#The reason why I'm saying this is because I'm actually freaking out that I'll lose it while walking thru a bridge

[caluski]

It's very true that intrusive thoughts are very often violent and traumatizing. But also just so you know this week I've been carrying an almond in my pants pocket because my brain managed to convince me that I will meet my soulmate while having it on me. I actually tried to throw it out today and couldn't. Got really scared that if I do lose it I will never ever find love. So now I guess me and this almond are bonded for life

[tk-fandom-stuff]

Hi guys it's a Christmas miracle that I actually managed to finish a fic 😝

Anyway enjoy this no crash and no jimjam fic!! If u tag this as ship I'll get u

If you want to read it on ao3 its right here

Fic under the cut!!

Curly stared at the scene in front of him, cursing the fact that his responsibility as captain means he has to deal with stuff like this. Daisuke, with a look on his face somewhere between sheepishness and a pout, is stuck in the emergency foam. With Swansea glaring at the kid like he's the cause of all his problems, unfair, but the kid was trouble sometimes. They've only been on the ship for close to 5 months and there's already been several incidents like this, usually with Daisuke as the unintentional culprit.

Curly can't ever bring himself to be mad at the kid though, he's a good kid and he only wants to help out, he just needs to listen a little better. “Well. I see the issue here.” He says. Swansea's glower is turned on him. “The kid was brought on just to make me suffer!” He snapped, “Intern my ass.” He grouses. Curly sighs, waving Swansea off, “Go, I'll deal with this, I'm the only one with access to the axe case anyway.” He ignores the man's muttering as he storms out of the room, the door closing behind him.

Turning around to face Daisuke, he raises an eyebrow. “How many times has he warned you not to mess with the vent now?” The kid pouts, “I was just trying to help! How was I supposed to know it would trigger the emergency foam?” He wiggles a bit while he's talking, trying to free his hands from the foam. He gets one out and starts slowly digging out the other hand, which is quite a ways deeper in the foam than the other one was. Curly clears his throat, and when Daisuke looks up at him, gives him a stern look.

“You should know better than to mess with the vent, it's collapsed inside since before this voyage and you've been told that it's too dangerous for even Swansea to try and fix.” He raised an eyebrow. “You've only worked on this ship for 5 months, you're nowhere near qualified enough to fix the vent, it could kill you if you try, at the least it would hurt you pretty bad.” As he's speaking, Daisuke droops, ashamed and embarrassed. He sighs, ruffling the kids' hair. “I'm not mad at you, kid, I don't want you to get hurt and Swansea doesn't either. It's why he's so hard on you.” He gives him a reassuring smile, which Daisuke hesitantly returns.

Curly stepped away to get the axe out of its case, pulling out the code scanner to make sure he puts in the right code. When he grabs the axe and starts walking back, he sighs as he sees Daisuke's nervous look. “Can't you just use your hands and pull me out? I got my hand out on my own” He says with an uneasy grin. Curly leans the axe nearby, resigning himself to calming the kid down. “It's too thick for me to pull you out of it, the only reason you could get your hand out was because it wasn't deep in the foam. And,” He raised an eyebrow. “You wouldn't be in this situation if you had just listened to Swansea.” He shrugged.

Daisuke still looked hesitant, and Curly struggled to think of something to help the kid calm down. The last thing he wanted was him freaking out and getting hit with the axe on accident. He thinks back to earlier in the week during game night, after losing at sorry for the third time in a row Anya had started to tickle him to distract him from the game. The tickle fight that happened could have gone down in history. It would calm him down, and Daisuke never seems to mind it. Plus, maybe it would finally stick that he needs to be more careful and listen to what he's told.

He raises a hand and starts poking at Daisuke's side, grinning at the immediate giggles it elicited. It was always hard not to smile when Daisuke laughed, he's so bright and energetic that his joy and laughter are contagious. “Waihahait!” He squealed and covered his face with his free hand as Curly moved to scribble at his belly. “Daisuke, I'm not even doing anything,” he laughs softly. “Liahahar!” He shrieked when Curly poked at his belly button.

Curly stopped to give Daisuke a moment to breathe before smirking at him. “Is that any way to talk to your captain?” Daisukes eyes go wide. “Waihahait! I dihihidn't mehehean it! Dohohohn’t!” He pleaded as Curly reached for his free hand. He halfheartedly tries to squirm away, but the foam might as well have been concrete with how tough it was to move through it.

Curly, pausing as he gets a slightly evil idea, hums to himself. “don't what?” He asks, hiding a grin. Daisuke walks right into his trap, “tihihickle mehehe!” He giggles out. Daisuke freezes, eyes wide, as he realizes that he just fell for the oldest trick in the book, and one that he himself uses often. His nervous anticipatory smile grows as he stares at the silently grinning captain.

Curly lightly drags his nails around his palm and down his arm, listening to Daisuke's panicked laughter fluctuate as he goes back and forth. “Awww does it tickle, Daiske?” He can't help but tease. He's met with squeaky giggles as he draws closer to his palm.

Curly waited, letting the anticipation build until Daisuke started to get fidgety. Then he strikes, spidering down his arm and scratching at the palm of his hand. Daisuke's giggles get wilder as he unsuccessfully instinctively tries to pull his hand away.

After a moment, he lets go of Daisuke's hand, giving him a moment to breathe. “Alright kid, let's get you out of that foam.” Curly said, picking up the axe from its resting spot. Daisuke nods, still giggling slightly, waiting for Curly to chop through the thick foam before shaking out his body from being trapped in the foam for a while.

When free, he rubs at his palm, chasing away residual tingles. He seems to remember what got his stuck in the foam in the first place, and his head droops, expecting a reprimand. Curly sighs softly, pulling Daisuke into a side hug and ruffling his hair. “Like I said, nobody's truly mad at you, just worried because you could have gotten hurt or worse. Just don't do it again and you'll be fine.” He grins at him, and Daisuke smiles back.

“And you should cheer up, don't think I won't go for round two. Now, go help Swansea, I'm sure he needs your help right now. ” He says, poking Daisuke in the side a couple of times. Daisuke squeaks and moves away a bit. “Okahahahay! Message received!” He laughed out, walking towards the door. He pauses at the entrance for a moment. “Thanks Curly.” He says with an embarrassed flush, before scampering out of the room. Curly watches him go with a fond smile, turning around to get rid of the rest of the foam.

[exaltedfuzz]

hiii! this is really random but i was looking at your pinned comic again and what do you think gant meant whenever he would talk about swimming? idk if it's because there was so much going on while playing the case, but i could never really figure out if there was more to it and im curious about your interpretation if you dont mind !!

Well, honestly, I think it's threatening enough if it's just swimming. (Speaking as someone who can't swim, haha.)

Seriously though, I think it's a combination "let's be better friends and have fun" with an undercurrent of "you know I could hold your head under water at any time and everyone would think it was a freak accident". Because swimming can be brushed off so easily as simply something fun, there's a sort of gaslighting there too. Like "Now loosen up... why did you think I'd drown you? We're just having a good time, aren't we?" This sense of constant threat in something so supposedly happy. Just like Gant himself.

As for swimming with Lana, although he never proposes this in game, it's what I had in the comic, so I'll put some of the thoughts behind it here.

I'd imagine it as a purposeful disarming tactic again. Lana's design, I feel, is a collection of things to keep her looking strong, and importantly, to cover up her weak points. Her shoulders need squaring up, so she wears military style epaulettes. She's shorter than Gant, so she wears heels. She can't have her throat vulnerable, so she wears a scarf. One that's interesting is the medals. Firstly, her heart is the reason why she was able to be manipulated so entirely, since everything she did was to protect Ema, but the medals are on the wrong side of her chest to keep her heart locked behind her achievements. And Gant knows this, he flat out says it in game - that he "knew Lana" and knew that if Ema was implicated, she'd do "anything and everything he wanted" (don't remember who says this, think it might be Nick), despite being someone who "hated anything corrupt" (Angel). Second, I think this means Lana is a bit insecure. None of the other King of Prosecutors winners that we see (Edgeworth, Manfred) have any desire to show off the medals they presumably have (and though I know this is partly because they didn't exist when they were being designed, I also think it's interesting from an in-universe standpoint) so I think Lana is clutching at the things she can tangibly show off. (Interestingly, this actually makes her slightly like the other Chief Prosecutor we see, [Blaise] Winner. He's covered in the badges... I won't spoil AAI2 for what they are, but... The means by which they each obtained their medals and what they point to about them is, now that I'm thinking about it, a really interesting parallel. But that isn't the point.) She does the same thing with her grades, tells you she was the best in her class. I think that without these accolades she'd feel completely useless, so, this brings me to swimming.

Obviously, swimming, you're half naked. I propose that Lana's insecurities extend to this. Seems the sort to be arms folded in a T-shirt and jeans at a pool party. So, I think an invitation to swim with Gant would be something designed to unsettle her and make her uncomfortable, make her lose all her neatly put together armour. I'm not keen to read potential sexual motives into it, for Lana's sake. That poor woman has really been through enough with what's contained in the canonical text. But certainly, Gant would use it as a means of preying on her insecurities and pushing her buttons re: covering up vulnerabilities. The threat of being scrutinised, without any shields (chipped or not) under Gant's uncomfortably long stare, would be terrifying. I think with Gant, it's always the threat of how entirely unknowable he is. Of course, that unknowable-ness leads to him murdering two people as almost a reflex action, and all he seems to care about is making pawns and raising himself up.

Also, since it's water, it's a sort of washing the blood away style thing. Actually, now that I write that, when you look at Gant's design, he's got a huge cross on him. (And parts of his design went into Strongheart, who has a sort of clergyman-style coat) Maybe there's a bit of a baptism/washing away sins Christian style thing going on there. Not to mention the massive church organ in his office. (On Gant's cross tie, actually, something I noticed and found really interesting was that there's so much "red around neck" in RFTA. Gant's tie, Lana's scarf, Ema's bow, Jake's neckerchief, Angel's little octopus hotdog thing, the suit of armour in Gant's office even has a red scarf style thing. Something about the chains heavy around all of their necks. Naturally the most assertive red is Gant's, since not only does it branch out like a marionette controller, but at the center of it is his big badge. So having the chief position has given him control over all these other "red around neck" people, ready to tighten up the noose at any time. I'd say Angel gives credence to this too. She has the least red going on, and she's the only one who doesn't work there anymore. It's also not actually the thing around her neck, which is a black choker, but an accessory that she's attached to it. Emblematic of her really choosing to go back into this world however she can, and that includes emulating the "red string of fate", as it were. Neil's tie is pink (which is light red) so it's faded into memory, and Bruce's is blue with white spots. Now, this doesn't seem like red, but blood is red too, and the luminol reaction is blue. So this is the discovery point, if that makes sense. Where the red has been revealed to be blood under the blacklight, and things start to become undone. Ultimately, as well, the "white spots" become the holes in Gant and Lana's plan, so I think there's something there! But that isn't the point of the post.)

One thing I find interesting about "swimming" in particular is Gant's theming. His damage sprite is him going completely nuts electrical style. So maybe...

Thanks for your ask, sorry for going off on one. Hope I answered your question, haha!

[goodnightmemes]

DEXTER SEASON FOUR SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ There's this cliche where serial killers are always described as, "quiet, kept to himself, kind of a loner." It's a cliche for a reason.❜

❛ How much are we living the dream? ❜

❛ I need a good kill. ❜

❛ The coroner can suck my uncircumcised dick If he doesn't rule this a homicide. ❜

❛ You know, when things are going good, I think that's god's way of saying to cover your ass, because something's gonna jump up and bite it, hard. ❜

❛ Who knew life could get so... unsimple? ❜

❛ Fuck off and die. Then die again. ❜

❛ Blood tells. Blood always tells. ❜

❛ Not really anybody else I can tell about that, you know? ❜

❛ I've already lost my innocence. I'm not going to sacrifice yours too. ❜

❛ Life has a natural forward momentum. Certain things are inevitable. ❜

❛ My keen forensic sense of smell tells me you're wearing new perfume. ❜

❛ If you smell me again, I'll punch you in the throat. ❜

❛ You've got a family to support and people to dismember. You're spinning too many plates. ❜

❛ Dude, there's no "me" in "team.". Well, technically there is, but… ❜

❛ We could grab dinner, review the case, maybe catch a bad guy. ❜

❛ I was off my game. Sloppy. ❜

❛ For the first time in so long, I'm actually...happy. ❜

❛ So if you've come back here to rekindle something between us, it's not gonna happen. ❜

❛ Dude, seriously, 86 the caffeine. You're freaking me out. ❜

❛ The danger of community is that the people who don't belong are looked upon with suspicion. Those of us who prefer to work by ourselves, The lone wolves, risk being singled out. ❜

❛ This blending in thing isn't as easy as it looks. ❜

❛ How come you never make the coffee, even if you're up first? ❜

❛ Climb in the back. You'll be right on the subwoofer. You can feel the bass in your spine. ❜

❛ Great, security lights. Just what every serial killer needs. ❜

❛ I hope you're not taking any of this seriously. ❜

❛ I'd know that foul mouth anywhere. ❜

❛ Wow. That's impressive. In a very evil way. ❜

❛ People like us don't really belong anywhere. We just pass through. ❜

❛ When you're angry, you're very sexy, so this could be sort of a win-win for me. ❜

❛ You're exactly the same as me, just in a much prettier package. ❜

❛ Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it's the very people who are supposed to be protecting us:. ❜

❛ Don't make me come up with thought bubbles to put over those silent looks of yours. Just say what you're thinking. ❜

❛ I thought I could keep my feelings for you as background noise to this investigation. But, in working with you, that noise has gotten...loud. ❜

❛ You're the one who wanted a challenge. And now you've batted the beehive. ❜

❛ I never leave anything to chance. ❜

❛ What, are you gonna murder me too? Like you murdered your family? ❜

❛ You're sick. I know what you did. I have proof. ❜

❛ Go ahead. Tell them. No one is going to believe you over me. ❜

❛ You can't hide what you are. ❜

❛ You're going to have to choose. You will choose your life over theirs. ❜

❛ I'd rather risk them knowing the truth...than lose them. ❜

❛ Don't go disappearing on me again. ❜

❛ Every crime scene is a jigsaw puzzle. So many pieces. Assemble them right, a picture forms. ❜

❛ I didn't feel anything. I didn't even know I'd been hit until I was on the ground. ❜

❛ You deserve so much better. ❜

❛ So much work. But I have to finish what I started, right? ❜

❛ You fucked me to thank me? ❜

❛ So when do you suppose it'll be a good time to discuss why you lied to me? ❜

❛ This isn't about choices or even about you. Sometimes bad things just happen. ❜

❛ That's the answer to this? Bad things happen? ❜

❛ I know this doesn't change what happened, but hopefully you'll find some peace of mind knowing this thing's over. ❜

❛ What the fuck's your problem? You have everything, and you're doing your goddamn best to throw it all away. ❜

❛ I'm the fuck-up in the family. Not you. ❜

❛ It doesn't matter what I do. Or what I choose. I'm what's wrong. ❜

❛ If I'm not hurting myself, I'm hurting everyone around me. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm... I'm broken. ❜

❛ The most disturbing thing about your lying is that... I'm beginning to see just how good you really are at it. ❜

❛ I'm perfectly comfortable with bodily fluids: blood, snot, tears. But the emotions that go along with them, not so much. ❜

❛ I don't want to keep making the same mistakes. ❜

❛ I need a partner. Someone I can trust. Unless you can be completely honest with me...I don't want to do this anymore. ❜

❛ She's picturing her life without me, and I can't picture mine without her. ❜

❛ He can only be honest with the dead. ❜

❛ People just do this? Say what they're thinking? Out loud? ❜

❛ How are we supposed to decide what's more important? Our jobs or each other? ❜

❛ I had to evolve. It was the only way to survive. ❜

❛ As much as we might like some things to remain suspended in time, they never do. ❜

❛ The last thing I need is a reporter snooping around my house, my family, me. ❜

❛ Take a bullet and suddenly you're everybody's best friend. ❜

❛ Fat Jesus on a bike, get me out of here. ❜

❛ Sorry I'm late. Actually, that's bullshit. I'm not late. I was hiding at the end of the hall. ❜

❛ You taught me a lot of things I learned were wrong. ❜

❛ Isn't that what life is? A risk? ❜

❛ Okay, two serial killers go for a ride...Why do I get the feeling this joke ends with only one of them coming back? ❜

❛ It's every father's nightmare...disappointing his children. ❜

❛ Life is hard, and it's brutal and ugly, and way too fucking short. ❜

❛ The slightest lapse of judgment can be a mistake you might never recover from. ❜

❛ I killed an innocent man. ❜

❛ No, no "should'ves." I don't do "should'ves." That's not me. ❜

❛ I really do need to stab something. ❜

❛ Maybe you could show some of that same bravery by sharing what's bothering you. ❜

❛ There are few things harder to bear than remorse. ❜

❛ Guilt. Remorse. It's what separates us from the animals. ❜

❛ The best deed I can do is rid the world of you. ❜

❛ How about a little support? You know, like a hug?  Or an "everything's gonna be all right"? ❜

❛ We all need to confess our mistakes, so we can go into the light unburdened. ❜

❛ Jesus, they're just tits. ❜

❛ No more confessions, no more good deeds, and no more fucking remorse. ❜

❛ This isn't how you die. ❜

❛ Maybe only monsters feel no regret. If erring is human, then remorse must be too. ❜

❛ You should have just let him die. ❜

❛ Wow. You can make anything sound perverted. ❜

❛ I don't have to be on my own. I could be with you. ❜

❛ If you're nice to me, I can be nice to you. ❜

❛ You never know when you wake up in the morning what the day will bring. ❜

❛ Your life is a lie! These are lies! ❜

❛ I know who you really are. You're a killer. Sucking the fucking life out of all of us! ❜

❛ I should have fucking killed you when I had the chance. ❜

❛ There is a great big shit-ugly world out there. The bad stuff doesn't just end at your doorstep. ❜

❛ You can help put an end to all of it. The sins of your father. ❜

❛ You always did have a soft spot for kids.  They remind you of what you lost. Innocence. ❜

❛ I think I'm in trouble. ❜

❛ You put yourself at risk...for me. ❜

❛ I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, I promise you. ❜

❛ Walk away. This doesn't concern you. ❜

❛ I promise you, no one's ever gonna hurt you again. Especially me. ❜

❛ Who are any of us, really? We all have our public life, our private life… ❜

❛ We can play who's a bigger asshole, but I guarantee you, I'll win. ❜

❛ I don't want to talk about your daddy issues, okay? ❜

❛ One day, I grew up, and I realized my father wasn't the end-all, and it didn't matter what he thought of me, because I realized I didn't think that much of him anymore either. ❜

❛ You think just because you shared, I'm gonna open up? You watch too much tv. ❜

❛ What this tells me is you've been lying to me from the very beginning. ❜

❛ I can only marvel at the level of cynicism. ❜

❛ You're putting us both at risk. It isn't safe for us to talk. ❜

❛ I would never do anything to put you in danger. ❜

❛ You did this to yourself. You're on your own. ❜

❛ Could really use some family right about now, and you're it. ❜

❛ I knew finding his killer wouldn't bring him back, but...I thought it would bring something. ❜

❛ I want you to disappear from my life. Like a ghost. A really annoying ghost. ❜

❛ I couldn't care less about your life. Or death. Unless you get in my way. ❜

❛ If I were you, I'd give up vigilante-ism. You're not very good at it. ❜

❛ You do not want to question my loyalty to my family.  ❜

❛ I have to be the one to kill him. I have to know he's gone. ❜

❛ How is it I can kill people and feel no regret...but disappointing [name] makes me feel like the scum of the earth? ❜

❛ Sometimes I'm... just going along, and everything seems okay, and then this...darkness creeps in, and it takes over. ❜

❛ Don't ever question me! I gave you everything you have. I will take it all away! ❜

❛ You have your demons. I accept that. Because I know that you don't have to be a slave to them. ❜

❛ I know you, better than you know yourself. You can conquer whatever darkness there is in you. I know you can. ❜

❛ We create our own destiny every day we live. ❜

❛ If you hadn't been in my life, I wouldn't be who I am. You've given me confidence and support. And you've been the one constantly good thing in my life. ❜

❛ I can't believe there was a time when I actually thought I could learn something from you. ❜

❛ You can't control the demon inside of you any more than I can control mine. ❜

❛ You're like a child. You dream of a heaven you'll never see. ❜

❛ I accept...nothing. Nothing is inevitable. ❜

❛ It's already over. ❜

❛ Life doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be...lived. ❜

❛ Born in blood. Both of us. ❜

❛ I thought I could change what I am, keep my family safe. But it doesn't matter what I do, what I choose. I'm what's wrong. This is fate. ❜

[mblue-art]

Sorry for that question but I really curious!

What made you fell in love with Cross and Lust?

Tell us more!!

😳😳😳 hhuh what rreally,, , ,,, 😳 u wanna hear me yap abt my sillies, my beloveds,,, (i appreciate the enthusiasm tho omg 🥺🫶🫶🫶)

i want to have the yuris with lust and the yaois with cross I I MEAN HWHWAT 🧍‍♂️

UM.

haha anyWAY,, (oh gog this ended up long)

🍫—

cross checks so many boxes for me it makes me go insane. too good to be true. versatile(??)— like it's somehow way too easy to put him in Situations. (he's bf and husbone material??? just -20hp me now; that already kills me) he's. hh. gawddamn there's reasons why he won a utmv sans sexyman poll.

he's like a crush that you can't get out of your head no matter what you do, i'm so freaking down bad for him it's not even funny anymore. ever since simping for cross i have not been the same since. the man has changed me. the attraction/simp feelings hit me like a bat out of nowhere and i don't understand why it's so intense— i. hh.

,,i like when ppl make him dorky. stupidly silly (absolutely love shitpost shenanigans and would absolutely LOVE to get into silly shenanigans with him and with/without his bestie epic). fun to be around when he's deemed you as a good friend. stars, he'd give good hugs. strong, solid, and warm, the kind of hugs u don't wanna pull away from so soon. a little endearingly cringe. fanon simp cross is adorable and fun to mess around with. tsundere cross is adorable and fun to mess with. cute anxious guy under all that intimidating aloofness. when i say his smile is an absolute treasure, i mean that. his blush making him look like a grape or a glowing bulb is adorable and makes me wanna tease him more. anime protag/character vibes so strong i wanna have a cute bl/shoujo manga romance with him type shit yk.

then there's times when he's The Hot Dude and i think it's illegal if he's all confident and smug and dom actually (/hj) cause that makes me wanna fucking fite him HELLO? SIR? ILLEGAL????? (<- the fight or flight response of a tsundere towards a milder tsundere LOL).

-hp every single time. mf gets successful d20 rolls w/ rizz on me and i get a critical hit every time. it's a 50/50 either i fluster to death and become weak or i wanna fite his dumbass

i'll. i can fight him. i'll lose but i can fight him for sure. (why is he so cool⁉️‼️💢💢💢RRRRRRR)

he makes me feel things. lots of things. (mostly fluster but when i'm feelin sooper soff i jst wanna shower his skull in keeses. ima kissy lil guy)

tired cross makes me just wanna take care of him. want him to come home to me without any worry because he thinks i'm his safe space.

when he's being stubborn i want to tell him to chill out for a little while, take a break and watch some funny stuff while drinking choccy milk or eating his fav foods and be cozy. bapping him if he's gonna try to get out of this too soon. he's gonna get the free time he deserves n relax n get cuddles n kithes.

the way he can gently hold my hand and look at me with a sincere look in his eyelights and say something genuinely affectionate feels like cupid shooting an arrow through my soul, but also feels like a balm. (a promise of loyalty and faithfulness.) (a kiss on the forehead? a cherry on top.)

well now i can't be mean to him with all the nice he's saying and doing. i just want nice things for him o(-< (even if he's a bastard sometimes lol<3 all circles back to the silly) (silly is always important)

💜—

i love lust. so so so much. the fanon interpretation of him, anyway.

(don't get me wrong, i absolutely adore the feminine slay content of lust; but am i wrong for yearning for more masc lust content?)

i like my lust sans respectful, goofy, sans-like, an absolute sweetheart, and a caring, wonderful life partner. under the flirty personality and charm(ing looks), is a sans behavior that made me fall deeper. (he makes me feel very gender too) (ohmygofd yeah no he actually makes me think of gender sometimes rauauagrrgh<3/pos). i don't have to worry about showing my cring, weird side to him, because he's also a gremlin,, o(-< he doesn't have to present himself all nice and pretty all the time (although he's always pretty in my eyes). he can be comfortably himself; with me 🥺

i want to be his safe space.

i want to see him heal and be happy and be happy with me and give him all the love i can give and care for him and make him soso happy i just want him to feel SO sosososo loved, he deserves so much more

he's the only one who's able to get a certain reaction out of me; to pull flowers out of my heart. to pull out words of love and devotion and appreciation, heart bursting with affection only for him.

for him, i would try. i would live for him. i wish someone like him (the him i've created from interpretations and headcanons) was real irl.

i want to not care i don't care if he's a gorgeous well-known person that people fawn over, or if he's a campus crush, etc.,

i want him to think i'm worthy enough to keep in his life. for him to know how special he is to me, for him to know how much i want him in my life as much as i want him to keep me in his.

my immediate reaction when i think of him is: 😊💕💜💜💜eeeee kicks and giggles and flaps hands teehee

i love him so much i get a heart-on for him (/silly but it is true sometimes; love him so much it aches (in a good way))

[findafight]

Not me writing a prologue for a fic I'll maybe never write about Steve being on the Dream Team lmao. I saw a pro basketball player Steve post a while ago and couldn't stop thinking about it. Anyways-

At the end of March Madness in 1989, the scout for the Pacers has lunch with the head coach of a community college basketball team that somehow made it to the first round before being pulverized. They sit across from each other, the coach seemingly a bit overwhelmed but not outright surprised. That's good, it means Jerry, the scout, doesn't have to worry about him freaking out or babbling too much.

The team captain had caught his, and possibly others', eye. Good layups, a few three pointers, solid defence, and a helluva lot of potential add up to someone to keep an eye on, except they can't because the guy plays for a rinky-dink community college and only had one televised game. The only reason Jerry saw the kid is because the Roane County Community College Ospreys had put in a hell of a fight the past three seasons. Jerry wonders why the hell the kid hadn't been offered a scholarship somewhere...not Roane County. Doesn't matter though, because they're here now.

"so. You wanted to talk about Steve?" Says the coach, August Nearaly, a bit weary.

Jerry nods, sipping his coffee. "Yeah. Wanted to get a sense of him before I actually talked to him."

August sighs. "As a player or as a person?"

Raising his eyebrows. "Is he that different off the court?"

"no! No, not like how you probably think. Harrington's a sweet kid, but also incredibly...well, not weird, but. Peculiar? He's got quirks. Bit paranoid, but not in a conspiracy way. In a 'no one should walk home alone in the dark' or 'hey, where'd John go? He was right here and then I did a headcount and he's not?' kinda way. Y'know? Like, they're all adults, but he does headcounts and worries anyways."

"huh. Oookay?"

"it-- I'm not saying this to rag on him, to be clear. It just too a while to get used to. Honestly, it's been good for team building. Makes them think of each other not as individuals, but part of a unit that needs everyone healthy and whole to work."

"that's good. He's a team player."

"oh yeah. It's not surprising, really. He's from Hawkins." August says the name like Jerry should know what that means. It's a town, sure, but other than that... Jerry's at a loss. Maybe something a few years ago about a fire? "He has most assists in Osprey history. Some of the guys joke that he's allergic to the ball."

"He's good on the court?"

"Jerry. I know you're here because you saw the March Madness game. You know he's good. He'd be even better if he could afford those fancy prescription goggles Horace Grant wears."

"seriously? Why not contacts?"

"don't make them for his prescription. You didn't see his interview? Kid's got thick horn rimmed glasses. Too many concussions apparently. God knows how he tells players apart when the jersey colours are similar."

"shit. That's why he was squinting the whole time? I thought he was just stressed."

He shrugged. "eh. Probably a bit of both. He takes it seriously, but not too seriously. Y'know? Half the guys were shitting themselves from nerves and Harrington stands up in the locker room, hands on his hips, and gives a speech worthy of the most melodramatic underdog sports movie."

Jerry laughs. "No shit."

Waving his hands, August nods. "no shit! He says all this stuff like 'we worked hard...we deserve this...we may not win but let's do our damn best. The worst that could happen is we lose, and that isn't the end of the world. So let's go out there and play some basketball!' or something, his was better, and the boys cheer. Then they put in fifty points to one-thirty."

Jerry winces. "Must have hurt, huh?"

August grins. "No way. One of the best games they ever played. You saw it. You wouldn't be here if you hadn't. They played their goddamn hearts out." He leans forward. "My boys don't have the same facilities as the big universities, or the funding to offer scholarships. They're at Roane Community because they want a degree or certificate but have other responsibilities. Parents or siblings to stay close to, jobs to work, people to take care of. They joined my team because they like playing basketball, loved the game and wanted to spend some of their precious time playing it. They put the work in on the court and off it. And we made it to the NCAA tournament because of it. We put in fifty points against the goddamn Michigan Wolverines! The champs! And they knew that. I've never heard of a locker room after an 80 point defeat so happy."

"seriously?"

It's all pride when Coach Nearaly says "yep. They may not be the best basketball players in college, but my god, they're probably the best team."

"because of Harrington?"

"partly. They all contribute, make sure they do things right. It's not a one man show, that's the point. They rally around him, but they all are part of the team, and know it. That's what Steve makes sure. Why I made him captain."

"So, you think he'd be a good pick for the Pacers?" This is, after all, a business meeting.

August nods, picks at his pancakes. "I'll be honest with you Jerry. You're not the first scout to talk to me about Steve."

"really? Who?"

"you know I won't say. But, between me and you, Steve's Indiana born and bred. His wife's planning on getting some lib Arts degree in Chicago or Indy, and your offer might be the deciding factor for them."

Jerry blinks. "He's married? At, what? Twenty-one?"

August nods. "Just turned twenty-two. High school sweethearts or something. Obsessed with each other." He chuckled, a bit ruefully. "I'm a bit jaded but damn. You mention her name? He lights up like the fuckin Fourth of July."

Jerry whistles. "Honeymoon phase gets us all."

"for almost two years? Nah. It's just love." It sounds a little wistful, coming from August. "Anyways. I dunno if the other team is serious about him, and if they are, they'll probably be disappointed. Kid isn't moving out of the Midwest. He's got family here, and is getting a goddamn elementary education degree. He won't uproot his life for a chance at the NBA. But, if you offer. Well. He'd at least seriously consider it."

Humming, Jerry chews his eggs as he thinks. "You think he'd be up for the lifestyle? The road games out numbering home ones?"

There's an air of seriousness when August levels Jerry with a look. "If he doesn't want to, he'll tell you. You gotta give him time to talk to his family though. This offer? It'll come out of left field for him, even if I give him a heads up. You get that, yeah? You want to recruit a kindergarten teacher to the NBA without any build up. He needs time to process that and then see where the people in his life are at with it."

"I guess it is unusual."

"try being the community college basketball coach getting two goddamn calls from NBA scouts. Thought I was hallucinating."

Jerry laughs, counts some bills for the tip. "Thank you. For your time and insights. Let Steve know I'll call tomorrow?"

"will do. He'll still probably drob the phone on you, though."

"as long as he doesn't hang up!"

[twstjam]

I have some writing juices today but idk if I'll finish something enough to post so here are some "Malleyuu scenes I can see vividly in my head and really want to write but haven't gotten around to yet" because who knows WHEN if ever I'll write these.

(DISCLAIMER: It's not specified but these are all set in aus!! Canon compliance? I'm sure she's lovely but I don't know her)

Scene where Yuu wakes up in the Draconias' castle after being rescued by Prince Malleus (secretly their bestie Tsunotarou) and they get dragged around by the castle staff into a warm bath, fitted into fancy castle clothes, and guided to an extravagant dining table to have a mouth-watering breakfast. Everyone is making a fuss about how Yuu is the prince's special guest so they HAVE to be served flawlessly and have all their needs met, meanwhile Yuu is just. Incredibly confused.

Scene where Yuu gets attacked/kidnapped and the Heartslabyul boys are there to save them, but suddenly a bigass dragon shows up out of nowhere and ofc everyone is scared shitless. The dragon fucks up the attackers/kidnappers so Heartslabyul and Yuu take their chance to flee. Before they can get away though, the dragon swoops down on them. They all drop to the ground, but the dragon manages to snatch up Yuu in its claws (with Grim squished in there too) and flies off with them.

Yuu gets kidnapped part 2: Heartslabyul FREAKS out bcs of course they do their friend just got yoinked by a DRAGON. But when Adeuce go to save them (against Riddle's orders ofc. It's too dangerous and he didn't wanna risk losing them too 🥺) they're unexpectedly welcomed into the Draconias' castle and instead of seeing their friends in peril like they expected, they stumble upon the strange sight of Yuu and Grim living luxuriously; being fed the most delicious foods, sleeping on the silkiest sheets, and being dressed in the finest clothes. Neither Yuu and Grim know wtf is going on either but they're not complaining.

Scene where Yuu gets a message from their friend Tsunotarou to evacuate the people of their town. Tsunotarou doesn't explain why, but Yuu trusts him so they do as he says. After evacuating, Yuu along with the townsfolk watch from afar as an army of fae led by dragons descend upon the kingdom.

Possible part 2 to the previous one? The country's been liberated from the tyrant king or whatever and the fae are helping the humans get back on their feet or smthg. Anyways scene where Yuu is either: a) summoned to stand before the fae royalty (THE DRAGONS) b) VISITED by the fae royalty (still THE DRAGONS) and for both they think they're in big trouble for whatever reason but then PLOT TWIST one of the dragons is TSUNOTAROU!!!! (these two last ones could fit into my one-shot "Break in the Clouds" actually :O)

[savemeafruitjuice]

TMNT 2012 Headcannons Because I Can't Function Well Enough to Make a Fic

yeah I'm sorry for not being able to write super well rn,,, but I'll make headcannons to make up for it!

TMNT 2012 HCS! (Slight spoilers! Don't read if you haven't finished season 4!)

TW!: Some Swearing! (my bad)

why does he look like that- /j

Leo

Lee:

I feel like he's decently ticklish but hides it most of the time because of his "I want to look super professional and ninja-y" persona, but there are times when he can't help it.

Worst spot is probably his sides (I've seen this around and it just suits him)

Second worst is likely tied between his feet and underarms

After the battle with Shredder and his vocal cords were trashed, his laugh is much more raspy and doesn't get very loud. Shrieky giggles at most.

Hasn't effected his sensitivity though.

Will squirm like his life depends on it, but generally is sapped of his strength after a few seconds.

Splinter would tickle them as tots, but as they got older it became less and less common.

However, when Leo became more edgy and stoic, his dad came around to make sure he kept smiling.

Gets tickled the most by Splinter and Raph

If asked, won't downright admit to being ticklish, but definitely won't deny it if it's with someone he's comfortable with.

Karai had to do some serious coaxing to get him to let her, but after that she continuously pokes at him to catch him off guard, sometimes even full on tickling him until he can't remember his own name.

All ideas for attack and protection go out the window as soon as he's tickled

Just flops around a bunch

Can't take multiple lers at a time unless it's light tickling- he almost instantly crumbles

Gets really flustered hearing "the t-word"

He'll blush and stutter, looking all taken-aback

Will literally always get his ler back

Unless it's Splinter, he only tried that once as a tot- never again.

Ler

Big brother privileges galore

If Leo's in a good mood, he'll take any and every opportunity he can to wreck his siblings

Tickles all of his brothers equally, but it's really just a matter of who needs it the most, as well as who happens to fall into his sight.

Likes using cheer-up tickles- and needs to. (These poor children are so traumatized)

Tickles vary between scribbling and poking, to squeezing and wiggling his fingers.

Isn't suuuper ruthless, but his brothers still fear him.

Especially if they've made him mad.

If so, it's game over.

Is also very teasy.

Will avoid saying the word because it flusters him as well, but still makes sure to embarrass his little siblings to no end.

I feel like he'd laugh along with his lee, making notes on the silly faces and noises they make.

The most common reason of being forced to take his wrath is refusing to move from in front of the tv while he watches Space Heroes.

Likely a ler-leaning switch

Donnie

Lee:

Donatello looks like he's super ticklish.

And absolutely is.

Worst spots are underarms, thighs, and general stomach-area, but he's definitely ticklish everywhere

Screeches and flails when tickled no matter how light

Laugh is pretty loud, but his giggles are very light and airy.

Will beg the entire time, but doesn't actually mind being tickled all that much.

There was a time when April found out he was ticklish (she walked in on Mikey wrecking his shit) and joined in.

Let's just say his face had never been as red as it was then.

Is tickled the most for not sleeping for literal days straight, or for freaking out, but there are times when his brothers (+ April and sometimes Casey) just tickle him to mess with him.

If multiple people are tickling him, he just completely loses himself.

Don isn't able to formulate words, his face goes beet red, and will go limp after a while.

If April is tickling him, he is so terrified of accidentally hurting her that he just stops moving- complete bodily shut down.

He still laughs and pleads with her, but refuses to move an inch, barely even pulling him arms down to protect himself. He gets teased about it so much too.

That completely flips if it's his brothers though, slapping and punching and kicking so much that it's the main priority to pin him down, rather than actually tickle him.

Actually cries very easily when being tickled

Gave his fam a big scare the first time it happened

Cannot take teasing.

He will hide in his shell until he either feels safe again or is forced out.

Such forcing is done by giving him raspberries on his shell. (The method was discovered by Mikey, and was passed down to everyone they know)

Ler

I don't see him as much of a ler, but let's give it a shot anyways.

Isn't very teasy per se, but there are lots of little things he does that fluster his lee regardless.

Things like creeping his hands close to a tickle spot before actually getting it, pausing every once in a while, things like that.

Doesn't really say much, and kinda just stares at whoever he's tickling. Especially April.

After everyone started noticing this, he switched to giving compliments sometimes so it was less awkward.

Tickles Mikey and April the most, but it's still pretty rare.

Has pretty light tickles

Spidering, soft scratching, and tracing are his go to.

Has only tickled April a couple of times, but it didn't go on for very long because 1) He got too shy, 2) He didn't want to hurt her, and 3) She turns the tables every time.

In all the times he's tickled people, there was only a time or two that they didn't get him back.

Almost completely a lee.

Raph

Lee:

I'm not sure where his worst spot would be, but for sure has a really ticklish torso and neck. Also Underarms.

I love that he's canonically ticklish- it's just so wonderful.

Gets tickled the most by Mikey (much to his embarrassment), but Leo is a close second, followed by Mona.

His laugh is surprisingly high-pitched, making a prime topic for lighthearted bullying.

Attempts to hide his reactions, and does so fairly well, although there are certain things that absolutely make him crumble.

Fights and fights and fights until he's too tired to move.

Absolutely will not hesitate to knock a tooth loose or beat anyone who tries to tickle him, but there are two instances where he will restrain himself.

One of these instances is when it comes to Mona Lisa.

If she is tickling him, he'll wiggle around, but composes himself enough to not accidentally hurt her.

Both of them know there's no way he'd actually do any substantial damage, but better safe than sorry.

The other instance is if he really pisses Leo off.

This has only happened a couple of times, but it is extremely scary.

Raph pretty much accepts his fate.

There's still a struggle, but there is a significant decrease in the amount of effort he puts in to stop his older brother from tickling him.

Still stubborn af though.

Mikey was the one who found out he was ticklish and has been using it against him ever since, almost always resulting in Raph absolutely getting him.

Ler:

Despite the ler energy I've seen him with, I feel like he doesn't tickle people a whole lot.

Doesn't mean he isn't the scariest ler in the Hamato household.

When the tickle monster that is Raph is unleashed, all of his brothers cower.

Has a much rougher approach to tickling, leaving his lee a breathless mess on the floor

He's also extremely teasy, though it's more so sarcastic comments the entire time.

Running from this turtle is not an option. He can and will catch you every single time.

Donnie has learned this the hard way, very many times.

There's a pretty even balance as to who Raph tickles the most, but the most common to see tickly-interactions with is Casey.

Those two have tickle fights all the time.

Leo has rushed into the lair multiple times because of Casey's unholy screeching.

Tickles people the most for getting on his nerves or to get them to be quiet. (Mikey)

Has tried and failed to tickle Mona, and is still unsure to this day if she isn't ticklish, or just hides her reactions well.

Switch-leaning ler

stopp what is this gif 😳

Mikey

Lee:

Very ticklish boy.

Worst spots are neck, knees, and ribs

His laugh is loud enough to make his ler retract and cover their ears for a moment before continuing.

I think he absolutely loves using tickling as a way to mess with his bros or just have fun.

Is mainly tickled for being obnoxious, but April and Casey will get him more casually, exchanging pokes and squeezes every now and then.

That said, his main lers are April and Casey, followed by Raph.

Squirms around a bit, and tries to hide in his shell half of the time.

Isn't as stubborn as his brothers, but he has his moments.

Is more sensitive to physical teasing, such as wiggling fingers, etc.

Needs some kind of affection after being tickled, such as a hug, head-pats, even just some water will do.

If caught off-gaurd, he may accidentally punch his ler in the face. (It has happened on multiple occasions)

Is generally open to being tickled, but will get a little flustered if asked about it directly.

Ler:

Pesters his brothers All. The. Time.

Loves to sneak up behind them when they're not paying attention and poke them or wiggle his fingers into their side.

Is the only one of the four to incorporate tickling into every day life.

Seriously, he'll sneak it into training to gain the upper hand, (it never works for long but A for effort) cheer-up tickles after a tough mission, even declares tickle fights sometimes!

A very quick tickler, rapidly changing spots and moving his fingers at terrifying speeds.

Gets extremely full of himself when he takes someone down, teasing and laughing galore, though this is usually his downfall.

Tickles Raph and Donnie the most often, Raph just to annoy him, and Donnie to initiate a tickle fight, or to make him relax.

Casey is slightly rarer to see, but that's because he mostly hangs around Raph and Donnie.

Loves playing chase before getting his lee.

Also will tag-team with April to get his nerd brother, secretly being a wingman to up his ego in April's eyes.

Makes goofy noises when tickling people to make them laugh more, and it works a lot of the time.

A full switch

Geez, I apologize for not responding very much, my mental health is seriously kicking my butt, but I'm still holding things together so far! Next on my to-do list is lee 2012 Raph, so I'll see what story I can put together for you all. I hope you all are doing well and have a wonderful day/night!

[glassrowboat]

For the character ask: Your choice between Baizhu, Qiqi, and Changsheng! I'm genuinely curious about your thoughts on all of them ^^

Ooo boy I hope you know what you're in for asking me this. First things first: daughter.

Qiqi

First Impression: She needs a stool. Like whoever out her in charge, here clearly needs to think about how short this chick is and give her some accommodation. Like damn.

Impression now: I love her. People dumb her down a lot, but this is the same kid who knows Baizhu has ulterior motives behind why he took her in and cares for him. Yet still, she stays. It really shows that she's a good judge of character no matter how much people like to pretend that just because she's forgetful, it means she's dumb.

Favorite moment: While cocogoat is iconic, I'll forever love that girl just popped out of the amber she was incased in and went, you know what? Time for a walk, let's go. No need to question what that was about. I live to be that unbothered.

Idea for a story: Her and my oc Michi going through Qiqi's notebook together. I like to think Michi drew some portraits of people for Qiqi to make it easier to remember faces

Favorite relationship: Her and Baizhu ofc. That's her dad! Her baba!

Unpopular opinion: Just because you lose 50/50 to a character doesn't mean you should hate them. So kindly shut the fuck up and leave the kid alone. Geez.

Heacanon: She paints Baizhu's nails black, and while she used to really suck as it, she's gotten a lot better about it now/ She's the one who ties Baizhu's hair back for him on his had days which is why his hair looks a little mess in the front.

Changsheng

First Impression: Yeah, sure, this happens. I wasn't really phased by the talking snake after a Traveler had just defeated a dragon in Mond, so I didn't understand why Paumon freaked out over a talking snake. Like, girl? Chill.

Impression now: That's Baizhu's mom. She and Baizhu's late master are the ones who truly raised Baizhu, so it only makes sense for them to love each other so much. And her sass is always fun to write cause I can't always let my sharp tongue be put on full display through any other character besides the reader, and that's just a damn shame.

Idea for a story: She's a perpetual third wheel in any Baizhu story.

Favorite relationship: Her ancient yuri situationship with Fujin and Lingyuan.

Favorite moment: Her falling asleep whenever it snows. It's just so precious. And I know Baizhu gets her all wrapped up in a blanket and put under a heated lamp to wake her up when they get back to the pharmacy.

Unpopular opinion: She is herblord guys. Like...cmon. There's no debate about this.

Headcanon: She's the reason Baizhu found out people were gossiping about his search for immortality in the first place.

And lastly: Baizhu

First Impression: I was in love with him first sight, and I have no shame in admitting that. His fruity little ass came on screen, and I had to put my phone down so I could calm the fuck down for five seconds enough to focus on anything besides the crop top he was wearing. In the end, I had to rewatch that scene on YouTube because all I processed was what he said.

Impression now: Wife. It's really a shame people don't love him him because he truly is one of the most interesting human characters we have in genshin. Not to mention, his story quest is one of the best. While I want Venti's second one more, I definitely wouldn't say no to Baizhu getting his either. All in all: I truly do love him.

Favorite moment: In his character demo when we actually get to see Baizhu being properly angry. He hates the topic of death, truly, so having his own life threatened so easily was sure to get those treasure hunters on his bad side even if they didn't try and do anything to the medicine he was making. And ooo boy, was it hot watching him mercilessly finger those men to the ground. Wish that was me.

Ideas for a story: I wanted to write a flower shop x tattoo artist reader in modern day for him I was gonna call Love Me Not

Favorite relationship: Baizhu x Michi, by in canon, I love how he and Hutao interact. It's so funny to me that this 19 year old is beefing with a 34 year old man. Like girl, calm down.

Unpopular opinion: Baizhu does not need to be your doctor. I've seen so many fics of him where he's taking care of someone else. Where he's the one giving you that support, and while that's nice every once in a while, we can't forget that Baizhu is the one who needs TLC the most if he were to have a proper relationship. Like being with him won't be all sunshine and rainbows, and it kinda irks me that's how people portray most of the time.

Heacanon: Oh, I could go on and on 👁👁 but Baizhu definitely has the most expensive makeup products he could get his hands on because he's a little vain twerp. <-won't admit it tho

[rumblemodels]

top 10 pokemon according to my blog

hiiii :3 i wanna make one of these "most popular posts" lists but with my all time posts instead of just 2024 because thats not as interesting i think.. instead im choosing to believe this is an objective look into what the best pokemon are because thats funny

10. zubat. 183 notes

it's so suckerfish core in this model in a way that none of its other images are. maybe becuaes its so fat which is an okay thing for a zubat to be but it makes it look like it really is fulfilling the same niche in its stupid little cave as a suckerfish (and well)

9. luvdisc. 188 notes

not much to say about this round little freak i think. i possibly could have expected it to be here or maybe i hoped it did but it just looks so stupid its great. deserved

8. mimikyu. 190 notes

not really seeing it from a rumble point of view since its so normal looking but from a regular pokemon one i understand.. i remember when gen 7 came out i remember big time mimikyu fame

7. rhydon. 204 notes

A LITTLE UNEXPECTED.... tbh im not a huge rock type guy but rhydon is definitely up there and its model is just so joyous it's such a cutie so i think it really earned this spot

6. giratina. 286 notes

my favorite evil giraffe. im biased because my [RELATIONSHIP STATUS REDACTED]'s giratina helped us beat the wither in cobblemon but it's ok. shoutout lesbian

5. jolteon. 311 notes

if i thought really hard and imagined my single brain cell bouncing down the court and swishing through the hoop i think i coud've foreseen an eeveelution here but for some reason i didn't. whys this model so ugly. boy your ears

4. hitmonlee. 315 notes

at first.. unexpected. and then you look at it closer and youre like oh what is that thing. what is that. and i say yes!!!!!! how strange is this. we must research. and then we figure out nothing because i don't think its even alive. is it?

3. purugly 323 notes

really big fan of this one because the asker's blog is purugly themed. i LOVE when this happens its always great. no other comment i just like the "big text on a shirt that says I LOVE SPIDERMAN" thing

2. poliwag. 477 notes

i'm actually presently rolling this thing down a hill where it'll speed through a playground and become a tripping hazard as well as doing special attack damage to all children in the vicinity

1. popplio. 669/10k+ notes

i don't have the original popplio post anymore because i made it before u could mute posts and i was losing my mind with the amount of notes it's gotten but it's ok because it still got number 1 otherwise. btw feel free to request it again since it's gone from my blog i'll definitely still post it again sometime

anyway thanks for reading. it has now been demonstrated that i just say words. recreationally. i talk like i have an hourly word quota to hit

[goodluckclove]

Talking to My Younger Self

Hey man, I saw those photos you posted on Instagram where you climbed up an overpass and through a hole in the fence to take pictures on the side of the highway?

Yeah bud, I don't think it's an issue of that being cool or not cool as much as. Like. Why? Safety aside, did you even enjoy it? Because the photo just makes you look tired and bored.

Oh you didn't smile on purpose. You're "too constantly distressed to smile"? You seeing your therapist soon? You should tell him that.

Your smile is fine, by the way. It's nice! Maybe you don't like it because it makes you look to happy and you consider that vulnerable. I don't know, man, it's a thought. You wanna see a picture of my cat?

You think you need to repress any attraction you have to non-binary people because you're ashamed of "being drawn to them as a gender they don't identify as"? Yeah, I mean, that's certainly a worry based in consideration. Have you thought about if there's - like - another reason behind that, though?

I just mean - you remember when you told me how wearing a binder and a makeshift packer "makes you feel like more of a woman"? Oh no, I'm sure that might be true for some people. But it might not be entirely true for - okay yeah we can change the subject. Sure, send me the new draft of your script. I'll read it tonight.

No, you had the right thought not doing that for your friend. I mean yeah, money is money. But accepting money in this particular case is absolutely a felony. So it's good you said no. Nice one, bud.

Oh yeah I got the picture of your new mini-fridge. It looks nice! I like the mural you painted on the door. You said you stocked it with food so you wouldn't have to get hungry when you're too scared to leave your bedroom? You said that really casually. Are you doing okay?

A four hour commute one way to get to a job is insane, Miranda. No, dude, that's entirely unreasonable. That's goofus shit. Don't do that.

Yeah I don't think using a newspaper you found at the bus station to roll a joint is cool. I think smoking ink fumes is probably really bad, actually. I also doubt you know how to roll a joint. Just a thought.

You got SALVIA? Who the fuck gave you SALVIA? I'm going to lose my mind you're fucking kidding me. Yeah, dude - it's legal, but you're on like six different meds you should not be recreationally doing a drug that makes people freak out and walk into traffic on the regular.

Your mom says it's fine and cool? That's - fucking hell. That's a crazy thing for a mom to say.

What? Your mom also says you only have to take your pet to the vet when they're sick? That's probably because she can't afford regular pet checkups but still wants to keep adopting dogs to neglect. Nope - too harsh on my part, ignore me. Uh, you have a job now, so maybe look into pet insurance. You should get your cat a checkup.

You're fucking kidding me. I'm sorry, uh - why do you think a doctor would get mad at you for going to get yourself a checkup? I get your mom said they'd claim you were "wasting their time", but explore this with me. They're doctors, dude. If they get mad at you asking them to do doctor-things during their designated doctor-ing time that is probably a person that shouldn't be a doctor.

Also have you told your therapist this? Or your dad - or even your grandma? It might actually be a good idea to start fact checking this shit because sometimes people are wrong and at this point I do think your mom has actual brain damage. I mean between the ECT and the eating disorder and the pretty rabid history of substance abuse - you're right. We'll change the subject. I'm sorry. Cat video.

Riley says hi. I saw a bird on my walk today he seemed kind. You're working really hard, maybe you should take a break.

I think you're pretty cool, actually. You're smarter and nicer than I think you think you are. I do think you're entirely too trusting and that seems to get you in a lot of trouble but - I don't know. It might not be the worst thing in the world. It's a bit of a relief that you never were entirely cynical. Opening on good faith isn't always - hey, bud?

Pal? You're doing a felony again.

No, it's not legal. Your friend was either wrong or she's lying to you. No, this is actually a worse felony than the felony you avoided doing before. You should stop immediately.

That friend of yours is absolutely like a legit criminal by the way and you should probably stop hanging out with her.

[sugarywishes]

Could you go a bit more into your plans and the role of Elizabeth & Even in the future of your AU? I'm curious to learn a bit more about how their respective roles change things, as well as how it will end up playing out with Micheal & William also involved on the whole...

Of course! Answers below as usual.

So I'm trying really hard to not fully expose every detail of the Security Breach portion of this rewrite, but the gist of it is Glitchtrap/William, and the Afton kids return for a grand finale! And unfortunately Gregory, Vanessa, and GlamFred have to be in the middle of it all. (Which means HW 2, Secret of the Mimic or whatever games they'll be making in the future will likely not be added to this thing, unless I really like it but it's likely I won't lmao) (RUIN-ED is in a complicated situation in this rewrite, it's technically now an AU spinoff, that's not canon to the security breach section but is still related to it, but I'm over complicating things here, I'll explain it in other post!)

And as some of you know in this section of the rewrite/AU, Glitchtrap will use Gregory as a replacement body for Evan to inhabit to come back to Earth, and boy are they BOTH upset about this! (My Security Breach portion will include Gregory's family, the Casas, and they'll get a chance to interact with Evan a lot too, since they don't know that Gregory's kind of being possessed rn)

Speaking of the Casas, EVERYONE in that family serves as a 'mirror' to the Aftons (that does not mean they share the same personalities or anything, they're just the counterparts for story telling purposes, and I mean VERY important story telling purposes!) Julian is the 'William', Rebecca is the 'Clara', Gregory is the 'Evan', and Monica is the 'Michael'. You may notice that Elizabeth wasn't included in the line up (originally, before RUIN-ED came out, there were many theories that Cassie could be Gregory's twin sister and I was ALL for it because then I could finally have Lizzie have her own Casas counterpart, and then turns out she wasn't related to him, so I had to rewrite things unfortunately 😔) So now, VANESSA is the Elizabeth counterpart.

Going back to Evan, he HATED coming back, when he did originally wake up in Gregory's body, he had a full blown panic attack and was horrified by his surroundings, cause yk he was freaked out by Glitchtrap, an 8 foot tall gay ass bear, a white woman and a teenage girl who looked too similar to his brother whom he only remembers MURDERED HIM, that can really overwhelm someone! (Btw, Mike had been fully anticipating his father's return, but he didn't think Evan and Elizabeth would come back because he thought they moved on, they definitely did not!)

After a whole rescue operation (and losing someone during it, not a death though.) Gregory/Evan will go through a lot of trials and tribulations through family matters and trauma. Again, I'm trying not to spoil a lot about this section since it's pretty crazy, but they do become friends! They will be each other's first ever friends, actually, since Cassie won't be in this rewrite. SORRY ☹️ she will be important in the RUIN-ED AU/spinoff though! (Yk the one with the stupid ass kids/ocs)

For Elizabeth, she will end up attempting to possess Vanessa (although it was not part of William's original plan, and who knows? It could work.) I really want to say more details but I must restrain myself from doing so. She will be an antagonist along with Will, she's gonna cause some evil shit, and she'll get a redemption arc because it's what she deserves! (Yk after she learns her lesson) And there is actually a reason why she and Evan even have relationships with the MCI/KCI kids, even if Liz didn't actually meet them when she was still Baby. Let's just say, the afterlife prison for her was not cool! Thank goodness she managed to escape too.

And yeah, tons of Afton family drama is relevant in this too, it intertwines with the Casas family own trauma.

I'd really like to discuss more about what exactly will happen, believe me. But I'm saving all that for when I get to it! (And also because, I'm still working on it!)

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

Kokichi's fantasy (LHS analysis?)

I promised I would make a post about how I compromise my issues (which are easy to project onto Kokichi, for the most part they're already there) with his preferences. Some notes about the Love Hotel Suite itself first:

Shuichi assumes Kokichi's fantasy is going to be something crazy from the moment he gets there

he talks about trouble and being trapped by Shuichi, and Shuichi is confused about everything for a good portion of this, but the "Am I supposed to be chasing him?" and the immediate denial when Kokichi brings up torture, that he stands by even after being given the specific idea of bondage, and when Kokichi spells it out for him that he's talking about kinks. He only catches himself on that third denial, like wait, we shouldn't be arguing, I am supposed to go along with it, but he's just stumped by the idea of Kokichi wanting any of that, he can't make sense out of what is expected of him

and Shuichi's idea of playing along, getting in character, is to deny him again, he assumes Kokichi is saying all that as a distraction to rile him up and get away, he came to the conclusion that Kokichi wanting to submit has to be a ruse

then he's distracted from the honesty in "I was willing to let you do whatever you want to me" because of his name being used and he's again being distrustful "I can't help but think he means the opposite"

and that's when the switch happens "If you're not gonna do anything, then maybe I will."

"I stepped back reflexively. I had no idea what he was capable of..." he's no longer questioning the situation, now Kokichi is threatening to him and that aligns with how he sees him, so his reactions are no longer delayed

except, it's followed up by Kokichi telling him "no need to be scared" and that's again confusing Shuichi. "Having this kind of conversation only makes it harder to know why I am here..." idk, maybe if you didn't discard the time he told you straight up what he wanted as a lie

"Because you just do as you please, don't you, Kokichi?"

Kokichi: what if I wanted you to catch me? Shuichi: the most shocked gasp in the world. for some reason

after Shuichi's reaction doesn't satisfy him "I thought you would be more excited", he switches one more time, to the original plan "you can do whatever you want to me. And that's the truth.", just gives it a little push this time (literally), pretty ballsy that he even tried again, like, that's bold, and he's using that line on Shuichi's dead fish ass, Shuichi is giving nothinggg

the dissonance between "He pushed me hard on the bed." and "he sprinted toward the exit.", they way those are seconds apart.

"I'll think of a more exciting game for next time. So make sure you excite me too."

Actually, let's reference FTEs as well!

"I only act like a bad guy so you guys don't get too soft, y'know?" that line is interesting too, like yeah, it sums up the entire job he assigned himself in the game and he's throwing that at Shuichi immediately when approached, but also a pattern that keeps showing up, he plays a role that technically loses him credibility, but he's using it to control the situation, uses that subtle kind of manipulation that makes people think they're in control, or perhaps better than him, making their own choices

I am going to ignore Shuichi's attitude actually, for everyone's sake, especially mine

"Well, not as good as mine. I'll surprise you with a gift one of those days, Shuichi!" hmmm, am I reaching if I say that this is also kinda control freak behavior, cannot be indebted, cannot be bested like that, like this isn't just about reciprocation or gratefulness, it's I'll surprise you back and I'll do better

Kokichi: You wanna hang out with me? Hm, but I'm having a strategy meeting with Gonta right now. Gonta: Oh, then... Gonta can have strategy meeting later. AND YOU PEOPLE TRY TO SAY HE DOESN'T GET CUES, he knew where the priorities lay, doesn't need to be told, boss has to try to get some of that sheet cake

"Did you come to beg for your life?" tehehe "Get on the ground and beg like a dog!" kicking my feet even, and the comparison with other antags being condescending while he's just so. eager for it. even better

"I didn't see that one coming" but you know what's visible immediately when this choice is picked? That Shuichi gained a point, Kokichi can't help but be impressed by the rare moments when Shuichi is confident, he sees the man this thot could be

"Keep it interesting for me, kay?" be a good boy, Shuichi

and here it is, the reason I thought of including FTEs before considering salmon mode; "You only have three events left in your life, so you better entertain me until then!" and with the game they just played being rigged by him, that's four situations where he has something prepared for Shuichi, to simply put him in a situation that Kokichi devised, try to get Shuichi to understand, or at least remember him, but in a very specific, planned out way, welcome to control freak town

3rd event and "Then Gonta step aside like gentleman!" it happened again, I can't, Shuichi just came up to them, asked Kokichi to hang out and Gonta is pulling away before Kokichi can decide, this is sad actually, what about bros over hoes? what about the plan?

"Are we going to play more games today-" Nope, you're not allowed to predict shit, Shuichi. Perhaps he changed that one up, at least in order, just to subvert the expectation, or he expected that from Shuichi, it was pretty predictable, just like he could read from his face in the first fte

there is a lot more to point out about the FTEs that I will have to omit not to get sidetracked because the purpose of this is not full analysis, but of course, there is the iconic line "I reach out to him, but he doesn't take my hand. But in his own way... I think that helps me understand him a little." because you only get to hold his hand when he does the reaching out, it's his initiative, he's prepared for it, anything vulnerable or intimate has to happen on his terms, he's regulating the pace, he will run away or close in on himself if you push for it

and just to be throughout, the salmon mode before my conclusions:

okay, the reaction to comedy movie pick is a big one for the sub hc, this is exactly the kind of reasoning I see used to say why it'd be good for him

the Shuichi bullying continues, telling him to go to Tenko when he gets too bold, affirming what we already know about his walls being way up, he's not rushing into shit, he is not going to be disclosing anything vulnerable, no possible blackmail material, nothing casual, you're not learning his porn preference, Shuichi, you need to pass the five tests to hold his hand and enter the trust ranking where you can level up in your knowledge and privileges, you're not seeing him naked any time soon, don't even dream

(and it is not contradictory to say that they would fuck before establishing their relationship, talking about feelings can be a more difficult task than acting on them, and I love to see it, but like, canon universe Kokichi is definitely an inexperienced and manga inspired loser, so he will hold out on that, yearning until it explodes out of him)

finally, my part, so I just think that while Kokichi has the fantasy of submitting, he keeps it well hidden, as if it was one of those unrealistic kinks there's no point bringing up, because he can't bring himself to let go of control (and Shuichi, being as he is in canon, isn't showing much interest or capability to take over, really) he wants to work his way up to it, teases the idea, tries to get Shuichi to show more initiative, plans things out in hopes of tricking his brain into not activating the loss of control alarm, as he grows to trust Shuichi, he will learn to relax and let it go, eventually it'll stop being about control, "letting" something happen, no shifting power dynamics and vulnerability feeling like risking his life, it'll be simply reaching for pleasure together, in a cooperation that they managed to work out through learning each other's bodies and preferences.

but yeah, it's a long rocky road before they get there, and when they first get to intimacy they're both more comfortable with Kokichi taking the lead, it's easy, it doesn't require much discussing (and these bitches hate communicating like normal people), leaving the dynamic unchallenged but perhaps a little ungratifying, something that can't stay as is without eventually creating conflict, because Shuichi doesn't want to feel strung along and toyed with, but that's how it'll feel if Kokichi doesn't ease up his fearful grip on control, and he won't be happy either

[hildegardladyofbones]

okay final thoughts on disco elysium (post-first playthrough). major fucking spoilers ahead.

This run took me 38 hours and I did it in 6 days (both irl and in game). Today was the day where I played the least, only 5 or so hours

My main strategy for picking options was: 1. what would *I* do? this lead to most of the boring and centrist answers because I don't want to take a stand on politics of a world I don't know shit about. Will definitely make other choices in the future now that I've gotten a grasp. 2. What would Kim approve of? disappointing Kim makes me physically sick. 3. Which of the options has the name Kim in it? I just wanted to say his name as much as possible.

In the future I will definitely be picking the silliest options. I also plan on picking the thinker archetype (i picked the sensitive one because i liked the addition that he might begin to lose his mind.) and that one says that he's very bad with people, which logically would lead to out of pocket things.

Most importantly: I didn't do shit in this game. I didn't even disco. I thought I had an other opportunity to finish that quest, because I could have never thought that the killer would be on the island. There's also the deal with Cuno. Idfk what it is. Will get to that next time. And what was it that Joyce had to say? And how would've the tribunal gone had I not failed all but two red-checks?

Other shit i want to rant about. Kim. Oh my fucking god, Kim. Hands down the best character in any video game I've ever played. (Oh yeah that reminds me- I'm certain I didn't find out all there is to him). I've talked about it before (Wayyy too much) how he was so kind and patient and down-to-earth when he didn't have to be. How he doesn't fuck around. Usually. One of my favourite traits of his is that he is so willing to do random shit for the fun of it. He also doesn't take anyone's shit, like, he has effectively shut people's mouths up. His voice was also way too soothing and enjoyable to listen to for absolutely no apparent reason. I cheered and clapped when he spoke. I am a total kim-freak and I am Definitely kimfected. I can go on. about the fact that he smokes? absolutely obsessed with that fact for no apparent reason. And he's gay! I never would've thought they'd go there. I will be needing an orange bomber jacket and round sunglasses moving forward, thankyouverymuch

I should also talk about Harry. The reason why I didn't fuck with him *as much* is because to me, his characterization was very inconsistent. I'm sure I'll grow to like him even more when I actually know what I'm doing. I absolutely appreciate the constant angst he was in tho, especially after the tribunal, but *that* deserves it's own post. He is one of the more believably fucked-up detectives in fiction and definitely one of the most well-written. What absolutely seals the deal for me is the addition of his skills (?)(idk what to call them). Not only was it a wonderful game mechanic, it also made the game so much more interesting. And the fact that it's canon, there *are* voices in his head also adds to it. The narration was also on point, they picked the right actor for it. Speaking of game mechanics, the dice roll was also a needed addition. That's what made the game hard. Too bad it took me so long to figure out the logic behind it. I think I did that at like the second to last dice roll in the game. It's also, obviously, a nod to ttrpgs' that were an inspiration for this game. That also appears in the gameplay itself. Most of the time the characters are standing still while the narration tells us what's happening. That's neat as well, idk, i've never played an ttrpg

And then there's the ending. I will skip the middle parts, mostly, because they're just great and I love the story and that's pretty much all i have to say about it. The ending fucntioned as a review of how/what we did this run. Kim pretty much laid out exactly what kind of cop we were, what we believed in, how well we did the investigation, etc. and for that fact alone I don't know if I could ever stomach doing a playthrough where I don't solve the crime to near-perfection. I cannot stomach letting that man down. I will most likely be missing out on a considerable chunk of the game that way, but as about everything besides DE lately, idgaf. Kim is the blorbo of all time. Anyway it kind of pains me that the ending came so suddenly, mostly for the afore-mentioned reasons. It also kind of hurt me mentally because of how we're forced to confront how much of a shitshow Harry is. And the fact that it's so heavily hinting at a sequel that never came. The world is against me specifically for not giving this game a sequel. For not letting me see more of Kim. That's right, I will never shut up about him. I am superbly annoying about that guy it's unbearable even to me. FUCK i digress, the main reason why the ending left me with the heavy feeling is the feeling of loose ends. (I didn't fucking disco, remember?)

HOLY SHIT I HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE WORLD !! I was *absolutely* *positively* astonished the more I learned about the world. I love history as much as the next history freak, but what I love more is *intentionally* mixing up the decades. The cars looked a century old, they had computers, they had ttrpgs', the year was '51 and they had disco, obviously. I live for that shit. There's also the thing that I do with my own fictional world and that is mixing made up shit with our world shit. I am beyond elated when I figured out that's what they were doing because i've never seen anything else do that. Their world mostly looks like and acts like our world, except the cultures, geography and history are all original. it's what I did because I didn't want to learn about the london tube system. And of course there are some super-natural elements (what the fuck is the pale? who is the paleworker? huh???) as well. The similarities between their and my world go on, but I digress. The worldbuilding done here was superb and so fucking impressive. Honestly stuff like "oh why would they call *their* months march, april, etc when the guys that named the months didn't exist in their world" and "oh why do they have communism if that was invented by Karl Marx" doesn't bother me at all. That is the shit i live for. It pains me that there most likely won't be a sequel, but luckily I am estonian so I can read the novel. The game being so heavily estonian-made was another reason why I bought it. (the others being: it was 4 eur and it said the artstyle was inspired by oil paintings)(had i known how life-changing this game would be for me, i would've gladly paid the 40 eur)

There's still more i could talk about, actually. This game also did some pretty insane things to me as a person, but I won't divulge the details here (also my mother thinks i should go to sleep? fuck her, i am staying up until 4am. again). For the time being it altered how I interact with the world, possibly permanently, but it's too early to tell. I am still knee-deep in the brainrot. If you really want, I could elaborate if asked, I don't care that much about privacy.

Anyway thank you for reading this rant? idk why you'd do that, i literally didn't proofread anything i wrote here. Most of it is about Kim anyway. I still have no idea what drugs they put in that character. Literally addicted to him. I think he's not just the 57th's best (or 41st's i guess) but he's just the best. in general. in every category. never figured out what the deal with the gloves was tho.

[jjaylove27]

True Love

Part Four

Y/N POV

I've been at Story Brook for a couple of weeks now. Still no signs of any pages from the book. Emma and Killian are still very much in love and happy. But any time I come around she seems stand offish. I hope I didn't do anything to make her mad or upset. I want my husband back but I don't want to lose a friend in the process. We have all been hanging out and trying to figure out what we could do to get the pages back. Killian and I haven't had anymore alone time. I'm currently on the dock going to the next boat to check the innovatory.

"Hey Y/N!"

I turned around to see Emma I smiled at her and waved.

"Hey, Emma what's up?"

"After you get off of work can you swing by the apartment so we can talk?"

"Yeah that's fine. I get off in 30 minutes so I'll see you in an hour?"

"That works."

Then she walked away. I wonder what she has to talk to me about? Maybe its about another plan to try and get the papers back from Gold? I just keep my head down and finish up the last bit of work. I clock out and and went to Granny's and changed my clothes. I finally went to the store and bought some new clothes. I got some leather pants and some flowy tops. Just because I'm in Story Brook doesn't mean I'm completely changing the way I dress.

I finished getting changed and started walking to Emma's apartment. I arrived and knocked on the door. I waited for Emma to open the door and once she did she nodded her head to come in.

"So Emma what did you need to talk about?"

"You remember when we went and looked for pages at Golds?"

I nodded my head.

"Well I actually found two pages. I didn't say anything because what I seen shocked me. I knew Hook worked with your dad but I thought that was all. Well what I found was a picture of you two kissing."

She what? She didn't say anything? Why would she not say anything.

"Why would you hide this?"

"I didn't know what to think. I just got Hook back and I'm scared of losing him."

"Emma he deserves to know about our past. I don't want to show up and demand him to come back to me. That's his choice, not yours!"

"Wait I thought you didn't remember anything?"

"That was a lie. I couldn't come out and say we are married here's your ring. You gave it to me before you went into town so no one stole it. Then you never came back. I wanted him to see and read the pages!"

I just shock my head and walked out. I can't believe this. I just kept walking not looking where I was walking. I ended up running into a hard wall and stumbling back wards. I look up to see Killian.

"You okay luv? You look really lost?"

"I have a question if your significant other lost their memory and someone took your photos to show them. Then the person that your significant other is seeing finds photos of them is it okay to hide that?"

"Woah that is a lot to take in. Sounds very personal. No its not okay to hide the photos. But if they didn't know about it then they probably freaked out. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I'm going home."

I started walking about to the Jolly Roger without thinking.

"Umm Sparrow Granny's is the other way."

"Huh? Yeah I know where Granny's? I'm going back to the Jolly Roger? You know home?"

"Umm Jolly Roger is my home. I know you was like a little sister but I don't think you ever lived on the Jolly Roger. Are you okay?"

Emma's got my mind swirling that I completely lost my mind. Now I have to save this.

"I'm sorry there is a lot going on in my head and the water is my home and since the Black Pearl isn't hear I guess the next best thing was the Jolly Roger."

"I get it. Why don't you come back and take a nap?"

"That sounds nice. I really appreciate."

We walked in silence to the Jolly Roger. We finally reached it and without thinking I just walked up the plank and into the captain's quarters laid down and fell asleep.

I woke up not to long after I fell asleep. I need to go talk to Gold this could get out of hands quickly if I don't get the pages and talk to Killian. So I stood up and walked on deck. I didn't see Killian anywhere so I just started walking to Gold's. I finally reached it and just walked in. He was standing at the front counter.

"Well hello dearie what can I help you with?"

"I don't know why you took Killian's memory's. But please either give them back or give me the pages."

He laughed at me. "I took his memory's because he took my wife. If I can't have a happy life why should he? I'll give you the pages but only cause I don't think it'll help you. After all you're just a little sister to him anyways."

Then poof the papers was in my hands. I nodded my head and left. That felt to easy for Gold. I flipped thought the pages and the pages was are love story so he didn't change it. Now to get the other to pages from Emma.

HOOK POV

After Y/N went to sleep I decide to go see Emma to see if she knows what's up. Hopefully I'll be back before Y/N wakes up. I knock on the apartment door and Emma opens it. I give her a kiss on the cheek before walking in.

"So I ran into Y/N and she sounded like she had a lot going on. Do you know what happened?"

"I do but it's not my place to tell you. You have to find out from her. Here give these to her and tell her I'm sorry."

She hands me some folded up papers. I take them and walk out. I'm walking back to the ship when I see Y/N coming out of Golds looking at some papers.

"Hey Y/N."

She turns around and looks at me and smiles.

"Hey Kill what are you up to?"

"Well I actually just got done seeing Emma and she said to give you these papers and to say she's sorry."

She takes the papers from me and looks at them and gets the biggest smiles.

"Can we go back to the ship and talk?"

[skayafair]

What is it with me being drawn to the most fucked up personalities ever 🤦‍♀️

Let's talk Hilbert, pt. 1

There was a post where I was totally freaking out in the tags but it's got buried in the drafts, so I'll just go off it here, but hopefully in a more constructive way. I really hope my mind didn't lose its ability to do this yet. Buckle up, this is going to be a long one. (I mean it.)

I want to rant about how wrong the accent sounds and how the character is yet another example of a distasteful trope in north american media, but the fuckheads in the government confirmed this trope in multiples so whatever. Besides, I can't really complain when the character turned out to be compelling and... well. "Complicated" would be a bit of an overstatement I think, but - complicated enough to spur some thoughts.

So my first thought was the one I started the post with, because after the first shock of Hilbert's mutiny settled and future episodes revealed more of his behaviour, backstory and character overall, I had to admit with a certain amount of inner horror (10% to 20%) and frustration (at least 80%) that yes. "Oops, I did it again".

I have a history with such personalities, feel drawn to them and have been really, really trying to stop this nonsense for a year, but. Uh. Looks like this code runs too deep to scoop it all out just like that, huh. Anyway, back to the topic.

Well, this time I at least know exactly why the character compels me so much. "Airlock, please."

I'll start with why I've grown to be okay with "mad evil russian scientist" trope - not because the above mentioned fuckheads in the Gov confirmed it (they did and I hate them and what they're doing but unfortunately can't do anything about it), any generalisation based on a trait like nationality, gender, race and so on is a very bad thing I don't want to participate in no matter the circumstance, - but because Hilbert was given an actual well-rounded personality, and, most of all, I can't help feeling tons of respect to it. He is pretty smart, after all - knows several languages, has a degree in molecular biology, and apparently AI programming is a walk in a park for him, although his skills in this department aren't as great compared to actual specialists (but then again Maxwell is in a league of her own and is far above most of her colleagues even, so everything is relative). Being this well-versed in a field not directly connected to his own and mastering several foreign languages is. Well - wow. I'd respect this alone.

Hm, I'll start again, from the beginning.

Hilbert turned out to be the character I felt more interest towards pretty soon (the other two being Hera and - later - Eiffel), probably after that joke about "people keep saying that, and yet my problems keep going away". There wasn't much time between the moment he stopped being just a comic relief and his betrayal, but that time was enough I guess. Because the very first thing that grabbed my attention and kept it till the end was just how easy he is to understand. Seriously, of all the characters - I can barely trace what they could potentially do or think, they aren't defined enough for me (and that's fine, I feel this way about most people), - but this one is crystal clear.

It's his whole... personality frame? the way he speaks and thinks? It's just very clear. Not always as logical as he'd like to believe, but close. Most things he says are very reasonable, and... ugh. I'll round back to this anyway, so better let the cat out of the bag right away: I'm ND, and I've seen some people headcanon him to be autistic, and I don't really have any better way of describing why he's so understandable to me. It's just the way neurodivergent people think - different for everyone, of course, and NTs can do this like that too (after all, there are SO MANY unintentionally autistic or ADHD characters out there), - but there are still patterns, and I recognize them here.

It's in his reasoning and actions before the Christmas "surprise" - mostly calm, collected, speaks very directly and straight to the point. He mostly keeps up this pattern even when he lies.

And then, once you learn where you stand with him - after the mutiny - you know. Even when he hides something, it's clear that he's keeping things. He has a very distinct moral code and follows it, so when lying has no point anymore, he doesn't. I don't think he lied to the crew after the initial betrayal at all? Idk, I may be forgetting things, listened to it just once yet save for the first 10 eps (because I can't get through the last one and went back to the beginning).

There's a kind of trust in this transparency. Yes, everyone knows that Hilbert knows far more than he tells and if he doesn't see a good reason to, he probably won't say a word he doesn't want to. But the fact is, you still know about that. It's obvious when something's missing, the spaces are glaring. I have a feeling he doesn't like lying all that much, or rather doesn't see the point of it unless it's strictly necessary. Why wasting the resources when you don't have to and can direct them to more pressing matters, like saving the humanity, am I right?

So that's two points. The third - one when I REALLY realized I'm stuck well and deep - was the "Airlock, please". No hesitation, nothing. Just a polite choice. That short line fucked me up well.

Because after his betrayal I was horrified. I like how the podcast doesn't let any terrible moments slip or stay "behind the scenes" - no, if there's a life threatening situation, the audience doesn't have the luxury of sitting it out safely unaware. We're going to experience and hear it all, "present day, present time". So when Minkowski was shut out of the ship in outer space, while Doug was desperately trying to come up with a solution, I obviously empathized with them. And all this time we were listening to the doctor, proceeding with his orders in the most cold-hearted manner possible. He heard it all, too, and didn't waver. This was terrifying and I honestly couldn't imagine how this character was going to be present for the most of the podcast - I wanted him dead, the sooner the better. And - as a parallel line of thinking - couldn't help feeling it was such a waste. I started liking this character, he was goofy but really easy to understand, and it's very nice to have someone like this. Obviously everything was going to change from that point.

But then. The way he went through all the interrogations, all the insults and mocking? And his fucking choice to die right away rather than to give away the information he didn't think was intended for his former crewmates? Before that answer I thought he was keeping his mouth shut because of the company only, fear of the higher-ups or something - he did follow their orders and threw away the lives of two people who weren't strangers to him, so it was a reasonable assumption! Minkowski seemed to think the same, judging by her remarks, but no. And that moment, that single answer turned my understanding of this character upside down. None of that dignity was just a show, he really meant it.

I realized he didn't fear for himself. At all. A complete disregard of self, was it? It seemed so that moment, and yeah, it was fucking compelling - the only thing that mattered was his work and his dedication to it. If it was only that, I wouldn't be typing all this though.

Before I continue, I'll note that even this trait - this dedication - is very relatable and understandable to me. Some years ago the only value I saw in myself was in what I loved to do the most - drawing and translation. I'm very mid level, and even this may very well be an overestimation of my skills, but those were the only things that mattered to me. If I didn't do them, what was even the point of me? I didn't feel I fully lived otherwise. I overcame this way of thinking as it is pretty damaging, but I still remember it perfectly. And I still need for what I do to matter. If I manage to make some positive impact on the world around, however small it may be, that would be enough, and that would be the only thing that matters after I'm gone. Hilbert though makes this approach absolute because of his trauma. So yeah, I have a lot of complicated feelings about this all at once. It's tragic, it's admirable, it's heartbreaking and feels like the only way at times, it should never happen.

I also know very well what it means to be able to disregard pretty much anything if I believe this is the right way or the aim to be important enough. I unintentionally made my friend cry once because of this and keep this memory as a reminder of why I should always try to see other POVs and a broader picture. The absolute, applied to human principles, is a bad idea in most cases.

Also, I like that he has a no-nonsense personality but regularly engages in said nonsense. I know in the first few episodes the creators just didn't understand where to go with the podcast yet and that's why everyone and everything is so different there, but I need for things to make sense in-universe, so I'm partial to the POV that Hilbert just put up an act and dropped it later. But still, he did participate in the crew's shenanigans and didn't seem to complain about it. And Funzo? Please, it was A DELIGHT. There was NOTHING, no reasons to take part in the game but he still did. The doctor is pretty goofy when he lets himself, huh? I like this fun part of his personality. The best sign the personality is still very much present.