#That being said she is a character I love to hate

[wbbfannnnnn13]

Motion Sick // Chapter 2

Themes: homoerotic friendship turmoil... (again iykyk)

A/N: Had a free day so spent it cooking up this next chapter! Felt inspired by all the love you guys gave for chapter 1. Not sure what this says about me, but I love writing character spirals so this chapter is basically just more of that! Enjoy!

WC: 4.9K

Warnings: cussing, angst

**** Chapter 2 ****

It’s been a week since the student center.

Seven days. Five practices. Three recovery lifts. Two film sessions.

Over the summer, it was easier to pretend. They were only on campus for a few weeks of summer session—light workouts, half-empty dorms, no one really paying attention. They could get away with small talk and long stretches of silence. Could convince themselves that the space between them was just timing. Just logistics. Just a break.

But now?

Now they’re back in it. Full team schedule. Practice every day. Group meals. Shared everything. Paige is everywhere again—on the sidelines, in the locker room, just close enough to make Azzi feel the distance even more.

This morning, it’s film.

Everyone’s packed into the team meeting room—sweats, messy buns, Gatorade bottles scattered across the floor. The room smells like sweat, menthol, and the kind of focus that doesn’t fade just because practice ended. Coach is already five minutes into a breakdown of last week’s scrimmage footage, laser pointer in hand, voice rising and falling like he’s narrating a crime scene.

Azzi’s in the third row with the other sophomores, directly behind the juniors, which means Paige is in front of her. Two seats to the right, to be exact. 

Her hoodie’s oversized, sleeves pulled over her hands, notebook balanced on her thigh. Her knee is propped on her backpack like it’s casual, but Azzi knows it’s not. She’s seen the way Paige grits her teeth when she shifts too fast. The way she barely lets the trainers touch it.

And even though she hasn’t said a word to her since that morning—hasn’t texted, hasn’t liked anything, hasn’t even made eye contact—Azzi can’t stop watching her.

Because something’s different.

Not just physically.

There’s a weight to her lately, like she’s constantly holding something in. Like if she let go for even a second, the whole thing would collapse.

And maybe Azzi’s imagining it, but… Paige doesn’t usually carry herself like this. She used to sit forward in these meetings, pen tapping against her knee, whispering dumb side commentary that made Azzi snort-laugh through her water bottle.

Now, she’s quiet. Still. Watching the screen like she’s somewhere else entirely.

And Azzi?

Azzi is fully distracted.

Coach pauses the film on a defensive breakdown from last season—one of their worst games. “This,” he says, circling the screen, “is what happens when you forget how to communicate.”

Azzi hears it. Loud and clear.

She bites the inside of her cheek and looks back at the screen, but her eyes flicker down to Paige again.

She’s not even looking. Just staring at the page in her lap like she forgot how to be here.

And Azzi hates how much it bothers her.

Because Paige isn’t being Paige. She isn’t some party girl. That’s never been her vibe. Sure, they’ve all had nights—team wins, off-season birthdays, someone’s cousin visiting from out of town—but still. Paige has always been the one to know when to call it. To rally the freshmen. To lead by example. To drink water in between rounds because she knows her body matters more than a buzz.

But last Friday? Paige looked wrecked. And not just tired-wrecked. Unraveled.

Azzi shifts in her seat again. Guilt crawling under her skin like something contagious.

Because she knows what she saw in Paige’s eyes that morning wasn’t just hangover haze. It was something heavier.

And she knows—deep down, even if she hasn’t said it out loud—that she’s a big part of why.

It’s not like she hasn’t tried.

To fix it. Mend it. Reset the dial and get back to just being best friends.

But the problem is—that’s not what they are anymore. Haven’t been for a long time.

Azzi sits in her seat, eyes on the film screen but mind drifting, the light flickering over Paige’s straight hair just one row down. A highlight reel from last season is playing. Everyone else is focused.

Azzi’s not.

Her thoughts circle a moment from almost a year ago. Just a few days after that night outside Ted’s.

*Three Days After Ted’s*

She knocked before she could change her mind.

Three quick taps, then silence. Her heart already hammering against her ribs.

It had been three days since Ted’s. Three days since Paige had looked at her like she’d torn something open and then watched her walk away.

Azzi had thought about texting—typed out at least four different versions of “can we talk?”—but nothing felt right. Nothing ever did when it came to Paige.

So here she was.

Standing outside Paige’s dorm room like a coward trying to be brave.

The door creaked open slowly.

Paige stood there in a hoodie Azzi had seen a hundred times—wrinkled, sleeves pushed to her elbows, hair pin-straight and tucked behind her ears like she hadn’t had the energy to care. Her eyes were unreadable. Guarded. Like she didn’t know whether to slam the door or let it all in.

Still, she stepped back.

Didn’t say anything. Just… made space.

Azzi walked in slowly, careful not to brush too close. The room felt dim and heavy—like it was still holding the echo of that night. There was music playing low from her laptop, some slow-burning acoustic song that was doing way too much. Paige didn’t bother turning it off.

They sat on the edge of the bed in silence, the way people do when they’ve already said the most important thing and still somehow left everything unsaid.

Azzi’s fingers twisted in the hem of her sleeve.

“I know it doesn’t fix anything,” she said. “But I do care. You know that, right?”

Paige didn’t look at her. Just nodded, once. No emotion.

Azzi took a breath. “I’m still figuring things out.”

Paige’s voice was flat. “Like what?”

She looked down. “Like… who I am. What I want. What this is.”

Paige’s gaze shifted to the window. Quiet. Not angry. Not cold. Just… tired. Like she was already exhausted from trying not to expect anything.

And Azzi hated herself for that.

Because she knew Paige deserved more than half-truths and safe answers. She deserved certainty. And Azzi—Azzi couldn’t give her that. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Because she hadn’t come out. Not to her family. Not to her team.

Not even to herself.

And maybe her feelings for Paige were real. Maybe they weren’t. Maybe they were something so specific and sharp and only Paige that she didn’t know how to translate them into anything else.

But whatever they were, she wasn’t ready.

They agreed to try again. As friends. Clean. Platonic. Safe.

Azzi told herself it was better than nothing.

And for a little while, it worked.

Until it didn’t.

*The Weeks Following Ted’s*

They tried. They really did.

After that night—after the conversation in Paige’s dorm, the hard truths and half-formed apologies—they both promised to make it work. To go back to something simpler. Just friends. Teammates. People who used to be something else but weren’t anymore.

And at first, it actually wasn’t awful.

They fell into a rhythm. Small talk. Inside jokes. Shared playlists again, but nothing too loaded. They lifted together. Texted about practice.

They were in check.

Until they weren’t.

Because old habits die hard. And Paige—Paige has never had much restraint when it comes to the people she loves.

It started with the little things. A hand on Azzi’s back when she passed behind her in the locker room. A pinky brushing hers on the bench during a timeout. Standing just a little too close in the weight room. All harmless. All manageable.

But Azzi felt every one of them.

And she didn’t stop them.

She let the small touches happen. Craved them more than she should have. Told herself it didn’t mean anything if it stayed small. Told herself it was fine.

Until it wasn’t.

Because the looks started slipping in again—those long, unblinking glances across the gym. And the way Paige said her name started sounding too soft again. Like it did back when they were still tangled up in each other, late at night, when no one else knew.

They were close to blurring lines again. So close it made Azzi’s chest ache.

But she couldn’t forget what Paige said that night outside Ted’s.

You don’t get to be all over me in private and then play straight for the crowd. I’m not your secret. I’m not some backup plan you get to use when it’s easy.

Even if it was drunk. Even if it was messy. It had cracked something wide open.

And Azzi knew—knew in her gut—that she wasn’t helping. That every glance, every casual touch, every almost was a slow kind of cruelty.

So she drew a harder line.

Not all at once, but in those quiet, deliberate ways that people notice even when they pretend not to.

She stopped sitting next to Paige during team meals. Started saying “I’m gonna head out” before the end of post-practice hangouts. Kept her phone face-down. Gave shorter replies to the late-night texts that always came without a question but carried too much meaning.

She pulled back from the casual touches. The after-lift stretching sessions that used to end in tangled limbs and unspoken closeness. The jokes that skimmed too close to something intimate. The looks. God, the looks.

She didn’t say it out loud. Never made some grand announcement.

But Paige noticed.

Of course she did.

And Azzi could feel it in the shift—how Paige got quieter around her. How her smile didn’t reach all the way anymore. How she stopped reaching out entirely after a while, like she’d done the math and realized what they were wasn’t adding up.

And maybe that was the point.

Azzi thought she was doing the right thing—protecting them both from another slow disaster. Giving her space to breathe while Azzi sorted through her own shit. Making sure Paige didn’t get pulled back into something Azzi wasn’t ready to name.

But the boundaries brought distance.

And the distance brought silence.

And now, they barely speak.

*Present Day*

Paige

She shows up to film early. Of course she does.

Because no matter what her personal life looks like—and it looks like a goddamn train wreck right now—she’s still Paige Bueckers. She’s still a team leader. Still the one who sets the tone, even if her own feels cracked and paper-thin these days.

She shows up. Every time. Early to film. Loud on the sidelines. Quick with encouragement even when she can barely stomach being on the bench.

Because that’s who she’s supposed to be.

The one who doesn’t complain. The one who leads by example. The one who makes it look easy, even when it’s anything but.

And maybe part of her is afraid that if she stops—if she lets the cracks show—they’ll start to forget. Forget how much she gave. Forget how badly she still wants it. Forget that she was supposed to be the one leading them to a title this year before her ACL exploded and took the whole plan with it.

So yeah, her life’s a mess right now. But her role? Her image? That has to stay sharp.

Even if the sharpness is starting to cut back.

She slips into her usual seat—second row, third from the left—hood up, notebook balanced on her lap, pen already uncapped. Her brace is tight today. The trainers told her to ease up on the stairs but she didn’t listen. Again.

She nods along as Geno talks. Scribbles a few things. Watches the screen like she’s absorbing it. But truthfully, she’s only catching about sixty percent of it.

The rest of her brain? Completely useless.

Because Azzi is directly behind her.

And Paige can feel it—like gravity. Like heat. Like something she isn’t supposed to notice anymore but still does, always.

It’s not dramatic. Azzi’s not staring holes in the back of her head. It’s subtler than that. Flickers of attention. Glances that hover and then dart away like they never happened. Paige doesn’t need to turn around to know—they’ve done this dance too many times.

She can feel it in her spine. In her shoulders. In the way her skin prickles under the weight of not being touched.

Azzi’s attention isn’t loud, but it’s deliberate. Careful. Measured in that way it always is now—like she’s trying not to give anything away, like looking too long might make the space between them collapse.

Paige swallows hard and focuses on the screen. Pretends she doesn’t feel the echo of all the ways they used to reach for each other without saying a word.

Pretends she doesn’t miss it. Even though it’s still right there. Just one row behind her.

She’s good at this—keeping her expression neutral, her body language easy, like nothing’s ever off. She’s been doing it since middle school, since before anyone knew what to look for.

But today?

Today, it takes more effort than she wants to admit.

Her notes are messier than usual. Her focus drifts more often. Her stomach clenches every time Geno pauses the tape on an old play from last season—her feeding Azzi in the corner, Azzi draining the three. The two of them moving like muscle memory.

Like something that used to be.

She exhales quietly and writes something down that she probably won’t remember later.

****

After film, someone says, “Nika’s tonight?” and that’s that.

No group vote, no discussion. Just a general agreement that they all need a break and a bad movie. Team bonding, but make it low-key.

Paige almost bails.

She’s not in the mood for snacks and sarcasm and pretending everything’s normal. But she’s also not in the mood to be the only one who doesn’t show up—especially not when she’s already spending enough time on the outside looking in.

So she goes.

She’s late. Not dramatically. Just enough that by the time she walks into Nika’s apartment, the lights are dim, the popcorn’s halfway gone, and everyone’s already staked out their territory.

She scans the room, pretending not to look like she’s scanning. Ice and Aubrey are draped across the beanbags. KK and Caroline are posted up with blankets on the floor. Nika’s curled into her oversized chair like a queen on her throne.

Only one spot left.

And of course it’s next to Azzi.

Because why wouldn’t it be?

The end cushion on the main couch. There’s space—barely. Azzi’s legs are tucked under her, hoodie sleeves pulled over her hands, face turned toward the screen like she’s already locked in. But Paige knows her well enough to know she’s not.

She stops in the doorway, hovering just long enough to feel stupid about it. Her eyes flick across the room again, double-checking like maybe she missed a better option.

She didn’t.

She could sit on the floor, but that’d be weird. Or the counter stool near the kitchen, but that’s a straight-up exile move. Obvious. And most of the team is blissfully unaware of the behind-the-scenes melodrama that’s become her and Azzi’s lives.

So she bites the bullet.

Plasters on a neutral face.

And drops down next to her.

Azzi shifts just slightly to make room—knee brushing Paige’s for half a second before pulling away again. It’s barely anything. But Paige feels it everywhere.

She opens a bottle of water and stares at the screen like the movie’s going to save her.

It won’t.

But at least if she focuses hard enough, maybe she won’t notice how close Azzi’s arm is. Or the way her hair smells like something fruity. Or how Paige used to spend entire nights in that exact space on the couch—knees touching, shoulders warm, everything between them soft and quiet and real.

Now?

Now she’s just trying not to breathe too loud.

****

She’s pretty sure the room wasn’t this warm when she walked in.

Paige shifts slightly, peeling the edge of her hoodie away from her neck like it might help. It doesn’t. The apartment’s packed, sure—but it’s not that hot. At least no one else seems to be melting into the furniture.

Except maybe her.

Or maybe it’s just that she can feel Azzi next to her.

Not in some earth-shattering way. Just enough to make her skin buzz. Just in a too-aware-of-every-breath-she-takes kind of way. Her knee is curled toward Paige’s leg again, tucked under her like she’s trying to disappear into the couch. And Paige��s thigh is right there—barely touching, but definitely touching.

And God help her, it’s all she can think about.

Azzi shifts again and their knees bump. A soft, accidental press. Paige freezes.

Azzi doesn’t move.

Paige doesn’t either.

The movie is playing—some dumb rom-com Nika picked for the aesthetic more than the plot. Something with oversaturated lighting and too many slow-motion glances. Laughter bubbles up around the room at some punchline Paige barely registers.

She doesn’t hear it.

Not really.

Her pulse is louder than the dialogue now, steady and unrelenting in her ears. It drums under her skin like a warning: Too close. Too close.

The couch cushion shifts beside her as Azzi moves—slow, quiet, pulling at the sleeve of her sweatshirt like she’s fidgeting to keep her hands busy. Paige doesn’t look over, but she doesn’t have to. She can feel it.

That subtle give in the cushion. The warmth creeping into the narrow space between them.

Now their arms are close. Like, too close.

Not quite touching, but close enough that the fabric of Paige’s hoodie tugs slightly when she inhales. Close enough that she can feel the static tension gathering in the gap between them like something charged, alive, waiting.

She presses her knuckles into her thigh to ground herself. Keeps her eyes on the screen like the movie might anchor her.

But it doesn’t.

Because all she can think about is the fact that if she moved half an inch to the left, she’d be touching Azzi again.

And that half an inch feels impossible.

Paige inhales through her nose and stares at the screen like her life depends on it.

It’s fine. This is fine.

Just casual knee contact with your ex-best friend slash person-you’re-definitely-not-still-in-love-with. No big deal.

Then—

“Yo,” Aubrey whispers, way too loud for a whisper, jabbing Paige in the side with two knuckles like she’s trying to get her attention and restart her heart.

Paige startles—physically jolts. Her knee knocks into Azzi’s harder than intended, solid enough to make her wince. Her elbow swings wide in the process and lands—of course—right against Azzi’s ribs.

“Oh my God—sorry,” she mumbles, already pulling her arm back like it’s on fire.

Azzi lets out the softest breath. Not quite a laugh. Not quite a sigh. Just… something that says I felt that too.

Paige doesn’t look over. Can’t. If she does, she’s pretty sure she’ll combust.

“Sorry,” she mutters under her breath.

Azzi gives a tiny head shake like it’s nothing, but she doesn’t look at her.

Paige blinks, disoriented, half-thinking she’s about to see a TikTok or a meme or something equally stupid that’ll at least give her a reason to unclench.

She looks down.

And her stomach twists.

Azzi

The interruption is a relief. A welcome one, honestly.

She’s felt like she’s been holding her breath for the last thirty minutes—shoulders tight, legs folded too neatly, heart thudding in some dumb, unsteady rhythm she swears wasn’t there when the movie started.

It’s just a couch.

Just a movie.

Just Paige sitting four inches to her right, jaw clenched and eyes trained on the screen like it personally offended her.

Azzi hasn’t moved in forever. Not really. She shifted once to reach for popcorn and regretted it immediately when her knee brushed Paige’s. Light. Unintentional. But it might as well have been electric. She’s been statue-still ever since.

She doesn’t dare lean back or adjust or even uncross her ankles. Not when her skin is still buzzing. Not when her arm is close enough to Paige’s that she can feel the heat through two layers of fabric and the silence between them is doing more damage than words ever could.

It’s not like anyone else would notice. To everyone else, it probably looks normal. Like nothing’s wrong. Just two teammates watching a movie.

But to Azzi?

It’s suffocating.

She can feel Paige’s tension like it’s her own—like it’s crawling off her skin and settling in Azzi’s chest. She can feel every breath Paige takes and every one she holds. Every shift. Every twitch. Every micro-movement of trying not to care.

And she wonders—stupidly, selfishly—if Paige feels it too.

So yeah, when Aubrey leans over and jabs Paige with her elbow, Azzi nearly exhales out loud.

Thank God.

She tries not to look. Tries to give them privacy, even though nothing about it seems that deep. Just a phone screen, a low chuckle, Paige’s voice tight and unreadable.

But then Paige goes still.

Not physically—emotionally. The kind of retreat you only notice if you’ve memorized her face.

So she glances over.

Not to be nosy. Just… to know.

And that’s when she sees it.

A phone screen held between two hands. Lit up with an Instagram profile. A girl.

Dark brown hair. Sharp jawline. Smiling in cleats and turf-stained socks.

Azzi squints. She recognizes her—vaguely. From the soccer team, maybe? She’s pretty. Objectively.

Something in Azzi’s stomach shifts.

And then—like a puzzle snapping into place—she remembers the conversation from earlier that week.

Caroline and Aubrey sitting at the table in the student center, laughing over iced coffees and talking just loud enough for Azzi to catch the tail end of it.

“I swear, she’d be into her,” Aubrey had said, voice low but not exactly subtle.

“She’s cool. Chill. Doesn’t take things too seriously.”

Caroline had hummed, not disagreeing. “Paige could probably use someone like that right now.”

And then—

“Something easy, y’know? While she’s stuck on the sidelines.”

Azzi hadn’t thought much of it at the time. Hadn’t let herself.

But now? Seeing the girl’s face on the screen? Watching Paige go still?

It lands.

Aubrey’s trying to play matchmaker.

And the match?

Isn’t her.

Of course it’s not her.

Azzi shifts in her seat slightly, just enough to break the contact between their legs. Paige doesn’t seem to notice. Or maybe she does and just doesn’t react. That might be worse.

A tightness starts blooming in Azzi’s chest, quiet but immediate. Like a too-small sweatshirt pressing against her lungs. Like she just learned something she wasn’t supposed to hear.

Her eyes flick back to the phone. The girl’s still there—smiling like she has no idea she’s the source of the ache forming behind Azzi’s ribs. She’s pretty. Chill-looking. Effortless. The kind of girl who probably doesn’t overthink a thing. Who’d slide into a relationship like it’s just another afternoon.Who could hold her without all the questions.

Azzi looks away.

Her stomach twists.

Because the truth is, this girl probably is a better fit. Probably won’t freeze when Paige gets close. Probably won’t make her feel like she has to tiptoe around invisible landmines. Probably won’t leave her hanging in the middle of a sentence because she doesn’t know how to say I think about you all the time, but I still don’t know what that means for me.

And that’s what stings the most.

Not that Paige might move on. But that maybe she should.

Azzi presses her hands into her lap. Hard. Just to feel something else.

It shouldn’t hurt this much. She’s the one who stepped back. Drew the line. Told herself it was better this way.

But now, watching Paige stiffen beside her, reading whatever’s on that screen, Azzi wants to reach across the couch and snatch the phone from her hands. Or rewind time. Or say something. Anything.

But she doesn’t.

Because what could she possibly say?

Wait, don’t like her. I still think about you every night. I wasn’t ready then, but I miss you in a way that still scares me. Please.

No.

Instead, she stays still.

Breath shallow.

Heart splintering slowly in her chest.

Because the girl on the screen is probably good for Paige.

And then— Oh God. Derrick.

Her actual boyfriend.

She’d forgotten about him. Completely. Like, not just out of sight, out of mind—but fully erased from her mental hard drive for the past thirty seconds. That probably says something awful.

They’ve been hanging out. It’s not nothing. He’s good to her. Steady in a way that’s rare around here—especially in guys who spend half their lives in cleats and compression sleeves. Derrick’s on the football team, so he gets it. The early lifts, the pressure, the silence that sometimes follows a bad game. He doesn’t ask her to explain the way her brain works when she’s locked in season mode—he just understands.

He laughs at her driest jokes. Always walks her to her dorm, even when it’s out of the way.

It’s not fake.

Sometimes, when she’s with him—when it’s quiet, and he’s smiling at her like she’s not hard to love—she almost lets herself believe this is what right feels like.

But then moments like this creep in.

Moments where her whole body tunes to Paige’s without meaning to. Where a knee bump or a glance makes her forget who she came here with.

And suddenly, even good things start to feel wrong.

Maybe this is what happens when you wait too long to be brave.

Paige

She scrolls for a beat too long. Long enough to memorize the girl’s face even though she doesn’t mean to.

Pretty. Friendly smile. The kind of person you could sit next to in class and not feel the need to impress.

She feels Azzi shift beside her. Just barely.

But Paige feels it. Like a ripple through the couch cushion. Like a silent inhale that doesn’t fully let go.

She doesn’t look over. She doesn’t need to. 

Azzi saw. She knows that much.

And maybe—God, maybe—there’s a version of her that should be thrilled by that. That should take the tension radiating off Azzi’s body as proof. That should cling to it like a sign that not everything’s lost. That maybe there’s still a version of this story where they get to figure it out.

But all Paige can think about is how tired she is.

How long it’s been since someone touched her and meant it. Since she felt chosen. On purpose. Without conditions.

Aubrey leans in again, barely above a whisper. “I told you she’s cute.”

Paige forces a tiny, noncommittal smile. “Yeah. She’s… fine.”

Aubrey nudges her with an elbow. “She’s more than fine. And she’s chill. Pre-PT major. I think you’d vibe.”

Paige keeps her eyes on the screen, where the rom-com couple is slow-dancing in the rain. “We’ve literally never spoken.”

“So? That’s what DMs are for,” Aubrey says, like it’s obvious. “And don’t give me that look. It wouldn’t kill you to flirt for once.”

Paige huffs out something like a laugh. “I don’t even know how to flirt anymore. My game died with my ACL.”

Aubrey snorts. “Okay, drama. You’re still Paige Bueckers. You could wink at a vending machine and it would Venmo you lunch.”

That gets a real smile. Small, but real. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m not wrong.”

Paige shrugs, letting the phone settle in her lap. “Maybe.”

She hasn’t been with anyone since Azzi. Not seriously. Not in the ways that matter. A few flirty texts. A couple of could’ve-beens. Nothing that stuck. Nothing she wanted to.

Because how are you supposed to fall for someone else when the only person you ever really wanted still looks at you like that—and then does nothing?

Maybe it’s time.

Not to move on, exactly. She’s not sure that’s even possible. But maybe it’s time to try wanting something new. Something easy. Someone who doesn’t come with a year of silence and soft maybes. Someone who doesn’t make her feel like she’s constantly waiting for a door to open that might never unlock.

She nods at the phone, even though the screen’s dimmed now. “She’s cute,” she says quietly.

Aubrey nudges her again, triumphant. “Told you.”

Paige passes the phone back with a smile she hopes looks normal.

She leans back into the couch, exhale soft, heartbeat a little too loud in her ears.

Azzi hasn’t moved. And Paige doesn’t either.

Then— A soft buzz. Azzi pulls out her phone. The screen lights up.

Paige doesn’t mean to look. But she does.

Derrick 💪🏽 One text. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.

Paige’s throat tightens. She turns back to the screen, blinking hard. The movie’s still playing, some oversaturated love story about two people who keep finding their way back to each other no matter what.

She presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth and wills herself not to care.

But the ache sits there anyway. Familiar. Heavy. Right in the center of her chest.

Maybe this is what moving on looks like. Maybe it's not dramatic. Not loud. Maybe it’s just noticing someone’s Instagram profile and not looking away this time.

She pulls her hoodie tighter. Sinks a little further into the couch.

And for the first time in a long time, Paige wonders what it might feel like to be wanted by someone new—someone who doesn't already know how to break her.

[nizhspo]

haikyuu characters and their colleges!

genre: haikyuu headcanons

chars: atsumu miya, hajime iwaizumi, kei tsukishima, keiji akaashi, kentaro kyotani, kiyoomi sakusa, koutaro bokuto, osamu miya, rintaro suna, tooru oikawa

notes: in honor of college decision day last week

𖤐 ATSUMU MIYA, louisiana state university

psychology major. says he picked psychology to “study bitches,” but when attachment theory came up in class, he got real quiet. said, “nah, that explains a lot,” and didn’t speak again the whole lecture.

his dorm’s a double, but his roommate’s always at his girlfriend’s place, so atsumu basically lives alone. there’s a yellow LSU flag thumbtacked to the wall, crooked. purple string lights he never turns off. there’s always a protein shaker on his desk and an air fryer on top of his mini fridge that he’s definitely not supposed to have.

only asian in a d9 sorority. line name: “hurricane.” loud, reckless, unforgettable. most likely omega psi phi w/ his unpredictable ass.

he’s got school spirit like it’s his job, bro. tailgates in body paint, posts “GEAUX TIGERS” every saturday, and cries when they lose. he’s a campus menace, but professors like him ’cause he participates with just enough charm to keep his grade alive.

would definitely fuck one of the basketball player's girlfriends on accident. wasn’t even his fault—she came onto him, but word got around fast. now any time someone says “bro don’t let your girl near atsumu,” it’s not even a joke. he laughs it off in public, but he definitely switches routes to avoid the gym hallway.

when he likes you, it shows up in acts of chaos. sneaking into your lecture just to pass you a note that says u miss me? or waiting outside your class with an iced drink, grinning like a golden retriever. he’s loud, but when you talk, he listens for real.

𖤐 HAJIME IWAIZUMI, university of florida

kinesiology major. in class, he’s focused, raises his hand. he’s not loud about being smart, because he isn’t—not really, he’s just a hard worker. makes the deans list once. kinda falters off after that. schools hard man.

he’s got a dorm in athlete housing, but it’s clean. bed made, shoes lined up, weights by the closet. he’s always up early, always in motion. jogs before class, stretches while microwaving rice.

he didn’t pledge a frat. didn’t need to. everyone already knows him. football players dap him up, med students ask for his notes. he’s the guy people trust to hold their drink at parties.

he’s got school spirit, but only for game days. wears his hoodie, shows up to cheer, but doesn’t scream in the stands. he’s not flashy about pride. this is mainly because he got too into betting on the basketball team freshman year during march madness and literally went so broke he couldn’t afford groceries for 2 weeks until his next paycheck (work study).

when he likes you, it’s in how he shows up. carrying your books when you’re tired. fixing the strap on your backpack. standing between you and the guy who got too close at a party.

eater eater eater eaterrrrr!! bro would eat coochie in a public bathroom if you asked. #sorrythatsnotverycollegerelated.

anywaysss iwaizumi’s love isn’t loud. it’s reliable. it’s strong hands (y’all and i’m talking strong) and a softer voice than you expected.

𖤐 KEI TSUKISHIMA, university of chicago

paleobiology major. please don’t ask me what that means guys.

tsukki’s dorm is cold. literally and emotionally. he shares a double with a music major who’s always practicing guitar, and he hates it. his desk is perfectly organized. his bed’s made military-style.

he despises greek life. his social circle is small: one lab partner, one sarcastic roommate, and the girl who sits next to him in ancient ecosystems. if i called him a loser would y’all be mad LMFAOOO? sorry he just gives very didn’t-take-full-advantage-of-the-college-experience-because-he-was-too-busy-trying-to-aura-farm vibes. or maybe he takes more advantage his 2nd or 3rd year. starts to drink. allows himself to loosen up and goes to parties.

his first ever hook-up is his 2nd or 3rd year and she’s an upperclassmen. rides him so well he tries to ask her out like 2 days later. obviously gets shut down and probably becomes a shell for like a month. probably inspired a hoe era from him, too. good job, girl.

he doesn’t do school spirit. doesn’t do pep rallies. doesn’t even wear the merch unless it’s raining even though he was a prick in high school about how he got into uchicago.

in class, he’s absurdly smart. the kind who corrects professors smart. it’s a combination of too much time on his hands to study and genuine passion for that dinosaur shit. people think he’s arrogant. he is. but he’s usually right. doesn’t get all a’s though because he’s such an asshole to profs.

𖤐 KEIJI AKAASHI, columbia university

english & philosophy double major. was definitely an asshole in ap lit during highschool and got a 4 and almost crashed out. also always makes sure to specify he goes to columbia in ny and not chicago because he’s a pretentious bitch.

he’s got a single in a brownstone-style dorm that smells like bergamot and old books. it’s quiet. floor lamp, clean desk, moleskin journals stacked neatly beside a bluetooth speaker always playing something soft.

he didn’t even think about rushing. greek life isn’t his thing. instead, he edits for the campus lit mag and drinks espresso with the creative writing kids in dark cafes.

he never wears school merch on campus but has two columbia hoodies he likes to wear at the airport incase any wealthy alumni decide to bless his pockets. also has a little keychain.

never misses class. started off showing up in fitted sweaters and long coats, always prepared, until the 2nd week hit him like a truck and he realized everyone was just as great as him. it’s been sweats and dark circles ever since.

his essays however are hauntingly good. he quotes philosophers mid-conversation and makes it sound like poetry.

was long-term fucking w/ this aspiring-director-art-hoe from nyu until his grade dropped to a whopping c and he found himself on the subway train visiting her and sending letters more than he found himself in the library. tries shrooms for the first and last time with her.

when he likes you, it’s not a confession. it’s a gradual, undeniable presence. he saves you a seat in lecture. he remembers your coffee order. he leaves a book for you with a note that says, thought of you on page 84.

𖤐 KENTARO KYOTANI, university of oregon

undeclared. he’s got a double dorm but sleeps alone because his roommate transferred out by october. his side’s a mess of black hoodies, tangled chargers, and a punching bag duct-taped to the wall. there’s an air freshener clipped to the vent, but it’s not doing much. his window’s always cracked for his vape smoke.

he doesn’t do frat shit. hates being told what to do. parties off-campus at athlete houses or with randoms he met at the rec center. there’s always a blunt in rotation, a shoe missing, someone jumping off the roof.

doesn’t own a single piece of duck gear, but you’ll catch him in the student section during football games, yelling his throat out.

he’s technically undeclared but hovering around a kinesiology degree because a counselor told him he could work in sports without writing essays. he acts like he doesn’t care, but when his grades dropped too low to play intramural, he got pissed. started showing up to class with a hoodie over his head, earbuds in, hood still up.

he’s got a stupid, stupid crush on one of the girls from the track team (i mean y’all have you SEEN the oregon track team). walks past the field “on accident” every day.

when he likes you, it’s not obvious. not at first. it’s letting you steal his hoodie without a word. it’s sending you a pic of his dinner with the caption “ate today.” it’s leaning back on two legs of his chair and looking at you instead of the professor.

definitely has beef w/ one of the frat brothers or some shit because his mouth is slick as shit!! there’s atleast 1 frat house that has him banned for life!!

𖤐 KIYOOMI SAKUSA, university of michigan

microbiology major. ok no glaze because i was just lowk on akaashi’s dick but this guy is brilliant. high GPA, terrifying in labs. he’s just one of those people that get the whole college thing. professors love him, classmates avoid him. knows when to ask the write questions, when to challenge the professor and when to kiss-up.

he’s got a single in the newest dorm building, top floor, near a fire exit so no one has to pass by his door. everything’s black, white, or navy. there’s sanitizer by the bed and lint rollers in every drawer.

he hates frats. thinks they’re germ farms. instead, he lowk keeps to himself besides maybe like one club or society related to his major. shows up to class early, sits far back, never shares pens. ALSO is at every single internship job-fair and finds it absolutely disgusting how many hands he has to shake and vaguely considers being broke the rest of his life.

he doesn’t care for school spirit but owns one michigan hoodie because his cousin got it for him. he only wears it when it’s clean.

but when he likes you? you know. he wipes your phone screen when you’re not looking. he texts, drink water. he lets you wear his hoodie home and doesn’t ask for it back. when you’re sick, he shows up with meds and soup and mumbles, “you’re annoying when you don’t take care of yourself.”

guys i’m gonna be honest i’m trying to figure out how i wanna characterize him still y’all gotta let me work through it.

𖤐 KOUTARO BOKUTO, university of alabama

communications major. whatever the fuck that means. he takes class seriously when he connects with the professor. when he doesn’t? he’s doodling mascots in the margins or texting in the groupchat about lunch. still pulls a B+ average on sheer charm and effort. fails like two classes though because charm can’t win em all. also takes badminton as an elective.

and LAWDDD them bama girls love him down!! if he was in any type of relationship leaving high school that is done by orientation week! and don’t let him put on a damn cowboy hat and some boots lord they finna fuck him right there in the stands @ the football game.

he’s in a triple dorm, and somehow all three of them actually get along. there’s a group chat called “THE BOYS” in all caps, a giant whiteboard on the wall with their gym schedules, and a disco light they use for impromptu room raves. it prolly smell like a little bit of shit in there though.

definitely one of those dudes walking barefoot in the communal bathrooms with his NASTY ASS. also takes unapologetic shits in there too.

bokuto pledged and thrived though!! he’s the social chair of his frat, known for making the best playlists and leading the most unhinged chants during rush. he’s the heart of game day, standing on coolers, shirt half-off, rallying strangers like it’s a religion.

definitely had some poor girl make him a frat cooler though. he’s so lovable it’s easy to get sucked into his orbit but girl.. he really is just like that w/ everyone.

BUT on a contrary note when he does stop being a campus whore and finally gets a crush.. it’s loud. when he likes you, it’s so loud. he makes you a friendship bracelet in your school colors. he shows up to walk you to class with two iced coffees and a grin so wide it makes you forget what you were mad about (probably him being a friendly ass bitch). you meet his frat brothers, his favorite professor, the gym receptionist, everyone. he introduces you like he’s proud, like he’s won something.

and when he gets drunk at a tailgate, he grabs your face and slurs, “i love you so much, it’s not even funny.” but in that lovebombing way dudes like to do. there’s probably like seven girls on campus by the time he graduates who he’s told he loves. he’s got a big heart, y’all it’s not even his fault he rlly believes it!!!

it’s never quiet with him. but the love’s loud in the best way. also i forgot he does manage to score a good ass internship through a job fair because he’s goated when it comes to talking his way into shit.

𖤐 OSAMU MIYA, university of georgia

culinary science & business major. in class, he’s quiet but respected. professors know his name. he’s never late, never flashy, just consistent. the kind of student who emails thank-you notes after a good semester (what a sweetheart). does has beef w/ one professor who doesn’t believe in a’s and his praying for her to croak.

osamu’s dorm is off-campus housing by junior year. a small one-bedroom with a balcony herb garden, cast iron skillet on the stove, and a shoe rack by the door that he actually uses. smells like garlic, rice, and comfort.

he skipped the frat route. never saw the point. he’s got a tight group of friends who show up to his pop-up food stand every friday without fail.

he doesn’t care about school spirit but owns two UGA hoodies that he wears on rotation. one has a grease stain he swears isn’t permanent.

when he likes you, he feeds you. always. he packs you lunch “just in case” even though you already ate. he asks about your allergies before your first date. he notices when you’re low energy and hands you a snack without saying anything. PREPARE TO END UP A FATASS.

he’s not romantic in the traditional way. he’s practical. steady. but one night, he leaves a note on your container lid that says, you looked pretty today. eat up.

on a hoe-ier note, he probably only gains like 3-4 bodies during college. much better than his brother who most likely ends up burnt by the time he pledges LMFAOOO #iykyk. osamu ends up settling down pretty quickly.

𖤐 RINTARO SUNA, arizona state university

film major. destined to be broke. a24 asshole. his parents probably convince him to add business in there atleast so their son doesn’t end up spending the next 60 years of his life at 7/11.

freshman year, he lives in a shared dorm, second floor, end of the hall. it’s basic as hell. blinds always shut, a fan in the window humming low, vape clouds hanging lazy in the air. one bed’s made perfectly, the other’s always a mess. his desk is cluttered with film cameras, empty yerba mate cans, and one lonely cactus he never waters.

BRO DOESN’T DO LAUNDRY. definitely a sniff test type of guy (yeah we see that shit stain buddy). but no LMFAOO it rlly does take him to like mid-way freshman year when he realizes the onion smell is him to turn it around 180°. gets rlly into cologne after that. yay improvement!!

he didn’t plan on rushing. at all. thought greek life was weird. he liked pulling up to parties where nobody knew his name. liked being the mystery with the good music. he always had the aux. always. people let him cut the line just to take over. does sometimes get too carried away w that slow shit. why are you playing frank ocean dawg you’re abt to make us cry?

but anyways sophomore year, when a couple of his close friends started pledging, they convinced him to come meet their frat. and surprisingly? he vibed with it. no toxic hazing. no fake shit. just a solid group of guys who threw good parties and respected boundaries. by junior year, he was living in the frat house top floor, corner room, two big windows he never opened, a record player spinning slow. he never wore the letters loud, never posted about it. but when people asked, he’d just shrug, “yeah, i’m in.”

he’s got a reputation. the chill guy who controls the aux like a god. discovered baby keem. was gatekeeping lucki until he blew up and now he’s listening to random underground that sounds like a samsung refrigerator. and gaslighting girls to the 1975 and pink pantheress.

don’t let him hit your pen or vape. this man is addicted. “i can quit whenever” ass!! will chief your shit AND chiefs the blunt too!!

anyways i’m hating too much so.. when he likes you, it starts in silence. he hands you the aux for ten minutes just to see what you’ll play. he saves you a seat on the roof during after-parties. he doesn’t kiss you in front of people, but when the night ends, you’re the one in his hoodie, laughing at nothing, walking back with him under campus lights.

also always has money on the game. friends w/ a couple of the basketball team and tell them he has money on that shit so they better not fuck up. you’ll catch him on the couch during march madness, hoodie up, phone in hand, whispering “don’t fuck this up, bro” like he’s coaching from the couch.

𖤐 TOORU OIKAWA, university of miami

sports management major & public relations minor. he’s a demon in class, but also kind irritating sometimes. talks just enough to sound smart, is saying absolutely NOTHING in the most amount of words possible on his discussion boards, and turns in perfect assignments at 11:58PM. also gives presentations that feel like TED talks.

he’s a little too polished first semester. too flirty with his professors. never seen in sweatpants. but all that shit crumbles second semester. he still looks presentable, but he’s in sweats and slides and basketball shorts way more often.

decorated the fuck out of his room. warm lighting, scented candles, beach towels. a mirror by the door for last looks before going out, and he always checks his hair twice. didn’t really like his roommate at first. fucked 2 girls on his bed (not at the same time.. or maybe at the same time shit who knows!) and then started to become cool w/ the guy so he never told him.

he didn’t pledge. says he’s “above that.” instead, he’s built a curated circle of beach volleyball guys, fashion majors, and business girlies who all adore him. a hoe, but not even that bad fr like he has good standards if that makes sense.

but when he likes you? all that polish starts to slip. he texts you good morning before he even opens his laptop. he lets you see him in glasses, hair messy, eyes tired. he brings you back souvenirs from break and writes notes in spanish on post-its (yes he’s a prick taking advanced spanish.)

[skwangmbyul]

rusted | thunderbolts (2025) - bucky barnes x tony stark's daughter

summary: peaks into bucky barnes and hennessy stark life as they navigate thunderbolt's events

what would be more angst than tony stark's daughter falling in love with the winter soldier?

warning: can be read as a standalone because i really needed to write bucky in this movie but this story is part of a longer universe called rusted on ao3 that follows hennessy stark since the iron man movie, i wanted to created an unique character and insert her into the timeline.

Bucky hated bureaucracy, which was kind of funny, when one considered his late application into politics. Hennessy would joke about it every time she saw him frowning upon a paper of details and over a process. Although she knew her husband still enjoyed reading some fiction, he despised technicalities and all that smiling and hand shaking necessary to make things happen in a legal manner.

She was happy, however, how he was healing by doing things in a way he never thought would be possible for him. She also made it clear that she saw no problem with him continuing as the Winter Soldier or whatever way he would like to be called if somehow, Bucky needed to fix things.

Her husband just really wanted to try it in the civilized way.

That was why he was standing in the kitchen, in their luxury apartment in Washington (still the simplest place Hennessy ever lived, not considering SHIELD complex and her dorm at college), reading the process of Valentina’s impeachment while trying to eat a chicken wing. Henny had taken hers to eat in front of the TV to let him work, but Bucky was really regretting not listening to her about the sauce being too close to the paper.

Now there were stains in his shirt, which was sprawled on the ground, leaving him only with a tank top, the paper was colored in a vibrant red and his metal arm was spending some time in the dishwasher.

— Having fun? — Hennessy Stark entered the kitchen with an empty plate, with only the leftover of the sauce indicating that there was some food in there, and a cup in her other hand.

Bucky lifted his eyes to look at his wife and he smiled upon her appearance: her hair entangled on a lazy bun and her body covered in one of his shirts. They used to look oversized in her but now, they were shortening fast. He wasn’t going to be the one to tell her that.

His look of adoration rested for a moment longer in her stomach. It wasn’t that advanced, but he loved seeing the small bump and how it fitted her body. The idea she was carrying a part of him, a product of them, always stirred something visceral inside of James.

— Not my idea of fun — he sighed, to which the Stark only laughed and took the plate to the dishwasher. But she gave one more eye glare at him, finally seeing his missing arm and raised her eyebrows, suggestively.

— The sauce again? — He nodded, a little embarrassed — Well, at least we know vibranium is suitable for dishwasher. Scientists wouldn’t test this theory anywhere else.

— Oh, your phone is about to ring — she warned him, pointing to the device.

— I can never get used to this — he extended his hand to squeeze hers, as she passed to return to the TV room.

— Put the plate on the dishwasher for me after you finish here, please? And I want this shirt out of the floor.

— Yes, ma'am.

Then the sound of his phone ringing reached him.

***

— Was that a woman I heard? — Hennessy Stark diverted her eyes from the movie she was watching to observe her husband entering the room. Now with both arms in sight, one of them holding the dirty shirt and the other his cellphone and the papers — James Buchanan Barnes, are you finally using that charm of yours to obtain things? — she said in a mockery tone but frowned when only got a huff out of him.

She noticed his expression was off and not in the way it used to get when he had to deal with boring paperwork.

— What is it, babe?

— Trouble — he sat by her side, the eyes going for the TV, fixating on them. Henny understood, it took a lot of effort on his part to be widely open, his first instinct being to reclude. She had to be extra patient when this happened.

— Trouble as, the government only does the wrong thing or the world is in danger trouble? — she asked while taking the remote control and turning off the TV. She needed to focus on his vibrations and ever since she got pregnant, doing multiple things tired her more than usual.

— Both, I think. I got a call from one of Valentina’s employees and she sounded preocuppied. Asked me to track her phone. — his hand went for her stomach. He did that a lot lately. It was as if feeling the life in there grounded him.

— Ok — she nodded, covering his hand — We can deal with that. What do you want to do?

Silence.

— Babe?

— I want to go and figure it out. — he looked at her, his eyes full of something she couldn’t quite identify.

— James, you know what I think about this. I see no problem in you being the Winter Soldier. You don’t need my approval.

— You saw no problem with your father being the Iron Man and now there is a little girl who is going to grow up without a dad. — he said, and now Hennessy could see clearly in his expression. He was afraid.

— Oh babe — she put her arms on his shoulder, coming closer so their legs were intertwined — I’m sorry that I didn’t consider this. Please, forgive me. I’m not saying I want you to go.

— James — she continued, making sure to face him — in the same way I cannot stop this baby from developing bones inside of me, I cannot stop you from doing the right thing. That is the only reason I tell you to it’s okay to be the Winter Soldier again. Not to become a hero, but because taking care of others is what you do. If you feel this is the right way to do it, I will trust you. And yes — she could read the question in his eyes — I feel terrified in thinking you would not come back. But I trust you, ok? I trust that, at least, you’re not entering any suicide mission. Especially now. Just know when to back up, all right?

— Thanks, love. — he sank his face in her neck, inhaling deeply, a weight coming out of his shoulder. Although he was only going after the clue to make Valentina pay legally, hearing Hennessy said that made him feel safe — I’m gonna miss you.

— One more reason for you to take care and finish fast — he laughed and the good vibration in her neck put a smile on Hennessy’s face. — Do you need any help?

— Track her phone while I change? — He raised his head and gave her his most charming smile.

— So, this is the smile you gave to the girl to make her call you, huh? Should I be concerned, Barnes?

— You know I only have eyes for you, doll.

***

— Bucky, we are not the good guys — Yelena said, the look of distress on her face evident. Bucky knew that look.

Before he could say anything, the guy in the red uniform shushed her.

— We can be a team — he said, eagerly. — And isn’t his wife one of the good ones? If we put her to join us, we can be great.

— His wife? Who? — Phantom asked, confused

— What? Don’t you know he is married to a Stark? — it was John who answered. Bucky sighed and gave a squeeze in his temples.

— I don’t have time to follow gossip, so no, I didn’t.

— She is not entering any fights and she won’t join us, so no Stark for us. — he raised his voice, putting an end to discussion.

***

He was relieved that Yelena was right. Otherwise, he would be dead and Hennessy would kill him.

He saw no other alternative. With the speed that the shadow was taking New York, soon it would arrive on DC and she and the baby would be in danger. He had no other choice but to hope that the ideas of the crazy individuals who had become his partner in the mission were right.

So once he finally got to past the most traumatic episodes of his life and found Bob and the crew again, he realized he would have to tell Hennessy that he let the shadow touch him with a slighty chance of this meaning his death. The girl would go feral over him.

— What? What are you doing here? — Bob asked, surprised to see them all in his room.

— Disobeying my wife.

— Are you guys okay? What did you see?

— Oh, I’m great. I have a beautiful past, so it’s cool — he gave her a nervous laugh.

[justcallmemrslupin]

Why Wolfstar Is the Most Dangerous Harry Potter Ship (and Why the Fandom Needs to Talk About It)

I've been in the Harry Potter fandom for over 20 years. I watched it grow, evolve, twist, and turn. I saw fanfiction rise, canon conclude, and the fandom shift focus countless times. And still, one thing baffles me more than anything else: how deeply romanticized and normalized Wolfstar has become.

At first, I didn’t care. People were writing fanfiction. They wanted queer representation. They were dreaming up alternate stories — and as long as it stayed within the realm of fiction and imagination, I had no issue with it.

But it’s not like that anymore. Now, Wolfstar is treated like a canon pairing, and if you even dare to question it, you're accused of being bigoted, ignorant, or told to leave the fandom altogether. And that’s heartbreaking, not just because of how hostile the discourse has become, but because the ship itself is incredibly toxic, and no one seems willing to acknowledge it.

Let’s be clear: Sirius Black was not a good friend to Remus Lupin.

• He exposed Remus' most dangerous, painful secret to an enemy (Snape) and used him as a weapon.

• He wished for a full moon out of boredom.

• He trusted Peter Pettigrew over Remus.

• He didn’t even leave Remus anything in his will.

Wolfstar is dangerous because it romanticizes a friendship that was never balanced, never healthy, and never based in mutual care. It takes one of the most traumatizing betrayals in the books — the "prank" — and brushes it off as “teenage drama.” But what if James hadn’t stopped Snape? Remus would have killed someone. He would have spent his life in Azkaban — or worse.

And yet, Sirius said he’d rather die than betray a friend? He already did. And still, the fandom turns him into a misunderstood romantic hero and turns Remus into either his pining lover or a side note.

Meanwhile, Tonks — who loved Remus deeply, chose him in spite of the risks, and built a family with him — is hated, mocked, and erased. Simply because she married someone the fandom decided didn’t belong to her.

I once posted about this on TikTok and got flooded with hate. One girl even said: “Don’t f** with me, Lupin is gay and Tonks is a b**h.”

What?! When did we become so toxic that we can’t even respect canon relationships without being accused of bigotry?

You want to ship? Go ahead. But don’t pretend Wolfstar is some great love story. It wasn’t even a good friendship. And don’t attack people who see Remus Lupin for the kind, complex, human character he really was. Because what matters, as Sirius himself once said in the films, is the side we choose to act on.

And Remus Lupin chose good. Always.

[blackholezyy]

“Glimmadora shippers are racist! Bow is literally right there!”

“Glimmadora shippers always forget about Bow!!”

Honestly, I hate it when people bring up Bow to call Glimmadora shippers bring up Bow to make Glimmadora look problematic.. which it isn’t. Every and if not then most Glimmadora shipper I see usually respects Bow as a character and doesn’t hate his canon pairing with Glimmer. The reason why we prefer Glimmadora as opposed to Glimbow is because Glimmadora is more interesting as a ship (but not problematic like C\\A) and ironically, had more build up and romantic-coded scenes than Glimbow ever had. I could name a lot of solid Glimmadora moments that are not only cute or moving, but also expand their characters while with Glimbow, it was just one “I love you” and that’s it.

Like Glimmer saving Adora from Shadow Weaver nearing the end of S1:

Glimmer and Adora cuddling in a bathtub

The conflict between them in S4

The way Adora was LITERALLY dying and the first person that pops into her mind was not Catra, but Glimmer and that was enough to make her continue fighting.. “I want to be the hero she deserves.”

And that is barely even scratching the surface. Don’t get me wrong, I saw SOME Glimbow moments sprinkled here and there, however subtle moments aren’t enough when building an endgame ship. It just makes the ship look like it came out of nowhere and feel rushed.

Not to mention, Glimbow is just a very boring ship in my opinion. It’s cute aesthetically and it’s cool to see POC couples, however if you ONLY like Glimbow for that reason then that’s a little.. strange to me?

Also Bow is constantly being pushed aside. He barely has any backstory, no arc, is only there to support his friends (black best friend stereotype), and still gets pushed aside in the fandom—constantly reduced to being Glimmer’s boyfriend or again, supporting his friends. To bring up Bow would be extremely hypocritical and makes no sense in terms of shipping because shipping Glimmadora, a harmless ship and more healthy than C//A but more interesting than Glimbow doesn’t change the fact that Glimbow is canon. That doesn’t mean its immune to criticism.

Also didn’t Nate’s wife or someone else said that it would be hot if Catra and Glimmer had an affair and no one said anything about it? Is the “oh what about their canon lover” only exclusive to Bow? Had she said Glimmer and Adora then the C//A shippers would’ve been rioting.

[confusedhummingbird]

Thinking how the original sinner Geoff Johns said he reinvented Cassie because he "didn't get her", and how he and other later writers seemed to not only portray her so unlikable but have the other characters even crap on her in-title as if to validate her detractors. The Comicbloc forums were really bad with some Cassie haters (including a Saturn Girl pfp lady) not only wishing death on her, but SA, mutilation, and a lot of sexually charged punishments for a fictional teenage girl being rude and poorly-written. Glad there are people that acknowledge her good times before the TT 2003 dark one.

What happened to Cassie after Young Justice character wise is something I could talk about for hours because it pisses me off so much. Original Wonder Woman and Young Justice Cassie is so amazing. She's scrappy, excitable, loyal, and such a badass. And as someone who was a tomboy growing up and still isn't the most feminine woman I love her tomboy nature. And I love how pretty much all the important people in her life were the women in her life. Diana, Donna, Artemis, her Mom, Cissie. She went from a hyper fangirl to the well earned leader of Young Justice. She was amazing. And then it all got fucked over by Geoff Johns (Also Judd Winick in Graduation Day) making someone who had so much character and depth and transformed her into just "Conner's girlfriend". And the women's lead story is instead replaced with the men in her life Conner, Zeus, and Ares. And her relationship with her Mom is barely there and Cissie her best friend is pretty much just gone. And to add insult to injury they had her hate on her old tomboy self and call herself ugly and basically go "Thank God that's over."

Fuck you Geoff Johns.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

I both love and hate the s4 ladynoir conflict. It had so much potential, but the way they wrote it was so baffeling.

Personally I'm a big fan of interpersonal conflict in fiction where both sides have a point and is rooted in some real and presistent character flaws. And they absolutely could've had that with the conflict moments they had building up the arc.

Because all the conflicts they showed are ones where Adrien had legitimate complaints about Ladybug not treating him like the equal partner he's supposed to be and needlessly keeping him in the dark. But whenever anyone talked about the conflict it was made all about Adrien whining that Ladybug doesn't love him, which huh?????

Adrien complaining Ladybug didn't trust him was valid. Adrien complaining Ladybug didn't love him made him sound like a Nice GuyTM.

And the narrative keeps flipflopping about whether he's angry that he's not her partner or that he's not her lover in a way that feels like there were two writing teams who kept tugging the narrative between them.

In Hack-San Adrien complains to Alya about how no one keeps the cat in the loop, but when talking to Ladybug he says Ladybug did everything right and the only issue was that he would miss her if she was gone.

In Kuro Neko, Adrien is depressed because he feels like Ladybug doesn't need him and he's the same as any of the other sidekicks she picks and chooses at her convinence (a sentiment he echos in Wishmaker). The plot they set up, with Chat Noir being replaced with Catwalker, clasically should lead to the lesson of "Chat Noir really is irreplaceable in their dynamic, not just for his cataclysm but for who he is" and/or "Catwalker may be who Marinette wants but Chat Noir is the partner she needs". A plot which implicitly says Marinette is the one who needs to learn the lesson because she was devaluing Chat Noir contribution, at least if we go by the classical beats of the plot.

Instead, what we gets is Adrien learning a lesson about how he was wrong to complain and that he was simply too sensitive (also that Chat Noir is an inferior version of Catwalker and that's why he's better as Ladybug's partner). Which would fit the narrative of him being angry because he isn't Ladybug's lover but is an insane take for the narrative of him wanting to be treated like an equal partner. Except that in the finale, Ladybug tells him that he may not be her special partner anymore but he's still her favorite, which only makes sense in a narrative where he's angry about not being an equal partner and wrong for that.

(Also, don't get me started about how literally nothing in the episode built up to Adrien learning the lesson that he ended up expressing. I can't even point out to anything specific that would've logically made him change his mind that way. At least not anything that doesn't come with a whole lot of unfortunate implications.)

In Strikeback, the "conclusion" to the arc, it gets somehow even worse. I first thought that during the ladynoir argument, Adrien complained about how she gets to know all of the temporary holders' identities and he doesn't, but no. Apperently what he's actually angry about is that she knows everyone's identities and he wants her to know his too. Something which goes against the narrative of him being angry because he's not her partner because this would only make the imbalance between them worse.

Except, in the end of the episode, when Marinette has her breakdown after all the miraculous got stolen, she apologizes for pushing Chat away, keeping secrets, etc. All stuff that would make perfect sense in the narrative of Chat not being treating equally, but that the show never established because every time there was an instance where Ladybug treated Chat unfairly, the show refused to acknowledged it and said that the real issue is Adrien's crush. And once again, there was literally nothing in the episode that would lead her to learning the lesson that those parts of her behaviour are problematic. (Nevermind that she kept up the same behaviour in future seasons so she didn't really learn anything and develop as a character, but we're talking about s4).

And it would've been so easy to fix the finale so that it would've both adressed the season long arc they were (kinda) trying for, as well as made the loss of the miraculous rooted in an actual character mistake rather than simply bad luck. All it would take are two little changes.

Have Chat actually hear Ladybug calling Flairmidable "Adrien", instead of having him close by and listening for no reason and with no payoff.

Have Chat argue against Ladybug's order for him to detransform because he wants to keep an eye on Felix and prevent him from getting into shenanigans.

Keep everything else canonical, maybe insert a line or two where Chat tells Ladybug that he doesn't trust Flairmidable and her dismissing him so that by the end of the episode she would know not trusting Chat was a mistake, and bam! Now you have an episode that actually engages with the season long plotline rather than only playing lip service to it, gives an actual reason for Marinette to learn the lesson she expresses at the end and it makes the heroes' loss character driven rather than random happenstance.

Honestly, I think a lot of the conflict in the fandom over s4 comes for the shows indecision for which narrative it commits to. Both have grounding in the text, both are a complete mess that doesn't get a proper payoff, but in one Chat is in the right and Ladybug is in the wrong and in the other Chat is in the wrong and Ladybug is completely innocent. So people pick which narrative thet think the show was showing based on who their favorite character is.

I agree with everything you said, but I've covered my thoughts on most of it in various other posts, so I'll just link to my season four my beloathed tag in case anyone wants to read a bunch of rants on the topic. For this response, I'm just going to comment on a few things you brought up at the end because I don't think I've discussed them before.

Have Chat actually hear Ladybug calling Flairmidable "Adrien", instead of having him close by and listening for no reason and with no payoff.

I hated this scene so much! Ladybug was being so cute and sweet and giving an uplifting message that Adrien should have gotten to hear with the full context that it was meant for him! Instead the scene is focused on Chat Noir being pissy that Ladybug is being nice to another boy. What was the point of that? It's not like it pays off later! Adrien obviously learns that Flairmidable was supposed to be him, but we never see him process the fact that he spent a good chunk of the episode being jealous of himself or that all of those nice things Ladybug said were about him. You could cut the jealousy issue and the Flairmidable reveal would play exactly as it already does in canon because the jealousy was pointless! Why do they insist on undermining his character like this?

Obviously Adrien realizing that Flairmidable is Felix complicates the identity switch thing a bit since he could out Felix, but outing Felix is near impossible without an identity reveal, so it's easy write Adrien being cautious, but letting it happen once Ladybug insists that Flairmidable has been great. After all, Adrien has no reason to think that Felix is going to help the super villain. Plus the fact that he just saw Ladybug being so nice to "him" might make him want "Adrien" to stick around so that he can hear some more nice things.

This fix combined with nixing Chat Noir's worst behavior in the final would make the ending message work much better! As is, it makes no sense. Ladybug is apologizing for things that never really happened and Chat Noir was mad over things that weren't actually flaws on Ladybug's part even though this season was full of things that Ladybug did wrong. Of course, the rest of the season still undermines this fixed message, but at least this is better than what canon gave us! Cuter, too. I will always be annoyed that they finally took some time to let Ladybug assure Adrien that Desperada was a fluke only to never let us see him react to that statement. Many viewers probably even missed that she was talking about Desperada since it was subtle:

Ladybug: Awesome! Well done! You did what needed to be done on your first try.

[karmacharmeleon18]

I think it's good to call out the gratuitous amount of SA in this series. Obviously I love these books, I wouldn't be here if I didn't, but there really is far too much SA in them for it to not be criticised. Obviously SA is something that can happen in a story and it's not inherently bad for a writer to include it especially if it is portrayed as a traumatic and evil thing, which for the most part it is. But there's just.... Too much of it. I always had issue with the "I was seven" thing bc it's one random scene that tells us that Drake was in fact NOT the only person to rape Andrew, and it was so unnecessary?? Being raped by one person is traumatic enough, him being raped before at an even younger age added NOTHING to the story other than shock value, especially seeing as it's NEVER mentioned again and Drake is portrayed as the biggest villain of Andrew's past, we don't even know who that other person was. And quite honestly Jean being an SA survivor is unnecessary too, because all the stuff he endured at the nest was already traumatic enough and even without rape he suffered more than any other raven (eg waterboarding). That being said I think the way Nora has handled Jean's SA so far has been okay, not perfect but I don't have major issues personally, but you're absolutely right that the gratuitous amount of SA in these books certainly attracts a certain type of fan. I've seen so many people theorising that characters who haven't canonically been raped actually have and we just don't know about it. Obviously that Thea anon, I've seen people theorising about Neil, and about Jeremy (obviously Jeremy has his own issues with sex, but it's a bit more nuanced than full on rape, I saw people theorising Bryson raped him 🥴). Like, it's enough guys, we don't need every character in this series to be a rape survivor, it's more than enough that BOTH main romances include a rape survivor

Couldn't have said it better 🙌🏾

Jeremy having a history of CSA is actually my biggest FEAR - not a theory or hc tho, just a straight up fear - because I know how much Nora is obsessed with it... and I hate that a fear like this is actually a concrete possibility in this series 😭😭 sometimes I wonder why, why did I have to like a series that inflicts so much emotional damage on me? 🥲

Shock value is honestly the best way to explain how Nora generally handles rape (in the extra content as well). She just sees it as a character trait that makes a character more interesting and it's disturbing at this point

(Especially her obsession with CSA, specifically repeated CSA... what Andrew went through because of the Spears is BAD ENOUGH NORA GODDAMMIT)

One of my biggest thrills for this new series was to see how Nora had matured as a writer and I have to say... not much? Not only writing-style wise (which I actually appreciate, she's consistent and that's good considering the new books are a direct continuation of the old ones) but also in the way she sees these very important, terrible real life issues as just something to use to make her characters interesting...

Rape is not simply something her characters go through.

It's something they need to endure, otherwise she doesn't think they're worth writing about.

(And maybe that's why Thea is such a non-character... she was just in an abusive cult, after all)

That's my biggest issue with her as a writer.

She uses rape not because she wants to portray a character's healing journey, but because rape is needed for them to be her main characters at all. Without it, they wouldn't be interesting enough for her to write about (which she has admitted to in the past)

I hoped we would see a different, more self-aware and respectful side of Nora

But "shock value" and "torture porn" are still the best way to describe her books. Which is why I never recommend them to anyone

I too think the way she handled Jean's history is overall ok. But I have some major issues, namely Grayson and Zane showing up again (Grayson in particular). That was absolutely unnecessary imo and goes back to the gratuitous amounts of sa/mentions of sa 😕

Nora uses rape/the threat of it/mentions of it to continuously torture her characters on page and after a certain point it becomes just exhausting to read

(Drake, Proust, Grayson...)

We get it, Nora. I promise we get it. No need to keep tormenting your characters and us with it.

At this point it's less about a character's healing journey and more about a character's continuous suffering. It does feel like she has a fetish for it :/

[johanna-swann]

Not to make it all about Buck, but the way the character dynamics were portrayed last episode made me so sad for him.

In 8x16 we got the scenes with Maddie and Chimney. Maddie's got her own shit going on, but she took the opportunity of Buck showing up at her house to check in and make him feel seen and loved. Chimney was focused on his own grief, he was angry, he felt guilty, but he didn't put that on Buck. It was a really emotional and great scene that showed Chimney's grief and how he can be open with Buck and accept his advice.

Those scenes perfectly demonstrated Buck following Bobby's "orders" while still giving him connections. But this week I just got the impression that Buck is alone, both from what was directly said and by contrast.

Everybody has someone who they can go to and who will talk to them, even beyond their spouses. Athena has her children, Hen and Karen who all check in with her. Eddie drops by Henren's place and they keep the conversation light, but they can talk openly about several big topics. Chimney gets continued support from his wife, he also spends time with the Wilson-Han children and takes all three of them out to the movies and he briefly chats with Hen.

They all have their own complicated details to work through that could get awkward or even uncomfortable depending on who they bring it up to.

Hen bringing up to Athena how she was offered the Captain's position - meaning she'd replace Bobby in a way - probably made her at least a little nervous, but they talked about it and it was fine. Athena being angry at Chimney is probably complicated for Karen, but she reaches out to Athena about it anyway to make sure she's okay. The way Madney talk about Bobby, how the existence of their kids could've been the detail that convinced Bobby to sacrifice himself, how Maddie is grateful Bobby saved Chim (instead of himself), all of that is emotionally complex and they talk about it. Hen and Karen confront Eddie about his living situation which he explains away quickly and it's no big deal, but they don't just let it slide even though the topic could be difficult for Eddie.

What I mean to say is: These conversations aren't easy. They're complicated and hard and exhausting, but the characters still reach out to each other and take care of each other anyway. Because they love each other and they're family. Sure, Chimney and Athena are at odds right now, but this episode showed again how beautifully interconnected the firefam is. Or can be when the writers decide to show it.

Somehow this doesn't apply to Buck. For some reason he's the one who's too hard to handle, so they don't reach out to him and they don't talk to him and they don't take care of him. And they won't tell us why.

"He spirals after the funeral" -> Okay, so show us the ways in which the team thinks he's spiralling. All I saw and heard about was him checking in on his friends and crying while talking to his dead father figure which a) seems like a very normal thing in that situation, not a spiral, and b) none of his friends know about the confessional.

"He's being weird with this grief assessment thing" -> So they're avoiding him because his grieving is weird? Chimney suddenly took up running which he hates, avoided talking to people and almost missed the funeral to get drunk on vodka instead, but Buck using questions from a psychological questionnaire about grief to check in on his friends is too weird?

Eddie implies that all of them talk about Buck, but not to him because they think it might upset him more. Ergo, they know he's already upset and not okay right now. They're all worried. But if they think he's spiralling and not properly processing his grief, isn't that all the more reason to talk to him?

I think if this was brought up next episode by Buck, maybe him getting angry how no-one will just talk to him, they could do something interesting here, but that's not what's going to happen. At most they will give Buck a moment where he admits to someone that he's been trying to repress his grief, he will cry about Bobby and the person will tell him that he needs to properly grieve because he can't avoid the pain, only delay it. But at this point I'm not even holding my breath for that scene partner to be a family member. They might put the priest in there again for all I know or, hey, maybe another extended family member like Bobby's mom or Mr Lee. Maybe Brad is still around.

Buck feels like the family is falling apart, like they're pulling away, but the truth is that the family is very much still there, meeting for coffe, taking the kids to see a movie, talking about Bobby over baby furniture. The only one they're pulling away from is Buck and it is a blessing that Buck hasn't realised that yet.

[venusfe-art]

I think Morrigan and Jupiter both needed the Darlings sudden appearance to really realise how they were family. They know they love each other but Jupiter has been scared to view himself as Morrigan’s family because he, as he said, was scared it would overwhelm her to call a man she’d just met “uncle” (and that feeling of Morrigan not “belonging” with him as family never really quite went away perhaps?), and Morrigan hasn’t quite understood that found family is just as much family as biological before all the bio-family drama went down and Morrigan and Jupiter had their moment at the end. A HUGE part of her character is missing a functional (in her mind before reading the letters I believe) biological family and being jealous of people with normal childhoods with two parents present who loves them.

THE LETTERS were a huge turning point. She was so furious at Jupiter for keeping the Darling family from her, her biological, maternal family, that when he explained to her his selfish reason for keeping it from her she didn’t quite understand *why* Jupiter was so scared to introduce her to them. When she read the letters she realised that there was also a fear that the Darlings would reject her, which Jupiter had failed to mention (perhaps not realised himself? Or not being able to tell Morrigan because she wasn’t listening)

Morrigan is a teenager! Of course she’s gonna react with big feelings about HUGE LIFE-CHANGING EVENTS! Neither her nor Jupiter handled the situation well. I think Morrigan is a bit rejection sensitive, or, reaction sensitive. She just wants to be able to tell Jupiter things without him telling her how much of a stupid child she is because that’s not how she views herself and she’s genuinely just trying her best. Jupiter says it himself, at multiple occations, he hates to be “the adult”-

I just had a thought as I’m writing this, kind of unrelated to the post itself but related to Jupiter’s “parenting”

Every time Jupiter refers to himself as grown-up and assumes the position of an “adult”, he is stern or frustrated, often raising his voice, and often putting boundaries around Morrigan like house-arrest. I kind of hope we get to know more about his upbringing if that’s how he viewed adults growing up, it’s a little concerning??

But yeah, Morrigan’s rejection sensitivity is so apparent to me because I relate so much to her. It’s not often that I’m scared of having people know things, it’s their *reaction* when telling them that’s the problem. Morrigan being terrified of Jupiter’s REACTION when thinking of telling him about the apprenticeship with Squall, not necessarily him knowing about it or doing anything with the information.

This was a VERY stream-of-conciousness character analysis and speculation lol

I’m so exited for Mog and Uncle Jove’s journey ahead

I saw some people criticizing Silverborn for how Morrigan reacts to Jupiter's perceived betrayal and tbh I think it's perfectly in-character. Morrigan is a traumatized thirteen year old.

Though it's been years since she's been in the Crow household, I think that fear that things are secretly too good to be true is something that sticks with her. There's always that little voice that worries the people she cares about will turn on her. It makes Morrigan react really strongly to perceived betrayal of any sort.

Additionally, I think it makes sense that Morrigan feels strong emotions about her mother and her family since she never knew her. The one thing she has from her mother is her dearly beloved Emmett. Morrigan already is shown having jealousy towards Hawthorne or towards her bothers because they have something she does not. Morrigan wants a "real" family that cares about her, because the Crows weren't it. Deep down Morrigan DOES see Jupiter as her family, but believing he kept her away from her mother's family for his own selfish reasons is something I think is perfectly understandable for her to have an extreme reaction to.

I do hope future books focus a bit less on a major plot point being "Jupiter and Mog can't communicate properly to save their lives", though.

[violentdelightshavevioletends]

“Dain is just an imperfect 21-year-old kid who trusted his dad, and is a little over-protective telling his chronically ill friend to sit the fuck down.”

[charafansmile]

Something about toriel hating the monsters outside of the ruins in similar way to chara hating humanity. Not only does she isolate herself from them, but the ruins monsters are also pretty intimidated by her. if she never made that agreement with sans then im pretty sure there would have been no convincing her to let us leave. Like at all.

God even the queen toriel ending might suck for her just a bit. Imagine being put in charge of your people who betrayed you and are all willing to play niceys NOW after 6 of your kids died (in the name of 2 of them!) and they would've killed the 7th if they didn't befriend everyone! No wonder she got rid of the royal guard and told everyone to be nice and welcoming as far as she would be concerned that's what they should have been doing from the start. I imagine it's very awkward between her and undyne. I know she fires alphys in Canon, but I imagine they would have eventually started to get along and she could join the human fanclub with mettaton. But God it'd probably be so awkward. So so awkward. I really think she develops a great disdain for monster kind during her exile that she has to workout.

I know what she says here is popularly interpreted as the 'them' being asgore/ the royal guard. But it always felt like to me she was referring to monster kind as a whole. (That and if chara has similarities to toriel, it makes sense that toriel would have similarities to them...)

Exiled queen is even WORSE for her cause now that disdain is mutual and the little kid she tried to protect killed people and a war is inevitable at that point. At least with asgore in charge she had the solace that he would be too much of a coward to go through with it. At least she has sans (and sometimes papyrus) in those endings for support but I can't imagine she in any way in a better mental place than before.

[dropthedemiurge]

I was quite busy making all the posts after LFLS bluray with behind the scenes and commentary got into my hands but now I'm back! Eager to rant about one of my favourite episodes in the show!

= My theory about debuffs is really that there's only one valid Affection level that Myungha as a player can operate on: Yeowoon's Affection Level towards him. Of course, we've seen a very sad scene where it was shown that Yeowoon had -100 AL for himself but that was a hint-reward from the game, meanwhile Myungha actively works to collect Affection points from Yeowoon, and the debuffs happen because of negative points + the scale depends on how much into negative points Myungha is (comparing the strange leaf debuff with -5 or smth to him losing conscience on stairs here at -99, just like you guessed right).

And still, Yeowoon didn't hate him as much as he hated himself, 99 vs 100 :')) Fun fact: director said they also used -99 specifically to indicate the affection level scale to viewer, if it'd be -100 you could wonder whether it also can go -200 -300 or else.

I actually wonder what are your headcanons about why Myungha had such a destructive intimidating reputation of a fighter before :]

I'm going to put the rest under the read more so we don't hurt people's wrists when they scroll down xD

= Episode names are related to missions! In direct and non-direct way^^ 발전 means improvement, progress, development but not "gamedev" specifically, game development would be 개발. It's actually interesting how there's a perfect word that works with extra double meaning effect in English! Here, imo the title means again Myungha's progress with Yeowoon, with Yeowoon finally going into positive affection level and becoming his 'upgraded' clingy version.

= I actually don't remember the scene of hopping the wall well because I never noticed how Myungha actually had a cast(?) on his left leg. But he's clearly wearing it in bts video. (and I finally had an answer how Yeowoon could worry about Myungha's leg just by looking at it under the table and not hearing from others)

Ehem, I went to find the bts video and got distracted by the actors being absolutely cute and hilarious in their adlibs (Also there was a funny moment when Taevin thought a bug flew into his "cast" and he freaked out shaking his leg lol). Ehem, I'm back. And I guess he might've just sprained his ankle a little bit.

Sangwon, my beloved<3 I absolutely ADORE his smug "Hi~" every time. That's such a brilliant little detail from the actor that gives this character such fun personality. Also fun fact from cast interviews: Minsu (Sangwon's actor) would keep talking to director even right after they finish script reading, and he'd write a lot of in-depth analyse notes about his character, that's why Sangwon is so charming and he's not a simple third wheel love blocking side character like in many other shows.

= The "disease" in Korean is used in casual speech a lot. I'm not sure why were you looking for a different translation, but it's something like 'illness, being sick'. Any obsessive trait can be a 'disease/illness'. It's also often used in phrase like 'celebrity disease' (when you're full of yourself and think you're the biggest star), or being too nosy, or thinking the world revolves around you (that's the same word that Myungha said about Kyunghoon's sister at first when she thought he might be interested in her).

[Very random offtop: I also love roasting/teasing humor (with no negative feelings) with my friends, and I grew up in such companies - with all engineers and IT people in school and uni who love a good intellectual or worplay or simply witty jab, it was so joyful to bicker and everyone knew it wasn't serious - but then I reunited with my best friend since elementary school who went to study humanitarian and philology in uni. And I'm not trying to stereotype guys vs girls or tech vs culture, btw - she said her uni classmates were full of vicious sarcastic subtext or roasting each other and it felt like bullying. So for a couple of years we constantly hurt each other because our ways of communicating meant very different things, it took some adjusting. Which is a life lesson but also - I definitely feel you wanting more of this fun bickering energy in your life!]

>The show isn't really SAYING any of this at the moment. <

That's the fun part! This show is actually saying a lot on the level under the surface, and you can trust a lot of things that slowly get connected, like Sangwon being dismissed by his mom at school and immediately seeing Yeowoon with new shoes, to him rolling his eyes to the sky and skipping school to support Yeowoon (because it probable made him feel bad). A lot of scenes are connected to each other with invisible thread, CG and props, it's hard to tell if you don't know the language but there's also a lot of throwbacks/connections in the words they use; the way the actors use microexpressions in important scenes - it's also all very deliberate job that took them long analysis and in-depth thoughts as they shared... Which is not me saying all your headcanons are correct, I'm just saying if you want to guess something based on reactions – you should stop doubting yourself because there are almost no random choices or sloppy editing/acting decisions and this show doesn't feel the need to spell out every single thing to a viewer - but not to the point where you get confused :D Feel free to go wild with theories and interpretations! I love how you're already doing that.

= I would actually love seeing other people's affection of me above their heads, feels like a very useful thing that can save a lot of anxiety and stress that comes with communication's vague nature...

Yes! Blue shoes and Yeowoon changing his behavior so drastically also made me feel like it's a new evolution, character level up and unlocking of new interactions/etc :D Btw I'm not sure if you noticed or just wrote your reaction post this way, but Affection Level actually changed from 0 to 1 right when Yeowoon crossed the finish line. That's why Myungha had such an interesting relief-hope-joy face despite Yeowoon coming in third (yeah, subs were weird). Taevin said he thought a lot what should character feel and express, finally seeing Affection level going from 0 to 1.

And yes, Yeowoon starts talking more about romance too, implying about his hidden feelings and trying to stop Myungha from causing them if he doesn't mean it.

Director said the four characters eating together is her favourite scene in the show (if you don't count romance specifically) and I fully agree. The bickering! The caring! The love of friendship and found family! The romantic notes!

I already tagged you in my linguistic posts but briefly, Sangwon talks respectfully to Myungha but sometimes he slips and there's a form of question that can feel a bit rude, especially if you don't add honorific ending, and that's why Yeowoon was already 'hey, watch your tone!' over just one phrase, and Sangwon said 'did I talk rudely to you?" - "be rude (speak informally) only with me" - "I am already rude with you!" this is SO HILARIOUS I love all of them. It's perfectly normal between same age people tho, so it's not like Sangwon and Yeowoon are too rude to each other as well, frenemy perfectly describes them xD

= Yes, the guys were talking about Myungha 'leaning' on them or help holding him so he doesn't put more strain on his hurt leg. Hold him up? I wonder what'd be the best alternative in English.

= ALSO I JUST WANT TO SAY. YOU'RE A GENIUS!! I've never noticed the butterflies in the script or Myungha's journal, and I've been rewatching this show for so many times (I blame the poor quality of available videos online but now I got bluray discs and damn I can even see each scar and stubble on Myungha's face). I loved your interpretations - I know of different symbolism for butterflies so it was interesting to see your side of knowledge! There was also a flower in this Senior & Myungha in a Bar location at the very first episode, not sure if it's seen now, but it also had a nice meaning (which I forgot but I can look it up once you finish this show).

Yes, the questions are what Myungha gave his answers to and what pop up in the game! I think I also translated some of them - or maybe I can do it when I rewatch the show in better resolution if you're curious xD Not all of them appear as game elements/missions.

(also one stab for your roommate for breaking the glass you liked)

= It's funny how the translation was a bit weird but you interpreted it correctly in your reaction. Senior has said "the world happiness is a bit too vague, so the standard is important" (aka what exactly will make you or someone else happy? how do you measure or decide the happiness is reached or found? In a game, you need to gather or reach a specific quote for developers to announce that mission is completed).

Also offtop, this talk made me remember a moment from my other fandom that I really love – when after many hardships iKON released a song that was loved by entire country and it won "song of the year" award. leader B.I gave a speech and said "The word happiness is too vague, so I hope you guys feel like it is worth living every day". I don't know why but this phrase stuck with me and I felt the same gentle hope in Senior's words to Myungha. What is the standard of happiness to you? What small things can make you feel like every day is worth living?

You get it in your reaction, so I don't need to add anything else :D Actually, if you know Korean, you can guess what Senior tells Myungha next even with muffled effect. It doesn't feel like a huge spoiler or critical information to me, so I can tell you in replies if you want to continue theorizing? Or you can simply continue watching the show :D

= Tbh, Myungha was weirded out a little bit in first episode, to me he just strikes as a person who quickly adapts to situations - as we see him immediately get part-time jobs or quickly come up with white lies on the spot. But him not remembering who the senior is exactly adds a lot of fun mystery that surrounds the game and the debuffs and vague missions. I wish I could theorize about Myungha and the show ending but I know the direction the show is going to, so I might have to omit it x)

I didn't actually notice video game sound in the scene with Kyunghoon! :0 I might have to rewatch LFLS once again *fake reluctant sigh* There is constant waterish muffled sound though when Myungha transitions from game world to his memories/real world, it sounds the same every time, I think, yeah!

Again, to me Myungha didn't feel guilty for lying but rather it was the bittersweet feeling of not having enough time, he's reminded again about some threat looming over him if he doesn't finish the mission in time so he can't really join Kyunghoon in joyfully planning hangouts in university. (because of how connected the scenes are one after another, penalty reminder > countdown > and then talking about future. LFLS really loves to hit us with the bitter layer in fun scenes huh)

Again, I tagged you in my retranslation/explanation for the fighting scenes with bullies for Myungha and Sangwon so I'm going to skip my comments but I love you pointing out how Kyunghoon is stepping out to protect Myungha! It really feels like an important change, and I didn't connect the dots fully before. Remember how Yeowoon also said he wants Myungha to lean on him and to be equal, while Myungha came in as everyone's protector ? Yeah. I LOVE THEM ALL

How much would you bet that blondie Joonho is actually closeted?xD With the way he reacts fiercely about any implications - very homophobic but something in those also tells me he could be contemplating this kiss and how it felt somewhen when he's alone and doesn't have to pose as Big Bad Bully :D My own headcanon lol

Or do other people see this as just a friendly interaction? Because things would not end well if my friend rubbed my head and used that tone with me. I'd see it as condescending for sure.

That's so fascinating! To me, Myungha gently patting Yeowoon's nape was a sign of care and teasing, he's like 'uwu yes, you're big and strong and will kill everyone for me'. Like you'd say to a kid who's making great great promises and really insisting they'd get you a moon for your next birthday. Like, it's very affectionate but not seriously believing in Yeowoon's words. Which can be seen as condescending but I don't read it at that level at all, there's no malice in his words or gesture that could make Yeowoon feel bad or offended - in my view. Maybe he'll pout a little because Myungha still can't step down from his guardian pedestal.

But it does feel like he's out of the loop. It feels more like he's invading their space. He's not part of the hierarchy of this group. The uniforms vs. plain shirt is visually depicting that as well.

I'm actually still contemplating Sangwon's role himself. On one hand, in first episode the gang boys said 'we should let Sangwon know when we're about to ambush someone cuz he doesn't like when we're doing things beside his back' which makes it feel like he's the true leader, and he was sitting down on a rooftop watching the bullying unfold after he was just hanging out with Kyunghoon, but also here it seems like he just comes and goes as he pleases, maybe looking for entertainment or respect from others, and the real chaos and fighting and bullying always comes from Joonho and the track boys he enables. (I just noticed everyone is looking at Sangwon with 'how dare you?' eyes and only Joonkyung is looking at his blondie brother in a worry. He does seem like he was an actual friend of Sangwon)

The bi lighting of Sangwon when he hears about the kiss and admits he has gay feelings himself!! Fascinating, isn't it? Tbh, in first script reading Minsu had a different reaction with the same words. When Joonho said "What the hell are you saying? (being on Myungha side and not his) You're not even a faggot." and in the show, Sangwon tilts his head and goes "I am a faggot, though?" but in first script reading it was more like Sangwon laughed at first and then self-realization came right at that moment (I can't post video in reblog but I'll try to describe). Same words, but with different intonation the translation would be "Faggot... that's me, though?" Which made me go feral, because the way he said the line give very different energies, and I kinda love that we didn't get 'Oh.' moment but instead got the badass unapologetic confession about his feelings like there's nothing shameful. Anyway, legendary moment.

In Korean, there isn't truly clear 'Si' sound, somehow it always comes with an "h", like 'Shi' so both Shia and Sia is correct in transcription, subtitles probably just didn't have glossary to write the name the same way every episode. The S sounds with a/y/i/e also why I'm struggling because my nickname in my Korean company has both clear "Sa" and less clear "Sha" but they don't have direct 'sha'! They always pronounce it as "shya/shia" and it drives me insane cuz it sounds like a 3yo kid says my name but it's my 50+yo boss.

Anyway, I have to go out in 10 minutes again so I'll try to wrap up quickly (why does it always take me a couple of hours to write my own comments on your comments lol? I'm sorry)

Yeowoon said that he's annoyed. Myungha says "he's been rude lately". Did he drop honorifics?

Yes, he did! Or more like, not honorifics this time, he says "You're annoying, Tae Myungha". And you don't address someone older than you in their full name without any honorific suffixes! It should be Myungha-hyung or Myungha-sunbaenim, but Yeowoon pouts and says "TAE MYUNGHA" imagine your parents scolding you by using your full name. Seriously, Yeowoon cares a lot about being polite to Myungha (to the point that he very rarely closes the distance and calls Myungha Hyung instead of Senior (unlike Sangwon who started immediately claiming Hyung)), he only drops to informal speech when Myungha keeps the distance despite all Yeowoon efforts to get closer (like when he asked who hurt Myungha and Myungha joked away, or the same here)

It's a bit of a kabedon moment with the tree. I'm enjoying it, because as confident as Myungha was when he kissed Joonho, he's not confident at all here. He's flustered.

LMAO FUN FACT Taevin specifically clarified that he has to close his mouth with a hand when Yeowoon kabedons Myungha against the tree, and immediately in the very first take he totally forgot to cover his mouth and just kept staring in Yeowoon's eyes like 🥺 and then tried to explain it as he was too surprised by the advances, oh boy, he's also down bad, even more than his own characters xD (again, can't put videos on tumblr reblog sigh...)

The messages will definitely appear again but also you made me cry with 'no trail that brings me to you.' too т___Т it's so bittersweet and sad but also beautiful.

I also have never known any symbolism for seagulls. Not in Korea, not in my own country. It's so interesting, I should definitely research more to see whether your interpretation has any meaning for Korean people!

Yeowoon says he now understands why Myungha likes the sea. Did Myungha say he liked the sea? I don't remember that. 🤔 It could be in an earlier episode, or I could have overlooked it.

I feel like they might've cut it out from the script later (let me consult my script book in Korean that I also bought - why do I feel ashamed but also ehem. I will check.) Because I'm also sure they didn't outright say Myungha liked sea but also the question "Sea or Mountains?" is a very popular 'personality division' question in Korea so it could be implied in the moment when Yeowoon says he likes mountains and wants to climb one (meaning Myungha preferred the second option).

I'm laughing at how much you're thinking whether the sound is water or not or if it means something or not xD Oh, to be obsessed with details~ I think this show is not specifically color coded too (but Myungha does always wear black shirt under his school uniform unlike others) but I might be wrong...

Let's gooo learn about Sangwon a bit more in the next episode! 👀👀 I will patiently wait for your next reaction~

Catching Up: Love for Love's Sake (Ep 4)

Other Reacts: Ep 1 Ep 2 Ep 3

Yes, it's 3:15 in the morning. Yes, I have to work tomorrow. No, I can't even sleep in because I have to interview a potential intern at 9 am. Plus, the kids will be home with me too since it's a school holiday. I don't care. I'm starting episode 4 anyways.

And yay! We've went back to the fight. I was hoping we would find out more about what happened.

Is this a new way for them to do the subtitle for "debuff/curse". I guess that's fine so that people who don't understand gaming get it. It feels a little late in the game for that though. Still, I loved this screenshot, because you can see the transition that's a bit gamified. And the purple aura energy is showing up on Yeowoon's arm.

We didn't have any debuffs last episode so I guess the debuff really does relate to affection of Myungha and not Yeowoon's personal affection. Fine. I'll exit my clown car theory about the debuffs....for now. Outside of my clown car, it makes sense that the debuff would show up now since Myungha's affection level just plummeted.

Myungha absorbs the debuff. Yeowoon is left in shock. He definitely is feeling rejected/slighted at this point.

Myungha is dragging Sangwon through the halls. Sangwon says "I'm not a kid." I'd be careful Sangwon. That line of thinking means he can hit you. I know Myungha knows how to fight, but I do wonder more and more every episode about "why" he fought. I'm already developing a lot of head canons on that score. Maybe we'll find out eventually though.

He's not going to hit him (not that I thought he ACTUALLY would anyways), because we now have a ringing sound. I'm guessing the debuff is having an effect. He absorbed all the bad purple energy, and it was STRONG this time base on his -99. Was the -99 in red last episode? If not, it should've been. Sorry, random thought.

Myungha falls down the stairs.

I've given up on the episode names being strictly related to missions. The gamer in me though is going to retranslate this as "progress". That feels better in gamification terms. Especially if it's talking about progress in the mission quest. I obviously have no clue whether that is right. Wait. Unless they're talking about aspects of the game being "in development" like new code/levels being written or the story being redeveloped/changed. Hmm. That actually feels likely. We'll stick with development.

KYUNGHOON! You're back. I missed you so much. I'm guessing they're having to skip class to go to the competition. Apparently, Myungha has hurt his leg. Kyunghoon struggles to get over the wall. Based on how Myungha hopped the wall, I'm guessing it's the right leg that's hurt. But Myungha's leg obviously wasn't THAT badly hurt. It didn't look like he tried to favor one leg more in the landing. Guess that could depend on the type of injury though. My perspective is probably skewed. I've dislocated kneecaps more times than I wish to recount. I definitely wouldn't have made it over the wall shortly after one of those times. My personality is such though that I'd have doubled down and probably hurt myself more while trying. Lol.

Sangwon is waiting on the other side of the wall. I loved his "hi". Kyunghoon asks if he was waiting. Myungha says it's a "disease". It works, but I wonder if there is a different translation of that word. They've used it several times. It was also used in a very similar way during Secret Relationships ("being nosy is a disease").

Sangwon says he was just late to school. It's coincidence that they met up. I love that he's somewhat "talking back" to Myungha. But I also have a very sarcastic/roast style sense of humor. These types of exchanges always make my day. I wish I had more of that energy in my life.

Kyunghoon asks about the shoes, and Sangwon realizes that he had made a mistake. I didn't mention it last episode as the post was already getting really long. But my guess is that Sangwon was upset about the shoes, because he thought that his mom gave them to Yeowoon. His mom had just been to the school after all, and it appears like they have a complicated relationship. I'm guessing there's a lack of affection there too based on Sangwon's reactions to Myungha's signs of care. This is all conjecture on my part. The show isn't really SAYING any of this at the moment.

But now he knows the shoes weren't from his mom. It's okay Sangwon. I made several bad calls in the last episode too. Sangwon decides to follow.

And just like that, we have a gaming party embarking on a quest.

Our trio notices that Yeowoon is standing instead of taking his place on the blocks. Is he wearing the blue shoes? It looks like it. Myungha is still outside of the love supremacy zone, but he yells Yeowoon's name. I'm taking note that his number is 251 just in case it pops back up at some point. I loved the sound effect as the camera circled around and Yeowoon realized his name was being called.

Yeowoon is recalculating his affection, and the number starts moving up fast. Lol. This feels very much like love indeed. Highs and lows and emotional turbulence. Some might say that's the fickle nature of teenage affection. I'd say that doesn't ever really change. But maybe that's just the nature of my personal relationship talking. Maybe it'd help if we had affection scores above our head so we'd both know when we screwed up. On second thought, I don't think I'd want to know my score. That feels like a recipe for disaster.

Yeowoon takes his place at the blocks with magic sparkles coming off of his blue shoes. The affection level keeps rising.

If this wasn't a "game", the new shoes would be disastrous in a competition. But as I've thought about it, I actually like that this feels like an equipment upgrade in a game. Higher tier equipment immediately leads to better outcomes in a game assuming you have the skills to use it.

The music reminds me of late 90s/early 2000s movies. I kind of love it since we're panning across Sangwon and Kyunghoon's faces, and it feels like a friend montage moment out of one of those types of "high school" movies. Ah nostalgia.

Affection level is back at 0. The subtitles say Yeowoon is second, but I'm guessing he's actually third. They announced two other names before him.

Yep, he's third place based on the next part of the dialogue. Myungha says he did well. Yeowoon is crying, but Myungha definitely doesn't understand the reason. Yeowoon is trying to figure out why Myungha is nice to him.

Poor boy is definitely dealing with romantic feelings now. I'm loving the romance driven emotional angst of it all. This is my cup of tea.

The coach interrupts. Yeowoon is still emotional, but Myungha says he'll wait. They can eat together afterwards. Yes, please do. I'm always going to be down for a shared meal.

Yay! Our whole crew is EATING together! And Yeowoon is smiling.

Yeowoon tells Myungha to eat too and gives him food. OMG - our affection level has crossed the zero threshold. We're now at 5. And it keeps climbing as he keeps giving Myungha food. Lol. Kyunghoon tells Myungha to eat slowly and Sangwon's face is priceless! He seems absolutely disgusted by Yeowoon's actions. We end on an affection level of 17 for now.

Sangwon and Yeowoon are bickering. I love it. so. much. Frenemy relationships are the best. I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops moving forward.

For those that like talks about linguistics, they said a bit about honorifics too. If I followed it correctly, Sangwon used more casual speech with Myungha and Yeowoon didn't like it. I could be mistaken though. Myungha really is the exasperated parent here. Lol. Cutie Kyunghoon helps Myungha out. He is worried that Yeowoon's feet might hurt since he ran with new shoes.

Yeowoon says he's fine, but he asks what happened to Myungha's leg.

🤣 This pout had me dying. For the game aspect, it really is like now that his "affection level" has went up, it's unlocked all kinds of new dialogue/expression options.

I wonder if Myungha realizes that his leg getting hurt was due to the purple energy. He's a smart cookie. I bet he's figured that out.

This whole scene just put me in a good mood.

Yeowoon offers to help "hold" Myungha. I'm betting there's a better translation of that. Kyunghoon used the term earlier too. I bet it has to do with letting Myungha lean on him or something like that rather than "hold" as I typically interpret. Myungha says he fine.

Yeowoon wants Myungha to rely on him too. This is a tricky situation. Yeowoon wants them to be EQUALS, but Myungha is definitely going to struggle with that. Myungha has taken on a caretaker role, and while those things aren't mutually exclusive, it can make things complex.

Yeowoon asks how Myungha knows his (shoe) size. Myungha says he let the fan (sis) pick it out, and that she wants to meet Yeowoon. Yeowoon doesn't seem happy about Myungha hanging out with her often, but he agrees to meet up with Si-a.

Yeowoon has essentially walked Myungha home. He tells him thank you which Myungha teases him about. But he says it again and leaves.

The entry light starts flickering and there are some jarring sounds. Ominous music plays, and Myungha's head is hurting.

OOOOOOH. It WAS development like "game in development". Exciting.

We're back at the bar from episode 1. Senior is asking Myungha questions.

I first noticed the three butterflies in the corner of the paper. It shouldn't be a surprise given my blog name that I'm likely to notice butterflies. They're a symbol of transformation and personal growth. Actually, they have different stages of development just like a game. A butterfly's development requires they insulate themselves from the world and focus on changing themselves before they can emerge in their final form. I don't know whether that has anything to do with this show or not though.

But these questions are interesting. Yes, I used my phone to translate. Though it kept giving slightly different translations depending on the angle I held it, I think I got the gist of it. One of the things says "like minded friends" which was what the quest said in episode 2. If I remember correctly, that was in Myungha's hand writing. So is senior having Myung-ha essentially write the game levels? I had said in an earlier episode that this was really a quest for Myungha's own happiness as well.

It WAS his writing. I love this shot. It feels like a magic dungeon with the candles and lighting. The shape of the glass is nice. I think it's a glencairn whiskey glass. Actually no. The base is wrong. It doesn't matter. The glass itself is probably not symbolic. I just find certain types of glassware pretty. As a fun side note, I used to drink everything (soda, milk, etc.) out of a red wine glass that I got while dumpster diving in college. I loved that beautiful glass. My roommate eventually broke it "on accident", but said it was "probably for the best" so that people didn't think I was drinking alcohol. Fun times 🙄.

It's late/early. I'm rambling. *Focus brain*

Senior is in white as the "heavenly" being with the power. Am I supposed to trust him? I don't. But it feels like he's God/angel coded.

"Will there be happiness to 29 year old Tae Myungha?"

"So the standard is very important." says Senior.

Myungha doesn't hear him clearly, and we can't hear his next line clearly either. He's muffled as if he's under water. It's the same sound as when he first entered the game world.

This feels important, and it feels mistranslated. Or at least like it was translated without the needed nuance. I need to pause anyways. I'm tired enough that I know I'll miss details if I keep going tonight.

(pause)

Ok. I've slept a few hours and hung out with the kids for a bit. I've mulled it over. I'm guessing that senior is really meaning that Myungha needs to be very careful about what goals/words he's using. Happy is a pretty vague term. I actually walked down the aisle to a song called "Different Kinds of Happy" from the movie Sweet Land. The idea/theme in that movie is that happiness can take different forms and mean different things to different people. In a game, if you don't have a clearly defined objective, then it's going to be difficult to meet it. So what does Myungha actually mean by "happy"?

But Myungha "can't hear" what senior is telling him. Myungha, and us by extension, are missing a critical piece of information. I'm guessing it has to do with the standard/clearer objective or that it's a warning of some kind.

We're back in the video game world. Myungha is looking at his notes.

AND OMG - YES! HOORAY! A time jump/alternate world that GETS how problematic it is for a 29 year old to be suddenly back in high school. The dialogue is clearly establishing that he IS 19 in this world. It's how I had resolved it mentally myself in episode 2. I love it when my head canons become actual canon.

Anyways, it's a good question. What CAN he do? Because "making someone happy" on a identity level scale really isn't easy. I would argue that it's not actually possible. That they have to strive for their own happiness as they accept themselves. It's not just circumstances that's driving Yeowoon's mental disdain for himself. New shoes are great, but they're not a long term solution. When you're dealing with suicidal ideation the other person has to "want" to live. A lot of times they don't even realize it until the moment. Yeah, it wasn't my grandfather's first attempt before he succeeded. My brother's neither. So far my brother has always decided he wanted to live and sought help in time.

I love that Myungha is being smart about this. He goes "What does he WANT me to do?" If you're playing a game, that's an important question. It's anticipating the game maker's design. I am noticing that the butterfly is on the journal paper here. But it's only one this time, and it's in the top right corner instead of the bottom corner.

Now THAT'S interesting. He doesn't remember "senior". There are a lot of fun implications in this development, but I'll have to stop for now. It looks like my husband has got off of work early today. It's a national holiday. I should've expected it. This will have to wait until after everyone is asleep tonight. I didn't get very far in this session, but it's fine. I really should've been working/writing anyways. I have five scripts due in the next two weeks.

(pause)

Well...the emoji tag game happened, and I got a wee bit carried away with it. I loved it so much. But then my brain was broke so it's taken a few days to get back here.

The fact that Myungha doesn't remember "senior" from his real life is a cool detail. I had said I thought it was in odd in episode 1 that he wasn't weirded out by the situation. It could mean that ONLY senior is obscured. Or it could mean that the facts of his "future" will slowly disappear as he creates a new story leaving him only with the 19 year old version of Myungha. There are a few other possibilities too, but I'll go with those two for now. I actually like the latter one in some ways. I don't remember if he recalled senior once he entered the video game during episode 1. That would provide evidence for which possible interpretations to keep moving forward. I might have to go back and check that out.

Regardless, we know this memory was jarring. The question is what triggered the memory.

We're down to 288 days left to complete our mission so a good bit of time has passed, and we're reminded that death is the penalty. We still don't know whose death we're talking about though.

We cut to Kyunghoon and Myungha walking down the hall together. Myungha is complaining that the teacher treats him like a thug. Kyunghoon proposes that they go to college together, drink together and have fun together in the future. I love the video game sound effects in the music/soundtrack.

OH! Random thought. I wonder if those sound effects show up at critical/specific moments. Is this like the rain drops in When It Rains or just a fun part of the soundtrack? Sound analysis is tricky for me, but it can add a lot to a show. And I LOVE it when sound is used symbolically. That would require an entire rewatch though as I'd have to focus just on the sound. I'll try to make note of it moving forward though to see if I can find a pattern. I can't promise I'll catch it every time though.

Hold up. We HAVE had a sound. The freaking water. I said before that it sounded like water when Myungha is shifting between worlds. That's definitely a specific sound at critical moments. Is that significant? Is it even water? Stop brain. You know your hearing can't be trusted. Move on.

Myungha is obviously uncomfortable here. Probably because he knows that he doesn't have that kind of time. He was just reminded of the countdown. It could also be because he didn't have that kind of life in the past. I don't know if he has those resources in the current videogame timeline either. Money isn't an obstacle for Kyunghoon. But it will be for Myungha and Yeowoon. But I figure it's that he feels like he's lying to Kyunghoon by agreeing to a future that may not exist. Yeowoon has already called him a liar after all.

Ah, the bullies are circling for blood. Frizzy blond guy asks Myungha if he's gay and is obviously intimidating Kyunghoon. Myungha says "I'm gay. So what." That's the confidence of someone who is very comfortable with themselves. I wonder if he was always that way, or if this is a manifestation of him already working through that part of his identity in the "real world".

Cutie Kyunghoon steps in between to protect Myungha 🙌🙌🙌. This is VERY important. Why? Because it's a dynamic shift. Myungha is collecting people in his life that care about him too and who will stand up for him even if it's risky. He's gathering "like minded friends" as well.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Myungha kisses the bully.

Should I be laughing? Probably not. This is a forced kiss. But AM I laughing? 100% yes. And all of the bully gang not knowing how to respond is epic.

Blond guy is rightfully angry, and Myungha just scolds him for swearing. What I love about this interaction is that it quickly and decidedly shifted who was the "victim" in this interaction.

Blond guy - Tak ...Joonho? It'll eventually stick with me. Anyways, he punches Myungha and we see Myungha deftly assert his dominance. He threatens to kiss him again.

This is the second interaction where Myungha has really shown this guy to be pretty pathetic. As he seems to be a leader in this "gang", he's probably not going to react to this well. He wouldn't be able to keep power over his bully gang if he ignored things like this. I'd expect backlash soon. He'll either take it out on his own members or start targeting people Myungha cares about (Yeowoon, Kyunghoon). Potentially both. If he comes after Myungha himself, it will be sneaky style. He can't (or shouldn't) risk another direct confrontation like this one. He's already lost twice.

Teacher intervenes. Apparently Myungha has got some type of cleaning duty punishment.

Yeowoon is on the other side of the window being cleaned. I'm trying to figure out if Yeowoon had heard about the fight or he just noticed Myungha's busted lip. Either way, his expressions here are KILLING me. They are so earnest and so different than what we had in previous episodes. The rise in affection level has definitely had an impact.

Myungha tries to brush it off, but Yeowoon won't let him. "Who hit you?" Myungha tells him he doesn't need to know.

Yeowoon gets very serious. Just like that earlier interaction with Kyunghoon, this is actually very important. Yeowoon is asking to be seen as an equal. As someone that Myungha can rely on. He's asking Myungha to trust him. Ooh interesting. Yeowoon dropped honorifics.

Yeowoon drags Myungha to the nurse's office. It's a reverse of care. Yeowoon taking care of Myungha. I mean, technically Yeowoon had intervened before. However, this is DIRECT care. Yeowoon asks if he's really not going to tell him. Myungha responds "What would you do if you knew?". Yeowoon - "I'll kill him". 🥹 Yes, I'm taking the threat as a squee worthy moment. There was no hesitation. Just a direct assertion of "you matter to me that much".

Myungha rubs his head.

I'm going to have to think about this one. Why is this man's physical affection so hard for me to interpret? This feels like a parent/child interaction to me. Which...is possible. Is he in guardian mode? Trying to calm Yeowoon down while acknowledging that he's grateful for Yeowoon caring about him? Or do other people see this as just a friendly interaction? Because things would not end well if my friend rubbed my head and used that tone with me. I'd see it as condescending for sure. But cultural differences could be in play here. I'm going with guardian mode.

Myungha says that rather than hit, it's more like we kissed. And Yeowoon's reaction is amazing.

Myungha is flustered by Yeowoon's reaction. Yeowoon has to be cycling through all kinds of feelings. One - this gives him hope. Two - Myungha was kissing someone besides him.

So many thoughts running through this boy's mind.

He says he should ask Tak Joonho. That means he DOES know who was involved, but he wanted Myungha to confide in him on his own. "Can men kiss too?" "I want to kiss him" while staring at Myungha's lips and putting on the ointment. Baby boy is down bad.

We cut to Sangwon coming towards the bully gang. There's the "hi" again. Love it. But it does feel like he's out of the loop. It feels more like he's invading their space. @dropthedemiurge I see what you meant now. He's not part of the hierarchy of this group. The uniforms vs. plain shirt is visually depicting that as well. That does make me have some questions about the earlier rooftop scene, but I'll hold them for now.

Did he come because he had heard about the fight? Or is this just part of his routine? He does seem to do whatever he wants. Case in point - he didn't come to class just because he didn't want to. Skipping seems to be a regular occurrence for him.

Tak Joonho says that he's going to teach Myungha/Kyunghoon a lesson. Sangwon is trying to put the pieces together. I do find it odd that Joonho is openly admitting that Myungha kissed him. I would've expected him to threaten the others and keep that quiet. Unless he's expecting Sangwon to commiserate with him and understand.

Not happening though. Sangwon is clearly on Myungha's side in this one. I figure he knows Tak Joonho enough to know he instigated whatever happened. The chuckling of the other students as Sangwon pushes back has got to raise Joonho's ire.

Tak Joonho thinks Sangwon is teasing him, but he's actually angry.

I'm rewording this line a little bit in my head to fit better with that sassy head tilt that just made me so happy. In some ways, it's a lot like Myungha earlier. "Yes. I am. What are you going to do about it?" It's a statement and a challenge.

Unlike Myungha, Sangwon does punch Joonho and IMMEDIATELY puts his hands back in his pockets. LMAO. That's a dominance signal right there. He knows Joonho isn't going to immediately punch back. He doesn't see him as a threat.

Joonho says he's holding back because he's rich. Sure you are. Keep telling yourself that. Kyunghoon seems to be pretty rich too, and you tease him just fine.

Note - I do realize that they've said that Sangwon can get away with everything due to his family. I'm sure it does play some role. But it's not everything. Sangwon is exuding dominance in this situation. He's even leaning in a mock little bow and saying "thank you" in a snarky tone. God, I love him and his self-confidence. He has grown on me so much, and I'm only halfway through this show.

Joonho asks if he can't see that he's outnumbered.

Sangwon (in other words): Bring it.

I'm sorry. I've tried to ignore that hideous wall color this entire show, but now we've added what has to be one of the ugliest arrangements known to mankind in front of it. I'm sure there are people who like that kind of thing, but it just makes me wonder why someone thought a feather duster was appealing. Normally I would be trying to figure out if the red meant something, but I just can't. It's an eyesore.

Is Si-a considered part of our gaming party now. I'm not sure. 🤔 They're collectively worrying about Sangwon though.

Si-a asks if Myungha wants to be a model for Swoony (the brand). The pay is better after all. Pay is always an enticing thing.

Myungha tells Si-a to buy him dinner. I'm confused. Why does he want Si-a to buy him dinner? 🤔 Myungha doesn't do things without a purpose. What's the catch?

LMAO. It's because Yeowoon is here. He's giving her the fangirl moment. Yes, she better buy the meal. A good one too.

Wait. Her name has an "h" sound? The subtitles now say "Shi-a". Did I miss that before? No. I'm pretty sure that's a change in subtitles.

Yeowoon looks ticked. My guess is that he thought he was going to get to eat with Myungha alone. He wouldn't be reacting like this if he had known it'd be a fangirl moment. Yeowoon is being very terse. Yes, he seems to be a more introverted, private person. But this is what you do when you're thrown for a loop. Myungha, you really need to give us introverts a heads up for these types of situations. Especially true if you gave us false expectations and now expect us to socialize with someone we are not comfortable around.

I'm still bitter over there being no food at the company meal that I drove two hours to yesterday. Don't promise me food and then give me a non-alcoholic beer instead. Shared meals are sacred. Oh...it's probably this kind of stuff that prompted the anon's "what's with you and food" question the other day. I get it now. Sorry anon. I didn't understand what you were asking.

I'm squirreling. None of that's really relevant. Yeowoon is just upset because he expected alone time with Myungha (pretty sure on that one), and he isn't getting it.

This conversation is awkward. Si-a signals Myungha to please help. Myungha asks Yeowoon if he has any questions. "Are you two close?" I've said all along that I love how direct Yeowoon is with Myungha. If he has questions, he is going to ask them. It's admirable, but lol. He's not looking at Si-a at all. Yeowoon is grilling Myungha.

Myungha responds playfully and tries to direct the conversation back to Si-a. I actually see that as a way of trying to include her in the conversation. He was trying to create a fan moment for her after all. Si-a says they're just colleagues which Yeowoon smiles about. But then Myungha protests that designation.

Yeowoon didn't like that at all. 🤣 "Are you closer to her than you are to me?" I love that Si-a can see this is important to Yeowoon. She's giving Myungha this look that's like "You idiot. Don't you dare make my blorbo upset!"

Myungha says "I only have Yeowoon in my heart" which makes Yeowoon beam. Si-a takes the opportunity to ask for an autograph. Si-a, I know I struggled with you in earlier episodes. I'm sorry. I can respect your non-toxic, supportive fangirl side.

"What do you think of when you run?" "I imagine there's a big crocodile chasing me." Well...that would be motivation I guess. I never imagined what was behind me when I ran. I was always focused on the finish line. Different things for different people I guess.

Ok Yeowoon. Let's not manifest that energy. There are too many trucks of doom in dramaland. And I've had two of my family members hit by vehicles. They survived, but they still have side effects. My brother got hit by a car while he was INSIDE a building.

Anyways, Yeowoon is saying that the vision has changed. He now imagines that someone is waiting for him at the finish line.

Sweet. I wish I knew what his personal affection was at this point though. We're seeing the impact of Myungha's affection level changing in his mannerisms and dialogue, but has it impacted how he sees himself?

Si-a says that's romantic, and Myungha breaks eye contact and visibly shifts. Lol. He felt that one.

We cut to them walking home. Yeowoon tries to ask Myungha about Joonho again, but Myungha says that Yeowoon isn't allowed to say kiss.

We got confirmation that Yeowoon thought it was going to be the two of them. Myungha chastises him a bit saying he needs friends. That's really not the point Myungha.

Yeowoon said that he's annoyed. Myungha says "he's been rude lately". Did he drop honorifics?

Yeowoon says "I want to go play with you". My kinky brain takes that line a completely different way that intended. But he's asking him out really. I LOVE this frame. There's a blinding light of love, but it's mostly over Yeowoon. Yeowoon knows he wants to kiss Myungha. He knows he wants to spend time with Myungha 1-1. Myungha still hasn't come to that realization yet.

It's an amusement park near the sea. Myungha seems hesitant, but he says yes. Wasn't Myungha's mom near the sea? I wonder if that's part of his hesitation. Yeah, there's definitely something there. This means something more to Myungha for some reason. But he's agreeing anyway.

Well hello. 👀 She's pretty. She was hidden initially in the frame, but they've now exposed her as she's asking Si-a for help. Who is she? Is this the person returned from abroad that Kyunghoon mentioned?

We're now in a dream sequence. 100%. "Do it with me too. The kiss."

Based on the game interface, this is Myungha's dream. Fun. Realization is coming. It's a bit of a kabedon moment with the tree. I'm enjoying it, because as confident as Myungha was when he kissed Joonho, he's not confident at all here. He's flustered.

Myungha wakes up.

Yeowoon has been sending him messages. Apparently he woke up early. If you get messages from me at 4 am, it means I haven't went to bed yet. Not unusual.

Myungha has a message from an unknown number. It's referencing children's day, mother's day, and teacher's day. Myungha isn't sure who it's from though. My immediate guess is his mom. But that doesn't make sense. He hasn't had contact with his mom since he was really little.

Is it the heavenly senior? We know information about the game comes to Myungha through his phone. "But no time for me to meet you." It's reminding me of the poem I wrote for my grandfather following his suicide. It wasn't about holidays/time, but about hiking trails. That was our thing. "But no trail that brings me to you." Crap. I'm crying again. This has been a week of tears in BL land. For the record, I cry very little in real life. But I bawl like a baby watching shows. It's cathartic in some ways. I can't analyze this properly. I'm going to read things into this that aren't there. I'm sure this will become a reoccurring event. I'll wait until the next message to figure it out.

Yeowoon came to pick Myungha up, and it looks like he paid for the bus fare for both of them. Cutie. Myungha may not realize it, but Yeowoon is definitely taking him on a date.

The mural next to the bus is of the sea. I could get a better angle this time. Phone keeps translating different based on angle, but it's better than last time. Something about sacred and beautiful love. Something about a lighthouse.

I love that Yeowoon quickly says "Look at the seagulls". There were birds on the mural too. Seagulls are a trip down memory lane for me. I got handed a bone during my oral qualification exams and asked what I could tell the professors about it. It was a seagull bone.

Seagulls have so many different symbolic meanings depending on culture. I know there are a few different takes in literature. There are also a lot of different meanings for them in Native American lore. Some positive, some negative. It depends on the tribe. A lot of it has to do with their ability to navigate in a storm and overcome obstacles if I remember correctly. There might have been something about the connection between physical and spiritual realms which would be interesting given the premise of this show. Like a bridge or messenger between the two. I don't know what they typically means in S. Korea though. I'll dive into that later.

Yeowoon says he should've brought shrimp chips. They're not my favorite, but my sous chef loves shrimp chips.

Oh. We're feeding them to the seagulls? I mean, they'll eat it. It's a fun experience for the human. It probably doesn't give them the nutrients they need.

Myungha asks if Yeowoon likes the sea. Yeowoon says he likes the mountains more. I love them both, but I live closer to the mountains. I've asked my kids this question before. One chose sea. One chose mountains. One chose "Wherever Uncle Zach is". Yeah, I'm not the only one who thinks my brother is awesome.

They're planning to climb mountains. Yeowoon wants to climb "Kongryung". Based on Myungha's reaction, that must be a hard climb. Based on Yeowoon's reaction, I'm guessing it's a long one. "I'm happy to be with you." Myungha doesn't seem sure how to process that.

Yeowoon asks if Myungha has been here before.

This feels like a lie. It's going to be interesting if lying becomes a thing for Myungha. Well-intentioned lies. But lies nonetheless. It might not be a lie though. That's just my gut talking.

They're planning on going to a clam kal-guksu place. I enjoy noodle soups, but I've never had clams in any capacity. They're not very common here. I have dissected one and done an experiment on heart rate for a class though. Not important.

Apparently, Yeowoon doesn't like seafood. And Myungha slips up. He's using information from the manuscript. Yeowoon is rightfully perplexed and then amused that Myungha knows this about him.

"Sometimes it feels like you're someone that knows me."

Yeah, that's probably going to hurt when he realizes Myungha has known about him all along.

All of Yeowoon's little smiles are killing me this episode.

Yeowoon says he now understands why Myungha likes the sea. Did Myungha say he liked the sea? I don't remember that. 🤔 It could be in an earlier episode, or I could have overlooked it. If he likes the sea though - is that why we have a water sound? Yes, I'm still stuck there. My brain is still obsessing over a sound that probably isn't even what I think it is. I curse my brain sometimes.

Yeowoon says "I've come to like it too". Cut away to them sitting on the stairs in their coordinating blue/green shirts.

There is so much I could say about that closing frame, but I know that I'm out of images. Anyways, we're halfway up the stairs. We're building the relationship. We're sitting side by side. We're equal...in this moment at least. There's no railings on this part. It'd be easy to fall off the sides.

The blue/green combo I find interesting, because it's a shift. These two characters have worn a lot of black & white. What does the shift mean? Is it part of their relationship developing or the changing levels of affection?

Is this show even color coded? I'll have to think about that. Because Sangwon also wears a white undershirt. He's definitely not a "heavenly human" type. Wait...is Myungha the ONLY one wearing a different color undershirt as part of their uniform? Is he the only one in black? I guess that makes senses. He's from a "different" world after all. But why black? Actually, Yeowoon's running outfit was in black too when he had the -100 value. So Myungha isn't the only one in black. Nevermind. I was overthinking again.

This was a fun episode. I'm loving that Yeowoon is so open and direct with his feelings. Myungha isn't there yet, but he's beginning to react. Now I just need to convince my brain that it's 4 am and it needs to just let the water sound go. IS IT WATER?!?

Don't tell me. Because if it is water, that means it's important. And if it's not water, I'll eventually realize it wasn't important.

For now, I'll just distract my brain with a more pressing question - what happened to Sangwon?

[markantonys]

my show-first friend has been reading the books for the first time in the wake of s2 and is now on TFOH, but unlike me when i first dove into my readthrough, she knows nothing about the general Fandom Opinions™, so every now and then i like to drop a relevant bad Fandom Opinion™ on her and be vindicated by her utter bewilderment

and even this was after i undersold it by being like "oh a lot of people think he's dumb / think he's the worse brother of the two" i couldn't bring myself to say "he is the #1 most hated character in the entire series" because that would sound completely insane to someone who is normal djkfjg and would create some very false expectations for her about gawyn's future actions (shoutout to my pre-reading prediction that he was going to murder morgase and fight elayne for the throne or something, just based on the sheer vitriol i saw towards him). i WILL be interested to see if her opinion of him changes as she goes along, but he made it through the coup unscathed in her esteem and she's also thus far been all in favor of him becoming egwene's love interest, and i'm sure his upcoming onesided homoerotic rivalry with rand will amuse and delight her rather than annoy her, so i have high hopes!

[sometimesoliloquy]

Ok this was sitting in my drafts but I feel like it’s appropriate for this occasion😂:

It’s funny how the main character of a show can be yelling from the rooftops how love is like water and love is literally the reason for being* and people will still be like “SHE SHOULD END UP ALONE” like I’m sorry ma’am how did you arrive at that? I guess it’s a good reminder that some people have poor media literacy and are also are no fun.

*I’ll also just add here that said character ends up finding a love that not only bouys and supports without compromising but also defines the very theme of love winning over fear and hate.

Luke: When love becomes about possession, not partnership.

(OK, let me get on my soap box, because enough is enough.)

The writers cannot seriously want this sorry excuse for a marriage to be endgame. It reeks of default, obligation, and emotional resentment. ICK.

It’s not about love anymore. It’s not even about survival. It’s about ownership.

And it’s not just unromantic — it’s disturbing.

💬 “Don’t be in love with a fucking Nazi.”

Let’s start here.

That line wasn’t about Gilead. It wasn’t about right or wrong. It was about punishment.

Luke said it to shame her. To weaponize her guilt. To take everything she’s been through — and everything she still feels for Nick — and twist it into something grotesque. To humiliate her into submission.

And the worst part?

It worked. June shut down. She folded. She defaulted back into silence.

Not because she believed Luke —but because she didn’t feel safe enough to push back. That’s emotional control.

💢 This isn’t about resistance. It’s about jealousy.

Luke frames his rage as political, but let’s not pretend.

This isn’t about Gilead. It’s about June being in love with someone else. Has always been in love with someone else.

Luke isn’t fighting for freedom. He’s fighting for ownership. He’s trying to stake a claim on June’s heart through shame, fear, and obligation.

But you can’t shame someone out of a love that has survived everything. And you can’t bully your way into being someone’s peace.

🧊 Luke is not the safe choice. He’s the easy one.

June isn’t with Luke because she chose him. She’s with him because she’s exhausted. Because she’s lost so much and Luke is the one who’s still standing.

But that’s not a relationship — it’s resignation. And Luke knows it.

That’s why he lashes out. Because he can feel her heart pulling away, and instead of loving her through it, he tightens his grip.

“That he’s this savior that you’ve been pining for ever since you got back.”

That’s not a man mourning lost connection. That’s a man who feels entitled to her love and is furious she won’t just hand it over.

💔 You don’t win love by being the last one left.

What’s heartbreaking about all of this is that Luke still thinks he’s fighting for something real.

But it’s not real. Not anymore.

Because if June was ready to leave with Nick, if she said “yes”, if she kissed him like he was her only truth — then everything happening with Luke right now is just noise.

And if Luke had any real respect for her, he’d let her go.

But he doesn’t.

Because Luke isn’t trying to be chosen. He’s trying to win.

And love isn’t a game.

Luke doesn’t need to be a villain to be the wrong choice. He just has to keep confusing control for care. Guilt for intimacy. Presence for love.

Because love isn’t just about showing up — it’s about seeing the person in front of you. And Luke has never really seen June.

He sees who she used to be. Who he wants her to be. Not the woman who broke and bled and found love in the ashes.

And if this story ends with her choosing that version of comfort — the safe lie over the dangerous truth —then it’s not just Nick who loses.

It’s her.

Because staying isn’t surviving. And choosing someone out of fear of being alone isn’t love — it’s another kind of silence.

And June Osborne was never meant to go quiet.

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”