#The 'new' cuckoo has actually been here before. But it had been well over 4 years since it was the leader of the nest

[familyofpaladins]

You've heard of [person/character/show/story/media/art] living rent free in your head right?

Now get ready for: that, but each is a little bird in the nest of you mind, some birds are there for a long time and some just a little while, as they come and go and theres some you feed more than others And it's not until you realize that suddenly "theres less birds here" "where'd the other babies go?" That the bird you started to feed a couple days ago is Cuckoo bird

[galactic-glamour-girl-posts]

In celebration of the Animaniacs reboot's second season coming out soon...

I'm going to list a few things I think the reboot does better than the original show so far (not including technical things like animation quality or sound quality, that's not a fair comparison). Here we go:

1. There's a "Here's the show's namey" variant every episode now rather than re-used lines (like "Pinky and the Brain-y"). I totally get why the original show re-used lines (although by season 3 they do so way less), but it's just really cool the a new and unique one every episode now.

2. Yakko's role as big brother seems more apparent now. He was always the leader in the original show sure, and he clearly did care for his siblings, but there wasn't really a sense of authority there. The Warners, either alone or together, always did their own thing. The fact that they weren't all (physically) the same age didn't really matter in most episodes, and often only apparent due to their (kind of inconsistent in the original-I SAID I WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THE ANIMATION) height differences. Now, in addition to him being the leader, there's multiple episodes where Dot/Wakko will ask Yakko for permission to do stuff, like keeping the bunnies as pets or to watch TV.

It's a cute touch, a nice little reminder that "Oh yeah they're not triplets".

3. The PG rating has allowed for edgier jokes/language. Characters can say "Hell" now, Pinky almost said "bull-(you know what)" and Wakko almost said "motherf-(you know what)", then there's these:

It's dark but I think it's funny darn it 🤣.

4. Less mediocre segments. I've said it before, I'll say it again, the Warners, Pinky and the Brain and Slappy carried the original show. I also enjoyed Rita and Runt and Minerva Mink segments, but they were cut from the show after season 1, so that sucks. Every other segment on the show I consider kinda okay/mediocre/bad 🤷‍♀️. A lot of characters would've worked better as recurring characters within segments where they're not the stars. Honestly their absence is a positive in my book, while watching the original show I often found myself thinking "Man I wish this show only had the Warners, Pinky and the Brain and Slappy segments in it". I know Slappy isn't in the reboot but that's not a deal breaker for me (the other two segments are a lot more popular so I understand prioritising them). If no Slappy also means no Katie Kaboom, I'm good.

5. More heartfelt moments - outside of the Rita and Runt segments (as in there's a higher ratio of them, not trying to compare how heartfelt they are). In the original, pretty much the only segments that had heartfelt moments consistently was Rita and Runt (Rita's song about humans, "Smitten with Kitttens", "Puttin' on the Blitz", etc). This is fine, it's a comedy show; but it would have been nice if some of the characters that got a lot more screen time than those two (the Warners, Pinky and the Brain, etc) had some too, especially since there are no Rita and Runt segments past season 1 anyway.

I know before the reboot there were quite a quite few heartfelt moments related to Animaniacs-the climax of the Pinky and the Brain Christmas special, Dot's fake out death (spoilers for a movie from over two decades ago-yes it's that old get over it) in Wakko's Wish...basically all of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock". But most of those aren't actually in the original show, only one of them is. Wakko's Wish is a non-canon (I swear "Animaniacs" and "canon" are two words that don't mix but you get my point) movie and Pinky and the Brain series is a spin-off. If we're talking exclusively about the original series that ran from 1993 to 1998, then only "One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock" counts really.

Maaaaaybe that one moment in Taming of the Screwy when Scratchy tells the Warners to leave...but it was really quick and not taken that seriously (it kinda just felt like build up for a punchline) so I think that one's a stretch (although it was a little sad).

Meanwhile the reboot already has caught up to it (in only 13 episodes as well) with two moments; Brain's backstory in "Roadent Trip" and Yakko's panic attack in "Fear and Laughter in Burbank". They're both taken seriously, last over a minute and say something pretty interesting about the characters involved. It's just nice to see characters other than Rita and Runt be allowed to have emotional moments (again, within the actual show). It's on-par with the original in this regard despite having 86 less episodes. And there's probably more heartfelt moments to come!

6. The Warner's fangs:

They make them look a little more feral! 😁 Very fitting, I wish they had them originally now. I also appreciate that they (usually) don't have gaps in their teeth anymore. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE their TMS designs, but I honestly prefer the Warners with no gaps in their teeth.

7. The PatB segments. Just in general, overall I like them more than in the original show (I'm comparing them to the ones in the original Animaniacs, I'm not talking about the PatB segments in the spin off series, Pinky an the Brain). Not only are they more creative, with ideas like Future Brain and Julia, they also do the running gag thing less. What I mean is, in the original show their segments sometimes would have a running gag they do over and over within a segment, to the point where it becomes obvious that gag is how/related to how the plan is gonna fail. Some examples of segments that do this are "Bubba Bo Bob Brain", "Spellbound" and "Brain Meets Brawn". Now of course we know they're gonna fail, but trying to guess how they fail or the surprise how how they fail is one of the fun parts of their segments. Their segments are already quite formulaic, so why add to that? The reboot so far pretty much only did this once in "Close Encounters of the Worst Kind", so that's good.

8. More variety in terms of musical genres. Most of the songs in the old show are of the old-school Broadway type of music. There's a lot of orchestral music, a bit of jazz. Many songs just add lyrics to pre-existing music. Which is good, 'cause those songs are good. But I appreciate the reboot adding some other genres in there, like pop and hip hop. They're NOT what you'd expect an Animaniacs song to sound like, but they're still amazing! (like The Cutening song or Yakko's rap).

9. The Warners' morality. This one's really important. Ideally, the Warners should act like karmic tricksters. Yeah they can be annoying to anybody, but are generally harmless and actually pretty friendly if left alone/aren't being mistreated. Once someone actually provokes them though, they won't hesitate to humiliate, harm and drive insane their "special friend". This is explained well in "The Sound of Warners" (credit goes to clownmoontoon for the video):

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qnxp2bDmlE1r1jfup.mp4

Sometimes the Warners don't even need to be the ones being provoked for them to go after someone for being a jerk, like in "Morning Malaise", where they call out a radio show host for being rude to their guests, or in "Dot's Entertainment", where they call out a parody of Andrew Lloyd Webber for placing blame onto his actors.

But then in seasons 4 and 5 of the original show they start bothering people and legitimately harming people who literally weren't being rude to them at all. Some examples of this are "Anchors Awarners", "Acquaintances", and "Back in Style":

I guess I can understand in "Back in Style", they were mad about being sold off to other studios against their will, but they took it out on actors who probably had no say in the matter.

Thankfully, in the reboot they seem back to normal, once again only intentionally humiliating and/or harming people who actually provoked them, be it hunters ("Good Warner Hunting",) cocky athletes, ("Gold Meddlers"), rude conductors ("Here Comes Treble"), etc.

...and I think that's all I got. There are other things too but they're smaller points not really worth mentioning. I do like both series the same but wanted to praise the reboot specifically given that I have done multiple posts analysing the original show.

Season 2, here we come!

[crystalnet]

Current X-book Mood-Ring Guide

There are an awful lot of X-books on the shelves right now. They are most of my monthly haul. No joke it is at least 12 books at this point. So, in order to cope with that, I’ve organized all the books into one of four different categories, aka “booster-pack” themes. Click through if you want to jump aboard the best X-men run since Morrison before the boat pushes off for the Hellfire Gala this summer! These are the 4 categories:

-Mainline Blue/Gold-style 

-Jr. Mutants Academy 

-2nd-Wave Krakoa Niche (aka “the good stuff”)

-Cetera

#1. Mainline Blue/Gold-style

Mood-color/vibe: Actually 90s-style Blue/Gold and like bright primary colors (but also muddy-ass colors from X-factor). 

Books included: X-men, Excalibur, Marauders, X-force

Typical Pokemon: Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Wolverine, Betsy Braddock, Kate Pride, Beast, Black Tom, Storm, Bishop, Emma Frost, Rogue, Gambit, Jubilee, Kid Omega, Domino, a Pyro, Iceman, Avalanche. Rare drops: Apocalypse, X-23, Synch, Darwin, Kid Cable, Fantomex (in that Giant-Sized!)

These be the books for someone who wants those direct, mainline, core-members-style lineups. On the main book (adjective/word-play-less X-men) Hickman/Yu have worked wonders with their run, but it hasn’t been a stable team, instead focusing on Scott and his adventures dealing with some of the more prominent threats to Krakoa. 

So it’s essentially been a revolving door of a book with Cyclops sometimes leading assaults against major problems and sometimes just being a dad to teenagers from the future, and it’s been generally great. 

Meanwhile, the teams we find on the other 3 books could basically be a main X-men team if you just throw Jean/Scott/Logan onto them (except for X-force because Logan is usually on that one, actually, and Jean sort of is..)

X-force: Wolverine usually, Kid Omega, Beast, Jean (quitting?/back-up), Domino sorta, Sage, Black Tom Cassidy, Colossus once? Forge sorta. [Lot’s of backup or sometimes-members on this team but kinda centers on Beast, Omega, Wolverine and Jean or Domino]

Excalibur: Betsy Braddock, Rogue, Jubilee, Gambit, Avalanche, baby/dragon Shogo, Apocalypse (honorary, mia)

Marauders: Kate Pride, Storm, Emma Frost, a Pyro, Iceman, Bishop

On X-force, you get a little Morrison-homage energy going on what with Beast being sus, Quentin Quire having a character arc and dating a cuckoo and then all the body-horror. This one hasn’t been amazing and the art sometimes has issues for me but it’s been a solid expansion on Krakoa-Era lore. 

On Marauders, you get a book centered on Kate Pride and the Hellfire Club. It’s been aight but I’m not the biggest Kate fan. Definitely has heart and the art has been beautiful. 

Excalibur started a little weird for me... I lack the references or attachment to Otherworld or Davis/Moore-era Excalibur so I don’t think I’m even really the target demo, but I will say it recently, post-X of Swords-- which it set up single-handedly basically [along w/ one ish of X-men]-- has gotten more interesting in recent months. The Betsy + Kwannon stuff was great! And Howard did great with Apocalypse before he went off to another dimension. (points off for iffy color-palettes sometimes). 

#2. Jr. Mutants Academy

Mood-color/vibe: Pastel

Books: New Mutants, X-factor, Children of the Atom, Cable

Common Pokemon: Magik, Cable, Rachel Summers, Doug, Warlock, Armor, Boom Boom, Scout, Dani, Warpath, Karma, Glob, Beak, Daken, Eye-boy, North Star, Rachael, Prodigy those Children of the Atom kids, Magma, Rahne, and a lot of lil kid mutants runnin’ around in Akademos/the Wild Hunt area of Krakoa whose names I don’t know yet.

This is the junior-crew club. New Mutants would be in the Blue/Gold books practically due to being part of the first wave of post-HoX/DoX books, but its basically been 3 different books/teams over its run and along w/ Children/Cable/X-Factor, it feels like there a whole handful of books offering up junior-crew shenanigans specifically. 

So New Mutants has been all over the place, starting with a lineup of OG Claremont era New Muties, then focusing on a team consisting of Glob, Armor and Boom Boom (perpetual...”young adult” I guess?), now settling on a new team under Vita Ayala with Magik and Warpath heading up a squad of young ‘uns (beautiful art on the recent stretch). Hopefully it’s settling into its self now, because I can see longevity for this new squad... maybe. 

I still have to read the 2nd issue of Children of the Atom,  but am intrigued by it. X-factor meanwhile seems to be focusing on queer representation with people like Prodigy, Daken, North Star and Rachel on the same group together. Polaris started out the lead of that title only to be plucked out by Duggan (or the fanbase) for the main X-team coming up. This honestly makes sense, because even though she isn’t drawn this way, shouldn’t Polaris be considerably older than someone like Rachel? Eh. 

Also, in issue #4 of X-factor we had a beautiful homage to the Academy X mutants, with several cameos, so it seems like Marvel is intentionally using these junior-crew books to acknowledge all the various junior-crews, whether it be OG Claremont kids, Generation X people, the kids intro’d under Morrison and Whedon, or even the dang ‘ol Academy X ones, they seem to all be getting at least some representation in some book. 

Also Cable owns. Didn’t know I’d like the Kid-Cable guy until this book and his appearances in the main title, but now it’s confirmed. Him dating Esme, Kid Omega dating Phoebe? These crazy telepaths! Anyway, I hope Duggan’s main-team book is more like Cable than Marauders, in terms of pacing and characterization, but they both have beautiful art!

New mutants: Karma, Magik, Mirage, Scout, Warlock, Warpath and Wolfsbane

X-factor: Daken, Eye-boy, Polaris (quit?), North Star, Rachael, Prodigy

#3. 2nd-gen Krakoa Niche aka “the good stuff”

mood-color/vibe: purples, metaphysical/cosmic pallets, tertiary colors

books included: Hellions, S.W.O.R.D., Way of X

common Pokemon: I mean they’re basically all rare drops

This is the good stuff! Who would have thought. And when I think about it,  Way of X and S.W.O.R.D., as part of the second wave of Krakoa-era books that started with Cable, both address some of the core issues and ideas that the whole HoX/DoX mini kicked off better than-- or at least more directly-- the other books. So I guess the non X-men, first-wave Krakoa books feel “mainline” in terms of their team lineups, but in terms of content, these newer ones almost feel more relevant by design. S.W.O.R.D. focuses on the cosmic context of the mutants post-Krakoa and Way is Kurt’s first spot-light moment in the era and is expressly concerned with Kurt’s addressing of the deeper moral quandaries that a people who have conquered death will be faced with. I mean, it's expressly about religion and like, spirituality-- a very tall order, but first issue pulled it off super deftly.

Also Hellions is better than it has any business being! Read this if you want savagely dark humor and some very obscure mutants + Havok/Psylocke/Sinister. But if I had to reccomend one, it’d be a tie b/w S.W.O.R.D and Way. First issue of Way was exceptional and got right into things and Kurt’s very well-written and will surely prove a meditative lead for a book like this, whereas S.W.O.R.D is epic in scale while still have sick character moments/dialogue. Manifold had a great issue or two and is now my favorite new mutant, even in the context of a somehow-actually-good King in Black tie-in. Damn! And everything going on b/w Magneto and Fabian Cortez (who was made to argue for why mutants should be allowed to murder “flatscans”/humans to the whole Krakoan council this week whilst naked. It’s fantastic. Hell, even the Snark-War sounds...interesting? What’s happening to me. 

S.W.O.R.D.: Fabian Cortez, Magneto, Abigail Brand, Peeper, Manifold, Wiz-Kid, Mentallo, Fenzy

Children of the Atom: Cherub, Marvel Guy, Cyclops-Lass (?), Gimmick, Daycrawler

Hellions: Havok, Psylocke, Empath, Orphan-Maker, Nanny, Wild Child, Sinister, Greycrow

#4. Cetera

Mood-color/vibe: colorless, “normal” element

Books included: Fallen Angels (complete 6-ish mini), All the damn Wolverine books, the uh Sword of X “guidebook” and the new Peach Momoko Demon Days books and whatever X-men Legends is.

These are titles which are either complete or don’t fit in with other things or in Demon Days or the X-men Legends’ books’ case, I think don’t even occur in-universe. And per usual of course there are multiple Wolverine books... the main one seems fine. 

Anyway all-in-all, these books are doing weirdly well. Mutants as a concept shouldn't be able to be spread this thin story-telling wise, but the books don’t really feel redundant and most are filling a specific niche or purpose. I may be dropping some of the first-wave Blue/Gold style books (Marauders and X-force I'll probably just check in on from time-to-time), but S.W.O.R.D., Way, the main book under Hickman or Duggan and Hellions all have me verrrrrry satisfied. Even standard stories in the Krakoa era feel special, and that speaks to the power of Hickman’s vision. Hellfire Gala, here we come. 

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 189 - I still have no clue why the lords' sanctuary is used as a grave like okay yeah I do it's mostly symbolic and to grieve but I still think it doesn't make sense. All the other uses? Yeah cool. Grave? Nah, not when purebloods dissipate into red mist when they die. Extremely funny imagining mvp lord picking out a fancy coffin full well knowing he won't leave a corpse though like okay king <3 and I haven't even started on those damn stairs.

- Everytime Rael's being cringe I flash through renditions of memes that cover the general energy of habitual suffering that is simultaneously willing yet forced.

- Tbh as someone who doesn't particularly believe in the whole concept of honourable fighting unless it's sports or agreed upon beforehand by all parties and because they're going against what they perceive as traitors or invaders... Rajak shouldn't be scolding Rael for trying to get rid of the trio.

Chapter 190 - Here they know the traiters were behind the Loyard massacre but later Seira doesn't even think that Zarga may have played a part until he said it himself so what's the truth.

- Really, Rousare having died should make it obvious that Gejutel wasn't involved and prevent all this. At least Ludis has some sense.

- Ah, time for grandpa's trashtalk.

Chapter 191 - It always drives me insane that Raskreia knows jack shit about Frankenstein and Raizel like she really did not give a fuck about them did she lmao? Oh father has sent clan leaders out on an arrest warrant? Oh father asks me to regularly visit this random stranger who he adores often and wishes for him to be lord? Why would I ever wish to learn more about them? Like queen ily but keep track of important events in Lukedonia even before you're lord please.

- I know Gejutel's just bullshitting but like. The traitors having foresight? Sjjsjsis where? Lagus and Roctis yeah sure I get it. But the rest? Ignes literally experimented on ppl in Lukedonia. Urokai, as much as I love him, is definitely the stupid dumbass of the group. Zarga if he had any foresight would have either just stayed on Lukedonia and chilled as a loner or had a heir who he passed Lontrick on to and left Lukedonia to once again chill as a loner since unlike the others he only disagreed with the new ideals rather than wanting to actively murder someone. As for Gradeus... we know he can use his brain but he really turned it off entirely when deciding to install bloodstones huh? Like if all you want to do is fight than becoming that strong even when you're already the strongest around is not gonna be enjoyable. Well then he went cuckoo so whtever. Ofc I do wonder whether his goal went from enjoying fighting to mere murder before or after he was exposed to bloodstones and the same for him massacring his clan since the options have implications.

- And here we are at the "clan leaders should go into eternal sleep with the lord" bullshit. Like sorry but just cos the good guys are the ones spouting it doesn't mean I'll ever agree with it. Like tf. It makes me think immediately of rulers who had their servants buried alive with them, emperors whose harems were killed upon their deaths, wives set fire upon their husbands funerals, etc. It is interesting ofc that even nobles who are very obviously written as the best race in noblesse have such regressive and cruel practices. Much more fascinating to have humans take inspiration from them for both good and bad after all.

- Grandpa really tried to be mean so Raskreia wouldn't feel bad executing him huh. Not that it worked ofc.

Chapter 192 - It's so funny that Raizel changes his clothes to Lukedonia's black and gold upon entering because like, did he feel like the odd one out or something?

- Darling clan leaders, I'll excuse your ignorance and underestimation of the enemy, but esteemed lord please, you should know better.

- Hilarious that Gejutel saw that the current gen had extremely spotty knowledge due to their predecessors being like that ig but instead of fixing that he essentially went "It's none of my business idc idc" and ignored it until it came back to bite him in the ass. Like at least tell the lord about all this pls. She should know what a noblesse is 😭

Chapter 193 - Rip Karias not finding everyone in the throne room. It's like when a class gets changed last minute and you have no clue which new place it's in.

- Raizel just take the earring off normally I swear. Imagine having only one memento from a friend you actually meant to keep but you just tear it apart. I would cry.

- Gejutel being apologetic about making Raizel use his lifeforce... grandpa,,,

Chapter 194 - The fact that Ludis' eyes glow as he sets up the protection for the sanctuary,,, love him.

- Insert 300 page analysis on Raskreia's relationship with being lord and just her in general here. I'm too lazy to type it out so insecurities, lack of communication, lack of clarity, formality and duty leading to distant relationships, etc etc etc.

Chapter 195 - This is so rude 😤

- God Karias' entrance and interactions with everyone,,, the way he fusses over Raskreia openly, the way Rozaria beckons him over, them,,,

Chaoter 196 - "The clan leaders share my thoughts" obviously not with the traitors. Well Roctis may have agreed but Ignes prevented him from all that. Still, even from the other 4 non traitors of Ru, Elenor, Loyard and Mergas, it's very much possible they disagreed but simply kept quiet about their thoughts because how dare they go against the lord? I mean, the track record isn't exactly great and that's just how it is in these sort of systems.

- Well I definitely think the method he decided on was stupid but I do think mvp lord's sentiment was very sweet. And ofc just how he wants the best for Raizel... it makes me sad everytime like he just wants him to be happy and be able to enjoy life and yet. Just how his message always has him with that soft smile for Raizel as he tells him to live a long joyous life... that he wants him to be safe... that he's happy he's been outlived... gonna go cry brb..

Chapter 197 - Yeah just gonna ignore and replace the misogynistic bs they make mvp lord spout with like "Be wary of men; instead of wasting time beating them up see if you have any interest in women instead. Especially if they're not nobles. Only wear what you're comfortable with and don't let anyone pressure you. Remember to train often with swords or your skills will become rusty. Etc etc etc."

Chapter 198 - At least he has earring number 2 ig

- "This house is a little old and needs some renovation" It's great that you're being tactful but Tao we both know that this estate that hasn't had any upkeep for at least 5 centuries needs a hell lot more than a little fixing.

- M-21 just has his priorities straight okay,,, you all do need to change.

- Why did Tao pack aprons and gloves for the trip?

[asbcblog]

TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.  

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina 

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.  

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty, 

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

[theritualofourexistence]

Odes to Old Gods

I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad. 

Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April. 

Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too. 

I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post. 

A few quick caveats: 

This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos. 

It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.

I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.

Things I have survived in 2020:

- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.

- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.

- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.

- The fires in Australia.

- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s. 

- Losing Kobe Bryant.

- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.

- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose. 

- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.

[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]

- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family. 

- Losing my health insurance.

- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.

- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.

- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.

- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.

- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.

- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option. 

- Being diagnosed with hypertension.

- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.

- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.

- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection. 

- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.

- The actual election.

- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.

- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.

- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.

- Missing Christmas with my extended family.

- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.

That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.

Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:

- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job. 

- Hypertension! More on this later.

- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night. 

- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.

----

This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.

----

There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.

----

In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:

”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January. 

Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.

In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:

“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.” 

In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.

Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while. 

In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice. 

----

This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.

----

This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.

I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.   

----

I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too. 

“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

[purplesurveys]

953

How old are you? 22.

Do you live in North America? No, kinda far from there.

Do you love dogs? I love all dogs, but there are breeds I personally don’t like.

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? Not at all, I was right smack in the middle of it. I wasn’t born when the first book got released and only 13 when Part 2 of HP7 came out.

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? I don’t think my parents did. But this reminds me of a cute story my dad shared recently; he had used his first salary to buy a VCR and the first VHS he bought alongside it was Terminator 2 and then he watched it with my grandma :’) Stories like that make me wish they were better at keeping stuff from their early adulthood. I find it all very interesting.

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? I’ve only seen him in The Shining and have watched only bits of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, but it’s enough for me to like him.

Have you ever watched an episode of "The Honeymooners"? No.

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? Yes, a red pair. I bought it mostly because my favorite girl wrestler (when she still wrestled) wore Chucks as her wrestling boots which was super badass at the time (honestly still is). When she retired, I stopped using the pair because I was personally never into the high-top look hahaha, and I think my mom gave it away a few years later.

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I don’t have any rain boots. It rarely floods where I live anyway.

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Probably the apple. I can’t stand the smell of oranges so I doubt my mind could be changed with how it tastes.

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? I’d go with cartwheels as it’s a little easier to move around underwater, and with enough practice I’m sure I could get a backflip down.

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yes.

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? No. But I also don’t think we had goths lmao. I wasn’t afraid of anyone except probably for the bitchy seniors who always seemed to hate the idea of younger students existing.

What size is your mattress? (single,twin,double,queen,king) Twin, which I think is synonymous with single lol.

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? I eat from all of them everyday except for fruits, but I’m not sure if they’re a group of their own. The charts are always changing and I don’t know what four you’re referring too :/

Would you rather watch a movie in theater or at home? I liked going to the theater, especially for certain movies that I was really excited about and wanted to see. There’s certain ones you definitely have to experience in theaters. Then there’s some where I’m like, “Eh, it looks like it might be kinda good, but I can wait until it’s out of theaters to see it.” < All this.

Do you prefer brown or white rice? White.

Do you like spaghetti? Sure! There are other pastas I like more, though.

What about lasagna? It’s okay. It’s a hit or miss for me. Some lasagna dishes I’ve had have tasted a bit cheap, but when it’s made well it can be really delicious.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yeah, but I find it more of an escape than a celebration because I tend to get the most depressed around Christmas season. Being with family and getting to eat lots of food and using my new gifts can be distracting enough. 

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? We don’t celebrate that.

Do you like chocolate bars? If it has peanut butter in it, yes.

What about ice cream? Only certain flavors.

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Nothing other than ants and jellyfish.

Do you have GOD-GIVEN (not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have black hair but I think I inherited it from my parents...

Or were you born blonde? See above.

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? I remember my mom finding one on me when I was like 11, but it never happened again.

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Nopes.

Have you ever been screened for STDs? No.

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? They aren’t. I don’t know when it’ll happen to me lol, that area of my mouth has never had any trouble or been in pain.

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No.

Did you have your appendix taken out? No. Other than a tooth, no body parts have been taken out of me.

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) See above.

Would you (to save someone)? If the person needing one means so so so so so so so much to me. And that narrows down the list very much, so I wouldn’t give a kidney to just anyone.

If you were dying of starvation, would you eat another human? Probably, but only if I was in an extreme situation. Like if a plane I was in crashed in a remote island lol.

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? I don’t think so.

Do you like Harry Potter? No.

What about Twilight? Read all books and watched all movies more times than I can count.

How do you feel about Lord of the rings? Bored me to death. I remember the disappointment I felt when I started The Hobbit and realized I wouldn’t be able to make it past the first page.

Are you going to see 'The Hobbit' when it comes out? I did not.

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian' on it? No, I’ve never heard of that.

Do you have any collector's glasses or cups or mugs? My mom has Starbucks mugs which I know some people collect.

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel.

What size shoe do you wear? My feet can fit anywhere from size 6–7.5.

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? It’s average and small.

Do you bite your nails when you're stressed? Yep. Sometimes I also use my nails themselves to fidget with the other nails.

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? I don’t. When it comes to food, I’m so glad I don’t have any allergies.

Are you on the birth control pill? Nope.

Or are you trying to get pregnant? Certainly not at this point in my life.

You'd rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Neither. I like my sneakers white.

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yeah.

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? No. We only have plum soju that just tastes like kid’s medicine.

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called "Mr. Dressup"? Never have.

What about the kids show "Fred Penner's Place"? No.

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? I mean it wasn’t my favorite since I didn’t have access to the show and only saw snippets here and there, but I don’t have anything against it at all. I just liked other kid’s shows more.

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some (or a lot) of health issues? Other than my dehydration issues as a newborn, I was a pretty healthy baby.

What are those 'said' health issues? My parents didn’t know I was lactose intolerant so my body wasn’t actually digesting the milk I was fed for a few weeks, and it eventually became a problem when I got dehydrated and my stomach started deflating like crazy. 

Do you collect DVDs? I wouldn’t say I collected them as a kid. I just liked having DVDs of my favorite movies, but I didn’t make it a goal to have hundreds of them.

Do you download music? I did, but I haven’t for a while now.

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? I don’t do that anymore. Everything is online.

[bamon4bamily]

TVD 9x05 (part 3 of 3) Enjoy! =)

Cut back to the October 31st, 1886, flashback scene –  New Jersey State Lunatic Asylum.

DOCTOR: (Infuriated) What do you mean the patient is gone?!!

NURSE: I went to get more medication and when I returned, she was gone. Doctor, I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened, she was fully restrained and sedated…

DOCTOR: You, incompetent fool! Do you realize what you just allowed to be released into this world?!! Leave, immediately!

NURSE: Doctor, please, I…

DOCTOR: Are you also incapable of comprehending words? I said, leave! (Nurse leaves, Doctor 2 enters).

DOCTOR 2: Doctor, what on earth is going on?

DOCTOR: We have a serious problem…

Cut to, present-day, October 31st – Freaky old mansion. Darius and a group of hooded people are in the backyard woods, doing some weird ritualistic ceremony. As the full moon rises, they gather around a Hecate’s wheel symbol and chant.

CHANTS:

Nos stare in lumine lunae.

Sanctifica eve est, ille est aditus.

Electus ortu tenebris est virtus.

Et infirmi erunt: et cum exarserit post ortum iluminati.

Cut to – The Mayor’s House. Edward is in the dining room, having dinner by himself. The black box he had received earlier is placed in front of his plate; the balloon, tied to the chair in front of him. He looks out of himself… staring into nothing.

 ANTHONY: Sir, your guests will be arriving soon; shouldn’t you start getting ready?

EDWARD: (Dazing at nothingness) Yes… probably…

ANTHONY: Sir, if I may say… I know this night brings up memories, but you must allow yourself to let that go. You are a good man; you deserve to be happy, find some peace.

EDWARD: After everything that I have done, do you honestly believe that?

ANTHONY: With all my heart. I know you, Sir; I have seen your dark and your light.

EDWARD: You have probably seen much more than what you bargained for.

ANTHONY: At my age, Sir, I have seen much worse, trust me.

EDWARD: Got to love your sense of humor. I will never understand why genetics didn’t make you my father.

ANTHONY: Excuse me for saying this, but I think I am the only father figure you have ever known.

EDWARD: That is very true… And, I want you to know, that whatever happens, I will forever be thankful for having you in my life. After my mother, you are the only person that has made my life have any sort of meaning.

ANTHONY: Sir, don’t say that. I’m grateful for your kind words but with or without me, and dare I say, with or without her, your life has meaning. You just need to see beyond those smoking mirrors that cloud your mind, believe in yourself.

EDWARD: Always so observant….

ANTHONY: So much that I’m going to step out of my place and ask, have you told the Sheriff? 

EDWARD: Oh, will you look at the time! I need to go get ready before my guests arrive. (Takes the black box and leaves, a saddened look on Anthony’s face).

Cut to - The Salvatore house, the gang is back from trick or treating; they are having a drink before heading out to Klaus’s.

 ALARIC: Well, gang, the time has come… everyone ready to do this?

RADKA: As ready as we will ever be; so, (puts her cup up for a toast) I propose a toast: to friendship, family and love, the most important things in life!

EVERYONE: Cheers! (They toast, hug, share a laugh or two).

CAROLINE: (Chugs a shot) Okay, Alaric and I need to go tuck the girls in; we’ll be back in a sec. (They go upstairs).

 As they start getting ready to leave, Damon takes Bonnie outside.

BONNIE: Damon, what’s going on? Don’t tell me you changed your mind about the costume!

DAMON: No matter how many times I try, I don’t seem to get this right, so I’m just going to say it…

BONNIE: Say what?

DAMON: 73,0408...

BONNIE: (Confused) Damon, that makes no sense, are you honestly drunk right now? 

DAMON: That’s the number of days I’ve been on this earth, give or take. And, out of those, 3650 have been the best ones… because you have been a part of them...

BONNIE: Damon…

DAMON: It took me multiple lifetimes to realize what the best things in life are truly about… and that was thanks to you, to this unlikely friendship, which is, beyond a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even when I didn’t know it, and, for the life of me, I still can’t believe I was so blind…

BONNIE: Damon, please, don’t…

DAMON:

Day 1:That Halloween party, when I tried to grab your amulet… I didn’t realize what it meant at the time, psycho mode an all, but it was the first time in my life that I had ever felt an instant connection, an unexplainable draw towards someone… 

Day 2: When I went looking for you at your school, leaned into you and told you I was only trying to protect you… granted it was not the best approach, I know, but I felt it, the tension, the chemistry...

Day 3: The 60’s decade dance… (looking into her eyes) God those eyes… I could have danced, and stared at them all night… 

Day 4: When I finally found you on that creep island… that hug spoke for itself, but swear I had never felt such relief…

Day 5: There were probably about a million people you would have rather been with… how lucky was I to be the one?

The 122 days back in 94. I think those were one of the best ones... Just you, me, vampcakes, crossword puzzles, plaid shirts, The Bodyguard, Monopoly, Tetris, Miss. Cuddles, bourbon, Boyz II Men...

.. and, well, Kai, but...

BONNIE: (In a cold and harsh tone) Damon, stop! (Damon stops cold in his tracks, then Bonnie transitions into a teasing tone) You aren’t really gonna go on for 3645 more days, are you? We’ll be here forever…

DAMON: However long it takes… 

(Softly, places his hands on her cheeks and stares deep into her eyes) You are my person, Bon-Bon… You make me laugh, so much that I actually cry! You make me think, own up to my decisions, don’t take my crap, and boy, do I have some crap! When I’m with you, I feel at home... I am home... you are my home, Bon. You are the reason I know what it means to be alive... the reason I know what it means to love...And, well...I just can’t fight this feeling anymore...  (Damon takes out his phone, puts on a song, and holds the phone above his head, in reference to the famous John Cusak scene. Bonnie can’t help but crack up). 

BONNIE: You’re crazy...

DAMON: Absolutely bunkers, one flew over cuckoo's nest, for you... I love you, Bonnie Sheila Bennett and all I want to do is to keep loving you, every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year of my life… and afterlife…  (slowly leans in for a kiss… ).

CAROLINE: (Caroline walks outside, unaware of the situation). Hey guys, the girls are tucked in; we are ready to… (she realizes the moment she has, once again, interrupted) Oh my god!!! I’m so sorry!! Leaving now! (Vamps out).

DAMON: I swear, I could kill Goldie Locks, right about now!!!

BONNIE: (Laughs) Hey...come here (pulls him in for a kiss).

 Caroline vamps her way back into the living room, pulls Stefan aside.

 CAROLINE: Oh my god, Stefan, you won’t believe what is happening right now! Granted I almost sabotaged the moment, once again, but at last!

STEFAN: Damon and Bonnie?

CAROLINE: You know it!

STEFAN: Well, it was about time…

CAROLINE: Right!?

KATHERINE: (Who has sneaked in on their conversation) Please, I called it from a mile away! But, hey, good for them! I mean, let’s be honest, we all knew the Elena thing was rooted on Damon’s fixation over me… I mean, their relationship was even more toxic than ours! But I must admit, I’m actually happy for him, despite my everlasting loath, it’s somewhat nice to see him make the right choice, for once.  

CAROLINE: Aw, hello, creeper!? Did we ask for your opinion?

KATHERINE: What about bygones?

CAROLINE: One day at a time… (Damon and Bonnie come back inside)

KATHERINE: So, are you two love birds ready to go? (They all look at them with a smirk on their faces).

Cut to – The Mikaelson mansion. Danae comes running through the front door. Klaus, looking pissed, is sitting on the piano bench, playing random keynotes.

 DANAE: Hello dear (kisses him on the cheek), I’m sorry I’m so late; I had one of my migraines and needed to compose myself before heading back. (Looks around) Good, no one is here yet. Love, what’s with the face? I told you I was sorry …

KLAUS: Just get ready, they will be arriving any time now.

DANAE: Don’t be mad, I told you I’d be here… and I’m here… better late than never.

KLAUS: I’m just a bit on edge, nothing personal.

DANAE: Don’t be, we have nothing to worry about. With my migraine came a vision, and I can assure you, we are going to be fine, I promise (hugs him). Now, let me go get changed, I’ll be down in a few. (Doorbell rings, Klaus opens the door).

KLAUS: (Looks at Damon, cracks up). Don’t you look lovely!

DAMON: Oh, shut up! (Pushes him aside, walks inside).

KLAUS: Now, you (referring to Bonnie)... I think you just stole my soul…

BONNIE: As if you had one… (pushes him aside, walks inside)

KLAUS: Ouch, Bonnie, that hurt. So, where are the others?

BONNIE: They were right behind us, they should be here soon.

KLAUS: (They settle down in the living room). Can I offer you a drink?

DAMON: Yes, two bourbons, on the rocks.

KLAUS: (Doorbell rings again) Well, you are going to have to fetch it yourself (signals to the bar, then goes to open the front door).

STRANGER: Is Tamara here?

KLAUS: Sorry, love, wrong house. (Shuts the door, goes back to the living room)

BONNIE: Who was it?

KLAUS: Drunken teen… Anyway, while we wait for the others, I must ask one last time (to Bonnie) are you sure you are ready to do this, love? We can call it quits, come up with another plan…

BONNIE: Oh, I’m ready. (With sarcasm) Question is, are you?

KLAUS: Feisty, I love it (gives her a smirk) …

DAMON: Hey, down boy…

KLAUS: Oh, relax Damon, always so protective of your precious Bon-Bon. (Danae comes down and joins them). Love, you look breathtaking (kisses her on the cheek)…

DANAE: Thank you, dear, this was all five minutes could do for me. (Turns to Bonnie) Hello Bonnie, you are looking ravishing…

BONNIE: Thank you, (to herself) I guess?

DANAE: (Turns to Damon) You, on the order hand…

DAMON: Yep, I know. (Doorbell rings).

BONINE: That must be Caroline and Alaric…

DANAE: I’ll get it (goes to open the door). Caroline, (referring to her costume) I must say, I expected more from you…

CAROLINE: Don’t even get me started… (walks in).

DANAE: Alaric, Radka, love the costumes… where is Sergei?

ALARIC: He stayed at the mansion with Stefan, in case he needs back up.

DANAE: Good call; come on in, everyone is in the living room. (As she is about to shut the door)

KATHERINE: Hey, wait for me (walking clumsy, trying not to stumble on her dress again).

 (Everyone gathers in the living room)

 ALARIC: Tyler, Matt, Lexie and Khuyana should be here soon; in the meantime, should we go through the plan one last time?

KLAUS: I think we have done that more than enough; let’s just enjoy our drinks while we wait.

 Cut to - The Salvatore mansion, Elena and Sam ring the bell; Stefan opens the door.

 ELENA: (Stares at Stefan in disbelief and tear eyed, she was not expecting to be so affected by seeing him) Stefan… (tears dripping down her face) Oh, my god… (hugs him real tight and for quite some time).

STEFAN: (Also tear eyed) Elena… (bit of an awkward moment with Sam just standing there; after a couple of minutes they finally stop hugging).

SAM: So, you are the famous Stefan? Great to finally meet you, I’m Sam (they shake hands).

STEFAN: Nice to meet you too, come on in.

ELENA: (As she walks inside and realizes no one is there) Where is everyone?

STEFAN: Guessing Caroline and Bonnie didn’t put you up to date?

ELENA: About?

STEFAN: Oh god, let me offer you guys a drink first, and I’ll explain. (As he is preparing the drinks).

ELENA: Stefan, what’s going on?

STEFAN: (Nervously) Lemons, we need lemons… lemons, yes, in the kitchen... (rushes out).

SAM: Well, this is really getting awkward…

ELENA: Something is going on... (gets her phone out, calls Caroline, goes to voice message) Caroline Elizabeth Forbes, what the hell is going on! (Calls Bonnie but it also goes to voice message) Bonnie Sheila Bennett, you better tell me what is happening!!! (To Sam) I can’t believe they’d leave me out of the loop like this!

SAM: Maybe they are just looking out for you…

ELENA: I don’t need to be looked for; I can handle myself.

SAM: I know you can, but I think they just wanted to respect your wishes of not being involved with the crazy supernatural things anymore…

ELENA: That’s no excuse… (gets up, walks to the kitchen, where Stefan is desperately trying to reach Caroline on her phone). 

STEFAN: (Leaving a voice message) Care, I think you forgot one tiny little detail in your master plan... Elena! (Hangs up).

ELENA: Stefan, tell me what is going on?

STEFAN: Fine; let’s go back to the living room, I’ll tell you everything I know.

ELENA: (As Stefan is walking out) Wait, what about the lemons?

 Cut to – The Mayor’s house. Edward is greeting his guests as they arrive.

EDWARD: Welcome everyone... (To a mysterious looking lady, wearing some very peculiar gloves) Madame (kisses her hand), always a pleasure.

MADAME: Thank you, my dear (winks at him; walks inside).

EDWARD: (Greets her companion) Mr. Northcott (shakes his hand), happy you made it. Please, come in…. (points to the lounge are) indulge.

 Cut back to the Mikaelson mansion.

 KLAUS: I think it’s safe to say that Donovan is a no show; why am I not surprised.

KHUYANA: (Rolls her eyes at him) I’m sorry you guys, he promised he would be here.

ALARIC: Well, we can’t wait anymore, it’s almost midnight, we need to take our places.

BONNIE: We really do.  (To Danae) Let’s go. (As they are about to head upstairs…)

DAMON: Wait… (pulls Bonnie towards him, kisses her, and whispers in her ear) I love you, don’t you ever forget that. Please, be safe.

BONNIE: (Whispers back) I will… we got this… we are Batman and Robin, we kick ass! (Damon smirks) Oh, and just in case it wasn’t clear before, I love you too (kisses him).

 KLAUS: (Snarky) Oh, lovely... 

Cut back to – Creepy old mansion, in what looks to be an underground bunker lab. Darius is outside a heavily sealed and guarded door, with some weird-ass Scientestis that are injecting him with something; Matt, walks in.

 DARIUS: Sheriff (with sarcasm), glad to know you can figure out coordinates. You actually made it...

MATT: I didn’t have much of a choice.

DARIUS: Oh, come on, you know better than anyone that there is always a choice… (Matt hands him the key that had been sent to him before). Oh no, there is a reason why you are here; you are the only one that can access it.

MATT: And why is that?

DARIUS: I only know the how not the why… (hands him the chess piece that had been sent to him before by Edward. Matt turns the chess piece around; a code and the letter “L” are engraved on the bottom).

MATT: (Knowing Edward had been sent that same chess piece just a few hours ago) Wait… how?

DARIUS: Oh Sheriff, you truly underestimate my intelligence; you do know I am a certified genius, right? Edward might have more pull, you know how “the elite” are, but I am much smarter than he is. You really should have better instincts when choosing your alliances… (Darius looks at the clock). One minute till midnight…Time to play (winks).

 The clock strikes midnight… the witching hour has begun.

Bonnie shuts her eyes and releases her psychic block. Danae is holding her hand, chanting. Suddenly, an overwhelming energy blast emanates from Bonnie… 

Then, a total blackout, absolute silence. An uncanny feeling of calmness, not fitting with the expected scenario. Seems like the moment, and everyone in it has been suspended in time. After a few minutes, Bonnie opens her eyes, she looks around. The place seems familiar, but something is off… Why is she alone? Why can’t she remember where she is, or why she is even there? The darkness, the smell of ashes, the silence, the debris… something horrible must have happened here… but what? And why was she there? Bonnie gets up slowly, the place in utter devastation. She walks, for miles and miles amongst ruins and debris… no movement, no sound, no light, no life…  

Why did this place feel so familiar to her? As she continues to walk, trying to remember anything that can help her figure out why she is there, and how she can get out, she stumbles upon another familiar sighting… an old mansion, which strangely, still stands intact. Maybe not the wisest decision, but she had to check it out, it was as if something was pulling her in. She opens the door, walks inside… 

How could this be possible? Where did all these people come from? That music, she has heard it before… How could this place have survived? She takes a glimpse of herself in a nearby mirror… How? She looks ravishing, no doubt, but when did she change into that that attire? 

A man approaches her, she knows him, so much in fact, that she is pretty sure she is in love with him. The man grabs her hand, kisses it with delicate caress…

DARIUS: My love, I’ve been expecting you…

BONNIE: I know… (winks, then pulls him in for a passionate kiss).

TVD 9x06 coming next! =)

Sorry, it took me so long to update, has been quite crazy, but at last! =)

TVD Season 9 Fanfic, hope you keep stopping by, reading and enjoying! =)

[dansnaturepictures]

My 10 Wildlife/Photography 2019 highlight blogs: Opening blog about another brilliant year of birds for me

People who have known me for a while may recall that in 2016, 2017 and 2018 I had sensational birding years by my standards and with what I achieved with the bank of species seen, fast starts to year lists and year list totals with each of these years overtaking everything else and being my highest ever year list they got better and better and 2018 seemed an impossible act to follow. Here I examine how well I did follow it, and tomorrow the post at around the same time is solely about experiences with some of my 28 favourite birds that I saw this year.

My 2019 followed 2018 perfectly, I have seen 195 species currently making it my second highest year list ever. Many of the species I have seen have been phenomenal again. The start definitely was what I will call fast again in that I saw a lot of birds in January, it was my second highest amount seen on New Year’s Day after 2016 where two woodpeckers Great Spotted and Green, two thrushes Redwing and Fieldfare and Siskin starred across a few locations. In the early days it was behind where 2017 and 2016 had been on those dates with how many birds I had seen, then all of a sudden when I had a week off it was the highest a year list of mine had ever been on on given dates. In mid-January when a year before my Scotland trip had happened in 2018 and all those year ticks 2018 was the highest on the given dates, but 2019 stayed closely behind it as the second highest my year list had been on on these dates which I was thrilled with. This continued in February and in March it even overtook where 2018 had been on certain dates. The same happened in April as I reached the milestone 150 birds a day earlier than I had in 2018, and it was neck in neck between the two going into May. In June and into July it even overtook what I had seen on 2018 on the dates, it fell behind again over the summer but pulled back level and began to overtake what my 2018 had been on on certain dates again in September and these two year lists were way ahead of every other year for me on those dates going into October too. Of course last year in this post I remarked how I was on amounts of birds seen in 2018 that I only reached two months later in 2017 and other years. So I just thought it was going to be more normal this year and I would notice how far 2018 was ahead. I have appreciated my high numbers of birds seen last year but also been right there with it on the dates this year which I am thrilled with. In November and into December now it has stayed neck in neck again but actually for a good while now I have been in a position where I have seen seen more birds on these days than I had a year ago. No matter what, to even stay as close to the exceptional year that was 2018 for me as it did with more modest places visited really and species ranges available was something I was so proud of.

The week off in January I had from work spent birdwatching was crucial to my start and whole year. It took me on my first of four trips away of the year so I was lucky with that, two nights in Gloucestershire so I could visit WWT Slimbridge on my birthday. On that magical day reserve specialities Bewick’s Swan (shown there in the 1st picture in this photoset), Common Crane, White-fronted and Barnacle Geese were star birds seen, alongside Peregrine Falcon, Water Rail (shown in the 2nd picture in this photoset that I took that day), Golden Plover and Ruff. When back from that week off I remember saying one morning at work I could tell you the highlight birds from that week but I would be here until lunch time. But so many amazing birds seen in home areas and on the way to our trip away that week included; Waxwing (as shown that day in the 3rd picture in this photoset at Totton the first major quality bird I saw this year and one of the biggest highlights in 2019), Jack Snipe, Red Kite, Bearded Tit, Marsh Harrier, Ring-necked Duck, Cattle Egret, Purple Sandpiper, Greenshank, Common Gull, Shag, Black-necked Grebe, Gannet, Guillemot, Fulmar, Great White Egret, Yellow-browed Warbler, Yellow-legged Gull and Goldeneye.

The theme of seeing top birds continued throughout the year, some of my other greatest birds I saw in 2019 included; Spotted Redshank, Eider Duck, Goosander, Barn Owl, Sanderling, Crossbill, Hawfinch, Bar-tailed Godwit, Scaup, Mediterranean Gull, Corn Bunting (shown in the 4th picture in this photoset at Martin Down in May), Red-legged Partridge, Lesser Yellowlegs, Bittern (shown at Blashford Lakes in the 5th picture I took in this photoset), Lesser Redpoll, Brambling, Hooded Crow, Little Owl, Spoonbill, Little Ringed Plover, Redstart, Glossy Ibis, Razorbill, Yellowhammer, Little Tern (shown at Lymington in the 6th  picture I took in this photoset), Common Sandpiper, Sand Martin, Dartford Warbler, Cuckoo, Sandwich Tern, Hobby, Sedge Warbler, Red-necked Phalarope, Lesser Whitethroat, Woodlark, Kittiwake, Puffin, Roseate Tern, Dipper, Spotted Flycatcher, Wood Sandpiper, Osprey, Black Tern, Whimbrel, Whinchat, Chough, Manx Shearwater, Common Scoter, Yellow Wagtail, Long-billed Dowitcher, Ring-necked Parakeet , Ring Ouzel, Garganey, Black Redstart, Long-tailed Duck, Semipalmated Sandpiper, Snow Bunting and three Short-eared Owls flying gloriously around us one of my standout moments this year on one of my standout birding days of 2019 with so much else seen at Portland Bill and isle that day. Twelve of the birds I saw this year I saw for only the second time in my life or it was only the second individual I’d seen of the species which really stood out as a unique point in my birding this year.

A big bird at Blashford Lakes in late April was the Bonaparte’s Gull and I was lucky enough to get a very distant view of it but watch it for quite a while. This was a fantastic species to see and made me so happy. It ended a longer wait compared to recent years as it was my first new bird of 2019. This took my life list to a bit of a milestone as it was bird 260 in my life.

My next life tick came in Northumberland in June with the Arctic Terns I saw on Coquet and Farne Islands, which l talk about more in my sixth of these posts about that holiday. During this week away we also dropped in on Druridge Pools and saw the very rare duck the Baikal Teal that was there my first ever, another beauty.

In July I saw a bird I hadn’t seen flying about in the wild before when I saw one of the White Storks on a day at Knepp. I got a beautiful view of this species and saw where they had attempted to nest so it felt very rewarding to see at this rewilding project at exciting times for these birds going forward now. Our timing was perfect in September when we had our holiday to Cornwall the first week and two of the first few Brown Boobies in the UK ever seen had turned up! On the second day of the holiday we went to Kynance Cove where one had been reported and saw it sitting on a rock. An honour to see this it was a mega and a Champions League standard bird for sure I was over the moon to see it. I talk about this more in my penultimate post of this thread on Christmas Eve about the Cornwall holiday.

The only way to follow the Brown Booby would be with another mega and that we did later in the month by seeing the Eastern Olivaceous Warbler that dropped into Farlington Marshes. It was a really beautiful bird to see and one that was so distinctive. I was lucky to get some really good views of it that day as it flew in and out of thick vegetation. This top bird sighting came at such a good point in my year that weekend too with so much else happening to make it one of my most memorable two days.

My next new bird came on 21st October as we finally managed to catch up with a Wryneck after so many times trying to see one. This was at Hill Head where we had a really good search for apparently two that had showed up. We and some other birdwatchers got some joy when we looked around the chalet area and were thrilled to spot one in someone’s garden. We enjoyed a glorious good few minutes with this beautiful and sensational species watching it fly west, giving some fantastic views in trees and on the ground. I took the 7th picture in this photoset of it. It was such a feel good twitch and really one of my main standout moments in my 2019 birdwatching a year that has been amazing for me. This was the fourth woodpecker species I’ve ever seen, my 266th bird in my life and a very important milestone 190th bird of 2019 for me which took it level with my 2017 as my joint second highest ever year list that day. I did go onto see more than 190 bird species this year of course.

Other bird pictures I took in 2019 I have included in this photoset are; Moorhen and chick along the river Itchen in June one of my favourite spring pictures this year, Pied Wagtail during winter’s Big Garden Birdwatch for the RSPB a standout moment I had a really good year for seeing a variety of garden birds generally and other wildlife around the garden and house like a Hedgehog, butterflies and moths and Avocet at Brownsea Island, Dorset in October. Going back to the garden birdwatch and I very much enjoyed doing a similar event yesterday Birdaware Solent’s Great Solent Birdwatch doing it at Weston Shore as I said in my post last night. These were just two of a whole host of citizen science surveys for various organisations I was proud to take part in this year for all wildlife. On another avian photography note in November I found out some of my bird photos from this year (Lesser Redpoll at Blashford Lakes, another Waxwing, Totton one and Blackbird out the back) I’d entered into the Blissful Birder calendar competition earlier in the year had made their ‘Birds of England’ calendar 2020. I was very proud of this. It was a real honour to see some of my pictures alongside some superb work which displays how proud we should be of English birds. It was fitting this happening as one of my earliest birdwatching memories was buying an RSPB calendar which led me to join their Wildlife Explorers with a link to it on the back a big early staging post in my interest after I had got the famous (for me) sticker book of birds which started my interest. So 10 years into me being into photography started by birds to get my own pictures on a commercial calendar felt amazing.

[crazy-rich-sorceresses]

𝕸𝖆𝖌𝖎𝖈 𝕷𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖘

𝒶 𝒸𝑜𝓁𝓁𝒶𝒷 𝒷𝑒𝓉𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓃 @𝒶𝓎𝓏𝓇𝓊𝓁𝑒𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 @𝓅𝓊𝓃𝓀𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝟣𝟤𝟥

It was barely two weeks into the semester, and Jessie already wanted to drop out and go back to computer science.

Because like, really. She was a frickin’ programmer, not a magical sorceress person. Jessie had barely understood what the headmistress had told her that night she randomly appeared in her apartment, and now she was just. At the lady’s school. And probably failing every single one of her classes????

Well, besides the mandatory Chinese class. And the only reason she wasn’t failing that was because her parents forced her to go to weekend Chinese school until she was like fifteen.

After her last class of the day, Jessie found the cute little cafe that was already her favorite, bought herself an overpriced bubble tea, and set up camp outside, because it was nice out. The one good thing about this entire thing, Jessie thought, was the weather. It would be practically balmy in December.

Jessie skimmed over the passage in her Intro to Elemental Magic textbook for the twentieth time. Stuff about elemental energies, directing magic with the force of her will, whatever. Holy fuck. Jessie wasn’t usually the most hands-on of people, but all this reading and trying to understand the conceptual basis and everything-this was worse than that theoretical physics class she’d taken as a sophomore, when she still thought she was going to be a physics double major (and thank God she’d dropped that shit before her junior year).

Nope. This just didn’t make any damn sense. Coding, Jessie could do. Math, Jessie could do. Anything that was freaking logical, Jessie could do. But she couldn’t seem to find any of the logic in this stuff. She still wasn’t even convinced that she had magic herself, truth be told. Sure, she’d sensed it and whatnot before, but she’d never actually done anything with it. Directed it, made it bend to her instructions, whatever you wanted to call it. None of that.

Sighing, Jessie leaned back in her chair and drank some bubble tea. I wonder what the headmistress would say if I tried to leave? She mused to herself, idly. Would she put a curse on my family or something? Jesus fucking Christ.

Achara didn’t need more plants. But sometimes Ophelia liked a change of scenery. And Sasha needed help coming out of her shell. A new pot could do that for her. Also, the shop-keeper had Achara’s number and sent her photos every time there was a new collection put on the shelves.

She needed new planters like she needed another coffee mug.

But, Achara had the money. Nobody would notice if the majority of her spending in a month went to little bits and bobs.

I’m only buying two things today. Who was she trying to kid? There was no way she was putting back the new elephant planter. It was too cute to put down. But the porcupine already had a name and Achara really really wanted the new Cherry Blossom themed mug to.

By the time the cute little cuckoo clock struck 4 P.M. Achara was exiting the little shop with three new planters, a new amethyst crystal, and a cherry blossom mug. She could feel Bella laughing at her back but every time she turned to look at her bodyguard, Bella’s face was a stoic mask, well practiced in scaring danger away with merely a glare.

“Can we get a coffee Bella? I know you like the Snickerdoodle Coffee they make here?” the woman in question sighed but nodded silently. The only reason she ever put up with all the coffee trips was because her addiction was just as bad as her charge. “But none of that extra large business. You’re having dinner with an uncle tonight and you can’t be buzzed and needing to pee every five minutes.” Achara pouted slightly but knew when to pick and choose her battles. “Fabulous. Can you just get me a black coffee? I don’t have the patience to look through the flavour book.”

Achara very rarely went into small shops like the cafe if she wasn’t planning on staying for a while. To little space and not enough patience for Bella to do a security check lead to Achara typically sitting at the corner most table to await her drink.

It was just what she was planning to do when she glanced down at the table she was passing on the way to the corner and spotted the Intro Elemental magic textbook. She followed the hands all the way up to the face attached to the body that owned the book. “Jessie, right?”

Jessie was still stuck on the same page when she heard someone call her name. She looked up to find one of Lyra’s friends glancing down at her.

Pushing her textbook aside for a moment, Jessie nodded. “Yeah, that’s me. You’re Chara, right?”

Jessie definitely remembered her. Lyra had invited Jessie to a party last Saturday, and then introduced her to Chara. She and Chara had been forced to help an extremely drunk Lyra back to her dorm room. Good times.

She nodded her head slightly, not wanting the headband she had paired with her outfit for the day to slide. “Achara actually but most people call me Chara. You can to! I take it you’re in Intro Elemental? Is it a hard class?”

At Chara’s question, Jessie let out a soft chuckle, running a hand through her hair and giving her a rueful smile. “Well, I dunno. The other people in the class seem like they’re doing fine, and I’ve heard that they don’t do weed-out classes here. But I’m pretty new to this whole magic thing, so…” Jessie trailed off and shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I should be in, like, magical elementary school or something,” she said, a wry grin on her face.

Achara let out a small laugh. “I wouldn’t know what they teach in Magical Elementary school, if one exists. Most people I’ve talked to had private tutors. But then again, if what I’ve heard is true, you never really had that opportunity right?” Without asking, Achara pulled out the seat across from Jessie and delicately sat down, Birkin safely placed on her lap.

What she’s ‘heard’ about me? Does that mean...are there rumors about me? That’s weird, thought Jessie. She had always been a pretty lowkey kind of person, and to be perfectly honest, she really didn’t care about stupid drama. So, yeah-being gossiped about behind her back was a bit of a new experience, to say the least.

Well, it couldn’t be helped. Jessie was super boring by non-magical standards, but she guessed that being a 22-year-old first year at magical college was pretty different. And there was also the fact that she hadn’t even known that magic existed until like five months ago???

And oh yeah-private tutors? Private fucking tutors? Jesus Christ. Sometimes, Jessie forgot that these people probably spent more on a weekend getaway than Jessie had spent during her four years at UMBC as an undergraduate student.

Jessie nodded in response to Chara’s question. “Uh, yeah. I didn’t even know that magic was a thing until like, five months ago. Last April.” She ran a hand through her hair, laughing. “I’ve never done any of this before.”

“Oh Elemental Magic is one of my favorites. I can help if you want! I learned at one point so I’m definitely qualified to teach it to you. And don’t worry about where you were when you started. No one has time for that. In case you couldn’t tell, a lot of the girls here have their lives oriented toward the future.” Myself included. “What’s the part you’re struggling with?” Achara could help with most areas of elemental magic, just not Fire. Please don’t say Fire.

Jessie glanced at the other sorceresses. “That would be...that would actually be awesome,” she replied. “And I guess, just everything in general. This textbook is telling me that I need to like, feel the magical energy in each of the elements or something. But I literally have nothing.” She made a vague gesture. “I’ve tried, and I can’t get anything out of water or earth itself or whatever. Only when an object already has spells on it. But like, when I run my hand under plain old water or something-nothing.”

Achara glanced away from her new companion as Bella made her way outside with her desired coffee. “Bella you goddess. Jessie this is one of my security guards, Bella. Bella this is my new friend Jessie. I’m going to work with her on some classwork for a little bit. Just let me know when we have to leave.”

Bella’s eyebrows shot up in question but, Achara’s bag stayed firmly in her left hand. The signal remained all clear and with a silent nod, Bella sat herself at the table next to her protectee.

“Anyways, the first thing to remember is that it’s not all about feelings. The professors like to focus on getting in touch with that aspect and if you’ve had some magical experience then that usually works. It’s about what you want out of what you’re trying to control. Yin and Yang have an application in all areas of magic. If you’re taking the molecules of the water and changing their pattern…” a small ball rose from Achara’s coffee cup, “you have to picture yourself moving them into that desired form. It’s not going to happen from just feeling the magical energy. You have to be active to.”

Huh. Jessie listened intently to Chara’s explanation, watching her manipulate the coffee. Picture myself moving the molecules into the desired form? I can...try, I guess?

Jessie set her own drink on the table and tentatively stretched her hand out towards it, flexing her fingers slightly before concentrating. Okay, so she had to picture the water molecules. Easy enough, right? She’d taken chem before. Her high school teachers and college professors all loved those little sculpture thingies that showed the bonds between the atoms. She knew what water was; two molecules of hydrogen, one molecule of oxygen.

Right. Simple enough. She could do this.

Jessie focused on the elemental energies that she was supposed to be able to feel. She did as Chara had said, pictured the molecules in the drink. She wasn’t sure if she was doing it correctly, since she couldn’t sense the magical energy, the way she had done so before with charmed objects, but nevertheless she directed all her thoughts to creating a small ball of milk tea, the way Chara had done with her coffee.

On the first try, there was nothing. The second and third weren’t great, either. But on the fourth try, Jessie saw the tea ripple, slightly, and on the fifth, she managed to push some of it to the side of the cup. She tried it again-yes, there it was, all those molecules of hydrogen and oxygen and whatnot (there was a ton of glucose and/or fructose in there, Jessie imagined) shifting and rippling, bending to her will.

“Holy shit,” Jessie said out loud, breathless. “I just did that.”

Achara clapped delightedly. “You did that! I was going to suggest you maybe use my coffee as their are a lot less different aspects to black coffee than bubble tea but you did it! The thing is, with all of the other aspects of your drink you don’t have enough practice to hold it for long.” Achara laid out two cloth napkins over her bag, and one over her blouse. She leaned over and spread one out on Jessie before continuing. “So in order to avoid making it splash you have to picture multiple little balls separating…”

Achara didn’t have enough time to finish explaining. Slowly but surely she could see the ball sinking.

Jessie watched as Chara demonstrated, doing her best to imitate the technique. She was pretty sure that everything she was doing was sloppy and definitely not super clean, but after an entire summer of grappling with this stuff (thanks to the headmistress’ insistence that she at least try to familiarize herself with the basics before classes started), Jessie was grateful for what she could get.

Jessie found that visualizing the chemistry behind it all was very helpful. “How did you learn this stuff?” she asked during a lull in the action. “I mean, I dunno, is it just intuitive to magical people or something? Because I’m definitely going to be staying up all night Googling molecular structures and stuff.” She paused, grimacing. “And I thought that I was done with that stuff after I passed two semesters of chem lab in college,” she said dryly.

Achara smiled slightly. “Magic has its own signature for everything. Everyone can read and interpret that signature in different ways. I learned to read the signatures as the fact that the relationship between a sorceress and magic is a partnership. I think about how I’m pushing the elements or the magic itself to do the job or to change shape. But the magic needs the push. I guess in less fancy words I view the relationship as give and take, push and pull. It’s very western but it’s how my mother learned and she’s very talented.” Achara paused to take a sip of her coffee only to look down at the empty cup in disappointment.

Jessie rolled Chara’s words over in her head, contemplating what she had said. It sort of made sense, she guessed, but these kinds of things were always harder in practice. “Hmm. That’s interesting,” Jessie mused out loud. “Thanks for helping me with this, by the way. I’ve been trying to figure this stuff out all summer.”

“It’s going to take more than a summer to learn all different types of magic. Plus water is considered to be the most malleable of the elements.” Bella cleared her throat from her spot at the table next to the two students. When Achara glanced in her direction, Bella tapped her wrist slightly. “I believe that I have to get going but please feel free to ask for help. I’m almost always around. I’m in one of the suites near Lyra so she can point you in my direction.” With that, Achara removed the napkins from her bag and stood up. “It was so nice to see you again Jessie!” And then Achara turned around and headed over to the waiting SUV. Bella’s counterpart, Fei, opened the door for her and she slid in elegantly. Within moments, the vehicle had pulled away from the curb and Achara was gone.

After Chara left, Jessie went back to her reading, though she could have sworn that she could still feel the magic tingling inside her.

[sartle-blog]

Mental Health Art History: 5 Artworks Depicting Asylums

Yard with Lunatics (cropped) by Francisco Goya

There is such a cliche about artists and madness. Perhaps there’s a bit of truth to it: people who struggle sometimes see the world creatively; creative people may struggle to fit into the boxes that define the norm. It’s tempting to simplify this, but it’s a mistake. Many people living with mental health issues aren’t able to create at all, despite desperately wanting to. Illness takes over. And yet, there are some amazing people who persevere and create magnificent works of art despite their challenges.

In fact, a surprising number of works from famous artists were created while those people recovered in asylums, at mental health retreats, or other inpatient care. Some were created afterwards, but depicted what the artists saw in those places. If you’ve ever seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest then you know that art can depict those places in the most horrifying of ways. We may even want to look away. But looking at those challenging pieces can help us better understand some of the darkest times an artist has gone through.

Here are five works that specifically depict the asylum / hospital experience.

1. Corridor in the Asylum by Vincent Van Gogh

Corridor in the Asylum by Vincent Van Gogh, The Met Museum

Vincent Van Gogh created magical works of art depicting nature. His flowers, wheat fields, trees, and seascapes continue to inspire the imagination of viewers today. The painted-in-detail film "Loving Vincent" is only one of many recent examples of how artists continue to draw from his work.

The artist painted what he saw. Not all of his life was spent soaking in the beauty of landscapes bathed in natural light. He spent one terrible year of his life in the Saint-Paul de Mausole asylum. What he saw was the empty, seemingly-endless hallway represented in Corridor in the Asylum.

His letters at this time indicate that there were more than two dozen empty rooms in this corridor. He was relieved that the patients who were there didn’t harass him about his work or seem to judge his finished paintings. Still, he wasn’t exactly thrilled to have this as his inspiration. He only did a couple of other paintings of the asylum’s interior and he strictly avoided depicting what his own room there looked like, despite sharing paintings of his personal bedroom from when he was not at the asylum.

Life at the asylum was anything but pleasant. He wrote of his experience, “one continually hears shouts and terrible howls as of animals in a menagerie.” The terrifying sounds must have echoed horribly in that corridor. One patient he shared space with had auditory hallucinations and Van Gogh wrote that he seemed to be responding aloud to sounds in the corridor that no one else could hear.

Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh, MoMA

Despite the need to paint some of his experience, Van Gogh did all that he could to paint the more pleasing landscapes he remembered from his life before the institution. Whenever possible, he would sit in the asylum’s gardens, painting what he saw there instead. He arguably even created some of his best work there, including Starry Night. He was forced to imagine better times alone since nobody ever came to visit him in the asylum.

2. The Madhouse by Francisco Goya

The Madhouse by Francisco Goya at the Royal Academy of Fine Arts of San Fernando

Not one to sugarcoat things with a pretty name, Goya aptly called this painting The Madhouse. A similar painting from the asylum is called Yard with Lunatics. It leaves little to the imagination in terms of what his experience there was like.

Goya actually painted two versions of The Madhouse, the first in a vertical format and the second as the horizontal image most people are familiar with. In both we see the chaos of the madhouse experience. Naked men grapple with each other or with invisible deities. Chiefs and kings represent authority figures that easily suggest the horrifying power dynamics in 18th century asylums.

Comparing the earlier and later images, the difference that stands out most is that the latter is even more chaotic than the first. It’s as though the setting was eating away at Goya’s mind and he had to change the painting to reflect the madness in an even more thorough way.

Although he may have been losing his own mind there, his work is representative of an important turn in art history as it relates to mental health. He was on the cutting edge of what would emerge in the nineteenth century as a fascination with the subject of madness in art. There was a shift in society; madness had been something people gawked at for entertainment and was now becoming something to hide away in asylums. The art of the time reflects a new interest in what it means to be a part of this shifting culture when you as an artist are coping with mental illness.

3. Creative Therapy by Jacob Lawrence

Creative Therapy by Jacob Lawrence, Cleveland Museum of Art

The asylum experience doesn’t have to be horrible. Some people check themselves into an institution to get treatment and get lucky - they’re there at the right time in society, with the right doctors, and they get the care that they need. Art therapy has been a part of many asylum stays, and certain artists have thrived thanks to that creative outlet.

Depression by Jacob Lawrence at the Whitney Museum of American Art

Jacob Lawrence painted his Hospital series depicting the experiences he had while dealing with depression in an institution. Most of the work from this time is dark, as one would expect from scenes of an asylum. One of the most well-known works is Depression, which describes not only his own experiences of that mental illness but the depressed experience of being in the institution. Likewise Sedation, featuring psychiatric pills, emphasizes that there’s a clear question about whether the illness or the “cure” is the problem.

Sedation by Jacob Lawrence, MoMA

However, Creative Therapy offers a more positive take on what can happen in the asylum, particularly in terms of healthy treatment. It depicts the artist participating in an art therapy group there, led by a psychiatrist, in which he explored different aspects of his art and used color and perspective in new ways. Art does have therapeutic value, and when artists are allowed to work with it in therapy it can make all the difference in whether their creative impulse shrivels or thrives.

In a fun twist that he may have appreciated, Lawrence’s paintings have served as important discussion starters among older adults in contemporary art therapy groups.

4.Henry Ford Hospital by Frida Kahlo

Henry Ford Hospital by Frida Kahlo at the Dolores Olmedo Museum

This one isn’t quite from the asylum but it might as well have been. Frida Kahlo had spent her pregnancy on bedrest only to suffer a miscarriage that required an abortion to complete the process. That horrifying experience happened at Henry Ford Hospital.

She went into a deep depression, which she tried to process through her art. Each stage of the miscarriage and hospital experience is depicted in this painting, which began as a sketch while she was still in the hospital. The viewer’s eyes don’t know where to look and may want to turn away altogether. It’s lonely, scary, desolate, and desperate.

And although the experience didn’t take place in a traditional asylum, one can imagine that in this hospital setting she experienced that similar combination of focus on her the weaknesses of her mental health combined with inattentive care to the horrible experience of loss and depression she underwent during her two week stay there.

Although this is perhaps the most famous work depicting Kahlo’s struggles with infertility, it’s not the only one. In fact, some argue that it’s a critical theme throughout her work. This was only one of three medically-necessary abortions she had, and she suffered other miscarriages as well. Undoubtedly, this affected her mental health. The hospital bed is symbolic of the inevitable tie between physical and mental health, though historically society has often chosen to ignore this important link.

5. The State Hospital by Edward Kienholz

The State Hospital by Edward Kienholz

Edward Kienholz wasn’t a patient at an asylum. He was part of the staff. It didn’t make him any less affected by the horrors that can happen when things don’t go well in an institutional setting. The State Hospital reflects those horrors in all of their gory detail. He created this piece in the 1960s, nearly two decades after his two year internship in the hospital, but the experience was seared into his memory.

He described the asylum in terms that include the words: prison, brutality, and dirty. He even said that One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest was a model asylum compared to what he saw where he worked. His installation includes a model who was in actuality about to die from cancer, so he expressed that living in the asylum was essentially like being dead. The cavernous spaces in the heads in this piece suggest minds atrophying.

For several years prior to this piece, Kienholz’s installations were designed to shed light on individual horrors including those afflicting people troubled by mental illness. This piece added a new element though; holding society accountable for the abuses these marginalized people endured.

This post is part of our series on Mental Health Art History. We’ve previously shared two posts on artists with depression, plus posts on bipolar artists, artists with schizophrenia, and the unique condition of Misere.

By: Kathryn Vercillo

[dr-gloom]

The Makings of Greatness: Chapter 11

Fandom: Sanders’ Sides

Pairing: platonic logince, platonic moxiety, platonic anxeit, familial ThVi

Tags/Warnings (for this chapter): 

Ko-fi

AO3

Masterlist

Prologue  Ch 1  Ch 2  Ch 3  Ch 4  Ch 5  Ch 6  Ch 7  Ch 8  Ch 9  Ch 10  Ch 11  Ch 12  Ch 13 Ch 14  Ch 15  Ch 16  Ch 17

The mushroom trees provide a dense cover from the light, bathing the atmosphere in shadow. The ground is covered in a soft moss, with the occasional rock, though a metal surface peeks out where the moss has been removed in some patches. The metal of the planet’s surface has grooves in it; lines and circles that seem to follow a nonsense pattern. Particles can be seen floating in the scarce streams of light that break through the mushroom trees’ canopy, the entire scene calm and still, the only thing offsetting the undisturbed natural scenery being the smoking, overturned skiff.

Virgil is the first to regain consciousness, looking around in the dim lighting to see Logan and Roman still disoriented. He grips the lip of the skiff, grunting as he lifts it just enough to slip out, then he positions himself so he’s standing with his back to it, feet braced on the metal surface of the planet, and grips the lip of the skiff again, pushing. He manages to lift it more, turning around to fully push it over and free the two older adults, then sits back down heavily on a moss patch and lets out a tired puff of air.

Logan is the next to fully wake, groaning softly and rubbing the back of his head. He sits up, looking around, his eyes widening as he becomes more aware of his surroundings. He shifts, his hand brushing along the grooves of the exposed metal, and glances down. “Curious….”

Roman wakes up next, shifting to sit up and then standing, looking around. “Well… That wasn’t one of my finer landings.” His face pinches with pain and he clutches his side, gasping softly and dropping into a kneel. Logan rushes to his side. “Captain!” Logan starts to help him up and Roman brushes him off. “It’s nothing, just bruising. I’ll be fine.” He turns to Virgil. “Mr. Shae, the map?”

Virgil reaches into his pocket, pulling out the gold orb and sighing with relief, a smile curling his lips. “Ah, good.” He starts to hand it over and it levitates out of his hand, making a few whirring and clicking sounds, the bits and pieces coming apart-

Only to turn into Morph.

Morph laughs and sticks his tongue out, and Virgil groans. “Morph!” Morph flies around his head, still laughing. “Morph, where’s the map?!” Morph stops in front of Virgil, then turns into a much smaller version of the map and the coil of rope from earlier, then the map tucks itself into the coil of rope.

“Are you serious?! It’s back on the ship?” If Morph had shoulders to shrug apologetically, he no doubt would be doing so. As it is, he looks regretful enough. Virgil grabs at Morph in frustration, the blob slipping between his fingers again and again.

Roman looks up when sounds of an engine catch his ears, muttering to Virgil. “Silence the blob and get low. We have company.”

Virgil looks up in time to see the second skiff sailing slowly overhead; no doubt Declan and his men trying to find them. The three of them duck behind the overturned skiff and watch Declan’s skiff sail by. Roman turns to Virgil. “We need a more defensible position. Scout ahead.” He hands Virgil a solar gun, which the teen hesitantly takes, his expression turning serious. “Right.” Virgil stands, looking around and heading off in a random direction. As he’s leaving, he hears Roman gasp in pain again and what’s most likely Logan helping him to the ground.

“Steady, now. Let’s have a look at that, shall we?”

 As Virgil wanders farther into the forest, it grows darker. The cover becomes thicker, the light more scarce, and the ground slopes downward. He walks hesitantly down a rather large root before just sitting on it and sliding the rest of the way down, finding his feet at the bottom and looking around as he walks. In this part of the forest, it seems like there are more ground-level organisms. They look almost like very large brussels sprouts, though it’s hard to tell if they’re some sort of shrubbery or just infantile trees. The canopy here is much denser; that, coupled with the lower ground, provides a much darker environment, and Virgil finds himself looking around a lot more, wary of any possible threats.

Just because they haven’t come across any native animals, doesn’t mean there aren’t any.

The large stalks of the mushroom trees loom ominously from all directions, stretching into the sky. With as little light as there is, the shadows make the stalks look almost like decaying wood, covered in some sort of slime. Virgil casts his eyes to the ground, his imagination getting the best of him; at least the moss looks the same.

A large root stretches out in front of him, blocking his path, and he has to hop up to sit on it, then pivot himself to get to the other side before hopping down. Unbeknownst to him, someone watches from the shadows, carefully monitoring his every movement.

A rustling comes from a patch of foliage behind Virgil and to his right. He spins around, but there’s nothing there except for the swaying stalks of some strange, tube-shaped plants. Morph titters anxiously and Virgil quietly shushes him, reaching for his solar gun. He turns it on, creeping closer to the stalks as the gun warms up, and peeks into the opening of the biggest one, his heart hammering in his chest. What kind of animal is it? Is it harmless? Does it have fangs? Claws? Does it eat meat?

Something jumps out of the stalk and screams, moving too fast for his brain to process. Virgil lets out a startled cry and falls on his back, the thing jumping on top of him, still screaming. Thin, hard, metal hands clamp down on his shoulders. Thick metallic joints press into his sides and shins. Large, glowing green eyes stare down at him and his first thought is I’m going to die and my dad will never know what happened.

“Oh, this is fantastic!”

What?

The thing sits up, and now Virgil can tell that it’s a very thin, worn-down robot. Its body looked like it’s made of copper, the minimal build of gears and thin limbs covered in dark patches where the shine was worn down with age, or dirt, or rust. Wires stuck out from the back of his head, wiggling around with his movements. His eyes were in a sort of binocular-like setting, the “eyes” themselves screens that lit up bright green, narrowing and widening like actual eyes and with small black pupils that moved around to indicate what the robot was looking at, along with small metal eyebrows that moved just like real ones.

“A carbon-based lifeform has come to rescue me at last! Oh, I just wanna hug you, and squeeze you, and never let you go!” The robot scoops Virgil up mid-crawl in his attempt to get away, hugging him tightly from behind. Virgil lets out a quiet “oof” as the breath is squeezed out of him, extremely confused. He glances at Morph.

Are you seeing what I’m seeing?

Morph looks just as confused, if not a little excited at the new possible friend.

Virgil pries the robot off him, taking a step back. “Alright, wh-” The robot hugs him again, and Virgil once again pries him off. “Jus-” The robot clings to him with his arms and legs like a koala, smiling happily. Virgil pries him off again. “Would you just- stop it.”

The robot takes a step back. “Ah, sorry. Sorry sorry sorry. It’s just,” he puts an arm around Virgil’s shoulders. Virgil leans away, grimacing. “I’ve been marooned for… so long. I mean, don’t get me wrong, solitude is fine! It’s just that, after 100 years, you go a little nuts!” His voice picks up on the last part, practically screaming. Virgil winces at the volume as the robot chuckles nervously. “I-I’m sorry, eh,” He removes his arm from around Virgil, dusting him off and taking a step back. “I’m, uh… My name, is….” He scratches at his head, groaning a little in exasperation.

Morph pops up at Virgil’s shoulder and turns into a miniature of the robot, a cuckoo bird popping out of his head and making the “cuckoo, cuckoo” sound the clock makes. Virgil rolls his eyes and pushes him down, Morph turning back into his pink self with a giggle.

“BEN!” The robot suddenly shouts, grinning. “Of course, I’m B.E.N.! Bio-electronic navigator. But uhm….” He scratches his chin. “I don’t think I like that very much. Oh! Call me Patton!” He slaps his chest proudly, the compass attached to it popping off, only attached by a spring. “Oops.” He pushes it back into place. “And you are?”

“Virgil.”

Patton takes his hand, shaking it excitedly. “Nice to meet you, Virge!”

“It’s Virgil.” Virgil pries his hand off, hunching down to slip past Patton.

“Anyway!” Patton giggles, resting his elbow on Virgil’s head. Virgil huffs and pushes him off, standing straight.

“Look, I’m kind of in the middle of something, okay?” He maneuvers around the robot, walking backwards as he continues talking. “I gotta find a place to hide, and there’s pirates cha-”

“Oh, pirates!” Patton laments, stepping in front of Virgil as he turns to face forwards. He puts a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, the other to his forehead. “Don’t get me started on pirates! I don’t like them.” Virgil shrugs his hand off and keeps walking, and Patton sits on a nearby rock. “I remember Captain Flint- this guy had such a temper!”

Virgil whips around at the name, walking back over to Patton. “Wait, wait. You knew Captain Flint?”

“I think he suffered from mood swings, personally - I’m not a therapist - anyways.” Virgil groans, raking a hand down his face. “Oh, but you let me know when I’m rambling!” Virgil’s eyes widen. Wait, this robot knew Flint. That was good, right? That means…

“That means… you gotta know about the treasure, right?”

Patton grimaces. “Treasure?” He asks hesitantly.

“Yeah, Flint’s Trove? You know… Loot of a Thousand Worlds?” Virgil smiles, gesturing as if the treasure was around them. Morph turns into a treasure chest, opening to show a chest of gold coins.

“I-it-it’s-it’s all a l-li-little-” Patton stutters as he stands, his movements jerky. Virgil frowns, almost concerned. Was there something wrong with him? “Little fuzzy. Wait. I re-re-remember.” His eyes glitch, the green fuzzing out before returning to normal. “I do! Uh… Treasure!” His pupils are replaced by treasure chests. “Lots of treasure!” His eyes turn red. “Buried in the centroid centroid centroid of the mechanism!”

Virgil bites his lip, eyes wide and heart fluttering anxiously. Should he like… stop this? It was freaking him out…

“And there was this… big door.” Patton mimes a doorway, reaching as high as he can. “Opening and closing and opening and closing!” The green of his eyes changes into a triangle, turning green, then black, then back to green, the color shifting like curtains being pulled back. The compass on his chest springs forward, then goes back, repeating the action with Patton’s words.

“And Captain Flint wanted to make sure nobody could ever get to his treasure, so I helped him-“ Patton glitches, the graphics on his eyes going haywire and his body jerking, sparks flying from the gap in the back of his head where the wires stick out. “Ng-aAH! Data inaccessible! And- reboot!Reboot! Reboot!” Where the green would be if he was squinting had turned into a black screen with green text, his whole upper body jerking back and forth like he was the bird in a cuckoo clock. Virgil flinches back, his hands instinctively flying up. More sparks fly from Patton’s head, and Virgil panics and slaps him.

Patton settles, blinks, then squints at Virgil. “…And, you are?”

Taglist: @the5thcoy @dailysandersidesaudoodles @hungry-red-panda @neonb-fly @chemically-imbalanced-romance @punsterterry @dead4sevenyears @metaphoricalpluto2 @tanyatoloni1334

[sussex-nature-lover]

Tuesday 29th December 2020

My Bird List Again. Parts 3 & 4

♦ outside links are indicated by bold type - none are affiliated to this blog

Guest Photograph - Two Jays out of the window in South London. I’m assured there were four but as is the way, two took off. Photo Credit: Ms NW tE

♦ Faces in Things. Now I’ve circled the Jays I can see a cartoon character with unruly hair. First thought was a cheeky Ostrich’s head, but Crow thinks he can see a cute Badger. Now I can see both.

Brought Forward 24 species

Yesterday I listed the every day birds in our garden and those we can guarantee to see most days, definitely every week, plus the new spots for this year. Next up is 

GARDEN REGULARS:

These are the birds we see frequently but not necessarily every day or this time of year

Song Thrush

If you followed my Blog earlier in the year you’ll recall the calamitous tale of ‘Tracey’ who tried to nest in our porch, firstly on the top of - and with some gentle encouragement, later inside - the open fronted nest box. We called her Tracey after the artist best known for her ‘messy bed’ Sadly the nest came to nothing except a very watchable experience, but we have seen youngsters who if not from Tracy, someone else got it right this year.

Song Thrush are seen here most weeks but we can’t depend on it being so. What I could depend on through early Spring was that one had taken over from the Blackbird and was giving me wakeup calls from the very early hours. It’s annoying to be disturbed so early, but also kind of comforting to have your regulars out there making their presence known.

Wren

Strangely for such a cute little bird I don’t have anything much to say, certainly no personal stories. They’re around, but very low key. I know them best for their upturned tail and unfeasibly loud voice. Sorry no photo, must rectify that, this one’s from the WildlifeTrusts.org site

Stock Dove

Of all the birds I’ve ever seen the Stock Dove is the biggest revelation to me. Until I had my eyes replaced I thought they were plain monotone grey birds. When I could see properly WOW WOW WOW. They have so many tones, they’re so beautiful and the pink, emerald-jade and purple hues are outstanding when they catch the sunshine. This realisation is one of the most incredible sights of my life and both that initial memory and every new viewing always will be.

Collared Dove

One of the above is not a Collared Dove - nope, not buying it even if you have got your best collar on mate

To be fair, I almost put the Stock and Collared Doves in the every day/reliable category, but on balance I don’t think they’re quite there at this time of year. We do see them most days and the charming Collared ones always come in pairs - just like me and Crow.

Green Woodpecker

My ant-eaters. Not seen on the same basis as the Great Spotteds but they live here and breed successfully. Quite stately birds with beautiful plumage I love to see the brief flash of yellow underwing as they whizz through the garden and to hear their laughing ‘yaffle’ 

Similar to GSWs you can tell the sex by the red or plain black colouring. In the Greens it’s on the ‘moustache’ area - see male above with red: females have black. On the GSs it’s plain black heads for females and a red patch at the nape of the neck for males.

Magpie

Comical birds. We seem to have less here than we did. The most I’ve ever seen was a huge flock on the Common in Tunbridge Wells. It’s called the Common but it has the main road going through it and where I saw them was no more than a large patch of grass and trees. The other side is more typical common land, steep and heath-like.

One year we were highly entertained by garden resident DJ (after DJ Spoony) so called as he created a cache of goodies gathered from around the garden much like a Bower Bird decorates its nest. DJ just kept his treasures amongst the leaves at the base of the palm and included a plastic spoon that we used to put out cat food for the hedgehogs...it took us a while to locate.

Common Buzzard

This photo is from the field now known as Babs’ Field directly across the lane from our house. It’s a big field so this is a very long zoom. We saw a huge Buzzard down the lane just yesterday actually. A lot of sightings recently.

Goldfinch

A standing joke in our house - so, so hard for me to capture a picture of them they tormented me and then all of a sudden this Summer they started coming into the garden more and I got photos on fences, verges and wires down the lane too.

Pied Wagtail

Has bred in the porch nest box years ago, had two successful broods. We watched them fledge down on to the log pile. Favourite nestling was The Bunter - guess why? Maybe that was the one who grew up to be The Inspector patrolling the seed and shooing everyone away just because he could.

Grey Wagtail

Usually flies in for a very quick drink and off again, or perches on the corner of the roof by our bedroom briefly.

Sparrowhawk

Nicknamed for both sexes is Sid (Vicious after the punk rock singer)

These two are males. We know their favourite places in the garden. On the fence between us and next door with an eye line to the feeders; on the posts around the decking, perched on a spade or on the bird bath.

Female below.

Total 11

INFREQUENT VISITORS:

Swallow 

All around the local area, once very welcome guests and residents in our front porch.

I also once found one in Ms NW tE’s bedroom and had absolutely no idea how it could’ve got there. This was long before the nesting. I assume it must’ve found a way under the eaves where there’s a fitted wardrobe built in. It wasn’t panicking at all.

Swift 

Sorry no picture, too high overhead. This one below courtesy of the Wildlife Trust site. Along with Swallows and Housemartins a lovely sign of Summer.

Greenfinch

 A very welcome returner this year and they bred, which is brilliant news

Juvenile

Bullfinch 

Sadly not seen any at all this year, which is unusual. Doesn’t mean they haven’t been and we’ve missed them though

Mistle Thrush

We have seen them, but no photos as yet. 

I can’t tell the difference between a Song and Mistle Thrush, I ask for an expert ID. The RSPB says Mistle Thrush are

Medium-sized birds, they’re our largest thrush Chunky and pot-bellied Tawny brown and grey backs with a creamy white speckled front Whiteish cheeks Bold and bullish

and their song is somewhere between Song Thrush and Blackbird. That said we seem to have some Song Thrush here whose songs have evolved (as they do) This might help, although I think in real life it’s less clear cut. I obviously need more practice. 

Jay

The Jay is so shy and has a fairly comical looking face. They live in the woods but we rarely see them in the garden and any photo is snatched very hurriedly, hence the quality of this one. They don’t need to come into the garden though as the woods are full of Oak trees and so their favourite food supply and places to cache it, is right there for them.

Kestrel

Usually seen up at the farm where we saw her a lot with her babies, this mother of two came into our garden in the Summer.

Common Gull

Rather unclear it was very low light inside the kitchen and this was grabbed with my phone. The last few days we have seen hundreds of Gulls: they’ve come inland to the fields due to the inclement weather I guess.

Nightingale 

Definitely heard and confirmed by our neighbour and the local farmer, however, I can’t hand on heart say I’ve spotted them by eye. I think they should be included here though as we more than likely have seen them as well as heard them. I know where they hang out for sure and it’s steps away (see below) The problem for me is that they’re quite insignificant looking if you’re not primed to spot one.

Photo credit Bird Guides on line

9

ONE OFFS IN THE GARDEN:

Mallard

 Two males and a female decided to reside in our garden one summer. We called them Max, Paddy and Holy Mary - a Phoenix Nights reference from the TV series.

Heron 

Occasionally seen overhead, has investigated our garden pond. Not that we’ve got any fish, which is why it probably hasn’t been back. We see them fly by sometimes and definitely up at the ponds. When the one was in our garden I was struck by its size and prehistoric look, of course they look much bigger in a domestic garden than when you see them in a wider setting.

Below is my own photo of a Heron, but at Richmond, not at our pond.

Turtle Dove

2006 was a good year. We had the Ducks and a few sightings of the Dove. I think it stopped by the following year too but can’t be absolutely sure.

Yellowhammer 2014

Just the once on the patio right in front of us, it was quite a surprise.

This is not actually my photo, which is mislaid for now. It’s generic so can’t attribute it.

Woodcock 2019

The Woodcock was a complete shock. I spotted something out of the side window and because of the colouring thought it was a strange female Pheasant, until I saw its bill. Wooaaah! 

5

ONE OFFS IN THE AREA:

Kingfisher down at the bridge

Mixed flock of Geese including White and Grey Lag - in Babs the Buzzard’s field

2

Sub Category just out of interest and not counted

REPORTED BY MY NEIGHBOUR:

Visual of a Cuckoo, which we’ve only heard and not seen for sure. We possibly saw one at the farm, but didn’t confirm for certain.

Goldcrest. I’m jealous

 + 2

REGULARS AT THE FARM:

Little Owl

White Dove

Coot

Moorhen

Canada Goose

Various Ducks such as Grebe, not including Mallard mentioned above

6+

TOTAL = 57+  species spotted at home and 2 others on the one off list seen adjacent to our garden.

Plus Tawny Owl, heard frequently but can’t promise to have a sighting as yet.

Decoration from the Christmas Trees in Standen Courtyard

a lovely hand stitched heart with wild flowers. Let’s hope the Roadside Verges campaign and sensible strimming season grows stronger next year.

Christmas Music of Choice is the Piano Guys

with a very clever Christmas medley and visuals

[imagineclaireandjamie]

Dear Wonderful Mods over here at Imagine.... I am an Outlander Fanfic junkie....I likely need a twelve step program...I stopped reading actual books (of which I used to be an avid reader) and have read nothing but Outlander Fanfic for the last year. It's what I look forward to most very day.... I also like to reread some of the older stuff. I have been desperately trying to find an older fic (can't remember the title or author)... Jamie takes Claire to the stones. 1/2

second part pf question…. they land back in 1743 and try to make the good stuff happen ie: end up married etc., but not the bad stuff. no Wentworth, no losing Faith. Meanwhile at Leoch Claire orders a beautiful sword made for Jamie from a visiting Irish swordmaker. Jealous Jamie thinks C’s spending too much time with Irishman etc… Please! Does anyone know the title to this fic and the author??? Desperate! Please and Thank you all!!!

–

MOD Note: None of us here at Imagone can place this, so sorry Weesinginglassie. But have some CoC as a soothe for your fanfiction addiction itch. Hope this he helps

Chain of Command - Part 4

It happened very gradually, the steady increase in her size. For a while she managed to hide it effectively with just her skirts and tighter corsets. But soon it became obvious that she was going to have to procure other methods for keeping her pregnancy quiet.

Her time at Lallybroch since her brief incarceration in Inverness had been heavily guarded. Never before had Mama Crook and Brian Fraser been so intent on keeping Claire close to hand.

She'd been kept away from any activities where she was required to leave the house for more than a few moments and her duties in the kitchens had been increased tenfold.

She was under house arrest and she knew it.

Having broken the trust of her adoptive mother, Claire didn't argue about this silent punishment but it was making her state harder and harder to conceal.

Slamming the book shut, Claire threw the heavy pages onto the floor heaving out a massive sigh as desperation took over.

"I made a vow to keep you safe, and I mean to keep that promise." She sighed, wrapping the thick cotton around her middle to try and mute the growing swell of her belly.

She had read many pages of interesting advice on pregnancy and care of an unborn baby - but none helped her in the art of keeping it a secret.

Her forays into the underworld of abortion, even as short lived as it had been, had made her incredibly aware of the gift she had growing within her. Guilt also gripped her. She'd come too close to making a disastrous decision and the implications of that made Claire even more determined to do the best for her child - no matter what.

The bairn was precious. Not only was it a part of her, but an extension of her secret love for Jamie. Whatever happened come the birth, Claire would fight with everything she had to raise the baby. Even if that meant losing her position with the Frasers.  

--

As the seasons turned, the calm quiet at Broch Tuarach broke. The arrival of the MacKenzie party brought a hive of activity to Lallybroch. Ellen's brothers, Collum and Dougal entered like a tour de force, bringing with them a few of their close relatives. It meant that Claire was snowed under with tasks - from sewing Brian's best shirts to a constant barrage of cooking and cleaning.

Most of these activities, Claire could cope with. But one unwelcome guest filled her with unknown dread.

Laoghaire MacKenzie was a petite blonde lassie with a wide smile. Given her new house bound status, Claire could only watch through the dusty windows of the big house as the young girl followed Jamie around like a little lost puppy. She watched through wide whisky eyes as Mistress Laoghaire batted her large blue ones, flashing wide toothy smiles and adorning Jamie with sly touches here and there.

Alone in the dusk of the MacKenzie's first week in the house, Claire slid beneath her well worn sheets, melancholia encasing her. She'd spent the day casting sorrowful glances at Jamie and Laoghaire as the pair had lunged horses in the pastures closest to the kitchen.

Claire had snuck out for an hour, excusing herself to pick herbs in the front garden but the sight of them laughing and joking together had twisted her gut and she'd rushed back inside as quickly as possible, averting her gaze from the action.

"Maybe she's the one," Claire sobbed, her hands shaking as they rested on her bloated abdomen, "maybe she's who he is promised to."

The babe was more active now, the butterflies morphing into something infinitely more noticeable. As if her unborn sensed her despair, the distinctive feeling of a palm pressed against the inside of her womb.

Holding back a sob, Claire mimicked the motion, trying to capture the hand of her baby. "Maybe," she whispered, defeat lacing her tone, "m-maybe she's the one he'll marry."

--

It didn't take long for Claire to fall into a restless sleep. She tossed and turned, her toes clenching as she dreamed of what her life might be like in only a few months time.

The subtle tang of whisky invaded her senses as she curled her hand around something firm and warm, its human-like heat almost bringing her round. It wasn't until soft lips touched hers that she jerked awake.

"Hush, Claire," Jamie soothed, his face a blur in the dark chambers, "'tis only me...I havena seen ye in so long, a ghraidh..." his voice held such intense longing that Claire felt bad for thinking he was anything less that committed to her. Flashes of his week with the MacKenzie's, though, appeared before her eyes reminding her in an instant why she had a right to be afraid.

"You know I couldn't come and find you," she whispered, her lips seeking his as she felt his breath waft over her face, "Mama Crook has been keeping me busy."

Jamie wasn't blind. He had noticed the almost exasperatingly close eye Mrs Crook had been keeping on Claire. Something had happened on their trip to Inverness, he knew that much. But his Da was being annoyingly quiet on the matter.

"That's why I had to come and see you," he mumbled, ignoring the need to ask the question. He had a feeling Claire would be equally tight lipped about it. "I've missed ye."

Wrapping her hand around the back of his neck, Claire brought him closer, being careful not to expose her stomach to him - lest he notice the newly formed bump that sat in place of her usually flat belly.

"I've missed you too," Claire replied, unable to hold back. "So much, b-but I know you have *duties* to attend to. I know I can't monopolise all of your time."

"Yes, mo nighean donn, ye can," he interrupted, keen to ensure she knew how much he had needed her close by his side. "I've had t' babysit Collum's niece the whole week. Ye have *no* idea how infuriating the lassie is!"

Smiling, Claire immediately felt mean for being glad that he hadn't entirely _liked_ Laoghaire's company. The fact that he never used her name in conversation made her smile all the wider.

"Go on..." Claire begged, tipping her head to the side as she awaited a fresh kiss, "tell me what annoyed you so."

Chuckling, Jamie ran a lone finger across Claire's heated brow as he nudged his nose against hers. "Weel, for a start she doesna hush. She talks nonstop about the most absurd things. Baubles, trinkets and shiny things that I have no interest in."

"But she helped you with the mares the other day, she seemed invested in that," Claire probed, her heart lightening significantly as Jamie's tale went on.

"Aye, she wa' there alright, but she wasna interested in that actual job of it. The whole time I couldna help but wish it had been you out there wi' me. You're helpful!"

"I recall last time," Claire laughed, energised by this turn of events, "you told me that I was a liability with the horses!"

"Ha!" Jamie scoffed, rolling his eyes in the dim blackness, "well now I know better, don't I."

"Good to know," Claire returned, snuggling against Jamie's neck as the birds began to tweet outside. Morning was coming.

Moving his hand gently down her chin, along her neck and over her collarbone, Jamie made to sneak his fingers beneath Claire's bedsheets - needing to feel her, desperately seeking her warmth.

Claire's heart stopped, a deep pounding rattling her bones as she hastily grabbed Jamie, ceasing his movements completely. "Not now, we can't --not enough time," she whispered, her mouth going instantly dry.

"Aye," Jamie replied breathlessly, "I ken."

She could tell that he was disappointed, and so was she. Even here, alone and cocooned in the dark of her bedroom she hadn't the strength to tell him. Looking him deep in the eyes, she noticed the pure innocence that radiated from him. She felt a bolt of lightning shoot through her and -- in that moment --  she almost told him. Almost.

But the cuckoo clock chimed upstairs, the ding of it reverberating through the floors of the big house causing the floorboards to shake.

"I haveta go, Claire," Jamie sighed, defeated. He'd felt something change in that moment and he had been *certain* she was about to tell him something. But the chance had gone, broken by the sounds of the house beginning to wake for the day. "But I'll see ye soon, aye?"

"Yes," Claire answered, watching sorrowfully as Jamie disappeared back upstairs. "I'll be here...we'll be here..."

--

It wasn't long after that the MacKenzie's made their apologies and left - back to Leoch. With Laoghaire gone, Claire relaxed, her fears that she might be bound for Jamie's affections fading. She could dutifully ignore everything else and the days began to bleed into one another.

Waking one night, alone, she felt her skin prickle with want, her thighs clenching as if Jamie had been there touching her.

"No," she sighed, determined to fight the urge, "can't..."

Sleepy as she was, she could feel desire tugging at her, its persistent voice growing only louder as she tried to force herself back to sleep.

Claire could feel him, even though she was certain that he wasn't *actually* there.

Twisting onto her other side, her face now angled towards the door, she blinked. Her eyes opened slowly, allowing her gaze the chance to adapt to the inky blackness that surrounded her. The door remained closed.

'For the best,' she thought, blearily. Knowing that she would have broken down -- and told him everything before begging him to take her -- had he appeared.

Slipping her hand between her legs, Claire calmly slid her shift aside. Temptation was too much, in the end, and she shut out the niggling doubts that whispered at her not to touch herself like this. With Jamie still close by she could ignore the depressing thoughts and focus on the more positive ones.

Brian, she’d overheard once, had often told the boys that although the bible saw it as a sin, they were better off committing acts of self gratification than getting themselves into bother with ladies and intercourse.

Taking this advice, Claire mimicked Jamie's actions - from what she remembered of them - sneaking her palm between the crease of her legs and applying pressure to where she ached the most.

A burst of lust shot through her on first contact, and she thrust her hips, her teeth biting around her pillow in an attempted to quell the wails she so desperately wanted to unleash at the feeling.

It wasn't Jamie, but she could imagine that it was. It was his voice that whispered in her ear. 'That's it, Claire. Aye. Come to me, mo nighean..'

Curling her fingers, Claire gathered the growing moisture using the lubrication to stimulate her further as she wrapped herself neatly around her protruding belly.

She swore she could feel Jamie as waves of pleasure washed over her, the current pulling her under time and time again as her spine flexed and her knees trembled. Faster she moved, sweat gathering on her brow and dripping down the side of her face as she moaned soundlessly, crying out Jamie's name as a deep throb intensified and rolled through her bones. She felt weightless, tingling beginning in her toes as her tongue peeked out from between her red stained lips.

"J-a-m-i-e..." she panted, her muscles spasming as she jerked and stilled, her body trembling with the pressure of it as she pulled in shallow breaths to remain conscious and lucid.

Claire awoke as the sun burst in through her tiny window, sleep colouring her vision as she rubbed her eyes and stretched her legs beneath the sheets. Morning. The chime of the clock brought her around fully as the telltale sign of life pounded above her.

Sunday.

The irony wasn't lost on her. A day for church. A day for confession, if she so needed. The night before appeared behind her lids and she blinked away the memory.

She had so much to atone for, and too little time.

Grabbing the large bandages, Claire began to strap herself up, all the while being careful not to hem herself in too tightly. Her corsets felt uncomfortable now, their intricate boning jabbing her in all the wrong places as she tried to ensure her tummy didn't look suspiciously large.

She could feel the baby flop inside her, the tiny bairn wriggling as if vocally displeased with her new living arrangements.

"I'm sorry," Claire whispered, looking down at her now (mostly) flat abdomen, "I'm so sorry, sweet one. Not for much longer...promise."

--

Following studiously behind Mama Crook, Claire filed into the pews, taking her seat behind the Fraser's as the priest began the sermon. She didn't hear a word. The hour passed like a blur in front of her eyes as she nervously jiggled her leg against the cold stone floor of the church.

She knew the priest, they all did. And although she knew he was sworn to secrecy - she was no less afraid to discuss this matter with him.

Someone would now know her secret.

Someone who *still* wasn't Jamie.

That thought tugged at her heart and she felt distinctly like a scarlet woman.

Waiting quietly, Claire counted the lead lines that lay between each beautiful portrait on the stained glass windows. Images of biblical events filled her vision - the pregnant depiction of Mary being raised to the heavens by God to be the mother of his child cementing itself in her brain as she sat rigidly in the wooden seats.

She was no chosen one. Simply a girl caught in a spot of trouble.

"Claire?" Mama Crook called, waking Claire from her daydreaming, "time for ye, lass..."

Stumbling towards the confessional, Claire gripped her rosary tight. Truly she hadn't much thought of religion. She had gone to church, confessed and prayed like everyone else but it had never been something she'd either feared or delighted in. It simply was the way of life.

Now, however, it seemed incredibly significant.

"F-forgive me, father," Claire began, her hands shaking uncontrollably as she shifted against the cushioned seat of the confessional box, "for I have sinned..."

[cupofsorrows]

HOWARD LOVECRAFT 4: CRAFT HARD WITH A VENGEANCE

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Time to continue this cursed journey, blighted not by eldritch forces but by sub-quality filmmaking. As you’ll recall (or not), LL Cool Craft and those other two dudes were on their way to beat themselves up a necromancer. Let’s see how well they’re doing:

PRETTY GOOD, IT DOESN’T SEEM.

Except wait, they actually do pretty well, because as we’ve already established knocking a shoggoth out through blunt force is both possible and fairly easy to do, and also because Dr. Armitage has the athleticism of a young Super Mario.

seen here bestowing an orb of discord on the enemy. yes i went back to the zenyatta joke.

Of course, they eventually get captured, and now it’s time for King Abby to reveal his evil plan...

“nah dude I already saw that movie, I know Thanos loses in the end.”

Suffice it to say that basically Abdul wants to “open the Gate of Dreams” because daily life has become soul-crushingly dull.

Like, I get it dude, I’ve worked retail too, but you don’t see me trying to destroy the universe. Anyways, the final journal is hidden behind a magic gateway that apparently only Howard can pass through:

All I can say is it’s a good thing this is an alternate re-imagining of Lovecraft’s life, and not the real version where he was heinously racist basically all the time.

Yes, Howard’s Dad, the animation’s terrible, but it’s looked like that all movie - I don’t understand why you’re just now reacting.

By now it’s time for the tables to turn yet again, through a series of actions I didn’t care enough to cap, and it looks like everyone’s about to escape...

BUT WAIT!

Nooooo Dr. Armitage! You were.......a character in this movie!

All four of them (they got Spot’s astral form in the crystal ball) escape through the portal, but Armitage is wounded in that special animation way where there’s no blood or even clothing damage but you have to hold your side and wince and you can’t walk for some reason. Is he going to make it?

Sorry, kid, but it looks like it’s his time to...return to the university? Um, OK. Oh, but first he can restore Spot to his bargain-bin aladdin-genie form.

Farewell, Doctor. This whole scene was very nearly pointless.

It’s all good, though, because the Three Amigos have a new destination!

This gives Paw Lovecraft plenty of time to ramble about how he came to write the journals (notice throughout how they can’t be arsed to give half of the things in this movie proper shadows but they do make sure to take the extra effort with the beads of sweat on his forehead):

Cool story bro, but I’m still a little unclear about NO NO WAIT I DIDN’T SAY FLASHBACK Aaah dammit, there he goes.

...

You could have given a thousand Lovecraft scholars an entire year to try to guess what might be in this movie and I don’t think a single one would have come up with “awkward Death Note homage”. My hat is off to you, movie. Bra-vo.

(i guess there’s a possibility it’s coincidental, but that’s even funnier because then that means two different people independently had the idea to animate somebody writing in a notebook but make it look as intense as possible, and they both came up with the exact same solution)

Now we’re finally introduced to Doctor West (voiced by Christopher Plummer), the mysterious colleague of Lovecraft Senior whom we’ve AAUUGH

my man I am so, so sorry.

...er, anyway, seems the two of them were working together when they made their big breakthrough. Here we see them as Lovecraft the Elder prepares to journey to either an alien planet or a particularly wild orgy.

...Adding “Stargate” to the list of things I wasn’t expecting this movie to rip off...

And now, at last, we learn why “Undersea Kingdom” was in this movie’s title.

I dunno, dude, it’s a kingdom and it’s undersea. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

Just then, however, Flashback Howard’s Dad is treated to a terrifying sight!

bigchungus.png

“Nice notebook, nerd! Yyyyyyoink!”

...And that’s the state of things now. That’s why DadCraft went nuts and that’s where the last journal is. He timed his flashback well, for they’ve just arrived at their destination:

Yeah, they probably shunned it because some crazy, Edgar Allan Poe-looking fucker was always up there running around and babbling in a nonsense language! I’d shun that place, too!

Underneath the hill is a secret base where Dad suits up to return to the Undersea Kingdom™ - Howard doesn’t need one, on account of the ‘turning into a fish’ thing.

see?

OK credit where credit is due, the actor playing this guy is really making an effort, and I actually sort of chuckled at this bit. His delivery is usually pretty goofy, but I think that’s the way to go here, and even if most of his lines are clunkers because, well, most of the script is clunky, there’s still an undeniable sort of heart behind it. Imdb says the actor’s name is Tyler Nicol, who doesn’t seem to have been in much, and probably can’t stand on the level of the big-name talents in this movie (though I def wouldn’t say they’re all at their best here), but I think he deserves some recognition for trying.

Tangent over, here comes the big fish dude again.

I think we can all guess what his name is...

...Munkus Q. Charliebears! ...Oh, yeah, or Dagon. That would’ve been my second guess.

But it’s OK, he’s on our side! In his minute or so of screen time Dagon manages to deliver probably the most useful exposition in the whole damn film, explaining that he took the journal to keep it safe and that he put up the magic gate that only plucky boy heroes can pass through, as well as laying out some background for Nyarlathotep and his motivation for being involved in this. It turns out that Nyarrblbarbagarbl wants to activate Cthulhu in accordance to the wishes of their mutual father, Azathoth. Now everybody’s hanging out in Dagon’s crib to get at the journal, so our pal Hovercraft had better get moving to get it before the bad guys do. This falls on him, because it was his dad who fucked everything up in the first place and now he’s too cuckoo to fix it himself.

You sure it’s that and not...you know. The racism?

Alright, so everybody up to speed? Everyone understand everything? No? Well too damn bad.

Disappointingly, “Y’ha” is not pronounced “Yeeha”.

(PRONUNCIATION GUIDE THUS FAR:

Tekeli-li - Tekah-leelee

Cthulhu - Kuh-too-loo (probably the way you’ve heard it elsewhere)

Shoggoth - Shuh-GOTH

Nyarlahotep - Nee-ar-LA-ho-tep

Innsmouth - The ‘mouth’ is pronounced that way (i.e. the orifice you eat with) instead of ‘muth’ which I had always assumed

R’lyeh - Ruh-LAY (this is the one I’m most calling bullshit on)

Howard - JEFF-ree

As the goodguys approach, the badguys sense their arrival:

“ ‘WhAt sHaLl i dO, blehhhhh I’m a Dumbass’ That’s what you sound like.”

LMAO YASSS DRAG HIS ASS

Then Howard et al show up on the scene, and it’s time for the Big Bad to make his debut.

OK I like this, I think it’s actually sort of eerie, but it’s too little too late at this point. Also, isn’t Azathoth supposed to be sort of mindless? Or have I gotten him confused with some other ineffable outer being?

I feel like I should say something about the sudden art shift, but I’m approaching the end of my patience and I just want this all to be over already.

Surprise, Mom is still a hostage! Her skin has definitely looked better, too.

LOOK OUT, WALLACE N. GROMIT IS OFF THE SHITS

You know what else he looks like to me? A cartoon mailman. Remove the mask and the hood, add the little mailman hat...do you see it?

Did I mention the trials? No? OK: there are trials.

The fate of the world before him, his family behind him, his meat enormous, Hocus Pocus Lovecraft can do nothing but move forward.

2 B CONTINUED

RIGHT NOW

[elizabethrobertajones]

2x13, aka I'm  now up to a very solid bullet point no.4 on the list of Why And How To Ship Destiel In Seasons 1-3, and I probably need to put it under a cut because this episode is ridiculous. You all probably know it but I want it in one place and this time I'm a bit more awake so adding a few meta thoughts here and there :P

2x13:

TELEVANGELIST You don't have to suffer, you don't have to be lost. The lord is talking to you right now; he's saying, you are my child and you have a purpose! You think God forgot about you? I tell you no! All you got to do is listen! Can't you just hear those angels singing? Isn't it beautiful? It's time. It's time to receive the message he's sending. It's time to listen to the Word of God! Do you hear the glory? I said, can you hear it? I said, can you just hear the glory?

Once again, these 2 exchanges about purpose...

4x01:

DEAN Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell? CASTIEL Good things do happen, Dean. DEAN Not in my experience. CASTIEL What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved? DEAN Why'd you do it? CASTIEL Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you.

4x02:

DEAN Proof that there's a God out there that actually gives a crap about me personally? I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it. SAM Why not? DEAN Because why me? If there is a God out there, why would he give a crap about me? SAM Dean -- DEAN I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the stealing and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy. SAM Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs. DEAN Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by... God. SAM Okay, well, too bad, Dean, because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat.

& here, this is an interesting one I'm sure someone's put the two visually side-by-side already with them both sitting in a hospital staring up and generally Anna using the same sort of aesthetic, but in word choice they compare as well -

GLORIA I've never felt better. SAM So, no disturbances lately? GLORIA You mean am I stark raving cuckoo for cocoa puffs? SAM I didn't say that. GLORIA It's all right. I know what people must think.

4x09:

ANNA I was trying to warn them. PSYCHOLOGIST Warn who? ANNA Everyone. Forget it. It was stupid. PSYCHOLOGIST What were you trying to warn them about? ANNA Look... I get it. You think I'm nuts. If I were you, I'd think I was nuts. But it's all true.

Some more obvious side by sides...

2x13:

GLORIA I know, it sounds strange. But what I did was very important. I helped him smite an evil man. I was chosen. For redemption.

4x16:

CASTIEL Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you— DEAN Jump-started the apocalypse. CASTIEL And we were too late. DEAN Why didn't you just leave me there, then? CASTIEL It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.

(Ignoring all the earlier stuff, this is what they essentially put Dean to work doing between his random resurrection and telling him it was all just a scam to soften him up for being Michael's vessel. He was SUPPOSED to be filled with a righteous purpose and brought back after doing unspeakable evil in Hell to be redeemed by his actions/choices... Which being possessed would have supposedly to them been the ultimate redemption Dean could ask for... I think he and Cas are seeing right through it by this point but still, it makes it more clear than anything else so far what they ACTUALLY wanted him for)

2x13:

SAM Yeah. Gloria Sitnick. And I'm not so sure she's crazy. DEAN But she seriously believes that she was ... touched by an angel?

4x02:

SAM Well, then tell me what else it could be. DEAN Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel.

(I like that one because of the way Dean changes the reference when it's about him - after all he's been through he can't imagine anything good happening here so the more innocent "touched by an angel" reference gets corrupted into an attack on himself. And by "like" I mean "AAAAAAH" *clutches Dean girl feels and curls into a ball to weep*)

2x13:

DEAN Well, little odd yes, supernatural maybe. But angels? I don't think so. SAM Why not? DEAN (as if it's obvious) 'Cuz there's no such thing, Sam.

4x01:

CASTIEL I'm an Angel of the Lord. DEAN Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing.

Bonus refuted nonsense line coming out of Dean's mouth just to prove that the show wants you to know with hindsight that this episode is the biggest prank the universe ever pulled on Dean "literally married to an angel" Winchester:

DEAN Yeah, you know what? There's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they, they ride on silver moonbeams, and they shoot rainbows out of their ass.

(repeated conversation from Faith to tie 1x12 to 2x13 with reminding us of Dean's stance about believing only the stuff you see bexause these are stepping stones to Dean being proven epically wrong - seemingly culminating in the end of this episode but really just to soften him up for later and I am convinced again that Michael or someone orchestrated this whole little thing for Dean to witness in order to make him a bit more credible and properly awed by divine wrath... Anyway I won't quote all this back to back stuff about seeing is believing but Dean's stance hasn't changed)

2x13:

DEAN You didn't see any fluffy white wing feathers?

2x13:

SAM (nodding to a painting on the wall) Father, that's Michael, right?

#no

FR. REYNOLDS That's right. The archangel Michael, with the flaming sword. The fighter of demons. Holy force against evil. SAM So they're not really the Hallmark card version that everybody thinks? They're fierce, right? Vigilant? FR. REYNOLDS Well, I like to think of them as more loving than wrathful. But, uh, yes, a lot of Scripture paints angels as God's warriors. "An angel of the Lord appeared to them, the glory of the Lord shone down upon them, and they were terrified."

4x02:

DEAN I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- you know, Michael Landon. Not dicks. CASTIEL Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier.

(And Dean's problem might be that this 'wrathful' thing didn't stick in his mind because the 'guardians' thing was his impression - what Mary told him, the idea he clung onto all that time with the kind of miserable feeling that it was too good to be true... But bonus points for clearly aligning Michael with what they do and we know with hindsight, it's talking specifically about Dean.)

2x13:

DEAN I mean, what's next, are you going to start praying every day? SAM I do. DEAN What? SAM I do pray every day. I have for a long time. DEAN (startled) The things you learn about a guy.

(... the temptation to add the "I prayed to you Cas, every night!" gif from 8x02. But yeah not the point although a very good point others have made. I love that it establishes that Sam has a completely different relationship to faith and angels than Dean - he's been fighting that it might be angels all episode but this point is where we get a statement on his feelings - that he HAS faith. Sam has faith to be broken, Dean has no faith for the sake of deeply, deeply complicating that for him. And in the end faith is a crappy thing to have anyway in this universe when it comes to higher powers, but when it comes specifically to angels and Cas within that, the lesson is very, very different for Sam as it is for Dean. Mittens just reminded me of Sam casually talking about Cas's vessel as an "it" for example, while Dean thinks of Cas as "he" in any situation, and that's from the end of season 11.)

2x13:

SAM It just, it appeared before me and I just, this feeling washed over me, you know? Like, like peace. Like grace.

oh boy, angels and peace. This is also a great parallel to 12x19 and what happened to Cas with Jack - he sees a future with peace, and Jack uses him but other than giving Cas a very obvious new purpose he doesn't change at his core. Sam is still Sam here, he just utterly believes that he has to go kill this guy and that it's right.

(Jury still out on Jack and what exactly this future is...)

DEAN Well, what's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power, there's no God. I mean, there's just chaos, and violence, and random unpredictable evil th, that comes out of nowhere, and rips you to shreds.

(How Dean dies in 3x16 because fuckin' OUCH he's smile-crying through this incredible speech. I think his eyes are still wobbling with tears even when I have it paused)

4x02:

DEAN If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason -- just random, horrible, evil -- I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?

Wait I skipped Mary entirely.

DEAN Okay, all right. You know what? I get it. You've got faith. That's — hey, good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that — Mom. She used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me. SAM You never told me that. DEAN Well, what's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her.

*screams at this incoherently*

Favourite nice bit: makes 1x01 retroactively Destiel because Dean puts this into his life story off-screen. Overt awful use of this line is probably 5x13:

MARY Ohh...quite a kick there. Troublemaker already. It's okay, baby. It's all okay. Angels are watching over you.

Her obliviousness to the Grand Plan at the worst moment in season 5 for feeling they can resist the Grand Plan comes after Dean ironcially names Team Free Will sarcastically and miserably.

Buuut then Mary comes back and everything she ever seemed to have built is all fucked up - her family is gone, her sons are grown up, John is dead, she caused an apolocalypse... But hey, one silver lining - her first real interaction with the concept of the wider family they've made on the other side of all that is seeing there is an angel that watches over her sons after all... He's not exactly what Dean was expecting and he's not what Mary would have expected for totally different reasons, but hey, there he is :')

Although not like this is even something that escapes criticism/being taken too far (it was Cas's downfall in season 6 and 12) - I think this bit from 12x19 shows best how Cas is acting like this in a way where watching over them is crossing a line from fighting with them to feeling like he has to protect them more than they'd want him to

Kelvin: You're doing the right thing, you know. Committing to Joshua's plan, putting angelkind above the Winchesters. I mean, your reputation in Heaven is – Castiel: This has nothing to do with my reputation. I am doing this for the Winchesters. I-I stole the Colt to keep them out of this mission and to keep them safe from Dagon, and I – I will kill this girl so that Sam and Dean don't have to.

Anyway.

2x13:

DEAN That's funny, actually. Seriously. If Father Gregory's spirit is around, a séance will bring him right to us. If it's him, then we'll put him to rest. SAM But if it's an angel, it won't show. Nothin' 'll happen. DEAN Exactly. That's one of the perks of the job, Sam: we don't have to operate on faith. We can know for sure. Don't you wanna know for sure?

I am in a world of pain about Dean wanting to summon an angel to prove it's not their because nothing's out there looking out for them and aaall those times Cas isn't answering when he needs him >.>

That's not a firm meta thing that's just me clutching my heart and sobbing

FR. REYNOLDS Oh my god! Is that ... is that an angel? SAM No, it's not. It's just Father Gregory.

UGH I hate watching Sam's faith take a kicking. Considering how shitty angels and God are to him and how he's the one set up to have it all kicked out from under him... Bleh :P

FR. GREGORY Those innocent people are being offered redemption. Some people need redemption. Don't they, Sam?

Also pointing out again Sam feels guilt/is one of these people who needs redemption, to go along with how terrible he feels about finding out what John said about him/being hunted by other hunters. ... I forget how this episode is used to make Sam feel bad in the here and now because it's so focussed on Dean and where his arc GOES.

...

Anyway this was meant to be a basic compare and contrast post and I got a bit carried away and by a bit I mean a lot but YIKES this episode... It's just such a great little building block episode for a ton of arcs which are really rarely covered before they're in your face relevant.