#Thats probably why its harder
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The “We are the 99%” Tumblr blog became the slogan for the Occupy Wall Street movement.
Text
picked back up ddd again today after my like .unintentional half year hiatus <3 How does this game work
#coming straight off of kh2 and bbs .its taking a second to really click#i feel like riku is so much better to fight with than sora for some reason#anyways .I finished traverse town (bye twewy :(#and now im in the middle of the three musketeers for both#ok .the way I died to that dinosaur chasing the carriage at Least eight times#the fight w all the elephants was at least 4#but also im continuing on standard instead of restarting it in beginner mode so hm#Thats probably why its harder#kat post
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
House M.D. but it's when a character says the name of the episode
#house md#prince's talk tag#flashing#repitition#so as i was watching this show i noticed they'd say the episode title in the episode#so i wanted to see how many times they did it#the people on livejournal who made transcripts of the episodes are my saviors and without them this would of been so much harder to do#thank you all for your service and i hope wherever you all are you're having a great day#sometimes they would use a variation of the word like in the episode poison they would say 'poisoned' or 'poisoning'#i did not include those instances#there was an instance in 'merry little christmas' where they do play the song in the show#but since ella fitzgerald was not a character in the show i did not include it#where as in the episode 'joy to the world' the students are singing it in the concert so i did include that#i apologize for the tonal whiplash when you get to that part but it did make me laugh#one of the times kutner says 'locked in' is overshadowed by the POTW's voice over but i assure you he says it and thats why its in there#out of the main characters from the one who said the title the most to least are#House > Foreman > Wilson > Chase > Cuddy > Adams > Cameron and Taub > Kutner > Thirteen and Park#this took a bit to do lolol its probably been done already but i wanted my own#there is a chance im missing some on technicalities but idc. im fine with this#there are two more i wanna do but with a character saying another character's name but ill do that some other time#EDIT: When I was making this video I was unaware that the Pilot episode went by two names: 'Pilot' and 'Everybody Lies'#Basically everywhere I looked the first episode was only referred to by 'Pilot'#which I found weird bc i remember seeing somewhere that the last episode was paired with the first episode in terms of title#but i couldn't find hard proof so I decided to leave it out at the time#well i checked again last night and yea the pilot IS also called Everybody Lies so I updated the video#I also think it goes well with the fact that House does say 'Everybody Dies' in the finale so another reason to fix it#AND he says it without Wilson while he and Wilson say the title of the pilot sooooo yea hehehehehe
454 notes
·
View notes
Note
do u think either charles or erik had trouble coming to terms with their love for one another?? like religious guilt, internalized homophobia, etc.
Many such cases really … not hard to imagine them dealin with that …
#snap chats#erik might depend tho. depends on when he realizes hes in love with charles#before going Full Magneto i can imagine SOME internalized guilt but post prob not#under the whole ‘why be ashamed of what i am in ANY regard’ and all that#charles def probably has a worse time dealing with feelings of guilt#tho thats just charles in general being in love with someone i fear fjOWDJAKS#i cant imagine gender has anything to do with it tho. just charles Being Charles#hang on im sitting here thinking about it now#i think charles and erik wouldnt DOUBT the love they have for each other just- again depending on what era of erik this is- may be hesitant#magneto erik reads more as Bitterly in love with charles do you know what i mean#like ‘i love you and its painful i love you because of how incompatible we are now’ type shit#charles got that tired divorced-but-still-in-love dad energy about him towards magneto#fuck i was supposed to talk about their First Feelings Of Love im so off topic djOAZJSJ#my brain refuses to think of them younger than their thirties im so sorry let me try again#yeah no i could see them both accept the fact they have feelinfs about each other but for one reason or another not act on it#esp if they were with gab at the time. Oops. its kinda awkward now#in THAT RESPECT THEN i can see charles feeling conflicted and a little guilty#ditto on eriks part if he acknowledges charles’ feelings for gab#but without gab in the picture? i could see charles making a move and not being so ashamed of himself#maybe. after some time together i do see charles making the first move#would erik reciprocate and admit his feelings in that moment ? maybe not. give him like. a day or two tho diOEDJSJ#i typed all that bullshit for nothing sorry i put the answer at rhe very bottom we know how i am at this point#see now i just imagine charles talking to erik about accepting his queerness and erik getting snooty#like No Erik Im Not Saying This So You’ll Date Me I’m Saying This So You Love Yourself or something to that tune#and charles is truthful in that hes all about helping others accept themselves. and thats exactly why erik falls harder in love with him 😔#and then they make out sloppy style the end
23 notes
·
View notes
Note
I know it’s normal to his character but there is something so sick and twisted about how in CC we see Leo using white lies to joke. It’s a one-off joke but these lines:
OH THEY DROVE ME INSANE. Leo is so good at acting and manipulating and gaslighting, and he uses his skill with it so gently with Donnie most of the time, especially because Donnie is worse than picking up on subtexts/takes people more at their word than most. Like—Leo is so careful about not leaving Donnie out of the joke, and in turn Donnie trusts Leo to make it so he can always tell when something is a lie. It’s like Leo has a blade and is gently tapping Donnie with the flat end to make him laugh, and Donnie doesn’t even twitch because Leo’s never so much as nicked him.
And then Leo tells him he’s crazy. He’s hysterical. He’s being weird. You’re making things up and losing your tools. Yeah you really were in the wrong “but thanks ilysm.” You were only in the closet for a few hours. God you’re terrible at taking a joke. Leo stabs him over and over again and Donnie doesn’t even realize it because Leo’s never so much as nicked him so Donnie doesn’t realize he was being cut into until it was killing him. Just. Oohhh Donnie trusted him entirely with his little heart and Leo squeezed until it stopped moving.
YES THIS!!!!!!! and then in ME leo chooses to lie to him again, even though it's something he's so guilty about doing because he was the main one responsible for the gaslighting (he was the ringleader of it all, something about how he already fell into a leadership position before it was even put on his shoulders being so apparent here, especially as someone who motivated/hyped the others up,,,,,) because he thinks he's out of options, that its the only thing he can do to make things a little better. he's perpetuating the cycle he's trying to break out of as a self-fulfilling prophecy; does the intent even really matter when its so clear the effect is going to be the same? was there any right answer?
even though its definitely a cognitive distortion created from the tragedy of what happened, maybe leo did have somewhat of a point when he said donnie trusted him too much. he laid out the means to his own undoing on a silver platter and refused to take it away even as he bled out on the floor; for such a complicated person, donnie makes his love so simple and unconditional, and that's fine, of course, as long as nobody goes out of their way to hurt him--- that's how the family's always functioned, hasn't it? as terrible as raph was under the effects of the curse, he was correct when he said that things only work in their family when everyone plays their part. its interesting how easy it is to push over one domino and let the rest fall, how fragile peace can be with just one slip-up, one mistake... it almost reminds me of something else that happened =)
#ask#canary continuity#what i meant when i said the curse did have a point to it#an attempt to teach a “lesson”#anyways GOOD SHIT GOOD SHIT youre very correct abt all of this#honestly in CL leo was probably my favorite to write because he kind of slayed with how horrible he was.... slithery little bastard#he has a lot of good traits to twist into a villain i love him for that#leo knows how to think twenty steps ahead and thats why he fires all of the first shots. its why he gets away with open cruelty so early on#the others bide their time but leo takes advantage of donnies complete faith in him because he knows HOW to#mikey only really gets nasty when leo is there to cover for him for example#with like one exception with that scene in the kitchen#and raph never actually indicates he enjoys hurting donnie at all. he always seems weary and annoyed#its very telling#raph hits so much harder but leo was the one to give him the opening in the first place#because he ground him down first#just like in the final fight#(also for the record that particular one off joke was intentiona for the reasons you statedl!!!)#(thank you sm for looking into my work nobody has EVER done that before)
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hmm last night I actually wondered abt smth and have a good ask!
Since SOS and Pebbles had no way to cross paths, and as Saint has almost no way of knowing Moon and Pebbles' story, what are Saint's feelings on Pebbles as Moon's brother? Is Saint glad Moon had someone to spend her time with? (Hah. Heh...)
AHH KSEN! You are such a joy to see in here..
As far as I remember from in game dialogue and whatnot, Saint doesn't even have any reliable way to know that Pebbles is her brother. I really like the idea that the concept of siblinghood among iterators wasn't all that common for him to just assume. Saint is probably glad that due to their unusually close proximity, their communications probably fell apart very late...
That being said... bringing the music pearl does give away.. that he did something not great.
Combined with the fact that he stinks of dead rot.. something worrying and quite unfortunate sure happened.
Saint not knowing such crucial information does cement how much of Moon's life Sliver wasn't there to see though. And that's something.
#saint wouldnt have much context on their relationship or why there're so close#or why pebbles is even there??#seeing a building crashed into the citadel is...peculiar waitt moon wasnt#quite there#and then bam#thats not moon???#because moons building is underwater its harder to notice#oh its so tragic yet ironic#pebbles worships sos so much#when if she was actually around#she would have probably ruined his life with annoying him#u thought nsh was bad? please#ask#kiki rambles#ksenya-and-the-artistic-cucumber
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
just started watching Arcane and like - i know silco isnt a good guy but it just like hes everything my father isnt protective and caring (in his own way ig) and like i know my father would never dream of doing anything like that and the whole theme of parenthood being the one thing that breaks everyone is (maybe) true i know my father would never and it just hurts cause these arent good people and on paper my father is better than them but he really isnt. he really really isnt
#another faceless girl#will make smth more coherent soon#i know no one sees these but arrhrhhrrh#it just the theme of fatherhood breaking everyone even someone who tried to bulid all their walls out of smth unbreakable being broken#by a daughter of all things#it just hits so much harder when you know your own father would never do any of this crap#hed probably turn me in honestly#because when you dont have daddy issues and you watch this show i imagine it just like “oh i like vander!” and “oh i dont like silco!”#and its that easy cause your father loves you#but my father doesnt so even when i see unhinged unhealthy father-daughter relationships#i just think it sweet because to me it is cause my father wouldnt even try in the first place!!!#and this makes no sense does it but ragahahaha it makes sense TO ME#and maybe someone out there#but like the unrestrained protectivenss of silco with power/jinx cause even thoughs hes evil hes a good father (maybe)£#or at least he loves his kids!!#so when its the other way around and your father is a good person who doesnt like his kids it just smack you like a brick#cause wow#thats what its supposed to be like.#huh. what.#i have so many thoughts i will expand on this for my sake no one elses heheh :) suffer#arcane#i guess#i hate my dad#daddy issues#powder and silco#dont know why im tagging this proper no one will read it but ah well#it adds to my sad girl tumblr profile#i need it on my resume for sad girl on tumblr school!!! making my portfolio rn#hope i get in!!!!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i finally finished alternate outfit designs for my ocs :) well these five at least lol
ill put the individual frames under the cut!
#finn's ocs#i think tumblr sort of made the drawings a bit blurrier so its harder to see some details like saiphs scars or miras stretch marks... sad!#hopefully clicking on it solves that?#anyway i ended up doing the pjs after all bc i figured messy hair would be fun to do#and if i was going to put saiph in underpants anyway it would be funny to do like. the cartoon heart boxers but w fire lol#the formal looks were fun to do though. you can tell al's is like totally inspired by utena's look in aou#there are for sure through lines i wanted to keep w all their outfits like in general#aside from just keeping the same colors and general style#like mira always has like a cold shoulder look and tends to have somekind of asymmetry towards the bottom#except for her formal look for the latter#saiph always wears those wrist things no mater what. also he always has somekinda flame pattern#polaris either has snowflakes stars or compasses ofc. and if she has somekinda skirt the red will be Under it#bella has the same skull design on her bows. except for the pj look where now the skull itself is wearing a bow#and al has the stars on the strings and mismatched shoes#the most similar outfits are the summer/spring and winter/fall ones#those are pretty much default outfits so thats why#and their hairstyles in the winter/fall looks are like just slightly longer versions of their summer/spring styles#they dont really change hairstyles for the beach and pjs aside from the long haired characters pulling them up different#or putting them down for the pjs look. in bellas case#their formal look probably has the most difference in hairstyle. like theyre not just grown out or pulled back#theyre like actually styled different#these arent their final looks btw there are like completely different timeskip designs too but like#id have to use different bases for those probably. there would be changes LOL#but yeah :)#finn's art#forgor that one
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to be Me™️ but
#when will i get over it because at this point like...#theres no reason for this and i should be over shit by now#i am an entirely different person and no one i know os the same either so the idea of holding on to the past#seems at this point absolutely insane i cant get over shit#where is my eternal sunshine brain wipe because like i deserve to be normal at this point#i cannot believe this is a real thing my brain is doing to me#me @ my brain like girl be normal PLEASE#it just also doesnt even make sense at this point like#like brain please theres not actually anything to hold on to jsyk#theres nothing to hold on to everything is different everyone is different and if you go by the reality of what u were told instead of what#u feel you will realize there is nothing at all there#it was all in ur head bbg and thats probably even harder to get over but u gotta do it brain#we cant keep living w this lingering on#sigh#and im embarassed that i cant make it change at that point like its shameful to deal with at this rate#at this point being normal about anything would be nice#i actually want to know how to be normal but im fairly certain the answer is the ever annoying 'just keep going'#which im doing but like why am i not getting more normaler in the ways i want#anyway back to me being normal#but this is tumblr so normal is a heavy word
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#do you ever get the feeling youre not anybodys best friend#like sure you have friends and even call them best friends at times#but like if asked them to pick someone in a room full of people theyd never choose you?#they say they will but you know they never will because why would they?#i want someone to sit under the bench in class and still pretend like thats not weird#and knowing I'll probably never get that makes it so much harder to get through the day#why am i even doing it who cares#also why i dont ever want to get married because i know no one will show up#thats a weird addition but you get it right?#and i know its cliche to say oh i have no friends cause then people are obligated to be like I AM YOUR BESTFRIEND I LOVE YOU#and that makes me feel even more like shit because i just forced someone to be my friend#god i suck#haha fml
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Sorry, but I saw your comment about how Gepard is in that piece like Serval's shield, and I guess you mean in general how that's the role he has as the captain of the Silvermane guards and how that's the role he tried to get to get "even" with Serval due to childhood, but also... The fact that at the same time Serval is still literally his shield? That always makes me soooo ajfkabfksndjd when it comes to them and their dynamic.
DONT MAKE ME THINK ABOUT THIS IM TRYING TO COOL OFF LMAO
#answered#longagoitwastuesday#MORE REASONS TO APPRECIATE THAT ART SM you're so right though#i think i was saying something about like gepard living in serval's shadow and living up to a lot of the potential serval had left behind#but yeah also regardless of how much time has passed gepard is still very very much serval's little brother and serval still being#his shield in turn#actually if i think longer on the landaus i think im going to just go light myself on fire instead#see also thats another reason why i'm like 'so where does that leave lynx' i wanna knOW and understand more#i think i told myself this weekend im just gonna go rewatch servals companion quest and lynxs just bc this brainrots like killing me mental#but its fiiiiine its fiiiiiine we're okaaaaaay#you'd think after throwing up a lot of thoughts on them i'd shut up#i think i passed out last night talking about them#AND THEN WOKE UP TALKING ABOUT THEM AGAIN????????#girl shut the fuck up 😭😭😭#like idk there's probably no way we'll see the landau parents and that's totally fine by me#but i just wanna see and trace development between all three of the kids bc we can see how much that played into serval and gepard#but lynx. idk i feel like she just kinda went her own way and that was that#bUT I MUST DIG HARDER#anyways the tags are so barren....i need something to trap me in a neverending cycle of brainrotting destruction for them#anyways. normal day on snow's blog. what.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've just been playing the new cotl update for most of the day and I'm so so close to being done with the main new story bits I think but it's also past midnight but also I'm so excited idk if I'll be able to sleep but also god damn do I need to sleep
#rat rambles#and I know I wont have long to play when I wake up tomorrow since my friends will probably wanna continue our dont starve save#and I wanna too which is why I wont say no if they do but also aghhhhhh#Ill be able to finish it once they have to go to bed but thats so long Ill have to wait 😔#anyways I saved kalamar for last since hes the hardest originally but based off my current load out I think Ill be fine#aka literally every other bishop died in seconds due to my bomb demon being over level 30 lol#Im so glad they seem to scale further now its soooooo funny walking into a room with a boss and just watching them immediately explode#also Ive been using the golden fleece more and its been going pretty well#I got up to over 500% damage one run that was cool#Ive barely been touching the heavy attacks tho but tbf thats partially cause of keyboard mapping#Ive been having so so much fun with this update tho even if Im not a huge fan of a few aspects#this has brought so much more life to the combat portion to the game for me I havent had this much fun with the combat in a while#I do still need to collect all the rellics tho Im working on it#I also feel like I should buy all the new cards but man. none of them seem very appealing to me tbh#that is one of my big problems with cotl in general getting new cards can make it harder to get the more fun or useful ones#most of the actually useful cards are the base ones or ones given to you mostly for free#everything else is mildy useful or at least fun at best and actively useless at worst#like. ooo drop ichor on hit. wow. honestly give me deaths door at that point like jesus
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.
#we're all just desperately chasing each other around for a semblance of connection in this cold bleak world#but unfortunately due to the relentless crushing pressures of capitalism we also have to work so no time for that#man. sorry just frustrated n miserable now. wish i was capable of feeling close to other ppl wish i could give other ppl that connection#but instead we're just ships in the night passing by or whatever#and i have to settle with not rly being known or wanted or important in other ppls lives and its forever. btw#bc even if ppl do think they know me or do want me around or i am important to them in some way.. the specific torture labyrinth i call#home is constructed in the most elegant and precise way that im incapable of believing them to be sincere anyway#so thats all on me! if I tried harder and made more of an effort to communicate with or trust ppl i wouldnt feel this way!#but i dont so better luck in the next life i guess! this is why i dont think abt this shit bc it makes me want to kms#whats even the point man#dont even worry abt me im fine just need to fucking vent bc i dont have time to allow myself to feel anything bc i have plans tmr#so i need to go to bed early. and ill just try my best to keep distracted forever so ill never need to face how pathetically desperate#i am for any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever and also physical contact but im not normal enough to fulfil any of my own needs#yeah well. its my life that i have to live and im the one making it this way. digging my grave and lying in it innit#its fine tho bc they make repressed fictional characters that i can project onto instead of confronting any of my issues#so ill just be here in my labyrinth doing that. while everyone else gets to see sunlight and grass and whatever#im just so tired i dont want to do this i want to pretend i dont care and dont need it and maybe itll become true. its too much for me#let me know when they need me to pilot the jaeger and drift with someone and thru our mindmelding i can finally achieve intimacy and trust#well anyway. that was embarrassing. hope it works out for everyone else#hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want#except im going to make it as difficult as possible for as long as i can for them to get rid of me bc im selfish and want what i want so.#my obligate parasite ass. or whatever. im going to throw up if i keep thinking so thats a good place to stop and go to sleep probably#.vent#dont interact im being stupid as fuck and dont care just leave me alone thanks
1 note
·
View note
Text
My Argentavis scarlet is soooo strong, he's like level 63 or something. We had a 4x XP boost going and I saw an Alpha Carnosaur so we fought it! Scarlet only got 2 levels from it though.
I'm up to level 96 or something and unlocked the last tier of armor. It's a shame the top-quality armor is named that. I could never put on that armor. It would feel like LARPing an shitty person. I'll stick with my other stuff.
#thedragonqueenspeaks#i can see im going to unlock some sort of turrent next and im not even interested lol. i dont like using guns in games :3 i make an#exception for the rifle and tranq darts because thats the only way to tame a lot of things.#i dont know why i care lol. its not like it matters. certainly not in a game. but it makes me uncozy and i think its fun to implement rules#that make gameplay harder lol so.#its probably partially because its such a shame to waste perfectly good ammo on killing things when i coule turn it into tranq darts for#friends! cos i dont mind eating other dinos with my spino. or fighting things with a spear or sword or axe.
0 notes
Text
i really like them, but i also hate them. but im not really sure if i actually hate them or if i just like. hate the me i see in them. but like. is this feeling hate? or just like...disappointment?
#well they didnt /want/ to get better. not like you mc. someone who doesnt work hard. they dont-#-deserve to be saved. they wanted this so its only right that we dont geel bad mc.#that idea from before. more thinkings#so like. im really digging the scapegoat character;but this is probably because they look i used for them was a defult i use for when “i”#have to be in a story [reader insert; dating sim; etc] but i really dont want “me” in the story#and that character has become like...their own thing that has many versions of the same person. anyway.#i really like this chacter because its like. they're so chill. but so so resigned to it all. its not that they dont care#they just. dont have a reason to anymore. if they even did at all. “its just like that sometimes.”#they just go with it. because. way to much effort to fight against it. fight that good fight. and then i think about mc#who they are supposed to be a shadow of.#mc fights that good fight. they're life is screwed but they're /working/ on it. they want to get better#they want to live better. they want to be alive. they want to help but sometimes its to much. you know#typical mc fashion.#mc is like. okay.#im putting to much of myself in these characters but maybe thats why im so into this right now.#mc is like the person i want to be. whos going through it all but they want to get better. they have the blood on their knuckles#and determination and fear and /hope/. they keep saying it'll get better and they'll make it that way on god#and i want that for me but its so...so so hard you know?#and then theres shadow. or doppel. whatever#they're resigned and its just to hard to fight its so much easier to do the bare minimum even if thats getting harder#and harder by the day. but they do it. they dont have anything else going on. no dreams; no goals; no future. they're just here#so when asked to be mc's shadow its just a “whatever” thing#any frustration they might have felt gone with years of being worn down#they dont /want/ to get better. dont want to put in the work and. i like that.#there's no one thats gonna hold their hand on the path to getting better and they know that. thats also why its so easy to just live this#way since its like. normal now.#and that brings me to mc's dilemma. mc doesnt want to do thsi role that will kill them. they want to get better.#so when someone takes that role; willingly even; does that make mc “bad” for feeling relief?#but like. how would they know if this was something they wanted?#..personally. as the person writing this and the person who realtes to these 2 mc's. i wonder
0 notes
Text
man its so easy to get me into a bad mood it's actually stupid sometimes.
#sage speaks#i think its an autism thing. maybe.#it's just... god sometimes i just feel so emotionally volatile#and then people only then ask me for things#and it just feels sometimes like they're taking advantage? idk... its hard... because that's probably not the intent#but why only when im blatantly upset...#god i don't know#and its horrible either way because thats how i think about things#i overthink and its horrible and then its probably much harder to know if people are actually hurting me or if im overthinking their actions#i cant fucking deal with ot sometimes#vent
0 notes