#The worst part was the ship in question was like the top ship at the time for that fandom??? I was just chosen randomly by someone that had

[unholyhelbig]

Can we have the last chapter of oversight??

Title: The Oversight [Part 7/7]

Ship: Female!Reader x Natasha Romanoff

Wordcount: 7200

Warnings: Blood, (a lot of blood) Gun violence, childhood trauma, a shoot out, murder, and horrible grammar.

[A/n: This is it!! I wanted to thank everyone so beyond much for sticking with this story. I do suck at endings, so I'm sorry if it doesn't live up to expectations (I'm also writing this after the worst case of covid I've ever had). I'm more than happy to continue reader and Nat's story in some oneshots if you want to request some!]

[ Part one | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven ]

Main Masterlist | Read my stuff on AO3 | Leave Requests

Sheets of warm spring rain soaked into your clothes. Despite its tepid temperature, you were chilled to the bone. By the time you had taken Ronnie from her car seat in the back and coaxed a drowsy Darcy from the front seat, there was no dry part of you. A light wind had picked up and you were positive that your skin was pale, cold. Your lips are blue and shaking. It felt right to knock.

It was Yelena who answered the door, and she did so sparingly. It was just a crack at first, letting out a stream of golden light that caught the storm in its clutches. Then it was flung open entirely, and you had to squint against the brightness.

Darcy had a good grip on Ronnie’s hand, blinking away the last of her exhaustion as she started into the massive foyer and the house that was built around it. Yelena wore a bubblegum pink robe that was fuzzy. It looked warm. Her collarbone was littered in a smattering of blue and purple bruises. She dragged the two ends together to cover her skin.

“Y/n, it’s late.”

You were well aware of what time it was. This was Yelena’s odd way of asking if you were okay. She stepped to the side and allowed the three of you to enter, sopping wet. That was a good sign. Despite her abrasiveness, Natasha’s sister had more than one soft spot. One was for Kate, another for you, and even a small one for Clint.

“Holy shit…” Darcy whispered.

“It’s impressive, no?”

Yelena frowned, glancing up to the second level. The hall light flicked on, and you knew that Natasha had stirred. You’d awoken the dragon, not something that you were against doing. It felt stupid to have the worry of Ronnie being here in the back of your mind. This was an emergency situation.

Your heart started to pound faster and you shivered into yourself when she appeared at the top of the stairs. There was worry in her fern-colored stare. Why were you there? Why was your misfit family with you? It was late.

None of those questions came with Natasha, however. Instead, she wrapped you in her warm embrace. Your skin was frigid against her own, damp with the brutal attention of the storm. She had no objections to letting you sink into her embrace, wetting her pajamas.

“Dorogaya, chto sluchilos'?”

You pulled back, her fingers still digging into your waist. Yelena had been teaching you Russian, though you only picked up on a few words a time, you understood exactly the tone of her voice. “Carol… she was waiting for me at home.”

A hardness returned to her stare as she glanced at Ronnie who was overly interested in the tile pattern of the floor, and Darcy who was trying to work the pressure from her head with small touches to her nose.

“Did she hurt you?” her voice was a low growl “any of you?”

You shook your head. “Drugged Darcy, but it seems to be wearing off. Ronnie is alright. Carol said she was a friend and shit, Nat, I taught her about stranger danger, but she came straight to the door. I didn’t prepare her for anything like that.”

Yelena had wandered in her silent, cat-like way. She seemed to spawn back into the foyer with warm towels that felt like heaven against your skin. Your fingers were numb along with your emotions. Carol had entered your home. She entered your home.

This fact seemed to sink into Natasha’s bones. While she still held a strong grip on your shoulders there was a certain type of anger that edged through her from top to bottom. A storm brewed behind her eyes and threatened to shatter her cool confidence.

“Lena,” the word broke against her tongue “Will you please take Ronnie and Darcy to a guest room upstairs. I’m sure they’re exhausted.”

There was no objection from any party. You were once again left alone with Natasha, a charged feeling in the air that pulled the two of you together. She pressed her forehead against yours, breath warm on your collarbone.

“I’m going to kill her.”

“Nat,”

“I am. I don’t have another choice. There are clear lines that can’t be crossed and she just cut every single one of them.” Natasha hurriedly pushed strands of wet hair behind your ears, clearing your eyes. “She did this as a statement.”

“And if it’s a trap?”

“It most certainly is, darling, but that won’t stop us from walking into it.”

Very carefully, you thought about your next words, your next actions. It was easy to throw Natasha off, despite her resolute standing when she made a final decision. You felt her body pressed against yours, innate in its comfort and warmth. It would make you ache if she pulled away.

The words came out as a whisper “I’m coming with you.”

“No, you’re not.”

She attempted to step back, but your hands were tight against the silk of her robe. You held her there and she didn’t resist the tension. It was the first time you had really studied your own hands. They were different, entirely so, from those that serviced strangers at the diner.

There were soft bubblegum pink scars on your palms, and harder, darker ones on your knuckles from the countless hours you’d leaned into the pain of each punch. Natasha’s shoulder against the sand-filled bag as she stood against the strength you mustered.

A bruise from the last time you’d entered the shooting range bubbled under the surface of your palm, and it was this that Natasha stared at the hardest as you gripped her with an intensity she had yet to see.

“Did I ever tell you about my second foster father?” You asked, having released your hold, but keeping your hand splayed on her chest. You weren’t sure if you were holding her steady, or yourself. She shook her head. “Deputy Sheriff Edwards. He was a high school quarterback in Minnesota before he blew out his knee and would never let you forget it.

“And mostly… mostly he was a good guy. But, he worked long hours and had a mean streak that would show itself after a beer or two. If he had more, it was worse. He’d stumble in and find one of us kids to go out for shooting practice in the acreage behind the house.”

Natasha swallowed thickly and clenched her eyes shut for a moment. She hadn’t asked you about your familiarity with a gun and considered it a small blessing that you didn’t’ shy away from the weapon. Not only that, but you were quite nearly an expert shot once you got over the nervous familiarization.

“Locking the bedroom door, it worked sometimes, but not always. I had to pick and choose the nights when I wasn’t up for it. Usually in the winter. Minnesota gets cold, below freezing when the sun goes down behind the horizon. So cold that it burns your lungs to breathe, and you have to force your eyes open.

“Deputy Sheriff Edwards, when he couldn’t have me, he would go for my foster brother Andrew. I could hear the pistol going off, over and over again for hours. There was a distinct change in sound when the bullet actually hit the tin cans and it was… that night it was scarce. When you missed- when you missed, he got angrier.”

Natasha let out a shaky breath and pressed her forehead against yours. She was impossibly comforting, and you wanted nothing more than to wrap your arms around her and bury your nose in the small of her neck to stave off the cold. But you had to make her understand that you could handle this.

“That night, Andrew missed one too many cans and each shot was pockmarked by a hit to the temple. It was right outside my bedroom window, and the snow, the snow makes everything so much louder.” It was you that pulled in a desperate breath this time, greedy and hungry “a boy can only take so much before he aims the gun at something other than a can and pulls the trigger.”

She had reached up and used her thumb to wipe away a tear you didn’t know you shed, spreading it against your cheek. “Malysh, I can’t bare to put you through more pain.”

“That’s not your choice to make,” you whispered back, reaching up and wrapping your fingers gently around her wrist. “Whether you like it or not, Nat, you’ve spent the last six months training me to be the protector that you’ve needed. It would be a crime not to have me by your side through this, after she came into my home and threatened my family. This anger, this rage, will do nothing but serve us.”

Natasha let out a watery chuckle, “alright, Summer Sentient, stay on my six.”

There was a shed at the edge of Natasha’s large property that you rarely entered. There were too many memories attached to the location. The first time you had opened the door and clocked the coloring of the floor and the coolness of the structure, you knew that it wasn’t a place you wanted to return often.

When you had first stirred months ago with your arms tied behind your back, your mouth fuzzy and tasting of blood- it was here that they had taken you. Through your exhaustive haze, you figured it was a larger place, a storage unit or even an airplane hanger at the edge of a runway. Instead, it was a simple one-room shed that was kept ice cold and made to look infinite through mental manipulation and large intense lights.

Kate Bishop seemed to sense your simple unease and moved to help your fumbling fingers with the gun holster that was secured around your chest. Like always, Natasha organized a united front and a pep talk before going into a situation that none of you could truly prepare for.

“It’s going to be okay, you know” Kate murmured after she fastened the buckle, clapping you on the shoulder. Her eyes lingered on Natasha, on Yelena as the two of them spoke in hushed voices near a small counter that you hadn’t realized was there in the dark.

“Am I that easy to read?”

“Like an open book. It’s obvious how much you care for one another, and nothing is obvious with this family.” Kate moved to the other side of you, you tracked her with your eyes. Clint, in turn, watched the two of you interact from his perched spot near the far wall. “It took two years for Yelena to show any type of affection towards me.”

“Jesus Christ, I know she’s stoic, but shit.”

“Shit is right. I was head over heels for her within the first week. Mind you, I was suffering severe trauma and thrown into something much beyond myself. But I chipped away at her overtime, wore her down until she was comfortable enough telling me what she feels. But with the Romanoff’s, it’s not just about what they feel. It’s how they feel.”

You lifted both of your eyebrows at her. Kate handed you the jacket that was draped over a nearby chair, you toyed with it in your hands, moved your fingers over the brass buttons. It was much too warm in here to put on yet.

“Natasha is one of the scariest people I have ever met and It’s not because of her dripping ledger. It has everything to do with how much she cares. And she cares about you, y/n. It’s why she’s so reluctant to bring you along to something like this. To the end.”

“Thank you, Kate. For leading me through all of this.”

“Anytime, y/n. Can’t have you dying on us, can we?”

The plan was simple; there was no plan. A deal was supposed to met in a quick and clean way. Much like the restaurant, Natasha just needed you to simply be there to back her up. There was neutral ground at the edge of the shipyard that was far away enough from the unassuming population. Carol had agreed to meet there; tentatively.

There was something so civil and political about a business that was saturated in black sticky blood. You had a jarring feeling that tonight would be it for you, the moment of no return. Once you entered in a united front behind Natasha, your life would never be the same.

You didn’t want it to be.

Natasha Romanoff drove you absolutely wild, but had a way of calming that storm all the same. Though she’d never allow it, you would take bullets for her. But, you’d also take bullets for the little girl that you struggled to confront now.

The leather binding against your chest suddenly felt too stuffy. You’d often hid it behind the guise of a jacket or slid it into your glovebox before you trudged up the rickety stairs to your apartment. Now it was hugged as tightly as Kate could get it, pinching the fabric of your shirt.

Ronnie had looked up from the book she’d curled up with at the end of the sofa. She stared at it with quiet eyes. Everything she did was quiet but this time it felt more judge mental than usual. Natasha sidled up behind you, one ringed hand pressing calmly into the small of your back.

“Remember what I told you on the Ferris Wheel?” Natasha asked.

“She’ll talk when she’s ready.”

“Mm,” Natasha gave you a soft kiss behind your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “I know that look. She wants to talk.”

The mafia boss gave you a little shove forward before making herself comfortable leaning against the doorframe that you had just vacated. She was begrudgingly right. Veronica had scooted over deliberately and given you room next to her.

Ronnie allowed you to get comfortable next to her, running her small fingers over the leather of the holster. You stopped her before she could reach the sheathed weapon, gently lowering both of your hands to your lap.

“Natasha?”

The woman stood up straighter, looking into the expectant eyes of your daughter. She patted the empty seat on the other side of her and you watched as your girlfriend struggled not to flounder under the weight of the request. Eventually she joined the two of you on the couch, nervously twisting the closest ring around her finger.

“I’m not stupid” Ronnie said.

You frowned “No one said you were stupid, baby.”

Your daughter was glowering at you. It took years to read her facial expressions, but the one that was on her features now was loud and clear. “You can’t come home with bruises like that and expect me not to notice.”

You blinked at her dumbly. Yes, kids were perceptive, Ronnie more than others. But no part of you wanted to expose you to the life you’d been thrown in. Guilt was weighing down Natasha’s shoulders, she glanced at you sheepishly.

“You weren’t supposed to join the mob. I know why you did it, though.”

Good god, she was smart. Smarter than you’d ever give her credit for. Everyone wants to believe that their child is special but there was a certain pride in your chest that rivaled your fear. She pulled her little hand from yours and placed it on the spine of the book.

She seemed to lose interest in you altogether and turned her attention to Natasha. “Don’t let her get hurt.”

“I…Are you giving me the shovel talk?”

“I don’t know what that means, just make sure my mom’s okay.”

Natasha swallowed the dryness in her mouth, it was nearly audible. “You don’t have to worry about that, kid. I promise.”

There was an innate fear coiled in the center of your stomach, and the cacophony of footfalls against weathered docks did nothing to ease your pitfall of feelings. Clint towered over you in height, walking with his hands shoved into his jacket pockets to ward off the chill of the summer wind.

Kate and Yelena stalked behind you both, their shoulders hunched, their conversation a hushed whisper. Six docks altogether led into one hexagon platform, that at one point, must have held a fair much like the one you attended in the early summer.

From the other stretch of docking came five others. Their silhouettes were fuzzy, black against the night sky. Carol held herself with a confidence that rivaled Natasha’s. You could make out Monica amongst the crowd, a man that you’d seen around town that you were sure went by the name Fury; particular to his deeply embedded rage.

A circle of wood in the center of the land stood between the two groups like a buffer. Hands were on guns, puffs of air streaming into the lone portlights drilled into soft wood. The scent of the sea itself seemed to assuage you into flexing your fingers, the salt in the air made everything feel filmy and frigid.

It was Carol who spoke first. Her voice was carried by the wind. “I must admit, I didn’t expect you to call a meeting like this.”

“You violate my trust as if it’s nothing Miss Danvers. It’s clear you wanted to invoke something other than a slap on the wrist.”

“Well, there’s been talk around town that you’ve become smitten with your little pet project. Forgive me for wanting to test the theory myself. If the big bad Romanoff sisters are going soft, don’t you think I should know about it?”

Yelena shifted behind you and in turn, so did Monica. No one reached for their weapon, though you itched from the inside out. Natasha even lift an eyebrow at the statement.

“You wanted to discuss the Maroni property. I’m willing to sell, but only with the proper conditions.”

Clint had sat you down a few weeks after your first excursion. The two of you sat at the end of the very diner that you had quit. You never really tried the food but could stomach the fries- even admit to yourself that they were the best in town for their price point. The Maroni property was nothing more than a vacant lot, but it held more than that. It would make Carol the owner of 60% of the town instead of the meager 50% that split everything equally.

If there was any objection to her offer, no one would show it. Peace of mind would not be worth giving up her hold, but you were. Yelena could kick her frustrations out at home later, Clint and Kate were none the wiser to do anything but trust blindly; and you were right there with them.

“And what conditions are those?”

“The same conditions our parents have abided by all these years. There’s an honor in what we do and what we control and when you start crossing lines like the ones you did last night, you pour gasoline on an already raging fire.”

Carol tasked and took a step forward. This time the handle of your gun was in your palm. You held your stance. “So poetic, Natasha. You have been since grade school. I’ll take the land, but you’re mistaken if you think I’ll pay full price.”

Natasha clenched her jaw, her eyes darting to the rolling darkness of the sea. The waves were crashing violently against the wooden support beams. There were whitecaps miles from the shore and a storm was brewing that you could almost taste.

“Seventy-five. I won’t go any lower.”

“Alright, Seventy-five.”

Carol stuck her hand out over the circular center of the docks. It was a show of good faith, but your palm grew slick with sweat. You watched her with more care than you ever have before. Clint was rigid with tension, and you could practically hear Kate breathe nervously behind you.

Eventually, Natasha took the woman’s hand. She held it for a moment before leaning closer, whispering something that you couldn’t’ hear over the screeching of the waves. You could, however, see Carols face shaded by the port lights. The golden yellow color enveloped the stark coldness in her stare, the anger that flashed behind hazel irises.

When the gunshot sounded, Natasha’s back was to Carol and those who flanked her sides. It was such a quiet and muted sound that made your ears ring, but it was also a familiar sound. One that flashed back to that snowy night in Minnesota, the spray of pulpy blood on the startlingly white snow.

When Andrew had pulled the trigger, he looked Sheriff Deputy Edwards in the eyes and you had always wondered if the fear cut through the haze of alcohol that night. The split second where the bullet left the chamber, was there penance to be made? He’d dropped to his knees and let out a choking sound that you heard through the paned glass windows.        

There wasn’t a wall of insulation, and wood, and glass to garble the sound of the gunshot that rang out tonight. The waves seemed to swallow up your own scream and the commotion that stretched into being.

Carol had waited until Natasha broke the handshake and turned away before she fired her weapon. Something so strong and ever-present was dropped to the sun-bleached wood in a matter of moments. Natasha didn’t make a sound.

“Get down!” Clint yelled next to you.

You caught the anger in Monica’s stare, the way that Carol had moved her target from Natasha, directly to you. At this specific point, with Natasha crumpled at your feet and the woman who had pulled the trigger sneering at you, was when something snapped within you.

A good shot, you had always been a good shot. Not only that, but you’d been efficient too. Clint had given up trying to drag you away and instead made quick work of those that were backing Carol. Kate and Yelena were gone; in the throws of darkness, into hand to hand combat. It left you alone with the woman that made everyone cower in fear.

Natasha’s blood had sopped onto your shoes. Tears threatened to well up in your eyes. She wasn’t breathing. You couldn’t tell if she was breathing. She had curled into herself and hidden her face from you and while you wanted to pull her into your arms at this very moment; that wasn’t possible.

An ongoing war was raging around you. Gunfire and screaming, and oddly enough, the pungent scent of fire. Carol watched, confident in her protection. She smiled at you, a wolfish and inhuman grin.

“Now, you can’t tell me this hasn’t changed your perspective.” She said, sweeping her arms out as if this were her kingdom- as if this chaos, this reign of gunfire and screams amongst the people you loved, was what she wanted all along.

“It has,” you raised your gun, pointing it directly to her chest. To her credit, she didn’t flinch. “I just watched you shoot a woman in the back. What��s noble about that?”

She cackled “Noble? That’s the problem with you Romanoff’s, there is nothing noble about this business. To win, you have to play dirty. To win you can’t be afraid to take what you want, and I can’t exactly do that through handshakes and good will. Can I?”

“I suppose not, but how are they supposed to trust you, hm? All of those you’ve promised the world to, the ones fighting for your wellbeing as we speak?”

“I would never betray them.”

“Oh, now, I don’t believe that.”

She frowned at you and readjusted her hold on her gun. In any other world, she would have fired her gun by now, but there was something deep within Carol that had been curious about you. About how Natasha seemed to soften around your presence. Still, she didn’t understand, but she wanted it all the same.

Her finger adjusted on the trigger. You watched every movement she made. There was another, calmer, war in her mind. She could kill you right here if she wanted to, but you couldn’t tell if she did or not.

Natasha let out a wounded noise at your feet; a wet choking sound as she struggled to pull air into her lungs. Carol lifted both eyebrows and glanced down at her. “You can save her or kill me. I don’t think you’re quick enough to do both.”

Kate let out a guttural scream from further down the dock that was followed by two more blows and flashes from a gun. Most of Carols lackeys had been incapacitated in one way or another. You clocked Clint’s trembling form as he kneeled between two dark masses. You couldn’t see Yelena, couldn’t’ even hear her, but she leaned into her silence, her rage.

By the time your eyes had met with Carol’s once more, she had made her choice. She pressed further down on the trigger, and in your blind edge of confidence you fired first. Both bullets were aimed at her stomach, and both hit their mark before her single shot found it’s way to your shoulder.

The pain shot through your arm, down the numbness of your fingers. A deep sound escaped the back of your throat. The force of the blast nearly brought you to your knees. Nearly. You’d felt the heat of the bullet rip through the gore of your shoulder- enter and exit in a clean way that would hiss in pain later, but it was no match for the adrenaline.

Carol let out a groan, one that bubbled with pain. You kicked her weapon away from her, letting it slide against the wooden dock. She blinked up at you dumbly, her hands pressing against the slowly growing crimson spot in the center of her stomach.

The color dripped from the wound on your shoulder, over the silver of the casing. A singular drop of red succumbed to the pull of gravity and landed against the smooth expanse of Carol’s collarbone. When she grinned, her teeth were stained with rust.

“Tell me, Carol, what do you see?” You pulled back the hammer, ignoring her sloppy chuckles and the frothy blood that foamed past her lips. “A broken waitress, or a trained killer?”

“Now you’re getting it…” she swallowed thickly, trying to quell the pain “It’s all about perspective.”

You pulled the trigger for a third, and final time that night. You were so trusting in your aim that you refused to look when you administered the final blow. Her head dropped to the side, the bullet finding it’s way right between her eyes.

Silence seemed to fall over the docks. You could hear the crashing of the waves and the seagulls that circled above at the scent of shed blood. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and the gun you wielded was dropped to the dock.

She’d been killed so easily. This big, hulking demon that loomed over the town, and over your life. It took nothing but a rage-filled trigger pull to end it all. Your heart was in your throat, blood rushing past your ears.

And then there was Natasha.

Natasha had shifted onto her back, her hand outstretched in your direction. You could hear the painful wheeze in each breath. Her skin was pale, a bloom of red at the corner of her lip. You wanted to kiss it away, to pull her as close as possible, but you were afraid to move her.

Your knees dug into the coarse wood, your palm finding purchase on her cheek. “Nat, baby, I need you to stay awake, okay?”

“The stars, you can see them so well out here.”

You frowned, glancing up at the velvety blue sky. The constellations were bright, making little pictures of lions, and archers, and long stretches of water. It was hard to see them with the perpetual glow of the city. But out here, just like the mansion, they made a map.

“Yeah, baby, you can.” You reached blindly for her hand. It was cold. “You can’t go to sleep. Just keep looking at the stars, for me. Clint! Lena!”

Your voice broke on the second call. Your face was damp with tears as you kept track of Natasha’s stunted breathing, and the tight grip she still held you with. She refused to let you go, and you did the same, pressing the warmth of your lips to her white knuckles.

Yelena was by your side. She was pale and shaking herself. There was a gash above her eye, dripping blood and drying against her cheek. There was a split in her lip, a forming bruise under her chin and against the length of her neck.

“ne ostavlyay menya, sestra. Ty sil'neye etogo. Drat'sya.”

“Should we call an ambulance?”

“No, no hospital.” Yelena shook her head “we do this on our own, just like we always have.”

Your fingers were caked in blood, a dried brown color that was ugly against the beauty of your shared bedroom with Natasha. You wanted to scrub them clean, watch as the water was tinted a toxic orange before it circled the drain, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move.

A glass of water was set on the small table next to you, and you fought back the urge to startle. You hadn’t heard anyone enter. There was a familiar spiced scent to Darcy that you picked up on before registering her presence. She nudged the glass closer to you and lowered herself into the other chair.

“You should really let Yelena look at that shoulder.” She said.

“It’s fine.”

You picked up the glass and considered swallowing down some of the room temperature water, but thought better of it. You held onto it because you could. It grounded you, the cloudy glass stained with coppery fingerprints.

“The news… they’re saying that a wealthy businesswoman snapped. Allegedly, she lured her employees down to the docks and killed them all before turning the gun on herself.”

“Tragic.” This time you did take a swallow of the water before setting it on the table.

Darcy watched you carefully. She wasn’t being judgmental, or at least, that’s what you wanted to believe. Her eyes were still darkened with exhaustion but filled with a deep kind of worry. She hesitated, moving to put her hand on your knee, but thinking better of it.

Instead, she directed her attention to Natasha’s unconscious form on the bed. Yelena had called in a private doctor, stubborn in her efforts. He worked mostly alone, and had hushed conversation with those in the room that could comprehend better than you could in your fuzzy state.

Kate had attempted to patch you up, but you pulled away with enough intensity for her to focus on licking her own wounds. Natasha was stable, she was alive. They weren’t sure if she would make it through the night- but you’d remain by her side until they were sure.

“I can’t lose her,”

The admission was whispered and shattered. You didn’t want to acknowledge the possibility of Natasha not pulling through. She was the first person you’d met in years that not only accepted you, but pushed you to be a better version of yourself. She had a softness for Ronnie, a commanding nature to her presence.

 Darcy cracked a small smile, “leave it to you to fall in love with a loan shark that has a pension for bullets. Something tells me that’s she’s more stubborn than even you. And if that’s the case, then she’ll make it.”

You reached out and grasped Darcy’s hand, allowing her to ground you. Pain ripped through your shoulder, the bandage that you had allowed Kate to apply was dotted with the wounds efforts to gush. Still, you squeezed as hard as you could manage, listening to the heart monitor that hummed in time with the grandfather clock in the corner.

She stayed with you while you fought to stave off sleep. At one point, Clint came in with a tray of food that lay mostly untouched on the dresser. Your eyes burned as you stared at the simple rise and fall of her chest, both feet planted on the floor.

Sixteen hours had passed. You’d paced the room, and at one point, finally allowed someone to address your wounds. It throbbed in time with your heart, which in-turn, mirrored Natasha’s. It was hour twenty when you saw any sign of life, and you nearly missed it, the fluttering of her eyes as they adjusted to the sun streaming into the room.

You’d rolled your head back, trying to quell the stiffness of your neck, the hushed growl escaped your lips. “Oh… fuck.”

“That’s a beautiful sound.”

To hell with your aching body. Natasha’s voice was so meek that you’d nearly missed it altogether. You were treated with a startling blast of green color. She stared at you inquisitively, trying to prop herself up on her elbows. You were quicker than her in this state, using your palm against her chest to gently force her back onto the mattress.

“Don’t try to move,”

“I don’t do well with orders, y/n.”

“God damn it, I know.”

She gave you a small smile at this, but allowed you to coax her back into a laying position. She let out a protest of pain as you placed your ear flush against her chest, assuring that this was real, that her heart was beating strong and consistently. And it was, it really was.

Natasha chuckled, and worked her hand through your hair. “It’s okay, Zaychik. I’m alright.”

“Nat, you were shot in the back twice. It’s going to be a long road to recovery. You’re lucky that it didn’t shatter your spine, hell you could have lost the ability to walk altogether-“

She cut you off, grabbing your chin and leading your lips to hers. She tasted of blood, of the slightest bit of antiseptic and artificial cherries. She tasted like home. You fretted to pull away, knowing that she had kissed you to ultimately shut you up, but really, did that matter?

Natasha frowned into the kiss and pulled away, her fingers had found the bandage on your shoulder, running across the cross section where your skin met gauze. “You’re hurt. She hurt you.”

“She got a good shot in but had terrible aim. Nothing but a flesh wound.”

“Flesh wounds can be dangerous, Malysh.”

“Mm, so they can.” A few moments passed, your forehead pressed against hers, happy to be in her presence. “What did you say to Carol… right before she…”

Natasha let out a deep sigh and winced at the exhalation. She laid her head on the pillow and glowered at the painted ceiling above you both. You remembered staring up at it after Natasha had exhausted you on more than one occasion. Right now, she was trying to find the words, just like you had tried so desperately to find your solace.

“I threatened her family the way she threatened mine. I thought better of her, I suppose, than to shoot a woman in the back. Though, I would have done the same with the threats I laid out. I just needed to be sure that she wouldn’t… couldn’t hurt you… Ronnie.”

“You don’t have to worry about them anymore.”

“Maybe not the Danvers family, but there are more just lurking in the shadows waiting for their chance to swoop in. They’re scared now, I’m sure. But fear only goes so far.”

“I’m in this for the long haul, if you’ll have me, of course.” You tucked a strand of auburn hair behind her ear, careful of her wounds. “I don’t care if it’s the Russo’s, or the Sarkissian’s, or any other psycho family that tries to take your power away from you. They’ll have to go through me.”

Natasha chuckled, “Alright, quickdraw, don’t get too cocky. We’ll lay low for a little bit. Heal. Then we can talk about the future.”

Somehow, that was enough for you. Natasha waking up, speaking and smiling, and laughing would always be enough for you.

“Drop the gun,” Kate’s voice was shaking, her hands outstretching in front of her in the ultimate sign of surrender. She looked vulnerable, the sun beating down on her shoulders and her stormy eyes catching the reflection of the water. “I’m unarmed, this isn’t cool, man.”

Her protests didn’t’ seem to matter one bit. Cooper pumped the front end of his gun and aimed the ice cold water directly at Kate’s stomach. His action was a silent call to the brigade of children that ascended on her; some carrying water guns like Coop, and others nailing her with neon colored balloons.

“Ah, the inhumanity!” She fell to the grass, scooping Ronnie up in the process. “Shield me, kid!”

You watched the girl with fondness, fighting back until the end. Clint chuckled behind you, flipping the burgers that had browned evenly on one side. The scent was intoxicating, and though you wouldn’t’ admit your hunger outright; your mouth was watering.

Yelena had ascended on the situation, taking a super soaker and dousing the clan that was attacking, and winning, Kate. She tucked Ronnie under her arm like a football and started to dash away towards the fence, out of earshot.

Clint’s wife, Laura, was pouring a glass of lemonade for Darcy. The two of them watched the scene from poolside chairs with as much amusement as you carried. They spoke with smiles on their faces, cheeks flushed from the heat of the day.

Warm arms wrapped around your midsection, a chin resting on your shoulder. The scent of sunscreen filled your lungs. You had always felt innate safety in Natasha’s embrace. She kissed behind your ear once, and then the side of your neck.

“She’s good with them.” Natasha purred.

“I think it’s because she’s a kid at heart.”

“And you let her protect your assets?” Clint tsked as he loaded the burgers onto a nearby plate. “Seriously, without Yelena training her I never would have taken the safety off her gun.”

“I can hear you!” Kate called back, shifting Ronnie to her other hip. “They are being so rude. I’m more than capable of being a degenerate.”

“Degenerate,” Yelena scoffed “Kate Bishop, you’ve invented the word.”

You shook your head, turning in Natasha’s arms before you draped your own over her shoulders. She wore that same black bikini that she had on when she proclaimed your new rank in her little empire. It seemed so long ago- and she was certainly marred with new markings to prove this. Your fingers tracing gently over the healed scars on her stomach.

You leaned forward and pressed your lips against hers, “Thank you for this.”

“Mm,” She hummed into the embrace “For what, detka?”

You deepened the embrace, whispering against her “resolution.”  

[Taglist🕷♡: @dumbasslesbi, @lostremind, @toouncreativeforausername @autorasexy @eringranola @mikookaaaaaao @marvelwoman-simp @pacmanmiles @mostlymarvelsstuff, @mrsrushman, @milfsandtittyenthusiast, @random-raccoon4, @ravenromanova, @mysticalmoonlight7, @ahintofchaos@cowboyboots236 @lissaaaa145, @natsxwife@a-spes, @kyleeservopoulos]

[paddockbunny]

Don't Blame Me - Part 4

Summary : You had it bad. You had it so damn bad for a man that was not your boyfriend. And when you arrive in Brazil and find out all the drivers were staying in the same hotel…what happens when it’s suddenly all out there to you, on offer, and boyfriend approved? Rating : 18+ Pairing : Daniel Ricciardo x Reader (Max Verstappen’s GF) Word Count : Multi-part imagine - part 4 is 4,000+ words Trigger Warnings : 18+, NSFW, adult language, fantasising having sex with someone who isn’t your boyfriend, sexual themes, graphic descriptions of sex, mention of Christian Horner & Jos Verstappen Images : curated from Pintrest Authors Note : Ok housekeeping. 1. I am sorry this has taken so long to put out, I apologise! I've had some pretty shit health news and I am struggling a bit with it so I hope this doesn't disappoint 2. I realise theres a little plot hole in terms of sprint races and quali etc but for the purposes of the story just go with it please. 3. There are two flashbacks in this chapter. The first flashback takes place AFTER the second. Both are denoted by *** and are labeled by the month so I hope that it helps / makes sense haha. Thank you for reading!!!

Brazil ’23

Qualifying

The chatter over the headphones was mixed with the low rumble you felt as Max’s teammate pulled his Red Bull into his garage next door. Over the radio you heard him being told that he had a hydraulics issue and to come in immediately which set you on edge for Max. He had been doing so well (he had been all year) and this was a total steal of a weekend for him after topping every practice session and round after round of qualifying. Surely they wouldn’t let something go wrong for him. Christian wouldn’t let that happen to him, would he? You looked over to where the pit wall was and you saw Horner turn in his chair and glare into the Perez garage. You tried not to smirk as you thought about how you (and Max) would pay some good money to find out the inner workings of Christian Horner’s mind – especially as all the journalists were constantly asking questions about Perez’ place in the team next year. But that didn’t concern you. Max was your only concern. Right?

Q1 and Q2 went by in the blink of an eye and as Q3 begun you felt yourself get nervous. You turned your head in time to see your boyfriend pull his blue rocket ship out of his garage at the direction of the pit crew who was flagging him on. You watched as suddenly he came to an abrupt halt and he was held with the car half in, half out of the box. Fuck! You have to be kidding?!  Your brain went to the worst and you thought that he was going to be given the same orders to retire as his team mate had received when suddenly you realised it was just to allow another car passed to go in front. The white and blue car of Daniel pull past quickly in front of him and you took a steadying breath. Daniel had been on for a phenomenal weekend himself. He had put solid times in just like Max had and you nervously bit the inside of your cheek wondering if there was a possibility that the pair of them would get into a scrap for pole position as Max shot out into the pit lane behind him. As each of the cars made it out on track – their relevant drivers all trying to put in the best lap times, jostling each other out of position every few minutes – you couldn’t help but keep one eye on your boyfriend’s timings and those of the man whom you dreamt of on a regular basis.

Just as Charles Leclerc topped the timing board with a lighting fast lap you found your fingers moving to ghost over your bottom lip. They acted off their own accord and you had no control over them. The tip of your first finger pressed to your lower lip and you had to take an immediate inhale as your lungs became hungry and desperate for air when the memory flooded back to you simultaneously. Daniel. His lips. The kiss.

***

Monza, Italy

September ‘23

The loud audible gasp that absconded from your open mouth came so quickly you weren’t even able to attempt to cover it up. It had been loud enough for others to hear. In fact it had been stupidly loud enough that Max’s father Jos (who was not your biggest fan) turned to glare at you as soon as it had escaped you. You felt his eyes remain on you but your own were transfixed to the screen before you. Desperate to know he was ok. Please be ok. Just get out of the fucking car. You screamed inside your own head – not daring to do it aloud in front of the elder Verstappen. You were hypnotised by the action on the screen as yellow flags were shown all around the track. The safety car was deployed and you realised you were holding your breath waiting to know he was ok.

“I’m fine. Sorry guys. I couldn’t do anything, the prick ran me wide and then I locked up.” Daniel explained. The “prick” he was referring to was your boyfriend. As they went round neck and neck into turn 2 Max stole all of the available space from Daniel and it all happened so fast you couldn’t work out what exactly had happened. Within seconds, Daniel’s car was flying off track into a techpro barrier at speed. Parts of the car went flying. His wing was broken and two tires had flown clean off. His race was over and it was Daniel’s fault. You couldn’t help but feel upset for him. He had been doing so well this weekend and upset had been caused amongst fans yesterday when Max denied him the chance of his first pole of the season. Your big stupid boyfriend scoffed at you mockingly when you had suggested he could have at least given him the glory of pole this one time. Which ok, it went against everything Max stood for and you were sure Daniel wouldn’t want a pity pole but it would be good for Max to allow others a chance sometimes. At least show the media he wasn’t some Dutch Ogre. Eyes glued to the screen you watched as finally Daniel got out of his crumpled race car and into the medical car that had gone to collect him. He didn’t look hurt. Thankfully. But from his body language you could tell he was pissed.

The decision to exit the garage and go find him came upon you before you had thoroughly worked out exactly what it was you were doing. Your feet seemed to carry you away from Red Bull and outside into the paddock without you telling them too. Ever since that night in Monaco when he said what he did – y’know, the whole what he would do to you if you hadn’t been Max’s girlfriend thing (which still made your stomach tighten into a knot just thinking about it) - you had formed a sort of weird little friendship with him. It didn’t really go anything further than what you would expect of a best friend and his mate’s girlfriend friendship to go like but there certainly was tension – sexual chemistry perhaps, it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch. There were glances and burning looks at each other. The odd smutty remark and compliment flowed freely from his lips. It only made you think of him more (of fucking him that is) and in your head you had been replacing Max with him every single time the pair of you had sex. You kept it all to yourself and played it close to your chest. You didn’t want anyone knowing you wanted nothing more than to be split in two by him. But he was flirty by nature and you knew he was most likely just trying to make you feel comfortable with him seeing as he was such a good friend to your boyfriend.

The other thing that happened to play on your mind and perhaps influence your decision to go find him was the fact that Max had told you last night Daniel’s family was supposed to be at the race weekend. As the pair of you lay in bed Max sympathised with Daniel’s disappointment – Max had always been incredible open with you about how much he struggled growing up and the poor relationship he had with his own family so it touched you he was so considerate of his friend (it even made you feel a bit ridiculous that you had been having so many dirty little thoughts over him). He seemed to genuinely care that Daniel had been saddened that an emergency had taken place back in Australia and they wouldn’t be able to make it and even though you weren’t sure how Daniel would react to the fact you knew, you wanted him to know he had an ear if he needed one.

As you walked in the direction you thought the Alpha Tauri garage was you were pleased that you had been so correct as unexpectedly he sauntered from the back of the garage. When you saw him, with his race suit pulled down dangerously low in his hips (what was it in these men walking around practically oozing sex and giving girls the fodder for totally impure thoughts about them? Your boyfriend included) you could tell from his body language he looked rather pissed. You thought this would have been a totally fruitless pursuit and he would have been tangled up in talking to those in charge of his team – or throwing your boyfriend under the bus perhaps – so you had a moment when it dawned on you that you actually hadn’t been expecting to see him at all. But now, you were committed. Even if you mind went completely blank and you couldn’t think of any sympathetic words at all.

The knock upon his driver’s room door that came from your knuckles was gentle and soft. As you stood there, growing more and more anxious, you realised that it was probably too quiet for him to hear and the idea that you could just abandon your silly little apology now before he knew about it entered your head. But as quickly as it entered your head and flew straight back out again. Instantly, the door was pulled open. The first (and only) thing that you could register in that moment was the fact that he was now topless. Daniel was sans shirt. He was half naked. His race suit remained but slung exceeding low on his exposed hips. Good fucking Lord. His warm golden chest was staring at you. The defined ripples of rock hard abs popped and bulged. Your mouth salivated. For fuck’s sake! A deep, dark throb ripped through your lower half. An ache that you knew was linked to your unforgivable horniness for this man. Self control. Don’t be fucking stupid. Max. Think of Max. You groaned internally at yourself but you knew that if only you were single this would be playing out very differently.

Just then - as you were considered the very real possibility that you were about to have an aneurism or stroke from the pure sight of Daniel semi dressed - he moved aside. The tiny head tilt he gave signalled to you that you were welcome to “come in” to his private drivers room (away from prying eyes and sharp ears). Daniel held the door open and moved aside a little for you. You almost completely blanked and if the law questioned you on the state of his room you wouldn’t be able to recall one single thing.

“I’m sorry.” You squeaked out. Play it cool. Come on. Get your shit together. “For Max. He ruined your race.” You explained. Desperately hoping it would give him the reason as to why you were there invading his personal space in such a bad moment. Daniel’s thunderous face seemed to soften right in front of your eyes. His taught muscles relaxed and eyes neutralised. A smile spread across his softened lips.

“You don’t have to do that.” He replied. “It’s just racing. There’s no harm done.” He shrugged. His neck looked even bigger, thicker than it did when he had a shirt on. You couldn’t help but admire his physic, as it was so different to what you were used to. Max was strong, broad and what you would describe as meaty. He had a bit of something to him that you could grip hold of and you loved that. But you were a woman and there was something about a man who was so well defined and ripped that just got you going. Stop it! Stop thinking about the abs! If you don’t stop now you’re going to think about him naked! FUCK SAKE!!  You couldn’t control your brain and you completely failed to control yours eyes. They flickered down. They wasted no time going straight to his crotch. He’s fucking seen that you creep. You gritted your teeth together before letting a shaky sigh leave your lips as you really didn’t want to have to look back into his mesmerising eyes now he had just seen you checking out the bulge in fabric south of his naked abdomen.

“All the same, Daniel. I’m sorry he acted like a dick out there.” You didn’t realise how soft and low your voice had gotten. Nor how strangely intimate this moment felt. Regardless of how you were feeling you didn’t feel as awkward as you thought you were. As he took steps toward you – slowly but somehow all at once – you stayed rooted to the spot and didn’t move. You let him close the small gap between your bodies and couldn’t break the bewitching spell of his gaze. The burning, intense look in his eyes made you feel weak. You almost felt like a lamb that had led itself to the slaughterhouse. The thought was still bouncing off all of the ignited neurons in your brain when you finally piped up; “I probably need to…”   

Then, as your words were cut short and the oxygen was sucked right out of your lungs, you felt yourself go lightheaded and it was as if you were falling from a 20-story building. The fact you were pressed into something cool and metallic behind you never registered. Neither did the feeling of something hard and warm pressed flush against your front. The only thing that you suddenly could think about – the only smidgen of brain function you were able to comprehend – was the fact Daniel’s mouth was on yours. His big, pouty lips embraced your own as if they had been searching for them his whole life. Then they began to move against yours and a shaky, unsteady breath flowed from his parted mouth. It was swallowed in its entirety by your own as a barely audible gasp snapped out of you. With your mouth now open – your lips parted to him, granting him unspoken access – Daniel’s tongue ran over yours in a testing, teasing motion. A moan slipped from your throat. His hands gripped at your waist before one of them trailed up and pushed its way through the hair that you had worn down because he had complimented you on your long flowing locks the last time you had seen him. You realised this was what you had been dreaming about. This was fantasy that had been playing over and over in your head for the past few months. You were getting what you wanted.

Because of all the things I would do to you, if you weren’t his. His words he had dared to speak in Monaco repeated in your head while his tongue glided across yours. He ground himself against your core and you could feel the effect you had had on him. He wanted you. It was painfully obvious he did. But the last part of the words he had spoken to you that night reiterated them self to you. If you weren’t his.

Max.

You suddenly remembered Max.

Your hands were suddenly pushing against the flesh of Daniel’s warm chest. While you tried desperately to fill your lungs with air your eyes flicked open and you were instantly staring into confused, yet still affectionate eyes.

“I can’t.” You stated plainly.

“Max.”

The next however many minutes were all a complete, total blur of which you couldn’t recount any of them at all. Your mind kept going back to Daniel and it didn’t help you could taste him on your tongue as you stomped back into the back of the Red Bull garage. What had happened was wrong. It was fucked. He had no right to kiss you like that – he had no right to kiss you at all. But you had kissed back and you only stopped because you suddenly remembered your boyfriend, not because you wholeheartedly wanted too. Fuck. I hate myself. I went too far. You slipped the headphones back on to catch the last remaining few laps of the race and reprimanded yourself while doing it. Why did I go looking for him? Did I give him the wrong signals? Fuck why couldn’t I have been single? He would have been fucking me right now if I were single. God, he’s such a good kisser. Fucking hell, he���s probably ridiculous at eating you out. The feeling of your wet – no soaking – panties that were now clinging to your dripping wet folds only helped stoke the burning desire that was growing inside of you to run back to him. You forced your attention to the screens to try quashing all of the disgusting thoughts running through your mind. As Max’s car flashed up on the screen you really did feel insurmountable guilt begin to build inside of your body. You kiss one of his best mates. You kissed someone he respected and loved like a brother. Someone he cared for. You knew Max was open-minded and he was forgiving to a fault, but you didn’t want to tell him and destroy what you had. So as you watched him cross the finish line and clinch a win in Monza, you swore never to tell him.

***

Budapest Hungary 

July '23

The scene was set. Max observed Daniel grow weary and head to their prior reserved table in the dimly lit corner of the private members bar. This was his chance, his one moment of getting him alone - away from all of the hangers on Daniel was surrounded by - to finally ask the burning question that had been playing on his own mind for months now. 

As his feet began carrying him in the direction of his favourite Formula One teammate he swallowed his own tiredness. The body aches and drained feeling from a tiring race were rippling through body and he knew Daniel would be suffering too but it didn’t distract him from what he had to do. Like a lion stalking its prey, Max stalked over to the corner and reminded himself this was what he wanted. 

Max flopped down on the plush dark cherry red velvet sofa with a low but steady sigh. He situated himself against the opposite arm to Daniel - just in case this question wouldn’t be as well received as he suspected it would be - and wondered if he should have informed you of his decision first or pushed for you to have attended this weekend so you would now be present to make things easier as he pitched the idea to his friend. But as the thought of you flooded his memory (specifically the sight you lying naked in his bed the morning he had to leave to catch an early flight) he found himself swallowing again. This time with a strange excitement that he couldn’t place but he wasted no time in dwelling upon it. 

Max felt Daniel’s eyes on him and he relaxed into the sofa. Head rolling back against it before falling in the direction of his old teammate and catching his gaze.  “I have a proposition for you.” The words came freely from Max’s lips. He found it surprising how easily they managed to flow from him. Daniel’s head tilted and his eyebrows raised. Max wondered what he must have been thinking but he was sure there was zero way it would be what was next to leave his mouth. 

“I want you fuck my girlfriend.” 

The passing seconds for Max felt light, carefree and completely relaxed while by the unsuspecting, blank look upon Daniel’s they were clouded in surprise, confusion and total shock. But the longer Daniel remained silent it only confirmed to Max what he had already known all these months. The lack of carefree laughter, quick mocking or jesting gave Daniel away. It was clear to Max that Daniel desired you in the exact same way that you desired him. He had known it for a while. He knew you harboured some dirty little fantasies (like so many other women did toward the handsome, smiling Australian) and after dwelling upon it for a few weeks he had come to the realisation he wanted you to have exactly what you wanted. He had no reason to feel intimidated or threatened by Daniel. He knew you belonged to him and he wouldn’t grudge you something you craved. And even now, as the question hung in the space between them, he was confident Daniel would give in to his obvious lust and attraction for you too. 

Just as your hidden sexual fascination had been completely obvious to him, Max noted Daniels unmistakable reciprocation. His whole behaviour and attitude around you changed and he always seemed to be trying to be careful with his words and making sure he wasn’t going overboard with his flirtatious conduct toward you. But his staring got more intense and Max couldn’t help but clock it each and every time. He noted how Daniel seemed to like being near you whenever he realised Max was just out of reach, how Daniel was always whispering in your ear when he was out of earshot and how he would bite his lip as if he was trying to hold himself back each time you would laugh. Any other man would probably have been annoyed, pissed and angry at how his best mate was hot for his girlfriend but Max wasn’t like most men. He loved you. Wholeheartedly and irrevocably. And most importantly, he trusted you completely. 

“I know you know she likes you and I’ve seen you with her, I know your moves Daniel.” It was true. Max did know all of Daniel’s moves. He had practically studied them, learned them and used them himself to pick up women.  “Mate….” On a quick, sharp exhale Daniel let out a nervous, uncertain laugh His eyes looked impossibly large as if he was concerned and worried he was about to get punched.  “Don’t worry, I’m not pissed…” Max smirked “In fact, I’m glad it’s you she’s been fantasising about and not someone else that couldn’t satisfy her. Imagine if it were Charles or worse, Lando.” Max playfully scoffed and for a moment it set Daniel at ease. 

Daniel wasn’t sure his heart had ever beaten as fast as it was since Max had asked his question. I want you to fuck my girlfriend. Those were his exact words and they kept going round and round like a funfair ride in his mind. It seemed utterly inconceivable that Max would ask a question like that. He was head over heels in love with you. Any fool could see it. 

“It’s your girlfriend….” Was all Daniel could choke out because suddenly his mind was flooded with the image of you. At first it was innocent. He simply remembered you laughing at a joke he made the last time he saw you; then what you were wearing and how good you looked in it; then how glowy and soft your skin looked as the warm sun beat down upon it; then how glossy and kissable your lips were; then he pictured you naked and then FUCK! That made it game over. 

He mentally tried to scold himself but it was no good. The sheer thought of actually getting to fuck you was too strong and if Max hadn’t suddenly begun speaking to him he would have been trying to hide his very obvious semi growing in his jeans. 

“I know and that’s why I want her to have what she wants.” The thought of his lips trailing down your chest, his tongue flicking over your pert responsive nipple, made his throat tighten. But as badly as he wanted to know what you tasted like or hear the noises you made as he made you squirm in pleasure he wasn’t sure he actually could do it. He wasn’t the type to fuck his friend’s ex let alone current girlfriend – even with permission. “Max, I couldn’t…” Daniel tried to protest and reject the idea but he was cut off mid sentence.  “Tell me you haven’t thought about it?” 

God, had he thought about it. He had thought about you. Ever since the first time he met you when you had slammed right into him, he had thought about you. He had long gone past thinking about you naked. He had already spent many nights with his hand working up and down his pulsating cock to the THOUGHT of you bare and exposed in front of him. He had got himself off in the shower when he THOUGHT of his tongue tasting the glorious wetness that pooled between your thighs. And he quickly made himself come before a race at the sheer THOUGHT of you pulsating and clenching around him as he made you come. Daniel had THOUGHT about fucking you. He THOUGHT about it a lot.

Another nervous laugh came from him as he tried to make sense of Max’s sudden, rather out of character behaviour. He was convinced Max was going to burst into a fit of laughter and expose it as only a prank but he didn’t. Max actually glared at him across the sofa as he awaited an answer. It crossed Daniel’s mind that perhaps Max was getting off on the thought of his girlfriend screwing another man and it was some sex thing – cuckholding, he thought – but Max never seemed the type.

“What’s the catch?” He finally piped up. “There isn’t one. Well, it can only happen once but other than that.” Daniel watched Max’s shoulders move up and down in a shrugging motion while Max kept a watchful eye upon Daniel’s eyes to try determine if he was interested in his smutty proposition or not. “It won’t make it weird between us?” Daniel added and Max shook his head. “Not at all.” He was so carefree about the decision to offer up his girlfriend that in the moment Daniel couldn’t believe how cool Max had become – even if it passed him only fleetingly.

“Well…” Daniel paused and thought of his word choice in how to agree to all this because he seriously thought he was actually in the twilight zone and Max had lost all of his marbles.

“Take some time. Think about it. It’s not like she’s going to go unsatisfied” Max’s voice oozed with cockiness. He knew how good he was in bed and he ALWAYS made sure she came. “If you don’t want to, if you think it’s too weird then fine, whatever, it’s cool.” Daniel once again watch Max shrug “You would regret it though….” And Max knew fine well Daniel was someone who lived without regrets.

Part 5 Here

[grubus]

for the post u made abt svsss ships, off the top of my head, shang qinghua x yue qingyuan??

*claps hands* OH YES YES!!!! Honestly you can go so many ways with this ship, it's great. I mean YQY is in charge of general affairs and SQH is in charge of logistics. Their work overlap so much if you think about it.

Now the question is if it's Airplane or Original SQH.

That switches things up a lot!

I mean, Airplane knows YQY's past. He knows how important SJ is to him! There is a great fic by Tossawary, "hey, share the weight a little" that I adore because it doesn't forget how important YQY and SJ are to each other, but it still nails early disciple days of YQY/SQH.

Personally I'm a big fan of Accidental Relationship trope or whatever you could call it. I would find it hilarious if SQH accidentally gets married or bound in some way to YQY once they are all peak lords. And he knows how to get out of it. It's just, well. Someone needs to take care of YQY! Look at him. He's for sure not taking care of himself, and SQH was always a bit soft for him. And YQY seems less upset about the relationship and more resigned to it ending.

So SQH sticks with it! And along the way he and YQY fall in love, clumsy and awkwardly, with SQQ hissing in the corner, both not wanting any part of it but still so, so suspicious of SQH and his ability to possibly hurt YQY. Angry In Law is always fun.

meanwhile original SQH and YQY.............. could be oh so tasty. I mean, a spy in charge of logistics, somehow managing to seduce the sect leader? SQH was described as a power hungry, status climbing and eager to prove himself kind of spy. He was killed by MBJ for being discovered as a spy, for losing his usefulness.

But if he ends up seducing YQY??? And maybe falling for him... ohohoho. What would he choose. Power and riches, status and strength? Or would he actually decide to be loyal to his sect, to his siblings and to Yue Qingyuan most of all? I always imagine original SQH to have kind of had a similar view on things as SJ; always assuming the worst, never be happy enough. The only difference is that SJ stews in his self-hatred, hoarding blame and hatred against him like it's a treasure. Meanwhile SQH would blame everyone else; it's not his fault everyone sucks. It's not his fault that he is part of An Ding, or that everyone looks down upon it...

hm this got away from me

anyway toxic yaoi for original SQH/YQY? Yes. Pls.

The Sweet Comfy Love of Airplane/YQY? Yes good.

Look any ship that has YQY in it is always an automatic win for me.

[jadedxhearts]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫

Your crew abandons you on an island, one that's said to have the demon of a once-legendary pirate inhabiting it. Though you never expected for the demon to desire pleasure, above all else...

Warnings: smut, demon! Law, fem reader, not proof-read.

Shivering from the breeze on the island, you frowned as you trudged on to find a spot for shelter. Your crew had laughed when you’d directed them to the island, claiming that the tales of the demon who resided on the island were childish fantasy stories. As their captain, you’d rolled your eyes and gone to the island anyway. But now- you were starting to regret that decision. 

The second you’d stepped foot onto the island, the wind seemed to change, an odd low humming sound whistling through the air. Your now ex-crew, being freaked out and panicked by the odd phenomena, threw your small amount of personal belongings off the ship, claiming you were now “cursed” and “would bring bad spirits back” if you got onto the ship again. And without another thought of you, their captain’s safety, they took off with your ship, leaving you on the lone island. 

With your items in a small pack, you continued walking, eyes scanning your surrounding area to look for anything of use. Food, a fresh water source, shelter, anything. Seeing nothing, you grumbled out curses, bad-mouthing your ex-crew to any unseen animals or spirits around. 

Finally, just as it started to rain, you came across a cave. It was an interesting cave; crystals in varying shades of blue and gold all along the top of the opening in the mountain. Deciding this was as good as you’d get for now, you dove into the cavern, escaping the worst of the weather.

Starting a fire wouldn’t be too difficult, you determined, seeing some branches and dried leaves that had blown into the cave who knows who long ago. You had some flint in your back, thankfully, so it seemed you had some luck. 

When you’d finally gotten the small fire going, you drank a small amount of water, not wanting to waste what you had. Then, you sat, alone, looking at the various crystal formations in the cave, thinking they looked incredibly pretty as they shimmered from the light of your fire. 

Then that low hum picked up again, and you were suddenly horribly aware of how alone you really were. 

“Who do you think you are, venturing into my domain, mortal?” A deep voice echoed throughout the cavern, scaring you.

Eyes widening, you flew up to your feet, head spinning in all directions, looking for whoever had just spoken to you. But there was nobody. At least, physically, there wasn’t. 

“I- my crew abandoned me here,” you managed to say, voice uneven. Your fear was evident. Not good.

“Did they now? How come?” The voice questioned.

“I… wanted to investigate the tales of this island,” you replied. “The legend of an ex-warlord, one of the most fearsome pirates, part of a no-longer existing group named ‘The Worst Generation’… his spirit is said to reside here,” you explained, then realizing something as you spoke. “That… must be you?”

There was a low chuckle, and it sent goosebumps over your skin. It was oddly delightful to hear.

“I was once a pirate named Trafalgar Law, that is true,” he told you, and you could almost hear the smirk in his tone, “but now I am nothing more than a demon. Tell me, mortal, why did you seek me?”

“I, uh…” you trailed off, not really sure, “I just… I like investigating these things. Wanted to see what was true and what was myth.”

The demon hummed, suddenly materializing before you. He wasn’t what you expected, honestly. He resembled a human, but his skin was now dark blue-ish in color, though you could barely make out black hair and regular human features on his body. He seemed to have tattoos that traveled up his form like flames, bleeding into an aura of pure darkness that surrounded him. And most of all, this demon had piercing gold eyes that seemingly glowed.

Gasping, you reflexively took a few steps back, startled by the sudden physical being in front of you. 

“Didn’t anybody tell you what really happens in my domain?” He then asked, and you could see him smirking. 

Feeling butterflies erupt in your stomach, you shook your head, voice evading you.

“When I was still a mortal being, I had a devil fruit that allowed me to cut up bodies without actually harming them,” he explained, eerily. “But here? They get chopped up and are left to die.”

Your eyes widened more, and you continued to back up, until you were met with the wall of the cavern against your back, giving you no more space to flee. 

“I… I’m sorry,” you shivered, a more urgent fear and sudden, icy chill running through you, “I meant no harm, honestly… I… I’ll do anything, please!”

“Please what?” He growled, icy finger grazing under your chin. 

“Spare me!” You cried, “I’ll stay here… doing whatever it is you can’t in an immortal form, i-in your service!”

He hummed, licking his lips. “There’s one thing that I haven’t had since being a mortal…”

“W-which is?” You stammered, hoping it wasn’t some sick desire that would result in your death.

“The pleasure of having a pretty girl like you in my… company,” he purred.

“Wh-what?” 

“The warmth of a woman’s flesh, sinfully close to me,” he clarified, closing in on you. “Only foolish, greedy men looking for my nonexistent treasures have come to this island for the last couple centuries.”

Suddenly, there were cold, ghostly hands roaming your body, running up and down your arms, gliding over your waist. Leaning into the touch, you let your head fall limp against the wall behind you, mouth agape as icy fingers tugged at your clothing. Allowing the demon once known as Law to forcefully pull your clothing off, you relaxed your body, aiding him in removing the barriers between his immortal form and your soft, warm flesh.

Now bare, you whined as the demon ran his hands over your breasts, squeezing them and rolling his thumbs over your hardened nipples. 

“Such a needy thing, aren’t you?” He teased, frosty breath landing on your ear, running down to your exposed neck. You were suddenly glad he wasn’t the type of demon with sharp teeth, as the thought of him sucking out your blood and killing you crossed your mind.

Pulling your body away from the cavern wall, the demon carried you closer to the fire, and your heart fluttered as you thought, perhaps he was trying to keep you warm? Whether it was out of kindness or because he craved to feel warm skin, you were grateful to be less cold now.

Laying you against the cool floor, the spirit grabbed your wrists, almost clawing at them as he raised them above your head, a sudden unseeable force holding them down as his hand left them, joining his other in feeling up your thighs, massaging the flesh between ghostly fingers.

“Such a pretty mortal,” he hummed, forcing your legs apart. “To think you’ll be all mine… for eternity…”

One hand slid over your cunt, feeling around your folds until his fingers pressed against your clit, the tip of one rubbing against the little bud, making your pussy begin to drip with need.

Moaning, you strained against the invisible force holding you down, your hips being the only thing that you could move up. Grinding against the demon’s hand, you cried and begged for more. 

“Please, demon,” you whined, head shaking against the ground, “take me, make me your whore for the rest of time!”

Chuckling, the demon’s breath tickled over your neck, and he bit down, licking the skin between his teeth. “As you wish, mortal.”

You weren’t sure when it’d appeared, but there was suddenly a hardened length prodding at your cunt, the demon using one hand to hold his cock, the other pulling your folds open, making your tight hole visible to him. 

The head of the length pushed into you, and you let out a gasped moan at the intrusion. Squirming, your fingernails dug into your palms, not realizing how big this demon was compared to you until now.

He continued to shove himself inside, burying his cock into your pussy, stretching you wide open. His hands grabbed at your hips, clawing into your skin and surely leaving marks, as he lifted them off the ground and pulled you flush against where his abdomen would be. Pulling back, the demon then slammed into you, rocking your entire body, extracting a pleasured-scream from your lips.

“Cry for me, mortal,” he demanded, licking your lips. “Nobody can hear you. Nobody will save you from your life as my little toy.”

Letting out the loudest moans and cries you’d ever made, the demon chuckled deeply and continued fucking into you, claiming your body as his. You clenched around him, body hot and alive under his powerful, ghostly form. He was incredibly big, reaching so far into your cunt that you could almost swear his tip was kissing your cervix, pounding into your womb.

“L-Law!” You sobbed the demon’s name, which seemed to have a powerful effect on him. Growling wildly, almost like a rabid animal, the demon’s fingers dug deeper into your skin, and he bit down on your neck, teeth bruising the skin as his tongue sucked red spots into it, marking you as his. His hips slammed into yours with such force that your whole body swayed with the thrusts. He was so strong, holding so much power over you. As your velvety walls clamped down on him, orgasm beginning, you thought he was close to killing you with how rough he fucked into you. And gods, did it feel good.

Suddenly, an odd warmth erupted in you, filling your cunt with the hot, liquidy substance that spilled from the demon’s cock. You weren’t even aware that demons could cum, but here was one, stuffing you with his seed. And it was apparently a lot, from the way more and more continued to spill into you. 

Tears slid down your cheeks, though you were certainly in no pain. You felt such euphoria, a rush of intense pleasure that had you feeling drunk, wanting even more. Mind feeling cloudy with thoughts of other ways the demon could fuck you, somewhere in the back of your head you realized there must’ve been some sort of aphrodisiac in the demon’s cum. Truly, he meant it when he’d said you’d be nothing but his whore forever. You’d forever be addicted to his touch, forever desperately needing more as the effects of his seed coursed through your veins. 

And you’d happily accepted it, drool spilling from your lips as a small smile formed on them. This was the best possible outcome to being abandoned on an island. Bound to a demon, as his dutiful mortal lover, for eternity.

[at1nys-blog]

Nap time

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x fem!reader

Summary: it doesn’t seem but Zoro is very, very much considerate

Masterlist

Having a low social battery was not something meant for a pirate, but here you were, on a ship living adventures left and right.

Taking naps around the Thousand Sunny was always a quest itself: the girl’s dorm, even tho it was the best option in reality was the worst. Luffy will barge in full force and you would fall from your hammock; Nami’s studio was very not a nice option. Yes, the woman was silent all the times but Sanji was too loud for you, waking up and making you grumpy for the rest of the day; Chopper’s infirmary? To avoid after a huge battle; the deck? Too much chaos; the garden? Unless you wanted to burn under the sun, go ahead, if not, avoid.

The only place that was a safe place was the crow nest. That part of the ship was avoided from everyone thanks to being Zoro’s place to train and nap. Sanji wouldn’t come unless to inform food was ready; Luffy and Usopp had better stuff to do downstairs, you thought they even forgot about it sometimes; Brook and Franky would be too busy with their things; Jimbe, Nami and Robin knew better to not bother you.

After a hot shower, you were ready to go and relax to your new spot. Your body was aching to lay down and sleep, your muscles so relaxed that you didn’t know how you managed to get on top without falling.

Entering the small room you were happy it wasn’t a complete mess, but again it never was when you wanted to go there. This was something that always puzzled you. Knowing Zoro this was out of his character.

You shrugged it off, too tired to think too much about it.

Checking around you found a pile of towels on the desk and you were so glad about it. Taking one, you covered the pillow and after some seconds you were gone into dreamland.

Zoro knew your current position. He had been searching for you around the Thousand Sunny to ask you something, a stupid question to be honest.

“Ohi moss head, have you asked YN what she would like for dinner?” The swordsman only shook his head no, getting a death glare from the blonde pirate. “You forgot didn’t you? Ah I always have to do things myself” before the cook could leave the kitchen Zoro stopped him by gripping the collar of his white shirt.

“I didn’t forget. She is sleeping in the crow nest” he said with his stoic voice. “And honestly, don’t you know what she likes?” The tone was more teasing this time, exposing a sensitive nerve.

Zoro spent the rest of the day training and avoiding people to bother you: he would help out Nami with folding clothes; helping Chopper reorganize his set of new medicines; threaten Usopp and Luffy every time they tried to climb to the crow nest, all this untill he thought you had rested enough to survive dinner.

He climbed up easily, used to do it on a daily basis. Opening the door he tried to be as gently as possible, to not give you a scare. Even his steps are light, something he never imagined was possible for him, but yet, here he was. Walking on eggshells to not scare you.

“Y/N” it was a whisper even if he didn’t mean to, it just came out like that. “Are you still asleep?” You shifted position, still sleeping, he took it as a yes and was going to leave when he noticed you were going to fell anytime soon.

He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t want to wake you up, but he didn’t want you to fall either. He tried is best to move you closer to the wall, but he kinda failed.

“Is dinner ready?” You asked, half asleep. Zoro thought the world stoped for a second, he hated to feel this way when it was about you. He hated how much he cared for you. He hated… “I hope Sanji remembered to not put veggies in my plate” you said standing up.

The swordsman was just able to keep silent, what was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to tell you he remembered the cook what you liked or didn’t like? The man couldn’t say a word no matter how much he tried to.

“Have you recharged or I have to stop…”

“Is okay, don’t scare Luffy away.” You stoped him and left the room before he could ask you if you were sure. “Let’s go.” You added.

Zoro came back to reality after a while, he was not catching feelings, was he? He cares for you as much as he did for the others. Okay maybe he cared a little bit more il for you but just a tiny bit. Just a bit more, maybe. He shook away the thought, following you down on deck. He was totally making sure Luffy wouldn’t bother you too much, that was a fact.

[ofmdrecaps]

12/27-31/2024 Daily OFMD Recap Part 2

TLDR; David Fane & Rachel House; Anapela Polata'ivao; Connor Barrett & Brian Gattas; Dominic Burgess; Damien Gerard; Christopher Corbin; Adopt Our Crew Lists; Articles; Fan Spotlight: Tiny Crew Big Raffle w/Lindsey Cantrell Interview and BTS; Our Flag Means Fanfiction; Love Notes;

Continuation of Part 1

= David Fane & Rachel House =

Are you in Aotearoa and want to show your support to the Maori people? Our dear Fang, David Fane (and Mary Reed, Rachel House) shared how to's on how to make a submission on the Treaty Principles Bill. Check out more at Koekoeaa's Instagram!

Source: David Fane's instagram

= Anapela Polata'ivao =

Anapela was out at PerthFest with other members of the Tinā film!

Source: Anapela's IG Stories

= Conner Barrett & Brian Gattas =

Our Hornberry and Siegfried are out and about with friends for the holidays!

Source: Brian Gattas Instagram Stories

= Dominic Burgess=

Dominic, aka Jeffrey Fettering, aka the cat-content king of social media is back with more cats!

Source: Dominic's Bsky

= Damien Gerard =

Our Father Teach is on vacation for the holidays and he sent so much love our way!

Source: Damien's Bsky

= Christopher Corbin =

So you may remember, our "We Could have Made Magic" Pirate, Christopher Corbin played santa in a an NFL ad recently. He posted the progression from Chris to Kris Kringle, and I just had to share it because it made me giggle!

Source: Christopher Corbin's instagram

== Adopt Our Crew ==

Our absolutely awesome fan crew, @adoptourcrew put together some lists regarding our dear show, and it looks like 30 different articles featured OFMD as one of the worst cancellations of 2024!

Source: Adopt Our Crew Bsky

They also put together a list of the Select 2024 Media Mentions! OFMD averaged at least one media mention per week! Holy cow!

Source: Adopt Our Crew Bsky

== Articles ==

Thank you to @adoptourcrew as always for the many articles OFMD has been featured in recently!

Source: Adopt Our Crew Instagram

Source: Adopt Our Crew Instagram

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Tiny Crew Big Raffle =

In honor of the Tiny Boats raffle, the @ofmd-buys-boats team had an Interview with our dear Set Dresser, Lindsey Cantrell! You can read the full thing on their substack-- here's a sneak preview!

They were kind enough to let me share the info here as well!

"Amy: What was your favourite set to dress? Linds: What a hard question. The favorite that first comes to mind is John Bartholomew's Captain's Quarters. The scene where Zheng Yi Sao leads a raid on Bartholomew's ship, and then convinces him to join her crew. The day we were going to shoot this scene was pulled up in the schedule, so during a few lunches and a few private rehearsals, I was brought over to the unfinished set to get my opinion on the status of its dress. What to add, where to move items, take away, etc. And it needed to get done quickly. We were pulling dressing from all over. Production Designer Ra and Art Director Troy really wanted it to be layered. They were discussing someone who'd lived in that space for ages. Our Set Dec team left the bones of it in a good place, but on the day we went to shoot it, we still scrambled a bit throwing items together for more chaos (some good ideas, some bad- ie: a stool ended up on top of a dresser?) I still love the way the lighting was shot through those windows and how it all came together. Plus, didn't that charcuterie look delicious?"

Source: OMFD Buys Boats Instagram

"Amy: Speaking of the tiny boats, we’d be remiss if we didn’t ask about them too - how did you make them and how long did it take you? I can testify from making repairs to our broken ones that they’re fiddly little things! Linds: Yes they are! The strain on my eyes that week! The bases of these tiny ships are custom lead molds created in the Propmakers Workshop. Next, painted and aged brown. Then, one by one I stabilized them and carefully drilled one tiny hole in the semi-center of each ship's base. Hoping each time that I didn't push too hard or for too long, potentially breaking through to the bottom. So I held my breath and got through all of that step. Off to the side, I had the makings for the tiny flags. I painted and aged what felt like a million toothpicks to start. Trimming off the bottoms of one end so they would sit flat inside my pre-drilled hole. I cut the different pieces of construction paper in a tiny triangle with one flat end, and put a line of glue on that side to place underneath a toothpick and rolled it over to hold. Some bits of my fingertips are definitely attached to the glue inside those tricky little flags. When my deadline was getting closer, I started to just begin placing the dried flags inside the bases the next day. Until I found some of them falling over by the time I came back from lunch. So then I realized I needed to add one tiny drop of super glue into the hole first. The final precise measure was making sure when I held the flag down to attach, that I was holding it straight up & down. Sounds easy enough, but if you're only looking at one side, you may be pushing the flag down and away. So if you check your other angles afterward, you'd notice it's leaning to that opposite side, as if the tiny ship is in a storm, someone told me. [...]"

Source: OFMD Buys Boats Instagram

Once again-- for the whole interview and additional BTS please check out their substack! Thank you so much @ofmd-buys-boats for not only giving us this wonderful gift but allowing me to share some of them as well!

= Our Flag Means Fanfiction =

Our friends over at Our Flag Means Fanfiction are looking for more co-hosts!

"Everyone is always invited to be a part of the podcast! Here are 3 ways you can be involved (if you can think of more ways, definitely share them!) 1) Narrate a fic for a minisode! Just get the author's permission first then e-mail the audiofile (mp3 or wav) to ourflagmeansfanfiction@gmail.com. Everything you send in, I will put it on the pod. 2) Want to be on an upcoming episode? Just DM here or send an email and consider yourself included the next time we record. 3) Have a group of friends and want to make your own episode? Do that! Just make your own podcast episode using zoom then send the audiofile to ourflagmeansfanfiction@gmail.com and I'll edit it (remove all the pauses, ums, and anything else you want cut out). This is an all-inclusive, open-source, podcast. Everyone who wants to be involved, can be! #ofmd#ourflagmeansdeath#fanfiction"

Source: Our Flag Means Fanfiction Instagram

The next Gay Pirate News Hour airs on Jan 4, you can check it out on the Our Flag Means Fanfiction Youtube!

Source: Our Flag Means Fanfiction Instagram

== Love Notes ==

I really am so sorry I'm so behind lovelies. I hope you all had a wonderful and restful holiday season. I'm going to share a few extra love notes tonight because I've seen some really lovely stuff the last many many days -- and I have so much to say and haven't had a way to do so.

The first I wanted to share is from TheLatestKate with the message I most want to send to all of you. This year has been a hell of a time, and you have no idea how very grateful I am that you were here to share it with me and so many others, and still are.

Source: The Latest Kate's Instagram

Life can be so damn hard and sometimes it feels like you just aren't making any progress... or your impact isn't as big as you want it to be.

I wanted to remind you though that the earth spins at 1000 miles per hour (1,600 km/hr), that's 24,000 miles per day (38625 km/day)... but sitting on it, it doesn't seem to be moving at all. Now look at it from space, and you can see it rotating, you can see the light of the sun reflecting off of it. You can see all the lights on the dark side, and the clouds, and the winds, and vastness of the oceans. That's what I see in you. That's what others see in you. We can see all the wonderful things you are, and how brightly you shine because we aren't living it second to second like you are. So please believe me when I say this-- you are capable of anything, and you are doing SO DAMN WELL despite this crazy life.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Katie Abey ☀️Angela Sandland 🧚🏻 spirituality and creativity (@happinessenchanters)

Source: Katie Abey's Instagram

Our Pirate Queen shared this one (I couldn't remember if I'd shared it before, but here it is again if so!). Your softness, your creativity, all of that is your strength and I will die on that hill.

Source: Ruibo's Instagram Stories / HopeHealingArts Instagram

Lastly, I just wanted to say thank you for being a part of this little community called the OFMD fandom. This crew is phenomenal, and it has brought out so much love and healing in me (and so many of us) this past year. You are beyond a doubt some of the kindest, most badass people on the planet, and I am so very happy I get to share what little bits of time I can with you. I am slow to respond to things right now because of how crazy life is, but please know I'm here if you need me. I want so very much to see you succeed, and grow, and bloom in this crazy messed up world we live in. You are the change, and the softness this world needs, and I believe whole heartedly that each time you are kind to someone, you emit a wave of change that makes the world a better place. Rest up lovelies. Happy New Year <3

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by bailey (@anxiety.positive)

Source: Anxiety Positive's Instagram

[yamujiburo]

✨YAMUJIBURO F.A.Q.✨

Should've made this a while ago! I'm starting to get a lot of the same questions in my inbox nowadays tho and I feel bad for clogging up y'all's timelines with the same questions haha

GENERAL QUESTIONS

Who are you?

I'm Kiana, I'm a queer, Japanese Jamaican woman, and a Director/Storyboard artist at Disney Television Animation.

What are your pronouns

I usually go by she/her but I don't really mind any pronouns~

Where did you go to school?

California College of the Arts (but I dropped out when I was hired at Disney)

How did you get hired at Disney?

My bosses found me on twitter through my Team Rocket fanart. They liked my drawing style and asked if I wanted to take a storyboard test. I did, I passed, I got interviewed and moved to LA two weeks later to start storyboarding.

Is this a repost blog??

No, you might know be better as @kianamaiart. This is just my Pokémon sideblog where I post exclusively (for the most part) Team Rocket and Pokémon art.

What does your username mean?

It's a combination of the main 4 Team Rocket members' Japanese names: Yamato (cassidy), Musashi (jessie), Kojiro (james), Kosaburo (butch)

What program and brush do you use to draw?

Default brush in Storyboard pro

**************************************

GENERAL POKEMON QUESTIONS

Who's your favorite Pokémon?

What are your favorite ships?

Any ship with Jessie. Yamushipping, Rocketshipping and Hanamusashipping are my top three!

Who do you ship Ash with?

I was a big Pokéshipper when I was younger but nowadays don't really feel strongly about any of the ships involving the kid characters. I'm also in the "Ash is aroace" camp.

Do you have any trans headcanons?

You can find em here along with other headcanons! It should be noted that I don't usually marry myself to one hc (unless it's for a specific AU I'm trying to build out) and love seeing various interpretations of a character! Trans woman Jessie, Trans woman James, Trans man James, Genderfluid Jessie, give em to me!

Do you play the games?

I've played all the mainline Pokémon games and very much enjoy them! But I am much more invested in the anime and the characters in the anime.

**************************************

HANAMUSA AU QUESTIONS

Where can I read all the comics in order?

Here! I update anytime I make a new comic and list them in chronological order (since I just draw comics at random points in the timeline as they interest me). This post also already answers some of the frequently asked questions about this AU like: How did Jessie and Delia meet? What are James and Meowth up to? How old are Jessie and Delia? etc.

What does "Hanamusa" mean?

Hanamusa is a combination of Delia and Jessie's Japanese names, Hanako and Musashi respectively.

When does this AU take place?

It takes place sometime after the Mezase Pokémon Master/To Be a Pokémon Master series. So all the events that happened in the series, unless retconned within the series, happened. Ash is 10 at the start of the comics.

What's the status between Jessie, James, Meowth and Giovanni/Team Rocket?

Not great terms since they were fired, but also not the worst terms. Giovanni just let the three of them go without any further issues. I will say that I've always loved the theory that Giovanni keeps Jessie specifically around because of her parentage and he as a soft spot for her that he keeps a secret. I feel like Matori was the one that got the three of them fired and Giovanni wasn't able to make an excuse for them this time (without showing nepotism/special treatment) so he was forced to let them go.

If you headcanon Delia as a lesbian, how did Ash come to be?

Delia was young when she had Ash and I hc that she just didn’t really explore her sexuality much! I myself didn’t realized I liked women until I was 18 and didn’t know I liked ONLY women until like 2 years ago. She got married, had a baby and realized after her husband left that she liked women (trans people exist obviously but I’m also interpreting Ash’s father as a cis man).

Who do you think Ash’s dad is?

I don’t know and I don’t really care to explore it. I’m going off of the novel interpretation that he’s just a deadbeat that left to be a trainer, failed and never came back because of the shame. He’s not important.

Isn’t Giovanni Ash’s dad?

That’s a common misconception that people remember wrong from the Pokémon Live show. Delia mentions she dated Giovanni but then left him and his gang after meeting Ash’s father. I also don’t consider the live show canon personally! I follow The Birth of Mewtwo timeline where Madame Boss founded Team Rocket.

Do you think Delia and Giovanni dated at least?

Nah, I think he’s too old for her? I always got the vibe from The Birth of Mewtwo that he was quite a bit older than Jessie and it’d be sus if he was dating Delia when she was married to, and had a child with her husband at 18/19. He’s a bad guy but not a BAD guy.

You mentioned you still ship Jessie and James. Why not make a Jessie, James, Delia polycule?

I have a few reasons I’ve mentioned before! 1. I’m in super deep with this AU already and I feel it’d be very confusing for casual viewers of my stuff if James was added into the relationship haha. 2. I’ve drawn Jessie and James together since 2011 and took this AU as an opportunity to try my hand at writing them as queer, platonic besties bc I love that interpretation of them a lot as well. 3. I’m not poly myself and the way I write this ship is largely based off of my experiences with my girlfriend. I just know I’d favor the Jessie/Delia of it all which isn’t fair and not a good interpretation of a poly relationship. All that said, I DO super enjoy seeing peoples’ poly headcanons and art!

Who does James end up with in this AU?

No one. He's aroace and is happy to be single

Do Jessie and James have all their Pokémon in this AU

I think they have all the Pokémon that they did by the end of Mezase Pokémon Master (all their Pokémon that were left at HQ). Most of their released Pokémon have stayed released and the Alola Pokémon are still in Alola. I bring back Arbok and Weezing post-Jessie and Delia getting married. I may bring back Chimecho, Growlie and Cacnea if I think of an idea I like!

What are Meowth and James up to in this AU?

Hop back to the top of this post under the "Where to Start" section. All your questions will be answered.

Does Ash travel with anyone at this point of his life?

I don't have anyone in particular in mind! I could see him making new friends (Nemona???) or traveling with different combinations of old friends. Like him, Misty and Goh, him, Dawn and Cilan, him, Serena and Lillie etc.

Will Delia ever get over her phobia of snake Pokémon

Not fully! I think overcoming fears is fine and good but I think real PHOBIAS are much harder to get past and I don't want to cheapen it. She slowly gets used to Jessie's Seviper specifically and gets to the point where she can pet it comfortably with Jessie in the room. But otherwise, still scared and would need that same amount of time per Pokémon

Is Jessie gaining weight or is it just me?

Not just you! Jessie puts on a bit of relationship weight overtime as you'll see in the later comics in the timeline. Jessie grew in poverty, never knowing when her next meal would be and that continued into her life as a Team Rocket member. Once she was able to settle down (with a woman who runs her own restaurant no less) she's able to live a healthier lifestyle with regular meals and puts on some weight because of that.

Does Jessie ever feel self conscious about gaining weight?

Nope! She feels happier and healthier and hotter. She's also unreasonably excited to clear out her old clothes and get a new wardrobe.

Would Jessie and Delia ever have kids together or adopt?

Nah, Ash is enough for them! I have come up with hypothetical kids for them but they're not canon to this AU. Just a fun little thing for me.

Will you ever put this on webtoon?

Nah. People mostly ask me this because they want to read everything in the order of the timeline but to my knowledge, you can’t reorder chapters or installments which would defeat the purpose. I also don’t think nintendo fan stuff would fly there. Also, also it’s just extra work and another place to upload and I want to keep this all fun for myself~

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 32

Chapter 32 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Buck wakes up to find no one except Chris and Eddie in his hospital room, the more time passes, the more he questions why no one else is there. Eddie has to explain what went down while he was out, before another bombshell is dropped on them.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn)

Warnings: ableism mention, emotionally abusive parents mention, insecurity, self loathing, injury, homophobia mention, referenced near death experience

~~~

Chapter 32: Breaking the News

Buck feels groggy and bone tired as he tries to pull himself to consciousness. A part of his brain registers beeping and the sterile smell of a hospital – which he is very familiar with due to the line of work he’s in, his kid and the injury prone people he surrounds himself with – but it’s not yet connecting that to what that might mean.

He is yanked out of his limbo by Chris, who half clambers on top of him as he yells: “Papi! You’re awake!”

Behind him, he can hear Eddie call out: “Mijo, be careful! He’s hurt,” while Buck fully opens his eyes and clicks the pieces together that he’s in the hospital, because he’s hurt.

Once he has the realization that he’s injured, the dull ache that comes with being medicated hits him with full force. He hasn’t been in a hospital like this since he was a teen, but he still knows the feeling well and gathers that he’s broken a bone at least.

With momentous effort he moves his arm, hugging Chris to his chest as he lazily croaks: “Hey, buddy.”

“You’ve been asleep for forever,” Chris complains. “It was so boring.”

“Because he had to rest,” Eddie explains, with a gentle tone that informs Buck he’s explained it a hundred times before, as he appears on Buck’s other side. He holds a glass of water so Buck can drink with a: “Here.”

“Thanks,” Buck smiles, taking a sip. He knows that he got stuck under that engine, but he barely remembers anything after he was pulled out from under it, except the blinding pain. He desperately wants to know what happened, but he doesn’t want to traumatize Chris by asking.

Oblivious to his inner turmoil, Chris happily says: “But he’s done resting now, right?”

Eddie, however, is a little more in tune with Buck, so he says: “Well, he’s not done resting, but he can be awake for a little bit. But he’d probably like a snack for breakfast, so why don’t you and Carla go pick out a chocolate bar for him?”

Chris pulls a thinking face for a moment, considering the request from his perch on the bed next to Buck. On the one hand, picking out a chocolate bar is fun and a highly important task to a seven year old, on the other hand, he doesn’t want to leave Buck’s side.

Buck’s heart melts a little and under different circumstances, he would have loved nothing more than to keep Chris there, but he does really want to know the verdict. So, to encourage Chris, he says: “You know daddy has horrible breakfast taste.”

That makes Chris giggle and he whispers way too loud to actually be a whisper: “He does, he wanted a Bounty.”

“Oh, that is bad,” Buck agrees, pulling a face, wanting to muffle his laughter and failing.

“Yeah, yeah, I can hear you,” Eddie mock complains, as he moves to lift Chris off the bed. “Go have better taste than me, huh, buddy.”

“Don’t worry, daddy, I’ll find you something better too,” Chris informs him cheerily with a bit of little shit thrown in, before he and Carla leave the room.

For a second, Buck meets Eddie’s eyes, the two of them sharing a fond smile at Chris’s antics, before reality sets in again. Scared and tentative, Buck says: “I, uh- I remember it being bad. What did the doctors say?”

Eddie hesitates for a second. Eddie never hesitates like that, so Buck braces for the worst. “Uhm, well, you’re now the proud owner of one titanium rod and four cobalt-chromed screws. Surgery went okay for how you were looking coming in. They’re expecting you to walk again.”

Relief washes over him, mixing in with confusion. “But that’s great, right? Why are you still looking like you got sentenced to the gallows?”

“It got pretty close for a second there,” Eddie admits, looking shaken. The only time he ever looked like that is the day Buck met him at the Johnson farm. Softly he says: “They nearly amputated, you’re gonna have chronic pain for the rest of the life. You’re gonna walk, but they’re not sure if you’re gonna work, Buck.”

“Wh- What?” Buck chokes as he struggles to place the information.

Remembering the accident, he knew it was bad, I mean, he got tossed out of an exploding fire engine that then landed on him. He assumed it would be bad, further confirmed by Eddie sending Chris away to break the news, but that… that is a lot.

He’s been in a lot of accidents, but he’s always come out unscathed. It’s ridiculous with the line of work he’s in, with what he sees every day, but a part of him never believed something truly bad could actually happen to him, yet here he is, faced with the reality that that just isn’t how the world works.

If he’s honest with himself, it’s not even the chronic pain part or the nearly amputated that gets to him. He knows that chronic pain is nothing to sniff at, and he’s absolutely not looking forward to figuring out how bad it’s going to get, and while loosing a leg would have been a massive adjustment, it’s not the end of the world. No, what gets to him is that they’re not sure he’s gonna work again.

When Eddie says it, he knows it’s about firefighting. Both of them know that this is his job. He might have only started because it was the best option with his level of education and the income they needed, but he fell in love with it.

Buck is a firefighter to the core.

It’s not as if he’s only a firefighter of course, he’s a father, a brother, a friend, even a husband – though he tries not to think about the last one too much, because it always messes with his heart – but those are personal. In his profession, a firefighter is all he wants to be.

But just because he wants to be that, doesn’t mean he’ll get to. The doctors aren’t sure he’s going to work again. If he wants to be a firefighter, he’ll need to re-certify after an injury like this and he might never make the cut again.

Then he’ll have to find another job. A new job. A job he’ll probably hate, or at least won’t be as good as what he has now. He’s done it before, many times already, but the thought alone is still enough to make him feel ill.

“Hey, don’t- don’t do that. They’re not sure, with your stubbornness, who knows what will happen,” Eddie snaps him back to the room. It’s a little stilted and stunted, but he means it.

Buck is sure his eyes are still devastated, but he manages a watery smile: “Yeah, you’re right. I mean, we’re practically PT experts at this point, right?”

“Yeah, Chris is already excited about giving you all the tips.” There is a clear relief in Eddie’s voice when Buck reacts like that instead of breaking down into tears, something Buck would make fun of him for just a little, if he weren’t still feeling so fragile.

“Can’t wait,” he says, trying to mean it and semi-succeeding.

Before they can get into it more, Chris and Carla return triumphantly with arms full of vending machine snacks. The second he sees him, his enthusiasm and smile become real. “Oh wow, Superman, that’s quite the haul. Lemme figure out these buttons so I can sit up.”

Chris proudly shows off the candy and chocolate, going into great detail about why he chose the things he did. Buck has never found any other talk more interesting than this one. Whatever will happen with his job, this at least, will still be here. He won’t lose his family.

He eats his chocolate bar with Chris squeezed in beside him. He still feels a little groggy and maybe a little scared too, but he’s managing pretty well all things considered.

After a bit a doctor comes by to check on him. He doesn’t know her, but Eddie seems like he does, giving her an awkward half smile. When Buck sees that he quirks a brow at him, curious why she’s getting that reaction, but Eddie only gives him a shake of the head, before he nods to tell Buck he needs to pay attention to what she’s doing.

Then Eddie quickly leaves the room with Chris for a bathroom trip and a coffee run. Tea for Buck, since he’s not allowed coffee yet.

When the doctor is gone, Buck asks Carla: “What was up between Eddie and the doctor?” He can’t imagine what would make Eddie uncomfortable like that. Maybe he flirted with her? Or vise versa and it didn’t go well? But that seems out of character. Still, it’s not entirely unplausible and the thought knots his stomach.

“I wasn’t there for it, but when she came to break the news about you, it got ugly in the waiting room, especially when she suggested they’d amputate,” Carla tells him.

Not what he expected, but better than he feared. Eddie was probably upset at the thought or something, or angry on his behalf that this was his fate and now likely feels awkward about what was a messy altercation about it. The thought makes him feel warm and his stomach untangles itself.

He smiles at Eddie when he comes back into the room. Eddie studies him for a second, before deciding it looks genuine and he returns the smile. As always, the sight of that smile makes Buck’s heart flip and he hates the heartbeat monitor he’s hooked up with for giving that away as he blushes and quickly focuses on Chris to avoid having to look at Eddie.

Some awkwardness keeps lingering and Buck focuses primarily on Chris as to not talk about it. He also naps some here and there, which is still very boring according to Chris, but he lets him doze. At some point, Carla leaves and a bit later Buck gets an actual meal in the form of lunch.

By the time lunch is gone and the afternoon is creeping in, he finds himself wondering where Maddie is. He can understand she had to work or organize her own stuff in the morning. He also didn’t show up until the afternoon when she was in the LA hospital after Doug, but it’s already getting late and he hasn’t heard from her at all.

The others not being there is also a little weird, but they have their own families to go home to after being in an explosion and maybe there is paperwork to be done around the incident or something. So, he doesn’t question them not being there, while Eddie is (the thought of Eddie and Chris not being there never even crossed his mind). But Maddie’s absence is weird.

So, he asks: “Where’s Maddie? I half thought she would have been hovering already.”

The joke is to cover the hurt. He can’t remember a serious injury Maddie wasn’t there for. It’s how it’s supposed to go, her being there because he got hurt. He half expected the others there too, everyone waited for Chim to wake up. Maybe his injury wasn’t serious enough? Was that it? It felt serious, but comparatively, he might be blowing it out of proportion? It’s just a broken leg after all, they see worse every day, no matter how scared he’d been at the time.

That is before he sees Eddie’s face. It shutters for a second, pain being reflected in those beautiful eyes of his, before they become blank. He tugs Chris onto his lap and seems way more interested in adjusting him than looking at Buck as he says: “She had to go home. They were all there until you got out of surgery, but there was an explosion, you know. They went home to rest. Athena said she’d and Bobby would come by later. So did Hen.”

It’s a weak excuse and Eddie’s heart isn’t in it. Buck can easily make out that there is something wrong, very wrong. A bit sharper, he asks: “Eddie, what happened?”

Eddie stares at the top of Chris’s head for a moment, as if that will change anything. Chris just looks confused, eyes flicking from Buck to Eddie, then back. If Buck had known it would be a serious conversation, he wouldn’t have started it in front of him, but he’s started it and now that he knows there is information to know – information to explain why no one is there – he is desperate to know.

When the silence drags on and Eddie figures out Buck isn’t going to break it, he finally looks up and says: “I’m your medical next of kin, Buck. I got to make the call on what happened to you when you were in surgery. Maddie wanted to make a different call, but as your husband, my opinion was the only one that counted. Everyone was there for that conversation.”

He brings it delicately enough that Chris doesn’t pick up on the intricacies, but with enough clarity that Buck immediately knows what happened; they’re busted.

“Oh. That’s not good.”

Eddie laughs humorlessly. “Yeah, you can say that. Bobby, uhm- he wasn’t pleased. He has to appear in front of the LAFD brass today. He’s still waiting on the verdict of his suspension and now this has come on top of it.”

Buck’s heart sinks at the news. Both knew they were taking a risk when they started lying at work, but that was always meant to be just the two of them, who were taking that risk. Now it’s the whole station, especially Bobby, that are jeopardized. No wonder no one is there, he’s about to lose them all their jobs.

The thought of everyone turning against him, against them, makes him paralyzed with fear. He loves the 118, the family he made there. Sure, he had tía Pepa and Abuela, but they have always been Eddie’s side of the family, in a way, the 118 was his side, before he had Maddie.

But now he has neither.

A part of him can’t help but be incredibly disappointed that this was what was too much for Maddie, that this is what made her run. Again.

Buck knows that they hadn’t spoken in years before she came back into his life and that they’ve had their ups and downs. They promised no more lies and Buck broke that. He broke the trust they had just rebuilt, but he at least expected her to be here to yell at him about it. Not this.

He is crushed. He fucked it all up. He just got her back and now he’s pushed her away. All he wanted to do was spare her the headache of keeping the secret, but now it’s out in the open and he lost her.

However, he can’t feel like that right now. There is still a chance he can make it right with Maddie, explain his side, grovel, apologize, try to make it up to her. He doesn’t know if he can make it up to the others, but he has hope about maybe Maddie and that is something he needs to cling to, because he can’t break down when Chris is right there.

So, he plasters on a grin and says: “Well, hopefully our news heroics swing it in our favor. I remember the cameras, do you think they got my good side?”

For a moment Eddie looks as if he can’t believe Buck just said that with all the deep shit they’re in, which gets wiped off and replaced with understanding the second Chris giggles. “Of course it will, papi, you’re the best heroes.”

“Ahw, thank you, Superman,” Buck smiles, the expression feeling more real and less strained. “Want to show me the drawing you’ve been working on?”

Chris happily clambers off Eddie’s lap to return to his place on Buck’s bed to show him his drawing. Meanwhile Eddie gets up to stare out of the window. Buck wishes he could make it better, but he can’t do anything from his place in the hospital bed. All they can do is wait until they get word from the brass. If Eddie feels the need to brood while they wait, he can brood.

They have to leave when the night comes, but Eddie promises he and Chris will be back the next day, so he won’t be alone. Eddie offers to ask for a cot so they can stay there, but Buck tells him to go home. Chris being properly supported while he sleeps is more important than Buck’s abandonment issues.

The next day, tía Pepa comes by too. When she comes into his room she claps her hand over her mouth as tears spring into her eyes, then she rushes forward to give him a big hug. “Oh, Buck. Are they feeding you well in here? I’ll make you some food.”

“Thank you, tía Pepa,” Buck smiles, melting into the hug. “But I’m fine, I promise. I’m gonna be out of here soon. Probably today or tomorrow.” Then he remembers he likely can’t cook when he gets back, so Eddie is on chef duty. “But maybe some food would be nice for when I get discharged.”

“I’ll make sure to bring some by when Eddie springs you,” Pepa tells him with a wink. She also knows whose cooking he’s going to be stuck with.

Chris is also excited to see his tía. Buck doesn’t know whether it’s good or bad thing that Chris feels comfortable enough in hospitals to treat this as normal. With how Eddie danced around his prognosis when Chris was in the room, he thinks Eddie shielded him from how bad Buck got hurt and how close it got. So, he probably doesn’t even realize how serious this could be.

He puts it out of his mind for now, just like he puts the lack of other visitors, lack of messages and cards or flowers, out of his mind. He has Chris and Eddie. That’s all he had for a long time and that’s enough. It has to be. It is. …Only he also misses what he had. Just a little.

Still, worrying about that seems practically inconsequential when two uniformed LAFD officers enter his hospital room. The first one identifies himself: “Firefighter Buckley, Probationary Firefighter Diaz, I’m the Chief of Staff for the LAFD, Mike Brandson, my colleague here is the Deputy Chief from HR, Miranda Halleway.”

“I’ll take Chris for a moment,” Pepa says, whisking a confused Chris away with a small frown and short: “Bye, daddy, bye papi.”

Both Buck and Eddie say bye back, because it’s important in their family to say bye. Even if both of them internally wince, because that’s not a good look for them, which is confirmed by raised eyebrows they get from Brandson and Halleway.

“We have been informed by Captain Nash that the two of you are married, but have failed to file the appropriate paperwork that would potentially allow the two of you to work together, instead choosing to lie to the department, creating an unassessed safety risk and liability in the meantime,” Brandson starts.

He levels both of them with a stern look and Buck feels a despair grip at his throat. This is already not sounding great for them.

“However, when informing us of this, Captain Nash imparted on us that this is because the two of you are not actually together,” Brandson continues. “Further clarification was not given, so we would like to know exactly what was meant by that.”

Room to explain and share their side. Neither of them had expected that and they share a quick look, before Eddie gestures to Buck to explain.

“Well, I met Eddie when I was living in El Paso in 2015, it was. I knew his ex-wife and had met Chris while he was with the army the year before. We didn’t speak much at first, but then Shannon left, signing over custody to Eddie. It’s a lot to suddenly do it alone, so I offered to help,” Buck explains. “I worked days, Eddie nights. Just friends, but co-parenting. Then Chris needed two surgeries and PT is expensive. Eddie needed to sign up for another tour to get the bills paid, but then he’d have to leave Chris with his parents and he didn’t want that.”

“Might I ask why you didn’t want that, Mr. Diaz?” Halleway cuts in, directing the question to Eddie, who’s been quietly nodding along.

Eddie’s mouth tightens into a line, before he tells them the harsh truth Buck doesn’t think he ever even admitted to himself out loud like this. “Because they’re overbearing and baby Chris to the point of debilitating him further. I want my kid to be healthy, Deputy Chief. I want him to have as much independence as he can. And I wanted to get him back when I got home. I know what they say about teen parents, but I love that kid like crazy, okay? I don’t want to lose him.”

Halleway nods, writing something down on a notepad. Neither of them know if that’s good. Buck wants to check in with Eddie after that confession, but he’s staring out of the window again, arms crossed and shoulders tight.

Buck decides to tell the story further. “Uhm, yeah, that. So, I offered to adopt Chris, you know. Take care of him while Eddie was away until he could come back and we could do it together again. He was already kind of my son too at that point.”

“And you don’t find that an offer that is unusually close for just two friends?” Halleway asks.

“No!” Buck frowns, slightly offended she’d ask that. “I like helping people, it’s one of the reasons I became a firefighter. Eddie became family, as did Chris. I didn’t have anyone back then. Maddie, my sister, only got back into my life late last year after not speaking to her since I was nineteen and I still haven’t spoken to my parents since then. Of course I was going to offer to help.”

Halleway gives him a skeptical look, but writes something down again, before asking: “And how did marriage come into play?”

“The easiest and fastest way to adopt a kid is through stepparent adoption,” Buck shrugs. “It’s not like either of us had anyone we wanted to marry, so it made sense with the time frame we had. It was convenient, nothing more. Eddie got hurt in the army, he could stay on my income while he recovered, as could Chris. Tax breaks are nice and we’re good friends. Best friends. Our plan has always been to divorce when we found someone to settle with, but we just haven’t met anyone yet.”

At that Halleway makes a soft humming sound. “So why didn’t you inform Captain Nash or the LAFD that you were married to each other?”

“You don’t have to declare marital status,” Buck tells her, a little annoyed at her attitude. “It’s part of the anti-discrimination laws. I didn’t want to have my on paper gay marriage there when I didn’t even know who I was going to be working under. Not to mention that it wasn’t a traditional marriage out of love. I am single, just legally married.”

“And when the two of you decided to lie to work together? According to Captain Nash, everyone at the 118 was under the impression, the two of you met last year at the station.”

“That might have been a bad call on our part. But our situation is complicated to explain and it’s a hassle to make people understand. It would be easier to not have to do it, but when you say you know each other, people wonder what from. We lied, because it was easier.”

“Without thinking to file a fraternization papers?”

“Why would we? We weren’t dating. Look, the two of us working together isn’t any different than other friends working together. And friends are allowed to work together, every day. We didn’t feel the need to file those papers, because they aren’t true for us now and they weren’t true for us when we started working there.” He and Eddie aren’t dating, no matter how much Buck wishes they were sometimes. They’re just married.

“Would you not state that the two of you have a connection that are different from best friends. The two of your are co-parents, are you not?”

“We are,” Buck confirms and Eddie nods sharply. “But the fraternization papers are specifically about dating a coworker, there are no specifications about raising a kid together. Are divorced couples with kids meant to file those papers? What about foster parents, who happen to get custody over the child of a coworker? There are no clear specifications, we didn’t file, because from what we could see, they didn’t apply.”

He’s gaining steam now and goes on: “Not informing anyone that we had a legal connection might not have been the best call, but it wasn’t illegal. And looking at our record, you can see that we never prioritized each other on calls. We have remained professional at the job and left our private life at home, that’s not a crime. The people we work with every single day, didn’t pick up on anything weird about our conduct on the job, until I was hospitalized and Eddie had to make a medical decision for me.”

It’s quiet for a second, then Halleway clears her throat and asks: “Do you have anything to add to Mr. Buckley’s words, Mr. Diaz?”

“No, uh, I think he said all that needed to be said,” Eddie says.

“Thank you gentlemen,” Brandson nods.

“So what will happen now?” Buck asks.

“Well, after your public injury, we won’t cut you loose, Mr. Buckley. You’re put on paid medical leave for the time being, while we investigate your claims further. There likely will be a verdict on whether or not there will be any disciplinary actions, before you’re fit to return,” Brandson tells him and Buck doesn’t inform him that he might never return.

“And what about me?” Eddie asks.

“You’re being suspended without pay, Mr. Diaz. For the coming three weeks at least while we determine whether you can continue to finish your probationary year at the LAFD.”

With that, the two LAFD officers shake their hands and say their goodbyes, before leaving Buck and Eddie in the hospital room, shaken and with an unsure future hanging over their heads.

~~

A/N:

If I look like I know how the LAFD works, I regret to inform you that I do not. Here we live of fanfic vibes, so do not take this as anything but my plot convenient whimsy! :D

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - healing and closure part one

Masterlist - part thirteen

Summary: In the aftermath of the battle, some tensions are high, and the Sullys have to learn how to let go.

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 6k+

Warnings: canon-compliant, mature language, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, rushed, time skips, fluff, angst, major character death, child endangerment, etc.

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31

A/N: As Anakin Skywalker once said, "This is where the fun begins." 😈

I had to split this chapter into two parts because it was getting to be over 15k words... so expect the second one soon!

Smoke continued to fill the air well into the new day after the eclipse was spent in nothing but war and bloodshed. Ronal could still smell it all in her nose, making her stomach churn but she stomped down her disgust and continued her duties as tsahik. While the Sully family sat around their dead son and brother, quiet and in shock, too tired to move from their spots on the rock surface, she tended to any of their treatable wounds. For the most part, Toruk Makto was the worst out of all of them, with several cuts and bruises littered across his face and body, likely sporting broken ribs on top of that. He insisted on waiting for Ronal to heal him, however, in exchange for his daughter and his sister to be treated before him.

Young Kiri had knife marks on her neck and when Ronal provided a salve, the young girl reverted to her own healing knowledge as a tsakaremand treated the wound herself without saying a word. Meanwhile, Makayla was sporting matching knife wounds on her neck, a bruised tswin, as well as a cut-up, twisted ankle. Ronal took her time treating the female avatar, using long, leisurely strokes of her fingers along Kayla's throat, spreading the salve across the thin slice. She did her best to be gentle around Kayla's queue braid, prodding gently around the base at the back of her skull. Kayla never spoke a word, shivering under Ronal's touch and simply nodding her head in gratitude once the tsahik finally wrapped her foot up. Ronal nods her head in return and moves away to treat Jakesully.

He had placed himself beside his sister while Ronal tended to her, and when it was his turn to be inspected for injuries, he took the time to explain to Kayla everything that happened and filled her in on moments she missed during the fight. Ronal wasn't fluent in the Sky People's language, but she caught a name called 'Quaritch' falling from Toruk Makto's mouth, and the word 'dead' followed it.

"He's gone," Jake told Kayla grimly, "I made sure of it."

"Alright," his sister croaked quietly, her voice shot from all the screaming and crying she had done throughout the whole battle. She didn't say anything else.

Meanwhile, Kiri and Lo'ak were gathered around Spider, listening to him as the human boy told his friends what had happened to him after Quaritch captured him. It was clear that he was leaving some parts out and simplifying certain moments, but neither of the Sully siblings questioned it, knowing that it had been a long, trying day and everyone was exhausted. Kiri and Lo'ak will eventually want to learn every little thing that happened to their friend but today was not one of those days. Those kids had been through enough as of late.

Spider informed Jake and Kayla of the more important details of his escapades, mentioning one of his masks had a tracker in it, but he wasn't sure if the exo-pack that had been thrown to him while abandoning the sinking ship had one as well. Jake and Kayla exchange a silent look between siblings and already, they were making plans for any upcoming battles, reverting to their old, military ways and as children of war.

Once Ronal appeared satisfied with everyone's wounds, she carefully stood up and returned to Tonowari and their children, who had stood off to the side to give the Sullys their respective space, "I have done all that I can from here, but I will need to tend to the rest of our people, and preferably from the healing huts where I have all of my supplies."

Tonowari nods in agreement before turning his eyes to Jake, who meets his gaze as the chief gently speaks, "We must return to the village to tend to our wounded and mourn our losses."

Jake gives Tonowari a solemn nod, two fathers who were exhausted both physically and mentally, drained from what they endured trying to protect their families. With very few words, Tonowari gathered his wife and children to follow him back into the water, but not without some tear-filled expressions as Tsireya and Ao'nung were hesitant to leave their friends in their sorrow. Rotxo appeared to be their voice of reason until finally, the three reef children dove back into the ocean to summon their ilu.

Toruk Makto watches the olo'eyktan and his family leave before turning to his own wife and children, "We should head back, too. Let's go, everyone."

Neytiri merely nods, her silence holding a heavy chill throughout the whole family. Her eyes stared off into the distance, far away from her mind while still holding onto Neteyam with all the strength she still had left. It was only after Jake bent down to pick up their son's body that she was able to shakily stand herself, letting go of Neteyam's cold hand in exchange for Tuk's warm, little one.

Kiri and Lo'ak stood once their mother did so, the latter of the two beckoning their human friend to follow them, "Come on, Spider."

Spider nods and dutifully stands, only to freeze right in his tracks when Neytiri's yellow eyes flick onto him. The entire family froze alongside him, watching Neytiri with caution as if the scene where she held a knife to Spider was still fresh in the back of their minds. Only Lo'ak seemed to be confused, looking around at his family after they had all appeared to turn to stone the moment Spider moved. Spider visibly stopped breathing, a small wave of fear returning when those same eyes he had witnessed become unhinged and animalistic continued to size him up. Neytiri didn't appear as threatening as before, however, now more defeated than enraged in the heat of battle and after the loss of her child. Before, she looked at Spider as a means of killing Quaritch's spirit in exchange for Neteyam's death and Kiri's freedom. Now, she looked at the human boy as if he was a dead pest left in front of her marui.

When Neytiri finally spoke, her voice was no better than Kayla's, hoarse and broken, but still capable of stabbing Spider in the chest like ice, "No. We cannot take him back to the village, or we risk giving away the Metkayina's home to the Sky People."

Lo'ak reared back at his mother's words, immediately defensive, "What are you talking about?"

"We can't just leave him here." Tuk whimpered.

"And we cannot bring him back to the village," Neytiri told her children firmly, still glaring down at Spider, "Or we risk him telling those demons where we are."

"Neytiri--"

Jake's word of warning is interrupted by none other than Spider, the teen's words falling out of his mouth before he could stop them, "Why would you believe I'd do that?"

The world stills and the Sullys are just as equally shocked by him speaking up against Neytiri of all people before he continued without much thought, hurt by her accusation after everything he's been through for her family, "What have I ever done to make you believe I would betray the Na'vi?"

Her yellow eyes simply narrowed, "You've been the demons' prisoner for so long. We don't know what you told them."

"I didn't tell them anything!" He shouts back, but not to be angry or feared. His shout was broken as if he was crying and begging. He was shouting to be heard, to be seen, "I never cracked!"

"Why were they flying ikran?" Neytiri argues back with nothing but more accusations, "Who showed them how?"

"I was buying time for someone to save me!"

"Why would we? You were finally with your own kind!" She shrieked, drawing Spider to pull away and full-body flinch.

"Mom, stop it!" Kiri cried out.

Jake tries reaching out for his wife, "Neytiri..."

Her own yelling had triggered the tears of anguish to return, Neytiri's eyes immediately spilling her grief once more as she looked back at her husband. Jake froze where he stood, feeling as though he was brought back in time as he stared at the same expression Neytiri bore when she first lost her father and Hometree all those years ago, forcing Jake to be reminded of his past mistakes, 

"These demons..." she shuddered in hatred and distress, "They learned our ways. They learned the will of Eywa, and yet they still hurt our Great Mother and our children. We can't teach them. They cannot be taught. It's like what my mother told you. It is hard to fill a cup that is already full."

The words were thrown back in his face, Neytiri might as well have slapped him. Jake looked down when he couldn't bear to look her in the eyes anymore, only to fall onto the sight of Neteyam's body nestled safely in his arms as if still an infant. The mental image only drove Jake into biting the inside of his cheek, fresh tears spilling out of his eyes but he refused to release a sound. His left ear twitches at the sound of someone stepping up beside him, his sister's voice coming to his defense.

"'They' are the people Jake and I were born into," Kayla finally spoke up, stepping forward with only a little bit of difficulty no thanks to her ankle. Her eyes were stone when looking directly at her sister-in-law, "You forget that, Neytiri. You forget where Jake and I come from."

"That is different," the Na'vi woman shook her head defiantly, "You've learned to love and respect our ways."

"And Spider has done nothing but love and respect your ways his whole life!" Kayla shouted back, causing all the children around her to flinch and lower their eyes. Neytiri turns to stone, solidifying her stance and refusing to back down. Kayla was huffing out pent-up anger and exhaustion, her voice like gravel as she gritted out, "I've easily killed more people today than Spider ever has in his lifetime. Why am I more deserving of your respect than he is?"

"Enough," all eyes -except for Kayla's- turn to Jake, his own voice broken and not strong enough to command as easily as he's used to. Jake cleared his throat to correct his voice before pointedly staring between Neytiri and Kayla, "You two, not now, please. Kayla... Kayla."

She finally looks away from Neytiri at the sound of her brother addressing her. Jake continued, "Spider was mentioning a tracker in one of the masks he was wearing. This one's different but it wouldn't hurt to be extra cautious. Do you have a spare?"

Kayla shrugs, looking away to continue carefully watching Neytiri while responding, "I might. But if we're really worried about the RDA tracking us down, I'll try to see what I can do to detect a tracker in his mask from here. You guys head back to the village without us. We'll catch up. Jake, you should probably radio High Camp when you get back and let them know what happened."

"You're not breaking your link tonight?"

"I don't want to... I'm needed here right now." When she peered back at Jake, he didn't look very soothed by her response, his eyes full of doubt, aging by the second and so she was quick to reassure him, "It's alright. I was there the other night. I'll just wait until things quiet down here."

The Sullys appear satisfied by her words and begin to move slowly, sluggish and heavy from today's events, their loss still weighing down their postures. Lo'ak and Kiri occasionally looked back at Spider as they departed as if they were worried this would be the last time they ever saw him. Neytiri was the last to break away with her family, her eyes also still wary of Kayla from their little stand-off before the Na'vi woman finally turned her back on the avatar and returned to her ikran. She only took flight until after Jake and the children sunk into the ocean, Jake's tsurak carrying Neteyam's body back to the village.

Once the Sullys had disappeared, all that was left was Kayla and Spider, along with the sounds of distant fire crackling and waves surrounding them. Kayla's ikran squawks irritably, breaking Kayla's trance. The avatar turns to look down at Spider, inspecting him quietly before beckoning him to follow her, "Come with me, kid."

He silently does so, now more exhausted and suspicious than before, guarded as they both walk over to Thena. Spider's eyes briefly light up with that familiar love of Pandora he always openly shared, amazed by Kayla's ikran and impressed with how much the avatar had managed to accomplish in his absence, "She's awesome."

"I wouldn't go telling her that," Kayla snorts while patting Thena's snout and ducking under her neck. Kayla rifles through the pouches she had sewn onto her ikran's saddle until she found what she was looking for, revealing small human tools she had packed for her long journey across the ocean. She was nothing if not careful, and her preparedness was proven useful in this instance.

Spider noticed the tools in her hand and peered up at her skeptically, "You don't have a spare mask, do you?"

"No. But I have tools. I'll try to remove the tracker if there is one."

"Why didn't you just tell Jake you didn't have a spare pack?"

She shrugged nonchalantly, "I thought you needed a break from the interrogation."

He paused, unprepared for that answer. Exuding a look that expressed he felt a little bashful and appreciative, he flashed a small smile before it quickly vanished and he glanced down at his feet while muttering, "Thanks."

"You bet."

Kayla had Spider sit down while she knelt behind him, inspecting his mask and poking and prodding to make sure he'll still be able to breathe while she worked. They sat in silence, the stench of smoke still prominent in Kayla's nose, but she felt relieved to know that Spider wouldn't be able to smell the death and decay around them with a filter in his mask.

Spider fiddled with a pebble in his hands, longingly staring over the ocean while quietly admitting, "I don't wanna go back."

He felt Kayla's hands pause while inspecting his mask, but otherwise couldn't see her reaction as she sighed, "I know you don't. But the RDA knows where you are now."

"They know where I am in the mountains, too." He muttered.

"If there's a tracker in here, I'll disarm it, and you could go back to the mountains and Ardmore will be none the wiser. She'll still think you're here. You'll be safe from all of them... for a little while at least."

"Why does it matter if I go or stay?" Spider questions with a slight jeer, tired from adults continuously telling him they know better than him. He points out the obvious, "They want you and Jake. This place is as much a target as home is."

"Which is why being far from us might be what's best for you. Besides, Ardmore doesn't have the manpower to track us down at the moment. All her Recoms are dead. She won't have any avatars on her side any time soon."

Spider's spine stiffens, his blood running cold. If Kayla had noticed his uncharacteristic silence, she didn't mention it or just coughed it up to the amount of stress and trauma the teen had just gone through. They reverted to silence once more while Kayla worked, and eventually, once she announced that there wasn't any tracker, she almost missed what Spider was saying as the wind began to pick up,

"One. She still has one..."

Kayla's hands pause again and pull away, leaving Spider cold, "Who?"

"Quaritch." His voice caught in his throat and he had to cough, hiding the shame in his hand.

When he bravely turned to see Kayla's reaction, she bore a look of disbelief while looking out in the distance, "But Jake said he--"

Spider shakes his head, "He didn't drown."

He didn't need to elaborate. As the silence lingered, Kayla fit all of the puzzle pieces in her head and figured it out herself. Spider noticed the dawning of realization on her face and panicked over the idea of her leaving him here on this rock, stranded. He immediately began to ramble as the fear of being abandoned took over him, "I'm sorry. I saw him and-- I couldn't leave him. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

"Spider. Look at me."

When he does so, albeit terrified by her tone of voice, all he sees is determination instead of doubt or disgust. She waited until the kid was looking directly at her before she leveled him with a stern look, "No one can know. Alright? Don't tell anyone else about this. Promise me that this stays between us. I mean it. If anyone else found out, they would definitely send you away, or worse, do you understand?"

He quickly nods, trying to remember to breathe through his panic, but the relief that flowed through him was quickly replaced with dread. The shock wore off and he suddenly realized Kayla was willing to protect him and his secret. His chest squeezed painfully at the thought of the kind of consequences she could go through for something like that.

"Are you mad?"

She took a moment to collect her thoughts before exhaling a deep sigh through her nose and shaking her head, "No. I get it, kid. He's your dad. And... and you gave him something he's never given anyone. Mercy. I hope he doesn't forget that."

Spider's whole form began to shake and when Kayla initially thought he was cold, she looked closer only to realize he was fighting back tears behind his mask, likely shaking from adrenaline and holding back sobs. He lowered his head to hide his face as he whispered, "Please don't let them send me away."

Pity for this child came in full force as Kayla struggled to find the right words. Her thoughts were racing with a war of their own, conflicted about what she should do. The thought of keeping a secret from Jake and his family made her stomach turn uncomfortably, but another part of her knew, deep down, that it was the only solution. Kayla had watched Jake and Neytiri do unspeakable things for the sake of their children, and today alone Neytiri proved she wasn't above harming a child if she thought it would protect her family. As for Jake... Kayla wasn't entirely sure what her brother was capable of anymore, and in her mind, that made him dangerous. She couldn't trust anyone dangerous around Spider if they knew the truth about Quaritch. Besides, it's not like her suspicion of her brother was unwarranted. After all, he wasn't above abandoning Spider when he needed help the most.

"... Alright. I'll try," she decides to quickly change the subject before another word or any regret could be said about her decision, "So do you have any idea how they found us?"

Spider fixed her a small look of doubt before slowly answering, "They only found out where you were when a rogue gunship was spotted coming this way."

Kayla hissed through her teeth, wincing at hers and Norm's stupidity, "Shit."

"But they don't know where the village is exactly-- only that you're among the many islands around in the area," Spider reassured her before curiosity took over, "Why did you guys bring a gunship out here?"

Kayla rolled her lips before answering, "Jake radioed in and begged us to come and find them because Kiri needed medical attention," the moment she saw a shift of concern begin to grow on Spider's face, she held a hand up to stop him before he could ask, "It's okay. She's fine now."

Spider relaxed, replaying Kayla's story before confusion took over, "So wait, you weren't with them the whole time?"

Kayla stiffened, "No. Jake thought it'd be best if I stayed behind."

Deciding not to explain any further, Kayla points down to the cut on his chest, "Let's tend to that. We don't want it to get infected."

At the reminder of the wound, Spider's expression darkens and he simply nods. Kayla grabbed her small trauma kit from one of Thena's pouches and knelt down in front of the human teen this time, inspecting the cut before getting to work. It was superficial, not very deep, just long and thin. Nevertheless, Kayla remembers Neytiri using that same knife to draw blood countless times before using it on Spider... and the avatar woman didn't even want to think about whatever disease or infection Spider would have to suffer on top of the trauma Neytiri likely gave him if it wasn't properly cleaned and dressed. Kayla hadn't missed the way Ronal purposely avoided Spider when going around and healing whoever she could. She only hoped that Spider hadn't noticed... or worse, he did notice but just felt resigned to the usual neglect and mistreatment.

Kayla couldn't imagine what must be going on through Spider's head right now. Having someone's knife to your throat and still begging for Kiri's life instead of your own? Kayla had to wonder if Spider ever had someone who would put him above life itself like that.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

He winced, "No."

"Okay," she immediately shuts down whatever she was going to originally say, "But just so you know, she'll never do that again. I'll make sure of it."

He didn't look as though he believed her, shrugging it off with a small, hesitant smile, "Yeah, okay... It's good to see you, Kayla."

She smiled back, although not as wide or as relieved as she had liked to feel, but no one could blame her after everything she's been through today, "You, too, kiddo. I'm glad you're safe."

Once she's satisfied with how the bandage around Spider's chest will hold, she helps him up onto Thena and forms tsaheylu, hiking herself up onto the ikran's back before taking off to the skies. The fly felt shorter than it initially felt when she first flew out with the Metkayina to fight the Sky People and save the children. Once the village was in sight, Spider's jaw had opened in awe of its beauty, eyes sparkling in wonder. As Kayla descends lower to the ground, she sees the number of Metkayina who had come out to fight. The numbers have dwindled, but for the most part, they were whole and hovered close to the healing huts. Kayla noticed some heads turn up at her arrival but otherwise did nothing. They were either used to the ikrans' presence, or they were too tired to care after such a long battle.

The only time the Metkayina appeared concerned was when Kayla landed Thena on the beach, where all eyes could clearly see the small demon child riding with her. Waves of gasps and whispers can be heard, a crowd slowly beginning to gather but Kayla pointedly doesn't wait or stand around, steering Spider toward the direction of the Sully marui right away to not make the teenager a village spectacle. Spider looked around the village as they walked, but didn't really get a good look at everything with how urgent Kayla was leading him away, despite the pain in her ankle.

But the Metkayina had already gotten a good look at him, and the hushed whispers were already spreading around until they got to their olo'eyktan. Tonowari and Ronal were conversing outside the healing huts when word got to them about a human child among their ranks. When they peered up to see the commotion, they briefly saw a glimpse of the demon boy's blond hair, followed by Kayla, a towering pillar of protection as she quickly led him through the maze of pathways winding through the village, mothers quickly pulling away their children if the demon boy walked too close. It was a curious sight to see someone so small being shielded by another Na'vi so large. Ronal hissed at the sight of Kayla putting weight on her injured ankle but otherwise said nothing.

Tonowari's expression shrivels up to one of concern before promptly turning back to his mate, "Do you remember when I told you Makayla te Suli considers the demon boy her responsibility?"

~~~~~~~~~

When the avatar and teenager got to the edge of the pods, looking out over the lagoon, Spider noticed Jake and Lo'ak sitting outside a marui that must be the Sullys' new home. Toruk Makto looked up once Kayla and the boy drew closer and quickly stood to greet them, Lo'ak quickly following to do the same. The Forest boy beelined for Spider, firmly grasping his friend's shoulder and gently shoving him toward the pod.

"Come on, bro. Kiri's got some food started for you."

Spider follows inside without a word, glancing back at Kayla from over his shoulder before disappearing. Kayla remained outside once Jake made it clear he needed to talk to her.

"I radioed Norm." He explains.

"And?"

"I told him what he needed to know. I..." Jake swallowed and folded his arms, finding it difficult to speak when his throat began to close up, "I couldn't tell him all of it. 'Couldn't tell him about Neteyam. I..."

He was struggling for words without getting all choked up or shutting down. Kayla immediately takes over the talking, placing a hand on her brother's arm, "Jake... it's okay."

He peered up and she offered him a small, sad smile, "You did good. I'll let High Camp know when I eventually have to go back. Or Mo'at will tell everyone. I mean, she is the tsahik. Wouldn't she connect to the Tree of Souls and instantly know?"

He shook his head, "Not if she wasn't looking for something specific."

Kayla's nose scrunches before relaxing. She'll never get used to how Eywa functions at this rate, "Alright. Well, we'll just go with the flow and deal with it once it comes back around. Where's Neytiri?"

"With Neteyam. The Metkayina placed him in a healing hut so she and I could... could..." He cleared his throat, "So we can clean him up and prep for the burial tonight."

"Okay. You go," she whispers gently while tilting her head toward the marui, "I'll stay with the kids."

Jake's eyes were cloudy but grateful, "Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~

As day turned into night, the village began to grow quiet but not because the hour was late. To mourn and respect the loss of their loved ones, the Metkayina either sang the songcords of those who were slain in battle or opted into saying nothing at all. Soon the Na'vi will all leave their respective homes to gather together in a ceremonial send-off, ready to let the bodies of their loved ones return to the ocean and their Great Mother.

The Sullys were among those ready to send their loved one off. By the time Jake and Neytiri returned to their marui, Kayla had the children washed up and prepared for the ceremony. They all -except Spider- bore white face paint, brushed over their skin in a specific pattern to symbolize their loss. Neytiri and Jake also bore white paint, parts of which covered Jake's stitched-up and bruised face now that Ronal had the time to properly heal him. Neytiri bore the same white face paint but also added black around her eyes to signify her tears and grief as a mother, a white, veil-like material hung around her face from the top of her head. No one said anything, but they all noticed a familiar necklace that once belonged to Neteyam now wrapped around Neytiri's neck.

Before going out to join the village, Neytiri started the tradition of singing the deceased's songcord, her fingers counting each bead, and each milestone in Neteyam's short life, all expressed through her song. The lyrics, designed by Neytiri, described her son's life, from birth until recent events, moments that Neteyam deemed worthy to be remembered, recorded as history in his waytelem. 

Lie si oe neteyamur Nawma sa'nokur mìfa oeyä Atanti ngal molunge Mipa tìreyti, mipa 'itanti Lawnol a mì te'lan Lawnol a mì te'lan

Ngaru irayo seiyi ayoe Tonìri tìreyä Ngaru irayo seiyi ayoe Srrìri tìreyä Ma Eywa, ma Eywa 

The family clings to the song, willing themselves to remember it, before heading out into the village and retrieving Neteyam's body.

He was clean and wrapped to rest in the fetal position, eyes closed as if he was only sleeping. His braids were pulled back and tied into a hairband, a detail of Lo'ak's doing. The Sullys summon ilu and tie a floating leaf-made carrier behind Jake's as a means of transporting Neteyam. The Metkayina all follow the Sullys out to the Cove of the Ancestors, where they lay their dead to rest eternally at Eywa's breast, leaving Neteyam for last. Jake leads his family away from the other Na'vi, who all stay behind to witness the family return their son, brother, nephew, and friend back to the ocean and back to Eywa. Behind Neteyam's carrier was a trail of flower petals, floating on the ocean surface, creating a path of the young warrior's last journey. Once his family reaches the perfect spot to let Neteyam go, they all slip from their ilu and into the water, padding over to the leaf carrier and helping one another get Neteyam out.

Below the surface, toward the bottom of the cove, was a beautiful field of some sort of coral plant, gently moving back and forth against the current like it was wind, glowing like a golden field of grain under the water. Tuk and Lo'ak briefly touch Neteyam's face, one last time, tears still fresh in their eyes, before Neytiri and Jake take deep breaths and plunge underwater, bringing Neteyam down with them. The remaining Sullys and Spider stay on the surface but lower their heads into the water to watch Jake and Neytiri bury their son. Kiri and Spider held hands in comfort while Tuk reached for her aunt's. Kayla gladly holds onto Tuk's hand, gently squeezing it to reassure the child.

Jake and Neytiri dive deep, close enough to reach the fields of glowing coral before finally letting go of Neteyam. They start floating back up to the surface but never once let their eyes leave Neteyam's body as the coral slowly envelopes him, welcoming him with open arms that is Eywa. Lo'ak had to be one of the first to lean back up for air when he accidentally breathed underwater after letting out a mournful cry, and slowly, the rest of his family followed suit, swimming close to one another until all the Sullys huddled together, crying over their loss.

Before they headed back to the village, there was just one last thing Jake and Neytiri needed to do. They sunk back into the water and swam toward the Spirit Tree, intending on seeing Neteyam once more, alive, if only but a memory. Lo'ak and Tuk go with... And for obvious reasons, Spider and Kiri could not follow. The young Na'vi girl had told her dear friend what happened to her after he asked about the medical attention she needed prompting Norm, Max, and Kayla to come out to the ocean. Spider was sad to learn that Kiri was more like him now more than ever, unable to connect with Eywa but Kiri wouldn't listen to his pity. She had only shaken her head and reassured Spider that she would be fine... but this would be proven difficult after burying her brother. Spider felt the same, sad that he was unable to properly say goodbye to Neteyam. But they weren't alone.

Kayla opted to stay with the two teens, astride a separate ilu while Kiri shared hers with Spider. Kiri watched her family depart for the Spirit Tree with a heavy heart, grieving over the fact she couldn't say goodbye to her brother, let alone connect to Eywa, while Spider simply gripped her arm in comfort. When he briefly glances back at Kayla, he sees a woman whose gaze looks far away, distant from the present, not actually seeing anything. She only had one white stripe of face paint down her nose that she had Tuk do to distract the little girl from the events of the day, but otherwise wore the same thing she always wears, her red crop top and cargo shorts, now dirty from a long-winded battle. Given that it was a cool night, she could've worn a jacket... but the one she had packed was burned at the first chance she got, unable to fathom the idea of wearing something caked in her nephew's blood ever again.

Spider tilted his head toward the Spirit Tree, his mask hissing quietly as he breathed, "You should go say goodbye."

Kayla blinked and then returned to the present time, looking over where she had heard Spider's voice. If he had blinked, he would've missed the fast change in expression, her face suddenly morphing into something soft and kind. It was as if she had just placed a mask over her facial features, hiding whatever she was truly feeling behind it. Kiri hadn't noticed, but Spider did.

Kayla shakes her head, "There's time for that later. Come on. Let's wait for them back at home."

~~~~~~~~~

How long had Kayla been on Pandora? Months? Years? It certainly felt like it. If she had to guess, rounding it up, it would be close to two years now. Two years... and finally she understood why the Na'vi could dress so little and still be kept warm at night.

She had never been a part of those group sleeps the Na'vi were so fond of. Now she was nearly in the center of one. That night after all the horror the Sullys had gone through, a group huddle whilst they slept was inevitable, not wanting to let go of each other so soon after losing one.

Kayla was pressed up against Lo'ak's side, the young Na'vi boy curling his whole form into his mother's back as much as he possibly could. Neytiri was trapped between her son and her husband, Jake doing his very best to get his arms around his whole family even in his sleep. Tuk was sprawled over almost everyone like a blanket. She was spread over her parents and snuggling her cold nose around Lo'ak's head, near Kayla's ear. On the other side of Kayla was Kiri, who originally fell asleep and curled close to her aunt but has since moved, and then there was Spider. At first, he had gone to bed a few feet away, giving the family as much space as possible. That is, of course, until Kiri unconsciously turned around, pulled him into her space, and refused to let go. Apparently, Kiri is an aggressive snuggler. 

Kayla knew she couldn't move even if she wanted to, trapped by the teenagers on either side of her, and perhaps they had done so intentionally so she couldn't escape to her campsite. It wasn't a bad experience, but she usually needed to toss and turn before getting comfortable, and she was starting to get hot tucked within such a large pile of body heat.

There's a soft whimper of crying in her ear, and when Kayla turns her head, she notices Tuk, her face scrunched up in distress, but still deep in sleep. As the child squirmed and cried unconsciously, her parents also began to stir, and then finally, the other children as well. Once the rest of the Sullys were awake and moving, Kayla wasn't worried about waking anyone when she reached a hand out to touch Tuk's cheek in an attempt to wake her, "Tuk? It's alright, Tuk. Wake up."

Neytiri took the initiative and sat up straight to tend to her child, gathering the little girl up in her arms like she was still a baby. The movement was enough to finally wake Tuk and immediately, she began to openly cry once she recognized her surroundings. Kiri sat up once she heard her sister consciously crying and crawled over Kayla and Lo'ak to get to her, "What is wrong, Tuk?"

Neytiri shushes both of her daughters quietly, "Shh, shh, ma 'itetsyìp. It is alright. Mama is here."

Tuk furiously shook her head as she began to wail, louder and more distraught than before as she cried out, "I want Neteyam! I-- I want Neteyam--"

The whole marui tenses as they all wait for Neytiri's reaction. Understandably, she didn't react well. Neytiri's eyes immediately began to cloud and well up with tears, ears pinning back against her skull. Her pupils flick wildly about, no longer able to focus on the child in her arms. Her breaths were irregular, her mind visibly spiraling out of control. She looked like a cornered animal, trapped without any means of escape.

The first one to move was Kayla, sluggishly moving until she was crouching in front of Neytiri, gently prying poor Tuk out of her mother's arms and into her own. Neytiri breaks out of her trance for a moment, blinking once and taking in the sight of Tuk crying in Kayla's chest. She peers up and nods once in gratitude before swiftly standing and leaving the pod before her children can see another moment of her vulnerability.

Kayla continues to put on a brave face and quietly shush Tuk, gently rocking the little girl until her cries revert to soft hiccups and sniffles. No one else says a word and they try their best to go back to sleep, but the grief is heavy in the air along with worry for their wife and mother. Jake stays awake the whole time Kayla comforts his daughter, watching the entrance of his home with longing and concern. He forced himself to stomp down the urge to run after Neytiri when his role as a father took over. He shifted until he had his arms around Lo'ak and Kiri, whispering words of encouragement and trying to get them to go back to sleep as if they were still little. The teenagers didn't appear to mind being coddled, given the circumstances, and together, Lo'ak and Kiri gathered Spider and decided on sharing a nivi together, off to the side of the pod. Jake watches the teens crawl up into the large hammock together and fall asleep before resuming his post at the entrance of the marui, waiting for Neytiri while occasionally glancing back at Kayla and Tuk. Eventually, even Tuk managed to fall back asleep and Kayla carefully lifted her up and brought the little girl to the nivi to join her siblings. Tuk sleepily clings onto Spider and doesn't move for the rest of the night.

When Neytiri returned, she didn't look any better from when she initially left, her eyes bloodshot with drying tear tracks engraved into her face like the stripes that littered her body. It was chilling to see the mighty Neytiri, fierce and stronger than anyone in her clan, so shattered and forlorn. Jake stood and opened his mouth to soothe her, but she simply shook her head, her face speaking more than words could at that moment. There wasn't anything he or anyone could say that could comfort her right now. Jake read her meaning loud and clear and simply watched as his wife looked around for their children. She saw them all huddled together in their nivi, and she was too tired to comment on Spider being among them. And even if she wanted to, Kayla made sure to distract her long enough to forget about it.

The female avatar gently urged her sister-in-law to lie down and try to rest, and if she was shocked that Neytiri decided on using her leg as a pillow, Kayla didn't mention it. Instinctively, Kayla's fingers weave through Neytiri's braids to calm her as if she were comforting a child. Not wanting to wake her nieces and nephew, Kayla did her best to sing quietly, raspy, as best as she could so Neytiri could hear and understand her. The avatar decided on the lyrics to Neteyam's songcord, and even though it wasn't as practiced or accurate coming out of her voice, it still calmed Neytiri's aching heart.

Singing helped Kayla not to think about it. Instead, it helped her focus on the lyrics and the proper pronunciation. Her accent was still a little shaky and too formal at times, so as she tried to focus and perfect the lyrics, she didn't have to think about the meaning or the child behind the lines and how he had been taken too soon. She sang the whole song and repeated it a few times before she realized Neytiri had fallen asleep, albeit a bit restlessly.

Jake felt utterly helpless while listening to his sister sing to Neytiri, but didn't hesitate to express his gratitude once he noticed his mate had finally begun to rest, "Thank you." He whispered.

Kayla had been helping adjust the sleeping Neytiri until she was lying down on the nearest cot. She simply nodded in response to Jake before lying down further away from the rest of the family and turning her back so she was facing the wall of the marui. The air was significantly colder without any body heat to keep her warm, but she didn't dare move from where she lay. She wanted her much-needed space, where she could cry silently by herself and where no one could see or hear her. She desperately wished she had slept in her own hammock on the outskirts of the village, but she didn't want to leave anyone in her brother's family alone with their thoughts... and a guilty part of her admits that she couldn't afford to leave Spider anywhere near her sister-in-law at this time.

Listening until she was positive that Jake had laid down beside Neytiri for the rest of the night, Kayla let the tears silently flow out of her eyes, biting her cheek to refrain from making any sounds that would give her away. She could feel her body begin to shake. Whether it was from the cold or her pent-up emotions, she wasn't sure. Either way, it would be a long, restless night for Makayla as she lay awake and listened to the sounds of her family around her.

A/N: Can I respectfully ask people to stop flooding my dms and inbox with specific questions regarding the future of the fic? I already know how I want the fic to pan out, and if I answered your questions, it could be spoiling it 😇 You are more than welcome to ask questions regarding past decisions or anything regarding Kayla from her past, but from here on out-- I'm locking down ALL future-related questions! Thank you for understanding.

The second part of this chapter will be out soon! It was mostly written before I was forced to split the chapter in half, so stay tuned!

Check out AI Generated art of Kayla!

[kiwiana-writes]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

A big ol' fuck you to @rmd-writes for the tag xoxo

1. How many works do you have an AO3? Lol. Lmao even. 289.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 914,620 on AO3, but that includes co-writes as well as things I've podficced where the fic and pod are in the same work. My actual personally-written wordcount, per my Batshit Spreadsheet, is 771,819.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Mostly RWRB these days, though most of my back catalogue is Schitt's Creek. Also The Pairing and various other things scattered about.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Kinda think that I might be his type aka Alex and Bea fake date coming in at the top spot, which will never not bewilder me. Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely fic!! But I am always surprised that it was a few hundred more kudos than:

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest), the Much Ado actors AU. My magnum opus, my beloved.

We were supposed to find this - baby's first soulmate AU and my first RWRB fic. The brainrot really took hold with this one lmao.

All the Lonely Starbucks Lovers, in which Henry takes 'open mouth insert foot' to a whole new level.

Warm like the glow that you feel head to toe, the age gap fic with older Senator Alex and younger Prince Henry. This is probably the only one in my top five that really surprises me, considering age gaps are... divisive.

5. Do you respond to comments? Always always always.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I mean I did write that one MCD fic in Schitt's Creek, though I maintain the other five parts in that 5+1 are in fact angstier than the MCD ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Uhhhhhhh, the rest? The Doylist answer is any of my fics where the HEA is literally forever rather than 'till death do us part'; so, the Schitt's Creek afterlife AU and the RWRB zombie!Alex AU. (Is that all? Am I forgetting one?)

8. Do you get hate on fics? Yeah, sometimes. Weirdly, more through tumblr anons than on the fics themselves? A lot of them I just delete, sometimes I'll give them a bit of a public scolding etc. Frankly at this point if you come into my ask box to be a cunt on anon I'm going to assume you have a public humiliation kink and will indulge you accordingly.

9. Do you write smut? Who's to say.

10. Do you write crossovers? I'm more inclined towards a fusion than a crossover (love a good media fusion) but I did write a short RWRB/The Pairing crossover for VoiceTeam.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. Someone did ask recently, so we'll see!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? HEAPS. @ships-to-sail is an ongoing collaborator, but I also did a bunch of "each write a chapter" type collabs in Schitt's Creek. Currently co-writing something truly fucking incredible with @indestructibleheart.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? IDK if it's a WIP by the strictest definition, but every day the likelihood of the SC kink!verse series being completed slips further away lol.

16. What are your writing strengths? Rae, you're the worst.

Smut, I guess? Giving people new kinks, apparently. Character voice. Also a very specific type of world-building where I explain nothing because the characters already live in that world and let y'all infer how it works, which came up a LOT on one of this year's Kinktober fics in particular and led to my spouse saying "okay so you're basically the Brennan Lee Mulligan of tree fucking", which is sure not a sentence I expected to ever be directed towards me, but here we are.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Anything original, apparently. Good thing I didn't quit my job to be a writer or anything OH WAIT.

(In all seriousness, though, I am genuinely shit at, like, plotting. And action sequences.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If it makes sense for the character, sure! I'm enlisting someone who speaks it for anything more complicated than, like, a pet name - I've seen what Google Translate tries to spit out for my second language and therefore don't trust it lmao.

19. First fandom you wrote for? terf queen mcgee's property.

20. Favourite fics you've written? The RWRB fic specifically based on the episode The Husbands of River Song from Doctor Who. Hands down the best thing I've ever written.

I also fucking LOVED the Much Ado actor AU. My love letter to Shakespeare and theatre and queer joy.

-

Tagging @blueeyedgrlwrites @cactusdragon517 @cricketnationrise @firenati0n @getmehighonmagic

@hgejfmw-hgejhsf @indestructibleheart @inexplicablymine @notspecialbabe @orchidscript

@piratefalls @sherryvalli @sparklepocalypse @stereopticons @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play! 

[magneticflower]

Until Dawn Ask Meme

What character do you think you would be most like if you were thrusted into a situation like this?

What’s your favorite chapter?

Who are your favorite characters?

Do you have any part that you just didn’t care for all that much?

What are your favorite moments/scenes?

What character first caught your eye?

Which character quickly rose to the top of your favorites?

What character did you not expect to love as much as you do now?

Was there any character that you ended up not liking as much as you thought you would?

Which character design is your favorite?

What character or characters do you find most compelling?

Which character dynamics did you like best? Which did you not care for?

Which relationship was your favorite? (Platonic, romantic, or otherwise)

Which characters did you like seeing interact the most?

Which characters do you wish interacted more or just interacted at all?

What was the funniest scene to you?

What are your favorite quotes from the game?

Any character you thought deserved more time?

What character’s skillset would you want to have?

Were there any moments that really shocked you?

Were there any moments that made you angry?

What scene do you think played out perfectly?

Do you think anything should have played out differently?

If you could only change one thing that happened, what would you change and why?

Were you surprised by who the psycho was or did you know all along?

Did you like the Stranger?

What are your thoughts on the scenes with Dr. Hill?

Any fan theories that you find super interesting? Any that you don’t care for all that much?

Would you have agreed to return to the Washington lodge?

Any background information you wish we would have gotten about a character?

Which character do you think was the most fun/interesting to play the game through?

If you played it, who lived in your first playthrough? Were you happy with the outcome of your first playthrough?

How did you feel about the remaster? What did you like? What did you not care for? What would you have changed?

Do you think any character model looked better in the original over the remaster or vice versa?

Is there a scene you think was better in the original rather than the remaster or vice versa?

Do you like the new content in the remaster? Do you prefer the original or the remastered prologue?

Do you like the new potential ending?

Any opinion you have about a character that you'd like to share?

Any opinion take about a ship you'd like to share?

Any opinion on how a scene played out that you'd like to share?

Do you have any headcanons you want to share about (Insert character/ship/dynamic/etc)

What character do you wish had more time?

What death scene do you think is the saddest?

What death scene do you think is the worst one out of all of them?

What scene stuck with you the most?

What song(s) do you associate with (insert character or ship)?

How did you get into Until Dawn?

Link your favorite fanart(s) or fanfic(s)! 

Link your favorite edit(s)!

Link your favorite gifset(s)!

Link your favorite until dawn related post(s)!

Link your favorite until dawn blogs!

Freebie: Ask anything Until Dawn related!

I find fandom specific memes can be a good way to bring activity to the tags so I figured I create one--- reblog away! Hopefully it is a fun thing to do sjsj (I apologize in advanced if there are any repetitive questions sjsj) Also, feel free to send me some if you'd like

[domiforpresident]

Selfish lover

Riri willams x fem!black reader

Word count: 1.5k

Contains: cheating, crying, fluff

Dividers creds: @firefly-graphics

Summary: Riri’s heart is torn between you and shuri. She thinks that her love is shared equally which makes it ok, but you have had enough of being kept in the dark.

A/n: to the annon that requested this I love you sm because this was so fun to write

This is gonna be a 2/3 part fic so look forward to a part 2 very soon!!

Y/n’s POV:

Riri had been gone for a few weeks. Working on a project with Shuri in Wakanda. To your knowledge it was strictly business, Or at least that was the lie she told you. Her true intentions were to visit her girlfriend shuri. She didn’t mean to fall in love with her but she did. All whilst still loving you. For a while she was stuck. Confused on what to do with her new found feelings for the queen. Riri didn’t have the heart to tell you. She couldn’t bear the burden of breaking your heart. So instead she decided she would take on both of you as lovers. In her own sick and twisted mind giving both of you equal attention was justification for what she was doing.

You got suspicious at times when she would come home extra late. Not revealing where she came from. It was always “it’s top secret iron heart stuff, I would tell you if I could.” That excuse never really puts your doubts to rest. But you hated when your mind pondered the worst. So it would have to suffice.

There were other times where she would come home with scents lingering on her. Ones not familiar to your nose. Her excuse was “that’s a new cologne I’m trying my love”. Once again you would choose to believe her, just to put your uncertainty at bay.

Today Riri was coming home. Later than what she promised. This wasn’t out of the ordinary, but You became worried sick when the clock struck 12:00pm. Riri was well past being late. The silence in your room was uncomfortably loud, booming through your ears like a stereo. Your heavy breathing being the only thing that slightly drowned out this insufferable sound. Your cheeks were drowned in your tears. You kept rubbing them away hoping that they would stop. Though truthfully, you knew this wasn’t going to happen until your girlfriend came home.

*DING*

You flipped your phone up off your covers. Hoping that it was Riri. But to your dismay, she still hadn’t responded to your 30 missed calls. That’s when the thoughts of genuine fear started to kick in. What if a mission of hers had gone wrong, or worse? You decided to call Riri one more time. Still No response. Your heart was starting to collapse in your chest. Where was she at?

Riri’s pov:

Riri watched shuri intensely. The queens exposed biceps flexed with every bag she picked up. Riri always over-packed just so she could gawk at Shuri while she carried her bags to and from the ship. Shuri could’ve easily Gotten the dora milaje to complete this task. That is if she didn’t secretly love seeing Riri swoon over her.

“Are you going to keep staring at me or are you gonna answer my question?” Shuri chuckled.

Riri was so caught up in her own endeavors that she hadn’t realized Shuri was done gathering her things.

“I’m sorry Shuri, it’s just so hard to pay attention when my girlfriend looks this good” Riri responded. Eyes studying every part of Shuris body, stopping at her face.

Shuri took one large step closer to Riri. So now the front of their bodies would be pressed up against each other. Shuri tilted her head, a smirk adorning her face. “If you keep talking like that you won’t be going anywhere for a few more hours.”

Riri so badly wanted to give in to her wants. She so badly wanted to pounce onto Shuri right then and there. You would be ok right? It would only be a few more hours. Riri's mind started to slip to all the sinful things Shuri would do to her, and her to Shuri. But no, this wasn’t right. You would start to get suspicious and that could lead to Riri getting caught. Which she had never planned to happen. If Riri was lucky she could and would keep this up for years.

“I can’t Shuri, I would if I could” Riri sighed.

“You’re already late anyway, why not just stay one more day?” Shuri pouted, wrapping her arms around Riris waist.

“You know I got things to handle back home Shuri, I’ll miss you though” Riri pecked Shuri On the lips.

Shuri Leaned in to deepen the kiss “you don’t have to miss me when I’m right here Sthandwa sami.”

Their lips worked skillfully together, tongues intertwining. Riri wanted, no needed to stay like this forever. Her lips on Shuris was a match made in heaven. As Riri felt shuris hands creep up to her neck she knew to pull away. Or else she wouldn’t be able to escape Shuris embrace.

“Bye Shuri, I love you.” Riri waved as she stepped onto the ship.

“I love you too. Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Shuri asked eagerly.

“I’m sure, love.”

….

After an hour of flying on the ship Riri caught a glimpse of the Chicago city lights. Quickly realizing she was home. Riri loved just sitting back and admiring How beautiful and familiar they felt. The nightlife in Chicago reminded her of home. They were her peace, and so were you.

You had always been Riris sense of peace and security. You were the only person she opened up to about Losing her dad and best friend. All the nights you held Riri while she cried were sealed in her mind. She couldn’t imagine being that vulnerable with anyone else. Not even shuri. You were the only person who knew how to nurture all her wounds that burned so deep for many years. When she was with you it seemed like she was immediately healed.

“We’ve reached your destination Riri” one of the dora milaje called out from the front of the ship.

This snapped Riri out of her thoughts. The ship door opened and she stepped out on the street. Her bags In hand. Riri inhaled deeply, drinking in the air she missed so much. To say Riri was Home Sick would be an understatement.

Y/n’s POV:

Abruptly you heard a knock at the door. Your head jolted up, wiping away the tears that slid down your face.

“Ma it’s me open up” Riri called out.

You ran to the door and looked through the peephole. Making sure that your ears didn’t deceive you. When you saw her a soft smile formed on your face. Thank god she was ok. Now that you knew she was well and alive. Your irritation started to kick in. Why couldn’t Riri text you and let you know she would be getting home late?

You moved your body back to open the door and let her in. She was dressed in a white tee and black sweatpants, Her curls out. She looked good but what was new. In her hands she carried pink carnations. Of course she would bring you your favorite flowers to make up for her absence.

“Flowers aren’t always gonna cut it, Riri.” You scoffed out at her.

“Damn I can’t get a hi? And since when am I Riri?” She said setting your flowers down on the table in your dorm room.

“Since you started ignoring my phone calls Riri.” You said with a look of irritation, Turning to fully face the smaller girl.

Once Riri saw your puffy bloodshot eyes, she rushed over to you. Placing her hand on your cheek. Wiping at the few tears that still sat on your face.

“Were you crying my love?” Riri asked with sincere concern coating her voice.

“Why would you care? You can’t even pick up the phone when I call you.” You looked off into the corner of your room. Not wanting to face her, and those big brown eyes. Those alone were enough to make you crack.

Riri turned your head back towards her. “I’m so sorry for however I made you feel, baby. I was working on a project and I couldn’t reach my phone. But that’s not an excuse.”

“Mhm it isn’t.” You responded.

She stretched out her neck to kiss you on the lips lightly. You leaned into her embrace.

“And I won’t ever do that to you again, Ok?” She said Still placing kisses on your lips. You gripped the back of her neck. Making the kiss deeper. How could you stay mad at her? Those soft brown lips were irresistible regardless of how upset you were.

“Does that mean we good now?”

You rolled your eyes “Oh shut up and come cuddle me to sleep.”

she tilted her head and scrunched her eyebrows Playfully “Don’t get too bold ma” she said, a grin on her face.

Riri listened though and the two of you fell asleep in one another's grasp. Your head was placed on her chest. The sound of her heart beating was a personally made lullaby for you. Making you sleep soundly for the rest of the night.

[makib1tch]

ummm all of them 😅

OKAY OKAY THISLL BE LONG BUT ILL TRY

the character everyone gets wrong : Alnst Luka. LIKE I GET THAT PEOPLE DONT LIKE HIM BUT HE ISNT THE VILLAIN. THE ALIENS ARE THE FUCKING VILLAINS. Like I lowkey feel like he doesn’t understand that what he’s doing is wrong. Like he wants to survive. Thats how the alien taught him too. DONT GET ME STARTED ILL RAMBLE WAY TOO FUCKIN MUCH

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom: uhhh my fav is Aventurine and I see him as a switch sooooo….idk ���🥲🥲🥲.

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr : uuuuuuh idk sorry

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person? : idk if it counts but like I had a friend I vented to her and told her I $h and she started to insult me and yea I was having a panic attack and blocked her

worst discord server and why : I’m never on discord so idk

which ship fans are the most annoying? Not all of them (I sometimes ship it too) but aventio/ratiorine/call them what u want idc. Like. There are ratiorine shippers who are like "OOOOHOOHH AVENTURINE IS SUCH A HORNY BOTTOM WHOREEE AND RATIO IS A HORNY DOM EUZKZKALALAL" and then they go and ruin the entire fucking characters. Like I like the ship when it’s done right. When they respect the fuckin characters. Not when they ship them out of pure horniness. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. Oh and it’s the same for Ruikasa (pjsk) shippers.

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? : I used to hate Ratio. Because of the weird ratiorine shippers.

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about : THAT LUKA FROM

ALNST IS THE VILLAIN

worst part of canon : idkidkkdk

worst part of fanon : idk too sorry im shit at ask games

number of fandom-related words you've filtered : none

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them : Alnst Luka. Again with him. HES SUCH A FUCKIN INTERESTING AND COMPLEX CHARACTER ILOVE HIM

worst blorboficiation : the fuck is that?

that one thing you see in fics all the time : in x reader like "you have blue eyes and black hair" THEN NO THATS NOT AN X READER

that one thing you see in fanart all the time: aaaaaahh idkk I see way too much fanarts everyday

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc) : Hyuna x Luka. I don’t understand. They’re so toxic like

there should be more of this type of fic/art: anyone comforting aventurine. My baby needs comfort. I love him. I want to hug him

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on... : i don’t think people have been sleeping on but idk she still doesn’t get enough credit everyone go read @aventurineswife ‘s fics they’re so fuckin good.

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like... : those x reader fics that are written out of straight up horniness. They be having the most obscene and devious devilish things.

part of canon you found tedious or boring : the whole xianzhou luofu quest ig. Expect for Tingyun I love her. But like idk I was kinda bored in it. Maybe it’s just me idk

part of canon you think is overhyped : Himekos death in csm. Like I saw people being super sad but like…idk. I didnt feel sad for her. I felt bad for Aki since he was sad yeah. But Himeko like her death didn’t do anything for me.

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores : AAAAAAAH IDK IM SORRY

ship you've unwillingly come around to : Ratiorine, I used to hate it. Now I like it. (I’m not sure I understood the question lmao)

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse : The hospital scene in the End of Evangelion. I don’t have to explain. I think just no one should talk about it.

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing : "Denji is a dumb pervert."

OK FINALLY FINISHED I TOOK WAY TOO FUCKIN LONG TO ANSWER THIS

I’m shit at ask games sorry lmao

[danpuff-ao3]

Thanks for the tag @cindle-writes!

"Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

Tagging: @perverse-idyll @writcraft @lizzy0305 @ripeteeth @lqtraintracks @threadbearao3 and whoever else might want to play!

It was hard to narrow down, as I've written well over 100 fics in my time (most available on AO3, but I still have some secrets). This has been good to look at and think about in light of my recent writerly struggles. Gave me a nice reminder of what I love and what I've accomplished.

1.) Contempt | Devotion

I'm counting them together, since they're the same story from different perspectives. Nothing will ever top them for me. They are THE Snarry story for me. They've been my OTP for 20+ years, and those works are years and years of dedication (and devotion, ha) to this ship. It's all the feelings I've ever had about them. It's the version of them, as individuals and together, that most resonates with me.

It is, as I often say, the story of my soul. I ripped these words out of my teeth, out of my bones, and wrote them with my blood. It was an agonizing process, and one I would do again and again, because I could not be more proud of anything, and it still amazes me that I created this story. That I finally pulled it out of my soul and put it to words. All of the passion I have for them, all of my history with this ship, all of it is right there.

(Also shoutout to the other little ficlets in the series; this version of Snarry will always have my heart.)

2.) Collateral Damage

While Contempt is the Snarry of my dreams, Collateral Damage is the DRON of my dreams.

Draco and Ron are my secondary OTP, and while I could write and rewrite Snarry to death, I have a hard time revisiting Dron as the main relationship, because I feel like I put everything I had for them into this one story.

The fic is written in Draco's POV, which I loved and was such a treat. I loved exploring Draco and Ron as individuals, and as a couple, and considering them more than I ever had before. It was fun playing with some real enemies-to-lovers, and seeing it become something really passionate and loving and fun (but also angsty, because I'm ME, hello).

It's a tale of revenge and insecurity, and fooling yourself while you try to fool others. I tried to really love on Draco and Ron both, while also diving into their respective flaws, and while I already loved them, writing this fic made me love them all the more.

3.) The Curse of Anteros

Another Snarry, of course. This one is such a love story, in some ways, though there's plenty of questionable (objectionable) content there. But for me, that made it all the more romantic, this sort of love conquers all, even in the worst of scenarios. My boys survived toxicity, and a curse, and life.

It's also a concept I've played with for quite some time, inspired by a Charmed episode (which was itself inspired by a film called Ladyhawke). It was a fun exercise in watching them grow, and watching time move on, with their connection unchanged. The story spans decades, and really, I'm not sure I've written anything more romantic!

Also features art by my dear friend @mrviran which is phenomenal and I am still totally awed by what they created for this story!! It was fun inventing a creature together, too <3

4.) A Matter of Time

Another Snarry which also holds a special place in my heart. It was a unique experience of trying new things. For one, it was alternating POV, which I don't normally care for; for me it's hard to maintain flow along with maintaining character voices. But ALSO it was told in reverse chronological order, which I'd been dying to try! Also...the angst. I love it.

And the END!!!! The end kills me and I love it. </3

5.) Cruel Summer

I waffled with choosing 5, because I felt like it should be Orange Blossoms, and I think part of me was scared to put this one on the list. You know...devastating and dead dovey as it is. It's a Sirry fic, one that I'd been cooking up in my noggin' for a few years.

I wanted to play with a darker side to Sirry, and portraying a very unhealthy and troubling relationship which really only felt natural with all that Harry and Sirius had been through. I wanted to do them and the concept justice, which I really think I did, and I'm really proud of how it came out. There's more story to tell...the real story, I think, will be the aftermath, but we'll see if it ever actually comes to fruition. In the meantime, I really love this story, awful as the content is.

[spotlightlowlife]

Helluva Boss has responsibility issues - Stolas, Stella and Octavia edition

Yep, Stolas is likeable, in his own right and the fact that he's part of a ship, which is a formula to certain success. However we know Stolas, we don't know Stella nor Octavia.

Let's be honest, this drama started off pretty reasonable.

We had no reason to believe Stella had done anything wrong, when we met her in a flashback, what was there to indicate Stella and Stolas didn't like one another?

We even see them sharing a bed in that big whole castle.

Fast forward to the future and Stolas has cheated which lead to their bitter divorce, which is an unfortunate common case, Stolas is in the wrong, doesn't mean he's a monster who deserves the worst to happen to him. Stella on the other hand has put a hit on him, a horrible thing to do yes, but a random act of malice, no.

Yet the worst happened in making light of Stolas's very common mistake and pushing it onto Stella

Why do this? Why take away from his story, his tough decision making and the fallout from his actions, the loneliness he feels in his big dark home and the fear of retaliation? He was a complex character in the making and pretty likeable regardless of his questionable conduct.

He has been absolved of responsibility in an attempt to make him more liked than he already was.

He could have been sympathetic simply down to the unsuitable arrangement and being born to fulfil a purpose, something that seems a theme in his lineage.

Now he's another victim. A victim of years of abuse at the hands of this horrible volatile woman who humiliated him every chance she got who he had no choice but to put up with because arranged of the evil institution of arranged marriage. He initiated the divorce, easily, which would have to be on grounds of his adultery

so Stella moved out, but he had to put with years of this marriage, which had the clause of a child being essential, their child is 17.

Stella and Stolas get given the exact same sob story

yet where Stolas was a cute, innocent and inquisitive child who just met his first friend and crush in little Blitzø, Stella was an aggressive scary fiend from day one, so as Stolas grows up to keep some of his childhood attributes, where does this leave Sella? A mean girl at her core?

This is a absolutely what we get, a simply irredeemable villain, a dramatic woman scorned who put a hit on her ex, then when we learn more, she's elevated to a wicked woman who just loves the drama.

With Stolas being a victim now who deserves the transactional relationship with his first crush and Stella being a evil and proud yet probably set to be shadowed by her probably more padded out brother, we also have their neglected daughter.

We don't have any evidence of Stella being a bad or inattentive parent, just because she was a bad wife that one episode, but we also don't know anything about their dynamic, this rare example of a character having parents, having a mother and being of an age of dependency, but nothing.

One interesting thing about Stolas's backstory was that he appeared to have his own palace, no mother only staff, his dad visited and wasn't sure which of his children Stolas was but what he did know was that this particular one had that purpose and this business arrangement had been made for him. Loneliness and the realisation of dysfunction could have served as Stolas's personal conflict in choosing to upkeep the unsuitable relationship, rather than 'Stella is a meangirl'.

We are used to sad backstories, yet we have Octavia, a child being left behind in real time and as grown as she may seem, she's still a kid, yet she manages to be one of the most sensible characters in this.

On top of maybe knowing about the bounty on her dad (pity we never see how his hospitalization impacted on her as his technical only loved one)

and having to be reminded of his cringy hookups with Blitzø (that dirty talk over the phone in her presence, also the reminder that though Blitzø is our likeable leading character, he's someone deeply obnoxious by design) and the time he manages for him,

along with growning up amungst hostility, she is now a child of divorce, which shouldn't be a bad thing considering her parents open dislike of one another and their marriage being something forced, however there are other factors, the back and forth continues dispite her being old enough for neither of them to speak again, along with her birth alone being the contracts completion.

Yet she doesn't ask for much, a dad who's interested on the occasions we see her, hears her and sticks to their plans. She expressed no idealistic wishes for her parents to be back together nor did she feeling the need to know what their issues were nor pick a side and fight for it.

Her interests are in the stars and sky, Stolas's line of work.

When it comes to interest and investment in a subject that could go on to be her trade, Octavia may be up there with the sin leaders we have met so far. She has been show to want to learn and be resourceful, going as far as to sneak into IMP to steal back the travel grimoire in order go about alone a day out she looked forward to.

It wasn't as heartwarming as I'm sure it was intended to be when Octavia's very valid upset undermined by Loona, who truly doesn't know any better, who advised Octavia to cut her dad some slack, Loona who is in her mid 20s and proved that episode that a toddler has more reason and self control than her. But this was Loona's time to shine in her grow up moment before returning to her usual aggressive self, so that's that.

[cc--2224]

Second Impressions

Pairing: Crosshair x GN! Reader

Summary: You expected the worst when the Bad Batch were assigned to be your bodyguards, but first impressions aren't always everything. It doesn't take long for you to get close to them, well, most of them.

Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, mentions of broken bones/injuries

Notes: Can be seen as platonic or romantic, however you'd like! Also, softer than normal Crosshair because I'm into that

Word Count: ~2.5k

Taglist: None, let me know if you'd like to be added!

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Masterlist

You didn't have a chance to react to the nearby explosion before you felt something collide with you. It felt like durasteel barreling into you, you felt a sharp pain and then a weight on top of you before it went quiet. Your eyes were glued shut, fearing what you might see if you opened them.

It was supposed to be a normal day, or at least as normal as it could be. You had been traveling with Clone Force 99 on a series of expeditions, with them acting as somewhat of your bodyguards while you conducted your research on different planets. 

They hadn't really been keen on the assignment at the start, deeming it "too boring to just go around looking at plants" and "not a job worthy of their skills" as you had heard them say. In all fairness, you weren't sold on the idea either, but your protests had fallen on deaf ears. The war had become too dangerous for you to venture out on your own, and nearly every other unit was too preoccupied fighting that war to assist you. 

As your research continued, however, you got used to them, even growing to like them. They were much different than any other clones you had worked with, each of them had enhanced abilities, and incredibly different personalities. Over time, you had begun to consider them your friends. 

Wrecker became willing to help you with the heavy lifting that your job entailed, bringing the larger samples you had to gather back to the ship. Hunter's astute senses started to come in handy when you were tasked to locate rare vegetation that no one seemed to be able to pinpoint the location of. Tech was always okay with having his brain picked whenever you had questions or needed someone to bounce ideas off of. And then there was Crosshair. His sharp eyes, always watching from a distance, never getting too close to you. His tongue was just as sharp as his eye, and the few times he did speak to you, it was never to exchange pleasantries or words of comfort. You were positive that if the others had considered you a friend, Crosshair most certainly did not. 

Your first impression of him left much to be desired, as much as you tried to befriend him.

You learned early on that it was best to let him do his own thing, although there was a part of you that was almost upset by that. You had heard him on more than one occasion joking with the others, and you had tried to use that as an opportunity to speak to him, figuring the other times he was just in a bad mood and now it had been lifted, but when you'd open your mouth, he would close back up. You wished that you could have gotten to know him as well as you had his brothers, but his boundaries were set and you did your best to respect them.

When your research brought you to Felucia, you were slightly apprehensive to go there. You had heard of recent skirmishes between the Republic forces and the Separatists, but decided you would be far enough away from any outposts to get in and out without issue. 

The ship landed about a klick away from the co-ordinates your supervisor had sent you, and when you exited the ship, the dense forest seemed empty. Feeling a false sense of security, you insisted on going to find the fungi you were sampling on your own. The others didn't see any problem with that, so they accepted the idea, but only if you remembered to comm them if there was danger. Their terms seemed reasonable enough, so you agreed and made your way into the forest.

You hadn't been gone long before there was unrest in the Marauder.

"Was it really a wise decision to let them go on their own?" Crosshair asked with his teeth grinding against a toothpick. 

"They'll be fine, there's hardly ever any conflict around here, and definitely not this deep in the forest." Hunter tried, unsuccessfully, to reassure him. 

"If you are so worried about their wellbeing, why did you not go with them?" Tech glanced over at him before looking back to the control panel he had begun fiddling with.

"Yeah, Cross, you like them or something?" Wrecker joined in with more of a teasing tone than his brothers had.

Crosshair simply scowled at all of them in reply before standing from his chair. 

"I'm going to take a look around."

No one said anything else while he made his way outside, but they each exchanged their own secret looks.

His eyes scanned the area, but found no trace of you aside from your footprints in the mud, and thankfully no sign of any danger. But just as he was about to walk to the other side of the ship, he heard the sound of distant blaster fire coming from the direction in which you had taken off. 

Without thinking, he started off into the forest, following your footprints as best as he could. Through the trees, he could see a tank crushing the trees in its path and a patrol of droids following it.

"Kriff." He muttered under his breath as he tried to find your trail again. 

You had gotten lost in your work, you didn't really know where you were relative to any occupied villages on the planet, and you didn't know how long it was taking you to retrieve the samples you were instructed to obtain. Until you had heard blaster fire, you weren't even aware there could be anyone this far out. It sounded far away, so you thought you could finish what you were doing before going back to the ship. The return fire sounded much closer, and this worried you. You sighed and reached for your blaster in case things went awry, but found the holster empty.

This seemed like the kind of danger the others would have expected you to comm about, and just as you were bringing your commlink up to speak, you saw a flash coming toward you, and that's when you felt something colliding with you.

It was dark.

Death? Is that what this was? 

No, your eyes were closed, that's why it was dark. Death wouldn't hurt this much. You were suddenly very aware of a pain radiating from your side into your chest.

But you couldn't find the will to open your eyes, when you did eventually try, your vision was blurry and you were forced to shut them again.

You felt a weight on top of you, halting your movement and shallowing your breath. The nearby conflict you heard, and now the ringing in your ears meant there must have been some kind of explosion. You tried to piece together what just happened, but with limited movement and blurred vision, that task was proving difficult. You must have been lucky enough to miss the explosion, but unlucky enough to be in the range of flying debris, and you couldn't bring your comm up to call for help.

You figured that if death didn't find you already, it soon would.

As you resigned yourself to your fate, you heard a muffled voice, it didn't sound like a battle, it just sounded like one almost desperate voice, you thought you heard it say your name but you couldn't be sure. 

The weight lifted from your chest and you heard the muted sounds of blaster fire before it was silent again. In the silence, you felt your head being lifted slowly from the ground, almost like you were being cradled.

"Please..." The voice returned, becoming more clear. "Wake up." 

Your eyebrows furrowed and a groan sounded from your throat. Slowly, your eyes opened, you had to blink a couple times before you could clearly see the figure holding you.

"Cross..hair?" 

He sighed in relief. "You're okay."

"Y-Yeah but.. what happened?" You tried to sit up on your own, but his hand was still firm on your back, stabilizing you. You felt the sharp pain in your side and your chest more furiously as you breathed in, and you winced in response. "I feel like I was hit by a railspeeder." 

"No, luckily just plastoid." He looked over you, trying to assess any injuries, but he almost looked guilty when he met your eye. "...Sorry." 

You looked at him with a confused expression.

"There was a clanker patrol in the area, must have been targeting a nearby village, but a tank fired this way. I tackled you out of the way, I guess doing so injured you."

You looked down at his chestplate, and pieced together that the impact you felt, as well as the weight on top of you, it had been him. 

"Can you stand?" He asked, standing up slowly and offering you a hand to help you up.

You took it but when you tried standing, the pain you felt in your side became worse, shooting in different directions across your torso and bringing tears to your eyes. 

He stopped trying to help you up and in a swift movement, he carefully scooped you off the ground. 

"We'll take a look at that when we get back to the ship." He said and started walking back.

It took a few moments to feel comfortable, both with your injuries and with his demeanour. He had never expressed interest in being near you, and now he was willingly carrying you back to the ship.

As if he could feel your stare, his eyes darted over to meet yours. "What is it?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?" You asked quietly, still looking at his face intently, like you were trying to draw out his usual annoyed expression.

"What do you mean?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I mean... you never even talk to me. And now you apparently saved my life."

He looked ahead with a stern expression. 

"We were hired as your bodyguards." He reminded you.

"I didn't even know you were there."

"I was wor- …I disagreed that it was safe for you to go out by yourself, and then I heard the blasters, so I came to find you." He paused, considering your earlier words and how he acted toward you prior to this.

In truth, he had seen how close you had gotten to Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech and he didn't feel you had a place for him. He tried to be content to watch from afar as he always had, it was what he was made for after all. Keeping his distance was his role in every mission they took, and he was certain this mission would be no different. But watching from afar, observing the way your eyes lit up when you spoke about your research, your smile that grew when you'd talk to his brothers, everything about your interactions with them planted a bitter, jealous seed inside of him. Knowing they could talk to you so freely, that they could draw those smiles from you, a smile that he wished he could see up close. And knowing that he could too, if he hadn't pushed you away anytime you tried to get near him. He was petulant in the way he craved your affection, while also refusing to get close to you, to let you in, but he'd never admit that to himself much less to you.

"As for not talking to you," He continued, "I'm just… not talkative."

"You're talking now." You countered, and you were met with a slight smirk. "I always assumed you just hated me or something."

He didn't answer for a long time after that. You were nearly at the Marauder when he finally spoke again.

"I never hated you. It just takes time for me to get used to people. I like you." His eyes widened just slightly enough that you notice. "I mean, I like having you around."

You could feel yourself blushing. You tried shifting to bring your face closer to his, but you were unable to without causing yourself more pain. He noticed your movement and stopped for a moment so you could readjust yourself in his arms.

"Crosshair, can you.. come closer for a second." 

He glanced down at you before obliging, bringing his head down so he was level with you. You slowly moved your head toward his and kissed his cheek. 

"Thank you… for saving me."

He snapped his head back and you smiled slightly when you saw the tips of his ears reddening. He didn't say anything, but he gave you an acknowledging nod.

When you finally returned to the ship, Crosshair laid you down gently on your bunk as your injuries were scanned and treated as best as they could be, unfortunately bacta patches wouldn't do much for broken ribs, but bedrest would.

Crosshair kept you company as much as he could while you healed. His visits were often silent, there were many times where he just stood and watched over you. It was awkward at first, but you started to understand that was how he'd feel he was keeping you safe. Although, sometimes he would attempt to get to know you, he's sit at the end of your bunk asking you questions about your research. A topic that would always send you into a verbal frenzy for which he wouldn't accept any apology. On occasion he would also allow you to ask him questions about himself, but there was never any consistency to how much or how little he would tell you. You knew he was trying to open up to you in his own way, and this led you to reconsider how you first felt about him. You wished you hadn't jumped to conclusions about him, but at the same time you were glad that he was willingly opening himself up to you rather than you breaking a boundary by mistake. You began to feel closer to him the more time you spent with him, and you slowly began to understand that he considered you a friend long before the events on Felucia, even though he never made it clear. 

Everything about him felt different now. His discerning eye always watching, somehow always being able to read you with ease regardless of what you did and didn't tell him. His sharp wit always countering your own. You learned that he was never one to exchange pleasantries or offer words of comfort, but you didn't hold it against him as you once had. Even after you had healed, he was more open to speaking with you, when you heard him joking with his brothers, he no longer closed himself off when you approached. Instead, he'd usually make a small joke at your expense. 

Your second impression of Crosshair was much better than the first, now that you understood him more than you thought you had early on.

While you hoped you wouldn't have to deal with a couple broken ribs and bedrest again any time soon, it wasn't the worst thing to happen to you. Although getting even closer to Crosshair without having to go through all of that again would be much more ideal.