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marvinswriting · 2 years ago

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ménage, chapter five

previous chapter, masterpost this reads like a filler but when you look back youll see it sets up for so so so much riley pov

Riley couldn't remember a time when Sunday mornings were calm. All mornings in the home were hectic and loud. Nobody could really sleep in unless they were Megan, who trained herself to. But Sundays were the day when Rebeckah went to town to run errands. Sometimes one of the younger kids tagged along with her but they typically found it boring, and the older kids stayed home to keep the house from falling apart.

Riley didn’t mind. She liked watching over Kenny and Lenna. But recently Sundays had become tense. Because Sunday was when Evan and Matteo couldn’t avoid each other. They couldn't dance around each other like they did the rest of the week. They had to interact and talk to watch over the young ones and help dish out chores. And if they refused? Then the work fell on Riley’s shoulders. Judging by the sound she woke up to, it might be one of the latter days. “He’s insufferable!” Evan stormed into their room as Riley finished making her bed. “He won’t even listen to me! My name's Matteo and I’m right, screw everyone else's opinions!” “Rough morning?” “Loud enough to wake Meggie.” Riley hummed. “I doubt it.” She didn’t sleep well the night before. Her mind never quite shut off after Megan amped her up. Every creak felt too loud, and Evan snored a bit. But the boy didn’t seem put off by her lack of emotions in the response, he just kept on talking. “He’s all, this is my life not yours! So screw you and how you feel!” “He’s not entirely wrong, you know.” Riley yawned. “I mean, the second part no- but it is Matteo’s future. Ultimately what he wants is what he will do.” Matteo wanted to move out and far away, distancing himself from his life in their town. Even from a young age, he hated being orphaned. He hated the lack of a biological family. He wanted nothing more than to leave. The small home, small town, small circle lifestyle made him restless. But Evan saw the people living in the home as more than housemates. Biology meant nothing to him. Family is family. And Matteo was his older brother. That’s not to say Matteo didn’t see Evan as a younger brother. Riley was sure he did. Matteo just didn’t verbally declare it like Evan did. “Besides,” She continued, “No matter what Matteo does, he’ll still keep in contact. We won’t lose him just because he wants to see the world.” “You don’t get it.” “Sure I do.” “Then why are you siding with him?” “Ev, I’m not. I just see both sides. I think Matteo could handle distributing the news a lot better, but it’s not our decision to make for him.” “Are you even sad about it?” “Yeah, of course I am,” “Yeah because you look really torn up.” “Evan, it is eight am and I did not sleep well. Pardon me for not being a weeping mess over something we knew would happen.” “I came for you for comfort, you know.” Evan crossed his arms, “I am always there for you and the one time I need you to side with me you just shoot me down and make me feel dramatic.” “I wasn’t trying to- I just,” Riley sighed. “He’s not dying y’know.” “You don’t get it. You and him and the oldests. You get to leave and not look back.” “I’m only four weeks older than you-” “And half the home looks up to you! You can’t just leave once you're bored and leave us all here!” “Evan, I’m not the one leaving!” Great, now Riley was part of the yelling. “Of course you’re not. I know that. I just-” Evan bit his lip. “Whatever, Rye. Thanks for trying to make me feel better.” He didn’t sound thankful. Megan was, shockingly, still asleep as Riley walked past her room. Most of the home got up around seven on Sundays, but it wasn’t an official rule set by Rebeckah, just the time most of the home naturally got up. So Riley slept in until eight or nine, and Megan would sleep well into the afternoon if nobody woke her up. The only night owl in a home of early birds. Matteo was already in the kitchen by the time Riley walked past. He nodded to her briefly before continuing to prep breakfast. Lenna and Kenny were keeping eachtoher nicely entertained in the livingroom, so she sat on the sofa to keep an eye over them. There was thirty seconds of peace as Riley got comfy before Lenna noticed her arrival. “Riley! Guess what? Guess what?!” “What?” “No, guess!” Lenna clambered over the back of the sofa, leaning half on top of Riley with excited eyes. “Uhhh, I don’t know!” “I saw the tiny people!” It took Riley’s tired brain a moment to realize what she was talking about before smiling.“A borrower?” “Mhm! A girl! Not a boy like the stories.” “Was she friendly?” Lenna deflated. “I dunno she ran away.” “Aw” Riley ruffled her hair, “Maybe next time.” “You don’t believe me.” Lenna frowned. “Of course I believe you!” “Why aren’t you more excited?” “I am very excited, Lenna. I’m just tired, too.” “Oh.” The nine year old seemed momentarily stumped perking up. “Then you need coffee. Let’s go!” Lenna grabbed Riley’s arm before leaning all her weight backwards to pull the girl off the sofa and drag her into the kitchen. “Good morning.” Matteo says, still at the stovetop. “Morning.” Riley smiled as Lenna rushed around the kitchen, shoving an empty mug and spoon into her hands. .”Get coffee!” “Alright, alright!” Riley laughed, stepping over to the coffee maker. “Lenna, while I do this will you wake up Meg for me?” “Okay!” Riley could hear her bounding up the stairs as she stirred her cup. “She really looks up to you, y’know.” Matteo says, leaning against the counter. “Meg too.” “We’re the three girls of the house. We gotta stick together.” “You say that like you’re outnumbered or something.” Matteo rolled his eyes. “But that’s not what I mean. They don’t listen to Evan or I like they do to you. I’ve been trying to get Lenna to wake up Meg for the past hour. She refused until you waltz in.” Riley grinned. “Maybe I’m simply better.” It was almost deja vu, to be told the younger kids looked up to her twice in the same hour. It wasn't new news, Riley could tell she was admired. For Lenna and Kenny the bar wasn’t exactly high. But nobody ever really said it to her face before. And now she was going on twice before noon. It was almost hyporticical too, at least to hear it from Matteo. He was not one to talk. “You really should try talking to Evan in a calm manner.” She was brought up. “Not by fighting. Just- explain to him why you want to leave. He thinks you hate him.” “He knows that’s not true.” Matteo rolled his eyes, shutting off the stove top. “No, he genuinely is blaming himself.” “Well he shouldn’t.” “I’m not telling you how to feel, don’t get defensive. I’m just-” “Literally telling me how to feel.” “No?” “Yes, you are. I’m Riley and I know what is best for everyone so I’m gonna interfere in topics that have nothing to do with me. You think I don’t know how Evan feels? He’s screamed at me like a dozen times in the past four days. Stay out of it.” It appears this is a sensitive topic. Great, not both older kids were mad at her. Breakfast was- Tense. Lanna and Kenny were too young to tell what was going on, but even they could tell something was wrong. The only conversation longer than a couple sentences at the table was Lanna telling Megan about the tiny person she saw. Megan finally got her taste of revenge by shutting Lanna down with the same thing Matteo told her. The difference was Lanna was nine and started to cry. “Megan!” Riley hissed as Lanna ran away from the table. “I’ll get her,” Evan sighed. “What!” Megan was exasperated. “You don’t have to be right every time, Megan. If Lanna wants to believe in borrowers, why's that so bad?” Matteo said. Megan blinked, her mouth slightly open like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. “Matteo, you are so hypocritical!” Riley didn’t disagree. Today was a mess.

Breakfast didn’t last long after that. Megan stormed off to her room, Kenny grew bored of scrambled eggs, and Matteo just cleaned up in a huff. The day was already hell, so Riley began to clean the living room in an attempt to cross off some chores from Rebeckah’s list. She could already see Rebekah’s reaction to ‘sorry, we did nothing today besides learn to hate each other’. A stressed, sad, smile. Rebeckah did so much for all of them. The least Riley could do was clean the house if peace maker wasn’t going well. “Hey.” Megan stepped into the room as Riley began cleaning up Lanna and Kenny’s toys. “Feel any better?” Megan ignored the question. “Let’s hang out.” “Not today, Meg. I’m sorry, I’ve got chores.” “I can help.” “It’s really a one person job. Why don’t you hang with somebody else? We can go to the shops in town tomorrow together. I’ll pay to make up for it.” “I can’t hang with somebody else.” Megan crosses her arms. “Evan and Matteo look ready to cry or go into another screaming match and Kenny and Lenna are babies.” “Careful- don’t let Lenna catch you saying that, she’ll take it personally.” “I dont care.” Megan crossed her arms. “I’m stuck in the middle. Too young for the older kids and too old for the younger kids. I don’t want to play princess but I don’t want to talk about college.” “I’m sorry.” Riley mumbled, not looking up from where she was tidying up. “Yeah, I can tell you feel horrible about it.” She sighed, turning to the younger girl. “Megan, I do feel bad, honestly. You’ve just- picked a bad time. Today has been a lot so far and it’s not even noon yet.” “Right. Of course. Sorry to be a bother.” “I didn’t say that.” “It was implied.” Megan sunk into the sofa, crossing her arms over her chest without giving Riley a chance to defend herself to correct her poor choice of phrasing. Riley stood with a frown. Everyone was fighting today. “Meg-” The other girl turned away. Kenny was crying a couple rooms over. Evan was yelling at Matteo to help him. Matteo was MIA. There was no telling if Evan was still with Lanna or if she was unsupervised. Rebeckah wouldn't be home for another couple hours and at this rate they were not lasting that long. Megan was sniffling and Riley just stood there. Everything that could go wrong in a day went wrong. She didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t quite sure where it all went wrong either. Everyone seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed except for Lanna, who was instantly shot down everytime she brought up the borrower she saw.

That’s it.

Riley was lucky that Rebeckah’s office was opened. She made her way to the back of the room, running her fingers along the familiar book spines until she found the one she was looking for. Megan was still at the opposite end of the sofa, curled into herself, when Riley sat down in the center of the sofa. The younger girl noticed Rebeckah’s storybook quickly, but she didn’t mention it, only stealing glances at Riley through the corner of her eye. Riley flicked open to a random story, staring at the page. She didn’t even begin to read, just counting in her head. One… Two… Three… “-Wait.” Megan crawled closer to her. “Can you-” She hesitated. “Can you read it out loud?” “Why of course.” Riley smiled. “It was another midnight adventure when the young girl learned about Audwin’s past.” Megan rested her chin on Riley’s shoulder to read it too, a soft smile on her face. “The young girl didn’t know much of Audwin’s family, but she assumed he at the very least had one. But when he said he didn’t, he asked her not to be sad for him. That it was just how things were for him. The young girl said that was how things were for her too. For she was an orphan.” “Wait!!” Lanna bolted into the room, Evan close behind. “Are we missing a storytime!” Riley shushed her. “No more yelling at each other if you’re gonna listen. Inside voices okay?” “Start from the beginning!” Lanna did not use her inside voice. Evan sat down next to Riley, hooking his arm over the back of the sofa to also touch Megan. His was contrite, and Riley could tell in the way he smiled softly, but it was a conversation for later. It was a start. “Okay, okay, are we ready now? Riley asked as Lanna sprawled over her and Evan to see the pages too. “No!” Kenny’s voice came from the stairs. “We heard Lanna say storytime and came as fast as we could.” Matteo explained as he leaned on the back of the sofa and Kenny sat next to Megan. Unlike the other two older kids, he didn’t seem too remorseful for earlier- but he was no longer yelling at everyone to Riley would take it. “Now are we ready?” She asked for the final time. “Yes! Go already!” Lanna said. “It was another midnight adventure when the young girl learned about Audwin’s past.”

wc:2296 taglist!: @smallsoysauce @musicallygt

#g/t #g/t writing #giant tiny #giant/tiny #marvinswriting: ménage #g/t writer #gt #borrowers #tiny #giant #gt writing

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manicpanicmonkey · 2 years ago

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The AC blasted throughout the darkened room, and yet the air still felt hot and stale. Arcee dug the tips of her fingers into the bed, the gentle sounds of metal scraping metal echoed in the room along with a soft grumble as she tossed and turned and tried every sleeping position imaginable and then some, but it didn’t seem to do much good. The young femme grumbled as she shot up and rubbed her face. “Great, looks like it’s gonna be a long, restless night. Again!” With that said, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and began to walk the long, dark halls of the base with a hand on the wall. The cold metallic smoothness of the walls occasionally interrupted with a bump or two that her hand would find and toy with, anything else to focus on was appreciated.

A soft sigh escaped into the air as her gaze studied each door along the walls, with the knowledge of whose room was who’s. “Huh, of course the biggest room goes to the big boss man. Still, I wish I would’ve taken the offer to take over the room when he gave me the choice.” The walk continued until she ran across a room with muscle cars plastered on to it and a chuckled emerged. “You couldn’t help it could ya Bee? You and Cliff both loved those things.” She looked across the hall, to the last two doors on the left and shook her head at the sight of the Keep Out! Sign. “Sure Ratchet, I won’t go in your room. As long as you don’t go into mine.” While the one next to it had cutesy, pastel colored kittens and amp guitars stuck onto it. “Haha, you just couldn’t bring yourself to let her down, huh big guy? Can’t say I blame ya, I would’ve done the same.” Then as she turned to look down the hall, there was another door off to the right. Fingertips once more dug into the smooth, cold metallic wall and caused small scratches in it, while the other one dug into her palm with the feeling of teeth being stung into her lips as a small sliver of energon escaped the wound. “You can do this.” It took a few moments, but she managed to get to the door.

As she placed her hand against the cold, dusty door it opened upon being touched and caused the two wheeler to jump back. The room inside was a slight mess, comics and magazines laid about the floor, the bed half made, and posters of jaguars, mustangs and porches plastered on the wall behind the bed. She chuffed as tears welled up in her eyes. “God Cliffjumper, why'd you have to go? You have no idea how much we need you. How much I need you. Not a day goes by where I don’t miss you and wish you’d come home to us. To me.” She let out a soft, shaky breath as her gaze fell towards a bulky, wooden desk covered and buried in papers. With a head shake, she strode over to the table and began to investigate the papers. “You couldn’t stand to have anything clean, could ya … Cliff?” The sight of a loose, blackened piece of paper caught her eye. Curious, the femme pulled it from the stack and found a photo of a North Top Talon Jet, with T-38 written beneath it. Curiouser still, a few words could be seen through to the other side.

Hey Scream,

Look I know you gotta be exhausted working for Megatron. I can tell it in your voice. I promise, Optimus is not Megs. You’ll be safe here. Might take some time for everyone to come around, but I’m sure if you stick with me, we’ll all be friends before ya know it.

CliffJumper

Ps: could really use your inside info on those mines. Food’s tight and I can’t get much to ya.

As soft ‘no’ escaped Arcee’s lips as her hand shook in surprise. “No, this isn’t right! How … Why would he even do this? Damnit Cliff what were you thinking?!” She quickly stormed off in a fury on par with a giant blaze towards the super computer. “He better be awake, I know he has to be.” She muttered and typed out the message in a swift fury, nothing added up here. Why would Cliff reach out to him of all bots?! There was no time to figure out what was happening, and before she knew it, the message had been sent and the young two wheeler had raced off to the meet up point.

…

Some time later, a sleek, deep blue Kawasaki motorcycle pulled up to the ledge of a canyon. The bike’s rider quietly contemplated the vast expansion of desert before them. Soft winds would blow in from the northeast and small dust clouds would kick up and die off again in the distance. The large walls that made up the canyon caused the rider to twitch a bit, as a hand clutched the bike’s handles tightly. “Always did hate to feel small, but I kind of like it at the same time.” The rider looked around again, as if to check to see if anyone was around. When the coast seemed clear, they unhooked a saddle bag that hung on the side of the bike, and then the rider vanished into the air and the bike transformed.

The bike was revealed to be Arcee as she stretched and pulled the muscles throughout her body. “There we go, man! I love being able to do that, but sometimes it really cramps ya up.” As she did so, the young speeder turned and found her gaze rested on the canyon once more. Some walls felt as if they could tower over her and would begin to bark orders in a deep, gravely voice. Some seemed to want to invite her to take cover against them. While others served as an odd reminder, of something that caused her shoulders to hunch up and pull forward as the rest of her body stood up straight with and put all the weight on her tiptoes.

“Trying to make yourself taller than me? It’s cute, but it won’t work.” The smooth, husky, mechanical like voice made Arcee jump in a panic and whipped around to face its owner, her blades at the ready for a tough fight. Only to lower the blades when she found who it was. “So you did get my message, that’s good to know.” Starscream grumbled a bit and shook his head.

“Yes well, it's not everyday you autobots want to parlay with me now is it? So, what do you have in mind? Or is this just a trap set by Optimus?” Scream stood tall and upright and strode over to the smaller bot. Each step made it seem as if he glided over the sand effortlessly. Soon, the taller slender frame towered over the young speeder. Bright, red eyes pierced down at her with his thick brows knitted tightly together and hands rested behind his back. Arcee swallowed her anxieties, and began to speak.

He leaned forward, and got right in her face and shot a cheeky grin at the sight of a femme, who was usually so eager to get into a slagging match, now suddenly so quiet. “What? Cat got your tongue? Or perhaps you’re so charmed by my physical appearance that you’ve lost your nerve, hhmm?”

Arcee let out a soft growl and found her voice again and spat out what was needed to say. “I really did just come to parlay. But I found this, what were you and Cliff up to?” He looked at the crumble piece of paper quizzically and gingerly took it from her palms and began to uncrumple it. A soft hum arose into the air at its sight and the contents of the message on the back.

“An old correspondence, Cliffjumper and I were in talks of me potentially defecting to your side.” The sight of Arcee’s face having grown longer, eyes wide and cocked brows with her mouth agape, caused him to chuckle a bit and he turned his attention to the tips of his fingers.

Arcee’s face snapped back together and tightened up, the arrogance and cocky attitude on display lit a fire deep within her belly as she growled, “Why?”

“Because at the time of that letter, I was seriously considering it, it was that, or go rogue. To say I was miserable was an understatement. Beaten, used, abused, it was his fault my brothers are dead and my sister is MIA. I bear some responsibility in their fates, but he was the overall cause of their deaths and disappearance.”

“Siblings?”

“Yes, I was the eldest of Lieutenant Cryak’s sparklings. It was me, Skywarp, Thunder Cracker, and Slip Stream. I’ve spent much of my time trying to find my sister, and possibly get her back into our ranks or at least know of her fate. Not like it matters, Megatron won’t tell me anything about her and warned me that if I were to continue with my search, all I’d find is myself buried deep below the surface of Cybertron.”

Arcee remained quiet, arms crossed over her chest like a wall. A wall with eyes that watched as Starscream’s demeanor changed. Shoulders hunched up with arms crossed and his wings pressed tightly together. As if he’d expected the worst to happen.

“So what, Cliff was gonna help you find her?”

“That was part of the deal, yes. I regret every day since his murder that I’d snuffed out his spark.” Arcee chuffed at the confession and shook her head.

“Never thought I’d live to see the day where you’d actually admit to something you’d done wrong. So then why’d ya do it?” He just sighed and glanced at the young femme with her, glaring right back at him. The pair locked in an awkward test of wills. A soft growl escaped the old seeker and he turned away.

“To prove to Megatron that I was not as worthless as he claimed! Now, unless you want to strike up a deal, or apologize for attacking me, we’ve nothing more to do here.”

“Why should I? You killed my partner and for what?! All so you could prove yourself to someone who never cared if you lived or died?”

“Megatron cost me my trine and our little sister! You think I don’t understand loss, but I do! Every day, you find yourself reminded of them! What could’ve been done differently to save them, what you could have done to keep them alive! And by extension, keep your promise to your mother.” Scream slowly seemed to withdraw into himself and began to turn away before the tears in his eyes could be seen. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Scream began to storm away, his wings now hung low towards the ground as he went. Arcee could feel the sharp, stabbing pain in her palms as her finger tips dug into them, trembled with every emotion possible. He got away once because of her, it wouldn’t happen again.

Arcee could feel the spit build up in her throat as it got tight. No, no this had to be said otherwise this war would never end. With one more forced swallow, she finally barked out.

“I’m sorry!” This in turn got Scream to pause and turn around.

“Come again?”

“I apologize for my actions that day. I thought if I settled the score that it would make me feel better, but all it did was leave me feeling emptier than I already did! I know now harming you, won’t bring back someone I loved.” She quietly began to shut down, arms crossed tightly against her chest and cast an avoidant gaze to the ground, unable to face Star’s direction. The old seeker watched as the two wheeler dug her nails into her arm.

“Stop it.” He said gently

She turned to look at him, with her own confused look as he explained. “You’ve got your fingers dug into your arm. Stop it. If you keep that up you’ll puncture yourself.”

Arcee blinked in bewilderment at the statement and was slightly taken aback by the concern being shown in the moment.

“Apologies, my younger brother, Thunder Cracker, had a nasty habit of that. I’d lost count of how many times I’d told him to knock it off, yet he still continued to do it. Always had to patch him up and play it off to Megatron as something else. Those two were idiots, especially Skywarp. But I miss those idiots.”

Arcee slowly loosened her grip on her arms. The self injuries only just dawned on her when Scream pointed them out, it became even more obvious with the stinging sensation that came from the wounds.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’d like to leave.”

A soft sigh escaped her as she pulled something from the nearby saddle bag on the ground. “Starscream, wait!”

A frustrated growl cut the silence as the seeker whipped around at the two wheeler, only to pause at the cluster of blue glowing rocks in her hand. “I know words don’t mean much. Especially when you lived and worked under Megatron for Primus sake. But hopefully this,” his eyes widened at the sight, freshly mined energon! He licked his lips hungrily as she spoke, “Will help prove that maybe, I’m not really so bad, ya know?” His eyes flickered to her face and caught the sight of the smug grin as it grew.

He returned the smirk, “Heh using my own words on me now, are we? Well,” he stood up straight, and cleared his throat, and looked at the tips of his fingers. “Perhaps I could be swayed to your cause, especially if you’re kind enough to provide a meal or two.” He licked his lips greedily and snatched the energon from her hands, which caused her to yank hers back and step away to watch as Stars happily munched on the energon. A slight smile crept across the two wheeler’s face along with a chuckle escaping her throat.

“Huh guess June was right.”

He paused and looked at her, unsure of what she was on about. “Right about what? And who is June?” He asked between mouthfuls of energon.

“The quickest way to a mech’s spark, is through his stomach.” She smirked and began to stod off, but not before her fingers gently grazed his wings. “By the way, you might wanna learn to relax these more, that tension can’t be good for ya.” This little retort and small sign of affection caused Scream to straighten himself up and glare at the young femme bot

“Perhaps you should watch your tongue!”

Arcee turned smoothly as the soft sand gently rustled beneath her feet. “Or what?” She shot back, a devilish smirk on her face. Star returned the smirk and gently tilted her head to look at him.

“Oh I think you and I will get along just fine, wouldn’t you agree, my pet?” She chuffed at the nickname and moved his hand away from her face and gently locked his fingers into hers.

“Only if you never call me your pet again.”

“You’ll learn to like it my dear, by the way, there’s an energon mine a few clicks north of here. I’d been scouting it out for the last few weeks, and I don’t believe the decepticons have found it yet. I’ll send its location to your personal communication device. Provided you save a few cubes for me, it’s been some time since I’ve had a chance to really eat.” He licked his lips and continued to munch on the cluster he’d been given earlier.

An uneasy gaze grew on her face, but she looked at the directions for the mine. They looked legit from what she could tell. “I’ll send Bumblebee and Bulkhead out tomorrow and investigate. If you’re being honest, I’ll save you some and meet you back here the night after tomorrow. Got it?”

He shot her a devilishly toothy grin and spoke, “But of course, my pet.” He bowed and with that, took off. She grumbled and rolled her eyes before taking off herself.

#tfp starscream #tfp arcee #transformers prime #fanfic #starscream x arcee

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theworkprint · 7 years ago

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Teriah: 'The Young and The Restless' Ship You Should Be Watching

#Teriah in the #TheYoungandTheRestless Ship You Should Be Watching

I can safely say that I had no intention of getting invested in a slow burn female pairing on a soap opera and yet, here I am. Several months ago, I’d heard rumblings that The Young and the Restless was going to be, at long last, doing a queer storyline. Mariah Copeland and Tessa Porter were supposedly going to fall for one another. Never mind that Tessa was dating Mariah’s brother and both women…

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#Cait Fairbanks #Camryn Grimes #CBS #Terriah #The Young and the Restless #Y&R

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magniloquent-raven · 4 years ago

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I love your trans-billy! I need more <3

AW OMG IM SO FLATTERED!! it was just a little vent fic tbh, but i have been wanting to write more trans billy because the fandom needs more of it, so here is a part two!

(read part one here)

(i do get into billy’s childhood a little bit in this part, so cw: child abuse mentions)

seems like billy's whole damn life is just a series of stupid choices and him dealing with the consequences of his own impulsiveness.

started young and never stopped. when he was six he chopped off all his hair in the school bathroom right before class photos. didn't even consider what would happen when he walked out of that room, he just felt wrong and wanted to fix it.

he had to walk around for months with a patchy hack-job because neil refused to pay to get it fixed. his mom said she'd try to make it better but billy wouldn't let her touch it. he was afraid she'd try to make him pretty again. undo all his hard work.

after that it was easier to sneak into groups of boys unnoticed, like the kids three streets down who were always playing basketball in the empty parking lot. they'd turned him away before, took one look at him and sneered that a girl couldn't keep up.

but after he put on a pair of too-big cargo shorts he stole off the neighbours clothes' line, and a t-shirt he'd hacked the sleeves off of, with his newly shorn hair all they did was make fun of him for looking poor. but they let him play.

months later, they hadn't caught on, even though his hair was growing out, and he wore the same clothes every time he saw them. he was starting to get nervous about being discovered.

what he didn't expect was neil discovering him first.

it was the first time his dad really hit him. more than just grabbing his arm, or shoving him a little. the first time he left scars.

he said if billy wanted to act like a boy, he'd get taught like one.

and life was a constant battle after that. even when he had his mother in his corner, it was usually a losing one. after she left there was barely any point in fighting at all, but he could never seem to stop entirely.

not when this was, according to his father's standards, what it takes to be a man.

but in trying to prove himself, he ended up in some fucked up places.

on the floor in his bedroom, his back torn open and the sharp crack of a belt ringing in his ears, still refusing to admit that tearing up the dress his nana made him wasn't an accident.

under the bleachers, blowing a guy who called him a dyke one too many times. then leaving him with his pants down and a broken nose 'cause he wouldn't stop trying for more than that.

waking up in a hospital bed, eighteen years old and wondering why he's still alive. being told it's a miracle. being told he was heroic. saved some little girl. got his name in the paper.

four months later taking a bus to chicago, picking out a new name on the way and never looking back.

and he might be living a whole new life here, but that doesn't mean he left all his stupid back in california.

it's been a week since he spent an afternoon half-conscious in steve's arms, and things have been disturbingly normal between them. steve hasn't asked any weird questions, or commented on billy being pathetic and needy, or acted like things have changed.

they haven't talked about any of it, and it's making billy nervous.

he's not sure what he thought would happen when he asked steve to hold him, to stay, he wasn't thinking at all, really, so now he's gotta deal with that.

problem is, he hasn't been dealing well. he's been dodging steve's calls. he's been jumpy, freezing up when steve comes anywhere near him.

which, he's come to notice, he does a lot. always sitting next to billy when they hang out in groups, always brushing past a little closer than necessary when he slips by him to leave the room.

and now. steve's insinuated himself into billy's evening, showing up unannounced with beer and a blindingly cheerful grin, sitting next thigh-to-thigh on the lumpy love-seat. and. billy's grinding his teeth. pretending to pay attention to the tv and not steve's warm leg pressed to his knee.

touching steve has always been a special kind of glorious agony, but now. now it's all that and week-old memories of soft lips brushing his forehead, remembering what it was like to wake up in his arms, feeling dizzy with warmth and want and...

steve's knee shifts, presses firmer against his, and billy can't take it anymore.

"alright, that's it!" he's on his feet, fists balled at his side, steve blinking up at him with his big dumb precious doe-eyes, and he trembles like an indignant cat. "the hell is up with you, harrington?" he snaps, pointing an accusing finger.

steve stares at him, mouth agape. "...um. nothing?" his cheeks are pink, and billy wants so badly to kiss him 'til he blushes everywhere.

he swallows hard, and crosses his arms. "c'mon, man, don't lie to me. it's been a week—" his voice falters, but he sets his jaw, tilts his chin like a challenge.

when he woke up that night, steve drooling on his shoulder, arm securely around his waist, he panicked. he shoved steve off of him, and they spent the next twenty minutes in tense, awkward silence while billy cleaned up and ignored steve. steve, who stayed, ordered a pizza, payed for it, and then left without eating a single slice.

and then.

nothing.

for a goddamn week. hanging out like nothing happened.

"i—" steve chokes on air, breaking eye-contact. "i mean. i didn't think you—" he's sinking in on himself, retreating into the couch, his gaze wandering the room listlessly. billy would feel bad if he wasn't so amped up on nervous energy, thrumming with adrenaline, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "i'm sorry."

billy blinks. "you're sorry."

"yeah?" steve glances at him, but only for a second before he ducks his head. he picks at his nails, frowning at his own hands in his lap. "i...i can go, i...sorry if i made things weird."

"if you...made things...weird," billy repeats, slowly. like it'll make any more sense coming from his own mouth.

it doesn't.

he deflates a little. steve looks up at him, expression pinched, bemused.

"are you just gonna repeat everything i say, or...?"

"harrington, i swear to god," billy grits out, "start making sense, or fuck off."

at least billy understands what's happening when guys sneer and leave after they find out the only dick they'll ever get from him is made of silicone. this clusterfuck is just...hurting his brain.

steve opens and closes his mouth soundlessly. "um..." he runs a restless hand through his hair. "i thought...you know...i got a little too, um. affectionate. last week. and you seemed so freaked out when you woke up, i...figured we could just, like, move on. act like nothing happened. 'cause it'd be easier?"

"what."

"but clearly that wasn't it—" he cuts himself off, and sags, groaning, head falling into his hands. "shit, i'm an idiot. billy, i'm so dumb, i'm so sorry. you were worried about how i'd react to. um." he pauses. gestures towards billy's crotch. "right?"

billy flushes. "i wasn't—can you stop pointing at it, jesus christ. i wasn't worried. i was just..." he trails off and bites his lip. shifts his weight around awkwardly. he's usually so much better at thinking on his feet, but fucking hell is he so off-balance right now. too thrown off to even come up with a little white lie.

steve drops his hand, looking sheepish. "look, i...you never said anything, so i didn't mention it either. i'm not...it isn't any of my business if you don't want it to be."

"...do you want it to be?" billy's heart is in his mouth as he says it, pulse stuttering, tripping over itself.

"i—" steve's eyes widen. they stare at each other for a beat. the moment stretches, the drone of the tv in the background the only noise in the apartment. "are you asking what i think you're asking? because i don't want to assume and—" he trails off with a strangled noise when billy steps forward and climbs into his lap.

he's barely touching him, knees brushing his hips, sitting mid-thigh, keeping his hands to himself. but it still feels...intimate. steve's gaze heavy on him, inches away. knowing that if he put his hand on steve's chest he'd feel his heart racing.

"i'm asking," billy says quietly.

he sees this kiss coming and yet he still doesn't expect it. doesn't expect to be touched so softly, his face cradled like something precious. doesn't expect the way his stomach swoops, heart clenching, tense for a second before something warm blooms in his chest.

when he curls his fingers into the front of steve's shirt he does, in fact, feel his heart racing.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #trans billy hargrove #a raven's writing desk

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newsagogos · 4 years ago

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*chanting* stereo-types stereo-types stereo-types! how did they meet?? any cool tidbits on the other 2 members? did they ever collab with anyone :O

The stereo-types!! In the Zone’s top 10 bands, that of course since there’s only consistently 10 bands that stay together for longer than a month or so at a time, for creative differences and/or occupational hazards reasons.

They meet as any respectable band members meet; bargaining and subsequently getting kicked out from tcm’s. Of course, the power of complaining together pierces through the veil of death and saves the day. Usually. But in this case it forms you a fun little band. Well not right away, first one member must own a jeep -Witch knows how it’s running- with his sibling and must offer you both a ride to wherever you were going.

On the drive to the location route guano decided to take them to, it was particularly fond of the zone 5 sailing stones and none of them were really going anywhere particular to begin with, so no complaints on that part, they could not have ignored the elephant in the room: Pome’s bass that ey was clutching as if it was gonna sprout legs and run away and P.V.C’s guitar leaning against half a drum kit and some amps - said their sibling fixes them up for other bands to use.

One hefty argument later over if Richard Ai Yai Yai’s music could kill a drac -jury’s still out on this one, they all gather that the other parties enjoy making noise as much as they do. So they decided what the hell since they’re all crewless currently, why not try, it could be fun. So they made their way to another tcm front to bargain for half a drum kit to complete the set, having sent P.V.C’s sibling since she’s the only one who has not been banned from tcm today, day’s still young though.

And that’s basically how it happened, if one of them tells you some elaborate story involving a scarecrow, a rubber chicken and one duct tape roll, the girl’s just messing with you. She likes to see how many ridiculous things she can say before people call her out on it, she hasn’t figured out that limit yet, her reputation sure is something.

PomeGrenade! Sometimes Pome, sometimes PG rarely Grenade depending on who ey’s talking to anyway.

Much like the girl, is a wanderer, cannot and will not stay in one place for too long. Ey’s restlessness leads to recklessness most of the time and it lost em more than one crew, both literally and in a ‘don’t show your face around here again’ way. Ey’s the lead singer, not because eir voice is great but mostly cause ey loves the screaming and is the most willing to do the singing part. Can play both the bass and guitar. Loves to use the instruments in the most untraditional ways, if it can make noises and good vibrations then it’s good enough for em

P.V.C! tell you a secret, it stands for absolutely nothing, but they like to say something different each time, pirates vs cowboys? Piranha van crater? Whatever 3 words come to him on the spot. Speaking of words, he’s the lyricist of the group. I mean they all contribute and zone songs don’t really need words much but he’s good in that department. Also the one with the best voice but they’re not a big fan of singing. Is the designated driver, is an extremely shit driver, will not let anyone drive.

As mentioned above, they have a sibling. At the time they met the other two they’d only met 3 months ago, but hey who’s counting? Their sibling ends up being the techie/manager but is as much part of the band as anyone else. The girl and PG did not know her name until 2 months in, they were too embarrassed to ask about it after so long. Highly entertaining to watch what kind of elaborate nicknames they can come up with.

They collaborated with a short lived band once, the Pencil Chollas. The band broke up soon over some relationship drama. Something about hedgehog and foxtail getting together behind cottontop’s back and then hedge’s involvement with pinyon pine who was also with cottontop and juniper it was a whole mess i doubt anyone really knows what happened.

#well this became wordy no typos but i'm not rereading #tysm for the question<3 #top 10 joy moments is forgetting her own oc's pronouns and going to the post to figure them out #you know what #danger days #the stereo-types #asks #anon #:)<3

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yakultberry · 4 years ago

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daffodils in winter (1); l.jh

✪ summary: in ancient times, only two lovers were able to sway hades into granting them a second chance at life together. even so, a single look back doomed their love story to inevitably remain a tragedy. but is fate truly set in stone or are we able to mold it with our own hands? ✪ pairing: orpheus!jihoon x eurydice!reader ✪ genre(s): angst, fluff, reincarnation au, modern greek mythology au, just,,,, a lot of pining ✪ word count: 3.2k words

✪ a/n: surprise @custardheart!! i’m your cwc secret santa! c: <33 i had so much fun trying to not to make it obvious that it was me HAHAH i even told you my dog’s nickname in case you had seen him before. i always love our conversations hahah it feels like we could just talk for hours and hours, especially since we have so much in common hehehe you are literally one of the sweetest people i know on cwc and i’m so glad to call you my friend!!

anyway, this took me so long and it’s not even complete 😔 i really wanted to try making a fic that caters to you and all the things you like reading so i just tried throwing it all in there LOL also peep the banner bc i tried to imitate your blog aesthetic too (which i LOVE by the way). since i didn’t want to leave you empty-handed or for you to think i forgot about you while i complete this fic, i decided to just release it in parts adkjsfals hopefully that’s ok!!

merry christmas and happy new year, taylor!! I LOVE YOUUU 🥺💖

It was nearly 10pm but the night was as lively as ever with people bustling and weaving along like the small stream that flowed through the middle of the stone-paved walkway. They strolled down the worn path on which thousands of footsteps had passed before them, their breaths lingering in the December air as they laughed together and whispered soft wishes. The harsh bite of winter never deterred couples from coming out to the walkway; in fact, many lovers used the cold as an excuse to clasp each other’s hands tighter, to press their warm bodies closer together. Even on the harshest nights, the walkway welcomed a handful of couples who would stay until the early hours of the morning.

This could, in part, be attributed to the walkway itself, or rather what could be found on the walkway. Anyone who stepped along the trodden path would soon find the walkway’s source of life and warmth: a flower stand. Now there were many walkways with flower stands, some even host more than one stand, but none ever seen like this. Even in the middle of winter, the humble stand teemed as though it were early spring with its variety of soft pink tulips, vibrantly purple violas, dainty white snowdrops, and daffodils so yellow they nearly glowed. Each flower was in almost unnaturally pristine condition-- there was never one droopy petal or dried up leaf. Rumor stated that if you bought a bouquet for your significant other, your relationship would surely last a lifetime, outlasting the winters that you might endure.

Jihoon, of course, knew that this was all a very elaborate marketing scheme to lure out crowds of hopeful couples. While he didn’t have a green thumb himself, he figured that technology must have advanced enough to allow for such beautiful flowers to exist despite the cold, but he wasn’t all too invested in finding out the how’s and what-for’s of the small stand. As long as it brought out the crowds, Jihoon couldn’t care less if the stand scammed naive romantics into throwing away their money for some flimsy symbol of everlasting love. What mattered to him was finding an audience, and he knew, without doubt, that he would find one here. He could already feel the lingering eyes of passersby as he arranged his amp and microphone, filling him with a bubbling anticipation that made his fingers itch for his guitar.

Despite the tattered appearance of the case, the guitar within seemed to be lined with gold along its edges, gleaming fantastically under the light of a street lamp. Upon closer inspection however, it was apparent that the instrument was well-worn with its own array of scuffs and scratches along the neck and body from its many years of performance. The guitar fit into Jihoon’s hands as if it were molded to be held by him, and he smiled to himself as he strummed each string to check for tuning. Just like that, he felt home.

“Do you always have to set up so close to me?” At the sound of your voice, Jihoon felt his grin widen, and he immediately looked up to make sure that you saw it in all its smug, cheeky glory. You stood to the side with a pair of stem clippers in hand, which he might have found intimidating had you not been holding a daffodil in the other. The endearing smile that itched at the corners of your lips didn’t do much to scare him either.

“This is where all the foot traffic is, so yes,” he mused teasingly. He then pointed to the flower in your hand. “I see you’re getting ready to shower me in flowers after my performance. People usually throw roses though, you know.”

“Okay, just don’t let it get of hand this time,” you said over your shoulder, already turning back to return to your flower stand. He didn’t dare look away, because on your third step back, you always twirled to face him for a moment to flash your unfaltering smile at him, which he mirrored.“The whole neighborhood must have thought you were having a concert with all the people that came out.”

“That wasn’t my fault!” he called after you, but you had already returned to your post, greeting several new customers who looked at your bouquets with awe and wonder.

As you began to gather flowers for a couple’s request, you could hear Jihoon finally open his set with a healing, energetic tune that had the small crowd clapping along to the beat. The first time he had come out to the walkway, it had shocked you how the first note he strummed had immediately taken a hold of you, how it had somehow melted your concentrated frown into a smile with ease. It had been the end of a long day and you were ready to close up shop when a boy had set up for a busking session nearby. Although he only brought one small amp, you felt each note resonate in your chest, and felt the music brush your skin as though it hung in the air like a mist. Suddenly, thoughts of your stressful day had dissipated, dissolved by the boy’s guitar and clear, pure voice. It was unlike anything you felt before.

And yet, it was so easy for you to give in to the enchanting sensation, falling into its embrace like you were reunited friends.

Now you anticipated the way the melody gently tugged your lips into a smile and how your heart beat seemed to fall into rhythm with each chord. You knew you weren’t the only one so strongly moved by the music though. The customers you were currently tending to, a young couple new to the walkway, had immediately turned their heads towards Jihoon as he continued his set with another lighthearted tune about confessing and butterflies. Their sparkling eyes told you that you weren’t the only one moved by Jihoon’s music, and you couldn’t help but notice how they subconsciously reached for each other’s hands, fingers intertwining fondly. Much to your concern, a wistful sigh escapes your lips at the sight. Your eyebrows furrowed as you felt a dull ache blanket over your chest.

You tried shaking your head to rid yourself of the feeling, rushing to finish wrapping up the flowers in brown paper and string. “Your bouquet is ready!” you said much louder than intended, snapping the couple from their daze. Both blinked in surprise at their clasped hands as if just realizing how close they’d gotten, and you bit back a giggle when they could no longer meet each other’s eyes. Much like many of your other customers on the nights that Jihoon busked, they immediately joined his audience after paying, unable to get enough of his sweet voice. You stared after them for a bit, feeling somewhat intrusive as they overcame their initial hesitance and held hands once more. And suddenly it was there again: this time it felt more restless like you were waiting, but for what, you didn’t know.

It wasn’t the first time you felt this way. In fact, every time it creeped up on you like this, it frightened you how it settled in the pit of your stomach so effortlessly as if it had made a home there, deep inside you. It made you feel like you had been waiting for tens of thousands of lifetimes. Like you had been waiting so long that you forgot what you were waiting for.

At this point, you weren’t sure if you wanted to remember.

Throughout your life, the weight in your chest had made itself known only a handful of times, usually in quiet moments when the dark felt like it could swallow you up. It was the reason why you took refuge in the bright hustle and bustle of the walkway and why you lingered if only to be surrounded by your flowers. But now, it followed you even in the middle of a crowd, in the midst of the music.

“Hi! Could I get some roses?” The voice of a new customer finally tugged your attention from the couple, allowing for the pressure in your chest to dissolve for the moment.

“Of course you can, sir,” you chirped, relieved for the distraction. “What color? Would you like a bouquet?”

The customer, who stood alone, seemed to wiggle in thought. “Red, I guess! Don’t worry about wrapping them up! I’ll just take them as is, since I’ll be throwing them to that busker over there.”

“Oh! Wow, he must have made a real fan out of you, sir.”

At your statement, he let out a chuckle. “Oh, for sure. I wish he chose a warmer venue though.I guess that can’t be helped,” he said, giving you a meaningful nod, eyes gleaming as they always seemed to. You were taken aback by the sudden realization: You’ve met him before.

“Right,” you replied absentmindedly, forcing yourself to focus on gathering the last of your customer’s order in an attempt to mask your bewilderment. You were positive that you had never seen this man’s face in your life, yet you were struck with the insistence that not only did you know him, but that he knew you too. He was there, somewhere in your memory. But the closer you tried to get, the further you seemed to step into a murky fog; was it a far away memory or was it just a dream? Chancing a glance at him only served to fluster you even further, especially with the way his smile made you feel as though he could sense your inner bewilderment. You cleared your throat and timidly returned his smile as you handed him his roses. “Anyway uh-- here is your order, sir! He’s about to play the last of his set, so you should probably get over there. Hopefully he likes them!”

“Oh, I’m sure he will love them,” the customer grinned, placing cash in place of the flowers. “Well, I’ll see you around!”

And with a quick wink, he made his way to join Jihoon’s audience, and once more, you were left to deal with your thoughts on your own. What was it with the customers and launching you into emotional reveries tonight? You decided that that was a good excuse as any to close up shop for the night; you weren’t sure that you’d be able to handle another bout of deja vu or inexplicable longing. Plus you wanted to properly watch Jihoon’s last song, as you always did. You glanced over at him as you cleaned up, but you were quick to avert your gaze when he suddenly met your eyes and offered you a wide grin.

As much as you enjoyed his music, you couldn’t ignore how his appearance in your life coincided with these recurring feelings. It was perplexing how it seemed that with one strum of his guitar, he somehow brought you both comfort and simmering unease. But if you were being honest, you couldn’t say you hated it. You knew that if you asked him to set up a little more upstream, your flower stand would undoubtedly become your haven once more. It was an easy fix. Simple. But even when his weekly busks frequented to every other day, you only found yourself clutching tighter to that moment of elation when he began a performance.

When you stood there and listened to him play, you had a growing certainty that you would go through any length of suffering if it meant you could keep that moment.

Jihoon was barely able to sing his last note when the crowd drowned him out with applause and, to his surprise, showered him in several roses from the stand. He caught one in his hand, eyes shining with laughter as he immediately searched for your face. Instead of finding you though, he caught sight of someone that wiped the smile from his lips. Before he could so much as curse under his breath, the man took hold of his microphone and addressed the audience.

“Bravo, bravo! Ladies and gentlemen, please give another round of applause for Woozi, Olympic Entertainment’s feature producer! Woo!” the man boomed a little too close to the mic. “Olympic Entertainment sincerely thanks you for all of your love and support from this past year. We hope that you can continue supporting us and listening to Woozi’s ballads in this upcoming year. Please be on the lookout for his new single that we will be releasing on New Year’s Day!”

As the crowd erupted into murmurs and whispers, the man turned to beam at Jihoon, who replied with a stare as cold as the wind. “Soonyoung, what are you doing here?”

“The boss wants you to stop screwing around and get back to the studio,” Soonyoung said with a shrug.

“I’m not screwing around! You know damn well why I came out here--”

“Hey, those were his words not mine-- I’m just delivering them.” Jihoon tensed when he felt Soonyoung’s hand on his shoulder, having half a mind to shrug it off. He knew though, that Soonyoung had little choice when it came to the boss’ word, and neither did he. There was no use in taking out his frustrations on his friend, especially when the damage was already done. “You know that I would never have taken it that far if I didn’t have to.”

Jihoon sighed, nodding. “I know. I’ll just see you tomorrow.”

The crowd gradually dispersed as Jihoon packed away all of his equipment, and suddenly, he felt the full force of winter without the warmth of the crowd shielding him. He hadn’t expected that it would be so cold. After his previous busk sessions, several people in the audience would stay a while longer and approach him, usually to make conversation about his music or to simply thank him for the performance. Now they kept their distance, looking his way discreetly while they whispered about who he really was like he couldn’t hear them. Jihoon scoffed and slammed his guitar case shut, numb fingers fumbling at the clasps.

“Are you okay?” He didn’t have to look up to know that it was you.

“I’m fine,” he huffed out, jaw clenched. When you didn’t make any move to leave, he gave in and looked at you, a grave mistake on his part. At the sight of your sympathetic smile, he sat back down on the bench; there was no use struggling to put up a front when you seemed to see right through it anyway. You sat on the opposite end of the bench, facing him to show that you were there to listen. After all those times he came here, this was probably the closest you’d ever gotten to him, and yet Jihoon found himself wishing you had sat closer. “Well, I’ve been better.”

“I’m sorry that I sold that guy those flowers. If I had known that he was going to do that, I--”

“No, that was all on me,” Jihoon said quickly, unable to let you apologize any further when you were merely doing your job. “You probably think I just came here for some promotional stunt.”

“I mean I didn’t, but now that you mention it…” Without knowing it, Jihoon let out a chuckle at your teasing. “Even if it was for promotions, I don’t think anyone here would mind. Plenty of people busk to promote themselves. I don’t think that makes their songs any less genuine.”

He shook his head, the sigh that left his lips hanging in the air for a moment. “I mind. I love my job and everything, but I really needed a break from all that extra stuff. I came here because I knew it would just be about the music. No one had stopped to listen because it was my music or if it was a Woozi production or whatever. They only listened because they liked it. Now I won’t know if that’s actually the case.”

“I don’t see why they can’t enjoy your music while knowing who you are,” you said, eyebrows scrunched together, and Jihoon watched as you rested the side of your head against the back of the bench. Have your eyes always been this captivating? You dropped your voice to a stage whisper. “Is that your secret? Is your music magical only for those who don’t know your true identity?”

“Something like that. Isn’t my music a bit more impressive if I’m just a regular person and not a professional producer?” Jihoon laughed. “I mean, imagine if people knew the secret behind how you grow your flowers in the winter. Don’t you think they’d be less inclined to buy them?”

You snorted. “I don’t have a secret, though?”

“Oh come on, you literally sell springtime flowers in the winter! You must get them imported or have some kind of fancy greenhouse.”

“I literally can’t even rent a space to sell my flowers indoors. I can’t afford any of that! They’re just flowers that I’ve grown in my garden. I tell people how I grow my flowers all the time and it doesn’t change anything. It still means something to them,” you said insistently. And then, softer, “Just like how knowing you’re some big shot producer doesn’t change the fact that I’ve never heard music like yours before.”

Jihoon swallowed, wanting more than ever to close the distance between the two of you. It was a gravity that he felt ever since his first performance, something he had originally attributed to the walkway and how perfect it was for his busks. As he sat here beside you though, the force seemed to tug at his chest almost painfully until it was aching. With his hands clenched, he tore his gaze away from you, unsure of what he was going to say next. His thoughts were fuzzy, like a static television screen going in and out of focus, and the only image he could make out was you. Or at least he hoped that it was you.

“By the way, ballads? I’ve only ever heard you play happy songs.”

“This was the only place I could play them,” Jihoon replied quietly. When his eyes met with yours, he was taken aback by how much he meant it; even if he tried to play these songs in the studio, he was certain that it wouldn’t be the same at all. Forcing a smile, he finally met your eyes again. “It was nice while it lasted.”

“Wait, are you not… are you not going to come back anymore?”

“I don’t think I should. There wouldn’t be any point, right? Since people know who I am now.”

“Oh.” I still don’t know who you are. This time, you were the one to turn away from him, a small frown on your lips. A harsh wind came in then, ruthlessly rustling the bare branches of trees and lifting loose petals from the ground around your stand. They swirled in the air wildly for several moments before raining down on where you and Jihoon sat in silence. Seeing how he shivered, you took the scarf off your neck and wrapped it around his own. “Here take this.”

“W-what about you?” When he moved to return the item, you shook your head and smiled.

“I’m used to the cold.”

#caratwritersclub #seventeen #seventeen scenarios #woozi #woozi scenarios #lee jihoon #jihoon scenarios #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #cwc secret santa #I"M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

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sammy9links · 2 years ago

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FULL ALBUM: J.I The Prince Of N.Y - Young & Restless Vol 1. Baby Don

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t-lostinworlds · 5 years ago

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All Too Real (Tom Holland)

A/N: Well, this was longer than expected. I’ve had this idea in a while, and it feels great to finally do something about it aha. Also, I’m not going to tag my permanent taglist here since most of the people who are in there are for Shawn. BUT with that being said, tell me if you want to be added to a permanent taglist for Tom fics only or both Tom and Shawn. Am I making sense? Prolly not lmao but yeah. hope you guys enjoy this one!

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Summary: You were meant to be acting, but the scene just hits too close to home that you've managed to say the wrong name, then everything just felt all too real.

Warnings: A bit of Angst and my usual typos

Word Count: 9.7k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

You didn't know who your leading man was until the very last minute, making it impossible to back out now.

Not only that, but you'd be risking a big opportunity if you decided not to take the part, the lead role to be exact. This was a big movie with big, well-known directors and it will guarantee to boost your career to the next level being that you're just starting off as an actress. This was your moment and you weren't going to jeopardize that just because of a personal reason. Plus, contractually, there was no turning back.

The movie was a mixture of crime, action, drama and romance, and it was already a given in the script that you'd be playing across a leading man.

You just had no idea it was going to be him.

Production starts tomorrow and you just found out that you're in a movie with non-other than Mr. Tom Holland himself.

Spider-Man to the world, ex-boyfriend in yours.

It was not public knowledge that you two used to be together. A very impressive thing being that your relationship lasted for about two years, yet not a single word got out. Nobody knew about you two except your closest friends and family, and both of you were happy to keep it that way for as long as you can until you both were ready to share your relationship with the world. But things happened and you didn't get a chance to do so.

You met Tom on the set of Captain America: Civil War. You were just a mere extra at that time as you were still trying to find your footing in the industry. He, on the other hand, had just finished his screen test with Chris Evans as he solely told you.

It was lunch time when this cute boy wearing this, almost a crossover between the Spider-Man costume and pajamas, went up behind you to grab some food.

You two talked for a little bit, asking about what you're doing here and all that jazz, until he charmed his way into asking for your number. And everything just kicked off from there really.

It was blissful while it lasted, the both of you, young and so in love. Nothing but pure happiness and adoration as your relationship took its course and blossomed into this wonderful thing. It was almost like a fairytale how lovely it was. So beautiful to see the joy in the two of you, even with those sweet little moments that you shared. That until the success of his first solo film as Spider-Man.

Him shooting the movie brought no problems at all as you were there to support him through and through. Hell, not even during the press junket where he's always traveling, that didn't cause any strain between your relationship as you've managed to make it work. But once the numbers started rolling in and the attention got bigger, that's where you got left behind.

You were still finding your way as an actress but you didn't seem to get the same amount of support from him as he did from you as time went by. He did at the start of course, he was your number one fan, but once he found his big break, you just got pushed to the side.

Somehow, in some odd way, a switch was flipped. He became distant, almost cold all of the sudden.

It was almost like he became too good for you in a way. Other people made you feel like you were nothing to him, that you weren't on his level and that took its toll on you. But the most hurtful part was that he didn't even bother to reassure you that, that wasn't the case at all.

There was this constant battle in your brain as you tried to reassure your own self with your relationship with him. That this was just nothing, that he was just busy, and that he loves you still. But clubbing out with friends most of the time doesn't really qualify as being busy now does it?

The logical part of you just keeps nagging that it was over. That there was nothing to hold on to, even if you hopefully wished there was something still there, that you can still save this relationship.

But no, it was all gone.

He broke up with you some time later. He said he wanted to enjoy life without worrying about anything, without worrying about you. He wants to enjoy his new found life while being single, in other words.

He was basically saying that you were holding him back, and to be honest? He was probably right. He made you feel that he was right.

The break up wasn't sunshine and butterflies at all. Voices were raised, words were thrown, and everything just burst into flames. When he shut the door and left, everything just turned to ashes, the remains of your heart along with your relationship. It was dark, cold and just painful to the point that you've lost yourself after that.

You took all the blame. All of it.

For months on end you kept telling yourself that if you were just good enough, if you were successful enough, then maybe he wouldn't have left you. You kept beating yourself up for something he has done and that never is healthy, telling yourself that it's your fault when in fact, it wasn't.

It took a lot of will-power to snap out of it, being that you are the most critical about yourself. But you've managed to push through, worked harder than ever before to get yourself out there and to make a name for yourself.

And here you are, about to star as the lead role of a big film.

You are far better than you were a year ago, definitely. But have you fully healed? No.

Distracting is not healing.

You kept yourself busy with your career and it has help you to not ever confront your pain. It was always shoved aside as you paid it no mind. You even avoided anything about him for that matter, in hopes that you wouldn't be reminded of that certain hurt that only he has caused. You've just been running away from it, running away from the demons of your past.

But now, there was nowhere to run.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier Y/N. I just got scared that you might turn the role down if you found out he was going to be in it too and it's just a big opportunity and I can't live with myself if I had let it slipped away from you." Your manager rushed her words on the other side of the call, the concern in her voice clear because she knows. She knows what you went through with Tom.

"No it's okay Jeanne. I understand why you did it and I really thank you for that. Another thing I owe to you." You stated truthfully. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't have had that extra push that you needed to get you where you are today. And you were glad you've found someone who only has her best intentions when it came to you and your career.

"I–uhm, am I shooting scenes with him tomorrow too?" You added as a whisper, despite the fact that you were alone in your hotel room at the moment. Scared that if you'd say it any louder, the pain in your chest would only grow deeper and sharper.

"Yes, he is going to be there tomorrow." She answered, empathy laced in her tone and you can just picture the frown she has on her face.

You bit your bottom lip as you stared up at the ceiling. This is going to be a hard movie to shoot that's for sure. But you're a professional; you can just brush it off like it's nothing. "Okay, yeah, okay. I'll see you tomorrow Jeanne." You breathed out.

"Get some rest hun. You've got this." And with that you ended the call, your whole body flopping down on your bed as you let out a frustrated groan.

The universe truly does have its ways in making you face the person who you have been avoiding—so successfully so far—in order to spare yourself the heartache.

With one last sigh, you pulled the covers over your body, waiting for sleep to take over so that you can have a much needed rest.

It was going to be a long day tomorrow after all.

* * *

Two hours was all you got.

Two hours of sleep as you lay restless in your bed just thinking about all the millions of possibilities on what could happen once you see him again for the first time after a year.

No matter how hard you tried to shut him out of your thoughts, he still managed to invade it even after all this time. The past was haunting you, he was haunting you and it was like you were back to that night again.

You feel so disappointed in yourself as you found your way back to old ways, crying about a boy who doesn't even give a single damn about you.

It took all the courage and strength in your body to leave the bed in the morning. A struggle to say the least until you slapped some sense into yourself and finally made your way to set.

You just arrived in the nick of time. It wouldn't be ideal to arrive late on the first day of shooting as you wanted to let them see that you are a respectful and respectable actress, so managing to be just on time, it was a great start of your day.

Even more so when you felt the hot cup of coffee warming up your fingers as you held it in your hands. The smell of freshly roasted coffee beans enough to boost your energy, especially with so minimal sleep.

There was no sign of him so far, and you were thankful to at least have time to breathe and just relax. No matter how little that time may be, you will definitely take it.

You've already met the Russo brothers who were both sweet and kind, both expressing their excitement to start the project that they've been so amped up to do.

After the casual chats, introductions and greetings, a young lady then guided you to where the trailers are going to be parked. Opting out of her offer to take you right at the door as you solely can manage yourself. But you also wanted some time to take in everything that you've seen so far because it was a big and amazing set, and just to take a moment to ground yourself in a way. Somewhat grasp every bit of alone time as you wouldn't have one until the end of the shoot, which was going to be later in the night.

You were on your way there when you suddenly heard something running after you, the sound of the pebbles rustling about growing nearer and nearer which was then followed by a loud bark. Surely enough when you turned around, you saw the prettiest dog, hurdling towards you with a wide smile on her face. That cute face that you'll always recognize from a mile away.

"Tessa?" You grinned wide as you squatted down to greet her, expecting a subtle encounter but no, she full on jumped on you making you fall flat on your bum. Genuine laughter erupted out of you as you tried to keep yourself sitting upright, all while making sure not to spill your coffee. You were sat cross-legged on rocks now but you didn't care, too preoccupied with the love Tessa was smothering you.

"Hi angel! How are you my love? You good? Healthy? Happy?" You gushed in a small voice, giggling when she covered your face in kisses, you not minding by one bit as you rubbed her belly in return.

You were too engrossed with Tessa that you didn't even notice that someone was already standing there, just watching, not until you heard your name.

"Y/N..."

You didn't have to look up to know who it was.

Having heard your name slip out of those lips countless of times, all on so many different occasions, there was no need for you to see who that voice belonged to.

It wasn't even above a whisper, but you heard it, the sound of longing etched in his voice, that certain tone that you've heard endlessly but only... only whenever he misses you.

And you wanted nothing more than to curse him out because how dare he? How dare he act like he cares when he didn't show any of that—not even in the slightest—that night he left you?

You were already filled with so many emotions and that's only from hearing his voice, you haven't even looked up to fully see him yet.

"Tom." You sighed, giving the back of Tessa's ear one last scratch before standing up fully, patting your jeans clean before gathering up the strength to finally look up at him in the eyes.

The way your heart stopped for a full second and then beat again but with twice the pace, never have you felt that in your life.

You stood frozen as you stared right into them, those brown orbs that once felt like home, but now only brings nothing but pain. And the way he was looking at you so longingly, it only added anger in the mix.

"Hi."

Tom knew he fucked up.

He knows how bad he screwed things up. He was fully aware of how much he's lost and how much of an idiot he is for being the reason of that in the first place.

You were finally standing right in front of him, in the flesh, in all your gorgeous glory, and Tom was at a loss for words.

He was talking to the Russos when Tessa suddenly bolted full speed. Not having familiar with the set yet, Tom was quick to run after her in fear that she might get lost, but he ended up finding her with a sight that was heartwarming yet heartbreaking at the same time.

He heard your laugh first. That familiar and beautiful sound enabling his heart to beat rapidly against his chest, even more so when he saw you sat on the ground with Tessa, nothing but pure joy and love radiating off of his princess, and the love that he once had.

The sight was beautiful, so endearing and it warmed him up inside, but it also reminded him of what it once was.

God he was a fucking idiot.

"Long time no see." Your voice snapped him back to senses, a soft blush coating his cheeks because he doesn't know how long he's been staring at you, but by the gods above you look absolutely breathtaking. Even in just casual jeans and a sweater.

"Yeah, it's great to finally see you again. You look beautiful." Tom breathed out, the last sentence escaping his mouth before he could even stop himself.

Tom might have been acting like such a creep but he just feels so happy to see you again. You probably wouldn't even believe him if he told you, not after what he's done, and he can't blame you. But he does, he truly does feel so happy.

"Thanks." You mumbled as you flashed him a smile. Whether it was genuine, Tom wasn't sure, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"How are you?" He asked just as he took a step towards you, but you were quick to take one step back and this made a frown form on his lips. The way you looked away and avoided his gaze, it stung, but Tom also can't say he didn't deserve it.

"I'm good, but uh, I need to get ready so uh—"

"Yes! Yes, of course, don't let me hold you off." Tom chuckled coyly, hand coming up to rub his shoulder, and just like that, the awkwardness in the air only heightened from there. Because after everything that has happened, Tom wasn't sure where he stands in your life anymore. Whether it be a civil friend or just a cast mate at this point.

When the Russos pitched him the idea, it was a no-brainer, Tom wanted to do the project right off the bat. But when he found out who the star of the movie was going to be? Nothing but pure excitement and much pride filled him up to the bones.

He has seen most, if not, all of the movies you've been in. Visiting your social media every now and then to see what you've been up to. It may sound stalker-ish in a sense but it's the only way for him to keep up with how you've been doing. And to see you grow and be the star that you were always meant to be? It was a beautiful thing for sure.

It might not have been as beautiful as experiencing it with you first hand, since he ruined that chance by a long shot, it was still heartwarming to witness—even if it was only via screen.

"Yeah, see you on set." You mumbled, giving him a curt nod before turning your attention back on the dog who was just sitting there, observing, tail on an all-time wag once she's seen that you've finally given her your attention again.

"I'm so happy to see you again angel." You whispered as you crouched back down to give Tessa a sweet kiss on the head, and Tom's heart completely melted at that.

You were there when Tom got Tessa.

He hasn't said it out loud nor broadcasted it in any way, but you became Tessa's mommy in the duration of your relationship. You took care of her while he was away on press or shoots, and he will forever be grateful for that.

Tessa was your baby as much as she is Tom's, and it now just dawned on him that he took her away from you. And Tom felt even more of an asshole than he already was.

You shot him one last look before you turned on your heel, not ever once looking back as you walked towards what Tom would only assume was your trailer.

Tessa was about to follow you but Tom was quick to grab her collar, squatting down to hold her fully to keep her in place because she was for sure putting up a fight. "No Tessa, you stay with me."

The poor pup whined once you were out of sight, looking up at Tom with those eyes emitting a soft sigh out of him. He nodded his head solemnly, giving Tessa's head a soft pat as his eyes slowly landed back on the closed door of your trailer.

"I know love, I missed her so much too."

* * *

Tom was watching from afar, he just couldn't help himself, but he doesn't exactly know which of you is which yet.

All he sees is there are two girls dressed in identical, all black and leather outfits, both have their hoods up with backs turned on him. He knows one of them was you and the other was your stunt double, he just can't seem to differentiate who is who as of the moment.

"Okay now Tom, you already know how the scene goes. The first time Detective Allan Spade, your character, meets Luna. They've known each other before so you are basically going to be surprised that the sweet innocent girl, who's your childhood best friend and then dated up until college was now a well-trained and elite assassin." Joe was the one to interrupt Tom's ogling since Anthony was at your side giving notes too. One of the perks of having two directors on set is that you can speed things up a bit. The set was built quite large so it definitely was a plus.

It was the first scene of the day and they were starting it off with an action sequence, one with cars, explosions, gun shots and the likes. It wasn't the first take for the rest but it was for Tom, being that they perfected some of stunts first, which was mostly done at the end of the set far across from him.

He didn't get to see who was doing which stunt because your character's costume has you covered in almost head to toe, making it impossible to know without having a closer look.

He was very excited though, maybe even too much that his mind sometimes flies off to somewhere—or rather, someone—instead of focusing more with the task at hand.

"Okay, yeah, gotcha." Tom nodded frantically as he cleared his throat. His arms were crossed over his chest as the heat rose up his cheeks once Joe looked at him curiously. "You okay? You seem a bit preoccupied?"

"Just a lil tired but I'm alright." Tom chuckled shyly as he looked down, the director only nodding as he added. "We're going to try and have one fluid shot with this scene so once you see her jump over the hood of your car, you quickly get out to your marker and aim your gun."

Tom hummed with a smile to let Joe know that he's listening attentively. The director gave him one last pat on the shoulder before turning back to the crew.

"Okay places everyone!" And with that, Tom got inside of a car that was hooked up to a wire rigging. It was only going one way but in top speed, so safety first is a must, hence why he isn't allowed to really drive it.

Tom already had his hands on the wheel, his head turning just enough to see a girl or Luna as he would refer—to which he assumed was your stunt double—hooked up to a trust and wires. She stood on top of a car that was situated in the middle of a chaotic road.

The sight was hectic enough with a number of cars littered everywhere—some overturned, some on fire—and a few bodies of supposed police offers sprawled on the pavement. Luna threw her hand up with thumb upturned to signal that she was ready to do the scene.

"Set and action!" And everything then just sprung to life.

Gun shots echoed throughout the space as explosions went off here and there. The car Luna was standing on drove full speed and came to a screeching halt in an attempt to shake her off. But the sudden movement only enabled her to jump off and flip right on time, so smoothly and with much grace. She landed on the ground with a roll, pausing for a second in a crouching position to let the camera capture the moment before she was full on sprinting again.

Tom's grip on the steering wheel tightened as he watched her approach, incredibly fast and nimble, dodging the cars and bullets coming after her with so much ease as if they were whizzing past her in slow motion, all while maintaining such poise in doing so.

With the signal, Tom stepped on the gas pedal hard, perfectly in sync as his car lurched forward in an attempt to catch her off guard, but just as it came right in front of her, she jumped and slid herself over the hood, landing down on the ground crouching.

Before she could even make another move, Tom had already gotten out of his car, the sound of the gun clicking stopping her in her tracks.

"Hands up where I can see them!" Tom growled, gun firm in hand as he slowly approached her, eyebrows furrowed as he glared at the figure right in front of him.

She stood up carefully with both hands held up in surrender, the silence in the air suddenly ringing as she turned around with her head hanging low, covering her face completely. That until she slowly lifted her hood off.

"Woah." Tom sucked in a breath, completely caught off guard as he stared at none other than star of the movie herself, you.

Sure, half of your face was covered with a mask, but he just knows it's you and it really took him utterly by surprise.

Tom genuinely did think your stunt double was doing this scene as the action sequence wasn't in anywhere near easy, but he'd recognize those eyes anywhere.

To say he was thoroughly impressed would be an understatement.

But knowing you for the time that he has, Tom knows how much of a hardworking woman you are. So seeing that you will likely do all of your stunts, it wasn't at all surprising to come and really think about it.

Still, Tom was speechless as he kept staring at you, and it was like there was no acting required as he slowly lowered the gun to see you more. His eyes not seeming to believe that it was you standing in front of him. Perfectly on script.

It felt so new to him seeing you in a different element, seeing you look even more beautiful and extremely sexy with that much tattered, faded leather and straps hugging your body.

You were wearing those long boots that stopped mid-thigh paired with shorts that were ripped on the edges, an almost gothic type of a hooded cloak swaying with the air, making it look even more promising that you can definitely kill. You look like you just came out of an Assassin's Creed video game, but more on the modern side. And instead of swords and knives, you've got guns.

Your eyes on the other hand were on a different level.

They were threatening to say the least. The glare was so intense that Tom actually felt like you were about to hand his ass over to him. Those sweet eyes he's grown to adore was masked by this menacing and dark look and he just keeps getting more impressed as he goes on. He wouldn't want to meet you in this state in an alleyway—or anywhere for that matter—that's for sure.

He definitely hasn't seen you like this before and boy was it making his head spin, and dare he say it, it was making him feel all hot.

You were fully in your badass mode and Tom wasn't sure if he was scared or extremely attracted, or maybe even both at the same time.

"And cut!"

And then you giggled.

Tom has let go of a girl who can definitely do both. As if he wasn't a big enough idiot already.

"Was that good?" Your voice was muffled by the face mask you were wearing, but Tom can just hear that wide smile on your face. You really just had to make him soft by being all cute and sweet again.

Oh you were giving him a whiplash that will surely be the death of him.

"Nailed it! Both of you!"

"Really? And, uh, can I have some water please?" You giggled shyly, only sparing Tom a second of a glance before your eyes was back on a girl who brought you a bottle of water.

This made him frown involuntarily, curios eyes looking at you as a certain pang hits his chest.

She's still mad at you and rightfully so.

Tom ran a hand through his hair with a sigh as his eyes casted itself on the ground. He was starting to go deep in thought as to what he should do to make things clearer for the both of you, but he got interrupted when Anthony approached him to give a few notes and directions for the next part of this scene.

So Tom just shoved his thoughts to the side and decided that when the time is right, you two will get to talk eventually.

* * *

It was the last scene of the day to which you're a little bit relief by. You were pretty much drained to the bone and you can't wait for the day to be over. But with one downside: it's also the scene that you've been dreading the most.

It was a flashback scene of your character and Tom character's falling out. It was sort of the last straw to break her completely that would then be one of the reasons that pushes her to become an assassin right after everything in her life has gone to hell.

It wouldn't have been too much of a big deal if it wasn't near what happened with you and Tom. But the case was, it was almost as identical as the night you and Tom broke up.

What a way of the universe to joke.

There were a couple of different scenarios sure, but the whole idea and vibe of the scene? It was like it was taken from the books of your very own life.

The set was whittled down now, the setting a residential area with an empty street in a cold night. You were out of your costume and in a simple knee-length dress and a denim jacket along with a pair of sneakers. A beanie sat atop your head as your hair fell down your shoulders freely.

It was tough trying to get into the headspace, as this was a heavy scene with so much crying involved, but it doesn't even take too long when all your mind could think of was that night.

"You okay?" Anthony asked as he furrowed his brows at you, concern written on his face as you've managed to look extremely crestfallen.

"Yeah, just getting into the zone." You laughed awkwardly, your heart getting heavier by the minute especially when you caught a glimpse of Tom approaching and then stopping just beside you.

"You've been incredible so far with all the action Y/N. But this scene in particular, I want you to channel all your deep emotions. You character has been through so much, loss of a father, an addict mother, the society looking down at you and then the only person who you trust and love starts to change and turn his back on you." You only nodded at Anthony's direction since your mind was already there. You've already experienced a few of the things your character has, so it wasn't hard to tap into those emotions.

You can feel Tom's stare just burning a hole through the side of your head, but never did you spare him a glance. You aren't sure if you're strong enough to keep your tears at bay. Probably best to just save it for the scene.

"You Tom, you've just gotten popular with the crowd, new friends, and people seem to love you and you only see her as like a hindrance to your joy because she starts asking for your attention. You kinda see her anger at you as her not wanting to see you happy or her being jealous of your success. You've been blinded by a lot of stuff so you become a jerk to her basically." It would be funny to think that Anthony was basically telling Tom to act the way he acted that particular night, but none of you were in the state of mind to find even the smallest humor in the situation at hand.

"Yeah okay, yeah." Tom cleared his throat, the tension in the air getting thicker by the minute that even Joe had to butt in. "Are you two okay? You both look like you've seen a ghost." The older brother asked as he stood beside Anthony.

"Yeah!" Both you and Tom almost squeaked in unison. You can feel the heat rush to your cheeks as you forced a smile. "Never better." You breathed out.

Tom was still staring at you; you can just feel it, and you so wished he would just stop. It wasn't helping your case at all, especially when he's got those messy brows furrowed by the looks of it in the corner of your eye, indicating that he was deep in thought.

"You guys have the freedom to improvise your lines, don't be afraid to stray away from the actual lines on the paper but make sure that you don't necessarily change the scene."

Without further more questions, you were finally ushered to your places. You kept your eyes on the ground while you stood in front of a screen door, hands in the pockets of your jacket as you shifted your weight from one foot to the other.

"Ready and action!"

You grabbed the screen door open as you slowly made your way inside. Different colored lights were flickering around as few people gave you looks because everyone knows you weren't invited to this party. You acted unbothered but your eyes were telling a different story.

Reaching the living room, the couch was where you saw him. He sat comfortably with arms outstretched on the back of the sofa, a girl right closely beside him as they whispered to each other's ear, rather too flirtatiously.

You stood there and watched as she got all too friendly with her hands, trailing up and down his chest as he didn't bother to do anything about it. Tears were welling up your eyes, but you willed yourself to stay focused, even if it wasn't necessarily full on acting as it was quite a familiar sight to see.

And with the cue, Tom looked up to meet your gaze and you held it, just long enough for the camera to pick up. The expression on his face was quick to change as he stood up abruptly. That was your indication to leave, so you turned around and rushed out of the house, the camera following closely behind you.

You were now on an empty street as he ran behind you, the set eerily quiet letting his footsteps echo loudly against the wet pavement. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you kept your head low, holding the tears in since it wasn't time for that yet.

"Wait, just wait a second. It's not what it looks like." Tom rushed as he grabbed your arm, but you shrugged it off and kept on walking, making sure not to take too long of the strides for you not to miss the marker.

"Of course it isn't." You scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

"Just listen to me will you?" He called out in exasperation, but you didn't even bother to turn around and give him a look. "I don't want to listen to you anymore. Just go back and have fun with your so called lady friend." You said dismissively, seeing your mark to be one step more and once you reached it, and he reached his, his voice boomed.

"Why are you being such a bitch?" You stopped in your tracks and slowly turned around to finally face him, a look of absolute hurt written on your face as his only showed nothing but pure frustration.

"I can't do this anymore." You whispered with a shake of your head, blinking away the tears as you looked up at the dark sky.

"Can't do what?" Tom scoffed as he took a step forward but he kept a good distance, eyebrows furrowed in anger with his arms crossed over his chest to seem intimidating, and it was working. You knew it was all acting, but it just looked so believable that it took a sharp swing at your heart.

"This, us, you. I can't deal with you and your stuck up attitude anymore." You gestured between the both of you and then all of him, voice cracking as you willed yourself to keep eye contact. It was so hard to stay in character and balance your emotions at the same time, because the way he was looking at you, was the same way as he did that night he left.

Tom looked away with a sarcastic laugh. "Oh so now I'm stuck up? What did I do wrong this time?" You shook your head in disbelief at his words. "So many things, you're just too blind to see it."

"Then lay them the fuck out!" He snarled with one step forward, eyes boring furiously into yours that it almost made you take a step back. But you kept your ground, glaring at him with the same intensity as you threw your hands up in the air.

"Fine! You want me to lay it out for you? You've changed! Now that you've found your way in life and found a new group of friends suddenly you're too good for me. Suddenly you're mister successful while I'm the trash who follows you around." You barked back, his resolve wavering for a little bit as he grumbled. "You know that's not true."

"But it fucking is! You make me feel like I'm nothing compared to you! I'm your girlfriend but you can't seem to spend even a minute with me since you're out with your new friends a lot. And if you do give me a spare of your time you get mad for no goddamn reason! It's like you don't even want to be near me! Like I'm a disease to you and your new life! You think so highly of yourself now that you act like I'm some low class person as if we didn't grow up together!" The accusation in your voice was clear as day, and the way Tom's jaw clenched to show that you've hit a nerve, it scared you.

"Then maybe you should take the hint to do something better with your boring life so you can stop messing with mine!"

That was when you lost it. Any sense of what's real and what's just an act, you lost it.

"Start doing something with your own goddamn career and life and stop meddling with mine Y/N! I'm so sick of your shit!"

Your brain started to spiral out of control and suddenly you weren't on set anymore, you were back at the apartment, head in your hands as you cried your eyes out, the loud bang of the door slamming shut ringing in your ears.

A single tear ran down your cheek as you stared at him in shock, breath caught in your throat as you felt your whole body tremble. You struggled to form your words, your eyes shutting tight enabling more tears to run down your face as you breathed out. "I have always been there for you. All I ask is for you to be there for me too." It sounded like a plea, soft, desperate but very painful that Tom almost broke character. Almost.

"It's not my obligation to carry your failures for you." He stated with so much venom and ice that you could only nod defeatedly, lips quivering as you held his gaze for one more second before your eyes casted itself on the ground.

"That's not what I meant but fine. I will not be a burden to you anymore." Your voice sounded so small and frail, and it was taking everything in your power not to snap, to just walk away for it to be done. But he just had to have the last word now didn't he?

"So now what you're just going to leave and give up on us?"

You don't know what it was but something in his tone or words triggered you. After a year of bottling it in, months on end of it slowly reaching its boiling point, you finally blew up. You took a step towards him as you gave him a hard shove, the sudden action catching Tom totally off-guard making him stumbled back.

"Yes! Because I'm so fucking done! I'm so done with thinking every single day if I will ever be good enough for you!" You sobbed, the tears free falling down your face but you didn't care as you continued to yell at him.

"I gave you everything that I had! I was there for you day in day out! But you still treated me like shit! You made me feel like I didn't matter to you even in the smallest of ways and that fucking hurt so bad because you mean the whole world to me! You pushed me aside like we didn't went through anything! As if all our memories together was wiped off your brain and that hurts! It hurts to see you look at me like I'm some stranger, like I'm someone you hate so much even if I didn't do anything wrong to you! I've done nothing but love you. I—I loved you so much and all you did was hurt me in return. No matter how hard I tried, it still wasn't enough because you left me! You broke my heart when you said you'd take care of it. After all of your promises you broke all of me Tom!"

Tom froze at the mention of his name.

The anger on his face was quick to dissipate, replaced by a look of nothing but pure guilt. Tom's heart broke completely as he watched you break down in front of him, so vulnerable, so hurt, all because of him. "I–"

"No! You're not getting the last word this time. I've had enough. I am done." Your voice broke at the end of your sentence, turning around hurriedly and ran off shot, leaving Tom standing there frozen and stunned.

You covered your mouth to try and muffle your sobs, attempting to run back to your trailer to escape the prying eyes but Anthony stopped you, hands resting gently on your shoulders as he held you in arms-length. "Y/N, are you okay?" You shook your head no, your tears pouring even more at his question.

"Can I have a minute for some air please?" You stammered, vision blurry with all the tears but you still saw Anthony only nodding, eyebrows knitted in concern. "Go, take all the time that you need."

You breathed out a soft thank you and ran, back to your trailer, slamming your door closed and flipping the lock as you collapsed on the floor.

* * *

It took Tom a minute for everything that has happened to wrap around his head. Your words repeating itself over and over and he wanted nothing more than to beat himself up, black and blue.

He knew he hurt you but he could only just imagine how much, up until he saw your eyes as you looked at him with nothing but pure betrayal.

The pain in them were so real and Tom knew at that moment that you weren't even pretending anymore. You weren't acting but reliving that night again, he can just see it in your eyes. You weren't addressing him as his character, no; you were addressing him as himself, Tom Holland, the guy who broke you to pieces.

Tom should've just scrapped everything and held you. He should've said fuck it to the scene and just pulled you in his arms. But the thought crossed his mind a moment too late.

He stayed in his place completely still before he was snapped out of his state when Joe approached him, the director's face painted with confusion and concern. "Tom what was that? Is there something going on between you two that you're not telling us?"

Tom didn't bother to answer his question as he looked around set, the worry in him increasing when he saw no sign of you. "Where is she?"

"I think she went back to her trailer. Wait where are yo—"

"I'll explain later." Tom called out as he ran out of set. He needed to find you and set things straight. Tom needs to tell you the full truth, tell you what's he's been feeling the past year. He wasn't going to let himself make the same mistake twice.

* * *

Sobs raked your body as you rest your back against the door, knees held to your chest in a curling position. Your eyes burning with your lungs as you cried and cried, because even if you tried to stop, you just couldn't. You couldn't find the will to erase the thought of him leaving you. That image has burned itself in your mind and it hurts, so fucking bad and you just want it to go away.

A whine from the opposite side made you lift your head up from your knees, eyebrows furrowing together once you heard it again, but louder this time. "Tessa?" You sniffled, and she barked in confirmation, scratching at the door in an attempt to get to you. Your frown deepened at the sound of her crying on the other side. She knows fully well when you're upset, and she will do anything to be beside you no matter what. It was such a sweet thing she does. Tessa's been there beside you whenever she finds you crying, she was your comfort buddy, and today, that still hasn't changed.

You stood back up to undo the lock to let her in, ready to have her hugs and kisses because they always make you feel better, but when you pulled it open, you weren't only greeted by her, he was standing right there too.

Before you could even slam the door shut he had already pushed the door wider and made his way inside, shutting it just behind him, and you made sure to step back, putting some much needed distance between you two. Of course he did. Tessa was in his trailer, there was no other way she could've gotten out without his help.

"You are a fucking dickhead for you using Tessa as bait Tom." You growled in pure annoyance, wiping away your tears aggressively as you wrapped your arms around yourself, avoiding his eyes at all costs as you stood right beside the couch where Tessa was laying down, just watching you with attentive eyes. You gave her a soft pat, distracting yourself from the man who stood there.

"I just need to talk to you, and I know you won't open the door if it was me." He was making his way towards you, but you were quick to hold your palm up, stopping him in his tracks and only making it halfway. You couldn't bear to be near him, at least not yet. Tom nodded, staying in his place as a soft sigh left his lips, "Please–"

"There's nothing left to talk about Tom." Your voice was hoarse, tears still falling down your face but not as much as before. "Yes there fucking is." He argued, desperation running through him as he tried his luck, taking another step forward. Tom just wants to be near you, to hold you and he almost shouted in glee when you didn't stop him.

"What do you want from me Tom?" You whispered, willing yourself to look at him, but only for a split second, because you couldn't bear to see his face without bursting into full on sobs again. But still, you saw it, the sadness in his features, and your walls were slowly cracking.

Tom kept inching closer and closer, and he was both relief and scared because it seemed like you weren't putting up a fight anymore, like you've somehow given up.

You were tired, both emotionally and physically, so you didn't bother to take a step back once he grew nearer. You were tired of running, maybe it was time for you to finally face him.

"I just want you to hear me out, please." Tom whispered, shaking hands slowly reaching out to hold your arms, and you let him. You let him touch you, the heat of his palms comforting you in some odd way. He was so close now and you know if you did as much as look up, you'd see nothing but his eyes, so you didn't, you can't yet. You glued your gaze on the ground, just seeing the tips of his shoes almost touching with yours, it was that close.

"You had time before to reach out Tom. Why now?" Your voice was low but broken, a question that's been in the back of your head the moment he set foot inside your trailer. "Because you looked happier and I didn't want to ruin it. I thought that you were better off without me."

You let out a sarcastic laugh, probably making you look like a complete lunatic with the tears covering your cheeks but you didn't care. Of course you look happy on screen. You had to. To fool the world and yourself, but it was always a lie, what you've shown online was just a glimpse of your life, not the full truth. "Well, clearly, I wasn't. Aren't you?"

"Fuck no. I wasn't happy without you. I know you probably won't believe me but I wasn't Y/N. I will never be better off without you." You only sniffled, still shaking your head, still not believing his words and Tom can't blame you. But he needs you to hear what he has to say, so when you stayed quiet, Tom took this opportunity to just let out what he's been holding in for how many months now.

"Darling I'm sorry, for everything that I've ever done and said to you. Fuck I know sorry doesn't even cut it but I am, I truly am sorry for hurting you my love." You let out a soft whimper at the nickname, eyes shutting tight as you shook your head at him. "Tom please don't–"

"No, no, I need you to hear this Y/N." Tom's hand went up to brush a hair behind your ear, then coming down to hold your chin up for you to look at him. It already hurts him so much just seeing you cry, and it stabbed his heart repeatedly just staring back at your pain filled eyes, the glow in them snuffed out and replaced by this broken soul.

Tom took one shaky breath before continuing. "What I did was horrible, and I know that it won't be easy for you to forgive me, and I understand if you won't ever. Hell I can't even forgive myself for what I did. I was stupid, fucking stupid for hurting you like that. I was a completely idiot for leaving you. You didn't deserve the way I treated you. You didn't deserve to get hurt like that at all. If could go back in time and take everything I said back, I would. The things that I've said, I didn't mean them, truly. I was so blinded, I was angry and got carried away, but still that's not an excuse. What I said was not okay, and it will never be. And I truly am sorry darling, I truly am."

Tom's voice broke at the end of his sentence, his heart clenching as he tried his best not to cry. He couldn't bear the thought of hurting you like that, it pains him just thinking about what he's put you through. The sheer amount of guilt and heartbreak was swallowing him whole and fast. Then there was also anger. He was so angry at himself for doing that to you, but what's done is done. The only thing he could do now was think about what lies ahead, hopefully, with you back in his arms.

"Y/N, I want you to know that... no, I need you to know that I still love you, I've never stopped loving you." Tom couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes, his bottom lip quivering as he spoke the words. The sob that you let out only broke his heart even more, your firm hands pressing against his chest as you tried to push him back. "No no no, you're just saying that. You don't mean that. Please don't lie to me Tom, please don't."

Tom shook his head as he bit his bottom lip to suppress a whimper. Both of his hands finding its way up to cup your face, wiping your tears away with his thumb as he pressed his forehead against yours. You kept your eyes shut tight, not finding even the smallest of strength to open them to see his face, looking at you so longingly.

"Look at me, baby, look at me." He pleaded, wanting you to see right through him, to look into his eyes and see the truth.

You took a few deep breaths as you wrapped your trembling fingers around his wrists, forcing yourself to open your eyes and gaze into his tear-filled brown orbs.

"I'm not lying to you. I love you, gosh I'm still madly in love with you Y/N." He breathed out with so much emotion, his words coming out as a soft whisper, but the truth was there, strong and firm for you not to miss it.

And who on earth were you kidding? Of course you still love him, you always have. And for the first time in a year, you let your heart take control over your brain; allowing you to push yourself up and let your lips capture his in a kiss filled with need and so much passion.

Tom was quick to kiss back, strong arms wrapping around your form as he pulled you closer to his body, his head spinning at the feeling of your warms lips back on his own after so long. Your fingers were lost in the mesh of his curls, the kiss wet due to a few more tears but neither of you cared because it felt like it belonged, like you two were finally home.

"I missed you so much." Tom groaned against your lips, walking you back slowly until you've reach the bedroom of your trailer, a slight confusion washing over you because the couch was right there, not that you're in a hurry or anything but... "Why–"

"Tessa." And with that he kicked the door shut, his action an enough answer because as much as you love the dog, she does have a habit of disturbing. A sweet giggle came out of you and Tom felt his heart melt at the beautiful sound, especially when it was filled with nothing but genuine amusement.

But that giggle was soon replaced by a soft gasp as Tom dipped his head to bring his kisses down to your neck, his hands pushing your jacket off your shoulders and letting it fall down the floor. That was when everything in your head got clouded, his lips on your skin a good enough distraction for both of you not to think straight.

Your hands found its way under his shirt, a shiver running down Tom's whole body because they were cold, but not for long. He shrugged his own jacket off and pushed you further back, the back of your knees hitting the edge of the bed allowing you to fall down the mattress with a soft thump. Tom pulled his shirt over his head and didn't waste a second more as he crawled on top of you right after, lips back on yours hungrily as he situated himself in-between your legs, your dress hiking up when you wrapped them around his waist.

Your fingers were tracing up and down his bare torso, Tom smirking between the kiss as he felt you run it over his toned abs. You bit his bottom lip as a warning to not be cocky, earning a deep groan from him, his hand coming down your thighs to give them a firm squeeze, the temperature in the room only getting higher as the clock ticked by.

But before any of you could take it a step further, a loud knock echoed itself on the whole trailer. Both of you wanted to ignore it but a voice soon then followed. "Tom, are you in there?"

The boy groaned as he buried his face on the crook of your neck, the two of you completely forgetting where you are as of the moment. Tom took deep breaths to calm himself down, your fingers running through the back of his head, playing with his hair as you did the same.

Once Tom caught his breath, he spoke, a hint of annoyance coating his voice. "What is it Harry?"

"They're looking for the both of you."

Tom sighed, propping himself up to look at you fully, beautiful face all flushed and he couldn't have seen a more gorgeous sight. "Be out in a minute." He called out, never letting his eyes off of you as if you'll disappear if he does, even for a split second. You didn't dare to move nor let out a single word. You just stared right into his eyes, so many emotions swimming in them but one that made your heart grow is the clear look of love, and for once, you felt safe under his gaze, safe and home.

"Come home with me tonight?" Tom asked shyly, fingers tracing your jaw in a loving manner. You thought about it for a second, all the doubt suddenly rushing back to you along with your brain just yelling at you to be extra careful, and you knew you just had to clear your head first before jumping right in the deep end. "Tom, I think I need to thin–"

"I know darling, I know. But please, just give me tonight. After that, I'll give you all the time and space that you need." You sighed knowing fully well you can't ever resist him, closing your eyes for a moment before nodding. A breath of relief escaped Tom's lips just as he presses it back on yours, but this time it was soft and sweet, kind of like a reassurance that he will be right here until you fully take him back, no matter how long that would take.

Tom unwillingly pulled away before things get heated again, standing up fully as he grabbed his shirt off the floor along with his jacket and slipping it on. He turned back to you with a sweet smile, offering both hands for you to take, interlacing your fingers in his once you did.

"Come on, we've got some explaining to do."

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