#Thanks to this ask for finally making me water my begonias

[time-travelling-chaos]

For the ask game, 2, 14, 23

Thank you for the ask!

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

I'm unsure here. I used to write a lot by hand when I was younger, but then I switched to write only on the computer, and switching was hard because I was so used to writing by hand. So I imagine it would be hard as well to switch back, and it would take so time to get used to it again, but that it would be possible. The only thing is it take much longer to write by hand, and editing takes ages, so I'll probably write only one shots and not so much longer stories anymore, but yeah, I love writing too much to let that stop me. (And also 100% pen)

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

I do! But usually people who borrow them from me are people that I'm close to, so they aren't scared to ask (I'm usually nice about it, as I trust them). And appart from one or two, I know where all of them are and will get them back. But the thing is I will rarely talk much about books if I don't trust you already, so that helps.

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

My most common place of writing is my couch. It's a white one, not too big but enough for two people to sit in. It has a blue blanket put on top to protect it from cats hairs, and two blue cushions, each leaning next to one of the couch's arm. In front of the couch is a wodden coffee table that is almost as large as the couch. It is quite old, as I got it from my grandfather, but still in perfect condition. It also has a lot of storage space and some hidden drawer, which is really cool, but also makes it incredibly hard to carry and move around. On the table there are usually piles of books, and currently there are four piles and a comic that is not part of any pile, a box of tissues, two plants, my water bottle and usually some snacks. Between the two plants, there is a small weather station, that I use exclusively to see the time and temperature, but that also gives informations about things such as humidity percentage or atmospheric pressure. My switch and some games are often on the table as well, otherwise I'll forget their existence for a few months. All of that is generally aligned together and located to the right of the table, leaving the left part almost empty.

If I'm writing during the day, I'll sit on the couch facing the table, meaning that I will also see the rest of the living room. The blue armchair on the left of the coffee table. In the left corner there is a small dinner table, and next to that another plant. On the wall facing me, I can see the two doors leading to my bedroom and my home office, each usually open. Between the two doors, there is a small vintage piece of furniture, that I got from my grandfather as well. It has two drawers in which I put all of my teas and on top of it, two more plants and some tea that I never put back in the drawer. On the right there is a bookshelve that is almost full and contains almost exclusively the books that I haven't read yet. On top of the bookshelve, there are four begonias that I often foget to water because it would require me to take a chair as I can't reach them right away. All of those orginiate from my cat's habit to try to cut my plants, but thankfully begonias can grow from a cutting easily.

If I write during the night, I'll mostly lay on the couch, with my legs resting and my back against one of the arm's, the coffee table on my right. When that's the case, I'll often have my cat laying on my either on my arms making it hard to type anything, or on my legs. In that case, I can see in front of me the small round table at the end of the couch, that has a salt lamp, an old typewriter that doesn't work anymore, the wifi box, and a small figurine on it. I'm also facing three large windows that lead to my (very small) balcony, and from that I can see the few herbs that are in the window boxes and I can see trees on the outside (there is a small park behind where I live so that's what I see). Oh and there is a platform for my cat stuck to one of the windows so sometimes I can see my cat there as well. Right now, it's raining outside, and the sky is grey (not a really dark grey, a lighter one though) and the window is open, so i can feel fresh air coming inside as well.

Ask game here

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

The Sanguine Web - Part 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this, it is the first part of my 100 follower special, the other parts are coming shortly. I’ve been really wanting to a Hanahaki fic for awhile so here it is. I also want to do some different soulmate au’s so those will be coming soon! Love you guys so much xx

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death and blood

Summary: You try to figure out how to tell your friends your sick

Prompts

Masterlist

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

(y/n)’s pov

“I know this diagnosis is scary, but we’ve got a quite few options now,” Dr. Shaw smiled, though it felt a little backhanded, “Not, the only way we can guarantee your safe recovery is removal of the infection, but the good news there are plenty of doctors in the city who know how to perform the surgery so it wouldn’t take us very long at all to get you in. Alternatively, having your feelings requited will lead to the infection dying off on its own, or, you can try to resolve your own feelings. If you’d rather pursue one of those then a good first step is talking to them, as scary as that may be.”

“Okay,” I have to let everything soak in for just a minute, “Is the surgery risky?” “The actual surgery is very safe, though it will lead to the removal of your feelings for that person. The only real risk is the chance that it prevents you from falling in love in the future.”

“What are the chances that happens?”

“It’s about fifty fifty, and unfortunately there isn’t really a way for us to tell if that will be you, it’s just a risk we have to take,” she clasps her arms in front of her, “I’m not asking you to decide today, you’ve caught this very early so we’ve got a bit of time to figure things out. Until then I can recommend a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, and there’s some antibiotics I can prescribe you that will help slow the infection.”

“Okay, thank you,” I swallow the lump forming in my throat, “I think maybe I’ll try and talk to him and work it out that way.”

She nodded, “Okay, most patients opt to try that first. We can still get you into surgery later if that doesn’t work out.”

“How late can I opt in?”

“Up until the infection starts spreading, once it’s outside of your lungs the surgery won’t do anything. However, if your feelings were to change at that point or your feelings are requited, there is still a chance you’d be able to pull through,” she began scribbling things onto a notepad, “That’s still far off right now, but this disease it unpredictable, so we’ll need you to come in every week for blood work and xrays. We’ll monitor everything very closely so we’ll know if we start getting close to the point of no return so to speak.”

“Alright, I guess straight to the pharmacy then?”

She nodded, “Good girl, and you call us if you need anything. If things feel like they’re accelerating or you start coughing up a lot straight to the hospital okay?”

I nod, “Okay, thank you.”

“Of course, I’ll see you next week.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I took the subway to the pharmacy stuck in an odd state of numbness. Part of me wanted to cry, or scream, but I just didn’t do anything. I’m in shock until the woman behind the pharmacy counter begins speaking to me.

“Alright sweetheart what can I do for you?” “Just getting this filled,” I hand her my prescription with a forced smile.

She takes the paper, squinting at it before frowning, “Oh my…” she types a few things and sighs, “I’ll be right back,” I drum my fingers nervously on the counter while I wait for her to return, finally she does carrying a little white bag, “I know this isn’t totally appropriate but I know they only prescribe this for one thing and…” she trails off for a second, starting to blush, “Well my girlfriend had Hanahaki’s too, and she was really scared, but she ended up telling me how she felt and it was great, she recovered just like that,” she offers me a sympathetic smile, “I know this is hard but you should talk to them, I’m sure whoever they are, they’ll at least want to help.”

It’s sweet of her to say, so I thank her and shove the bag in my purse on my way out. I’m sure Peter would want to help, but he’s with someone else, and they love each other. I don’t get to confess and clear things up and live happily ever after. I have to move on, it’s the only option for me. I’m not getting that surgery and risking never falling in love again. That’s not fair. Just because I fell for the wrong person this time I have to never love again? Or die? 

I’m tearing up when I get home, and unfortunately everyone is already over. 

Betty beams at me from the couch, “Hey, how’d it go?”

“Good,” my voice shakes a little, “They think it’s just, um, allergies. I’ve got some pills that should start clearing it up.”

She nods, though all of them look a little concerned, “You’re gonna be okay then right?”

I lie through my teeth, “Nothing life threatening.”

“Okay…” she seems to buy it, but I’m sure she’ll end up drilling me on it later, “You wanna join us then?” “Sure, just, uh, give me a second,” I retreat to my bedroom, dumping my purse and jacket before clutching myself tight. I just want to cry, but I have to wait, everyone’s going to know something is wrong if I try to hide out.

I return to the living room after consoluling myself for a minute, taking a seat besides Betty on the couch, “We ordered pizza,” MJ smiles, “I got that veggie one I was telling you about.”

“Hope it’s good,” I bite my cheek, I feel guilty even talking to her.

“It’s amazing, you’re gonna love it,” she insists. 

Betty’s eyes bore into me suspiciously, “Are they really sure it’s just allergies?”

I nod, “Of course Betty, I promise I don’t need a lung transplant or something.”

“Are you sure?” she presses, “There was blood.”

“Blood?” MJ raises a brow.

Betty nods, “Yeah, she was coughing up blood last night, that’s why she even went to the doctor. It seemed worse than allergies.”

“My throat was just dry,” I try to explain, “I promise I’m fine, it’s just something in the air right now.”

“Okay,” she lets up, “But if you do need a lung transplant I’ve got you.”

“And maybe if you give (y/n) one of your lungs you two will get some sort of psychic connection,” Ned interjected, “I bet they’d make a tv show about you guys.”

Everyone starts laughing, and for the first time that day I let myself glance up at Peter. He’s so pretty, and so is his laugh, but before I can appreciate either of those things I start coughing. It’s an almost instant reminder that I can’t do that. Something tickles in my throat so I quickly stand up.

“Are you okay?” Peter frowns at me. I nod quickly, “Just need some water,” I cover my mouth with my hand as I struggle to pour myself some water. 

I bend over the sink to make sure none of them can see the petal I cough up. I know it must be a begonia. Last finals week was really stressful for me, and in the middle of the week Peter had dragged me away from the cave I was studying in to relax for a while. He took me to this cute little market and bought me some flowers while we were out, begonias.

I shove the petal down the garbage disposal and wash away the blood, I’ll have to figure out what to do when I start coughing up more, full flowers too. 

“Are you sure you're good?” Betty questions when I stand back up, I swear she has xray vision or something. 

“Yeah, better now,” I take a big swig of my water, “I’ll be good as new in a few days.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Make yourself comfortable,” Dr. Morrison picks a notebook up off her desk. She seems very nice, I just hope she’ll be able to help me work through some of my feelings, “I’m really glad you came here, therapy can be scary, especially in your situation, so coming here is already a step in the right direction.”

“Thanks, I’m still a little nervous, but anything to help.”

She gives one kurt nod and glances down at her notepad, “Absolutely. I’d like to know what your intention is here so I can know how to help you best. Do you intend to get surgery?” I shake my head, “No, I’m not gonna get the surgery. I want to just try and move on.”

“Alright, is this person aware of your feelings?”

I shake my head, “No, he’s with someone else so that isn’t really an option for me.”

She nods, “Okay, can I ask his name?”

“Peter.”

“Peter,” she repeats, scribbling a few things down, “Are you two close?”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

“Is he aware that you're sick?”

“No, I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Why’s that?”

“I know they’d ask who and I don’t know what to tell them yet, and it’s still new. I mean I want to tell them eventually, but I think I still need some time.”

“Of course, you need to process everything first, that’s perfectly reasonable. I do encourage you to tell them though, having a good support system is going to help you feel a lot better, and you can always let them know you just don’t feel comfortable telling them who it is.”

“I will.”

She smiled, “So, what do you like about Peter?”

I blush, “Everything I guess, he’s smart and he’s funny and I always feel really good when I’m with him. I don’t know, we just kind of click.”

“You two spend a lot of time together?”

I nod, “Yeah, we hang out all the time, I probably see him more than my actual roommate.”

“How would you feel about spending less time together?”

“He’s my best friend, why would I do that?”

“Separation is going to help you move on, I’m not saying stop being friends or avoid him, but giving yourself space from him is going to be good for you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I feel like therapy went well, I feel more hopeful when we finish, although I’m definitely tired. She told me the goal is to get me really comfortable with my feelings so I can move on. I decided to set myself a goal afterwards, I want to tell Betty before my next session, a week from today. I can’t hide it from her for too long anyway, we live together after all, and she’s already convinced there’s something more than just allergies going on. I debate even telling her when I get home, but Peter and Ned are in the living room, and I’m still not sure I’m ready.

“Hey,” Peter smiles to me as I walk in, “How was work?” “Fine. I didn’t realize you guys were coming over.”

“Oh yeah, we’re going to the movies. You should come, MJ is gonna meet us there.”

Dr. Morrison said separation is good, and I don’t really want to be their fifth wheel anyway.

“I think I’ll stay home,” I clutch my purse nervously, “Thanks for offering though.”

His lips pulled to a slight frown, “You sure? MJ picked some weird art film, it’d be more fun if you came.”

“Yeah, work was actually pretty tiring and I still have a bit of homework…”

“Okay,” his cheeks just barely dust pink, “Next time then?”

I nod, “Of course, you guys have fun,” I scurried to my room as quick as I could.

I don’t know what exactly made me start crying, I mean I’ve cried every night this week so maybe it’s just the overwhelming feelings again, but I think it was Peter. I don’t want to have to pull away from my best friend, I just wish I loved him the way I was supposed to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it just makes me feel gross. 

I end up hiding out until they leave, then I return to the kitchen for some hot cocoa and comfort food. I calm down a bit, but I’m still a little teary eyed when I pass out on the couch. I don’t know how long I get to sleep for, but what ends up waking me up is the front door opening. I peer through groggy sleepy eyes, expecting to find Betty, ready to scold me for not going to bed.

What I didn’t expect was Peter. 

He bent down beside me and set a hand on my cheek, “Wake up sleepy head, I know this couch isn’t that comfortable.”

“Hey,” I yawn before rolling onto my back, I push my arms up in an attempt to push the sleepiness out of my body, “Where is everyone?”

“Betty is back at mine and Ned’s, I came by just to talk to you, but it can wait,” he smiles and offers me a hand, “Come on bunny, I’ll take you to bed.”

I shake my head, “I’m up, what did you want to talk about?”

He blushes, “Let me help you to bed first.”

“I’m a big girl Peter, I can put myself to bed. What’s on your mind?”

He sits besides me with a sigh, “It wanted to make sure you’re okay, you’ve just seemed a little off this week.”

“It’s just allergies P, I’ll feel better in no time.”

“I don’t think so,” he frowns, “I don’t think allergies forget how to talk to your best friend.” 

“I didn't, I just don’t feel very good.”

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me if you’re upset with me or something…”

I laugh, “Peter why would I be upset with you?”

“I don’t know, you’ve just seemed off every time I’ve seen you this week.”

“Well it’s not you Peter, I just don’t feel very good. If I were upset with you I would just tell you.”

“Okay,” he accepts my answer though he doesn’t seem totally satisfied by it. Who am I kidding? It’s Peter, he always knows when something’s up. “You know I’m always here for you right?”

I nod, “I’m here for you too Peter.”

He wraps an arm around my neck and kisses the top of my head, “We could hang out for a little while, play some games or something.”

“I’m still pretty tired, I think I’m just gonna go to bed,” I blush as I stand, “Maybe some other time.”

His smile falls but he nods, “Okay, but it has to be soon. I miss hanging out.”

“Soon,” I agree, “I miss it too.”

He stands and pulls me into a hug, placing another kiss on the top of my head, “I’m sorry about whatever’s going on, you know I love you tons.”

It takes every ounce of my willpower not to burst into tears, to not break down and just tell him the truth. I can’t though, I know I can’t. It’s not his fault he doesn’t love me the way that would fix everything, he loves someone else and I want that for him, even if it makes me jealous, even if it kills me. I just want Peter to be happy. 

“I love you too.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

This morning Betty nearly caught me tossing a petal out the window, making it very clear that I’ll have to tell her soon. I’d much rather tell her than have her just find out, I just don’t know how. I think I should just sit her down and tell her, but I just want to sugar coat it somehow, make it seem better than it is. I’m trying to figure out some way to do that when I get called up to the pharmacy counter. I barely even realize I know the girl behind the counter this time. Adeline, MJ’s roommate.

“Oh hey,” she smiles to me, “Are you okay with me filling your prescription? I can totally grab someone else.”

I know she’ll know if I let her fill the prescription, it’s a little scary, but there’s enough separation between us that it feels okay, like a warm up.

“I don’t mind,” I smile back, “Just don’t tell everyone about the pills I’m popping.”

She laughs, “I’ll keep it to myself,” she turns to her computer, typing away before squinting at the screen, then it seems to hit her, “(y/n)...” she turns to me with a frown, “Do you?...”

I nod, “Yeah, but like I said, don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course,” she pursed her lips, “I’ll be right back.”

It was worse than I thought, Adeline and I aren’t super close, we get along, but we never hang out outside of group get togethers or parties. I didn’t expect her to look so upset or concerned, I thought she’d just tell me she was sorry, that she hoped I got better. It makes me scared of how everyone else is going to react.

“Here you go,” she frowned as she passed the little white bag to me, “You haven’t told anyone?”

I shake my head, “Not yet.”

“Really? Not even Betty, o-or Peter?”

“No one, I’m going to, just kind of figuring out how.”

She nods, “Yeah, I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m gonna get better, it’s just a little scary for now.”

“Of course,” she smiles, but it’s one of those sad smiles I have a hard time looking at, “I, um, if there’s anything I can do just let me know. I could help you tell everyone,” she blushed suddenly, “When you’re ready of course. Just, uh, maybe it’d be easier to get it out of the way all at once you know?”

“Thank you.” It’s not a bad idea actually, maybe it would be easier than telling everyone individually. Then I just have to explain it once and answer all the questions once. I don’t have to answer all the questions over and over. It might balance out the reactions too. “That might be nicer actually, and you could probably help explain the medical stuff a bit more.”

She nodded, “Yeah, definitely, I mean do it however you need to, but if I can help in any way just let me know.”

“Thanks Adeline, I’ll think about it,” I give her an awkward little wave as I walk away.

I start making a pros and cons list in mind, weighing both of my options to try and figure out the best way to go about this, of course my thoughts are then interrupted by a phone call. Peter.

He’s been trying to get together, and this time I really have been avoiding him, following the advice of my therapist. I don’t know if it’s helping, I think about him just as much, the thoughts are just sadder now, but it’s what I have to do. My therapist knows how to get me better, and I have to get better or I’ll never get to see him, or anyone. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him that, I hate lying to him. 

“Hello?”

“Hey bunny,” he sounds chipper as ever, “How are you?”

“Good, how are you?”

“Well I’m okay right now, but I would be a thousand times better if you came over and helped me study?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” I glance around me, trying to think of something, “I have to go grocery shopping.”

“How about I come help you then?”

“I thought you needed to study?”

“I do but,” he pauses for a minute, “I know you said you aren’t avoiding me, but you know it went from not talking as much to suddenly we haven’t even seen each other in days.”

“Well why do we need to hang out all the time anyway? Just go hang out with MJ.” 

I don’t mean to sound as angry as I do, I’m just so frustrated. It’s not easy keeping this all to myself.

He stays quiet and then sighs. “You’ve been acting weird since you went to the doctor, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m worried about you.”

“Nothing’s going on Peter,” I frown and wrap an arm around myself, “I’m just busy today alright?”

“You’re busy everyday.”

“I’m not, I’m just busy right now…” I sigh and hang up, I just don’t really know what to say to him.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

After my awkward phone call with Peter I decided it would be best for me to tell everyone at once. I just need to get it out of the way, rip the bandaid off. So I texted Adeline, and she proposed that she and MJ would have everyone at their place to hang out today. She said it was gonna just be dinner and some party games, and everyone agreed to go. I told Betty and Ned I’d meet them there so I’d have a bit of alone time to get ready. I wanted just a bit alone just to prepare what I’m going to say and everything, I want this to go well. I want to walk into therapy tomorrow and tell her all about how I told my friends and I have this amazing support system.

A coughing fit interrupts my attempt to hype myself up in the mirror, it’s much more violent than they have been. The petals tickle a bit, and there’s usually a bit of blood, but it’s never like this. As a bit of blood splatters in the sink I hear what I assume is Betty coming back to retrieve some forgotten item. I kick the bathroom door closed and hope she just ignores me. Instead the door almost instantly starts creaking open.

“I’m fine!” I lean over the sink, trying to cover it with my hair, “Just give me a second!” I choke on my words.

The hand that’s set on my back is distinctly not Betty’s, “Jesus Christ are yo-” Peter stops mid sentence, just as the full flower falls out of my mouth, followed by a streak of blood. The full ones are much harder to cough up than the petals.

“I’m fine,” I quickly try to think of someway to explain this, “That was just in my hai-”

He seizes my wrist as I attempt to turn on the sink and wash away the evidence, “Did you cough up that flower?”

I flush, “Did you break into my house?”

“Betty gave me her keys so I could pick you up and figure out why you’ve been avoiding me! Now tell me what the hell is going on!” he demanded in the most concerned, Peter-like way he possibly could. 

I take a deep breath, glancing at the mess in the sink before I finally answer, “I have Hanahaki’s disease.”

His eyes dart between me and the sink, seeming to debate his next words carefully, “How long have you known?”

“About two weeks.”

“Were you even going to tell me?”

I nodded, “I was going to tell everyone tonight.”

He dropped my wrist and pushed a hand through his hair, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, “W-Well it’s not that bad right? I mean there’s surgery, a-and I’m sure if you just talk to him he probably feels the same way.”

“He’s with someone else Peter, he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t also love you.” When I finally did meet his eyes they were glossy, and his cheeks were red.

“He doesn’t Peter, I just have to move on.”

“I’m sure he does, just tell me who and we ca-”

“I’m not telling you who he is. This isn’t his fault and I don’t want anyone to blame him or make him feel bad about it.”

“It is his fault!” he snapped before sighing, “Okay fine, you don’t want to talk to him, but there’s still surgery right? I know surgery is scary but this one’s pretty safe isn’t it?”

I nod, “It is, but there’s the risk of me not being able to love anyone again, so I’m not getting the surgery.”

“What?”

“I’m not getting the surgery, I’m just going to have to move on.”

“Okay but if that doesn’t work you’re going to get the surgery right?”

My cheeks dust pink as I shake my head, “No.”

His jaw is locked, his whole body tense, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that angry. “You have to get it.”

“I’m not getting the surgery Peter, but you don’t need to worry about me, I’m gonna move on and get better.”

“Are you kidding me?!” he snaps, “Telling me you’ll get better isn’t good enough! I understand if you want to try and move on first, but if that doesn’t work then you’re getting that surgery.”

“I’m not getting it at all Peter.”

“So you’re just going to die?!” his bottom lip started quivering, it startled me, I didn’t expect anyone to cry, “I’m not going to lose you just because some asshole doesn’t love you back! It’s not fair and I’m not letting it happen!”

“It’s not your choice Peter,” I hug myself because I have no idea what else to do, “Nothing is going to happen to me, I’ll be able to move on and I’ll be just fine. But, if for some reason that doesn’t happen, I really need you to respect my decision on this.”

A couple tears fell down his cheeks and he shook his head, “You cannot ask me to just sit back and watch you die.”

“I’m not, Peter I am going to be fine. I’m on medication that helps slow it down, and I’m seeing a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, she’ll help me move on and I’ll be okay.”

“That isn’t good enough. There’s no guarantee you get better that way and that isn’t good enough for me.”

“I’m sorry Peter, but I can’t give you any other answers. I’m not getting the surgery, even if that kills me. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, and I’m so sorry, but that’s all I can give you.”

A few more tears escape and he pulls me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and went to my waist. We stay that way for a second, he rests his head atop mine while I wonder what to do. I don’t really know how to make him feel better, I don’t even know if I can.

Peter is the one to finally break the silence. “Who is he?”

“It’s not important Peter.” “Yes it is! You think he’s worth dying over!” his voice cracks and I pull away. It’s really hard to see him cry, and I can feel my own eyes starting to sting at the sight. “You won’t even reconsider it for your best friend so I wanna know what’s so fucking great about him.”

I start crying while I realize I can’t ever tell anyone it’s him. I can’t risk Peter finding out, I don’t ever want to put that on him. “It’s not about who he is Peter, I just don’t want to risk never falling in love with anyone ever again. I know some people are okay with that, but I’m not, love is important to me and I don’t think I’d ever be totally happy knowing I couldn’t have that. None of this is on him, he’s a really great guy, I love him a lot and I know you would to. I don’t want anyone to blame him or be upset with him or anything.”

“Well I hate him,” he snapped, “And it doesn’t matter what you say about him. My mind is made up and I think he’s a dick.”

“You can feel however you need Peter, but he’s a good person, the best I know,” I wiped his eyes, “Can you please keep this just between us for me? I really need to tell everyone on my own terms.”

“I won’t say anything,” he promised before pulling me to him again, “Do you think we could just ditch tonight? I really want to talk, just us, and I want to know what’s going on. I need to be able to help however I can.”

 I nodded, “Yeah, I can make something up.”

He nuzzled his nose against the top of my head before pressing a kiss to the same spot, “Thank you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I ended up texting Adeline, who assured me she’d cover for us so we didn’t have to stress out about it. Peter watched my every move while I washed the blood out of the sink and threw the flower out of my bedroom window. Luck for me, he didn’t notice what kind of flower it was, or at least he didn’t comment on it. Actually he just sat on the edge of my bed, honestly I think he was just too caught up in his own thoughts to actually process what was going on. 

“So, did you have some questions?” I asked as I closed my window and took a seat besides him. He nodded, “Yeah, a few. Do you have some kind of timeline of how it’s going to progress?”

“Well the medicine I’m taking will slow everything down, right now it seems like mine is slow moving and my doctor thinks I’ll have a few months, but it’s really unpredictable. Things could get worse very quickly, but she said that’s pretty unlikely in my case. The coughing will get worse and there will be a lot more flowers and blood, but physically I’ll be pretty okay until the end. As for healing, I have until pretty much the last moments for my feelings to be reciprocated or to move on.”

“What about the surgery?”

“They’re able to perform it until the infection moves outside of my lungs. If I get to that point they’ll hospitalize me, but it won’t get to that point.”

“How long would you have if it did?”

“A few days max, I mean they’ll do everything they can to keep me going as long as possible, but there isn’t much they can do at that point.”

He clenched his hands and gave one stiff nod, “You said your therapist specializes in this?”

“Yeah, and she’s really great, she’s going to help me move on and sort out my feelings and all that. She does a lot of work with patients and their families, and she’s got a really good reputation. I really like her so far.”

“Do you think it’s helping so far?” “Well I’ve only gone once so far, but I feel like I can do this. You can look her up if you want, her name is Raina Morrison.”

“I will,” he assured before taking my hands in his, “Are you going to see her again soon?”

“Yeah, tomorrow actually. That’s why I wanted to tell everyone tonight.” He blushed, “I mean it’s still good you told someone right?”

I nodded, “I think so. It was just a little more overwhelming than I thought it would be.” 

I’m a little nervous about seeing her now, I’m worried that telling Peter wasn’t good. She told me separation was a good thing, that it will help me move on, I’m worried I won’t be able to do that now. Peter’s really protective, he cares a lot about everyone, I really love that about him, and I don’t know if I have the heart to tell him that we can’t spend time together. I don’t even know what explanation to give him now.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have freaked out on you like that. I’m sure it’s not good for you.”

“It’s okay, having you guys know will be better for me, I need to have my friends support in this, it’ll make everything easier.”

“Maybe we can just love you enough that he won’t matter anymore,” the smile he gives is weak and forced, he still looks like he might cry again.

I don’t know what to say to make him feel better. I know he loves me plenty, it’s just not the right kind of love.

“Thank you Peter,” I just ended up hugging him again.

He held me tight against his chest, “If you wanted I could help you talk to everyone, even if you end up doing it one on one. Maybe it would be easier to have me there.” 

“It’d be nice to have you there,” I pulled away to keep from crying again, “You, uh, you’ll get it now if I’m a little evasive right?”

A look of confusion overcame his face, “No. What reason could you possibly have to avoid me now?” his bottom lip started quivering again, “You might not… No, I won’t get it, we should be spending every second together that we can.”

“I need alone time to process my feelings, that’s how I’ll get better.”

“Then I won’t say anything!” his cheeks had flushed again in an instant, “I can sit there and be quiet and do nothing, but I need to be there for you. I need to spend as much time with you as I can…”

“Peter you don’t need to start savoring your time with me or make all these precious memories or anything like that. I’m gonna get better,” I squeezed his hands tight and smiled to him, “And it would help a lot if you believed that too, because right now it kind of seems like you’ve already decided I’m going to die.”

“I do believe that, I know you’ll get better,” he sighed, “B-But what if something happens? What if you’re all alone and you just need someone? I should be here, I want to be here.”

How was I ever supposed to argue with that? I can’t tell him he can’t be here for me, I don’t want to tell him he can’t.

“Maybe we should watch a movie or something before we start crying again?”

He nodded and cleared his throat, “Good idea. Maybe something funny?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

We threw on some supposedly funny movie, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I don’t know if Peter was, but he seemed out of it too. We just sort of stared at the screen until everyone came back to my place. I had to get up from where I was laying with Peter and pretend I had food poisoning as Adeline told them. Really I just wanted to go to bed, the day had been extremely draining.

“Hey guys,” I smiled at them, doing my best to look sickly. 

Betty smiled sympathetically to me, “Hey, you feeling any better?”

I nod, “Yeah, I threw up a bit but I think I can just sleep it off. Don’t worry, Peter has babied me plenty.”

 “Well between that and the cough I think you need a little babying,” she wiggled a small container at me, “I brought you left overs for when you feel better.”

“I brought some for you too,” MJ added, flashing Peter a smile, “There in the car.”

“Thanks,” his cheeks dusted pink and I just prayed he wouldn’t give anything away, “I think I’m gonna stay with (y/n) tonight though, just in case she gets worse.”

“I’m sure she’s had enough of you hovering for one night Peter,” her smile dropped almost instantly, “I thought we were hanging out.”

I wonder if they’ve been fighting or something. A wave of guilt washes over me for avoiding Peter, for not asking if there was something he needed to talk about too. 

“We were together last night,” he frowned at her, “You know (y/n) and I haven’t hung out in awhile, and she’s sick, I should stay with her.”

“You two hung out all night and I’m sure her best friend and roommate is more than capable of making sure she doesn’t die in the middle of the night.”

Peter’s jaw clenches and I interject in the fear they may start arguing if I don’t, “Yeah, I mean thank you for taking care of me, but I’ll be fine. I’m probably just going to go to bed anyway, you should go hang out with MJ.”

His cheeks dusted pink and he nodded, “O-Okay, just as long as you're good…”

“I’m good,” I assured, “It’s been a long night, I really just want to get some sleep.”

MJ smiled, “See? You’re driving her crazy, just let the girl get some sleep.”

“I’m just taking care of her,” he snapped.

We were all quiet, Peter and MJ are always so mellow. I mean they act like they’ve been married for forty years, they don’t really fight. As long as I’ve known them they’ve just been… 

Stagnant I guess.

“Well she just said she doesn’t need to be taken care of so no need to smother her, right (y/n)?”

I just nod, “Yeah, I’m good. Peter go hang out with girlfriend, I don’t need to be babysat.”

He frowned, a small huff left his lips before he nodded, “Sure, whatever, let’s just go,” he gave me an awkward sort of side hug and called, “Text me!” before leaving with MJ, both seeming annoyed with the other.

Part 2

[woozisnoots]

modest jeon wonwoo

° pairing: wonwoo x reader ° genre: university!au, host club!au, fluff ° word count: ~1.7k ° warnings: none! ° a/n: this had no business being this long and idek if i like it lol but I want to specifically dedicate this piece to @wonwoosimp​​ bc she’s literally the sweetest, best bean in the world [insert uwu meme here] thank you for gifting me my very first photocard, I literally cried opening it! I love you so much, I hope you enjoy!

welcome to the svt host club!

masterlist!

you entered university with a certain goal, a purpose. eventually, you were going to be the pediatric surgeon that the 13 year old you ushered you to be.

…let's just hope the knowledge of your brain was enough to get you through the first four years of pre-med. with your 3.7 high school GPA, you were lucky to get into your first choice college, let alone your current major

from the start of the semester, you dedicated yourself to studying the anatomy and physiology of the body until you knew every nook and cranny there was to know. and the library was the perfect sanctuary to get your shit together

as much as you loved your roommates, their constant fights over closet space and boy toys gave you no peace of mind what-so-ever

bless the library for being opened 24/7. If your roommates found you sleeping on their only working desk, you would find yourself waking up to the sound of tripping freshmen trying to get to their first 8am class right in the middle of the hallway

but the lone table in the corner of the library just on the third floor did you good at staying focused. even provided some good naps in between every now and then

the day before your first anatomy test, you LOCKED yourself in the library. no one was going in OR OUT of the premise just to sit across from you on YOUR table until you fully memorized the different layers of epithelial tissue >:(

gosh, you even scattered all your notes across the table just so people got the memo that this seat was: [OFF LIMITS]

yes, off limits to everyone except a certain jeon wonwoo.

the way you met was abrupt to say the least

besides your table, you had a pretty good view of the entire campus — from the main health science building all the way to the student parking lot

and just below you, an astonishing sight of a mob of screaming girls chasing after a mouse guy in glasses. not to be inconsiderate and heartless, but unless you heard someone scream bloody murder, diving back into your flashcard you go

tissue after tissue, you start to get delusional because at this point, everything is starting to look the same

slumping down into your chair, you take a second to mentally recharge, drinking the water you’ve neglected for the past three hours

you time yourself for a five minute break, going through the notifications on your phone

before you could read your roommate’s ongoing ramble on the latest update of the “crazy good looking, god-like, elite host club that the university has to offer”

a ‘club’ that you didn’t even know anything about nor cared for

you hear a loud ‘thud’ coming from the bookcase in front of you

from the side the tall, lean guy with glasses that you saw earlier emerged with his hands gripping his tricep

you try not to draw too much attention to him. half the reason being you didn’t want to embarrass him by laughing at the fact he ran into a 10 feet tall bookcase

and you did not need this man distracting you. it’s your eight week streak being this productive, a new record for anything you’ve done in your entire life and your pride wouldn’t let you have it if you lost it just because you saw an attractive man on sight

you scribble down a decent guess to the tissue identification question that you’ve been stuck on for the past few minutes, not bothering to look up

“that’s actually dense connective tissue, not smooth”

jolting up from your seat, you look up realizing the guy 5 feet away is now right in front of your face looking down at all your papers

“you can tell because they’re striated”

you stare at him in disbelief wondering how he could have gotten so fast with just looking at it for a few seconds. eyeing him up and down, he definitely looked around the same age as you but he wasn’t someone you’ve seen around the science buildings. and you would know since you took the liberty of familiarizing almost everyone within the department

“do you mind if i sit here?” his hands already on the edge of the chair ready to pull it out from underneath him

“...yeah sure”

“oh i’m wonwoo by the way,” he says as you both exchange awkward stares and knowledgeable nods

okay well since he’s proven that he might be of help to you, you might as let him stay. from what you’ve gathered, he didn’t have any stuff on him aside from his phone that you watch him get out of his front pocket, getting ready to play pacman

forget how attractive he is, this guy has some brains.

for the rest of the day, as you guys sat across from each other, wonwoo would occasionally bounce back and forth between giving you study tips and playing whatever game he decides to play at that moment in time

he was surprisingly really good at this? he knew more things about the subject than your professors did, and that’s saying a lot. like you’ve been looking at cells for WEEKS and you were lucky to get at least half of them. which begs the question:

“how do you magically know all this?”

the blank expression on his face tells you he wasn’t expecting that question but he quickly shrugs it off. “i just know a few things from my parents that’s all”

you would have questioned him further but the time on your phone read “22:57” and you already broke your number rule about sleeping early before a big test

as you pack up all your stuff, wonwoo pushes his chair in, bidding you farewell

“good luck on your test tomorrow!”

you appreciate the gesture, mentally thanking him for his help and proceed to go back to your dorms, preparing yourself to tell your roommate all about the exciting? day you had

“YOU MORON. JEON WONWOO?”

laying flat on your back on your bed, you cover the bottom half of your face, quivering under your sheets as you stare at your roommate’s outrageous outburst

you explain what happened and who you met today at the library. when your roommate asked to describe him in more detail, all you said was that he was pretty smart for someone who wasn’t particularly in your major

your roommate lets out a loud scream into their pillow, gripping the bed sheets before giving you the earful of the century

“he’s just being modest. he’s a korean lit major but he’s one of the uni’s top students since both his parents are the head of the science department.

…AND he’s one of the most requested host club members. so you caught yourself one big fish today bud.”

top student? science department? HOST CLUB? none of that was processing in your brain. the one club that you wanted nothing to do with and you just happened to meet their top money maker

grand.

the thought didn’t keep you up at night only because you thought that today’s encounter was just coincidence and you probably would never have to see him again.

(sad though, your roommate was right. he is rather good looking.)

the time that it took for you to take your test the next day flew by so fast that you questioned if it even happened. the first step you took out the classroom, you start to second guess all your answers, regretting that you didn’t check a third or even fourth time before submitting

your train of thought halts when you see jeon wonwoo standing in the empty hallway

“i’m sure you aced it”

and just like in a netflix original romance movie, he reveals a bouquet of pink begonias from behind his back while shyly adjusting his glasses

“these are for you. to congratulate you”

weird way to phrase it but you were still gonna take the flowers. “host club tendencies?”

“so you found out?”

from a distance, you can hear the rushing footsteps from downstairs followed by a sense of purpose. “i think i was bound to” :/

you didn’t know how you felt about the current situation. you had no idea what host club was until you got here and you still don’t know what they even do. for all you knew, this could just be a gesture to get them more clients

but if his actions were genuine… you wouldn’t mind seeing him again

“i have to start learning muscles for our next exam. heard it was one of the hardest ones. i’m not sure if you have more studying tricks up your sleeve?”

“i might.” a cocking little grin now appearing on his face

“good. same place at the library tomorrow then. and this time? try not to bring your dedicated fans wherever you go”

so these study sessions continued. you guys occasionally had to change spots - from cafe to an empty bio lab - if the mob ever saw a single hair follicle that might be his

but each time, wonwoo brought something more just himself. one day it would be coffee, others days it would be food. things to keep you motivated.

for a korean lit major, he was taking a lot of time out of his day to help you, being attentive to all the strategies that help you study and such

possibly making your assumption from months back, true.

by the time finals rolled around, aside from the spursts of review here and there, study sessions became more casual. you didn’t feel the need to overwork our brain since you already knew all the information (something you actually learned from wonwoo himself)

possibly the last meeting you’d have with him was similar to your first: just you two together but him playing on his phone. and yet before the night ended

“i have a proposal.”

“i’m not giving you money for your dumb club.” bold of him to assume you would-

“no but i really appreciate the thought :)

why don’t we turn these study sessions into… study dates instead?”

:0

your assumption after 6 months later: finally confirmed

“but that’s only IF you ace your finals.”

well let’s just say at the very end, you had a successful first semester and are now one step closer towards being the surgeon of your dreams.

plus, you even landed yourself a pretty cool boyfriend in the process

let’s hope his parents put in a good word for you when you apply to med school!

[mcrmadness]

For the stay at home ask game: 3, 8, and 29

Thank you! :)

3. your favourite “grounding” activity (anything that involves using the hands/doesn’t involve “spacing out” or escapism - something like gardening, knitting, dancing, cooking)

Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t be able to space out during everything I do. No but... I was definitely gonna say “drawing” but like... when I hyperfocus and enter the flow mode, I am very much spacing out and in the next 8 hours I won’t feel hunger nor tiredness at all until my brains has got enough :D

But if I’m not allowed to say drawing, then I think... maybe taking care of my houseplants? I also do cook and bake every now and then but I don’t enjoy it, I enjoy eating when the food or bakes turn out real good but that’s all + it ends up with dishes and I hate dishes.

But plants? They don’t need too much, just water them sometimes and add some chicken poo sticks (they’re organic and the plants absolutely LOVE them! They always start thriving big time when I add them!) to the soil a few times during the spring and summertime. My begonia corallinas (fun fact, in Finnish its name just means “an angel’s wing”) also need plant support sticks because they tend to grow very tall so I have to rearrange that sometimes and it’s kinda nice when a messy bended plants become neatily standing ones. Sometimes I also like to plant some seeds from fruits etc., more of just for a fun and to try out things and it’s always fun IF they actually start growing!

My biggest success was probably these date seeds I got from eatable organic dates, they’re not supposed to grow even but lo and behold, I have so far got FOUR of them to grow!!! One of them almost died and I changed the soil for it and it started to live again, but now it’s been sleeping again and idk if it’s again going to die or what. Well at least I have two more in a small plastic can so I can move one of them to its pot if it dies, and the second one I should give to my brother, I just wonder when will we remember to grab a planter pot from his place... The first one of these all is doing great, it has gotten really long actually and it’s fun because apparently date palm is a grass plant so it literally is just three, long grass pieces at this point :D I think it’s about 1-2 years old right now and they grow very slowly so it’ll take its time before it starts to look like any kind of palm plant anyway.

***

8. if you were going to write a non-fiction book on any topic, what would it be?

I would probably write about selective mutism. I was diagnosed with it (and social anxiety) when I was 12 years old and have had it since I was 9 or 10. Back then no one really knew what was going on and instead of supporting me, adults thought I was being rebellious and they tried to bride me into talking but no one realized that the more attention they paid on those issues, the more difficult it became for me to start talking. I still have certain Finnish words behind locked doors in my head, I just can’t say them aloud because I was pushed into saying them so many times they grew too big.

Mutism is something even I have a hard time understanding how it works and why. But I’m an adult now, I can speak, I won it, I just can’t say certain words or can’t talk about certain things about the words. I wish I wouldn’t have that and I wish I knew how to learn to say and use those words again but even today I’m so afraid of saying a word and having everyone be like “OMG YOU SAID THE WORD???” because that would mean I will go back and never come back again. I often need that when I do such thing that needs lots of mental strength that people would not mention it, I hope they are as if they didn’t even see it. Neurotypicals always think complimenting is couraging but for me it has always been discouraging because it’s always been a traumatic experience to be forced or forcing myself to talk and me crying is not happy tears but a response to a traumatic event.

So I definitely would write about selective mutism. I have kinda always wanted to be the voice to the kids who have selective mutism and who cannot understand nor talk about their experiences, now as I can finally speak myself. But the thing is, I still have social anxiety and I’m afraid of compliments and success as much as I’m afraid of failure and being hated.

***

9. a favourite easy recipe: 5 ingredients or less, or takes less than 30 min to make

My mom’s shrimp pasta recipe: the sauce just takes Creme Fraiche, cooking cream, an egg(s) and shrimps from the freezer - not boiled so the shrimps won’t become tough. Spices include salt, pepper, onion powder and garlic. And then just boil some pasta to go with it. It’s ready in less than 10 minutes I think, not the cheapest possible but it tastes really good!

[dlwritings]

All I Want | Tom Holland (pt 2)

masterlist found here

pairing - Tom x reader word count - 2,533 warnings -  A/N - for the anon who requested a part 2!

summary - Tom woke up hungover and still heartbroken. Both of you are shit at handling feelings and communicating with each other, but you’ve got to find a way to work this out.

(part 1)

You woke up the next morning before Tom. Your limbs were tangled with his, your head on his chest. Your body moved every time he took a breath. As badly as you wanted to bask in the feeling of sleeping beside him (for the first time in so long), you forced yourself out of bed.

When Tom was hungover, he liked three things: cuddles, aspirin, and tea.

You didn’t know if it was smart to provide him with the former.

You focused instead on making him a cup of tea. You went in the kitchen and started the kettle. When you went in the cupboard, your fingers instinctively grabbed for Tom’s favorite mug. It was one your niece had made for him in her 5th grade art class when the two of you were dating. She had painted something that slightly resembled Spider-Man on one side and wrote Tom’s name on the other. When you broke up, you didn’t have it in you to get rid of it.

The water whistled soon, so you took the kettle off the burner and poured some water into Tom’s mug, adding the tea you knew he liked. You searched through the medicine cabinet in your bathroom and found the aspirin, getting the bottle out for Tom. Just as you were about to go back into your room and set everything on the nightstand beside Tom, he drowsily came into the kitchen. He wiped his eyes, then ran a hand through his hair.

“Morning,” you said, holding out the mug for him. “I made you tea.”

“Mm, thanks,” Tom hummed. He took the mug from your grasp and brought it up to his lips. He didn’t drink it, instead let the steam blow over his face. You poured yourself your own mug quietly, and Tom took the aspirin bottle from the counter. He quickly poured himself a glass of water, downed a couple pills, and made his way into the living room. You took a deep breath before joining him.

How do I do this?

You sat on the other side of the couch, pulling your knees up to your chest. You were both quiet. You knew one of you had to speak, and you knew it probably needed to be you.

“We need to talk about what happened last night,” you said softly.

Tom sighed, “I know.”

Still, you both stayed silent.

Okay. That was a start.

“Harrison said you got kicked out of the bar,” you said. Tom groaned and rubbed his face with his hand.

“Did I?” he said.

“Tom, what the hell were you thinking?” you asked.

“I don’t know!” he said. “I was just-”

“Being dumb,” you finished. “That’s what you were doing. You were being dumb. What if you had gotten in a fight and got arrested? Or what if the press saw you do something stupid, and you ended up on every magazine cover with a bad headline? What if you got hurt? You’re lucky Harrison came to your rescue.”

“How did I end up here?” he asked. “At your apartment?” You breathed heavily and shook your head.

“You don’t remember anything?” you asked. Tom shook his head no, and it was like all hope inside you vanished. You thought maybe he would remember the words he had drunkenly spewed to you and things would change. You knew you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. This was still Tom. Tom who was too irresponsible to manage his time or his alcohol. If he didn’t remember it, he probably didn’t mean it. “Nevermind,” you mumbled. “Forget it. This is stupid. I shouldn’t have let you come here.”

“(Y/N), I’m sorry,” he said desperately, sitting up quickly when you started to move like you were going to leave him. “I’m sorry. Please, please talk to me.” You groaned and put your forehead in your hands.

Do I really want to do this?

“Harrison picked you up from the bar,” you explained softly, “and then he called me. Said you kept, you kept asking for me.” You saw the tips of Tom’s ears turn red, but you kept going. “I told him he could bring you here. When you got here, you were plastered. You just, you started to talk. I guess it was just absolute shit. It doesn’t matter.” You stood up from the couch. “Tell Harrison to come pick you up. I’ve got work.”

“(Y/N)-”

“I’m getting in the shower,” you said. “I need you to be gone when I get out.”

You left Tom alone in the living room and headed to your bathroom. You got in the shower and hung your head, letting the water drip down your hair and around your face. You didn’t want to cry. You refused to cry. You were the one who broke up with him.

I shouldn’t have told him I loved him last night, you thought to yourself. He’s clearly still not ready for something real. If he was, he would’ve talked to me about his feelings sober instead of shitfaced at 1:00 in the morning.

Then again, two weeks ago, you told him to stop contacting you. All he was doing was obliging to your request. Maybe the only way he could talk to you about his feelings was under the influence when you couldn’t blame him for what he said. Maybe you brought all of this on yourself.

Still, none of this made up for the fact that he didn’t remember what he said to you. If he really meant it, you were sure he’d at least be able to guess what he had told you in his inebriated state, even if he didn’t actually recall it. This morning, you had given him a chance to tell you how he felt, and he didn’t.

No. This was on him.

When you got out of the shower, you went into your bedroom to slip on some clothes for work. You worked at a cafe bookstore, so your outfits were pretty much whatever you wanted them to be. You slid on a black skater skirt and a sleeveless, jean button-up shirt with a tie at the stomach. After doing your hair and make-up, you left your bedroom, silently praying that Tom was gone.

And he was.

You were determined to brush this whole thing off. If you moved on and pretended nothing happened, it would hurt a lot less.

So, you went to work with a smile on your face. You greeted the regular customers and made their usual drinks, doing your best to make casual conversation seem effortless. Only one of your customers saw through you. Bob, an older gentleman in his lower 80s, came in every morning. He simply ordered a black coffee and sat in a corner chair by the window. After chatting with you for a few minutes, he would go to whatever book he was reading and stay for about an hour before he was on his way home.

“How’re you doing today, Bob?” you asked with a smile, pouring him his mug of coffee.

“I’m doing good,” he said with a smile, holding up his hand when he was content with the amount of coffee in his mug. “What about you? Your smile’s lying to me.”

You sighed, but gave him another smile. “Just boy drama. It’s nothing.”

“Any boy who lets you go is missing out,” he said.

“Thanks, Bob,” you said. “It’s just a little more complicated than that.”

Bob sensed you didn’t want to talk anymore, so he gave you a kind smile, thanked you for the coffee, and made his way to his usual chair. The morning rush had come and gone, so you finally had a moment to catch your breath. You leaned up against the counter and sighed, hanging your head. You finally let yourself think again about the night before and that morning. What good would all this thinking do? It didn’t change what happened, and it wouldn’t.

Your phone started vibrating in your pocket, and you picked it up to see who was calling. It was Harrison. You looked around to make sure there were no customers needing attention before you answered the call. “I’m at work,” you said immediately. “Make it quick.”

“What happened?” he asked.

“You’ll have to be more specific,” you said sarcastically.

“Tom’s all -I don’t know- not himself,” Harrison said.

“I can’t keep coming to his rescue when he’s feeling lonely,” you snapped. “He can’t tell me he loves me when he’s drunk and forget all about it when he’s sober. This break-up hasn’t been easy for me, but he’s not making it any easier.”

“You both are thick as shit,” Harrison groaned. “You both like each other, you both want to make this work, so why won’t either of you try and fix it?”

“If he can only tell me he loves me when he’s drunk,” you said, “then he must not mean it at all.”

“You’re making this way more complicated than it has to be,” he said.

“I’m not,” you argued. “I’ve just been down this road before with him, and I’m not doing it again. He needs to figure this out himself.”

You hung up in frustration, not giving Harrison a chance to utter another word. It wasn’t like you were playing hard to get or anything. You really didn’t think you were asking for too much. All you wanted was someone who loved you when he was sober as much as he did when he was drunk.

A few minutes passed, so you walked over to Bob and refilled his coffee cup. “Your boyfriend’s the fella who’d visit you here every once in a while, yeah?” he asked.

“Ex-boyfriend,” you said. “Yeah. Why?”

Bob pressed his lips into a tight line and nodded his head out the window. Just as you followed his eyeline, Tom walked into the cafe. He was holding a bright bouquet of yellow begonias -your favorite flower.

Stay strong.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, walking back behind the counter.

“I want to say I’m sorry,” Tom said.

“For what?” you asked, raising your eyebrow. Tom opened his mouth and closed it again. You were quite aware of the customers staring at you both.

“I, uh,” he stuttered, “for, you know. For whatever it is you’re mad at me for.”

“Oh my god,” you said, pinching the bridge of your nose. “You’re pathetic.”

“Jesus, (Y/N), can’t you see I’m trying here?” he asked.

“If you don’t know why I’m mad, you can’t apologize,” you said.

“If you could just tell me what happened last night,” he said, “I can try and make it better.”

You’re making this way more complicated than it has to be.

You let out a heavy sigh and bit your lower lip. You didn’t know if you wanted to scream, cry, or slap Tom in the face. You forced yourself to ignore the audience you had, and you were grateful no new customers had arrived.

“You know what?” Tom scoffed, throwing his hands in the air and dropping your flowers on the counter. “Fuck it. I love you. Alright? I still love you. That’s why I’m here. Because I couldn’t say it this morning because you were mad at me about whatever I did last night, and any time I tried to say anything, you shut me down. You’re so, you’re so fucking difficult, but goddammit, I’m here! I’m here because I love you. And I know I fucked up when we were dating, but I can try harder. I can balance my time. I’m done filming, and, and I won’t go out clubbing as much. I’ll hold you as much as you want, whenever you want. I’ll take you on holidays and weekends away and dates anywhere and anytime you want. I’ll be better, I swear. I want to love you with my whole heart-” His voice had gradually become more gentle as he spoke. “-if you’ll let me.”

Tom walked around the counter to get closer to you. He held your face in his hands and brushed his thumbs across your cheekbones. “Please,” he whispered. “Please let me love you.”

You felt tears streaming down your face and a wave of emotions flood through you.

Anger won out.

“You dickhead!” you shouted, giving Tom’s chest a little shove. Customers who weren’t listening before were surely listening now.

“What?” Tom said, a stunned and confused look on his face. “What did I do?”

“You told me you didn’t remember anything from last night!” you said. “You just repeated everything you said to me!”

“I did?” Tom said, his eyebrows raising. He cocked his head to the side, almost like he was impressed with himself.

“Course you did!” you said. “Don’t play dumb. You’re not that good of an actor.”

“I swear,” Tom almost laughed, grabbing your face again, forcing you to look at him. “(Y/N), I swear I don’t remember saying that to you, but I mean it. I’m sorry I told you the first time when I was drunk, but I mean it just as much now that I’m sober. I’ve been a mess without you, and I don’t want to be this way anymore.”

Tom leaned forward, pressing his forehead to yours. You closed your eyes, feeling his soft breath against your lips. You both hesitated, neither of you daring to close the mere centimeter gap between you.

“Oh just kiss her already!”

You grinned softly at Bob’s outburst, and Tom let out a soft chuckle before doing just that. He pressed his lips  to yours, and you laced your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. You never wanted the kiss to end, but the applause in the cafe snapped you back to reality. You smiled against your kiss with Tom and pulled away. You licked your lips and slightly patted his chest, pushing him away from you. “I have to get back to work,” you told him.

“Okay,” he whispered, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “When do you get off?”

“About an hour,” you told him, glancing at the clock on the wall. He nodded and took a step away from you.

“Text me when you’re out?” he offered. “We can go out for late lunch?”

“Sounds perfect,” you said with a nod. He smiled and placed a kiss to your cheek. “Take my flowers?” you asked. “Put them in some water for me?”

“At my place?” he asked, his voice soft. You shrugged and reached into your purse. You pulled out your house keys and handed them to him.

“Or at mine,” you whispered. Tom’s smile widened, and he nodded, taking the keys from your hand.

“I’ll be waiting for you then,” he said. You waved as he left the cafe, and you couldn’t fight the smile on your face.

As soon as he left, everyone in the cafe went back to their conversations, books, or cups of coffee. “So-” You looked up at Bob who spoke just as he was about to exit the cafe. He smiled. “-That’s your ex boyfriend?”

[spacebrick3]

WHG Final: Snow

Welcome to Snow’s final installment in the Writeblr Hunger Games, featuring some (reasonable) assumptions and a reunion with @ratracechronicler​‘s Begonia Rex! (and mentions of @concealeddarkness13​‘s Leanda!)

Her consciousness returns like the drip of an IV, in steady drops of awareness filtering the fog from her mind. It’s still nighttime, branches silhouetted against the moonlight as she stares upwards, the grass cold on her back. She presses a hand to her head, feeling for the bruise where Nyr had knocked her out. Should probably get that checked out, she thinks groggily as she pushes herself up to one elbow. Could be a concussion…

The area seems deserted. “Hello?” she whispers quietly, vision blurring slightly as she stands. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

But the only sound that reaches her ears is the faint rustling of leaves, the chirping of insects in the dark. The clearing is surrounded by flowers, which she dimly recognizes from her books shouldn’t all be growing there—in the wrong place, and in the wrong time. “Anybody?” she calls out, louder this time. “Am I still in the Arena?” Silence. “Where am I?”

There were stories, which she’d never put much stock in, that when you died there was still a journey left to take. That you woke up on one side of a great obstacle and had to find your own way to the judgment that awaited you. If indeed you ever found it. The priest she’d spoken to during that slow afternoon in the hospital, recovering from a kidney infection, had told her that everyone’s trial was different—some found themselves on one side of an impassable desert and others at the bottom of unclimbable mountains. 

And some, she thinks, find themselves back in the Games. Trapped in an inescapable Arena with nowhere to go. What’s my judgment going to be?

No. Nyr had refused to kill her. Hadn’t she?

But if she was still alive, if this was all part of some grand conspiracy to escape the Games, then why was she still in the Arena? Nyr had said that they were evacuating the other tributes, ensuring they made their way home—and this isn’t home. Nowhere close. Instead, the forest of the Arena closes in around her, dark and impenetrable, lit from above in ethereal, silvery light.

She makes her way along a small path, towards the faint sounds of a river. A figure kneels next to the bank, tending gently to a small plant, a half-empty flask of water sitting beside him. A familiar streak of red runs through his hair, and she feels her shoulders slump. “So you’re here too,” she says quietly.

He turns, a grin spreading across his face. “Snow! You made it! I said I was going to run into you again, didn’t I?” he says cheerfully, his last remark seemingly addressed to the flower.

Not quite the reaction she expected—but then, it is Begonia. “Shame it has to be like this.”

He frowns. “What are you talking about? We made it out of the Games, both of us. I don’t think you or I were trying to win, so isn’t this just what we were hoping for?”

“No! You’re dead, and if you’re dead and we’re here then I must be dead too…” Saying it makes it real, solidifies it from a half-formed nightmare into what feels like a tsunami, deep and cold and trying to pull her under. “And—I know what I told Nyr, but I didn’t really—I wasn’t thinking it would be like this-“

“I’m not dead.”

“What?”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m not dead. I know I’ve been sort of pretending to be, but I’m not, and I don’t think you are either.” He offers another smile, motioning for her to sit next to him, a gesture which she hesitantly accepts. “Did Nyr not tell you? About how we’re trying to help all the tributes make it out alive?”

She holds up her hands, trying to make sense of it all. “No. Yes. She told me, but what are we still doing here?”

“Oh, it’s a project Leanda and I have been working on,” he says excitedly. “She has all the video footage, but I’m sure if we asked I could get some to show to you. A sort-of mock nature documentary of all the plants the Capitol brought here. A way to show off all of the living there is in the Arena, not just the killing.”

And there it is. She takes a breath, staring at the light reflected in the water. “I—I killed someone. Threw away my oath and killed someone. Harker, her name was. District 7.”

He doesn’t say anything for a second. She had expected him to be angry, somehow, or even just distant. After all, he had trusted her, that very first night, with reassurance that the Games would never turn her into a killer, and she had betrayed that. She had built him a memorial, to show to the Gamemakers that there was still something human left in the Arena, and discarded that just as easily. Instead, he merely asks “What happened?”

It’s easy to talk, for she sees it every time she closes her eyes. “I…it seemed like there was nothing left to do. Nothing left to fight for except what the Games told us to—and so I did. The Feast happened, and she must have been poisoned, and it was killing her. So I killed her—but it wasn’t to be kind, to end the pain,” she says, cutting off his response. “I wish it was, but it wasn’t. I was scared, and it felt like there was nothing I could do, and none of that is justification…”

“It’s not justification. It’s the Games.”

“I—don’t understand. It might have been the Games, but I was still the one who-“

“No.” There’s an edge to his voice that she’s never heard before. “Don’t think that way, Snow. Maybe I am just the plant guy, but—here, look,” he says, turning back to the flower he’d been nursing. Its brilliant red leaves are stained with brown and black, visibly sagging, a petal falling to the ground. “Sarcodes sanguinea, from the mountain ranges. It’s dying. It was never meant to survive here.”

“So what?”

His gaze is earnest and almost pleading. “We’re not meant to survive here either. They tell us that, from the very start. For everything that’s living here, that we’re trying to show off just to make the Capitol stew, there’s five that aren’t because of their efforts. Like Sarcodes here—no chlorophyll. Without the fungus, it physically can’t keep going. Are you going to blame it because it doesn’t have the resources it needs?”

The metaphor might be a touch heavy-handed, but she still allows herself a small smile. “No. That’s…that’s one of the first rules of the ER. No questions besides the necessary ones, and no blame. It doesn’t matter why they’re hurt, why they’re sick. Just that we can help.” She speaks as a doctor for the first time in days, and—to her surprise—finds herself believing it. 

“Exactly! Now, I think we could probably make space for you in the documentary—Clearly-Not-Snow, or maybe Artificial Snow…”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry, but…I can’t. I can’t stay here any longer. I need to be done with fighting, done with the Capitol and the Districts for-“ She hesitates, checking for a watch left back in District 8- “well, I don’t know how long.”

“You’re leaving,” he says.

“Yes,” she says sadly. “I don’t know where. Somewhere far away. But you said you worked outside Panem, too, right? Outside the Districts, on the very edge of the border? Who knows, maybe once this is all over—if it’s ever all over—we’ll see each other again there. Can only be so many people roaming the outskirts.”

He laughs. “You’d be surprised. I don’t have anything to give you right now, except good luck, so I’ll give you that.”

“Thank you.” Snow moves to go, then stops, looking back. “Really. Thank you. I don’t think I’d have made it through the Games—or after them, even—without you.”

[mydearestreaderfanfics]

Love is in Bloom (Satoshi Isshiki x Reader)

Warnings: injury

Word Count: 1,210

Prompt/Request: N/A

Summary: In a world where soulmates grow flowers from where there soulmate gets hurt, you find yourself trying to understand the floweres. Perhaps they might just lead you to your soulamte.

Author: Mod Alex

The first time you can remember truly experiencing your soulmark was in middle school. If you’d had one earlier you couldn’t remember it. It was 5th period and you were doodling as the teacher lectured when you felt it- a burning sensation like you’d never felt before began creeping from the back of your hand over to the side of your hand. A quick glance down assured you of the blood orange tinted begonias that had begun to spread. Tears had pricked at your eyes and you asked to be excused to the restroom in hopes that no one would notice. You’d been worried then, not because you didn't know what was going on, no you’d seen your parents bare each others scratches as flower buds before. No, what scared you was how big the wound seemed, and god, how much it hurt. How could your soulmate stand it? How did they get hurt? You wanted to clasp them close so they didn’t feel as alone as you did here in the cold bathroom stall with sunset colored flowers bursting from the back of your hand. You’d felt the pain they had, and as you later found out, the flowers had been trying to tell you what had happened to them.

The next memorable time your soulmark showed up was when they hurt their palm, the same hand as last time. It was a bright cheery Calendula this time. At first, you thought it was a daisy. The pain was different this time too, the burning feeling wasn’t there, instead, it felt like the time you’d landed on a rock and slashed open your knee. Had they been scared then? Did all of your blood translate to bright yellow flowers to them then? I sat brushing my fingers over the delicate petals, plucking one with curiosity. Nothing seemed to change. I wondered then something I’d never really cared to think about before- what did the flower even mean. Mayhaps it was just random?

You found yourself studying flowers as you got older. You studied them ruthlessly, begging them to share their secrets with you. After many years they did. That’s what got you here you suppose. In this strange school filled with strange people. They all had different things that they study with the same rigor you do. Some found themselves in spices, others gastronomy, but none of them studied the flowers, not like you anyways. You wanted to heal your soulmate back then but you hadn’t known how. Now you could heal everyone with your cooking, but still, your soulmate was just out of reach. Where could they be?

“(Y/N)-chan, I’ll show you your room.” “Oh, thank you Megumi.” She left you be so you could get settled into your new room. It wasn’t much, but you could already tell it would be home. No one else was here, Megumi had just waited up so she could be here to greet you. You could already tell you two would be fast friends. “Tadokoro, could you come out here for a second?” A warm voice called from outside and you padded over to the window to see who it had come from. “Wha-?! Is he naked?!” A giggle pulled you away from the window. “Don’t worry, (Y/N)-chan, that’s just Isshiki-senpai. His attire might be, um, a little odd, but I promise he’s actually really nice. You should come meet him.” “If you say so.” You trudged along behind her to the expertly kept garden in the backyard of the dorm. “Ah, Tadokoro there you are, could you help me- oh, hello! You must be the new student.” How was it that his smile seemed to be just as bright and warm as the sun overhead. You turned your head, blushing. “Yeah, that’s me.” Sensing your slight discomfort, Megumi stepped in, bless her and her kindness. As they talked, you crept away to inspect the garden. No flowers. How unfortunate. Ah, but there was a good deal of other plants. It really was quite impressive if you were being honest. Having noticed your absence, Isshiki came over to you. “I’m quite proud of it, I actually spend most of my time here. I have to skip class most of the time for that but...” “Wait, you just skip class?” He smiled that same melting smile at you and you couldn’t help but think he was a bit like a sunflower. Strong, bright, and cheery. “If I didn’t the garden wouldn’t be this well tended to.” “But what about your classes?” “Isshiki-senpai, watch out!” “Huh?” He turned just in time for the handle of the hoe to come into contact with his forehead, the force of which caused him to stumble backward and fall onto his bum with an ‘oof’. “Oh my gosh, I-I’m so sorry! I tripped! Are you okay, senpai?” You knelt next to him to assess the damage as Megumi fretted. “Megumi, if you’d please get the first aid kit.” “O-of course.” You pulled his head onto your lap so you could more easily help him, it also gave him a solid surface to rest against that wasn't the hard ground. His forehead was swelling quickly and there was a small trickle of blood. “I need to check if you have a concussion, do you feel dizzy?” “No.” “Nausea?” “No.” “Disoriented or fatigued?” “No and no.” “Any sort of a headache?” “Well it hurts, but no more than it should.” “That’s good if you’d stay still for a moment so I can check your eyes.” His eyes were a shockingly beautiful cyan, but thankfully his pupils were both the same undilated size. “I think you'll be okay, we just have to get the bleeding to stop and then try and get the swelling to go down. It could have been wor- why are you laughing?” Isshiki was indeed giggling gleefully. He raised his hand to gently brush the tangerine colored petals that had begun to form over the center of your forehead. “So you’re the one.” In your haste to help him, you hadn't even noticed the dull ache that had spread over your head. Your own hand flew up to your forehead and you smiled. “I guess I am.”

Bonus:

“And if you mix in just a little bit of water with the flower petals after you've dried them out you can make a poultice.” You applied the mixture to his wound. “Butterfly weed is excellent for bringing down swelling and aiding in the healing process.” “Hmm? You didn’t even have to look up what the plant was?” “Of course not. I learned the use behind basically every flower. I had a lot of hands-on practice, y’know since you seemed to get hurt so much.” You jutted your hip out to look more scolding than you really were. In all honesty, you were just glad you’d finally found him so you could help. He smiled apologetically at you. “I’m sorry you've had to deal with so many flowers.” You waved your hand dismissively and went to sit next to him. He pulled you into a side hug and you snuggled closer enjoying the newfound affection. “Don’t be, I’m just glad I finally found you.”

[Author's Note: Medical uses of flowers in the story are as follows- Begonia's help heal burns, Calendula's are antihemorrhagics, and Butterfly Weed helps ease swelling and help in the healing process.]

[emeraldbirdcollector]

More flower language

Someone suggested that Neville would be the sort of person to declare his love entirely through Victorian flower language. I thought about it, and figured out why that would be necessary…

She hadn’t gone to the lake hoping to see him there. Of course she hadn’t. Ever since Hannah had come back to Hogwarts, everything had been upside down, wrong, and horrible, and the worst part had been the way he’d been avoiding her, cold and distant. So cold, after…she closed her eyes and nearly cried, remembering the way he’d hugged her the day they’d said goodbye, the day the horrible news came about her mother, the way he’d held on to her just a little too long, the way she’d treasured the memory of the way his arms had felt around her all year until she’d finally been able to come back….only to find that he’d seemed to have forgotten even that they were friends, let alone teetering on the verge of more. So she hadn’t expected him to be there in their safe, quiet place, where they’d spent so much time talking about everything and nothing.

But there he was, kneeling by the water, his attention focused intently on something in his hands. He put whatever it was down, softly, and lifted his hands, murmuring, in a voice Hannah could barely hear, “Go on, little guy. Be free. You’ll be safer here.”

The shape moved, in one great hop reaching the water and swimming away, and with a shock, Hannah recognized it. “You’re letting Trevor go?” she asked, horrified, forgetting the distance between them.

Neville’s head jerked around to see her, startled. He looked at her for a minute, a stunned expression on his face, and then gathered himself together and stood up, brushing the mud off of his robes. “Yeah. I had to.”

“But you love that toad! How can you…?” She broke off. “I’m sorry, Neville, that’s none of my business, I didn’t mean…”

“No. I mean, it’s all right.” He bit his lip and looked down for a moment, then looked back at her, straight into her eyes, as he had not done since she came back. “You should know this. Hannah, you know what the Carrows are like, you’ve seen them in action, right?”

She nodded, shuddering a bit. She was one of their favorite targets in her classes with them, thanks to her Muggle mother (oh, Mum, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, they killed you because of me), and she was desperately afraid for her Muggleborn friend Justin, somewhere out there in hiding with his family.

“They’re awful, they’re monsters, and we’ve got to stop them, keep them from doing any more damage than we can prevent until…well, until either Harry comes back or Voldemort comes for us or this whole thing comes to a head one way or another. And I’m a pureblood, I’m safer from them than most, so I’ve got to be one of the people standing up most visibly against them. They won’t hurt me so much - they know pure blood is rare, and they want to preserve as much of it as they can.”

“So you’re just going to throw yourself into danger based on that?” She felt her heart twist inside her, thinking of all the things they could do to him without outright killing him.

“Someone has to,” he said quietly, and at that moment she knew that the Hat had made no mistake, whatsoever, by placing him in Gryffindor.

He went on, his eyes firmly, intently on hers. “Trevor doesn’t have that protection, Hannah. And if the Carrows get the idea that they can use him to make me behave - if they get the idea there’s anyone I…really care about who doesn’t have that pureblood protection - they won’t hesitate to torture, even to break someone. Believe me, I know what Death Eaters are capable of, that way.” The corners of his lips quirked up in a bitter, humorless flash of a smile. “I can’t let them see that there’s anyone I…” he swallowed hard, “anyone I love who isn’t a pureblood, isn’t safe from them. Do you understand, Han?”

His voice was tender, soft, and she knew that they were no longer talking about Trevor. There was no way she could push out words past the choking lump that had suddenly appeared in her throat, but she nodded. She did understand. She wanted to throw herself at him, scream at him to stop this all now, keep himself safe, or at least let her fight at his side, not push her back into safety and make her watch them hurt him…but she nodded, hating herself for it.

He reached into the pocket of his robes, and pulled out a much-folded piece of parchment, which he handed to her. “Here. I was hoping I’d be able to give this to you discreetly at some point, and this seems to be as good a time as any. If the Carrows find it, it’s a bit of Herbology drawing practice. I…Hannah, please stay safe, please stay behind the scenes. I know you’ve got as much to fight for as anyone, I remember what they did to your Mum, and I know you’re as brave and capable as anyone in Dumbledore’s Army - but I also know that you’re better than any of us in Potions, and I know you’ve been taking informal lessons from Madame Pomfrey since Justin got Petrified second year, and that makes you invaluable as more than a fighter. We’re all going to get hurt at some point or another - we need you intact to help put us back together. We need you safe…I need you safe. Please, Han, stay safe.”

“We need you, too, you know.” Tears were welling in her eyes, she knew it, but she refused to let them fall in front of him.

“Not in the same way. I’ve got to be on the front lines. But Hannah, if I fall, if they get to me, I just wanted you to know…” He gestured at the parchment she was holding in her hands. “Remember that book Professor Sprout gave you before you went home last year. I’ll see you around.” And he slipped past her and darted off before she had a chance to register that he was leaving.

She looked after him, biting her lip. Damn it. He has to be the Merlin-cursed hero. Why couldn’t I have fallen for some nice, peaceful, unheroic Hufflepuff boy? And then she remembered Cedric, dead too soon precisely because he had been Hufflepuff’s champion, and Ernie, who had been practically spoiling for a fight in Justin’s defense the previous day in “Muggle Studies” class. It’s wartime. A peaceful, unheroic life is far too much to ask, even in Hufflepuff. Best go and borrow some more books from Madame Pomfrey. If I can’t keep them all out of danger, my friends and my family and my…Neville, I can damned well work on learning how to mend them when they get hurt.

She tucked the piece of parchment in the breast pocket of her robes, and headed back to the school. It wasn’t until later, after dinner, with Susan, Ernie and Megan engaged in a vigorous game of Exploding Snap in the Common Room, that she managed to get some time alone in the dormitory to open and read it. The page was full of flower drawings, in his usual meticulously-detailed style, and she puzzled over it for a moment before recalling the book Professor Sprout had given her. Finding its familiar white-and-lavender cover among the books in her trunk, she pulled out Flowers and Flirtations - A Look At Muggle Floral Language and began looking through it.

Let’s see, the first one’s a red tulip, that means…oh. She was glad no one was around, because she was certain she was blushing fiercely. Declaration of love. Her heart was threatening to hammer its way out of her chest, but it calmed down when she found the meaning of the next flower, a striped carnation. “I can’t be with you.” And the dead leaves mean something too, if I’m remembering right - yes, there it is, “sorrow.” Begonia and monkshood…here we are, begonia is “beware” and monkshood is, let’s see,  "a deadly foe is near.“ White heather around a pear branch - that’s “protection,” and the pear branch is my wand wood, so it’s me. And purple hyacinth - “forgive me.” The cherry branch is his wand wood - his signature, I guess.

Here, in private, she could let the tears fall, and they did. Oh, my heart, what if we never get a chance at this? What if they kill you before I can…oh, Merlin, Godric, Helga, whoever’s listening, please keep him safe!

But for now, her more practical self reminded her, better reply, so he knows how you feel, at least.

She didn’t notice the Fat Friar hovering over her shoulder, nor, wrapped up in her drawing as she was, did she feel it when he raised his hands in benediction over her and slipped away, smiling to himself.

“Neville Longbottom, stop that pacing this instant. You’re driving me nuts.” Ginny Weasley scolded, pointing her quill at him in a threatening manner. “Sorry, Gin.” He ran his hands through his hair and flopped down in an armchair next to hers, looking moodily at the fire.

“What’s eating you, anyway?” she asked curiously.

“I’ve done something ridiculously stupid, that’s all, and I’m afraid it was all for nothing.”

“Stupid as in, ‘liable to get my older brothers to laugh at you,’ or stupid as in ‘liable to get us all killed by the Carrows?’”

“Liable to get Hannah in danger, if any of the Carrows can read Muggle flower language.”

Ginny leaned forward conspiratorily, her eyes sparkling. “You sent her a love letter, didn’t you.” His blush was all the confirmation she needed. “So spill. What did she say?”

“I haven’t heard back from her yet. For all I know, she’s struggling to find a way to let me down gently. She should, anyway. If the Carrows ever find out…oh, Ginny, I’m an idiot, and a selfish idiot to boot. They’ll hurt her.”

“They’re not going to find out. They don’t deign to interest themselves in anything Muggleish, you know. And you know we’re all at risk, every day, and the likelihood that any of us are going to survive this year is…well, smaller than we’d all like it to be. If you end up dead, and you’ve never told her…”

“Maybe it would have been better that way. I don’t know, Gin, I don’t. Nothing’s clear anymore.”

She put a sympathetic hand on his arm. “Don’t I know it.”

Just then, Dobby came through, on his usual evening rounds, duster in hand. He approached Neville and said, in a conspiratorial whisper, “Good evening, Master Longbottom, Mistress Weasley. Dobby has a note for Master Longbottom, from Nibsy, who says it is from Mistress Abbott, but not to tell the Carrows. Dobby has not. Dobby will not.” He held out a folded square of parchment, and then went on his way, humming cheerfully as he went.

Ginny raised her eyebrows teasingly at Neville, who was blushing again as he opened the parchment. There were fewer pictures on this one than on the one he had sent her, but the first flower of all made him breathe a sigh of deep relief. Ambrosia. Your love is returned. Whatever else happens, I have that.

Ginny saw the sigh, and grinned at him. “It’s all right, then? All right, I’ll leave you alone to get all sentimental over it, while I go pretend I can write to Harry.” The last sentence came out with more bitterness than she had intended, because she tried to soften it with a smile, but couldn’t quite manage it.

“He’s out there, Gin. He’s out there, and safe, and he’ll come back. I know it.”

“I hope so. Because otherwise I’m going to have to hunt him down and kill him, and I don’t want that.” She tossed her red hair behind her, and left for the girls’ dorm.

Neville shook his head ruefully at her, then turned back to the note. Ambrosia, then azalea- what’s azalea? He headed into the boys’ dorm, and found the book under his bed. “Look after yourself for me.” I’ll do my best. For you.  You give me something to live for, anyway. And next…garlic and mistletoe, which are…“courage,” and “surmounting difficulties.” And then daisy twined with her wand wood for a signature, that’s “loyal love”, I don’t even have to look that one up. Hannah, love, when this is all over, I swear to you, I’ll be the most devoted sweetheart you could ever want. Just hold out for me, please.

Pomona Sprout settled herself in her office chair, and took a deep breath, inhaling the rich green scent that pervaded her greenhouses, living quarters, and office space alike. Another long day over, and no permanent damage done to any of my children, at least. But I still want the Carrows to writhe in the deepest pits of Hell for all eternity. She shuddered, the taste of swallowed fury burning acid in the back of her throat.

The Fat Friar slipped through the door, a kindly smile on his placid face. “I have done my rounds for the evening - all is as well as can be, and the children are nicely settled in. And there is a bit of gossip that may be a comfort to you, if you like to hear it.”

“At this point, anything that promises a bit of comfort is a godsend, Brother Joseph, and you know it. Tell me.”

“Remember that book you gave to my little Abbott and to Longbottom last year, before little Abbott left to see about her mother’s funeral?”

“Yes, of course. I was rather hoping they’d make use of it while she was gone, but…well, things happened.”

“I rather think they have, actually. At least, I caught her reading a note in what looked to be his drawing style, and made out a red tulip thereon, and the flower she was drawing in response was most decidedly ambrosia.”

Sprout beamed happily. “So love declared, and returned..” She paused a bit, less happily. “Let’s hope they have sense enough to keep it from the Carrows.”

“If they had not, they would have written in plain English. But with luck, when this is all over…”

“When this is all over, we’ll dance at their wedding. If we can ensure the pair of them survive…such a sweet pair they are, too…” She dabbed her eyes, trying to keep the sudden tears from falling.

“Take heart, Pomona, dear, and have faith. We’ll see them through.”

“We had better. He’s like the son I never had, you know, such a talent for Herbology, and the spitting image of poor dear Alice…she would be so proud of him, you know, and Frank too.”

“They would indeed, and if a Friar were permitted to have a daughter, it would be my dear little Abbott. She has just the right sort of heart for him, too, bright and warm and generous with her love as she is. We’ll see them wed one day, I’ll warrant, and when we do, mind you bring extra handkerchiefs, for I suspect you will weep for joy the entire time.”

“That I will, and better tears than I’ve been crying lately, I tell you.” She smiled ruefully at him. “So which of you have been spying on the Carrows this week, and is there any news in that direction?”

“Oh, yes, Sir Nicholas says…” and the conversation drifted quietly to other topics, and to plans to keep their children safe until the war was won.  

[janchriseurope]

Hampton Court Flower Show

Although I really hate gardening... I really love flower shows. We have been to them in Christchurch with Lynnette and Rick, and the Auckland one with Bren. When Mary said she had the opportunity to get tickets for the second day of the Hampton Court show, both Chris and I were delighted. We planned our trip around this date

The day dawned bright and clear with a slight wind. We had a leisurely start, waiting for the bus run to be completed, then headed to the flat at Wimbledon, where we would leave the car for the day. From there, we took the train to the Hampton Court station. We decided to take the boat to the gate to save 15 min walk. Chris can now say he’s been on the Thames!

People were streaming into the site by boat and foot. Pink was the colour of the day. With tents and everything official in what we in Nz would call breast cancer pink!!

Mary and Chris A went their was and Chris W and I headed through the throngs to look at the displays.

The show was set out over 25ha with waterway in between. There was a natural flow to the area which made it relatively easy to get around and see the stalls and displays. However, if I never see one of those plastic cube trundles again it will be far too soon!! You took your ankles and live at risk every time you moved!!

The first tent we went into was the roses. Wow - packed with amazing roses and shoulder to shoulder with hot people!! I was given a David Austin catalogue. Not that I’ll be buying roses any time soon but one can dream...

We got out of the rose tent quickly and headed over the bridge, nice and orderly- to the left those going over one side, right side those returning.

We had an ice cream because Chris W had the start of a migraine and it helped cool his head. He was able to see after about 20 minutes!! Interesting photos taken in this state!!

Around the stalls, everything from gloves for little people to equestrian gear. Know you’re in England now .. I do like the cut of the jackets.

We came across a cheese stall ... yum. Wensleydale cheese with lemon and honey, mature cheddar and cheddar with mustard and beer. Guess what we carted around for the rest of the day. The cheeses were about 5 cm round by the same deep. Having eaten the aged cheddar with dinner tonight, I can tell you it was worth the effort... thanks CW!!! Lol 😂

The largest tent held all sorts of amazing flowers, cactus, and plants. Right inside were the gladdies... I want them ... will be checking out the catalogue with anticipation! The sweet peas ohh was tempted to buy a mixed packet but really don’t want to even think about customs on the way home!! Then there were the tuberous begonias and the LIlies ... did I happen to mention that I actually hate gardening??? Oh yeah I did ...

The Bonzai trees were a wonder ... patience, foresight, inspiration, confidence and... green fingers - non of which I have!! What truly got me gobsmacked was the “weeds” they were selling .... this is the stuff I grow well until Beachy looks, takes a deep breath, and says, nope it’s a weed!!!! Apparently wild woodland was the theme... taken to heart by most of the displays.

Outside in the trade areas were lots of different styles glass houses and gazebos. I didn’t think English suburbs had enough room in their back yard for these. Some were rustic, others Mediterranean and others just plain weird.

Highlight of this area was the wee electric mower that mowed each day... all by its self.. using algorithms and strategically placed wires. Yeah... naaa!!

Into the country style tent with all the goodies for sale. Everything from fresh water pearls to old maps, scarves to Yorkshire woollen coats ... Lisa would have loved the orange plaid one. I bought a necklace to replace my pretty glass one that broke when I knocked it off the dresser in Brugges.

Message sent to Mary that we were sitting outside the pavilion with a cold drink. She joined us and we continued our wander after a well earned sit. Chris found Pork scratching ... phew hot and spicy.. I found mince square .. there were all sorts of pies but they were cold. The mince square, aka fly cemetery for Coasters, was beautifully flavoured but in a short crust. Good but I make better lol 😂

On we wandered. There were several cheese stalls but we had enough and didn’t want to be tempted. Dodging prams, people with wire supports for plants, bloody cubes, zimmerframes, motorised chairs and baby buggies, it was a trail for any saint. I found I got very sarcastic when yet another bloody cube tried to run me over or decapitate my ankles!!!

We finally, about 4.45, decided enuf was enough and headed to find a seat and a drink. We messaged Chris A to say there was a beer for him ... London Pride... if he could find us... good lad, within minutes he appeared and we commandeered a picnic table. Major accomplishment by Mary because the place was packed. Two beers, Pimms and a wine later, we were almost human and ready to launch out on the last leg towards the gate.

A noticeable thing was the number and variety of gins stalls. Not being a gun drinker this didn’t appeal .. also Pimms.. which I do like and did have one... only one at £7!!! It was lovely and cold and I rinsed our the cup with water to get thoroughly hydrated.

We decided to walk to the train station and have a quick look at the castle. Wow huge place it goes on forever... CW said he would have got bored as a bricky because the buildings were so big.

Mary was keeping tabs on the cricket ... shame the NZers playing weren’t as conscientious.....

Chris wandered out the gate, heading the wrong direction and I called to him.. two ‘Bobbies’ were standing there and asked if they could help him .... No thanks I’m just a lost Kiwi.... just like the cricket team... the bobbies were very polite and didn’t rub it in.

Onto a 10 carriage train back to Wimbledon to the car and home. Very weary travellers.

CA and Mary put together a wonderful cold collation, shrimps, salmon, ham, salad, cheeses, bread and crackers. What a feast. Mary and I had a lovely bubbly and an early night... after a little tennis watching.... was had!!

[chickenfetus]

HI!!! i like to request ALL of the flowery asks! btw i LOVE ur blog and maybe u????? idk 🌸🌸 (jk i love u alot)

who is this????????/ under cut bc i get rambly 

azalea: what’s one word that describes you?

lame lmao

baby’s breath: what did you want to be when you were a kid?

honestly? my answer’s like yours jen because i wanted to be an astronaut but also a vet and then a few years later i wanted to be something else of a whole different profession but now i know what reality is like and i have no clue what i wanna be whoops

begonia: are you a messy or clean person?

i hate seeing my desk/workspace be messy but i cant bring myself to clean it up either???? bc im lazy 

bleeding heart: has your heart ever been broken?

hMMMMm mmm idk i dont think so

bluebell: do you drink tea or coffee?

i drink tea more than i drink coffee but i drink water more than i drink tea i drink water like. everyday lmao obviously but i drink a lot of water its my brand now

buttercup: what are five things that make you apologetically happy?

what does this mean why is the word apologetically there i cancelled it lmao no negativity in this house

my favorite people (u know who + my friends)

when people answer my anon asks and . they respond with a long reply/seem really happy responding thats my fav fam

this is getting real anime but when i get an UR/4* from scouting 

finding an anime/manga/book that perfectly suits my taste

im very tempted to just say water bc idk what else 2 say 

calla: what’s your favorite book?

ive only read 3 whole books this year but i recommend all of them 

challenger deep - neal shusterman (i could go on about this book for days honestly its so interesting and even though its told by the same person it has two kind of perspectives because there are two settings, that didnt make sense but this book is my new favorite)

see you in the cosmos - jack cheng (i love this one too because its just so warm? made me a little emo but its really good and i love how unique it is, text type wise)

a monster calls - patrick ness (this was something i heard from my school first so i didnt know if i really wanted to get it but its actually pretty good?) 

carnation: what are your five most played songs?

i cant really check using the music app bc i added the songs at different timings so itll be inaccurate ill just do most played song from each band/group

again - astro (this is their best song dont @ me)

letting go - day6

all in/stuck - monsta x

death by a strawberry - dance gavin dance

check yes juliet - we the kings

chrysanthemum: what are you afraid of?

i may not b a child but im still afraid of the dark bc my imagination is wild im also afraid of bugs and disappointing others nice oh shit im also afraid of asking for things

daffodil: what’s your astrological sign?

capricorn 

dahlia: what’s your favorite band?

this question was made for me its day6

daisy: which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most?

ive never watched friends 

dandelion: are you an extrovert or an introvert?

in between!!!!!

geranium: how has your day been?

its been good!!! i managed to ask my mum 2 take me to hair place so i can get it cut finally and im working on updating my tumblr pages and doing all my tags

hydrangea: what’s your dream job?

pass

iris: who’s your celebrity crush?

pass

lavender: what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received?

oH FUCK FAM my friends got me a kermit toy for my birthday i lvoe it 2 dEATH

lily: what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of?

i got first in my class once wow amazing that was 2 years ago i wish i was as good as the me from 2 years ago 

marigold: what would you like to do more of, but don’t ?

well i want 2 b more hardworking but guess thats too late

morning glory: are you an early bird or a night owl?

now that school is over and i have no reason to wake up early ive become neither which is saddening because... i like waking up at 7am on weekends and doing things early but now i wake up at like 9-10am and i still sleep at 11pm  

orchid: what’s the last movie you saw?

i really dont remember?? maybe uh guardians of the galaxy?? i dont remember who i watched it with and when but it was good actually i remember who i watched it with nvm 

pansy: do you believe in love at first sight?

i dont really believe in romantic love anymore 

peony: what does your url mean?

chicken fetus means an egg

periwinkle: what are you thankful for?

god get ready folks im gonna go on my biggest boxy rant ever...

so boxy is my friend who ive been mutuals for over a year and our first common interest is love live and haikyuu so we had that to talk about but im bad at keeping conversations with ppl on tumblr so that ended quickly but earlier this year or late last year i made a twitter and told people on here about it and she followed me and i didnt really mind/pay attention to the stuff she posted/rted uNTIL. until that fateful day... june 25th... at like 8pm? she rted a pic of mister brian kang with dumb minion glasses on and ok maybe i do believe in love at first sight? bc wow!!!!! whos this dumbass with minion glasses and the fluffiest hair ??? so i slide into boxy’s dm.. expecting an explanation and she gives me a good one saying how brians from a band (i would later find out), day6 and im not a fan of kpop, never have been.. ive only watched like some kpop mvs bc i love my friends so i expect myself to listen to them and get over them as soon as im done. boxy my friend, bless HER she sends me all of their mvs from congratulations to i smile and i watch the first one - i smile and me? i start smiling and i can feel myself getting excited because holy fuck theyre a band! they play fucking instruments??? and at this point im already whipped then i move onto how can i say and that shit blew my mind let me tell you.. so because of boxy... i get to where i am now, proudly stanning 3 groups and if it were not for her i wouldve never gotten into mx as well... boxy is just?? really important to me her impact is just that great?? so im super!! sUPER thankful for her and i dont think she’ll ever see this but boxy i love u thank u so much!! boxy gave me more than one reason to live, and not just exist?? without her i wouldve never been able to make so many (like 2 but hEY) new friends and this probably got so long idk im just really thankful for boxy thank u lord for blessing us with boxy (@/youngkwhom on twitter) (kittenma on tumblr) i hope shes happy forever and i also hope she has good days for the rest of her life?? boxy deserves it i lvoe u boxy

petunia: where were you ten years ago?

10 years ago i was like 6 probably watching pokemon or some shit and getting glasses

poinsettia: where would you like to be in ten years?

dead thanks

poppy: what’s your online persona?

i dont understad the meaning of persona but an egg?????? 

rose: who’s the last person you spent quality time with?

all my classmates in an exam hall for 2 hours, quality time indeed

snapdragon: what are your goals?

pass

sunflower: what’s your favorite quote?

i think i had one before but i forgot so maybe it wasnt my favourite lol idk i dont have one now

tulip: if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

for all of my favourite people to be happy forever

a good future

i want astro, mx and day6 to get an award for all of their hardwork thanks

violet: what’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

i was gonna say smth negative but lets not hm m m i? ?? ill put smth irl ppl probably dont know either uh hhh i guess?? that i eat a lot?? but also get full really quickly but then really hungry right after that idk thanks digestion

zinnia: do you believe in magic?

no ????/ idk is there any evidence that magic exists 

JEN !!! thank u so much for asking even tho u probably asked just to get back at me but this was still fun ask memes will never get boring bro,. i love u and i hope u have a good evening also i love ur blog too moon anon probably already told u

to anyone who actually bothered reading through this mess - thank you and i hope you have a good day/night too!!

[boof-kun]

All of the flower asks.... pls..

@fuvifai bicep

azalea : what’s one word that describes you ? - tiredbaby’s breath : what did you want to be when you were a kid ? - i wanted to be a doctor and i still want to be one. i kinda want to be a veterinarian though begonia : are you a messy or clean person ? - i tend to be on the cleaner sidebleeding heart : has your heart ever been broken ? - nopebluebell : do you drink tea or coffee ? - i drink chai very occasionally if that countsbuttercup : what are five things that make you apologetically happy ? - playing video games for ten hours straight, sleeping for 12+ hours and having rlly vivid dreams, staying in the shower for a long time bc i like the hot water, sitting in the dark and listening to stuff when im supposed to be asleep, and certain songs that are old/would be embarrassing if ppl found out that i liked them but listening to them anywaycalla : what’s your favorite book ? - carry on (thanks @fuvifai for introducing it to me :3)carnation : what are your five most played songs ? - hhHHH ive been listening to these five a lot over the past day or two but theyre old [mai yamane - tasogare, bay city, yasuha - friday chinatown/aests - fight!, mr. sandman - the chordettes, yung bae - selfish high heels] as for things that i havent listened to in a while but are closer to my usual taste in music [rythmatical - lately, krylic -3am, neso - feelinlonely (this one had a bad word at the beginning :( ), elijah who - we used to talk every night, pep - devagarinho (the lyrics are…..very deep)]

bonus: krapf - my head weighs heavily, fugees - killing me softly, eli filosov (p h i l o - oneofone (rwrk)

chrysanthemum : what are you afraid of ? - there not being anything after dying and the world never endingdaffodil : what’s your astrological sign ? - capricorndahlia : what’s your favorite band ? - dont have onedaisy : which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most ? - no idea :( ive never watched itdandelion : are you an extrovert or an introvert ? - introvertgeranium : how has your day been ? - good, i had a nice talk about biceps ( @fuvifai @avarice3876 ;) )hydrangea : what’s your dream job ? - petting dogs for a livingiris : who’s your celebrity crush ? - dont have onelavender : what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received ? - maybe myphone? im not rlly surelily : what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of ? - not getting hit by a car yetmarigold : what would you like to do more of, but don’t ? - exercise and sleepmoonflower : who inspires you ? - no one reallymorning glory : are you an early bird or a night owl ? - night owlorchid : what’s the last movie you saw ? - ¨glory¨ in history classpansy : do you believe in love at first sight ? - i answered this in the galaxy asks recently ;)peony : what does your url mean ? - i dont like my url but i still do like cats and animeperiwinkle : what are you thankful for ? - having a home and not being scared to walk anywhere outsidepetunia : where were you ten years ago ? - north carolina, i was probably playing with my stuffed animals and running around everywhere like a little demonpoinsettia : where would you like to be in ten years ? - ill probably be going through medical school and maybe starting my residency so hopefully everything goes according to planpoppy : what’s your online persona ? - @fuvifai ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)primrose : if you could share one message with the world, what would it be ? - stop being so mean and c h i l lrose : who’s the last person you spent quality time with ? - my dadsnapdragon : what are your goals ? - to be happy with whatever i end up doing in the futuresunflower : what’s your favorite quote ? - uuuuuhhhh i like these three (i like a whole bunch but limited myself to these) even though they make me sad: ¨And suddenly I get it. I get why people grow up and say they want to go back to their high school years. Because even though those years were filled with self loathing, and depression, and all of the horrors that accompany adolescence, at least we could say we had our whole lives ahead of us. At least we could say we were young and the future was bright¨ and ¨ No sense of the irony of human experience, that we are the highest form of life on earth, and yet ineffably sad because we know what no other animal knows, that we must die.¨ and finally ¨People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.¨ ((i had to look through my saved quotes and i made myself sad help))

tulip : if you had three wishes, what would you wish for ? - for everyone to chill (like damn), for people to be happy, and for some other thing that has to do with me personally?violet : what’s one thing most people don’t know about you ? - uuuuhhh i think i licked my cat once a few years ago?? i dont know why????zinnia : do you believe in magic ? - not really but i do believe in dark/black magic bc of my religion

[nowitsdarkfic]

chapter thirty-six (across the waters)

November 5, 1988. Rochester, New York.

We're back here, and I don't know if Marcia and Sonia are back yet, so as far as I know their shop is locked and Maya is locked in there. Lars takes the first exit leading us towards their upholstery shop and I'm so nervous that I can hardly keep the crustini sandwiches down all the way. I swallow as we reach the street it's on: I recognize the front stairs leading up to Marcia and Sonia's apartment. The rain is still falling down hard upon the roof over our heads, so hard that I'm amazed I can even hear Spence's voice.

“I say the three of us back here go in there to check it out,” he volunteers.

“Just you guys?” I ask him, peering into the rear view mirror.

“Yeah, man,” Billy offers. “She's lived with us for a while. We know how to put a handle on her.”

We pull up to the curb before the shop, which, to my surprise, is bright lit, even though Marcia and Sonia are still back around Buffalo as far as I know. Lars then yanks on the lever between us. He peers over his shoulder, his wet hair still clinging to the sides of his face and neck.

“Have at it, gentlemen,” he encourages them. Spence climbs out first, followed by Barney and Billy. The door shuts behind them and we watch them bow their heads against the rain as they walk up to the front door.

“Really hope she hasn't done anything horrific in there,” I wonder aloud.

“I doubt it,” he says in a soft voice. “Maya is a writer, and she is a pacifist as a result. She doesn't believe that war or violence or anything like that is the answer. Her mantra is if you want to fight for something, you use your words and your heart. She's a profound writer that way.”

I turn to the sight of him with his forearm on the top of the steering wheel.

“I don't understand, Lars. Why didn't you tell me all of this before?”

“Well—the answer, while twofold, is very simple, actually. Part of it comes from the fact that, like you, I am still trying to figure her out. She fell off the radar for as long as she did and I had my work cut out for me. The other side of it is—and this is the not so simple part, now that I think about it. I haven't really had anyone to speak to about it.”

“Well, yeah, you've told me that before but it's still—it's still—”

“Hard to swallow?”

“Eh—yes, actually.”

“Well, Joey—” He smiles and sticks the tip of his tongue into the corner of his mouth. “Man, I should've known.”

“Should've known what?”

“How eager you are. Like I remember hearing about you the first time, and how quick you learned all the songs Anthrax brought up to you when you guys were recording your first album together. You are what is known as a 'sponge,' in that like a kitchen sponge, you absorb things rather quickly. That is a talent so many do not have because young children are primarily known for being sponges. My wife, meanwhile—as much as I don't want to say this—is a 'stone', blocking anything new and as a result it goes in one ear and out the other. Sponges drink the water, stones let it pass them by.”

I still have that sentiment Maya wrote in that first edition of her zine firmly imprinted on my mind. Maybe this is what she meant by that: she wants to know things like how I wish to know more. She doesn't want to drown because she doesn't want to lose that ability, that ability so reminiscent of being a young child and being so open. Of course. It makes sense.

I stare back out the window to the upholstery shop, at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling on the inside.

Surely, she's got to be in there.

“Joey, when you get the chance,” Lars starts again, still in a soft voice, “look out my window.”

I turn my head to find him peering out his. I follow his gaze to across the street.

“Bunch of buildings?”

“Past that.”

I gaze beyond the little places across the street to the stretch of darkness that is Lake Ontario. Embedded in the lake effect fog is a single line of blue and green neon lights, all of them hovering over the water. Despite the rain, they're bright, as bright as they were in the University District of Seattle. The sight of them is enough to make me shiver.

“Headed your way,” he says in a near whisper, a tone of voice so soft, I have to lean closer to him to hear him. “Headed your way from across the waters.”

“Or so they think,” I answer, my face within a couple of inches from his ear. “So they wish.”

He slowly turns his head to look at me right in the eye. I swallow at the sight of his green eyes piercing into the fabric of my very being. I then pull my head back from him and straighten myself out. His gaze never wavers as I sink back into the seat.

“By the way—you heard this from me, too,” he starts again, this time in a louder voice, “I'm gonna tell you this right now—what happened to Brick was no accident.”

“How so?”

“Think about it. You find something huge about his family that you didn't know about before—shortly thereafter, he gets badly hurt, so much that he ends up in the hospital and Spencer has to give him a bunch of his blood. Maxwell Industries—his last name is Maxwell. Does this make any kind of sense to you?”

“Yeah, and also no.”

“What's hanging you up then?”

“Because I know Brick. He's not involved in any conspiracy or anything like that. That's ridiculous.”

“Oh? Oh, you think it's ridiculous? Was his family well off?”

“Yeah, okay, they were. Still are. Growing up, they were the robust immigrant family from Quebec, but as far as—something like that? Having a huge company that wants to pervade everything? Meh. I don't see it. I don't buy it.”

“From Quebec, you said?”

“Yeah. I have so many memories of going over to his house on the weekends so we could play hockey and his parents always threw French phrases at me. We'd play out in the backyard, where they had this big flower garden on the side of the yard, and—” The memory's coming back to me now. “—oh God, one time I remember we were messing around with our hockey sticks and we were getting a little too close to the begonias, and his mom opened the kitchen window and she was like 'sacre bleu! You keeds! Geet ze 'ell out of zere!'” That gets a laugh out of him.

“Do you remember what his parents did? Like for work?”

“I don't,” I confess. “All I know is they had enough with them to move down from… Sherbrooke, I think it was called, over to—literally, of all places in upstate New York—Oswego. I remember they always had something to eat, and some things just never change.”

“Right? By the way, do you still—have—” He gestures to my jacket and take out the two little crustini sandwiches I had slipped into the interior. He takes them both with both of his index fingers and thumbs.

“Never got the second batch.” He's about to pop one into his mouth when he hesitates.

“You said—her mother is my landlady, right?” he asks me, reluctant. “My landlady down in New Orleans.”

“Candace's mother is your landlady,” I correct him. “Pertaining to Maya, I have no idea.”

He pauses again, the sandwiches in his fingers, and a glimmer in his eye. Suddenly I'm feeling the arrowhead pendant on the inside of my shirt.

“Don't even think about it,” I tell him off.

“Let's pay her a little visit, shall we?” he follows up as soon as the words leave my lips.

“Dammit.”

“What? Just a little visit in the morning. We can have tea.”

“I don't want tea.”

“The shit you say.”

He squints his eyes at me.

“You don't wanna go back to New Orleans, don't you.”

“Not right now. Not with a raging hurricane down there right now, no.”

“I'm sure the storm has long passed, Joey. The sole thing you would perhaps worry about down there the most is a bit of a flood and getting your pants wet.”

“Alright, fine. As long as it gets me back into the restaurant to perform again. I think they like my singing.”

He gapes at me.

“Hang on, hang on, that was you?”

“Well, who else would it be?”

“True. Anyways, tomorrow morning, we shall take the next wormhole down to the French Quarter. But until then, I am bunking with Marcia and Sonia right around the corner. You can join us if you would like, Joey.”

“No, thanks. I'll—sleep in my own bed tonight.”

“Alright. Oh, right, right, I gotta take the three of them home, too—speaking of which, here they come—”

He pops the one in his right hand into his mouth as the back door behind me swings open. Billy and Barney pile in first, followed by Spence.

“Well?” I ask them.

“Well what?” Barney retorts.

“She's not here,” Spence replies.

“Are you shitting me?” Lars demands with his mouth full.

“Nope. Place is pristine, too, like she cleaned everything and straightened everything out.”

“Just like how she did with my apartment…” I mutter under my breath.

“It was weird, too. Walking in there and seeing all the tulles and spools neat and trimmed nicely. Even the threads on the loom in the back were wiped clean. But we searched for her, though. We finally got out of there because the three of us were feeling the heebie jeebies from it being so clean and quiet in there.”

I nibble on my bottom lip as Lars gazes on at me with the other crustini in his fingers.

“Taking you guys home,” he says, pushing down the parking lever.

[girllovescomic]

Winter Begonia recap episode 30

The episode start with Fan Lian announcing that as thank you to the fans for voting for him as Liyuan Best Performer, the troupe will perform for three days at half price.�� It is a nice gesture, but I am sure the fans would have willingly bought the tickets at full price or more for a chance to see the new superstar.  A strange familiar man lurks behind the crowd, looking sketchy as fuck.  Who could that be?

Meanwhile, Er Ye brings his sister, Cha Cha’er to the opera.  Everyone greets the third miss while shit starter Shi Jiu is trying to coax CFT by flattering Cha Cha’er for getting prettier.  I see you woman! CFT tells the troupe that his sister is on break so he decided to bring her to the most fun place in Beiping.  His hubby responds that of course his opera is the most fun entertainment.  You two need to stop.  #Foreveralone. Rui Rui asks best girl to get a chair so his husband can sit down, but Er Ye (I love how Rui Rui says Er Ye) declines.  Meanwhile Cha Cha’er is about to commit a grave crime, as she touches Rui Rui’s costume. Rui Rui looks at her as if he saw a zombie horde coming his way.  Both best girl and hubby tell her not to play with the costume, to simply look with her eyes.  LOL, Er Ye knows how precious the costumes are to his bae as he pleads with his sister.

  Fan Lian comes in and informs Rui Rui that since he has won the title of Best Performer, businessmen are flocking to him to advertise their products.  At first Rui Rui is dismissive, telling best girl to fetch some tea.  Fan Lian gets the hint, but then Rui Rui stops him and asks which factories are requesting him. Fan Lian tells him the cigarette factory, perfume, makeup store, fabric store and the soap factory.  Wait, doesn’t he have a godbrother who owns a soap factory?  Whether this influences his change of heart, Rui Rui decides to pick the soap factory as sponsor. Fan Lian is stumped while Rui Rui looks at his Er Ye who gazes back. Seriously, you both need to stop.  I CAN’T. Fan Lian asks if he has really thought it through because he should not disappointed the businessmen.  Rui Rui is like, I won’t back down once I agree, just negotiate the price for me so I won’t suffer losses.  Best girl is like, who is this person and what have you done to my boss? Everyone is stunned by what he is saying. Fan Lian is so ecstatic he tells him he has finally figure out how to hustle and use his fame. He adds that all other lesser talented opera bosses have made records and adverts, it is about time he follows in the pursuit of fame and fortune.  Rui Rui answers he has figured it out, as long as it pays well, he will do whatever.  This gets another double take from best girl who may go fetch an exorcist to find out what possesses her boss.  Fan Lian finally figures it out why Rui Rui is so intent on getting an advertising contract and informs him that his BIL is not that broke. Btw, this whole time, Er Ye is either staring at his bae or listening to his somewhat useless BIL.  Fan Lian states that right now, Er Ye is only angry at his wife, so his financial situation is not as precarious.  Rui Rui asks if it is true.  AWWWWWWWW, he wants to financially support his bae.  Our Rui Rui is truly growing up. Er Ye is like hmm...what? Oh yeah, I have cash, loads of it. He can go home whenever and get it.  LOL, Er Ye, the fuck are you talking about?! Rui Rui pouts and I live. 

Fan Lian continues to discuss the reversal in Rui Rui’s behavior towards adverts, telling Er Ye that he truly considers himself his money tree so he can take care of him. Er Ye is preoccupied by Cha Cha’er who is spending time with backstage with the actors while Fan Lian states that due to Rui Rui’s innocence, he can easily be taken advantage by people who lack conscience.  LOL, Er Ye is like who are you talking about, but Fan Lian is quick to mention he wasn’t talking about him, referring to the former members who easily stole from him. Fan Lian realizes that Rui Rui enjoys treating his bae thus willing to do things he wasn’t earlier.  Preoccupied, Er Ye replies that it is normal for Rui Rui to seek out opportunities to make commercials and records while still famous, it was only his personality that stopped him from doing so.  Er Ye, babe, the fuck? You know and the world knows Rui Rui’s only motivation to go against his former reluctance is you.  If you had come to his house, broke af, he would probably have not agreed to do the adverts, popularity or not.  This shit don’t matter to Rui Rui, only you.  I understand you want the best for Rui Rui and yes, the bae needs to change in his behavior when it comes to the outside world, but let's not act like what Fan Lian is saying does not hold water. Are you too busy watching over Cha Cha’er to see that?  One of the employees come running to him to let him know the police is looking for him. He is surprised to hear that since he didn’t think they would know he was there.  LOL, even the cops knows you spend an enormous amount of time at the Royal Theater with Rui Rui. The employee does not know why the police is here, but knows it’s an urgent matter. Er Ye tells him to ask the cops to wait for him outside behind the building as to not draw attention to their presence.  He tasks Fan Lian to take Cha Cha’er to the private box and look over her.  Geezus xrist, you are asking useless Fan Lian to look over her? God help us all.

Er Ye finds out the reason why the cops are looking for him. Stuttering Gu Lao’er has escaped the prison. HOW? Wait, is that the strange familiar man lurking near the theater we saw earlier? Apparently, stuttering Gu broke out the jail this afternoon and is now on warpath to take down Er Ye.  The police informs he will send people to look over the house. Er Ye tries to give him money but the cop turns it down, saying it is payment for every for all the good he has done for them. Meanwhile, the show goes and we see Cha Cha’er all alone in the private box.  What did I tell you!!! Useless sperm donor Fan Lian not pulling his weight as usual. Of course, right at that moment, we see stuttering Gu dress like a server walking toward the private box.  He calls out to Third Miss and tells Cha Cha’er that Er Ye has asked him to fetch her to come outside.  She is slightly suspicious, but he insist that Er Ye is busy talking with people hence can’t do it himself. We see our Rui Rui looking fierce in his makeup and costume.  His eyes are quite perceptive as he spots Cha Cha’er following stuttering Gu.  He is so protective of Er Ye’s people. SWOON. 

 Er Ye comes back to check on Cha Cha’er and notices she is not there.  He looks everywhere and of course, useless sperm donor waltz out of god knows where and is nonchalantly answers that she was in the private box.  DID YOU LOOK OVER HER? NOPE, you freaking idiot.  YOU HAD ONE JOB. He continues to look and finds the actors who are wondering what is going.  Then a scream comes out of the backdoor and he rushes there.  We see stuttering Gu holding Cha Cha’er at gunpoint while our Rui Rui is holding him at lance point (lol, I just made that up.  I couldn’t figure out how to say it). Rui Rui looks so beautiful and fierce! He tells the stuttering fool that he recognized who he was as the stuttering Second.  LOL.  Gu Lao’er is like I was the second chieftain not stuttering Second! LOL, like Rui Rui would care.  He tells him that he beat the shit out of him before, didn’t he learn his lesson.  Stuttering Gu is like, the fuck are you talking about, I don’t know you. Then he remembers the ‘prostitute’ who beat him up a few episodes ago.  LOL, Er Ye appears and tells him to let go of his Meimei to instead come at him.  Stuttering Gu shoots a warning shot to the floor and stutters to say that he has not wasted, but he can’t say the whole sentence.  Instead, Er Ye completes it for him.  LOL, Er Ye does it again, which enrages the stuttering fool, threatening to kill the third miss.  Er Ye is like, ok fine, I won’t complete your sentences, be cool, put down the gun and lets have a good talk. Stuttering Gu of course has no intention of having a chat, blaming him for losing everything he held dear, so he wants him to taste what is like to lose everything.  Er Ye responds that he is the one stuttering Gu hates and to release his meimei, taking him instead to torture. While talking, fierce Rui Rui looks at his bae, then back at the stuttering kidnapper.  Stuttering Gu tells him he is not stupid to make that exchange, preferring to torture Er Ye by ‘having fun’ with Cha Cha’er. Ugh, we know what that means. Sick fucko. Fierce Rui Rui is ready to hear the signal to pounce on that sick fuck at any moment.  He is practically saying not on his watch will he allow this sick fuck to harm his young sister-in-law! Stuttering Gu tries to kiss Cha Cha’er to prove his point, which gets Er Ye heated, screaming at him.  Gu Lao’er uses his advantage of a firearm to keep his distance from Er Ye and fierce Rui Rui.  He relish seeing Er Ye angry.  However, Er Ye is not falling for his shit.  HIs face changes to regain advantage, to distract stuttering Gu.  He rankles stuttering Gu, poking at his pride, asking if he really thought he was the second chieftain, telling him that people laughed behind his back, calling him an idiot.  Meanwhile, he pushes fierce Rui Rui slightly away, but it is to actually position him to disarm stuttering Gu.  He keeps with the insult that as the desired effect of distracting the bandit while fierce Rui Rui gets close enough to use his weapon to hit the bandit wrist, making him drop the gun.  Cha Cha’er runs to her brother while fierce Rui Rui kicks the bandit to submission.  He is so beautiful as he stands above the bandit. Stuttering Gu calls him a stinky bitch looking for death, but fierce Rui Rui tells him to open his eyes, he’s a dude, so you should look at your master.  LOL.  As he is tied up by Rui Rui, who he still calls a stinky bitch, Stuttering Gu spews some nasty threats at Er Ye. LOL, fierce Rui Rui tells he talks a lot for someone who stutters and kicks him.  The bandit warns Er Ye that he is a bastard and when he gets out of jail, he will rape his meimei, kill her and a bunch of other nasty things. Er Ye knows that if he doesn’t do something drastic, that man will carry out his threats. He tells fierce Rui Rui to take his meimei away and protect while waiting for him in the theater. Er Ye grabs the gun while stuttering Gu continues with his threats.  Er Ye tells fierce Rui Rui to continue on and not look back as he pulls the trigger.  He shoots the bandit, unfortunately Cha Cha’er hear the sound of the gun and screams.  Er Ye you could have waited to make sure she was actually inside the theater!

The next day, he watches over a sleeping Cha Cha’er when Lao Ge comes with all the documents for Cha Cha’er to be sent to Hong Kong.  Lao Ge asks if they should tell Er Nainai about what they are about to do, but Er Ye replies this would only worry her more.  Cha Cha’er overhears the conversation and tells her Gege she will not go because she has a school outing to the park with her friends. CHIIIIIILD, did you already forget how your life was in danger the night before??? Ugh, teenagers!  He tells he should have done this a long time ago, and since he is in a dangerous line of business, Beiping is just not safe for a girl like her. UGH teenagers and their priorities. It’s all about their friends! She asks why her SIL is not leaving as well or isn’t he leaving. Well, because they can take care of themselves and they were not the one who so carelessly left with a complete stranger. Seriously, if fierce Rui Rui was not paying attention to you, God knows what would have happened. He tells her to follow his instruction as the adult and when she continues to insist, he tells her that her presence only makes him anxious, that she should think about it as helping him feel at ease.  Once things cool off, he will get her back.  Sigh, she asks him to promise her that she be allowed to make her own decision when she is grown and not oppose her anymore.  He said fine, while Lao Ge gets teary eyed at the scene. He tells her that she will need to learn to braid her own hair since no one will be there to comb it for her. 

Lao Ge is kneeling in the same spot that Er Nainai had insulted my baby Rui Rui. Ugh, annoying maid is talking and brain shuts off.  Not really, but I truly want it to shut off upon hearing her voice. Er Nainai asks if Lao Ge is still kneeling and annoying maid replies that yes, ever since he came back, he hasn’t move.  Er Nainai tells her to ignore him.  Apparently, she is not only mad that he has been keeping CFT in the loop, but that he didn’t tell about the Cha Cha’er matter. THE HELL WOULD HAVE DONE IF YOU HAD KNOWN?? You would have clutched your pearl and scream on top of your lungs.  Clearly CFT wanted to spare you the horrible things that happened that night.  UGH, I can’t. Annoying maid asks if she wants to go to CFT and discuss the matter, but being stubborn, she thinks this would denigrate her.  Fine, he has his other wifey he can share these type of things with.  In fact, they don’t even need to talk, they have their special silent language. We hear Meixin being book Meixin for a bit, saying it is a good thing Cha Cha’er was sent abroad, what is the big deal.  Annoying maid is like, the heck, should she have sympathy for the third Miss. Lao Han comes in to deliver the news they have found the person they were looking for, aka CFT’s mom. Er Nainai comes out acting as if she is a palace consort, telling Lao Ge not to transgress again and that his wage will be deducted for three months.  Seriously, as much I like her being boss against those truants trying to defraud the agency, as much I think her haughtiness is misplaced in this situation.  Poor Lao Ge. She quickens her pace to meet with who she believes his mother-in-law.  

Meanwhile, at casa de Rui Rui, wait....Am I seeing correctly? Is Er Ye actually eating with Rui Rui and the troupe? Whoa! On top of that, our Rui Rui is trying to feed him, urging to eat while Er Ye seems to be deep in thoughts.  He is worried about his meimei wondering where she is now, that she should now be on the ship.  Btw, can they stop panning to Shi Jiu? What is the director trying to say? It bothers me because it feels unnecessary.  Anyhoo, Rui Rui is like, honey, why are you fretting, it’s only been half a day, chin up! If he is already like this, how will go on from now.  If he is so sullen, why not bring her back.  LOL, Er Ye changes face, glowering at his bae slightly and tells him no way! Make up your mind Er Ye!  LOL, did Rui Rui call him insane? Pot meet kettle.  He asks why did he send her so far away, if anything happens he can’t reach that place making him more helpless.  He could have left her with Rui Rui, he would have protected her.  I kinda agree with Rui Rui on this; if it wasn’t for him, she would have been harmed for sure. LOL, he stuffs the bun in his mouth while Er Ye glowers. They hear honking and Er Ye sees Lao Han.  He asks where Lao Ge is and the old man tells him that Er Nainai has him doing other things.  RIIIIIIGHT. He tells him that he brought someone and it’s a pretty young woman who turns out to be his mother’s apprentice. 

The troupe is crowding the front door of the house until their leader comes.  LOL, he tries to eavesdrop while the woman tells CFT that her Shifu never mentions she had a family.  He asks what is her name and she mentions it is the same as his mother’s. She explains after her teacher retired, she passed on the name to her. Er Ye asks if she is no longer singing and Chun Xuan explains she only sings selected highlights, but does not have the strength for an entire opera. That seems to sadden Er Ye.  He asks how his mother is doing and the woman replies that she is doing well, has a few apprentices and goes around to perform. She is rejected by the bigger troupes because they think she is too old.  Sigh, that shit still is happening to this day.  Old actresses relegated to play mothers or grandmas, nothing else. The woman informs him that she doesn’t mind it and just sets up a stage in small towns because they sing stories about the countryside and farmers, so they are still popular. Er Ye informs the woman that his mother’s letter was accidentally destroyed and was hoping she could tell him the content of the letter.  She responds that his mother had recorded an album and wrote to friends and family to ask if they wanted a copy as a memento.  She adds it is okay if the letter is destroyed since she came in person to deliver the message and ask if he wants a copy.  Eager Er Ye responds yes, it will be his honor.  Er Ye is so nervous as the woman hands him his mother’s album.  AWWWWWWW, what a great moment.  Sigh, this show. He sends her off and offers his help if she needed to, but she turns him down stating since he is not an actor, what much can he do.  Then he offers to recommend her to a good troupe, but once again, she turns it down, stating that her shifu had to told her performing was to make ourselves happy. She’s the independent woman type, like my Queen Gu Dali!  Rui Rui comes and nods at her, as if it is an actor secret signal.  He asks if this was Er Ye’s mom apprentice.  Er Ye mutters a hmmm, which is basically a yes, and Rui Rui comments the woman is neither submissive or assertive, making her fearless.  He adds that it meant his mother must have been a good performer. Awww, Er Ye is smiling, although there’s a hint of sadness in his eyes. 

They listen to the record. Thank you cameraman and director for the camera shots on our leads.  Wait, the song mentions a Jade Rabbit and my mind goes to the novel, where rabbit basically refers to gay men.  HMMMMMMMMMM.  Also, the focus on Er Ye’s ring....hmmm, maybe I am reading too much into it. Anyhoo, while our two lovers are listening to the album, we actually find out what happened to Er Ye’s mother, and it is a sad tale.  She was actually dying and told her apprentice that she had been loved and hated, becoming a famous actress loved by many, and even becoming a rich man’s wife, raising a son.  Damn, no wonder she felt the way she did, like a caged bird.  I always wondered how famous actresses who marry a rich man in Asian countries feel when their in-laws actually denigrate their career?  Like, you are basically giving up the thrill of adulation to be forced into a role you did not plan to perform.  She also mentioned that she took on many apprentices, and has no regrets, however, as a mother, she feels guilty.  She asks her apprentice to take on her name after she passed and to look for CFT to ask him if he still remembers his mother; if he does, to give him her album as a memento. She also ask her to lie, telling him that she is living well and happily, still performing. WELP.  This is too sad. We see Er Ye staring at the picture in his pocket watch, seemingly content, unaware of the truth. 

Meanwhile, annoying maid and her annoying voice asks Er Nainai why she doesn’t try to find a way to get CFT back, after she hears her mistress sigh heavily. No, leave Er Ye where he is, instead of having to incessantly be nagged or having to listen to her saying she is not up to his level because she’s from the country.  Ugh, I can’t listen to that annoying chick. Still at the mansion, the phone ring and Lao Han answers.  Apparently, there is trouble in the Shanghai Cotton Factory. Wait, when did they have this factory? I know in the novel, this was useless Fan Lian’s business, but I don’t know, it would have been nice to have mentioned this a bit earlier.  Anyhoo. We see Fan Lian and his sister discussing the situation.  Apparently a mechanical explosion occurred, which injured the staff, and of course, useless Fan Lian has no idea what to do.  Geezus xrist, why would they allow this idiot to run a freaking business???? Er Nainai asks what he plans to do next after he takes the staff to the hospital.  What about repairing the machine, how is he going to console the staff and how to deal with the bad press. Useless Fan Lian reacts the exact way you would expect; he says these things were always been handled by CFT. Ohhh, is that how they are going to get him back. Sigh.  Wait, Fan Lian, shouldn’t you be embarrassed to admit that you are just owner by title only?  Geezus xrist, send that boy to the fortress to keep the Japanese away! He suggests they give them more money as settlement.  Bish, what? Er Nainai is like, why are you so useless, even millions won’t be enough to be squandered by you. Then, why did you give me the factory in the first place? The only thing he is good at is running his mouth as theater manager.  She reminds him that most of the employees have been acquainted to the family for generations, as tenant farmers, even watching him grow up in their hometown. If they don’t take care of them properly, this could bite them back. GAAAH, why are you so useless!!!! She hits him wondering why the family even bothered to send him abroad.  I wonder as well.  The fuck was he doing there all this time? Wait, didn’t he study engineering? How the hell did he graduate? Engineering is not easy.  Gahhh, he blames his teachers for not teaching him about managing a company. YOOOOOOOO, I cannot with this boy. He asks his sister to teach him how to do it. She tells him he should have found an expert to examine the machines and inform the workers that it was an accident so they can be at ease.  Seriously, if he did truly study engineering, which I am starting to doubt, shouldn’t this be something he would have thought of right at the beginning?  Let’s move on before my brain becomes like his. She continues by saying he should have gone to comfort the injured and tell them they will pay for their medical expenses.  Hmmm...isn’t what he said earlier? Probably Er Nainai was so tired of his shit that she didn not hear him. She tells him he should have gone to the newspapers and authorities to explain the situation. He suddenly remembers he knows an engineer who could help, apparently he is the same one who helped them get the oven for the house.  Really, you now remember? That magical engineer is apparently quite skilled in foreign language and can communicate with the foreigners.  She asks if that magical engineer would agree; useless sperm donor says I can talk to him.  She yells at him to go now and he is like, really, now? BISSSSSHHHHH.  The fact they have the same mother baffles me.  How is it she is quick on her feet when it comes to business (nothing else though) when he is so useless. 

FINALLY, we are back to ChengShang. Oh my God, if I had to listen to useless sperm donor say stupid shit, I would have dropped my IQ. Our cutie pie model, Rui Rui is doing his thing for the soap factory.  AWWWW he looks good in a white suit, but LOL, as the photographer says, he looks stiff af.  LOL, so old fashioned. The man tells him to act like he is on stage, but Rui Rui is like, yo, there are no cameras when I perform, you want me to stand and look at the camera, what do you expect?! Er Ye is smirking at his cutie pie Rui Rui being nervous. The photographer asks to try another pose and try to feel it.  LOL, poor Rui Rui he is really trying.  Hubby chuckles at the scene while the photographer is frustrated. Hubby walks up to his wifey and asks who is taking revenge against.  LOL.  He is holding the soap like a brick ready to throw it at someone. Er Ye tells him to relax his arm, gripping it lightly, not like a gun.  That is one hurdle he manages to clear. Now, he asks about the finger that is supposed to point at the soap.  He tells him to straighten it.  Then he straightens his chin and relax his brow, while giving him (it says us, but I changed it because I can, ok) a smile.  Btw, the level of skinship is awesome. Er Ye demonstrates and you can tell he is used to do it.  

The photographer is happy at the demonstration asking Rui Rui to follow Er Ye’s instruction. Brooo, you fucked it up.  Rui Rui is back to being grumpy since photographer broke the gaze he had lasered on Er Ye (hmmm, the roles are getting reversed), asking him to ask Er Ye to take his place instead. The photographer is like, Er Ye is far too pricey for us, we can’t afford him.  He adds that he has watched Rui Rui’s performances and saw that he has great posture, clearly the nerves are getting the better of him. Rui Rui gets riled up telling him to stop flattering him and the camera flash is what making him nervous. Er Ye asks if they have a gramophone.  They bring it out and he plays a record of Ning Jiulang and Hou Yukui duet. That makes Rui Rui finally relax to take the pictures.  Er Ye tells Rui Rui to also record an album; Rui Rui reveals he had record two albums but his voice sounded horrible, having lost its brightness in the recording.  Sigh, I know the feeling.  I am never happy with my mixes after listening it back.  Not the same as playing live, trust. Er Ye replies that when the technology improves, the recording will sound much better, doing justice to his voice.  Rui Rui looks so eleganza as he poses. 

The photographer announces the session is over, however, he still has photographic plates left, so why not take some slice-of-life pictures.  LOL, I love how the show just sets up these moments.  Rui Rui says he has to wear his own clothes, as he feel uncomfortable in that suit.  LOL, Rui Rui, you are eating too many midnight snacks.  He suggests that Er Ye joins him. OHHH, he doesn’t want to stand alone looking like an idiot. REEEEEEEAAAALLY.  Rui Rui you are not fooling anyone, bro! Er Ye is like no, I am no celebrity or a famous actor, and don’t shoot commercials, why should he mess around.  Rui Rui looks very disappointed at the rejection. NOO ER YE, don’t do this! Wingman photographer is like, nah, it’s alright Er Ye, I will make you two look good, so go on, have a picture with Boss Shang as a memento. Well, that seems to be the keyword as Er Ye seems to change his stance.   Geez, it didn’t take much. Rui Rui is staring at his bae with those come hither eyes, yet his face is saying, bish you better say yes. Er Ye is like fine, I will do it with my bae so we can have sweet memories of knowing each other. He tells Rui Rui to go change. WAIT, it is not that kind of photoshoot Er Ye! Baby Rui Rui is so happy, walking like a penguin to the dressing room. Yoooo, if this isn’t a wedding picture setup, I don’t know what is!!! Er Ye is sitting down looking like the fine husband, while Rui Rui stands next to him like the wifey.  However, Rui Rui grimaces because Er Ye told him the begonia trees behind the scene are fake

As I guessed it, useless Fan Lian comes fetching his BIL to help him out of this current bind. CFT pushes him away informing him he already knows of the situation.  Useless socialite lets everyone know how useless he is by admitting he sucks at taking care of things. If I had dared say something like this outloud, my parents would whoop my ass.  CFT is not too please to see this useless POS begging for his helping.  Fan Lian is like, bro, since you managed it before, who else am I going to seek to help me out. I am too useless to do it myself. CFT is like, your sister kicked me out, why the hell should I helped save the Fan family.  Remember, she thinks I am so useless playboy like you!  LOL, Huang Xiaoming facial expression as he looks at Merxat showing CFT’s annoyance.  Such a good actor.  Wifey comes to Fan Lian and lets him that his hubby is just playing, he’s been bored for the past few days, wishing Fan Lian would find him something to do.  Well, with useless Fan Lian it was just a matter of time. We hear CFT yell at Fan Lian to get his useless ass in here while Rui Rui says see, I told you so. 

Rui Rui is helping out the troupe with their exercises when our dashing businessman looking so delicious that even useless Fan Lian compliments him for looking that foiiiine.  Of course that draws wifey’s attention (and Shi Jiu’s. Woman, stay away!). Er Ye hands his luggage as Fan Lian informs him that he has already bought the tickets. Er Ye stops to look at his wifey with lingering gaze as if to tell him to wait for him as he leaves for his business trip.  For those still believing this show is not thick on the bl, y’all need glasses. Rui Rui smiles in return, which gets a smile in return from Er Ye.  I am ignoring the camera panning on Shi Jiu because I don’t see the point and I don’t want it to ruin the moment.  We then see the rest of the troupe looking at their boss’ hubby leave.  LOL wifey is like, stop looking at my hubby sexy ass back! Don’t you all have shit to do!? Rui Rui looking super duper cute says he should have been like that earlier. OH I AGREE CUTIE PIE PENGUIN.  

Er Nainai is still doing the books when her girlfriend Meixin comes in with some Cloud Ear and Lotus Seed soup.  Meixin is looking sexy af with that white attire and lets face it, these two make a better couple than with their respective others. Meixin discuss the fact that Fan Xiang’er has been working late for several nights and that her beautiful face has suffered with dark eye circles.  Er Nainai replies no one cares how she looks, so what’s the point.  Meixin is like, what about me? Seriously, are they flirting? LOL, actually she says that when her brother comes back, wouldn’t he be hurt at her current state.  Er Nainai replies that he wouldn’t and I can’t help agree. She adds they’ve been married for many years, seemingly in love and harmonious, but they are just playing marital roles, being more like business partners. He manages the account while she manages the business, and work together to manage the Cheng family.  Because he’s a good man, he treats her well, but not because he loves her. Meixin is like who says he doesn’t love you.  GURL, I know you mean well for your girlfriend, but lbr here, your brother was forced to marry someone, yeah, they may have grown to care for each other, but the kind of love between to people who marry because they wanted to is just not there. Judging from her answer that all men are the same, I have a feeling Meixin has no understanding of what love is.  Er Nainai is like CFT is unlike any ordinary man, he doesn’t act like a businessman, spending money, being naive (QUE????), wasting time on things that make him no profit or fame, like his investment in Shuiyinlou.  Are we talking about the same man??? Dafuq?  She admires his dedication to the opera troupe despite making him no money (yeah, I doubt that as well). Meixin thinks his devotion to the opera troupe is because he has inherited his mother’s passion. Yeah, doubt that as well.  Do they even know who CFT is? Er Nainai interrupts and inform Meixin that after reviewing the ledger, she realizes that he is far more competent that she gave him credit for.   Seriously, woman, if you spent as much time actually paying attention to what your husband does instead of worrying about not being up to his level, maybe you would have noticed that.  She admits he is successful not because of his backing coming from the Fan family nor Commander Cao, but due to his own abilities.  Meixin is like, well if you hadn’t run your mouth, he wouldn’t have run away to his true love. Nah, I have feeling they would have still ended up that way. 

Er Ye is in Shanghai, at his old house.  Seriously a stunning mansion guys.  It looks like he got some new servants. Upon returning to his old house, old memories resurface, including when their family was in dire situation, his mother leaving.  Guys, I want this house, it is gorgeous. He enters his father’s bedroom and sees a picture of his family, which he touches as if he wants to feel them with his fingertips.