#Tadeu my beloved

[bat-the-misfit]

thinking about Tadeu

[aldwirs]

MY BG3' S OCS: 1/?

MARCUS ☆ EZRA ☆ TADEUS ☆ ALEXANDER

[theniftycat]

I’ve been thinking about Death in Venice for a few weeks now. It’s a short story and not much happens in it. So why, I thought, it was important enough to be remembered? Just because it was vaguely scandalous? No, it’s too simple, I thought a day after finishing it. Weeks passed and I kept coming back to that novel in my thoughts.

Strarting with 1930s, this story written then would seem like a farce. Even earlier, what exactly did it say to have an impact?

An old famous writer comes to Venice out of bordom. falls in love with a beautiful 14 year old boy, does absolutely nothing, then dies of cholera.

He comes to Venice and hardly goes anywhere apart from the hotel beach. In Venice. The only time he rides a gondola, he’s paranoid and uncomfortable.

When a cholera outbreak strikes, he deduces it and does nothing. He doesn’t even tell his beloved Tadeus’s family that it started.

He’s driven by the dream of the classical beauty. Like the perverts of the XVIII century, he thinks that a wig and rouged cheeks will help him look presentable. They do not.

He’s like a ghost of the dead ideals of the romantic era. The era that ended forever.

In a long dead city with death in its walls, he dies. The last romantic. As ridiculous and impotent as what he believes in.

I get it now.

[coxinhadoce47-art]

Tadeu my beloved 💜

And his left arm

---

Tadeu meu amado 💜

E o seu braço esquerdo

[evscabuwazi]

Honey-Almond Cake & Sunshine

There’s been a whole lot going on in this mad old world lately, which has had me wanting to shake my fist dramatically at the sky and throw my head back with a cathartic cry of “WHYYYYYYY?”

I think it’s safe to assume that most of us are feeling something of the intoxication of this crazy cocktail of fear, frustration and disbelief, in these times of such great uncertainty.  All of us, no matter where you come from or what you do, all of us are personally feeling the effects of this global catastrophe in one way or another.  For me, my mother has had to cancel her transpacific flights for June, and I don’t know when I’ll see any of my family again.  Also, for the first time in my life I feel that I’m spending my entire working week (and beyond) doing something meaningful, something that helps people and brings joy, something that matters.  And now it’s all on-hold.  Indefinitely.

Of course, I am very aware that it could always be worse.  The effects on the pandemic upon me are incredibly small, compared to many others.  However, this isn’t actually the angle I want to take today, the well-ya-know-it-could-always-be-worse.  No, I’d prefer to write about the quietly-and-stoically-beautiful, and the my-goodness-aren’t-we-blessed.

The lovely Carla took this picture of me, Xénia, Martina and herself basking in the sun at Tempelhofer Feld.  We’d all just come out of the meeting informing us that all work for us volunteers was suspended until 19th April (at the earliest), that we weren’t even allowed to be on site.  The atmosphere in the Zirkus Café had been tense; nobody knew how to react, or exactly what the way forward would look like.  But the four of walked together outside and the sun was shining more exuberantly than he had in six months and we were together and it was impossible to be unhappy.  It felt like the first Spring day there ever was.

Now the rules have been revised and I’ve actually spent the last two days working on site, caring for our beautiful circus ground at a steady, relaxed pace.  It’s been wonderful.  Yesterday Tadeus and I talked about life as we methodically shifted requisites between tents, with breaks for chai-drinking or demonstrations from the master to the novice of how to befriend the equipment.  Then today the other girls joined us and we turned the Bluetooth speaker up to full blast, dancing to The Specials as we assembled a tightrope and disassembled an amphitheatre.  More tea was brewed; more marveling was done at the wonder of a world moving more slowly.

I’ve been doing a lot of walking around my beloved Berlin this week.  There’s no need to rush, with my usual jam-packed schedule reduced by about 90%.  I’ve been listening to Etta James and the audiobook “Love in the Time of Cholera”, taking impossibly inefficient routes as I weave through a happy-sad city.  Yesterday I spent over half an hour walking to the post office to collect a package.  I asked the sharp-eyed man behind the counter,

“Haben Sie vielleicht ein Paket für mich?”

“Ja, aber... ab morgen.  Es kommt am Donnerstag an.  Morgen.”

“Ach so!” I exclaimed, reading the note more closely.  “Heute ist Mittwoch?  Krass.”  I shrugged, told him I’d see him tomorrow and turned around on my merry way back home.

Strolling back along the same route again today, enjoying the irrelevance of time just as much as the day before, I stopped at a café (empty but for the waitress and three other customers) to use the bathroom.  I thought I’d better buy something - one must always justify one’s use of the facilities with at least a cursory purchase, right? - and selected a slice of Honig-Mandel-Kuchen.  Having no cash in my pouch, I attempted in vain several times to pay with card.  I checked my account and assured her that there was indeed money in there, and yet still my EC-Karte wouldn’t play ball.  I apologised and put my wallet back into my bag.  She smiled, told me to take a seat and gave me my piece of sweetness anyway.

There is kindness everywhere.  There is beauty everywhere, if you remember to look.

~ Maggie

[bat-the-misfit]

finally finished rewriting Juliana's personality analysis!!! It has 12 pages now and it is so much more complete and i'm so proud of myself sidwjbsjqoaodywiwhaj!!!

[bat-the-misfit]

my cousin was showing this really crazy girl's vlog going to a concert of one my cousin's favorite bands bc i wanted to run away of my aunt's questions

this girl was so excited and rambled so much i joked "wow she's like Tadeu as a modern-day girl fangirling over her favorite boyband"

and my mind exploded right after i said that

that's how i realized how i wanted his daughter to be like and now i wish i could have my fucking computer and start writing her profile but i'm stuck with stupid family members and i'm freaking out

WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTIME I FEEL LIKE WRITING I CAN'T FUCKING WRITE??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA