#The Urdu Teacher

[arabia-taj]

18.05.2024

My accounting sir,

He's an old man who knows math really well, and on the mentioned date he shared the important lessons of his life with the whole class and I understood why he did it. And he was so happy to share it with us students. Like as a student I feel so happy for my teacher. I saw him laughing and smiling while sharing those important lessons with the whole class. Gosh, these little things make me realise that life isn't that bad <3

(note : those pictures are from my college play ground and there are trees in there, and also nobody actually plays there)

[deepjams4]

जड़!

[skiddo-xy]

Eid mubarak to everyone celebrating!!! 🫶🫶🫶

[digitalanivipracticeb]

Lala Lajpat Rai

Lala Lajpat Rai was a prominent Indian freedom fighter and a key figure in the Indian independence movement. Here are a few key factors approximately him:

Early Life:

Birth: Lala Lajpat Rai was born on January 28, 1865, in Dhudike, Punjab, British India.

Munshi Radha Krishan Agrawal, a Persian and Urdu teacher, and Gulab Devi, a pious lady, were the parents of Lala Lajpat Rai. After obtaining his law degree, he commenced his legal practice in Hisar, Haryana.

In Hinduism, Rai believed in the potential of Hindu principles to foster nationalism and envisaged a genuinely secular nation founded on these ideals. Concurrently, he engaged with the Hindu Mahasabha.

Education:

He studied law at Government College in Lahore, where he came in contact with fellow freedom fighters like Lala Hans Raj and Pandit Guru Dutt.

Role in the Independence Movement:

Lajpat Rai played a crucial role in the Indian independence movement and was a part of the Lal Bal Pal trio, along with Bal Gangadhar Tilak and Bipin Chandra Pal.

He was associated with various socio-political movements and organizations, including the Arya Samaj.

Leadership in Punjab:

Lala Lajpat Rai was an ardent advocate for militant anti-British nationalism within the Indian National Congress, simultaneously being a prominent leader in the Hindu supremacy movement.

Lala Lajpat Rai, famously known as the Lion of Punjab, was a stalwart in the Indian independence movement. He earned the moniker Punjab Kesari, symbolizing his fearless spirit

Lajpat Rai also served as the President of the All India Trade Union Congress.

In 1886, Rai founded the Hisar branch of the Indian National Congress and later shifted to Lahore in 1892 to practice law at the Lahore High Court. He actively contributed to various magazines and newspapers and initiated political agitation against the government.

Deported to Mandalay in 1907 without trial, he was released due to insufficient evidence. In 1914, he abandoned law practice to devote himself to India’s liberation from foreign rule.

Living in the USA from 1917 to 1920, Rai founded the Indian Home Rule League of America to garner moral support for India’s independence struggle.

He petitioned the US Senate, depicting the dire state of Indian administration under British rule. Upon returning to India, he joined various INC movements.

Protests Against Simon Commission and Death

Lala Lajpat Rai led a protest against the Simon Commission in 1928. During the protest, he sustained injuries inflicted by the police baton charge. He later succumbed to these injuries

His death led to widespread outrage and contributed to the anti-British sentiments during the independence movement.

During the Simon Commission’s visit to Lahore on October 30, 1928, Rai led a silent march protesting its exclusion of Indian members. The Superintendent of Police, James Scott, subjected him to a brutal lathi charge. Despite the assault, Rai declared to the crowd, “I declare that the blows struck at me today will be the last nails in the coffin of British rule in India.” Martyr’s Day is celebrated on November 17 in his honor in India.

Legacy:

Lajpat Nagar, a prominent locality in Delhi, is named after him.

His contribution to India’s freedom struggle is remembered and honored nationwide.

Lala Lajpat Rai’s commitment to the cause of Indian independence and his sacrifices for the nation have secured him a revered place in India’s history.

Lajpat Rai’s notable works include:

The Story of My Deportation

The United States of America: A Hindu’s Impression

Arya Samaj

England’s Debt to India

Unhappy India

birthday life Indian freedom fighterlajpat Rai's notable works include Lajpat raileadership in punjablegacyprotests against the Simon Commission and death in the independence movement

[stil-lindigo]

link

on twitter, a viral thread started where people around the world shared their translations of “If I must die”, the last work of Dr Refaat Alareer also known as "the voice of Gaza". A beloved poet, teacher and life-long activist for Palestine, he was recently assassinated along with members of his extended family by a targeted Israeli air strike. His loss leaves a hole in the heart of palestinians all over the world.

Below the cut, I’ll be posting the translations of his poem, with links to the original posts. Unfortunately, tumblr limits posts to a maximum of 30 images. I will update when I can.

Arabic (Refaat’s mother tongue)

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2. Spanish

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3. Irish

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4. Dutch

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5. Greek

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6. German

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7. Vietnamese

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8. Tagalog

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9. Serbian

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10. Japanese

and the traditional japanese calligraphy version

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11. Nepali

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12. Tamil

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13. Bosnian

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14. Indonesian

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15. Romanian

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16. Italian

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17. Albanian

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18. Urdu

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19. Turkish

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20. Polish

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21. Norwegian

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22. Galician

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23. Swedish

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24. Jawi

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25. Bengali

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26. Russian

[newprofessionals]

اردو ٹیچر کے لیے کون سے ٹولز، تکنیک، ویب سائٹس، موبائل ایپلیکیشنز اور سافٹ وئیر مددگار ہیں؟

Kindly put up your questions about your passion and profession.

بہت سے ٹولز، تکنیک، ویب سائٹس، موبائل ایپلیکیشنز، اور سافٹ ویئر پروگرام ہیں جو اردو اساتذہ کے لیے مددگار ثابت ہو سکتے ہیں۔ یہاں کچھ سب سے زیادہ مفید ہیں: مائیکروسافٹ آفس: پروڈکٹیوٹی ٹولز کے اس سوٹ میں ورڈ، پاورپوائنٹ اور ایکسل شامل ہیں، ان سبھی کو مختلف قسم کے دستاویزات، پریزنٹیشنز اور اسپریڈ شیٹس بنانے اور ترمیم کرنے کے لیے استعمال کیا جا سکتا ہے۔ گوگل ڈرائیو: یہ کلاؤڈ بیسڈ سٹوریج حل آپ کو…

[unstablem8]

*Back when Ballister was first joined the institute*

Director: "Ballister Boldheart how many times must I remind you not to get into fights, you either tell one of your teachers or me.

5 yr old Ballister: "Maano vah kuchh bhee karane ja raha ho." (As if that's going to do anything at all) *He mumbled*

Director: "Excuse me?"

Ballister: "Nothing Miss."

Director: "Alright." *She says, suspicious of what he said and walked away*

Ballister: "Kutiya." (Bitch)

(I've seen several headcanons where Bal is South Asian and can speak urdu, I really like this headcanon. But instead of urdu he speaks Hindi since it's another commonly spoken language and I can understand it better)

[quietquaking]

my personal Batfam headcanons-updated to include languages, birthdays, and a few extra notes!

Languages

*reading/listening

**speaking

writing

All:

- English

- ASL

- Arabic

- Mandarin

Alfred

- rough German**

- French

- rusty Russian

- Urdu

- BSL

- lil bit of Gaelic**

Bruce:

- French**

- easily fluent Russian

- Latin

- Urdu

- basic Nepali**

- BSL

Dick:

- German**

- some forms of Japanese*

Babs:

- Cantonese

- Japanese

Jason:

- French*

- basic Latin

- Turkish

- easily fluent Spanish

Steph:

- Urdu

- Pashto**

Cass: (understands/writes)

- Russian*

- Pashto

- Cantonese

Tim:

- German**

- Latin

- Pashto

- lil bit of Gaelic* from alfred

Damian:

- German**

- Russian

- Urdu

- Pashto

- Nepali

- Japanese

- Spanish

Members

- backstory/hero history (opt)

- job (opt)

- hc’s

- mental illnesses/neurodivergencies

- gender/sexuality/pronouns

- race

- bday

- age

- height

Alfred Pennyworth

- born 1925, accidentally drank from a Lazarus pit in ‘88, has been bouncing around the globe fucking with Ra’s since then

- well actually bruce’s parents died right around then so he had to take care of him, didn’t notice he wasn’t aging until early 1990’s

- perpetually like 63

- has an extensive history in secret service and espionage

- sassy bastard

- the real man of the house

- was definitely sleeping with both elder waynes (late 1960’s-mid 80’s)

- they had bruce in ‘80 (in their early 40’s) died late 80s

- Bday: aug 16, 1925

- age: ??

- 5’10 ish

Bruce Wayne

- actually a disaster

- has acting stupid down to a science

- and fear tactics as batman

- radiates either boyfriend and father vibes depending on the person

- slight british accent when he’s tired/relaxed thanks to alfred (jl flipped the fuck out when they heard it)

- probably autistic tbh, used to live life in perpetual panic attacks

- he/him, disaster bi

- jewish by race, not religion

- bday: april 7, 1980 (early millennial)

- age: 40

- 5’11

Dick Grayson

- ex robin, now nightwing

- police detective (sort of a ‘fix the system from the inside’ type of thing)

- splits his time between bludhaven and gotham, has his own apartment, but still kinda lives in the manor

- at least proficient in all gymnastics-type activities (tramp, bar, beam, silks, ballet, ballroom, and more)

- floor routines/flippy shit and trapeze are his specialities

- anxiety galore (being on the trapeze calms him)

- he/him, bi

- Romani (not at all connected to it tho)

- Bday: march 20, 1992 (late millennial)

- age: 28

- 5’9

Barbara Gordon

- ex batgirl, now Oracle

- mostly paralyzed from the waist down bc joker shot in the base of the spine

- computer hacker

- just does oracle stuff and helps her dads with cases

- Commissioner Gordon’s foster daughter

- ADHD probably

- she/her, pan

- white

- Bday: sep 23, 1994 (late millennial)

- age: 26

- 5’9 when standing, 4’4 (?) in the chair

Jason Todd

- ex robin, now red hood

- he’s a teacher! honestly any grade works

- died and came back. fucking lazarus pits.

- has the white streak goddamnit

- everyone is scared of him but it turns out he’s actually a sweetheart who loves to bake

- he puts on a tough face but he actually cries really easily and frequently. that’s part of why he wears the full-face mask- no one can see the way his face twists when he’s disguising the difference in his voice, or the tears leaking out from under the domino

- alfred and jason share a bday, so he always comes to the manor to see him, even if he’s currently a villain

- ex theater kid lmao

- absolutely wears reading glasses, not many people know that

- swears in a variety of languages thanks to the loa

- some blend of adhd/autism but he’s so entrenched in masking that he really doesn’t know anymore

- any pronouns, doesn’t care about labels

- some kind of (south american?) mixed race, no one’s quite sure what (including himself)

- Bday: aug 16 1997 (technically gen-z)

- age: 23

- 6’1

Timothy Drake

- ex robin, now red robin

- helps run Wayne Ind.

- owns Red Robin restaurant chain

- sleep-deprived coffee-addict

- seriously someone please get this kid to a bed before he passes out standing up again.

- autistic

- he/him non-binary, bi

- pale ass white thing

- Bday: july 19 2003

- age: 17

- 5’5 (max 5’6)

Stephanie Brown

- cluemaster’s daughter- became Spoiler to fight him

- ex robin (brief)

- bounces between various coffee shop jobs before getting a job in a nice restaurant and eventually rising to be top of waitstaff

- loves purple

- ADHD magpie

- she/xe but really any pronouns, lesbian

- white

- Bday: aug 11 2002

- age: 18

- 6’0

Cassandra Cain

- used to be Orphan, then batgirl for a hot minute, now she’s Black Bat

- daughter of cain (the batman villain, not the biblical figure. looking at you, spn)

- trained to be an assassin from a young age

- designer for Wayne Ind.

- mute cause her dad fucked up her vocal cords, but she was mostly nonverbal before that anyway

- badass and yet adorable

- adhd/autistic

- she/they/it, demi lesbian

- chinese (region is up for interpretation)

- Bday: Jan 26, 2003

- age: 17

- 5’4

Damian Wayne

- robin

- bruce’s only bio son (talia r*ped him)

- bruce does make him go to school, but lets him choose between private and public (he chooses private to keep up appearances)

- i feel like he’d be a librarian eventually

- raised traditional european/middle eastern until he was ten, is very proper and very stabby

- also has earlobe piercings from early childhood

- plays violin cuz i said so

- very very autistic but refuses to acknowledge it for a while (would have been diagnosed with asperger’s in the past)

- he/they, agender, demi and gay

- spanish/middle eastern blend (unclear what exactly, Ra’s’ original country probably doesn’t even exist anymore)

- bday: jan 5, 2007

- age: 13

- 5’1 (max 5’10)

Duke Thomas

- The Signal

- has powers from a genetic variation

- moves through light and shadow

- a cinnamon roll

- he patrols during the day so he and the rest don’t interact much at home but he’s always welcome in the manor

- audhd

- he/she (still a boy)

- black

- bday: aug 13, 2001

- age: 19

- 5’10

Harley Quinn

- went to med school with bruce! since figuring that out they’ve actually been close

- such a fuckin mess of mental illnesses lmao

- doesn’t remember her original race, now her skin is just sheer white

- bday: july 20, 1982

- age: 38

- 5’5 ish

Ivy (Pamela)

- she’s shy so she doesn’t actually show up much but she’s still part of the family

- she grows the weed, harley sells it

- race? she’s green and an orphan, idk what to tell you

- intense social anxiety and rejection-sensitivity

- bday: may 14, 1979

- age: 41

- 5’8

Bonus

- Kate

- Harper

- Selina? on occasion ig

Pets

- Ace the bathound (B’s)

- Titus the greyhound (Dami’s)

- Batcow (Dami’s)

- Alfred the cat (Dami’s)

- Goliath (Dami’s)

- Steve the samoyed (Dami’s)

- Goldy the goldfish (Steph’s)

- Jason Jr. the frog (Jason’s)

- Lacey the orange tabby cat (Dick’s)

- Edwardina and family, the ducks that now live in the pond in the garden (Dami+Alfred’s)

- William Snakespeare (Dami+Jason’s)

[dreamertrilogys]

i need to marry outside my culture so if i ever come upon an infant child i can speak to it exclusively in urdu & my partner will speak to it exclusively in their lang & it’ll pick up english from media/surroundings so basically i can give the local kindergarten teacher a little menace of a child who speaks 3 very different languages and none of them very well

[septembriseur]

Under the cut: good news and bad news from Afghan friends, and a little bit of a fundraising appeal.

On the very same day this past week, (1) my Persian teacher finally (after TWO YEARS of waiting) got the news that his P1 resettlement visa had been approved and the organization working with his group had bought him a ticket to the US for the end of the month... (1) and another friend of mine, a Hazara guy who had been in Pakistan waiting for a student visa to be processed, was arrested by police as part of the anti-Afghan crackdown and sent to a deportation camp. Meanwhile, another Afghan friend of mine (who had reached Qatar) has traveled back to Pakistan to help his mother (who is in hospital there) and make sure she didn't get deported.

Later this month, I'm going to set up a formal GoFundMe for my Persian teacher to help him buy appropriate clothes and home goods, take driving lessons, and cover other necessary expenses in the US— and so he can support his family as they wait in Kabul (YES, STILL) for their State Department evacuation. GoFundMe is much simpler when the recipient is in the US. I'll post it here.

If you are in the Seattle area and have any tips on jobs that would be appropriate for a recently resettled refugee who has a BA in Politics and speaks fluent English, Dari, Pashto, and Urdu (as well as passable Kurdish), please let me know.

If anyone wants to chip in a few bucks to cover the expenses for the two friends who are dealing with the deportation situation, I am trying to raise $500 to repay the loan my friend took to travel to Pakistan for his mother. (I have paid $200 towards it so far.) I am also trying to raise some money to help the friend who got arrested pay his way out of the camp so he will not lose his chance at a student visa.

My CashApp is $acabirds if you want to contribute.

I know that there are a lot of other needs right now, and that Palestine is a priority for many people, so I completely understand if you need to direct your support there right now.

[mashriqiyyah]

As-salamu'alaikum sis, i have started to like a person because of his deen; he is very pious and posts about islam only. But i am very scred to talk to him and how can i get away from this liking as it is consuming me day and night 🥺

Walaikum assalam warahmatullah wabarkatuhu.

You don't need to talk to him, unfollow that account. And if you find yourself visiting it often, delete your own accounts.

Not everyone you find pious on social media is as such in real life. It's a dangerous trap and it'll be foolishness to believe that everyone who posts about Islam only actually lives by everything they post online. I have seen plenty of "Dawah page" holders in real life missing their obligatory salat and fasts in Ramadan... spending nights playing videogames with their buddies and preferring their time to spend in editing reels n posts instead of actually learning the Deen. Unqualified people have made a trend to start Dawah pages. SubhanAllah. Allahu Musta'an. So don't take it too seriously. It's pretty natural to develop such feelings but don't dwell on it. Lower your gaze from that person...yani... don't see their posts n all at all. Alhamdulillah...when it's out if your sight, it'll be out of your mind with conscious efforts. Seek knowledge through actual, qualified scholars. Dm me... I'll share some useful links of channels where you can learn directly from Madina University teachers, and also Umm ul Qura University teachers. May Allah bless them immensely. Spend more n more time with Quran. If you can read Urdu, read 'Main Anmol' by Nemrah Ahmed. And also, keep making Dua to Allah to save you from everything that's not khayr for you. Allah will help you get rid of feelings harmful for your heart. In Sha Allah. Make a lots of Dua, Istighfar. And look around you...look at the condition of the Ummah, look at the tests of your brothers n sisters n children. And then compare your problem to their calamity. You'll find you're worrying for nothing. Don't give in to such wasawees of shaytan when he makes you think you're in love. This liking will lead nowhere except heartbreak and regret. May Allah save us all.

[paandaan]

The idea of translating Angarey into English began to take shape when I found out that Khalid-sa'ab had, many years ago, transcribed six stories from the collection into Devanagari. These were 'Jannat ki Basharat', 'Phir Yeh Hungama', 'Garmiyon ki Ek Raat', ‘Neend Nahin Aati', ‘Dulari’ and 'Badal Nahin Aate’. He had done this with the idea of bringing out a Hindi translation of Angarey but it somehow remained incomplete. He handed these scripts to me. I was fascinated by what I read and wanted more. The only way this could have happened was by Khalid-sa'ab reading the stories aloud to me. He agreed to do so and I decided to directly translate the stories into English as he read them out to me. The reading room for teachers in our college library was the space that became a witness to the process of translation where languages, scripts, orality and the written word began to slip in and out of their encoded locations. There was very little in the reading of the original Urdu—including many culture-specific references—that I could not comprehend and grasp. It was a clear revelation of a living multi-linguality that surrounds us through our ordinary, routine lives. We soak up and internalize many different languages and cultures that live around us rather unconsciously and often end up knowing more languages than we give ourselves credit for. The oral proximity of languages like Hindustani and Urdu, however, fades away when we approach the written scripts which are entirely different from each other. The apparent ease of translating from speech to the written word is overtaken by the impediment of an unfamiliar script and we realize how important schooling and instruction are to even begin to get familiar with the scripts of languages that we learn informally during the process of societal interaction. It is in such situations that I believe, what may be called ‘collaborative translation’ becomes extremely valuable since it allows the active pooling in of language resources of persons other than the sole translator. The large number of language varieties and the proximity or distance between them makes it impossible for even serious scholars to master many languages. However, in the event of an overlap between the language, the literature and the culture of the source and the target languages such coordinated/ collaborative translation can prove to be fruitful.

The selection of what is considered the most suitable word or phrase from various options available to us is one that is conditioned by our personal perception as well as the theoretical appreciation of the process and the outcome of translation. The process of linguistic, textual and cultural translation inevitably embraces issues like equivalence, 'foreignizing' and/ or treating culture as the basic, functioning unit of the translation process. My personal theoretical conviction tilts towards that of Susan Bassnett and André Lefevere who see the possibility of re-approachment between cultural studies and translation studies. It is for this reason that words like 'moulvi', 'aadaab', 'mujra' and 'chaprasi' have been left in their original form in this translation, especially in instances where the meaning or implication of the word is clear from the context itself. The allusions and metaphors were more difficult to deal with. I have tried to convey the sense of these allusions and metaphors within the main body of the text itself. However, I had little choice but to resort to notes where these began to sound awkward.

Angarey, Introduction by Vibha S. Chauhan

[skiddo-xy]

🙃 - Is your target language hard for you? and⭐️ - What’s your favourite word in your target language? for the langblr ask meme!

thanks for asking!!! 🫶

🙃mandarin - it's difficult, esp. with having the courage to speak it out loud but I feel like I have the most motivation stream coming from it! I had trouble with characters in the past, but since getting interested in learning about chinese names and the components of the characters it's been a lot easier remembering how to write them which helped a lot!

🙃urdu - yes. I have lots of difficulty with motivation particularly because how much english has watered urdu down :( I still regularly (not now though since I'm on exchange) take urdu italki lessons though so hey at least I'm trying! (urdu is my main heritage language)

🙃italian - not too much actually, I haven't been really focused on studying it but now that I'm taking Italian classes twice a week where everyone is at b2 level (I am A1~2 at best) and the teacher only teaches IN italian I've been really motivated! however I haven't delved too much into conjugation, I can only conjugate 3 verbs into present tense lol! the other very big factor which I'd be remiss for not mentioning is that I already speak french so I'm at least in the ballpark!

⭐️mandarin - 彩霞 (cǎi xiá), meaning pink-tinted clouds! I'm not sure of the "correct" words to put 霞 beside but I see it in people's names and I just think it's beautiful that such a words exists.

⭐️urdu - فیروز (feroz), meaning turquoise! I love the way it rolls off my tongue, I love the way it's written, I love the colour and I also love that it's a common given name for men! really cool

⭐️italian - molto, meaning very! as you can see I haven't progressed much (yet!) in italian so I'm just choosing a nice sounding word I like. honorable mention to già (already) and sarà (they will) because I love the accent graves at the end of words in Italian!

[theyumeconnoisseur]

FOR THE ASK GAME!! 📝 for both souma and adonis maybe? I wanna know the lore 👀

OK SO. I have a fair amount of lore for my s/i but I’ll try to restrain myself to focus on the actual ask. Also talking about my s/i in third person since that’s how I often think of him despite considering him to be me :p also would like to add my f/o’s and I are in a polycule but I’ll mostly focus on souma and Adonis here :3

Basically silver in what would in the Netherlands be 2nd or 3rd year here (still debating the specific year) get an accidental scholarship from yumenosaki and decides “eh school is going Bad here might as well accept” and after getting his stamp of approval from his parents, moves to Japan with his younger sister (I’ve had a habit of giving my s/i’s a younger sister from when I was a kid who wanted a younger sister and now it’s just a part of the Lore) but since he doesn’t know any Japanese 2 people who do have languages in common with him were assigned to help him, specifically Adonis and mizuki (who I. Might elaborate about in a different post)

Now silver may not know a lot of Japanese however. He did take Arabic lessons when we was younger, though he is a bit rusty as it’s been a few years (fun fact! This was based off real life. The difference is I actually sucked at it irl and only remember a few words that overlap with Urdu lol) and mizuki being half pakistani herself can also speak Urdu so the silver can communicate with both of them, with a bit of trouble but he befriends them this way. Also would like to add this is like, pre-war during the war i’d say, he did try to stay fairly distant but he did end up a bit involved since many of his friends were. Anyways. Once he learns more Japanese he still sticks to Adonis and mizuki a lot (and ends up forming a unit with mizuki as well) and befriends souma! They all do realize they’re feelings for eachother close to the end of the war but agree that it’s not the best time to start dating and put it off until the dust has settled especially considering souma and Adonis’ units being kind of on opposing sides (? I think?)

The four of them (mizuki being included) started dating shortly after the new school year began in ! Era, silver heard of the producer course being opened and asked to join both courses as he thought it would be good to have a back up plan. (He does help with behind the scene work but prefers to stay quiet with his involvement which is part of why anzu is still considered everyone’s producer) The teachers agree and so silver is in both courses, and later in !! Era becomes an idol for newdi in his and mizuki’s unit (I still have not thought of a name for it) and a producer for rythlin! He mainly produces undead and ra*bits, while mizuki also produces Akatsuki :3. In !-era they’re still a hit awkward in the relationship but in !!-era they’ve all grown more confident and are a bit more affectionate in public, though not much, or at least not in public :3.

[astridthevalkyrie]

tw talking ab abuse (my own but still)

stuck in this rut thinking about how when I was nine and in private school my parents came to the parent teacher conference and my social studies teacher told them i was failing in her class and i was standing there as my mom started to berate me in urdu even though it was because of how hard she made me study for religious studies that left me no time for anything else and because even when I was nine my parents didn’t help me with homework or tests and then proceeded to brag about how I never needed it by the time I graduated high school but anyways since my teacher didn’t know urdu she didn’t step in and my dad didn’t step in either because he never steps in.

then she took me to the bathroom in the school and reeled her arm back and open palm slapped me across the face a few times till my cheek was red and the beginnings of a bruise would start forming. and then she left to go argue with my dad and tell him why it was his fault that I was failing.

and my friend came into the bathroom and asked me what happened and I told her nothing because what good would telling her do and then she left and then I was in the bathroom for only a few minutes because that’s all the time i had to pull myself together before going back out there to a woman who wasn’t going to apologize and wasn’t going to change. was going to hit me again for less.

and i’m thinking about. how I’ll never get that moment back. and I’ll never get to stop it. and no one is gonna go back in time to protect me. no one is going to catch her hand before it hits me, no one is going to tell my teacher that just simply tattletaling to my parents won’t help my grades and will actively just make my life harder even though I’ll still act goofy in class and be loud and try to demand positive attention that no one else is giving me and that even then I knew the teachers wouldn’t give me either. and there is no point to talking about this now because that moment happened and a bunch of other moments like that one happened and at this point I’m only hurting myself with these fantasies where someone saved me from that but I still can’t stop fantasizing about them anyways. how even now my ideal for a romantic partner would be someone who stands up to my family for me, would step in between me and my mother and tell her that’s enough and take my hand and pull me out of the house and hug me and tell me that they want me to cry and let it out and not say it’s okay because it’s not but that they’ve got me and they’ll be there.

i’m thinking about how if I had a daughter i think i would break someone’s hand if they even tried to lay a finger on her instead of encouraging others to discipline her in any way they see fit like my mother did with me when she dropped me off to a private tutor’s house when i was five and let that tutor blame me for my mom’s depression. but i would be so terrified of having a daughter because maybe my mother has the same thought but then after she had me something changed and something about me made her reconsider. and more than that i’m afraid that no one will ever protect me and I’m afraid that i won’t protect myself.

i hate it here, i have no one to blame because everyone is a victim once I look deeper into it and it’s no one’s responsibility to save me and my experience is hardly the roughest out there but i want so badly to go back to that bathroom and hug myself and wipe my own tears. but i can’t. i can’t, and all I’m doing is sitting in a club meeting that i am going to further complicate my life by joining and competing to get the validation of someone and I don’t know who and I’m typing this out and doing my best to look like I’m not crying.

[dying-roses13]

tag game by @arany-studio

Get to know you tag game by @smol-bibliophile-firefly 😁🫶

Do you play any instrument? im learning guitar sooo kinda?

Favorite book characters?

yes

What's your star sign?

CANCERRR

Favorite color schemes?

royal blue and dark purple OR dark purple, black and gold

Naps or long sleep?

LONG SLEEPPPP

What languages do you speak?

English - 100% Urdu - 99% French - 40/50% (im still learning) Punjabi - 30% (i can understand but not read or write) eee :)

Dream/aspirations

I WANNA BE A BIRDYYY jkjkjk i want to be a teacher and i wanna have kids CAUSE I LOVE LITTLE CHILDREN

Tea or coffee?

TEA IDK WTH IS WRONG WITH AMERICANS WHAT IS COFFEE LIKE AJLKSDJDFSDFDFJSLK

Bring a book character to life or go into a fictional world?

fictional worldd 💪💪💪

TAGS @days2mars @rebelhorsebook @dcvina-claires