#The change of venue probably made a difference too

[jungwnies]

f1 grid (1/2) | forgetting their birthday

୨ৎ : featuring : max verstappen, lewis hamilton, george russell, carlos sainz, charles leclerc, lando norris, oscar piastri (click here for part two) ୨ৎ : synopsis (requested by @holycastles) : pretending to forget their birthday but actually having a huge surprise for them planned

୨ৎ : genre : romantic comedy ୨ৎ : word count : 3719

୨ৎ masterlist ୨ৎ

ᡣ𐭩 a/n : god FORBID you forget one of their birthdays... i fear everyone but verstappen and piastri might overreact a tEEEEENY bit...

ʚ・max verstappen

you knew max didn’t love big birthday celebrations. he wasn’t exactly the cake and balloons type. but still, he deserved something special. and if you had to fake forgetting the day just to throw him off? so be it.

it started that morning. he came into the kitchen, hair sticking up on one side, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. you were already at the stove, flipping pancakes like it was any other tuesday.

“morning,” he mumbled.

you glanced back over your shoulder. “morning.”

that was it. no ‘happy birthday.’ no mention of it at all.

you saw the subtle twitch of confusion in his brows, but he didn’t say anything. just grabbed a mug and poured himself some coffee.

you didn’t feel bad. okay, you felt a little bad. but it would be worth it.

by the time afternoon rolled around, max was quieter than usual. he’d disappeared into the simulator room for a couple hours, re-emerging only to plop onto the couch and scroll aimlessly on his phone.

“everything okay?” you asked, settling beside him.

he shrugged. “yeah. just… thought today might feel different.”

you leaned your head on his shoulder. “tuesdays are weird like that.”

he didn’t answer.

but when you stood up a bit later and said, “i’m just running out to grab some groceries, be back in an hour,” and kissed the top of his head, he nodded, not suspecting a thing.

what he didn’t know was that the "groceries" were actually a mad dash to finalize the surprise party you’d been planning for weeks. all his closest friends were already at the venue. there were red bull-themed decorations, his favorite food, drinks, and even a mini go-kart course set up just for him.

when you texted him an hour later, “hey, can you come meet me at this address? i need help carrying stuff,” he didn’t hesitate.

he pulled into the lot, looking around curiously. then walked inside.

and everyone yelled, “surprise!”

max blinked. for a second, you saw that classic verstappen processing face, the one he made when someone overtook him unexpectedly. then he turned to you.

“you little liar,” he said, breaking into a grin.

you shrugged. “thought tuesdays were weird like that.”

he pulled you into a hug so tight your feet almost left the ground.

“i really thought you forgot,” he murmured into your hair. “i was trying not to be upset.”

“i know,” you said, pulling back to smile up at him. “that’s how i knew it would work.”

max kissed you, soft and slow and a little overwhelmed.

“simply lovely,” he whispered.

and it was.

ʚ・lewis hamilton

you figured lewis wouldn’t throw a fit if you forgot his birthday. he wasn’t that type. but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt him.

and that’s what made the plan a little risky.

the morning of, you played it cool. real cool. too cool.

“morning,” you said, breezing past him in the kitchen as he fed roscoe.

he looked up with a sleepy smile. “morning, love.”

you kissed his cheek, grabbed a banana, and scrolled through your phone. no ‘happy birthday.’ no card. not even a cheeky joke.

you saw the faint change in his expression. his smile dipped, just slightly. like he wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to be disappointed.

but he didn’t say anything. just nodded and went back to scratching roscoe behind the ears.

you left the house an hour later, saying you had errands to run. lewis stayed behind, probably expecting you’d come back with cake or something. but you didn’t. at least, not right away.

the rest of the day, he barely said a word. he worked out, took roscoe for a walk, sat out on the balcony with a tea. every now and then he checked his phone, like he was expecting someone, maybe you, to send a text. a call. anything.

nothing came.

you got home just before sunset, acting casual as ever. “you hungry? i was thinking we could order thai tonight.”

lewis looked at you, finally speaking after what felt like hours. “you didn’t… have anything else planned today?”

you tilted your head. “should i have?”

that hurt flickered in his eyes. he hid it well. but you noticed it, because you always noticed him.

he nodded slowly. “nah. just wondering.”

you stepped closer, and before he could pull further into himself, you said, “actually… yeah. i do have something planned. but i need you to come with me.”

he raised an eyebrow.

you handed him a hoodie. “put this on. we’ve got somewhere to be.”

the drive was quiet, but you saw the gears turning in his head. he was curious now. hopeful, maybe.

when you pulled up to the small venue you’d rented for the night, he looked confused.

until he walked inside.

there was soft music playing. his closest friends, family, and team were all there. dim lights, candles, vegan food lined up buffet-style, and roscoe’s favorite treats in little bowls around the room.

photos of lewis through the years played on a loop on a big screen. gp wins. childhood go-karts. that time he dressed up as batman for halloween. all of it.

he turned to you, eyes wide.

“you didn’t forget?”

you shook your head, stepping closer, arms wrapping around his waist. “how could i forget? you just had to let me lie a little first.”

he pulled you close, forehead pressing to yours, that quiet smile finally breaking through.

“you got me,” he whispered.

“i always do.”

lewis kissed you like he’d been holding his breath all day. and maybe he had.

later that night, after the crowd thinned and it was just the two of you swaying in the soft light, he said it again.

“i really thought you forgot.”

“i know,” you murmured. “and i’m sorry for letting you think that.”

he looked at you for a long moment, thumb brushing over your cheek.

“this… this was perfect.”

and you could tell he meant it.

ʚ・george russell

you knew george would make a thing out of it.

the man had a flair for dramatics. you loved that about him. but it also meant pretending to forget his birthday was going to be a test of your own acting skills.

you woke up early on purpose, slipped out of bed before he opened his eyes, and left a post-it on the mirror that said, “went out to run errands, be back later x.”

no ‘happy birthday.’ no breakfast in bed. not even a cheeky wink.

the silence from your end was deafening.

by the time you returned home mid-afternoon, george was sitting on the couch like a man freshly betrayed. wrapped in a blanket, arms crossed, tv playing some mindless nature documentary that he was definitely not watching.

you dropped your keys on the counter and glanced over. “hey. everything alright?”

he didn’t move. “oh, splendid. never better. just enjoying the slow decay of time.”

you bit your cheek to stop from laughing. “cool. i got almond milk, by the way.”

“oh, fantastic. we can toast to that instead of, i don’t know, birthdays or being alive another year.”

you blinked. “was it someone’s birthday today?”

he whipped his head around, lips parting like you’d slapped him.

“i cannot believe this,” he said, standing up and letting the blanket fall like a cape. “you’ve forgotten. i’m going to spiral. i’m going to become a menace to society. this is your villain origin story.”

“i think you’ll survive,” you said, barely holding it together.

he threw a hand to his forehead. “i wore the nice socks today. the ones with the tiny stars on them. i thought we’d at least go out.”

you walked over to him, leaned in, and kissed his cheek. “get dressed, drama queen. we’ve got somewhere to be.”

george paused. “wait. what?”

“no more questions. just put on something that won’t wrinkle when you sit down.”

still confused but too intrigued to argue, he changed into something sharp, because of course he did, and let you drag him into the car.

you drove for about twenty minutes before pulling into a private racetrack on the outskirts of town. george stared.

“you didn’t.”

“oh, i did.”

there was a single vintage aston martin waiting on the tarmac. helmet. keys. and a sign that read “happy birthday, t-pose king.”

he looked at you with the most ridiculous expression of glee and disbelief. “you made me think you forgot. you let me sit there in existential crisis mode, wrapped in fleece, contemplating my place in the universe.”

you nodded, smirking. “and now you get to race a car that costs more than both our kidneys combined. so… you're welcome?”

george burst out laughing. “this is evil. i love it.”

he pulled you into a hug, rocking you side to side like a goof. “you are insufferable. i was actually about to text my mum.”

“and say what?”

“that you were a monster. but now i take it all back.”

you handed him the keys and grinned. “happy birthday, george.”

he kissed your forehead and gave you the most dramatic bow he could manage. “best gift ever. even if you did emotionally traumatize me first.”

“adds character.”

and with that, he took off toward the car, already shouting something about lap times and not crashing it.

you just shook your head and laughed.

he’d never let you live it down — and honestly, you didn’t mind one bit.

ʚ・carlos sainz

carlos wasn’t the type to make a fuss.

he didn’t expect fireworks or a giant party. but a little something? a kiss, a card, maybe even just a soft “happy birthday, amor” in the morning? that didn’t seem like too much.

so when he woke up to an empty apartment and a quiet kitchen, he frowned.

you were already gone. no message, no balloons, no surprise breakfast. just a sticky note near the coffee machine that said “be back later <3.”

that was it?

at first, he tried to reason with himself. maybe you were planning something. maybe he was overthinking. he went through his normal routine — showered, made coffee, and replied to dozens of “happy birthday” texts from friends and family.

but with every hour that passed and nothing came from you, the more that quiet little sting in his chest grew.

you didn’t call. you didn’t text anything special. just a casual “need anything from the store?” and a “don’t forget to hydrate.”

hydrate? on his birthday?

carlos wasn’t mad. not exactly. just… disappointed. the kind that sat heavy in his chest and made everything feel a little dull.

by the time you got home that evening, he was sunk into the couch, arms folded and mouth pulled into that very specific pout he swore wasn’t a pout.

you walked in like everything was normal, bags in hand, smile in place. “hey. you okay?”

he didn’t look at you. “fine.”

he was not fine.

you sat beside him, and he barely shifted. “you sure?”

he shrugged, voice low. “i just thought maybe today would be a little different.”

and there it was. not angry. just honest. soft, but it hit you like a punch.

“i didn’t forget,” you said gently.

he turned his head, eyes meeting yours. he didn’t say anything, but his expression asked all the questions he couldn’t put into words.

“come with me,” you said, standing up. “just trust me.”

carlos followed. quiet, still wearing that guarded expression, like he didn’t want to hope just yet. like hoping would make it worse if he was wrong.

you drove for a while, and he didn’t ask where. he just stared out the window, wondering if he had overreacted. maybe he had. maybe he hadn’t. but it still kind of hurt.

and then you pulled up to the beach.

he recognized it immediately — the quiet spot just outside the city. no tourists, no noise, just the waves and a little stretch of sand. it was the place he told you once reminded him of summer nights in mallorca.

when he stepped out and saw the setup, he froze.

there were candles tucked into the sand. a low table, set for two, his favorite food already waiting. soft string lights swaying in the breeze. a bottle of wine. a tiny chocolate cake with “feliz cumple, mi campeón” written on top.

his chest actually ached a little.

you stepped beside him. “i wanted it to be private. just us. i thought you’d like that.”

carlos stared at you, overwhelmed in that quiet way only he could be. he ran a hand through his hair and shook his head with a small laugh.

“you really let me sulk all day.”

“i didn’t think you’d get that sad.”

“i had a full sadness, cariño,” he said, grinning now. “i almost went for a drive just to feel something.”

you laughed and leaned into him, arms slipping around his waist. “happy birthday, carlos.”

he kissed your forehead, arms wrapping tightly around you. the kind of hug that said thank you and i missed you and you know me better than i know myself.

“don’t think i didn’t notice the silence,” he whispered. “you were evil for that.”

“but you love me.”

he rested his chin on your head. “unfortunately for me,” he said, smiling, “yes. i really do.”

ʚ・charles leclerc

you didn’t mean to emotionally destroy charles. but, to be fair, you also kind of did.

because pretending to forget his birthday seemed like a harmless little prank. he was dramatic anyway. he overreacted if the grocery store ran out of his favorite chocolate mousse. he once said “this is betrayal” because you changed the netflix profile photo without telling him.

so yeah, forgetting his birthday?

he would be insufferable. but it would be hilarious.

and it was.

it all started when you woke up and kissed his cheek, said “don’t forget to take out the recycling,” and walked away. no “happy birthday.” no breakfast in bed. no gift.

charles blinked at the ceiling for a full five minutes like he was processing a national tragedy.

by mid-morning, he was fully spiraling. you ignored his very obvious attempts to fish for attention — him humming happy birthday under his breath, sighing deeply while scrolling through birthday messages, and dramatically opening and closing drawers just to see if you’d hidden something.

nothing.

at noon, he facetimed arthur and told him, loudly, “yes, it’s been a very lonely birthday, merci.”

you were in the other room.

by the time 4 p.m. hit, he was flopped across the bed like a man who had lost everything. face down. motionless.

you peeked in. “charles? you good?”

he didn’t lift his head. “i have been disrespected.”

you laughed. “come on. you’re being dramatic.”

“i am a monegasque man. i feel things.”

you rolled your eyes, fighting a smile. “put on something nice.”

he finally lifted his head. “why?”

“just do it. i’m taking you out.”

he narrowed his eyes. “out where?”

you shrugged. “it’s a surprise.”

he sighed, loud and exaggerated, but he got up. grumbling. mumbling something about emotional wounds. but he followed you anyway.

you drove up the hillside to one of his favorite spots overlooking monaco. he liked it because it was quiet. and because the view reminded him of home in a way that didn’t involve flashing cameras or team meetings.

when he got out of the car and saw the little table set up, the candles flickering, the box of pastries from his favorite bakery, and the tiny red-and-white checkered flag stuck in the cake… he froze.

“you didn’t forget?”

you grinned. “of course i didn’t forget.”

his mouth fell open like you’d told him you were actually a secret agent. he turned around in a slow, dramatic circle.

“you let me mourn. i was mourning.”

“yeah, i saw that.”

“i told arthur i was emotionally abandoned. you made me lie to my own brother.”

you handed him a fork. “eat your cake, romeo.”

charles laughed, stepping closer and pulling you into the tightest hug you’d ever gotten from him.

“you’re terrible,” he whispered.

“but?”

he kissed your forehead. “but i love you. even if you are a little monster.”

you smirked. “happy birthday, drama king.”

“never do this to me again,” he said, full pout back in place. “i aged five years today. emotionally.”

ʚ・lando norris

you didn’t actually forget lando’s birthday.

you just didn’t say anything right away.

why? because watching your boyfriend slowly unravel in quiet confusion while trying so hard to act like he doesn’t care? prime entertainment. especially when it’s lando and you know his first response to emotional distress is going live on twitch like a victorian child playing the piano in a thunderstorm.

you left him a kiss on the cheek that morning. said something casual like, “i’ve got errands today, might be gone for a while.” no happy birthday, no gifts, no hints.

he blinked. “okay… cool.”

then you walked out.

lando sat there for a while. fully dressed in his comfy hoodie, expecting a “surprise!” to pop out from the bedroom or kitchen or shower. nothing. the apartment was silent.

he gave it an hour. then opened twitch.

“yo,” he mumbled into the mic. “what’s up, guys.”

chat immediately popped off:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KING!!!

WHERE’S Y/N??

ISN’T IT DATE NIGHT??

YOU STREAMING ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?

BE FR, ARE YOU OK

lando forced a smile. “yeah… nothing planned today. just thought i’d chill with you guys instead.”

he sipped his red bull dramatically. “no big deal or anything. just a regular day. like any other. i’m not sad.”

he absolutely sounded sad.

even his “poggers” had less energy than usual.

at one point he read a message and went, “no no, she didn’t forget, i don’t think… i mean, probably not. right?”

silence.

he died in-game two seconds later.

an hour into the stream, he looked directly into the camera and said, “if anyone asks, i’m emotionally strong. like… very mentally resilient. super fine.”

right on cue, your voice came from the door behind him: “hey, lan?”

he turned around so fast he nearly fell out of his chair. “yeah?”

you peeked in. “can you come downstairs real quick?”

“what for?”

you shrugged. “just come on.”

lando hesitated, told chat “brb maybe she finally remembered i exist” and followed you downstairs.

waiting outside was a surprise birthday setup on the rooftop deck of your building. pizza, cake, his favorite snacks, party lights, a mini projector set up to play shrek 2 (because of course), and all his closest friends quietly waiting with party hats on.

he blinked. then laughed. then rubbed his face like he was overwhelmed but also completely relieved.

“you’re evil,” he said, pulling you into a hug.

“you were really about to stream all night, huh?”

“i was playing the long game. guilt stream.”

“happy birthday, twitch boy.”

he looked around at everything, grinning like an idiot. “okay yeah. worth the emotional damage. ten out of ten.”

ʚ・oscar piastri

you weren’t actually going to forget oscar’s birthday.

please. you’d had the whole thing planned for weeks. the idea was simple: pretend to forget, act super casual all day, then hit him with a surprise dinner, a stack of his favorite snacks, and a handmade card that said “happy birthday, nerd <3” in glitter glue.

classic. easy. foolproof.

except there was one flaw in the plan: oscar literally didn’t care.

the day started normally. you woke up, kissed his cheek, got out of bed like it was just any other morning. no mention of birthdays, no presents, not even a wink.

he just stretched and went, “do we have any cereal left?”

you expected some reaction. a confused glance. maybe a suspicious squint. but nope. he poured cereal, sat at the table, and started talking about tire degradation in the australian grand prix like it was a normal tuesday in april.

you were still waiting for the shift. for the "heh… you forgot something?" moment. it never came.

by lunchtime, you started to panic.

you casually said, “nothing special going on today?”

he looked up from his sandwich. “nah. not really.”

no sarcasm. no hint of drama. just full, honest indifference.

that’s when it hit you: he actually didn’t care that you hadn’t said anything. not even a little.

and that made you spiral.

“oh absolutely not,” you whispered to yourself, already grabbing your bag.

by the time oscar finished his sim session, the apartment was unrecognizable.

the lights were dimmed. candles were everywhere. a blanket fort was in the living room, fairy lights tangled in the sheets. on the table: pizza, garlic bread, a mini chocolate cake, and a birthday card shaped like a tire that said “p1 in being born.”

he blinked. “uh.”

you appeared from behind the couch, slightly out of breath and holding a party hat. “sit down. we’re celebrating your birth. no arguments.”

oscar raised an eyebrow. “i thought you forgot.”

“that was part of the plan. but then i realized you didn’t even care, and that was way worse.”

“i really didn’t,” he said honestly. “it’s just not a big—”

you shoved garlic bread in his mouth. “it is. you’re my favorite person and you were born today and that is a top-tier event.”

oscar slowly chewed. then smiled a little. “this is ridiculous.”

“you deserve ridiculous.”

he sat down, pulled the party hat over his hair with zero resistance, and looked around at the chaos.

“i seriously didn’t expect this.”

you nudged the cake closer to him. “good. i wanted to catch you off guard. you never let people do stuff for you.”

he paused. “yeah. i guess i don’t.”

you sat beside him. “well, too bad. today’s not about what you think you need. it’s about me forcing love upon you in the form of carbohydrates.”

he let out a quiet laugh, eyes soft as he looked over at you.

“thank you,” he said. “really.”

you smiled. “happy birthday, oscar.”

and for a guy who “didn’t care,” he looked suspiciously close to being emotional.

but he just picked up a slice of pizza and said, “do i at least get to pick the movie?”

“absolutely, birthday boy.”

2021-2025 © jungwnies | All rights reserved. Do not repost, plagiarize, or translate

[simpjaes]

frontman agenda ― p.js

It’s been so long since he’s seen you, and for a moment he thought he was seeing things like so many times before. Every song has a part of you in it, and now you’re here, looking at him as if he never broke your heart to begin with. Or the one where you and Jay were highschool sweethearts, years after the break up, he’s suddenly seeing you in the crowd at his first ever sold out show. 

minors do not interact. 

WORDCOUNT― 6.2k

PAIRING― frontman ! Jay x afab ex girlfriend reader

CONTENT―  exes to lovers, fluffy shit because im in love, soulmate type shit

WARNINGS― reader is in a different relationship with some unknown character. He’s barely mentions and jay matters more anyway so…infidelity. 

SIDE CHARACTERS― mentions of jake, sunghoon, and heeseung being his fellow band members.

NOTE― probably not that good. jay released that bon jovi cover and i couldn’t help myself. This is VERY FLUFFY AND DOMESTIC AND IT’S BC IM IN LOVE. self indulgent as fuck. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

smut tags :: passionate shit, making out, big dick jay, barely any foreplay and that's self explanatory, unprotected sex, pregnancy, DOMESTIC SHIT OK??????????? Actually there’s more fluff than smut but whatever

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You always supported him. It’s he who didn’t support you, always expecting you to travel with him, to follow him around without worry of your own goals in life. When you got into that big university with an even bigger smile on your face a full year after graduating highschool, he knew it was over. You weren’t willing to bend and change for him, and he certainly wasn’t giving up his dream to sit in classrooms for another four years. Fuck, he hadn’t even considered it.

He just wanted to enjoy that single gap year with you as the two of you tried to match futures.

It was over.

Now he’s made it, somehow. Frontman of a band singing songs about how he’s broken hearts. Jay sits against the plush couch backstage, for the first time in years feeling stage fright solely because this is the first time they’ve made a personal history. 

“We sold out!” He remembers Jake yelling just a week ago, grabbing him into a painful group hug along with the others, and that’s the moment his stomach started flipping. 

It’s real now. They really have fans. They’ve made it. All the hard work paid off after each show, new faces at every show, the small group of familiar faces growing larger and larger. 

They have groupies, they have fans, people love them. 

The couch he’s sitting on doesn’t offer much comfort as he sits here in his own nervous sweat, euphoria and fear bubbling throughout his entire body. As if he hasn’t done dozens of shows by now, this one seems different. 

A full house, a full fucking at-capacity show here to cheer them on, here to see them. God, he’s nervous. Each time he glances at the venue staff, his members, his manager, he forces a smile to hide the feeling of nausea. 

It works up until he’s on that center stage, ruffling his own hair, shaking his hands before plucking the strings, spotlight blinding him, belting his heart out to songs he wrote in his deepest stupors of loneliness. Even when he holds the mic out just to see if people are here as fans, the crowd loves it, proving him right with each missed word of his songs being shouted back at him. 

Hundreds of people all at once singing his lyrics, nodding to Heeseung’s bass line, scrunching their noses with each guitar squeal from Jake, each drum segment from Sunghoon. 

And it feels great, so great that the sick feeling in his stomach doubles out of admiration for the people who gave them a chance, for the people who allowed him to live his own dream. To prove everyone in his life wrong for doubting this.

The venue’s max capacity is only a mere six hundred, but that’s six hundred fans, and those who couldn’t attend spam their social media posts begging to do another show, pleading to come back so they get their chance to attend too. It could be more than six hundred tonight, it could be more than a few thousand by the end of the year. 

They could expand, they could go across the country, maybe even different countries someday. Tonight solidifies that.

They really made it. The next venue will have to be bigger, they’ll have to get a new van, they’ll be able to start staying in hotels instead of that very van when they’re travelling. No more fast food to hold them over, new equipment, maybe they can even get real merch rather than printed T-shirts Sunghoon’s mom worked tirelessly to complete for them. 

And each lyric flows from his throat like honey, no mishaps, no voice breaks. Jay is killing it as his nausea fades away. Heeseung is strumming that bass harder than he ever has, Sunghoon in the back keeping the beat at the perfect deafening pace. Jake and Jay both on guitar, picking up where the other leaves off. It’s a beautiful night.

Everything is good. Leaving his home town was worth it. In the back of his mind, leaving you was worth it. 

Then, mid guitar solo in one of his most emotional, thought provoking songs, that spotlight shifts and he’s looking out in the crowd with sparkling eyes. His confidence is through the roof, his heart is pounding, he can physically feel his music make an impact. The sweat on his brow feels like heaven as it drips down, hearing the screams, loving the energy so much even he could scream.

He tries to remember every face in that crowd, these people who played a part in their first ever sold out show. And he’s doing a good fucking job at it until he looks to the left, two rows from the stage. 

His eyes meet something familiar. Irises he’s stared into before. Cheeks he’s caressed long ago, lips he’s kissed, shoulders he’s massaged.

His heart skips a beat, his fingers fuck up his solo, his breath is caught in his throat. 

You witness the reaction, feeling small in this crowd of people who love the men on stage. With the way they shout, the way they keep their camera out, you can argue that you’re invisible here. You didn’t think he would see you after the first three songs with no eye contact or nods from him, and that comforted you.

But now he’s seen you.

You felt your skin prickle, despite knowing there was a chance he would. It feels a bit awkward, but you lend him a smile, nodding your head to the music that reminds you of all the women he must have had after you. All that heartbreak through lyrics, all that yearning through strums, he must have gotten around. 

If the women in this crowd shouting his name is anything to go by, you wouldn’t blame him for it either. Still, that hurts a little bit. It’s not that you hadn’t moved on or anything. You really did support his dreams until they became unrealistic. You can imagine he must feel powerful now, knowing he’s proved you wrong and you’re witnessing it. 

He was right. He could have made it, and he did. Then again, you weren’t wrong either. You got into your dream university, you graduated top of your class, and you’re working the exact job you wanted, in the exact field, with the exact pay. 

You both made it, and that sense of pride overwhelms any lingering feelings from the past, of guilt, of jealousy. You couldn’t help it when you saw the social media posts being shared between all of your mutual friends. For years you had to forget him, heart broken and still so deeply in love with him, it wasn’t strange that you’d mute his name and block any account advertising for him.

In a way, you pitied him in the first year after you broke up. Before you had blocked him to save yourself the pain, seeing him push and practically beg for people to listen to his music really, really was heartbreaking. You did support him, but you didn’t believe in him. 

You should have. 

That’s why you’re here. You had unblocked him at least a year ago, feeling okay, well established in a different relationship by that point. You saw the flyer being shared all over. So much praise, so many shares on the posts, and…well, the band looked more legit. Jay looked good, a little more grown, fitting the image of a frontman more than he ever had. Even with the smeared eye liner and the hair messier than he used to wear it, he looks like a real rock star now.

The fact that you had to fight for this ticket should have been proof enough, you even showed up hours upon hours before the doors opened to get close enough, and now here you are, realizing that maybe you’d have preferred being in the back.

He’s not just your ex boyfriend. He’s your ex boyfriend that proved you wrong all those years ago. And there he is, right back on track with his song as if he never noticed you in the first place, not glancing at you a second time throughout the rest of the show.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“This way.” A staff member of the venue drags you past equipment, down a long hallway. 

You’d argue that this is probably something that is expected with local bands, especially local bands selling out the last small venue, indicating they’re outgrowing it. 

Still, the staff member says nothing more than directions to you as he leads you around, straight to a large room with couches, mirrors, and clothes thrown about. You can barely get your wits about you before you feel a powerful force against your back.

“Holy shit!” Heeseung shouts from behind, wrapping his arms around you tightly before letting you go and spinning you around. “It’s been, what? Four, five years?!” 

You thought you could keep your composure seeing this group of idiots again, remember all those times in the garage laughing and playing games between practice sessions. 

Jake is quick to attack you next, followed by the still, far more calm, Sunghoon. 

Naturally, your assumption is that one of them called for you to be back here. After all, you were tightly woven into this friend group all throughout highschool. The excitement of being together once again booms until Jay walks into the room. 

The room goes quiet as Jake scratches at the back of his neck and looks at you apologetically, noting how you’re still laughing and bright. At first, you hadn’t noticed Jay coming in through the excitement, but when you turn to look at what’s suddenly stressed the atmosphere, you meet his eye again.

He doesn’t look away, he just…waves?

“Right, so–” Sunghoon explains, ushering both Heeseung and Jake toward the door. “We’ve gotta go check on our stuff, you know, make sure the staff isn’t throwing our shit against a wall or something.” 

And then they’re gone.

And now you’re here, alone.

Despite Jay being right there, you feel alone. All those emotions from the day he broke up with you rushing back. Like a love struck teenager, you feel it again. You were here to support them, to show how proud you are of them, not to see Jay again. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

Nevermind the fact that you didn’t question why you wanted to be here, nevermind the thoughts in the back of your head, excited to see him again. 

“How was the show?” Jay suddenly speaks out, filling the silence with words that feel empty. 

“Good. It was good.” You nod awkwardly. “I knew you guys could do it.”

He looks at you dumbfounded, almost offended. It wouldn’t be right to bring up all those feelings from before, not now. It would seem juvenile, after all, it’s been years. Then again, Jay has never been good at keeping himself in check. 

You still aren’t even looking at him now. In fact, you’re avoiding eye contact as you wander around the room, fiddling with hair brushes and ratty t-shirts hanging on a rack. 

“Did you though?” He questions, throwing himself down on the couch in a huff. “I never expected you to show up at one of our gigs.”

You nod, keeping your eyes to yourself. 

“Of course I did. I always knew you’d put in the effort.” 

You hear him let out a scoff, one so quiet you almost don’t hear it. But it’s familiar. A sound he’d give to you when he knew you were just saving face, when he knew you were feeling guilty. 

“Why’d you come?” He says now, still looking at you. Unable to not look at you, actually. 

You look like you’ve matured so much, wearing an outfit that you would have thrived in back in the day, but you seem almost uncomfortable in it now. God, he remembers how pretty you were when you’d smile at him, when you’d just look at him as if he created the world just for you. 

It’s such a distant memory now, with your prettier lips and prettier eyes. He can’t imagine you’d ever look at him that way again. 

You both really took separate paths. 

He watches you shrug at his question before you turn around, glancing at him only for a moment, before averting your eyes again to busy yourself with something else.

“Seriously, why’d you come if you can’t even look at me?” He snaps now, standing to his feet and coming up to you. He can’t really help it if he’s being honest. It’s kind of a rush to see you again, to have so much to catch up on, so much to bury.

“Why are you here?”

“Didn’t someone call me back?” You argue slightly, forced to meet his eye. 

“I did,” He says your name so sternly. “Do you even know how many times I’ve looked for you in the crowds? Why now?”

You remain silent, guilty almost. You didn’t expect him to question you, better yet be standing in front of you like this claiming to have seeked you out for so long. He’s the one who didn’t want to bend, he’s the one who wouldn’t break for a safe, comfortable life. Not you. You wanted everything with him, everything but instability. 

“Because you were proven wrong?” He almost seethes it out, narrowing his eyes at you. “I always wondered what this day would feel like–”

“Jay,” You swallow hard. “That was so long ago. I just said those things because I was hurt that you were–”

“It doesn’t feel as good as I imagined.” He scoffs, interrupting and ignoring you as you try to speak. “Did you come here expecting to laugh?” 

You shake your head, now, only now, do you really look at him. 

His own breath is caught in his throat when you look at him. There it is. There’s those eyes he used to get lost in. And you look at him as if he isn’t the guy on stage who promises heartbreak and good sex. You look at him like you used to, when you’d study his face before a kiss in the middle of the night, out of breath and glistening with sweat. 

And upon actually looking at him, seeing him grow into that massive head of his, doing what he loves. There’s more shine in his eyes than before, more passion for his music, for life in general. 

And then there’s you in an outfit you had to buy because your closet is filled with business casual attire that will always feel itchy. Your hair, no longer colored or messy, your nose ring removed. Conformed to the very job you dreamed of. 

Did you really dream of it? Of security through desks and excel spreadsheets? Of a boss who doesn’t give two shits about you and co-workers who gossip behind your back? Of that boyfriend of yours who is slowly moving up in the company solely because he gives in to the lap-dog lifestyle for the CEO? 

You own your own home already, Jay probably lives in a rented apartment with the guys. You have a car, a nice job, a boyfriend who makes decent money. Yet, you’re jealous. You’re regretting it.

Have you always been this shallow? Looking down on Jay and his dreams because, at the time, it wasn’t realistic? 

Well, look at the reality now. 

And you don’t have a choice really, as you stare at him. What if you had gone with him? You’d have remained unemployed, no degree in hand, but…would it have been worth it?

You can’t fool yourself into believing it would be. It would have been fun, passionate even. But…what even is passion to you? Sex? The office you sit in day after day? Owning your own home? Your cat? Your boyfriend? The feeling thumping in your veins right now? The way your heart rate spikes when he looks at you? 

“I was wrong.” You say, still looking at him, this time bringing your hands up to grab at his arms. “Is that what you want to hear?” 

He ticks his tongue at you, looking to the floor. 

“I wish it was.” 

You shake your head, unable to lie to yourself, nor him. Tonight was the first time you heard his music since he broke up with you. Even so, no lyric was heard. Even with the hundreds of people shouting them out. You couldn’t hear it, not the guitar riffs, not the drums, the bass, nothing. 

Truthfully, all you could see was Jay. All you could hear was his voice, how even it had gotten, how much skill he had worked to grow. Yet, still, the lyrics were foreign to you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He almost laughs now. The audacity for you to show up here, on what should be one of the best nights of his life. The fucking confidence you must have to show up, as if you weren’t proved wrong. As if you have the right. 

To look at him like this and not even put up a fight? To not tell him how you’re doing? How your life is so much better without him? How you’d never have wanted to live this life or see him work tooth and fucking nail for this night. 

As if half of the fucking tracklist wasn’t entirely rooted in the break up. If you had listened, perhaps you’d have been aware that letting him see you again was a dangerous choice. 

He fell in love again. All over again. 

Seeing you in that crowd reminded him so much of the days you’d be the only one in front of them, cheering, dancing, looking at him as if you truly believed in him. For a moment upon seeing you, it was just like practice. He felt like he could fuck up, like you’d run up on stage and kiss him, tell him it would all be okay. That he could try again, that he’d never disappoint his fans even if he tried.

“Maybe, um–” You finally speak up again. “Maybe I should go.”

For just a second, he heard a break in your voice. A sound that used to hurt him too. God, the feeling of being right should be making him feel good, but instead, it hurts. He almost reaches out on instinct. 

He can’t just make you stay, not after approaching you so aggressively. Not after questioning you like this, as if the past still matters. It doesn’t to you, and it shouldn’t to him.

Then again, his job is to process his emotions. Is he so wrong to have continued to hurt? To think of you so often and to write so many songs practically dedicated to you?

You, a woman he barely knows now. 

And it hurts more when you back away, heading towards the door. He knows if you close it behind you, you’ll never show up again. Not for him, not for Jake, for Sunghoon, nor Heeseung. Not for any of them. He’s effectively pushed you out, and for what? 

To be right? To make sure you know he’s hurting? Did he even make that clear?

“Wait.” He rushes up behind you, grabbing you and turning you toward him. 

If being whipped around didn’t give you whiplash, feeling his hands on you definitely did. It shocks you briefly, looking up at him one last time. 

“Just, wait.” He adds, his words now disappearing from his mind entirely. He doesn’t know what to say, or what to do. 

“I–” He pauses again. 

“Jay, it’s fine.” You say softly, trying to wiggle from his grasp and open the door. “I shouldn’t have come.”

And then, your heart sinks. 

“Stop being like this.” He whispers as he tugs you against him, so closely against him that you couldn’t run or break free even if you wanted to. He hugs you so tightly, tighter than the day he broke up with you. Tighter than he knew he could. 

It’s kind of heart breaking, and you only say that because you can physically feel your heart shattering at all that was lost on that fateful day. The day you both walked away and lived your life apart. It could have worked. If either of you had more faith or the ability to co-exist with different careers. 

“You came here to see me, right?” He whispers against your shoulder, hugging you tightly still. 

Silence.

“Right?” 

And you hear his voice shake when he asks it again, as if needing reassurance, as if his hot-headed self didn’t mean to interrogate you. As if he was never angry, or resentful. As if he never made the inevitable choice to leave first. 

Boyfriend be damned. How can you lie now? 

You nod against him, wrapping your arms around his middle and squeezing him just as tightly. 

“You used to read me like a fucking book–” His voice shakes more. “You’re just too stuck-up now to know that I miss you.”

You almost laugh, your own eyes tearing up against him as you just let yourself go. Just this once. 

“It was so long ago–” You try to poke at him with your words, playfully tearful. 

“Too long.”

Oh god. It’s back. All those feelings hitting you like a tsunami wave slamming into a fucking wall. You cry. Happily, you cry. It’s been that long, he’s right. When you think about it, it’s been that long since you’ve felt something so powerful. 

Something so moving. Something only he could make you feel. 

Fuck. 

And when he pulls back, trusting that you won’t run, he looks at you with his hopeful eyes. Fuck, always so hopeful.  Both of you see each other in waves, as if this was a long time coming. 

“Right person, wrong time.” He states as if it’s a fact, closing in on you so quickly you can barely comprehend his words. 

It happens as if something else is controlling your body, and maybe it is. You move naturally, snapping into him like a lost puzzle piece that’s finally been found again. The kiss, so familiar and nostalgic to you that it’s difficult to think straight.

All those nights you had wondered what would happen if you saw him again. You feared the inevitable, but never this. The inevitable to you was becoming a stranger to him, yet…he never let you. Even after years of no contact, he’s always known you. 

There was no question, not even a hint of doubt when you attached your lips to his. This is the mouth that hummed all those pretty words that you couldn’t comprehend, the mouth that you’ve lied about missing. This is Jay, this is the person you thought you could move on from. 

Facing him again is proof enough that you both tried. You both failed to move past that puppy love that seemed so immature. 

You had to leave to grow, arguably he did too. You’re both living your dream, and for years you thought Jay would never be part of it. Yet…here you are, being pulled by him, all the way to the couch where he falls back, holding your face so firmly against his own in a kiss he’d been dreaming about. 

The kiss only grows deeper from here, with you unable to care that you’re on top of him, only wanting more, more, more. Feeling his hands rub up your back prickles your skin, hearing his slight chuckle when he angles his head to lick into your mouth deeper– all of it. It feels right, like this is what you’re supposed to be doing.

“What about now?” He whispers against your lips, caressing your cheek as he pulls back to look at you.

That light in his eye only looks brighter now. 

God, you don’t even know what he’s referring to, nor do you care. You simply lean in again, kissing him harder, hands reaching into his hair and scratching at his nape. 

You’ve missed him, you’ve missed this, you both deprived yourselves of this. No more. No more.

And for a moment, deep in your embrace, you swear you heard the door open, a quick shuffle, the lock turning, and the door slamming closed. But it didn’t matter to you. Who ever saw knows you are more than a fucking groupie, a fucking lay that the front man has probably gotten time and time again. 

Not tonight. Even if only this once, Jay is yours again.

“Never–” Jay breathes, trailing his hand down to hold against your thighs, scooting you closer in his lap. “Never thought you’d come back to me.” 

You didn’t think you would either. 

And he remains silent after this, as you grope and grind like two fucking virgins in love. Messy, fast, entirely tuned into the other every second of the way. You don’t shy away when he lifts your shirt, humming at your body, hugging at it, kissing and licking against it.

Loving you entirely, that’s what he’s doing. Missing you, taking what he can get, obsessed with every passing second. And you can feel the way he yearns under his pants, a thickness that used to be so familiar to you.

You grab at his hair, missing the way he’d let you be the one to always mess it up for him throughout the day. Such a mess he is, such a mess you have become. And you love it, with the kisses always being so sloppy with him. It’s like all these years never passed, and you’ve been with him all this time. 

There’s so many things about him you remember, small things. Scratching the nape of his neck just to get a reaction. 

“You still like this?” You whisper against his breathless lips, tapping and scratching his neck. 

He hums, lost in it. 

“What about you?” He retorts, “You still like my fingers?” 

As he says it, he breaks another boundary, sliding his hand under your skirt just to ghost them over your thighs, just to tease you. In all fairness though, the boundary has already been shattered. The moment you landed on his lap and felt it, you knew your life as it stands would be at risk. 

And it’s not from lust, or being turned on. It has nothing to do with any of that shit. It’s entirely the passion of this act and the sheer lack of it you’ve had since he left. You really tried to fool yourself in thinking your current boyfriend did all the right things with all the right parts of you. Never rubbing your clit for long enough. Never kissing you messily, like he needed you. Never, fucking ever lasting long enough for you to get any enjoyment out of it. Hell, the motherfucker keeps his socks on 80% of the time, and when he doesn’t, you know he may last at least an extra minute. 

Oh my god, you’ve settled for less. And Jay only continues to remind you of that with nothing more than kissing you and barely touching you. 

“Fuck.” You deadpan, dropping your head to his shoulder and stiffening up on his lap. “Jay, I fucked up.” 

He smirks, despite knowing you don’t see it. 

“Did you?” He whispers, running his hands up your thighs now, fully touching, almost guiding you. “What about now?” He repeats his question from before and only now do you recognize what he’s saying. 

“Right person, wrong time.” He said just minutes before this. 

What about now? 

You whimper at the realization. What about now. What about it? He’s asking you so quickly to just uproot your life? Kick your boyfriend out and break up with him? Does he expect you to quit your job? What about your cat? You can’t imagine she’d enjoy life on the road. 

Yet, you nod. Rutting forward as you hide your face further into his shoulder, skewing your head to his neck. 

“You want me to fuck up my life for you now?” You groan, feeling that stiffness under you twitch, yet still, you rut harder. “Just kick him out and move you in?”

Jay pauses, his hands on your thighs loosening their grip. 

“Him?” He tries to skew his own head back to look at you, but you hug at him harder, hiding deeper as you nod with another guilty whimper. 

Somehow though, that…that does something.

You moved on, you’re with someone else. You are fucking living with someone else yet…you’re clinging to him. 

You moved on? Perhaps you tried to. 

Jay’s hands grip against you again, guiding you harder, as if to prove how much he wants to keep you. 

“I did always dream about what it would be like when we’d move in together.” Jay reminisces slightly. “Always pictured my guitar right by your desk, you’d work from home, and I’d piss you off by playing all day for you.” 

Still, you grind on him only now, he feels your lips on his neck. 

“Yes. Kick him out.” 

There’s no pause in your movements, nor in his own as he finally pushes forward, touching the fabric of your panties and cooing out to you, turning his head to inhale your scent, quickly pushing your panties to the side just to feel more. 

“Aw, baby–” He whispers. “This getting you off?” 

Ugh, yeah. It is. 

You’re right here with him, feeling everything at once as his fingers toy with you, as his natural scent fills your nose, the dried sweat on his neck salty and delicious as you taste…and all you can think about is how your life could change. That little fantasy of his rings so loudly in your head.

Coming here tonight is giving you the chance to pick up where you left off, and if your soft moan at feeling his fingers slide into you for the first time is anything to go by, perhaps you’ve already taken that first step. 

You think about what might happen, not feeling guilty in the slightest at what you’re doing right now. Even the thought of coming clean to your boyfriend in your mind doesn’t feel scary to you. Because you don’t love him, you never did. How would this work? Jay travels for shows while you stay at home all alone? 

Couldn’t be much worse than feeling so alone at home even while your boyfriend is there, right? Is Jay even being serious about this, or is this some sort of elaborate plan to show you what you gave up? 

Then, your mind goes blank as he scissors his fingers open, his other arm holding you around the waist as he ruts up himself now. He grunts slightly, hearing the wet sounds of how much you must have missed him too. All those songs he wrote, all that heartbreak, even lyric about fucking, and loving– it was because he hasn’t felt this, and he needed to. 

No matter who he fucked, they never sounded quite as pretty as you. They never felt so warm around his fingers, or so beautifully heavy on top of him. 

And there’s no more words to be had now as his mind goes blank, pulling his fingers from you and bringing both hands straight to your shoulders, forcing your face from his now, very colorful neck. 

“Are we going to do this?” He looks at you, both hands on your cheeks. “I don’t want to let myself do any more if you’re not going to stay this time.” 

There it is.. That’s what you needed to hear.

Such a hard hitting question, but you know better than anyone, you realize, that Jay won’t give up on what he wants. He’ll take no for an answer, but you’ll feel his pain forever. He’s not going to try if you’re not on the same page with him.

What was supposed to just be you watching his band, wondering what could have been in the depths of your brain, has become reconciliation. 

You look back at him, drawing your eyes down to his heaving chest, his thick cock pressing against his pants, the way his arms flex as he holds you here. He appears desperate for an answer, which is…so fucking hot. Then you meet his eye again, that hope you’ve seen in them larger than you’ve ever witnessed. 

You tear up slightly at the death of whatever fucking life you have right now. You’ve always been a mess, pretending you weren’t has done nothing but shelter you under financial forms and shitty sex. 

And look at Jay. Look at this room. He gets to be a mess, he gets to scream and shout all of his emotions, he gets to rip his clothes and wear them proudly. 

Fuck the corduroy blazers, and fuck the boring white socks. 

When you nod, you hear the breath neither of you knew you were holding release, and suddenly…it’s quiet.

Your brain is at ease as he gently pushes you up from his lap, and the way both of you giggle to each other when he lays you back, hand behind your head, other hand on your waist only makes your face feel hot. 

It’s like the first time again, despite the dirty words, and everything he remembered about you comes into play. All those little places against your skin he used to love is being reclaimed by his lips, and he savors it. 

You savor it. Feeling goosebumps raise like spring flowers at each graze of his teeth, his fingertips so gentle yet bruising against your chest. That sound of his zipper being pushed down, the feeling of its weight, the wetness seeping from the tip against your leg as he slides himself up, kissing you.

Really fucking kissing you this time. There’s no urgency, no fear that you’ll break free from it. His tongue is slow and wet, licking into your mouth with pleased little hums, his hips sliding his cock back and forth against your leg, wondering if you’ll still do what you used to.

And you do, reaching down to guide him, your other hand holding your panties to the side just to–

“Oh,” You moan in surprise, feeling him take full control and push in all the way until his abs are flush against your clit. Like he genuinely couldn’t fucking wait to be inside you.

“Jay–” 

He’s holding his breath again, mouth slack against your own open lips. God, it feels so good. 

“Mmf,” He muffles a supposed word against you, licking mid-thought into your mouth as his stomach flips at feeling your pussy clench around him. “My name,” 

You remember. 

“Jay,” You whisper now, holding his bottom lip between your teeth after, remembering that he likes that too. 

The near purr that rumbles from his chest is all you need to hear, and the feeling of his hips now moving, relentlessly is all you need to feel. 

You know Jay, at the core, you know him. And arguably, he knows you too, holding you so lovingly despite fucking so harshly. Missionary was always something you loved before you met your current boyfriend, or, well, ex boyfriend you guess. 

Fully clothed, everything Jay gives to you feels like a harsh, enamouring stab to your soul, and you don’t know how you ever let him go in the first place. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You huff, tearing your blue-light glasses from your face and pinching the bridge of your nose. On your left, sits your asshole of a cat who cannot, or will not stop fucking with your cup of pens. 

And on your right, sits a mess. 

Hair sticking up all over, he hasn’t even put on his clothes yet but he sits sprawled out in that black underwear, guitar in hand. 

You can’t concentrate. 

“Babe,”  Jay groans from his seat, “Baby.” He reiterates. 

You lean back in your chair with a groan, squeezing your eyes shut. 

“You only have two days left and you’re free.”

You nod to him, the stress still bubbling in your gut. He makes enough for all four of you. 

Himself, your cat, you…

You still can’t believe you’ve quit your job, even while knowing he’s not home six months out of the year. He still would call you every night, kept the passion alive through video calls, whispered silent words, sent packages, photos. 

“Few more months and the hiatus will be announced too.” He reassures you. “Don’t work so hard, the baby will come out with a knife or something.”

You chuckle, feeling him come up behind you and rub at your shoulders. You lean back even further, head bumping his chest as you tilt your head up to look at him. 

His eyes are still so hopeful, and thankfully, that’s part of him that never seems to die. 

“Why don’t you go ahead and clock out? I can call the guys over and-“ 

You shake your head, now twirling your chair to hug around his waist. 

“They’ve been more obnoxious since they found out, do you want to stress me out more?”

He smiles down at you, now humming a new tune he’s been working on relentlessly. After all, they need this album finished before his hiatus. Then, he nods.

“Just me and you then?”

Always. Just Jay and you. 

[odoraful]

𝑨 𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑶𝑭 𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑬

you and zayne attend a wedding of a childhood friend, and zayne thinks about what could have been

⟡ content: gn!reader; reader is described as wearing a dress; made-up childhood friends for backstory purposes; more bittersweetness but i swear the sweetness outweighs the bitterness!; 4k wc (a little longer than my usual, but pls give it a chance > <)

⟡ a/n: kinda had billie eilish's birds of a feather in my head when writing this :') been on my zayne bittersweet streak because i've been sentimental about him, but i swear i will be back to writing fluffy pieces soon :D also writing endings are so hard for me !! i hope it doesn't fall too flat in the end aahh

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The last time Zayne attended a wedding he had hardly known the groom and left as soon as the dance floor opened up to guests.

His relationship to the groom was that of a loose acquaintance when he was still a university student. In fact, that person had invited most of the medicine cohort to his wedding, close or otherwise. Is it socially appropriate to attend a wedding of someone who isn’t close to you? Zayne had texted his parents asking for advice, who, at the time, were probably on the other side of the globe on a medical rescue mission. Even so, they still managed to reply to their son. If he invited you, then he wants you to come, sweetie, his mother answered. It’ll be a good chance for you to forget about your studies for a night and have some fun! his father responded. And so, he ticked ‘accept’ box on the RSVP letter.

As for the dancing, however, it just wasn’t his idea of fun.

The night was pleasant enough, and he enjoyed the change of scenery. Though he felt minor affection towards the couple performing their first dance, he could admit it was rather pretty and sentimental.

This wedding was different though.

This time he was closer to the bride and groom, seeing as he grew up with them. They had all attended the same primary school, and even though his contact with them throughout the years had been sporadic at best, he still held fondness for them from that period of his childhood.

And, most importantly, he had you with him as his partner and plus one. Honestly, he believed many things became more bearable with you at his side.

The wedding venue was a spectacle, located in a high rise building in the heart of Linkon City. Archways filled with white and pink flowers guided people towards the grand entrance where a sign that read ‘Welcome to the wedding of April and James’ stood. Inside, thick velvet curtains were tied away to reveal open large glass doors leading to balconies overlooking the glistening city below. Projected throughout the edges of the room were holographic photos of the couple. Some were of them at various destinations they’ve travelled to, but many were just everyday photos, taken on dates outside or in their home.

You and Zayne stood by one of these holograms. You had arrived a little earlier than the time provided and were taking a turn around the wide space, admiring the set up.

“Look at this!” you exclaimed, pointing over to a hologram and hurrying over to it before it was replaced by another image. “It’s a photo from back in primary school.”

Zayne followed his excited partner, seeing the skirt of your dress fluttering against your legs. Sure enough, it was a photo of you and the couple along with other students from many, many years ago.

“You’re not in this one though, Zayne,” you said, furrowing your brows.

“If my memory is correct, I wasn’t in the same class as you,” he replied.

“Ahh,” you sounded in remembrance. “We spent so much time together when we were little, I guess I always assumed that you were.”

The photo seemed to be from a school trip, likely taken by a teacher. Six students were squished together in a line with arms draped across shoulders and a victorious look on their face. One student on the very end held up a peace sign beside their eye. Though the face was rounder, that toothy grin was unmistakably yours. He fondly remembered that face from his childhood.

Zayne observed your animated expression as you recounted the story behind the photo.

You had chosen to wear a silky navy-blue dress (which matched the tie of his own suit), the fabric gently reflecting the warm light from the chandeliers above. Shimmering by your ears were a pair of earrings—snowflakes with a length of silver chain dangling below them, almost imitating snowfall. It was a gift he had given you on one of your anniversaries, and was silently happy to see you wear so often. Both of you had grown up much since that time in the photo, but for all the changes that happened, your smile had stayed the same, if not more brighter now with your rose-tinted lips and crinkles around your eyes.

“Zayne, are you listening to me?” you asked, those same rosy lips forming a pout.

His eyes must have wandered more obviously than he expected, but he still remained an attentive listener.

“Yes, you just said that on you tripped over the edge of a carpet which revealed the last item your team needed for the scavenger hunt,” he recounted.

“You know, that was probably the only time when my clumsiness did me a favour.”

Zayne placed a hand on his chin in mock thought.

“Hm, I do recall a time when you bumped into my shelf and a book that I had been looking for fell out,” he said.

Though his intonation didn’t change, his eyes glistened with amusement. One of the telltale signs of his playfulness.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his response. A small smile broke through on his face as well as he drunk in your expression.

As you continued around the room together, the venue filled up with guests dressed in their most formal attire. Everyone began to move to their assigned table and seats, searching for the calligraphed name card. You both were at a table with old classmates from your primary school. Their reaction to seeing Zayne was delighted surprise, many saying that they couldn’t even recognise that he was the same quiet boy. There was an even greater reaction to the news that you two were a couple, with Zayne being the one to share it after a classmate asked if you two arrived together. You flushed at the sudden attention placed on you both, now being showered with various compliments to do with the cuteness of the pairing, and questions as to the exact when, where and how's of the relationship. It was your shyness compared to Zayne’s coolness that made everyone so endeared to the couple in such a short period of time. Zayne simply responded to all the commotion on the table with ‘We reconnected and have been with each other for a while. We’re both very happy together.’

Soon after everyone had settled in with their table company, the wedding couple made their appearance.

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April and James had been together since they were little. You remembered them always paired up together in classes, scribbling on each other’s notebooks, kicking each other’s feet in their seats. Overtime, they began to realise that they felt more for each other than just friendship. The music in the room grew louder as the entrance doors swung open. Everyone whooped as the couple, pumping their fists in their air, walked in. April’s dress was a pearly white that went down to her ankles with draped sleeves around her upper arms. James’ black suit contrasted sharply against his wife’s outfit, however, the small bunch of white flowers pinned to his lapel ensured their looks would match.

You cheered with the crowd and Zayne clapped along. Undoubtedly, the energy in the room was infectious. This was much different to the last wedding he attended. Zayne felt a genuine tug in his heart seeing the couple together.

The wedding reception continued on, the banter and drinks among the tables flowing freely. Your old classmates loved hearing the stories of your Hunter expeditions and were in awe of the work Zayne was doing at Akso Hospital.

���So that’s why we never saw you when we got to middle and high school,” one of them commented.

“Yeah doc, you were ahead of all of us!” another chimed in. “I thought skipping grades was something you only saw in the movies.”

A third leaned their head against their hand, reminiscing aloud to the table. “I remember you and Y/N used to hang out all the time, and then we slowly started seeing you less and less. I guess it makes sense now with you moving schools and skipping ahead.” They gave a wink to you and Zayne seated together across the table. “But, I’m glad to see you two reunited now, in more ways than one.”

You gently nudged Zayne with your shoulder, eyes glittering with joy. “So I am,” you answered.

Interjecting from the current line of conversation came another voice, slightly slurred who spoke, “Guys, do you remember that time in Grade 8 when someone tried to sneak the school’s OTTO robot home?”

“Yeah, that was you!” the person seated beside them exclaimed.

“It was so loud we all heard it speaking from the inside of your bag: I will be reporting your misconduct to the principal,” another added, mimicking the robotic OTTO voice.

The table erupted in laughter.

Zayne sipped on his glass of sparkling juice whilst the chatter flowed. He enjoyed the atmosphere—the bubbly conversation, zipping between topics with ease. But there was a feeling he couldn’t shake. A distance between himself and the rest of the table. He was the odd one out. A puzzle piece that couldn’t fit in just right. All of you had shared the same childhood together, and Zayne had only been there for a small part of it. He could never know you from that period of time with the same familiarity the rest of your classmates had.

He felt your hand envelop his own beneath the table. Zayne turned curiously to you before leaning closer.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice brushing your ear in a whisper.

You nodded. “I’m fine, Zayne. I was just wondering how you were going.”

He softened at your concern. You had always been attuned to his subtleties.

“There’s no need to check up on me. I’m enjoying myself. Everyone is quite entertaining,” he replied earnestly.

You relaxed. “Well, I just hope they don’t share any of my embarrassing teenage stories.”

The corners of his lips twitched into a smile. “Admittedly, your uneasiness has made me more curious to hear them. Perhaps it’s time to change the conversation topic.”

“Zayne!” you hissed.

He breathed a quiet laugh. “But, I wouldn’t pry if you’d prefer me not to.” His glanced to the other guests at the table. “I just want to know more about you.”

You furrowed your brows, somewhat confused. “You know lots about me. More so than anyone at this table I’m pretty sure.”

Zayne thought about his next words, “I believe there are opportunities to learn more about someone everyday.”

The seriousness of his tone gave you pause. His gaze settled on you again, and there was something in his greenish-gold eyes you couldn’t decipher. Nevertheless, you would never miss an opportunity to provide him with comfort.

“Then,” you began, gently squeezing his hand, “I look forward to our continued learning experience.”

The feedback of a microphone drew everyone’s attention to the center of the room. The emcee had handed over to the groom to speak next. James mouthed a thank you before taking in a deep breath and addressing the room.

“Thank you everyone for coming to our wedding. My wife-” (he swung his head back dramatically to April, his deliberate emphasis of the word making her laugh with adoration) “-and I are thrilled to see so many of our family and friends here. As you know, we shared out vows in private, but I’d like to speak to everyone here about me and April’s relationship.”

“April and I met when we were only kids. One might call us childhood sweethearts. I don’t even remember the exact age, but I do remember that she has always been a constant in my life. We’ve walked side-by-side through the good and the bad that life has thrown at us.”

Wanting to sit more comfortably to watch the speech, you rested your arms on the top of your chair and laid your chin on it. Zayne wordlessly reached out to readjust the skirt of your dress so it wouldn’t get crumpled.

“I’d like to share one of my favourite memories I have of April. I know our old classmates know about this,” (he nodded towards your table), “but we always walked home together from school, and there was one time when we both heard this distressed chirping coming from near my house. We searched around and, sure enough, there was a little bird laying helplessly on its side between some bushes.”

“It must’ve been in shock after falling from its nest because was stiff and unresponsive. I had no idea what to do and stood there like a doofus, but April jumped to action. She brought out a spare towel from her PE bag to gently wrap the bird. We rushed inside my house and she ordered me to find a box and poke some holes into it so the bird could rest without distraction. A few hours later, the bird was responsive again.”

“I’ll never forget how delighted and relieved she looked seeing that the bird was alright. From that day on, I knew I wanted to be someone as decisive and resourceful as her one day.” James looked warmly over at April. “Even now, I’m still inspired by her.”

The speech thus far had been nothing but sweet, however, Zayne oddly had a weight in his chest. A story so innocently simple as walking home from high school with the one you like and taking care of an injured animal had left a sinking feeling in his heart. There were some certain comparisons he just couldn’t help but draw. The sounds of lowered chatter and cutlery scraping against plates in the background faded, and he could only focus on the words spoken into the microphone.

“I think about all these years we’ve spent together, and I believe that we’ve been fortunate enough to have what a lot of people don’t: Time.”

“Time to really know each other, time to witness each other’s personal growth, time to strengthen our bond. I believe that all that time we shared allowed us to be where we are now.”

James lifted his glass up towards April. “I would like to share a toast now to this wonderful woman.”

Everyone raised their glasses to toast alongside the groom. Zayne’s reaction was a second delayed, disorientated by the sudden onset of his emotions. Rather than look at the bride and groom, he couldn’t take his eyes off you, even though your own gaze was fixed on the couple. Zayne lifted his glass high along with all the guests, though, perhaps he was directing his toast at a different person instead. James’ voice echoed in the microphone as he ended his speech.

“I love you with all my heart. My past, present and future is with you.”

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Zayne’s skin immediately cooled as he stepped out into the night air. He loosened up his tie a little as he rested his hands on the balcony’s railing. The balcony stretched across the length of the room, connected by the multiple set of doors that led outside. It wasn’t unusual for guests to be out here. Many had also gone to get some fresh air, or to take some pictures with the Linkon City skyline. You, alongside your other classmates, had been pulled aside by the bride to get a few photos. Zayne had told you he’d be waiting outside when you finished up.

Zayne was not a regretful person, but he did find indulgence in reminiscing on what could have been. If you both hadn’t drifted apart in your youth, how would things have changed? False memories flashed through his mind of your younger selves—walking home from school on cold winter days bundled up in scarves and coats, petting stray cats that stalked the streets in the afternoon, visiting cafes where you’d try and distract him from studying, watching the fireworks at local festivals.

Would this be his and yours wedding instead? Instead of your navy dress, you’d be wearing an ivory one. He’d be the one in the center of the hall speaking about how much you inspire him, how much he loves you.

“What are you thinking about?”

Your voice lilted in the air beside Zayne. You joined him by the balcony, hands on the railing in support as you stretched your arms. The light from the venue diffused out into the dark night, leaving the faintest yellow glow against your back. The wind brushed your hair back with a gentle caress, framing your side profile just so.

“Us.” He blinked away from your expectant gaze.

“In a good or bad way?” You leaned closer, resting your shoulder comfortably against his.

“It’s not possible for me to think of us in a poor light.”

Zayne became more aware of the placement of his hands on the railing. If he stretched his right hand out, his pinkie would touch yours. Even with being partners for so long, initiating physical affection where there were so many people around still took some getting used to. He chose instead lean back into your shoulder.

“How did the photos end up?” he asked.

“They turned out well! Though, I think I still had tears welling up in my eyes after James’ speech. I’m sure it made my eyes extra sparkly in those pictures.”

Zayne knew he desperately needed to see those photos now.

“James said some really meaningful things,” you continued, “it made me more emotional than I was expecting.”

Zayne clasped his hands together, absent-mindedly fidgeting with his thumbs. “May I… be honest with you?”

The wind played with his dark hair as well, the careful style loosening as strands were lightly swept against his forehead. For those moments, he looked like the Zayne you’d see just as you woke up in the mornings on those lazy weekends. In what light there was outside, you saw his expression turn somber.

“Of course,” you replied without hesitation.

He took a breath before speaking, “James and April… they reminded me of us, in a way. I’m grateful we both grew up safely so we could meet again, but I couldn’t help of think of the time we lost being separated for so long.”

Greediness was hardly a trait Zayne would associate himself with, but when it came to you, he felt his control slip. He wanted more. More time, more memories, more of life with you.

“It’s no good to be down at a wedding, you know,” you said, the soft smile on your face like light a salve to his troubles.

“We have time now. I’m also a bit sad that we never experienced youth together, but we get to make up for it now that we’re here.”

“So,” you leaned your head on his shoulder, “you’re going to stuck with me for a very, very long time,”

Accentuating your statement, you nuzzled deeper. You felt the reverberations of his chuckle against your skin.

“Stuck has the implication that I’d only accept or tolerate you,” Zayne corrected. “The happiness you bring me certainly earns a better title than being stuck.”

“But, if I follow the same convention then I guess… I would want nothing more than to be stuck with you for the rest of my life.”

Hearing the determination in your voice was all the comfort he needed. Those snippets of your shared childhood would always be treasured, and perhaps the time apart just meant more space for new memories. Memories just like this—sharing an quiet conversation on a moonlit balcony.

“Would you like a wedding similar to this one?”

“Hm, why do you ask?” you asked back with a teasing lilt, your curiosity stirred.

“You are the one I wish to marry one day, so it’s only appropriate I ask,” he replied with a straight face.

Your eyes grew wide with surprise. “Y-you’d really want to marry me?”

He frowned that you even had a sliver of doubt about his commitment to you. His voice was soft and sincere as he spoke, “Of course. There is no one else I can picture spending my life with.”

Even though it was well into the night, the way you brightened seemed like dawn had come early.

“Then when that day comes, I would want my wedding to be in nature. Do you remember the villa we went to for your birthday? It’d be nice if we had something similar to that.”

Zayne nodded in agreement, “I would also enjoy that.”

In secret, he was already thinking about the honeymoon as well. Maybe going someplace snowy so the two of you could ski during the day and snuggle during the night. He slowly realised that there was no need to dwell on the past so much. Thinking about a future with you was like waking up to fresh snowfall—serene and magical.

The feedback of the microphone reverberated through the space and you both turned at the sound. The emcee was standing in the center of the hall again, addressing all the guests.

“April and James would like to now invite all the couples in attendance tonight to come to the floor to share a dance! Please make your way over if you’d like to join.”

Out on the balconies and inside the hall, couples excitedly looked at each other and made their way to the dance floor. Zayne decided to follow suit, boldness filling him. He didn’t feel like shying away from dancing this time, especially now since you were here. He extended his hand out to you.

“Would you like to share a dance with me?”

You happily accepted, letting him guide you the floor. A slow, romantic melody began to play from the band. His hands held your waist, feeling the silky fabric beneath his fingertips. Yours moved to his shoulders, clasped loosely behind his neck. At this closeness, the delicate scent of jasmines and mint enveloped you from Zayne’s cologne.

“I didn’t know you enjoyed dancing,” you said, voice low enough for only him to hear.

“Only if I like my partner. Fortunately, the person in front of me is the one I love most,” he answered.

It was difficult to hide your fluster at such a close proximity. He savored the way his words made you blink away from his gaze, a smile tugging at your lips.

“Do you have all these romantic lines in a book somewhere, doctor?”

“Yes, in my fifth edition of Ways to Woo Your Partner.”

You couldn’t hold back your reaction and you broke into a chuckle, shaking your head at how silly his jokes could sometimes be.

The music swirled around you, and time slowed. Everything in the background melted away, leaving only the two of you in the room. Your own little world where you danced and talked about your past, present, and future together. Yet another new memory to be catalogued by Zayne—dancing with the one I will cherish for the rest of time.

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[ariesprincesss]

Super Random Astro Observations Pt. IV

as always, i am not an astrologer just a silly girl that knows a ton about astrology🤓

View more observations in this series here:

Super Random Astro Observations

Super Random Astro Observations Pt. II

Super Random Astro Observations Pt. III

‧₊˚🌈 sun conjuct pluto synastry first meeting was so insane!!

‧₊˚🌈 upon reading into these aspects everything makes sense with my last situation… i also had mercury conjuct pluto with him and as pluto there was a huge obsession over him and intrigue the instant i met him & he def had secrets and a hard time opening up i could tell that he kept cards close to his chest.

‧₊˚🌈 as a gemini venus & mars and the only coworkers ive made instant friends with being geminis is so crazy to me😭 i swear, they love to chat with me & i love it with them !!

‧₊˚🌈 back to the gemini energy, i can ALWAYS feel when someone has gemini placements like omg. every gemini sun ive gotten close with makes a point of like talking about everything ever , asking questions they probably shouldn’t ask, & just being overactive in that way😭 i will say that i feel like gemini in sun sign is kind of weak just in the sense that other placements can reallyyyy mellow their sun out.

‧₊˚🌈 2nd house venus in lunar return chart i spent money with absolutely no care lol. it was also in a taurus degree & i spent it solely on beauty products & clothes LOL

‧₊˚🌈 as an 8th houser (mercury especially) i have like a super big thing with being inconspicuous & using indirect language in conversation with ppl im just getting to know whenever they ask me questions, because i just don’t feel like they should know things ab me😭

‧₊˚🌈 so im like 2/3 months away from my solar return and am seeing it show up in real time… 6h stellium in my natal 7th is making me focus on work relationships & i don’t usually make friends w coworkers and ive already made 2 friends , one coworker i just met yesterday and another that i met like two months ago lol

‧₊˚🌈 after experiencing 8h synastry it rlly felt like the year was almost separated from before i met him and then after because of how different life felt for me afterwards

‧₊˚🌈 I noticed SO many 9h northnode celebrities having very similar life structures. Affluent or well off religious parent(s), moving homes often when young or in adulthood, having teachers or being guided by someone, studied their future profession in school/college, and lastly a lesser commonality i noticed was adopting a different religion at some stage in their life. i think above all with this placement leaving your birth town/ your place of residence could be important in your life story. (Ex: Donna Summer moving to Europe to preform in the musical ‘Hair’ which jumpstarted her career!)

‧₊˚🌈 also random but i noticed that a lot of virgo rising celebrities with 9h northnode were the youngest of 3 siblings & i am too so i thought that was super interesting lol or being one of 3 siblings, being the 3rd child birthed could be significant

‧₊˚🌈 leo mars musicians and being effortlessly good at playing instruments/having the ability to create their own special way of doing something /putting their own spin on something in their music… ex: Jeff Beck, Paul McCartney

‧₊˚🌈 so i always reference a life changing event in these that altered everything about my existence but i never reference what my solar return showed for that year. i had a 12th house stellium (sun,jupiter,neptune,chiron) and mercury, northnode, and uranus in my first house. it literally reads like a hidden part of myself is finally let out and expands, and it was almost like “ fate” for me to change mentally and physically that year. i also had pluto 10h and this feels like it manifested in a public change, or a change in public image and i literally had customers at my job going “you look different everytime i see you” 🫢, my natal sun sign was on the ascendant too and that year i started to come more into myself or i guess i became more like myself if that makes sense!(astrology is scary & almost so overt at times , it’s funny)

‧₊˚🌈 a year when i was overly promiscuous i had 8h moon & vertex in my solar return…

‧₊˚🌈 the month i got covid last year in my lunar return i had neptune & saturn retrograding in 6th house ,neptune square my midheaven & i was out of work for weeks lol

‧₊˚🌈 this one is less of an observation more of a question for the culture😭 has anyone else seen how lunar returns, solar returns, transits ,etc. kind of like hint that something or someone important is coming towards you? i think that is SO interesting because the month i met my ex online ,i had 7h vertex, chiron, & northnode but i remember at the time not considering him until the day before my lunar return chart switched to the next month when he made a big impression on me & asked to take me out and in that lunar return chart i had 7h juno & then 7h vertex again!

‧₊˚🌈 3 months before i met my ex, my ascendant progressed into libra in my progressed chart🫢

‧₊˚🌈 some transits i had for meeting him in person were transit south node trine venus and transit venus sextile northnode! i 1000% consider him as one of my first big karmic partners. you guys can read more about this meetings transits here !

‧₊˚🌈 I’ve recently been introduced to solar arc progressions which is a form of predictive astrology and found out i’m supposed to have a fated meeting with someone february 10th🫢 solar arcs only work to predict something like this if you have confirmation from 3 different chart sources tho!!! For me My Solar Return, Lunar Return, and transits confirm this meeting.

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Thank you so much for reading! Comment what other Astrology content I should make bc i have no idea lol. I hope you guys enjoyed these observations ♡

[bouquetface]

Synastry Observations 6

Accuracy dependent on entire chart.

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Venus Square Saturn

This can make it difficult for a relationship to become romantic. Saturn can unintentionally restrict the Venus. The Venus is unable to express themselves freely.

This can manifest as a couple where one person requires the other to cut out people and things they enjoy. This can be due to jealousy.

This can manifest as being critical of one another.

Ex: Venus Virgo Square Gemini Saturn. In this relationship, both were constantly critiquing the other. It made it so neither was comfortable being themselves around the other. Always awaiting a negative critique.

However, there is potential this can manifest in a positive way. For example, say the Venus struggles with over indulgence, the Saturn can help the Venus grow & mature. If Venus is bad with money, the Saturn may be able to help the Venus become disciplined.

Accuracy influenced by entire chart.

Mars Conjunct Mars

The two are drawn to one another. Together, an excess of energy is created. This can result in positive ways or negative.

A positive result is both are attracted to one another. You always have energy and time for the other. You make each other become more spontaneous. Playful fights/teasing.

A negative result is you piss each other off. Lots of aggression. Neither of you are willing to back down. This can turn violent. You can become competitive with one another too. This can challenge you to become better but if negative, you will want to destroy the other person.

Whether positive or negative, the two of you share similarities. You can feel understood by the other person. If you don’t like parts of yourself, you can sub consciously wish to change or fight the other person.

Retrograde Mars Conjunct Venus

This will be different than a regular mars conjunct venus. The same initial passion and attraction will still be there. However, Mars is naturally more reflective. If Venus can’t appreciate this, there can be trouble.

For example: Venus Aries conjunct Aries Retrograde Mars. Venus Aries is a direct and fast energy. Normally so is aries mars but when in retrograde, the person can be more reflective. Needing time and space for this. If Venus in Aries can’t understand this, the mars may feel pushed. Mars could feel venus is selfish - refusing to slow down and listen + compromisse with mars.

Accuracy is influenced by the entire chart.

Mars conjunct Asc

You’ve probably already read about how this indicates extreme attraction. Almost an impulsive urge to act on it.

However, in my experience, this works better when the ASC person’s natal chart has mars or aries or scorpio 7th H. And/or aries venus or scorpio venus or mars conjunct venus in natal. Generally, this shows you are attracted to and do well in relationships with martian people.

For those who don’t have natal indicators like this, there can be a clashing of egos. If you are not attracted to assertive people, you may view the other as arrogant &/or bossy.

For example, my friend with a Libra Venus & pisces 7th house HATES the person she has this synastry with. It didn’t lead to a romantic connection at all. He was a classmate who often interrupted when she was talking in class.

Once during her presentation, he started asking a detailed questions and proceeded to add onto her answer - showing he already knew the answer but likely wanted to show how much better he knew the topic. This question threw her off her game and led her to forgetting the next part of her speech resulting in a poor (but still good) grade. The funny thing is he is a good friend in our group. He never gets competitive with anybody else.

Jupiter Conjunct South Node

Jupiter is seeking and has an abundance of something that the SN doesn’t really care for. SN is likely already skilled at this thing that Jupiter seeks. In this way, SN may be able to help Jupiter. However, Jupiter is a mentor planet. Here it can become negative as Jupiter may dislike being taught or told as they believe they already know.

EXAMPLE: I’ve seen this synastry in a romantic relationship in the sign of sag. Jupiter is in its home sign. Comfortable and wanting to share knowledge. Jupiter could get preachy. Jupiter dislikes being told they’re wrong. Jupiter person had a “my way or now way” mindset. SN began to see Jupiter as a narcissist.

EX.2: Jupiter person has Jupiter in natal taurus 2nd. SN has SN in natal taurus 2nd House. This couple is fairly wealthy. They both have good income. When they got married, they combined their wealth. My grandma once made a comment how it’s good that my Uncle got a woman with a good career. He just shrugged and said “yeah I guess”. He said he would’ve married her even if she didn’t have that career. They were already wealthy on their own. It wasn’t a big deal to either of them.

Jupiter brings expansion. Jupiter conjunct SN can bring an expansion of something that SN does not need or want expanded. This can be neutral or negative aspect imo.

If you believe in past lives, this connection indicates the SN person granted Jupiter with luck and/or was very generous in some kind of way. In this lifetime, Jupiter person may feel the desire to repay SN.

However, the negative interpretation is the Jupiter person did something immoral to the SN. In this lifetime, the Jupiter person may need to repay to make amends. And/or the SN may want to drain the Jupiter person to balance out what Jupiter did. House & Signs may show what kind of repayment SN takes or is given.

Mercury trine Sun

These two can understand each other very well. There is less chance of misunderstanding between the two. They understand each other way’s of thinking and what they truly mean.

For example: Sun said something that sounded bad. They didn’t exactly get their point across. However, they don’t need to worry about a misunderstanding. Mercury understands Sun’s intention.

Mercury trine Pluto

Mercury can appreciate Pluto’s intensity. Pluto may not mind if Mercury says somethings that’s a bit controversial or odd. Pluto or Mercury can be open to changing their viewpoint or debating the situation out. They appreciate each other’s honesty and openness.

For example: Sag Pluto trine Libra Mercury. The two can like to debate things out. Playful arguments if positively supported through the entire chart.

Jupiter trine Neptune

This is a good supportive energy. If the rest of the synastry is positive, this is a good bonus one to have. Neptune can be like a muse to Jupiter. Neptune inspires creativity in Jupiter. Jupiter supports and can be a muse for Neptune as well.

However, if the rest of the synastry isn’t looking good this isn’t a saving grace kind of aspect.

Venus Conjunct Asc

If the man is the Venus, the ASC can be their ideal kind of woman. If the woman is the venus, attraction from both is still likely.

However, I had a friend whose Venus conjunct her teammate’s ASC. The crush was unreciprocated. She got turned down when asking him out.

So while there can be attraction from both, it is not always going to be sexual or romantic attraction. Sometimes, it can be better as a friendship or literally a teammate way. Trust is likely easily built between the two. You can admire and respect the way the other leads their life.

Jupiter square Moon

This can lead to the two being very indulgent when together. Enabling bad habits. While this may feel good at the start, it can lead to tension between the two. High possibility both experience more frequent or intense mood swings due to the other. Jupiter person can bring out the extremes in the Moon person’s moods without meaning to.

The way the individual planets express themselves in natal can create tension in the relationship.

For example: I had Jupiter Square Moon in a relationship. My natal Jupiter is in Leo 10th H. When I would post on IG, I would occasionally get comments from male friends. After he noticed this, he always wanted to go through my phone after I posted so he could see if anyone DM’d me. He had a Taurus Moon. Taurus moons can be prone to jealousy. I also found the negative side to taurus moons is they can dislike change so much that they refuse compromise.

BTW I do not believe the planets force people do things. There are so many ways placements can manifest in real life. Not every placement will express itself the same. So this is not hate to any taurus moons because this is still in my top 3 fav moon placements.

Accuracy is influenced by the entire chart. Would love to hear your experience and opinions on these placements and aspects ❣️

ASC CONJUNCT ASC

Initially, this can be a great aspect. Generally, a good understanding of one another. You behave in similar ways at first. Keep in mind other placements such moon, mercury and venus will change the accuracy.

After some time, this aspect’s energy can become stagnant. It’s more of a neutral aspect than an outwardly positive one.

Juno Conjunct Mars

Mars is an active planet. Anything that exactly conjuncts Mars is going to trigger a reaction. When Juno conjuncts Mars, the Mars is likely to be very possessive & protective of Juno. The attraction can be strong. The negative side is Juno may dislike how mars expresses this attraction.

Vesta Conjunct Chiron

The chiron person has the ability to corrupt the vesta person. They can get under the Vesta person’s skin and get them to behave in ways they never thought they would.

The Vesta person can offer selfless devotion to the Chiron person. There can be a chance to heal. Vesta can become a safe person for chiron. However, if the chiron person is unhealed they may reject this and wish to bring the vesta person down with them.

This is most likely happening on a sub conscious level. In some cases, chiron may actually be aware of what they’re doing to the vesta person. It can be a “hurt people hurt people” & “misery lives company” situation.

Jupiter Square Mars

This can be good as this can create an excess of excitement. The two can inspire one another to desire more experience, more adventure, more knowledge.

Jupiter & Mars can have great conversations and ideas together. The downside is one person (likely the Mars) could begin to feel frustrated with Jupiter for not taking action on these ideas. While it is likely the Jupiter person may feel Mars is too quick to act.

Jupiter looks at things from a broader view. Mars may disagree or be unable to see things from Jupiter’s pov.

Mars is more about what’s in front of it right now - focused on personal passion & desires. Jupiter may feel Mars is inconsiderate/selfish.

Accuracy influenced by house and sign.

Jupiter Square Venus

This can be a very fun and loving aspect. The two encourage the other. Both can feel more confident in this relationship. Venus may feel liberated and supported by Jupiter. Jupiter may feel loved and gifted/blessed by Venus.

The downside is this may indicate an enabling partnership. Jupiter’s expansive energy and Venus’s harmonious energy can come together to create bad habits. Ex: exaggerating to the point of almost lying, overspending, overindulging in substances that are bad for you, etc. The couple isn’t likely to challenge each other to become better. Rather they may be prone to lie and/or let things slide to keep the peace.

Jupiter Square Mercury

Harsh mercury aspects are never good. In this situation, Jupiter’s morals/beliefs clash with the Mercury person. Mercury may feel Jupiter is too vague, too focused on the bigger picture and neglecting the details and facts.

Ex: One way for this to manifest is as Jupiter being a religious/spiritual person. Jupiter may share these beliefs but Mercury would be the person to say, well i believe in science. If the two can’t accept that the other has a different view, agreements & frustrations will be at an all time high.

Mercury is more of a logical planet. Mercury takes in info, analyzed and draws conclusions. Jupiter is faith, sometimes faith in something that cannot be seen. For this reason the two are bound to clash.

Accuracy influenced by entire chart.

[baldudiable]

common misconceptions about the signs

aries : they are selfish. uncompromising. and always angry.

i think what bothers people is that aries prioritizes themselves instead of others. it's the first sign of the zodiac, so it is associated with the self. aries indeed values itself highly. but i believe it has the potential to be as selfless and giving as libra, its counterpart. libra is all about an equal exchange, and the realization that the self and the other have to coexist. what libra is, aries seeks to understand and integrate. aries' path involves realizing that without other people on their side, they aren't really that important. once they have made this realization, they do everything in their power to fight for the people they love. but the sign knows that it should never come at the expense of their own being, who is the person they are actually gonna end up with, in the end. it's not that they are always angry, it's just that they are not afraid of expressing uncomfortable thoughts or emotions, even if that means rubbing people the wrong way.

taurus : they are greedy and lazy. they hate change.

taurus isn't necessarily greedy. taurus most of all wants to feel secure in order to savor life. it's an hedonist. it's ruled by venus after all. this sign seeks to satisfy its senses by indulging in all kinds of pleasures. for taurus, you have to possess enough ressources in order to do that without having to worry about lacking. it's a sign that is also linked to one's sense of self-worth. taurus has a high self-esteem, which is why they give themselves the things that they deem themselves worthy of. they are far from lazy, they are actually very hard-working. it's a fixed sign, which means that once they are working towards something, they don't stop until they have reached their target. it might just take them some time to actually get up and start. it's hard for them to allow change and to welcome new situations because they worry that they will lose the security they have fought so badly to get.

gemini : they are two-faced, detached and volatile.

geminis aren't two-faced, they just have what we call a multifaceted personality. they also have a high capacity to change and evolve. it's a mutable sign, which means that gemini's ego is malleable and influenced by its environment. it is is very adaptable. geminis use their perceptiveness to know which role to play according to the person in front of them or the environment that they're in. they absorb information and traits they have observed and and use them when they come in handy. that doesn't mean that they are two-faced. that means they are creative and intelligent. they are not cold, they take decisions listening to their logic instead of their emotions. they aren't volatile, the person that that they were when you met them simply isn't the person that they are today.

cancer : they are weak and manipulative.

cancers are sensitive, that is true. but i think the reason people see them as too sensitive is because they are open about it. since cancer is ruled by the moon — which literally represents our emotions — its emotions are stronger and sometimes overpower it; it is therefore less likely to repress its emotions than other people. society encourages us to show no emotion because we might be taken advantage of. but to cancers, this sensitivity is a richness and they intend to express it. the reason they are said to be manipulative is because they can sometimes ignore people's emotions as they are so blinded by their own. as a water sign, cancers' emotions were probably ignored in the past. most of the time, they don't have the necessary tools to express themselves without being dismissing other people's feelings and hurting them in the process. they are not weak. they have, like everyone, needs that have to be met to be happy. the only difference is that they are not willing to accept less than they deserve.

leo : they are narcissistic. that they enjoy causing drama.

it wouldn't be fair to say that leos aren't a bit self-centered. they are. but they are ruled by the sun after all. like the sun, they think that the universe revolves around them. which is true to a certain extent, don't you think? everyone is a little bit self-centered, but not everyone owns it. leos do though. they know that we only get one chance at this thing called life, and they plan to celebrate themselves in this life that they were graciously given. this sign is far from being selfish, it might actually be the most generous sign there is. like the sun, leo wants to share the joy, light and richness that it possesses. i understand the dramatic stereotype though. leo is always involved in some kind of drama. this sign is very proud. it demands respect, and when it feels disrespected, it immediately gets into fight-mode. the fire element makes them very intense. their reactions are big and explosive. sometimes, leo complicates situations because the way it feels about them is just so strong. for that reason the wildfire spreads, and with it, its consequences.

virgo : they are eternally unsatisfied. they are too rational.

satisfying a virgo is difficult, i'll give you that. but the standards they set for others are as high as the standards they set for themselves. virgos see everything; the good and the bad. they might be demanding, but they are also able to be appreciative and give credit where it is due. the thing that isn't often said about them is that they are very idealistic. opposite to pisces, this sign strives for perfection. it wants to create heaven on earth. virgos always see how things can be improved and therefore give themselves and others the means necessary to realize their vision. virgos pretend to be rational but they are in fact quite sensitive and spiritual. the only reason they are pretending to be unfeeling is because people depend on them to be strong and to find solutions to their problems. virgos actually brood other past mistakes very often. but they will never admit it, as they hate talking about their feelings and attracting unnecessary attention to themselves. they are not boring, they just have their priorities straight. we should follow their example.

libra : they are superficial. fake. they are only interested in their image.

i think the reason libra is said to be superficial is due to its desire to embellish reality. you have to remember that it is ruled by venus, the goddess of love and beauty. libra wants to refine the elements that constitute reality, even if that means ignoring the depths which aren't always agreeable to look at. it can be hard to get beneath the surface with them because the air element makes them uncomfortable with heavy subjects. but there is nothing wrong with wanting to focus on the bright side of life. their idealism can become a problem when things in their life need to be improved and they choose to ignore them. libras are probably considered fake because they are kind to the people they encounter. i think now more than ever, people are suspicious of others' intentions. libra's generosity around their energy or ressources makes people wonder whether it's actually genuine or if there is an hidden agenda behind it. if libra is so focused on its image, it's because it has a high self-esteem and wants to elevate itself. what is not often said about this sign is that it is very ambitious. it's cardinal, so it wants to reach the top. but only because it wants to indulge in the luxuries that life has to offer with the people that matter to them.

scorpio : they are power hungry. they are mean or aloof.

scorpios aren't necessarily power hungry. most of the time, they don't even want to be in positions of power. they just possess the qualities necessary in order lead. so we make them leaders, and they accept this role. it's a fixed sign, a modality that comes with a laser-like focus and an ability to take control of situations without losing one's cool. scorpios can complete difficult tasks perfectly by removing all distractions. when they are in positions of power, they do everything they can to keep it because power comes with its advantages. they become mean and domineering when they feel that their position is threatened, but it's just a role that they play. they aren't really bad, they are just pretending to be. like taurus, its equal, scorpio is afraid of losing their security. it's also scared of losing control. scorpios usually had no self-agency growing up and major decisions were taken for them instead of with them. now they feel like they have be in control of people and situations in order to prevent harm. they are naturally suspicious of others and keep them at arms' length. the people who manage to see beyond their facade and love them anyway end up becoming their allies. once that is done, they become the most loving & generous people you'll ever meet.

sagittarius : they are unserious and impractical. they cannot commit.

sagittarius likes to have fun. but that doesn't mean that it cannot work hard. jupiter, the biggest planet in the solar system — rules this sign. like the planet, sagittarius wants to grow continually. you cannot put this sign inside a box. and the reason for that is because being in a box prevents their destined expansion. you will always find this sign travelling, going out and learning new things because it has a need to be stimulated and challenged. it is said to be impractical because it's extending its energy to so many places. but from what i've seen, sagittariuses are more than able to be successful both at work and in the private sphere. it's a mutable sign, which means that it's able to juggle many things at once. they are are not scared of commitment, they just don't want to be in a dynamic that doesn't allow them to be free to wander, and that doesn't encourage them to enlarge their minds and spirits.

capricorn : they are materialistic. they are workaholics. or boring.

capricorns like money, that is true. but who doesn't? with the earth element that rules it, it mostly wants money for the feeling of stability and peace it provides. capricorn is a realist. it knows that the quickest and easiest way to make money is to get up and work. but money isn't the most important thing to a capricorn. what matters most for it them family. they exist on the same polarity as cancer, remember? the reason capricorns spend so much time outside tiring themselves out is because they want to bring something tangible and durable home. which can be paradoxical, as they end up losing the precious time they could spend on their loved ones on their work instead. but to a capricorn, using oneself is a way to show love. if people call them boring it's because capricorns choose to use the rest of their time to rest and to be with their people. like scorpios, they are suspicious of strangers. they know that once they love someone, they don't hold back. for saturn, the celestial body that rules the sign, time is of utmost importance; capricorn doesn't intend to waste it on ephemeral people.

aquarius : they are detached. they are commitment-phobes.

aquarius isn't void of emotions. it is after all, human. like everyone, they do feel. aquarius just chooses to give more importance to its mind rather than its heart when it comes to making decisions. it's an air sign that is associated with groups or with humanity at large. aquariuses often fall into leadership roles because they are social creatures who know how to work with others toward a common goal. to them, leadership has to be objective and unbiased, and it has to profit every parts involved. but in the private sphere, they are far from detached. this sign belongs to the fixed modality, which makes them very loyal and loving. besides, the sun, which is all about one's sense of self, is in detriment in aquarius. their ego is weaker than in other signs and that they are bound to make room for strong attachments in their lives. like any fixed sign, they are difficult to approach because they take relationships very seriously. but once you get past their defenses — and if they deem you worthy of it — you earn their love forever.

pisces : they are unreliable. passive. they lack ambition.

pisces are far from unreliable. they are actually some of the most selfless and helpful person there are. they were actually brought up to make themselves useful to others. people always ask them for things, and pisces usually gladly accepts. unless of course they are dealing with problems of their own, or because they are simply too tired to give any more of their energy. they are called selfish from the moment they say no because people have started taking their help for granted. pisces aren't passive or unambitious, but they do lack trust and confidence in their abilities. it's the sign that rules dreams, and theirs are big. they have many talents because they spend their lifetime trying out different practices which allow them to express their complicated emotions. once they realize that their talents can bring them success, they become highly disciplined and determined. nothing can stop a pisces that understands that their gifts can serve both themselves and others.

[rosesnbooks]

Taurus placements🍃

💚Sun in taurus-i believe that they have one thing in common: they have hobbies that fulfill them. you won't catch them overworking themselves to the point that they do not take a break to do something they love. they are good at different things as well and are often fast learners. no matter what other placements they have, i think they have a pretty approachable nature. i have met people with this placement who are quite intelligent. i think they are a bit impatient at times and want to do things their own way, and it's up to you whether that offends you or not lol. loving and sensitive people at their core<3

💚Moon in taurus-some of the warmest people you will ever meet. they value the people in their lives and they are often a voice of reason when you need it the most. they know how to pay attention to you and converse with you respectfully, even when you disagree on things. they have specific worldviews that are difficult to change, but if they think you're sensible and kind, they may try to change their perspective. that being said, in any other scenario, good luck changing their mind. they're pretty chill most of the time, so when you provoke a strong reaction out of them, you probably made a huge mistake (good luck). they're also soft honestly, but do not be mistaken, they are strong people. i have noticed that they are usually closer to their mums than dads, and their dads have a distant character. main love language: acts of service<3

💚Ascendant/rising in taurus- um, stunning and magnetic. this is well-known though, but they deserve to hear it every time. they are charming and the women give off girl-next-door vibes. i feel like they all share similar eyes, just google the celebs and you'll see what i mean, just a warm look overall. some may appear intense, depending on their other placements, but as soon as you talk to them it feels like you're talking to a friend. oh and the elegance some of them have? amazing. intelligent as well🙏

💚Mercury in taurus-i have to say, i did not expect them to be so talkative. they are a bit shy when talking to new people or those they do not feel that comfortable with, but as soon as they relax with someone, they are yappers lol. when they like a topic, it's possible they have given it a lot of thought so they have a lot to say. similarly to aries mercury, they have strong opinions but they can be more open-minded when they want to. they can sound too objective sometimes, and give a bit harsh advice. they also love to gossip, sometimes even too loud when they're into it. to me, they have a specific voice, it kind of stands out among others. some men with this placement are known for having a really nice voice

💚Venus in taurus-they adore the idea of love. you'll catch them watching rom-coms every once in a while so they could satisfy that part of them. if they don't show their romantic side when they're with you, you're wasting your time cause they're clearly not that into you. they want you to share some of their interests, possibly because they want to spend even more time with you and feel like you get each other. i think they can also be guilty of idealising their partners a lot and create an image of their persona that's not real. one of their main love languages is gift giving, heavy emphasis on this.

💚Mars in taurus-intimidating when you cross them. they are pretty good at going after what they want and although they experience a lot of stress until they achieve things, they still excel at it. they may hide their frustrations pretty well, and then when they're alone or with people they can be themselves with, lmao they let out so many emotions. at this point i'm even ashamed to describe them as "stubborn" because that's their middle name, everyone knows it. out of all the placements i feel like they lean the most toward conservative views? do let me know if im on the right track here. they also need to watch out for being insensitive at times

💚Jupiter in taurus-i'll have to be brief here (sorry) because i don't know anyone with this placement, but only what i've read over the years. they usually have a good eye for aesthetics and appreciate following one themselves, they know how to cook and in general provide a sense of a comfortable home. they are good with all things material, and they are quite sensual. they know how to enjoy life and use their sensibility and charm to succeed, and get far in life. i respect them tbh!

💚Saturn in taurus-it isn't easy for them to focus on the material world and focus on what's right in front of them. they're often in their daydreams and are quite capable people, but they need a push sometimes to actually start doing things (khm procrastinators) that does not mean they are irresponsible, but they experience difficulties with the worldly expectations (hope this makes sense). they are sensible and wise, but the part that requires to act on it can sometimes shut down🫂i've read this many times and can confirm it since i have this placement: scared of losing things-property/money/land, you name it. lastly, they just understand how people function and they are wise!

thank you for reading this, hun! i would love to hear your feedback💌

[tannieastrology]

Solar Return Observations💋❤️🌹

💋This year I have a Virgo Ascendant in my solar return along with 2 Venus returns and Ive been so much more health/beauty focused. Like I care more about myself and am trying to break bad habits that I made in 2023. Im also alot more driven in sports/goals and back when I had this in 2020 I was also into skincare and makeup alot too and was into running and working out. I feel like the year you get a virgo ascendant for your solar return is the year to cleanse bad habits that youve made in the previous year its like a chance to start new.

💋The year you have Uranus in the 11th house is most likely a year where you will lose friends but will also get the chance to make new ones. I had Uranus and North Node in my 11th house last year and my 3 year long friend who claimed we were “besties” backstabbed me and cut me off with no explanation BUT I also found a friendgroup who are here to stay and am incredibely blessed to have met them. This was a year where my view on society and people changed significantly but i feel it was for the better.

💋Last year I had Sun and Pluto in the 8th house along with Moon and Mars in the 12th. I struggled really bad with my mental health(also a Gemini Rising) and my whole personality shifted from these experiences. From January my grandma almost died of cancer, I faced unrequited love, bullying from “friends”, losing friends, and overall felt pressure from school. I was just sensitive to what people said about me and let little things bother me and now that Im looking back none of it was a big deal but I dont know in the moment it affected me way too much. It made me realize that you cant ever really put your faith in people and that you need to trust and respect yourself the most. That you cant be attached to people and your faith should be put in god (atleast thats what I think). Most of the pain came from lowself esteem and I do believe that these placements made me grow a thicker skin and to become more independant. Im a completely different person now and while I did lose my innocence to the world I feel that I can survive on my own now. I guess I just grew a backbone which im really thankful for.

💋Everything that happened last year (like growth transformation death) is all related to the 8th house which is where gemini is in my natal so also keep that in mind where your solar ascendant falls in your natal.

💋This year I have a Moon in Libra in the 1st house and a Virgo Lilith exactly conjunct my ascendant and Ive been getting so much praise from woman its weird? Weirdly guys have been liking my instagram stories and when I posted on my birthday so many people came and viewed my story who dont even follow me. I also feel more pretty and empowered this year and Ive been trying to figure out how I want to present myself more. Compared to last year I feel like I am more upfront with my feelings. I feel like this year I might not struggle as much since im a Libra Ascendant and my solar return is Virgo and almost aligns with my natal chart.

💋My sadness and pain from my 2023 solar return actually really did last until my birthday aka my 2024 return😭 So keep in note that solar returns will remain effective until your next birthday.

💋I have Pluto, Mars, Sun, Vertex, Mercury, and POF, all in the 5th house this year and Im really hoping I can finally meet someone to date for the first time but so far its manifested as being more interested in hobbies/ having fun. Im not complaining tho I actually have been so much happier and I havent cried that much at all from this new Solar Return. I will say I feel like having Pluto in the 5th house will make your view change a bit on relationships. I lost feelings for my 3 year crush and I also feel like its impossible for me to properly catch feelings now. I dont know its like I broke the cycle of infatuting crushes and am way more realistic when it comes to love. Part of it is probably just me getting older but I think thats a good thing. I dont expect love like the movies anymore but i just want something REAL.

💋The year you have 8th house Venus a old flame might come back into your life.

💋Tell me why I have Jupiter, North Node, and Chiron in the 8th house this year and ive been attracting money/all the things i want so easily? I got almost $450 for my birthday, a vanity, a lulu bag, and a big party and its only been like 2 weeks😭

💋 When I turn 18 in 2026 I have a stellium of Venus, Mercury, Sun, Mars, and Pluto in the 12th SOOO im predicting that I might be struggling with mental health that year, probably lost in where I want to head after high school, or Im either hiding sum secret love affair(8th house ruler of libra in 12) or like something about it is forbidden/ secretive. I also do have Moon and Jupiter in Cancer in the 5th house that year so that should be interesting lol. Let me know what aspects/ placements in your future solar returns yall find interesting and have down in the comments I wanna see.

💋A Saggitarius Ascendant/ 9th placements might mean that you get opportunity to travel

💋Having Lilith in the 2nd house might mean that you struggle with eating consistently or might struggle with self worth and body image.

💋Venus in the 4th house will be a year where you try to improve your home and find comfort in familial relationships

💋Look at transits to your solar return too theyll give you a deeper dive in whats going on you can look on astroseek.

💋12th house placements will make you inclined to find god

💋On November 16 2021 I caught feelings bad for this guy and I would go on to like him for a long time. Near that time I had a Venus Return and also a transit Solar Return with a 7th house stellium(Sun,Mars,Mercury,Moon in Libra/Scorpio). I was around this guy 24/7 and it just unexpectedly happened. Near that time Iwas having so much fun with my friends in cross country I feel so fond about those days that I could never forget.

💋 Last year having a Gemini Rising but placements like Mars and Moon in the 12th made me get talked about unknowingly behind my back so keep that in mind. Girls secretly hated me and also one of my “friends” twisted my words and spread drama about me.

💋Pay special attention to Chiron and where it is in your chart ESPECIALLY if its in retrograde

Anyways I hope yall enjoyed this was very last minute and I know people have been complaining about there not being enough Solar Return observations so here I am lol. See yall next time💋

[bxtxnx]

why do you bring yourself down?

Planets in a square or opposition to your ascendant can have you feeling and thinking negative about your appearance for different reasons. Conjunctions can go either way – they can bring out either the positives or the negatives of the planet.

☉ The Sun in a conjunction, square or opposition to the ascendant can make you lack pride in your appearance. You can lack pride and confidence in the way you look and you bring down the things you do with your appearance, always thinking that you’ve picked out the wrong hairstyle or worn the wrong outfit. You are your own biggest enemy and no one can criticize and hate on your appearance better than you. Your father could have contributed to your negative self-esteem.

☾ The Moon forming a conjunction, square or opposition to the ascendant can have you constantly changing your opinion about your appearance. Just like the phases of the Moon, your self esteem is fluctuating. You can often feel sad or angry about the way you look and any negative moods or emotions seem to harm your self esteem more. You are either feeling like you are way too soft and feminine or that your are not soft and feminine enough. Your mother or a family member may be the one that is bashing and bringing your appearance down.

☿ Mercury squaring, opposing or conjoining the ascendant can have you have a bad opinion or think negatively about your appearance. You can overanalyze and even make an entire list of all your flaws. This placement is most likely to make you actually say your negative thoughts out loud and share with other people what you don't like about yourself. You might have some questionable ideas what to do with your appearance which results in bad results, like a haircut that doesn't suit you in the least bit. You are most likely to have dealt with siblings or classmates mocking your looks.

♀ Venus in a square, opposition or conjunction with your ascendant makes you unappreciative of yourself. You don't value your appearance enough, even if you are objectively attractive and everyone around you seems to think so. Your personal taste in clothes and accessories might be off, which makes you pick out ugly things or just things that don't flatter you. You put yourself down because of your features or your weight. Being too feminine or not feminine enough can have you disliking the way you look. Women that you do or do not know or your partners are the ones to put your appearance down.

♂ Mars conjoining, squaring or opposing your ascendant can make you give yourself scars by getting into accidents or scarring your skin with your own two hands by picking at any pimples or blemishes, which causes you to get angry at your appearance every time you look at yourself in the mirror. You may even go as far as hating your appearance and thinking that only surgical intervention will be able to help you. You dislike yourself because of your scars or redness/inflamation of your skin or because you look either too masculine or not masculine enough. Your weight is also a source of frustration, because you may not like the way your body looks. If anyone has made you feel upset about your appearance, it most probably has been a man.

♃ Jupiter in a conjunction, square or opposition to your ascendant can have you disliking features that you have based on your ethnicity. Certain beliefs that society has about beauty can have you disliking your appearance - if society around you considers fair skin to be beautiful and you have olive skin, you end up disliking your skin tone. You just don't hold the belief that you are beautiful. Jupiter in such an aspect can give you features that seem too prominent for you, which you end up disliking. If you are very tall - you dislike your height, if you have big thighs - you can't stand looking at them, if you have a big nose - you hate it. Your disdain for something about your appearance could have been triggered by a comment a teacher of yours has made.

♄ Saturn could have made you hate how you look more mature for your age, if it squares, opposes or conjoins your ascendant. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you may think that you look too solemn. You have a general disdain for your appearance and it takes a long, long time before you find something about yourself that you like and appreciate. You have a particular problem with your appearance, based on the sign Saturn is in, which has a negative effect on your appearance that you see as a flaw, it can even cause depression. Older people can easily have you feeling upset over your appearance.

♅ Uranus can give you something very unusual in your appearance which you dislike, when it's in a conjunction, square or opposition to your ascendant. You may be upset that your features aren't very symmetrical or you may have a more androgynous look which you dislike. You dislike something that makes you stand out from others way too much like a very unusual birth mark. You may take too big risks with your style and apperance which instead of making you look unique make you look like a clown in the eyes of some people. You may have friends that have made fun of your apperance and have cause you to look down on it.

♆ Neptune can give you a signature sad look that you dislike when it's in a conjunction, square or opposition to your ascendant. You often feel sad or even depressed about the way you look. You may delude yourself about what looks good on you. You feel down about your appearance because you think that you lack something - your lips aren't plump enough, your eyes aren't big enough or anything similar. Your own emotions are the enemy that puts you down, because being sad or mad about anything unrelated makes you feel bad about the way you look when you look in the mirror.

♇ Pluto in a conjunction, square or opposition to your ascendant can have you experience huge crisis with your appearance - you may fall into deep depression over the way you look or you may experience a big problem with your appearance that makes you feel awful about it. Making huge changes to your apperance also has you feeling upset, because you can't accept the change and you think it makes you look bad. Traumatic events can alter the way you see yourself and have you look down on yourself. ☽

[burningembers91]

Looking Up - Nam-Gyu x Fem!Reader

Follow up piece to:

Outside Looking In

In the Bleak Midwinter

Without You

Synopsis: Desperate to start afresh and build a life for the both of you, Nam-Gyu searches for a new job. But, with no qualification and no experience, will anyone take a chance on him?

A/N: I saw this gif and it instantly made me think of his itchy interview suit i’d pictured 🥹

Nam-Gyu’s suit was itchy, the fabric pinching at his skin as he sat in the waiting area. His tie was too tight, the uncomfortable compression around his neck making him squirm in his seat. He wasn’t sure why he’d let his brother talk him into borrowing his old suit; it was poorly fitting and the beige colour did nothing for him.

But Nam-Gyu had been desperate, and had nowhere else to turn. You’d been living together for two months now, both of you searching for different jobs that would hopefully lead to better prospects and more money. You’d manage to find a job in a florist, and although it paid almost as poorly as the hostess job, you were so happy. It was what you’d always wanted to do, and your boss was incredible.

Nam-Gyu had decided to take his father’s advice and find a proper job, something in insurance or finance. He’d always been so scared of having a “normal” job, so terrified of becoming another nobody. But he didn’t feel like that anymore; not with you. You made him feel like he could do anything, and for the first time in his life he was happy to blend peacefully into the background. He had you, and you were all he needed.

He’d been looking for jobs for weeks but had been turned down at every corner. He had no real experience, and had never stepped foot inside an office before. This junior finance assistant job was quite probably his last chance, otherwise he’d have to go searching for a job as a waiter. He wanted a job that could support you, that could relieve some of the financial stress you were both under. He’d been awake most of the night thinking about this interview, and as he sat waiting his palms were sweating.

His parents hadn’t spoken to him since the night they kicked him out. Nam-Gyu was hoping that if he got this job he could show his father how hard he’d been working, that he’d finally decided to grow up. He really wanted them to meet you as well, to meet the girl he’d fallen head over heels for. His brothers had met you, and while they would never admit it to Nam-Gyu, they thought you were perfect for him. You grounded their little brother, kept him stable but at the same time made him happier than they had ever seen him. He was an entirely different person around you, no longer cocky and brash, but sweet and gentle. You two were made for each other.

“Park Nam-Gyu?”

His head snapped up at his name to see a woman in a sharp suit eyeing him through a doorway.

“We’re ready for you now.”

Heading into the interview room, he tried to swallow his nerves, wiping his sweaty hands on his itchy suit. A group of two men and one woman sat opposite him, their faces stony as he sat down. His throat suddenly felt impossibly dry, his lungs no longer seemed to work. He couldn’t take a full breath, and he was desperate for a glass of water.

“Tell us a bit about yourself,” one of the men said. “Do you have any experience in finance or accounting?”

“Uh… well…” Nam-Gyu knew the interview was over before it had even begun. He had no experience of anything other than standing out in the cold handing out leaflets that nobody wanted. He’d been rejected for every job he’d applied for, and he knew this one wouldn’t be any different. So what did he have to lose?

“No, not as such.” He admitted. “I was a club promoter for many years. I spent most of my time trying to attract customers to different venues around Seoul.”

“And were you successful?” The woman asked, her razor sharp eyebrow raised high.

“For the most part,” he lied. He wasn’t going to make himself look like a complete idiot.

“So why the change of career?” She asked him.

“Well,” he smiled as he pictured you. “I fell in love. I didn’t think I ever would but I’ve met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that means I need a job; a real job.”

He couldn’t tell how the rest of the interview went. He wasn’t able to answer any accounting related questions, but they asked him lots of questions about his life in general.

He had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach as he made his way home, eager to shed the uncomfortable suit.

“How did it go?” You squealed, as soon he came through the front door. You’d been a bag of nerves all day, checking your phone every two minutes in case he’d texted you.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, hastily removing his suit jacket and pants. “I was honest and told them I didn’t have experience.”

You could sense his frustration, and you wished there was something you could do to help him. He’d been working so hard the last few months, studying accountancy books he picked up at the library, staying up until the early hours of the morning apply for jobs. You wished someone would take a chance on him, to see the hard worker he was.

The two of you spent the rest of the day on the sofa with the TV playing a show neither of you could concentrate on. Nam-Gyu kept checking his phone, refreshing his email every five minutes to see if anything had come through. With each passing minute, his hope waned. No one was going to take a chance on him; not that he blamed them. There was a cafe down the road that was looking for part time workers. He’d head there tomorrow and fill out an application.

It was late when his phone rang, the two of you half asleep in front of the TV. Nam-Gyu shot up at the sound, noticing a number on the screen he wasn’t familiar with.

“Oh my god! It could be them!” You cried, “answer it! Answer it!”

You clapped your hand over your mouth to stay silent, the nervous excitement almost bursting out of you.

“Hello?” He answered the phone, his voice shaking.

“Park Nam-Gyu, this is Kim Ha-Ri from the interview today. I’m just calling because we’d like to offer you the job.”

Nam-Gyu couldn’t speak for a few moments. He’d been so sure he hadn’t got it, was so sure he’d been passed over that he didn’t know what to say.

“Mr Park? Can you hear me?”

“Y-yes,” he stammered, shooting you a quick thumbs up, his face beaming. “That’s incredible, thank you much.”

“Can you start tomorrow? 8am?”

“Absolutely! Thank you so much, I’ll see you then.”

The call ended and he breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, finally things were starting to come together.

“I’m so proud of you,” you smiled, pulling him close to you. “You just watch. It’s only up from here, I promise.”

Nam-Gyu was determined to make this new job a turning point. He was going to make good money, find a new place for you both to live that wasn’t cramped and damp, save up enough that he could take you on holiday. He wanted to show his parents that he had changed, that he was capable of becoming a son they could be proud of.

For the first time in months, you both slept soundly, the prospect of a new life so close you could almost touch it.

[thearcherbrothersx]

Closed starter for @aftermiiidniiight / Muse: Declan Archer

He'd agreed to come by and pick her up this evening. He'd had a late meeting and she was out with friends not too far from his office, so naturally it made sense for his driver to swing by her venue on the way back to his place rather than have her make her way there later.

Declan left his driver with the car outside and made his way inside the club she'd told him she'd be at, his features maintaining the visual of ice; cool and calm. This despite the fact that his eyes visibly began searching the area for her as soon as he stepped inside. He looked entirely out of place, perfectly trimmed and kempt, dressed in a tailored Armani suit, a Rolex around his wrist. The sheer value of the man's attire probably surpassed the average occupant's yearly income. And yet he didn't seem bothered by the smell, the noise or fact that one person or other was intermittently bumping into him as he made his way through the crowds.

In fact, his expression didn't change until he finally spotted the gorgeous redhead on the dancefloor surrounded by several appropriately aged males, and at that point it was only for his lips to thin and brows to shift slightly higher on his forehead before his features settled back into that same indifferent mien. He watched her for a few seconds, considering the many different actions he could take, as well as the possible outcomes of those actions, before he turned around to leave.

[merrybloomwrites]

When The Wolves Come Out (Chapter 2)

Story Summary: When Y/N gets hired to play drums for One Direction, the last thing she expects is to find herself as part of their pack. Especially since it seems that they don’t want her there. Only time will tell if they’ll accept her, or if the omega will have to deal with rejection from the others.

Chapter Summary: Y/N heads to London to start her new job, and receives a less than warm welcome.

Previous chapters: One

Word Count: 1.8K

Tags/CW: omega verse, omega reader, alpha Harry, alpha Zayn, alpha Louis, beta Niall, beta Liam, poly, scenting, Simon Cowell (is this just a tag, or a warning?) , Jonas Brothers

AN: Two chapters in two days? Insane. Honestly I started this weeks ago, got stuck, then wrote a bit making fun of Newark Airport and that got me back in it. Probably going to be longer before chapter 3 is up, but hopefully not too long!

These first 2 chapters are kind of background/exposition, the next chapter should have a lot more interaction between reader and the others!

Enjoy!

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You check your packing list one last time, ensuring that you have everything you need in order to fly out to London.

It’s weird, knowing that in just a few hours you’ll be on a red eye flight by yourself to travel to Europe for a new job. Traveling isn’t new to you, but you’ve always been with your pack.

Growing up next door to the Jonas family had shaped your life in ways your parents never would have expected. First, your two families had merged to form one pack together, essentially giving you brothers when you were an only child.

Kevin, Joe, and Nick had always loved music. And hearing them play it constantly got you involved as well. Which is why you had picked up drumsticks as a child and never put them down.

Your life was exciting, so different from all of your peers. You were only a child when you all started touring. It was little places at first: malls, parks, high schools. And then the venues got bigger, as did the crowds.

And then it all came crashing down. You don’t blame Nick for breaking up the band, not really. He was a kid when it started, and you could see he was completely burnt out. But you still would’ve appreciated some warning first.

Luckily it didn’t take too long for you to get a new job. Surprisingly, it had practically fallen in your lap. Word that you were available had apparently made its way through the music-world grapevine, all the way back to those in charge of hiring band members for One Direction.

Accepting the offer had been a no-brainer. It was only after you’d signed the contract that you paused to wonder what you’d gotten yourself into. Looking at the history, you’re the first girl to ever be in their band. And you can’t see a record of there ever being an omega either. Of course, they could have lied to hide it, but based on the way the music industry works, you’re pretty sure what you see is the truth.

You admit that your situation is unique, and that if you hadn’t been family, and pack with the Jonas Brothers, you probably never would have made it in the music world. People just don’t hire omegas, and that was that.

But for some reason, you now get to prove yourself even more. You hope that by going out there and succeeding in this, you can at least start changing how omegas are viewed.

Before you can get lost in your spiral of thoughts, your mom pops into your room.

“Kevin is here,” she says.

“Ok, can you send him up please?” You ask.

“Will do,” she replies.

You take a deep breath, steeling yourself to say goodbye to one of your closest friends. You’d already seen Nick and Joe, and that had been hard enough.

“Hey kid,” Kevin says as he walks in, bringing his calming scent with him. He sits next to you on the bed, and you’re both quiet for a moment.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

“Anxious. Excited. Little scared, little happy.”

“So just everything at once,” he sums up.

“Pretty much,” you reply.

“You’re going to do amazing, you know that, right?”

You turn to look at him, and you’re suddenly hit with overwhelming emotions. Sensing the distress in your scent, he holds you close, subtly scenting you. He technically shouldn’t, not now that your pack has broken up, but he can’t help it. Not after being an alpha in your life for years.

“You really think that?” You ask once you’ve gotten your emotions under control.

“Of course I do. You’re incredibly talented. And so smart. And a little bit mischievous, which used to drive me crazy, but I think it gives you the edge you need to survive in this industry. And I for one, cannot wait to see you shine on this tour.”

“Thank you,” you say as you turn to give him a hug, the embrace telling him all the words you can’t say.

“I brought you some scented clothes, just in case,” he says as you pull away. “Did Joe give you any?”

“Yea, he gave me a bag with some stuff yesterday.”

“Ok, good. I mentioned it, but I wasn’t sure he’d remember.”

“He did. And Nick gave me a stuffed animal to bring. Said even if he can’t scent things, he still wanted me to have something from him.”

“We’re all going to miss you,” Kevin says.

“I’m going to miss you too,” you reply.

“I should let you finish packing, your mom said you’re heading out soon.”

“Yea, about an hour till we need to leave.”

“Hey, have fun at Newark!”

“Oh, so fun, my favorite airport in the world,” you reply with an eye roll.

“Make sure you tuck and roll at drop off, cause god forbid the car come to a complete stop.”

“I can’t believe how many times we’ve been yelled at by those security guards for simply existing there.”

Kevin smiles and is quiet for another moment before saying, “Be safe, omega. And if you need anything, you call me. Doesn’t matter what it is or where you are.”

“I will.”

He pulls you in for another hug and you say your final goodbyes.

Once he’s gone you check that everything is packed, and before you know it you’re heading to the airport.

You’d washed off traces of Kevin’s scent, and sprayed on neutralizers to cover your own. You’re not exactly famous, but you’ve gained a decent following in the past years. If you get spotted in public while smelling like an alpha it could raise questions and lead to speculation. So while you hated washing away Kevin’s comforting scent, you know it’s for the best.

When you get there you say goodbye to your parents and head inside. It’s a surprisingly smooth travel experience, and before you know it, you’re landing in England. You head to the hotel to settle in, since your first meeting isn’t until the morning.

It’s tough waking up the next day, not yet used to the time change. But you’re excited to meet everyone and start this new adventure so you hurry to get ready.

Your first meeting is with Simon, the boss man, head honcho, and truthfully, you’re terrified. Part of you wishes you could put this off, but another part of you is happy to be getting it over with.

The hotel is in walking distance, and you’re grateful for the fresh air and exercise to help you center yourself before the day ahead.

You get to the building and show your ID to security. After confirming that you’re supposed to be there, you’re given a pass as well as directions on where to go.

One quick elevator ride and you find yourself in a well decorated lobby.

“Hello, welcome to Syco, I’m Amelia. You must be Y/N,” the receptionist says. “Mr. Cowell is finishing a phone call and then you’ll be able to go in. Do you need anything while you wait?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” you reply. She gestures to the chairs and you follow the unspoken direction, taking a seat on the edge of a chair.

Luckily it’s not too long of a wait, and a few minutes later Amelia is leading you down the hall. Before you know it, you’re sitting face to face with Simon Cowell.

He’s intimidating, but charismatic, and you get more comfortable as the meeting progresses. It’s mostly administrative information, schedules, rules, expectations. It’s going well, and you begin to wonder why you were so worried in the first place.

And then he says, “Now, let’s talk about your status.”

“My status?” You ask, confused.

“Yes. Your omega status. As I’m sure you know, we’ve never had an omega touring before. And I’m sure you also know Louis, Harry, and Zayn are all alphas.”

“Oh. Right, of course. I promise that my focus is on the job and the music, not on trying to find myself an alpha. I’ll be completely professional around them.”

“Actually, I’m looking for the opposite. It will be good for the boys to have an omega around. I want you spending time with them, being seen with them in public.”

With this new information you try your best to maintain a poker face. Is that why you’d gotten the job? To act as omega for them? To get them more publicity or some crap like that?

You should have seen it coming.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he says. “And no, we didn’t just hire you for this. You’re talented and experienced. But you being an omega is a perk. These boys have been by themselves for too long. I worry that they’re losing some of their instincts, never being around omegas. I’m just looking out for them. Do you understand?”

“I do.”

“I’m sure in your position you’re inclined to suppress your omega side. That’s what society tells you to do. But that’s not what I want you to do. Don’t hide it, embrace it. Now, let’s go meet the others,” Simon concludes.

So that’s how it will be. Simon dictates, and everyone listens, no discussion. Somewhat disappointing, but not entirely surprising. He stands, so you do too. You follow him out of the room and down the hallway to a conference room.

Opening the door, he announces “I’d like you all to meet your new drummer.”

You take a deep breath before entering the room. When you do, the five boys stand, and one by one they introduce themselves. They’re polite, but appear very reserved. You sense some hostility even, and it makes the hair on the back of your neck raise, a clear sign of your inner omegas anxiety.

The alphas shift uncomfortably, and even with your scent blockers, you know that they can sense your negative feelings. Clearly they can tell you’re distressed, but rather than doing anything to fix it, they all sit back at the table, putting distance between you and them. You sit as well, and Simon stands at the head of the table.

“A reminder boys, that you are expected to be welcoming to everyone on our team. Now, prep for tour begins tomorrow. I expect all of you at the rehearsal space at 8am. You’re dismissed.”

The others stand immediately, and as they leave you hear Louis say something about getting back home. It makes you feel like an outsider, like you’re trying to infiltrate somewhere you don’t belong.

As you stand to leave, Simon stops you and says, “See what I mean? They’re closed off, sticking amongst themselves. They don’t have any instincts when it comes to omegas. I’m worried about them.”

You study him for a moment, unsure of his sincerity. Part of you wants to leave, say no to being used this way. But you know this is too good of an opportunity to pass up.

So instead of quitting, you say, “I’ll do my best to help them.”

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AN: Thank you for reading! Please lmk if you’d like to be on the tag list!

[kathlare]

a familiar stranger

Lando Norris x Amelie Dayman

Summary: At the annual drivers' dinner in Abu Dhabi, Lando is caught off guard when Amelie unexpectedly returns to the scene.

Wordcount: 1.8 k

Warnings: none

full masterlist // request over here!

November 17th, 2024 - Yas Island, Abu Dhabi

The drivers' annual dinner in Abu Dhabi was never meant to be anything special—just a casual night where the drivers could sit down, have a meal, and share some laughs away from the prying eyes of the media and their teams. They were all used to the spotlight, but for tonight, they could relax and be themselves without the pressure.

Lando had always enjoyed these dinners, even if they were a little too formal for his liking. It was an opportunity to unwind, have a few drinks, and catch up with everyone, especially after a long, grueling season. As he arrived at the venue, the air was thick with chatter and laughter. It was a familiar sound—the kind that always seemed to echo in his mind when he thought of the drivers as a group. There was camaraderie here, shared experiences, and a sense of community that Lando could always count on.

He slid into his seat at the long table, offering a grin to Charles and Alex, who were already bantering about something—probably racing strategies or their most recent online game debacle. Lando’s eyes scanned the room, exchanging pleasantries with a few more familiar faces before he sat back and relaxed.

As the evening unfolded, the conversation flowed effortlessly, with jokes and stories bouncing between the drivers. Lando laughed along with them, nursing a drink in hand. It was easy to lose himself in the moment, surrounded by friends who had become like family over the years. For the first time in a long time, he felt a semblance of peace—a break from the whirlwind of his life.

Then the door opened, and everything changed.

He wasn’t the only one to notice. The atmosphere shifted as heads turned toward the new arrival. At first, Lando didn’t pay much attention, assuming it was just a latecomer or maybe a server bringing something in. But then he caught a glimpse of familiar blonde hair, a laugh that sent a jolt through his chest.

It couldn’t be.

Amelie.

She stood in the doorway, her face lit up in surprise as Checo jumped to his feet. Lando watched as the two embraced, Checo pulling her into a bear hug, his voice breaking as he said something Lando couldn’t quite hear. The room erupted in cheers and applause, everyone clapping at the unexpected reunion.

Lando felt his breath catch in his throat, his grip tightening around his glass as he stared at her. It was her. It had been months since he’d last seen her, and yet somehow, she looked both completely different and exactly the same. Her outfit was simple but effortlessly elegant—jeans paired with a black tank top and a leather jacket slung over her shoulders. But it wasn’t just her appearance. She carried herself differently. There was a lightness about her, a glow that Lando hadn’t seen before.

Fuck, she looked beautiful.

He told himself to look away, to focus on the conversation happening around him, but he couldn’t. His chest tightened with a flood of emotions he hadn’t felt in months—emotions he thought he’d buried. Seeing her now, so close yet so far, it was like she was reopening a part of him he’d locked away.

Amelie made her way into the room, her laughter ringing out again as she greeted the drivers one by one. The others were on their feet, crowding around her, welcoming her back like a long-lost sister. It was no secret that she’d grown up around the sport, spending years traveling to races with her family, forming bonds with many of them. To the drivers, she was more than Checo’s sister-in-law—she was family.

Lando stayed in his seat, his mind racing. The last time he’d seen her was in May of 2021, when everything between them had fallen apart. He’d told himself it was for the best, that their lives were too different, too complicated to make things work. But now, sitting here, he wasn’t so sure.

Charles, who was sitting next to him, nudged his shoulder. —You alright, mate? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.—

Lando forced a laugh, shaking his head. —Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t expect her to show up, that’s all.—

—None of us did,— Alex chimed in from across the table. —But it’s good to see her. She looks happy, doesn’t she?—

Happy. That was the word that kept echoing in Lando’s mind. She did look happy—happier than he’d ever seen her. And that realization hit him harder than he cared to admit.

He watched as Amelie finally made her way to their end of the table, her smile widening as she approached Checo. The older man’s eyes were misty as he pulled her into another hug, his voice thick with emotion.

—I can’t believe you’re here,— Checo said, his words carrying over the chatter in the room. —You didn’t tell anyone you were coming.—

—I wanted to surprise you,— Amelie replied, her voice soft but filled with warmth. —It’s been too long.—

Checo stepped back, wiping at his eyes with a laugh. —Too long? It’s been forever. Look at you... you’re all grown up now.—

Amelie rolled her eyes playfully, but her smile didn’t waver. —I’m 21, Checo. Hardly ‘all grown up.’—

The exchange brought a round of laughter from the drivers, and for a moment, Lando allowed himself to smile. She hadn’t changed that much—still quick-witted, still capable of lighting up a room without even trying.

As Amelie greeted the others, Lando felt his stomach twist. He knew it was only a matter of time before she reached him. Part of him wanted to stand up, to walk over and say something—anything—but his feet felt like they were glued to the floor.

And then, it happened.

Amelie’s gaze met his, and for a split second, the world seemed to stop. Her smile faltered, just for a moment, before she composed herself and continued down the line of drivers. She didn’t say a word to him, didn’t even acknowledge his presence beyond that brief glance. It was as if he didn’t exist.

Lando’s chest tightened, his jaw clenching as he tried to push down the sting of her indifference. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected—a warm greeting, an awkward conversation, maybe even a cold shoulder—but this? This was worse.

Amelie moved on, her laugh ringing out as she embraced George, then Alex, and finally Carlos, who made some joke in Spanish that had her doubling over with laughter. The others were equally animated, everyone drawn to her like moths to a flame. She was the same Amelie he remembered, yet... not. The effortless way she carried herself, the confidence that seemed to radiate from her—it was new. It was different.

Lando sat frozen, his hands gripping the edges of his chair as he fought to keep his emotions in check. She hadn’t looked at him again, not once, as if the brief flicker of eye contact they’d shared had never happened. His mind raced with everything he wanted to say to her, everything he wanted to ask. But he didn’t move. He couldn’t.

—Mate, you okay?— Carlos’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. The Spaniard had returned to his seat, his dark eyes studying Lando carefully.

—Yeah,— Lando replied, his voice tight. —I’m fine.—

Carlos raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t push. Instead, his gaze flicked across the room, where Amelie was now chatting animatedly with Charles and Pierre. She looked completely at ease, her head tilting back as she laughed at something Pierre had said.

Max, seated on Lando’s other side, leaned in slightly. —You’re not fine,— he muttered under his breath, his tone more knowing than curious.

Lando shot him a glare. —Drop it, Max.—

But Max didn’t. His gaze flicked between Amelie and Lando, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. —It’s been a while, hasn’t it?—

Lando didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. Max knew. He always had.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur for Lando. Conversations swirled around him, jokes were made, and drinks were poured, but he was only half present. His focus kept drifting back to Amelie—her laughter, the way her hands moved as she talked, the way she effortlessly drew everyone in.

He watched her from across the room, his chest tightening every time she smiled or tossed her hair over her shoulder. She was magnetic, and the fact that she seemed so completely unfazed by his presence only added to the sting.

He remembered how things used to be—the stolen moments, the whispered conversations, the way she’d look at him like he was the only person in the world. He thought he’d moved on, that he’d buried those feelings deep enough to forget. But seeing her now, so close yet so unreachable, brought everything rushing back with a force he wasn’t prepared for.

At one point, Amelie caught Max’s attention and walked over to him. Lando tensed, watching their interaction out of the corner of his eye. Max greeted her warmly, pulling her into a quick hug, but his gaze flickered toward Lando as they spoke. There was something in Max’s expression—an unspoken understanding that made Lando’s stomach churn.

Carlos, who had been quietly observing the entire evening, leaned closer to Lando. —So, are you going to talk to her, or are you just going to sit there sulking all night?—

—I’m not sulking,— Lando shot back, his voice low. —And no, I’m not going to talk to her.—

Carlos tilted his head, studying him. —She looks... different. Happier.—

Lando didn’t respond. He didn’t need to. Carlos was right, and it only made the ache in his chest worse.

Across the room, Amelie was now chatting with Esteban and Mick, her smile as bright as ever. Lando felt a pang of jealousy—an irrational, stupid feeling that he had no right to. She wasn’t his. She hadn’t been his for a long time.

But that didn’t stop the memories from flooding back. The late-night drives, the quiet moments when it was just the two of them, the way her laugh used to make his heart race. He’d thought he could handle seeing her again, that he’d be fine. He was wrong.

Max returned to his seat, and for a moment, there was silence between him and Lando. Then Max spoke, his voice low enough that only Lando could hear. —You still love her, don’t you?—

Lando froze, his jaw tightening. —It doesn’t matter.—

Max raised an eyebrow but didn’t press further. Instead, he leaned back in his chair, his gaze drifting toward Amelie. —It’s going to matter, mate. Sooner or later.—

Lando didn’t respond. He couldn’t. Because deep down, he knew Max was right.

[theplantbish]

Helsingin Sanomat Käärijä article (11.10.) translated

Käärijä licks a carrot and makes OF content - It’s not just about clowning, the artist says

Käärijä’s CCC era comes to an end, when he releases a new album in November. On the album he sings about sex, among other things.

At the moment Käärijä is on an European tour. Between summer’s festival gigs and his fall tour he had time to take three weeks off.

Summary box:

Käärijä, Jere Pöyhönen, released a new song called Sex = Money, and makes OF content

OF-account has a couple of hundred of followers, subscription costs 40e per month

Pöyhönen is on an European tour, in Germany his gigs have been nearly sold out

New album People’s Champion comes out on Nov. 1st. It includes a personal song

“I started to sell sex because sex sells.”

Sings Käärijä, Jere Pöyhönen, on his new song Sex = Money. In the song’s promo video Pöyhönen licks a dirty carrot on a balcony. Fans know what the carrot is a reference to. On a video (plant note: it’s a pic HS get your facts right) posted on Käärijä’s OF account, a carrot sticks up from between Pöyhönen’s buttcheeks.

Yes, Käärijä makes OF content.

On the paid adult content site he has a couple of hundred followers. Subscription costs 40e per month.

When asked about his adult content career, he laughs.

“It’s more just a little fun for the fans,” he tells HS on the phone.

Pöyhönen is currently on an European tour. On the four gigs held in Germany the tickets have been nearly sold out, he says. The venues have been theaters and clubs that fit from 700 to 1,500 people.

On the stage Pöyhönen has been speaking rally-English and has been on his element. The audience has been a bit more grown up compared to Finland, he says.

Käärijä gathered a big audience in Hamburg on Oct. 8th

In Finland Käärijä is an Eurovision hero that also kids admire. At all ages gigs he can’t curse and make dirty jokes the same way he does at club gigs.

Pöyhönen hopes that kids won’t find his OF account. That’s why he hasn’t posted about it much on his social media.

The new song that tells about selling sex won’t be left out of all ages gigs. The lyrics of the song will be changed, though, Pöyhönen says.

“Maybe we’ll sing about selling Lego.”

Whether parents play the new song to their kids or not is out of his hands, according to him. As a child he listened to Petri Nygård’s songs.

“And I’m still sane.” x

Pöyhönen talks about OF as a branding tool, that mostly gives him just a bit of extra money.

He created the account with Häärijä last December. At first it worked as a paid advent calendar for the fans. Pöyhönen told in the Urheilucast podcast that they made 40K euros on the first month.

Pöyhönen won’t reveal what he makes with the OF account these days, but evidently he has made more during the year.

“If someone wants to pay for it, that’s nice. But I have completely different sources of income,” Pöyhönen says.

In the videos Käärijä and Häärijä do mildly naughty things to each other. It’s like a dirty Kummeli show. More like soft porn than actual porn, Pöyhönen describes. 

“We’ve filmed stuff for the account that has made us laugh.”

(there was a pic of the crowd but I don't feel comfortable posting it here. The text under the pic: According to Pöyhönen, the audience at his European gigs is mostly just adults.)

It’s not all just about clowning. OF account and Sex = Money song are an ironic statement on how the world runs around sex too much. As if it was easier to sell sex than music.

Even though Pöyhönen himself says that he objects to marketing music with sex, Käärijä the character does it blindly with everyone else.

“In a way I’m taking a stand without taking a stand.”

Käärijä’s CCC era comes to an official end, when his new album People’s Champion comes out on Nov. 1st.

On the new album we’ll hear the first song fully sung by Käärijä. The topic is personal, Pöyhönen reveals, but won’t comment on the new music more than that.

“There probably won’t be any radical changes,” Pöyhönen says.

Pöyhönen wants to hold onto his underage fans. He sees the all ages gigs as great opportunities to talk about bullying, for example.

“Even before ESC Käärijä character was obscene. I don’t want to change my musical style too much. I make art that looks like me, my own thing.”

[nglgfics]

The roadie - part 2

(Warning: Mention of an abusive relationship)

(18+)

Masterlist

Part 1

You had a nervous knot in your stomach before you even stepped off the train.

Not excitement, not exactly. More like something else. Like a thread pulled too tight in your chest, humming quietly under your ribs. Like stepping into a room you’d left too soon, unsure what you’d find still waiting there.

Lisa was with you again, dragging her wheeled bag behind her, already fanning herself with the train ticket. The heat was thick in the air, that still, stifling kind of June warmth that clung to the city and made the pavement sweat.

She was chatting the whole way—about work, about Mark, about how she was “definitely not shagging him again unless he at least pretends to buy her dinner.” You half-listened. You nodded when it made sense to. But your head was somewhere else.

Not that you said it. Not that you needed to.

Lisa knew. Probably more than you’d told her. She didn’t press. She let you float through the check-in at the budget hotel, let you leave your bag on the bed without unpacking, and didn’t comment when you stood in front of the mirror a bit longer than usual.

You changed your shirt twice. Settled on the one that wasn’t trying too hard. Wiped off your lipstick. Reapplied it. Took a breath.

You weren’t expecting anything.

But you still wanted to feel ready.

The venue was bigger than Birmingham and Poole, with metal beams across the ceiling and bar lights glowing amber against concrete walls. You slipped in early with Lisa, the air thick with reverb and the faint tang of beer soaked into everything.

She peeled off quickly—Mark had found her like a magnet and was already making her laugh near the front of the bar. You stayed where you were. Close to the wall. Cool bottle of water in hand. Watching the space fill. Watching for him.

You weren’t pretending anymore. You were hoping to see him.

And then—you did.

Off to the side of the stage, crouched over a pedalboard, sleeves shoved up, hair in his face. Focused. Still. Same as he’d been in Birmingham. Same as he’d been in Poole.

But now, the sight of him hit different. Not harder. Not lighter. Just deeper.

You thought you might look away. But you didn’t.

He looked up.

And saw you.

No smile. No wave. Just his eyes locking onto yours. A small shift in his posture—almost nothing. But you felt it.

Like he’d been waiting for you to show, and now he didn’t have to.

You felt it everywhere.

After soundcheck, you wandered away from the crowd. Too loud by the stage. Too many people by the bar. You ended up by a side hallway—cooler, dimmer, quiet for a moment.

You leaned against the wall and closed your eyes.

You were half expecting him by now. So when you opened your eyes and he was there—it wasn’t a surprise.

But it still did something to you.

He stopped a few feet away. Same slouched stance. Same old hoodie, sleeves shoved to his elbows. Fringe sticking to his forehead from the heat.

“I thought you might show,” he said.

You shrugged. “I had a ticket.”

He gave a low, amused sound. “That what we’re going with?”

You met his eyes. “You have a better theory?”

He looked at you for a beat. Just looked.

Then: “Didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“Yeah,” you said, honest. “I wasn’t sure either.”

You stood like that for a while. Not talking. Not needing to.

The air was warm, and the space between you even warmer.

Then, softer: “I looked for you,” he said. “In Poole.”

That one landed.

You didn’t look away. “Yeah. I know.”

A pause stretched between you. Then—quiet, a little hoarse:

“I shouldn’t have pulled back like that.”

You meant to leave it there.

But something in his silence made you add, low:

“I wanted to see you. I just… didn’t want to get it wrong.”

His jaw shifted slightly. He didn’t push it. Just nodded. Slow. Like he understood exactly what you meant.

“You staying tonight?”

You hesitated. “Same hotel as Lisa.”

“Right.”

He didn’t ask for more. Didn’t try to fix anything.

But before he stepped away, he said:

“I’m glad you came.”

And that one—you didn’t pretend not to hear.

You nodded. “Me too.”

—-

After the gig, the city was glowing.

Sweaty, loud, golden with streetlight. The streets still held the warmth of the day, pavement radiating up into your shoes, the night pulsing with leftover sound.

You waited by the front doors, arms folded, eyes scanning for Lisa.

She didn’t come.

You paced. Checked your bag again. Kicked yourself a little for not grabbing the key off her before she disappeared into Mark’s laugh and whatever came next.

She’d left with him. No messages. No note. No clue where they’d gone.

And the room key—your only way in—was sitting in the back pocket of her jeans, probably under a jacket on someone’s floor.

You stared at the street for a while. Let the ache settle.

You hadn’t planned on this.

But of course, it tracked.

When you turned, Noel was standing nearby.

Leaning against the low wall just outside the venue, one boot hooked back against the brick, watching you.

Not intruding. Not assuming.

Just there.

Like he had been all night.

He didn’t speak right away, just caught your eyes with his. And waited.

You walked over and stopped a step away.

“Lisa disappeared,” you said.

He didn’t blink. “She take the key?”

You nodded.

He gave the smallest smile, dry and quiet. “Figures.”

He looked out at the street. Then back at you.

“You’ve got two options,” he said. “Chase her down.”

“Or?”

“Or come back with me.”

You studied him. His expression didn’t change.

No tension. No nerves.

Just the same dry calm. The same quiet kindness beneath the sarcasm.

“I’ve got a flat,” he said. “It’s not far. You’d have your own bed. Or the sofa. Whatever.”

You raised an eyebrow. “No tourbus?”

“Not tonight.”

A pause.

The air between you shifted again. Warmer. Closer.

Still no pressure. Still no assumptions.

And somehow—that made the decision easier.

“Alright,” you said.

He nodded once. “Alright.”

Then he turned. Hands in his pockets. No fanfare.

And you followed.

Not because you had nowhere else to go.

But because you knew—this was exactly where you wanted to be.

—-

The walk back to his flat was quiet, the kind of silence that didn’t ask to be filled. The city had softened around the edges—shop windows dark, traffic sparse, the night stretched long and warm like it didn’t want to let go of the day. You didn’t speak. Not because there was nothing to say, but because the stillness between you felt better than breaking it.

His flat was up a narrow staircase above a corner shop, the door sticking before it gave under his shoulder. He didn’t make excuses. Just flicked the light on and stepped inside, barefoot on scuffed floorboards. It smelled faintly of clean cotton, warm dust, something earthy and lived-in.

You paused just inside, watching him move—quiet, comfortable, not performative. A guitar leaned in the corner. Records under the coffee table. A fan turning lazily in the corner. The place had a kind of stillness to it. Like it didn’t mind being alone.

“You want a drink or anything?” he asked, glancing back.

You shook your head. “I’m good.”

He nodded once. “Bed’s through there,” he said, gesturing down the hall. “It’s yours tonight.”

You turned to look at him. “You don’t have to—”

“I do,” he said. Not pushy. Just matter-of-fact. “You’ll sleep better.”

You weren’t sure if it was the bed or the gesture that made your throat go tight, but you nodded. Said nothing more.

He disappeared for a moment and came back with a folded T-shirt. Held it out without comment.

You took it, fingers brushing his. “Thanks.”

“Bathroom’s on the left,” he said. Then added, dry, “Ignore the mess. Or judge me quietly.”

You gave him a look over your shoulder. “I’ll judge you silently. I’m polite like that.”

That pulled the corner of his mouth up—barely there, but real.

You changed with your back to him. Shirt slipped over your head, the borrowed T-shirt falling warm and loose over your skin. You bent to fold your clothes and felt it: his eyes. Just a flicker. Just long enough to stir the back of your neck.

You didn’t turn around. But you felt the heat of it stay.

When you looked up again, he’d peeled off his own shirt and tossed it onto the back of a chair. He was down to his boxers now, lean and soft-skinned, the faint rise and fall of his stomach marking the only sign that he was still catching his breath from the night.

He caught you watching.

Didn’t smirk. Didn’t tease.

Just held your gaze, unblinking, until you looked away.

The bedroom was quiet and warm. You slipped between the sheets and stared at the ceiling, the air thick with everything unspoken. The fan turned slow in the corner. The street sounds drifted up through the cracked window—soft laughter, a car engine, someone singing, far off and out of key.

You rolled onto your side.

Back again.

Pressed your thighs together.

Thought about his hands. The way his fingers had lingered when he pushed the strand of hair behind your ear when you first met. The line of his throat when he tilted his head to watch you, the flash of something more when he didn’t know you were looking.

Eventually, you got up. Not because you meant to. But because lying down still felt louder than moving.

The kitchen was dim, the light from the window painting soft stripes across the floor. You poured a glass of water and leaned against the counter, your fingers loose around the rim.

That’s when you saw him.

Still awake.

Sitting on the edge of the sofa, his elbows on his knees, head turned slightly toward the hallway like he’d heard you coming. His hair was tousled. His mouth a faint line. His chest bare, lit by the orange wash of a streetlamp outside.

You didn’t speak.

Just walked to him, slow and barefoot.

You stopped between his knees.

He looked up at you—quiet, steady, a question in his eyes he didn’t ask out loud.

You brushed your fingers through his hair.

He closed his eyes.

And then leaned forward and rested his forehead against your stomach.

His arms came around your thighs, loose and warm, not pulling—just holding.

You stroked his hair gently. Felt his breath through the cotton of the T-shirt. His hands stayed still, but you could feel it in his body—the way he exhaled. The way his shoulders dropped.

You didn’t say anything.

Didn’t need to.

After a while, he looked up. You didn’t move.

And without a word, he slipped his hands along your waist and tugged you gently down into his lap.

You settled into his lap, one knee on either side of his hips, your body folding into his with the kind of ease that surprised you. It wasn’t rehearsed. It wasn’t careful. It was just right.

His hands slid naturally to your waist. No hesitation. No grab. Just the steady pressure of his palms against your skin like he was grounding himself—or maybe you.

You didn’t speak.

Didn’t need to.

Your lips found his, and the kiss was soft at first—unrushed, exploratory. He kissed you like he meant to remember how every part of you felt. Your lips. Your weight. The sound you made when his hand slid higher beneath your shirt and found the bare skin at your back.

You deepened the kiss. Tilted your hips forward. The friction was instant and electric, the length of him hard against you through the thin fabric of your underwear and his boxers. You gasped into his mouth, and he broke the kiss long enough to catch his breath, forehead resting briefly against yours.

“Fuck,” he muttered, voice low and frayed at the edges.

Your response wasn’t words—it was motion. You rolled your hips again, chasing the friction. The heat between your legs was dizzying now, insistent and aching. You didn’t mean to grind down on him, not quite like that, but the way his hands tightened around your waist told you he didn’t mind. At all.

He groaned—quiet, but real—and pulled you in tighter, letting you move against him. His mouth found your throat, your collarbone, and then he shifted slightly, lifting your shirt. Not all the way, just enough to mouth at the skin beneath it.

Your breath hitched when his hands cupped your breasts, thumbs brushing over your nipples through the fabric. When you arched into him, he didn’t ask for more—just lifted the shirt higher, his mouth following the trail of skin he’d exposed.

He took one nipple into his mouth, sucking gently, tongue circling. The sensation stole the breath from your lungs. You held onto his shoulders, fingers digging in, your whole body pressing closer as you rocked your hips again, this time unable to stop yourself.

He made a sound deep in his throat. His hands clamped at your hips, guiding the motion. His mouth moved to your other breast, slower this time, dragging his tongue in soft circles before he closed his lips around you again. You were gasping now—quiet, desperate little breaths—and he kissed up your chest as your hips kept moving, grinding with a slow insistence that felt almost unbearable.

Your knickers were soaked. The pressure was maddening, and you could feel how close he was too—his thighs tense, his grip unsteady, his breath catching every time you moved.

“Jesus,” he breathed. “You’re gonna kill me.”

You let out a shaky laugh, forehead resting against his. “You started it.”

“Not like that.”

He kissed you again—less polished now, more breath than shape—and your hands found the back of his neck, fingers threading into his hair. The rhythm between you was slow, almost torturous, the friction sweet and steady and not enough.

But somehow it was perfect.

And just when it started to feel like too much—when you thought you might actually come just like this, bodies pressed together and still dressed—he slowed you down. His hands on your hips softened, then stilled. Not in rejection. Just… holding.

You looked at him, chest rising fast, lips parted.

His gaze was heavy, locked on yours.

“Come to bed,” he said. Quiet. Certain.

You nodded.

Didn’t speak.

Just kissed him once more—slow, deep—and rose from his lap on shaking legs.

He didn’t follow right away. Just watched you go.

Like maybe he’d already been dreaming this.

You moved down the hallway in silence, barefoot and a little unsteady, the heat still lingering low in your belly. The bedroom was dim, lit only by the faint spill of streetlight through the open window. The air was still warm, the fan clicking gently as it turned.

You stood by the bed, your breath steadying as you waited.

He came in quietly, the door falling shut behind him with a soft snick. His eyes met yours—not cautious, not demanding. Just there. Present.

You didn’t say anything.

You reached for the hem of your shirt, but his hand stopped yours, gentle at your wrist.

“Let me.”

You let your arms fall, let him lift the fabric over your head slowly. He dropped it to the floor without taking his eyes off you.

His gaze moved down your body—not greedy, just slow. Intent.

His hands slid down your sides, then to the waistband of your knickers.

He paused.

You nodded.

He knelt. Pulled them down. Kissed the inside of your thigh, then rose again, stepping out of his boxers without a word.

There was no flourish. No waiting.

Just you, and him, and everything between you stripped away.

You lay back on the bed and he came down over you, bracing himself with one arm beside your head. His other hand rested at your hip, thumb brushing a slow line there like he needed to keep touching you, even in stillness.

His eyes met yours once more. A check. A promise.

And then he lowered himself between your legs.

He took his time—tongue warm, soft, deliberate. He didn’t push. Didn’t rush. Just moved with a quiet certainty, learning you in real time, gauging every shift in your breath, every catch in your throat.

You felt your body opening under him, slow and trembling. His hands anchored your hips, not to control—just to stay close. Your fingers curled into the sheets, your breath ragged, until finally, everything inside you broke loose and gave in.

You came hard, hips lifting off the bed, his name barely escaping your lips.

He didn’t stop until the shaking in your legs had passed. Until you’d sagged back into the mattress, your chest rising fast, one hand falling weakly over your eyes.

He kissed your thigh again. Then moved up your body, slow and deliberate, like he didn’t want to lose contact for a second longer than he had to.

You were still gasping quietly when he settled over you, his skin hot, his chest damp.

His mouth brushed your jaw. Then your cheek.

You turned to look at him, and he just said, “Still with me?”

You nodded, too full to speak.

His hand slid between your legs again—slow, tender, reacquainting—and you let him find the rhythm again. But this time, he brought his body down over yours and kissed you deeply as he guided himself to your entrance.

The pressure made you gasp.

He went slow—inch by inch—until he was fully inside you, your legs around his waist, your arms curling over his shoulders to hold him there.

He swore into your neck. Not loud. Just stunned.

He didn’t move at first. Just stayed still, forehead resting against yours, his breath uneven.

Then he started to move.

The rhythm was slow. Steady. Each thrust deep and patient, like he wanted you to feel every second of it. He watched your face. Adjusted. Made space for you.

You pulled him closer, mouth at his jaw, breath catching as your body clenched around him, sensitive from the first orgasm, the heat blooming again faster this time, sharper.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Just like that.”

You came again, buried against his neck, a soft moan curling out of you as your body shook around him.

That undid him.

His movements faltered. He buried his face in your hair and gave a single, broken sound—deep and low—and came inside you, his whole body curling with it, held together only by your hands and breath.

You stayed wrapped around each other, barely moving.

His hand came to rest on your back, fingers tracing up and down in slow, calming strokes.

The fan ticked.

The city breathed.

Your chest rose and fell against his.

Eventually, he shifted just enough to pull the blanket over you, then gathered you closer, as if sleep was coming whether he wanted it to or not.

But before it did, you spoke.

Quiet. Uncertain.

“I wasn’t expecting this.”

His fingers paused at your back. Then resumed.

“I know,” he said.

You lay there for a few long seconds. You thought that might be the end of it.

But then he added, “Still glad it happened.”

You let out a breath. Almost a laugh. Small.

“Me too.”

—-

You woke to warmth—sunlight pooling through the curtain, the fan humming low in the corner, and the weight of his arm across your waist. His chest was pressed to your back, legs tangled with yours beneath the sheets, the skin of his forearm resting soft against your stomach.

For a few quiet minutes, you didn’t move.

He didn’t either.

Then, without lifting his head, he mumbled into the space between your neck and shoulder, “What time is it?”

You smiled. “Early.”

He made a faint, wordless noise and didn’t move again.

You stayed like that, half-asleep together, until the light grew too strong to ignore and the room began to stir around you.

In the kitchen, you moved on instinct—kettle filled, mugs out. His shirt hung soft on your frame, brushing the backs of your thighs. You stood barefoot on warm tiles while the water boiled, sleep still clinging to your limbs like fog.

He came in a few minutes later, barefoot, quiet, rubbing his hand through his hair. You passed him a mug, and he took it without saying anything at first.

Then, a small smile. “You didn’t run off.”

You looked at him over the rim of your cup. “Should I have?”

He shook his head. “No. Just… wasn’t sure.”

You shrugged. “Didn’t want to.”

That seemed to settle something.

You sat at the little table together, sun cutting across the wood. The quiet wasn’t heavy. Just calm.

“You alright?” he asked after a few sips.

You nodded. “Yeah. You?”

He looked down at his tea, then back at you. “Yeah.”

A pause.

Then you said it—not dramatic, not hesitant. Just honest.

“That wasn’t nothing.”

He met your eyes.

“No,” he said. “It wasn’t.”

You let that sit for a second. Let the truth of it stretch out between you. Warm. Real.

“Good,” you said softly.

He smiled. “Yeah. Good.”

[crowlixcx]

Please god please HOW WAS MACBETH

Okay bestie lets get into it!! Obvs it's...literally Macbeth lol so I doubt i'm spoiling the plot for anyone here however if anyone reading this does have tickets and doesn't want to know anything about staging etc i suggest u avert your eyes now

Anon babes it was marvellous. David was so commanding?? he's built like a string bean but when he was up on stage he looked BIG and powerful. The character development was so nuanced, the descent into madness was manic and chaotic but eventually steady and calm - he literally snapped a little boys neck with his bare hands in the battle scene it was gruesome. I've seen one too many productions of Macbeth where its pretty much all pinned on Lady Macbeth being the brains behind the operation but it was very obvious from the start of this production that Macbeth had plenty of malicious thoughts and intentions of his own. He needed a little bit of convincing from LM but obviously your average person cannot be coerced into murder lol this man was out for blood from the START. Cush Jumbo was DIVINE and the perfect enabler, their chemistry was spicy and sensual and I loved it. They changed the script so that LM visits Lady MacDuff before the latter is murdered and its sooo good it makes Lady Macbeth so much more 3 dimensional rather than the usual evil witchy woman, it makes her human and Jumbo portrays her beautifully. It really was exciting for the production to be so intimate. The Donmar is a LOVELY black box theatre not many seats at all so you're very close to the action. This is my 5th time seeing DT on stage (prev. Much Ado About Nothing, Richard II, Don Juan in Soho & Good) and they've all been at big venues so it felt very different. The use of headphones was soooo good and it helped them keep the pace of the show (it was 1hr50 with no interval). Rather than dramatic asides like in the script the actors could whisper and it was RIGHT in your ear which made it feel very personal and dark like you were really in the character's heads. You never saw any of the visions (the dagger, the witches, banquo's ghost) which is how i always prefer it to be portrayed personally because you know... they're not actually there this man is just guilty AF and losing his grasp on reality!! But the sound effects they used in these moments were verrrry good and helped set the scene, lots of spooky music and sounds of screaming and whispering etc. And just generally through out the production you heard every. single. word. because of the headphones which was just delicious.

Final note because when u came into my inbox u were probably just expecting a simple 'yeah i really enjoyed it!!' and instead i've written a mini essay BUT in the battle scene at the end David really did win the award for most agile man in his 50s, he head-butt like 4 people and i was like...damn boy can u come over and fight me some time