#The boat really should have and I agree it’s tragic and that it’s hateful these events are not covered like celebrity drama is

[project-pleiades]

So… everyone who was up in arms about the migrant boat that sank not getting any news… you gonna stay and help advocate for better migrant rights in your own communities or was it just to cosplay morality online?

[possumsandprose]

Secret Santa

Hello @siriusleee! Surprise, I'm your fic author for the @acotargiftexchange!

I've loved our chats about Elriel, and I was SO excited to make this for you. What I've made will be a Theseus and Ariadne inspired AU with spy Azriel and princess Elain, with a few of my own creative additions added in.

This fic is multiple parts (originally supposed to be a one-shot, but I kinda lost control and it got super long before I even hit the halfway point), but it is largely prewritten.

Below is part one, full of all of the exposition, I hope you enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

Azriel stalked through the hallways swiftly, brushing past the servants who scuttled quickly out of his way, knowing better than to interrupt him in this mood. 

He threw open the door to General Cassian’s office without knocking, barely registering the loud bang of the wood hitting the wall, striding in and slamming down a small stack of papers on the desk.

“Dead. Again. Every single one of them. No mentions of how or why, just the same thing on every sheet: our kingdom is unendingly grateful for the service provided by some person’s name, however we are deeply saddened to inform you that, tragically, some person’s name has perished fighting,” Azriel said to Cassian, who looked tired but upon hearing this news straightened, frowning.

“That’s the 5th stack of letters we’ve gotten in 2 months. There is no possible way the king is going through the soldiers that fast if they’re placed in open combat. At least one of them should have survived, yet within 2 weeks we receive a letter saying they died ‘fighting’. I’m starting to suspect some foul play,” Cassian said, his eyes roving over the reports, each of them, like all their predecessors, containing a name and a simpering apology. 

“Agreed. But how would we stop it? Our army is nowhere near big enough to launch an attack on them, especially not with our soldiers thinning by the month due to these shipments,” Azriel responded, his brow furrowing in thought.

Cassian tapped his fingers on the desk. He had an idea, clearly, but given the way he was looking at Azriel it wasn’t something either of them would be too happy to enact.

“Just spit it out,” Azriel snapped wearily, “it can’t be any worse than shipping good soldiers off to their immediate death.”

“Well…” Cassian began, “I want to find out what’s really happening. If we can find out where all the soldiers are disappearing to, it will be much easier to make a final decision on how to handle this. For that, I’ll have to rely on an experienced soldier, not one of the fresh-faced younglings. And, more importantly, I need someone who is good at finding hidden information. If I’m right about there being more to this than meets the eye, then it will take more than a footsoldier to sniff it out. King Archeron won’t leave his plans just lying out in the open. With that said…”

He trailed off, clearly not wanting to finish that statement, but Azriel knew what he was getting at. 

“You want me to go with the next batch of soldiers and find out what’s happening.”

It was a statement of fact, not a question, and given Cassian’s lack of correction, Azriel knew he was right. Cassian merely looked up at him, his hazel eyes scanning Azriel’s face for any sign of fear or reluctance. He found none.

“I will go,” the spy of Illyria said, not a hint of any cowardice visible in his voice, “and I will find out what is happening. When is the next batch of soldiers to be sent?”

“Tomorrow morning, they leave at dawn,” Cassian said, and, though he tried to hide it, the relief in his voice was clear. Despite his harsh exterior, the general was a good man at heart, and he hated to see all these deaths; not only because of the loss of soldiers in his army but also because of the loss of life.

“Then I’ll be on the boat too. More than likely I won’t be able to send any letters once I’ve arrived, so you’ll have to wait until I get back for information.”

“How do you plan on returning? The boat carrying the soldiers will leave as soon as all have deboarded, and if I send a boat to come pick you up the king is sure to have questions. After tomorrow the next boat isn’t due to come into the port of Hybern for two weeks, and I doubt you’ll be able to keep your cover for that long if all the soldiers are not sent into combat, as I suspect.”

“I’m not entirely sure yet. That’s something I’ll have to worry about when I get there. More than likely I will be able to steal a small boat and row over to one of the neighbouring islands where I can catch a trade ship or something and return on it.”

“I don’t like that answer, but I don’t have a better solution. If you’re sure you’re up for this, then I bid you farewell. May the stars listen to your prayers,” Cassian said, saying the ancient blessing for good luck.

“And may your dreams be answered,” Azriel responded, completing the saying. “I am sure of this course. I have survived worse, and I will hopefully return within a week.”

Cassian nodded his assent, saying, “Alright then. Go rest up, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that, Azriel turned on his heel and walked out the door, striding to his chambers. He fell asleep surprisingly quickly, given what he was being asked to do, but his dreams were full of soldiers and faceless kings ordering him to be killed. Then the dream changed.

 In his mind, he saw a beautiful princess. He could not entirely make out her features, but he saw golden brown waves of hair framing her face, with doe brown eyes staring at him in concern.

He looked around, at his surroundings. The princess was in a beautifully elaborate room, decorated with the finest silks and most costly jewels. Clearly, no expense had been spared.

“Come and save me, my hero,” the princess called out from where she was sitting on the luxurious bed, piled high with goose-feather pillows and thick, warm blankets. It was then he noticed the thin golden chain. It was attached on one end to a small hook in the floor, on the other end it wrapped around her ankle.  The chain was so thin, it might have been used in a necklace, and he wondered why she hadn’t just pulled and snapped it. But then suddenly the princess stood and ran towards him. She reached the end of her chain, but it did not shatter, no matter how hard she strained.

“My hero,” she cried again, this time her voice laced with pain, “come and find me. Take me. Save me!” 

He reached out a hand to her but found he was just out of reach. His feet were rooted to the ground. 

When he awoke the next day, he remembered nothing of the girl, or her chain, or her pleas. He dressed himself in his soldier’s uniform and departed for the dock, calmly awaiting whatever the Fates had laid out in his path.

—--------------------

The boat ride passed uneventfully. Azriel had boarded the ship, a beautiful vessel that, judging by the looks, had been made only recently, and had kept tabs on the other soldiers being sent with him. All of them were young men in their late teens or twenties, soldiers with an eagerness to prove themselves mighty heroes in war.

As he stepped onto the island of Hybern, he took in his surroundings. Azriel had never been here before, though he had given careful study to the maps and reports given to him by the spies under his command.

Hybern was a beautiful city built upon a small island, and it was very different from the large cities he was accustomed to on the continent. Canals were built all along the city, leading to a place that had more paths for water than for people. A small boat he knew was called a ploion was docked nearby, and its function was to transport people down the rivers of the city. 

The architecture, however, was what truly blew him away. Since there were no real streets, all the buildings were stacked into apartments, which were painted in gorgeous, vibrant colours. Hues of red, orange, yellow, and blue covered everything in sight, from the boats to the houses to even some of the people.

Azriel had a moment of confusion. Why were so many people dressed up elaborately? Last he had known, the native Hybernians dressed rather simply for day-to-day affairs.

However, he had no more time to dwell on the scenery before he and the rest of the soldiers that were sent were herded together towards the docks, where several more ploia were waiting for them.

Soon then people appeared, Hybernians by the look of their face, and servants of the king by the style of their garments.  

One stepped onto each boat, the one in Azriel’s explained that he was the doulon in charge of escorting them to the king, and then looking after their needs until the soldiers left the palace to do the king’s bidding.

When Azriel questioned him about the people he had seen in the fancy dress, the man replied,

“They’re all dressed up for tonight’s ball, of course. It’s Princess Elain’s 22nd birthday, and in a generous gesture from the agathe arche, all of the people have been invited, including yourselves.”

This was news to Azriel. He was fully aware that the king had a daughter, though he had never bothered to learn her birthday, nor was he aware that there was a ball he was expected to attend. He reasoned, however, that he could use that to his advantage, as with everyone away celebrating, he could slip through the palace undetected.

Soon the ploia were steered into the waiting harbour, and Azriel and the other soldiers were marched inside by soldiers, with the doulon following closely behind. 

The corridors were full of twists and turns, but Azriel, ever the trained spy, memorized the path they walked, as well as rooms of note. He had a decent idea of the layout of the castle, but he didn’t know which room the king’s study was in, or, should that yield nothing of interest, where he might keep his important documents.

Just as he began to ponder how suspicious it would look if he asked questions about the castle’s rooms, their party suddenly came to a halt outside of a massive set of double doors, bigger than any Azriel had seen so far.

Four of the guards came forward and hauled the heavy wooden slabs open, and inside was the most breathtaking room any of the company had ever seen.

A/N: Thus concludes part 1, hope you loved it, and I'm hoping to post the next part within a few days (which will depend on how good my tech skills are with cueing as I won't have internet for a week starting Saturday), otherwise it will be posted right on the New Year. Also, if you want to know the process behind the special names, PLEASE feel free to drop into my ask box or the comments (they're based off a language I study and as @ladyartichokie, my wonderful beta reader (big shoutout to her for editing this), can confirm, I am a huge language nerd)

Merry Christmas again!

[brotherslayer]

Tbh I complately agree with yours and that anon's thoughts on lily but...i saw something contradictory. When athy is brought back to ruby palace after her first interaction with Claude, everyone including lily become terrified when they hear that Claude would love future interactions, maybe the other maids had been half scared and half overjoyed at receiving claude's attention but not lily, she looked so dumbfounded and kinda displeased. Also after her meeting with Claude in the throne room she and athy both are highly terrified and averse to the idea of Claude naming her crown princess and recognising his daughter, like when she hugs athy and says with a sad face something along the lines of "I know princess...i know how bad this is". These show that athy gaining claude's attention(forget about affection) was the last thing she wanted. She even gripped her chest along with Felix and athy in that comical strip when Claude decides to take her for a boat ride, like everything about her screams how unpleasant she feels about Claude and how much she wants to distance him from athy. Which is what confounds me about her relationship. Only reason I could get out of all this is that....lily..really didn't think this through. Like we see her past through felix's recollections and we see she hated much human interaction...like she seemed like an introvert and not trying to demonise introverts or smthg...i think she doesn'understand healthy social interactions, social development skills and building self-confidence...i think she doesn't do that thing, doesn't walk that road herself. She didn't know how to help a child develop and we see her struggles in the initial chapters...she wasn't prepared for the parenting job....she really didn't want to go the marriage, relationships and kids way judging from how averse she was towards suitors for herself and for athy. That woman is as bad as Claude and ana when it comes to forming relationships( forget about healthy or unhealthy ones...i doubt they could differentiate). Her reason for finding Diana alluring was the same as claude's- it's something she has never seen or felt or understood, that's why it's a breath of fresh air for her, so she is attracted. This she too....is attracted obsessively to diana like Claude...diana's behaviour...the way she manages to make them see something from an amazing viewpoint and all. Her reasons are exactly the same as claude's, her attraction the same, only that her relationship with diana remained platonic(don't know if I should be happy or sad since lily isn't very different from Claude if we leave out the violence so she would be as dense and dumb as him if they were lovers).

And that is precisely why I agree with that comment of yours where u said that even lily loves athy because of diana or through diana and that it isn't unconditional and that only manhwa diana's love was unconditional because novel one was immature. So lily isn't very different as a parent from Claude.

If Claude wasn't introduced to violence and didn't have that tragic past but still grew up in the palace, ig he would be the parent Lily is...not overtly harmful but toxic for the kid nonetheless, given that he cared and trusted a lot, he would have taught athy the same.

Remember Gallahan Lombardy from I'll Be The Matriarch Of this House, yeah that's the category I would put that claude in and that is the category lily is in...totally loving and all but utterly useless and doesn't understand why their kid needs to be made strong or at least worldly. Because they themselves aren't one, they're bookish(not a bad thing), dense, dumb, tries not to socialise at all, has little knowledge of the world, would ask their kid to play or read fairytales or scholarly articles which wont really come in that handy than allowing them to spend time with learning politics and business, would be upset if their kid becomes too wise and start accepting and dissecting the ways of the world. You know that type....good but dumb people who will meet their ends very soon and leave behind defenseless kids. These people will encourage their kids to spend absolutely all their time in indulging with their unrealistic fantasies and would choose to keeping their kids naive rather than confronting them with the cruel or sad realities of the world. They would be too unhappy or scared with actually preparing their kids to face the world.

Like the opposite of loving but tough, strict parents who are far sighted and their only goal would be to prepare their kid for the world, prepare them for a time when they themselves won't be there to shield them. So no matter how hard it is for them or their kid, they would make them deal with hardships, help make their kids independent and self-sufficient. Sadly athy didn't get that, she needed it the most in her situation. That kind of parenting cost her her life, just like firentia's did.

I've got to admit it has been a while since I read Lily's chapters. You are making some very good points. That Lily dislikes social interactions and it might have impacted LP Athy negatively. I didn’t think about this one.

Regarding Gallahan Lombardy: someone asked me once what kind of parent Claude would be had he not gone through a traumatic childhood and I think half-traumatized baby Claude would have developed into the direction of Gallahan but worse. He would hide his abilities intentionally from Ana out of fear it could anger him after seeing him lash out once. Claude would have grown up as a very sheltered child (is this the right word?), clueless about the outside world, anxious of interactions with strangers and always heavily dependant on Ana. Like I'm not trying to say Ana would take advantage of that out of evilness or smth but yeah I think he'd take advantage of that out of self-preservation, like he would have seen no problem to encourage this depency if this meant Claude stayed powerless and he could inherit the throne without much hassle.

This would result in Claude not understanding why Athy would need to socalize with people that aren't family. For most part of his life maids, knights and courtiers meant danger for him if he wasn't on good terms with their employer. He'd be a bit of a people-pleaser towards the people he cared about, overprotective of Athy and avoidant/ wary of strangers. Obviously this would rub off on Athy too. Claude would’ve raised Athy to care for Jennette. He would let her study alongside Jennette whatever she wanted, but if her potential became visible he'd panick a little and make feeble attempts to discourage her from her studies. Contrary to canon Claude whose way of survival was fight, this Claude's method would have been to lay low and not attract attention. He'd prefer Athy to be positively useless because this way she wouldn't pose a threat to anyone.

[diminuel]

you’re right about the cas-leaving-dean thing.

As a dean-kinnie, I think a lot of it comes down to how they interpret cas leaving. For Cas, it’s mostly “this sucks” and “I need space”.

For Dean, though, it’s the end of the world. It’s all of his fears and insecurities comes true. It’s a punishment.

I get upset when it’s the reverse (particularly when it’s either not Dean’s fault or not solely deans fault) tbh: when Cas leaves and Dean has to chase after him, and Cas is treated as 100% in the right. In these fics, Dean is never told what he was doing wrong to start with, it’s just assumed he should know. Even in the fics where dean is treated as right, he’s still usually not told why cas was acting that way.

It’s a miscommunication issue, tragically, as pretty much all deancas issues are :/

“I’m not leaving forever, but you hurt me and so I need space” would fix a major part of the issue

“When you leave, it feels like you’re punishing me for something I don’t understand” would probably do a lot too

Maybe those two sentences go the other way round, as cas is walking out the door, you know?

As would therapy. Gd deans so dumb. I love him. Poor Cas, learning to communicate emotions from Dean. Poor dean, learning to communicate from John fucking Winchester.

I need more fics where they go to therapy to learn how to talk to each other and listen… I’ve yet to read a bad therapy fic.

I always say that miscommunication is Dean and Cas' biggest enemy. Both don't know how to properly communicate and Cas is of course not human and he had Dean and Sam as his "teachers" on how to be human or how to do things the human way. And Sam and Dean are not well-adjusted human beings. (Sorry Sam for throwing you under the bus like that, but it's true.)

I think the Purgatory talk they had was pretty monumental for them because it illustrated the issue that's been going on with them for a long time: Dean hates when Cas leaves, Dean didn't stop Cas from leaving (or telling him to stay). Dean was able to explain and apologize and it melted Cas' anger away so easily. (But there were quite a few fans who said Dean shouldn’t have had to apologize because Cas was the one in the wrong and Dean’s anger was justified. Meh.)

I found it unfair that Dean was angry at Cas for leaving, when Dean was the reason Cas left. Cas didn’t want to leave Dean but found that Dean gave him no other choice (and didn’t want him around. The “you’re dead to me”, the blame and the statement that the one thing that always goes wrong is Cas definitely didn’t sound very welcoming.......)

I'm not even sure Dean interpreted Cas leaving back in S15 as this big fear of everyone leaving him coming true once again. I think Dean was too angry to feel sorry for himself in this situation. It might have been more of a "Cas has to stick it out now, he has to be in the same boat as us." (I’m now reminded of the S9 thing where Dean says he’s poison and is the one who gets people hurt or killed and Sam tells him that this is NOT the reason why Sam needs time apart. But as you said, people don’t explain what is really wrong. In this case Dean made a decision that hurt Sam and the consequence is that Sam needs time. It’s not because Dean is “poison” that can’t help but hurt others.)

I guess the ideal situation for Dean in the S15 break up would have been for Cas to stay around and take Dean’s anger or the silent treatment until Dean's anger was burnt out and he could move past it. But that wouldn't have been fair for Cas. I don't know if Dean realized that. (I mean... Cas was dealing with his own grief and neither Sam nor Dean gave that grief any space. They had just tried to lock up and then kill Jack, so......)

Emotions get all tangled up inside of Dean and the easiest (and safest) emotion to express is anger. And Cas is an idiot who tries to do things on his own in order not to burden Sam and Dean and that usually blows up in his face. *sighs*

I agree. Let them go to therapy!

[rkrq]

Genbaro is so tragic… even requited, it’s an inevitable tragedy. There’s no happiness to their ending, but it’s one of those ships that finds its charm in the moments in between, like respite boats passing in the dead of night.

P.S.: I got distracted and wrote more than warranted.

Anon, you pierced my heart with your last sentence. How poetic... çvç

And I agree...honestly I really love to think about the angst too, so if we want to look at it from that perspective, then yes, genbaro is the "inevitable tragedy", as you perfectly worded it.... even thinking of the moments of quiet puts a strain on your heart, knowing how it is fated to end...

Genshin was definitely a source of comfort for Barok at some point. And your beautiful line, "like respite boats passing in the dead of night" (seriously, are you a writer?), made me think of something....

I think that the relationship being hidden from everyone (even Klimt) would really add to the deepness of this reliance... taking your line literally (sorry), maybe they do actually meet (romantically) only at night, when everything else is silent, just to bask in each other's company (and passion👍) — it's just them and the dark sky... and no one to tell.

When there is no one around to remind them of it, Genshin is not married and does not have a son back in Japan; the crystal clear eyes he's sinking into are not ones of the younger brother of a dear friend; and Barok is not a member of a noble family with a notorious, successful older brother, who is working with the man before him; and certainly this attraction of theirs is not a stunt to each other's reputation (not Genshin's as much as Barok's [and consequently Klimt's]). Everything seems simpler, and there is only a sour note on the back of their tongues to remind them of the implications of what exactly they are doing; but it's small enough to be ignored during the time they are together.

Upon these precious moments that were only theirs, Barok secretly finds himself looking back, even after disaster striked. He feels guilty for still latching onto such memories, and doesn't understand why this single, thin thread that connects his heart to his brother's murderer, out of all people, is still not severed like all the others, completely burnt to ashes like it should have been.

But at the same time, how could he possibly forget? Love and hate are two faces of the same coin, most likely in his shock, he's just mixing up the two. Most likely, those are what he used to consider an important part of his happier times.

...still, the guilt eats away at him slowly.

And the night encounters also gives a certain gothic flair to the romance! Hahah.

The relationship maybe used to be a bit on-and-off too! Something like a classic "we should stop, out of respect for your brother" "then why do you keep seeking me out?"... they quit, only to then discover with each time, that they can't stay that far away from each other. Like magnets ....🧲🧲🧲

Sorry, this is super cheesy.

Ahh, the charm of the older man..?

If I think of how betrayed Barok must have felt — more betrayed than anyone else at this point, and in the worst possible way at that — I would imagine how unsure he would be to pursue new romantic avenues... if he even would; part of me wonders if he would just give it up, OR, in the contrary, he'd get involved in some not-so-healthy dynamics (looks at vorbaro?).

And it justifies even more the distrust towards others (and himself) he's been haunted by throughout his life (if we want to take the Barok-never-heals route — especially when putting Vortex x Barok in the picture, because that would be YET ANOTHER betrayal, another time he "let himself" be fooled and hurt. So many shocking reveals.... all in one trial. So many betrayals...... and when considering romantic involvement, maybe the wound runs even deeper, or better yet, it spreads to more areas of his life (friendship, family, and now LOVE too).

When he was younger he looked up to and trusted Genshin (and his brother), only to then... have all the rest happens.... he confides in Stronghart.... only to then... have all the rest happen, again, worse. His sense of security has been thoroughly shattered ! Each thing he found a temporary comfort in, revealed itself to be a trap ! This bad boy can fit so much trauma in his brain [slaps him in the face, Barok doll falls limp to the ground].

It would be interesting to explore any other Barok ship while including a past genbaro, I think.

Though, there is also to say that the open-wound and distrust element is part of his character no matter the scenario.

I'm not very good at interpretating characters, so I apologize if this sounds very OOC... and also I'm aware it's not the most original scenarios ever hahahah, but this was fun.

Thank you for making me explore the tragic aspect, anon! And thank you for sharing your thoughts!

I hope you enjoyed reading through my answer. If you want to add something, feel free to do so.

Have a wonderful day🥰

[roanofarcc]

I also hated that whole Nancy and Mike stuff. Like I think they were so interesting in their dynamic in the first season because I feel like you would except them to be close but they aren’t in season 1. Like their parents are oblivious and both of them really are just bitchy to each other at the beginning. They don’t know each other like they used to when they were younger and I feel like that was a good plot line. But then with the whole upside down stuff they still seem like they don’t know each other that well. Like I get that Nancy was dealing with the Barb stuff but the fact that it didn’t even seem like Nancy truly checked up on Mike fucking pissed me of. I don’t have a younger brother but I have a younger sister so I get the whole being the older sibling stuff. But yeah like they didn’t even really have any scenes until like the fucking end of season 2 which is so weird. And the times Nancy did talk about Mike was to Steve (which okay I feel like Steve should have interacted with the kids before and it should have happened because he was dating Nancy for almost a month).

And yeah the whole Nancy and Steve thing was a lot which is kinda also why I hate the love triangle especially in this show. They didn’t NEED to use a love triangle thing. Like everyone knew that Nancy and Steve wouldn’t last because of their problems. (Nancy associating Steve with barb’s death and Steve just trying to be normal). There was legit no need for Nancy to have ‘secret’ feeling for Jonathan to split Nancy and Steve up. They were never going to last (and I feel like that’s the beauty of them to me). Like you go back to the first few episodes and they look so happy together (I mean Steve still does look soo happy before the whole bullshit thing but you get what I mean). And it’s so sad to look at it and see how fucked their relationship was from the start. Even before Jonathan came into the picture: Steve and Nancy were just young people who wanted to be in love. Even though there are more complications with Nancy at the beginning (like how we talked that Nancy didn’t want people to know about the relationship) it still was hopeful and tragic. So you didn’t even need another relationship to break them up. It kinda just feels like a weak writing thing on their part to get jancy together.

Also yes with Lucas and Steve!! Honestly I really want to write their heart to heart (since I feel like the writers are totally going to ignore this potential) but I have too much stuff going on that I’ll probably doing it like spring break. (If I ever do it because this has been in my head for months and I have not even written yet so).

Also I totally agree with you on Nancy exposing the dirt on the lab for her to acknowledge that things can’t go back to normal!! I want to add more about that but like I don’t have my thoughts together enough for that lol. And yes with Steve stepping up now with that older sibling thing to the party. Like I feel like even though Mike and Will have Nancy and Jonathan: they still don’t know each other to a certain extent. Like we talked about Will and Jonathan growing apart so I can totally see Steve hanging out with Dustin and Will seeing this and kinda latching on in a way to Steve. Especially because I think it’s cannon that Jonathan had spent more time with Nancy when they got together. Idk about that tho so like I definitely could be wrong. But like Steve would just be around dustin and we know that Steve isn’t afraid of being a dork around them so Will would totally see that and kinda just like that in a way. Like I feel like he would be in the same boat as Mike with rolling his eyes at some things Steve does but overall I think Steve and Will have the potential to have an amazing friendship. Also this isn’t me trying to get rid of Jonathan or anything. I just think a friendship between Will and Steve would be so fun and interesting. Like I really want to write a thing where after everyone gets back at the Byers at the end of season 2 and they all wake up the next morning and Steve and Will are playing cards. Hopefully I’ll write this over spring break because i am overwhelmed with everything soo.

yeah I wish they'd develop Mike and Nancy's relationship but it doesn't seem like we're even going to get that this season since they're literally across the country from each other. there was just so much potential for them and it fell flat :/

I agree, I think they could have broke up their relationship that was so flawed by s2 without the addition of Jonathan, and then in s3 start to develop Jancy. like you said, they had their share of problems without Nancy's feelings for someone else. and it painted her out to be the bad guy because she was! (like I said I love Nancy's character but she is deeply flawed herself and that whole thing was so frustrating and unnecessary). I think they originally planed on killing Steve off in s1 but the Duffers like Joe and his portrayal of Steve so much that they kept him around (or something along those lines don't directly quote me on that lol). so I have a feeling that Jancy was always the "endgame" (I hate that term and it sounds so cheesy but you know what I mean). but since Steve was still around they needed to redeem him and if he was the one who broke up with Nancy, instead of the other way around, that really wouldn't make any sense because he was so clearly in love with her. so they may have just used the love triangle as a scapegoat for that whole thing. again, idk if any of that's true, but it would make sense. 

a Will and Steve friendship would be so cute and I need it lol! you said this in your other ask, but the fact that Steve sees the kids as his equals and doesn’t act like he’s above them just because he’s older. like, he want to protect them (and everyone for that matter) but he doesn’t act superior. like he treats them like friends and not just the kids he has to babysit (aside from when it come to keeping them safe/alive). but I could see that working with the Will and Steve dynamic. like I feel like Steve wouldn't treat Will as this breakable thing but just as another one of the kids, and Will would be really grateful for that. they’d have a dynamic different than Will and Jonathan, but not one that opposes the two older boys. 

if you do get around to writing those pics let me know! I’d love to read them <3

[hamliet]

I just realized I literally check your blog like once a day but i wasn’t following you? 😂 sorry about that!

But I am here with a question I can’t hold myself back from asking you😭

..Do you think Levi will survive the series?

BC REALLY AT THIS POINT IM A WRECK ABOUT IT. I can really see it going one of two ways:

1. Levi dies a tragically beautiful heroic death and is reunited with his comrades and gets to rest

2. Levi survives and lives on for his comrades, gets to appreciate the results of what they’ve all dedicated their hearts to (in the case of there being a relatively peaceful, if not ‘happy’ ending)

And the first option isn’t like? Horrible to me writing wise? But at the same time I HATE IT and I want him to survive and find a shred of happiness in this world. I just don’t like the idea of him going out like Erwin, and escaping the horrible world via death. It’s so dismal and meaningless to me for some reason. We already saw that. I want to see the message that you can find your own niche of happiness in a cruel world, that people can survive the most horrible trauma imaginable and still find love and light in the remainder of their life. I would LOVE to hear your opinion on this!

Keep up the awesome posts and thoughts as always 🥰 I love everything you write related to the LOV and Shiggy, my baby and comfort character, who I firmly agree will survive and have a good ending and well written redemption. I want to see him and deku (my other favorite) interacting more so bad! Hope you’re doing well!

Oh, no worries!!! 

Of the remaining characters other than Eren, Levi is the one I am most concerned about. 

The reasoning is that Erwin and Hange’s deaths paved the way for Armin to step up. Mikasa right now is likely to be the one who kills Eren; hence, something has to motivate her to do so. It could be after she and Annie save Armin and Armin asks her to. It could be something else. But it could also be Levi dying. At the same time, if it helps, I’m not sure how she would know, but who knows. Connie is right there with Annie and Mikasa, so it’s possible his death will somehow play this role. If he dies. If. 

I get what you mean. I want Levi to live. I really do. I’m just generally pessimistic about mentor characters since more often than not they do in fact die. I think other characters--Reiner, Mikasa, Armin, Annie, Gabi, Falco--surviving will send this message, as well as the Marlayan parents... but I would like Levi to survive as well. Let him live as Mikasa’s family. 

My consolation is that we have 3 chapters left and Eren’s death has to take up a lot of time. We still have Historia to cover too even if I’m counting on like, the bare minimum for that. Armin and Zeke need to reach Ymir. Isayama is good at good send-offs, so if he kills characters, it tends to be emotional and somewhat satisfying. So... I don’t think we have a ton of room for killing many characters. That said, I still will be surprised if the entire Avengers crew makes it out alive. I don’t think we need more than one or at the very most two or three though, and three would be like, if two of them didn’t have arcs. 

I really, really hope Levi makes it. He’s currently the one I’m most worried about because his death would make the most narrative sense... well, equal imo to Connie’s because Connie might still be a kid but he doesn’t have an arc (Pieck is in the same boat as Connie, but killing her has less to offer than killing Connie in that she hasn’t been in the manga from the beginning). 

I see little to be gained for the characters themselves or the others around them by killing Reiner (whose arc has been showing him he can live; he doesn’t have to sacrifice his life in an essential suicide), Jean (who has shown us from the beginning that people can change, aka Eren with better choices, and who loves Mikasa), Armin (who is also suicidal-sacrificial and self-loathing), or Annie (who has stopped prioritizing her own survival and should be rewarded for that, not killed) dying. Zeke’s death also offers very little but is more likely than the former four I mentioned. That said, Isayama could kill one of these characters but I’d probably call it unnecessary. 

Oh, and obviously I think the themes of the story would utterly collapse if Mikasa (the series’ main theme embodied) or Gabi (Eren with better choices) or Falco (the future) died. 

[teamsarawatshusband]

Word Of Honor - 1st watch insta thoughts - Episode 4

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

In case you haven't read my previous episode summaries, you should know that I now refer to alcoholic tanned tragic hero lord guy as Baby Xu (because he gave the name Zhou Xu), Wen Ke Xing is Smirky Xing, Ke Xing's female travelling companion is referred to as purple love of my life (because she rocks).

Alright let’s get started with Episode 4:

:O WHAT? Smirky Xing is qi-gong-balling nuts? Is he the red masked nut guy??? WTF? Is that why he said he's terrifying? Is that why he wasn't there at first during the fight in the dusty place? Waaaahhhh

Aww, he stilll wants Baby Xu and himself to be on first name basis. Giving horses as gifts. He's so determined.

Oooh the beggars caught up. And they openly state they're with 5 Lakes and want to bring the kid back to... some guy, I already forgot. Hmmm. The kid is instantly scared and hides behind Baby Xu. Baby Xu looks worried too. Nobody trusts 5 Lakes. Smirky Xing also doesn't trust them.

Wow, that's a lot of beggars.

Oh no, Smirky Xing insulted the talky beggar guy. And now they wanna fight.

Woahooooo, Baby Xu is pissy at Smirky Xing, but he trusts him to take care of the kid while he throws himself into the fight. Nice.

Less than 6 minutes in and we already have a million times more action than in the last episode. Thank you.

I see what smirky Xing meant when he called Baby Xu elegant. He is a VERY elegant fighter.

Offering nuts again, lol. Doesn't he know that the kid never wants to eat?

But jokes aside, the way Xing and the kid don't even go far but stay close enough to watch shows really well that smirky Xing is super confident in Baby Xu's fighting skills...

Oh no, they broke the alcohol jars, Baby Xu is gonna be so pissed.

And Smirky Xing is kind of an ass, teasing Baby Xu about his promise to keep an eye on the kid, while the beggar is chasing the kid around and Baby Xu is doing all the work.

Ahhh, it's cause he wants Baby Xu to admit that he needs him. Hehe, smart. Evil but clever.

:O The beggars got swords in their sticks! Cheaty little fuckers.

Baby Xu is fighting a bazillion beggars at once, no problem while the kid is almost caught.

Oh no, Baby Xu is mouthbleeding. That's never a good sign.

Oooooh, Smirky Xing notices and instantly steps in. No more teasing.

Oh how the turntables. Baby Xu and the kid flee, while Smirky Xing takes on the beggars. Nice. Sharing the workload. Like good husbands. Smirklord ftw!

Oh no, Baby Xu is worried about being a loser. And now he's doing the smelly meditation thing again. Awww :(

Meanwhile Smirky Xing has killed all the beggars, and it's not even shown on camera. Like... he probably did it with a determined look, some nut throwing and a snap of a finger or something. Impressive.

LOL, the purple love of my life comes on screen, looks around and has this, "Aww, dangit, he's on a killing spree again" look on her face. So this happens a lot, I gather.

She's concerned about the cleanup and the aesthetics, lol. My queen.

Whoa, what's that? Two tied up girls on a boat. And a jerk. I don't even know him but I know that much. Character introduction 101.

Oh wait, my purple love stops him. She knows him. He's one of the mountain ghost guys? And she knows him? There's a connection. That probably means that Smirky Xing really is nut guy. :O :O :O

She's striking a deal. And I didn't catch what she asked jerk guy to do in return for keeping him tying up girls a secret. But he leaves to do it.

Wow, Baby Xu knows how to cook. And offers the fish to the kid. And the kid ACTUALLY TAKES it. Impressive. I thought he hates food.

Ah, no, he spit it out. Okay. My worldview has been restored. And Baby Xu is not a good cook after all, lol.

My purple queen shows up and explains how to cook fish, lol. Yeah, they wish they had her cooking skills.

Oh, and baby Xu actually asks about Smirky Xing's whereabouts and looks longingly towards the boat where my queen points to.

Very lovely scenery, with Smirky Xing plaing the flute on the boat, and the two girls (who were previously tied up, I think, I still suck at recognizing faces) are enjoying his company, preparing drinks and listening.

Clearly Smirky Xing is playing just for Baby Xu. And then jumps off the boat with a flute twirl (clearly a Wei Wuxian fan, and who isn't?!) and then fly-jumps over the water to the beach and Baby Xu.

Heh, tempting Baby Xu with alcohol and good food, Smirky Xing is really trying everything.

LOL, you can't sit with the cool kids Smirky Xing.

But he never gives up and recites poetry again. Okay, now some story about historic white cloth. And a sword. Wait, is the "white cloth" the sword? Oh, and Smirky Xing is hinting that Baby Xu's sword is so bendy that it might be the legendary sword.

Always digging for info. Always noticing everything.

Oooh, Baby Xing compares their relationship to the fish he threw away, calls it "raw/unrequited". Nice pun. BUT, the fish wasn't raw, you literally discussed with the kid that is was cooked through, you little liar. I see what's going on there. Unrequited my ass. Smirklord setting sails.

Baby Xu explains that he doesn't know himself and couldn't care less about knowing Smirky Xing.

Smirky Xing is such a sweet talker. This whole "I hurt when you hurt" spiel... blergh.

He called him "My A-Xu" awww, cute. Also super invasive.

Some dark figure is playing headach inducing music. Huh? What is going on?

My purple queen and the kid are affected and Smirky Xing, stops them from running off by placing his hands on their backs. How? What?

Wait, Baby Xu plays the flute as well???

Everybody's a musician.

Oh, it's a music fight. The acoustic waves are hitting each other.

And the girls on the boats are jumping off, because they don't have Smirky Xing's hands holding them back.

Whooooooo, Baby Xu's flute sound lawnmowers the grass and the other musician down. Nice skills.

Oh, it's an assassination skill. The one that the dark figure used. :O A music assassin!!!

LOL, Baby Xu apologizes for getting Smirky Xing's flute dirty. Honey, he 100% won't mind your spit.

Why is the kid puking? He hasn't even eaten anything. Oh, he's lacking martial arts skills to defend against the attack, got it, got it.

Awwww, the one who dislikes you is the one who is really good to you. Of course you would live by that motto Smirky Xing, you lovesick boy.

Okay, the kid wants to learn martial arts now. Wants to be Baby Xu's disciple. And he's kind of agreeing, even though reluctantly, because he... doesn't wanna look good in front of Ke Xing?

Oh a camp of assassins. Pretty girl assassins. One of them is getting a leg massage. Nice. Being an assassin has perks, it seems. Ooh, and she gets touchy with some victim guy.

Did that guy just kill the several-times-stabbed victim by throwing a bone at his head? lol

Oh, the music assassin is one of this group, k, got it.

What? Smirky Ke Xing playing this special meditation song means he has a pure mind? I'm with Baby Xu, I would never have thought so. So, he's not nuts guy? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Dude, he does NOT look like of pure mind while playing that flute at all. It looks very... not pure. This looks like a mating ritual to me.

Wait, is he telling my purple queen to kill the two girls she saved? I'm so confused.

Aww, he LIKES Baby Xu. Not that it's a surprise. But he admitted it. Heh. And, once again, my purple queen gets it.

Aww, Smirky Xing plays for his boy all night long. And Baby Xu finally gets some rest. Nice.

And Smirky Xing finally gets to sit next to his crush after all.

But he doesn't get to hold his hand yet. I see how it is.

LOL, tough women can't resist clingy men, what? Is Smirky Xing ever talking about anybody other than himself and Baby Xu?

Ahaha, Smirky Xing is such a bad liar. But really good at making Baby Xu feel guilty. Yes, yes, you poor man driven off the boat, aching from all the flute playing, riiiight.

LOL, he ends up the coachman. Nice.

Oh no, the grandparents are fighting nice undies tree master guy and the mini Wangjis. Why can't they be friends?

Why are they all after that stupid glazed armor, this is so annoying.

Oh no, now pleated skirt soldier boss guy is joining in as well. Which side is he picking?

Okay he's fighting the grandparents, but is he on friendly terms with undies tree guy? Because I don't think so. But the mini Wangjis knew him and seemed to trust him. So confusing all of this...

Okay and there's another new guy. In green and gold with a tiny mustache. Is he the one they were supposed to bring the kid to? Ah yes, okay. Uncle Zhao.

Wait, the leader of the something something sect is chased. Who was that? Undies tree master? I need a name chart mind map or something. I should make one and add on to it as I go along.

Anyway, end of episode.

Okay this was interesting, what have I learned? Baby Xu can't get rid of Smirky Xing, no matter what. The kid wants to be his disciple. My purple queen is 100% a smirklord shipper. There's a bunch of assassins out there to hurt... I don't know, everybody, possibly. Everybody seems to want the glazed armor. Except for Baby Xu who just wants to be left alone, and Smirky Xing who just wants Baby Xu. I feel like I'm getting the hang of this. Except I STILL don't know how everybody is truly connected. And Smirky Xing might be nuts guy but also maybe not because he's pure, but I mean, who are you kidding?

Goals for future episodes: I should really actually make that character name chart mind map thing.

Also, we have officially reached the moment, where I wanna continue watching, even though I'm tired and have other stuff to do. I bet the point of no return strikes during the next episode. I can feel it coming.

[redbone135]

Fake Dating AU

(I’m posting this here for Swanfire week because it bothers me to have unfinished fics on my AO3 account. It’s the set-up for a fake dating AU that I’m fairly certain will never actually get written. Strap in, it’s a long post.)

“Wait in the car,” Rumple hissed as sheriff Humbert let go of Neal’s shoulder with a resigned shake of his head, disappearing into his back office and leaving the front desk clerk to deal with this mess. The recurring shenanigans of Neal Gold had become way below his pay-grade.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” Neal insisted with a pout.

“I said. Wait. In. The. Car!” His father managed to get out through gritted teeth.

“It wasn’t my fault!” Neal shouted, kicking at the front desk as he passed, causing a heap of papers to fall over onto the floor. 

“CAR!”

“FINE!”

“Can I see his emergency contact form,” Rumple asked with a grimace, “I’d like to add Milah Cassidy to it - that’s Cassidy with two Ss and an I. If you could give her a call first next time-”

“You know,” the front desk woman - who the Gold family was on quite intimate terms with at this point - began while eyeing her stack of toppled papers on the floor, “There’s a juvenile support group for young offenders. Their rehabilitation program is said to work wonders.”

“I’m not an ‘offender’!” they heard Neal shout from the front entryway of the county sheriff’s office before slamming the door behind him. 

Rumple shook his head. His son would never agree to that. And honestly, he knew where Neal got it from. He wouldn’t want to sit in a room with a bunch of other bad decision makers and share stories of his failure while people plied him with cliche platitudes, assuring him he was still, deep down, a good person. He waved the flier away politely.

“We don’t need that.”

She shrugged, “You know, you’re going to run out of bail money eventually, right?”

“Bail money only runs out when he does.”

They both cast a thoughtful glance back to the front window, Neal visibly sulking in the passenger seat of his dad’s car. He’d somehow managed to find a sharpie in the immaculately clean car and was adding to the permanent collection of his ‘artwork’ on the car’s dashboard.

The front desk clerk raised an eyebrow.

“Ok, fine, give me the flier,” Rumple sighed.

*

Rumple had been right, Neal did not want to go to the group meetings. In fact, he had been so vehemently opposed that he had threatened to pack his bags and run away, and that had been the end of that conversation. So they hadn’t talked about it, or his community service, or the fact that he hadn’t seemed to learn his lesson at all. In fact, his family had stayed suspiciously quiet about it up until the day they had decided to all go out for a family lunch at Granny’s diner and Belle’s minivan had pulled up to a stop in front of the little church advertised on the flier. And even though Neal begged them to talk about it then, they hadn’t had much in the way of a discussion as his little brother undid his seatbelt, and his stepsister pushed him out of the car, slamming the door behind him, while his father waved spitefully and Belle promised they’d be back to pick him up in an hour. 

And he had never planned on walking into that church, he’d hitchhike to his mom’s and it would serve them right, but just in that moment a woman had walked by with a box of doughnuts and they had smelled really, really good. So maybe he had time to grab a snack before he booked it to the relative freedom of the Cassidy-Jones houseboat. 

Yes, the plan had been simple. Get a free cup of coffee and doughnut, sneak out the back before anyone noticed, get to his mom’s, and then when stepdad started to irk him - probably around day three - he’d come back to his dad’s and they would have all been so worried about him there would be no more talk about him having to go to these stupid meetings. 

Flawless plan.

And then he saw her.

She was slouched over in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs, flanked on either side by two other girls that looked about as terrifying as Neal’s stepsister, picking at the loose threads in a hole in her leggings. She had thick, black-rimmed glasses that made her bright blue eyes look seductively large, and red lipstick that wasn’t her shade but definitely proved her point. 

And a homemade tattoo on her wrist. Intriguing. Neal had done enough homemade tattoos on his friends to recognize talent. His mind began to swim with daydreams of the two of them, stretched out across his bed with a bottle of India ink between them as he added intricate details to the daisy, transforming it into a work of art befitting the masterpiece of a canvas it had been painted on.

New plan.

So he stayed for the meeting, taking carefully timed sips of coffee so that he wouldn’t have to share anything with the group. She didn’t share either, he noticed. Perfect. She also didn’t want to be here.

So he waited for her by the snack table afterwards, watching her put extra doughnuts wrapped in napkins into her purse - like anyone would have cared if she’d just taken the whole box. 

“Neal Cassidy,” he said, extending his hand and startling her into jumping and dropping the doughnut she was holding.

She glared. “You don’t need to know my name.”

“I like your tattoo,” he offered, turning to follow her as she walked away toward the front door. “I have one myself, want to see it?”

“Not if it involves you taking off any articles of clothing,” she said, offering him a smug grin.

“Maybe later then,” he said, speeding up his pace to step in front of her and stop cold, blocking the only door, much to her obvious annoyance. “So, why are you here?”

“Stole a car.”

“Wow! Same, we’re twins!” he exclaimed with a grin, and he thought if he wasn’t mistaken he saw the tiniest hint of a grin on her face. “So why’d you do it?”

“Why did you?” she shot back a little too aggressively.

“My mommy didn’t love me enough,” he laughed, “It’s this whole tragic backstory thing, if only I’d had someone to be proud of me, maybe then I wouldn’t be living this life of petty juvenile crime. I was just one caring parent away from being a scholar and a gentleman. You?”

She definitely chuckled at that, her shoulders letting go of some of the tension as she placed a hand on her hips and shot back with equal glibness, “No excuse. I just enjoy pure, mindless vandalism.”

That was kinda hot.

“Really?” he asked, “No tragic backstory? No evil step mom, followed by one who is way too young for your dad? No little half-sibling that gets all the attention and an aggressive step sister who is just staying with you until her mom gets out of jail? No creepy step dad who hits on your friends and takes money out of your wallet when you’re not looking?”

“Nope. My parents are perfect.”

And the way she said the word perfect told Neal everything he needed to know about her family. There was her reason, beyond enjoying the random chaos of destruction, the slight inflection on the word perfect was her reason. And so Neal adjusted his plan slightly.

“Oh, wow. Well you want any of those things? You can have mine, I wouldn't mind sharing.”

“I think I’ll pass, thanks,” she laughed, pushing him lightly out of the way to walk to the church parking lot where a lot of the other teens were climbing into family cars. Of course his family wasn’t here yet. 

“Listen, Anna,” he said, “I know you don’t want to be here. Neither do I. What if there was a way we could help each other with that?”

“It’s Emma,” she corrected before realizing the trap she had fallen into. “And if you’re suggesting some sort of murder-suicide pact then you should know I’m already pretty close to murdering the creepy stalker who just tricked me into giving him my name.”

He grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets as he waited for her to finish surveying the parking lot. Her parents weren’t here, either. What a shame.

“Listen, you need someone to help you convince your parents you’re rehabilitated. It’s not a question. With your attitude, they aren’t gonna buy it without some outside assurance. I’d be excellent at that. What says ‘walking the straight and narrow’ better than a polite boyfriend who also happens to be really good and drawing up fake reports cards and providing alibis. I swear, I’ll have you out of this thing in under a month.”

She turned to look at him skeptically, “You think you can charm my parents? My mom literally calls my dad Prince Charming and you think you can charm them?”

“I know I can.”

She mulled it over, not seeming to hate the idea as he had anticipated. 

“And in exchange? I’m what? The sweet girl next door in a floral sundress who promises your parents she’ll take you to church and make you normal again?”

“Nah. Dad’s on his third wife and mom lives on a boat. They have no idea what normal even looks like. No, I want you to convince them this whole group thing is hurting more than it’s helping. And you look like exactly the kind of girl who can scare the daylights out of my dad. Tell me, how good are you at faking a pregnancy scare?”

“Who’s faking?” she laughed, rubbing her stomach sarcastically.

“Perfect!” he ginned, pulling a pen out of his bag and scribbling his number on a napkin for her. “I’ll pick you up at six tomorrow - wouldn’t want to have you out past dark. Oh, and one more thing, when you finally do meet my dad, I need you to mention how cute it is that he and my stepmom have matching British accents. That will make more sense when you meet them.”

“Goodbye, fake boyfriend!” she waved, as a rusty blue pick-up pulled into the parking lot, jogging over to climb into the cab.

Neal waited another thirty minutes for his family to arrive.

“How was your meeting?” Belle asked over her shoulder as Neal shoved Regina out of the way to get to the back seat. 

“Start any fights yet?” Regina asked, reaching into the back to punch him in the knee, “Light any fires? Get anyone pregnant?”

“Regina!” Belle scolded, “Don’t talk to your brother like that.”

“Step brother!” She and Neal chimed as one.

“And in the spirit of fairness, dearie,” Rumple mumbled from the passenger seat, “Those are all very good questions.”

Neal hoped Emma was as great as acting as he was. Because if his family thought he was trouble now, it was about to get a lot worse.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Kissing Dead Pearls (Part 14)

Her eyes had been so wide with wonder and amazement. Nothing compared to the galaxy’s glimmering spray reflected upon the open ocean. With no city lights to dim them and no bustling tourist noise to break the quiet--no rushing cars with loud basses nor honking horns and loud chatter--Azula felt like she was in space.

The water was so crystalline, so pure. The water met the sky on the horizon giving her the illusion that she was floating in a sea of stars, drifting through the cosmos in a rocketship  rather than the ocean in a small sailboat.

“Dad look!” She exclaimed.

“At what?” He asked.

She didn’t know. She just started pointing everywhere, at everything. “Just look daddy!”

Her mother chuckled as she brushed the hair out of a snoring Zuko’s face. Ozai’s lips quirked into an amused half smile.

“Can we go to space, daddy?”

“Why would you want to go to space when you have stars right here?” He gestures to the shimmering world around her.

That was the first time she’d seen phosphorescent fish and plankton. She leaned over the boat’s railing. Ozai quickly came to hold her steady as she dipped her curious fingers into the water.

“Don’t do that, dear. There are sharks in the water.” Ursa cautioned.

But she didn’t see any sharks so she continued trying to catch one of the fish. She only managed to come up with a handful of plankton. She waited until Ursa was asleep to paint a bioluminescent mural upon her brother’s face.

That was her first experience with a boat and an open ocean. That was her first adventure.

.oOo.

Ozai comes home on his birthday, that is probably a gift enough for him but Azula bough him a gift anyhow and pestered Zuko and Katara help her make a cake.

“He doesn’t deserve one.” Zuko had grumbled the whole time.

Azula is inclined to agree, but she has it on the table for him no less. Perhaps he won’t be so angry with her if she does something to make his birthday special.

She sits herself on the couch and waits for the man to come home. Jet plops himself down next to her and drapes his arm over her shoulder. A half an hour goes by and she spends it by leaning her head into his chest and trying to convince herself that it is okay. That she is allowed to love Jet. That she is allowed to have love. That, should she find Sokka, he would understand.  She lets Jet rub circles on her back.

“I’m sure he isn’t angry with you, he’s just going through stuff.” Jet assures.

She lets him think that, that is the source of her unease. It is easier to explain. “I hope that you’re right.” She mumbles. He squeezes her a little tighter.

“How can he stay mad when you made him a whole cake?”

.oOo.

To be frank, Zuko never liked Jet. He never hated the boy, but there was something about him… Maybe it is that he is one of those pretty boys. That is probably it. Zuko never liked the type. Jet is nice enough but he thinks that he is such hot shit. Really the boy is no different than anyone else their age. He has a car. So what? He’s a smooth talker. Great for him. He’s got a good sense of fashion and can do sports. That’s fantastic. Zuko thinks that a person should have more substance than charming looks, material things, and a handful of talents.

He looks to his sister. She’s a pretty girl, she has to be if so many of the boys and a handful of girls flock to her. She’s got talents upon talents and as far as everyone knows, she still has riches. But that’s just the thing, she has more than that; she’s fun to be around, bold and adventurous. Annoying as hell, rather judgmental, and with a pretty solid mean streak. But she means well and she’s mostly a kind girl. At the very least she is able to keep certain comments to herself.

Jet is just a pretty face. He isn’t like Sokka. Sokka who was a complete and unapologetic dork. Sokka who was hilarious, fun, and always had something exaggerated tall tale to tell. He’s spontaneous and rather disorganized. He is energetic. He was all of those things, Zuko reminds himself.

Sokka is nearly her opposite of Azula in everything save for intellect. For as idiotic as he acted sometimes, the boy had brains. This is probably what had drawn Azula to him. Jet is so similar to her, right down to lost parents. That is why Sokka fit her so much better.

He observes the pair cozied up on the couch and his heart seizes. He never thought himself the type to play the protective brother but seeing Jet with his arms around his sister is...something doesn’t sit right. And maybe it is only because he is used to seeing her with Sokka. Maybe it is just that he isn’t used to it. Jet hasn’t done anything bad to her. In fact, he has been supportive. Supportive and much sweeter that Zuko anticipated. Still, he can’t shake the feeling that the boy isn’t right for his sister. He doesn’t say it, partly because he knows Azula. He knows that she is a creature of spite and will stick her tongue right down Jet’s in front of him if he does. She has been waiting for a chance to pay him back for the one time, in middle school, that he had made out with Mai while she was trying to do homework.

But mostly he doesn’t say anything because it is probably good for Azula to begin to move on. Having her cling to Sokka so furiously that she’d be willing to waste her college fun on some fruitless rescue mission...it isn’t healthy. He looks back at the sofa, at Azula who has turned to face Jet and slip her arms around him. This is healthy. This is one step closer to moving on.

“She’ll be fine.” Katara says. “I know that you don’t like him much but he’s not bad.”

“Then why did you break up with him?”

Katara shrugs. “Promise that you won’t laugh?”

“I promise.”

“He said that he didn’t like turtles.”

“What kind of person doesn’t like turtles!?” Zuko says a little too loudly.

“Have you ever been attacked by a family of snappers?” Jet calls from the couch. “I can show you the scars.”

“That’s how you got those?” Azula asks, trailing her fingers over his right hand and arm.  

“Yup.”

“Not all turtles are like that, Jet!” Zuko tries.

The boy chuckles, “I’m not taking any chances. You wanna go poke around in a snapping turtle nest, be my guest. I’ll be on the other side of the beach.”

Azula snickers and mutters something about protecting him from feral shelled beasts.

“That’s his tragic backstory.” Katara jokes. “Anyways, we just didn’t have much in common, I guess. Pretty cliche, right?”

“A little.” Zuko laughs.

“My point is, he’s a pretty good guy. He’s not much different than the other boys in our school.”

“That’s the problem I think. Sokka was...he was different. And Azula’s different.”

This time Katara laughs. “Yeah I don’t think I’ve met anyone like her before. I haven’t met anyone like you either. Your family is just weird.”

“We live in a lighthouse, what did you expect?” They both chuckle at this.

“That’s why we’re so smart.” Azula calls from the couch.

Zuko tilts his head in confusion.

“Because lighthouses are bright.” Azula explains. “We’re smart because we live in a lighthouse and lighthouses are bright and bright is another word for…”

“Is it rude to break up with someone over an awful joke?” Jet grumbles.

“If I could handle Sokka’s for as long as I did, you can handle mine.”

“Sokka would have loved that joke.” Zuko remarks.

“Sokka would have made that joke.” Katara replies.

The new silence between them is tense. Katara squeezes his hand. “Why do so many things have to remind me of him?”

“Because he’s your brother.” Zuko replies. Again he finds himself peering at Azula, now sitting and swatting Jet with a nearby stack of papers. She is probably the larges pain in the ass he has ever had to live with. But he couldn’t imagine how hollow it would feel to lose her. He thinks of the day that they’d found her, broken and gashed up after being thrown against rocks. He wonders if it had hurt, if she ever thinks about it. She never talks about it. He thinks of her climbing onto the arbor to untangle patio lights. He wouldn’t have been able to handle it if she’d fallen. “You never forget someone who you were that close to.” He hadn’t known Sokka nearly as well as Katara did and it still puts an unpleasant tingle in his belly when he comes across something that triggers the memory.

It is a hollow sort of longing that puts a flutter in his stomach a flutter that reaches his throat and has tears threatening to form. It is a somber yearning as he enters the room he’d last talked with Sokka in, as he visualizes Sokka as he’d last seen him. As he tries to latch onto that memory and make a physical manifestation of it. At the very least he tries to cling to it so that it doesn’t slip. It like being in a room with a phantom. Memories are ghosts.

“You can’t forget.” He repeats. “I don’t think that you want to either. I don’t. Azula doesn’t.”

He hears Katara swallow, but before they can get any further, Ozai opens the door. The man looks as hollow as Katara probably feels when thinking about Sokka. Mostly he is put together, clean shaven--for once--and with his hair neatly styled. But his clothing is wrinkled, his cheeks are sunken, and he has bags under his eyes.

“What’s this?” Ozai grumbles. “I told you that I was coming home from the hospital and you bring guests over?”

Zuko catches Azula visibly swallow and goes tense. Just like that he recalls that their father doesn’t know about Jet yet. Jet who tightens his grip protectively around Azula. And just like that, Zuko’s opinion of him changes rather drastically.

Azula pulls out of his grip.

“Tell them to go home.” Ozai says simply.

“Tell them to go home!?” Zuko gets to his feet. “We did this for--”

Azula holds up a hand. He can tell that her optimism is fading fast. “I thought that it would be a nice surprise to…” she gestures to the cake. “I can’t cook so I asked Katara to help.”

“And him?” Ozai nods to Jet.

She shifts uncomfortably.

Zuko’s stomach nearly gives when Jet opens his mouth. “I’m Jet, I’m on Azula’s surf team, remember?”

“I recall.” Ozai answers stiffly. “But that doesn’t tell me what you are doing here.”

Jets simply slips his arm around Azula’s waist and tugs her closer.

“I want them out, Azula.”

“But, I…”

“Out.” He commands more firmly.

Azula bunches her fists. Zuko knows what she is going to do before Ozai does. He praises her for her wit but, lord he wishes that she wouldn’t.

“Fine.”

.oOo.

The lighthouse door slams. It takes a moment for that Jet boy to react but he hastily follows her out.

Ozai sighs. It is long and drawn, he rubs a hand over his face, feeling thoroughly drained. He looks from the doorway to the birthday cake on the table. It is a nice sentiment, but he is not in a festive mood. She means well, they all mean well, but it might be too soon.

“We made all of this to cheer you up and you make us feel like shit!” Zuko accuses. Zuko seldom raises his voice at him. Much less cusses at him. “You make Azula feel…”

Ozai tries to tune his son out.

“She thinks that you hate her!” Zuko scowls. “You know that right? She was trying to give you a good birthday because she knows that you’re having a hard time.”

Katara links her arm around Zuko and clutches him tightly. Ozai wonders if he is frightening her. He must be. “Zuko, I am your father you will not speak to--”

“No. You aren’t.” Zuko hisses. “Azula and I lost both of our parents that night.”  He turns to his girlfriend. “Come on, lets go find Azula and Jet.”

Katara nods, “I’m worried about her, Zuko.”

Somehow the girl’s comment unsettled him more deeply than anything Zuko had said. With a second slam he is alone in the lighthouse. He finds a seat at the table in front of his birthday cake. There is no one left to eat it with.

Also in front of him is a handmade card. ‘Welcome home, congratulations, and happy birthday, father.’ She hadn’t left anything out and that was only the cover page. He is home, but his birthday isn’t happy and he doesn’t feel like there is anything worth congratulating. It is his own fault.

He’d just gotten clean and he is already ready for his next drink. He opens the fridge and curses Azula for her forethought. She’d gotten rid of all of it. He supposes that he has ingrained tough love into her.

He should probably give her space, let her run off to Katara’s house or Jet’s. But he thinks that this time, if he allows the problem to fester, he will lose her. He will lose both of his children.

He rakes his fingers through his hairline and heads for the door. He reaches it and hesitates. He sits back at the table.

[thelastranger]

AU where Ferris and Halt actually get along

This au was inspired by the lovely people on the discord, @rangerpippin and @smug-albatross.

Basically, Ferris and Halt talk things out and Ferris doesn't try to murder his brother for the throne.

When Halt was seven years old, it was the first time he expressed that he didn’t want to become the king of Hibernia. His parents laughed it off and told him that he was just being silly, that of course he wants to be the king. Who wouldn’t want to be the king? Halt’s brother just narrowed his eyes and took note of what his twin brother had said. Over the years, as he and his brother grew up together, Ferris grew resolute in his belief that he should be king and not Halt. Halt didn’t enjoy learning the ins and outs of court. He didn’t enjoy pouring over papers containing agricultural policies for the incoming year. If Ferris was being honest, Halt didn’t seem to enjoy much of anything about the royal life. In a different universe, this idea in Ferris would fester and grow wicked. Ferris and his brother would grow apart over the years, with Ferris almost committing one of the most grave sins, fratricide, which resulted in Halt never becoming king and leaving. Ferris would become king, but wouldn’t see his brother for decades after, right before Ferris’ death. However, in this universe, Ferris talks to his brother about his feelings instead of letting them consume him.

    At age 13, after 6 years of staying relatively silent about his fate, Halt complains to Ferris that he doesn’t want the throne and that if he could give Ferris the throne, he would. This moment is what changes everything. The seed of an idea is planted in both of their minds that won’t bloom until years later. Instead of simply seeing himself as the best candidate for the throne, Ferris sees how miserable Halt would be on the throne and Ferris feels sympathy for his older brother. Halt doesn’t know how he has changed his life by uttering that sentence.

    After 3 years of trying to fight their parents on the issue of succession, Ferris and Halt sit down together in their room and talk things out fully for the first time in their lives. Halt is the eldest twin, but wants nothing to do with the throne. Ferris is second in line and, honestly, is the better choice for the throne at this point. Ferris is ambitious, but he does care for his country deeply and actually enjoys court politics. Halt loves Hibernia but knows he can do so much more outside of the life of royalty. Also, Halt cannot stand to willingly be around stuffy nobles even if his life depended on it. He had threatened to throw several members of nobility, including himself on one memorable occasion, in the moat.

Halt tells Ferris about all of his misgivings and Ferris remembers Halt’s genuine offer when they were thirteen. Ferris asks Halt if he really meant what he said when he offered Ferris the throne and Halt says yes. At this point, the brothers remember that they are, indeed, identical twins. They come up with the exact same idea at the exact same time. Halt can’t actually give Ferris his spot on the throne, but Halt can give the throne to Ferris. They’ll switch places. They are identical after all, so there’s no chance that someone will figure out that they switched places. Then they realize that they are identical but they have massively different personalities. Halt tends to be more morose about his duties, while Ferris was more enthusiastic and a people person. Their parents would notice for sure if “Halt” suddenly started to embrace his kingly duties and if “Ferris” stopped trying to actively throw himself into Hibernian politics. This puts a damper on their enthusiasm until their younger sister, Caitlyn pops up from under their bed, listening into their heart to heart.

“Just pretend to have a fight where Ferris is really sad that he doesn’t get to be king and Halt, just pretend to have a reluctant change of heart and slowly get more enthusiastic about it. After, like, two weeks, you two can switch and no one will ever know.”

Ferris and Halt looked at each other. This was the best idea they had ever heard. They weren’t even mad that Caitlyn had been eavesdropping in on their conversation. She had just solved all of their problems.

“Wait, so I wouldn’t be the king legally?” asked Ferris. Caitlyn and Halt rolled their eyes.

“Ferris, you just came up with a plan that will allow you and Halt to fulfill your life long dreams and you’re questioning it? Plus, you and Halt have never cared about whether things have been legal or not.” She wasn’t wrong. Halt and Ferris had been the terror of several castle workers, from whom they kept stealing sweets and hiding priceless heirlooms in unfindable places when they were younger. Now, breaking the law really would benefit them.

The rest of the night was spent going over the plan and the minute details. Caitlyn had started to yawn around midnight and headed back to her room, but Halt and Ferris just kept talking through until dawn about the plan and everything else in their lives. They hadn’t talked like brothers in years and while Halt hadn’t said what he was going to do once he was “Ferris”, Ferris had a sneaking suspicion that he wouldn’t see Halt for a long time. The brothers agreed to start their plan tomorrow and to ease their way into each other’s personality.

The next morning, Halt actually said good morning to their parents. He noticed that the King gave the Queen a surprised glance, but did not say anything. Ferris slid onto the bench without a word and gave short answers to every question he was asked. The rest of the week progressed easily. Halt and Ferris faked an argument where Halt “realized” the importance of his duties and decided to accept his fate which made Ferris upset that he would never get the throne. Halt paid more attention in his classes and Ferris tried his best to replicate Halt’s ability and love for the bow and arrow while avoiding as many people as he possibly could. The King and Queen were overjoyed that Halt was finally paying attention to his lessons and vowed to talk to Ferris later to ease the pain of not being king.

The next week, Halt and Ferris made the switch. Caitlyn helped as much as she could, distracting their parents and the staff away from Halt and Ferris. It was a good thing that she did because while Halt and Ferris were identical twins and knew each other very well, there were still little mistakes. Halt grabbed his favorite breakfast that Ferris happened to hate one morning and a kitchen worker gave him an odd look. Ferris accidently put on his armor instead of Halt’s and had to fend off questions about it all during training. Slowly, the mistakes became less common and soon no one could have told that the princes had almost been exactly the opposite of their personalities half a year ago.

8 months after their switch, Halt approached Ferris and told his brother that “Ferris” needed to die. Ferris was shocked but Halt explained everything. He had met a fabled ranger from Araluen who was willing to train him, but didn’t know who exactly Halt was, and Halt felt like that was where he was supposed to go. Plus, Halt explained, with “Ferris” gone, there would be less chance of people finding out that Ferris was “Halt”. It made sense, in a sad way. So the brothers (and Caitlyn, they couldn’t leave her out of this final scheme) sat down for one last time and planned the last part of their big deception.

It was a cold, misty morning when Halt and Ferris walked down to the riverbed. Halt had already said his goodbye to Caitlyn in private. It was just Ferris and Halt left. They got onto the boat together, making sure someone saw the two of them sail off. Only one of them would come back.

A ways down the river, Ferris took his hand off the ropes and turned to face Halt. Halt stared back, looking deep into his soul. The brothers had nothing left to say to each other, but they knew everything had already been said. Halt pulled Ferris into a hug, surprising his brother. They hugged and smiled, bittersweet, at each other. After the embrace stopped, Halt dove into the icy water and waded to the riverbank to start his new life. Ferris tossed Halt’s pack to him on the mossy bank. As he picked it up, Ferris thought about the diplomatic papers that gave Halt diplomatic immunity from the kingdom of Hibernia. They had agreed that Halt could keep his name if he was in a different country than Ferris. Halt had given Ferris the chance to follow his dreams and now Ferris would be able to repay his brother.

The three siblings stayed in touch over the years, writing letters in code and meeting in small towns occasionally when King Halt went on a trip and Halt could sneak away from the Corps for a few days. Once Halt got an apprentice, the visits became non-existent but the letters only increased.

No one ever found out their secret. The only person who ever came close was Morgarath. Halt was, generously put, an unusual name in Hibernia and the rest of the world. So when Morgarath met Halt and learned that his name was Halt and he was indeed Hibernian, something clicked in Morgarath’s brain. He knew there was a connection between this mysterious ranger from Hibernia named Halt and the prince of Hibernia, also named Halt, he just didn’t know how they were connected. Morgarath became very busy quickly after that meeting and never really pursued the connection between the two men. If he did, he would have heard about the tragic and slightly suspicious death of Prince Ferris of Hibernia and how his older brother was with him when he died in a boating accident.  

Halt, in this universe, is almost exactly the same except for a few key differences. This Halt knows that people in power can be terrible, but he also knows that people can be given chances. He knows that he has a family who loves him back home, and because of this knowledge, Halt opens up to people more. He’s still suspicious, still hates talking to people, and grumpy, but he isn’t alone.

Ferris, in this universe, is a good king. The love of his brother allowed him to keep a clear head and his sister was always by his side, ready to keep him on track when he faltered. His ambition serves him well and the kingdom of Clonmel prospers for several years until there are several years of bad crops that were completely unpredictable. A fellow named Tennyson starts causing trouble in Hibernia and Halt volunteers to be the ranger to go and stop him, along with the help of Will and Horace. Tennyson is trying to blackmail King Halt with the suspicious death of Prince Ferris and Ferris thinks that it is best to call Halt in and take care of things.

Halt doesn’t find it necessary to tell everyone that his brother is the king of Hibernia that is having trouble. King Duncan kind of knows because Araluen and Hibernia had diplomatic meetings several years back and while Halt was able to wriggle his way out of being in the country for those meetings, Duncan still figured that something was up. Ferris had shaved his beard just for that meeting to throw everyone off but Pauline, Crowley, and Duncan knew something was up. The king just looked too much like Halt to be coincidence. They confront Halt, thinking that he is the long thought dead Prince Ferris and that King Halt had tried to kill him and Halt took his name out of spite, which is a very Halt thing to do. Halt can honestly tell them that he is not Prince Ferris. They then ask why he looks exactly like King Halt and he just repeats that he is not Prince Ferris. Pauline realizes it a second before Duncan and Crowley do. They all go crazy. They cannot believe that Halt is the real king of Hibernia and that he and his twin brother have been pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes for literal decades. Pauline can’t believe that Halt kept his name. He’s like “It would have been suspicious if a mysterious Hibernian named Ferris showed up at the same time the Hibernian prince died. It’s less suspicious if I was named Halt. Also, Halt is a much cooler name.” Duncan is losing his mind in the background, because, no it’s not less suspicious to have the exact same name as the Hibernian king who had a long lost twin brother who died around the same time you appeared. Crowley is just thanking his lucky stars that Morgarath never found out that Halt was the twin brother to the Hibernian king.

Will and Horace do not know however, and once they get to Hibernia, are very alarmed at Halt acting even more suspicious than usual. His hood is pulled way down on his face and his face is dirtier than usual. When they get to the castle, Will is expecting to have to pull out his ranger papers and present them to the guards but Halt just mutters a phrase to the guards and the trio is let into the castle without a word and led into secret room adjoining the throne room. Will and Horace are super confused and apprehensive, especially when the king of clonmel throws open the door, striding up to Halt with a frown on his face. Halt and the king, who looks exactly like Halt, stare each other down for a few seconds before both break down into smiles and laughter while hugging each other. Will and Horace are doubly confused. A few seconds later, a woman comes barreling through the doors and tackles Halt in a hug. The king joins the two of them and Will and Horace are freaking out in the background. The hugging stops and Halt explains the situation but really badly so Will and Horace only have the barest idea of why this is happening. Halt still has to disguise himself as Ferris and the siblings find it darkly hilarious that Halt has to pretend to be himself. Halt’s beard is still cut with a saxe knife but since Ferris doesn’t feel so much like a fraud in this universe, Halt does not have to rub soot in his hair. Sean is introduced to his uncle Halt for the first time that he can remember. Halt and Sean walk out of the cloak room and Sean is almost crying, he is so overwhelmed. Actually, everyone is crying.

[letbarbieshavedragons]

What's up with the Rheagar hate in general? I never got that. Rhaegar seems to be hated across the fandoms?! Hats off for accomplished THAT Grrm, never have seen something like that😂. But no seriously, why? Like sure, prophecy-driven, reckless running of with a pregnant teenager, leaving his wife&children, starting a war etc... its shit, but i have seen way worse. WE ALL HAVE, i mean look at Tywin, Caster, the Mountain, Euron (and thats are only the fuckers in the same story!!)

And that while the worst villians ever have apologists, because they have a sad backstory?! Wouldn't Rhaegar fit in perfectly in that? Him being emo, beautiful, loner, having a abusive father, making one mistake after anothery even tho he should have known better etc. Don't get me wrong, i feel indifference towards him, like to ALL pre-asoiaf. Since i dont get how you can stan or hate a 'character' where we only have like 5 lines about?! But how?

I’m assuming these are the same asks lol, since they seem to flow together, but sorry if it’s a coincidence and I just happened to get three asks about Rhaegar in a row lol

Also sorry in advance for the long reply, this topic has always made me curious as well lol

Anyhoo, I agree. it definitely surprised me as well how strongly some people feel about Rhaegar. and I say that as someone who doesnt really like Rhaegar all that much either . Tho, I’m in the same boat. I can’t say I hate him, when I really don’t know/haven’t seen enough of him for me to form any strong emotional connection to him. The show pretty much glossed over him so no insights there and the books still have a lot of explaining to do on that front. Although, That being said, I don’t really expect my opinion of him will improve if as the books continue

From what I’ve seen tho there are a lot of reason why people dislike him (I’ve got a list myself), but like you said in the grand scheme of asoiaf, he’s really not that bad. So why is there more anti Rhaegar discourse than anti-the Mountain (who is unquestionably worse) or less love for Rhaegar then Cersei (who has done also done worse)

My best guess is (and this is just my personal speculation), it has a lot in common with the reason people got so mad at Sansa in s8 (myself included) when she too really didn’t do anything that bad by GoT standards. In fact, it’s funny, you see a lot of people compare her to Cersei or Littlefinger in a derogatory light but those same people will actually like Cersei/Littlefinger. (I say those people when I maysled do this lol) Which I think, reveals it perfectly. Its about perception. It’s about how everyone else in the show reacts and how we the audience are supposed to “view” it.

People liked Cersei when she did dubious shit bc there was recognition that it was wrong. From other the characters, the narrative and the fans. Cersei did villainous shit and was a villain for it. Same with Joeffrey, the mountain, Littlefinger etc... Sansa on the other hand did villainous shit and... was rewarded for it? Got QiTN? Like it felt like we were supposed to view her coronation like Robb’s or Jon’s when it was really more like Cersei’s. And I know that pissed me off. If your going to have a good guy act like the villain, talk like the villain and dress like the villain then you need to recognize they aren’t a good guy anymore (sorry small tangent)

And I think Rhaegar falls into a somewhat similar situation. His reputation is surprising positive considering all the shit he’s pulled and I think that frustrates a lot of people. Especially when they hear people like Ser Barristan and Daenerys speak highly of him. It can certainly feel like his faults get glossed over for the image of the perfectly chivalrous prince, when just on the little we know, that can’t be right. And then the show glamorizing it probably just frustrates people even more.

And I would argue that not all the fans hate Rhaegar, I just think his haters tend to be surprisingly vocal about it. Like I know a lot of casual fans that love him bc they never bothered/cared to actually look closely at his behavior and just see a tragic “forbidden love” story. And then some that just don’t care or view him like you said as a sad tragic emo boy that needs love. But all that really does I think it as fuel to the discourse fire bc now not only do the characters not realize how dubious he was, but a good chunk of fans don’t know or don’t care either which can feel like he gets away with literally everythubg and can be a hero so long as he keeps the dashing prince vibes going.

Although I will say I think the narrative does at least recognize the truth, and as the series continue I think we’ll see a perspective shift as we’ll, but who knows when that will be.

Plus there’s the fact that despite being dead, Rhaegar still has so much impact on the story. And it’s pretty easy to hold the repercussions of his actions against him when you don’t actually get to understand him or see what he’s like. It’s hard to empathize with a character you never get to meet.

But Like I said, that’s just my conjecture. I’m in the same boat. I think Rhaegar’s kind of a dick but 🤷‍♀️ it’s GoT, who ain’t?

[hellreads]

I would really like if you could recommend me any stories with infidelity?

hi there anon, now this is one of the genres/au I enjoy reading, I do not condone cheating/infidelity in any way but there’s this pull you know, I want to get into people’s minds so I read and enjoy (also fucking hurt too srsly a lot of these fics make me bawl right it’s not in past tense because I reread a lot of the stories in here like an affected beech) stories like these, why do they do it? how do they sleep? (actually listening to sam smith’s how do you sleep as I consolidate this list) what triggered them to fall for another soul was it because of love or just plain old lust, as someone who’s been cheated on I know how it feels to be on the receiving end and it sucks the trauma stays with you, you’ll find it hard to trust, you’ll always question yourself, self-esteem will be fucking dippin’ low, in your eyes you’re pitiful and not worthy of being loved especially if you’ve been so fucking loyal like a dog, but a part of me wants to understand because I’m not perfect…

I wanna get in their heads and know how they manage to break a heart that loves them, I guess love will never be enough to keep someone no matter how much love you pour onto them, some love stories are meant to end as tragic as possible to teach us lessons and make our hearts stronger until we find the other half that will make it whole.

this will be a list with different categories, I’ll probably be tagging again the fics I tagged in previous infidelity lists I made because I want this to be the big list, the one I’ll probably update from time to time, the one I’ll keep coming back to when I wanna hurt and leave my tear ducts high and dry, let’s get it! 

P.S: proceed with caution as I have listed taboo & dark themed ones here so pick your poison babes! 🖤

Exhibit A: The One Where You Cheat Together (mutual cheating, both in a relationship (or the other may be single) but still chose to cheat on respective partner/s)

❥ Right of Way by fringesofsanity➴ Infidelity/Lovers!AU | Jungkook x Reader x Jimin | Series➴ In theory, things were simple: your best friend was Jungkook’s girlfriend while your boyfriend, Jimin, was Jungkook’s best friend. In reality, things weren’t always that simple. And mutually exclusive.

❥ Bad Guy by @sweetbunnykook​➴ Mob/Married!AU | Seokjin x Reader x Hoseok x Yoongi | Series➴ After a brutal attack in Hong Kong, your marriage with Kim Seokjin cracks as secrets begin to surface and a series of betrayals find their way into the veins of the Hidden Tigers. Although Jin’s devotion endures, in his own definition, the reality of being a mob wife may be too much for you to bear.

❥ 2U by @milkyyjmn  ➴ Surrogate!AU | Jungkook x Reader x OC | Series➴ You were simply trying to make a living and give the opportunity of having children for the women who couldn’t. You meet a couple who plans to have a steady life — you being the last puzzle piece for it all. But you acknowledge the boyfriend, Jungkook, who questions if he actually wants it.

❥ Clandestine by @ditzymax ➴ Assassin!AU | Taehyung x Named OC x Jungkook | Series➴ As a professional assassin, Kim Kinsoo has many shrouded secrets in her life. Some of them she shares openly with her loving boyfriend, but there are other things he must never know.

❥ My Way @ellieljade➴ Infidelity!AU | Jungkook x Reader x OC | Series➴ Jungkook doesn’t appreciate your boyfriend’s insistence that he stops sleeping with you and he knows just how to prove that you like it his way.

❥ Wildest Moments by @joonbird➴ Infidelity/Producer!AU | Yoongi x Reader | Series➴ “Min Yoongi is forbidden territory. And although you both know better, the two of you just can’t seem to stay apart.”

❥ House of Cards by @aiimaginesbts ➴ Exes/Roommates!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Jungkook | Series➴ A love from high school days lasted until marriage. Just not yours. 

❥ Infidelity by @jungk0oksthighs➴ Exes/Parents!AU | Seokjin x Reader | One-Shot➴ You and Jin had been divorced for a year but you’re forced to see each other when your son is found cheating on a test. After being called into school you both agree to make more of an effort being civil with each other, but it’s not long before history repeats itself. Family dinners turn into stolen kisses and ruffled bed sheets, but there’s one problem with your new arrangement. Jin’s wife. 

❥ Should We Go Downtown by @honeyedhoseok ➴ BFF/FWB!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Hongbin (VIXX) | One-Shot➴ Taehyung has watched you struggle in your relationship with your boyfriend for a while, always being your shoulder to cry on. He’s learned the best trick to pick you up when you’re down–besides his sensation of his mouth on yours–is a trip downtown to the riverfront at nighttime, so you can see the boats coming in on the harbor while he tries to piece back together the girl he absolutely hates to see sad.

Exhibit B: The One Where They Cheat on You 

❥ Only You by @sweetbunnykook➴ Yandere!AU | Jungkook x Reader x Namjoon x Seokjin | Series➴ Jeon Jungkook, your wedding photographer, helps you escape on your big day upon learning about a secret your groom-to-be kept hidden. You soon fall for this young, passionate photographer. However, you underestimated just how much he was willing to reciprocate that love. Maybe, you think, he’s loving you just a little too much.

❥ Slight Changes by @chiminiemoans➴ Infidelity/Idol!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Jimin | Series➴ Taehyung gets caught. 

❥ My Cheating Amnesic Fiancé | One / Two by wrienne ➴ Idol/Arranged Marriage!AU | Jungkook x Reader x OC |  Series➴ BOOK ONE: In which you (reader) and Jeon Jungkook are engaged due to an arrangement made by both of your parents. Though neither of you especially like each other, you never thought you would find yourself in a relationship with a cheater. To top that off, destiny decides to make an entrance (in the form of a hard hit to a pretty skull) and Jungkook suffers amnesia, which only you seem to be able to handle. What will happen? Will you stay with him and help him through his predicament even though he loves someone else? Or should you simply let him go?➴  BOOK TWO: In which you (reader) and Jeon Jungkook are engaged due to an arrangement made by both of your parents. Or well, used to be. After finally resolving Jungkook’s amnesia and your complicated relationship, one would think that everything was fine. But destiny isn’t done messing with your life yet. Due to an incident where you confronted Jungkook’s brother and your current fiancé about some lies that he had made, you found out about a horrible part of his life that you now feel obligated to help him with. But in order to do that, you cannot tell him about you and Jungkook. Additionally, Jungkook isn’t done keeping secrets away from you - secrets that might destroy your already uncertain relationship permanently. Furthermore, your father’s weak health is a constant worry on your mind, and as news outlets dig out more about your late grandfather’s company’s involvement with the former president, nothing in your already chaotic life will be stable for a long time. Will your relationship with Jungkook make it through all the hurdles and hindrances that destiny sets before you? Or are you two really not meant to be?

Exhibit C: The One Where You Cheat on Them (the other party is clueless (mostly) about the affair)

❥ Who Cares by @floralseokjin➴ Infidelity/Lovers!AU | Taehyung x Named OC x Seokjin | Series➴ What happens when Taehyung falls for someone who’s already taken? Can he control his feelings or will they take over and render him powerless? In the end is it all her fault or his…? 

❥ Comfort Inn Ending by @joonbird ➴ Idol!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series➴ “It was you who Jungkook gave his heart to- that is until the day you broke it. And it is you now, hoping that some faultlines can be repaired and that some broken hearts can be put back together again.”

❥ Cheating by @jhspetitegf➴ Infidelity/Married!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Jimin | One-Shot➴ When you were sixteen, you had a life-plan. While all your other friends had been enjoying their youth; going on innocent dates to bowling alleys or spending Friday nights finishing their calculus homework, you had been setting a path for yourself, one you were determined to follow. Until you were about twenty, things had gone to plan; you were studying at an ivy league college, you had managed to shed any puppy fat you still clung onto around your middle, and you had a wonderful set of friends. One goal still lingered, however, and that was to meet The One.

❥ Access Denied by @littlemisskookie➴ Infidelity/Lovers!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Yoongi | One-Shot➴ Your boyfriend, Yoongi, no longer pays attention to you. So you decide to spend time with someone who will. 

❥ Partition by @iq-biased ➴ Mafia!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Namjoon | Series➴ Namjoon. Head of one of the fiercest gangs in Seoul, and your boyfriend. You know he has been working on something big lately. Whatever it is, he’s keeping it very quiet. So quiet, that you’re beginning to doubt whether he’ll ever get any time with you. But when his driver, the infamous Kim Taehyung, is tasked with taking you home during a date-gone-wrong, he’s got nothing but time for you. And time is something you’re finding it really hard to resist… 

❥ Always by @itskimtaehyung ➴ Mafia/Married!AU | Jimin x Reader x Jungkook | Series➴ You would die for him, kill for him, and everything in between. He was as much a part of you as yourself. You didn’t want anyone else. It was always Jungkook. 

❥ Apologies by @ellieljade ➴ Idol/Lovers!AU | Taehyung x Reader | One-Shot➴ After a fight, Taehyung can’t bring himself to apologize to his girlfriend until he realizes that she might have moved on. If he wants her he needs to go get her.

❥ Dead Leaves by wrienne➴ Detective/Married!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Jimin | Series➴ In which you (reader) are a homicide detective about to face the biggest hurdle both of your career and life. Married to probably the kindest but most boring man you’ve ever met and living in a town where nothing ever seems to happen means life for you is dull. Dull enough to drive you crazy with boredom and dissatisfaction. However, life changes abruptly when your old boss retires and a new man takes his place - a man you used to love (and sleep very regularly with) more than a decade ago. Especially when your husband comes home smelling of perfume, you’re unable to resist your more carnal urges and dead women start showing up across the city with unnerving frequency. 

BONUS:

Exhibit Dick: One Where OC Cheats on Reader

❥ A Hundred Percent Human by wrienne➴ Hybrid/Host Club!AU | OT7 x Reader | Series ➴ In which you (reader) are forced to take care of seven hybrids in a twist of fate.

After your estranged mother passes away, you’re left with an unwanted will and the heavy burden of responsibility. Although you’re desperate not to stray from the familiar path you thought was laid out in front of you with a fully human boyfriend who loves you more than anything, your life is thrown upside down once more after another unfortunate incident (that may or may not have to do with said boyfriend) occurs.

Drunk and down on life, you finally decide to deal with the house and the unsavory business your mother left behind. However, to your shock, you find that seven very different hybrids are included with both the house - and the business. Seven hybrids you never even met before - even less agreed to take care of.

Set in the not too distant future where infertility has become mankind’s greatest issue. Will contain sexual content.

so this is the list I came up with I hope you enjoy reading all of these stories I listed here, all of these are wonderful in their own heartbreaking way, some are on-going/on-hold series, some ended with happily ever afters while others ended in the most heart wrenching tragic way. | 🍒

[yusuke-of-valla]

Demon Fam Fic: Yusuke’s birthday.

[A/n] this was @askmarietheapprentice‘s suggestion! I meant to get it out earlier but it ended up kinda getting away from me. Anyway enjoy some babies in Hell

“Happy birthday Yusuke!”

After 3 months in Hell, they’ve all gotten used to Ren’s sudden entrances, but usually he’s kind enough to appear when it isn’t the middle of the night.

“What time is it?” Haru asks, shielding her eyes from the blue flames that Ren brought to light up their shared bedroom.

“4:28 and 32 seconds, Pacific Time! The exact moment Yusuke was born.” Ren says.

“How do you know that?” Yusuke asks.

“Father owns your souls.”

“Wait, so it’s actually your birthday?” Goro asks. 

“Well, yes.” Yusuke says.

“And you didn’t tell us?” Haru gasps. “We would’ve put something together like you guys did for me!”

“I don’t really want anything.” Yusuke says. “I was just going to make my favorite dinner and some cake.”

“Well, we could’ve done that for you, at least.”

“I like making my own dinner and cake.”

“So we know what we’re doing for dinner.” Ren says, picking up Yusuke. “But there’s another 12  to 14 hours before that, and until then I’ve got the perfect plan for a birthday trip.”

“Can we sleep in a little longer?” Yusuke groans. 

“Nope! It’s very time sensitive! You’re lucky, waking up at the exact moment you were born means you have enough time for breakfast!”

~

After a hearty breakfast of birthday pancakes and tea, they’ve all gathered on Kidd’s ship. There’s a thick fog in the area, that cills to the bone.

“We’re here!” Ren announces as the fog parts, and a giant glacier comes into view.

“Drop anchor!” Kidd orders, and the ship comes to a stop. “Alright, so what’s the plan.”

“We’re going to the top for a bit, and then back down.” 

“You goin’ like that?” 

Ren tilts his head. “Like wha- oh right.” 

With a poof, Ren turns into a cat and lands in Yusuke’s arms. “Now we’re good.”

“Why do you have to be a cat?” Haru asks.

“Oh, Goemon’s definitely going to attack us if he finds out I’m here,” Ren explains, “and I kind of suck at fighting in places where it’s cold.” 

“For my birthday you took us somewhere we're going to get attacked?” Yusuke asks.

“What’s the first thing I taught you?” 

Yusuke sighs. “Everything is going to attack you.”

“Right! And that’s why you brought your weapons. And besides, his grudge is with me, even if he did notice something as tiny as you three, he’s not the type to get revenge by proxy.”

“See you soon, Captain!” Haru waves as they get on one of the smaller ships to get to shore.

“Have fun! Don't die!"

On the shore of the glacier, there’s a raging snow storm.

“K-kind of wish we’d gotten goggles.” Goro says, shivering.

“We’ll add t-that to the shopping list.” Haru agrees.

“F-follow me g-guys.” Ren’s black body stands out in stark contrast to the snow. They all hold hands, and follow Ren until they come across a door.

“S-someone with hands, open it.” Ren says.

“I got it.” Yusuke yanks on the door as hard as he can, and it slowly opens enough for everyone to squeeze through.

“Alright. So now we just have to climb up all these stairs and get to the top, preferably without Goemon seeing us!” Ren says.

Yusuke, Goro, and Haru stare at the giant, winding staircase and then at each other.

“Why do demons have to be so damn big?” Goro mutters as he lifts himself onto the first step and Haru and Yusuke follow suit.

As they climb, Yusuke keeps stopping to admire the art pieces on the wall. There’s watercolors, acrylics, and careful sketches lining the walls.  “Hey, Ren, did Goemon make these?” 

“Yeah, I mean, this is his workshop.”

“Amazing!” Yusuke gasps. “The way he blends colors together to portray the different emotions, it’s beautiful. I hope to be this good some day, thank you for bringing us here.”

“Well, this isn’t exactly what I wanted to show you.” Ren says, “but I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

They come to a larger platform, where intricately crafted ice sculptures are on display. 

“Woah. I didn’t even think you could get ice to do this,” Goro says examining a sculpture of a woman who looked as though she was wearing actual fabric.

Yusuke wanders over to a group of statues contorted into various abstract shapes. While on their own, the intricate patterns were impressive, taken together...

“These are about the war with Yalbadoath!” Yusuke realizes.

“How can you tell?” Ren asks. 

“Ok, so start here. This one is rigid, uniform all the way to the top, and then this one, it’s rigid in a similar way but there’s a tiny flaw right there. And in this piece the flaws are bigger. Then this one, any sort of structure is gone, and it’s sharp and chaotic. Then in the final one there are two clear sections, one that has that ordered pattern from the first, but only on the top half while the bottom half is still chaos." Yusuke explains. "They represent the world under Yalbadoath's rule, Satanael's rebellion, and the wars in Hell afterwards!"

"Oh, that's so cool." Goro says.

"Not bad, small one." A voice says. A large demon holding a pipe rises from the ground behind them. "Although I would encourage you to consider how the artist feels about the event, and what they might be trying to say about similar circumstances through his piece."

Yusuke nods. "Ummm… the artist feels…" Yusuke stares at the sculptures, trying to decipher their secrets.

"You seem rather young, how old are you?" The demon asks.

"Seven." Yusuke says.

"Seven…" Goemon laughs. "Oh, I've forgotten how short lived you humans are. Do not be upset if you can't figure it out, you've barely lived a decade!"

“Excuse me, are you Goemon?" Haru asks.

"I am. And I take it you three are Satanael's human children?"

"That depends." Goro says. "What would you do if we were?"

Goemon laughs again. "Such bold children! I have no problems with humans, or Satanael. Were Arsene here, I would freeze him in the heart of this glacier for stealing from me, but I have no quarrel with you three."

"Oh thank goodness." Haru sighs in relief. "I'm Haru, this is Goro, and Yusuke." Haru's eyes fall on Ren on Goro's shoulder. "...and our completely normal cat… Akira! Akira the cat from the human world and who is just a cat."

"Meow." Ren says.

"It's nice to meet you. Now, what brings you 

 here? Usually Zorro would come if your father had a message."

"Well, it's my birthday so we're here to see something at the top of the glacier." Yusuke explains.

Goemon lifts his gigantic pipe to his mouth and colored puffs of smoke float out. "How often do you humans celebrate your birth?"

"Every year." Yusuke says.

"Ah! We demons do celebrate our birth, but only once every century or so. A year is barely a blink of an eye to someone who lives for eternity. To be so short lived you celebrate every year. Fascinating." Goemon nods to himself. "Yes, I do believe you three have given me an idea for an art piece."

"You're welcome." Goro says. "Do you think you could give us a ride to the top? We're told it's time sensitive."

"But of course!" Goemon taps the ground with his pipe, and suddenly everything rushes past them and they're at the top of the glacier.

The air is still here, unlike the lower parts, and looking down, Yusuke can see the snowstorm raging below.

From the top of the glacier, the ocean spreads out for miles, and he can also make out Captain Kidd's ship.

"I do believe it's time. Look up children."

The sky's dark one second, and then suddenly it's awash with colors. Blues flow into greens flow into purples flow into pinks, all dancing across the sky.

"It's beautiful." Yusuke says in awe.

"I've never seen anything like this." Goro says.

Haru nods. "I think I might cry."

"The lights only appear here every 500 years or so." Goemon says. "You are quite lucky, children and cat."

Yusuke makes a frame with his fingers and looks around, finally settling on Haru, Ren, and Goro back lit by the lights.

"Yusuke, what are you doing?" Haru asks.

"I want to capture this moment in a painting." Yusuke smiles. "My first birthday with my new family."

"Awww." Haru starts to walk over to him

"Don't move!" Yusuke snaps before pulling out his sketchbook. "This should only take a few minutes."

Once he's finished with the sketch, Goemon takes them all down to the bottom of the glacier.

"Thank you so much!" Yusuke says.

"Thank you for providing me with inspiration. In fact, here's a gift. From one artist to another." Goemon snaps his fingers and two lobsters appear in Yusuke's hands.

"They're beautiful, thank you." Yusuke says.

"I hope you'll let me see your piece when it is finished."

Yusuke nods. "I will."

"Goodbye children and cat! Enjoy your tragically short lifespans!" Goemon says as they make their way to where the boat was. "And feel free to return any time without Arsene."

"Thank you so much!" Yusuke waves back. 

"So, did I plan a great birthday trip or what?" Ren asks, once their a ways from shore.

"I loved it." Yusuke says. "Goemon's nice too. What did you do to make him hate you?"

Ren rolls his eyes. "He's still mad I stole from him."

"Why'd you steal from him?"

"Like I said, I'm bad in the cold, so I like to practice my thievery in places where it's cold. And he's still mad about it like, 500 years later!"

"I'm kinda on Goemon's side here." Goro says. 

"What?"

"I mean you did steal from him."

"It's not like I took anything important!"

"You'd hate it too if someone stole from you."

"No one's good enough to steal from me."

"You're missing the point!"

Haru sighs and turns to Yusuke. "So what were you thinking about for that cake?"

[mostlygaymarvelstuff]

My Love Took Me Down To The River To Silence Me

We left at dawn and arrived at the river by noon.

He led me there, hand in mine, step by step, down to the bank. He sat me down to a picnic and we shared a glass of wine. He then pulled a hatchet from the basket and told me to lay my head down.

I refused, saying that it would sully the blanket.

So we moved to the sand and I laid on my back, gazing back up at the man hovering above me, with an inoffensive backdrop of heavy clouds. He gave me a sorry look, a curly curtain fallen in front of his face. He just stared at me like that. I just smiled at him.

“You look ridiculous right now, I’ll have you know,” my voice carried nothing but warmth.

He squinted a little. I wished his expression was cold, but it stayed apologetic, like he was having doubts. He then lets his head tilt to the side and mocks, “Says the guy lying in wet sand asking me to kill him.”

“C’mon. It’s better for the both of us. You know that it is.”

He sat back and rolled his eyes, “Are you sure we have to do this now? We could have another day together, just you and me. Then we can do all this business, but… I’m not sure I can do this quite yet.”

I sat up too. “Why not?”

“I… I don’t know. The whole ‘dark magic’ mumbo jumbo is a little far-fetched.”

“And backed by science. You want to be rich and famous in this life and others, just kill me! I’ll find you some way or another, the next time around.”

He just shakes his head, “But I don’t want to live out this time without you.”

We both sat in silence for just a moment before I bit my lip, “Well, either you’re going to kill me, or I’m going to kill you, then your sister is going to kill me and we’ll both be dead.”

“But we’ll already be on to the next life.”

“Or you can live this one out. Just without me. What’s so bad about that?” I ask, then lay back down.

He sighs heavily and puts the axe down, laying with me for just a moment.

“Who’s to say that there even is a next time around?”

“We already agreed that there is. It’s true. Energy is conserved; it never goes away, just comes back in a different form. And you and me– we already agreed, we’re soulmates. We’ll find each other in every lifetime. The next one will just get to be twice as good, ‘cause we won’t have to watch a stupid lighthouse and work nine hours a day, six days a week.”

“Or we’ll have the same hours, but we’ll work in a mine,” he rebuts.

“Mm. Or you’ll be some wealthy aristocrat who just so happens to notice that the boy who does your laundry looks staunchly good in tweed and want to show me off to all your aristocrat friends.”

“Am I a woman in this story?”

“If you want to be. Or we can be somewhere like France, where everyone just sits around, reads poetic men describe the perfect man... and tolerate it because it’s in verse.”

He just rolls his eyes and tosses some sand on my shoulder, “God, you’ve got to stop reading all that French garbage…”

“Do you hate the French?”

“Of course not!”

“What? We can afford the books, we can read. They translate that stuff for people like us.”

“Or for the wives of wealthy men.”

“Oh, I wish I was the wife of a wealthy man! That’s why we’re doing this. Come on. Just say the words and behead me!”

He turned his back to me with those words. I reached up and traced the lines of his back. He just looks down, “We can still live this life. Then we can do all this…”

“And if we live this life, it’ll be decades before we get to live our next one,” I hum, sitting up and wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “Decades of Benjamin Trouts…”

“Or of À La Recherche Du Temps Perdu,” he teased.

“That’s different. People will find out about us,” I remind him.

“We’ll keep our affairs private.”

“If you truly believe that matters, you’re delusional.”

He faces me with desperate eyes, flitting between my face and my neck, “Just… time. We still have time. We don’t need to do this now.”

I place my hands on his, “If we put this off, we’ll never do it.”

“And what’s so terrible about that?”

I shake my head at him, then look down.

“If we had a little more time–” he starts. I interrupt him.

“We should have another glass of wine.”

A glass and a half later, the tidal river was licking at our blanket. The hatchet was wet enough to rust, and, most tragically, my head was still attached to my neck. The silence was suffocating, but not in the right way.

“You could poison me,” I say.

“Why does this have to end with you dead?”

“How could it end with me alive?” I ask in response. “The future would be bright. You’d be rich, I’d be there in the next life, right by your side.”

He just looks down and shakes his head, “But is it worth it?”

“Worth what? A life? This is just one of dozens, thousands. And we’ll ensure that this one will help the future when we’re living in… 1974, or 2038 or 2609.”

He sighed and turned to me, “But I want to live out the rest of this one with you. Grow old, have a family.”

“None of that is ensured. You can find someone after me.”

“Who would want to be with the man who killed his last lover?”

I just shrugged, “Well, do you think you’d tell them?”

“It would be dishonest not to!”

Silence covered us like a fresh blanket of snow, with sound fizzling out until neither of us knew what to say.

It took a moment for me to articulate my words, “I want what’s best for you. And us. And our future. This is a small sacrifice.”

“Small?”

“Yes, small. In the grand scheme of things,” I sit upright, just before him. “And it’s what I want.”

He gave me a sad look, then looked at the hatchet, brushing off some dirt. “I’m not… I’m not going to win this argument, am I?”

I chuckle, “I think you’ve known me long enough to know that.”

“And you’re not even going to give me one more day?” he asks, biting the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood on the side of his tongue.

“One more day might be too many. Just… do this. For me.”

He slowly stands and walks away, putting both hands on top of his head, “And if this works…?”

“Easy lives. Forever. For the rest of eternity, every time we live a new life.”

“And if it doesn’t?” He turns back to face me.  

I shrug. “You try to find a new guy to work the lighthouse with you and I get to see you the next time around.”

“You’re awful casual about all this.”

“I have to be. Otherwise, you’d freak out.”

He scrunches his nose at me. I continue.

“Plus, I’d rather be calm in my final moments in this lifetime. This is normal. I’ve died dozens of times before, this is just routine.”

“I certainly would not call sacrifice ‘routine’.”

“You know, the Romans sacrificed animals all the time. And the Aztecs sacrificed people too. And I think Jesus’s whole thing was sacrifice, and–”

“I get it,” he kept his voice calm as he walks over. “Stop talking about world history or I might kill you in the wrong way.”

I laughed, genuinely finding it funny. He forced a chuckle, though it was deprived of mirth.

I just sat back. “Do you know who told me about the Aztecs? A German delivering a boat’s load of those Lancaster Thirty-Eights. A German.”

“Maybe we should move to Germany. Then you can read their history books ‘till you stuff your head full.”

“In the next life. I doubt they have much use for English-speaking lighthouse managers overseas.”

I lay down. The sand felt cold and sharp against my back and I could feel the gentle bustle under the surface. The tide refused to come any higher, but the man standing several yards away stepped slightly closer. I start speaking again.

“Anyway– even though this may not be routine for you, it has been for other people. So don’t feel too terrible about all of this.”

“I feel pretty terrible,” he admits.

“Too terrible to do it?” I ask.

“I… no. Not too terrible to do it. You want this…” he repeats it again, under his breath. “You want this…”

“I do.”

“And I’ll do it! I’m going to do it.”

I shut my eyes and tilt my head up, waiting for the blow. I wish I knew why, just for a moment, I felt a tinge of fear. A little more than a tinge, really. I was scared. But my love took the hatchet in both hands and as he approached, the sound of wet sand condensing under his boots made my fear disappear.

[ghostbustermelanieking]

au where scully is reassigned from the x files but mulder isn't?

1. Shortly after the incident in Antarctica, Mulder and Scully get the news that the X-Files have been reopened. They both apply for reassignment immediately. “This is it, Scully,” he tells her that night at her place, sitting on her couch. “We testify to OPR about what we know, and we’ll get the Files back in no time. We’re finally close to finding the truth.”

She shakes her head with an eye roll and a small smile, frostbite still visible on her cheeks. She tells him she hopes so, patting his knee absently.

But it doesn’t happen the way that they’re hoping. Of course it doesn’t. The next morning, they go in and they are given the news that only Mulder has been reassigned to the X-Files. Mulder and Diana Fowley. Scully is meant to stay under Kersh.

Mulder is furious, initially, ranting angrily to Scully on the bench on the hall, not caring who hears him. They’re splitting us up again, Scully, they’re trying to weaken us. Scully is surprisingly quiet, her arms crossed over her chest and her mouth set in a hard line. He remembers, involuntarily, a few weeks ago when he told her to go be a doctor and she told him that she wouldn’t quit. Now it feels as if their positions are reversed again. Except the decisions have been made for them.

He wonders, briefly, if this is what was supposed to happen. If this is his way of saving Scully, by moving on without her. He wonders if he needs to let her go or if that’s the worst possible thing he could do.

He says instead, “This isn’t the end, Scully, I’m not going to let them do this to us. This isn’t over yet.”

She purses her lips and nods, but she doesn’t say anything. He gets the sense that she doesn’t quite agree.

2. It should be the end, Scully thinks. This whole thing, everything that happened after Dallas, it should be a sign. Mulder’s ex-partner and ex-girlfriend has come back, has taken her rightful place on the Files, and Mulder never tried to kiss her again. She feels out of place here, like she is intruding. She doesn’t want it to end—god, she doesn’t want it to end—but she doesn’t know how else it can go, now. Mulder has a new partner, a partner that believes him, and she can move on with her career. She hates even acknowledging these prospects, but it seems to be the situation.

But Mulder won’t let things go. After everything, she probably should’ve expected him not to let things go, but she really thought he would. But he keeps making excuses. Keeps calling her on the Bureau phones and distracting her, asking her to lunch (she starts declining when Diana begins to accompany them, even though Mulder’s face falls every time she does), asking her for opinions on files. (“This is what Diana thinks, Scully, but what do you think?”) He asks her to movies or over to the Gunmen’s for poker night, and the Gunmen make faces whenever he mentions Diana’s name, and she feels a rush of gratitude. On a case in Nevada, Mulder is abducted by a man ordering him to drive west, and Scully follows the story the the news, white-knuckling her coffee mugs and ignoring orders to work, calling Fowley and snapping directions at her over the phone. As soon as Mulder’s safe, she calls him and listens to him tell the story over the phone, his words muted, on the verge of tears. She harbors a quiet fury for Diana’s apparent helplessness, refusal to do anything but send state police after Mulder. She wishes she had been there.

In November, Mulder goes rogue. Apparently he’d gone into the Bermuda Triangle in search of a ghost ship with the assistance of the Gunmen rather than Diana. The Gunmen lose him. Scully pursues the information through the halls of the Bureau. She goes down into the X-Files office and finds it empty; no sign of Diana. The smoker calls down to the office looking for Fowley, telling Scully about the information she’s given to Kersh, but midway through, he realizes that he isn’t talking to Diana, and Scully immediately hangs up. It’s the kind of thing she’s been suspicious of since the summer, but she has no time to pursue it. Skinner gets her the info, and she and the Gunmen race off and fish Mulder out of the ocean. Sitting on the deck of their boat, Mulder stretched out on his back breathing raspily and Scully holding his wet hand in hers, she wonders why Diana didn’t come for him.

In the hospital, he speaks of Nazis and The Wizard of Oz and tells her she saved the world. She looks down on him affectionately and starts to leave so he can rest, but he calls her back. “Hey, Scully?” he calls.

She goes back to the bed and leans close, replying, “Yes?” in a half-serious, half-indulgent voice.

He doesn’t speak for a moment, just looks at her, his eyes dopey with the painkillers. And then he says it, as serious as she’s ever heard him: “I love you.”

Her heart leaps on instinct, with excitement, before she tamps it down. He’s high as a kite, she reminds herself. He’s out of it, and he has a partner. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying. “Oh, brother,” she says, rolling her eyes.

She turns to leave the room again and nearly runs into Diana, a look of panic that she can’t tell whether or not is staged on her face. “Oh my god, Fox,” she says, and Scully can’t stop the grimace moving across her face. She keeps moving, her eyes half-shut.

“Hi, Diana,” she hears Mulder say, sounding a little dismayed. She looks back, in the doorway, in time to see Diana sit on the edge of the bed and Mulder touch the blooming bruise on his cheek, not really looking at her. He looks at Scully instead, something like pleading in his eyes.

She looks away. She leaves the room and pretends that regret isn’t twisting in the pit of her chest. Tomorrow, she tells herself, he’ll have come to his sense.

3. On Christmas Eve, he calls her out to a haunted house. He tells her a ghost story full of tragic, star-crossed love, and she scoffs and rolls her eyes, and it feels just like old times until she says, “Shouldn’t you be bothering your partner with this, Mulder?”

He thinks, You’re my partner, automatically, and even after months of working with Diana, it still feels true. He still misses her. He doesn’t know how to be around Diana, as much as part of him wants things to be the way they were before she left; part of him wants to investigate with Diana and Scully, but the rest of him knows that it is a bad idea. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to handle things here, but mostly, he just knows that he misses Scully. That he wants to work with Scully.

The truth is that Diana couldn’t come even if he wanted her to, because she’s spending Christmas with her father and sisters in Connecticut. “I haven’t seen them since I moved to Europe,” she’d said the other day, and Mulder had thought that was strange because Diana had stayed protective over her father after her mother’s death, on into adulthood. But strange or not, she is in Connecticut. He doesn’t tell Scully that, though, because it doesn’t matter. He’d want her here whether Diana was in town or not. He says instead, “You are my partner, Scully. I don’t care what the FBI says.”

His chest lifts when he sees the corners of her mouth lift in a small smile. She spends Christmas Eve ghost-hunting with him, and gives him a present that he didn’t expect in the early hours of the morning even though they hadn’t discussed presents at all this year.

4. In early January, they send Scully to New York for a case alongside a green, brown-nosing young agent. Kersh indicates that this case may be a chance for her to improve upon her career, and though a part of her feels a loyal pang towards Mulder and the Files at that, the part of her that is filled with rage every time she goes to the basement to meet Mulder and sees the new nameplate—Agent Diana Fowley—on the door hopes that this will be a new chance for her.

That silly, stupid, traitorous hope is squashed after a little while on the case. She realizes that this is an X-File. She denies it at first—Mulder gets ahold of the file somehow, and calls her at the airport, teasing her about how he should be investigating this case along with her—but it becomes more and more undeniable as she keeps digging. Mulder does some digging for her, too, keeps taking her calls. At one point, she asks, “Don’t you and Agent Fowley have a case?” and he simply says, “No.”

He calls her while she is alone with the suspect, Fellig, and she asks him to do some more research for her. Within the next hour, she is sprawled on the floor of Fellig’s apartment, a bullet through her gut. She thinks of a lot of things as Fellig instructs her to close her eyes, as Ritter calls an ambulance. She wonders if anyone will tell Mulder.

—

Later, when she wakes up in the hospital, Mulder is there, sitting at her bedside in a chair. She shouldn’t be so surprised to see him, but she is.

His eyes light up when he sees her, and he seizes one hand in both of his, holding it gently. “Scully,” he whispers, his voice soft and tender; he leans down to press his cheek to her pale knuckles.

“Mulder?” she rasps, still in disbelief. “You came?” She wants to ask, What about the X-Files?—really wants to ask, What about Agent Fowley?—but every word hurts.

His eyes are teary. “Course I did,” he murmurs, and he leans in to kiss her forehead. Her eyes slip close, exhausted and in pain and somehow contented, despite it all.

5. Cassandra Spender reappears, asking for Mulder. Scully gets wind of it by whispers across the bullpen, by passing Jeffrey Spender’s desk on the way to the lunch cart. She convinces Mulder to do it; she feels out of place, considering she’s not his partner anymore, but after nearly a month cozied up on her couch with him watching old movies and eating takeout he’d brought her, she feels more comfortable with him. And anyways, she’s as involved in this conspiracy as he is, had as much reason to see the truth brought to light. She urges him to do it on the basis of answers about her own abduction, and he agrees. She notices that Diana is gone; he tells her that she’s gone to visit her sister in Oklahoma and he can’t get in touch with her.

Cassandra Spender tells them stories of alien colonization and of her own husband’s involvement in it. Mulder invites her down to the X-Files office to do research on the Spenders, though Scully protests that they don’t want them working together. (She’d had to stop making calls to Mulder at the office, stop having lunch with him, at Kersh’s insistence. It almost harkens back to their first separation in 1994; Scully’s almost surprised they’re still hanging out outside of work, instead of being reduced to signals and dark parking garage meetings like before.) As she predicts, they’re quickly caught and she’s threatened with dismissal. Jeffrey Spender claims it’s by request of Agent Fowley, and Scully’s face grows red with anger. She can’t look Mulder in the eye.

Mulder protests that this is ridiculous, that Diana would never, and he’s immediately cut off. Apparently, they’ve gotten tired of the trouble Mulder and Scully have gotten into together. They’re reconsidering Mulder’s position on the Files and within the FBI as well.

It’s revenge, Scully knows, for talking to Agent Spender’s mother, but pointing that out would do no good. They’re both sent home.

Scully knows she should probably just leave things alone, but something inside her doesn’t want to let things go. She knows that Fowley is involved with the men who have done these things to them; she’s suspected it for a long time. So she keeps digging. She shares her research with Mulder, and they pass it on to Skinner. She stays at Mulder’s apartment probably longer than she should, drinking a beer he found at the back of his fridge and trying to figure out whether or not, now that she’s shared her suspicions about CGB Spender, she should share her suspicions about Fowley, when Cassandra bursts in. She wants Mulder to kill her, and for a long moment, Scully is afraid he will. And then, before she knows it, the CDC is bursting in to force them into quarantine. Diana Fowley, fresh back from Oklahoma (or, as Scully suspects, somewhere that is notably not Oklahoma), is on their tails, with an excess of lies that Mulder believes. She lies from Mulder’s apartment to the military base that they’re taken to, and Mulder never stops to question it. He actually seems fucking disappointed in Scully for questioning Diana. And that is the moment when Scully is finished trying to protect his feelings in this whole situation. It’s been obvious to her for months; now she needs to prove it to him.

—

Scully goes to the Gunmen. She’d desperate at this point. She may not be Mulder’s partner anymore, but she is still his friend, and she is not going to let a woman who is likely consorting with the men who abducted and assaulted her continue to manipulate him. They find information that proves every suspicion she’s ever had.

But Mulder doesn’t want to hear it. She tries to make him understand. She gives him evidence of Fowley’s activity in Europe. She points out the convenience of Fowley’s sudden reappearance, of their being partnered on the X-Files. She points out all the convenient times that Diana has been missing, that she has provided little to no help in maintaining the Files. That she is basically sabotaging him from the inside. And Mulder won’t hear it. He scoffs, he waves off their defenses. He says that Scully has given him no reason not to trust Diana, and something in her just snaps. She says, “Well, then I can’t help you anymore.”

“Scully, you’re making this personal,” he says, and every word feels like a slap across the face.

Seething with rage, she says evenly, “Because it is personal, Mulder. Because without the FBI, without the X-Files, personal interest is all that I have. And if you take that away then there is no reason for me to continue.”

She turns and walks away, her heels clacking on the floorboards. For a second, she thinks: This is it. This is when he’s finally going to let me go. And then he catches up to her. He catches her shoulder gently, saying, “Scully, wait.”

She turns on him hard. “Wait for what, Mulder?” she snaps. “We’re not partners anymore.” He flinches immediately, but she doesn’t care; this is the way she’s been feeling since her reassignment. She says, “You want to keep this impersonal? Fine. Speaking from a strictly professional standpoint, I don’t see why you need me anymore. You’ve got the X-Files, and you’ve got a partner who probably believes you, whether she’s working against you or not.” She bites her lower lip, hard, her hands in her pockets. “Where do I fit into that equation?” she asks.

And then she’s gone, slipping out of the Gunmen’s apartment and going down to her car.

6. She gets home and tells herself that it is over now. She’s serious this time. She’s going to stay at home until she hears about whether or not she is keeping her job.

But as she should’ve expected, that plan more or less blows up in her face. Agent Spender calls with information for her. He wants her to intercept the transport of his mother by train at the Potomac yards. Scully is tempted to say no, partially out of not wanting to be involved and partially out of contempt for Jeffrey Spender, but remembering everything she and Cassandra have been through, she finds herself unable to.

Mulder calls her en route to Cassandra. He wants to come pick her up, to go somewhere with him and Diana. She laughs bitterly at that. “That’s not going to happen, Mulder,” she says, teeth gritted. She tells him she is going to find Cassandra. She refuses to come with him. He decides to come with her instead.

Against her better judgement, she decides to go pick him up. For Cassandra, she tells herself. No other reason. They make it to the Potomac yards, but they can’t stop the train. Mulder tells her and Skinner that something bad is about to go down at El Rico Air Base. And by morning, everyone at El Rico Air Base is dead.

Scully goes home. Even after everything case down, after Mulder tries to apologize, she still goes home. She’s tired of the whole thing. After everything, she couldn’t even save Cassandra. She doesn’t want to hear Mulder’s apologies; she can’t do this anymore. She just wants it all to be over.

—

The next morning, she gets a call from Skinner. “Agent Scully, I’m calling to tell you that your suspension had been lifted,” he says solemnly. “And that you’ve been reassigned to the X-Files, by request of Agent Mulder.”

Scully bites down on her lower lip so hard that it bleeds. “Excuse me, sir,” she says, “but I believe that the X-Files are currently at their maximum capacity of agents.”

“I’m afraid they’re not. Agent Fowley requested a transfer,” says Skinner. He clears his throat. “And I’m afraid there’s worse news. Agent Spender’s blood was found all over the office. It will be a while before either of you can begin work.”

Scully grimaces. “That’s horrible. Do they have any idea who did it?”

“No, but I can tell you who Mulder suspects,” Skinner says.

Scully nods, staring at the rug, tears blurring her vision. She knows who he’s talking about, and she’s too exhausted to consider it. It’s been some of the longest few days of her life. And now they’re offering the X-Files back, and she’s not sure that she wants it, after everything that’s happened. At one point, she didn’t, and then she didn’t, and now she doesn’t again. She doesn’t know what to do now. All she really wants is for things to be the way they were before all of this started. Before Diana Fowley came back, before Mulder had essentially rejected her and her trust.

“Is… everything okay, Scully?” Skinner asks on the other end. She sniffles quietly and wipes her eyes; she’d almost forgotten he was there. “I thought this would be good news.”

“I… appreciate you calling to give me the news, sir,” she says quietly. “But I don’t know that I can accept the position.”

Skinner is quiet for a moment on the other end. And then he says, “You know, Mulder’s been making requests for you to be transferred back to the Files since the beginning, you know. The whole time he was partnered with Agent Fowley. He’s been asking to work with you the whole time.”

Her eyes blur further; she’s not sure if she’s grateful or extraordinarily embarrassed that Skinner managed to see through her act, see what she’s been worried about. She thanks Skinner quietly and hangs up quickly, rests her chin on her hand across the arm of the couch. She tries to tell herself it doesn’t mean anything. She tries not to think of her and Mulder on this couch a week ago, her half-asleep and him stroking the bottom of her foot absently from where it lay across his thigh, kissing her hair absently as he left. Of his teary eyes in a hallway last summer as he begged her to stay.

7. He’s at her door by that night. Of course he is. He’s apologizing before she can even get the door all the way open. “I’m sorry,” he says.

She sighs wearily, leaning against the door. “What do you want, Mulder?”

“I’m sorry,” he says again, reaching out to stop her from closing the door, although she’s made no move to close it. “I’m so sorry, Scully. You… you were right. I was an ass, and I’m sorry.”

Her hands clenched harder around the doorknob. She looks at him without saying a word.

“I-I’m sorry that they partnered me with Diana,” he says softly.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she mutters, resentful and remorseful all in the same breath.

He isn’t finished. He begins, “It's… it’s been hard for me to know how to deal with this. Part of me wants things to… to be the way they were before Diana left. She… she meant a lot to me, and it’s tempting to try and look past everything else and just remember what it was like before. But even from the beginning, I… things didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to work without you. I didn’t know how to work without you. I kept making excuses to hang out with you because I missed you so much.”

She looks down, away from him, at the doormat. She doesn’t know how to talk about this. She’s thinking about it, every lunch and mid-day phone call and movie night, and the memories are almost painful. “Mulder…” she says softly.

“You said you didn’t see why I needed you anymore, but I do need you, Scully.” His voice breaks a little. “I always need you. You’re my partner.”

She sniffles. She remembers when, while high off his ass, he told her that he loved her. She’s still not sure she believes him. She says, “You still trust her.”

“I…” He’s hesitating. He reaches out gently to touch her shoulder. “I don’t know anymore, Scully. I trust you. And I should’ve listened to you, and I never should’ve told you that you were making it personal, because it’s always been personal with us.” He rubs a circle along the back of her shoulder, steps a little closer. She doesn’t step away. “I’ve really, really missed you,” he murmurs. “And I’d love to work with you again, if you want.”

She gulps. She lifts her chin a little to meet his eyes. “I missed you, too,” she whispers, the back of her neck reddening.

He squeezes her shoulder. “I… I was wondering if we could talk about things,” he murmurs. “You and me. I was wondering if we could try and work on them.”

She wipes one eyes with the tip of her finger. She takes a deep breath and steps aside in the doorway so he can come in.