younger daughter, who I want to flesh out for one horrible reason... the idea of Husk losing his daughter in an accident, blaming himself for it for the rest of his life regardless of what he could have done to save her, and sinking further than ever into the addictions that would ruin his marriage in short order. I'm so sorry for doing this to you, everyone who's involved. She's in Heaven now, and if Husk ever ascends there will be tearful reunions god damn it please

I haven't decided on species for Husk's family, but none of them are cats; the cat thing is specific to him for his manner of life and death, figuratively drowning in alcohol before literally drowning in a lake. Cats hate water, after all. The others don't have that connection to cats. I'll figure them out eventually.

[tojikai]

I just finished the “home” series, i just found your account yesterday yet all that’s left for me to read is “permanent mark”🙃

Like the “fix you” series, i ended up with alot of questions which is weird because i don’t have any for sundered but then again, im more of a toji girl

Questions:

- why did toji cheat?

- What happened in their marriage for it to get like that?

- did he ever truly fall out of love?

- do you have any plans for another story series?

- what would’ve happened if she hadn’t died?

- would’ve he regretted it or come back to her eventually?

- did he think of her daily after her death?

- how was he feeling after her death, years after?

- why did he put his mistress over his wife?

- Does he love his mistress more

- what’s up with the whole thing he did/him putting her over his wife

- what was his thought process when it first happened and after it kept happening

- ik he said he didn’t love hana but why would he cheat and basically put her over his wife if he didn’t?!?!

- i read 3 out of 4 stories so far and it seems like there a pattern of dudes putting someone they think they love yet don’t over someone they do or love more, is there any reason’s for it

Just me rambling about the story and your other stories:

I know he did but i hope toji suffers so so so much more until his last breath! (He did but I hope it felt like it was infinite for him😌) also Fuck hana! Wtf😭😭 if only toji didn’t fuck up bro its so sad, im hating yet understanding him?? If that makes sense, actually no not understanding but sympathetic towards him in the first ending ig but still fuck toji!!! I felt bad for him and then the next life chapter??? With his thoughts wtf and putting hana over y/n again😭 fuck toji!! he basically emotionally cheated if i was y/n i would’ve lefttt!! I swear your y/n’s are saints compared to me shhsjs

Your stories are so beautifully written yet so sad

I love them even if i might hate the love interest lol

Im More of the resentment type so it feels so silly to say this especially over a fanfic(but then again all of yours are so wonderfully written) but your stories i guess have made me possibly see things in a different light: like ppl do make mistakes and can change or genuinely regret them or that people can maybe hurt the people they love which is so weird for me to say because its a story and also im the type to refuse to believe you can love someone after you treated them so badly or cheated on them. Ig ur stories have made me realizes humans make mistakes and they aren’t BAD people for it butt the pppl they hurt doesn’t have to take them back nor forgive them or they can and it lean to something better than what would’ve been if they ended things

Note:

Im so sorry if im asking too much and i hope im not bothering you, i just tend to talk alot regarding things that i get invested in and i get so curious sbsjsj

Im probably writing this much because im so sleepy right now haha (my apologies especially if i wrote so much nonsense or I didn’t write/explain things wellh

thank you in advance if you answer 🫶i appreciate it, have a good day/night🖤i hope y enjoy the remaining of summer! Tysm for creating these masterpieces ‼️

hiii omg thanks so much, im glad that you enjoyed them <3

- to answer the first 3 questions: toji cheated bc he was bored. i have no excuses for this man in home series bc he really cheated bc their rs was getting a bit dull for him. do u know that point they say in some lovers' relationship. the drought, the feeling similar to "falling out of love" but they say not to leave your partner during this time bc that's when true love begins? yeah that. 🥹 he didn't really fell out of love but it's like a similar feeling to it.

- as for plans for another series, i'm thinking of doing a mini one. i have a draft here just waiting to be polished and published.

- if yn didn't die, hmm... assuming they stayed together, it's gonna be a very dead relationship. bc yn is so so tired. not just emotionally but mentally too. she's gonna have a hard time believing that toji still loves her even if he tried to explain. she's gonna be very reserved and visibly uncomfortable around him, thinking that he doesn't really want to be w her and just staying out of pity. she's gonna limit herself, and the love that she shows him. it will ultimately end in divorce, and he's gonna end up not wanting to sign it.

- yes, toji would've still regretted it even if yn didn't die. he's bound to come back to yn eventually. the day he left, he never planned on staying with his mistress for long. he just went there bc he was frustrated and he's trying to run away from yn's confrontation and the consequences. deep inside he was hoping that yn won't push through w the 'divorce.'

- for the 7th and 8th question, yes toji thought of yn every day and every night. the onyl time he's not thinking of her is when he's swarmed with work. but even during those times, his mind wanders to her still. the feeling that he felt when he learned of her death and discovered how she prepared everything for him and his new life was how he felt his whole life. it was never lessened. if anything it only got worse w time.

- for the 9th, 10th and 11th question: no, he didn't love his mistress more than yn. he left and put his mistress over his wife bc he thought that's what he wanted. there was a sense of thrill, the feeling of being with someone new that pushed him to act like that. as mentioned in the home series, his pride took over and he thought that that's the freedom that he wanted but it wasn't. it was too late when he realized that. you really don't know what you got until it's gone. he thought yn's gonna be there forever and that's why he kept choosing to go to his mistress not knowing that yn's days were numbered and that he's about to lose her.

- when he first cheated w her out of pure lust. there was no deeper meaning to it. and then it kept happening bc he found escape and thrill in it. other than that, she gives him a different type of attention, something new.

- w hana it was the attraction that made him act like that. im not saying all people, but some tend to be nice to attractive people and they don't even notice that to impress a new one, they end up neglecting another one. other than that, it's bc they work together. he doesn't plan on getting it on w her tho. he loves yn.

- i just like the thought of them making mistakes to learn from LMAO but i guess the difference is in fix you, his wife's dead. it's the lack of appreciation for the present and being stuck in the past. while in sundered, uhm it's a lot of pride and he did love Naomi tho. she was so good to him. (except that 'thing' she tried to do)

it makes me happy when people say they learn something from the content i put out🥺 the fact that you guys read my masterlist also makes me happy bc it makes me realize that literature really do make something immortal AAAAA i enjoyed reading this and answering your questions~ thank you so much for the love and support you give my stories <3 hope you're having a great week ~!!

[purrincess-chat]

In honor of this fine April month, what are your favorite things about Adrinette?

So

This ask is like 2-3 years old I think, but I never forgot about it. I just needed time to assemble my thoughts, and I think now is the best time to answer it because hooooo how far they've come since this ask was sent.

I'm going to break this up into sub-categories so that it's not 8 pages of me just rambling about how cute they are, though I will probably still ramble a lot about how cute they are. But we're going to look at the entire span of their relationship from Origins through Revelation in s5. So, if you haven't watched the out of order episodes from s5 or are waiting for everything to air before you watch, this is your spoiler warning. Let's get into it.

Enemies speedrun

We all love a good enemies-to-lovers story. There's just something inherently satisfying about seeing two people go from hating each other to falling in love. One aspect of their relationship that I appreciate is that sparks didn't fly immediately when they met as civilians. It's not a true enemies-to-lovers, more of a speedrun if you will, because Marinette did lowkey kind of hate him at first. It wasn't until she realized there had been a misunderstanding and saw Adrien's true character that she fell in love with him.

Y’all know the umbrella scene has me in a chokehold always and always will because that moment is just imprinted into my brain. The moment when she truly sees him. Not a marketing image or magazine cover. Not a spoiled rich boy that's friends with her bully. Him. She sees his vulnerability, his desire to be accepted, his kindness. That's what she falls in love with. That was the moment when Adrinette became my favorite side because it was just so raw and genuine and beautifully crafted, and I think that moment has only become more impactful as their relationship has progressed. To see two people who started off at odds, even for a short time, grow to love each other so much is just *chefs kiss*

Seeing beyond the mask

Another thing I love is how Marinette has always been the person to see Adrien for more than what is presented. Yes, she spends a lot of time ogling over his pictures in magazines throughout the show, which some people seem to think is a cardinal sin because how dare a teenage girl think the boy she likes is hot apparently, but when push comes to shove, she has always been the one to look deeper. The umbrella scene is the first instance of that. From the beginning, people wrote him off as being a rich daddy's boy model. Alya literally calls him as such in Origins. They make assumptions based off of his image/status. The difference is Marinette eventually sees past it, and she continues to see past it.

And I know some people are going to say, "What about Nino?" But Nino has taken a huge step back since s1 when it comes to their friendship. Yes, Nino is the first person to give him a chance, but any other time he just waves stuff related to him away. Oh, his dad said he can't come? Oh well. Everyone, including Nino, always writes Marinette off when she's worried about him as Marinette just being Marinette, but she has always seen more than other people when it comes to him. And that's no shade to Nino or saying Nino isn't still his best friend because Nino has tried and failed to help Adrien before. He understands Adrien's life is complicated, but he doesn't think anything more than that. (that we have seen on screen anyway) It's a winless fight that can't be helped.

Marinette always pushes further, like in the NY special when everyone is like oh, Gabriel doesn’t want Adrien to come to NY, what a shame, and Marinette is like I will fight that man myself if I have to, and she does. People have mixed feelings about the canon-ness of the Specials, but I deeply appreciate the Adrinette we got in the NY special, even if it was angsty in the end. I love when Adrien expresses his gratitude to her for sticking up for him because it’s truthfully the first time he’s really gotten to see it happen out of all the times she’s stuck her neck out for him. I think that moment aided his confession in Risk because Adrien feels like he can confide in her and be understood rather than dismissed. Because why should the rich boy complain about having nice things and money and girls falling all over him and getting to travel the world? But Marinette pays attention to him, not just the shiny filter everyone else sees. He's unhappy, and she sees that when all of their other friends don't.

Season 5 has given us a lot of insight into Adrien's home life and how he feels about it. A key moment I think a lot of people have glossed over is in Transmission when he tells Marinette that the Adrien most people know is just a marketing image, and how the two of them can be different. He is inviting her into his world that other people have only scratched the surface of, and as their relationship progresses, she gets to see how thin the glamour really is. I know her speech in Emotion went to the wrong person, but the message still rings true. She doesn't think less of him for being trapped and doing what his father asks. She knows he doesn't have another option and feels stuck, and she wants him to know that she loves him and will always be there for him until they figure it out together.

Another key moment along that same vein is when Marinette goes to talk to Gabriel about their relationship after Emotion, and they have the pancake conversation. Gabriel literally offers her fame and fortune, a successful career in the business she's always wanted. He could hand that to her, but she says no. She sees beyond the shiny glimmer Gabriel presents to the rest of the world, and she values Adrien more than anything. That whole scene where she fights back and disobeys Gabriel's order to find Adrien and tell him it will be alright shows how deeply integrated she's become in his life. She doesn't care if it's hard. She wants to fight the dragon with him, and she's not giving up until they can have their happily ever after. I just think their whole narrative where Marinette is the knight fighting to save the prince is incredibly sweet, and it makes me want to root for them. They're made for each other because they fight for each other and see sides of each other that no one else sees, and I think that's beautiful.

Learning how to love

I absolutely love the way they’re approaching their relationship this season, and how we can see the impact of Adrien’s past loves in the way he approaches her. With Kagami he wasn't decided enough. With Ladybug he was too decided. I've talked about how Glaciator 2 completely changed things for him before, so I won't rehash that too much, but we can see it in the way he approaches Marinette gently and patiently this season. He doesn't push his feelings onto her or demand that she hurry up and decide her feelings. In Migration Adrien isn’t pushing her to open up to him completely right away. He knows she has things she’s not telling him, but rather than focusing on what he wants or thinks their relationship should look like, he worries that she is stressing herself out and hurting herself for his sake, and he doesn’t want that. In Derision, he is patient and constantly checks on her when she’s not doing well. When he finally learns what’s wrong, he listens to her about what she needs and comforts and supports her instead of insisting that she hurry up and figure it out. Both of those things came from his prior loves. With Marinette, he's finally figured out the right amount of push and pull, and the two of them are learning together what they both need and how to love each other in the ways they need to be loved.

One of the reasons Protection is one of my top episodes so far this season is because Adrien realizes that Marinette needs more out of him than he’s been giving, and he puts in more effort! He wants her to feel comfortable with him and puts in the work to help her overcome her anxiety around him. The whole picnic set up is so incredibly thoughtful and sweet and clearly tailored just for her. I love that a message of their love is that you don’t need anything flashy. Adrien is filthy rich and could provide a lot of flash, but instead he sets up a romantic picnic in his backyard. They play games and talk and laugh and watch the clouds in their pajamas. And it’s so sweet! Even the song he sings her in Perfection is about how he doesn’t care about any of those things. He just wants to be with her. Their love is beautifully simple, and I love to see that after several seasons of Marinette making everything overcomplicated. They care about each other, and that’s enough.

She fell first, he fell harder

I am so obsessed with how once Adrien realized he loves her, he was all in, immediately asking her out, swooning over her. She literally spouts nonsense around him half the time, and he's just like aww, she always knows what to say. I love her sm! I dunno. It’s just refreshing after seeing Marinette have zero chill for 4 seasons to see him having absolute heart eyes at her now. When everyone else is shaking their head at her Marinette-isms, Adrien just smiles and laughs with her. One of my all time favorite things when writing their pairing is portraying the moment Adrien realizes he loves her and seeing how his perception changes after that, so seeing that be canon is everything I could have ever asked for. And he doesn’t hesitate to let her know how he feels and how deeply he cares for her. We love to see it.

Love built from friendship, trust, and mutual respect

I know this aspect is hotly contested and controversial in fandom, but I don’t care. Other people’s inability to watch media with their eyes open and understand what’s happening on screen isn’t my problem. Their development from being uncertain and even hostile to each other to being so supportive and caring toward each other is so sweet and satisfying. Seeing Marinette go from barely being able to get a coherent sentence out around him and constantly being jealous of every girl that talked to him to confidently holding his hand, telling him she loves him, and not being threatened even when his father’s marketing campaign is coupling him with his ex-girlfriend is such satisfying character development.

Marinette fell in love with Adrien for his kindness and sincerity. Slowly but surely they became friends, then good friends, and along the way they developed a sweet love and respect for each other. When people challenge Marinette’s honor, Adrien speaks up. When their friends think Adrien sent a mean message, Marinette knows it couldn’t possibly be from him. They see each other, even when others don’t, and I love that about them.

Protective/Sacrificing

Along that same vein, I love how much they protect and sacrifice for each other. Since s1, we’ve seen Marinette sacrifice chances to impress him for his ultimate happiness. When he thinks her scarf came from his dad, when she quietly returns his father’s book so he can come back to school, when she gives up her feelings when he’s in love with someone else. Marinette has always wanted him to be happy, even if that’s not with her. She swallows her feelings when he’s with Kagami, and even tries to help Kagami reignite her feelings after they break up.

In Adrien, we see a protective nature come out in him when it comes to Marinette. How many times has he tackled her away from danger and cradled her head? When she gets bumped to the back of the class, he goes back to join her so she’s not alone. When trouble breaks out, he tells her specifically to find somewhere safe. He took on a statue Hawkmoth with an umbrella to protect her. When he thought she was sad, he tried to cheer her up. When he found out another boy broke her heart and felt no remorse, he snapped. When he realized how bad Chloe used to bully Marinette, he cut ties with her. When Kagami got the wrong impression of Marinette, he set the record straight. They both pay so much attention to each other and are always trying to keep the other one safe and happy. They’re so sweet.

Literally the softest ever

Okay, this is my section to gush about how cute they are. I mean look at them.

You could make several collages of all of the soft looks Adrien has given her over the course of the show.

Look at them blushing

And holding hands

They are the cutest couple! Literally soulmates, made for each other, perfect in every way for each other wow.

Two absolutely unhinged halves of a whole idiot

Even with as cute as they are, these two are still a chaotic duo, and I love that for them. She literally had him pick up constipation capsules for her once, and he didn't bat an eye. She kissed him when she thought he was a statue, and that was the moment he realized he might like her. She full on panicked about sitting next to him on an airplane, and he was totally unfazed. Even hugged her the next morning and talked about how grateful he was to have her as a friend. When she couldn’t figure out an automatic door, he stayed with her the whole time and jumped to catch her when she fell. We stan two halves of a whole idiot.

Slow Burn

Listen, I know that we were going crazy over the will-they-won’t-they all this time, but seeing them together now has made it all worth it. Watching season 1 again knowing that someday Marinette does confess her feelings and get the boy is just everything. All of their little moments, the soft looks Adrien always gave her and how much we clowned on him for being in denial about his feelings for her. How he finally wised up and realized he loved her. Watching their relationship grow and develop over the last several years has certainly been a journey, but looking back at it now, all of those little hints and pieces we picked up but didn’t know if they’d ever pay off have finally paid off. They’re canon. Like actually, properly canon. And I’m loving that they didn’t wait until the very end for them to confess, but instead are continuing the slow burn by addressing their trauma and Adrien’s complicated home life. They’re dating and still fighting to be together. I love that their love wasn’t just an end-all-be-all prize to win in the very end. They got together and things weren’t perfect. All of their problems didn’t magically get solved. They still have to work together to figure things out and are continuing to grow together. It’s the goodest shit.

Carving their own path

The last thing I want to talk about is how much I appreciate that they are carving their own path for their relationship. Their friends all have this image in their mind of what they need to be happy. Adrien’s father has his own image for what Adrien needs to be happy, but the two of them? They’re like thanks but no thanks. We’re gonna figure this out on our own. Their fairytale love story has been anything but since they got together. Marinette was still having nervous breakdowns around him and running away. Adrien’s father was constantly trying to keep them apart. But despite all of that, they continue to work together to sort through all of the messes and be there for each other. After Adrien learns that Marinette has unresolved trauma that he’s been unknowingly triggering all this time, he makes a change to help her work through that. When Adrien is stuck between what he wants and what his dad wants, Marinette promises not to give up on him.

They’ve told us since the very beginning that these two are made for each other, and we’ve gotten bits and pieces over the course of the show demonstrating the ways they work together in perfect sync, but this season is really showing us why these two are made for each other. It’s because they work for it, and they work together for it. Yes, they have undeniable chemistry and are a perfect team, but when things get hard, they don’t give up on each other.

I dunno. I just think they’re neat.

[girlreviews]

Review #295: Random Access Memories, Daft Punk

It sort of blows my mind that this album is already over a decade old. It’s been out long enough that I listened to it too much, let it live in the wilderness for a while, and then fell in love with it again. I kinda think it might have been a little critically divisive at the time. Some people thought it was very commercial and really far away from what they had come to love about Daft Punk. But a lot of people didn’t mind the direction they had taken because it was still artistically really good. I definitely think it holds up. And I liked their older stuff a lot too. It’s okay to like both, not sure if everyone realizes that. We actually don’t have to fight about it guys! Not only did it have a lot more emotional and lyrical substance to it compared to previous work, but they were really adding in a lot of complexity with more mainstream instruments through their collaborations. It was really cool, what those robots did, man. They really did a lot for music in the 2000s. Even with their music videos and shit. Thank you robots.

This record came out in late May of 2013. I left the UK and moved back to the US in late June of 2013. That last month was spent with friends, spending quality time before we said goodbye, and we happened to get a few weeks of sunshine. Get Lucky had been released in April ahead of the full album, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. I remember my boy bestie sending it to me and being like, hey, fuckin’ listen to this, yeah? It had Nile Rogers from Chic in it! Fuck yeah! We fucking love some Chic! It’s about time people realized they were cool! By the end of the week our group chat was just back and forth of “We’re up all night to get [insert literally any two syllable word]”. It got old quickly to be honest, and eventually so did the song. But I still do melt right at the very end when its tiny little guitar riff gently repeats and fades out. I will always let the song play all the way through just so I can hear it end so perfectly. It never bothered me that it got so overplayed on the radio, it bothered me that on the radio, that guitar riff got talked over by the DJ EVERY FUCKING TIME. Criminal.

Then the rest of it came and every meetup or long weekend together was a lot of dancing, alongside a heated debate or deep and meaningful conversation about which track was the best. There were only a few people who were just too cool to admit that it was simply a great album. Always the usual suspects. I was always an outlier with my thoughts on the best track, which in my humble opinion is Touch, featuring Paul Williams. The same Paul Williams that wrote Kermit the Frog’s Rainbow Connection, and the entire Muppet Christmas Carol soundtrack. I imagine other people might cite other more famous works of his — but I really love the Muppets, and I’m proud of my choices. I think that fact alone is enough to make it the best track truth be told but it also happens to just be absolutely incredible. Lyrically, it actually blows my tiny mind. Multiple times throughout, actually. But musically it’s just out of this fucking world. Someone had this song in their mind, and brought it into existence so that it could be heard and witnessed by us all. I can listen to the piano alongside these electronic space travel noises gently lead into two robots beautifully singing to me, like a lullaby, until it descends into a whole-ass choir:

“Hold on

If love is the answer

You’re home”

On repeat. For awhile. Just long enough that you’re like. Wow yeah, I’m home! Everything’s gonna be okay! Thank you kind robots and children apparently in space! And then some violins are gently floating you back down to earth, with an up-tempo and assuring drumbeat. The children are still singing, but they’re getting further away. Suddenly. Paul’s back. And his voice is alone, eventually joined by the piano, which is somber. He’s very serious:

“Touch, sweet touch

You’ve given me too much to feel

Touch, sweet touch

You’ve almost convinced me I’m real

I need something more

I need something more”

WHAT? ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS? WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHERE HAVE I BEEN? AM I OKAY? WILL I EVER BE OKAY AGAIN?

I will, you will, we all will, but what’s just happened is, we have all just listened to an absolutely perfect and incredible work of pure emotional and artistic genius. When I hear this song it feels like my muscles relax. It makes my ears warm. It moves me. I’m not really joking when I say it’s literally a journey — no wait, a Broadway performance, featuring Nile Rogers — through time and space.

I believe we all agreed that Giorgio by Moroder was outstanding. I still agree with that. In fact from my love of the track I have gone on to listen to a lot more of Giorgio Moroder’s work, or maybe discovered that I had listened to a lot of it without really realizing. The part about the “click”, and the Moog modulator. I love thinking about this time in music, because there would have been this time where people heard sounds they had literally never heard before. I went to the Moog factory in Asheville, NC and it was the coolest shit ever. Nerdy, cool ass shit. Like Giorgio Moroder, and Daft Punk.

Random Access Memories was just the perfect soundtrack to that very sunny, sweet, and sort of sad time. I was gathering up my belongings and delivering the most special items to my friends (my records, my guitar, art, books), things I couldn’t bring with me, so that they could look after them until I got everything figured out. If I were to look at any pictures from those last few weeks in the UK, I know we would were all super fucked up in every single one. In our defense we were all 24/25 years old, and I don’t think we wanted to deal with our big feelings. I most certainly didn’t. And it was really fucking fun. We all felt the love. They are happy memories. Those are still my people. They still have my stuff. We all still love this record. It’s just that the last time I spent New Year’s Eve with them, we played nerdy board games, watched Jools Hollands Hootenanny, had a cheese plate and some wine and went to bed by 1AM. And then on New Year’s Day we went on a “lovely nice walk”.

At one of my friends 30th birthdays, and this was well into my living in the states, everyone was really hammered and the playlist was pretty all over the place. A lot of very millennial emo, Blink 182, you know. But suddenly Instant Crush from this album, the collaboration with Julian Casablancas came on. I swear to god, the weirdest thing happened. It had been pretty rowdy, we were all drunk and singing along to whatever was on and getting pretty silly, but when this song came on. Everyone stood in a circle, and sang it really sweetly doing tiny little robot wiggles. It was so pure. It ended, everyone cracked up, and then resumed the chaos. The next day I had one of the worst hangovers I’d had in a fucking WHILE and had to go to a pretty fancy brunch with my brother in law and his wife. I had to excuse myself from the table to barf SEVERAL times. I regret nothing.

I feel really sentimental about this record, it just makes me think of summer, friends, sunshine, being fucked up in a fun way, and goodbyes — but the kind that are okay because it’s with your ride or dies who you know are always gonna be there. It’s twelve years later, I’m listening to Random Access Memories as I write this, and we are all still besties. I do probably need to get my stuff from them though.

In 2023, to celebrate 10 years of Random Access Memories, Daft Punk released the drumless edition of the album. This one didn’t seem to be such a universally adored hit among all of my pals. But I gotta tell you, I loved it just as much. It feels totally different and I was here for it. Check it out, maybe you’ll hate it, but keep an open mind. I admit, it’s likely that I have rose tinted glasses on about it. That’s fine with me.

[katiica1412]

How I fell in love with the Trigun franchise.

This essay ist mostly intended for those who know at least one installment of the Trigun franchise and are wondering if they should check out the others, but mostly it's about the personal journey I had with this series. It's not meant to analyze the series in any deep fashion, because I think that would take weeks or months and several rewatches/rereads.

It's just about my feelings.

I wrote this on a whim but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Consider it a love letter. Also because it is inevitable, this contains heavy spoilers, especially for Trigun Stampede, you have been warned.

Trigun Stampede was a series I was actually pretty interested in, when it was announced. A reboot of a big name that is often mentioned in the same breath as Cowboy Bebop, which I hadn't seen yet either, but everyone had some kind of big respect for it, so it mattered.

Then it was even being animated by one of the most promising studios in recent years. Studio Orange, who are the runner-ups for 3D-anime with their amazing blend of 2D-animation and CGI.

So what could possibly go wrong here? At first absolutely nothing.

The pilot episode had everyone on the edge of their seats and left most people flabbergasted. I still consider it one of the best pilots I've seen in recent years. It looked gorgeous and sold me on the main character pretty quickly.

But the main goal seemed ….not too complex..... and even a bit too…. straightforward for my taste.

An evil twin brother.

A simple good versus evil story, I thought.

Then episode 3 came along and introduced the villain doing his glorious evil deeds in an extravagant fashion. But something was off. Our main character was blamed by the townspeople, even though he meant for the best? But you couldn't even be mad at the people because they were understandably devastated? The story all of a sudden got more layers. But I didn't get how important that dilemma would become in the long run.

I didn't get it.

I didn't get how much it would make me feel…..

The next episodes I enjoyed moderately.

I was watching weekly, so I enjoyed some of them more then others. I still was a bit irritated by the plot, even if I quite enjoyed the setting.

But they were seemingly wandering aimlessly on that desert planet.

I mean, eventually Vash and Knives would have to face each other…..but I didn't get what the story was trying to do until then.

Even when Wolfwood was introduced, I still hadn't understood. He was incredibly likeable and played off with the main cast very well. His backstory was told so beautifully in episode 6. Episode 8 was another highlight for me. We were finally getting a wonderfully flashed out backstory for Vash that made him so much more rounded. It was also greatly expanding on Knives' motives.

But then the episodes after…….I didn't feel it anymore….

I don't even know why.

Maybe I fell into that seasonal anime burnout, maybe I was just down…..depressed, call it what you will….

I didn't like watching Meryl and Roberto.

The dialogues irritated me and I was just frustrated I couldn't enjoy it anymore.

But then….

Then came Vash's dream sequence.

The flower garden lightening up in a beautiful red.

Rem standing at the tree in the middle.

A little Vash running towards her.

Jumping into her arms.

Smiling.

Her arms caressing him, and him feeling the safest, the most loved he has ever been.

…and I…

I felt that too. It was like an epiphany. I finally understood the core. It was like I was blind then began to see.

It was such an overwhelming content feeling.

I saw Rem being painted as mother earth. This story was about our world.

Their world.

About humanities' exploitation of the nature, of each other.

About the human condition as a whole, about hate, if everything could be overcome, but most significantly...

…about love and peace.

In its center was Vash who embodies it all, fights for it, even if he doesn't like it, and carries his message through the world, but at the same time it's about him experiencing the greatest cruelty because of his circumstances.

But holy fuck it didn't even stop there…… The most impressive thing had yet to come. The final episode. It's never been the same for me after that.

All of a sudden this show showed all its christian inspired glory! NOT ONCE I thought about this series as christian inspired… NOT ONCE. UNTIL THEY LITERALLY SHOWED US TWO FALLEN ANGELS FIGHTING OVER THE POWER OF GOD. EVEN THOUGH WOLFWOOD LITERALLY CARRIES A CROSS THE WHOLE SHOW SYMBOLIZING HIS SINS, YEAH I WAS BLIND.

After I saw that, I saw them everywhere! The motives! Every fucking where!!! Especially in Vash.

"Even if they hunt me! I'll just run away! I'll run, run, run, and keep running as far as i have to! And when things calm down, I'll quietly settle by their side again! I'm Vash the Stampede!"

I enjoyed all that symbolism immensely. I wouldn't consider myself the most religious person, but I have been raised in a Christian household and I do want to believe in the lessons of mercy, love and charity, like Vash does. I know, I'm probably oversentimental right now, but ...in the end this franchise made me feel...it wasn't wrong to think that way.

And that's not even all the series has to offer….it's overall a philosophical playground about morality.

So there was no escaping it, I had to know more about this story now.

The next thing I did was binging the 1998 anime by Madhouse. It has a very different approach to things, but it built on the aforementioned themes in a magnificent way. The presentation of the designs and setting were a lot more Western-genre-oriented and now I think, they're even better suited to make the themes shine.

After all Stampede was more leaning into the modern sci-fi elements and mostly focusing on the main brotherly conflict and the lore surrounding it, probably due to time contraints.

This version showed us a little more of the people living on this planet, and their unavoidable struggles. Different stories about people's dependance on others and the little resources they needed to survive.

This Trigun world was more painted as a world, where the crime rate was incredibly high, everyone has to carry a gun and unnecessary duels happen everyday. A cruel place to believe in such a thing as mercy. A place where more villains actively want to break Vash and make him turn on his pacifistic ideals.

Ironically this iteration had a lot of funny moments as well, it was easier to become attached to the characters that way.

It was also a great way of filling me in on a lot of information the reboot left open or still hadn't explored.

Vash was an even more conflicted character here and accompanied with Wolfwood's inner struggles, those two make the perfect antithesis to each other and Knives. Knives in this iteration could hardly be called a character at all. He feels more like a MCGuffin, even if he still gets a minimum share of development.

In the end this anime made me feel a lot of different emotions and with all its great fitting original content managed to tell a beautiful coherent narrative with a beautiful finale that leaves everyone satisfied.

Everyone but me….because I knew there was more :D

Something was still missing here….a lot of the lore regarding the twins and history of this planet that was explained in Stampede wasn't here.

So it was time for me to get to the best part. The finished source material by Yasuhiro Nightow himself.

Trigun and especially the sequel Trigun Maximum.

Imagine it that way.

If you take the best things of both animes and mash them together, this is what you get.

That's one of the reasons those two series complement each other so well.

Oh boy, where do I begin.

This one is daaaark.

If you thought the trauma presentation and villainous encounters in the other two animes were already hard to swallow, this shit's going to destroy you. It did me. I never knew how much underlying sadness a character and I could endure. But also at the same time Vash was the same as his 98 anime counterpart, witty, a jokester, an incredible gunman sure of his capabilities, an incredibly caring hero with ideals worth following, but also a tragic hero.

"What am I supposed to do?

I don't know anymore..."

This iteration shows all of the aspects of his character the other two already had, but also a lot more...

The same with Wolfwood and Knives.

It finally establishes Wolfwood as the second protagonist he has always been, as the 98 anime does introduce him way later in ratio with the lenghth of the manga. We spend more time with him.

Although Knives has a lot more charisma in Stampede, here he has a much more flashed out motive and plan. He seems the most threatening here.

Even his followers all get the time they deserve, Trigun Maximum is where Legato Bluesummers is the craziest he will ever be!

Since this story had enough time to be flashed out, they make the journey longer and harder for all the characters, and the moral dilemmas more complex.

The attention to detail is at the highest it has ever been and the fights and action scenes are a sight to be hold, ….including gore and unsettling imagery throughout.

It works a lot with atmosphere and auras the characters radiate, it doesn't overexplain anything and has some of the best one liners I've ever read, some of them the anime adaptations obviously used as well.

The scale feels enormous by the end, so much so that it overwhelmed me emotionally sometimes…..

If Trigun Stampede really plans to follow this at least a bit, we are in for a visual treat.

But even if they succeed and make it their own, which they, in my opinion already did, the sheer amount of missing content that needed to be adapted to give it the same emotional debth as the manga seems just too great for just another cour… Whatever happens I will be there and support it.

I also have a few things I only briefly want to mention.

Meryl and Milly are awesome. They don't have a big role to play, but it's sufficient. Love them.

The action scenes and visual presentation in all of the iterations, but mostly in the manga, are nuts. The weapons and fighting choreographies are crazy and inventive, thus really enjoyable and infectious.

Legato is the best villain in this story, sorry Knives, of course you're doing well too.

No, I don't ship Vashwood, but I understand why some would.

And lastly, over the studiing of this franchise I grew incredibly attached to Vash. He is probably one of the best protagonists I've ever watched growing.

By now, I have watched Trigun Stampede three times, in sub, german dub and english dub. I have watched Trigun (1998) two times, in sub and in german dub. And last week I have finished reading Trigun Maximum the second time.

In the span of five months.

It never got boring…. And I don't see me letting go of this series anytime soon.

Thanks for reading!

[ikesenwritings]

hi!! hope you’re doing well!! i’m so excited requests are open! can i humbly request hcs of some ikesen men with an mc that has a lot of tattoos? i specifically have one of a broadsword and i’ve always wondered what the warlords would think of that lol. i’d specifically love masa, mitsuhide, nobu, and shingen, but pls take whatever liberties you want! thank you <3 🗡️

A/N: Hello, anon!! Wowowow, you requested this a while back 😅😅 I’m so sorry this took so long and even more sorry that I only chose to write for Masa. For some reason, I really only had the inspiration to write when I was thinking of Masa. I hope you enjoy my writing—I found it a little difficult because I’m not too knowledgeable about weapons and I had wanted to compare a broadsword to the warlords’ standard weapon, I hope I did somewhat of a decent job.

I also did some brief research about tattoos in Japan because I know it’s widely popular now, but there’s still some stigma around it, and there are restrictions in a few public places if you have tattoos. They were once seen in a positive light but then viewed in a negative light until the Edo Period, when a Chinese novel depicting scenes with tattooed bodies was popularized, where it was starting to be seen more positively again. It actually became a status symbol during this period. Then, in the Meiji Period, the emperor had banned tattoos again but was not limited to tattooing foreigners. Tattoos were fully legalized in 1946. I’d definitely recommend reading up on it, if you’re interested because my research was very surface level lol.

Obviously, I wrote this from the standpoint that all of our beloved, fictionalized historical figures are way more open and understanding!

-

[HC] Tattooed MC

The first time he got a peak at your tattoos was the very first kiss you shared… y’know, the one where you both fell into a stream and got absolutely soaked?

After the two of you broke apart, you readjusted your kimono and momentarily revealed a part of a tattoo that wound up your left tricep, around your shoulder, and across your collarbone.

He didn’t question it then, but he knew you were hiding more, whatever these strange markings were.

He couldn’t recall if he had ever met someone with tattoos before, they were still considered taboo in the Sengoku period—they had been for centuries.

Eventually, he grew too curious—his feelings for you were serious and his admiration for your sketches and other artwork was profound.

He needed to see what the rest of your tattoo looked like.

He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’s imagined what other images were beautifully drawn on your body and where they could possibly be located; he’s certainly thought of delicately tracing the lines of ink with his finger or the tip of his tongue.

One night, he visited your room and asked about the tattoo he saw that day.

You told him it was a dragon and how fitting it was for the two of you.

You’re quick to show him, comfortable enough to strip down to your undergarments and eager to show off the longest tattoo you’ve ever sat down for.

His eyes widen—your body is almost entirely littered with ink, and it’s awfully attractive.

Both your arms have a scattering of tattoos as well as one of your thighs.

You even show him the one that’s situated right under your right breast.

The last one you show him is one of a broadsword on your inner forearm.

You tell him the significance of it, whether there was a special meaning behind it or you got it because you thought it looked cool.

Either way, he thinks it’s badass—it’s certainly different from his own weapon and any other sword in Japan.

By the end of show and tell, he’s got you laid back on the tatami mat, leaving kisses on every tattoo on your body.

He relishes in the laugh that escapes your mouth when he started suggesting places for you to get tatted, unknowingly asking if you could get a classic tramp stamp.