#There’s a very real possibility that none of this makes sense. It is the middle of the night and my brain is zooming

[calibrationneeded]

John dehumanizes Sam and Dean in different ways, but both in the way a solider would to keep a “level” head in a situation, which I think makes a lot of sense, as John was a marine.

Initially, he seems to view Sam as someone might view the “good side” in combat, something that needs to be defended even if it means laying down your life, but there’s no actual emotional connection, a soldier who loves this country doesn’t necessarily love the people. Later on after the demon blood incident it’s like a switch is flipped for John, and all the sudden he sees Sam almost as a traitor who needs to be taken out. It kind of makes me think of in zombie media when a character is turned and another one kills them without hesitation because it doesn’t matter if they used to be their loved one, they have to kill them for the greater good.

With Dean, he treats him kind of like a subordinate or fellow officer. He cares about him, but in the throes of what he sees as battle, if his comrade is taken out, he can’t always stop to save them, he would have to do what’s best for the greater good in the situation. He would feel sad if Dean died, but he would justify it by saying that, that’s the way war is, and that Dean was a martyr (as if Dean chose to be in John’s Sudo army). I think this is also why John is so aggressively hard on him because he doesn’t see him as his son, he sees him as a soldier who needs to be harped on.

This is also reflected in the canon because there are several times where a character will assume that Dean was in the military, and he will answer along the lines of that he did serve, but he’ll be vague. To be perfectly honest, Dean did essentially serve when it comes to the emotional toll, but he was never in an actual military position. 

“Even extreme grief may ultimately vent itself in violence--but more generally takes the form of apathy.” -Joseph Conrad (Heart of Darkness, 1899.)

[megalony]

You're Mine Now

This is well overdue, but here is a new Evan Buckley imagine which is part of the Can't You Be Mine series. It's a little spin-off I had an idea for and I hope you will all like it.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

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Evan Buckley Masterlist

Can't You Be Mine

Summary: Minnie loves Evan and thinks of him as her real dad, so they decide to surprise Evan by making things official on a very special day.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why do I recognise this place?"

A grin spread slowly across Evan's face as he hopped down from the truck behind Eddie. He shut the truck door behind him and took a moment to glance around the playground they had parked up in while the rest of the team clambered down and waited to be told what equipment they would need from the truck.

When a confused look flooded Chimney's face and he looked around as if he was having a sense of de ja vu, Evan gave in.

"This is Minnie's school." He murmured softly, watching as Chimney clicked his fingers and nodded while Eddie let out a small 'ah'.

Now that made sense. That was why this place was vaguely familiar to Chimney. This was where (Y/n)'s daughter went, the little girl who had already wormed her way into Evan's heart and who had enchanted all of the team with them all wrapped around her little finger.

"Alright Cap, where'd you want us?" Hen placed her hands on her hips as they all took a glance around the playground. It was deserted, but there was a larger playground at the back of the school where they figured all the kids would be lining up at the moment.

"Hen and Eddie, you two can go talk to the teachers, make sure there are no kids feeling ill. You two come with me, we're here as back up and precaution, we don't need to suit up yet."

There was a possible gas leak in the school. All the staff and children had been ecavuated outside for safety precautions and another fire department had already arrived to go inside and check. If the place was cleared and none of the kids were unwell everyone could go back inside and they could leave. But they needed another unit here just to be safe and make sure everyone was okay and in case they had a leak that needed to be stopped.

Hen and Eddie grabbed a medic bag each, just to be safe and they made their way towards the captain of the other team who was on the far left side of the next playground talking to the head teacher.

Whereas Bobby led Chimney and Evan over to the other side of the playground near to the children.

They were lined up in classes, with all the toddlers on the left near the play equipment, all of them jittering and unable to stand still. Then there were the younger kids, the middle kids and the elders up to eleven all in rows with their respective classes.

Kids were leaning over into other lines to chat with friends, some towards the back were trying to veer off a little to be together, clearly bored. And a few were watching the fire department with vigor, eager to see them do something spectacular.

Evan folded his arms over his chest and stood beside Chimney, both of them stood near the far wall with the kids lined ahead of them.

He couldn't help it. He just had to scan his eyes through the line of kids to try and find his girl. He knew she was here, he had dropped her off at the gates this morning on his way to work. The added bonus of having sunglasses perched high on his nose meant Evan could scan around the crowds without anyone really knowing what he was doing.

He was here to help and to work, not to try and look for his daughter, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to see that she was here and alright. Minnie was a nervous girl, this would either seem utterly terrifying or strangely fun to her and Evan wanted to know that she wasn't panicking right now.

He didn't get to finish scanning the crowds to find her before his attention was drawn to Bobby who was chatting to one of the teachers. It seemed like this was either a false alarm or only a very small, contained leak which is what they were all hoping for.

"Yes, well I think that…" Whatever else the teacher began to say went in one ear and out the other when another voice distracted Evan and stole his full attention.

"Daddy!"

A wide grin spread across Minnie's lips when she looked ahead and saw a familiar figure she had been with less than three hours ago.

Without thinking twice, Minnie pulled away from the line she was stood in with the rest of her class. She didn't care that she accidentally nudged one of the younger kids beside her or that people were looking at her- something she absolutely hated. All she cared about was getting to Evan.

Her plats bashed against her cheeks as she weaved around her classmates and scuttled across the playground, almost tripping twice in her haste to get to her dad.

The four year old was surprisingly stealth as she darted away from the rest of the class and weaved expertly before her teacher could grab her.

Evan's eyes darted to the young teacher who called out "Minnie stop!" but her words had no effect. Minnie was already within Evan's grasp.

Without thinking, Evan crouched down and scooped Minnie up before she barrelled into his legs and knocked him to the ground. He swung her round just to hear her giggle and cocooned her into his chest with one hand cradling the back of her head and his lips meshed against her temple.

When he looked over Minnie's shoulder towards her teacher, he could see the recognition in her eyes. She knew he wasn't some random stranger grabbing one of the kids in the playground. He was a relative. Minnie had stated as much when she called out to him.

He softly mouthed 'sorry' in the teacher's direction but she managed a tight-lipped smile and shook her head. Clearly Minnie wasn't absconding, she was safe and she wasn't far away, as long as Evan didn't take her away from the playground it would be alright for Minnie to be with him for a little while.

"There's my girl, you okay little mouse?" He murmured each word against her temple and bounced her a little higher on his chest as he inclined back so he could look down at her.

He loved how she began to tap her fingers against his neck and she nuzzled her nose against his, nudging his glasses higher in the process. The way her nose crinkled as she smiled made Evan's grin spread and he pressed a kiss to the end of her nose.

The team all knew that he had taken Minnie on as his own. It didn't matter that she wasn't biologically his or that he hadn't been there for the first two and a half years of her life. All that mattered was that he was here now and he loved her as if he had been in her life since the beginning.

"Yeah, why you here daddy… no fire." Minnie moved one hand to wave behind her towards the school. She wasn't sure what was happening, she had no idea why everyone was practising one of their emergency drills or why they were now watching the fire department arrive. It was too confusing.

"Ah but this is an emergency and we deal with emergencies, baby. I gotta keep you safe, don't I?"

His words made Minnie smile and she kissed his cheek before she nuzzled her cheek into his shoulder and tucked up against him. He knew what she was doing. Now that she had seen him, she wouldn't want him to leave. When he had to get back to work Minnie wouldn't want him to put her down and the longer he stood here holding her, the less cooperative she would be.

He took the time to run his hand up and down her back and pepper a few more kisses to her temple while he faced Bobby and Chimney. Trying to keep an ear out for their conversation so he knew what was happening.

He knew they didn't mind him spending a few minutes with Minnie, it would be the same if any of their kids were around while they were on a call.

When he glanced down and caught Minnie closing her eyes as she snuggled closer into him, Evan took a deep breath. He needed to put her down and get her back to her class now.

"Okay baby, are you gonna go back in line now so I can try and save the day?" He murmured each word against her ear and kissed her temple when she grumbled and tried to shake her head and curl into him a bit more. If he could, Evan would stand here all day and cuddle her. But he knew the teacher was continuously glancing over at them and he would either have to help fix the leak or pack up and go soon depending on how this situation turned out.

He couldn't stand around and cuddle his girl all afternoon, despite how desperate he was to stay here with her. And he just knew that when (Y/n) picked Minnie up this afternoon, she would be telling her mum all about Evan's visit to the school and the fire trucks she had seen.

She tried to whine when Evan hunched over and carefully set her down to her feet. He held her waist so she couldn't attach herself to his legs and he pressed a sloppy kiss to her temple.

"Be a good girl for me, hm?" She nodded shyly and looked up at him through her lashes as he kissed her cheek again before turning her in the right direction to go back to her class. "Bye little mouse."

His hands moved to his hips as he watched her trot back towards her teacher, the spring now gone out of her step as the excitement had faded.

"Didn't think she was gonna let you go." Chimney whispered softly when Evan moved to stand beside him again. He thought it best to move back towards the team so Minnie was less likely to try and follow him or keep looking at him with those big doe eyes that always made Evan cave in.

Evan snook one more glance towards his girl with a smile before he turned his back and faced Bobby. It was more for his sake than hers, if he looked at her he would be inclined to cave in and go back over there or let Minnie scamper over here. He didn't want to disrrupt her when she was at school, her day had already been flipped by this emergency evacuation outside.

When Minnie slotted back into place in line with her class, she tried to smile at her friend stood beside her in the next row. Marie knew Evan was Minnie's dad, she had said hello to him a few times when he came to pick Minnie up from school.

"That's my daddy." Minnie mumbled quietly when the girl on her other side, the older girl from the next class, looked between her and where Evan and the rest of the team were stood.

"His shirt says Buckley." The girl commented with one arched brow and an unimpressed look on her face.

Didn't she think Evan and his job was good or impressive? Did she know that Minnie's dad was here to look after them and sort out the emergency? Or did she simply not care? Whatever the reason, Minnie didn't like it. She didn't like the way the older girl was looking at her.

"So?"

What did it matter what his shirt said? It said his name, what else was it supposed to say?

"Then he's not your dad, you don't share the same name."

For a moment, Minnie was shocked that this girl knew her name, but then she remembered. They had all answered when their names were called out.

And Minnie's last name wasn't Buckley.

Why did that mean he wasn't her dad? Didn't other kids sometimes have their mum's name rather than their dads? Did Minnie need Evan's name to be his daughter?

He said he was her dad. When she asked him about it, Evan agreed and (Y/n) said so too. They said he was her dad. He brought her to school, he picked her up when he wasn't at work. He took her shopping and tucked her in bed at night and read her stories. He laid with her when she had nightmares. He kissed (Y/n) which meant he was her partner and that meant he was Minnie's dad.

"Yes he is." The defiant tone in Minnie's voice was dampened by the slight crack to her words and the tears welling up in her eyes.

She wanted to stomp her foot into the ground. She wanted to drag the older girl over to Evan and tell him to tell her that he was Minnie's dad. She wanted to demand that this girl listen to her and agree what Minnie already knew. But the older girl had already turned away to talk to her friends.

A tear trickled down Minnie's cheek as she bowed her head and began to fiddle her hands in front of her.

Evan was her dad. It was all she wanted since she could remember, it was all she knew. Everyone else had two parents and Minnie hated how Evan never used to introduce himself as her dad until a year ago. She had been beaming every single day since he started to say that he was her dad. And he started to tell people that this was his little girl. That Minnie was his little girl.

He was her dad now, wasn't he? He had to be.

***

A soft smile lit up (Y/n)'s face when she watched Minnie trotting over to her from the school doors. She watched her girl bounce her Minnie Mouse backpack on her shoulders and rush ahead of everyone else, but the closer she got, the less (Y/n) began to smile.

Her daughter didn't look happy.

Instead of rushing over to (Y/n) with open arms and a wide, dazzling smile, Minnie kept her gaze on the floor and didn't reach out for (Y/n) at all. Instead of saying goodbye to her friends or walking out with them, Minnie ignored them completely like she thought she was a shadow, a ghost, invisible.

The four year old continued walking towards the gates and when (Y/n) reached out to take her hand, she shuddered when Minnie shrugged away and stomped towards the car.

A few other parents glanced their way but no one commented. Maybe Minnie was having a tantrum about something. Whatever it was, (Y/n) didn't like it. She felt like a stone was sinking to the pit of her stomach and her heart was physically aching in her chest.

Minnie was always a nervous but very happy child. She never seemed so upset and angry and frustrated like this. She always met (Y/n) at the gates with a grin and a kiss and she would hold her hand and recite everything that happened at school.

When (Y/n) unlocked the car and opened the door, Minnie wordlessly scrambled up into the passenger seat and slumped into her car seat. She refused to look at (Y/n) as she buckled her in and when (Y/n) pressed a kiss to her temple, she gained no reaction. At all.

The silence continued as (Y/n) got in the car and put her own belt on, but when she looked over and saw her daughter staring out the window as if the world was about to end, she sighed. She pulled out the car park and began to drive.

"Minnie, baby what's wrong?"

A strike of fear punctured through (Y/n)'s heart when she looked across at her daughter and saw tears starting to trickle down her face.

Why was she crying? What had happened at school today?

Both Minnie's arms bound tight around her waist and she shuffled down in her seat until she looked like she was about to melt into a puddle. Her knees curled up towards her tummy but she finally lolled her head to the left to look over at her mum. Her button nose was scrunched up and her lips were moulded into a harsh pout, showing her clear displeasure and unhappiness.

"Did something happen at sch-"

"Why don't me and daddy have the same name?" There was no time for (Y/n) to finish speaking before Minnie cut her off.

That took (Y/n) by surprise.

She hadn't been expecting this conversation, not for a few years at least. Minnie was only four, things like different last names didn't concern her because she didn't understand about that sort of thing yet.

(Y/n) had always feared Minnie growing up and asking about her biological dad, about why she only had (Y/n). Meeting and subsequently getting into a relationship with Evan had quashed those worries because Minnie took to him instantly. She had been two and a half when Evan came into her life. (Y/n) hoped that as she grew up, she simply wouldn't remember that Evan hadn't always been in her life.

The main worry (Y/n) had about that was Minnie looking through old baby photos and asking why there was no photo of Evan holding her as a baby.

She and Evan hadn't talked about this. They hadn't talked about what they wanted to do regarding telling Minnie things, about whether they wanted to tell her that Evan wasn't her biological dad or whether they just wanted to continue in blissful ignorance and hope she never questioned it.

Drumming her fingertips on the steering wheel, (Y/n) sank her teeth down int her lower lip and tried to think up a good response to that.

"Well… because- because you have my name." Did it truly matter why she didn't share Evan's name? Where was this suddenly coming from?

"Then he's not my daddy." The defiant yet broken tone to Minnie's voice shattered something in (Y/n)'s chest and when she looked over at her daughter and saw she was crying, (Y/n) felt even worse.

Evan was her dad in every way that mattered, in all ways that it counted. So what if they didn't have the same last name? So what if he hadn't been there at the beginning? He had been there for every moment since and he loved her. That was enough. That was what truly mattered.

"Yes he is."

A quiet, heartbroken 'no' fluttered past Minnie's lips as more tears continued to cascade down her face. The sight of Minnie's distress tore something inside of (Y/n) and she pulled over and turned the car off so she could give her daughter her full attention and turn to face her.

"Why are you asking about this, baby? What happened at school today?" There was no anger in (Y/n)'s tone and no hint of annoyance, she wasn't irritated, she was worried.

Minnie seemed to look around the car for something to focus on before she sighed and looked up at (Y/n) with those deep pooling eyes. "Someone said t-that he's not my daddy because I have a different name."

"That's not true. Nana doesn't have your last name, but she's still your nana isn't she?"

"Why don't we have his name?"

"Because me and daddy aren't married baby."

Minnie seemed to contemplate it, but she didn't seem satisfied. This was really bugging her and (Y/n) could see why. Jee had Chimney's last name. Denny had a double barelled last name to combine Hen and Karen's names. A lot of the kids in her class had married parents with the same names. Minnie felt like she was missing out or like something was wrong simply because their situation was a little different.

But she was afraid. She didn't want anyone telling her Evan wasn't her dad because she wanted him to be. She was desperate for him to be her dad because she loved him and he loved her too.

A sigh tumbled past (Y/n)'s lips as she ran her fingers through her hair and tilted her head back as she tried to think.

There was one thing that might just calm Minnie down and reassure her, but it was something that (Y/n) hadn't had the time or the chance to talk to Evan about yet. She had a distinct gut feeling that Evan would want this, that he would be alright with it. And if it was something that would make Minnie feel secure and chase those worries away, then even better.

"What if we make it official, what if- if daddy adopts you?" Then it would be official. Evan would be on her file in the school, they could ring him if there were any emergencies or problems. He would be on her file at the doctors and could take her to appointments. He would be her legal guardian in case anything ever happened to (Y/n).

"What that mean?"

"That means you take daddy's name, and that he's your parent on paper, it would be official. Would you like that?"

As quick as anything, Minnie wiped away the tears from her eyes and sat up straighter in her seat. She began to nod her head frantically and reached her hands across to grab (Y/n)'s hand.

She could have his name. She could be a Buckley too and when she told people that Buckley was her last name, they would know who her dad was. They would know that Evan was her dad and they would have some paper to say it. No one could contest it then or try and ruin everything. It would be legal and on paper.

That sounded better. That sounded perfect.

***

"You're not working this weekend, right?"

A strange smile flooded Evan's face as he tilted his head down to look at (Y/n). He arched a brow down at her while his knuckles began to tap against the headboard out of habit.

He began to glide his free hand along the bare expanse of her shoulders and down the groove of her spine while his other arm stayed locked behind his head, keeping him propped up. The room was cast in darkness, the only source of light being the bleak silver glow coming from the tv that was playing an old movie neither of them were paying any attention to.

"No, why? What'd you have in mind?" He continued to trace his fingers along her spine while (Y/n) rested her chin on the centre of his chest. And her arms loosely draped around his waist so she was lying on top of him.

"It's Fathers day… Minnie has a surprise for you."

(Y/n) felt the way Evan sucked in a deep breath and a curious look flooded his baby blue eyes that never left hers.

They hadn't really celebrated Father's day last year when Minnie was three. She didn't fully understand what it meant and Evan had been on a week of double shifts. Plus, they hadn't long moved in together and (Y/n) didn't want to make Evan feel like things were moving too fast.

But Minnie had latched on to him now and she was calling him her dad and he had taken that role willingly. So every Father's day from now on, they would be celebrating and Minnie would be giving Evan gifts.

"A surprise?" There was a glimmer in Evan's eyes and a smile pulled at his lips. He liked surprises, but he didn't like having to wait for them. He was an impatient person by nature and waiting wasn't something Evan was very good at.

When he ducked forward and stole a kiss from her lips, (Y/n) shifted up slightly so she could cup the side of his face and incline closer. She felt him murmur "I like the sound of that," against her lips and it made her smile.

He was happy. He wasn't angry or unsettled or nervous. He was okay with this. She just hoped he would be okay with the present they had gotten for him.

Anticipation bubbled throughout (Y/n)'s nerves when she heard the unmistakeable sound of Minnie's bedroom door opening. When she heard those little feet bashing against the carpet, undoubtedly racing towards their room, (Y/n) sat up.

She stretched her arms above her head and crossed her legs beneath her on the bed while Evan made a small sound but didn't fully wake up.

She knew Minnie wouldn't stay in bed for very long this morning. The four year old was far too excited to give Evan his presents and spoil him for the day. She was excited to see his reaction.

A yawn escaped (Y/n)'s lips just as the bedroom door flung open and Minnie bounded in. She clambered on the end of the bed and scuttled up until she could flop directly onto Evan's chest, since he had been laid on his back, sleeping soundly.

"Morning daddy!"

Something akin to a cough mixed with a groan spluttered past Evan's lips when he felt Minnie flop harshly onto his chest. His bleary eyes shot open and he gruffly moved his arms until they were encased around her and his hand was cradling the back of her head.

"Hi baby," He mumbled quietly and tilted his head up so he could look at her. It took him a few seconds to blink and work out what was going on, but once he remembered what day it was, a spark of adrenaline coursed through his chest. His surprise. That was why Minnie was so excited, she wanted to give him something.

His hand began to feather up and down her back and he pressed a quick kiss to her temple before he looked to the left. He watched (Y/n) as she got up to open the curtains so they could all see what they were doing, but he was glad when she perched back down on the bed.

She sat cross-legged so she was facing them both and Evan's stomach tightened when he realised she was wearing one of his shirts. He hadn't noticed what she had been wearing when he came home from work last night. He simply crawled into bed and attached himself to her as quickly as he could.

(Y/n) uttered a soft "Morning," as she leaned over and pecked Evan's temple while her hand grazed along his cheek and down his neck.

"I made you something."

Evan wanted to sit up, but it was rather hard when Minnie was laid on top of his chest, effectively pinning him down. And although he could easily push up and move her, he didn't want to just yet.

He stayed lying down against the pillows and began carding his fingers through her slightly knotted hair while she leaned across the bed to find the card she had brought in with her. Once she had the lilac card within her grasp, she turned and waved it in front of him until he reached his free hand out to take it from her.

"Is that me?"

Minnie nodded excitedly when Evan motioned to the drawing on the front of the card. She had drawn him in his work uniform with a large helmet on his head and a fire raging in the background.

He knew the italic writing was (Y/n) where it said Happy Father's Day along the top, but it was Minnie's large block writing along the bottom that said 'my daddy'. There were a few splotches of glitter blobbed around the edges and when he opened it up, he grinned. Minnie had drawn a large blue heart on the inside of the card.

A few years ago, Evan never would have thought he would get to have a family, it always seemed like something he desperately wanted but never quite managed to get for himself. He didn't think he would be laid here now, celebrating his first father's day with the two girls that had stolen his heart for themselves.

(Y/n) gently leaned forward and subtly brushed away the tear that had welled up in the corner of Evan's eye.

"It's beautiful, thank you baby." Evan leaned forward to press a wet kiss to Minnie's cheek which caused her smile to radiate and beam back at him. He already knew that he would be taking this with him to work, this would be going up in his locker so he could see it every day when he came to work.

"You get a present too." The broad smile on Minnie's face made Evan's heart flip as he leaned over to set the card down on the side table.

"Oh I do, what is it?" He grinned curiously and moved both hands to grip her waist so he could move her a little.

He nudged her down while he pushed up so he was finally sitting up. He couldn't concentrate properly when he was laid down like that, he needed to be sitting up and fully alert. He shuffled back until his head was against the headboard and he let Minnie scramble up so she could sit down on his lap. His hands stayed on her waist and his head inclined towards (Y/n) while he looked between them both for one of them to tell him what this surprise present was.

He had been waiting all week for this and he was happy to finally find out what they had gotten him.

An unsettling amount of adrenaline and anticipation bubbled up inside of (Y/n) as she turned and leaned over to rummage around in her bedside drawer where she had safely hidden Evan's present.

She slid the large envelope over to Minnie who then held it out to Evan like it was some kind of otherworldly offering.

Evan arched one brow and his lips quirked up into a grin as he took the envelope from her. She had decorated it well. There were hearts and stars stuck all over the envelope and 'daddy' was written in large blue crayon across the centre.

He couldn't think for the life of him what this present could be. Was it some kind of certificate? Was it some kind of mini break for them all to go on or a trip? Was it a picture of him and Minnie? Possibilities ran through Evan's mind as he stared at the envelope for a few seconds, trying to decide what he was betting it could be.

He couldn't imagine what it would be so he flipped it over and carefully peeled the envelope open.

His brows furrowed and a confused smile pulled at his lips as he reached inside, but he wasn't expecting to find a stack of papers.

What on Earth had they got him?

It took a moment or two for Evan's brain to try and catch up with him but as he scrolled over what he was reading, he couldn't make much sense of it. All of their names were on this document at some point, whatever it was, but he couldn't fathom it out. It was too early in the morning for his brain to be reading jargon like this.

"What is it?" The smile that played on his lips made (Y/n) grin, though she tried to supress it.

She liked how he smiled and that gentle tone to his voice that showed he was trying not to sound ungrateful. He simply didn't know what he had been given and (Y/n) didn't expect him to either. She knew this would come as very out of the blue for him.

Before (Y/n) could answer, Minnie started to giggle and her hands patted against Evan's torso before she became too excited to wait for him to work it out.

"It means you're mine now!" The sheer joy in her voice caught Evan off guard and his wide eyes looked down at her just before she lunged.

Her arms encased around his neck and she bashed forward into his chest, causing him to rattle back against the headboard with a bang. His left arm deadlocked around her waist, securing her against his chest that ached and now felt breathless while his other hand gently shook the papers towards (Y/n) so she would explain for him.

He attached his lips to the top of Minnie's head, smiling despite his confusion while his girl began to giggle and laugh into his neck.

(Y/n) could feel her palms beginning to sweat as she inched closer so she was knelt beside Evan's thigh and she gently reached out to take the papers from him and place them on her pillow so they were out the way. She carefully took his hand, entwining their fingers together while she looked down at the few tattoos on his arm so she didn't overthink this too much and begin to panic.

"It's um, adoption papers, if… if you want to of course."

There. She'd done it. She'd braved the big question. All that was left was to pray that this was really what Evan wanted too. (Y/n) prayed she hadn't read this situation wrong, that Evan wouldn't drag her to one side and say this was too much, too sudden, too overwhelming for him. She knew taking on a child was a big thing and this meant long term commitment.

It meant changes in every way, in every aspect of Evan's life, but (Y/n) was sure that this was something he would be okay with, that this was something he would want.

When she finally lifted her eyes from staring at his arm to look over at him, she was stricken to the spot when she saw tears glistening in his eyes and one or two slithering down his reddened face.

But her jaw dropped and was left gaping when Evan sat forward and squeezed Minnie tighter to his chest. He burrowed his lips and nose into her hair and closed his eyes, breathing her in for a moment as he tried to regulate his system and calm down before he got too excited.

"So you're officially my girl now?" His voice was quiet, but the affirmation in his tone was enough to have tears building up in (Y/n)'s eyes too.

He felt Minnie nodding and squirming against his chest as she burrowed tighter into him while he started to pepper kisses against her hair. And she began to laugh when she heard him mumbling 'my daughter' into her hair.

When Minnie wriggled against his chest and started to squeeze him tighter, (Y/n) noticed Evan wince a little and he adjusted Minnie so she was leaning against the left side of his chest rather than the right.

"Are you okay?" (Y/n) leaned across to kiss his cheek and she perched her chin on his shoulder while her arm slithered around his back. He hadn't said he'd hurt himself on shift yesterday but he looked like something was giving him a bit of pain.

Her chest tightened and she tried to stop herself from smiling when Evan turned his head and caught her in a feverish kiss. It almost felt like he was trying to bruise her lips with how desperately he was leaning into her and the feeling of his teeth nipping at her lower lip made her gasp into his mouth.

When he pulled back, he nodded to her question and looked between both girls.

"I guess it's a good time to show you something I've got for you, little mouse."

"Something for me?" Hope flooded Minnie's voice as she sank back onto Evan's thighs and looked at him with sparkles glittering in her eyes.

(Y/n) looked at Evan with a puzzled expression. Why did he have something for Minnie? This was their day to spoil him, not the other way around. And he didn't exactly have anything around the room that might be for Minnie, so (Y/n) couldn't think what he was referring to.

A bewildered look flooded (Y/n)'s eyes and she smiled despite her confusion when Evan leaned away from her so he could scrunch up the bottom of his shirt in his hands. (Y/n) and Minnie both watched with intrigue and sheer confusion plastered across their faces as Evan tugged off his shirt and tossed it somewhere on the floor.

(Y/n) wasn't sure what he was doing or why he had such a devilish yet somehow insecure smile playing on his lips.

And when Minnie gasped and surged forward, (Y/n) had no idea what had caught her attention.

But then she saw it.

A new tattoo.

On the right side of his chest beneath his collar bone, Evan had Minnie inked in Disney letters on his chest. And above the writing, there was a pair of Minnie Mouse ears and the signature red bow settled between them right above the name.

He'd gotten a tattoo for Minnie. Maybe he hadn't known what they had got him for Father's day, but he sure had some spiked sense of intuition because this fit perfectly with the gift they had gotten him.

Minnie was officially going to be his daughter now. She would take his name, and he had hers tattooed on his chest.

[sagelasters]

scientific study on the void state

For decades, people have thought sleeping is a momental period or pause where both the body and mind is asleep. When I stopped remembering my dreams, I recalled seeing just pitch black in my sleep, and I never thought much about it until I started getting into the void and loa in general. It’s strange how my mind remembered those moments of nothingness and pure darkness, they were briefly short but I came to the conclusion that every single one of us has been in a void state. Whether or not you remembered it, maybe you do, maybe for a split second you were enveloped in pitch blackness till you woke up. Most of us brush off these strange phenomenals, but here’s the real question: Is it possible to be aware in your sleep? The answer is yes, our subconscious mind is fully awake even in your sleep. I think one of the most interesting scientific experiments I’ve read was an interview in 2022, it explores the ‘objectless awareness’ in our sleep. 

There were about 38 participants in the experiment, in which they were given a word to mentally spell and then they were interviewed based on that specific spelling. This is to measure participant’s memory accuracy, just to make sure they didn’t fabricate or make up any descriptions in the experiment. When participants pass the first round, they are given a survey if they have experiences of being conscious in their sleep. The result is that some participants recalled to lack any bodily sensations or imagery, one person reported that they lost the sense of being ‘themself’ but they identified as a ‘light’ or ‘orb’. Another person reported that after being in the state of nothingness, they were shaken up and brought to another ‘dream scenery’. Others recalled that their thoughts were completely non-existent in this state and they are aware of being ‘transitioned’ to what they called the ‘black spot’ and ‘nothingness state’. 

The chart summarizes what the participants experience in their sleep, the ‘nothingness phase’ seems to be the middle ground between regular sleeping state, to hypnagogia (transition between being awake and sleep, you experience sleep paralysis and muscle jerks in this stage). Most participants were unable to recall what happened after they transitioned out of the ‘nothingness phase’. The following is what they said:

Participant 1

"So, this sensation of nothing was letting me know that I was still in a dream, because I made the comparison to, I cannot feel any of my limbs. So, I know that I’m not just in bed right now with my eyes closed. Because none of my body’s there."

Participant 2

"I no longer have an idea of a body.. a dream body at that point. And then I [emphasis] became or was this just like this little ball of light, […]. So like I knew that the sphere of light was ME, but also like the light that was around the sphere was me, […] Once I become the sphere, you are asking if I have any body perception? I do not have any at that point […] having a dream body is just completely gone."

Participant 9

“And then, and then all of a sudden, there was just nothing I could not, I’ve gone from, from my body, I guess. And I’ve had other bodies before and this felt very, very, very different where I did not like there was no dream body, no dream scene. No, no ANYTHING. It almost seems like a form about a body. But it almost seems like you are, you are caught between, caught between somewhere where you are trying to get in and the physical, you are, you are somewhere else. […] And so, so I was able to feel that I guess.” 

Participant 8

“It’s more like I was the void. ”

Participant 12

" It’s just total darkness. And you…, there’s very little difference between you and what’s around you. ”

Well didn’t that blow your mind away? This probably raises more questions on more phenomenal that modern science has no idea about, considering the fact that we just discovered our sense of awareness is still on even in our sleep. 

Citation

Alcaraz-Sánchez A, Demšar E, Campillo-Ferrer T, Torres-Platas SG. Nothingness Is All There Is: An Exploration of Objectless Awareness During Sleep. Front Psychol. 2022 Jun 10;13:901031. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.901031. PMID: 35756253; PMCID: PMC9226678.

[moodymisty]

So requests are in so imagine this:

You're on a planet that has not had contact with the imperium. You keep having these recurring wet dreams about this large red dude. The last dream that you had he tells you to pack up your things because he's arriving soon and as his beloved you'll be coming with him. You chalk it up as just another weird dream but you're going to find those dreams were telling the truth.

Author's note: OOOOOO i love this idea!!!!! I'm not proud of the middle of this one, but I think it turned out ok.

Relationships: Magnus/Fem!Reader (one mention of 'cunt' but no pronouns are used)

Warnings: Lewd but not very descriptive NSFW, Mind sex, Wet dreams

"Still not finished?"

You feel breathless, hands roaming all over your body. It feels like there's one, then three, then two and four, all caressing your skin simultaneously. They brush over your chest, then your waist, then hips. You can barely make sense of anything, colors and shapes all come in and out of focus faster than you can understand them.

Though over it all you can hear his voice crystal clear, see the outline of his face as his lips trail across your skin and his flowing red hair curtains either side of your vision.

Every part of your body feels, amazing. You can't pinpoint a part or place just, even your mind itself somehow tingles with pleasure indescribable with any words you know. Everything around you both is too unimportant for your mind to focus on, but you think there's stars, nebulas and planets swirling.

"You are such a strong little thing, to keep up for this long."

His voice is always thick like honey, slathering over your mind. You skin tingles delightfully warm- you feel like you're floating in water, but also being held in a pair of arms at the same time.

"I will be there for you soon."

You wake up moments later, coming face to face with a sun already quite bright. You press your cheek deeper into the pillow and sigh.

You've slept in again.

Your body is slightly damp with sweat, the blankets tangled around you. When you move to sit up and attempt to dislodge yourself from them, you can feel the stickiness of your underwear against you, damp from your own juices.

The dreams are odd; But they're nice. You wonder what's changed to make them so coherent and consistent. They're becoming habitual, expected; A bit odd, but as long as they don't interfere with your life, you suppose they can stay.

If only you know what spurred them on, you think before slipping out of bed to clean yourself before rushing out into the world.

"You are still so eager, has none of this tired you yet?"

This dream feels rougher this time, your body feels so much more tired. Your legs feel like they're stretched wide, as you take something far wider than you could think was possible.

"I am almost there. I promise you before your sun falls, I will have you in my arms. Have your things ready by then."

You don't think on what he says; It's all a mindless, formless dream anyways. You only look up into a swirling mass of red your mind just can't quite bring to clarity. It's too distracted, focused on the tension in your gut as you cry out-

You jolt awake, breath heavy as the moan you were in the middle of letting out is suddenly cut short. Your cunt is still throbbing around nothing, but with it is the ache of stretch that seems- is- impossible.

You groan at the feeling of satisfaction in your gut, but also a headache. You attempt to forget the dream quicker than the others in some misplaced sense of embarrassment. No one knows, but these dreams feel so real, they linger even in the real world through the ghosts of sensation on your body.

You slip from your bed and walk to the balcony, peeking outside. Up in the sky you see the ships are still there, moored in the outer atmosphere. They linger as vague shapes, only the largest- an absolutely gargantuan ship- clearly visible.

They had first arrived a few days ago, instantly confronting your capital city. Their size and strength had been more than apparent, and your planetary leaders had wisely chosen not to fight such a formidable threat. The acquiesced leadership quite quickly, and any resistance to the notion was quelled just as quick.

You haven't seen much of them other than the stray group of their inhumanly large soldiers and their gleaming, brightly colored armor; Trouncing through the city with weapons in their arms. No one gave the any trouble, so they seemed amicable enough. You never got close enough to find out more intimately.

You don't know why their accent felt so familiar though, as well as the symbols etched into their armor.

You have to take a trip to the main palace to deliver yet another dress to your lord and lady that reside there, hefting it over your shoulder and avoiding eye contact with the guards.

The shift in leadership of your planet is less important, when you need food to eat. Many less fortunate felt the same.

Some of your people's guards still remain, though many are replaced by these new, much larger men. If they're permanent or temporary, you don't know.

They almost all have their helmets on, but you feel like they stare at you a bit oddly. For a moment you wonder if they even look human underneath the oddly shaped armor, but the thought is squashed as you keep yourself small and shuffle by- delivering the dress to your mistress who tries it on with no complaints. She keeps it, and leaves you to walk through the halls alone again.

It's a large palace, many of the lords and ladies live hoddled in the safety of it's defenses.

The sounds of footsteps are so loud somewhere in the halls, you figure it must be a squad of those massive men. There isn't a way out apart from this way or the way you came, so you only hope to make yourself look small and not worth messing with.

"Father, why are we going this way? Is the thunderhawk not-"

You turn a corner, and directly down the hall is a whole squad of those men; Though one of them that stands a whole few heads taller in-between them all. The difference in height alone has you frozen, if he was only a tad taller, you'd reckon he'd be far too big for even the most vaulted rooms.

As you stare stupefied his eye locks with yours, and his neutral expression turns to one of much more fondness.

You freeze.

"Ahh, there you are. How lovely that you came to me first."

His men who unlike their fellows outside are without helmets, look at you oddly. You are far too entranced to notice however, like the shock is pulling you in.

He's real.

The voice in your dreams, the floating, abstract shape of a man that had lingered in your dreams for months on end was real. Conversations, entire monologues, the most toe curling, mind shattering pleasure you'd ever felt, all of it wasn't just concocted in your mind? How?

"Leave me for a moment."

He looks to his men, who seem horribly confused. Though he only has to repeat himself once before they hesitantly take their leave and shuffle off.

"You..."

You can barely manage to mumble out, staring at him as he approaches. The aura that entrances you only seems to get worse as he comes closer. Besides his visage itself being a shock- you barely reach his hips. He either doesn't seem to notice or care, looking down on you with a gentle smile. Your chest feel tight enough to halt your breathing, something about him is so greatly and unfathomably inhuman.

"You leave your mind so unguarded. It was so easy to find you."

He kneels, taking your chin in his massive hand and turning your face to look at him. His expression brightens a little bit at the gesture, like learning something new.

"Ahh, you are softer than I could have even guessed. It is so nice to feel your skin in person."

You feel like you know him, you have distant, faded memories of him speaking to you in your dreams for what felt like hours, but yet your face still heats up like you've never met him at all.

"I know your name little one, do you remember mine?"

Magnus.

"Yes, that's it."

You almost jolt a bit. You had only just remembered it, but he seemed to know it like he was still in your head. He smiles happily.

"Why are you here?"

It's such a vague, dumb question, but he seems amused by your stupidity.

"My legion is here to annex your green little planet into the Imperium. I, however, am here for you." He continues. "You are a beautiful little mind that is far too strong for me to just leave here. No one here will appreciate it the way I can."

His thumb brushes across your bottom lip, tugging it slightly.

"Tell me, do you have your things ready?"

Your things?

"Yes, my love. I told you to have them ready for when I came for you. Or were you too distracted coming for me to remember?"

It takes you a moment to realize what he meant, and your face heats up like the flash of a pan. He chuckles, a deep one that rumbles your chest. Why do you feel so shocked by him calling you his love, but also have a sense of familiarity to it?

"It's ok, we have time. My sons are still making sure your world complies with our demands."

You feel scared; You feel like you're standing on the edge of a cliff, but also, excited. You feel like you don't know him at all, but you feel a pull like a collapsing star that brings you closer to him.

"Can... Can I bring my books?"

Magnus laughs, moving to use both massive hands to cradle your jaw. Your head is almost lost in their size, but the gesture is gentle and fond.

"Of course, my love," He says, smiling. He chuckles shortly thereafter.

"Oh, you are going to love Tizca."

[marilynthornhilllover]

Can you please write rough smut for grey hair Emily Prentiss that’s just… total shameless filth😭 like choking, breeding kinks, semi public sex (in her office)

I could eat that girl for lunch

Emily prentiss x Fem!reader

Warning: smut 18+, breeding kink, semi public sex, breast kink, spitting kink, choking kink, praise kink, mommy kink, one slap, slight cunniligus, fingering, slight strap fucking, etc.

A/N: oh I lost it with this one🤭enjoy sorry it took so long 😭

You knew it was wrong to think of your boss Emily in such a way.... but God damn it. You just couldn't control yourself anymore. I mean come on she's the Emily prentiss, Unit Chief of the BAU, who wouldn't be obsessed with her, sorry in love with her. She was insufferable, almost irresistible like a drug. The way she would bite her lips when ever she laughed or was focused on something very important.

Or The way she held her hands in her pockets and stood against door frames or leaned against desks. The way her hips would sway whenever she struts down the hallway towards her office and finally, the way she looks at you. The way this woman would look at you was everything. Her eyes, they were always glued to you when you were busy doing your work. She thought you didn’t notice her but gaze detection is a real thing that works.

Emily would stare at you as if she wanted to devour you. And it always made you weak. It made your skin get heated and your mind go dizzy. You couldn’t focus when her eyes were on you, it was as if every cell in you wanted to explde. The time you wore a strapless shirt to work because it was too hot out, and for the entire day she couldn't find the decency to stop her eyes from roaming over your collarbone and shoulders, and the other time you wore a mini skirt and a top that had a zip in the middle that was pulled down just enough to see your cleavage. She went nuts.

Emily knew of your angel face, but she didn’t let that fool her. She knew you had dirty thoughts of her, you even went as far as making a dirty jokes about her. One time she overheard Jennifer asking you if you were to fuck anyone in the office who would you fuck and you had chosen 'Emily'.

You always had a thing for older women, and everyone in the office knew, so maybe it’s obvious that you had quite a massive crush on your boss as well. You heard rumors of Emily being “ talented” with her tongue and “skilled” with her fingers. You did have the privilege to meet one of Emily’s ex-girlfriends at a seasonal greeting event, and by her words “ Emily almost took her out of the world”.

You did try to do your work as best as possible and tried your very hardest to keep out of her way. And for some time it had seemed to work. Emily caught onto the drift and sensed that you were giving her the cold shoulder and the both of you stuck to strictly business and work professional procedures and encounters. But none of this stopped Emily from winking at you from time to time and even going as far as moving you aside by your waist using her hands when you were both in the kitchen getting lunch at the office.

Her hands in your waist sent electric shocks throughout your body, and each time she gave you a sly smirk. You did try to ignore her most of the time. And for a while it lasted.

So tonight you don’t know what possessed you to sneak into Emily’s office. There was a big case that was on the table and it required all hands on deck. You had decided to stay back and help Emily crack some codes but after half an hour in she left. It was pretty late, around 10:38 PM and you were exhausted. Your eyes flicked up to inspect your surroundings because sometimes people break into police departments to steal evidence.

That’s when you saw her that her office light was on and had decided to go turn it off and then after you would finish pack up and then leave . It wasn’t the first time being in her office, but it was the first time alone, by yourself….. with just her stuff. Her jacket was thrown on the back of her chair and a couple of her personal belongings sprawled out on her desk. You had already checked for cameras and any audio devices, there were none. So you took off your pants and panties, shirt and bra leaving yourself completely naked in your boss office.

Absolutely downright crazy, bat shit crazy. You sit in her chair and gently began fingering yourself at a slow pace, but quickly increased it as you became more desperate and needy. Your eyes were tightly shut closed, as your hand worked it’s magic down between your legs. All that can be heard was the wet sounds your cunt was making when you thrusted your fingers in your pussy, your weak hoasty moans and your loud and elaborate breathing as you neared your peak.

Your orgasm washed over you almost knocking you out of the chair and onto the floor causing you to topple over yourself . Your eyes hastily as you swallowed thickly and bit your lips.

“ well” a voice says, half disappointed half surprised. Your eyes snap up towards the entrance of the office to see Emily standing there. Her expression was unreadable. You felt all the blood drain from your face as your entire body freezes with both fear and shame. Emily smirked at you before she took a step into the room, closing and locking the door behind her ( you forgot to close the door?!) . She took slow strides towards the table as she pushed her hands into her pocket.

“ you know I really thought you were just a shy little good girl who knew her worth and knew how to ask for things…. But I guess I was totally wrong wasn’t I?” She asked, carefully walking around the desk, she stopped and stood in a position where she was pressing all her weight on one foot as she titled her head, inspecting you. She chuckled silently and further approached you.

“ could have fooled me babe” she says plainly, she then grabs you by your jaw and forces your face upwards to look at her. Still you remain frozen. A part of you couldn’t believe you had gotten into this situation and another part wanted to curl up into a ball and completely disappear for all eternity, never to be seen again.

“ look at you, I stood there for over 20 minutes, all in which you did nothing but fuck yourself senseless to the thought of me, don’t you see it now y/n your my slut” she says, purring the last two words, that may have reheated something in you because you need her all over again.

“ uh oh, what’s wrong? Cat got your tongue? Or did you lose your voice after screaming my name so loud? Oh Emily , fuck yes Emily, fuck me Emily” she mocked you and that’s when a realization of being naked hits you. You were completely bare before this woman. In her own office. Such a shame.

Emily’s eyebrow quirked in amusement as she looked at you shy away from her and look everywhere but into her dark eyes. She took the opportunity to look at your body intensely. With a silent hum her eyes wondered down your chest, stoping to look at your breast and how perked your nipples were. She then moved further down your body and her eyes landed on your vagina, from the way you were sitting she couldn’t see much but just the thought of fucking it got her going.

In one swift moment Emily grabbed you by your waist and tossed you onto the desk. You whined at the sudden action and prompted yourself up onto your elbows to remove some objects from behind of your back before you proceeded to lay down. Your legs opened up involuntarily which caused Emily to smirk as she stood between them causing them to spread even wider. Regardless of your previous orgasm you were already so desperate for this woman’s touch.

Emily took off her jacket and soon everything else went with it. She was bare in just her pants alone. You wanted her to remove it but you were too mesmerized by her stern breast to give a shit. Her pants were high waisted but allowed you to see her toned abs a little. God you wanted her so badly. Your shaking hands made their way up to her skin and you gently placed your hand on her abs admiring them, god she must work out real good. For a moment you thought that you were lost in heaven until you felt her remove your hand.

“Getting touchy now are we? That’s slutty behavior” she laughed, she loved teasing you and seeing you squirm beneath her. This wasn’t the first time Emily had you under this choke hold. There were many other times where she was able to get under you skin….. but those are stories for another time. She leaned down and hovered her lips over your mouth, contemplating if she should give into you or let you go crazy over her some more. Even though Emily could see the pleading look in your eyes she knew better than to give the devil what she wanted.

Emily chuckled as she removed a strand of hair from your already sweaty forehead to behind your ear. Her hand stayed there, behind your neck, for a while her grasp tightening every few seconds which caused you to release a quiet moan from your throat. Emily looked down at you in deep thought before her eyes flicked down to your lips. Her thump caressed your jaw for a little while before she spoke.

“ open your mouth” her request definitely caught you off guard but the way she said it made your thighs clench but you remember that she was laying between them, making it hard to do so. You looked up at her confused as your breathing got shallow. You gulped and did as she asked. For a while she did nothing but then she opened her mouth and slowly poured her saliva into your mouth.

You were a little disgusted because back in high school you were always the one to say that you’d never allow anyone to do this to you but things have changed, it’s Emily fucking prentiss. Sorry. It’s mommy. And something about this just turned you on more because you could feel the slick that was pooling between your thighs from your pussy. Emily stopped and watched you close your mouth. She gave you a look and you knew what she was asking without words. You swallowed. She then started kissing you. It was rough but slow at the same time, she made you feel as though you had all the time in the world.

She broke the kiss before you even had a chance to deepen it as she moved down to your breast. She left pecks all across your chest, small sucks and bites that will most definitely leave marks later on, not that you care. She continued her assault until she moved down to your nipple. She swirled her tongue around the small bud first before she looked up at you with mischievous eyes before then enveloped the entire bud into her mouth. Your head fell back and you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to just feel. She abused the small bud by gently biting it and sucking on it like a baby enjoying your moans.

Her hand fondled with the other neglected breast as the other made it’s s way down to your pussy, Emily knew you weren’t paying attention to her works so without notice she carefully pulled your lace pink panties to the side and inserted two fingers at the same time without warning. Your back arched as your eyes rolled back. Your hands immediately flew to the edge of the table for support. Emily smirked and released your nipple with a ‘ pop ’ sound as saliva made a bridge from her mouth to the bud to which she broke by licking her lips.

“ that’s it baby, just like that? You like when mommy gives you what you want without you having to ask her?” You couldn’t even respond to her, your mind was clouded with her insufferable praises, perfume and god did her fingers do a number on you. Everytime her digits slid out of you and back in her lips twitched. The sound of your cunt squelching against her fingers and your petty moans and grunts as your body began to spams made Emily want to do more despicable things to you until you couldn’t walk.

“ fuck so good, this is squeezing my fingers so fucking good baby, I wish I had a fucking real cock to split you open with, get you pregnant with my babies, you’d like that huh?” She whispered, increasing her pace as she curled her fingers deeper into you cunt, touching your g-spot every few seconds as she buried her fingers knuckle deep into you. You could feel your skin heat up as a familiar feeling of pleasure built up within your lower abdomen. Your hips bucked up towards every thrust of her fingers as your hand grabbed her wrist to slow her actions, you wanted to last longer to prove to her that you weren’t just some cum hungry slut. But that would be pointless because you are just a cum hungry slut.

But with her praises and her fingers moving at the speed of light it was truly impossible. You tried to pull it off a little longer but you couldn’t.

“ I feel you clenching me so tight baby, let it go for mommy, I wanna feel you drench my fingers so bad baby” she purred in your ear, her breath hot against your skin, and with that sentence you came for her. You eyes rolled back and you could feel your juices pouring out of you and onto her fingers. Emily kept fucking you drawling out every whimper, twitch and cry that you had to give. You were completely dumbstruck and spiraling.

You felt as she withdrew herself from between your legs as the sound of her jeans being removed. You stayed there trying to catch your breath. You looked down to Emily and that’s when you see her pulling off her pants completely, a strap around her waist. It was a clear light purple with small glitter pieces in it and it was huge. Without even realizing you tried to back away from her but Emily was two steps ahead, catching onto what your intentions were she pulled you back down by your ankles and forced your legs apart.

Emily placed her hands under your knees and pushed them up above your chest. You’ve never seen any strap that big or long and you anticipated how well she’d fuck you with it for your first time. It was as if you became a virgin again.

“ why are you running now darling? You wanted mommy to fuck you so badly when you were in here all by yourself. Your gonna take it like a good girl now” her tone was so dark and seductive it made your skin crawl and your insides burn with desire.

She pinned your hands above your head and slowly sank the tip of her cock into you forcing a moan out of you. Your eyes slammed shut as you tried to focus on the stretch, the way she made the pain and the pleasure mix so good. She let loose of your hands and gently started choking you. The deeper she buried herself within you the more your eyes would roll back and your legs would quiver. You desperate pleas of moans and cries filled the room as Emily started thrusting into you with full force. Deep and fast the tip bruising your sweet spot every time.

Emily angled her hips ever so slightly, just enough to push her cock up against your cervix. Gently at first, but when she heard the mewl that escaped your mouth at her action and the way your body convulsed it became rougher each time. You trembled as she kept thrusting into you.

“ oh— oh GOD— Emily please, fuck I can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE” you cried but it fell on death ears. You tried to close your thighs to eliminate how well her cock drives into you but Emily’s grip on your neck made you mind mush. Continuing your attempt you tried to move away from her but that resulted in you getting a hard smack across your face as she choked you much rougher. Her nails digged into the flesh out your waist as she started pounding your pussy brutally whispering insults that you couldn’t quite hear due to your moans and the sound of her thighs connecting with your slick.

“ fuck that’s it, right there? Mhm? Right fucking there” she cooed as she pushed your legs further apart and circled her hips as she made her thrust more curved. Your body began to tremble and Emily chuckled as she looked down at the white circle ring around her cock. She felt as your body tensed up and you let out a pornographic moan of her name. She kept thrusting after you came until you whined and pushed her away with a hand on her abs. She pulled out and kneeled down eye level with your cunt.

She cleaned up the mess with her tongue. Cautiously sucking and pulling at your clit until you pushed her head away. She smiled at her work and at herself and looked up at you. Your chest raised and fall with every breath you took and your thighs were still shivering. She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead before whispering.

“ round two? We’ve got all night and I’m sure i recall you saying your flexible….”

[cluelessatthispoint]

Dragon's Hoard pt. 6

Warnings: mentions of force feeding, possible cannibalism, kidnapping mention, and hybrids not knowing to to parent a human child properly.

~enjoy~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grumbling from your place under Price's thick arm. The none to suble rocking motion of his gait has you swinging from one side to the other. Despite walking as slow as he can without causing you much injury, he is massive compared to the average human male. A soft pout makes it to your features as the allure of being carried under a large arm, like a sack of potatoes looses its allure. Looking down nit too far you can see your feet dangling as he carries you with his muscular forearm around your middle. If you had any food in your stomach there's no doubt in your mind that you would have been throwing up your stomach contents.

"Let me down...hey! Let me down." You're tone is almost breathy with the way you feel your lungs being squished.

Kicking weakly for good measure, the dragon huff. His massive chest heaving out a lumbering sigh as if you were a toddler throwing yet another tantrum. With a slow swing of his tail, he wraps the end around your feet as he slowly sets you down. Gathering courage, you set him with the nastiest glare you can muster. In return all you get is a deep, rumbling purr.

"Cute, kid. Real cute."

The hand that comes your way nearly hits the side of your head with the way you flinch back. Price however ignores your action as he seems unbothered and used to such things. Placing his hand on your head and ruffling your tangled locks, he smirks as if pleased with himself.

"Tiny thing you are, well. Don't worry your lil head poppet. I hunt you a nice boar-"

"A boar?!"

The alarm and surprise in the tone of your voice makes the crows feet at the edges of his eyes crinkle into view. It almost makes him look more human. With the flare of his one wing, your surprise diminishes. Of course he would hunt you something to eat. A dragon has dragon instincts after all.

"Yeah, a boar. Unless you want a bear instead. Now I haven't had bear in a long time kiddo. Boar and bear are both quite tasty."

Despite his warm tone of voice, the tail around your legs that's keeping you in place seems to grow only the barest hint tighter. Swallowing up the whine in your throat, you cast a weary glance down. As if asking without verbalizing, if he intends to relinquish the hold of your legs now. The notion of running away would be ludicrous. If there was only one hybrid in the cave, then the idea of running away wouldn't be too outlandish. But with four hybrids total? It's impossible. Even with this thought in mind, Price seems bound and determined to keep track of you and your whereabouts one way or another. Too busy in your musings to notice, it doesn't come to your attention that he moved his tail up to your wrist. The very end of it wrapping around your tiny wrist, as if holding hands. Gently tugging you along, you follow Price deeper into the cave as he asses and checks the food supply. The darkness only grows, and the echoing of two sets of footsteps dance across the cave walls. The stalagmites glitter prettily off to the sides, as if the space in the middle were cleared out, no doubt by the dragon hybrid himself.

"What's bear taste like?"

It's almost strange to hear how your voice echoes faintly off the walls.

You can hear in the tone of his voice how Price is smiling as he speaks. The darkness doesn't seem to bother him as his eyes pierce through the inky black with relative ease.

"Ah, bear..let's see...depends on how you like it. Gaz like his bear as a jerky. It takes a while to make, but it's the best food he makes. Soap like his bear fresh as they come, almost as good as a shephar-..sheep. Yeah, almost as good as sheep."

The way Price stumbles over his words make you furrow your tiny brows, but other than that you say nothing. Your mind races. 'Sheep, Bear, Boar, what haven't these monsters eaten?' As if sensing that you were dangerously close to connecting the dots, Price shakes your arm lightly with his tail.

"Hey now kiddo, think any harder and your face will get stuck like that."

Prices words cut off your train of thought. Suddenly the muffled voices of the others waft from the nest. They sound like they're having a good conversation, but specifics are hard to make out due to the echo and the distance. Their amalgamation of voices sound so strange when mixed together. Their accents blending wonderfully to create a concophany of vowels and consonants that sound so human, and yet so uncanny. Squeezing onto Price's tail a bit tighter in return, the feeling of hot, scaled skin and its rough texture serve to soothe and ground your mounting anxiety. From above, the low tone of the Dragon's drawl clues you back in on your purpose here, so far away from the others and your controversial opinions of the safety of the warm nest. 'At least it was bright in there' You think ruefully to yourself.

"Now then, I think we have enough meat stored here. No need to go hunting." Comes the crooning voice of the dragon hybrid as he scoop you up once more. Placing ypu held firmly in his arms, the sudden swaying motion of him taking a seat has you clinging to his broad shoulders for deer life. In the dark, everything feels such more potent. The sounds as soft as some are, almost feel deafening.

"Open up treasure, try some boar." The feeling of cold, salted meat against your lips beckons a half shriek of alarm from your throat.

Within that split second of opening your mouth, a small morsel of said meat is ushered inside with little to no tact. The result, is a mighty grimace of distaste coloring your youthful features. Turning your head away, you find some room to spit up whatever parts came loose withing your maw. The taste of unflavored, too salty meat is pungent to your senses.

"Ugh! Ack-ah...it's gross! I don't like it!" With your cry, Price only holds on tighter.

"Easy now hatchling, it's good. It's good for you. It'll help you grow big and strong." His words sound like a bitter balm as he gently turns your face back and presses a large scaled finger to each side of your jaw. The pressure on your temperal mandibular joint coaxes your mouth open with such ease that it has you seeing red. The choked off noises of insult and anger seem to spur him on. His tone is chiding as if scolding a child much younger than you.

"Ah, ah, ah, don't give me that. The sooner we feed you, the better you'll feel. I promise."

A stray thought briefly crosses your mind. 'Eating in the dark? Why? What am I eating? Isn't boar supposed to be gamey or tough? This meat is soft- even salted and dried.' Closing your eyes, you eat reluctantly. Morsel after morsel, mouthful after mouthful. Price feeds you with a firm, but gentle hand. After each morsel is swallowed down his praise, as unwanted as it is, fills you with pride. As if all the times of missing out on what other children have with their parents is now coming back to you. 'Better late than never' the voice in the back of your mind chimes in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here we are my friends! Chapter 6! I'm so sorry about the delay. And soon I'm going to have the master list up and running. No more searching and scrolling, I promise!

[candiiee]

ᴄʀᴜꜱʜ ✧.* part 2 here

summary: Izuku as your hallyway crush!!

warnings: none!

an: this takes place in middle school

How on earth could someone be this cute??? Like look at him! With his fluffy green hair and pretty doe eyes and freckles, Izuku Midoriya was your hallway crush.

Though one thing you didn't understand was why was he shunned? You had heard he was quirkless, but still. He had the cutest face ever, how could they not like him?? You kept your crush to yourself though. No need to get bullied. But that didn't mean you couldn't woo and endlessly pin for him.

Izuku always had the weird sense he was being watched. That was really weird, right? Who would want to watch him? He knew there were some people who deserved to be watched, like Kachan! With his strong quirk, and good looks. Izuku had no quirk, and zero good looks. So there was no way anyone watched him. With these thoughts circulating, he opened his locker, and was surprised to see a piece of paper, with a little heart drawn onto it, and a simple message.

you're really pretty. <3

It made a brilliant blush spread onto his freckled cheeks, this was a prank, right? No way a girl or guy, or anyone, could think he was pretty! It was impossible! He frantically glanced around the almost empty hallway, waiting for Kachan and his friends to jump out of a closet, filming him.

When that didn't happen, still a little wary, Izuku put the note into his pocket, the blush starting to fade. Well, if it wasn't a prank, it didn't hurt to keep it, right?

You watched him frantically glance around the empty hall, probably wondering who had left the note. You stifled a little squeal, glad to be able to make him blush. Honestly, it just made him even prettier. This was a pretty bold move, coming from you, but you wanted to! He should know he was pretty! He just made you want to squish his face, and make him blush even more!

Maybe some chocolates would do the trick? People liked that, right? Maybe you could ask him? The idea made you flush, how could someone even casually ask that? "Hey, what's your favorite chocolate?" That really sounded stupid. You didn't want him to think you were stupid. That'd be mortifying.

You paused, maybe some simple chocolate kisses could work? You mulled it over, finally deciding to do just that.

How.. did chocolate kisses get into his locker? There was no way someone could slip them into the tiny slot at the top. Unless.. they had a quirk? Maybe a teleportation one, capable of transporting small objects? Perhaps one that could change the properties of an object, making it small enough to get it through the slot? The possibilities were endless!

He started to mutter, or maybe they were creepy and knew his locker code? He flushed, if they knew his code, that meant that they paid attention to him as he opened his locker, and memorized his code! If they did, that was a little creepy, but the thought that they paid extra attention, made him a little giddy. He shook his head, don't be stupid! There was no way someone paid that much attention.

He noticed the note, skimming over it. It made his face explode, his face heating up.

here's some chocolates kisses cutey! <3

ps. I wouldn't mind giving you some real ones! <33

He made a few squeaking sounds, wondering if what he was reading was real. This was a trick, right? No one on their right mind would want to..kiss him, right? The idea was impossible!

You watched him, feeling ever so pleased with yourself. That note might have been a bit much, considering how red he looked. You watched him for a few more seconds, as the flush slowly faded. Which was a shame, honestly.

You wondered how long it would take till he figured it out. From what you saw, he was incredibly smart. Another reason why you liked him. Very rarely was someone good looking and had the intelligence. Plus he never called attention to himself. Though for some reason the teachers were happy to give him the spotlight when he clearly didn’t want it.

Another note.

you know, it’s really cool how much you know about heroes. <3

Izuku read the words, wondering as usual, if this was supposed to be a prank. It was well known how much he liked pro heroes. But it was considered creepy how well he knew them. Villainous even. He knew their weaknesses, their strengths, everything. But his secret admirer, if he could even call them that, thought that everything he knew about heroes was cool.

So this mystery person, thought he was pretty, and liked how much he knew about heroes. If such a person existed, he’d like to meet them. And make sure that this wasn’t a prank.

[biancasaidstfu]

As with most things in life, I suspect the truth is somewhere in the middle. I know there’s a lot going on behind the scenes, but I really don’t care or want to know about any of that. I’m curious and sat here a year later because of the information they themselves have put out into the world.

I always loved them as Colin and Pen and Clare, but like most of us just thought they seemed like great people with insane chemistry in their real-life interactions. But as each day goes by, I unfortunately start to lose some of that original admiration and respect. I fear that they’ve painted themselves so far into a corner that they are looking rather disingenuous no matter the truth. They feed us hints that only we would know and then immediately land a left hook. 

The main reason I’m still interested at all in Lukola is I’m astounded daily at the dumb decisions being made and presented to the public. Sure some of it comes from other “sources” but it always feels coordinated to some extent. Yes, it keeps a small portion of us in this little corner talking but at what expense? I mean they are being made to look foolish whether it’s self-inflicted or on “advice” from PR reps. And I hate that I’m constantly cringing on their behalf. As a fan, I want better for them.

Yesterday for me was different, though. So we get fed the usual breadcrumb story post that life is sweet with a “mystery man.” There’s only one that I know of who happens to love both coffee and cake (literally Tiramisu) and is always cut out of photos. Sure it could be the “other one”, but in my opinion it was intended to indicate our favorite. 

Yes, we’ve been trolled A LOT but I just don’t think this was the intent for once. I mean we did know the left hook was coming and of course my stomach dropped seeing the photo yesterday. I just can’t imagine they would want that kind of image out there after the hell of last summer. It just doesn’t make sense to me in light of the the recent INSTA professional clean-up. Unless they knew it was coming and weren’t happy about it. That photo wasn’t professional or fun in any way, shape or form and definitely not giving James Bond vibes. 

Anyway, this is just a long-winded way of saying that yes it’s very possible to still be a fan but also criticize choices being made no matter the actual intention. I know there’s a lot we don’t know about certain people also involved but our favorite couple aren’t victims either. They agreed to this to some extent. As of right now, none of this is believable to those of us who have lived life and have a functioning brain. 

It’s just a watch and see what’s next type of thing now. Thanks for your thoughts anon 💙

[lylacynth13]

Sooooo insane about leoniigo and how they connect and contrast with each other

Leo/need’s story starts with them together, their very beginning being them under the stars and promising to stick together. I’ve mentioned this in a different post but to Leo/need distance is something that will be overcome no matter what. They’ve been split apart before and come out of it more connected, so there’s always a reassurance that no matter the distance they will always be Leo/need.

Nightcord on the other hand starts separate. It starts with Kanade’s music and eventually attracts Mafuyu Ena and Mizuki, leading to the formation of niigo. But even after they form they still remain distant. They’re separated both by physical distance and their digital screens. They eventually meet in real life but it’s under strenuous circumstances and the period afterwards is still awkward. Despite having worked together for so long none of them really know how to connect. In this sense Nightcord and Leoneed serve as foils of each other.

There’s also each character’s issues. Leoneed tends to focus on character arcs that hold some sort of significance to the group as a whole (Shiho and STANDOUT, Honami embracing leadership etc.) while Nightcord tends to focus on character arcs that are more specific to the individual character (Kanade and her memories, Ena and her art)

There’s also the way different members parallel each other. Ichika and Kanade, aside from the obvious connection of being unit leaders, have a very special relationship with music. It connects them to their loved ones and keeps the group together. Also there was a Kanade bday 4koma that reveals Kanade sees her younger self in Ichika (side note that means so much to me like that hurts aughhh)

Honami and Mafuyu I feel like have stronger parallels. A lot of their struggles center around wanting to make others happy, often at the cost of their own happiness. I also believe they’re the more level headed members of their respective groups

Shiho and Ena is a little more difficult to see the lines between but the connection is still there. Both are known for speaking their minds while holding back as little as possible, coming off as rude at times. There’s also their undeniable drive for what their respective interests. Shiho’s passion for music is what pushes her to play even when others don’t feel as strongly, and Ena’s passion for art encourages her to learn and improve even when others try to discourage her.

Saki and Mizuki have both been through periods of severe loneliness. They both understand the struggles of isolation and hope to not return to this period of their life. They’re also the more energetic members of their groups.

For both groups middle school was quite possibly the worst time of their lives. Leoneed suffered from their division but the option to stay together was there, it was just the circumstances around them that made them feel that wasn’t the case. Nightcord didn’t quite have that same option. They started distant so keeping their suffering separate from the others was the default. There was no longing for togetherness since they didn’t have the same closeness leoneed did.

[lemotmo]

People take a breath

Q. The secrecy about that episode was weird considering the episode. No need for the secrecy. We learned absolutely nothing.

A. I don't think it was intentional secrecy. I genuinely think they just didn't complete the episode until the last possible minute. It happens. And we learned plenty. What are you talking about? Nevermind, I know what you're talking about so let me explain very clearly to you what we learned tonight. We are 5 episodes into the B half of the season and Buck and Eddie have been the consistent B plot in all 5 episodes so far. Eddie and Christopher were the B plot in both episodes 12 and 13 but the Buck and Eddie storyline was the B plot of the B plot, if that makes sense. In both episodes they were paralleled alongside the canon married couples. That was not an accident. They were treated equal to the established couples. In episode 13 they were shown on the same level as Chimney and Maddie, Buck's support for Eddie was paralleled each time Chimney had a scene of support with Maddie. In episode 13 we had 2 more FaceTime calls and each call again showed Buck being Eddie's voice of reason and calm. But episode 13 went even further. The actual married couples each had a partner that complained about their partner not reminding them about Hen's birthday. They gave Buck the exact same complaint- "Eddie, why didn't you remind me?" Again none of this was accidental. It is intentional.

Listen this was never going to happen in one fucking episode. It is happening within a process that you all don't have the patience for, and that's not my fault. They're not being sneaky. They're not making it hard to follow. They are following a very typical will they/won't they pattern. They were always going to have to fix Eddie and Christopher first, and now they have. But it doesn't matter what I or anyone else says to you. If you don't have the patience to actually let the story unfold, I can't help you. There is zero reason to be upset, annoyed or dooming. If you feel the need to do that, go elsewhere. Also we learned Eddie was a fucking ballroom dancer until he was 14. They're dropping more lore for him. They're telling an actual story. A story that they shouldn't and aren't rushing through. I'm going to say one thing and I don't mean it in a bad or judgemental way. But the truth is that many of you have taken every single storyline that Buck or Eddie have had individually over the last 7 years and made it a Buddie storyline when that's not what it was. This is the first time the show is actually telling a Buck and Eddie story full stop. That means that the storyline we are currently watching started at the beginning and we are only in the middle. None of this is complicated to follow.

Thank you Nonny.

Look, Buddie has had storylines before, but they were always an afterthought. There was no real intent behind it, because FOX had axed any potential romantic Buddie plot.

And yeah we did get some bangers in season 3 and 4, but in the end it never led anywhere because of FOX.

This time they are putting these two together in storylines with intent. The intent to make them even closer than they already were and to force them to face the truth that their friendship has grown into something bigger and better.

This is what a good slow burn is all about.

We have gotten some really great juicy scenes and actual storylines between them the last couple of episodes and everyone has felt the shift in the air. It started with season 7 and it has gradually been amped up in 8a. Now, in 8b, they are going full out. It is being made obvious that these two are just like Madney and Henren. They come in a pair and no one will ever be able to 'compete'. 🤷‍♀️

So yeah, I am thoroughly enjoying the Buddie slow burn we are getting. I'm having a blast! I cannot wait to see them amping it up even more. 😏🙂‍↕️

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[always-andromeda]

₊⊹⁀➴ 𝑺𝑭𝑾 𝑨𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒕

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | Benson x F!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧�� | 4,107

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 | Soooo...uhhh...I've been into Kyle Gallner for a while now...and I've been very into him as Benson in The Passenger specifically. So this is me sort of warming up to write him in some actual fics. Forgive me if my characterization is off at all. I haven't seen The Passenger in almost a year so I'm basing some analysis on my terrible memory lol. Anyhoo. I actually enjoyed prattling this one out!! I tend to get a little longwinded and let myself write a bit more casually with these. I like having fun with alphabets. So I hope this is enjoyed by the handful of Kyle fans on here lol. Credit for all dividers goes to @strangergraphics!!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | no smut (regardless, I am not comfortable with minors interacting with my blog, period), bits of fluff and angst, elements of toxicity, allusions to Benson's neglectful childhood and possible SA, doesn't follow the canon of the film, nothing else I can think of!!

A = Affectionate (How affectionate are they?)

Benson’s generally pretty minimal on touchy-feely stuff. He thinks public displays of it are especially tacky. However, he will use it to his advantage if he can. If he’s trying to convince you of something he’ll get real close and cup your cheek or the back of your neck. More disarming than the physical aspect is his penchant for intense eye contact. His eyes themselves are just so expressive, you come to learn exactly what each one of his little looks mean and can read him better than pretty much anyone.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How does the friendship start?)

For a long while you’d sort of think he hates you. He’s on the quiet side. And not a shy sort of quiet. It’s a say the wrong word to him and you’ll regret it sort of quiet. You’d be walking on eggshells around him until he makes first contact. Maybe one day he’ll catch you doing some activity you enjoy on your lunch break. He’ll make you jump out of your skin when he says, “Didn’t peg you as that kind of girl.” And before you can even ask what kind of girl did you peg me as? he’s already walked off.

Had you ever even heard his voice before that moment? You can’t even fucking remember. But you’re kind of surprised his first words to you aren’t also the last.

Both in the sense that he just emanates that “could snap at any moment” energy but also in the sense that he just keeps randomly projecting himself into your life. He makes more little comments, watches you in a way that makes your skin crawl, yet he actually sees you.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How do they cuddle?)

Only in the middle of the night and sometimes mornings. At the end of a long day, he wants his personal space. But don’t be surprised if you wake up in the middle of the night with his arm slung around you and his face buried in your neck as he snores softly. He’ll hold you so firmly; in his eyes it’s something close to possession.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Honestly, Benson’s sort of surprised to have lived as long as he has. Never in his wildest dreams could he imagine being with someone who he could tolerate and who could tolerate him in return.

So domesticity and everything it entails is completely lost on him. So many single men live like absolute creatures and Benson is on a similar level. I mean, he can clean decently enough. Hell, cleaning is part of his job. So he prefers keeping his space clean. Cleanliness isn’t an issue with him as much as disorganization and discordance is?

He has like three plates in his cupboard. None of them match. And one of them has a massive crack down the middle of it so he doesn’t use it. He has one (1) mug for coffee in the morning. And that’s the one (1) dish he doesn’t ever clean because he heavily believes that all his years of using it has “seasoned” it. Can’t really cook for shit. He can feed himself adequately enough but he still doesn’t eat very well. He sort of uses it as an excuse to find all of the cheap, hidden gem restaurants and food trucks in town. This man will get himself a burrito at some food truck and bada bing, bada boom, that’s dinner and then breakfast in the morning!! What a resourceful guy!!

E = Ending (If they had to break up with you, how would they do it?)

No matter how fucked up this guy is, I don’t think he ever would. If he loves you, he’s there for fucking life. But for argument’s sake, I firmly believe he’d be a break up in person type of guy. Even then, I still think he’d be somewhat flippant about it. He can’t bring himself to be the asshole who throws out the cliché it’s not you, it’s me routine even though that’d 100% be his reasoning for doing it in the first place.

He’d very bluntly tell you, “This isn’t working out. It’d be better if we went our separate ways.” That’s the most he’ll give you. No explanations. No opportunities to work things out. Absolutely nothing. If he doesn’t think he can be good for you, then he’ll banish himself. And since you only deserve good things, in his mind it’s incredibly simple. Probably traumatizing or at the very least moderately upsetting for you to go through and that part especially kills him. But it’s for the better. So even though it’d break his heart too, he’d deal with it.

F = Fiancé (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Loyalty and commitment? He fucks hard with those sentiments. Marriage, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter. He definitely has a I don’t need the government to say it’s cool we’re together sort of mindset about the whole thing. All the formality is jack shit to him.

If you absolutely have to get married someday, he’ll settle for a small courthouse shindig and even that would be pushing it. A big wedding is the one thing he’d vehemently and guiltlessly deny you. Just the thought of all the fake family members showing up for a photo op, the relentless judgement, the pageantry, and the money wasted that could’ve gone into getting a more comfortable place for you and him? It all makes him seethe.

All he needs is you. He doesn’t need witnesses or approval from anyone. Only you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, physically and emotionally?)

He fluctuates pretty wildly between tenderness and severity. Some moments he’s cold, quiet, and can't handle being touched. Other times he’s your gentle guy, laying his head on your lap after a long day just to flush out the frustration from his system.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often would they hug you? What are their hugs like?)

Not the biggest hugger in the world? And he definitely doesn’t consider himself to be the kind of guy who wants or needs them either. I think he’s just so touch starved that he doesn’t even recognize how truly starved he is. If you’re more inclined to expressing your love through physical affection, it takes a while for him to get used to it. Slowly but surely he’ll become your stubborn black cat that cuddles up with you as if this is just part of the job description as your boyfriend. But you best believe if you disentangle yourself before he’s ready to let go, he’s pulling you right back against his chest.

I = I love you (Who is the first to say, "I love you"?)

You would absolutely have to be the first to say it. Because he just wouldn’t see the importance in stating it outright. In his mind, words don’t impact anything. He knows how he feels. And he tries as best as he can to show it. If you need to be told it, he must be fucking things up. Verbal communication isn’t his strong suit in that way.

So when you first say it, he’s almost startled. There’s a small voice in him that immediately wonders what did I do wrong? Are you breaking up with me? Because why else would you look at him like that? Why does he suddenly feel like a dog being fed chocolate because they’re being euthanized the next day? He doesn’t really understand that sometimes words do matter and just hearing them aloud can be reassuring.

A lot of the time he’ll return you saying it with a gruff, “Love you too,” before pushing the anxiety from his mind as quickly as he can.

J = Jealousy (How jealous are they?)

Benson’s jealousy is uhhhh…borderline lethal? Granted, that anger isn’t directed at you. And he knows you wouldn’t fuck around on him. But even when he’s getting up in the face of some other guy and telling him that you’ve already got a boyfriend, it can get a little too intense.

For your sake, he tries to keep his fists out of the equation. He’ll still keep a mental note of any guy around you who might be a little too close for his liking. Juuuuust in case.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like?)

Benson kisses the correct way (according to him): deep and slow. There’s no quick, sloppy kisses with him. Just ones that completely steal the air from your lungs and all thoughts from your brain. He’ll typically grasp your chin or cup your jaw while doing so. He also has the tendency to groan into them a little bit which makes it all the worse. When he pulls back for air, he’ll rest his forehead against yours and keep his eyes closed for a few seconds. Even if he’s not intending to go any further, he kisses like he wants to.

L = Little ones (How are they around kids?Do they want any?)

Kids make him a little antsy. Working in the service industry almost his entire life he’s seen droves of shitty parents who let their kids scream and run around the store rubbing their sticky little hands all over everything. It makes his job about a hundred times more difficult.

Say you’ve got younger relatives or children of friends that you bring him around. He’s very reluctant about spending much time around them. They’ll show him their toys or whatever “cool trick” they learned and he’ll just tersely smile at them before saying, “That’s great, kid.”

He’s annoyed by them at first. But if they’re decently behaved, they’ll grow on him. He’ll let your niece practice hair braiding on him (as long as she washes her hands at least twice beforehand). He’ll reluctantly sit in on tea parties even though he thinks it’s kind of silly that he’s being expected to pretend your nieces teddy bears and dolls give a single shit about etiquette. But hey, if it makes you and her happy, fine.

He’ll play action figures with them too. You know how kids will “yes, and…” their way through playing pretend? Benson is fucking brilliant at it. Your little cousin will go, “My guy has laser eyes and he just cut your guys leg off!!” and Benson will go, “Well…my guy is part lizard so his legs grow back.” And he says it with such a “yeah, that’s right, get fucked” sort of tone that you have to roll your eyes at your boyfriend beefing with a child through Minecraft action figures.

Despite all this, I still firmly believe he wouldn’t willingly have kids of his own (unless it was an accident…but that’s a whole different story lmao).

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings can be a little messy. If he’s scheduled for an opening shift, he’s probably out of the door before six. If you don’t have to be awake, he’ll try his best not to wake you. But he’ll softly kiss your head before leaving for the day and telling you he’ll see you when he gets home. He definitely uses his off days to catch up on sleep. That means waking up to him clinging to you like his life depends on it and groaning grouchily if you pull away.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Benson’s first priority at the end of the day is having a nice, long shower. He probably reeks of sweat and oil and his skin just feels disgusting. So he won’t even let you touch him too much when he gets home. He gives you a quick kiss at the most before heading off to the bathroom and washing away the day.

And I’m sorry, but the man isn’t afraid to bitch about his day. Like when he emerges from your shared bedroom with some comfier clothes on, he is venting about something one of his stupid coworkers said or a difficult customer he had to deal with. Whatever semblance of a “customer service attitude” he puts on at work is just GONE.

Once he’s tuckered himself out, he’ll ask how your day went, hoping it was better than his. Aside from the talk, he likes spending evenings catching up on whatever shows you and him watch together or diving into a shitty movie; maybe I’m just projecting (I’m 100% projecting) but he really strikes me as a guy who enjoys laughing at a bad horror movie in order to destress.

O = Open (When do they start revealing things about themself? Is it all at once or bit by bit?)

Benson is very much a mixed bag. When you’re first getting to know him, you wonder where his angst and pessimism comes from. Has he experienced some sort of trauma that’s influenced him in this way or is he just another guy who thinks being a dick is cool? You aren’t sure which one you’d rather it be.

Unfortunately, however, it’s the former. And Benson keeps it extremely close to his chest. For one, he refuses to let you meet his mother for an extremely long time. And when you finally do, he promises himself that that’s the only time you’ll be in the same room as her. After that point he’ll start to tell his story in bits and pieces. He’ll admit that he used to be a pretty happy kid but won’t go much further than that. He’ll explain that his dad left the picture when he was young so he doesn’t remember much of him. He’ll list the string of shitty, nameless boyfriends his mother brought home.

You gather that she wasn’t there for him almost ever. Not even when it mattered the most. You start to understand why he wears such a hard shell. Though there are a lot of things he leaves unspoken, you make it as clear as possible to him that he doesn’t have to be afraid of whatever’s left inside him; that if you can ever lighten the load for him, you would in a heartbeat. He appreciates it, truly. But there are some things he’s not ready to see in the light of day yet.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

You’re probably one of the only people in the world he extends any amount of patience towards. Because most things sort of annoy the shit out of him. And even if you’re trying to annoy him, he probably just finds it sort of silly?

I just have this image in my head where you played a joke on him by signing him up for some random ass mailing list. So now whenever he gets an email for fucking farmersonly dot com or a Michael Jackson fanclub that’s all in Bulgarian, he can’t help but roll his eyes and tell you that you’re so dumb while laughing under his breath. He could never really get truly mad at you unless you were doing something sincerely stupid.

Q = Quizzes (How much do they remember things about you? Do they remember everything in passing or do they forget everything?)

This man remembers fucking everything. Even the smallest, unspoken things end up seared into his mind. Of course there are the mundane things like the way you take your coffee or tea. But then he’ll recall just how much you spent on jeans the last time you went clothes shopping. He’ll remember the exact date you said you got your childhood pet. He has a pretty phenomenal memory but he’ll always brush you off when you point out how crazy his accuracy is.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

It’s the most innocuous moment from before you and Benson really defined your relationship, actually. Back then it was this nebulous connection; not quite a friendship, but definitely not a romantic relationship yet. Instead it was some strange third thing where he found himself wanting to be around you more than most people.

So he invited you to a little get together with some of his friends. They’d meet every once in a while to catch up. They’re old friends; people he trusts. So he asks if you’d like to come with him sometime.

You’re hesitant. For one, you couldn’t fathom him having friends. Then you scold yourself internally for the assumption. Of course he has friends!! And he must consider you something akin to one too if he’s inviting you to go out with them outside of work!! The butterflies are fluttering in your stomach before you even say yes to tagging along.

Perhaps you like Benson. Perhaps you’d like him to like you too. So you try the whole night to make the best impression possible. His friends tease him about bringing a girl along until you clarify that you and him are just friends and Benson agrees. Then both of you try to pretend that that assertion doesn’t sting just a little teeny tiny bit.

But there’s a moment when he’s dropping you off at home when the night ends. You thank him for the invite and say you had a lot of fun as he pulls up to your place. And when you get out, he expects you to be gone. Instead, you walk around his truck and linger at the driver’s side.

Then you say with a tired smile, “See you tomorrow, Benny.”

Benny.

Normally only his mother calls him that. And he fucking hates it when she does. It makes his blood boil and pound in his ears. Makes him want to tear something apart and scream at her for daring to treat him like he’s still a boy. And yes, hearing you say it puts him on edge and his blood starts to simmer. But it stays right there. The nerves in his fingers begin to twitch and he’s fidgety the whole drive back to his place. Like he’s just waiting to hear it again. Waiting to hear your voice call him that sweet little nickname again. Knowing that he’d now forever think that just Benson was so stuffy and ancient sounding.

His favorite memory is the moment he realized he wanted to be your Benny.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Extremely protective. Similar to his jealousy, when Benny goes into protection mode, all bets are off. As far as protecting him goes, he likes to think that he doesn’t need protecting. He’s got all the answers. He can take care of himself.

So, naturally, you often end up protecting him from himself. Which means talking him down from the occasional anxiety spiral before he slips too far down the drain, encouraging him to be a little gentler to himself, and reminding him that he can’t solve every issue with brute force.

Benson tries to protect you from the world, you try to protect him from the big black void that is his anger.

T = Try (How much effort do they put into dates/anniversaries/etc?)

He tries his best, truly he does. He never forgets an anniversary and is as attentive as he can be when you’re together. But sometimes he just doesn’t have the cash to give you everything he wishes he could. The cynical side of him says that the fancy dinners and expensive gifts are all superficial bullshit and that he shouldn’t care that he can’t give everything on a silver platter. The other part of him (the part that’s in looooove <3) so desperately wants to give you everything. He wants to give you a reason to look at him with that soft expression of pride you get sometimes.

To make up for it all, he takes you to all of his favorite spots in town. The back alley food trucks, the hole in the wall bars, the takeout places where everything on the menu is in a language he doesn’t even understand. He shows you the few bright spots in his world and hopes that you’ll see what he does in them.

U = Ugly (What is a bad habit of theirs?)

Aside from the jealousy and overprotectiveness, Benson’s definitely got some bad habits that are a little less cerebral. The worst is probably his smoking. He tries to break the habit a few times, especially when you remark once that his kisses taste like ash. But he ends up getting another pack at the gas station after less than a week of trying. The least awful of his bad habits are how he picks at his skin. I just know this man chews the fuck out of his cuticles, especially if he can’t have a smoke for whatever reason.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s pretty average as far as the care he takes in his appearance. He keeps clean, grooms his facial if it starts to get unruly, and tries to keep his work uniform as spotless as possible (though he’ll never be able to get rid of the stench of beef fat and stale fry oil).

He’s actually got a pretty fun sense of style outside of work. He’s got an exquisite collection of t-shirts with super metal art pieces on them that he takes pride in. And man, we’ve all seen his furry hazelnut yellow cardigan!! The man likes to be comfy!! So I definitely see him as the type to typically lean towards comfort over fashion. Still got some dope ass t-shirts though!!

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’d be reluctant in admitting it to himself; being so dependent on someone is so far out of his wheelhouse. But he’s inclined to believe that he has no clue what he’d do if you weren’t there.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I see him being a big vinyl enjoyer. And a guy with a DVD collection. He’s just a massive physical media snob in general in my eyes. Those are pretty much the only things he has an abundance of and he gets really defensive if you tell him to just stream something lol.

Y = Yuck (What is something they wouldn't like either in a partner or in general?)

Straight up? Asshole behavior. Like if he sees you being mean to a service worker? Or witnesses you being needlessly rude to anyone in general? His opinion immediately sours. Everything he once thought was interesting about you immediately becomes so ugly to him.

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Terrible!! Benny’s sleeping habits are terrible!! Those tired eyes of his aren’t a fashion statement!! They’re a lifestyle, babe!! You don’t get dark circles like that on accident lmao.

He tries to sleep most nights. But there are some where he’s just…awake. He’s getting up just so he can stop staring at the ceiling; just stop thinking about the world and his life and how you fit (or don’t fit) into it all. Then he’s mindlessly turning on the TV but not really watching it before going outside to smoke a cigarette.

He’s taking a long puff of his cigarette when you find him outside. Your eyes are bleary, face a little puffy, and hair a bit of a mess. And you’re freezing standing out in the cold night air with your thin pajamas. Immediately the guilt overwhelms him. Just because he’s fucked, it doesn’t mean you’ve gotta be fucked too.

Even though he says you don’t have to wait up for him, you do anyway. With your arms crossed over your chest and chattering teeth, you wait. Benson doesn’t even finish his smoke. He puts it out and lets you lead him by the hand back to bed. He lets you wrap yourself around him, holding him to you as if you hope it’ll keep him there until the end of time itself. He breathes deeply and gradually melts into your embrace as your body warms back up.

Floating somewhere between reality and dreamland, you manage to mumble, “Love ya, Benny. Night.”

Amongst all that trauma and guilt and the overwhelming desire to take care of you always, he can occasionally admit that it’s a little nice to be taken care of too; to be seen.

Just because he’s fucked now, it doesn’t mean he’s gotta be fucked forever.

[mymoshangthoughts]

the amount i wanna explore the immortal alliance is just So Much

okay there are LAYERS to how i feel about these events

because look guys, so far as we understand, airplane is a pretty normal dude. a bit of an internet troll (ok a lot of an internet troll), a horny writer, and an immature punkass who's completely shameless, but like... he's not a mass murderer ya'll.

it KILLS ME that we never got an airplane extra about the immortal alliance because dude HOW HE FELT ABOUT THAT IS A LOT

yeah, he's grown up in this world and yeah he might have had no choice either via the system or via mobei jun or a mix of both, but its absolutely bonkers to be able to just walk off "yeah, a bunch of CHILDREN died in really brutal ways directly because of my influence". like shen yuan was wracked with guilt for years and he only 'killed' one kid and he knew that kid would walk it off.

and i dont buy the explanation that airplane wasn't treating pidw like a real world because frankly... i just dont think that makes any fucking sense if he was born there. yeah, it's gotta feel a bit wonky and unreal with the system in his head, but dude he was BORN here. suspension of disbelief that this world wasn't 'real' wouldnt last a few years, much less several decades. the sheer number of people he would have met, interacted with, and knew were REAL wouldnt make it possible. i do think that he made a huge effort not to get attached to anyone, knowing that bing-ge was gonna kill the fuck out of basically all of them, but theres a big difference between "ahh yeah that guy is gonna die so imma try not to get attached" and "lol ive lived in this world for thirty years but i dont actually think any of this is real"

so look, theres two possibilities for airplane's reaction:

he really does have a seriously fucked up side of him thats 100% okay with murdering children

he was VERY not okay with what happened but he had no choice and he's just Coping the best he can

there's also some answers in-between, but fuck i need to know this answer so badly because knowing the answer to how airplane reacted to the immortal alliance is SO character defining and it drives me insane. characterizing a person who can justify children dying because "not my problem, idc" versus someone who's horrified and traumatized over the part they played in child murder IS KINDA A BIG DIFFERENCE

personally, im coming to a headcanon somewhere in the middle. because tbh none of the airplane extras really spend any time addressing him feeling any sort of guilt over the situation. which does make it seem that he really does have a seriously dark side to him. and he did walk off his fellow disciples getting murdered by mobei jun very easily. but also, i headcanon that he is just the Master of compartmentalizing shit that fucks with him. cant deal with the events of the immortal alliance? thats fine, imma just put those feelings in a box and Never Think About Them.

i actually like to think that airplane's issue with the immortal alliance is the exact reason that mobei jun showed up in person. airplane is doing the immortal alliance thing because the system isnt giving him a choice and he's trying Very Hard not to think about "oh wow, theres gonna be a lot of junior disciples dead by the end of this haha, wow, they look so young ahhahaha, did teenagers always look like toddlers??? bc this is fucking me up REALLY FUCKING BAD" and mobei jun notices that something is Really Wrong with airplane and he cant decide if he's worried or suspicious of airplane's behavior

so he decides to show up in person, just to make sure shang qinghua isnt gonna pull anything but also that the idiot doesnt die while he's acting So Weird

but i think that airplane is like hyper pragmatic

so he's horrified in the planning stages and maybe even in the execution stages, but once it's over he's very much "they're already dead, theres no changing that, theres no point agonizing over it" and its not that he's OKAY with what happened but he literally cannot justify tearing himself apart over people who are dead because that isnt going to help anything. they're not alive to see him upset over it and even if their ghosts could see him, they're not gonna really feel better over dying bc "the guy who killed me feels really bad about it"

i also think that the years airplane spent growing up as shang qinghua play into it A LOT. he's had decades to come to terms with the immortal alliance happening. he knows its a major plot point, it's basically one of two major plot points that shang qinghua has a part in, and the system is unlikely to let him get out of it. so he's spent a longgg time numbing himself to the reality of "im going to murder dozens of children"

this is all my speculations tho and i just wanna rip my hair out that we dont have an immortal alliance extra!!!!!! i just want to KNOW instead of guessing where his head is at. literally, if he doesnt feel any guilt over murdering children, that's kinda a Big Deal characterization-wise. and if he does feel guilt but he doesnt express it thats ALSO a Big Deal characterization-wise!!!

I JUST WANNA BE ABLE TO ACCURATELY PORTRAY HIS PERSONALITY FFFFUUUCCCKKKK I HATE THIS

anyway, im obsessed with the idea that mobei jun is the one who notices when airplane is Not Okay even when he's compartmentalizing like crazy. like airplane is so far down his hole of "its nbd and idc" that he actually believes it. he has to believe it to be able to live with himself. but the way he's fucked up shows up in other ways, maybe he's more forgetful than normal or scattered or clumsier or some mixture and mobei jun just Knows something is wrong, even when he doesnt know exactly what that wrong thing is

and like it becomes this thing where sometimes mobei jun knows airplane better than the little shit knows himself. airplane is so busy lying to himself to cope with his new reality and mobei jun sees through the lies that airplane believes.

but heres where mobei jun hits a problem lol. like, he knows theres something wrong, he knows how to read shang qinghua suupperr well, but does he know what to DO about any of that? absolutely not lmfao

"hm. qinghua is not okay. i should beat him four times today" LIKE THIS MAN DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO HELP EVEN WHEN HE UNDERSTANDS THE PROBLEM AND THAT'S HILARIOUS TO ME

like mobei jun shows up to the immortal alliance like "qinghua has been in pain over this. i'll show up unplanned and beat the shit out of him in front of everyone. that'll help."

i just think these two are an absolute disaster area and i love it

btw i am desperate for mobei jun's pov during the immortal alliance okay because LOOK

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT ALOT

AND IM CONVINCED THAT MOBEI JUN /DID/ HAVE FEELINGS FOR AIRPLANE DURING THAT INCIDENT

BUT ALSO

ITS COMPLICATED

like i dont think mobei jun is simping like binghe, i think he's got some weird mixture of denial and affection and frustration and pining and hatred and suspicion thats all mixed up in all the best ways that during that time he is super in love with airplane but he's also got a lot of other Complicated feelings toward him AND I JUST WANNA SEE HIS POV TO PROVE MY HYPOTHESIS SO FUCKING BADLY WHY THE FUCK DO WE NEVER GET HIS POV IMMA SCREAM

mobei jun's fb status "its complicated"

airplane's fb status "single"

mobei jun: ...........im going to murder him. im going to murder him in his sleep. omfg i hate him so fucking much. WTF DO YOU MEAN SINGLE, YOU ASSHOLE

[dcdreamblog]

So... what's the consensus on that Joker movie? I know a lot of people thought it was crass to use the iconography of a supervillain and attempt to use it for a sympathetic character.

Oh I loved it. The direction was great, the music was excellent. Really a director at the top of their craft taking a hard edged, uncomfortable look at mental illness, show business, the collapse of the American dream and the obsession with celebrity. And I mean the cast, Robert De Niro, Tony Randall, Jerry Lewis, Diahnne Abbot and a script from Zimmerman that doesn't miss just... Oh no wait, I'm obviously confusing Joker for The King of Comedy, a film from 43 goddamn years ago that WB tried to pass off as something other than reheated leftovers by slapping a real life psychopath on the front.

(The Poster for WB's 2019 film 'Joker')

To call is crass is a deep understatement, trying to ride the wave of a mean spirited meme of people with no actual problems in their lives idolizing and philosophizing about a man who would turn them all into Jack-O-Lanterns for looking at him funny. As if it could possibly be appropriate to use the Joker, a criminal who is very much ALIVE and still committing his crimes on a semi regular basis to this day as some sort of a heavy handed metaphor for what, the underclass? It's insulting. To equate people who are struggling day after day just to guy by with the clothes on their back with a performative serial killer in a purple suit.

I've said it before I will say it again. Even if we knew a single thing about the Joker's life story for certain (which we don't) none of it would excuse for a SECOND the things he has done. He's insane in a purely medical sense, as far as the law is concerned, as far as the law SHOULD be concerned he is in charge of as many mental faculties as could possibly be needed to stand trial for his crimes. He knows the difference between right and wrong, CHOOSES to commit evil action and then chooses to do it again. To use him as any kind of general metaphor for the mentally ill or the underprivileged, the poor, the forgotten is to give the man far more credit than he will EVER deserve. The Joker is not your avatar, no matter what you're suffering he has no philosophy and certainly no philosophy that will have anything to do with YOUR well-being.

And you know what gets me? You know what REALLY grinds me up inside? When every single film with a tone darker than the Looney Tunes set in Gotham feels the need to make itself fucking important by trotting out the death of the Waynes. A real tragedy that happened to real people within living memory. To have actors playing Bruce Wayne and Alfred Pennyworth, two men who were directly impacted by the tragedy, who are both still ALIVE and working every day to overcome it. To put them in this movie making wild and fanciful accusations on Thomas Wayne's propriety, it's sick.

Thomas Wayne's son saw himself in this movie, an effigy of his own tarnished childhood pushed out under the spotlight for all the people to cluck their tongues and shake their heads at the grime and cruelty of poor old, broken Gotham.

Alfred Pennyworth, a man who has stood with his spine unbent and his heart unbroken for DECADES since the deaths of his employers and friends on that night in Crime Alley. Who drove in the middle of the night to pick up their son and has stood by him ever since in the NAME of that friendship and love.

You want to know what I think of this movie? I want you to ask Dick Grayson, or Tim Drake, or Cassandra Cain, or Damian Wayne what they think of the movie that lionizes the man who killed their brother.

[swiruh]

Analysis of SK8 Characters in(Worthiness, Trust Issues, Awareness, etc.) – Part 1 (Main Three Characters)

Reki

Reki has low self-awareness, struggles with self-worth, and has a diminished sense of deservingness.

Despite being passionate about what he loves—so much so that he turned it into his career—his dedication to his craft is hindered by his lack of self-confidence and self-appreciation. Whenever he faces a personal problem or an issue related to him, he immediately blames himself, constantly undermining his own value while excessively elevating those around him. His expectations of others are unrealistically high, and he needs balance in how he perceives both himself and the people in his life.

Reki requires self-awareness, either through external help or by realizing it himself before his struggles worsen. Although many characters in the story are aware of his issues, none of them provide real or serious support. Some, like Tadashi and Langa, either don’t fully recognize his struggles or contribute to his self-doubt.

However, what stands out about Reki is his high ambition. Even when Tadashi discouraged him, it had the opposite effect, reigniting his passion. As seen in the OVA, he regained his drive and aimed to reach the very star that once made him feel inadequate.

That said, this doesn’t mean he is fully healed. Reki’s emotions, ambition, confidence, and self-worth fluctuate greatly. He is either deeply passionate and ambitious to an extreme degree or completely hopeless and self-deprecating. There is no middle ground—he experiences either overwhelming joy or intense sorrow.

Langa

Unlike Reki, Langa possesses a relatively high level of confidence. However, his extreme indifference results in a somewhat low sense of self-worth.

His lack of concern puts him in constant danger—not just in terms of taking risks while skateboarding but also in his relationships, making him susceptible to manipulation and exploitation, particularly by adults like Adam, Kaoru, and Tadashi. These individuals use him to resolve their own issues, yet he remains unaware and oblivious to his surroundings.

This indifference also affects his friendships. He fails to recognize his friend’s emotions—whether pain, jealousy, or care. That said, I won’t be too harsh on him. He has just experienced the trauma of losing his father, who clearly played a pivotal role in his life, possibly even more than his mother.

In short, Langa struggles with a lack of awareness regarding his surroundings and the people in his life, which puts both him and his relationships in constant danger.

Miya

Miya has a high sense of self-worth but somewhat weak confidence.

He is a complex character—both difficult and straightforward to analyze at the same time… lol, I know that sounds confusing!😅

Miya constantly fears losing those he loves, a fear rooted in his past experience of abandonment. His friends left him simply because he surpassed them in skill, despite him never mistreating them. This experience led him to adopt a harsh approach in new friendships, as a defense mechanism to avoid reliving the pain of being left behind—similar to Adam, in a way.

Speaking of Adam, Miya shares many personality traits with him. Both belittle others to elevate their own worth, suppress their emotions, and give off misleading impressions about how they truly feel. However, in Miya’s case, his body language often betrays his attempts to conceal his emotions.

Despite his seemingly harsh demeanor, when faced with a real problem, he does not hesitate to show concern and attempt to help. However, given his young age, he lacks the necessary experience to provide truly effective assistance.

Overall, Miya is a good-hearted person who genuinely cares for others. He just needs guidance and help in reducing the defensive, aggressive behaviors he developed due to past friendship experiences—especially since his role model is Adam. That being said, I see growth in him, as shown in the OVA.

These are just theories and personal analyses. If you have any additions or different viewpoints, I’d love to hear them! I enjoy seeing different perspectives. ❤️

Some of these interpretations might be correct, while others might be wrong, especially since the characters’ backstories weren’t fully explored. The anime was short and limited in scope, meaning it didn’t dive deeply into every character. Even in interviews, their pasts weren’t a primary focus. So, these conclusions are drawn purely from what was shown in the episodes.

Thank you for reading all the way to the end! 😆💕

[petalkitshadow]

Talking About: Appledusk

So, Appledusk is a character who my interpretation of probably gets questioned the most by readers. Which is understandable! He's not really an antagonist in MV; or, at least, the reader is supposed to understand in MV that while Mapleshade views him antagonistically, the narration is biased into her favor due to the story being from her POV. But the role he takes on in PkS is quite actually antagonistic to Petalpaw and her struggles.... so I thought it would be interesting to dive into it and explain my thoughts behind why I wrote him the way I did!

So - I want to start out by saying that Appledusk is a fictional character. It doesn't bother me if you like Appledusk, or view him differently than I do. I just happen to dislike him, which I think is pretty clear from how he fits into Petalkit's Shadow, lol. But even if I dislike him, I still wanted him to play an interesting role and serve his purpose, which involves making him as frustrating as possible!

When coming up with ideas for how characters will be in PkS, I often don't have much to go on. Mapleshade is really the only character from the cast who has a ton of focus in the canon books. Appledusk is one of those characters who falls a bit in a middle ground. He has enough going for him in MV that you can get a basic idea for how he is, but you still gotta do a lot of legwork on figuring out deeper aspects of his character. for PkS, I look at the characters' actions and go, "what kind of person would do this?" and then write the kind of person who I think would do that, basically.

Appledusk, he struck me as being very focused on self preservation. When he's with Mapleshade in private, he has no problem being loving to her and the kits. But the moment he might face repercussions - repercussions Mapleshade is already facing, he becomes detached and cold. What stuck out to me is how Mapleshade kept thinking that Appledusk never asked the kits' names. Now, Mapleshade as a narrator is biased. But she's right - Appledusk never asks what the names of his children are. He gives no outward signs of grief when faced with their death, and he makes no attempt to speak privately with Mapleshade after the kits drown. Of course, anger is a very valid form of grief, as we all know from Petalpaw. but Appledusk then going on to throw Mapleshade under the bus, and not show her a shred of sympathy even though he is currently suffering from the exact same prejudice that cost Mapleshade everything, speaks to me a lot about his values. When faced with his supposed loved one at her lowest, with nothing left to lose, his reaction is to distance himself from her as much as possible in the hopes that he will be punished less. It's cowardly, it's infuriating, and makes him seem so, so cruel to me.

And then, there's Reedshine. Reedshine in canon irks me a lot, in a meta sense. She's been hurt in similar ways as Mapleshade. Appledusk cheated on her too! But she immediately forgives him, and shows no conflict about Appledusk's actions. She's given no room to grieve or to hurt, she has to immediately come to Appledusk's defense. Reedshine and Mapleshade were both made to bear pain that Appledusk had no interesting in helping them shoulder.

To me, it really felt like Appledusk took the women in his life for granted. Why else would he have an affair, and not confess to it until literal, physical, damning evidence was put on display for everyone to see? Did he consider his own feelings, his own wants and desires, to be more important than that of Mapleshade, or Reedshine's? Mapleshade, with her penchant for cold-blooded murder, is definitely a worse person than Appledusk. But Appledusk's cruelty, I think it gets more under my skin because it feels real. How many serial killers do you know? probably none. But how many indifferent men who think women are just too emotional do you know? how many half-rate, self-absorbed fathers do you know? probably a small selection, at least.

So, when coming up with the basics for PkS, I imagined in the wake of this fiasco, Appledusk would be most focused on his own image, like he seems to be in canon. He wants to go back to being an esteemed, respected warrior. What's the best way to do that? Is it to step up, and be there for his traumatized daughter, offer her guidance and try to to fill the void left by losing her other parent?

No, of course not. Because to Appledusk, his daughter is a constant reminder of the mistakes he's made. He doesn't want to reckon with those mistakes, and he doesn't want to consider that he did something wrong.

In a way... he is a lot like his daughter. (Petalpaw would kill me if she could read me typing this, lol). They both are set in their ways, and very, very stubborn.

So, tl;dr... Appledusk in PkS is an extrapolation based on what I interpret from his character. But he's a character with so little to go on I think there are many ways to interpret him. This is just my thought process about him!

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Little random, but you've answered asks about Disney Princess movies before a while ago.

What are your thoughts on Frozen and Anna and Elsa?

Thoughts on Frozen

People like it, but to me it's a thoroughly "ok" film. It's far from Disney's best, not one of the worst, but sort of middle of the road. The plot's a giant mess and was clearly subject to last minute revisions (Hans's sudden villainy comes across as so sudden that it fails to make the point it was trying to make. It wasn't necessary, as the point Elsa makes isn't invalidated even if he wasn't evil and Anna still could have dropped him at the end. And we just get this "YOU FOOL, DIDN'T YOU KNOW I WAS THE MUSTACHE TWIRLING VILLAIN ALL ALONG?!" To which I can only say, "No, Hans, I didn't know that, kind of makes that scene where you left the castle to look for Anna personally very pointless. Nobody would have questioned you, dude." It makes a lot more sense when you consider Elsa was supposed to be the antagonist/misguided in initial drafts and the then desperate need for somebody to be the bad guy.)

Tangled, by comparison, is a much more put together film and in my opinion is much better, but it didn't have a hit song sung by Idina or Anna's adorable nerdiness and Elsa's general angst.

So Frozen gets to be the beloved film for over ten years on, rejuvenating the Disney brand for another generation, and I just have to sit there and take it.

(Perhaps a hot take, I'm not tuned in enough to know, but I thought Frozen 2 was much better as a film in general, much more put together/hard hitting, though it had far less memorable music/the big numbers just weren't as good. It's also a lot more hard-hitting, with none of the comedy and very little of the narrative of empowerment.)

Anna and Elsa

I do like these two and they're very believable characters who do go through character development that feels very real.

In Anna we have an isolated, awkward, young adult who is convinced that 'love' will save her, doesn't know where she stands with what was once a beloved older sister, and when she fucks things up tries to fix it without really addressing the issues she had in the first place until the very end of the movie.

She's fun, she's relatable, if short-sighted and naive, and it's clear that she does have to learn something from her adventure, and that she really didn't understand her sister and what she was going through.

In Elsa, we have someone who has been under immense pressure her entire life while also knowing that she has this terrible secret which means she will never live up to what she has to be to rule a nation. She ends up isolated from her younger sister out of terror of hurting her, which damages their relationship, and she too has growth where when we first meet her in the film, she sees coronation as only a one-day event she has to simply get over with as quickly as possible.

She's also a very relatable character, her struggle is something that speaks to a lot of people and has been iconic for over a decade for a reason, and she's refreshing in that her problems despite being a female lead have nothing to do with men and a man never enters the picture for her.

Even her moment of "WHEEEEEEEE I'M FREEE!" to Anna arriving and "NOOOOOOOOOO! ALL MY ACTIONS HAD TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES!" is a great one as Elsa is only then really forced to confront both herself, her loved ones, and finally accept who she is by the end of the film.

TL;DR

Basically, I like both characters and I think people really like them for a reason.

But I do think the movie's a hot mess.