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rainbowsky · 9 months ago

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GG and DD and queer representation

As some of you might be aware, Greece has finally legalized same sex marriage. This was very exciting news!

I had an ask related to the Greek marriage equality debate and had begun drafting a response but ended up getting sidetracked, and by the time I got back to this post marriage equality had already won.

I figured I'd finish this response because it covers some ground that newer turtles might find useful (and because I hate leaving things like this unfinished).

@rozanthi asked: Πιστεύετε πως οι χελώνες βοηθούν η δυσκολεύουν τους ggdd στην σημερινή πραγματικότητα;

Hi rozanthi!

Here's the rest of the ask(s) rozanthi sent.

rozanthi asked: Sorry l put my question in English and not in Greek by mistake. Do you thing that turtles benefit or harm ggdd in today's sircumstansies, reality. I apologize if in someway l offended you with my question about turtles and ggdd. Maybe that is the reason why you didn't answer. But you see, in my country(Greece) these few last months, a debate is going on in our parliament about voting to make political marriage between people of the same gentre legal. There has been a lot of fight and tension from our church and people with no manners or Shane minds. I asked you that question because l support ggdd as a couple in a relationship as barriors of a message as pioneers of something important for China to accept. And l wanted to know how much public support in the form of turtles help them along or make it more difficult. Here as more we support homo. homosexuality we bring thanter and more hate. In February we will know if we made a baby's step in out parliament. Support your ggdd in any way you see tat you really help them and not making it worse on them. They need support Ln the most gentle delicate way. Thank you for baring me.

First of all, it's OK to send me an ask in another language. Don't apologize for feeling better able to express yourself in your first language. I can always machine translate and ask for clarification when I feel I'm missing something (and the asker can clarify if I get anything wrong). Although I think you've done an adequate job of communicating your question here in English.

Second, as I've said many times, people should never read anything into whether I answer their ask or not. It's almost always just a result of me picking easier/quicker questions to answer.

Now, to address the ask.

Your question reflects some misconceptions/misunderstandings about GGDD's situation and about what turtles represent. Some of the topics you're discussing here are not directly related, and I'm going to try to break them down into their component parts for you.

The first and most important thing I can say to you is (and this is really, really key to understanding GGDD and understanding what turtles are in China):

GG and DD are not representatives of the queer community, and turtles are not a political movement.

Quite the contrary. I think it's fair and accurate to say that GG and DD, and by extension turtles, actively take steps to avoid being seen as part of a political movement, queer movement, protest movement or human rights movement.

(In fact, unfortunately many turtles are actually not particularly LGBTQ-friendly, don't support queer rights or gay marriage, and don't even consider GG and DD to be gay/queer. Many believe GG and DD are only 'gay' for each other, which is homophobic and a reflection of poor sex education).

It's essential for their own safety that GG and DD are not seen as political movement in China, or as figureheads of the queer rights movement. The Chinese government and even a sizable percentage of the public at large tend to take a very dim view of anyone who tries to organize and rally around subversive political causes.

Especially the current government, which is very repressive and has been rolling back LGBTQ rights and freedoms and cracking down on queer orgs, shutting down LGBTQ outreach organizations, etc. Pride events and large public gatherings are treated as disruptive protest movements, and have been banned.

There are queer male turtles in China who actively avoid openly identifying as turtles in order to protect the fandom from being seen as a queer rights movement.

Turtles are a fandom and are categorized and treated that way both by turtles and by passersby. Just a fandom of 'cute young girls' clowning over some handsome boys they ship together.

It's important that it stays that way. GG and DD cannot be seen as leading a movement, they cannot take on the role of leading a movement, and many turtles would likely not even support such a movement.

That's not because GGDD are queer, by the way - although under the current government queerness is becoming in some ways more restricted and frowned upon at least from an official perspective - it's because political movements are frowned upon*.

*That's not to say that Chinese people don't organize or protest around certain causes, but those causes tend to be more municipal or limited in scope. Broader political movements - especially ones that appear to stand against the policies of the current regime - are generally very quickly quashed.

That's also not to say that GG and DD aren't hugely inspiring to queer people all over the world, because they are.

GG and DD do not even present themselves as queer.

This is important to keep in mind. GG and DD are closeted, and are assumed by the public at large to be straight single men. 'Eligible bachelors'. This is a double-edged sword, but ultimately it protects them and protects their careers. Top stars are a lot more marketable if there's a perception of romantic availability, and relationships - even relationship rumors - can have a massively negative impact on a star's career.

Even straight married stars hide their relationship status and present themselves as single for this same reason, and straight married celebrity couples - even ones who are out as being married - who attend industry events will often pretend not to know each other in public (sound familiar?).

Coming out as (or being outed as) married or in a relationship is viewed as career suicide, and a star's numbers, opportunities and popularity will plummet. Not always, but usually. Producers and backers know what sells, and married stars just don't sell as much as hot singles do. Fans will pursue stars that appear to be single, and drop them when they marry or come out with a relationship.

Heteronormativity means the vast majority of people in China will assume GG and DD are straight, and GG and DD will not 'correct' them on that. Quite the opposite, they go along with and even at times might say or do things that help feed the perception that they're straight.

There are almost no LGBTQ public figures in China, and those who are out are not top stars.

As international fans, what we do and think doesn't matter much.

Things that happen in the international fandom are largely irrelevant to people in China, and are almost never going to have any impact whatsoever on GG and DD. What we think about them and what they represent to us is of little consequence to their careers.

For example, the ongoing i-fan debate about colored light banners is a bit of a wank because nobody in the international fandom is ever likely to be at an event where we would have to make decisions about what color of light banner to bring. Our thoughts about colored light banners are utterly irrelevant to the fandom in China.

It's really easy to lose sight of that as an international fan, and get so caught up in and wrapped up in our own ideas and arguments and debates that we forget that nothing we say do or think really has any relevance to GGDD's lives.

Our support for their projects and merchandise and brands, our subscriptions to platforms to view their dramas, our movie tickets, our fan support when they travel internationally... these things do have an impact on them and do matter, but the opinions and political ideas that we might discuss and debate here on Tumblr or even on Twitter are highly unlikely to ever reach their circle or directly impact them, whether positive or negative.

There are some notable exceptions to this. Making candy out of nationalistic posts - particularly posts about events of national mourning or major political significance - is unwise and could potentially backlash on them. More about that in this series of posts from Pie.

I talked about some of the other harmful things we should be avoiding in this post.

But the idea that anything international fans might do or say as turtles might negatively impact GG and DD is - for the most part - not a reflection of reality.

There are valid reasons to believe GG and DD value turtles and take strength from our support.

This fandom has been around for 6 years, and in all that time GG and DD have never sought to shut it down. Other dating rumors, CP, etc. have been shut down over the years, but turtles continue to be the top CP in China and the fandom is constantly growing.

GG and DD have been caught on camera many times reacting positively to turtle light banners.

LRLG rumors - which many turtles believe hold a lot of credibility - have repeatedly depicted GG and DD as enjoying our support, and have at times directly expressed GG and DD's appreciation and gratitude to turtles for our support.

Despite the fact that this fandom is hugely controversial among GG and DD's solo fans and even among some passersby, GG and DD and some of their associates continue to regularly feed us candy. This is something that simply would not happen if we didn't have GG and DD's support.

If we believe BJYXSZD, then it only follows that turtles would mean a lot to GG and DD.

There is a fine balancing act between GGDD and turtles, where we show our support and they feed us, and we all try to keep things light and fly somewhat under the radar.

But turtles aren't 'under the radar at all'. Turtles are an incredibly active, vibrant, loud fandom in China, with big events and public charity work and fan activities and banners and billboards, etc. etc. However, they manage to fly under the radar because they're 'just fans'. They're not a political movement and they're not troublemakers. They're just a bunch of fans having fun together.

They also fly under the radar by being seen as a crazy fringe group, a bunch of deluded clowns. They are underestimated and dismissed because of this, which protects GG and DD.

A lot of turtles wear that proudly because they know that they're acting as a shield for GG and DD. Turtles make it possible for GG and DD to get public support for their relationship without having their relationship outed. Turtles take all the hate and ridicule that's piled on them, so that they can show GG and DD they're loved and supported.

This is one of the things about turtles that is most beautiful and powerful. Turtles stick their necks out every day to support and protect GG and DD.

I talked about that in more detail in this post.

I hope this helps give some context about queer issues as they relate to GG and DD, and to the turtle fandom as a whole. While many people inside and outside China support GGDD and are inspired by them and view them as queer icons, the way they are framed and discussed will differ wildly between the Chinese and international fandoms, and what is said outside of China won't have much of an impact on GGDD. That's for the best.

For my thoughts on the politics of all this, please see this post.

#bjyx #yizhan #ggdd in the public eye #bxg perspectives #bxg ggdd #lgbtpride

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hypnotisedfireflies · 2 months ago

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Arien's Advent Calendar, 2024

25 days of TLOU fic

ALL CLAIMS FILLED, THANK YOU!

To say a big THANKS for supporting my fic throughout the year(s), I’m doing the Advent Calendar Fic thingamy again! I did this last year and it became this collection of stories.

From 1 - 25 December 2024 I will be posting a short story (it will be short, I will control myself) as part of a new collection of works from Driftersverse, Making Mirrors, Interstellar Overdrive and Legend of Charro.

Beneath the cut I have a little information about the story to be written each day (universe, characters and date/era). I’d like to dedicate each to a reader, so please claim one and I’ll write it for you.

I don’t think all days will fill up, but I’d like to give everyone a chance to get one they really like, so at this stage each person can claim ONE day only - I’ll open it up to more later on. You’re welcome to send me a few in order of preference in case someone has already beaten you to the punch on your favourite, and I haven’t yet updated the list.

If you would rather claim as anon, please give me a name or an emoji or something - just so I can identify you against your chosen day and so we don’t get multiple anons muddled up.

Please send claims via asks so I can keep track of them in one place and if not anon, include your AO3 name (if you have one).

Happy Holidays! (And thanks to everyone who voted and helped me decide what to offer!)

DD – Driftersverse (my TLOU sandbox, Tess lives) MM – Making Mirrors (Snowqueen of Texas/Parallel Lines - no Cordyceps AU) LOC – Legend of Charro (the Western) IO – Interstellar Overdrive (70s AU) AU – Alternate Universe, unrelated

“OC/Canon, any universe” is a new entry this year. This means I’ll write a story with the canon listed and you can choose either canon or one of my original characters to appear in the story with them, plus specify universe in which it takes place. (Eg, Frank and Joel, IO).

Please be kind and keep it to characters I am known to write (I may refuse a claim if you start waving Owen or Mel at me) and who could reasonably interact with one another. I’ve got enough writing to do, don’t break my brain!

“Mystery AU” is exactly what it sounds. Last time one of these spawned IO so who knows what could happen?

“Crack box” is the one crack fic I’ll write. Last year’s took me by surprise, but this year I’m reserving a space for it.

Where are all the Tommy/Maria fics? They’re still getting three more stories to themselves, so that’s coming probably 2025 at this stage. O_O

1. DD Tess/Joel, 2022 @justplainsalty 2. IO Joel and Ellie, 1977 @march-flowerr 3. LOC Tess/Joel, sweetheart years @seethesunny 4. DD Tess/Joel and Tommy, 2005 @dancingonmoonbeams 5. Ellie and OC/Canon, any universe OR IO 1980 (but whom?) @finnelfin 6. DD Joel/Tess 2024 @ belantana 7. Mystery AU @finnelfin 8. DD/MM Joel and Sarah, 1993 @march-flowerr 9. IO Tess/Joel, 1974 @emilylawsons 10. Maria and OC/Canon, any universe @ameerawrites 11. LOC Tess/Joel, bandit years @adoringhxxd 12. MM Tess/Joel and Sarah, 2005 @ammotraguslervia 13. DD Tess/Joel and Ellie, 2025 @ameerawrites 14. Tommy and OC/Canon, any universe @adhdprincess 15. Crack Box OR third Mystery AU @toomanytookas 16. IO Tess/Joel 1976 @flckrsoflight 17. DD Tess/Joel, Tommy/Maria 2027 @bumblepony 18. LOC Tess/Joel and Ellie, family years @chujo-hime 19. Mystery AU @bignosebushybrows 20. DD Tess/Joel 2011 @betweentwoceremonials 21. IO Tess and Ellie, 1970 @becomethesun 22. MM Tess/Joel, 2004 @bignosebushybrows 23. Frank and OC/Canon, any universe OR DD Tess/Joel 2007 @justplainsalty 24. DD Tommy/Maria, 2022 @bumblepony 25. Mystery Christmas Story @adhdprincess

#advent fic #tlou fanfic #getting christmas ready now because last year i only gave myself six weeks to write 25 stories and i'm not doing that again #the last of us

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ligiawrites · 10 months ago

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Tuesday is my birthday!!! *--* ♥♥♥

Yaaaay! For me, this new year/cycle will be all about 1, gently coaxing myself to interact more in general so my social phobia and loneliness won't torment me so much. And 2, trying to spread the word about my stories, so I can actually turn this into a really long career! :DD Wohoo!

SOOO, with that in mind, if you want to give me an awesome birthday gift, I'd LOVE it if you could support my writing career in one of these totally free ways. You can send me:

your thoughts about my games/books!

asks about your favorite characters in LtGBtK (or any of my books)

your fave headcanons about your DC

I'd also be super thankful for a reblog of my pinned post (this one) so more people can find my sweet baby of a game A_A#

(i'm being really shameless, huh? xD sry)

And to the universe, all I'm asking is that I can continue doing this. Working on my stories, learning through them (and with the people who read them), and sharing my worldview + values + myself with you all.

Thank you for your support, for your votes, likes, rates, comments, messages, subscriptions, donations, fanarts, reblogs, and mainly for showing me that there's a chance for me to make it in the world of stories--cause there are people interested in what i write.

You're all stars. Much love, mil beijos, com amor, ferventemente sua, etc etc.

#you could also follow me on IG or wattpad if you want 9.9 #and if you're feeling generous i'm always accepting donations on ko-fi!#love the guard be the king #ltgbtk

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hayakawalove · 5 months ago

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PLEASE you’re the sweetest of hearts!! leme wipe those tears for kitten uWu! we can put bows in suguru’s hair and tie it up all pretty for the heat! I hope you have cool weather and lots of shade, yummy drinks, and sweet treats <3. I’m rly happy you have lots of time for writing and can’t wait for what’s coming!

In high school i would go travel, practice outside and compete in the midwest for dance in the summer LAWD the heat is real 😵‍💫. Now my aging self will simply perish in sunlight for more than 5 mins LASJSJKSSKSK.

Roblox is saur fun!! I started playing w my bestie during the pandemic and its all sorts of jokes XD. There’s a dress up game I love but the kids vote unfair im like ⁉️ bc how did i get 6th in a 2000s theme as brittney spears in her jean dress 🤨 im being set up i fear!

YESS i will take sm photos and vids! I acc gotta get my hot girl transformation ready since its next week 🗿 I wanna cosplay as ace from one piece for the concert :DD id def send u pics/vids if u wants hehe!!

Thank you again for being your kind, wonderful self and sharing your amazing works!! I can’t wait to yap more about my sugu hyperfixation w you<3 have a wonderful weekend!! I would drop a pic of coquette suguru but mobile asks are so weird to format -.-

-🗿

JDJDKDJFK SO ARE YOU! And I agree we should put bows in his hair. I think suguru is very. Doesn’t care OKFKEKDJDOD like I think if you were like suguru :)) can I paint your nails? Suguru :)) can I curl your hair? He’d be like yeah okay. Side note I find it so hot when straight cis men are like that. I think a lot of them don’t want to be associated with femininity, so when one of them doesn’t care what you do it makes me so ODJODJFOEJFK. AND THATS SO SWEET I have been eating so good lately honestly…. I have a very bad sweet tooth so I really need to try. Not doing that KDJDKDJDK i fear it will cause problems for me later on…. IM SO EXCITED TO SHARE THE WRITING WITH YOU!

OH WOW what kind of dance? I bet it does get hot over there. AND RIGHT SIJDKDJFKDK I can’t be in the sun for more than 2 minutes without losing it

IM SO GLAD YOURE HAVING FUN PLAYING IT and that is such a scam cause that is the biggest 2000s outfit I can think of!

ACE IS SO COOL I would love to see pics! I won’t post them if you don’t want me to but I’m sure you will look wonderful! Be safe though, concerts can have some weirdos.

YOURE SO SWEET I am so grateful to have you as a reader! And yes I love talking about suguru with you you just Understand him. I APPRECIATE YOU and HERES A COQUETTE SUGURU it’s very bad but. IDKFKDKDK

#asks #🗿 anon #twirling my hair #calling me kitten omg what are we #IM KIDDING #YOU ARE SO KIND ALWAYS

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accio-victuuri · 4 years ago

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is it me or does china or those so call companies celebrities are signed under needs to do more to protect actors, idols and etc? And I say china because I know celebrities bring a lot of business to china, so they should do more to protect them as well, whether it be a law where fans need to be at a certain distance from celebrities or make it illegal to camp outside their hotels, I don’t need to know when GG or DD goes to work or return, like they legit camp outside to see them pass them

Hello Anon! I would answer all parts of your ask here. looks like there are three sections to this.

I’ll be keeping everything under a cut and just a disclaimer that this is from my own research and opinions.

So what laws are there and what part do ‘Celebrities’ play in the Country?

• An important point I wanna start this answer with is that celebrities in China are very different, in terms of they have values they have to uphold if they wanna continue being allowed to be on air and work. In other countries, of course, a celebrity’s image is still something to watch out for, but it’s not like they are gonna be blacklisted. some of the guidelines they have to follow released fairly recent as follows :

should not "violate ethics, morals, social public order or good customs, causing serious negative social impact"

should not incite hatred and discrimination between ethnic groups, or promote cults and superstitions.

not organise, take part in or promote illegal activities such as pornography, gambling, drugs and violence, among other activities.

There are actors who were blacklisted and had to take a hiatus. At one point, people did support comeback stories but CHN is pushing stricter sanctions for those who fall in this category. They have to submit an application to China Association of Performing Arts (CAPA) if they even plan to make a comeback and be evaluated before they can continue. Also take a look at the recent issue with Xianjiang Cotton and how celebrities were quick to voice out their support and drop the endorsements. It’s part of their job. It’s part of the values they have to uphold. The sense of virtue before arts. They are expected to be more morally upright than the common people.

I wanna start with this for you to understand what’s it like to be a star in CHN. And for GG and Web who are very very popular. If you do a quick search, you will find that there are more rules to control how these celebrities present themselves vs. protecting them. The way I see it, it’s even more dangerous for them to have a dedicated following more than anything. They cannot be so popular that they eclipse certain messages that the gov’t wants to send. There are more laws on online hate and slander against celebrities than the physical suppression of these stalkers. The concept of: The fans reflect the celebrities. This is the infuriating side to this. It is the same challenge GG faced during and post 22*. The logic of: ‘xx fans are causing trouble by blocking airport entrance is the idol’s fault’ . In one such incident, GG was the one who apologized. his team did ban airport photos but he still had to apologize personally to people on the plane. During his shoot with Ace, he had to apologize to the director and crew cause people were camping and taking photos. You see where I’m going here Anon?

The general rules in photos and videos is that it can be taken provided that it’s in a public area. This is why Web, during the shooting of LOF kept pointing out people who were taking pictures to authorities. Earning him the title of Hengdian Hawkeye. There are no iron clad rules to protect them. These celebrities often have to hire lawyers and security team to enforce their privacy. This is where their companies come in. but tbh yh and wjjw did next to nothing in protecting them. It’s their own studios. their own dedicated team that’s doing the work.

who are these people following them?

• The type of fans that you are describing, going to the lengths of putting tracking devices and even secret cameras are sishengs. This is not limited to GG and Web only, it’s a problem for other celebrities too and not just with Chinese fans. For example in Korea, the counterpart to this is sasaeng. They are private life fans. They thrive on sharing personal information, even as far as an address. I don’t see this culture stopping anytime soon. We have more hope on addressing online slander and harmful rumors than erasing sishengs. I’m just being realistic here. The audience to this kind of material is huge and it’s even making it’s way to international platform. It’s the concept of wanting exclusive information. being the first to know a news or a filming tidbit and so on.

I also just wanna add that people you see taking pictures of let’s say at airports in Web’s case or when he’s off to DDU are not exactly sishengs. Some of them are even fansites. provided that it’s a public schedule and he one time even acknowledged them when they greeted him happy bday. Tho they CLEARLY DO NOT WANT to be photographed when filming dramas ( going to and leaving ) + airports.

what can we do as fans?

• I think you answered that Anon. We know what’s right. We know what not to share. It’s hard especially if you see it on your feed, just don’t share it again and distribute to more people. If you notice someone sharing, don’t be so hostile, you can inform them nicely. block sisheng accounts. don’t give them the audience that they want. I know we can be guilty of this at one point or another, knowing flight details and so on. It’s a hard practice to remove but we have to try very hard to not be tempted.

This is why GG and Web are really sending the message for fans to have their own lives. Of not chasing stars too much ( which also is something their gov’t does not endorse and is a whole topic of it’s own ) and neglecting the other people around them. Don’t vote too much. Don’t cause unnecessary trouble in the name of being GG and Web’s fan in public places. It’s what I really feel strongly about when it comes to all of this. If you are a person who can balance fandom and personal life + knows the boundaries, then you’re good.

Thank you for the Ask Anon! ❤️

#ask response #yizhan

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ohnobjyx · 4 years ago

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Would it be that impossible for dd and gg to come out as a couple (provided they respected censorship and didn't talk about it with the media)? I read the other day that homosexuality is not illegal in China, just talking about it and showing in the media, so could not someone as brave and crazy as dd attempt to come out outside of the media? after all they are the first 3 shipped real couples in china, they do have support. Coming out willingly would also save them from being eventually outed..

Hi, anon! (*this blogger cracks her neck and gets ready*) Let’s get into it!

Disclaimer: fake fake fake. Why would you think that we believe in bjyx?

Preface: this post might not be exactly a controversial opinion, since I think many will have the same one. However, it’s alright to disagree: we all have our own perception of the matter, which is coloured by our own experiences (let’s just say that an absolute objective view is difficult). I present here with the most objective post (at least in terms of data and facts) I could write.

Oh, and you all might have noticed, but being concise is not my forte. I tend to digress.

First of all, I assume that the concept of “coming out outside of the media” means that they could have told just close friends and family, without announcing it to the media.

But how would we know that they have done it? (and I don’t mean we should know for sure, ofc). For all we know, they may have already done this, and, from my pov, they probably have. Without entering in “fake” rumours:

TTXS bros know something (repeating myself for the nth time). From the way DZW jumps in whenever it remotely looks like dd is slipping up, how WH poses his questions, how QF teases him. It all seems references to a real, tangible thing, instead of baseless friendly teasing. It’s also very interesting that they have stopped their matchmaking mission and have instead started to defend why dd is “single”.

Their parents are their cover. Even if dd parents didn’t watch TTXS, wouldn’t someone else watch it and ask them about it? Wouldn’t they wonder about the supposed clothes that dd sends home, the medicine, the market stroll? Maybe I’m just projecting, but I wouldn’t use my parents as a shield if they weren’t aware of the situation behind it, because I’d be subjected to their questioning later. That’s why, unless I wanted to tell them or I had already told them, I wouldn’t use my parents as an excuse. So, once is alright, but dd has done it several times, and that, for me, means that his parents know.

That’s what I would consider “coming outside the media”. Of course, this doesn’t involve us fans, and it’s their decision, of which we probably will never hear about (or, at least, not soon, and that’s fine!).

In my opinion, it’s also the best course of action, especially with all the rumours that are always circulating about them. It wouldn’t be a “brave and crazy” course of action, but rather the most sensible and rational, since it’s the best way to avoid misunderstandings with your friends and family. It’s also considerate for his friends at work, just so they know what to expect when they are on stage and it allows them to understand dd’s reactions.

(Again, we are talking about dd because that’s who anon asked about. I think gg’s circle is less close to him, so it may not be the case with him, but I don’t know enough to say what would happen).

Just let’s suppose his TTXS bros didn’t know anything and just kept trying to act as matchmakers for dd. That’s the kind of situation that’s bound to be uncomfortable for everyone because dd isn’t the kind of person who’d lie (and he doesn’t fast enough to improptu questions).

The second thing I wanted to talk about is their fans’ support. I want to talk about numbers.

I’m going to explain why I only take the c-fans data as reference. We int fans don’t really count, because we don’t affect their careers directly, as c-fans do. Of course, our support is very useful in showing how many people are rooting for them, like what happened when Roseonly’s livestream with gg was live. And I like to think that they would feel better knowing that there are a lot of people in Chn and overseas that support them and whatever there is between them.

So int-fans do contribute to give more views and likes to their Roseonly livestream (if they can access it, which isn’t always the case), but they won’t buy the roses and impact with real money, so to say.

We don’t really participate in their endorsements, many won’t stay long enough to watch more dramas from them (and I do understand that the lack of eng subs is the main problem), and many don’t/can’t/don’t know how to push them up in the charts. We’ve talked before about how the c-ent industry doesn’t really need the int audience to make a lot of money, and to be highly profitable, and it still applies in a smaller case, like a single idol.

That’s why I think that in matters of real, tangible fan support, c-fans still make a bigger percentage (around 80-90%) of their support.

So, as of now, there are 3 supertopics in w/ibo that features gg/dd (let’s leave the difference in supertopics for another day, but I don’t support the discussion about people’s sex life, thanks for your understanding):

BJYX. The largest supertopic (top 1) with a wide margin from the others. It has 2.570.000 fans.

ZSWW. It’s the number 5 in the CP supertopics, with 910.000 fans.

LXFY. The number 23 in the CP supertopics with 590.000 fans.

All of them added make 4.070.000 fans. But we have to take into account the overlapping in these three supertopics: many people (like me) are following the three supertopics at the same time. That’s why, in a not scientific way, I’m guessing that those 4.070.000 come to around 4.000.000 once you take out the people that are following the three at the same time.

Even 4 million people is still a huge number of people: that’s more people than the population of the capital of my country, and one tenth of the total census here.

Yet, in China, it means 4 out of every 1400, which translates into 0′003%. It’s also from a very specific demographic (mainly female and young). Of course, it doesn’t mean that they won’t get support from other people if it ever got out, but they can’t know what would happen then for sure.

It means that, in actual 3D world, there are a lot of people who don’t know about their CP. I read the other day some tumblr blogger saying that “we bxg are in our own little bubble, not that many people know about their cp” (was that you, @jcisthebestfightme?) which I agree a lot with. I mean, my w/ibo account and tumblr is filled with bjyx/yizhan, so much that it’s easy to forget that I arranged it to be like this, but that the majority of the people don’t receive so much info about them, nor they analyze their every move like we do.

The only thing they can know for sure is what general population thinks about same sex relationships.

In a recent poll I saw, with thousands of answers about what netizens thought of the legalization of same sex marriage in Taiwan, the supporting votes didn’t get to 50%. In Taiwan, public opinion was like this around the time same sex marriage was legalized:

An opinion poll conducted in November 2016 by the Kuomintang found that 52% of the Taiwanese population supported same-sex marriage, while 43% were opposed. Another poll commissioned that same month found similar numbers: 55% in support, and 45% in opposition. Support was higher among 20–29-year-olds (80%), but decreased significantly with age. (Wikipedia)

(I just want to say, I can’t wait for the younger generations to take over).

More data: the public stance in China could be described as: “no approval, no disapproval, no promotion”, and the public opinion is becoming more and more tolerant, but there’s still a deep-set homophobia, as in only 5% of the lgbt people comes out completely (around 20% comes out to their family), and around 80% of gay men are married to women due to social and family pressure (ofc, these data is from a few years ago, and new polls and surveys are needed, but don’t expect them to carry out a wide-range survey about this nor I think the situation has changed drastically).

In my opinion, society is slowly taking more steps towards tolerance first and acceptance second. One of their best achievement was the lgbt community and many netizens’ refusal to allow w/ibo to instate a ban on content related to homosexuality, which led to w/ibo actually reversing its decision and stop banning that content in less than 3 days.

However, the fact that a lot of people express their support doesn’t take away the truth of a lot of people openly opposing it (let’s remember that there weren’t so many antis to start with in 2/27, but its effects were undeniably large and unjust).

(If any of you read more data about lgbt rights in China, please remember that Hong Kong receives a lot more Western influence, and that public opinion in HK does not represent the actual situation in mainland Chn. Ofc, because they’re more open to lgbt, there are also more data and polls carried out in HK, so a lot of info is HK based).

Leaving this kind of data aside, let’s take another matter of numbers. While they have in total 4 million fans in the supertopics, dd has as of now 35,400,000 fans following him on w/ibo and gg has 26,690,000 fans.

One thing I’m sure they are aware of is the discussion that arises from time to time between the solo fans and the bxg. Another thing they must be aware of, specially dd, is that their fanbase has a lot of females who are their fans, not just because of their talent, but also because they’re single and therefore they can fantasize about being with them.

All in all, even though a lot of people support them, there would be also quite a number of “disappointed” people, with the danger of them becoming antis.

So while I do think they appreciate it, and leave clues specifically for us, and dd goes as far as interacting with bxg, I also feel that gg and dd might not see widespread support, enough so they’d feel comfortable coming out completely with the current public stance on homosexual relationships in Chn.

(And again, from my pov, they aren’t in the closet with their family and friends).

And last, but not least, does “coming out respecting the censorship and not talking about it with the media” mean that it would be known by the general public, or, at least, their fans (in a very hypothetic case, since I don’t know how this could be achieved)? Because then, even if they didn’t talk about it with the media, it would be as good as coming out publicly.

In an idol’s life there’s no “private” and “public”. There’s only “public” and “secret” (and by secret I mean things they “hide” in public/don’t talk about, even though people next to them might know about it). The line between public and private is very very blurred in the c-ent industry.

I always remember the case of an actor who had an affair. Because of his affair (he was married and had a son), he lost endorsements, he was taken out of tv programs and literally erased from filmed episodes. The things he did in private affected very directly his job (I don’t approve of the affair, but the consequences it had surprised me a lot).

So, while I do think that gg and dd are getting bolder with time, when they were both very startled by the “you’d lose your job if you were in a relationship” phrase, the fear was real and palpable. However, I’m aware that that was their stance a year ago, and that a lot of things have changed (heck, we’ve gone through a pandemic, something I couldn’t have imagined a year ago), so I’m going to observe how they act from now.

That’s why, “coming out willingly would also save them from being eventually outed..” is true, but it’s also true that it would push them into a storm I’m not sure they’d come out completely unscathed. And it may be selfish, but I don’t want them to be the ones who test the public’s tolerance to gay idols.

I think I’m missing my point, so I’ll spell it out: if they want to come out, I’ll support them with everything I have, as I think many fans will do. If they ever prove us wrong dating another person, be it male or female, I’ll support them as a fan too. But I would like any action they take to be decided by them, instead of pressed by fans who just want a confirmation at any cost.

I’ve seen people saying that if they were really together, they should be “honest” with themselves and the audience and come out publicly. In my opinion, it’s easy to judge when you’re not the one who might lose something if you take a step in the wrong direction, and it’s not your income and your job in the line.

I’m sure (reminding you all that I believe that bjyxszd) that they’d come out completely if possible. I’m also sure that they have consulted with managers and public relations experts (and their team would have talked with them about it even if gg and dd didn’t bring it up). Therefore, I strongly believe they are doing what they think is better at the time being.

To sum up: I’ll support whatever they do, but I don’t want others to push them to do things they don’t want/aren’t prepared to do. They are already between a rock and a hard place, so whatever they do with their relationship is absolutely their call.

So, anon, I hope I have answered you, but I leave here a short summary for you in the case the info was too scattered for you:

They might have come out to friends and family, and, based on dd’s interactions with the people around him and the words he has said, I do believe he has. Because gg is also an honest, sensible person, I think he might have done the same.

after all they are the first 3 shipped real couples in china, they do have support

Chn is a big country. That means that in terms of public support, sometimes numbers that would be astronomically high in other countries, is not so much in Chn. Translating numbers into percentage, a 1% means 14 million people.

So it’s true that they have a lot of people supporting them, of course. 2 million people is a lot of people, especially considering that many don’t know about them. But when you have to take into account the general public (because it’d be a scandal), since their fans aren’t the only ones interacting with them, it’s still a low number.

Coming out willingly would also save them from being eventually outed..

That’s true in the case of family and friends. But if you’re talking about being outed in the media, that’s not possible. Known by the fans = Public.

And remember that in this case, the media wouldn’t talk about them, since talking about homosexuality in the media is prohibited. The problem would come from within the industry and the antis.

#yizhan #bjyx #ask #my post #coming out

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libermachinae · 4 years ago

Text

Fault Lines Under the Living Room

Part II: Breathe - Chapter 6: Just Another One

Also available on AO3! Chapter Summary: Ratchet and Rodimus embark. Word Count: 5096

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They could have left the last stage of planetbreak to autopilot, but Ratchet kept his hands wrapped around the yoke. If there was damage the shuttle’s sensors had missed, he said, better to have someone sentient piloting. Rodimus nodded along with his logic, like he hadn’t been aware the moment Ratchet decided he would do everything in his power to distract himself from… all this.

Rodimus had little room to feel offended. He was trying to dd the same, exploring the shuttle’s interface while background threads worked through anything he might have forgotten in their haste to leave. He hadn’t gotten around to telling the engineers about the ominous blinking panel in engine room 3, and he’d neglected to pick a replacement judge for the upcoming karaoke contest. His consciousness slipped between these background thoughts and exploration and Ratchet’s piloting, both of them trying so hard not to acknowledge the other than they jumped when the alarm went off.

“Frag.”

Rodimus grabbed for controls that failed to materialize in front of him.

“What?” he demanded, looking to the monitors for an incoming projectile despite the answer pooling in his mind.

“Haven’t reached exit velocity,” Ratchet said, punching commands into the console with one hand firm on the yoke. “Forgot how much power it takes to get these old war rigs moving. I’m adjusting the flightpath to buy us time to build momentum.” The alarm stopped. “There.”

Ratchet’s words were echoes of his thoughts, old knowledge by the time they reached Rodimus’ audials. Ratchet didn’t know how to fix that problem. Rodimus hadn’t realized it was a problem. Conversations between them were already a challenge, to add this new dimension was—

They were thinking about each other’s thoughts again. Rodimus rapidly shifted between menu options until the flashing light dragged him back out of his head.

“This sucks,” he said.

Ratchet grunted. He couldn’t keep up with all of Rodimus’ thoughts at once, and even hanging onto one was a strain, so he was trying to create hard divides between them. Right now, he was generating a list of all the medical supplies one could expect to find on a ship this size, basing it on a combination of Autobot guidelines and the kinds of repairs he had seen on POWs. Rodimus’ processor tried to latch on, but the thick jargon kept him slipping off, back to exploring the workings of their new home.

No, was home not the right word? The place they were living? Where they were captive? Their cosmic questing raft? The Decepticraft? The Drifter?

Ratchet withdrew the tracker from his subspace, ignoring the way plinking ideas sunk into his thoughts like lead nuggets into molten cadmium. Autobot and Decepticon tech was not designed to be compatible, but he had performed enough surgeries with parts scavenged from the battlefield to know how to jury rig the connection. As he pulled out a small utility knife, he thought sadly of the universal adapter he had stashed with the rest of his medical supplies, all of it now sailing away to parts unknown. Though he would knock a dent into Arcee if they ever caught up to her, he did hope his kit was getting put to use.

Rodimus wondered how long Ratchet had been preparing for his trip, when the planning had started (at the vote? Overlord?), how he could have missed it. Ratchet recoiled from the blunt curiosity and his list fell apart, dumped out of short term memory as his processor scrambled to pull up the answers to Rodimus’ questions.

Mistake, mistake, mistake.

“Just—stop,” Ratchet said, waving at Rodimus like he could dispel the corrosive thoughts with a gesture.

How do I stop? Does it hurt? You’re so quiet? Are you okay? Does it hurt? What do I do? Rodimus had never had reason to stop his processor before, and the effort of trying to now was making it worse.

Ratchet, though, had a lifetime’s experience forcing himself to focus in stressful situations. He stopped responding to Rodimus’ questions, and the thoughts that did come through were focused entirely on his hands as he stripped down the tracker’s cable. Once a physical connection had been established, he would need to register the tracker as a pilot in the navicomp, then reroute the transceivers in the shuttle’s communications array to increase their range.

His calm confidence guided Rodimus’ focus. The stream of questions would not abate, but they were no longer provoked from panic, nor did they interrupt Ratchet’s process.

Will it accept an Autobot ident?

Some even turned out to be helpful.

“Probably not,” Ratchet said, their connection helping Rodimus pinpoint which of his thoughts Ratchet was responding to. “Not a problem, I can just program a new one… dammit.”

The computer flashed red: outdated codes.

“Who was stationed on this ship they would bother updating their security?” Ratchet wondered aloud, his processor trying to piece together a workaround simpler than taking apart the entire navigation system.

Rodimus hesitated, but Ratchet caught it, so there was no point to staying quiet.

“Prowl passed me some intel before we left,” he said.

“Hm.” Ratchet’s thoughts turned sharp, a phantom pain that caused Rodimus to wince.

“Codes,” he said. “Just in case.”

He hadn’t asked where Prowl had gotten them, though Ratchet’s imagination filled in the gaps. Instead, Rodimus had been doing his best to appear professional and capable before Optimus’ infamous adviser. Prowl’s optics could not bother to emote for how unimpressed he was. That Rodimus had assumed this meeting concerning “galactic relations” would be about culture clash with their closest neighbors had not helped his image.

He had nearly run out of the office when Ultra Magnus commed to say he was actually late for another meeting, stopped only by the datapad forced his way.

“A few precautions,” Prowl had called it. Rodimus downloaded the files and stored them among the events on Kimia, tech specs for the waste disposal system, and other things he could willingly not think about.

Ratchet’s hand, poised over the keyboard, clenched and shook itself out.

“I hope you ran a virus scan on that thing before you plugged it into yourself,” he said, doing a commendable job not bringing up everything this subject of conversation was making him think about.

“No, but I passed it through my antivirals.” And it didn’t feel like Prowl was remote controlling him from the opposite side of the galaxy. He doubted Prowl had the processing capacity to pilot him through multiple rounds of volcanic derby racing, for one.

“Here.” Ratchet retrieved his portable med kit from his subspace and set it on his lap. The lists were moving back in: everything he’d lost versus what he had to work with now. Rodimus found himself sobered and accepted the antiviral chip when it was passed to him. “Load this and run another scan. You might experience a few seconds lag or disorientation; just ride it out and let the chip do its job.” A few very rare cases experienced sensory inversion, but longterm effects were uncommon enough Ratchet wouldn’t bother to mention them.

Rodimus cracked a grin as he popped open a port cover and inserted the chip. He grimaced as he installed the program—invasive medical programs were rarely comfortable to integrate—then ran Prowl’s files through it.

So, there had been a tracking signal that Rodimus’ programs had failed to uncover, but once that had been snipped out the rest were deemed safe. Rodimus tightbeamed the data to Ratchet who used it to finish building their fake Decepticon and finally got through. ‘Galeforce’ finished integrating the tracker and set the system to start searching for Drift’s signal.

“Thanks,” Ratchet said, a longer pause than normal between thinking the word and saying it out loud. Internal distractions compounded and inevitably led them to crashing into each other, so maybe talking would redirect enough of their attention to stop the spiraling before it could start.

Rodimus chanced a glance at him but could not catch his optic; he was still focused on the controls.

“No problem,” he said. Drift had once wasted a full off-shift failing to teach him how to meditate. The problem had not been Drift’s teaching: it was all Rodimus and his inability to let a thought go once it manifested. It was like they stuck him, coils of barbed wire wrapped round and around, each pinprick demanding his attention and—”How far is it to the outer rim?”

“Depends where we’re going, and if Drift’s on the move,” Ratchet said. The screen of the navicomp blinked, a pinwheel replacing the previous screen. “Might find somewhere to get comfortable. This part’s been known to go for a few hours.”

“Hours?” Rodimus repeated. Anything that could have once been considered comfortable was covered in junk. The captain’s chair had belonged to Ratchet before they had taken off, and the flight deck chairs were too abandoned to feel secure.

“The transceiver on Drift’s speeder isn’t strong enough to send a direct signal,” Ratchet said. “It’s going to have to bounce between Galactic Council transmission planets a bit before it makes it back here.” Assuming Drift had strayed close enough for one to grab his signal. From what Ratchet understood, though, they were almost impossible to avoid these days. “Whatever we get’s going to be a few days old, but it’s a start.”

Rodimus’ processor drew up a cartoonish map, a dotted line zigzagging between planets to show the path Drift’s signal would take. He recoiled from under Ratchet’s scrutiny, but all his haste could add was a backdrop of randomized stars.

“While we’re waiting, I’ve got us on course to slingshot around Scarvix’s star,” Ratchet went on. A note of surprise: Rodimus’ stress had caused his own cables to tense. “By the time the tracker gets us some coordinates, we should be ready to… This isn’t helping.”

Rodimus was distressed and Ratchet was spiraling. How were they going to make it all the way to the outer rim? What would they do if Drift had nothing for them? Refused to help? Rodimus couldn’t keep tying himself in knots, nor could he endure the sting every time Ratchet anguished over a possible future trapped together.

“I distract myself.” Rodimus forced his voice through the fog.

“How?” Ratchet was gripping the edge of the captain’s seat, squeezing until the hard edge reminded him which body was his.

“A lot of things work: racing, fight,” Rodimus said. “Anything that could get me out of my head for a few minutes.”

Meteor surfing, free all skydiving, asteroid spelunking. Any activity that teased the edge of mortality (crafting a spectacle was a bonus) was fair game. The rush of knowing he was solely responsible for the continued light of his spark never failed to wipe his mind of the stress of everything else.

Ratchet could not relate. Nor could he imagine how they were going to fit a racetrack into a ship just a bit larger than Swerve’s. Sparring might have been an option, were it not for the fact that every step risked tripping and landing face first on something volatile.

The idea hit Rodimus and he groaned.

“What about—cleaning?” Ratchet gestured around them. “I don’t want to put up with this chaos for longer than I have to.”

And there was something nostalgic about it. After the destruction of his Rodion clinic, Ratchet started practicing performative minimalism; anything of purely sentimental value had to be kept on his person, out of harm’s way. Prior to that, his offices had been littered with evidence of a life lived mostly within their walls: chickenscratch notes immediately forgotten, used energon cubes, and fond mementos from old friends he would get around to calling one of these days, for sure. Over days and weeks it would pile up, until he was using his lap as a desk and had no choice but to sweep it all back into a configuration resembling tidiness.

Rodimus balked at Ratchet’s fondness of those memories. Cleaning for him was performed on hands and knees, tips of steel wool sticking into his finish as he worked rust out of wash rack corners. Back and forth over the same spot, over and over and over, until boredom pressed down like it intended him to become one with the floor.

“Punishment detail,” he said, though Ratchet had already guessed.

During the war he had bounced between barracks and military vessels, plugging into recharge docks still warm from their last occupant. How could he ever take pride over a cleaned room when neither the space nor the mess belonged to him? He had tried to improve his habits upon moving into the Lost Light, but there were reasons Ultra Magnus refused to meet him at his hab suite.

“It’s not just about the space,” Ratchet said. “It’s an emotional reset. When you have time to clean, it means the fighting’s over for now.” Ratchet’s memories had lost hold of entire days stationed in field hospitals, brought back only as he had wiped down his instruments and organized his remaining supplies. Rubbing cleanser deep into his joints to free them of the day’s residue was one small kindness he could afford himself.

Rodimus shrugged and twisted in the seat so he could rest his chin on the back of it. He scanned the room. It certainly looked like a fight had gone through.

“Right.” Ratchet did one better than him and stood up. “You’ve got decent knees, so you can start by hauling those shelves back into place.”

“Decent knees?” Rodimus repeated, allowing himself to crack a grin. He shoved himself from the chair and wandered out into the swamp, tripping once as he felt something snap under his heel. “Old joint all worn out, doc?”

“Just got them replaced,” Ratchet corrected, “and I’d rather not break them in on a mess that wasn’t even my fault.” First Aid would let him have it, and he was already due for a tongue lashing whenever they got back to the Lost Light. “This can be your penance.”

“Penance.” Rodimus laughed through the word, though he was already maneuvering around the shelves in question, trying to guess which end would be easiest to lift from given the state of the floor around them. “Right, because I’m the one who put you on this ship in the first place.” Neither would have been out here if Ratchet had just asked to go get Drift.

Nor if Rodimus had gone first—not sent him away—prevented Overlord—

“Here,” Ratchet said, clearing some of the space Rodimus had been tiptoeing around. “Let’s start with this.”

They started together, Ratchet picking through whatever was in Rodimus’ way as he heaved the shelves upright, but their tasks caused them to drift apart, Ratchet sorting through his findings while Rodimus shoved the room back into a semblance of order. He drifted into a rhythm of lifting and pushing, occasionally grunting with the effort of returning the room to its previous state. This plan was derailed almost immediately: he’d had other things on his mind when he first rushed onto the bridge, and the placement of the various shelves and crates had missed his attention entirely. Even Ratchet’s memory of the layout was imperfect.

So, he got creative with it, using the shelves to form a divider between the cockpit and what would have been the command zone. He used the crates to fill in the gaps and form uneven benches along the walls, and as he took to shoving the broken pieces and miscellaneous ends into piles, the bridge started to take the shape of a living space. Ratchet, glancing up from his work only to remind Rodimus not to lift with his back, had no complaints about the design choices.

He spoke up again when Rodimus paused before one of the larger crates, considering it carefully.

“It’s not a bad idea,” he said, “but I doubt you’re the first to have it. Why would the Cons waste space with chairs when they’re already tripping over storage cubes?”

“You can’t relax sitting on a block,” Rodimus said, although, he reflected, that was likely the point.

In the end, he settled for placing a couple smaller cubes on either side of the makeshift table, almost adding a third before he thought better of it and slotted it into a space on the wall, finally covering up the loosened panel from which red light continued to trickle. His cables relaxed and he became aware that he had been hearing a buzz (a melody?) in the back of his processor ever since the flare. The silence that swept in to fill the space was just as loud, but slightly less grating.

His optics swept the room; still chaotic, according to Ratchet, but Rodimus thought it was gaining a shape. Noticing that he had accidentally blocked the door at the back of the bridge, he went to clear it, and was surprised when it didn’t open automatically for him, nor did he see a control pad.

“Ident sensor,” Ratchet said. He had noticed it built into the upper frame of the door.

“What, more secret tech stashed back there?” Rodimus asked. Both their minds bloomed with possibilities, but Ratchet shut them down.

“Recharge docks, more likely,” he said. “We had similar systems on some of the larger warships. Kept bots to their assigned off-shifts.” On one occasion, a superior officer had tried to use the same tactic to lock Ratchet out of his medbay when he was supposed to be recharging. After the public fallout settled, no one else dared to try it. “I can rig up our transceivers with a couple more facsimiles, soon as I’m finished here.”

Rodimus grinned and waved up at the sensor. He thought he could feel a brush of radiation as it scanned him, but Ratchet rebuffed the notion; it wasn’t nearly that powerful.

If that was true, what was to stop the Decepticons from lacing their ships with invisible observation devices? What if it had already discovered the intruders and was sending alerts straight to the DJD who were—

Fifteen pounds titanium alloys, ten pounds compressed carbon, eighty pounds halogen…

Ratchet’s thoughts were calm, regular, and purposeful enough for Rodimus to latch on. He glanced around again. He could start clearing the stairs. Or sweeping up glass. He could create a designated pile of useful equipment, or check that all the navigation terminals were in working order, or perform a quick security sweep. So many options. So many ways to prove that he was taking this seriously and was ready to work to stay out of Ratchet’s way.

“Come here, Rodimus.”

Of course, thinking about his options accomplished none of them. Aware he would continue wasting time if left to his own devices, he complied, plopping down in front of Ratchet. He landed in a relaxed sprawl, his position calculated down to the bend of his fingers.

Ratchet glanced up to him, thoughts of energon stock briefly set aside.

“Maybe you should’ve paid more attention to those meditation lessons,” he said.

“Told you, it didn’t work.” Never mind that he hadn’t said that part out loud; it was the defining feature of that memory. Drift had tried so hard, patiently explaining each step and troubleshooting when Rodimus struggled. They had tried different techniques, positions, even locations, and at every one, Rodimus’ thoughts had caught up to him and refused to be ignored. And every time, Drift had nodded with gentle understanding and suggested something new to try.

Because that was who Drift was: patient, calm, nonjudgmental. A forged mentor.

Ratchet’s thoughts hit him like acid rain.

“Did you know your ‘best friend’ at all?”

Of course he did, he wanted to say. All the important bits! Like that he was more regimented than Magnus when it came to his refueling schedule: one cube at the start of duty shift, and one at off-shift, every single cycle. That with his years brought experience untold, solutions and advice always at the ready. That Drift had been, and still was, extremely dangerous.

But when he dove inward to find these answers, he discovered something else: another Drift, sharp, with tattered, ill-defined edges that nonetheless drew and intimidating silhouette. This Drift was cloaked not in radiant light, but wrapped himself in darkness like a shawl, and when he tried to speak it was in many voices, none of which Rodimus recognized.

“Real friends don’t worship the ground you walk on,” Ratchet was saying. “I know your perception’s skewed since you think you have to live up to the very scratches in Optimus’ finish, but that behavior’s not healthy and it’s not normal. Drift is a real person, not some sort of—of fantasy fulfillment for you to drain until your hero complex is satisfied.”

Impatient, masking over constant stress, deeply critical of everyone but wrestling with his own failings: the other Drift’s hand appeared not with a sword, but a gun.

“I’m sorry.”

And vanished.

Ratchet released his death grip on an energon cube and set it aside.

“Not me you need to apologize to.”

“I know,” Rodimus said. “But you’re here, and it means something to you.”

“It doesn’t.” Ratchet’s lie was scratchy, like a frayed wire. “Drift’s made plenty of bad decisions in his life.” You’re just another one.

That’s not any of your business.

Habit kept them civil on the outside, but nothing, least of all self control, could stop them from thinking their truths. Drift had taken his post-war freedom and handed it straight to Rodimus, his dripping optimism like a fresh protoform faith. He had taken every dirty, demeaning job the Lost Light required of him, because he was good at them, because he wanted to help, because it was the only thing he knew how to do, because Rodimus had asked. Rodimus had taken advantage of, given an opportunity to, betrayed, saved, sacrificed—trying his best and couldn’t help that—

“Cleaning,” Ratchet said. “Cleaning.”

It took Rodimus a second just to find his body, then remember the piles of cubes stacked between them.

“What?” he asked. Even with a mental warning, he startled at the cleaning rag that landed on him.

“Some of the cubes were damaged in the crash, but it’s impossible to tell which when they’re piled together like this,” Ratchet said. He picked one from the pile and nested it in his own rag, diligently wiping away the loose energon before he unwrapped it and held it to the light. “Clean ‘em and check for damage. Get a leaker, pour it into the can with the rest. We can feed them to the ship’s reserve cells.”

The flight time bought by even a full crate’s worth of cubes would be negligible, but that wasn’t the point. Rodimus took a cube off the top of the nearest pile, feeling along the buckled edges. Were it just his own head to deal with, it might have been enough, but Ratchet’s still burning fury would not be so easily shut off.

“He volunteered,” Rodimus said.

Had he? Ratchet hadn’t known that. Rather than calm him, though, the new information made the fire in his spark burn hotter.

“I’m not having this conversation,” he said.

The cube hit the floor with an unsatisfying thud and Rodimus stood up.

“Whatever.” He had a taste of grim satisfaction watching Ratchet freeze.

“Don’t—” Ratchet started, but Rodimus cut him off.

“I get it,” he said. “You hate me. I’m used to it. I get people hating me for who I am way before they find out all the slagged choices I’ve made. But when you’re—you—”

Ratchet was treating Drift like a drone, unable to make any choice beyond its core programming, and Rodimus the cruel engineer who delighted in watching it shock itself. Rodimus could take lashing Ratchet delivered, but objectifying Drift and calling it righteous was a step too far.

“Except that’s not what I’m saying,” Ratchet said. His voice was steady and he stayed seated; he did not try to chase Rodimus. “Of course Drift is self-sufficient. I’ve never doubted that. And I believe you that he volunteered, because it’s the exact kind of glitched plan he would come up with. But the world is bigger than you, Rodimus.”

He knew—

Drift pledging life and spark to a leader whose words struck a thousand furnaces. Cast through self-revolutions of building and breaking himself, each new face patterned after what the last one lacked. Fighting his way up an eroding cliff face of rejection, reaching out…

“It’s more than you,” Ratchet said. “Drift might have volunteered. But I’ve got to check your conductors for rust if you think he wanted to go.”

“I know, but…” If Drift wanted salvation, who was Rodimus to deny him?

“His friend, allegedly.” Though Ratchet seethed with the word, there was a hidden gentleness behind it. Drift needed friends.

Rodimus had never considered that. He knew Drift was not well liked among some Autobots, a target of suspicion if not outright hostility, but Rodimus had always seen him rise above it. Strong and steadfast and as confident in himself as he was, isolation seemed no weight on his struts.

“He’s just a bot like any other,” Ratchet said. Well. Not any other. Neither knew anyone quite like Drift. “He gets slagged ideas, too, and as you’re friend, you’re supposed to tell him that.”

Ratchet had never hesitated to tell Optimus when he was being an idiot. Not much good it had done them all in the end, but memories of yelling at the Prime while elbow-deep in his wiring helped break the tension that had crystallized between them.

“I messed up,” Rodimus said quietly.

Ratchet gestured to the floor on the other side of the cube pile.

“You did,” he said, shaking his head at Rodimus’ ripe disappointment. “What do you want me to do? Say you tried your best and forgive you? You’re right, Rodimus. Whatever your reasons for not acting sooner, Drift’s the one who has to deal with your consequences.”

“I’m scared,” Rodimus admitted as he took a seat again. He picked up the cube he had been checking before and looked it over: no leaks. He put it in the intact pile and retrieved the next. “I liked what we had before, and I’m scared Drift’s going to hate me now that his big sacrifice turned out to be for nothing.”

“What you had before wasn’t sustainable,” Ratchet said. He had moved back into his own rhythm, optics on his hands while he spoke to Rodimus. “Want to talk about objectifying? You treated Drift like a personal worshiper.”

Rodimus ducked his helm. It sucked to feel Ratchet’s scrutiny even without those fierce optics on him, but he knew it was deserved. It had just been so nice to feel appreciated for once. To have someone tell him, without disclaimer or exception, that he was good at something and could help people. Everyone else was always searching for his flaw; Drift had been the first to explore Rodimus with the intention to find his virtues. It was the praise Rodimus missed most, second only to the camaraderie, and even while acknowledging it was for the best, it still stung to know he couldn’t have that back.

Ratchet set down a cube and did not immediately reach for another one.

“I can’t make any guarantees about what Drift will do, but I think you would actually find friendship without aftkissing to be more rewarding,” he said.

But I liked that, Rodimus thought, to his horror. Ratchet rolled his optics.

I’m sure you did.

“Of course,” he said out loud. “And you never doubted it? Never once thought, ‘Hey, this level of devotion from a bot I haven’t shared three words with is a little weird’?”

No. But a few moments slipped in from Rodimus’ memories. When Drift told him about his affiliation ceremony, there were embers of a once blazing inferno glowing behind his optics, a side of the ex-Decepticon that Rodimus told himself was but a lingering echo. Drift had given up that kind of passion on his road to atonement. At least, Rodimus had convinced himself as much.

“He told you exactly what you wanted to hear, knowing you would fill in the gaps,” Ratchet said. “He is a survivalist.” And to have survived so much, only to once more find himself without a home or support was a mockery of justice and everything Ratchet had believed the Autobots stood for.

That was why he needed to leave.

“And you’re getting your new chance because of it,” he said. “You didn’t earn it, but you’re getting one anyway. And if you really meant that apology, you’ll do something different this time.”

Rodimus knew that, could internalize the idea, but when so much of what he did felt like an externally sourced script running of its own volition, he struggled to make it a guarantee. He could intend, with every fiber of every cable, to do better the second time around. But so often the pressure of potential disappointment became its own self-fulfilling prophecy.

“Well, so long as we’re stuck together, you won’t be alone,” Ratchet said. “I’ll be there. I won’t let you do that to him.”

“Okay,” Rodimus said. He had heard promises like that before, from bot who promised to support him only to turn tailpipe once they learned what that meant.

But now he could feel Ratchet’s resolve. Not to Rodimus, to whom his emotions were turbulent and untrustworthy, but to Drift and giving him what life would otherwise conspire to keep away. He thought Drift a fool for the role he had assigned himself at Rodimus’ side, but he would not deny him his agency if that was something he wanted to regain.

The navicomp beeped. They stood simultaneously and Ratchet moved back to the captain’s chair to inspect the screen.

“We’ve got a hit,” he said. “Vitreous.” An organic planet, according to the report. Neither of their databanks could produce any further information.

“A week?” Rodimus’ voice was tight as Ratchet scanned the details.

“Give or take,” he said. “If we need to refuel, that will add a couple days.”

“Sure.” Rodimus was trying very hard not to think about what a week of this would be like.

Ratchet was doing it enough for both of them.

#maccadam #transformers #ratchet #rodimus #my writing #longfic #fault lines #posting this a full day after ao3 dfsgjldfkjh #lifes really living rn

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rawmeanderson · 5 years ago

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bring you back to me ― part ix

ft. jeff skinner plot: when your high school sweetheart gets traded to the same city where you now live and work, your best friend just can’t mind her own business ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ warnings. swearing, drinking/drunkenness, all sorts of nsfw stuff 👏🏻 word count: 7.4k notes at the end! also, a maaaaasive shoutouts go to @ferraromarios, @drunkduncs, and @capobiancos for being such good, supportive friends 💖 visit my masterlist (there’s a link in the description!) to sign up for email alerts or to view the master document with all parts of the fic for easy binge reading!!

“God fucking dammit,” Lydia mutters after someone a few tables over called bingo, earning a dirty look from the older lady at the table ahead of you. You snort softly, reaching for your mimosa as Lydia continues to mutter under her breath.

“I don’t know why we keep coming here, you always end up so angry,” you tease, grinning as she rips of the top sheet of her cards.

“It’s boozy bingo, y/n, it’s worth the anger,” she says, looking at you like you should know that. Your only response is to finish off the rest of your drink, putting the empty glass down next to your cards to pick up your dauber.

Saturday afternoon boozy bingo was a staple for you and Lydia, but it was the first time you’d been back in a while. The brunch was good, but you mostly showed up for $1 mimosas and bloody marys, while Lydia was there for the bingo. She got wildly competitive during the game, and her trash talking had almost gotten you thrown out on a couple occasions. Honestly, the entertainment watching Lydia’s frustration build and build as the games went on made it all worth it.

Peter was with you today, since he was in town for a few more days. Since it was between games, he went up to the bar to grab drinks, including another mimosa for you.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while,” you tell her, nudging her under the table as you pout at her. A quiet chatter had started between games, and you were glad to have a minute alone with your best friend.

“Yeah, I know,” she responds, sighing as she pushes her hair out of her face. “Since my sister’s been out of town a lot for work, I’ve been having to take Mom to her appointments and stuff, and I’ve just been absolutely drained from it.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you get a double dose of me today, right?” you ask, winking when she looks at you and you both laugh. The two of you were going to the game that night to see the Sabres play the Sharks.

Peter returns a second later, putting two mimosas down in front of you and you shoot him a thumbs up.

“Good call, bud,” you tell him, already reaching for one.

“I figured you might need the extra to help drown out this one,” he responds, pointing at Lydia with a grin. Lydia gave him the finger as he puts a bloody mary down in front of her. “Watch it, or I’ll spit in the next one.” You grimace at his warning even though it wasn’t directed to you, and you straightening up in your seat as the next game starts.

Between numbers, you sip at your drink and glance at your phone, figuring that Jeff is probably taking his pre-game nap by now. Tipsy already, the thought of climbing into bed with him for a nap is very appealing, but not worth leaving Lydia and Peter.

You had stayed at your own place last night, watching Jeff’s game in Detroit from your couch. Jeff had to be up early for a work out and press stuff before the game, and you’d used your morning to clean up around the house and to catch up on laundry. You’d even dug your suitcase out of your closet, knowing you needed to start packing soon since you and Jeff were leaving for your brother’s wedding in four days.

After bumping into Peter a few nights earlier, the two of you and Lydia had been able to make plans for Saturday afternoon, and here you were. You had pushed your hardest to go putt-putt-ing, but you were out voted in favor of boozy bingo.

Lydia is a number away from winning, nibbling on the end of the celery from her bloody mary as her eyes bounce over her cards. She’s murmuring the number she needs to herself and toying with the ends of her hair with tense shoulders.

“Is she always like this?” he asks when you look at him, voice low and almost concerned. Grinning, you nod, nearly laughing because you hadn’t realized he’d never been to bingo with her before.

“Yeah, she’s nearly got bingo down to an art form if you ask me,” you respond, sipping at your drink.

“I can hear you,” Lydia says with a grin, not even looking up from her cards.

In the end, none of you won anything, but you had more than your fair share of mimosas.You and Lydia had each been planning to rideshare home, but thankfully, Peter offered to play taxi driver since he hadn’t been drinking. Lydia was worse off than you and pissed that she hadn’t won anything, making her a damn near lethal combination.

“I swear, those old bitches cheat somehow,” she mutters as you approach Peter’s rental car. You laugh, nodding to appease her as she climbs in the backseat. You take shotgun, and Peter grins at you as he starts up the car.

“It’s like I never left, right?” he asks and you nod as Lydia continues to rant from the backseat. It was true though. Peter, never much of a drinker, had often played DD for you and Lydia in the time you’d known each other, and having him there again felt like nothing had changed.

Lydia’s place was closer, so she was dropped off first. As she steps out of the car, you roll your window down, reminding her to set an alarm so she wouldn’t oversleep and miss dinner and the game later. She thanks you, calling you ‘mom’ teasingly. Considering you’re drunk, it’s extra funny and sends you into a fit of laughter. Lydia threw a peace sign up before turning to make her way to her building, and you and Peter stay put to make sure she gets to the door without tripping or managing to fall over.

Satisfied that Lydia was safely inside, Peter pulled away from the curb, glancing at you. “You’re gonna have to tell me where to go,” he tells you.

You snort, shaking your head. “Shit, you know I have no sense of direction, so let’s see how this goes,” you joke, sitting up in your seat a little more. “Turn left up here, head toward downtown.”

Peter laughs, turning on his blinker on as he nods. The two of you are quiet for a few moments aside from you giving the occasional direction before starting in with a bit of small talk. You ask about his new office, how he’s adjusting to being in a new city, and he says he’s enjoying it, that he’s happy he made the move even if it did put him far from family.

“Have you found friends to replace Lydia and me yet?” you ask, trying to decide which would be the best route to get to Jeff’s from where you were then.

“Nah, impossible, really,” he admits, glancing at you with a grin.

“Well, shucks,” you tease, laughing as you push your hair back out of your face. Jeff still didn’t seem to be awake since he hadn’t answered any of your messages from earlier, and the thought of climbing into bed with him made you feel warm and soft all over. “Take a right up here, that way’s probably quicker.”

“The fuck do you mean, probably?” Peter questions, making you crack up all over again. “So, correct me if I’m wrong, but Jeff Skinner, the professional hockey player, is your boyfriend, and you didn’t even tell me about it?”

“Yeah,” you respond, trying to look apologetic for not telling him but you just ended up grinning like an idiot at the mere mention of Jeff. “I’can’t believe Lydia didn’t tell you, this is the result of her handiwork.”

Peter’s not even surprised by that. “So, are you going to tell me how all of this happened, or what?”

You snort then, shrugging as you continue to smile. “I’ve known Jeff for as long as I can remember really. He played hockey with my brother when we were little, our families are friends. We dated for a while in high school, then he got drafted and went to North Carolina. Now eight years later, he got traded here and Lydia tricked me into going to a game, and here we are.”

“Shut the fuck up, that’s some rom-com shit, honestly,” he says, glancing at you with a look of teasing disbelief. “He’s a good guy though?”

The question makes you smile. Peter had always been one to look after both you and Lydia, and you’re glad to see that the distance hadn’t changed that. “The best, really. He always has been,” you assure him and he nods. “We’ve probably moved kind of fast, but it’s been so easy, like we just picked up where we left off.”

“Good. You’re happy, I can tell. I’ve never seen you light up like that when you talk about someone,” he tells you, looking over at you quickly before changing lanes.

Feeling your cheeks burn with a flush, you cross the subject. “Enough about me, what about you, huh? Have you been dating at all?” you question, raising an eyebrow as you glance over at him.

Peter laughs, shaking his head immediately. “No, not at all, honestly. I just feel like I haven’t had any time to even try. I’m trying to make friends first, then go from there,” he admits, and you nodding in understanding.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, that was me a couple years ago,” you way with a sympathetic smile. You spot Jeff’s building and quickly point it out to Peter. “It’s that one! Just drop me off where you can, I guess.”

Peter pulls to the curb, and you unfasten your seatbelt before turning to hug him over the center console. He hugs you back tightly, and when you pull away, you’re smiling.

“Have a good trip home tomorrow, and please, let us know when you’re in town next!” you say, making sure you’ve got your phone and keys before opening the door.

“Don’t worry, I will,” he promises as you climb out of the car. He waves as you close the door, and you do the same before heading toward the door.

In your drunken state, it takes a moment for you to figure out which key you need to use, then another to fit it into the lock to get into the lobby. You doubt Jeff is awake yet, but you text him to tell him you’re in the lobby anyway, and you press the up button on the elevator repeatedly in impatience.

You ran into the same delay with your keys outside Jeff’s door, and you nearly trip as you step into his apartment. It’s quiet and you hush yourself softly while toeing off your shows. Knowing you’d left a hamper of clean clothes in the laundry room, you stop there first to change into leggings and one of Jeff’s shirts, fully intent on being lazy and cozy until you had to leave for the game later.

Jeff’s bedroom door is partially open when you approach it a moment later, and you smile to yourself when you see him in bed. He’s shirtless, blankets pulled up to his chest and he’s sprawled out, looking so sweet and relaxed. You cross the room and slip under the sheets with him, the shifting of the bed making him sigh quietly in his sleep. Staying still for a moment, you listen to the even sound of his breathing before leaning over him enough to kiss his chest lightly.

He stirred a little, grumbling as he brought a hand up to run over your hair. Smiling to yourself, you kiss higher, along his neck and he loops an arm around you as you finally kiss his mouth.

“Hi,” you murmur, pulling back to look down at him.

“Hey,” he responds, sounding groggy as he turns his head to yawn. “What time is it?”

“Almost 2,” you say, pressing another kiss to his mouth before shifting to straddle him. He looks up at with a sleepy grin as you drape your body over his. “Did you have a good nap?” Jeff nods, tilting his head up enough to kiss you again. You feel warm all over, absolutely giddy just to be there with him.

“Did you have a good time gambling and day drinking?” he asks and you snort, laughing as you nod back at him. You reposition yourself just slightly, hips pressing down against his in a way that makes electricity shoot up your spine.

“Yeah, it was fun. Lydia drank more than I did, so she was all fired up about losing,” you tell him, moving down his body more and kissing his collarbone.

He chuckles, the sound vibrating in his chest. “Yeah, I’m sure she was,” he responds, bringing a hand up to push your hair back out of your face. He toys with the strands idly as you move lower again, kissing down his chest as you glance up at him. “What are you doing?” A crooked grin settles on his face that you mirror back to him.

“Haven’t decided yet,” you murmur, kissing his stomach as you toy with the waist of his sweatpants. He chuckles softly, nodding and tucking a hand behind his head as he watches you. Looking up at him, you bite your lip while shifting to kneel between his knees.

“We’ve got a couple of hours to figure it out,” he teases, and you grin, humming in agreement as you kiss the line of his hip.

“Don’t think I’ll need that long,” you respond, bringing a hand up to brush your knuckles over the hardening line of his cock. Looking up at him through your lashes, you kiss just above the band of his pants. His abs tense at the light touch of your lips, making you smirk.

When his hand tightens into a fist at his side, you can’t help the soft chuckle that leaves you. Moving lower, your lips ghost over the obvious bludge of his cock and he swears under his breath, hips twitching with the effort to keep still as he watches you.

“Christ, are you trying to make me beg for it?” he asks, and you look up in time to see him practically squirming in place.

You bite your lip again in an attempt to hide the grin that spread across your face, shrugging as you tilt your head to one side. “I haven’t ruled it out,” you say in an attempt to sound coy. Jeff cursed then, letting his head fall back against the pillow, and you laugh quietly, shaking your head. “So impatient.” Your words come as you tsk softly, and he nods in response, exhaling a breath.

Jeff brings a hand up to push your hair out of your face so he can look at you, a tender motion that never fails to make you shiver. You glance up to make eye contact with him before giving in and starting to tugs his sweats down his hips. He lets out a relieved sigh, lifting his hips lazily to help you out, and your mouth follows the path of the fabric, kissing his newly exposed skin.

With his cock free, your hand moves quickly, stroking him slowly from base to tip with a hum. He twitches against your palm, and he twists the sheets in his fist when your head tilts to trace the vein the runs up his shaft with your tongue. Your mouth is practically watering by the time your lips close enough the head of his cock, sucking lightly before pulling off. A sound of frustration leaves him and your grin reappears.

“You ready to beg yet, or should I keep teasing?” you ask, eyebrow raised as you stroke him again slowly. He hisses, hips rocking toward your hand as his brows knit together. His chest is flushed, the color rising higher and he whines your name so quietly that you can barely hear it.

“Fuuuck, y/n. Please, sweetheart,” he murmurs, voice low. He’s watching you intently, eyes on your hand that’s wrapped around his dick as it continues to move in lazy strokes. You raise an eyebrow and wait for him to continue, loving the way he’s absolutely squirming. “Goddammit, I need your mouth, please.”

Jeff’s getting whinier with each passing second and it’s far too hot to say no to. You stroke him a few more times, loving the sound of him panting for you, cheeks flushed, before closing your lips around the head of his cock again. He makes a sound like the wind’s been knocked out of him, and it does wonders for your ego.

“Holy shit, thank you,” he says, sounding breathless already as you take him deeper in your mouth. His hand leaves his side to come up to your hair, tangling in the strands as he pulls it away from your face. “You look so fucking beautiful with my cock in your mouth.” The words leave him so casually that it makes you moan, pulling back enough to soothe your tongue over the slit at the head of his dick.

You start bobbing your head in slow movements, taking him deep enough that your gag reflex is almost triggered. He groans, the sound leaving him slowly as his hips press up toward you. Your clit is throbbing between your thighs then, and you can feel how slick you are when you shift. Bringing a hand up to rest on his thigh, you let your nails drag over his skin lightly as you bob your head, taking your time to let him slip deeper down your throat.

A slew of curses leaves him when you swallow around him, his hand tightening in your hair as his hips twitch toward your mouth again. You can taste pre-cum at the back of your tongue and you groan around him, relaxing your jaw as you take him deep enough that your nose is pressing against his pelvis.

Jeff makes a punched out sound, murmuring that he loves you, and when you glance up at him, he’s still watching you closely. You nearly pull off him, taking a breath and teasing along a vein with the tip of your tongue. He’s tense, practically slack-jawed as he keeps his eyes on you.

You love when he’s like this, putty in your hands (or mouth to be more specific) like you’re the only thing in the world that he’s ever wanted. His flush has moved up his neck and he’s breathing heavily, groaning as you bob your head shallowly. The sounds he makes never fail to make your pussy throb, and when you lean over him more, you can tell that you’ve already soaked through your panties.

“Baby, unless you want me cumming down your throat, you should stop,” he warns before you’ve even let him slip down your throat again.

You pull off, lifting your head to look at him with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, I don’t hate the sound of that,” you tease, stroking his cock slowly in the absence of your mouth on him.

He curses softly, head falling back against the pillow while murmuring something about you trying to kill him and you laugh, leaning forward to kiss his stomach once before pulling back.

You get to your feet on shaky legs, grinning at him as you pull your shirt off over your head, unclipping your bra a second later and letting the fabric drop to the floor. Jeff manages to tear his eyes away from you long enough to nudge his sweats off and grab a condom while you slip out of your leggings. You nearly trip as you get your panties and leggings off completely, and you laugh as you catch your balance.

“You okay?” Jeff asks, glancing at you with a wide smile on his face as he rips he condom open.

“Yep, never better,” you respond, smiling as you push your hair out of your face. Returning to the bed, you lean over him, pressing a firm kiss to his mouth. You swing your leg over his hip as he rolls the condom down onto his length, his eyes taking in the sight of your body over his again.

One of Jeff’s hand comes up to rest on your waist, leaning up enough to kiss you again, while the other slips between your legs. A low groan leaves you as his fingers slide through your folds, hips immediately canting down against his hand.

“Fuck, Jeff,” you breathe, a whimper catching in your throat. He hums in appreciation when your wetness coats his fingers, toying with your clit to make you squirm over him.

“God, you’re always so fucking wet after sucking my cock,” he murmurs, voice low as he looks up at you. His fingers are sliding through your folds effortlessly, teasing at your entrance, and you groan his name again, grinding against his hand eagerly.

Making an impatient sound, you shift, hand slipping between your bodies to guide his cock to your entrance. Your touch makes him curse softly, his lips parting as his eyes drop down to watch his cock sink into you as your hips lower toward his.

“Shit, y/n,” he groans, head falling back against the pillow with a content sigh. His hands move to your hips, resting there as you sink onto him further.

You’d forgotten how much you love riding him, how he makes you feel so full as he looks up at you like you’ll disappear if he looks away. Your thighs are tense and you bite your lip, your hands pressing against his chest as your hips lower a little more, and a moan catches in your throat. His thumb brushes idly over your skin, the other hand moving higher over your waist until he’s cupping your breast in his palm.

Leaning over him, hands resting on either side of his head, you kiss him as your hips roll down against his. He moans into your mouth, hand sliding from your hip to your ass, squeezing you there as his thumb drags over your nipple. You shiver, melting against him with a wanton groan as you try to settle into a rhythm. The head of his cock hits your g-spot with the next motion of your hips, making you tighten around him.

You’re doing your best as you try to keep focused on easy rhythm you’ve set, pussy throbbing around his length as you sit up again. Hands resting on his chest, you bite your lip playfully, grinning down at him as you grind against him rougher than before. A gasp slips from you, given the friction of your clit against his pelvic bone, and Jeff hums, eyes sliding over your frame as he rolls your nipple between his fingers.

“Mm, sweetheart,” he breaths, squeezing your ass as your hips grind into his again, the friction too good to stop chasing. “Fuck, that’s good.” You nod quickly, panting out a curse as you tilt your head back to get your hair out of your face.

It surprises you when Jeff fucks up into you, a whine slipping past your lips as your hips slam down to meet his. He curses loudly, the grip on you ass tightening and guiding your hips forward against his again. You can tell that you’re soaked, making the slide of his cock in and out of you easy and downright sinfully good.

“Come here,” Jeff says, voice low as he pulls you down to him easily. You chuckle, grinning as you lean over him again, hips never slowing as you continue to rock against him. His hand slips into your hair, keeping it back from your face and tangling in the strands as he kisses you.

You moan, whining as his teeth catch on your bottom lip. Your clit is begging for attention and a jolt runs down your spine to your core as he tugs at your nipple. “Oh, fuck, I love you,” you pant, the words exhaled into his mouth before you’re kissing him again desperately. You’re close, toes curling as your hand slips between your bodies to help yourself along.

The extra friction makes you cry out, mouth leaving his as you try to catch your breath. His mouth moves to your neck, finding the spot that always takes your breath away, then moving down to your collarbone. He tugs at your hair, not enough to hurt but enough that you gasp, the sound fading into a whine as his mouth moves over your chest. Your movements have grown more erratic, searching for the perfect combination of friction to send you over the edge.

As good as it feels to have his mouth on you and to be kissing him, you sit up again, knowing the angle is just that much better. It only takes a few rocks of your hips to have you groaning in satisfaction, leaning back slightly and resting a hand on his thigh for support while still rubbing your clit. Jeff’s eyes are glued to you as his hand comes nudges yours out of the way toy with the swollen bundle of nerves himself. You don’t stop him, a smirk sliding onto your face briefly before your mouth falls open with a moan.

“God, Jeff, that’s so fucking good,” you whimper, thighs shaking as he fucks up into you and hitting your g-spot in a way that makes you gasp. The bed is squeaking slightly with the movement of you, mixing with the sounds you’re each making.

It didn’t surprise you when your orgasm washed over you a moment later, knowing how easy it was for him to just completely unravel you. You cried out, head falling back as you try to keep the motion of your hips going. It’s more difficult than you expected, moaning his name as you grind down against him roughly.

He nods beneath you, brow creased in concentration as his thumb continues to rub firm circles against your clit. Leaning forward slightly, your hands press against his chest and you can tell from the look in his eye that he’s close as well. Your nails dig into skin, making him hiss and groan that he loves you. The rustling of fabric beneath you gives way to his pressing his foot into the mattress for leverage, as he grips your hip with one hand.

Jeff fucks up into you at the perfect angle to make you go still, desperate for him to keep hitting that same spot. Reduced to whimpering, your eyes squeeze shut, body still as his hips slam up into yours. The sound of skin on skin, his heavy breathing, and your breathless whines filled the room, and you could feel that you’d each worked up a bit of a sweat. A chill runs through your body like electricity, making you shudder as your orgasm starts to fade.

Your pussy is still tight around him when his thumb leaves your clit before he’s tugging you down to him more. He pressed his face into your neck, breathing hot into your skin and groaning while kissing down to your breasts again. He sighs your name into your chest as he cums a short moment later, grunting roughly as his hips slow until he’s worn out. You move slowly, eager to drag out the last few seconds of pleasure.

Jeff melts into the mattress as he rests his head against the pillow. His eyes are closed and you imagine that if it weren’t for the hand rubbing over your thigh contently, you’d think he’d gone back to sleep already. You don’t pull away just yet, kissing down his chest as you try to catch your breath. He’s so relaxed and you can feel his heart pounding as his hand leaves your thigh.

When he pushes your hair out of your face you look up to see him grinning at you. “Have I told you that I love you recently?” he asks, the words coming slow. His voice was like warm honey and you smile back at him before leaning up enough to press a lingering kiss to his mouth.

“A few times, yeah,” you respond, hips resting down against his as you enjoy the fullness of having him inside you still.

“Mm, gotcha,” he says, toying with the ends of your hair and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You only came once, didn’t you?” His brow creases slightly when you nod.

“Yeah, but trust me, I am a very satisfied customer,” you assure him, only to hear him snort with laughter in response. He guides your mouth back to yours, and you can feel him smiling as he kisses you. It’s slow at first, but when his tongue slides over yours, you feel your clit throb.

“Want me eat you out?” he asks, his mouth barely leaving yours. The words seem so casual and you groan, tightening around him enough that he cursed under his breath. It only takes another second before you’re nodding, moaning into his mouth as he starts to untangle himself from you.

Jeff turns you over onto your back easily and pulls out before kissing you hard before getting to his feet. Legs still open for him, you watch the muscles of his torso move as he discards the condom. Your hand slips between your thighs impatiently, and when he follows the motion of your hand, he smirks, tugging you an inch or two closer by the ankle.

He climbs back onto the bed, getting settled on his stomach between your thighs. After moving your hand away from your clit, he sucks your fingers into his mouth briefly, smirk never leaving. Guiding your legs over his shoulders, he groaned loudly at the sight of you. You knew you were absolutely soaked, and when you felt his tongue sweep through your sensitive folds a second later, your hips twitched toward his mouth.

His mouth is hot against you and your hand moves to his hair, fingers tangling in his short curls. You tug at the strands, nails brushing over his scalp to make him hum in approval. It’s impossible to stop yourself from squeezing your thighs around his head as you whimper, hips rocking easily against his mouth. He swings an arm over you to keep you still, leaning into you more while he licks from your entrance, up to your clit, then back slowly. You realize he’s cleaning you up and you relax back into the mattress as your heel digs into the back of his shoulder.

Jeff’s tongue is still moving slowly through your folds, just taking his time and you watch him with heavy lidded eyes. The damp heat of his breath hitting your skin had you shivering while your legs shake. Your fingers curl in his hair as you inhale sharply, your other hand dropping to brush light circles against your nipple.

He’s watching you with dark eyes, watching the way you tease at your breast. His pressure changes then, tongue going from slow and lazy to hungry and firm it sinks into you. You try to buck up against him but his arm keeps you in place. A wanton moan leaves you as his tongue fucks into you again before dragging slowly up to your clit again, with the same firmness that has you squeezing your thighs around his head again.

Your thumb brushes over your nipple just as he sucks your clit into his mouth, tongue flicking against you quickly and you exhale a desperate sound. “Fuuck, Jeff,” you whine, his name cut short when you cry out as he sinks a finger into you. You can feel yourself shaking, already right there at the edge with how he’d fucked you earlier.

Meeting his eye, you nod weakly and he takes your cue to sink a second fingers into your pussy. Your head falls back against the sheets as your back arches, and when his digits curl against your g-spot, you let out a string of curses. He can tell that you’re getting close and he releases your clit, taking a second to breathe before teasing at your clit again. You had abandoned the idea of toying with your nipple, far too consumed by the soft sounds of his mouth working against you.

His fingers are deep inside you, scissoring slightly and always making sure to hit your g-spot, and your legs tighten around his shoulders. Squirming, you again find yourself trapped by his arm and you make a frustrated noise that makes him pull away from you slightly.

“Cum for me, baby,” he tells you, already leaning back to seal his lips around your clit again.

Your whines build and build, eyes squeezing shut as his fingers fuck into you, and you topple over the edge a second later. You cum with a sharp moan, pulsing tightly around his fingers as Jeff groans against you, fingers still curling inside you. The orgasm is hot and bright, and Jeff guides you through it, murmuring praise every time he’s pull back from you to take a breath.

When you float back down, your eyes are heavy and you finally loosen your grip on Jeff’s hair slightly. His fingers are gone and he’s back to lapping at your folds lazily, making it that much harder to keep yourself from shaking. After another moment, you have to push him away, gasping you try to wiggle away from him.

Jeff chuckles softly, turning his head to rest against your thigh as he looks up at you. His cheeks are rosy, and when he grins, you can see that his mouth and chin are shiny with you’re wetness.

“Thought you were drying to suffocate me there for a minute,” he teases, hand sliding along your thigh as he guides your leg off his shoulder.

Laughing, you nudge him gently with your knee. “Shut up,” you respond, shaking your head as he leans up, pressing a kiss to your stomach. The light touch of his mouth makes you shiver, and you run a fingertip down his nose lightly. You’re trembling slightly, shivering as you try and catch your breath.

Jeff noses at your ribs, kissing his way up your body. Your hand returns to his hair, smoothing it with a light touch. The longer you stay there, the more relaxed you feel, and you realize that it’d be very easy to doze off. As Jeff’s mouth moved higher, he shifted to lean over you, his body radiating warmth as he kisses you on the mouth.

When he pulls away, it’s to settle back against the pillows, and he chuckles when you pout at him slightly. “C’mere, lazy,” he says, patting his chest before tugging at your hand to get you to move.

Sighing heavily, you move, curling into his side. Jeff pulls the blankets over both of you and your head settles on your chest.

tt’s easy to doze for the next hour or so, curled up with him. He had turned the TV at one point, but you weren’t conscious enough to really be sure what he was watching. Jeff ordered food, and when he went to open the door, you rolled into the warm spot he’d left behind, enjoying the smell of his shampoo and cologne clinging to the sheets. When he returned, you heard him scoff at the fact that you’d stolen his spot.

He decides to leave you be, turning around to go eat at the table and that’s when you fully drift off. Some time later, Jeff wakes you up by rubbing a hand over your back to tell you that he was leaving for the arena.

With a warm, sleepy smile you roll onto your side, promising that you’ll see him soon. You kiss him a few times before he stands up and you get the chance to appreciate how good he looks in his suit before he leaves.

Hours later, you’re awake, dressed, and enjoying the game with Lydia. The score was tied by midway through the second period and Jeff had two assists. Sipping at your beer, your eyes are on the ice, but Lydia is practically vibrating next to you.

There’s a stoppage in play a second later and you look at her with an eyebrow raised. “Go ahead,” you tell her, taking another drink. You’re wearing your jersey tonight with black jeans and booties, and Lydia’s in an Eichel jersey that you feel like you haven’t seen before.

“What are you talking about?” Lydia asks, brow creasing as she glances up at the scoreboard.

“You are clearly dying to tell me something, so go ahead,” you respond, laughing slightly. She rolls her eyes, hating that she makes things so obvious.

“I left my bag in Peter’s car, so he stopped by with it after dropping you off,” she says, pausing heavily. It doesn’t take you long to figure out what she’s implying, and you snort, shaking your head.

“Girl, look at you,” you tell her, laughing as you raise your beer to her. “Wait, did you leave your bag in his car on purpose?”

She snorts, shrugging, and you both double over in laughter. It wasn’t the first time she’d used that move, and you knew it wouldn’t be the last.

“Not like you can judge. I’d bet $50 that you went straight to Jeff’s to get busy,” she teases, and your response is to shrug, because it’s not like you’d take that bet.

The two of you continued to to chit-chat and drink, enjoying yourselves as the second period wound down. With a little over a minute to go in the period, Jeff took a hit that made you gasp, bringing you to your feet when he didn’t get up immediately. The arena was full of chatter and your heart was thundering in your chest, watching as Jeff finally got up with the help of his teammates. You dropped into your seat as he immediately went down the tunnel, and Lydia was quick to take your hand, holding it tightly.

You didn’t know what to do, so you sat there, chewing on your lip and bouncing your leg idly. Lydia was quiet, still holding your hand because she wasn’t sure what else to do to help you feel better. Your stomach twists in knots, and you send Jeff a text, unsure of when he’d even have the chance to check his phone.

“Y/n, Twitter says he’s not coming back to the game,” Lydia tells you and you sigh, pushing your hair out of your face. Through most of intermission, you’re silent, staring at your phone and hoping for some sort of news.

It finally came a few minutes into the 3rd period, a text from Jeff, asking you come down to where you usually meet him. Lydia promises that she’ll be fine watching the rest of the game by herself, and you nod, taking off up the stairs just as the Sabres score.

When you see Jeff, seeing that he’s upright and grinning, you’re relieved, putting your arms around him when you’re close enough. He’s freshly showered, and he settles an arm around your shoulder, kissing the top of your head.

“I’m alright, I promise,” he tells you, giving your body a reassuring squeeze. “Knocked the wind out of me pretty bad, and my shoulder hurts like hell, but I’m alright. They don’t think I’ll be out at all.” You nod, finally pulling back to look up at him.

You drove Jeff home and just as you were parking in his garage, you got the notification that Casey scored an empty net goal to seal the win for the Sabres. He was moving a little slower than usual and in the elevator, he was leaning into you. Neither of you said much got in the door, and Jeff immediately headed toward his room. He had mentioned the the trainer had given him some meds, and you could tell he was frustrated about being out for the night, so you gave him some space.

You busy yourself by tidying up the living room some. Folding a blanket, fluffing the pillows, and a few other meaningless tasks to pass a little bit of time. He had always been quiet after a bad game or something like this, so it didn’t come as much of a surprise.

When you come into the bedroom, he’s already in bed, on his back with one arm draped over his eyes. Jeff doesn’t move as you cross the room to go into the bathroom. You wash your face and brush your teeth before heading back into his room so you can change. After hanging up your jersey, you change into a pair of sweats and one of Jeff’s shirts, and when you turn around, he’s watching you with a sad look in his eye.

“Which side do you want me on?” you ask, giving him a sympathetic smile. He pats his left side and you climb into bed with him. It takes no time at all for him to roll toward you, settling himself under your arm to nuzzle into your collarbone.

You hardly mind, loving how quickly he curled around you. His breath against you, and your fingers rub lightly of his back as you feel him relax. Turning your head slightly, you kiss the side of his head and he snuggles into your shoulder a little more.

“How are you feeling?” you ask, voice soft as you toy with his hair.

“M’okay,” he mumbles, so pitifully that you chuckle. He exhales a deep sigh before shifting onto his side a little more, but keeping his head where it was on your shoulder. “Just glad we got to 2 points.” You nod, enjoying the way he’s leaning into your touch as you continue to play with his short curls.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to watch something?” Your voice is quiet, just hoping there’s something you can do to help him feel better.

“Not hungry, but you can put something on if you want. Can’t promise I’ll stay up for long though, I’m already pretty drowsy,” he says, tipping his head up to look at you. He looks sleepy, and you nod, pressing an easy kiss to his mouth before you reach for the remote.

“No preference what I put on then?”

“Nah, not really,” he says, settling his head on your chest again as you start scrolling through Netflix. You’re both quiet for a moment as you start an episode of Derry Girls, and with the sound of Jeff’s even breathing, you think he’s asleep already, so it surprises you when he speaks again. “Are you ready for next weekend?”

You don’t answer right away, but a second later, you nod. “Yeah, I think so. I’m kind of nervous too, but I don’t really know why,” you admit, shrugging as you keep your eyes on the tv. Knowing you probably wouldn’t bother staying up much later, you turn off the lights, grateful for the fancy tech in Jeff’s room that allows you to do it from your phone.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he says, his arm tightening around your waist. “I’m excited though, for everyone to know about us.” You smile warmly to yourself and hum in agreement.

“Me too. I’m still a little nervous, but I know it’ll be a good weekend. It’ll be nice to see everybody.”

“Mhm. Just a few more days now. Are you still coming to the game Wednesday? Figured we could leave straight from the arena,” he says, words coming slower and slower.

“Works for me,” you tell him, starting to play with his hair again. He nods, yawning before settling into you even more.

It’s no surprise that he dozes off shortly after, and you don’t stay up much later, just long enough to finish the episode you’d started. Once you turn off the tv, you lay there in the dark, enjoying the sound of Jeff’s breathing and the warmth of his body pressed against yours. It’s easy to get to sleep that night.

TA-DUH!!! I really like this chapter guys, and I hope you do as well!!! next chapter starts the 4 chapter long section of being at the wedding and i’m so excited to start working on those chapters!

#jeff skinner imagine #jeff skinner smut #bybtm #nhl imagines #nhl smut #buffalo sabres imagine

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lovelydob · 7 years ago

Text

The Accidental Friendzone

Stiles x Virgin!Reader Author: lovelydob Words: 4.4k

Warnings: NSFW Smut. Jeep sex, unprotected sex (yeah, don’t do this. real life don’t work this way.), dry humping, female masturbation, fingering, oral (female receiving), dirty talking, and swearing. Also a sassy bff Lydia, a tiny amount of angst and self pity, low self confidence and a complicated pining triangle? Idk if that’s a thing lol.

A/N: This is the fic you all voted for in celebration for reaching 1k! Thank you for that! I hope you guys like it even though it turned out wayyy fluffier than I thought it was going to. *shrugs* Oh well. I loved writing it, and I think it’s pretty cute. This is 194% better than my first time, like wtf where was my Stiles? Thanks to my bff @ninja-stiles for helping me choose a title and look over it for me! Don’t be afraid to let me know what you think!

“There he is.” Lydia whispered to you while shoving your items in your locker, making you roll your eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this. We both know he’d only be coming over here to talk to you.” You said as you slam your locker shut and face her.

“That’s not true. You two have been getting pretty close, don’t think I haven’t noticed you ditching me for him lately.” She joked, sending you a devious grin.

“Yeah. Sorry, I just really like him Lyds. You understand, right?”

“Of course! Everyone needs a good lay every once in a while.” Lydia says nonchalantly, your elbow instantly connecting to her ribs at the statement.

“What?! It’s true!” She continued.

“Yeah, except I’ve been friendzoned by him. Hard.” You sighed again, opening the water in your hand to take a few swigs.

“I bet that’s not the only thing you wished he’d do to you hard.” Lydia laughed, this time guarding her ribs with crossed arms.

Water sprayed from your mouth, a few students in the hall looking at your with confused looks as they pass by. You were just thankful you didn’t hit any of them with the small droplets of water.

“Lydia. Can you not reveal that sensitive information in public as loudly as you just did, please? Jesus.” You groaned as you closed the water bottle, glancing back at Stiles who was rummaging through his locker, thankfully unaware of the discussion between you two.

“Also, it’s kinda hard to do when all he talks about is you. No offense, but not my biggest turn on.”

“That’s a valid point.” Lydia agreed, peeking her head over your shoulder. “Oh, look who’s coming right this way.” She smiled at you.

You turn around to see Stiles walking up to you. His tight, red shirt clinging over his chest and biceps, making your body ache with lust.

“Holy shit.” You whisper to yourself, Lydia elbowing you this time to tell you to shut up.

“What are you two giggling about over here?” Stiles smiled, glancing between us both.

“Oh, just that story you told us a while ago. Freshman year when Scott almost hit you with his baseball bat because he thought someone was breaking in.” Lydia was quick to come up with an excuse.

“Oh.” Stiles chuckled, adjusting his book bag on his shoulders. “Yeah, still haven’t forgave him for that by the way.”

Awkward silence grew between you until Stiles cleared his throat.

“So, you going to the party tonight?” He directly asked Lydia, making you feel out of place.

Lydia glanced at you and back to Stiles. “Yes, we’re going to the party tonight.”

“Okay, cool. Sorry, just didn’t think Y/N was going, not really her thing. See you there.” Stiles smiled at you before walking past us and through the exit of the building.

“See? He doesn’t even notice me when you’re around.” You frowned, your heart aching at his words. Your best friend wrapped her arms around you tightly, comforting you like she always did in situations like this.

“Don’t worry sweetie, we’ll fix that tonight. You just need to get his attention in a different way.”

You flattened your jean shorts with the palms of your hands as Lydia pulled up to the house, the bass of the music already making its way to your ears before you can even get out of the car.

“Lyds, are you sure this isn’t too much?”

Lydia looked you over before fixing a few stray hairs on your head. “Nope, you look perfect. I promise. If this doesn’t work on Stiles, I’ll start to question his sexuality.” She joked, pulling out a tube of red lipstick from her purse and handing it to you. “The last touch. Put it on, it’ll make you feel like you can conquer the world.”

You stifled a laugh as you bought the tube to your lips. “Well, we all know I’m going to need the confidence.”

You finished applying it before handing it back to her, her face flashing one of her famous smiles. “Don’t worry, I have a fix for that too.”

You make your way up to the house, the door already open and inviting as you step inside and Lydia was welcomed by several people. You waved awkwardly as she introduced you to the people, recognizing some of them from school. A few eyes lingering on you more than usual, making you nibble on your bottom lip, a thing you only did when you were anxious.

“Need a drink?” Lydia asked suddenly as she pulled you towards the kitchen.

Before you know it, Lydia is handing you a red solo cup from the island inside the house. You decide not to argue with her, seeing she probably wouldn’t hear you over the loud music anyways. You brought the cup up to your lips, slowly sipping the warming liquid as you glanced around the party. You were looking for someone in particular, but you would never admit it, not even to yourself.

You scanned the room some more before your gaze connected with someone else’s. The amber eyes bored into your own for a split second before you quickly averted your attention back to the cup in your hand, taking a few gulps to calm the butterflies and self doubt currently knotting your stomach.

“Lydia.” You grabbed her arm and pulled her away from her current conversation. Her eyes widened once she looked at your current state, pressing the back of her hand to your forehead.

“Oh my God, Y/N. Are you okay? You look flushed. And you're sweating profusely.” She wrinkled her nose.

“I change my mind, this was a bad idea. It was fun while it lasted, but I'm leaving now before I embarrass myself even more.” You went on before chugging the rest of the drink in your hands while Lydia stared at you questioningly.

“He saw me. And he fucking stared, Lydia. I don't know what that means, but it can't be good, right?” Lydia glanced around the room nonchalantly, until she found him perched on the back of the couch in the living room. His intense gaze was still on you, eyes roaming from the top of your head, lingering on the skin revealed by your jean shorts before he quickly snapped his head back to his conversation with Scott.

A giggle left Lydia’s lips once she realized what was happening, your face twisting in confusion.

“What? What's the matter, did I do something?”

“Y/N, he's eye-fucking you.” She said bluntly.

Your face had reddened even more, if it were possible. This new information and the alcohol in your veins fueled an intoxicating warmth in the rest of your body, including your core.

“Should I go talk to him? What do I say?” you quickly asked Lydia, filling your cup again while you were still standing by the island.

“Yeah, I don't think you'll have to since he's already making his way over here.”

Before you could reply you felt a large hand land itself on your shoulder, followed by Stiles’ lips against your ear.

“Not that I don't think you're usually beautiful, but you look amazing right now.” He simply said, making a shiver run down your spine.

This was the first time he has ever mentioned anything about your appearance besides the occasional ‘I like your shirt’. He has definitely never called you beautiful before, but you could see yourself getting used to it.

Lydia excused herself from the conversation with some made up excuse, shooting two thumbs up your way before disappearing and leaving the both of you alone.

“Um, thanks.” You said as you looked him over. “You look great, too. As usual.” Your eyes widened in horror as you cursed your lack of filter from the drinks you've had. Stiles chuckled at the statement before rubbing the back of his neck.

“Do you want to go somewhere quieter? I haven't drank anything yet since I'm supposed to be DD later. Plus, it looks like your ride is going to be busy with someone else.” His face fell some before you turned to see what he was talking about, making the connection when you saw Lydia flirting with some football jock from a different school.

“I know that feeling” You frowned. You agreed to his offer before he could ask any questions, taking your hand in his before pulling his keys out of his pocket as you both made your way out the front door.

The ride was quiet the whole way to his ‘secret spot’ as he called it, except the low volume of the radio playing random songs in the background. The drinks from earlier still causing a fuzzy feeling in your body enough to dull your nerves.

The jeep turned onto a secluded two-track, just trees and dirt until you eventually came to a pasture, wide open and bright with shining stars.

“Oh my God, Stiles. This is beautiful.” You whispered in awe.

“Yeah, the closest town is miles away so the stars are always super bright. I thought you'd like it as much as I do. I always come out here when I need to clear my head or relax. I've never even told Scott about it.” He explained, grabbing a blanket from the back seat and throwing it over the both of you. “Just incase you get cold.”

“Wait, so why are you showing me?”

Stiles turned his head to look at you, studying your face for a second before answering you.

“Because I wanted to.” He shrugged.

“Fair enough.”

Silence fell over you both besides the faint crackle of the radio playing songs, your head getting lost in the lyrics as you watched the stars above you through the window for a while before his voice startled you from your thoughts.

“You ever feel like just moving on?” He asked, now looking at you, the question taking you by surprise.

“Wha-, what do you mean?”

“You said you knew the feeling, feeling of rejection and not being good enough.” You understood now, realizing he must have heard you at the party.

“Oh.” You swallowed hard. “Yeah, sometimes I guess. Some days are harder than others. I hate not being noticed by him. At least, the way I want him to notice me. That's actually why I'm wearing all of this… stuff. Lydia said it would quote ‘get his attention’.” You chuckled, gesturing toward your body.

“I was going to ask. It doesn't seem like something you’d normally wear. But you really do look amazing. You have a great ass.” Stiles grinned at you, making you blush and wiggle in your seat.

“Did it work?” He asked, biting his bottom lip

“I don't know, you tell me.” You whispered, dropping the bomb without warning, shocking even yourself that you finally said it.

You stared at Stiles for a moment before his eyes darted to your lips before returning to your eyes again.

“I knew it.” He licked his lips, making your heart rate increase. “Why didn't you tell me sooner?” He said, turning towards you more.

“You were always preoccupied, Stiles. And always seemed generally uninterested.”

“Not anymore.” Stiles pulled you closer to him, gently wrapping his arm around you as you nuzzled your face into his neck. “I'm done wasting my time and energy on someone who will never love me back.” Your heart fluttered but broke at the same time at his confession before he continued.

“I had a feeling. The way you started to act around me, it was in front of my face the whole time. It finally clicked when you looked at me at the party. The way you turned away when you saw me already looking at you. I finally put two and two together and decided then and there I was done wasting my time with her when you were right there. You’re one of my best friends, Y/N. And I’d love to be something more if you’re willing to let me. I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner. I’m sorry if I hurt you because of it, I didn’t mean it.”

Your lips parted in awe, completely overwhelmed with emotion as your eyes filled with tears from his words.

“It’s okay.” You mumbled as you looked at him, his face inching closer and closer to yours with each passing moment before your eyes fluttered shut and his lips connected with yours.

This moment is something you had daydreamed about for months, and the thoughts alone did not do the real kiss any justice. His soft, pink lips pushed against your own before they lead you to a more needy, desperate kiss. His mouth enveloped your own, his hands wrapping around your body as you felt his tongue swipe your lower lip, asking for entrance.

You obliged, opening your mouth to meet his soft, delicate tongue to your own. The taste of him was sweet, and you could see yourself easily becoming addicted to the new sensation.

Stiles pulled you into him as close as possible, gripping your shirt in his hands before pulling away suddenly.

“Come’re.” He said lowly as he motioned to his lap, making your panties soak instantly.

You followed his order and swung your leg over his body to straddle him, the bulge in his pants growing harder with each second as it pressed against your core. He pulled the lever on his seat, reclining all the way back and bringing you with him, attaching his lips back onto yours hungrily.

Stiles threaded his fingers in your hair as you ground yourself into his lap in search of much needed friction, causing him to groan into your mouth. His fingers popped the button of your jean shorts, taking you by surprise for a second but you welcomed it by sitting up and removing your own shirt in front of him. Stiles followed your actions by removing his shirt from his body, tossing it in the empty seat next to him.

A mess of kisses were shared between you as condensation started to fog up the windows as a natural privacy barrier, the heat of your bodies growing with each passing second.

Stiles cupped your covered breasts with his hands, your own hands undoing the button and zipper on his pants between you.

“Fuck.” He breathed, “I want you so bad.”

“I want you too Stiles. But I'm kind of nervous since I've never done this before.” Stiles brows furrowed, a look of confusion adorned his face.

“You’re still a virgin?”

You nodded bashfully, looking away from him and pushing your hair behind your ears anxiously. He kept looking at you for a moment before speaking again.

“We don't have to do anything you don't want to do.”

I shook my head at what he said, “No, that's not the problem. I would actually probably prefer losing it to you because I'm already so close and comfortable with you… I trust you, Stiles.”

“Okay,” he smiled at you, “so what is the problem? Is there a problem?”

You breathed out a sigh, trying to calm your nerves. “I guess I'm just nervous in general. I've been told it can hurt the first time.” You admitted to him, your face heating up in embarrassment.

Stiles looked at you understandingly, before leaning back in towards you to place another tender kiss to your lips. He then brushed his lips against the shell of your ear.

“I promise, I'll do everything I can to make it as pain-free and enjoyable as possible for you. If you decide you want to stop, we'll stop then and there. Just talk to me, okay?” He had calmed your nerves enough to push yourself back on him, pressing your lips to his neck in a few gentle kisses.

He reached behind you to unclasp your bra, pulling it down your arms slowly before tossing it somewhere in the jeep. His hand instinctively fondled your breasts, his fingertips brushing against your now sensitive nipples. You arched your back to press your chest towards him more, not wanting the pleasurable feeling to end. You almost let out a whine when it does for a second, until you feel his mouth surround it instead. His tongue worked over the bud and you grew wetter by the minute, his tongue circling each one equally as you carded your fingers through his hair.

You slipped your hand into your pants to find some relief of your now aching and slick pussy, Stiles moaning at the sight but quickly pulling your hand from your pants and replacing it with his own hand. His large fingers slid along your folds slowly, warming you up before popping a finger inside of you. You moaned at the new feeling, his finger rubber your walls lazily and you felt yourself contracting around the single digit, your body letting him know you needed more.

“Talk to me, what do you want?” He breathed, panting heavily into your ear.

“More.” Stiles obliged and slipped a second finger into you, scissoring your walls apart to ease the ache between your legs.

“Fuck you're so tight, even with just my fingers.” He continued rubbing them inside of you, his palm pressing against your now throbbing nub.

“Oh shit, Stiles.” You moaned, your body now moving in sync with his hand in search of more friction.

“What do you need, baby girl?”

You thought for a moment before an idea popped into your head, your body tingling in excitement at the thought.

“Your mouth.”

Stiles face lit up at the word, his usual light eyes now darkened and hooded with lust.

“I have an idea.” He said as he pulled his hand from you and quickly grabbed the blanket in the passenger seat. He brought the seat he was in back up before motioning you to crawl in back, him close behind you. He shook the blanket out, laying it down to make a makeshift bed.

He pushed you gently onto the blanket, attacking your neck with open mouthed kisses as you arched your body against his in search of friction. Stiles played with the loops of your shorts and you shook your head in agreement.

He pulled them and your panties down your legs and off of your body, dropping them next to him as he turned to look at you and his breath hitched in his throat.

“You're so fucking beautiful.” He commented, sliding his fingers through your folds again, making you squirm.

“Look at you writhing for me, you're dripping wet. Is this all mine?” He whispered seductively, making you moan at his words. Who would have thought Stiles Stilinski was such a dirty talker?

“I-I need you, Stiles.” You said through ragged breaths.

Stiles pushed his fingers back into you, your head rolling back at the feeling of them filling you once again. The feeling was amplified when you felt him open your legs even wider and nuzzle his face close to your pussy, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine and you grew even more excited.

“You have such a pretty pussy, baby girl.”

You groaned at his dirty talk, your body so wound up you knew it wouldn't take you long to snap. Your breathing was uneven, body flushed as your pussy throbbed with need.

“I'm going to cum if you keep talking like that.” Stiles smiled at you mischievously, picking up the pace of his fingers that were rubbing your walls deliciously.

“Do it. Cum all over my fingers, baby girl. Let me feel how much you're enjoying yourself. I bet you've thought about this so many times, touching yourself to the thought of me. How many times have you came thinking if me?”

“Oh fuck, Stiles.” Your back arched as you felt your orgasm creep up on you.

“How many times?” Stiles asked again, watching your face intently from between your legs.

“Every night.” You admitted, Stiles smiling at your answer before flattening his tongue against your bundle of nerves, making you moan his name repeatedly.

You felt your your high hit you like a freight train, hard and intense as your walls squeezed around his fingers and juices soaked his hand. You struggled to catch your breath, only his name escaping your mouth as you panted. He withdrew his fingers from you once you started to come down, your body still twitching with each pass of his tongue over your slit as he lapped up all of your juices.

“Still want to do this?” Stiles asked you as he palmed himself through his pants, his face completely lust-blown as he looked at your naked body in front of him. You nodded once and Stiles pulled his pants down to his knees, fisting his dick in his hand a few times.

You glanced down to his hand and your breath hitched in your throat at his size. He let go of himself before settling between your legs, his cock rubbing through your folds.

“Just tell me if you want to stop. I promise I'll take it slow.”

You answered him by wrapping your hand around him and lining him up with your entrance, and he let out a low growl at the feeling of your hand around him.

“I need you, Stiles.”

Stiles gently pushed himself into you, taking it slow as he proceeded inch by inch until he was fully sheathed inside of you. You felt an uncomfortable, full feeling for a minute as he kissed you feverishly to keep your mind off of it until the pain started to dull. His dick throbbed against your walls, pulsing along with each heartbeat you felt in his chest.

“You're doing great, baby girl.” He whispered into your ear as he peppered kisses along your neck.

Your body started to move against him involuntarily, asking him for more. He caught on and pulled himself from you, only to slowly push himself back in. You winced in pain for a second, Stiles freezing his actions to console you.

“You okay? We should stop if it hurts.” He said as he looked over you with a concerned eyes.

“No, I'm okay.”

Stiles nodded before continuing his slow thrusts, getting you warmed up and stretched for him. Your walls gripped him tightly, and you could tell he was purposely holding back for your comfort.

“You're so tight.” He groaned, watching your face as he started picking up his speed. When he noticed your eyes roll to the back of your head, he knew he found your spot and you were starting to enjoy it.

“You like that baby girl? You gotta tell me, remember?”

“Fuck, yes Stiles. You feel so good inside of me, but you're so big.” You huffed out, Stiles picking up his pace even more.

“But you're taking it so well. Do you want to cum?” You shivered before nodding your head.

“Please?”

Stiles propped himself up on his knees, spreading your knees even wider for him as he started to piston himself into you at the perfect angle, prodding that sensitive spot inside of you with every thrust. Your body was on the edge of bliss, every nerve tingling at the sensation of Stiles fucking you. You've waited so long for him, and you finally got to give yourself to him.

You opened your eyes to look at him, his face contorted in pure pleasure as he watched himself disappear inside of you over and over. You melted at the sight of him, the fact that he was enjoying this as much as you were had only pushed you closer.

That was until Stiles looked at you hazily and started rubbing your engorged clit relentlessly with his thumb.

Your orgasm happened quickly after, with Stiles following close behind. You locked your legs around him as you rode it out and you could feel him fill you up with each throb of his dick. Your heart flooded with emotion as he chanted your name, something you've always wanted to hear.

It was blissful and sweet once you both came down. You cuddled in the back of the jeep, only the blanket covering your tangled bodies as you talked about everything. You fell asleep in his arms, the soft thumps of his heartbeat lulling you into a deep slumber.

You were awoken by bright lights shining through Stiles’ front window, quickly getting up and wrapping the blanket around your body.

“Stiles!” You shook him awake, his face confused once he saw the lights and looked out the window.

“Shit! It's my dad.” He threw his boxers and pants on before jumping in the front seat to roll down the window and answer his father's knocks.

“Hey, dad.” Stiles greeted him nonchalantly. The sheriff had a confused look on his face once he noticed you sitting in the back in only a blanket.

“Hey, Mr. Stilinski.”

“Stiles, what are you doing out here? And why is Y/N naked? You know what, actually I don't even want to know.” The sheriff said as he shook his head.

“We were just camping, um, in the jeep… and it got too hot?”

The sheriff held up his hand to tell him to stop as he shook his head. “I don't want to hear details, son.” He paused for a moment. “Just make sure you ‘camp' somewhere a little more private next time.” Stiles shook his head in agreement.

“And make sure you take her to breakfast or something, get her something to eat. Be a gentleman.” Mr. Stilinski patted his son's shoulder before leaning toward him. “Get your ass home as soon as you drop her off.”

“Already planned on it, dad.” Stiles sighed, his cheeks brightening in embarrassment.

“Nice seeing you, miss Y/L/N.”

“You too, Mr. Stilinski.” You hid your face behind your hands.

The sheriff walked away and Stiles rolled up his window. You dressed yourself in silence before hopping up to the passenger seat. Stiles held his hand out to you after a minute and you took it happily. You we're going to comment on the situation, but Stiles stopped you before you could, shaking his head back and forth quickly. You finally made it to the pavement before he spoke.

“You want some breakfast?”

“That sounds amazing.” You said as you nuzzled your face into his shoulder, trying to hide your face as you laughed.

TAGS: @golddaggers @fox-lau @lovefilledtragedy @little-nya

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE PART OF MY TAG LIST!

#stiles smut #stiles stilinski #stiles imagine #stiles stilinski smut #stiles stilinski x reader #dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien smut #dylan o'brien x reader #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf #teen wolf smut

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madd-knight · 6 years ago

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Hey, I just realized I don't know anything about your paras! :0 I'm gonna send you a bunch of numbers from the ask thingy, but take your time with them!! 1, 2, 4, 7, 8, 21, 35

1.) Describe your current paracosm/daydream.

Generally, it’s a whole dimension with several different States (there are supposed to be five of them, but only three of them were developed for now). The current dd is in ‘Free City’ (this place still doesn’t have a name) which was established and developed by the refugees from all of the States in that dimension. That city is divided between the gangs, and each of them is responsible for their area. All of them follow one Rule: Do not interfere with other gang’s business (which also means they are not allowed to do their business on the territory of the other gang). The Leaders of the gangs form a Council where they meet in case of the really serious and important matter. Also, there is a person ‘a Watchdog’ who watch for the gangs to follow the Rule. The Watchdog is not allowed to belong to any gang or give preference to any of them. On the Council, they always present to guard the balance between gangs playing the role of a judge and to vote only if there is a draw. So, ‘Free City’ has all sorts of people, all sorts of business and maybe is the most developed city among other countries just because some bright minds ran away from their country and stayed here hoping to find a better life. But this city is not the safest. There are all sorts of criminal activities, this city is basically like an underground world of our universe. There are supposed to be genetically modified people, but this thing has just recently been appeared and not that much molded.

errr, what else? Idk, if there is anything just ask, I just don’t know what else to tell.

2.) How did your current paracosm/daydream come to be?

Hm, it’s an interesting question, very! All my ever existed paracosms and occasional daydreams just blended into that dimension some years ago. “Free City” is just one side of the whole universe and it’s based on my two life-long interests (true crime and mafia) and on the first paracosm that I had at the age of 11 based on the pc game ‘Mafia: The city of Lost Heaven”. Other States in the dimension have their own main themes ( Rorschakh is about banned alchemistry; L’yon is about dragon tamers; Karno is about, well, paranormal powers but not exactly; Sjyndalini is not decided yet and one more State that doesn’t have a name yet is supposed to be about science and cybertechnology).

4.) Do you have a FC for your para/me? Art? A moodboard? Tag or blog? Playlist?

I’m working on some visuals for my paras but they are not ready yet. Each para is tagged by its name.

7.) List five things you enjoy about a dynamic between two paras or parames.

I couldn’t come up with five, only four

Reiji/Richard: Richard likes to tease Reiji for their biological sex. Reiji snaps at him for that. Depending on Reiji’s mood they either toss jokes at each other or end up in the fistfight (but last is a rare occasion).

Dr. J.Rosenbell/Elliot: they full of loathing! Elliot is a frequent guest at Rosenbell’s and he usually feels himself like home there and Doc snaps at him for literally everything. Elliot likes to annoy Rosenbell.

Reiji/Suga: heart-to-heart moments. After Elliot’s death, Suga is the closest person to Reiji, and Reiji is the only person whom Suga trusts.

Lee/his partner: the intention between these two just….

8.) List your five favorite moments that have happened in your daydream.

When Elliot and Reiji broke into an official reception that was held by the wealthy and threw a party in American 20′s style.

When the boss of the Marelli Crime Family gave Reiji a ‘Bastard blues’ bar as a present (it was a very teary moment and meant a lot to Reiji).

Every time Reiji throw incriminating information about someone’s criminal activity that’s against all moral standarts to police and then triumphantly watch how the criminal is arrested by the police officers.

When Lee met his partner.

21.) What are your para/parame’s major flaws?

Elliot can be impatient, especially when he is excited about something, that’s when he can act impulsively and brings trouble to him and Reiji. He’s not the person you can trust. There are high chances he will betray a person whom he called his friend just five minutes ago or disclose their secrets. And he’s dangerous in general. He can lit someone on fire just because. Or throw a knife at a person out of nowhere. But he acts that way only with criminals or someone he dislikes.

Richard leads a fast life and doesn’t care about much. All that matters to him is money and beautiful girls.

35.) Do you know your para/parame’s star sign? What is it? Does this influence them in any way?

Elliot is Leo.

Richard is supposed to be Sagittarius.

Reiji is either Cancer or Libra.

Lou is either Libra or Virgo.

Hayes is Capricorn.

Suga is Cancer.

Sheridan is Pisces.

Some of them are influenced by their star sign but I can’t say in which way exactly, can’t specify it.

Thank you so much for the ask! That was definitely a challenge but fun to answer!

#my paras #reiji #elliot #richard #lee #sheridan #lou #hayes #suga #rosenbell #paraportal

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evansrogerskitten · 7 years ago

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Ash’s Hottest Dean Challenge

The results are in for my scientific study- Which Dean was the hottest Dean? And the answer is...

Demon Dean with 26% Season 9 Scruff was a close second place at 24.4%

Thank you for voting!! I’m now at 3.1K followers- yay, thanks babes! So I think it’d be fun to now have a writing challenge featuring the two “hottest” Deans. So here’s the rules!

1. Please be following me! My blog is cool and I will be nice to you!

2. Send me an ASK with a prompt from below. I will then assign a you a gif to go with it. Quote + Gif will be your prompts, please use both in your fic.

3. Demon Dean quotes will get a gif of DD. Scruffy season 9 quote get a scruffy season 9 gif. Gifs aren’t mine, thanks to all of our creators!

4. Please no ships. There’s a few I read but for this challenge, keep it reader insert or no pairing.

5. No non con or dub con. Write whatever genre you want. No word limit but if you don’t use the “Read More” link before 500 words, I won’t reblog it.

6. Fic due date will be March 1st in honor of the gorgeous genius who’s made Dean come alive for us all.

7. Tag me in your A/N as well as #Hottest Dean Challenge in your first 5 tags.

All fics will get feedback, reblogs, and be posted in a challenge masterlist at the end. I’m tagging forevers and favs for a signal boost and if anyone wants to join! (Btw yes, I completely agree with this science. DD has my heart.)

Quotes:

Demon Dean:

1. "Personally, I like the disease."

2. "Two shots here, and he'll have something fancy with your tiniest umbrella." @rizlow1

3. "It's just a car Sam."

4. "Well, let's not argue about good sex." @karlee-fay-my-wayward-son

5. "That your very existence sucked the life out of my life."

6. "You never had a brother. Just an excuse for not manning up.”

7. "Ah, what is this a Lifetime movie, with your puppy dog eyes?" @docharleythegeekqueen

8. "The kind of guy who sleeps with every skank in every small-town dive that he passes through?” @thebikiniinspector

9. "See from where I'm sitting there ain't much difference from what I turned into and what you already are."

10. "I protected your honor, didn't I?" @a-winchester-fairytale

11. "Mmm hmm...just uh...don't get too excited, you know. Or too attached...cause I'm just...rollin' through." @andromytta

12. "Otherwise, I turn into a demon. Yeah, yeah. I sort of got that six weeks ago."

13. "Let's go somewhere, you and me.” @notnaturalanahi

14. “Hunters. Men of Letters. What a load of crap it all is.”

15. “You have no idea what you walked into here do you? None.” @luci-in-trenchcoats Season 9/Scruffy Dean:

16. “I've got the King of Hell in my trunk.”

17. “I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.”

18. “We going to fight or make out, 'cause I'm getting some real mixed signals here.” @waywarddream

19. “Okay, pace yourself, Toto.” @dustycelt

20. “Made me want to join a mariachi band just to be near you.”

21. "Poughkeepsie." It's our go word. It means "drop everything and run." @atc74

22. “Why do I gotta be the lunch lady?” @dragonchica

23. “These aren't "supplements", they're roofies.” @littlegreenplasticsoldier

24. “Yup, bunker's haunted.”

25. “The man with all the mojo -- Captain Evil.” @roxy-davenport

26. “Killing things that need killing is kind of our job.”

27. “About what? Yeah, I lied, but you were being an infant.”

28. “Well, that's fantastic. Would you like a stuffed bear?” @jayankles

29. “Shower sex... that's complicated.”

30. “You can save the humble pie Jesus routine for somebody who gives a damn.“

Tags for signal boost and sign ups!

@thewife101 @avenger-nerd-mom @devikafernando @virtualgirlfriendsan @50shadesofyes @neganscatleesi @winchester-negan-one-shots @gallifreyansass @ria132love @uniquewerewolfsuit @justanotherdeangirl @lucilepiewhiskey @letsby @emoryhemsworth @wotinspntarnation @torn-and-frayed @akshi8278 @mamaredd123 @winchesterenthusiast @jpadjackles @sammycomesfirst @codyshany316 @winchester-writes @andromytta @roxy-davenport @impalaimagining @supernatural-jackles @but-deans-back-tho @deansgirlimpala67 @wheresthekillswitch @imagining-supernatural @mrsbatesmotel53 @negans-dirty-girl @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @just-another-busy-fangirl @mrswhozeewhatsis @atc74 @notnaturalanahi @girl-next-door-writes @danica-queen-of-hell @dracotomanddeansprincess23 @jensen-gal @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @notnaturalanahi @kittenofdoomage @jensen-jarpad @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @impala-dreamer @dragonchica @kellyn1604 @karlee-fay-my-wayward-son @mytreasures4eternity47 @rizlow1 @blushingdean @dustycelt @daughterofthebrowncoats @notnaturalanahi @luci-in-trenchcoats @manawhaat @thebikiniinspector @emilywritesaboutdean @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @littlegreenplasticsoldier

#Hottest Dean Challenge #Ash's 3K Celebration #Which Dean is the hottest Dean?#spn writing challenge #signal boost please!#writing challenge #demon dean #Demon!Dean #scruffy dean #all the deans #evansrogerskitten #thank you for following me #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfic

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parkjmini · 7 years ago

Note

Here's your chance to spread some love! Tag ten mutuals and tell us why you love them, then send to 10 people on your dash! 💘

thank you for sending me this bc im all about that love spreadin !! ((-:

1. @peachiejihoonie ; not only is she my bestie irl, but shes a gr9 writer and a super charismatic gal. i love her so much she is my rock and i love her writing !! so far she writes for pd101, so if yall are into them, you should def check out her writing bc her bullet scenarios are super bomb diggity and i know how hard she works to write them (u should still check them out even if u aren’t into them) so pls send her some love and support her writing bc she literally stopped writing for like 2 yrs and now shE’S BACK AND BETTER THAN EVERRR !!!! did i mention that i love her writing ????

2. @kapparel ; omg my alicia bb don’t even get me started. she’s absolutely gorgeous and a complete sweetheart. like she’s super genuine and she sends me so much love that i can’t even handle sometimes bc i am undeserving of her. she’s the type of person you’d want to be friends w forever bc she’s super great and im so bad at using adjectives !! her fashion sense OH MY GODDD !! don’t sleep on her bc she will come up and slay your heart i love her a lot !! she’s super nice and funny and brightens up my day whenever she talks to me !!

3. @kyunggii ; kaylie is deadass a complete darling !! she is so down to earth and an absolute adorable bean !! i love her !! she finds really great jimin content for me all the time and i feel like i annoy her w my jungkook posts and my tag games omff go give her some love bc her blog is A1 !!!! kaylie is super relatable in so many ways and im incredibly glad to have found such a gem !! like i want to protect her bc she is so precious and send her a lot of love and appreciation thank u for talking to me and dealing w me being overly excited and caps locked about everything

4. @xkatanax ; my girl mary is wild LOL i love her she is the best. i love talking to her bc her life is super interesting while i literally am the most boring person ever. she’s soooo supportive and is always lifting me up for everything i do and wow i can’t be more grateful for her !! im also the worst at messaging her back bc of time zones and i feel so bad about it ))-: pls forgive me my love !! go love her bc she is super cute like HER EYES R SO BEAUTIFUL and she’s SO COOL WOW

5. @citruscake ; we’ve never had an actual conversation b4 but she seems so cool and chic !! i love her bc she is also very interesting like honey i love reading your tag game answers bc i love getting to know you (omg that sounded super creepy but that was not my intention) i love it when you talk about your bf bc it’s the cutest thing ever and you are the cutest thing ever !! go and love her bc i am shook everytime i see her face !! thank you for sending me cute asks chains and tag games i love them alot and i get so happy whenever you send them to me and hopefully im not annoying u when i tag you in things too DD;

6. @thiccjm ; first things first is that im in love with her url i love me some thicc jimin all the time !! we’ve also never had an actual conversation b4 mainly bc im too shy to approach her she is numerously stunning GORGEOUS if you havent peeped at her selfie, you def should bc she will knock u outta ur socks and while ur at it go love her bc she reblogs hella amazing posts that i didnt even know existed !! she seems incredibly sweet too!! i hope i dont annoy u when i tag u in things either !!

7. @famfamella ; screams ELLA !! we’ve only started talking recently but she is so funny and is so fun !! I am nothing compared to her when it comes to conversation she is so lively and wow she is such a blast !!!!!!! like the way she started off the conversation had me cracking up i love it and her. she is a dear and you should go give her some love as well bc she reblogs some really hilarious/relatable posts !! and and anddd i hope she has/had an amazing time at her hoco (((-:

8. @sunnysidewrites ; okay i know it may seem like i am attacc her but i am not O K she’s super nice and incredibblyyy soft i have yet to meet another soft person on this website ACTUAL BEAN !! did i also mention that she’s a gr9 writer and she writes for svt and she’s pretty really actually super good at it ??? like check it out im srs they’re a W O W !! i love her for being super humble and she has such a lovable personality and i voted her as best laugh for our school polls bc her laugh is infectious (yes YES yES ik her irl, yall jealous yet??? ((((-; )

i rlly hope i didn’t forget anyone bc that would be very awkward lmao yikes i love my mutuals i dont think i say that enough ?? i love a lot of ppl on this site so even if i didnt mention u i still love you (the order also means nothing btw i only numbered it so it fit my organized aesthetic LOL)

#asks #my mutuals r so cute #i love them all

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kala-hira · 7 years ago

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THANK-YOU!!!

Just wanted to say a huge thank-you for all the lovely comments, reblogs & endorsements on my Hera- Half Qun mod. You are all wonderful! It really picked up my spirits as I managed to get a lovely head cold over the weekend. Also a huge thank-you to those of you who voted for it to be the file of the month, I love you all! I hope you all enjoy Hera as much as I do :)

Also wanted to thank everyone for downloading and endorsing my Kala’s Tattoo Shop. Thanks to you I made the hotfiles :) The part that makes me happiest is that the tutorial and psd are getting downloaded and used. Shout out to Dem Tattoos by monetstargazer as they were able to use the tutorial to make their own tattoo mod.

I love modding and since I started a few years back I have learnt so many new things. Prior to that I had never touched PS (other then some light editing in college for “web design” yeah the class was a joke as I learnt nothing) or 3DS Max before. I had no idea what a .dds, .obj, .nif or .esp were. The ability to share what I know with others seriously makes me happier then I can explain.

I am going to be adding a tutorial page on my blog over the next few days that will hold all my tutorials I have made to date. If you have any you want me to do just send me an ask and I will see what I can do. I am also open if you ever have any questions about modding I will try to answer as fast as I can and hopefully I can help you out. Just a disclaimer I am still a “noob” when it comes to modding so there are a lot of things that are beyond my scope of knowledge but if I can help I will.

Also thanks to some advice from @thezeroking I have started a mega account so I will be slowly uploading some of my wips for people to do with as they please. I hope some of you find them useful :)

So thank-you everyone you are the best! Love you all and I hope you have an amazing day :D

#misadventures in modding

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emprezz48 · 8 years ago

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Midnight Thoughts Part it’s-about-my-oshimen-graduating-soon-so-I-need-to-let-it-out-somewhere

Haven’t done this ever since Murai Junna grad... and here am I doing another one about Sakai Mei...

As usual, Imma put the “keep reading” thing after this so you can skip this post and have a nice day (if you want to read this, feel free to waste your time)

Enjoy~

It all started when I watched the first episode of ebi calcio which was aired in late 2014 (but I watched it like really early 2015). It was a danso episode and Mei participated in it and MAI GAWD SHE WAS IKEMEN AS FFFFFF!!! My weakness is danso, so Mei really caught my attention... It wasn’t the first time I heard of her name (I found out about NonMei combi first but I never really paid much attention???) but after watching this episode, I totally could remember her.

2015 was a busy year for me, so I only had time to focus on a few SKE members (with my oshimen being Rena at that time) but months later after Rena graduated (and when I gave up being busy lololol) I started focusing on more and more members, with Mei being one of them. I found out how cool she is, but at the same time really cute and pretty, and quite a chikin XD (and also how she’s a 97 liner like me whaaaaaaat???) and that was the time when I really like NonMei as a pairing and shipped them like a delulu fan I am lol... I really started to like Mei more and more and she became one of my favourite members.

This photo was back in Fuyucon 2015? I stumbled upon this and I asked myself “Oh? Isn’t this Goto Risako? Wow she’s actually so prettyyyyyyy~ I wonder if she’s close to Mei?” I did my research and found out that this two same-aged girls get along pretty well despite being from a different gen and team, Risako appointed Mei as the leader of gorisa children, Mei calling Risako “Gori” despite the seniority, and there are few others cute moments here and there. If wasn’t for this photo, I wouldn’t have gotten soooooo into Risako, the member whom I can relate to the most...

Also, being a DD then (without me realizing actually) I like a lot of SKE members, like really a lot. I couldn’t just stick to a member or two, pretty much I didn’t have an “oshimen”. But I was really really really following this two, commenting on their SNS, reading their blogs, digging up their older times in SKE, so on and so forth that it led to my decision to support them equally in 2016 (IT WAS ONLY LAST YEAR WTH) It was a gamble tbh. Despite being the youngest in their respective gens, they belong to the old gen of SKE. They’re also underrated as fuck (oh my god don’t get me started talking about Mei especially, wait you know what? I’ll actually get into that soon.) but I still decided to make both my oshimen instead of finding young buds (I DID FOR A WHILE BUT JUNNA...........)

I never felt so happy for an idol before. SSK is something that I have mixed feelings about, but when Mei finally ranked last year, I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I eventually cried. 63rd was a nice rank, and although it was just ONE vote, I was proud to be part of the meiteam (name of her fanbase) that helped her rank in^^ A part of me wished I had more money to spend on votes, but in general I was really happy because Mei was happy. In 2015, she managed to rank in during the preliminary round, but not getting ranked in the actually was really a frustrating moment for her. Getting ranked in SSK is one opportunity to get exposed, and I must say I was glad Mei had quite a number of jobs last year.

I started to think “Wow, 2016 is really a good year for Mei” and everyone was like “RISE MEIMEI RISE” thinking she’ll continue getting chances to shine. Too bad, what we all thought was WRONG.

16th February, that was when Mei announced her graduation during Team E kouen in order to focus on achieving her dreams in becoming an actress. It’s a dream she had for a long time, and her thoughts of graduation wasn’t a sudden one. She has talked more in her blog (I translated it here) Basically this will be a positive graduation as she’s taking one step ahead in her life.

To be honest, when she said she has thought of graduating since a year ago, I really didn’t know. All the good stuff happened in 2016 made me didn’t realize that she could leave just anytime. Then again, I can’t say that I wasn’t prepared for this. In fact, a day before her announcement, the list of members being able to participate in P4U event was released, and aside from members who already announced graduation before, Mei’s name was the only one not in the list. I must say, her fans got really scared and worried, and watched kouen the next day in fear. I was in that situation too, but I told myself to just think positively.

Of course, even with that hint, I still cried. I barely heard what she said after the “I will be graduating from SKE” part that I had to find a clip and re-watch it. I thought to myself “I wonder if my reaction would be worst if I didn’t found out about the P4U thing” but after a while, I realized that I’ll still feel sad no matter what. Yes, I am happy that Mei is starting a new chapter in life, I already told myself I’m still gonna support her and try to follow whatever stuff she gonna do in the future. But Mei being in SKE played an important role in how my wota life went for the past year. I was never SO gachi before. Yes, one year is so short, but in one year, a lot of things can happen. So I think things will change a little for me once April starts.

Ok, if there’s one thing I should be frustrated about, then that’s about the fact that she’s a freaking underrated member. Although I did say that a lot of good things happened in 2016 for Mei, that’s just because for the past years she’s in SKE, there was absolutely nothing for her. I guess it was because she was young or something, but I’ve seen her performances at least way back to 2014, and I must say, she is arguably a really good performer! No matter what she does, she looks cool. Besides that, she’s also a fun person who not only just perform, but also “interacts” and play around with members during kouen. MC, excellent. She’s good at tsukkomi. Despite overall being a good performer, it just gets me sometimes seeing her dance positions during kouen.... It’s always at the back... On top of that, never had a chance to center any unit before!!!!!! This is insane to me tbh... There were so many times I saw chances for her to center a unit (for eg. Ame no Pianist unit during TeTsuna shuffle kouen) BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED LIKE THERE WERE SO MANY CHANCES!!!!!!! Like come on... if we can see bad dancers being put up as center (not pointing on any member btw) then why can’t we see members who are clearly capable to center, not getting a chance? Like seriously, all I wanted was just ONE chance...

Which is why, when Suuchan started her own Suumelo Senbatsu (or what she name it as Melodies) and appointed Mei as the center, I was on cloud nine. Mei never had such opportunity for the past 6 years, yet her own fellow team member could gave her that spotlight. I could never thank Suuchan enough for this, although sadly, Melodies hasn’t fully formed yet (Suuchan still haven’t announced all the members) so they can’t start any activity. With Mei graduating already, we can never get to see her acting out as the center of the unit... but nevertheless, the title still counts, so I’m really thankful to Suuchan, really.

I may have sounded like I’m complaining a bit too much, but overall, I think Mei had a really really great time in SKE. She definitely learnt a lot in the past 6 years and grow up to be the best she can be. I know she love her fans a lot, she’s nice to everyone, even though she don’t give kami taiou during HS or something. In my case, since I’ve never been to HS, I could see her kindness through her replies in 755 (ok at least back when she often uses it before having twitter) I could be asking something specific, or commenting generic stuff like “have fun during kouen” or “how’s your day?” and she would still reply to them^^ Seriously nice. Like really. Cuz I do know that my japanese grammar is kinda horrible, some sentences sound weird, but she was really nice^^ It maybe ridiculous, but I screenshot all her replies to me, since I’m just an international fan who does not have $$$ and freedom to go to HS .^. SIGHHHHHHHH but anyways, I really treasure those replies as those were our ONLY interactions~ I actually wanted to write a fanletter (like legit write one and send it) but there’s way too much problems in my hand so I regretfully decided to leave it out...

ANDDDDDDD I should wrap this up since it’s already so long.........

As I’m typing this, it’s roughly 5:10 AM Japan Time so there’s around 13 hours till her graduation kouen? Obviously gonna watch it, but I’m gonna have to sleep first lol. I don’t know what kind of emotion I should have, but I hope the kouen will run smoothly. I also hope she’ll have fun and have a memorable last kouen, and although it’s weird to say this, I am looking forward to it.

Bye.

#sakai mei #SKE48 #midnight thoughts #i should sleep now #good night #thanks for reading #if you made it this far that is #i think this is a really messy structure #sorry about that #i think i've said all that i want to say #i hope so #but whatever #it doesn't matter this is supposed to be some random midnight though #*thought dammit #ok too much emotion going on #i'm sleeping now #bye

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