#The Town Criers

[papermoonloveslucy]

COMMAND PERFORMANCE

May 24, 1945

Command Performance was a radio program which aired between 1942 and 1949. It was broadcast on Armed Forces Radio Network (AFRS) and transmitted by shortwave to the troops overseas. It was not broadcast over domestic U.S. radio stations. The show entertained requests from the troops overseas. It was produced in front of a live audience in Hollywood, California. 

“The best wartime program in America.”  ~ Time Magazine

“SUPPRESSED DESIRES” ~ May 24, 1945

Ken Carpenter (Announcer) 

Lucille Ball

Kitty Kallen

Jack Carson

Phil Reagan

Robert Benchley

The Town Criers

Ken Carpenter and Lucille Ball read a request from Sergeant Jim Blaine of APO 129 that asks about ‘suppressed desires’. Lucy asks Ken about his ‘suppressed desires’ and he replies that he hates Harry James. James was a bandleader married to one of Hollywood’s sexiest stars, Betty Grable. 

In 1958, James and Grable appeared on an episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” titled “Lucy Wins a Racehorse”.  They played themselves. 

Lucy laughs and Ken reveals he wants to do an ‘honest’ radio commercial. He demonstrates by talking frankly about a fictional breakfast cereal named Squishy Squashies. 

Lucy introduces Kitty Kallan, who sings “I’m Beginning To See The Light” by Duke Ellington, Johnny Hodges, and Harry James, with lyrics by Don George. Her recording reached #1 for two weeks in January 1945.

Ken askes Lucy what her ‘suppressed desire’ is and Jack Carson enters to infer that it is him!  Carson had appeared with Ball in the films Stage Door (1937), Having Wonderful Time (1938), and Go Chase Yourself (1938). Lucy asks about his reputation as a womanizer. Carson says that his secret desire would be to be Lana Turner - so that he could make love to Jack Carson!

Lucy introduces The Town Criers, who perform “Idaho”, a song by Jesse Stone written in 1942. Originally comprised of the four Polk siblings, Gordon, Elva, Vernon and Lucy Ann, the Town Criers are probably best remembered today for their work with Tommy Dorsey.

Lucy introduces Robert Benchley. Benchley’s secret desire is to play ‘cryptogram’ with Lucy. He finally reveals his hidden desire is to be a mother!  He wants to have 18 children. 

Lucy introduces Irish tenor Phil Reagan who sings “Irish Lullabye”, written in 1913 by James Royce Shannon. The song became a hit for Bing Crosby who sang it in Going My Way (1944).

Carson implores Lucy to reveal her secret ambition. She says she’d like to be someone like Humphrey Bogart. She’s admired him since seeing him in To Have and Have Not (1944). 

Bogart, Bacall, and To Have and Have Not would figure into a 1969 episode of “Here’s Lucy” titled “Lucy and the Bogie Affair.”  

LUCY: “If you’re going to be Lana Turner, I can be Humphrey Bogart. I could cut off my hair, put on long pants and a man’s shirt and nobody’d know the difference.” CARSON: “You’d never fool Lauren Bacall...or me, for that matter.”

Lucy reveals she’s written a little play in which she’ll play Bogart, he’ll play Lana Turner, and Benchley will play Lana’s mother.

CARSON: “My Mother??? That’s what I get for not reading Winchell’s column.” 

Gossip columnist Walter Winchell was a powerful figure in Hollywood. He was the first to break the story about Lucy and Desi losing a baby in the late 1940s. His name was mentioned in Desi’s song “We’re Having a Baby”. On television, he was the voiceover narrator for Desilu’s hit “The Untouchables,” later lending his iconic intonations to an episode of “Here’s Lucy” that satirized the crime drama.  

Lucy reveals the title of the play: “Aunt Becky Got Her Bustle Caught in the Wringer or That’s What Made Her Hangover Square.”  The play imagines Lana as a naive 18 year-old about to go on her first date with Humphrey. Mother tells her the story of the birds and the bees - literally. Ken briefly interupts with a commercial for Squishy Squashy. Humphrey arrives. 

LUCY (as Bogart, to Benchley as Mother): “Who’s this broken down broad? She needs to shave.”  

Mother warns them to be home by ten o’clock. 

[Gunfire] 

LUCY (to Benchley as Lana) : “Now we can hang out till midnight.” 

End of Episode

[peachesanmemes]

DON'T FORGET!!!

50 is a rough page estimate. The accurate length is 15,883 words.

If you want to visualize and compare it, I've graphed the length of each entry and given some other entry stats in another post linked here.

Google says it takes approximately 5 minutes to read 1000 words, so plan accordingly!

[podcastwizard]

we needed to make an announcement to a room of people at work and my coworker was too nervous to do it so she asked me to do it and i was like "yeah i have no problem with making a declaration to a crowd" and she said "yeah i figured that about you." assigned town crier by coworker.

[puppppppppy]

ougghh the Beaft…. The Creature

[ratatatastic]

MULTIPLE PLANES HAVE HIT THE TOWERS

[puckinghischier]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8LJfhFo/

Nico the petite princess that you are I can’t handle the cuteness of it

“You think I’m small? 🥺”

NO CAUSE THAT VIDEO IS GONNA DO IT TO ME EVERY DAMN TIME!!!!

he almost seems….giddy?

like, maybe nico just wants to be babygirl sometimes. maybe he just wants to be small and petite!

and with me he can be. c’mere i’ll let you be little spoon sometimes

[miwtual]

Call the nurse I think I slipped a Franklin in her purse And on the way out I asked her very nicely "make it hurt"

DISGUSTING! Vana (2024)

[sagesparrow394]

WONDERLUST DAYYYYY

[xanderwithanx]

MY WIFE SUCKED HER GIRLFRIEND'S DICK IN THE WOODS YIPPEE!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[dipperscavern]

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!!!!!!! STARK MEN INTO BODY WORSHIP 🚨🚨🚨🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

-another anon who KNOWS stark men are into body worship and WILL NOT be taking any criticism at this time

OHHH YOURE SO RIGHT. THIS IS RIGHT UP THEIR ALLY. the 1k celebration and jon snow angst has me booked and busy but i’m putting this on the back burner to drop when you least expect it thank u and goodnight

thank you for this very real very canon decree town crier anon!!’n

[extravagantliar]

I will admit announcing the calling being gone on Reddit is the funniest thing that could have actually happened

[cleopatragirlie]

Me when I remember digital footprints are very real:

[duck-noises]

i’m gonna piss myself 😭😭😭

[thecardiackids]

JEEK BACK JEEK BACK JEEK BACK

[theboathasbeenyote]

reasons to hire me as a town crier:

cries a lot

loves yelling

would serve absolute cunt in one of them frilly outfits.

[le-sad-demiurge]

This was the year of finding lost media.

The backrooms were located

Ulterior Motives by Christopher Saint Booth was identified

Celebrity #6 was identified as model Leticia Sardá

And now, finally, The Most Mysterious Song On The Internet, the "final boss" of lost media, has been identified as Subways of the Mind by FEX

All art can be saved, all art can be remembered.

Now all that's left is Saki Sanobashi, with hope.