#TWO DATES AND A FUNERAL

[lab-trash]

I put up a krewer fic. For my one other krewer fan out there.

“It’s my, uh… Bird!”

“Why’s your bird in a box?” Milton asked, a confused look on his face. 

“Well, my bird is in a box because it’s” Jack looked for an excuse. Agh. “Dead!” He said with too much excitement over the excuse. “I mean, uh… dead.” He corrected his tone. Milton immediately looked sad for his friend. 

“I am so sorry. Come on. Bring it in, you,” Milton said, holding long arms out. Jack swallowed, holding himself back from immediately launching himself into Milton’s safety, away from this mess he’d gotten himself in.

“No…” He said humbly. 

“Yeah,” Milton said encouragingly. Jack couldn’t say no to him again. 

He gave in, leaning into Milton’s shoulder. Milton embraced him as well as he could for the weird angle they were at.

Jack liked being so close to him. He smelled good; citrusy. That made sense for him. He was warm, also made sense due to the layers he usually wore. His lanky body was surprisingly comfortable, although the back of Jack’s head said it was just because it was Milton so of course he was comfortable touching him.

The second Milton’s hand touched Jack’s hair, he pulled away. If he let that go on even a moment longer, Jack would’ve crumbled, revealing the planned date and Jack’s feelings about it— about Milton.

“Okay! Uh…” He babbled as he pulled away. “You know… Thank you, Milton, but I’m grieving, so I should probably be alone right now.” He said. 

He swerved around Milton, heading for the dojo. 

Maybe he didn’t have to be alone, but he had to not be around Milton. Milton made Jack feel the way he knew he should’ve felt around Kim. But it was easy to pretend he loved Kim, she was his only girl friend. Maybe romantic feelings were just like platonic feelings, just for girls.

Maybe this urge to be near Milton was nothing. Maybe this trance that Jack had to actively fight whenever he spoke was nothing. Maybe it was just that Best Friend Feeling! Nothing romantic, nothing gay about it. 

“Oh, you’re wrong, Jack,” Milton said, following him into the dojo. “A funeral service is exactly what you need! That’s why, I’m arranging one here at the dojo tomorrow!” Milton said, making Jack turn.

Of course Milton was going to say that. This was Milton.

No matter what, Jack had to reject it. He had to be with a girl— with Kim. That’s what he was supposed to do. Everyone told him so. 

“Ah, I don’t know, man.” He swallowed again. He hated lying to people, especially Milton. “Bucky was a very… private bird.”

“Trust me, Jack,” Milton said. He motioned to himself. “I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye to my goldfish. A-And there are some days I just can’t even get out of bed.”

Jack’s heart ached. He hated the idea of Milton feeling that way. He also hated that he didn’t know about this, that Milton hadn’t told him. 

“I’m sorry, man. When did that happen?” He asked, trying not to let his sympathetic pain show. Milton stepped back slightly.

“Nine years ago!” He exclaimed, sounding genuinely broken up about it. 

Part of Jack thought that he was being a bit ridiculous; that he shouldn’t be reacting this strongly to the death of a goldfish from back when he was 7 years old. But this was Milton. He was precious and fragile and god, if Jack didn’t care about him enough to look past the stupid reason for occasional deep bouts of depression, he’d probably hate himself. 

“Right,” Jack said. 

“I just, I don’t want this sort of long lasting effect to happen to you because you never got to say goodbye,” Milton said, turning back to his friend. 

Jack’s stomach churned. Why the hell did Milton have to be like this. Why did he have to be so sweet and caring… why did he have to be so fucking loveable. 

“Of course. Thanks Milton.” Milton beamed at him, making the feeling worse. 

The feeling of relief that flooded him at the idea of skipping out on this date and getting to spend the whole night with Milton instead. He hated that feeling, almost as much as he loved it.

________

Jack may or may not have gotten dressed four different times in order to find the most flattering outfit. He knew for a fact that he wouldn’t have put this much care and panic into his outfit for his date with Kim; he already had the outfit picked out. 

He probably would’ve worn that— a black and grey button-up with dress pants and the most formal shoes he could find, which were basically just black sneakers— but once he put it on, he decided it wasn’t good enough for Milton. For a funeral, rather, that Milton put so much time and effort into. 

He slapped on a blazer over top, but it looked too monochromatic. He ran through probably too many dress shirt/tie combinations before settling on a muted cerulean button up with no tie and the top button undone. 

He wasn’t Milton; he wasn’t great at pulling off the whole formal look.

He walked into the mall foyer when he saw Kim. She was wearing a pink, yellow and blue printed dress. She was pretty, from what Jack could tell. 

“Wow. Kim, you look amazing,” He praised, like he knew he should. 

“Thanks!” She said happily, looking at Jack’s outfit. Part of him felt weird about it, like this outfit wasn’t for her. “You do too,” She returned. She sighed. “Ugh, this was supposed to be our romantic date at Portaccini’s,” She said. Jack tried not to swallow anxiously at the very idea of that happening. 

He was supposed to like her. He was supposed to find her attractive and cool and the ideal partner, but he just couldn’t. He wanted to, but it was just always out of reach; there was always a roadblock in the way. 

“Yeah, instead I’m going to a funeral for a bird that doesn’t exist,” He said, trying to put the roadblock out of his mind. 

“And I’m going on a date with Jerry, who unfortunately does exist,” She added. He noticed Jerry walking up to Kim and heard footsteps behind him, presumably Milton. 

“Let’s get our grieve on, Jack,” He said.

As Jack’s eyes laid upon him, his breath caught and he was made painfully aware that the roadblock’s name was Milton Krupnick. 

He looked back at Kim and Jerry, trying not to stare. He tensed up as Milton put his hand on his shoulder, then quickly moved it around Jack’s shoulders. He swallowed his pleasant unease. 

He kept his eyes glued on Kim as they both stepped away, not wanting to face the reality that was the hot mess that he became when he faced the cute mess before him. 

Milton sat Jack down in a chair facing an audience of others and he tried not to stare as Milton made his way to the podium he set up. 

“I’ve prepared a poem for Jack and the loss of his dear bird, Bucky.”

Jack could see his mother in the audience with a look of confusion. Jack squeezed his eyes tight shut, trying not to let this moment linger like he knew it would in his mind that night. 

As Milton paused, Jack felt the relief that maybe this would be over soon and he could go home and fall asleep— though he’d inevitably dream about the majesty that apparently was Milton in a classic suit, holy wow— but Milton spoke up dramatically again. 

Jack took it upon himself to interrupt the so very Milton moment, despite his chest weighing him down to his seat. 

“Okay, thank you. Thank you,” He said. His voice caught once he let his eyes linger on Milton again and he jerked his eyes back begrudgingly toward the audience.

“Jack, uh, why don’t you come up and say something?” Milton asked with a bittersweet smile. 

“Uh, no, no.” He briefly made the mistake of making contact with Milton’s crystal blue eyes, which were accentuated well by the dark colour of his clothing and the ginger of his hair. “I-I’m good, thank you,” He stuttered, not looking down at their shoes instead. 

“Oh, well, come on,” Milton urged. The moment he felt Milton’s hand on his back he couldn’t bring himself to argue against it. “Say something.”

The next thing Jack knew, he was behind the podium, his thoughts only occupied with Milton while he was supposed to be making a speech for his late bird. 

He hesitated. 

“Uh… Bye-Bye, birdie,” He said, a bit dazed. “Thank you all for coming,” Was all he could say next. 

He walked into the direction of Milton, expecting him to move so he could sit back down. But Milton stopped him by putting his hand on his chest. Jack hoped he couldn’t feel the absolute jackhammer that was his heartbeat.

“Oh, no. This was just the memorial,” Milton said. “Now we take the four-mile funeral march up to Mount Seaford for the graveside service,” He said. Jack’s face morphed to match his pain. 

First of all, why did Milton have to be so thorough in his kindness and generosity? Why did he have to be so sweet and considerate and amazing— like he just wanted Jack to fall in love with him. Second of all, what the fuck… Third of all, Jack hated that he couldn’t just confess everything right now. 

It would hurt him, it would hurt Kim, and it would probably hurt Milton. 

“And then down to the skating arena for the musical tribute: Bucky’s Life on Ice,” Milton said with just the sweetest sympathetic smile. 

Jack sobbed out random nonsense that honestly he wasn’t thinking about but just hoped it wasn’t some random confession.

As Milton walked Jack out of the dojo, he subconsciously thanked his choice to not buy dress shoes, leaving him in sneakers. 

They walked mostly in silence, even as they hit the outdoors. 

Jack allowed himself an occasional glance at Milton as they walked through the night, but that turned into him staring at Milton’s beauty— which was somehow magnified in the moonlight. 

The silvery glow let Milton’s eyes shine like beautiful larimar. His pale skin complimented it well and his hair made Jack feel like he was being faced with fire. Soft, beautiful, fluffy fire. His freckles were paler in this light, but just as beautiful as they always were.

They were at least halfway up the path when Milton noticed.

“Jack, are you alright?” He asked carefully. “I understand if you don’t want to continue; I can be a little too much sometimes.”

“What?” Jack asked, spacing back in. “No, you’re not too much. Well, in this situation, I guess you technically are,” He sputtered. He took a breath. “It’s okay. Let’s keep going.”

He had to do this. For Kim. For Milton. For himself. 

Jack wasn’t allowed to be queer. He wasn’t allowed to be anything but perfect. Perfect face, perfect hair, perfect talent— a blackbelt with a blackbelt girlfriend who was just as beautiful as he was. 

He wasn’t supposed to be in love with a dorky, adorable yellow belt. A yellow belt who put so much time and effort, and probably money, into doing this for him. 

Once they reached what Jack assumed was the gravesite, they placed the corsage into a pre-dug hole that Milton made. 

It ran through Jack’s head that Milton walked up this mountain just to dig a hole for a fictional bird. 

“Would you like to say anything before we let Bucky return to earth?” Milton asked. Jack swallowed nervously. They were almost done. He shook his head.

Milton nodded and carefully covered the white box with the dirt he’d dug out with a trowel.

With the corsage buried, so was Jack’s self control and the pressure to date Kim. 

It felt so symbolic to see Milton burying this thing that Jack had bought for Kim. It felt so symbolic seeing Milton putting this symbol of his and Kim’s relationship under the dirt, never to be seen again.

“Actually, I-I… I should say something.” 

Milton smiled gently at him.

“Go ahead,” He said encouragingly. “It’s just the two of us. Say what’s on your mind— your true feelings.”

If that’s what Milton wanted…

“Milton, I don’t have a bird,” He admitted. “I’ve never had a bird; I know nothing about taking care of birds. I lied to you.” Milton’s encouraging smile fell. 

“Why would you lie to me?” He asked, sounding hurt. Jack took a breath.

“I was supposed to go on a date with Kim tonight.” Milton’s eyes widened, clearly feeling guilty. 

“Oh my goodness, Jack, I-I am so sorry! Jerry and I totally ruined this night for you two!”

“Well, I… I’m thankful, honestly.”

“What?”

Jack took another breath, finally allowing his thoughts to align— finally allowing all of these fantasies and thoughts about Milton to collect. 

“I would rather spend a day climbing up a mountain with you than sitting in a romantic restaurant with Kim,” He admitted. “I don’t actually… like Kim like that.”

“Why would you lie to her like that—”

“I’m gay!” Jack spat out. His eyes widened and brimmed with tears. 

That was the first time he’d said it, the first time he’d admitted it to himself. 

“Oh my god…” he whimpered. “I’m gay…” He said, his hands shaking as he brought them to his mouth. 

“Oh,” Milton said quietly. “Oh! Oh my god.” Milton smiled. “Jack,” He urged, stepping closer. He wrapped his arm around Jack’s shoulders, and put his other hand on his other shoulder. “That’s okay.“

“It’s not,” He muttered quietly. He wiped away a few of his tears. “I-I’m supposed to be with Kim, I-I’m supposed to date girls, I-I’m not supposed to be in love w-with…”

“Jack, it’s okay. I had a tough time with it too, but with a little love and acceptance—”

“What?” Jack asked, turning his head to face Milton. They were closer than he expected. He never thought he’d get to see Milton’s eyes this intimately.

“When I came out, my parents were a little… less than accepting,” Milton admitted, stepping back a little. He kept both his hands on Jack. 

Honestly, he was thankful for that. It kept him grounded. 

“My dad came around, but my mom still hasn’t. I don’t expect her too— a-and I don’t need her to. I’m proud of myself for being myself. It’s one of the only things I actually like about myself,” He said. “You’ll learn to love and accept yourself too, Jack. I know you will. You’re amazing, you deserve the confidence that comes with pride.”

“You’re gay?” Jack asked. Milton smiled lightheartedly.

“I thought it was obvious,” He said with a small laugh. “I guess if you’d known you could’ve come to me before,” He said. “I promise you’re safe with me. You can tell me anything.”

The way he said it, so comforting and sweet. It made Jack want to believe him.

“I think I’m in love with you,” He said. Honestly, he wasn’t thinking. He only realised when Milton stepped back. He sighed.

“C’mon, Jack. You don’t mean that. Just because I’m the only other gay guy you know doesn’t mean that you have to feel like you like me. There are other gay guys in Seaford, trust me. I’m sure you’ll find a sweet, cute boy to go out with.” Jack sighed. 

“Milton, I was… in love with you before I knew you were gay,” Jack admitted. “Seriously, I was really struggling with it. I’d go to bed every night, thinking about how I should be with Kim— because everyone thinks so, everyone says so. Even my mom, who’s only met Kim once. But I’d wake up from dreams about you.”

“Really?” Milton asked meekly. 

“Yeah,” Jack answered. “Milton, you’re amazing,” He said. He took a risk and put his hand on Milton’s. “You’re so sweet and beautiful. You’re smart and funny and literally the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met. I don’t get how people can not fall in love with you.”

“You actually like me?” Milton asked, as if Jack’s speech wasn’t clear enough. 

“Well, seeing you in a suit tonight almost destroyed me and the only reason I didn’t tell you I didn’t have a bird sooner is because I wanted to spend the night with you,” Jack said, a lot more bluntly than he had before. “And I… really want to kiss you right now,” He added quietly. 

“Really?” Milton asked with wide eyes. “You can! Right now, if you want. Please.”

Jack smiled and did the one thing that his dreams featured every night these days. 

He kissed Milton Krupnick. 

Milton kissed back immediately, just as Jack had always imagined. His lips were soft, which made sense. He tasted like cinnamon rolls; also made sense. It matched how he smelled today.

Jack finally let his hands settle onto Milton’s body, one on his freckled cheek and the other tucked half-beneath Milton’s suit jacket by his hip.

Milton’s hands settled at Jack’s neck and buried in Jack’s hair. Jack usually didn’t like people touching his hair, but when it came to Milton, he kind of craved it. 

Once they pulled away— after what was definitely not long enough— Milton’s eyes hesitated to open. 

“Wow,” He said as they flicked open. 

“Agreed,” Jack said, a smile spreading over his face. Milton swallowed this time, pulling away slightly.

“So, uh… I have the ice skating rink completely rented out for the next hour. If you wanna go… like on a date or something,” He said. “A-And no one would ever know, because it’s completely private.” 

“That sounds amazing,” Jack said, a smile on his face. It fell slightly. “I… might not be ready to tell people for a while,” He admitted. “I’m still getting used to this whole… ‘being okay with myself’ thing.”

“That’s okay, Jack,” Milton said. He quickly pecked Jack’s lips again, surprising him slightly. “I’ll wait for you to be ready.” He pulled away completely, but offered his hand. “So… ice skating?”

“Sounds perfect.”

[bylroos]

anyways enough emo textposts its time for me to talk about that the mv for history by olivia holt featured leo howard, but then they never actually got together, and thats my fucking villain origin story

[stan-joe]

hey link click fans just to make your day worse I'm pretty sure the entire last few episodes happened on lu guang's birthday

[iristial]

Being actively into Kpop again is showing me how peaceful it is to be a toku fan because what do you mean a literal Korean entertainment company has been secretly writing up "reports" dunking on other artists that read like malicious observations you could find under a netizen gossip portal. The two months I spent watching the Geats tag get swarmed with some Michinaga and Keiwa fans battling it out through anonymous asks is nothing compared to this

[nanamis-bigtie]

i don't like writing angst but that post makes me think so hard about ino taking care of reader, who was nanami's partner, after nanami's death

[heavencasteel420]

I have a couple of incidentally no-UD AU ideas (the Stonathan college one, the teen film noir one), but there’s one where that’s the main idea (i.e., what would have happened with the characters if there’d been no Upside Down or shady psychic experiments). And one of the things that happens is that Will becomes Yearbook Popular in high school (i.e., not a jock and not one of the rich kids who parties, but the respectable tier after that). It comes about because:

The most obvious, violent bullies of his age (the Troys and Jameses) become less popular in high school and are just regarded as kind of pathetic, even if nobody questions the attitudes behind the bullying.

Having never suffered the horrors of the UD and in large part robbed of the last part of his childhood pre-adolescence, Will is both more ready to put aside “immature” interests to make things easier and less cognizant of life being too short/unstable to cut out a source of joy.

Will also doesn’t have to deal with the social fallout of essentially being the victim of a lurid true crime story.

Girls, especially Nice Girls who do Yearbook and Student Government, like Will, because he’s good-looking and pleasant company and handy whenever a poster needs to be made. He doesn’t make a lot of new guy friends in high school (it is still rumored that he’s gay and people suck) but the approval of the girls means he has a crowd.

Joyce still starts dating Bob when he’s in eighth grade, which papers over some gossip about the family and leads to more stability (and, because of how the family works, Will is always going to be the first beneficiary of any increased stability). So he’s coming from a less obviously poor, dysfunctional family.

He gets a girlfriend, because, while he knows he doesn’t want that and Joyce and Jonathan and Bob are always saying he should be himself, he still lives in a Society. He’s also aware that Joyce and Jonathan are both really anxious that things be good for him, partly because they feel bad about him being bullied previously and rejected by Lonnie, and partly because they don’t want him to go through the stuff they went through. Also, there’s tension in the family because Jonathan’s having a hard time (read: a long-overdue anxiety disorder) and both Joyce and Bob are well-meaning but unhelpful about it for a while because they don’t get what’s going on. So there’s a lot of pressure not to be any trouble.

The Party are all still friendly with each other, but (much like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) they’re moving in different directions. Lucas still joins the basketball team, Dustin falls in with the super-competitive nerds, and Mike goes the Hellfire route. Will is neither the first nor last to find his own thing, but he sees which way the wind is blowing.

[theinfinitedivides]

said a prayer for Jjong today.

[invisiblyvisiblejay]

my grandfather pays my college tuition right and he has said many times he won't pay after next spring and he called me last night so i like. told him im not graduating and im staying an extra year to finish my math major and he was like. my responsibility ends after the spring and i was like yeah i know. and then like 5 minutes later he was like once i stop paying for you and your sister im going to start saving money to go on a cruise. like he really said i have to go into fucking debt bc he doesn't want to pay for four years of college (A NORMAL AMOUNT OF TIME TO GO TO COLLEGE) bc he wants to go on a cruise. also my dad has seen his bank statements (in case he dies or something idk) and according to him OUTSIDE OF INVESTMENTS my grandfather has 80k just. in a bank account. like sitting there. idk i only talk to him rn bc i feel like i should bc he's giving me 20k a year but like once he stops doing that like fuck that i guess lol.

[trans-leek-cookie]

Thinking abt AITSF and the ownership of bodies

[lendmyboyfriendahand]

.

[crystalkitty1220]

mustard.

What am I Iooking at here

[lab-trash]

Jack dropped $200 on comphet.

[cowboyishbabe]

Ahhhhhhhh

[itneverendshere]

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - FIVE

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mention of pregnancy; abortion; lack of self-care

You’ve had to make a lot of unfortunate decisions in your life.

Choosing a place for your entire family to rest for eternity, picking the caskets, the headstones—it felt like deciding which curtains to buy for the house, except you were burying your entire close family.

After the crash, your parents were gone instantly, just like that—no goodbyes, no warning, just there one moment and gone the next.

But your sister survived. Three days. You thought maybe that was a sign, she’d live despite everything, and you wouldn’t be left alone.

Two weeks later, the doctors told you it was time, but you couldn’t accept it. You held her hand, begging her to stay, telling her every promise you could think of if she opened her eyes.

When the monitors finally went flat, you couldn’t feel anything but desperation. Rafe had to pull you out of there, his arms locked around you while you kicked and screamed, sobbing and begging your sister not to go, not to leave you here.

You fought him with everything you had left, clawing, crying, pleading for just one more second. You were screaming so loud you didn’t even recognize your voice. Everything good had been ripped away from your hands, there was nothing left of the world you’d known.

After that, you remember sitting in some stuffy funeral home office, skimming through catalogs and hardly seeing the pages through your tears. The caskets all looked the same, the types of wood made no difference to you, fabric linings, all of it felt so wrong. 

None of it was a choice you should have to make. 

It was unthinkable to be contemplating about gravestones. How could you sum up your family in limited words or dates, let alone choose a font for it?

You just picked something neutral and blank, something that didn’t require thought or emotion because, by then, you had nothing left to give. 

Now you were trapped again, caught between a rock and a hard place.

Your first thought had been telling Topper, your only real family left, but he was as much Rafe’s as he was yours, and when it came down to it, he was still his best friend. Loyal to him since they were five, and jesus knows how he’d react if he found out about this. He’d most likely freak the fuck out and tell Rafe everything, thinking he was doing the right thing, or worse, letting it slip to Ruthie.

Ruthie—no chance you’d involve her. She’d just see this as another fucked up piece of gossip she could hold over your head, another way to judge or control you. She was “friend” only in the loosest sense of the word.

Kelce was the last person you’d consider turning to for something this serious. He has always been there, but you never got close. He was too much of an instigator, always pushing Rafe to do reckless things he’d regret later, peer pressuring him in ways that made you wonder if he even knew what loyalty meant. He had this weird loyalty to Ruthie, defending her comments as if she was some misunderstood angel when really, she was just… mean.

So that left Sarah. 

It felt weird, thinking of her as the person you’d call on for something so serious, she was the only one who felt… safe. She wouldn’t judge, wouldn’t pry, she’d seen what the worst kind of family conflict could do, and she’d keep this private, just for you.

It’s then you recognized how small your world was. How few people were truly yours.

You were pretty sure no one in this town would fully understand, they’d just offer their "advice," as if they knew you, seen what you’d been through. 

The truth was, they didn’t know shit. They hadn't seen you holding your sister’s hand, begging her to stay alive. They didn’t know what it was like to bury everything that made you feel like a person, like you belonged somewhere, and have to get up the next day like nothing happened.

Nine days, you would be halfway across the country, and you needed someone. You pictured saying it out loud: “I’m pregnant", just those two words, to someone’s face, you had no idea what to say next.

Maybe you’d tell them that it wasn’t about wanting it gone out of spite or shame, but because you couldn’t bring a child into a world where you felt this alone.

Earlier that morning, you’d stared down at your phone, thumb itching to click on Sarah’s name, like just pressing "call" could fix everything. You despised how needy it made you feel—reaching out, when you’d prided yourself on surviving alone. 

You didn’t have much time to ponder about it, because you were stuck at the beach cleanup.

Just like every other summer, another "social responsibility" event that your late father’s foundation insisted you smile through. Even back then, when they were alive, your summers were a carousel of charity galas, fundraisers, endless hours of small talk, and impeccably arranged seating charts.

The board members of the foundation probably thought it would “ground” you—remind you of your privilege, of your “responsibility” to give back. As if a couple of hours and a few bags of garbage would somehow balance the scales. They never seemed to understand how much of it was all for show, this shallow idea that if you looked the part, no one would care to learn more.

But, still, you’d show up. You always did. Smile, make just enough small talk to appease the right people. 

Today, it was just you, a few kids and teens dotted along the beach with oversized trash bags. It wasn’t even noon, but the sun felt like it was scorching you alive. It was laughable, really, standing under this blistering sun with a cheap trash bag and an endless stretch of sand to clean. 

Kie, who was so genuinely invested in this whole “save the planet” thing it was almost enviable was there too with JJ, who was running around her as usual, wearing his ‘I’m just here for the ride’ expression but enjoying himself. The love between them made you miss having someone who cared in ways that weren’t just calculated moves.

She waved at you from the shoreline, her eyes moving to the trash bag you were barely half-filling.

You weren’t friends, but if Sarah liked her, you did too.

You offered a faint smile back, tired, because between all the shit you’d been thinking about, you'd forgotten to eat, to drink anything, and every time you leaned down to grab another crumpled plastic bottle or a bit of seaweed-laden garbage, you felt like your legs were about to give out on you. 

Every now and then, she would throw a quick, appraising glance your way, like she was expecting you to miraculously become invested in the beach’s ecosystem.

You didn’t have it in you to pretend this was enjoyable today. The “effortless” philanthropy your family loved was a lifestyle you’d never bought into. It didn’t matter how many smiling photos of you had ended up on some charity’s social media—you knew you’d rather be anywhere else.

You had to take a break every few minutes, leaning against a pier post, trying to get yourself together as a few of the younger kids gave you wary glances. You could have left—probably should have.

You managed a tight-lipped smile, giving a thumbs-up that said, Just doing great over here, guys!

You were in a long t-shirt, which hung over your bikini and shorts, the fabric slightly oversized, to help hide what was still a small change in your body. Paranoia was your new best friend, always worrying that someone would notice something different, even if you didn’t have a noticeable bump yet.

Bending down to grab another plastic bottle, you felt a stab of nausea hit you hard, rolling up from your stomach, thick and sour, but you ignored it. Not here. Not now.

You straightened up too fast, and your vision blurred slightly, that familiar sense of vertigo hitting you. You took a shallow breath, ignoring the burn at the back of your throat, your hands shaking slightly as you adjusted the bag slung over your shoulder.

One girl looked up at you with these wide eyes kids like to pull, “Are you okay?” 

You smiled, brushing it off as if you weren’t about two seconds away from collapsing. “Of course. Just... need a second.” 

The kids were watching you again, with that look of curiosity. You couldn’t look them in the eye. It wasn’t their fault. They just didn’t understand that sometimes the grown-ups didn’t know what they were doing either. 

Just a few more bags of trash and you’d be able to get back to your car, maybe grab some water from the cooler in the trunk, sit down, and think about it.

This used to be easy, you got a weird kind of enjoyment from these cleanups, running around with your sister, making it a competition to see who could pick up the most trash, laughing until your stomachs hurt over stupid jokes about jellyfish and sunscreen. Back then, this was just one of a thousand little family traditions, one of those things that felt effortless.

Now, sweat dripped down the back of your neck, making your skin prickle uncomfortably.

You’d long given up wiping it away, knowing that it would only come back thicker and hotter the next second. Every instinct told you to run off to the parking lot, and sit in the car with the AC blasting until your body remembered it didn’t hate you.

Leaning down for one last bottle wedged in the sand, your legs wobbled and gave way beneath you. Just like that, your vision was spotty, as if someone had turned down the brightness on the entire beach, and you pitched forward.

Just as you felt yourself going down, a hand caught your arm, pulling you back up.

"Whoa, whoa, you okay?" A teenage boy, maybe sixteen, gripped your arm firmly, keeping you upright.

How much longer could they realistically expect you to go on, plastering on that sweet, dutiful smile? How much “grounding” could one person take?

You blinked, trying to clear the haze in your eyes, "I’m fine. Just a little lightheaded, really, it’s fine,” you insisted, but then a shadow loomed beside you. 

Your vision was so foggy that it took seconds for you to register it.

You looked up slowly, feeling a familiar drop in your stomach as you realized who it was.

The last time you’d been this close to him, the two of you had been screaming insults across the room, Lily having to physically step in. She’d forced him to leave before you two killed each other. It was a miracle you hadn’t punched him then and there.

 “You should sit down.”

It felt like a sidekick to your chest.

The sound of his voice was grinding on your nerves, and just like that you were stuck back in your dream, a real memory, leaning against him, his hand playing with a strand of your hair as he laughed at something you’d said, the two of you carefree under a golden sunset. 

Except this was real.

Rafe was shirtless, with his board tucked under one arm, surf wax staining his fingers, and the sun glinting off his damp skin, like he was God’s gift to the Outer Banks. His buzzed hair was dark and wet, droplets trailing down his temples and catching along his jawline. His cheeks were flushed, a little red from the heat.

You looked away, somewhere over his shoulder, anywhere but at him, refusing to let him see you in this fragile state.

“Go away. I’m fine.”

But he didn’t move.

He’d been summoned from your absolute worst memories, catching you at your lowest when you least wanted his help. Typical. 

“No,” he refused firmly, with that stupid, stubborn look that made you want to throw something at his head. “I’ve seen you almost fall three times now.”

“Maybe if you stopped looking at me like a creep, you wouldn’t have to see me ‘almost fall.”

“I wasn’t—"

You grounded your teeth, “Just go back to surfing.”

Rafe let out a dry laugh, shaking his head as if you were the one acting crazy. “Yeah, 'cause you look perfectly stable right now.”

He'd always been a master of the passive-aggressive half-sneer, the art of making you feel like everyone else was imposing on his day, no matter the situation.

“Don’t act like you care.” you snapped, voice carrying over the sand, earning a few glances from nearby kids.

He ran a hand over his face, looking around as if he didn’t want to be there any more than you did, mouth pressed into a tight line. You wanted to scream that this was his fault too, that every choice he’d made led to you standing here alone, exhausted, and terrified.

“Water would help, y’know”, his tone just shy of patronizing “You can’t go around dehydrating yourself just to make a point.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Your fingers twitched with the urge to send him stumbling to the other side of the beach, you knew that any sudden movement would make you light-headed again, and the last thing you wanted was to give him more proof of your weakness.

The kid—still standing there, eyes wide and darting between you both—looked like he was watching a reality TV show when Kiara appeared at your side.

“Let’s not do this here,” she begged under her breath, handing you a bottle of water she’d brought over, a kindness you didn’t want but couldn’t reject. “Just sit down for a second, please?”

JJ followed, always with that air of easygoing nonchalance, but his eyes were serious as he glanced from you to Rafe.

“She’s right. Just take a second, yeah?” He looked over at Rafe, “Maybe you should leave,” he said pointedly.

“Maybe you should mind your fuckin’ business Maybank.”

“Look, uh,” the kid stammered, knowing he could get caught in the crossfire. “I’ll… I’ll go see if anyone needs help further down the beach…”

You waved him off, your focus still locked on Rafe as the kid all but bolted away, you didn’t want anyone to think they had to “rescue” you.

You tried to take a step back, but the little strength you had in you disappeared as you felt your knees wobble.

"Jesus," you heard him groan, and then his hands were on your arms, board on the sand, holding you as you stumbled. "I told you to sit down."

You shook his hands off, "Don’t tell me what to do.”

It was hard to believe the two of you had once burned hotter than any bonfire, two people who got under each other’s skin, in love, and in hate.

He let out an exasperated sigh while you took a sip from the water Kiara handed you, ignoring how your hands were still shaking around the bottle. 

She spoke again, trying to be the voice of reason, "We’re here to help the community, remember?"

JJ smirked, "Yeah, think the sea turtles are rooting for y’all to work out your issues somewhere else.”

You ignored his joke, keeping your eyes on Rafe, your pride and stubbornness refusing to let him win, “I’m fine.”

“Yeah?”

He looked you over, his gaze fixed to your warm cheeks and the dewy sheen across your temple, “You look real fine, don’t you?” He didn’t even try to cloak his sarcasm.

God, he could be so exasperating.

He couldn’t understand. How could he even think he could look at you now and know anything about who you were? Standing there, with that stupid board and that look, like he couldn’t imagine anything bothering him as much as this seemed to be bothering you.

As if he hadn’t already ruined you in so many ways that felt impossible to get over. 

“Don’t you have something better to do?” 

“Oh, believe me, I do,” he drawled, his eyes trailing from the waves back to you. 

You were tired of this game, of fighting him every time he showed up only to leave you feeling even emptier than before.

Your fists clenched, and you opened your mouth to hurl something back, but the dizziness hit you again. Before you could compose yourself, Rafe’s arm wrapped around your waist, strong and frustratingly secure, holding you upright with an ease that made your skin crawl.

He had seen you at your weakest, had been there at the hospital after the accident, keeping you together when you were certain you’d break. 

Yet, here you were, in a sick way, back in his arms, all broken apart.

“That’s it. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I hate to say it, but he’s right,” JJ chimed in, hand shielding his eyes from the sun.

The world alone had all kinds of alarms going off in your brain. You fought back instinctively, your hands pushing at his chest, freeing your arm. 

“I told you, I’m fine.”

He let go, but he didn’t back away.

Instead, he narrowed his eyes, “You think I don’t know what fine looks like? I was there.”

He was there. And you didn’t want to be reminded of it, not in front of other people. 

He meant the exhaustion and hunger pains you’d welcomed after your family was gone, embraced even, because it meant you wouldn’t have to feel anything else.

You’d wanted to disappear, and he’d been there—dragging you back, forcing you to drink water and swallow bites of food, even when you pushed him away. He’d seen you at your absolute lowest, where you didn’t care if you made it through the day. 

The thought of the hospital, tests, questions, you fought it, but your vision was already blurring.

You couldn’t let him find out about the baby. 

Your breathing felt tighter, each shallow breath only making the spinning worse, you could sense your body giving in to the exhaustion

“Shit,” you heard him curse, sounding distant now like he was farther away. 

You felt yourself sway as if the ground was opening beneath you, there was a ringing in your ears that made his voice sound muffled but you still felt his arms catching you again, holding you upright before you fell.

Waking up in a moving vehicle was like emerging from a nightmare, except somehow, this was worse, because you were no longer at the beach. 

You blinked hard, desperate to wipe the fogginess in your eyes and when it did go away, you realized who was behind the wheel. 

Rafe. 

Your heart pounded—your desperation to keep the baby a secret, how you almost passed out at the beach, and the fact that now he was most likely driving you to the hospital.

“What the hell are you doing?” you practically screamed, your voice hoarse from the lack of water.

He didn’t spare you a glance, “You passed out, genius. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Your whole body went rigid. “Are you insane?”

“Me?” He scoffed, as he kept his focus on the road. “You practically ate sand back there. You’re not fine.”

“Turn the car around. I’ll call my driver and be fine.” You huffed like he was too dumb to understand. “I don’t need your help.”

He let out a dry laugh, still not looking at you. 

“Yeah. You’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you out of this car right now.”

“Rafe, I’m not kidding,” you warned, louder this time. “Stop. The. Car.”

He gave you a sideways glance, his grip on the wheel tightening.

“Not happening.”

Your heart hammered as you realized he wasn’t going to back down, you were driven by sheer desperation.

“Fine, then I’ll do it myself." you muttered, reaching for the door handle. 

Anything to get out of this suffocating car before he dragged you all the way to the ER and they found out you were pregnant—with his baby, no less.

His eyes widened, finally snapping from the road to your hand on the handle.

“Are you crazy? Get your hand off that, I’m fuckin' serious.”

You yanked at it anyway, twisting the handle and pulling with spiteful defiance, and Rafe’s expression went from annoyed to full-on rage. He swerved the car to the side of the road, tires skidding as he slammed the brakes and practically threw the car into park.

Before he could even stop fully, you flung the door open and stumbled out, sandals sinking into the gravel as you stalked away.

You didn’t get more than a few feet, he was already bolting after you.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” you muttered, digging your nails into your palms. 

How the hell had it come to this? You were stuck here, pregnant with his child, and he played the reluctant hero like you needed him swooping in to save you.

Rafe reached you in two strides, his fingers were digging into his forehead, pointing at it with exasperation imprinted into every corner of his face. 

“Are you out of your fuckin' mind?” He sounded like he was talking to some unruly child.

And the worst part? You could see that frustration in his eyes, the same look he used to give you when he’d reached his limit with you.

You wondered if he ever got to that point with Sofia.

What would he do if she was the one almost fainting? Would he still look like she was some colossal burden, or would he soften, maybe even smile as he fussed over her, acting like he wanted to help?

You hated yourself for caring at all.

Sofia—the one who looked like she'd been ripped off from some perfect postcard, all wide-eyed sweetness and gentle smiles. She probably never challenged him, snapped back, or made him want to pull his hair out.

There was no way he’d look at her like she was a mess, someone he just had to “deal with.” He likely saw her as easy, perfect, all soft and sweet words, everything you weren’t.

This wasn’t who you wanted to be, and yet here you were, stumbling around half-dead and pregnant with his child.

“I’m sorry, am I bothering you?” You spat the words, watching his jaw clench tighter. 

He exhaled sharply, rolling his eyes. 

“Unbelievable. Only you could take me trying to help and turn it into this.”

You were done. You were done with the memories, with the torment of seeing him be something better for someone else. 

“Help?” You laughed bitterly, the anger engulfing you so hard it felt as if it choking you. “You think this is help? That I need you, of all people?”

He took a step back, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I'm trying to help."

You hated how calm he was, how rational he sounded.

It was maddening when all you wanted was for him to get angry, to let that icy surface crack, to give you even a glimpse of something real, something that wasn’t just irritation or sarcasm.

You wanted proof that he still was affected by you, that this was the same guy who used to be everything, who’d promised you everything.

But you swallowed it down, straightening up, because there was no way in hell, you’d let him see even a hint of weakness.

“Trust me,” you shot back, “I’ll be just fine without you.”

He raised an eyebrow, a bitter smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, “Get in the car.”

“No,” you said, firm and unyielding, every inch of you screaming that you wouldn’t let him decide anything for you ever again.

“Fine. Have it your way.”

In one swift move, he reached out, his hands gripping your arms with enough pressure to pull you forward, lifting you clean off your feet. Your breath caught in a furious gasp as he practically dragged you back to the car, his fingers warm against your skin, like you were just a mild convenience. 

“Put me down!” 

You struggled against his hold, jabbing at his chest with what little strength you could muster, but he didn’t even flinch, didn’t so much as hesitate. 

“Rafe, I swear—”

He opened the passenger door with one hand, keeping a firm grip on you with the other, before finally setting you down—not gently—onto the seat. Without meaning to, tears began falling as you struggled against his hands. You could feel them wetting your cheeks, your voice was breaking, jumping to distress as you tried to twist out of his hold, feeling so small under his unrelenting strength.

He almost knelt in front of you, reaching for the seat belt with one hand, while his other remained firmly on your shoulder, holding you still. You felt trapped, impresioned as you tried to turn in every direction, hands weakly pushing him back, but he caught them effortlessly.

“Stop!” you meekly choked out, failing to shove him, the words coming out shameful.

You could feel your heart breaking all over again.

You hated that he was seeing you like this, how he dared to act like you needed him—it made your skin crawl. You hated that he could do this, like he had any right like you’d ever wanted him involved in this part of your life, let alone now.

This was a version of you only Rafe could bring out.

You glared up at him, practically shaking with rage as Rafe ignored your protests like you were nothing more than a child throwing a fit. 

“Get your hands off me.”

His jaw tightened, ignoring the flailing punches and slaps grazing him, and you couldn’t stop the sob that escaped, loud and ugly.

“I’m not letting you kill yourself out of spite.”

Your chest hurt like you’d been run over a hundred times—it felt suffocating. “I hate you.”

For the first time, you thought he might actually leave you here. 

His fingers stopped as if your words had made an impact, his lips pressed into a thin line. Your vision blurred as he leaned in, his touch hovering as if to wipe away the tear running down your cheek, but he didn’t, instead, he closed his hand into a fist and drew back, his face just inches from yours. 

A faint, humorless smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he clicked the seatbelt into place. He made a low humming noise, that thing he did when he was getting ready to make someone feel two inches tall. 

 "Yeah? Get in line."

Without another word, he pulled back, slamming the door shut, and walking around to the driver’s side.

You wiped at your cheeks, furious that he’d seen you like this, that he had the power to break you down. It was humiliating, sitting here in his car, every part of your body screaming to escape. 

He got in, started the engine, neither of you spoke.

Rafe drove fast, every rev of the engine matching the churning in your stomach perfectly. You sat there, trembling, the dread building with every mile that passed. You gripped the seatbelt so hard it felt like your entire body might go numb, and stared straight ahead, breathing shallow, trying to ignore the sting in your eyes.

You bit back another wave of nausea. Weakness.

You’d already shown him too much. 

You didn’t need a lecture from some doctor on how you “should’ve taken better care of yourself", let alone with Rafe there, watching, scrutinizing, acting like this was his business when he’d made it clear long ago that it wasn’t. He was in your space in the worst way, reopening all the wounds.

You were seething. He had no right to do this.

The thought made you want to drop dead—doctor would walk in, casually drop the news about the baby, and you'd be left watching his reaction in real time.

You looked at the entrance to the ER. The vision of anyone running tests, of some well-meaning nurse, coming in and spilling everything about the baby in front of him—no way. You wouldn’t let that happen.

He wasted no time getting out, moving around to your side, while you sat rigidly, staring straight ahead. His hand was already on the door, yanking it open, looking down at you like he was ready to drag you inside if he had to.

You weren’t moving. You knew the second you stepped inside, it would be over. 

“C’mon,” Rafe pressed, his hand outstretched, hovering there like he thought he could compel you to listen. “Stop being so stubborn.”

You crossed your arms over your stomach, refusing to meet his eyes.

“I’m not going in.”

Rafe let out a sigh, nearing his limit, and knelt down to your level.

“Look, you passed out. I’m not leaving until you get checked out.”

“You’re gonna be here for a while then.”

“Would you stop?” His voice softened for the first time, as if he was trying to reach some part of you that he thought still cared. “You look like you haven’t slept in days, like you haven’t eaten anything that wasn’t out of a vending machine. I know you don’t want my help, but can you just stop for a second and—”

“And what?” you interrupted.

“And think! If you don’t get in there, I’ll drag you in myself.”

Your heart raced, “You wouldn’t dare.”

Rafe stepped closer; his jaw set in determination. “Try me.”

“You’re not coming in."

He blinked like the idea hadn’t even occurred to him. “What?”

Maybe he was seeing the protection you’d built up around yourself since he left, how there was no longer any crack left open for him to slip through.

“I don’t need you. I don’t want you in there.”

“Fine.” His tone was clipped, restrained. “But I’ll be right here.”

You slammed the door shut behind you, not letting him your legs still shaking. You’d rather collapse face-first into the concrete than give him the satisfaction of listening to him. 

“Yeah, you do that,” you replied, turning and walking toward the entrance, refusing to look back.

Stepping inside, you felt a slight tremor run through you—part relief, part panic. The lights were too bright, almost white. Your heart wobbled, replaying how he’d been such a fucking asshole to you.

You’d forgotten how mean he could be, how easily he could go from angry to something so frigid it made you want to cry yourself to sleep.

“Hi there,” The receptionist greeted, her eyes moving over you with a professional once-over, “What brings you in today?”

You forced a small smile, knowing she wouldn’t buy it.

“Just…got a little dehydrated, that’s all.”

“Okay…let’s just get some basic information.” She clicked into her computer, her fingers poised over the keyboard. “Name?”

You cleared your throat, rattling off your full name, she nodded, typing it in.

“Have you experienced any other symptoms besides dizziness?”

“Nothing serious,” you replied, dismissively. “It’s just the heat, like I said. I just need some water and I’ll be good as new.”

This had to be a fucking nightmare you got sucked in, you could sense your blood pressure spike.

She tapped her screen and glanced back at you.

“Alright, Miss Thornton, it looks like we’ll just need a few quick details here to get you all checked in. Can I start with your insurance provider?”

A chuckle almost slipped out of you. Insurance—God, you were fine with insurance. What you weren’t okay with was everything else. You answered, “Blue Cross.”

She asked for your birthdate, which you gave on autopilot, hoping she’d skip any weird or invasive questions. “Any allergies?”

You shook your head. Please, just let this be over. 

“It’s really not a big deal,” You blurted out, giving her a thin smile and forcing calm into your voice. “I just need the IV. You know, standard stuff.”

“Of course, dear. We’ll get things started, it will include routine tests, like bloodwork, just to be safe.”

Bloodwork. Perfect. You were doing everything you could to keep from falling into that spiraling panic mode. 

Please, just get me in, get me out, and don’t find anything.

“Just head down to Room 12.”

All you could think was that you wanted this to be over—before the whole town, or worse, he, found out. It made you want to scream. He was the last person who should be outside.

This was his fault. You’d never be here if he hadn’t shown up.

The next hour passed in seconds—questions, forms, an IV drip.

They’d done blood work, too, but you’d sighed in relief when they’d told you the results wouldn’t be ready immediately. As far as they knew, you’d just overdone it, and now, as you lay on a cot in a room that reeked of sick people, all they’d prescribed was rest, hydration, and food.

When the nurse asked if anyone could pick you up, the thought of calling someone, asking them to see you like this, made you delirious. You didn’t need anyone; you were perfectly fine on your own.

But you also didn’t want Rafe and his delusional ass to barge through the doors.

The nurse moved around you awkwardly, eyes still expectant, as if you were just a button away from a reliable “someone” to come running.

You looked at her, controlling the compulsion to yell. Little people ever bothered to check on you, to show up for more than just the drama or gossip.

Out of them, only one face bounced around in your head.

“Yeah, I got someone.”

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige @rafebb @rafesbby @whytheylosttheirminds

@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron @serrendiipty @sunny1616

@yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog @psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei

@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2

@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt

[theostrophywife]

shut up kiss me.

pairing: theodore nott x reader

song inspiration: shut up kiss me by angel olsen.

author's note: everyone say thank you to my love @writingsbychlo for fueling my delusions. constantly spamming her with my ideas because i have no self control when it comes to this man. there’s just something about theo fighting that makes me absolutely feral but i’ll hush now before i spoil it 🤭

Theodore. Fucking. Nott. 

Those three words fueled your rampage as you marched across the quidditch pitch. The audacity of that cocky, arrogant, silver tongued Slytherin knew no bounds. For years, you tolerated the pompous prick and the rivalry between you, but today he had finally gone too far. 

You cleared the field in less than a minute, passing by confused players as you angrily seethed. You spotted a shock of familiar platinum blonde hair and walked right up to Draco Malfoy. 

“Where the hell is he?”

He chuckled, perfectly aware of your longstanding enmity with his closest friend. “What’s he done this time?”

“Where. Is. He?” you repeated through gritted teeth. “Don’t make me ask again, Malfoy.” 

The blonde paled several shades when he saw the fire burning in your gaze. “Locker rooms. I wouldn’t go in there, Y/N. They’re still shower—“ Draco sighed as you brushed past him. “Whatever, it’s your funeral.”

The locker rooms were steamy, the heat and humidity clinging to your school uniform as you stalked through the aisles. The Slytherin players startled when they spotted you amongst their midst. 

“Well, well, well,” Mattheo drawled as he leaned against the wall. A towel hung dangerously low on his hips and he smirked when your eyes flickered over his body. “What do we have here? A sweet little Hufflepuff marching straight into the viper’s den.”

“Where the fuck is he, Riddle?”

Mattheo grinned lazily. “You’re going to have to be more specific than that, sweetheart.” 

“You know exactly who I’m talking about. Your arrogant prick of a friend who sent my fucking date to the hospital wing!” 

Before you went to sleep last night, you had done so with a grin on your face after a wonderful date with Alec Stone at the Three Broomsticks, but then you arrived at breakfast this morning with no Alec in sight and the rumor mill rampant with talks of Theo pummeling some poor Ravenclaw in the courtyard. 

You were going to kill him. 

“Sorry, love. Doesn’t ring a bell.” 

You frowned, purposely bumping against Mattheo as you walked further down the dimly lit aisle. In your trail for vengeance, you ran into a very flustered looking Enzo who yelped as he sought to cover his very naked torso. 

“Y/N,” Enzo said, hastily wrapping a towel around his waist. “What are you doing in the locker rooms?”

Behind him, the sound of the shower running echoed against the marble tiles. ��Is he in there?”

Berkshire’s face fell. “You heard about the fight?” 

“It wasn’t a fight,” you said angrily. “He pummeled Alec so badly that he’s currently in the hospital wing with a concussion and several broken bones.”

“Just hear him out, okay?” 

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head. “Hear him out? Your precious Theodore beat the absolute shit out of my date and you want me to hear him out? For what? What reason could Theo possibly have for doing what he did to Alec? He couldn’t stand to see me have fun for two fucking seconds? This is low even for him and you know it, Enzo.”

“You don’t know the whole story, Y/N.” 

“Well then please point me in the right direction so I can hear from the arsehole himself.” 

“He’s in there,” Enzo said, pointing to the shower stalls. “But I’m warning you, Y/N. He’s in a proper foul mood.” 

You huffed. “That makes two of us.” 

The steam from the showers rose up like a malevolent fog, curling around your feet as you stormed through the stalls. You found him in the farthest corner, water trickling down his back as he faced the tiled wall. His body language was tense, like a serpent preparing to strike. A crimson trail swirled against the marble as blood dripped from Theo’s bruised knuckles. The sight of it incensed you. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” 

Theo whipped his head towards your direction, his dark curls plastered against his cheek. Those watercolor eyes were stormy, the blues and greens flickering with anger as he met your gaze. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said dismissively. 

“Bullshit!” You countered, stepping further into the stall. The steam barely covered Theo’s naked form, but you weren’t about to let that deter you from demanding answers. “You owe me a fucking explanation.”

“For what?” 

“For what?” you repeated incredulously. “You beat Alec within an inch of his life and that’s all you have to say for yourself? Honestly Theodore, have you gone absolutely mental?” 

“He deserved it.” 

“Why? Because he took me out on a date? Because you couldn’t stand to let me have this one thing? You absolutely loathe the idea of me being even remotely happy, don’t you?” 

Theo clenched his fists as his jaw twitched in anger. “No. I loathe the idea of that miserable excuse of a human being breathing the same air as you.” 

“So you beat him to a bloody pulp?” 

His voice was cold and icy, cutting through you like glass. “He’s lucky I didn’t do worse.”

“What do you have against Alec?” You moved closer to Theo, closing the gap as you poked his chest. The shower streamed over the both of you, blurring your vision. The water was hot against your skin, but it paled against the heat of your own anger. “What did he ever do to you, Theo?” 

Theo gripped your wrist. You were vaguely aware of his nakedness, but he made no move to hide it and you were too furious to even care. “Don’t say his name. I can’t bear to hear you say it after what he said about you this morning.” 

You stepped backward, flinching. “What—what are you talking about?” 

When you met his gaze, you startled. You’d never seen Theo this angry before. His eyes, which were usually dead and expressionless, burned with a cold sort of fury. 

“I heard him in the courtyard, bragging to his stupid friends. I thought he was just chatting shit, so I kept back. I only came down for a smoke, but then he said your name.” 

The pit in your stomach grew. “What did he say?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. You weren’t sure you wanted to know. Not if he was this angry over it.

“The stupid fucking prick was talking about your date. The dress you wore. The smiles you gave him. The hand holding through Hogsmeade. Then one of his gormless mates asked if he got lucky.” 

You froze at his words as a horrible feeling washed over you. Theo loosened his grip on your wrist, but didn’t let go. 

“Do you know what that sodding idiot said? I will, soon enough. I can tell she’s raring to go.” 

Tears pricked at your eyes. You felt like you were going to be violently sick. 

“And his friends—those miserable fucking wankers started betting on how long it would take. Two dates. Three. A month.” Theo’s hands were shaking, violence spilling over into his veins. “That smug tosser smirked and said he could’ve had you out in the hallway. That’s how eager you were.”

“I barely even touched him!” you said angrily. “I kissed his cheek good night and that was it.” 

“I know,” Theo said, his voice low and rough. “I know you. I knew he was lying, so I fucking lost it. I walked over there and just punched and punched until my knuckles were bloody and bruised and all I could see was red. I wanted to wipe that stupid fucking smirk off his mouth.” 

You could picture Theo putting out his cigarette ever so calmly before walking over to throw the first punch. You’d seen him fight before. He was relentless. Where Mattheo was pure fire and rage, Theo was as cold as ice. There was nothing but lethal calm in those dead eyes as he delivered blow after blow in absolute silence. 

“Eventually, Blaise and Enzo pulled me off of that prick.” He averted his gaze as if remembering the moment. “When his idiot friends finally peeled him off the floor, I spit on the fucker. I told him to consider it a warning. That I’d do a lot worse if I ever heard your name come out of his mouth again. I promised him that a concussion would be the least of his worries if he didn’t stay the fuck away from you.”

The tears fell down your cheeks despite your efforts to keep them in. The anger all but faded from Theo’s eyes as soon as he realized that you were crying. You were so, so stupid. For thinking Alec was a nice guy. For being so giddy after your date only for him to turn around and spit vile lies about you. 

For crying in front of your worst enemy.

The color drained from Theo’s face as you cried into your hands. You felt him shift beside you, debating whether or not to come closer. 

“Don’t,” you said through a broken sob. “Don’t come near me.” 

Theo flinched at your words, looking visibly pained. His voice was soft and soothing when he spoke again. “Tell me how to fix it. Do you want to yell at me? Punch me? Go ahead, love. I can take it.” He sounded desperate. “Just please, please don’t cry.” 

You hugged your arms around your waist and glared at him. “Why do you even care?” 

He paused, fingers flexing at his side as he fought the urge to reach out and comfort you. 

“Because I care about you!” The exasperation in his voice made your chest tighten. “I care that you let that stupid idiot take you on a date to the Three Broomsticks. I care that you fucking smiled at him when he gave you roses even though I know you prefer sunflowers. I care that you kissed him on the cheek when he dropped you off at your dorm.”

You sniffled, utterly perplexed at his words. “I don’t understand. We hate each other!” 

Theo visibly softened, the tension leaving his body. “I could never hate you, Y/N.” He reached for your hand. Your first instinct was to pull away, but you let him trace soothing circles on your skin. “I may tease you. Prank you. Annoy you. But I’ve never hated you.” 

Theo wiped the dried up tears from your cheeks. No fresh tears, which he took as a good sign. “I don’t even think you remember this, but I tried asking you to the Yule Ball in fourth year.” 

The memory surfaced. You were reading by the Black Lake and Theo had asked if you had a date. You said no, to which he promptly asked if he could take you. You left in a huff, thinking that it was just another way to rile you up. 

“I thought you were just trying to get a rise out of me. If I would’ve known…” 

Theo paused. “How could you not know? How could you not see?” 

The rage crashed against you like an errant wave. You didn’t know if you were angry at Theo or yourself, but you exploded either way, unable to keep your emotions under control. 

“Because you never told me, you idiot!”

“I never told you, but I showed you.” He smiled crookedly. “I'm not good with words, obviously. Every time I open my mouth it’s like I say the perfect combination of words to piss you off. So I learned to tell you how I felt through my actions.” 

“Haven’t you ever wondered why your favorite study spot in the library is always free? That’s because I threatened anyone who came near it. Or how you never seem to run out of quills despite the fact that you manage to break one every day from how hard you write? I always replaced them when you weren’t looking.” Your heart clenched at his words. “I even bribed first years to bring you hot chocolate when I knew you were pulling all nighters.” 

You stood there, staring at him. This wasn’t the cocky, arrogant Theo that you knew. He was looking at you so earnestly that it physically hurt how endearing it all was. 

“Why would you let me think that you were an inconsiderate jerk this whole time?” 

Those hypnotizing eyes pierced right through you, filled with a sadness so heavy that you felt it weighing on your chest. 

“Because at least you were thinking of me.”

You swayed gently. The water had long seeped into your bones, making you shiver as all of your clothes stuck to your skin like paper. You were convinced that your body had gone into shock. The range of emotions you were currently experiencing was turbulent to say the least. You stood in stunned silence, just taking it all in. Then the impact of his words hit you all at once. 

Theo watched as your bottom lip trembled. Panic seized him as you began crying again, this time not bothering to hide it from him. “Fuck I’m sorry, Y/N. Please don’t cry.” 

He didn’t know what to do. Should he comfort you? Should he keep his distance? Theo felt like he was doing a rather exceptional job of mucking things up. 

“Why are you saying sorry?” You said between hiccups. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

Theo caressed your cheek. So gently. Like he half-expected you to recoil. That only set a fresh wave of tears to spill onto your cheeks. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, love.” 

“Of course I do!” you nearly wailed. “I’ve been horrible to you. I’ve thought the worst of you, but all this time you were doing all these sweet, considerate things and I never even noticed. You should’ve told me, Theo.” 

“I—I didn’t think you’d ever see me that way,” Theo said softly. “It was better to have you hate me and still be part of my life than risking not having you in it at all.” 

Because at least you were thinking of me. 

It was the saddest thing that you’ve ever heard. For years, Theo settled for being your enemy because he’d rather have your hatred and loathing than indifference. He sustained himself on the bare minimum because he thought that was all he deserved. 

“I’m sorry, Theo. I’m so so fucking sorry.” 

Theo was absolutely distressed. “Fuck, look Y/N. Let me just finish up here and get my towel and when I’m dry and slightly less naked then we can talk, okay?” 

You sniffled, wiping your tears away. There was no way you could wait. Not after everything Theo had just told you. Not after everything that he’s been telling you all these years. Theo had literally and figuratively laid himself bare before you. The least you could do was to even the playing field. 

So you unlaced the gold and black tie around your neck. Unbuttoned your blouse and threw it somewhere behind you. Stepped out of your skirt and stared at Theo head on. 

“Oh—Merlin’s beard, what in the hell are you doing, Y/N? Are you trying to send me into cardiac arrest?” 

You shook your head, smiling slightly. Theo was determined to look everywhere but at your very exposed body. You were still in your bra and panties, but the black lace really didn’t leave much to the imagination. Especially when the water clung to every inch of your skin. 

“You were vulnerable with me,” you said simply. “So I’m returning the favor.” 

Theo felt like he was definitely headed for an early grave. He tried to think of something—anything—other than the girl he’s been head over heels for since third year standing naked in front of him.

“Theo,” you said softly. His name had never sounded half as good coming out of anyone else’s mouth. He wanted to bottle the sound. “Can I—can I hug you?” 

He could’ve sworn that his heart had stopped beating. The air had all but left his lungs, deflating his entire body as though he’d fallen off his broom and plummeted through the sky at breakneck speed. 

Theo didn’t recognize his own voice as he said, “Of course you can, Y/N.”

The words were barely out of his mouth before you dashed into his arms, nearly toppling him over from the force of it. You were a tiny little thing, but you were stronger than you looked. He smiled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, standing on your tiptoes as you hugged him. For a minute you and Theo just stood there under the trickling water, holding each other as though you were the only two people alive. 

If this was all the affection you were willing to give him, Theo would’ve been content to hold onto you until you grew tired of him. His slender fingers traced down your spine, drawing soothing circles against your skin as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. You felt safe. Like nothing bad could ever happen as long as you were with him.

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt like this. There was just this spark between you. Perhaps that was part of the reason why you had been so angry this morning. 

It hadn’t just been because Theo sent Alec to the hospital wing, which you were now thankful for after hearing all the disgusting things he said about you. It was also because you thought that he had ruined your chance of feeling that rush with someone else. The same rush you got when the two of you were arguing. The same rush that was noticeably missing when you kissed Alec last night. 

Things with Theo had always been electric. You attributed it to mutual loathing, but that wasn’t the full story. Sure he made your blood boil sometimes, but he also made you feel alive. You were terrified to admit it to yourself, which is probably why you said yes to Alec in the first place. 

You sighed as Theo’s fingers tangled through your hair. He gently pulled your head back and looked at you in the most heartbreaking way. 

“Y/N,” he said hoarsely. Theo’s gaze dipped to your mouth as his arm snaked around your waist. “I think I might die if I go one more second without kissing you. Will you please put me out of my misery, love?” 

You couldn’t help but smile. “Gladly.”

Theo held his breath as you pulled him down to you, lips brushing shyly at first. Then you leaned in and kissed him. And he truly and honestly thought that he had died. 

Your lips were soft against his, tasting of strawberries and mint toothpaste. He cupped the back of your head and tilted your chin to deepen the kiss. Before, Theo thought he could’ve sustained himself from a simple hug, but right now, he couldn’t even control himself as he gorged himself on your taste. 

He chuckled when you tried and failed to get on your tiptoes to offset the height difference between you. Theo caressed your cheek and smiled against your mouth. 

“Need some help, love?” 

You nodded before pulling him back down again. This time, the tender kisses turned more heated as he locked your legs around his waist and pressed your back against the wall. You gasped as the cold tile made contact with your bare skin and Theo took the opportunity to slide his tongue against yours. 

Merlin’s beard. Theo kissed with his entire body. There wasn’t an inch of you that wasn’t touching him and the skin to skin contact set your body on fire. You’d kissed other boys before, but they paled in comparison. You couldn’t get enough of Theo. You ran your fingers through his hair. Wrapped your legs more tightly around his waist. Trailed kisses along his jaw and neck and throat. 

Then he fucking moaned. 

It was a low, rumbling sound that sent tremors over your body and shook every fiber of your being like a devastating earthquake. You wanted to hear him make that sound over and over again. 

“Y/N,” Theo said, his forehead dropping to yours. “Before I lose all sense of self, I want to—no—I need to tell you—”

“What is it, Theo?”

“If we do this, then you have to understand what it means to me,” Theo whispered. “I may be terrible with words, but it’s important for me that you hear me when I say this. I want you. Not just physically, but in every sense of the word. I wanted you in third year when you first told me off for being a dick to the first years and I want you now even though you came in here to defend a prick that definitely doesn’t deserve it.” 

“What are you saying, Theo?” 

“I want you to be mine, Y/N.” 

You beamed. “Like, your girlfriend?”

“I don’t think girlfriend is a strong enough word to express how I feel for you, but it’s a start.” He moved the hair out of your face and cradled your cheek. “So yes, I suppose I do want you to be my girlfriend. I want to hold hands with you in the hallways. I want to look up at the stands during my games and see you cheering me on. I want to take you up to the Astronomy Tower and kiss you under the stars.” 

“And you say you’re bad with words,” you teased. “I want to do all those things and more with you, Theodore Nott. Of course I’ll be your girlfriend.” 

“Good, cause you’re mine.” Theo said matter-of-factly, those adorable dimples making an appearance on each cheek. “You were mine even before you knew it.” 

He kissed you again, but this time it was soft and sweet and it filled your stomach with butterflies. Theo no longer felt the need to hoard as much of your affection as he could because you had just given him the ultimate reassurance that he would have plenty of you in the future. 

You sighed contently against him, toying with the curls at the nape of his neck. He shifted, pressing kisses against your neck. Your fingers froze when you felt him stir underneath you. 

“Theo,” you said slowly, biting back a smirk. “Is that what I think it is pressing against my leg?” 

He groaned. “We’re half naked, in the shower, heavily making out, and you just agreed to be my girlfriend. Of course I’m hard.” 

You stifled a laugh. “Theodore Nott, is emotional intimacy turning you on?” 

“Everything about you turns me on.” 

“That’s helpful to know,” you said with a little smirk. “Especially when we're dueling and I’m losing.” 

“Merlin’s beard. My girlfriend’s downright evil.” 

You grinned so hard that your cheeks ached. Theo peppered kisses all over your face before setting you down. 

“I suppose we should head to dinner soon. My teammates watched you march in here in a fit of rage. They might think you’ve murdered me.” 

“There’s only one problem,” you said as you finally turned off the shower. “I’m soaking wet.” 

“I bet you are, darling.” 

You rolled your eyes. “From the shower, you wanker.” 

He grinned and kissed the top of your head. “It’s alright. I’ve got some extra clothes in my locker.”

Ten minutes later, the two of you walked out in the quidditch pitch hand in hand. Theo’s sweater completely enveloped you and he smiled a little at the sight. You received a few interesting stares as you made your way through the castle halls, but one look from Theo and they all quickly found something else to gawk at. Having a scary boyfriend was already paying off. 

On the way to dinner, you ran into Enzo. The git had the biggest smile on his face when he saw that you and Theo were holding hands. “So you heard him out after all, huh?” 

“Yeah, we sorted out our differences,” you said with a smile. “Coincidentally, I gained a boyfriend out of the whole ordeal. Happy now, Berkshire?” 

“Absolutely chuffed,” Enzo said with a grin. “See you lovebirds at dinner.” 

Theo rolled his eyes as his friend disappeared into the Great Hall. He turned, squeezing your fingers. “I should warn you. My friends can be a bit…much.” 

“Don’t worry, I think we all got fairly acquainted in the locker rooms. If they tease us, well I’ve got a perfectly scary boyfriend to fend them off.” 

He chuckled. “A scary boyfriend with an even more terrifying girlfriend.” 

You winked, kissing his bruised knuckles. “This school won’t know what hit them.” 

“Neither did Alec,” he said with a satisfied smirk. You gave him a reprimanding glare, but it was half-hearted. You didn’t actually feel sorry for the prick. “Sorry. Too soon?” 

“You know you can’t punch everyone that says anything bad about me, right?”

“Of course not. I’m perfectly capable of kicking them too.”

You rolled your eyes fondly. “Shut up and kiss me, Theo.” 

“Yes ma'am.” 

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[thebibliosphere]

Good news, I did not become spontaneously magnetic and blow up the MRI machine 👍

It did give me a wicked headache though so hopefully it doesn’t turn into a migraine.

I will say. Nicest MRI team to date. They handed me earplugs and I was like “oh fancy, my last one didn’t give me earplugs” and this very camp tech with rainbow hair said, “oh honey, they let you rawdog that sound? Absolutely not. That’s like an OSHA violation. It’s so loud.”

When asked what I wanted to listen to on the headphones they clamped over my head I was just like idk surprise me. And that’s when I was informed I’d be listening to Chappell Roan for the next forty minutes.

When they were about to load me into the machine I heard this voice over the speakers that went “waaait, does this form say EDS? Like Ehlers Danlos?”

And I said yes, as best I could with a giant cage over my head and a thing holding my chin in place. To which the disembodied voice replied, “okay people, time to brace those joints!” and a sudden gaggle of techs I hadn’t seen before came in, pulled me out and repositioned all my limbs to make sure I wasn’t over extending on the table.

They put some extra padding around my neck too which was helpful because I could feel it trying to subluxate. It gave a nasty click at one point and the tech trying to help me froze and I had to assure her I was fine. (Spoiler: based on this growing headache, I may not be fine.)

And then they put the cage back on and rolled me back into the giant casket shaped magnet as Hot To Go started playing at full volume and I flashed forward to imagining my own funeral, wondering if it’d be too morbid a song to play at the crematorium. They had to keep telling me to stop laughing.

When it was over the same voice came over the speakers like, “hey, so you have EDS, do you have POTS too?” to which I answered in the affirmative and the voice said “mmm-kay. Don’t move.” then vanished, which was when I was pulled out of the machine by two extremely burly orderlies who transferred me to a reclining bed until the dizziness from the machine stopped, which was super nice.

I do appear to have had an allergic reaction to whatever detergent they use to clean the scrubs they gave me. But other than that and the probable migraine, it was a good experience.

Now we just need to wait on the results.