#That’s selfish. Aghhh…

[bxnnie-bxwl]

thinking of evil!freddy again… and am thinking doing it different this time inspired by posts I’ve seen about freddy wanting to distance himself from the figure head he has to be.. he wants to be his own person and not this puppet who has to deliver everything he has each second of his life.. and you can tell in the game whenever there’s a voice recording of Freddy he distances from it because it is not truly him..

so in this au I thought that when Freddy glitches out on stage he’s sent to repairs.. but something snaps in him and he decides to escape.. so the rest of the band has have to fill Freddy’s shoes… some being happy to get the spotlight but Bonnie was quite upset to Freddy disappearing ):

And then the story sort of follows a bit the same as security breach but with Bonnie instead of gregory.. but Freddy comes back (((:

So freddy in this is more that he refuses to follow rules anymore., and somehow fuelled by some sort of anger and despair.. I wonder. But he soon joins up with Gregory and Bonnie <33

[flamingo--ing]

mmmmkmm

[transsexualcunt]

stress smoking today!

[toastermuffles]

Fit and Ramon are my fav duo page 1/100,000,000

Someone please take me back to the time when it was Fit and Ramon against the world. I don't know... something about the two loneliest people confiding and loving eachother makes me sob uncontrollably.

A selfish, war-hardened man on a mission finds himself loving someone so much he is willing to give his own life just to see his little boy smile.

Having a relationship so deep that no one else would understand. A relationship that changed Fit into someone willing to love again. Being the only constant in Ramon's life.

AGHHH being aromantic means deep platonic relationships are my whole world, so seeing them being portrayed in media so well like this makes me cry. IM ACTUALLY CRYING HOLY MOLY-

[fictionfixations]

all the sad tales

penacony + aventurine spoilers

the wiki probably contains this but for my own sake i need to keep this somewhere.

(it'll be in bold. what im not sure on will not be in bold)

(The murmurs near your ears grow louder, more booming. You can even see another ████ ████████. Let's hope you can hold on until the moment you step onto the stage of the amusement park.)

(whited out parts are parts i cant decipher yay)

im going to try my hardest not to miss anything because i really like aventurine and i want to take my time with this. but i also sometimes have a really short attention span or get too immersed in something that i forget everything else so like...

(You ████████ ██ ██ █ ██████ discovered a strange child -- He seems to hail from the Avgin origins(?)... Weren't they already wiped out?)

(need to stop sprinting. i keep noticing breakable objects or chest so then i sprint towards them and im going to end up missing something instead of just heading straight into activating more of the story)

bby kakavasha runs so fast oh my god (its kind of sad to imagine that he can run so fast probably to run away from well yknow...)

(You are completely entranced by the Avgin boy. Just who is(?) he? There's still time. Maybe you can catch up to him and ask him exactly what █████████.) (happened?) (the extra whited out part on just who --- is probably a space. otherwise it could be was but hm.)

(im going to cry if i miss checking it because an enemy is chasing after me and i run headfirst into story. yes i am a coward who doesnt like starting battles if i can help it. makes me wish i had acheron but id honestly never use her in battle unless i had someone to regenerate skill points considering i have 5 star dan heng, so other attack ppl on team dont get much attention, and i dont really know how to use her beside tehcnique insta kill?? does that mean i can whip out a lvl 1 acheron and it works??)

dont plan on talking about the dialogue too much (i saw multiple people go through the story before i started ngl) but (also aventurine boss creeping up on me... i literally only have one person on team who attacks multiple at a time, and no one else outside of the team is as built)

LISTEN. have you SEEn hyenas playfighting its fucking adorable. call someone a hyena, i call it a compliment.

i missed the first piece of text... i forgot...

(*Ride the Pinball Machine)

still the same

i dont know why but the puzzles in penacony make me lag so bad. the puzzles, the pinball machine, or that dreamweaver thing. bruh.

(*Win the Hide and Seek game and find the Avgin boy)

anyway from what im understanding you can tell how many letters are missing because its as many characters as a character is missing. whenever ive blacked out text i never do that cause its so much bigger than the original text (i do one block for every two letters ngl. but i also dont do it with the intention of people deciphering what it says)

(*Play the roll of █████ film) (wound?)

i dont know film terms enough to even decipher what it could be. it could be color. black. white.

wound? wound as in rolling? like uh uh. past tense of wind. like winding up a roll. a wound roll. cause the description of wounds.. it could be related to his family. or..

I MISSED IT AGAIN 'there is only water, not rock' or something like that

(*Leave the maze)

(*Check the things you(?) lost)

i cant decipher this one 😭. you??? (Leave the maze you(?) █o) but i dont know what would make sense of it then. idk.

oh fuck i forgot to check the objective. its. probably the same as the other one for when finding a 'lost' object but like...

AGHHH wiki came in clutch

(*Check the lost things and memories)

(*Escape escape(?) the maze escape(?) the past/last(?) escort(?)) (this is a lot of 'idk')

(Failure discarded selfish useless pointless coward murderer gambler blessed discarded loser chosen-one Mother Goddess's beloved crazy murderer blessed failure discarded loser pointless coward murderer chosen-one selfish fool(?) blessed discarded loser chosen-one you(?) loser discarded pointless coward(?) murderer gambler blessed █isc█████ useless loser chosen-one Mother Goddess's blessed/beloved(?) loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser ████ ████ ███████████ ███ ██████ █████ █ ██ ████ █)

there might be way more losers then there should be because my eyes were getting confused. and also more of the blacked out character

this line right here makes me wonder why he's still in the IPC after like the end of 2.2 (..im pretty sure 2.3 is the next update)

my brain power is failing on me idk what this one is

im going to turn my settings to max for the picture because its so fucking pixel-y. im going to try to save it before my pc crashes.

my one complaint: the taking a picture function that continues the story disappears when you get close to kakavasha. so i cant take a photo with him and continue the story.,

whatever.where the fuck is the screenshot folder im crying

oh my god the LAUNCHER? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNow after i go through the star rail folder > games folder > starrail_data folder > screenshots

thats way too many folders for me to even notice 😭

second image cuz yes

I RAN PAST THE TEXT AGAIN

'there'll be one beside you' or something im sorry my memory is shit short term i already forgot

I MISSED MORE OF THE FLOATING TEXT 😭😭

'over plains, endless'

'into cracked earth, stumbling'

im stressed so im getting distracted

ARE YOU READY KIDS? I CANT HEAR YOUUU. WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA

"So run, Kakavasha, do not be afraid, and do not look back."

now go back and reread the previous quest thing.

okay thats it i think

[windandglory]

finished shoujo kakumei utena (series and movie). um. haha how many pets does anthy have named nanami. um. I think I'm irreversibly changed as a person and I will NOT recover. help. (more detailed thoughts below)

I think I'll organize this based on characters, because I can't even begin to wrap my head around the basis of the plot (I think I understand what happens, just not the setup. has Anthy actually been a "doll" this whole time? has she actually been invisibly pierced with thousands of swords? if so, why? I find it hard to believe that the literal devil Akio had a past of saving people from hardship, and if so, how did he have the time to make "every girl a princess"? is there actually magic involved here or is it all metaphorical? what's going on with all the time manipulation? I get the movie doesn't try to explain the series at all, but the idea of Otori Academy being a "closed world" does make sense in terms of the series, what with Mikage/Nemuro being who knows how old despite still appearing as a high schooler, but if so there's definitely magic involved. Whose? Has it been a closed world this entire time? Has Utena ever lived outside of it? I would believe no, since Dios didn't actually save her, Akio did, but aghhh my brain hurts.

So, Utena! Our protagonist only by technicality. She doesn't know what's going on and she never really learns. I really do see where Revue Starlight took inspiration from (I mean, the bit where Karen turns into a block of Position Zero absolutely is based on the scene in Adolescence where Utena turns into a car). Utena is a fun character and there's nobody else I'd say I'd rather have us follow, but it hurt to see her break. I like her!

Anthy! I don't know why people think she's a bad person. She just...is. Throughout the whole series, she's extremely passive. She has no agency, that's kind of the point. Utena's efforts to give her agency are useless because Anthy wouldn't even know where to start. It's painful to have to witness her getting abused over and over again, and I almost wish they had toned it down a little. It was unnecessary some of the time. I do applaud how it never got easier. I never got used to it. I don't know why they only brought up her leaving on the weekends to see Akio when they wanted to actually introduce him as an active character. It would have been fine foreshadowing to have Utena inquire about that from the start, even for Utena and therefore the audience to understand that she has a brother. Even vaguely through the shadow girls' plays or something. It would have put a bit more of a spotlight on Nanami as a potential foil.

On that topic, Nanami! She's my second favorite character, after Wakaba. I appreciated her episodes. They were a breath of fresh air, and I could focus a bit more on the symbolism and subtext without the text beating me over the head with a baseball bat. It was weird how she asked out Tsuwabuki though. Like, I get she's like 13 so I'm not judging her too harshly but that wasn't necessary. Tsuwabuki could have asked for what he wanted (being her brother) from the beginning and it wouldn't have changed much, especially since there wasn't payoff to him becoming Touga's family by proxy at the end. He doesn't really earn his own entry, which is why I'm talking so much about him in Nanami's section. Anyway, Nanami wasn't a "subversion" of the mean girl archetype as people seem to say. In fact, not many of these characters are subversions. More like...perversions? They don't undermine expectations, just twist tropes into different situations. Nanami just is a mean girl with her mean henchmen, just as selfish as you would expect. She's just also 13, doing silly things as you would expect from a young child, and eventually she's faced with things a child should never have to confront and she reacts appropriately. I pity her and I hope she gets everything she wants. She deserves better than Touga.

Speaking of, Touga. He and Saionji totally have some unresolved tension. They never get over it. Sometimes, he's kind of funny. When Ruka finished preparing Juri for Akio's car ride, he said something along the lines of "Touga, say the thing" and Touga did, and his shirt was unbuttoned and everything. It really was just a formality there since I'm sure Juri has no interest in Touga's bare chest. Anyway, Touga is an awful person. He treats his sister terribly, as does he with his many partners, and I'm simply not sure why. I don't know what happened to make him the way he is, and that annoys me. I liked how he was dead in Adolescence. I almost wonder if he was dead in the series too, since that event they kept mentioning in Adolescence, where a boy (in Adolescence, Touga) died saving a girl (in Adolescence, Juri) was mentioned at the end of the series, when the other duelists were waiting for Utena to finish dueling Akio. Who knows, I guess.

Just to get it out of the way, Shiori. She's an interesting character. She was practically the secondary villain to Akio in Adolescence, something I thought was a particularly strange choice. She was always mean, even before she became part of the plot. I don't know what Juri sees in her, and I also don't know why Shiori hates Juri so damn much. I get not liking when someone's into you, but it's not like Juri was ever forceful about it.

Juri. In the series, she's the only one who was outright stated to be sapphic in the text. I don't know why, honestly. No reason to not have a throwaway line about Utena liking both or something. I felt she was done a bit dirty. Her whole everything revolved around her love for Shiori, and I would have liked to see more of her desires. That bittersweet bit before the final hour, where both Juri and Miki mentioned having a thing for Utena...maybe that could have been pushed forward for Juri? I don't know. I just wish there had been more, since I really liked her. Her final duel was my favorite.

Speaking of characters I wished there had been more for, Wakaba. She's my favorite and I think she and Utena have more chemistry than Utena did with Anthy, since Anthy's so passive. I hope she and her onion prince and princess have a happy life.

Miki. I don't have much to say about him. I liked him a lot, and I think he's interesting and everything, but there's just nothing for me to say beyond that. He's my second favorite of the council members, behind Nanami. I wish he had more time to spend with Mikage/Nemuro. They're compared briefly but they're so different that I think it would have been interesting.

Rounding out the council members, Saionji. I hate myself for it, but I liked him. I hated him at first, and I still think he's an awful guy, though perhaps not as vile as Touga. Slapping people seems to be normalized in Akio's world. I just thought he was kind of funny and I would have liked to see the horror on Touga's face when Saionji confessed his love for him, but I guess that scene was cut for time.

And finally, the devil, Sekai no Hate, Akio, Dios, whatever. Scum of the Earth, whatever they try to tell us about him having a decent side in Dios. He grooms and abuses children and calls it a part-time job. I'm sure he's part of the reason Anthy's the way she is. I wish he had remained faceless for longer because every moment he's on screen is a moment I feel like I'm going to puke. I don't know if there's ever been a fictional character who's made me feel that way. Plenty who do with their actions, but not to the point where I associate their presence with the feeling I get with their actions. I kind of wonder if Kanae's father is even a real person. Time works strangely at Akio's academy, and it is Akio's, even though he's apparently only the "acting" chairman.

Bonus, the shadow girls. The reveal that they were real students at the academy was interesting as well as sad. I had hoped they existed somewhere else, and didn't have to suffer alongside all the other students. I loved them and their antics. They always had such interesting things to say, and I like that they played such an active role in the movie.

[guillory-street-gossip]

”the lords had lived like kings. Now he feared they might die like kings, too” <- that’s from Levi’s perspective and there’s def something there about how a lot of people are trying to become street legends, forgetting the gory end of every single one. I don’t have much else to say about it but it’s just a really interesting quote to me

Shit I wish I annotated bc there’s a really similar Levi quote I’m thinking of along these lines— something about how a becoming a legend requires dread? Aghhh I’ll find it at some point haha

And yeah! The more I read, the more I realize that one of the overarching themes is like, idealism vs reality. The ideal of becoming a legend vs the reality of a gruesome death, an election between two parties who claim lofty, idealistic goals, but are both inherently selfish and rooted in violence, hell, enne’s whole arc plays out like a Cinderella fantasy before crashing down, and yet even before everything was destroyed she STILL wasn’t free. Crazy!!

[buttercreamnotes]

!!! Minors DNI !!!

Explicit context ahead kiddos. You've been warned.

Part 1 https://www.tumblr.com/buttercreamnotes/775414340620845056/happy-valentines-day?source=share

Part 2 https://www.tumblr.com/buttercreamnotes/775414844215230464/minors-dni?source=share

Part 3

Thankfully John wasn’t wearing any pants, making moving Dani so she was sitting on his lap a lot easier. He let out a groan which turned into light laughter as Dani whined about feeling something poking at her from behind. “Can’t help it, I am just bursting with love for ya.” He added with a cheeky grin. “Did I tell ya how I already love yer breasts?” John grumbled, wanting an excuse to fondle them again. His cock twitched at Dani’s giggle. “That’s another ting I love, I love the little sounds you make….Your little moans when you take that first bite of ice cream and the little giggles you make when yer think yer oh so funny.” He extended his head over Dani’s shoulder to give his wife a kiss on the lips as he started to play with her breasts. John let out a long groan. “They’ve gotten so nice and full since you had Josephine…” He mumbled, thumbs circling Dani’s nipples as he spoke. “Your body fed and provided for our infant daughter, you gotta admit that’s pretty hot.” John’s breath was hot in Dani’s ear as he continued to venture downwards until his hands were met with the curve of her belly. “Oh I think this is one of my favorite spots to kiss.” His hands gave her sides a soft squeeze, rolling his eyes as Dani spoke less of herself. “I don’t care how ya looked when you were a wee babe. I like how ya look now.” John huffed through flared nostrils. “I like that it shows that I feed ya well, makes me feel like i provide for ya and the wee one.” He kissed Dani’s neck. “It makes me wanna show you off, if I could rip out the eyes of every man on the planet I would beg for you to walk around naked.” He purred, enjoying the way Dani was beginning to squirm. “Is my pretty little doll getting all worked up? I can feel the heat radiating between your thighs…” John smirked as he picked Dani up a second time. “Can you ask politely for whatcha need, hmm?” 

John sat on the edge of the bed with Dani straddling his hips. He was strong enough to keep Dani in the air with his arms as he slowly lowered her down onto his cock. “Aww come on Doll, I know you can take it. Do ya like how big I feel inside ya?” He chuckled as he lowered Dani a few more inches down onto his cock. “Is my little thing rocking her hips? Is someone trying to ride out her own cute little high?” John teased, eye darkening. “So desperate and selfish to ride out your own climax. I thought I trained you better than that…” With an unimpressed brow, John dropped Dani onto his cock, forcing all 11 inches into her at once. He could barely contain himself as she whined out his name, carrying on about how big he was. “I know Doll…” John groaned through clenched teeth. “I fucking know….You feel so fucking tight, I can feel you squeezing my cock.” John groaned as he regained his composure. “I fucking love bouncing you on my cock….The way your breasts bounce…..Aghhh….” John’s wanted to throw his head back in pleasure but his eye was fixated on Dani’s figure as they began to rock the bed with more gusto. The bed was creaking underneath them, keeping their rhythm as John felt heat begin to quell in his abdomen. He was getting close, as was Dani. “That’s right, let it out good girl. I want you to cry my name. I know you can still speak, yer head ain’t that fuzzy yet…” John growled as he began to bounce faster, precum was already beginning to squirt out from between Dani’s thighs, running down John’s leg and adding a squish sound as the bed creaked and groaned. John pulled down on Dani’s chin just as her lashes began to flutter. “Look at me while you cum, I want to see the expression in your face dull as your pretty little eyes cross. I love that look you get.” In addition to his cock, John slipped two fingers down into Dani’s pussy as well, stretching out the walls even further as she cried that she was at her limit. “You ain’t at your limit until I say ya are. “ John snapped back, forcing Dani’s eye contact and concentration on him. “Look at m- look. At. Me. Daniella.” John growled, refusing to let her cum so easily. “Aaahhh there you are, breathing in an out….” He praised, kissing her neck. Dani leaned closer and closer into him, giving him access to more of her body. John’s free hand wrapped around Dani’s petite frame as he massaged the rim of her ass. Letting out a moan at the heat radiating off of Dani, a smile curled onto John’s lips. “How much do you think you can take? Hm? Be a good girl and take a deep breath for me….” When Dani’s body relaxed, he slowly began to insert his thumb up into her ass, keeping rhythm with his bouncing cock. “Yeah that’s it….what a good girl….” John groaned as he pressed his lips against Dani’s. Kissing Dani was enough to send John over the edge, his long, flat tongue began to push down her throat as he pressed his face against her own. All of her pleasurable holes were being penetrated by him. Being forced to submit to him. John’s hips began to pulsate faster. The thumb that was massaging her asshole was now deeply implanted and he even fantasized about fitting his pointer finger up there as well. Somewhere between it all though John let out a roar from deep within his chest and he came inside of Dani, painting her insides with how much he loved her. Dani was close to coming right after him, even with his tongue shoved down her throat she still managed to make whines and her eyes crossed, body going limp as she came. Leaving them both breathless. 

John laid back into the bed with a flop, Dani’s head resting on his chest as she slid out with a wet plop. “Ya know doll….” John sighed, furrowing his brow. “I’ll support ye in anything ya wanna do. I’ll always be here to love ya….” But the Ursid grimaced. “I dunno about not having our nightly chocolate tho, I dunno if I can handle such a ting…” Dani’s face was all a glow as she spoke, expressing that feeling her body age and feeling the difference in her body was difficult. John found Dani’s hand and kissed her wedding ring. “We’re going to go through these changes together, and when I can’t see my toes anymore you can laugh and I’ll poke fun at the fact yer boobs touch yer knees…” John laughed, deep from his gut as Dani’s offended response and the playful slap he earned himself. “But are ya okay Doll, honest?” She was okay, which made John’s shoulder’s drop with relief. “Good. Now how about I get ya cleaned up and we can sneak more of Joey’s cake. I think I worked up an appetite.~” 

[livlepretre]

I’m literally biting my nails raw thinking about how Klaus will react to the Elena and Stefan escalation… I realised we haven’t yet seen his reaction to them, only Rebekah’s which was surprisingly pleasant. Klaus lets his sister bring love and pleasure into Elena’s life, since he can’t, but what about throwing Stefan into the mix? He’s far too possessive of her to let her have any more lovers than she does when it’s not him. AGHHH it’s been haunting me since September Liv I can’t bear it

i keep forgetting i haven't posted that chapter yet because i wrote so much of that back in like december OOPS

hmmm pleasant is an interesting word to describe rebekah's reaction. i would also throw in 'defeated' and 'resigned' as possibilities. also 'lesser of two evils' because she sure as hell would prefer to share with stefan than with klaus.

interesting point that rebekah is getting a kind of free pass that klaus would likely not extend to anyone else. like, the fact that elena is allowed to have this love life outside of klaus is precisely because she fell in love with rebekah in particular-- it's not just that rebekah is mostly invulnerable to klaus and he's not willing to actually destroy his beloved sister so his hands are tied-- it's like, there is this weird little fantasy in klaus's head that elena and rebekah are happily in love and he won't intrude on that, because they are his two special dearests, but also because there is a convenience to tell himself that particular line when really he has more selfish reasons for letting it go.

you're right though that it's not quite the same with stefan. stefan isn't his favorite sister, a practical substitute for himself, but something else entirely. stefan is a different sort of monster, and worse, he has a history with elena that is totally it's own thing and competes for elena's attention and heart more than her love with rebekah can quite manage. maybe, deep down, klaus is even aware that stefan is his great rival in the end. maybe.

[scoonsalicious]

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS CHAPTER🩷🩷

Pocket is QUEEN and pookie u r MAJESTIC!! I absolutely love this chapter. The friendship between Pocket and Sam, Tony’s concern, Buckerina and Stevenson ‘toxic masculinity’ fight😂 Man, i would love to see them beat the shit out of each other bcs both of them deserves it. Plus, POCKETS NEW APPEARANCE?!!

I have to ask… do you have a picture of Pocket’s hair right now? I NEED IT😭😫. Cherry Pie fits Pocket so much. A combination of cute and sexy😏 I want her in a lingerie and make Buckdoodle suffer more….

It’s very satisfying to see how ‘desperate’ (is that even the word?😂) Bucket is. But seriously…. WHY R U SO STOOOPID BUCKYYY??😭😭 WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!!! WHY?!! How dare you call Pocket ‘your girl’ after everything that happened?🙄 You should be glad I’m not cutting your dick.

(bcs I forgive you, IM SORRY IM SUCH A SOFTIE FOR BUCKYYYY😭😂)

And Steve (thank god no sex😂 I would absolutely cry). I love the part that he’s trying to be a great friend (by not pouring/confessing his love out to Pocket that kind of shit and focus on talking about her relationship with Buckwheat). Pocket needs it………..

but i still don’t like Steve.

Honestly, i’m kind of scared for Pocket😥. One of the chapter is called Unprotected. It means either something will happen to Sam, leaving Pocket alone on the mission, or something happen to Pocket (she gets kidnapped and that kidnapper is fucking Jeremiah bcs there’s also a chapter called Unsurprising — making her spiral and shit or make it much more dramatic her EX? again over reacting)

Also, I have a feeling Buckaroo will insert himself into the mission and somehow one thing leads to another, and then the revelation (the stomach bug, Jeremiah, the *cough* sex in russia🤮). Lastly, maaaaaaybe a showdown between Bucket and Joseph? CHILLSSSS….

Just a thought but won’t it be fun if the whole team beats up Jojobean?😂

Anyways, as always…. I love you Pookie. I can’t wait for the new fic too (With Friend Like These) AGHHH!!! *kicking my feet, squealing* I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

😗❤️

Yay! I'm so happy you loved it! Pissed!Pocket is so much fun to write. Like, girl is take no prisoners; she's so over it. I like to imagine that Bucket and Steveoli's fight was very homoerotic (especially once Pocket poured that water on them, cause now they're all wet), and that they continued to punch the snot out of each other once Pocket and Sam left. So, for Pocket's new hair, I had this mental image in mind, and when I got your message, I went searching for something that encapsulated it. This was the closest I could find:

Bucket is definitely desperate rn. He's starting to really see that his actions are having very really consequences-- whenever he messed up before, Pocket was always willing to forgive him, and now, not only is she not forgiving him, she's not even speaking to him. It's throwing him (not that he doesn't deserve it or shouldn't have seen it coming, of course).

Steveoli was decent in his interaction with Pocket, but a lot of it was out of guilt. Would he have stopped it, himself? Who can say? Oh wait, me. I can say. No he would not have. He's not evil, but he's been selfish, and he's finally starting to see that here. I love hearing everyone's theories based on the chapter titles; they make me smile! Let's see... what can I say about Unprotected? It's got double meaning. Maybe triple meaning? UGH, too much possibility to give things away. And of course Bucket is going to insert himself into the mission somehow; come on! Gotta get those two crazy kids back in the same room together at some point! ;) And the showdowns are coming. It'll be like a Showcase Showdown up in here. Pookie loves you so much

[kitcheninaman]

okay he has my tumblr but idc if he sees it he sees it i need to talk to him about it anyway

its been like a month and a half since me and my ex broke up with me and thats like cool. yeah. ive been mostly okay past like the first week like yeah it sucks but its fine. weve still been talking and we're still really close which is something i probably shouldnt have let happen but also id miss him too bad if i asked for space. he said he didn't want things to change much between us and neither do i but i miss him anyway which like. lol. he absolutely does not know how i feel about this which probably makes it worse haha. anyway i started talking to and flirting with this guy a couple days ago which has been FANTASTIC but ive had to call it off because im 100% not over my fucking ex and its like. man. and now ive been thinking about it and i am still just so upset about it. his reasons for breaking up with me were totally reasonable and i dont blame him at all but goddamn if it hasnt been hurting. the way hes moved on as if nothing ever happened has made it feel like he never even liked me in the first place because i am hurting so bad but hes like??? fine??? and i know he did like me and he does like me but sometimes that's hard to believe and i just want what we used to have back. to be honest. i miss him. and i know its probably selfish of me to think that and it was a dumb 3 month long teen relationship but man im feeling so many emotions right now. aghhh

[mobolanz]

SISTERS FB WATCH: I can't believe you picked it up & I never back down from a wave fight

Awwwww :(

*she grips into the pillow* My anger issues....

Go get it back ... it's okay to be selfish... why is she not being selfishhhh.

Hiro coincidentally right after she says that : so selfish

AGHHH! (⁠┛⁠◉⁠Д⁠◉⁠)⁠┛⁠彡⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

For once I'm starting to agree with his anger! Turn him into a sheep and throw him!

Oh god NO. NOT YOUUU .

No shigure you should leave her locked thereeee

Why didn't you lock the damn doorrrr

She should just take the brat with her and leaveeee

....shigure? 😰

Are you sure this is the right anime...? That's the home of scary one right? Oh there she is.

They're so fucking annoying it's like a reverse of yandere simulator but so many against one girllll

SHUT UPPPPPP (⁠╬⁠☉⁠д⁠⊙⁠)⁠⊰⁠⊹ฺ

Tf are they touching her stuff for that's so rudeeee😐😐😐

Just put a curse on those girls already. Like idk they get out of the house and we see 3 frogs instead

Haaaaa xD

MAN THOSE FANGIRLS ARE SO STUPID! Just like those gang girls like broo they're obsessed!

[fangirlwithlou]

Baby sorry for like million reblogs haha

You looked so fragile, yet incredibly ethereal and soft and he couldn’t help but stare. It was impossible not to stare at something, someone that beautiful. To grow up that beautiful — he wondered what that was like as he sat there ogling at you. He pondered if he should let himself go there with you, if he could let himself feel the rush and the high of serotonin and dopamine that he clinically knew would be released if he was to allow himself to love again. Was he selfish for wanting to be happy? Was he chaos on two feet? Was he damnation on earth the way that he had convinced himself he was? What would become of you, if you were to love him? Would you wind up just like her? - like what is this babe!! If she is half as beautiful as the way you write she most be the most amazing girl in this universe ❣️ and rafes hurt in this, yes you deserve happiness, you both do 🥹

You questioned him, confused. Did he go through this, physically? Did this sweet, sweet man hurt the same way that you had? - sweet sweet man yes indeed. Not like she thinks but omg yes must be so hard seeing it again 😭 but they are destinet to be together I know it

“Don’t worry, he’ll get you better and forget you ever existed. He won’t give any of us nurses the time of day. Don’t get your hopes up. Besides – look at you.”  - where is this bitch bedside manner? Just because he wount give you the time bc of your ugly personality 😌

“You know, maybe Rafe hasn’t given you the time of day because your personality fucking sucks, just a thought.” - hahaha we are one and the same she and I (maybe this means I will get my rafe please, hopelessly single here)

“Can’t do it anymore, can’t keep getting fixed. I’m not a stuffed animal that you can just keep sewing back up until all the stuffing has fallen out.” - aww the analogy I am sobbing poor girl 😭 that fucking bitch did not just do that to she should be fired and they should take her nursing license.

He whispers, continuing to rub soothing circles into your hair, letting you cuddle deeper into him and for the first time Rafe had felt warmth in someone that wasn’t Molly. He had felt warmth and goodness and it wasn’t from her and it simply scared him half to death - aghhh them omg I love them I need them, they are everything.

That was a lot baby, but as always thank you for your service, I love you and your mind and soul, you are amazing ❤️❤️

blue eyes + bruises - part five

✯ pairing:

doctor!rafe cameron x fem!reader

✯ summary:

a tragic car accident looks like it'll be the end for you, but dr. cameron is here to make sure that doesn't happen.

✯ warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, and fear, car accident, death of a spouse (not rafe or y/n), major surgery, injuries, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity back in 2021/2022 and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) the next chapter i spent literally so much time on and i can't wait to share it!!!!

—

Running. Rafe had always been inherently good at running. It was noticed for the first time in middle school by the track and field coach when he outran a bully. The talent was nurtured and he went on to be a track star in high school and college. It was a good skill for a surgeon to have in the midst of an emergency, the ability to run with dexterity and endurance and speed. At least that’s what Molly had convinced him of so she could ogle at his muscular thighs and chest at every track meet. God, did he miss her. The one thing he never thought he would have to run to is his girl, his wife, his molly, as she was wheeled into the emergency room. The words of the surgeon on her case played over and over in Rafe’s head – no matter where he was or what he was doing – the flashback of that night, of those words in that setting – about his wife – it was all too much, no matter how long she had been gone. 

“Rafe, I’m so sorry. We did everything we could.” 

Dr. Charles Richardson looked his colleague, his friend, in the eye with a somber gaze. It felt to Rafe like the look of someone after they had spent an entire afternoon reading Edgar Allen Poe. The look in Charles’ eye made him angry. It wasn’t because of the circumstances, it was because he knew what the look meant – it meant his wife was gone. It meant Charles was looking at him the way he looks at a patient’s family and Rafe, while he was her family, he knew the speech, he knew the words, he knew this world. He knew it was all bullshit.

“Don’t bullshit me, Charles. If my wife is dead, tell me she’s dead.”  

He growled. 

“I’m sorry, Rafe.” 

“You keep saying you’re sorry – say the fucking words. I need to hear you say the words. Not ‘I did everything I could’, not ‘I'm so sorry.’ You say the fucking words you coward.” 

“She’s gone, buddy. She’s gone.” 

—

Rafe was jolted out of his thoughts, out of the memory he had been encapsulated in for the last two years as you stirred awake. He sat there watching you, the steady rise and fall of your chest doing little to comfort him, though he knew it meant you were alive. His eyes moved from your sweet face to your leg that he had previously operated on, a black hinged brace lined it where it sat elevated against three pillows in an attempt to keep the swelling minimal. You looked so fragile, yet incredibly ethereal and soft and he couldn’t help but stare. It was impossible not to stare at something, someone that beautiful. To grow up that beautiful — he wondered what that was like as he sat there ogling at you. He pondered if he should let himself go there with you, if he could let himself feel the rush and the high of serotonin and dopamine that he clinically knew would be released if he was to allow himself to love again. Was he selfish for wanting to be happy? Was he chaos on two feet? Was he damnation on earth the way that he had convinced himself he was? What would become of you, if you were to love him? Would you wind up just like her? 

He forced his overactive brain to stop spinning once he noticed your eyes were open and he brushed his fingers against your forehead. 

“Hey, sweet girl. Welcome back.” 

He cooed, his fingers running up and down the bridge of your nose and across your eyebrows in the shape of a “T”. 

“Hi.” 

You croaked out, throat dry and begging for a source of water. Rafe obliged, rising to his feet as his brain recognized your desperation, hearing the desert within your windpipe and bringing the water up to your lips with a straw. 

“Suck slowly, okay?” 

He instructed, running his fingers through your hair slowly and you followed his directions. 

“How’s the pain?” 

He questioned with a softness that you were convinced was less about him being a good doctor and more about him just being who he was – just being a good person. 

“Like a five maybe. You’re still here?” 

You lied, not wanting to see the life leave his blue eyes when you told him otherwise. 

“That’s good. Yeah, I just wanted to sit with you for a while. Is that okay?” 

He smiled softly, questioning you.

“Of course it is. Can I go back to sleep? I mean, will you be here when I wake up if I do?” 

You questioned, a curiosity looming in your features, unsure why you would’ve stayed up if it meant more time with him.

“Absolutely, sweet girl. I’ll always be here.” 

He smiled, sitting next to you, rubbing soothing circles into the top of your head as you drifted off to sleep. You weren’t sure what it was, but you knew that he was telling the truth, that somehow he’d always be around.

—

You looked up at Rafe as he moved around you, fluffing the pillows behind your head, you sat at an incline in the bed again, trying desperately to reach the tv remote that sat on the table beside you. He had been talking – asking you questions about your day, as if you had done anything except lay here, again. But, all you could think about is the fact that your favorite movie was coming on tv in less than thirty minutes and it was a simple pleasure you were going to indulge yourself in. You shut your eyes tight, squeezing them against your eyelashes with the force of a thousand suns. Rafe must’ve noticed the pained expression on your face because before you could even ride out the wave of discomfort, he had the remote in his hands and he was kneeling in front of you, squatting on the balls of his feet.

“Hey, sweet girl, can you look at me?” 

He asked kindly and when the torment had subsided enough you blinked your eyes open, his piercing blue ones staring back into yours. 

“What is it, from 1-10? and don’t bullshit me this time.” 

His voice was soft but stern and you knew he meant business. 

“It’s a nine.” 

You said, grunting exasperatedly, frustrated and tired and sick – of – this. 

“Shit – sweetheart you can’t let it get that bad before you tell me and why are you putting yourself in more pain by reaching for this? You could’ve asked me, I’m right here.” 

He blurted out his questions in a brash way, waving the remote control in the air.

“My favorite movie is coming on, I just –, sorry, I’m just –” 

A whimper escaped your lips as you stuttered and Rafe moved toward you again, bringing your chin in between his thumb and pointer finger, tilting your head up towards him as he took in the tears that lined your eyes. His heart broke at the sight. 

“Hey – I know, sweetheart. You don’t have to be sorry, I know you’re frustrated.” 

“How do you know how I feel?” 

You questioned him with a hint of attitude. In your mind, it didn’t matter how many people he had operated on with your same injuries, he hadn’t lived it and because of that fact, he didn’t understand. 

“Let me guess, you’re frustrated, annoyed, tired, sad and really wanting a shower?” 

He asked you with a light chuckle, smiling the Rafe Cameron smile as you looked up at him with bewildered eyes. 

“How could you possibly know any of that?” 

You questioned him, confused. Did he go through this, physically? Did this sweet, sweet man hurt the same way that you had?

“Because I’ve been where you are.” 

He stated very matter-of-factly and you were confused.

“You cracked your bones in a million places, too?” 

Had he been through this, too?

“No, but I’ve been in a situation that was eerily similar.” 

You were silent at his declaration, wondering what situation he was referring to. 

“I can’t do much for you about a shower, it’s only been three days since your surgery and with you in this much pain, I don’t want you up and moving. But I can have Jenni give you a sponge bath. Would you be up for that?” 

“Yes, please. That would – be amazing.” 

He nodded and gave you the Rafe Cameron smile again, leaning in and placing a kiss on your forehead. Jenni and another nurse stepped into the room with everything they needed, setting up a bucket of water, some hypoallergenic soap and a sponge on the rolling table that each hospital room came with. Once they had everything set up, Rafe stepped out, being the gentleman he was, he wanted you to have privacy and he definitely didn’t want the first time he saw you naked to be in a hospital bed. 

“He’s quite dreamy, isn’t he?” 

A nurse that stood beside Jenni spoke into the air and your breath faltered. Were you that obvious? If this blonde bimbo picked up it – he probably did too. How fucking embarassing. Rafe had left the room only moments ago with a promise to come check on you shortly, but you so desperately wished he would save you from this woman as she stood in front of you preparing to strip you bare and see the most intimate parts of you, though it felt like she already had. 

“He’s very nice to me.” 

You stated, nodding with a soft smile though your tone was a bit curt. Jenni’s pager went off, signaling another emergency in the hall. 

“Shit – I'll be right back.” 

She muttered, running out of the room in a hurried fashion. The other nurse, who’s name you couldn’t bring yourself to remember, looked at the door as Jenni exited through the threshold – you were sure your recollection, or lack thereof, had more to do with the meds and less to do with her and the shitty vibe she gave off. She worked diligently, pulling down the hospital gown, noting the stitches that lined your chest as she drug the sponge gently over your soft skin. 

“Don’t worry, he’ll get you better and forget you ever existed. He won’t give any of us nurses the time of day. Don’t get your hopes up. Besides – look at you.” 

She replied, rolling her eyes as the words left her mouth. ‘What a bitter bitch’, you thought. You bit your tongue for only a moment before deciding to fully send it – there was nothing she could do to you – you were already bedridden, recovering from surgery and would be for the next few months – there was nothing she could do to you. 

“You know, maybe Rafe hasn’t given you the time of day because your personality fucking sucks, just a thought.” 

You spoke nonchalantly and before she could respond, she laid down the sponge she was using to bathe you with on top of your chest, took off her gloves and dug her long, manicured finger into the incision site Rafe had just stitched up on your hip. Your yelp was so loud Rafe heard it from the hallway, where he stood at the nurse’s station, finishing off your surgical notes. Suddenly, the hammering in his chest overtook him and he rushed into your room to see if you were experiencing post-operative pain or if something else was wrong. What he never expected to see was a nurse, finger deep into a surgical incision and you – your sweet face with tears cascading down it as your eyes pleaded for him. 

“What the fuck are you doing to her?!” 

He growled, rushing to your side, pushing her to the side and grabbing gauze off the table next to your bed, immediately holding it to your hip to stop the bleeding. 

“I know, baby – I know it hurts. I’m sorry, I’m gonna fix it, okay?” 

He pulled the gauze away from your hip and Jenni rushed into the room, taking in the sight of your stitches that were fresh and clean and showing signs of healing only minutes ago and were now torn and bloody and frayed like the pages of an old book. 

“What the fuck happened, Rafe?” 

Jenni all but squealed, rummaging through drawers searching for more gauze and a suture kit. 

“F-f-fingers –” 

You choked out, crocodile tears rolling down your bright pink cheeks as your fists clenched the sheets beside you. 

“Sweet girl, we’re gonna fix it, okay?” 

“No, R-rafe!” 

“What do you mean, no, sweetheart? Talk to me.” 

“Can’t do it anymore, can’t keep getting fixed. I’m not a stuffed animal that you can just keep sewing back up until all the stuffing has fallen out.” 

He cooed, brushing the hair away from your forehead. 

“I know, baby – I know you’re tired. But, if we don’t fix it you’ll get an infection and you’ll get sick okay? We have to fix it, sweet girl.” 

You reluctantly nodded, letting him work, continuing to wail as each stitch was placed into your hip again, the skin irritated and sore and only adding to the discomfort that raked through your entire body. It was almost like Rafe knew when your breaths picked up and the weight of your new reality had fallen on your chest because he started asking questions – questions that you hadn’t answered – questions that no one had bothered to ask you in years. 

“So, what did you do before – I mean, I can only assume you don’t frequent hospitals very often? Unless you’re one of those crazy people. Are you one of those crazy people?” 

You threw your hand up to your mouth and let out a giggle. 

“You’re cute when you ramble, Rafe.” 

His lips turned up into a smirk. Your pain filled haze had you simply not caring about flirting with the man in front of you.

“Oh, so you think I’m cute?” 

He questioned, eyebrows furrowed, laughing as he checked the fluids that hung behind your bed. Your face was red, realizing what you had previously said to him once his words had reached your ears. You wished the bed you laid in would swallow you whole, scared to look this beautiful man in the eye and face rejection. There’s no way the feeling is reciprocated. 

“I mean, yeah. You’re an attractive guy, you’ve gotta know that.”

You stuttered out awkwardly and he simply giggled at the way you were shrinking into yourself, embarrassed at the compliment you had given him.

“Sweetheart, don’t be embarrassed. It’s okay, I’m flattered.” 

He smiled – the Rafe Cameron smile – rubbing circles into your hand as you took in the words that left his lips. 

He’s flattered. That’s what you say when you’re trying to let someone down easily. He doesn’t reciprocate and how could he? Just look at you. 

The assault on your heart at the mercy of your brain was interrupted quickly by Rafe’s voice again. 

“So, what did you do before? For work, I mean. You never answered my question.” 

“Okay, nosey. I’m – well – I was a high school English teacher.” 

You replied, with a sad smile. 

“What made you want to teach?” 

He asked, interested in everything that involved you.

“My younger sister, Ella has special needs and she wasn’t always treated fairly in the classroom; so I just wanted to make sure no child ever experienced that again.” 

“You know what that tells me?” 

He asked, a sly smile dancing across his face.

“What?” 

You wondered out loud.

“It tells me that you’re sweet and a good person and that you could’ve never deserved for this to happen.” 

“Thank you, Rafe –” 

He looked at you as tears fell down your face.

“Sweetheart, what can I do?” 

You didn’t answer him and your breaths only seem to quicken by the second and before Rafe could even think, he had kicked off his shoes and climbed in the bed with you, wrapping his arms around you tightly, one hand draping across your waist and one around the back of your head, pooling your hair in his hands. 

“Shh. It’s okay, baby. I’m so sorry.” 

He cooed. 

“I-I’m never gonna b-be the same am I? I-I’ll n-never b-be able to teach again.” 

You whimpered, crying into his chest. 

“Hey, sweet girl, don’t say that. I’m gonna do everything in my power to make sure you teach again, okay? I won’t let anyone take that away from you, ever.” 

His voice was soft and tender, afraid the wrong octave might rip you in half and you’d cease to exist right then and there. 

“Do you understand? I won’t let that happen.” 

This time he spoke with more force and you nodded your head reluctantly, unsure if you really believed him or not. 

“Tell me something to make me forget, Rafe – What made you want to become a doctor?” 

You questioned and he was uncomfortable, but the pleading look in your eyes made him answer anyway.

“It’s not a story full of glory, sweetheart. How about I tell you a better one, huh? How’s that sound?” 

He questioned, his hands working against your scalp like his life depended on it. 

“That sounds good.” 

You replied, somberly, wondering what kind of hurt this beautiful, sweet human being had experienced to make him so closed off about his own life. 

“Well – once upon a time, there was this doctor and he was a real asshole until this pretty girl walked into the hospital he worked at.” 

“What did she look like?” 

You questioned with curiosity-stricken features. He smiled at you, how he was the only one who got to see you like this. He couldn’t help but feel honored. 

“I think she looked a lot like you, sweetheart.” 

Your breath is caught in your throat at the fact that those words were coming from him. His hand motions continue against your scalp as you listen to his words, the euphoria that’s felt from the action is something you aren’t sure you’ve ever felt in your entire life. 

“I’m glad I found you, Rafe.” 

You mutter sleepily, listening to him continue the details of the stranger's beauty, who in his words, looked similar to you, before you promptly fell asleep.

“And I’m glad I found you, angel.” 

He whispers, continuing to rub soothing circles into your hair, letting you cuddle deeper into him and for the first time Rafe had felt warmth in someone that wasn’t Molly. He had felt warmth and goodness and it wasn’t from her and it simply scared him half to death. 

—

taglist:

as always, if you'd like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please shoot me an ask or comment on this post so i can keep track <3

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[creepy-crowleys]

If Vile doesn’t end up going to seep, I might. I feel like I’ve been on the phone and emailing and texting nonstop for the last few days.

I think I’d like to not be in charge of trying to organize things for a bit, haha…

[sidebaxolotl]

Bbestie brought up the fact that we might not live together next year and im like shut the frick up🔪🔪🔪🔪

[noisynaia]

Aww, I’m so glad you liked it! 💕 I've been craving some nice fluff myself, and I haven't written in so long, so you have no idea how happy I was getting your prompts! And I just had to add in some nerdy Marcus, it just felt right haha.

And aghhh!! I hope you finish that fic sometime, both for your own fulfillment and for the very selfish reason that I would absolutely LOVE to read it! 🩷🩷

𝑨 𝑯𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑹𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒖𝒆

pairing: Marcus Pike x f!reader 

word count: 3.0k 

note: Fluff. Drinking. Colleagues to lovers. Mutual pining. Written for the lovely @pedrostories Secret Santa event ♥︎ My gift is for @always-andromeda , I hope you like it! It was so lovely to get to write for this blog again, and so exciting to share my first fic in a year and my first ever Marcus story! Thank you so much for the prompts, I tried to mix them both together, but it ended up dividing a bit from that first plan and turn into something else ♥︎

(This is the first fic i've written in a year and english isn't my native langue, so apoligies for any possible mistakes ♥︎)

The air hangs thick with the scent of pine needles and something suspiciously like cheap eggnog. The office is decked out in holiday cheer. Tinsel glints off the overly-enthusiastic Christmas decorations strung across the office, a jarring contrast to the usually austere environment. Twinkling lights are adorning the walls, and a massive tree stands proudly in the corner, its ornaments shimmering softly under the warm glow. Laughter fills the air as colleagues mingle, while festive music is playing in the background. It is the annual holiday party at the precinct, and the atmosphere is filled with a sense of camaraderie and celebration. 

You are standing near the refreshment table, a glass of spiced wine in your hand, watching the cheerful chaos unfold before you. Your gaze drifts across the room, landing on Marcus, who is in the midst of animatedly chatting with a group of detectives, his smile infectious, and his laughter like music to your ears. You have harbored a crush on him since the day he started at the precinct, and tonight, with him looking so dashing under the twinkling lights, that crush feels more potent than ever. 

Just as you’re lost in your daydream of Marcus’s charming smile, the sound of a familiar voice cuts through the festive din. It’s Harold, the department’s oldest and most verbose agent, and he’s making a beeline for you. “Ah, there you are! I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the new policies coming in next year,” he begins, his voice booming over the festive music. His passion for regulations is palpable, and his eyes light up as he launches into a detailed explanation of compliance protocols, the words spilling out like a torrent as you nod politely.

You try to interject, to steer the conversation towards lighter topics, but Harold is in full flow, oblivious to your subtle attempts at diversion. He recounts every last detail, his hands animatedly gesturing, as you mentally calculate the number of holiday cookies you could have consumed instead of standing here. You definitely need another drink to endure this conversation. 

As Harold continues his monologue, you glance over at Marcus again, still engrossed in his chat with the detectives, the laughter radiating from their group like a beacon. A small pang of envy hits you; how easy it seems for him to connect with others, while you’re trapped in this policy discussion. But just then his head turns and your eyes lock across the room.   

Time seems to slow as you feel the warmth of his gaze wash over you, momentarily breaking through the haze of Harold’s relentless chatter. Marcus’s smile broadens, a genuine connection sparking between you like the twinkling lights around the room. He raises his glass in a playful toast, and for a heartbeat, it feels as if the chaotic buzz of the party fades away, leaving only the two of you in that shared moment. 

You lift your own glass in response, the spiced wine glinting in the soft light as you return his toast. The world around you blurs as you focus solely on Marcus, your heart racing with excitement and a hint of nervousness. His gaze is warm and inviting, making you feel as though you’re the only one in the room. 

You smile back at him, but not as broad as his. He seems to notice, raising a brow in a silent question. Just then, Harold’s voice breaks through the enchantment, his monologue picking up speed as he transitions to the next policy. You catch snippets about “streamlining processes” and “regulatory compliance,” but your thoughts are elsewhere. You can’t help but steal another glance at Marcus, who is still looking your way, seemingly unbothered by the raucous laughter surrounding him. 

You let out a little sigh, which Harold doesn’t seem to even register, as you try to focus enough on the conversation to hum along at the right times and ad and “oh, really,” at the appropriate time. But you can’t help but look over in the direction of Marcus again. You heal how your heart softly flutters in your chest as you watch him make his way through the crowd in your direction. 

“Hey there!” Marcus calls out, his voice cutting through the festive noise with a warmth that sends a thrill through you. He stops just in front of you, his gaze shifting from you to Harold and then back to you. a gentle smile lingering on his face.

“Hey,” you say back, your voice a mix of surprise and excitement, momentarily forgetting all about Harold’s policy monologue. You’re suddenly aware of how the spiced wine feels warm in your hand, and how the alcohol is warming you up from the inside. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Marcus asks, his tone light and polite as he glances at Harold, who immediately seems to deflate under the charming weight of Marcus’s presence.

“Oh, not at all!” Harold replies. “Just discussing the new compliance protocols for next year. Absolutely riveting stuff, I assure you.” 

“Oh, I can imagine. You must tell me about them after the holidays,” Marcus says, his smile is easy, and the way he leans casually against the table makes your heart skip a beat as he turns to you again. “I’ve been meaning to talk with you all night. I need to ask you about something for the report on the Sollery case.”

You can’t help but smile. There is no Sollery case, but you’re not about to correct him. Instead you play along, immensely grateful for Marcus’ graceful way of saving you from Harold’s relentless monologue. “Of course,” you reply, your heart racing as you revel in the attention. The warmth of the spiced wine seems to spread throughout your body, mingling with the butterflies flitting around in your stomach.

You say a polite goodbye to Harold before he can dive back into another detailed explanation of compliance, the relief washing over you as you follow Marcus to a quieter corner in the other end of the room. The festive music swells around you, but it feels like a distant hum compared to the electricity crackling between you and Marcus.

“So, what do you need to know about the ‘Sollery case’?” you ask, a teasing lilt to your voice, eager to maintain the playful banter. 

He chuckles softly, his brown eyes shining as he looks at you, a slight flush is dusting his cheeks, from the alcohol you assume. He looks adorable. 

“You looked like you needed a rescue,” he replies, his voice low and conspiratorial, “and I just couldn’t let you endure another second of Harold’s riveting lecture on compliance protocols. I mean, I love the guy, but sometimes it feels like listening to paint dry.”

You let out a genuine laugh, the sound buoyed by the atmosphere around you. “You have no idea how grateful I am. I was convinced I’d have to start counting the decorations on the tree just to stay awake.”

Marcus grins, a hint of mischief dancing in his eyes. “Well, I’m glad I could save you. I can’t let our brightest officer fall asleep at the Christmas party. That would be a tragedy.” 

He nudges you playfully with his elbow, and you feel your heart race at the light touch.

“And uhm, speaking of saving,” he continues, his expression turning slightly more serious but still warm, the flush on his cheeks  darkening just the slightest. “I was wondering if you’d like to come over to my place after this? I have a bottle of whiskey that I think we could both use after the year we’ve had.”

Your breath catches for a moment, the invitation hanging in the air between you like the lighted ornaments strung above your heads. “Whiskey?” you ask, feigning nonchalance while your heart races with excitement. “What kind?”

“Only the best,” he replies, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. “I promise it’s not eggnog.”

You laugh, feeling the tension ease slightly. There’s something about the way he looks at you, something that makes you feel seen in a way that you haven’t before. “Well, I do like whiskey,” you say, your voice teasing. 

“Great,” he says, his smile broadening, and you can’t help but feel a swell of happiness at his invitation. This is more than just a drink; it feels like a chance to finally connect with him outside of work, away from the watchful eyes of colleagues.

You take a sip of your spiced wine, trying to calm the excitement bubbling within you. You stay at the party for a bit, chatting and laughing with your colleagues together with Marcus, the warmth of his presence enveloping you like a cozy blanket. After about an hour Marcus leans in a little. “Ready to get out of here?” 

You nod eagerly, a smile spreading across your face at the thought of leaving the crowded FBI office behind. “Absolutely,” you reply, your voice light with anticipation. The idea of spending time alone with Marcus makes your heart flutter, and you feel a rush of excitement as you both make your way towards the exit.

The cold december air hits you as you step outside, a stark contrast to the warmth of the office, but it’s refreshing. Marcus walks beside you, his presence comforting as you both navigate the snow-dusted sidewalk. The streetlights shimmer against the night sky. You make light conversation as you walk towards the metro station. 

The city is alive with holiday lights, casting a warm glow over the streets. You can’t help but steal glances at Marcus as you walk next to him, the way he moves with a casual confidence, his laughter still echoing in your ears. The anticipation of what the night holds has your heart racing, a mix of nerves and excitement simmering just beneath the surface.

As you approach the metro station, the atmosphere shifts slightly. The previous bustle of the office party has now faded  completely into the background of your mind, and the intimate setting with just you and Marcus now feels charged with a new energy. You both descend the steps to the platform, the sound of your footsteps echoing off the concrete walls.

“So,” Marcus begins, his tone light, “how are you spending your holiday season this year?”

You chuckle, leaning against the cool metal railing. “Alone,” you admit with a playful shrug, trying to keep the mood light. “Just me, some takeout, and a few too many holiday movies. The usual.”

Marcus raises an eyebrow, a hint of disbelief mixed with amusement playing on his lips. “Alone? What about family or friends?”

“I mean, I have family, but they’re several states away, and I’d rather not deal with the holiday chaos,” you reply, a hint of defensiveness slipping into your tone. “Plus, my couch and a good movie sound pretty appealing right now.”

“Fair enough,” he says, his expression softening. “I’m spending Christmas alone too this year—just me and a stack of books I’ve been meaning to tackle.” He chuckles, a genuine warmth in his eyes. “I guess we’re both in the same boat, huh?”

“You’re not going back to Texas over the break?”

“Nah, I decided to stay here this year. I love my family, and it would be nice to see them, but a lot happened back home before I transferred. Kind of left there heartbroken and I’m not sure I’m ready to go back just yet, even though I’m mostly over it,” he replies, glancing at you with a slightly embarrassed smile.

You nod in understanding, the weight of his words resonating with you. You open your mouth, you want to say something, even though you’re not even sure about what to say, but then the train arrives with a rush of wind and a clatter of metal on metal. You both step back, momentarily distracted by its arrival. As it slows to a halt, the doors slide open.

Marcus gestures for you to enter first, and you can’t help but notice the way he stands just a little closer than necessary, the warmth of his body radiating towards you. You step into the metro car and find a place to settle in, the metallic seats cool against your skin. Marcus sits beside you, his shoulder brushing against yours, sending a thrill of excitement through you.

As the train starts moving, the rhythmic clattering of the tracks fills the silence, and you glance sideways at Marcus. He’s looking out the window, the lights reflecting in his eyes, and for a moment, you just take him in. There’s something undeniably comforting about being with him, an ease that feels almost electric.

“Is it your first time spending Christmas alone?” you ask, breaking the comfortable silence, your voice soft. “It’s my first time, my first time spending the whole holiday alone…  I’m starting to worry it might be a bit lonely.”

He turns his gaze back to you, his expression thoughtful. “Yeah, it is my first time, but it’s just a few days, right? I think it might be good though, to have some time to regroup. Plus,” he adds with a smirk, “I can’t wait to binge-watch whatever I want, I haven’t had time to watch a show in ages.”

You laugh, the sound bubbling up easily. “True! That’s a definite perk.”

“And, you know, if I’m lucky, I might even get to finish that book series I’ve been meaning to read,” he says, an excited, almost boyish, glint in his eyes.

“What series?” you ask, genuinely curious.

“It’s a fantasy series,” he replies, his enthusiasm infectious. “It’s about dragons and magic and all that good stuff. I know it sounds really nerdy, but it’s amazing!”

You can’t help but let out a little chuckle, hiding your mouth behind your glove covered hand. He really doesn’t have any idea about how adorable he is, and it warms your heart. “Of course, you’re a fantasy nerd,” you giggle, shaking your head gently.  

 Marcus feigns offense, his eyes widening in mock indignation. “I’ll have you know that fantasy is a very legitimate genre! It’s all about world-building, character development, and epic battles. Plus, who wouldn’t want to ride a dragon?” He leans in closer, a playful glint in his eyes, and you can’t help but lean in too, drawn by his enthusiasm.

“Okay, okay, you make a compelling argument,” you concede, laughter still dancing in your voice.

“Seriously, you should give it a try. I think you will like it actually.”

“I might just take you up on that,” you say, your heart racing with the idea of sharing something with him. “Maybe I’ll start it over the holidays,” you reply, smiling at him. “I could use some good escapism.”

He smiLes at you, but you don’t get to talk more about it. The train begins to slow as it approaches your stop, and Marcus shifts slightly, his arm brushing against yours again. You feel a warmth spreading through you, a sense of closeness that makes your heart flutter.

As the doors slide open, you both step out into the crisp night air. The walk to his place is short but filled with light-hearted banter and laughter.

Finally, you reach his townhouse. Unlocking the door, Marcus leads you inside, turning on the light of the hallway as he closes the door behind you. He takes your coat hanging it on the coat hanger while you take off your boots before showing you to the living room. The cozy setting, filled with soft light and comfy looking furniture, feels welcoming and familiar.

Marcus moves to the kitchen, and you take a moment to look around. The walls are lined with shelves filled with books, and a few framed pictures catch your eye—some of him with friends, others of family, and one of him as a kid with a goofy grin on his face.

“Make yourself at home,” he calls out from the other room, you can hear the clink of glasses.

You settle onto the plush couch, feeling a wave of contentment wash over you as you sink into the cushions. The warmth of the room envelops you, and you can’t help but smile softly as you take it all in. 

Moments later, he reappears with two glasses in hand, a bottle of whiskey perched under his arm. “I hope you like it neat,” he says, pouring a generous amount into each glass and handing one to you. “Cheers to a surprisingly delightful holiday evening.”

You clink your glass against his, the sound ringing with a sense of promise. “Cheers,” you echo, taking a sip. The rich, smooth flavor warms you from the inside out, and you savor the moment. “Thank you for having me, and thank you for saving me from Harold earlier.” 

Marcus chuckles, the sound warm and genuine. “Anytime. I’d take a night with you over compliance protocols any day,” he replies, leaning back against the couch, his glass resting comfortably in his hand.

“Ditto,” you smile in response. You watch him, the way his eyes light up when he talks, how he seems to genuinely enjoy your company. The atmosphere is relaxed, filled with the soft hum of distant holiday music coming from his speakers. The tension you felt earlier at the party has melted away, replaced by a sense of ease that envelops you both.

“You know…” Marcus’ expression changes as he leans forward to put his glass down on the coffee table. “I was thinking… Since you are spending the holiday alone, and I’m spending it alone, and you said you were scared that it might get lonely…” He takes a deep breath before continuing and you feel your heart fluttering in your chest as you realize where this is going. “Maybe... we could make it a little less lonely together?” His voice is soft yet hopeful, and you can see the sincerity in his brown eyes.

Your heart skips a beat at the suggestion. “That sounds nice.”

“It does?” 

“Yeah, it really does,” you respond, your voice steady despite the fluttering excitement beneath the surface. “I’d love to spend the holiday with you. It sounds… perfect, actually.”

A smile spreads across Marcus’s face, a mix of relief and joy that makes your heart swell. “Yeah, really perfect...”

Unbeknownst to the two of you, this would be the first of many, many holidays spent together.