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avis-writeshq · 1 year ago

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05 — enchanted

summary: “please don’t be in love with someone else”/“please don’t have somebody waiting on you.” pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, slow burn, no use of (Y/N) warnings: alcohol (reader gets drunk lmfao), jealousy, slight miscommunication, austin (aka: bartender girl from s4), special mention to special people wc: 4.9k a/n: everyone say thank you @astrophileous for beta-reading MWAH ilyvm zara <33 SPARKS FLY MASTERLIST // MAIN MASTERLIST

Although you haven’t been a part of the BAU for more than one year, it didn’t stop you from maintaining the connections that you had in all your years of working there. Sure, the scheduling times could be better, but that didn’t stop the team from spending their rare day off to spend time with you. After all, the adjustment of seeing you every day to once in a blue moon was a difficult one to make.

O’Keefe’s has been the main victim of the team’s shenanigans, its doors open for the seven members of law enforcement, all eager to get their hands on some well earned rest and relaxation. Drinks are passed around the booth and you can’t help but laugh as you watch Derek get his ‘groove thang on’ with a few girls in the bar. Today is one of the rare occasions when the team didn’t have a case, an even rarer day when the team didn’t have to take on any new or incoming cases.

“How’s life treating you?” Emily asks cheerfully, sipping at her strawberry daiquiri. You gather that tonight is one of those nights.

You smile, sipping at your own beverage of choice. “Good! Way less stressful than working at the BAU, that’s for sure. And the hours are good, too.”

JJ snorts from beside you. “Yeah, well, can’t say I’m not jealous. How’re the kids?”

“I can’t say much because of confidentiality and all that, but they’re doing well. A lot better, thank goodness but it just goes to show the aftermath of the things that you guys deal with. I mean, I still think about all the victims we’ve helped and it sucks that we can’t do anything to help them further.” You finish your tangent with a long sip of your drink before leaning back against the booth. “Anyway, how are you guys?”

Penelope comes shuffling past carrying a series of cocktails, her absolutely monstrous platform heels not aiding her in her slightly tipsy task. “Do not even get me started on work. No work! None! We’re having a fun day. Ergo, no work talk.”

You laugh in response, moving to the side to allow her room to sit in the booth. “No, Penny, you’re right. No work talk.”

The drinks are dispersed and your gaze shifts to where Spencer is standing, laughing awkwardly as he tries to follow along to Derek’s dancing and socialising. He looks incredibly out of place in his brown argyle sweater vest, navy tie and freshly pressed slacks, and he pulls at the collar of his shirt.

“Nah, Spencer could definitely be a ladies’ man if he plays his cards right. And I mean that literally,” Emily says, bringing you out of your daydream.

Your head snaps in her direction, trying to calm your facial features and microexpressions. Regardless of your attempts, after a year of not practising, you don’t do as well as you hope. “What?”

JJ grins at you, her eyes lighting up knowingly. “We’re just talking about who’s the biggest hotshot in the BAU.”

“Wouldn’t that be David?” You ask meekly, your finger swirling along the edge of your glass. You had met David Rossi on occasion, once by accident when you were having a night out with the girls and the other during a proper introduction two weeks later. “Didn’t he have, like, five wives?”

“I had three thank you very much,” Rossi intervenes swiftly, holding his glass of whisky on ice.

“Sorry, my bad,” you respond jokingly, snickering as he shakes his head and stalks over to where Hotch is sitting and drinking his rum.

Penelope lets out a loud laugh. “I think we’re forgetting the obvious: our very own Chocolate Thunder.”

“Well, fine,” Emily drawls, waving a hand dismissively, “but Spencer has that innocent vibe to him, y’know? The kind of guy women go crazy over.”

JJ clicks her fingers in remembrance. “Didn’t a bunch of prostitutes try to pick him up in that one case?”

“What?” You ask again, albeit a little shrilly as you try to dismiss the surprise in your tone.

“He didn’t take them,” Emily says quickly in an attempt to ease your discomfort. “But he did pick up a girl a few months ago. Austin?”

Penelope nods at that, putting down her cup. “Oooh, yes! I remember her. He showed me a picture. She’s pretty.”

“I mean, he did pick up Lila too.” JJ reminds the team, shooting you a sly smile. “You remember her, don’t you?”

You force out a laugh and bite the inside of your cheek in the process. “Yeah. Who’s Austin?”

“I think I still have a picture!” Penelope says, brandishing her phone from her coat pocket. She types something in before sliding it in your direction. “Pretty, right?”

Austin is certainly pretty, even in the uncoordinated selfie Penelope shows you of her and Spencer. He’s slightly out of frame, his lips set into a sweet smile while Austin practically glows. Her brilliant green eyes flash in the camera and her dark hair frames her face perfectly. She and Spencer are close in the photo, with him holding the phone clumsily and she has a hand on his arm.

“Uh huh,” you murmur distractedly, averting your gaze from the photo as an ugly feeling creeps into your chest. “Really pretty.”

Emily looks at you curiously. “You didn’t know about her?”

You shrug in response, the smile on your face insincere. “There are a lot of things I don’t know about Spencer.”

The group exchange a couple glances at your tell-tale body language, watching as you scoot past Penelope and out of the booth, making your way to the bar. You’re all too grateful for a reprieve from the teasing as you order another drink and take a seat, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. Your mind goes through all the interactions you’ve had with Spencer over the years. Were you really that foolish to think that he would feel that way for you? Maybe you were reading too much into it, you try to reason, running your fingers through your once styled hair. Maybe, in some stupid and twisted way, all of Spencer’s interactions were platonic.

You scoff inwardly to yourself. Right. Because picking someone up at two o’clock in the morning is entirely platonic. Sleeping in the same bed as someone because of nightmares is totally normal between friends. In any case, you could have sworn that he–

“Trouble in paradise?”

An unfamiliar voice nearly makes you jump out of your skin, and you turn to the man who takes a seat beside you. “Uh… something like that.”

The man hums, a smile on his handsome features. His dark brown hair is fluffy and, in its own charming little way, suits him. He reminds you a lot of Spencer, with the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles along with the timbre of his voice. He’s also very different to Spencer, especially with his sweater that has a bright orange pumpkin on it, paired with a matching orange scarf. A pair of red tinted sunglasses hang on the neckline of his sweater, and you doubt that it would do much good to block the sun.

“I’m Matthias,” he says good naturedly, beaming. “I’m with my sister, Laura,” he explains, gesturing to a lady sporting dyed auburn coloured hair, and she waves with a matching smile.

You introduce yourself, pointing to the booth. “My friends are over there.”

Matthias nods, undeterred by your company on the other side of the bar. “Let me buy you a drink.”

***

After what felt like hours of dancing (it was really only fifteen minutes), Spencer and Derek make their way to rejoin the group. The feeling of sweat matting his skin is one of many reasons as to why Spencer hates dancing. That, and the fact that there were far too many people on the dancefloor. What’s worse is the fact that he’s sure that none of them have ever heard of the word ‘deodorant’. He cringes at the thought of all the germs that could be festering on his skin as he sits at the booth, his eyes shifting to wear your bag lays haphazardly on the red cushions.

“Where is she?” He asks instantly, turning to Emily and placing your bag so that it’s in a safer and less hazardous position.

She hums, pointing in the bar’s direction. “Getting a drink. She’s just cooling off.”

“Cooling off?” Spencer echoes, his brows furrowing. “What do you mean she’s ‘cooling off’?”

Penelope offers an apologetic smile, fiddling with the buttons on her coat. “We… might have told her about Austin?”

“You what?” Spencer can barely believe his ears as he looks at the group incredulously. “Why would you do that?”

“We didn’t mean anything bad by it,” JJ says hastily. “We didn’t think she’d react like that.”

“React like what?” Spencer’s voice is strangely stern, his eyes narrowing as he turns to the rest of the team. “I don’t like Austin. She’s nice but I don’t like her.”

Derek’s brows lift in surprise and confusion. “Did you go out with her after the case?”

Spencer’s ears burn in embarrassment and he turns to his friend in offence. “I asked her for help. I don’t like Austin like that. I needed advice.”

“Advice,” Emily repeats, turning in the direction of the bar. “You mean about…?”

Spencer doesn’t stay long enough to head the rest of Emily’s sentence or to answer it, making his way over to you are. Part of him wishes that he stayed put, especially when he sees what you’re doing. In an instant, his nose is scrunched up in distaste as he spies the random stranger chatting you up. His eyes lock with yours and he relishes in the way they light up as you wave him over.

“Hi,” he breathes, standing beside you.

“Hi!” You gush, beaming at him. “Saw you on the dancefloor.”

“You’ll never see it again,” he says honestly, stealing a sip of your drink. It tastes like vodka and the strawberry lipgloss you use (he only know what it tastes like because of its very on the nose packaging: a giant strawberry. He wishes he knew for other reasons).

You laugh, bright and loud, before you gasp excitedly. “Oh, Spencer, this is Matthias! He’s been keeping me company.” Then, you lean closer to him, your voice a very exaggerated whisper as if the person you’re talking about isn’t in the seat next to you as you tell Spencer, “he’s a director.”

Matthias waves off the statement, chuckling along. “Nothing famous though.”

“He’s a liar,” you tell Spencer enthusiastically. “Did you know he went to New York University? Crazy, right? Like, the school of arts or something. Oh! And he’s also from Vegas! You two are so alike.”

Spencer nods half-heartedly as he tells you, “you know, I went to MIT and CalTech.”

“Well I know that, silly!” You say with a drunken laugh, poking at his cheek. You turn to Matthias with a proud grin before reaching for a shot. “Spencer’s a genius. He’s a super smart genius.”

“That’s what ‘genius’ means, angel,” Spencer reminds gently, prying the little cup away from you. “No more. You’re drunk and we don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Your face falls and your lips curl into a frown. “But Spencer I’m thirsty!”

“You have water in your bag,” he prompts, squeezing your shoulder and helping you off the barstool, not paying this Matthias person any mind. “Okay? Let’s go back to the others.”

You nod eagerly, stumbling a little as you wave goodbye. “Bye, Matthias!”

“Uh huh,” Spencer dismisses, leading you back to the table by the small of your back. He leans a little closer to murmur in your ear, “why did you leave the others?”

You shrug dismissively, leaning into his side. “Doesn’t matter.”

“No, angel, it does,” he says carefully, “tell me?”

You huff in your own clumsy drunken way. “You should ask Austin. Or go pick someone else up. Emily says you’re turning into a ‘ladies’ man’.”

Spencer resists the urge to roll his eyes. Of course. “I don’t like Austin,” he tells you in earnest, holding you close to his side as you stumble back to the booth. “I mean it, angel.”

“Bet you call everyone angel,” you grumble under your breath. “Bet you let everyone call you ‘Walter’ too.”

“No,” Spencer says immediately, a hand on your waist. “I only call you that. Besides, why would I let someone call me by my middle name if it isn’t you?”

You huff again, slumping in the booth as Penelope shuffles inward to give you more room. Your arms cross over your chest in annoyance and frustration and you turn away from Spencer’s direction. He doesn’t need to be a profiler to know that you’re pissed off at him. Somewhere in your hazy drunk mind, you’ve made it out as him being the bad guy.

Spencer shoots the other girls a pointed glare, gesturing at you as if to say ‘This is your fault’ because, in reality, it is. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t be mad at him. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t have gotten yourself drunk with some random guy who went to New York University. Spencer mocks Matthias in his head. Stupid Matthias and his stupidly good hair. Spencer runs a hand through his own growing locks, grimacing when he realises that it reaches his shoulders now. Maybe he should get a haircut later.

“Angel,” Spencer tries again, kneeling down next to your chair. “Let’s get you home, alright? Please don’t be mad at me?”

You mutter something incoherent, not bothering to look in his direction.

“I’m not in love with Austin,” he tells you, his tone a mix of firmness and gentleness. “Really, I’m not. We’re just friends, angel, I promise.”

“Liar,” you mutter under your breath as you get out of the booth. JJ guiltily passes you your bag and you take it out of her hands as Spencer grips your arm with one hand, the other on the small of your back.

“Not a lie,” Spencer says, walking you to his car. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this. Not after Lila.”

“Lie-la,” you say bitterly as you get into the passenger seat. “Stupid actress.”

He laughs at that, getting behind the wheel. “Yeah, angel. Stupid actress.”

“You kissed her in a pool,” you continue as you fumble drunkenly with the buckle of the seatbelt. “You don’t kiss me in the pool.”

Spencer’s cheeks burn at your words as he puts your seatbelt on, his fingers grazing yours. ��It never came up. Besides, I hate pools, you know that.”

“Germ-y,” you respond knowingly, a silly giddy smile on your face. “I know you the best.”

“Exactly,” he hums as starts the car, his words flowing smoothly as he considers how drunk you are. There’s no way you’d remember this, right? “Why would I find another girl when I have you who knows me best?”

Your cheeks glow with pride at his words and you laugh. “Exactly.”

***

It’s late. Far too late and you toss and turn in bed. Your eyes are heavy but your brain won’t shut up, swirling with the memories of the previous night. You’re not really sure what happened after you got to the bar, only remembering snippets of the night. The entire time was a blur: you remember getting upset at the girls (or rather, at the information they were feeding you), meeting someone– Mason? Matthew? You can’t even remember– and then downing three shots. It’s awfully stupid of you, yes but then somehow you got home safe and sound with a note on your kitchen counter from Spencer.

You felt a little silly upon the finding of the note. Of course Spencer would take you home; it’s not like the girls were particularly sober by the time you wanted to leave. Regardless, reading the note made you feel incredibly stupid, more stupid than usual, and you wanted nothing more than to bury yourself six feet underground.

‘Hi angel,’ it read in Spencer’s messy scrawl with chaotic lettering and swirly g’s. ‘You’re probably really hungover right now so there’s a Tylenol on the counter and a sandwich in the fridge. Please drink water; I’m sure you’re also severely dehydrated from the alcohol. I know you’re upset at me but please just forget about what the others said about Austin. I don’t like her like that. Be safe and call me when you wake up.’

The note was fine, nothing out of the ordinary, just Spencer being his usual ridiculously lovely self. You didn’t mind that he took care of you, either. It’s more-so the fact that you genuinely could barely remember what you said that him. You’re betting on it being something exceedingly dumb (you’re making a habit of it, much to your own chagrin), especially considering how much you had to drink that night. Maybe you should start abstaining from drinking from now on, especially if Spencer was in the vicinity.

The note is now pinned securely to your cork board, a pretty lavender thumb tack holding it in place. Your gaze drifts to it for a moment then to your clock and you groan into your pillow. This is dumb. Sleep is dumb. Your clock blinks with the numbers ‘02:01’ in red mocking letters and you resist the urge to scream. After blindly searching for your phone, you step out of bed while rubbing your eyes.

The lingering question keeps you up as you pace back and forth beside you bed. If Spencer doesn’t like Austin, who does he like? It can’t be Lila. You would have known if they kept in contact. Then again, you had no idea who Austin was so who knows what secrets Spencer is keeping? What if there was another girl? What if your entire friendship with Spencer was exactly that– friendship. You slap the palm of your hand to your forehead. Were you really that stupid?

It’s in that moment when your phone begins to ring. The tune plays through the room and you know it all too well; the Doctor Who theme song that you spent a whopping two dollars and thirty-seven cents on to add it as the custom ringtone for Spencer.

“Hello…?” You answer quietly, your voice choking. “Walter?”

“Angel,” he murmurs, and you can hear shuffling in the background. “Why are you still awake?”

You hum, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I could ask you the same question.”

He laughs quietly on the other side of the line, scratchy from the lack of sleep. “Can I come over?”

“Always.”

He hangs up after that and you press the pads of your fingers into the corners of your eyes again. You’re exhausted, far too exhausted to be hosting guests, but this is Spencer. How can you ever say no to him? So, instead of sulking around and spending far too long doing nothing, you fashion yourself a cup of tea and flick the lights on. The book you were reading is thrown haphazardly onto the cushions of your couch but you can’t bring yourself to pick it up.

The jiggling of the door handle brings you out of your little mood, and Spencer lets himself in with the key you gave him, locking it securely and taking his shoes off to reveal his sock choice of the day: one bright green and the other in fuchsia with buttercup yellow spots. He’s wearing a crinkly white t-shirt that hangs over his gangly frame and grey sweatpants. For something so basic, he looks absolutely criminal in it. You pinch yourself as punishment for thinking such a thing.

“Hey,” he breathes, sitting next to you. He runs his fingers through his hair, frowning a little. “Do you think I should get it cut?”

You laugh, almost spilling your tea. “You came to my apartment at two in the morning to ask what I think about your hair?”

“Yes,” he agrees before laughing, “no! Of course not. I just thought of it.”

A hum leaves your lips as you curl a strand of his hair around your finger. “I like long hair on you. Besides, you’d look good in any hair cut.”

Spencer preens at your words, enjoying the feel of your touch in his hair. “You’re a liar. I know what I looked like four years ago. Don’t lie.”

“I’m not!” You insist, beaming at him as you poke his cheek. “You were really cute back then. Like a baby.”

He flushes again at both the compliment and the contact, his mind committing the way you say ‘baby’ to memory. He thinks it again and again; baby, baby, baby.

“I was not a baby,” He tells you, half in jest. “I’m older than you!”

“By a year,” you quip, the sleep deprivation making your head go loopy. “Barely. Doesn’t matter, you’re still baby.”

Spencer scoffs lightly, poking your side. “If I’m a baby, what does that make you? A foetus? A zygote?”

You let out a quiet scream in protest, whacking him over the head with a throw pillow. “Ew, Spencer what the hell?”

He snickers in response, shielding his face with his forearm. “If I’m a baby and you’re younger than me, you must be at an earlier stage of development. So? Which is it, are you a foetus or a zygote? C’mon, angel, you passed eighth grade biology.”

“You’re an ass,” you chastise jokingly, rolling your eyes as you look up at him. Sometime amidst the commotion he must have gotten closer to you. Your noses are almost touching and your breath hitches in your throat.

He smiles sweetly, his own cheeks warm and flushed with embarrassment as he maintains eye contact. “I thought I was ‘baby’.”

What the hell? Is this really Spencer Reid? Silly, awkward, nerdy little Spencer Reid? This must be a very convincing body suit and an even more convincing voice altering machine because this is not Spencer Reid. You can feel the blood rush to your cheeks and ears so quickly that it’s enough to make you go dizzy. Maybe you’re a lot more sleep deprived than you thought.

“Are you drunk?” You croak out meekly as he cages you in, his forearms on either side of your head as he leans you against the couch.

He laughs– he has the actual audacity to laugh– and he shakes his head. “No, angel, I’m not drunk. You know I don’t drink enough to actually get drunk. Besides, I drove here.”

“You drove here,” you repeat, a little dazed from how close he is. “It’s two in the morning.”

“Almost three now but yes,” Spencer agrees, smiling.

“You hate driving,” you remind him, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Especially at night.”

He hums in agreement. “I do. But I wanted to see you.”

“Oh.”

You kick yourself internally. ‘Oh’? Who the hell says ‘Oh’? This is it. Your life is over. Maybe you should move to another state. Change your name, shave your head, and get a different degree because you’re almost certain that it’s the end of the line for you.

Spencer lets out a soft chuckle. “I missed you.”

“You saw me two days ago?” You say it like a question and you suddenly feel yourself sweating. It definitely got hotter in here.

He murmurs your name, his fingers grazing the skin of your jaw gently. “I’m so glad I met you.”

“I ran into you four years ago and almost gave myself a concussion,” you say, averting your gaze as you tried to calm yourself down.

“I’m so glad I met you,” he repeats softly, his nose brushing against your cheek. “Look at me, angel.”

You wet your bottom lip nervously as you look at him, his hazel eyes a little greener in the low light of your apartment. His legs are on either side of your hips and he brushes his thumb against your chin.

“I want to kiss you,” Spencer says lowly, albeit a little breathlessly, and you can hear hoarseness in his words. “Can I?”

You’re dead. You’re either dead or asleep, that is the only explanation you have for this entire situation. You’re either dead and in heaven or asleep and dreaming. It is that plain and simple.

“What?” You croak out, your nails digging into the skin of your thighs.

“I know you wanted to do it in a pool but I’m pretty sure your apartment gym is closed now, angel,” Spencer says, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. “Can I kiss you?”

The only thing you can manage to do is nod, your eyes flickering to his lips for a split second, watching as the corners of his mouth tug upwards. Your brain barely has any time to comprehend the words he said (since when did you say that you wanted to kiss him in the pool?) because in a rush of confidence, Spencer cups your face and presses his lips to yours in a tantalisingly slow kiss. His eyes are closed and his hands are eerily soft, the gentleness in which he holds you reminiscent of one holding porcelain.

He pulls away after a moment, his cheeks burning and a smile on his face. You can’t even breathe as you just stare at him, lips parted in surprise. What do you even say to that?

“Thank you?” You manage to stutter out, heat creeping up your neck.

He laughs again, breathless and beautiful, as he kisses the side of your face. “You’re welcome.”

Spencer brushes an eyelash from your cheek, beaming at you as he does. “It’s late,” he tells you, getting up from the couch and freeing your limbs. “You should get some rest.”

“Uh huh,” you respond, your head spinning. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he says back, trying to hold in a laugh. “I’m free next Friday. Do you want to go out?”

“Go out?” You echo, “we always go out.”

“I know.” He smiles at you again as he makes his way to the door. “I meant– you know. We can go out.”

A beat passes and your head is awfully slow, whether from the kiss or from the sleep deprivation, you’re not entirely sure. “We can go out.”

“Great.” He pauses, taking a step towards you before kissing your cheek. “I’ll text you.”

“You’ll–” you gape at him again as he opens your door to leave. “You hate texting.”

He nods, slipping on his shoes. “I also hate driving at night. Your point?”

“Right,” you murmur, more to yourself than anything. “Text me when you get home?”

“Of course I will, angel,” he promises, “get some rest.”

Get some rest? How the hell are you supposed to get some rest after all that? With one last wave, Spencer leaves your apartment, leaving you hoping that this wasn’t just some thing. Maybe this was the very first page of your story– a very embarrassing start to your story. There is one thing for certain though: Spencer is not in love with someone else.

***

It’s a Tuesday when Penelope calls you. You had just finished up with a client when your phone begins to ring.

“Penny!” You gush, unable to stop the smile from stretching onto your face. “I am stupid, I said ‘thank you’? Who the hell says thank you after someone kisses you?”

“Who kissed you?” Penelope asks, and if you weren’t so caught up in your own tangent you would have noticed that she sounded tearful.

“Spencer did!” You exclaim, slapping a hand to your forehead. “He’s sitting there and he looks amazing and he smells really good and I am stupid.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Penelope says quickly, and you can imagine her waving her fluffy pen around. “He kissed you and you said thank you?”

“Yes.”

“Well that was very polite of you,” she says, trying to sound happy before her voice cracks.

You frown immediately, taking a seat in the wheelie chair in your office. “Penny? Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“It’s about Spencer,” she says woefully, sniffling. “He wanted me to tell you something. It’s not looking good, honey, but– but he wanted me to give you a message.”

“Penny–” You stop short when you hear Spencer’s voice. It’s a recording from his phone, and you can only really tell because of the crackling audio on the other side of the line.

“Is it on?” Spencer asks before clearing his throat. He sounds breathless, his words breaking off at some parts and you know that it’s not from the bad audio quality. “Hey, angel, it’s me, Spenc– Walter. It’s your Walter. If you’re getting this then something happened and I just wanted you to know that– that I love you. I didn’t get the chance to tell you that before but I do. I love you and I wish it didn’t turn out like this but I am– I am so glad that we had that moment.”

Through the recording you can hear a shuffle, like the sound of a sliding door being opened, along with a quiet, “Prep the victim for transfer,” before the recording cuts out, leaving you with Penelope on the line.

She calls your name quietly, choking on her words. “Are you okay?”

You hang up.

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ddejavvu · 2 years ago

Note

spencer x reader where they met at the library in college and kind of became study buddies (+ lots of mutual pining), then flashforward to like s4/5 spencer and reader joins the bau :')

i'm gonna pretend spence was normal college age and not 13 <3

You spot the familiar stringy mop of brown hair before he spots you, his head downturned in a book that it doesn't look like he should be reading on government time.

"Agents," Agent Hotchner stands in front of you, a step to the left, "We have a new recruit. Agent L/N," Spencer's head shoots out of his book and around to face you at your name, his gooey brown eyes widening, "Is fresh out of her time at the academy, I've seen her reports and I'm confident she'll be an asset to this team."

Before anyone can get a polite greeting in, a kind smile or a nice to meet you, Spencer's springing out of his seat, rushing you and nearly pushing Agent Hotchner over in his overzealous attempt at a hug.

Someone cries, 'Reid!' and you're wondering if this is common occurrence, if he often bowls people over like a puppy excited to see his owner. But as he laughs wetly into your neck, tears in his eyes while he squeezes you, you're pretty sure this is special treatment.

"Spencer," You gush, grinning hard over his shoulder, "It's good to see you again!"

"You too!" He rocks you back and forth, lanky legs nearly tipping you over, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"Because it was a nice surprise," You only back away when you see the other agents staring bewilderedly at you, because no matter how kind their smiles are, you don't want to ignore them for much longer in case you come off as rude. Spencer's less willing to let go, but he settles for keeping your arm locked in his grip.

"So, you know Spencer?" A blonde woman asks, slim and pretty. She has an amused smirk on her face, and you nod sheepishly.

"We met in college," You flex your arm, squeezing him closer, "We were study buddies for a while, then he graduated early and left me."

You send a silly glare his way, but he knocks his nose into your cheek as a reply, knowing you're not really vengeful about it.

"That sounds about right," An older man nods, beard greying as he runs a hand over it, "Agent L/N, is it? I remember hearing your name a while back. You've been destined for us, I think."

"That's me," You glance briefly around at the rest of your new team, finding similarly sweet expressions on their faces, "And- and you are?"

"David Rossi," He holds out a hand that you shake with a grin.

"Derek Morgan," A tall man to the left of Agent Hotchner steps up next, followed by the blonde from earlier, "Jennifer Jareau, but most people just call me JJ."

"I'm Emily, uh- Prentiss." A dark haired woman stands beside another blonde, a sleek black pantsuit beside a rainbow-themed dress.

"Penelope Garcia," The latter grins, holding out a hand that has several bracelets tucked around her wrist, "It's nice to meet you! I didn't know Reid had friends in college."

"Or ever," Morgan chuckles, and you squeeze Spencer's hand where he's still holding yours in reassurance.

"We were quite close," You recall lazy mornings in the library, then afternoons sprawled out over the lawn munching on pretzels and fruit, "Neither of us were very social, I think we found solace in that."

"Yeah," Spencer nods, hair flying around his face. You tuck a stray strand behind his ear with a smile as he rambles, "She never asked me to go drinking every friday night."

"Then I think you both need to join us this time," Emily grins, watching fondly as Spencer groans, face-planting into your shoulder, "You can both find out what you've been missing."

You're sure she means expensive booze and scantily-clad patrons, but Spencer's face still rests on your shoulder, and you know what you've really both been missing runs deeper: each other.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid one-shot #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid headcanon #spencer reid headcanons #spencer reid hc #spencer reid hcs #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid dialogue #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader fanfiction

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daisynik7 · 1 year ago

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“Into you” by Fabolous for Connie Springer- smut + fluff

(S4 connie ofc)

Into You

I think you’re truly something special, just what my dreams are really made of

Pairing: Connie Springer x f!reader

Rating: Explicit – MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Word Count: ~2.4k

cw: super fluffy, kinda cheesy, college au, modern day au, lots of basketball terms (applies specifically to NCAA and NBA), explicit language, smut – PIV sex (cowgirl position), implied creampie

Summary: You and Connie Springer have been close since childhood, growing up as next-door neighbors and best friends. The bond the two of you share is undeniable, but you’ve never been able to admit how deep your feelings are, either to yourself or to him. You continue to support him as his friend while he pursues his career as a basketball player, trying to get drafted into the NBA. Though the journey has its ups and downs, one thing is for certain: The two of you will always have each other, forever and ever.

Author’s Notes: Hi anon! Thanks so much for requesting this song for the y2k karaoke party because it’s one of my FAVORITES! It really gives me Love & Basketball vibes, another favorite of mine that also happens to be a classic in the y2k era. This little fic is very loosely based off of that, so I hope you enjoy! Also, all the basketball/NBA tidbits are mostly from being with my boyfriend, who is a huge NBA fan, so yeah, sorry if any details are inaccurate lol. Likes, reblogs, and/or comments are always appreciated, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy! MDNI banner credit to @/cafekitsune. Header image from Pinterest (Slam Dunk manga).

“You have to pinky promise, okay?” Connie sticks his tiny finger out, wiggling it in front of your face, sucking on his cherry-flavored lollipop, lips and tongue-stained red. You’re both five years old, sitting cross-legged in the front of his yard, taking a break from playing hide-and-seek.

“What am I pinky promising?” you ask, voice squeaky and curious.

“That we’ll be best friends forever and ever! No matter what!” he exclaims, beaming at you with his eyes wide, twinkling earnestly.

You only need to think for a few seconds before you’re hooking your pinky with his, committing to this promise for the rest of your lives.

~~~

Ten years later, Connie makes it on the varsity basketball team in your high school. It’s rare for a freshman to make it to varsity at Ragako; the coaches must have seen that spark in him that you and his family have witnessed since he started playing at ten-years-old. You used to shoot around with him out in his driveway, where his father set up a little hoop. Eventually, the little one got upgraded to a real one, where the height was adjusted appropriately as Connie grew. You became his practice partner, no longer able to compete with him. Instead, you passed him the ball, watching in awe as he made shot after shot, sometimes deep from the street. He’d pick you up and spin you around, the two of you cheering together, impressed by his skills.

Year after year, he only improved. The way he handled the ball, expertly dribbling it between his legs, behind his back, one-handed, without looking. Or the way his feet gracefully shuffled along the court, the distinct squeak from his shoes echoing off the walls as you watch him on the bleachers, playing three-on-three against some of his buddies at the gym. One time, his friend Jean teases you. “You know, you should stop hanging around here or else people might think you’re his groupie.”

Before you can think of a smart comeback, Connie interjects, shoving Jean hard in the arm. “Hey! Leave her alone. I want her here. I only play like this when she’s around. And she’s not a groupie. She’s my best friend.” He wraps his arm around your shoulders, leading you towards the exit while Jean sputters apologies that go ignored. “Sorry about that,” he whispers to you. “Jean is an asshole. I want you around, got it? Forever and ever.”

You smile, leaning into him. “Forever and ever.”

~~~

It’s at the championship game during senior year that you realize that you’re in love with Connie.

Scouts have already contacted him about full-ride scholarships to university, recruiting him for their team. He’s the most celebrated point-guard in your school’s history, his average points and assists per game breaking records. Ever since he joined, your school has made it in the final round each year, last year resulting in a win, this year leading to a second.

With seconds left on the shot clock, tie game, Ragako with possession, Connie makes his move. He inbounds the ball to his teammate, quickly taking position at the right wing, his sweet spot. As quickly as it leaves his hands, the ball is passed back to him. He shoots it, and as it flies out from his fingers into the air, the buzzer rings, and he makes it. The crowd goes wild; one side of the bleachers erupting into a frenzy, jumping up and down with excitement. Connie’s parents hug each other first, then surround you in their arms, elated. You don’t expect him to celebrate the win with you, not with his entire team huddling around him, splashing water on his head, cheering his name. Not with all the cheerleaders and fans gravitating toward him, eager to be in the presence of a sure-to-be star in the making. So, it surprises you when you see him maneuver his way through the crowd, heading straight towards you. He pounces on you, giving you the biggest, sweatiest hug with tears streaming down his face. It’s a split second where the surrounding noise goes blank and it’s just the two of you there, basking in each other’s warmth. Soon, his parents join you, also crying happily, and it’s in this moment that you realize this is where you want to be: with him. Forever and ever.

~~~

It's no surprise that the two of you attend the same college together. Most people will see it as you following him, but in actuality, Connie agrees to go wherever you go. Lucky for you both, your top choice is a D1 university where he’s offered a scholarship to play for their basketball team. It works out perfectly, as if it were meant to be.

He’s busy from the get-go, practicing every day until the season starts in November. You become preoccupied with classes, and naturally, the two of you travel your different paths, meeting in the middle whenever you can. When the season official starts, you attend all his home games, cheering for him from the sidelines surrounded by the other students also chanting his name. Weeknights, he’s often too tired to hang out, retreating to his dorm room to fall asleep, only to repeat his busy schedule again the next day. He grows close with his teammates, spending most of his time with them instead of you, which is to be expected. After all, you and Connie are just friends. Sure, you’re completely and madly in love with him, but he’ll never know that. So, you watch from afar as he pursues his career without you in the way. It’s the way it has to be.

By the time spring semester rolls around, you and Connie barely see each other. You’ll still text, sometimes video chat or talk on the phone. He mostly vents to you about teammates or coaches that have gotten on his nerves that day. He’ll catch you up on the other schools they’ve defeated or the ones that they’ve lost to. Your school’s record is quite good thanks to Connie, who’s only gotten better since high school. If they continue at this rate, they will win the conference tournament, meaning a trip to March Madness, the most prestigious competition in college basketball. Most importantly, it’s one step closer to the NBA.

As expected, the team does win the conference tournament. That night, the entire campus is lively with students buzzing in school spirit, ready to party the rest of the weekend. All you think about is calling Connie to congratulate him, hear his voice and tell him that you’re so proud of him. You debate with yourself for nearly fifteen minutes, staring at his name on your screen, fingers so close to dialing his number. You decide not to go through with it, certain that he’s too busy with his team, too busy with his fans. He’s not thinking about you, not when his whole world is about to change. And you can’t blame him; you’re just friends, and this is the way it has to be.

The following night, your school organizes an impromptu homecoming for the basketball team, welcoming them as they arrive on the bus, fresh from their championship win. They have a couple days of rest before they leave for the NCAA tournament, but you’re sure they’ll be busy with press and practice until then. You’re not there to greet them when they step off the bus; instead, you’re sulking in your room, buried under the covers, feeling sorry for yourself for ever falling in love with Connie Springer. It’s a sad, pathetic sight, but at least you’re alone for the weekend to do it while your roommate is out visiting her boyfriend out of town.

You’re surprised to see Connie’s name flash on your phone a few hours later. You let it ring twice before answering. “Hello?”

“Where are you?” he asks. There’s shuffling in the background, as if he’s walking outside.

“I’m in my room.”

“I’m coming over now.” He hangs up, not giving you any time to respond. You sigh, mentally preparing yourself for what’s to come.

When you open the door to let him in, he wraps his arms around you in a snug embrace. “I missed you.” He pulls off to hold you by the arms, glaring. “Why didn’t you greet me off the bus?”

“I…” you start, unsure how to respond.

“I was looking for you and you weren’t there. Where were you?”

“I was studying in the library.” This might be the first time you’ve ever lied to him. You feel guilty and gross.

“Oh,” he says sadly, still staring at you.

“Congratulations, by the way. It was an amazing win.” You give him a weak smile, blinking away the tears welling in your eyes. You don’t even know why you’re crying; Connie did nothing wrong. You’re letting your emotions get the best of you, and you can’t help but crumble in front of the only person who knows you better than you know yourself.

“I don’t care about that right now. I care about you. What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, Connie, I promise.”

“Don’t promise me shit like that. I know you’re upset. Tell me. Please.” His eyes search yours, desperate for an answer.

You look at his feet, fixating on his shoes, scuffed on the sides from playing. Tears start to drop from your face and on the carpet. “I just…I missed you too. I miss you, Connie. I…I love you.” The confession slips from your mouth in a sniffle, and you’re so upset with yourself for letting it slide in this crucial moment. Neither of you needs the drama of your unrequited love right now. Not you, knowing he’ll be leaving again soon, and especially not him, who has bigger and better things to focus on.

He gapes at you, stuttering, “You love me?”

You nod, biting your lip.

“Like, love love? Or love like a friend?”

You’re tempted to lie, just to make it easier. But you owe it to Connie to be honest with him. “Love love.”

His mouth is open, eyes bugging out, completely shocked by your admission. Before he can respond, you add, “I’m sorry, Connie. I shouldn’t have told you this right before the tournament, but…I don’t know. It just came out. I’m sorry.”

He stammers, “You’re sorry? This is the best fucking thing I’ve heard in my entire life.” He breaks into a smile, laughing hysterically, an even more bizarre reaction.

You cross your arms, getting impatient with his ridiculous behavior, eventually grabbing his shoulders to shake him out of his fit. “Connie, what the hell?!”

He wipes his eyes, crying from giggling, beaming at you. “I’ve been in love with since we were kids. Been dreaming of hearing you say that since we were five-years-old.” He hugs you tightly, nuzzling his nose to the top of your head. “I love you and I want to be with you. Forever and ever, right?”

You nestle into his chest, inhaling the familiar scent you missed since he’s been gone. “Forever and ever.”

~~~

The two of you spend the night together, making love for the first time. His lips are soft against yours, and you smile into his kiss, remembering the day you pinky promised that you’ll be best friends forever and ever, no matter what. His lips were stained red with cherry-flavored candy, looking sickly sweet as he smiled at you. And as you kiss him now, he tastes just as sweet as you imagined he’d be after all these years.

You kiss him sloppy as you ride his lap, his cock buried deep in your pussy, filling you up to the brim. He moans your name into your mouth as he laps at the saliva collecting on your tongue, slurping your spit, swallowing it thickly. “Fuck,” he groans, hands gripped to your hips, rocking you back and forth on his thighs. “I’ve dreamed about this for so long, baby. So long.”

“Me too,” you whisper, starting to bounce on him, close to your climax.

“What would you think about? Tell me,” he demands, thumb pressed to your clit, rubbing it raw.

You whine from his touch, increasing your pace, resting your head on his shoulder. “You and me, just like this,” you huff, short of breath.

“Yeah? You thought about me deep inside you, huh? Fucking this sweet pussy until you come all over my cock, huh?” He thrusts up into you, grip tightening, fingers digging into your flesh. He’s close too, you can feel it.

You moan into his skin, sweat beading on your forehead, throwing your ass back against him in tandem with each pump of his cock. A few more strokes and the two of you come together, the mess spilling onto the sheets as soon as he pulls out.

He wipes you down with tissues and baby wipes you have handy on your bedside drawer. As soon as you’re both clean, he cradles you in his arms, spooning you from behind.

“I know this is going to sound super cheesy, but I truly feel like a winner now,” he says, kissing the nape of your neck.

You chuckle, squeezing his hand in yours. “Wait until you win March Madness. Then you’ll really be a champ.”

“Even if I lose, I’ll still have you. And that’s been my dream all this time.”

You shift your body to face him, gazing into his eyes. “I thought your dream was to make it into the NBA?”

He smiles, booping you on the nose. “It’s part of the dream, sure. But I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am now if it wasn’t for you. You kept me going all these years. Knowing you were always on my side gave me the strength I needed to get here. As long as I have you, I’ll be living the dream.” He kisses you on the forehead. “I’m going to love you for the rest of our lives.”

“Forever and ever?”

“Forever and ever.”

~~~

In an upset, your school loses in the Final Four. It’s the furthest they’ve gotten in university history, and a large part of that is due to Connie and his extraordinary performance as their point guard. His efforts do not go unnoticed; his coaches and many prospective agents have contacted him, encouraging him to apply for the NBA draft.

June of the same year, Connie Springer is drafted tenth in the first round and you’re sitting right beside him with his parents, cheering for him. Just as you have throughout all these years, and just as you will for the rest of your lives. Forever and ever.

#connie springer #connie springer smut #connie springer x reader #connie springer x you #connie springer x y/n #Connie springer fluff #connie smut #connie x reader #Connie x you #aot smut #aot fluff #attack on titan fluff #attack on titan smut #y2k karaoke party #milestone event

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annabelle--cane · 3 months ago

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Just read The Best Policy and I think it is one of the best tma fics I've ever read. Your characterisation for Jon, Daisy, Basira and Melanie (and probably Martin too but, yknow, canon-typical s4 Martin shortage and all) is spot on - i could hear them in every line and there were so many times i found myself going omg yes THIS is exactly who this character is. How do you understand them all so well??

Special shout out to

"Jon doesn’t swear out loud particularly often. He’s not against swearing, and it’s not completely unheard of for him to do so, it just doesn’t come very naturally, and, after spending most of his twenties dressing like a stock photo academic and cultivating an air of “no nonsense allowed,” people are given to get a bit over surprised if he ever tests out some four letter words. Jon doesn’t like being treated like a curiosity, so, much like how he sometimes tacks on a decade to his age to avoid the usual incredulous questions and giggling, he keeps swearing out loud around others to a minimum.

"However, the last thought he has every time he’s about to make a decision is always fuck it.

"For example: I’m tired, I’m annoyed, no one’s going to stop me or be near enough to be at risk, and I am so hungry. Fuck it."

Basically - thank you for writing it!! It was very good!!

this was very nice to find in my inbox, thank you ;-;

#tma #answered #anons

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thefreakandthehair · 1 year ago

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@eddiemonth prompt, oct 6th: Crush | You Could Start A Cult - Niall Horan | Sincere a/n: steddie, pining, post-s4. un-betaed because I’m challenging myself to write these in under an hour. read on ao3 | link to masterpost on ao3

A crush is called a crush for a reason, and Eddie Munson is learning this lesson the hard way.

The very hard way.

The Jesus Christ, all he did was laugh at my stupid joke and I’m going to collapse in on myself like a dying star kind of way.

It’s been nearly a year of this and Eddie feels like he’s being squashed beneath the weight of the giant boulder that is his crush on Steve Harrington. A solid year of his hopeless, pointless, wonderful crush on Steve Harrington.

Everyone knows– well, everyone above the age of 16 has figured it out at least. Eddie isn’t exactly known for his subtlety, after all.

Jeff, Gareth, and Freak had their reservations at the start after years of being persecuted by the same genre of person Steve had been in high school but once Eddie spun them the tale of how Steve carried out from beneath the rubble of a collapsed building, they’d come around. Jeff took the longest, finally acquiescing after properly meeting Steve.

You were always into jocks, dude, c’mon. Sounds like this one might have some redeemable qualities at least.

He couldn’t quite tell them the actual truth, but it’s truth-adjacent and does the job. It paints Steve as the hero Eddie knows him to be, whether Steve wants to acknowledge the title or not.

Robin knew before they’d even gone back into the Upside Down, before Eddie nearly died in Dustin’s arms and then again, in Steve’s.

I was there when you called him Big Boy, Munson. You’re not subtle. He’s just oblivious.

Nancy figured it out when Eddie was in the hospital, still a little loopy from painkillers and who knows what else.

You were on another planet and couldn’t stop talking about his chest hair, Eddie.

Argyle knew on sight the first time he saw Eddie with Steve. It was a little spooky, actually, how on the nose he was about two people he barely knew but on the nose, he was.

You’re the only one callin’ him Stevie, brochacho. And he’s the only one calling you Ed so… take that for what it’s worth.

Jonathan knew because Argyle knew and Jonathan and Argyle seem to have something there, too, but that’s none of Eddie’s business. All of the unrequited love bandwidth he has is tied up in Steve, and his smile, and his way with the kids, and his cologne–

“You got something on your face.”

Robin nudges him in the side behind the kitchen counter where he’s been leaning, watching helplessly through the kitchen window as Steve grills another round of burgers going for their We Lived And Can’t Tell The Tale Because We All Signed NDAs party starting soon.

Eddie wipes his face frantically, hoping he didn’t have ketchup or something on his cheek from Steve’s trial run of the burgers. He pulls his hand back to find nothing besides Robin grinning, bemused and pitying all the same when it clicks.

“I’m not actually drooling. Just… metaphorically. God, let me cling to some shred of dignity here.”

Steve flips another burger, this one landing square right-side-up. Eddie groans, Robin rolls her eyes, and he laments.

“What the fuck is wrong with me that that’s so hot? He’s not doing anything special! He’s just existing in those too-tight jeans and plain tee shirt and I’m ready to lay waste to the evils of the world to get to him. And they say I’m the cult leader? I’d follow this asshole into the bowels of Hell.” Eddie sighs and drops his head back to stare at the ceiling.

It’s offensive, honestly, the popcorn ceiling and the way it mocks him.

“I mean, you kinda already did.” Robin shrugs and bumps her shoulder into his, somehow softer than her initial nudge. “And look, it’s not my business, but I think you might be surprised if you talked to him. He’s not the same he was when he said all that shit to Jonathan, y’know.”

Eddie whips to the side, too quickly as his head spins for a brief moment. He searches her eyes for hints or a glimmer of hope. Something. Anything.

“What do you know, Buckley?” It’s less a question and more a statement.

“I don’t know a damn thing, other than a conversation might do you both some good. But look,” Robin sighs and hops up to sit on the island next to Eddie as he turns his attention back to Steve manning the grill. He’s trying not to stare at the way Steve twirls the spatula… and failing, of course. How are his hands so big?

“Hello? Munson, Earth to heart-eyes over there. This is information you might really want to listen to.” Robin waves a hand in front of his face and he jolts out of his thoughts. It’s for the best– the second he gets lost in Steve’s hands, it’s all over for him.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m listening.” Eddie responds, vaguely reminded of his many years in school.

“I was saying, Steve’s a good guy. The best guy, really. And I know he’s acted fine with being single the last year or so, but he’s lonely behind that facade. So if this is just like, a crush that’s gonna pass, keep it to yourself. But if you really like him, if you wanna like, be with him, then yeah. I think you might want to talk to him.”

Eddie considers his feelings for a long moment, staring back out the window. This time, he watches Steve at the grill and sees so much more than a guy in too-tight jeans and a plain tee shirt flipping burgers. He sees jumping into the lake, rushing through the Upside Down, finding a quiet moment in the chaos traipsing through the Upside Down’s version of the woods. He sees what little he remembers of bleeding out and being carried by Steve through the portal, of waking up in the hospital, handcuffed to the bed and Steve sitting in the corner with Wayne. He sees every fleeting moment, every soft touch, every nickname and split joint and pizza with half pepperoni and half bacon.

He looks out the window at Steve and sees his life.

Maybe the weight of his crush has only felt so heavy in the way that holding your arms out for too long begins to feel heavy. Maybe the forced, sustained tension would be relieved if he just let himself relax.

“I’m with him already, for better or worse.”

Robin hums in acknowledgement before breaking into laughter as they both watch Steve transfer the burgers to a plate, only to accidentally knock the dish off the side of the grill. He must hear their laughter because his eyes shoot directly to the window and he points the spatula at them, free hand on his hip. “It’s not fucking funny, now I have to go to the store!”

“It’ll probably be for the worse.” Robin looks at him and raises an eyebrow.

Eddie just laughs and shakes his head, tendrils of hair falling into his face that he pulls further across his mouth.

“Worth it.”

#steddie #steddie fic #steddie fanfic #steddie fanfiction #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie munson x steve harrington #steve harrington #eddie munson #eddie month #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #st fic #myblurbs #eddie month prompts

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yourslaveandenemyandlover · 2 months ago

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ᯓ 𝑚𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡,

Yesterday I was watching Bones, S4: E17.

In that episode there’s was a moment of Arastoo giving Angela a cathartic mixtape he made for her. Two of the six songs on that cd were ‘heartbeats, and ‘fade into you’.

That scene reassured me on the idea that Bones is a custom TV show God (/the universe) made especially for me.

I can’t justify the bond I have with Bones, I just honestly love all the characters individually, and relate to every single one of them in the characteristics that make them differ from each other.

Booth is the loyalty, responsibility, and commitment I hope to find in the world. He’s the guy you can say ‘He would never do that’ and be certain about it. He’s security: stable as earth, a father, a partner, a man on what a man should be;

Brennan is a reminder that being weird and awkward can also be about being special, unique, and valuable. That you can be socially unfit, and still treasured by those who can really see you;

Angela is the perfect personification of what a confident woman should be, a woman that never learned insecurities, that feels entitled to her space, and knows how to read people without any ego;

Cam is everything an empowered woman should be, she has posture, demands respect, and presents herself as authority, without arrogance; she perceives herself we’ll enough to be comfortable with how she’s perceived by others;

Sweets is human, emphatic, loving, soft, and kind. He’s all of that, and also a brilliant young doctor. His sharp perception of people is never a weapon against people, is always an offer of improvement he keeps in his pocket;

Hodgins is a passionate conspiracy nut. Passionate. Hodgins lives his life a hundred percent in, cause he loves his job, he worships his wife, he’s devoted to his pears. He gives himself off completely to everything he committees to, his constancy is something you can rely on.

Arastoo is beautiful as an Arabic poem, he’s religion as religion should be. He presents such and honest and uncorrupted faith that made me understand faith as love.

I once saw a tiktok that claimed bones as the greatest autistic representation on TV, and I fully stand behind that.

Bones entered my life 10 years prior to my autism diagnosis, and now looking back with the lens I was given, our relationship makes so much sense.

Brennan, Hodgins, Sweets, Zach, Vincent, they’re all unintentionally beautiful representations of what autistic people really are. I don’t believe the writers intended on that but they nailed it.

Moreover, Bones is also a great tv show for autists cause of how well they work on characters development. We’re constantly working towards understanding people, and we can understand that team:

Booth’s loyalty makes sense to me;

Brennan’s inadequacy makes sense to me;

Hodgins special interests makes sense to me;

Angela’s self-assurance makes sense to me;

Camille’s humanity makes sense to me;

Sweets kindness makes sense to me;

Arastoo’s love makes sense to me.

These characters, they taught me about people, about what people should be; They presented to my autistic ass that was always trying to understand people, people I could understand, and admire, and love.

The show strikes me as one of those things that are supposed to exist, that happens cause the only possibility is they happening. It may not have a huge social significance but it’s important, for me, maybe to a couple other people, but it’s important, it should exist,

Anyways, I just wanted to share that, the way I related to something before I had the mechanisms to understand why, and how much something silly can mean.

Hope I’m making sense,

𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠, 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑦, 𝐶𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑎 ᡣ𐭩ᝰ.ᐟ

26•09•2024

#journal #diary #letters #bones tv #autism

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raayllum · 11 months ago

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Mirrored Paths Trilogy #2: In the Name of Love, I Would Do Anything For You —Callum & Viren

Part 2 of a mini meta trilogy dissecting Callum, Karim, and Viren's parallels, with a special emphasis on S5. For the general overview, and if you want to read Karim and Viren's parallels, you can read that analysis here. It is useful to read but not necessary in order to understand this one, as this meta is Part 2 and will discuss Callum and Viren.

Now, I've talked a lot about Viren and Callum. Like, a Lot a lot. Therefore, I'm not going to repeat too much of their Arc 1 buildup here, and focus more loosely on their S5 parallels in particular. However:

If you're interested in their pre-season 4 buildup, check out these metas: How Callum and Viren have parallel arcs in S2, Relics, Rage, and Magic: The Callum-Viren Foils Meta, the foils screencap compilation post I've been cultivating since Nov 2019 pre S3 (updated to include past that point)

If you're interested in post-S4 thoughts, check out these metas: The Interlocking of the Cycle’s Wheel with Viren, Claudia, Callum, and Rayla, How Viren and Callum stack up flaws wise, I sure do love foils that switch, How Callum's morality differs from Ezran and Rayla's (and always has)

If you're interested in post-S5 thoughts, check out these metas: What did Viren and what does Callum want?, How Callum and Viren sacrifice (written post-S4 but updated with S5 screencaps), Why ramp up the foiling?

Now I'm not gonna expect you to read all that because 1) I'm aware I have a problem, 2) it'd be time consuming as hell, and 3) I'm going to summarize the most important takeaways for you to understand the foundation this next section of meta is built on. (None of it is complicated, mind you, but just to make it clear where I'm coming from.) If you have read all those metas, or even made it this far on this one, thank you for enabling me reading and I hope you('ve) enjoy(ed).

Now for the key takeaways:

S5 went basically exactly where I've thought Callum would go since S1/S2 and Viren since S3 re: Viren giving up dark magic and having an atonement arc/breaking away from Aaravos, whereas Callum — in order to free and save someone he loves, specifically Rayla — chooses to chain himself further to Aaravos

Although still very different, Callum and Viren are worryingly, exceedingly similar in many ways, largely in their agreement that dark magic can be a useful last resort and in their devotion to their loved ones (aka "in the name of love" + the "I would do anything [for my family/loved ones]" parallel

Where Viren is willing to put certain things (the kingdom, his own quest for power, humanity) above his family (and wrongfully so), Callum is not. He says he would do anything, and means it (thank you post-s2 me, you were the realest bitch)

Rayla and Aaravos are foils, particularly in their dynamics with Callum and Viren respectively. They are both banished, exiled elves who were seen as being/are too sympathetic towards humans, they mentor high mages of Katolis, hunt each other's high mages, and S6 will put Rayla and Aaravos vying for Callum's destiny (control) to the test as his two paths (although choosing Rayla over Aaravos may not be mutually exclusive, but that's another post). Rayla killing Viren unintentionally put him on a path to stray from Aaravos, whereas Callum saving her / their relationship is what has consistently putting him on a path towards Aaravos

Now, S2 and S4 definitely have more parallels between them structurally for our two high mages. S2 is linked above, so I'll focus on S4: asking to die but being refused by Claudia and Rayla respectively; being reunited with someone they love after two years; Callum attempting to shut down his feelings in Rayla's absence / upon her return much the way Viren did in his time as high mage; the mirror and general framing, particularly in 4x01; sharing a (re-)birthday; their impatience in 4x02, which is also a parallel with Karim; the pawn intros; Rayla interrupting Callum's investigation of the mirror while Viren likewise attempts to diverge paths; picking up what they'd been refusing to all season in 4x09 within seconds of each other, and similar framing to boot, since dark magic led to Viren's destruction, and Rayla will possibly (unintentionally) lead to Callum's:

Let's get into it: S5

Now, S5 is less obvious in some ways. The one big framing parallel they get, beat for beat, is Callum going to investigate Aaravos in the library, placing his book on the same table, being interrupted by the librarian (which is honestly more of a running gag than something tangible), the script being magically washed away, etc.

Therefore, with all of the above out of the way, we have three main things to consider:

1) Their dark magic dreams from 2x06 and 5x03 respectively, in which they face mirrored reflections of each other

I wrote after S2 that I thought Callum refusing his dark counterpart in 2x08 was ultimately going to end up being more about actively being a dark mage than doing dark magic ever again, mostly because — while we didn't know if the show would ever put him in said position — I always figured Callum would do dark magic again in well, about the exact circumstances canon forced him into in 5x08. (And it was extremely satisfying, lemme tell you.) Viren giving up dark magic was more surprising, but they've always been switching foils, so the exchange makes perfect sense on that level.

I talked really briefly about some of the similarities between their dreams, but I wanted to touch on some here as well:

Their choices are both framed around objects of Aaravos. For Callum, it's a key he initially rejects. For Viren, it's the mirror, but instead of connecting to and looking to Aaravos to help him, he looks to and accepts himself.

Viren has to reach forward and connect with himself, whereas Callum pulls away from his mirror self

Viren's dreams are about dismantling his justifications (or the why) behind what he did, whereas Callum's skip over his justifications and instead focus on what he did. Both of these accordingly inform their identity

Viren is saved from literal drowning upon waking up, Callum is saved from a more metaphorical kind

Freedom is the cornerstone of both reflective scenes. Viren and Callum both leave their initial dreams being free (or freer than before). While this holds true for Viren until the current end of his arc (5x09), Callum in 5x08 is handed a sharp reminder that freedom is no guarantee, and how that may continue

The path metaphor that was running loosely throughout their arcs ("I am offering you a path forward [with dark magic] / Callum's tendency towards shortcuts / "I'm afraid, Rayla. What if I'm on a path of darkness?") is now being brought to the forefront here through Viren both being made actively aware of his choices per path ("Because I have followed a dark path") and him deciding to get off of it in 5x09.

2) Both being driven to desperation and resolve to try and save someone they love (Claudia, Rayla)

I figured that, per Viren getting an atonement arc at all, that what would make the most sense is S5 forcing Viren and Callum to confront their moral horizon lines about what they were, or were not willing to do, in order to save Claudia and Rayla pre-S5. For the S4 reasoning behind that, I'll recommend one of the metas linked above regarding those four and the Interlocking of the Cycle's Wheel. I was very pleased to see a decent chunk of it come to fruition. I figured Callum would be able to save Rayla at a steep cost, and Viren would be unable to successfully save Claudia (cause consequences have to catch up to you sooner rather than later, and they tend to catch Viren first and Callum second).

This is, of course, perhaps most exemplified by the show chipping away to the core of dark magic, which is what are you willing to do to save the people you love, even against their will, and that Callum has every good reason to be worried, accordingly, about a very exploitable part of himself.

Which we'll talk about more when we get to:

3) Viren revoking dark magic and Aaravos, whereas Callum does dark magic again and worries he's further tethered himself to Aaravos

In season 5 in a lot of ways, Viren comes to fully understand and accept Harrow's rebuttal to dark magic in 1x02, which was, "We may not pay now, but we will pay the blood price eventually! What do you think got us here? Dark magic!" The blood price went from Sarai's unintentional death, to Thunder's purposeful one, to Zym's false one, to Harrow's 'real' (?) one, and so and so forth.

Viren tried to ignore the sunk cost fallacy by believing it was already too late to turn everything around, and that doubling down to skirt consequences would continually work... until it didn't, and he had to accept the only person writing his fate was himself: "Every step forward is a choice," and thereby another chance to do the right thing, or make better choices, under the circumstances you have — to at least try.

This parallel, then, between Viren doing what he can to set himself free vs Callum chaining himself further to Aaravos is, in a lot of ways, both the most dreadful and happiest potential parallel and contrast between on a few different levels. Let me explain:

S6 as the Fall, S7 as the Rise

I talked about this pre-S5, citing it as a reason I believed Viren and Callum were ultimately switching rather than solely contrasting foils — re: Viren getting better in S5, and Callum getting worse in S5/S6 — simply due to the fact that given that S6 will be TDP's 11th hour, things might be going okay for the antagonist crowd, but the protagonist side of things, particularly Callum, will need to be hitting rock bottom.

Thus, it seemed pretty obvious from a structural standpoint, as well as Stars (and destiny by extension) having an association with Aaravos that S6 would involve Callum playing his part in Aaravos' plans, with S7 being the reclamation of his agency and therefore defeat of his narrative Rival for well, narrative control. S6 being Callum's fall, S7 being his rise — stronger than before, and freer and more magically in tune than ever.

Prior to S5, it was typically accepted (by myself included) that while purposefully very similar to one another in both framing and personality, that mirroring would eventually shed, and, come S7 Viren would ultimately provide a contrast to Callum, with Callum breaking away from Aaravos in ways Viren was never able to, and this would be the Big Defining Difference between them in terms of like, narrative cohesion and plot. (Emotionally, the biggest difference has always, arguably, been that Viren is more world focused — to his detriment in arc 1 in particular — than focused on his loved ones, whereas Callum is deeply and sometimes dangerously devoted to the people he loves.)

However, S5 makes that previous contrast prediction untrue, because Viren does break away from Aaravos (in fact, just an episode decidedly before Callum seems — metaphorically at least — to take a step towards him). Therefore rather than just being a contrast, Viren is meant to be a true mirror in equal measure, simply because by virtue of letting Viren break away from Aaravos' control, when Callum eventually does so, he will likewise — once again — be following in Viren's footsteps, just in a positive way rather than a 'negative' way like before. If Viren was meant to solely be a contrast — as has been theorized previously — than Callum staying under Aaravos' control would actually be the provided ending. Of course the show isn't doing that for Very Obvious Reasons, but I think it's worth noting that now, in order for Callum to have a happy ending at all, he has to follow in Viren's footsteps — all of them. Rather than being one of solely warning and foreboding, Viren's narrative has turned into one of hope for Callum, too.

V: I am free, and so are you.

But in order to talk about salvation, we have to first talk about destruction, namely:

Dark Magic and Death

Dark magic and death have long been associated with each other in series. Dark magic requires killing or consuming a magical creature — elf, dragon, or otherwise — to be used/harvested for power. It affects the souls of those being used as spell parts (Through the Moon) and you can use any part of the body within reason, even their ashes upon cremation (1x03, 2x09), or their final breath (against their wishes in 3x06). Hell, dark magic makes you smell like death (3x01), turns you into a more corpselike appearance, and season two novelization just furthers this association outright during the passages of Callum's dark magic visions/dream:

Callum turned the cube frantically to see which primal was glowing. How could any of the primals glow in this dark place? Something about this cube tied his stomach in knots. It wasn’t natural. A vision flickered in front of his face. Dozens of dead animals in a field. A dead butterfly. A dead deer. A dead unicorn. Cackling laughter. He chucked the cube away from him with all his might. The glowing rune was dark magic. It represented death.

Thereby in 2x08 itself, the rejection dark magic symbolized by the cube is pretty simple. Callum rejects being a dark mage as his primary magic use, he rejects the 'easier' road, he still believes he can possibly access primal magic, and in doing so, he rejects death. He won't become a dark mage, he won't seek out his death or others in order to have control/power, and he won't become a corpselike figure.

But a couple seasons later, we see S4 and S5 reverse and complicate that in 1) having him, literally, seek his own and Aaravos' deaths in order to feel in control/have power, and therefore 2) perfectly foreshadowing his eventual dark magic use/relapse, for lack of a better word. Just as the show leans farther away from "dark magic is easy" (and it is, in some ways, emotionally easier to deal with consequences when you can change them) and more into "dark magic will destroy you — your identity and your body — if you keep using it".

S5, likewise, also starts to break down the negative associations of dark magic being linked to death, and indeed the negative associations with death itself. For most characters in the series, death is solely a tragedy, but for Harrow and Viren of themselves, staring their own deaths in the face — and choosing to die — instead became a vehicle for repentance, change, and subsequent self-actualization.

Death, for Harrow, and more importantly for the sake of this meta, is not just doom and gloom, but a choice and therefore a culmination as well as a chance for transformation. Just as Viren's death in 3x09 allowed him to be re-born with clear eyes (a literal Re-Birthday, if you will), him choosing this next death shows the full scope of his character arc. Previously, he died because he was chasing all the things he didn't have with Aaravos' aid, and by 5x09, he's rejecting Aaravos' help and dying alone in the woods with nothing, yet it feels like a tragic sort of victory all the same.

We also see a more complicated view of dark magic alongside ideas of self-actualization. Previously, dark magic was seen as something that would make you routinely lose yourself (Viren, Claudia) until you had by and large become the worst version of yourself. S5 complicates this a bit more by connecting Callum doing dark magic to his ability to access the Ocean arcanum, as he remembers/mimics the motion of crushing the slug before connection (and parallels Viren's 5x03 hand symbolism to boot):

Whereas Viren unmakes his choice to take on Aaravos' deal in 2x07, Callum unmakes his choice to refuse to do dark magic when it means saving his loved ones. As he states:

To love is simply to know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep... You don't control anything. But you already knew that, didn't you? Because it's the secret of the Ocean itself. The arcanum. The Ocean arcanum is about accepting depths you can't see, parts of yourself you can't understand, and things you can't control.

Callum fears not having control, and therefore fears his part of himself, where he is now more aware than ever of just how far he'll go for his loved ones, and how exploitable that is, thanks to Finnegrin. And it's not as though dark magic has lost its death associations, merely that those death associations have likewise been transformed. This is particularly evident if you line up 5x08 as the end of Callum's S5 arc (which it is; while 5x09 is fun, it doesn't further any of the main trio's emotional arcs except Rayla, and even that is decently minor)

If dark magic is still linked to death, then both Viren and Callum choose to step towards their own deaths in the end of their respective arcs, just with different meanings and arc placements. If we take Viren's step further that real death vs dark magic death are two different things, then we still have Callum stepping towards his own dark magic death to prevent someone else's (the same way Rayla is spared) even if that means throwing potentially 3+ innocent people and Domina Profundis under the bus in 5x08. But more on that here.

For now, let me break it down more simply:

In 4x09, Callum and Viren both pick up the symbol of something they've been trying to ignore / pass off to others all season. Viren has avoided his staff and left it for Claudia to wield, much the same way Callum passed Rayla off to Ezran and Soren in the previous episodes. Viren refuses to leave the staff behind. Meanwhile, Callum picks up and finally starts fully acknowledging the loss and love he feels regarding Rayla, who he let go on without him. The staff is symbolic of Viren's relationship to Aaravos as well, and it's what ultimately dooms him. Rayla's sword, although quickly discarded so he can help the actual Moonshadow elf, is also a symbol to Callum in the scene that he loves/is still mourning his friend/partner.

In 5x08 and 5x09, Callum and Viren are both goaded by a vengeful elf seeking freedom into doing dark magic to create a secure future for each mage. The elf wants to use them as further vessels for their own freedom/revenge scheme. Viren refuses to do dark magic and instead chooses death, reaching self-actualization. He does this mostly motivated by his own regret and love for Claudia. He refuses to sacrifice Sir Sparklepuff to save his own life and breaks away from Aaravos. Callum demonstrates a willingness to sacrifice others in order to save Rayla, in addition to resorting to dark magic in order to save her. He refuses to sacrifice her to save/keep his own soul free from Aaravos' clutches, even if that means possibly walking steadily closer to his own death. Likewise, this allows him to reach a new stage of self-actualization, but at a steep emotional cost.

Where Viren's ending is tragic but victorious, Callum's season ending is victorious but tragic. But like I said earlier, Viren's story in S5 offers plenty of hope to Callum's future storyline, namely exploring how

Love Can Destroy and Save You

Now, anyone who's been following me for a while knows I love a good "this thing can save and destroy you" and that I have been really fucking excited for S4 taking that undercurrent in arc 1 and bringing it up to the forefront, with a big hitch to Rayllum as a sweet lovely, devastating bonus.

“Wow. So they look identical but they might kill you or they might save you,” Callum said. “Exactly. Just like me…” Rayla smiled.

—Book One: Moon novelization + Callum and Rayla being routinely determined to save each other, even if that means immense danger and harm to themselves (Callum's love for her made him leap off the mountain to save her, and his love for her allowed him to grow wings and save both of them).

This has always been a theme in the show and particularly within their dynamic — "Alright, enough almost killing me" in 1x05 with the lightning spell, only for Callum to save Rayla's life with the exact same spell by the episode's end — most prominently brought to the forefront in 4x07 with their whole "I need you to kill me" "I'm afraid I'll hurt people I care about" [cuts right to Rayla] conversation. If you're interested in more Rayllum thoughts on this, I would recommend my original meta on the subject (pre-S4) and my post-S4 followup.

We even see this theme of the same thing — in this case, Callum's love for Rayla and commitment to saving her — play out as a perfect microcosm in 5x08. As previously mentioned, Callum does dark magic again (a failure in his own mind) and unlocks the ocean arcanum (a victory) precisely because of what he was willing to do out of love, both of these things being good and bad. The dark magic use is bad because it makes him more vulnerable to Aaravos and reaffirms how he'll bend morals he otherwise wouldn't and is upset over it, and it's a good action because it lets him save Rayla. Unlocking the Ocean arcanum is a good thing, because it symbolizes a deeper understanding of himself — good ol' self-actualization — and more useful, magical prowess, but it's also a bad thing because he's upset by this realization of himself to the point of not even really being excited by it.

He would do anything for her, he's realized now that love doesn't necessarily always make him stronger, that this is exploitable, and it scares him. It really does.

Because Rayla saves him and destroys him. And in S5, fortunately, Viren's children do the same for him.

Even though saving Soren is what seemed to truly begin Viren's descent in earnest...

the harm his path has inflicted on Claudia is one of his motivations to finally stepping off of it.

Ezran himself acknowledges the way love interplays with the Cycle in the thematic turning point of the arc, and the series in many ways, back in 4x03 — that love is not in opposition to the Cycle, but indeed one of its many cogs, and the choice lies in how we choose to let that love manifest:

I had a speech planned for today. It was about peace and love and hope. But I think I left something out. [...] We all want peace and we all want love. But violence tests us. In a twisted way, it converts us to its cause. Because pain and loss feel so terrible inside, you want to hate. You want to hurt someone else. So what do we do? How can we stop this cycle? [...] We have to acknowledge the weight of the pain and loss, but open up our eyes and allow ourselves to hope and maybe forgive and love again. We have to give today’s children a chance to inherit a future filled with peace. To give them that, we have to hold pain and love in our hearts at the same time.

If Callum does destroy himself / risk the world for love in S6 (perhaps taking a risk he knows may lead to being possessed, or releasing Aaravos to spare Ezran or Rayla from an immediate death) then love, it seems, is also posed to be what accordingly breaks him out of the possession and brings him back to himself, the same way it allowed Viren to deviate from his previously chosen/enforced path. Reconciling dualities rather than enforcing strict binaries is one of the main things S4 was concerned with, after all ("Just have two cakes!").

All of this, for Callum, ties back into:

His dynamic with Rayla and all its variances (the light to his dark / pain and love / literally freeing himself while metaphorically chaining himself in order to save her / his love for her being his strentth and weakness / "Now you're back. That's kind of good, and it's kind of bad").

His connection to the Key ("I have a feeling that cube thing could help me" to "It's the Key of Aaravos, Callum. No good will come of it!")

Light and dark being both good and bad, and Aaravos heavily representing that trade off ("In darkness, gaze upon a fallen star [...] already tainted by darkness" + the cube flashing a bright glowing white before Aaravos picks him up as a pawn).

The fall (becoming Aaravos' prey / playing into Aaravos' hands) in s6 and a rise in S7 (breaking free by defeating Aaravos)

If dark magic is death, and Aaravos is likewise death / worse than death ("if he takes control of me again, you have to kill me")... death, like for Viren in 3x09, can be Transformation for Callum in 6x09. He just has to 'die' (metaphorically) — to fall, to fail, to succumb to his predecessor's negative footsteps — in order to rise, fly, and follow in his predecessor's positive footsteps while also carving out another new path for himself.

Because Love is salvation just as much as it is destruction, and the story will always hold true to those things.

Other Parallels

Although there aren't as many prominent framing parallels in S5 as there were in S4 — the mirror, on the battlements with Soren, sitting on the Storm Spire, picking up the staff and sword, etc etc — (beyond the hand clasps as symbolic chains my beloved), the most obvious one is from 5x01 in which Callum goes to the library to research Aaravos just like the high mage before him, down to the portrait over the table they place the tome on.

Then there is also framing that furthers the connections they share between Callum-Viren and Claudia-Rayla, diving after someone you're desperate to save (and often from drowning, to boot). Hand outstretched one pictured above, so here's another:

There are also the Aaravos-Magma Titan Callum-Viren parallels that others have pointed out, with Ezran standing in for Sarai:

Given that 4x01 begins and 5x09 ends the arc of Viren's 30 days, and by and large binds S4 and S5 together as 1 arc of sorts (with S6 and S7 being the final arc), it tickles me particularly pink that it opens, in many ways, and then literally closes accordingly with Callum and Viren staring at the moon:

Misc:

In between writing the first meta and the second one, I got loose 'confirmation' that I'm on the right path with my deductions (even if, of course, 'personal path' can mean many things, but I still think it's cool!) from Aaron Ehasz on twitter. Cool beans

I also think it's fun that Viren tries to save Claudia from a 'symbolic' death in the ocean ("Stop! That wave, it will swallow you up!") and Callum saves Rayla from a more literal one of being devoured by a sea leviathan.

Conclusion

First off, if you read All of That, thank you and I hope you enjoyed it. I've been itching to talk about these two and how S5 both built on the parallels they already had, pushed some to the forefront in overt ways ("I would do anything" and 5x08 on Callum's end was beyond validating in every way), in addition to setting up more to come, both good and bad.

I may return to S5 in this manner to touch more on other parallel relationships in the future, such as Viren-Rayla in S5, Callum-Claudia, and Claudia-Rayla, but for now the next proposed foil meta is looking at a dynamic I have not talked much about in Callum and Karim. This will conclude this little 'trilogy' of metas, and I hope you stick around for it, cause it's going to be very interesting.

Callum and Viren have always been my favourite foils relationship in the show, and I hope this meta did a good job of demonstrating why. Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next one!

—Dragons out

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henry-fox-biggest-stan · 3 months ago

Text

Please bear with me this is a bit long and, quoting nance, a shot in the dark.

Portals and sexuality: what do they have to say?

This post is inspired by @givehimthemedicine's portals & vaginal imagery: Nancy as El's foil and csa in Hawkins Lab analysis, definitely read that before this

Basically it talks about the portals as vagina symbolism (which is not a new theory) and what exactly does this mean, specially for Nancy and El's characters. Now, portals exist as a way to get to the upside down, however one thing can mean several things in media, which makes it fun.

When reading their post I thought perhaps portals symbolising vaginas were a Nancy thing, a Nancy thing than has been conveniently used to hint/symbolise some things for El as well.

I mean, Nancy is the only character who's sex life is plot relevant and important. We have a whole scene of her losing her virginity, of barb dying during it and Nancy being traumatised, of the cops asking her about it and her angrily confessing it to her mom, her being called a slut, her sleeping with Jonathan in s2... No character's sex life has been such in the front, but that's cause hers is relevant to the plot.

And since part of the analysis focused on her, I just thought it was a nancy thing. Until they talked about Steve + robin (+ eddie) going through the gates in S4. Steve I could get, since he was also once involved in Nancy's sex life, in an important moment as well (her first ever sexual experience with a partner, and barbs death), just like they also talk about Jonathan and vaginal symbolism in the portals, related to nance. But robin? What does she have to do with it?

They wrote: "a lesbian and self-professing nonbeliever in a higher power, exclaims "oh, thank God! that was fun!" upon passing through. I'll just. ok. / she never looked afraid, but she did have a little trepidation in being the first to climb through, saying "guess I'm the guinea pig". interesting line to give to Robin, who could also be called a guinea pig in the sense of figuring out how to date girls in a conservative small town."

And I thought huh maybe the portals can show Nancy's (and El's) relationship with their sexuality and characters’ sexual attraction towards women (or, if they are women and attracted to men, their own relationships with their sexuality / puberty etc)

And then I thought: funny to think mike is the only character to not have went through one to go to the upside down, even tho he's super principal and has known about the supernatural plot far longer than robin or eddie.

But like, what if.

Before I start,

I focus a bit more on the gate at Eddie’s trailer because I feel like it’s one of the most obvious examples of vaginal imagery. I mean, when the teens find the gate while in the upside down, the gate is closed by some kind of membrane (reminding me of the way El sees the gate at the beginning of s2).

(The gate in Eddie’s trailer as seen by Nancy, Steve, Eddie, and Robin while in the upside down vs the gate in the school as seen by El while in the upside down)

To open the gate / the membrane, they have to poke the gate with a stick until they break it. Um, yeah.

And when the kids (Dustin, Lucas, Max, Erica) opened the gate with the stick, the first to approach and the only ones the camera pans to show the reaction of, are Nancy and Steve. Nancy and Steve who slept together in s1, Nancy who lost her virginity to Steve. You get it.

(Steve looking amazed vs Nancy not looking very impressed)

Also

Interesting to mention the older teens have interacted with gates or downright went through them faster than the party. What do I mean? Jonathan saw a gate and Nancy went through the same gate in s1. The party hadn’t even seen a gate until the end of s1, when el killed (?) the demogorgon. Meanwhile Robin appeared and saw a gate all the same season, and Eddie appeared and went through a gate all the same season, while we have Michael here since s1, not even seeing one.

However, by s5 all of the party will already have interacted with gates (Mike included) and in s5 they will be the same age as the teens were in s1. Something something if portals / gates are sexual imagery something something growing up and puberty (as seen in s3 which is the season where they start to interact with gates, most of them. S3 which is extremely focused in growing up and puberty). In s2 they go to the tunnels but that’s not the upside down that’s still part of Hawkins. However it’s a step further, shows they are growing up, maturing, just a bit.

Now yes,

Dustin

Dustin saw a gate for the first time I think in s3 ep 5, the Russian gate at starcourt and his reaction is pretty average, just surprise like “I can’t believe the Russians have got a gate” which is a pretty understandable reaction.

As I mentioned before, the gate in Eddie’s trailer had some kind of membrane that had to be broken with a stick. Guess who was the one holding the stick. Dustin.

Idk if you can see it well in that screenshot, but it was him.

Dustin was basically twice on the upside down, although to me it all just counts as one time. Once in s4 with Eddie, then he climbed out, and then he went again to try to rescue him. Nothing interesting or remarkable to say about his reactions, no disgust, neither excitement, as if going through gates is normal to him, something he has done before. Well, he does seem like a bit surprised but probably because it’s something new. He gets over it quickly enough tho. I mean, I get that given the situation and everything happening he wouldn’t be worrying about the gate (he has bigger things to worry about) but going officially for the first time to the upside down after hearing the horror stories still must shake you up. But I think they didn’t add more trepidation because we as an audience already are familiar with the gates and the upside down, so why waste time?

@frogfacee said “but dustin interacts w them most, being the only party member to intentionally- and on screen- go through one” as a reply to my post where I asked about the party going through gates on screen. When I read that I knew I had to write this post because you cannot tell me that “mr heterosexual” dustin henderson going through gates the most out of all the party (and poking a gate with a stick) while mike “repressed homosexual” wheeler hasn’t even seen one doesn’t mean anything. Specially because as much as I love Dustin, Mike is the one most connected to the supernatural plot (obviously, aside from Will) out of Lucas, Dustin and him.

Something interesting about Dustin tho, he’s straight. Very heterosexual. All headcanons aside, the show tells us over and over he likes women. He had a tiny crush in Max, now he’s dating Suzie, he asked a girl out to dance at snowball, he wanted to impress girls, he talks with Steve about girls and dating, etc etc. Out of all the party, I think he’s the one who’s attraction to women has been reminded to us the most. I know people talk about Lucas (attracted to women) and Mike (gay) as narrative foils for sexuality (Lucas being how a normal heterosexual man acts regarding women and his gf vs whatever Mike has going on), but the “straightest” out of the party is Dustin. By a mile. That boy likes girls, and the duffers want you to know that. Is it surprising in any way that gates don’t seem weird, or disgusting, or confusing, or scary to him? Than he just sees one and despite the original shock says “guess that’s what I’m doing”?

Lucas

Lucas hasn’t gone to the upside down, but he sees gates twice. First at Eddie’s trailer, and then at the end of s4, after max “dies” and a gate opens.

The one in Eddie’s trailer doesn’t give us much. The one at the end of the season, tho. After max “dies”. That gate that cut Jason in half and that merges with the other gates right in front of the library.

But the thing is, he doesn’t care.

He’s holding Max, crying because he thinks she’s dead, a gate opens and his concern is grabbing max and pull her to safety, away from the gate. He seems mostly a bit scared of the way Jason is cut in half but doesn’t really do anything, it’s not his priority, Max is. There is a shot of Lucas’ face looking scared but he’s not looking at the gate, he’s looking at Jason’s torn body. I would be scared at that too.

Max and Lucas broke up offscreen before s4, and in s4 we have Lucas reaching out to max and being worried cause she’s not herself. However not once does he ask if she wants to get together again or anything like that. Instead he worries because “it’s like you’re not even there, like you’re a ghost or something”. Something is wrong with Max, she’s not telling him or anyone what it is and Lucas is worried. She changed completely after Billy’s death, became a shell of herself and stopped hanging out with them, began isolating herself. So Lucas worries, and asks, Max is his priority. Not their relationship, he doesn’t get closer to her to try and get together, but to see if she’s okay, what is going on.

Then they find out about Vecna and the priority becomes trying to save Max, stop Vecna from killing her. Lucas doesn’t even think about getting back together with Max despite still being in love with her because that’s just not important right now, not when Max’s life is at risk. He worries about her, tries to save her and help her, not because then when it’s all over they might get together again, she might date him again if he saves her, but because he loves her and he doesn’t want her to die. If someone told Lucas that she would decide she doesn’t ever want to see him again after they saved her from Vecna, he would still have helped her.

He pulls Max away from the gates to keep her safe, he pushes any romantic and/or sexual feelings he might have away because Max is the priority, Max is in danger, her life is in danger.

Max (& Erica)

Nothing much. They have interacted with gates, even if just a little. Still more than Mike. They are there, in Eddie’s trailer, and saw how Dustin helped open the gate and the teens went through it.

Erica also saw the s3 russian gate, along with Dustin, Steve, and Robin. She seemed a bit scared but didn’t remain like that for long.

And Max was present when the gate opened after she “died” but well.

I take this as Max and Erica being a teenage and a preteen girl (Max is 15, Erica is 11), growing up and coming into their sexuality and this not scaring them much, just seeing it as something normal (which it is). Probably because this coming into their sexuality means 1- their own body growing and changing which they don’t seem to have any reason to be scared of (different to el, see the tagged post at the beginning), and 2- the development of their sexuality (which so far is attraction to men. Regardless of hc’s, Max is attracted to guys, she dated Lucas, she looked at a shirtless Steve with binoculars, she also talked about how Ralph Macchio from karate kid was “so hot”. With Erica, given that she’s 11, we don’t see this many “proof” but her journey could simply be physical).

Barb (& Will)

(TW: mention of undetailed SA)

So like, I read one of the many posts talking about stranger things and sa, and something that caught my eye cause I hadn’t seen it before, is than Barb also has sa coding. I mean we all have seen the pool scene being contrasted with Nancy sleeping with Steve and we all know how queercoded Barb is. This isn’t anything new, so many people have talked about the scenes being together but yet so different to show the differences between Steve and Nancy (heterosexual sex) vs Barb (lesbian). Something something upside down as metaphor for homophobia etc we know it. However so many people talk about Will’s sa coding, and this person also talked about Barb’s. The difference between Steve and Nancy (consensual sex) vs Barb (unconsensual).

It’s interesting to see that Will, gay, has only interacted with portals unwillingly, unconsensually. With this, then Will’s sa coding gets bigger. This could also be queer coding (which has been present since s1). One thing can symbolize several at the same time. Now, I’m not saying Will got sa by a woman, just that since s1 we can see than he would not have sexual relationships with a woman, unless forced. But I don’t think that’s what that means. It’s certainly possible, but I think it’s about sa.

Barb is queercoded. Very. Like, seriously. Super queercoded for how little screen time she has. And yet her interactions with portals are negative, are unconsensual. It’s very different to Robin’s “that was fun”. Well, in a small town in the 1980s during the aids crisis, lesbian sexuality would be repressed and seen as wrong and disgusting. We have robin for contrast, who accepted her sexuality and sure, things aren’t great, but she talks about it openly with Steve (not only her crushes but also how Julie christy is “bonkers hot” in doctor zhivago, aka, expressing sexual attraction for women out loud) and her experience with portals so far has been positive. Barb, probably repressed, who we also have seen hurting herself (cutting her hand) while conforming (trying to drink beer the way Steve’s friends were) (eddie’s voice: “forced conformity, that’s what’s killing the kids”).

However Robin went through the portal on her own, while Barb was dragged. Just like Will. It’s possible the portals as sexual imagery here represent sexual assault for both Will and Barb, and I think that’s what the duffers were going with. We have seen it for Will, all of s2, other seasons as well but specially s2, but with Barb, since she died, we didn’t get to see the effects. Barb also has some similarities with Henry and El, and well, we all know the *theories regarding Brenner and the lab… ( @henrysglock and @heroesbyler have good posts on it and you can also see it in the og post)

*tbh I wouldn’t even say theories I think it’s just there but in the background.

And finally,

Mike

Oh Mike

Mike is the main reason for this post. This was actually intended as a “proof Mike is gay” post but it escalated

The thing than is odd about Mike and the upside down, is his lack of interactions with it. I don’t think he ever even seen a portal.

But, he knows about the upside down. He helps the party discover stuff and he was the first one (aside from Will) to get a connection with it out of them (he was the one to find El, and to find out El knew Will).

Mike is very close to Will, they’re all friends but we see since s1 their relationship is different. Whether you believe in byler or not, we see it in s1 and s2, there’s a different between Dustin & Mike and Will & Mike. Mike is very close with Will, helping him through his episodes etc in a way that Lucas and Dustin don’t, he’s at the hospital, he discovers Will is the spy, etc etc. Mike is also dating El who, obviously, is super connected to the upside down and gates. So it would make sense for mike to interact with gates or even go to the upside down. Yet he doesn’t.

However I think there’s something to say about how Mike is the only one out of the party (aside from Dustin) to not be disgusted by dart. That means something, I don’t know what, though, but something (perhaps the manifestation theory? x x x)

So we have Mike, one of the main characters if not the main character, who is connected to the supernatural plot and who helps the development of said plot (he meets el, el stays at his house, he discovers stuff) not interact with the upside down at all (no, the tunnels are not part of the upside down, guys), while also being an incredibly queercoded character who has not shown any attraction towards women. (“Oh, but, but, but he’s dating El!”, true, that’s something I can’t deny, in canon, regardless of what I believe, they are dating. But aside from el, has mike shown attraction towards any other girl, or just women as a whole, ever? See here)

I think you can see where I’m getting at. Mike, repressed and gay, has not interacted with portals (vaginal imagery) in the whole show. Wonder why.

If this is true then it's genius, cause it shows something is wrong in a subtle way. I mean, in a show about an alternative dimension, where side characters that appeared one season (eddie) have travelled to said dimension, and side characters than haven't been here since the start (robin) travelled to said dimension, and side characters than have known about the supernatural plot since the start (nancy, steve, jonathan, hopper, etc) travelled to said dimension (or at least, interacted with the gates), and main characters (dustin, lucas, max, el) travelled to said dimension (or at least, interacted with the gates), and that started with a main character being kidnapped to said dimension in the first ep (will), and yet, they have main character Mike Wheeler, super connected to the supernatural plot (always the first to figure out stuff, close relationship with el and will), supposed "heart" of the party and "main" member of the group (hes literally the DM), tbh probably the main character, be the only one not being shown even interacting with a gate at all??? Yeah something isn't right. I noticed this so much time ago and found it incredibly weird.

Now, they are definitely going to the upside down and Mike will go through a portal in s5, so my theory probably won't hold up (unless he acts like, super disgusted when doing it of smth) but I found it interesting.

#stranger things theory #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things 3 #mike wheeler #byler #lumax #dustin henderson #will byers #barb holland #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #erica sinclair #portals #gates #st theory #mike wheeler is gay #stranger things analysis #byler nation

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mino491 · 3 months ago

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for all that s4 got wrong, I'm glad they looked more into the relationship between Allison and Klaus. She says that (paraphrasing) she was always the one Klaus called when he was in trouble (which goes with my hc that Allison was the one who paid for Klaus's rehab bills every time ) and that was the reason she wanted to help him now but then to have Claire and Klaus both be able to see through her was so needed. Klaus's outburst about how she was only helping him to make herself feel better and not like the monster her family makes her out to be is special to me.

Klaus is always shown to be a little slow or dumb compared to characters like Five and Allison is shown to be an amazing actress who puts up a facade that no one can see through so to have Klaus have such a good read on her is so 💥💥💥

I loved the little screentime these two had in s1 and the heartwarming scenes in s2 so this felt like a good way to see the progression of their relationship

#the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #allison hargreeves #tua s4 spoilers #tua s4

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heyhoeudoin · 3 months ago

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while writing my "times senku talked about you," i became a senhaku shipper

HANNDJWHABAHAHA

they eye fucked, kohaku runs to senku, he turned his body towards her to receive the hug. he didn't RECIPROCATE, but RECEIVED it.

he's like the biggest unaffectionate character in dr stone and yet is okay with receiving a hug from someone he knew for less than a year or so? he literally pushed taiju, his CHILDHOOD best friend, away whenever taiju wants to hug him.

HELLO???

was it casual when that happened????? 🤨🤨🤨

it also never occurred to me how they fit each other nicely. they're both goal driven and also know that a relationship is not a priority, but rather something that they'll get into once their goals are done. it also works because it's the nerd + athletic pairing, but it's also their own kind of pairing, you know?

they're each other's types.

senku said that his type is someone who'd bring him things (and pump oxygen into a furnace) who's a better representative for that than kohaku?? she is literally gave him everything in the kingdom of science. chrome, the village, the knowledge of what happened to his father, manpower—literally everything. she was the reason for it all.

kohaku told moz that her type is someone who continues on with their goal no matter what hardships they've faced which is literally senku??? time and time again, senku has faced hardships and multiple battles throughout his journey of facing the petrification of the world and the world of science yet still manages to pull through those hardships.

senku is the first person she had met outside their village, and someone that impressed her while kohaku was the first person senku had met after getting separated from taiju and yuzuriha, and someone that impressed him.

they impressed each other with their own strengths.

i feel that because of that, they've got a special bond with each other. the hug they shared in season 3 shows that.

(i don't remember the manga after s4; currently re-reading it though)

#dr stone #dr stone spoilers #dr stone senku #drst #dr stone manga #dr stone kohaku #kohaku #senku #senku ishigami #ishigami senku #ishigami #senhaku #senku x kohaku #senku ishigami x kohaku #heyhoethings

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couldbeglorious · 5 months ago

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theres aaa malevolence womence momence rn and uhhh to me it's not rly a problem that there arent voiced women / women without heavy voice distortion, it's perfectly possible to have good characters that are spoken of / read about in letters / otherwise nonverbally present, it's that the characters who are women aren't well-written, rounded characters. they're ideas and concepts (often cool ones!) placed as set dressing or information posts or a wall to bounce a ball off of for the story arthur's doing at the moment, they arent people with agency and drive. and then they die. Sorry, they Have Died. Amanda could have written more letters where she had a personality, she couldve have interacted with the woman who became the wraith, she could have stayed alive and written letters directly to arthur, emily could have been someone beyond a backstory gory detail, anna stanczyk could have... been a character instead of being periodically alluded to as "existing" (and have her name pronounced correctly sometime). Marie was pretty close ! then she went and discarded her own sister being brought back from the fucking creature that took her husband in favor of suddently making arthur her surrogate son and how shes such a lonely old woman who has only need for a little guy to be special. Hattie? just a vessel to the end i guess, never a person. and that's not to say male characters have it much better, what with the "instantly being so enamored with arthur at first sight it's literally incomprehensible if you took your shipping glasses off" , "throwing all secondary characters in the laundry chute in the s4 finale" which wasnt even needed at all since arthur was going to time-travel ANYWAY , but , thing is, they obviously are people with a past and a want and a story. thought experiment : take your general idea of the characterization of noel, or oscar, or even Parker, remember we never heard him speak either!, and apply it to an avatar with a woman's face. does this new OC feel different than how the women who have been present in the show feel?

#you might not if you have trouble to see women as people in the first place #. (or if you and i have incredibly different worldviews that i cant really fanthom) .. well.#yk #cttu #fandom wank #it is fandom wank #re; good characters not speaking. think of agnes montague ...... her ROLE in the story is that of someone who never has had a choice to b-#be their own person- and it's a Theme! It's Explored! It's beautiful and tragic !#and #.......... :T

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starry-eyed-steve · 11 months ago

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Sandra's Fic Wrapped 2023

Hello <3, it's the last day of 2023, and I wanted to give some love to all the amazing fanfics I read this year. Each one of the people mentioned here is so talented, and everyone should check out their entire work.

(Disclaimer: all fics mentioned are Steve Harrington x reader)

Here are my top reads from this year (in no particular order)

Wildfire by @curiositydooropened (completed series, enemies to lovers) This fic has one of the best world building, I need this to happen in s5, actually. Doesn't shy away from discussions of ptsd and overall, it was so well done. I still have to finish it, but I know Amanda did an amazing job with it. <3

Glitch by @munsonsreputation (series, friends to lovers) This fic is just so cozy and cute. Reader insert felt like a very well-rounded character. You will love all the interactions with the other characters. It's just so well done. <3

whip it! by @schoopsahoy (one shot) This fic was cuteness overload. Loved the confident reader insert, and overall, the character dynamics were so well done, esp Steve and the kids <3

don't think twice, it's alright by @hawkinsquarry (part of a series, hurt/comfort post s4) I think this is one of my fav hurt/comfort pieces I've read this year. The interactions between reader and Steve are so tender. Overall, this was perfect <3

Into Open Flames by @kurokoros (completed series, established relationship, horror, set after s2 canon divergence) This fic has amazing world building. The original monster is so terrifying and well done that I was on the edge of my seat all the time. I adored Steve's character so much, kinda wish the show would have handled his character that way instead of what they did in s3/4. Overall amazing writing <3

confetti by @slashersteve (series, single!dad Steve) My favorite single dad Steve fic out there. I still haven't read the latest part, but I had to mention this series. It's amazing. The characters feel so real, and you'll fall in love with Steve's daughter <3

become the sun by @headkiss (one shot, strangers to friends to lovers) This was probably my favorite summer fic. I adored the small beach town vibe. Overall, that was such a cute read. I still need to read this year's Christmas fic, which I know will be great because last year's was amazing. <3

the view between villages, part one: good bones by @sattlersquarry (completed series, choose your own adventure, s3) Listen this is one of the most creative works I've read. The amount of work that was put in it is insane. You play an active part and get to choose how your story ends. This was such a fun experience <3

the swindling of steve harrington’s heart by @stevebabey (one shot, strangers to lovers) This was such a cute fic, like Steve asking for dating advice in the Hawkins Post was just sweet. I loved all the interactions between him and the reader. If you need a pick-me-up, this is your fic <3

and they were roomates by @sunshinesteviee (one shot, friends to lovers) This fic was just so cute. I loved Robin being kinda in the middle of this and sick of their bullshit. Overall, amazing writing and a quick read if you are feeling down and need cheering up <3

almost paradise by @hawkinsindiana (completed series for now, ST rewrite covering all seasons) I said it so many times, but this is one of my overall favorite stories. Kinda wish we had the reader character in the actual show because it makes so much sense. The writing is amazing, I even shed a few tears towards the end. I can't wait to see what's in store for s5. Also, check out the various blurbs that go with it. There is so much work being put into this, and it deserves a bit more love. I'm gonna re-read the whole thing next year. <3

steve zombie!au by @luveline (compilation of blurbs and one shots) This is one of my fav AU, I can't just choose one thing, so I linked the entire masterlist Their relationship is just so special. I love the world building and the other characters. It's amazing <3

no good at waiting by @familyvideostevie (completed series, sorta enemies to lover farmer market au) This is one of my fav series, and we got such cute blurbs this year from this universe. It has such a cozy vibe to it, great world building and characters. <3

Any Way Out by @hairrington (one shot, angst, ex boyfriend Steve) This fic was a mix of heartache and comfort. Nadia is one of my fav Steve writers out there so everyone check out her entire masterlist. <3

some kind of muted blue by @thecreelhouse (one shot, dark themes, deals with things like ptsd) This was so devastatingly beautiful, I loved that this fic explored Steve's felings so much, something we don't get to see in the show. This was just amazingly written <3

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harringtion fanfic #steve harrington recs #please let all the links work #sandra says stuff

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 23 days ago

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my favorite mulder moments from s4

meeting the little girl he believes to be his sister in episode 1, then falling onto his knees, grabbing her shoulders, and saying “it’s me, fox, your brother” - he proceeds to take her with them as they escape from the clone farm, even when he learns it isn’t really samantha (god. the devotion will kill me)

offering his life in exchange for his mother’s when the alien bounty hunter catches him... pain

the way he could only focus on baseball at the start of episode 2; how he was practicing his pitching stance, and he shoved the ball under scully’s nose, saying “smell that. it’s perfume. eau de ball” <- it's important to remember that he may be a haunted and tragic figure, but also he is Silly

and how he keeps whacking the TV around to try and get it to work during their stay at the motel in pennsylvania, dancing around trying to fix it, which scully watches with a smile

mulder fact checking the cult leader who was talking about jesus in episode 5 (he was talking about SMYRNA when he said that, not about some random town in TENNESSEE!)

and his nerdy witchcraft knowledge on display in episode 6 (obviously an inverted pentagram represents the goat of lust attacking heaven with its horns! /s)

in episode 9, he is literally stuck in a gulag, looking death in the face, but says “i’m not gonna die. i have to live long enough to kill that man krycek” <- LOVE a character staying alive out of spite!!

then he performs a solid “give him two punches and throw him in the truck i’m stealing” maneuver to bag up krycek and get them both tf out of there, which occurred with a fascinating swiftness and brutality

later, when he has escaped and is back home, he has this dogged insistence that aliens are real as he testifies before the special committee, asking them why they refuse to believe when there is so much evidence (<- i LOVE how he finds everyone else's lack of belief infuriating, and how he cares not about what people think of him, but only for the Truth itself)

(and the intro reading “e pur si muove”, allegedly said by galileo when he was forced to recant his claim that the earth moves around the sun, was a very nice touch)

waking up from a nightmare in episode 10, convinced the location of a crime scene was revealed to him, so he drives to the place he saw in his dream in the dead of the night- and he was right

his ancient guilt that arose throughout the whole episode, how he was convinced he could solve the case out of sheer conviction - “don’t you think the car might have been searched at least once already?” “not by me”

and we see him waking up from his nightmares shouting samantha’s name, so haunted over the idea of the victim being her or some other poor girl that he was too impatient to let forensics dig up the bodies in their professional manner, clawing at the ground with his hands instead

going to his mom’s house in the middle of the night, apologizing profusely for waking her up, and asking her how she is doing; when he asks if she recognizes the fabric from the crime scene, she says her memory hasn’t been as good since the stroke, and he smiles, hugs her, pats her back, and tells her it’s okay (he loves her so much!!!!!)

when they’re doing the ID on the body of the child they thought might have been his sister, he lets out a broken “it’s not her, is it scully?” as he recounts how samantha broke her collarbone when she was 6. scully reassures him through his tears that it’s not her, but he says “it’s somebody, though”, realizing the devastation he feels must have been felt by this girl’s family. and it isn't his pain, but it is someone's

the incredible massachusetts- sounding line delivery of “and you’re in the wrong HOUSE, you stupid son of a bitch!”

we see his incredible vulnerability in him being willing to even let out a serial killer from prison to try and get answers- it's such an awful idea, but would any of us have done the same for a chance at getting answers?

then, when he realized the extent of his mistake and another child was put in danger, he says it doesn't matter anymore even if it was samantha they were looking for, because now another child has been placed in danger; all of this showing his terrifying willingness to do anything for answers mixed with his overflowing guilt

(and then he reveals his backup gun in his sock, which was a major slay)

how carefully he tells the girl roche took hostage to close her eyes and count to twenty- not condescending to her, but trying to keep her from panicking- before shooting her captor in the head (and then the poor girl runs off screaming into scully’s arms, who holds her and says it’s okay)

mulder rushing to the hospital to meet with scully in episode 14, not knowing what is wrong, too panicked to even read the signs pointing him in the right direction

and how he tries to make her laugh with his “i, uh, stole these from some guy with a broken leg down the hall. he won’t be able to catch me”- he smiles when she does, pleased to try and diffuse the tension the way he always feels compelled to

his refusal to believe that her cancer isn’t treatable, and how his face falls when she assures him this is the case; but despite her insistence, he will not accept it

going to skinner in episode 14, asking him to set up a meeting with CSM, even though he hates the man more than can be put into words, because CSM has to know what is happening to scully and therefore how to fix it (and skinner’s utter refusal to allow him to deal with the devil- so he does it himself)

(then he goes and fetches the lone gunmen to break into a medical facility and get some answers; “well, pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching”, he tells them over the phone, another joke in the face of demons)

when they do break into the facility, he tasks byers with leaving IMMEDIATELY to tell scully to stop treatment RIGHT NOW, because he realizes it is actually hurting her

after questioning the horrific antisemite who proclaims that mulder might be a jew in episode 15, he leaves with a smile and gives the man a blessing

in episode 16, he notices that skinner was shot before skinner notices himself, grabbing his arm (and once again illustrating how much mulder cares for him!!!)

banger line from episode 17: “claimed steadfastly, ignorance becomes as acceptable as the truth”

(and how he waves goodbye to the airplane that scully and frish were on <3)

in episode 19, he quotes scully's thesis at length, revealing he memorized at least parts of it word for word

(he also tucks a pencil behind his ear in this episode and it was just <3)

in episode 20, he’s talking to the mother of the latest tailed baby, who tells him that “it’s just a matter of a snip”, to which he responds “that’s good to hear” with both a sense of genuine concern and the face of a man who never expected to be dealing with tailed babies during his time in the FBI

(and his incredibly pained expressions when she reveals the father of the child is luke skywalker)

when scully is sawing into the mummy and mummy dust is all through the air, he covers his coffee upon entering the room

(and the way he tries to hide that he accidentally broke off the mummy’s foot)

mulder showing up to skinner’s house uninvited at 4 am in episode 21, asking for skinner’s help, not knowing that he covered up the death he is trying to solve

(then, later in the episode, the way his face falls when he realizes it’s skinner doing the crime on the security footage, and his heartbroken accusation that skinner had been working with CSM this whole time to kill his father and take scully, pacing the room like a wild animal)

((and THEN, his face melting when he realizes skinner was the one who made the deal with the devil he warned him against, putting together how much skinner must care for them both))

in episode 22, he elaborates on this difference between ghosts, disembodied spirits, and death omens before bowling a perfect strike. and scully looked impressed

how he SPRINTS to scully when he hears the gunshots of her shooting the evil nurse, and then the way he immediately notices the cut on her hand <3

the terrible grief he feels when he’s high out of his mind in episode 23, asking his mother if she cheated on his father; “who is my father?” “what do you want, to kill him again?” - she even slaps him, and he is such a momma’s boy normally, but look what he has been driven to in his effort to find answers; here he is, hurting the people he loves the most, losing control entirely, risking everything on a mere hunch

the doctor claiming he did nothing wrong and being met with “you put a HOLE in my HEAD” (which is funny out of context, but the horrific lengths to which he is willing to go to get answers deserves to be reiterated; he literally let some guy strap him down, inject him with drugs, and put a hole in his head to try and remember anything about what happened to samantha, everything comes down to that ancient Guilt that is integral to his being)

#he has some good moments here!#writing this also made me realize just how much i loved paper hearts LMAOOOO i feel like i recounted the whole plotline #well! sometimes an episode can sneak up on you like that #i'd like to have the duo moments post up tomorrow but i'm honestly not too sure because i'm dodging spoilers for a finale airing tn #gotta be safe!!#the x files #txf #fox mulder

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