#TWO KINGS IN THE SAME ROOM
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lunarnightt · 8 months ago
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DANNY DAVITO WAS IN THE SAME ROOM AS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN!!!!
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starry-bi-sky · 3 months ago
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Blood Blossom Au: before the nightingale sings
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for my batdad blood blossom au, the one where Vlad poisoned Danny with blood blossom extract and Danny ran away from him and ended up tumbling into the care of one Pre-Robin Battinson Batman :). A quick oneshot telling the tale of the tragic deaths of the Fentons
TW: Major Character Death Warning
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Not all deaths are created equal.
That is a valuable lesson in life to learn. One that Danny learns when he is eleven years old, standing in the pit of his parents’ creation; the culmination of their life’s work. The portal to the other side, the realm of the dead. To the infinite. 
He learns that when he’s eleven years old, in a hazmat suit that sags on him, and boots that clunk when he walks because the only ones that fit are his mom’s, and even those are too big. In gloves that he has to clench his fists in because otherwise they fall off. In goggles that slide down his nose even when he’s tightened them the farthest they can go. 
He learns that when he’s eleven years old, choking on giggles that harmonize with the laughter of his friends’ who stand at the mouth of the tunnel. Sam’s holding a polaroid in her hand. They’re just being kids. 
They’re not laughing when Danny’s hand hits the safety lock — the one with faulty wiring, the only one in the tunnel. The only one he could possibly hit. They’re not laughing when the portal buzzes to life, and the lights inside switch on row by row as the generator begins to rumble and hum. 
They’re not laughing when Danny dies. They’re screaming. They’re not screaming when he comes back.
Not all deaths are created equal.  
Some are poetic, beautiful. The satisfying close of a book as it comes to an end, of the hardback thumping soft against the pages like the sound of a door closing. A train run its course.
Some are violent; unsatisfying; unfair. The unexpected shattering of an egg as it rolls off the countertop when nobody is looking, the unmistakable crack as it falls to the floor. It is abrupt and messy. 
But most are just… unremarkable. Unintentional. Clumsy. 
Danny’s family dies one night in late January. He is thirteen years old, barely a month away from fourteen. It is unforeseen. It is preventable. It happens. 
It happens like this: 
Their water heater breaks one Monday in January. It’s old, sitting in the garage, and has dealt with nearly sixteen years of Fenton-grade chaos and shenanigans. Of parents tossing scraps and junk into the garage as brief storage to come back to later. Of illegal tune-ups on their vehicles that result in something exploding. Of little children running around and knocking things over, playing with poles and sticks they find on the ground, on the shelves. Of being lived and used.  
Something had to give. 
Jack Fenton notices it immediately when he comes upstairs that very afternoon — his children at school, his wife downstairs — to grab something from the garage. The very same scrap and used material they store like squirrels to use later. 
He stops what he’s doing to fix it.  
It wasn’t supposed to be permanent. 
Despite what many believe, Jack Fenton is not the idiot people make him out to be. He knows what he’s good at, he knows what he’s not. He knows he can be passionate and obsessive and single-minded about things. He knows that he is a scientist, an inventor; an engineer. 
He knows that he is not a plumber. That fixing water heaters is not something he knows how to do, not safely. And he loves his family. What he does is only meant to be temporary — a fix meant to only last a few days until they can call someone in who can fix it for them. 
So Jack Fenton futzes with the water heater, gives it a temporary stitch to last a short while, and reminds himself to call a plumber later that day to come in and fix it. He turns and leaves the garage with the part he came for —  a sheet of metal for his wife to melt down — and disappears back downstairs. 
He does not make that call; it slips from his mind. 
It is not his fault. 
One day passes, then two, then suddenly it is Thursday. The water heater has still not been fixed, the water heater has been forgotten. It is nobody’s fault.  
Danny asks his parents at breakfast if he can stay over at Tucker’s house for the night. Just one night. They’re going to study for their math test and then play video games until midnight, but he only tells his parents that first half. 
He’s been doing well in school. Really well — better than he has in a while. There’s been a delightful lull in ghost appearances for the last few weeks. The living don’t know why, but Danny does. The Winter Truce always calms the dead down for a while, something about how the Zone cleanses itself twice a mortal year and that fresh wave of ecto clears out the old and brings in the new. 
This year Danny got to participate. He’s feeling the effects of it too, and he’s been sleeping consistently well for the first time since the accident. 
It’ll never happen again. 
His parents agree under the condition that he doesn’t stay up late, and Danny harmlessly lies through his teeth and agrees. He goes and throws overnight clothes into his school backpack, and when he leaves for school with Jazz his parents are already departed into the lab. 
The last conversation he has with his sister is in her car on the drive to school. Inane, mindless conversation to fill the air and pass the time. Jazz comments on how relaxed he’s been lately; Danny tells her about the Winter Truce. She listens in rapt attention. 
She tells him that she’s glad to see him so well-rested. She thinks her little brother’s been growing up too fast these days. She thinks he’s been too tense. Too caught up with the spinning of the world around him that he forgets about himself sometimes. 
When they reach school, before Danny can get out of the car, Jazz looks to her little brother and says; “I love you.” 
Her little brother’s cheeks turn an embarrassed shade of red. He makes a scrunched up, grossed-out face, but can’t hide the smile pulling across it. “Don’t be a sap, Jazz. I’ll see you later.” He tells her, yanking his hood up over his head. She hears the bashful, ‘love you too’ before he walks away. 
That is the last conversation she ever has with her brother. 
Thursday is unremarkable, passing by in its normality as it always does. There’s one, maybe two ghost sightings; shades lurking around in curious infancy that are easily spooked away by the presence of a greater being. Danny doesn’t even have to go ghost. 
Thursday evening is even less so. Danny goes to Tucker’s house — Sam has a prior arrangement with her slam poetry club — and the two of them study for an hour before they toss their textbooks aside and reach for the game console. 
Danny sleeps in Tucker’s room with one of the extra blankets on his bed, curled across the room in one of the bean bag chairs. It shouldn’t be comfortable, but to Danny it is. He sleeps throughout the night, the portal shut down by his parents before they’d gone to bed. 
Early Friday morning, before the sun has even risen yet, before it’s even so much as a concept to grace the horizon, the water heater breaks again. It was supposed to be fixed. 
Carbon monoxide is a silent killer. Odorless and scentless, it kills within minutes. It fills the house like a shadow casting over the ground, creeping into the rooms. 
Danny’s family die in their sleep; painless and unaware. 
It’s not Jack Fenton’s fault. He didn’t mean to.  
Nobody wakes up with their alarms. 
Danny wakes up to Tucker Foley’s alarm on Friday morning, and he turns his head intangible and shoves it into the beanbag chair like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand. Tucker gets up before him, and throws a pillow at him as he reaches for the alarm. 
There’s laughter, messing around. The both of them get dressed, and Danny has breakfast with the Foleys that morning. He takes the bus to school with Tucker, and they meet Sam by their lockers. 
To him, everything is as normal as it should be. There are no ghosts for him to fight right now, school is as school does, and he’s on top of all his schoolwork. 
He does not see Jazz at all that morning, he doesn’t notice. Their schedules are so different, their routes on different paths, that it’s not uncommon for Danny to not see Jazz until he gets home some days. That’s if there’s no ghost attacks. 
At lunch, he gets approached by her friends. Worried creases between their brows, they ask him if he’s seen Jazz. She hasn’t shown up to any of her classes. She’s not answering their texts. It’s unprecedented of her; unheard of. 
Danny doesn’t admit to the concern that swells in his gut when they tell him this. He shrugs at them, and says he hasn’t seen her either. But it was probably nothing to worry about; she might just be sick and sleeping it off. 
He offers to text her and let them know if he gets a response, and that seems to ease her friends enough that they shuffle away in uncertainty. He keeps his word, and does exactly that. He pulls out his phone and opens her contact, and shoots her a message.
‘Where are you?’ 
He doesn’t get a response back, Danny is left on sent. He puts his phone in his pocket, and with a sense of unease creeping in the back of his mind, goes on with his day. He gets no response by the time the final bell rings; and he tries not to be worried. 
The house is quiet when he opens the door. Unusually quiet. He drops his backpack to the floor, it lands with a hearty thunk, and begins to take off his jacket. “Mom! Dad!” He yells. He hangs it up, and slips his shoes from his feet. “Jazz skipped school today!”
A laughable untruth that would get his sister all riled up normally; she should be able to hear him from the front door if she was in her room. The house just stays dead silent. 
He can’t even hear the usual banging and crashing from the lab. His unease returns. He reaches for the intercom that leads directly down to the basement, and presses the button to turn it on. A burst of static, and then he speaks;
“Mom? Dad?” 
Danny lets go, and waits for a response. He gets none back. That never happens, not when the house is this quiet. Not when he knows they should’ve heard him. 
Something sickly and fearful borns in the pit of his stomach, and begins to snake upward. He heads for the lab. The cool metal of the door is familiar in the grooves of his hand, and he doesn’t even need to think about the code as he punches it in;  he simply lets muscle memory guide him. It’s been the same since he was little. 
The door hisses as the pressure is released, and he swings the door open. He takes the stairs down two at a time. Something is wrong. His parents aren’t answering him. His feet pound against the metal. 
“Mom? Dad?” He calls again, more worried, more frantic. More scared. His voice echoes down the stairwell, and he reaches the bottom before it’s fully faded. The lab is empty. The portal is still shut down. 
It was four in the afternoon, they should still be down here. 
Danny races back upstairs, fear-raised nausea coiling in his throat. “This isn’t funny you guys!” He yells when he reaches the top, shoving open the door with more force than necessary. His head swims, his voice cracked. 
He checks the garage, the car is still there. 
“Mom!? Dad!” His voice bellows out throughout the first floor, loud enough that it bounces back at him and rings against his ears. He’s never raised his voice this much — mom would scold him if she heard him. But she doesn’t show up. “Jazmine!” 
Finally, he goes upstairs, and he can’t tell if what he’s feeling is anger or terror. Something is very, very wrong. 
He swings the door of his parents’ rooms open first, and there they are, with the lights still off and the curtains still drawn. As if they hadn’t left their bed all day. Some of Danny’s fear lifts from his shoulders just by the sight of them, but he’s still trembling. Something is still wrong — the room smells… off. Not good, not bad. Just… off. 
He swallows dryly, his throat still thick, and steps into the room. “Mom, dad?” They do not stir. “Didn’t you guys hear me yelling?” 
There is only room static. Danny’s heart shrivels in his chest with a tenfold return of terror, he feels ill. He remembers, just now, that they’re not heavy sleepers, and his dad should be snoring like a freight house. 
Danny reaches their bedside in seconds, hand outstretching for the covers, “Momma? Dad?”
Not all deaths are created equal. 
But many of them are accidental. Unmeditated. Shocking.
Danny Fenton finds his family dead in his childhood home. He runs to his neighbors in hysterics, inconsolable, in tears. Nine-one-one is called, but there is nothing that can be done. They were dead for hours by the time Daniel Fenton returned home. 
He sits on the front steps of the neighbor’s house beside FentonWorks, his jeans slowly becoming wet from the snow that was unable to be scraped off, and watches the paramedics cart out his family beneath white sheets. There are police cars blocking off the street, yellow tape blocking off his house, red-blue lights lighting up the block, an ambulance on the scene. He is wrapped in a shock blanket, and he is missing his jacket and his shoes. His tears are freezing onto his face, he can’t feel the chill. 
Not all deaths are created equal
But all of them are unforgettable. 
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#dpxdc fic#blood blossom au#dpxdc ficlet#starry's writing#tw character death#cw death#angst#hurt no comfort#carbon monoxide poisoning almost sounds like a plain way to go when compared to the other batkids. but then you think about it for more#than a second and then the inherent horror of it all creeps in. danny found his family dead. he found their corpses.#i didnt feel comfortable writing it - just a little bit too heavy even for me yet - but just know that danny shook his parents as if he was#trying to wake them up when he realized they were dead. he went into emotional shock and kinda mentally shutdown.#he yelled and screamed and tried to wake them. and then rushed to his sister's room only to find the same thing. rinse and repeat#more time passed between danny finding them and him going to his neighbor's than what i showed#no more than an hour because the house was still full of carbon monoxide but longer than five minutes. long enough that when he finally wen#over - in hysterics and missing his shoes and jacket - he was completely inconsolable. he was having a breakdown.#when i was writing the ending scene with the paramedics and police and stuff i was very much calling on how i imagine Bruce's own experienc#might have gone. different but similar. with a thousand yard stare and water in their ears#two boys wrapped in shock blankets surrounded by police lights and having just seen their families dead. teehee
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soupthatwasreheated · 1 year ago
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@tmaappreciationweek Day 3 - Favorite Scene
It was so hard to pick a favorite but I love these two so much and them being besties in mag 190 gave me life.
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shima-draws · 1 year ago
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If Luffy ever met Elizabeth Swann would he absolutely lose his shit or what
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thatgaiagirl · 4 months ago
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A Mini Rant about Yasuo’s Lore and what could be done with it
There were so many missed opportunities here and examples Riot could have drawn from, and I’m gonna lay it out.
The main problem is that Yasuo’s story premise was based on him being ‘The Unforgiven’, and through progressing his story via Confessions of a Broken Blade and Yone’s return, in order to have that same conceit he can never fully forgive himself, and therefore literally every story arc he has gotten since Spirit Blossom had been him learning to forgive himself again and again and again. Ruined King did it, the Yasuold skin is implying it, Riot won’t let him do anything else.
And I just. Ok there are ways to do this and I think the premium example to point to is Graves.
Graves was also released with a specific concept; he was hunting Twisted Fate for revenge. That was his whole thing. And in Burning Tides, he actually confronts Twisted Fate and moves his story forward. Riot would’ve been arguably more justified in keeping Grave’s lore state the same than in Yasuo’s case, but no; he and Twisted Fate legitimately start working together again and their story permanently moves forwards after that. And just - Yone’s release and the whole Spirit Blossom event was PERFECT to do that for Yasuo.
Imagine if Yasuo decided to hunt the Azakana with his brother - maybe in an effort to redeem himself in his own eyes even if Yone doesn’t want him dead, maybe to help his brother learn what he’s become, there’s many reasons why he would do this. Imagine a Demon Hunter Yasuo lore skin that shows him in a better mental place, travelling alongside Yone killing Azakana. Honestly you could make that happen in current lore - it would not be hard to have the brothers meet each other again. But just - do ANYTHING with him, have Yone’s return MEAN something. Yasuo is a popular champion and a lore update like that could be a great marketing ploy as well, if we’re also thinking from the business side of things.
Another option would’ve EASILY been giving him a Sentinel skin. The event kind of sucked, yes, but there was legitimate set-up for him to be there. As it is, he returns Braum to the Freljord and then goes to free Riven… only for the Sentinels to get there first. The Sentinels could’ve burst in mid-jailbreak with both Yasuo and Riven there, and there’s no reason for Yasuo NOT to join them if that happens. Again, missed lore skin potential for a popular champion (I do not count Sea Dog Yasuo, that’s just… ok why? Sentinel would’ve been a better fit), he would’ve been an interesting personality to add to the mix, and if he returns with Riven to their village at the end of it, it could’ve been an ACTUAL book-end to his character arc with him CHOOSING to return to his hometown instead of staying the wanderer.
Either of these could’ve actually done shit with him but. Eh. Anyways I have brainrot so I may actually end up drawing either a Sentinel or Demon Hunter Yasuo for the fun of it. Probably Demon Hunter, I have a way you could theoretically get him to that point from his current place in the story so. Anyway.
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sysig · 1 year ago
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You’ve caught my Wandering Eye ♥ (Patreon)
#My art#Wander Over Yonder#Wander#Commander Peepers#Wandering Eye#I love them...#Two little guys in love#As is clearly evident from Peepers body language lol#Kinda deeply thinking about a series of Peepers ship/dynamics as maybe an excuse to draw him a lot lol#You'll recognise this one as the completed vector from a previous doodle set! :D Look what not-editing can accomplish! Lol#Honestly it was mostly running out of room for Wander's left shoe that even made me want to start this project in the first place#Who'd have thought something that small would make me want to completely redo it lol - but it did! I want a complete Wander hug!#Peepers is less convinced lol#I think their dynamic can be very sweet <3 Peepers is underappreciated! Wander is very appreciative of everyone haha#And he clearly cares about Peepers enough to know what would make him happy - again same as everyone lol#I mean I don't think Wander would be monogamous in the first place but I think he'd bluster in and make C. Peeps happy for a while#Who would of course be resistant lol - but just like Hater how much can you actually hold against honest affection#Wander is also a good choice to ship with everyone and I already do with Peepers - they fit together that way hehe#Plus they're adorable so there's that lol - I love that Peepers is shorter than than basically everyone including Wander#Wander is very tiny! But C. Peeps is tinier! Short King <3#Wander was incredibly correct when he called C. Peeps too cute to stand - same with Awesome even if he was doing it derogatorily#Peepers is cute! He's very cute!#His silhouette is also still the funnest <3 He's so easy to express with I love his proportions <3 <3#Cutest lads
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jjba-smash-or-pass · 10 months ago
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the-monkey-ruler · 1 year ago
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I understand why 2 wives was not a big deal, but I never understood why Bull King stay away from Iron Fan for 2 years. Why not have both wives live together? Plus Iron Fan is much more likable than Jade Face and you can tell her feelings were sincere.
Well, it was very clear from the start that Jade Face really didn’t like Iron Fan. She continuously talks down to her, belittling everything she does, and hates when Bull Demon even gives her gifts. Iron Fan doesn’t like her because Bull Demon is away all the time but it was Jade Face has shown nothing but hatred to Iron Fan despite having Bull Demon living at her manor.
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Also that usually wives did live in different manors. At least I am more used to knowing that if you are rich enough to have two wives then you usually have individual manors for them as well.
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Let me clear that while Bull Demon does care for Iron Fan he does let Jade Face get away with too much and does not manage his time well between his wives. That is why he is in the wrong and also highlights how he is still an antagonist in the story. Bull Demon is seduced by Jade Face considering she is horribly rich and has a luscious family manner that is in her name. He married her for those riches and trying to take him back to his home rather than enjoying the luxury that he married into which would take away the point of his marriage.
Bull Demon isn’t in the wrong for getting a second wife. He is in the wrong for being a shit about it.
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lanternlightss · 2 months ago
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Silly doodle I made based on the tags you left on the ask answer (in case it’s visually confusing the bottom textbox is read first)
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(decarabian design by @gr3yart because both this design and the king have longass hair and “hide” their face in some way)
I was originally imagining if those two ever met, the king would be a similar height to how he was at (act 5? act 6? the point at which you actually defeat him for good and he’s frozen in time) and he’s tall but not floor-to-ceiling tall but this is funnier. Deca being very tall by human standards compared to. The King. Deca constantly yapping about The Divorce while those two have a serious conversation about how to most effectively make things stay the same forever. I am sosososososoosossoo normal :) (resisting the urge to draw and/or write an old mond and isat crossover)
CACKLING SO MUCH ???? HELP ???
this is AMAZING oh my god i love this so much. decarabian just standing in front of the king, fully in “(sigh…) i miss my wife, tails. i miss her a lot.” mode is making me lose it 😭😭 AND HIM CONTINUING TO YAP ABOUT THE DIVORCE AT ANY OPPORTUNITY HEJSHDHD like the imagery of the king carefully trying to preserve a specific memory and here comes deca, who recognizes it for something else, and is just like my wife did that once …. i did not understand at the time why, but looking back, looking at this …. :(
and oh ??? that would be such a fun idea, esp if the king hasn’t fully committed to the. freeze everyone in time decision yet. on the edge of it, about to enact the nightmare …. decarabian getting to know about the universe too and how it deals with wishes would be 👁👁
these two would be on celestia’s “watch OUT” list So Fast.
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cabeswaterdrowned · 9 months ago
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remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame
#I do think that was an oversimplification of both but. Not totally off base there are some similar char tropes used I’m proud of past me for#the attempt. Also I think I’m going to start advocating for Diviners in that way now that trc fandom is apparently quite miserable post GW#you like gay people doing dream magic? you like witchcraft and ghosts and strong ensemble casts?#you like an ambitious abuse survivor getting a healing arc with learning to control magic/psychic abilities as a metaphor? you like four#book series where the first three books rock and the last book which is named king + corvid is a bit underwhelm who said that?#a positive point in diviners favor is Ling x Wei Mei >>>> RonanKavinsky. Generally find the take on dream magic in diviners more compelling#(although LingHenry + RonanHennessy both being mlm wlw duos who are the dreamers is kinda fun)#anyway. This is not actually a fair comparison because Ling is my fav or at least top two w Theta of the leads and I love Ronan but he is m#least favorite of the trc leads of which there are four all of whom I love so it says nothing bad about him. But it does put me as an#outlier re: fandom priorities..#on the flip side while I love diviners dynamics sadly I don’t think they ever come anywhere close to Gangsey levels of extreme codependency#so I can not care quite as much….#from what I remember the girls in Gemma Doyle are a lot more codependent good for them. Would have to reread to compare codependency levels#Ling and Theta are both my favorite in diviners in the same way Blue and Adam are my favorite in trc and Abed and Annie are both my fav for#community. basically one char who I love and overidentify with (Ling/Blue/Abed) and one char I love who in many ways I’m not like#but in a handful of very niche specific ways I also relate quite a bit. And am fascinated with (Theta/Adam/Annie)#s speaks#very off topic from my initial point which was you should read Libba Bray’s books#and in both cases I have a second and a half tier fav (Evie/Gansey/Britta) who I love fictionally but if I was trapped in a room w them I’d#kill myself. with the white blonde women I’d also want to make out w them debatable if that makes it better or worse#but like. I could not stand listening to them speak for that long I know this#Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…
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yunolic · 3 months ago
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how life got me feeling now 😆
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inksansfangirl · 2 years ago
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Babe
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The girls are fighting.
*psst psst* it was me, I made them fight…
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tathrin · 2 years ago
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wtf how is my silvergifting/gwaith-i-mirdain playlist already twice the length of my gimleaf one when I only started it like a week ago?
(I guess I just know more songs that suit that dynamic, which should perhaps be slightly concerning...except that I’ve always loved a good villain song the best, so. Far too late to be concerned about that now!)
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neverendingford · 1 year ago
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#tag talk#vent#I don't wanna do the whole “I'm so good at psychology cause I've fixed myself. I should go into counseling” thing that overly empathetic#empathetic people do. but like. nothing like deconstructing a tense social conflict to make you feel good#the smol autistic minecraft enby who adopted me had a moment and I helped break down the situation and resolve shit with them. it was cool#but also I immediately went out to the living room and napped for three hours. thinning that hard was exhausting.#do you ever do the depression nap thing? when I'm doing well I never sleep during the day. but when I'm sad I take naps a lot#because I don't want to be awake and I sleep poorly at I night and am just generally lethargic so I nap on the floor or couch a lot#ugh knowing the stress will go away doesn't help the fact that it's super awful right now.#it's times like this that I wish I'd really committed to it in Feb. like. in two weeks I'll be better and joy de vivre and all that.#but right now? ugh. big fuckin ugh#the minecraft emotional labor thing is just a natural responsibility of being a 25 year old playing online video games with 15 year olds.#if I see a situation blowing up I can't hear sit by and watch someone destroy their friendships on the server. I have to help#but also bro I am struggling to help myself. maybe I say I'm packing up my pc early so that I have a good excuse to stay off the server#I literally did the thing again where I make new friends. make everyone love me. and then get burnt out at the speed of light and disappear#making friends is so easy. leaving friends is so easy. nothing is forever and we all die someday. blah blah blah you know it already#meaningless meaningless. all is meaningless. maybe king Solomon was just fuckin depressed when he wrote that. sure sounds like it to me.#I just can't do anything when I'm like this. we're subsistence living now bois.#I wonder if part of my neurological damage is from the lead I used to eat in high school.#the windex shots can't have been good for me. but I don't think that stays in your body the same way#though it did fuck up my urinary tract for a few months. that was wild.#anyway. I wonder how much of my chronic periodic funk is just effects from bad choices and how much is normal natural inevitable.#everything is an ocean. nothing is a lake. the waves are always thirty feet high and the troughs scrape you on the bottom of the reef#nothing is midline except when you're rushing through to one extreme or another.#you're either overstimulated or absent from your body entirely#both of which cause wild and oft unbearable dissociation.#everything gets better and everything gets worse. I'm only like this when I'm stressed. but that's my secret cap (avengers reference)#anyway. I'll survive. I'll make it. I'll live because I need to become even more gay to make my family mad.#I need to keep living so my dad realizes just how much he's lost touch.#so my mom cries about how she should have done something differently so I wouldn't grow up gay. because that makes so much sense right?
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caninemotiff · 2 years ago
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I don't even need things to be out of sight to be out of mind, if I don't want to deal with it, my brain will simply erase it from memory as soon as I see it
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inbabylontheywept · 1 month ago
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The Motherfucking Lizard King
No one at work trusts my boss. 
He's smart. He works hard. He's not trustworthy. He hasn't actually fucked anyone at work over, but he's ruined his last two marriages with affairs, and got dumped by his third fiance when he wouldn't sign a prenup. The fact that we all know this is just a hazard of working in a small town. 
Anyway: The thought process of the people in the lab is that if he screwed over his first wife, and his second wife, and was probably planning on screwing over his third wife, it would be insane for him not to screw us over. After all, what kind of idiot treats their employees better than their spouse? 
I dunno. His kind, I guess? He's had a few chances to fuck us over, and he hasn't taken them. Opposite really. When our parent company was doing furloughs, he stayed in the office almost a hundred hours, talking and talking and talking his way up the corporate ladder. And in the end, no one at our site got furloughed. 
He's pulled strings like that before. And it baffles me, right? Because it really does make zero sense. He'll move the heavens and the earth for us, but his wife and kids are afterthoughts. It feels like any moment, he's going to look into the mirror and realize how stupid that is. It feels like I'm betting on him making the same stupid mistake again, and again, and again - like it would be less cynical to believe he was, eventually, going to stab me in the back. But he hasn't yet, and as far as I can tell he's been making that mistake for close to fifteen years, and it's already cost him everything it can. If he was going to learn, he would have by now. 
So my position on him is that if he wanted to date someone I cared about, I'd warn them off. I don't trust him there. But I tentatively trust him to be my boss. Maybe one day he'll stick the knife in and twist, and everyone will say Ah, Babs, we warned you, but for now, I accept that he's doing a very predictable, very irrational thing, and I've made my peace with it. 
---
My job has glue traps. 
No one likes the glue traps, but we don't have a lot of options. Poison's banned by state law, spring traps are banned by company safety, and several non-lethal options tried in the past failed to work. The mouse problem can get pretty bad if it's ignored, and there's some real health hazards in that. Our site has never had a positive hantavirus test, thank God, but the big base about a half hour away has. That guy's gonna be on oxygen the rest of his life. 
If a mouse gets caught, we just euthanize it. But more than mice get stuck. Lizards can wander into those traps too, and the people working there have different feelings about the lizards. They don't pose nearly the same kind of risk mice do. They're chill little guys, and they keep the moths away, and they're just 
You know. They're friendly. There's something to be said about walking into a room, and hitting the light switch, and seeing two little guys on the wall start to do pushups as soon as they see you. 
People used to just euthanize the lizards too, but I had pet leopard geckos as a kid and I couldn't take that so I wound up googling how to free animals from glue traps. Now, when a lizard gets stuck in a trap - which happens once or twice a week - I get some vegetable oil from the breakroom, and a little plastic fork, and I'll spend fifteen to twenty minutes just kind of gently prying the little guys out. 
I have a team of technicians that help me operate one of the larger machines. They're real blue collar guys, ex-airforce, and they make me look like a little kid. Being an engineer means they'll look to me as a leader sometimes, which is a wild experience. And I started helping the lizards for my own conscience, but one of the crazier consequences of it has been that it seriously boosted my leadership cred. Because those guys see me, and they go: Hey. If he's willing to fight for a lizard, he's gotta be willing to fight for me. 
I cannot overstate how nice that is. Most engineers that want to make a change to a maintenance practice, or try an upgrade, they have to work their asses off to get the techs to buy in. But I can just ask. They already trust me to do good. They know I'm new, and they know I'm not the smartest engineer in the building, but they also know I'm the one who gets lizards out of the glue traps. 
And just because of that, they're willing to follow me. 
---
My boss has a meeting every month or two. It's typically basic house cleaning stuff - reminders about routines we've gotten lazy on, and updates on future projects. Maybe some warnings about problems coming from higher up in the company.
People are, in my opinion, a bit too cynical about the meetings. It stems from people not trusting our boss, which again, I understand, because it would make so much more sense if he wasn't trustworthy. It's a testament to the man's incredibly unhealthy priorities that he is. But as we made it to the end of the meeting, one of bullet points was: 
Do NOT mess with animals in the building. 
So I looked at my techs, and they looked at me, and when he got to the point, he was so scathing I actually just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He said basically that he'd heard some reports about someone in the building handling animals that found their way in and got stuck, and that he just wanted to emphasize how insanely inappropriate that was, not to mention dangerous, and that if he needed to speak to anyone about it again, there would be severe consequences. 
I was willing to just take the shame and move on. I was. But one of my techs is old. Old enough he could've retired two years ago. And his actual literal goal is to one day get angry, yell at someone, and storm out. That's how he wants to retire. So instead of biting his tongue like everyone else, he stood up and said: I hate the glue traps. You hate the glue traps. We all hate glue traps. But we've all sat here for years, ignoring the little things that get stuck in them, watching them die, and then Bab's comes in, and he is the first person in decades to give enough of a shit to start pulling the lizards out. And I don't want him to stop. 
Get humane traps or shut up but we are not going back to the old way of just letting things starve. 
And my boss actually froze up. He got all wide eyed and stared at Marc, and then the other techs jumped in, and there was a very small but intense rebellion in the meeting and my boss kept trying to interrupt while getting absolutely bowled over by this gang of angry middle aged air force vets, and eventually he just went 
I will speak with Babylon about this afterwards! After! And then he will speak with everyone else, but I have more points to cover. 
So they went silent, and my boss rushed through the last five minutes, and we all adjounred. The techs really didn't like that I was going in alone - they thought our boss was going to try and shout me into compliance. Marc in particular was like, Look, if he tries bullying you, stand your ground, and if he threatens anything, just come get us, and we'll give him hell. 
So armed with that, I went to my boss's office. I sat in the chair across from him, and he kept his composure for maybe five seconds before just flopping back into his chair. 
I had no idea you were saving lizards, he said, but I'm glad you are. I always hated seeing them die in the glue.  
I wasn't expecting that. I was about to ask him what the comment from the meeting was about then, but he answered that before I even got the chance.
A snake got into the building last week, and - someone picked it up and chased a coworker around. Turns out that coworker was severely afraid of snakes, and now it's a shitshow. We're a small site, and now I can't ask those two to work together anymore, to say nothing about how the snake fared after all that. Being upset about that is a reasonable thing, right? 
And he gave me a look like he actually wanted an answer, so I said Yeah, totally, chasing a coworker around with a snake is a dick move. Especially if that coworker is already afraid of snakes. 
And he said Exactly! and then we sat there a few moments longer. He looked so incredibly tired that I did, actually, feel kind of bad for him. And then he somehow managed to sink even further into his chair, and said
Look, I know I'm not a good guy. But I'm not evil. I'm not some sort of crazy asshole that's going to demand that everyone watch lizards starve to death. When you go back downstairs, could you try to pass that on? That I'm not evil? 
I said Sure because it wasn't a hard request, and he looked relieved. I actually made it halfway out before I realized I had a question. 
Who grabbed the snake? I asked. 
Not supposed to talk about it, he said. But whoever comes to mind first is probably right. 
ThatGuy? I asked. And he looked me in the face, nodded his head yes, and said No. 
---
The techs seemed a little disappointed that they didn't get to storm the boss's office, but were otherwise in good spirits. They were actually a little bit embarrassed to hear about the snake story - apparently, it wasn't much of a secret. It'd just slipped their minds because it happened three weeks ago. 
We did maintenance after that, the same basic repairs we did every week. The meeting had been stressful and it was a relief to work with my hands. When the parts were reinstalled, everything cleaned and smooth and ready to go, Marc found me again. 
You know what the lesson of today is? he asked. And there were quite a few answers to that that I could have taken - from don't assume the worst of people to be careful with how you spend your trust - we all need it more than we think. 
But instead I said what? because I wanted to hear what his answer was going to be. 
That I got your back, he said. Then he clapped one very, very large hand on my shoulder, gave it a good squeeze, and walked back to dosimetry lab.
---
The next day, Marc gave me a package and told me to open it in my office. I was suspicious, but I followed the request.
Cardboard gave way to a small baggie, obviously full of fabric, which opened to reveal a t-shirt that read
"I Am the Motherfucking Lizard King."
I looked at it, I loved it, and then I got an idea. I went to my boss's office and knocked on the door. When he opened it, I asked him if he would be willing to allow something very unprofessional to happen for morale building purposes.
How unprofessional? he asked. I held the shirt up in answer. He gave the shirt a short look over and snorted.
You can wear it on weeks without customers, he said. Which just so happened to include that week.
I'll pass on that it came with your blessing, I replied, and he looked oddly relieved.
Thanks, he said. And then I went downstairs.
---
The techs were very, very happy to see the shirt. And while my boss's reputation remains in tatters, and probably will be until he moves (or dies), the next time there was a meeting, there was quite a bit less complaining about how mere presence. Which is, I guess, a start.
We'll see if he squanders it.
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