#That she has sensory issues (this one there is kind of proof of in canon)

[harperaccount]

Headcanons people!

[jjtheresidentbaby]

Flip Quinni Gallagher-Jones headcanons

♡ attached to this moodboard post

warnings: quinni’s canonically autistic so there’s mentions of sensory issues/meltdowns/stimming and such

when caring:

her backpack is stocked to the high heavens with whatever her little may need — seriously she has everything from snacks to those miniature fans that spray water for when it’s hot out

so sweet and kind anyways but when she’s caring for someone it’s taken up a notch

does not care who you are if you’re in need of taking care of and there’s nobody else around she will step in

has absolutely zero problem accommodating to any of her littles needs

she keeps an extra pair of sound proof headphones in her locker/bag for if her little needs them (or really anyone)

will indulge in whatever her littles interests are and is extremely enthusiastic about it — she loves listening to rambles and hearing fun facts about things!

offers to read books out loud to whoever she’s caring for if it’s a more chilled out day, of course her go to is Angeline of the Underworld but if that’s too grown up for her little she’s happy to choose whatever they prefer

makeovers and dress up are a must!! — she’s a cosplayer so she has all the right wigs and accessories and makeup to wear for whatever character her little wants to be or to just go nuts with random dress up things

lets her little help take care of the animals that she has and teaches them the proper steps of what each pet needs

day trips to the museum or zoo or aquarium are her favorite! she knows a lot of facts and adores being able to share them with her little

she likes to hold her littles hand when they’re in public but if the sensory is too much she makes sure they’re at least in arms distance or she figures out another way to be holding onto them

if her little needs babysitting she’ll ask Darren first but if they’re busy she goes to Amerie or Harper

when little:

she regresses to a younger headspace and uses regression as a tool to cope with things

pacifier lover!! it’s a perfect way to stim when little

she also really likes teethers/chewlery and usually has one tucked into her backpack for if she regresses when she isn’t home

Darren is obviously her main cg but occasionally Amerie & Malakai babysit for them

but if Harper’s around while Quinni is little she’ll be clinging onto her like no other! she just thinks she’s really cool okay

carry’s around little trinkets and toys to fidget with/play with when she gets bored — she really like tomogatchi’s and has more than one

Disney is her go-to for movies and music while regressed — she’s seen every single Disney movie ever made at least once and has a chart ranking them from best to worst

prefers days in when she’s little, her regression is about zero stress which means avoiding how sensory overloading the outside world can be

loves to draw anyways but especially when regressed!! — she has a box filled with coloring books that only keeps growing because her friends keep buying them

very content with laying on her bed coloring for hours as a movie or music plays in the background

sometimes her meltdowns send her into regression and it can be difficult for her to communicate what’s going on so she keeps communication cards on her at all times — she also uses them after meltdowns even if she’s not regressed

[eunoiastarz]

more adhd balthazar propaganda requested by my beloved @sunriseat9am <3

adhd symptoms I noticed throughout his scenes:

rejection sensitive dysphoria:

I’m going to use 6x21 as my crutch for this because look at him

also in 6x03 when cas chooses the winchesters over him

hyper sensitivity:

almost every scene we’re faced with balthazars walls of an ‘I don’t care’ attitude which I think is just masking for his hyper sensitivity. I mean the 6x21 forest scene says it all, for a minute or two he stops masking and elevates his voice while using rapid hand gestures to vent his frustrations. I can also use 6x03 again as an example with how he begins pacing during the rougher parts of the conversation in order to hide his face from cas. and again, the way he blankly stands there while cas raises his voice, his own tone getting much softer.

mood swings:

balthazar to change frequently through emotions. he goes quickly from anger in the 6x03 holy fire scene to being utterly defeated within a few words. the 6x21 forest scene where he goes from frustrated to calm in a matter of seconds, and the 6x21 confrontation scene with sam and dean he goes from annoyed to panicked before composing his false attitude enough to fly off. just watch and you’ll see how he never keeps a consistent emotion during scene.

hyper activity/ excessive activity/ fidgeting:

balthazar is never not moving and when he isn’t it’s only ever for a few seconds. we also know he goes out to parties a lot and constantly surrounds himself with any chaotic activity he can find. this isn’t even mentioning the 6x15 scene where he’s talking to himself while rushing around bobby’s house, completely ignoring anyone else.

irritability/ low frustration tolerance:

truly this could just be because he finds sam and dean extensively annoying as he should, but I’m clocking him. he just hates them so much without a concrete reason. he doesn’t hate cas for trapping him in holy fire, but then again sam and dean have ruined a lot for him.

impulsivity/ lack of self restraint:

he doesn’t example many impulsive decisions, the only instance I can find is him impulse to save cas in 6x03 despite what it will cost him, but I think he’s impulsive in the way he speaks. he says a lot of out of pocket things depending on how who he’s talking to is making him feeling in the moment. adding on ‘honey’ after challenging raphael just because he knows cas will save him and telling dean he considered ‘ripping out his sticky bits’ just because they were annoying him was out of impulsive in my opinion.

dismissive behaviors:

watching through his scenes I noticed how dismissive he is of his own feelings and situations he doesn’t want to be happening. he fidgets more in these scenes and puts up and entirely different personality while either laughing it off or trying to change the topic. when he starts getting dismissive it’s also when his mood does a whole 180 within seconds. the entirety of his opening 6x03 scene is what I’m using as proof.

always relating things back to his interests:

I think his interest in movies is pretty obvious (titanic, the godfather, etc) so when he explained the current situation to sam and dean in 6x15 by using the movie the godfather, unsinking the titanic after watching the movie was his plan he was finding ways to relate through what he knew.

poor planning:

to me balthazar never really fully thought through everything he did, kind of like I said early he acts on impulse at times; in 6x03 when he damaged raphaels vessel to save cas, betraying cas and working with the winchesters, telling sam to kill bobby. when castiel even comments that he came back in 6x03 looking for an explanation of why, balthazar gives some off handed comment on the spot of how he’ll have more time to flee. I don’t think he ever saw through to what would happen as a result of these things all he thought in the moment was what he really cared about.

stimming:

stimming isn’t something he does much in canon, but I’m counting the times when he gets frustrated and starts pacing/ talking with his hands as him stimming.

persistent repetition of words or actions:

once again this isn’t something he does much but I noticed how he always holds his glasses the same exact way and drinks them whenever gauging what exactly he wants to say next. he also repeats words directly or summarizing things over and over to get his point across.

Now for the fun hc stuff!!:

(some or these are repeated from my hcs post and some are from my girlfriend who has never watched the show at all but is the resident adhd haver of our household so <3)

when he was younger sitting around in intelligence was very boring so he learned how to do tricks with his blade. it became a way of stimming to him so he could focus on whatever he was being taught. no one in intelligence appreciated it though. cas actually gets his spinny blade thing from him.

his character description in script says that he’s slightly manic (an attractive charmer who appears slightly manic on the surface but carries a great sadness) so I think that when he finally left heaven it was on impulse during a manic episode. he knew he had to leave, but I don’t think without that adrenaline he could ever bring himself to leave his garrison.

most definitely canon and confirmed that he has sensory issues and the reason he wears a v-neck all the time is because if he wears a collar any higher he feels like he’s being chocked.

old love songs are always playing throughout his house because it’s subconsciously helps him focus and he finds the quiet off putting.

his jacket? There is the part of the end of the sleeve thats really smooth because of how often he rubs it when he is panicked or just unsure of himself (a personal favorite from gf <3)

whenever him and cas are talking he’ll stim by messing with the belt of his trenchcoat.

whenever he can’t remember something he looks around the room and snaps his fingers while mumbling under his breath trying to figure out what he’s supposed to remember.

flashback to my post that said quote “adhd balthazar propaganda flappy hands” because so true past me

he wears a lot of jewlery so I like to think he stim with it <3 he messes up and fixes his watch over and over again. during long conversations he’s tugging his rings on and off to make sure he focuses on what’s being said.

going back to the sensory issues he can pet a cat normally but never backwards because he hates how it feels yes I’m right.

he sways all he time without noticing, especially when sitting. he sits cross legged only. (this one from my gf <3)

he’s overexcitable!! he’s loud and has no volume control!!! he just wants to have fun with things!!

he hyperfixated in cas for a bit and would tell him everything. (from my gf and no I don’t know how he never watched the show yet was on the nose with this one. they’re just a genius i guess)

I’ve noted before that I think he only likes wine so I think he stims sometimes by twirling his wine glass.

his first ever hyperfixation was frogs <3

he’s bored very easily with people and places hence why he flys all over the world.

he repeats his own stories a lot with the same amount of excitement which always bothered other angels outside of his garrison. it’s one of the reasons he learned to mask better.

despite being perfectly fine in loud crowded areas he gets easily overstimulated in high stress (mental) situations.

he hyperfixated on movies after being exposed to them on earth. it’s how he learned about modern human culture and finds it the easiest way to relate/ communicate with them.

he’s the most sociable out of the garrison but somehow had the least friends.

he doesn’t understand other people’s emotions at all. he can’t tell how people feel about him in anyway. sam and dean hate him but they still call him for help. he thinks he’s cas’ best friend but cas has never chose him once. he tries to act like it doesn’t bother him and pretends to be self centered to avoid having to ask the question. anna used to be the one to help him with things like this since she always had a good grasp on communication, but obviously she isn’t around anymore.

he’s a perfectionist, to him all things are about presentation. I’m using his introduction and the raphael confrontation scene as my proof.

balthazars always either humming or singing under his breath which everyone but his garrison finds annoying. they used to, but they’ve just become well adapted to his quirks.

he’s repressed his personality a lot. being loud and excitable in heaven was highly frowned upon, so in order to survive he tries to mask as much as possible

[mimicutie]

Pit is Autistic - A “Brief” Analysis

Kid Icarus: Uprising is my favorite game of all time, and one thing I love about it is the characterization of Pit. Specifically, I see him as autistic. Of course, this is just a headcanon of mine, but I wanted to write out a little discussion explaining why I see him as such as well as show some of the autistic traits he demonstrates in Uprising (and the occasional reference to the Guidance conversations from Smash).

(fair warning, this is not very brief)

Difficulty Understanding Words and Jokes

It’s made abundantly clear that Pit isn’t the best at picking up sarcasm or jokes. At times, he struggles with understanding words, phrases, and context. Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 11.

Pit: Good! There are survivors! Palutena: They’re a stubborn bunch hanging on like that. [...] Pit: Uh… stubborn? Palutena: Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.

Here, Pit doesn’t understand what Palutena means by “stubborn.” It’s pretty common for autistic people to struggle understanding parts of speech, such as words being used in different contexts than what they’re used to.

Medusa: Hmm… Now this is a little… bizarre. Pit: I know right? The mouth on that guy! I’d never talk like that! Medusa: That’s not what I meant. Palutena: Sorry. He can be a little… thick.

Once again, Pit is misinterpreting the situation. He doesn’t understand what Medusa is alluding to, thinking that she is talking about Dark Pit’s brash behavior. Palutena’s last comment hints that it’s very common for Pit to misunderstand people like this.

Pit: I’m Pit, servant of the goddess Palutena. I’m here to defeat Dark Lord Gaol. Magnus: So you’re here for a slice of the pie too? Pit: Huh? Pie? Where?

Chapter 2 has several examples of Pit not picking up on obvious jokes or idioms, and here’s one. Pit takes the idiom literally, not understanding what Magnus really means at first.

Viridi: Pit certainly is devoted to you, Palutena. Hades: Only because she squeezes his head wreath when he doesn’t follow orders. Palutena: You mean like… THIS?! Pit: No no no no no! You’ll squeeze my brains out! … (sigh) Why do I always fall for that?

In this example from Chapter 15, Palutena is clearly messing with Pit, but as he stated, he always falls for her jokes. Even though it’s clear she is just teasing, Pit can’t pick up on the fact that she isn’t being serious. He consistently struggles with understanding tone.

Pit: This is so annoying. Lady Palutena, help me out here! Palutena: Deploying the Palutena Super Sensor… Pit: I didn’t know you had a super sensor! Palutena: Hee hee. I don’t. You know I like to make stuff up. Pit: I can’t believe you’re messing with me at a time like this!

This dialogue from Chapter 13 is just another example of Palutena clearly joking while Pit does not pick up on it. Even though Palutena has done this time and time again, Pit still struggles to tell when someone, even a person he is incredibly close to like Palutena, is just messing with him. These are just a few examples. Pit commonly struggles with understanding language and tone throughout the game.

Using Words Differently

We can see that Pit has his own unique vocabulary with his own creative phrases like, “Calamaried!” “Re-defeated!” “Pulverazed!” and so on. Pit also makes LOTS of noises throughout the game, all of his “woohoo”s and “woah”s and whatnot. It’s just how he communicates, even if it's a bit particular or different.

Expressiveness

Pit is excitable. Like, really excitable. Sure, he’s a fun video game protagonist, but he’s always very happy-go-lucky and upbeat in a way that reads to me as autistic. Just look at how he jumps in excitement!

And when he gets the Three Sacred Treasure?! Gifs can’t really do the excitement in this scene justice. (link in case tumblr embed isn’t working)

Additionally, while Uprising doesn’t have a lot of cutscenes with Pit just standing around talking, in the ones where he does he is usually very expressive, using his hands to talk and whatnot. Added with his excitability, I feel that this shows us that Pit is so expressive and emotional because he’s autistic!

Extra Help

Pit needs more help with understanding things in comparison to others. Palutena often goes out of her way to guide Pit, whether it be giving him directions or explaining how to defeat an enemy. While Palutena’s advice does work as a guide for the player, it’s clear that Pit needs the help more than someone else his situation might. The clearest proof we have of this comes from Chapter 22.

Palutena: Watch out for that heart-shaped crystal barrier! You see, it’s— Dark Pit: Reflecting my shots back at me, right? Palutena: Well… yes. Dark Pit: I got it, so stop telling me what to do! 

Palutena is expecting Dark Pit to be like Pit, where she needs to explain to him what’s going on and offer her guidance. However, Dark Pit was able to figure out a strategy to defeat Pandora all on his own. Palutena is very aware that Pit needs a bit more help and prepares accordingly for him.

Accidental Rudeness

Many times throughout Uprising, Pit is shown speaking “rudely” towards gods or characters who have authority over him.

Pit: Oh, great! You’re the guy I’m looking for. Listen, I have a favor to ask you. Would you mind if I borrow your chariot for just a little while? Chariot Master: Your foolishness is matched only by your rudeness. How dare you charge in here, flinging unreasonable requests at me? [...] Viridi: You can’t really blame him for being upset. That was kind of rude.

Here, Pit is talking to the Chariot Master very casually, treating him like a friend despite the fact he is breaking into the Chariot Master’s tower and asking him for a precious artifact. Pit doesn’t see it as rude but Viridi and the Chariot Master clearly do. He is breaking an unwritten social norm by talking so casually to someone of high authority. Autistic people often misinterpret social situations or don’t act appropriately, sometimes resulting in “rude” behavior. There are several examples of this throughout the game, such as in Chapter 24…

Pit: You know, the Three Sacred Treasures weren’t exactly durable. Can you please make sure that this new weapon won’t just fall apart? Dyntos: Palutena, you’d be wise to put a muzzle on your chicken.  Palutena: I apologize for him. Again. Pit: I… I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to be rude.

To Pit, he is just stating a fact. However, it comes off to Dyntos as Pit being rude or even insulting his work. This is something that autistic people often do; they are blunt or honest about something, which is again mistaken as being rude.

Pit is also seen being more blunt when under emotional stress, such as in Chapter 20.

Pit: I trusted you because I knew you were on the side of justice, and… and light! But something is blocking that light now. This isn’t the real you. Viridi: Someone cue the strings… Pit: Would you mind holding the commentary for two seconds, Viridi? Phosphora: There are goddesses you’re talking to here, Pit. Watch your tone. Pit: Butt out, Phosphora! The goddess of light has turned dark. Skyworld is destroyed! Everything is wrong, and it’s up to me to make things right! Palutena: Oh, Pit. You’re just as naive as ever. Pit: I’m not naive!

Phew. This scene is pretty noteworthy to me because throughout the game, Pit is never really that angry or upset. He does show hostility, but he never really snaps at anyone, much less gods, like this. But when his home is destroyed and Lady Palutena is not herself, his emotions get the better of him. He doesn’t even seem to care that he is being “rude” to Viridi. I definitely see this moment as Pit having an outburst because of the stressful situation he is under. 

Scripts / Scripting

The most obvious example of Pit using a script is with his “rally cries” that he prepares before fighting enemies. Look at the idol description for this AR Card.

He practices his rally cries a lot in order to be prepared for battles with bosses. Pit even mentions practicing his rally cries in a later chapter.

Pit: Cells of Hades, hear my words! And, um… see my actions! Uh… something, something… I’m going to rain death on you! I can’t remember all the words, but that’s the general gist. Hades: My innards have so longed to hear your battle cry. How could you forget the words? Pit: I didn’t have time to rehearse. I’ve been busy fighting evil, okay?!

While some may see the rally cries as meaningless fun, I think it could be seen as Pit having a script that he likes to fall back to when facing enemies. 

His many references and quotes to video games could be seen as scripting, too. There are lots of instances in Uprising, and especially in Palutena’s Guidance, where Pit quotes famous video game phrases or imitates sounds. Which leads me to…

Special Interest

Pit’s special interest is video games. While Pit’s very vast knowledge of video games could just be because of Uprising’s fourth-wall breaking style of humor, I think it could also be seen as Pit having an intense interest in games. He references various video games such as Metroid, Nintendogs, and Super Smash Bros. in-game. He seems to enjoy bringing up video games or referencing video game mechanics whenever he can, which is very similar to how autistic people enjoy bringing up their special interests in conversations whenever possible. Additionally, while the Palutena’s Guidance conversations aren’t 100% accurate to canon, Pit constantly references and alludes to various video games in them, such as quoting Reyn in Shulk’s conversation or Peppy and General Pepper in Fox’s (which ties back to him scripting). It’s clear that he loves video games and talking about video games!

Pit: Those Aurum troops are doing their best Game and Watch impression! Viridi: Check out the gaming IQ on this guy! You’re a regular video game historian!

See, even Viridi is impressed with his video game knowledge! :D

Sensory Issues

Throughout the game, Pit seems to have an obsession with hot springs. It is never outright explained why he loves them so much, but I’m led to believe it is because of sensory reasons. Many autistic people use extreme temperatures to help soothe or calm themselves, such as cold showers or hot baths. It can often help with sensory overload. Hot springs, similarly to hot baths, may be a way to help soothe Pit and keep his sensory issues to a minimum. 

Pit’s habits with his tunic seem to hint towards sensory issues, too. He doesn’t like to be without his robes, stating that he keeps them on even when he’s in the hot spring. When his clothes seemingly get messed up in Chapter 21, he gets upset, exclaiming that it’s his only tunic. Wearing the same clothes or same types of clothes/fabric is pretty typical for autistic people, and Pit wearing the same tunic everyday is similar to that.

Additionally, Pit’s habits with food could be because of sensory differences. He very well could be hyposensitive to food and tastes, which is why he eats a lot and doesn’t seem to care about what he eats (as long as it isn’t vegetables, according to the Revolting Dinner short ;D ) . 

Small Social Circle

Pit doesn’t have a whole lot of people he can rely on. Before Uprising, the only person he seems to have any affinity for is Palutena. Other than that, he doesn’t seem to talk to anyone else. We don’t have a clear picture on what his relationship with the Centurions is like, but based off of the Revolting Dinner short and Chapter 17, he only really talks to them when he’s working as the Captain of the Army and not as a friend.

While yes, Pit is the only angel left in Skyworld, I still think it’s important to bring up that Pit only really has Palutena to rely on. By the end of Uprising, he has Viridi and Dark Pit as well, but his only clear and completely positive relationship is his mother-son bond with Palutena. I see this as Pit struggling to really befriend others. He’s had over two decades between the original game and Uprising to befriend the Centurions, but again, he only really has Palutena. It’s pretty typical for autistic people to have very small social circles, consisting of just one or two friends. Palutena seems to fit the role of mother and best friend for Pit, and she even remarks that he should make more friends in Chapter 4. 

Working Alone

This is a small one, but still something that I think is worth pointing out. Pit seems very adamant on accomplishing his missions on his own, telling Dark Pit on two separate occasions (Chapter 9 and Chapter 21) that he can handle the situation by himself. Similarly, it’s common for autistic people to prefer working by themselves rather than with others. Paired with the previous point about having a small social circle, this just reads to me as Pit not feeling too comfortable in situations with others.

Conclusion

There’s a few other points that I feel I could bring up but overall I think these are my main points summed up (and yes, I said summed up. this used to be over 2500 words) ! Thanks so much for reading! If you have any other traits that you think Pit has that I didn’t mention, feel free to share them, I’d be more than happy to hear! ^_^

[solitaria-fantasma]

The Zoo, Part 3!

Honk’s player was running late so we started up without him (don’t worry he caught up pretty quick).

Lin Shi is alive, and not very happy with us (for very valid reasons).

Turns out he only eats dried mangos because he has sensory issues and it’s one of the few textures he can stand (mood, honestly).

Koira canonically tricks peasants out of their extra snacks with puppy dog eyes.

The zombies are all so happy to be doing the jobs they are because Lin Shi specifically raises them into undeath to perform jobs or skills that they enjoyed or were good at in life. That’s more than considerations that some IRL employers have given me.

Nosca: Do you have the zombie’s ongoing consent to be undead?

Lin Shi: Yes.

Nosca:

Nosca: Can you elaborate?

Lin Shi: No.

The necromancer agreed to give the party an altered and disguised corpse that we can turn in to the townsfolk as ‘proof’ that we did our job, but it’s going to take a few days.

Lin Shi: “I’m going back into my lab. If anyone needs me, don’t.”

Miraculously, Lin Shi offered us temporary rooms in his castle while he’s crafting his own fake corpse.

Dynamite revealed that she’s actually from the Feywild, and has been stuck on this Plane.

Nosca gave the four gallons of beer in her Jug of Alchemy to John the zombie (who’s name is actually Miles? Whoops??), and he paid her 4 platinum, and then ‘subtly’ asked her to bring more if we were ever in the area again.

Koira befriended all 50 zombies in the castle, because meeting Lilly has made her a little bit homesick, and she uses affection to fill in the void.

Dynamite scoured the castle for a mummified foot, to the dismay of the zombies, and when the zombie’s wouldn’t give her one, she started kicking Lin Shi’s lab door every half-hour and shouting “KNOCK KNOCK!” until he opened it.

He gave her a jar on a strap with two mummified, magically preserved human feet inside to make her stop kicking the door.

Honk’s PC: “Do you wanna make a corpse-man? It doesn’t have to be a corpse-man…”

Honk turned the abandoned ballroom into a disco, and set about trapping as many zombies as he was able.

He couldn’t get the zombies to dance, however; they would just clean up the room and then leave.

Dynamite’s PC: “Now we just have to make the zombie’s panic so there’ll be a Panic at the Disco!”

After several days, Lin Shi gave us an alarmingly accurate body double corpse of himself, complete with a very convincing axe wound to the back of the head that’s just the right size to fit Dynamite’s axe.

“Honk!” (derogatory)

The party: “We’ll come back and visit!”

Lin Shi: “Please don’t.”

“It’s too late - most of us have already mentally adopted this dried sponge of a man. He has no choice.”

Honk then promptly walked up to Lin Shi, turned around, shit on his shoes, and ran out of the room.

It takes a couple days for us to haul the corpse back to town, and along the way, the DM makes us all roll a Perception check.

Literally everyone in the party passed the check except for Koira - my girl had advantage and STILL couldn’t roll above a 10. 

“I mean, we DID kill him. That’s valid.”

Thankfully, the thing we needed the check for wasn’t hostile - it was a forest elemental who claimed to recognize the magic of Koira’s patron (called ‘Ally’) as that of a friend.

She offered Koira a boon, and Nosca and Dynamite both jokingly suggested she say “surprise me”.

Koira is just the kind of naive to say “surprise me!” out loud, and the elemental gave her a beautiful glass bottle that seemed to contain the dark and glittering essence of deep space, along with the instructions to open it if she ever “needed some space”.

Nosca identified it as a Bottle of Gust of Wind, which Dynamite promptly re-named the ‘Fart Bottle’.”

When we got back to town, the party joined a queue at Town Hall to turn in our quest for the reward, and Honk decided to try and harass the other people in line.

Honk’s PC: “I want to tie the shoelaces of the front person to the back person’s shoelaces, and then steal from one of them.”

DM: “They watch you tie the shoelaces together, kind of in awe - like, ‘We can’t believe a goose is this dexterous!’. You then yoink a beautiful pocket knife from the one adventurer.”

Honk is just going to recreate Untitled Goose Game at least once per session and I love it.

As Honk slowly led the tangled adventurers away from the line, Koira tried not to be caught watching, because she is a Good Girl, and if someone saw her watching this chaos, then she’d have to do something about it.

Nosca lost her quest paperwork in her bag of holding, and had to slowly unload its contents (on top of the corpse she’d already laid out on the table) until she found the paperwork.

This secretary hates us now.

With the proper paperwork finally filed, we got sent to another building to claim our reward.

Dynamite and Honk badgered the secretary for a lollipop, like bored children at a bank.

Koira scammed the harassed adventurers for a few quick pets before joining the party to leave, and accidentally upended their worldviews when she shouted “thank you!” back at them.

We went to turn in the body at the other building, and Dynamite called the mortician on duty a ‘nerd’ in Sylvan. Koira, who can speak Sylvan, laughed. The mortician, who could ALSO speak Sylvan, winked at them.

Honk has eaten so many coins that he jingles when he shimmies: Confirmed.

Mortician: “…and that should be it for you! Unless something comes back weird from the morgue.”

The Party: HAH! Yeah. Why would it? We, uh. We’ve got to go now.

Something is DEFINITELY going to come back weird from the morgue.

Nosca: “So….who wants to get a drink?”

Koira, paw raised: “Can we get a drink somewhere that’s dog-friendly?”

The party found a place with outside seating and settled down, at which point, Dynamite bought two bottles of glittery raspberry wine purely because it was advertised as being imported from the Feywilds.

Waitress: “Would you like a lemon for your water?”

Koira, seated at the table like a person with a salad bowl of water instead of a glass: “Ooh, yes please!”

While the rest of the party is having a lovely conversation with the waitress at the cafe, Honk was across town, causing mischief and starting fires to feel alive.

A large, dark, bird-like silhouette rolled over the town around dusk. Only Honk recognized that this was not a bird, and took flight to investigate it closer.

THAT IS NOT A BIRD.

This lumpy, many-limbed amalgamation of too many things can apparently bREATHE FIRE?!?

DM: “So what’s Honk gonna do with that information?”

Honk’s Player: “It doesn’t affect Honk, so nothing.”

Honk’s newfound motivation is to fight this flying monstrosity, because “if anyone’s going to burn down the forest, it’s going to be Honk.”

Honk’s PC: “This is my most OP character, and it’s a fucking goose.”

There’s a rider on the back of the flying amalgamation….one covered in horrible burn scars, and tattoos that are almost identical to those of Lin Shi…oh. O H. I think I know who this is.

Honk tried and failed to attack the monstrosity and it’s rider, but was quickly outflown. Defeated, he flew back to the party and began biting Nosca to get her attention.

“The waitress speaks Abyssal??”

“Her third cousin twice-removed was a Tiefing.”

The party finally packed up to follow Honk, and Koira generously gave the waitress one of the rocks from her precious collection as a tip.

The DM had me roll to see what the rock actually was, and it turned out to be a ruby the size of the waitress’s hand.

We went back out into the forest, heading toward the castle, and after a day or two, the forest started to feel….warm. The air tastes like smoke, and there’s an orange glow on the horizon.

Uh oh.

No, yeah, the forest is on fire.

“You come out of the smoldering forest to a field of ash and soot. The stone castle is now scorched, though still standing, the once-beautiful stained glass windows are blown out, and the roof - which was made of wood - is completely gone.”

Koira took off full-tilt across the ash field to the castle beCAUSE LILLY WAS IN THERE OH NO OH NO-

There’s just a skeleton of a building left; we can see straight up to the sky and down to the deepest dungeons, and there’s piles and PILES of corpses in the stairwells.

Koira and Dynamite split off from Nosca and Honk to search the basements while the other two went up, but the entire building is uncomfortably quiet.

Koira started tracking Lilly by the scent of her laundry detergent, with Dynamite hanging onto her back to keep up.

They found the source, but it was just a container of the detergent, not Lilly, herself.

We did find John/Miles, however. Or…at least, what was left of him (poor guy’s just a one-armed torso now).

Dynamite woke him up by uncorking her remaining bottle of raspberry wine and pouring some of it down his throat. He woke up very grateful.

Meanwhile, Honk and Nosca (but really Nosca) found Lin Shi’s lab still intact. The door lock had melted, and all the traps were disabled from the heat, but it was intact.

Inside a bathroom within the lab, Nosca found both Lin Shi and Lilly (thank god!) hiding in a half-filled tub of water. Both are alive (…ish), although unconscious.

Nosca instinctively ducked when Koira came hurtling into the room, still armed with her quarterstaff, and tried to body Lilly with relieved affection.

Lin Shi wasn’t so lucky, and got beamed in the head (no damage tho).

We had players who had to get up early tomorrow for work so we ended there, but now we’ve got an attempted murder-mystery to solve!!

[kokoinupi]

Jitterbug (Hashiya Nanashi, feat. Hatsune Miku & MEIKO) analysis, from an autistic point of view

Disclaimer: This is based on my personal experience growing up with autism, and the experiences of the people around me. This song is also really gay by nature, so if MikuMei isn't your thing, this is your warning. Obviously this is in no way any sort of official analysis, and actually, ironically due to my autism, I may misinterpret some things or have a hard time not taking lines literally, so don't get mad at me if I get something clearly wrong. I'm just very passionate about this interpretation, and this song comes very close to representing a real (canon) autistic experience. No one else seems to comment on it from that point of view though, so naturally I had to write this up! This is also my first full analysis, and I'm not good at being concise, so please bear with me!

[[MORE]]

Overview: The video, for me, is a major factor in how Jitterbug comes across as an autistic narrative. The name itself, while it is still a reference to a 1920s dance (befitting of the electroswing style of the song), doubles as a meaning for someone who can't sit still, and actually on a personal note was an affectionate nickname my family called me as a kid, so that tipped me off right away. All throughout the video, I noticed most of all, the way Meiko moves her hands while she dances is very close to stimmy behavior, not really like how a neurotypical would normally dance (nor is it a part of the jitterbug itself). While Meiko is moving her hands like that, Miku very often has something in her mouth, either a kind of stick, or the laser pointer, definitely suggesting an oral fixation. Of course, both girls obscure their eyes with sunglasses (I think Meiko's aviators look so cool), and while that definitely has some metaphorical meaning as others have pointed out in their analyses of the song, it's really not uncommon for autistic people to wear shaders and/or noise dampeners to combat overstimulation and sensory issues. None of these things on their own prove anything, of course, as the video is often a small part of a song's meaning, so let's dive into the main course!

Lyric analysis:

I can't talk about any wishes, nor my ideals

Giving out the same, invariant answer all the time

For being the first line in this song, this really already punches home the idea that Miku is dissatisfied with herself, and, as is often the case with autistic people, doesn't even know how she's supposed to navigate the world. She either doesn't know her aspirations in life, or doesn't know how to talk about them without being judged.

You don't need a rotten yesterday

Dump it before you get betrayed

Meiko, being the free spirit in contrast to the masking, frustrated Miku, assures her that she can't just hold onto bad things that happened, being judged or not knowing herself, she needs to dump her perfectionist tendencies and learn to live as herself a little before her own precariously-built persona comes crashing down on her.

Just fully utilize it, tame it

Can't give it away nor dye it tomorrow

I'm fully ready

Meiko tells Miku that she has to learn to work with herself the way she is, find her talents and use them fully, rather than constantly trying to change or push her feelings deep down. She can't give away her personality, and she can't truly make herself different inside, no matter how hard she masks on the outside.

Hungry critics that can't even move

are just glancing at you sideways

The people who would judge Miku for who she is are just hungry for something to laugh at, someone to other or exclude, but when it comes down to it, they're no real threat. If she can just get over that initial hurdle, she'll realize her haters are just pathetically lapping at any entertainment they can get, and they're really not that scary at the end of the day.

Who cares! Ignore those idiots

Given this is the first line they sing together, it almost feels like an admission on Miku's part, she wants to believe Meiko and stand up for herself for once, even if it is just among them for now.

Come at nights, grab my hand and dance

The girls are obviously fond of each other (just gals being pals), and in a way, understand one another on a deeper level than other people understand them, having similar neurotypes. Dancing itself is sort of a wild, energetic activity, that can help express a wide variety of pent-up emotions, and the jitterbug itself is a pretty manic dance that fits the image rather well.

Use your eyes only for me and let's light it up,

Your one and only, scorching laser light

This line is honestly just gay. I don't think there's any deeper meaning to the laser light specifically, but it is a cute thing to call your funky spunky girlfriend, isn't it? It actually may be a reference to how Miku really is on the inside, bright and strange, and often blinding and scorching to others. She hides that side of her pretty well normally, but with Meiko it's not only fine to be bright and weird and full of personality, but actually encouraged.

Fitfully ranking things and aligning them vertically

Abandoning my heart, I convert them to numbers out of impulse

Honestly, upon my first translated listen of this song, I didn't think absolutely anything autistic was happening until this line hit me. This is so autistic in nature, I'm surprised that a lot of analyses leave it out. Miku not only sees the world in sets and orders and numbers like many autistics do, but actually feels (most likely from outside influence) that by her brain being wired to see the world like that, she's abandoned her humanity and become a robot.

The magic gradually faded out

Instead, pessimism flowed in and was entrenched

I'm taking a little liberty here, but many autistics with savant syndrome (and/or gifted kid syndrome) are praised in their youth for the amazing things they can do, such as doing complex math quickly or reading at a faster speed than their peers, but later in life, when those skills are either no longer relevant or have averaged out, the things they used to be praised for become seen as annoying, not something to brag about, or a burden. Miku no longer sees the way her brain works as magical and special anymore, it's a curse and proof to her that she's not like the people around her.

Struck speechless by the awful scenery,

Very clearly overstimulation.

I linger in the raining streets, soaked from head to toe

Some wait for the sun, some grumble about the rain

All pointing at me inside their umbrellas

This line could very well be taken literally, but it's most clearly just a way of describing how different Miku is truly. She doesn't see the same things as bad as other people, she doesn't see the same things as good either. She could be the type that embraces darkness in life, both literally and figuratively. People may not actually point, but she can feel eyes on her, and it makes her feel even more alienated. Even when she tries so hard to fit in, there are some parts of her that are too obvious to change, and she knows she draws attention anyway.

Who cares! Ignore them right now

Let's smile, choose my hand and sing

Feel the rhythm with your heart and dance

I'm not sure exactly why, but the line about feeling the rhythm with your heart made me feel really connected to the song. It might just be because of my own personal music stim habits, but either way it's another line about leaving behind your facade, being as true to your nature as possible, and just dancing out your worries to the beat of the song.

On this rainy stage, as bright as the scorching light

This line embraces the idea of Miku preferring the rain. No one else has to like the stage they set for themselves, because when they're together, it's just about them and what they want to do. Miku can soak herself in rain and bright, scorching light, and just exist with no one around to point and stare.

Eyes go dim and words are lost

While this can just be a reference to depression in general, it's worth noting that many autistics have trouble showing expressions, and/or go nonverbal, often in response to stress or unusually upsetting circumstances.

The colors of today have faded out

Still, it couldn't end because of someone

This can be a way of insinuating that Miku is actually suicidal due to how she's seen by others, and Meiko is the one thing keeping her here, or it could just mean that Meiko stopped her days from getting too bad in a moderate sense. Either way, pretty gay, and shows more how much the girls depend on each other in mutual understanding.

Who cares! Ignore those idiots!

Come at nights, dance and grasp your aspirations

Referring back to the first line, Meiko does assure Miku that not everything needs to be worked out for others' sake, but by spending time with your true self and unpacking your feelings, the future you're supposed to have and the things that truly make you happy will become clear.

I shall dedicate my entire life to you

Let's shine on, like the scorching light

Reach your hands out, until the very end

Miku is in lesbians with her. Ending the song on such a gay note is never a bad thing of course, but it is a little anticlimactic for this analysis. Though, the line of reaching your hands out might actually refer to their hand movements in the video, symbolizing to keep being weird and authentic as long as you can, but that may be a bit of a stretch (or a reach, if you will)

Final thoughts: I have seen other analyses (though not as in-depth) about the meaning of the song, and while they definitely do have some meaning and I can see it from that point of view, there are just some obviously autistic cues that I couldn't ignore that just swayed my perception of the song entirely that direction. I'm not sure if I only picked up that meaning because of my own experiences biasing my view, or if I actually am onto something with the original intention of the song. If you guys have any insight to offer on any of the lyrics, or if I missed or misinterpreted something, feel free to let me know! Thanks for reading this far, honestly! 🌸

[moiraineswife]

can you pls make a post abt your autistic nesta headcanon :o

Suuuure friend. It’s kinda personal in the sense that, like, this isn’t an argument for canon it’s just…where I see autistic things in Nesta/things that I’ve chosen to interpret/headcanon as autistic things. So this isn’t an attempt to “convince” anyone that she’s autistic it’s more just…An interesting way of twisting the canon a little bit for the sake of some headcanoned autistic rep. (But like I do love this hc so much, u can pry it from my cold, dead hands, I will talk about it endlessly, it’s great.)

Okay this is literally just going to be like…a list of things Nesta does that are so much more interesting to me when viewed through an autistic lens SO, onwards and upwards. This is long btw, and pretty messy?? Things are roughly sectioned out but also not really. #ITried. 

-Poor at readingpeople’s intentions/non-verbal communication:

See: the argument with Feyre at the beginning of ACOTAR.Feyre is being practical and factual when she tells Nesta why she won’t be ableto marry Tomas Mandras as she wants to because his family can’t afford it. Nestadoesn’t see what she’s actually projecting/intending and assumes that she’strying to hurt her/hit her where it hurts the most (Nesta feeling like a burden to those around her, which is a massive insecurity of hers) so she snaps back. She takesin the content of Feyre’s words and nothing else, slapping her owninterpretation over them and responding in a way she thinks is appropriate.

Also:

Teasing my sister,poking fun at her … I snatched a seat at Nesta’s side and murmured, “They meanwell.”

This bit I enjoy for two reasons a)- more proof Nesta doesn’tunderstand people’s intentions (which explains so much more why she goes on thedefensive about everything – she doesn’t get tone or body language orintention, she just goes purely on the content of what people are saying to herand if it sounds bad she takes it that way and assumes they’re trying to hurther, regardless of how it’s actually meant)

b)- the relationshipdevelopment between Feyre and Nesta. Feyre now understands Nesta better andknows how she tends to respond to things like this and so she quietly explainswhat Nesta can’t pick up on herself and reassures her that the Circle aren’treally mocking her, they’re more…including her? But it takes Feyre explainingthat for her to get it.

-0 concept of socialprotocols/rules. Like literally fucking none.

See: “Nesta only said,“Why do your eyes glow?” Little curiosity—just a blunt need for explanation.’  

[…]

 “They neverdared ask me that, either.”“Why.”“Because it is not polite to ask—and they are afraid.”

Never in all her days has anyone asked Amren that becausea)- it’s not polite and b)- they can pick up on the Do Not Do This vibe Amrengives off. Nesta gets none of that. She has a question. She asks it. No frills,no mess, no fuss. The autistic way. Lucien is literally having a heart attackin the background, Feyre and Rhys aren’t breathing but Nesta isjust…Completely chilled because she genuinely doesn’t get why this might be abig deal.

(And the fact that she actually asks why no-one in the who knows how many years Amren has beenalive also implies this lack of social knowledge and understanding. Not onlydoes she blurt out the question in the first place without thought but she hasto ask why no-one else has ever thought to probe Amren on this because she still hasn’t picked up on the atmosphereof ‘girl pls stop ur going to get murdered’ that’s going around the room. She doesn’t understand that she’s crossed a line here and is being impolite, genuinely. She was curious. She asked a question - one that no-one’s ever asked before, which baffles her because, as far as she’s concerned, it’s a pretty practical/intuitive question like come on people why is no-one asking this?)

And:

“What do you want?” I felt the blow like a punch to my gut.“At least immortality hasn’t changed some things about you.” Nesta’s look was nothing short of icy. “Is there a purpose to this visit, ormay I return to my book?”

You can read this asher being mean or deliberately pushing Feyre away but based on previously citedevidence this is just…Nesta, to me? There’s this constant focus on pragmatismand purpose with her and this is just…Kinda like the Amren thing, a bluntattempt at understanding something she doesn’t –ie why her sister has come tosee her/if she needs/wants anything.

It’s practical, like her questioning Amren. The “emotional aspect”(for lack of a better phrase) the curiosity/the cruelty is missing. All there isis a blunt need for explanation. I don’t think she’s trying to hurt Feyre Ithink she’s just blunt and has no concept of social rules and why this Isn’tThe Done Thing. There are a lot of social niceties required here and Nestadoesn’t get/do any of them.

She’s reading, Feyreinterrupts, she assumes there’s a reason for this and she wants to know if sheneeds anything and if not if she can go back to her book. This comes across ashurtful to Feyre because she doesn’t get the way Nesta processes interactions. ToNesta this isn’t rude or cruel it’s just…Practical. It’s a fairly simple Aleads to B leads to C type pattern of thinking that misses out the socialfrills and expectations that most people have to…Hide the A leads to B leadsto C pattern of their own interactions because simply saying exactly what you feel/think in situations like this can come across as rude or cold.

-Difficulty socialising/interactingwith people:

-The bluntness is an aspect of this but Nesta isn’t exactlythe world’s biggest people person. She only really has Elain (likely becauseshe understands her and has learned to read her/understand her so she’s comfywith her – Elain gets Nesta in a way I don’t think anyone else truly does – noteven Feyre, (see: the way that Elain goes to Nesta after her and Feyre’sargument in ACOTAR. Fandom condemns her for “siding” with Nesta over Feyre, but Ithink it’s because Elain understands that Nesta was deeply hurt, which was why shelashed out, something that Feyre does not notice) so Nesta is more comfortablearound her)

-Nesta also seems to have trouble making and keeping friends. She’sconstantly shown as being isolated and alone in ACOTAR. When Feyre returns tothe manor it’s clear that Elain has slotted back into the noble social circles again but Nestahasn’t. She’s withdrawn from their friends, the staff, from everyone, really, and Elain comments:

 “She hardlytalks to anyone, and I feel wretched when my friends pay a visit, because shemakes them so uncomfortable when she stares at them in that way of hers …”

Part of this has to do with Tomas’ recent assault and herdeliberately distancing herself from other people. But Nesta making peopleuncomfortable and ‘staring in that way of hers’ are totally autistic things,especially the staring. Autistic people can have some issues with eye contact; either making too much or too little. Nesta is on the ‘too much’ side of things(this is something she does quite a lot, too, it’s not a one-off thing, as implied by ‘that way of hers’ and the fact we see her do things like this several times in canon).

-The only time we ever see Nesta fully relaxed is when she’sbeen on her own, reading in the library in the House of Wind. She’s not aroundother people and she doesn’t have to try and figure out protocols and shit, shecan just be. (There’s an argument to be made here for sensory things too –librariesare typically quiet, comfortable places that don’t have many things in the wayof uncomfortable sensory things that can overwhelm, they’re safe spaces for autistics in that regard. But more on that later) Assoon as people reappear, she instantly and visibly tenses up again.

Also this line like just…speaks to me:

“You don’t mind fixingthe wall or going to the Court of Nightmares, but speaking to people is whereyou draw your line?”

Because…Yup. What Feyre is asking Nesta to do,essentially, is be at the centre of social attention, which is obviouslysomething she’s not super comfortable with. Nesta doesn’t like feeling out ofcontrol of herself and in a situation like the one Feyre is suggesting, whenshe’s poor at communicating with people and reading them, this automatically puts her on her offfoot, which she doesn’t like. It also puts her in a new place in a room full of strangers she has never met before and is in no way comfortable with, which is yet another autistic related thing that would put her off this kind of thing. 

(putting in a cut for length, more of the same below) 

Black and whitethinking

-This describes Nesta’s attitude towards…Pretty mucheverything but it’s a fairly common autistic trait too? Seeing things in veryblack or white/right or wrong type standards and struggling with abstracts. Autistics tend to have their own sets of Rules and it crosses over into that idea as well. Italso applies to the way she is with Feyre in ACOTAR. It’s all very pragmaticand very stark and clear-cut as far as she’s concerned:

“But I knew—with asudden, uncoiling clarity—that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not myfather, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nestahad always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin, andthat I could fight my own battles. But Elain, the flower-grower, the gentleheart … Nesta would go down swinging for her.”

There’s a lot of stuff in here I’ll pick through bit by bit inthis context.

First that pragmatism, that black and whiteness, in Nestaknowing that Feyre doesn’t need her and is capable of fighting her own battles (not just in this instance).Nesta doesn’t waste time making a show of things or pretending. It’s quitesimple. Elain needs her; Feyre does not – Elain is where she directs her focusand attention. Nesta dedicates herself fully to one thing, the thing sheactually needs to do, rather than tearing her attention between two differentthings when one isn’t necessary in apractical sense.

This also ties in a bit with the socialniceties/expectations thing because the kind of socially acceptable thing herewith regards to Feyre hunting/looking after herself is to fluff things up and‘oh Feyre, shall I help you?’ and offer even if she knows it’s going to berejected – which it would be, because Feyre doesn’t need her help and wouldtell her that. (Incidentally, that rejection would also reinforcing the fact that Nesta is of no real use around the house/in terms of keeping them alive). 

Nesta is perfectly aware of this and doesn’t see the pointin wasting time/words asking when she already knows the answer (and has done for like…five solid years at this point) – even though it’d bemore ‘polite’ of her to do so and be refused because then it shows she cares. 

Social rules are what dictates this way of showing you care, however. To Nesta this is just an entirely empty and pointless gesture. Black and whitelogic dictates that Feyre can take care of herself so Nesta dutifully turns herattentions elsewhere to where she’s actually needed – in this case it’sprotecting Elain. 

When Feyre does need her, however, such as when she’s beentaken by Tamlin, but Elain is comfortable and safe, Nesta moves heaven andearth for Feyre while leaving Elain to her own devices – this is not anElain-exclusive attitude; it’s just the way she is. The same way that she protects Cassian at the end of ACOWAR, and the way she agrees to put herself in a situation she was deeply uncomfortable with (sharing her story with the High Lords) and becoming the human’s emissary because she did not want them to be forgotten. Nesta, like Cassian just fuelled by wildly different motives, protects those who cannot protect themselves; and leaves those that can to do so. 

-Then there’s the other aspect to this black and whitenessin the way Nesta views the world and those in it – for example how she sees herfather. Her morality/sense of good and bad is shaped a lot by this kind of thinking too. There isn’t anything tempering her resentment or her hatred of her father in her eyes. Hedid bad; he’s a bad person, she rejects him, it’s as simple as that. He let hermother die, he lets them starve, he doesn’t even try. Line crossed. Caseclosed. She hates him, fully and completely without any mitigation, end ofstory. (And her feelings here are entirely valid, I am in no way saying thatthis is the ‘wrong’ way of viewing things, it’s just Nesta’s way, and she’scompletely and utterly entitled to it.)

-I’m also using this to aggressively explain away the endingof ACOWAR and the horror show that is Nesta’s conflict with regards toher father. Things are very easy for her to work out while they’re in simpleblack and white/good and bad terms. Her father continues letting them starveand never tries for them, that makes it very easy to consider him as bad andmove on with life. He never does anything to contradict that; there are noconfusing good actions blended in with the bad to swing her focus/feelings. Whenthings become more complicated she struggles with the abstracts. When herfather brings ships named after his daughters to help them and dies right infront of her supposedly defending her this muddies her previously crystal clearwaters.

She has all of this hate and resentment that she’s had forall these years and it makes it impossible to just shift gears and consider himas good because he’s done this good thing for her now. He’s a mix of good andbad now, she has good and bad ‘evidence’ for her feelings towards himand she can’t cope. There’s no easy way to quantify this and put it in a nice,neat little box of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ ‘hate’ or ‘love’ and she gets conflicted andconfused and upset as a result because she can’t work out her own feelings(also an autistic thing) because things aren’t simple stark concepts anymore. She has almost a decade of bad things, but his last act was a good one, and this makes it difficult for her in the absolute way she sees things because suddenly he isn’t an absolute any more and she can’t process it. 

-Also, as I said, this is pretty much Nesta in a nutshell.She deals with things in very definite black and white extremes most of thetime. An answer is either yes or it’s no, the word ‘maybe’ does not exist inNesta’s vocabulary.

“What happened toTomas Mandray?” I asked, the words strangled.“I realized he wouldn’t have gone with me to save you from Prythian.”And for her, with that raging, unrelenting heart, it would have been a line inthe sand.

Earlier on in the book Nesta stated that she loved Tomas.Whether she did or not is debatable but she was fully ready to move out of thecottage and marry him and she pulls a complete U-turn on that because of thisone realisation – a realisation, moreover, that’s based fully on this idea ofcommitment and the black and white nature she sees the world and how she drawslines in the sand with people. This one ‘bad’ action alters her feelings towards him from being willing to marry him, to leaving him on the spot. She deals in absolutes. It’s how she sees and weighs the world and those in it. 

Dislike of change:

-Nesta handles both the death of her mother and the loss oftheir fortune arguably much worse than either of her sisters. Feyre knucklesdown and lives in the moment, Elain looks forwards to a brighter future. Nestagets stuck in the past. These are two massive, massive changes and she doesn’tadapt well to either of them.

She blames and hates her father for her mother’s death andnot doing more to save her (more black and white extremes in there (though alsoa fairly typical reaction to grief/loss, but the extent Nesta takes it to andthe sheer absoluteness that she looks on it with still strikes me. She doesn’tonly condemn her father for this she hates him for it with every inch of herbeing)) and she continues to act like a noble lady even when she lives in arun-down hovel and associates with peasants as opposed to nobility, and hasdone for years. She doesn’t adapt well at all, she continues to live in andlong for the past and she refuses to properly transition into their new life.

But she can’t slot back into her old life either once shegets it back, either, because that’s another change and another upheaval. She becomesisolated, pushes people away, and can’t stomach the social niceties andsmothering rules that come with those social circles and way of life. She does not fit and she cannot adapt in the seamless way that Elain and her father do with the sudden change of their fortunes. She again remains stuck in the past (quite literally, since she fights the glamour and remembers what happened while no-one else does) 

This pattern of her isolating herself when she can’t copewith changes is pretty common, too? She does the same thing after her Making. Ialso think that she projects being more okay with what happened than sheactually is. Nesta has this need to feel in control of herself and when shedoesn’t I think she projects this feeling of being in control even more thanusual in order to try and feel that. But I don’t think she adjusted as well asshe appears to have done, and I think there are hints at that but I won’t gointo all of them here, it’s too long and not relevant enough to delve into. 

She does isolate herself again, though. As she did in the cabin, as she did returning to the manor. She doesn’t really try andactively engage with her new life she just keeps doing what she does; same patterns, different setting. Shedoesn’t try to get to know the Circle or explore Velaris or integrate herselfinto being fae. She remains wearing her old human clothes, doing the things shewould have done as a human, like sitting alone in the library and reading. Sherefuses to train with Cassian and she refuses to acknowledge her new abilitiesor work with them because these things are new and different and overwhelming.  

She clings to the past again. She continues wearing her olddresses and doesn’t change into things more appropriate to the fae world. Sheeven turns up to training and tramps around war camps in her typical dressesbecause they’re familiar and comfortable. (wearing the same clothes over andover again is also a pretty common autistic thing in itself, hence the focus on it)

 The human worldalso remains at the forefront of her thoughts – she remembers to compare thefood the first time she eats with Feyre and the others and she names herself anambassador for the human realm and declares that she hasn’t forgotten them.

Prioritising actionsover words/disliking social niceties:

I’ve kind of mentioned this already but this is in aslightly different vein. Nesta is very actionorientated. She shows how she feels about people in the things that she does,not what she says. She’s very straightforward and I think one of the reasonsshe comes off so poorly is that she puts all of her efforts into doing things (see: the whole going tothe wall thing for Feyre) but she doesn’t back it up with social niceties. (I talked about this earlier; Nesta is living in a world that operates under different social rules to everyone else. Typical social rules dictate that social niceties are a way to come across well and caring - such as offering to help even when she knows it’d be rejected. Nesta doesn’t demonstrate her caring in that way, but she does demonstrate it - in her own way, in terms that she understands and responds to) 

Nesta doesn’t soften herself or attempt to be somethingshe’s not; she doesn’t try and charm people with sweet, flowery words the waythat Elain can, she isn’t made that way. She comes off as cold and rude when inactual fact she just isn’t burying what she says under sixteen layers ofexhausting social protocols that she doesn’t understand. 

Nesta just is. She’s just unapologetically herself(which, in the context of this hc, I adore, because so many people, girls especially, miss out ondiagnoses because they force themselves to learn to appear more socially adeptthan they feel/with what lines up with their experiences with people becauseit’s expected for girls to be soft and polite, and very well-mannered and Nestadoesn’t do that. She is unapologetically herself. She places no stock or valuein social niceties and she doesn’t bother wasting time on them or mincing herwords to try and appease those around her when she just doesn’t get it/care forit herself)

“ I never have togo back to those sycophantic fools over the wall. I get to do as I wish, sinceapparently no one here has any regard for rules or manners or ourtraditions.”

There’s a couple of things in here – one the ‘sycophanticfools’ comment which implies what I was saying about her disregard for socialniceties and that forced, excessive politeness that’s common in high societycircles. In her culture this is just the way that people are and the way theytypically communicate and behave but Nesta refers to them as ‘sycophantic fools’because she isn’t operating under the same rules as they are and just sees themas pandering and false which she dislikes. I can’t see Nesta being particularlyadept at that and I can see her accidentally offending people with the way sheis, awkward silences and shutting down of conversations and completely missing out all of the fluttery, excessive politeness that’sexpected of ladies of her station.

Also the slightly negative connotation in ‘apparently no-onehere has any regard for rules or manners or our traditions’ – implying that shedoes. Autistics tend to be quite rule orientated and routine orientated too,both of which get covered by ‘rules and traditions’ here. Even if they arearchaic and backwards and limiting due to her gender, she finds the completelack of them distasteful/negative because it means there’s no order and nostructure in this world, which doesn’t fully sit right with her.

-Empathy/Emotions:

Autistic people tend to have variations in this (notnecessarily always less than allistics) they can either be hypoempathetic (lessthan typical) or hyperempathetic (more than typical) in different ways. Thereare different types of empathy, believe it or not: cognitive empathy, which isbeing able to understand/know what someone is feeling without them telling them,usually via non-verbal communication, things like tone, body language etc(Nesta, with her poor reading of people’s intentions and body language etc would,arguably, have less than normal cognitive empathy) Same with affective empathywhich is basically, you feel the same emotion you’ve identified in someone – ifthey’re sad, you get empathetically sad too. Nesta doesn’t seem to have a hugeheaping of this either (she has a lot of intense feelings, but they don’tnecessarily mirror the people around her), so she’s hypoempathetic when itcomes to cognitive and affective empathy, as far as my headcanon goes.

She seems to have a fair amount of compassionate empathy,however, to the point of perhaps having too much. Compassionate empathy is,basically, the desire to help people if they’re having problems. She leapfrogsover the non-verbal understanding of what someone is feeling, and she doesn’tempathetically feel what they feel either, but the depth to which she feels theneed to help people is definitely in there. See: the scene where she begs thequeens to give up the book to Rhys and Feyre and the scene where she tellsCassian that she can’t leave him on the battlefield, and the lengths she goesto to try and help Feyre after Tamlin takes her away etc etc etc.

Nesta is said many, many times to feel things a lot moredeeply than those around her. This is, as far as I’m aware, a fairly commonautistic experience, especially because she’s very poor at showing it. In theWings and Embers short she thinks to herself: 

‘She felt it all—tookeenly, too sharply. Hated and cared and loved and dreaded, more than otherpeople, she sometimes thought. Could sift between them all in a matter ofmoments, like she was trying on different sets of clothes, and no one couldtell or care.’

In addition to the depth of feeling thing, the no-onenoticing how she feels is pretty telling. Autistics struggle to read otherpeople but can also suffer from people struggling to read them in turn, whichis something I think Nesta gets a lot of since she feels these things so, sodeeply but no-one ever notices it and she gets brushed off as beingcold/withdrawn (also common to autistics) when in actual fact she’s the preciseopposite. She just doesn’t communicate it in the same was as everyone else, sounless they know her very well and/or are very socially switched on (ie Cassianand Elain) they don’t notice and don’t understand her.  

-‘Learning’ bodylanguage/social rules:

-There are a few places where Nesta seems to be reasonablysocially adept – I’m thinking Wings and Embers where she correctly hits onCassian’s sore points but I don’t think this disproves  this headcanon. Autistics are capable ofunderstanding and reading body language it’s just not something that’sinnate/built-in. But there’s nothing to stop them learning it. A lot ofautistics learn how to ‘pass’ as neurotypical (sometimes evenunintentionally/unconsciously, they do so to try and fit in) by activelylearning to read those around them (which is why some autistics are good withinteracting with people that they know, but struggle a lot with strangers) andlearning social rules and mimicking those around them. The way that Nestawatches Cassian and has to work to consciously gauge his reaction to her inWings and Embers is telling.

Also this scene:

‘Nesta was watching the volley of words as if it were a sporting match,eyes darting between us. She didn’t reach for any food, so I took theliberty of dumping spoonfuls of various things onto her plate.’

This is the first time that Nesta has interacted with thegroup as a whole. She doesn’t engage with them or join in their conversation(and even when she fleetingly does, she only really talks to Feyre, her sister,who she’s obviously more comfortable with) otherwise she just sits and watchesthem, figuring out how they work, how to read them, how to interact with them. It’sall this conscious process of working people out and understanding them whenthey’re in this new casual setting.

-Misc bits and bobs:

-I can make an argument for Nesta being touchaverse/sensitive. Feyre comments that she’s never been physically affectionatewith her sister. When she and Nesta quietly talk over triggers and Feyre isreassuring/comforting her she does this: 

“Iknew better than to touch her hand. But I said, “When we get home, we’llinstall something else for you.” 

Feyre doesn’t attempt to physicallycomfort Nesta since she knows that won’t go down well. (As an aside, thisdoesn’t get discounted by the Nessian moments a)- Most of the time Nestainitiates their contact and b)- sensory sensitives are weird and with touch,having specific people be exceptions to the rule isn’t uncommon)

-@blogtealdeal gets credit for coming up with thissuggestion but the hc Nesta was reading the romance books that seemed souncharacteristic for her, according to Cassian, being her ‘researching’ romanceand trying to get a better handle on how to handle her relationship with Cassis my new favourite thing ever. If she were doing this it’d be a form ofscripting which is basically rehearsing an interaction before it happens. It alsospeaks to Nesta’s general ‘wtfness’ when it comes to relationships with otherpeople and her attempts at learning them through books is understandable.

- ‘Teaching Nestato paint was about as pleasant as I had expected it to be […] Supplies wereeasy enough to come by, but explaining how I painted, convincing Nesta toexpress what was in her mind, her heart … At the very least, she repeated mybrushstrokes with a precise and solid hand.’

Imagining things/thinking in pictures is something some autisticscan struggle with. Nesta doesn’t actually put what’s in her mind down when shepaints, she just copies Feyre’s exact brushstrokes and does what she does. (Kindalike the whole scripting/mimicking fiction thing from her romance reading) Translatingher feelings to paintings/expressing herself in that way is something she alsoseems to struggle a lot with. Trouble pinning down feelings exactly/knowingexactly what you’re feeling is also an autistic experience, it’s called alexithmyaand it’s something I can see Nesta experiencing without too much effort (especially with the Wings and Embers quote being taken into account as well).

Finally, This:

Amren nodded, more toherself than anyone. “You did not fit—the mold that they shoved you into. Thepath you were born upon and forced to walk.You tried, and yet you did not, could not, fit. And thenthe path changed.” A little nod. “I know—what it is to be that way. I rememberit, long ago as it was.”

This is just….The most autistic thing I have ever witnessedin my entire existence. That idea of not fitting, of trying to but not beingable to, of not being able to fit the expected moulds…And Nesta didn’t? Alsothe fact that Amren didn’t fit with the members of her kind because she feltthings differently to them and perceived and understood the world differentlyto them reinforces this parallel with Nesta being an autistic human whoperceived the world differently to those around her and engaged with itdifferently as well, therefore never quite fitting in.

(It’s also my headcanon (pure headcanon, as most of this is)to explain why Nesta appears to adjust much better to being Made Fae than Elaindoes. In spite of her struggling with the dramatic change, the actual Making she seems to accept better than her younger sister. She’s spent her entire life not quite fitting in and not quite belonging tothe people around her – this is not a new experience for her as it is forElain, who has always been very comfortable in herself/her interactions withothers)

I’m going to wrap this up here or I could genuinely go on forever. Like I said at the beginning of this, none of this is me trying to “””prove””” that Nesta actually is autistic/was deliberately written that way. This is just…An elaborate hc that I have and the above is like…the intricate details of said hc, I’m not trying to say this is the way she should be read/was intended to be read it’s just…An interesting way to choose to read her for the sake of some (really good) rep. 

TL;DR: Nesta is my beautiful autistic daughter and this hc delights me. Enjoy.