#TO PLAY THE VICTIM I'LL DRINK ALCOHOL TIL MY FRIENDS COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS AND I'LL DREAM EACH NIGHT OF SOME VERSION OF YOU THAT I

[weemssapphic]

Split in half

Larissa Weems x f!reader

This is a part two to We're not who we used to be set a few months after that fic, from Larissa's POV. It's just as angsty as part one, maybe even worse. It's inspired by the song Stick Season by Noah Kahan. Enjoy 😅

Words: ~1.5k | ao3 link in title

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

-

“Ow - fuck!”

It takes Larissa’s eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness blanketing her quarters. She steadies herself against the little table by the door and squints at the floor as she searches for whatever she’s just tripped over that caused her to ram her hip into the corner of said table. 

Now she remembers - she’d changed her mind about her heels that morning and left the initial pair next to the door. She sighs and kicks off the heels she’s wearing now, leaving them lying haphazardly next to the others.

She walks towards the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the light now that her eyes have adjusted to the darkness. Pain blooms in her hip, growing sharper with each step - she can already feel the deep purple bruise forming across her hip bone. She opens the fridge and stoops down, the bright, fluorescent glow shooting straight through her eyeballs into her already throbbing skull, making her eyes water. The fridge is nearly empty and Larissa groans in frustration as she closes its door and blindly reaches for the cabinets above the stove instead, running her fingertips across the smooth, familiar wood as her eyes adjust again.

Her fingers bump into the little brass handle and she opens the cabinet, pulling out the first bottle she finds. Whiskey. She opens another cabinet and takes out a crystal tumbler, then pads across her quarters to her little balcony, clutching both bottle and tumbler to her chest. 

A chill seeps through her stockings and straight into her bones as she steps outside, and she grits her teeth as she lowers herself onto the oversized pillow she’d taken out here when she first started spending her evenings after work out on the balcony. 

It’s a lot colder tonight than it was those weeks - or has it been months? - ago. Fall is as good as over, the trees barren of their gorgeous red and orange foliage, but winter hasn’t fully started yet either, the first snowfall having yet to make an appearance.

Larissa pours some of the amber liquid into the tumbler, raising it to her lips and tossing it back in one go. It burns her throat and the swift motion smudges her lipstick, not that that matters. It warms her a little from the inside, so she pours herself another.

She supposes she could do something productive, or at least try to distract herself, but there’s not really a point - she can’t read books or watch films or even knit without spending the entire time trying to reign in her wandering thoughts. Even her work is suffering as a result.

She should’ve seen it coming, really, you leaving her. After all, she thinks bitterly, as her thoughts once again hone in on you, she had been rather absent in your marriage. Even when you told her you were moving out, that you were done trying, she could hardly wrap her head around it. Hardly believe it was actually over.

On the day you’d left, she’d woken up to a horribly loud rummaging in the closet. It was a Sunday, and she remembered the pang of irritation that mixed with her confusion, the frustration that you’d woken her early on the only day she ever slept in. She’d remembered readying herself to berate you, tasting the words on her sharp tongue as she’d pushed herself up onto her elbow - the words dying just as quickly as they’d come when her sleep-filled eyes were met with the sight of your half-full suitcase (the big one, the one you used for longer vacations) on the floor in front of the walk-in. 

Between stuffing everything from your underwear to a few framed photos into the suitcase, you’d explained your reasoning rather coolly for someone who usually wore her heart on her sleeve and cried at even comedy films - it had unsettled Larissa to see you so casual about leaving. Perhaps it was due to this that she didn’t say much. She didn’t say any of the things she should have said, any of the things you might’ve hoped she’d say or the things she wishes today that she had said. She’d watched you pack, nodding along to whatever you were saying about divorce lawyers - divorce? - and robotically seeing you to the door. 

Your tires had screeched a bit on your way down the driveway - the sound rings in Larissa’s ear as she tosses back another tumbler of whiskey.

Everything had passed so quickly after that, weeks and months blurring together. She’d signed the divorce papers in what she can, in hindsight, only describe as a fugue-like state, not realizing until much later the full consequences of her actions. And ‘much later’, apparently, translated into ‘too late’.

So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad No, I am no longer funny, 'cause I miss the way you laugh You once called me forever, now you still can't call me back

One tumbler turns into two turns into three, and then she’s abandoned the glass in favor of drinking straight from the bottle. She pulls her phone out of the pocket of her blazer, scrolling to your contact as if on autopilot and staring at it as if it would suddenly come to life.

You’d forgotten an old pair of sneakers at the back of the closet. She’d told you when you’d stopped by with the divorce papers, and you’d told her to just throw them out.

Just throw them out.

It should be so easy. They’re dirty and they stink and the sole is peeling off on the right one. Every time Larissa sees them, she picks them up and wills herself to walk straight to the trash bin. She picks them up - then puts them right back, next to her own rarely-used running shoes.

Larissa clicks ‘call’. She lifts the phone to her ear as she waits, taking another gulp of whiskey. It doesn’t burn anymore.

Her throat gets tighter with every ring, a thin film of tears beginning to blur her eyes. After a few long minutes, the call goes to your voicemail - which is full - and Larissa’s tears spill over, clinging to her lashes before racing each other down her cheeks.

“Pick up, goddamnit!” she growls, her voice hoarse and wet. She tosses her phone angrily onto the floor beside her, not caring if it gets scratched.

There was a time when you’d have picked up the phone in the middle of a packed movie theater if it was her calling - now she hasn’t been able to get ahold of you since the divorce was finalized. It’s at least half her fault, she supposes, but she’s still angry at you for ignoring her. For leaving her. Even if she seemed intent on driving you away.

It’s getting late. Larissa knows this not because she’s checked the time, or because the moon is already high in the night sky, but because time always manages to slip away from her when she’s sitting out here, and because her ass is numb and her knees hurt from sitting in one position for so long. 

She pushes herself up, a bit shaky on her feet, nearly stumbling then steadying herself against the railing of the balcony. She bends, stumbling again, grabs the whiskey bottle by the neck, fumbles with the tumbler, then makes her way into her quarters, leaving her phone on the floor and the balcony door open behind her. It’s been so drafty in her quarters lately.

The bottle of whiskey is placed on the counter and, as Larissa goes to place the tumbler into the sink to be washed, it slips and shatters, shards of glass flying everywhere. She feels the warmth of her own blood on her finger before she feels the sting of the cut.

“Fuck!” 

A little bit of moonlight is streaming into the kitchen, and Larissa raises her finger into the light and stares at it, watching blood form a large bead on her fingertip, then slowly trickle down towards her hand. She sucks her finger between her lips, trying to stem the flow of blood. The metallic taste mixes with the whiskey on her tongue and, as she stands there in the darkness of her kitchen, she suddenly feels tired, so unbelievably tired.

She wants to call you again. She wants to tell your full voicemail box to go fuck itself, all she wants is to hear your voice. It’s all she wants yet it’s all she can’t do. 

-

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

x

Taglist: @alexusonfire @pro-weems-places @kimiinou @imprincipalweemspet @h-doodles @bychrissi @giogwensversion @gela123 @friskyfisher @justcallmelittleone @scream-queenlover @a-queen-and-her-throne @anne-lister @winterfireblond @imgayforwoman69  @fictionalized-lesbian @aemilia19 @milfsloverblog @missdowling @billiedeansbitch @http-sam @saltrage @renravens @opheliauniverse @niceminipotato @thevillagegay @barbarasstar @lilfartbox1 @dovesintherain @fallenbutch @lunala-rose23 @ahauandthesun @thenazwife @m-0-mmy-l-0-ver33 @thesamesweetie @theonefairygodmother @lvinhs @rainbow-hedgehog @daydream-cement @im-a-carnivorous-plant @milfomaniac @ilovetlcc @lesbiahonest24 @wastdstime @gwens0girl @larissa-weems-chokehold @makemyworldworthliving @spacetoaim22 @m1lflov3rrr @nightingalespen @jadewolf22 @autumn-leaves-chasing-breeze @gwens-wife

[jessicaslittlelovesickmess]

Stick Season

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x reader, Larissa Weems x reader

Warnings: angst, hints of miscarriage

The team sat drinking in Emily's apartment “Oh and what about that woman you dated! The pretty one” Morgan laughed “Y/n?” She responded confused. “Yeah! What happened to her?” Penelope gasped wide-eyed “Um- she moved away” Emily swallowed.

“She was so pretty” JJ sighed leaning back on the sofa “I still remember her babysitting Henry for me” she smiled “She has talent” JJ tilted her drink. The radio played softly in the background as the group made Emily's ex the main subject "Imagine having to tell people how badly you fumbled" Morgan shook his head.

Penelope hummed along before starting to sing, JJ joined in until Spencer and Morgan hummed too "And I'm terrified of the weather, 'cause I see you when it rains". Emily closed her eyes listening to the music, Hotch and Rossi looked knowingly. This was you.

"Doc told me to travel, but there's COVID on the planes" They all stood to dance not realising the lyrics just yet or maybe they did. "And I love Vermont but it's the season of the sticks" Emily's eyes opened you always wanted to visit Vermont, that's where your mum was from. It had been two years almost since you had broken up "And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed" Emily wanted to laugh.

"And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim" She knew it was partly a dig at her "I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas". You never drank because your dad was an alcoholic "And I'll dream each night of some version of you!!!" Spencer's voice cracked.

"That I might not have, but I did not lose" Emily quickly stood, on a race to the bathroom, closing the door only making the music seem louder. "No, I am no longer funny 'cause I miss the way you laugh. You once called me forever now you still can't call me back."

She had to find you and it wasn't hard she knew you tried to contact her still Emily watched the phone ring through unable to face she had hurt you. Stick season was the name of your song. It came out a year ago but now you were posting some gorgeous blonde on Instagram,

You were finally doing everything you had always planned, you looked happy Larissa had proposed on your anniversary she seemed nice. The more she scrolled Larissa was a principal for what school it didn't say but your following had boosted. You'd made it just like you spoke about.

There was another picture- a few actually that stood out a picture of a dove but you were scared of birds the caption read Joanne Prentiss. Emily didn't know a Joanne and definitely not one with her last name, it was posted a few months after you broke up. Another picture closer to when you had moved out was two plates but only one set of cutlery. It flew over Emily's head, had you been seeing Larissa longer than the internet said?" she wondered still stalking you.

"I hope this pains just passin' through, but I doubt it" Emily slumped against the bathtub watching the last two years of your life in pictures. Everyone made sure to remind her how she let you go but back then it felt best.

You will marry Larissa who helped you gain your shine back and she'll rot at work, you will continue a family while hers will grow without her. You will be happy and that's all she could hope for until she accidently liked a post from when you moved to Vermont.

"Em? Are you okay?" you messaged not long after but Emily couldn't bring herself to say the truth "I'm great, Penelope was on my phone" she frowned. 'Okay, I'm just checking but it's good to hear you're still alive' Two years for this, Emily still lying. It's the alcohol she tried to pass 'Yeah I guess, I heard your song it's...' Emily typed only to delete it 'Yeah, I'm sorry I wasn't there' No Emily.

'I love you- no' 'yeah I guess so, I see you're well' the song was coming to an end "Now your tire tracks and one pair of shoes. And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do" JJ sang loudly. It took a moment for you to respond 'Yeah it took a while, life was tough but it wasn't anything I hadn't gone through before'.

'Can we be friends?' Emily was quick to text 'I'm not sure, you really hurt me but only time will tell. I have to go now Em, Larissa just got home but please take care'.

[wwasted]

On Repeat 🎶

tagged by @blixabargelds <3 who’s list came out sooo much better than mine lmao. Mine is brought you by severe depression & noah kahan. (also since I remember distinctly why each song is on here I’ll give you the lyric/whatever that put it there for fun)

shuffle your “on repeat” playlist, and then list the first 10 songs

desert brand new

“I seen those boys kissing boys / Open-mouth in the street / But I raised my son to be a righteous man / I made it clear to him what fear of God means”

stick season noah kahan

“And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim / I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas”

such small hands la dispute

brainstorming titles for frog au with @swifty-fox

plague seahaven

“Satan sleeps inside my brain / And when he wakes he takes me far away / He takes me to this place / That I completely hate / Where I'm a prisoner in my own body / And I cannot escape, I'm just a rat in a maze / And he sleeps less and less with the the days coming / So I just beg and beg / I'm crawling on my knees / Depart from me / But he won't”

everywhere, everything noah kahan ft gracie abrams

the way their voices sound together itches my brain.

paul revere noah kahan

“But I'm in my car and I see the yard / The patch of grass where we buried the dog / And the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence / If I could leave, I would've already left”

charleston girl (live) tyler childers

“I don't know if it's the wine or the coke / That makes her sound like her jaw is broke / She's workin' hard to make some sense, but she ain't got a dime”

restless mind sam barber ft avery anna

“It's 2AM, the TV's on / Am I alright? Hell, I don't know / It's getting harder to be myself / Every dim lit corner of this house / As cold as you when you walked out / And said I didn't know how to love / I pray at night to get relief / In a bloodstained bible that I read / Besides the nights that I do drink”

squabble up kendrick lamar

TikTok.

call your mom noah kahan

“If you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it”

tagging: @polifandom @ronsenthal @majorbuckyegan @anomura @bcolfanfic and anyone else who wants to do this bc i have to go back to dying & cleaning <3

[melissa-leaf]

from instagram

ps. guys, wtf with these soundtracks you always put in those vids?! I mean...

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

[crowleysgirl56]

Another day, another Aziracrow coded song.

Seriously, I’m utterly convinced every single recording artist in the last 8 months got together and decided “Only songs about Aziraphale and Crowley from now on!”

Have you guys LISTENED to the lyrics of the one? Here’s a few examples:

Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face.

And I am terrified of weather 'cause I see you when it rains.

Crowley’s idea about a rain storm bringing two people together and how that idea is tainted now.

Then this whole section of the chorus which totally references God:

And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas.

This bit which completely tears me apart because he’s thinking about Aziraphale:

And I'll dream each night of some version of you

That I might not have, but I did not lose.

Then the last heartbreaking lines also clearly about Aziraphale:

My other half was you

I hope this pain's just passin' through

But I doubt it.

All I can do is picture Crowley sad, drinking, crying, driving around alone in the Bentley desperate for answers.

In the meantime I’m driving my kids to school and this song is on the radio and they’re asking me “Mum why are you crying?” And all I can think of as a response is “Mummy is still sad over a heartbreaking breakup between two fictional characters that happened 8 months ago darlings”.

What. Is. Wrong. With. Me?!

[kishfish]

Marauders as Stick Season lyrics

Remus: “Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can’t face”

Sirius: “So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad, that I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad”

Peter: “And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim. I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas”

James: “No, I am no longer funny cause I miss the way you laugh”

Regulus: “My other half was you. I hope this pain's just passin' through but I doubt it.”

[drarry-soulmates]

Stick Season by Noah Kahan is such Draco to Harry from start to finish. The beginning (all signs from Harry pointing to Draco x Harry to ultimately him choosing Ginny):

As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined You must have had yourself a change of heart like halfway through the drive Because your voice trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign Kept on driving straight and left our future to the right Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face

To the middle part:

And it's, half my fault but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll, dream each night of some version of you That I, might not have but I did not lose Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes And I'm split in half but that'll have to do So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad No. I am no longer funny 'cause I miss the way you laugh Oh that'll have to do My other half was you I hope this pain's just passing through

[mushi-and-junior]

album moodboards: Stick Season (2022) // Noah Kahan

and i love vermont, but it's the season of the sticks and i saw your mom, she forgot that i existed and it's half my fault, but i just like to play the victim i'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for christmas

[thelomlisfictional]

YALL STICK SEASON OKLAHOMA VERSION IS SO SO SO TYLER OWENS CODED IT IS AN URGENT PSA

And I am terrified of weather 'cause I see you when it rains HELLO??

And I love Vermont Oklahoma, but it's the season of the sticks tornadoes

And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas idk for this one so I’m gonna ignore this line lol 🫣

And I'll dream each night of some version of you

That I might not have, but I did not lose

Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

HELP IT’S BASICALLY PERFECT

[qatsby-art]

🌹🥀A Pride Divided🥀🌹

TLK Next Gen

🌹🥀🌹

So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad

That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad

No, I am no longer funny, 'cause I miss the way you laugh

You once called me forever, now you still can't call me back

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks

And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed...

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas

And I'll dream each night of some version of you

That I might not have, but I did not lose

Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

Oh, that'll have to do

My other half was you

I hope this pain's just passin' through

But I doubt it...

Stick Season - Gareth 

[mooseonahunt]

Realising my favourite ships are very

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim / I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas / And I'll dream each night of some version of you / That I might not have, but I did not lose

coded and I’m suffering

[lyrics-planet]

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose

Noah Kahan, Stick Season

[my-chaos-radio]

Release: July 8, 2022

Lyrics:

As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined

You must have had yourself a change of heart like

Halfway through the drive

Because your voice trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign

Kept on drivin' straight and left our future to the right

Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face

And memories are somethin' even smoking weed does not replace

And I am terrified of weather 'cause I see you when it rains

Doc told me to travel, but there's COVID on the planes

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks

And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas

And I'll dream each night of some version of you

That I might not have, but I did not lose

Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad

That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad

No, I am no longer funny, 'cause I miss the way you laugh

You once called me forever, now you still can't call me back

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks

And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas

And I'll dream each night of some version of you

That I might not have, but I did not lose

Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

Oh, that'll have to do

My other half was you

I hope this pain's just passin' through

But I doubt it

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks

And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas

Have to do

And I'll dream each night of some version of you

That I might not have, but I did not lose

Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

Songwriter: Noah Kahan

SongFacts:

"Stick Season" is a song by American singer-songwriter Noah Kahan, released on July 8, 2022 as the lead single from his album Stick Season. Kahan wrote the song himself and co-produced it with Gabe Simon. Although the song was moderately successful upon its release in the United States, it went viral on TikTok in mid-2023 and charted internationally. It reached number one in the United Kingdom, Ireland, the Netherlands and the Flanders region of Belgium, and charted in the top 10 in Australia, Canada and New Zealand and the top 20 in the United States.

Kahan wrote a verse of the song during a "fit of insecurity" and uploaded it to TikTok in 2022. Success was quick, prompting him to finish writing the song, which "ended up taking a long time." Kahan was also concerned about whether a song written "specifically about his home state of Vermont" would appeal to people living elsewhere, but reactions to the finished song were overwhelmingly positive.

The song title refers to a term for fall in New England, the time after Halloween before the winter snows begin, which Kahan described as "a time of transition" and "super depressing" since "it just means winter is coming soon." and he produces something new. “a lot of fear” and “no one really likes it”.

[rattyshipss]

~Stick Season~

'As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined

You must have had yourself a change of heart

Like halfway through the drive'

Stanley waited, waited for you to come visit him after you guys decided to go on a "break", well more like he decided, then you decided to just fully break up.

"Well if you've decided you hate me so much you wanna go on a break why don't we just break up then because that's clearly what you want!"

Things had been rocky before then, but Stanley hasn't seen you since that moment. Sitting in his house everyday after work, knowing it really wasn't just his house, it was your house, the house you both spent everyday in together. Now even Stanley was barely there.

'So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad

That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad'

Stanley's "dad", the monster who raised him, the monster who hurt him and so many others. He'd never truly be able to get over everything that happened, he knew that. He could barely live with himself after it all and he didn't know how you would ever be able to.

He was almost happy you broke up, that way he'd never have to tell you about his past. But you were also the person he could always tell anything to. Things didn't go well the last time around with his ex, but with you he'd tell you a million times if it meant he got to keep you.

'And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks and I

Saw your mom she forgot that I existed and

It's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas

And I'll dream each night of some version of you

That I might not have, but I did not lose

Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do'

Fairview wasn't a big town, he was bound to run into you, someone you knew, someone you both knew. And it didn't help that your family had become Stanley's family. Maybe he would just be better off with another new identity, starting over again.

That's what he had to do with his ex, why not a second time. Except this time was different, he knew it was different, he knew he wouldn't be able to just leave.

[purposefully-lost]

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks

And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas

And I'll dream each night of some version of you

That I might not have, but I did not lose

Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

[talistheintrovert]

not me listening to Stick Season on repeat and thinking about Jaewon and who he thinks he is and just crying about it

i'm really normal about him okay

So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad No and I'm no longer funny but I miss the way you laugh You once called me forever now you still can't call me back

And I am terrified of weather 'cause I see you when it rains

And it's half my fault but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have but I did not lose

like. it's not every lyric. but it's ENOUGH.