#The Chill

[parttimesarah]

Practicing being normal about my hyperfixations:

Someone else brings them up in conversation:

[milestonekestrel]

Some voice doodles i've been doing recently (mostly broken and hunted)

[themegachessatron]

A Review of my time in Skyrim's Prisons (Featuring some followers): The Chill

This is the (much delayed due to work) eighth part of my Skyrim Prison Review series. In this post I explore The Chill, the only thing in Winterhold other than the College of Winterhold to hold any significance whatsoever as this jail contains much do discuss.

First arriving in the prison and we are greeted with what I can only assume to be a claustrophobe's worst nightmare. The guards had thrown the entire squad into a single tiny cell. Space to move around was effectively non-existent for us. I imagine a singular convict would fare better, but not by much. Also worth considering is our surroundings. We were tossed into a frozen cavern in the middle of nowhere and locked in a sharp metal box. Needless to say the Winterhold judiciary were making their attitudes to prison life clear. They wanted convicts to suffer.

Shuffling myself through the rag-tag squad to better observe the cell interior we see a single bed roll and lantern for illumination. This all aligns perfectly with how Winterhold want their prisoners to leave review scores of one Ancient Frost Atronach out of ten Ancient Frost Atronachs and not even risk stealing from Winterhold because of how badly they'd be treated. Needless to say there was a LOT of debate in the team as to who would receive bed roll privileges and who would have to huddle to each other for warmth. As can be expected from a squad comprised of a drunkard, a donkey, a recovering Skooma addict, a barely housetrained Reikling and a Skyrim Tumblr Sexy Man, yelling eventually evolved into its stage two form: Violence. Just before proper conflict could be instigated though I noticed something.

I still had my equipment on me. At no point did any of the authorities strip me of my gear and as such there would be no prisoner belongings chest in this prison. This can be interpreted in one of two ways. Either the guards that brought me here are largely incompetent and simply forgot to remove my belongings (which seems unlikely given the complete lack of a prisoner belonging chest) or the way I personally interpreted it which was "These guards have the biggest kahoonies in the entire country". They are SO confident in their defences that they don't even bother taking away prisoners' gear. They think even with it all convicts can't escape.

Now it is worth noting that not having their things stolen is nothing new for my companions. I am unsure as to why every hold lets them keep their gear while I lose mine, but I suspect that the answer is very complicated, personalised and more than likely involves Slaughterfish in some capacity. This aside, thanks to our shared equipment not being stolen, picking the adept lock on our cell before any blood was drawn proved simple.

Looking outside my cell I can plainly see where the confidence of the Winterhold Guard derives from. Instead of sending good men to freeze to death guarding pickpickets that also freeze to death, they hired out Frost Atronachs from the College nearby. This proved to be a very effective source of fear, muscle and worry in convicts, so much so that I temporarily deployed the Super Special Dragonborn Information Vision (S.S.DIV) that every Dragonborn has to keep track of my health, magicka and stamina (It's a dragonborn thing, look it up). The atronach was patrolling a small area with only three cells including ours and some barrels inside. Given how small I imagine the life expectancy for Chill inmates is thanks to the cold, I suppose it makes sense to not bother decorating. Once we had properly stepped outside of our cell, the Atronach got to work immediately and began an offensive on our group.

No points for guessing how it went.

A small incline to the right of the cell we were put into let out of the prison, where we were greeted with both a sharp realisation and, surprisingly, a welcome party.

Three additional Frost Atronachs ambushed us the second we stepped out of The Chill, as well as a lone Horker which appeared to be there just to feel included. This troublesome trio posed a triple threat to our squad and even managed a decent hit on me in the ensuing battle, though once again through the power of friendship, magic and Jordan we pulled through (at the cost of Teldryn's Flame Atronach).

It was following the defeat of the Atronachs that we came to a realisation. We were not in the city of Winterhold. We were not even CLOSE to the city of Winterhold. We were, as the less eloquently spoken would say, in the middle of fucking nowhere. We were dragged onto a tiny island in the middle of the ocean in freezing weather (heavy armour and all) by the guards and simply left to die. This goes beyond simple prisoner negligence or torture for military/political information. They were actively trying to kill us because I punched a single guardsman once and immediately surrendered. That is... a very commendable attitude. These guards are even more no-nonsense than the Windhelm Guards and this further supports my arguments about the aforementioned kahoonies.

In conclusion, this was easily the best prison I have seen so far. It fully commits to its cold attitude to prisoning with zero compromise, makes effective use of powerful Frost Atronachs to save on manpower, is incredibly cost efficient in terms of cell upkeep and manages to keep convicts out of the city streets better than any other hold capital by simply imprisoning them several miles away from the city itself in a sub-zero climate that would kill most escapees alone. This facility is beyond exceptional.

Final Score: Ten Ancient Frost Atronachs out of Ten Ancient Frost Atronachs

Thank you for reading this review. I hope that the conclusion to this saga arrives with a smaller gap than the last two did. This is especially important since I've saved by far the biggest for last.

"No one escapes Cidhna Mine"? Yeah right.

[principiumindividuationis777]

[filohazard]

Natalie ‘Nate’ Wolfe (She/Her), my Slugblaster Chill

[uniquely-portable-magic]

A little Horror/Thiller book haul for the day 💀

[hotpinkstaples]

me at the nyc tunnel sandhog ghosts who are helping deshawn to protect the city and his daughter from the upstate cultist ghosts who want his daughter to commit the sewer slide in service of the cursed upstate tunnel:

[swan2swan]

Whoever conceived and animated this moment, I hope they're doing well and thriving. This is S-rank romance stuff here.

[markwateneymemorialcrater]

Please note. The orange one is not included because A. He isn’t a billionaire. And B. Calling him obnoxious is too kind for him.

[throathole]

Part of getting older is realizing how absolutely insane it is that basically every form of media is constantly trying to convince us that the most interesting moments of the lived human experience are happening in HIGH SCHOOL…… girl who gives a flying fuck what 16 year olds are doing.

[milestonekestrel]

The Chill! He is so silly.

[everydaylouie]

ghost swing 👻 🎸

[hatchetfield-scarecrow]

I hope Barbie is so good and successful it makes every executive that’s turned everything bright and fun made for young girls into edgy boring teen dramas for the last ten years spontaneously combust into flames

[duckysprouts]

brain chemistry changed from no longer you and monster btw

[pirateprincessjess]

Men are being very normal about the new Godzilla design