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thedaybeforelastwrites · 2 years ago

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An impossible point in the universe | reylo

Summary: Rated MA. Rey gives into her connection with Kylo Ren — a oneshot that takes place in the time between TLJ and TROS. (But also— bond shenanigans lead to confronting unresolved sexual tension but does nothing to help with unresolved emotional tension — a bit of angst-my fav) Word Count: 3102 Author's note: Back after many years with my first story in a the star wars fandom even though TROS came out over 3 years ago. *shrugs* I don't understand me either. ____________________________________

Rey lays in bed, staring at the ceiling, exhausted beyond measure, wondering why it keeps happening because she can't seem to figure it out and she doesn't know how much longer she can shut Kylo Ren out.

Snoke had said that he was the one linking them through the force. He had said that it was all a part of his scheme, his machinations, his plans—one that ultimately led to his end—but his nonetheless. So why was it that she was still sensing Ben—no, Kylo Ren, she reminds herself for the thousandth time because Ben was who she wanted him to be but Kylo Ren was who he'd chosen—at the corner of her mind? Why was there this constant ache, growing stronger day by day, from resisting giving into their bond?

It's a knock in her head that had started out demure like the tap of a knuckle and had gradually persisted until it felt like someone was banging and kicking on a locked door inside her skull. And the strangest part is that she can tell that Kylo himself has been fighting it too.

She wonders if he is as exhausted as she is.

She wonders how long it will be until one of them gives in.

It hadn't hit her the first time it happened after Snoke's incredibly satisfying demise. When Kylo was looking up at her, not nearly as angry as she'd thought he'd look after she'd refused him. In fact, the confusion and hurt hit her the hardest, and maybe she had even sensed a hint of hopefulness left over right before she'd closed the hatch and taken off with the resistance.

He had betrayed everything that they'd been building, asking what he had of her. Rey thinks about that moment so often, his pleading tone— because please had never sounded like an incantation before and she doubts ever will again— and how his hand was outstretched as if only Rey's grasp held his absolution. As if, though he could never forgive himself—'I am a monster, he'd said'—if she could, if she could just grab on to him then everything would be right.

She thinks about how for a moment she'd actually considered it—not joining him to rule while they watched the universe burn in their wake as he'd have allowed but just... joining him, just him and how intense the urge had been, how horrible and terrifying, and how she'd longed—ached—for someone who wanted all of her, needed her.

She wasn't important to Ben because he needed her for what she could do—he could do it too, just as well, or even better, their meetings had made it hard to tell—Ben needed Rey not in spite of, but even more so, for the worst parts of her, for all the brokenness, the self-doubt, and the invisible marks her loneliness had etched into her soul, marks that matched his. It was why he did not seem to care or even remember that scar she had left on him, because really, what's one more?

And it was always so incredibly hard for Rey to feel wanted with that clawing, nagging, reminder in the back of her head that she was born into this world lacking that one essential feeling—love— from the people who should have felt it for her most.

Everything goes quiet, light and darkness—and the entirety of the force— begins to fill her up and she braces herself for what she knows is about to happen because she just can't push back against it anymore.

But some things are harder to brace for than others.

Rey turns her head to the side and millions of lightyears away and also right in front of her, Kylo Ren is, like she is, lying in bed. Only, their bond makes it feel as if he is right beside her, just inches away and it is the closest that they've been since they'd touched, the fire-light flickering between them, but everything is so different now. Everything has been destroyed. And it would seem, that while they had both been fighting it, the bond between them had only grown stronger.

She can feel his sharp inhale as if stolen from her lungs.

And it is aggravating because it would have been hard enough to ignore him from across a room. Like this, she can count the moles and freckles on his cheeks— if she wants.

"Did it hurt you too?" he asks, and there is a hint of an emotion in his tone that she doesn't wish to place.

Same as he had the first time the force linked them like this, he has spoken first. Rey looks away, trying not to linger on how his brown eyes still look as oddly open to her as she remembers, as though once he had let her in, he could no longer reverse what he'd done.

"That's the only reason I'm allowing this right now," she responds, trying to muster up the same amount of anger she'd felt six months ago but it had all ebbed away, leaving only disappointment (and a feeling of true loneliness) in its wake.

In fact, she has to actively try to ignore the relief that's filling her at seeing him again.

"Where are you?"

The question nearly makes her laugh. Her eyebrows furrow, "Why would I ever tell you that?"

Rey could never put her faith in him again. He was the enemy now. And yet, there's a weird realization that comes along with that thought because he had always been the enemy hadn't he—but just… not always to her. Along the way she had forgotten.

The expression on his face is unreadable and he doesn't answer her. Instead, he looks away, at whatever ceiling it is that he rests under.

They are silent for a long time, laying in bed together, and it is both the most comfortable and most uneasy Rey has been in months.

"Do you want to know what I can't stop thinking about?" he suddenly says, his deep voice so close to a whisper that she barely hears it. He doesn't wait for her to say yes. "I keep thinking, if Snoke created this link, then it should be gone. But since it isn't," and he turns his head to look at her again, his eyes roaming her face as if making sure of the truth of their bond, that she is near, "This must be something else."

His words start her heart racing because hadn't she just been thinking the same, right before giving in to this? There must be a reason why they keep getting pulled towards each other, why it literally hurts to avoid this thing they have.

There has been a link, a magnetism between them from the moment she'd first laid eyes on his fully masked form, on Kylo Ren, deep in the forest. She can remember the fear then like a dream, a fear that had changed and morphed into something else as in every moment since she had gotten closer to Ben, the core of him.

Getting to know Ben, had been like staring into a mirror. She had known it in her soul that Kylo Ren had just as much of a chance of coming back to himself, a Ben so much like her, as she had of becoming like him and from that point on there had been no fear, just understanding, and hope, and the lure of being right on the precipice of something great, the desire to give in to that deep, unmistakable bond. And they had both reached for it.

Even as she thinks it, Ben's eyes slip from her eyes to her lips and back up again, and her stomach flips. Has he come to the same conclusion as she has? The same conclusion she doesn't let herself think. They are the same, two sides of the same coin, two parts of a whole. Fated to be.

Her throat goes dry and quickly she breaks the look between them, being the one to stare away this time. She breathes heavily through her nose as she tries to calm her nerves. She can feel his gaze still on her and her face has gone hot, her entire body has gone hot and as if the thought of her own body spurs his into action, he turns on his side—her bed and blankets shifting against her too hot skin with his weight— to face her fully.

Even now there is that desire to let him in, to be truly seen by someone, to be…

"I didn't give in because of the pain," he says, and with his admission his voice has dropped an octave, "I'm accustomed to pain. I gave in because I've passed the point of wanting you."

Her traitorous heart skips a beat.

Rey closes her eyes as the intimacy of laying in bed together fully hits her. She can't speak and if Rey is being honest, she doesn't trust herself to respond to what he's said. If she's being honest, she should have gotten out of the bed as soon as they'd connected but she hadn't done that had she? Either way, he hasn't finished talking so it turns out she does not have to respond.

"Ever since we touched, it is the only thing I've been able to think about, to dream about. I've imagined what might have happened if Luke hadn't discovered us. I've imagined, lacing our fingers together, bringing you close. I've imagined…" and he stops, a heavy breath leaving him, "It's been driving me insane."

It's like they're living the same life because it's been haunting her too, invading her thoughts. That small touch had changed something and it could never go back to the way it was before. She had never been closer to someone than she had in that moment, never felt so seen, never felt so right.

Rey's breathing hard and though it's against her best judgment she turns back to look at him. His eyes have always been where his emotions show the clearest, but this time—and the knot in her stomach tightens—the longing is not only there, it's plainly written all over his face.

She can almost hear it again—the begging, the please— and she'd been strong enough to not give into him once… shouldn't that count for something?

Shouldn't it?

It is almost as if she's merely watching herself do it, completely out of control, as she turns towards him and reaches out. He reacts immediately. It must be the invitation that he's been waiting for because suddenly he has met her halfway.

And while first, their reaching hands do in fact lace together, grabbing on tightly, it is not much longer before those laced hands are pressed into the pillow beside Rey's head as Kylo Ren hovers over her.

They pause, staring at each other and unbidden Rey can't help but to ponder about the mechanics of their bond. To her, he is in her room—Fin, and Poe, and everyone else just down the corridor but to him, she must be laying in his bed surrounded by The First Order that he leads now.

It is ridiculous. It should matter, it really should, but as she stares up at him nothing could matter any more than this impossible point in the Universe that they have created.

They start moving again, and now their hands glide across each other, roam, and feel, and caress with a desperation that could only come from avoiding this for the last half year.

And god, his arms, and his chest and his stomach are all just as hard to the touch as Rey had dreamed of, taut from his likely obsessive training and his terrible misdeeds.

She only gives those truths a second before pushing them forcefully aside because it is his mouth, when finally they have touched enough, that is the surprise as his soft lips meet hers and his talented tongue force all thoughts beyond his body, and her body, and how right this feels, from her mind.

Rey can't say that it is a surprise but he is unapologetic about his need. Everything he does, he does fully. As he kisses her, he pushes his fingers into her hair, pulls her closer. When he grabs her waist, his hands are rough and greedy. When she presses herself against him, he rolls his hips hard against her in return, and it is enough to make her gasp.

He wants her so badly, and that feeling of being someone's World is all Rey has ever wanted. And she knows, because they are the same, just given different choices at different times, that he needs to be seen just as much as she does. That he needs to be understood and loved.

And she does love him—just not unconditionally because Rey cannot love Kylo Ren. She can't love him through all of the things that he's done—she can't even let herself think about them for too long, but she can love Ben and hope that he will finally win the war going on inside the body they share.

She tries with all of her to get her own message through, angling her mouth against his, deepening their kiss, 'Please' she thinks and hopes he can taste it, 'please turn Ben.'

When they finally break apart, they are both dazed and lightheaded. She places his hands beneath her shirt and responds by undressing her quickly— as if he is sure that at any moment she might disappear— while she takes her time with him, though he is only covered from the waist down anyway. He looks like he enjoys it nearly as much as she does.

And then she places a palm against his chest, pushing him away from her.

The fear that takes over his expression, breaks her heart but she keeps pushing until she has changed their positions and pushed him down on the bed. And when she climbs on top of him—he is so much bigger than her—she kisses him deeply until the fear fully ebbs away.

She is not going anywhere, not now, not yet.

His gasp against her mouth is the most alluring thing she's ever heard, as she sinks on to him. And when finally she has all of him, is full to the brim, he grabs her hips halting her, as if memorizing the feeling.

"I love you Rey," he says and she is not sure if it is Kylo Ren or Ben or both speaking.

"I know," she says, with a small smile because it's all that she can give them. It is only Ben that she is willing to give her heart to but she can give into this.

Experimentally, Rey rolls her hips and the strangled groan that Kylo Ren releases nearly undoes her.

He is a wreck and they have just barely begun. It makes her feel powerful in a way that even the force has never made her feel and so she does it again, and again, savoring the look of him—hair fanned away from his face, eyes half-lidded and watching, mouth agape—and the feel of him—thick and hard where she needs him most, rough hands gripping her thighs.

And for a while, he seems content to let her be in complete control, let her ride him into oblivion but when Rey starts to get close, it's like he can sense it and in turn she can sense the urgency in him.

His hips begin to rise to meet her own, his thumb finds its rightful place between her legs, and the beat of his heart, already erratic beneath her palms, quickens in pace.

He says her name like a plea and surges up to drag his mouth over her mouth, her neck, her chest, moaning into her skin. She can feel him everywhere, even the places he's not physically touching. It's hard to explain. It must be the bond, but the feeling is overwhelming. And the arm that's not attached to the thumb rubbing quick, frantic circles against her, latches around her waist urging her to move faster.

Suddenly, it strikes her just how badly he wants to be the reason, wants to be the one capable of making her lose herself, pushing her over the edge. How badly he needs it and it is that thought that gets her there, the pressure inside bursting to release.

The noise she makes as she clenches and throbs around him is loud and it isn't until she feels her back pressed into the bed—he has changed their position— and his hand gently covering her mouth, muffling the sound, that she remembers all the others nearby—Fin, and Poe, and Rose, and the entire resistance —that might have heard her, not that she can bring herself to care as this spot in the universe they've created shrinks down into a point of pure pleasure.

And he keeps going, somehow managing to angle his hips just right, his large body pressing down on her own, drawing out her orgasm until she is tensing again and rolling into another one. She shakes beneath him, a warm, tingling glow spreading through her just as he groans out his own release, hips jerking out of rhythm until finally he stops.

The two of them stay like that, catching their breath between fevered kisses, wrapped up in each other. And he stays inside her even as he softens, even as the sweat on their skin starts to go cold.

And they are satisfied, fully, in one sense of the word, but in another, perhaps more important sense, they are not satisfied at all.

It is a quieting realization and in the silence all the ways that this was not everything that they needed become harder and harder to ignore… until finally, he disentangles from her, rolling to lay on his back—still close enough to touch but not so close that they aren't both aware that their time is near its end.

Rey stares up at the ceiling, holding back tears. "I love you Ben," she whispers, heart clenching, because it's true and because the silence has become deafening.

She doesn't turn to him but feels his heavy gaze as he looks at her, his eyes roaming over the profile of her face, taking her in as if committing whatever it is that he sees to memory.

"I know," Kylo Ren finally answers.

So Rey turns away from the force and their connection, and is alone.

#reylo #rey x kylo ren #rey x ben #star wars fanfic #my fanfiction #my ff #ff #omg i'm back #writing fanfic #what's happening #it's been so long

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heliads · 3 years ago

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You’re My Partner

When General Organa announces that all Resistance pilots will be assigned partners to ensure that every fighter goes accounted for, you’re surprised that you’re given Poe Dameron.

masterlist

Your footsteps come fast through the tiled corridors. You’re going as quickly as you can without running. Normally, this wouldn’t be anything special- people always find reasons to hurry when you work for the Resistance. However, today is specifically important to you, because you’ve just heard about a last minute change to the usual X-wing squadrons, and as someone who’s shaping up to be one of the best pilots the Resistance has, you have to be on top of things.

This latest change isn’t about flight groups or cruiser assignments, it’s something different. The reason you’re speed walking through the halls of the Resistance base is because you want to arrive early and figure out who your flight partner is, who you’ll be stuck with for the foreseeable future until one of you is either promoted or blown out of the sky in a fiery ball of sparks. It may be dark, but many things about this life are. All the same, you wouldn’t leave it for a second.

General Organa had the idea to assign partners within ship squadrons to foster relationships and make sure that every pilot goes accounted for in battles. Too many battles have ended up with missing person lists, when you can’t tell who’s dead, not coming back, or not yet returned, so she needed a way to make sure everyone has eyes on each other. That’s why she’s instituting the partner system- you watch your partner’s back, they watch yours. In the end, it’s the easiest way to keep track of the hardest to find group in the Resistance, so it sounds pretty good to you.

You can only hope that your partner is at least halfway respectable- if not, you’re saddled with a drag on your engines until you can convince the General to let you switch. As you walk, you’re distracted by the familiar sight of another pilot in your group, Black Squadron. Poe Dameron, who’d previously been about to turn into another hallway, stops and switches directions when he sees you.

He jogs over, his smile easy as always. “Hey, L/N. Have you seen partner lists yet?”

You shake your head. “That’s where I’m going now. You get anyone good?”

Poe grins at you in a way that makes you think you’ve missed something, like when you’re halfway between star systems and realize you left an omnitool or commlink behind at base.

“Yeah, I think so. I’ll catch up with you when you figure out your assignment, alright?”

After you promise him a catchup session, Poe flashes you one last thumbs up and dashes away to his former destination, keen on not being late to whatever it was that’s important enough to catch the attention of the Resistance’s golden boy pilot.

To be honest, you’re a little surprised that he would address you so casually- although the two of you are well known as probably being among the best pilots that the Resistance has, you were fairly sure that you’ve only ever been skimming on his radar, not really worth the effort of a full conversation. Maybe something in the partner assignments changed his mind.

You end up in the hangar bay soon enough, joining the steady stream of pilots all clustered around a notice bulletin to find out partner assignments. After a few moments of jostling and general mayhem, you force yourself to the front of the crowd and stand there, eyes roving the lists of names to find your own. At last, you happen upon your name and freeze. Y/N L/N: Poe Dameron.

It makes no sense. Why would General Organa pair you with someone who’s rumored to be her favorite pilot here? Why would she think Poe Dameron would be your best bet? You remain there for a few moments, shaken, then stumble out of the crowd. What do you do now? You have no idea where Poe is or how to find him. Stars, you have no idea what partner protocol is at all. All Leia mentioned is that you’ll have him, not what to do or how to approach him. Why can’t everything come with an instruction manual, just like your X-wing?

You end up hovering around your ship, fixing parts and pieces in the hopes that keeping your hands busy will enable your mind to stay away from the unexplored question of just what to do about your partner assignment. Eventually, you’re able to fall into a rabbithole of messed-up wiring over the back shield generators and lose all focus of the happenings around you. Your world shrinks to include only your hands, the wires, and the basic components of your ship. You don’t need anything else.

Maybe that’s why it takes you a while to realize that the voice saying a name over and over again is speaking to you, and that someone is walking across the hangar until he’s standing right beside you. You look up with a start when someone lightly taps your shoulder, relaxing slightly when you realize it’s Poe. Then your shoulders tense up again- he knows that you know now. What will he think? Will he be disappointed?

Poe grins, looking between you and your ship. “Sorry to interrupt, I just thought that we might want to have a little talk. You know, partner to partner.”

You wince apologetically. “Yeah, about that. I’m, uh, excited to work with you.”

Poe laughs, lightly touching your shoulder. “No need to make it sound like a punishment, L/N. I’m sure we’ll be fine. I don’t intend on accidentally crashing into your ship during training exercises.”

This time your grin isn’t hard to conjure up. “I would hope not. It would kind of ruin General Organa’s plan if you get me killed before our first firefight.”

Poe shakes his head, faking a serious expression. “Of course. I save my partner-induced killings for after the first few months.”

The two of you joke for a little longer, and then Poe leans in, suddenly sincere. “I’m not just teasing, Y/N. I really am glad to have you as a partner.”

Your smile is soft. “I’m glad to have you, too.”

This turns out to be an understatement- you wouldn’t want anyone else in this entire camp to be your partner. You learn this fact within the first few days, and it is proven again and again. Something about Poe just clicks with you, like he can read your mind and understand every maneuver you want to do, even before you click on your comms to tell him. When the two of you fly, you’re practically synchronous. It’s as if you’ve been joined at the hip for years, not just the few weeks since you got the partner assignment.

To be honest, you’re liking the assignment more and more as time passes. You’ve grown accustomed to looking for Poe in the corridors, sitting with him at meals, exchanging tips and tricks for what to do in the air and back on land. He seems to understand you like no other, and he appreciates you like no other, too- it seems as if his smile brightens whenever he sees you, and he genuinely listens when you have something to say. You trust him with your life, which is something extra special in the Resistance, when it’s tested almost every day.

It’s especially true today, when Poe comes running to find you the second the alarm sirens go off. It appears that a fight is on for the flyboys- some First Order ships stumbled upon a supply caravan directed by Resistance carriers, and all of the pilots have been called in to defend their fellow soldiers.

You smile with relief when you see him, the two of you jogging in unison to find your ships.

“You know the plan?” Poe asks, and you nod.

“Go up, shoot at the bad guys, come back. Easy.”

Poe grins, pausing by your ship while you scramble up into the cockpit. He hesitates one last time, reaching up the side of your X-wing to grab your hand.

“Be safe, Y/N.”

You raise an eyebrow, bemused. “How about you tell me that in the air?”

Poe shakes his head, determined to get his point across. “I mean it, Y/N. They say that there are a lot of First Order fighters out there gunning for us. I want to be able to say it in person.”

You lean down, grasping his hand firmly. “I’ll be safe, I promise. Just as long as you stay safe too.”

Poe smiles up at you. “I will.”

This is easier said than done- Poe’s information is good, there are a lot of First Order ships circling about. From the second your X-wing joins the fight, you find yourself in the midst of chaos. Everywhere around you, you can see lasers firing off into space, ships blowing up, voices crackling over your radio to ask for help. Some of these pleas are followed by exclamations of gratitude for a close save. Others extinguish themselves in blazes of static.

However, you feel alright about it. Just by your side is Poe, checking in and making sure you’re alright. He takes some shots at the few TIE fighters daring to aim at you, and you shout a few words of gratitude over the din of the fight.

You can see Poe grin through the windows of his ship. “Just don’t make it a habit, love.”

You laugh. “Not planning on it.”

You’re distracted for a little while by a squadron of TIE fighters that attempts to choke off one of the Resistance supply carriers. You spin away from Poe, targeting the fighters, and when you circle back up, you can’t find him. Instantly, an icy shard of worry pierces your heart. You look around frantically, but you can’t find him.

You switch on your comms channels, picking the one reserved for the Black Squadron. “Hey, has anyone seen Poe? I think I’ve misplaced my partner.”

You hear a few chuckles, but these dry up as first one person, then another, and then another says that they can’t find him. At last, you hear a friend draw in a rushed breath, then his voice tumbles out over the comms.

“I see him. He’s being chased by a whole squadron of TIE fighters, near the third carrier in the convoy.”

You curse. “I’m after him. Thanks for the tip.”

You pull your X-wing into a dive, not caring about the fighters screaming past you or the laser bolts ricocheting in the space next to you. All that matters is getting to Poe before he gets hit with something that he can’t shake.

You see him before you reach him. Specifically, you see him the second the hit lands. You’re too far away to save him, but just close enough to see the moment that a laser bolt hits one of his wings. Your scream of horror goes unanswered, filtering out into the quiet solitude of space. You push your X-wing forward, taking down the TIE fighters, but it’s too late- Poe’s ship is already sinking. You follow him, lighting up the few enemy ships foolish enough to try and take him on, but in the end it feels that all you can do is watch his ship go further towards the atmosphere of a nearby planet.

You follow him down. There’s simply no other option in your head, no way you could possibly sit up here and watch him die. You pull your X-wing into a tight dive, trying to mirror the exact trajectory that Poe’s ship took, but it’s impossible to tell- with every second, he’s gaining speed. Just as you think you’re far enough away from the battle, one last shot flares around you, your back viewscreen erupting into static. You curse. No one can hear you.

You’re still alive, though, a faint plume of smoke the only sign that something is wrong. As you descend further into the planet’s atmosphere, though, your ship starts to rattle in a way that it never has before. The instruments are going wild, and all you can do is coax some form of a landing out of it. You’re not sure how you managed to keep the ship in one piece long enough to not immediately crash on impact, only that solid ground has never felt so good beneath your feet.

However, you’re not focused on that. No, you’ve taken off running the second it was safe to do so, looking around for something resembling your friend’s craft.

Your voice is hoarse when you shout, but you ignore it. “Poe. POE!”

No response. You run farther, silently begging him to appear. Where is he? At last, you see smoke, and rounding a nearby rocky crest, you see it- an X-Wing, in a state of utter disrepair. There’s no way he could have made it out. Indeed, as you watch, one last spark from the flaming windows catches on the mangled engine and the entire thing goes up in one big inferno.

A sob is ripped from your throat. Poe was there- stupidly brave, funny, bright Poe, who looked at you like you might be more than just a face and name amongst the ranks of the Resistance pilots. Of all the people here, he was the one that you wanted to lose the least. To be honest, you don’t know that you can be you without him. You have felt many losses over this war, but this? This is too much. You cannot do this.

There’s a shout from behind you. “Y/N?”

It’s barely there, rough from the smoke, but it’s enough. You sob in earnest this time, recognizing the voice. When you turn around, he’s there, stumbling from wounds on his legs and torso and arms, but it’s Poe.

You run to him, wrapping your arms around him. For a second, you can’t say anything at all. “Poe. Stars, Poe, it’s you. I thought you died.”

Poe’s embracing you just as tight. “I thought I did too.”

You break away slightly, unable to keep your eyes from washing over him, just to make sure that he’s still here. “Don’t ever do that again.”

Poe grins. “I’m not planning on it.”

His brow furrows for a second, caught up in a sudden concern. “Wait a minute- how are you here? I only got this far because none of the TIE fighters were bothering to shoot a ship that was already on fire. How’d you get through the blockade?”

You grimace. “I simply tried my hardest not to die. Honestly, I don’t know how it happened. All I could think about was making sure I got to you.”

Poe looks at you, perplexed. “Why risk your life for me? You could have died in the descent or on the trip through space.”

You hit his shoulder. “Because you’re my partner, you idiot, and I’m not about to leave you to die on some distant planet.”

There’s a look in Poe’s eyes that you don’t entirely recognize, something soft and quiet. It makes you want to say something more, just to see it again. However, he’s your partner, and there are rules about this sort of thing. You keep your mouth shut.

From there, you face the issue of how to get off of the planet. Poe’s ship is barely scraps of metal at this point, and yours is still facing the impact of the last-minute blaster fire you received on the trip down to the planet’s surface. You’ll have to fix up your X-wing and hope that the two of you can pilot that scrap heap back to the Resistance base. At this rate, you don’t know how well that will work, or how many days you’ll spend on this planet until your ship is passable enough to survive the trip out of the atmosphere.

Poe works with you, walking to and from a nearby town for supplies. The two of you agree not to let any of the residents see your ships or guess that you’re from the Resistance- you’re already in a load of trouble as it is, and getting the First Order down on your tail wouldn’t make things any easier. That night, you lie down to rest under the stars, X-wing nearby under the shade of a rock overhang.

Poe glances over at you, a few steps away. He’s lying on the same standard issue bedroll as you, both of you together on one as his was burned up in the crash. You’re doing your best to not let it affect you too much. You’re not sure that you’re succeeding.

His voice is quiet in the dark of early night. “You really didn’t have to come for me, you know. I still don’t know why you did.”

You turn towards him, unable to keep the surprise from your face. “Are you kidding me? You thought that there would ever be a world where I let you crash and die on this rock?”

Poe chuckles softly. “Well, now that you mention it, it seems a little severe. But really- why did you? And don’t just say it’s because we’re partners. Partners means that you report to Leia that I went down, not that you go after me.”

You sigh, redirecting your gaze towards the stars above you. “I don’t know. All I could think about is that I didn’t want to lose you, so I went after you.”

Poe sits up slightly, eyes fixing on yours. “And what if you’d died on the landing? What if your ship’s damages were worse?”

You find that you can’t quite call up the strength to look away. “Then I still wouldn’t have had to live without you, Poe. Is the thought that someone might not want to lose you so surprising?”

Poe shakes his head, staring out over the surrounding landscape. “Only that it would be you, and that you’d risk your life to save me. You know, at the beginning of this I thought you’d be annoyed that we were partners.”

You stare at him, surprised. “What are you talking about? Yeah, we didn’t talk that much, but that was just because I was kind of afraid to approach you.”

Now it’s Poe’s turn to gawk at you in surprise. “Why? I’ve done my best to seem like the least frightening person in the entire base.”

You shrug. “You always had people around you. I wasn’t sure that you’d be able to fit me in, what with all the chaos of being you.”

Poe laughs briefly. “You weren’t sure that I would be able to fit you into my life? Y/N, I asked Leia to make you my partner.”

You’re speechless for a moment. “What? Why would you do that?”

Poe’s eyes flicker to your lips before he responds again. “Because I wanted an excuse to talk to you. Because I’d heard that you were our most daring pilot and I wanted a chance to figure that out for myself.”

You smile at that. “You could have just approached me yourself, you know. You didn’t have to go to the trouble of meddling with the partner assignments.”

Poe shrugs. “I don’t know. This way, I had a guarantee that you’d stick around.”

You can’t seem to shift your gaze from the way that Poe hovers beside you, just barely touching, close enough for more. “What about this for a guarantee?”

Before you can stop yourself, you’re leaning forward and pressing your lips to his. Poe hesitates a moment before responding in kind, and all you can think about is the vast starry expanse above you and Poe, blocking out it all. There is nothing except him. There is everything because of him. For once, it all makes sense.

You’re able to fly out a day or so after that. The repairs take a while, as does the flight- it would be one thing to make the journey back to the Resistance base in your normally functioning ship, but your X-wing is barely limping along as is. You spend the duration of the trip pressed against Poe’s chest, the hum of the engines combining with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat to form a symphony that’s yours and yours alone. You’ll make it back to the base eventually. For now, it’s just you, him, and the stars. You couldn’t ask for anything more.

star wars tag list: my partner (we’ve been wed) @underc0vercryptid

#poe dameron #poe dameron imagines #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron oneshot #star wars #star wars imagines #star wars x reader #star wars oneshot #poe #poe imagines #poe x reader #poe oneshot #star wars poe #star wars poe imagines #star wars poe x reader #star wars poe oneshot #tros #tfa #tlj

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crewhonk · 5 years ago

Note

A concept: you/character of your choice are getting busy but get interrupted by your pet who wants attention

Warnings: half-smut under the cut, BB-8 is smol and cute

Poe’s breath was hot on your neck, and his hands were rough but so gentle on your waist. They were hot on your skin under your shirt and his teeth grazed your throat as you whimpered and ground against him. You were on his la– had been for half an hour as you both tiredly made out on his bed. You’d been so busy since the new base had settled down that you’d barely had enough time to look at each other let alone have slow moments like this.

“Fuck, Princess. You’re gonna have me a mess before we even get naked if you keep grinding on me like that.” He cursed against your neck, but despite his words, his hands hadn’t stopped coaxing your movements.

“Doesn’t seem like you’re complaining.” You giggled, shrieking as he playfully growled and surged forward, pressing your back against the mattress before moaning into his mouth as he kissed you– the pace picking up with need for each other. You legs wrapped around his waist, pulling his hips to grind against your own, making his shoulder buckle.

“Pants. Off.” He reminded himself, shucking his pants and shirt quickly before ridding you of his shirt you were wearing and pulling your underwear down. They hung limply from one ankle as his finger found your core, soaking in the wetness at the apex of your thighs and making you jolt as his thumb circled your clit. He smirked down at you, watching your brow furrow with pleasure and clicking his tongue when you tried to close your eyes.

“Eyes on me, Princess.” He crooned and your gaze was unfocussed and blurry with exhaustion and pleasure. Just as you felt the familiar coil tighten in you belly, a banging and whirring sounded from his closet.

Poe froze, eyes flickering to the closet and waited before the door rattled and more irritated beeps sounded. BB-8 had woken up from charging, and upon finding themselves in a closet wasn’t too pleased.

Poe groaned, fingers stilling against you, making you whine as he plopped his head against his collar bone. The whirrs and angry beeps only grew louder– your attempt as hiding them away for some privacy had failed.

Poe pulled away, frowning at the view of your hot, needy body and your shocked expression followed his movements. He raised his fingers to his mouth and cleaned off your juices with his tongue as he rolled off the bed. He wiped his spit off his fingers as he threw you a blanket, and you laughed and rolled your eyes, shaking your head in disbelief as he pulled his briefs back over his thighs.

“You’re such a dad.” You giggled, as he shot you a look before opening the closet door and patiently listening to BB-8 tell him off. It wasn’t until the droid noticed you wrapped to your chin in their dads sheets that he put two and two together and squeaked. If a droid could feel embarrassment (you were pretty sure BB-8 was one step away from becoming a human, anyways) he would.

He looked between you and Poe for a few seconds before seemingly nodding to himself and rolling towards the door, waiting for Poe to let him out and calling out a goodbye as the door shut.

“Such a dad, I tell you.” You snorted, bending your finger and beckoning him closer to you. Poe blushed and shucked his underwear once more, crawling into bed and pulling at the sheets covering your modesty.

“It’s all part of my charm, Princess.”

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron smut #poe dameron oneshot #poe dameron headcannon #poe dameron blurb #TROS #the rise of skywalker #TFA #The Force Awakens #TLJ #the last jedi

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kylorensdestroyingthings · 4 years ago

Text

Secure

read on a03

warnings: angst and fluff (nothin to bad though)

____

Sleepily, Ben's fingers outstretched to the side of the bed, reaching for his wife. They'd been married for over a year, and she'd given birth to their daughter Alba soon after the wedding. Alba quickly took after her fathers features. With a tuft of raven hair and ears that he prayed she would grow into. Their wedding had been small. Only his mother and a few of Rey's friends. She had worn her traditional Jedi garb, denying Leia's requests to have an extravagant dress. Nevertheless she was stunning. Patting the torn brown sheets for a moment, he realizes Rey's side of the bed is cold. Freezing actually, like there hasn't been a body there in a while.

Almost instantly, his eyes shoot open and he sits up frantically looking for his wife. Ever since he left the First Order he's been on edge. He had left abruptly, faked his death with the help of the resistance. Mostly his mother and a few higher ups. If the entire resistance knew he had even been near the base there would have been an abundance of uproar. Despite the entire galaxy thinking he was dead (there was no reason anyone should've been able to survive the wreck that 'Kylo' had been in), word had gotten around to the first order that he was alive and kicking.

The order wasn't necessarily an order anymore. More of a crew of Hux's miscreants that wanted return the galaxy to its rightful state. Still, the knowledge that they were out there was enough to run chills down his spine. Ben tries to steady his heart rate, and slow his breathing. Listening around the house for any sign of noise that would signal that Rey or his daughter would be there.

Much to his dismay, there wasn't. There was absolutely nothing. The only thing he could hear was the uneasy sound of his breathing. He reached over to a wooden chair where his robes had bene draped on. After the fall of Kylo Ren he had made his wardrobe primarily dark grey. He would always be tainted with the horrors he committed as Kylo Ren but he was different now. He wanted what was best for his family. Even if it was only the three of them.

When they learned Rey was pregnant with Alba, both of them were equally as terrified. There was so much that could go wrong. Even them being together had been a large risk to begin with. The way they were connected made it very possible to use either of them against the other. Any time someone harmed Rey, Ben could feel her pain coursing through him. Which put his mind at ease for the smallest moments knowing she wasn't currently being tortured. Still, that didn't mean that someone wasn't holding his wife and daughter hostage.

He grabbed his lightsaber from the night stand, placing it on his hip as he exited their tiny bedroom. Their home was small and inconspicuous. Anyone that passed by would just think they were another pair of nobody farmers. Rey had begged him to help her create her own garden. Plants continuously made her the happiest woman in the world and he loved watching her and her green thumb go to work. Besides, the more they lived off of their land, the less they had to go to town and could remain out of the public eye.

Looking into Alba's room, there wasn't a sign of Rey in there either. Her crib was neatly made, like their daughter had never even been there in the first place. The window was shut, the room looked like nobody had ever occupied it. Alba's bottles were neatly lined on the shelf, the books he had read to her that night were no longer on the nightstand were he put them but tucked away on the bookshelf.

He was slowly but surely beginning to question his sanity. Where was his family? Had he imagined all of this? Having a life with Rey and a beautiful daughter? He didn't understand what was happening. Sweat began to perspire on his forehead and he felt his hands begin to shake.

"Rey?" He called softly. There was no response.

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to fully tune into the force around him. He reached out to their bond carefully. She wasn't in harms way, she was okay. Rey felt his side of the bond open and opened hers.

"Ben? What's wrong?" She asked soothing him with her voice in a way no one else could.

"Where?" He croaked out his voice cracking as he spoke. "Where are you? Where's Alba?"

"We went on a walk, she's being quite fussy." Rey spoke softly, reassuring her husband. "We're okay, she just wants to watch the sunrise."

"I thought, that maybe-"

Rey stopped him before he finished the thought. "We're safe Ben, come to the garden."

The bond closed, and he found himself rushing into the garden where sure enough Rey was holding Alba, pointing at the sun making its ascent into the sky. Rey heard the door to their hut close and turned around.

"Look who it is Alba! Is that your Daddy?" Rey spoke softly sitting up Alba a little bit so she could look at her father. Rey met Ben in the middle who embraced his girls in a tight grip, but not tight enough to crush Alba between her parents. "We're okay Ben. We're here with you."

Alba made a noise, as if agreeing with her mother and reached a weak arm out to Ben who took her gently. He adjusted her blanket so I would cover her body and keep her warm as Rey nuzzled herself into his side, stealing his warmth. "Whatever scenario happened in your head, it's not true. You're safe, Alba's safe, and I'm safe. Nothing is going to happen to us."

Ben wanted to argue with the uncertainty of his wides statement, but didn't have it in him to do so. He only nodded and kissed his wife's forehead and held them both a little closer. Alba making little noises as she watched the sky burst into pretty colors. She loved watching the sunrise. It was one of her favorite things, despite being a very young infant she was already developing quite the personality.

"Look at the pretty colors Alba!" Rey cooed tickling their daughters chin a little bit causing the baby to squirm, and let out a gummy grin. Slowly the girl yawned causing her mother to laugh. "So now you're tired huh?"

"Why don't we head back to bed?" Ben suggested rubbing Rey's shoulder.

"We have a busy day Ben-"

"That can wait." He cut her off.

"I suppose you're right, and I think Alba agrees." Rey spoke pointing to Alba who had dozed off in her fathers arms. "Look at that, I birthed her and you can get her to sleep without even trying"

"Don't hold it against her love." Ben spoke opening the door for his wife. "She loves you too."

"You're right." Rey spoke. "Besides, maybe I'll have better luck with the next one."

"Next one?" Ben spoke shocked looking down at his wife.

"What, you think Alba is the only one who likes fresh air in the morning?" Rey asks. "Helps with morning sickness."

"You're pregnant." He spoke.

"Yep. Alba is going to be a big sister soon."

"I love you so much." Ben spoke embracing his wife.

"We love you more." She said cheekily.

#reylo #kylo ren #rey #bensolo #reylo fanfic #reylo au #reylo babies #reylo kids #starwars #Star Wars fanfic #reylo imagine #reylo fic #reylo oneshot #Star Wars tlj #Star Wars The Force Awakens #star wars tfa #star wars the last jedi #star wars tros #star wars the rise of skywalker

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moon-antics · 5 years ago

Note

can i have 22 from the prompt list w poe and can it be angst but w a happy ending ? i love your writing so so much

the truth

authors note : aww thank you so much! i’m actually not too happy with how this one came out but i need to get back on my grind. i hope you enjoy it!

character / ship : poe dameron x reader

prompt(s) : 22 – “there was never an us”

summary : the truth always comes out, though not in the ways you might expect

word count : 1075

warnings : swearing

“I did it to save you, to save us!” “There was never an us!”

That sentence rang around your head again and again, causing more tears to flow down your cheeks each time.

The Black Squadron had been on a mission to retrieve information from a spy behind enemy lines. But the First Order noticed and send out a group of TIE-Fighters, causing you and your fellow pilots more trouble than you needed.

Two TIE’s just wouldn’t get off Poe’s ass, so you decided to take them down, and you did take them down. But the risk you took with your maneuver didn’t leave Poe happy at all. A few missions prior you had already done the same thing; risk your life for him.

A forced “thank you” echoed through the comm’s as Poe flew off, the proud smile on your lips fading at his lack of excitement.

As soon as you landed, you knew he would come over and give you a lecture. Yet in a million years you could’ve never prepared yourself for the words that Poe threw at your head.

Your feet had barely touched the ground of the base as one hand grabbed your arm and yanked you around. It was Poe, and he was mad.

“What in kriffs name were you thinking?! You almost got yourself killed out there!” “I didn’t Poe, I had everything under control, and I helped you!”

“I didn’t need your help.”, he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

You swallowed, stepping a bit closer to him, “Poe.. I told you this before, I’m scared to loose you-“ “And like I told you before, I am expendable. You should worry about yourself.” “But I did it to save you, to save us!”

Then he said it. And when he did, your heart dropped and broke into a million small pieces. You couldn’t even force yourself to remember the scene, the look on his face, the anger in his eyes, when he said it. All that you saw were the tears blurring your vision as you pushed by him, desperately searching for the safety of your quarters.

You and Poe had a.. history. Often when you two found yourself lonely on missions or even after the base, late at night when neither of you could sleep, you had long, deep conversations that were only meant for your ears.

Touches were exchanged, looks and sometimes even more.. but it was all a secret, no one ever spoke of it, until the same situation arose again. You felt a connection between you and Poe blooming through your late and sleepless nights. You craved his touch more, you wanted to sleep with him next to you and wake up to the same man, every day.

And up until now, you thought he felt the same.

His words showed you differently. The memories making your heart bleed so much more. ‘How could I think he actually liked me? I was just a way to pass time..’

The day after the incident, you tried your best to avoid him. ‘He wouldn’t talk to me anyways, would he? He hates me now.’

The damage that your X-Wing had sustained during yesterday’s fiasco was now yours to fix. Honestly, you were happy about that. It helped you get your mind off things and keep you busy until it was time to sleep again. At least that was your plan.

Poe had other plans.

This man couldn’t find a second of sleep that night, his thoughts pondering over the look you had on your face when he said it. If he was silent enough, he could’ve sworn he heard your heart break.

He had caused you all this pain over something that in reality filled him with happiness. He was ecstatic that you cared so much about him, that you’d even give your life just so he could live. And what did he do? Shatter your hopes and dreams.

The many nights you two have had together, Poe didn’t just use you, he needed you. And he still does, he always will.

One part of him didn’t want his feelings to be true. He told himself he was merely lonely in between all these battles raging on, and you were there to fill that void.

Whenever you or he left and that void was all too real again, he hated the feeling. That was what the other part of him signaled him : he had feelings for you.

Alas, he was scared. Scared to truly find this attachment, to be this vulnerable yet happy.

After last night, after countless hours of running circles in his mind, he decided he wanted to be happy.

That is why Poe strides up to you, taking big steps to reach you quickly. You didn’t notice his presence at first since your back was turned to him, only his shadow was looming over you.

You got up and turned around to face whoever was blocking the light. “Could you please stand somewhere else-“

Your throat tightened instantly, no words or even a breath could get through. Would he yell at you again? Demote you?

Before you could think of any other possible outcomes, Poe chose one that didn’t spring to your mind.

His hands cupped your cheeks gently as he smashed his lips against yours. You stumbled back against your ship out of shock and his body pressing against yours. After a few moments, your brain decided that this was actually happening, and that you had to do something.

Your eyes fluttered closed, like the many times this has happened before. But this wasn’t in your quarters, at night, with no one around. No. Everyone who wanted could see it.

The sensation that spread through your body as you finally moved your lips against his was incredible. If you didn’t know any better, you would say that Poe put all his bottled-up feelings into this kiss.

His heavy breath hit your face when your lips disconnected. You slowly opened your eyes and met Poe’s gaze. This was the truth, the kiss, his feelings, your feelings.

Poe’s lips tugged up into a small smile as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to this chest. Your arms wrapped around his torso, grabbing the fabric of his top.

You could slowly feel the pieces of your heart getting picked up again by the only person who could fix it, Poe.

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron oneshot #poe dameron angst #oscar isaac #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars oneshot #star wars imagine #tfa #tlj #poe dameron imagines

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moonknightly · 5 years ago

Text

Sanctified : Poe Dameron x Reader

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Excerpt: “Would she really have left him on his knees, pleading to a false God for some reason as to why he was left with a gaping hole between his ribcage where she had once made her home in his chest? If he had loved her harder, would she still have slipped through the cracks in his fingers?”

Warnings: Cursing, blood, I don’t think there’s anything else?

The Resistance wasn’t a force designed to accommodate a sense of relaxation and ease. Not in the least. No, it was a caustic hurricane of motion, an evermoving thing. There was almost never a moment to breathe, and so, on the rare nights when the war was quiet and the atmosphere was still, most everyone jumped at the chance to take advantage of the calm, becoming lost in their reverie.

Poe Dameron was no exception.

The stars were particularly bright that night, shining radiantly overhead and providing just enough light to see through the darkness. Not that he really needed to see, he was perfectly content with just laying in the grass with his eyes closed, allowing the damp blades to kiss lines at the back of his neck. His chest moved slowly up and down with each inhale and exhale, the cold wind in the air freezing the tip of his nose, though he barely minded. The small bite was almost welcoming — the one thing that kept him grounded to reality, kept him somewhat lucid while his brain graveled for a state of nothingness. Poe was not a man who ever liked to give up complete focus.

He thought about allowing it though, just this once. It could be beneficial, perhaps. His thoughts were always racing, his mind always on, always thinking. He carried the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders day in and day out, always preparing for the worst, constantly formulating escape plans and alternatives to the original. Trying to keep everyone safe and out of harm’s way to the best of his ability.

Most importantly though, and over everything else, he would admit that he was just selfish enough to have her safety at the forefront of his mind, above everyone else’s.

She was the reason behind it all. Or at least, she had been, back when she was still there with him. She had vanished into the night like a ghost, leaving him bitterly and utterly alone and waiting for something that he was beginning to believe would never come — her return, a reunion. The moment where he could sweep her up into his arms and trap her within them, hold her hostage to his love.

But of course, that was if she still even loved him. Did she? If she loved him, why would she have disappeared into the darkness like a cloud of gray smoke — untraceable and completely fluid? Would she really have left him on his knees, pleading to a false God for some reason as to why he was left with a gaping hole between his ribcage where she had once made her home in his chest? If he had loved her harder, would she still have slipped through the cracks in his fingers?

Perhaps it truly was his fault. Maybe he hadn’t loved her enough. Maybe he hadn’t been as selfish as he had needed to be, and maybe he hadn’t really put her first, like he believed she irrevocably deserved.

But had it really been so bad that she felt the need to flee? Had he been so terrible of a lover, she could no longer stand to fight along his side for a cause she had once been so passionate and devoted to?

It had been close to a year now, and Poe still wasn’t sure what he had done wrong.

And he wasn’t the only one still grieving the loss of losing her. No, Leia spent each morning missing the idle conversation over a cup of caf with the girl she had come to love as her own, and the Resistance still hadn’t recovered having one of their best pilots ripped right out from under them.

He wondered if they would all feel better if they allowed themselves to be angry with her.

Instead, they all just just missed her.

That was definitely enough thinking for one night.

Poe allowed himself one more moment to lay there, willing what little was left of his heart to stop aching. He knew it was fruitless, though — it had been throbbing in the hollow expanse of his chest since the day she ran and took most of it with her. The pain had hardly even dulled since that morning all of those months ago when he woke with a wicked hangover only to find her side of the bed cold, his mother’s ring that she had been wearing around her neck now clasped back onto his.

How had he stayed dead asleep through that?

Maybe he would’ve been able to convince sheto stay if the alcohol swimming through his veins hadn’t subdued him.

Definitely enough thinking.

Poe quickly sat up, rubbing at his eyes with clenched fists, blinking to get them to focus again. He sat there for just a brief second, frowning at the sky that was now tinted orange. Had he fallen asleep? Was the sun now starting to rise?

Wait, was that smoke?

He turned, glancing over his shoulder with furrowed eyebrows. It took him a moment to comprehend exactly what he was looking at, maybe because rationalizing that his eyes were betraying him made more sense in that moment, but when he finally did, it felt as if all of the air had been knocked from his lungs, and the blood in his veins turned to ice.

In the short time that Poe had been lost in thought, the calm of the night had been replaced by a raging fire, completely consuming the small village the Resistance had been taking refuge in for the last week.

The horror was evident on his face, though there was no one else around to see it, and the ability to breathe completely escaped him as he gaped at the sight in front of him. He stood on shaky legs, pushing himself forward, running as fast as his body would allow towards the flames.

Ash filled his lungs as he grew closer, and he instinctively brought an arm up to protect his face. His eyes stung, but he couldn’t focus on that, no. Finding everyone else, making sure that the General was safe and figuring out what the fuck was going on was much more important than his own discomfort.

Fallen bodies lined the dirt streets, some belonging to villagers Poe had come to know decently well, though most he didn’t recognize. He bent down next to one, checking for a pulse and instantly noticing the First Order symbol stitched onto the front of their jacket. He jumped back as if he had been burned, a small curse falling from his lips. They had known before taking refuge in the village that the majority of the planet was aligned with the First Order, but they had been so careful with keeping their presence hidden. What had given them away?

Another thing he didn’t have time to focus on.

Where was Leia?

Poe quickly straightened, taking a moment to compose himself, to gain a sense of his surroundings. Everything was burning, nothing familiar, the sky orange as flames licked at every structure he set his gaze upon. He couldn’t tell which way was the center of town and which way the ships were parked. He decided to just take a chance on a direction, and ran towards the treeline to the west.

He tried his best to ignore the carnage around him, keeping his eyes set in front of him, refusing to let them wander. He was sure that he would never sleep again after this, not with the image of so many hollow corpses forever burned into his mind. He had seen some terrible things before, but he was almost sure that this proved to stand at the top of his list.

The surrounding buildings slowly started to become more familiar to him, as they weren’t completely charred yet. He recognized the hut he had been staying in himself, and knew that if he went up to the corner and took a sharp right, he would find himself standing in the large clearing with the ships and the supplies all ready to be packed away in the morning and —

Except, there weren’t any ships. No supplies. No people scrambling to make an escape, because it was apparent that they already had. The clearing was completely empty, the only sign that they had even been there at all showing in the tracks left in the grass.

They had left him.

He was alone.

Alone on his knees in the middle of a burning village without his X-Wing or another ship of his own, with no way to find Leia and the others. He didn’t even know where his droid was. He was alone and he was going to die alone and maybe that was for the better because he hadn’t been there to help evacuate and he hadn’t been able to save the villagers who had been so kind as to offer them refuge. Maybe he deserved to die in the middle of the fire and the wreckage he hadn’t been able to even try and stop because he was too busy wallowing in his own thoughts and self pity.

If he hadn’t been doing the same just then, he would’ve noticed someone sneaking up behind him before they wrapped their hand around his wrist.

He spun on his heel, his hand reaching for the blaster on his hip on instinct, his thoughts quieting as he immediately went into attack mode.

But he couldn’t even stay there for very long before his defense was replaced by shock, and maybe just another dash of horror, though his brain wasn’t exactly able to place why.

Maybe because his brain assumed that he would be dead before he even got the see who it was that grabbed him.

Maybe it was because it was her standing before him, her hair whipping around her face with the wind, her eyes still her’s, only colder.

Maybe it was because she was standing there in all black, and Poe wasn’t foolish enough to think that it was just a coincidence.

Every bone in his body was telling him to move away from her, to put as much distance as he could between them, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get his feet to move. Part of him didn’t want to move. She was standing in front of him and while the destruction illuminating her silhouette might have been at her own hand, it was still her, and she was right there. Right in front of him. Touching him after so long.

But the warmth of her hand around his wrist soon disappeared, and her posture went borderline rigid. Her eyes traveled over his body, and if Poe didn’t know any better, he would almost say that it seemed as if she were checking him for any sort of injury or wound.

But she wouldn’t care about that, would she? Not after what she had just done, and what she was still getting ready to do. Poe could see her finger hovering over the trigger of her blaster.

“That’s why you left?” he started through clenched teeth, the anger he had kept pushed down for so long beginning to bubble in his veins. “To join them?”

She didn’t respond, only kept her gaze focused on a spot somewhere behind his shoulder as she couldn't bring herself to actually look at him again.

He wasn’t having that.

Not if he was going to die by her hand at any moment.

His hand flew to her chin, grasping it between two fingers as he forced her to look him in the eye. The lack of emotion he saw within her own almost made him falter, but he was determined to get something out of her — the answer to the question he had been asking himself since the morning she disappeared right out from under him.

“Tell me why.”

“I didn’t do this by choice,” was her immediate response, and the sound of her voice in his ears made Poe want to weep. It was still her, but harsher — void of the softness that had once lingered in every inch of her being.

“What, didn’t have a choice in joining the First Order or didn’t have a choice in killing dozens of innocent people?”

She looked almost as horrified as he had upon seeing her again, her gaze flickering back to the treeline behind him before he shook her head just a little too roughly in order to bring her attention back to him.

“I didn’t do this,” she answered quietly, shaking her head free of his grasp. “I came to warn you.”

She took a single step backwards, and Poe saw an opportunity to rip the blaster from her hand, spinning her around until her back collided with his chest, the muzzle of her blaster now pressed firmly to her temple. He had no plans on pulling the trigger, he would let her walk away before he ever thought of such a thing, but she didn’t need to know that just then.

“Like hell you didn’t do this,” he growled, both of them now facing the village as it continued to burn in front of their eyes. “Traitor.”

She didn’t fight against him like he half expected her to. “I may have killed tonight but believe me when I say the lives I took were not at all innocent.”

Poe’s grip on the blaster loosened just a fraction, and he shifted somewhat nervously, mind instantly wandering back to the man with the First Order patch on his coat he had seen upon entering the village just a few minutes before.

“I told you,” she grumbled, effectively twisting herself out of his grasp, though she let him keep the blaster in his hand. “I came to warn yo—”

“Where are Leia and the others?” he asked suddenly, effectively cutting her off and completely disregarding the words attempting to leave her lips for a second time.

He watched her closely, his expression hard though the pain in his eyes couldn’t be hidden no matter how hard he tried. She noticed, of course she did, but she wasn’t there to mend the past. Not then.

“I didn’t ask,” she answered with a simple shrug of her shoulders.

“They wouldn’t have left me here, they wouldn’t—”

“Leia knew that I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you.”

There was something in her tone that made Poe want to throw all of his apprehension and hesitation out the window. Either she had gotten really good at lying in her time with the dark side, perfecting her manipulation and persuasion skills, or she was being honest. Poe wasn’t sure which he prefered.

“She trusted you enough to help me, but not enough to tell you where they’re headed? What are you, a spy?”

“That would make this a whole hell of a lot less complicated,” she mumbled with a quick shake of her head. She took a brief pause, sighing gently as she folded her arms almost protectively across her chest. “I didn’t want her to tell me. But I am tracking BeeBee from my TIE. He’s safe along with the rest of them.”

He nearly winced at the sting that came with her affectionately referring to his droid, but he pushed it away, clenching his fists and digging his nails into the palms of his hands.

“Except the First Order can track your TIE, which means they can track him—”

“I disabled that before I even left the bay,” she grumbled, waving her hand as if to dismiss him. “I’m not stupid, Dameron.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he retorted, glancing at her attire once again with a scowl on his face, though it quickly softened as he slowly began to give in to a single ounce of his emotions. “What happened to you?”

“You need to go.”

“I want you to tell me—”

“I told you I didn’t do this by choice, and that’s all you need to know. Now you need to go.”

“Give me one damn good reason as to why I should trust you.”

Poe watched as her expression softened, just a fraction, her stealy facade cracking just enough for him to see a small shadow of someone familiar, a ghost of the girl he once knew.

“Because you did, once.”

“But that’s where you’re wrong,” he laughed bitterly, waving the blaster around in his hand like it wasn’t some dangerous weapon designed to kill. “I trusted the girl who fought for the light. The girl I loved. That version of you is dead.”

“You know just as well as I do that we all kill different parts of ourselves in order to survive. Haven’t you?”

He ignored answering her question completely, though he couldn’t ignore the pang in his chest that came with her words.

“And we both know that you never trust a survivor until you know what they did to stay alive.”

She stayed silent at that, tearing her gaze away from him. She seemed to lose herself in thought for just a moment, but quickly shook herself out of it, the small sliver of light Poe thought he saw shining in her irises quickly fading.

“Kylo Ren is going to hear about what happened in this village soon,” she whispered, voice softer than her facial expression. “If you stay here, you’re dead.”

Poe ground his teeth together, jaw clenched as he forced himself to keep his eyes on her. He tried to think of some response, but couldn’t. Even just the thought of Ren made his veins itch with panic.

But she was speaking again before he had a chance to spiral.

“My TIE is just through the treeline over there,” she said, nodding to her right, the opposite of where she had been looking earlier. “You can waste time checking it over to make sure I’m telling the truth and that it’s completely undetectable, or you can just trust me.”

There was a weird emphasis that she placed on “me”, one that Poe detected but didn’t want to think about.

“And what about you?” he asked suddenly, silently cursing himself for caring. He wasn’t supposed to care, not about her. “You’re just going to stay here?”

She shrugged her shoulders, as if the answer didn’t matter, slowly bringing her eyes back to his. “Like I said, Ren’s bound to show up eventually. And he’s also going to get a punch in the balls when he realizes that his best pilot is missing during it all.”

Her sentence made a soft smile twitch at his lips, and he had to suppress the urge to ask her more. There were so many things that he wanted to know, still so many unanswered questions. So many things he needed her to elaborate on. So many things that he needed to say.

“Come with me,” he almost pleaded, hating the desperate edge in his voice. He sounded weak, and thanked the Gods above that she didn’t seem to think the same.

“I can’t.”

She didn’t offer up any sort of explanation, or a reason as to why she couldn’t, and Poe wanted to ask her. He wanted an answer more than he wanted anything in that moment, but she had always been easy to read, and he could tell that she wouldn’t give herself up just then.

He sighed gently, taking a single step towards her. All of his previous thoughts about her seemed to vanish just then, and he knew that it wasn’t possible for her to have set fire to a village full of innocents, or for her to be the monster he had first seen in his head. There was more to it, and he was dying to know.

But he knew that he didn’t have the time, and he knew that she wouldn’t budge on the matter.

He had always put her safety first, but she had always done the same with him. They were both stubborn, and Poe had to will himself to be selfish just this once.

It would do no good if they were both trapped in the remnants of this village.

“If I find the others, if I make it back to the Resistance,” he mumbled gently, taking a brief pause. “I’ll come back for you.”

She chuckled at his words, though the sound held no humor. She looked haunted, almost, and Poe desperately wondered why.

“They’ll find me first, Dameron.”

Her voice was full of disappointment, and Poe wanted to extend his offer to her again, insist that she go with him, but the words were trapped in his throat and before he had a chance to free them she was speaking again.

“Now get out of here before I have to make you.”

Something in him wouldn’t allow him to hesitate — maybe it was the tone in her voice or the way that she looked at him, but he decided to oblige. He held her blaster back out to her with shaking hands, and for a moment, she looked as if she didn’t want to take it from him. Her pause was just long enough that Poe reached out for her hand, dropping the weapon into it and curling her fingers around the handle. He squeezed her hand once before pulling back, almost reluctantly so.

“Go.”

Poe stared at her for a second longer before listening to her words. He took several steps backwards, fully giving into his desire to believe that none of this was her fault. Absolutely none of it. He knew she wasn’t capable of something so horrid, though there were still so many unanswered questions.

“I’ll come back for you,” he said again, voice more sure than it had been before — a promise lingering in his tone that he vowed to not break.

“Go, Dameron.”

Her tone left no room to argue, and with that, he turned, racing off towards the TIE hidden between the trees, only glancing behind him once. He knew that if he looked at her any more than that, he would cave and turn back to her.

She watched him fade into the night, becoming nothing more than a shadow in the lingering darkness. She watched and watched and watched until she saw her small ship leave the atmosphere, becoming nothing more than another star in the night sky until it disappeared completely. The sight brought a small bout of relief, but fear soon started to creep its way back into her veins.

They hadn’t been alone.

She knew they would find her first, because they already had.

She could feel the eyes still boring into her skin from amongst the treeline. Eyes that had been there since the start of her exchange with Poe. Eyes belonging to someone she had fully expected to take a shot at him, though that shot never came, and while she wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, she knew it wasn’t good.

But he was safe. That was all that mattered to her in that moment.

He was safe, and while she certainly wasn’t, the thought still brought her a sense of comfort.

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