#The Damage Tree

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

The Next Step

Happy four years of Damagemas!

Summary: Cole just wants to get better. But it's easier said than done.

Trigger Warnings: mentioned attempted suicide, pet whump, dehumanization, past abuse, trauma, stockholm syndrome

820 words

Against all odds, time kept moving forward. Even when he… when Cole felt like it never would again. Like time would stop, and everything was stagnant forever.

Somehow, it never stayed like that. He was never alone for long. 

The others didn’t trust him not to try and throw himself off the roof again, he guessed. Not that he could blame them. Sometimes he found himself really considering it. 

It was all just so much. It had been a month since he’d begun to remember himself. A month since he’d finally admitted that he wanted to get better. He did. He really did.

But god, it was so hard. How was he supposed to just exist for himself again when the last year had taught him just the opposite? He’d been forced to live for one thing, and it certainly hadn’t been for himself. 

Learning had been hard. But the unlearning would be so much worse. 

Because now he had an audience. He had people who could see what he had become. His family, who looked at him like he was fragile enough to shatter at any second. Not that they were wrong. 

He’d used to be solid rock. Strong and sure of himself. But now he was practically untethered, never farther from the source of himself. 

How was he supposed to get back? How was he supposed to get them to stop looking at him with such deep pity?

“Cole?”

What if he couldn’t be fixed? What if Master had been right, what if he really was meant to be nothing more than a—

“Cole.” Zane’s voice was firm this time, demanding enough attention for Cole to finally snap out of his quickly spiraling thoughts.

“Huh?” He managed, staring back at his brother, disoriented. 

“Your heartbeat is spiking,” he informed, gentler now. “Would you like to try some of those breathing exercises again? Perhaps it would help to calm you down.” He reached out, moving to put a hand on top of his own.

Cole snatched his hand away. “No,” he said, crossing his arms like a barrier, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Of all the questions that would make him snap, that shouldn’t have been one. And yet…

“Am I s—? Yes, Zane, I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be fine? I remember everything now, don’t I?”

“Well, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t be experiencing some negative—”

“Negative? No, no, everything is just perfect.” He said, rising in volume. “I’m home. I’ve been home for nearly three months, and I’m—” his voice cracked. “I’m still…” he couldn’t do this. Who was he kidding? “I’m still not better,” he mumbled, giving up on a fit. Of course he wasn’t going to get better. He’d been reshaped from the inside out. Of course he could never be put back to how he was supposed to be.

“Nothing is working,” he admitted, a new wave of despair propelling him to stand abruptly and begin to pace around the coffee table they’d settled in front of. “It’s been months, Zane, and I’m still — still like this. What’s the point? Nothing is working. Nothing — nothing is working,” he cried, angrily wiping tears away. “Why can’t I just get better?”

Zane slowly rose to meet him, taking his shaking hands. “Cole,” he said softly, “you’re being too hard on yourself. What you went through was… deeply traumatic. But the progress you’ve made since we found you has been exceptional. Recovering your repressed memories was no easy task. You’ve been improving far quicker than anyone could have even predicted.”

It didn’t feel true in the slightest, but he knew Zane was right. “But what if I—” he struggled, pulling away. “What if I’m never the same as I… used to be?”

Zane considered him for a moment. “Maybe you won’t be.” He sat back on the couch, beckoning Cole to follow. “When I first discovered who I truly was,” he began, “and I regained my memories of my father… it was hard. I knew I would never again be the person my memories told me I had once been.”

He put his head in his hands, miserable. “It’s not the same thing.”

“It is not,” he amended. “But what I am trying to say is that… our experiences shape us. But they do not have to define us.”

He slowly looked up, vision blurred with tears. “But what if this does?” He croaked, “What if I — what if I can’t ever move past this?”

“I believe you will. Not only are you stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for, but… you are not facing this alone, brother. We will be with you every step of the way.”

He didn’t know how to say that that was part of the problem. 

At that moment, Kai poked his head in. “Uh, hey guys? The lawyer’s here.” The pit in his chest sank deeper than ever. Shit.

[drenched-in-sunlight]

i love the DLC man

[milkywayes]

GARRUS VAKARIAN: DATABASE IMAGE ACCESS. > PT. 1 : 2160, 2166, 2170. > all files backdated according to user preferences: (terran_coordinated.calendar).

[thelurk3r]

so fun fact! only venemous snakes have fangs. "but what about the emerald tree boa?"

those aren't fangs. those are teeth.

Left is emerald tree boa, right is of a venomous snake. pretty sure it's a rattlesnake but not 100% sure. With teeth, there aren't just two big ones like the venomous snakes. Plus they're usually smaller. Emerald tree boas have the largest teeth of any snake.

Even in the black mamba, which has relatively small fangs, the teeth are tinier in comparison to the point where it looks like they're barely even there. just slightly spiky gums. Why am I talking about this? Look at rayquaza.

two visible fangs

rest of the teeth appear to be more like spiky gums

Based upon the evidence I have shown, rayquaza is venemous. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[creekfiend]

well boy howdy everyone I tell you what I sure did not enjoy being in the path of that hurricane one bit

[sillybun33]

tea party doodle ft @herebecritters ‘s oc Nergal :3

[dykecadence]

just learned one of assad zaman's first roles was in apple tree yard like. the show from the sherlock conspiracies. imagine you start off with your show in a controversy over queerbait because a random episode of sherlock had an apple tree on a wall and then 10 years later you are in THE toxic yaoi of all time getting praised for how much you look like you wanna fuck that old man. he amazes me

[cairamelcoffee]

“No climate justice on occupied land”

Respect for Greta Thunberg’s vocal commitment to the cause of Palestine.

via

Man interrupts climate activist, Greta Thunberg, grabbing the microphone to say "I came here for a climate demonstration, not a political [unintelligible]."

via

[herebecritters]

The D&D party HEHEHEH

Geshtu plays a vampire drow Warlock named Ilewela (iLewela).

Hopps (oc belonging to @ickyguts) plays a drow swashbuckler rogue named Atlas.

Kyle (oc belonging to @technicoloranimalviolence) plays a Cleric

Mime plays a bard, Toothy a fighter, and Giggles a druid.

Sniffles is their DM naturally hehe

Geshtu kinda stays glued to Hopps during the sessions, he’s still uneasy interacting with most treefolk. Luckily it helps having a character to hide behind. He slowly opens up more over time, but he still keeps his distance for the most part. The others find him odd and a little creepy, but….he’s a really good warlock and is really good at driving the game. Its almost like he has a lot of leadership experience or something.

Hopps spent WAY too much money on cosplays for them. But they sure do look fly as hell.

Geshtu in his Ilawela cosplay:

Ilawela in game:

They are the same exact person. Geshtu basically just plays himself. He thinks he’s a great role player.

I’ll post about the story of their campaign later but for now….have this >:3

[wrixie]

had probably the worst storm my town has seen!

a tornado was so close to ripping everything apart. i grabbed my dog and ran to the basement and sat in flood water while sobbing because i was alone and so so scared 😭

[nickdewolfarchive]

boston, massachusetts february 1969

after the snow, boston common

photograph by nick dewolf https://www.flickr.com/photos/dboo/10297940156

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

Ah the month of august. Best to start working on this years damage update before I run out of time

[ickyguts]

fucked up edgy ass fanart for a concept I have (I want to do a comic for it at some point!)

CW DRUG USE:

 The idea is that on days where Flippy is particularly on edge (losing his grip on fliqpy and afraid he's gunna hurt someone), Flippy resorts to taking a bunch of his sleep aid/painkillers to sedate him.

 Fliqpy sits like this for the next few hours, confused, fucked up, and out of it.

[lucksea]

Hero & Partner Week Day 3 - Day/Night [Team Sunrise]

[mwagneto]

caught myself thinking that maybe the few things i didn't like about the new eps are all clues to signal to the audience that something fucked up is going on NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!! tjlc has damaged me beyond repair

[lady-harrowhark]

listing stuff for resale online and i'm just... so tired of taking pictures. cropping pictures. taking measurements. weighing out postage. finding boxes. writing descriptions. i'm so tired.