#Thanks for writing this out. I was being pretty irrational and I appreciate u taking the time feinL

[adhdo5]

hey man, i happened to see the post you reblogged and i wanted you to know- the OP did a follow-up poll asking some clarifying questions

according to the data, most people who participate in fandoms they haven't read the source material of are doing so passively; they read fics or look at art of stuff. the percentage of people who create without having consumed any source material was like, 3%?

anyway all that is to say i think its actually a good thing that people arent married to only enjoying the creative works of fandoms theyre already in- there's no reason to hate anyone! at least not in tnis case

i mean, i think we've all read a cool crossover fic for a fandom we're in and spent a day or two going down the rabbit hole of fic rec lists for the Other Thing. and thats good!

i mean, i personally think "i was able to understand and enjoy this art you've made without required reading the original thing it was based on" is a high compliment, actually.

hope this helps and restores some faith in humans for you ❤️

Yk it does! Ty for correcting this it does pona e pilin mi. I have rbed art etc from stuff I don't go to but I wouldn't count that at all as participating in the fandom yk? Idk I guess it's all relative

I spose I should apologize for getting heated and miserable abt it. My pretentiousness is truly my Joker nature... less jokingly it's very personal to me . One of the things that makes me feel the most shitty and alienated is when I'm talking to someone abt smth that I care deeply about and they Don't (mi toki lon kulupu pi ma Wijasa la ike pilin li tan ni a) and I definitely can ~take shit too seriously

[bitethehnd]

hi! can u write julien x reader based on obsessed by olivia rodrigo? pretty pls and thank u!

it could be a blurb or a fic you decide !

*₊˚ 💿 𖦹 obsessed !

pairing : julien baker x reader

synopsis : julien is obsessed with your ex

cw : jealousy? reader comforting jb

if i told you how much i think about her

you'd think i was in love

and if you knew how much i looked at her pictures

you would think we're best friends

julien couldn’t help it. she couldn’t stop staring at your ex’s new red carpet pictures. the woman was stunning. perfect body, hair perfectly in place, her dress flowing elegantly in the wind. julien tried to stop herself, at this point is was unhealthy how much of her mind was occupied with her; florence. florence, florence, florence, florence, florence—

julien didn’t understand why you were even with her in the first place. julien couldn’t compete with her. it constantly sounded in her mind. that you would eventually break up with her and get back with your ex.

julien knew she was being irrational. the two of you had been together for four months at this point, if you wanted to break up with her, you would. but her insecurities got the best of her. and she refused to talk to you about it because she didn’t want to seem like she was in love with your ex, which is how it seemed.

i’ve seen every movie she's been in, and, oh god, she's beautiful

and i know you loved her, and i know i’m butthurt

but i can't help it, no, i can't help it

julien had watched every single movie your ex has been in. every single one. before julien met you, she had seen some of florence’s movies. she was a well known actress. but now it had become an obsessive thing. something she just couldn’t fight the urge to do. after every movie she stars in comes out, she has to see it.

the thought of you loving florence at one point made julien feel like she was going crazy. julien had already felt that she was below your league, but this was just the final nail in the coffin. she wanted to confide in phoebe and lucy about it, but she just couldn’t muster up the courage to admit what she had obsessively been doing.

and i know you love me, and i know it's crazy

but every time you call my name, i think you mistake me for her

you both have moved on, you don't even talk

but i can't help it, i got issues, i can't help it, baby

julien knew you loved her. you never forgot to remind her of how much you cared for her, how much you appreciated her. she has always felt so utterly and completely seen around you. so she didn’t know why she felt such unbridled jealously whenever she saw your ex’s face. it made her feel like a complete loser. but she just couldn’t help it.

she can’t help but feel that you wish julien was your ex. the same sweet face and beautiful smile that she had. you had never even given julien a sigh that indicated that, but she felt it in her gut. or maybe it was her anxiety talking. she overthought every interaction you two had as the relationship got more and more serious.

the thing is, you and florence didn’t even hold contact anymore. you never saw her, never texted, never called. and yet julien still felt this hold over her. a grip on her neck that felt like the was suffocating every time she thought of her.

julien laid in bed with these thoughts, you sleeping soundly on her chest. she gazed down at your sleeping form, smiling softly as you snored. but it barely helped her raging mind. her breath started to pick up and she had to remember to breathe, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

you slowly noticed her chest falling and rising faster than usual, waking you out of your restful state. you looked up at her, confusion in your eyes.

“jules?” you softly asked. the short woman’s eyes swiftly popped open, revealing her anxious face. your eyes brows furrowed with worry. julien wanted nothing more than to sooth the arch between them, but she couldn’t will herself to move.

“hi, baby,” julien quietly said, trying to conceal her thoughts from you. she didn’t want you to worry.

“what’s wrong?” you asked, slowly sitting up so you two were eye level. you reached your right hand into her hair and played with the loose strands from her bun.

julien was quiet for a few seconds, silently debating whether or not to bring up her constant source of worrying. she decided it was now or never. “why are you with me?”

your eyes blinked rapidly at her question that was seemingly out of no where. you tilted your head in confusion as you tried to find her eyes, but she was just staring at her twitching hands.

“why on earth would you ask that? i’m with you because i love you,” you softly said, taking her face between your hands. your eyes locked once again and she was holding back tears.

“it’s just… you’re, like, way out of my league and so beautiful. and i’m just… me. you should be with someone like florence,” she finally concluded her rambling. she refused to meet your eyes once again.

“jules…” you trailed off, “look at me.” your hands moved her head up. you leaned in to give her a soft peck on the forehead.

“i’m with you because you are the most intelligent and amazing person i’ve ever meet. you’re sweet and smart and so fucking beautiful. i don’t want to be with florence. i want you, only you. always remember that.”

julien pulled you in for a fierce hug, hiding her face in your neck. she really needed to hear that.

© bitethehnd

[rinstars]

OATH.

PAIRING: Suna Rintarou x Fem!Reader

GENRE: Angst.

WC: 1.3k+

TAGS/WARNINGS: Hurt/Comfort (or maybe not). Suggestive themes. Profanity. Cursing. Slight use of petnames.

SYNOPSIS: Suna Rintarou never break a promise. Especially not to you.

NOTE: A famous Filipino song came on shuffle and prompted the birth of this fic. Can you guess which one?  HINT: It's a pretty old famous love song lmfaooo. Also again, I didn't proofread, deal with it hehe. REBLOGS are appreciated <3

LASTLY, PLEASE HELP ME DECIDE ON WHAT TO WRITE BY ANSWERING THIS FORM HEHE THANK U SO MUCH!!

He sent you a text message fifteen minutes ago. Nothing but a few simple words that somehow weighs you down every single time—like an anchor tied to your ankles and tossed to the ocean. Something that leaves you gasping for air. But you enjoy the cool breeze anyways.

I'm coming over.

Promises meant a lot to Suna. Even if the words weren't outwardly said, he treats the phrase like an unspoken promise between both of you. He always comes when he tells you he will. A little late, a little early, but never not.  And you wait for him. Over and over—in the raging storms, the summer breeze, the winter cold. At the break of dawn, the setting sun, beneath the midnight moon.

Because it was your side of the promise.

I'll be here.

The knocks on your door grow heavier each time. The longer you take to open the door the more you feel the constricting pain choking the life out of you. You drag your feet to the wooden entrance, fingers never getting used to the way the cold steel of the knob makes you want to cry. The ray of light that peeks from the small opening of the door blinds you—God, does it blind you, yet you open it wider. Welcoming the burn as he hastily pushes the door open.

You wish you were able to hide the flinch when he wrapped an arm around your wrist, pulling you closer to him as he buries a pale face down your neck. He probably didn't notice the shake from your body—seeing as he was shaking just as bad. The wetness on his shoulders going unnoticed as his own tears stain yours.

With a small tug, you are beneath him. On the other side of his endless praises, his sweet, sweet words. He kisses you like he's drowning as much as you and you let him. His fingers were no longer shaking when he pulls your underwear down, or at least tries to.

"Rin," you breathe out, pushing against his chest to get him off of you. "Will you talk to me first?"

He looks in your eye, unblinking, unmoving—and you could've sworn you were able to glimpse at the internal debate going on inside his mind. He hovers over you for a few more minutes before completely sitting straight with a sigh, nodding to himself as he offers a hand to you.

You take it, and you hold tight, and if you were given the gift to do what you wanted, Heaven knows you wouldn't have let go.

He notices, and he knows it. He has known for the longest time. Knows how this affects you—how you feel, how you hurt. So, he smiles at you and lets you hold on for as long as today's conversation permits.

"I just, fuck-- I don't know what to do." He swallows thickly, like he's holding back the tears from spilling. "I swear—shit do I fucking swear, that I try, I really try, yeah?"

"I know, Rin," you squeeze his hands a little tighter, thumb running over his knuckles as a poor attempt in comforting. "But sometimes, things just don't work out the way we want it to. You know that."

His eyes look over to you, the gentle smile on your face laced with something he would rather not think about too much. He thinks you're right—you're always right. He couldn't remember a time when you were wrong.

"Then," he crawls over to you slowly, fingers trailing a path from your temples to your jaw before settling there and tugging your bottom lip—a silent request from his breaking heart.

Closing your eyes, you released a shaky breath before slowly opening them and continuing with your constant reject. "Then let's stop doing this. I just—you know this isn't right, Rin."

It's almost like something clicked in him the moment you said that. The fog in his eyes clearing as the hand holding your jaw drops to his side. You ignore the pain building up your chest, the sensation almost numbing, as you wait for him to agree. He will, you thought. He always listens to you.

"Yeah, yeah," He almost chuckles humorlessly, throwing his head back on the couch. "Bet she really wouldn't take me back if she found out I run over to you again, right?"

Turning your head to the side, you hope you blinked the tears fast enough for him to not see. Of course, it's her. It has always been her. He never really calls you when he's not going through another rough patch with his girlfriend, never meets up unless he wants to find solace between your legs, never really smiles at you that often

"Rin, we—" you bite your lip to prevent it from shaking, tightening your hold on his fingers to hide the tremble. "We need to stop doing this. She loves you, and—God, do I know how much you love her."

He smiles at nothing, like a fond memory is replaying in his head, the next few syllables breaking you more than you think it should. "Yeah, I do."

This time, you decide to finally show your tears, enough pretending as you prepare yourself for what's about to come. "S-suna, I really—you see, I loved being with you. I adore you and you're probably someone I'd never be able to forget ever, you know?"

He turns his body as he faces you, the hairs falling on his forehead too irresistible for you to not fix. He eyes you with a mix of confusion and recognition—like he knows where this is going but needs you to say it for him.

"Me too, princess."

"I've been meaning to say goodbye a few months ago," you sniffed, looking down on your lap as you lose all the strength to stare back at the eyes you've grown to love. "But I thought maybe I'll let another winter pass. I know how much you break in this weather."

He laughs with you at that—the humor lost in the sea of regret and pain, eyes glossing over but he didn't understand why. Maybe you meant a lot more to him that he cares to admit. And he isn't sure what to do with it, doesn't recognize it clear enough to come up with a course of action.

"I love you, Rin."

Snapping him out of his thoughts, you could notice the faint flinch on his fingers. Hearing you choke up the words like this, vulnerable and broken in front of him, almost made him want to be irrational again. How do you break someone who's done nothing but mend you?

He has known for the longest time. The suspicion always lingering on the back of his head and yet hearing you say it doesn't compare to the amount of times he's run the scenario up his head, finding the right way to respond.

"I know."

"And it's hurting me so, so bad." The cracks in your voice almost mirroring the ones in your heart, hand flying up to your face like you wanted nothing more than to hide. The pain, the tears, the love.

"I know, princess." He repeats, hands tugging yours so you can hide your face on his neck, sobbing onto him the way he's always done with you. He keeps your head there—partly because he knows showing his own tears will just make this harder. "You take care, yeah? Love someone who really deserves it next time."

"I'm not—I w-won't be here next time, Rin. Sorry for breaking my promise."

"In the next life, princess," He kisses your temple, threading long fingers through your hair, a shaky voice accompanying his next words. "I'll come over to you."

[spacedikut]

my all ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary:  “hey could i do a fic request for an x spencer? could u maybe do something with really touchstarved spencer (bc germaphobia) and him being at first too awkward to go n cuddle and then as he gains more confidence he gets much more touchy and huggy and stuff? and reader being shocked by how cuddly he is? plzplzplz? its totally ok if u dont write it but just wanted to send in the request!” 2689 words

a/n: i hope i did this justice! i love spencer reid!!!!!!!!!

masterlist

Spencer first realised how much he loves your touch after a case where he put himself directly in danger.

You ran up, flung your arms around him and pulled him against you so tightly he felt winded.

He was shocked, stunned, and everything in between, but the most important thing is that he hugged back. It felt natural, the right thing to do, and his arms felt so snug and perfect around you his heart stuttered.

You pulled back, noticed his expression, and winced despite his reciprocation, “Sorry. I just. You could’ve died, you moron. You scared me.”

All he did was give you a breathless smile and with a squeeze of his shoulders you let go, allowing him to get checked by a medic.

Spencer struggled to sleep on the jet home, plagued by the thoughts of you - you with your arms around him, how much he enjoyed how it felt.

It felt… wrong to like it as much as he did. Like, in theory, enjoying your physical touch went against his moral code – as a germaphobe, the thought of having to come into contact with anyone in any way makes him want to vomit. But, with you?

You smelt so good, even after running for God knows how long. You were so soft, yet so firm, so warm and welcoming and dear God Spencer has never wanted to touch every inch of someone so bad in his life.

The case was a rough one, so Garcia was waiting for you all with loving eyes and a pitiful smile, arms wide open for whoever may need it. Spencer instantly decides no thanks, but you swoop in and cuddle up to Garcia within seconds of seeing her.

You even place a series of kisses against her cheek, and Spencer is transported back to your hug.

If he was more like Garcia, open to any form of love as long as it’s love, would you have kissed him like that?

His pulse quickens, palms get sweaty and he has to clear his throat to bring himself back to Earth.

He can’t afford to think like that.

But your lips…

No. Paperwork? Let’s do that and not think about a colleague’s lips.

+++

You’re furious.

You told Spencer to wait for backup, to not do anything stupid or irrational and definitely do NOT go in there alone, genius!

And what did he do?

He didn’t wait for backup, did something very stupid and irrational, and definitely went in alone.

And now he’s dealing with a hefty concussion and flurry of other injuries; cuts, scratches, and bruises alike all dotted over him like he’s a connect-the-dots drawing.

The second he wakes up, you’re gonna kill him.

For the time being, you’ll gently thread your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp, and watch his chest rise and fall to ensure he’s alive and breathing.

“Mmm,” A groan, “That feels nice.”

His eyes flutter open. You lean towards the table next to him, pick up the bottle of water and the jello cup, and offer him both.

“Thanks,” He says, hoarsely.

You sit back in your chair. Spencer doesn’t take his eyes off you once. Not when he drinks the whole bottle of water, or when he cracks open the jello and inhales it with one slurp.

Your brows furrow.

“You’re banned from work until you’re fully healed.”

“I’m suspended?!” He guffaws.

“No,” You shake your head, “I’m personally telling you you’re not welcome back until you’re okay.”

“I’m okay now.”

“Do a backflip, genius.”

Spencer giggles, “I can’t do that in peak physical condition, Y/N.”

“Sounds like a cop out to me. So, again, you’re banned from work until you’re fully healed.”

He considers fighting back, but then he remembers what you were doing when he woke up, what he felt when he woke up.

He was confused and, you know, in pain, but there was this tender and soft, repetitive touch that immediately eased him. His subconscious knew it was you, in all your glory and sweetness, that had stayed with him for however long, looking after him even when he wasn’t conscious to know it.

So he just keeps staring at you, spoonful of jello in his mouth.

+++

When you get to Spencer’s place, he looks around like it’s his first time seeing it – awe and wonder painted on his face.

Everything he’s doing, everything he’s going through, you’re putting it all down to his concussion.

On the way here, he told you the whole history of car air fresheners after taking a good five seconds to get a good sniff of the cherry blossom scent you have.

“Let’s get you settled in, huh?” You say quietly, guiding Spencer to his bedroom. He walks a little like a mummy, kinda stumpy and heavy, and he flops on the bed.

You give a lopsided grin as you watch him. He’s mumbling incoherently, shuffling up to the top of his bed to fall flat on his back.

He moans.

“Alright, alright,” You placate, “Let me go… gather some things.”

You don’t know Spencer’s place all that well, so it takes you a while to find even the simplest things like a glass, a flannel, a snack. You get lost in snooping around, trying not to profile him, and the one thing you deduct is his apartment is so him. So Spencer, so lovely and comforting and a little odd.

You can’t get enough.

There’s a weak call from his bedroom: “Y/N?”

“Coming!”

He hasn’t moved an inch from where you left him. He looks so pitiful, bruised eyes and a cut right through his lip, and you almost coo at him.

“I’m not a good cook, so I thought we could order some food later.” You hand him the water and gesture for him to drink. “In the meantime, you need to rest. Mind if I borrow a book while I keep you company?”

You turn to leave, but Spencer’s voice makes you pause.

“Could you play with my hair again?”

A part of you wants to say no, like this is some overly intimate thing he’s asking, but then you remind yourself that he’s injured, which has reverted him to acting like a sleepy child.

“Please?” He looks at you with glassy eyes and he looks adorable, “Only for a little while.”

You say nothing, sliding into bed next to him. He scoots over a little to make more room for you, curling into you before your back hits the bed entirely. One hand rests above the covers, naturally placed on his arm, thumb smoothing him back and forth. The other, the one wrapped around his head, cards through his lightly tangled hair, all warm and loving.

He falls asleep instantly and, not long after, you fall asleep, too.

You both dream of eachother and wake up blushing.

+++

Spencer’s back in work within four days. You’re working a new case the second you arrive.

There’s been a shift in your dynamic and everyone’s noticed it. No one questions it, however, because they’re all aware you looked after him while he was away, and they witnessed how worried you were when you found him, but they can’t help but ogle and whisper.

They might be federal agents, but gossip is gossip and they love it.

You’ve noticed it, too, obviously. JJ tried to tease you about it, after Spencer bought you your favourite coffee and morning muffin on the way to the precinct, but you shut her down (and yourself from thinking about it too much) by reminding her you spent several days caring for him. He’s repaying you, even though you’ve told him he doesn’t need to.

Ever heard of transference, JJ?

A shiver runs through you as you look into the interrogation room. It’s not because of the suspect, though, it’s because the AC has been turned up – a tactic Hotch promises will be worth it despite your chattering teeth.

Something’s wrapped around you, suddenly, light but cosy and adds some heat to you that you need.

It’s a cardigan. Grey, much too big for you, the sleeves falling way beyond your arms and length reaching your mid-thigh. There’s a little red heart with eyes stitched on the left breast.

It’s Spencer’s.

“You’re shivering,” Spencer chastises, seemingly appearing from nowhere, “You know, when we shiver, it’s our bodies doing the opposite of sweating – it tightens the skin and shakes the muscles, a process that conserves and generates heat. We shiver to get warm. Do you not have a coat?”

“Alright, dad,” You tease, “It’s in the conference room. I wasn’t prepared for Hotch to make the unsub an icicle.”

Spencer breathes a laugh, moving closer to reach an arm around you. His other hand presses against your bicep, his grip sturdy as he vigorously rubs up and down your arms to generate heat.

Whoa.

It certainly works. You feel hot, suddenly, but not because of the cardigan or whatever the hell he’s doing, because Spencer has voluntarily touched you and is standing so close you feel like you’re on fire from the inside out. You’re sure your heart skips a beat and you stare at him in bewilderment.

He shrugs, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, “My mom used to do that for me when I was young and got cold. I thought you’d appreciate it.”

You give a shy smile, “Yeah, I appreciate it a lot, Spence. Thanks.”

When Hotch leaves the interrogation room, he half-halts when he sees you in Spencer’s cardigan. It’s the perfect Hotch reaction, combined with the rise of an eyebrow as he walks past you to reconvene with the team.

You don’t take it off when you all walk back to the conference room, and Spencer doesn’t ask for it back.

Everyone notices. A lot of eye contact is made with many questions silently asked.

You and Spencer pretend not to notice.

+++

There’s a knock on your door at precisely 10:12pm. You check because your first instinct is if I’m about to get robbed, I’m making sure the timestamps are correct.

It’s not a robber. It’s Spencer – frazzled, wrapped up all nice and warm like a pretty present, Spencer Reid.

His nose is slightly red from the biting cold outside.

Leaning against your doorframe, you say, “Hey there,”

“Hi,” He waves.

You stare for a couple of seconds, then remember the polite thing to do is invite him in: “Come in, come in! Do you want some tea? You look cold.”

“Coffee would be great, thank you.”

You move to your kitchen, not very far from your front door, but Spencer stays put and awkwardly glances around your place. He loves it, he decides. Very you.

You notice he hasn’t moved, “Make yourself comfortable, Spence. My cat is somewhere if you want to say hi.”

He slowly moves to your couch, removing his coat, scarf and satchel as he does it. Two drinks in hand, you join him and fling your fluffy sock-clad feet onto your coffee table.

“So what can I help you with?” You ask.

Spencer takes a sip of his burning drink, “What makes you think I want something?”

“Why else would you be here? You wanna watch Grey’s Anatomy with me?”

Spencer laughs lightly. You’re right. He’s here for a reason that isn’t to watch TV that he loves to correct with you.

He’s quiet, then, and does that thing where his tongue flicks out to lightly wet his lips in nervousness.

“Something’s been going on.” He starts, ambiguously, “And it’s left me asking a lot of questions.”

Your brows furrow. It’s not like Spencer to be cryptic like this.

“Did it mean anything?” He asks, finally, turning to look at you. “Any of it?”

“Did what mean anything?”

“The.. the playing with the hair, the over-all gentleness, the cuddling.”

Your shoulders tighten up and you hope he doesn’t notice.

He does.

“Spence,” You give a fake laugh, “You were hurt and I was comforting you. Looking after you. You know, like a friend does.”

“No one else did as much as you.”

“You wanted comfort, and I’m more than happy to provide that, Spence. Everyone else was busy.”

“You took time off for me.”

You don’t have an answer for that.

You’re trying to keep the conversation light and breezy to not show your true feelings. You’re not ready for that kind of conversation, but he’s right. You used your vacation days to stay with him and care for him.. and you know you didn’t do it platonically.

“You’re my friend, Spence,” You say, voice soft.

“That’s it? That’s all it was?” He doesn’t sound angry, or hurt, maybe peeved. He won’t look you in the eyes, though.

“What else would it be?”

Spencer scoffs.

He moves away from you, hands running through his hair in exasperation when he lets out a breath.

“We cuddled, Y/N. I haven’t done that with anyone in-in years! The last person was my mother when I was ten years old!”

“That’s supposed to mean something?!”

“I-I don’t know,” He sounds exhausted, as if the complications of his emotions are taking way too much energy out of him, “But I really liked it. And I really like you.”

You look at him, then, and he’s staring back. He looks… hopeful.

“I really like you, Y/N.”

You swallow deeply.

“I tried to show you with the uh, the cardigan thing,” He scratches the back of his neck, a laugh to mock himself leaving him, “But I’ve never been good with that stuff.”

He moves closer, shifting to face you, eyes remaining locked with yours.

“Say something.” He whispers.

“I-I-“ You stutter, “Are you sure?”

“Of course I am. I’ve spent the last week thinking about it non-stop.”

“Really?” You laugh in disbelief.

“Yeah!” He gives a small smile, “I-uh.. wrote to my mom about you, too. She told me that if I’m this caught up on you, you must be special. Which you are, by the way.”

“I’m special?” You grin teasingly.

“Very special.”

There’s a moment where you think he’s going to kiss you, but instead he shyly asks, “Do you feel the same?”

You bite your lip. “I do. Really, I do. I’m just.. a little apprehensive, I guess.”

“Of what?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Nothing is stupid when it comes to you.”

God, he’s so infuriatingly sweet. You wish you could kiss him all over.

You might be able to, if all this goes well.

“I don’t want things to be weird if we don’t work out.” You admit, adding a shrug to appear casual. It’s not like you’ve worried about this since you realised you liked him.

Spencer tilts his head at you, “You’re already thinking about a breakup when we haven’t even gone on a first date?”

You giggle, which he returns with a smile, “I mean- I like you, Spence, and have for a while. I’ve thought about all outcomes.”

“All?”

You roll your eyes as he gives you a look, “Yes, all. I’d want us to work out but.. what if we don’t?”

He places a now warmed up hand on yours, “Well, we won’t know unless we try, right?” His hold tightens, “I’m willing to give it my all if you are.”

You look from your hands to his face, and decide yes, if there’s one risk you want to take in your life, it’s a risk that could possibly result in you spending the rest of your life with your favourite person on this planet.

So you nod.

“I’ll give you my all, and then some.”

He grins, “That’s quite the promise.”

You don’t reply, instead swinging your legs over his lap and leaning into his side to cuddle up to him. He reciprocates like it’s second nature, hand slipping from yours to wrap around your waist and tug you closer.

“Wanna watch Star Trek as a mini first date?” You look up at him through your eyelashes.

You really are perfect for me, Spencer thinks.

“Yes. Yes I do.”

[theincompetentgenius]

Hello! Can i have a “life generator” for the arcana please? :) I’m a bi 5’9 girl with curly brown hair and hazel eyes. I’m antisocial, and closed off to most people. I have a sarcastic and dirty sense of humor, and i’m childish. I love to playfully tease people. I’m a gryffindor, and quite stubborn. I get jealous easily. I LOVE animals. My hobbies are shopping, singing/piano, and archery. I’m a tomboy, and i live in hoodies. I’m honestly pretty touch starved. Thanks in advance!!

Thank you for being my first request! It took a lot longer than I expected, but I still had lots of fun doing this. I also realized how garbage my writing has become and how I lack any creativity, but that’s another issue for another time.

Thank you for your interest in the world of The Arcana! In a few moments, you will be reborn.  Loading simulation in 3 …… 2…… 1……..

B A C K G R O U N D

You were born into a wealthy family where the pressures of society were the laws of the house. Your father was attempting the climb the unspoken social latter of Vesvusia and he could not risk having his children act out of line. Fortunately, he was constantly out mingling with the high-tiers, leaving you with eons of freedom. Your mother attempted to teach you the ways of a lady, but it was not long before you turned away from the pink ribbons and ran towards the bow and arrow. She soon came to accept your differences, but you did learn to enjoy certain aspects of being a lady. However, your father soon learned of your rather rebellious behavior and sent you to a center to become more ladylike. Although you despised the suffocating corsets and endless sewing, your piano and singing lessons kept you from falling apart.

F R I E N D S  

Nadia, Navra, Nazali

As time passed, you had become one of the top pianists and vocalist in the entire community. What baffled the people was that you would only perform in a black tunic: a sign of protest against the center’s practices. The contrast in your talent and personality attracted a large audience, curious to see what you had to offer. One day, you had woken up to see the entire room emptied of its people. Gold ornaments and red carpets stood in their place. You were quickly notified that a few of the Satrinava sisters were coming to visit and your instructor wanted you to play for them. Not only were you nervous about playing in front of royal, but you were also worried about their judgy eyes analyzing your outlandish appearance. You even contemplated wearing a pink, puffy ballgown, but you chose to stay true to yourself and prepared for the event.”

“The three sisters strolled into the building, their presence more illuminating than the chandelier above your head. Once they were seated, you did not waste time with formal introductions. The audience of three listened in silence as your fingers danced on the piano keys and your voice soared across the room. You sang about your woes within the center, yearning for an ounce of freedom. Had you looked across the room, you would have noticed the wet film of their eyes. After your performance, Navra to you and grabbed your hand.

“That was the most beautiful I’ve ever heard in my life! You must play for me at my parties.” The strength of her handshake nearly ripped you apart.

“Leave the poor girl alone. You don’t want to scare her away already,” Nazali pulled her back.

Amid their bickering, you heard a cool voice from behind. “Do you feel imprisoned trying to live the life of a lady?” You spun around and saw a pair of red eyes staring back at you.

The blunt and sudden nature of the question had caught you off-guard. You had no intention of angering the princesses, but your tongue would not allow you to conform to their ways. The room went silent as the other sisters stopped their arguing and turned towards you. They were waiting for your answer.

“Yes,” You said.

The sisters exchanged glances. The pink-haired sister took the moment of silence to formally introduced herself as Nadia Satrinava, the youngest of the sisters. You curtsied in return, but her next question nearly knocked you off your feet.

“Would you like to perform at my palace? Where you are free to live as you like?”

Other friends: Portia, Mazelinka

R O M A N C E

As the royal musician, you were forced to interact with individuals who you would rather avoid after every show in the palace. Years had gone by and the only person you didn’t want to thrash was Portia. The rest were snobby, misogynistic, or outright stupid. However, there was one gem you had met during this time.

You had finished a romantic ballad for a smaller crowd that day. Nadia had asked you to perform as a part of her appreciation banquet to those working against the Red Plague. As you prepared to retire to your room, a young man with copper hair and an eye-patch appeared by your side.

“What a marvelous performance! Your voice is almost as beautiful as you.” A devilish grin was plastered over his face. It seemed more slappable than most. “Excuse me, where are my manners? My name is Dr. Julian Dovarak.“

“Sir, I’d like to know how you got past security,” Your voice was stone.

“That’s just one of my many talents. Let me tell you about how I nearly decapitated a monster with simply a bow and arrow.” You began to tune him out instinctively, yet you couldn’t ignore the charisma exuding from him. As he droned on, you decided to give him a chance. It was a matter of time before you were laughing in his tales. Dramatic, but entertaining.

“I liked your story, but I’m still calling security. You did invade my privacy after all,” You said.

He put his hands in the air. “There’s no need for that. I simply thought you enjoyed my company, but I may have misread the situation. I’ll be on my way.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy your company. It’s just…. I could have it elsewhere. Especially since you seem to have no problem sneaking up on me when I’m alone”

It took him a moment to register the joke as he responded with confused laughter. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide and his cheeks were crimson. His confidence crumbled. There was nothing left of the old Julian; only a stuttering mess. You felt the muscles of your face pull an upward grin as laughter bubbled in your stomach. Never had you met someone so bold yet so flustered. So much for his bravado.

“I’m just teasing you. I wouldn’t call security on you, because you’re not as irritating as everyone else.” You laughed as he attempted to pull himself together.

He cleared his throat, prompting the return of his mischievous grin. “I’m flattered. Of course, if you would like a more private encounter, that can always be arranged.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

F I N A L   F A T E

When the first round of accusations against Julian came around, you could not believe them. The man who had become so dear to you could not have committed murder. You weren’t sure what the details were, but your instincts told you that there was more to the story.  However, it was impossible to find reliable answers when Julian had fled the city and the only witness was Consul Valerius. You wanted to search for him, but Portia held you back.

"Chasing him will only bring you more danger.”

Although you wanted to pack your bags and take the first ship to Julian’s location, you knew it was unreasonable and irrational. During Julian’s disappearance, your relationship with Portia grew stronger. The two of you would reminisce about the good times and the best of Julian’s embarrassing moments. Soon, the two of you were able to move past Julian and make terrific memories on your own. Life began to move smoothly again. The two of you spent lots of time running errands. After a few witty exchanges, you found yourself on the floor with tears in your eyes. Portia would clutch her stomach from all the laughter. Sometimes you felt that the two of you had become delirious, but no one ever enjoyed life by staying sane.  

Yet one fateful day, you saw a flash of red and black zoom behind you. At first, you thought nothing of it. Probably some guards chasing after a thief or a child playing a game. However, the figure had stopped and you dropped your groceries. The infamous Dr. Dovarak was standing in front of you.

“Julian?”

Against your better nature, you ran after him. You already lost him once, you weren’t about to lose him again. But once you arrived at his spot, he had disappeared. You kicked the loose rubble beside you out of frustration. Your eyes had not been playing tricks on you; that was Julian. You went back to Portia and told her everything that you had seen. At first, she assumed you were messing around. However, she became uncertain as she saw the pleading look in your eyes.

That was not the last time you had seen the doctor. Your paths had crossed again when you walked into a rowdy tavern after a long day. All you wanted was a refreshing drink and some time away from the palace. Lost in your thoughts, you sat in the nearest booth and took a sip of your mug.  You nearly spat it out when you looked to your right.

“What are you doing here?”

You were face-to-face with the man who you had been searching for all this time. But now that he was in front of you, there was something off about him. He seemed tired.

“Hello darling, long time no see. How is life? I’m sure it must be dandy without me.” He flashed his famous grin that you had come to love.  A rush of anger seared in your stomach. The man had been missing for nearly three years, yet he acted as if his absence was a mere joke. Did he not realize the pain he had caused for you and his sister was unrepairable?

“No. Don’t play this game with me.” You gripped his wrist and demanded that he tell the truth. His smiley facade disappeared and he turned away. There was no way from him to explain that he had lost his memory without sounding insane or incriminating. All he could do was play the role of the villain.  

But you were not giving up so quickly. Although you couldn’t get Julian to give you the information you wanted, the two of you began to meet more often (despite the risk of Julian getting caught). As he worked through his layers of problems, you stood by his side and helped lighten his darker days

You notified Nadia that you were no longer going to play for the palace and packed your bags, joining Julian in his quest to clear his name and learn the truth about Lucio’s murder. During this time, Julian was able to look past his fears and learned to confide in you. It was not long before you two had declared your love for each other and secured a relationship.

After Julian’s name had been cleared and the second wave of the Red Plague disappeared, the two of you decided to become pirates. After the drama in Vesuvia died down, Julian was craving some form of adventure. He asked you to come along with him as he could not see himself doing anything without your support. Although you were unsure of the chaos the new lifestyle would bring, you decided to join him. Julian bought a new boat while you recruited crewmates to keep the ship running smoothly. It was not long before you and Julian set out for the seas, enjoying the wild adventures each day would bring.

T H E   E N D

[apex-aureate]

'Lo fellow Howler! Welcome! Can you tell us something about your faves? Btw, if u feel like talking about the RR trilogy you can find me at darrowsrising (like Darrow's Rising).💖

Heya! Always happy to talk about these sad, sad children, but it’s so hard to choose definite faves when they’re all so g o o d

So, in no particular order, here’s my top few:

1. Darrow of Lykos 

Like I said in my introduction post, I know he’s a bit of a basic pick, but still. First impression while reading RR was that Darrow is a more mature and realistic take on a typical YA protagonist. He wasn’t some spunky kid- he was a man, with responsibilities and a life. It was honestly refreshing to read about a person who had a good head on their shoulders and who didn’t immediately take to the lofty ideals of revolution. Right off the bat, his arrogance and recklessness were on full display, giving him relatable, humanizing flaws that didn’t stem from a tragic backstory and couldn’t be cured with a rousing speech or two. In fact, they aren’t really cured at all- the bravery and showmanship of his actions is often exactly what the SoA need at any given point, and it’s been really awesome to watch him recognize that about himself, harness the more negative and harmful aspects of his personality, and eventually put them to good use. He’s got so much more depth to him than a ‘tough guy with a heart of gold’ type too- Like he’s just out for blood at one point, but them his worldview is tossed around about a hundred times and he doesn’t know what to believe about the world anymore because he’s overwhelmed by the sheer size and complexity of it all. It’s such a real feeling that isn’t usually the focus of fiction like this agh

Oh, and I love that he makes mistakes ALL THE TIME. His plans don’t always work out. He kills some people he really shouldn’t have, spares some people who didn’t deserve it. He learns a lot over the course of the Institute, the Agustus-Bellona war, and the Rising through lessons that don’t feel cheap or unearned. He’s simple yet smart, deeply flawed yet totally badass, and he grows into a man worth respecting. Love ‘im.

2. Sevro Au Barca 

Another popular boyo but hey, what can you do? At first I didn’t like good ‘ol Goblin. Vulgar characters aren’t usually very high on my list and I was pretty enthralled with what a cinnamon bun Julian (RIP) was to pay attention to that weirdo upon initial meeting. I was convinced he would fill the minor antagonist role for a while (though that role went to Titus pretty early on).

Then, he saved Darrow and Cassius from the lake and we got a better look at him. Gotta say, once the Howlers got started properly, I really began to get attached to the guy. He wasn’t pretty, but the sheer earnestness and trueness of his character and his loyalty to Darrow was unseen amongst the Golds met within the Institute or in the days after. Unlike Cassius or some of the other members of House Mars, Sevro was never after power, wasn’t full of himself or deluded into believing the superiority or honorableness of his color. He was just him- gross and vulgar and crazy for all the world to see. He didn’t really become one of my favorites until Golden Son though, when Darrow realized that Sevro had figured out who he really was, and had still accepted him wholeheartedly and without judgment. I mean, damn. I cried real tears there. 10/10 best friend anyone could ever ask for.

(And he got more of an independent part in MS so that’s a win)

3. The Jackal 

 Oooohhhh man, the Jackal. I’ve already said he terrifies me.

The build up to him in the first book was so well done I-

And the scene where he cuts his hand off-

Oh and the small acts of ruthlessness and cruelty littered throughout Golden Son-

I mean I’ve seen a fair share of INTJ villains before but he’s just so brilliantly done like wow. I can’t figure out exactly what to say about him but he’s definitely one of my favorite literary villains of all time.

4. Roque Au Fabii  (Forgive me)

 Okay hear me out on this one. Of course I was angry with him in the end. He killed thousands of people in the name of pride (personal, cultural, and racial) and betrayed the friends he had fought side by side with for years on largely irrational and emotional grounds. Unlike Tactus, he didn’t show in inch of shame for any of it when the end came.

But I was completely in love with him in the first two books. He would have easily been my #1 pick if I’d been asked this about a week ago. I guess it’s the archetype he falls into as a poet, or the genuine friendship and wise, heartfelt advice he offers to counter Darrow’s driven, tunnel-vision attitude. Heck, he was even really sympathetic through most of Golden Son- from his perspective, it actually did look like Darrow was being a terrible, negligent person who took others for granted and was completely willing to sacrifice his friends in an arbitrary quest for power.

And, like Darrow, I did feel for him as he died even after he had betrayed them all for despicable cause. I know I should, but I just can’t muster up the hate a lot of other people seem to have for him. It’s not just the misunderstood artsy type that’s getting me here either- I just felt like he could’ve been better. He was a good man- among the best of the golds. And yet just like you’d expect of a Gold, he fell prey to the inevitable flaws of those at the top. Pride, entitlement, and a resistance to change all lead to his bittersweet demise. I have more thoughts on him, but I think i’ll sit on it a while longer before I really go off so don’t judge these half baked rambles as a real opinion on the matter lol

5. Eo of Lykos 

 Underrated af. I think a lot of people write her off as exactly what Darrow described her as in RR. More of a motivation, or some lost dream that was to be worshiped and held on a pedestal for the rest of the series than a standalone character. But she was as much a character as anyone else- she had real flaws and made irresponsible, selfish choices to stay true to what she believed in. She wasn’t an angel, and she didn’t end up coming back from the Vale or whatever to tell Darrow how proud she was or to stay faithful to her for life. Like Sevro, she was just a person living authentically and fearlessly for what felt inside, regardless of consequence. I can appreciate that sort of thing, especially in a female character. It’s also really interesting to have gone back and reread her chapters as Darrow’s view of his late wife develops throughout the series. You start to see past his unreliable narration of Eo’s perfection and recognize the girl behind the song.

Ye. That’s probably too many characters to count as Faves, and I haven’t even talked about Cassius yet, but I just had to say a piece about each because I have zero self control. Thanks for asking, by the way!!

[the-madame21]

50 more interesting questions

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

Tagged by @acrispyapple. Thank you! <3

1. What kind of food can’t you stand? Pixie sticks. Or onions. 

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? My phone recognizing my thumbprint every time so I don’t have to deal with physically unlocking my phone lmao.

3. Have you got any useless talents? all talent is useful.

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be? Not stressing. It’d be so nice to not stress and get worked up over every little thing lmao.

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking - Matt Damon (fight me) Hook from Once Upon a Time, the lead singer of Black Veil Brides 

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid? Playing pretend!! Ah me and my sister would make up the wildest stories haha. And we had an insane amount of stuffed animals and shit we used for props. I also loved swimming back then. 

7. What is something you’re proud of? I’m really proud of my writing even if almost no one I know personally reads it lol. 

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? I hate when people are fake friendly. Like you can tell when it’s genuine vs not and it just bothers me like stop fucking trying so hard. 

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? Uhhhh both I guess. I rather just follow since it’s easier and back in elementary through high school everyone always pegged me to lead group projects and shit so I’m kinda sick of it lol. 

10. What kind of student are/were you? 6 AP classes all in one go woo let’s do this lol. 

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? Not that I can really recall off the top of my head. 

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion  I can’t watch scary movies. Like at all. “But it’s fake” bitch that don’t mean it ain’t scary. 

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable? Anything is relatable if you try hard enough. 

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? I get really giggly. Like I laugh all the time anyway but it becomes especially true when I drink. 

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? I think I do. But I don’t know if that was just because I’m in love with the idea of love. 

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? One close friend. Which is basically what I got now lmao.

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? I’m kind of a slob since I’m lazy but never for very long because seeing everything dirty just like *screams* I can’t take it. Cleaning is like relaxing to a certain extent lol.

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy Oh I always think of like rain or snow and just having a desk pushed up against the window or something like that. Or somewhere with a bunch of pillows where you can see the rain falling. If there’s a christmas tree too then that’s awesome lol. 

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? I don’t have any kids but I do want them someday. 

20. What was your favorite book as a child? The Chronicles of Ancient Darkness: Wolf Brother

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about Is it bad if I say kpop?

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated uhhhhhh

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose? Abraham Lincoln.

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday? Visit all of the Disneylands. I’m only missing Shanghai and Hong Kong.

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat? I usually stay quiet, judge you in my head, and then talk shit to my mom or bf. 

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in? Does anyone remember those rubber bands that were like animal shaped and people wore them as bracelets? 

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for? My entire middle school self lmao.

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable? I think honesty. It’s hard being honest. And it’s like everyone is so used to lying like sometimes these people come off as blunt but like it’s appreciated.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.) people don’t give me things. So. I guess things that are disney related?

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones? Spanish, English, Fake French and even faker Japanese. 

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? City please for the love of god I would not survive in the countryside. 

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? Anime. Woops. 

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? ALL EYES ON ME IN THE CENTER OF THE RING JUST LIKE A C I R C U S. I like attention. 

34. Favorite holiday? Christmas! :D

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? Plans. Please. 

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) Mmmmm no. Things get better the more I know about them. 

37. What hobbies do you have? writing...other than that I’m an incredibly boring person lmao. 

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? shaving in like three seconds. Gods that’d be so useful. 

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you I’m not white.  

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out I religiously spelled “maybe” as “mabye” up until like the third grade because I was convinced my teachers were just wrong. 

41. Worst injury you’ve had? a busted lip I guess? 

42. Any morbid fascinations? not really?

43. Describe your sense of humor it’s fucked up. 

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? I love/hate this question because as a woman like shit sucked back then. But let’s go with ancient egypt cuz I like ancient egypt. 

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at video games. I literally cannot game. How does it work. 

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through Walking the length of the golden gate bridge. That shit was awful. I’m scared of height AND bridges AND it was raining so and it’s a long ass fucking walk. But I guess I can say I did it so whatever. 

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.) the ugly one. 

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? depends on my mood honestly. 

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? Idk all compliments are pretty flattering so I’m not too picky. 

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you I don’t really know. I don’t interact with enough people lmfao. 

not forcing anyone to do it, this is long af. So whoever wants to, feel free!

[sanguinesprout]

Well, that sucked... uuuuugh it’s coooooold xwx (updates, some gloomy and bright feels and self pep talk)

Hmmmmmmm... so, long time no post-ish...kinda..! To put it simply I’ve been stressing real hard over this form to try claim benefits/financial help and expended all mental my energy on that aaaall these past weeks. I struggled and I avoided but I finally fiiiiinallly managed to do it and now the main source of stress has subsided temporarily until they contact me again for maybe a face to face meeting in which I’ll commence my super anxiety flailing. But I guess for now I have time to stress about the things I normally stress over and haven’t done yet. Pah!

So the form right, you have to fill in about your health conditions/disabilities and I reaaaally had trouble writing about things like that. I mean, writing on here definitely helped me with some parts of it, since it was stuff I had written before, but just not on paper and... writing it out irl is like... super difficult and uncomfortable and knowing someone has to read it and ugh damn... I had to write about physical things too and there were lots of things I kinda was unsure of and it went from me writing very little to me writing probably TOO much last minute xwx I mean, it’s better than writing too less, but maybe I went into more detail than needed, but maybe it’s enough info that they’ll skip me in the face to face part... plz plz plssss! ;3; No, no you’ll be fine, you can do it!

I seriously spent so much time staring at it and it was just so hard, there was this reluctance even though I wanted to get it over with so badly, it’s like there was a magnet pulling me away, my concentration level dropped to minus 10000000, my head hurt from forcing myself to try think, it was torture Dx It’s probably something so easy but I unconsciously chose to overthink it and get all ruffled by the prospect that someone’s gonna read it and judge me... mehhh. By this point I just hope they can read my handwriting lol it literally looked like some kids english homework, full of scribbling out and arrows everywhere hahaha *sob* I had my sis read over it before I sent it, I was really nervous about that, it’s like she’s seeing a big slice of this blog (which scurred me), but she said it was fine, it was good! She’s supportive of me even if we frustrate each other a lot, I’m really thankful for her help and encouragement ;u;

Anyways, whatever the outcome, at least I tried! I kinda succeeded in finishing something I would’ve just not even attempted usually and that’s great! I did good and if there is a next time, I’ll try even harder! The anxiety and irrational held me back and scared me away from trying, but maybe I’ll get over them much easier now that I proved to myself I could do it if I just really really reaaaally put my mind to it! Putting my pen to the paper, that’s another big thing that was needing to be done too lol. The race between doubt and determination was won by determination’s last minute spurt powered by encouragement from various sources (including myself and my fear of letting people down!) Yaaay~! sarcasm is no good booo!

Form aside, I had to do phone calls and make trips to the post office quite a bit lately too, I did them! Whooo! I also went out and had some nice shopping trips, even met some of my sis’ buddies and it was nice, it was pretty fun in fact! I wasn’t as anxious as I thought I’d be, though the times I were, I just... sucked it up and kinda went with the flow and it became okay after... I tried and I pushed forward and everything was alright *hugs self* c:

I have such less energy and brain cells left that this post probably sounds so half assed and pointless no, no negativity! silly, but I’m doing it, I haven’t abandoned my blog and it’s almost been a whole year... or at least 2/3 of a year, yay for me! Christmas is so soon, it feels kind of lonely this year compared to past years because of some things but it’ll be okay, as long as I have my family and finally get to spend some nice quality time with them like I’ve been looking forward to, I’m happy! ^^

I got a lot of materials to make some nice arts and crafty things lately. it’s kinda given me some more incentive to make some nice things and just have some fun. I haven’t done anything yet though, but I plan to... ack! Gotta make sure not to overthink things and put myself off, just go for it! I’m not abandoning my dreams of making some self motivational/self expressive or cute things or just learning to draw in general (lolol) just yet! I’ve just kinda gotten a bit doubtful and shy again (especially with just being online too), but Imma crawl back out this hole and do some things right naaaaooo!! *slips and tumbles* oof @w@” C’mon silly, keep going, believe in yourself! 

I have a lot of ideas, and they keep piling up, but I’m having a hard time getting them out... I keep letting the anxiety, comparing, fear of judgement slip in and foil my plans. Things don’t have to be perfect, just try your best..! It doesn’t matter what other people think, as long as you like your creations. Other people have their own style and you have yours, be proud of it and let it shine. Practice makes... progress! You can do it!

I want to try and do more than one thing a day like most other people can like I know I have the potential to, like maybe do a little bit of art, a little bit of self care, a little bit of family time rather than just sitting around wondering which thing to prioritise or which thing is a waste of time to focus on and in the end achieve absolutely nooooothing .___. Baby steps, keep climbing, keep growing, don’t let your thoughts bring you down, you can achieve everything you want to, you just have to try with all your heart, ignore the mental obstacles, they can’t stop you, go go go!

With one of the other things I was stressing about a few weeks earlier, it was submitting a claim for a lost parcel, I struggled with that even, but I tried really hard and I did it and even though I was expecting nothing to happen, something good did happen! They fully reimbursed me! I was so surprised! Even though I was missing some information and thought it was going to be pointless and many weeks passed and I even forgot about it, my efforts actually paid off. The experience alone of just trying was a good lesson for me, but now I’m beginning to believe in ‘if you don’t try, you won’t know/nothing ventured nothing gained’ even more! This happened after I submitted my benefits application, I don’t wanna be too hopeful incase nothing happens here, but whether the result is something or nothing, I’m just glad I tried! c’:

I also received some praise about my packaging skill and service (I’ve been selling unwanted things and I always put in a lot of effort) and it was so sweet and kind and just lifted my sprits so much for someone to acknowledge it, I am so grateful ;w; For someone to take their time to write such a nice message and show their appreciation, ahhh it’s such a wonderful feeling..! I reached my goal of making at least one person smile! It was also another very pleasant surprise! I want to continue to chase this feeling and keep fulfilling this goal! I hope one day I’ll be able to feel this way with my creations ahhh cryyy ;u;

With my physical health woes and medication trials, it has only been a short period but it seems to be going alright, not very far, but it’s going somewhere and in a more positive direction. Once again I am so grateful to my dr, they are so amazing and kind and helpful ;u; Health is important! I want my family to be more healthy too, I worry about them a lot, because they don’t take care of themselves and they also avoid things and... uuu I’m sad :c I don’t want for them to be ill, time is short and I wish for them to be well and happy but it’s difficult when they’re so stubborn. I need to try harder.

A family friend passed away from illness very recently, it was extremely saddening... It must be incredibly hard for their family right now, I hope they will be okay Y__Y Life is unfair, life is unpredictable, it’s all the more reason why I need to get up and make the most of it right now. Spend as much time with loved ones as I can and make sure everyone is happy and healthy so we can have an even longer happier life together, reach for my dreams and so and so. Yolo... so try your hardest... time is precious ;^;

Well, um... that made things a little gloomy but I have to learn to face reality more seriously. Okay, for ourself and our loved ones, let’s make everyone proud and try our best! This life is my own and I’m going to take control of it, I’m gonna make it worth being happy about! Time is of the essence!

It’s been so cold lately, but because of this I’ve been able to see it snow! Although it’s not much, but it’s magical all the same and I’m happy to have been able to witness it, to go outside and enjoy the little but wonderful things of life, I don’t want to miss out on them anymore either! A new year is approaching, a new year where it will still be hard but I’ll continue to persevere until I’ve reached my goals! The post I left in my drafts, which I see every time I post here, the one with a long list of my dreams and things I’ve been wanting to do, I glanced at it and I think I managed to do a few of the littler things this year! I still have a lot to go, so I’m gonna aim to do at least twice as much next year! Yeah!!

Have a great evening (and a wonderful Christmas and New Year if I don’t post again before then), let’s go go! :D