#Tbh I was talking about it on discord so I thought everyone else should hear my headcanon HEHEHEHE

[akqrus]

Ladybug carries packets of mayo (sometimes thoom) bc every time she eats out with Chat on patrol, they don't give her mayo bc the restaurants are greedy asf and fill their bags with ketchup and BBQ instead and force ppl to PAY FOR FUCKING MAYO.

And Chat just stares so amazed... Like this woman is a mastermind AND his girlfriend??!

[bellfort3]

This is a vent fic i wrote ages ago. I don't have any plans for it, so I'm giving it to you. It's a gift. You can honestly do whatever you want with it. It's completely yours, add to it, read it, delete it, I don't mind. I think you might enjoy it and tbh i just want to be free of it. Its not published anywhere or anything. Uh tw for mildly implied suicidal thoughts.

Wilbur leaned back in his chair, taking a drag of the energy drink on his desk. He was streaming, and it had been nice and chill so far. Some QnA, some GeoGuesser and he'd promised to play a song for chat at the end.

"Thank you BXLBB for the 20," he exclaimed. "BXLBB" he repeated dramatically, and laughed. "Geez, put a vowel in your name dude. Do I plan on doing more chill streams? Yeah probably. We'll have to see how it goes, I'm not really going by too much of a schedule right now." He leaned forward. "Millie X, thank you for the 10. OK, so I think we-"

BRRRRNG!

Wilbur jumped violently in his chair, then giggled slightly. "Oh god that was my phone. I didn't"- he laughed again. "I wasn't expecting that chat, it made me jump. That's going to get clipped, isnt it. Jesus."

BRRRRING!

He looked at the phone screen. TommyInnit calling. Wait. Tommy calling? At 11pm, while  Wilbur was streaming, AND on his phone? With no texts or discord messages first? That was concerning. It was probably just Tommy being an ass, but the anxious part of Wilburs brain said he had to be sure. Ugh, if he was pranking him, he would kill that child. Tommy would just messing around, in which case the moment he started talking, Wil would tell him he was streaming and immedietly hang up on him.

"Oh fuck, it's the FBI," he yelped. He had to play it of as a joke for chat. "They saw how good I am at Geoguesser and now they're all after me. Hold on chat, let me just take this and make sure everything's alright. I'll be right back."

He muted his mic and picked up the call.

"Hullo TommyInnit."

No response.

He turned his volume up. Maybe it had been too low.

If he really strained, he could hear a very faint noise.

Oh fuck.

His anxiety was starting to creep in now.

"Tommy?"

Silence again.

"Tommy, I can't hear you."

More silence.

And then there was a muffled choking noise, and a quiet broken voice said "Hey Will."

For a split-second, Wilbur wondered if someone else had got his number by mistake. He had never in his life heard Tommy sound like that. But it had to be him by the call screen.

"Tommy are you OK?" Thank God he didn't ignore the call, thank god he didn't ignore the call. "Whats going on?"

Another beat of awkward quiet.

"It's nothing," muttered Tommy. "I-I'm sorry for bothering you Wil."

Oh fuck it must be bad. This was the teen who had told him his mother was dying to get him on stream.

"Tommy tell me what's going on."

"I don't- honestly Wilbur it's, I mean- I just-" Tommy stammered. He breathed out slowly and shakily. His voice was getting more watery and unsteady, in a very un-Tommyinnit like way. "I can't- can't seem to do-." He exhaled again and then he blurted out "Wil I want to delete my channel."

"You want to delete your channel?" Wilbur was trying to keep his voice level, but he could hear a tiny bit of incredulity and panic spill through.

Tommy was getting more worked up now. "I'm going to delete it Wil, I'm going to."

"Woah, woah. Don't do anything you'll regret. Where are you?"

"In my room. At my desk."

"OK. Sit on your bed away from the PC. Are your parents home?"

"They've gone out." He could hear a soft SCHMF as Tommy threw himself on the bed.

"So what-why do you want to delete your channel, Tommy?" The question 'what happened?' was clear in his words.

"I hate it Will. I... I don't like, I mean- honestly Wilbur, everything that's on there is shit. What is the point of keeping it up?" Tommy sniffed.

"Tommy..."

"Don't sugarcoat it Wil, I know- I know- I see how things are, you know. And I know I let you down and" Tommy's voice broke. "I'm sorry-I'm sorry, I've fucking failed Wilbur, I've let everyone down, I shouldn't even- I didn't mean to fuck everything up like I have, I dissapointed you-" and then Tommy was really crying, with sobs muffled by his hands and the phone.

Wilbur was stunned. Truly stunned. This was not a prank. Tommy was not OK. Tommy wanted to destroy everything he had worked for. Tommy was crying.

"Tommy," he said softly. "You haven't dissapointed me. Why did you think that?"

"Cos' y'know I-" he sobbed. "You-you like believed, you thought I could do good with my channel and my streams, but it's-" he sobbed again. "All of its so shit, and- and I've thrown away all my chances and I've limited everything and I just think it would be-" Tommy couldn't get the rest out. 

"Tommy, your videos are good. Maybe they're not all amazing, but you worked hard on all of them and they're all enjoyed by people." Wilbur was still reeling. "You don't hate all of them right?"

Tommy, save for crying, didn't reply.

"Right?"

No response.

"Tommy, trust me, you just don't see it now but I don't think your channel is as bad as you think. Did someone say something?"

"No!" Tommy cried, insistently. "No, no, you don't understand, this is just the way it is. Nobody told me, I came to this realisation myself."

"But," Wilbur started. "This realisation of yours is total nonsense Tommy."

Tommy sniffled.

"I don't know. I'm sorry Will."

"Are you doing OK? Is everything alright at school and home?"

"It's fine. Its... Fine."

"You don't think you're, you know, going through something? Are you depressed?" As Wilbur said this a realisation of his own hit him- he was still streaming. Chat was going crazy. He typed in chat: "everything is OK, but I have to end stream now. Sorry everybody. Go send Niki some love." Then he pressed the raid button. And watched the viewers drop.

"Wil I'm not-I don't know," Tommy said. "It would just be easier-well, better for everyone if it was gone. If I was y'know."

'End Stream.' Click. Hopefully the Internet wasn't too rabid. Then Tommy's words caught up with his brain. "Wait, Tommy you don't mean that," he said. "Thats really concerning Tommy. What about Dream and Techno and Tubbo and Schlatt? All these people you-"

"No!" Tommy screamed, immedietly distressed. "No, no, no, no, they don't, I can't-"

"Tommy, Tommy, calm down. It's OK." Tommys breathing filled the space.

"I'm getting Phil."

"No, please don't get Phil, please Wilbur I'm sorry, please Will-" Tommy spluttered frantically.

Wilbur typed a message to Phil with rapid speed, explaining what had happened.

Phil called immedietly, and Wil muted his phone.

"Will, what the fuck is happening? I saw you ended stream early. And you say Tommy's-." Phil was silent for a second. "Oh. Is he OK?"

"I have him on the phone, Phil, please talk to him."

Wilbur unmuted his phone.

"Hiya mate," Phil said softly.

Tommy quietly replied "Hi Phil."

//TW FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS//

Anon what the actual fuck. I just read this while sitting in ap world and I’m literally like stunned. Anon how-anon-I-

This is rlly rlly rlly good. Like rlly good. It actually made me feel like I was there like I was Wilbur what the fuck this lowkey wrecked me what

Anon I know you have gifted this to me but please. I think it’s amazing and that you should continue with it if you want to. It’s very good.

Please come back and talk to me!! I’m invested in this now

[ofkareenas]

.  ∘ ∗   :   🐝   𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙶   …

JANHVI KAPOOR, CIS WOMAN, TWENTY-FIVE, SHE / HER  ⟨  ✽  ⟩   hey, you haven’t bumped into  kareena puri  lately, have you? they have been living here for the past  two years  and during that time, locals have gotten to know them as  charismatic  &  creative.  a little birdie told me they can be quite  stubborn  &  opinionated  though. explains why they’re an online fashion brand owner and designer .  they really remind me of  morning beach walks, sketchbooks filled with new designs, the sound of a sewing machine running.  if you’re ever looking for them, i bet you can find them around port briar lighthouse.

hi again, it’s tally ! this is my second baby kareena !! she’s very new to me and it’s pretty exciting bc i tend to just recycle characters kjhfgkj again, if you’d like to plot, please reach out to me on dms, or you can like this and i’ll reach out. you can also talk to me on discord if you’d prefer that. ( gowon face insurance company#8416 ) also pls excuse how messy this is, i havent written a proper full intro in a while.

.  ∘ ∗   :   🐝   𝙱𝙸𝙾𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙷𝚈   …

kareena puri

march 30th, 1996 - 25 yrs old ; aries

cis woman, she/her, bisexual (closeted to her family, not so much to anyone else)

born in mumbai, india. raised in seattle, washington.

currently residing in port briar, maine

pinterest board: here

TW / CW: none, other than a controlling family, which idk if it even should be tagged but yuh

kareena knew it, she was lucky compared to others. she had it better than some of her peers, and she recognized that privilege. but if she could trade her family life for a “normal” one, she would in the quick snap of a finger.

kareena’s family was pretty much old money. she came from a long line of doctors in almost every medical field, and they own so many private hospitals and clinics in many countries. if you happen to hear the Puri family name, you probably would associate it with these things: a big hospital that you probably drove by with your car or a surgeon that your doctor wanted to refer you to.

every child in the family was expected to go to med school. it was the only way to keep the family legacy and pride going. of course, the more new generations came in the family, the more there were those who decided to take different fields of work instead. and of course, the eldest members in the family would always voice their disappointment in them, and would always make sure to remind them that they’re a disgrace no matter how successful they are in whatever field they went into.

kareena didn’t know what she was doing at the young age of sixteen. her parents would boast about how she would be a successful doctor when she grows up, just like her older siblings, and how her younger siblings would be the same as well. all kareena did was nod and smile. she didn’t want this.

the thing is, she was a naturally great student with really good grades, and yet her parents would be disappointed if she got a B+ or even an A- on a subject every once in a while. she didn’t get it. she thought she was doing her best. although the complaining about her report cards was getting a bit too much coming from her mother, and that’s when kareena really started to not give a fuck. yes, she still got good grades for her own sake, but she started to do whatever she wanted. she hung out with kids her parents would call a bad influence, and started to skip some school days or go to parties on the weekends. it was fun and liberating to her.

once her senior year was over and kareena was graduated with a high school diploma, her family was back at it again, trying to get her to apply to all the notable medical schools out there. she had protested about it, and family fights ensued, and with some threats, kareena was forced into applying. next school year, she was in another city, studying to be a surgeon, and her mind wasn’t into it at all. she only lasted one year before she decided to drop out and transfer to FIDM, a fashion school in L.A, instead.

kareena has always been into fashion. the way she dressed would tell you so. how she was always on the latest fashion, and how she would have so many sketchbooks and scrapbooks of fashion related things. she loved making her own clothes at home with her sewing machine. her mother would tell her that it’s a nice hobby, but she never guessed that her daughter would want to pursue it as a career. the color drained out of her face when she saw what kareena had done. she was angry and disappointed, and mostly worried about what the rest of the family would say, more than she cared about her daughter’s wants and needs. kareena, however, didn’t care. she was happy. she moved out to be closer to campus, and soon enough after graduation, she left everything behind and decided to go somewhere quieter: port briar, maine. this was completely different from everything she was used to, it was so quiet and small, but she loved it. she finally feels at peace with herself.

now, kareena is a successful fashion designer. she started an online business, and it has been booming, with fashion influencers promoting her work. she was hoping that someday she would get to do bigger things, like making custom items for celebrities and being featured in fashion magazines and fashion weeks. she could only wish and work towards that for now.

and even with all of that, even when kareena had picked herself up from the ground on her own and built her own business, her family still didn’t approve. they still pretended to care about her, but would make sure to remind her of how disappointed they are in her and the path she’d taken. they would sit and wonder what it would’ve been like if she continued to go to med school, and how successful she could’ve been. and all kareena would do in response is smile and say that she’s successful anyway, but at least now she’s doing something she actually loves.

.  ∘ ∗   :   🐝   𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙾𝙽𝚂   …

born in mumbai, india. moved to seattle, washington when she was still a baby, and was raised there for the rest of her life, all while still visiting family back home.

kareena is the middle child of 5 siblings. two older brothers and two younger sisters

she is bisexual, and she’s pretty open about it. except to her family. shes not out to them

she believes in working hard, but she also believes that everyone deserves to have fun and get a break every once in a while. she currently is the only main person doing all the work for her business, but she’s hoping to soon hire anyone who has the same interests as her

her designs are mostly evening wear dresses and such. think teuta matoshi or marionela type of dresses, all flowy and puffy, giving fantasy feels

altho i would say her success is more like early hope macaulay, when she was still starting out. if no one is familiar with her, she is an irish fashion and textile designer who got famous for her knit wear on instagram, and she’s p young !! u might recognize her work if u look her up <3

she currently lives alone port briar, with her rented home facing the beach. exactly how she likes it. it was different and definitely not lavish like her home growing up, but she liked it better. she could’ve lived somewhere more expensive, but she didn’t want that.

owns a studio where she usually works. there is more space for her there than what she used to have at home. all the design process, sewing and even photoshoots take place there usually

if not working, kareena could be found at the rocky beaches near the port’s lighthouse or off somewhere on an adventure. she is always here to have a good time

honestly kareena is still such a new character for me, so if i think of any other hcs, i’ll add them here

.  ∘ ∗   :   🐝   𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙽𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂   …

friends from school, could be from seattle or L.A: kareena would’ve kept in contact with those friends tbh shes the type of person to keep her friends around. even if they were just added to her snapchat or followed on instagram. she would keep up with them

toxic relationship / gf: THIS

exes ?? we could definitely plot this out

high school ex perhaps 👀

FWB: no strings attached 

neighbors: she lives on sea sprite lane

family members? kareena would be hoping that left them all behind in the past, but it can’t be denied that she has a big family and she could possibly run into any of them at any moment

omg crush perhaps ! idm if it’s one sided, and it could either be kareena having feelings or the other person

a friend she had a falling out with: she probably met this person two years ago when she first moved here. something might’ve happened and one thing after another, they dropped each other and it was probably the worst falling out for both of them

clients / customers for her business perhaps. or maybe a helping hand!! 

literally anything u wanna do, lets gooo

[mooglesorts]

man. it's weird, because there's a lot of things about me that are Very Badger Primary, to the point where i would probably pick it with a strong bird model over anything else at this point... except that i hate dehumanization. i saw primaries described recently as 'things you wouldn't be you anymore if you went against,' and more than just about anything else that's it. even when i think people are monsters, i can't see them as not human; i'd be hard put to define exactly what i consider a 'monster,' but it's more about like. good faith than personhood, i suppose?

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

[[MORE]]

---

-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

---

doubtless i'll think of more the moment i hit send, and there are just as many things about me that are Super Bird Primary, but like... mamma mia that's some spicy badger. the main thing stopping me is the Can't and Refuse to Dehumanize bit. i also... hm. i think i can function okay without a community? they just help a lot, and it sucks when i'm confronted with one i don't have a (stable) place in. any thoughts? is it possible for a bird system's foundation to run so deep that eventually it overrides the bird?

[dystopiandilfs]

I know you’ll probably disagree with this but I’d still like to share. I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff about Dream not being responsible for who watches him and that he’s allowed to do/say nsfw things. I agree with that to a certain extent. His marketing for him as a creator is one that targets much younger audiences, think of his YouTube, that target audience is much much younger than that in which he has when streaming. Thinking of the youngens that would lie to get more content (younger than 13) to watch him on twitch is probably very high. If their parents are monitoring who they watch and have vetted Dream for YouTube why wouldn’t they allow twitch? Not saying he needs to be pg but maybe just aware that there are probably like 8 year olds watching him while streaming. This is more of a twitch issue for me personally to ensure the guidelines are being followed and no underage people are there.

I also have strong opinions on his standpoint for nsfw and shipping content for him. If he’s okay with that sure but it is allowing minors on the internet to post their sexual fantasies without much backlash because “it’s not against his boundaries to post nsfw stuff”. I’d rather not see a 14 year old discuss in detail how they’d want the Dream to fuck them. It’s frankly quite gross, people can have these thoughts and feelings but publicly posting them when they aren’t 18+ on the internet just isn’t safe. Internet safety is huge and the treatment of nsfw in this fandom has made them targets.

Yea and no. I don't think Dream should have to control what he says and makes himself pg I think it's down to people who don't want to hear or see NSFW should limit what they watch. Dream keeps his YouTube PG, keeps his own Twitch moderately PG. He's NSFW in the Merch Discord or in other people's streams and Twitter which is fine.

I think it's down to parents more than the creators and Dream shouldn't have to watch his content or language for the sake of younger people. Yes it's fucking gross to see 14 year olds talking about wanting to be railed by Dream but unfortunately that's how the internet works.

Tbh in a previous fandom a 13 year old was being so open about everything and became such a risk that me and someone else literally found her parents Instagram and messaged them telling them to keep an eye on her and what she does online and thankfully we did because apparently she was planning to meet up with "a friends" irl a week later. So I might genuinely start doing it again because some of these people need their parents to turn on parental controls.

It's down to a lot of things, parents, the media services not having more control of ages, but honestly I don't think it's down to the creator. That's like saying it's an actor's fault for not sticking to just PG films and TV shows. It's unrealistic.

Twitter has an age requirement which is most countries is 17 so you can report on a lot of accounts and get them suspended. Twitch has a 13 age requirement but you also don't need an account to watch creators so it's flawed.

Honest the internet is so uncontrollable so it's best to block people, block tags and unfollow anyone who might cause you to see it. It's sad to say but it's impossible to protect everyone from NSFW and dangerous people

So I agree and disagree with you it's honestly such a difficult subject to discuss because it's the fault of everyone and no-one at the same time

[msuhana]

heeyoo everyone ! i’m ume ( 21+, she/her, pst! ) and this is my first muse here ! i’ve been eyeing this place for a while but only got enough time recently to really be able to join so i’m supes excited to be here !!! anyway enough with the ice-breaker-esque intro, this is hana  🖤  ( yves fc ) and she’s quite the pain in the ass bc she has quite the longest stick in her ass lmfao! her profile is right here, but it’s ridiculously long ( not that this isn’t ridiculously long but wtv ) so if you don’t want to get a headache .... mb read the below deets first ? i’d reaaaaaaaally love to plot with everyone, i’d much prefer it over twitter (@nagisasgf) or via discord ( feel free to ask! ) rather than tumblr dms, if possible. but if you’d also like to plot, feel free to like this and i’ll zoom by for some one on one time ! 🤪🤪🤪

TW WARNINGS CHILD ABUSE, VIOLENCE, BLOOD, NSFW

meet cho hana 

again, cho hana: 21 y/o ( 11/11/98 ), toseong senior majoring in transfiguration, minor in herbology

she’s also in these clubs: chess club (co-president), debate club, and herbology club!

her mother chose her clubs and her major, hana chose her minor and the herbology club

born and raised in seoul, south korea! she’s also a mahoutokoro graduate

she was a ‘accident’, her father is severely out of the picture to the point that hana doesn’t even know his name / whereabouts or questions about him because her mother never told her about him at all and hana just accepted it ( aka her mother has a very tight reign on hana’s life )

speaking of her mother, her mother is a famed auror who fell from grace when she got pregnant with hana

because of her pregnancy with hana, she had to retire early and thus dedicated her entire life making sure hana didn’t make the same mistakes she did and was just as smart, talented and envied as ahyoung had been

this makes for a very restrained childhood, where all hana knew was studying, studying and more studying

also if it isn’t obvious, hana has serious mommy issues to the point that she’s disillusioned herself into thinking everything is okay when it’s not

( TW FOR CHILD ABUSE )

whenever her mother was displeased with something, she’d physically abuse hana -- it began when hana would get things wrong, if she didn’t get the right grades or failed to make the top of her class but then it started to extend to embarrassing her mother by saying or doing the wrong things

( END TW )

it’s pretty bad because hana thinks, still, if she works hard enough she can somehow gain her mother’s love 

ever since she was young, hana was conditioned to strive for the best, because she was ‘cho ahyoung’s daughter’ she could do it, to the point that it not only inflated hana’s ego, it also really fucked up her self-esteem and how she she’s her own self-worth

a lot of people think she’s a ‘genius’ or ‘prodigy’ because of her academic history but she’s literally the opposite, she works way too hard for her grades but her mother wants her to pretend she’s a genius because she thinks it’s embarrassing that her own daughter isn’t a natural-born genius like she is

i, hana

this bitch has Big Tsun vibes if you know it you know it 🤪

like she’ll geniunely care but she’s also HEAVES BIG SIGH BC ???? WHY ??? WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS ???

she’s such a priss, and she knows it -- that’s why i say she has a stick up her ass bc she does

she’s definitely not a wild card, she’s very by the book, rules and all, sure -- she tries not to fault people if they’re not the same as her but if you go out of your way to be stupid, you’ll be getting an ear-full

probably the most put-together person you know, organized, meticulous, looks like she has her life all together? yeah that’s cho hana

her outfits of choice are hot librarian chic, if you must know -- yes, she owns sweater vests and layers her clothes, and yes she thinks they’re sexy

she’s not mean, but she’s also not unreasonably nice off the gate ???? she’s just really civil and mutual ??? mostly she’ll fake smile at you but in her head she’s like ‘i’m with stupid’ 

no, but if you’re really dumb / do something really dumb she’ll call you out on it without filter

she’s a very type-A personality, but she wasn’t always like this. if anything, she was made to be this way and it kind of stuck. she carries around a planner ( no, not those bullet journal crap ) an actual planner with real dates, a to-do list and scheduled sessions written for almost every minute of every day. if she loses this, she’ll practically shut down

hana doesn’t love control, she needs it -- if anything, without it, she can get a little antsy, so much that it kind of fucks with her fragile ego ( you can thank her mother for the need to be in control bc her mother literally controls every aspect of her life )

if she’s upset, she’ll probably grin through it before quickly excusing herself to go throw vases at the walls or tear flowers to shreds in the greenhouse

if you need someone to critically tear down your confidence and dish reality’s terrible news to you, hana’s probably the person you need

you can probably find hana in 3 places if she’s not in her dorm: studying in the library, crying in the greenhouse, or smoking at the pool of universe

she’s praised as some kind of genius or prodigy, but hana thinks it’s more of an insult than a compliment because she's neither. she won’t deny it but you can probably instantly see the way her demeanor changes towards you when you call her either of those things

this bitch should go on jeopardy with all the useless information she keeps on hand from all her studying, tbh. like she’d be leading a normal conversation with her friends, and if it’s remotely related, she’d randomly insert it into the conversation as if it was something normal like asking about the weather.

not one to go out looking for trouble, but much like a vulture – she follows it. perhaps it’s her desire to be praised, to feel needed, whatever – but in her group of friends, could probably be seen as the moral compass, if not, the person who’s cleaning up everyone’s messes ( or holding their hair while they puke their guts out )

needed connects

childhood friends who know how hana’s mom is, and all the stress she puts on her ( but not the bad things that happen at home ) and try to help her through her issues but hana’s like ‘no, it’s not your problem, it’s okay’ but this friend won’t give up because they hate to see hana so stressed and sad and frustrated and just want the best for her!!!!

give her friends who want to loosen her up because she’s literally so fuCKING RIGID, she needs to live a little but hana is literally like fuck that shit i need to study my ass off or else i’ll lose my place ( but really she’d probably not lose her place, she’s just delusional )

ppl she can actually break down in front of bc she feels stress keeping up w everyone’s expectations of who she is and she’s kind of SIck of pretending to be this Perfect Person but she keeps it up bc it’s better than hearing the nasty things about her

give me a good tension-filled rivals plot, this bitch is honestly so hyper-competitive it’s ridiculous, we’d just love someone to go ‘chill tf out you bitch, but oh yeah look how i steal rank 1 from you’

TOSEONG SENIOR PREFECT LOCKED ! so, hana worked extra hard junior year in order to get senior prefect ( or even head girl ) but since she got neither, hana is a) pissed and b) bitter because now she has her mother breathing down her neck for not getting either positions, but her mother’s wrath adds even more : ) unnecessary : ) stress and that stress : ) gets unreasonably taken out on that toseong senior prefect

exes who couldn’t keep up with her -- hana always puts her relationships second to her academic priorities and it comes to a point where she’ll put studying/getting ahead before hanging out with her significant other, and it has always been this way ; she’s also just never able to properly put her feelings into proper words so she’s always just ... Repressed 

someone give her a love where she ALMOST threw everything away for but at the last minute didn’t -- OR BETTER YET she was so ready to do it but the s/o was like Sike! and she was left devastated and her already vulnerable feelings got even worse to the point that she closed herself off

HERBOLOGY CLUB MEMBER LOCKED ! ( could be a junior year or above! ) hana wasn’t always in the herbology club, but she joined her sophomore year after a brush of fate. after getting really bad results on her DADA exam, and fearing what her mother would say/do, she finds solace in the greenhouse ( she’s been there several times bc of her minor and finds it empty at certain hours ) and begins ripping up the plants. your muse can find hana and scold her / console her / etc. but somehow the interaction ends with your muse convincing hana to join the herbology club 

( TW NSFW )

someone pls fuck her against a bookcase, just a thought

rivals but fwb ( can also be paired with the connect from above! )

( END TW )

hana secretly smokes. she doesn’t fault anyone who does, hana just thinks it’s a bad habit for herself and if her mother knew, she knew she’d never hear the end of it. so, enter your muse either they found her while they themselves were looking for a smoke or just happened upon her -- either way they found out hana smokes and it can end in either a ) hana doesn’t give a shit and ends up having smoking dates with them or b ) hana fucking fears for her life and exchanges something in order for you to keep your mouth shut

( TW ABUSE, VIOLENCE )

PRE-ESTABLISHED FRIENDS PLOT REQ ! but your muse mistakenly walks in on hana and her mother in the middle of a heated argument. you finally see hana being the submissive person you Don’t know her to be and in the nick of time you see her mother slap the shit out of her. you try to talk to hana but don’t know what to say -- shockingly enough -- you don’t need to say anything because hana just breaks down and it kind of just makes sense. from there, your muse will probably be the only person hana goes to about her mommy issues, especially when hana’s mom makes her ‘surprise’ visits to campus to check up on her

( END TW )

hana isn’t a bad drinker, if anything -- she’s pretty good at keeping her alcohol in check. however, you aren’t -- so here she is, holding your hair, holding your arm, or helping you back to your dorm room. either way, she’s here to take care of you and in the morning, lecture you for your almost alcohol intoxication scare

as top of her class, hana isn���t unfamiliar to tutoring others, if anything, a lot of her professors actually ask her to do so -- pairing her with several of their students at one time. maybe you’re one of the students she tutors?

someone who envies how well hana does in school, and is constantly praised for it -- maybe hates her for it? idk -- something spicy i guess or going so far to say how easily it comes to hana and kind of undermines the hard work hana actually does and hana either takes it or blows up at them for it bc that shit is annoying as fuck

toseong house cute plots bc hana isn’t really all that cute but like she tries ... she wants affection but won’t go out of her way to ask for it??? bitch has problems i swear

toseong house not so cute plots ( could also be relevant to any not from toseong ) who are just sick of hana’s genius bullcrap and want to take her down a notch !!!!! my ass heavily wanting this bc who doesn’t love a muse in pain / agony ; could also apply as a rivals / hate plot idk 

( TW BLOOD )

HEALING MAJORS LOCKED ! your muse catches hana in the middle of her rage episodes. she unceremoniously is wreaking havoc somewhere and ends up breaking glass to the point that she ends up bleeding. your muse chances upon her -- sees that she’s bleeding and offers to patch her up. whether or not she fesses up to why she ended up this way, can be determined!

( END TW )

[clarenecessities]

so shit’s fucked

here is a timeline

09/03/2019.

two people in a 70 person server discuss the SU movie in the general chat channel, using spoiler tags because it had just recently been released. this lasts five posts.

09/07/2019.

alyson comes into the general chat channel and says man, isn’t it a bummer that SU is n*zi apologia and racist and actively harmful?

Donnie says yes, it’s harmful, but drop the n*zi comment because RS is jewish (alyson does not, then or the other two times donnie asks, despite donnie being jewish himself). He later says he doesn’t care about SU at all

Synth says it’s understandable that people would drop the show because of poor handling or the racism issues, but agrees that n*zi is too far when there’s genuine propaganda out there

Beta says yes, the writers could have handled things better, but reducing the message of the show to “n*zi good” is a deliberate misinterpretation

A fourth person comes in briefly to say they also don’t care about SU and that this should probably be in the discourse channel.

About halfway through the conversation, after his second request to stop calling SU apologia was met with a sourceless insistence that other jewish people criticized it (though alyson did not specify whether they used the term n*zi apologia), Donnie told her she was taking this very personally, which Alyson met with “Am I? I said a thing, said it was unpopular, and left it. and then got swarmed?”

At this point she held ~46% of the conversation.

She then abruptly left, saying, “like. Hooooboy, there's so much assuming and passion and defensiveness going on here, so I guess I'll leave since I've seen this all before and know for a fact that no one is going to let it rest.“

She held 41% of the final conversation. Everyone who weighed in was either explicitly open to criticizing SU or completely indifferent, and were simply asking her not to refer to the work of a Jewish nb woman as n*zi apologia.

09/10/2019

Alyson writes a post. The introduction is more or less “if you uncritically like SU, unfollow me” and goes on to say she underestimated how few people in the neopets fandom recognize its harmfulness. She says she’d been thinking about leaving the Neolodge discord for a while, but her mind was made up on the 3rd when she saw "a lot of hype and support" (5 posts), four full days before she posted in the general chat. She says she "was swarmed by questions asked by people who didn't want to hear [her] answers." (there were two questions asked of her: “did you just kind of want to get mad at us for enjoying steven universe?” and “were you venting?")

She says that SU is her “litmus test” of sorts, implying--possibly by accident--that she was then testing the Neolodge by dangling some SU-discoursey bait. 

The post was tagged #the problem isn’t liking a thing and #it's denying anyone from not-liking it for very valid reasons

Except the problem was demonstrated to be specifically that she was asked not to use a particular term to describe that not-like

7 months later, 4/16/2019

There is a Neolodge board on our own neopets.gov. Alyson shows up and is polite & sociable until more people that she recognizes filter in. She neomails hollis to broach the subject of what had happened in september, saying “from what i remember it was mostly synth who was very reactionary and aggressively posting at me because i criticised steven universe“ which, if you’ll review the logs, is both not about synth, who only posted twice (probably an honest mistake), but also grossly mischaracterizes the nature of the incident. Over the next day or so she and Hollis discuss the nature of the lodge and what transpired in September. Hollis emphasizes that the Neolodge has never been a place for bigots or their sympathizers, and Alyson goes radio silent.

4/24/2019

Alyson writes a new post. It tells a different narrative than we see play out in the logs. Her summary of events is as follows:

So, when wondering on the chat if anyone else was critical of the franchise, instead the chat suddenly sped up and i was swarmed by a bunch of anti-criticism fans who almost immediately -instead of reading my beginning attempts to elaborate on where i was coming from- posted over and over again that rebecca sugar is a marginalized voice and as such, immune to criticism, and how dare I insinuate a jewish woman of writing nazi apologia.

To reiterate, she began a discussion. Every person who responded was either openly critical of SU or indifferent. They were not suggesting RS is immune to criticism because she’s marginalized; they were in fact largely agreeing with the criticisms that Alyson raised, but asking her to be more conscious of the impact her choice of terms could have (and in fact was having).

I (a neurodivergent, mentally ill, pansexual aromantic woman, aka also a marginalized voice) was talked over and treated as if i ate babies. Obviously, I left the neolodge discord after that.

Again, she held 41% of the conversation--and by her own admission had already been planning to leave the Neolodge, and had thrown down this final ‘litmus test’ despite not wanting to engage with the results.

Now, obviously marginalization isn’t a contest. There’s no “I have more problems” or “I have worse problems” that will ever get us anywhere constructive. As I said in my own reply to her post, this was not a matter of RS being untouchable because she’s marginalized, but of Alyson’s behavior when asked not to draw the comparison between RS’s work and literal N*zi apologia.

Hollis refused to read and think about what i had said and the information i linked to, despite apparently going back in the discord chat and viewing the whole mess, where i had also laid out information to back up my observations.  Instead, my voice talked over, my words and concerns discarded, I was treated as if I had committed some heinous act, and if i had changed as a person then maybe they might let me back in to the neolodge.

Now being privy to the entire conversation, I can assure anyone reading this that Hollis read & thought about everything Alyson said very seriously. We had an in-depth and nuanced discussion, and ultimately realized that this was not simply a matter of whether or not SU is a poorly handled cartoon or full-on apologia. It was a matter of Alyson’s unwillingness to engage in a discussion she herself began, her repeated refusals to respect the comfort and wishes of our Jewish members, and her later misconstruals of the conversation as a ‘bombardment’.

Alyson insists she did not call RS a n*zi, and that critiquing the show is not equivalent to doing so, but unfortunately ended that thought with this:

Words mean things: look up apologia.

Now, I’ve already pointed this out, but apologia means “a formal written defense of one’s opinions or conduct.” Thus, every time Alyson has insisted SU is actual, literal N*zi apologia, she means that a Jewish nonbinary woman conceived of and executed an explicit defense of fascism, n*zis, the H*locaust, regardless of how involved she was or wasn’t in the production of the show itself.

Personally, I choose to believe that Alyson herself is unaware of the definition, and instead meant that SU makes excuses for fascism, or alludes to n*zis, or much gentler (if still harmful) language. I choose to believe that she’s conflating it with an apology, and simply didn’t follow her own advice.

The Neolodge is home to actual children/minors/underage people and most of the people in the incident were younger than 21. That is children.  I was getting annoyed at young non-adults. 

This is blatantly false. The Neolodge has always been a minor-free space, and there’s been discussion of upping the minimum age to 20. That Alyson herself is 30 may have skewed her perception, but as you can see in our response to this angry anon, we have always been concerned with the protection of minors & the promotion of a safe, comfortable atmosphere.

Alyson goes on to say that she had liked & trusted Hollis, and this came with no prior warning--presumably because Hollis had been polite and even friendly when she came to our board, and they hadn’t interacted much over the previous months since her exit from the discord.

So if you’re like me, and don’t put up with bullshit, and refuse to lie down and let bigotry get further footholds into western culture and be lauded for it, consider staying away from the neolodge and users like hollis and synthaphone

I still don’t quite understand how we got here, tbh. People standing up against a stark refusal to respect someone’s comfort as a Jewish person has somehow been skewed to mean they’re the bigots, and “western culture” is in danger, specifically from this gay nb & their nefarious lesbian pal, who spoke the least of anyone in the conversation.

I can’t speak to what’s going through her head right now. I don’t even know if she read the replies enough to know she was spreading misinformation about the Lodge’s age restrictions, let alone her (hopefully accidentally) drawing an obliquely antisemetic portrait of RS. I’m not even mad at her at the moment so much as confused. I genuinely don’t understand her rationale or what she thinks would motivate us to do the things she says we’ve done. I don’t think she’s a bad person, or even that her actions would be unfair if the situation were what she’s purported it to be.

But the fact of the matter is, it isn’t. She tried to start a fight seven months ago and has been hanging onto it since, convinced that she was in the right, never considering the express opinions of the people she claimed were so passionate about the show she so loathes. She’s attempting to drag Hollis’s name through the mud because they were kind enough to give her a chance to explain her side of things & she squandered it by instead parroting the talking points of the video we had all watched back in September, when she originally posted it.

She’s throwing Synth in for good measure, because they’re the only person she could be bothered to identify.

It’s not a true account of events, she made no effort to have a good-faith conversation at any point (particularly about her own behavior), and frankly it’s unfair. It’s easy to dump snippets of DMs and announce that you’re blocking anyone who disagrees with you, sure--it can even be good for you. But in this case it’s more of what we saw all those months ago in the discord, when she tried to stir the pot and left after scarcely 30 posts had gone by; it’s cowardice. It’s a way to frame the narrative in such a way that she can maintain her illusion of moral superiority, secure in the knowledge that everyone who has criticized her or her behavior is a bigot and and writes n*zi "apologia” apologia.

She’s isolating herself from the community one group at a time, and I still don’t know why, because she won’t talk to me about it. She won’t talk to any of us about anything that isn’t SU, and I don’t care about SU. I care about her & her motivations, and I’m starting to accept I’m never going to truly know either.

[rukia-kuchiki-divided]

Opinions on Deivorous?

Send Me A URL and I’ll Respond With My Opinions...

Roleplaying/Writing

My favorite muse(s) of theirs and why:

Grimmjow - the only muse on this blog

My favorite interaction/thread of theirs:

Hmm we have two so far and tbh, I love them both!

My thoughts on their unique characterization/interpretation of their muse(s):

Super well thought out and deep! We talk OOC all the time about head canons and Grimmjow’s last and they are super detailed and have reasons for everything! I love hearing the why behind their Grimmjow’s headcanons

My thoughts on their writing style as a whole:

Amazing writer although that shouldn’t be surprising since they write fanfic too.

Situation(s)/Plot(s) I’d love to see their muse(s) in:

We’re working on figuring out how a possible Grimmruki thread would work lol

Someone else I love seeing them interact with:

Honestly they are amazing and everyone should interact with them!!

Anything else I want to say about their roleplaying:

Not really lol they are amazing and Grimmjow’s past is sooo dark, I love it

If we know each other

What I Think Are Their Best Qualities:

So we don’t know each other except through discord but they are really kind and love to just chat about their muses headcanons. Equally, they listen to me work through some of mine and it’s so kind and helpful

What I Think Are Their Strengths:

Attention to detail for sure

A Memorable OOC Interaction Of Ours:

When I found out it was the next day for them already haha

Why Others Should RP With Them:

Like I said before, very sweet and kind ooc, super detailed and well thought muse!

How Others Should Approach Them:

Just shoot them a message or throw asks in their ask box

Other Roleplayers I’d Recommend To Them:

Lol anyone I roleplay with?

Anything else I want to say about them:

Not really lol

If We Have/Plan To Interact Together

A plot I’d like to write with them: grimmruki

A muse I want to introduce to them: only have Rukia

A ship/broship I’d like to propose to them: grimmruki lol

A thread with them I’m excited about: all of them honestly

Anything else I want to say: nope!

[ajora]

I never played ff5 but ngl I kind of want you to answer ALL the questions on that meme because I like hearing your thoughts about it. (and faris for the character part, because hm. yes. butch lesbian pirate. I can dig this. and your otp for the ship part, obviously.)

Oh boy, settle in because this’ll be looong.

So, for everyone else: warning: this talks about being nb/butch, a taboo ship, and spoilers for FF5.

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Toss-up between Faris and Lenna.

Least Favorite character: I don’t actually hate him because his recurring crossover character status is hilarious and he’s got great theme music, but, Gilgamesh. His final words to Faris ( 恋でもして　ちったあ　女らしくなりな | essentially: go fall in love, then you’ll become more feminine) always rubbed me wrong. The love that defines her is the love she has for Lenna, even if you don’t interpret it as romantic love, and her love should never force her to become what she’s not. 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Honestly, just Faris/Lenna. I’m chill with other people shipping other ships, but farilenna is my forever ship.

Character I find most attractive: I overrelate to Faris and Lenna is exactly my type. Gosh, but her squeak in DFFOO is adorable.

Character I would marry: I mean, I have a girlfriend I intend to marry, but Lenna would be a nice second option.

Character I would be best friends with: I’d probably get along with all of them, but realistically Butz is just the kind of no-commitment, independent friend I get along best with

a random thought: After the DFFOO event with Butz giving everything that makes him him to his dark world clone, I unironically want to redraw a SUF screenshot with someone taking Connie’s place to say that the only one who hasn’t had Steven Butz is Steven Butz. Largely because Butz shunts his personal feelings to the side to be the supportive friend and teen girl escort everyone needs.

An unpopular opinion: The GBA localization is great, but it’s not an accurate translation and sacrifices accuracy for the lulz. Which is fine!

My Canon OTP: I’mma reach and say Amano drew my otp holding each other on official art that got plastered everywhere in Japanese GBA-release media, so that totes counts as official, right? It’s the same argument the Butz/Lenna shippers used back in the day. (I even have this art in poster form)

My Non-canon OTP: Because FF5 has no actual endgame ships, obviously my otp. 

Most Badass Character: Look, Faris dove into a dragon-generated whirlpool that could have killed her to save her crew when she was 15. She fell off a cliff and crawled back up for Lenna. Faris, hands down.

Most Epic Villain: tbh the most epic villain was one who wasn’t in the game until he became an optional boss added in the GBA revamp: Enuo. He might not have been in the game’s present, but his shadow loomed large 1000 years after his death/sealing away.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Not personally a fan of shipping Butz with any of the girls, largely because he’s shaped like a friend and has been a fantastic friend to all of them, and FF5 really isn’t a romance. I’m absolutely happy to ship him with Squall in the Dissidias though. Butz/Squall is my otp for him. 

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Eh, I feel like the ending sequence for Faris could have focused less on her being a woman and more on her actual acts of courage. Courage being her whole damn thing and defining trait and all.

Favourite Friendship: Faris and Syldra. Gosh, but all the Japanese texts on them makes me mourn Syldra’s death even harder.

Character I most identify with: Faris bc butch/nonbinary reasons and huge issues with being shoehorned into one gender (male) but not really feeling it (Faris does, in Japanese at least, identify as a woman; direct translation by me: “don’t treat me like a fool because I’m a woman”) and also not wanting to 100% be compliant with femininity.

Character I wish I could be: Look, who doesn’t want to be a pirate.

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: 1997 baby. It’s been years and while I flitted out of FF5 fandom in the 2000s up til I returned now, I never stopped loving my ship

My thoughts: Yeah, the sibling incest complicates things, but also? They were separated very young, didn’t grow up together, and didn’t meet again until adulthood. There’s no actual power imbalance there. Even with respect to social status. Like, yes Lenna’s in line to be queen, but does anyone really think she’d abuse her position for anything? She adores Faris. Faris will destroy everyone in this room and then herself if anything happened to Lenna. 

What makes me happy about them: Oh, gosh, they are so good together. Also? I adore how muddled up they are together. Lenna is the Light Warrior of Water, her defining trait being conscientious kindness. Faris is the Light Warrior of Fire, her defining trait being courage. But Lenna will absolutely kill that dragon if she has to. She’ll hare off into the unknown with only a knife to find her father. She’ll trudge through poison to save that dragon she was gonna kill. Her sky dragon turns into a phoenix. She’s the spirit of Water, but everything about her screams Fire. Conversely, Faris is bonded to a sea dragon, nearly drowned twice that we know of, and over the course of the game she does become a kinder person than she was. She’s the spirit of Fire, and yeah she does have courage aplenty, but she’s so inextricably bound to water that her skills in DFFOO are water-related. 

What makes me sad about them: That they could never be together openly. Also? That modern/post-GBA fandom will absolutely shit on the ship’s fans. You’ve seen me talk in Discord about the hate I run across often enough. And it’s absolutely wild to me because I’ve been here since 1997, I’ve heard all the jokes about Faris/Lenna back then, and no one threw a fit about it like they do now. Nevar 4get the off-color FWAKs that were common back in the day. 

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Mostly just... treating the girls as Butz’s personal harem. And this is a small thing, at least. 

Things I look for in fanfic: Anything with my ship. Alternatively, anything where at least Faris isn’t straight. 

My wishlist: God I just want to talk to fellow Faris/Lenna shippers! And if I have to improve my translating-to-Japanese skills for it, I will. Also, I wanna get involved in a Faris/Lenna doujinshi someday. Or an anthology!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: their dragons

My happily ever after for them: A cottage by the sea, all regal responsibilities forgotten, with new dragon companions because theirs died over the course of the game and Highwinds must have dragons.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: Superb. Fantastic. When I was a young butch in the closet with only Oscar to look up to, Faris stormed onto the scene with all her flaws and character development and a dragon friend! and yes, I dig this. Still favorite, though Lenna unseats her ever so often. 

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Lenna. That’s it, really. World of Final Fantasy floated the idea of Quistis/Faris, but didn’t provide a lot to go on. 

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Syldra! Although I have been known to ship her with Syldra too, back in the day. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: Faris is a very, very Asian trope character, her roots being in Oscar of Rose of Versailles, Takarazuka, and East Asian legends and histories of crossdressing women. I just feel really uncomfortable when white people, especially white cis people, ignore that, ignore that she herself says that she’s a woman, and insist that she’s a trans man. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I do wish the epilogue slideshow focused more on her deeds than on her feeling uncomfortable complying with traditional femininity.

Favorite friendship for this character: Syldra!

My crossover ship: Faris and Quistis becoming friends in WoFF after Quistis challenged her to a fistfight is just so Faris that I’d love to see fics exploring that. 

[impashableimagines]

What the FUCK Arcana Fandom?

Hi everyone. I'm sorry to derail from imagines again so soon, and after only posting one yesterday, but I think there's an obvious issue in the fandom right now that needs to be addressed.

So I give you this: a plea to the fandom from a very tired 23 year old disabled bi lady who just wants to enjoy her fandom again in peace. Here we go.

Many of the members of this fandom are grown adults, but don't forget, many of them are also minors. I've seen some members as young as 14, and there may be even younger fans in the fandom here. Many of us have been on the same discord servers and have been friends for months, if not longer, and yet now we stand divided, picking sides in a situation most of us weren't around to bear witness to, with very little to no evidence beyond hearsay. We should be taking care of each other and trying to repair our fandom, not infighting and starting a goddamn fandom war.

There's been so much drama going on that I don't even know 100% of it, and after talking about it with a lot of people, I doubt anyone else in the fandom does either, even those who are at the center of it all. But this isn't about the content of that drama, or about who's right or wrong. That can wait.

This is about the anonymous hate messages being sent, and even the public, open hate. I don't know who's sending it anonymously, but at this point, I doubt it's people from either immediate side who are invested in the argument, but rather people just trying to stir up some more shit when they see callout posts or retaliation-callout posts. The people sending it publicly are also causing a problem, which also needs to be addressed, because what the fuck guys??

But this "war" of y'all's? It needs to stop. Those of us who are adults should be setting a better example for the younger fans and having civil discourse, being open and having real honest conversations, taking honest looks at ourselves when we're called out and figuring out why, correcting ourselves and doing better in the future, instead of starting wars, deliberately misgendering people we feel wronged by, and getting defensive when we feel attacked because we think we did nothing wrong. That's privilege and false caring masquerading as allyship. If you aren't correcting yourself when you misgender someone, even someone you don't like, that's not being a good ally. That's deliberate transphobic behavior, and you need to be aware of that fact when you make that choice. You can't call yourself an ally and then do something like that against a member of the community you claim to be an ally (or even are a member) of. Be kind to each other. Treat each other how you want to be treated. Follow the Golden Rule of life.

I love y'all, every single one of you, on both sides of this war, and those like me who are caught in between with friends on both sides, but we need to work on self reflection, get rid of this "aggressively violent call-out and equally aggressively violent retaliation" culture, and start being kinder to each other, or our fandom is going to devolve into being just as much of a miserable cesspool as the major fandoms, just full of anger and hate and violent words that destroys us all from within and makes us hate our own fandom, and ultimately the game it began with.

I've heard about people sending anonymous hate messages to Caspin, saying God knows what. I wasn't awake to see what was said to Caspin, and tbh, I don't particularly want to know what was said, because if it drove them to delete their blog, it had to have been fucking bad. I was so furious when I found out Caspin had been essentially run off of their blog by anonymous fuckwads throwing hate at them, and I'm still hurt by that fact.

I've also heard about people sending anonymous hate to a 15 year old fandom member who was involved in the callout situation, calling them a cunt and a r*tard, amongst other things. What the fuck, y'all. They're fucking 15. How fucking dare you.

I don't give a shit if they called your fave blogger out for saying something you don't think they deserved to be called out for. Fuck, I don't care if they're the goddamn personification of the devil himself. Calling a 15 year old a cunt and following it up with calling her a fucking ableist slur? What kind of person do you want to be: a good ally to the disabled community, or someone who uses the word r*tard as an insult against a 15 year old child? You can't do both, y'all. (I'm sorry, as a disabled person, I get fired up about this. It's fucking ridiculous I'm having to explain this to y'all.) Again, I'll repeat myself. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.

Even worse, though, I've heard about people making deliberate threats against the people involved in the callout situation, talking about wanting to harm those people or even kill them, which, in case y'all weren't aware, is a fucking felony, and written or verbal threats, even and especially those posted online, can be pursued in court, especially repetitive ones. A third time: Treat others how you want to be treated.

Grow the fuck up, Arcana fandom. This is basic human decency. Yet again: treat others how you want to be treated. It's getting repetitive, I know, but apparently a lot of people need to hear it.

I've talked with people on both sides of this so-called war, including @lesbianarcana, who has been alleged as the source of much of the drama going on. I've formed my own opinions about this issue on a middle ground using information from both sides, and if you care enough to ask me about my thoughts, I'll happily share them in a DM or in a post addressing that at a later time. But that's not what this post is about, so I'll refrain from going any deeper into it right now.

Please, Arcana fandom. We can be better. We have been better. Can we please just all try to do better? Otherwise, I'm afraid we'll lose hold of the fandom I know we all love dearly, and many of our beloved members will ultimately leave the fandom because of the drama. I don't want that for this fandom. I love it too much to watch it go to hell like this.

[not-a-feron]

Buckle up here are my thoughts on Deltarune

I’ve been seeing a lot of ppl here and videos on YouTube talking abt theories and stuff so I thought I’d make my own megapost to surmise my thoughts and my own theory on wtf is going on in this game Part of this was @brigadeinvader​ and me talking over discord and discussing the game, I don’t think either of us would’ve come up with this on our own

Timeline Placement & Stuff

As Toby stated, Deltarune is neither a sequel nor a prequel because it’s not the same world as Undertale, and this is important. You can call it an AU if you want, it’s not far from what I believe it is. However, somethig doesn’t have to be a prequel or sequel to happen before or after something else. Lemme explain.

I personaly stand for the idea that Deltarune is an alternative wolrd to Undertale, hence why the same characters are there, only different. It being an alternative world means it’s still somehow connected to Undertale. If you know anything about the multiple worlds hypothesis, then you should know Undertale and Deltarune’s timelines would run parallel to each other without interfering (they might’ve been one and the same at some point, but not anymore. And timelines cannot merge back). This still means the events of one can take place after or before the other, just in different worlds.

Not necessarily in that order, but like so. We have two dates to go by, and those are the begining narration of Undertale and Ralsei’s cut manual for Deltarune. Undertale’s is 201X, while Deltarune’s is 202X. This would normally mean Deltarune goes around a decade after. However, the date at the beginning of Undertale is not the date the events of the game take place on, but the date the Fallen Human (I’ll refer to them as Chara) ends up in the underground. The game asks us to name the human from the beginning narration, which isn’t Frisk, so we don’t know exactly how much time passed between Chara’s arrival and Frisk’s. It has to be a lot of time, though, seeing as six other humans fell down in that time and most of the monsters underground don’t remember/flat out haven’t seen the surface or the humans by the time Frisk arrives. And if we take Asriel’s transformation at face value, then enough time has passed for a Dreemurr to age from a kid to a... young man, I guess. Which is certainly more than a decade.

Arsiel being in university in Deltarune doesn’t put it after Undertale, because I’m pretty sure Asriel would also be around that age, if not older, by the time Frisk comes around if he hadn’t died.

If you don’t want to take Toby’s declaration too seriously, since he doesn’t outright say anything but Deltarune being a different world from Undertale with different characters that lived different lives; then Chapter 1 still has some evidence that points towards this. None of the characters you meet that were also in Undertale are exactly the same. Not even their sprites. Everyone has at least something different in their designs when compared to the ones seein at the ending credits of the Pacifist run in Undertale. Asgore doesn’t have a crown, Undyne doesn’t wear an eyepatch, Alphys doesn’t have her labcoat and was probably never a scientist, Mettaton never became a star, Toriel has a darker shirt underneath her purple sweater (check it, I’m serious), Bratty and Catty hate each other, and so on. Sadly we don’t get to see Papyrus, The only one who’s exactly the same is Sans.

Sans

There’s a post by @napstamuse (idk about putting links bc of tumblr’s recent algorithm, sorry) comparing all the main sprites of the characters in both Undertale and Deltarune, and Sans’ jacket is has the same color, even down to the hex value of the blue. Not only that, but his personality remains untouched. He still has some sort of attraction (I don’t mean romantic necessarily) to Toriel, still fond of puns, etc. He’s the only one of those we see that’s exactly the same in Deltarune as in Undertale.

He’s more than probably even the exact same Sans from Undertale. As in, he somehow moved from one timeline to the other, unlike the rest who aren’t the same characters per se. We all know by now Sans wasn’t from Undertale, not really. His Genocide fight convo states “I gave up trying to go back a long time ago.” and “getting to the surface doesn't really appeal anymore, either”. This means 1) he’s not from there, from Undertale’s world/timeline and 2) whatever place he’s from isn’t the surface. That’s important. Because a lot of details point towards Sans being originally from Deltarune’s world, then for some reason moving to Undertale’s sometime before Frisk arrives. But when we find him in Deltarune, what does he say?

And when you ask about “Friends”.

Meaning he also came from somewhere else. Considering Deltarune’s town is in, apparently, the surface; then it makes sense why Sans didn’t originate from there, since he didn’t come from the surface. And he knows the surface, as evidenced by him telling Papyrus what the Sun is (though that could also be bc of Alphys’ anime).

But if he doesn’t come from Deltarune’s town, and he also deosn’t come from Undertale’s world; then where does he come from?

I propose Sans is a Darkner. I don’t know if someone has already made this point in a video or post, but hear me out.

Unless Sans is from a different world altogether, then the only place in Deltarune that isn’t the surface (that we know of) is the Dark World. Not only that, but we know thanks to this infamous scene:

... that Darkners bleed.  Monsters do not bleed. Susie right there more than probably doesn’t bleed either, and yet Lancer assumes everyone in the Fun Gang does. That can only be because his species, the Darkners, all bleed. You know who else bleeds?

Sans does. And yes, I’m aware there have been ppl saying the red thing coming from him is actually ketchup from a bottle inside his jacket (which, knowing sans, wouldn’t surprise me tbh), but that wouldn’t explain why it comes out of his mouth as well. Hence it must be blood. Monsters from the underground all turn to dust upon defeat, yet Sans is the only one in the game who doesn’t. It doesn’t help the fact that we never see him die on screen and the sound effect that plays when the battle ends isn’t the one of a moster being defeated, but of one being spared. We also never really see Darkners bleed, that’s true, since they all flee from battle and you can’t kill anyone in Chapter 1; but Lancer’s bucket scene tells us that yes, blood is a thing in the Dark World that does come out of bodies when they are beaten.

There’s also another thing that might be minor, but all Darkners get tired after enough time in a battle. It’s the way you defeat the Chaos King and it’s the easiest way to spare enemies in Chapter 1. They all fall asleep. After enough time in a battle, Sans also falls asleep. It’s also the only way to defeat him in Genocide.

So Sans might be a Darkner. Why he left the Dark World (what is the Dark World) and why he then left the world of Deltarune to arrive at Undertale... we don’t know. It could have something to do with Undertale’s Gaster (or maybe Deltarune’s), but again, we don’t know. We’ll have to wait for the rest of Deltarune to come out to have more material to go on, I suppose.

Also the stuff about the “don’t forget” picture with the three smiling people on it. The song at the end credits states “don’t forget, I’m with you in the dark”, and the Fun Gang is comprised of three people. But we have no definitive evidence on that either.

More on the Timeline Placement

I personally believe Deltarune takes place before Undertale, though I suppose a better term would be “earlier” than Undertale in the split worlds. By no means whatever happens in Deltarune affects Undertale, we know that thanks to Toby’s tweet. But Sans being there means something happened that made him leave and enter Undertale, so in some ways it is before that game.

I also know there are some things that make this difficult. I still believe Deltarune comes before, but untill we see Asriel or have any definitive dates we cannot be sure as to which one is earlier in the timeline. Gerson being dead complicates things even more, unless you want to tell me monsters age slower in the underground.

Jevil & Seam

Seam’s line if you speak to him after defeating Jevil, the “darker, yet darker one”, is too specific not to be deliberate. We know Jevil spoke to someone that broke him, and we also know said someone was not the Knight. Not only that, but Jevil uses sprites way too similar to the Everyman to also be a coincidense, when using his carousel attack. We also see the Everyman in the wall of the alley Alphys is at the end of Chapter 1. So something is going on there.

Gaster

I think by now we’ve all somewhat accepted the idea that Gaster is more present in Deltarune than he is in Undertale. The same sound that plays during Entry 17 can be heard if you try to use your phone in the Dark World, and it’s also the noise that sounds near the red doors in the woods of town, only slowed down by a crap ton. The tweets before Deltarune was launched are also more than probably written by Gaster, considering the name of the account was changed to black bars and every tweet was in his text style.  During the survey part of Chapter 1 it’s also very probable the one conducting the survey is him, judging by the text style and all the weird choices (like blood types C and D, or the PAIN flavor). That is, of course, until someone else interrupts them. The text stopps being all in uppercase and the speech pattern changes, which is even more evident in the Japanese version as it starts using the correct form of speech (kanji + hiragana) instead of the weird one from before (katakana + hiragana). Coincidentally enough, the only character we know of that speaks in a textbook example of correct speech (thanks to the Japanese version of Undertale), is Chara.

And before anyone starts saying Gaster isn’t there; he is.  We just don’t know where. He has to be there, with no Core to build and no accident to happen that means the Gaster of Deltarune is 1) untouched, probably the same he was before everything went down in Undertale and 2) not a scientist, by that matter. Alphys is a teacher, so Gaster has to be around somewhere (more than probably behind the red doors south of the church, but who knows). We can say, though, that there might be more than one Gaster there. Since Undertale’s was “shattered across time and space” because of the accident, and Deltarune’s never had said accident, then both could be around during Chapter 1.

Also the game continues to crash/restart if you try to name either creator or vessel after him.

Dark World

It exists, lets get that out of the way. I highly doubt it was a dream or an hallucination or something, and there’s some evidence pointing to that. 

It is very probable, though, that it doesn just... exist. How do I even began to explain this.

It might have been created by some otherworldly power influenced by what was present in the abandoned classroom when Kris and Susie return to town. There was a chess board, chess pieces, a deck of cards, a stuffed toy that looked like Seam, etc.  But it did certainly happen. They entered the supply closet. If everything had been a dream or a game, then 1) Susie wouldn’t be surprised and confused (in the case of a game) and 2) they would still be in the supply closet by the time they return. But they were not.

Also, the pencil Kris carries changes if you defeat Jevil before coming back. Not only that, but there’s an item that carries over into your inventory from the Dark World. The egg.

If you are given the egg behind that tree by... whoever that was, it will still be in your inventory when you return to town. You can leave it in Asgore’s fridge and it will multiply, much like the Dog Residue of Undertale. What is up with the egg, we don’t know. Who even gave Kris the egg is also unknown, but for every character we don’t know we could simply answer “Gaster” so we don’t have any clues either.

Kris

Some random thoughts before I close this off.

So Kris. Great adittion to our sweater wearing protagonists, now we can call them the kfc gang.

Seriously, though, Kris. I don’t even know where to begin here.

You can still move their soul when they trap you in the cage.  I think this points to the idea that we control Kris by their soul. It’s what appears on the map when we avoid attacks and what, just like in Undertale, we take control of during battles.

It’s also Kris’ file the one we overwrite at the beginning of the Dark World. It’s pretty obvious that we are taking control over them by taking control over their soul. It might just be a bad case of silent protagonist, but Kris never reacts to anything, even when those around them are shocked. He never tries to do anything on their own, except for that one time they chose to protect either Susie or Ralsei (I don’t remember). Also the “your choices don’t matter” theme going on in Chapter 1.

Us being in control instead of them is even more evident when you try to drop the Ball of Junk once you return to town. Kris doesn’t want to, and is upset when we force them to, but they still throw it away; because they have no control over their body. They’re even relieved if you decide not to after the first question.

We can also suppose this control we haver over them isn’t a first time thing, though maybe not necessarily our control. The only objects they posses are the Ball of Junk and the cage over the red... wagon? (I forget what that is called). The rest of their side of the room is empty, as if they were afraid of having anything the ones controlling could simply toss away.

That explains perfectly why they rip their soul out at the ending of Chapter 1, though not the knife and the smile. Though that’s the most speculation in this rant. 

Anyway, congrats if you read through all that lol Feel free to add your theories/thoughts and help me correct stuff if there’s anythign contradictory in either games that could debunk anything here.

[littlemissnellie]

so here’s my right finger to how girls should behave,

‘cause sometimes what’s meant to break you makes you brave.

so...long time no see, I guess. well, it’s been like a month so kind of long time. but that’s not the point. I sat this post in my drafts for like a week and could never find the right way to start it, but to be honest, at this point I don’t think that there is a right way to start it, nor do I think that there is a right way to tackle this, or anything for that matter. sometimes you just have to jump straight in. yes, it might be scary, but you never get anywhere if you don’t try. I’ve never been the kind of person to try before; I was always too scared. 

that’s changed.

warning: do not read any more if you don’t care about personal shit or my stupidly long rants...

if you’re still here, thank you, first of all, but if we’re going to get anywhere, I’m going to have to take you back a bit...

the first half of this year was hard, I can’t put it any other way. I struggled getting from day to day, I felt miserable and I didn’t know what to do; I’d never been put in a situation like that before and as silly as it may seem, the whole prospect of being perpetually sad was pretty scary. I felt trapped; I couldn’t see things getting better, I could only see them getting worse. I spiralled and spiralled, grabbing desperately at the few hands that were kind enough to stretch out to me. I don’t know what it is about being sad, but when you’re in such a negative headspace your brain stops functioning rationally, at least it did for me, and every time these hands reached out to help me I couldn’t seem to fathom out how to grab on, and so I found myself slipping further and further until the hands disappeared and I landed on my backside with an almighty crack and a flood of tears.

I didn’t know what to do. I was led on to believe that what I was doing was okay for so long it became hard to think otherwise until I didn’t have an option not to and I was completely cut off. I couldn’t bring myself to open the tumblr app, I couldn’t even think about opening up my game and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I felt really alone and I know it sounds stupid, but it felt like I was sat at the bottom of a hole and the lights had been turned off; I had no idea where to go from there or how to get past this.

I’ve always really valued my friends but recently it has become clearer and clearer to me that I don’t seem to be a very good one myself; I’ve always believed that in times of adversity those who truly care make themselves known. I didn’t have that experience. I felt more alone than ever, but instead of letting myself crumble into the pile of dirt I felt like and sit at the bottom of that pit of despair until I adjusted to it, I mustered up what strength I had left in me, collected myself, brushed myself down and started to climb back up. if no one was there to help, I was going to do it on my own. 

now, I don’t know if you listened to the song I linked above or not, tbh I wouldn’t judge you if you didn’t, but I found that song right around the time I basically hit rock bottom and I’ve listened to it every day since. again, I know this probably sounds stupid but hearing that song changed something in me. I knew I had to change my mental state, I just couldn’t bring myself to think of where to start, but something about this song sparked something in me, a sort of courage and fight I didn’t know I still had: a fight for me and my own happiness. 

i’m a very strong believer in fate and that everything happens for a reason, so as hurt as I was, without going through it all I now know I wouldn’t have been able to come out the other side feeling stronger and better about myself than ever before. as soon as I took that first step everything started falling into place, more and more advice and motivation seemed to work its way into my life and soon those shaky, first few steps turned into eager leaps and bounds. I walked with my head held high and the confidence that had slipped from my grasp returned; I feel like I’ve climbed back out of that pit and have just kept on going, higher and higher; I’ve got a determination I’ve never had before: a determination to prove that I’m more than I ever let myself believe and I feel like I’ve finally got there. I just wish that I didn’t have to do so much damage to get here.

i logged off tumblr and avoided discord because I thought that was what was best; I felt like it was what everyone else wanted because I didn’t belong here and I thought that shutting myself away was the only thing left I could do. but the more time I spent away from my blog the more I missed it and the more I missed the community I’d tried to break into. yes, i’d probably been as successful at it as trying to pop a balloon with a spoon, but my new fighting spirit told me that I’d just been a coward and that quitting something I enjoyed because I was too worried about what others thought was ridiculous. why would I just let them win like that? 

so, for the first time I’m going to try putting myself and my own happiness first. I’m turning onto a new road and I’m keeping my eyes fixed firmly ahead; looking away will only end in a crash and oh how I crashed. but, I’m not going to let that scare me away forever; I’m getting back behind the wheel and trying again. I’m not going to compare myself to others and I’m not going to let me own negativity get me down anymore, that’s a promise; I deserve better than that, everyone does.

I determined my own self-worth on the opinions of others and it left me feeling like a piece of shit. and as the queen barrett wilbert weed herself says in the song: ‘i don’t need their good opinions, I have plenty of opinions, everybody has opinions but it doesn’t make them true, what’s true is being me.’ long-ass quote, I know, but at the end of the day, I am my own biggest priority and if I can’t even be good to myself how can I expect to be a good person for others? 

so today, at 12am on the 7th of June, marks a change. I turn 17 today and this is the year that I put myself first and unapologetically show who I am. I love sharing things on my blog and being a part of the sims community and I don’t want to let my insecurities get in the way of that anymore. 

I know I messed up the first time, but if you guys would be willing, I want to give this whole simblr thing another go, so that I can prove I’m not as shitty as I’ve no doubt made myself seem and to prove to myself that I can actually put myself out there and be a part of something where I feel like I belong. but if not, if I can’t be forgiven and this is goodbye, at least I know I can go with my head held high; I just didn’t want to leave feeling like a broken girl, not when I loved my time on here so much. I had to at least try. 

so, could this newly 17 year old, newly confident, newly happy, but same old awkward dork of a british girl possibly come back and give this another whirl?

- littlemissnellie

[tetroxy]

succmydirkubus for the thing

Send Me A URL and I’ll Respond With My Opinions...

Roleplaying/Writing

My favorite muse(s) of theirs and why:okay okay hear me out righti still fucking love daev okay (formal fae boi who is a sweetheart?? i love him)but kitten and tielo are The Shit and i also love them  (kitten whomst luc adores and is just such a fun muse to watch? and tielo that roslyn loves to hate and oxy fawns over in the most uncle way possible? i love them tielo is so good)

My favorite interaction/thread of theirs:tbh i love our discord rps (and i rly appreciate how youll put up with me talking about like a million aus because i dont think any1 else would) and i think the only one weve done on tumblr in recent times has been between lu and kitten so those,,,

My thoughts on their unique characterization/interpretation of their muse(s):okay first offi wont talk about daev because im not even sure if ur still doing him but if u are i love him oksecondi like tielo for his bouts of sort of grumpiness and then also him being this v warm character towards Oxy and his sarcastic and dont care attitude towards roslyn (their fights are awesome we should do more of them), that he has drawings of bb oxy is also hella fucking cute??? i love him hes such a sweetheartkitten is also The Shit i like how youve incorporated the canon dirk aspect with his punishment for falling and i like how these different circumstances give him a different attitude but hes still a dirk and hes a veryi dont want to say lighthearted but he makes me feel lighthearted and hes fun to interact with and his worries and doubts are just im typing this on my pc so i cant emoji this but theres an emoji to explain my reaction 

My thoughts on their writing style as a whole:I loovvvee iittt i think ur v succinct but do some really good descriptions as well, and you do not have the flaw of too much exposition (like me ur better than me is what im sayin)

Situation(s)/Plot(s) I’d love to see their muse(s) in:i have,, a few plots id like to do w kitten and tielo but none that are fully formed enough just yet so idk well see 

Someone else I love seeing them interact with:you and i forgot their url but the aradia blog those are good

Anything else I want to say about their roleplaying:u are so much better than u think

If We Know Each Other

What I Think Are Their Best Qualities:@ all

What I Think Are Their Strengths:cym comes up with some pretty awesome plots and au ideas so creativity for surehes also just funny cym is funny

A Memorable OOC Interaction Of Ours:the bible

Why Others Should RP With Them:because cym is a sweetheart who 

How Others Should Approach Them:listeni know nothing about approaching peoppledont ask me this

Other Roleplayers I’d Recommend To Them:@ everyone

Anything else I want to say about them:i can spell

[derangedroyalfae]

January 31, 2019 10:35PM

Royal (1:25 PM) I got some personal lyrics written today...

I suppose when it’s very genuine and personal, they are so easy and fast to write

I got the full song written, 2 verses, chorus, bridge, and even an outro

I’m usually not very good with bridges, but I like this one

Jewel (8:52 PM): Lyrics are good though

Royal (8:52 PM): Thanks...

On the bright side, even if it feels like I’m having a hard time getting along with him, at least he’s having fun with his metamours and whatnot

Jewel (8:55 PM): Oh, I actually hadn't guessed who it was about but now I got it

Cuz I assumed it was a character and not a real life person

Royal (8:55 PM): You’re literally the only one I’ve shared this with who I personally know, by the way

I haven’t shown/told Hummingbird or Kitty yet

To be fair, the lyrics did just come in today on my bus ride home and then everything else just kinda been floating on by

Jewel (8:57 PM): Oh, wow

Do you plan to show it to them?

Royal (8:58 PM): Maybe. Just cuz as special others, you should want to know what’s going on, what’s troubling you, etc

To be honest, you remember that night I was really struggling?

I was telling you how I wasn’t sure I should tell them about how I was feeling toward him

Well, on the ride home, I opened up and confessed to Kitty. I just couldn’t hold it in

But I’m glad I did

I really need to talk to at least one of them about what’s going on else it just seems like it’s out of nowhere when it resurfaces and like it’s not a reoccurring thing

It was unbiased toward him and not about her own personal feelings, just focusing on how I was and wanting to comfort me

So I know that it’s not a problem of bias when it comes to opening up to them, I know that they are good metamours

They’re very good listeners, it’s much easier talking to them than it is Nurd half the time

He tries to help too much, but sometimes I’m not looking for a solution...he’s also a debater, and that doesn’t help either

And by help too much, I mean in every way possible, everywhere or anyone

It’s concerning, cuz I don’t want him to get hurt or swindled. But it’s also rude to a certain extent and invasive, not everyone wants some stranger eavesdropping. And employees can NOT let customers help (which he seems to forget so he’ll just keep insisting).

Jewel (9:06 PM): Wait, as in, he tries to help out even at work and when you're having a conversation that doesn't involve him?

Royal (9:07 PM): Random strangers, he’ll offer help/advice if he overheard or witnessed problems

Employees at stores moving certain things, he’ll offer to lend a hand (they legally can’t accept his help)

I suppose, it could partly be a cis male thing, being unafraid of the consequences and putting yourself out there

Assigned females are raised to keep your head down and to yourself, drawing attention is your fault and could get you raped or hurt

Jewel (9:09 PM): I guess at least in the employees case, worst outcome is he'll get turned down

And it might even make them feel glad someone even wants to help

Royal (9:09 PM): Yeah, be he insists and so it gets annoying to them

Jewel (9:09 PM): Oh

Royal (9:11 PM): Most topics I like (yandere, lgbt, feminist, etc) are things he seems to hate and is annoyed by, or at least it feels like it half the time

I know it’s probably not most, but it feels like he’s so annoyed with what I have to say

What I want to talk about...

And it’s almost mutual

Like, I don’t really wanna hear about half the crap he talks about either

Jewel (9:12 PM): But what did you used to talk about?

Royal (9:12 PM): He needs friends

Before dating?

Or when we started dating

Or both

Jewel (9:13 PM): Before, after, any time you remember having a conversation you found engaging or spending time with him you enjoyed

Royal (9:14 PM): I used to mainly talk about my stories, he was a lore hound and ate it up (well, he never said he enjoyed it, just likes listening to or feels inclined to listen to stories whether or not he likes the story)

We were also a friend group, so we’d be in group conversations

Especially over nerdy stuff

They’d usually play video games together on their computers and I’d be doing my thing on my computer

But for the time spent together as a couple: we’d watch a lot of movies together, be sexual, or nap...not that much talking persay

I feel weird thinking about this

I also started meds right after we started dating

I think the worse thing is, though, Jewel, is that I’m transitioning

I’m blossoming, I’m being me, but I can’t do that in front of him

I’m invalidating myself by being with him

Invalidating doesn’t even scratch the surface

Jewel (9:19 PM): I understand. Relate to that too, very much.

Royal (9:19 PM): I don’t even like saying that I’m wearing a packer or talk about them around him cuz I feel him cringe from it

He literally flinched when I jokingly told Cat I was trying to grow a penis

And then talked to me about it later, starting with, “how far are you trying to go?” I can’t remember if he meant it in general or with just HRT. I think it was with HRT

To which I reminded him that he’s known from the beginning

Jewel (9:21 PM): It seems to me rather that he's been in denial and can't be anymore

Royal (9:21 PM): But he brought up my joke of growing a dick when asking

And when I reminded him, he is just like “I know”

It’s almost unpleasant to be around him anymore (not just because of the transition thing, this relates back to everything else)

And when I’m at Hummingbird and Kitty’s it almost feels like I can’t be with them if he’s there, like, I have to prioritize him cuz he’s to homophobic/transphobic to be in a cuddle pile with them

But he’d never see it that way

He’d never see himself as transphobic

I’m wouldn’t even ask him to touch them in anyway, I’d be between him and them, but it feels like that’d be something that’d make him ungodly uncomfortable

Not because they’re my lovers, but because they were born with a Y chromosome

Jewel (9:26 PM): Like if they were cis he'd be totally fine with it?

Royal (9:27 PM): Cis women? Yes

Not even post-op trans

Doesn’t matter if the dick isn’t there anymore

He said it himself - “socially I see them as women, sexually I see them as men”

Because of facial features, arm muscles, fat distribution

Jewel (9:29 PM): Oh gawd

I couldn't help but cringe at that

Royal (9:29 PM): Bullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshit

Do you realize how much more worse it makes me feel to hear people say that?

Do you realize that it’s nothing I haven’t thought already

Because it just makes me wanna vomit or cry repeating it

I feel like screaming

Jewel (9:30 PM): Wait that "you" is him, right, just clarifying

I got confused for a moment thinking you meant me

Royal (9:31 PM): No, you, Kitty, Hummingbird

“That’s cringe”

Jewel (9:31 PM): Ohhh

Royal (9:31 PM): “That’s insulting”

“That’s wrong”

I’ve felt that way, if not worse

I usually respond with “how do you think I feel?”

Jewel (9:32 PM): No, I understand, and I'm not implying otherwise

Royal (9:32 PM): “I’m in love with him, and I almost find myself hating me for that”

No, I know

But it reminds me that I’m sickened

It makes me feel like there’s something wrong that I’m with him

But then it does feel that’s the case when I look at the fact that I’m transitioning

But it makes me angry that he’d give me a chance but not someone else

Because he’s always just seen me as a girl, hasn’t he?

Jewel (9:34 PM): Did you ever ask him what he intends to do or why he's been with you? I can understand if it's hard and you haven't.

Royal (9:34 PM): Of course

He just plans on masturbating

I’m not losing anything when it comes to not having sex with him, I can live with that, but bullshit that he’d be content with that

And he doesn’t want to go find himself another partner

He only wants me, he’s said

I want someone to love him for the things I can’t

For someone to care about him and be there for him when I can’t or won’t

Jewel (9:37 PM): What does he do when he's not around you?

Royal (9:37 PM): In terms of sex?

Jewel (9:37 PM): You said he needs friends

So it seems like he doesn't socialize much?

Royal (9:38 PM): He sits in his room either playing video games or watching Netflix

I don’t think he really messages his Bay Area friends on a normal basis, and his Discord DnD group sounds to be falling apart

But I think he needs physical people in his life too

People he can chill with

So I’m glad he’s been joining game night and whatnot, I feel like telling the guys that if they really get along with him, invite him out for other things etc

I think going back to school would help too

I know I felt lost in the cosmos without school

Cuz then he can make friends and a community there too

He does work right now, but working isn’t a social life. He’s not hanging out with his coworkers outside of work, so I don’t think it counts

Jewel (9:45 PM): Yeah, school does help

Is he not planning to go back to school?

Royal (9:47 PM): He is and was

But we got his stuff in too late this semester

It’s better to start in fall anyway

But I was so annoyed with the process and how he practically needed me to hold his hand for almost all of it and screwed up and got himself incredibly confused and was working on it for like over a year when it took me like a week or two

I was racking my brain over how he was struggling so much

Like, he seems to be so much smarter and whatnot than me

Jewel (9:51 PM): What was he struggling with exactly?

Royal (9:52 PM): Tbh, I was confused and he seemed misinformed

Like, he believed he couldn’t give his transcript until such-and-such was done, and the he could make this-and-that appointment or whatever until whatnot

Etc

It was just ??????????

He also mailed his transcript to himself instead of directly to the school, so I made him do it again but to the school since you get 3 free transcripts

So use up 2/3 but he won’t need the third hopefully, and even then, it’s like $5-$15 for one anyway

Jewel (9:55 PM): Wow, seems to me he has a tendency to think things are more complicated than they are?

Royal (9:55 PM): He over thinks things

And he’s super paranoid

You know about him and online shopping, right?

(And most things that involve him using his card)

Royal (10:05 PM): It’s interesting how part of the convo (before getting into the money thing) was some references to the song I wrote

Like, the whole thing with me beginning to feel like we both don’t care about the other’s interests atm “You looked so annoyed again today

I messed up once more

I guess it mutual, by the way

It all feels like such a bore”

“And now it’s like whatever it is I say

I say it wrong”

Me and transitioning and how I keep that suppressed around him “I’ve limited who I am

When it’s next to you that I stand

It starts to feel so fake

When it’s truly me that you can’t take”

Him not wanting to be sexual with a trans person but wanting me to be his only partner ”You love me, maybe still want me, never want to leave me”

It’s almost like we’re going through the song and analyzing it, maybe just not in order

Jewel (10:13 PM): Yeah

Also, I know this is all really hard on you and you of course still love and care for him, but it's good you're thinking about it and not avoiding it. And I'm glad I can be there for you about it in whatever small way I can.

Royal (10:14 PM): By “thinking about it,” you mean the transition thing?

Or do you just mean me struggling to connect with him at all nowadays

Like I’m not just throwing it in a closet and forgetting about it until it festers and boils

Jewel (10:26 PM): I mean about him

Yeah, that second thing, basically

Royal (10:29 PM): thanks, by the way

[dspre]

appuru-pi replied to your post: Me vagueing everyone who’s ever said nice things...

Ah I can’t believe I didn’t see this until now. First, I really want to apologize on behalf of that person on ff.net that commented on everyone else’s work but yours. It seems terribly exclusive and I can’t fathom any reason for that kind behavior. 

You know, I didn’t actually notice until literally right now that that was weird. I don’t know what I assumed at the time-- they hadn’t seen it? Not likely; they saw everything else, and it was front and center. They hated it? That’s probably what I thought before, but now I'm not so sure; they commented on other stories that ranged the entire spectrum of writing quality and style. Now I’m even more confused. 

All content creators should be valued, ESPECIALLY writers because they never EVER get enough credit for the backbreaking work that they do. So I’m sorry, and also thank you for being a content creator.

Second, I want to apologize for not being there. I know I did read some of your work and we did talk a lot about it in chat but I never posted a public comment. 

No, you came later. I stopped writing way before I took it down. 

And I don’t care if it’s public. It’s nice for publicity and all, but ? I mean, as long as I know about it, it means just as much to me? (Obviously it wouldn’t do any good to talk about it where I can’t see or hear it, but that’s not what you did, or at least not all you did.) 

I could say all I want that it was because I was new and was intimidated by you, 

omg Koko how I am such a dork 

but in the end I overlooked an important part of the fandom life, which is not telling the creator what I liked or disliked about their work and that I was excited to read more. It’s hard to get noticed, and I feel that writers know that the best.

Oh yes, we do. But again, you did tell me. You were just too late, though through no fault of your own. 

It’s probably waaaay too late to say anything now, 

It’s not. 

but I really did enjoy AGP. Even now when I see posts about it littered here and there, I get intrigued all over again (like the genetics post! It was fun to see the mechanics of someone else’s world and tbh the thought you’ve put into yours is what spurred me to start developing my own.) 

omg Koko how yours are so fancy and sciencey and cool and mine are just *plops gooey mass of brains onto keyboard* 

(...did you see the telepathy one) 

I admit I don’t usually comment things on fics and stuff.. and actually it’s been hard to reach out to talk to ANYONE in the fandom at all– 

ikr I don’t even know how to start a conversation one on one (and every time I go in the Discord I be stupid and search my name and then I exit the Discord) 

– but I’m fortunate because being here has gotten me out of my own shell enough to say all of this to you, and to promise you that I’ll be a more active reader because you and AGP deserve it. Anyway, I’m sorry for invading your post! I hope you feel better about AGP and about writing, and I hope that I can become more and more involved in the fandom and overcome my passiveness. 

I haven’t been seeing passive, mx takes-requests-ever-other-day-and-posts-cool-headcanons/mechanics-on-the-rest-and-comments-on-everybody’s-stuff-all-the-time (I woULDN’T MIND IF YOU DID MORE I’m just not sure,, how,,,).