#Taylor walking through something similar would look different I believe

[itspileofgoodthings]

How do you feel about happiness? The Taylor song from evermore, not the concept (though I’m sure you have interesting ideas there too, haha). I struggle with it because it feels like such a ‘divorce’ song that it just… makes me feel really upset, lol. I don’t get any of the ‘sweet’ in the ‘bittersweet’ that others tell me they get from it. It reminds me of Noah Baumbach’s Marriage Story in that way, which I seem to remember you had some umbrage with? Anyway maybe I’m leading too much with this question now and you have totally different thoughts— super curious to hear them!

oh I love happiness! (both the Taylor song and the concept haha.) It is very sad so I get why it’s upsetting to you, but for me it’s full of such real human grief and love and there are so many lines that just cut so deep.

and in the disbelief I can’t face reinvention, I haven’t met the new me yet. after giving you the best I had tell me what to give after that. all you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness. no one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him too. honey when I’m above the trees I see this for what it is.

and of course the main hook—there’ll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you. so simple, so true!! the way happiness does not and cannot be contained to one person and yet also, in another sense, the way that it IS. as the song says, both of these things can be true!

[lyrenminth]

LSU Joe

You are friends with Joe and fall in love with him. Now it’s time to confess your feelings.

***

You and Joe meet through friends in common. In the beginning, you thought he was insufferable, student-athletes were a weird thing, usually with big egos. You have to spend fifty minutes in the same room as Joe to realize he was similar. Quite popular, and confident with himself, ignoring all the girls' attempts to catch his attention. Your friend, Justin, made the presentation. You only said hi and raised your eyebrows toward him. You felt envy when you realized how clear was his skin, how tall and good-looking he was. That's why everyone was surrounding him like moths searching for light. You didn't talk so much. Firstly, because his presence was intimidating. Secondly, you didn't know what to say, so you stayed with your friends. After the party, you met a couple of times in different scenarios and started talking more and more, you discovered he was really goofy, owned a collection of funky shirts, and was invested in conspiracies and all things related to the space. You introduced him to Taylor Swift and Asian media of which you were a big fan. You were glad he was curious about your interests and tried to watch some movies together, but he always fell asleep. You were glad he trust you enough to let you know about his personal life. Joe had a very busy and public life at LSU, when people, especially girls hear about you they would approach you and act friendly to be closer to him. Trying to get info about what he wanted, what type of girls he liked, and more. You didn't mind at the beginning but eventually started to bother you more and more. There were two reasons behind this, you couldn't tolerate fake behavior and you were in love with Joe. The second caught you by surprise. You were his friend, you spend time together as friends. And Joe didn't like you, not romantically. You didn't want to fall for him, his lifestyle was complicated and that made you conscious about yourself. So you did your best to act normal, trying to limit your encounters until your feelings dissipated. Joe, with his smart-ass, noticed the change quickly. "What's up?" he intercepted you after a class, still wearing his training clothes. You took off your earphones, raising your eyebrows. His blue eyes were scanning your face. When he wanted, Joe had the fieriest and most intense eye contact. "Nothing," you said, feeling your pulse rush when he got closer and started walking next to you "Did you finish your practice?" "Yeah, as good as usual," he said "Are you mad at me?" The abrupt question caught you off guard. "No, no, what makes you think that?" "You don't talk to me like you used to, you kinda ignore me" he shrugged like a little kid. "I don't" he gave you a glare that made you change your words "I have been busy, you know" "I know, but we spend time together anyways" You bite your lip, not knowing what to say. You felt the urge to confess your feelings right there, but you weren't ready for the rejection. "Sorry, Joey, I didn't know you pay attention to that" you mumble, shrugging. Trying your best to keep it cool. He frowned, looking down at you. "Seriously, what's wrong?" he stopped walking, and so do you "It has been almost a month, and you are not going to the games either. Did Justin say something?" "No, what he could...?" "I like to spend time with you, I enjoy your company, you are the only one who treats me like a human among these people, and suddenly you stop talking to me and acting all weird" "I say sorry, Joe!" He squinted, not believing what you were saying. He knew you so well. You lost it because it didn't matter, after that rejection you could move on, but at least your feelings were released and free from your chest. At least you could sleep better knowing the damn truth. You were going crazy trying to find excuses every time. The better option was to confess "What you wanted me to say? That I am in love with you and that's why I cannot stand to be around you without dreaming to kiss you or...whatever" you covered your face with your hands, feeling vulnerable and extremely stupid. Falling in love with Joe Burrow was stupid. You knew better. His silence made things worse. You needed to keep your cool before everyone started paying attention. You felt his hands touch yours, keeping them away from your face. You stared at the ground, ashamed of your reaction. "Is that true?" he said, sounding happy. You nodded, confused. You looked up when you hear him chuckle. "What a fucking relief, well, we are on the same team baby" he confessed, letting out a sigh of relief. "What?" you muttered. "I am better pretending though," he said, reaching for your hand. He gave you a full smile. "Do you like me too?" you asked like an idiot. "Yeah" "What? Since when? why?" your mind couldn't stop asking questions your mouth was happy to share. You looked at your hands holding each other. "Can we kiss now?" he joked. You gave him a friendly push. "Are you serious?" He squeezed your hand. "Do you want me to prove how serious I am?" the playful tone in his voice made your heart run faster. "In private, please"

[foxes-that-run]

Walking in the wind

Harry Styles has a gift for answering a question and not answering it at all at once. In the Made in the A.M track by track he said WITW was inspired by Paul Simon’s song Graceland.

I love how Harry's solo work draws modern inspiration from his diverse music tastes and he encourages his fans to broaden their tastes. Hindsight being 20/20 you can see where he went with his debut in that short video and this song.

When Simon wrote Graceland he and Carrie Fisher were divorcing and his relationship with Art Garfunkel was bitter. Simon said Graceland was a metaphor for the journey to mend a broken heart. Much like 2015 Harry who had broken up with Taylor and was on tour as One Direction ended. Simon also went to Africa to make this album, much like Harry went to South America for debut.

Timeline

Made on the AM was written in Japan in February 2015. Harry talked being able to just write 'good songs' because it wouldn’t be toured which made space for a song like this. WITW was probably written between February and May 2015. Harry and Taylor had been close at the end of 2014, it was over on or by his 21st birthday 2 February 2015. His smile when he saw her at the start (0:29) of BBMAs showed no animosity, but it’s unlikely WITW was written after the BBMAs in May (Woman). He also started looking even sadder live then.

To rolling stone Julian Bunetta said:

“That title was born in Japan. Just the title of it and the idea of it. Everyone’s different experiences of what they’re going through, whether it’s this or that, I’d like to think that these songs can apply to more than just [one instance].”

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Harry] A week ago, you said to me "Do you believe I'll never be too far?" If you're lost, just look for me You'll find me in the region of the summer stars The fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye Means we've already won A necessity for apologies between you and me Baby, there is none

The relaxed and happy tone depicts their romantic friendship that continues. I think they genuinely cared for each other, are nice people who both prioritised their careers. To me, “the fact we can say goodbye means we’ve already won” shows that mutual respect for each other.

To me “Do you believe I’ll never be too far” is agreeing to be apart while they focus on being massively famous and together in the future.

In the context of their later work about being end game, the 1, sushi is about having only a piece of your persons life, in as it was and golden he sings about it being time or feel her taking over.

Harry does not have anyone that would never be too far in a literal sense, and although at that time he was always with 1D they have spoken in interviews that year of that not being good.

[Pre-Chorus: Niall] Ah-ooh, we had some good times, didn't we? Ah-ooh, we had some good tricks up our sleeve Ah-ooh, goodbyes are bittersweet But it's not the end, I'll see your face again

Taylor has a similar lyric in The 1 “But we were something, don't you think so? / Roaring 20s, / tossing pennies in the pool / And if my wishes came true / It would've been you” this is about appreciating the relationship.

[Chorus: All] And you will find me Yeah, you will find me In places that we've never been For reasons we don't understand Walking in the wind Walking in the wind

Where their earlier work on Red and other 1D albums sung about always wanting to be together and coping in their career by Made in the AM and Reputation onwards they started singing about being connected but apart, on faith they’d come back together.

[Verse 2: Louis] Yesterday, I went out To celebrate the birthday of a friend But as we raised our glasses up to make a toast I realised you were missing

This may be referring to the friends birthday where they both were. Harry’s 21st birthday was 2 weeks later but Lily and Taylor were in Nashville. In Hunger he sang about making her cry on his birthday, if it was for Debut the 1 year to 2 timeframe line up for that. (Hunger also sings of “your stuff” as in music, doesn’t taste the same, as in Two Ghosts)

Later on 27 February he posted the overgrown winding wheel and she started dating CH.

[Bridge: Harry] And I know we'll be alright, child Just close your eyes and see I'll be by your side Any time you're needing me Oh, yeah

The bridge is similar to Fine Line, which also ends on “we’ll be alright” in Fine line he’s reflecting on being friends with someone he’s in love with. Here he is asking his muse to have faith that although they are not together he’s there for her. Also Sign of the Times "Just stop your crying / It'll be alright"

I just wanna love you leak

In September 2023 a leaked song, I just wanna love you referenced WITW with “A week ago you said to me: "We've started running out of time" / Crying over memories that we lost and cannot be found / Why don't we stop talking now? / (I just wanna love you)” which to me, in the sound and this lyric is the sequel to WITW, he’s saying it’s time. It also refers to Late night talking, and The 1 and Question…? Where they explore friendship with someone they love, in WITW they seem to agree to leave a live unresolved, on Harry’s House and Midnights they are contemplating that unresolved love.

[killiansprincss]

Timeless - a new Captain Swan AU

Timeless: When Zelenas time portal works, Henry wakes up alone in Storybrooke and must travel to the Enchanted Forest to get his family back. Only once he gets there he quickly realises its not like the one in his book, theres no Evil Queen and his mother Emma wasn't put through a wardrobe, theres a poster inviting the entire kingdom to her engagement ball, to Hook. What will happen once Henry gets them to break this new curse and get their memories back?

For all the Swifites and those who love her music, every chapter in this will be based on a different Taylor Swift song! This fic has been so much fun to write and I truly hope you enjoy it as much as I do and let me know if you would like to be tagged when I post a new chapter!

Link to AO3

____

'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this

So, even in a different life, you still would've been mine

We would've been timeless

Storybrooke circa 2013

It was a Thursday afternoon in Winter, for Henry that usually meant going to Central Park to go ice skating with some friends from school, and if he was lucky his mom would let him order a Pizza if he was home alone and get to the next level of his favourite video game. That was what life was meant to be like, for Henry Swan who lived with his single mother. Except that’s not who he was anymore. That was a false life. 

He wasn’t Henry Swan, he was Henry Mills who lived in a town filled with Storybook Characters. Henry’s grandparents were Snow White and Prince Charming, his other grandfather was Rumplestilskin, his adoptive mother was the Evil queen, and his biological mother was something called ‘The Saviour’. And as crazy as it was, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Except from just having woken up from the false life, he quickly realised he wouldn’t be able to just settle back into his similar routine as before, because his aunt was planning on enacting another curse to give her a happy ending by re-doing her life. Whilst he was confident that his family would win this and it wouldn’t happen, a part of him did wonder if she succeeded and had a redo on her life- what would happen to the town?

 He wanted to go with them, help save the Town, but of course he was told “you’re too young” or “you could get hurt” so he was left at the hospital with zero responsibility trying to console his grandma who had just had her baby taken away from her.  A baby that was his uncle, another strange quirk about this life.

He walks over to the vending machine to get a soda when the lights start to flicker. He rolls his eyes, thinking it just means the magic is acting up, his family is busy saving the day without him, as usual. He puts 2 quarters in the machine and presses B6, giving him a Mountain Dew, so he grabs it and takes a sip when the lights start to flicker again. He rolls his eyes again and walks back to the room where his grandma is crying. 

The lights in the room flicker more and more until the bulbs burst completely. Snow screams and Henry ducks under the table, he looks out the window and sees an orange fog coming towards them rapidly. 

“The curse! It’s here!” Leroy shouts from outside, Snow begins to cry more and more. 

No. Surely no. They failed? But heroes always win.

Everyone in the hospital is either crying or screaming. 

What was going to happen?

__________

Opening his eyes, and slowly regaining his senses, Henry can hear the soft hum coming from the heaters in the hospital. He opens his eyes fully and realises he’d been knocked to the ground and his head was thumping hard.

As he got up, he looked around and there was no sign of his grandma. He walks out of the room and into the hospital corridor and again, nobody was there. He takes his cell out of his pocket and dials his mom,

“Hey it’s Emma, leave a message.”

He tries his other mom. It rings and rings, and then nothing. 

He tries his grandpa even.

“The number you have called is currently unavailable.”

Where was everyone?

“Hello? Hello?” He calls out, but nobody is around. 

Henry walks around for a while until he comes to the conclusion that he is in fact, alone in Storybrooke. Whilst some teenagers would find this heaven on earth, being surrounded by no adults, free to do what he likes, Henry had a very different reaction.

Zelena’s time portal. 

The orange smoke.

The curse. 

It’s all coming back. His family somehow failed and now they were gone. No they couldn’t be gone, Henry was still here, his existence would be wiped out if they weren’t still out there. 

________

________

The Enchanted Forest (sort of)

‘Queen Snow and King David invite all the kingdom of Misthaven to the ball this coming Saturday to celebrate the engagement of their daughter, Princess Emma, to Captain Killian Jones’

The invitation was sent to everybody in their kingdom, whether they were noble or not. There were banners and posters all over the kingdom announcing the engagement. The story of Snow White and her Prince Charming was beloved by the kingdom and showed that even a commoner can marry royalty, including their daughter.

“I’m so excited!”

“Princess Emma is going to make a beautiful bride!”

“I heard he was pirate! A pirate marrying a princess! Can you believe it?” 

The kingdom was so excited, not many kingdoms allow commoners to attend the balls, only royalty or noblemen and women. The kingdom loved the royal family, and always wondered who would win the heart of the crown princess and it ended up being a pirate, which the kingdom did not see coming. Their wedding was just a few months away and the ball was the chance to see the happy couple together before the wedding.

____

In the Western Kingdom of the Enchanted Forest

���My dear Zelena, your magic has come so far. I believe you’re almost ready.” Queen Cora tells her daughter.

Princess Zelena had been training with the Dark One for years now, he was the most equipped in Dark Magic and had taught her mother when she was first married to Zelena step father.

“Rumplestilskin says I’ll be powerful enough to cast his curse any day now.” Zelena had a perfect life, a mother who loved her and believed in her power, and a mentor who trusted her with his life’s mission, and saw great things in her future.

_____

 Many years ago…. 

Being a pregnant woman who was unmarried was an awful fate. Especially for a miller's daughter who would amount to nothing in life.

‘Prince’ Jonathan. His child. When she didn’t bleed for a month she knew what that meant. It was his baby, but he was no more royalty than she was. What hope was there for her and her child?

But then fate showed her another way. Prince Leopold and his fiancée Eva. The girl was much younger than she was, and Cora thought she would be a bratty young girl. She was so wrong. Cora had never met a kinder soul.

Leopold found her on the road after Jonathan had abandoned her and took her into his castle. She was weak, and they nursed her back to health.

“Are you all right?” Eva stayed at her bedside while she regained her strength. 

“I-I think so. I can’t thank you enough for your kindness.” 

Eva smiles at Cora. “The healers say you’re with child. What is that like? I can’t wait until the day I get to be a mother.”

The girl was so young, Cora couldn’t imagine her being a mother. But then again, she was a princess, and a soon to be husband who would support her. “It’s exciting that there is life growing inside of me, but it’s also scary. I am doing this on my own and I have no idea how I will be able to support myself or my child.” 

“I have a cousin who is King in the Western Kingdom of Ashbourne. His daughter is a mere 13 but she needs a lady in waiting that will sort her out so she does not turn into such a young madam. They pay well and will help you with your pregnancy, and after you give birth, will be able to see your baby all the time. I will tell them you were engaged to a nobleman who died in battle, you will not be judged for being unmarried and they will care for you.” 

Cora couldn’t believe her ears. This princess, she didn’t know her or her story, why was she so eager to help? “Why me?”

“My mother taught me to be kind to everyone. When Leopold said he found you on the road and in pain, my heart soared.” 

__

And so Cora, no longer the miller's daughter, became a lady in waiting for Princess Charlotte.

Lady Cora. 

7 months later she gave birth to a baby girl. Zelena. The name of a goddess. And she was going to treat her like the goddess she was. 

Princess Charlotte was a handful. A brat at times but she was kind and had a huge heart. There was also the fact her older brother Henry would often come keep an eye on her.

Of course, the King would never accept his daughter's  lady in waiting to marry his son. Whilst Henry was only third in line for the throne, his father only wanted the best for his children in marriage. There was also the fact she was a mother already, the worry would she be able to give Henry a legitimate child of his own?

And so Cora told them a lie. She told them she could spin straw into gold and that is where she met the infamous Rumplestiltskin.

[gyubby99]

@disneyanddisneyships ok so-

MALAPONI = REPUTATION AND LOVER

Okay let's discuss this.

Aponi = Lover

It might be a shock considering her edits, her songs, her fics of revenge, but she IS lover. She EMBODIES lover. Here's why I think Aponi is Lover.

First of all, she is the overlord of WHAT?? Love. Ofcourse Lover is a happy song! Lover is so happy, right?

No. If you look at the songs on the album, it is considered one of the saddest albums by swifties. We have songs like the archer, death by a thousand cuts, afterglow, SOON YOU'LL GET BETTER!!

I think the emotions each song represents, can all be found in Aponi. The anxiety of afterglow, wanting your lover to love you even if you lose your mind, even if you make mistakes, even if you sometimes cause them pain. The scathingly beautiful pain of death by a thousand cuts, the calm golden love of daylight, the sassyness of I Forgot That You Existed, the frustration of The Man, the beauty of Lover, and many many more songs. They all scream one name and that is Aponi Wings.

First off, Lover is more of a sunlit album. An album of love.

"But why are there songs about anxiety and breakups and cancer? If it's all about love?"

Well, it's to show that love isn't always all pink and happy and rainbows and sunshine, which most overlords and demons think about Aponi. That she is HARMLESS. Would never hurt a fly because she is the overlord of Love. Love comes with different things, different emotions. With love, there can be pain, frustration, anger, anxiety, agony even. We should not underestimate what love can do, and we should definitely not think of aponi as weaker than mal just because I in my very own opinion think that Aponi is Lover. A common misconception is that love is weakness, when in reality, it is one of the most powerful forces in the world. Without love, what would happen to the world?

The album Lover expresses the things that come with love aside from being happy. It also expresses something like self-hatred, abandonment issues, and overthinking which Aponi seems to have. Aponi, while being the overlord of love, can also go for blood. Aponi is flawed as well as love can sometimes be, and that is okay!

(Side note that she would fr marry alastor with paper rings)

Aponi to me is a woman that loves, but also knows better. She can love, but she also knows when to stop loving, and when to stand up for yourself. That makes her one of a kind in hell. She is what hell needs. Sure, it doesn't have songs like "dear john" or anything about sa but it has the gut-wrenching feeling like in the lyric "my heart, my hips, my body, my love. Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch." From death by a thousand cuts. It's not the exact story but the spite, the hurt, the pain is similar.

Let's not forget that Aponi is popular in all the right ways! She is so nice and believes anyone can change for the good and that those who can does not deserve hell and deserves a second chance! She doesn't care what you did in the past, except if they're unforgivable.

And the fact that she takes care of her dancers at a club, her performers comfyness is her first priority, their equal pay, like she takes good care of them. Like, she is radiating this kinda glow that if you're a moth next to it you wouldn't be burned. Like she has a flame that wouldn't kill you but warm you. Like a safe place.. the feeling of a fireplace after walking through a snowstorm for hours.

Aponi as Lover makes total sense and I absolutely stand by my opinion.

Now let's move on to my daughter being REPUTATION.

MAL.

Reputation.. what comes in your mind first when you hear me say "Reputation album by Taylor Swift"?

Hm..

Could it possibly be.. a revenge album full of snakes? A clapback from the hate? A totally badass and fierce album?

Well, from the aesthetic, I can see why you thought of that. All black and white, snakes everywhere, angry songs..

But Mal.. what makes Mal reputation-coded?

Look, on the outside, it's a revenge album. Hell- even the cover is like some dark, badass, angry, out-to-kill vibe. (Who has those same vibes? Right.)

Look at the songs, though!

..Ready for it? End Game Delicate Don't blame me Gorgeous King of my heart Dancing with our hands tied Dress Call it what you want New year's day

Half the album = love songs

Okay maybe rep isn't that scary at all if you really listen and know the album. You know those swiftie videos of "what reputation actually looks like" and it's all photos of Taylor smiling widely on her tour, interacting with fans, looking into the crowd with that glint in her eyes.. just her being happy.

I think that this resonates with Mal, because I think she was fairly well-feared in hell, (especially venice) and while she likes it, she revels in other demons' misery, there's more to it than that.

I'd like to think she was meant to be a lover, but HAD to be a fighter. She was a really nice person who would never wish upon anyone what current Mal wishes on other demons and mortal humans themselves. Ofcourse she was a little mischevious and a troublemaker in her own way, and still is! She now realized she can be both, though.

Most people either hates mal or fears her. All they know about her is that she is two sides of the same coin when it comes to her promises and deal making. She's a trickster, an overlord out for blood in her hands taking on more than she can chew. She lives for the thrill of hell and how one big of a circus it is, and how much fun it is compared to the tight rules of heaven. It feels like she truly belonged here and the gods have decided that fate on her. She feels like this was meant for her. To bring bad luck was something she detested but at the same time was something she half-fully owned.

But I did say the same coin has two sides.

If you're someone like aponi, vox, anyone close to her, you'd know there's WAY more to it than a woman who likes being a literal gremlin who causes chaos and loves lying. Look at how she treats them! People who are important to her and makes her feel special. Mal is very putty and almost melts in vox's arms which is least expected from someone like her, she's helped aponi get throigh shit because she's as stubborn but like 5x more. Aponi says "No." She says "N O !" Velvette is her other soul sister that supports her a lot, Al is like a brother to her now, and they like talking about murder and witchcraft. Emma has the best mom she could ever ask for, Emilia (her bb cousin) had her soft spot, the hotel crew being treated like the found family you'd have a booze with snd laugh at their jokes. Her "lover" side shows ONLY with those people. Only with the people that can be trusted with it and SHE KNOWS they can be trusted with it.

She's caring, kind, honest.. in her own way. In a way that people consider a luxury. Once she lets you in that circle, you'll be treated so right. Kinda like how these love songs show a sense of loyalty, devotion, and just.. pure love and adoration for those people. Although she's not perfect and can anger you, irritate those nerves of yours on the brink of snapping, makes yiu cry sometimes, if she says she loves and cares about you, she's not going anywhere. That's the good luck you get.

So why I think all of this correlates with what swifties say about reputation is that we are the ones that Taylor loves and prioritizes, she's very protective of us, she looks at us like we're the ones who got her to where she is, she always says that swifties changed her life, and that there's nothing we cannot do for her. The revenge songs arent for us obviously. Those are for the rest of the world who watched and laughed as she mourned her reputation, but she slowly rose again, and better than ever.

So I do think that reputation is more of a love album than lover.. which is ironic because of what people think these two albums are based on ONLY aesthetic and name. There's more to her albums than their titles and themes. Hell, speak now is like a princess-like album and then you get songs like dear john and better than revenge. She threw a damn CHAIR during sparks fly!

So uh I guess my little brainrot rant ends here?

[papercupids]

lost in translation. <teaser>

pairing -> kim mingyu x fem!reader 

summary -> you’re literally perfect for each other, but will you end up getting lost in translation or find your way back to each other?

genre -> friends to lovers au, angst, established relationship!au (but not for long), long distance relationship!au (just for a bit, gyu is on a world tour). 

warnings -> none for the teaser, nothing major but a few curses for the whole fic.

word count (for the teaser) -> 600+

word count (for the actual fic) -> 5k (?)

RELEASE DATE - 13 DECEMBER 2021.

READ HERE.

a/n -> something i have been excited about since last month! this fic was just me channelling all the feelings i feel from taylor swift songs to mingyu and baam! here it is. 

“Babe?” you jolt awake, half asleep, still not wanting to end the call though. Time differences mess you up big time. It’s about two am on the clock in the front of your bed, not that you can see it anyway, you just check your phone. One fifty five am it said, your clock was five minutes early, your mother’s habit of setting it ahead so you’re never late passing onto you.

“You there?” Mingyu's voice was awake, the sun that settled in your side of the world had risen in his, and it was evident in his voice.

“Hmm,” you hum in approval - not that he was never not enthusiastic.

“You should sleep,”

“I will,”

“It’s nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.”

A smile makes its way on your face, and the similar rush in your body. Something your friends would call pathetic, maybe even fake.

But it didn’t matter, you shrug it off, they almost always had some or the other reason to hate your lovers, and maybe sometimes, only rarely they might be true but with mingyu? They were wrong. You just knew.

“...and it was such a great track, I loved recording it.”

“Hmm,” you hum again. The clock is now at three ten now, and you’re almost even maybe lucid dreaming but you can hear his voice, as if it’s some lullaby.

“Wait,” you speak, “Could you say that again?” you rub your eyes. 3:15 am, you had less than 5 hours to sleep.

“Were you not listening?” Mingyu's voice comes off as slightly offended. He’s half pouting right now, you just know it.

He’s shuffling his belongings, it’s almost 9:40 am, and he can’t find his perfume, he swore he kept it on the table.

But he was becoming forgetful and it didn’t help that he kept on moving around. He touched along the sides of the table as the earpod in his ear was silent, silence he presumed was your heartbeat. He was ready for the possibility of you sleeping, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“y/n,” he whispers slowly, he stops in the middle of his room, looking around his room and hoping you didn’t fall asleep simultaneously.

“No I was, I just like hearing your voice.”

“Alright,” he smiles. He found it. Bunched behind a bundle of clothes. As he picks it up his nose brushes against a cardigan. A black cardigan and he knows the smell all too well.

It’s yours, his grin grows.

From the time you were in your getting to know each other and went together to chaeyoung’s party together, your first “official” meeting. Before that it was just mingyu hunting for your number through various mutuals after seeing you on their instagram, and texts and calls. But back at the party, he offered to walk you home through the quiet night, and you both walked away slowly from the loud music, people with booming voices, the silence soon blanketing the voice as you went as far from it as possible.

It was cold that night and you felt sympathy for the boy who walked you home, so you removed your cardigan and handed it to him, and believe it or not, mingyu was so close to fainting out of lightheadedness, that’s how happy he felt.

And it's been with him since, he keeps telling himself he should return it but he doesn’t want to, it smells so much like you.

And he currently finds himself folding it up into the closet.

He sprinkles the perfume all around him. And he looks at the watch on his wrist, almost ten, he has to leave now.

“Babe,” he speaks into the phone, taking one last look at the hotel room to make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything.

“I gotta leave now, okay? I’ll call you later,”

“Hmm,”

“Good day to you,”

“Yes, okay, good day to you, gyu, it’s night for me, remember?” you yawn.

“i do, i do, i’m sorry about that, goodnight,”

[thebigbadbatswife]

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever

Summary - Y/N starts wondering if she dodged a bullet or just lost the love of her life.

Warnings - Please only read if you’re 18+, angst, smut, make up sex. 

[A/N] - Inspired by the song ‘I Don’t Wanna Live Forever’ by Taylor Swift

Word Count - 2.9k

The sky was covered in pitch black clouds, completely blocking out the stars. Lightning danced through the clouds and thunder shook the heavens, as rain poured onto the world below. A bright white flash briefly illuminated the old gothic manor that had weathered storms far worse than this one. Inside, the manor’s owner sat alone in front of a fireplace, a glass of bourbon in one hand, his phone in the other. He was so lost in his own thoughts, he barely heard the storm raging outside.

Bruce scrolled through his contacts and only stopped once he had reached her name. He clicked on her contact and his thumb hovered over the call button. After about a minute, he switched the phone off, set it on the nearby table and downed his drink in one. For the past six months, either when he wasn’t going out on patrol (which was rarely), or he had just gotten back from one, this was his ritual. Ever since she walked out of that door, cursing his name and the day they’d met, he found himself back here.

He wanted to call her. God above did he want to call her and make everything alright again, but she had made it extremely clear she never wanted to hear from him ever again. So Bruce didn’t call. He respected that she didn’t want to talk to him.

He set the empty glass onto the table and ran a hand through his hair. His eyes closed and he imagined that, by some miracle, she walked back in through that front door. That she’d see him standing there and would run into his arms. Bruce would wrap his arms around her, bringing her close to his body. His lips would gently brush against hers before he kissed her passionately. He’d lift her up and carry her to his bedroom. Then he’d lay her on his bed before quickly removing both of their clothes and they would stay there for hours on end.  

An involuntary sigh left him as he imagined her skin against his and his eyes snapped open because, no, that wasn’t going to happen. The logical part of his brain knew that. It reminded him constantly, but the part of his brain that dared to dream the impossible? The part of his brain that only existed because of her? That part was still convinced that somehow, someway, that would happen. Because it had to. It just had to… right?

He leaned back in the armchair he was sitting in and a heavy sigh left him. Bruce felt like he was going crazy. Every other relationship he’d had, he had never gone through this before. Even when he wasn’t the one to end it. What was it about her that made her so different?

A voice in the back of his head, and in his chest, told him exactly what made her so different, but he was quick to silence it. He didn’t want to think about that. Especially when she was no longer his. Bruce was brought out of his thoughts from a knock at the doorway. He looked over to his shoulder to see Alfred standing there.

“Master Bruce, may I suggest you get some rest so that you’re ready for that meeting tomorrow morning?” Alfred asked, though he was sure he already knew the answer.

Bruce chuckled and shook his head and turned his attention away from the older man. “Sleep? That’s the last thing I need, or want, right now, Alfred.”

His dreams had been all the same since she left. They were always about her. Good or bad, it didn’t matter. She was the main feature in all of them and he always woke up calling her name. It wasn’t bad enough she infected his thoughts during the day, non, she had to infect his subconscious as well. There was a small part of Bruce that wondered if perhaps she had similar dreams, but since she was the one that had left, she couldn’t be. Could she?

You were sitting up late on your windowsill seat, looking out over the city. For reasons you couldn’t fathom, Bruce was on your mind tonight and he refused to leave. You were slowly running through everything that had happened between the two of you and there was a part of you that was wondering if leaving had been the right decision.

When the two of you had finally gone public with your relationship, the paparazzi had constantly invaded your privacy. It had gotten on your nerves, as well as made you a little scared. Not to mention that your life had been threatened by Bruce’s enemies and those threats had increased after you had learnt his secret. It certainly hadn’t helped that every now and then a particularly crazy ex of his would show up out of the blue, nor the fact that you knew that one of them was literally an assassin.

However, even with all of that, yours and Bruce’s relationship had been one of the best things to have ever happened to you. All of your past exes, at some point, had ended up either getting aggressive with you or lost interest and left. Never Bruce though.

When you’d been together he had always made it a point to ask you about your day or how you had slept. If you’d had a bad day or dream or whatever, really, then he would do what he could to try and cheer you up. When he was away on business trips and couldn’t take you along with him, he always made sure to either text or facetime you before you went to bed, no matter what the time it was for him. And if he was ever forced to cancel a date or accidentally missed an anniversary he would always make it up to you in the best possible way.

It was memories like these that had you wondering if you truly had dodged a bullet by leaving Bruce or if you had just caused yourself to lose the love of your life.

You wanted to scream! Why were you thinking about all of this now?! You could understand thinking all this before you had made the decision, but afterwards? After it had all been said and done? It made no sense!

You ran your hands through your hair and let out a frustrated sigh. You eyed your phone sitting on the other side of your windowsill seat. Should you call him? Let him know you had made a mistake? You knew he would probably still be awake at this hour… That’s when you remembered the article you’d seen a couple of days ago where Bruce had been pictured at a gala with a rather beautiful woman on his arm. It could just be for show…

‘Or he’s already moved on,’ you thought sadly. It didn’t matter if you had made a mistake or not, it was far too late to correct it now. With that thought, you got up from where you were sitting and made your way to bed.

A couple of nights later you found yourself in the exclusive nightclub, The Sirens. Your best friend, Tracey, had dragged you here saying it was about time you found someone else. And this club was the perfect place to do exactly that!

You really hadn’t wanted to go, but since she was your best friend, and you didn’t want to disappoint her, you agreed to go.

You were wearing a short low cut black dress, that perfectly highlighted your assets, with matching black heels. As for your makeup, you had gone for a dark smokey eye and a red lipstick. The lipstick had, of course, been Tracey’s idea. As she had applied it, she had enthusiastically claimed that men would not be able to keep their eyes off of you. And she had been right.

All night men had been coming up to you, trying to flirt, bought you a couple of drinks and you had turned them all down. There was only one man that you wanted to be paying attention to you and you were now the last thing on his mind. You inwardly laughed at yourself. Here you were in one of the nicest places in Gotham City (and that was saying something since this was Gotham after all), and you were standing around, turning down perfectly good hotties and looking sad because you couldn’t stop thinking about Bruce fucking Wayne! It was pathetic.

As you turned down yet another perfectly suitable one night stand candidate, Tracey came over to you, annoyance sparkling in her emerald eyes.

“Seriously? What was wrong with that one!” she exclaimed as she gestured in the direction the man had gone. You leant an elbow on the bar's surface and ran your hand through your hair.

“Nothing,” you replied quietly. Nothing had been wrong with the five before him. Well, nothing except for the fact that none of them were him.

“Fuck, you’re really not over him,” Tracey stated when she saw your expression.

“No, Tracey, I’m not. I thought I was, but...” you trailed off as you turned your head to meet her gaze. She shook her head which caused her blonde ringlet curls to bouncy slightly. Tracey then grabbed your hand.

“Come on,” she said as she started to pull you away from the bar and outside the club.

As soon as you were outside, she let go and quickly hailed down a cab. As one pulled up, she tugged you over to it.

“What are you doing?” you asked as she did so. She stopped and turned around and faced you, placing her hands on both of your shoulders.

“You are getting into that cab, you are going to Wayne Manor and you are going to tell that billionaire playboy you ain’t over him. Then you’re going to have a fan-fucking-tastic night, which you’re going to tell every single detail of to me, tomorrow. Understood?”

“But Tracey, what about that picture?” You didn’t need to elaborate as Tracey had been there when you’d come across the article.

“Right, I can’t tell you how I know this, but from what I heard, Brucie boy didn’t say a word to her after that picture was taken. Hell, apparently he just left her there at the end of the night! Which means, he’s probably moping over you like you’re moping over him,” she replied as she continued to drag you over to the cab and basically pushed you inside. “Now go and make sure you have fun!”

Before you were able to protest further, Tracey was already walking away.

“Where to, miss?” the cab driver asked. You couldn’t believe you were doing this.

“Wayne Manor, please.”

The drive to Wayne Manor was far longer than you remembered it being, which meant that you had far too much time to think about what you were doing. Was this really such a good idea?

As the cab started up the driveway and eventually came to a stop right outside the Manor, you knew there was absolutely no turning back. There hadn’t been the second you had told the driver to bring you here. So you paid the cab driver his fair and got out.

As the car drove away you looked up at the Manor before beginning to slowly make your way up the front steps. Nervously, you rung the doorbell. A few minutes past and the door opened, revealing a very confused Alfred.

“Miss Y/N? What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I came to talk to Bruce. Is he home?”

“Of course,” Alfred stood to the side to allow you into the Manor. Once you’d entered and he had shut the door, he began to lead you through the halls to the room Bruce was currently in. “Right this way.”

When you got there, Alfred bid you good luck and then left off to get back to whatever it was he had been doing before your arrival. Taking a deep breath, you entered the room.

Bruce was pouring himself a drink when you walked in. The sound of your heels on the polished wood floor made him stop and he looked over his shoulder at you. His eyes were wide like he had just seen a ghost.

“Y/N…” your name was barely a whisper as it left him.

“Hi,” you replied timidly. You realised that you had no idea what you wanted to say to him.  

He abandoned his drink and approached you slowly, like if he moved too quickly you would sudden evaporate before his eyes. He came to a stop before you and his hands came up and cupped your face. One of your own hands came up and rested over the top of his. His blue eyes swirled with too many emotions for you to make out clearly what they were. One of them, however, you saw just long enough for a warm feeling to start flooding through your chest.

“You came back.” The disbelief was more than evident in his voice as he spoke.

“I did. Bruce I’m so sorry, I…”

“That doesn’t matter anymore,” he replied, cutting off your apology. “Just kiss me.”

You leaned up and kissed him, putting all of the passion you could behind it. It wasn’t long before the kiss turned heated, your tongues quickly slipping into each other's mouths and you found yourself pushed up against the wall. To make it easier on the both of you, Bruce hooked his hands under your thighs and lifted you up. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his hips and your arms around his neck.

Bruce was soon kissing and biting at your neck as one of his large hands slipped into your dress and began to fondle one of your breasts. A moan left you as he gently tweaked your nipple. He trailed kisses up your neck, along your jawline and back to your lips. As you kissed and he continued to fondle your chest, you decided you’d had enough of the foreplay and that you wanted, no you needed, him inside you.

You pulled away, breathing hard and trying to return some oxygen to your brain. “Bruce, I need you. Now,” you said in between pants. He answered by pulling you away from the wall and carrying you through the Manor, toward his bedroom. As he climbed the stairs and walked through the hallways you resumed kissing and began to unbutton his shirt.

Once you reached his bedroom, you were both quick to remove your clothes and settle on the bed. Bruce hovered over you as he aligned himself with your entrance. Then his blue eyes were meeting yours and he silently asked for your permission. You answered with a small nod and then he was slowly pushing his cock into you.

You let out a pleasure filled cry as your walls stretched around his cock. A low guttural groan left him as well. Fuck, you had forgotten how good he felt. When he was fully in, he stilled and ducked down and captured your lips with his. Once you had adjusted to him, you let him know with a small roll of your hips and he began to move. He started off slow, drawing out each of his movements, before picking up speed.

“Fuck… Bruce!” were the only words you could coherent form as he slammed into you and stole the breath from your lungs. The grip he had on your hips was sure to leave bruises there, not that you cared. The sound of skin slapping against skin was loud and obscene in the room and nearly drowned out the moaning mess Bruce had turned you into. As always, other than the occasional grunt or groan, Bruce was mostly silent.

“Y/N, I’m close,” he managed to say as his thrusts were starting to become more erratic.

“Me too…” you managed to reply in between your moans. No sooner had the words left your mouth you suddenly felt his thumb against your clit, rubbing in time with his thrusts. Suddenly the pleasure was all too much and you came crying his name. Then Bruce was pulling out of you and spilled his seed across your stomach.

After you two had cleaned up, Bruce gathered you up in his arms and maneuvered you under the covers with him, before pulling you in close. You were both silent as you laid there, you both felt as if you had gotten out everything you needed to say through your lovemaking. Well, almost everything. There was the big question of whenever or not this meant you were back together.

“Bruce?” you called out softly as you pulled away just far enough so you could see his face. He brushed an errant strand of hair away from your face.

“Yes?” he answered.

“Does this mean… I mean, are we…?”

“Back together?” Bruce asked as he finished your sentence. You nodded and he smiled. “I fucking hope so.��� You chuckled a little at that.

“So, this means you still want me?”

“Darling, of course I still want you. I will always want you,” he replied before kissing you gently. When the kiss ended, you snuggled in close to him. “And I’m sorry about what happened. I’ll never be that reckless again. I promise.”

“I should hope not and, for the record, I’m always going to want you as well.”  

[jasontoddswhitestreak]

what died didn’t stay dead

(originally posted by vormirjumper)

dedicated to @starsvck and @artipotter hope u enjoy this <333

summary: the last thing you remember was fainting in wakanda thinking you saw your own fingertips turn to dust only to wake up in a world where natasha romanoff no longer existed. inspired by marjorie by taylor swift

content warning: natasha romanoff x fem!reader, set after endgame, angst, mentions of death, trauma, their relationship ending on a bad note, trust issues & previous steve x nat, (WANDAVISION SPOILERS AT THE END)

‘моя любовь’ = ‘my love’ in russian <3

REQUESTS ARE OPEN! (please lmk if anyone written something similar to this! & if you want more nat content lmk!)

masterlist

PART TWO

You forced your eyes open.

Pulling yourself up from the ground you glanced at your arms in confusion. You swore you saw your own hands turn to dust before fainting. You glanced around to take in your surroundings eyes widening in shock as you saw the hundreds of Wakandan's you fought beside minutes ago appearing out of dust. You stared speechless as you watched people materialise out of thin air, the dust forming into fingers, then a whole hand and eventually becoming a person who's mirroring your exact reaction.

You felt guilty about the first thought that came across your mind.

'Is Nat okay?' You panicked while rushing to look around, ignoring how you spent the last few years loathing her to hide your heartbreak.

You were an avenger since the beginning. The two of you were on the same team during the airport fight which wasn't surprising due to your history together. Despite the slight age difference between the two of you, your personalities worked well together which is why you got along well, so well in fact that those platonic feelings you thought you had for her developed into something more and somehow you found yourself in her bed many times in her arms with your bodies pressed against one another's, struggling to catch your breath, bliss written all over your face. Your legs were intertwined with hers as you embraced the warmth radiating off her. You refused to acknowledge the unspoken tension in the atmosphere due to the fear of speaking out about your feelings and end up ruining what you had. You couldn't help but let the insecurities build up as you gently caressed her cheek, her eyes met yours back in adoration, full of what could've been love.

But you knew she once looked at him in the same way.

"I love holding you in my arms моя любовь." She muttered, as she stroked your hair gently, you hummed in response, not trusting your own voice. What you both had felt right, you didn't want to ruin it, you didn't want to label what you had together due to the job you both have. Being an avenger doesn't exactly mean stability, anything could happen.

You remember the panic you felt when Ultron took her, the chance of losing her filled you with dread, but you also had faith. You knew how strong Natasha was. Your faith gave you strength and it kept you alive, Nat admired that about you.

The two of you fit together well, whether it was on the field or outside of the field. You could predict each other's moves and although telepathy isn't either of your powers, you know what the other was thinking. You made her better. You helped her wipe out the red in her ledger and when everyone's files was exposed to the globe you were right there by her side comforting her as she feared the reaction from everyone. You were there for her when nobody was and you stood by her side no matter what. Those feelings were reciprocated, you knew Natasha would've done anything for you.

She would even sacrifice herself for the possibility of you coming back.

Then the Accords happened and Nat betrayed the Accords, ending up on the run with Steve, Sam, Wanda and Vision. You were left alone at the compound with an injured Rhodey.

"How could you do this?" You spat out, voice full of hatred as you watched Natasha let Steve and Bucky get away. Your pistol shook in the palm of your hands, pointed directly at Natasha who lowered her own onto the ground, allowing herself to be defenceless.

"It's not that easy моя любовь, you out of all people should understand that." She explained, and you scoffed in response. The pet-name which once caused a flutter in your stomach now fuelling the fire that's building up. All the insecurities you felt during your relationship suddenly turned to hatred. You should've expected this, you should've expected that after all this time she would've chosen Steve over you.

"I guess you'll never change." You responded flatly, admitting defeat. You silently walked passed her and climbed out of the rubble that was created, allowing a wall to be in between the two of you not knowing you tore a piece of her heart as you did so.

That was two years ago.

You thought you'd never have to see her for a long time. You hoped you wouldn't have to see her. Clearly things never go the way you wanted it to go as you found yourself staring back at the person who once owned your heart.

"Well, you guys look like crap." Rhodey teased, wrapping the fellow avengers in his arms as you stood to the side, awkwardly watching the scene in front of you while fidgeting with your fingers. The atmosphere in the compound was comforting, it's been a long time since you've heard so much laughter in one room despite the war that's brewing.

Natasha, who was now blonde but as gorgeous as ever, hesitantly approached you. The two of you stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the next move.

"Romanoff." You nodded, greeting her before moving away to greet the other Avengers, missing the way she muttered the now bittersweet name she specifically picked you.

"моя любовь..."

Did she really love you? Or was it just for revenge? You believed that love blinded you, you managed to convince yourself that your love wasn't enough for her and that's why she left you. Your relationship with her died. It was over. You thought you buried it all, all your feelings. But you were wrong, when your eyes met her green eyes all those feelings came back to life, flowing through your veins.

After all this time you still loved her.

But your feelings for her weren't the only thing you couldn't bury.

Within an hour of reuniting with the Avengers, the team found themselves on the quinjet travelling to Wakanda. You wouldn't have said this out loud but you had faith that everything would be okay, Nat was finally by your side after all these years.

You felt as though nothing could go wrong.

That was a couple hours ago you estimated, you glance at Wanda who appeared a couple feet away from you the tears were evident on her face.

"Where is he?" Wanda cries out, clenching her fists, you saw the scarlet red energy glowing around her. You knew she must've been talking about Vsision who should've been on the ground next to her. "Wha- why does everything look different?" You realised, noticing the damages caused by the battle has disappeared. The grass was greener as ever. The corpses of the creatures you fought were no longer on the ground.

It looked as though the battle never took place.

You ran over to Wanda, helping her up from the ground when you hear someone call your name out. "That sounds like Sam." Wanda points out as the two of you held each other up.

"Wanda!" Sam called out.

"Come on, we gotta go! They need us! The fights not over yet!" He shouts from a distance, the two of you made your way to the direction you heard his voice come from, you saw all the superheroes surrounding him and a man in a red cloak. "What about Nat? Or Rhodey?" You questioned, looking for them in the crowd. You missed the sympathetic glance the man shot you before waving his hands up in the air, creating a yellow ring in the air that transformed into a portal.

"We're going to fight beside them right now." Sam confirms before flying through the portal.

The compound was completely destroyed. Your home was crumbling apart. Thor looked completely different, Tony had grey hair and Natasha was nowhere to be seen.

You wanted to finally tell her, tell her that you loved her with all of your heart.

You fought beside hundreds of Avengers that day, but you couldn't help searching for one specific Avenger. You ran over to Clint who was on the ground struggling to fight off a bunch of creatures, saving him within moments.

"Thanks kid." He pant, out of breath from all of the fighting. You smiled at him in response, reaching your hand out for him to take which he gratefully took, lifting himself up. "Have you bumped into Nat on the battlefield yet?" You asked, hopeful. There were hundreds of people fighting so you didn't expect to find her easily. The smile on Clint's face fell.

In that moment he relieved everything that happened moments ago. Flying to Vormir with Natasha, climbing the cliff with her, reminiscing about Budapest. And the way he witnessed her body hit the ground, the crack echoing so loudly he managed to hear it more than just once. He glanced down the cliff and saw her lifeless body faced towards his.

His closest friend. The person he trusted with his entire life. The person he named his son after. The Godmother of his kids.

Gone.

Just like that.

"I need to do this for her Clint, she's моя любовь." Nat whispered to him before smiling back at the oldest friend she had, pushing away from the cliff and inevitably falling to her death.

You found out what happened to Natasha, hours after.

The Avengers won, but at the cost of the lives of the people you cared the most about, the person you'd do anything for and the person who owned your heart the minute you met them. Clint broke the news to you, he felt as though you deserved to hear it from him.

"She loved you till the very end." He finished after explaining what happened on Vormir. You felt as though you couldn't breathe, like your soul was crushed and pulled away from you.

Natasha Romanoff was dead and there was nothing you could do about it.

She never got to hear that you felt the same towards her.

"I didn't think the ending to be so soon." You struggled to hold back a sob, holding the letter Clint gave you tightly in your arms. Scott somehow found a letter on the ground while trying to save Clint, it was slightly damp and covered in mud. But it was written for you in Natasha's handwriting.

You couldn't bring yourself to read the letter even nine days after the blip. You had to live in a world without her, a world where people drag her name through the mud even though she is the reason they're still standing. You adjust to a world without Natasha Romanoff and reading a letter she wrote for you months ago wouldn't help.

You regretted everything. You regret spending those last few years in anger, you should've stayed with her, you could've told her how much she meant to you. You could've told her you loved her, you could've held her in your arms once more. You would do anything to have her in your arms once again.

Sometimes it felt as though she was still there, laughing at something she saw on the TV. You always felt her presence around you after she passed away, it felt as though she never died. It felt as though a part of her lives through you.

You sat in the passenger seat of Wanda's car, staring at the Sword logo plastered on the side of the building, you could feel the letter in your back pocket, dying to be read. Wanda made her way back to the car, face flared in anger, tears threatening to spill.

"Wanda?" You called out as she got into the car, turning on the ignition but not pulling out of the car park. She sniffled quietly, wiping her eyes before glancing back to you. "I saw him." She responded, her eyes glancing to the folded paper on the backseat of the car, she could see the faint colour of red that was in the shape of a heart. "But they're not letting him have a funeral." You realised, looking back at your friend, heartbroken. "I figured at least one of them deserved a funeral, it's not fair. It's not fair that the world can just go on like nothing happened and we don't get to mourn the people we lost." Wanda rants, pulling out of the parking lot and beginning to drive.

"They both deserve a funeral." You agreed solemnly, remembering the fact that Natasha's body is at the bottom of a cliff in space in 2014.

"Where are we going now?" You asked, wanting to distract yourself from that thought. You felt as though you and Wanda were left to mourn your loved ones alone as the rest of the avengers scattered across the country.

"To the only thing I have left of him."

The two of you sat in silence as Wanda drove, you stared at the shrubbery outside the window before closing your eyes and resting your head on the window, allowing yourself to drift off.

It felt like it was only seconds later when you felt the car turn harshly, you opened your eyes and glanced around in confusion when you saw that you pulled into a quaint town, you had only just missed the town sign plastered with the words "West View." You watched the pedestrians walking by, noticing how some of them sat on their own with no one to comfort them similarly to you and Wanda.

The two of you pulled up to a plot of land with the foundation of a house on the ground, it looked at though the house never had the chance to get completed.

"Stay in the car, I won't take long." Wanda reassured you before reaching towards the back of the car to grab the folded up sheet of paper and getting out of the car. You nodded, staring at the built house next to the plot of land.

Your mind wanders as you stare at the home. You think about Natasha. You think about the future you could've had with her, living together in a quaint home like the one in front of you. No stress about being an avenger, just the two of you and your family. You softly smile as you imagine Natasha's reaction to wanting to adopt 5 cats, knowing she was more of cat person. You imagine holding her hand while walking down the street and watching movies with her in your shared bed. You wanting to stay in for the day and watch movies to ignore the real world outside and her letting you.

You think about what could've been.

A heart wrenching scream snaps you out of your thoughts, you rush out of the car and look for Wanda but is blinded by a scarlet red light that knocks you unconscious.

Your eyes open on command.

The room you stood in was black and white. It was a nicely decorated living room with a dining room connected to it, you couldn't pinpoint which decade the interior was from, too preoccupied by the woman standing in front of you.

Although the lack of colour in them, you could recognise those eyes from anywhere, that smile that you've wished to see was right in front of you. The dress she wore matched the decade and decor of the room, her hair curled up neatly. Natasha stood in front of you, reaching her hand out towards you waiting for you to take it.

You hesitantly reach out towards her, happiness flooding your emotions. She pulls you closer to her, welcoming you into a hug. The palm of her hands are warm as they rested on your back, you could feel her heartbeat as you laid your head on her chest, melting in her arms.

"Welcome home моя любовь."

[getoutofmyjaneway]

Beta Cannon: the Pre Voyager Era of Kathryn Janeway | Mosaic v The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway

This weekend, I got a copy of the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway from a local book store. For how frequently we speak about Mosaic in the community (despite having some flaws) I was shocked that I had not heard a lot about this book and assumed it was a bad thing. And yeah in some regards it was (see @mia-cooper’s post on the subject). I have a lot of feelings (I’ll post a proper review at a later point) but one thing that did stick out to me is the divergence from what we have considered Beta Canon, aka, the extended universe of Star Treks told through novels, short stories, video games, etc. After completing the novel, I jumped right into my old standby copy of Mosaic, which has dictated a lot of Janeway’s back story since 96. Both of these novels cover the beginnings of Janeway’s life and how she was shaped into the woman we know. 

TLDR The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway changes a lot of things for no reason. Some of these are for the good. Some for the bad. And some, for like no good reason at all, like it was fine as it was, and was accepted cannon for like 25 years, but sure fine whatever.

I will mention that, as Mosaic has been a book in my library and I have read it too many times, so of course, I do have a bias toward it. Additionally, I feel like it is fair to mention here that authors of Fanfiction have leaned on this as their bibles since 1996 as Mosaic is written by Jeri Taylor, one of the show-runners for Voyager. Because of its connection with a showrunner, Mosaic is also integrated into the canon of the show. It seems that most points that are taken from Mosaic in the Autobiography are only included because of their existence in cannon material.

Anyway, this review is going to focus on the characters that shape Kathryn and I will end with my final thoughts. This is long so to respect your dash, you are going to have to click keep reading. You’re welcome.

Obligatory Spoiler Warning for ALL of Mosaic, chapter 13 of Pathways, and chapters 1-7 of The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway

Edward Janeway

In all media, I feel like we can safely say that Kathryn Janeway is in fact a daddy’s girl. Her relationship with her father is very important to her, so it is interesting to see how it is portrayed very differently in both novels. In Mosaic, a lot of the highlights of Janeway’s earlier years revolve around time spent with him. From giving her special attention after ‘Your Sister’ was born, to consoling her after her losing tennis match and subsequent walk home in the rain, and trips to Mars, Kathryn mentions great fondness of quality time spent. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway he is more described as an absent father, one that she always wanted to see and please. When he was home, she wanted all of his attention and to impress him greatly. She wished to follow in his footsteps after gaining a love of flight and the stars with a plane ride and a telescope he gave her. He tried to prepare her by detaining the events of the current conflict with Cardassia and inviting Starfleet brass over for dinner. Overall, in her early childhood, it makes more sense for Edward to not be around often. There is not a lot of conflict between the sources, other than the details of the aforementioned tennis match and different childhood nicknames.  

Edward is in a crash aboard an experimental ship on Tau Ceti Prime which leads to his death. This is where the big differences begin. In Mosaic, Kathryn and her fiancé are also on board. In  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn is still on the Al-Batani. The fall out of this event has a great effect on Kathryn of course in both novels. As this is a missive shaping event of Kathryn’s life, I felt it very jarring to be changed. This moment shaped Janeway and gives us good context for why she handles situations the way she does. I see this trauma and I understand her character better, for dealing with the loss of two of the most important people in her life all at once.

Gretchen Janeway

The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway was good to Gretchen Janeway as her character is basically a blank slate. We know little about her from Mosaic as it mostly focuses on Kathryn’s relationship with her father (and other male influences in her life). It is nice to learn more things about Grechen as with Edward’s job, it is likely that Kathryn was mainly raised by her. Other than being an artist, she also wrote some of the Flotter holos and wrote a number of children’s stories about the people of Bajor during the occupation. She does a lot of humanitarian work with the refugees from Bajor during the occupation. She loves to garden and get her daughters involved. She has a close bond with Phoebe due to their overlapping interests, but you can tell that she strives to support her in what she does. Overall, I like getting know Gretchen to be someone of than Kathryn’s mother.

Phoebe Janeway

 I was shocked when researching Memory Alpha for this review, Phoebe is never named in any Cannon media up to this point (Star Trek Prodigy could very well change this). We know Janeway has a sister and she is an artist, but that is it. Both novels keep her very similar personality-wise. In both stories, Kathryn is not looking forward to being a big sister. They also both mourn the loss of their father together. In Mosaic, she is not mentioned much. Kathryn tells her she is not old enough on an off planet trip and Phoebe plays pranks on her. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway goes much more into depth. They don’t get along when they are younger. They fight a lot. I feel this is a very realistic portrayal of real siblings, vying for attention and approval, snapping when they don’t get their way.  They both excel at what they do, Kathryn in her studies and Phoebe through her art. They seem to need to one-up each other at every turn.  As they grow up, they grow closer together, as many siblings do. Points added for giving Phoebe a wife, something which has been included in a lot of fanfiction. Overall, there are no big conflicting points.

Mark Johnson

Kathryn’s fiance at the time of the Voyager’s disappearance, Mark is a very different part of Kathryn’s life in both novels. In Mosaic, he is a childhood friend and went by his middle name Hobbs. Seemingly always two steps behind Kathryn, he did a lot of the same activities that she did, tennis and swimming in the underground cave systems. He did these poorly, and this makes Kathryn always look down upon him. They reconnected after her father’s death and she fell head-over-heels for him. Personally, I always felt this was a little uncharacteristic of Kathryn, to run away from her responsibilities to be with a man. It just seems very out of character and has always bothered me. The  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway takes a completely different approach. She meets Mark as a friend of Pheobe and her wife as a widower. They hit it off and they fall hard. You can see the conflict in Kathryn as she debates how to move forward with a relationship as they have different outlooks on life. She has a drive to explore but does not want to be an absent parent. She debates quitting, which I don’t think is something Janeway would have ever done. Overall she decides to accept Mark’s proposal just before taking command of Voyager. This makes the Dear John situation a lot more believable as it makes sense that he would want to move on with his life much quicker. Overall, I have to just ask, why? I know Mark doesn’t have a lot of character, but why change basically their whole relationship dynamic? 

Justin Tighe

Justin is a character I actually like for selfish reasons. This explains why I was very miffed that he was nowhere to be seen in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Justin is Kathryn’s first love, they were coworkers, engaged and in love, and dies in the same accident that takes her father. As a person who always wanted Chakotay and Janeway to get together, this incident perfectly gives the reason. She is afraid to get romantically involved with a crew member because of the nature of the job. This dynamic is seen between Picard and Nella Daren in TNG very well. Kathryn has learned the hard way that she can lose a person under her command and how it feels when you are in love with that person. In early Voyager, you can see she isolates herself from the crew and it takes time for her to get comfortable. And during Night she relapses to her old ways. This is the way I have always justified Janeway’s reluctance to have a romantic relationship during their time in the Delta Quadrant. By understanding her background, I have a lot of respect for that choice. Her relationship with Justin really shaped how she handles relationships and without the impact he had on her life, it actually makes her character weaker.

Owen Paris

Owen is Kathryn’s mentor. In Mosaic, they meet as he is reviewing her junior honors thesis advisor on massive compact halo objects. From here they gained a relationship built on respect and learning. It makes sense that, as he was her personal mentor, that she would be close with his family, and why she would seek out Tom as a person to bring with her to the Badlands mission. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, she does not meet him until she is on the Al-Batani. This doesn’t only weaken her relationship with Admiral Paris, but moreover weakens her relationship with Tom. If he was her superior officer, why would she develop such a ‘big sister’ mentality to Tom if she didn’t have as many opportunities to meet him?

Tuvok

Mosaic does not go too much in depth with Tuvok and Janeway’s relationship, but its sister novel Pathways does. In Pathways, Tuvok meets Janeway when he is an ensign under her command of the USS Bonestell. The Bonestell and the Billings, two ships that Janeway served on, tend to get confused a lot. Most sources have Janeway’s first command as the Voyager, Including Voyager itself -  “It doesn't seem like my first command is shaping up the way I expected,” Janeway Shattered. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway has her and Tuvok meet on the Al-Batani. I actually really like the dynamic between them, as they grow to respect each other over a much longer period of time. I also like that, though Janeway climbs through the ranks, it does not change their relationship dynamic as she still relies on him and asks him advice as if they were equals. I think giving them a longer time to build their relationship. Also would like to note that Janeway and Tuvok also had a friendship with the original CMO of Voyager, Dr. Fitzgerald. I always wanted to know more about the Pre-Caretaker crew and I would have loved to see this dynamic and how the grief of losing a close personal friend in the Caretaker incident would impact them both.

Also I feel obligated to shout out the Janeway and Tuvok story in Star Trek Waypoint One-Shot. I need to get around to doing a series retrospective, but this short story I have not seen anyone talk about and I love it so much. Please read Waypoint. Okay next.

Other characters

Cheb - Janeway’s boyfriend in Mosaic. He was kind of an asshole and got her into trouble. He is not in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway and I see no problem with this.

Boothby - “[he is the] head groundskeeper at Starfleet Academy. When I was a cadet, he used to give me fresh roses for my quarters,” Janeway Revulsion. Boothby is not in Mosaic. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, it is explained that her mother loved to garden and this was something that Boothby did as a gradian figure to make her feel at home and destress. Makes sense.

Aisha - A childhood friend of Katheryn’s. Only in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Mosaic has this weird thing about highlighting the relationships with only the men in her life, so it is nice to see her have some other female friends.

Nexa - Katheryn’s roommate at the Academy.  Only in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Nexa helps broaden Kathryn’s horizons by helping to learn about Exoliguisticts, first contact, and the Betazoid culture. Again nice to see her have other female friends.

Riker - Yes they go on a date in Mosaic. He is not mentioned in the  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. I know he is a gag character but I still liked it.

-----------------------

Final Thoughts

A lot of characters were changed between these two novels. There is a lot to like and a lot to hate. I really like what the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway did with characters like Tuvok and Gretchen Janeway. Other characters were not so lucky (Justin, sweetie I’m so sorry that they would erase you like that, oh my god). It’s a mixed bag, but one thing I need say is... why?

We have had a good thing going here with the established canon as is. Mosaic (and Pathways) is the foundation of which the last 25 years of fanworks and the relaunch novels are based on. Why change history when it is already written?

Always, would love to hear your thoughts and thank you for reading my novel of a post. I will see you in the full review.

[grasshopperjay]

wanting was enough (18+)

pairing: jay halstead x female reader

song: august - taylor swift

word count: 4.1k

summary: jay and the reader are old friends who meet at a bar. neither of them are in a good place, but their night gets a lot better with the others company. however, there’s something important that jay forgot to mention. 

warnings: swearing, angst (of course), yelling, smut, unprotected sex

“Am I dreaming? God I sure hope not.” 

 You’re already rolling your eyes at the horrible pick up line, taking a swig of your drink to get the confidence to shut this guy down, and then you see him, and you nearly choke. 

“Holy shit.” You stutter out. “Jay Halstead.”

“Holy shit,” He repeats, “Y/N. I can’t believe it’s you.”

He opens his arms and you shake your head, laughing in disbelief as you hug him. “How are you?” You ask, and he grins, occupying the seat beside you and you look him over for a minute, trying not to stare. He’s bigger, muscles filling out his previously boney stature. A lot has changed since high school and you can only hope he’s looking at you the same way, liking the developments you’ve made since you were seventeen. 

“I’m good! Yeah, great. How are you? You look amazing.” 

“Thank you,” You murmur, trying not to blush. “So do you.” You avoid the topic of yourself altogether, opting to not mention how little you’ve actually accomplished since high school. Sure you have a degree and a good job, but you seem to be lacking the happiness so many of your classmates have achieved. “What have you been up to? Last I heard you married Abby,” You blurt out, and he laughs, shaking his head in disapproval. 

Is it bad that the wedding ring that was not on his left ring finger was one of the first things you noticed? 

“Yeah, it was uh-, it was a military thing. Nothing more.” He confirms, and you nod suspiciously. 

“So you’re not with Abby then?” 

“No,” He laughs, “Definitely not. I mean she’s a great girl and everything, but, not for me.”

“Wow, I wish you would have realized that in high school.” You blurt out, and then your hand is covering your mouth, a reflex response to stop anything worse from coming out.

Jay raises his eyebrows, chuckling at your stunned face. “What does that mean?” You shake your head but he prods further. “Nope, you don’t get to do that, what do you mean by that?”

You’re giggling like a little girl and suddenly you’re seventeen again. This is how it always was, Jay charming as ever and you completely mesmerized. One crucial part of the picture is missing this time though, and you’re hoping it works for the better for you. 

“I just mean... I did a lot of pining senior year.” You murmur, and he narrows his eyes. 

“Elaborate.” It’s a demand. 

“Do I have to?” He nods. “Ugh, I was just always second place to her.”

He wants to respond with humor, but you can see in his eyes for just a split second that he knows exactly what you mean. 

He remembers what happened behind the mall, sitting in his car, so close to getting everything you’d ever wanted until his phone rang. Who else but Abby on the other end of the line. You had spent the whole summer together but no matter how far you’d come you were always just a step behind her. And just when you thought you were getting somewhere, August came. And you were off to school, Jay enrolled in the military. And the rest is history. 

“You were second place?” He clarifies, and you nod. “Well so was I.”

You raise your eyebrows at him, and he nods, tilting his beer to his lips. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Dan,” You haven’t heard that name in years. “I only went along with Abby because you were obviously into Dan.”

“I was not into Dan!” You shriek, and Jay laughs. “I’m kind of offended that you thought I was...” 

“You so were,” He accuses, and you keep giggling, covering your mouth to try and control how hard you’re smiling. “I liked you, like really liked you. But Abby told me you liked Dan, so I never did anything.”

“She lied,” You say, shoulders shaking with hysterics. “I hated Dan.” Jay is laughing now too, and goodness, you’re so happy you decided to stop at this bar. 

When the laughter fades, your eyes lock and for a moment the wind is knocked out of you. 

Even though you’re probably gonna regret it, you decide to take the leap you never were bold enough to take in high school. 

“Jay, I never thought about Dan a minute after high school... You, on the other hand? Everyday.” 

A small smile grows on his face, and then he says, “Yeah I thought about you a lot too.” 

You talk for hours, just catching up, and it’s so familiar. He asks about your job and your degree; laughs with you about your brother and how he’s managed to stay reckless after all this time; pries about your relationships in the last ten years. He tells you about his job now, and you soak in every moment as he talks louder, hands motioning like crazy when he gets to the crazy parts of his stories. You hold his hand while he opens up about things that happened on his tours, you can see the pain in his eyes even though he tries to put up a strong front. 

He’s so different from how he used to be, but still so similar. And even though a decade has passed, you’re still just as smitten with him as you were ten years ago. 

It feels like no time has passed since Jay approached you with his stupid line, but when the lights turn on, you realize what time it is. 2 am. You’ve been talking for five hours. 

“Shit,” You mumble, because you’re not ready to go.

It’s like Jay reads your mind though, because he slides his hand over yours, giving you a small grin when he says, “Do you wanna come back to my place? I’m not quite ready to say goodbye to you yet.” 

The answer is yes. A thousand times yes. But you can’t give in so easy. “Jay Halstead... We’ve only just met and you’re inviting me back to your place?”

He rolls his eyes, pulling your jacket off the back of your chair with a smirk. “I promise I’ll be the perfect gentleman. No risky business.”

And that’s how you end up in his apartment, sitting five feet apart on his bed like you’re still in high school. There’s a movie playing but neither of you are paying attention. 

However, it’s probably your fault that he’s so far away. When he guided you to his room, you, like a teenage virgin, poked a finger at his chest- his extremely broad chest- and said, “I’m not here to have sex with you.” 

You said it because you didn’t want to seem desperate, or easy... But it’s Jay, and you’ve known him since high school. You feel like you’ve waited ages for him. And you’ve changed your mind. 

But how do you tell him that without telling him that...

You turn your head to look at him, and the corners of his mouth tilt up as he realizes you’re watching him. He turns to look at you, extending his arm, “You know you can come over here and cuddle with me, I won’t bite...” 

With a sly grin you crawl over to him, settling in his arms. And damn, pressed against his hard body you’ve really changed your mind. “I wouldn’t be mad if you did... bite...” You say, words falling off towards the end. 

You freeze for a minute, locked in a staring match with him before you’re pushing yourself up to kiss him. He’s not surprised, his free arm wounds around your waist, his tongue slides into your mouth and all you can think is what have you gotten yourself into.

You kiss him harder, trying to get even closer to him but he stays steady, his hands sit comfortably, resting on the outside of your thigh and your waist, thumbs drawing circles through the fabric of your t shirt dress.

He makes no moves to go any further, and your timid nature prevents you from doing so either, but you’re walking a thin line. You want so much more. 

Finally you say fuck it, disconnecting your lips and tilting your chin up. He gets the hint and he scrapes his teeth across the soft skin. You whine, grabbing his t shirt while you mumble his name. 

“Please,” You whisper, trying to pull him closer. You hate that he’s made you so weak. All he’s done is kiss you and you’re nearly falling on your knees. 

“What do you want, baby?” He whispers, pressing delicate kisses to your neck.

“I want you to touch me,” You whisper, cheeks tinging red at your confession. He doesn’t seem to mind though, with a smile he brings your lips back to his. His tongue slides into your mouth, and you hold onto his shoulders a little tighter. Slowly, his hand makes it’s way from the outside of your thigh, to the inside. And then he’s pressuring your knee, pushing your legs apart.

“Jay,” You mumble, and the second his green eyes meet yours, you’re lost. 

“You okay?” He asks, and all you can do is nod. 

“Are you sure about this?” Another nod. 

You’re so beyond wet from just kissing him, it’s almost embarrassing. 

He’s so gentle, hands sliding further and further up until their fiddling with the waist band of your underwear. You raise your hips, thinking he’s going to take them off but he doesn’t, he only applies slight pressure to your mound.

His hands are working so slowly and the anticipation is building and building. His fingers work their way down, humming over your clit and passing until they’re ghosting right over where there is probably a wet spot. You can feel your cheeks start to burn red at the thought of it, and it makes you mad at him for being so annoyingly hot.

He presses more firmly, and even though it’s not quite where you want him to be, it still feels good, so you kiss him harder. He responds eagerly, nibbling on your bottom lip. Then he’s ducking his head into the crook of your neck, teeth and tongue grazing the spot just below above your collarbone.

You can’t help the moan that slips out, and you dig your nails into his shoulder when he chuckles against the skin there. He connects your lips again with a smile, and it’s so smug it’s irritating. You really just want him to do something other than tease you, so one of your hands leaves his shoulder, latching onto his wrist that’s under your skirt. When you push his hand up he laughs against your lips, pulling his hand from your grasp. “Jay, do something,” You grumble, tilting your head back. 

He leans into your neck, dragging his lips over the skin. “I thought you weren’t here to have sex with me.”

You internally roll your eyes, “This isn’t sex,” You reply and he laughs.

“Touche,” He says, and then he’s moving his hand up, yanking down one side of your underwear. You help him out, tugging down the other side, he slides them down your legs, and then slowly slides his hand back up, taking his sweet time. 

When he finally gets to where you want him, your shoulders slump, miles of tension being released with his simple touch. He dips a finger down to feel how wet you are, spreading it around he rubs slow circles on your clit, and you release exasperated little breaths against his lips. Your legs instinctively open wider, and Jay’s touch grazes lower, his middle finger teasing your entrance. It dips in, and you try to sink lower, but his hand on your hip holds your firmly in place. He pulls it out, and then goes in again, this time with two fingers. You buck your hips slightly, the pads of his fingers brush your walls, and your back arches while you ache for more. Getting his fingers in even further his palm presses hard onto the hood of your clit, and then you know you’re not going to last long after that. Your head is tilted back, chest heaving up and down and Jay watches in awe, working his fingers while you move with him. His fingers are continuously pressing against your g spot, and you’re practically grinding onto his palm now. It feels so good, and his lips are so soft against yours. He’s like a drug, and now that you’re almost to the edge you know one high isn’t going to be enough. “Jay-” You pull away from his lips, head tipping back.

“Let go,” He mumbles, pressing a kiss to your neck.

Another rock against his hand sends you over the edge, your eyes squeezing shut, and Jay stretches his hand back, avoiding your clit while you ride out your high on his fingers. Slowly they stop moving and your eyes flutter open when he pulls his hand out from under your dress. He sucks them into his mouth and surprisingly a hot moan slips past your lips at the sight. Fuck you need him. You fall back onto the bed, grabbing his shirt to yank him with you.

“Bab-” He starts to speak but you latch onto his neck pulling his lips down to meet yours. When you wrap your legs around him you feel his hard on press against you and it’s almost enough to make you moan embarrassingly loud again.

Hands sliding down, you tug up the fabric of his shirt and he pauses to get it over his head. He chuckles when your fingers hook into his shorts, “Slow down, babe.”

Ignoring him you push his shorts and boxers down, and he holds himself up with one arm to help you out. His cock is hard and you bite your lip at the sight of it, the tip red an soaked with precum.

When he leans back down, your hands grip onto his waist, legs wrapping around him in preparation. He slides his cock in between your folds and you jerk when he grazes your clit. “You sure, baby?” He asks.

“Jay, if you stop now I might combust,”

He grins, pressing a kiss to your lips before standing on his knees, grabbing hold of your calves he yanks you to the edge of the bed. Then he raises your legs so they rest on his shoulders, and he’s pushing into you so slowly it’s almost painful. You need him so badly, and he knows. You cry out when he sinks fully into you, knotting your hands into his hair. He has his feet on the ground for momentum, using your thighs to push you down and it has him so deep you think you could pass out. Every time he moves its like your whole body is getting shocked with pleasure.

“You feel so good,” His grip on your waist is getting tighter, and you grip onto his shoulders to pull him down to you, desperate to feel his lips on yours. When your mouths connect you feel like your lit on fire. 

You sling an arm around his neck, wanting to keep him as close as possible. He presses short kisses to your lips while he continues to grind into you, he feels amazing and you know you’re climbing up quickly to another climax. His head tilts back, mouth falling open and it’s like a whole other stimulant in itself, seeing the pleasure that you give him. Nothing turns you on more.

“Jay,” You murmur, pressing a kiss to the underside of his chin. He responds by connecting your lips again, kissing you through your second orgasm. It’s long and incredible, and it crashes over you so hard it feels like more than just one, but he continues to fuck you through it, getting himself off. He presses you into the bed, and you admire the way his muscles flex, and the way he clenches his jaw while he’s coming undone.

He is so beautiful.

Finally he collapses on you, catching his breath before he rolls off. You both take a moment to let your thoughts catch up, labored breaths filling the room.   “Wow,” He finally says, and once again, all you can do is nod. 

Breathlessly he stands, grabbing his boxers to tug on before he winks and leaves the room. When he comes back minutes later, he has two glasses of wine in hand and you grin, you picked a good one. 

“Wow, if I wasn’t in love with you before I sure am after that little performance. Now this?” You smile, taking the glass. “You’ve out done yourself.”

“Anything to impress you,” He teases, clinking his glass against yours. 

You lay there for another few hours, tangled in the sheets just talking more. And you’re wondering if it’s possible to fall back in love in less than ten hours. 

Eventually Jay nods off, and when you look at your phone you realize it’s six in the morning. 

You didn’t exactly plan on staying at the bar later than eleven, work at nine usually is enough to prevent you from going home with a guy but apparently Jay doesn’t count. 

You don’t really want to leave but you should probably go home and shower, so you quietly put on your clothes, trying your hardest not to wake Jay up in the process. Before you go, you steal his phone, going to settings to get his number so you can shoot him a quick text goodbye. 

You’re typing as you sneak out of his bedroom, writing out a cute message about how much fun you had when a voice scares you. 

“Looks like you guys aren’t fighting anymore,” 

With your startle you accidentally press send on your unfinished text, muttering a shit as you look up to see who’s talking to you. If you remember correctly, it’s Jay’s brother, his hair still as fiery red as ever. 

When he sees you he freezes. You’re obviously not who he was expecting because he stutters out, “You’re not Erin,” 

And no, you’re not. 

You feel your stomach drop, and you’re praying that the best night of your life isn’t about to get ruined, but by the dire look on his face, it is. “Who’s Erin?” You mumble, and Will’s face falls, like he actually feels bad for you. 

“Jay’s girlfriend.” He whispers.

Your whole body goes still, a cold impulse spreading throughout your body as you realize what you just did. You can’t bring yourself to say anything else, you just run out of the apartment as fast as you can. 

You’re not really thinking, just acting as you walk down the street, clicking fast on your phone to order an uber, anything to keep you from actually digesting what just happened. 

And that’s how the morning continues, you don’t stop for a minute, occupying your thoughts with literally anything other than him. It works for a while, you can keep your mind off him while you shower and get ready for work, but then you’re sat at your desk, staring at your phone that has not stopped ringing since you sat down. 

It’s an unknown number but you know exactly who it is. There’s seven missed calls, numerous texts but you’re not looking at any of them. You’re busy thinking of what happens now.

What if she finds out? What if she finds out and finds you? You’ve maximized jumping to conclusions and gone straight for diving off a cliff into a lake of worst case scenarios. 

There’s more missed calls and texts by the time lunch rolls around, you’ve had concerned comments from just about everyone of your coworkers, but it’s easy to brush off their worry, your own however? Just about impossible.

How is it that you became a home wrecker without even knowing? Was there some sign of her that you missed? Because you feel like you should have known. 

You’re still sitting at your desk, staring blankly at a computer that has yet to be turned on today when your receptionist, Maggie, knocks on your office door. 

She looks like a deer in the headlights, eyes wide as she says, “There’s a client here to see you,”

“I don’t have any appointments today...” It’s Friday, you never schedule client meetings on Fridays. 

“I told him that, but he says it’s urgent.” 

For her sake, because she looks terrified, you roll your eyes and nod. “Okay send him in.”

She steps aside and then your client is sauntering into the room, badge on display for everyone, including poor Maggie to see.

“Is this a fucking joke?” You cry, and Maggie nearly jumps out of her skin. You want to tell her to drag his ass out of here but she’s clearly had enough excitement for one day so you dismiss her with clenched teeth, eyes unwavering from the shithead in front of you.

“Are you kidding me, Jay?” You growl, “Showing up here? I’m working. How the hell did you even find me?”

“I’m a cop, Y/N. I found you in two minutes,” He shuts the door behind Maggie and you can see the intrigued glances from your coworkers. “And besides I wouldn’t have showed up here unannounced if you would just pick up the phone when I called.” He argues, and you scoff. 

“Do you actually think you deserve that? After what you did?” 

“You never let me explain!” 

“What can you possibly have to explain, Jay? You turned me into a homewrecker!”

“I didn’t mean to-,” He starts, but you cut him off. 

“I asked if you were with anyone! You said no!” 

“You asked if I was with Abby.” He counters, “I didn’t lie.”

Your eyes go wide, jaw nearly dropping to the floor. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. That’s your excuse? A technicality?”

He shrugs, and you resist the urge to throw your penholder at him. “Who is Erin, Jay?”

“My girlfriend.” He admits, and you actually reach for your ammunition, but he continues, “Sort of.” 

“She uh, we haven’t been on the best terms lately, we were living together, but I moved in with Will a little while ago to give her some space. She got offered a job with the FBI in New York.”

“But you’re still together.” You state, and Jay winces. 

“Technically?” Now it’s your turn to cringe. “I went to her apartment before work yesterday, to try and talk through things but she was gone. Her place was completely clear. I didn’t even tell Will. That’s why I was at that bar last night, I was drinking my sorrows away.” 

“How am I supposed to believe you?” You whisper, teary eyed. You’re trying to take in everything he’s saying but you just don’t know if you trust him...

With a pained look Jay picks up him phone tilting it so you can see while he scrolls through his contacts, stopping on a name with a blue heart by it. He clicks on her name, and a picture of the two of them comes up as the line rings once, and then an automated voice chimes in. 

The number you have dialed is no longer in service. 

“I’ve sent her a hundred texts messages, but none of them have delivered.” He says, and his bottom lip is quivering. “You have to believe me, we’re over.” 

It sure seems that way... But the pain of thinking you were the other woman has quickly been replaced by the pain of realizing you’re the rebound. 

There’s no good outcome, any which way you spin this.

“So I was a rebound then?” You say, voice nearly breaking. 

He can’t say no to that, and it hurts you even more. “I don’t-, I don’t know. But I needed you last night. I saw you and I didn’t even think about her for the entire night. I felt okay for the first time since leaving mine and Erin’s empty apartment and I wanted to hold onto that. I still do.”

“Jay,” You whisper, “I don’t know if I can be that for you... It feels like high school all over again. Your second choice, again.” 

“You won’t be.” He reassures you, and then he steps forward to pull you into his arms and you shouldn’t let him but you do. “I promise you won’t be a second choice.” 

He can’t really promise that, though. He can try and you convince you of that, but he’s always been someone else’s. Never yours to lose. Tears roll down your cheeks and you try to pull away from him, but he’s not letting go. 

“I’m not ready to say goodbye to you yet.” 

.....

taglist: @nevertoofarfromivar​ @samanthavitale​ @malrunaway​ @bluecrush129​

[phoebe-delia]

I love your song fics and you’re ability to draw the essence (?) of the song and put it into words.

BUT (you know I love giving you a challenge) could you draw the essence of 1989 or Reputation (the whole album!) and put it into a fic? Maybe put how the overall album makes you feel or something like that.

Ignore if it does not spark any inspiration, but Id love to see what you’d do!

@lyssarose Lyssa, love, your asks and prompts always make me so excited; you continue to fill my ask box with inspiration. I can't thank you enough. This is such an interesting idea! I love both reputation and 1989, and I ultimately decided to go with reputation for this challenge, since I think the storytelling on that album as a whole is more cohesive than on 1989. Also, reputation as an album really reminds me of Draco, and by extension Drarry.

This was a challenge, but I think I've managed to do it? I've already done a song from reputation for the Drarry/Taylor series, "Call It What You Want," and while I do think this will be similar I'm hopeful it'll be different enough.

If anyone's wondering, I've drawn inspiration from "I Did Something Bad," "Delicate" and "King of My Heart" because I think these three songs in particular really encapsulate the essence/themes of the album.

Rated M for language/reference to smut

So, before we begin, there's only one thing left to say:

1, 2, 3, Let's go bitch!!

Satisfaction twisted in Draco's chest, hot and sharp; he looked at the man who used to be Father but who would now and forever be Lucius. The man's hair was thinning and becoming more silver than blond. Draco rubbed a hand over his own clean-shaven face, relishing the jealousy the flared in Lucius's eyes. Father had always liked his face free of stubble.

Apparently, there wasn't any shaving cream in Azkaban; or razors, for that matter.

Lucius winced. Draco smirked.

He checked his watch and resisted the urge to tap his foot against the leg of the stool upon which he was perched. He'd been sitting in front of the cell for seven minutes, and neither of them had said a word. And while Draco loved a silent game of chicken as much as the next proud Slytherin, he also had no desire to spend his free time staring at the man he would've been if it wasn't for Harry.

Harry, who was waiting for him at home. Harry, who loved hearing Draco's stories of petty revenge against Lucius; delighted in them, in fact.

Draco stood smoothly from the stool and regarded the other man, enjoying for the second time that afternoon his new height advantage over Lucius. He looked down his aristocratic nose and twisted his face into a perfect imitation of his arrogant sneer from boyhood. Harry would be proud.

"Well, Lucius, as riveting as it's been to catch up, I'm afraid I must depart. My boyfriend awaits."

Lucius's voice was rough from lack of use. "Boyfriend?" He spat, his tone impressively derisive for a man with no reason for pride. "No son of mine is bent."

Draco laughed humorlessly. "I ceased being your son the moment you forced me to join Voldemort." He chuckled again when Lucius flinched. "I suppose I should be more aware of my company. Harry's gotten me in that habit."

Lucius's eyes widened comically, and Draco smirked again.

"Oh, did I not mention my partner's name? How silly of me. I suppose I could bring him here to introduce you--oh, wait. I believe you've met. Surely you remember Harry Potter? A boy in my year? You tried to kill him several times?"

"So did you, as I recall. Or is your memory that selective?"

Draco smirked. "Harry was closer to killing me than I did him. And besides, I've found that sucking cock is a fantastic way to apologize. He and I have a lot of regrets, so we've got plenty of practice,"

Lucius choked, bracing himself on the cell wall.

Draco let out an affected sigh. "Well, I'd better be off. I'm running late to meet Harry. I suppose I'll have to find some way to make it up to him..." He winked at Lucius and walked away, moving through the hallway and past the guards to the exit.

Once on the street, he leaned up against a nearby wall and cast a privacy charm. He took out his mobile, listening to it ring against his ear.

"Hello?" Harry's cheerful voice, even through the phone, was comforting.

"Hey," Draco didn't bother to hide the emotions that formed a lump in his throat.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" It was difficult to stifle the amusement and affection that fluttered in Draco's chest at Harry's immediate concern. "Did he hurt you?"

Draco closed his eyes. "No, he didn't--he couldn't. It was so gratifying and even fun to flaunt my happiness in front of him, but at the same time he's..." Draco swallowed. "He's still my..." He resented the tears the welled up in his eyes, and the way his voice cracked.

"Draco, it's okay. That's normal. It's okay to love and hate him."

"I don't want to! The only people in my life I want to love are Mother, Pansy, Blaise, and you, and he doesn't deserve it!"

"Love, breathe, " Harry's voice was steady, patient. "Come home, alright? I have spaghetti carbonara nearly finished for you. Let's talk about it in person so I can hold you, okay?"

"Are you sure? I don't want to--you shouldn't have to comfort me about this, about him. You, of all people, Merlin, I--"

"Hey! Hey, Draco, I want to. We're a team, babe. Let me be there for you."

Draco let out a shaky breath. "Okay, I'll be there soon. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Draco hung up and canceled the spell. He walked quickly to the Apparition point. While grief still ached in his chest, he still felt the warmth of hope and relief spread throughout his body. He picked up the pace, not wanting to waste another second away from Harry when he pictured a night of pasta, cuddling, and slow, wine-scented kisses on the couch.

He felt the beginning of a smile curve his lips.

Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

[writseo]

Nathan Prescott | I Can’t Believe My Heart

Word Count: 1.3K 

Tagging: @sacredwarrior88​

Warnings: None

I’ve been taught, I’ve learned the hard way that life and love are never just. 

“Are you okay?” 

You were walking by the trail of lockers, right next to Stella. It had only been a few days since your ex had broken it off with you. You didn’t really like the relationship too much, but it still felt like home. It was filled with security, or at least you thought so. When he tore off the band-aid, confessed how his attraction had died down so drastically for you over the years, you swore to yourself to never go back. To never go back to such a vulnerable place only to let someone take a hit to beat you down. Last night, you had been crying yourself in your pillow for the third time that day. Now, you were numb. Afraid, but mainly numb and just wanted to isolate yourself in your dorm. 

“Are you okay?” You looked towards Stella.

“Yeah, I just need a bit of time to gather myself.” 

That was 8 months ago. Despite the fact that the wounds were just finally healing, the pain still lingered like a bruise. The wounds were okay when untouched but once it was pressed, it ached. 

You were sitting in your desk, waiting for Jefferson to continue on with his lesson and tell you about the project that he had set up for all of you. 

“You will be assigned a partner and an artist. I want you to both work together to try to replicate this historical figure’s work, through a pair of camera lenses, do you all understand?” Some groans and low “Yeah”s filled the room, “Okay, I have a list set up.”

As Jefferson walked over to his desk, you noticed some giggling from the side of the room. Looking over, you spotted a certain teen, speaking to the other students with a similar jacket to his. You didn’t really like him, in fact, you thought he was a bit annoying. Nathan had always been a constant distraction in the classroom. You couldn’t stand him though, you just wanted to pass the class and yet he would somehow make it harder, even though he never really spoke to you directly nor did he probably even know your name. Jefferson reached back to the center of the room, pushing Nathan out of the conversation he had with his friends. 

“Victoria and Taylor, Joseph Nicéphore Niépce… Nathan and (Y/N), Alfred Steiglitz…” Your mind trailed off. You already worked with his people like him before. It wouldn’t be a surprise if he left the whole project for you to do. You looked over to Nathan, seeing him tilt his head. It wasn’t like he was familiar to your name. You were rarely called on, barely spoke to him either. You wished it was the same for you. 

And if you trust, you're just one of the fools.

After several classes of trying your best to get the perfect shot, the one that would end up skyrocketing your grade, you and Nathan had seemed to get… closer. As you worked to get the different angles right, the two of you would make small chats. And when it became darker, so did the small conversations that took place. One minute, it went from living in Arcadia Bay to how his father expects so much from him. You didn’t expect it though. You had always been taught to believe that Nathan Prescott was just another… well, Prescott. You forgot how he was still a person though, with feelings, who suffered from rumours more than anyone else did. The annoyance in your head would soon change towards your stomach, then to butterflies. At first, you thought it was because of the sudden attention. No one listened or looked at you as much as he did, especially in such a tedious manner. You thought that maybe it was just nerves, until you started noticing his fluffy hair. And his blue, sparkling eyes. Or perhaps the way he would always be playing with his fingers in such a tense way. 

“What are you looking at?” He snapped at you from the park’s bench. You were trying to capture a melancholic picture, though your camera was facing towards the streets and your eyes were in a different direction, eyeing a different picture. Even though you had grew a slight friendship with the boy, it never stopped him from giving you the sass that helped entertain you. 

“Nothing, sorry,” You said, shyly. You then went back to your camera, and continued on with your efforts. 

Pull it together, you thought, you already have enough shit going on. Don’t add onto it with this, again. 

And now I can’t believe my heart, is saying I don’t resist him 

Somehow, in his little sociopathic heart, he felt a bit of guilt. All the work was laid on you, Nathan had nothing to take part in it. The least he could do was take you to get some lunch, or even dinner. 

“They have the best pancakes,” Nathan claimed, enthusiastically as he held open the door for you. Even though you felt irritated in a small sense, your heart still jumped when you felt his gaze on your back as you entered the restaurant. 

“Where do you want to sit?” 

“Anywhere.” 

When you made your way to the booth that was all the way in the back, you felt his hand graze against your body. You didn’t want the shiver to pass through your spine. But you did, and you felt how intoxicating the boy was. For a moment, you almost paused. At least until the hand retreated back and you began to miss the sweet feeling. 

Later that night, you would be on your bed, curled up into a little ball, crying your eyes out. You played this game too many times. You couldn’t play it again. 

That I've been on my guard too long.

Even though you wanted nothing more than to be separated from him, that didn’t stop the small happiness from slipping through you when he would come closer. When the project ended and you both had already finished it up, you felt excited when you found him making his way towards you. Nathan didn’t really have a purpose, none that you know of. So it made you smile when you found that he liked you enough to hang out with you willingly. 

Once the class had ended, you found the man making his way towards your table. You pretended to be busy, putting away books and rummaging through your bag so you wouldn’t have to make eye contact. 

“(Y/N)?” you looked up, “Can we meet up at the lighthouse? I want to show you something.”

You nodded and mumbled a small “sure.” Giving you a quick small smile, he walked back off. 

I can't believe my heart~

You walked up the hill, following the signs. It was almost night, stars were beginning to shine. The bench that usually laid empty was occupied by a familiar full head of hair. He then turned around and glanced at you. He stood up and walked himself towards you. With each stride, your heart began to pound louder and louder. You managed to take out a leg and made your way towards Nate.  

“You are here,” he said. You nodded. 

“In the flesh.”

“I want to ask you something,” he nipped at his lips and scratched his top of his head with his left hand. 

“Is everything okay?” You were concerned, especially when he started fidgeting with his hands a bit. 

“I was thinking that we should go out sometime, like as a date?” Nathan looked at you, waiting for your response as a light blush took over his cheeks. 

~Surrendered when I kissed him.

“Sure, why not?” 

[det-loki]

poison & wine pt. eight

You give me love, give me love Until it breaks my back

warnings: angst, blood mention

pairing: detective loki x fem reader

word count: 2,162

A/N: close to the end! sorry for the delay

 1  2  3  4  5  6  7 ⌽

The car ride over to Bob Taylor’s house was uncomfortably silent. David’s hands gripped the steering wheel till his knuckles were white, jaw clenched as he stared ahead. 

“When are we going to talk about everything? We can’t keep running on autopilot.” You broke the silence as Loki’s jaw ticked, his hands tightening around the wheel. 

“Let’s just focus on this case, okay?” You hated when he did this. He silenced himself, avoiding everything until it simmered over, emotions exploding out of control. You remained silent, deciding it was better to not add more fuel to the fire. 

You arrived at the house which was covered with various cars and forensic teams. You got out of the car quickly, tugging your coat tighter as the wind chilled through you, following David as he talked to Rich, who was a part of the forensics team and running point on the scene. 

The brown dying grass crunched under your boot clad feet as you walked up to a marked off area in the yard, two analysts working to uncover two kid sized department store mannequins that had been buried with their heads caved in from the frozen ground. 

Rich looked at Loki as he spoke, “I just talked to our lab guys, and they told me that all the blood that we sampled from the plastic containers- pig’s blood.” 

You moved from the yard to inside in the kitchen, mazes still littered across the walls. Multiple people were inside the home, taking pictures of evidence and booking it. Listening to Rich continue to speak, “It’s like he’s play-acting. I mean, case in point. Except for the few items I.D.’d by the Dovers and the Birches, all the kids’ clothes that we found still had the tags on them. And that maze book that we found, he made it. Photocopies, pictures from this book that we found in the attic. Ex-F.B.I. agent wrote that.” You wondered who would go through the trouble of doing all that, but you had to remind yourself of the case you were dealing with. Nothing was ‘textbook.’

You looked down at the red and black book in the evidence bag as Loki read the title out loud, fingers grazing over the cover through the plastic of the bag, eyebrows furrowed, ‘Finding The Invisible Man.’ 

“Yeah, it’s about a theoretical suspect that he believed was responsible for a bunch of child abductions. It’s totally discredited, I guess, but I read some of it.” Rich explained to both you and Loki as you rocked on the balls of your feet. 

Loki cut Rich off, “Taylor- Taylor was abducted when he was a kid. He ran away after three weeks. And the capture drugged him on some sort of LSD/ketamine cocktail.” When you and Loki learned of the use of the ketamine cocktail, your eyes darted to each other, a silent understanding between the two of you. Broken, forever; everything connected in this shit town you called home. Loki continued speaking, “He never remembered. They never caught the guy.”

“Okay, so...he read the book and decided he was taken by the invisible man. Now he’s doing his best imitation, right?” 

Rich stared at Loki, waiting for a response, “Yeah, he was doing his best imitation. He killed himself last night.” Loki turned away, walking away from you and Rich, stopping in the doorway to study the mazes on the wall as Rich turned to him, “How did he do that? I thought he was in custody.”

“It’s a long story.” Your response was short, voice cracking with exhaustion, details weren’t needed. Your hands were still stained with red, you constantly felt the need to scrub them raw under hot water until they bled. The urge hit you again last night at home in the shower, sending you into a crying mess on the shower floor, scaring David when he heard your sobs through the door. He was worried about you. And himself, you two were getting bad again, the feeling was familiar, similar to how you felt after the funeral. Indescribable pain. 

Loki turned to you, asking for the map Taylor drew as he stepped closer in your direction. You take it out of your coat pocket with a gloved hand, handing it to David who snatches it out of your hand. He pointed to it aggressively as he spoke to Rich, “Hey, Taylor drew this. It’s a map to the bodies. It’s a map to the bodies and we found the same design on a pendant that we pulled off that corpse the other day. There’s a connection, okay?” Loki spoke with growing intensity as Rich looked at him dumbfounded, obviously lost with Loki’s explanation. 

“The connection is that it’s the last maze in the book.” Loki scoffed at Rich, upset with him for not understanding the point he was trying to make. Rich continued, “I did it. It’s unsolvable. There’s no way out. Your corpse is another wannabe who read the book.” Loki had spent hours trying to find a way out of the maze, each failure feeling more and more doomed. 

Loki stormed away from him, “What are you saying to me, Rich? What are you saying to me? What are you saying? That-that this guy is a fake? You’re saying the girls are still out there somewhere?” Here was the one big difference between you and Loki. You had hope the girls were still alive, maybe you were ignorant, but you weren’t ready to accept the fact that two little girls were dead. Loki was coming to terms with the fact that they might be dead, his hope was dying out. Loki’s voice rose, your fingers digging into your palm as he spoke, “How did Bob Taylor get those clothes? How did-how did the parents positively I.D those clothes?!” At this point, Loki was yelling at Rich, looking at him expectantly. 

“That I can’t reconcile.” He walked past you and then Loki as Loki snaps at him, “You can’t reconcile that?”

“Just keep knockin’ on doors, lookin’ in windows.” At that, Rich disappeared through the doorway. 

Loki stood across from you, hand trailing through his hair, head snapping in your direction as you spoke, “Loki, maybe he’s right. The girls might be out there somewhere, we-” You stopped talking as Loki pulled out his notepad, flipping through pages quickly, obviously looking for something in particular. He flips to a page and stops, “The window.” That’s all you needed to hear before running to the car.

The car stopped abruptly in front of the Dovers, sending you lurching forward against the dashboard, Loki’s door already open, feet on the ground and running.  You followed him quickly, approaching the back of the house, staring up at the second story window that Grace Dover had said that had been opened the other night. Loki looked around before jumping the chain-link fence, crouching down under the window, looking for footprints or anything disturbed. He takes a pen out of his front coat pocket, balancing it in his fingers as he reaches into the bushes, pulling out a pink sock teetering on the pen. The same sock Keller positively I.D.’d as Anna’s. 

You were out of breath as you ran to the car for an evidence bag, your body too tired for the physical exertion. As you reach inside the glove compartment, your phone buzzes in your pocket. Answering it, your stomach dropped as Detective Chemelinski’s voice spoke in your ear. Joy Birch had been found. 

The hospital was cold as you entered, a chill running through your body, but not from the chill of the air. You hated hospitals. The elevator dings as you and Loki arrived the pediatric ward, doors sliding open and you wanted to puke, your throat raw and scratchy. It looked the exact same as it did when your little girl died here, same beige paint on the walls, the same as the rest of the hospital, only difference being the sickly bright yellow sun painted on the walls. The smell of antiseptic burned your nose, the fluorescent lights already starting a headache to pound in your skull. You pushed your emotions down as Loki exited the elevator, you trailing after him through the halls. 

“I said nobody’s allowed in that room but her family.” Loki barked orders to officers as you rounded the corner. Keller Dover came into view, David yelling out for him as he took off down the hall away from you. “Where you goin’?  

You stopped in front of Grace, “Where is he going?” She only shook her head, she had no idea. You took off running, multiple officers trailing you as bystanders stared at the scene unfolding in front of them. 

You and Loki took off down the hall after him, telling officers to not let him go. Bolting outside you see Keller’s truck slam over the parking lot median and on the highway, speeding down it. Loki and you turn back, sprinting for the car to follow him, your breaths coming out in clouds in front of you in the cold air. 

The tires screeched as Loki sped through the wet pavement of the parking lot; Loki pulled onto the highway, muttering to himself, “I got you now, fucker. I know where you’re goin’.”

The car pulled aggressively into the driveway of the old apartment building, Keller’s truck nowhere to be found. Loki slammed his hand down onto the steering wheel, “Fuck!” You jumped slightly at his outburst, adrenaline pumping through your views despite the feeling of pain in your entire body. He exited the car quickly, you following, your boots splashing through the muddy puddles as you advanced toward the boarded up building slowly.  

Above you, you could hear muffled screams, you and Loki reach for your guns as you near the door. Loki kicks the door open with a bang, entering the building with his gun drawn. Your heart was in your throat as you crept through the first floor, heading up the stairs towards the sound of muffles screams and banging. Your pulse was racing and your vision was blurry, exhaustion nipping at your heels every step you took, threatening to take you down. 

The screaming got louder as you got to the top of the stairs, wailing piercing the air. Your boots creak along the floorboards, you approach the room the screaming is coming from and the air escapes your lungs.

You see a boarded up area, the boards vibrated as whoever was behind it banged against it. You stood back, letting Loki enter as you reached for your radio and called for backup. Loki pries at the wood, it doesn’t budge at all, mocking you. The wailing continues, Loki calls out to the person, telling them to hold on. You clip your radio back onto your jeans and turn to look for anything to pry off the wood, not wanting to waste time by running back down to the car. 

You see a crowbar lying against a wall, and you thank god as you grab it, the metal heavy in your hand. Loki grabs the crowbar from you and begins to work his way through the wood. The minutes seem to drag by, each second longer than the last.

“Hey, just hold on for us in there okay?” You talk through the wall as Loki finally gets the panel off revealing a sight that shook you to your core. 

Alex Jones. Badly burned, bruised, bloody and beaten. He looked terrified, eyes wild with panic, whimpering in pain as he coward away from your gawking stares. 

You stood next to Loki as Alex was taken away by EMS, O’Malley stood in front of you, “Someone needs to notify the aunt and we need to get an idea of where Keller is.”

You spoke up next to Loki, “I’ll tell the aunt.” Loki looked at you with a confused expression as O’Mallley nodded and walked away. 

“I want to be the one to tell her, I’ll be fine, Loke.” You could tell by his expression that he was unsure about you going alone.

“Babe, if this is some karma thing for her-” It wasn’t. At least you didn’t think it was. Your little girl couldn’t be saved. You accepted that fact even if it tore your heart apart, forcing you to move on. 

You interrupted Loki, not allowing him to finish his sentence, “Don’t. It’s not. Find Keller, I’ll tell Holly. I'll text you, alright?”

Loki nodded curtly as he handed you the car keys, he’d get a car from the station, an uneasy look spread across his face. He didn’t have a good feeling about letting you go alone, but he knew better than to hold you back from doing your job. 

Little did he know that he would regret letting you go in alone more than words could describe.

tag list:  @lexie-wayland @whew-oh-em-gee @winterlavenderskysworld​ @buck-this-nasty @heeyirenee @pinkpunkdynamite @eleventhdoctorsangel @multiyfandomgirl40 @thanossexual​ @speedybonkuniversityzine​ @booklove103​ @curly-q3 @msfarr88​ @glittrguts​ @space-helen 

[lost-in-the-80s]

City Of Angels

Pairing: Axl Rose x reader

Words: 3,820k

Requested by: anon

Summary: You and Axl have been friends since childhood, but you haven’t seen each other since he left Lafayette. What would happen if the two of you met again, years later, at the city of angels? (fluff)

A/N: Dear anon, I hope you like it! <3 

Tag list: @roger-taylors-car @ladieswttda @teasid @metalheartofgold @slashscowboyboots @ginny-rose-sixx @rumoured-whispers @normatural @bigdaddylars​ add yourself to my taglist :)

“Fucking hell.” Axl complained as he walked down the streets of Los Angeles, he didn’t know where he was going, he had no plans that night. 

He was angry and upset, he didn’t know the reason too, he had just yelled at his drummer and realized that he needed to disappear for a while to get rid of that heavy feeling in his heart. He needed to calm down. 

The sun started to set, spreading orange and pink tones all over the city, and he would’ve been able to see its beauty if he wasn’t so irritated. 

He stopped at a corner, taking a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one. Tons of people passed by him, going to one way or another and he couldn’t help but feel lost. 

He had left his home three years ago, coming to the city of angels to chase his dream of being in a successful band, and even though he had a band, it seemed that his dreams were always out of hand reach. His band worked really hard, going from gig to gig and never complaining, not even when they had nowhere to live, or nothing to eat, but still, the so-called success seemed to be so far away.

“Fuck” He sighed blowing out some smoke.

Throwing the remains of his cigarette on the floor, he crossed the street, stopping abruptly when the smell of apple pie got his nostrils. He felt his stomach growl. How many hours since he had last eaten? Six? Seven? He couldn’t tell. 

Looking inside he saw a 60s inspired cafe, with light pink walls and white furniture, inside there were a few customers as well as three waitresses, with their mint green dresses. 

Searching for his wallet he sighed in relief when he saw a ten dollar bill inside. At least he could eat. 

Opening the glass door, a bell rang and all the customers looked at him for a second before focusing their attention on their food again. Inside the cafe, the smell was even stronger, making his stomach growl again. 

Taking a table at the end of the establishment, he waited until a waitress around his age came towards his table. Her hair was up in a bun and she had white nail polish on her nails, there was something about the way she walked that seemed familiar to him. 

“Good evening, how can I help you?” She was looking at her notepad but her voice made him realize it, it was Y/N, Axl had no doubt about that. 

The two of them had been friends ever since they were children, she lived in the house beside his in Lafayette, and every time his stepfather went too harsh on him, he’d run to her house and sit on her white fluffy area rug, feeling safe for at least a few hours. 

They weren’t similar though, to be honest, they were the complete opposite from each other, but music always linked the two of them together. Both of them used to sing at the church’s choir and as they grew up the two of them fell in love with Zeppelin. 

To be fair, Zeppelin wasn’t the only thing they fell in love with, since they fell for each other, but their friendship and their differences always stopped both of them from making a move. 

She was sweet and delicate and lived in a pink world, not that her life had been easy, her parents always demanded a lot from her and she never had a day without being judged or pressured by them, but she always saw the bright side of the story. And if you asked Axl, he’d tell you that she was the definition of what an angel should be.

And he? Well, he was brut and angry, a kid born with no future, a kid born with nothing to lose but himself. He came from a violent home and even though singing hadn’t been his own choice, that was one of the few things that he could use to express himself, and even with his constant pressure on himself for being optimistic, he had to admit that he sometimes just saw the bad side of everything. And if you asked Axl, he’d tell you that he was the definition of chaos.

He always thought the two of them shouldn’t be close, always thought that she should stay away from him, but he was selfish and the calmness and safety she passed him were too good for him to be able to part ways from her. 

As teens, they would spend hours walking around in a nearby forest, they had a place there, a place they liked to call theirs, it was by the river, and every sunny day they’d bring a blanket and lay there, watching the clouds until the sunset. 

He could still remember the last time they had been there, it wasn’t sunny, on the opposite, it was raining, and she had heard screams coming from a discussion in his house and opened her window, waiting for when he’d climb it and lay his head on her lap, while she’d run her fingers through his hair to calm him down. 

But he didn’t even go in that direction, going straight to the forest, making her realize that something serious had happened. Jumping out of her window, she chased him all the way until they reached the river, the heavy rain hitting the water disabling them from listening to anything other than the rain. 

“Billy!” She shouted over the rain, and he turned around, facing her, her hair was all soaked, as well as her clothes, and he thought that he probably looked the same way. 

“Not now, Y/N!” He gesticulated with his arm before turning around. 

“Hey, talk to me!” She touched his shoulder, but he didn’t look, still facing the river. 

She moved, stopping in front of him. “What happened?” She seemed worried as she tried to take her wet locks away from her face. 

He looked into her eyes, but he had no words. “I’m leaving.”  He shouted over the rain.

“What?” She frowned

“I’m going to L.A.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.” 

“What? Why?” She couldn’t believe what was happening. 

“There’s nothing for me here.” 

Ouch.

There was silence for a few seconds, and then he cupped her face with both hands, trying to catch all her attention. 

“Come with me!” 

“What?” 

“Come with me to California! Fuck this place, let’s go together, just you and me!”

“You know I can’t.”

He growled, letting go of her face and pacing around before asking: “Why?”

“My life is here, Billy, my parents would never accept this.”

“Fuck your parents!” He yelled, making her widen her eyes. “Fuck them! They will spend your entire life manipulating you, making you kill your dreams so that you can fulfill theirs, and you know that! You know that I’m right!” 

She opened her mouth, but no words came out of it. 

“What about your dreams of being a painter? Huh? What happened to that little girl who loved painting?” 

“It’s not like that. You know I would starve as a painter, no one can pay their bills by painting.”

“That’s bullshit! That’s what your parents want you to believe!” He stopped in front of her again, calming his tone of voice. “Please, Y/N, come with me.”

“I- I can’t.” 

So in the next morning, with all his stuff packed, he waited for the bus that would drive him to Los Angeles, he hated leaving her behind, but she had made her choice, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

The bus parked and he was about to climb its stairs when her voice yelling his name caught his attention. He stopped in his tracks, turning around to see her running towards him. 

She enveloped him in a hug, letting go of the floor for a few seconds, almost making the two of them fall. He dropped his bag on the floor, hugging her back, smelling deeply on her perfume and smiling. Maybe she changed her mind, he thought.

“I knew you would change your mind.” He said when they parted ways. 

But his smile faded as soon as he saw the sadness in her eyes, she wasn’t coming. 

“I’m sorry, Billy.” She tried to smile. 

“It’s okay, don’t be sad.” He caressed her face, trying to keep a normal expression, at least to avoid her from crying. “Take care of yourself, ok?” He removed his hand from her face, picking up his bag and turning around. 

“Wait.” She grabbed his arm, making him stop. 

He looked at her as she removed her necklace, a simple and delicate golden chain with her initial letter on it. “Take it with you.” She placed it in his hand, holding herself not to cry. 

He looked at the material for a while, before leaning in and kissing her forehead. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

He turned around and entered the bus. 

“Goodbye, Billy.” She whispered as a single tear left her eye when the bus drove down the street. 

And now, looking at her right in front of him, he couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips. 

 He was taking a long time to reply, so she raised her head, ready to repeat her question when her eyes met his and a huge smile took over her face.

“Billy.” She whispered.

“Hello, Y/N.” He got up, and before he could think, her arms were around him.  

Someone clearing their throat in the background made them pull apart from each other. 

Looking to the side Axl saw an old lady with her nose crisped as she pointed at Y/N with a pen. She mouthed a “Sorry.” towards the lady before turning towards Axl.

“I can’t really talk now, but I’m free in one and a half hours, if you want to wait for me…” She bit her bottom lip, afraid that he’d say no and she wouldn’t ever see him again. 

“Oh sure, I’ll be right here….” He sat down again, looking at the table and grabbing the newspaper that was on top of it. “reading the newspaper.” He smiled at her. 

“Oh, okay then.” She returned the smile, turning around and starting to move behind the counter, before coming back to the table. 

“Ah sorry, I forgot to ask what do you want to eat?” She giggled and Axl smiled again, he had missed that sound. 

“Apple pie.” 

“Sure! Want some coffee too?”

“Sounds great to me.”

“Ok, I’ll be right back.” 

And that one and half hour seemed to pass by in just a few minutes, watching her kept him entertained enough to didn’t even see the time passing by.

She returned from the kitchen with a denim jacket in her hands as she walked towards him. 

“My shift’s over, lets go?”

“Ah, sure!” He got up, placing the money on the table and following her outside. 

They walked for a few minutes before they sat down at a bench on the sidewalk.

“You look so handsome.” She whispered, touching his face lightly. 

Axl leaned into her touch, closing his eyes. “I thought I’d never see you again.” 

“Me neither, I spent a good while trying to find you and Jeff, but never found anything.” She shrugged. 

“It’s probably because nobody knows us by those names.”

She frowned. 

“I’m Axl now, and everybody calls him Izzy.” 

“Axl.” She repeated, seeing as his eyes shone with happiness. “It suits you better than Bill.” She giggled. “But I can’t promise not to get confused in the first days.”

“It’s ok, you can call me whatever you want.” He smiled. “For how long have you been here?” 

“Little more than a year.” 

“Fuck, so you’ve been around for more than a year and I had never seen you.” He shook his head. 

“It’s fine, everything has the right time to happen.” She smiled softly. 

“What happened to your Lafayette plans?” 

“I thought my life was there, I was happy and thought that I had everything I needed there, but after you left nothing seemed good enough, after you left nothing made sense anymore, especially living there.”

“Didn’t your parents freak out?”

“What do you think?” She laughed lightly. “But they couldn’t stop me, I had some saved money and was an adult, so I simply packed my stuff and left while they were in church.”

He laughed lightly, before reaching inside his shirt and holding a thin golden chain, the necklace she had given him, making her gasp. "I’ve been using it every day." He smiled slightly.

"I can't believe you still have it." She leaned closer, touching the pendant for a few seconds before returning to her previous position.

“And how are things going for you here?”

Axl’s lips turned into a thin line. “Things have been kinda rough, I got a band, this is actually my third band here, but it’s not easy to survive without a label.”

“Is it too difficult to get a label?”

“Yeah, we had an offer last month, but they wanted to change lots of things, we would stop being us, you know?” 

She nodded slowly.

“We have a meeting with another label next week, let’s hope they have a better deal.”

“They will, I’m sure about it.” She reached out, touching his hand. 

“Where do you live here?” 

“I share an apartment with the two other waitresses, it’s 10 minutes walking from here. What about you?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s complicated, we don’t have an official place yet, we’re staying at Izzy’s girlfriend’s apartment this month.” 

“Oh, I see. So he’s got a girlfriend.” She smiled. 

“Yes, her name’s Angela, she’s nice.”

“That’s good to hear, Jeff, I mean, Izzy has always been a nice guy.” 

“Yeah.”

“What about you, found yourself a girl?”

“I found one, a long time ago, but she never wanted me.” He looked straight into her eyes, burning her soul.

“She must be dumb then.” She smiled, touching his shoulder to comfort him, trying to hide her sadness.

“Yeah, she must be.” He shook his head. “You know what? I should introduce you to the rest of the guys, they’re gonna love you, and Izzy’s gonna be happy to see you again.” 

“Re-really? You want me to meet them?”

“Yeah! Why not?”

“O-Okay then.”

“Do you have any plans on Saturday?”

She shook her head. “Nope, it’s my free day.”

“We have a gig at The Roxy, ever heard of?” 

She nodded. “I saw a few gigs there.”

“Nice! Our gig starts at 2 am, but they’ll have bands playing all night. You should come over.”

She widened her eyes about the time, but agreed on going nonetheless. 

So here she was, entering The Roxy at 9 o’clock on Saturday, wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a black tank top, she moved among the countless people inside, until she found a nice spot near the stage. 

Three bands played before Axl’s band and she had to admit that was having a good time, the bands were good, but her stomach flipped and twitched with butterflies just with the thought of seeing Axl again. 

His band came on stage and his eyes scanned the place until he found her, smiling in her direction. 

Guns n Roses, as they called themselves, were amazing, way better than the previous bands from that night, and even though she was slightly sleepy because of how late it was, she enjoyed every minute of it. 

Every chance he got, Axl moved near her, singing the lyrics to her, and looking at her at every moment to see her reaction towards his band and the ways he swayed onstage. 

The gig was finally over, another band took their spot and Guns n Roses moved backstage, but not before Axl could give her a gesture to go backstage with them. 

The place was the size of a normal living room, there were two dark purple velvet couches and one four armchairs with a black area rug, the walls were filled with pictures from bands that had played there and there was a large table full of booze near one of the windows. 

Members from the previous bands were everywhere, drinking, smoking and making out with girls, her eyes widened when she saw one of the vocalists receiving a blowjob at one of the couches, making her turn her head in the other direction, ending up facing Axl.

“Hey, sorry, I know this place’s a mess right now.”

“It’s ok,” she managed to say, even though she wasn’t comfortable there at all.

“Come, I’ll introduce you to them.” He offered her his hand, which she happily took. They walked to the other side of the room, avoiding the people who were in the middle of the way, until they stopped in front of the other couch, sitting there were his other bandmates.

“Y/N, these are Slash, Duff, Steven and you already know Izzy.” He pointed to each one of them. “Guys, this is Y/N.”

They all waved or said “hi”. They seem friendly, she thought.

“Wanna beer?” Duff asked as he got up. 

“Uh… sure.”

“Come, let’s sit there.” Axl pointed to a free armchair, where they had to squeeze to sit together. 

Soon enough, Duff came back with a beer for each one of them, before sitting in his previous place. 

And together, Y/N and Axl engaged in conversation and didn’t even see the time passing by, they didn’t feel tired, they didn’t feel lost, they felt at home, and that was the moment that the two of them realized that all these years, home had never been Lafayette, home had always been the two of them.

Even the guys noticed it, it was obvious, really, the way their eyes shone when they spoke to each other, the way they smiled all the time and how in peace they seemed to be. Even with the loud music and the stink of sweat and alcohol, they seemed to be fair away, in a warm and safe place, just the two of them. 

“I’m thirsty, do you want something to drink?” Axl asked, getting up. 

“No, I’m fine, thank you.” 

Nodding he moved towards the booze table, leaving her with an uncomfortable expression as she looked at the boys. 

“You didn’t change a thing,” Izzy spoke up.

“Your hair is longer.” She noted.

“Yeah.” He gave a nasal laugh. “It’s good to have you back Y/n/N, Axl’s better when you’re around.”

She smiled, feeling her cheeks burn as the other boys looked at her. “It’s good being around again.” 

Izzy focused on his cigarette again and Y/N looked back, trying to find Axl, he was talking to a blonde girl, she was touching him every few seconds, it was noticeable that she was into him. 

He probably wants to go home with her and I’m stopping him from doing so. She thought, as another wave of sadness took her.

“I think I’m going home.” She got up, stretching her jeans.

“Now? Won’t you wait for Axl at least?” Izzy asked. 

“Nah, he’s busy and I have to work early tomorrow. Tell him I said goodbye.” She started to walk. 

“It was really nice meeting you guys, I loved your gig!” She smiled, before opening the back door and leaving the place.

Outside, a cool breeze involved her, making her hug herself to try to keep her warm. She sighed before starting to walk down the street. 

“He’ll always see you just like a friend.” She mumbled to herself as she turned in a corner. 

On backstage, Axl came back, but found Y/N nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Y/N?” He asked.

“She left.” Slash replied.

“What? When?”

“A few minutes ago.”

“Fuck.” He sat down, running his fingers through his hair in an exasperated way. 

“Axl, go after her!” Izzy spoke up, catching his attention. “Ever since I know you that you like this girl, don’t let her go away, go find her.”

“Seriously, man, even we noticed the way you look at each other.”

Axl leaned against the armchair. “She would never want me like that. We are too different.”

“Bullshit,” Slash said.

“You don’t know her, man.”

“But I do, so listen to me:” Izzy started. “How many years have you wasted because of this stupid fear of rejection? Go after her and tell her how you feel before it’s too late, dumbass!” 

He said nothing, just placed his beer on the floor and thought for a few seconds, before standing up quickly and leaving the bar, running down the street as fast as he could. 

He ran until he started to feel tired and her figure showed up at the end of the street, hugging herself from the cold wind as she walked slowly towards her place. 

Jogging a little, he removed his leather jacket, placing it on her shoulders, making her jump startled. 

“It’s not polite to leave without saying goodbye.” He stopped in front of her, making her stop moving. 

“I told Izzy to say goodbye to me.” She moved to the side, trying to keep on walking, but Axl blocked her again.

“Why did you leave?”

“I thought I was stopping you from getting all the girls.” She replied simply, she was too tired and sad to keep on lying.

“Then you really are dumb after all.” He laughed slightly.

“What?” 

“I would never want them. You know why?”

“Because you are….” She stopped, thinking for a while and she widened her eyes before saying. “gay!?”

“No, idiot, because I love you.”

Her mind went numb for a second, and her brain just started working again when she felt his lips delicately press against hers for a few seconds before moving away. 

“Wait, are you telling me that you love me? Like love love? Not as in friends?” 

“Yess, dumbass, I love love you.” He laughed again, leaning in to kiss her again, but she stopped him. 

“Wait! Since when?”

“Since we were 15 or so.” He smiled, leaning in, just to be stopped one more time. 

“So you’re telling me that all this time we could’ve been together!” 

“Basically.” He shrugged.

“But-” He rolled his eyes.

“Will you let me kiss you or not?” 

She giggled, “I think you need a little more patience, Mr. Bailey.” 

He rolled his eyes at the sound of his last name, before leaning in and finally kissing her lips. She moved her hands to his face and his hands found her waist, bringing her closer to deepen the kiss. 

“I love love you too.” She said when they pulled apart. 

“Good to know.” He smiled before involving her in another passionate kiss.

[caspianjames]

BONUS Up And Coming: Julie and the Phantoms

Up and Coming: Julie and the Phantoms Jennifer McCreedy, Junior Correspondent 

On this month’s issue of Up and Coming I had the privilege of sitting down with one of America’s biggest up and coming bands, Julie and the Phantoms. Julie Molina (17), Reggie Peters (18), Alex Mercer (17), and Luke Patterson (17) began rapidly gaining popularity as YouTube stars last fall. They created music videos for songs they wrote themselves, editing them to appear as if the band were ghosts “popping in” behind Julie. Don’t understand what I mean? You can click here to check it out for yourself!

The band has a strong air of camaraderie, and it’s the first thing I notice when I walk into the room with them. They’re all piled on our big interview couch, Molina and Mercer are pressed together whispering. Patterson is bantering with Peters and flicks him in the forehead. They’re like any group of teenagers bordering on adulthood, excited and eager to please. It’s immediately apparent that to all of them, the band has a deep meaning of friendship and support. 

Of course, the first topic of conversation was about the band - what inspired the structure of their music videos, how they got their name, and which came first - the ghost music videos or the ghost band! 

“Since my mom died, my brother has really been into ghosts,” Molina explained to me. “It was actually his idea for the band to pop in like that. My dad does videography as his job, so he was able to help us film and edit. My best friend, Flynn Taylor, came up with the band name.”

The boys all laugh when I ask if they liked the name right away or if there were discussions before they went public with it. “Flynn doesn’t do discussions,” Mercer smiles at Julie like there’s an inside joke there. There probably is, seeing how close these four are. “They came up with the name and made us posters, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter before even asking us what we thought.”

“We loved it,” Peters is quick to jump in. “And we love Flynn. She knew we’d like it, or they wouldn’t have gone ahead with everything.”

Flynn Taylor, Julie’s best friend, doubles as the band manager - she is on tour with them, but opted not to be present for the interview. 

Since beginning their tour with Panic! At the Disco, all their videos have amassed over one million views each on YouTube and their music has been released on Spotify with startlingly quick success. Molina, I discovered, is actually the newest member of the band, although I would never have known from watching the four bandmates interact. She is also the youngest by a year, having just had her seventeenth birthday as the boys are all turning eighteen, but she holds herself with a quiet confidence that all the boys seem to look to. Even this early into the interview they defer to her to answer questions and look to her for reactions to their own answers. 

This made it especially surprising to find out that the band existed before Julie joined it, just under a different name. Sunset Curve. Clearly, it did not have the popularity that Julie and the Phantoms has even a few months into their creation. “We played a couple school shows and stuff,” Patterson told me, “but nothing clicked until we met Julie.” Luke Patterson carries a humming energy with him that comes across in his words. In true rocker fashion, he struggles to sit still, tapping his fingers on his thighs and softly bouncing on the couch. 

Unsurprisingly, Molina used similar words to describe the band’s first meeting. “The first time I sang with them at school we just clicked,” she says, smiling at Luke. 

Of course, given their success, I had to ask the question everyone wants to know. How did they end up opening for Panic! At the Disco, despite being relatively unknown outside the Los Angeles music scene previous to their debut at The Orpheum?

“We’ve seen some wild theories,” Mercer confides to me with a small smile on his face. He is arguably the most subdued of the group and generally seems content to watch his bandmates answer my questions. Don’t be fooled, though - not only is he a phenomenal drummer, he also sings backup vocals for Julie and the Phantoms. “My favouirte theory was one that caught a lot of steam on Twitter about us using ‘ghost powers’,” he adds air quotes with his hands and laughs, “to hide the scheduled opener’s tour bus and then pop into the venue in their place at the time they were supposed to perform.”

The whole band laughs at this - clearly it is a favourite theory amongst them. Peters adds, though, that it was clearly an unfounded theory given that “Julie doesn’t have any ghost powers, anyways. That’s why it’s Julie and the Phantoms. But I’d kill for ghost powers in real life.” When I ask what he’d use them for, though, he seems stumped. “I think it would just be cool to walk through walls.” We’re with you on that one, Reggie!

But what actually did happen to get them into the coveted opening spot at The Orpheum? Molina gives me a modest smile when I ask. “We were honestly just in the right place at the right time,” she explains. 

Patterson picks up the story from there with a little bit more flair, telling me that the opening band had actually gotten food poisoning - “from a street dog vendor, believe it or not” - and the manager of the Orpheum happened to be familiar with the Julie and the Phantoms YouTube page. 

“Since we were local,” Peters explains, “It was just a phone call. And then suddenly we were on stage doing a proper professional soundcheck for the first time in our lives.”

“Everything moved so fast after that,” Patterson adds. Each of his bandmates nod in agreement as he speaks. “We blinked and we were on a tour bus, suddenly.”

It seems that the band is handling the change well, though. 

“It’s definitely different,” Molina tells me. “We have to be responsible for our own school and make sure we’re turning in assignments on time. There’s a lot of driving and a lot of time to kill. We can get on each other’s nerves quite a bit, but there’s always a lot of time for songwriting, too.”

When I prompt her about who gets on who’s nerves, the whole band turns in tandem to look at Luke. He laughs and shrugs at me. “I’m an early riser,” he explains. “I like music in my hands twenty-four seven. I always have my guitar, but it isn’t always appreciated.”

“We’ve had to compromise,” Mercer says with a long-suffering sigh. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was the oldest of the group. “Luke isn’t allowed to start playing music until eleven in the morning the day after a show.”

As for being on tour with Panic!, none of them seem all too bothered by the fame of the headliners. “They’re really cool,” Peters explains to me. “They’ve been doing this a long time and they always have advice for us which I think we really value right now.”

Otherwise, though, the band seems to keep to themselves. When asked about their favouirte hobbies, Peters speaks at length about Star Wars. “I can’t watch the prequels before bed,” he says. His bandmates groan and shake their heads, although he seems unbothered. “Jar-Jar gives me nightmares.”

Other than Star Wars, “We try to make sure we get time and space for ourselves every day,” Molina says. “It’s a lot of us in a small space, and if we don’t get away from each other for a bit we argue a lot more.”

When I ask each of them who their favourite bandmate is to live with, all the boys say Julie and then turn expectantly for her answer. “I suppose Flynn doesn’t count as a bandmate,” she said with a sigh. “Probably Alex, but we live together normally so it’s not something that’s new.”

Mercer confirms this piece of information with a nod and a smile. “I prefer sharing a room with your brother to sharing a bus with you, though,” he says to Julie. She just rolls her eyes. 

When pushed, Mercer elaborates a little bit. “I’ve been living with Julie’s family for my senior year. It’s a better environment for me and is much closer to our school than where I lived. My parents are happy that it gives me more time to focus on school.”

Since I have Mercer’s attention now, I ask him a question I’ve been dying to know the answer to. Does he know what a role model he is to gay and questioning children and teens that get to see him be himself so publicly? 

As all the boys have been doing, he looks to Julie before answering. “I don’t think about it much, to be honest,” he says candidly. “If people think I’m a role model then I’m glad, but I’m just me. And being gay is part of me, a part of me that’s always been completely accepted by my band, just like my drumming or my singing.”

There was no tension, the band members explain, upon finding out about Alex’s sexuality. “No one was surprised when Alex came out,” Patterson adds. “We were only, like, twelve when he came out to us, anyway. It’s just a fact about who he is. Like, Alex is gay and hates mornings and I play the guitar and love mornings and we’re best friends.”

“Plus, I’m bisexual,” Peters adds, “So it would be hypocritical to have a problem with Alex.”

“I’m pansexual,” Patterson pipes up again. “And Alex being himself helped me figure out that part of myself.”

Molina doesn’t seem to have much to add. “Alex was already out when I met him,” she says. “It was never a surprise and someone’s sexuality shouldn’t be something that causes tension or makes people upset anyways.”

When I point out that it has seemed to cause some tension among fans, they all sigh. For unaware readers, the band has been stirring up quite the debate on Twitter and Instagram amongst fans and haters alike as to who is dating who. Patterson and Molina confirmed their relationship before going on tour and have been dating since before their band became popular. Recently, a Twitter user attending a Julie and the Phantoms meet and greet noted the closeness between Molina and Peters, causing fans to speculate that Molina is cheating on Patterson with Peters. When I ask if they'd like to address it, however, they all nod. 

“Luke and I have been dating for a few months,” Julie says, “very happily. Neither of us have cheated on each other, nor would we ever. But we’re both also dating Reggie.”

When I ask for clarification, Peters adds, “I’m dating Luke and Julie, just like Julie is dating me and Luke and Luke is dating Julie and me.” Although it doesn’t sound clear, it does seem to be clear for them. 

“We’d like people to give us our privacy, although we know that probably won’t happen,” Molina says. “We’re allowed to define our own relationships in the way that works for us, we don’t have to hold them up to anyone else’s expectations or preconceived notions of what a relationship should look like.”

When I ask if there’s anything they’d like to add before we wrap up, Patterson pipes up with a confident “Yes.” 

“We’re Julie and the Phantoms,” he says, prompting Peters to follow up with “Tell your friends!”

Tell your friends, indeed. You can find Julie and the Phantoms everywhere that Panic! At the Disco is playing for the next four weeks. 

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[miss-authorcita]

But I know I miss you

Draco Malfoy x Gryffindor!Reader

Summary: A year after the war Draco still misses you. Can he make it up to you?

A/N: I apologize in advance if there’s any grammar errors, I just wrote this and it’s 4am over here. I was listening to Taylor Swift’s Betty and for some odd reason (*cough* DracoTok *cough*) Draco Malfoy came to my mind! I wrote his odd little reader insert and I hope you guys enjoy it. I didn’t add the lyrics as most Song Fics because I feel like this isn’t wholly a Song Fic. Anyways, enjoy!

During the TriWizard Tournament the Hogwarts’ student body had an abundant amount of news to digest every day. It was two days before the Yule Ball when a new couple went public and the news of their relationship caused quite a stir. Their romance fed the rumor mill for weeks. A Gryffindor and a Slytherin dating was shocking enough, but having the mean Slytherin Prince walk into the Great Hall hand in hand with the Heart of Gold Gryffindor seemed like something impossible. For months their relationship was analyzed, picked apart, studied, observed, dissected and much more by the students of every house (and even some of the staff). It took the horrid event at the final task for their rarity to become old news. The constant pestering settled and in 5th year no one batted and eye at how the couple locked gazes across the room or at seeing them side by side. It was during the start of their 6th year that the whispers begun again. Hogwarts most notorious couple were not looking at each other. Draco Malfoy and (Y/N)(Y/L) had broken up over the summer. All around Hogwarts students talked, spreading the news, the new gossip sweeping the halls. Only people close to the ex-couple noticed the longing looks they sent each other when the other one wasn’t looking.

But that was years ago. A year after the end of the Wizarding War. Across Europe people were gathering at different locations to commemorate the fight, celebrate the good that came from it and remember those lost. Narcissa Malfoy was surprised when an invitation arrived by owl from Harry Potter himself for both her and her son. The letter attached to the invitation was in a messy scribbling explaining that the event would be hosted at (Y/N)(Y/L)’s family mansion since Harry knew a crowd of that size wouldn’t fit in Grimmauld Place. He went on to say that both Malfoys should feel welcome and to thank her for her part in defeating Voldemort.

When Narcissa told Draco of the news he didn’t know how to feel. A small bit of hope lit up his soul. His mother left him to decide if he wanted to attend or not. His head filled up with dark thoughts as it usually did now a days. Were you dating Potter? No, he had married the Weasley girl, right? Had you married? And then he willed his thoughts to change. If he went to your celebration, could he speak with you? Apologize? Maybe take a walk down your parents garden like you used to do when the world wasn’t dark. He hadn’t even been seventeen when he took the mark and promised to marry Astoria Greengrass all in the same night.

He remembered aimlessly flying around in his broom, the summer breeze tousling his hair, his gaze wasn’t focused on anything until he spotted the light blue mansion on the hill. He descended back to the ground as carefully as he could because the sight of it made his breath catch and his vision glaze over. He had so many memories of the two of you at that mansion, even the one where he broke both your hearts. His life had changed drastically in one night, the second the dark mark was burned onto his arm he thought of you and how much you’d come to hate him if you discovered the truth.

Even knowing how much you despised him, you still made him want to survive. He remembered wanting to curse Pansy, she had been the one to relay the rumors of his affair and engagement with Astoria to you. Draco didn’t know if he was relieved that the tears in your eyes and the betrayal they reflected wasn’t because of the truly worst thing he’d been forced to do. The one thing that he was certain would push you out of his life forever.

But you still found out. It took months, but you figured out the truth. He still remembered crashing Slughorn’s party and seeing you in the arms of Harry freaking Potter, his arm wrapped around your shoulder as your body shook from laughter. The song playing in the background was one you loved, and Potter seemed to be singing it to you. He was half glad Snape dragged him away because he wasn’t sure what he would’ve done next. Till this day he wondered if you had followed him and overheard their conversation. He still couldn’t figure out how you found out his darkest secret.

The rumor that everyone around Hogwarts stuck by during that whole 6th year was that Draco Malfoy spent the whole summer cheating on (Y/N)(Y/L) with Astoria Greengrass. They supposedly hooked up during one of the many balls at Malfoy Manor and were caught by Pansy Parkison who in a jealous fit sent an owl to (Y/N) letting her know of Draco’s infidelity. Draco never laid a hand on Astoria, but having you believe he was a cheater was easier than confessing he was a Death Eater. He couldn’t take the look you’d give him if you knew the truth. The very one you had on your face hours before he let the Deathe Eaters into Hogwarts. He knew you knew but didn’t approach you. He took the coward’s way out because he wanted to protect you, but also protect himself. Yes, he didn’t want you anywhere near the chaos, because even if he’d hate to admit it he knew you’d be safer by the Golden Trio’s side than by his.

The day of the celebration came, and Draco stood in front of his mirror examining his dress robes. They didn’t make him feel as before. The last time he wore something similar you were on his arm, dancing the night away at the Yule ball. The silver snake on his lapel made him sick. He wasn’t as proud to be a Slytherin as he once was. He had spent the whole week rehearsing what he would say to you, how he would approach you, he wouldn’t be surprised if you told him to fuck off. He missed you so much. It had been three years without you, his light, and his world was so dark.

He tried with Astoria, he did. You were gone from his life after the war, his father imprisoned in Azkaban and his family had lost everything. His mother never pushed him, but he could see the subtle clues she left about the good that marrying the Greengrass girl would do for their tarnished reputation. So he tried for a whole summer, but nothing came of it. His Heart of Gold Gryffindor was never far from his mind and Astoria’s hatred for his fall from grace never let them move forward. He heard through the grapevine that Astoria had married Nott that very winter.

The (Y/L) household was very imposing. He’d never felt intimidated by it before, but now it felt like the very walls knew he wasn’t welcomed. His mother had decided very last minute not to attend, still guilty of her part in the war despite Potter’s words. He felt the same, but his need to see you was greater than his shame. He was going to knock on that door and finally face you. He was willing to do anything to make it up to you. Make up for the harm, the lies, the hurt.

Once inside, he let the house elves take his coat, curiously observing that they all wore actual robes. You always said you wanted to free your house elves, pay them you had said, and it seemed that you had. He looked around the crowded room and his breath got stolen the second he found you. Velvet maroon dress, hair tied up in an intricate style, and a gorgeous smile on your crimson lips. You were currently hugging someone. Was that Luna Lovegood? His feet seemed cemented to the floor as his fears suddenly started consuming him. Would you have him back? Take him out to the porch to speak privately, maybe kiss him in front of all your stupid Gryffindor friends? Then other thoughts invaded his mind, making a cold sweat start on his brow. What if he was too broken? What if tonight didn’t go as he’d dreamed? He broke your heart, who’s to say he could even deem himself enough to mend it.

He’s only seventeen, but he knows he misses you. Misses your old cardigan that gained a new patch every time a new hole appeared; your Grandma had knit it for you. He missed riding around your brooms together, kissing in the sky and trying desperately not to fall. He just missed you.

All thoughts halted the second you turned your head and locked eyes with him.

He missed you.