unstablem8

[unstablem8]

Who would last longest in a spicy food eating competition?

Here are my thoughts.

Todd: Gave up after one bite.

Diego (squire): ate a few bites then gave up.

Ambrosius: Lasted about 30 minutes before guzzling down a gallon of water.

Nimona: Lasted a couple hours without water.

Ballister: Ate all of it as if it was child's play.

Any opinions on my thoughts?

[unstablem8]

Welp.......

Exams are next week and my mom is going to confiscate all my device ( idk how that's even supposed to help me )

So I won't be able to post anything until after next week

(Pray for me)

[unstablem8]

The caretaker

Pt. 2 (cuz I don't have any ideas 🙃 )

Maddison: "Sir Boldheart, please can you just cooperate with me? You are making this harder than it needs to be."

Ballister: " Main.Nahin.Dekhabhaal."

(I.Don't.Care.)

Maddison proceeded to walk to the kitchen and placed him on one of the dining table chairs.

Maddison: "Stay."

She walked into the kitchen while he muttered just loud enough for her to hear.

"Main koee paalatoo jaanavar nahin hoon."

(I'm not a pet)

She sighed softly and took out a piece of paper from her pocket, it was a list of foods that Ballister liked, disliked, Loved, and hated, that Ambrosius had written for her before he left. She decided to make one of his favorite food since it was basically her best bet since she knew he would make this difficult for her.

'This should do' she thought to herself pointing to something on the list

*It took awhile but she managed to get it done, she placed the food in front of Ballister but he just stared at it blankly*

Maddison: "Sir Boldheart, please can you just cooperate with me? You are making this harder than it needs to be."

Ballister: " Main.Nahin.Dekhabhaal."

(I.Don't.Care.)

Maddison: "Why are you acting like this, it's like you don't trust me."

Ballister: "Of course I don't trust you, It's not every day your boyfriend leaves you alone with some random lady who's duty is to 'take care' of you like your a child."

Maddison: "Alright I admit that is slightly fair but c'mon it's not like I'm an assassin or anything."

*She tried her best to reassure Ballister that she was a good person, he looked down at the food and back up at her*

Ballister: "One chance."

*that was all he said before beginning to eat the food, Maddison walked away to the living room, she sat on the couch and checked her phone. A text from Ambrosius.

____________________________________________

How's it going Maddison?

Difficult, I was just barely able to convince him to eat the food I made him. Why is he so distrustful anyway?

Well with the whole death of the queen thing he was betrayed by the people he trusted, The director and myself. I've been trying to convince him that it won't happen again but he's not buying it.

I see. So what do I do?

Don't try to force him to trust you give him some time and he'll warm up to you eventually.

Alright see you soon.

Good luck.

____________________________________________

'I'll need that luck.' *she thought to herself before her tiredness finally overtook her she fell asleep on the couch*

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Todd: "I should be the knight leading this mission, besides I'm the strongest here."

He continues to rant about how he is the best knight out of everyone

Ballister: "FOR FUCKS SAKE SHUT UP, YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET KNIGHTED DURING THE CEREMONY!! GOONGEE KUTIYA!"

(Dumb Bitch)

Ambrosius writing down on a notepad: "And that's a new insult added to the list, plus he's not wrong." *he pointed at Todd*

Todd: "I beg your pardon?!"

Ballister inched closer to Todd close enough for their faces to be a few inches away from each other

Ballister: "You heard me."

[unstablem8]

(Sorry for the Hiatus it's assessment week at school but rn I'm currently on a family vacation in Orlando)

Here have this idea that I plucked freshly from my brain to make up for it:

Ambrosius: "And make sure he eats three full meals as well."

???: "Yes, Sir Goldenloin. I promise to do well."

Ballister walked out of the bedroom yawning softly, all of a sudden he stops dead in his tracks as he sees someone he doesn't know standing in front of him

Ballister: "Uh, Who are you?"

Maddison: "I'm Maddison and Sir Ambrosius Goldenloin hired me as your caretaker."

She bows politely

Ballister: "C- caretaker? I don't need a caretaker I can take care of myself."

Maddison: "I'm aware of that but Goldenloin said that you don't do it properly."

Ballister: "Whatever, I'm going back to sleep."

Maddison: *in mind* 'Wow, he really is stubborn."

Maddison: "Oh no you don't mister."

She pick him up and carries him to the kitchen

Maddison: "First of all I must make you some food, I didn't sign up for this job to not do it properly."

Ballister did not like that

Ballister: "mujhe neeche rakh do, mujhe kisee dekhabhaalakarta kee aavashyakata nahin hai! aur mujhe bhookh nahin hai!" ( PUT ME DOWN YOU, I DON'T NEED A CARETAKER! AND I'M NOT HUNGRY!)

He thrashed around violently scratching at her arms trying to escape

Maddison: *in mind* 'This is gonna be harder than I thought, ow.'

[unstablem8]

*Ambrosius and Ballister meeting for the first time physically*

8 yr old Ambrosius: "Um... Hello?

8 yr old Ballister: "Aap kuan hain?! Aap kya chaahate hain?!" (Who are you?! What do you want?!)

Ambrosius: "W- What?"

Ballister: " Aap mera peechha kyon kar rahe hain?! Yadi aap kuchh kahane ja hain to bas kah den! (Why are you following me?! If you are going to say something just say it!)

Ambrosius: "Uh, I don't speak.... that language."

Ballister: "Oh right not everyone can speak hindi, but that's beside the point! Why are you following me?"

Ambrosius: "I just wanted to ask if... we could get to know each other?"

Ballister: "You.... aren't like the others?" *he tilted his head confused* "Being the direct decadent of Gloreth I expected you to be the biggest jerk here."

Ambrosius: "I'm not like the other nobles, I don't bully people for being different."

Ballister: "I'm surprised."

Ambrosius: "So.... Friends?" *He held his hand out for a handshake*

Ballister: "I'll think about." *he grabs Ambrosius' hand and shakes it slowly* "Anyway I have to go the queen wants to see me." *he says before quickly running to the throne room*

*Ambrosius stared down the corridor Ballister ran down wondering why he felt an unfamiliar fuzzy feeling in his chest*

(Ballister often forgets that not everyone can speak hindi regularly)

(Ambrosius fell in love first and he fell hard)

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Nimona: "Hehehehe~"

Ambrosius: "What did you do?"

Nimona: " Boss got mad at me so I tightened all the lids on the jars so Boss would have to ask me for help."

Ballister: "MAADARACHOD KUTIYA!!!!"

(MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!!!!)

*SMASH*

Ballister: "LAANAT HAI!" (FUCK!)

Nimona: "It hasn't worked yet but it will eventually." *She giggled nervously*

Ambrosius: "Doubt it."

(May we get a F in the chat for the poor jar of strawberry jam)

[unstablem8]

*Back when Ballister was first joined the institute*

Director: "Ballister Boldheart how many times must I remind you not to get into fights, you either tell one of your teachers or me.

5 yr old Ballister: "Maano vah kuchh bhee karane ja raha ho." (As if that's going to do anything at all) *He mumbled*

Director: "Excuse me?"

Ballister: "Nothing Miss."

Director: "Alright." *She says, suspicious of what he said and walked away*

Ballister: "Kutiya." (Bitch)

(I've seen several headcanons where Bal is South Asian and can speak urdu, I really like this headcanon. But instead of urdu he speaks Hindi since it's another commonly spoken language and I can understand it better)

[unstablem8]

Nimona: "Did you eat my breakfast tacos Nemesis?!"

Ambrosius: "No."

*silence*

Nimona: "Who was it?"

Just as she finished that sentence Ballister walked past behind her while holding a plate of tacos while shoving one in his mouth.

Ambrosius almost burst out laughing.

[unstablem8]

Inspiration:

@dopeskeletonspyzine

Man, Bal must have been really bored if he let himself get captured😅 Also you should do the one meme where he goes "You don't have Ballister, he has you. Good luck!" *hangs up*

Bad guy: *Over the phone* "We have your husband."

Ambrosius: "I don't have a husband."

BG: "Then which puppy eyed, wet cat looking man do I have

Ambrosius: "Oh Ballister?, yeah you don't have him he has you. Good luck."

BG: "What does that me-"

Ambrosius: *Hangs up*

BG: *Turns slowly and looks at Ballister who had somehow broken free from his restraints*

"AAAAA-"

A few minutes later

Ambrosius: "A video call from a random number? Probably that guy again." *Answers call*

Ballister: "Hi Amber." *Ballister says sweetly as if there isn't a pile of men bloodied and bruised on the floor knocked out cold* "I'll be home by 12."

Ambrosius: "See you soon my love." *hangs up*

[unstablem8]

Bad guy: *Over the phone* "We have your husband."

Ambrosius: "I.... don't have a husband?"

BG: "Are you fuckin' fr how come you guys aren't married yet?!"

Ambrosius: "Oh Gloreth you have Ballister..."

Ballister in the background: "HI Amber!"

BG: "When's the wedding?"

Ambrosius: "What?"

BG: "We wanna go to the wedding."

Ambrosius: .....I guess I'll remind you when......"

BG: "Cool man, we'll be back with your boyfriend by 12."

[unstablem8]

At the beach-

Ambrosius: *Chilling on a beach chair*

Nimona: *Playing in the water (As a shark)*

Diego: *Forgot to put on sunscreen and is now sunburned and sitting under an umbrella next to Ambrosius*

A few minutes later

Todd: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Ambrosius: "Can you shut u-....."

*He and Nimona look to see a huge pack of seagulls attacking Todd*

Ambrosius: *Looks at diego (The Squire) * "What's going on?"

Diego: "Ballister somehow managed to befriend an entire swarm of seagulls and commanded them to attack Todd."

Nimona: "Metal."

Ballister: "It's true."

*They turned to see Ballister covered in seagulls whilst holding a sandwich letting them slowly pick at it*

Todd: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! HELP ME!!!"

Diego: "Do we?"

"Nah." *The three say in unison as they watch the seagulls attack Todd mercilessly*

The next day-

News reporter: "Yesterday the infamous Thoddeus Sureblade was attacked and ganged by a pack of seagulls, this occurred because of none other than Ballister Black- Boldheart. So, Sir Boldheart how do you plea?"

*He asked shoving the microphone in his face*

Ballister: "It was funny."

News reporter: "And would you do it again?"

Ballister: *Looks over at Todd who is covered in beak marks and tallon scratches*

"Definitely."

[unstablem8]

Ambrosius: *Crosses his arms* "So you think you can just look at me like that and expect me to give you whatever you want?"

Ballister, looking at him with the most adorable puppy dog eyes bigger than the planet Jupiter: "Yes."

Ambrosius: "You are absolutely correct."

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Todd: "Hey ya little freak just a quick reminder nobody likes you."

*Todd and his friends start laughing*

Ballister: *sniff, sniff* "eh.. *heavy breathing*

"Yeah, you are on your own now todd." His friends say before running away.

Todd: Hey, where are you guys goin-"

*He sees two figures standing in the door way*

Ballister: *crying*

Nimona: Did. You. Just. Make. My. Dad. Cry!?

Todd: N- noo?

*Nimona shapeshifts into a gorilla and charges towards Todd to beat the ever loving shit out of him*

Ballister: *crying*

Ambrosius: *pickes up Ballister and sits him down on the couch while cuddling him* Don't worry love, we love you."

Ballister: *Smiles happily and wipes his tears*

*They both watched as nimona beat the ever loving shit out of Todd*

Ballister: *in mind* 'Oh how much fake crying can do.' *he thinks while mentally smirking*