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like-rain-or-confetti · 2 years

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Captured (The Riddler x Reader)

It was a warm summer evening in Gotham and you had been informed of many screens having been set up and covered in green paint. Batman had no doubt it was the Riddler. Although he wasn't the only one to be plotting as so was Two-Face, Scarecrow, Penguin, Joker and Harley. Batman was certain he had to contain the Joker first as he was the most dangerous and reckless. He'd blow himself up for a joke if he wanted to. The others were keeping an eye out for any sign of the other rogues whilst you were out looking for the clues of the Riddler's plan and whereabouts.

You touched the illuminant green upon the sides of the screens. The paint was dry, they had been there for some time. Beyond that, they looked like ordinary screens. It was what they were connected to was the question. You tapped at the screen though didn't expect anything to happen. After all, these weren't touch screens and furthermore very old looking screens. "Leave it alone." The Riddler's voice rang out as he appeared on the screen. "Oh hey, Ed!" You greeted. "What you doing with all of these?" "Solve my riddles and perhaps you'll be able to figure it out." He replied smoothly. You slumped slightly. The Riddler’s riddles got tedious very quickly. Almost like doing them were a punishment. "Don't pout." "Wait you can see me!?" You grinned in satisfaction, moving closer to the screen. "Of course, I can! It takes nothing to insert a camera into a screen." The Riddler scoffed. Before he could begin his tangent you blew him a kiss. He paused. "Did you just-" "Bye!" You grinned with a wave before you made your way down to the street below.

A few moments later, your coms started acting up, a static-like interference. You crinkled your nose just about to check on them when a familiar voice rang out. "Do not walk away when I speak to you, you dull-headed moron!" "Awww Ed, you interrupted my song!" You 'whined' with a smirk. "Yes, I bested your communication syst- wait what?" "Bud, this is a private line and I was listening to the best crime fighting song!" "You listen to music whilst you strut around Gotham?" You could hear the confusion in his voice. "Okay, I take offence. I don't 'strut'." You huffed playfully. "Enough of this! Just-" "Eddie, you know I'm the worst one for your little riddle things." "Don't call me that." The Riddler snapped. "Also they aren't 'little' they are of the highest prowess of intellect! Not that the likes of you would understand." He continued coldly. "So give me pity points and just tell me?" You tried. He let out a cruel laugh and you slumped slightly, hoping it would work. "No cheating! I'll know if you do." You paused, tempted by the idea of Google or simply asking for help. Edward Nygma would be furious and deem you a cheat. Or you could turn the conversation out of his control. "Ed?" You asked. "Stop calling me that." He warned. "Was is it now? My instructions were clear even for the dumbest primitive minds." "Are you wearing a suit?" You tilted your head, narrowing your gaze at nothing in particular. "What does that matter?" He asked incredulously. "C'mon humour me! Are you wearing the green suit?" The Riddler sighed. "Of course, I am." The Riddler said crisply. You grinned. "Immediately much more convinced to try these riddle's. I love seeing you in the suit. You're so handsome." He let out a charming laugh. "Oh, your attempts of seduction will not get you the answers you need." You raised an eyebrow with a pleased grin. "But it is working right?" Before Edward could respond you spoke up. "Actually big brain of Gotham, help me decide what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night. I thought about macaroni and cheese but I also have-" "Are you seriously asking me about what you should eat?" He seemed confused and mildly offended. "Great big brain, figured you could give me some of that wisdom. I really shouldn't get take out again. Basically there's stuff in my fridge I really should eat before they go bad but I really want macaroni and cheese." There was a long pause. Edward seemed stunned. "A fish has more attention span than you!" He finally yelled out. "I think you like that challenge, Ed." You smirked. There was another moment of silence. "Perhaps...goodbye, little vigilante." You could hear the slight smile in his voice before the line cut off.

It wasn’t long after that before Batman contacted you to meet him in an office building and that he’d be on the fifth floor. You swung into the open window landing in a couched position at Batman's side. "So the Riddler is extremely touchy about the riddles and stuff." "I will deal with the Riddler. I will check this floor and work my way down. You head upstairs and check the floors above. Two-Face and Penguin are here for certain." You nodded with a small salute. "You got it boss." You hurried to the stairwell, missing a couple of stairs between every step.

You opened the door to see a narrow corridor with glass divided offices. However what made you freeze was the sound that indicated you very much were not alone. You crept up to the source before ducking quickly behind a cubicle. It was Harley Quinn. If she was here, chances were that Joker wasn't far behind. Or rather she wasn't far behind him. Harley pressed on the wall before her and hummed before kneeling down. Before her was a box, a jack-in-the-box. She began to wind it up, turning as she did so with a tiny giggle. You knew those very well, it made things explode. "Nope!" You yelled and and threw a batarang at her hands. There was a sound of metal connecting and she dropped the box, immediately inspecting her aching fingers. "Ow!" She turned to look at you. "That hurt!" "No blowing up walls!" You responded. "You ain't Bats! I'm supposed to bring him here, not you!" Harley huffed. "I'm gonna try not to be offended." You said warily. You knew you had to talk her down or at least distract her enough. "Harley, what are we doing?" You sighed. "It's late. I'm tired, aren't you tired? Why don't we just get a drink or something and call it a night?" Harley pondered your offer. "Sounds fun! First we'll kill Bat-brain and then we can go for a drink...can Ivy come?" "Wait, no Harley, how about you just don't do that first part and come with me now?" You asked. "Nah!" Harley deadpanned and took off running. "Harley!" You took off after her.

You followed her into the next room only to find her gone without a trace. Suddenly you felt a solid kick to the back, knocking you to the ground. Harley made another turn over the light fixture by her hands, explaining her sudden disappearance before landing on her feet. She posed like a gymnast would after a flip. Then she took off out the door. You scrambled to a stand and ran after her down the long narrow hall.

Once you caught up to her at the opposite stairwell, you jumped forward wrapping your legs around her middle and threw your whole body weight back. With a screech, Harley lost balance and fell back with you. Harley swung her head back into your nose hard, forcing you to break your hold just enough to get up. Before you could too, she swiftly kicked you in the ribs making you groan and she hopped over you and headed upstairs. However it didn't keep you down for long, you were trained for that after all. Although it seemed to be just enough time to get away as Harley was long gone.

Silence met you on the next floor. The lights were off on this floor leaving only the night sky as a light source. You checked each room, nothing. You got through three quarters of the rooms before you finally found someone. "Well well, if it ain't baby bat." You turned to the corner of the room as a tall figure emerged from the darkness. You heard the clink of his coin hitting his nail. A tiny glint of light reflecting off the coin as he flicked it into the air and caught it with the same hand, over and over again. "Two-Face..." You uttered. In his other hand is a gun. His finger resting on the trigger. He seemed almost relaxed and he sauntered forward. You heard the click of a gun behind you and you turned to see Penguin also emerge from the darkness, gun aimed at you. You turned your attention to him. "Don't do this, Cobblepot." Oswald only chuckled and something hit you hard making you fall to the ground. It wasn't enough to knock you unconscious but it was more than enough to make you dizzy. The room tripled as did Oswald who moved closer as the room seemed to spin. Two rough hands grabbed your arms, moving you into a position. You barely had time to process it was Two-Face as he hauled you over his shoulder. "Now, now, don't struggle." Penguin said with a chuckle at your pitiful attempt to wriggle.

You had next to no warning of what was coming than a very identifying cackle of glee. Two-Face threw you off of his shoulder like one would a sack of potatoes but before you could do anything, you were hauled up by long scrawny fingers. That was when you met Joker eye to eye and his menacing grin. "Ah! The newest addition! I've not gotten to see you yet, my dear!" Joker cackled. "Forgive me, Bats! I need to get acquainted with this one!" He said to absolutely no one. Your head was roughly shoved back. "Let's see who you are, hm?" The Joker cackled. "Come here...come here..." The Joker chanted under his breath as he pulled at the skin tight mask. No matter how you turned your head, it only aided him so your only option was to freeze. That didn't help much though. Unable to do anything the mask was ripped away from your face. "There you are." He grinned maniacally, looking into your eyes. "Oh you're a pretty little thing, aren't you?" Joker stepped away, revealing your face to the other rogues. They practically drank in your face as they finally saw one of the bats under the mask. Most seemed almost pleased whilst others simply stared at you.

The Joker yanked your head back towards him. "Now where's good ol' Batsy?" With a 'twang' the sound of metal hit the crate inches from your head. The Joker looked at it, as did you, to find it was a bit of metal chased like a bat. A batarang. "Let them go." Batman said icily as he emerged from the entrance. "Sure! Whatever you say, Bats!" The Joker cackled before throwing you towards him. You steadied yourself before looking to Batman for any kind of sign of a plan. He offered nothing. "Either of you move even an inch and they get a bullet." Oswald ordered as Two-Face raised his gun. "We're wasting time, let's get this done!" Edward huffed slightly. "Just shoot him and be done with it!" "No, wait!" Your eyes widened as you stepped in front of Batman and a sudden 'bang!' rang through everyone’s ears.

The force of the shot knocked you down to the ground. You felt the pain stretch across your shoulder and chest. For all you knew you were shot in the chest. It all happened to fast to know for sure. "What kind of shot is that!?" The Riddler yelled out. "The Batman not the sidekick!" "They moved!" Two-Face ground out. You knew if you stayed that you were going to die. You crawled as best as you could, dragging your heavy limbs as best you could manage. Your vision was blurred and the night didn't help. It was hard to breathe. You barely heard your own sharp shallow breaths as you crawled for your life. A shadow loomed over you. You turned to see the Riddler, Edward Nygma, walking behind you. He followed you silently, staring down at you with a look of guilt, sadness. You had to be seeing things. You and Edward might have flirted many times when he and the other rogues were running rampant in Gotham but you didn't think he was the one for sentiment. Unless he hovered above you to finish you off.The thought made you want to crawl away, you already lost so much time by looking behind you. Silently Edward took a step forward as you crawled forward. Then your limbs got too heavy. In fact, you were losing consciousness. Crawling was no longer an option as you rolled onto your back with a wince of pain, a silent scream. The Riddler bent down on one knee. "P-Please..." You whispered breathlessly. He quietly hushed you. "Don't talk." "Don't let me...die." You begged. The Riddler shook his head. "I won't let you die." He assured you. You had expected him to laugh in your face, laugh with smug victory and gloat. The Riddler leaned forward pressing two fingers to your neck above your pulse point. "Stay with me. Don't fall asleep." You barely heard him but he was asking you for something you had no control over. Of that you knew.

Suddenly someone moved up behind him. You recognised the mask. "It appears Batman left the little sidekick to die." The mask created a sinister chuckle. This was it. You really were going to die. The Riddler's head moved to the Scarecrow before you heard. "What?" Then you heard nothing at all. Scarecrow did a double take on you, looking between you and the Riddler. The Riddler made a quick motion with his arm that you couldn't make out and Scarecrow reached out to your face. That was when you lost consciousness.

"Remind me why we're doing this again?" "Don't look at me. It's what Edward wanted." "He better start explaining." Your eyes fluttered open but couldn't focus. Your surroundings were nothing but white lights. You weren't certain what they were. Nor could you make out a source for the talking you just heard. Your eyes shut once more.

This time you regained consciousness to nothing but a low hum from lights. It was silent. You cracked your eyes open before immediately wincing, white light immediately attacking your eyes. You rolled onto your side before slowly standing up despite the hot pain you felt immediately. "I feel like I just got jumped by Bane." You groaned out. You slowly doubled over in attempt to soothe your aching stomach muscles but instead were forced to straighten as the muscles in your back weren't fond of the idea. "You shouldn't be standing up so soon." Jonathan Crane looked at you. "You should know that." You sent Jonathan a deadpan expression. "Like you care." You looked around to see he wasn't alone. Two-Face, Riddler and the Penguin stood not to far from one another. Seeing Two-Face made you look down to your chest as though expecting to see an open wound. It was tightly bandaged. There was a slight spot of blood but nothing that seemed too serious. "We removed the bullet." Edward Nygma said before you could ask. "No, we didn't." Jonathan chided. "I did." Edward rolled his eyes. "What? Why...why would you help me?" You asked. "I got you in the shoulder." It was Harvey's turn to roll his eyes. "I reckoned you got another bullet to the head." Oswald said menacingly. "Yeah, sure. None of that explains the why." You replied flatly. "Ask him." Oswald nodded to the Riddler. "Whatever his reason, it was enough to persuade Crane." "It doesn't matter why!" The Riddler cut Oswald off. "It is no one's business!" "Regardless, I'm not hearing any gratitude." Jonathan said icily. You exhaled, silent for a moment. "Thank you for the help." You replied. "Cut the sound." Oswald grumbled. "Fed up with their voice already." There was a loud tick and you didn't get anymore answers.

You weren't sure how long had passed but after what felt like a long time of being alone, you had a visitor. He was alone and he seemed hesitant, calculating every move. Edward pressed a button that made a clunking sound in your cell but nothing was different. Until Edward pulled the door open and closed it behind him, standing in the cell with you. "Are you going to give me answers or are you here to gloat?" You asked. Edward let out a short laugh before sitting on the desk beside him. "You were much more approachable before you were shot." "I wasn't being held hostage either." You fired back. He looked around the cell. "It's actually quite nice. Arkham's cells are worse. In fact, I'd argue this is the nicest cell I've ever witnessed in Gotham." "Cool. Want to swap then?" You asked. He smirked. "There you are. Thought I'd lost your humour." "Is that why I'm here? Entertainment?" You asked. Edward shook his head. "Of course not." "What do you want from me?" You deadpanned. "You guys think using you will get me to talk?" The Riddler tilted his head before crossing one leg over the other. "Riddle me this: What I want, the poor have, the rich need, and if you eat it you'll die." He asked without bravado. It seemed sincere. You searched his eyes for any kind of trick before slowly responding. "Nothing." "Then you have your answer." He said smoothly. "Then why keep me here?" You pressed. "Because it keeps you alive. Left to anyone else and you'd be dead right now." He paused, hesitated, but seemed to dismiss the thought that came to mind as he returned your gaze.

It seemed that Edward and Jonathan would be supervising you on this particular day of captivity. You opted to stand in the middle of the cell, arms folded. The two rogues didn't say much of anything to each other and it didn't look like they needed to. Whatever they were working on, they were in sync. Suddenly the door behind them opened and someone new entered the room. The white mask is what you saw first, then the long red dreadlocks for hair. Finally the outfit resembling a jester. "What do you want?" The Riddler narrowed his eyes on him as the two rogues watched him move to the room that just so happened to have the controls of your cell. "Nothing you can give me, that's for sure." The masked person taunted. His gaze ran past you and suddenly he was very familiar. Just as you opened your mouth, he did a double take on you. "Well I'll be damned. I didn't recognise you without the mask!" You could hear the grin behind his mask. "Don't touch the controls!" Jonathan ordered coldly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I won't." The masked man drawled moving his whole body in a way that reminded you of an eyeroll. He moved into the office and grabbed what looked like a case. "Rag doll?" You asked, searching the furthest parts of your mind. You recognised him but it had been so long. Three years if you recalled correctly. "That's me!" The jester like masked man sang. He re-emerged swinging the case around casually. "I know that I know your name." You said quickly. "Give me a minute. I know it, I can do this. You were one of the firsts I captured with Batman." "Ah yes, the little bat in training. I had hope for you. You weren't like the other ones." "I get that a lot." You responded. "I got a lot of shit from Batman too for being too nice and informal." "That's the best part about you!" Ragdoll exclaimed. "Plus you got me my ointment." "You remember that!?" You grinned with a tone of surprise. "Of course! You think the other bats would have done that!? They just want to beat you up and play hero." You nodded. "We do like our fights." You smiled mischievously. Ragdoll turned his head towards the other two Rogues. "This one is an absolute angel! I couldn't even be mad that I was caught." "I know." The Riddler said icily, narrowing his gaze on him. "Peter!" You cried out as his name finally came back to you."Cannot remember your last name but it's Peter right?" "Mmhmm..." Peter sounded pleased behind his mask as he nodded. "Do I get to know yours?" "No." You chuckled. "That's the one thing you guys don't get to know. Think I don't know you'll rob me almost immediately?" Peter laughed, he didn't even try to deny that. "So did the Bat consider the crime in hiding such a pretty face? From where I'm standing it's one of the worst crimes one could commit." Edward looked to Jonathan with annoyance. Jonathan rolled his eyes with a shake of his head before returning to what he was doing in the computer. "Nah, wasn't wanted." You replied, stepping closer as Ragdoll moved towards your cell. "Joker ripped off my mask and Two-Face shot me." You explained. Ragdoll looked you up and down. "Well that's not too bad! It could have been worse. Besides...the rest of us are certainly benefitting." You felt yourself blush. "Alright, that's enough. You're voice is grating!" Edward snapped. "You got what you needed, now leave!" Ragdoll sighed, flopping slightly just as he did before. "Alright, alright. I'm going." Ragdoll turned back to you. "I hope I see you again sometime soon...preferably without the mask." He giggled as Edward protested again, this time louder. You waved at Ragdoll as he moved towards the exit. He muttered something about Edward and Jonathan being terrible at sharing. Once he was gone, Edward stormed into the office seemingly rifling through papers. You looked at Jonathan with confusion. "Green not just in clothing but with jealousy." He grinned. The grin made you uneasy. Jonathan grinning was a sight you rarely saw and it was usually never for anything good. "Shut up!" Edward roared making you jump.

You eventually grew more accustomed to the rogues. They seemed a bit more human. Then again, you were seeing them on a daily basis for hours. Although there was improvement as Cobblepot didn't seem to want you dead anymore. Well, at least he didn't bring up killing you every five minutes. That could be considered improvement couldn't it? Although you didn't anticipate Harley heading your cell, alone, with a grin. "Hey sugar! Guess what! You 'n' me? We're going on a trip! I need your help finding something of Crane's. You'll help won't cha!?" If only she had given much more detail to what you two would actually be doing.

"Harley, we can't be in here, Scarecrow will makes wish we were dead and then kill us!" You whispered hurriedly. "Pah! Been there, done that! Get in here!" Harley dragged you in. "Start huntin' honey!" "What am I even looking for!?" You asked with exasperation. "Orange goopy stuff, ideally in a test tube." Harley shot back. Jonathan's apartment was frighteningly clean. You expected it to be a mess, covered with evil villain plans and unintelligible scribbles you couldn't understand. Yet it was spotless. Cleaner than you could have ever hoped to be. Maybe it was true that serial killers were frighteningly clean. Meanwhile, Harley poured milk into her bowl of cereal before heading to the brown leather couch that had definitely seen better days. She took a big mouthful, chewing a few times before grimacing. She didn’t even swallow and instead spat out the contents. "Yuck! It's stale!" With a scrunched nose, she tossed the bowl over her head. It landed on the floor behind the couch. The sound of the bowl breaking upon impact of the hardwood floor had you running out of Jonathan's bedroom. "What are you doing!?" You asked, eyes wide before your eyes noticed a growing puddle of milk. You moved further into the room before gasping. "What did you do that for!? We're supposed to be sneaky!" "Sneaky!? Pfft. I plan on telling him his locks are shit when we get back." "Wait we're telling him about this!?" "Ha yeah!" Harley grinned widely, already excited by the thought alone.

Harley practically skipped back to the large room containing your cell, dragging you along with one hooked arm, the other holding the vials of chemicals. "Lookie what I got!?" Harley called and a perplexed Scarecrow and Riddler turned, relieved when they saw you. "Did they escape!?" Riddler demanded. "Escape...?" Harley looked at you before it dawned upon her. "Nah! I took 'em with me and got these." She grinned holding out the vials. Before Edward could lecture Harley Jonathan cut him off. "Are those my fear toxin!?" Jonathan demanded icily. "Duh! Jervis said he wanted some, you said you didn't have it so I went into your apartment and took the vigilante out for a walk whilst I was at it!" "I wouldn't give him any regardless! You showed the vigilante where I live!?" "Dude...it's not really a big secret. I know where most of you live. Comes with the territory." You said. "What does Jervis want with fear toxin?" Edward asked suddenly distracted from his primary concern. "I don't know and I don't care." Jonathan replied icily. "Harley, you and I will need to have a private conversation. Now." Harley whined let Jonathan grab her and drag her out the room much like she had previous done to you.

You blinked as Edward sighed. "Wait, Jervis like Jervis Tetch?" Your eyes widened. Edward hummed with a nod. You barely held back the groan and Edward turned his head in questioning. "Please tell me he isn't here." You spoke. Edward scoffed. "Of course not. It is very few times that I do see him. Why?" "Because he creeps me out." Edward froze before turning his full body to face you. "You're scared of Jervis Tetch?" He asked with a look of disbelief. You nodded. "Out of everyone, he's the one that scares you?" He looked at you like you had just kicked a puppy before his very eyes. Offended and shocked. "I'm much more intimidating than he could ever be." He huffed, turning his back to you. "Yeah but you're not creepy. Extreme but not creepy. You're like the good weird and he's the weird weird." You noticed his silence. "Hey, that's a good thing y'know. That's a compliment." "I am Batman's greatest nemesis and the worst thing you could describe me as is a 'good weird'? Like I'm just a quirky criminal?" You sighed. "No. There's a reason why you're known more than most of Gotham's criminals. Besides, more can be said about you than me. You're smart-" "I'm a genius of the highest caliber." Edward muttered sourly. "-and creative. You're resourceful and driven. Resilient." You finished. "I am Batman's one of many sidekicks...was...was his sidekick." You trailed off. The Riddler suddenly huffed out a laugh. You narrowed your eyes on him and that was when he turned to face you once more. "You are a mystery." Edward began. "I'll admit you're amusing. Versatile-a force to be reckoned with. After all, I found you worthy enough of my time. I wasn't completely disappointed if I gained your attention rather than Batman's." It was strange compliment but you chose to take it as one. Edward Nygma only gave himself the highest of praises. The fact that he gave you one at all spoke volumes. He even said so himself. "You were a pain in the ass to fight though." You cracked a smile. "All those damn Riddles and challenges. You knew I couldn't figure most of them out." "I also knew when you tried to cheat." He smiled smugly. "You even dropped the worst hints you knew still didn't make sense." You huffed. "That's your problem. I don't give hints. You're the first." Edward seemed to enjoy the exchange. "At least I get that title." You shot back. "Made me want to punch you though." "I know." Edward grinned. "Although, you never actually did." "I'd feel guilty if I ruined that pretty face of yours." You smirked. "Flattery will get you everywhere, dear." He replied. "Ah, so I should have told Batman to give you some compliments and then you'd comply?" You raised an eyebrow. Edward chuckled "No. Flattery will only get you everywhere." You felt the blush in your cheeks before breaking away. The Riddler always seemed to get the last word with you.

Now that you had been in captivity for a good amount of time and no one had come looking for you, Edward couldn't help but wonder what the next stage was. It was Edward who has kept you alive the entire time but now that he had, the time called for the next stage. Although what was that exactly? Edward was rather content keeping you there with them where you could heal and he'd be able to check on you. However the idea of keeping you in a transparent container wasn't exactly a permanent fix. It threw him into a loop of questions as he was unable to decide what really to do that had only followed him back home.

"Edward Nygma." Upon pure instinct, he turned and threw the first heavy thing in sight. He heard it hit skin as he turned to see you holding the heavy metal cylinder inches from your face. "Ooft. You're jumpy. Someone a little stressed when they don't control everything?" "What in the hell are you doing here?" Edward asked is disbelief, his mouth agape. You lightly shrugged. "Enjoying the fresh air." "How did you even get in!?" Edward was sure there wasn't a broken window or lock. You shrugged again. "You left your windows unlocked." The response only invited more questions. "I live on the fifth floor, no one is climbing through my windows." Edward said incredulously and you grinned, pointing at yourself. Finally you acknowledged the metal cylinder in your hand. "You could have hurt with me that." You tossed it back to him and he caught it with ease. "That was the intent. I didn't know it was you- why are you here!?" He asked again incredulously. "You know for super smart super villains, you guys forgot to feed me. I waited eighteen hours." "You were sleeping for twelve." Edward shot back. "Painful really. Imagine not having anything to eat for all those hours and then wait another six?" You nodded towards the kitchen. "I helped myself with a ready meal." "You what?" Edward briskly moved to the kitchen to find his microwave was on. That was when he realised he had just left you unattended. He hurried back in to see you looking around the room and peering into his bedroom. "Y'know I thought the obsession with green was a Riddler thing for the aesthetic and gimmick but this is a little concerning that all of your rooms are green." "Shut up! You can't be here!" Edward dismissed your previous comment. Suddenly, there was a ding! Your eyes lit up. "That's my food ready!" You hurried past him into the kitchen.

Edward stood in a stunned silence, unable to really believe what was happening before him. You had somehow escaped, found where he lived, climbed five stories to get through his window and had helped yourself to his food whilst he was gone. All the while, you were supposed to be back in the glass chamber. Edward was torn, wondering if he should call Jonathan or, quite frankly, anyone to really take in that the prisoner was no longer a prisoner but an uninvited guest in his home. "Nygma!? Why do you only have plastic forks!? This doesn't count as cutlery!" Edward didn't respond, he was still at a complete loss for any kind of words. "Edward, you're so cute when you're flustered." You grinned before shoveling another fork full into your mouth. "Shut up. This isn't happening. Not like this!" Edward said with disbelief. "But you did picture me in your apartment?" You smirked. "Don't make me drag you back to that room myself by your neck." Edward glowered. "Listen, I went to your place because I trust you and figured if anyone is going to have my back it's you." A smile grew on your face. "Looks like all that flirting paid off, Nygma." Edward sighed squeezing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "I can't go home. You know who I am. I've been in your apartment for three hours and haven't contacted anyone. I've only ate some food and judged your lack of cutlery and judged what's clearly a fixation on the colour green.I think I've earned the trust to be out of that glass cell." You said matter of factly. There was a moment of silence as Edward seemed to give in. Not to mention mentally prepare for the calls he’d have to make since you weren’t in that cell anymore. Meanwhile you seemed distracted by something else. "I'm never going to see you that flustered ever again, am I?" You asked seemingly dismayed. "Not a chance." Edward shot back.

"We need to pull over and get snacks!" You declared surging forward from the backseat. "No, we don't." Jonathan said stoically whilst Two-Face's protest was a lot more colourful. However you were determined. "We have to, it's right there! Two-Face- you two shot me, if you do this then we're even and you're forgiven." Silence was met. "Harvey!" You exclaimed. Harvey sighed as he began to drive somewhere to park the car. You let out a maniacal laugh of victory.

One night, Edward took you to abandoned offices but wouldn't tell you why. He insisted that you asked no questions but just hurried along. You couldn't help but notice these abandoned offices hadn't been abandoned very long ago considering how clean the place still was. The Riddler pulled out a laptop and began to type furiously. You walked around Edward looking at his screen. It was missing person profiles and he seemed to be rifling through them. "Please tell me you don't know those people." You grimaced. "I don't." He replied. "We came all this way for a Internet search?" "Something like that." You sighed at his lackluster response and looked around the room.

After a few minutes, Edward seemed on edge and ready to leave...quickly. You looked out the window, the only light emitting from the outside city, colours of red, orange, pinks and blues upon your face. However it wasn't the city that broke your heart that night. You caught sight of the Batman, Bruce, moving from one building to the other with his grapple. "We should hurry." Edward said quickly and moved towards the door but quickly noticed you weren't behind him. "Hey...come on, we don't have a lot of-" Edward cut himself off seeing the tear run down your cheek. "What is it?" "What has the Batman been doing?" You asked steadily. "Same as always be a general nuisance dressed like a bat and handing people into the GCPD. Why?" Edward said as he moved closer. His answer seemed to bring a new wave of tears to the surface as you pressed your hands against the window. "I saw him." Tears welled in your eyes. "Is that what he's been doing all this time?" You asked incredulously. "Did he even look for me?" Your hands shook against the glass. "We need to go." Edward said quickly and tugged at the hand on the glass. "Wasn't I enough!?" You span on your heel to face him. "Wasn't I important enough for him to look!?" You asked hurriedly, tears ran down your face. For once the Riddler looked at a loss for words. You looked broken. As though your whole life had come crashing down upon you and perhaps it had. "I can sneak up on you or be right in front of you without you knowing. But when I reveal myself you will never be the same. What am I?" He asked quietly. You slowly shook your head as a sob escaped you. "Betrayal." He replied. "I don't have the answer to that. You're important enough to me. That's why we need to go right now. We can handle this later, okay?"He didn't wait for an answer as Edward dragged you out of the room.

In the car ride back, Oswald and Edward seemed to stare you down. Meanwhile you stared at your lap, the tear stains having since dried. You were eerily quiet and clearly heart broken. The two nearly jumped when you broke the silence. "Edward?" You asked, not tearing your gaze from your lap. Edward hummed quietly, inspecting you for any movement. "Did he look for me at all?" You asked. After a few moments of silence, he responded. "I don't know. It doesn't seem so." To your surprise, Edward changed the course as Oswald revealed you were going back to your cell. "No, I'll take them with me." He said making you look up. Oswald gave him a look, challenging Edward to push his patience. However Edward only stared him down icily. Oswald seemed to be the first to cave as he ordered the driver to turn around.

Edward stared at you. He wasn't sure just what he was waiting for. Maybe an outburst? Tears? Regardless he leaned against the arch from the far side of the room beside the kitchen. His arms crossed and waited for you to do or say something. After a few minutes of silence, he heard your voice. "Edward?" You asked softly. "Hm?" He hummed in reply. "Can I ask you something?" Your voice was barely above a whisper. "Yes." He moved across the room, closer to you. "You didn't want me knowing what happened after I was shot." You began. "I didn't think it important at the time nor did I think you'd be prepared for it." He responded. "Don't do that. Don't talk like you care about how I feel." Edward said nothing at first, seemingly looking you over before his own questions came to mind. "Why are you so defensive? I thought you and I got on well given the circumstances." It was a tease, you knew that. "Yeah, but...it wasn't a reason to spare my life." "Wasn't it?" Edward tilted his head. "I don't want you dead. If anyone, I'd want the Batman to die. Maybe his other pesky little minions but not you."

A few days passed. Despite your recoil, the two of you maintained being civil. A lot went unsaid and it hung in the air. Ironically, what wasn't said was so loud in the silence that it couldn't be ignored or forgotten. The only options were acknowledgement or hide from it. Edward was used to the silence in his apartment... until you came along. Now it was a little unsettling. The silence put him on edge because he knew something was wrong. He couldn't manage working not whilst your silence chipped away at him. Eventually he couldn't bare it. He leaned against the wall as he caught sight of you sitting by the window watching the rain as it ran down the window. It was pouring, ironically fitting to the mood. "Can I talk to you about something?" You spoke up. Edward hummed with a nod before moving to sit before you upon the windowseat with you. "I know it might not have seemed like it but..." You began. "I really wanted Batman's approval. I worked so hard to be just as good as the others...kind of like a sibling rivalry." You smiled sadly. "I always wanted to hear that I made him proud. You've probably figured he's not that type of guy and you're right about that. I just wanted to be enough for him." Tears brimmed your eyes. "Seeing him earlier, he's not looking for me." Your jaw quivered. "In the end, I wasn't enough for him to even look. This whole time I was waiting for him and he isn't coming." A tear ran down your cheek. Edward said nothing at first, his expression unreadable. "Then I can only deduct that he is as blind as he is stupid." The Riddler said. "There are many like him who don't have the brain to see what's truly in front of them. There are even bigger idiots who don't even realise what they've lost when it's gone." "I'm really sorry, Eddie." You said quietly. "This whole time I've been holding onto something, all the while I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you." You said softly. "I also put you there." He replied. "Regardless, I made the choice to go and ever since you've basically taken care of me. So I thank you for that and I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused." You cracked a smile. "Not to mention how I just put all of this on you without any warning." He hummed in amusement. "It's nothing. I know how it feels." You seemed surprised by the response. "You do?" You asked and he nodded with a sigh. "I always enjoyed puzzles, since I could remember nothing made me happier." You gave him your full attention. He continued. "They were a distraction. My mother was an absent parent until she simply got up and left one day without explanation. My father..." Edward grimaced like he had a bad taste in his mouth, eyes lit up with anger. "My father was a worthless nobody right up to the day he died. As kids we're encouraged to focus on education, that it would take us places higher than we could dream and I wanted that. I didn't want to live in that infested shit hole even then never mind now." He swallowed. "So I worked hard, I was always academically gifted and that was my weapon back then against the world. My father on the other hand relied upon alcohol and used their bottles as weapons...even against his own son." Your eyebrows raised in disbelief. "He was so insistent that I was cheating. He couldn't believe for even a moment that his son was nothing short of a genius so with every test, I got perfect A's and my reward was to be beaten - everytime I brought those results home because I was a cheat!" He grew heated at the memories. "I'll tell you one thing, I never cheat. I have never cheated! I am too intelligent to need to cheat!" That explained a lot. To Edward, nothing was worse than a cheat. It was the only time you ever saw him truly livid. Yet now you knew why. His father was why. Parents were supposed to praise their children with good grades and for Edward, it was used against him. "I understand completely what it feels like to be ignored. I know what it is to want to please someone who cannot be pleased, I learned that at a very young age. When I got older, I decided my father wasn't worth my time. He wasn't worth the air he breathed." Edward ground out before he looked to you. "It's what I see in you. Batman is not worth your time. If he was, he'd have tipped this city upside down until he knew where you were. Be done with him. Everything becomes clearer when you do." Edward rethought his words with a soft huff of laughter. "I've never spoken about that before." He said quietly and steadily before meeting your gaze. "I never told anyone. Not until now." "I won't tell anyone." You said quietly before offering your pinky to him."Want me to pinky promise?" You offered and he exhaled through another laugh. "I believe you." He responded. "Can i ask a kind of weird question?" You asked and he hesitantly nodded, wary that anything could come out of your mouth. "Can I give you a hug?" You asked as your voice cracked, reminding him that you had been upset. Yet you seemed to be more upset now. He nodded uncertainly. It wasn't everyday he was hugged, especially by a crime-fighting vigilante. Yet you didn't seem hesitant at all when you hugged him, like you were hugging an old friend. "I'm so sorry, Edward. You deserve so much better than that." That last sentence changed his perspective completely. He knew that you understood because he did deserve better, that was the whole point and so did you. Edward wrapped his arms around you.

You knew Edward was a work-a-holic. However to really see it close and personally actually made it concerning. He barely slept and was constantly scribbling furiously or pondering complicated equations that you couldn't read. They were scattered in notebooks and whiteboards, black boards, you were certain he wasn't far from writing on the walls and ceiling. It wouldn't be the first time after all. You heard his phone vibrate on the table beside you. Edward couldn't be further away from it. "Hey, Crane's texting you." "I know. I'm ignoring him." Edward didn't so much as turn to reply but his response didn't skip a beat. "Why? Trouble in paradise?" Edward rolled his eyes with a scoff. "I'm busy with more important things than he could ever be." "What are you doing?" You asked him. "Using someone's WiFi." He replied. "For what?" You pressed. "Don't worry about it.” You eyed another notification. "He wants to know when you'll be ready." You informed Edward who scoffed again. "He can wait until I'm good and ready. You cannot rush a genius!" "Okay, gimme. I'll text him." You plucked his phone from the desk. "I'll tell him that we'll meet him at the lounge." "You won't do anything stupid tonight will you vigilante?" Edward grumbled. "I think I can handle you and your friends, Nygma." You teased. "You couldn't handle me if I came with instructions." Edward replied smoothly. "Oh yeah? I can show you how well I can handle you, Nygma." "Stop it." He warned but you knew him well enough to know he didn't really mean it. Especially since you were pretty certain you had gotten the Riddler blushing. "Now isn't the time to distract me." Pitiful excuse. You snorted. "Oh? Tell me how distracting I am." "No, you know damn well you little tease." He responded.

Later that night, Jonathan put a hand on Edward's shoulder, leaning in. "Never let the vigilante near your phone again and never give them my number." Edward paused from bringing his drink to his lips. "What?" You asked. "I only texted you that we'd meet you here. I didn't even send kisses or emoji's like a human!" Jonathan raised an eyebrow as he stared you down. "No, you sent me words without punctuation and so many spelling errors that it is shameful. I was a professor and a psychiatrist. Someone in this shit hole spent precious time to teach your lazy ass the English language and you offend that individual and myself as a educator with your pitiful attempt at communication." "Okay-" Edward began but Jonathan cut him off. "I'm not done and the vigilante asked." Jonathan said flatly. He returned his attention back to you and the group. "You sent me 'C U at the lounge l8r' The letter 'C' does not equal the word 'See'. The word 'you' starts with a 'y' not a 'u' and doesn't require a capital. It's supposed to be the second word in a coherent sentence. You did well with the next three words, correct spacing and spelling. Although that is what a ten year old should be able to accomplish so I can't give you a mark for that. Now pay attention because this is where things go very wrong." You sent the group a side glance but none seemed to be willing to assist. "'later' does not have a number in it." "Ah, I see. The symbolic type would take the concept of time within later and flip that eight into an infinity symbol, therefore leaving infinite time between the 'L' and the 'R'." You agreed, your tone dripped in sarcasm. Both Jonathan and Edward stared you down, neither amused by the comment. "Now, you have sent that pathetic excuse of a message to me without a full stop. Do you intend on finishing this sentence because if so your pause calls for an ellipsis." Jonathan’s drawls became boring very quickly, so much so that you weren’t sure how anyone could sit in his classes. Although you were certain that you would get him back. You’d make him eat his words if you had to.

You felt a shoulder lean against yours. Edward leaned into you. "Penny for your thoughts?" "So Crane spoke to me like I was a five year old." You leaned closer to him to be heard. "Mhmm." He nodded with amusement. "A thing Jonathan and I have in common." You hummed before kicking your legs over his. "Gimme your phone." You said as you reached for your own phone. He sighed before digging into his jacket pocket, handing you his phone and rest his arm on the back of the booth. You immediately went into his contacts before typing on your own phone. Edward's head bumped against yours slightly as he watched you. "Why are you after Jonathan's number?" Edward asked. "Watch and learn my handsome friend. Watch and learn." You said smoothly. He began to read your message. "You need to get eggplant emoji, hand signal emoji, three drops emoji. I don’t think Jonathan needs a wet eggplant, dear." Edward crinkled his nose. "It's not a eggplant.. think more symbolism with modern slang." There was a small pause. "So is that-" "Yup." You said quickly. "Which means the eggplant-" "Oh yeah." You grinned and you felt his chest bob up and down against your arm, laughing. "Put a translation after that, correct punctuation. It'll drive him mad." Edward said. You looked at him. "You really are a genius." You typed for a couple of minutes before leaning towards him, showing the result. 'Dear Dr Jonathan Crane. Upon observation, it could be determined that you are in need, as the youth may say, 'to get laid'. Your libido may thank you. Long story short, get a girlfriend or boyfriend who will tolerate you for more than three seconds. Good luck with that xx'

Whether it was a lack of trust, no one to babysit or this was a test, they began to actually take you places with them less like dragging the captive along. You weren’t complaining. It was the closest thing you had to freedom in weeks. Seemingly the Rogues were meeting up in the Iceberg Lounge and Two-Face was distracted by something upon his phone. The Riddler bit his lip, trying not to laugh as you wildly failed, dancing to the music directly behind Two-Face and the man had no idea. When Oswald saw what Edward was looking at, he let out a booming laugh. As the night continued, the more you seemed to really relax. Harley pulled you into her as the two of you sang your hearts out, barely audible over the music. 'I'd stand up and punch their mouth! Coz they're all wrong and that last kiss! I'll cherish! Until we meet again!' "What is happening here?" Oswald looked at the two of your quizzically. Joker cackled. Meanwhile, Jonathan, Edward and Harvey could only stare with slight disbelief. That was a sight they never thought they’d see.

Edward brought it up the moment he got you alone. Edward leaned down slightly to be heard. You leaned up to him. "You appear to be having a good time!" You nodded whilst lip syncing the song playing. 'You're out of touch, I'm out of time! But I'm out of my head when you're not around!' You wrapped your arms around his neck. "I am!" Then you continued with the song, making him sway slightly with you. Edward said nothing but a small smile was upon his face. His own arms were around your waist. Neither of you thought anything of it. However the other rogues noticed almost immediately. You were mid conversation with Harley and Ivy when your phone rang. You answered it and after a moment you blinked. "...Okay, can you put Jonathan on the phone, please?" You asked. "Yeah, Jonathan. Thanks, Ed." The moment you heard Jonathan's voice you smiled slightly. "Alright can you translate what Edward just said in dumbed down words?" There was a pause. "Well why couldn't he just say that!?" You cried out before you let out a huff. "Fine. I'll do that." You hung up your phone. "What did he say?" Harley asked. "Ed wants me to cut the power to his hideout." You rolled your eyes. "Of course he said it in academic gibberish so Jonathan translated." Ivy rolled her eyes as Harley looked at you with amusement.

You were running a few minutes late meeting Edward but you couldn't help but notice how quiet the building was. Usually you just had to follow the sound of bravado or annoyance but this time was eerily quiet. It had you on edge by the time you got to the third floor. That's when you heard faint talking down the hall. As you walked down the hall you could make out a very irate Edward. You heard Edward's voice behind the closed door ahead of you but before you could open it, your wrist was grabbed and you were pulled into the next room.

You met eyes with the culprit to see familiar bright red dreadlocks and a white mask without features or expression. "Peter?" You began but he cut you off. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you." "Why?" You asked. "Because Eddie is not very happy right now and it involves you." "Me? What did I do now?" You groaned. He shrugged. "Joker is on the phone and apparently he said something that would tick our green friend off." The voices in the next room grew louder. Peter turned towards a glass cabinet taking out two glasses and handing you one before pressing it against the wall and pressing his ear against the glass. You copied him and suddenly Edward's voice was much more clear.

"Oh I think I can." Edward replied coldly. "Out of respect for the friendship the vigilante has with Harley, I will give you only one warning. Stay away from them." Edward said icily. "If you don't, I'll ensure that will be your last laugh and then spend the rest of my days ensuring that the city of Gotham, even Batman won't remember just who Joker was." There was a moment of silence before a fist pounded into the table. "You get too worked up, Edward. You know the Joker lives for such reactions." You heard Jonathan say cooly. "He might not give a damn about Harley but he will not even think of raising a finger that will affect the vigilante." Edward snapped. "It's clear that you care but that might only make him all the more interested." "I'm not afraid of the Joker!" Edward said loudly. "If he wants a fight, he'll get one!" "Enough." Jonathan drawled. "You've made your point." You pulled away, not wanting to intrude on their privacy but Peter continued to listen on. Edward let out a frustrated sigh. "I understand your predicament." Jonathan walked around the table to Edward's side. "In a world that has deemed you the wrong and the villain, all you want is to be loved. A mother who never stuck around and a father you ultimately wished had just left. Neither there to give you the love you so desperately want." "Shut up, Crane." Edward warned with a clenched jaw but Jonathan didn't. He continued. "The vigilante offers you that. Actually, let me rephrase: you need to be loved, Edward." Edward quietly scoffed at Jonathan's words but the crack of his voice, lump in his throat and eyes beginning to water was enough to say otherwise. In attempt to hide it, Edward kept his head down but Jonathan knew. He always knew. Edward cleared his throat. "Then you understand why." He ground out. "Of course. I never said that I thought you were wrong. Your heart is in the right place but your head is struggling Edward. Prod at the wrong time and person and I fear you'll only put a beacon of attention upon them." Jonathan paused. "If it comes to it, I'll pull some strings. Keep the wandering eye...distracted." The conversation was cut short as you opened the door.

"Hey." You greeted them with a half smile and nod. Edward looked away quickly. "What's wrong?" You asked looking in-between them. "Nothing." Jonathan replied as Edward suddenly looked up. "Let's head back home now. You're here and I still only have one key." Edward dug into his pocket, dangling his keys in front of you and steering you with him. "Okay, but everything's okay?" You asked Edward. "Everything's fine." He assured you. Jonathan spared you a nod as you stole a glance at him. He seemed to cover for Edward in a heartbeat.

The walk home was somewhat off as Edward seemed very distracted and seemed to be holding back. "You're making me worry now." You sent him a smile. "You know you can tell me if something is bothering you." "Correction: something was bothering me until I fixed it. Its hardly worth thinking about. Much like Joker himself." "Ah, so this is about the Joker?" You already knew that but played along. "I've just about had enough of his nonsense." He replied curtly. "Haven't we all?" You nudged him with your elbow with a smile. "It's taken care of right?" Edward nodded. "Then chin up. You know the more you pout, the more I melt." You smiled. He cracked a smile at that as the conversation fizzled out.

The silence had you thinking about everything. From the very moment you met Edward Nygma until now. With what you had overheard. You couldn't help but let your mind run in circles. Something didn't add up. Jonathan had said to Edward about his need to be loved, the flirting, the night at the iceberg lounge, when he told you about his past. You certain something was missing. It was only when you put yourself in Edward's shoes did you have an inkling of why he'd have saved you that night and his insistence on protecting you now. The two of you had just gotten home but you were more distracted than he was. "Twice." You mumbled. "What?" "You protected me that night and you didn't have to. You still do. I've haven't seen you do that for anyone. It wasn't like you." Edward stayed quiet as you continued. "Edward..." You slowly turned your head to look at him. A realisation coming to your mind. "...why did you want me alive so badly?" There was a moment of silence before he reluctantly spoke. "I cannot be bought, but I can be stolen with one glance. I'm worthless to one but priceless to two. What am I?" You didn't know. Nothing came to mind. "I don't know." You admitted quietly. "Do you remember what you said when we first met?" He asked. You did.

It was nightfall and you were hunting down the Riddler and the Penguin. Batman chased down Cobblepot whilst you chased Edward. You had cornered Edward on a rooftop and Edward was just about to make a snarky comment of the usual vigilante gloating about being locked away and how justice prevailed. Yet you didn't. You completely caught him off guard. "So is it love at first sight or will I keep stopping by?" You grinned. He had mistaken it for smugness but he was taken aback by the shameless flirt. He was certain Batman did not teach you that. Love at first sight. A heart stolen by a glance. Edward had thought that to have been a one off. Yet when he saw you again, it happened again. "Nice suit. I like a guy in a suit. Did you get all dressed up for my benefit because I am benefitting." That grin, you were so confident and Edward hated how caught off guard you had him. He quickly sputtered out how his clothes were of his caliber for he is the Riddler, the smartest man in Gotham. You didn't argue with him on that. Nor did you make any remark condescending him. It became a thing, Edward got used to your advances and even returned some of his own. Sure, it was playful but you couldn't deny you found Edward to be very handsome and furthermore, very difficult to dislike.

You knew how you felt for a while but could never imagine that he'd return the feelings. So with the answer coming to your mind, you stiffened. "Love?" You whispered. Edward said nothing but turned his body to fully face you. "It's silly." Edward said flatly. "Why?" You pressed. "How can I care for someone and I don't even know their name?" He asked. His words stunned you into silence. Everything in you told you that would be a terrible risk to take. Yet perhaps the middle ground is that you knew his name. You knew where he lived. You knew what he did. You let out a breath, before moving forward. Edward just about towered over you as you looked up to meet his gaze you put your hands upon his shoulder and hesitantly leaned close to his ear. You whispered a name. Something that meant very little to you as it was so frequent but for Edward it was very important. A release from the constant wonder. He thought maybe your face would have been enough but it wasn't. You leaned back, meeting his gaze. "I just told you my name." Edward swallowed. "Why? Why would you tell me now?" He asked quietly. "Because I know yours and...I trust you. I trust you with my name."

You tried to push your luck by distracting Edward. He worked too much and this particular night was your lucky night as you convinced him not only to stay home but to not work at all. The two of you sat on the couch, beers in hand and occupied yourself watching a variety of horror movies and critiquing the protagonists stupidity in such dire situations. Edward went that much further in pointing out the flaws in the antagonists traps and plans. He spoke like it was no surprise some would fail. He did speak like it was a surprise if the antagonists won but deemed it purely down to the stupidity of the protagonists. "I'll need to get your take on these old day-time movies." You said with a smile. "And turn my brilliant brain to mush?" He scoffed. "That would be a very slow death." You chuckled. "Not to worry, I'm super picky about my movies." "I will worry until I know your preferences. For all I know your picky and your taste is horrendous." You let out a laugh. "Fair enough." You took another drink. "Alright, say you had to watch a horrifically cheesy rom-com with me or any of the others, who would you pick?" You asked. Edward groaned rolling his head back. "It's between you, Jonathan and Oswald." He grumbled and you fist pumped. "Top three baby." The Riddler rolled his eyes. "Any other time I'd say Oswald but I don't think he'd help the already painful situation but watching such weak minded attempts at entertainment. Jonathan would suck the life out of it just as he does everything else." Edward hummed, sucking his teeth. "You. You would balance out the pros of both of them. Even if only you would be the Mastermind to such a ridiculous torture." He finished and you giggled. "You want torture, I can do you one better. Rom-coms with Jervis Tetch." You smiled into your beer bottle, taking another drink as Edward groaned, his head falling back. "Don't even suggest such a thing. If you want overly enthusiastic individuals to watch such garbage with, he's the one you're looking for. He's a few brain cells away from believing them to be real." You turned to Edward. "Wow. He's really that far out of reality?" You said, eyes wide. "That's on his good days." Edward nodded. "Yikes. I feel bad for him." "Don't. He certainly doesn't." Edward shrugged. "Well, you and me for the rom-coms. We sound like quite the dream team." You paused. "Don't tell Robin or Nightwing I said that. It will upset them and you will lose at least five hours of your day." Edward rolled his eyes. "They just wouldn't understand, would they little Vigilante?" He sighed with a small smile. "No one ever does, honey." You agreed, playing along. "Even when we're on opposing sides, I can't bring myself to hit that pretty face of yours." You squished his cheeks and he sent you a playful look of confusion as he pulled his face free. "It wouldn't be near as entertaining without you. That I will admit." He agreed. "Did you miss me when I wasn't there to get you and it was only Batman?" You elbowed him lightly. Edward hummed. "I never noticed your absence, dear." "That is a bold faced lie, Edward Nygma. I won't tolerate these fabrications." You shook your head before taking another drink. "I got more peace and quiet before the beatings." Edward answered. "Although I will admit I did miss your games. You made it all the more interesting." "And you made it more difficult knowing I'm shit at riddles." You giggled. "No, you're better than you like to admit. You could figure some of the easier ones just fine if you used your brain and didn't reach for Google." He said smoothly before taking a drink. "But I can't be bothered." You whined. "That's the problem." Edward replied. "Maybe it's what you need before you start a Riddle Cult or something." You huffed. Edward hummed in amusement before looking at you. "There has always been a mutual sentiment that no one around us can understand but us." The Riddler nodded carefully with a small smile. "I really wish that I could hate you." You said quietly. The two of you should despise each other. There should be little to no loving feelings between a hero and a villain. Yet for you and Edward, it seemed like there was nothing but love and appreciation for the other.

One evening, Edward had texted you an address, telling you to meet him there. You complied and called him when you had arrived. Yet as he answered the phone, it was clear things were not going well. You heard things go south quickly on the phone. "Shit! He's here!" You heard Two-Face in the background. "Edward, what's going on?" You asked. "We're still in the building!" Edward said hurriedly. "The Bat is looking for us!" "Harley get down! He'll see you!" You heard Jonathan snap. "I'm just across the street.” You said as you crossed the road and into the high-rise building. "The roof right?" "Yes...what are you doing?" Edward asked. "You need a quick getaway and I need answers." You said before hanging up the phone. "No!" Edward loudly protested. "We have to go and get them!" Jonathan caught his wrist."No, they're giving us this chance, we should take it!" "We'll stick close but we gotta get out of here." Two-Face said. Harley nodded in agreement. Eventually you came into sight for the rogues.

"Hey." You said making Batman turn, you saw his eyes widen as he barely contained how taken aback he was. "You're...you're here." "Yeah...I am." You replied. "You seem almost surprised." "I am. Where have you been? How did-" You cut Batman off quickly. "You didn't look for me, did you?" Your voice trembled slightly. "I thought you were dead." Batman admitted. He had always had a hard time after Jason was gone. You knew that but he was so quick to leave you and leave you there of all places. You nodded, tears brimming your eyes."Did you ever think of me?" You asked him. Your eyes held the fear you clearly had of the answer. "Come back with me." Batman said firmly. You shook your head. "No...no it's too late for that." You turned your back to him and began to walk away, your arms crossed. You swallowed back the tears. You had hoped that was enough time for the rogues to escape because it was all you could stomach.

You walked as quickly as you could and didn't look back even when you heard a call from behind you. It didn't sound like the Batman but you couldn't slow down for anyone. "Where they hell are they going!?" Penguin huffed at Edward. It was Harley who began running after you. She caught up to you quickly and caught your wrist, forcing you to look at her. She noticed your tear filled eyes, the tears threatening to fall at any moment as you tried to stifle back your sobs. Harley didn't say a word as she gave you a sympathetic look before pulling you into a hug. "Let's head back, hm?" Harley asked and you nodded against her shoulder. Harley took your hand in hers before calling back to the other rogues. "Well don't just stand there bozo's! Let's go already!" Harley held your hand tightly in hers before walking with you down the street. "You okay?" She asked. "No." You admitted quietly. "Wanna talk about it?" "Not really." You replied. She squeezed your hand in reassurance.

Once you got home, Edward was quick to give you hell for risking yourself for him and the others so suddenly. Then he demanded to know what happened between you and Batman and you told him. "He wants you back!?" Edward burst out with laughter. Although Edward couldn’t help but notice you thinking about it and that frightened him. You had doubts. "(Y/N)?" He asked. His confidence faltering at your silence. He looked at your expression and your inability to meet his eyes. "You can't be serious." He began. "You're honestly considering going back there!?" "I don't know!" You admitted. "It's not really an easy decision." "It is actually, if you look at the facts. He left you- I didn't!" "I was shot!" You argued back. "You helped arrange the ambush!" "The ambush was for the bat, not you!" Edward snapped. "It doesn't matter! You knew someone would get hurt!" You insisted. "Then where has he been all this time!?" Edward asked. "Whilst you were locked in a cell, whilst you were here with me, he wasn't! You think he couldn't find you if he wanted to!?" You swallowed back tears. "You'd honestly go with him?" Edward said to himself almost in disbelief as his expression turned from anger to fear. "We were happy..." Edward sounded almost broken, like with every passing second his heart was breaking. He moved his hand as though to reach out to you before he hesitated. "We were, weren't we?" His voice cracked. For once, Edward looked uncertain, almost frightened that if he said one wrong word that you'd run off. "He thought I was dead." You whispered. "I'm not going anywhere with anyone. I just...need time to think and really figure out what to do." You hoped Edward really heard your words. You weren't ready to let him go but at the same time, what did that mean for you? Could you turn your back on Gotham? "I don't know what to do just...give me time." Edward's expression was unreadable as he blankly stared at you before he stormed out of the room.

The next night you were sitting on one of Gotham's many rooftops with Harley. "So Ed's being a ass lately. So angry." Harley crinkled her nose. "Is he like that with you too?" You shook your head. "No. He barely looks at me. I upset him." "Hm? What did ya do?" Harley asked. You told her of your encounter with Batman and explained your feelings along with Edward's reaction. Edward made you happy you’d have to throw away your life to be with him. It wasn't the right thing for Gotham and perhaps maybe not even for yourself reputation wise. However, Edward and the impact he had on you couldn't be ignored. Especially now that your trust with Batman was broken. On top of that the rogues had seen your face so there was no hiding. Batman seemed to be a chapter of your life that had come to an end rather unexpectedly. You couldn’t be the vigilante you previously were and you couldn't trust that Batman wouldn't abandon you so quickly. Dead or alive. Harley listened intently before making her conclusion. "He isn't enough anymore. That happens. So ditch him. Don't waste time waiting for someone who isn't worth the effort." Harley said simply. There was a moment of silence as you recognised the hypocrisy in her words. After a moment, Harley spoke again quietly, meeting your eyes with her own. "You and I both know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who can't be counted on." Harley smiled almost sadly. You stared at her. Many assumed that Harley was either stupid or just that crazy to stay with the Joker. All assumptions maintained that Harley hadn't pieced together just how unhealthy her relationship was. That she was clueless to how badly the Joker treated her. Now that she was confronting it, you noticed that you had thought the same. "You know?" You said quietly. "I know." She said quietly, sadness in her eyes despite her smile. "Then...why?" You asked softly. "Because I love him...because he's all I have." It wasn't a particularly grand reason but you couldn't fault her. Many in the world would tolerate and do terrible things for those that they love. "The way I see it," Harley continued."you're options are to do what society things is the right thing and play hero where no one really cares about you. You're expected to run around after us and be B-man's little lapdog. Break Eddie's heart who really knows you and the rest of us who have stuck by you as a person, not the mask you wear. Or you can come with us, be with the one who loves you most and live for yourself. No expectations, not right or wrong." Harley interlocked her fingers with yours. "Come with us. It's obvious you're happier with us. I don't think I've seen Edward love anyone or anything the way that he loves you." Harley squeezed. "It's okay to love him. No one would do any different." You sighed quietly. "If I take that step forward with him, there is no turning back. I will be an accomplice to everything he does and I can't control him. I'll risk paying consequences for his actions." "Don't we all?" Harley tilted her head. "I know Ed, he'll keep you out of it. If he didn't, it means losing you and honey, that man has a death grip on you." Harley cracked a smile looking down at the city below with a hum of amusement. "I'd say that means you have more power over him than anyone. How many do you think Eddie just gives an option to leave- even if it breaks his heart?" For someone who was deemed insane, Harley spoke a lot of sense. Then again, it only reinforced that she stood by the decision she made with Joker even if she recognised for her safety- it was a bad one. Although Edward and the Joker were completely incomparable. Joker was arguably more reckless than Ed could ever be. “You make him happy.” Harley told you. “Eddie hasn’t had a lot of happiness in his life but you make him happy. Choose what would make you happy- no one else. No matter what you choose. You’ll do it loved.” Harley softly reassured you before brushing away a single tear ran down your face. She smiled slightly and you hummed. “Want to hear something weird?” You asked quietly. “Sure.” She smiled. “I think you’re my best friend.” You admitted. Harley grinned almost mischievously. “Better be, hun, because you’re my best friend too.”

One thing had become clear. Edward did care about you and whilst he wasn't happy about your indecision. He seemed to respect it enough to not force you into anything. As much as he'd like to, of that you knew. As did you, to some extent. It would be so much easier if he forced your decision. To hate him for taking away the choice yet Edward wasn't thinking about himself. He was thinking about you. He loved you enough to let you go if he had to. Even if it hurt him. Yet with everyday passing it had become more difficult to imagine a life without him in it. You knew your life would be different now no matter what but he had become something permanent to you. The person who reeled you back in as you spiraled with uncertainty. He helped you find your bearings and was never too far behind to catch you if you fell. You simply could not be without Edward Nygma.

So as you looked at his grin of amusement as he looked down the street ahead. You found the decision rather easy. You recalled how you were keeping him waiting, keeping him hanging on the possibility that you could have loved him in return and in that moment you knew you did. You were completely in love. He didn't notice how your steps began to slow as the realisation hit you heavily. It consumed you and you knew what you had to do. Although time was limited.

You grabbed Edward's wrist and tugged him into a secluded alley with a giggle. Edward practically spun on his heel, dragged forward with a look of surprise but amusement still evident upon his face. You felt your heart start to pound in your chest. Slightly breathless as you knew what you were going to do. Your fingers slipped into his hand as you tugged him closer to you, meeting him half way before kissing his lips. It was soft and short, just in case he wasn't comfortable. You had the inclination as he stiffened. He scrutinised you, his eyes shifting to your lips as though searching for deception. Yet there was none. A small smile graced his features as he returned an experimental kiss of his own. You chased his lips before he could lean back, continuing the kiss. Edward lost himself in the kiss, forgetting almost everything. He wrapped his arms around you and you did the same. The only thing that was important was the feeling of your lips on his and the sensation just made him crave more and more. Meanwhile, you hoped that Edward understood what the kiss meant. His answer that he had waited for. He kissed you like he was committing the feeling of your lips to memory. Every little movement, he clung to you. After all, he might never get this again. His heart swelled at the feeling of your kiss but sank at the very same time knowing this may just be something he could only recall in the future with vivid precision. You broke the kiss, your nose touching his. His eyes opened, lips parted as he was still clearly stunned. His eyes met your hopefully, pleading expression. You prayed that he knew, that he would figure it out.

Realisation dawned upon him as your grip on him tightened. A smile grew upon his face as he pressed himself into you, capturing your lips in another passionate kiss. You giggled against his lips, relieved that he had caught on. He was so happy that he couldn't help but smile into the kiss his hands pulling your face closer. You had never seen him so happy. He began to walk backwards, tugging you with him but refusing to break the kiss for even a moment. Even as you began to walk beside him. He twisted his full body to keep your lips on his, his hands still cupping your face until the two of you got to the opening of the alley. Finally you both broke the kiss. Edward sent you a grin before tugging your hand, taking you back down the street the way you came. "Wait, don't you have a meet-" You were cut off. "They'll never know we were here if we hurry. I can guarantee a better time with you." You let out another laugh as you and Edward took off down the street laughing, hand in hand.

Edward looked at the spot where your wound was on your chest, his expression grim. Your shirt blocking his line of sight but he knew where it was precisely. He remembered every little detail, like your eyes rolling to the back of your head when the blood loss finally hit you. How the bullet wound bled before and after the removal of the bullet. How you looked sickly, a loss of colour in your complexion for a few days after. Even now, with you laying beside him, eyes closed, complexion normal. He remembered you dying like it was yesterday and he wondered if it would be the only thing he would associate your eyes shut. He reached out, his thumb pushing aside your shirt. Your eyes snapped open, nose crinkling at the sensation. "What are you doing?" You grumbled, trying push his hand away. Edward didn't let you. Instead, he was only more determined, sending you a look and moving your hand away from his. His eyes trailed down to the wound again, pushing your shirt aside to reveal the tender scar. Lightly, he pressed a hand onto it. It didn't hurt at all but the skin was still sensitive. Or perhaps you were still coping with being shot in the first place. You caved, letting him touch the wound with a shaky exhale, slightly nervous for incoming pain. The pain never came. Edward's eyes softened. "I love and hate that scar." He said quietly. "Why?" You whispered. "I love it as it brought you to me but I hate it because in doing so, it nearly killed you." After a moment of silence, you responded. "You could only wish to be so lucky, Eddie." He cracked a smile at that and you smiled smugly. "Maybe it's not the same for you anymore." You continued. "I'm not a hero to seduce you anymore. I'm boring like everyone else now." "Shut up." Edward said before silencing you with a kiss. He cupped your face with his hand, locking you in place. "Although, I'll very much miss that outfit of yours." He hummed fondly. "I may just have to get you something similar. Even if it's a wicked tease for me." You felt Edward's nose run softly down your jaw and then his lips on your neck. However that comment had you thinking, what would happen between you and Edward now that it was known the feeling was mutual? "Ed?" You asked softly. "Yes, my dear?" He said in-between kisses. "Can I ask you something?" He hummed against your neck. "I doubt I won't know the answer or find it much of a challenge." Edward responded planting one last kiss to your neck and pulling away to look at you properly. "Are...are we together now?" You asked quietly. "Like are we a thing?" Edward rolled his eyes with a big sigh. "We aren't 'a thing'. We are two adults in a relationship. Of course we're together, you moron!" Somehow the insult came across almost fondly, loving even. Edward smiled kissing the side of your face before flopping back onto the bed. You felt his fingertips brush against your cheek as he watched you. "Could always keep the black but put green question marks all over the outfit?" Edward let out a chuckle. "Ah yes, another way to tease me." He said as he pulled you into him.

There was a vibration on the bedside. Your eyes widened. "Shit." "What?" Edward didn't seem bothered at all. "Harley is calling. Ed, we didn't go to the meeting yesterday!" "I know we didn't, it was my idea." He deadpanned. "She's probably asking why! What do I say?" Edward sighed. "Better answer and find out." You huffed before answering hesitantly. "Hello?" "(Y/N)! We were expectin' you 'n' Eddie yesterday! You didn't show up! What's the big idea!?" That's when you heard Harley wasn't alone. You could have sworn you heard an irate Penguin and Two-Face bickering. "I...I forgot." You said quickly. "That was yesterday? I thought it was on Thursday? Cobblepot told me Thursday." "Like hell I did!" You heard Oswald yell out. "I told you Tuesday because we usually meet on Tuesdays!" You slammed your hand onto Edward's mouth, feeling him inhale to speak. You shook your head despite only Edward being able to see it. "No, I could have sworn you told me Thursday. You said Thursday noon." "Thursday noon is the bloody booze delivery for the lounge!" You felt Edward's stomach shake under you from laughing. "What about Nygma? What's his excuse?" Two-Face could be heard. "Uhh, I don't know. He didn't tell me any differently so maybe he forgot?" There were sudden protests from both Harley and Jonathan in unison. "That's bullshit!" "The man who thinks he's intellectually superior in the world who just so happens to have OCD and a photographic memory is not going to forget." Jonathan spoke flatly. Your eyes shifted to Edward pleadingly who was about to remove your hand to loudly declare that he didn't have any mental illnesses. "Oh, here he is now. He just walked into the living room. Edward, did you know about the meeting yesterday?" You asked, eyes wide as you silently pleaded that he'd play along. He rolled his eyes. "Of course I did. I remember everything." He deadpanned and you frowned at him. "Then where were ya!?" Oswald asked. "Here. Just because I remembered doesn't mean I'm inclined to go." Edward plucked the phone from your hand and moved you to his side. "Edward-" Jonathan began. "Now I know you lot can't do anything without my superior intellect but I have other priorities. I found my work to be far more important." Edward cut in. "Which is what exactly since your work involves us?" Harvey asked. Edward tutted. "That is no business of yours, Dent." Edward's fingers trailed up your side, lightly scratching his nails downwards. Not enough to hurt but enough to make you squirm. You gave him a look of warning. "Don't fret, I remembered our meeting I just didn't want to go. So I didn't. Now I have much more important matters to attend to than have a conversation with you that's going in circles. Goodbye." Without a moment's hesitation, he hung up the phone. Not so much as waiting for a reply. He even went as far as to turn the phone off before smirking at you.

"Smooth." You said simply. "Here I thought you'd choose something much more creative." Edward chuckled. "I did not lie but I also didn't give the full truth. I decided we weren't going to that meeting because I didn't want to." Edward's smirked widened as he pulled you close to him by the upper arms. "I just didn't give the reason why." You playfully rolled your eyes. Edward stroked your cheek lovingly. "I am worthless to one but absolute bliss for two. I am a lovers privilege and a baby's right. What am I?" He asked softly. "You kinda lost me at the 'baby's right' but I think the answer is this...?" You trailed off, closing the gap between you both. Edward hummed in approval as he pulled you on top of him and squeezing you tightly. "Correct." He said against your lips. You broke away and smiled down at him. Then your smile faltered. "I was thinking of something and I'd like to get your opinion."

"You don't have to do this, you know." Edward reminded you for the fourth time. “Do what?” Two-Face gruffly asked. “Yes, I do. I made my choice.” You looked over your shoulder at him. The other rogues grew wary of what you could possibly have to say. Edward sighed before leaning back against the counter crossing his arms. “Well out with it, some of us don’t have all day.” Oswald snapped and Edward shot him a glare. “So it’s pretty safe to say that the whole hero career is out the window since you guys have seen my face.” You began. “Oddly enough I’ve grown to trust Edward as well as you guys but I think it’s time that I show it since you guys have put everything at risk by showing your lives around me-captive or not. It’s a risk and I think it’s about time I do the same.” Jonathan took his eyes away from you to take in the slight expression of worry Edward was trying to hide. You took a breath before meeting the rogues gazes. “My name is (Y/N).”

Harley let out a gasp. Two-Face and Penguin seemed taken aback but Jonathan narrowed his gaze, skeptical. “How would we know that’s the truth?” “Jonathan!” Edward scowled at Edward. “Not all of us worship the ground they walk on!” Jonathan replied coldly. “Wait, we’re just gonna put that information out there?” Harley said warily. “They know.” Edward said quietly as he stared Jonathan down. Harley smiled slightly. “They know? You told them?” You looked between Harley and Edward and the surprisingly soft moment the two were sharing. “I told them.” He said quietly. Harley smiled at him. “Atta-boy.” She responded. She turned her attention to you. She immediately moved towards you opening her arms and pulling you into a hug. “Finally! I can stop calling you Vigilante! It got old after the first two days.” She said and you giggled. “That is a lot of syllables.” You agreed before the two of you broke the hug. “For someone who gave away their identity to criminals, you don’t seem very frightened.” Jonathan received another scowl from Edward. "I am scared." You said breathlessly with a smile before quickly grabbing Jonathan's hand and pressing it to the pulse point on your neck. "See?" Jonathan's eyes lit up slightly, a small smile grew upon his face. Just to sweeten it more for him, you raised your free hand to reveal the tremble in your hands. “I’m not lying. I really did just tell you my name. I’ll even give you my social media if you guys want to check.” “Hey! Are you two really not gonna tell us how Edward’s confession went!?” Harley proclaimed loudly. “Do we need to know?” Oswald asked. Edward let out a huff of amusement before moving behind you and wrapping his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into him and rest his head on top of yours. “Don’t be jealous, Oswald.” He smirked at the Penguin.

Harley cried out in excitement, immediately slapping Jonathan’s arm who sent her a look of irritation. “I’m so happy for you two!” Harley practically pounced, winding her arms around the two of you in a hug as best as she could. Her grip on Edward’s arm tightened as he tried to wriggle free. “Harley, the hugging isn’t necessary.” He tugged trying not to hurt you or Harley. “Can it, Eddie! Do you know how difficult it was to keep my mouth shut on the roof!? Let me have this!” Harley said loudly. Edward grumbled but reluctantly patted Harley’s back.

The days went by as you waited for any sign of the Batman. That was until one of Penguin’s men came running in about how the Batman wanted you to meet him on the same rooftop at ten. This had the Riddler on edge as he insisted on taking a gun if the Batman were to try and do something. You insisted that the Riddler kept his distance and even made Jonathan go with you both so that he would keep Edward in check. It was more and more difficult to face the Batman each time but you were confident in your decision. Everything made sense. “This isn’t me turning to a life of crime.” You said with a smile. “I just...this whole time i thought i was stuck between two sides, that i’ve been stressed with being torn between you and...” You paused turning to Edward. “...him.” You turned back to the Batman. “I was wrong, i havent been torn. I’ve been sad because a chapter of my life came to an end before I knew it. I realised that i can never return to the vigilante life. Not because they’ve seen my face... but because they’ve wormed their way into my heart and I might not agree with what they do but i can’t go back and pretend I don’t know them day in and day out. That I didn’t slowly but surely love them and the craziness they brought to my day to day life. I can’t walk away and i don’t want to. So even if you don’t understand, I’m sorry and thank you for everything Batman. You don’t need to worry about me sharing secrets- I won’t. I’m officially off the game board.” You took a deep breath of the cold night air. “I’m done.”

Later that night you lay in Edward’s bed. It was quiet, a rarity despite the irony. That was because you didn’t hear Edward or what he was up to. Although the thought wasn’t around for long as the door opening disrupted the thought. You turned towards the door and Edward with a few buttons of the top of his shirt unbuttoned. He crawled onto the bed, laying beside you. “I still can’t believe it.” He said softly. “It’s been two hours and all I can think about is how you walked away from him. You chose me.” “Of course, I did.” You said quietly. “Edward, there is no life worth living without you in it.” You turned your head to him. “I think about the future and all I think about is you.” Edward took your hand and put it on his chest, just above his heart as his thumb stroked your wrist. His eyes locked with yours and for once, he was at peace and fully present with you. His work wasn’t on his mind, neither was the Bat. He was completely with you. After a moment of staring at you, he asked. “What is mine but only you can have?” “A heart?” The answer barely passed your lips. “No. My heart.” Edward smiled before leaning in to kiss your lips.

#batman #batman villains #reader #the riddler #edward nygma #oneshot #one shot

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clown-cult · 2 years

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Joker and Harley for the character thing. The Batman version

The Batman 2004 is the only valid version~

Joker first!

How I feel about this character: I absolutely adore The Batman’s version of Joker. He’s a king. The only version of the Joker we can say for certain 100% fucks. I’ve been obsessed with him since I first watched this show with it aired. It’s the version of Batman and his rogues I grew up with and I’m at the point where I stubbornly accept no other version. I love the character of the Joker in general, yes, but this version is far and above the best.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Batman of course. Batjokes was not only my first OTP but also the start of my sheltered ass realising gay folks were not only a thing but that I, in fact, might be one. This is also one of the few versions of Jarley I ship cuz it’s like…not toxic. I also ship J with the version of Riddler from this show and I like to think they’ve got history.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Does Joker and Harley count here too? Honestly this version would be just as good as friends as a couple. They’re both sassy and like yelling at children. Otherwise definitely Joker and Penguin. They have one of those friendships where they communicate by insulting each other.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I’m gonna be a bit shady here but I feel like despite it being extremely obvious, interpreting the 2004 Joker as black is still an unpopular opinion. It shouldn’t be, but it is 🙄

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: you see what I just wrote above this? Yeah, that. Erase whoever the fuck that skinny white ginger nerd was cuz he is NOT the Joker. Idk if you can whitewash a character that’s technically already snow white but damn this sure feels like it. I have an interpretation of my own that I write about and draw quite a bit here where I explore who he is and would have been before he became the Joker.

Harley next!

How I feel about this character: Harley Quinn is not a character I’m tremendously fond of as a rule but I do like The Batman’s version a lot. She’s sassy, street-smart and not really scared of shit because why would she be? You get the impression she’s had to scheme, demand and fight for what she’s got and she’s not going to take it lightly if that gets taken away from her.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I’ve said I ship Jarley if it’s this version and I still do. They’re fun together and I love that Harley gets the upper hand in the dynamic a lot and she’s got no issue giving command to Joker if need be. HarleyIvy is out of the question for this version but I also ship her with Catwoman. They have this sarcastic, bad bitch, do what has to get done and flee the consequences vibe. Also BatJokes plus Harlina is peak mlm/wlw solidarity.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Harley plus Marty the hacker that we meet in metal face of comedy. We get the impression he’s only there cuz he’s a friend of Harley’s. They probably game together. This version of Harley also acts as a tough love older sister character to Ivy as well and that’s fun to watch. They come up with plans and Harley kind of gently nudges Ivy in the right direction or holds her back when necessary.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I actually like that she’s not a psychiatrist who got lured into being a criminal by the Joker. She’s extremely up front about how vapid her psychology show is but she’s still very intelligent. The fact she’s not a real doctor doesn’t mean she’s not smart. She uses her show and her audience (that it’s implied she got through more scheming) to explore just how much she can put people through and the reactions she can get out of them, behaviour she even uses on Joker. She’s fiendishly intelligent but without the naive bubbly innocence other versions have. I understand a lot of people don’t like it but I love it.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I think Harley deserved to have more appearances than she did. She gets to go on her own little adventures in the comics and she’s incredibly fun to watch in action. She really just doesn’t give a single fuck what anyone thinks.

#joker #harley quinn #the batman #dc comics #batman 2004 #batman #batjokes #jarley

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ask-hunterxhunter · 3 years

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Helloo royal Guards as yandere please

But without the presence of Meruem because I find it difficult for them to fall in love with Reader while serving the King.

Mmmh, Neferpitou with a Reader male because my headcanon is that she is a infertile female uhhh I dont know how to explain it but I think that in the ant castes there are infertile females that are workers

Yeah, as far as I know, that's how it is with ants... I'm not an expert, but I think the female workers are infertile and care for the queen. Their development depends on how much food they receive when they're larvae. If there is abundance, some larvae will be "princess ants" (fertile and will leave the colony to start their own once the time is right).

Hmm... The Chimera Ants, however, seem to work quite different. Besides the whole "Ant Giving Birth to an Anthro Lion" and what not, they didn't end up starving once the queen died (which I read happens because there are no more larvae and the ants need them to properly feed) and many of them left to try starting colonies of their own (even some of the males seemed to want that, not just females like Zanzan)...

Perhaps this is more like some species of wasp? I've read that the queen produces a pheromone that keeps the others infertile. Once she dies, they battle for dominance in order to become the next queen. With the Chimera, however, they left for new territories rather than stay and fight...

...

Is there an entomologist in the house?

Neferpitou

The royal guards, regardless of Meruem’s presence, are not exactly easy to deal with even in their normal state (and I don’t think this is simply because they are not humans). Take them to Yandere level and, well, let’s just say it is not a pretty picture…

Pitou is not someone whose interest is easily aroused (she is the kind that “knows several people but regards only a few of them as her actual friends”) and, in a sense, the opposite is also true: It’s not easy to lose such interest, either. With her in Yandere-mode, well, it’s basically impossible. Once you’ve realized what is going, taking the usual measures to try dealing with it (such as moving, contacting the police, so on), don’t waste any time hoping she will “move on” or “change targets” as some stalkers do. It's not in her nature (both due to her personality and instincts).

Not that you would certainly realize what is going on right away. It would depend on her mood and how she decides to deal with her feelings (and she can’t change this decision): She may just go for the straight, extreme actions or keep a convincing facade of normality for a while… Regardless of whether this “normality” is you trying to kill each other or being friends (or she at least living in peace among humans)...

In the “enemies” case, Pitou would not spend days brooding about having fallen for an enemy and trying to get rid of those feelings. She would just shrug the situation off and start to debate whether it’s best to kidnap you right away or try to court you. If she’s working with other Ants for whatever reason or they just happen to be in the area, she would make sure everyone knows you are not to be hurt (and may God have mercy on whoever doesn’t listen). Her attacks would still be convincing from your point of view while being harmless playing in Pitou’s mind. After all, she lets you escape with no injures!

The “convincing facade” is more regarding how deep (and unsettling) her feelings are. In both scenarios, she would confess soon and, being what/how she is, likely act on it. No matter how much you explain you’re not interested or what arguments you use, Pitou would just wave her tail, perhaps ask what you mean exactly in that “innocently curious” tone of hers and… Completely ignore what you just said.

Well, okay, maybe you need to remember she isn’t completely human, so you can’t demand that she behaves like one, right?

Oh, boy, are you making a mistake… Not being human doesn’t mean that Pitou doesn’t understand that there are limits.

She understands.

She just couldn’t care less.

Remember when she probed Pokkles’ brain with him still alive? When Gon and Killua saw her for the first time? This is nothing next to how she can be when she’s obsessed with you.

I mentioned she would act on her feelings, right? Here’s another thing: She is also likely to do so in the manner of an animal trying to attract a particular mate. And because we’re talking Yandere-mode, I don’t mean the “bird dancing” or “penguin offering a pebble”. Not even the “cat giving you a dead prey”…

If you’re friends/she’s living in the human society, there would be some restraint at first, to the point her insistence would seem innocent… Then she would either grow impatient and kidnap you, or things would escalate, giving you hints to the darkness of her feelings until you’re forced to accept that this friend is a threat to you. Maybe after returning home, you find a note in your bed in which Pitou wrote that she loves how soft your bed is, how your home’s security is lacking… And, by the way, that person seems to have a crush on you… Hmm… Should she break their hands or their legs? The playful tone of the note only makes it darker.

Somehow you know she is not kidding.

If you’re enemies, well, she has no reason to restrain herself from the start. Her interactions with you would become far darker even if she miiight not kidnap you right away (for whatever reason) especially since she wouldn’t waste time playing by human rules. Pitou would find a way to make a claim (pinning you down, rubbing herself against you like a cat, and even leaving a love bite/hickey on your neck are very much on the table) or say it loud and clear in battle when there are other humans around. This isn’t just for the other humans, but for you as well: You’re hers, now. There is no room for discussion.

Also, in this scenario, it’s not impossible that Pitou’s “love” started with her deciding to make you her pet. Collar and all.

It should be said that Pitou is a cat in almost every sense, so the tendency to “play with her food” is very much present... Yes, she sees you as a “mate” rather than “prey”, but your attempts to avoid/hide from her consist of an opportunity that is far too good to miss! You change address and, after a few days, start to relax… Only for her to leave a new “present” at your door! It’s both funny and cute how you thought something so simple would keep her away! Awww, you’re so adorable!

Again, it’s true that some of her actions (such as this) have no malice whatsoever behind them, but I repeat, don’t let yourself be fooled: She is very much aware that what she is doing is creepy and wrong and why. I’m repeating this because Pitou can be as charming and cute as a cat… And as devious and sadistic as any human.

While some yanderes give you time (perhaps hoping you’ll eventually come around or because chasing you is so much fun), Pitou is among those who won’t take long before deciding to “take you home”.

Pitou loves having you all to herself and will be very affectionate, especially when it’s just the two of you. Maybe this sounds a little cute on principle? Yeah, trust me, it is not. It’s terrifying! Even when you reject her and she caresses your head saying you’re cute, you can see the insanity in her eyes, mixed with a sick infatuation.

It doesn’t help that, at times, her being “affectionate” involves brushing your hair, cuddling and even bathing together. Not only this invasion of space can already be uncomfortable, something about how Pitou does it makes you feel too much like a pet, especially when she talks about how much she loves you, how lovely you are, and how she is never going to let you go. In this situation, and the way she speaks, those words make you feel cold.

You should have realized by now that there is no reasoning with her and this isn’t because she is not human. Pitou is likely to twist your arguments or make points that would frankly make you think she learned from Illumi or Hisoka (and she only does that because she thinks it’s funny, anyway).

As for Pitou, well, she can’t say she is happy that you’re uncomfortable, but she believes it’s just temporary and you’ll get used to your new life… Hey, humans capture animals all the time to put them in zoos or circus. She isn’t that bad in comparison, now, is she?

She’s easily the kind of yandere that responds to pleas for freedom by caressing your head and saying you’re cute. How could she possibly let you go? You’d run away! Besides, she can keep you well-fed and protected. You say such silly things, love!

That’s not to say Pitou doesn’t have a limit to how much rejection she can take or her patience. And this is a line you don’t want to cross. It’s hard to say if Pitou would get to the point of physical punishment, but this doesn’t mean she wouldn’t make use of other means.

Menthuthyoupi.

It’s not easy to catch the attention of any of the Royal Trio, each for their own reasons. In Youpi’s case, it’s partially because he doesn’t have any human DNA on him, so despite being able to communicate and all, he doesn’t usually pay that much attention to people. It’s almost like he’s an alien (or we are, in his view). Even in a scenario when he is living in peace with humans, he doesn’t have exactly a clear opinion about them. They just exist. Maybe a few of them are okay enough, but that’s it… And in a scenario when he is still fighting them, well, they are the enemy. It’s pretty simple.

Youpi is direct, both in personality and as a Chimera Ant (in that he follows his instincts without hesitation). As such, like Pitou, he wouldn’t avoid his feelings once he comes to understand them. It’s a little strange, yes, but he accepts the fact that he loves you and that’s it. That said, Youpi would be initially confused (especially if you’re an enemy. How on Earth did he develop this sort of feeling for someone he’s supposed to kill?), and he wouldn’t make a move until he is sure of what he is feeling and what he wants.

Sadly, because this isn’t him in a healthy state of mind, this doesn’t mean anything good for you. This isn’t a shy monster-boy finding a human he considers special. This isn’t even “enemies falling in love” or “dark romance”. This is an “already dangerous individual” developing an equally dangerous obsession.

At first, Youpi starts to stalk you (if you’re his enemy/if you’ve never spoken before) or try to find excuses to spend more time with you (if you’re on friendly terms) in this attempt to understand exactly what is going on with himself. During this time, his feelings for you become stronger along with his desire to know everything about you. He’s curious. He’s fascinated. He wants to see you more often. He wants to talk with you… He just wants to be near you…

It’s pretty disturbing because, despite his size, Youpi will find the means to stalk you without anyone realizing it, just like an animal hunting. You may notice a shadow here and now, feel a chill up your spine, but it won’t be enough to make the danger clear enough. If you two are enemies, there are chances you’ll realize that there is something is wrong, as he either avoids fighting you (no issues with anyone else, though) or that he doesn’t seem to be actively trying to hurt you as much as before… Despite this, you’ll never, ever imagine he is in love with you.

Well, disturbing as it may be, it sounds almost as harmless as he can be in this scenario, right?

Not the case. You can’t forget how obsession grows, how it affects a person, and that it gets to the point when merely stalking isn’t enough. There is no such thing as a harmless yandere/stalker. So even if Youpi, at first, is satisfied with merely watching you from afar and making sure you aren’t hurt, it starts to not be enough. He sees you with your friends, smiling at them, hugging them, laughing… And he starts to imagine how it would be to have you doing these things with him, to be the one who makes you smile, to be the one holding you… And he realizes he wants it.

He loves you. He wants you.

And there is no reason to not act on those feelings.

Regardless of the circumstances between you, he seems to take the rejection well (if you manage to control the shock, act calmly and explain your reasons for it). At first, he thinks about your points and may even understand them… Only to find out that he doesn’t care. He can’t forget you. He can’t let go of you… And honestly, he doesn’t really want to. That you don’t feel the same now doesn’t matter. Don’t some couples start not feeling the same for each other, only for those feelings to change later?

In the case of “peaceful existence”, it might be easier to get a glimpse of his instability than with the Neferpitou, but it doesn’t make much of a difference. Even the precautions people normally take in those situations would only work for a certain time… The myth of the animal that “will pursue its prey to the ends of the Earth once it has its scent” is true when it comes down to Youpi (literally even).

Now, while Youpi is less likely to resort to kidnapping (at least right away), he would still find ways to inject himself into your life, so even then, you can’t say you’re free. He may not go straight to threatening your loved ones (and it’s hard to predict if he would follow with it), but there are many other tactics that he could and would use.

And being less likely to kidnap you doesn’t mean he wouldn’t if he didn’t decide it is the better course of action. After all, no matter how strong you prove yourself to be, it doesn’t mean you’re invincible. It doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt. If he keeps you, he can’t make sure you’re safe.

Either way, there is no way to be free of him.

If he kidnapped you, Youpi wouldn’t go so far as to place you in an actual cage or chain you up, but he would find means to make sure you can’t leave.

He is easily the most patient of the trio, including with your rejections and attempts to escape. It doesn’t please him and nothing can convince him to let you go, but at least Youpi doesn’t get angry, condescending, or twist things around. In fact, it gets to the point when you can lose control and try hitting him that he wouldn’t even raise his voice. He would just hold your wrists (carefully) and try to calm you down…

Now, just because he isn’t human, it doesn’t mean Youpi is unable to understand that what he is doing is wrong and why you’re so unhappy. Hey, animals also don’t like to be taken from the place they consider their home like that. He can relate, he can understand. But his obsession is too great for him to let you go and, instead, he hopes that you’ll adapt with time.

Not having human genes and understanding even less about humans than Pitou and Pouf, in his desire to make you comfortable (and make you accept him), Youpi would likely try to learn what he can about humans (probably even asking for Pitou’s help).

For Youpi, your presence alone makes him feel good. While he wouldn’t force you into things that make you uncomfortable or excessively invade your personal space the way Pitou might, there would still be times when Youpi would want to show you some affection. Chances are, he would enjoy holding you close (especially because, next to him, you feel so small and cute) and nuzzling you, which is not only a common expression of affection among animals, but it also gives him an extra opportunity to enjoy your scent.

Youpi might be less cruel than most of yanderes, but this doesn’t mean much. At the end of the day, whether he has kidnapped you or not, the situation is still essentially the same. You’re being hurt either way…

Shaiapouf.

Even in his normal state of mind, for all his apparent calmness and self-control, it’s been showed several times that Pouf can be actually quite intense with his emotions, to the point they cloud his thoughts (and that’s a polite way to say it). Well, multiply that by a thousand and you’ll only scratch the surface of how he becomes as a Yandere.

Even if, by some miracle, this is a scenario where Pouf lives peacefully with humans it doesn’t mean he likes them. It’s more that he “tolerates” and “accepts” their existence as an unpleasant fact and it’s very much unlikely he would have human friends (he would probably find a way to live with comfort and luxury while having as little contact as possible with them). In a sense, you can compare him to some yokais in Inuyasha… He doesn’t go out of his way to antagonize humans (and risk a fight), but he sure as hell doesn’t care for them.

Until you, that is.

Pouf will never be able to say when his feelings for you started to grow and it will take a long time for him to understand them. By the time this happens, well, he is way into “Obsession Land”. Once he can no longer deny what he feels and it hits him that he loves you, his first reaction is… Well, pretty much an emotional tantrum, followed by self-despise and intense fury. How could he ever fall for a human? Disgraceful! Terrible! How could he fall so low? He even tries to hate you for making him feel that way, only to realize he can’t.

This lasts for a while, with him trying to convince himself to bury those feelings, no matter what it takes. If you two are enemies, be prepared: Pouf may consider killing you as the only way to “get rid of this shame”. He soon realizes he can’t bear the idea of you being hurt, let alone by him (well, like this, I mean)… But at least you’re not having to deal with his obsession yet.

Sadly, it doesn’t mean this will last long enough for something to happen before things get out of control. Pouf can’t get you out of his mind, possibly deciding to “observe you” in order to “remind himself” that you’re just a human: Flawed, inferior, and unworthy. This evolves into stalking and has the opposite effect: He becomes more and more infatuated, as well as worried that you might get hurt. You’re so beautiful, so gentle… You should not be fighting! At all! Oh, you’re an angel. No wonder he fell for you! You’re perfect for him!

If this is the “peaceful scenario”, the course of events is still pretty similar, no matter how you’ve met. At first, wanting to get you out of his system, he may be cold whenever you meet and even a little nasty, but it won’t work. He will start to long for more of your presence and if he manages to spend time with you, to consider you only of the few (if not the only) human who is better than the rest of the masses.

Either way, once he accepts that he loves you, you’re screwed.

In the “enemy scenario”, Pouf may try once to convince you to come with him, speaking highly of you and how much he loves you… In his mind, it’s poetry. In reality? The words may be pretty, but the way he says them, the shine in his eyes, the way he insists to hold your hands between his… Well, it’s creepy. Pouf may accept you denying him for a while, but it won’t take long until he seizes the first chance he has to take you. He was just being polite, offering you the chance of doing so by choice (if he does that when you’re gravely injured in a battle, he will use that frequently to point out he saved you and how you need him to keep you safe).

In the “peaceful scenario”, again, it’s not that much a different course of events. Your attempts to make him understand you’re not interested are ignored and there is precious little that anyone can do to keep you safe and, yes, including the Hunter Organization. He would do everything to get you.

In his mind, he is not doing anything wrong. If anything, his actions are almost heroic and proof of his devotion to you.

When you wake up in an unknown location and start to freak out or try to escape, Pouf reacts as if this is just adorable, then going on about how he loves you and wants to keep you safe. And let me tell you, this isn’t a “flowery speech” or like his funny moments in the anime. At this moment you realize you’re in a lot of trouble and that the chances of Pouf ever letting you go are non-existent.

It's not easy to determine exactly how deep his delusion goes; if it’s only about the “perfect life” you two will share or if it includes you. It’s not impossible that Pouf isn’t really in love with you, but rather an idealized version of you. He may also believe that, deep down, you do love him and just need time to realize it.

Pouf is the “adoring” kind of Yandere. He would love to spoil you, care for you, and would want to lavish you with gifts. Perhaps you’d expect him to be the less dangerous of the trio, or at least the most manageable, right? You’re dead wrong. Pouf is actually the worst of them, maybe even on the list of the worst yanderes of all Hunter cast.

His personality also means Pouf doesn’t believe anyone is worthy of your attention and if there is anyone you like (or that he thinks you like), it’s just because they’re manipulative and toxic. It’s his sacred duty to keep you safe from such scum! Perhaps the better term for him, rather than “jealous”, would be “possessive”. As far as he is concerned, you have no need to get in contact with another human ever again.

You thought he hated Komugi? Trust me, that was nothing compared to this.

He would lock you in a room, which you’d only leave while accompanied by him (he can’t have you trying to run off, can he?). Actually… If that happens, you should be glad. This guy isn’t above placing bars along a corner of his chambers (they are certainly large enough), turning that area into your “room” (bed and all). It certainly would appeal to him, especially since it gives him more chance to watch you.

There are stories about how excessive love can be suffocating, the “The Chaser” episode from the “Twilight Zone”… Well, Pouf’s love wouldn’t follow this line. This would be just tiresome. His adoration is frightening, even for a Yandere. The way he’s so sweet to you is mixed with a certain darkness, not letting you forget you’re dealing with an unstable person.

He understands this is a time of adaptation for you and this change of life is a shock, but he wouldn’t be happy if you asked him to let you go every day. In the same sickly-sweet way of always, he will mix subtle (or not so subtle) threats with words of adoration. Maybe he should chain you up… Maybe you’re thinking about that person who (he believes) has a crush on you? Maybe he should make sure you never think of them again…

There is also the fact that Pouf is among the Yanderes who would have almost no respect for your personal space. For all his adoration of you, he can be quite manipulative and controlling: If he wants to hold you in his lap, brush your hair, have you sleeping next to him, dance with you, well… There is little point in fighting. You would have to choose your battles wisely and keep in mind that Pouf isn’t above tying you up if you “start to be difficult”. Some Yanderes are happy enough with having you with them and may have enough patience to “wait for you to love them back”… Well, with Pouf, it depends on his mood.

There would be times when his behavior is all “patient and loving” (more like he just smiles when you try to get away or lash out)… And times when he would basically “demand” that you love him. Not with words, though: You’d learn that there are times when it’s safer for you to act a little more loving towards him (within reason) rather than antagonize him.

#I'm sorry if this was too long #Got carried away #Now I'm wondering about how exactly the Chimera Ants work as a colony #Anyone has a theory?#hunterxhunter #hxh #headcanon #hxh headcanon #yandere #Royal Guards #chimera ants #shaiapouf #pouf #menthuthuyoupi #youpi #pitou #neferpitou #hxh yandere #Somehow I imagine Pouf would be like The Tragedy of Chateau Cepage

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mrsarnasdelicious · 3 years

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OMG YES! I can not tell you how happy this makes me! 😍

I am really intrigued with the world you created and hope you can tell us more about it! So here are some questions that popped into my mind while reading it. I just have to know, you know 😱

How did the guys tell their girls that they had to leave? Like did they leave a letter?! Did they left in the middle of the night?! I know they left because of Maxis half brother but how bad was the situation with him that they had to leave?! And how did it end with that guy?! 😳

And I have this really huge soft spot for maxi and Finn! 🥺😍 so maybe you can tell us more about the situation when Maxi returned? How did Finn handle it? Did he saw maxi first or was it his mom? I can not imagine how difficult it must have been for a kid to meet someone you only know from stories and pictures 🥺 And also Finn having a support dog, my heart can not take this! 😫

Sorry for the spam. I hope this is not to much. 🙈❤️

NJNJNJNJ MAXI MY BELOVED!!!! I am so weak for that guy!

As for the Q's. I got some A's.

Q: How did the guys tell their girls that they had to leave? A: For the most part they played open card. * Maxi plays open card with both Nerv and his wife. This gets him in hot water with both Klette and Jaromir. They firmly believe in pack loyalty and feel Maxi is a coward. This mindset Jaromir will later bring over to Finn. * O F C O U R S E Düsen has Markos' full confidence. She knows everything and she even tries to file a lawsuit against Big M with the help of Eduard the Penguin-Butler. Markos' parents, whom she lives with while he's away, know nothing and are quite judgy to her. * Raban and Joschka tell the twins what is going on, but leave out several details that are not theirs to tell. They are also the one's that loosely keep in touch with their wives. Though Joschka does cut contact with Juli to make sure the Kerle who are not coming along cannot be traced * Marlon does not have the smoothest communication with Horizon, bc they are both quite the einzelgangers. She only gets half a story before he leaves. He also travels seperate from the rest of the Kerle a lot. * Leon and Vanessa leave Leo and baby Elias with a cousin of Vanessa's with a completely bogus story, she has no idea.

Q: I know they left because of Maxis half brother but how bad was the situation with him that they had to leave?! A: I might have contemplated that at one point, but can't remember most of what I thought up. It is bad enough that few people can know about their whereabouts. The Wolves and Biesten are part of a 'protection squad' with Fabi and Erik being the only one's to be in the known and in regular contact with Leon and Maxi. Maxi's half brother keeps tabs on the Kerle and not on their families, so them leaving puts their families at safety.

Q: And how did it end with that guy?! A: Post DWK6 The new generation helps the old squad + Biesten + Wolven set up an elaborate trap and hand the guy over to the police.

I swear to Almachtigen Pink, this kid is so much like his old man. Same stubborn determination.

Tho, he became a goalkeeper bc he admires his uncle Jaromir so much. And lemme tell you. Jaromir is not a fan of Maxi.

Q: How did Finn handle it? A: Finn does not take Maxi wanting an easy back in well. The first weeks that Maxi is back home, Finn is a little ball of moodiness and Jaromir is eating it up! Erik and his mother are less pleased. And Maxi is of course does his best to placate his son. None of the other Kerle are having this hard a time coming back. Not even Leon and Vanessa. But Finn is nothing if not his father's son and Maxi never really vibed well with his dad either.

Q: Did he saw maxi first or was it his mom? A: Obviously Finn did, in the match again Die Galactischen Zieger. But then he saw Maxi's bike by the house when he got home and there was some hell to pay for Papa.

Also, Finn is a mommah's boy, he is so intensely protective of her. And of course he thinks that Maxi has hurt her when he left. He goes full wolf pup on Maxi's poor ass.

#Here is a little essay #I could also elaborate on how I HC Maxi and Markos as werewolves #but we'd be here a while

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philliamwrites · 3 years

Text

killing me softly with his song | (Childe / Reader) [chpt.02]

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairing: Childe / Reader

Tags: #fem!reader, #from childhood friends to lovers, #reader is a fatui agent, #slow burn, #unresolved sexual tension, #mature language, #forbidden love

Words: 3.5k

Summary: "Lybuov zla, polyubish i kozla,“ sighs your sister as she wipes off the table, but that makes you feel even more miserable. Falling for a goat might save you from an actual heartbreak by Tartaglia’s hands.

Notes: Part 1

Masterlist

Chapter 2

At the barracks’ canteen reigns the unspoken rule that no one is allowed to cook borsch, and trying to do so is punished by cleaning all windows with cold water only in the middle of the night. Can’t see anything because the nights at the outskirts of Zapolyarny are blacker than out in the taiga? Tough luck. There are so many different recipes as there are families out there, and everyone has their very own way to make it. Fatui agents have brought each other to the hospital wing over fighting which recipe is the best, therefore a couple of years before Tartaglia and you enrolled, this rule was established.

Sitting out in the cold of Jaroslawk at four in the morning, you’d kill for a hot bowl of your mamochka’s borsch—the best in Morepesok even though Tartaglia begs to differ, but the only problem with his claim is that he is fucking wrong.

Through your binoculars you see everything is quiet and dark on the other side of the compound, which is a good sign. Unfortunately, good also means very boring. You’ve been lying in the exact same position for nearly three hours now: on your belly, elbows slightly propping your upper body to see the Baron’s estate that’s embraced by a forest like a mother cradling its child. Tales have it if you make even one little mistake inside those cold brick walls, Baron Igor would personally see to it that you don’t leave these woods alive and whatever his hellish guard dogs don’t finish eating up, his servants would send to your family as a small parting gift and warning to get as far and fast away as possible.

If only he were as thorough covering his tracks as he is scaring people, but Baron Igor has never really excelled at multiple things and now, months after the first little bird brought some interesting insight, you can’t wait for Baron Igor to finally slip and confirm the rumours about him selling information on one of Il Dottore’s gun research labs to a spy from Sumeru. Intel has it exchanges usually occur once every full moon and with the orb now hidden behind thick, black clouds, this is the last chance to get some evidence before the ship leaving to Sumeru carries whoever deserves a knife in their windpipe back to their God of Wisdom.

Baron Igor has messed up, got too arrogant, and now you and your team are here to make sure he eats up his mess. It wasn’t easy to infiltrate his mansion. Mitsuki only passed because you took out two of the other contesters for one of the Baron’s favourite restaurants down in Nowobirsk. That man bows to greed and when introduced to the place’s new maître d’hôtel—the best of his kind, the most exotic to own during their flimsy ceasefire with Inazuma—Baron Igor acted swiftly and hired him. Mitsuki had gagged at those words while lieutenant Scaramouche had shown the patience of a man barely holding himself back from violence. Two days later, Mitsuki took his position as spy and head waiter of the Baron’s personal restaurant taking up the whole second floor in the right wing of his stone mansion.

“Fuck me, I look like a penguin,” Mitsuki had said on the night before his work began at the estate, glaring at himself in the mirror dressed in a sharply tailored tuxedo.

“Then we know who to call if Baron Igor decides to open a zoo,” Mikhail had said, but he was in no hurry to turn away his appreciative gaze from how tight Mitsuki’s black pants tugged his slim legs and ass.

That’s the team, Mitsuki, you and Mikhail—Lock, Shock and Barrel, one of your fellow division’s comrade likes to call you for unknown reasons, simply laughing to himself and shaking his head as if trying to get rid of a good memory. Though for all that Scaramouche is concerned, to him you’re triple double and a clusterfuck he doesn’t want anywhere near him or so help him Her Majesty the Tsaritsa, he’ll stake your heads and scatter your remains to the seagulls terrorising the coast of Port Odessa.

“He loves us,” Mikhail likes to joke, even though you aren’t sure the words love and Scaramouche should be used in one sentence.

“One day, he’ll kill one of us with his bear hands and feel nothing,” Mitsuki commonly remarks, sounding like whatever you’d do to receive such a punishment is probably ghastly enough to justify being murdered.

“His hat is pretty neat,” is usually your only contribution and they both look at you as if you’re crazy.

“Any movement?” a voice asks from your right. Mikhail shakes still fresh snow from his head and shoulders as he dugs under the narrow doorway, looking like a puppy trying to shake itself dry. Now that a year has passed since a Geo Vision user crushed his right arm and healers had to amputate it to save his life, he’s adapted pretty well to only one arm and hand at his disposal. He’s balancing a cup in his palm while holding two paper bags with his fingers and somehow makes it look easy. He rejoins you at the window, carefully placing the steaming cup and one bag in front of you. You hand him your binoculars so he can see for himself, and inspect your breakfast. “Do I even want to know where you found,” you peak inside the bag, “pirozhky at a time like this?”

“Couple of blocks down there’s this place. Really nice lady, gave me one for free and added a little extra to our coffee.”

You take a sip, and instantly begin coughing and pounding your chest as it goes down burning. “Archons, that’s disgusting. Who in their right mind puts Fire-Water in their coffee?”

“I know, right?” Mikhail beams. “It’s genius.”

It’s ghastly. You take another sip. Horrible, really. But it keeps you warm and awake. So maybe it isn’t that bad at all.

While Mikhail observes the area, you dig into your beef and onion pirozhky. There’s nothing fun about pulling an all-nighter but sometimes sharing a cup of coffee and eating warm food helps to get through them. Also knowing someone suffers with you. Sharing pain is gain, after all.

“Well, they sure like taking their sweet time,” Mikhail mumbles, getting a little more comfortable on the cold stone ground. He puts the binoculars away and digs into his own food. “What are we gonna do if nothing happens today?”

“Then we’ll come back next month and do it all over again.” Hopefully you don’t have to. Fyrva’snezh was two weeks ago but this winter started off particularly brutal. Two out of three units are still missing from their outskirts training and you don’t want to be in the poor lasses’ and lads’ shoes who are still at the infirmary recovering from severe hypothermia. “What worries me more is that Mitsuki might lose his sanity if he stays there another whole month.”

“Well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger,” Mikhail says, wiping his greasy fingers off his pants. “I just want to wipe that smug smirk off the Baron’s pig face.”

He and probably every citizen populating Jaroslawk. “Once Mitsuki locates the communication point, we’ll go in and neutralise the target if we can’t catch him alive,” you say. “Baron Igor will try and weasel his way out of it but so far all evidence stands against him. The rest is up to Her Majesty.” And the Tsaritsa is known for many things, but mercy isn’t one of them. That will show anyone else trying to make business behind her back.

“Do you really think Mitsuki will endure another month in that stupidly tight uniform?” Mikhail sounds like he very much wished for another month out in the cold like this if it meant Mitsuki would bless him for a while longer wearing his uniform.

You stretch your leg and kick him in his shin. “Don’t jinx this, Nozhyalensky,” you say. “No matter how good his ass looks in those pants, it isn’t worth freezing your own ass off out in this cold. If we have to extend our mission, I’m going to steal your coat and own it for the whole time.”

“You don’t care if I freeze to death?”

“I really don’t.”

He puts his hand on his heart in mock despair. “That’s harsh.”

It would be his own fault, no hard feelings. You sit in silence, sharing your scalding hot coffee. In the mansion on the other side, a light flickers on in the east wing. Mikhail shifts and makes a disgusted grunt. “I did not want to know the Baron is banging the Duchess of Pavlovich.”

“Might be good leverage in the future.” You quickly dot it down in your notebook, squinting at the barely illuminated page. “Especially if the Duke refuses to pay his taxes again. I’m sure we can get to him through her.”

More minutes pass in silence. Mikhail continues his watch while you start to mindlessly doodle a little Foul Legacy Child in the corner of your page. You wonder what time it is in Liyue. Is Childe also out on a mission or tugged in and sleeping well in a land that knows nothing of harsh winds and freezing nights. Does he spare a thought of home? Is he missing you as much as you miss him or has he already filled the gnawing void with faceless, warm women that comfort him at night?

“Heard anything from our comrades in Liyue?” Mikhail asks nonchalantly, but he’s always been the poorest liar of you three and it’s pretty obvious where this conversation is going. Part of you hungers for that conflict.

“They still can’t find whoever killed the Geo Archon. But Lord Childe might have located the Gnosis and has begun his infiltration.”

Chances are good he might succeed in another month or so, though from the letters you’ve received so far, it sounds like he might succeed fucking the consultant of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor before that. Tartaglia has never started anything serious with guys before, safe from occasionally drunk making outs, but new cultures could change a lot in you and it’s Tartaglia’s first time staying for so long in Liyue and meeting a man like this so called Zhongli.

Mikhail clicks his tongue in disgust. “I can’t believe this guy is over there for three months already and is still nowhere near finishing the job.” He spits at the ground and twists his mouth in a very familiar manner of annoyance—only usually this expression is meant for initiate Fatui members who can’t tell a shotgun from a sniper rifle.

“How can you still be mad at him for handing you your ass three years ago,” you say. A man’s ego is such a frail thing, thank the Tsaritsa for being a strong, independent woman.

“This isn’t about that stupid fight,” Mikhail splutters, red blotches creeping up his neck. His inability to lie is abysmal. “I don’t get how you stand that guy. His arrogance needs its own giant room to fit inside. Someone needs to knock him down a peg or two and maybe beat out this need to whore around as well—”

You move in a flash. Mikhail doesn’t have any time to react before he finds himself on his back, pinned down by your weight with a knife to his throat. “Mikhail, I love you like my own kin and you know I’d take a bullet for you any time,” you growl. “But speak another filthy word about Childe and I will cut off your tongue and feed it to street dogs while watching you bleed out like a slaughtered pig. Are we clear?”

You feel Mikhail’s chest rising and falling under your spread hand, his body warm, proof of his life. How easy it would be to take it from him, to warm the cold, dirty ground with his blood.

Mikhail’s dark eyes don’t give away anything. He’s holding very still, like a cornered animal faced with its hunter; don’t move and maybe it thinks one is dead. Eventually, he says quietly, “If you could see what an unlikeable, unpleasant person he really is, maybe...” He doesn't finish. There is no need to. You know very well what point he’s trying to make.

“I don’t need your supervision,” you say. “Or your pity.”

Mikhail barks a loud, humourless laugh. “Lassie, if I had an ounce of pity left for anyone else than myself, I wouldn’t be very good at this job, would I?”

You shift your weight. Mikhail groans as you put pressure on a wound a Pyro Vision user inflicted on him a week ago that hasn’t fully healed yet—a favour for Mikhail to prevent him from following his train of thought. You don’t know what is worse: His unrequited love for Mitsuki or Tartaglia and you knowing what you both want but can’t have.

Mikhail quietly says your name and gently lowers your hand. The sharp knife has bit into his skin just enough to leave a fine, red line on his throat. “All I’m saying is, I am not the bad guy here.”

He is right, of course. But that makes it even worse, because without a bad guy, who could you put blame on? Who would be the target of your frustration and your scorn? Who would pay for countless sleepless nights wasted alone or in a stranger’s arms?

If there is no good, no bad side, no villains or heroes to put blame on, what does that leave for you? Just the law. It is hard, but it is the law.

There is no one but yourself who carries the burden. Even knowing Tartaglia goes through the same doesn’t soothe the pain steadily growing in your heart. You’re like two stars gravitating to each other, seeking the sweet collision to finally become one and create something bigger, the most exquisite light in the endless black galaxy, but whenever you manage to come close to each other, other forces pull you apart.

You shift your position from towering above him to slumping back on Mikhail’s lap, your anger deflated like a balloon.

“Arguing with you is no fun,” you mumble, sheathing the knife back in its place inside your boot.

Mikhail arches one dark brow. “Learnt from the best. You don’t want to get into an argument with my mama.”

“Are you two leaving me out from a team bonding session?” comes a static voice from your left.

“Darling, we would never leave you out from a potential threesome,” Mikhail says back, a wicked grin flirting with his mouth.

“Blergh,” you groan in disgust and roll off him, grabbing for the plastic piece from where Mitsuki’s voice has sounded; Il Dottore’s newest invention, a voice transmitter agents use for long distance communication.

“So, how’s it cooking, good looking?” Mikhail asks, ignoring your eyes rolling back. “Anything new at the front?”

Mitsuki is silent for a moment. Somewhere, a dog barks. “I think someone might have tipped the Baron off.”

Immediately, you feel Mikhail's body tense next to you. “Do you need us to come in?”

Oppressive silence fills the room. Mikhail jerks, but before he can jump to rash actions, you grab his arm hard enough to bruise. He freezes, and you both stare at the voice transmitter in Mikhail’s hand.

A moment later, static crackles, and Mitsuki says, “I received a note on the caviar shipment. Roads are all clear, it should come in around seven in the morning.”

Mikhail relaxes, but a sweat bead rolls from his temple and disappears behind his black turtle neck sweater. He sags against you, exhaling very loudly.

A couple of years ago, after you three had been working together and hadn’t tried to kill each other as often as other teams, you guys had decided to come up with your own secret language for times like these. Mikhail had first complained about the hours put into learning it the most—the semantics always changing depending on what line of work you’d infiltrate—but eventually even he had agreed it was a pretty neat trick. What Mitsuki has said simply means all is in order and the mission is proceeding smoothly.

“Little fucker,” Mikhail grumbles, ruffling his own hair just to keep his hand busy. You agree. It feels like you’ve aged five years in those last five minutes.

That relief is short lived. A small explosion from the right wing inside the mansion lights up the night like a firework show. Mikhail is out of the window in a flash. You grab your rifle, keeping an eye on him as he crosses the street in a flash and climbs over the iron gate.

Two shadows tumble through the hole in the second floor. You sway your scope, laying eyes on Mitsuki as he wrestles with a cloaked figure. Purple sparks fly, clashing with crimson flames that rise skyward and turn into black smoke. At least something is according to plan even though your Cryo Vision would be more effective.

You watch them fight for a moment, unable to get a clear shot as both are short distance fighters. Mitsuki moves quicker than a flash, whirling two hatches over his head, parrying a deathly bow from the Sumeru’s Claymore. Mitsuki is smaller than most of his comrades. People like to underestimate him, but that’s part of the fun, according to him. Proving people wrong. He dodges another swift strike, rolling out of the way and giving you a clear sight at your target. But over his shoulder, Mitsuki catches your eyes and gives the tiniest shake of his head. Not yet.

You wish he could see the stingy eye you’re giving him right now. You’ve waited long enough out in this cold and your whole body shakes with the need to move, the need to fight. A quick look to Mikhail shows he’s fending off two of the Baron’s guards himself. Luckily, they can’t really hold their stand against a fully trained Fatui agent. He quickly takes out his opponents, closing in on Mitsuki and the Sumeru agent. Mitsuki has driven him to the edge of the forest. So that’s his plan. You wait until the spy is right beneath a long, thick branch, then pull the trigger. The shot is muffled by the silencer, slicing through the air with infused Cryo power. It hits its target, cutting the branch off. The Sumeru spy is too slow. When the branch buries him under its weight, Mikhail finally catches up to Mitsuki, and through your scope you can see him patting Mitsuki down for injuries. Mitsuki pushes him away, not hard or in a mean way, just enough to signal this isn’t the time. The job isn’t done yet.

Mitsuki advances the spy and kneels, looking for signs of life. He looks up, his dark eyes searching your scope. He holds your gaze, picking up his voice transmitter.

“I have good and bad news,” he says. “The spy is still alive, so we’ll get our answers. But now I’m pretty sure the Baron knows what’s going on.”

“Then don’t just stand there, someone go after him, quick!” you yell in your transmitter.

Before Mikhail dashes off, you hear him curse. “Lord Scaramouche is going to kill us.”

He will, considered this was supposed to undergo without the Baron noticing anything.

* * *

Dear little tygress,

forgive my horrible handwriting. I am still shaking from all the laughter your last letter gave me. Zhongli-xiansheng was actually worried for my wellbeing because I had choked on air and almost died. I swear, you will kill me one day, little tygress.

Speaking of little and potential lethal beasts, I’m surprised Scaramouche didn’t use your head as a toilet plunger. I really do think he's fond of you, little tygress. Any other team would be six feet under by now. You have to tell me your secret once I’m back. Scaramouche still doesn’t know I broke his favourite, ugly cup with the bear on the front from Fontaine, and I want to be prepared once he knows.

Everything is the same in Liyue, and at the same time, everything is changing. Rex Lapis’ murder is still unsolved, and I do enjoy watching the little traveller boy run around looking for answers. Once I return with the Geo Archon’s gnosis, dinner will be on me.

How are things at home? I hope Tonia hasn’t finished all mooncakes by herself again and saved some for the rest of the bunch. I can’t bear to hear Anthon cry again about me only sending sweets to Tonia and Teucer. Has the old man gotten in touch with you? He still doesn’t reply to me, but mama says he’s reading the letters. Maybe a bottle of Liyue’s Baijiu will loose his tongue, or hand for that matter. It’s almost as good as Fire-Water, promise.

Till next time and don’t get too much on little ‘Mouche’s nerves, otherwise there will be no room left for me.

Yours, Red Fox

__________________________________________________

please drop by my ko-fi if you enjoyed my writing!

#philliamwrites #ao3 #fanfiction #genshin impact #genshin impact childe #childe #tartaglia #genshin impact tartaglia #reader #reader insert #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin impact childe x reader #genshin impact tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x you #childe x you #genshin impact tartaglia x you #genshin impact childe x you

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aphrodite-would-be-proud · 4 years

Note

I just read the Erwin date scenarios and it’s so hood AGH could you please do one for armin? Plz 😚

You read my mind👀 ngl I think about Armin each time I write something for Erwin, despite them being alike i like to compare the differences and think they have different tastes and love languages.

Erwin strikes me a more act of services and gift giving guy while Armin would definitely go for words of affirmation and quality time.

Type of dates with Armin PT.1 {pt.2 in masterlist}

{ Armin x reader | tw: none | fluff, romance | modern }

{ "in bloom" by Abbott Fuller Graves 1859–1936 }

Ideal dates : these are dates he plans up ahead, makes sure they go smoothly and you're both are having fun. He really looks forward to these dates, they're like an event for him. He saves them up for important occasions like your anniversary, valentine's day, birthday, etc.

1. Spending a full day on the beach: when i say a full day I mean it, he's driving you there really early in the morning while you're struggling to stay awake in the passenger seat. He doesn't even need coffee he's running on 100% pure determination and will.

You'd arrive before anyone there, to get the best spot of course. It's close enough to the sea that you can feel the humidity of the water in the air, yet far enough from the rest of the beach that other people won't bother you.

He'd understand if you were too sleepy to help him set things up, he'd just kiss your forehead before letting you go back to sleep, promising he'll get you something to drink when the stores open.

You wake up to the smell of your favourite hot drink, just around 8am. The sun is up and the air is refreshing, you can hear the quiet chatter of people far away just arriving here. You sip your drink as Armin guides you to the small comfortable space he made, proudly showing off his work.

Please praise him and give him a kiss on the cheek, he will melt.

The rest of the day is spent with you two swimming lazily in the water, feeling the warm sunlight on your skin. Collecting whatever pretty seashell you see, using some to decorate the sandcastle Armin built with you. He takes a pictures of you at seemingly random moments, he promises to show you when he devolps them later.

You help him dry his hair afterwards, he take you to get ice cream. Despite getting you one too, he still ends up sharing his own with you, and if you're up for seconds he'd happily oblige.

When night falls and the people began leaving, the waves of the ocean get a little higher, wind turning colder. Don't worry, Armin thought about that, that's why he brought blankets.

He'd wrap you both in the same one, even holding you close to him, it's for warmth he says and yet he seems like he was looking forward for this. You help him in making a small bonfire, he brought marshmallows.

The rest of the night is spent with you laying against him while huddled in a blanket, looking at the heavens above and the constellation of the stars.

He takes your hand in his, guiding your finger to where polaris is. "It never changes" he says "no matter what" and from that star, he guides you through the formation of the little dipper.

Just right under it, directly under the polaris, begins the big dipper, a close replica to its little sister.

You spend hours like this, looking at the stars as new formations come and go with the time. You were early enough to catch Aries as it was leaving, pleiades, the seven sisters shining brightly next to it.

And just after midnight it was Sirius turn to say goodbye. That's when both of you decided to call it a night, he hugged you close to him, you could feel his heartbeat slowing down, he was oh so warm and tasted just like chocolate and marshmallows when you kissed goodnight.

2. Going on an adventure and trying new things: Armin has the need to try new things and gain new experiences, despite being someone who prefers small groups of friends and getting lost in a book than socialising. It's something that's been a part of him since he was a child, he wants to experience what the world has to offer and won't say no despite how utterly terrifying it can be to him.

And he wants to have those experiences with you, to share his love for the unknown with you, to see your reactions and share his own thoughts. The only thing that's better than going on adventures to him is going on adventures with you.

An adventure could be anything really, it could be going diving underwater or going to that creepy looking supermarket that never closes, you never know. An adventure is an adventure after all. The possibilities are endless.

So don't be surprised when he asks for you to go with him sky diving for his birthday despite knowing how terrfied he is of heights and how even a carnaval ride can make him sick.

Good or bad he doesn't care, he just wants to try and learn everything. He's full of curiosity and surprises that you'd never get bored, although a good thing about him is that he never is unprepared.

Yes he will take you on seemingly dangerous adventures but know that he really deeply thought about this before hand and is prepared for all the different scenarios that could happen, he likes the unknown but he's smart and cautious on how to approche it.

Not to mention that a single adventure can leave him satisfied for a long time before craving a new rush, probably once or twice a year. Just frequent enough to be something to look forward to but not too frequent that it becomes boring or too repetitive, he manages to keep that balance and walk on that thin line.

3. Hot air ballon ride: just imagine, it's early autumn, the weather is just right to wear those cozy yet good looking clothes, the earth seems like it's turning slower than usual as the trees change colours.

Around sunrise or sunset, both of you are high up in the air, the sun clearly in view with the golden clouds surrounding it. The world managing to look so small yet so vast at the same time.

Armin is wearing his favourite sweater and scarf combo, he's holding your hand in his pocket to keep it warm. It's just you and him isolated from the rest of the world like other people dont exist anymore, and strangely he's okay with that, at peace even.

He brings a camera and captures how the sun reflects in your eyes, how the chilly air makes you rub your hands together for warmth and how utterly breathtaking you look.

Beautiful, gorgeous even, these are the only thoughts in his mind at that moment.

And so Armin made a promise to himself that in the far future, when he wants to be even closer to you, to vow his life to yours, he'd propose on a hot air balloon.

But as much as he likes staying up in the air with you being his angel, the process of booking a ride is much more complicated and time consuming than he originally thought. Meaning he doesn't get to enjoy these rare heavenly moments as he wants to.

He needs to make reservations in advance, not to mention how important it is to choose a trustworthy company. Lastly how rides depend on the weather conditions, needing to reschedule if the weather takes a turn to the worse.

4. Visiting the aquarium or planetarium: he's just a boy with oceans for eyes and stars in his smile, can you really blame him for gravitating towards these places? Or for diving too deep in knowledge about the sky above and sea below?

Whenever the weather is too harsh for a beach trip or the sky is too cloudy for a stargazing night, these two places are his to go backups.

He's memorised the place like the back of his hand, no need for a map. Want to see the shark tanks and how they're doing? He'll take you there and introduce to them and the silly nicknames he gave them. Or how about saying hello to the dolphins who'll show off some moves just for your attention, or maybe you miss seeing the adorable penguins wobble around?

He knows endless facts about each fish kind, he makes it seem so fascinating and the way he phrases the information and coats them in milk and honey makes it impossible for you not to engage.

You both could have a slow with few words spoken walk and it still be as interesting, he'd even make special playlists to listen to while walking around and sharing his earphones.

Meanwhile at the planetarium, sometimes in the early mornings you'd run into kids just arriving for their school trip. Racing each other to the solar system panel and looking in amazement when the stars show begins. You and Armin have a nostalgic feeling when watching them, yet when you look at each other you remember how good it feels like to be grown and have someone special.

You never could get bored of seeing the stars, especially not with Armin.

5. Trying a new kind of art: one time you asked him what does he think the meaning of art is, what even is art?

"Art is communication" he said.

Armin has a deep love and appreciation for all kind of art, from classic oil canvas paintings to old greek sculptures. He doesn't pick a side, he likes both the modren and classic.

Music is art, writing is art and even making pottery is a form of art too. He wants to experience it, not for a need to acolmplish something or to rival Shakespeare, but for a need to communicate his emotions in a more subtle and personal way.

Like a secret language only he can decipher the meaning of, after all he was the one to create it.

Whenever he tries a new form of art, his usual fear of failure and absurdly high expectations actually go out the window. There isn't good and bad art, there's just different levels of communication and different styles.

So to him, the act of bringing you both some watercolours and cotton papers to paint on for a date is incredibly intimate, that's his true feelings and emotions he's showing you. But don't worry, he isn't here to take the whole thing seriously, he's actually playful and mellow most of the time.

Or maybe he'd like to make pottery with you, an excuse to put his hands around yours while sitting intimately close, maybe even give your shoulder a couple kisses while you shape the vase you agreed on making.

The next day, you find the finished vase near the window with a sunflower arrangements inside.

It also could be you two sitting next to each other, working together on a page of an adult colouring book or maybe to each one his own book. He'd hog the color blue most of the time so watch out, and don't lend him yours because he will hog it too.

Or maybe as a fun past time, you'd both attempt to make poetry, expect you're getting more and more drunk on the fruit flavoured beer he brought with him. You had fun laughing while reading what you came up with the next morning.

6. Going fruit picking in summer: it's his favourite way to celebrate the arrival of his favourite season, wear something light, pack some lemonade and go enjoy what mother nature has to offer.

You two would walk around in the fields, he's wearing a straw hat to block the sun, he thinks it looks better on you. Both of you looking at the fruits waiting to be picked, choosing the really unique shaped ones, the colourful ones and the especially delicious looking ones.

You might meet some small friends along the way, like a couple ladybugs that were crawling up Armin's arm. Two butterflies dancing in the air and even a frog that's taking a walk from its lake home nearby.

Going home that day with baskets full of different fruits waiting for your use, Armin and you discuss all the different ways you could use them for, like making delicious smoothies, or maybe saving them for baking a pie or cake. Maybe cutting them in small bites and covering them with different kinds of chocolate, maybe just making a fruits salad to enjoy while Armin reads you a book

Or maybe, maybe just washing them and eating them raw. Yeah that option sounds the most appealing after a day of walking through fields in the sun.

He'd feed you some, push them against your lips and smile when your eyes subtly light up at the sweet taste....maybe a kiss after so he could taste it too?

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tobitofunction · 3 years

Text

The final is way better than WandaVision one in my opinion as I was so many times close to crying.

Let’s start with Sam as he was mostly the reasons I was crying as that’s our Captain America. Of course he will never replace Steve but Sam is the best person who will fit in his footsteps. His entrance as in the suit was chef’s kiss. Him saving those people in the van and someone calling Captain America was the first time I tearing up, the second when he made that speech and Isaiah saw it.

Karli dying in his arms and he carrying her body back, he never wanted to fight her, he never wanted her to be killed.

Sam showing Isaiah his part of the Captain America museum was so emotional like Isaiah is finally recognised something he never thought will happen. He deserves it so much, his nephew is a little shit but relatable.

Sam using iPhone messenger to communicate with a hostage was smart, the same with Bucky and John using whatever it was called to trick the remaining Flag smashers and John quoting Lincoln was cute like idk why but it was for me

Bucky finally telling his friend about his son and giving him the peace he needed as he finally knows what happened. As knowing is always better than sitting in the dark as he can finally move on.

Does Bucky like the bar girl from the start or Sarah?... nah Sam is the one he has eyes for just look at Bucky during Sam’s speech he looked like a proud boyfriend.

When John appeared I was so annoyed but than he pushed aside his revenge to Karli and tried saving those people but got stopped by The Flag smashers. He’s probably being manipulated into becoming something HYDRA related as the colours of his suit kinda fit? If you know more let me know as I’m just guessing.

I didn’t know their was a post credit scene where he built his shield so I thought people where joking that he diy his shield but than I watched and I was like okay it wasn’t a joke than. Cool

The dude in the car after the flag smashers car went up into flames looked like Kingpin... my mind first when to Penguin but I had to remind my self he’s DC not Marvel lol.

Sharon honey what is going on.... like I’m not against you turning into a bad guy as I will simp maybe even more as that’s hot but... I just stop myself.

Talking about Sharon her being Power broker was something I didn’t see coming and know Karli as well like I was ?????.

Also their is definitely is a movie being set up or a second season as their are talks about a season 2. I’m all for it.

Also them changing to Captain America and the Winter Soldier made my heart melt even though Bucky likes being called White Wolf

Also Zemo is back 😊

#the falcon and the winter solider spoilers #falcon and winter solider spoilers #sam wilson #captain america #captain america and the white wolf #bucky barnes #winter soldier #white wolf #tfatws spoilers #tfatws #fatws

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myhockeyworld87 · 4 years

Text

Bubble Wrapped - Part 1

Word Count: 2,683

POV: Reader

Warnings: Language

Notes: Ok so here is basically our introduction to the Bubble Wrapped story. I have no timeline for this thing or even if it will continue, you guys let me know. As a background, this story will be about life inside Hotel X. In case you don’t know the teams inside Hotel X are the Bruins, Capitals, Flyers, Penguins and Lightning. So here we go, Happy Reading!

You'd been shocked when Hotel X had been picked as one of the hotels for the NHL to stay at when they resumed play in Toronto. Even more so when you were asked if you would take over the management of the place over the next several weeks. "Listen (Y/N) we know we are asking a lot. You'll have to live at the hotel with all the players as the NHL is really trying to keep everyone in this little bubble."

"I understand. I've already talked to Carly about putting different measures in place when the Maple Leafs came to us before submitting their proposal." Carly was another member of the hotel staff, that served as one of their concierges. She knew the ins and outs of the city and could get tickets or dinner reservations on the drop of a dime. That was all before COVID though. Now, some restaurants were still closed and shows hadn't resumed yet. What once was a bustling city, had come to a dead stop over the last several months, though things were starting to get back to normal; well the new normal that is.

"So we heard." You hoped the blush that crept up your cheeks couldn't be seen on the zoom call as that had become their new form of communication with you. "You've dealt with the players before, we know you can handle it. Though this time it'll be completely different with five or six teams staying there." Most of the players had always been super nice to the staff, though there were a few that could be demanding at times. You prayed they'd all push their egos aside, at least while in the hotel, though somehow you doubted that. "I think you're familiar with the NHL's protocol on their reopening, but we'll email you everything once we get it. Start putting together the staff that you want. Just some core people that you'll need."

"I've got the right people in mind, don't worry."

The call went for a bit longer going over specifics. The only benefit out of the whole thing was that they were giving you the Presidential Suite to stay in. Honestly, it was the least they could do; you thought. Of course, the called ending with them saying, "Don't let us down."

As soon as it ended you called Carly making sure she was on board. "I'm just saying Car that many hockey players in the hotel; the testosterone is going to be flying around."

"So what you're telling me is you've already packed an extra-large box of condoms."

"Carly!" You shouted at your friend. "That's not what I was saying at all."

"Come on (Y/N), I know you're one of Seguin's regulars when he's in Toronto."

"I'm one of them because I can keep my mouth shut." It was true that when Tyler was in town during the summer or on a road trip the two of you always hooked up. Sort of a no strings attached relationship, though you did talk from time to time. "Besides he's not even going to be in Toronto. He's in the Edmonton bubble."

"Oh, I didn't realize." Carly despite being from Canada was not a hockey lover, though she did appreciate the men who played the sport. "Well, maybe you should call him and get the scoop. You know find out who we need to be aware of."

It wasn't a bad idea, not that you were going to ask him who to sleep with, but maybe it would help get a handle on who was going to be problematic, as there was no way you wanted to let the owners of the hotel down. You had a lot riding on this and after all, you couldn't put bitter rivals in one hotel and not expect some drama. "You're right. I am going to call him."

"Ooo good, let me know what he says and if we should get more than one box of those condoms."

You shook your head at your friend before hanging up and dialing Tyler's number. "Hey beautiful, long time no talk," Tyler said and you could almost hear the smile in his voice.

"Hey Ty, how's quarantine life going?"

"Ugh, don't get me started. I was not meant to be locked in my house without hockey for this long." Tyler wasn't meant to stay put anywhere too long, including relationships.

"Well, hockey's almost back so there's that."

"Yeah, I'm pumped about it, though I wish I was staying in Toronto instead. I know some fun that we could get up to since I have to stay in the bubble." He paused and you could clearly tell he was running different sex scenarios in his head. "I'm assuming your working at the hotel."

"Yeah, it's kind of why I called. I'm one of the ones trapped in the bubble with you guys."

Tyler groaned. "So, you called to ask me who you should hook up with? Cause babe, I'm not sure I'm willing to share you like that."

"Shut up Ty, you know we're not like that. You couldn't stay faithful to one woman if you tried." Part of the reason the two of you got along so good, was the fact that you called him out on his bullshit.

"I might if I could drag you with me everywhere." You giggled at the insinuation of being taken everywhere just so you could keep him satisfied. "You're definitely gifted with many talents (Y/N)."

"You're not so bad yourself, but we're getting away from why I called."

"You mean you didn't call to have phone sex with me," and you could hear his pout.

"No, I didn't call for that. I was just curious if you had any idea who was going to give me problems while we're in this so-called bubble. I'm trying to be preemptive here."

"Ok, but if I give you some information you at least have to promise to send me a pic of your tits." You mentally rolled your eyes at him; the boy was a horndog.

"Fine, now spill some tea."

"Spill some tea, what is this a gossip blog or something."

"You're avoiding the question Ty, and I'm putting on a sweatshirt." He groaned.

"Alright, don't get your panties in a bunch…or maybe do." It never ended with him. "I don't know a lot about some of the younger guys that are newer in the league, but my guess is they're all horny little bastards. Hell, I was when I first got in the league."

"You still are."

"Touché." He answered before continuing on. "So, like I probably don't have to mention the rivalries to you, but like Caps and Pens hate each other, the Flyers and Pens hate each other. Doesn't everyone just hate the Pens?"

"I think you either love them or hate them."

"That's true," he agreed with your statement. "The Flyers and the Caps hate each other as well and don't get me started with who hates the Bruins. Wow, who really put them all in your hotel?"

"I'd like to know that as well." It seemed like whoever did, had a warped sense of humor and you were now going to be stuck handling the mess that they'd made. "So, basically what you're saying is that it'll be an all-out brawl at times that I'll have to clean up after."

"Sorry babe, but I think it could be. On the bright side, we're supposed to stay on our own floors."

"Like that's going to happen." Maybe you should designate elevators or something because you could just see Alex Ovechkin and Claude Giroux getting in one at the same time and by the time, they got to your lobby they'd both be bloody and beaten. "Anything else I should know?"

"You seriously want me to go there?"

"I mean...if you want to." You certainly weren't going to ask but if he offered the information you'd tuck it away for later that's for sure.

He sighed heavily, "You know I hate this, but like Tom Wilson gets around that's for sure and I've heard that Travis Konecny does as well. If I'm being honest there's maybe been a girl or two that's compared us."

"Really?"

"That doesn't mean you have to be one of them, though if you are…you better tell them I'm better."

"Don't worry Ty, I'll sing your praises. I promise." Obviously, you wouldn't be doing that but it didn't hurt to stroke his ego a bit. "Anyone, to avoid?"

"Marchy!"

"Dude, he was like one of your best friends. Why would you say that?"

"Because I know him. Stay away he's trouble." The fact that you could almost see the look on his face as he was telling you was comical.

"Fine."

"Oh and stay away from Carter Hart." The name sounded familiar.

"The goalie from Philly? Why?"

"Because you'll corrupt him." You burst out laughing and Ty joined you. "He's too innocent for you."

"Dually noted, as I do not want to be known as the corruptor of innocents." You searched your mind thinking of anything else you could ask since you had him on the phone. "What about Crosby?"

"Sid?" and he just couldn't stop laughing; you could even hear him try to catch his breath.

"Why is that so funny? The man is hot Tyler, whether you want to admit it or not."

He got serious as he asked, "Who's hotter him or me?"

Thank god you weren't on FaceTime, so you could answer him without your features giving you away. "You are Ty, of course."

"I thought so, but like the guy is hockey twenty-four seven. There's no way he's going to be thinking about getting laid."

"That's disappointing."

"He's about the only one that I'd give you permission to fuck, only because I know it would be impossible for you to accomplish, even given all your talents." You could hear the mischievous tone in his voice.

"Hmmm, are you willing to bet on that?"

"What? Like bet, you'll fuck Crosby in the bubble?"

"Yeah." Did it really sound like such an unattainable accomplishment?

"What's the wager?"

"Winner flies out when this whole COVID shit is done and is the other's sex slave for twenty-four hours."

"Oh, you are on, baby. I can already see you handcuffed to my bed in some skimpy lingerie." He cackled at the thought and it fueled your resolve to win this bet.

"Don't be so sure about that."

"And how am I to know that you actually slept with him?"

Well, this would be tricky. "Well, it's not like I'm videoing it."

"No, but that gives me ideas for when I win." Maybe you should be rethinking this gamble.

"What do you want his underwear?"

"Nah, you could get that in the laundry. But I'm sure you could sneak a pic of him sleeping." God that sounded creepy but if it meant you had Ty as your slave for a day, it'd be worth it and you'd never show it to anyone else but him and even then you weren't going to send it to him, though he didn't need to know that now.

"Ok, it's a bet then."

"Too bad we can't kiss on it."

"Oh, you'll be doing more than kissing when I win, Seguin." Mentally you started packing sexy outfits to take into the bubble with you while thinking of all the things you'd have Tyler do the next time you saw him. "On that note, I better get my ass to work and make this hotel ready for these guys."

"Fine, I'll let you go as long as you promise to FaceTime me at some point during this bubble thing."

"I'm sure I'll have a night open for you at some point." You teased.

"Woman, you better."

"No worries Ty, you're still my main man; when you're in town."

"That's right baby, good luck."

"Thanks for all the info, Ty. We'll catch up soon and good luck in the playoffs."

You were just about to hang up when you heard him yell. "Don't forget my titty picture."

All you could do was shake your head and click end call, though you being a woman of your word, you snapped a quick pic and sent it off to him; to which he responded with a drool face emoji.

The next couple of weeks were a literal whirlwind as you moved into the hotel's presidential suite and got things ready. Beds were moved out so that some rooms that had two queens now had one king in them. The hotel was disinfected from top to bottom. If felt like you were wearing a hazmat suit all the time during this process. A week before the players arrived the NHL staff did, making sure everything was in order and making sure you had things set up for daily COVID testing. Of course, you had everything well in hand and organized per their instructions, though with a few tweaks that made the process more efficient. Overall, they seemed impressed with everything that you had done.

All that preparation lead up to the big day, July 26th, when the teams moved in. The league had them spread out so that no two teams were checking in at that same time. Tampa Bay was the first in as they traveled the furthest. "You look nervous. Why are you nervous?" Carly's voice came up from behind you as you saw the bus pulling in through the gates.

"There's a lot riding on this Car, and if anything goes wrong; you know it's going to be my head that rolls."

"You're going to do great; this whole thing is going to be smooth like a bubble." She started to giggle. "See what I did there…bubble." You rolled your eyes at your friend but did let out a little snort of laughter at her pun. "Well, here they come."

You straightened your jacket and smoothed down your skirt, before throwing your mask up to go meet your first arrivals. "Gentlemen, welcome to Hotel X." You tried to speak a little louder than normal hoping the mask didn't muffle your words. "We're excited to have you all here. I'm (Y/N) manager here during your stay, anything you need, feel free to call me any time of day." More of the guys filtered in while you spoke to Coach Cooper and a few of the players.

"Anytime huh?" you heard someone mumble in the background and a couple of the guys snickered. It was hard not to roll your eyes as you knew they were focusing on them with your face partially covered. Someone else said, "She can manage me anytime." That was until someone cleared their throat, effectively silencing them.

"Now if you'll follow me, let's get you all checked in." Tables lined with a welcome packet and lanyard with their ID on it, were off to the side and you were able to shuffle them through with pretty good speed, then sent them off to their rooms before they had to head to testing. Your information was inside every packet, in case you were needed at any point during their stay. It seemed like you no sooner got them in and the area disinfected then the next team, the Capitals, were pulling in, and so the day went on until all five teams were safely ensconced in the hotel. Thankfully you made it through that process without any problems, even though the Bruins flight was late and the Flyers were pulling in right as you got the last players through.

It wasn't until dinner, that you encountered your first dilemma, getting a text message from Alexis, who was coordinating the meals. It was a simple message, Get to conference room 3. NOW! As fast as your heels could take you, you headed down to where the Capitals were supposed to be having dinner if you remembered the schedule correctly. You never expected to see what you did though when you entered.

#bubble wrapped series #Pittsburgh Penguins fanfiction #Pittsburgh Penguins imagines #Pittsburgh Penguins imagine #Washington Capitals imagine #Boston Bruins imagine #Boston Bruins imagines #Washington Capitals imagines #Philadephia Flyers imagine #Philadephia Flyers imagines #Tampa Bay Lightning imagine #Tampa Bay Lightning imagines

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justasimplesinner · 4 years

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may i get HCs of btna oswald and harvey with a s/o who has depression?

TNBA!Penguin with a depressed s/o hcs:

okay, at first, he won't really know how to handle it all. quite honestly, he won't even think it's "That Bad", so he'll just... spoil you more. which is exactly the wrong direction to take. you'll have to tell him that it's not what you need to make you feel better, and it's even making you feel worse because of how much he's spending on you

truthfully, you'll really have to lead him by the hand through it. you'll have to explain to him how you feel, make him understand that yes, it is serious Oz, it's not just a temporary mood swing, and it might be a little tiring for you. but once you do that, things get better, i promise

he tries to learn more, wanting to know exactly what's going on with you. he'll get you the best therapist and psychiatrist he can, because he really wants you to get better. it'll take him some time to accept the fact that depression might come back every now and then, even if it's technically "cured"

he'll do anything to make you comfortable. whatever it is that calms you, he's got it, your comfort food is always ready to be served, and he turned his penguins into kind of therapy animals so they can keep you company whenever he can. he's a really busy man, and of course, if the need comes, he will throw away everything just to come and help you, but he can't sit by your side 24/7 and he doesn't want you to be alone

there are days when you can't even find the strength to get out of bed, and of course, he doesn't blame you, doesn't force you to do anything, he will let you relax and try to make you as comfortable as you can be, but that doesn't mean he'll let you waste away. all the time, he tries to motivate you somehow, to show you that he's there for you, help you overcome your problems so you can enjoy life, go out with him and your friends or even just take a shower. he understands you're going through a lot, but he is not going to let you stop taking care of yourself and waste away in your bed all the time. he really wants you to make progress, and sometimes it turns into him pushing you to do shit, but he's got good intentions. you just have to tell him to stop and he will

TNBA!Two-Face with a depressed s/o hcs:

Harvey knows what you're going through. he gets it. he really does. he will be very mindful and caring. Two-Face on the other hand... he's more rough. way more rough. too rough sometimes. but just so you know, he does care. he actually does care. and despite denying it, he doesn't want to push you away so just... tell him. you have to be very communicative

Harvey does everything for you to be comfortable. he doesn't want to push you, he doesn't want to force you to do anything. you don't have the strength to get out of bed today? okay, just a quick trip to the bathroom to freshen up and you can lay there all day. he can lay there with you, no problem. he can order you take out. he can watch a movie. he'd love to watch a football game, too. he can cuddle you if you'd like

Two-Face however is not as forgiving. he will fucking drag you out of bed, make sure you're presentable enough to walk around and have you doing small things. maybe some chores, whatever the fuck. he acts like he doesn't care and does force you to get up and stop wasting away, but he won't make you do anything overbearing that could worsen your state more. just things to keep you productive so you don't feel guilty over not doing anything besides laying in bed

both of them make sure you get treatment though. Harvey will sign you up to his personal therapist, since he knows that the dude is legit and will actually try to help you, unlike fucking doctors at Arkham, and Two-Face will do everything to get you any meds or whatever the fuck it is you need. he will threaten, he will raid, he will kill, he will steal - but you will get what you fucking need

they both try to help you in their different ways, but they also both accept you as you are (yes, even Two-Face). sometimes, it's hard - living with them, bearing with their shit. they know that. and on top of that, you have to deal with depression, too - they know it could get tiring, so they try to make up for everything and make sure you feel loved and supported. they'd hate if they were the thing that drove you away, they... really don't want to fucking lose you

#penguin #the penguin #oswald cobblepot #oswald chesterfield cobblepot #harvey dent #two face #two-face #my writing #headcannons #angst #fluff #kinda hurt/comfort #anonymous #tw depression

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everlarkbirthdaygifts · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday, jbsaucy!

Happy belated Birthday, @jbsaucy! We hope you had a wonderful day back on the 16th, and that you celebrated in style! To bring your party back around, the lovely @mega-aulover has written a story just for you!

For this year, I am recently divorced and trying to get the nerve up to get out there. So I would like to request a 30/40s Everlark, post divorced meeting

Jbsaucy

Dear Jbsaucy I hope you had a wonderful birthday. I apologize for the lateness, and I hope you had a wonderful day. This prompt BTW was amazing and I had a great time writing it. It was a blast. Thank you to Norbertsmom for Betaing

Rated T

Title: OFF THE MARKET

-kpkpkpkp-

Divorce sucks. SUCKS.

Getting divorced sucks, being divorced sucked.

But nothing, not the tedious nature of dividing unwanted movies, the fear of root canals, or getting a speeding ticket, compared to dating. Dating, ladies and gentlemen, after being married for ten years sucked royally.

ROYALLY!

After my divorce, my attorney suggested I get a hobby or join a club. I really wasn’t a social person. Not much of a talker, and avoided any and all spotlights. It was this fear of the spotlight that originally brought me in contact to my now ex-husband, Darius.

My best friend Gale pushed me to do one of those karaoke nights. I panicked and ran straight into Darius. He thought I was cute, and I was grateful he went up with me to the karaoke microphone. He sang and I laughed. The rest is history; the marriage only lasted ten years. But I knew we weren’t right for one another, partially because Darius was a very sexual person, for me sex wasn’t important. I got more enjoyment out of getting my teeth cleaned. He found someone who revved his engine and I got the fica and dates.

Yup Dates.

How did that happen you ask?

Well, I’ll tell you I followed my divorce attorney’s suggestion. Preface-OUTSIDE OF A COURTROOM NEVER EVER FOLLOW YOUR DIVORCE ATTORNEY’S ADVICE.

With that warning sign, I digress. Taking a deep breath, I pinch the bridge of my nose. Wait for it... I joined a book club.

It was the only natural course of action. After our divorce I got all of the books. You see one of the things Darius and I loved to do was go to bookstores. We’d buy all of these books with the intention of reading them, and we never did. We had bookshelves filled with books from the 100 Must-Read Classic Books by Penguin. So after my divorce, I sat in my newly minted apartment with a box of wine and all of these books.

I was looking at the boxes, my divorce papers jutting out. Amongst them there was a note - with the name of a book club, the real 451 book club, with an address. I called them the Squad 451 or the Squad. The women were a hodgepodge of personalities; the right blend of sweet and crazy. There is Mags, the motherly type. She has boatloads of grandchildren. Then there is her neighbor Greasy Sae who runs a diner in town. I used to go to her diner as a kid and consume her mystery meat soups. The older woman is bawdy and half of the things she says makes me blush redder than a red bean. Next is Annie, a shy, slightly mad girl who is a librarian. Delly has the personality of the southern bell who wears pink and believes in romance. I’ve known of Delly forever; she and I went to the same high school.

Foxface, has one of those names with multiple consonants and vowels but prefers to go by Foxy or Foxface. She is freakishly smart and sometimes, I think she has blackmarket dealings because she’s so secretive. Then there is Effie, the middle aged, tightly wound woman whose book choices are as repressed as she is, like Jane Eyre. And last, but not least, is my divorce lawyer, yes the very same one who suggested I get a hobby, Johanna Mason who is, well, a sex fiend.

I started meeting up with them, and six months after my divorce, that’s when the ladies conspired against me and set up my profile on one of those dating websites looking for men, for me. I had no idea, and on my birthday, they presented me with their “gift.”

It was the gift you didn’t want, like a pimple on your wedding day or the runs before an important interview, or bad breath before a first kiss.

Greasy said that if I didn’t use my, well, feminine - looks around - petals. That they’ll dry up and turn into ugly petunias. I announced sex wasn’t important, and even friged Effie said a lady needed to literally, figuratively, and metaphorically, occassionally let her hair down.

I said NO.

I demanded.

I scowled.

Nothing helped.

They created a profile based upon themselves, and yet through describing themselves they pegged me. I was nurturing. I had a sexy edge. I was introverted, and yet mysterious. I was smart, honest, loyal and a closet romantic. But if you tell anyone that, I’ll hunt you down, even after I’m dead.

They split me up like a kid of divorced parents being schlepped from one house to the other. They set themselves up in teams and each team got to pick my dates. And everytime we met for a book club meeting, I was to dutifully report on the date. Based upon their success, a second date would be permitted.

It was a simple proposition.

I was naive. A stupid idiot, or as Bugs Bunny say’s, a maroon.

Because I hadn’t really ever been out there.

To be honest, I met Darius right out of high school, at my first college party, and we were married - okay it wasn’t a big wedding. It really wasn’t a wedding at all. It was a spur of the moment, we got drunk and ended up at one of those Elvis chapel impersonators. Annnnd bada-bing.

I never really dated, so I agreed with the book club’s plan, because how hard could dating be?

And thus began my nightmare.

I must state, or emphatically note, not all of my “dates,” were catastrophically bad. To be fair, most of the time I wasn’t interested. Delly said I wasn’t romantically pulled. Johnna said my engine wasn’t revved up. Greasy said if the man didn’t make me want to orgasam with a look, then he wasn’t worth my time. I posed this question to the universe: How in blazing blue inferno does a man make a woman...well you know, with a look? Was that even possible?

A hazy yellow fuzz enters my head and my mind wanders. I conjure up blue eyes and translucent lashes that never tangle.

Sigh.

…. (my brain just short circuited at the thought of large hands)

Earth to Katniss.

Okay sorry, I spaced out for a little bit, and their words spurred me on to continue my journey. And one year after my divorcce I had stories, no I have battle scars. To prove my point, the following are my top three worst dates. In no particular order.

Date Disaster # 1 was with an artsy type at a chique Italian restaurant. He arrived late, and was drunk, high, or both. Then fell asleep on his plate of bolognese. Yup, in his plate of spaghetti and meat sauce. I paid for my half, tucked my tail between my legs and left.

Date Disaster #2 was with a small man with glasses and a massive intellect who didn’t stop talking about flamingos. FLAMING PINK FLAMINGOS. My brain shut down. I didn’t hear the music in the jazz themed restaurant. I didn’t even taste the heat in the gumbo. The only factoid I remembered when we said goodnight was that flamingos were gray when they were born. I couldn’t even tell you how they became pink. The man was the human form of anesthesia for my soul.

Date Disaster #3 was a nice man. We laughed. And everything was going well. We ordered drinks, a cranberry and soda for me, the bartender special for him while we waited for our table. Turns out he has a milk allergy and the bartender special had milk. When we sat down at the table and we were talking about our hobbies, his stomach began to grumble loudly. He became pasty and then as the waiter brought out our appetizers, he threw up all over the place. It was a good thing that throwing up didn't bother me, but it bothered our waiter who gagged. Needless to say, I burned the outfit I was wearing.

Those were the top three...but there were more, just simmering to become the top one. And for a time I thought I wasn’t made to date. But the ladies had faith and they were really trying to choose nice, interesting guys. However, nothing, nothing that I could ever imagine could top my latest date.

I’m rushing along the sidewalk. I don’t want to be late, but at the same time, I don’t want to tell them how much of a calamity my latest date was, but to be completely honest, I don’t want to miss it. Tonight is also the night the group meets at Mellark’s. The friendly cafe style bakery with its rich and yummy pastries, both savory and sweet. It is my favorite place to meet. Squad 451 meets twice a month in different locations, including one of the two meeting rooms in the library, one of the community rooms in the Justice Building, and on our birthdays, we meet in a restaurant, but the bakery on Main Street is our favorite location. The Mellarks owned several locations. The flagship store was always managed by one of the original family members.

If George Senior, or the middle son Ryan Mellark is at the helm of the bakery, they allow us to cavort in the shop until close. When his older brother George Junior or their Mother Muriel was in charge, we tended to be quiet, relegating our conversations to the books. When Peeta is in charge, there are free cheese buns and chaos.

Please, stomach gods, let Peeta be there. I skipped lunch today because I had a deadline. I also forgot my wallet at home. Thankfully, my license was at the bottom of my backpack. I need food before my stomach eats itself. I am starving when I walk into the bakery. When I see Peeta, I stop. His blue eyes meet mine and my stomach flip flops. He gives me a slow sweet smile, before his eyes slide back to the customer who is ordering.

“Katniss,” Delly squeaks, waving frantically.

Somehow, my feet carry me over to the table and there is a plate of cheese buns and I thank every celestial being in the universe. His buns are heavenly. Sitting down, I take a napkin and snatch one. My mouth waters and my lashes close as I bring the cheese bun to my mouth. The smell of melted cheese, fresh bread, and the hint of dill, assuage my nose, before I bite into one of Peeta’s coveted flaky concoctions. The combination of the oozing cheese, the herbs and the buttery bread elicit a moan from deep within my being. These freaking cheese buns will be the death of me.

“Wow.” Peeta’s voice causes my lashes to fly open.

Peeta is standing near me with a cup of tea; his face and neck splotchy and red.

My mouth is full of delicious food, but I forgot how to chew.

Delly is looking between us. Her pale blue eyes quizzical, like when she’s trying to understand a concept or theme in a book.

“Okay, bitches,” Johanna says, slamming her brief down. “Where’s the rest of the motley crew?”

“Mags and Greasy just arrived,” Delly answers absentmindedly.

“Hey, Peeta, I need a strong black coffee.”

“Sure,” Peeta says, all the while staring at me. I finally remember to chew. “Here Katniss, your tea.”

Taking the paper cup, I can’t help feeling bashful. “Thank you.”

“Peet,” the girl behind the counter calls.

Whenever Peeta is here, the business is brisk. He is charming. He was always charming, even back in high school he was the most popular guy, not only because of his looks, but because he was genuinely nice. I, like all of the other girls, had a mini crush on him.

Looking over his shoulder he says, “I’ll be right back with your coffee, Jo.”

Now Jo is looking between him and me, but hers is a wicked grin, like right before she nails a sleazebag who doesn’t want to pay for his children. I quirk an eyebrow, clueless as to what has Johanna showing off her predatory gleam.

“Oh, it’s chilly outside,” Mags says.

“It’s colder than Rudolph’s balls outside,” Greasy says, her gruff voice is booming. Several patrons look at her. Greasy does not care. She’s well past her sixties and it’s her motto that she should live each day as if it was her last.

In walks Effie, Annie, and Foxface, and they all say, “Hello,” in unison.

The book of the month is actually a YA fiction called, The Fault in Our Stars, about teens with a terminal illness. I cried when Gus...I tear up once more...at the memory. But I know we aren’t going to discuss Hazel’s predicament with her parents.

“So,” Delly says, bouncing in her chair.

I can’t help but grimace.

“How did it go?” Foxface says. She has an accent, but I can’t place it.

“He looked like he belonged on one of those erotic books Johanna loves to read,” Greasy says, grabbing a cheese bun.

She’s not wrong. Gloss was a blond adonis, with slate blue eyes. And abs that have a flipping twelve pack, I ought to know, I counted them. The words are out of my mouth before I am aware of what I am saying. “He really does with a twelve pack,” I say drinking my tea.

“Did you say twelve pack?” Johanna sat up.

My eyes widen.

“Wait, why are you blushing Katniss?” Foxface narrows her eyes.

“Did you and he…” Annie trails off. Her doe eyes are wide.

“Did you have your first sleepover?” Effie leaned in.

“Or did you dry hump him like a horny-toad dog?” Greasy’s voice bounces in the bakery.

Peeta’s pauses , wiping down the counter and looks directly at me.

“NO!” My voice sounds half strangled.

Jo and Delly exchange a look. “Peeta,” Delly calls him over.

Oh, no, no, no, I say to myself, eyeing how quickly I can get from the back corner to the exit. It is one thing to tell the squad, it is another to have Peeta know. I think I can sprint around the chairs and clear the table near the door like an olympic hurdle jumper.

Peet walks over. “Hey Dells, can I get you ladies anything?”

“Katniss was going to regale us with her latest date,” Delly says.

“She’s going to tell us how she knows her date has Thor’s body.”

“You’re dating?” Peeta asks, looking at me intently.

He doesn’t know I am dating or rather, being raked through hot coals.

“Oh,” Foxface chortles. “She’s dating.”

“Remember the guy who was texting with his mother during the entire date,” Effie said.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Mags saids grinning.

“Only the part when he had Katniss talk to her, and it turned out she was psychoanalyzing her to make sure she wasn’t an ax murderer,” Annie said laughing.

“Or what about the guy who kept on mentioning his ex and cried through the crème brûlée,” Greasy slaps her knee, laughing.

I can’t help but laugh.

“Man, those are pretty bad,” Peeta says.

I hold up my finger. “No, those are tame.”

“Tame?” His blue eyes are sparkling. “You mean there are worse dates?”

Delly snorts. “Oh there are worse. I am so glad I am out of the dating pool.”

“Yeah, Gale just loves you,” Annie sighs.

Delly and Gale met when I joined the book club. And while I floundered, they fell in love and now Delly was pregnant.

My eyes shift to Annie. “It’s so much easier when you fall in love.”

“Oh?” I say.

“I met someone,” Annie says softly. “He wants to meet all of us.”

I wonder what type of guy would date quiet, shy, introverted Annie who sometimes says things that remind me of that song from those Freddy movies from the 80’s. I shake my head. Then I narrow my eyes. “Bring him to the next session,” I hear myself say. I want to meet this man, and make sure he will take care of my friend.

“Really.” Annie clasps her hands.

I nod, but I notice Peeta is looking at me with this strange gleam in his eyes. “Ah...yeah.” My voice sounds breathy. I frown, wondering why the heck I sound like one of those girls. You know the ones that always appear in the music videos washing cars and dancing on super yachts. Darius was fascinated by those girls, heck, his new girlfriend looks like one of those girls.

The women are chatting with Annie about the new guy in her life.

“We'll discuss Annie’s beau later,” Mags holds her hand in the air. “I want to hear about Katniss’ date.” Her white hair spills over her shoulder as she fixes me with a look. “So tell us, how do you know Thor has a twelve pack?”

Somehow or another I knew the scrutiny on Annie would be short lived. My time to shine would come, but when I open my mouth to speak I can see a conspiratorial glance between Mags and Annie. And it hits me that they chose this man, because he looked like Thor. I scowl at the women who set me up on this one. Mags and Annie both have a pink tinge to their faces. I would have expected this from Jo or Greasy, but Mags and Annie, well it’s INCONCEIVABLE!

I begin to speak. “He asked me to meet him at the edge of town, near route twelve.”

“Isn't that where Ripper’s place is?” Effie questioned, and she couldn’t hide her revulsion.

“Yup,” I said, popping the ‘P’, thinking of the bar that disguised itself as an eatery. It was a seedy diner with cracked linoleum floors, yellowing formica, booths that had patches, blinking lights, and rickety chairs.

“That’s where he asked you to meet him?” Mag’s sounds outraged. “That place is…is-”

“- a bedhaven for unsavory characters,” Foxface finishes.

“You're brainless,” Jo mutters darkly. "Ripper's isn't the type of place you can go to Katniss. You should have called me."

As protective as I am about my friends, so is Jo. She's tough on the outside but has a really soft center. It's what makes her a perfect shark in the courtroom. Not that Darius was a jerk during our divorce. He actually wasn't. Johanna was present at the restaurant where he announced he wanted a divorce. Johanna later said it was my face, the vulnerability I tried to hide was why she took my divorce pro-bono.

“I drove and brought my bottle of mace.” I know what everyone was thinking. The area in town where Ripper’s is located at, made the bad side of town look like a tourist destination. I didn't mind meeting my date there. I was looking forward to a basket of fries. Ripper's had amazing beer-battered fries.

I've been to Ripper's once. I was with Gale and Thom who needed to score fake IDs. I ordered the fries, since I wasn't there for an ill gotten identification. But let me tell you, those fries. Oh! Holy mother of fries, no other fries can compare.

Shivers!

I love food; it's why I'm a food critic now. What's so funny is that it was those fries that began my career as Buttercup, the elusive food critic. Back then I was Buttercup, the fussy eater. I blogged about them, no, I lavished them with love. I love my job. I can go into any restaurant, order anything on the menu, blog about it and get paid handsomely. And, most importantly, I can do it anonymously. Not even Darius knew I was Buttercup. He thought I was a boring housewife. Getting back to the fries, I wasn’t deterred from getting my fries.

“So then what happened?” Annie asked.

“He was there waiting for me. He stood up and smiled. And he's massive-"

"Just like a book cover," Foxface mutters.

"He said his name wasn't Anthony, it’s Gloss.”

“Gloss?” Everyone said at the same time.

“Yup.” I sighed. “It was a sign. I should've left." Damn those fries!

“So Gloss…" Peeta's sparkling eyes are on mine, his are an amazing hue of blue, like the indigo milk cap mushrooms. "Looks like Thor." He frowns. "Thor with the long hair or short?"

"Long." The women around me answered as one.

Peeta turned those gorgeous eyes back to me.

Thor isn’t my cup of tea. I shrugged to show my indifference. "Gloss was sporting the Ragnarok look, short hair with facial hair."

I swear I watch Peeta mouth, "short hair."

"Anyway, we sat at a booth. It was packed, actually." That should've been clue number two. Men at a joint like Ripper's at 8:30 on a Friday night, it was by the highway, plausible. But packed with just as many women. "The waitress who took our drink order could barely hear me."

"Was he nice?" Annie asks.

"He was sweet." Truthfully Gloss was a sweet guy. He talked about his mother in a positive way, even if she gave him the name that was another descriptor for shiny objects. "He was attentive too. He told me his mother worked in the makeup industry. "

"That doesn't sound too awful," Delly says.

"He sounds delightful." Mags pushes her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose. The gang is getting tired of the story and I hope they will move on to the reason we are gathered, discussing the book we were reading. I begin to reach into my backpack because I really hate purses.

"If he's so delightful, why did he ask you to meet him at Ripper's?" Johanna says in her cross examination voice.

I wince as I take out my book.

"Yes, you must explain." Foxface demands.

"It's not nice to leave us dangling." Effie levels a look at me that has me squirming, feeling like I was being summoned into the principal's office.

"I wanna know how you know Gloss has a twelve pack," Greasy says.

Peeta looks at me expectantly.

Anndddd were back. I sigh. Will he run for the hills when I tell him? Most likely.

"We were talking about dancing.” My voice loses all it’s warmth. “I don't dance."

This causes a rumble of laughter and giggles amongst the women. Peeta looks confused. Finally Delly wipes the tears from her face and gasps, “You should never dance. Ever!”

"That poor man’s toes,” Mags says, her shoulders shaking.

“Do I need to know?” Peeta looks between them.

“I don’t dance!” I growl. The group erupts into another bout of laughter.

“It was a scheme, a dirty underhanded scheme,” Effie says.

The guy I was supposed to date was a dance instructor. He used the dating app as a way to drum up business. When the women meet him, he pairs them with guys who were there for a lesson. He paired me with a poor man named Harry. My nerves got the better of me, because I don’t like to be touched. Harry’s hands were sweaty. Harry tried to dip me as per my date’s instructions. I tripped, and in the process his toes were crushed, and I ended up with a sprained ankle.

When I arrived in crutches to the next book club, well, that was one of those dates that simmers at the surface vying to be in the top three.

“Gloss didn’t believe me. He said anyone can dance. I told him no, and explained that there are people who are predisposed to fly in airplanes, and some who get motion sickness in a car. “

“What happened next?” Foxface asks, moving to the edge of her chair.

“He went to the jukebox.”

“Oh no,” Johanna mutters. “Did he end up in the hospital?”

“Is that how you know he’s got a twelve pack?” Greasy questions. The ladies, and Peeta are all staring at me.

I shake my head. Why couldn’t there be a rush of customers right now? It is calm and I know the odds are against me.

“Spill it!” Johanna demands.

“Well, he queued up a song and waited a beat, and then Lenny’s Kravits’ American Woman started blaring. Gloss started sauntering and spun and did the splits on the floor. Next thing I know, the women in the place go nuts. They surround him, like a rabid pack of wild dogs.”

“Wait, what!” Delly exclaims her pale eyes bright, she grips the book in her hand.

“That doesn’t happen,” Peeta says.

“It does to her,” Foxface said, her eyes shining with ferocity, like the eyes of those women at Rippers.

“Shut it blondie,” Johanna orders.

“Yeah,” Annie says.

Taking a deep breath I continue. “He started dancing...hips…” my brain flashing to his hips gyrating. “...jutting out and…”

“Ohhhhh yeah,” Greasy cackles.

“Gyrating, his hips gyrating,” Foxface gasps.

With eyes closed I nod. “His hips were doing that all over the place. He then jumped on the table and proceeded to rip off his shirt. He shouted my name and told me his next move was his favorite. He spun onto his knees and slid up in my face before dropping his drawers.” I lower my eyes.

“What,” Delly squeaked. “His pants?”

“It’s like Magic Mike,” Mags whispers.

I know the movie Mag’s is referring to. I’ve never seen it. “Yes.”

“Was he naked-” Foxface began.

“-or was he wearing-” Annie cut Foxface off only to be cut off herself.

“A G-String!” Greasy shouted excited.

I shook my head no. He wasn’t wearing anything, I can feel the heat burning my ears.

“Well don’t stop! What happened next!” Even Effie has lost her sense of propriety.

“As I looked for an escape. It’s then I noticed the poster on the wall, for the Slag Heap.” I pause and sigh, “Men’s Magic Friday Night Extravaganza, and Gloss was the headliner. I realized he’s a stripper.”

And the place erupts in laughter.

“What did you do?” Peeta asks.

My eyes connect with his.

“I slunk down to the floor and crawled my way out...drove to the hospital and made my sister administer a tetanus shot.”

“Can I have his number?” Johanna says laughing but her eyes are dead serious.

Peeta is smiling at me and I grab a cheese bun because they are as delicious as the man staring at me.

Eventually we do get to the book, and it’s a pretty good discussion. Peeta let us stay until closing. Mags and Greasy are the last of the ladies to leave. It’s just me and Peeta since he let the staff go home. I’m loitering because I feel like I need to explain to Peeta why I let the ladies talk me into dating.

I’m putting up the chairs on the tables when Peeta comes out.

“You’re still here?”

“Yeah.” I look down at my feet.

“Katniss.”

“Peeta.” We both say at the same time, followed by a nervous chuckle.

“You first,” Peeta insists, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Dating wasn’t my idea.”

“It wasn't?” He raised an eyebrow.

I shake my head.

“So what happened?”

“The ladies, they got me a year long subscription for my birthday, and knowing I wouldn’t go through with it, they choose who I date...until I find someone,” I can feel the heat rising from my neck and reaching my cheeks, “I like.”

“Really?”

I nod, incapable of speaking. I cannot stop watching the way he blinks, those darned translucent lashes that never tangle.

“Dating is pretty brutal.”

“Yeah,” I snort because dating is horrible.

“My family is constantly setting me up. I went out with a girl who sang through the entire meal. She chose the pasta and sang On Top of Spaghetti.”

“What?” I laugh.

“That was my dad’s doing. My mom’s choice was a lot scarier. She made me do an obstacle course and made me do it three times until I beat the time she wanted me to reach.”

“Wow.”

“I was dressed in dress slacks, a nice shirt, and a tie.” He deadpans, “I even had on dress shoes.”

“I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he shrugs.

I couldn't help but smile.

“Dating sucks until you find someone who makes you laugh, someone who makes dancing easy.”

He approaches or maybe it’s my own feet that carry me to him. But it doesn’t matter because when his arm slides along my waist, and the other cradles my hand, I have no fears. There is something familiar with him as I dance with him. A slow shuffle, that has the room spinning but none of it matters because I feel at home.

“Will you dance with me Katniss?” His voice rumbles in my ear and my heart is pounding in my chest.

His scent is a warm heady mixture of spices, dill, vanilla, and cinnamon.

“Would you go out with me Katniss?”

“Yes,” I answer, and just like that my dating profile goes up in flames. Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially off the market.

#everlark #everlark fanfiction #everlarkbirthdaydrabbles #everlarkbirthdaygifts #fan fic #by mega-aulover

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