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#Thank you for always sending we love you
hellsdogs · 1 month
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“   Oh, I slept miserably because I was tormented by terrible visions all night. I hope none of them were prophetic! ” ( usagi 2 jun )
Spending so much time together should be illegal, Junji thinks. It started with work—he relies on her to get the most intriguing details for his articles. But as the days go by, they find themselves grabbing udon by the train station more often. Junji wouldn’t say he’s lonely; he has friends, a few girls in his life, enough going on. But his obsessions, his hyperfixations, often pull him into being by himself. And her? She’s just as socially awkward as she seems. Does she have friends? A boyfriend? Anything beyond the job that defines her? "You do realize that believing in prophetic dreams is for the desperate and the delusional, right?" Junji says, his tone of mockery and well, he's an ass. "It’s like something gets stuck in your subconscious, and suddenly you’re not just dreaming about it—you’re letting it steer your life and actions, without even realizing it. Nothing magical, just psychological." Well, even though he makes fun, he still sees her as smart, someone he can discuss subconscious and its subtleties with, he's an intellectual too, they have in common, sometimes. "What was it this time? Cats taking over the world? Or maybe you finally stabbing that creepy old man you always talk about?"
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skibasyndrome · 8 days
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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kelin-is-writing · 1 year
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people like your domestic dabi headcanons because they're the goddamn best, and I hope you feel better about your exam :( but I don't think I've slid something horny in your inbox in a minute, idk how to make people feel better so maybe a distraction will help????💕
Dabi sees you at your desk on a phone call, and at first you think he's being sweet, coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around you, and giving you a kiss on the top of the head.
That is, until he starts leaving kisses on your neck, and his hands start moving towards your chest. kisses make way to hickeys and he's groping you under your shirt, pinching at your nipples. All the while you're just chatting away on the phone trying to pretend you don't want to gasp. Honestly, you may be doing it on purpose, you DO love when he gets riled up. ..
And it's working, he raises an eyebrow at you and circles your chair. You can see the moment he gets an idea as his eyes light up, putting a finger to his lips and saying "shh" with a smile somewhere on the border of cheeky and devilish.
Since it's just you two at home, half the time neither of you can be bothered to wear pants and that's very clearly working in his favor right now. He kneels in front of your chair, making eye contact with you and starts to run two fingers over your clothed slit, just gently tracing. He has to suppress a groan as he realizes how damp your underwear is getting just from something this simple.
He pushes your underwear to the side, practically salivating at the sight. He gives you no warning as he starts eating you out like a man starved, relentless on your clit. Eventually he adds his fingers and curls them just right to the point he knows you're seeing stars. Soon you do let out a moan..and another.. and another, and he has the most smug look on his face, he doesn't stop until you've come twice back to back and you're shaking, pushing his head away because it's too much.
He looks so proud of himself, you don't know if you have the heart to tell him.....
The phone call ended only a minute or two after he arrived.......
He was so distracted by the task at hand, staring at the beautiful expressions you make, and the delicious way your back arches off the chair, that he never realized you stopped talking.
oh he is so getting you back for this later. But you like when he gets riled up, don't you?
-🎃💖
listen...
LiStEn–
LISTEN—
all this has really no business at all being SO. DAMN. HOT.
and look... LOOK—
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+18 MDNI
dabi x fem!reader
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the way dabi would be super disappointed, literally pouting, when you tell him that the call had ended right after he came. boy really wanted to put on a show for whoever was on the other side of the device, not caring one bit if they realized you were getting magnificently ate up by your boyfriend, he would actually take pride on it.
but then a little lamp lights up inside his brain: you had played him with that.
how dare you play him with that and then act like it wasn’t a big deal? ohh he was going to get back at you so bad, dabi was going to make you cry.
“since you think mocking me it’s funny, i’ll show you something hilarious.”, the villain threatened with darkened face, eyes filled to the brim with such lust, hunger and dominance that it made you let out a nervous giggle as he got closer to the bed where you were sitting on.
after that warning he has been, first of all, fingering you for good until you weren’t completely drenched, almost making you reach your orgasm but ack–! that’s exactly when he stopped his ministration, leaving you a panting mess.
dabi then started to thrust hard into you, grabbing onto the headboard to push his dick deeper into your sopping pussy, husky groans leaving his mouth past his gritted teethes as your loud moans kept riling him up. when he noticed your walls clenching around his shaft, the raven haired boy stopped his thrusts and slid his cock out of your wetness.
the moment you gave him a confused look, he grinned widely “bad girls don’t get their reward so easily, princess.”, he rested an hand on your hip positioning you on your side before laying behind you, dabi then grabbed your upper leg with one hand lifting it up to stretch your pussy out and without a warning at all he thrust balls deep into you, a choked out moan leaving your throat from that sensation you yearned for coming back, he let out a restrained moan that came into the sound of an hum “god– hmpf! are you listening to yourself? letting out such cute lewd meowls for me– argh! i’m so fucking honored...”, he’s so annoying really, but damn was he doing you so good; the vigorous and lavish drags of his dick long your velvety walls were just so fantastic it made tears build up to your eyeline.
when he angled his hips lower and bucked them up against your ass, the tip of his dick hit right there a spot inside your pussy that completely knocked the air out of your lungs for a few seconds “a-ahh! dabi! ri-right there!”, oh god! yes! that was it! your orgasm has started to building up once more! it was near! so damn close! you were starting to get dizzy from the sensation that was running all over your body, but just when you were about to cream all over his cock, dabi pulled out making you whine loudly and childishly in complaint.
this was the second time he denied you an orgasm! he was seriously being too much right now!
“what is it my precious? are you perhaps feeling... wronged?”, the villain questioned acting like he didn’t know why you just whined, a lifted eyebrow and shit-eating grin on his lips that pissed you off even more. snorting he rolled on his back giving you a cocky stare “if that’s the case, then why don’t you come and get what’s yours?”, at that clear challenge you felt peeved by the tone with which he said it, resting your eyes on his erected dick though you completely melted and nearly drooled at the sight of your juices coating it so beautifully, pussy clenching around nothing as you crawled to him and threw a leg over his waist, straddling him.
“stop mocking me...”, you blurted pouting with deeply frowned eyebrows resting your hands over his abs, hips lifted, ready to lower yourself on his manhood and finally reach your precious climax. dabi smirked wolfishly as he rested his palms on your waist, holding tight onto it “serves you right... baby!”, he growled at the end before slamming his whole shaft inside of you so hard that you tumbled forward, falling onto his chest with a loud moan as he thrusted at relentless pace inside of you while his face was now buried on your neck, dabi’s hot breath fanning it before he licks it, leaves a brief kiss and then starts sucking onto the skin harshly.
you nearly choked on your spit when he added to all of it a spank that made your ass cheek burn, then suddenly— the ringtone of your phone went off from the bedside table where it was resting on.
he turned to it with a pissed expression, while you stared in its direction not actually seeing whatever your hazy eyes were looking at, too focused on the tip of your boyfriend’s dick hitting repeatedly your cervix and busy letting slurred moans run past your gaping mouth, tongue slightly lolling out from all the overwhelming pleasure.
the raven haired boy then had a brilliant idea that made a brief laugh come out of the back of his throat, a thrilled smirk curling up his lips as he grabbed your phone never stopping thrusting into you.
that made you snap out immediately from the limbo you were in, until now, and look at him alarmed “no–! wait! ahhn! dabi don’t–! it’s my b-oh-ss!”, shit, he was smirking full teethes now, that wasn’t a good sign, at all.
“if you answer him without moaning through out the whole call, i’ll let you orgasm.”, dabi instructed pressing his thumb onto the accepting call button, intensifying his gaze on you as he continued “on the contrary, if you let out even just a little tiny moan, i’ll edge you all night sweetie.”, he cackled at your horrified expression as his hips gave a particular sharp thrust that made you restrain a moan, scrunched up pained face as the pleasure was about to make you let out a sob “three, two, one– go.”, at that you widened your eyes, cursing through your teethes as he accepted the call giving the device to you.
“h-hello? yes– i’m free right now...”, at your answer dabi snorted, getting a glare and silent scowl from you that faded away immediately as he slowed his pace, dragging slowly his dick long your walls in smooth waves, making your brain all mushy “i put that document– in the main folder... i’m sure of it yeah...”, you kept answering panting silently while leaning closer to dabi’s face, heart-shaped eyes completely dazed as they looked back into his turquoise lusty ones, your hips moving to meet his thrust making his breath hitch inside his throat “yes– that one...”, the villain sticked out his tongue licking your upper lip squeezing one of your butt cheeks while his other hand slid to the small of your back, feverish gaze glued to yours “yes... i copied it in the usb too...”, you kept answering, but his slow thrusts were so not enough for your sexual appetite right now that in that moment you just couldn’t control your face anymore; you looked straight into dabi’s eyes pleading him with yours, eyebrows trembling from how needy you were, while biting down on your bottom lip.
then your walls clenching around him like a vice, made the boy’s last nerve snap and in a metter of second “wooah?!” “y/n? everything good there?”, dabi flipped you over, your back pressed against the mattress while your hand’s grip loosened around the phone, his index right away going on the red button “that’ll be all boss-san~”, beep, the call was done and your legs were now over his shoulders as he started to pound roughly into you groaning, your moans finally filling up the room once again, even louder than before.
his half-lidded eyes looked down your way, so beautifully spread under him as you whimper and moan his name, completely drunk on his cock.
god he adores that lovestruck look inside your eyes so fucking much.
“good girl, i’m gonna reward you all night.”
and so he did.
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hella1975 · 1 year
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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
#seriously another shout out to my mutuals#id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being#and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting#bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over#and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic#sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals#like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful#so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up#than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess#they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds#so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW#okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE#SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES#if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context#but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic#and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF#okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this#ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day
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crossbackpoke-check · 5 months
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the deweys photos are from this video: https://youtu.be/5xTwJho44ao?si=bPw8MZZ327lCogVZ aren’t they just everything
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kissing you and the minnesota wild official media team (with consent) full on the mouth, THANK YOU THIS VIDEO IS EVERYTHING 🥰🥰 i have seen pieces of it before i think (connor petting a shark 🥹) but the entire video start to finish is such a delight, 10/10 would recommend
#i’m so glad i saw this now and not when i was deranged at 2AM last night (i say as if i am not currently deranged)#like i had to physically pause. stop watching the video. to take notes to tell you guys about it i hope you know#holyjost thank u i love u i appreciate u & how u always have the sources 😭#i send out a prayer to the universe (put shit in the tags) & u provide#liv in the replies#holyjost#i love this reaction image btw it is one of my FAVORITES#anyway i was just chilling and then lost it at the ‘brandon just says shit’ part and had to start writing down notes (as follows)#there is SO much. the lore. the fact that brandon lasts two seconds before his shirt comes off everyone else is so bundled#dewey2 immediate “sharks” girl help the two of them on the bean bag together#the boat competition BOLDY’S CONTRACT??? yeah i AM thinking about that in a weird way what kind of contract brandon#also boldy motion sickness girlie he’s so real for that one 😭😭#and brandon talking a big game and then like fuckin. curled into a ball on the beanbag passed out bro i cannot.#LD BONITA? LD BONITA FISH??? So excitedly???? my GOD.#LEAVE THAT POOR FISH ALONE!!!!#oh the shark lore 🥺 dewey baby let me take you to this fantastic thing called an aquarium.#you can pet sharks there!!! i can’t even. i know i’ve seen it and had a breakdown about it before but connor’s hand when he pets the shark#the absolute joy oh my god. connor PLEASE ik u want to touch all the fish… we have sturgeon & sting rays & jellies#brandon praising connor’s attitude 🫡 he is so goal oriented they said the goal is a vibe check and connor studied.#also. save me hot brothers save me#what the fuck is this yeti cup ritual give me a cult au NOW wkdndiwkdi they’re such freaks. i love it. also just drink it bro#VLADDY MENTION THAT’S MY BOY HI BEAUTIFULLLLL#OH THIS WAS THE MIDDSY FIGHT???#awww Freddy (who i never think is a forward??)#connor dewar#brandon duhaime#minnesota wild#for reference!
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roman-roy-apologist · 6 months
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i love you animal symbolism
#like obviously i’m the dog motif guy but literally any animal symbolism is sooooo#like mq animal symbolism >>>#sharks and mice and wolves and butterflies#what that says about you — not just what you get but what you wanted to get#i’m a shark and i’m going to take you down. he smells blood in the water he’s gonna kill my pig and there’s nothing i can do#because i’m soft i’m a kid again im a mouse and im loyal and humble and a real team player! and that’s what will be my downfall#but it’s also what’s going to save me#why would a mouse choose foam over a delicious cookie? i don’t know. why would he? why would i?#i just got a little upset when you said i wasn’t a lion. you’re nothing without me#lions hunt in packs they’re sthe leaders. but i’m telling you that you dont get a pack you dont get someone to lean on and you will always#be alone.#then succession animal symbolism is like: youre a scorpion and i’m a snake and we are going to die at each others hands#it’s already written. we know the ending#im a dog and i’m mean and sharp and vicious#i’m a dog and i’m loyal and trusting#i’m a dog and i need to be kicked and i beg you to kick me because it’s all i know#you come for me with love?#lock me in a cage and feed me dog food (or chocolate cake but who knows) and i’ll never eat again#send me away until everyone knows their place#beat me with a slipper in gstaad for ordering lobster because it’s rude to order the most expensive thing on the menu when you’re not payin#because dogs don’t get a sliver platter they get a bowl of dog food in a cold wire cage#they get the scraps and they thank you for it#so you come for me with love?#you come in here guns ablazing to find they’ve turned to fucking sausages and you come for me with love?#jeez that’s a lot of tags#mythic quest#mq#succession#succession hbo
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jamboreeartsupplies · 1 month
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Acorn Anne visits some Mulberry trees that are in need of healing. please send a small offering of dry, warm air through your closest fairy ring and Acorn Anne will direct it to the leaves of both trees. thank you for your cooperation 🫡
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afewproblems · 1 year
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In My Heart is a Memory (And There You'll Always Be) Part One
So! Awhile back now I received an anonymous prompt - which I can't post all of (yet) since it will spoil this new WIP which has gotten away from me in terms of length (as always). Needless to say we begin with Steddie childhood friends AU and continue from there!
Thank you to the nonny who sent me this beautiful prompt, I can't wait to take you on this journey!
Steve never thought it would end this way. 
He tries desperately again to loosen the fishing line that has wrapped itself around his foot, trapping him in the frigid grey water. Steve paddles up again to take a deeper breath only to find that he's unable to fully breach the surface enough to breathe.
He gulps down a mixture of water and air, sputtering as it hits his lungs and chokes his throat. He realises, deliriously, that he might actually die here, alone in the woods at twelve years old. 
This is why his mother had forbidden him from swimming in the lake, especially by himself; she had told him a million times not to go down there alone. 
Steve slips under again, watching as the last few bubbles of air fly towards the surface above him, his vision begins to tunnel as he belatedly wishes he had thought to tell someone that he was going to lovers lake that afternoon. 
Two strong hands suddenly appear on both sides of him, grasping Steve by the arms, hauling him out of the water. 
"Shit, he's caught on something, Ed, hand me my knife, hurry," a gruff voice says as Steve is dragged into a boat, he sputters and coughs, gasping for air as his lungs burn and seize.
"Is he okay?" another younger voice says anxiously. 
Steve opens his eyes just enough to find a wide pair of brown eyes staring back at him, a boy with a mop of curly hair sits beside Steve, he chews his lip nervously as the older man works on cutting away the tangle of old fishing line that had caught Steve earlier.
"This is why we always take our lines with us instead of leavin' em in the lake," the older man huffs as he severs the last knot holding Steve's leg, "he should be okay, you're lucky we were here kid".
All Steve can do is nod, his chest and throat still sore from his near drowning.
The other boy, Ed, inches closer but doesn't touch him, he looks around the boat with raised hands as though looking for some way to help.
"I think we're done fishing for today," the old man huffs, if he's anxious his voice doesn't show it, but Steve can see the worry in his dark eyes. 
"Give him your coat Ed, let's bring our catch home to warm up".
The words seem to jumpstart the other boy as he hurriedly shrugs off his jean jacket and draps it clumsily over Steve's shoulders.
"You got a name kid?" the man asks gently before his expression finally shifts to one of panic, "aw hell, we gotta warm you up, you ain't even shivering". 
"His lips are blue," Ed blurts out, his brow pinched with worry, "Wayne--"
"I see it, sit with him would ya, I'll get the engine going again," Wayne grunts out as he switches places with Eddie. The boat tips slightly as they move making Steve hiss as cold water tips over the side and onto his legs. 
"My name's Eddie," the teen yells over the roar of the engine motor as it jumps to life; he sits down on the bench across from him, "what's your name?"
"S-Steve," he manages to get out between chattering teeth, his body finally beginning to shake in an attempt to warm itself back up.
"Don't worry," Eddie murmurs sagely, "we'll take care of you, right Uncle Wayne?"
Wayne nods with a tight smile as he begins to steer the boat back to shore.
"I don't need the hospital," Steve grumbles from the back seat of the pickup truck, eliciting an exaggerated eye roll from Wayne in the rearview mirror.
Heat blasts from the vents as soon as they pull away from the dirt side road by the docks and Steve is finally starting to warm up. Wayne had helped him step his shaking limbs into his discarded clothing they found on docks, but his damp swim shorts had soaked through his jeans, leaving a small persistent shiver running through him.
"We ain't leaving it to chance kid," Wayne grouses at him, "you inhaled a lot of lake water back there and I've spent enough time in a boat to know you need to be checked out by a professional".
Steve pouts in the back seat next to Eddie who looks between Steve and his uncle with a sharp furrow between his brow.
"Couldn't we take him to our place Wayne, we can look after him there," Eddie says with a toothy grin, he winks at Steve before catching Wayne's unimpressed glare in the rearview mirror.
"No, hospital first," he grumbles but the words are without heat and if the fond smile is anything to go by, Wayne seems more exasperated than angry.
Which is good. 
Steve can't begin to picture how angry his own dad will be when he gets home. 
Maybe enough for the belt again.
He shivers again and feels a bony shoulder connect lightly with his own; Steve looks up to find Eddie staring again, this time with a shy smile.
"You good," Eddie asks, a hint of nervousness in his voice, "sorry 'bout him".
He holds up one hand to block Wayne's vision of Eddie's face and points towards his uncle into the palm of his hand, "the old man’s stubborn sometimes".
The absurdity startles a wild giggle out of Steve that Eddie soon matches.
Wayne keeps driving, his eyes travelling between the road and the rearview mirror at the two boys giggling in the backseat. Wayne shakes his head and smiles slightly as they pull onto Main Street.
"Are you at Hawkins Middle? I don't know if I've seen you there before," Eddie asks abruptly, interrupting the laughter.
"I'm going to the highschool next year which is kind of cool," Eddie continues, not waiting for Steve to answer which is almost a relief given the strange exhaustion settling in Steve’s bones the longer they sit there. 
"I heard from one of the other older kids at the tra--the park that there are a ton of clubs to join and even one for Dungeons and Dragons --you heard of it?"
Steve shakes his head, "is that like a board game or something?" 
Eddie barks out a laugh and launches into an explanation, the words tumbling out at a mile a minute to the point that Steve isn't sure what he's even talking about anymore.
"And you use your character traits to help decide what to do, then the roll you get from your dice determines if you are successful or not!" 
Steve frowns slightly, it doesn't sound like any board games he's ever heard of but it has dice, what else could it be? 
"It's hard to explain without like showing you the books," Eddie admits, picking at a stray thread from the hole in his jeans, "I'll show you later at school, maybe?" 
Steve can count on one hand the number of times he's actually been invited to hang out or play with another kid over the years that wasn't orchestrated by his mother.
He's not much for board games, but if that's what Eddie's inviting him to play, who is Steve to say no? 
"Do you get to fight Dragons? Like a knight?" Steve asks quietly, his throat still sore from earlier. He laughs when Eddie nods so excitedly his whole body practically vibrates before jumping into a new explanation of the different characters people could play.
Steve spends the whole time listening with a wide grin on his face. He doesn't think he's ever met someone who talks so much, but Eddie has so much to say and he wants to tell Steve of all people. 
He's too tired to add anything himself, the adrenalin from earlier seems to flow out of him, sinking into the back seat.
"Do you have Newson for English?" Eddie asks as they enter the hospital and Wayne takes them to the counter, he speaks with the nurse at the Emergency Room intake desk in a hushed voice, letting Steve and Eddie continue their conversation.
Steve shakes his head, feeling suddenly warm, much too warm and tired.
"Maybe we have the same lunch period, I want to show you the players handbook on Monday," Eddie practically vibrates beside him with excitement, "you can sit at my table and…Steve?" 
Eddie suddenly sounds so far away, Steve struggles to stay upright and sways heavily into the other boy's side. 
"Steve?!"
There's a commotion around him, people yelling and touching him suddenly, but he doesn't want that. He's so warm, it's hard to think, his vision begins to tunnel again.
The last thing he sees as a pair of gentle hands lay him down is Eddie worried brown eyes staring into his own as his world goes dark.
***
The first thing Steve realises when he wakes up, is that he's in a hospital bed.
The second is that he's alone.
The steady beat of the heart rate monitor almost lulls him back to sleep but he fights to stay awake. 
Steve peers around the room, spotting his mothers coat and purse on the chair in the corner. 
Shit. 
This is what he was hoping to avoid, his parents finding out he deliberately disobeyed their rules and landed himself in the hospital. 
Steve tries to sit up but the movement pulls at the strange tubing around his face and the IV in his arm. He hisses at the tug of the needle and flops back down against the flat pillow behind his head.
The heart rate monitor ticks up slightly at the movement, seemingly calling out to the nurses at the station outside.
As if on cue, a nurse steps into the room, followed by his mother. 
Diane Harrington always looked put together. Pearls, heels, never a hair out of place.
Today however, Diane's pale wane face stares at Steve in stony silence. No makeup, her hair sits flat against her head. A fine tremor runs over her clenched hands but she smooths down the front of her shirt to hide it.
"Looks like someone's awake," the nurse says with a kind smile. 
She picks up the chart at the edge of the bed as his mother walks around to the chair that has been pulled up closest to Steve's side. She doesn't sit.
The nurse is around his mom’s age, maybe a little older if the laugh lines around her mouth are any indication. Her blond hair is streaked with grey as well and pinned back to let the small white hat sit properly on top. Her light brown eyes trace over the page of his chart and a slight crease begins to form between them as she frowns slightly.
"What is it?" Diane says, the words come out smoothly; Steve tries to make eye contact with her, to see just how mad she is about this, how mad his dad will be when they get home, but she ignores his gaze.
"The doctor will be in shortly, he'll explain," she says apologetically before placing the chart back down at the edge of the bed.
"Steven," the nurse says softly as she walks towards him, on the side opposite his mother, "my name is Claudia, and myself and Doctor Sattler will be taking care of you today".
Steve nods, suddenly shy as Claudia reaches into the pocket of her white apron and shows Steve a long black tube with a shiny metal circle at one end, the other is split down the middle into two angled sections at the other end.
"Steven, this is a Stethoscope, I'm going to use it to listen to your heart and your lungs, so I'm going to need you to sit up, can you do that for me?" 
He nods and begins to shift, slowly this time to avoid jostling the IV this time. 
"Steven," Diane says sharply from her place beside the bed, she still isn't looking at him, "you need to answer when you're asked a question."
"Sorry," he mumbles, abashed at his mother's words.
Claudia's frown returns as her eyes dart between Steve and Diane, but she remains silent and simply places the stethoscope into her ears.
"This will be a little cold," Claudia warns as she lifts up his shirt to place the metal against his back, "okay, you're going to give me a big deep breath," she instructs softly, giving him a smile.
Steve breathes in, it's not painful, but there's an awful pressure in his chest that makes him wince, the strange whistling sound his breath makes also doesn't help.  
Claudia must notice because she tuts and tells him she just needs a few more breaths from him.
She moves the metal from his back to his chest and asks him to take two more deep breaths for her, on the last one his chest spasms and his throat constricts just enough to make him begin to cough horribly. 
Steve doubles over, uncaring this time of the pull on the IV, he can't seem to catch his breath this time.
Steve registers his mother and Claudia trying to speak to him and a gentle hand on his back rubbing in a soothing circle but all Steve can think is, I can't breathe, as he coughs up a glob of frothy pink liquid into the sheets covering his legs.
The steady beep of the heart rate monitor begins to increase to a constant frantic pulse, I can’t breathe, he wants to scream but his throat constricts around the words, it feels as though an elephant has sat itself in the middle of his chest as he registers something being pressed to his mouth and nose.
"Try to take a deep breath, one mississippi, two mississippi, that's it sweetheart," Claudia pats his back gently and keeps a steady hold of the mask over his face.
The pressure in his chest slowly begins to relent as he follows Claudia’s direction, one mississippi, two mississippi, in and out. The constant puff of air around his nose and mouth seems to finally be helping.
"You're going to give us even more grey hair before we discharge you huh kiddo," a new voice rumbles from the door.
Steve looks up wearily at a man in a white coat with horn rimmed glasses staring down at him. There is a kind smile on his face, much like the one Wayne had when he helped Steve exit their truck earlier that day. 
Was it still Saturday? Steve looks around again for the window, he could have sworn it was still light out.
"What are you giving him?" Diane whispers above Steve, she hazards a brief glance at him before looking back at the doctor who lifts a syringe to pump something into the IV tubing, but Steve isn’t paying attention, he’s trying to find the clock he had seen earlier on the far wall.
"Just something to help him breathe a little easier, that's all," the man says gently as he takes Steve's chart from the end of the bed where Claudia had left it.
"BP is a little low," Claudia murmurs, she lets go of the mask and lays Steve back down onto the bed, smoothing his hair back lightly as she leaves his bedside.
"Steven, my name is Dr. Sattler, I heard you had an interesting morning today?" 
Dr. Sattler gives Steve and his mother a warm smile as he places the chart back down on the bed, he eyes the machines at the bedside for a moment before taking Steve’s wrist gently in his hand and lifting the face of his watch up to meet his eyes.
He nods and lays Steve’s hand back down onto the bed, above the covers. 
Suddenly a bright light is shining into Steve's eyes, he winces slightly as it moves quickly, “Steven, can you tell me if you hit your head at all when you were in the lake today?” 
Steve tries to think back to the lake. He remembers getting his foot caught in the discarded fishing line, the feeling of water running down the back of his throat, filling his nose; the way the light began to fade as he sank down--
“Steven?” Dr. Sattler prompts again, his brow creases in the barest of frowns.
Steve swallows once and shakes his head as a shrill beeping noise fills the room, everyone flinches, whirling around to the machines before Steve's mother snatches her purse from the nearby chair and rips the buzzing pager out to turn it off.
She glares at the message, "I need to make a call, I'll be back". 
Dr. Sattler frowns but steps aside to allow Diane to sweep out of the room.
"Well Steven-"
"Can you call me Steve?" He asks, the words so quiet that Dr. Sattler and Claudia both tilt towards him to hear.
The doctor reaches for the chart again, his eyes flick to Claudia once before landing back on Steve with a small patient smile.
"Of course, Steve," he says deliberately before clearing his throat, "I'll wait for your mother to come back to go over our plan for you okay?" 
"Are you," he whispers, "am I going to need a shot?" Claudia tuts this time, coming around to the side of the bed to brush his hair away from his forehead, "you were so brave for your IV," she says brightly, "if you need another I'll hold your hand, how does that sound?" Steve blushes as his little face scrunches into a grimace. He knows he wasn't awake when they gave him the IV.
After a beat, he shakes his head, "It's okay, I'm not a baby". Claudia purses her lips and pats his hand gently, "I don't like needles either, sometimes I need someone to hold my hand, no shame in it, okay?"
Steve chews on that thought for a moment, rolling it around in his head, why would adults be scared of anything?
His dad had made it perfectly clear over the years what real men were like, and being afraid of things never once made the list.
Steve looks up at the nurse and meets her kind eyes, a softer brown than he'd ever seen before with fine lines in the corners creased into a smile.
"I'd hold your hand, Miss Claudia," Steve agrees eventually.
She smiles at him and pats his hand again before stepping away.
"I'll go find your mother, there's only one payphone on this floor so she can't be far," she asserts to Steve before making her way to the door. She whispers something to Dr. Sattler on her way out before disappearing through the door.
"While nurse Henderson tracks down your mother, I'll see if radiology has your scans ready, sit tight kiddo”.
Steve nods as the doctor tries for a small reassuring smile but the effect is lost in the tightness around his eyes. Dr. Sattler pushes open the door which swings back and forth as he disappears into the hallway, leaving Steve to lay back against the flat pillows and scratchy hospital sheets, with only the steady sound of the monitors and the clock on the wall to keep him company.  
A new wave of exhaustion sweeps over him suddenly, now that he’s alone. 
He wishes Eddie had managed to convince his uncle to let them just go back to their place, he would have been okay if they had just stayed in the truck - he probably wouldn’t have passed out if they had just gone to Eddie’s house.
Steve glares at the ceiling at the unfairness of it all, a small part of him knows that it’s for the best that Dr. Sattler and Miss Claudia are looking after him now, but what will his dad say about the hospital bills, or the bed rest?
He’s not sure how much time has passed. It’s been harder to keep track of here without a proper clock in the room but the sun has moved, carving long shadows in his room in between the copper evening light. He must have drifted off at some point since his mother has suddenly returned as well as Dr, Sattler. 
Miss Claudia is nowhere to be found and Steve finds himself feeling rather bereft at her absence. 
Diane Harrington stands beside his bed, her hands wrapped so tightly around the strap of her purse that her manicured nails dig into the palms of her hands and her knuckles have been stained white.  
Dr. Sattler stands in front of a large box affixed to the wall, it’s lit up with two translucent black and white images on it that the doctor keeps pointing to different areas of the strange lumpy white images while he talks.
“To put it simply, Mrs. Harrington, it’s not good”.
Oh.
Steve feels as though the bed beneath him has dropped away while Doctor Sattler continues speaking. 
Steve had aspirated a lot of water into his lungs while in the lake and was already in the beginning stages of pneumonia because of it. So Steve would need to stay on his course of antibiotics and oxygen for at least a week to let his lungs heal and rest as much as possible. 
Diane’s expression does not shift during the conversation, remaining artfully neutral the entire visit. She nods and asks questions about Steve’s medication and when he would be allowed to come home.
A flicker of something crosses her face when Dr. Sattler mentions the inhaler Steve would likely need to carry with him at all times.
“For how long?” she asks sharply as Dr. Sattler flips through Steve’s chart once more.
He hums and purses his lips, “honestly, it depends, he could need it for a few months, he could need it for the rest of his life,” he shakes his head and sets down the chart, “we need to see how his lungs look after the inflammation goes down to really be sure”.
“What does that mean?” Steve blurts out, drawing their gaze towards him. 
Steve bristles slightly as Diane shoots him the barest of glares. He’s the one in the hospital bed, he can’t even ask questions about what will happen to him?
“The tissue in the lungs is very sensitive and delicate,” Dr. Sattler continues, his words come out slowly as though he is carefully sifting through to choose the best ones, “so, what that means is you may need medication to help your lungs function properly”.
“Steven’s father was hoping for him to join the varsity swim team in the next few years,” Diane says wearily, the first hint of emotion finally seeping into her voice as she sinks into the chair holding her purse. 
Steve winces. 
It’s no secret that his father’s goal for Steve, his…expectation, is for his son to follow his example to the letter. 
Varsity swimming --perhaps even basketball if he takes after his father’s lithe frame of six foot two. Get into college on an athletics scholarship, graduate with a business degree to eventually take over the family business --not that Richard has ever once explained just exactly what he does for a living. 
Steve would then marry a nice girl, one he'll meet at college since Hawkins won't have any girls good enough for the Harringtons, and eventually pump out two grandkids for Diane to fawn over.
This was the plan for Steve’s life, there was no room for error.
“Mrs. Harrington, there’s no reason to think he won’t be able to do these things--”
But the words fall flat as Steve’s mother gets up from her chair and stalks out of the room, leaving a wake of disappointment and silence behind her. 
A lump begins to form in Steve’s throat and he tries to blink away the harsh sting in his eyes. He knew he shouldn’t have gone to the lake that morning, he’d been told so many times never to go by himself, not when the Harringtons had their own beautiful inground pool installed just three summers ago. 
Dr. Sattler breathes out a long weighty sigh and lifts a hand to scratch at a missed patch of stubble on his chin.
He looks between the closed door and back at Steve, seeming to make a decision.
"Okay son," Doctor Sattler sighs, "you're going to hear things over the years about what you will or won't be able to do".
Steve lifts his hand up to wipe at his eyes as discreetly as he can with the doctor at the edge of his bed and nods.
"This does not need to define you, there are plenty of athletes out there with lung conditions and I would encourage you to keep active, it might actually benefit you to do so". 
Steve manages to hold back a scoff just barely and nods, dropping his gaze to his feet beneath the blankets.
"I'm not saying you need to go out and run a marathon," Doctor Sattler says dryly at the incredulous expression on his face.
"But you will need to keep them strong and exercise will help with that, so if you like swimming, keep swimming, okay kid?"
He pauses again and adds, "no smoking while you're at it". 
Steve's mouth drops open in protest, he's never smoked, well, not a full cigarette at least.
One of the neighbour kids, Tommy, had smuggled cigarettes out of his dad’s pants pocket and taken them to school for everyone to try. Steve had nearly thrown up at the taste and the feel of acrid smoke filling his nose and mouth.Tommy had laughed so hard about Steve spitting into the grass outside the baseball dugout and proceeded to tell everyone he could find. 
Steve still associated the taste of cigarettes with Tommy's laugh, the sound turning his stomach just as easily now.
Steve shakes his head under the doctor's unimpressed gaze, "I-I dont--"
Doctor Sattler raises his eyebrow and cuts Steve off with a sweep of his hand, "sure son, just make sure you don't continue, especially because your lungs are still growing and we want to capitalize on that as much as possible".
The doctor pats Steve's shoulder awkwardly, letting his heavy hand rest briefly before he turns away towards the door once more. 
"Anyway, I have a feeling you'll be getting a few more lectures in the future so that's enough out of me, you best settle in kiddo, you'll be here for at least a week".
Steve nods tiredly, he can hear his dad's voice in his head now, 'this is the stupidest thing you've ever done Steven--'
"Get some rest, no sense worrying about it now," Doctor Sattler says as he slips out into the hallway without a knowing furrowed brow.
And with that Steve is alone once more. 
The light outside his window is beginning to fade into the horizon; he wonders belatedly if Eddie will look for him on Monday.
Steve rolls over, ignoring the new sting behind his eyes and the heaviness in his lungs as he wonders how he can miss someone he just met this much.
Part Two Now Up!
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amarimeta · 3 months
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Maybe a weird question but I can't stop thinking about it after Certified, what do you think Nora and Laurie's relationship was like in the three years between s2 and s3? I lean towards thinking they were mostly awkward and at the periphery of each other's lives, but there's also an immediate intimacy between them in Certified that's incredibly compelling (it makes me incredibly happy that they were in contact all those years)
okay i want to apologize for two things.
this is sooo incredibly late i’m sorry. i was resisting the urge to rewatch every single scene of both of them (which would have led to a full rewatch)
this is barely even talking about your actual question. this is just an excuse for me to yap about laurie and nora.
HERE’S THE THING. i think nora and laurie’s relationship can be categorized into three distinct phases / eras. I ALSO WANT TO SAY. THAT IF AT ANY POINT IT SOUNDS LIKE IM HATING ON EITHER LAURIE OR NORA. I’M NOT.
phase 1 (preshow - s1)
i don’t know about the rest of you but i imagine that laurie and nora hated each other before they knew each other. it wasn’t anything personal. who gives a fuck about kevin? to me its because of the differences in how publicized their losses and grieving processes were, if that makes any sense. nora’s loss is widely known, she’s nora cursed™ and she lost her entire family. but nora’s reaction to this loss, at least publicly, is largely tame. people in mapleton, generally speaking, think she’s normal. jill only becomes disillusioned because she watched nora deliberately knock over a mug and also saw the gun in her purse, but everyone else thinks nora is fine. they think she’s sad sure, but she doesn’t act out. the one moment i can think of where she acts out in mapleton is when she sprays the GR with her hose to get them to leave, which while rude… other people throw rocks at the GR. so i don’t think anyone is judging that too harshly. on the other hand. laurie’s loss is a secret she carries alone. as far as everyone else is concerned, laurie didn’t lose anyone in the departure. and yet laurie is the one who publicly abandons her family and joins a cult. i think nora had to despise laurie for this. in nora’s eyes, being a wife and mother were precious things stolen from her, and laurie chose to deliberately toss them aside, seemingly for no reason. from laurie’s perspective, nora is much more successful when it comes to dealing with her losses. idk if this is something others would agree with, but i personally think that laurie believes that had she experienced nora’s loss, she would have killed herself. NOT HATING.
ANYWAYS so that’s them before you even bring the kevin of it all into the equation. which brings us into phase 2 (s2 finale - time skip / pre australia s3) (you know. that part this question was actually asking about)
i think this is a difficult situation because its the first time both of them see the other as an actual person, and not a character they’ve made up in their heads. to nora, laurie is no longer “my boyfriend’s ex wife who abandoned her family”, she’s my boyfriend’s ex wife who lives next door to us and is married to our neighbor (who tried to kill my boyfriend that one time. but that’s neither here nor there). to laurie, while i think she still doesn’t know the extent of nora’s grief, i imagine she was able to see through the cracks a bit more. clearly this is not a woman perfectly content in her life having lost her entire family.
i think very little of it has to do with kevin himself. i’m more interested in the jill of it all. for all intents and purposes, nora is jill’s favorite. now there’s multiple reasons to this. number one, nora is not jill’s parent. nora’s relationship with jill from season 2 on is easy because nora treats jill like an adult and generally speaking does very little to "parent" her. number two, nora has not traumatized jill to the extent that both laurie and kevin have. again NOT HATING. we simply must acknowledge that jill’s parents bring a ton of baggage. so yea maybe she thinks hanging out and speaking to nora is the easiest option. i don’t think nora ever considered herself jill’s mom nor do i think she intended to replace laurie, and i don’t think jill thought either of those things. HOWEVER. from laurie’s perspective, i think it’s reasonable to assume she felt insecure about jill and nora’s relationship and dynamic. i think about that scene in 3.01 where jill says she doesn’t want to stay the night because if she stays with nora and kevin it will just hurt laurie’s feelings, but if she stays with laurie and john laurie will keep her up all night apologizing. jill and laurie’s relationship will never have the easiness that nora and jill have, and i don’t think thats unfair. the tommy of it all is less of a factor. tommy obviously never bonded with nora to the extent jill did, his relationship with laurie is (with a valid few exceptions) significantly less strained than jill’s. (there’s also the fact that tommy has to (evidently) keep speaking to nora about leaving christine and lily alone). if we DO want to talk about the kevin of it all i think 3.04 is an important piece of the conversation. kevin reaching out to laurie, laurie telling kevin to speak to nora about what he is experiencing, nora getting upset with kevin for it. “you won’t tell me but you’ll tell laurie?” (for the record. again NOT HATING. but kevin kinda ate her ass up like no sweetie he can’t tell you everything. you DID leave him handcuffed to the bed. yes you left a note with the key location but you did still LEAVE. we love you <33).
SO. do i think their relationship in the time skip was strained? yes. i agree that they very much existed in the peripheries of each other’s lives. to the extent that two women who share a family and a lawn can exist in each other’s periphery. i don’t imagine they were ever snide or rude to each other, but i think they both had egregious amounts of baggage associated with the other that they were still unable to let go.
SO WHAT THE HELL GOES ON IN CERTIFIED AND BEYOND??? phase 3 (australia 😁)
there’s multiple parts to this. obviously. lets go that scene in the car in 3.06. laurie choosing to help nora has less to do with nora and more to do with avoiding kevin and all the shit happening there (in my opinion). nora needs to stalk these two lesbian doctors who want to blast her with radiation into space? that falls under laurie’s skillset! AND laurie just found out matthew is dying of cancer again so we might as well throw nora a bone y'know? but anyways. obviously the more involved they get and the more dedicated nora is to crossing over, the more laurie realizes that nora’s facade was just that. nora is not the perfect widow grieving in a healthy and unobtrusive way. she is feeling the same pain laurie feels, and they’ve both been feeling it for the last seven years. nora feels untethered to the point that she would rather get blasted into space for the chance to see her family again than stay here. and then they’re in the car. and now we’re talking about a suicide machine. and then we get the following beautiful exchange:
nora: if i wanted to kill myself i’d go scuba diving :) it’s the perfect method :) especially when you’re scuba diving certified :) laurie: i’m scuba diving certified… nora: i know <33
(side note. do we think nora has every single person’s individualized perfect suicide method categorized in her brain. i love this idea. she is so kind <3)
and you know what i’m gonna sound crazy but i think in this moment laurie and nora make a suicide pact of sorts. they both realize that the other is carrying this pain. and they’re tired. so nora is going to enter the radiation blast suicide machine and laurie is going to go scuba diving and the world will be more elegant. that scene by the beach is crazy to me. when nora asks what laurie plans to tell the others and laurie takes the ciggies to become nora’s therapist and gain client patient confidentiality. that’s part of the suicide pact. when nora jokes “same time next week?” that’s the suicide pact.
and then laurie gets that phone call. and she realizes that she is not as untethered as she thought. the pain she feels and has felt is real, but it doesn’t discount everything else she has. (i also think her telling kevin about it was an important step. she’s been grieving silently for the last seven years, unable to properly heal). and then one day she gets a call from nora. who is back. the suicide pact was effectively voided, but i don’t think either of them mind. nora feels safe talking to laurie once she’s returned, because she knows laurie wont betray her trust. i think there’s a sense of safety they find in each other because of how much they recognize the other.
TLDR: i completely agree with you. there was definitely a lot of awkwardness in the time skip period. weird barbecues you have to spend with someone you don’t really like or know, but they’ve somehow become part of your family. and then in terms of certified and the book of nora, i think the intimacy seen between them is a culmination of their respective arcs and existences as foils to one another.
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sainz100 · 9 days
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idk how to explain it, but I feel this small bubble of hope. as if some good news is right around the corner 🫧🌅 not yet, but maybe soon, I'll always feel that hope that the next chapter will be better than the last
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the-eclectic-wonderer · 3 months
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I always think about how in multiple episodes it's basically canon that Blanche is bi but considers dating women to be more hassle (which is a whole rabbit hole to go down - does she struggle with societal homophobia when she's with women? Has she only been with fellow high maintenance femmes when shes really after a Dorothy type? Has she internalized the idea that her attraction to women isn't 'real'? Her reaction to Clayton adds to these questions). Not to mention how this goes together with her relationships with the girls; making to kiss Rose that one time (and Rose multiple times seeming very aware of Blanche's proclivities), begging Dorothy for 'relief' and being convinced she's attracted to women too.
Yes, anon! It’s really interesting to delve into Blanche’s psyche about all this stuff!
I started writing down my thoughts and ended up with a long ramble -- allow me to place it all under a cut, so I don't clog up anyone's dash, haha.
Personally, I think she has some strong mental blocks when it comes to her sexuality because of the way she was brought up. I mean, she grew up in Atlanta approx in the 1930s/1940s — I’m sure I don’t have to detail the kind of casual bigotry she must have seen around her during her formative years! Just look at the story she recounts in S1E13 A Little Romance:
“Now, you have to understand that in those days in the South a lot of things were still taboo. Certain people were not to mix. So Benjamin and I had to meet in secret. Oh, we knew if any of the bigots in town found out about us, there’d be a terrible scandal.”
And all of this because Benjamin was a yankee… can you imagine what ‘the bigots in town’ thought about homosexuality? Yeah, I’m pretty sure Blanche learned to suppress that part of herself very early on. We know she turns to denial when she’s faced with uncomfortable truths and emotions she can’t deal with, so I think she likely just refuses to acknowledge that part of herself most of the time, and it only comes out (pun intended!) when she’s not paying much attention to things, or when there’s something more important going on. See the two examples you point out: when she tries to kiss Rose she’s concerned with not being kissed at midnight, and when she propositions Dorothy she’s, well… she’s desperate to get some, if we can be frank.
When she’s in a more rational state, her reactions tend to be more measured… but not by much. She does advise Rose not to date women (S3E10 The Audit):
“Oh, no, honey, don’t do that! No job is worth having to date women!”
But she’s also really flattered at receiving lots and lots of phone calls from women, after her appearance as a ‘lesbian’ on TV (S7E15 Goodbye, Mr Gordon):
“By the way, Dorothy, if I were a lesbian, I sure would be a popular one. Look at this, 20 calls.”
And of course we can’t forget her reaction to finding out that Jean has a crush on Rose in S2E5 Isn’t It Romantic?:
“Jean has the hots for Rose? I don’t believe it, I do not believe it! […] To think Jean would prefer Rose over me? That’s ridiculous! […] Now you tell me the truth: if you had to pick between Rose and me, who would you pick? Who?”
All of these are (likely) intended to be jokes about her vanity and her libertine nature (in the same way as Rose’s observations are), but considering a lot of the writers of this show were queer themselves, it wouldn’t seem strange to me if they were intentionally peppered in to suggest that Blanche might be a bisexual in denial. It certainly fits her character!
I haven’t spoken about her reaction to Clayton’s coming out yet, but that’s immensely interesting too, of course. I think Blanche has the same attitude towards homosexuality that I see in a lot of (mostly older) people in my Country nowadays: it’s fine as a general concept, but when it comes to her family (or, God forbid, herself) then the problems come out. See for example what she says about Jean:
“Well, I’ll never understand what Jean doesn’t see in the opposite sex, but if that makes her happy, that’s fine by me!”
Which isn’t a homophobic attitude at all! If anything, if you take her upbringing into account, it’s pretty accepting. But then, when Clayton comes out to her (S4E9 Scared Straight) and tells her he wants to get married (S6E14 Sister Of The Bride), this is what she says:
“Oh, Clayton, please be serious. You're just saying that so I won't set you up with any more women. […] Well, then you're saying it 'cause you're trying to get back at me for something. Clay, I know you too well for this. After all, I know it can't be true. You're my brother. […] Clayton Hollingsworth. You look me in the face and tell me you really are… what you just said you are.”
“I'm having a little trouble putting this all together. Clayton, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.”
“[…] Dorothy, that's different. We're talking about going out in public. Oh, what are people gonna say?”
“Will you tell me why you want to put yourself and Doug through this? You know how people can be.”
“Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?”
Quite the difference from her attitude towards Jean, wouldn’t you say? I think there’s three elements at play here.
1) When Clayton comes out to Blanche, she feels disoriented because this is life-changing information Clayton has never shared with her before. While her reaction as a whole isn’t ideal, personally I think it’s understandable. Clayton is her baby brother; she’s known him as straight all his life, he’s been married to a woman for years before his divorce, and she recounts an episode from their adolescence when he was on a date with a woman and very clearly implicated having a physical encounter with her. He's done everything in his power to pass as straight until this point in time -- I don't find it strange that Blanche would be shocked at his coming out, especially given her upbringing (and the fact that this is set in the 80s! We can't expect modern sensibilities from the characters!). Once again, her reaction isn't the best (she can't even bring herself to say the word 'gay' at first...), but the shock per se isn't that surprising, imho.
2) Blanche is scared because of societal implications above all. She doesn't necessarily see being queer as something wrong, but she's been taught it's not socially acceptable and acts accordingly. Notice how she's worried about what people are going to say, and she struggles to accept that Clayton wants the whole world to know about his relationship with Doug.
Societal expectations in general are a big theme for Blanche's character, and often drive her development; another big example of this is her attitude towards Rebecca's decision to get artificially inseminated, but it's a bit of a baseline issue for her, I feel. She has this whole thing about her beauty and her (supposed) youth and her attractiveness that has some inherent elements, but it's mostly an issue of how other people perceive her, I think, and her response to her brother's coming out is easy to relate to this theme. I mean, she even says it to Rose in S7E15:
"Well, I don't mind being labeled a lesbian, honey, but since I'm not, you just ruined my social life."
So yeah. I think it's safe to say her main concern is societal disapproval of queerness: she wants to be accepted and celebrated by the people around her, and she thinks that being openly queer will destroy her place in her social circle (and she's worried about the same happening to Clayton too, of course).
3) This is sort of related to point 2, but it felt distinct enough to treat it separately. I think she might have reacted so badly to Clayton's coming out (and especially to his showing up with a partner) because he's open about his sexuality, and she's not ready to face what that means for her. My lovely mutual @\hecatesbroom recently published her latest amazing work the odd one(s) out, on the relationship between Dorothy and her brother Phil and how Phil's open queerness might have impacted Dorothy; I think a similar situation might have occurred between Blanche and Clayton after his coming out.
Blanche has a sort of advantage on Dorothy because of her bisexuality, in the sense that she has 'passing privilege' (I really dislike this concept, but allow me to use it to make a point): it's painfully clear that she loved her late husband with all her heart, and she's obviously attracted to men as well, so she can pretend not to like women without too much of a hassle (whereas, if you believe Dorothy to be a repressed lesbian, her situation is much more complicated).
The issue with this is that this 'advantage' is a double-edged sword: she might have the comfort of being socially acceptable, but she's had to suffocate a big part of herself to obtain that comfort. And so, what happens when Clayton -- her baby brother Clayton, the one who's always been just like her, who's grown up with her same environment and influences -- begins openly living as a gay man? I'm sure the situation must have had a strong impact on her, even if just on a subconscious level; I've always found it curious that she seems to have a harder time accepting Clayton in S6E14 than she does in S4E9 (she even calls his sexuality a phase), and while a part of it may be attributed to the higher social exposure Clayton's commitment to Doug brings, I think this may be a result of her inner conflict, provoked by watching her brother live openly while she's been suppressing a part of herself all her life.
Here I'm assuming she's never acted upon her attraction to women before, but there's some space to believe she has done so and has decided it's too much of a hassle, as you say -- likely because she'd for sure do it in secret, given her fear of societal condemnation. If she has been with women before, and decided to give up on it, I still think she'd be greatly impacted by Clayton's coming out: it means her baby brother is a) braver than she is, and b) going to openly face (and likely suffer because of) the same social issues she's run away from. In this lens, I find it interesting that she cautions him about how people can be, almost as if they've both experienced it.
Whew. Wow, this was a lot more than I'd originally meant to write, haha! Seems you sparked a big train of thought, anon! I think all of the Girls (with the possible exception of Sophia) are really fascinating to analyze with a queer lens, and Blanche is always interesting to me, of course. As a final note, I'd like to point out that she does come around to Clayton's sexuality and his relationship, in the end: as often happens, she just needs the Girls' help to put things back in perspective, understand she's hurting someone she loves, and correct her actions. I'd like to think living with the Girls might lead to her becoming more accepting of herself, too.
#this was so much fun!! you helped me pass the time on about two and a half hours of train rides anon :)#this is... Long lmao. but are we surprised? i always end up talking at length#and this subject is Very interesting to me for obvious reasons so...#there's a lot more that could be said i think. all her homoerotic moments with the girls?#dancing with rose? playing pretend with dorothy?#and all the times sophia jokes about them? 'you couldn't stay in the closet for one more day'?#all fascinating stuff no matter how you look at it#i really think her homophobia stems from societal expectations honestly. she *never* expresses the opinion that being gay is wrong per se#she doesn't think it's unnatural or against god or anything like that. the worst thing she says is that 'phase' comment imho#she thinks it's *socially unacceptable*. which is a whole different thing#and considering blanche's whole thing with being accepted by society i feel like a queer in denial storyline really fits her character#like. think of even just this:#blanche devereaux. known for being libertine and unashamed of her sexuality (to the point of being labelled 'a slut').#often described as 'selfish' and 'self-centered'. focused on satisfying her desires and wishes at all times#this woman? having to deny a part of said desires for her entire life? the contrast is DELICIOUS to me#this big fear of societal disapproval was the angle i went with for my blanche/rose fic! it was set at the end of s2#so this was really all i could explore. but it would have been fun to throw clayton into the mix#i really think seeing him be so open about himself had a profound effect on her#oh look at me rambling in the tags too haha. excellent observations anon! thank you for sending this ask!#if you have any more thoughts i'd love to read them!!#oh and also -- when does blanche say she thinks dorothy's attracted to women?#i don't remember it and i'm *very* curious about it#the golden girls#blanche devereaux#golden wives#ask
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nomairuins · 1 month
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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teddybeartoji · 4 months
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hi hi I dont interact much bc im shy :) but I just read your “how would you kill me” post and I can’t contain the thoughts of how kind of romantic would it be to kiss someone with their severe allergy in your mouth ….
especially if it’s a fruit like omg imagine strawberries or apples. i’d do a little outfit and make up theme to the fruit. a pink dress, fruity lipgloss, and a bunch of blush. look like a dream and then kiss them with a strawberry. maybe we would pass it back and forth. and id kiss the skin where the hives start appearing. maybe they get to cum one last time as their throat closes.
i don’t know why that though hijacked my brain but um well yeah 💖 take their breath away 💗
NOW. NOW. NOWWW. THIS. EROTISICM SCORE 1000000. WHAT THE FUCK (AFFECTIONATE). I HAVE NEVER EVER. HEARD ANYTHING LIKE THAT. WHAAAAT THE FUUUCKKKK<3333333 YOU'RE SO RIGHT IT'S SO ROMANTIC??? I'M OBSESSED???????? THE STRAWBERRIES?????????????????? THE OUTFITS THE THEMED LITTLE SETUP??????????????????????? OHH MY GOD I WANT YOU SO FUCKING BAD IT'S INSANE YOU'RE INSANE I LOVE YOU NONNIE KISSING THE HIVES AS THEY APPEARR???????????????????????????????????????? HHHHHHHHHH TAKING THEIR BREATH AWAY PLEAAAASEEEE THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I'VE HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFEEEE WHAT DO YOU MEAANNN I NEED TO PICK YOUR BRAIN I NEED TO TAKE YOU APART A LITTLE I JUST NEED TO LOOK INSIDE I WANNA KISS YOUUUUU THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS TO ME. TRULY. LIFE CHANGING ACTUALLY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
how would you kill me
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secretly-larry-daley · 11 months
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i'm not even really part of these fandoms but you've inspired me somehow
Mike asks Larry for advice one day about dealing with sentient attractions, and Larry explains the checklist and getting along with the exhibits and making sure their needs are met, and Mike just stares at him. Like, "What do you mean they stopped trying to kill you?"
"What do you mean?"
And Mike explains more about what goes on and one night when Larry has the night off he goes with Mike to work and helps him figure things out with the animitronics.
He goes back to the museum the next night and the minis take one look at him and go, "You were with some other attractions last night, weren't ya?"
Now this is peak comedy.
Everyone at the museum just jealous that Larry spent a night with different attractions then them? Gold. Really, I honestly think that Larry could get through to the animatronics. Because Larry has something that Mike doesn’t. Social skills.
Are they limited? Yes, for sure. Still, they’re better than Mike’s. And since he know what it’s like to be around magical and dangerous things, I could imagine this could be a piece of cake! A challenge, for sure. It depends on which lore we’re going with. The movie or the games, but with time and care, I think the animatronics would like Larry.
I can just imagine him reading them all a bedtime story, under blankets and shit. And Mike is just— astounded.
“How the fuck did you do that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Wha— they listen to you!”
“Mike, they’re children. You gotta treat them as such. You can’t just expect a child to trust a big, scary stranger. You need to gain their trust. That’s how I did it.”
And Mike just stands there, stunned still.
Man— someone should write this.
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good-beanswrites · 10 months
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🎬: About Es being a past prisoner and the secret 11th prisoner in your AU. But advance apologies if I'm overstepping into your AU!
I had this idea from a story that pretty much did the same thing. Going off there are novels/manga on Milgram and there being another Es and their own prisoners running another Milgram (but differently) I imagine this Milgram projects has been going on for a while, and our Es was from a previous project who might have gotten the worst verdict (or the most spared out of everyone), and was given this final task as a warden for the next group of prisoners. This is why they so readily agreed and had their memories wiped for this Milgram project instead of being weary on a shady project on judging an almost crime, they've already been through this.
(BTW is it bad and worrying for one of our ten fav prisoners to be the next Es if this is legit...)
Anyway, that's why Es is in Milgram in your AU, I guess? And the lore drop that Kotoko picks up on them being the 11th prisoner, I can imagine her also talking to Kazui since he's a policeman to see if she could cross out any theories on who Es is (Did they look familiar. Possible missing child. Any cases to do with an almost crime by a child other than the 10 of them here). Kazui knows Kotoko wants to investigate, but reminds her that, like in their prison while the trial is on, the facilities they're in have high security too. They do have the freedom to move about, but still limited.
If they're trying to investigate Es, maybe Fuuta, Kotoko and Mikoto can try to do the hacking on the comp Mikoto's allowed to use to Photoshop some shots for the MVs and photos (Fuuta and Kotoko seem to be able to search up info they need I think...). Yuno, Mahiru and Muu can work on charming the staff to see if they can spill more deets on Milgram. Not sure how much the group can gather, but oh boy fun times in Milgram can turn into another sort of stress in this AU...
No worries!! Like I said before, this whole au has been a fun collaborative project, so there's no overstepping :) I am sorry I won't be writing a lot on the ending until we get more info, but that's just the perfectionist in me who doesn't want to be proven wrong 😅 Still, I love tossing around and digging into ending scenarios, I really love this!
Because that would make a lot of sense why they're so willing to subject themself to the whole experiment! They remember how tough their experience was, and are confident they can care for the new set of prisoners while doing their job. I'm imagining they get the opportunity to return as guard, and get to have a nice talk with their own guard first. Once they fully understand what it's like, they're know they can handle it and sign up. It adds a bit of drama, too, since they must have been really young committing their crime in order to complete a years-long experiment prior to this one. They would have been like 10? Oof. (Now I wanna see their three trial songs 👀)
And like you said, that also brings up the question of the new warden. Though I think it's based on verdict results, I can just picture Jackalope keeping an eye on everyone during filming. He studyies their interactions and personalities, keeping his own set of notes on who would make a good successor. (I'm not going to go through every character but there are pros to any choice, it's very fun picturing them all taking the job.) Haha, on the other hand, maybe the reason Kotoko keeps bringing up her role as Es' partner/bringer of justice is because she did discover the truth. She drops as many hints as possible so she can be chosen next 😅
Ooh, I love her working with Kazui on an investigation! The fact that eh may know details on recent crimes (and almost-crimes) is super fun to work with. He's the last person who's going to spill a secret, so the group could go several trials without realizing Kazui had actually heard all about their situation this whole time.
(Getting sidetrack for a sec, I'm suddenly realizing that he and Kotoko may have heard things about the crimes in canon, too. They're a bit unclear about how much time passed between the murders and arriving to Milgram, so maybe he heard some things. I don't know how well-connected Tokyo police departments are, but Yuno, Fuuta, Muu, and Shidou are all nearby. There's definitely a chance he caught word of the vigilante nearby, and she heard about the odd policeman's suicide. Both of them could have heard about the tragic housefire, the disgraced doctor, or horrible schoolgirl murder nearby.)
Anyway, I like that idea of Kazui wracking his brain for any similar cases. Though, if he had, Milgram may have had the foresight to wipe parts of his memory, too. Maybe he does end up using his call to reach out to Hinako and have her look into it from the outside. Sadly, Kotoko seems the type to sacrifice her personal call to reach out to a connection who can help as well. I'll have to think about how closely Jackalope monitors those calls, hm.
I'm going crazy over prisoner investigation team !! Kotoko and Fuuta had the online knowledge to find some good info, and Mikoto and Kazui seem like they'd have a huge network of people they can ask for info and favors from. Haha, I'm torn whether Mahiru would have flirting down to a science or if she'd refuse to do it since it wasn't real love 😂 Still, she's very good at reading people and could definitely help the others charm and bribe their way into some restricted areas. Amane and Haruka can also charm with their innocence/cuteness (though I'm not sure Amane would). Shidou seems very organized, he'd have a plan and backup plan and backup-backup plan ready, no matter what happens. I think it's even funnier, then if Milgram had run several experiments prior. Jackalope would think this was just another runthrough, and for the first time the ten subjects decided to organize together and Cause Problems.
I think there's a beautiful irony in a story featuring ten prisoners planning a jailbreak to save the prison guard...
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dayurno · 11 months
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pacing around my room motioning widely towards my pinboard and when you look at it its just this chart of me trying to figure out the kerejean dynamics of the fic im planning
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