#That Fuckwit from Field Services

[freelanceexorcist]

Reason# 248583947 Why Sephiroth Lost His Shpadoinkles

He got fed up with the aggravation of SOLDIER and took that easy-looking job in Procurement instead.

And then The Incident happened.

Sephiroth: (thinking) "You sure can tell it's the day before a holiday. This place is like a graveyard and I haven't had one request all morning. Surely there won't be any civilization-ending emergencies with no one else here, right? I might even be able to sneak out a little before 5:00 myself."

Sephiroth's email: "DING!"

To: NoLastName, Sephiroth

From: From Field Services, That Fuckwit

CC: Deusericus, Lazard; Hojo, Professor; Shinra, Rufus; Shinra, President; Herself, The Goddess Minerva; Planet, The

Time/Date: [ ν ] – εγλ 0001, 4:38 pm

Subject: ***URGENT!!!*** ***EXPEDITE!!!*** ***EMERGENCY!!!***

Hey buddy! Can you knock this one out for me real quick? It has to be ordered today for delivery tomorrow. I've attached the requisition I put together three days ago using a quote I've had for a month and the lead time says 12 weeks BUT IF IT DOESN'T GO OUT RIGHT NOW AND ARRIVE TOMORROW THE ENTIRE PROJECT IS GOING TO BURN TO THE GROUND AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"

Warmest Regards,

That Fuckwit From Field Services

====

To: From Field Services, That Fuckwit

From: NoLastName, Sephiroth

Date:  [ ν ] – εγλ 0007, 4:39 pm

Subject: Re: ***URGENT!!!*** ***EXPEDITE!!!*** ***EMERGENCY!!!***

That Fuckwit,

The requisition cannot be accepted in its current form, and until the corrections below are made, policy prevents us from issuing a PO that includes The Shinra Electric Power Company's terms and conditions.

Rev 4 of this form has been obsolete since 0001. Please resubmit using current Rev 23.

The requisition does not have a valid approval for this gil amount. Gary the Field Services Tech has not worked for Shinra since 0003 and was never a designated approver or delegate. Please resubmit with the approval of Cathy the Field Services Manager.

The gil amounts and quantities on the requisition do not match the quote. Please clarify if there has been a price increase or change in the requested quantity.

[Insert continued list of dealbreakers here. Use your imaginations. --Freelance Exorcist]

Your prompt correction of these errors will ensure that your goods will arrive to site in time to prevent a work stoppage.

For future reference, please send purchase requisitions only to the Procurement department. Dir. Deusericus, Professor Hojo, the Vice President, the President, The Goddess Minerva Herself and The Planet are not currently members of the Procurement team.

Thank you.

Sephiroth

===

To: NoLastName, Sephiroth

From: From Field Services, That Fuckwit

Date:  [ ν ] – εγλ 0007, 4:41 pm

Subject: Re: ***URGENT!!!*** ***EXPEDITE!!!*** ***EMERGENCY!!!***

-Automatic Reply-

Hello,

I will be out of the office on PTO from [ ν ] – εγλ 0007 to [ ν ] – εγλ 0007 without access to email, Teams, my phone or my laptop and will in fact temporarily cease to exist. If you require immediate assistance, please contact Gary the Field Services Tech but please be advised that he is currently working on an offshore platform with inconsistent cell phone reception and network access.

Thanks and have a great holiday!

[bread-roses-and-chrome]

Contractual Obligation (4)

"...You do enough," she told him. "Mack-Ras is a stable job. It's corporate. It's never gonna go away. The pay on the factory floor's not good, the regulations ain't enough. But just...stay there. Back me up. If something happens to me, I--" "Shaylee." "Hun, don't call me that. Please." "...I met Lee. The man, downtown. The Korean. The one that looked to be about forty, the one you told me about. He introduced himself. He was a contractor for Weaver Industrial, just like you said. Served in Siberia. He says he'll help us." "For how much?" "...He didn't name a price. He just said he'd come by tomorrow. He said he knew Mack-Ras technology from back in the war. Said it looked enough like P.L.A. tech for him to get a closer look." "Hrm." She mused. If he could see her smile. "Conflict of interest. Making use of the services of members of rival corporations. I'm not the only..." She stopped. She knew that calling him a partner-in-crime would make his jitters worse. Kurt gave her a hearty little chuckle. "You know a lot about this sort of stuff now. Maybe we should get you into Legal. Mack-Ras would appreciate a lot of good lawyers like you. You're not a freak-show. Not like the little shit in the barrel they brought in as the new foreman yesterday." "I don't have a degree, you fuckwit. Mack-Ras likes degrees. I can't even afford a degree for my kids. You think I'm gonna push myself to college?" "Hey, it's never too late!" "Shut up. I'm not that old." "Neither am I!" "With that salt-and-pepper beard of yours, I'd peg you at about sixty." She loved when they just talked like this. All their weeks. Their lives. Through Lima Blight in Aklan and the rot in the fields. Through the checkpoints and the on-foot walk through Luzon. Through the drudgery and the mud and the grinding monotony of living area projects the government abandoned in the '60s. Through the reddening skies and the smell of ethanol fumes. What she could make of their lives. Kurt stayed on this for a while, hovering over the last cable port. Through this, she'd connect to the computer she used to govern her affairs. Govern her business arrangements. He remembered looking at her in that chair of hers, back in their little home out near the floodway. Live-selling. He smiled. As much as he could. "You ready for this?" "Ready." The plug went in. ****** Out, out, did that data go. Across the cables, between the messengers, across the millions upon millions of little intranets that men hiding from the State had crafted in times long past. To keep themselves secure. To keep everyone in this little thread of sanity secure. It was not a name for themselves that they needed. Kurtis and Shaylee Dagohoy, for better or for infinitely worse, would get one anyway. For in three months' time, a minister of the Republic would be dead. Chairman of the Council of National Preservation, Emilio Abracosa, would declare martial law. Amidst famine and death. Corruption. Hatred unparalleled for the death of millions. The final breath of the illusion of a great leader that could save them all from mankind's last days on Earth. The wrath of the state would be the order of the day. There would be blood on the street. Students on the cobblestone. And men and women across the city, and across the country, would start asking them why. ================================================ Previous. Back to the first page.

[freelanceexorcist]

Filling out forms wasn't great. The reports kinda sucked as well. But what really did him in, what really made him cross the Rubicon was the emails. Oh, holy buckets of chum, the emails.

Nibelheim really happened because in his distress and haste, he accidentally brought his phone down into the library with him and...emails.

Like the three in a row from that fuckwit from Field Services who sat on something for a week and now it's an emergency that will lead to the collapse of society if Sephiroth doesn't drop everything and address it immediately. Or the entirely-too-long email chain that the other fuckwit from Field Services copied him in on even though it had nothing to do with any of his duties because there's a chance he might be peripherally involved some day.

And Teams is blowing up, too, because fuckwit #1 was messaging him a nanosecond after hitting Send on the emails to make sure he got them and why send one message when you can hit the enter key after every few words you type and send 15 of them in rapid succession? The last thing Sephiroth saw before giving in to madness was

sephiroth

hi

did u see my email

i sent it over a minute ago

and you havent responded yet

getting kinda worried

i was really hoping youd get on that

can u do that

thx

👍😊

Nibelheim didn't have a prayer after that. Shame on you, Janice and Keith. The blood of innocents is on your hands.

"Sephiroth doing paperwork" gets treated like a funny meme about the peculiar fixations of fanfic writers, but if you think about it, the guy's job – at least pre-losing-his-shit – is to somehow be a corporate middle manager and a cop at the exact same time, both professions which are notable for the unbelievable quantities of bullshit paperwork they generate. He would absolutely be filling out Form 27-B.

[freelanceexorcist]

Reason# 193847493 why Sephiroth lost his ever-loving marbles:

That Fuckwit from Field Services sent him an email to tell him they were going to send him an email shortly.

[freelanceexorcist]

Reason #403749263 why Sephiroth’s lost his ever loving shit in Nibelheim:

Over the span of less than 60 seconds, he received the following from That Fuckwit From Field Services:

An email

A Teams message notifying him that an email was just sent

A phone call from That Fuckwit asking if he’d seen the email and Teams message

[freelanceexorcist]

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines an emergency as an unforeseen combination of circumstances or the resulting state that calls for immediate action.

That Fuckwit from Field Services defines an emergency in four distinct ways when it comes time to get Procurement involved:

1. I sat on this until the very last minute and now it’s your problem.

2. I completely and utterly boogered up this project, which has created an emergent situation and now it's your problem.

3. I refuse to schedule the weekly check ins with my customer at any time other than Friday afternoon, I promised them the moon and they want it onsite tomorrow so here’s a red hot requisition for you at 4:45 pm and now it’s your problem.

And

4. It’s not really an emergency but I want you to drop everything and tend to me first so I’m going to tell you it is and now it’s your problem.

*Sigh*

[freelanceexorcist]

Sorrynotsorry about this.

The Ballad of Sephiroth vs. That Fuckwit From Field Services (2747 words) by ghostofgenerayburn Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Sephiroth (Compilation of FFVII), Lazard Deusericus Additional Tags: Somewhere in the FFVII multiverse this shit happened, FFVII multiverse, That Fuckwit From Field Services, sorry attempt at humor, Whole lotta F-bombs dropping on this soil Summary: Sephiroth got fed up with the aggravation of SOLDIER and took that easy-looking job in Procurement instead.

[freelanceexorcist]

Reason# 2048572 why Sephiroth’s lost his ever loving shit in Nibelheim:

After dealing with his email inbox being under heavy bombardment all morning from that fuckwit from Field Services demanding updates every 15 minutes on the thing they need him to do immediately if not sooner, he finally had his fill when said fuckwit sent him a Teams message to tell him that they were sending him another email demanding updates.

And when he requested information about another matter from said fuckwit, the response was basically "screw you, not my problem, and why do you even think you can ask me this?"