#The other students have been so supportive too and I'm extremely grateful to them

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Silver Vanrouge - Room Relaxation Voice Lines

I've somehow completed my History of Magic homework. Now, all I have to do is make it through tomorrow's classes.........

Summon: I am ever grateful for this day that allowed me to meet someone precious to me. Also, in response to everyone else's well wishes, I will do my best to give it my all.

Groovification: I should take better care of my appearance, huh... I will take everyone's advice to heart.

Home: I feel even sleepier when I wear my pyjamas.

Swap Looks: I feel as though I may fall back asleep...

Home Transition 1: Ever since I started school here, I've tried to comb out my hair whenever the bedhead was a little too disastrous. From what I hear from others, I still am not doing enough.

Home Transition 2: The toothpaste that I received as a birthday gift from Trey-senpai leaves a rather refreshing sensation i my mouth. It could be useful in keeping me awake...

Home Transition 3: According to my classmates, I am severely lacking in personal effects. I can't say that I've felt any impact on my daily life because of this, or anything.

Home Transition - Login: It is due to the support I receive from my parent and all those around me that I have made it to yet another birthday. I am extremely thankful.

Home Transition - Groovy: It seems as though Ace and Sebek are rather close. He actually learned of my birthday from him... It was a tad unexpected.

Home Tap 1: I am extremely thankful to have been chosen to be a student in Diasomnia. I want to continue to cherish these moments I am able to spend with those most precious to me.

Home Tap 2: Floyd said he would challenge me to a bout as a birthday gift. I'll give my all in response to his earnest suggestion.

Home Tap 3: I'm afraid I startled my roommate quite horribly one rainy day when I decided to practice my sword in our room. After that incident, I have made sure to warn them first before proceeding.

Home Tap 4: At Ortho's invitation, I played a sword fighting VR game. It felt realistic, as if it were truly some sort of simulated combat.

Home Tap 5: Hm? These clothes? This is something my father gifted me. I've made sure to wear it with care even when we were back home.

Home Tap - Groovy: So many people came to the party held at my dormitory. I can't believe there would be so many people who would come to celebrate my birthday... ...I feel happy.

Duo: [SILVER]: Ace, that's a rater upbeat way to celebrate me. [ACE]: I'm gonna raise the roof, Silver-senpai!

Birthday Login Message: [Yuu], thank you for the birthday wishes. As I thought, birthday celebrations are wonderful. What do I wish for? Let me think... I would like a physically fit body, I suppose. What's wrong? Why do you look out of sorts? Sebek and Riddle both asked me the same question earlier, and they also had the same look in their eyes, as well. That's not something you can prepare for me...? I'm not sure I understand what you mean, but I apologize for being unable to give you the answer you were looking for.

Requested by Anonymous.

[vampirebloodie]

Adam Stanheight x reader? Like how Lawrence describes his daughter & wife, have Adam describe his relationship with the reader.

Hope you like it, anon! <3

Best Thing In My Life | Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x Reader

Summary: You carry Adam's baby and the position of the best thing in his life

The time in that bathroom seemed like it would never end, Lawrence and Adam were still trying to understand what they should do to get out of that trap without physical harm. They had already understood that they needed to cut off their own leg that was trapped in chains, but where would they get the courage to do something like that? Lawrence looked at the photo of his family tied up there, helpless, not knowing what he could do to help Alison and their daughter.

“I feel horrible that i can’t help them. Alison and Diana are everything to me. I know i made a mistake cheating on Alison, but i love her since we met years ago. She is the woman of my life.”

The doctor lamented, he didn't even have enough water in his body to shed tears.

“I wonder if they did something to Y/n like they did to them.”

Adam said leaning against the wall, inside he was in pure despair, but he tried to hide it as much as possible, he didn't want to appear weak, no matter how weak he was.

“Y/n? Your relative?”

He asked.

“Something more than that. She is the best thing in my life. Is my girlfriend. I don’t think they would have the courage to do anything to her.”

“If they did something to a child like mine, why wouldn’t they do it to your girlfriend?”

Lawrence asked and Adam ignored his rude question.

“She is not alone. She's pregnant, carrying my baby. I was dedicating myself so much to photography to support both of us and him or her.”

Adam ran his hand over his face, starting to cry. Lawrence was silent for a few seconds before sighing, he was a little shocked now, Adam is gonna be a dad, just like him. If they were close to each other, they would definitely have hugged each other at that moment.

"I'm so sorry."

“I... She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was bullied a lot in high school for being introverted, she was a new student, in the first week without even knowing me she helped me and stopped them from hitting me. She started hanging out with me and even though she was teased for being pretty and hanging out with a "weirdo" like me, she never stopped. After that i started to look at her like the wonder woman of my dreams, we've been together for 7 years and counting, in fact i was planning to surprise her and ask her to marry me, until i ended up here. She probably came home and saw everything set up, but she didn't saw me there. ”

He explained with a sad face.

"Don't worry. We’re going to get out of here and you’re going to see her again. I want to see my family too. Alison and i are not what we used to be, but i know she still loves me as much as i love her, the feeling may have cooled, but our love for Diana can overcome everything. My little girl is such a miracle in our life, she is so smart and curious. Just like her mother when was a teenager. I'm so proud of my baby”

Gordon said smiling, Adam started running his hands through his jeans looking for something, until he took a photo out of one of the pockets and showed it to Lawrence.

“Look look, at least he didn’t take that from me.”

Lawrence couldn't deny it, she really was very beautiful and had a magical smile that could easily charm anyone who passed by her. The photo showed her and Adam together holding a pregnancy test in one hand and a photograph of an ultrasound in the other hand, smiling extremely happily as a couple in love should be.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she? She is the love of my life, she is everything to me, she is the thing i am most grateful for having in my life. My family never supported me in being a photographer, unlike her who always helped me despite all the judgments. Being with her every day makes me happier and warms my heart, it's like im in paradise and she's my goddess. ”

Adam said smiling silly caressing the photo, the blonde laughed.

"Do not laugh. Lawrence, im really scared i'll never leave here and i won’t be able to see her again.” He admitted, frustrated.

"Ok ok, we going to get out of here, we’re going to find a way to do this, you’re going to find your wife, even if i leave first and come back for you.”

"You promise?"

“I promise you, Adam.”

Final note: please, reblog if you liked! 💖

[stobotnikworld]

Sonic 3 - Wtf was that absolute shitshow ??

I'm sorry, but I'm sticking with what I said originally. This film was fucking awful. It was like a slightly better version of a Knuckles episode, but it felt like it had been written by some garbage fanfiction writer who had never heard of Sonic before, and directed by some amateur teenage art student who'd never read a book in their life, or learned how to film.

This is why I like writing my own fanfiction, and reading other people's, because once a franchise becomes cocky and turns on its head it's all the way down from there. Like WAY fucking down. Knuckles was just the beginning...

However fanfiction is exactly that. It's fanfiction, it stays within the fandom so it doesn't look like it's taking a shit on a franchise.

-

I'm putting this massive rant under the cut so that people can skip it if they want, but there is no way I'd see Sonic 3 again and I'm definitely not buying it when it comes out on Blu-Ray.

Sonic 4 is not going to be on my cinema views list after this. The way this franchise is going at the moment, it may not even be on my fanfiction writing list.

I am super glad that Sonic 3 smashed the box office though, the ammount of work Jim Carrey and Lee Majdoub put into the franchise. They deserve it, and the first two films were definitely worth any extra pay that will come from this film. They're wonderful people, wonderful actors, they deserve all the praise they get.

So I'm not trying to be a dick, and they have entertained us wonderfully, which I'm extremely grateful for and I know a lot of other people are too.

They are the only reasons why I still paid to see the film, even after thinking that it looked awful initially. The ammount of work and effort and time they put in, it's not asking a lot for me to support them by taking time out of my day to see their work.

In fact their work wasn't the problem. At any point.

-

I also respect that we all have our own opinions, and I don't want to keep talking about this from this point forth, so I'm not going to go out of my way to try and ruin it for others like a troll on social media etc.

But there are things that need to be said, and this is my Tumblr and my post to say it on, and that way if people want to skip it they can.

Then after this post, I won't get into conversation about it again because I don't want there to be negativity in the fandom, and tbh I really can't be arsed.

I just want to focus on enjoying what is left of Stobotnik, and salvaging what is left of my enjoyment of this fandom before I completely go off it. I feel like my brain has been sandblasted, and it's time I can't get back, and I'm dumber than before I saw the film.

From myself and the other fans who feels this way, fuck you to whoever designed this shitshow.

Whatever you did with this film, don't ever do it again.

EVER.

You are not invincible - you can fall overnight, just like any franchise can. Don't let that happen if you are actually serious about carrying on with this franchise.

The film opens with Shadow waking up in the tank and attacking all of GUN. After this point, 99% of the film had been shown (or misrepresented) in the trailers and clips to make it look a lot better than it actually was.

That was the first thing I noticed, and I mean LITERALLY 99% of the film had been shown throughout the year, almost as though it was a home-made fan film that people were funding out of their own pocket. Where the directors had never made a film before, and needed constant validation from the public that they were writing, filming and animating properly.

There was a whole different feel to this film because of that, and it was fucking weird - and not in a good way.

Everyone felt out of character (more on that later) and literally every tweet about everything Sonic related (fan suggestions and all etc) since the second film were probably staff members asking 'wtf do we do? We have no idea how to script.'

The development between Stone and Robotnik literally never happened. There were a couple of scenes (and I mean like, a couple) that had been shown in the trailers and spoiled through clips online, but literally everything you saw in the film had been put into the trailers and clips. So, watching it in the cinema felt like watching a pirated copy online because there was nothing left to see.

Every second, every scrap of film had been jammed into the trailers and clips to try and get the numbers in. It actually felt like massive scene cuts had been made, like 40 minutes had been cut PER SCENE.

It reminded me of The Last Of Us 2 where most of the game got cut because the staff weren't paid and went on strikes, so they replaced all the good content and jammed in all this budget crap instead from scraps on the cutting room floor.

The finished Sonic 3 film was super, super rushed, far too much crammed in with no depth, development or character exploration, and you could barely tell what was going on from one minute to the next. You know how long each scene was in the trailer? That is literally how long those scenes were in the film.

This film could have been split into a further three films if directed and written properly, with tons and tons of material and deleted scenes left over for the Blu-rays.

Literally 99.5% of the film had been uploaded onto YouTube through trailers, clips and 'theories' throughout the year, almost as though they were constantly checking to see what fans thought. Every tweet, every 'what if', every supposed character design right down to the last pixel, it was confirmation of what the film was going to be about...

If you took all the clips that are on YouTube and put them back to back, you have the entire film. Literally the entire film, I cannot emphasise that enough. Just.. why??? WHY?? What junior twat was responsible for this??

Even Carrey seemed wooden in many parts, and he's an amazing actor.

Everyone was super out of character, it felt like budget cuts had been made everywhere - even on the scrap toilet-newspaper the script had been written.

Tom and Maddy were complete strangers to Sonic, their lives had been cut from each others, the whole thing felt really fucking weird... It's like they had both abandoned Sonic as their child, and the look Maddie gave him in the hospital van was like serial killer eyes.

Like she had never met him before, didn't want the law to protect him, had no feeling towards him. She was cold, she had been so ready to dump Sonic at military school right there and then, just to see him be killed. Not even in a 'huge character mother/son tough-love development arc' kind of way. No, just.. fucking weird.

And WTF was with all the 2min scenes with different characters as though to go 'they're here in the film, but we're not paying them, they're purely appearing for SEO online.' I feel so bad for all the other actors who got shit on. I mean royally fucking shit on, especially the guy playing Commander Walters.

He was such a big character, his death was absolutely meaningless, was over in 2 seconds, no context, no respect, nothing. It almost felt like the other actors were volunteering unpaid. Or else they had been created from CGI and the offer of payment had never been available in the first place.

Was this a result from losing that much money from the Knuckles show because it was complete garbage that nobody wanted and didn't feel invested in?? Or was something else going on in the background? Because it felt like the only real acting going on here was to promote the film and behind the scenes to get people into the cinema to see it.

I mean.. this literally felt like the transition from beautiful watercolour handrawn Lilo & Stitch 1 to the garbage TV cartoon that destroyed the whole franchise.

Or from the fantastic Topcat 1950s show to whatever home-wrecking bullshit we have today. I cannot emphasise enough just how bad this script was, and everything in it.

I was left with more questions than answers after watching the film, and not good ones like 'hey I've got to write something or explore this situation, and I'm going to enjoy it in the process.' Just literally - WTF.

This film was so depressing and not for the supposedly emotional storyline - that it wasn't even, because the main storyline didn't exist.

Shadow had a few nice moments, but for a film that was supposed to be all about him and Maria he was barely in the film at all. They had 'Knuckled' him - which is what I'm calling it now when they take a shit on a character, like they have done all his life. For some really weird fucking reason, that's never been explained.

I mean.. I am so lucky that I watched a bit of the old Sonic cartoons before this film came out, otherwise I would have been like 'who tf is Shadow' and 'who tf is Maria' that's how little info there was.

We literally have no idea what happened to Sonic between films 2 and 3, and there were so many story errors... like with Sonic's cave. Like Tom had never seen it before - yet he and Maddy found all Sonic's shit from his cave in the first place and brought it home.

Tom and Maddy also didn't seem to give two shits whether he lived or died, and what chaos it could bring to their lives. Sonic is their KID, it's their job to protect him.

It's actually completely put me off the Sonic Live franchise now. I'm glad it kicked Disney's butt, they deserve it with all their paedophiles and rapists and nazi bullshit, but the Sonic film in itself? Completely weird, very uncomfortable, super rushed garbage.

Like a long TV episode that's been made up of 7 seasons, and then shoved together quickly so that there is no backstory and no room to explain, explore or feel. Every single thing the fans said throughout the last year or so, appeared in the film in almost exactly the words they said it. Zero creativity.

Zero, zero creativity. This is a film I would happily pay not to have to watch again. A definite straight to Blu-Ray, home film kind of thing. For £3.

The 2 seconds worth of Stobotnik (and I do say 2 seconds, because literally every tiny scene you see in the film is in the goddamn trailer or clips), was the only saving point - and I'm not saying that because I'm a Stobotnik fan. That was literally the only saving point...

That and Shadow and Maria's story that was like 2mins long, and had an ending that made no sense whatsoever...

[moonlady101]

I finally finished my final degree project and it won't be long (hopefully), until I'm finally a post graduate student!

Since this has happened, I wanted to write about something really important for me, and that is how this degree saved my life.

It might seem a bit dramatic to put it that way, but bear with me for just a second. When I was 18 I dropped out of university; it was not an easy decision, but I had started a degree on Biology and I did not like it, at all. I wanted to become a scientist, even though my parents and every single person around me knew that what I really loved was languages and literature and, especially writting. But I, influenced by the world around me, was absolutely convinced that it was better for me if I chose sciences. And there I was, a teenager who had known nothing but studying and learning her entire life with nothing to do. I have vertigo, but that has been the closest thing I have ever been to knowing how a freefall feels.

So I started taking courses, on professional makeup, on FX makeup, on writting, on writting a screenplay... and I kind of enjoyed them, but I never really felt as if they were taking me anywhere other than doing something with the time I had.

And then, on 2019 I got my first job as a waitress. I worked at a restaurant for four moths before I said to my parents "I could be a waitress for the rest of my life". I will never forget the horrified expression that appeared on my mum's face.

And here I will take a moment to explain. I know most people have to work to pay for their studies, I know people have to work to maintain their family, I am really lucky and extremely grateful to my parents because they have never pressured me to work, they have always supported my decisions both financially and emotionally. My point here is that working on something that I hated doing (please respect your waiter or waitress always, it is an extremely tough job and most people aren't aware of the half of it) made me feel good, because I felt useful, because at least I was doing something that gave me some money and kept me busy.

But deep down I was lost, I love studying, everyone knew that, even I did, but making what I considered a mistake at eighteen made me feel as if I had wasted years of my life, and I couldn't waste them anymore, so I started working.

And then one day, my dad came to me and casually talked to me about a degree on ancient history. This was 2020, we had gone through COVID, we had seen the world come to a halt and felt fear as we had never had before. So, I said that I wanted to try, and what happened next was that I found my thing, I discovered what my passion was and what really made me happy; to be surrounded by people who talk about the past every single day, to meet people who made me fall in love with greek and latin, to change my Tumblr account and find amazing people who like the same stuff I do, and most importantly, to learn.

It is never too late to start doing what you love, life is full of second chances and changes of heart, and sometimes it takes time to find your place. My parents have always been amazing and supportive, but I always felt as if I was making mistake after mistake, when every single thing I have done has made me the person who I am today. The degree did not exactly save my life, but the people I met and I still meet to this day did, and I am extremely grateful to all of them.

So go on and keep trying, and if you feel like that is not your place, perhaps it is time to look somewhere else...

[anablog4capstone]

Reflection Post

What were your thoughts about your research topic going into the first week of the semester?

My first thoughts going into the semester were that I had a lot to get done and I guess I was also a little naive when it came to the kind of work I was getting into. Last semester I was so sure about a lot of things and I wasn’t expecting all the hardships I would go through personally working on this project. I really enjoyed my research topic though and I feel like I remember telling myself that this is what I’ve been focusing on all semester, so I started off a little rocky. Even looking at my old tumblr posts I can feel how strongly I wanted things to work out.

What are your thoughts now about your research topic and your project/practicum?

Now thinking about my project I really want to laugh. That might be kind of odd to say but there is just so much love that I put into this. I really have all these amazing memories with the people I met because of it. They shared stories with me outside of the interviews and helped me remember why I was making these videos at all. This project is something I am truly grateful for and it makes me happy to have out there now. It is a reflection of me, my peers, my professors and even my family. All the love, support and encouragement from them made this project possible.

What did you learn about yourself as a creative through this journey?

I learned a lot about myself and how I managed my own time. At first I was kind of worried about a lot of things like handling all my classes on top of this big project, but as time went on, I felt a lot more comfortable doing it on my own. I think I was used to being on a tighter schedule for single 5 minute videos at school but these were bigger productions and a lot more time consuming. I feel like I got a grip on how I wanted to create my videos and how the end product would look like.

What did you learn about the creative and production process?

I learned that since I was dependent on interviews, I really needed to have grace for schedules besides my own. When doing interviews and creating a plan before you go out to film sometimes these are going to contradict each other. I had to update some of my wordings and edit out or create new lines in my script. Also finding the right moments for b-roll and whatever each person says can also change directions of the video. I think just overall, I’ve really grown as a person and so many things have happened this semester that added to

What advice would you give new senior capstone students?

I would tell them to just take a moment for yourself sometimes. I know this is stressful and demanding so it’s okay to cry or to choose to be alone for a while. Mental health is extremely important and while yes, you do have this big project to focus on, hurting yourself will not make it easier for you. When you look back on this project you don’t want to remember the bad parts of the process but the good ones. Remember that you can talk to someone about whatever you are going through, you are not alone. Even being in the capstone class, I would say most people in your class are stressed and worried too, but you all have each other. I recommend sharing emails or discord information to talk to others who are in the same boat. That can definitely help you not feel so overwhelmed.

Where to now

I guess now, I can’t really say for sure where I’ll be but I'm hoping to stay in media production and just focus on my camera. My favorite part of learning was always the people I got to meet and their stories that stuck with me.

Thank you all for being part of my journey. I can’t wait to see what the future looks like, bye!

[filmbyjy]

the enha-files award show has ended and although One Note didn't win 'smau of the year' I am extremely grateful to be even nominated!

(gonna be spitting out words here so just click read more if you'd like to read about my journey and my little thank you note that i wanted to write if One Note did win)

when i first started writing back in 2017-2018. i started off my journey doing youtube fanfics (that's crazy) which meant I had to edit the videos, make a whole story, edit text, download videos (illegally, please don't catch me FBI) and then upload it to youtube. it was a rough start bc i was 15-16 around that time and i was still a student. i had my major exam for secondary school around that time too so like idk what i was doing💀

nobody really knew that i made fanfics on youtube. like my irl friends. i just kept silent about it cause in a way. it was a little embarrassing back then. then my videos started to get views. i was actually shocked. i wanted to also share my works on other famous writing platforms so wattpad was my next target. that's where user markxdino started growing even more.

2018-2020: my journey in wattpad. i was a huge fan of ateez back then. still am now. i decided that i wanted to make a book consisting of short imagines/drabbles hence i created the ATEEZ Imagines book #1. i didn't care about the views or reads. i had simply wanted to share my creative writing and to make people happy. Which has always been my life motto. 'Be happy & make people happy'. i shared some life details on myself on there as if the readers were my friends and i really did enjoy reading the comments on there. once again. the views on that book kept stacking up and i was shocked. soon enough before 2019, the book received 1M reads. I was frozen. that's a huge number for a 16-17 year old to even comprehenc. I also juggled my little youtube career along with this. i even had a schedule for which days i should focus on making video fanfics and wattpad fanfics.

however as you know, school happens. i couldn't keep up with the schedule but i always found time to edit the videos and also write. which now that i think about it back, idk how i did that.

2020-2025: i'm sure around this timing is when i started tumblr. as some of you may know, i was once a user called markxdino on here. i had that account for about 2 years and had a decent following. around 1K? with fanfics from ateez, txt and enhypen. i wrote for those 3 groups mainly. i also had side blogs for the 5th/8th/9th member of the respective groups but again. i couldn't keep up. i sill can't now💀 i apologise for that. i may come back with it since i have more free time now.

anyways, with the side blogs that i didn't use. i decided that i wanted to delete them. i've deleted side blogs before. why not delete the ones i never use in a long time. bad idea. cause it told me to put my username and i was like "huh?" so i just put it in. THEN I DELETED MY WHOLE BLOG😭😭😭 i was halfway through my smau that i did at the time, 'Jam Out'. panic was running all over my body. i almost cried ngl. like gurl that blog was my safe space for me to talk about events in my life. the artists that i love. many more. suddenly 2 years of writing on there was gone just like that. i told myself that i wouldn't give up bc there are users at the time who really enjoyed 'Jam Out' and they were worried with what happened to my blog.

those users, some have deactivated and some are still here just not active. I thank them till this day for continuing their support on my smau even though i had to restart on uploading it. it gave me motivation on writing. i will forever be thankful to my readers back then and currently for showing love and support on my works.

now this is what i wrote for if One Note did win. here you go:

holy shit?? Umm, thank you to everyone who voted for One Note to win best ‘SMAU of the year’!! I would also like to congratulate other nominees who have been nominated under the same category! Everyone did their best. I do believe that enhablr writers are truly amazing at creative writing and have such talented skills! If anyone would like to be friends on enhablr, come say hi!! I don’t bite I swear T_T Oh! I also hope that my readers are enjoying ‘Hidden Love’ so far!! Love you guys ❤️

it's been a long journey losing my account on here but i still continued persevering and here we are with 3.5K followers 😭 i'm actually going to sob guys

[hidefdoritos]

arrrrrrrrrrrrgh

So Monday started with an 11-hour work shift in which I made an EXTREMELY CRUCIAL safety mistake that almost maimed two other people. It's hard to tell how much trouble I'll be in about that. Both people have forgiven me already.

Crucial note: Lately I haven't been nearly as active, which is scrungling my brain. I also forgot meds and drank caffeine that day, neither of which I usually do. That doesn't excuse me at all. It's my fault for doing steps out of order with machinery.

Monday night I talked to several support people about it. My best friend came over and we talked for a few hours. She's in a rough depressive episode where she isn't going to kill herself but she feels nothing positive and is starting to drift. I was battling the desire for every form of self-harm because I almost killed people. This is the first major screw-up I've experienced.

By the grace of God everyone was spared. I didn't overdose or cut myself or drink anything or skip meals/water or even drive home with no music and the windows down. [I was able to tell myself that every idea was either insufficient penance or was a dumb overreaction.]

I went to bed at 1 and it took til past 3 to actually sleep. And then I proceeded to sleep. All the way until 3:30 pm. When I was supposed to leave the house for work at 2. I have no excuse and no understanding of why it happened except that I didn't want to wake up at all. And my phone died so no alarm. My dreams were a little stressful but I pushed past them and stayed bundled in the blanket with the blackout curtains until something ticked me awake much too late.

I scrambled into work by 4:20 (nice) and apologized and apologized. The good news is that enough people called off "sick" or never showed up yesterday that they were just grateful I still came in.

Our head manager (no formal authority but she's risen to the top) pulled me aside for a second chat about my attendance. I've been sick A Lot this past semester. We already had one chat and I was honest that college ran me ragged and the students kept getting each other sick and I'm happy to be done. Yesterday's chat was more informal, but she told me to "Fix your attendance. You're a trainer. All the other trainers are starting to complain."

I believe it. It's probably not even bad, but the thought that anyone anywhere has anything bad to say about me makes me anxious.

Yesterday's work shift went fine. Several other things went wrong or got broken, but with zero injuries, management is eager to write it all off as a bad few days. I got put right back in the same position as Monday. I guess until further notice I'm still allowed to do that job.

I spent new year's eve beating some retirees at dominoes and sipping Martinelli's at midnight. I then got pulled over at 1 am for having my license plate light out. Which does wonders for my overall jumpiness. The cop was polite, but I dropped my registration paper (which expired in 2022! I haven't put the new paper in my wallet since then!) and couldn't find it again. He looked up my info and gave me a warning.

It again took until 3 to fall asleep (probably bc I slept in so long previously). And it felt like a long time, because I had three incredibly stressful dreams.

In one dream, I was a kid at the library in the play area. It was already messy, and I played in it for a long time. I then stayed until closing, when a librarian came over to help me pick up everything. It was a mess like my room is right now. Nothing fit back into its bins. She got more and more upset with me.

In the second dream, I was joining my college chorale for a summer singing thing, but after the spring semester that I dropped choir and my director was upset with me. I had a week to learn everything and was late for the first rehearsal and then had to ask the director in front of everyone whether I was joining both chorale and chamber choir or not.

As an extension, the third dream morphed into some kind of monastery setup. A young woman I didn't know was murdered. My parents and I found her while cleaning the compactor. It was in a time before modern government, so our monastery was self-governing, and the suspected perp was being protected until a body was found. Dad loaded her remains into a tote and intended to sneakily leave them in a common area: convicting the perp without personally causing social waves. I ended up shoving him against a wall and begging him to tell the head priest directly, or I was going to. I was begging him not to let someone else make a gruesome discovery.

And then I woke up at 5:51. At first I thought I slept thru the day again, but my phone runs military time, so I disproved that idea. It's now been an hour of praying and journaling (this counts btw) and I'm still awake. Of course even a couple more hours would average me out to two normal nights of sleep.

I still haven't transferred my residency. Or canceled that subscription. Or picked up that prescription. Or booked an eye doctor appointment. Or booked a massage. Or sold my Vans merch. Or shipped grandma her present. Or activated my new phone. I've been kinda acting hungover since college ended. Which makes sense. Today is probably the worst day to go into the gym, but I bet it would clear the gunk out of my brain.

I'm gonna try to sleep again. Then I'll see what the rest of this day holds.

[swallowed-by-the-moon]

I don't know if I'm the only one who does this but I traumdump to random ppl just to see their reaction in order to understand if what I experienced was really traumatic or I'm just a spoilt child in a grown up body who uses his pseudotrauma to excuse his spoilt-ness

this shit constantly messes w my head. because my mother often told me I made my "trauma" up just to make her look bad. I mean I don't know how others live. at least I don't starve. but is it normal or is it not? i don't understand because my mother constantly changes from affectionate to hateful and vise versa. she's always been like this and I never knew which one is her true form. I mean her actions just show me how she never wanted me and my sister at the first place because she doesn't even try to be supportive. both me and my sister noticed that she isn't able to actually get into the stuff we like. in fact I guess she wouldn't even be able to tell which colour is my favourite or answer some other basic question about me correctly. I mean she never tried to understand the stuff I liked and called it "stupid". I wasn't physically neglected tho. and idk if staying distant from your kids is neglect it's literally so questionable because alienation is all I've ever known, it seems normal. punishing me by taking the things I love away is 100% not normal tho, making me face a relative who's been abusive towards me both physically and mentally is not okay too

but the fact that my bio parents are not poor makes everything more complicated even. honestly I would give anything to have supportive parents even if we'd live poorly. the thing I understood as I aged was that in fact money bring emptiness. okay yes they can afford to buy us a console, a laptop, a private art college. but all they give me is distraction from the horrible reality stripped of any meaning because I don't have human bonds. I always stay distant. I can't let myself get attached. and videogames are a way out. but it's really not what I want. I mean. I listen to my friend's stories and she often tells me her family lacks money and I'm just. my parents never lacked money (esp for basic needs). does that make me invalid?

I escaped to this art college from a high school where I was bullied and got extremely paranoid amd dysphoric, tried to kms. in fact my mother sponsored me getting out of there and going to tjis art college. but in fact I wouldn't even end up in that high school in another country if they didn't press me for years so I felt an urge to run away as far as I can. they pressed me into choosing a profession that never felt right for me either way. told me that "artists don't earn money" when I said I wanted to be an animation student. is it really all them or am I unable to just be grateful because I'm too spoilt for it?

[amstories]

Newsletter #14: October 2023

Dear RNAs,

It's been a while since I've written a newsletter. Seasons are changing so fast so here's a summary of my highlights and milestones for the past months.

Wattpad Ambs Update

Ardor

Ficlet Fridays S04

Inkspired Inktober

Wattpad Ambs Update

In case you missed it, I'm no longer a part of the Ambassadors Program since August. After evaluating my circumstances and busy schedule, I know that I can no longer commit to being an ambassador in Wattpad. Being a part of this program taught me a lot. Here are the few things I learned from Wattpad Ambs:

Never underestimate the value of meaningful conversation for your well-being.

Be aware of what you're saying, and how it could perhaps be misinterpreted.

Take a breather if something you are reading is annoying or angering you.

Volunteers do not necessarily have the time; they have the heart!

The heart of a volunteer is never measured in size, but by the depth of the commitment to make a difference in the lives of others.

And lastly, "Be kind, always." Wattpad Ambs taught me to always look at another online user as another human behind that account. Whatever they might do or say, that account is being handled by another human who has feelings or a circumstance that we know nothing about. That's why it's important to always be kind.

I'm grateful for the work that every Wattpad Ambassador is putting out there, whether seen or unseen by the Wattpad community. You, guys, are awesome!

For those who wants to join the Ambs program, I highly recommend it only if you love to serve the Wattpad community and reading (because you'll do lots of it).

Ardor

Whenever I think of it, I still can't believe it happened. Last MIBF, Ardor was launched and I had my very first book signing. Crazy!

Ardor is an anthology of 21 short stories about love. The title means a strong, intense feeling of love. This is KPub PH's first anthology book project and I'm extremely grateful to be a part of this.

To be able to publish one of my stories is already a miracle, but to be able to have my first book signing in MIBF is even more than my wildest dreams. Publishing a book was never the goal for me. I was already content in writing stories and sharing them on my online platforms.

So I wanted to thank you, my RNAs, for reading my stories. Every support you give goes a long way already, whether it be just reading, commenting, or sharing any post I make. Thank you also for those who already got a copy for themselves. By buying one, you're also supporting 20 other writers. I hope you read theirs, too! Special shoutout to KPub PH who has been so accommodating to me, whether online or in person. I'm deeply grateful that you have chosen my story from the hundreds who submitted their manuscripts. Thank you for being an avenue for me to experience such a miracle as this.

Ficlet Fridays S04

As you may have observed, I stopped posting ficlets since July. I'm officially ending Ficlet Fridays S04. I apologize for those who were waiting for the JenJer ficlets. They are still in my drafts pero iipunin ko muna sila. The main reason why I challenged myself to post a ficlet every Friday this year is to see how far could I commit myself to post regularly.

Since I'm still a student and a person who has different other responsibilities, this challenge became my gauge as to how I can be present as a writer while juggling different roles in my life. I'm doing another writing challenge, Inspired Inktober, to help me start writing about what I really want. It just wouldn't make sense for me to continue writing S04 when there's S05 already.

No worries. My remaining ficlet drafts from S04 would see the light someday.

Ficlet Fridays S05: Inkspired Inktober

For the past months, God has been dealing with me my creative calling. He has continued to affirm that He was the one who placed that desire and dream for me to pursue creatives. One of the ways my creative calling has been manifested is through the stories I create. As a daughter of the Creator, God has given me the gift to create through words and writing. And I just know that I ought to use that gift to reflect God's character and to tell God's story well.

Having a Christian creative community also encouraged and pushed me to pursue this calling. Over time, I became more intentional in the things I write. I also began to reflect and review on the things I've wrote before. So don't be surprised if I begin to unpublish certain stories on my profile.

One of the things that I wanted to do to grow in my creativity is to join Indie Beginning's Inspired Inktober for Christian creatives. Since there are no rules about mediums, interpretations, number of prompts you follow, or how often you'll create, I'll proceed with writing ficlets.

In the ficlets you'll read for Inkspired Inktober, you may expect new characters I might introduce in the (far) future. But for me, these characters have been sitting at the corner of my mind, waiting to be introduced to the world. One day, I'll share their entire stories to the world. But for now, all I could offer are ficlets--only fragments of who they are. And I'm stoked to share them to you!

Don't worry. I might also write about familiar characters you know, depending on the prompt given.

As you journey with me this Inktober, my prayer is that you would encounter God somehow in the ficlets I write.

Thank you for being a part of my creative journey. It's a privilege and an honor for you to allow me to enter your world as you enter mine.

nagkukwento, AM

[fuckinorangecat]

Today was a good day.

11/09/2023

I'm contracted to teach at three different schools. My base high school, an extension school of the base school situated in the mountains and an agricultural one. Today I visited my extension school. The bus was a 45 minute journey from my base school, costing 790 yen (yeowch). I had some preconceptions about this school - I simply thought it was a school for students too rural to commute to the base school but I noticed a few of them on the bus. They got on at the town's main station which confused me. I thought "Why not just go to the base school"? Although I don't know the historical reason as to why it was actually established, it's now become a safe space for those unable to fit into the base school. It definitely gives me mixed feelings, I'm both delighted for the students to have their own space to thrive but heartbroken to find out that some of them went there because they were bullied. I guess without truly knowing the language, I haven't actually gotten a clue as to what or how anyone communicates in Japanese. But ignoring all the sad shit, the kids were absolutely wonderful. They were kind, welcoming and happy. I've only met them today but I want to try my absolute hardest for these kids. At the very least I want to show them that there are kind people all over the world, maybe they'll want to study more English if I can make them properly trust and talk to me. The classes are extremely small, second years only has two students, third year about four but today three of them were absent so I literally taught one to one. It's so strange to me that this is their reality but I'm so open to it. Due to the size of the classes/years the students all mingle together. We had sports day rehearsals today and everyone could talk to each other. There was a really quiet student who was the spitting image of a bookworm archetype. Hair that covered most of the face, facemask and a meek voice. She struggled with her volume, but no matter what she still tried to engage with me and speak English. I'm so proud of her. Everyone I called out to her to respond, every other student respected her too. No pressuring comments like "c'mon A-chan", just patience. After teaching all my classes we had lunch together which was so nice, I couldn't understand a word of Japanese but they laughed just as they always have. The history and P.E teacher joined us too. Oh yeah, it was a student that took the initiative to invite me for lunch too. Thank you so much H-chan! Oh yeah, an interesting thing about this school is that there are 4th year students. The Japanese structure for highschool only goes up to three years normally but there are some kids who obviously need more support. I met a student that graduated last year and she still visits everyone despite studying in University in the neighbouring prefecture. It really does emphasise how tightknit everyone is, in a school built in the middle of nowhere. I had this one student in particularly who was really into anime, he was so shocked to find out anime was popular overseas. He kept naming animes to see if I know or watched it and was in total awe at the amount I knew. We spoke about anime for a good hour after school finished, we also went on the same bus home so at the he took out his phone and recommended me some animes. I can't wait to study more Japanese so we can have a proper conversation. My heart feels so warm after today. I can't make it for their sports day this saturday because I'm in Osaka but I promised them all I'd bring back gifts!

I've been here for just over a month and I've only taught two lessons but I can't emphasise enough how unbelievably grateful I am for the JET Programme and the experience it's given me. The people are wonderful here in the countryside. The world really is big and I want to do everything I can here before moving to another country.

Anyway, that's enough for today. Thanks for reading.

Goodnight.

[applejarjar]

Oh the dichotomy of the human race

[lockejhaven]

↪ 𝚘𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 / 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟸 --- monthly summary 02

»»—————————-　𓆩❤︎𓆪　—————————-««

Hello, my sprites! Here we are for another wrapup ❤︎

It's been quite a busy month full of progress and creation! I'm excited to see what I've accomplished, so let's get into it!

»»—————————-　𓆩❤︎𓆪　—————————-««

𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜 —

➺ First of all, I created a kofi ! I’ve been more active in the community and as such, I’ve offered  to help others with tumblr theme coding, WIP graphics, and more, for free! The kofi is for those of you who would like to support what I write and do ^^

➺ In a similar vein, I created a Notion template for free use; it’s a character masterlist, includes an expanded character page template, and is completely free for any notion user.  (That said, Notion does offer a free premium membership for students, if you have a student email c;)

➺ This month has been a major increase in activity. We welcome 52 new sprites to the Haven, for a total of 540 members! I'm elated that so many of you are interested in my work ❤︎

➺ Along with this, I’ve reached two other milestones; 5,000 liked posts and 1,000 original posts. Honestly, I’m not too sure whether to be proud of these or not. If anything, it’s slightly unnerving to see how active I am, LOL.

➺ The writeblr list is up to 37 members and is still open to adding more! Simply fill out the form, reblog the original promo post, and I’ll tag you once I’ve added you to the Locket.

➺ North Haven Discord has reached 52 members! I’ve also worked hard to bring in new bots, reorganize realms, and allow members to share their work in a more effective manner. All writers  are welcome to join, and if you do, I ask that you reblog the promo post for it!

➺ I’ve been generally more active this month, as have all of my lovely sprites! My inbox has been absolutely overflowing with asks and I’ve got plenty of tag games to work with; I’m extremely grateful for everyone’s support, and I will always get to your asks + tags.

➺ That said, I wanted to give a few mutuals a shoutout, as my community has grown quite a bit and I’ve started interacting with even more wonderful writeblrs ❤︎

@writingpotato07 @kaatiba @ink-fireplace-coffee @andromedatalksaboutstuff @aghostwriteblr @bloodlessheirbyjacques @sweetieguk @tragicbackstoryenjoyer

Each of you have been so wonderful and supportive, and I’m so grateful to have the pleasure of sharing my works with you and to get to learn about yours ❤︎

»»—————————-　𓆩❤︎𓆪　—————————-««

𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜 —

➺ I created a tag list for my writing, poetry, snippets, and more; reblog with which lists you’d like to be on! (A/N: If you want everything, you’ll be added to the ‘general’ list)

➺ Most of my writing has been fully compiled into Google Drive and Notion, with a few straggling bits of info in notebook.ai and kumu.io. This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to having everything in one, single place!

➺ All of my characters have been noted down in Notion (or, most of them) in one big masterlist; a few have linked pages, which I’ve been slowly working on expanding!

➺ Faefinder has had a major update! I made an intro, designed some covers, and even managed to post the first part! I’m still mostly in the planning stages with this one, but at the very least I have a general idea of the direction I want to go!

➺ My blog has expanded into multiple new pages, with more yet to be added! Please welcome the following to my page list…

WIP Pages A Ghost, a Quill, and a Mockingbird Angel to Mage Fable: Servant to Dragon and King Faefinder

Character Pages Archaics Inamorata StDK (Cast) Luminaries

»»—————————-　𓆩❤︎𓆪　—————————-««

𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚜 —

BLORBO BLURSDAY

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Myhren & Artwyn 02 Krisdi Varalei 01

╚═════════════════════╝

TAG GAMES

╔═════════════════════╗

Find the word 03 Find the word 04 Find the word 04 (2) Find the word 05 Find the word 06 URL music tags Heads Up/Last Line 01 Heads Up 02 3 images tag (01-StDK) 3 images tag (02-AtM) Pick your poison Favorite movies Deify yourself Get to know me 02

╚═════════════════════╝

STORYTELLING SATURDAY

╔═════════════════════╗

WIP Symbols WIP Progress

╚═════════════════════╝

WORLDBUILDING WEDNESDAY

╔═════════════════════╗

The Locket: Energy

╚═════════════════════╝

WRITING/LORE/ART

╔═════════════════════╗

A Bond Broken (Repost) Midnight Banners Angel to Mage Snippets StDK: The Blade GQM: Updated Intro

╚═════════════════════╝

POETRY

╔═════════════════════╗

The War w/ Wallpatternz Refusal

╚═════════════════════╝

OTHER ASKS/OC ASKS

╔═════════════════════╗

Writing questions 01 Writing questions 02 Writer’s asks 01 Adjective asks 01 Adjective asks 02 Adjective asks 03 Fall asks 01 Flustered 01 Flustered 02 Word search 01 OC asks 01

╚═════════════════════╝

»»—————————-　𓆩❤︎𓆪　—————————-««

𝚘𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 — --- checklist

I actually managed to make progress on my goals from this past month… 

➺ Progress w/ Character Library ➺ Continue answering asks ➺ Update The Locket ➺ Introduce a few more WIPs and Characters

𝚗𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 — --- checklist

Which means… I can make a list of new goals for the coming month!

➺ Complete a few more WIP + Character pages ➺ Post my favorite snippet c; ➺ Expand on character masterlist info ➺ Answer asks + tag games

»»—————————-　𓆩❤︎𓆪　—————————-««

This marks a two month streak on monthly wrap-up posts, which I’m super proud of! It turns out that the motivation of seeing my progress laid out is more than enough to do this, and hopefully, I’ll be able to continue this next month as well. Once again, thank you to every single one of my sprites for the support and love; I can’t wait to see what the next month holds for us ❤︎

~ Of Fables & Feathers,

🕊️ Locke J. Haven

locket’s tags:  ╔═════════════════════╗

@365runesofwritingg   @enchanted-lightning-aes   @thepixiediaries   @midnight-and-his-melodiverse   @perasperaadastrawriting@fearofahumanplanet @orphicpoieses @writeblrsupport [ your tag could be here… ]

╚═════════════════════╝

[dawnfelagund]

Am I crazy for wanting to become a teacher? I'm taking classes for teaching certification right now, but I saw the post about ADHD and the anger there really shook me. Any words of wisdom for a young aspiring educator?

The short answer is, no, I don’t think you’re crazy. :) I adore my job and there is nothing else I’d rather do. I have so much fun with my students; laughter and joy are part of my everyday work. I’m on summer break now, and the other day, I found myself scrolling through pictures on my phone that I’d taken throughout the school year and reminiscing about the last school year and laughing anew at the things we got up to and missing my kiddos badly.

But–you probably knew there was going to be a but :)–I would be lying if I didn’t say my job is extremely hard. Teachers are notoriously bad at work-life balance. (One of my professional goals for next year is to improve on work-life balance because the year I had last year is not sustainable long-term.) I think new teachers should go into their work with eyes open to the challenges we face in our profession right now; they are not insurmountable challenges, but they are significant and tend (in my experience) to be glossed over by teacher-prep programs and school districts desperate to solve teacher shortages by harping on the “Make a Difference!!” message at the expense of acknowledging what the day-to-day reality of new teachers will actually look like.

As I said in my original post, expectations and working conditions vary widely by district in the U.S. Contrary to conservative myth, the federal government does not control or mandate curriculum (Common Core is standards, not curriculum, and also not adopted by every state)–and ironically, the biggest federal education mandate, the unfunded No Child Left Behind law, was a Republican policy–and this is controlled at the state or local level, so my experiences in the two states where I’ve taught (Maryland and Vermont) may not reflect what your experiences would be where you live.

In general, though, teachers are on the front lines of a society where people are increasingly finding it difficult to meet their basic needs and where the social safety net has been systematically dismantled. Unless you end up in a very privileged school–which is near-impossible for a new teacher–this absolutely impacts the kids you will see in your classroom every day. It most often manifests in behavior problems, either because kids in families stretched thin by poverty haven’t been taught behavioral expectations for school or because kids are acting out due to trauma and other psychoemotional problems that they are unprepared to cope with. In my experience, teacher-prep programs have done little to nothing to prepare new teachers for how to manage a classroom where kids are daily trying to cope with such challenges. (For the record, the first five years of my career were spent in a special-ed school in Baltimore for boys with emotional disabilities, so I know what extreme behavior looks like … and my teacher-prep program spent one week in one class addressing classroom management, never addressing significant behavior issues that you most likely will encounter in the classroom. While my first school had major shortcomings, I am extremely grateful that it did offer me the training I needed to be effective with the most challenged and challenging kids. I hope your program serves you better than mine did but if not, I’m happy to share resources.)

Again, the impact this would have on your as a professional depends on your district. I am lucky to work in a district that prioritizes education, so even though my school had the highest eligibility for free and reduced meals in the state last year, you would not know it from looking at my school, which does a commendable job of extending the same opportunities to our students as would a school serving a middle-class community. Most of the enrichment and social services we provide is funded through our school budget or grant money. Sadly, this is not the case for most schools in the U.S. that serve low-income populations, which is why you often hear of teachers coming out of their pockets not only for their classroom supplies but for food and clothing for their students who would otherwise go without.

Part of my anger is because of this: because how have we failed as a nation if we cannot protect the basic needs and safety of children? Yet I have had children in my care for every moment of my career who have faced hardships that would have been the end of me.

And some of the anger you sensed is because one of the other realities of our profession that no one talks about in your teacher-prep classes is how despised our profession has become–and routinely and casually so–due to right-wing slander against educators. And for whatever reason, this rhetoric has been picked up by people across the political spectrum. This is Tumblr, so I’d be willing to wager that most of the people in the original thread I was responding to would identify with the left politically, yet are fully comfortable making claims that public educators medicate kids because they’re too lazy to deal with developmentally normal behaviors. Likewise, I have had progressive friends make disparaging comments about educators directly to me, thinking nothing of it because it’s become so commonplace to assume that teachers are stupid, incompetent, and lazy that they don’t even stop to think about what they’re saying long enough to consider their audience. (To wit, the saying “If you can’t do, teach,” which an online friend–again, an outspoken progressive–actually wrote to me when congratulating me for completing my certification, apparently never stopping to consider that I might find that sentiment insulting.) But, as I noted in my post last night, we are one of the only professions remaining with strong union membership, and this makes us a threat to big-money interests that would like to skim out of our pockets in the same way they have the U.S. people as a whole and are fighting with every ounce of their being to privatize and profit from the public right to a free and appropriate education for every child in the U.S. In addition, as I noted in the tags, we are the ones teaching kids inconvenient facts about their legal rights and democratic ideals and some of the less-rosy chapters of our nation’s history, which makes us a threat to certain groups who would far prefer an ignorant, frightened populace.

Anyway, as I noted at the beginning, I would not choose to do any other work, despite the frustrations and challenges. At the core of what I believe is the potential of all human beings to influence our world for the better, no matter the color of their skin or their gender identity or the amount of money in their parents’ bank accounts when they’re born, and so I feel compelled to do this work, to put my talents and energy to offering a leg up to kids who might otherwise slip through the cracks.

If I could offer advice to a teacher-in-training, it would be this: First of all, be aware and evaluative of the amount of training your are receiving in classroom management. I can’t speak for every teacher-prep program, but the ones I’m familiar with spend very little time on this even though classroom management is the top concern of new teachers and, in my experience, the biggest reason why new teachers leave the field. Although I know that adding one more thing is probably like adding gasoline to a wildfire at this point in your career, it really is worth pursuing information on this on your own, if your program is not meeting your needs. It will make your first job so much easier (and make you so much more confident to be able to handle the challenges I described–and projecting confidence is itself a good classroom management strategy, especially if you work with older kids). As I said, I’m happy to share resources. If you have a mentor, they can help here as well.

If at all possible, student-teach in a school that is similar to the schools where you think you’ll eventually work. Another shortcoming I find with the teacher-prep programs I’m familiar with is that they stick their student teachers into the cushiest, easiest middle-class schools before casting them into a job market where they will likely start in a low-income, high-need school with significant challenges.

Talk to teachers in districts and schools where you’re considering working and find out what the strengths and challenges are. What support do they offer new teachers? (Ideally, you’ll get a mentor for at least your first year.) How much support do they offer their teachers in general? Does the administration have your back, or are they going to abandon you the moment the going gets tough? How much control will you retain over what and how you teach? Classroom management? You should be able to make adjustments to meet your students’ needs and interests; this is best practice, and if a district or school is doing otherwise, run. Does the school/district favor a positive or punitive approach to classroom management? What does the district/school see as their priorities? (Growing the whole child or raising test scores? Relationships or rigor?) How much pressure is put on teachers around test scores? How will you be evaluated and what is the philosophy around evaluation? (Assuming everyone can always grow and improve or using evaluations to punish shortcomings and mistakes?) How supportive is the administration in terms of maintaining a healthy work-life balance? What resources will you be given? Will you have a budget for supplies? How much? Are the books, resources, and technology up to date? (Is there even technology? What is the ratio of students to devices actually available to use?) What opportunities are available in the school day for the arts? Do students have access to unstructured play and social time during the day? What resources does the school offer for kids and families in need of additional social services? Are there meals available for food-insecure kids? Counseling and mental health services? After-school programs? Or will you be buying breakfast every day for your homeroom rather than imagining them struggling through their morning on empty stomachs? Asking teachers and not administrators will help get some honest answers to these questions.

And please feel free to reach out to me at any time (and this goes for anyone thinking about or starting a teaching career!). I’m a mentor in my district and so trained to coach new teachers, and if I can offer any tips or resources then I’m happy to do so.

[hussainshiyam]

Conversations That Mattered.

Originally Published on the 29th of January 2021

I am extremely bad with remembering names. I do not remember most of the people with whom I went to school. However, I am extremely good at remembering conversations/ debates/ arguments I've had throughout the years that have had an impact in shaping my thought process and ideology. The irony is that I rarely remember the person on the opposing side but their arguments are tattooed to my conscience and subconscious. Let me give you a couple of instances that reiterates what I mean.

The first conversation is one I had with friends from boarding school. I can vividly remember it. It's 1995, I am a student in KPS. The conversation was whether or not India will become a permanent member in the United Nations Security Council with Veto power in the year 2000. If I'm not mistaken, this is a topic of conversation between me and Kamalashankar Dhakad. I'm not sure if the brother remembers this or I am remembering the wrong person. Regardless of whether I am misremembering with whom I had the debate, I still took away a lot from it.

What trips me out and amazes me is how a bunch of kids in their early teens even managed to have a conversation like this. What made it so memorable was that we had no evidence to present that backed up any of our views. It was a back and forth based purely on intuition.

When I look back at those conversations, the things that stick to my head are how pure we were in the point of we had, how passionate we were, and how hopeful, confident, and sure we were that the side we represented will be proven right. These conversations never led to destroyed friendships nor did it trigger a violent response.

Yet, the most important thing I will always remember and will always be grateful for is that regardless of who I was having this conversation with, never once did anyone say to me, “of course you would say that because you are a Muslim.” and it never occurred to me to say “of course you will say that because you are a Hindu and an Indian citizen”. In the times we live in, that conversation isn’t one that can take place in the ways we did. The fact that my friends on the other side of the conversations never once questioned me being a Muslim as the reason why I would think the way I do. Never once did they think or believe that I meant harm to India because of the points I was making.

Could you imagine that topic ever being discussed publicly nowadays without the audience judging the opposition’s sincerity, honesty and patriotism.

In these times where there is a litany of important issues that are existential to the survival of the human race that needs to be openly and honestly discussed and debated, we are too busy attacking the character and beliefs of the people who are attempting to have the conversations.

What is more sinister and incendiary is that the people who are having these conversations are put through a test to determine whether they are “qualified”. And the criteria set to determine the qualification are near impossible to meet.

Like the time I had a critique of the actions of some Muslims, I had a friend call me an infidel. I couldn’t believe it. So, the next day I text the dude, “yo, did you just call me an infidel?” His response was hypocrisy personified. He replied, “So sorry, bro. I was really drunk last night”. Or the time I criticized Modi’s policies, I got a forceful rebuke from a friend which were ad hominem attacks that basically said,” you are a Muslim therefore you do net get to criticize a Hindu prime minister” and the other being “you are rich. You can never understand what it means to be poor”. As though empathy is exclusive to only those who share the same condition, the same predicament, and the same existence.

For those and many more other reasons, the friends I made in boarding school will be my friends for life. I can’t thank them enough for allowing me to have and participate in the conversations we had without attributing nefarious intent to my point of view. We had open discussions on topics we were ill equipped to have. Yet, we had them and we had a good time doing that.

I am damn sure even now I could have the same conversations with the friends from KPS. The only things that would be different are that we are older, wiser, and better prepared.

The second instance of a conversation that left an indelible mark in my psyche is one I had in 1999 with Athif and another friend of his from Sudan about Tupac Shakur and what made him the GOAT. Even before I witnessed and participated in this conversation. I was a fan of Tupac. I remember being crushed when Pac died and the reason was that with his death meant that we won’t be getting any new music from him. Later on, we learned that Pac had recorded 1000’s of songs in anticipation of his untimely death. He was correct in that assumption.

Where my fandom for Tupac came solely through his music, the conversation I was privy to participate between Athif and his friend who were living in the United States told of what made Tupac the GOAT but also what his demise meant to the black people of America. I was unaware that he was a very talented actor whose first film role as Bishop in Juice was won after an audition without a single song of his has been released yet. The producers had no clue he was a rapper, and they freely admit that had they known Pac was a rapper they would’ve asked him for a song to be put on the soundtrack as all rappers do when they are cast in a movie. The genuine admiration, love, and support they had for Tupac got me so curious that I researched who Pac was independent of music. And, what I found about his short 24 years of life and what he accomplished during that time turned me from a fan of his music to a fan of the man.

His parents were Black Panthers. His mother Afeni Shakur, while being pregnant with Tupac, represented herself in court against attempted murder, conspiracy to commit murder, conspiracy to bomb buildings and conspiracy. She had to win the case because had she lost, she was looking at a 300 year sentence. And win, she did. That is part of the DNA he comes from and the traditions he had to uphold. His passion for his people, his intelligence, and point of view far exceeding someone who is 24 years old. His incredible foresight, and his courage were a delight to find out. It all made sense to me and his life fascinated me. My curiosity reached its zenith when I read somewhere that the loss of Tupac Shakur had a profound effect on the community that he represented that is comparable to the losses of Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X. As I kept reading more and more that sentiment was perfectly understandable.

All this wouldn’t have happened had I not been privy to a conversation between Athif and his friend.

When I met Athif in December 2019 in Malaysia, I told him about it. He was surprised that such a simple conversation has had a huge impact on me. Throughout the night he kept saying, “I can’t believe you remember that”. I did remember and that conversation affected me deeply and I can’t thank the 2 brothers enough.

“It is never the things that we expect to impact us that do. It is often the mundane conversations that acts as the catalyst which leads us to what we have been searching for all along ” Hussain Shiyam, 2021