#The loss of innocence and being able to experience childhood

[crowleycorvid]

Everyone is entitled to their own interps but I think ignoring the tomorrow's tea is lame

[lilac-rose-writes]

do you guys ever think about how penny clings to her memories of innocence and childhood pre-accident to cope and finds so much comfort in simply acting her age, but she's withheld from doing so by her mother for so long that she physically cannot take it anymore, and the moment she breaks free from that, her life is cut so short that she's never able to grow and move past the childhood she lost? :)

there's a potential parallel to be called on with cindy here too. cindy also has the doll for a while, and we see that playing house is one of her favourite games. however, where penny is stripped of the chance to act like a child, cindy takes a child's game and integrates elements of adulthood into it. cindy wants to be mature, and to feel powerful. she likes to be a danger so she carries a knife, she copies the adults around her and tries to get on their level. penny just wants to feel safe. the doll could be some sort of metaphor for protecting their inner child. despite her own experiences, cindy treats her 'daughter' like a kid. penny 'plays' with the doll in a way that's undeniably innocent. but the world they live in doesn't give them time to act like kids, no matter how much they want to.

neither of them get to keep the doll, and if they hold onto it too long they get hurt- which could be representative of how acting their age is quite literally dangerous, and they have no way of holding onto that innocence without being injured or killed.

also- cindy's constant switching of boyfriends correlates with the impermanence of her other experiences. her dad stays and leaves and comes back again. her mom has boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. biscuit's there and then she isn't. same goes for billy, then later for lily in kg2. she goes from school to school to school.

cindy adapts quickly, and doesn't linger on what's gone. she won't date the same person twice. however, there are elements of her life which stay steadfast because she forces them to. cindy doesn't want to be a vegan, but she doesn't give up the diet. nobody tells her to, but she bullies lily every chance she gets. she wears the same hairstyle every day. she clings to biscuit's disappearance because biscuit was hers and biscuit cared.

cindy never lets herself form a close bond with anyone, because the moment she does, they seem to disappear. it's easier to impress the boy of the day and drive away any attempted friendships than it is to deal with another loss, so that's what she does. cindy likes to pretend she has a family. the dolls can't run away. cindy likes to feel wanted, and to feel loved. even the victory of having a boyfriend listen to her is enough for her to feel a little more in control of her life. she's lonely, and refuses to let herself be anything but.

penny, however, wants friends. she tries to make them at every chance she gets, stashing bracelets in her pockets and offering a smile at every chance she gets. penny longs for a connection, to find someone who likes being around her. the other kids think it strange that she's so chirpy, so even aside from the android aspect, she's considered an outcase.

i think that the contrast between cindy being "popular" because she's mean to people and penny being a "weirdo" because she's nice is especially interesting considering that neither of their strategies actually work.

the accident caused by her mother prevents penny from having any chance at a normal childhood, and the subsequent roboticisation of her body makes her a threat to them. she wants to retain her innocence and have friends, but she can't because of outside influences.

cindy actively tries to get people to leave her be, only interested in the company of her latest boyfriend. buggs let himself get attached to her, but cindy refuses to entertain him for long. she's afraid of forming those sort of bonds, so doesn't want to.

penny's forced to shoot, cindy wields her own knife. both of them are alone.

cindy seeks stability and money in her relationship with felix, and he views her as a good investment for applesoft. both of them are mimicking their parents and putting their core beliefs into action. felix prioritises the company and familial expectations over his own desires, and cindy won't let herself form a connection until she's certain it'll last. felix seems like the epitome of stability. he's a billionaire, he likes her back, and he reciprocates her nicknames and sappiness.

penny doesn't mind who connects with her. when kid does, she's overjoyed. but even that still gets her hurt. if the female principal catches kid in the hallway, she says it's suspicious that he's been hanging out with penny, and has him sent to the principal's office. penny is forced to kill her only friend. and if the mission lasts until the end of the day, she's killed by the magnet kid fixed. there's no way for her to win.penny hurts people who get close to her. she's a minion for the person she loves most; her mother sees her as a weapon, so that's what she's made to be, regardless of her own feelings. cindy kills the janitor out of grieving rage after finding out he killed biscuit (biscuit, who meant more to her than any person could). she stabs kid when he doesn't play along, and sends him to the principal when she's mad at him. cindy doesn't care about getting others hurt, and will gladly do so if it means she's left to her own devices or gives her a way to enact vengeance on those who've forced her to be so alone.

neither of them can act their age, because doing so simply isn't safe enough. thank you for coming to my ted talk xx

[chromatic-lamina]

Law couldn't kill his biological parents

Because the government had done it for him. 👇

Doflamingo, on the other hand— ☝️

Law did, however, inadvertently enclose his sibling in a death trap 👇

But, like Cora, he didn't pull the trigger.

(but also, like Doflamingo, he didn't die).

Doflamingo, like Law was not responsible for the loss of his and Rosi's childhood protection and innocence 👇

And Homing seemed to be more ineffectual (at least in the anime) than Law's Dad, although he was up against a LOT, but obviously underprepared. Guess the slaves did all the fighting and defending in Marie Geoise. I don't think it's reason enough to get your brains blown out.

Conversely, Law's dad was proactive and there seemed to be little reason for Law to despise him. His individual actions also hadn't brought on the ire of angry mobs over sustained periods of time, but Law did experience this once h'ed lost everything.

And the people of Flevance were collectively targeted for who they were. Both fathers were generally targeted for what they represented rather than who they were. Likewise, Law, and the Donquixote brothers were targeted in similar ways. All three carried a hereditary affliction, depending on which way you look at it.

BUT I believe that Law deeply wanted to believe both Doflamingo's words about blood ties, and Cora's words about Doflamingo not going to shoot him because he was his brother (despite Cora also saying two chapters previously that Doflamingo would expect Cora to die for him if he consumed the Ope-Ope no Mi, because Doflamingo would expect Cora to perform the eternal youth operation).

I believe that Law wants to believe the words of the brothers, because there was nothing more shocking in the world for him (up to the point of Cora's death) than to have his sister and mother and father (and classmates and teacher) die in front of him. And as said in another meta:

He had stayed behind to look after Lami: An action which ironically saved him from perishing with his classmates, but which might have sealed Lami's fate. I don't think he could imagine deliberately harming his family. Of course, he is 13 on Minion Island, and is not Doflamingo's 28 years of age. (And 10 year old Doflamingo definitely protected Rosi, before he killed their father).

Law did, nonetheless, show that at a young age he was able to inflict harm on fairly random strangers when he shanked Cora, not without provocation (but he paid Buffalo off in ice cream, so the child or the psychopath were both perhaps evident in Law. Seeing as we know canon events, my cash is on the former. Without intervention, though, who knows?) Provocation might have been wearing the name genocide.

But, back to family. Considering how upset Law was with the loss of his family, and understandably how traumatic it is to have a loved one, loved ones, one's whole town, slaughtered in front of you, especially at the age of eight or slightly older (yes, when Doflamingo shot Homing, he was the age that Law was when Flevance fell (10 years), then...

...then I really don't blame Cora for not being head-over-heels in love with his brother. I find claims that Doffy's actions "weren't that bad" puzzling. I think there are some things and states of being that you can just never return to. Violation is violation, and at the age that Cora was (eight-years-old) the effects run deep (but, c'mon, you're in the same room as a killer who happens to be your brother; you're being held by your father, and then you're covered in your father's blood, brains and bone shards? Did his dying body fall on you? And your brother's still holding the gun? And you're eight? Even as an adult, I don't think I'd recover).

Homing should have fought and protected Rosi, though, in this instance, and stepped up as much as he could have, and maybe he did. And, yeah, Doflamingo was seemingly influenced and manipulated by his much older (bar Vergo) executives, but he's the dude holding the smoking gun in the end! I'm not saying he's not a ten-year old victim too, but he's a scary one, especially due to his youth. Others (protagonists) in the One Piece world have escaped ineffective or cruel parenting with far less bloodshed to others or their kin (antagonists, not so much).

I love Doflamingo. He's a fabulous villain with a tragic back story. He's complex, layered and fun to write. And the nature/nurture argument rages hugely with him, and yeah, his pragmatics do make some things good for some people some of the time. But that man knows how to move goal posts, and the posts are booby-trapped.

Anyhoo, maybe this is another dive into the parallels between Law and Doflamingo that veer off into very different paths. And that I love a bat-shit-crazy Donquixote Family AU as much as the next person, BUT I think that Cora was rightly very wary of his brother and that he has/had good reason to be. In canon-verse, if he hadn't died (so AU canon-verse!) I can't see him returning happily back to the Family. True, though. You mess with fire, you get burnt, but Doffy is far from a saint, and I think Cora's aware of that at an intrinsic and self-preserving level.

[kwyw]

Here’s a little something for all the anons you’re getting about Robin from someone who is a parent.

There are just certain feelings and emotions that are so profound and specific to a situation that you can’t even imagine them until you’ve been there. Taylor has expressed this herself previously when she’s talked about writing ‘Soon you’ll get better’. Some things you don’t think about until they’re on your doorstep. Like cancer. Or pregnancy loss. And you certainly don’t have the unique insight into all of the emotions attached to those things until it affects you. I have unfortunately experienced both of them and I can absolutely tell the difference between someone who has been there and someone who’s empathetic to a friend’s experience. You cannot feel other people’s feelings no matter how close you are to them. These are her own experiences.

Parenthood is the same. The viewpoint changes when you are the parent yourself. Yes she’s written about childhood before, a ton in fact. But this is different. Those were songs reminiscent or mournful of her own childhood. Growing up too soon, missing the childhood innocence and screaming at those people that took her girlhood at an early age. That’s what Peter is about. She’s still grappling with that but Robin is very different. This is a parent’s view of a child and if you are not one you might not see that (and that’s fine). It’s one of those ‘you don’t see it until you’re in it’ moments. It’s the level of love where you’d be willing to tether clocks (even though it’s obviously futile) just to keep the sweet innocence a little longer. It’s that “I would do anything for you” love that really only exists between a parent and a child.

It’s also definitely about a boy because tigers/dinosaurs/muddy faces (without being too stereotypical) are very common toddler boy things, I can confirm, I’ve had two. And no mention of dolls houses or princess dresses from her own childhood.

I’m not ever going to defend this song from other people’s interpretations because Taylor clearly wants it disguised, I’m just saying if you are a parent, you know.

Thank you for this message. I’m not a parent myself, but it’s the only way I have ever been able hear it. It’s just so… specific.

[pinkcreamypeach]

Rosalina's final redesign in my au. (Human)

"Waluigi & rosalina "

Here's some more info about them in my au.

In my alternate universe, Waluigi's real name is Jerónimo, and he's a Puerto Rican. Despite being known for his frequent suit stealing and robbing offenses, he had somehow managed to evade punishment. This was most likely because the stolen suits didn't cost that much, and as a result, the authorities chose not to prioritize his case.

Nonetheless, it was still a crime, and Wario would have undoubtedly found it amusing to see Jerónimo behind bars for such petty offenses. He even sported the stolen suits to try and impress Rosalina, which added another layer to the absurdity of the situation.

It seemed as though Jerónimo was simply a master of crime and deception, able to dodge consequences with ease. However, there was no telling how long his streak of good luck would last before he was finally caught.

Rosalina, the powerful and majestic space princess, has remained the same in terms of her personality and powers. However, with certain traumatic events and the passage of time, her character has evolved and now she displays a motherly demeanor, acting as a protective figure to those around her.

In her quest to find the secrets of the universe, Rosalina's powers have developed to include the ability to read the stars. When a constellation appears, Rosalina is able to harness its energy and create new stars, which in turn yield valuable cosmic energy. Furthermore, Rosalina's pyrotechnic powers, when combined with the fire flower, are capable of reaching temperatures of up to 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit, allowing her to manipulate fire and heat in impressive ways.

Despite her extraordinary abilities, Rosalina has also faced her fair share of challenges, including her trauma which has left her with both visible and internal scars. Despite these setbacks, Rosalina has remained committed to her duties and continues to use her powers to help those in need, spreading light and hope wherever she goes.

The young and innocent Rosalina, whose life was forever altered by the devastating loss of half her civilization and her parents, was forced to grow up far too quickly. Left to lead as a queen of the stars, Rosalina amassed vast knowledge and wisdom about the universe, but not much about the world of humans.

Despite this, Rosalina remains a fierce protector, using her newfound leadership skills to ensure the safety and well-being of her people. However, while she may be knowledgeable about the stars and the universe, her understanding of Earth cultures and the concept of romance is limited, as she has only ever experienced the love of family and her children, never having had a chance to fully experience the joys of childhood or the complexities of adult relationships.

Rosalina and Waluigi's relationship in this alternate universe is a complex one, as they started out as complete strangers before gradually developing romantic feelings for each other. They would often meet under the moonlight, alone, where Rosalina's beauty and voice would captivate Waluigi.

Over time, their conversations revealed their similar experiences with losing beloved parents, causing Waluigi's fake personality to fade away, allowing his true self to shine through. As he opened up to Rosalina, he gradually let go of his fake persona and became more genuine, revealing his insecurities and feelings to her.

Rosalina found Waluigi intriguing due to his appearance, and his true self began to emerge, causing them to relate on a deeper level. Despite their romantic feelings for each other, the two have yet to act on them, but their connection only grows stronger with each passing night spent in each other's company.

The blossoming love between the two characters is a gradual and inconspicuous process, and they are both oblivious to their developing feelings for some time. It is only much later in their friendship, when they have both grown closer and had the opportunity to know each other better, that they start to realize their true feelings.

Despite the slow pace of their journey towards love, their friendship has served as a foundation for deeper emotions to form, and they find comfort and peace in each other's presence.

(Next post will about mareach and Luaisy children)

@bberetd @maceincognito @house-of-xiii @magnas27 @peaches2217 @awesomewolf27

[ninadove]

Hello, all respectfully, may I ask, why do you want emilie to be dead? I mean adrien deserves to have his mom back, don’t you think? You can answer it thru private chat if it makes you more comfortable.

No that’s perfectly fine! I love getting a chance to overanalyse and write down my own thoughts! 📝

So, I have a complicated relationship with Emilie as a character, but I don’t hate her by any means. I do believe she is a lot less pure and innocent than we were first led to believe, but that makes her much more compelling, so as far as I’m concerned it’s a great writing choice.

The reason I think she should be dead, or more accurately, stay dead (the nuance is crucial), is simply storytelling.

As fun as the show is, it is also pretty serious when it wants to be, and these 5 seasons were written with a couple of core messages in mind:

Part of the experience of being human is to accept that there is no magical solution to our problems. Sometimes things don’t work out, sometimes we lose the people we care about; and actions bring consequences, always. This is why using the Peacock carries such a heavy toll, even after it is fixed, and why the Lucky Charm primarily relies on Marinette’s intelligence and creativity (characteristically human qualities) rather than being an automatic problem solver.

Whenever these losses occur — you have to move on. Staying stuck in the past means depriving yourself of a chance to enjoy the present and plan for the future. All of the events of these 5 seasons were triggered by Gabriel’s inability to accept the concept of death, and by his attempts to drag all of Paris down the pits of grief (symbolised by the akuma attacks) with him — starting with his own son.

Of course, Adrien deserves to be happy and loved! And Emilie herself explains how it can happen:

By letting her go.

Adrien is an extremely strong and loving kid who, unlike his father, is able to shoulder the pain while still opening himself up to the world. Gabriel trying to bring Emilie back did nothing to fix the sorrow his son had to deal with; in fact, it cost him his other parent and a normal childhood in the process.

But the thing is — Adrien does not need Emilie anymore.

He has a girlfriend who loves him so much she gave his dad one last chance to make the right choice, despite all the pain he caused (and will likely continue to cause from the grave). He has a cousin who loves him so much he was willing to burn the world down, then help fix it to protect him. He has amazing friends who supported him through this entire ordeal (special shout-out to Nino, who has been on Gabriel’s case since S1 E9), even when he did not feel comfortable enough to share the full extent of the abuse he was going through. He has Amelie and Nathalie, who will provide him with the motherly love he needs in his life, and Tom and Sabine, who are already packing him his breakfast every morning because they’ve carved him a place in their family and hearts. Also, he has a cheese-eating demon who lives in his pocket.

No one is entitled to raising the dead, and Adrien would never even consider it. But he does deserve love and care and happiness, things his father deprived him of in his senseless quest to defy the laws of nature — things he was able to build for himself because he chose to be kind and vulnerable despite his grief.

Season 6 will be terrible on him, but he will come back stronger on the other side. And in doing so, he will send an important message to the core audience of the show: young children who will sooner or later have to mourn a loved one themselves, but will know they can be OK thanks to his example.

And you know, sometimes us adults need a little reminder too. 💚

[ww2yaoi]

incoherent sidsledge ramblings under the cut

I could just be projecting characterization onto him — I don't know — but a really interesting (possible?) aspect of sid's character to me is the guilt he might feel over eugene. like I think about eugene who's older than sid but who was sick as a child so he kind of has this perpetual boyhood and innocence about him in the beginning. and I think about sid who's seventeen years old and gets his parents' permission to join the marine corps after pearl harbour and he's so eager to grow up. and eugene isn't able to grow up with him because of this heart murmur he carries with him from childhood. and I think about how sid doesn't wait for him, like for all of his talk of wanting to go together he doesn't wait

so sid goes off to war and he changes, he sees things, and I know in real life sid told eugene not to join up. so finally the murmur is gone and eugene goes off to war too, and he's a mortar man just like sid, and he's going to see things just like sid did. and I think sid can't handle it. he can't handle eugene being his mirror like that and following in his footsteps. he's been away, he's lost his virginity and become a man, he's killed, and there's all this distance between them. and eugene might die yet. and sid can’t protect him. eugene’s war has just started while sid's is ending. he didn’t wait for him. and I don't think sid could face all that so that's why he threw eugene's poetry book away. he's abandoning him and trying to forget about it because he's partly why eugene is there

so eugene experiences his war and goes through, um, All That and then he comes home and sid has moved on, or at least he's tried to. but eugene is a reminder of everything that's happened, and what it was like before, and sid loves him so he can't fully push him away. when eugene doesn't stuff the war down like everyone else, however, when he doesn't move on and he lingers and he refuses to wear his uniform for social clout and he won't dance with any girls, sid can't handle that. so he tells eugene to forget because that's his coping mechanism. I think sid feels guilt over eugene's loss of innocence so in order to avoid those unpleasant feelings he's trying to forget eugene too

sorry if this makes no sense 😁✌️

[dchuntress]

cw for unedited ramblings, extremely subjective views, comic spoilers, and triggering topics pertaining to CSA |

this is my personal interpretation/idea really, but i feel that helena bertinelli's grief and anger are more than what meets the eye, and in many ways, misplaced.

it's natural to assume that her "tragic backstory" was how her family died and she was the sole survivor, which i don't deny of course is an EXTREMELY hurtful and traumatic thing to experience at that age, being helpless and leaving with that lack of closure and insurmountable survivor's guilt and the nagging question of "why? why me?"

however, whenever i read her stories, there's an undercurrent of fury, heartbreak, and sorrow in her stories, especially in her internal monologues; a persistent, unshakable anger that seems directed at something larger, something harder to name, something she wants to unleash on predators — those people who exploit on innocent lives in any way. a sort of anger that did not go away even when she avenged her family's massacre by making their killer face the consequences; a sort of loss that is extremely irreversible, a sort of upset that can't ever be healed.

this is hugely influenced by my reading of huntress (1989), as well as huntress: year one — in 1989, we learn that helena is a victim of csa at just six years. in year one, we see this scene where the hitman terrifies a young helena and rips out her cross and takes it away from her, frightening her in the process; as an adult, she takes the cross back — which feels symbolic, like she's reclaiming something she knows she was never meant to lose — and she cuts his tongue out so that he'd never call anybody a little girl again. in year one also, we see that monica is just sixteen, yet she's also getting victimised by nino angelo. when helena fails to protect monica from him by standing up for her, she puts an end to it all by inflicting violence on him, the only language monsters like him can understand.

my point is; i think helena's loss for the majority part is something abstract, something she can't put into words; she didn't have the words for it as a young child, and she is scared to have the words for it as a grown up.

she has always known that her life was never going to go smoothly either way; her life has been molded by this pervasive sort of unfairness and violation.

she wants to be a saint, but her very existence is a reminder of betrayal; in cry for blood, we find out that helena is the product of an extramarital affair, with her biological father being her family's killer on top of all that. did she do the right thing by making him pay, or did she go against what is supposed to be her nature?

this sort of insurmountable, fundamentally irreversible loss has been following her when she was just a young kid, yet to have experienced anything of the world at all; she was damaged before she could know what freedom feel like, she had to know death and murder before she could live, her life was destroyed before it even began. how do you write the eulogy for a dysfunctional family, a stolen childhood, and a fractured sense of self that never even got to develop in the first place?

and she was able to finally place her inherent anger and grief on something tangible; the murder of her family, with the inherent unfairness of why she was not killed that day. the annihilation of her family was not the beginning of it all, but rather, the breaking point; the point of emergence. her anger cannot be extinguished easily because she carries the weight of a broken world she knows from the very start she can't fix, she's doomed to lose against and die to, but she will keep on shouldering that weight every day, fighting everyday to do what she knows is right with every fiber of her beating heart. she survived, she outlived, she took lives; they are her weaknesses and her strengths in equal parts. but most importantly, she is alive, and regardless of what that means or measures or weighs, she has to go on. her story is far from over.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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155. Red Fox Road by Frances Greenslade--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

While I enjoyed RED FOX ROAD, I found it weirdly difficult to sit and not let my mind wander while I read. Normally, survival books have me in a chokehold, but it unfortunately took me a while to get fully hooked by this story.

But with that being said, I DID enjoy the story. I found it incredibly fascinating how this child was able to survive in a situation where most adults would be forever lost. The level of preparation she had was incredible and admirable. There were, of course, instances where he age came through in her loneliness and memories, and those were the moments where it made it even more incredible that she was so prepared.

Alongside her modern struggles to survive, we also get flashbacks full of grief and a mother with a complicated mental health history. The image we see of a happy family, bickering over being lost, slowly evaporates as we learn more and more about their past and present circumstances.

I may have also felt an incredible sense of loss and sadness by the end of this book.

RED FOX ROAD is a great book, not just for the survival aspects, but because it dealt with so many important issues that I think a lot of younger readers would benefit from.

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156. In Memoriam by Alice Winn--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I should just hand Alice Winn my heart because she already tore it out of my chest with IN MEMORIAM.

Listen, I knew this was going to be beautiful and that it was going to destroy me, but it doesn't make it any easier when it DOES EXACTLY what I predicted would happen. This book was beautiful, emotional, jarring, and unapologetic. Winn didn't hold back her punches and it shows wholly.

IN MEMORIAM follows two young boys (who are merely on the cusp of manhood) when World War One begins, causing the death of not only so many boys they know, but their innocence and childhood. I'm not saying that this book is the end-all for information about WWI, but some of the things I learned made me so mad and heartbroken. Especially the women who would give those stupid white feathers.

It was so eye-opening seeing the relationships between all of the boys when they were in private school, but also later seeing how those relationships played out in the real world. There were definitely some heartbreaking moments that happened with those boys that didn't directly relate to the MCs.

One of the most memorable aspects of Winn's novel was how she didn't shy away from the gorier aspects of war. No one was safe in her writing--one moment you're laughing with one character, and the next it's being described how he was blown up, or his head rolled off into a ditch. This book is hard to stomach for that aspect, but I think it made it for an even more memorable read.

The romance between the two MCs was one of those that constantly has the faintest heartbeats, with the occasional rapid palpitations. I think that was the best way for these two to have a lasting love for each other during such a tumultuous time (especially when their love was illegal).

Finally, another one of my favourite things about this book is how the two MCs create their own lives and live their own experiences after a certain point. They have the opportunity to show who they are and grow as characters before their love can continue.

Definitely one of my favourite books of the year. I want to re-read this one day and mark the hell out of my physical copy (I did the audiobook this time around). Such a powerful read.

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157. Done & Dusted by Lyla Sage--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

DONE & DUSTED is one of those romances that is simple, straight to the point, and is just a bit uncomplicated until the very end. I'm a simple romance girly, so I love romance books like this.

The best part of this book is how this went from enemies to lusty lovers in a blink of an eye. And while normally I'm not a fan of insta-romances, I think this one felt different because while the attraction felt like a "lightning struck" moment, these two characters have a history. They've known each other for years (through the FMC's brother), so it's not like an instant attraction with a stranger. Lyla Sage cut right through the longwinded bullshit of internal debate and just gave us a MMC who immediately knew he wanted to sleep with his best friend's younger sister.

I also liked the homey feeling of this book. I love books where the MCs have this strong sense of home and belonging, so no matter what happens they will always have a place to fall back on. Also, it takes away the opportunity for any bullshit because the characters are so unapologetic about where they belong.

The spice was good, but not abundant. The relationships with the side characters were good and added just enough of a deeper layer to the story.

DONE & DUSTED isn't the most memorable romance, but it was a good time. I liked how straightforward it was and how there wasn't a third act breakup. It was just a lusty and angsty good time, while being surrounded by cowboys.

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158. The Prospects by K.T. Hoffman--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE PROSPECTS was a breath of fresh air because I loved the way both of these characters had their own internal battles to fight, and that the love interest had a heavy case of anxiety (considering how rarely we get stories where the hunky love interest is anxiously walking through life).

The representation was great and I really appreciated that the author started the story with a disclaimer that this was more of an optimistic Trans sports romance. I extra appreciated this because constantly reading Queer stories with heaping spoonfuls of homophobia and transphobia can be overwhelming (and I say this as a cis woman), and I just want these characters to get their happy endings and the uncomplicated romances that so many cis and straight couples get in these stories.

But I also liked that while this is definitely a more hopeful romance, this is also something that explores and presents an honest view into the life of an athlete. I especially liked the comment of how sometimes winning a game is truly about luck and how even though one can be at the top, they can mess up, too.

I really enjoyed this romance and the heavy sexual tension between the MC and his love interest.

Star taken off because of certain instances where I wanted to punch a character. And because despite this being an intriguing story, it felt a little long. Either way, this was still an enjoyable read!

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159. Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will always be blown away by Sookie's character arc in this series. The way she grows so much through her experiences, to the point where she is wholly different and more mature in her reactions to things, is so impressive.

I think this is another one of my favourites because of the way the mystery is weaved into the story and that reveal. I never saw any of that coming or building up in any of the previous books. I also feel like we got some closure with some of the characters from the past books.

The story is clearly gearing up for the final book in the series AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I can't believe I'm finishing the penultimate book in this series. It's been a year and I am so proud.

Now to wait for the last book from the library!

___

160. Older by Jennifer Hartmann--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love age-gap romances. I've always enjoyed them (within reason, of course). Of all the age-gap romances I've read, OLDER is probably one of the ones that I've read that truly considers the others who would be brought into the relationship and which had that history of abuse (for one character) that explains a bit more of how the FMC gained the interest in older men. It's not a sleazy, sex-crazed, and single-minded read. OLDER has so many layers to it that it was impossible to put down.

Jennifer Hartmann is one of those authors who write so well that you know your reading life is about to change. Her books are really hard to put down and they make you question not just your morals, but if you seriously should consider therapy. Of the three books I've read by her, this is probably my favourite, but all three have been impactful.

OLDER is definitely not for everyone. It explores a relationship that is highly questionable, especially by societal standards, but I think was done in an artful way. The relationship between the FMC and her best friend's father is a slow burn as the connect beyond anything sexual. There is so much emotion and heart in this book, and the FMC's past is so fraught with pain that I honestly just wanted the best for her.

This reminded me a bit of BIRTHDAY GIRL because both books explored the complex relationship between the couple before anything truly sexual happens, building that foundation that is needed for a relationship to survive the judgment of society. I think that more often than not, these relationships (in real life) are predatory--and trust me, I can sense it when I read certain books that have an age-gap, but give me the biggest of icks--but sometimes you get beautiful relationships like this one that consider so much more than the physical.

The relationship between the FMC and her best friend was also so sweet, but I can also understand how complicated it all was--especially since the FMC felt deeply for her adoptive family. This family and the steps the FMC takes to better herself were truly the best healing this character could have asked for. I loved it all!

I loved OLDER and I love Hartmann's writing. This was definitely one of my favourite reads of the month!

___

161. Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will give Meryl Wilsner this: her romance books are absolutely filthy.

As I'm writing this review, I am picturing that one locker room scene and I just, wow. CLEAT CUTE isn't overtly spicy, but when the spice gets going it is HOT. The way it's written is so vivid that it made me wish I could switch places with one of these characters because, damn.

Anyway, this is my second Wilsner novel and while I enjoyed MISTAKES WERE MADE more, I could appreciate this one for what it was. I was hooked from the beginning and loved watching this grouchy soccer superstar fall for her rookie teammate. Watching her slowly melt and be so confused as to why she's caring more about her teammate was adorable.

The rookie FMC was a ball of energy and as someone who isn't so high energy, I can understanding how she might be an exhausting character. But as one reads and learns more about the character, one might be able to further understand why the character is the way she is. I think once I had more context clues, I started to appreciate her and understand her. I have people in my life who are as high energy as this character and while some days are more tiring than others, I will always love their enthusiasm and excitement.

I also loved that this was about the world of female soccer. It's so under-represented in fiction, so it's always a breath of fresh air. Also, I loved the cast of characters and wish I could explore this world further!

I need to read more from this author because phew, she's good.

___

162. High Wizardry by Diane Duane--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love these books in theory, but sometimes I wonder how different a middle schooler's brain was back when this was first published. There were so many science terms and science situations that my brain noped out so many times. I am 100% not a science person and these books are always reminding me of that, LOL.

The adventure itself was fun and I loved that the MC's sister is now a part of their magical world, but holy hell the lingo. It was like reading A WRINKLE IN TIME all over again.

I'm continuing this series even though my brain doesn't understand half of the lingo. Also, this is starting to feel more like a teen series than middle grade one.

___

163. Call it What You Want by Brigid Kemmerer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I've been trying to read more books off my shelves this year and CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT has been living on my shelves for a very long time. I'm happy I finally got to it because phew, was that a great read.

We follow two teenagers after their lives have been changed completely either through their own actions, or the actions of those around them. And while they are navigating their battles with guilt, depression, grief, and inability to trust, another character introduces another situation into the mix. There was so much depth on offer with CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT, that it felt like I was over-full by the end of the story.

The way the two MCs worked off each other worked well because they taught each other some pretty important lessons about assumptions and different kinds of loneliness. I also thought their relationship brought some levity to the admittedly darker aspects of the book.

I thought the pacing was great and I found it super easy to read this one (physically) in a day. It's such a compelling story that I didn't want to put it down. I wanted to see certain characters get what they deserved (which was SO satisfying), and others have the awakening they needed to be able to move forward with their lives.

Also, I want to say that the level of forgiveness in this book between characters will always be impressive--especially since there was seemingly so little of it at the beginning of the book.

___

Have you read any of these books? What were your thoughts?

___

Happy reading!

[mistfallengw2]

In honor of Pride Month, here's a rapidfire ramble about my OCs' orientations and how those and their actual preferences play off with their personalities and shape key moments of their story. Bonus context for my hc on queerness in Tyria.

Aurelia Dragonwings - Pansexual homoromantic Girls are pretty. I mean, boys are neat too, but she only ever had eyes for Ardea and later on Ellara, and that clear preference never had her experiment with the other side. The one and only experience she had with a guy was with her best friend Obsius, specifically when Ardea wanted to have a cub and she took one round "just to try it", only to end up having a cub as well (Adamas is an oopsie baby, yes). In general, labels are very confusing to her and the topic of romance held a lot of grief for years, so she would avoid answering any question on the matter, but if someone were to ask her friends, they'd just say she "doesn't know she's lesbian for someone".

Adamas Crystalsoul - Pansexual He's a pretty boy with great pedigree and had waves of people interested in him, but in the fahrar he was too focused on becoming Legionnaire to entertain childhood crushes, and then his heart got snatched away by Maeveryl before he even considered romance an option, still recovering from the loss of his would-be warband. Countless hearts got crushed by the fact that the Pact Commander's son was open about dating a sylvari and being loyal to them, yet Deryn somehow managed to woo the guy (only because Maeveryl sometimes quite literally pushed him towards her). Overall he has a feminine and androgynous preference, though like his mother he never had a proper chance to explore romance with guys.

Tocchix - Demisexual panromantic (trans guy) He spent most of his teenage years feeling sort of inadequate for romance because he never felt "the full pull" towards anyone (not helped by the comparison to a serial crush-haver like Fynn, his best friend in Lion's Arch), so he preferred to focus on training hard and join the Order of Whispers, figuring that it'd be a problem for his older self. Terrible at picking up on flirting attempts and needing to have it very slowly and clearly spelled out for him, he missed a ton of chances with many, and that was not helped by the fact that when he falls for someone, he becomes the definition of devotion, not seeing anyone else even to his detriment. He only ever fell for Iotta, Poffi and, many years later, Huki.

Maeveryl - Panromantic asexual (non-binary) While they are pan, they do have a strong preference for masculinity, or better, a general aversion towards feminine behavior and appearance. They had their first experience with romance with their saplinghood best friend, Morwen, and they quickly figured out femininity wasn't really for them, both for their own body and in a partner. After that, they only had another experience that ended bitterly, and then Adamas became their heart. Years later, when Deryn joins their relationship with Adamas, they don't share romantic feelings for each other, though they quickly become quite platonically affectionate with each other.

Ellara Echodancer - Homosexual Just lesbian. Girls gals girls. Only women of all kinds. She's totally not a hot mess, because she's got rizz and isn't afraid to use it, even just to have a little innocent flirty fun that totally isn't a distraction.

Hel Ravenlost - Homosexual G g girls... pr... etty... Don't worry, after losing Sieran without having been able to tell her how she felt for years, she does get better at not completely hiding her feelings. Luck isn't on her side, but third time's the charm, I swear!

Bunnie - Pansexual demiromantic (non-binary) She likes to sleep around, so anyone willing and compatible (both personality-wise and physically) is fair game for her to have a little no-strings-attached fun. As for the romantic side, I elaborated on it a bit here, but in short she does want romantic relationships and isn't afraid of showing the kind of interest in others that could lead to that, but she always had issues with developing feelings of the romantic kind and having them last, so she tends to coyly hide behind a bit of an emotionally-nonchalant facade until she feels safe to love someone.

Ethanryel - Asexual aromantic (agender) Just never felt anything of either kind of attraction, and that's very much fine for them. Bunnie once explained queerplatonic relationships to them, but that ended up being a sore point for them. The closest thing to that could have been their bond with Grace, a Zephyrite gal who had taught them a lot about healing and voiced for them to join the Zephyrite on their last travel. She had a pretty evident crush on them yet she was the first that didn't make them uncomfortable, but before they got to talk about anything of that matter, she was mortally wounded in the crash in Dry Top, and they never forgave themselves for not having been able to save her. Years later, when Aurene branded their arm to save them, Ethanryel took the title of Grace of Aurene in memory of their friend.

Deryn - Pansexual Gender doesn't matter to her, if one is a nice and hot charr, they're a nice and hot charr. Probably if Mae were a charr she'd have made a move on them as well, but after the initial fascinated curiosity towards the very concept of sylvari, only strong platonic feelings towards them are left.

Markus Blake - Bisexual Due to his parents being in a queerplatonic relationship and being told since really young that he'd have assured the freedom to choose they nearly didn't get (Nora and Lionel were childhood best friends who married each otherso that they could have the kid they both did want and be done with further family expectations, with her being lesbian and him aroace), he never really thought much of romance, thinking he'd just know when he found "the one". When he met Kai, he thought he'd found that one and hoped she'd eventually return his feelings for years, failing at being clear with her about it while ignoring what he felt towards Fynn, the best friend he had found at the same time. It took him a while, but, by what felt just short of divine intervention, he eventually figured out that the "one" was actually "two".

Nari - Bisexual homoromantic Gals is where it's at. She does find feminine people hot in general and had a few experimental flirts across the gender spectrum, but proper relationships are something she knows she wants only with gals. She believes that such kind of strong confidence in her own ideas was what caught Hel's attention in spite of not being norn, not realizing that Hel prefers non-norn until much later.

Iotta - Pansexual demiromantic Her opinion of romance is that it sucks, like all that comes with it. Sure, people can be hot in ways that make sense from a biological standpoint, but for her whole life she couldn't imagine willingly being in a relationship, because everyone else is grossly incompetent and, at best, more annoying than what she could deal with on a daily basis. Being in a relationship with a dork like Tocchix only confirmed that she hates it, because that kind of implicit vulnerability and distracting fondness for someone else goes against everything she knows to be safe, and she utterly despises the fact she wants more of it and that she played herself into it by getting that brilliant idea of manipulating him in the first place. And then being "left behind" shattered any positive perception of romance nearly irreparably, and it drives her mad that she can't get that yearning blade out of her heart so it can rot in peace. So yeah, romance sucks, and it sucks that she fell for it that one time.

Poffi - Demisexual biromantic Growing up in a small krewe that was part of the same polyamorous pod for years and that treated her like their own progeny, she was exposed to plenty of relationship examples, so she thought she had a pretty clear idea of what she was like by the time she left home to join the Order. Sadly she never got the chance to test her theories due to her general insecurities, and she also missed the pretty important part where maybe some girls can be just as romanceable as guys. (hey, at least AU!Poffi gets to go through quite the poly rollercoaster)

Daunte Burstspell - Homosexual He's a simple charr: he liked his guys hot like his fire, and life was not a little fun without the risk of burns. Verge was his flame since childhood, and they openly shared their warmth with many others. Daunte continued doing so after losing him, and even though it was never the same, he did genuinely care for the young norn he so gleefully annoyed to no end.

Hagan Wesson - Pansexual Forced to run away from Hoelbrak and break up with his childhood sweetheart, Gretna (Hel's sister), he eventually tried to get over it in some way, and ended up having some... positively revealing experiences. Swinging for years between times where he wanted to enjoy himself without attachment and others where he tried to ignore everything else to focus on his duty in the Vigil, after Daunte's death he's been more open about enjoying other people's company, and eventually ended up being reunited with Gretna after he had already settled with Flom.

Flom - Pansexual Good thing he likes everything and is quick to like others, because he genuinely believed "beggars can't be choosers" for the longest time. Even better thing, he now has people he likes and who chose him first (and a demon in his head who regularly calls him out on bs he should unlearn).

Zehmik - Homosexual (masculine non-binary) Guys are just neat, sorry gals. Lost count of how many flings he entertained during his years in the Mist War, always keeping feelings at arms' length due to the risky nature of their situation and a heartbreak he never recovered from. The occasional experiment only confirmed his very serious case of gay gay homosexual gay.

Edraas Noiza - Asexual aromantic (?) Due to being a highly experimental hybrid, its body is a biological mess that may have yet to fully mature and its perception of emotions is different from that of all other sentient species, so the concept of romance or anything of that nature is downright alien to it.

Lenorey - Asexual ?romantic She doesn't really get what the big deal about romance is, not beyond just preferring someone's company over others', while sex is just an activity that can be fun. In general she cared more about getting high off of toxins, so it's all of little interest to her. Now, finding a weird little asura that is literally toxic, gives you more toxins as part of the experiments she asked to perform on you, and you get just a little bit high when you kiss her? Maybe that's what love feels like.

[richwater]

Summary of Alvaro's psychological profile and explanation of his disorders and their origin [I had nothing better to do and the drawing turned out well, sorry if my English is bad, I'm just learning :]

WARNING ⚠️: some sensitive topics and please do not self-diagnose, I am only creating the psychological profile for your entertainment and more information about my character, I tried to investigate well but I may not be right, please find a professional if you have any of these symptoms, your mental health is very important to everyone :(

1. Derealization

Origin:

He comes from a life marked by trauma since childhood, such as the loss of his parents and the disappearance of his sister [Olga Montoya, he doesn't really know if she's still alive, it all happened too fast and she went to another foster home, but oh surprise she never made it to that house and no one, not even the church itself, knows her whereabouts currently]. This left him in a constant state of struggling to understand his surroundings, feeling disconnected from reality at critical moments. Derealization is a form of psychological defense against the pain and uncertainty of one's life.

Symptoms:

Feeling that the world is not real or that you are separate from your own body. You may experience episodes where you feel emotionally disconnected from others or your environment, especially during times of high stress.

2. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Origin:

His experience as a Catholic in his adopted home and doctor was marked by abuse and manipulation, both from people who took advantage of his kindness and from the violence he faced. And the guilt of not being able to save more people or make difficult decisions has haunted him.

The murder of her brother and her failure to protect him is also a central trauma.

[Álvaro's younger brother (Erich Montoya) suffered from sickle cell anemia, a severe type of this, because of this he had decreased oxygen and the affectation of cerebral blood flow can trigger seizures, Severe anemia reduces the amount of oxygen carried by the blood. The brain needs a constant supply of oxygen to function properly. In extreme cases, lack of oxygen could cause seizures, although this is rare, but Álvaro's brother was classified as possessed then his adoptive parents began to practice rituals and exorcisms and he died in one of these, BUT BE CAREFUL do not take this seriously, I investigated and asked my mother who is a doctor but these are only rare and scarce cases but the context of the situation where Álvaro lived was why his situation worsened to this point, he had to travel far from his town to study his career and it could take days that is why he could not take care of his brother :(]

His life in Dutch's gang, facing questionable morality and constant violence, perpetuated this state.

Symptoms:

Recurring nightmares and flashbacks of traumatic events.

Hypervigilance (always alert and ready to react to any danger).

Irritability and emotional outbursts, especially when you feel your environment is not under control.

Moments of emotional isolation as a way of protecting oneself from pain. [Yes, he has avoidant attachment but he is a lovely person when he gives you the chance]

3. Religious Guilt

Origin:

Raised in an environment with strong religious values, Alvaro had faith in God but not in people. However, his life has led him to question both his faith and his morality.

He believes his inability to save his brother, his patients, or even the innocent in his life as an outlaw is a divine punishment or a test he has not passed.

Despite his doubts, he maintains a nostalgic bond with his faith, seeing it as a lost refuge to which he feels he cannot return. [Ah feels guilty for being bisexual but is already working on that]

Symptoms:

He feels that his bad decisions have doomed not only his life, but also the lives of others.

He experiences internal conflicts between good and evil, between duty and selfishness.

He uses small rituals or reminders (such as silent prayers or saint medals) as a way to deal with his guilt. [For a while he punished himself but then he began to improve to be a better person and not be self-destructive] The saints that he could identify with or at least respect are: San Martín de Porres represents humility, service to others and compassion towards the most disadvantaged, Lady of Luján (Patron saint of Argentina), San Cristóbal patron saint of travelers and protector of those who face difficult roads, Santa Teresa de Ávila and last San Judas Tadeo as a saint of impossible causes.

Conclusion of the Psychological Profile [which I did while riding the bus home]

Alvaro is a person deeply marked by his experiences, struggling with a constant internal conflict but he has his good and bad parts for example:

Strengths: Despite his emotional baggage, he demonstrates incredible resilience, humor, and ability to care for others. His connection with Hosea and the rest of the camp [I'm planning to make a mind map so you can see what his relationship is like with each one] and his willingness to improve as a person are signs of hope in his life.

Weaknesses: He tends to isolate himself emotionally, experiences aggressive outbursts under pressure, and struggles with the guilt that follows him since his youth, he is claustrophobic [oh and he hates Swason not for who he is, but because he represents everything that Alvaro has had to fight, addictions, religion and an authoritarian religious figure that he hates the most]

[But he is a good person, his specialty is making roast meat at 3 in the morning and waking everyone up by throwing a piece of coal in their face while he spreads the plate]

[mastermindmp3]

Submitted for evidence for today's minutes: a dialogue between department member Cassandra (queendomkey) and Swift-by-Osmosis and honorary member Jean, who lacks a tumblr. Because they have a real life, or something.

Jean began the dialogue by bringing to motion a quote from My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys:

Jean: You can take this as a metaphor for him giving her attention or, for treating her roughly or, for taking her virginity... There's just such a tone there that feels like a loss of innocence, that she's still kind of clinging to the illusion of through the extended metaphor of being a toy.

J: It feels like grieving for the inner child stolen by a man who chose to play with a young girl's heart and throw it away.

Cassandra: Oh! I like that!

J: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys rips my heart out and stomps on it, and this one line [is why] "cause he took me out of my box" That's it. That's it. The delivery sounds like she's [going to] cry. Like the speaker is so unwilling to let go of this man because he was the first one that made her feel wanted... Even if he uses her and breaks her, he's still her first and that means more to her than it does to him.

C: It’s also the only song on the album (outside of the title track) to use the word tortured.

C: I feel like that's tied to the ways that girls are made to grow up faster, to take the stones thrown by boys who 'love them.' Her heart has been tortured before the song happened ( he stole her tortured heart, after all, he wasn't a part of this torture. ) and so she's come to, in a way, accept this kind of treatment. Clings to it like a toy, like a childhood object.

J: Exactly. Especially through the metaphor that she is the toy. This man-- older than her by implication-- was still immature enough to treat her as an object, and she accepted that role. Because that's what boys do: they pull your pigtails because they love you, and girls don't make a scene, so they might as well be passive objects."

C: Yes.

C: Changing topics a little, "took me out of my box" can be seen as syndeoche for like... making her experience something new, pushing her out of her comfort zone. I think a lot of the songs in TTPD are songs that are specifically about feelings in the moment, rarely with hindsight.

(At this point, Jean paused the discussion to research 'syndeoche,' referring to Cassandra as a "Well read motherfucker." xoxo.)

Jean pointed out that this can be read as a dramatic irony, as the audience knows the speaker's infatuation won't last, that they are in denial of what's to come.

J: [The speaker is] a girl we've all known or been before. Someone you'd drive away if you'd tell her you think he's bad for her, but you just want to hug her.

The conclusion:

Jean sees the song as "An exercise in empathy for a person people often snap to judge in real life." That, those in the Speaker's life may need to be "someone she can talk to without being judged while she works through those feelings in her own time. Someone safe that won't lecture her and drive her back to the unsafe one."

Cassandra believes that My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys is "A desperate song underneath it's toy-like trappings." After all, the Speaker has rationalized that her Boy only runs because he "loves her," that he only breaks his favorite toys. Leaving half moon imprints on her Boy's thigh, as the Speaker clings to a love that no longer exists. Though it's hard, being able to empathize with her is something the song pushes us to do.

[messermouser]

My Incredibly Long List of Tropes/Characters/Themes I Like

When I obsess over something in the media I consume I write it here, and I forget how much inspiration I get from reading it so here you go. Any good recommendations with most of these or additions to the list are always appreciated. Also I have so many more of these that I've never written down I can do more IF YOU MAKE ME. IF I HAVE TO. IF YOU FORCE ME TO DO IT I GUESS I'LL DO IT. If not then sick.

Childhood friends

Rivals. Academic? Siblings? One has an advantage? They help each other? take your pick any rivalry works.

Going to each other for comfort because nobody else understands

Two leads are groups leaders- one very apparently in charge the other their supporter

Lead who falls off the tracks “What happened to you?” “I gave up, and if you knew what’s best for you… you’d give up too”

Head and the Heart

FOREHEAD KISS

One adorable but cold, the other stern but soft

Good and Evil in love because who is which depends on who you ask

Comedic relief kills someone and then apologizes 

NOW OR NEVER KISS

Mmm almost kiss

“Fuck you bitch” “Uh nobody has ever talked to me like that because they’re too afraid to, I’m really into it?”

“You show me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else”

“You rely on wit and people die on it”

“You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you”

A Fast “yes?” after someone answers yes to a question the character was afraid to ask

REUNION AHHHH wit a hug :(((

“Oh god. Fuck. Oh god he’s dead. No.”

Anything compared thematically to dogs

Religious trauma as daddy issues

Dead birds/Butterflies/deer/animals compared to specific characters foreshadowing their death or danger

Anything Icarus coded

Cain and Able type siblings

FAMILY and devotion

Family as a cult

Tragedy just when the characters think they won

Manipulation changing a characters internal monologue

Including deaths that change everything

Including deaths that change nothing

Obsessive Love from a trauma-bond that makes characters worse

Obsessive Love from a trauma-bond that keeps characters alive

Eyes as a horror element

Love/Life/Death compared to any of the cosmos

The intimacy of having a moment only two people know about

Love as servitude and worship

Doomed from the start characters who realize it and die by choice

Fatal Flaws actually being Fatal (So Icarus tea)

Characters literally being killed by the one thing they wanted

Royalty/Power as a curse

Flowers as life and innocence

Off Topic but Characters that acknowledge that what’s happening to them isn’t fair but fight anyways

Emotional pain as physical sickness

Characters without a choice being blamed for the things they do to survive

Characters seeing the thing they’re fighting against in themselves or their allies and how they deal w/ it

Multiple traumas in quick succession and how each character copes

Human characters in stressful situations reverting to animal instincts, almost savage, and learn what they’re capable of

Pressure to uphold an image as their reflection in the mirror the character doesn’t trust to be real. Flaws magnified

Hyper-sexuality as a form of control

Physical items with emotional significance that they’d die to protect

Love as just another power the character can’t control

Ok fine cannibalism as love

The past a character can never escape from

Humanizing everything as a symptom of being human (empathy)

Characters going against their ethics/beliefs for love

Characters who are alone realizing they’ve found a family

Sexuality as a curse

Sexuality as a blessing

Doubt as an infection

Characters treating animals like people vs treating people like animals

Character’s definition of what it is to be worthy is proven insignificant

The loss of purpose that is either never found again or found in spite/honor of the things they lost

Sleep as the trust characters have in the environment they’re in

Love as addiction

Pain as addiction

Anything addiction coded (IF the author has experience with addiction or loving an addict. Otherwise it doesn’t hit)

The only thing a character ever controlling being their death

Young characters having realistic and incredibly varied reactions to trauma

When they act out of character sporadically until it suddenly becomes who they are now

Character torn between being controlled but with nothing at risk vs Being free and constantly losing what they value most

Characters with healthy coping mechanisms or hobbies they’re embarrassed to find comfort in. Their loved ones immediately accepting them without question

Marriage without romance vs marriage that’s filled with love. Guess which one loses their partner? I’ll give you a hint it’s the one who has already sworn to die for their lover

Rule-following characters that serve as a narrative antagonist finally being pragmatic as character growth

Fate as something characters can never escape from

The ocean as life/death

Worshipping the earth when it provides then taking its resources selfishly without hesitation (“Giving Tree” Style kinda)

Characters who finally understand the danger only after the one who was warning them dies

Secret injury or illness ;)

How characters interact w/ plants/animals being their ability to nurture

Generational Trauma is always at fault at the end of the day fr

Characters returning home and realizing that coming home shouldn't ache like it does

Characters forced to play a role vs Characters who see right through them

The way time flows changing based on the weight of the moment (ie. One full chapter is a single hour - One paragraph is three months)

Sense memory (Touch, taste, smell, sound, sight) vividly taking the character back to something they had forgotten

Hurt/Comfort >>>>

[maybeanartist02]

so i got a single person wanting to know more about anne so here we go with the

Anne Lore Post

under a read more bc this is gonna get LONG

(This is a masterpost explaining her origins, backstories and basic info. I will go into her love interests and stories in another post)

Jamienne Post

Anne was created under to name Anne Nova in december 2019, and is thus my oldest (still active) oc. Her original concept was made for a game where her romance path was romancing a necromancer in another world. Over the years, I've used her as my first/go-to mc for many visual novels. As such, she's developed two main paths her life can take. These two paths are marked by her surnames.

The Amsel-Faris Path: The original. This is the path where Anne remains with her birth family (where ever they live, sometimes new york, sometimes a fantasy world), and is exposed to loss throughout her entire childhood. Amsel-Faris Anne loses everything, including her sanity, due to the invisible strings tying her to death.

Example games: Fictif (Last Legacy), A Date With Death, Touchstarved

The Keahi-Moore Path: This is the peaceful timeline. This is the path where Anne is adopted, and thus removed from her "original destiny". This path is usually for games set in modern times. In this path, her childhood is overall peaceful, and her twin, Quinn, gets to live a full life. This path is not angst free, as even without Fantasy Horrors, Anne has inner demons (loneliness) she has to combat.

Example games: the Our Life Series, Keyframes

In general, Anne's personality remains the same at her core: compassionate, forgiving but not forgetful, driven by spite and a need to prove herself, sarcastic, quippy, witty, flirty, protective of her friends, seems open/honest but is emotionally secretive/distant, wants to be able to help and/or save people, guilt-complex, feeling of loneliness

Anne's story changes slightly to adapt to the game she's featured in, but the general jist of each path stay the same. I will be going into further detail of both, starting with...

Amsel-Faris: The Lost Star (content warnings: death, mentions of manipulation and violence)

In this path, Anne's family is highly sought after, being scholars of some renown. Depending on the story, this results in an escape to a distant city/land or another world entirely. Growing up, Anne experiences a lot of loss; from family pets to grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, her mother (Alice), twin (Quinn) and finally her parent (Ayad), this series of losses leads her to desperation. She dates a manipulative asshole who, after 2 years of dating, is caught cheating on her, and when she confronts him he nearly kills her.

Depending on where in her life the game picks up, Anne may be at various states. The main eras of her life here are 'the Innocent', 'the Insanity' and 'the Healing'. Last Legacy and A Date With Death feature the Healing, while Touchstarved is still with the Insanity.

Keahi-Moore: The Star Girl (In-Depth summary)

In this path, Anne is adopted by a sapphic couple. In cases where it makes sense/is possible, this couple is Lani & Pam (Our Life: BA). Thus, she grows up loved and supported and with her twin, Quinn. Generally speaking the story of OLBA applies; they grow up knowing Cove & his family, being friends with Miranda and Terry, etc etc.

Socially speaking, though, Quinn is held in higher regard to Anne. Quinn is popular, athletic, with good grades (when they give a fuck). Anne is considered an oddball, with a deadfaced expression, bad grades and not fun. Anne is more of a rule follower, while Quinn is much more comfortable with skipping classes. Through this divide comes Anne's jealousy, for which she feels guilty. It certainly doesn't help that Quinn enjoys that they're identical, while Anne finds it suffocating. When Quinn injures their ankle during a volleyball match in High School, Anne feels guilty for being jealous of the attention they get. She hides this feeling, and indulges Quinn during their injury.

Our Life x Keyframes:

In Step 2, Anne meets Baxter at the soiree. Quinn invited Derek, with whom they were very close with at this time.

As a teen, Anne starts performing as a songwriter, joins the theatre club, and dates a few notable characters; Cass & Damian. Cass is a girl Anne is close with for a long time, until her sudden departure from Sunset Bird mid-way through Highschool. Heartbroken, Anne doesn't date anyone else for a year. In her Junior year, Damian (a senior) asks her out, and she accepts. After a few months of dating, he breaks up with her to date her best friend, Milena, who accepts this. Anne forgives Milena, instead placing the blame on herself.

During the twins' senior year, Liz and Quinn convince Anne to take a chance and study Political Science in new york--a city she's wanted to visit, and a course she has some interest in. They spend the whole year convincing her, until she eventually agrees when Quinn suggests getting out of the city would be good for her.

In Step 3 of OLBA, Anne meets and befriends Baxter. They spend the whole season together, doing the canon events as well some others. They go to the ORCA charity dinner together, have a heart to heart during the boating moment, go on day trips to Prism Vista, watch movies at Baxter's place, talk about past relationships and spend countless nights getting closer. By the end of Summer, Anne is in love with him, and he's giving signs he feels it too--even going so far as to share a kiss while baking cupcakes for Randy's birthday. But Baxter still leaves, despite Anne's pleading, crying and screaming at him.

Anne packs up all her shit and moves into her dorm at Wryn-Mayer early. She stops performing for a while. She spends around a month at the dorm alone, during which she meets her next heartbreak, Hunter a rockstar slowly growing in fame along the coast. The two date for a few months, almost a year, before she catches him cheating and they break up.

In her second year at WooMoo, she meets Kennedy, a theatre student at WMU, and the two date for a while too. Kennedy slowly distances herself and neglects the relationship, but invites Anne to parties where she's all over her. Anne starts to feel like a prize or medal, and after a fight, a period of silence ending at a party, Anne breaks up with Kennedy.

A few weeks later is Reynah's barbecue party.

[yapcarms03]

Being the youngest of four sisters and one brother. My parents were hardworking and always made sure we had everything we needed. I had a happy childhood, and playing in the garden, going on family vacations, and making memories with friends. I was a shy child, often feeling out of place in social situations. My parents worked hard to provide for us, and despite the occasional financial struggles, we were always surrounded by love, my earliest memories are filled with the laughter of playing children and the comforting presence of my family. As I entered my teenage years, I became more curious about the world around me. I formed close friendships that would last a lifetime and began to develop a sense of independence, I dreamed of traveling to far-off places and experiencing new cultures. I excelled in school challenging myself academically, I always made time for my friends and family. We shared countless adventures and made memories that I will cherish forever I had so many interests and passions, but I struggled to choose one path to follow, but they believed that knowledge was the key to unlocking a world of possibilities, I began to discover new interests and hobbies. My teenage years have been a rollercoaster of emotions, experiences, and lessons that have shaped me into the person I am today. I remember the struggle of trying to fit in while also wanting to stand out, and one of the biggest challenges I faced during my teenage years was dealing with peer pressure. I also learned the value of hard work and perseverance, especially when faced with difficult assignments or exams. These lessons not only helped me succeed academically but also prepared me for the challenges of adulthood, It's a time of transition where childhood innocence starts to blend with the complexities of adulthood. I gained a better understanding of the importance of staying true to myself, even if it meant standing alone. The transition into adulthood was a period of great excitement and uncertainty. I embarked on this new chapter with a sense of optimism and determination. However, the realities of adult life soon began to unfold, presenting me with a series of challenges and obstacles to overcome. This newfound sense of accountability compelled me to make more thoughtful decisions and prioritize my goals. Through hard work and determination, I was able to carve out a path for myself and achieve success in my chosen field. For many teenagers, school is both a source of stress and excitement. We are faced with the pressures of academic performance, social hierarchies, and the uncertainty of the future. Yet, it's also a time of growth and learning, where we forge friendships that can last a lifetime and discover new passions and interests

As of my age that brought with it a new set of challenges and responsibilities. The road was not easy, and there were many times when I doubted myself, It was a time of self-discovery and independence. I had experienced love, loss, and everything in between. I cherished the memories I had made and the people who had touched my life. I continued to embrace new experiences, knowing that life was a journey of continuous growth and discovery. Despite my love for learning, I struggled with self-confidence. I learned the importance of resilience and perseverance, especially in the face of rejection and failure. We experience the highs of new relationships and the heartbreak of first rejections, learning valuable lessons about communication, empathy, and self-respect along the way.

Being a teenager is like being on a rollercoaster, with all its ups and downs, twists and turns. It’s a time of discovery, growth, and sometimes, confusion. For me, it was a period of trying to figure out who I was and where I fit in the world.

Despite the ups and downs, I remained committed to my passions, using them as a source of inspiration and fulfillment. Like many teenagers, I navigated the complexities of school, relationships, and the pressure to figure out my future. I faced the pressures of academics, trying to balance the demands of schoolwork with extracurricular activities and a social life. There were times when I felt overwhelmed, struggling to manage my time and responsibilities. Looking back, my teenage years were a time of growth, learning, and self-discovery. I faced challenges, made mistakes, and experienced moments of joy and triumph. These experiences shaped me into the person I am today, and I am grateful for the journey that has brought me to where I am now.

[hullabaloomd]

Artwork: Toy Sculptures

As my project stems around personal experiences and identity, I wanted to be able to connect a major part with my childhood.

The way in which I identify with and remember my childhood is associated with positive and joyous memories. Since I entered adulthood, I have recognised the sense of jealousy and envy of my younger self and dealt with the struggle of accepting my loss of innocence and purity.

The way that I have always connected with my childhood is through objects, especially teddies and soft plushies, which I still own to this day. Realising the significance that they held for me, I wanted to be able to use them as a symbolic tool.

Through toys, I wanted to symbolise the corruption of innocence, and the struggle to accept. I saw using toys as a way of facing my denial and developed jealousy and envy as they would be objects that I would automatically turn to for comfort. Instead of keeping them as they are, my plan was to convert them into stereotypically frightening versions, adding untidy stitching, cut-off features and alarming colours.

Altogether, I tranformed three different toys, including a teddy bear, a doll and a toy telephone.

Teddy bear:

I began by removing and cutting certain areas using a pair of scissors.

One area in which I really wanted to focus on was the stomach area. After I cut into the centre of the teddy, I inserted scrunched and ripped up diary entries from when I was suffering severely with my mental health.

I then replaced and sewed the metal hook of a coat hanger into the arm, giving the bear a menacing and industrial appearance.

I then roughly applied red and black acrylic paint on specific areas to create a gruesome effort.

I found this toy to be the most difficult to transform as I treat soft toys as though they are sentient beings.

The Doll:

I left the doll rather simple, only applying acrylic paint to the face and hair, giving it a ghoulish and eerie appearance.

Telephone:

The telephone toy was my first chance of experimentation, and one that proved simple due to the already-sinister appearance.

I decided to use vibrant pinks, blues and reds when painting the toy as I wanted it to be able to deceive the audience with typically innocent colours. Despite this, the colour of red represents violence and danger, complementing the phone’s devilish and unnerving humanistic eyes and smile and the written ‘dial me?’ on the telephone dial.