#The reason it took me 2 weeks to make this post is because it's still hard to talk about

[im-secretly-a-frog]

Okay guys, this is a bit of a morr serious post.

About two weeks ago my partner and I broke up. If you've noticed that I've been posting less, then yeah, this is why. It was a shitty breakup and I still feel completely shitty about it. I lost one of the big supports in my life and my depression has only gotten worse after the breakup. I'm trying to manage it but as I no longer have a therapist I can talk to it has been really hard.

I'm going to put up a similar post on my poetry blog (@sapphos-roommate) because it has profoundly effected my poetry.

But yeah, I've been really struggling this past month, and I just wanted you guys to know. It was really hard for me to make this post because I hate feeling so vulnerable, but I know it will make me feel better in the long run.

[fetusgooseandjuice]

Trust Me

Pairing(s): Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: You haven’t been able to sleep in a couple weeks, and Natasha knows just the way to get you to close your eyes.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: None? (If anyone finds any feel free to message me!)

Author’s Note: Heyy guys! I know I haven’t posted a fic in like 6 months, but I got writers block and it just never really went away. I’m not sure when I’ll post again, but I’ve had the idea for this fic for a while and I finally got the motivation to write it. It might not be that good but I hope you enjoy it at least a little! Think of it as a little Christmas gift :)

Author’s Note Pt. 2: Also, this is not proofread because I just wanted to get it posted so there might be some spelling and grammar errors!

You heavily sighed once again for probably the fifth time in the past five minutes. It’s been a few hours since you and Natasha had called it a night, and yet here you were at nearly three in the morning still lying wide awake.

Although it’s not as if you were surprised or expecting anything else. You’d been having trouble falling asleep since the first night you and Natasha arrived in Norway.

Despite not having gotten many hours of sleep lately, for some reason you still weren’t tired and still could not fall asleep.

When your girlfriend came to you a week and a half ago and told you she had no other choice but to leave the states in order to evade the government after the whole incident between Tony and Steve, you instantly decided you’d be going with her without a second thought and left no room for her to disagree.

After all she should’ve known you’d follow her anywhere, but you guess it’s taken a toll on you.

You wanted to sleep, and yet you weren’t sure what was keeping you up. Maybe you were worried about something happening to Natasha?

‘What if she gets caught? Or what if we both somehow get hurt?’ you thought.

But you knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself and keeping you safe at the same time.

Even with the amount of times you told yourself not to worry, your mind wouldn’t listen.

You eventually sighed and turned your head to look at the redhead behind you. Her arms were wrapped tightly around you and no matter how much she shifted throughout the night, she never let you go.

The mere thought of that would be enough to bring a smile to your face if you weren’t so frustrated with yourself.

Deciding you’d had enough of laying there awake, you carefully unraveled your girlfriend’s arms from around you and slid out of bed.

You almost shivered at the cool temperature of the trailer as your bare feet touched the floor and you made your way into the kitchen.

The random plastic bags on the counter rustled as you rummaged through them in search of something to snack on, finally coming across a bottle of water and a pack of chips you’d never heard of.

As you went to open the cap of the bottle, a pair of arms slipping around your waist startled you. The yelp you let out made the person behind you chuckle, and you relaxed recognizing the sound.

“Sorry, malysh (baby).” Natasha said and you turned to look at her to see the apologetic look she had on her face.

You gave her a slight smile before shaking your head, “It’s okay. But what’re you doing up right now, Nat? You should be asleep, you need to rest.”

She dipped her head down to press multiple kisses to the skin of your neck, “I could ask you the same question because so do you.”

You should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to leave the warmth of your shared bed without her noticing.

“I just couldn’t sleep.” you said, making her eyebrows furrow as you opened your water bottle and took a sip. “But I know you’re still tired so you should go back to bed, I’ll be there soon.”

“No, not without you.” Natasha was quick to disagree, “What’s going on, dorogaya (darlin)? You were yawning quite a bit before we went to bed. Why can’t you sleep?” she rested her chin on your shoulder, ready to listen to what you had to say.

You sighed realizing that you were going to have to have this conversation now. Your shoulders shrugged, “I don’t know.” was all you offered.

Natasha stayed quiet, giving you the floor for when you were ready to add on. A moment later, you did.

“I haven’t really gotten any decent sleep recently, so I’m not sure why I can’t fall asleep or why I’m not tired.”

Your girlfriend pecked your shoulder blade, acknowledging that she heard you.

“How long has this been going on for?” she asked.

For a second you went quiet, not exactly wanting to answer when you remembered that now that she knew, she wasn’t going to let it go until she made it better.

“Since we left the states.” you admitted.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Once again, you shrugged your shoulders, “I didn’t want to worry you.” you said. “You already have a lot on your plate with this whole situation and I didn’t want to add more to it.”

You heard Natasha sigh and now you appreciated that fact that you weren’t standing face to face at the moment.

“I guess I’m thinking too much.” you added. “At night I finally get the time to actually think about stuff, and I worry about you and if you’re going to be okay.”

Natasha was also glad you weren’t standing face to face right now because if you were, you would’ve seen the way her lips pulled into a smile.

“Well if you’re going to worry about me then I think I have every right to worry about you.” she chuckled and you fought back a smile at it.

“I’m sorry.” you said.

She didn’t say anything for a few moments until you heard her soft voice with that hint of rasp speak up.

“Look at me, krasivyy (beautiful).”

You craned your neck to see green eyes which were filled to the brim with love and tenderness staring at you, the singular warm light above the kitchen sink allowing her to see your sad ones.

The frustration that’d been building up in you beginning to melt away ever so slightly.

“I want you to talk to me about what you’re going through.” Natasha spoke. “I don’t care about what you think I might have going on, you’re always my first priority, okay?”

You nodded as she raised a hand to caress your cheek, brushing a hair behind your ear in the process.

“I love you too much to have you worrying that pretty little head of yours all alone when I’m always right here for you.” she pressed her lips to your temple to emphasize her point. “So promise me next time you’ll tell me if somethings wrong?”

“I promise, and I love you too, Nat.”

“Good,” Natasha smiled and leaned in to connect your lips in a loving kiss, pulling away shortly after and leaning her forehead against yours. “I’m going to be okay, so there’s no need to worry. We’re both gonna be okay, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agreed. You knew Natasha would make sure of that.

“Alright, do you think you’re ready to head back to bed?”

You weren’t sure how to answer that. Even though you were relieved Natasha knew now and you talked about it, you still weren’t even close to being able to go to sleep.

“No,” you spoke quietly. “I’m still not really tired, and I honestly don’t know if I will be until this all blows over.”

Natasha went silent for a few moments, thinking. She turned you around to face her and moved your arms to wrap around her shoulders.

“Nat, what are you—”

“Shhh,” she interrupted your sentence, “Just trust me.”

So you did.

Her arms snaked back around your waist and pulled you into her. You weren’t exactly sure what she was doing until she began swaying with you from one side to the other.

You’d danced together before, but at Tony’s many parties. Not when you were trying to make yourself fall asleep.

“Nat, I don’t think—”

“You’re supposed to be trusting me. Do you not?”

“I do, but—”

“So shhh,” she said and you couldn’t help the little giggle you let out. “You said you were thinking too much, right?”

“Yeah.” you confirmed.

“So just relax and let me do all the thinking. I don’t want you to worry about anything except trusting me.”

“Okay.” you whispered, giving in and resting your cheek on her shoulder, allowing her to move you.

A few seconds later Natasha began humming. It wasn’t a song that you knew, but you recognized it as one of the many Russian lullabies she’s hummed and sometimes sang to you before.

The way she hummed them always made you feel relaxed and peace, and this time was no different. Because soon you started to lean into her more as you became more and more weary.

Your heavy eyelids fell shut and your head found security in her neck as you cuddled closer to it, happily letting her comforting scent soothe you.

After a couple of songs, Natasha finally looked at you to find you pretty much sound asleep.

She grinned to herself and pecked your head before lifting you into her arms, making her way back to your bedroom.

“Told you to trust me.”

~ end ~

[wosoamazing]

Promesa Part 2

Warnings: Mentions of Surgery, Mentions of the RFEF past abuse, being sick (very end section)

Notes: Could be crap, could be good, I've been sitting on this for a while now but I've decided to post it, I don't like it but idk if that is just me or not so yeah (It’s a bit bitsy just as a warning) 1.7k words

You entered the apartment and slowly crutched your way over to the couch, Ingrid following closely behind, before she helped you sit down and lift your leg onto the couch, and said she would be right back with some pillows and blankets. However the exhaustion started to take over, and you laid back against the couch cushion, Ingrid finding herself caught up in a conversation with Mapi, along with almost the whole Spanish team over the phone, all wondering how your surgery went and if you were okay or not..

When Ingrid came back with the pillows and the single doona that was purposely bought for ‘couch recovery’, she was greeted with a very similar image from when Mapi had done her meniscus. You were now resting your head against the arm of the couch as you slept, Ingrid decided just to place the couch throw under your leg to slightly elevate it, so she didn’t disturb you, knowing you were due for your pain meds in half an hour anyway, so she would make sure to properly elevate your leg then. She took a quick photo before going back into the kitchen showing Mapi.

You sat on the physio bed nervously, Ingrid and Mapi sat either side of you on stools.

“We’ve looked at what the surgeon sent over, and have had many in depth discussions as a team and although it might not be what you want to hear, we think our best option is to be looking at a 9-12 month recovery.” You nodded wordlessly

“So week 1 & 2 we are looking at almost complete immobilisation. So completely reliant on crutches for movement, non-weight bearing. Mapi and Ingrid have said they are staying with you these next two weeks so we have no concern about that,” again you nodded wordlessly, as the thoughts in your head started to overwhelm you, mixing in with and blocking out his words.

That's the whole season. They’ve cancelled their holiday for me. Two weeks, of nothing.

“Game ready for icing”

Can’t do anything for the next two weeks

“Compex”

No olympics. No Spanish team caps. No medal

“Can you stop for a moment please,” you vaguely heard your sister say. Mapi had noticed you were spacing out and assumed it was because you were overwhelmed, she placed her hand gently on your thigh, to ‘bring you back’ before continuing to talk, “I’m sorry, I know this meeting was for us to talk through the recovery process and everything however I think we need to do this differently, do you maybe have a print out version of everything you were going to tell us today and we could all read through that at our own pace, maybe if needed we could book another appointment for next week, to talk more and answer any questions,” this time it was the physio’s turn to nod wordlessly, before he left the room.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted out before tears started to roll down your cheeks.

“Hey, no. There is no reason to say sorry. We shouldn’t have just assumed what works for us would work for you,” your sister told you as she stood up before wrapping her arm around your shoulders, “we’ll go home, you can read through it, either by yourself or with us and then we can talk. We’ll get through this together. Promesa.”

It had been 4 weeks since your surgery, and you were still using crutches. In three days Mapi and Ingrid were leaving for the USA meaning you would be left home alone, so you needed to start trying to be more independent, which started with you carrying your own breakfast bowl to the couch.

“I can take it, don't worry about it, it’s nothing,” Ingrid insisted.

“No, it’s fine, I’ve got it,” you snapped back, and although Ingrid could see this going badly maybe this would be the breakthrough you needed, and with just you and her home it might be good, Mapi was good and all however she didn’t make you talk, Ingrid did, which although you never wanted to do when you were upset, you were always grateful for it later, talking prevented the build up of emotions. Two steps later there was a loud smash followed by a crash, your breakfast bowl ending up on the floor, smashing, yoghourt and muesli going everywhere, soon followed by your crutches which you dropped, before you let out a small yelp, having tensed your Quad too much, causing a pain to shoot through your leg.

-

“What’s all this about?” Ingrid asked as she sat on the couch next to you and you just shrugged at her, she had given you time to stew after placing an icepack on your knee, as she didn’t want to leave the mix of yoghourt and ceramic on the floor, “I’m not Mapi, I’m going to keep pushing, you know that, you need to talk, it’s all well and good to let the tears out but you also need to get your feelings out with words too”

“I’m useless, I can’t do anything, and you and Mapi and everyone on the team is going to the US soon and I’m going to be alone, I need to figure out how to take care of myself, do simple everyday tasks,”

“You’re not staying here, you’re coming with us, why’d you assume we’d leave you alone?”

“Because I’m a burden, I’ll be a distraction, I can’t even carry anything myself,” Ingrid looked at you a little shell shocked, “the team doesn’t want me there, I wouldn’t be any help anyway, it’s not like I can play,”

“Yes we do, we all care about you, I can promise you every single person on the team loves you, they want you there, I want you there, Mapi wants you there,” Ingrid told you.

“Can I sit with Alexia on the plane? You and Mapi deserve a break, you’ve done so much over these past few weeks,”

“I don’t know if Mapi will let that happen,”

“She will, because I want to, she likes to make me happy,” you told Ingrid before letting it sink in, “she’s been seeing the team psychologist because of me hasn’t she.”

“Not exactly, she feels guilty, she was already annoyed with herself that she had let you go without her, after everything that happened, she felt like she should’ve been there with you, to protect you, she was angry with herself at the fact that she let you go but she still wouldn’t go herself, and then you got injured and she wasn’t there, she was worried, she was upset and angry with herself,” Ingrid said almost holding back tears.

“I’m sorry,” you said before you lent into Ingrid.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, you’ve done nothing wrong,”

It had been 10 months, and you were still yet to make your return, you’d made your return to the bench but not the pitch, you were frustrated to say the least, you were back to training properly, you were doing excellently, you’d been performing better in training than you had before your injury, and yet you still couldn’t get any minutes. 

“Okay Nena, that’s it, let it out, estic aquí (I’m here),” Alexia said as she rubbed your back, whilst you hunched over the bin in the gym, most definitely having overworked yourself in your extra gym session.

You slid down the wall to the ground, trying to catch your breath after just emptying your entire stomach contents into the bin. Alexia had left, you knew she’d be back, you were just hoping it wasn’t with Mapi or Ingrid.

-

“You went too hard today, sí?” Alexia sat down next to you, handing you your water bottle with cold water in it.

“Sí, I just want to get back on the pitch, but apparently I’m not okay mentally,” you replied.

“Mental health is important though, no?”

“Yes, but what do they expect, of course I’m not okay mentally, I’ve worked the hardest I ever have for the past 10 months so I can get back onto that pitch and they won’t let me on it, I’m never going to get on the pitch, I may as well just quit now, what more do they want from me?” you harshly said as hot tears streamed down your cheeks, Alexia hummed in response.

“Go shower, I’m going to talk to Pere,” Alexia said and before you had time to object she was up and gone.

-

“Nena is coming home with me,” Alexia told your sister, as her and Ingrid walked into the locker room.

“Por qué (why?)”

“Because when she walks out of that shower, you’re going to tell her the reason she hasn’t played again yet, and when you do she isn’t going to be happy,” and almost as if on cue you walked out of the showers, “go ahead, tell your Nena,”

“I’m the reason you’re not playing yet, I told them you weren’t ready yet, that your head wasn’t in the right place, I promised to protect you and that’s what I’m doing,”

“You’re not protecting me by saying I wasn’t ready to return to the pitch, you’re hurting me, all this time I thought it was me, I thought I was doing something wrong, but it was you, you’re the reason I just trained so hard I threw up, you’re the reason I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night, you’re-” “Nena,” Mapi cut you off.

“No, I don’t want to talk to you,” you snapped before walking out of the locker room, Alexia scrambling to get your stuff.

Leaving Mapi and Ingrid standing in the middle of the locker room, Mapi wondering where she went wrong and Ingrid wondering how she was meant to handle this situation. Meanwhile you were sobbing into Alexia’s shoulder as she stood with her arms tightly wrapped around you in the middle of the car park.

[boxbug]

A Canary’s Final Flight

My piece for @trafficzine 4th edition! Get it for free here! 200 pages of excellent art and fics, incredible work from all participants and from the mods especially!! huge shoutout to the mods for real

Process notes under the cut! (I struggled a lot so it's a bit of a novel)

So the entire process was a Ride. I knew when I picked this prompt that I was going to have a hard time, because Jimmy’s final death had been illustrated a billion times over by extremely talented artists. But I had a Vision of the snapshot of the second before the impact, when everything is still but you know what’s about happen. It was very much inspired by the clip of Fog by Jabberwocky, bu the thing is, they have the advantage of all the build up of the fall, and that’s when the trouble started.

This was my first version, and obviously it wasn't working. And I was trying so hard, with so many iterations! Small wings, big wings, no wings, different poses, less backgrounds elements. I'd done compositions were everything seemed peaceful but something is Wrong, but it wasn't working this time.

So instead I focused on what rendering I'd like to do - I tried a painterly approach, for that visceral feeling, but it wasn't working either (but hey, I did keep the red sky, so, progress)

At this point I'd been doing back and forths for weeks and I was just as lost as at the start. Now that's my tip for people who make art of any kind, in situations like that, stop thinking about how you can make the best piece possible, and think about you can have fun with it (because when you aren't it's visible). And for that was, 1 - going back to using ink and pen nibs and doing way too detailed inking, and 2- looking at Dave McKean's covers for Sandman (which, funnily enough, was also a reference for my previous trafficzine piece)

And from there I was actually going somewhere! Between the jagged rocks, the red sky, and the increased verticality with the borders, I had hit the vibes I wanted.

I did some experimentation with the border, and even though I really liked the bad boys I drew they were taking too much away from the lonely desolation, so I actually used Red (Unecessary Redstone)'s idea of all of Jimmy's worldy's possessions scattered on the ground post impact, with the idea to make it looks like the central image is his grave being dug.

(and yes for a short amount of time the were supposed to be clock markings on the sun, but there was already enough going with the wings so I scrapped that) (also fun fact the reason why the wings aren't fully material but more ghostly is because my toddler cousin was watching me draw the very first draft and asked why he didn't just use his wings and i went :( so the wings are a metaphor now)

So from there I found a bunch of picture and took some myself, cut and assembled everything together, added shadows in all the appropriate places, and repainted some elements so that everything would look better intergrated (some of the wheats are basically 100% handpainted, the cardboard as well). This took a suprisingly long amount of time, but I was done!

Well I wasn't expecting to have that much to say, but I hope if you're still reading, it was at least interesting!

[wonwoonlight]

when he finds out you're sick through the internet

A/N: idol!au. OC is also a celebrity though I don't explicitly say what. tiny teensy angst bc cheol is a worried Boyfriend💔 1.5k words! another random word vomits bc that's the only way i know how to write now lol idk why but everytime i write this kinda fic it's always seungcheol looooooooooooooool. not proofread, but enjoy!

[part 2]

Seungcheol doesn't really get angry.

For the three years you've known him in which you've dated him for two, you've only seen him actually get angry a total number of three times. None of them was directed at you, and all of them are for reasons that you would've exploded upon way before he did.

Seungcheol is patient and rational.

Seungcheol is normally patient and rational.

But he's never normal when it comes to you. And even though the patient bit still stands, nothing about his feelings towards you is ever rational. He's a little too emotional, a little too rash, and a little too worrisome when it comes to your wellbeing.

So when he's relaxing in the practice room during a break with his members, for once not on his phone because he's charging it somewhere on one of the tables, and he hears Seungkwan gasps a little upon his phone, he thinks there's another scandal blowing up upon the industry. But when the younger guy's blown out eyes meet him, colors drained from his face, Seungcheol hates that he knew it could mean one thing: something happened to you.

He shoots up almost immediately, not registering any words that come out of Seungkwan's mouth. His hands shake a little when he unlocks his phone, and his heart drops when he reads the official post from your company's twitter account that states your current condition, that you might need to pause your activities for the time being due to health reasons, apologizes for the worries, and asks for the fans' understanding.

He wants to get angry.

At who, he’s not sure.

At your company, for pushing you even though they know your schedule is practically inhumane? At your manager, for not making sure that you have decent rest in between schedules? At you, because he’s been telling you to fucking stop running towards whatever goal you have in mind but you insist that you know your limit and you’ll know when to stop?

Apparently, no you fucking don’t because else this wouldn’t have happened.

The rest of the members look at him in worry, and Jeonghan silently walks to their manager and the other staff to let them know about the situation at hand, that Seungcheol would probably not be in his best state to continue practice at the moment. The leader would probably insist that they continue anyway, but they’ve practiced for almost five hours already anyway and they could spare an hour or two for the leader when it’s clear that he’s worried beyond measure.

Seungcheol bites his lip as he tries to call you, his concern skyrocketing by the seconds the longer the beeping sound goes, no sign of you picking it up. He tries one more time, but you still don’t answer and he’s about to hurl his phone at the wall when your manager calls him instead, tells him that he sees his name flashing on your phone, informs your whereabouts, and that he should just drop by your place in a few hours if he wants to see you because right now you’re still sleeping in the car and he’s taking you home.

He finds it hard to say anything, a lump growing in his throat until he manages to swallow it down and ask how you’re doing right now.

“She’s… exhausted.” Your manager says quietly. “I know it’s my job to take care of her but… you know her. She didn’t tell me that she’s been having a hard time sleeping at night the past few weeks and it finally took a toll on her.”

It’s hard to suppress his anger, his breath heavier than usual though it’s not too noticeable unless they know Seungcheol. He wants to scream at your manager, but he knows it won’t do anyone any good and it’s really not the time nor the place for that. So he mutters a quiet ‘thank you’ before he hangs up, his members looking at him with a mix of worry and understanding when he looks up at them.

“Go.” Soonyoung says. “We’ve practiced enough today. Take care of your girlfriend and tell us later.”

Seungcheol nods and sprints out of the room, beyond thankful that his members always have his back.

Seungcheol is glaring at you when you wake up, though the way his thumb is still softly caressing your head and the worry in his eyes clearly tell you that his anger is nowhere near his distress. 

You offer him a weak smile, unable to defend yourself because you know what his eyes are scolding you for.

“Sorry?” You whisper and immediately cringe at how dry your throat feels.

He doesn’t say anything as he helps you sit down and hands you your favorite mug. Taking in the moment, you frown at how weak you feel, though you really only have yourself to blame because you genuinely thought you’re okay and you can take it.

You know it’s on you for taking as many schedules as possible, practically everything that your company offers you even when your manager says he doesn’t think it’s physically possible for you to do all that in such a short span.

Thinking about it now, you realize that your manager and the rest of your team also gets the short end of the stick through your decision. Him, your make up team, and your stylists would all need to be with you and your ambition forgets to consider their wellbeing even when you wrongly claim you would be able to handle it.

Guilt starts to eat you inside out, and it grows even larger as you see Seungcheol in front of you–didn’t he say he had practice today?–his face screams distressed and his shoulders tense since God knows when.

“Hey, talk to me.” He says softly when he notices you’ve been spacing out and you’re nibbling on your lip like you would when you’re anxious, taking away your mug before enveloping your hands with his.

You tear up almost immediately, and he moves to sit on the edge of your bed to usher you into his chest, patiently listens to your nonsense as you try to talk through your tears. He gets the gist of it: sorry–manager–company–wellbeing–my team–didn’t think it through–made you worry–overestimated myself–sorry–and the list goes on. He exhales as he hugs you tighter, both understanding and upset at the turns of events.

Being in the same industry, he gets what you’re trying to do, understands that you feel the need to keep on running while you’re able to, relates that you’re doing everything for yourself and your fans. But still, it’s hard not to be upset to know you’re pushing yourself too hard when he’s been telling you there’s no need to run as fast as you are without resting; that you’ll only hurt yourself one way or another and he hates that the one time he needs to be right, it’s this.

You end up laying down against his chest on your bed, hiccups and sniffles filling your bedroom along with a random song he’s humming against your head. You pull away to properly look at him, the first time you’re doing it since you woke up earlier, and his hum stops in question.

“Thank you.” You manage to whisper, your fingers grasping the front of his shirt without even realizing. “For being here when I woke up.”

He shakes his head like he doesn’t understand why you’re thanking him, simply leans down to plant a long, chaste kiss against your forehead before he pulls up your blanket so it’ll cover you properly.

“Just… don’t surprise me like that again, okay?” His breath is warm against your face, pleasantly so, and you nod as you promise him that you’ll take better care of yourself moving forward. 

“Are you staying the night?”

“Yes, I’ll return to the dorm the day after tomorrow. They’ve given me a day off.” You cringe at his words, though thankful that he’s been in the industry long enough to attain that kind of privilege. But still, you feel bad that you’re obstructing his practice and his members just because you’re foolish enough to– “Hey. Stop. I know what you’re thinking. No need to feel bad. I’m actually glad I get to rest with you.”

“But–”

“No buts. The kids can do without me for a day.” He playfully bumps his forehead against yours, his lips hover above yours merely centimeters apart.  He doesn’t meet your lips, though he kisses their corner sweetly and wraps you back into his embrace to the point where there’s no space between you two. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Good night, Cheol.”

“Night, baby.”

“See you in my dream?”

“I’ll see you anywhere you want me to be.”

He hugs you tighter, and you try your best to return the gesture despite the awkward position of your arms. It’s uncomfortable and you’re sure your arms will be sore the next morning.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way. Not when you succumb to sleep and find Seungcheol smiling at you on the other side of your dream, as real as he can be.

cont.

[leconcombrerit]

This thing had been rotting in my files for a year (minus three weeks but that's basically a year). It was a redraw of one of my first ever pieces for this fandom, and I still find it quite okay if a little stiff in places, so I thought I might as well share it since I don't draw that much anymore.

And then I had second thoughts, which obviously led to me posting it anyway, as you can see, but I realized I've almost made it a point not to draw anything related to Sasi anymore. As in at all. I can't, and I don't want to, and even sharing old art feels a bit 'meh'. It's too directly linked to my long going art block.

What I mean by that is that if I took all the followers I have out there and asked them what they know me or initially followed me for, you might have a fair amount of Lis 2 and the occasional Desert Bluffs afficionados, but you'd get an overwhelming majority of Sanders Sides. Sanders Sides fashion posts even. I was by no means famous for it or anything, but at my small artist scale, it was the biggest success I had.

And it makes it much harder to go back to it at all now. One, because I don't give a damn about the show anymore. Two, because I haven't been properly obsessing over anything in a while (there was a series early this year but given the actual emotional distress I get thinking about it I'm ruling it out). I haven't had real engagement from my own brain, nor real engagement from a broad audience -which makes sense, I'm not posting for anything that will reach a broad audience. But it takes its toll regardless.

Even when I finally finished writing a long fic, I couldn't help but feel 'all this for what ? Ten people or so and two hundreds have dropped it ?'. Which is a bad way to think about stuff you write for your own enjoyment but, you know, the brain gets happy with external validation even if you pretend really hard you don't care.

And so it feels tempting to go back to the golden goose just the time to get the creative juice pumping back, and I try, and I always end up frustrated and angry and feeling even less like making art that before. I'm not having fun with Sasi. Like an old friend you have nothing to say to and yet you have so much to say otherwise, so you get a bit frustrated, you know ? Not sure I'm making much sense, but that's how it feels. I want to have something like that again, but it won't be with Sanders Sides, and I somehow just want if off my radar.

It was left hanging, then lost its spark, and then I stopped caring altogether and I most likely won't even watch the finale when it does come out. I'm over it. I wish I wasn't though, because it does feel like the artistic spark won't come back all on its own this time, and the buzzing community made it so much easier to bounce back and do shit when your brain got wired all wrong.

It sounds like I'm just bawling after love and likes and stuff, and I guess that's part of it, in a way ? Like I'm in no place to do things for myself, and seeing the one thing I used to use to get back in the flow giving me a bored sense of dread doesn't feel too great.

Yet this drawing is still good ! I find it good ! I don't remember everything, but I can tell from the looks of it that I spent a while on it ! It's nice ! I should celebrate that. So I'm sharing it. I think it will be the last piece of Sasi I ever share, though. I'm not watching the finale when it comes out. I don't care about it. I'll just keep doodling my OCs and characters from cool books every once in a while. I'll write little things.

I just really, really need to stop trying to go back to it when it's clearly not working and not even for good reasons. It was a fun ride though ! So yeah. Basically. A whole ass rant for a one year old piece of art. I'm in my bi-annual depresso mood, nothing too surprising there.

[mossyeyeballs]

TW: mentions of pretty much everything terrible. 🍇, trafficking, all of the above.

CLASS OF 09 RANT, FLIP SIDE SPOILERS

Ok not my usual post (I’ve posted twice ik but shush) but what the freak was the flip side??….. I was a huge fan of class of 09 + the re up but this game was so.. what’s the word….. dog shit? Even if we ignore half of the game being about the creators weird foot fetish, the sl@ve ending was so unnecessary. I feel like the only thing in that route that was worth writing was the issue in retail work and that wasn’t even the star focus, let alone side focus. The main plot of that route was the counselor having some weird illegal 🌽 warehouse, jecka finding it, and then him blackmailing her into human 🚙 🚙 ing?

The only ending I thought was necessary IF THAT was when Jecka found Nicole after the sue a side ending from re up. I thought it did a decent job at talking about sue a side victims, and how nobody really cares about them until it’s too late, And even then they only care for a week or so and then move on.

But the Jeffery dying one was the most out of place in my opinion (unfortunately it beats the foot ending.) For starters, Nicole was really out of character imo, like yeah she’s talked about wishing Jeffery was dead before, but her actually killing him just out of boredom is so odd. Her entire character is “I don’t put effort into anything unless it benefits me.” Killing Jeffrey was not only ALOT of effort, but she gained absolutely nothing. On top of that, saying it’s different than doing. Like how she talked about wishing her mom was dead, but then when she had a heart attack, she panicked. Plus, she PLANNED on making Jecka take some of the blame on his death, which she stated in past games she wouldn’t do. She literally never put Jecka in harms way, let alone jail if it didn’t also benefit them both. But this didn’t, she just did it to do it.

While we’re talking about Nicole being out of character, I feel it valid to mention her and Jeckas dad. For obvious (and gross) reasons, I won’t be detailing this, but her doing that to Jecka wasn’t fully out of character, but still odd. Like I mentioned earlier, Nicole never really did anything to spite Nicole, so I find it odd that she did in this game. You could blame it on “oh she’s a sociopath she doesn’t care.” But I don’t think that’s inherently true. Yeah, I guess it’s canon she’s a sociopath, but in that case they do a bad job at consistency. She’s shown in both games 1 and 2 caring about people she’s close with, whether it’s Jecka, her mom, or even Emily in one segment. So I find it completely random that she did this to Jecka over something as small as not sharing how she got into foot work. Jeckas done much worse stuff to Nicole, and Nicole just didn’t care because they were friends, or didn’t feel the need to put effort into doing something if she did care. So yeah, Nicole basically screwing Jeckas dad over something so little felt out of character.

One of the few things that bothered me the least, but I feel the need to mention was the foot work stuff. Not because it was out of character, i fear I’ve seen worse stuff mentioned in that game. But I guess the way it was portrayed as less of a story plot and more of the creator trying to live out his fantasies. He himself has stated Jeffrey is basically a self insert, so the whole being sexually obsessed with Jecka and her feet felt REALLY weird. Compared to Nicole’s my space favor thing, this just felt dirty. For comparison. Both Jecka and Nicole took up sex work to keep a home life or lackthereof, they both got money from strangers to do sexual things, and they both hated doing it. But why did Jeckas feel so much more personal and gross? Because the actual sex work was shown. In graphic detail. And all of Jeffrey’s (the creators) personal thoughts were stated with no backlash. Jeffery literally asked Jecka if she would 🍒feed him, and he was excused. When Nicole was asked the same hing from the same guy, he was insulted, yelled at, even told to leave.

So, creepy creator who’s obsessed with his barely legal characters, Jecka being sold to 🚙 🚙ing agaisnt her will, Jeffrey being murdered for no reason other than a giggle or two from his haters, Jecka accidentally killing Ari cause she was drunk driving, feet fan service, and fan service in general aside, the game is left only with the regular drug and alcohol abusage we always see. which in the game that was advertised as a new experience felt really stale and honestly left me bored. The ONE SINGULAR time during this game that I giggled was when the hat man appeared in the Ari route.

If you’ve fully ignored everything I said in this, maybe didn’t care, or didn’t even read it. Id just like to mention for everyone that the creator of this game said that anybody who disliked him, his games, his writing, or his humor were kid diddlers. In full seriousness. So yeah, no shock this game was bad, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected better from someone who thinks his haters are all child likers. All this being said, I enjoyed class of 09, and the re up. I’m hoping the anime episode that comes out soon with be a decent save. all of THAT being said, I don’t support this creator. I don’t support his actions, I think he’s a shitty person who’s made some shitty jokes, but made some not so shitty games that I decently enjoyed. I also haven’t bought them, so none of my money has gone towards him or his projects. I in NO WAY support him. Thanks for reading.

Feel free to comment down some of your own opinions if you feel so inclined, I’m interested in what everyone else thought of this game :))

[acesw]

a short patch timeline on reverse 1999

So I've been going back and forth for almost a year now on comprehending and helping people comprehend the timeline in Reverse: 1999 because oh my god, it's so, so convoluted that it's still taking a long time for me to even write down the information without overexplaining it. And that's just the main story.

However, I've been able to piece together the timeline events by patch and chapter to make things easier for everyone. (...unless you want me to even include the anecdotes, which is another can of worms I'd like to not open.)

However, since 2.0 forwards will be taking place after 1.9, I won't be including the patch names. But, I will put their placements in the timeline without making specific notes to avoid spoilers.

I'd like to first note that 1.6 (Notes on Shuori) has no definite placement on the timeline. The reason why is that 1.6 is personally considered a timeline anomaly; there are plot holes and information that made it difficult to deduce when it took place. (i.e. Yenisei's origins, Getian's character story, Bessmert's* presence) For now, I will leave this out.

Additionally, a lot of the character stories take place between the past and the future. Thus, the character story that chronologically takes place the earliest by far is Lucy's while the latest would be Ezra's.

—

First of all, we start with 1.8 (Farewell, Rayashki) in its entirety. From Windsong's past, to her arrival in Rayashki, to when the second "Storm" took place, and Vila and the kids needed to adjust to this new normal.

Next is Chapter 3 (Nouvelles et Textes pour Rien) and Chapter 5's interchapter. (The Star) Both the story of Vertin's becoming of the Timekeeper, and Greta Hofmann's experience with the Apeiron group are both aligned. Greta even mentions Vertin in her log after returning to the Foundation.

Afterwards we skip to 4 years later, and we're now in 1966. (Post First "Storm") Three events occur here. First, 1.1, (Theft of the Rimet Cup) then 1.3, (Journey to Mor Pankh) and then finally, the Prologue of our story. (This is Tomorrow)

Its then quite straightforward afterwards. We immediately follow up with the first 4 Chapters taking us through 1929 to late 1913. Then afterwards, we have Chapters 5-7 taking place within the first 3 weeks of January 1914, and then we're immediately taken to August 1990 at the end of Chapter 7.

I'd like to also add that within those 3 chapters, both rougelikes (Echoes in the Mountains and Series of Dusks) took place within the same time. Although, Series of Dusks ends before Chapter 7 due to Semmelweis and Lorelei leaving with the Foundation right before the "Storm" hit.

Now, in 1990, we start with 1.2 (Nightmare at Green Lake) followed by patches 2.0-2.2, all of which take place in immediate succession. And then for now, we end with 1.5. (Revival! Of the Uluru Games)

So if I put all of these in one list, it looks like this:

Notes on Shuori (1.6) - Undetermined placement

Farewell, Rayashki (1.8) - 1999+1 (1996) -> 1999+2 (1985)

Nouvelles et Textes pour Rien + The Star (Ch. 3 and Ch. 5 Interchapter) - 1999+4 (1987)

Theft of the Rimet Cup (1.1) - March 1966

Journey to Mor Pankh (1.3) - April-May 1966

This is Tomorrow (Prologue) - Jun. 3 1966 -> Feb. 14 1929

In Our Time (Ch. 1) - Feb. 14 1929

Tender is the Night (Ch. 2) - Feb. 15 1929 -> Aug. 1913

Nouvelles et Textes pour Rien (Ch. 3 - Present Time) - Aug. 25 1913

El Oro de Los Tigres (Ch. 4) - Aug. 26 -> Oct. 10 1913

Prisoner in The Cave (Ch. 5) - Dec. 24 - Jan. 4 1914

The Star (Ch. 5 - Interchapter) - Jan. 4 1914

Echoes in the Mountain (Rougelike 1) - Undetermined time, before Jan. 8 1914

E lucevan le Stelle (Ch. 6) - Jan. 6-12 1914

Series of Dusks (Rougelike 2) - Jan. 8-13 1914

Vereinsamt (Ch. 7) - Jan. 12-13 1914 -> Aug. 1990

Nightmare of Green Lake (1.2) - Sept. - Oct. 1990

Patches 2.0 - 2.2 - Sept. - Nov. 1990

Revival! Of the Uluru Games (1.5) - Jan 1991

The story can only get even more convoluted from here. As of the moment, I've been sort of working on a larger timeline to piece the entire story together, especially since we've yet to finish it before the story ends. New stories and information continuously flows in the meantime.

[del-thetiredwriter]

Mafia au/ Good Luck while running away from the mafia part 1

Intro , part 0.5 , part 2 , part 3 , part 4 , part 5

Notes: Guess what I’m back . To be honest I didn’t quite like it but anyway I’m posting it and I can’t write fight scenes (￣▽￣;). It’s so exhausting.

Tags: @loivre , @randomlyappearingartist , @serenity-loves-red , @hasty-desert , @moonlight-nightwing , @hrhqueenfox , @oceanside-pixie

Warning: cursing, fighting, blood, shooting, Yandere stuff…

“Riddle-san, what are you doing, sir?”

At the question, Riddle briefly lifted his eyes from the documents and looked at you.

“I was just wondering about a thing.” He replied.

You looked around at the files arranged in order. All of them had one thing in common: betrayal, crime, wrong, etc. against the organizations punishments .

“I was really curious about what caught Riddle-san's attention. What could possibly make you go through even the files from the old manager Trein-sensei's time?"

Riddle smiled.

"Don't worry, you'll find out soon." said Riddle.

You were suddenly startled by the sound of footsteps. Apparently you fell asleep. You're not normally someone who sleeps a lot, but for the past two weeks you haven't been able to sleep properly.

After leaving the organization or rather escaping, you temporarily settled in a remote coastal city where you hoped they'd find you a little late. With a little help, you changed your identity, your phone line, everything. You've removed everything that indicates Y/n L/n.

Life here was calmer compared to your old life. You wished you could stay here forever. But you knew they would find you eventually. You lived ,one night in your sleep afraid that they would find you at your most vulnerable moment.

You were currently working in a cafe. Although it may seem a little illogical, working at the cafe, which was open until midnight, was actually a little better for you. The more people around you, the easier it is to avoid them.

"Yo!" You turned the way you came. Your colleague Alex was glaring at you with his arms folded.

“Yuu, what are you doing in the camera room again, are you skipping work again?”

'Yuu' is your new identity that you created to make it harder for them to find you while running away. You still had a hard time getting used to the name.

“No, Alex. I just- "

"Anyway, I'm going downstairs. You have the upstairs okay?"

You nodded and Alex left the room. You looked at the clock, it was 10:00 pm. You stretched yourself and yawned. Two more hours until the end of the shift.

As you were about to get up, your eyes were caught by the cameras. Your eyes widened in panic at what you saw. You watched three people enter the cafe. You'll recognize those red hair, those grins, those faces wherever you see them. Heartslabyul found you. No, they all found you. You clenched your teeth, your time was limited.

The reason you spent most of your time in the camera room was because you could see everything from here. You quickly grabbed your gun from the locked drawer and loaded it. Deuce and Cater took a table downstairs near the front exit. Ace was walking up the stairs.

You took a deep breath. You should have thought fast. You should have gotten out of here . But for that you had to go down the stairs first.

You went behind the door and waited. You waited for Ace to find you.

Look at the cameras. It was approaching. You gripped your gun tightly. And the door opened. You punched the poor boy in the face as the door opened.

“Agh-“ A bitter moan broke out from Ace.

Before he could draw his gun, you kicked him in the stomach and dropped it to the ground.

“Agh- it's been a long time and the first thing you do when you see me is attack me? Really Y/n.” Ace grinned . Clutching his nose, which was bleeding from your punch.

You muttered, "Bastard."

“Come on Y/n didn't you miss me? I missed you so much." He tried to punch you, but you avoided him. You both started to struggle. Ace might have been strong, but you were more experienced and stronger than him. You grabbed him by the head and knocked him to the ground. Before he could regain his balance, you took his tie and tied him with it.

“What am I going to miss about you, you sadistic bastard!”

You picked up the gun on the ground.

“What? Are you going to shoot me ?” Ace said in a tone you didn't like.

“You have to stop asking questions you know the answer to.”

At 11:00 pm, screams broke out in a cafe with the sound of 'bang' gunfire. Everyone in the cafe began to flee desperately, except for two people. The two men, one with red hair and the other with black hair, started to make their way to the upper floor of the cafe.

“Do you think who shot whom, hmm~” Cater asked the younger one.

As the two of them went upstairs, the power went out suddenly and the whole cafe was plunged into darkness.

“Looks like Y/n-chan won.” said Cater to himself.

“Let's separate . You stay here, Y/n has to use the stairs before they can get out of the cafe.” Cater instructed.

“Okay, sir.” said Deuce.

You held your breath under the table. You waited for Cater's footsteps to go away. You were the one who cut the electricity. Five minutes later the generator would start working . You should have gotten out of here by then. Finally, making sure that Cater was far enough away, you slowly came out from under the table. No matter how hard you tried not to make a sound, Deuce heard you.

“Y/n? Is this you ?"

Now that his eyes were accustomed to the dark, he could barely make out your silhouette. Everything happened so abruptly. You took a chair and hit Deuce with it. While he was stunned by the blow, you ran downstairs with your names and the electricity came back. Your five minutes were up.

When the lights were turned on, an unexpected sight was in front of you.

Riddle was sitting at a table eating strawberry pie as if nothing had happened.

“Ah, Y/n you finally came down. I was getting really bored waiting for you.” He said while taking a slice of the pie.

You pointed your gun at him. "Get out of my way if you don't-"

"It's been a long time since we've seen each other, Y/n, but will you put that gun down?" A familiar voice said as you turned around and saw Trey pointing his gun at you. As always, even in this state, he was smiling gently at you.

“Tch. What do you want ? Why are you here?" You asked questions that you know very well the answer to.

Riddle smiled.

“Y/n L/n you are posing a great danger to the organization right now. You also have cases of injuring my men. You understand what I'm trying to say, right?"

"Get out of my way or I'll shoot you."

Riddle laughed.

“You won’t t kill me, you can't. Just like we can't do to you. Now if you drop that gun, I'll do my best to mitigate your sentence."

This was clearly a lie. You grit your teeth. You smiled calmly and did as he said. You slowly put your gun down and raised your hands in the air.

“Well done, here it is. I wish you would always listen to my words like this. Now let's go back." said Riddle.

“Sorry Riddle but I won't be back!” You said and detonated the smoke bomb you were hiding. The area was suddenly covered with fog. You quickly walked out the front door through that mess and got into your car.

“Get them quick!” Riddle shouted.

You quickly drove away. There was no turning back anymore. The Game has started.

[starlight-eclipsed]

Rockets Pointed Up at the Stars (Pt 1/2)

Inspired by this braindead rejected soulmates au post by @im-totally-not-an-alien-2. More art at the end!

Part II

Tim slumped down on the edge of an apartment building, leaning his weight against the rooftop’s fence. The alleyways below were deserted, criminals retreating to get a couple hours of sleep before sunrise. A perfect setting to catch a breather before ending his patrol for the night.

The Red Robin suit still felt wrong on him. He thought waiting a week to get accustomed to it would help, but he might have made a mistake when he tried to adjust it to be as close to his Robin uniform as possible without it being obvious. He’d have to remember to alter it further the next time he got the chance, to see if wearing something entirely different would finally make him stop checking the shadows for Bruce. Patrolling Gotham alone felt too much like admitting he was really gone.

Just as he was about to move on, the rooftop access door slammed open.

Tim nearly jumped out of his skin as he whirled around, ready to either apologize, attack, or flee, when he met familiar glowing green eyes.

Subconsciously, he let himself breathe easy as he took in the other’s appearance.

Phantom was an anomaly at the best of times. A phantom thief by definition, the criminal had simply appeared one day to cause chaos—lingering only to taunt his pursuers as he made a daring escape with whatever priceless treasure of the month. His motives were unknown, as was virtually anything about him besides his calling card (a green sticky note with nothing but ‘BOO’ written in permanent black marker), appearance, and a meta ability to phase through objects.

Of course, one couldn’t be a phantom thief without a detective rival (or so the thief in question claimed). For some reason, Phantom had outright declared not Batman, but Robin for the role. Tim couldn’t count how many sleepless nights were spent chasing after him, face red from a mixture of exertion and embarrassment. Because it wasn’t enough for the admittedly good-looking criminal roughly his age to run circles around him. No, the jerk had to go out of his way to flirt with him the whole time.

He hadn’t even thought about how Phantom would react to there being a new Robin. But looking at him now, a small part of Tim couldn’t help but feel selfishly glad. From what he could see of the furious expression on his shadowed face and glowing eyes, it wasn’t hard to see that Phantom was taking the change about as well as Tim was.

“I leave for two weeks, and suddenly there’s a new Batman and Robin?! What the fuck, Detective—you’d think to at least have the decency to tell a guy, but nooo, I had to find out through goddamn Victor Fries!”

Tim blinked, “Didn’t Mr. Freeze retire after someone brought his wife back?”

Phantom paused his fury, shrugging a bit. “Nora keeps track of everything happening in Gotham in case something her husband did to save her comes back to bite them.”

“Huh.”

“Anyway! It took me going after Victor to ask why there was a new Robin for me to hear that the actual Batman was dead, Gotham went berserk for a while as every other guy tried to take up the position, and somewhere along the lines you got the grand idea to add ‘red’ to your name! Which makes no sense, since you practically lived for that mantle and I would’ve bet that you’d take it past the grave if given the chance.”

Tim winced. As per usual, Phantom’s words hit home in more ways than intended.

The thief stopped short, the glowing of his eyes intensifying as he looked over Tim’s new identity. Tim didn’t move as soundless footsteps strode forward, not even pausing as Phantom phased through the chain link fence to sit a couple feet away from him.

He could count on one hand the number of times Phantom had done this. One second they’d be exchanging insults, and then suddenly the criminal would stop and stare, feeling like he was gazing into the depths of Tim’s very soul. Each time, he called off their chase, insisting that Tim take a break and talk to someone about whatever was troubling him. It was uncanny how he could somehow tell when Tim’s negative feelings were overwhelming his rational thought—Batman himself would use Phantom encounters to measure Tim’s wellbeing at times.

Looking back, it was odd how Phantom would insert himself into every aspect of Robin’s life, but back off the second he sensed something was wrong. He’d call attention to whenever Tim was particularly anxious, once even physically dragging Bruce over to ‘talk to your son when he’s sad’, but never offer any comfort himself. But here they were, Phantom obviously seeing something Tim could never hope to conceal, with no Bruce nearby to summon and make things better.

Tim’s throat clogged at the reminder of yet another little thing Bruce might never get to do again. He couldn’t be dead, not with how many times Tim checked the body and struggled to recognize the man who’d become like a father to him. 

“...I…I know we’re not exactly friends, Detective. But if you need to get something off your chest, I swear to never use it against you.” Phantom fidgeted with his cloak. From this close a distance, Tim could see the faint glimmer of sparkling purple constellations embroidered on the inside. For some reason, the sight of the soft fabric never failed to calm his nerves.

(It reminded him of a time long ago, when he held a gel ink pen and asked a mystery person to quit whatever they were doing that left his arms covered in star charts that didn’t match anything in the Earth’s night sky.)

He didn’t dare force himself to speak, for fear he might break this tentative peace. Thankfully, Phantom seemed to be taking initiative that night.

“...did you know that I used to be a teen hero?”

Tim’s head jerked upright, meeting Phantom’s eyes. It was impossible to tell exactly what expression he was making behind the mask, but he got a sense of bitter nostalgia. “You never talk about your past.”

A scoff, “Yeah, ‘cause it’s depressing as fuck. Not exactly the sort of thing you can talk about causally.”

He chewed his lip, thinking. “Your suit…minus the cloak, it looks reminiscent of a uniform.”

Phantom fiddled with a cylinder hooked on his belt. It was the only piece of tech visible on his person, a modified soup thermos that somehow served as a near infinite item storage. Impressive, if not odd.

“Yeah, the cloak is more of a blanket than anything else. I added it on when I got tired of looking at the same clothes I used to save my hometown in. It…I didn’t become a hero for fame. It was more trouble than it was worth, honestly. You guys nowadays have so much better support systems than when I was in the business. Makes me wonder if…” he trailed off.

“...why’d you stop?” Tim asked gently, more than willing to throw himself into this new mystery now that he knew it was there.

“It was too much. Everyone wanted me gone, even the people I was protecting. I was hated for my powers, for not always being on the scene when I was needed, for not ending fights faster and for the property damage my villains caused. I didn’t live in a place with metahuman protection laws. The few people that knew my secret identity got tired of superhero life and ditched the first chance they got.” He sighed, “I was hurting, and was desperate for a way out.”

Tim frowned, “So you moved to Gotham and started stealing?”

Phantom snorted. “Nah, I was fucked up for a while after I ran away. It’s funny, one of my rogues was the first to track me down and drag me to a hospital to get my injuries checked. Like a dozen of them got together for an intervention, I thought I was finally losing my grip on reality. I spent a couple months recovering, then took one of them up on a suggestion to try causing trouble for a change. Not anything super bad, but…”

“...enough to feel more in control?” Tim suggested. It wasn’t uncommon for people in bad situations to commit minor crimes, both for the adrenaline and the power rush. Tim himself had once poured his whole soul into tracking and photographing Gotham’s nighttime birds. A hobby that was more than a bit cringe-worthy in hindsight, and definitely creepy considering how much effort he put into stalking his idols. Honestly his young age was the only reason he didn’t get put on a watchlist when he revealed himself to Bruce. That, and the whole I-know-your-secret-identity thing.

“Oof. Yeah, that’s a way to put it. Being hated hurt less when that’s what I was aiming for, y’know?”

Tim tilted his head. “I never hated you.”

A derisive laugh, “Uh-huh. And you loved being led on goose chases when there were more important ways to spend your time.”

“I’m serious.” Tim shifted so that he was better facing Phantom. He didn’t know why, but couldn’t stand the thought of Phantom leaving tonight convinced he was universally hated. “You only make a scene on quiet nights, and you always slowed down for me whenever I had to stop and intervene on some other crime. And you only target the private collections of rich people. Not anyone whose life would be ruined by something getting stolen. You even go out of your way to make sure the guards on duty don’t get in trouble, even when it puts you in a strategically worse position. And…”

He hesitated. Bruce wouldn’t approve…but then again, there was that weird relationship he had with Selina.

“And it was fun. To chase you. It was challenging and frustrating, but your appearance meant that there was nothing else to worry about that night. We could just run regular patrols.”

Oracle was the one to make the connection. Tim didn’t know where along the lines it became an accepted fact, only that Bruce was more comfortable about Robin patrolling alone when Phantom was making a move. A miracle considering what happened to the last one.

Phantom blinked, frowning a bit before his eyes went wide, a shaky smile forming on his lips. “Thanks…it was fun for me too. Kinda the whole reason I kept setting up scenes for Robin to find.”

Tim laughed. The sound startled both of them—he didn’t remember the last time he genuinely smiled like this. It had to be sometime before Bruce was gone, at least.

“So…” Phantom hopped down on the railing of a balcony below, balancing precariously in the way that only he could. He looked up at Tim with an easygoing smile that did little to hide the concern underneath. “As your self-proclaimed favorite rogue, wanna tell me what’s up with the sudden change?”

He shifted a bit, grin fading. “Well…Batman died. He was facing Darkseid and got hit. After the chaos died down, Nightwing took up the mantle and made Batman’s son the new Robin, to help him grieve or something.”

“I don’t know where to start with that.” Phantom adjusted his hood, briefly revealing tan skin underneath. “You sound like you didn’t have a say in it. Wasn’t Robin yours?”

Something bitter worked its way up through Tim’s chest. “It was a borrowed title anyway. I only took it up to help Batman, so it makes sense that I was dismissed—”

“No.”

“—after huh?”

Phantom strode up to him, poking a finger at his knee. “You love being Robin. You don’t have to justify losing your identity. It could’ve been taken in the name of world peace for all I care, that doesn’t make it any less shitty. You just lost someone super important to you, and your connection to them was taken because someone thought your grief was less important. I don’t care who the current one is, you are just as much Batman’s son.”

Tim couldn’t help the small sob that escaped. Or when it doubled, and tears started burning at his eyes. He rubbed at them in an attempt to stop them before they could make his mask go hot and sticky, but was startled out of it by a soft weight being thrown over him. He looked up to see Phantom leaning over him, securing the hood of his cloak over Tim’s own head.

“You looked like you needed some comfort. It’s weighted.” Phantom shrugged.

“...thanks.” Tim pulled it closer, more than happy to latch onto yet another new focus. “How do you move so easily in this? It feels like I’m being hugged by gravity.”

Phantom chuckled, and it was at that moment Tim suddenly realized the other was floating in the air over him. Since when has he been able to fly?

“I use intangibility a lot, but it’s not my only power. It felt like overkill to use more than that in my heists. So I didn’t.”

Tim groaned, “You were going easy on me this whole time?”

“Oh, definitely not. I’m sure you’ve noticed, but intangibility is arguably the most pain in the ass thing to counter. I’m being annoying on purpose.”

Phantom grinned, and Tim couldn’t help but analyze the full sight of him. Everything from his teeth to his ears was pointed, a sharp contrast to the wispy white hair that flowed smoothly in a nonexistent breeze. The most attention grabbing was a glowing green mark resembling a gash across his chest, roughly in the place where a hero would wear their logo. The sight of it made Tim’s own chest ache.

“I don’t think Batman is dead.” He said suddenly.

“What makes you say that?” Phantom asked, reclining on empty air. 

It wasn’t denial, not calling him insane or lost in grief. For the first time since his fight with Dick, Tim felt as though he could breathe again. “I know it sounds crazy, there’s no proof—”

“Woah woah woah,” Phantom reached forward, gently pulling Tim’s hands away from where he had started pulling at his hair. “Slow down. Walk me through your thought process.”

“It just…it doesn’t feel right. Not that I can’t believe it if he died, but this specifically doesn’t feel right. I’d feel it if Br-Batman was dead…there was a whole cloning facility where Batman’s body was found.”

That seemed to spark interest in Phantom’s eyes. “You think the body was a clone?”

“Why would someone as powerful and precise as Darkseid drop everything and kill someone he was in the process of cloning? Why was he even trying to clone Batman specifically? We’re missing something, and I think Darkseid is using everyone’s grief to cover his plan.”

Phantom propped his chin on his hand, deep in thought. “Darkseid…I’ve heard that name before. Does he have something to do with time or space?”

Tim practically sagged in relief. “He can travel freely through both, and has a host of other abilities that give Superman a run for his money.”

He snapped his fingers, “Ah, that Darkseid! Yeah, if he wanted Bats dead there wouldn’t be a body left. I’d bet my collection he’s lost in time somewhere.”

“Thank you!” Tim gestured wildly, “You’re officially the first person to hear me out. Like, is it really so hard to believe?”

“No probs, Detect-o. It’s not the weirdest thing I’ve heard, by far.”

“Exactly,” Tim huffed, leaning back and sighing. “Now I just have to convince the Justice League so they can go back in time and grab him.”

“Why not just get him yourself?”

Tim glanced over to where Phantom hung in the sky. “Unless you’re also hiding time powers in there, we kinda need the League to get to him. Plus I don’t even know when in time he is.”

“Lucky for you, I know a guy,” Phantom grinned. “The Master of Time messaged me this mornin’, something about stopping Batman from breaking the time space continuum. It’s why I’m back in Gotham so soon.”

“You…know the Master of Time.”

“Yep!” He popped the p.

“And they messaged you.”

Phantom hummed, “You can imagine how it went when I tried to confront Batman a couple hours ago. The new Robin’s a menace, if I was any slower you’d have to deal with a Phantom shish kebab.”

Tim winced. It was never fun to be on the wrong end of Damian’s katana. Still, he focused back on the insanity at hand. “So you’re saying you can just go back and rescue Batman right now?”

“Now that I know what’s happening, yeah. Clocky probably already has a portal ready for me. Batman will be back before you can say ‘Gotham’!”

It was inconceivable. To think, the living nightmare of the past weeks would be over, just like that. His brain was screaming at him that this was some sort of cruel setup, that there was no way Phantom was telling the truth. There had to be a catch somewhere, some kind of punchline in the sick comedy that was the life of Tim Drake.

But his heart, the part of him that just wanted his dad back won out.

“What’s stopping you? You’re not usually one to wait for a window of opportunity.”

Phantom rubbed the back of his neck. “No, but I distinctly remember waiting for a certain vigilante. I was wondering if…you’d like to come with?”

Tim’s jaw dropped. “You’re inviting me, a vigilante who has attempted to arrest you dozens of times…to travel back in time to save Batman, another vigilante who has tried to put you under arrest.”

“Emphasis on tried,” Phantom joked, before turning serious. “I mean it—it’s your family. Besides, it could be fun. You come with me on a time heist, instead of sitting back here worrying your pretty head off with all the ways things could go wrong. And you get to tell everyone else ‘I told ya so’ when you save Batman on your own.”

He tried to work his mind through what Phantom was offering. To be able to fix things, maybe not go back to the way they used to be (Damian might actually kill him if he ever wore Robin again) but to have Bruce back. It wasn’t even a question.

No matter how smart Tim was, how he tried to plan things in advance the way Bruce did, he never stopped being the lonely kid who would sneak out at night to shadow his heroes. When Phantom reached out to offer a hand, Tim didn’t hesitate.

“You’re wrong, though.”

Phantom blinked, firmly gripping Tim’s hand without hurting him. “About what?”

“I wouldn’t be saving Batman on my own. We’d be doing it together.”

A fanged grin matched his own, blinding him to the swirling green portal that formed around them. Before Tim could so much as wonder if he maybe should’ve messaged someone about what he was setting off to do, they were already gone.

— - —

This was supposed to be a oneshot, but it got a bit long so I decided to split it up.

I really love this au, but I noticed that everyone has a tendency to hone in on the angst so much that the characters behind it get a bit lost in the process. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I wanted to try my hand at writing the misunderstandings without making either of them at fault.

(Insert rant about how the whole point of soulmates is that this person is a match for you, so even if you fundamentally are not good for each other you still get where the other person is coming from. There's so much more angst potential in not being able to hate someone no matter what they do to hurt you, but I digress.)

But yeah, let the boys heal and be happy! Also this is the closest I've gotten to actually writing romance and that's not saying much XD

Here's the design I drew for Phantom Thief!Danny. Feel free to drop an ask, I'd love to ramble more about this :D

[wingzie]

Speaking to the media as a UK Army

Earlier in the week I mentioned in a local group chat that the UK’s attitude towards BTS and KPOP overall had changed. It felt like everyone was excited during Dynamite and then interest was quickly lost. Things got worse after the Festa Dinner. Because of previous experiences with a certain boy group, it was reported that the members would never return. These stories were soon edited, but it was obvious that there was a certain bias against the members now. The previous hype posts for them and their new releases were less present. Instead, we have gone back to having to do everything ourselves during chapter 2. 

As I am sure many of you are aware, it has already been a tough week for UK Army. We found out that MUSE had inclusions, making it harder to chart. We got backlash from solos for something that wasn’t our fault and the emails we sent were ignored or received weird responses. We are a resilient bunch though and we continued to promote and gain more funds. I figured that things for us couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong. On Sunday I was sent an article from the BBC by a friend. They asked my thoughts on it and I quickly understood why. Something else worried me though. I recognized the journalist. He is someone that we have history with. He kindly wrote about Persona and Wembley in 2019, but he also sneaked in a line that he thought that the members were miming through the concert. At the time, a few Army tried talking to him about it on Twitter and he was receptive to the feedback. I decided to try and do the same and to do it privately in the DM’s. Something which he told me himself that he appreciated. I spent a good amount of time drafting my message. I made sure that it was polite, but also included the reasons why a certain part of the article was troublesome. During this, a friend of mine also made a detailed thread correcting the misinformation. Once the message was sent, I went on with my day and waited to see if I would get a reply. Much to my surprise, I did indeed get a reply. I don’t have consent to share our messages, but we replied back and forth a few times and he said that he would look into changing the wording. I quoted my friend's thread, explaining that I messaged him privately and that he was working on it. As someone who posts about Jikook on a regular basis, you could say that I am used to getting unnecessary abuse. However, I was not fully prepared for the response to this. As more hours passed and there weren't any changes made, the more anger and hate I received. This greatly confused me, as I wasn’t the one who wrote the article itself. I just wanted to try and help and we had to be patient. 

A day later the edit was made. I messaged the journalist again to thank him and he responded back, explaining that the reason it took so long was because there was a debate internally about the best way to respond. I then shared on TL about the edit being made. It wasn’t the best edit, but that’s all we got. Unfortunately, the hate towards myself increased even more. Some said that the article was my fault, that I failed BTS or that I was an anti. Plus a few words that I daren’t repeat here. Some saw what was happening to me and sent kind support. These included people who I have never interacted with before and I will be forever thankful for that. I also spoke with some about the response of the general public towards the article. The article was heavily advertised so there were discussions in relation to Seventeen going to Glastonbury. This hasn’t been done before so some were curious and some were confused. It was interesting to see the reaction to it, even if it was poorly written. I was personally exhausted though.

This whole ordeal started on Sunday and I woke up on Tuesday still feeling a bit wary of receiving more hate. On top of this, I had gained around 300 more followers from all of this and didn’t know how they would react once I started posting Jikook. If I’m honest, I felt a bit uncomfortable with everything going on. What did shock me though, is that some of these new followers were going through my “pinned” post and liking the threads on Jikook. It made me a bit self-conscious, but I didn’t want it to overcome me and Jimin’s promotions though, so I came up with an idea. 

July is my Birthday month and to celebrate I am doing a giveaway for other UK Army. This gives them a chance to get any albums they currently do not own and to try and boost sales for Jimin at the same time. The UK fanbase don’t really want to be associated with me because of my account, so I decided to do everything myself. To help boost morale, positivity and the community spirit that Army has. Overall, I do not regret reaching out to the journalist. He was rather difficult to speak to, but an edit deserved to be made for the way in which it was written. I appreciate the discussion we had and those that supported me. My focus will continue to be on Chapter 2. Look after yourselves and each other. 

[jewishdragon]

How to Cure* Yourself of Being a Picky Eater**

by JewishDragon

Step 1: Be me, a same foods picky eater autistic.

Step 2: Have a family member (who doesnt live nearby) be an enthusiastic chef. Loves to cook for people and experiment with cooking. Just throws shit together.

Step 3: Go 2 decades being wary of visiting this relative because you're an extremely picky eater and feel very ashamed when you stay at this relative's house.

Step 4: Get your first summer internship away from home and get housed by this family member who lives 10min from the internship

Step 5: Make a silent vow to Get A Good Grade In house Guest (a very reasonable thing to desire), since you are staying rent free. The vow includes

Clean the dishes after dinner without being prompted

Empty the dish washer without being prompted

Do your own laundry

Pick up after yourself and take out the trash before trash day!

TASTE, HAVE JUST ONE BITE, OF EVERYTHING THIS RELATIVE COOKS

Step 6: have a 3 month summer internship become several years as you get a full time job (and then START YOUR PHD) in the same town. While you now pay a smidge of rent, THE VOW CONTINUES

Step 7: Profit

(Expand your pallet, Discover what flavor profiles/textures you like and dislike with more nuance than ever before. Be able to go out to eat with friends and family without the anxiety over wondering if you'll be able to eat, or have to order from the kids menu as a 20+ year old. But overall, most importantly, it becomes easier to try a new food)

*JewishDragon does not guarantee any part of this method, this method will not work for most people for many reasons.

**This post is made in good humor. I am not claiming picky eating is something to BE cured. I am just telling the story of my journey of being a picky eater. I am still not an adventurous eater. For example: It took me 6 years from my first making the vow before i was brave enough to try a small drop of ranch/caesar style dressing on a single piece of lettuce. (I REALLY wanted to get a good grade in house guest at a weekly nerd gathering!) (also texture is a HUGE issue for me that i cannot expect to ever be "cured".)

(I also am a huge samefoods autistic, i can eat the same thing for two weeks and the only reason I would switch to something else for the next week or so is I ran out of the Thing)

[bambikisss]

Better : C.San

The ask:

'Hi there! I absolutely LOVED your San fic you just posted so i wanted to know if i could request this for maybe a part2 where you and San have been together for awhile and he maybe wants to propose to you at some point in the fic but then he starts to get kinda busy with work and y/n starts to get sad and annoyed so San decides to do more for her. Sorry if this isnt super clear i just was wondering if the fic could include some of these things if you choose to write it. I LOVE your work btw.'

💕: CEO! Choi San (Bambi's BF ver.) x reader

Part 2 to MY GIRL

📙: To say San was head over heels for you was a complete understatement, doing whatever he could for you as he was so in love with you. However, with a new product launch coming up, it seemed that San's attention was no longer on you, making you become desperate for any moment with him without knowing that San felt the same way

⚠: Unprotected Sex (always wrap it up), Blonde buff San, Manhandling, biting, lots of teasing, phone sex, sex in a car, cum eating, rough + dom San, use of nicknames (San calls reader baby, my baby, slut, whore), more gentleman San, oral (f receiving), pussy drunk San, slight choking

Bambi's Notes: Welcome to part 2! I'm so happy with how this turned out. There is an overuse of the nickname 'honey' though, which I think is cute. B/N = Best Friend Name.

TAGLIST: @frobin4ever @idfkeddieishot @unlikelysublimekryptonite @itsvxlentine @dinossaurz @yunhwalala @nopension @atzz8 @jennylychee @certifiedmoa

@wisejudgedragonhairdo

COMMENTS + REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED AND ENCOURAGED | ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY | buy me a coffee?

You were a fairly reasonable woman. But, this was the last straw.

You sat in your office, staring at your screen in utter disbelief at your calendar. Yes, it was full of meetings among other work things, but your eyes were laser-focused on the event in pink that you had been looking forward to all day.

Lunch Meeting with Choi San: Canceled

"Canceled?" You scoffed in disbelief, crossing your arms over your chest. This would be the third time this week San had canceled your lunches together. You looked forward to those meetings because they gave you time with San uninterrupted to just talk and decompress. That also was your lunch block, so now you had to get lunch now or don't eat till you got home later that night, which would lead you to being grumpy and you had promised yourself you wouldn't get like that anymore, for at least the rest of the week.

"Maybe he's still busy with the product launch preparation? I mean, I know that the financial department have been having constant meetings with him over some problem," your best friend spoke up from her chair in front of your desk, picking at her already chipped dark red nails. You scoffed at her words too, narrowing your eyes at the calendar as if he would be able to sense your annoyance with his choice to cancel lunch.

The company had a new product to launch and everyone was focused on a successful launch, including San: everyone had that man in meetings up to his neck all day long, keeping him from you until he returned home later that evening, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to eat dinner and then sleep. While you understood that he was the CEO and that meant he had lots of responsibilities on him, you were still his girlfriend and had needs too.

"Y/N, don't" Your best friend pleaded as you stood up from your chair, gathering your things to make your way to the elevator to talk to San. You ignored her, offering her a kind smile before the elevator doors closed, taking you up to the top floor where San's office was. You checked your outfit of a light blue button-up shirt that had a few buttons opened, tight navy blue pants that hugged you perfectly, and matching dark blue heels. You felt good.

The doors opened to show San on the phone, his back to you as he flipped through one of the multiple files he had sitting on his desk. You took a deep breath of the smooth, burning wood scent that filled his office, letting you know that he had lit the candle you had bought him at some point that morning. Your eyes roamed his hunched-over figure of his broad shoulders, strong arms, and jaw, his sharp eyes scanning the page as his office phone sat snug against his shoulder, listening to whoever was on the other side. He wore one of his dark blue button-up shirts, his half-hearted attempt at matching with you and offering you some sort of affection from afar, but it wasn't enough.

You took another deep breath before your heel exited the elevator into his office, your heel clicking against the floor as you made your way over to his desk. San looked up at the sound of your heels, his eyes moving up your body to meet your face as he continued to listen to the man from finance. He already knew why you were in his office, biting his lip before he put himself on mute, the other man still droning on the phone without noticing.

"San, why did you cancel lunch?" You asked, choosing to get straight to the point as San sat up, running his hands through his blonde hair, sighing softly. "I have far too much work to do here to go out for lunch. We can have lunch together, baby, but we'd have to order and you'd have to sit on the couch by yourself while I work and I don't think you'd like that"

He was right, you would hate that.

Your eyes moved to the large stack of files that sat on his desk once more that seemed to taunt you: they had all of your man's attention and all they had to do was be folders with some kind of information in them. It made no sense to be jealous of some folders, but you sadly were.

You were snapped out of your jealousy by San's hand meeting yours, offering you a gentle smile as he tried to hide his laugh. "Honey, you can have all of my attention when I return home tonight, ok? There's no reason for you to be jealous and glaring at my folders from the sales and financial department" he chuckled, making you pout. You didn't want to wait until tonight for his attention. He didn't understand.

However, your conversation with him was cut off before you could respond, San picking up the phone to unmute himself to respond to whatever the finance guy said. You only rolled your eyes, exiting his office while he furrowed his eyebrows.

Deep down, San did feel guilty for not being able to give you his 100 percent attention lately due to work, but he had no choice. He watched as the elevator doors closed, leaving him alone in his office with your perfume still lingering around him. "Mr. Choi, are you still there?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm still here" San sighed, turning back to his folders with a small grimace. "I'm still here. Continue."

______________________________________________________________

"No, it's not like that B/N"

"Oh really, then how do you really feel about San working so hard?" You bit your lip, stopping your application of your face mask at your best friend's words. You had called her while doing your skincare to try and get your mind off of things with San, but that was the first thing she brought up. You stared into your vanity mirror, trying to figure out how you wanted to phrase your words before you said "I can understand why he's been so distant, he's been busy at work all day."

"But it doesn't give him the right to not give you any attention when you come home, Y/N." True.

You had finished your skin care by the time San arrived home, Star's barking telling you that he was home from the office. You took a deep breath before you thought back to what your friend had suggested that you try:

'When San comes home tonight, ignore him. Let him feel like how he's made you feel these past few weeks.'

You took another deep breath as San climbed up the stairs, his heavy footsteps making your heart rate speed up.

You didn't turn to him as he entered the room, looking at him through the vanity mirror as he put his jacket away; his shoulders seemed heavier than usual, his voice deep as well.

San didn't want to outright tell you about how stressful that day was to him due to how you left his office: after you left, he had nothing but back-to-back phone calls with people and felt like he was surrounded by incompetent people. All he wanted to do was come back home to you and just relax. Heck, if he really wanted to, he'd tell everyone in the office tomorrow that you and him were out for the day.

"Hi, honey" San mumbled, leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek before he went to go strip, getting ready for a shower. You didn't respond to him, instead going on your phone. San noticed your silence, making him raise an eyebrow and stop unbuttoning his shirt. His eyes moved down your body to admire your white silk night dress that stopped at the tops of your thighs. It was one of his favorites on you. "Honey?" he repeated, hoping for a response but when he didn't get one, he felt his annoyance from earlier wash over him.

Now you were ignoring him? Why was no one listening to him today?

You didn't react to the sound of San's footsteps approaching you, but you did jump when San ripped your phone from your hand, placing it onto the dresser behind him before he returned to stand behind you, placing his hands onto the vanity table on either side of you. You took the opportunity to look back up in the mirror, meeting San's darkened gaze. His eyes were dark, an evil-like smirk gracing his lips as one of his hands slowly slid from the vanity to your arm, leaving goosebumps behind.

"Oh, so now you notice me honey? What, I have to touch you now in order for you to look at me?"

"Yes." Your bratty word slipped out of your mouth without thinking, your words making San chuckle.

Maybe you would get San's attention tonight.

"I have to use your body like you're some kind of slut in order for you to even listen to me?" San's voice had now become a mixture of a growl and a deep chuckle, his hands moving to your arms to pick you up out of your vanity chair, making you stand up. He then kicked away the chair as he met your eyes. His eyes were dark, demanding of you.

At your lack of response, San's hands moved slowly up your arms to your shoulders, then to the back of your neck, where he gripped it roughly. You gasped as he pulled you roughly so that your lips were hovering right over his, your nose bumping against one another as San kept his rough grip on you. He would chuckle, though, anytime you tried to lean forward from his hold to have your lips meet, but San would always pull back before you could. He licked his lips slowly, making a show out of it before he whispered against your lips "I wanna use you tonight, Honey. Will you let me use your body tonight, honey?"

You nodded, almost like you were in a trance at his words. You had completely abandoned your plan at this point, ready to do whatever he wanted. San chuckled at your new attitude, planting a sweet yet short kiss onto your lips before his hand moved from the back of your neck into your hair, grabbing a fistful of it.

"Good. What's the safeword?" He whispered, his lips returning to hover over yours as he began to turn you both around, your back now to the bed as his free hand moved to cup your cheek sweetly. "Honey" you responded, earning yourself a nod before his lips met yours in a demanding manner making you moan. San's tongue moved immediately to meet yours, pushing into your mouth before he picked you up by your thighs, tossing your body onto the bed. You gripped the bed sheets as your body bounced, San figure now standing at the foot of the bed with a smirk on his lips. He gently licked his lips as he took off his belt, his eyes still drilling into yours as he spoke. "You know, a slut like you deserves the finer things in life, no? You're acting out like this because you're needy, huh?"

You nodded, submission filling your eyes as San softly cooed at you, placing his knees on the bed as he unbuttoned his pants, allowing you to see the top of his boxers. He placed his hands onto your ankles, roughly pulling you to meet his body, now kneeling in between your legs he looks down at you. He slowly dragged his hands up your body, pushing up the fabric of your sleep dress up with his hands as his lips followed. He ignored your cries as he nipped and kissed at your stomach, taking his time with you before he sat up once more, unbuttoning his shirt as you sat up as well, removing your dress.

San had to take a moment to admire you, his mouth watering at the bare sight of your body. San always had to take a moment to just look you over, despite the fact that he was to use you tonight. He leaned over to place a gentle kiss onto your lips, letting you see a glimpse of your boyfriend before he slipped back into his feelings, his hands moving to roughly push you back onto the bed. He kissed down your body, grabbing your legs to place them onto his shoulders as he so. He made sure to lock them in his forearms before he looked up at you, his voice coming out huskily "Stay still, slut. Grip the bed, grip the headboard, I don't care. You take this pussy from my mouth and I'm going to make you cry tonight."

You bit your lip at his words, your mind thinking of all the ways he could make you cry from pleasure. Your thoughts are ripped from you as his tongue moves up your wet slit, curling the tip of his tongue right underneath your clit before he moved back to your slit, taking his time in tasting you. You found yourself gripping the sheets, growing upset by his little kitten licks: this was the first time you were having him in so long, and you couldn't handle the idea of waiting for anything.

"San come on-" You moved your hips up, hoping for San to get the hint. However, your hands had to immediately hold onto the bed sheets as San growled, pulling you roughly by your ass to his lips, his whole mouth working on your pussy in a way that made your back arch and made you cry out. You closed your eyes as your hips tried to roll against his face, making San move his hand from your ass to your stomach, pressing you down harshly against the bed as his tongue and lips moved faster around your cunt. "Stay still, slut, what did I say?" San asked, his words vibrating against your pussy as he continued to eat you.

You didn't even try to apologize, feeling your orgasm approaching quickly due to San talking dirty into your pussy and the way his mouth was moving on you. You felt your body begin to heat up, moaning his name louder as you felt yourself begin to cum all over his face. Your grip on the sheets as grown so tight that the fitted sheet was no longer on the mattress, San's mouth movements not stopping as you tried to move away from his lips. San only chuckled, pressing your body down more into the mattress as he sat up, letting you see your cum and juices move down his mouth and neck as he licked his lips. His fingers gently dragged up your thighs before two entered you smoothly, his lips curling into a smirk at how tight your walls got around his fingers.

Your hand moved from the sheets to grab his shoulders, begging for him to slow down his fingers as you were about to cum again, only making him move faster. "Don't act like you don't wanna cum again, and again slut. I didn't realize how much of a slut my baby was, out here disobeying me knowing damn well what I said I'd do if you did. And what did you do?" 

You couldn't respond as your orgasm rushed over you, making you moan loudly, San allowing your legs to close around his fingers. He smirked softly at the sight, waiting till you came back around before he slowly slipped his fingers from inside of you, placing the fingers into his mouth, moaning at your taste. You moaned at the sight, your arousal leaking from inside you.

San moved to stand up from the bed, pushing off his pants as you sat up, wanting to watch every movement: the way his thigh muscles tensed every time he lifted his legs from the tight dress pants, the way his cock sprung up against his abs, a long stripe of pre-cum already leaking from the top. You bit your lip as he turned to face you, running his hand through his hair before he grabbed your body, picking you up from the bed before he dropped you on your stomach, his hands moving to grab your hips and pull you to the edge of the bed, your legs hanging off the end while your upper body was still on the bed, gripping the last of the sheets that were on the bed.

"Spread your legs for me, slut. Show me where you want my cock to go" San demanded, his hand moving along his cock as he watched you spread your legs, placing them onto the bed to give him a proper view of your pussy. You bit your lip at the silence and lack of movement from San, about to complain about it when you felt a glob of his spit meet and slowly move down your pussy, making you moan loudly. "There. You should be wet enough for me" Was the only warning San gave to his lover before he roughly pushed into you, his hips instantly meeting your ass. San kept up his rough pace, his hands slapping and grabbing at the flesh of your ass as you continued to moan loudly. Times like this made you glad that you and San didn't have any close neighbors who would've complained.

"That's it, take this cock like the slut you are" San growled, his eyes trained on how your ass bounced back against his movements and your moans until his eyes are drawn to the vanity mirror. San smirked as he pulled out, pushing your body so that you fell onto the bed before he turned you to face the mirror with him behind you, his hands gripping your hips to raise your knees. "Stay on your knees and look into the mirror" He whispered into your ear before moving to stand behind you, giving you a full view of San; his messed up blonde hair, sweat moving down San's face and chest- to you, San looked absolutely hot.

Your head sadly lost the vision of San though as his hips pounded into your suddenly, picking up the pace he had set before, making you drop your head to moan into the mattress. "God, I knew a whore like you couldn't follow simple instructions" San moaned, his hands moving to the front of your throat, forcing you to look up into the mirror as he pounded into you from behind. He smirked, placing his face right against yours as he felt his orgasm approaching fast. "Look at us, look at how perfect we look. Look at you following my instructions now, all it took was me holding onto you" He moaned as he applied pressure to your throat, your pussy clenching around him as you moaned as well.

San soon dropped his head into your shoulder, biting down on the skin before he came, his hips slowing down as his cum filled you and covered your pussy, the feeling pushing you over the edge too. You moaned as he kissed your shoulder, his hands rubbing at your body as you both came down from cloud nine.

"Honey" he whispered against your shoulder, meeting your eyes in the mirror as you gently rested against him and the bed. When you finally seemed to be able to hold a thought, San offered you a sweet smile before pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. He gently laid you down onto the bed, turning on the shower before he returned to you, gently picking you up to bring you to the warming water. He held you against him as you both let the water run over each other for a moment, just holding each other.

"I missed you" you whispered to San as he began to wash your hair, taking care to massage your scalp. "I know, baby, I missed you too." San knew what you meant: that you missed having him there with you present in the moment and not just as a body. That's how San knew you both loved each other; you both could tell when the other was there as a body, or as your lover.

After you both finished washing each other off, San helped you get dressed before leading you to the living room, having you sit down on the couch as he went to wash the sheets and put new ones on the bed. You sat in silence once he left you, relishing in the moment before you laid down on the couch, looking at the picture of you and San you had taken during your anniversary: San had his arms around you, a bright smile on his face as you held the camera taking the picture with a beautiful sunset adding lightning to the moment. You looked so happy in that moment, so carefree. You hoped to one day take another trip with San and capture another moment like that in a picture, so that you could remember this time in your relationship without the memories of San being so tired from work.

"Falling asleep without me down here?" You sat up as San approached you with a tired smile, his hands moving to hold yours to help you up from the couch. You accepted his help before you shook your head. "No, I was just looking at the picture we took during our anniversary trip"

San eye's moved to the picture, a brighter smile moving across his lips at the sight. He loved that moment and how happy you both seemed. "One day soon, my baby," he turned to you, cupping your cheeks with his hand before placing a small kiss on your lips. "I'll take you back there and we'll relax like we both deserve."

"Promise?" You asked, wrapping your arms around his waist as he did the same to you, walking with you up the stairs with Star following behind happily. He nods, laying down next to you in the bed before he wrapped his arms around you, turning off the lamp.

"I promise, my honey. Now, let's sleep."

__________________________________________________________

"He's off-site, today. That's why we're not doing lunch."

You replied to B/N, who looked at you with furrowed brows. She couldn't believe how relaxed you now seemed about San's work schedule, making you laugh. Somehow, last night's actions helped ease your annoyances, plus the promise of a trip alone with him soon helped.

You shooed your friend from your office as your phone rang, waiting till she closed the door behind her before you answered your phone without looking at who was calling you. "Hello?"

"Honey," you paused at San's voice which sounded pained. You sat up in your chair about to ask if he was hurt when you heard a wet sound along with a stifled groan come from him, letting you know what he needed. "San, are you-"

"Fuck yes I am," he breathlessly replied, his hand moving along his cock faster at the sound of your voice, making him lean back in his car's backseat. "I was out at the launch event and I stumbled across an old sexy picture you had sent me awhile back and now I can't get you out of my mind."

You were in shock by his words, your silence making San groan out "please fucking say something honey, anything."

You bit your lip as you stood up, locking your office door before you sat back down at your desk, slipping your hands into your pants, cursing softly as you dragged your fingers along the wet spot growing on your panties. San moaned at the sound of you, his hand moving along his cock faster. "Are you touching yourself, honey? Are you in your office, leaning back against your chair with your hand down your pants playing with your pretty pussy?"

You moaned again in response, your hands moving to frantically push down your pants so that you could freely rub circles on your aching clit. San did the same thing, pushing down his pants fully so that he spread his legs more, jerking his cock more as he continued talking. "God, I couldn't stop thinking about your pretty pussy, baby. I was going to sit at the event and hope it went away, but all I could picture doing was fucking you on the table while everyone watches how I fuck my girl"

"Fuck, Sannie" You moaned his name, making him moan louder, his cock twitching in his hand at the sound of your voice and you using his nickname. San practicality fucked his fist, tossing his head back as he felt his orgasm approaching. You bit your lip, moving your fingers faster against your clit at the sounds of San that were coming from the other end of the phone.

"I'm gonna cum, Y/N. I'm gonna cum and then when you get home tonight I'm gonna fuck you till you cannot walk. I'm gonna use your pussy again, just like how I did last night all over our house till every surface reminds me of where we fucked at whenever I look at it" San's words made you cum, closing your legs around your hand as you began to shake and moan his name, San's loud moan filling your ears and your office as he came all over his hand, thighs, and abs. You both took a moment to calm down, San speaking up first. "If you can manage to walk right now, I have some wet wipes you can clean yourself up with in my office. I bought the brand you like, too."

You could basically feel San's touch on you as you went up to his office, smiling at your feeling of afterglow. When you found the wet wipes, you paused when you saw a pair of airline ticket receipts in the drawer. You tilted your head, picking them up.

"Two first class airline tickets to Bali?" You flipped through the other papers, various receipts for excursions to do in Bali showing up. You bit your lip as you placed the papers back, grabbing the wet wipes before making your way out of your boyfriend's office. Your mind kept thinking back to those receipts for the rest of the day, trying to figure out what they were for.

San didn't like taking trips with people from work often, so it may not be for work. You and him had been once before, but it was for your anniversary and it had to be cut short due to the company wanting to launch the product.

You clung to the last thought being the truth as you pulled into the driveway behind San's car. You didn't want to get your hopes on something that wasn't confirmed to be for you, but you couldn't help but be in a better mood as you opened the front door. Your good mood was only increased when the smell of steak and other foods filled your senses. You entered the house to see many heart balloons around the kitchen table, a candle lit in the middle, and your boyfriend placing the steak you smelled onto the dinner table.

"Oh, San, what is this?" You asked as you placed your purse down, San only chuckling in response before he stopped you from taking off your heels, getting onto his knees to do it for you. He gently removed them from your feet before he led you to the romantic dinner setup he had made. He pulled out a chair for you, sitting down next to you with a proud smile on his face as you gushed about how nice the setup was.

"I'm glad you like it, honey. I did it for you" You smiled at San's words, before turning to him as he gently held your hand, placing it onto his lap as you both faced each other. He looked at you with so much love and regret in his eyes, his free hand moving to sit on your thigh. "Y/N, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for not giving you the proper attention you needed during the company's product launch. I was distracted and should've understood your needs too." San cut off your words as he moved to his knees in front of you, kissing your hand once more before he said "I'm sorry, honey. Can you forgive me? I promise it won't happen again." You bit your lips at San's words, placing a soft kiss on his lips before you said "I accept your apology, Sannie."

You smiled as San sprung up from his knees to sit back in his chair, pouring you a glass of wine as you began to taste some of the food San had cooked. You had forgotten all about the tickets until San said "I've already approved our time off for next week, so don't worry about having to send that out."

"Time off for next week? I didn't ask for next week off," You said, taking a sip of your wine as San smiled at you. Your mind flashed back to the ticket receipts you had seen before you blurted out "wait, we're going to Bali again?" San blinked at your question before he chuckled, nodding as you moved to sit on his lap. "Ah, so you did see the receipts I planted in that drawer. I was beginning to think I hid them too well." It was your turn to blink at his words, asking him what he meant. "I 'hid' them under the wet wipes for you to see. We're going back to Bali to make up for our anniversary being interrupted, honey."

You smiled brightly at his words, meeting him in a loving kiss as he gently rubbed your back. You didn't even care how long he had it planned for, you were just excited he kept his promise.

_________________________________________________________

"You know, Honey, I could've made the same dish at home, right?"

You laughed at San's words as you both left the restaurant, his pout prominent on your lips as you talked about how good the pasta was throughout the end of dinner. You turned to him, your yellow sundress blowing in the wind as you stood in front of your boyfriend who wore a simple black button-up and matching pants. He had dyed his hair back to black, due to your request. You cupped his cheeks as he wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you to him as you tried to kiss away the pout on his lips. Only after the 17th kiss did San finally smile, his lips meeting yours in a loving kiss before he said "Okay, let's hurry up so that we can go on that beach walk in the sunset, like you wanted to."

You clapped happily as you turned to step onto the sand, only for San to stop you. He sunk to his knees in the sand, his hands skillfully removing your heels before he stood up, offering you one of his charming smiles as he held your heels in one hand and your hand in the other. "Shall we?"

You nodded, stepping down onto the cool sand as the two of you walked along the beach, the sunset adding to the romantic atmosphere. Suddenly, San stopped walking to stand in front of you with a loving smile on his lips. He looked at you like you were the love of his life, which you were. "San, what are you doing," You asked as he began to walk backward, not answering you as you both rounded a corner to see a little picnic on the beach. You gasped, asking San if he did it. His smirk only grew at your question, leading you to the setup.

There were pillows placed onto a large white picnic mat, small tea candles surrounded the setup along with heart balloons and a small charcuterie board of snacks and candy. You could tell San was proud of himself as he sat down next to you, answering all your questions with a huge smile on his face. Your own smile grew at his, rushing into his arms to hug and kiss around his face. He gladly accepted it before he cupped your face, bringing you into a long, loving kiss. San didn't let you leave his embrace as he kissed you, mumbling against your lips how much he loved you whenever you broke away to catch your breath before he brought you back into the kiss.

You could swear that you and San kissed for a while before he finally pulled back fully. San then gently held your hand, placing another kiss to it before he moved the two of you to stand.

"Y/N L/N. There will never be another woman like you: you're smart, funny, and outright gorgeous. I cannot think of anyone else who I'd rather be with and who I'd rather give my heart to. Unknown to you, all those nights I spent out weren't always for work," he paused to reach into his pocket, grabbing a beautiful velvet ring box before he slowly sank to one knee, meeting your eyes with his own that were full of love and care. He then opened the ring box, showing you a beautiful engagement ring. Your eyes widened at the sight before San continued, tearing up slightly.

"Y/N, my love, will you marry me?"

You nodded, covering your mouth as your tears left your eyes. San smiled happily, placing the ring onto your finger before he sprung up to pick you up, spinning around with you in his arms as you both cheered. He jumped up and down (eventually slipping in the sand) happy to have you forever. You, on the other hand, recorded him while he jumped (and slipped), laughing happily before meeting him in a sweet kiss, then taking a selfie with him as you both lay in the sand.

After you both enjoyed the moment, San picked you up, promising more fun in the private villa. You allowed him to carry you bridal style to the villa, which wasn't far as it was on the beach, giving you a beautiful view of the sunset and water as San placed you down onto the bed. You closed your eyes as San kissed down your body, whispering praise among other things before he sunk to his knees, kissing and biting the inside of your thighs before he met your eyes.

"Spread your legs for me, honey," you did as you were told, spreading your legs for your fiancé, allowing him to immediately lick up your panty-covered slit. He moaned, repeating the action a few more times before he finally pulled off the ruined fabric, looking up at you as your hand moved to cup his face, your thumb moving along his bottom lip. "Lay back and relax, honey. Let your fiancé take care of you tonight, yeah?" San's words came out slurred as if he was drunk off of just licking your panties. You obliged, laying back on the bed as San's tongue dragged its way up your thigh to your wet cunt.

To San, eating your pussy was his number one job; he wanted to be so fucking good at it that you begged him to never stop. He loved watching your back arch and he loved the feeling of your legs closing around his head, the thought making his cock twitch in his pants. He dragged his tongue from the bottom of your pussy to the top, moaning at your taste before his tongue dove into you, making you both moan loudly. Your hands rushed into San's hair as his tongue and lips catered to your pussy, San's eyes even rolling back and closing at your taste. San felt truly like he was in a trance when it came to your taste, his mind short-circuiting every time your hips would move against his face, begging for more.

Your legs began to shudder closed around San's face, only making him growl as he crawled up the bed to keep his mouth attached to your pussy, making you scream his name. He moved his hands to press down on your chest as he focused on eating you out, keeping you still on the bed as he focused on tasting you and driving you to your edge. You dug your nails into his shoulder as you came, both of your moans mixing together as he cleaned you up with his tongue.

"I fucking love you, Honey" he whispered desperately, kissing up your body as your hands moved to try and remove all of his clothes. He helped you, his eyes still focused on you. Once he was bare, he rested his warm body on top of yours, kissing you deeply so that you could taste yourself on his tongue, making you moan. "Taste how good that was, honey? Do you see why I'm so addicted to you?" San seemed to be truly in a daze, leaning down to kiss and lick at the tops of your breasts before he pulled the cups down, his lips instantly circling around a nipple. You moaned softly at the feeling, wrapping your legs around his waist as he switched nipples before pulling back, playing with your breasts in his hands before he slowly pushed into you, meeting your eyes as he did so. San bit his bottom lip as we watched you moan out his name, the pleasure filling your face when he finally fully filled you up.

"Honey, my honey" he breathed out, shoving his head into your neck as he began to set a slow, yet sweet pace with his hips. You sighed at the feeling, your hands rubbing his back as he placed kisses on your neck. You gently moaned out for him to go faster, but San only shook his head in your neck, whispering that he wanted to take his time with you. As much as you loved that idea, though, you wanted him to go faster.

San gasped when you pushed on his shoulder, allowing you to move both of your positions so that you were on top. You looked down at him as you began to ride him, your hips spelling out various things, making him moan loudly. When you spelled out his name, San came out of his trance, planting feet onto the bed so that his hips thrust up into you, meeting your bounces, making you both moan louder. "Fuck, Y/N, that's it, ride this cock, your cock" San shuddered, as he let his legs rest against the bed, allowing you to move faster. San didn't know what to grab onto, deciding to have one hand on your ass and the other one around your throat, helping you ride him faster.

"Want me to apply some pressure, honey? Want me to choke you?" San asked through his moans and groans, smirking when you nodded. He applied pressure to your throat, your nails then dragging down his chest as you felt his cock twitch inside of you at the sight in front of him. San suddenly flipped the two of you over once more so that you were on your back and he was on top, his pace becoming erratic as he smashed his lips into yours, meeting you in a deep kiss as you both moaned and cursed against each other's lips.

"Cuming, Sannie, I'm cumming" you moaned loudly, San rushing to let go of your neck, choosing to intertwine your hands with his as his lips picked up in pace, his cock hitting your spot perfectly. San nodded against your forehead, moaning out that he was going to cum too. You both met in a loving kiss and you both squeezed each other's hands as if one of your was going to float away, cumming together. San soon cut the kiss to kiss down your body as you laid limp against the bed, gasping when you felt San shove his tongue into your pussy, licking and sucking all of the cum from your pussy before he spat it back onto your pussy, his tongue going back to your pussy. You tried to crawl up the bed from him, his hands roughly gripping your hips before he roughly pulled you back to his mouth.

"Don't interrupt me, honey. I'm just getting started, we're here for a week, remember?" San chuckled darkly against your thigh before his mouth went back to your pussy, making your back arch as he ate your pussy till you fell asleep. The only memory you had left from that night was San cleaning you and then himself up when he finished before placing a soft kiss onto your forehead as your body began to relax into the sheets.

"Sleep well, Honey. I love you."

____________________________________________________________

"Well, well, well, isn't it the future Mrs. Choi, back from her week getaway with her hot CEO fiancé."

You laughed at B/N, waving off her words as she sat down in one of the chairs you had in your office. When you notice her staring at you, you raised an eyebrow before asking what she was waiting for.

"You know I wanna hear all about Bali part 2, even the proposal and whatever led to the matching hickey you and Mr. Choi are sporting at the bottom of your necks." Your eyes widened at her words, your hand rushing to cover it before you sheepishly whispered "that didn't happen during Bali. That happened this morning."

B/N gasped at your words before she laughed as you shooed her out, letting her know that you had to go meet San upstairs. "Why, so that way you guys can continue whatever you two were doing this morning?"

You offered her a playful wink as the elevator doors closed, her squeal being the last thing you heard before the elevator began its ascent to San's office.

"Did you know that our hickey's are visible?" You asked him as you entered his office, your fiancé instantly chuckling at your question. "I had a hunch. I mean, we were pretty cramped in the car this morning, so I guess we bit anywhere we could." You rolled as your cheeks heated up, thinking back to the quickie you and San had this morning in the car.

"Ready for lunch, Mrs. Choi?" San asked, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pressed a kiss to your neck, humming softly. You nodded, intertwining your hand with his as you both walked out of the office into the elevator. "I already made us a reservation at our favorite sushi restaurant, you're welcome by the way."

San chuckled, thanking you with a sweet kiss before whispering against your lips "That's my girl."

BAMBIKISSS | 2024

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Peach..

I miss him so so much.

Can you gush about Jimin ?

Love how you wrote about him.

Thank you so so much in advance.

Whenever you are free. No pressure.

***

Hi @misslauwie

When your ask came in weeks ago, something in my chest squeezed a little. Because god yes I miss him too. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is kinda 'off', like everything is 'wrong', like we're all stuck in a holding pattern of sorts... And for anyone who thinks that's too dramatic, no it's not. Look around you. The world is kinda fucked, and the reason is because Jimin isn't on stage right now seducing the crowd performing like rent is past due, dancing his heart out, and singing like the fallen angel he is.

It's hard for me to talk about him these days though... I mean, there's always so much to say when it comes to Jimin, but the words don't form quite right for me these days.

Is it alright for me to simply post some pictures I come back to when I miss him and jikook?

Assuming I have your permission, that's what this post is going to be about.

(they cuddle)

*

There's this one from his last live before enlisting. Bare-faced, in an all black hoodie and beanie outfit looking hot as hell. It's the way he's giving 'Korean skaterboy who moonlights as a hacker', but at the same time he comes across as responsible, capable, and real. Cute too.

But lol, maybe that's just what I see when I'm biased.

*

Who else gets stuck looking at his eyes?

There's always so much to say about Jimin because literally everything about him could yield its own thesis. From the range and depth in his stage personas; to how pretty his body features are, before they morph into something more... deviant; to his voice that polarizes and entraps every audience. There's so much to talk about when it comes to Jimin, but I keep coming back to his eyes...

*

(This gave you whiplash didn't it :))

He's always known exactly what to do and how to do it.

*

Jimin is giving 70s cult leader in this shot and it's a fave. He's too modest to ever ask, but we all know we'd join a commune for him if he pulled that zipper down a little lower.

Anyway. Does anybody know why he likes this pair of shoes so much? I've always found them a bit ugly, but somehow, he makes it work. And it's clear he likes them a lot since he wears them all the time. But like... why?

*

Another picture I stare at on days when I miss jikook jikooking, is this one.

It's the moon in the shot that does it. The lines and symmetry, the afterglow of the sunset, Jimin's wide curved back, Jungkook focused on him, Jimin focused on him too, the fact someone else saw them like this and took this picture. They could've been chatting about what they'd like to eat for dinner or some other mundane thing, but it's the care and focus they show for each other that comes through so clearly for me in this shot.

*

This one has a place in my gallery because it's peak jikook.

*

As is this one:

*

Anyway.

Down bad for Baby G.

Imagine if PJM2 has a track like Set Me Free Pt 2 + Tony Montana... imagine the cataclysm it will cause in k-pop, imagine the havoc this cutie patootie pie will cause.

*

Sigh.

*

One day, when I find the words, I'll try to write about all the ways he charms. I owe a kind person from Tumblr (KPFT) a post about him.

*

In 2025, he'll be a 30 year old man desperate to get back on stage. And lord, I just hope everyone is ready.

*

This is the last one.

I come back to this picture sometimes because back then, they really did just have eyeliner and a dream. He gave his all right from the start and has created life-changing art. It's endearing to know he's both a bit of a workaholic and can be lazy too... and to know he still sleeps the exact way - like this:

...and this:

..and this:

*

@misslauwie I miss him too. Also miss Jungkook and the rest of the tannies. For Jimin, it makes me very happy that at least, Jungkook is with him.

He'll be back soon. 💜

[tobiospoiltmilk]

I love you, I’m sorry.

—

summary. in which megumi could not handle avoiding you anymore. apologizing to you by letter, given he could not face you in such circumstances. could this also be an accidental confession?

cw(?). sfw, swearing, !megumi x !femreader, mentions of tsumiki, gojo and your !sister, slight angst, fluff, not proofread, terrible capitalization, reminiscing, reciprocal feelings, childhood friends, mutual pining, things not being casual, lyric/title name mentions (i love you, im sorry, casual, kaleidoscope.), basically megumi is so in love with reader his heart hurts and yearns for her

a/n. omg guys i love this so much agdydhdhsj… very first post so i hope this does well! might consider releasing pt. 2 if it does -sob-

Dear Y/n,

It’s me, Megumi. And before you decide to throw this thing out, or whatever it’s supposed to be… hear me out. Please. I know I haven’t been the greatest to you these past weeks. i’ve been a total jerk, and i’m guessing it really wasn’t a secret now, was it? Yeah… whatever, anyways. I guess i’d like to tell you that i’m sorry. I really, truly am… and i know i don’t seem the type to apologize, but i guess when it comes to you, apologies come easy. Because you deserve every damn apology in the world, and if i had one wish given to me, I wouldn’t… hesitate to use it on you. I don’t know what i’d wish for, but i do know that no matter what, it would always regard to you. When it comes to you, I’m selfish, i guess…? Please don’t make fun of me. i’m only trying to make things right. Not that i should have a say in that right now… because I know i’ve hurt you deeply, i don’t deserve your forgiveness nor your kindness, but yet, some part in my heart believes that you’ll forgive me anyway. No matter what shit, twisted way i had caused pain in your precious life.

Remember when we first met? We were both as tiny as we would ever be in our lives— so pure, (not really applying to me.) You were taking one of those daily afternoon naps like usual, and unbeknownst to you, a tiny me would be lounging around in your own family’s estate— with the exception of a loud and rowdy Gojo speaking to your sister, of course. I remember when you finally woke up, and i got to see that glass face of yours for the first time. you were 8, i was 7. Yet you looked so beautiful with that droopy and puffy post-afternoon nap face of yours. We played til’ evening in the courtyard that very same day. It’s not like you forced me to play dolls with you, i actually kind of enjoyed it… only because you were my playmate. i just wish Tsumiki would’ve been there when Gojo first took me in from those dreading streets. Yes, i was a grumpy little toddler with somehow the ability to summon a specific arrangement of creatures, you never questioned anything about it. An 8 year old like you, and a 7 year old like me, should have no reason to know anything about curses or techniques at our age. it was so cruel, and although you were older than me by a year, i still felt the need to protect every fibre and aspect of your existence. An existence i hold very dear to my heart, every damn night.

Remember our middle school days? Yes, where my grumpiness piqued at an all time high, a burning flame that threatened to burst if not carefully dealt with. I was considered a delinquent— no, i was a delinquent. It’s no use trying to defend that title, anyway. I beat up kids left and right, totally abused my gifted strength to terrorize other bullies and jerks who were entitled to popularity. Hey, atleast i only went after the bad people, haha? Nonetheless, you never considered me a bully, or a bad person. That sweet, little mind of yours thought that little 12 year old me could never do anything wrong. Yet you know every action i did proved you so wrong. You watched from afar as i would beat up several kids above grades older than me at once in an old, abandoned baseball field. A small smile on your face, sat prettily on a bench with your friends while happily eating away at your bento your sister made for you every day for school. And during recess, while i was being the usual grumpy jerk that i was, you’d somehow find away to cheer me up. One day, when things got so bad i almost lashed out on Tsumiki, you were there to comfort me. Your small little hands wrapped around my arm, rambling on about how your day went as if being this close of a proximity was casual in anyway. It immediately snapped me out of whatever bullshit show i was about to put on against Tsumiki’s teasing. Part of me hoped—no, wished the way you were with me wasn’t casual, was it casual?—

—You and Tsumiki were the bestest of friends, given you both were the same age. I loved seeing you bond together, even if i never made an effort to show my appreciation. In conclusion… i was never really necessarily a good person in my life, but during the years you were gone— two years, i’ve managed to learn how to calm down the raging fire burning within my heart. i would think about you and Tsumiki when things would get tough. Whether it be controlling my emotions, or when i’m somehow losing a battle against a curse a slight grade level above me. I always won, thoughts filled with the both of you. Minus the injuries. The most important people in my life. Someday i’ll be able to thank you for your help, and in another life, Tsumiki.

Those days you were absent from my life, i spent reminiscing our greatest memories. Not one memory have i forgotten that the two of us shared. And the one that stuck the most in my head, was the one spent at the hospital when we were 9 and 10, waiting outside the comatose room where your dearest sister lay. You were crying into your small little arms, wailing and mourning for your sister’s comfort yet you knew she wouldn’t be available right now. All you wanted was for her to wake up, why wasn’t she waking up? Your 10 year old brain asked yourself. I watched as you wept from the chair beside you, peeking to see those glossy tears falling from those God-gifted eyes of yours from under your wrapped arms, hugging your small frame. My heart ached so much for you, i swear i was going through heart murmurs at that moment. Little 9 year old me had no idea how to comfort someone… because i was never really familiar with comfort to begin with. The only solution that appeared in my young mind… was to share my red bean stuffed panda bun with you. And so that’s exactly what i did. My small, yet experienced hands immediately got to work, reaching into my little side bag to search for the familiar wrapping on mind. Once in my grasp, i carefully tore the packaging, revealing a wonky, yet delicious red bean stuffed panda bun still warm and ready to eat. Yet instead of stuffing it inside my small little stomach in 4 bites, i tore it in half, not the most symmetrical halves, but it still did the job. And with that, i reached out to give a little tap on your bony shoulder, snapping you out of your sobs as you turned to me with puffy, red cheeks stained with raw tears. I proceeded to (nonchalantly) hand you the other half of my red bean stuffed panda bun— I gave you the bigger side, of course. You deserved it more than anything. Oh the butterflies i felt in my jittery stomach when i finally saw that sad face of yours light up in appreciation and excitement. Especially when your precious smile was caused by little ol’ me. It was safe to say, that we both happily indulged in our savoury snack that day. Not to forget, I also remember Gojo taking us out for ice cream the same day. I wasn’t proud that it cheered you up more than my attempt, but as long as you’re happy, i guess.

When I saw you the first time in 2 years at the Sister School Games Event, i swore my heart stopped beating in 3 exact intervals. I saw a kaleidoscope of bursting colours grow within my blurry vision as i tried fathom if it was really you or not, but that radiant aura of yours that you carry was so igniting, i knew i wasn’t mistaken. It was you, you, you, you. Where did you go, and why did you leave me with no closure? I know i have no place to say whether i’m mad at you or not— in fact, i was more mad at myself than i was at you. I was mad at myself for letting you go so easily, without even trying to reach out to you when your clan sent you away to become a sorcerer at Kyoto Jujutsu Tech. Who were you to leave me behind for so long, only to come back happy as ever, like nothing ever happened? Not that i’m… complaining, obviously…— After those 2 years, you had become even stronger than you were before. Stronger than me, in all honesty. It was hard to admit the fact you were a higher grade level than i was at first, but i’m happy for you regardless. I remember those days when i was the one to protect you from mosquitoes and critters hungry for your precious, sweet blood whenever we’d play outside in your courtyard. 7 year old me, and 8 year old you, were practically inseparable. You loved my divine dogs so much, some days i’d think you only hung out with me to chase them around with mud all over your clothes. You always assured me that you ‘loved’ me more though, if that was casual. I don’t know.

Now… back to what i was saying at the start.

I love you, and I’m sorry.

-To my dearest Y/n L/n.

From Megumi Fushiguro.

a/n. LET ME KNOW IF U ENJOYED IT ?? 😔

and once again, i might consider releasing pt.2 of reader responding/reacting to the letter! who knows, maybe you’ll even spill out some confessions… wink wink.

[mcytblrconfessions]

Hi, little hater here from earlier. At no point when writing that out did I think it was misogynistic, but like. Yeah it might have been a little bit. Idk if I would care enough to yap about it if it had been just another guy being added. Maybe I am holding her to higher expectations then I would for a male creator.

I was hoping for other female creators to get in, and maybe since she was the final person announced in the 6 we expected I'm salty cause she 'took' the hypothetical slot that other creators I was hoping for for lifesteal. And that's stupid, and looking back I know that that's stupid. And that's not on Kab, that's on Lifesteal for adding 6 guys and 1 girl, and that's on me for bitching about it in a public place.

I've been watching her for a while now, and I really do want her to succeed. I think some of my hesitancy for her in Lifesteal is the sort of lack of commitment to real storybeats that we saw in the final stretch of s5, and Kab deserves to be in better stories. She's at the top of the artform of mcrp, and so far Lifesteal has not been. I want Lifesteal to do better, and maybe Kab can bring some of that to the server, but like unless they can reach that level idk if its the right place for her. I just don't want to see her on a server that refused to meet the energy level she brings to things.

Idk man. I'm not that pressed about it, just between seasons is the time to yap cause theres no streams to watch to focus on instead, by july 7th I'll be hyped to see her there. I'm sorry about that prior ask. I will be paying Kaboodle the unfair hater tax in the form of a gifted twitch sub tonight.

first off, thank you for the apology.

i dont have any real bias for lifesteal or kaboodle. i started watching lifesteal this week and im not familiar with kaboodle at all. and the reason ive stayed away from pvp focused mcrp is because it's so heavily male dominated especially lifesteal, ive been making jokes that there's a secret no girls allowed rule since ive heard abt it.

this fandom has a long history of not treating women well and when a woman is a fan-favorite she's really only allowed to be 1 of 3 things, a fighter, a girl-boss, or ur soggy poor wet little meow meow. its just not fair to creators to be essentialized and treated as support for their male peers. made to fit into men's stories instead of getting recognized and respected for their own. and smps themselves have horrible ratios, my favorite is hermitcraft but 5(4?) out of 27 is less then 20 percent! that's terrible! there's so many wonderful women ccs out there yet so little space is made for them. 2(3? idk squiddo's gender) out of 31 is the ratio for lifesteal 6. i dont need to point out how bad that is.

so to get an ask with "I just don't think that the vibes are going to be right with her there" put me really on edge. it's putting the fault on her, and it's ignoring that there was a group of lifestealers who already agreed that she was a good fit because she's on the smp! she's on the team! the difference between "the vibes arent going to be right with her there" and "they can't reach her level" is huge. but you know lifesteal better then me. if you say they cant match her energy i believe you! but if it's true, her and lifesteal dont work out because she did put her all in and they didnt that is still completely different from the thesis of your original ask

ive turned off the reblogs of the other post but i hope moving forward we can be more critical and careful with how we treat our women creators. there's already so little space for them in creator spaces let's not push them out of community spaces too.