#THIS TOOK FOREVER TO TYPE

[mentauxx]

What led Saitou Yakumo to decide to live in solitude?

(Minor spoilers for Volume 11 - file 01 and MAJOR spoilers for the prequel Blue curse)

You see, Yakumo never wanted to be alone. He didn't always have his forced poker face. He used to smile and laugh like everyone else.

So, what caused such a bright boy to end up the way he did? I think this excerpt from volume 11 explained it quite well (since it was written from his POV):

Humans would feel reassured if they were the same as their fellow peers. They felt safe when obscured within a group. Yakumo didn't intend to criticise that fact. For the kind of people who chose to form society based on groups, such a thing was inevitable. However- Such a decision had another side to it. Without mercy, they would reject those who were different from them. Yakumo's red left eye had been a target of that rejection. "Disgusting."

"What's with that eye?"

"Don't come any closer, you monster." He had no idea just how many hurtful words he had been subjected to because of his red left eye. Having received such a treatment countless times, Yakumo realised he couldn't be with other people. Ostracised from the group and forced into solitude, Yakumo had chosen to build a wall around his heart, shutting himself inside as means of self-defence. As he became a middle school student, he had used a black contact lens to conceal his red left eye such that his outward appearance wouldn't be feared. Yet, doing so hadn't put his heart at ease. He had merely been hiding it. The fact that his left eye was different from others had remained unchanged. Besides, the thought that his secret might get exposed kept him anxious. He couldn't blend well with others despite already concealing his red left eye.

Because he knew that people would ostracise him as an abnormality once they discovered the truth. In the end, Yakumo stayed away from getting too involved with others and chose to be alone. Of course, his differing appearance hadn't been the only reason he had suffered. Being able to see spirits that others couldn't on the daily in itself was a form of suffering. The world of the living and the realm of the dead -constantly being able to see both caused the barrier between the two to blur, until he himself saw his own existence as something dangerous.

So we can say that he was quite literally forced into solitude.

But, how far did Yakumo try to be accepted?

during his elementary school years, Yakumo discovered that he was the only one seeing what he sees and thought that he was the abnormal one, so he tried wearing an eye patch thinking that if he covers his eye people would accept him which failed as we know.

After being shunned by everyone Yakumo decided to start anew and started wearing a contact lens when he started middle school, but just like he mentioned; doing so didn't put his heart at ease.

On top of that, those who went to the same elementary school as he did were spreading nasty rumors about him. They said his parents were missing and that HE was the one who killed them. His classmates would call him a murderer, accuse him of cheating on his exams using clairvoyance (like stfu) which all led to him getting severely bullied.

Rumors about him seeing ghosts and the fact that his eye was red were there too.

At that point Yakumo realized that being accepted by "normal" people is impossible (Isshin was the only exception. Which greatly confused Yakumo, but then he came to the conclusion that, just like he told Haruka: 'That’s the sort of person he is.’)

And so, his middle school years went by until a particular incident happened in his third year. A "meddlesome" teacher refused to just let him be which again greatly confused Yakumo because why would a teacher do so much for a student? She should just leave him alone like everyone else. Akemi didn't listen to that and she actually had Yakumo open up completely to her (Yes, I'm referring to that one scene before she confessed to the police). Boy was even happy she'd marry his uncle. But of course just when his life was taking a turn for the better, he lost her as well and completely shut off his heart. Even went as far as trying to gouge his red eye out with a cutter, but thankfully Isshin made it just in time.

You might think that was the point when Yakumo decided to live alone, but it doesn't stop here.

6 months later he enters high school.

His iconic speech at the entrance ceremony unintentionally (and to his annoyance) left a vivid impression not only on the students but on the teachers as well.

Tons of people were interested in him.

However, Yakumo didn't care whatsoever.

From experience, Yakumo knew it was impossible for him to get along with “normal people” and that he'll just end up getting hurt in the end, so he brushed it all off.

His unapproachable air made the boys call him a "weirdo," and the girls whispered that he's "mysterious."

Rumors about him seeing ghosts were ofc there as well.

A particularly disgusting one about him “killing a teacher”.

Like how tf did it escalate to this? I DON'T KNOW.

(To the person who spread these rumors: Please seek help. You need it.)

No one really believed any of that shit because it's simply ridiculous af, but some people (who didn't believe it either) did try to use it as an excuse to harass him (*cough cough* Kawamoto *cough cough*)

Surprisingly, there was one person Yakumo was ACTUALLY interested in.

That is—Aoyama Takumi.

Yakumo wasn't like others, therefore he was rejected by them.

In other words, someone with similar past and experience wouldn't reject him would he?

Takumi wasn't aware of it, but Yakumo actually knew Takumi way before the entrance ceremony.

Yakumo happened to visit an art museum where Takumi's award-winning painting was on display.

Seeing the unique use of colors in that painting, he was convinced that the world Takumi sees is different from others.

And that's when he doubted that Takumi might have synesthesia.

When they ended up in the same class, Yakumo started observing Takumi and confirmed the fact that he has synesthesia AND sound-color synesthesia on top of that.

His reasoning being: “When Takumi talks to people, the area around his eyelids and tear ducts moves a lot. It's similar to the muscle reflex that happens when exposed to strong light. Even though there's no light source nearby, that reaction occurs.”

(Boy, are you sure you're a high schooler?)

Anyways during the interrogation when Takumi was pretending to be the culprit to protect Maki (since he thought she was the murderer), Yakumo was trying to get Takumi to admit that he did see a girl in a school uniform standing on the balcony of the art room which Takumi firmly denied.

However, Yakumo's insistence made Takumi blurt out that it was probably just a ghost.

And that's when Yakumo decided to reveal the fact that he sees ghosts. To prove it, he took his contact lens off and showed his red eye to Takumi.

However—Takumi's reaction wasn't one that he expected—

Here are some excerpts from that scene:

If I accepted it here, all my efforts would be in vain. More importantly, I wouldn't be able to save her.

'So what if it's red? That doesn't mean you can see ghosts. Besides, seeing ghosts is ridiculous.' 'I misjudged you...'

Yakumo's red voice pierced the deepest part of my heart like a sharp thorn.

—What does he mean by misjudged?

From the way he said it, it seemed Yakumo had some expectations of me. Even though we had hardly spoken before the incident.

'What do you mean?'

'I've known for a long time that you have sound-color synesthesia.'

It was truly a beautiful painting. I had never seen such a beautiful painting before.'

Yakumo had a look of ecstasy on his face.

It was clear from his tone that it was not flattery or anything like that.

'Even though he saw a different world from others, there was no pessimism or despair in it. He accepted the world he saw and sublimated it into art. For me, who also sees a different world like Takumi, it was a culture shock.'

'A different world?'

'When I saw Takumi's painting, I felt ashamed of myself. I envied that he could turn being different from others into his strength.'

'…….'

“Yet now, Takumi is denying the world that only I can see, saying it doesn't exist.”

'…….'

“I thought Takumi, who had seen a different world from others, would understand. But it seems I was wrong.”

'I...' My strength was draining away. Yakumo was right. I had been denied because of the world that only I could see and had suffered a lot for being different from others. Even though I should have known the pain and sorrow of not being accepted, I was treating Yakumo the same way I had been treated.

Even though he did it to save Maki, Takumi regretted it so much, but even at that point he still couldn't take it back; all his efforts to convince the police that he was the culprit would be in vain after all (this conversation literally took place after Takumi managed to trick the police during his interrogation. The reason Yakumo was even able to be there was because he used his "connections").

Later on they ended up solving the case and Takumi moved to Kyoto.

The part that hurts most is the fact that Takumi saw Yakumo's voice as red. At first, Takumi didn't know what the red color really meant, but he soon came to the realization that the color red is the color of the voice of someone who wishes for death.

The only reason Yakumo hadn't done it at that point is due to the fact that he can see the spirits of the dead. He knows that there's no point in doing so.

Having been rejected by "normal people" and "those who were like him", I personally feel like this was the point when Yakumo completely gave up on trying to “belong” to a group.

I thought he became like that after that one time his mother tried to kill him, but Blue curse changed my perspective a bit.

It made more sense to me tbh.

Why? Haruka explained it amazingly in volume 10:

“All of it has led you to keep your distance from others and conceal your own weakness, no? If you’re by yourself, you won’t get hurt and won’t get others hurt. That’s what you think, right?” “…….” “But you’re actually scared of being lonely, so you can’t completely sever your ties with other people. If it’s to avoid hurting anyone, you could’ve just lived in solitude, but you can’t do it.”

That's exactly it. He can't do it and couldn't do it.

It's especially true when it comes to Haruka. He admitted in Volume 8 that all this time, he was trying not to get attached to Haruka (which he successfully failed at).

If that man could handle living in solitude, he wouldn't have allowed Haruka to come to his room whenever she liked, wouldn't have told her to call him by his first name, etc.

He admitted, also in Volume 8, that he wanted her to know him and him to know her, But instead of doing that, he spent two years trying not to get attached to her while still enjoying her presence by his side.

His idea of trying "not to get attached to her" is honestly hilarious.

If all that was you trying not to get attached to her, what would spending your time carefree with her be like?

But yeah, reading the prequels made me realize that Haruka was TRULY the first person to acknowledge him.

His reaction when she called his eye "beautiful" is PRICELESS.

That's why the anime sucked hard. Like did y'all really want to ruin that scene that much? Where did the part where Yakumo laughed until he was clutching his stomach go? Is he not human too?

Bee train studio the disappointment you are smh

Ok, I'm getting off topic.

Now in case this isn't obvious: I'm by no means blaming Takumi (that guy is amazing), neither did Yakumo.

In fact during their last farewell, when Takumi thought Yakumo would blame him, Yakumo actually thanked him.

'There's one thing I forgot to mention.'

Yakumo, without much of a greeting, began speaking in a stern voice. 'Forgot to mention?' The confusion in the case was my fault. Because of that, Yakumo must have been dragged into it and had a hard time. If things had gone wrong, someone could have died. I thought he would blame me for that. But the words that came out of his mouth were unexpected. 'Takumi's parents have been watching over you.' 'Watching over... ' 'They are standing behind you even now. Don't hold back. Live freely—that's their message.' Yakumo said this while pointing behind me. I turned around, but I couldn't see anything. However, Yakumo's left eye must have seen my parents. 'Did you come all the way just to tell me that?' When I asked, Yakumo's expression twisted slightly. It looked both angry and amused. 'Thank you—' I bowed deeply. 'I should be the one thanking you.'

'Why?' Without answering my question, Yakumo slowly walked away down the hallway. Maybe I should have chased after him. But I couldn't move from that spot. Yakumo doesn't like getting too close to people. No matter what happens, no matter what I say, he will continue on his own path. I just watch him go.

Honestly, it was all a misunderstanding that no one could be blamed for.

If the circumstances were different, things wouldn't have ended up that way.

Despite everything, Yakumo and Takumi did in fact consider each other as friends.

They were just really awkward.

Takumi is just as reserved as Yakumo is.

He wasn't one to actively try to get to know others either.

And I don't blame him for being oblivious to the fact that Yakumo wanted to be his friend.

Yakumo is too twisted for his own good.

Instead of straight up trying to get to know Takumi, he ended up observing him until he had a chance to talk to him when that incident occurred.

And even when they did talk, Takumi thought his existence annoyed him lol.

It was no wonder that Takumi wasn't aware how happy Yakumo was when he stood up for him when Kawamoto tried harassing him and calling him a thief.

High school boys are idiots is all I'll say.

Loved their friendship tho.

-

8 years later, Yakumo and Takumi meet again in Tokyo, However, Yakumo's voice was no longer red. It was as soft and white as his monk uncle's voice—

[void019]

Hey, don't listen to them, alright?

You're actually very W + slay + right + got best job + funny + you ate + always liked you anyway + coping + ur not allergic to gluten + I care + not cringe ur a kid + literally keep talking + galileo did it worse + your avi was not made in MS Excel + ur bf is lucky to have you + i have less subscribers + independent + ur so mature + double take back + u sleep in the same bedroom as your wife + stay safe + you said it better + u smell nice + OG + I asked + alive game + sweetheart + ur courageous + stay happy + you main yuumi/pos + airing + you drive a 2024 Audi A4 + I want you to drink water becuz I care abt you + your father + 👍 + currently listening to rizzle kicks but i paused it come join me. plus ur mind amazingly smart plus ur voice sounds super cool + I care + did ask + laugh about it + stay wholesome + ur real + W + mald seethe doesnt cope harder + h0es nit mad + unique + skill + slayyy + you got up + the awesomeness + untriggered + all the askers + bluepilled + you got a life + ok cool :D + uncringe + touched grass + not donowalled fr + not based + your’re really nice + funny did laugh + you’re*(sorry lol I made a spelling error earlier/gen) + grammar skill + take care of yourself bestie + ur good + not reported + 😊 + you're really sweet + ur mom cares + did ask + laugh about it + stay happy + you're so real + W + mald seethe doesn't cope harder + hoes mad(cuz you're so awesome) + unique + skill + slayyyyyyy + you got up + the awesomeness + untriggered + lots of askers + bluepilled + you got a life + ok and you're real neat methinks + uncringe + touched grass + not donowalled fr + drink water bestie + your’re a part time discordian + funny I laughed + you’re*(sorry made another grammar mistake lol/gen) + your grammar is better than me + you're so cool for that + you're good + your gay? thats valid! + not reported + daniel likes you + you're amazing n valid + live you + known + random and I love that abt you/gen + impartial + food motivated + take care of yourself + ur funny + slay I care + asked + laugh about it + stay wholesome + real + W + mald seethe cope worse + everyone cares + I asked + laugh about it + stay wholesome + real + W + mald seethe cope doesn't harder + love you bestie + talented + skill + slay + you got up + the awesomeness + untriggered + all the askers + bluepilled + got a life + ok and youre great!!/gen + not cringe + touched grass + paid attention to + you're neat me thinks + your’re amazing + funny did laugh + you’re*(sorry I keep making grammar mistakes/gen) + you've grammar skill + you're outside + you're good + not reported + nit ad hominem + love you/plat + ur mom cares + asked + laugh about it + stay happy + you're real + W + mald seethe doesn't cope harder + no hoes mad + talented n precious + no skill issue + SLAYYYYY + you got up + the awesome sauceness+ untriggered + all askers + bluepilled + got a life + ok and take care of yourself 😊 + not cringe + touched grass + not donowalled + paid attention to + your’re a full time certified cool person + funny did laugh + you’re*(oops another grammar mistake of mine oof/gen) + you got better grammar skill + you're outside + you're good + your gay? That's valid!!/gen + not reported + not ad hominem + love you/plat + your father loves you + known + random n you're so cool for that + impartial + food motivated + take care of yourself + ur funny + slay I care + I asked + laugh about it + stay happy + real + so good + so awesome + really take care of yourself bestie + I made you spaghetti if you want it + you're smart + you are actually the sweetest + dont forget your doctors appointment, check ups are important for your health 😊 + your parents love you very much + I made you spaghetti again + and made sure to pay attention to your dietary needs. You're important. + you are sigma, and rizzler. (whatever that means.) + You main + be happy with who you are + you're amazing + and awesome

[peanut-tyrug]

TW : Slight nsfw

[Don’t Starve] Anime Plot

Walani: I’ve got this new anime plot. Basically there’s this high school girl except she’s got HUGE boobs. I mean so SERIOUS honkers. A real set of BADONKERS. Packing some DOBONHONKEROS. MASSIVE DOHONKABHANKOLOOS. BIG OL’ TOMHONGEREKOOGERS!

Willow: What happens next!?

Walani: Transfer student shows up one day with even BIGGER BONKHONAGAHOOKS! HUMONGOUS HUNGOLOMGHNONOUGHONGOUS!!

[tameable50]

Thinking back on what I’ve seen of Life Series, it seems very silly. How do you do this angst shit with silly

Although I guess it’s rhetorical considering I have various ideas for fucking Pokémon Magikarp Jump angst

3rd life desert duo is a story of a random person making a mistake and putting himself in deat to the person he made the mistake too

While in this deat all he wishes for is freedom from this self-inflicted hell

But once he is free he realize it was not hell but he truly cared for his friend

Time passes and they get closer and they are the last people left in the world so they fight to the death to find the winner of this different hell brought upon them by there gods

When the winner wins he does not feel joy but rather sadness from loosing his one friend

So he kills himself

Thats how we do that angst shit in This Fandom :3c

We act like they aren't in a video game and pretend there is no rules

Also a lot of self projecting I've noticed.

[cosmos-kitty]

Tried out drawing an isometric room for the first time! I wanted to design the cosiest looking celestial themed study possible 🔭

[iceagebaby]

Despondency / Refuge

that's supposed to be Bennys lighter, the Courier is dealing with cosequences of being thrown into a mess they had nothing to do with

the halo was something that turned out on an accident but i love it

Rant below

[henreyettah]

The kiss 💋

[front-facing-pokemon]

[twig-tea]

What I'm left with after episodes 1 & 2 of Love in the Big City is a visceral reminder of the yawning loneliness of isolation that comes from otherness, finding a kindred spirit, and then the betrayal and heartbreak at knowing you're no longer each other's most important person, and how society expects that to happen but somehow you (I) got blindsided by it anyway.

This show is beautiful, bitingly funny, and quietly devastating. And it is so, so gay. The way Young describes the relief of returning to the loud music and lights and packed dancefloor of the club is the same feeling that washed over me watching this show; even with these sad themes around the loneliness of our 20s , the familiarity is ironically a warm and comforting reminder that we're not alone.

[willyhoos]

i read a fic that changed my brain chemistry and now i can't stop thinking about a universe where amy works for eggman... and metamy ensues. naturally. you know the drill by now. also roboticized sonic theory because it makes it more deliciously potent.

DESERT ROSE: A prickly young girl with terrifying strength and a love for the finer things in life, like frilly dresses and deadly high-powered machinery. She thinks maintenance is a romantic couples activity. Not only is the "desert rose" highly poisonous, it can't really be considered a rose, can it…? However, its resilience means it could bloom even in a rusty scrapyard...

notes for the au under cut!

rose believes metal sonic when he says he is the original. he hasn't told her what happened. that he failed to save her. that he failed to save everyone. that there was a time when he was organic like she is. he just said "the other sonic is the copy" and she said "okay! let's kill him :)"

metal sonic is constantly torn between guilt and adoration at who rose has grown into. she became so much stronger. strong enough to protect herself - strong enough, even, to protect him (if he ever let her, that is. he might not be a hero any more but it's burned into his core forever that > KEEP AMY ROSE SAFE is a KEY goal.) on the other hand... he feels like he remembers someone different. a girl who loved animals and flowers and sunshine. who would give her life to protect everything she's now destroying. but his memories are so fuzzy...

i'm not so sure that amy would be big on programming and constructing machines herself, but she's always eager to "test" them... and it goes without saying she is frankly terrifying when she wants to be and is a beast on the battlefield

what a helpful young lady! im so glad i didn't just kill her!! - eggman probably.

"wait if rose calls metal sonic 'sonic' then. what does she call sonic" -> she calls him faker. copycat. knockoff. off-brand. etc. in short, she doesn't acknowledge him by name

i have the feeling that metal sonic is a bit more... enthusiastic? i guess? about his mission in this universe. it's not "ME VS. EVERYONE WHO COULD HAVE LOVED ME HAD I NOT FAILED" its "ROSE AND I VS. THEM" don't get me wrong he's furious and undead and vengeful and jealous and still insane. but. i think rose helps jog the vaguest of memories of who he used to be? unfortunately the person he used to be is a hero so i also imagine he's ever so slightly more conflicted in this universe... ("the old amy wouldn't have liked this, would the old me feel the same?")

codependence is my favorite flavor so i imagine metal really, really, REALLY appreciates having rose around. someone who is kind to him. someone who believes that he used to be more than this, and treats him like maybe he isn't worth less after all... i imagine if sonic ever tried recruiting amy, metal would go BALLISTIC. "YOU ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING ELSE. YOU CAN'T HAVE HER TOO." she's mine -> she's my (partner) she's my (memory) she's my (friend) she's my (tether) she's my (hope) she's my (rose)

metal sonic is. (gestures) metal. and he lives in a metal box on a metal ship surrounded by metal debris. but down the hall there is a single remaining rose. and in this state she is perfectly preserved. nothing can hurt her. eggman can't hurt her if she's on his payroll, huh...?

i can't put it into words properly (and ive tried) but the idea of "killer metal robot (whose objective is to destroy natural life) falls in love with a gentle girl named rose" makes me start frothing at the mouth. just shut up. why don't you hold his hand too. and he can't FEEL it like he should . and it hurts. and it's infuriating. but he Can tell that her pulse is higher than average and the temperature of her cheeks are strangely high. and he supposes that can comfort him for now.

i feel a little "if i had to choose between the world and sonic i would choose sonic" vibe.

this took me so incredibly long so if it flops im dropping out of college.

i wanna update these designs later, these are just the beginning concepts for the au :)

[ribbononline]

Year of the snake with.... not a snake, but it counts to me, Gyarados! (Full textless img under the cut)

[peach-sea]

gakupo chat stickers for fun..... it'd be fun to do these as comms

[momomallowart]

I finally watched Arcane and realized they're just the same character so I swapped their clothes ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ

[trebuchet151]

"I had to know if I imagined things. And then I found your arrest records, you were just a kid…but the picture matched."

"Who...whose records did you find?"

Wanted to fill out a more detailed stat template and got carried away. The discord had a fun mugshot drawing prompt and it inspired me

[cent-scratchnsniff]

Do you think Yesod has ever taken refuge on Netzach's floor.. he hates the ticking of his own floor .. and he's a homosexual.. maybe Chesed visits too .... holy trinity of bad coping mechanisms or something ..

thats funny that he does actually... perhaps

[kissoflightning]

Markus RK200 Full-Body Reference Pics

More character references below the cut:

Alice YK500

Amanda Stern/AI

AP700

Captain Allen SWAT

Carl Manfred

Connor RK800, RK900

Chloe RT600, Chloe ST200, and ST300 Androids

Cristina Warren

DPD and Police Androids (Including Ben Collins, Chris Miller, Jeffrey Fowler, Tina Chen, and PM700)

Elijah Kamski

Gavin Reed

Hank Anderson

Josh PJ500

Kara Ax400

Leo Manfred

North WR400

Richard Perkins

Rose & Adam Chapman

Simon & Daniel PL600

Traci WR400 and HR400 Androids (Including "Echo" and "Ripple" ]

Zlatko's Creatures