fangirlwithlou

[fangirlwithlou]

Okay I loved this little series so much!! They are so cute and the happy ending was so good 🥹

And her and popes friendship was everything haha 😍

school spirit and all! - soccer!frat!rafe cameron (+18) - part iii (final)

warnings: angst; smut; word count: 6.3k (sorry)

what the fuck. 

as soon as the words left his mouth, you wondered how many hits to the head soccer players got each match, because there was no way in hell rafe cameron was in love with you.

suddenly hyperaware of your nakedness, you stood up, almost falling off his bed in the process.

in a frantic scramble, you reached for your clothes, tugging on your jersey inside out and hopping around on one foot trying to pull up your shorts.

"what's wrong with you?! we just had sex!"

rafe blinked, still dazed from your anything but innocent activities.

“uh, yeah, that's kind of when these feelings hit me.”

you paused, one leg in your levis shorts, the other still “bare”, and shot him a look. 

 "you don't just drop the l-word after sex! are you insane!" you managed to get your shorts up and fastened, albeit a bit crookedly, “jesus christ.”

“i didn’t mean to freak you out, it just came—"

“yeah, well, maybe lead with something less dramatic” you snorted, tugging your shirt the right way around. "i mean, who does that?"

he laughed, the sound rich and warm, and for a moment you were torn between being annoyed and charmed, “i’m sorry. i meant it tho.”

“no, you didn’t.” you shot back, rolling your eyes as you fumbled with your shoelaces.

“i did,” he insisted, his voice earnest, but you were too busy wrestling with your stubborn converse to look up.

“you don't even know me."

"course i do," he looked offended, like you insulted him, "your birthday is on october 8th, and your favorite color is blue. your favorite food is picanha and kimchi ramyeon. you do this thing when you're happy where you just speak really loud, all the time and when your favorite song comes on, which is all of them really, you always squeal—"

you think you lost at least three brain cells as you stood there, jaw dropped to the floor, listening to him list all the things he knew about you.

correctly.

"y’know what sherlock?” you said suddenly, standing up, finally fully dressed but still feeling exposed. “i need some air. a lot of it.”

“what?”

“i’m leaving.”

“wait—" you hear the sound of sheets ruffling, “wait a sec—dammit!”

you didn't look back as you hurried out of his room, the sounds of the frat party thumping from downstairs, music seeping through the walls. the hallway was packed with people, and you pushed your way through the crowd, your mind racing. oh my god. everyone was seeing you leave rafe cameron’s room in a hurry. there was no way in hell you’d have a peaceful week after this.

you were almost reaching the door when you felt a hand grab your upper arm. you turned around to see rafe, now dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, “can we talk about this?”

the music was deafening, forcing you to practically scream to be heard. “what part of 'too much' don’t you get?”

“why?” he asked, his voice barely cutting through the noise. “why does it have to be too much?”

“because it is!” you shouted, then softened your tone just enough to be less harsh, “just let it go.”

he let go of your arm, but his eyes stayed locked on yours. “’m not asking you to say it back, okay?”

you felt the weight of curious eyes on you. the partygoers’ stares only made you want to leave even more. desperation clawed at your chest.

rafe closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly, “did that really feel like only sex to you?”

you bit your lip, the regret hitting you immediately, but you couldn't stop now. you needed to get out.

“yeah.” you replied, even though your heart screamed at you to take it back.

he stepped back, letting go of your arm completely. “fine. go on then," he said, his tone flat and lifeless. “just go.”

“i’m sorry—" you started again, but rafe's expression hardened. he’d never looked at you like that and you hated every single second of it.

he stepped back further, creating a physical distance, as if to save himself the hurt, “leave.”

you didn’t have to be told twice, you wanted to be anywhere but there. you couldn't delete the image of his face when you rejected him from your brain. 

as soon as you were outisde, you pulled out your phone, and dialed pope's number. he picked up on the third ring, his voice laced with excitement.

"the dick was that bad? i could've sworn—”

tears were already threatening to fall as you tried to steady your voice. "pope, can you... can you pick me up?"

“huh?”

"i just... i need to get out of here," you managed, voice cracking as you wrapped an arm around yourself, feeling strangely exposed.

"shit. okay. i'll be there in ten minutes.”

you found a quiet spot near the edge of the campus, too embarrassed to sit outside rafe’s frathouse with so many people coming and going. leaning against a tree, you sank down, hugging your knees to your chest.

what the hell were you doing? had you just permanently ruined your friendship with rafe? let your little mommy issues get ahead of you?

when pope finally pulled up in his car, you climbed in wordlessly, unable to meet his eyes. 

“what did he do? you want me to punch him? cause y’know i’ll call jj and we—"

you leaned your head against the cool glass of the car window, “this was such a fucking bad idea.”

he glanced at you briefly before focusing back on the road, “what? why?”

“because.”

pope's brow furrowed in confusion. "what did he say?"

"that he loved me.”

“what the fuck?!" your body jolted forward, your heart racing from the sudden stop. the motherfucker accidentally slammed the brakes.

“pope, what the hell?”

“my bad, fuck,” he muttered, regaining control of the car and easing back onto the road, “he dropped that shit on you?”

“yeah.”

“okay, that’s kinda fucked, but—“ pope glanced at you again, concern etched on his face. “look, cameron might be a lot of things, but he’s not a liar. man, he’s the complete opposite if you ask me. too fucking honest for his own good.”

“he picked the worst time to be honest,” you muttered, wiping away a tear, “i literally had his dick in my hands!”

“dude!” pope faux-gagged, “i don’t need the details, jesus.”

“sorry,” you said, half-laughing through your tears. “it’s just... how can he love me? he doesn’t even know me! that’s what’s pissing me off the most.”

that was a lie.

pope sighed, shaking his head. “i don’t know, but it sounds like he’s really into you. you spent a lot of time together, right? maybe he knows you better than you think.”

he does.

“don’t get smart on me pope howard. i need your support right now, not this sentimentalist bullshit.”

pope chuckled, “you’ve got to talk to him. y’know that, right?”

you groaned, lifting the palms of your hands to your eyes, “why?”

“because you care about him, you dumbass. that’s fucking obvious.”

“stop making sense,” you mumbled, sighing heavily. “i need you to be angry with me, pope.”

he shook his head, a small smile playing at his lips. "i'm your best friend. my job is to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.”

you slumped further into your seat, “this is your fault anyway. you planted the stupid idea in my brain.”

“me? this is all you.”

your mouth dropped, “be fucking serious. you told me to sleep with him! for sports!”

“yeah, okay, i’ll take the blame but…”

“but?” you narrowed your eyes in warning, “but what?”

he shrugged innocently, “you never listened to me up to that point. i didn’t think you’d do it. that’s gotta mean something.”

“stop making me think,” you muttered under your breath, letting your head fall back against the seat. “i just want to forget this whole night happened.”

“maybe you just need some time to figure out how you feel.”

“i don’t feel anything,” you lied, staring out the window at the passing lights. “he’s just rafe cameron.”

pope sighed again, the kind of sigh that said he didn’t believe you for a second. “whatever you say."”

he dropped you off at your dorm, waiting until you were inside before driving away. you made your way to your room, collapsing onto your bed. why did you feel like such a terrible person?

you grabbed your phone and scrolled through your contacts, stopping at rafe’s name. your thumb hovered over the call button before you shook your head, tossing the phone aside.

you needed time. time to think, time to breathe, and time to figure out what the hell you wanted.

the next morning, you woke up with a headache and a sense of unease that settled deep in your chest. you dragged yourself out of bed. pope had texted you, a simple “hope you’re okay <3” that made you smile despite everything. you quickly replied, assuring him you were fine, even if you didn’t fully believe it.

you weren’t.

not when your first class of the day was with rafe. but you could do it.

you walked into class just in time, like you always did, only this time you were dreading the inevitable awkwardness of being sat next to rafe.

you hadn’t thought this through. he usually got here before you, real heavy on being on time for everything he did. you tried to keep your eyes locked on the professor, who was gathering the material for class, but you still took small peeks towards the door, expecting to see him stroll in at any given moment.

except he never did. as the lecture progressed, he never showed up. 

when the professor eventually asked about his whereabouts, kelce, his friend who sat a few rows behind you, raised his hand casually.

“rafe’s not feeling well today,” kelce spoke up, his tone nonchalant. he glanced over at you briefly, a knowing look in his eyes that made your stomach twist. 

oh great, so now you were the witch of the wicked west to all his friends. 

the professor nodded sympathetically. “alright, thank you for letting me know, kelce. make sure he gets the notes from today’s lecture.”

kelce nodded in acknowledgment, and the class moved on, but your mind was racing. rafe skipping class wasn’t like him. the timing felt deliberate, almost as if he was avoiding you after last night. 

as the lecture continued, you realized rafe wouldn’t be the only one needing notes. all you’d done for two hours was scramble down a few words, none of them making any sense. you struggled to focus on the material. every glance towards the door was met with disappointment.

maybe this was serious. maybe he hated you now.

after what felt like an eternity, the class finally ended. packing up your things, you hesitated before deciding to approach kelce, who lingered near his seat. you’d only spoken to him a handful of times, mainly when you and rafe studied back at the frat house.

kelce was nice. but the look he was giving you now, was anything but.

"hey, kelce," you began, trying to sound casual.

"hey," kelce replied cautiously, eyeing you up and down. 

you swallowed, suddenly feeling self-conscious under his scrutiny.

"um, is rafe okay? is he sick?”

he nodded slowly, his gaze unwavering, “the flu. got it last night."

"l-last night?” 

“yup.”

“oh.”

kelce's brows furrowed slightly, “look, i don’t know what happened. but, he’s…not doing okay.”

your stomach sank. it was clear rafe was avoiding you, and the guilt gnawed at you even more. "i just... i didn't mean to..."

kelce cut you off gently, his voice softening. "that’s none of my business.”

"yeah," you murmured, feeling utterly inadequate.

"he'll come around," kelce reassured you, though his tone lacked conviction.

you nodded dumbly, unsure of what else to say. part of you wanted to apologize again, but...you’d done nothing wrong. there was no need to explain yourself.

"thanks," you managed weakly, offering a half-hearted smile.

kelce nodded in response, his expression remaining neutral. with that, you turned and hurried out of the classroom, feeling the weight of kelce's gaze on your back. the hallways felt suffocating, with whispered conversations and curious glances that only amplified your discomfort. did everyone know? was there a journal column telling everyone who got laid last night? fucking hell.

back in your dorm room, you collapsed onto your bed, burying your face in your hands. this was worse than what you’d expected. you couldn't stop seeing the image of rafe's hurt expression, his quiet insistence that he meant what he said.

your phone buzzed beside you, and you hesitated before picking it up, sighing in realief when you saw it was a text from pope.

"baaaabeeee, how did it go?"

did he really want to know the mess you'd made of things?

after a moment's hesitation, you replied with a simple, "not great. think everyone hates me lol"

pope's response was almost immediate. “shit. you wanna to talk about it?"

you bit your lip, undecided between wanting to unload everything and wanting to bury it all deep down. in the end, you settled for a brief reply. “later."

that went on for a week and three days.

you avoided rafe’s usual hangouts, keeping your head down and focusing on your classes. you still hadn’t seen him, and it was starting to drive you crazy. you needed to talk to him, but you were scared. like, shitless scared, of what he’d say, scared of what you’d feel.

it was hours later when you finally saw him again. you were in the library, buried in your notes, the ones who’d stolen from pope because you hadn’t been able to focus properly in any class and you hated that you’d let a boy have so much control over your brain, let alone a jock.

when you looked up and saw him standing at the entrance. he looked a little too good. the typical shorts hitting just above his knees, a loose sleeveless shirt that showed off his muscles way too much for your sanity, and his hair peeking out from under a snapback. 

good enough to eat.

he spotted you almost immediately and then quickly turned his head to side, ignoring you. 

ouch. okay, fair enough all things considered.

your heart skipped a beat. it was now or never. for a moment, you considered hiding, but you knew you couldn’t avoid him forever. taking a deep breath, you stood up and made your way over to him.

“hey,” you said softly, your heart pounding in your chest, trying to sound as casual as possible.

rafe looked up for a second, then returned his attention to the phone in his hands, “hey.”

“can we talk?” you asked.

he shrugged, and it took everything in you not to punch him in the face. “sure.”

you swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. “sorry about the other night. i-i didn’t handle it well.”

he nodded, but his gaze remained on his phone, fingers typing away. “yeah, i get it.”

you frowned, sensing that something was off. he’d never ignored you before, he wasn’t even giving you the dignity of looking at you as you spoke to him. 

“are you okay?”

“fine,” he replied curtly.

before you could ask him what the fuck is problem was now, a girl approached, her smile bright, almost blinding you. she was ridiculously pretty, with long braided hair and sparkling brown eyes.

a literal doll.

she looked between you and rafe, “hi, are you ready to go?”

your heart sank as the girl slipped her arm around rafe’s arm and he finally put his stupid phone away and smiled down at her.

heavy on the ouch.

“yeah, let’s go,” rafe said, his voice softening, but then he turned to you, his expression blank again, “see you around.”

you stood there, watching them walk away feeling like a complete fucking idiot. like you were being pranked. what the hell was that? was he trying to make you jealous? or was he moving on that quickly? was there even something to move on from?

you returned to your seat, barely registering the world around you.

is that what he meant by telling you he loved you? you’ve been feeling bad over a boy who clearly only said what he said because you fucked him too good? wow.

you tried to focus on your notes, but your hands were trembling. without realizing it, you started tearing at the pages, ripping them apart. by the time you looked down, half of your notes were in shreds, scattered across the table.

“dammit,” you hissed under your breath. you gathered the torn pieces, stuffing them into your bag. there was no salvaging them now. 

with a frustrated sigh, you pulled out your phone and dialed pope’s number. 

“what’s up?”

“i need to get fucked up tonight.” you said bluntly, not bothering to hide the frustration you were feeling. 

“buy a guy a drink first?”

you could hear him snicker at his own joke, “shut up. are there any parties?”

“yeah, heard there's a big one at the delta house. everyone’s going.”

“okay. we’re going too.”

pope sighed, “i don’t remember signing up for this.”

“shut up and pick me up at 9.”

you decided that tonight was the night to go all out. no more hiding, no more feeling sorry for yourself. you rummaged through your closet, tossing aside clothes that were too plain, too boring, or just not the vibe you were going for. 

finally, you found it—the perfect outfit, and possibly the sluttiest thing you proudly owned.

you slipped into a sleek, black leather mini skirt that hugged your curves perfectly, hitting just the right spot on your thighs. you paired it with a cropped, red satin top that showed just enough skin to be daring but not over the top. the top had a deep v-neckline, accentuating your collarbones and drawing attention to the delicate gold necklace you wore. the outfit was completed with a pair of knee-high black boots, giving you an edge and adding a few extra inches to your height. you never wore them out, too worried that your feet would be killing you after a couple of minutes, but tonight, if you got drunk enough, you wouldn’t feel shit.

you looked at yourself in the mirror, adjusting the top and smoothing down the skirt. 

your makeup was bold, different from what you usually did—a smoky eye that made your eyes pop and a deep red lipstick that matched your top perfectly. you left your hair loose, allowing it to fall in soft waves. satisfied with your look, you grabbed a small clutch and headed out.

when pope arrived to pick you up, his jaw practically hit the floor. he stared at you, eyes wide, as you strutted towards the car.

“i'm sorry—are we going to a strip club or to a party?” he blurted out.

"are you slutshaming me?"

"no, but be real for a second."

you rolled your eyes, but a small smirk played on your lips. “don’t be dramatic. just wanted to look good.”

“look good?” pope repeated, still in disbelief, “sweets, you always look good, okay? but this? you look like you’re about to rip someone’s heart out.”

“good,” you replied, sliding into the passenger seat. “that’s the goal.”

he shook his head, muttering something under his breath about needing to keep an eye on you all night.

“you’re gonna tell me what happened?”

“nothing happened.”

“right.”

the delta house was already packed when you arrived, the music thumping so loud you could feel it in your chest. you walked in with pope by your side, determined to leave all your worries at the door.

“alright, let’s get some drinks,” pope clapped his hands, rubbing them together before leading you to the makeshift bar. you could feel eyes on you as you walked through the crowd, whispers and stares following your every step. you ignored them. 

so what if people knew you fucked rafe? that was your business, not theirs.

you grabbed a tequilla shot, downing it quickly and feeling the alcohol warm you up from the inside. pope handed you another, and you sipped it more slowly, trying to steady your nerves.

“easy. ‘m not holding your hair back if you throw up,” he warned, nudging you gently. “just relax and have fun. cleo’s joining later.”

“awwww, look at you being soft."

“shut up. don’t embarrass me in front of her."

you placed your hand over your heart, “i would never!”

the night wore on, the party growing louder. you danced, laughed, and mingled, trying to keep your mind off rafe and the mess you'd made of things. pope stuck by your side, and cleo, the girl of his dreams, joined you eventually, her energy infectious. 

you were happy he’d found someone. 

you were at the bar, grabbing another drink, when you saw rafe walk in.

your heart nearly dropped out of your ass, but you forced yourself to stay calm. he was with the same girl from the library and seeing them together made your stomach churn. he hadn't even noticed you yet, too busy talking to her.

"pope," you called, nudging him. "look who's here."

pope glanced over and sighed. "ignore him, please. we're here to have fun, remember?"

you nodded, drowning another shot, "right. fun."

it was easier said than done. every time you glanced their way, you wanted to storm up to him and punch him in that stupid perfect face. why did it bother you so much? he was just a guy. just rafe cameron. you downed another drink, hoping the alcohol would numb the emotions swirling inside you.

“goddamn mama, are you drinking yourself to death?”

jj’s presence barely phased you, “yes.”

“what’s got you so worked up?”

you groaned, not really in the mood for his antics. “nothing. just havin’ a good time.”

“yeah, right,” jj snorted, stealing your drink and taking a sip. “try again. this shit is 95% vodka by the way.”

you snatched it from his hands, “don’t drink my shit. don’t wanna talk about it.”

“alright,” he held up his hands in mock surrender, “dance with me then?”

“no.”

“pleaseee,” he begged, jutting out his bottom lip in a ridiculous pout, “c’mon.

despite your best efforts to stay frustrated, his infectious energy made you crack a smile. "fine, but just one song maybank."

jj whooped, “atta girl.”

he grabbed your hand with a mischievous grin and pulled you onto the crowded dance floor. you laughed as he twirled you around, his movements were surprisingly graceful. one time he made you faceplant the floor, so this was an improvement. 

his energy has always been infectious, jj was a literal golden retriever in human from and soon enough you found yourself letting go of all the worries that had been weighing you down. you moved in sync with him, your hips swaying, and your arms following the flow of the music. jj’s playful antics kept you entertained—he'd throw in a spin or a sudden dip, making you laugh even harder.

but then, he leaned in close, his voice barely audible over the music.

“guess who's watching?"

you raised an eyebrow, trying to catch your breath between giggles.

"who?"

jj nodded towards the edge of the dance floor, where rafe stood with a group of his friends. “my number one fan. been eyeing us since we started."

“uh,” you glanced in his direction, catching rafe’s gaze briefly before he looked away, “that’s weird.”

“i know you two fucked.”

your hand instantly reached out to shove jj’s shoulder, “shut up.”

“i'm serious. you’re gonna let him watch or show him what he's missing?"

on one hand, you were furious at rafe for bringing another girl to the party so soon after whatever had happened between you two. after telling you he was in love with you. sure you were a bitch after, but that didn’t mean you didn’t care for him. on the other hand, jj’s always made you go off the rails, in a way that stoked your pride. 

“fine,” you said with a defiant grin, “let’s give him a show.”

jj’s smirk widened, and without missing a beat, he spun you around and pulled you in closer, moving with even more enthusiasm than before. the music pounded around you, you couldn’t even tell the lyrics apart. every twirl, every dip, every sway of your hips was a message to rafe—whether he was watching or not—that you were done feeling sorry for yourself. as the song reached its peak, jj dipped you low, and you laughed breathlessly. you glanced towards where rafe had been standing, but he was gone.

then, without warning, from the corner of your eye, you saw a commotion erupting nearby. before you could react, the crowd around you began to murmur and part, revealing rafe. what the hell? what was this? a coming-of-age movie?

his usually friendly composed demeanor was gone, the glare in him was enough to scare anyone in his way. he stormed towards you, his eyes locked on jj. and then it clicked.

“oh for fuck's sake,” you groaned under your breath, knowing that nothing good would come out of it.

"hey, what the—" jj started, but before he could finish, rafe swung a punch at him.

yep, there it was. 

the blow caught jj off guard, knocking him back a step. the music seemed to stop, or at least fade into the background as chaos erupted around you. people gasped and shouted, some pulling rafe away while others checked on jj.

you pinched the bridge of your nose in annoyance as you watched jj touch his jaw gingerly. 

“what the fuck, cameron?” jj groaned, “watch the pretty face.”

rafe’s chest was heaving as he glared at the other blonde, fists typically clenched by his side, looking as if he was ready to pounce on him again. before he could take another step, you placed yourself in front of him, blocking jj’s figure sitting on the ground.

“upstairs. right now,” rafe opened his mouth to spit something, but you cut him off, “now.”

he moved silently, following you up a flight of stairs to a quieter area. you could hear his breathing from miles away, he was still worked up. you found an empty room and stepped inside, slamming the door shut behind you.

“what the hell was that?” you demanded, turning to face him.

rafe ran a hand through his face, frustration evident in his every movement. “i don’t know, okay? i just—i saw you with him, and i lost it.”

“oh, so you’re a caveman now?”

"god, you can be so fucking infuriating," rafe exploded, throwing his jacket into a corner of the room, "i saw you. touching him like... like none of this matters!"

"none of what matters?" you shot back, incredulous. "you show up with another girl after telling me you love me, and now i‘m not supposed to move on? what do you expect?"

"me?!" he jabbed a finger into his chest, his face flushed with anger. "that was my damn tutor! i wasn't trying to—shit. you think i'm trying to move on? i told you i loved you. that shit doesn’t just disappear because you don't feel the same way."

now you just felt stupid.

"your tutor?" you repeated, trying to wrap your head around the new information.

“we weren’t exactly on speaking terms and i needed help with calculus,” he muttered, “didn’t think you’d want to speak to me. and i was still sad.”

rafe shifted uncomfortably in his place, his expression now softer. you felt the sudden urge to hug him, but you didn’t. 

“you said you were supposed to move on,” he says carefully eyeing you.

“i did?” you lied, suddenly feeling like the room was closing in on you, “i don’t think so.”

“you did,” he said firmly, taking a step closer to you. "i meant what i said that night. did you?” 

you looked away for a moment, “rafe—“

“i don’t care if you don’t love me, you don’t have to, not right now. i just need to know if you think you can, one day.”

this wasn’t the rafe who punched jj, or the rafe who stormed through the crowd in a fit of jealousy. this was the rafe you were used to. 

your ears were ringing as he closed the distance between you. his eyes searching yours, desperate for an answer. the anger had melted away, replaced by a raw, aching need. fuck, he was good.

“listen—” you started again, but this time your voice was softer, trembling. he was so close now that you could feel the heat radiating off his body, his breath mingling with yours, “can you back up? jesus. can’t think properly with you close.”

“don’t want to back up,” he whispered, his voice low and rough. he didn’t move, instead leaning in even closer, his lips brushing your ear, “yes or no?”

“cameron,” you breathed, trying to maintain some semblance of control.

but he wasn’t having it.

his hand cupped your cheek, tilting your face up to meet his gaze. “tell me you don’t feel this,” he murmured, his thumb tracing your lower lip. “tell me you don’t want me too.”

he held your face by the jaw before leaning forward on instinct to kiss you but stopped himself right before he did. eyes on his lips now, completely entranced, you leaned forward to finish what he started but he was stopping you with his thumb. you stayed close though, gaze still fixated on his bottom lip and when his eyes flicker up to yours again, they’re wild and dark.

“you gonna make me fuck it out of you?”

you couldn’t deny the way your body reacted to him, the way your pulse quickened every time he was near, “and if i do?”

he didn't answer immediately, instead closing the gap between you in a heartbeat. his lips crashed against yours, his hand sliding from your jaw to your neck, wrapping his fingers around it as he squeezed you deliciously. 

all of a sudden, you were pressed against a wall, his body firm against yours, pinning you with his weight. he got a groan out of you, tilting your head as his grip tightened on your hips to keep you there, secured to him.

“this isn’t fair,” you pushed at his shoulder with your palm so that he pulled away to look at you, “you’re playing dirty.”

“so what?” he breathes out, jaw relaxed as his hips start to grind against yours.

your hand reached out to grab his shoulder for purchase when your hips started to move on their own, “oh fuck.”

rafe arched his hips sharply, teasing your clit, eliciting a gasp as you leaned your head against the wall, your chin tilting towards the ceiling. he kissed your neck, where sweat-dampened hair started to cling at your nape.

when did it get so hot in the stupid room?

“you’re—oh, gonna f-fuck me in a stranger’s room? real romantic,” you tried to sound casual, but it came out all wrong when his fingers pressed into the plush of your ass. 

he laughed against your skin, the sound making you tighten your legs around him. you were glad his hands were currently busy because a single touch between your thighs would expose how wet you were. 

“you can say it.”

your arms slided past his shoulders and loosely locked behind his neck, “no.”

rafe shook his head, “you asked for it.”

“rafe.”

he was poking his tongue to the inside of his cheek looking at you as if he was ready do destroy you whole, “told you i was gonna get it out of you.”

you blinked slowly, savoring the sight of his face, then your wrists, still crossed behind his neck, tugged gently, drawing him closer, craving his threat, “you’re gonna fuck me until i confess?

he lowered his head until his forehead met yours, your fingers could sense the rapid throb of his pulse beneath his jaw, his eyes tender, holding an adoration you never knew was possible. no one had ever looked at you that way. 

you pulled him by the fabric of his shirt, hard enough to make him understand he needed to do something. you moaned against his lips, fingers threading through his hair as he trailed kisses down your neck, sucking and biting gently at the sensitive skin.

your skirt rode up as he rutted into you, and his hand slipped under the fabric, fingers grazing the edge of your panties, teasingly close to where you ached for him most. you gasped, arching into his touch, silently begging for more.

“rafeee,” you whimpered, “please."

he pulled back slightly, his breath ragged, eyes dark with lust. “say it,” he demanded, his fingers tracing patterns on your inner thigh, driving you crazy with anticipation.

“no.” you managed to choke out, feeling a flush of heat spread through your body.

he raised a brow, “no?”

his fingers slipped beneath the thin fabric of your panties, finding you wet and ready. he groaned at the feel of you, his thumb circling your clit with just the right amount of pressure to make you moan his name. you clung to him, hips bucking against his hand, chasing the pleasure he was giving you.

“you sure?” he murmured against your skin, his voice husky and full of promise. 

you barely had time to think about changing your answer before he plunged two thick fingers inside you, curling them just right to hit that spot that made your vision blur. your back arched off the wall, your head falling back as waves of pleasure crashed over you. he pumped his fingers in and out of you, his thumb never leaving your clit, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

“rafe, i'm—” you couldn’t even finish the sentence, your body trembling as you felt the orgasm build, ready to spill over.

but then he was pulling back just as you were about to fall over the edge. it was maddening, the way he seemed to know exactly how to bring you right to the cusp of pleasure and then deny it. you’d only fucked once before, and it felt like he’d memorize every single thing you liked. every spot that made your toes curl. 

“please, let me—”

“you said no, baby” he interrupted, a mocking smile curling on his lips. “you’re not ready.”

his fingers moved with practiced precision, slow and deliberate, stoking the flames of your desire without allowing you any release. every time you felt the pleasure building to its peak, he’d ease off, bringing you back down, only to start all over again.

you clawed at his shoulders, trying to pull him closer, but he held you firm against the wall, his body a solid, unyielding barrier. “please,” you begged again, “i can’t take it.”

“oh, you can,” he scolded, lips brushing against your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “and you will.”

his thumb pressed against your clit, rubbing slow, torturous circles, while his fingers thrust inside you, curling just right to hit that spot that made you see stars. you bucked against his hand, your body pleading for release, but he kept you balanced on that knife’s edge, never letting you tip over. motherfucker.

“I need to come,” you admitted, your voice cracking with desperation. “please, baby. i need to come.”

rafe’s pretty blue eyes darkened with satisfaction at your words, but he still didn’t relent. 

instead, he slowed his movements even more, drawing out the pleasure until it was almost unbearable. you writhed against him, your body trembling, every nerve ending on fire.

“you want to come?” he asked, his voice a seductive purr, “that bad, huh?”

“t-this isn’t f-fair.”

“awww, sorry baby."

“fuck, fucking—"

“that’s my girl,” he murmured, his voice filled with approval. “just a lil more, yeah?”

he increased the pace of his fingers, his thumb rubbing faster against your clit, and you felt the pleasure building again, higher and higher, until you were sure you couldn’t take it anymore. but this time, he didn’t stop. this time, he pushed you right to the edge and then, finally, let you fall.

your orgasm crashed over like a train wreck, your body convulsing with the intensity of it. you screamed his name, your nails digging into his shoulders as you clung to him, riding out the waves of pleasure that seemed to go on forever. rafe held you through it, his fingers never stopping, drawing out every last bit of your release until you were a boneless, panting mess in his arms.

“good girl,” he murmured, his voice soft and filled with affection. 

he kissed you tenderly, his lips a gentle contrast to the intensity of what you’d just experienced. as you came down from your high, he held you close, his fingers still inside you, his thumb gently stroking your clit, sending aftershocks of pleasure through your body.

you couldn’t find the words to answer, your mind too foggy with pleasure. instead, you just held onto him, your arms wrapped around his neck, your face buried in the crook of his shoulder.

rafe’s fingers slowly withdrew from you, leaving you feeling empty and aching for more. he lifted you gently, carrying you to the bed and laying you down with his casual tenderness. he climbed in beside you, pulling you into his arms, his body warm and solid against yours.

“i love you,” his voice was a soft caress against your ear. “i meant it.”

you looked up at him, “i know,” you whispered, leaning in to kiss him, “i think i love you too.”

“i know.”

[fangirlwithlou]

AMAZING, may have binged the whole thing 😍 so so good!!!

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - EIGHT

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of pregnancy; abortion.

MASTERLIST

Topper prided himself in keeping out of people’s business.

He hadn’t noticed anything was off with you on his own, he wouldn’t have; he didn’t do the whole “emotional radar” thing.

But Rafe had practically cornered him, demanding he figure out what was going on with you.

You were his cousin, after all. 

That didn’t stop the way his stomach twisted from thinking about lying to you, or how every part of him had always silently rooted for you and Rafe. He’d loved seeing you two together. You were a mess most days, for years, sure, but it was the kind of mess that made sense in a way, and Topper couldn’t help but admire it.

You were like fire and gasoline.

But that was before the break-up, before everything got fucked.

Now, you were just… distant. He never knew how to approach you without feeling like he was crossing a line, but the way you’d passed out on Rafe at the beach had him worrying in a way that was more personal than he wanted to admit.

He wasn’t a thinker, not really, he liked simple things: good waves, cold beer, and not getting roped into drama.

But there he was, standing outside your door with Korean fried chicken. He didn’t do feelings, and he didn’t do heavy conversations. Rafe owed him big for this. The conversation had been good, even when you started talking about Sarah and Ruthie. 

Topper was all in—laughing along, throwing in a dumb joke here and there, the usual. It felt nice, like when you were kids, sneaking your dad’s beers and pretending you weren’t gonna get caught.

But then he had to go and ruin it by asking if you were okay.

You went all stiff, then weirdly far away, laughing it off like he’d just asked you to explain calculus or something. You mumbled something about being fine and then bolted to the bathroom before he could even follow up with his usual Topper-brand wisdom.

He sat there, feeling uncomfortable, which wasn’t a thing he usually did. You were acting off, and it was messing with him more than he wanted to admit.

Finally, he decided he needed to move, so he got up to grab some water. Except, as he walked past the counter, his hip caught a pile of your mail, and an envelope went sliding to the floor.

“Crap,” he muttered, crouching to grab it. It was just some random envelope, but there was a phone number written on the front in messy blue ink.

Topper didn’t think about it—because thinking wasn’t really his strong suit—he just whipped out his phone and typed it in. Curiosity, man. It got him every time.

He hit call. He wasn’t trying to snoop or anything. It was just one of those things you do on autopilot, right? Call a number just to see who answers? Except this time, someone did answer.

The phone rang. Once. Twice. Then:

“Women’s Health Center, how can I help you?”

His brain short-circuited, full-on panic mode. He stared at the phone like it had grown a second screen, then frantically hit the hang-up button just as the bathroom door creaked open.

You were back.

Topper, sweating for no reason, slapped the envelope back on the counter like it was about to explode and turned to you with a smile that definitely didn’t match his pounding heart.

He got out of there as soon as possible, as he drove to meet Rafe, the whole thing was still playing on a loop in his head. That phone number, the voice on the other end of the line, the way you’d acted when he’d asked if you were okay—he couldn’t stop trying to force the pieces into place.

Something was going on, he wasn't sure what, and he wasn’t exactly the guy you went to for deep insights, but he felt something was up.

When he pulled into Tanyhill, he spotted Rafe leaning against his truck, scrolling through his phone with that permanent scowl he seemed to have these days. He barely had the car in park before Rafe was pushing off the truck and heading his way.

He climbed out, doing his best to act normal—which, for him, meant cracking the same goofy grin he always did. His mind was still spinning with a dozen half-formed thoughts about that phone call, that clinic, and how the the fuck he might fit into all of it. 

The only thing he knew for sure was that Rafe knowing could be catastrophic. Like, meteor-hits-earth catastrophic.

“You gotta chill,” Topper said, slamming his car door shut and giving Rafe a once-over. “Why do you look like you’re about to punch somebody?”

Rafe just glared, shoving his phone in his pocket. “What’d you find out?”

He blinked, thrown by how fast he cut to the point. “Nice to see you, too. Second, what makes you think I found out anything?”

“Don’t fuck with me, Top. Did you figure it out or not?”

“Yeah, I figured it out,” Topper shot back, crossing his arms. “But why the hell did you make me go through all this work if you already know what’s going on?”

Rafe shrugged, leaning back against the truck like this was all just some casual conversation. “Didn’t think you’d actually get it, to be honest.”

“Bro, I’m not that stupid. How did you get to the bottom of this shit? I’m still confused as fuck over here.”

Rafe’s mouth twitched like he was deciding whether to smirk or yell, hesettled on neither. “She passed out on me, remember?”

“So?” Topper shot back, frowning. “I’ve seen you pass out for, like, way less.”

“It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t a hangover or heat stroke, it was different. And she’s been weird lately, avoiding everyone.” Rafe leaned back against his truck, arms crossed, talking fast. “The hospital did blood work.”

Topper, who’d been zoning out halfway through his little doctor act, suddenly perked up.

“Wow,” he mused, dragging the word out. “Okay. So, how’d you take the news? I mean, shit, you look pretty calm for once. Didn’t think that was in your wheelhouse."

Rafe frowned, his sharp blue eyes narrowing, the crease between his brows deepening like it always did when he thought someone was wasting his time. 

"The fuck are you talking about?”

Topper shrugged like this was totally normal. “I just expected you to, like…freak out or somethin'. Throw a punch, maybe.”

“Throw a punch about what?” Rafe snapped.

“About—” Topper paused, squinting at Rafe like he was trying to solve a puzzle. “Wait. What are you supposed to do?”

Rafe’s hand twitched toward his jaw, fingers brushing over the stubble there, a telltale sign that he was gearing up to lose patience. He didn’t wait for Topper to answer before shaking his head, the movement quick and irritated. 

“Don’t do that, man,” he added, pointing a finger “I’ll help her figure it out. What else can I do?”

Topper tilted his head, genuinely impressed. “Damn. You really matured, huh? I mean, good for you.”

“Top, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Rafe demanded, his tone sharp now like he was finally catching on to the fact that they weren’t on the same page.

Topper blinked, “I’m just saying you’re handling it better than I thought. Especially since she’s not—uh, showing yet.”

“Not showing what?”

“…The bump?”

He immediately realized he’d said the wrong thing, or maybe the right thing, but in the wrong tone, with the wrong level of context, and—okay, maybe he should just stop talking. 

Abort mission, abort mission. Topper immediately wanted to crawl into a hole. Dude, shut up, shut up, shut up.

“What the fuck?” Rafe’s voice cracked; his eyes blazing as he stepped closer. “What bump?!”

His laugh fizzled out under Rafe’s glare, it was starting to feel less like “concerned ex-boyfriend” and more like “interrogating cop.” He felt a bead of sweat slide down the back of his neck. 

Cool. Stay cool.

“Wait,” Topper held his hands up, trying to physically stop the situation from spiraling. “What do you think is wrong with her?”

His brain was spinning in a way it wasn’t built for. He was a simple guy—he liked clear problems and easy fixes. But this? This was a category-five disaster, and he was stuck right in the middle of it.

Rafe let out a sharp breath through his nose, dragging a hand through his hair, the small strands sticking up in every direction.

“I think she’s got a fucking infection! Why the hell would I think she’s pregnant?”

Topper hesitated, glancing toward the house like maybe Sarah or Wheezie might miraculously appear to save him. No such luck.

“Well fucking shit,” Topper blurted, the words tumbling out in a rush. His heart was pounding, and he was pretty sure he’d just signed his death warrant. “I—I didn’t say she’s pregnant, okay? I found this number, and it was for a women’s health center, and—fuck, man, I’m dead. I’m so dead.”

Rafe grabbed him by the collar, yanking him close. “Start talking. Now.”

“I wasn’t snooping, okay? It just—happened. I wasn’t trying to get in her business, but—”

“But what?” Rafe barked. His other hand twitched at his side, curling into a fist before flexing out again, a warning of how close Topper was to eating pavement, but Rafe wasn’t the one he feared right now.

You were going to kill him.

He could already picture the look on your face when you found out—those cold, furious eyes, the way your voice would drop, he was officially dead meat. He gulped, his mouth dry as his brain scrambled for something—anything—that wouldn’t get him killed or disowned.

“You better explain what the fuck you mean by ‘happened,’” Rafe growled, his grip tightening, giving Topper’s collar a shake, just enough to make his point clear.

Topper was done, leaving nothing but pure panic and the faint, distant sound of his voice saying things he definitely shouldn’t. 

“I called the number!” Topper yelped. “I didn’t even mean to, it was—dude, she’s gonna kill me, and I mean that literally. She will.”

“Not if I kill you first,” Rafe shoved him back, his grip finally loosening, his face unreadable now, which was somehow worse than when he’d looked ready to punch him. “You’re telling me you think she’s pregnant? And you didn’t remember to tell me sooner?”

“I didn’t!” Topper said quickly, panic bubbling over. “It’s not like she’s gonna tell me this kind of stuff.”

“Did she say anything to you? Anything about seeing a doctor or being sick?”

Topper shook his head so fast it made him dizzy. “I asked if she was okay, but she just brushed it off and changed the subject.”

The silence that followed was thick and suffocating, both of them staring each other down.

“No, no way. She’s probably… I don’t fucking know, changing her pill or something.”

Topper raised an eyebrow. “Changing her pill?”

“Yeah,” Rafe said quickly, “Or—what else do they do there? Those check-up things. Maybe she’s getting one of those.”

“Uh-huh,” Topper replied, not convinced but also not dumb enough to call him out on it outright. “Sure. Just a… routine check-up?”

“Exactly,” Rafe agreed a little too loud, his tone almost defensive as he started circling again, his hands gesturing wildly. “They don’t just deal with… y'know. They do all kinds of shit. Tests, prescriptions, all that stuff. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Topper scratched the back of his neck, his expression caught between agreement and unease. “I mean, yeah, they do other stuff… but don’t you think—”

“I don’t think anything, there’s nothing to think about. She’s fine. She’s—she’s fine.” He stopped pacing, standing rigid with his hands on his hips, glaring at the ground like it had personally offended him.

“Okay,” Topper started, his tone cautious. “I get that you don’t want to jump to conclusions, but—”

“I’m not jumping to conclusions!” Rafe barked, spinning around “You’re the one making it into something it’s not! She’s not—she wouldn’t—she hasn’t told me anything,” He muttered finally, “And if she’s hiding this… from me…”

He’d never seen Rafe like this—angry, yeah, but there was something else there, either way, it wasn’t good. His glare burned into him, but for the first time, there was hesitation behind it. He wasn’t just mad—he was scared. Topper couldn’t decide if that made him feel better or worse. 

“Holy shit,” Rafe muttered, gripping the side of his truck for balance. His vision going fuzzy as his heart raced like he’d just sprinted a mile. “Holy shit, what if—what if she is?”

“Dude, breathe,” Topper said, stepping closer cautiously like Rafe was a live grenade. “You don’t even—”

“Even if—if—she was, how the hell would that even—” He cut himself off, his face twisting like he couldn’t decide whether to finish the thought or abandon it entirely.

Topper didn’t need him to finish, he understood exactly what Rafe was thinking. The timeline, the breakup, the way everything had gone down between you.

Rafe’s breath hitched as he let go of the truck and paced a few steps, his hands on his hips, muttering under his breath. “No. No way. It’s not—she’d tell me, right? She’d fucking tell me.”

Images started flashing through his mind in rapid succession, each one more ridiculous and unhinged than the last. You, standing in some clinic, staring at a test with a blank expression. You, trying to figure out how to tell Rafe.

You, holding a baby—Rafe’s baby—in your arms.

“This doesn’t make any sense. We were careful. She’s just stressed, girls go through shit. Hormones or whatever. Right?”

“You’re asking me? I barely passed bio. I’m not exactly a walking textbook on—” He stopped himself, seeing the look on Rafe’s face. “I don’t know what’s going on with her, okay? But if this is what I think it is, you gotta handle it right. Don’t screw it up more than it already is.”

“And if I don’t handle it right?”

Topper forced a shaky grin, even as his stomach twisted in knots.

“Then I guess I’ll see you in hell, man. Because she’s gonna kill us both.”

Rafe’s hands went to his hips, his thumb brushing the edge of his pocket as he stared past Topper, he was trying to work out an equation that wasn’t adding up.

“She hasn’t said a word to me,” Rafe muttered, “Not at the hospital, not since. And you think…” He trailed off, dragging a hand over his face. 

Topper shifted on his feet, resisting the urge to bolt to the other side of the world.

“I guess, but I swear, it wasn’t on purpose.”

Rafe shot him a look, his brows knitting together, and Topper felt like he was under a microscope. “You called a random number. How does that ‘just happen’?”

He huffed, throwing his hands up. “I was grabbing some water, and her mail fell, and there was this number—I didn’t think! I just… acted.” He groaned, his head falling back as he stared at the sky. “I didn’t mean to put two and two together, but what was I supposed to do? You’re the one who made me go digging in the first place!”

“You really think that’s what’s going on?” Rafe asked finally, his voice quieter.

“You said she’s acting weird, and then there was that number, and…” He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Do you even understand what this means? If she’s—if there’s a—” He broke off, “I’d have to—Jesus Christ, what would I even do? I’m not—God.”

His hands gripped the edge of the truck bed so hard his knuckles turned white, the veins in his arms standing out as he glared at the ground like it had personally offended him.

“If she didn’t tell me—” His voice was low, quiet in a way that made Topper wince because he knew what came next.

“Maybe just... ask her?”

 “Ask her?” he repeated, his voice disbelieving.

“Yeah, you know,” Topper said, gesturing vaguely. “Talk to her? Maybe find out what’s going on instead of losing your shit over worst-case scenarios?”

Rafe shook his head, “No. If she wanted me to know, she’d tell me. She’s... she’s dealing with her own stuff. It’s not my place to push.”

 “Since when do you not push?”

“Since now,” Rafe snapped, though even he didn’t sound convinced.

“Rafe—”

“No, seriously,” Rafe interrupted, his voice rising now, the tight restraint unraveling with every word. “If she’s—if she’s going through this, if she’s pregnant, and she didn’t tell me?” He let out a bitter chuckle, “What the fuck does that say? About me.”

Topper opened his mouth, hesitated, then closed it again. This felt like a minefield, and if anyone was good at stepping on the wrong spot, it was him.

Rafe pushed off the truck, he couldn’t physically stay still. His eyes were burning as he raked a hand through his buzzed hair.

“I was—fuck. She thinks what? That I wouldn’t show up for this. She didn’t tell me because she doesn’t think I deserve to know.”

“That’s not true,” Topper said quickly, stepping closer, but Rafe’s empty laugh stopped him.

“Isn’t it?” Rafe’s voice was hollow now, all the fire drained out of him, turning his head slightly, just enough for Topper to see his throat working as he swallowed hard. “What the hell have I ever done to make her think I’d be there? That I’d—” He broke off. “Shit. I wouldn’t blame her. I can't even fucking blame her.”

“You still care about her, right?” Topper pressed, knowing he didn’t have to ask to know the answer.

Rafe’s head snapped up, “She’s the only thing I’ve ever cared about.”

He nodded slowly, “Then prove it.”

The envelope sat exactly where you’d left it, the faintest corner of folded. You froze for a second, your pulse quickening.

No. No way.

It was fine. Fine.

The number wasn’t even labeled—just digits scrawled hastily, you hadn’t touched it in days. Still, you couldn’t stop the tiny seed of panic attaching itself to your chest. There was absolutely no way Topper could’ve seen it, let alone put two and two together.

You exhaled slowly, placing it back on the counter.

He didn’t see it. He couldn’t have seen it.

Then why had he acted so… off? The pale face, the sudden excuse, the jittery energy—it was all so unlike him.

You shook your head, trying to push the thought away, a million things could’ve set him off. 

Maybe Ruthie had texted him something awful, or maybe he’d remembered he had to pick up his dry cleaning before the shop closed. Knowing Topper, it was probably something stupid and unrelated to you entirely.

Still, the nagging lingered as you cleaned up the counter and threw away the napkins. You glanced at the envelope one last time, then slid it into a drawer and shut it firmly. Whatever was going on with your cousin, it couldn’t have anything to do with that. It was impossible. And yet…

You sighed, rubbing your temples. 

“Pregnancy brain,” you muttered to yourself. “Making me paranoid over nothing.”

Of course that didn’t stop your heart from jumping every time the drawer creaked, or when you saw anything even remotely similar to that envelope’s color lying around the house for the entire night. Not that he’d ask, of course—Topper wasn’t the confrontational type, especially not with you. But he noticed things. And when he noticed, he worried.

The next morning you sank onto the couch, hugging a pillow to your chest. Topper was close, but he wasn’t like Sarah. She had been able to look you in the eye and say, You know I’m here, right? and mean it without any strings attached. Topper, though…

Your fingers itched toward your phone, even though it was stupid to call her so early over this. Still, you needed someone to remind you that you weren’t losing it, that Topper’s weirdness had nothing to do with anything serious.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you found Sarah’s number, pressing the call button. She picked up on the second ring, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You could picture her, sitting in her car or probably stretched out somewhere in Poguelandia with her feet propped up on a table, looking concerned.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just…” You trailed off, fiddling with the edge of a pillow. 

“Topper’s been acting strange. And I think I’m just overthinking it, but it’s making me crazy.”

She made a sound between a hum and a laugh. “So the Topper panic spiral. That’s what we’re dealing with?”

“Basically,” you muttered, trying to keep your tone light. “But this time… He was here last night, and I thought he saw this random piece of paper I had with, you know. A number on it.” You took a shaky breath, embarrassed for how paranoid you sounded. “But he couldn’t have, right? I mean, it was buried under five other things.”

“Okay,” Sarah said slowly, clearly choosing her words. “First, let’s just say that if he did see anything, which he probably didn’t, he wouldn’t assume the worst. He’s your cousin; he knows you don’t tell him everything, and he respects that. Right?”

“Yeah… I guess.” You chewed your lip, feeling a little stupid for even calling her.  “But what if he does put it together, Sarah? I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

“He won’t,” she reassured, like she could see right through your anxiety. “And you don’t need to feel bad for wanting to keep this private. You’re allowed to handle it however you need to. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

You exhaled, the knot in your chest loosening a little. She always knew how to talk you down, "Okay,” you murmured, and a shaky laugh slipped out. “Maybe I'm being paranoid.”

“Pregnancy brain,” she teased, and you couldn’t help but smile.

You hung up feeling marginally better.

Sarah had a way of calming you down, but the uneasiness stayed with you, the way it always did when you couldn’t fully explain something.

But the relief was fleeting, by lunchtime, the nagging voice in your head was back. Topper wasn’t malicious, but he did have a habit of talking without thinking, and the last thing you needed was for this to get out before you were ready. Not only was this a huge scandal, but it was your business.

You busied yourself with small tasks—folding laundry, wiping down the counters, pretending that everything was fine. It wasn’t until almost noon that your phone rang. The hospital’s number flashed on the screen, and your stomach dropped.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Miss Thornton?” the voice on the other end asked politely, too polite for comfort.

“This is she."

“This is Linda from the hospital. I’m calling about your recent bloodwork. We had a bit of an issue with our system, and unfortunately, there was a delay in getting back to you. We also lost some patient information temporarily—”

“Wait, what?” you interrupted, not liking where this was going, “What do you mean you lost information?”

“Oh, nothing to worry about,” Linda said quickly, as if that would make you feel better. “We managed to recover most of it, but in the meantime, we had to rely on emergency contact information to reach out. Dr. Harris called yours last night.”

Your breath caught. “Called... my emergency contact?”

“Yes.”

“Sarah Cameron? She didn’t tell me someone called.”

“She’s not listed as your emergency contact in our system, Rafe Cameron is. It might be an older record?”

Fuck.

Your heart was in your throat. “What... what did he tell him?”

“He only left a generic message asking for you to follow up about your bloodwork. Nothing specific.”

“Nothing specific,” you repeated, more to yourself than to her. Relief and panic warred within you. If Rafe knew, he’d already be there, the night before, demanding answers. Right?

“We need you to come back in. It’s possible you may have an infection, and we need to run a few more tests.”

You didn’t even hear the rest of her explanation.

Your fingers felt numb as you mumbled something that vaguely resembled agreement and hung up.

Infection, that was what she’d said. That was all it was. Not… not anything else. If it were anything else, they wouldn’t have just called—they’d have told Rafe.

“Stop,” you muttered aloud, shaking your head. “Stop spiraling.”

But your brain wouldn’t listen.

“Generic message,” Linda had said, but did it sound generic? What did he think when he got it? Had he laughed it off, or was he running his stupid pristine bedroom, piecing together clues you hadn’t even realized you’d left?

You didn’t want to text Sarah again.

You could imagine her smirking, “I told you, he’s not going to magically grow psychic overnight.” Yeah, sure, but this was Rafe.

He didn’t need magic. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to focus on Sarah’s voice in your head. “You’re not doing anything wrong.”

Except it didn’t feel like that. You hadn’t thought about Rafe as your emergency contact in months, hadn’t needed to. 

You sank into the couch, hugging your knees to your chest.

“This is so stupid,” you muttered, but your voice didn’t make it feel any less real. You weren’t even sure what you were spiraling over anymore. The envelope? The hospital? The baby?

“Okay,” you said out loud. “Okay, it’s fine. Everything’s fine.”

The sound of your voice didn’t even convince you. Your brain wouldn’t stop jumping from one thing to the next, spinning every scenario you didn’t want to think about. 

What if he did know? If that was enough to set him off, to make him call someone, pull some strings...Shit, what if he did show up, and you had to explain why you were dodging everyone and keeping things from him and—stop. 

Stop. 

You were doing it again. The spiraling. The pregnancy brain Sarah teased you about like it was some sort of cute quirk, but wasn’t cute.

You sat up straight, squeezing the couch pillow so hard you thought it might burst. Breathe. Just breathe, you’d made it this far without imploding.

You glanced toward the drawer again, the one with the envelope. You should’ve burned it, shredded it first. No, you had to keep it—just in case. But just in case of what? Just in case you needed more reasons to feel like a lunatic.

Oh my god. What if Topper saw the stupid number, and then Rafe got the hospital call, and then—bam—suddenly, they had the whole damn thing figured out?

You could feel it already—the panic. You liked to think they were both too stupid for their own good, but they were also observant. Rafe, that bastard always knew how to put things together faster than anyone. 

What if—what if it’s that simple for them? What if they both saw it, and then they were just sitting there, having some stupid-ass conversation, connecting dots you didn’t even realize were dots?

No. Stop. Stop thinking like that.

You were getting carried away, jumping to conclusions like some manic soap opera character. You weren’t that girl. Not really. But the thought of them talking—Topper with his concern and Rafe with his overbearing intensity.

Your fingers tapped a frantic rhythm against the pillow. The idea of him figuring it out? Oh, that made your skin crawl. Not because he’d be cruel—no, that wasn’t his style. He’d just be so… himself.

Overwhelming, determined to “fix” things for you, even when you didn’t ask for it. 

You groaned, dropping the pillow and standing abruptly, like the movement might kill the growing dread. No, you told yourself firmly.

You weren’t spiraling over things that hadn’t even happened yet.

But the voice in your head, the one that always sounded a little too much like Rafe, had other plans: What if it’s already too late?

You paced the living room, arms crossed tightly over your chest. This was ridiculous, you were ridiculous. Nothing had happened, nothing was going to happen. The number wasn’t even that suspicious, it could’ve been anything.

You groaned again, flopping onto the couch like the dramatic mess you were currently embodying. Rafe had probably gotten the hospital call, rolled his eyes without a second thought, too busy with his new precious life.

Your stomach churned, and you pressed your hands against it instinctively. It wasn’t showing yet—thank god—but you couldn’t help the way your mind spiraled back to it, to all the ways this could go wrong.

You grabbed your car keys without thinking, maybe it would clear your head. A drive—that’s what you needed. Get out of the house, and put some distance between you and the stupid envelope, the phone calls, all of it. You turned the knob, yanked the door open—

—and froze.

Rafe’s hand was raised mid-air, clearly about to knock. You didn’t even try to hide the way your breath hitched. 

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Standing there on the porch like he hadn’t just derailed your entire plan. As if it was still perfectly normal for him to show up unannounced, one hand shoved into his pocket and the other gripping his phone, his head tilted in a maddeningly familiar way.

His hand hovered uncertainly on the doorframe as you stepped back, your arms folding protectively over your chest. He didn’t push past you, didn’t move his weight forward—just stood there.

He glanced down at the spare key still in his hand, turning it over like he was considering whether he even had the right to use it. “They called me last night.”

Okay, he was just here because of the hospital, a coincidence, that’s all it was.

“And? You could’ve ignored it.”

His hand flexed at his side like he didn’t know what to do with it. “I thought something might be wrong.”

“It’s not.” Your voice was clipped, cold. “They called the wrong number. End of story.”

He didn’t rise to the bait.

“I thought—” He cut himself off, exhaling sharply. “I thought you were sick.”

“Like I said, it was a mix-up.”

His jaw ticked. That tiny muscle in his cheek twitched, the one that always flared when he was suspicious.

“Funny, they didn’t sound mixed up when they said your name,” he drawled, his tone probing. “Wanna try again?”

“Mind your fucking business,” Your voice was defensive, and you hated the crackle of guilt in your chest when he flinched. “I don’t need you to pretend to care. Why are you even here?” you snapped, taking a step back. The space between you felt vulnerable. “Don’t you have someone else to worry about?"

You felt cornered with every second he stood there.

“We need to talk.”

Maybe if you acted calm, like nothing was wrong, he’d stop looking at you like that. Vulnerability wasn’t something you were good at, he’d already taken too much. He always took too much.

“I don’t owe you shit. Not explanations, not answers, nothing. Leave.”

He didn’t. Of course, he didn’t.

Rafe didn’t know how to let shit go, not when it came to you, he didn’t back away.

“You’re right,” he said, surprising you. “You don’t, but I’m not leaving until we talk.”

The way he said, it wasn’t even a threat. It was worse than that. It was calm, resolute, like he’d already decided, and nothing you said or did could change it. 

That scared you more than anything.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you hissed, “Whatever you think you know, you don’t.”

He arched an eyebrow, his eyes flicking to the edge of the couch where your phone still sat, “You sure about that?”

“God, you’re always like this. Always overstepping, always assuming—”

“I know."

All the noise in your head—your spiraling thoughts, your excuses, your endless denials—went silent, except for the way your heart thudded in your chest, so fast, it hurt. He hadn’t raised his voice, but those two words hit you like a kick to your chest.

No, he couldn’t—he didn’t, he was bluffing, he had to be. Air caught in your throat, and for a moment, you thought you might choke on it. He didn’t move, didn’t repeat himself. He couldn’t know.

Your tongue went dry. 

“What are you talking about?” You couldn’t breathe. It felt like someone was squeezing your chest. You shook your head again, more violently this time, stepping back, “You don’t know shit.”

“I think I do.” His voice was quiet, and that made it worse, it wasn’t cold or angry; it wasn’t even accusing. He didn’t sound like he wanted to be right, he just sounded tired.

You prayed to come up with something—anything—to deflect, to deny, to keep the truth buried where it belonged. 

“You’re delusional,” you took another step back, putting more space between you and the man who had always known you too well.

He just shook his head, “You don’t have to lie to me, you’re scared, you’re not even trying to hide it.”

It was the way he stared with those stupid blue eyes, he was peeling back your layers. He always did that, made you feel like he could see something in you that you weren’t ready to acknowledge.

“Oh, fuck off.” You threw your hands up. “You don’t know shit about what I’m feeling. You’ve got no right to—I’m not lying.”

It still hurt how much you missed him, hurt to even look at him.

“Don’t pull this cryptic bullshit with me, if you’ve got something to say, say it.”

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

The thing you’d been running from, denying, hiding, you simply stared at him, trying to decide if there was any way to lie your way out of this.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” You tried to laugh, but it came out strangled, desperate. “T-That’s insane. You’ve lost your mind.”

Rafe wasn’t gloating or triumphant—he just looked… resigned, he’d pieced it together before he showed up.

“Don’t do that. Don’t lie to me, not about this.”

You wanted to scream, to shove him, to do anything that would make him stop looking at you like he cared. Like he knew you. Because if you stopped long enough to think about it, you knew it was over.

He’d already seen it.

“I mean it, Rafe.” Your hand tightened on the door, nails digging into the wood. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

God, this was so fucked. You wanted him gone, but wanted him here, needed him to leave you alone, but at the same time, you hated that he could just leave.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

You thought about what he’d do if he knew—really knew. Not just the vague sense he had now, but the details. Would he try to stop you? 

Your lip quivered, and you hated yourself for it. “You’re wrong.”

You stared at him, at the way his shoulders hunched slightly, his usual confidence worn down. You hated him for being calm for once in his fucking life, for being here, for not letting this slide when it was none of his fucking business.

“Am I?”

Your hands clenched tighter, nails biting into your palms. “Why? Why do you even care? It’s not like you—”

“Because it’s mine.”

Your breath hitched again, and this time, you couldn’t hide it. You wanted to deny it, to throw something—hell, anything—back at him to make him shut the fuck up. But your throat felt like it had shut off entirely, and your mind had gone blank.

“I—” you stammered, shaking your head violently, “No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re—”

“Hey, hey, just—just stop,” he said, his voice careful, as if he was trying not to spook you. “I’m not—Jesus, I’m not here to fight with you, okay? I’m not here to make this harder.”

Your chest heaved, a bitter laugh escaping before you could stop it. He was too late—late to care, late to help, late to fix anything. Five days, that’s all you had to get through.

Five days until you didn’t have to think about it anymore. 

This is the right choice, you told yourself for the hundredth time. You couldn’t bring a baby into this mess.

“You’re doing a hell of a job at that.”

“I just want to help. If you let me—”

“No,” you interrupted, grabbing the edge of the door. “I’m fixing it.”

“Fixing—?” Rafe’s brow furrowed, his confusion almost comical He started to step forward, but you stopped him with a resentful glare that made him stop. “What does that even mean?”

“It means you can take your fake concern and shove it up your ass.”

His brow furrowed. “It’s not fake—” His face twisted in confusion, mouth opening like he was about to argue, but you didn’t give him the chance, slamming the door in his face, so hard the frame rattled.

“Of course. Of course, it’s mine,” you muttered to yourself, mocking his stupid, self-righteous tone.

You leaned back against the door, sliding to the floor, arms crossed over your knees as your brain whirred like it was trying to kill you.

It wasn’t like you had a choice.

Technically, you did, but what were you supposed to do? Keep it and become a tragic sob story? The words almost felt like you’d ripped them out of someone else’s mouth, right or wrong didn’t even matter anymore. There wasn’t space in your life for this—for him, for a baby, for any of it.

A muffled knock sounded from the front door—tentative, like he was giving you a moment.

“Go away,” you yelled, your voice hoarse.

“Open the door.”

Your thoughts taunted you with memories and possibilities you didn’t want to entertain. The way Rafe had looked at you—like he knew—it was unbearable.

How had he put it together? Maybe you'd slip up in tiny ways, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow. You hated yourself for being so careless, despised him even more for being so fucking relentless.

You wiped your cheeks roughly, not realizing you’d started crying until your sleeve came back damp.

“Please, just open the door. We can talk—just talk, okay?

“No,” you muttered to the empty room. “No, I’m not doing this.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, leaning your head back against the door and pressing your hands over your ears to block him out. 

“Don’t shut me out like this,” he begged. “I can’t—fuck, I can’t stand it when you do this. Just open the door. Five minutes, that’s all I’m asking.”

He had a key. If he wanted to, he could let himself in at any moment, but he didn’t, that wasn’t the Rafe you were used to.

Before, he'd have barged right in, shouted until your ears bled, and demanded answers. He would’ve tried to fix it or destroy it, maybe both. 

You hated that he still acted like he cared, that he was trying to be so fucking reasonable now, when just a few months ago, he would’ve lost it, broken through any barrier to get what he wanted.

This was worse, this Rafe was wearing you down.

Another hushed plea made it through the door, but all you could think was how thin the wood felt, how it barely drowned the sound of his voice. A new door might be better, something heavier, more solid, that could drown out everything—the desperation, the crack in his voice.

Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes, and you bit hard on the inside of your cheek to keep them from falling. 

“I know you’re scared,” he continued, “And I know you think I’ll screw this up—God knows I probably will. But please don’t keep me in the dark. Just tell me what’s going on.”

You pictured flipping through hardware store catalogs, weighing your options: oak? steel? soundproofing foam?

“Please,” Rafe whispered, and the rawness in his voice scraped against you like nails on a chalkboard. You tilted your head back against the door, willing yourself not to cry again. 

Steel doors don’t warp as easily as wood.

You swallowed hard, your body aching as you fought the sob threatening to escape. He didn’t deserve this—didn’t deserve to sound so wrecked over you. He'd done this to himself.

Your fingers twitched against the door handle, the temptation to open it curling around you, but instead, you thought about bolts.

Deadbolts, a second lock could work, something he couldn’t get through even if he had the key.

His voice wavered again, you thought he might start crying, too, yet all you did was glance at the base of the door. A better seal would muffle the noise more. Maybe weatherstripping? That could help.

You pressed your hands tighter over your ears, as though it would help. It didn’t. Nothing would—not until you replaced the lock, the door, the memory of him standing there and breaking himself open for you.

God, you really needed a new door—and a new heart.

One that didn’t twist at the sound of his voice, that didn’t flinch every time he called your name like it was a prayer. A heart that didn’t feel for him, you told yourself, over and over, like a mantra. If you could just stop the way your chest tightened at his pleas, stop the ache in your ribs when he said he couldn’t let this go.

You wanted steel walls, that could keep everything out—his voice, his touch, the memories of all the good parts of him that had kept you hanging on for so long. Because of this heart? It was useless, too soft, too easily swayed, still willing to believe him, even when you knew better.

“Please, just talk to me,” Rafe begged. You bit your lip hard enough to taste blood.

You couldn’t help but wonder if this calmness came from Sofia.

Perhaps she was the reason he’d changed, maybe she had somehow made him different, had softened the sharp edges of the guy you used to know. She was calm, collected—nothing like you. It hurt like a bitch, the thought that someone else could make him this patient. You wondered if she’d taught him how to handle his emotions, how to be this way—he’d learned some secret he never bothered to share with you.

You couldn't let yourself go there, couldn't let the bitterness of that thought settle in your mind for too long.

“Talk to me.”

No. Not this time.

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige

@rafebb @rafesbby @whytheylosttheirminds

@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron

@serrendiipty @sunny1616 @yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog

@psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei

@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2

@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt

[fangirlwithlou]

Once again it is mine and Drews birthday 😍 and I am rereading this masterpiece that my dear Tanner wrote for me in 2022 🥹 ily baby you are such an amazing writer and person ❤️ @torturedtypewritersdept

birthday blues - d.s.

summary: a birthday without drew is effecting you more than it should.

warnings: birthday blues, angst, fluff, etc.

a/n: for my baby lou on her birthday <3

wc: 1.2k

Holidays – webster defines them as important events – events that mark passage and religion and somehow that equates to being seamlessly surrounded by the people you hold nearest to your heart. As long as you could remember, holidays and special events had been your driving factor; you – the epitome of golden, gift-giving to those around you in an attempt to make them feel as loved as you did just by being in their lives. It was one of the first things Drew took note of as you got to know each other on set, other than the fact that you shared a birthday. You weren’t sure what the zodiac’s said about two scorpios being together, but you couldn’t find the energy to care when it felt so good. The long hours on set quickly turned into talking and friendship and a whirlwind summer romance blossomed as the chemistry between your character’s left the pages of the scripts in your hands and bled into your everyday life. He made things easy and effortless and it had been that way as long as you could remember, even dating back to the night of your very first date. He had taken you to a bar in South Carolina in the midst of filming the second season and though you knew he was vast in his contrast to Rafe, it still made you giggle when showed up in a pair of jeans and a graphic t-shirt that his alter ego would never be caught dead in. You went for dinner and drinks which turned into a three hour long conversation about your lives and how you got to be who you were. You knew that night that he’d own your heart forever. You were pulled out of your thoughts as his ringtone sounded off, signaling he was on the other end of the phone, waiting to hear your voice.

“Hello?”

You answered, sliding your finger across the screen, accepting the call and placing the speaker up to your ear.

“Well hey there, pretty girl.”

You could hear him grin as he greeted you.

“Hi, handsome. How was your day?”

You questioned, smiling back at the nickname he reserved only for you.

“Long and boring – missed you. Still do.”

He responded.

“Miss you more, silly boy.”

You replied and he laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

You teased, laughing in return as you questioned him and he snorted.

“Not possible that you miss me more, baby.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Don’t start, Joseph. I’m already sad enough you won’t be here when I wake up.”

Your bottom lip trembled as you remembered why you were wallowing in bed to begin with – your shared birthday with your boyfriend and the fact that for the first time in three years, you wouldn’t be together for it. This year, you wouldn’t be sleeping soundly with his long locks and beads of sweat against your bare chest as the clock struck midnight and turned the two of you another year older. No – instead, the two of you were on opposite sides of the country, unable to celebrate and because of this, you deemed it appropriate not to celebrate at all. What was a birthday without him, anyway? You couldn’t bring yourself to remember.

“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

He was sincere. He always was.

“S’okay.”

You muttered, but he knew it wasn’t.

“What’s this I hear about you not celebrating, huh? Mads said you wouldn’t even go out to dinner with the gang, baby. What’s that about?”

You knew he wasn’t questioning you in accusation, but, instead in care and you softened under the boom of his worried tone.

“I’m just not in a celebrating mood, Drew.”

You muttered.

“Please, baby. Just go for me, I promise it’ll be worth it, I have presents that’ll be waiting for you and it’ll totally ruin the vibe if they are just sitting there wrapped with no pretty girl to open them. Come on – please go.”

He begged beautifully, like a puppy with its sights on a treat.

“Fine, Starkey. I’ll go, but you owe me.”

You replied, rolling your eyes.

“Anything you want, mama – it's yours, just name your price.”

You giggled, able to visibly picture his hands up in surrender.

-

He asked you to go and that’s exactly what you did – you went, hoping that the present was him deep down to your core, though you know his filming schedule and his new director wouldn’t allow that to happen. You still hoped and that’s exactly how you found yourself in his favorite dress, a baby blue number with rhinestone straps and satin fabric. You had dolled yourself up, in a few hours it would be your birthday after all and what better excuse than that? You made your way into the bar, pushing through the crowd of people in an attempt to get your hands on a drink, but not just any drink. The birthday girl craved pineapple and malibu and that’s exactly what she was going to get. You stumbled bumping shoulders with a blonde who you immediately recognized as Madelyn as you made your way to the wooden stools in front of the bar. You got up and onto them quickly, hugging into her side and greeting her as you did so.

“Hey, birthday girl!!”

she said, as she stumbled, already seemingly drunker than you were.

“Hey, mads.”

You replied, chuckling. You waited for a moment more as you were served your drinks and sipped on them.

“How are you holding up, party girl?”

You laughed into your question, watching as she slurped her drink down and almost fell off the stool she sat on.

“I’m fine, babe. I should be asking you that.”

She yelled into your face, the music drowning out her tiny voice.

“I’m okay, just miss him. I feel bad, you know?”

“Yeah — wait, what do you mean you feel bad?”

“I don’t know, I feel like a drama queen. It shouldn’t be a big deal, it’s just a birthday. It’s not even worth celebrating. I just hope that he wants to be with me on these days, you know? I hope he cares that it’s my birthday and that he wants to be with me as badly as I want to be with him.”

You muttered, tears lining your eyes and she smiled mischievously back at you. Your brow knitted in confusion, but it quickly dissipated as you felt a large shadow looming over you.

“Sweet girl, if you don’t know how I feel by now, I’ve got some making up to do, huh?”

The hair on the back of your neck stood as Drew’s lips spoke into your ear. You turned around quickly, falling off the bar stool you sat on.

“Easy, tiger. You’re precious cargo.”

He smiled, steadying you and you threw your arms around his middle violently. He only wrapped his strong arms around you laying his chin on top of your head as he rubbed your back. You leaned back on your heels and looked up at him as he leaned his neck down bringing you into a deep kiss.

“Joseph — what are you trying to do to me?”

You asked, tears leaking from your eyes.

“Pretty girl, come on, you know better. I’m not gonna miss your birthday, baby — not ever.”

You kissed him again, running your thumb across his chiseled cheek. You knew you shouldn’t have doubted him, as he had many times before, he had proved yet again just how well he loved you.

“Happy birthday, sweet boy.”

You whispered and he returned the sentiment.

“Happy birthday, my perfect girl.”

-

Taglist: (tagging my drew girlies)

@dreamingwithlouise @fangirlwithlou @drewbooooo @paradisehamilton @valeriiecameron @nt-multi-fandom @ceceswriting @penny4yourthoughts @lovedetlost @adventuresinobx @starkeyobx @onmykneesforrafe @outerbankspov @slut4starkey @slut4rafee @chaostudee @ryswritingrecord @gillybear17 @luhdrew @strokesofstokes @rafelover @i-always-come-back-xoxo @getwellsoontana @glutenfreepeach @itsalexwin

[fangirlwithlou]

😍😍

so long, london-the second part

drew starkey x fem!reader

warnings: angst, fluff, breakup, mention of infidelity, sexual themes, mental health issues, mention of pregnancy, mention of infertility. most of them don't happen but they're mentioned. smut [it has a warning for everyone who doesn't like or doesn't want reading it and a warning on where it ends and the smut ends.]

summary: she's an actress and a singer, he's an actor. coworkers that fell in love until it fell apart. now everything is gone but how did it disappear?

a/n: odessa a'zion is made the antagonist in this story. hateful comments aren't allowed, it's just for the plot. it's probably the only chapter with descriptive sexual content because i'm not used to write it and i only felt it was needed now.

[the face and hair color of reader changes depending on the picture i need for the instagram posts! anyone can imagine how their reader looks, it isn't a designated actress or singer for this fic]

moodboard

series masterlist

neither drew or y/n knew if they were ready to see one another, even after six months both of them still found themselves longing for their lost half.

y/n wanted for the earth to absorve her when on her uber while going to chase's, madelyn sent her a text.

text

maddie "did you see this?"

maddie [instagram post]

maddie "drew sent it to me asking if i knew anything about it."

y/n "i don't want to face him."

y/n "he has nothing to do or ask about it. the articles about one of us having dinner with 'friends' while we were together weren't about me, they were about him."

y/n "what if i fake sickeness and i don't go?"

maddie "chase will literally kill you and you know it, he's been tallking about how much he misses you non stop on set."

y/n "i miss y'all too and being on set."

maddie "i know hon. see u there."

the bottle of wine on her hand almost drops to the floor when the door is wide open and a happy chase throws himself at her in a big hug.

"oh i missed you so much." she giggled at his words.

"i missed you too big bro." she kisses his cheek. "even tho i saw you last month with kelsea i new york last month."

"yeah but it's been way too long." he smiles at her while guiding her in. "everyone's already here."

"god i hate being the last one."

"look who the wind brought in!" jd exclaims when he sees her come in chase's dinning room, getting up to greet her.

"miss little big rockstar!" elaine says rushing to envolve her in a tight hug.

"thank you, thank you." she makes a reverence laughing while before her friends arms get all around her.

"i missed your ugly face." rudy laughs picking her up and spins her around.

"always so sweet." y/n says messing with his hair. "nick and austin ain't coming?" she says scanning the room.

"nick is filming in san diego and austin had a wedding." drew spoke up. "hey."

"hi." she walks up to him and gaves him a hug that's quickly reciprocated.

"we're never on the same place as nick." bailey said.

"yeah it's weird." madelyn agreed. "and well it's hard for all of us to get our calenders to coincide even more now that bubble isn't on the show." bubble, their nickname for y/n, born from her always being distracted on her own little bubble.

as the night settled in and with drinks in hand, she took a moment to appreciate everything. her friends laughing, the feeling of being at home even with drew there. his presence made her nervous? of course it did, he was the love of her life and he was no longer her's to be.

"hey, you alright?" carlacia whispered to her.

"yeah, i just missed this so much, you know?" y/n smiles at her.

"we're your found family and you lost everything within a month." carlacia hand held her's. "it's okay to be overwhelmed."

"thank car, it's nice to hear it. everyone just expects us to bounce back after our lives fell apart."

lost in her conversation, she wasn't aware of drew watching her every move from across the room. the complicity with bailey and her girlfriend to her walking to the patio dissapearing from the group. only to follow her five minutes later.

she knew it was him the one to open and close the french door without seeing him.

"don't ask, just sit down." she tilted her head to look at him. he chuckles and sits next to her leaving a space between the two. "just please don't smoke next to me."

"i quitted a few motnhs ago."

"i'm glad, it was going to kill you." she take a sip of her drink. "how are you?"

"been good, how are you?" he fidgetes with his ring.

"preparing for the first leg of the tour. starts in two months."

"where are you going this time?" he looks at her and remebers how mad he's at himself for still being in love with her after what he put her through. he doesn't deserve the privilege that is loving her, he had it and lost it.

"seven countries in south america,australia, three in asia, ten in europe, canada and the states but we're leaving outside the one's we did last year. i have like two or three shows in each city's. it's almost a year of tour but i'll be taking breaks in between."

"wow it's big this time." he smiles. "i'm proud of you."

"thank you." she smiles back. "it's the biggest i've done."

"i know, we used to talk about this. you've made it."

"it's insane to hear that outloud." they both laugh. "you were there for almost all the way."

they stay silent for a minute until y/n breaks it.

"ask what you want to ask drew." she lets her head fall back resting in the sofa and looks at him.

"are you with someone?" he takes a deep breath in.

"i wouldn't call it being with someone."

"and what would you call it?" his brows snapped together.

"hooking up, just not with zayn. he's become a really good friend." she sighs.

he stays silent.

"what's in your mind?" her forehead creases.

"didn't expect you to move own so fast. that's all." he shrugges his shoulds trying to appear indiferent.

"it's been six months drew. i couldn't stay frozen forever." she closes her eyes for a moment before getting up. "i'm going inside." she squeezes his shoulder with affection and goes back to their friends, a while later drew does the same.

camera's pointing in all directions, capturing one more an infinite of their memories and at three am bailey said they should get going, the rest of them aggreing.

"i can take you home if you want, rudy mentioned you didn't came with your car." drew said standing in front of her and she nooded yes.

"that'd be nice, thank you."

"bubble are you coming with us?" elaine asked while everyone said their goodbyes.

"drew's taking me home, don't worry." she smiled and kissed her's and rudy's cheek. "love you both."

"love you more." the blonde said.

"they're so sleeping together tonight." chase said once the former couple had driven away making the rest of the group which stayed in the driveway laugh.

"that's out of the question." jd chuckled.

"god i love this song." y/n said turning up the volume to bad omens by 5sos.

"saw them last month in california with kelsea and chase." he looks at her before redirecting his sight to the road.

"no way. i wanted to go to the new york one's but scheduals weren't on my side." the black gates of her house came to view. "the code is the same we had at ours." she says.

"piggy's birthday." he chuckles.

"i've to pick her up from my sister's tomorrow." y/n says as his truck parks in front of her door hidden by the now closed gates. "the past two weeks were filled with work."

"i can take her sometimes if you have to travel and i'm not filming somewhere else. i've missed her."

"i'm sure we can do it sometime." she opens the door. "thank you for the ride." she's about to get off when drew's hand on her's stops her.

"wait." he releases her hand and moves it to the back of her neck.

"drew... we shouldn't." y/n wishpers noticing the closenes between them.

"just once. i can't remeber the last time we kissed." it comes out as a plead.

her eyes move from his eyes to his lips and back to his eyes before smashing her mouth against him, moving a hand to grip his shirt and the other to his face. when it breaks, both trying to find the air taken but drew's fast to kiss her again.

with eyes still closed y/n puts distance between them again and procedes to get off the truck. they look at eachother for a second before she speaks.

"are you coming?" shock floods through his body. "well?"

"yeah i'm coming." he turns the ignition off before following her inside her house.

[sexual content]

when the door closed, drew's arm was immediately around her waist picking her up forcing her to wrap around his middle the fight for dominance in the kiss would never change for them and him winning each time wouldn't either.

"where's your" he said panting, stealing kisses while she tried to form a sentence.

"the hall uh third door to the right." her hand went to choke his neck, kisses descending to his jaw as her back touched the bed and he settled in between her legs rutting through their clothes her intentions went to unbotton his pants and touch one of the things she missed. no one could compare to what she lived with him nor outside or inside the bed. "want these off." she tugs on his underware.

"impatiente aren't we?" he chuckles getting off her to follow what she said, his t-shirt gone first and pants then.

"god." she whispers. she hadn't forgotten how hot he is, using her memories to get off more than once. alone or with someone else, he was most of the times in her mind.

he nips at her inner thigh when he bends down to take off her shorts and thong. she wasn't perfectly shaved and neither was he exposing the spontaneity of the moment, the luck he had gotten at her agreeing at him taking her home, at him asking to kiss her.

"take off that shirt, i'm starting to hate it." he says making her chuckle.

"come and take it off if you want it off." she would never stop driving him into a spiral of craziness.

he straddled her hips, caging her under him while taking her shirt discovering nothing underneath and y/n took it as a chance to take him in her hand.

"let me on top." she tries to sit up making him roll to his back.

"for fucks sake." he moans when without a warning she takes it in her mouth, doing everything in the way she knows he likes.

he becomes a moaning mess and grips her hair, just how she likes.

"i'm gonna cum, stop." he tugs on the makeshift ponytail and pulls her off of him.

"but."

"i don't care what you have to say i want to cum somewhere else." he turns her to her back in a quick move. the way he talks to her making her breathing stop, he was sweet and at the same time so controlling in bed. the kisses and bites he was leaving on her chest and lower stomach would leave a mark, she was sure of it and she didn't care.

"drew i-" her words freeze in her throat, a loud moan escapes from her when his tongue starts doing what it does best. bringing the stars to her.

the dizzy feeling clouding her mind, her hand went to grip his hair only to remind her in wasn't there anymore. "fuck why would you shave it." he chuckled, not stopping his task instead adding more to her pleassure when his fingers surprise her.

she chants his name, the electricity of her orgasm rushing though her body. it doesn't stop her from gripping his arms intending to bring him up to her.

"i want you." she kisses him biting his lip. "now please please please."

"say it again." his hand pushing her hair out of her face, kissing all around it to end in her mouth pecking on it a few times.

"please." y/n whines. "are you clean?" he knew what she wanted, what they always did in a careless way some would say but after so much time together they didn't use to care if she fell pregnant anymore.

"yeah." he didn't need to ask her, he knew she was clean. a freak of using a condom with anyone, even with him until their second annivesary. guiding himself inside her, he took a moment before pushing all the way.

the kiss matching the pace of their hips clashing with one another. one of her legs hicked up his waist while the other wraped around his leg, her nails marking his back.

"baby." he moans into her neck, making a mark there too.

"i know. i know." she whimpers. "cum please inside me. cum" her words triggering him to unload inside her walls, the overstimulation when his fingers start tracing figures on her sensitive and swollen clit shattering her's too.

the only noise being their heavy breathing and their mouths finding the other's again.

"stay like this for a bit." she says caressing his back gets him slowly nodding.

"i love you." he says while pecking her lips. he didn't care anymore if he fucked up the moment but y/n's eyes softening and the small smile she gave him followed by a kiss let him know he didn't.

"i love you." she kissed him back.

[end of sexual content]

they laid in her bed, looking at one another. his fingers tracing patterns in her arm.

"should i get going?" he asks, wishing to the stars for her no say no.

"leave in the morning, it's late and i'd hate you if you make me sleep alone." she let her head fall into the pillow and he chuckled doing the same.

drew wrapped his arm around her, bringing her back to his chest and placing a kiss to her shoulder.

"it's not that i've moved on, but i couldn't stay where we left. i had already checked out mentally when we broke up." she says softly.

"i'm sorry." he says.

"i know." she entwine her hand when the one he laid in her stomach.

the night drifting both into sleep, leaving them to resolve the unsaid and the news out tomorrow.

[the news]

taglist: @whosyourmommy69 @chenslucy @gillybear17 @imliterallyamirrorball @nichmeddar @gillybooboo @julczimozart @bellbottombaby @silkylovey @droppedyourhnd @jaydaaasworld @congratsloserr @carrerascameron @m1santhropicc @wearemadeofstardust @chiaraanatra @rlalliehayes @ijustwanttoreadlols @sunny1616 @theoraekenslover @user123453226780536 @isaidoop @karmasloverrr @jjismydaddy @dreamybabbyy @drewsphswife @frill0 @flvredcas @tini5 @babyuk-hei @lets-turn-and-burn @rafesapologist @xoxosblogsblog

[fangirlwithlou]

Amazing! 😻

so long, london- the first part

drew starkey x fem!reader

warnings: angst, fluff, breakup, mention of infidelity, sexual themes, mental health issues, mention of pregnancy, mention of infertility. most of them don't happen but they're mentioned.

summary: she's an actress and a singer, he's an actor. coworkers that fell in love until it fell apart. now everything is gone but how did it disappear?

a/n: odessa a'zion is made the antagonist in this story. hateful comments aren't allowed, it's just for the plot.

[the face and hair color of reader changes depending on the picture i need for the instagram posts! anyone can imagine how their reader looks, it isn't a designated actress or singer for this fic]

moodboard

[instagram post. the announcement]

y/n's pov

my bags were packed, all my belongings in boxes and suitcases. the past five years of my life set in front of us, the house half empty and my dog next to me ready to leave it all behind.

"I think I should let you know I'm leaving the show." I say looking at drew.

"what?" he frowned his eyebrows. "you can't be serious y/n/n."

"Jonas and the crew already knows and I'll be telling everyone tomorrow at rehearsals. it's not my place anymore." I sigh.

he tries to take my hand but I pull away. "you don't have to leave, we can work together."

"glad you can be in my presence but I can't be in yours. not yet." a half smile adornes my face. "they'll kill my character in chapter two so I won't be in set more than a month maybe."

"I can't believe you think this doesn't affects me too." he stands from where he sat at the sofa. "I love you."

tears form in my eyes. "wished there were clues of it." I kiss his cheek and my phone rings letting us know the movers are here.

jonas reunited everyone at tanyhills set to be sure no one outside from crew and cast would be able to listen.

"everyone I reunited us all here to let y/n announce something." he looks at me and I stand next to him.

my friends have confused looks on their faces, the only one apart from drew that knew was madelyn.

"hi friends. first I want to say that I'm doing this with the biggest pain in my soul because I love you all and I love this place but I'm here to let you know I'm leaving the show."

"what the fuck?" rudy's voice made itself known.

"it's time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life and continue my projects in music. I just-" my voice breaks and I look down at the floor. "I just really love you all and I'll miss everyone like hell." I scan the room, the eyes with tears, the confused looks, the hurt looks. "this has been the greatest experience of my life, the memories and friends I made here I'll keep them forever." I start crying the second I finish talking and rudy is the first to envolve me in the tightest hug.

"I can't believe you're leaving me."

"you ain't getting rid of me, not now not ever." I take his face in my hands and kiss his cheek. "we're pogues for life, forever."

everyone hugs and kisses me saying how much they'll miss me. drew stayed for last, letting everyone leave first.

"I have to get to make up so I'll see you later." I smile at him. his hand take my arm and pulls me softly into his chest.

"I'm sorry y/n/n." he kisses my head.

"I know but I warned you and you didn't listened." I leave in the agony of having to go on without the places I called home.

[instagram post. the goodbye.]

[instagram post. it's out]

third person pov

none of their common friends would tell him anything about her when he asked and every message he sent stayed on delivered. so the next time he saw her was a month and a half later after she finished filming her scenes on tv at her grammy's performance.

drew sat next to chase, who's girlfriend was also assisting the event, rudy and elaine on another sofa and austin and jonathan who joined them at last minute on some kind of puff on the floor.

on the table was spread some take out food, a bottle of wine which content had been already been poured on his glass and some beers.

"turn it up." drew said when the host announced her name. she looked like an angel, he hair was dyed blonde again and shorter.

'so (so) long (long), london (london)'

'I saw on my mind fairy lights through the mist

I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift

pulled him tighter each time he was driftin' away'

her voice was as angelic as her looks he thought.

flashback. a year and a half back.

things were tense when he left to film a movie outside of the country, miscommunication and misunderstandings turned the goodbye into a short kiss and a single hug before dropping him off at the airport.

two days later he called and loud voice were the background, his laugh at something some girl said made her heart sink.

"sorry baby one of my coworkers was telling some story. how are you? how's piggy?" their dog.

"we're good, how are you? i got worried when you didn't answer my calls or texts." she sighs.

"yeah sorry it was a bit of a mess trying to put everything in order here, the hotel, introductions, etc." his name was called. "you understand."

"don't worry but just answer my texts so i know you're okay." his name was called again. "you should go."

"sorry sweetheart. i love you, I'll call you later."

end of flashback

the cameraman knew what he was doing with every shot it felt more intimate.

'my spine split from carrying us up the hill

wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill

i stopped tryna make him laugh

stopped tryna drill the safe.'

flashback. a year and a half back.

it felt weird to see him laugh so hard at things he would've never laughed at before. things those strangers said.

his arm wrapped around her shoulders while her body rested against his, drew booked her a flight to the place he was filming the moment she told him she had a few days before her tour started.

so now there she was watching him be someone else, someone he wasn't the second the door closed and it was the two of them alone again.

alone he was someone who still laughed at her jokes and that kissed her lips while doing so.

end of flashback

'thinking: "how much sad did you think I had in me?

oh the tragedy

so long, london

you'll find someone.'

"I don't want someone." drew thought while watching her give probably the performance of her life on that piano.

flashback. a year back.

"you were perfect up there." he kissed her when she run into his arms after finishing her third show in london, his film was almost done and he had the opportunity to go see her.

"thank you for coming, I really missed you." she breath out. "c'mon let's go I'm starving and I need a shower." someone from her team handed her a hoodie.

"you know I just remembered I need a shower too." he said helping her put it on. "it won't be on you for long." he whispered in her ear.

"marcus let's go!" she said to her manager making drew and herself laugh.

after they showered and while they sat in the big bed wearing only robes eating she called for his attention.

"honey are you alright?"

"yeah." he looked up at her. "just feeling I don't know sad?"

"why baby?" she put down the glass in her hand and crawled to him sitting down now in front of him.

"I feel us drifting away and I'm so scared I'll lose you."

"no no drew baby that won't happen." she placed herself in his lap. "I know what if seems like but it's just a rough patch. we'll never have to have that sadness in us, I promise."

end of flashback

'I didn't opt in to he your odd man out

I founded the club she's heard great things about

I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the heat.'

drew felt sick to his stomach while looking at her sing, her body was so in sink with the music but the hurt look in her face was detached from it.

flashback. 11 months back.

laughs disturbed the night in that drew practically forced her to have, cancelling their movie night to go out with some friends and by not inviting her. and two seconds later six persons entered their house.

"oh hi y/n/n." the girl she found obnoxious. odessa was her name, she was probably the only name she remembered from the group that she had met not more than three times. now at her home, she hated strangers in her house without a warning.

"hey, didn't know y'all were coming back here." she looked at drew who pecked her lips.

"yeah thought it was better than stay there all night. not a problem right baby?" she nodded no and smiled her he sat next to her hugging her shoulders."

y/n listened to their chat without saying anything until the name of the bar they went to was mentioned.

"you went to the back dog?"

"yeah cool bar you should go." odessa said.

"yeah kinda inaugurated the place. it's my best friend's brother bar." drew's body tensed.

"it's getting late guys." drew said standing up. "we have an early morning tomorrow." no they didn't but he had fucked up and needed to apologise.

they all said their goodbyes and when he came back, y/n was still sat at the couch.

"don't." she said.

"I fucked up."

"cancelling on our plans at last minute, going to our fucking bar and not inviting me?" she ironically laughed. "fucked up? really? do you think?"

"I'm-" she didn't let him finish.

"sorry, I know."

end of flashback

'I stopped cpr after all is no use

the spirit was gone, we would never come to

and I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.'

staying through their twenties was something she never thought she would regret.

flashback. 10 months back.

y/n blew her candles, twenty-seven.

all her family was there, her in laws and their friends. she wondered when everything became theirs and not hers. it all felt like a heart attack that couldn't be stopped from happening but thing had been so good lately that hope was still there.

"I love you." drew murmured against her lios while his sister took pictures.

"I love you too." she smiled feeling peace for the first time in a while.

he was trying, both of them were trying to make it work.

"god I need a nephew or a nuece already." her younger sister said making everyone laugh.

"well..." she joked and everyone gasped. they both laughed. "you should've seen your faces, I'm not pregnant."

"oh shut up you made my hope go up for a second." madelyn said.

"not year at least, maybe in a few years." drew said.

it was worth it giving all her youth even for free.

end of flashback.

'for so long, london

stitches undone

two graves, one gun

I'll find someone'

y/n felt herself drowning on that stage, her fingers couldn't stop until the end. her body sore, in another place, longing to he back home instead of under the spotlight but home didn't exist anymore and the spotlight was all she had left now.

'and you say I abandoned the ship

but I was going down with it

my white-knuckle dying grip

holding tight to your quiet resentment

and my friends said it isn't right to be scared

every day of a love affair

every breath feels like rarest air

when you're not sure if he wants to be there.'

flashback. six months ago.

"you're giving up!" drew said from across the hotel room.

"I am giving up? are you delusional?" she grabbed her head. "I am giving up? I would've been long gone if it was like that."

"then why are you leaving?" he watched as she continued to put all her clothes in her suitcase.

"because you tricked me! you told me it would be us two and then all of those persons that I don't even know are here?" she sat down and couldn't stop herself from crying. "you can't even stand being alone with me anymore? is it that?"

"baby it isn't like that." he kneeled in front of her. "I told them about it and odessa said it would be fun for them to come too."

"of course she would." she murmured.

"what do you mean?" he tilted her face up with his index finger under her chin.

"she's everywhere, she wants to be everywhere. such an obsession." y/n was so serious on her words drew didn't dare to try and make a joke but he did make a mistake.

"they're my friends, nothing else."

"then let's go, tell them our plans changed and we can go to some other place."

"I can't do that y/n/n, it wouldn't be right." he sighed.

"oh and them getting in our vacation is?" he stayed silent. "choose, I leave alone and you stay here with your friends or you come with me." he once again stayed silent as if there was something to think. "drew..." she whispered looking in his eyes, she felt so stupid to be almost begging her boyfriend to choose her.

"I'll go tell them we're leaving." he kissed her forehead and five minutes later her group chat was blowing up with her friends cursing drew with bailey being the only voice of peace calming her down.

when the door opened again she closed her phone.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. you're right, it's time for us two." he laid next to her placing his hand on her face. "I love you."

end of flashback.

'so how much sad did you think I had

did you think I had in me?

how much tragedy?

just how low did you

think I'd go 'fore I'd self-implode?

'fore I'd have to go be free?'

he remembered her saying that to him in one of the last discussions.

"I want to vomit." he heard elaine say.

"sure thing so do I." chase agreed. "you fucked up dude."

"I know." drew set down his glass on the floor.

"would y'all shut the fuck up? I want to listen." austin shut them down.

'you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?

I died on the altar waitin' for the proof

you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days'

flashback. the last day.

after mackayla's wedding y/n realized their promises of a future wouldn't be more than broken memories left in the past. the hope of it all wasn't there anymore. her tries to talk were dismissed, her tries at all were dismissed.

"I need to tell you something important." y/n said while watching him get ready for something he hadn't even tell her what it was.

"can it wait? I have to go." he looked at her through the reflection of the mirror.

"not really. it's quite important." it was.

"when I come back we'll talk I'm running late." he kissed her lips. "I love you."

she sat alone with piggy next to her on their shared bed.

text

brooke 'did you get to tell him?'

his sister was there for her but not him.

y/n 'didn't get to. he had somewhere to be.'

[instagram post. the last straw.]

brooke 'he's an idiot. I'm sorry.'

y/n 'not your fault, can you come with me tho?'

brooke 'yes of course hon.'

he only remembered about it a week later.

"hey babe." he said walking into the kitchen. "what was what you wanted to tell me last week?"

"nothing, brooke came with me." he furrowed his eyebrows. it wasn't weird for her and his sisters to be together, they were pretty close.

"had to go to the doctor they wanted to check me after they saw something weird in my uterus.

"what? why didn't you tell me?" drew asked.

"you didn't care when I told you I needed to talk and that it was important." she says. "she was the one with your attention but I guess now that we're here I'll tell you. I have to freeze my egs if I want to be a mother someday."

he ignored the part about odessa feeling guilty as hell.

"what? why?" he took the utensil she was holding and put it down, placing his hands in her arms.

"don't act as a concerned boyfriend now drew, please."

"I'm not acting. you're my girlfriend, I'm concerned." he sighed. "why do you have to freeze your egs?"

"my endometriosis worsened. so now I'm at risk of infertility."

"oh baby, I'm sorry." she tried to free herself from his touch. "don't run from me."

"you do from me." she clenched her jaw. "I needed you. I needed you with me and you didn't care when I said it was important." y/n was falling apart infront of him.

"I'm sorry I should've been there." he kisses his forehead.

"yeah you should've." she pushes him away. "but you weren't."

"y/n/n baby."

"I've been giving you every fucking signal but this?" she points between them. "it was the last fucking straw. I don't even care if you're cheating on me."

"I'm not." he exclaims.

"either way I'm done, this is over. you're free to go running to whoever you want but I'm done."

end of flashback

'and I'm just getting color back into my face

i'm just mad as hell 'cause I loved this place for'

'so (So) long (Long), London (London)

'had (Had) a (A) good (Good) run (Run)

'a moment (Moment) of warm sun (Sun)

'but I'm (I'm) not (Not) the (The) one (One)

'so (So) long (Long), London (London)

'stitches (Stitches) undone (Undone)

'two (Two) graves (Graves) one gun (Gun)

'you'll (You'll) find (Find) someone'

the last note and a second later she smiled at the camera but it was missing all the life she used to have.

"I have to go." drew said standing up.

"no." rudy said. "sit there and process everything."

"bro." jonathan spoke.

"nah, he fucked her over. now it need to sink in on his brain, he doesn't her to feel sorry for himself."

[instagram post. vogue.]

[instagram post. my most personal work.]

two months later

[instagram post. would've could've should've.]

text

drew 'we should talk. please'

y/n 'I already said everything. only contact me if it's important, we have nothing else to talk about.'

a month later

[instagram post. but it was fun.]

text

yn 'tell your crazy ass fuck friend to stop sending me messages, if the shoe fits her it fits her.'

drew 'what?. I don't talk to her anymore.'

yn 'get someone to check her fucking head, cause if i receive one more text wishing me to die I'll put a restraining order against her.'

drew 'I'll text her.'

yn 'thank you.'

drew 'are you coming to chase's tonight?'

y/n 'yeah.'

drew 'okay, see you there. hope we can catch up.'

y/n 'maybe'

taglist: @whosyourmommy69 @whosyourmommy69 @gillybear17 @imliterallyamirrorball @nichmeddar @gillybooboo @julczimozart @bellbottombaby @silkylovey @droppedyourhnd @jaydaaasworld @congratsloserr @carrerascameron @m1santhropicc @wearemadeofstardust0 @chiaraanatra @rlalliehayes @ijustwanttoreadlols @sunny1616 @theoraekenslover @user123453226780536 @isaidoop

[fangirlwithlou]

Baby you make me happy cry!! I love you with my whole heart you are so amazing ❤️❤️❤️

Also 🌊 lucas scott please 😘 and I love and I miss you so much baby ❤️

coastal cowgirl (rafe's version) - celebrate 500 followers with me!

ily <3

[fangirlwithlou]

Omg baby I love it!! So cute ❤️

Congratulations baby!! You deserve the world ❤️ you are amazing!!

🌊 clothes over bros

PLEASE 😘

coastal cowgirl (rafe's version) - celebrate 500 followers with me!

hope you like it baby! <3

[fangirlwithlou]

Excuse me!! Hockey romance and rafe yes please!!!! Amazing I am so freakin excited for the next part wtf!!! 😍😍

Taglist please! ❤️

four - hockey player!ex!rafe cameron (pt. 1)

summary: rafe knows he's screwed up, but when he offers you a way to make amends, you can't resist. the catch? he'll have to do the impossible.

word count: 1.8k

a/n: rafe is slightly toxic in this ngl! i am in love with this. hockey romance is very near and dear to me (this is v loosely based on a real life experience). *mwah*

You saw your phone light up out of the corner of your eye and lowered your mascara wand as you leaned over to glance at the screen and let out a shaky sigh.

A part of you knew the right thing to do by now was to block his number. You hadn't responded to a single message he'd sent for over two weeks. And the messages had been relentless.

I'm thinking about you in the afternoons.

Hi beautiful in the mornings.

I'm sorry.

You're still my girl.

And on and on, escalating to paragraphs at night, as he typed out things he'd never once said out loud to you before; about how he felt the first time he met you, the things his teammates said, about how Wheezie was asking about you and Sarah spent an hour on the phone lecturing him, about how he'd do anything to get you back.

Reading his messages was like drinking a honied poison that went down sweet, warming every inch of you, only to make you sick in the end. But you couldn't stop. You couldn't block him. And even though you'd made him think you were ignoring him, you craved every message, every word he said something you had ached to hear when he had the chance.

Now it was two hours before the biggest game of the season, arguably one of the biggest of his career. He should be focusing on his pregame routine, on his way to the rink, if he wasn't there already and instead here he was texting you. You were the one on his mind and you drank that poison down, allowing yourself to feel special, even if the text had made no sense to you.

How many?

How many what?

His last message before that was from a couple of hours ago, before his pregame nap, the one you often took together as he had reminded you, in excruciating detail.

Your fingers twitched with the urge to reply. You knew he was baiting you into responding, but you swallowed down the urge and took a deep breath to still your beating heart and went back to applying your makeup, dragging up the same memory you did every time you were tempted by him.

It was just after 2AM, and you were sitting in your car that you had driven to his apartment, unable to sleep, desperate to talk to him. He lounged in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead at the windshield, tracking the rain that was falling steadily.

"Can you please talk to me?" you whispered, trying so hard not to come across as needy or desperate.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, shrugging, avoiding your eye contact.

"I don't know, just tell me what's going on with you? You barely talk to me anymore, you won't even look at me. Did I do something?"

He shrugged again and you felt physically sick. Maybe it was because you couldn't remember the last thing you'd eaten, the last time you'd slept more than a few fitful hours, all consumed with the feeling that your five-year relationship was running off the rails. Rumors were flying that there was another girl... or girls... And when you had asked him about it, he brushed it off, not strongly enough to give you even an ounce of comfort. You were falling apart. And he was letting it happen. He was forcing you to end this, too cowardly to do it himself.

"Do you even want to be with me anymore?" you whispered, barely audible over the pounding rain, like maybe if he didn't hear you, he couldn't answer.

He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed loudly, frustrated, like you were just so annoying to him, and you wished you could suck your words back into your mouth.

"I have practice in like four hours, I can't be doing this with you right now" he said, aptly avoiding the conversation again.

Your chin was wobbling and you bit back everything you wanted to say, not wanting to be needy, or nagging, hoping if you were on your very best behavior he would have a change of heart, change his mind.

You pursed your lips and nodded, averting your gaze to look out at the rain and gathering the strength you needed to say the words that felt like nails in your mouth.

"I can't do this anymore" you whimpered, as tears fell that matched the droplets on your windshield. "I can't keep giving 100% and getting nothing in return. I'm sitting here spilling my heart out to you and you won't even look at me. After everything we've been through... You won't even deny that you hooked up with her."

Silence.

You could see him grimace, the tic in his jaw as he pushed his tongue into his cheek. You wanted to grab the front of his sweatshirt, shake him and scream 'SAY SOMETHING!'. But you didn't. And his silence persisted a moment longer.

"So that's it then?" he said finally, like you had any other choice.

You wiped futilely at the tears that were now pouring down your face, even as you tried to hold them back, sniffling with a shaky breath to avoid outright sobbing in front of him.

He opened the car door, got out, slamming it forcefully behind him without so much as a glance your way and you broke down. You didn't make it one block before you had to pull over. You couldn't see, you couldn't breath, and you couldn't hold your hands steady on the wheel you were shaking so badly. You threw your car in park, lay your head on the steering wheel and cried.

Two days passed before the first text came in.

"I'm sorry" is all it said.

You could see the bubbles at the bottom of the screen, indicating that he was still typing before more messages appeared.

At this point you were grasping your phone with both hands, like a lifeline, eyes glued to the screen, heart hammering so hard in your chest you felt nauseous and your hands were shaking. There was a chance, a glimmer, a hope and you were clinging to it.

Your fingers hovered over your phone, ready to forgive him, to forget, to run right back to the way things had been, to have him looking for you at the end of every game, for stolen kisses in the parking lot at the arena, to whispered I love yous as you fell asleep in his arms. And then more messages came flooding in.

More messages were coming now but you couldn't read any further. Your heart was battering around your ribcage like a pinball machine with the whiplash of information: your boyfriend of five years had been actively texting another girl... because she was easygoing, and fun to talk to and didn't stress him out… like you did.

Your tears were back like no time had passed from the night you broke up, heavy sobs coming from your mouth at how stupid you felt, at all the rumors being true. And did you really believe that nothing more had happened between them? He was Rafe fucking Cameron of the Carolina Eagles.

Your eyes skimmed over the second half of his message, about how you were it for him, about how much he loved you, how he wanted to marry you and for you to have his babies?? The ache of wanting that so desperately to be true and knowing it couldn't be was too much for you as you turned and cried into your pillow.

You recalled all of those messages now as a new one came in. You shoved your finger into the bruise on your heart, forcing yourself to feel that pain again, to imagine him laying in bed, in the bed you had slept in with him, while he texted another girl, maybe even texted both of you at the same time, and you refocused on your makeup.

You had faithfully followed the Eagles for five years, his teammates were some of your best friends, like brothers to you. Despite everything that had happened with Rafe, you weren't going to miss their game tonight. Rafe's best friend and linemate Nick had texted you earlier in the week to let you know he had a ticket for you.

Fine. It was hard to say no to that. Everyone you knew would be there anyway and you didn't need Rafe thinking he had power over you if you weren't there. So, you were going. And you decided if you were going to go you were going to look stunning, and as you put the finishing touches on your makeup, there was no doubt in your mind that you were.

You had spent more time on your hair and makeup than potentially every other game that season combined. You may have gotten a little comfy towards the end, wearing Rafe's team-issued sweatshirt with his name and number on it and a pair of leggings. He claimed that he loved you in that, but that wouldn't cut it tonight. You wore skintight jeans that accentuated every perfect curve of your body, heeled booties and a tight-fitting long sleeve shirt. Your hair was immaculate and your makeup was admittedly a little extra for an AHL game, but effortless nonetheless as it amplified your natural beauty. The pain in your heart had been ebbing its way into anger: you were going to make him regret every single thing he'd done, the thought nagging at you as your phone lit up again.

You huffed. You had been strong for weeks, and now he was throwing that at you?

Your perfectly manicured fingers hovered over your phone as you nibbled your glossed bottom lip, and finally relented.

What the hell? you thought, confused.

Feeling pretty good about your level of engagement, you sent another question mark before his response came in.

You scoffed before laughing out loud. He was truly unbelievable. You weren't on some sort of barter system here. This wasn't a deal you had ever discussed nor agreed to. This isn't how the world worked, this isn't how relationships worked. It was stupid. So so stupid. And Rafe wasn't the team's lead goal scorer anyway. Sure he was good for a flashy goal every few games, maybe two, but this was the semi-finals of the league championship, everything was on the line here, it was not the time to be playing games...

...But damn if you didn't love the semblance of power he'd given you over the situation, and you desperately wanted to fuck with him.

Four goals in one game. Essentially impossible. A joke. Sidney Crosby, arguably the best player in the NHL at the moment hadn't even achieved that. But not a second passed before his reply came through, simple, straightforward, no arguing or complaining:

"Done"

And then:

"I love you!"

"I'll be looking for you 😍"

You rolled your eyes, throwing your phone down on your bed, annoyed at yourself for even answering him.

And yet you couldn't fight the smallest bit of excitement you felt.

It was impossible. It was never going to happen, but Rafe Cameron was going to try to win you back.

part two - coming soon!

taglist: @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @moremaybank, @one-sweet-gubler, @m-indkiller, @ihe4rttwd, @diary-of-jj, @crlsummer, @jjsbank444

[fangirlwithlou]

coastal cowgirl (oth version) - tee's 500 celebration

hey cutie heads!!! I'm so excited to have you all here in this space and I can't believe there are already 500 of you here!!! i'll admit that i've neglected this blog a lot since my surgery in november, but i'm excited to start pouring my energy into it again. This little celebration is so special because there are 500 of you here?! like what the hell! don't ever know what i did to have so many of you still cheering me on after multiple blog transfers and three years of writing on here, but i'm so thankful! this is def gonna help get me out of the slump that i've been in! there's a new rafe fic on the rise and the theme/hints are given in the cover art of this post. can you guess what it is?????!!!!

for this celebration:

the rules are simple: please send only one ask in at a time so I can keep track of them all and remember to be kind! anything inappropriate or unkind will be deleted + you will be blocked otherwise! this celebration will run until tuesday may 07th at midnight EST.

do not interact if you are a minor!

so excited to celebrate with you! ily so much!

🌊 clothes over bros: send in this and i'll ss an outfit i think you'd wear based on your vibe via pinterest + share it here.

🌊 peyton's album collection: send this in + I will share a song that reminds me of you based on your blog or our interactions together.

🌊 lucas scott: send this in + i'll write you a love note (mutuals only).

🌊 tric: (mutuals only) send this in and i'll create a moodboard based off of the vibe you give off.

🌊 tree hill ravens: send this in to tell me your guess on the new series + i'll tell you if you're close or not heheh <3

🌊 tutor girl: send this in with your preferred fandom and I'll tell you which character I ship you with.

tagging some moots: (sorry if i've missed anyone)

@ghostlyfleur @forevermoreharrington @inkluvs @mackarroni2 @hey-barnes-stole-a-jeep @promiscuousbarnes @maroon-winestain @scenesofobx @rafesthroatbaby @allsmilesreally7 @rafesmuse @hotchsstuff @mvybanks @forevermorelovelorn @ivoirerose @itsalexwin

[fangirlwithlou]

(not) my girl - rafe cameron

summary: if rafe cameron is so sure he doesn't need to be seen with you at midsummers, you are more than happy to oblige (or) the time you drove rafe insane with jealousy.

word count: 3.4k

a/n: inspired by this post by the sweet @writingsbychlo ♡

You were curled up on Rafe’s lap, head resting on his shoulder with his arms circled around you and his fingers mindlessly tracing patterns on your thigh as he talked with his friends around the firepit in his backyard.

You had been hooking up for a few months and recently you felt like you were right on the cusp of him asking you to make things official, exclusive. You were spending nearly every night together and every time he asked to talk or wanted to hang out you got your hopes up that this would be the time he brought it up, only to be crushed over and over again.

Deep down, you knew how Rafe felt. People who were ‘just hooking up’ didn’t beg you to stay every morning, didn’t make room in their dresser for you, didn’t wake you up with featherlight kisses to your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, face breaking into a ridiculous smile when your eyes fluttered open to find his drinking you in, they didn’t call you during a panic attack after fighting with their dad, pleading to hear your voice as the only thing that would calm them down. No, you were pretty sure you knew exactly how this boy felt, but you wanted him to acknowledge it. You ached to hear him say with pride ‘that’s my girl’, to mark you as his own.

Your eyes flitted across the fire to your best friend Olivia who wiggled her eyebrows at the sight of you and Rafe together, all too aware of the situationship you were in and how badly you wanted him. You blushed and rolled your eyes back at her, just trying to enjoy this small moment where he showed his affection for you in front of other people. She winked at you before interrupting the conversation.

“Sooo, who is everyone taking to Midsummers?”

You shot her a look that screamed what the hell are you doing!? You were still holding out hope that Rafe was going to ask you, even though it was less than a week away. Maybe he had an elaborate, last-minute surprise planned?

“Feel pretty good about my date” Kelce murmured, pressing a kiss to Olivia’s cheek as she giggled. “What about you Top, still intent on macking on Rafe’s sister?” he asked. Topper threw an empty beer can at him as everyone laughed.

“I don’t know why we even bother with dates” Rafe said. “We’re just gonna dick around together all night anyway, there’s no point.” He took a swig of his beer without meeting your gaze. You felt your cheeks warm in embarrassment and a painful ache in your throat as you tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spring forward. You met Olivia’s gaze again and she nodded encouragingly towards Rafe.

“W-what about me, Cameron?” you asked, trying to mask your feelings, to sound chill as you poked him in the side.

He looked at you sweetly, “C’mon and say what when my dad asks about you? ‘Hey dad, here’s the girl I’ve been sneaking through the back door every night and smashing while you and Rose are three doors down? Hard pass.” He laughed, focusing back on his beer and his friends as you felt his hand slide off your leg.

You allowed yourself to be genuinely upset for three days.

You didn’t sleep at Tanneyhill for the first time in months, you didn’t even answer his texts which grew increasingly more insistent the more you ignored them. You stayed home, you cried, and you contemplated what the fuck you were doing with your life. Was that really all you were to him – just someone he was sneaking around with? Did you somehow become that girl, too naïve and too stupid to see that she wasn’t and would never be anything more than a hookup?

You thought about the way Rafe reached for you and held you in his sleep, the way his hands ghosted over your body, the things he’d whisper in your ear, the times you’d ridden shotgun in his truck or he’d taken you to his favorite spot on the beach… Your heart was so sure about him, but your head throbbed with the echo of his words.

You and Olivia talked incessantly about it, dissecting everything he’d said. “Maybe he just needs a little push, a little… motivation?” she suggested, and the more you talked about it, the more you realized she was right.

If Rafe Cameron was so sure he didn’t need to be seen with you at Midsummers, you were more than happy to oblige.

The last of the hot summer sun was settling over the ocean as you climbed the front steps of the Island Club in daring three-inch heels; the added height gave your figure a perfect sway that simply begged people to watch you as you walked by. Your dress had a thigh-high slit, open back, and was the perfect color for your skin tone, illuminating you; the neckline was devilishly tantalizing, giving the desired effect of drawing all eyes to the dazzling diamond pendant that reflected the setting sun.

Rafe heard you before he saw you; rather, he heard a sea of murmurs rippling through the crowd which drew his attention to the doors just as you walked through by yourself, essentially announcing to the island that you were alone for the night.

“Geezus” he heard Topper mutter under his breath as he took you in. Normally, he would have known better and normally Rafe would have put his head through a wall for glaring at you the way he was, but even though his fists clenched in response and he wanted to turn and say something to him, he simply couldn’t take his eyes off of you; “Geezus” didn’t even begin to cover it.

You were always undeniably beautiful to Rafe: when you wore his oversized sweatshirt around the fire pit, when you were makeup-less in your wet bikini at the beach, and especially when you were wearing next to nothing tangled up in his limbs and his soft sheets, but the dress you had on, the way your hair shone in the last rays of the sun, the way you were positively radiating had his pulse throbbing in his neck, his adam’s apple bobbing and his palms sweating. Fuck, I am so happy she’s mine he thought to himself, smiling and moving to walk towards you as your eyes met his across the crowd.

You were glowing at him and sent him a discreet smile as you greeted people and made your way in his direction. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on you, to have you at his side so everyone knew you were his. You approached your friends, dropping a kiss on Topper and Kelce’s cheeks before doing the same to Rafe. You made to move past him quickly, intent on talking to Olivia when he grabbed your hand.

“Hey, hold up you-you look…” he started to say, trying and struggling to find the words to capture the way his heart was pounding in his chest.

Your wide eyes met his expectantly and just when he opened his mouth to speak, they flitted over his shoulder.

“Oh! Sorry, Rafey! Just saw someone I want to catch up with, I’ll see you later” and without another word you walked away, leaving Rafe Cameron, the King of Kildare staring and stuttering after you.

You were walking away from him? he thought. You had seemed so adamant about this whole Midsummers thing, dropping hints about going together and now here he was, practically ready to get down on one knee at the sight of you, and you were walking away from him? He was speechless. He turned to watch you go… right into the arms of another man. He looked to be about your age, the same height and a similar build as Rafe, because of course Rafe was sizing him up, how could he not? This guy had his paws all over his girl. And then, after a moment’s realization, he thought darkly, she’s not your girl…

You had greeted this guy with a huge hug, and he’d nearly lifted you off the ground, now he had your full attention and you were laughing at something he said, the most sweet and perfect sound that Rafe wanted only for himself.

As everyone took their seat for dinner, you intentionally positioned yourself across the table from Rafe. The slight of not sitting next to him where he could run his fingers up your thigh or tangle them in your own left him fidgeting instead, buttoning and unbuttoning his jacket and swirling his drink. What the fuck did I used to do with my hands? he thought angrily.

You paid him no mind, instead, leaning forward on your elbows and toying with the diamond pendant around your neck, fingering it, twirling it and sliding it back and forth on its chain.

“Holy DIAMOND, girl!” Olivia said as she took note of your necklace and leaned over to get a closer look. “Is it new, where is it from?” her eyes shot from you to Rafe and back again.

He glared at you both over the rim of his glass as he took a deep gulp, trying to act unphased but also extremely curious to hear your answer knowing damn well it wasn’t from him.

Your eyes flitted to Rafe briefly before you leaned towards Olivia, lowering your voice, but not so low that he couldn’t hear you. “It was… a gift from… someone special” you said winking conspiratorially at her.

Rafe choked on his drink just as someone was standing up at the front of the crowd to make a speech, shifting everyone’s attention and interrupting the slew of words that nearly poured out of his mouth.

Who the fuck on Kildare fucking Island was buying his girl jewelry? he thought. And then, again, he reminded himself, she’s not your girl… the thought making his whole body tense, rigid and taught in anger and frustration.

For the next 20 minutes, all he could do was stare at you as you twiddled that ridiculous necklace in your fingers, imagining what it would be like to rip it off of you and replace it with something twice as nice. He was mentally calculating how much he would spend and how quickly he could get it when JJ Maybank passed by their table. Rafe had a snarky comment on the tip of his tongue until he watched JJ do a double take at you and stop in his tracks.

Don’t do it, Maybank, Rafe thought. Don’t you dare do it.

He watched JJ eye you and the distance between you and Rafe and, deeming it safe, peddled back, pulling a glass of champagne off his tray and handing it to you with a flourish. He knelt down next to your seat and when you turned to talk to him, it left JJ perfectly eye level with your cleavage. He was whispering something to you and you rested your hand on his bicep as you leaned forward to hear him. Rafe could see you blushing, and he watched Maybank take in every greedy eyeful of you. Rafe stood up so abruptly, it knocked his chair over and rattled the plates on the table. Everyone looked up at him, including you, and for the first time that night he had your full attention as your eyes widened at his reaction.

“YN, inside, let’s go” he said simply, walking to your side of the table.

You raised an eyebrow at him and his demanding tone.

“And Maybank if you don’t stop staring at her tits, I will put your face through this table.”

JJ quickly stood up and backed away with his hands raised in surrender as Rafe approached you.

“Rafe we were just—” you started.

“— Inside. Now” he said, taking you forcefully by the arm and leading you inside and into the locker room.

“Rafe! Come on! Stop it! I want to spend the night with my friends, I don’t know what you possibly have to be mad at” you said in resistance.

And that was the very last straw for him.

“WHAT I HAVE TO BE MAD AT?!” he said, incredulous, nearly shouting. “Where do I even begin with you!? You blow me off all week, then you waltz in here looking like an absolute bombshell, wearing next to nothing – I swear to God, I’ve seen you in bikinis with more material - every guy here is leering at you. Then you’re talking to that jackass who had his hands all over you…” he said, exasperated.

At this point he was pacing, his voice continuing to rise in anger and frustration. “…And then Maybank?! Maybank of all people?! He was flirting with you right in front of me. Was it to make me jealous? Is that what this is all about? Because I’m about to lose my fucking mind YN” he said running his hands through his hair, giving you sick pleasure knowing it took him probably an hour to style it. A surprised if not amused look rested on your face as you continued to twirl your necklace in your fingers.

“And who the fuck gave you that” he pointed accusingly at the diamond in your hand, not giving you a single second to respond, “No. Absolutely not. Take it off. Right now” he said, walking briskly towards you in an effort to do it himself.

You held out a hand to stop him.

“I don’t know what the big deal is Rafe” you said innocently. “What difference does it make? I’m just the girl you’re sneaking through your back door every night to smash” you shrugged, your eyes burning at him.

His eyes widened as he heard his own words on your lips.

“No, that’s – that’s not – I didn’t mean” he stuttered.

You gave him a vicious look as you watched the gears turn in his head and he tried to string a sentence together.

“Look, I didn’t mean it like that – I shouldn’t have – what I meant was – ahh, fuck it” he said, taking a step forward and closing the distance between you in an instant, one hand holding your face firmly as he pushed you against the lockers and the other coming to rest on the wall beside you, caging you in against him as he pressed his lips bruisingly to yours, devouring you, just like he’d wanted to do all night.

You wanted to stay strong, to argue, to tell him he wasn’t going to win you over like this. But he was. He so so was as he deepened the kiss almost instantly and the pad of his thumb ran across your cheek sending a shiver through your body. When he finally felt you relent and kiss him back, winding your arms around his neck and pulling yourself flush to him he let out a small groan that almost made you forget the whole point of tonight. Almost.

You pulled back, leaving not even an inch between you. The feeling of you kissing him had calmed him down significantly. His breathing had slowed but his cheeks were still flushed and his hair was mussed. He lingered there, his nose brushing yours as he stroked your cheek.

“You’re my girl” he whispered finally.

“Are you asking or telling?” you whispered back.

“Do I really need to ask, princess?” he said, meeting your gaze with his own.

You raised an eyebrow at him threateningly.

He rolled his eyes and said in a sigh, “Be mine?”

You bit your bottom lip and pretended to think about it. “Gosh, I don’t know” you said, pressing a slow kiss to his lips “M’might have to think about it” you said, pressing another kiss there, lingering longer “Mm’might need some convincing” you said, kissing him again and running your hands up his chest.

His voice was low but steady, “I will take you home right now and convince you as many times as you need me to” he said, kissing you back through a smile.

“Deal” you replied sweetly.

You moved to leave but he didn’t let you go and when you met his gaze, his brow was furrowed, his eyes searching yours. “I am serious though, about this, about you” he said. “I’m sorry I fucked up.” He looked uncharacteristically bashful, unsure even. “Really, are you mine?” he whispered.

“Yes, Rafe,” you said as your heart fluttered in your chest “All yours.”

He smiled stupidly, so far gone for you as he kissed you again. You were completely lost in the moment until he muttered against you, “Then please for the love of God will you take that necklace off and tell me who in the hell thought they could buy you something like that?”

You met his eyes strongly, the last embers of your pain crackling there.

“No” you said simply, continuing quickly when he tried to interrupt you. “I’m going to keep it and wear it whenever I damn well please to remind you of what you have and what you sure as hell want don’t want to lose.”

He looked genuinely shocked to hear you challenge him like that and you could see a tic in his jaw as he worked it back and forth in anger.

“I… hate that” he growled. “What if I buy you something nicer?”

You shrugged noncommittally and he shook his head at you. “Fine, let’s get out of here, that dress is killing me and I have a lot of convincing I want to do to you right now.” You giggled as he grabbed your hand and led you back outside, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

When you rejoined the party there were a few murmurs and glances as you hung off his arm. Were you imagining it, or was he taking the long way back to your table, intentionally parading you around the patio and staring daggers at anyone whose gaze lingered too long? Being seen together at Midsummers was basically shouting from the rooftops that you were official. You were glowing, he was too. You said goodbye to your friends and within minutes you were in his truck headed back to Tanneyhill, his hand rubbing circles higher and higher on your thigh, your fingers in his hair.

He threw the car in park and scooped you over his shoulder, carrying you all the way upstairs like that, which had you shrieking in delight. He didn’t set you down until you were in his room and he kissed you feverishly, his hands cupping your face, before his fingers traced your neck, nearing your necklace.

“Rafe” you muttered against his lips, a warning.

“Just tell me who” he muttered back, unable to let it go and kissing you deeper in the hopes of convincing you. “I’m already gonna to buy you a new one, you’ll never wear this again, but I need to know. Can’t stop thinking about someone else with their hands on you” he said as he guided you backwards towards his bed, pushing you gently onto his comforter and crawling on top of you.

“I don’t like it. I do not fucking like it” he growled against your lips. Under his anger, you detected a hint of vulnerability and you broke your kiss just long enough to look into his eyes, which gazed longingly at you as they searched your face. Perhaps you had tortured this poor boy enough.

You sighed, relenting.

“Olivia” you said.

He looked at you, completely confused for only a moment before the realization dawned on his face and he hung his head.

“There isn’t anyone else” he said in equal parts relief, frustration and embarrassment.

You shook your head at him.

“God I’m so fucking stupid” he said.

You giggled before reaching behind your neck to unclasp the necklace and toss it on his bedside table.

He looked at you with heat and tenderness, “I’m sorry that’s what it took for me to get my shit together. I wish it all happened differently, but I don’t regret it. You’re it for me, YN, no one else.”

He placed a kiss beneath your ear, to your throat, to your bare collarbone. “My girl” he whispered against your skin, enjoying how it felt on his tongue and the sound of your sweet laughter in response.

taglist: @ietss, @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @moremaybank, @one-sweet-gubler, @m-indkiller, @diary-of-jj, @crlsummer, @jjsbank444

[fangirlwithlou]

🥵

As the hours dragged on, your restlessness intensified. You shifted on the couch, glancing at your phone and repeatedly checking the time. Standing up, you stretched your legs.

“Rafe?”

He had been on Xbox live for hours, playing with Topper and Kelce.

“Yeah, babe?” He responded, eyes glued to the screen.

“I’m sooo bored.”

“Sorry, baby. Just a little longer. What? No, I’m talking to y/n, Top, not you.”

Craving some excitement, an idea sparked in your mind.

You nestled between his legs, tracing your hands along his thighs until you reached the button of his pants. Slowly, seductively, you unbuttoned them, hands trembling with anticipation.

He looked down at you for a second, eyes wide, but nodding at you to continue.

Pulling his pants down, his half hard member was exposed. It didn’t take much for you to get him hard.

Leaning in, your breath warm on his skin, you teased him with your tongue. Exploring his body with your hands, he moaned, pushing against you, but you pulled back teasingly. Locking eyes with him, you smiled, then took him into your mouth, tongue running along his length, hands caressing his thighs. His breath quickened as you continued, hands moving faster, feeling him grow harder and tighter in your mouth, letting a moan escape his lips.

“Oh! Um yeah, I’m fine, Kelce,” he choked into his mic. “Just got distracted for a second, that’s all.”

Humming around him, you released him, flashing a mischievous grin.

“Should I stop?” you whispered.

He shook his head no, attempting to guide you back down, controller lopsided, causing him to mess up something in the game.

“Sorry! Sorry, Top. Yeah, that was my bad.”

You obliged, taking him into your mouth again, bobbing with force until you took all of him, squeezing his balls with your hands. His cock twitched as he grunted, a sign he was close. You pulled away quickly.

"Fuck."

"Uh, uh," you scolded.

"I'll give you what you want, but you have to give me what I want."

He ripped off his headset, turned off the TV, and grabbed your head, thrusting his cock into your mouth. Holding you in place, he pumped his hips, forcing you to gag with each movement. Trying to pull back, his grip was unyielding.

“You are in no position to make demands, are you, baby?"

Slightly releasing his hold, you shook your head 'no'. He continued, tightening his grip on your hair, thrusting into your mouth forcefully. A few more pumps before he pulled back from you.

“Open up, baby.”

And you did, sticking your tongue out at him, gazing at him through your lashes as he shot his hot load into your mouth. “Don’t swallow it yet, angel, this is quite a sight,” he said as he gripped your chin.

You stayed there with his cum in your mouth for a few more seconds before he gave you the okay to swallow.

“You taste amazing,” you said, “I could suck you off all day.”

“I would let you, but you still need to pay for your little stunt, babygirl.”

[fangirlwithlou]

*sees a beloved mutual in the notes* hi honey

[fangirlwithlou]

I can’t fix him but I could fuck him.

[fangirlwithlou]

Perfect!! 🥹❤️

the blind date - rafe cameron

summary: your friends set you and rafe up on a blind date, but it doesn't go quite as you'd expected.

words: 1.7k

a/n: based on this request ♡♡ the way this has me giggling and kicking my feet in the air - ahhhh!

“Alright lemme make sure I have this straight: unlimited access to your jet skis for the rest of the summer, your season tickets to the first two Panthers home games, and two cases of whatever beer I want?” Rafe confirmed, looking over to the driver’s seat at his friend Dylan who huffed in reply and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Yes, dude, that’s what we agreed on. Christ, it’s a blind date, not a death sentence. I swear to God if Maddie didn’t put me up to this, I would’ve left your ass to wallow at home alone.”

“I’m doing you a favor” Rafe replied, “It’s the least you could do.”

“I’m telling you she’s hot, you know you might actually be into her, did you even consider that?”

Rafe looked at him completely perplexed. “What makes you think I’m even looking for a girl? I do just fine as it is, thank you very much, plus you and I have very different tastes.” A pause. “Can I please see her insta?”

“We’ve been over this. No. Maddie said it would defeat the purpose of the ‘blind’ part of a blind date.”

“So fucking stupid” Rafe said as he shook his head and looked out the passenger side window.

You had gotten to the restaurant early; your best friend Maddie wanted to make sure every little thing was perfect and she was practically bubbling over with excited energy at the prospect of your blind date.

“This is going to be amazing, I just know it!!!” she said enthusiastically. “He is so your type, I will be at your wedding, babes, I swear it! Ahhh!” She had pulled you into the bathroom and was fluffing up your hair, touching up your lip gloss and tugging at your dress.

“So happy you went with this one, like yes you will thank me later, you look so damn hot.”

For all her flustered energy, you appreciated her hype and as you looked in the mirror you kinda had to agree with her. She had helped with your hair and makeup and the result was truly stunning; you had just the right amount of makeup on to make your natural beauty pop. Your dress was a little more revealing than you were used to, but it did make you feel confident and who knows, the way she talked about this guy, maybe it would all work out?

“Okay, okay, enough fussing, I’m already nervous enough. Can we please get a drink? I need a drink” you said, moving to walk out of the bathroom as she checked her own appearance in the mirror one last time before following you.

“Yes, good idea, you go loosen up, I’m going to make sure they got us that table by the window.”

You sidled up to the bar and leaned your arms on it, happy to have a moment’s reprieve from Maddie’s frenetic energy as you looked around in an attempt to distract yourself. The restaurant was really cute, coastal and modern and there was a sizable crowd between the bar and dining area. The steady thump of tropical house music played softly in the background which calmed your nerves and lifted your mood.

Within moments the bartender spotted you and made his way over. He was just about to greet you when he glanced over your shoulder. “Rafe! What’s up!” he said enthusiastically. “So sorry m’am, just one moment” he apologized as he clapped hands with the tall stranger that had walked up beside you. “What can I get you, bro?”

Rafe was smiling at the bartender and glanced at you briefly when he realized you’d been snubbed. It was a quick glance but he did a double take before he could control himself. You were… simply perfect. Your face held an expression of amusement and surprise with a clear smile that rested on perfectly glossed lips. You had an effortless air about you like you woke up every morning looking that good and then immediately every part of him wanted to know what you’d really look like in the morning… in his bed… at Tanneyhill… the sun reaching through the blinds…

What the fuck is the matter with me? he thought suddenly. And then, Fuck. Was I staring?

The bartender was looking at him expectantly with an eyebrow raised. He asked me something. Drink. A drink. What do I want to drink?

“Yeah man, I’ll have a bourbon, neat, and uh, whatever she wants” he replied, nodding his head towards you.

You smirked at him before glancing at the bartender, “Spicy margarita please, and since he’s paying, I’ll take it with Patrón.”

“Oof” Rafe said, grabbing his chest with his hand like you’d delivered a physical blow to him, “Way to take advantage.”

You laughed and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Yeah, well, I don’t believe in coincidences, and it just so happens I need some liquid courage. If a handsome stranger is offering, I’m taking top shelf.”

Rafe pursed his lips and nodded, trying to tamp down the feeling in his heart that you'd called him handsome. He glanced back towards the door to see if he could see Dylan and couldn’t find him. Good he thought, allowing himself to feel guilty for half a second until he refocused on the sight of you in front of him.

He cleared his throat. “So, uh, liquid courage?” he asked.

“I’m meeting a date here actually” you said, shaking your head, your blushed cheeks turning slightly rosier. “It’s a whole thing…” you trailed off, waving your hand dismissively.

Rafe couldn’t reason with himself why he felt so angry that you were here for someone else. Thankfully the drinks arrived which gave him a moment to process as he watched you take a deep sip of your drink.

‘What asshole doesn’t pick a girl up and take her on the date himself?’ he thought. Well, he thought he thought before he realized he’d said it out loud as you nearly choked on your drink in laughter.

You shook your head again, smiling and laughing “It’s not like that, it’s –”

“—Nah, I’m sorry, it’s not my business, I shouldn’t have said that” he interrupted, mortified that he'd let that slip.

“You’re fine” you reassured him. “It was sweet. It’s nice to know there are still decent men out there willing to keep things chivalrous.”

I would’ve picked you up he thought. On time. Walked to your front door. Flowers in hand.

His head was spinning. What the fuck is going on with me. He looked down at his drink and then drank it in one swig. When he set the glass down, he caught your look of amusement as he coughed.

“You good?” you asked, giggling.

He grimaced, “I will be” he said, holding up his empty to signal the bartender for another.

“Is my company that bad?” you joked.

His eyes darted to yours, “Quite the opposite, sweetheart” he said in a low voice that you felt from your beating heart to your fingertips to your belly and shaky knees. Shit you thought as you registered the effect this man had on you.

You blushed and met his warm gaze, realizing for the first time how deeply blue his eyes were, like sapphires. The two of you stood there, an arms-length away and it was like time stood still. You could feel your pulse in your throat, feel your body tingling like it was physically reacting to his proximity. Was he stepping closer to you or were you imagining it? His eyes left yours for only an instant to look at your lips and in that moment he had you hook line and sinker.

Suddenly, your phone buzzed on the bar in front of you and you jumped. He took an imperceptible step back, clearing his throat.

“S-sorry” you mumbled, quickly swiping open a text from Maddie: ‘Where r u?!!!!”

Shit.

“I-I’ve got to…” you waved your phone by way of excuse and nodded your head towards the tables, literally unable to string a sentence together at this point.

“Yeah, no problem” Rafe said, as casually as he could muster as you moved to leave. “Try to have a good time. And, hey” he said, capturing your attention one more time “Tell this guy he better give you a ride next time, okay? None of this high school ‘I’ll meet you there’ shit, okay?”

You laughed at your little inside joke and met his gaze one more time before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

Rafe’s next drink arrived and he slammed it back instantly before settling the tab, leaving a hefty cash tip and making his way towards the dining room.

Dylan fucking owes me he thought through gritted teeth, grimacing all the way through the crowded room, replaying your smile, the way you'd looked at him through thick eyelashes, even the way you’d smelled: like vanilla and coconut.

He was clenching and unclenching his fists as he searched the crowd, willing this godawful date to be over before it had even started. Finally he caught a glimpse of Maddie’s bright hair and Dylan’s frame at a table by the window; he moved to shift around several people when his eyes met yours, seated next to Maddie, across from an empty seat.

“Oh my god” you said, covering your mouth with your hand, stifling a fit of laughter and joy when you caught his eye.

He began to laugh too, the tension in his body immediately dissipating as he rubbed a hand over his face in an attempt to wipe away the goofy grin he felt there as he took his seat.

“What is going on, do you two know each other, what am I missing?” Maddie demanded.

“Nothing, it’s nothing, Mads” you said, giggling as your eyes danced and twinkled at Rafe.

She narrowed her eyes as they darted between the two of you. “Okaayyyyy, well YN, this is Rafe!”

“So, so nice to meet you” you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm, though you were thrilled to actually know his name.

“The pleasure is truly mine, sweetheart” he played back, a knowing smile resting on his lips that had you bursting at the seams as you two ogled each other.

Maddie and Dylan looked at you both like you were crazy as you just stared and giggled at one another before they gave up and settled back into their own conversation and you and Rafe picked up your menus.

“Tomorrow at 7:00” Rafe said just quietly enough for you to hear him as he pretended to eye the menu.

“What?” you whispered in reply.

“Be ready tomorrow at 7:00. I’m taking you out. And I’ll be picking you up this time” he said as he shot you a smirk over his menu.

taglist: @ietss, @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @moremaybank, @one-sweet-gubler, @m-indkiller, @diary-of-jj, @crlsummer

[fangirlwithlou]

Always 😉❤️

i have some old smut rafe fics i'd like to post, let me know if you guys would be into that!

[fangirlwithlou]

And it was awesome. 😍If anyone ever questions the fact that Tanner is an amazing friend this is your sign that she is in fact the best ❤️ ily baby and happy early birthday to you bestie, hope you have an amazing one, you deserve it! ❤️

happy early bday <33333 ily

🎂

hi baby <3 thank you sm!!!

hope you like this — an excerpt from bday blue that I wrote for @fangirlwithlou on her bday two years ago!

“Holidays – webster defines them as important events – events that mark passage and religion and somehow that equates to being seamlessly surrounded by the people you hold nearest to your heart. As long as you could remember, holidays and special events had been your driving factor; you – the epitome of golden, gift-giving to those around you in an attempt to make them feel as loved as you did just by being in their lives.”

tee’s birthday celebration 🍾

[fangirlwithlou]

Babygirl omg you are insane, that was insane!! Amazing gorgeous hot and perfect!! You write the greatest smut ever 🥵🥵 give me this now please 😍

heaven — j.m. & r.c.

pairing: bf!rafe cameron x pogue!reader x jj maybank

warnings: smut 18+, threesome, vaginal sex, anal sex, double penetration, fingering, oral sex (m. receiving), degradation, praise, hair pulling, creampie

word count: 3.3k

summary: to your biggest surprise, your boyfriend rafe lets jj join you and him for a night.

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“Rafe! Baby! Stop it!” you giggled while trying to move away as Rafe aggressively kissed your neck and squeezed your tits. Though you made every effort to resist, the way he touched your body and knew exactly what spots turned you on left you craving for more with the scent of his expensive cologne filling your nose combined with the whiskey he had earlier. “Mmh, no.” he grunted, continuing to attack your sensitive neck with kisses and leaving hickeys everywhere he could. You tried your hardest to push him away, to no avail as he was significantly stronger than you.

“Baby, stop, JJ is gonna be here soon with the weed” you reminded him, referring to your friend JJ stopping by to bring you some much-needed weed following an exhausting week. Rafe was initially pissed to hear that you asked JJ for it, but it was the cheapest and easiest option for you. And after looking at Rafe with your big doe eyes to please let JJ give you some weed, he agreed, but only if he was there too when JJ stopped by, because there was no way in hell he would allow you to be alone with him.

You ran your fingers through his hair as he now tugged your top down, causing your tits to spill out as he began sucking on your nipples, eliciting an unexpected moan from you. Your now-exposed skin was prickled with goosebumps from the cool breeze coming through the open window. “And when is he supposed to be here?” Rafe asked, well aware that JJ was late again but he couldn’t wait any longer, feeling hungry for you. “An… hour ago” “Exactly. Bet the fucker won’t even show up anymore.”

He had a point. JJ most likely forgot and was smoking weed himself with the other pogues, from whom you had grown increasingly distant ever since you began dating Rafe. So now you had been waiting with Rafe for the past hour in your apartment— which was technically his since he bought it for you, including all the furniture inside it. Rafe had been touchy with you all evening while waiting due to the alcohol he consumed earlier, telling you how much he wants, no, needs to fuck you. Waiting for an hour was his limit, apparently.

“Hm, alright then.” you finally agreed, gazing down at him with a smile as he sucked your tits intently, assuming JJ wouldn’t come anymore anyway. He looked so fucking gorgeous, his tongue moving over your sensitive nipples as his eyes lit up, ecstatic to have finally convinced you before he leaned in and gave you a long kiss. “That’s my girl.” he praised, making you feel butterflies in your stomach.

“C’mere.” He moved back and swiftly pulled you towards him by your hips, causing you to let out a small squeal as your cheeks heat up. “Blushing already, mamas? And I’ve barely touched you.” Rafe chuckled, evidently enjoying the power he has over you. “Bet you’re already dripping too, aren’t ya?” You bit your lip to contain a smile— he knew your body too fucking well. You could feel yourself get wetter with each second that passed before he firmly grabbed your face with one hand and supported himself with the other on the bed as he passionately kissed you, his tongue dominantly moving against yours.

“Fucking missed being inside of you” he growled after he pulled away, causing you to look at him with furrowed brows. “It’s been one day, Rafe. We literally had sex last night” you countered as Rafe slid your shorts down your legs along with your underwear. “Mmh, exactly. Been way too fucking long already.” He tossed your clothes across the room before also taking your top off, instantly revealing your tits again since you weren’t wearing a bra. “Weirdo.”

Rafe admired your body while licking his lips, gazing down at you lustfully as he chuckled while shaking his head. “Too fucking pretty to be a pogue.” You rolled your eyes and scoffed. “Stop acting like you kooks are superior.” “You kooks? You one of us now, a’ight? The fucking kook princess. With the best pussy in Figure 8.” he asserted as he spread your legs, causing your cheeks to heat up even more. “Shit, you really are fucking wet already, huh?” he exclaimed with a cocky smile, proud at how easily turned on you get because of him.

He kissed you once more, more intense this time as his hand travelled to your core, gathering your wetness before rubbing slow circles on your aching clit. You moaned into his mouth, your worries gradually subsiding as you realised you might not even need the weed after all. He then slipped two fingers inside of you with ease given how wet you were, but also making you realise how sensitive you still were from the night before. A string of curse words left your mouth when he curled his fingers up so perfectly, rubbing against your sweet spot instantly with no problem.

“You’re fucking tight, baby, shit, almost breaking my fingers.” Rafe cursed as you felt your orgasm nearing by the way you clenched around his fingers, causing him to pull out right before you could cum. You whined at the sudden empty feeling, your wetness dripping onto the sheets. “Such a needy fucking slut, aren’t ya? You gonna have to wait for a bit. Need you to cum around my cock.” You nodded, impatiently waiting for him to fill you up as you watched him undress himself, removing his shirt along with his trousers. He was left in his boxers now, the precum visible through the fabric before he took it off, his cock springing free against his defined abs with more precum leaking from the pink tip. The sight made you drool, but it always made you nervous too— he was fucking huge.

“Like what you see?” he teased, snapping you out of your trance as you unconsciously spread your legs further apart, your cunt aching for him. “Rafe, please, just fuck me already” you whined, eyes almost teary from how needy you were at this point. He pumped himself a few times before moving on top of you, forearms leaning on either side of your head as he teased you with the tip, making you whine and wrap your arms around him to pull him closer.

“Please, Rafe, hurry u-“ you begged but were quickly interrupted by Rafe pushing into you in one quick thrust, causing you to grip his shoulders with your nails digging into the skin. “Fuuuck” Rafe cursed as he buried himself balls deep into you, stretching you out completely. He didn’t wait long before he began thrusting into you as the sounds of smacking flesh filled the room with him setting a merciless pace. “Feels so good, shit” he growled, gazing down at you with sweat trickling down his face and his hair sticking to his forehead, his blue eyes barely open. You then wrapped your legs around his torso, which gave him the opportunity to quickly flip you both over so that you were now on top, causing you to gasp.

“Show me what you got, princess.” Rafe instructed with lust written all over his face and his strong hands gripping your hips firmly. With your head thrown back and your hands resting on his chest for support, you started to move your hips slowly, rocking back and forth. Before you even had the chance to move more, he wrapped his arms around you and drew you closer to him as he impatiently started to pound into you, making you scream out his name as his cock massaged your inner walls just perfectly. You both were panting and moaning, skin to skin, as close as possible as he thrust up into you at an unrelenting tempo. You were in your own world, fully enjoying the moment before you suddenly heard the door swing open, startling you out of your trance and causing your head to snap to the side, towards the door.

Your eyes widened as you saw JJ standing in the doorway, motionless, with one hand on the doorknob and the other clutching a joint before it dropped to the ground. You met JJ's gaze, his expression identical to yours— wide eyes and mouth slightly agape, not even blinking. You’d almost think he was a wax figure, not daring to move an inch. You returned your attention to Rafe, who was still pounding into you without seeming to notice a thing.

“Rafe” you whispered as you tried to stop him. Simply an indifferent “hm” left his mouth as he continued, not caring about anything but the way your pussy clenched around him. “Rafe, stop” you urged, lightly slapping him on the arm as your voice got louder. “Shut up and take it” he growled irritatedly, still not slowing down whatsoever before wrapping one hand around your throat, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head as Rafe finally seemed to acknowledge JJ, “Enjoying the show, Maybank?”, with his eyes still fixed on you. “What? Nah, I uh, didn’t see a thing, man, I promise. Had my eyes closed the whole time” JJ denied, instantly closing his eyes and raising his hands in the air in a surrender gesture.

Rafe’s brutal thrusts came to a halt as he let out a small chuckle in disbelief, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek before he turned to face JJ, whose eyes were still shut. “Yeah yeah, cut the bullshit, pogue. I’ve seen the way you’ve been eyeing my girl before. You wanna fuck her bad, huh?” Rafe inquired with raised eyebrows. JJ gulped, knowing Rafe already wanted to kill him regardless of his response. You felt a tense atmosphere which made you uncomfortable as fuck. “I- uh, look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. She’s all yours, so I’ll go n-“ “Then go on and fuck her.” Rafe ordered, a serious expression on his face as he gazed deeply at a perplexed JJ.

“What?!” both you and JJ exclaimed in unison, eyes widening even more, which you didn’t think was even possible. JJ’s jaw unconsciously dropped as he shook his head, thinking the weed must be fucking with his head in some way. “You wanna fuck her? Now’s your chance.” Rafe said, your head constantly switching between both boys in slight panic as if you were watching a tennis match.

“Yeah, so you have a reason to actually kill me? Nope, thank you. I’m too young to-” “I won’t fucking kill you, you pussy. You gonna join or what?” JJ looked at Rafe with a raised eyebrow, still unsure of his intentions but eventually shut the door behind him when he realised he was actually being serious and walked over to the both of you, the scent of weed slowly filling your nostrils.

Your heart was beating out of your chest, not knowing how to react to the bizarre situation unfolding before you. What the fuck was Rafe doing? The Rafe you knew was possessive, never allowing a man to even look your way, so to say you were confused was an understatement.

Then it dawned on you that this was one of his messed-up ways of asserting dominance and power. He wanted to prove to you that he could fuck you better than that pogue, or anyone for that matter. That even though he allowed him to be inside of you, he will always have control, over everything, because you’re his property.

“Turn around doll, make his fantasy come true and suck his dick. Bet he jerks off while thinking about this every night.” Rafe smirked as JJ let out a chuckle while you turned around and sank down on Rafe’s cock again in reverse cowgirl position.

“Nah, I actually fantasise about you pretty boy, bet you give the sloppiest BJs.” JJ winked at Rafe with a smug smile, making you gulp in fear with wide eyes. You couldn’t see Rafe but you knew steam was coming out of his ears as you felt his nails dig deeper into the skin of your hips before he brutally began thrusting up into you, needing to let out his anger somehow, which caused you to fall forward onto JJ. “Easy there, pretty girl.” JJ said as he pulled you back up and gently ran his thumb over your cheek. “You sure you want this?” he asked kindly as he gazed down at you. You nodded, still holding onto JJ as Rafe didn’t slow down his movements whatsoever.

“I actually have been fantasising about this.” JJ whispered into your ear while leaning down, ensuring Rafe couldn’t hear him. You felt your face grow hotter but tried to hide it before Rafe paused his thrusts. “What the fuck are you saying, pogue?” “Nothin’. Just said I’m surprised you’re not the one getting pegged every night, cupcake.” JJ chuckled, provoking the exact reaction out of Rafe he hoped for as he clenched his jaw, rolled his eyes and scoffed. He so wanted to tell JJ to fuck off— but he felt like he couldn’t, since he was the one cocky enough to tell him to join.

“You wanna join? Then hurry the fuck up before I change my mind.” JJ smirked down at you, relishing Rafe’s infuriated state as he unbuckled his belt and removed his trousers, causing you to bite your lip as he revealed his erection. He was similar in size to Rafe— perhaps a bit less thick but with a perfect curve. You spat on his cock, causing JJ to nearly cum at the sight before wrapping your hands around it and stroking it gently. JJ’s fingers ran through your hair as you began to swirl your tongue over the tip, tasting the salty precum. JJ threw back his head, savouring the moment, and felt as though he was dreaming, a fantasy he never believed would become reality. You then wrapped your lips around him before bobbing your head back and forth with hollowed cheeks and saliva running down your chin.

“Doin’ so good baby.” JJ praised as Rafe started thrusting into you again, causing you to moan around JJ. Rafe was so fucking deep inside you, making it difficult for you to focus. Although he would never admit to it, Rafe was surprised by how hot it was to watch you suck another man's cock while he watched his own disappear into your body.

“She’s good, huh? Bet you never had your dick sucked like this before.” Rafe said, knowing too well how fucking amazing your blowjobs are. “Never.” JJ confirmed, close to cumming which Rafe noticed quickly by the way his grip on your hair tightened and his eyes closed, which made him tell you to stop. You backed away, panting as you gazed up at JJ through tear-filled eyes. “So fucking pretty” he praised, wiping the drool from your chin with his thumb.

“Come here, doll.” Rafe groaned as he forcefully grabbed you and hauled you around, so you were now facing him again, before guiding your hips as you sunk down on him. You hissed at the feeling with your ass now fully on display for JJ as Rafe smacked it, causing you to yelp.

“You just gonna watch like a fucking creep or are you gonna fuck her?” Rafe questioned, with a harsh, impatient tone. It was evident that JJ’s affectionate attitude towards you made him jealous, and not just a little bit. He desperately wanted to regain control again.

“And how the fuck am I supposed to do that when you’re balls-deep inside of her, smartass? Move over”

“Yeah, I don’t think so. Her pussy is all mine, a’ight? You can fuck her ass.” JJ knitted his eyebrows, not expecting it to head in that direction as he stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence. You had a slight look of worry on your face, too, but Rafe just eyed you with a smug smile on his face, showing you both that he was the one making the rules here.

You were just a little apprehensive about the idea, but still eager to try. You weren’t particularly new to anal, but two cocks inside you at the same time made you somewhat nervous. But fuck, just the thought of it, to be able to feel both of them at the same time, sounded like heaven to you.

“Uh, has she done it be-“

“She’ll be fine. Take a look at her butt plug collection if you wanna be convinced. She ain’t the sweet innocent girl she pretends to be.” You rolled your eyes at Rafe while shaking your head. Dickhead. You weren’t pretending to be anything— Rafe was just obsessed with the idea that he corrupted you.

“You sure?” JJ shifted his gaze towards you with a troubled expression on his face, wanting to make sure you’re comfortable at all times, definitely the gentle one of the two boys.

“Please” you turned around and pleaded with almost teary eyes as anticipation raged through your body, feeling so needy that one dick wasn’t enough for you anymore. You needed to feel both of them, at the same time, absolutely ruining you.

“Here, use this” Rafe said as he threw JJ the lube that was next to him on the bedside table before JJ caught it flawlessly. “Got it. So this is what you guys use when you get pegged? Hm, interesting.” Rafe’s jaw tensed as his eyebrows scrunched together, causing JJ to throw his hands up in a surrendering manner before Rafe returned his attention to you.

“Just relax, okay? You’ll be fine, I got you” Rafe reassured you while JJ spread your cheeks, gazing down with lustful eyes. You heard him pop the cap of the lube off before he rubbed himself with it and slowly pushed into you, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head as you clutched the sheets tightly. Oh my fucking god. The feeling of being stretched out by both of their cocks at the same time was unlike anything you'd ever experienced before. It was indescribable how good it felt. You bit down on Rafe’s shoulder, not used to the sensation you were experiencing. JJ was now fully inside you as well and patiently waited for you to adjust to the feeling.

After a while, you nodded, insinuating that you were ready. Your mouth fell wide open at the feeling of them stretching you out completely from both holes as they began to move at a slow pace, making sure not to hurt you in any way. They both began to increase their pace, causing you to see stars as they could feel each other move against each other through the thin flesh that separated them, only intensifying the immense pleasure they were already feeling.

“Such a fucking whore, having two dicks inside of her, shit” Rafe groaned, his hands cupping your face before sloppily kissing you, teeth clashing while thrusting up faster, forcing you to break the kiss and moan loudly. Your vision blurred as JJ increased his pace with one of his hands gripping a handful of your hair and the other on your hip.

“Doin’ so fucking good for us, princess” Rafe growled as he looked deep into your hazy eyes. Your head felt like it was spinning at this new sensation, both of them pounding into at a merciless pace, filling both your holes so deliciously. The feeling was beyond words and you couldn’t get enough.

“Can’t believe you’ve been keeping her all to yourself, man, fuck” JJ hissed as he moved his hand beneath you to your core, rubbing fast circles on your swollen clit while maintaining his brutal pace. It was becoming too much when both of them hit your sweet spots inside you, sending you over the edge. You moaned loudly, your eyes shut while your nails dug into Rafe’s shoulders before you collapsed on top of him. Not much later, Rafe came as well, emptying himself deep inside of you while JJ pulled out and came on your ass, feeling his warm sperm on your skin in spurts.

“That… that was fucking amazing” you panted, a satisfied smile on your face as Rafe was holding you tightly against him with his arms wrapped around your body. “Fucking hell, best threesome I’ve ever had, hands down.” You heard JJ say from behind you while gasping for air, chest heaving up and down. Rafe traced slow circles on your bare back as he replied, “What did you expect? Of course it’s better than sex with those fucking pogues. Maybe next time I’ll even let you fuck her pretty pussy.” “Next time, huh? I’ll keep that in mind.”

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