#Teb's gender and sexuality feels

[thateclecticbitch]

You know, one of the things that sucks most about this gigantic wave of anti-trans legislature (dont fucking believe them when they say its just about the kids. Republicans absolutely will start targeting trans adults next. They already have. Nothing is too far for republicans). is that its having the opposite of the desired effect of discouraging people from transitiong/transitioning too quickly. Just two years ago, my desire to get top surgery didn't feel nearly as urgent as it does now (and I've been wanting top surgery/double mastectomy/to get rid of my breasts since I was 12. None of what's happening right now is making me want to take my time with my transition. It's making me feel like I have to do everything now Now NOW. If I don't do it now, if things keep going the way they are, I might not be able to do it at all in the future. I don't like feeling like I have to rush everything.i don't like feeling like I'm running out of time. It sucks. It sucks ass.

[thateclecticbitch]

This is very comforting, op. Thank you /gen

I see a lot of people saying that gender-affirming health care like top surgery for trans people like myself should be freely available (which is correct), but one of the reasons they often give is that top surgery is very safe and has a very low rate of complications compared to other surgeries. And I often see transphobes clutching their pearls over the few people who do have complications. What about them?! What if you're one of the unlucky ones?! Should we really let those transes risk it??!!!

Setting aside the fact that no one raises such concerns over other types of surgery, I'd like to use myself as an example for anyone who needs one.

In May of 2022 I had top surgery (double mastectomy). The surgery was done by a gynecological surgeon, not a plastic surgeon, because that way my insurance would cover it.

The surgeon did his job and removed the breast tissue, but he did not make it look pretty. I have dog-ears at both ends of both scars (extra bits of skin that hang off in a very unappealing fashion), my chest still looks unnaturally flat with no muscle or fat despite a lot of working out, and one of the stitches didn't heal properly and was left as an open wound through "secondary healing" for several months before it finally healed over into a very large scab (and eventually a very large scar). My nipples are uneven and irregular and look... well, just awful, really. Due to bad genetic luck, I wound up with keloid scars which, instead of getting smaller and lighter over time, have instead expanded, becoming thicker and darker. Worst of all, I now have chronic nerve pain in my chest. My GP thinks the surgeon must have hit a nerve during the procedure, and now I have random sharp pains all over my chest even now, nearly ten months later. The pain might improve with time, or it might not.

I basically had almost every possible complication one can have from this surgery short of infection or death. Some of the aesthetics might be fixable with more surgery (though plastic surgery will be expensive). Some are probably permanent. I might never feel comfortable taking my shirt off in public again. I might have to tattoo over the scars.

And pay attention to this next bit, because it's the most important part of this whole post: I do not regret the surgery. Even with all the complications and the ugly state of my chest and the pain. If someone said they could push a button and make it so that the surgery never happened and I'd have a perfect, unmarred chest with C-cup breasts again, I would tell them to take their button and fuck right off. Because even with basically the worst of all possible outcomes, that surgery was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I don't feel good about taking my shirt off in front of people now. I do think my chest is ugly. But it's a male chest now. When I put on a t-shirt, it rests flat against my chest. No one will ever mistake me for a woman again. I'll never have to wear a bra or binder ever again.

The dysphoria I felt from having breasts was so severe that a hideously scarred chest and chronic pain are vastly preferable. The euphoria I feel when I look in the mirror with a shirt on is something I never knew I was capable of feeling.

And it's my fucking body, and it's up to me what I do with it. If I wanted to tattoo myself from head to toe, or file my teeth into fangs, or have a doctor break my legs and surgically implant extensions to make me taller, that's my right because it's my body. The fact that all those things are regarded as basically acceptable (if a little weird), but I had to have a dehumanizing interview with an old cis psychiatrist who hates trans people and wants us all sterilized just to get a piece of paper giving me permission to have my tits removed, is fucking absurd.

Top surgery (of any kind) is generally very safe, and complications are rare. But even with the worst outcome, a trans person will basically never regret it.

And frankly, if a cis woman wants her tits cut off, or a cis man wants a pair of boobs to play with on his own chest, more power to them because literally who gives a fuck what people do to their own bodies? I saw a dude on TV when I was a kid who'd tattooed his whole body to look like a cat, filed his teeth into fangs, and had loads of plastic surgery to surgically implant whiskers and make his face look more feline. It was weird! But literally no one said that should be banned because he might regret it. It's his body to do whatever weird shit he wants with.

The next time someone clutches their pearls and kicks and screams about how you can't let someone permanently alter their body in a way they might regret, feel free to point to me and my complete and utter lack of regret.

(Or have a little fun with it, go hard in the other direction, and say you absolutely agree, which is why we should ban ALL non-emergency surgeries until the patient has been FULLY evaluated by three psychiatrists - along with tattoos and piercings. Oh, and ballet lessons for anyone under the age of 25, since ballet changes the structure of a child's body FOREVER.)

[thateclecticbitch]

you know what, a pirates life IS for me (he just saw himself wearing a poet shirt with tattoo patterned trans tape showing through ever so slightly)

[thateclecticbitch]

Fuck this haircut man. I wanted pompidou and it's giving pixie.

[thateclecticbitch]

This is why genderqueer is so precious to me.

These days its more commonly used as a political identity associated with the queer anti-assimilation movements of the 80s and 90s. It was often used by people who were unsatisfied with transgender (as in, transgressive gender) and its still strong association with medical transition. Others used it as or as a modifier for another gender identity, usually a binary one. One can be a genderqueer woman for instance. Anyway, it was the umbrella term for basically anyone who had some genderfuckery going on or thought gender norms are bullshit. That was before nonbinary and gender-non-conforming were popularized as the more apolitical alternatives.

Okay history lesson over.

I love love LOVE genderqueer. Genderqueer. As in, a Gender that is Queer. A queering of gender. Non-normative gender identity, experience, and expression. I am a genderqueer man. A man who's manhood is queer.

I mean, I'm trans, so it's a little different. But just because I'm a binary trans man, doesn't mean I have to hold up binary gender performances associated with men. I don't even think of or refer to of myself in terms of masculine, feminine, androgynous, ect. I'm just me. I'm a creative person expressing and experiencing my manhood in my own way, just like every other man. Or any person really. I don't have to change my identity, or further categorize myself. And I definitely dont want people to shove me into another box (especially by other trans people) just because of their opinions about my haircut.

I don't want to water myself down just to make myself more palatable. I shouldn't have to do that to be respected, and neither should anyone else. Just do what feels good and right. Have fun. Be creative. Be free.

I’m a cis man sure but i also wanna opt out of the gender binary. None of that shit is my fault or my responsibility and i don’t want any part of it

[thateclecticbitch]

I HAVE MOTHERFUCKIN SIDEBURNS THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!

[thateclecticbitch]

I love using historical terminology for queer love attraction gender and expression because it makes me feel connected to the gays of yore <3

[thateclecticbitch]

When people try to guess my favorite color, they always guess black or sometimes deep red or deep green, because these are colors I wear frequently. Most are surprised to find out my favorite color is actually yellow. Its such a wonderful color. Reminds me of all the things I love about summer. Sunshine, warmth, sunflowers, dandelions, sunscreen bottles, lemonade, biting directly into a lemon to impress my friends. I would wear it every day as if I could. Specifically lemon or dandelion yellow (all the others make me look absolutely sickly thanks Mediterranean genes 🙄) As it stands, I cant wear yellow bc of binder/sports bras showing under light colored shirts. As soon as I get top surgery I am going to wear every yellow shirt I can find. I love yellow <3

[thateclecticbitch]

I think a really important part of the conversation about transitioning and detransitioning that a lot of people do not talk about, or maybe even consider, is the sometimes subtle, but always incredibly important distinction between disatisfaction and regret. In fact, I think a good portion of detransitioners may have confused being unsatisfied with some of their results or going through a difficult time in their life with regretting their decisions.

[thateclecticbitch]

One thing I miss about being a girl is throwing on a dress as a very low effort way getting people to ignore the bags under my eyes whenever I lost sleep at night.

[thateclecticbitch]

Think I'm on some kind of asexual spectrum actually

[thateclecticbitch]

Love it when strangers use they/them for me. Those aren't my pronouns. I just think its cool when people don't default to trying to box me into a binary gender.

[thateclecticbitch]

In an alternative timeline I tell my friends a family I want to be a bearded woman like Annie Jones with a voice as deep as Marian Anderson, and I would like to go by Skyler, please. The surgeon at my breast reduction consultation has informed me that if we go any smaller there'd be nothing left to remove. "Good" I say "lets get rid of all it." My doctor has refered me to an endocrynologyst. My mam'm-stache is coming in nicely. My medical records list me me a "transexual female to male patient". I have no idea what this means but i figure it's probably not that important.

Even if I wasn't trans I'd still be on a very similar life trajectory to the one I am right now.

[thateclecticbitch]

Looked in the mirror today and thought to myself "Oh. Hey :)"

[thateclecticbitch]

concept, this blue sheer cupid crop top but it's a binder.

[thateclecticbitch]

I AM AT MY FUCKING LIMIT YALL I DONT NEED COPING SKILLS I NEED TO YEETUS MY TEETUS