#The gold - phoebe Bridgers version
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you believed you were crazy
you believed that you loved me
#daystarpoet ◠ ✧#aimee's rambles ◠ ✧#aimee's blog ◠ ✧#queue ◠ ✧#🎧ྀི#phoebe bridgers#the gold#the gold - phoebe bridgers version#lyrics#music#songs#this song omg#phoebe bridgers lyrics
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you don’t have to hold me anymore
#vibe with me#the gold#phoebe bridgers version#manchester orchestra#phoebe bridgers#relaxing music#soothing music#calming music#sleep music#2023#Spotify
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I DON'T THINK I LOVE YOU ANYMORE
That gold mine changed you
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HOLD ME ANYMORE
Our cave's collapsing
#God phoebe Bridgers really got me in the feels today#Loosing trust in someone who you trusted wholeheartedly#It just gives way for phoebe Bridgers to come and destroy you#/pos#phoebe bridgers#The gold - phoebe Bridgers version
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phoebe bridgers singing a la using so as a passing tone is something that can be so personal actually
#sorry this is incomprehensible im talking about solfege and i just listened to the gold phoebe bridgers version#phoebe bridgers
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#I’m fine I just keep listening to this ok#narrator: she wasn’t fine#the gold-phoebe bridgers version#Spotify
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couldn’t really love you
anymore
you’ve become my ceiling
i don’t think i love you
anymore
that gold mine changed you
you don’t have to hold me
anymore
our cave’s collapsing
i don’t wanna be me anymore
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echoing skipping rocks on an empty lake
that stretched out forever when we were younger
until everything froze over. crack the ice trying to skate,
blink away snowflakes to stare up at headachingly fake
northern lights, billboards glimmering like suburbia, hell
my spilling salt tears eroded landscapes for you
etching jagged lightning into your freckled quartz
heaping up mountains out of nothing at all. we stretch
out rocky dorsal bones and splinter each other’s space
always, you said. even with shivering hands i would raise hell
cold burns the palms of chapped red hands remembering
how lemonade ice cubes stick in your throat shockingly cold
as July crawls on. something chilling hides under skidding cheap metal
against December ice burning figure eights behind my
eyes reliving a labyrinthine (only makebelieve) hell
#ok Google play the gold Phoebe bridgers version#i don’t really know what this is about#i guess mutual pain and unplaceable guilt#growing out of a version of yourself who still exists for SO MANY PEOPLE#and who you sometimes see in your hands and in the mirror#hi 17 year old izzy#izzy writes#also suburbia comma hell is meant to imitate how people write city name comma state name#but the pond is fake. my suburbia body of water is the creek near my house where I would always go to be emo and listen to Frank ocean @ 16#WHY IS THERE A CHARACTER LIMIT ON TAGS I HAD TO CHANGE AT TO AN @#!!!!
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credits to the gif maker!
LOVE IS COMPLICATED - PART VII
—forever winter
summary: the trials and tribulations of falling in love or two idiots who can't get their shit together.
pairing: pedro pascal x actress/singer!reader.
word count: 6.8k
warnings: 18+ (minors dni). angst!!! cursing, age gap, mentions of alcohol and covid. feelings of hopelessness, anxiety. no use of y/n, if i missed something please let me know!
a/n: hello again, here's the next part!! also here are a few songs i listened to while writing this one: salt in the wound - boygenius, flume - bon iver, the gold - phoebe bridgers, for emma - bon iver, forever winter - taylor swift and calgary - bon iver.
happy reading <3
masterlist!
January 19, 2020
Los Angeles, CA
There have always been two versions of you: the person you once were and the person the world has decided you are. The first is the one who existed long before the spotlight, the one with a bit of adolescent angst, dreams bigger than herself, and a heart still learning to shield itself.
This version was taught by her parents that she was special, but the world hadn’t yet caught on. She was the girl who felt small and out of place, who wrestled with who she was and where she belonged.
And then there’s the second version, the one who stands in the center of magazine covers, on the glossy side of fame. She is everything you once dreamed of becoming—and more. You’ve spent the last decade perfecting her image, carving her out of raw ambition and countless hours under the hot glare of cameras. Her Wikipedia page reads like an epic: awards, accolades, achievements—flawless. She’s a masterpiece.
This side of you is never tired. She never shows frustration. She knows how to angle her face when the camera flashes, to smile when the questions sting, and to cry beautifully when accepting awards. She can gracefully discuss the sexism she’s faced in the industry, yet she knows better than to name names or point fingers.
She always sticks to the narrative.
For the longest time, you hoped you wouldn’t need to split into two people. That the version of yourself from years ago would be good enough for the world. But the divide wasn’t gradual—it was sudden. It happened four years ago, the day your ex decided to make you the centerpiece of a bitter, ugly breakup that splashed across every tabloid in the country. Since then, you’ve been caught between these two identities, juggling the woman you once were with the image the world expects of you.
As you sit in the back seat of the car, your eyes linger on your reflection in the tinted window. Tonight is the SAG Awards, another high-profile event where your public persona will take the lead. You watch yourself in the mirror, a familiar stranger, and wonder: Does anyone truly know you? Do you even know yourself anymore?
“There's a line of press when you get out of the car,” Taylor, your manager, says without looking up from her phone. “You know, the usual stuff.”
“Got it.”
You nod, trying to focus on the task ahead, but your thoughts are far away. You look out the window, the city lights blurring into a kaleidoscope of color. No matter how many of these events you attend, it never gets easier.
The car slows to a stop, the muffled sounds of the crowd growing louder through the windows.
“Why isn’t Daniel here?” Taylor asks, breaking the silence.
“He had to fly back to Enstone,” you reply, a pang of disappointment in your chest. “The season starts soon. He’s prepping.”
Last year was a challenging one for Daniel—his racing season wasn’t what he hoped for, and he’s determined to make up for it this time around. His commitment to his craft mirrors yours in so many ways, but tonight, you wish he was here with you.
“Oh, that’s too bad, babe,” Taylor says, her hand resting on your knee in a gesture of sympathy. “When will he be back?”
“I’m not sure; he didn't say,” you murmur. “Hopefully soon.”
The door opens, and the roar of the crowd hits you like a wave. Flashing cameras, the shouting of photographers, and the glittering red carpet stretch out before you. “Looks like we’re here,” Taylor says, stepping out and extending a hand to help you.
You take a deep breath, steadying your nerves. It’s always easier with someone by your side, but tonight you’ll have to do this alone. You follow Taylor’s lead, plastering a smile on your face as you step out into the chaos. The cameras flash, posing and waving, but inside, you feel detached—like you’re watching yourself from afar.
After what feels like an eternity, you finally make it inside the venue, your body relaxing slightly as the noise of the red carpet fades behind you. You’re greeted by familiar faces and smiles, but the exhaustion from keeping up appearances lingers.
“I thought I was going to be the coolest person here, but clearly, you've beat me to it.”
The voice pulls you from your thoughts, deep and teasing. You turn and find Pedro standing there, dressed in a sleek silver suit jacket with black pants, his expression warm and playful.
His presence doesn't faze you; you've been filming for the Mandalorian since November last year, seeing each other here and there, not really spending time together between takes, and not acknowledging what happened at the wedding. You didn't hear from him since production stopped mid-December, only to get back on set early January. Although with everything else he's doing, you barely see him there anyway.
“You look amazing,” he says, his eyes lingering on you.
You glance down at your outfit—a sharp, stylish suit you picked for the night. It fits perfectly, giving you an air of confidence even though, inside, you feel anything but. “Thanks,” you say. “You don’t look so bad yourself, Pascal.” You gesture to his getup, offering a kind smile.
Pedro smirks, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I came over to congratulate you.”
"Yeah?"
“The Achievement Award. That's huge.”
You laugh softly, a little self-conscious. “That sounds like an overstatement for someone who’s only 28.”
He studies you for a moment, his gaze piercing. Pedro has always been able to see through you in ways that others can’t. You can hide from the world, but not from him.
“Don’t do that,” he says quietly, his voice firm.
“Do what?” you ask, but he cuts you off before you can finish.
“Don’t invalidate your accomplishments. You deserve this.”
There’s something in the way he says it—a weight to his words that makes you pause. Part of you wants to argue, to downplay everything like you always do, but his sincerity stops you.
Instead, you nod, offering a small smile.
“Thank you, Pedro,” you say softly. “That means a lot.”
Does it?
He sees right through and holds out his arm, a silent invitation. “Wanna walk in with me?”
For a moment, you hesitate. There’s an unspoken tension between the two of you, a history that neither of you has fully acknowledged. But as your eyes meet, the air shifts. You loop your arm through his, holding onto his bicep as the two of you make your way into the theater together. A camera flash goes off, and you smile. But this time, with Pedro by your side, it feels a little less lonely.
•••
You were sitting at a table when a fellow actor and friend started talking about you on stage. It was surreal, like time had slowed down, and you found yourself lost in thought. You’d been to countless awards shows and accepted more than your share of accolades, but this one felt different. A recognition of not just a role or a single performance, but a lifetime of work—or at least, a decade of it. And you were still young. Too young, part of you thought, for this kind of tribute. Yet here you were, about to be honored in front of your peers, the people who had seen your highs and lows.
The screen flickered to life, and a montage of your work began to play. Scenes from movies that had shaped your career, close-ups of moments that had shaped you. A smile here, a tear there, moments of triumph and vulnerability.
It was oddly like watching your life flash before your eyes—a strange out-of-body experience, as if you were looking back at someone else's journey. The montage moved through the years, capturing not just the characters you played but the changes in you—subtle at first, then more pronounced. The younger you, still full of raw hope and untamed energy, compared to the more seasoned version, who had learned how to navigate the treacherous terrain of fame. It felt like a snapshot of your life in fast-forward, as if you were witnessing your own eulogy.
You breathed in deeply, trying to stay present. It wasn’t the end, you reminded yourself.
The applause was thunderous as the montage ended, and it wasn’t until your name was called that reality snapped back into focus.
You stepped out into the blinding lights, the weight of the moment settling in as you approached the podium. The sea of faces before you blurred slightly in the brightness, but you could make out familiar ones. Peers you respected, younger actors looking up at you with wide eyes, veterans who had paved the way before you. And somewhere out there, you knew Pedro was watching.
With trembling hands, you held the award, the metal cool against your palm. You took a breath, steadying yourself before speaking.
“This is... overwhelming,” you began, chuckling, your voice breaking slightly from the emotion of it all. “I don’t even know where to start. Thank you to everyone who believed in me and to the people who supported me through the ups and downs. This means more than I can put into words.”
You paused, scanning the room, catching sight of Pedro for just a second, his gaze fixed on you with an intensity that grounded you.
“When I started this journey, I was just a kid with big dreams and very little understanding of how hard this industry could be,” you continued, feeling the words flow more easily now. “But I learned early on that dreams don’t work unless you do. It’s not just about talent—it’s about determination, grit, and pushing through even when everything seems impossible.”
Your eyes drifted toward the younger faces in the audience. “To the younger actors out there, keep going. I know it can feel like the world is telling you no at every turn, like you’re not good enough or that you’ll never make it, but don’t stop dreaming. Don’t stop working. This industry can be brutal, but it can also be beautiful. Find the beauty. Hold onto it. Work for it.”
A wave of applause broke out, but you weren’t finished yet. You felt a pull, a need to say more, something from the heart. Something real.
“And through all of it,” you said, your voice softer now, “keep the people who truly love you close. In this business, it’s easy to get lost in the noise, in the hundreds of things that try to tear you down or make you feel like you’re not enough. But the people who love you for who you are, not what you can give them, are the ones who will keep you grounded. I’ve met some of my forever people in this industry, and for that, I’m grateful. Despite all the bad and all the heartache that comes with this life, it’s those relationships that make it worthwhile.”
Your gaze wandered again, unconsciously searching the crowd for Pedro, and when your eyes met his, something inside you softened. He knew what you were talking about. He knew the weight of those words better than anyone.
“I’m grateful,” you continued, your voice a little more vulnerable now, “because I’ve been able to hold on to those people. Even when things get complicated even when it feels like the world is pushing us apart. You have to fight for those connections. They’re what make this crazy, beautiful life worth living.”
You felt a lump in your throat but pushed through it, finishing with, “So thank you. To the people in my life who have stuck with me through the good and the bad. This is as much yours as it is mine.”
March 5th, 2020
Calgary, Canada
Life after the awards ceremony didn’t feel much different than before. It was still the same relentless rhythm—work, events, travel, more work. The brief moments of peace in between became rare and fleeting, like whispers in the storm of your career. Daniel’s season was supposed to start soon, and though you’d seen him twice after he flew to France for preparations, something between you felt... off. His distance was palpable, but you hadn’t allowed yourself to dwell on it too much. It was easier to stay busy, keep moving, and brush it off as a phase. After all, the both of you were pulled in so many directions—when was the last time anything felt normal?
A quiet dinner in your NYC apartment, one of the few times Daniel managed to swing by in between training sessions. The table was set with takeout boxes instead of a home-cooked meal—neither of you had the energy for anything more.
“I’m glad you’re here,” you said softly, watching him as he absentmindedly poked at his food with a fork. He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I miss this,” you added.
“Yeah, me too,” Daniel said, but the words were like dust on the air—insubstantial, weightless.
“Is everything okay? You’ve been quiet," you trailed off, unsure of how to breach the distance you felt growing between you.
He hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind with the season coming up. It’s…you know, a lot of pressure.”
You reached across the table and placed your hand on his. “You’re going to be great. You always are.”
He gave you that familiar smile, but it still felt like something was slipping through your fingers.
•••
By March, you had flown to Calgary to shoot a horror-adjacent film. The setting—a desolate cabin in the snow, miles from anywhere—was perfect for the kind of chilling atmosphere the director was aiming for. You’d always loved working with indie directors; their stories had depth, innovation, and a sense of grounded reality that the big-budget productions sometimes lacked. It was a reminder of why you fell in love with acting in the first place.
On set, things moved fast. Between takes, you found a quiet corner of the cabin and pulled out your phone to FaceTime with Taylor. She was mid-ranting when she answered.
“There’s a potential shutdown happening, babe. Something about a virus…COVID, or whatever they’re calling it. Have you heard anything about it?”
You’d heard whispers from the crew, but nothing had been confirmed. “I’ve heard some talk around set, but no one knows what’s happening yet.”
“Well, I’m telling you now, it’s serious. This might be the last project you get to work on for a while. Everything else is likely to be delayed. Keep your eyes open.”
You sighed, looking around as the crew moved around with their usual buzz of energy.
“Guess I’ll enjoy this last bit of freedom while I can.”
Taylor chuckled. “Yeah, enjoy it while you’re in the middle of nowhere. Call me if you hear anything else.”
You ended the call and pocketed your phone, the unease settling into your chest. Everyone around the set seemed unfazed, but the air had undoubtedly changed.
By the final days of production, the world was different. Everyone wore face masks, and hand sanitizer became the reigning deity on set.
•••
Reality hit hard. Flights were cancelled. No one could leave. You were stuck in the cabin, snow piling up outside like a barricade against the world, while the virus barricaded you from returning home. You made a grocery run the minute things got a little hectic, filling the place with more supplies than you’d ever seen yourself buy—just in case. The panic in the air was contagious, and chaos reigned for those first two weeks.
You FaceTimed your mom as you unpacked. “I’m stuck in Canada,” you said, laughing softly despite the anxiety that gnawed at your insides.
“Are you serious?” her voice was a mix of worry and exasperation. “You should’ve been back by now. What about New York?”
“I don’t know when I’ll be able to get back. Airports are closed.”
She sighed heavily, the sound crackling through the phone. “Just take care of yourself, honey, alright? Don’t be reckless. Are you alone?”
“Yeah, but I’ll be fine."
Her voice softened. “Be careful, okay?”
“I will, Mom. I promise.”
•••
It was a particularly dark, cold afternoon. The kind where the sky hung low with thick clouds and the cold crept in through the cracks of the cabin no matter how many layers you wore. You had wrapped yourself in a blanket, the silence of isolation pressing down heavier than usual when your phone buzzed on the table.
Daniel’s name appeared on the screen.
You hesitated, thumb hovering over the answer button, but you couldn’t ignore him. Not yet. So you swiped to answer and brought the phone to your ear, forcing a soft, casual, “Hey.”
His voice on the other end was calm, but there was an undercurrent to it—a kind of distance that had been growing for months. "Hey," he replied, his Aussie accent tinged with something heavy. "How’s it going over there?"
You shrugged, even though he couldn’t see it. “You know… same. Snowed in. A lot of waiting.” There was an awkward pause. You filled it with a half-hearted laugh. “How about you? Everything alright?”
He cleared his throat, and you could feel the shift before he even said it. “Actually… I don’t think we should keep this up.”
The words hit you like the cold outside, seeping into your bones, but not with shock—just a kind of muted inevitability. There it is, you thought, the final crack in what was already falling apart.
Your brain hummed with white noise after that. You don’t remember what you said in response, something vague like, “Yeah, I get it.” The words came out on autopilot, and you weren’t really listening anymore. It wasn’t traumatic; it wasn’t the kind of breakup that destroyed you. It was like slowly waking from a dream and realizing it had already ended before you even opened your eyes.
His voice was kind, soft—too soft. “You’re so great, you know that, right? This just… it wasn’t working anymore. For either of us.”
You nodded, though he couldn’t see it. Your mind was elsewhere—on the conversations with Pedro, on the way your heart leaped when you heard his voice instead of Daniel’s. You had known, deep down, for a while now where your heart really was.
“I guess we knew this was coming,” you finally managed, voice steady, as if you were discussing something as simple as the weather.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But still… I didn’t want it to hurt.”
The niceties and the polite words that followed hurt more than any fight ever could have. It was the kindness of it that made it sting—the acknowledgment that neither of you had it in you to fight for something that had already drifted away. There was no anger, no raised voices, no accusations.
Just two people who had loved each other briefly, now saying goodbye like they were parting ways at an airport terminal.
“Well, take care of yourself, alright?” Daniel said softly.
“You too,” you whispered, already feeling the weight of finality.
And then it was over. The phone went silent in your hand, and you stared at the screen as if it could offer you some kind of closure that you weren’t sure you needed.
•••
The days began to bleed into one another. You were alone in that cabin—snowed in and quarantined from the world. The only connection you had was through your phone, through calls with Sarah and Oscar, who checked in on you daily.
Most days, you found ways to pass the time. You read, you cooked—burned some things, too—and found yourself sitting by the old piano that had come with the cabin. Your fingers brushed against the keys, unsure at first, after so much time spent focusing on acting. But the music came swiftly, like muscle memory. The songs poured out of you, stories in lyrical form, shaped by the silence and solitude around you.
But some nights, the quiet was too loud.
The breakup with Daniel lingered in the back of your mind like a dull ache. You had been okay with it for the most part; you knew it was coming, and neither of you were in it anymore. But there were nights, like tonight, when the weight of it crashed down and the loneliness felt too heavy to carry. You lay in bed, tears wetting the pillow, thinking about how everything had ended in polite goodbyes when maybe you needed the screaming.
•••
One day, in the middle of baking—flour dusting your hands and a bowl of half-mixed batter sitting on the counter—you received a text: “I hope you’re doing okay.”
You stared at it, your heart skipping a beat. You had thought about him every single day and wondered how he was coping and whether he was safe. Anytime Sarah called, you asked about him, telling yourself that it was enough to know from a distance. But now, with that simple text, you caved.
“I’m okay. Are you?”
His reply came almost immediately. “Not really. Mostly lonely.”
Your heart broke for him. You knew how hard it was for him to be alone. He thrived off people, off energy. And now, the world had gone still.
“Wanna talk?” you typed, holding your breath.
“Would love to hear your voice,” came the reply.
So you called him, and the hours melted away as you both talked about everything—about the virus, about work, about how isolating it all was. He asked, finally, “How’s Daniel?”
You hesitated. “We’re no longer together. Haven’t been for a while.”
There was a pause, then a soft, “Oh, I’m sorry.”
You quickly changed the subject, but it lingered between you, the unspoken acknowledgment of what that meant. After that, you spoke almost every day. The isolation became less suffocating, and with each call, you both felt a little less alone.
•••
On Pedro’s birthday, you baked a cupcake in his honor, lighting a single candle before FaceTiming him. When he picked up, he laughed, “You made me a cupcake?”
“Of course I did,” you said with a grin, holding up the tiny treat. “Now, pretend to blow out the candle.”
He played along, puffing his cheeks and making a ridiculous show of it. “Thank you for this. It’s not much of a birthday without people.”
“Well, you’ve got me,” you said, singing an off-key version of Happy Birthday. His laughter filled the space between you.
Later that night, he posted a screenshot of your call on his Instagram story, and the internet lost its mind. Comments flooded in—"Omg, she baked him a cupcake!"—“My favorite best friends!”—and you laughed at the attention it brought.
•••
One evening, as you sat at the piano again, your phone propped up with Pedro on FaceTime, he listened quietly as you played a new melody. “I think the lyrics need work,” you said, biting your lip.
He smirked. “Let me hear them.”
You hummed the first few lines, fumbling over the phrasing. “See, it doesn’t quite flow.”
“Let’s try this,” Pedro suggested, offering a line.
By the end of the night, the song felt whole, and you felt lighter.
The days passed—isolated and cold—but your connection with Pedro was alive and warm again. And as the weeks stretched on, you couldn’t help but wonder: How long until you fucked this up again?
October 5, 2020
Budapest, Hungary
Pedro had always known loneliness. It was a quiet, persistent companion, but in Budapest, it had taken on a new form. The city was beautiful, its streets old and layered with history, but none of it could distract him from the hollow ache in his chest. The early mornings on set, the long hours of filming—the work was steady. But outside of that, the hours stretched endlessly.
He had been filming in Europe for months, and though he loved his job, the thrill of creating something special—the distance—both physical and emotional—was wearing him thin. He had been keeping in touch with you, his constant thread of connection. The texts, the occasional FaceTime calls, were easy and comforting. But he could never shake the weight of what he hadn’t told you. What you didn't allow him to say. It felt like a brick in his stomach.
You lived strangely in his head.
He still hadn’t found the courage to say the words. I love you. They haunted him—a truth he couldn’t bring himself to speak. Every time he thought he was ready, he backtracked, swallowing the confession whole. His cowardice infuriated him. What the hell was wrong with him? He’d been in love with you for years, the feelings growing stronger and deeper, but now… now you were thousands of miles away, and he was stuck in this self-made purgatory.
His thoughts often drifted to his mother lately. She had always known how to comfort him, her voice soothing, her advice simple but profound. What would she have said about you? About his inability to speak the truth? He could hear her in his head, telling him to stop being such a fool, to just go for it. But she wasn’t here anymore, and he felt lost without her, more than he ever let on.
The days on set were repetitive but engaging. The crew was tightknit, and the project was exciting. He threw himself into work, hoping it would distract him. He laughed with the cast, bantered with the director, but when the camera wasn’t rolling, his mind was elsewhere. It was with you.
•••
A few weeks later, after wrapping up in Budapest, he found himself in Switzerland alone again. He didn’t know why he’d come. The scenery was breathtaking, the mountains vast and quiet, but the isolation magnified the emptiness he felt. It was as if everything had come to a standstill.
The stillness weighed on him. The quiet, once a solace, now felt oppressive. He spent his days wandering the small towns, drinking coffee in hidden cafés, trying to convince himself that the solitude was a gift. But he felt shattered, more broken than before.
One night, the loneliness became too much, and he called you. Desperation tightened his throat as he waited for you to pick up, his mind screaming at him to just tell you. The phone rang, and when you answered, your voice was soft, familiar, and full of comfort.
"Pedro," you said, and it was enough to stop him in his tracks.
His breath caught, and the confession lodged itself in his throat again. He had been ready, so ready, but hearing you��he thought better of it. What could he say that wouldn’t ruin everything?
"Hey," he replied, his voice rougher than intended. "Just wanted to hear your voice."
You chuckled softly on the other end. "You good?"
"Yeah, I’m good," he lied, the words heavy on his tongue. "Just…miss talking to you, that’s all."
"I miss you too," you said, and it broke him a little more. The call went on, but he had already retreated into himself, too afraid to say what needed to be said. He listened to you talk about your day, your laugh filling the silence on his end, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was failing—failing himself, failing you.
•••
The next day, he went for a walk. The air was cold, biting, but it didn’t bother him. He needed to clear his head. He walked along the cobbled streets, past quaint houses with shuttered windows, and let the weight of his feelings wash over him. It was overwhelming. His history with you, all the unsaid things, all the moments when he should have acted and didn’t. It crashed over him like a wave, leaving him breathless.
He found a bench and sat, his head in his hands. One day, he thought. One day, I’ll tell her.
December 31st, 2020
New York, NY
The phone call from Oscar came two weeks before New Year's Eve. His voice was warm, as it always was, but there was an unmistakable edge of hope in it, the kind that crept in after months of isolation.
“It’s just something small,” he had said. You could hear his smile through the phone, that charming grin he always wore. “Not a lot of people, you know. Just family and close friends. After the last few months we've had… I think we need this.”
You hadn’t seen Oscar in person in what felt like forever, and the idea of being with people—Oscar’s people, your people—sounded like a balm to the soul. You agreed before he could finish the invitation, the excitement bubbling up despite the world still not feeling quite right.
You got tested later that week, making sure you were safe to attend the gathering.
When you arrived at Oscar’s apartment, the city had an eerie quiet to it. New York was never still, even during the pandemic, but tonight it felt subdued, like it was holding its breath for something more. You headed for the entrance, and the soft sound of music spilled out the moment the doors opened.
Oscar met you with his arms wide open, pulling you into a tight hug. “Look who finally made it,” he teased, his face lighting up in that familiar way. “You look good.”
“You too,” you said, stepping back and taking in the warmth of the room. It was intimate—just the right amount of people to make you feel at home, but not so many that it felt overwhelming.
Before you could take another step, Sarah swooped in, stealing you from Oscar’s embrace with an exaggerated squeal. She enveloped you in a hug so tight you could barely breathe.
“I missed you so much!” she exclaimed, her eyes wide with delight. You hadn’t seen her in ages, and the reunion felt like a weight lifting off your chest. The two of you spent the next few minutes catching up, your laughter blending in with the soft chatter around the room.
Then, out of the corner of your eye, you saw him. He had arrived a little late, typical of him, but the sight of him sent your heart into a dizzying spin. It had been almost a year since you last saw each other in person.
He moved through the room, and when he finally made his way toward you, your breath hitched. He wore a simple black t-shirt, the fabric clinging to his toned chest. His hair was longer, fluffy from the months of lockdown, and his big brown eyes—usually so full of light —looked tired.
But when he saw you, the weariness seemed to lift for a moment.
He said your name softly, stepping close. His arms opened, and you fell into them without hesitation, wrapping yourself around him in a way that felt too familiar, too safe. He held you tight, his grip lingering longer than necessary, like he was afraid to let go.
“Hey,” you breathed against his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him—pleasant, familiar, grounding. The world seemed to fall away for a moment, leaving just the two of you. You pulled back slightly, looking into his face, wanting to say something—anything. You couldn’t live without thinking about him. He consumed your every thought, and somewhere along the way, you had come to terms with how you felt about him.
But the words stuck in your throat.
“At last, we see each other,” he said, his voice quieter than usual, his hand still on your back.
“At last,” you repeated, your heart pounding against your ribs.
You both opened your mouths to speak, then laughed in unison.
"You first," Pedro said, his eyes twinkling with amusement, though there was something deeper there—something lingering just beneath the surface.
But before you could say anything more, Sarah reappeared, her arm hooking through yours as she dragged you away. “Sorry! I need to steal her for a sec,” she said with a laugh, oblivious to the quiet intensity of the moment she’d interrupted.
Pedro smiled at her, though his eyes flicked back to you. "What I wanted to say can wait," he said softly, his voice carrying a promise that sent a jolt through you.
You promised yourself you’d find him later.
•••
In the kitchen, you and Sarah were rummaging through cabinets for more drinks when you heard Oscar’s booming laugh. Turning, you spotted him and Pedro, who now had a ridiculous pointy birthday hat perched on his head. You burst into laughter at the sight, unable to resist.
“Cute hat,” you said, pulling your phone from your back pocket. “Let’s document this moment.”
He grinned, grabbing Oscar by the shoulder and pulling him in for the picture. Pedro tilted his head, drinking from his beer, and Oscar looked up at him with a puzzled expression as you snapped a photo.
“Perfect. That’s going on Instagram for sure,” you teased, and Pedro groaned.
Before anyone could respond, Oscar’s wife walked by, eyeing the hat on Pedro’s head with mock suspicion. Pedro took his cue, unlocking from Oscar and jokingly attacking her with the pointy hat, poking her side with the plastic tip. You snapped another picture, laughing as she swatted him away.
“Send that to me,” she called over her shoulder, and you nodded, tucking your phone back into your pocket just as Sarah handed you a drink.
•••
The night continued, the energy in the room bubbling up as the countdown to midnight approached. Karaoke had started in one of the rooms, and you couldn’t resist.
Pedro avoided it at all costs, standing in the doorway with a bemused expression. After your rendition of Losing My Religion, he caught your eye.
“That was something, huh?” he said, a smirk playing on his lips.
“I was extra terrible just for you,” you shot back, walking over to him. “I know how much you hate this.”
“You’re so thoughtful,” he said.
Just as you were about to respond, a woman’s voice broke through the moment. “Oscar said you were in here,” she said, stepping forward. “Hi.”
You turned to see her approach Pedro, and before you could fully register what was happening, she leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips. A casual, intimate gesture that sent a shock of realization through your entire body.
You blink, dumbfounded, as Pedro shifted slightly to make introductions. “This is Julia,” he said, his voice a little too calm for the turmoil suddenly spinning inside you.
Your mind raced, trying to place her. And then it hit you—she was in the group photos he posted from the crew of the movie he was filming in Budapest. One of the producers, you think.
Oh.
Julia greeted you happily, oblivious to the terrible ache now pooling in your chest. You felt your throat tighten, the words you had wanted to say earlier were now swallowed by this unfamiliar wave of jealousy and disappointment. You went mute, unable to find words that wouldn’t betray how much this hurt.
Pedro’s voice broke the silence again, almost too nonchalant. “This is what I wanted to talk about earlier.”
Your stomach twisted. “Oh, great,” you managed to say, forcing a smile that you didn’t feel.
“And you?” Pedro asked, clearly trying to keep things light. “You said you wanted to talk, too.”
Your heart hammered in your chest, and your mind screamed for you to say something—anything—but all you could muster was, “No, um, it was nothing, really.”
Something stung deep inside you. It was a dull ache, gnawing away at your resolve. You needed a way out. Fast.
“It was a pleasure to meet you,” you said to her, your voice tight. “If you’ll excuse me…”
And before either of them could say anything more, you slipped away, making a beeline for the kitchen where Oscar stood.
“Hey,” you blurted, pulling him aside. “He’s fucking dating someone? And you didn’t say a thing?”
Oscar looked at you, taken aback. “I—it wasn’t my news to share.”
You pressed your fingers to your forehead, trying to swallow the embarrassment. “I know. I know, I’m sorry. I just… I can't believe I was about to confess my love for him and make a fool of myself. Again.”
Oscar stared at you, his eyebrows raised. “You were what?”
You laughed, though it was tinged with bitterness. “Yeah. But now? I mean, clearly, it’s just another sign. The timing’s never right. Never.”
Was it punishment? you thought.
Oscar opened his mouth, then closed it, clearly uncertain of what to say. Instead, he walked over to the counter and grabbed another drink. “Here,” he said quietly, offering it to you.
You took it, staring at the liquid swirling in the glass.
"It’s fairly new, you know," Oscar said softly, his voice tinged with hesitation. "Like two weeks or something. It’s not serious yet."
“I just don’t get it,” you muttered, almost to yourself. “I don’t.”
Oscar sighed, his hand finding your back, a comforting weight that helped ground you. “I know. I know.”
You knew there was else nothing you could do right now, so you poured the drink down your throat, feeling the burn as it went down.
•••
“There you are,” Pedro called softly, his voice muffled by the cold air as he stepped through the glass doors onto the backyard patio. The wind hit him immediately, sharp and biting, but the bitter cold felt fitting, almost poetic.
You stood there, your back to him, a silhouette against the frozen horizon. For a moment, he was transported back to the first time he saw you in this very spot, under a much different sky. That night, the air had been warm, filled with the kind of anticipation that crackled with every glance exchanged. You had stood just like this, dressed similarly too, arms crossed against the world, hair cascading down your back like a curtain he desperately wanted to pull aside.
But tonight was different. Tonight, your shoulders were tense, hunched against more than just the cold. When you turned around, your face wasn’t full of curiosity. It was distant, your eyes heavy with an emotion he couldn’t quite name, but that he knew he was responsible for.
"You bolted out of there," Pedro said, his voice strained as he tried to sound casual, but the worry leaked through.
You gave a soft, bitter hum, a sound he couldn’t decipher but felt in his bones. "I was a bit shocked, honestly."
He swallowed, suddenly nervous, fumbling with the words he had rehearsed in his mind so many times but never managed to say. "I know. I wanted to tell you about her, I just... I don’t know. It’s new. I didn’t think it was important enough yet. I thought I’d find the right moment, but it never felt... appropriate. And I didn’t want to make things weird, you know?"
Pedro kept talking, words spilling out as he tried to explain. He mentioned her name—Julia—said they had met on set, that it wasn’t serious yet, that it had barely even begun. His voice grew quieter, more unsure with every sentence, as if he was trying to convince himself as much as you.
See, Pedro hadn't planned on getting into a relationship, not when his every thought was consumed by you, not when he knew he loved you, and yet here he was. He didn't know what he was doing anymore.
But your expression had already changed. He could see the way your face shut down, the way your gaze hardened, and it twisted something deep inside him.
“Don’t apologize to me about your relationship,” you said, the words sharp and cutting. “That’s the kind of thing that makes me feel like I’m some kind of Machiavellian villain.”
Pedro winced, his breath catching in his throat. He hated this. But before he could say anything, you spoke again, your voice lower, more controlled.
"Our time never seems to align, does it? It never has, and it never will. It's funny, even.” You paused, looking away, your voice a strained whisper.
Pedro wanted to scream. He wanted to tell you that he felt trapped between his own heart and the razor-sharp edge of what was right, what was fair. The guilt and longing were choking him, twisting his insides until all he could feel was the jagged ache of wanting something that was always just out of reach.
You took a deep breath, the cold air clouding in front of you like smoke.
"Are you happy?" you asked, your voice barely audible. A mirror of his very own "Do you love him?" from last year.
Pedro looked at you, his heart hammering in his chest. “I’m trying,” he said quietly, the truth in the words landing hard.
You nodded, your lips pressed together in a sad, resigned smile.
“Then that’s good enough for me.”
It was an unspoken agreement—a quiet acceptance that, once again, you were not meant to be. That your lives had written this story long before you’d ever had a say in it.
a/n: enough sadness, their time will come soon ;)
a like, reblog or comment, anything is very much appreciated <3
#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal imagine#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal fluff#pedro pascal angst#pedro pascal fic#my writing#love is complicated fic
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ᨒ ོ ☼ YOU'VE BECOME MY CEILING -- SAM WINCHESTER X FEM!READER
another angst fic !! i love writing angst so this is nothing new from me ofc :) once again , this is a fic i posted on a previous blog , which i since removed from said blog as i decided to focus on another topic . so i'm here to once again share my works :) i've also since edited this fic a bit , as i wrote it a bit ago !! let me know your thoughts on this one and enjoy <3
my requests are open and let me know if anyone would like a part two to this !
tissues are once again needed and there is no use of y/n in this fic
sam winchester x fem!reader (romantic)
summary: when sam pulls away, and reader just can't keep going. loosely based on the song "the gold" , specifically phoebe bridgers version
warnings: break ups (sorta ?) , minor descriptions + mentions of suffocation (if you blink you'll probably miss it) , abandonment , loss of love (to some degree) , unrequited love but not really (???) , sad sam (again </3)
word count: 1.8k
love was difficult. it was consuming. beautiful. costly. the best feeling in the world, and the worst one. it was all of these things at the same time.
sometimes it was the most freeing thing in the world. other times it was suffocating. it could be a good suffocating, at times. the love so overwhelming that she burst with joy at the feeling. a love she held so closely that she couldn’t find ways to express it any further even as she drowned in the feeling.
other times it made her want to cry everything out. it made her want to collapse on the floor, heart and lungs heavy. it made her dread the silence during fights, or the sleepless nights waiting for a phone call back. it made her dread the days spent waiting for him to come home. the tears welling up in her eyes when she could only imagine the worst as minutes became hours, which would become days and eventually weeks. it was dreadful.
but the good parts made up for it. the nights spent curled up in each others’ arms. hearing each others’ shallow breaths as they slept. the warmth of being near one another. the way the light shone in a different way, because things were good. things were calm. he was home and so was she. the smiles rarely ever left either of their faces. being in close proximity was all they needed. they’d talk, but the silence was just as peaceful. it wasn’t deafening or painful. it didn’t make her heart wrench. both of them were safe and in love and happy.
that’s not the way it was now. right now the silence was heavy. so was her heart. her lungs felt like they were constricting. like there wasn’t enough air left for her to breathe. it felt like their love was dying out. like the flame they’d so carefully spent time fostering was dying out, providing barely any light. she didn’t want it to. she was grabbing at it, pulling it back towards her, like a child trying to save their most prized possesion that’s about to be thrown out. she tried to save it. so, so hard. she would spend nights awake, thinking how to fix things. how to make it better, for both of them. how to make sure they were both safe and in love and happy again.
but he wasn’t making that effort. he had shut down. she didn’t know what it was. he came home one day after weeks of no contact on a long hunt, and since then it’s been like this. she had to tiptoe around him on eggshells. the feeling of acid burning her throat never left. she tried to get him to talk. to say something. to open up to her, so she could help him. but he had snapped. she wouldn’t give up, though. she tried, again and again. it always ended the same, with sam angry and her silent tears soaking the pillow. after months of trying she decided it wasn’t worth pushing any further.
he would open up in time, right? he just needed to find the initiative to come to her himself, to not be forced into opening up, right? things would get fixed in time and it would be all okay again. but it didn’t happen. the time didn’t come. and yet again, hours would become days, which would be come weeks and slowly those weeks would become months. except this time he wasn’t away. he was home. he was with her. and yet the distance between them was further than ever before.
i love you, she thought.
i love you with all my heart and soul. i love you unconditionally. i love you even through the heaviness in my heart and the tears that stain my cheeks every day.
but it’s just not enough, she realized. her one-sided love wasn’t enough. she couldn’t be the only person with love in this relationship. it was slowly breaking her, tearing her apart. she was a shell of herself now, just as sam has been these past few months.
so she packed a bag. just one. only what she needed. not everything. she left the rest. she would be coming back. she knew she would. a love like this doesn’t just end. there’s bumps in the road. there always are. but this bump needed a little extra time and care. and that had to come in the form of being away. she needed to be able to breathe. perhaps he, too, needed space.
distance makes the heart grow fonder, no?
and with that one bag in hand, she left the room she shared with him. with her sam. the love of her life. the man who now sat at the kitchen table, absolutely unrecognizable. she watched him from afar. sitting there, motionless. a bottle of beer stood in front of him.
she placed her bag down where she was, positioning it so he wouldn’t see. and she entered the kitchen.
one last time, she thought to herself. she wouldn’t be saying goodbye. that’s not what this was. she was going to be back. but she couldn’t leave without seeing him one more time. giving him one last kiss before she was gone.
“sam,” she croaked out. her voice was barely louder than a whisper. he didn’t respond.
“sam,” she said once again, louder this time. it caught his attention. he looked up at her.
“i love you,” she said to him. her eyes were glossy. she was breathing as evenly as she could, her lungs constricting as her heart beat so fast that she practically felt it in her throat. she didn’t want him to see her cry, even though he had so many times in the past.
“mhm,” was his only response. he looked away from her soon after, his motions so slow they were almost robotic. it was as though he were on autopilot, picking up his beer and taking a swig of it. she took that as her sign. her final push. to do this. to take some time away from him, let him figure things out. he wasn’t going to do that with her around. these past few months have proven that. even through every time she tried to help him, to figure out why he’d shut down, he would just push her further away. she bent down and placed a kiss to his forehead.
i’m sorry, she thought to herself.
and so she took one last look at him. she turned towards the door. and she walked out. moving her legs was a chore. it was difficult and every bone in her body screamed at her to turn back around. to get down on the floor, to her knees, and beg him to talk to her, to tell her what was wrong. but it wouldn’t work. she knew that, because she already tried it.
so against every instinct in her body, against every thought in her head but one, she grabbed the bag she had hidden behind the wall outside the kitchen, and left.
sam heard the door close. he didn’t think much of it. a day later, when the house was quieter than he was used to, he glazed over the thought that she wasn’t back yet. but that one day had yet again become days, which had eventually become a week. something changed in him. he called her. he rung her phone non-stop. he left message after message. he had sat in that same spot in the kitchen, phone in hand, waiting for her to pick the phone back up. but she hadn’t.
he had finally woken up from his daze. he finally realized that he had lost her. it took her leaving for him to realize that things weren’t okay. that he wasn’t okay. none of it was.
he wished he had told her, that he opened up to her about what happened on that hunt. about how he tried to save a child, and couldn’t. how he saw himself in this young boy, so frightened and yet trying to show strength. a child that he then saw buried by his family a week later. the monsters in town were gone thanks to him, but a child had died. and he couldn’t forgive himself for that, he couldn’t bring himself to function properly. this child, so closely mirroring his younger self was gone because of him. and so he shut down.
she tried to help him, to get him to open up, but goddamnit he just wouldn’t listen. and now he’d lost her, too. she was gone, not answering the phone. he wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back, though he wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t.
and one lonely night in november, sam was laying in her room. he’d been curled up in a ball on her bed, her scent having nearly faded completely, when he saw the leather poking out from inside her closet. and he got up. pulled out what it was that caught his eye.
her journal. the one thing she refused to go anywhere without, she had left behind. so he opened it. and he read, and read, and read. he couldn’t stop reading. and he hated himself more and more with each entry. he knew he shouldn’t have read it, but he couldn’t help himself. he wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back, and this was the closest thing to her that he now had.
he watched their love crumple in front of his eyes, the memories burnt into the pages. but their love wasn’t enough for it to stay.
it’s my fault, he’d repeat in his head. over and over and over again. non-stop, like a mantra. and when he got to the last page, he had felt his heart shatter. he had become physically ill at what he read.
it’s like he’s become my ceiling, the page read.
a blank wall i stare at, unmoving and not in love with me, no matter how much i may love him, it finished.
and just like that, sam winchester had broken himself more than he had already been broken. but he would wait. he’d wait for her to return. he’d look for her. he’d hope that she’d come back. and in the meantime he’d work on himself. fix himself. he’d pull himself out of the rut he was in, so that when she came back, he could give her all the love in the world again. so she could look at him with all the light in the world once more.
he would become her the sun again and brighten her world. he realized that he needs to open up to her, that he can rely on her. he doesn’t have to be scared of her love anymore. she wouldn’t run away if he told her what happened. she’d only love him unconditionally. and oh, how sam wished she were still here.
#sam winchester#sam winchester x reader#sam winchester x fem!reader#sam winchester imagine#sam winchester x y/n#sam winchester x you#sam winchester fanfic#supernatural#spn#supernatural fanfic#spn fanfic#angst#so much angst#romantic relationships#₊⁺☀︎₊⁺⋆.˚ aqua's fanfics
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“You don’t have to hold me anymore”
Chris sturniolo x fem!reader
🜸 - I love this song so much, it actually pains my heart sometimes😭
★ - summary:
You and chris are having a big fight and something he said fully broke your heart.
༆ warnings:
Cussing, slight push, mad!chris, crying, use of y/n, I think that’s all!
✫彡 - writers note:
Yes I’m gonna apologize again😁, sorry for being so inactive. I didn’t have any ideas at all😔😔
“COULDNT REALLY LOVE YOU ANYMORE”
‘what the fuck Chris? Why are you making such a big problem about this?’ You can’t help but keep questioning what’s happening between you and Chris, Chris is just standing in front of you with a blank stare. Maybe even a death stare you can’t really figure that out, your head has been spinning. Nothing seems real, ‘hello fucking dumbass are you here?’ Chris snaps in your face with his long and somehow loud fingers. Fuck you have been zoning out, he isn’t even giving you a death stare.
“I DONT THINK I LOVE YOU ANYMORE”
‘God you are so stupid.’ ‘What the fuck do you want from me Chris, I don’t understand.’ ‘I don’t think I love you anymore.’ Chris seems like he has calmed down, like he needed to get this of his chest, meanwhile you’re just standing in front of him with a teardrop slowly falling down your cheek. ‘get out of my face please.’ Chris surprisingly has tears in his eyes and you could barely hear his voice, you were both hurt. ‘I was going to sleep anyway.’ you almost say whispering, another teardrop falling down from your cheek while slowly walking to Nick’s room.
“YOU DONT HAVE TO HOLD ME ANYMORE”
You walk up the stairs where you surprisingly find Matt and Nick standing there. Your hair is messed up and so is your makeup, you feel embarrassed while also wondering if they heard everything. Matt and Nick have the exact same worried look with furrowed eyebrows. You can’t help but start sobbing, ‘oh come here.’ Nick opens his arms to hug. You slowly walk up to Nick and he gives you the warm and comforting hug you needed, Matt also joined you and Nick, and softly pats your messy hair.
“YOU DONT OPEN YOUR EYES FOR A WHILE, YOU JUST BREATHE THAT MOMENT DOWN.”
Nick takes you to his room while Matt walks down to get a bottle of water.
Matts pov:
Matt quickly walks down the stairs to get a glass of water, he sees Chris sitting down in the corner of his eye with tears in his eyes while scrolling through something. Matt knows exactly what Chris is doing.
When Matt has y/n’s glass filled with water he places the glass down on the dinner table. Walk over to chris and leans against the couch. ‘Bro what did you do.’ Chris looks up from his phone scrolling through the pictures from y/n and him together. ‘Just leave me alone bro, take her if you want she doesn’t want me anymore.’ Matt furrows his eyebrows, ‘aren’t you the one that doesn’t love her anymore?’ ‘Shut up leave me alone.’ ‘Chris just go to sleep.’ ‘Whatever bro.’ Chris gives Matt a eye roll before Matt picks up the water and brings it upstairs to Nick’s room.
Matt walks into the room with my glass of water and places it down on the kind of dirty nightstand. ‘There you go, I’m so sorry about Chris.’ Matt looks at me with a worried look. ‘It’s okay.’ You give him a weak smile before you quickly drink the glass of water. Matt also crawls up Nick’s bed with you laying in the middle. ‘You wanna watch a movie?’ Nick looks at you while handing you the remote. You nod, click on netflix and skip through the movies, you find Chris’ favorite. ‘That’s his favorite.’ You look at the movie without any expression on your face, almost cold. Nick grabs the remote and puts on a random movie. ‘This is a healthier way no?’ ‘Yeah probably.’ You give nick a little smile while he side hugs you.
After a while you look over to Nick and he’s sleeping, he looks so peaceful something you need rn. On the other side of the bed you see Matt rapidly tapping on his phone. ‘Matt what are you doing?’ ‘Chris wants to talk to you.’ ‘Oh uh..’ you kind of stay quiet, you have no idea what you are supposed to say to him, Everything has been said. ‘I told him no, don’t worry, I don’t think he has the right to talk to you yet.’ ‘Mhm’ Matt looks over to you and gives you a big hug. ‘Where do you wanna sleep tn?’ ‘Can I sleep with you or? I don’t wanna disturb Nick, he has been working hard lately.’ ‘Ofcourse .’ Matt gives you a little smile.
“I BELIEVED YOU WERE CRAZY, YOU BELIEVED THAT YOU LOVE ME.”
After watching a couple more movies with Matt, you tuck Nick in with some warm blankets, and walk with Matt to his room when you find Chris still sitting on the couch looking over at you. ‘Oh so your fucking her now huh?’ ‘Dude what.’ You are just staying silent, what do I need to do? What do I need to say? ‘N-no I am not.’ ‘Ofcourse you aren’t.’ ‘For fucks sake just go to bed, stop scrolling to old pictures of you and y/n and talk to her tomorrow give her some space. Jezus.’ ‘Shut up bro.’ Chris spits at Matt with a furious looks in his eyes, but does exactly what Matt says him.
You are standing face to face with Matt looking at each other but you aren’t looking at him peacefully you are giving him a scared look, a uncomforting look. ‘I- I’m scared idk what to do anymore.’ ‘You are going to be alright. I promise.’ Matt guides you to his bedroom. ‘Do what you need to do, I’m in my room prob watching something on Graffiti falls.’ ‘I think I’m going to take a shower, is that okay?’ ‘Oh for sure, let me get you some towels.’ Matt walks out of his room grabs some towels next to his bathroom and hands you the still warm and soft towels. ‘Thank you.’ ‘Ofcourse.’ He walks to his room and falls on the just made bed. You look into the room before going into the bathroom and give him a little smile. And lipsync ‘thank you.’ Matt gives you a warm smile before turning on his tv.
You turn on the shower, a little above the temperature you normally do. Hopefully the burning shower would hide the thoughts in your head that have been non stop playing in your head. You wash your messy hair and you take of your makeup.
half hour later 11:45 PM
You walk out of the shower with fresh hair and a clean face, but Chris is standing in front of you. ‘Um hello?’ You furrow your eyebrows, ‘um hello?’ Chris mocks you. ‘What do you want, I wanna go to fucking sleep.’ ‘nothing I just hope you have fun fucking my brother.’ Chris’ face is cold, not a single expression on his face. ‘I’m not fuck off, your just jealous.’ You turn around and before you could open the door Matt has paused his serie and stands in the doorway. ‘Chris go to fucking bed.’ You’ve never seen Matt this pissed, it’s lowkey scaring you. Chris pushes Matt, this never happens what is happening? You are scared, you don’t know what to do. ‘Your a fucking dumbass Chris, you were lucky with her. Why the fuck do you ruin that?’ Chris is quiet, tears coming up in his eyes, ‘.. I - idk.’ Chris covers his eyes and walk away.
Nick is coming down the stairs standing there in shock, ‘what the actual fuck happened here?’ His voice is raspy, definitely woke up bc of the fight. You kind of run to Nick, you don’t know what else to do. ‘They got into a fight. I don’t know why.’ ‘Oh for fucks sake, let me handle this. Chris come here.’ Chris was going to walk by but Nick stops him with laying his hand on his shoulder and giving him a slight push. ‘Come here crybaby.’ ‘Fuck you.’ His voice is shaky, it makes you wanna give him a hug but that’s probably the last thing he wants from you right now. ‘Yeah whatever come.’ Nick takes Chris to Matt and takes them into Matt’s room.
You walk to the living room, still in complete shock but you turn on the tv to silent the arguing you hear coming from Matt’s room. You hear so many different things a mix from yelling, cussing and crying, your nightmare came to life.
A little while later they all come out of the room, Chris walks up to you. Falling down on the couch next to you, very close to you. ‘I-Im sorry I do love you I- i really do, I just.’ ‘Oh shut up Chris.’ You don’t let him talk what you feel bad about but you kiss his beautiful lips, the kiss was the thing you needed all along. His hands slightly on your waist, your hands in his hair. Everything seemed perfect.
‘Well you guys made up I see,’ you totally forgot that Matt and Nick were standing in front of y’all, but you couldn’t give a fuck. Things were okay again. You break the kiss look over to them and give them a hug. You whisper in their ears a thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I couldn’t help making this a good end🥹
if you want to be tagged comment down!♥️ hope you enjoyed this, leave down a like if you like to see more from me stay save 💞.
Tags:
@042502 @chrisslut333 @chrissslut @chriscamopants @chris-slut @chrissv4mp @didiswrld12 @slutz4sturniolos @hollandsangel @hoeformatt @h3arts4harry @heartmatt @mattsfavbitchhh @mattstattos @mattslittleprincess @mattsturnswife @mattsgf @sturnioloshacker @monroesturnns @sturnslesbo @sturniolonmc @sturnioz @sturnzsblog @sturnsblunt @sturnsbaby @sturnslcver @sturnsdoll
#Spotify#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#fanfic#looking for moots#writing#angst with a happy ending#difficult times
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That Goldmine Changed you.
Ella Toone x Reader
Summary: You and Ella are just two humans trying your best. Like you’re supposed to do. So why’s it so hard?
Warnings: Arguments, both ET and R are stressed as fuck and snap at each other, Ella being a sweetie, R being an ass, Mancity reader, Manutd Ella (obviously), Song fic! Based off ‘The Gold’ by Manchester Orchestra and Phoebe Bridgers. Song lyrics in green italics
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"What is your fucking problem, Y/N?!" Ella screamed at you. Tears streaming down her face as her lip quivered. You had just gotten into another one of your petty little fights.
It had been happening a lot lately, but who could blame either of you? You were both stressed, playing for rival teams while also balancing social media and being in the public eye.
You were overstimulated, so was Ella. You forgot that sometimes, though.
And she had dropped a glass.
Your favourite glass.
You heard it shatter on the hard ground of your shared kitchen, hearing Ella's soft curses as she picked it up. She called you in, and off you went. Your eyes landed immediately on her slightly smaller frame hunched over with the dustpan and brush desperately scraping it up. She was trying her best.
I don't think I love you anymore
But you couldn't see that. You lost your temper, and that brought you to now.
"What's my problem? What's my fucking problem? Fucks sakes Ella you are so incompetent! You just can't do anything right can you?" You yelled, tears streaming down your own face as you had now taken over picking up the shattered cup. The smaller bits of glass sticking into your fingers.
That gold mine changed you.
Ella didn't reply. She said nothing. Silence.
A sound so deafening, yet now so common in your once warm home.
An uneasy sound. An unwelcome and unexpected sound which the both of you hated, but couldn't prevent.
"Ella," you sighed, wiping a hand over your face as you stood, turning around to see her staring vacantly at you while the tears still fell.
"I was tryna do somethin' nice, ya know?" she whispered, her accent coming in thick. You looked to the counter. She had been making you a hot chocolate and an omelette, despite not being able to cook for the life of her.
You don't have to hold me anymore.
She was trying her best. She was trying.
And so were you, but you both forgot that sometimes.
"Ella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that-"
"Ya wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it!" She snapped, her brows knitting together, "Do ya have any idea how hard I work to adjust my schedule to match yours?! To make sure that the bed is made for you when you come home from late training? To make sure you have food on the table for ya? Do ya?" she asked shakily.
Your head hung in shame, as your fists clenched and you took a deep breath, meeting her blue eyes.
Our cave's collapsing.
"Ella, I'm sorry. You're trying, you're trying so hard and I'm not realising it and I'm so sorry baby, please." You begged, pleading with your eyes for her to just hold you.
Instead she shook her head, pulling a hoody over her head and putting her earphones in, grabbing her keys.
I don't wanna be me, anymore.
"I'm going for a walk." She yelled as she exited.
You turned into a ball of strangled, body-wracking sobs against the front door after that. Not being able to find the strength in your body to move.
But who can blame either of you, right?
You were just two humans trying your best, like you're supposed to.
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A/N: Enjoy the angst. really clearing out my drafts today y’all are in for a treat.
#woso#football#futbol#footy#woso fanfics#woso imagine#writer is not english#woso x reader#futból#angst#ella toone#ella toone x reader#ella toone x y/n#reader is an asshole#Spotify
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Brocedes | The Gold, Manchester Orchestra (Phoebe Bridgers Version)
#brocedes#💔#nico rosberg being in the commentary box this week made my whole day#nico rosberg#sir lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton#mercedes f1#f1#formula 1#formula one#phoebe bridgers#f1 web weaving
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Jinx and Vi web weave
They deserved so much better <3
The Gold - Phoebe Bridgers Version
#web weave#web weaving#i love them#jinx#jinx arcane#vi arcane#The gold#arcane#leauge of legends#claggor arcane#mylo arcane#phoebe bridgers#they deserved so much better#silco arcane#vi and jinx
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“You’ve become my ceiling
with Yae Miko”
“You don’t even care, do you? You never do, and probably never have.”
The woman in front of you didn’t even appear hurt, simply maintaining a face of indifference. But inside, her mind was racing. When you’d invited her to this beautiful forest, she’d expected a grand gesture of a date, as you’d done in the past. Not your decision to end your relationship.
“I do care, quite a deal,” she moved her hand up, to cup your face. Perhaps to even talk you out of it, as foolish as it was. But you stepped away from her.
And spoke with tears brimming your eyes, “which is why you can’t even pretend to be affected.”
You humans were so conflicting. You were the one who broke up with her, and now you’re crying over her. Even as you faced the ground, she knew your face was puffy and red. As it usually had been when you broke down.
“Because, I learned how to maintain my composure, after so long of practice.” What you didn’t know, was how badly she wanted to hold you, teasingly comforting you as she’d done many times before. “If you’re simply trying to leave for my seemingly lack of care, then I cannot make you stay. But I do implore you to think.”
“If I didn’t care, why would I stay with you for so long, dear?”
I am attempting to branch out more in terms of characters I write
#genshin impact#genshin fanfic#genshin imagines#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin x you#twst#genshin angst#genshin comfort#yae miko#genshin yae#yae miko x reader#yae miko x you#yae miko angst#yae miko comfort#yae x reader#yae miko genshin#genshin yae miko#Spotify
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Ten People I'd Like to Get to Know Better!
Thank you to @smehur for the tag! I loved reading your responses 💗
Last Song: The Gold - Phoebe Bridgers Version (this is sorta on repeat for me right now 😮💨)
Favorite Colors: Haha, shades of black, if it's going on my body. Purple is great, too
Last Book: Starve Acre by Andrew Michael Hurley (a thought-provokingly creepy folk-horror-meets-desolate-cottage-core novel that explores grief, the occult, and the insidious, cyclical nature of history).
Last Fic: Yours is the Earth (Hold on, Hold On) by chickenlivesinpumpkin
Last Movie: The Babadook (I'm doing a 31 Days of Horror Movies Challenge w/ some friends, but are you guys noticing my theme here? It's spooky season! 🎃👻👹🕸️👽)
Last TV Show: Love Is Blind Season 7 (my guilty, guilty pleasure).
Sweet, Spicy, or Savory: Sweet!
Relationship Status: Single and ready to mingle! 😏
Last Thing I Googled: Eggplant Parmesan recipe. This one looks promising.
Current Obsession: Finishing my Drarry WIPs for this month!
Looking Forward To: The weekend. Can't come soon enough.
Tagging (but no pressure + sorry if this is a repeat for you!): @lizziedrip @edieblakewrites @newskyillusion @its-the-allure @thisbloodycat @tripably @sortofshea @pixiedunhoff @artmistersealy @daydreamingfoxglove
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