#Taylor Armstrong Husband

[giggles-and-freckles]

hey thanks for the tag @kckenobi! haven't done one of these in forever and it's a friday night so what the heck!

do you make your bed? i don't, but my husband treats it like a religious tradition. and since getting married i'll admit to having been swayed to the 'made bed superiority' train. it is so nice to get into a made bed at night. somehow it feels...cleaner?

what's your favorite number? 11

what is your job? secondary teacher

if you could go back to school, would you? i'm about halfway through my master's right now and also working on getting my principal's certification. it's insanely hard to balance with a full time job and family, but...i've honestly begun to see my classes as restorative times. i get to unplug, be away from the demands of my kids (sorry girls), and just learn.

can you parallel park? no because i learned how to drive in oxford f'ing england and we barely even have paved roads

a job you had that would surprise people? absolutely none. i worked at a tea shop in high school. typical english girl doing typical english things.

do you think aliens are real? honest to god, i've never thought about it for more than 30 seconds at a time. it's probably ignorance but i just do not give a sh*t. and that't mostly because my mind has so many other immediate things to process at any given time lol

can you drive a manual car? nope because i am *not* cool guys

what's your guilty pleasure? making niche playlists on spotify (and expecting other people to enjoy them in the way i do)

tattoos? no and i can say with confidence i never will. i think they're amazing, but not for me.

favorite color? maroon/scarlet!

favorite type of music? honestly not a big music gal. i prefer the sound of silence when i can find it. (but taylor swift and beyoncé are on repeat in my home)

do you like puzzles? not the jigsaw variety. but i LOVE a good riddle/mind game.

any phobias? heights, unfortunately. but i do something brave involving heights once each year, so i'm slowly working on it. other than that—dental procedures. yeesh.

favorite childhood sport? football (soccer)! it is also my favourite adult sport! but i have grown to love baseball and my husband is a member of an organisation that exists to expand baseball in the uk. (it'll never work but don't tell him i said that)

do you talk to yourself? absolutely every single day. also i teach teenagers so...isn't that just me talking to myself all day every day?

what movie(s) do you adore? Little Women—both the Armstrong and Gerwig versions. umatched writing and execution. melts me on the spot.

coffee or tea? absolutely tea, but i never say no to an iced coffee (especially if it's an apology iced coffee from a student running tardy to my first period)

first thing you wanted to be growing up? ur mom

no-pressure tags: anyone who wants to participate because this one is fun and you should jump in! and also because i'm too tired to figure out who has already been tagged!

[chicknparm]

69 or 98 or 8

69. ivy - Taylor Swift

It wouldn't be right to do one of these without at least one Taylor song, so we got pretty lucky that you picked this number! Nice!

This song gets thrown around by a lot of swifties as an example of how good her songwriting has gotten, and I think it is quite a good example, but not really for the reasons they think. One could easily read the lyrics and dismiss her verbosity as pretentious set-dressing; a cynical shortcut to make herself and her songs appear deeper than they really are. I think the way some fans talk about her lyrics invites this kind of reading, but I promise you that indulging in that line of critique is doing a disservice to both the music and yourself.

The story told in ivy is one of conflict and infidelity; the narrator is having a passionate affair with someone else while her loveless, lifeless marriage gathers dust. The poetic language, instrumentation, and tone of Swift's voice all evoke much older forms of storytelling. Evocative stories are a cornerstone of country music, but have fallen out of favor in recent decades, and ivy seems to want to reach back even farther and remind the listener more of Jane Austen than Loretta Lynn (in fact, ivy wasn't out of place when it was used as a needle-drop in the Dickinson series). The melody is dark and tense, as are the dancing arpeggios on the guitar, as she sings verses about the pair being magnificently cursed; drinking her husband's wine and grieving for the living. The tension gets resolved in the chorus, where the melody warms up and she exclaims with relief (the use of "goddamn" feels more profane here than many of her uses of "fuck") that her "pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand taking mine."

The warmth becomes heat becomes fire when we reach a classic Taylor Swift Bridge where she proclaims "So yeah, it's a fire, it's a goddamn blaze in the dark, and you started it." From there, we never return to the tension of the verses, instead riding out the chorus until the end, with the narrator resigning herself to an imperfect life half-loved, crooning "my house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I'm covered in you" as electric guitar peaks its head out of the background.

This one's pretty good.

98. Psycho Killer- Talking Heads

cw: french

I didn't know he was speaking french in parts of this until I played this song in Rock Band 2. I couldn't understand a lot of the lyrics when my parents played Bruce Springsteen tapes so I didn't think this was that weird. I still don't know what the french sections mean, aside from qu’est-ce que c’est, perhaps we'll never know.

Anyway this song is a classic, obviously. The bassline is rock solid but still has enough movement to keep the rhythm fun and danceable despite the slower tempo. David Byrne is an all-time great vocalist and he gives a great performance. I, too, hate people when they're not polite. This is such an obvious choice that you'd think it would be overdone and cliche to use it in movies, and maybe it is, but I still pop for it every time. It's like using Fortunate Son in Vietnam movies, sometimes the obvious choice is the right one.

8. Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers

I liked Phoebe Bridgers' first album, but Punisher was an improvement in basically every way. Savior Complex was a literal jaw-dropper the first time I listened to it, coming at the end of a devastating three song run including Chinese Satellite and Moon Song. Some musicians just have an ear for perfect pop melodies. Call their songwriting sophomoric (and you'd be correct), but power pop writers like Billie Joe Armstrong and Rivers Cuomo have always reminded me a bit of Paul McCartney in their ability to craft memorable, joyous, sometimes anthemic hooks and melodies seemingly in their sleep. Another skill of McCartney's, which far fewer are able to replicate, is his ability to write a melody that plays your heartstrings like a fiddle. Truly skilled musicians can tell a story and take you on an emotional journey without words, and Phoebe proves more than capable of that here. And I don't know if you've heard, but she's pretty fucking good at the "words" bit too.

Savior Complex might be my favorite Phoebe Bridgers song, even though there are plenty of others with stronger lyrics. But that melody, man. Those strings. The guitar nervously walking the bass notes around. The way her voice flutters when the title drops. Her breathy falsetto as she pleads that she's too tired, and a bad liar. Other songs got more attention on this album (and they deserve that attention), but Savior Complex is an understated masterpiece in my opinion. Just a gorgeous, gorgeous song. I love it so much.

[realhousewives-fan]

The Memorable Moments of Season 17

In a time where Housewives isn’t as good as it used to be, I find myself being grateful that RHOC managed to have a great season 17.

RHOC has been struggling for several seasons now, and bringing Heather Dubrow and Tamra Judge back appears to be excellent casting choices.

At the reunion there was a fan who made a comment that the cast for this season was perfection – and I actually agree.

Emily Simpson had a great season as a housewife, while Vicky Gunvalson and Taylor Armstrong were good friends of the show.

While I couldn’t find any memorable moments from RHOA’s season 15, there’s so much to pick and chose from this season that stood out to me.

1. The Return of Tamra Judge

Tamra was back and she was on a mission to take Heather down. Her tagline was “I might have been on pause, but now, I’m ready to play.”

Holy shit, didn’t we feel that?

But she might have been overly eager in her return, and she drank way too much and created way too much drama.

Love her or hate her, she made shit happen.

2. "Just be honest..."

It became known that the newest housewife, Jennifer Pedranti, had been unfaithful to her husband before the divorce, and Tamra thought that Jennifer was sugar-coating her stories.

When she whispered “Just be honest” I almost died. Who needs enemies when you’ve got a friend like Tamra?

But it made it obvious that the truth might be a lot more complicated and messier than Jennifer let on.

3. The Movie Role Feud

The feud between Heather and Taylor was so old-school Housewives and so in the spirit of RHOC and RHOBH.

It was highly entertaining and didn’t drag out too long.

4. The Flying Napkin at Nobu

Tamra admitted that she drank way too much this season, and it does show in the earlier episodes of the season.

Her rage directed at Jennifer was so bizarre, and I can’t understand how Jennifer could sit there so silent and calm as Tamra threw a napkin in her face.

Tamra was lucky that Jennifer was into yoga, but I don’t think she would’ve done that to anyone. Jennifer was her punching bag this season.

5. The Violation of the Vault

After Tamra had magically buried the hatchet with Shannon Beador, she slowly but surely started a smear campaign where she accused Heather of spreading horrible things about Shannon’s relationship.

Shannon and Vicky’s reactions to the violation of the sacred vault was priceless, but it was also the beginning of Shannon’s multiple temper tantrums with the producers.

6. Shannon's Second Breakdown

Shannon was all over the place this season. After Tamra told her that Heather had spread horrible things about her relationship, she lost it.

She blew everything out of proportion, had an explosive temper tantrum during the doppelganger party.

But what stood out to me the most was when Emily corrected Shannon when she claimed that she didn’t call her and Gina Kirschenheiter.

Shannon stared blank into the camera and stuttered that she didn’t remember that.

This was only going one way, and that was her DUI days after they had filmed the reunion.

7. Another Temper Tantrum of Shannon

There has never been a housewife who acted more like a martyr who feels sorry for herself, than Shannon. And it’s driving me insane.

She mentioned things in her temper tantrum with the producers and thought it wouldn’t air on the show, but I felt bad for her in that moment.

However, she talked about Gina’s DUI situation and talked about as if she was in danger of losing her custody of her kids, which shocked Jennifer.

And Shannon never showed any real remorse about it.

8. The Third Highest Sale in OC's History

Heather’s amazing mansion was sold for incredibly $55 million dollars, which makes it the third highest sale in the history of Orange County!

While Tamra was stirring the pot and poisoning the women against Heather, Heather continues to thrive.

I will miss her mansion, though.

9. The Evil Clown of the Season

I wasn’t so annoyed with Tamra when she returned to the show, but for every episode I saw, it was clear to me that she was on a mission: To take Heather down.

She acted like a paranoid and hateful woman, who was furious that Heather mended her issues with Emily and Gina. She infuriated me this season.

The fact that she dressed up as an evil clown at the season finale, hints that Tamra might have some self-reflection.

10. Tamra Told Andy Cohen to Fuck Off!

Even if season 17 was a great season for RHOC, I can’t really say the same about Tamra.

She was overly emotional, she drank too much, she was stirring the pot any chance she got, she was obnoxiously paranoid, and she was trying to take Heather down.

When Andy Cohen tried to hold her accountable, she told him to fuck off!

Great return… But while Tamra is far from perfect, she was the perfect villain this season. And season 17 is one to remember.

[tomorrowedblog]

Friday Releases for November 3

Friday is the busiest day of the week for new releases, so we've decided to collect them all in one place. Friday Releases for November 3 include Divinity, Invincible S2, Blanket, and more.

Divinity

Divinity, the new movie from Eddie Alcazar, is out today.

DIVINITY centers on two mysterious brothers, who abduct a mogul during his quest for immortality. Meanwhile, a seductive woman helps them launch a journey of self-discovery.

Quiz Lady

Quiz Lady, the new movie from Jessica Yu, is out today.

“Quiz Lady” is a hilarious and heartfelt comedy starring Awkwafina, Sandra Oh, Jason Schwartzman, Holland Taylor, Tony Hale, and Will Ferrell, about a dysfunctional family and the game show which just might be the key to their salvation. In the original film, a brilliant but tightly wound, gameshow-obsessed young woman, Anne, and her estranged, train-wreck of a sister Jenny, must work together to help cover their mother’s gambling debts. When Anne’s beloved dog is kidnapped, they set out on a wild, cross-country trek to get the cash the only way they know how: by turning Anne into a bona-fide gameshow champion.

Showdown At The Grand

Showdown At The Grand, the new movie from Orson Oblowitz, is out today.

A proud movie theater honors action star turned recluse “Claude Luc Hallyday” with a retrospective of his illustrious career but when real estate developers show up to ruin the party, the two new friends must fight off corporate greed in the name of art.

Fingernails

Fingernails, the new movie from Christos Nikou, is out today.

Anna and Ryan have found true love. It’s been proven by a controversial new technology. There’s just one problem: Anna still isn’t sure. Then she takes a position at a love testing institute, and meets Amir.

Priscilla

Priscilla, the new movie from Sofia Coppola, is out today.

When teenage Priscilla Beaulieu meets Elvis Presley at a party, the man who is already a meteoric rock-and-roll superstar becomes someone entirely unexpected in private moments: a thrilling crush, an ally in loneliness, a gentle best friend.

Rumble Through The Dark

Rumble Through The Dark, the new movie from Graham Phillips and Parker Phillips, is out today.

Golden Globe nominee Aaron Eckhart stars as a desperate, bare-knuckle cage fighter battling for the only thing he has left in Rumble Through The Dark, a riveting action thriller based on Michael Farris Smith’s celebrated novel The Fighter. Bella Thorne shines alongside Eckhart in this gripping film about one man’s last-ditch effort to save his family home against the strongest of foes and the longest of odds.

Helen’s Dead

Helen’s Dead, the new movie from K. Asher Levin, is out today.

Upon discovering her boyfriend, Adam (EMILE HIRSCH), is sleeping with her cousin Helen (MATILDA LUTZ), the aimless Addie (DYLAN GELULA) goes to a dinner party to confront them, only to discover Helen is dead and everyone is a suspect. From “canceled” influencer Leila (ANNABELLE DEXTER-JONES) to her shady, older husband George (BRIAN HUSKEY), to wannabe actor Garrett (OLIVER COOPER), and even her own lover/ex-con Henry (TYRESE GIBSON), Addie must find Helen’s killer before it’s too late.

Squealer

Squealer, the new movie from Andy Armstrong, is out today.

Tyrese Gibson (Fast and the Furious) and Theo Rossi (Sons of Anarchy) star in a terrifying thriller inspired by real events. When young women begin to disappear across a small town, a police officer and a street-smart social worker follow clues to a remote pig farm and discover the local butcher has been bringing his work home. Enter the world of a serial killer and experience the blood-curdling horror of a film bound to take your breath away.

All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt

All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt, the new movie from Raven Jackson, is out today.

A lyrical, decades-spanning exploration across a woman’s life in Mississippi, the feature debut from award-winning poet, photographer and filmmaker Raven Jackson is a haunting and richly layered portrait, a beautiful ode to the generations of people and places that shape us.

Invincible S2

The second season of Invincible, the TV series from Robert Kirkman, is out today.

Based on the groundbreaking comic book by Robert Kirkman, Cory Walker, and Ryan Ottley, the story revolves around 18-year-old Mark Grayson, who’s just like every other guy his age—except his father is (or was) the most powerful superhero on the planet. Still reeling from Nolan’s betrayal in Season 1, Mark struggles to rebuild his life as he faces a host of new threats, all while battling his greatest fear - that he might become his father without even knowing it.

Blue Eye Samurai

Blue Eye Samurai, the new TV series from Michael Green and Amber Noizumi, is out today.

Driven by a dream of revenge against those who made her an outcast in Edo-period Japan, a young warrior cuts a bloody path toward her destiny.

The Tailor S3

The third season of The Tailor, the TV series from Cem Karci, Rana Mamatlıoğlu, and Bekir Baran Sıtkı, is out today.

Peyami’s feelings for Esvet intensify, forcing him to make the difficult choice between their love and his lifelong friendship with Dimitri.

Fashion Dreamer

Fashion Dreamer, the new game from Marvelous (XSEED), is out today.

Fashion Dreamer is a creative-focused game where players can express their unique styles using their avatar, called a Muse. Create iconic looks from cozy casualwear to chic couture, choosing from hundreds of available options that can be customized to be a truly one-of-a-kind look. Once players find their signature style, they can show off their latest outfits across different areas, called Cocoons. There, they can also explore inspiring new fashions from other Muses whether playing on- or offline or display them in their showroom to garner even more attention and Likes for their brand. Players can also increase their influence by completing design challenges, unlocking even more customization options to elevate their brand. Featuring asynchronous multiplayer, the world of Eve is inhabited by Muses from around the globe, allowing players to find inspiration or earn Likes for their most iconic fit virtually anywhere!

WarioWare: Move It!

WarioWare: Move It!, the new game from Nintendo, is out today.

Pack your bags for the wackiest vacation ever in WarioWare: Move It! Get ready for movement-based microgames, Forms, extra stages, local multiplayer, and more!

Blanket

Blanket, the new album from Kevin Abstract, is out today.

Flying High, Pt. 2

Flying High, Pt. 2, the new album from The Alchemist, is out today.

[tacticalhimbo]

JASON'S CONVOLUTED F1!OC GRID YIPPEE!!

I kinda don't… like. real person fiction due to the way it crosses… so many boundaries, so I've created an entire ass universe of characters just so I could write people going vroom vroom in fast cars without feeling personally icky about it.

Technical information and teams are based on 2024 season; may update these to reflect future seasons (unsure).

Is any of this historically or technically accurate?

Yes and no.

Autism be damned, I will not be researching the entire history of F1 and rewriting it.

I am doing the bare minimum and expanding on a case-by-case basis. Any background names are kept vague as possible, with prior team members being generated/background characters with little to no development outside of their standings with the teams (though I may flesh these characters out eventually, knowing how I usually end up doing things-)

Names generated using Fantasy Name Generators and based on relative population demographic information for the teams' home country. Conceptual portraits made using Wervty's Chime Picrew.

Pictures are in order of team chief (top left), technical chief (top right), driver 1 (bottom left) and driver 2 (bottom right).

I also know some people look similar... the Picrew only has so many options, and I kept smaller things such as expression and pose identical for ease of creation. Eventually I will make these characters in Sims and flesh them out more individually... but man I don't feel like clearing my PC out right now.

== TEAMS ==

Oracle Red Bull Racing

Based in: Milton Keynes, United Kingdom (England)

Chassis (2024): Rb20

Power Unit (2024): Honda Rbpt

Team Chief: Paul Stewart Graham -> White English Male

Technical Chief: Nicolas Rees -> White English Male

Driver 1: Jiahao Hu (Number 79) -> Chinese-English Female

Driver 2: Keyair Rennalls (Number 13) -> British Afro-Caribbean (Jamaican) Male

◌•·················•·················•◌

Scuderia Ferrari

Based in: Maranello, Italy

Chassis (2024): Sf-24

Power Unit (2024): Ferrari

Team Chief: Lorenza La Penna -> Italian Female

Technical Chief: Venizelos Siskeas -> Romanian Male

Driver 1: Ibtisam Ahmad Ziyad (Number 45) -> Palestinian Female

Driver 2: Florentin Niculaie (Number 03) -> Greek-Italian Male

◌•·················•·················•◌

McLaren Team

Based in: Woking, United Kingdom (England)

Chassis (2024): Mcl38

Power Unit (2024): Mercedes

Team Chief: Anton Helminen-> White Finnish-English Male

Technical Chief: Lorene Reilly -> White English Female

Driver 1: (Number 25) Calvin Kirk -> Husband of Arlo; Biracial (Black & White) English Male

Driver 2: (Number 68) Arlo McEvoy -> Husband of Calvin; Black Irish Male

◌•·················•·················•◌

Mercedes-AMG PETRONAS Team

Based in: Brackley, United Kingdom (England)

Chassis (2024): W15

Power Unit (2024): Mercedes

Team Chief: Anika Watson -> White English Female

Technical Chief: Lisette Bourseiller -> Black French-English Female

Driver 1: Nazanin Mosta'An (Number 74) -> Iranian-English Female

Driver 2: Taylor Armstrong (Number 94) -> White English Female

◌•·················•·················•◌

Aston Marton

Based in: Silverstone, United Kingdom (England)

Chassis (2024): Amr24

Power Unit (2024): Mercedes

Team Chief: Callum Kennedy -> White Australian Male

Technical Chief: Miksa Vilmos -> White Hungarian Male

Driver 1: Mangjol Song-Jin (Number 53) -> Korean Male

Driver 2: Angelina Maryam Davies (Number 48) -> White Australian Female

◌•·················•·················•◌

Visa Cash App Rb

Based in: Faenza, Italy

Chassis (2024): Vcarb 01

Power Unit (2024): Honda Rbpt

Team Chief: Zindelo Di Noia -> Romani-Italian Male

Technical Chief: Hadir Benali ->Moroccan Male

Driver 1: Lukas Hrastnik (Number 97) -> Slovene-Italian Male

Driver 2: Guiberto Bartoletti (Number 77) -> Italian Male

◌•·················•·················•◌

Moneygram Haas Team

Based in: Kannapolis, United States (North Carolina)

Chassis (2024): Vf-24

Power Unit (2024): Ferrari

Team Chief: Evangelina Gordon -> Indigenous American (Catawba) Female

Technical Chief: Archie Scott -> White American Female

Driver 1: Sebastian Aparicio (Number 81) -> Mexican-American Male

Driver 2: Marcelo Huffman (Number 72) -> White American Male

◌•·················•·················•◌

Bwt Alpine Team

Based in: Enstone, United Kingdom (England)

Chassis (2024): A524

Power Unit (2024): Renault

Team Chief: Bianca Nicole Hamilton -> White English Female

Technical Chief: Rio Thompson -> Biracial (Black & White) English Male

Driver 1: Gail Schwartz (Number 75) -> White American Male

Driver 2: Theo O'Higgin (Number 41) -> Black Irish Male

◌•·················•·················•◌

Williams Racing

Based in: Grove, United Kingdom (England)

Chassis (2024): Fw46

Power Unit (2024): Mercedes

Team Chief: Sienne MacCarthy-> White Irish Female

Technical Chief: Jaxson Turnbull -> White Scottish Male

Driver 1: Dane Williamson (Number 80) -> White Scottish-American Male

Driver 2: Cameron Knowles (Number 32) -> White English Female

◌•·················•·················•◌

Stake Team Kick Sauber -> Audi (2026)

Based in: Hinwil, Switzerland

Chassis (2024): C44

Power Unit (2024): Ferrari

Team Chief: Christian Felber -> Swiss-German Male

Technical Chief: Yves Darche -> French Male

Driver 1: Ernestin Schalcher (Number 73) -> Swiss-German Male

Driver 2: Dijemir Topalli (Number 12) -> Kosovan-Albanian Male

== SIDE CHARACTERS ==

Sky Sports Coverage Team (F1)

Commentator: Mantvydas "Manny" Jonyla -> White Lithuanian Male

Head of Race Strategy: Madelien Jakobs -> White Dutch Female

Lead Presenter: Rosenie Saint Cyr -> Black Hatian-English Female

Lead Analyst: Rajan Acharya-> Biracial (White & Nepalese) English Male

Pitlane Reporter: River Barker -> White English Male

Flex Reporter (Qualifying Commentary, Pitlane, Paddock, etc.): Harlow Jackman -> White Australian Female

[bitch-butter]

Top 5 Bravo properties

1. Vanderpump Rules

the crown jewel, the gem, the greatest love of all. this show has raised me and molded me and even when I have hated it I've loved it and it can go on for 1,000 seasons and I'll be there every fucking time. the characters are all Deplorable and funny at the same time, allegiances shift, the drinks look horrific and the food makes people vom on their hands and knees in the middle of the restaurant (allegedly). I can watch it every single day and never get tired of the way these people are monsters to each other and betray each other and all give each other Jax's herpes (ALLEGEDLY) and Still continue to claim they are all Best Friends lol these are the best days of our lives

2. The Real Housewives of New Jersey

this is maybe the one Housewives franchise I can Reasonably argue has never had a bad season. it is Consistently dramatic, hilarious, and darksided starting with Danielle Staub, spiralling down into the neverending and honestly very sad feud between Teresa and Melissa and subsequently her brother Joe, the Manzo's mob family literally being torn apart, Teresa having to go to Federal Prison, "I just can't help myself" *pulls Marge's hair from her head*, and WHATEVER is happening with Kim D. it has Very seldom disappointed me, but it should still be considered A Treat and not rewatched Too much lol

3. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

real ones will remember this was at one point in time the darkest show on TV. we had Kim Richards issues with addiction, Taylor Armstrong's husband abusing her and then sueying, Lisa Vanderpump undergoing a Talented Mr. Ripley situation with her young "houseguest", and ultimately Kyle and Kim's relationship being horrifically tested by Kyle's loyalties to other people and Kim's warped sense of what a sister should be providing for her. pepper in the fact that Camille acted like a terrorist with no consequences and then had her husband leave her in a really public embarrassing way and it's like...it only gets better because then we get Dorit at the end of it all lol. this franchise has had True duds for sesaons but again I have been consistenlty intrigued by its darkness so much so that I tune in every fucking time. 

4. The Real Housewives of New York

this franchise is Just camp. it feels weird to say it rarely gets heavy because LuAnn literally got arrested for assaulting an officer of the law, and Bethenny's demonic ex jason used to torture her dog Cookiedabooboo, and i have PTSD from like three separate freindship ending fights on this show, but Ugh. it's so funny lol that's the thing with all these shows, and why i feel Bravo is so Fundamentally misunderstood, because these are deeply sad shows but the women themselves are so funny and resilient and ready to laugh at themselves and their circumstances that people that treat these women like broke jokes are idiots imho. 

5. Summer House

it's basically Spongebob in comparison to all this darkness, but it is perennially my fav show on the network because these are people that are kind of my age having dramas that are So relatable while also living together on the weekend and generally acting like Actual friends. special attention must be paid to the COVID season where they literally were all locked in the house together for Months and Lindsay confronted her boyfriend and accused him of never making her sandwiches, and they had that awful anniversary out back by the pool with sad takeout, and amanda and kyle were Not toxic for a season and made me believe in love, and Luke and Carl almost got into a fistfight!!! i love Summer House lol true nonsense. 

Honorable Mentions: Shahs of Sunset, Gallery Girls, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (!!!!! that show made me who i am today but now you can't find it anywhere)

[justins-foley]

Tag yourself, which one are you

[eshpanova-oksana4932w9x]

Taylor Armstrong husband Photos Information and their life details Reality Star

Taylor Armstrong husband Photos Information and their life details Reality Star

Taylor Armstrong Husband

Is she married?

About Taylor Armstrong :

About

Most notable as a cast individual from the well known Bravo reality arrangement The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She is additionally remarkable for her appearances on The Hills and Couples Therapy.

Prior to Fame

Conceived Shana Hughes, she spent her initial a very long time in Independence, Kansas, and later gone to…

[tom-holland-parker]

No Body No Crime

Summary: Tom knows you had something to do with the victims disappearance and its driving his crazy that you don’t crack easily

Pairing: Detective!Tom x reader

Warning: Murder?? Sexual innuendos, Cops

Word Count: 1412

Note: Based off the song no body no crime by Taylor Swift. This idea came to me in the shower and like I do with all my writings I wrote this when I was half asleep. Anyway ACAB

Masterlist

////

You sat in the dark room. The only light coming from the small window to your left. They had you seated facing the mirror, but you knew they were watching from the other side. Just waiting for you to crack. One small slip up and this case would be solved.

Thankfully you were smart. You kept your composure as you waited for the two detectives to come in. It wasn't long till their return. Talking amongst themselves as you sipped your water.

Soon they turned to you getting ready to start the interview. "Ma'am my name's Tom and this is my partner Harrison" he was eager to start the questioning you could tell by his rushed introduction. "Let's just get to the point I know you had something to do with it" He spoke. His British accent was exceptionally rare for the small southern town you lived in.

Your eyes shifted to the man beside him who was hesitant compared to his partner. You could tell he didn't entirely agree with Tom. "Im sorry detective but you call me up here at 9 in the morning and tell me I have something to do with a crime that I'm completely unaware of" you faked your voice trying your best to sound completely oblivious to what was happening.

He scoffed looking as his partner before looking back at you. "Oh please. You're telling me you have no idea about Gus Armstrong's disappearance"

"Oh that" you sighed, "well then you're wrong because I had nothing to do with it". You wanted to smirk but kept a straight face.

"Mr. Armstrong's wife went missing a couple months back" his partner finally spoke. His British accent matching his friends, "I understand Tom here questioned you about that case as well"

You watched as he opened the small folder in front of him. His eyes scanned through the interview manuscripts. You nodded your head as he pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Tom.

"Yes Este was my closest friend I miss her dearly" They stared at you trying to determine if you were faking it. It was sincere. She was your closest friend, it nearly killed you when she went missing.

"You said that you fully believed it was her husband that was the cause of her disappearance" Harrison stated as he leaned closer trying to understand everything. You nodded your head, "yes I did and I still do. I know he had something to do with it"

Tom chuckled, "what makes you think that?"

You perked up at his sudden interest. He didn't seem to care when you sat in this same set a few weeks ago. "Este knew her husband had been cheating. The constant late nights. The new jewelry purchases. There was no question about it"

You took another sip of your water, "she was a strong woman and so she confronted him. I waited for her 2 hours at the restaurant for our usual Tuesday night dinner and wine. But when she didn't show up I knew something was wrong. When she was reported missing the next day I knew he did it. Gus always had problems with his anger. But no one believed me. No one else seemed to notice the new tires on his truck or even how his mistress moved in so quickly after the case had be closed"

You could still hear the words Tom had said to you the day the case was deemed unsolved.

“So you’re just gonna let him go” You stared at him anger filling all your senses. He sipped his coffee not having the nerve to look at you. 

“Sorry Ma’am, No body No crime” 

"And that's when you took matters into your own hand" Tom finally spoke. You chuckled in amusement. He truly believed he had you.

"I'm sorry but as far as I'm concerned I'm not even a real suspect. I heard most people believe it was his mistress" They both leaned back in their seats slightly disappointed that you didn't crack.

You played with the chipped polish on your nails. "Yes it really doesn't look good for her. Taking out such a large life insurance policy just days before your new husband disappears"

Harrison rolled his eyes completely irritated that he had even entertained the thought of you being the suspect. "I need some air" he rose from the table and left the room leaving just you and Tom who didn't seem to give up as easily.

"You're good" he leaned in closer to you catching eye contact. "Too good"

You smirked as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. You loved to see a strong man get frustrated. "Tell me Holland" you got up from your seat leaning in closer as your fingers gently drawing mindless shapes over the skin on his arm. "What do you think when you see me"

He took a deep breath shifting around in his seat, "I see a woman who thinks she's in control" he grabbed your wrist pulling you even closer. Your faces are only inches away from each other as he whispered in your ear. His grip on your wrist was firm but not tight enough to hurt you. "I'm the one in charge here now sit your pretty ass down and confess"

You smiled taking your time as you sat down in your chair again. "I'm usually on my knees when I do a confession" you teased loving the fact that you can work him up with just your words.

He took another deep breath wanting nothing more than to see you on your knees. "Where were you two nights ago?" he asked hoping that staying on subject would stop his filthy imagination.

You sighed crossing your arms as you leaned back in your seat. "Like I said before I was with Este's sister"

It wasn't a complete lie. You had been with her that night just not the whole time. "Yeah well im having some officers go confirm that for me" he spoke as he looked through the file once more. You couldn't help but stare at the long bruised covered fingers that tapped mindlessly on the table. Your head fills with lust filled thoughts as you try to regain your composure. Only moving your eyes once he looked at you

The room remained silent as you both stared at each other. You enjoyed watching Tom try and keep his cool. He enjoyed watching how effortlessly you were able to trick everyone. He found it sexy.

Harrison returned shaking his head. "Well her alibi checks out" he turned to you. "I'm sorry for any problem we've caused"

You stood up slowly, your eyes still attached to Tom. "Well officer I'm afraid you've got a mistress to arrest" Tom didn't want to watch you exit, leaving him alone with his filthy thoughts

                                                         ///

You waited until the case was closed to show your face around Tom again. It was at the town's yearly festival. He sat on the bench sipping his tea watching the floats drive down Main St.

You sat down next to him not saying anything just enjoying the silence. He spoke first, "Case went unsolved"

His voice was blunt yet quiet as if he only wanted you to hear. You took a sip of your own coffee enjoying the breeze. You knew it drove him crazy. You hadn't intended to do it but you did enjoy the way he was so frustrated by the case.

Minutes of silence went by before you decided to end his torture. The case was closed after all. You sighed, "my daddy made me get a boating license when I was 15"

His head shot towards you but he stood silent wanting to hear more, "I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene"

It was sort of comical how the rest of the world seemed to be happy outside of the small bubble you both created on that bench. "Good thing Este's sister swore she was with me"

You took a sip of your coffee watching as his mouth fell open slightly. You both sat quiet as you gave him time to process. "Why are you telling me this?" He asked. If you hadn't been so close to him you wouldn't have heard him speak.

You chuckled finishing up the last of your coffee before getting up. Turning to him slowly, "No body No crime"

[filmaticbby]

honestly think if i ever made a movie it would be a taylor armstrong biographical reliving of the events occurred in the course of season 2 of the real housewives of beverly hills . it would entail everything from the chilling televised breakdown in the rocky mountains revealing her abusive marriage as the other women tell her to get over it, to the most insane complete meltdown at the malibu beach house a few episodes later — allll the way leading up to her husband’s mulholland drive suicide and the family’s failed attempt at opening up a murder investigation…. of course camille and kelsey grammar’s heart wrenching divorce would have to be embraced somehow too

[whewtaewoon]

a year in books: 2022 book tracking master post

january: 8 books

murder is for keeps: elizabeth j. duncan

the art of theft: sherry thomas

murder on cold street: sherry thomas

the tell tale cat: sm reine

the cure for what ales you: ellie alexander

to brew or not to brew: joyce tremel

grandmaster of demonic cultivation: mo xiang tong xiu

this poison heart: kalynn bayron

february: 11 books

cells at work: code black vol 1: shigemitsu harada

cells at work: code black vol 2: shigemitsu harada

cells at work code black vol 3: shigmeitsu harada

caught bread handed: ellie alexander

cells at work code black vol 4: shigemitsu harada

a crime of passion fruit: ellie alexander

caught bread handed: ellie alexander

a deadly edition: victoria gilbert

rocky road to ruin: meri allen

renewed for murder: victoria gilbert

meet your baker: ellie alexander

march: 8 books

a batter of life and death: ellie alexander

on thin icing: ellie alexander

fudge and jury: ellie alexander

another one bites the crust: ellie alexander

till death do us tart: ellie alexander

live and let pie: ellie alexander

a cup of holiday fear: ellie alexander

nothing bundt trouble: ellie alexander

april: 11 books

chilled to the cone ellie alexander

the deepest of secrets kelley armstong

stealing shadows kay hooper

mocha she wrote ellie alexander

bake, borrow, and steal ellie alexander

mile high with a vampire lynsay sands

out of the shadows kay hooper

slice of cherry dia reeves

cinderlla is dead kalynn bayron

immortal rising lynsay sands

the detetive's daughter erica spindler

may: 19 books

drawing dead sm reine

kill game sm reine

cashing out sm reine

suicide queen sm reine

the masque of the red cat sm reine

fall of the house of cat sm reine

the cat and the pendulum sm reine

the silence of bones june hur

the forest of stolen girls june hur

the red palace june hur

dragon pearl yoon ha lee

wicked fox kat cho

spirit hunters ellen oh

vicious spirits kat cho

aunt dimity down under nancy atherton

aunt dimity and the duke nancy atherton

aunt dimity's christmas nancy atherton

aunt dimity beats the devil nancy atherton

aunt dimity: detective nancy atherton

june: 9 books

booked for death victoria gilbert

daughter of the pirate king tricia levenseller

daughters of foxcote manor eve chase

wherever she goes kelley armstrong

when you see me lisa gardner

a good girl's guide to murder holly jackson

good girl, bad blood holly jackson

as good as dead holly jackson

something read, something dead eva gates

july: 16 books

graceling kristin cashore

bitterblue kristin cashore

fire kristin cashore

winterkeep kristin cashore

one of us is lying karen m mcmanus

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo taylor jenkins reid

one of us is next karen m mcmanus

you'll be the death of me karen m mcmanus

two can keep a secret karen m mcmanus

the cousins karen m mcmanus

murder for the modern girl kendall kulper

one for sorrow zoe sugg, amy mcculloch

a magic steeped in poison judy i lin

graceling: the graphic novel kristen cashore garreth hinds

deeper than the dead tami hoag

the inheritance games jennifer lynn barnes

august: 17 books

the hawthorne legacy jennifer lynn barnes

little girl lost cheryl bradshaw

the fixer's daughter hy conrad

this wicked fate kalynn bayron

i'm glad my mom died jennette mccurdy

the family upstairs lisa jewell

little girl lost brian mcgilloway

the girl is murder kathryn miller

the demon in me michelle rowen

a short time to die susan alice bickford

little broken things cheryl bradshaw

little lost secrets cheryl bradshaw

little white lies cheryl bradshaw

mayhem & mass olivia matthews

peril & prayer olivia matthews

learning to swim sara j. henry

the missing ones patricia gibney

september: 4 books

in the hall with the knife diana peterfreund

in the study with the wrench diana peterfreund

in the ballroom with the candlestick diana peterfreund

the death of innocents helen prejean

october: 8 books

don't kill in our names rachel king

the zig zag girl elly griffiths

smoke and mirrors elly griffiths

the blood card elly griffiths

the vanishing box elly griffiths

now you see them elly griffiths

the midnight hour elly griffiths

dead man walking helen prejean

[realhousewives-fan]

Nothing Nobu About This Bunch

I don’t quite understand why the women are so fixated on Heather Dubrow and Jennifer Pedranti, but with friends like they’ve got, who needs enemies?

Taylor Armstrong and Heather has squashed their little beef over the movie role, but the women seem hellbent on creating a gang up on Heather this season.

They’re nip-picking on her every word and action. Suddenly they think she’s so condescending and pretentious.

But Gina Kirschenheiter loved Heather’s snobbishness in season 16. What changed? Was it that Heather dared to question their friendship?

The only argument I agree with Gina on, is that Heather seems desperate for Tamra Judge’s friendship.

Gina is highly oversensitive and beyond triggered about every tiny thing with Heather, but she’s right on the money when it comes to Heather’s relationship with Tamra.

And after what Tamra has done to Jennifer, I can’t see what’s so attractive with having her as a friend. With friends like Tamra, who needs enemies?

She has been spreading rumours all over town about Jennifer’s boyfriend, Ryan Boyajian.

And she was screaming from the top of her lungs in a public place that Ryan wanted to sleep with her. She looked completely unhinged.

Shannon Beador doesn’t even support Tamra’s strange vendetta with Jennifer.

“Jenn may be an idiot, but let her figure that out on her own.”

Exactly! Tamra might think that she’s acting like a friend to Jennifer, but she’s not. She’s not trying to lift her friend up. She’s trying to take her down.

And Tamra was drunk (again), screaming and yelling at someone (again), she tried to make it all about herself again when Gina and Heather were talking.

She looked a little desperate to be in the footage with the conversation about Shannon’s ex-husband’s new divorce. She’s being a lot!

She even switched seat because she didn’t want to sit across from Jennifer, because she was “so fucking livid” with her.

But Tamra was the one who threw a napkin in Jennifer’s face for no reason. According to Camille Grammer, who ever lost their cool, lost the argument.

Sorry, Tamra. You lose.

[deanthomaswhore]

some sad songs cuz why not.

yesterday - the beatles

she - harry styles

tbsl -harry styles

sign of the times - harry styles

sweet creature - harry styles

falling - harry styles

fine line - harry styles

lights up -harry styles

meet me in the hallway - harry styles

from the dining table - harry styles

the chain - fleetwood mac

strange - celeste

paper houses - niall horan

end of the road - boyz II men

it’s so hard to say good by to yesterday - boyz II men

eleanor rigby - the beatles

dreams - fleetwood mac

roxanne - the police

stargazing - the neighbourhood

middle of somewhere - the neighbourhood

pretty boy - the neighbourhood

black bird - the beatles

earfquake - tyler the creator

self control - frank ocean

moon river - frank ocean

jealous - labrinth

pride. - kendrick lamar

godspeed - frank ocean

waiting room - phoebe bridgers

funeral - phoebe bridgers

friday im in love - phoebe bridgers

francis forever - mitski

nobody - mitski

me and my husband - mitski

motion sickness - phoebe bridgers

drew barrymore - sza

mia and sebastian’s theme - justin hurwitz

mystery of love - sufjan stevens

gold digger’s sound - leon bridges

daisy mae - leon bridges

lover - taylor swift

cardigan - taylor swift

chanel- frank ocean

redbone - childish gambino

dear theodosia - hamilton

selfless - the strokes

yellow - coldplay

burn - hamilton

black coffee - sarah vaughan

my kind of woman - marc demarco

first love / late spring - mitski

dark red - steve lacy

washing machine heart - mitski

hold me down - daniel caesar

girl with the tattoo - miguel

every breath you take - the police

total eclipse of the heart - bonnie tyler

bohemian rhapsody - queen

champagne problems - taylor swift

thinking out loud - ed sheeran

love song - sara bareilles

sure thing - miguel

love - keyshia nicole

this town - niall horan

thinkin bout you - frank ocean

pink + white - frank ocean

night changes - one direction

where is the love? - black eyes peas

la vie en rose - louis armstrong

rain - swv

ain’t no mountain high enough - marvin gaye

stand by me - ben e king

this is america - childish gambino

killing me softly with his song - fugees

don’t touch my hair - solange

colors - black pumas

weak - swv

burn - usher

black out days - phantogram

none but the lonely heart - tchaikovsky

carry me out - mitski

reflections - toshifumi hinata

looking out for you - joy again

chasing pavements - adele

let her go - passenger

somebody that I used to know - gotye

sofia - clairo

bubblegum - clairo

line without a hook - ricky monthogomery

do i wanna know? - arctic monkeys

why’d you only call me when you’re high? - arctic monkeys

lovefool - the cardigans

505 - arctic monkeys

playdate - melanie martinez

river - leon bridges

at last - etta james

sunday kind of love - etta james

daddy issues - the neighbourhood

sweater weather - the neighbourhood

i wanna be your girlfriend - girl in red

two ghosts - harry styles

are you bored yet? - wallows

the adults are talking - the strokes

pluto projector - rex orange county

japanese denim - daniel caesar

photograph - ed sheeran

married life - micahel giacchino

city of stars - ryan gosling, emma stone

best part - HER

johnny guitar - peggy lee

river road - zayn

mr loverman - ricky montgomery

all of me - john legend

moral of the story - ashe

how can you mend a broken heart - al green

superficial love - ruth b

mixed signals - ruth b

hey jude - the beatles

let it be - the beatles

maxwell’s silver hammer - the beatles

[doubleattitude]

24/7 Dance Convention, Reno, NV: RESULTS

High Scores by Age:

Sidekick Solo

1st: Lauralee King-’Bigger Is Better’

2nd: Valentina Segrest-’All Is Found’

3rd: Nyla McCarthy-’Wind It Up’

4th: Nicole Soto-’Shake and Shimmy’

5th: Brecca Garcia-’Day-O’

5th: Kenlee Townsend-’Kill The Lights’

6th: Ayla Zink-’Stop’

7th: Wren Lavery-’Sweet, Sweet’

8th: Paisley Greendandl-’Worldwide Party’

9th: Marley Cliffe-’Dessert’

9th: Greta Jones-’Shake Rattle and Roll’

10th: Malia Tuaileva-’Stupid Cupid’

Mini Solo

1st: Roxie Onellion-’Drifting Down’

2nd: Isabella Kouznetsova-’Almost There’

2nd: Tiara Sherman-’And The Things Remain’

3rd: Harper Ducale-’Change Is Everything’

3rd: Winter Eberts-’Dreamlike’

3rd: Naiya Abalos-’Forces’

3rd: Cali Cassidy-’Weird People’

4th: Paizley Cogswell-’A Moment Apart’

4th: Fiona Wu-’Juliet’s Dream’

4th: Joah Moore-’Mad World’

4th: Regan Gerena-’My Boyfriend’s Back’

4th: Presley Nava-’Pure Imagination’

4th: Delilah Hewitt-’Shop Around’

5th: Peyton Nowacki-’Angels To Fly’

5th: Kylie Lawrence-’Breathe In’

5th: Tatum Brady-’Fall Creek’

5th: Everleigh Soutas-’Heartbeat’

5th: Olivia Armstrong-’Hit Me With A Hot Note’

5th: Kate Baker-’I’ll Stand By You’

5th: Aria Du-’Reddir’

5th: Elizabeth Hsu-Kwan-’Ruin’

6th: Diana Jouznetsova-’It’s In His Kiss’

6th: Hadlee Heriford-’Unbroken’

7th: Tabitha Nan-’Torn’

7th: June Newmarker-’What A Feeling’

8th: Zoey German-’On My Own’

8th: Elliana Anbardan-’Runway Walk’

8th: Joy Lin-’This Is Me’

9th: Rory Frye-’Amen’

9th: Aurora Brady-’Hit The Road Jack’

9th: Reagan Nordling-’Lemon of Pink’

10th: Khloe Kwon-’Black Pink!’

10th: Aubrey Tolentino-’Footwurkin’

10th: Holland Fraley-’Torn’

Junior Solo

1st: Gracyn French-’CoverGirl’

2nd: Laci Stoico-’Mibiso’

3rd: Makaia Roux-’Everything I Wanted’

4th: Mya Tuaileva-’Can’t Unhear’

4th: Kortlynn Rosenbaugh-’Unearthed’

5th: Hayden Olson-’Breathe’

5th: Lincoln Blakely-’What I Came to Do’

5th: Kendyl Fay-’You’ll Find A Way’

5th: Madison Ortega-’Island Song

6th: Campbell Clark-’I’ll Be Seeing You’

6th: Kylee Ngo-’Ex machina’

6th: Ciana Ciulla-’Sophrosyne’

6th: Madison Ronquillo-’White Ferrari’

6th: Rylee Young-’Lullaby’

7th: Bella Fernandez-’She Was Running’

7th: Kendall Jundt-’Awakening’

7th: Leighton Werner-’The Rose’

8th: Gigi Hipwell-’Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word’

8th: Abbi Francis-’Feel It Still’

8th: Sienna Brown-’Ballroom Blitz’

8th: Natalie Kulba-’Ascending’

8th: Stella Eberts-’Valley’

8th: Campbell Bas-’Silhouette’

9th: Anabel Alexander-’Plans We Made’

9th: Lena Chiem-’Grand Piano’

9th: Anya Inger-’Quiet Thoughts’

10th: Sunnie Pelant-’No Place Like Home’

Teen Solo

1st: Dyllan Blackburn-’Haunted’

2nd: Kaitlyn Tom-’Charity Bound’

2nd: Luke Barrett-’Eden’

2nd: Carley Thinfen-’Self Destruction’

2nd: Elle O’Donnell-’Slowly’

2nd: Imogene Elias-’Timer’

3rd: Zoe Ridge-’A Thousand Eyes’

3rd: Katy McIlwaine-’Heavy’

3rd: Cydney Heard-’I’m Going In’

3rd: Ava DeCristofaro-’Letting In’

3rd: Isabella Warfield-’Nicest Thing’

3rd: Jenna Koblin-’Ultralight Beam’

4th: Kaitlyn Ortega-’All Human Beings’

4th: Sami Sonder-’Fever’

4th: Brooklyn Sandlin-’Hollow’

4th: Siena Riga-’Naked’

4th: Mason Walker-’Touch’

5th: Ali McKeown-’All I Ask’

5th: Lilly McCollum-’Control’

5th: Raina Wu-’Looking In’

5th: Kamryn Webb-’Take Me Out’

6th: Mikaella Lopez-’Mind In Flight’

6th: Dayanara Vega-’Skin’

6th: Amanda J. Lai-’The Journey, Not The Destination’

6th: Zuzu Duchon-’Twelfth of Never’

6th: Riley Cooke-’Yellow’

6th: Aiden Boquiren-’You Will Be Found’

7th: Olivia Magni-’Moonlight Sonata’

7th: Sebastian Hsu-Kwan-’My Identity’

7th: Julissa Ortiz-’Never Knock’

7th: Felix Fulton-’Rome’

8th: Tiffany Robinson-’Human Touch’

8th: Milana Zamora-’Hypnosis’

8th: Ellyana Lor-’Rise of the Phoenix’

8th: Zoey Garcia-’Slappers’

8th: Claire Kaplan-’Suspended’

8th: Avery Reyes-’The Garden’

9th: Bella Machado-’Everybody Got Their Something’

9th: Aaliyah Wiley-’If I Ain’t Got You’

10th: Tyler Chiyuto-’Glitch’

10th: Deanna Zarkova-’Love Song’

10th: Gabbie Carrozza-’Unbroken’

Senior Solo

1st: Zach Burk-’2/21/21′

1st: Selena Hamilton-’Keep an Eye Out’

2nd: Kendall Pangburn-’Secret’

2nd: Anna Miller-’50 Ways’

2nd: Perris Amento-’Addicted to Love’

3rd: Charlotte Foldes-’Shock To Us All’

3rd: Priscilla Tom-’The Blues’

3rd: Milan Furtado-’Peace of Mind’

4th: Gianna Van Den Bosch-’Feel’

4th: Shane Higa-’Superpower’

4th: Camille Fehr-’Till Now’

5th: Kadynce Ross-’Findings’

5th: Kaylee Feierfeil-’Lasting Lover’

5th: Amanda Taylor-’What Is Happening To Me’

5th: Kacie De La Rose-’What’s Poppin’

6th: Lauren Wallingford-’Entanglement’

6th: Izzy Burton-’For All We Know’

6th: Kolton Cross-’Get Your Head In The Game?’

6th: Reese Taylor-’Pink’

6th: Madeline Underwood-’Power of Love’

7th: Mia Hurtz-’Don’t Worry About Me’

7th: John Mays-’Kash’

7th: Amara Tedford-’Stand By Me’

7th: Bianca Capanna-’Unchained Melody’

8th: Grace Glass-’All My Friends’

8th: Stella von Borck-’Hater’

9th: Christina Laude-’Black Ships’

9th: Hanna Clark-’Close To You’

9th: Galilee Nelson-’Everything I Wanted’

9th: Kaitlyn Hong-’I Try’

9th: Cassie Brown-’Ransom’

9th: Delaney Davis-’Shades of Cool’

10th: Noelani Kreider-’Fade’

10th: Alivia Elliot-’My Mistake’

10th: Makenna Bilodeaux-’Oops’

10th: Mallory Davis-’Put It On Me’

Mini Duo/Trio

1st: HYPE Dance Studio-’American Boy’

2nd: Project 21-’I Am The Cute One’

3rd: Pave School of The Arts-’Blow’

3rd: Sweaty Shelly Natomas Dance and Fitness-’Everybody Dance Now’

Junior Duo/Trio

1st: Dance Unlimited Boise-’Me and My Shadow’

2nd: Yoko’s Dance and Performing Arts Academy-’Bring You Home’

3rd: Creative Edge Dance Studio-’Chapstick’

Teen Duo/Trio

1st: DNA Dance Collective-’Tapout’

2nd: Pave School of The Arts-’Amen’

3rd: Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Dive In The Water’

Senior Duo/Trio

1st: Elite Studio of Dance-’Layers’

2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Woman’

3rd: Core Connection Dance Company-’Take Over’

Sidekick Group

1st: Echo School of Dance-’It’s My Party’

2nd: Echo School of Dance-’Tonight Belongs To You’

3rd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Hard Knock Life’

Mini Group

1st: Project 21-’Fan Tan Fannie’

2nd: Pave School of The Arts-’Swine’

2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’We Go To Work’

3rd: Echo School of Dance-’We Comin’

Junior Group

1st: Project 21-’Stuff Like That There’

2nd: Project 21-’No Fear But Anticipation’

3rd: Project 21-’Wegue’

Teen Group

1st: Project 21-’Girls, Girls, Girls’

2nd: Project 21-’Bring On The Men’

3rd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Stand Up’

Senior Group

1st: Project 21-’We Can, We Will’

2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’SR HH”

3rd: HYPE Dance Studio-’Silence’

Sidekick Line

1st: HYPE Dance Studio-’ABC’

2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’We Got The Beat’

Mini Line

1st: Project 21-’Dive In The Pool’

2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Drip or Down’

2nd: Pave School of The Arts-’The List’

3rd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Candy Man’

Junior Line

1st: Project 21-’Proud Mary’

2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’Get Up Off That Thang’

3rd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Lost On You’

Teen Line

1st: Project 21-’Post That’

2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’Can U Feel The Beat’

2nd: Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Never Be Mine’

2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Nine One Six’

2nd: Project 21-’The Dictator’s Dream’

3rd: California Dance Company-’Back Alley’

Senior Line

1st: Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Next To You’

2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Did Something Bad’

3rd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Fergalicious’

Teen Extended Line

1st: Project 21-’Desoleil’

2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’Pressure’

High Scores by Performance Division:

Sidekick Jazz

1st: Echo School of Dance-’Tonight Belongs To You’ 2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’We Got The Beat’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Yankee Doodle Dandee’

Sidekick Hip-Hop

1st: Echo School of Dance-’It’s My Party’ 2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’ABC’

Sidekick Tap

Elite Studio of Dance-’Hard Knock Life’

Mini Jazz

1st: Project 21-’Dive In The Pool’ 2nd: Pave School of The Arts-’Swine’ 3rd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Candy Man’

Mini Hip-Hop

1st: Elite Studio of Dance-’Drip or Down’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’We Go To Work’ 3rd: Echo School of Dance-’We Comin’

Mini Tap

1st: Elite Studio of Dance-’Mr. Postman’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’What You Want’ 3rd: Sweaty Shelly Natomas Dance and Fitness-’Pennies from Heaven’

Mini Contemporary

1st: Pave School of The Arts-’The List’ 2nd: Echo School of Dance-’Warrior’

Mini Lyrical

1st: Elite Studio of Dance-’Wind Beneath My Wings’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Somewhere We Know’ 3rd: Core Connection Dance Company-’Somewhere Only We Know’

Mini Musical Theatre

Project 21-’Fan Tan Fannie’

Junior Jazz

1st: Project 21-’Proud Mary’ 2nd: Project 21-’Stuff Like That There’ 3rd: HYPE Dance Studio-’You Got The Look’

Junior Ballet

Denisa’s School of Dance-’Warrior’

Junior Hip-Hop

1st: Echo School of Dance-’Swagg Out’ 2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’Diamond Block’

Junior Tap

1st: HYPE Dance Studio-’Get Up Off That Thang’ 2nd: Sweaty Shelly Natomas Dance and Fitness-’Don’t Want To Dance Alone’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Dear Future Husband’

Junior Contemporary

1st: Project 21-’No Fear But Anticipation’ 2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’How Will I Know’ 3rd: Sweaty Shelly Natomas Dance and Fitness-’All I Know’

Junior Specialty

1st: Project 21-’Wegue’ 2nd: Sweaty Shelly Natomas Dance and Fitness-’Night Fight’

Teen Jazz

1st: Project 21-’Bring On The Men’ 1st: Project 21-’Post That’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Diva’ 3rd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Show Me’

Teen Ballet

Elite Studio of Dance-’Counterpoise’

Teen Hip-Hop

1st: HYPE Dance Studio-’Pressure’ 2nd: HYPE Dance Studio-’Can U Feel The Beat’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Nine One Six’ 3rd: California Dance Company-’Back Alley’

Teen Tap

1st: Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Sir Duke’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Just Fine’ 3rd: HYPE Dance Studio-’Beggin’

Teen Contemporary

1st: Project 21-’Girls, Girls, Girls’ 1st: Project 21-’Desoleil’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Stand Up’ 3rd: Project 21-’The Dictator’s Dream’ 3rd: Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Never Be Mine’

Teen Lyrical

California Dance Company-’Amen’

Teen Musical Theatre

Sweaty Shelly Natomas Dance and Fitness-’Shaking The Blues Away’

Teen Ballroom

Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Baila’

Senior Jazz

Elite Studio of Dance-’Lip Gloss’

Senior Hip-Hop

1st: Elite Studio of Dance-’SR HH” 2nd: Core Connection Dance Company-’Bay Area’

Senior Tap

1st: Elite Studio of Dance-’Fergalicious’ 2nd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Bad Guy’

Senior Contemporary

1st: Project 21-’We Can, We Will’ 2nd: Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Next To You’ 3rd: Elite Studio of Dance-’Did Something Bad’

Senior Jazz

Elite Studio of Dance-’Lip Gloss’

11 O’Clock:

Sidekick

Echo School of Dance-’It’s My Party’

HYPE Dance Studio-’ABC’

Elite Studio of Dance-’Hard Knock Life’

Mini

Project 21-’Dive In The Pool’

Pave School of The Arts-’The List’

Elite Studio of Dance-’Drip or Down’

Junior

Sweaty Shelly Natomas Dance and Fitness-’All I Know’

HYPE Dance Studio-’Get Up Off That Thang’

Project 21-’Proud Mary’

Elite Studio of Dance-’Lost On You’

Teen

Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Never Be Mine’

Echo School of Dance-’Da Girl Gang’

California Dance Company-’Back Alley’

HYPE Dance Studio-’Pressure’

Elite Studio of Dance-’Stand Up’

Project 21-’Girls, Girls, Girls’

Senior

Dance Attack!-Los Gatos-’Next To You’

Elite Studio of Dance-’Did Something Bad’

HYPE Dance Studio-’Silence’

Echo School of Dance-’I Lost A Friend’

Core Connection Dance Company-’Heartless’

Project 21-’We Can, We Will’

Studio Showcase:

Sweaty Shelly Natomas Dance and Fitness-’Untouchable’

Project 21-’Girls, Girls, Girls’

HYPE Dance Studio-’Pressure’

Elite Studio of Dance-’Stand Up’

Echo School of Dance-’I Lost A Friend’

Core Connection Dance Company-’Heartless’

[grandhotelabyss]

A few extracts from the leftist thinker of the hour. In his latest piece, he inveighs against an unrelated group of philosophers, political actors, and cultural traditions, using mostly guilt-by-association and ad-hominem attacks, with some puerile schoolyard epithets (e.g., “man-childs [sic],” “Boomer Theory”)  thrown in, all in the name of what he calls “positive biopolitics,” defined, if the following vague jargon is a definition, as

inclusive, materialist, restorative, rationalist, based on a demystified image of the human species, anticipating a future different from the one prescribed by many cultural traditions. It accepts the evolutionary entanglement of mammals and viruses. It accepts death as part of life. It therefore accepts the responsibilities of medical knowledge to prevent and mitigate unjust deaths and misery as something quite different from the nativist immunization of one population of people from another. This includes not just rights to individual privacy but also social obligations to participate in an active, planetary biological commons.

Because “many cultural traditions” remain extant, it’s hard to see how we get from here to there, which makes this discourse little more than apologism for present arrangements: the corporate monopolies will, with the financial, legal, and coercive assistance of the state, manage us down to our atoms, and we will be obligated to participate whether we like it or not. Though our author makes a few faint-heartedly woke noises, his vision is, to repurpose his own argumentative tactics, fundamentally indistinguishable from neoreaction with its dream of hyperracist face tentacles—except that I suppose Land or Yarvin would allow for more dispersed authority centers, making their cyberpunk paradise, ironically, the less fascistic of the twinned accelerationisms. 

From this unseemly polemic, one concludes that Hannah Arendt and Michel Foucault are essentially equivalent to Alex Jones and Marjorie Taylor Greene and that only a simplistic reactionary with a pathological attachment to “lost objects” could have any objection to “any artificial governing intervention in the biological condition of human society.” And I’m not Agamben: I don’t object a priori to any, but surely I may object a posteriori to some. See how his abstraction serves his case: he argues at the level of ideas and would probably dismiss any assessment of the actual forces in play (pharmaceutical giants, the U.S. security state, the CCP, Bezos, Gates, etc.) as “conspiracy theory.” (If the conservative’s attachment to “lost objects” is deluded, by the way, what should we call the radical’s investment in an imaginary and basically impossible future, that famous omelette they will never be able to prepare no matter how much albumen they spill?)

The personal slam against Illich is particularly grotesque. Leaving aside the expert class’s new conviction that only a Trumpist CHUD could possibly think medical interventions must be consensual, I know people who died of tumors they had treated in exactly the way doctors recommended—they died a few months later than they might have otherwise, in agonies they might have been spared, from costly and ineffectual treatments with severe side effects. There’s no cure, after all, for cancer, though I wonder how much cancer might be prevented if the biopolitical agents our author extols did not devote themselves to coating the entire planet in a shell of plastic. But I’m sure his endorsement elsewhere of “deep climate governance”—i.e., “You’ve used your heat ration for the winter, pleb!”—will solve this problem. 

Note, too, the contradictions, flagrant in so swaggering an author. First he bizarrely and scornfully attributes to the soixante-huitards a belief in “subjective moral intentionality,” as if a bunch of Nietzscheans talking about the death of the author believed in any such Kantian thing. Then he delivers a moralistic little sermon on masks—wholly ignoring the actual disputed science on the topic—that only makes any sense at all if we subjectively recognize ourselves as moral agents rather than merely biological organisms. These intellectual misanthropes who insist we’re exactly the same as spores and houseflies always run aground on the same problem: if you’re saying it, and especially if you’re saying it to change people’s minds, then it can’t be true. Human exceptionalism, at least on this planet, is not an article of faith but an empirical fact. Marx certainly thought so—see “Alienated Labour” (1844), but then I suppose he was still a Romantic when he wrote that.

As for the wholesale dismissal of Romanticism, I suspect our polemicist hasn’t done the reading. There is no total “disgust with rationality and technology” in Wordsworth or Shelley or Emerson or Melville or Whitman—yes, comp-lit kids, you have to read the English and Americans as well as the French and Germans—only a complaint about their inability to coexist with other dispositions. I have no problem with rationality or technology, but believe their proper role is to serve us, not to master us. I would recommend Dialectic of Enlightenment (1947), but I imagine it comes pre-proscribed by our ardent technologist. And demystification? Please wake me if it’s ever anything other than a rival myth. “Humans are organic objects that should be managed by centralized power” is also a story, not a very good one. A better story, if our author will condescend to read a Romantic, is Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1818, 1831). Often interpreted as a warning about overweening science, it is also a caution—from a woman whose father, mother, husband, and friends were all left-wing radicals who made worse messes of their lives than Ivan Illich made of his—against what one critic memorably calls “Promethean Politics”:

By representing in her creature both the originating ideals and the brutal consequences of the French Revolution, Mary Shelley offered a powerful critique of the ideology of revolution. An abstract idea or cause (e.g. the perfecting of mankind), if not carefully developed within a supportive environment, can become an end that justifies any means, however cruel. As he worked to restore life where death had been, Victor Frankenstein never considered what suffering his freakish child might later endure. 

Mary Shelley’s middle-class gradualist liberal female politics—what Nancy Armstrong denounces as the domestic ideology of the English novel tout court—has its own dangers, and is nowadays complicit with the technocrats, as we hear “Think of the children!” used to justify every excess. Still, Frankenstein, with its gain-of-function experiment gone awry, remains a powerful vision of rampant radical technocracy, what may be unleashed on humanity when the quest to master what cannot be mastered meets its nemesis. Positive biopolitics, on the other hand, given its implicit endorsement of the powers that be and its emptily denunciatory rhetoric, is yet more evidence that we no longer have left-wing ideas in America but only “irritable mental gestures which seek to resemble ideas.”

[365days365movies]

March 12, 2021: Jason and the Argonauts (1963) (Part One)

I am so goddamn excited for this one.

Back to Greek mythology, my first mythological love! And not just Greek mythology, because this...THIS...this is the first true Avengers story. Oh, yeah, like The Avengers.

After all, mythology produced the first equivalent of our modern superheroes, with demigods and legends that wield fantastic abilities and powerful items to fight the forces of evil. I mean, it’s the most superhero thing I can think of, and it’s literally a story as old as time. Fact of the matter is, I love superheroes, and I love mythology. Which is why I’m excited to finally see an adaptation of one of the biggest superhero team-up stories ever: Jason and the Argonauts!

See, it all starts with Hera, queen of the Olympians and petty as FUCK.

See, the newly (and wrongfully) ascended king of Iolcus, Pelias, honored the gods after stealing the throne from his brother. Well, all of the gods except Hera. So, Hera, rightfully pissed off, decides to fuck Pelias over by recruiting his nephew, Jason. Jason’s a naturally hot blonde kid who was raised by the centaur Chiron, also making him wise...theoretically.

Hera tests this kid, and he passes, so she gives him her favor, and tells him to fuck up his uncle. Jason arrives in Iolcus, and demands the throne from Pelias. His uncle agrees, IF he can bring back the Golden Fleece, a legendary treasure that is guarded by a vicious monster and a zealous king. Pelias didn’t think Jason had any chance, but Jason had the gods on his side. They sent their best subjects to his aid, and Jason procured an awesome ship, the Argo. So, who’s coming to help? Oh, you ready for this? ARGONAUTS ASSEMBLE

Now there are anywhere between 46-85 heroes that are assembled in the Argonauts, with different members in different iterations of the myth. But the big members are:

Heracles, son of Zeus, with the strength of a thousand men

Orpheus, son of the muse Calliope, and master musician

Calais and Zetes, sons of the North Wind, with the ability to fly upon it

Atalanta, the swift-footed huntress, and only female member

Castor and Pollux, twin half-brothers (yeah, really) and horse-riders

Theseus, son of Poseidon, and slayer of the Minotaur

Tip of the iceberg there, but you get the point: we’ve got a superhero team on our hands! And these heroes would perform MANY great deeds on their journey to the Fleece. They fought the Harpies to defend an oracle, they passed the dangerous Clashing Rocks, they battled the Stymphalian Birds, with feathers of metal. Sirens, fire-breathing bulls, and a giant bronze man named Talos.

Different one. Eventually, they procured the Golden Fleece on the island of Colchis, where they fought a dragon with a help of the young sorceress (and niece of Circe), Medea. She fell in love with Jason, and the two fled the island, married, and had twins. Only for Medea to reveal herself as a stone-cold sociopath, and only for Jason to ditch her for another woman. That goes...VERY badly for Jason. Breaking off his marriage pisses off Hera, THE GODDESS OF MARRIAGE, and he dies sad and alone after Medea does...Medea does a lot, I’ll just leave it at that. Jason, completely fucked at that point, takes a nap at the foot of the now rotting Argo, which collapses on top of him and kills him.

For the record, I truncated that story A LOT. There’s a lot to it, but I have a movie to watch, goddamit! And I’m really excited because this is my first Harryhausen movie! You know, Ray Harryhausen, one of the early greats of practical special effects in film? A specialist in stop-motion from its earliest days, he revolutionizes the art throughout films in the 1950s and 1960s, with this one being one of the most successful. You’ve definitely seen his influence, from stuff that he’s done directly...

...to those inspired by him and his methodology...

...to the arts that were descended indirectly from his groundbreaking effects.

Oh yeah, I’m fucking GOING THERE. Fun fact: Ray Winston Studios, a stop-motion group active during the ‘80s and ‘90s, and a descendant of Harryhausen’s works, were originally going to do the animation for the dinosaurs in this movie, in Claymation. However, the recent advent of advanced animatronics, alongside ILM’s founding, caused them to take some of those principles, and apply them to CGI and animatronics. So, yeah, I’m claiming an indirect connection here!

Anyway, enough being a nerd, LET’S WATCH THE GODDAMN MOVIE! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

As the bombastic and epic score plays, the credits role of a Greek-style fresco, detailing the various adventures of the Argonauts. And before the movie starts, I come to a realization: there is a high chance that I’m going to hate this movie’s inaccuracies to Greek mythology. It’s not impossible. I’m real persnickety about my mythology adaptations, just warning you all now. I’ll probably get into it in this Recap, too. Full goddamn warning.

We begin with a seer, reading the future for the treacherous Pelias (Douglas Witmer). He sees first a Golden Fleece at the end of the world, but Pelias ignores this, and asks of his upcoming conquest of the kingdom of...Thessaly. Not, uh...not Iolcus. Mmmkay.

The seer fortells that Pelias will seize the throne, by force, from his brother and the king of Thessaly...Aristo...not Aeson. OK then. The seer says that he will be successful, but will eventually fall to one of Aristo’s kids, who will take his throne. He has two daughters, Philomena and Briseis, and one son, Jason. Looks like they’re gonna die, too.

The invasion begins! Amongst the chaos, Briseis (Davina Taylor) takes her baby sister, Philomena, into the temple of Hera, and pleads to her for her protection. However, they’re found by Pelias, who asks who she is. He’s interrupted by a priestess of Hera, who claims that the Queen Goddess has answered the girl’s prayer for protection.

Pelias responds in kind.

Well...I’m sure that’s gonna piss off Hera. He claims it to be the will of Zeus, but she states that it is his will, not Zeus’. The gods have abandoned him, and he will one day fall to a one-sandaled man, Jason. And as the woman reveals this...she disappears. Nice. FUCKIN’ NICE.

This “priestess” is Hera (Honor Blackman), of course. She goes to her husband, Zeus (Niall MacGinnis), and asks if he ordered Pelias to destroy and profane her temple. He says no, as that was Pelias’ attempt to stave off his inevitable fall by Jason. However, Jason has escaped Pelias’ wrath, as has his sister Philomena. Hera decided, however, that she wants to take down Pelias, and Jason is the best was for that to happen. Hence, she wishes to sponsor Jason.

However, Zeus, being the classic misogynist, says that he will allow it, but she may only help Jason 5 times, once for each time that the fallen Briseis prayed to her. She agrees, and waits 20 years to start fuckin’ with Pelias. Pelias, meanwhile, is growing more paranoid over the one-sandaled man prophecy that Hera gave him.

One day, on the bank of a river, Hera appears to make Pelias fall off of his horse into the river. He’s saved from drowning by a young man, who loses his sandal in the process. This is, of course, Jason (Todd Armstrong), who was already on his way to see Pelias for some reason.

For the record, this is an adaptation of the original story, in which Hera disguises herself as an old beggar-woman, and Jason proves himself to her by helping her across the river, after which she gives him her favor. To be honest, I like this a bit more, or at least as much.

Pelias brings Jason back to a camp for a celebration, with him as an honored guest. Jason reveals exactly who he is, and that he was raised outside of the city by one of his father’s loyal soldiers. He has come to reclaim his right place as king of Thessaly, and to restore it to it’s rightful glory. However, Pelias hasn’t revealed himself as king, and asks Jason how he plans to accomplish these feats. Jason replies with his ultimate plan: obtain the Golden Fleece.

Here’s the deal about the Golden Fleece. One of the most legendary items in Greek mythology, the fleece is essentially a symbol of royalty, and is the coat of a ram with wings found on the island of Colchis. Now, the meaning of the fleece has long been debated, with the main consensus stating that it’s a symbol of royalty. However, some claim that it’s a symbol of prosperous farming (golden grains of wheat), the forgiveness of the gods for some unknown deed, Zeus in the form of a ram, or simply the promise of the unknown at the edge of the world.

What it DEFINITELY ISN’T is a magical healing garment, as Jason claims it to be. But OK, whatever, we need a good reason to get the Fleece, sure. Pelias, not revealing himself, says that Jason should try to get the Fleece, with a boat and a crew, and bring it back to Thessaly, returning and killing Pelias in order to take the throne. Of course, Pelias thinks that this is impossible, which he says to his son Acastus (Gary Raymond). He also knows that if he kills Jason, he it will mean his own destruction, as Hera told him.

Jason goes to ponder this journey, only to encounter the seer. The seer asks if he has come to pray to the gods, to which Jason states that he doesn’t believe in them, nor does he have cause to. The seer offers to give him that cause, and reveals himself as Hermes (Michael Gwynn), the swift-footed messenger god, god of medicine, and trickster god of the Olympians.

Hermes isn’t usually directly involved in the myths of Jason, but that’s OK. He also does something particularly unusual, and brings Jason TO Olympus to meet the Gods themselves. Which, uh...yeah, hot damn. Zeus and the rest arranged for Hermes to bring Jason to them. They ask how they can help him on his quest. Zeus offers him a ship and crew, but Jason refuses, much to the gall of EVERYBODY.

Hera helps him by telling him where to find the Golden Fleece: the island of Colchis, at the other end of the world. To get there, though, Jason’ll DEFINITELY need a ship. He decides to go to the shipbuilders of Greece, and tell them that great treasure lies on Colchis, and they may receive some for their aid. As for the crew, he’s got a similar tactic. Offer the reward to the athletes and heroes of Greece, who will compete in games to determine their eligibility.

Not from the original myths...but it actually makes a lot of sense. Goddamn, is this going to be a good adaptation? I’m excited! The games are held, and many athletes win their place on the journey. They include: Castor and Pollux (Ferdinando Poggi and John Crawford), Acastus, and of course, Heracles (Nigel Green). And yeah, he’s called Hercules here, but I don’t care.

When Hercules arrives, this grabs the attention of the young Hylas (John Caimey), who arrived to late to compete in the games. He challenges Heracles to something, believing that beating Heracles in something will guarantee him a place on the ship. 

While everyone mocks this, Heracles agrees to go up against him in a discus-throwing contest. They must hit or pass a rock in the ocean by throwing their discus. Heracles hits it easily, of course. And the frail Hylas...

...Nice. Did not see that coming, and that’s actually very smart. Also takes a lot of skill, because I could NOT do that. Hylas wins his place in the ship, to the delight of both the crowd and the Olympians. And yes, Hylas actually is a companion of Heracles in the original stories, so that’s neat!

Now for the boat, being built by master builder Argus (Laurence Naismith), who is coming on the ship with them. He notes that something appears to have guided his hand during the ship’s construction. In the original myth, that would be Athena. However, here, it’s probably Hera, as the figurehead is specifically carved in her image. And is also...alive?

Well...to be fair, in many myths, the ship contains wood built from a magical tree that could speak, and see the future. So, OK, magic ship, fair enough. Well, hopefully, that ship’s guidance will happen soon, as the voyage immediately proves difficult. No water, no rest, and frustrated men.

Jason asks the figurehead for help (which would be help #3) and Hera speaks through it to tell Jason to head to the Isle of Bronze, where Hephaestus once had his forge. However, the island is lorded over by a powerful something called Talos. I know what Talos is, but the movie hasn’t revealed him yet.

The Argo makes its way to the island, and the men head ashore to get food and water. They see goats there, which will provide them both food and drink, and Heracles and Hylas chase after them for just that aim. And that’s when they blunder into a giant bronze statuary, lorded over by the statue of Talos.

The two enter a chamber in the statue’s base, which is filled to the brim with gold and treasure. However, Jason warned the men of the Argo not to take anything from the island but food and water. Hylas remembers this, but Heracles doesn’t care, and takes a golden staff from the chamber. And Talos...Talos doesn’t appreciate that.

Oh, that’s a great place to take a break! See you in Part Two!