#THIS MOVIE/BOOK IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME BECAUSE ITS ABOUT BEING MEXICAN AND BEING GAY AND FAMILY AND THE WAY IT AFFECTS EVERY SINGLE ASPEC

[kuvirametalbender]

God the way the Aristotle and Dante Discover the secrets of the universe trailer just destroyed me.... oh man

[im-so-stuupid]

lets be friends lol

heyyy, my name is monse but you can call me Mo. i’m an 18 y/o mexican american w ADHD, i think that sums me up ok.

i’ve posted something like this two years in a row so let’s just make it a tradition :)

i’m about to graduate highschool and i’m honestly scared. my first post to try and make friend was about liking one direction, harry styles, and some other stuff i’ve forgotten, last years post was about me liking Minecraft youtubers and all that, but it’s safe to say those are no longer my main hyperfixations. i’m always down to talk about the minecraft community (the good and bad),the toxicity of the internet in general, and to discuss important topics overall, though, my current obsession is now percy jackson again.

To all of the seniors going through tough times right now and are feeling lost,scared, and not ready, i feel you. if you need someone to hear you out just hit me up. really, as dumb as you think you sound or feel, feelings are feelings. dealing with mental illness and other unhealthy habits at this point makes me feel a little bit helpless and scared to move on from high school, but i have to remind myself that i am not alone in this, that other people understand this feeling too. so im here for you, and proud of all of us who have tried our best to make it to graduation.

but anyways,,, let me tell you about me and my relationship with PJO

i loved percy jackson when i was in middle school and it was my whole childhood. i never finished the heroes of olympus series because i think i was scared to have it all come to an end. Now that i’m a senior about to graduate i’ve decided to reread the books and finally finish the series, and i need people to talk to about the books :D i think finishing this series is the closure that i need, but i feel like many people (especially seniors) are going through tough spots right now and if you need someone to talk to and if you are willing to hear me rant about percy jackson once in a while don’t be shy to hit me up! just a “hey” to start a convo and it can lead somewhere

and of course pery jackson isnt the only thing ive been liking recently,if you want to talk music im always open to reccomendations! currently ive been back into tyler the creator but i think he might just be my all-time fav, rex orange county being a close second though, ive also been listening to panic at the disco again lmfao mostly the first two albums tho because they are the best (i don't accept criticism on this), and i guess ive been listeing to some mac miller, will wood, glass animals, harry styles, declan mckenna, and a bit of carseatheadrest loll.

i like minecraft, geoguessr and tbh i love playing fortnite because i suck and its really funny to do dumb shit so im down to game if you want. (i also have stardew and terraria if anyone would like to play with me). if you can teach me or want to learn how to play chess with me that would be sick tooi also quite enjoy crafting, i occasionally like to crochet, make friendship bracelets,make silly little clay things,draw, and paint.

I dont watch many shows or movies but i am really fucking excited for the new season of the umbrella academy to come out and for the new doctor strange movie as well, like SO excited. and ofc the PJO series that is in the works AHHH. my current fave youtubers are the sturniolo triplets and the only podcast i watch/listen to is the chuckle sandwich podcast but i do love emergency intercom as well.

so yeah, hmu if you wanna chat about anything and everything, all of the time ;) (also i forgot to mention that im gay but if you are homophobic please leave)

April 14, 2022

[booksbookssomemoviesandbooks]

Book Recs

Hello! so for my first post, I'll recommend some books, so y'all can have a closer look at some fandoms I'll post about! enjoy!!

1.  

Harry Potter By J.K. Rowling is definitely an interesting, well-written series! there are 7 books however, and the books get bigger as the series progresses. It's sometimes difficult to know the exact order, so I'll list it below:

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Although the movies are great, they don't include all the amazing details, as with all movies. A short summary:

Harry Potter, a young boy who’s being constantly abused by his uncle Vernon and aunt Petunia, gets a peculiar letter from the magical school of Hogwarts, where he spends most of his time, becoming his home.

Quotes:

“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." ― Albus Dumbledore

“You’re just as sane as I am" - Luna Lovegood

“Mischief managed" - Fred and George Weasley

It is Important to know that j*r is a huge transphobe, along with other things, and is currently being erased by the fandom itself.

2.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians, along with the other series by Rick Riordan, is a definite must-read. With each book, you can really notice the character developments and a lot more! There is loads of representation in this one, with lgbtqia+ characters, black characters, Muslim characters and more. It's very action-packed and addicting, sucking you into the magnificent world of Half-Bloods and Demigods within the first page. The first series consists of 5 books, in the following order:

Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters

Percy Jackson and the Titan's Curse

Percy Jackson and the Battle of The Labyrinth

Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian

THE MOVIES ARE TRASH SO I DEFINITELY DO NOT RECOMMEND WATCHING THEM BEFORE READING THE BOOKS!!! There were many changes and the movies aren't nearly as good as the books. A short summary:

Percy Jackson, a 12 year-old who lives with his mother, Sally, and step-father, Gabe, attends the private boarding school Yancy Academy. While on a school trip, his teacher, Mrs. Dodds, turns into a fury and attacks him. This, in turn, triggers a series of other problems and adventures.

Quotes:

“If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.” - Percy Jackson

“With great power, comes great need to nap. Wake me up later." - Nico Di Angelo

“Even strength has to bow down to wisdom sometimes." - Annabeth Chase

3.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins is one of my most recommended series! With everything it deals with, from the Capitol to the districts to the champions, the books are amazing! 

Order:

The Hunger Games

Catching Fire

Mockingjay

Starring the movies is the amazing Jennifer Lawrence, but with all books, the movies have slight differences, although I definitely recommend watching them when you're done with the books.

A Short Summary:

In what was once North America, the Capitol of Panem maintains its hold on its 12 districts by forcing them each to select a boy and a girl, called Tributes, to compete in a nationally televised event called the Hunger Games. Every citizen must watch as the youths fight to the death until only one remains. District 12 Tribute Katniss Everdeen has little to rely on, other than her hunting skills and sharp instincts, in an arena where she must weigh survival against love.

(FILM SYNOPSIS)

Quotes:

"May the odds be ever in your favor." - Effie Trinket

"Fire is catching, and if we burn, you burn with us!" - Katniss Everdeen

“Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.” - President Snow

4.

Divergent is another book with a huge fandom, and rightfully so. This book is amazing, and you honestly can't live without having read it!

Order:

Divergent

Insurgent

Allegiant 

Surprisingly, I haven't watched the movies yet, but I hear that they aren’t that bad, so you should give them a go!

Summary:

In a world run by fictional classes known as factions, children who reach the age of 16 begin to choose which factions they wish to call home for the rest of their lives. Each faction comes with its own ups and downs, so it's definitely a hard choice, especially for someone as unique as Beatrice.

Quotes:

“Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it“ - Four

“We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.” - Dauntless Motto

"We are not the same. But we are, somehow, one." - Tris

5. 

You might have heard of this series, and it's really addictive, trust me! The Mortal Instruments is one of the most astonishing books I've ever read, and it's most definitely my go-to when recommending a book series!

Order:

City of Bones

City of Ashes

City of Glass

City of Fallen Angels

City of Lost Souls

City of Heavenly Fire

Again, (I know this is rather disappointing) I haven't watched the movies, but do check them out!

Summary:

Clary Fray's search for her missing mother leads her into an alternate New York called Downworld, filled with mysterious faeries, hard-partying warlocks, not-what-they-seem vampires, an army of werewolves, and the demons who want to destroy it all.

via: https://shadowhunters.com/shadowhunters-novels/the-mortal-instruments/#:~:text=Clary%20Fray's%20search%20for%20her,want%20to%20destroy%20it%20all.

Quotes:

“Heroes aren't always the ones who win. They're the ones who lose, sometimes. But they keep fighting, they keep coming back. They don't give up. That's what makes them heroes.” - Clary Fairchild

“If I cannot move Heaven, I will raise Hell.” - Sebastion Morgenstern

“The descent into Hell is easy.” - Motto of the Nephilim

6.

Gay. What more needs to be said?

SADLY, there isn't a movie yet, but I think they're working on one, or sure though

Summary:

Set in a world in which a female Democrat from Texas wins the presidency in 2016, Red, White & Royal Blue chronicles the illicit romance between the president's son, Georgetown senior Alex Claremont-Diaz (Dad is a Mexican-American senator), and Prince Henry of Wales, his childhood nemesis.

Via: https://www.wsj.com/articles/red-white-royal-blue-book-summer-beach-read-11565285001#:~:text=Set%20in%20a%20world%20in,of%20Wales%2C%20his%20childhood%20nemesis.

Also, classic enemies-friends-lovers arc and honestly it's amazing

Quotes:

“As your mother, I can appreciate that maybe this isn’t your fault, but as the president, all I want is to have the CIA fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term.” - Ellen Claremont 

" 'that’s because you can’t hear all the menacing gobbling.' 'Yes, famously the most sinister of all animal sounds, the gobble.' " - Harry and Alex

"History, huh? Bet we could make some." - Alex

7.

I’m sure you've heard at least a little bit about this book. While not nearly as famous as ones mentioned above, it's still just as good, of not better. I'd say this book is one of my favorites, to be honest. It speaks about a lot of topics people usually find disturbing, and it makes me so happy that it's there, it's written, it's amazing. PTSD, coming out issues, abusive relationships and more, this book is truly awesome.

TRIGGER WARNING 

Summary:

A young boy named Charlie usually dissociates, and pushes other people away. He’s afraid of beginning high school, until he meets two other students who show him how bizarre and amazing the world is.

Quotes:

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite” - Charlie

“We accept the love we think we deserve” - Mr. Anderson

“You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love" - Sam

8. 

This book is honestly pro-feminist and I think that's much more than enough

Summary:

Kaur explores the true impact of sexual abuse and harassment, as well as the difficulties of immigrating, being a female, and depression.

It's also a poem

TRIGGER WARNING

Quotes:

“what is stronger

than the human heart

which shatters over and over

and still lives”

“you do not just wake up and become the butterfly 

- growth is a process”

“on the last day of love

my heart cracked inside my body"

9.

This book isn't very well-known, which really sucks because I really love how it speaks about the consequences of WWII from the German point of view. And about the Germans who did not believe in Hitler's ways. It's also based on a real story, and it's so cool

Summary: 

A nurse working in a nursing home meets a peculiar old lady who decides to tell her her story when she meets the nurse's younger son, Karl, who reminded her of her brother. Lizzie (the old lady) speaks about life in Dresden before the war, and even after it. She also tells them the story about the strange, magnificent elephant in her garden.

Quotes:

“That was the only way of keeping our hopes alive, by looking beyond all we were seeing around us, and the shadow of disaster that hung over us.” - 

“I think I have always had a strong sense of justice, of fair play, of what is right and what is wrong.” - 

“Our home should be an oasis of peace and harmony for us in a troubled world.” - Lizzie (Quoting Papi)

10.

This book is pro-blm and it's ahead of its time (by like 2 years but still). 

Summary:

Sixteen-year-old Starr Carter moves between two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she lives and the fancy suburban prep school she attends. The uneasy balance between these worlds is shattered when Starr witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood best friend Khalil at the hands of a police officer. via: https://socialjusticebooks.org/the-hate-u-give/#:~:text=Sixteen%2Dyear%2Dold%20Starr%20Carter,hands%20of%20a%20police%20officer.

Quotes:

“Sometimes you can do everything right and things will still go wrong. The key is to never stop doing right.” - Lisa

“Daddy once told me there’s a rage passed down to every black man from his ancestors, born the moment they couldn’t stop the slave masters from hurting their families. Daddy also said there’s nothing more dangerous than when that rage is activated.” - Starr

“Everybody wants to talk about how Khalil died,” I say. “But this isn’t about how Khalil died. It’s about the fact that he lived. His life mattered. Khalil lived!” I look at the cops again. “You hear me? Khalil lived!” - Starr

[ghost-bat-gamer]

WARNING! Three Caballeros Spoilers (And long text) ahead!!!

Legend Of The Three Caballeros is a new Disney Series based off of the film and comics of The Three Caballeros. It is really hard to find anywhere, but I highly recommend you watch it. There are quite a few similarities and differences from the new series and the 1944 movie. I will pinpoint and analyse noteworthy parts I have noticed when comparing the two. First of all, in case you know nothing on the subject, I will give a summary of Disney’s The Three Caballeros.

The Three Caballeros was originally a film to make good will and intentions through the “good neighbor policy”  with South America during  late WWII. The film mixed techniques of live-action and animation.

Yaya was played by the actress Aurora Miranda. It featured the classic voice talents of: Clarence Nash,(Voice actor and impressionist that is known for his duck impression,inspiring Disney to make him Donald Duck’s voice actor) José Oliveira (Voices José Carioca)  Joaquin Garay (Voices Panchito Pistoles)

 The synopsis of the film: It is Donald Duck’s birthday. Donald Duck receives a package that contains a film reel. In the reel the narrator talks about  stories of exotic birds and penguins around the world. The film most certainly comes to life. A second box appears, and like Saludos Amigos, ( José’s first appearance where he becomes acquainted with Donald duck,) José’ once again bursts out of the present, merry to see his friend again. José, a song  later takes Donald to Bahia, “land of romance” in a story book, where they pass by Yaya, a sweet-maker. Donald falls in love for the Quindins of Yaya. Later Donald and José pop back to normal size and open more presents. In one, there is Panchito. Panchito takes them and lets Donald discover the traditions and history behind the Mexican flag, Pinata, Navidad, and more. More women and dance scenes later, Donald finds himself in the middle of a huge and happy celebration!

Character explanation, film:

Donald Duck (Love-able and mischievous, Donald Duck’s bad luck and irritability is well known.) He first starred in The Little Wise Hen back on June 9, 1934. Both June 9 and Friday the 13th(on account of his bad luck) are considered his birthday. In the film, it is unclear if this is pre-Daisy Duck dating, but most likely because of Donald’s disposition with the women in the film, and since Daisy duck is not in it. He has an “all american” attitude and can be quite arrogant.

José Carioca: A”Dapper  Brazilian Parrot” who was based off of a parrot Walt Disney saw on his Brazilian trip. He first appeared in Saludos Amigos. He is quite well dressed in a suit and bowtie with a hat and an umbrella to go with it. Many gags are performed with the umbrella, including using it as a flute, cane, or to propel one forward. He is polite and always outdoes Donald. He keeps calm and charms most people.

Panchito Pistoles: Eccentric and lively, Panchito is a Mexican rooster who is fun to be around! He has spare sombreros for his friends, and has quite the voice. In the film he has a red/pink-ish suit and a belt with gun holsters. He is a little trigger-happy. He has spurs on the back of his feet, and likes to show off.

All together, they make the musical trio, The Three Caballeros.

Analysing the Film: All together, they are a gay trio. “Gay mostly as in happy.”

There are many scenes that poke fun at homosexuality however, such as when Donald was trying to kiss one of the girls while blindfolded, but accidently ended up smooching Jose, whom laughed it off and removed the blindfold. Donald tried to get away, but was pulled in by Jose’s umbrella, where Panchito, Jose, and Donald took off. The Three Caballeros also danced together a lot.

 They also like to make each other jealous. Being roughly either the “Three gentlemen” or Knights, in many cartoons they make it almost a competition to be overly nice to others. In an episode of Mickey And The Roadster Racers, Panchito is impressed by Donald’s Daisy. He goes to kiss her hand but Jose speeds over to her and does it before he can. They obviously like to make each other jealous when being polite.

Panchito is an overwhelming hugger and handshaker. He can tend to be a little extreme.

Although Donald may be grumpy, he’d do anything to keep his amigos happy.

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode 1: Dope-A-Cabana Notes (WOW I GET THE TITLE) Copeacabanaaaaa-um THen ONWARDS!

In the first episode, it is Friday the 13th, Donald’s Birthday. He makes himself breakfast in house house and as usual, it ends up on his face.  Contradictory to Ducktales, Donald works at a barber shop, lives in a normal house, and doesn’t raise his nephews, despite as seen later still to have lived in Duckburg. Donald Duck is later fired, and his house burns down (Due to a left on kettle. He gets mad with the classic red face, streaming kettle noises, and steam out his ear bit) With no place to go, he receives a fortunate later that he has an inheritance to a building in New Quackmore: Where the elite live, where he mistakes his high-strung antagonist of a neighbor, Baron Von Sheldgoose’s house for his house. Donald finally finds the shack, which is rundownto say the least. His “lawyer”? Meets them there. Jose gets there via bus and ( Different from the three caballeros film), they do not know each other. Jose continues to charm the lawyer and makes Donald uncomfortable. THEN PANCHITO ROMERO MIGUEL JUNIPERO FRANCISCO QUINTERO GONZALEZ THE THIRD FALLS OUT OF AN AIRPLANE. SPLAT. He once again uses his impressive name from the family episode of House of Mouse. He shakes Jose’s and Donald’s hands simultaneously and overeccageratedly, the same gag in the original Three Caballeros. In this one, the Aracuan bird, (In the film as a crazy, “Pretty stupid fellow”) In this, he cannot be ever fired in the contract as the cabana’s caretaker. He has the nickname Ari. Still a bit of a kook, but less of an annoyance, for now. He never speaks more than shrieks, destroys everything that he touches, and is horrible at his job. But at least he carries a nice tool belt. All three were entitled to the shack. In the will of Clinton Coot, It states that the shack and its possessions go to Donald Duck, and the rest of the descendents of THE three caballeros. Looking around, they find a slew of valuable ancient artifacts, and decide it shall be sold in a yard sale. (That none of the people around seem interested in) (April, May, and June duck, Daisy’s nieces, are invited to sell stuff by Donald. His bored nieces tell Donald that Daisy still isn’t happy with him for not picking her up) (HIS HOUSE WAS BURNT DOWN GIVE EM A BREAK) (Another difference, April, May, June, and Daisy are in this Three Caballeros. THAT will be certainly different. When trying to shuffle his nieces of to work, he confuses their names.) The yard sale is a bust. Once Baron Von Sheldgoose discovers this, he is outraged and tries to shut the operation down, until he stumbles upon a seemingly important and probably magical ring the matches his accessory. He is instantly coy and secretly tries to (trick) buy the whole yard of stuff, most likely including the cabana for 1 MILLION DOLLARS, which instantly sends The three searching for a golden jewel encrusted book that Sheldgoose requires for the transaction. (Another trick for power) Panchito finds it inside when the three eagerly were searching. After the assistance of Ari, The lock is popped open and the book sparks, floats, and glows. The Three Caballeros cower behind a table as an intimidating women(Azula?) wearing the clothes that represent a warrior pops out of the book. She wields a golden bow and arrow, aimed at them; saying “Say your prayers, mortals. “ and leaving us all with a cliffhanger. (GULP)

MAJOR DIFFERENCES FROM THE FILM AND THE SERIES are:

The Three Caballeros don’t know each other!? So now there is an alternate story to how they met/know each other!

They live together?! Won’t they all miss home? Awww.

Where does Ari stay? Probably with them lol. He MIGHT BE THEIR  ACTUAL FRIEND??? Okay, that’s crazy.

So:

Film: Musical-Comedy with live action and animation. A lighthearted and educational trip in South America.

Series: AN ACTION PACKED MYSTERY AND ADVENTURE AROUND THE WORLD!!!!! WOO!!!

Personally, I love both equally. And each holds a special place in my heart.

Thank you and sorry for reading all of this, and if you want me to write and analyse more, Please like, reblog, and or comment so I know!

~BattyGamer

[yasbxxgie]

Guillermo del Toro's highly personal monster film 'The Shape of Water' speaks to 'what I feel as an immigrant'

Throughout his career, Guillermo del Toro has bounced between large-scale studio films like “Pacific Rim” and “Hellboy” and smaller, more idiosyncratic ones, like “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “The Devil’s Backbone.” His latest movie, “The Shape of Water” — the story of a mute janitor (Sally Hawkins) who falls in love with an aquatic humanoid creature being held captive in a secret government laboratory during the Cold War — is, perhaps needless to say, one of the latter. It’s also being hailed as one of his best.

Building on the raves it earned in its premiere at the Venice Film Festival, the movie — a fable of improbable love in the face of fear and intolerance — drew cheers at its first North American screening Saturday at the Telluride Film Festival. It will play the Toronto International Film Festival next, before opening Dec. 8, in the thick of awards season.

The morning after the Telluride bow, The Times sat down with del Toro to talk about what inspired his surreal adult fairy tale and why its fantastical, period-set beauty-and-the-beast story is all too relevant in today’s real world.

* * *

Your friend and fellow director Alejandro Iñárritu has said that he thinks “The Shape of Water” is your most personal movie. Do you agree?

It’s the movie that I like the most. It’s this one, then “The Devil’s Backbone,” then “Pan’s Labyrinth,” then “Crimson Peak,” and so on and so forth. That’s the order for me — it doesn’t mean people have to agree. It’s sort of the aim-and-target quotient for a filmmaker — did it land where I wanted it? This landed exactly where I wanted it.

But “most personal” also suggests that, of all the films you’ve done, there’s the most of you in this one.

There is the most of me. Most of the time — in “Pan’s Labyrinth” or “Devil’s Backbone” — I’m talking about my childhood. Here, I’m talking about me with adult concerns. Cinema. Love. The idea of otherness being seen as the enemy. What I feel as an immigrant. What I feel is an ugly undercurrent not in the past — not in the origins of fascism — but now.

It is a movie that talks about the present for me. Even if it’s set in 1962, it talks about me now.

That era is often depicted through a nostalgic prism as somehow being the good old days. But this movie paints a very different picture, bringing out the undercurrent of fear and intolerance.

I think when people say “Make America Great Again,” they’re thinking of that America, which actually never ended up really crystallizing. If you were a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant, then things were great. You had jet-fin cars, super-fast kitchens. But everyone else didn’t have it so good. And the creature sort of represents everybody else.

Obviously the world has changed dramatically since you were shooting this film. I can’t imagine you could anticipate the way those themes would resonate ...

I did. And the reason why is that I’m Mexican. I’ve been going through immigration all my life, and I’ve been stopped for traffic violations by cops and they get much more curious about me than the regular guy. The moment they hear my accent, things get a little deeper.

I know it sounds kind of glib, but honestly, what we are living I saw brewing through the Obama era and the Clinton era. It was there. The fact that we got diagnosed with a tumor doesn't mean the cancer started now.

Hopefully one of the things the movie shows is that from 1962 to now, we’ve taken baby steps — and a lot of them not everyone takes. The thing that is inherent in social control is fear. The way they control a population is by pointing at somebody else — whether they’re gay, Mexican, Jewish, black — and saying, “They are different than you. They’re the reason you’re in the shape you’re in. You’re not responsible.” And when they exonerate you through vilifying and demonizing someone else, they control you.

I think the movie says that there are so many more reasons to love than to hate. I know you sound a lot smarter when you’re skeptical and a cynic, but I don’t care.

Going back to the beginning, what was the initial germ of this movie?

I’ve had this movie in my head since I was 6, not as a story but as an idea. When I saw the creature swimming under Julie Adams [in 1954’s “The Creature from the Black Lagoon”], I thought three things: I thought, “Hubba-hubba.” I thought, “This is the most poetic thing I’ll ever see.” I was overwhelmed by the beauty. And the third thing I thought is, “I hope they end up together.”

I kind of doubt that’s what most 6-year-olds were thinking.

No, I’m a weird one.

Is there part of you that feels like, as soon as there’s a monster or any fantasy or genre element in a movie, it automatically gets put in a box and isn’t taken seriously?

Oh, for sure. But that would be important if I cared — but I don’t.

Look, I’ve been doing this for 25 years. If I thought it was not the route to go, I would have changed. To me, the genre is my Campbell’s Soup can if I was [Andy] Warhol, or my comic book vignette if I was [Roy] Lichtenstein.

We forget that the primal motor of storytelling is fable and parable. I don’t come at it from an illiterate or a pop point of view. I come at it with every literary tool I can, every artistic tool I can. I truly try to create beauty and reflection and all of that as conscientiously and judiciously and minutely as I can. And then it’s up to people.

But you’re not on a mission to change the way people see genre?

No, I can’t. I know that what I saw when I was a kid had redemptive powers. Some people find Jesus. I found Frankenstein. And the reason I’m alive and articulate and semi-sane is monsters. It’s not an affectation. It’s completely spiritually real to me. And I’m not going to change.

This movie has a real spirit of innocence and old-fashioned romance, but at the same time, there are aspects that are very adult and sometimes jarring. The first time we see Sally Hawkins’ character, for example, she is masturbating.

Well, to me, there is no perversion in sex if you’re not perverse. You can do whatever you want and as long as you do it in the most beautiful way, it doesn’t matter. A woman masturbating makes it clear to you that this is not your regular Disney princess.

The movie is in love with love and in love with cinema. Sex, violence — whatever it is — the spirit of the movie is so gentle. I wouldn’t recommend it for kids, but for adolescents, it’s a beautiful movie. It’s sort of liberating.

And because you were making it on a budget of under $20 million, no one told you, “Let’s make this safer and more broadly appealing”?

Never. That was the point. The reason why the exercise of cramming a $60-million movie into a $19.5-million budget is worth it is that you get the freedom. I think that money takes freedom away. More money, less freedom.

So as you go on, are you finding yourself pulled more away from the part of the business where there are those kinds of money pressures? If you were approached to direct a tentpole that had to be a huge, four-quadrant blockbuster, like a mainstream superhero movie or a Star Wars movie ...

If I choose a franchise of that size, I try to make sure that we’re aligned — and if we’re not, I walk away.

I have been offered massive stuff, and I’ve turned it down. Why? Because, A, I live a very sort of simple life. I dress like [garbage], I drive a 4-year-old car, I spend all my money on rubber monsters. So I’m OK [laughs]. And also I have this idea that if you do movies for any other reason than the stories, you’re screwed. It means something just gave in.

Photographs:

Sally Hawkins, left, and Octavia Spencer

Sally Hawkins is Eliza Esposito

Michael Shannon portrays Strickland and Michael Stuhlbarg is Hoffstetler

[unqueenlybiscuits]

Ain't no pie like mah mather's chicken parm.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)  (IN GERMAN ACCENT) What's up? I'm Brüno.  (LAUGHING)  I live in Austria's coolest city, Vienna.No big deal. Whatever.  I am the host of Funkyzeit,  the most important TV fashion showin any German-speaking country,  apart from Germany.  Funkyzeit is über influential.  In fact, Austrian fashionistas live their livesaccording to my "In or Out" list.  In! Autism.  Aus. Chlamydia.  Why is autism so cool at the moment?  - Because it's funny.- Great.  BRÜNO: Through Funkyzeit,ich have done interviews  mit everyone in the Euro-fashion world.  Can you look into this camera and just say,  "You're watching Funkyzeit mit Brüno"?  You are watching Funkyzeit programmewith Brüno, and it's really a great show.  Yeah, that's cool. Can you do it, like,even more like a kind of black guy?  You know, like an afrikanischer...  - Like this?- Yeah, yeah, yeah.  You are watchingFunkyzeit programme with Brüno.  Yo, man. Fuck, man. Welcome to the jungle.  Something maybe a bit more crazy.  Maybe show a bit of skinor something like that.  - No, I don't think so.- Or what about just like one Kugelsack?  One of the balls?  No.  And the most excitingand amazing thing in the town,  from the fashion streets of Milan,only for the German girls, my great hairs.  Yo, man.  Modelling, a lot of people think it's easy.  But it's the hardest job in the world, isn't it?  It's very hard. Standing in heels all day,and everyone's watching you,  so you have to make sure your walk is good.And, yeah.  Yeah, it's really hard,'cause you've gotta remember, like,  to put your right leg forwardand then put your left leg forward  and then, like, which one now?  Right leg again, and then, like, the left one.And then sometimes you even have to turn.  Yeah. And especially the turn. It's so scary.  BRÜNO: Being the host from Funkyzeit  means Brüno's alwaysseated on the front row.  Hi. How are you?  You have to lose some weight.  - The kettle is calling the pot black.- Oh, yeah?  Put your shoulders back.This is a fashion show, not a slave auction.  BRÜNO: Mein personal assistant,Kookus, is my rock.  He's also mein stylist.  - Do you think the glasses are too much?- Yeah, I'd lose them.  They're too much like, "Look at me.  "Hey, everybody, look at me.Look at my glasses."  - Yeah.- "Everybody, like, stare at my glasses."  BRÜNO: He's also my nutritionist.  (RETCHING)  Yeah, that is good.  BRÜNO: I have a second assistant,but ich can't remember its name.  Brüno has known true love twice in his life.  Once, for seven minutes with Millifrom Milli und Vanilli. No big deal. Whatever.  But for the last nine years,ich have been head über heels in love  mit a pygmy flight attendant called Diesel.  We're just like an ordinary couple,you know, boring, stay-at-home types.  (GROANS)  (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)  - Oh, my God. I feel it. You're getting so big.- (MOANING) Ja.  (LAUGHING)  DIESEL: Ooh!  - How much do you want?- Just half a glass. Otherwise I get too giggly.  BRÜNO: In September 2008,I left for Milan Fashion Week  to shoot a new season of Funkyzeit.  Brüno had backstage access forthe hottest show of the week, de la Prada.  So I wore the jewel of mein wardrobe,a suit made entirely out of Velcro.  (PEOPLE CHATTERING)  I'm wearing this.  This is a prototype.It's a Velcro suit made by Frederic Worms.  - Wow.- Pretty cool, right?  It is. I was looking at it, and can I have one?  - Well, it's a prototype. It's a one-off.- Okay.  - Thank you.- Yeah. Okay...  - Also... Yeah.- Can you go out, please?  We'll get out, but don't push me.  Yeah. Okay, no listen.We haven't finished the thing.  - You go out now.- Yeah.  Yeah, wait a second.  Take... Get this off...  Stop!  (PEOPLE CLAMOURING)  - Thank you.- Can someone help this guy?  Can you take...  (CROWD MURMURING)  BRÜNO: Wait. Get me out of this.Get me out of this.  (CROWD BOOING)  BRÜNO: Brüno was aus.  For the second time in a century,  the world had turnedon Austria's greatest man  just because he was brave enoughto try something new.  - No.- Okay.  BRÜNO: Brüno was schwarz-listed.  - I'm on the front row.- I don't think so.  (MALE GUARD SPEAKING)  I'm sorry.  BRÜNO: Und worst of all...  Hello?  (MAN CHATTERS ON PHONE)  ...ich was fired from Funkyzeit.  Ich realised that night that the fashion worldwas superficial und vacuous.  So, I decided instead to go to Los Angelesto become a celebrity.  Ich was going to bethe biggest Austrian superstar since Hitler.  What? I'm not coming.  - Why not?- Because you out. You humiliate me.  - I'm so sorry I humiliate you.- Okay. Gotta go.  Bye, baby, I love you.  Diesel, I love you. Diesel.  (BLOWING NOSE)  (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)  BRÜNO: Ich arrived in LA  und cunningly avoidedbeing snapped by the waiting paparazzi.  BRÜNO: No photos, please.Do you want another Diana on your hands?  BRÜNO: Mein Plan was to become  the biggest gay movie starsince Schwarzenegger.  Maximum Santzgaut!  Also, ich headed to my first meetingmit a Hollywood über agent.  So my name's Brüno.I was born in Klagenfurt.  I'm 19 years old. And, of course,you'll know me as the host of Funkyzeit.  Okay. Well, I understandthat you took a look at a side  that I wanted you to think aboutfrom the Jerry Maguire show.  And I wouldn't mindhearing you try that out.  Okay, great.  - "Jerry enters."- No.  - "Dorothy seated."- Just start with the word "hello."  "Hello. Hello.  "I'm looking for my wife!  - "Shut up, women." That was improvisation.- Fine.  "I couldn't hear your voiceor laugh about it with you."  (LAUGHING)  - All right, let me stop... Wait.- No, wait, wait. I...  Let me stop for two minutes.Let me stop you right there.  Nowhere in the script does it say  he pauses for an inordinate period of time.  You're here becauseyou are looking to do feature films.  I wanna be a star.  - In?- In a huge Hollywood movie.  - Can you make that happen?- No.  - What?- I definitely cannot.  BRÜNO: But he did get me a starring rolein a top TVshow as an extra.  DIRECTOR 1: All right, picture's next.Last looks, please.  (SIGHS)  CREW MEMBER: Set.  DIRECTOR 1: Background.DIRECTOR 2: Action.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,  it gives me no pleasure at allto speak to you this afternoon.  (BRÜNO CLICKING TONGUE)  The defendant, as you know,  has served our municipalityfor more than 12 years as city controller.  So I was pained to learn that his debts  compelled him to accepthundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes.  - DIRECTOR 1: Cut!- (WHISPERING) Just do a little bit less.  - More or less?- Less.  - Less. Okay.- Yeah.  (WHISPERING) Sure. Thank you.  (CLEARS THROAT)  CREW MEMBER: Set.DIRECTOR 2: Action.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,  I'm afraid it gives me no pleasure at allto speak to you this afternoon.  As you know, the defendant hasserved our municipality as city controller  for more than 12 years,  and I have known him personallyfor most of that time.  So I was very pained to learn that  his personal debtscompelled him to accept bribes.  - DIRECTOR 1: Cut!- Here, I'll take that.  - Okay.- Thank you.  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  BRÜNO: Sorry.  DIRECTOR 1: Should we just go again?DIRECTOR 2: Okay.  (SIGHS)  As you know, the defendant  has served this municipalityas city controller for more than 12 years,  and I have personally known himfor most of that time.  That is why I was very pained to learn...  Cut. Sorry, I'm not feeling this one.Could we go again?  This way.  (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  You were actually my second choice.  I was going to go to the salon that maintainsSalma Hayek's inner thighs,  but the team that do it were booked upfor the next four days  because she's got the Elle Style Awards.  And they said they're, like, really,really exhausted after they do her.  They're exhaustedafter they wax Salma Hayek?  She must have a lot of hair.  They say that after a waxing,there's enough to stuff a mattress.  Well. Speaking of rectums,let's get you clean.  - Okay. There we go.- There's not much.  Yeah, sure.  (RIPS)  There you go. Now there's wax in there.  (CELL PHONE RINGING)  Telephone.  - Hello?- Hey, how you doing, man?  Lloyd, hi. How are you?  I just got off the phone with the network.They've agreed to do a screening.  Great! Das is all maximum Santzgaut!  In two days. I got them to payfor a focus group for the show.  I think you just scraped my anus.  WAXER: I did. I got you clean.  BRÜNO: My stinker is slightly burning.Is that normal?  What?  No, that was to the lady who is...I'm in the salon, yes.  She's just washing my Arschwitz.  LLO YD: Is there any way we can getsomething together enough to put it on?  - Okay, sure.- All right. I'm gonna call them right now.  Are you using Vaseline?  WAXER: No, lotion.  BRÜNO: Could you take your fingerout of my Arschenholer?  All right. I think, guys, we're finished.  Once again, "Can you take my finger,your finger out of my ass,"  is what the guy just said on the phone.  No, Lloyd, I was not speaking to you.I was just talking to the woman here.  Who's got the audio?  I want to hear the audio back.I want you to hear...  I want you to hear what this fool is saying.  Play it back. Talking about what?His asshole.  (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)  (BRÜNO SPEAKING)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (HUSHING IN GERMAN)  Can you be quiet?  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  Hello, hello. Hey, can you come in?  Do any of you guyswant to make some more money?  (WHISTLES)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  - Hi. How are you?- Hi.  - I'm Brüno. Great to have you here.- It's nice to meet you.  Come and sit on our great furniture.  These are our Mexican chair people.  Demi Moore has two of them in her house.  Yeah, if you sit here.  If you sit on that one.  Also, so tell me aboutyour humanitarian work.  How important is it for youto help other people?  It's like the air that I breatheand the water that I drink.  - Please, have some water.- It is extremely, extremely important for me.  You give love to other peopleand you get love back in spades.  And I just feel like that's been my life.  Great. You must be hungry.Let's bring in some food.  Oh, my God.  BRÜNO: Have some.ABDUL: Yeah, this is really bad for me.  I'm sorry. This is really not good.  We're leaving.  BRÜNO: Come back, please.Can you please come back?  LUTZ: Yes, yes, I understand.But I was thinking...  Okay, but... Okay. Okay. Okay.  Yes. Thank you.  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SIGHS) Minimum Santzgaut.  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  Puffy Vater?  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  Reese Witterspinzel?  Stevie Wunderbar?  Wilhelm Schmidt?  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  Bradolf Pittler?  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  I think this focus group is really gonna be  a very interesting exampleof how it's gonna play out.  I actually got an interview mit Harrison Ford.  - Very good. Very good.- Yes.  So, you probably already know, todaywe're going to be looking at a new TV show,  A-List Celebrity Max Out mit Brüno.  - Howdy, I'm Lloyd Robinson.- Lloyd, Denny Bond.  Hi. Hi. Great.  Me und Lloyd, we haven't actually spokesince the other day  when I was getting my anus bleached.  (ALL LAUGHING)  We won't go there, please.  - We won't go there. Yeah.- That was a very  difficult issue on the phone.  And it's very importantwhat scores you give it,  because if the show scores over an 85º%,  the network's obviouslygonna be very interested. So take a look.  - Absolutely.- Congratulations.  BRÜNO ON TV: Who's ready to max outwith loads of celebrities? I am.  Because das ist A-List Celebrity Max Out.  (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)  - BRÜNO ON TV: How are you?- Great. Thank you for having me.  Okay, so this is the part of the show,  it's called Future Kinder.People who are pregnant,  we've managed to get the ultrasound photos.  - It's totally great.- Okay.  - What's her name?- Jamie Lynn.  Jamie Lynn Spears.I mean, is she a celebrity?  No.  (LAUGHING)  Okay, let's seewhat she's got in her stomach.  All right. What do you think there?Is that a white-trash foetus?  Yeah. Totally.  She's got her arms up like she's a A-lister.  Newsflash, you're in a C-lister's womb.Am I right?  Worse. I think, like, D.  Do you think this kid is retarded?  Definitely the hands look way too big,  and the ears, like,have not been developed yet.  - Yeah, so keep it or abort it?- Abort it.  (SIGHS)  Und now, my exclusive interviewmit Harrison Ford  is only moments away.But first, some more dancing mit Brüno.  (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)  That's right.It's the time you've all been waiting for.  It's my one-on-one,exclusive interview mit Harrison Ford.  - Also, here I am mit Harrison Ford.- Fuck off!  (LAUGHING)  What's that?  (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)  That's actually mine.  - More champagne?- No, I'm fine, thanks.  Brüno!  The end bit was Lloyd's idea.  The last bit was? Lloyd's?  So if you coulddescribe this show in one sentence...  Can anybody give me one sentence?  - Go ahead.- The worst piece of crap I have ever seen.  There's always one who's against it. Those...  In any group, there's always one.  What sick human being came upwith something like this?  Well, there's always two.There's always two.  I wanted to poke my eyes outwith hot needles.  You'd have to borrow the needles from me.  Lloyd, we need to distract him  - from listening to this.- You can't. You can't.  - We need to distract him.- You can't.  - Kiss me.- No.  No logical personwould consider a show like this  unless they hadsome sort of a mental or moral defect.  WOMAN: Everything.  Oh, my God.  BRÜNO: Let me have a look at those.  "The host is a talentless idiot."  Is this the dancing of a talentless idiot?  - I would say that it is.- MAN: Yeah, yeah.  Please, where you going?  Please, this is my career.I put all my money into this.  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)  I'm here with Congressman Ron Paul,  who was the 2008 presidential candidate.  So tell me, who are you wearing?  Well, I don't even knowbecause it's pretty conventional.  And I'm pretty, in that sense, pretty ordinary.  But the message is not ordinary.  (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)  Sure.  - Do you want some champagne?- I don't care for any. No.  There's no ice bucket,but I know a good place to put it.  (LAUGHS)  Yeah, you were great in there.Have you done a lot of television before?  Well, off and on throughout the years.This last year, a tremendous amount.  - Sure.- I do a lot of them.  Do you want some strawberries  - or maybe some oysters?- No, I'm okay.  I'm gonna light some candles if it's okay.  Really loosens you up.  Has anyone ever told youyou look like Enrique Iglesias?  Of course not. You're much cuter.  (LAUGHS)  I love music.  (DANCE MUSIC PLAYINGON STEREO)  And dancing. I used to be a dancer.  (CLEARS THROAT)  Whoops.  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  - All right! Get out of here!- What?  - All right, this has ended.- BRÜNO: What's going on?  PAUL: That guy is queerer than the blazes.He took his clothes off. Let's get going.  - WOMAN: What happened?- He's queer. He's crazy.  He put a hit on me. He took his clothes off.  BRÜNO: I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul.  How would I become weltfamous?  Ich decided to seek advicefrom the wisest guy I'd ever known.  I wanna speak to Milli  from the pop dance group Milli und Vanilli.  Is he in heaven?And if so, is he in the VIP section there?  He says he's in a placewith green trees and flowers.  Can I ask him if he has any advice for me?  (EXHALES)  He says there's some sort of thing that youwill set up, like a foundation or something,  where there will be other people involvedthat will benefit.  Okay, that's a great idea, 'cause if I do that,then I'll definitely become world famous.  Absolutely.  There's something that he could dothat could make me incredibly happy.  - Can I kiss him now?- Of course.  (SPITS)  (MUMBLING)  (SNORTS)  (GAGGING)  (GROANING)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (PANTS)  Well, good luck with your life.  BRÜNO: Thanks to Milli,ich could now see clearly  despite having an eyeful of Schpunken.  Charity was a great way to become famous.  Also, Brüno just needed to findthe hottest world tragedy to fix.  I want a charity that doesn't involvetoo much effort,  but is gonna really make a difference,you know, really put me into the A-list.  Is there something that you, like,that you believe in?  Well, I'm really into issues.  Yeah. Global warming's only getting worse.  - So...- Great.  Now, I think that would be...That's something to get involved now,  so, we can just help ease the...  Like, after us, in order to help for our future.  In order for everyone... It's justa beneficial thing to be involved with now.  I'm really into doing somethingmaybe for Africa.  - Okay.- Is that still cool or...  Saving some kind of extinct animal.What's going extinct right now?  - I don't know, like elephants or something.- And then make bracelets?  That's so bad. Never mind.I was gonna say make bracelets out of a...  Make bracelets out of the extinct animal?  That's not gonna really work though,because you need the...  You can't take from the extinct animal.  What's the coolest type of charityto get into at the moment?  Save Dafar?  - Save what?- Save Dafar.  - Save Dafar, yeah.- Angelina Jolie.  Is that in, like, Iraqi or something like that?  Yeah, that's in the... It's in... Yeah.  Yeah.  Is there anywhere in the worldthat no celebrity has tried to fix?  Darfur is the big one now.  - Yeah, no, it is.- What's the new one? What's Dar-five?  - Yeah.- Yeah.  BRÜNO: Ich was going to become famousby solving a world problem.  But which one?  Clooney's got Darfur.  Sting's got the Amazon,and Bono's got AIDS.  Luckily, there was still one shitholeleft to fix,  the Middle-earth.  Mein Plan was to get both sides to signa peace deal in front of the world's press,  making Brüno über famous.  Hi, I love your hat. It's great.  (BRÜNO SPEAKING SPANISH)  Hey, great. Is that Marc Jacobs?  (MAN YELLING)  BRÜNO: Lutz! Lutz! Start the car!  Lutz!  Why are you so anti-hummus?  I mean, isn't pita bread the real enemy?  You're confusing Hamaswith hummus, I believe.  - Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.- Do you think  there is a relationbetween Hamas and hummus?  So was the founder of Hamas a chef?  He had created the foodand then got lots of followers.  Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.It's a food. Okay? We eat it. They eat it.  It's vegetarian. It's healthy. It's beans.  Well, do you both agree on that?  We both agree that hummus is very healthy.  So we're making progress.  Let's try and get a solution, right?  'Cause I'm not gonna be here forever.Will you, the Palestinians,  agree to give the pyramids backto the Israelis?  This is in Egypt. Not in Palestine.  I don't care where you put them.Give them back.  This is about gaining somethingfor your own people  whether you believe it,whether you were convinced to do that.  - But in any case...- All right, okay. Take it easy, girlfriend.  - All right.- SELA: Civil rights...  BRÜNO: If I did not get these queens to signa peace deal soon,  I would not become famous.  So I decided to think outsidethe Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung.  I've written a song that I thinkis gonna help us make peace.  In fact, I know it will.  (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)  (SINGING) I've written a song  that I hope is gonna bring you two together  It's time for this war to end  Jews and Hindus, you be friends  This is the Middle East  Creating love is my mission  Don't kill each other  Shoot a Christian  Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace  Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace  Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace  Yeah, a bit more than that.  BRÜNO: Ich was out of options.  My song hadn't worked, und I didn't haveenough ecstasy for everyone.  Ich was ready to give upwhen I suddenly remembered something  that the Jude had said.  SELA: In the last few years,people were kidnapped,  and then they wouldbroadcast it to the whole world.  - To the whole world?- Yeah.  So what, the whole world gets to see  - these hostage videos?- Of course. Of course.  BRÜNO: Ich would become famousby getting kidnapped.  I am going to say somethingthat is gonna get you so angry  that if you've got a gun on you,you're gonna pull it out  - and shoot me in the head. Are you ready?- Yeah.  Your hair is sun damaged.  (MALE TRANSLATORSPEAKING ARABIC)  I'll be honest with you. I want to be famous.  And I want the best guys in the businessto kidnap me. Al-Qaeda is so 2001.  I don't like.  Can I give you guys a word of advice?  Lose the beards, because your King Osama  looks like a kind of dirty wizardor a homeless Santa.  (SPEAKING ARABIC)  (TRANSLATOR SPEAKING ARABIC)  (SPEAKING ARABIC)  TRANSLATOR: Get out. Get out now.  BRÜNO: Ich was encouragedto leave the Middle East.  But Brüno had a new plan.  It involved stopping off in Africa  on the way home for a little bit of shopping.  (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)  (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)  BRÜNO: Mein little afrikanischerFreund was going to get me  on the cover of every magazine.  Also, ich hired a top photographer  und held a casting forthe hottest baby photo shoot ever.  (CAMERA CLICKING)  We're gonna do like this religious theme  where my baby is gonna beon a crucifix playing Jesus  even though my baby's black.So it's pretty cool, no?  That's cool.It's kind of like that Madonna video.  Yeah, it's really edgy.You know, we're turning it on its head.  Why not? Come on. Whatever.  So. We're looking for two thievesto be on the crucifixes next to my baby.  Would you be ready for your babyto be strung up on a crucifix next to mine?  Fine. Yeah, I don't mind herbeing up on a crucifix.  Sure.  Is your baby comfortable with bees,wasps and hornets?  George is comfortable with everything.He's fine.  Is he comfortable with deador dying animals?  Yes.  Great.  Amateur science?  What do you mean by that?  You know, some untrained peopleconducting scientific experiments.  - Should be fine.- You know,  her mixing the pots of acid and that type...  - Okay.- And so it's a yes.  - Yes.- Great.  Is she okay withextremely rapid acceleration?  (LAUGHING) Yes.  - Okay.- Yes.  Does she always have to be in a car seat,or can she just, like, freestyle it?  Yeah. You can freestyle it,put her in a car seat. Whatever.  If it looks better without the car seat...  Of course. Of course.  So what? You're travelling fast.You're not gonna kill it.  Of course. Of course.  Is your baby finewith antiquated heavy machinery?  Yeah, she's fine. She's been around that.  Would she be fine to operate them?  - Yes.- Great.  Is your baby fine with lit phosphorus?  Yes.  Excellent. Does he like it?  - Loves it.- Good.  A little sensitive subject here.How much does she weigh?  She's about 30 pounds.  - Thirty pounds.- Yes. Approximately.  Can Olivia lose 10 pounds in the next week?  In the next week, seven days.  Yeah. I'd have to do whatever I could.  If there's a problem losing the weight,  would you be ready to have Oliviaundergo liposuction?  If that was a last resortand she didn't lose the few pounds,  then, yeah, we'd have to do that.  Great. Fantastisch news.  We have chosen your babyto be dressed as a Nazi officer  pushing a wheelbarrow with another babyas a Jew in it into an oven.  Into an oven?  Congratulations. How do you feel?  - Great, if she got the job. That's great.- Yeah.  (SINGING LULLABY IN GERMAN)  (BOTH SINGING IN GERMAN)  (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  O.J., you're going to be on television.  (RAP MUSIC PLAYINGON HEADPHONES)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (EXCLAIMS)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (HONKS)  Welcome back to Today with Richard Bey.  Now, our next guest is a single parent.Please welcome Brüno.  (AUDIENCE CHEERING)  Where are you from?  I'm from Austria.  Austria. And what are your impressionsof the American people?  You see a lot of them out here.  I gotta say, I love American people,and I love African-American people.  You're the best. You guys are the best.  All right, all right.Now, you are a single parent.  - Yeah.- Most people think that a child  should have two parents.  It is, like, really difficult, you know,  bringing up a child without another parent.Am I right?  - Right.- Right.  I'm hoping that I don't grow old alone.Am I right?  WOMAN 1: True that. True that.  I'm hoping that I find Mr Right. Am I right?  - No!- No!  WOMAN 2: No, no, no, no, no.  Well, honey, you need to get it together.Sugar, you're lost and confused.  - BEY: All right, now...- Listen, you're just jealous  'cause you know I can get any guy here.  WOMAN 3: Go get them!  (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING)  BEY: You brought your son here today?  - BRÜNO: That's right.- Can we see your son?  Yeah, sure.  MAN: No. No.  BEY: All right, this is...  (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING)  - What?- Where did they allow you  to get your baby from?Is your baby from Australia?  I was in the Middle East, like,solving the crisis there.  No big deal. Whatever.  And I flew back here to America,  und I stopped over in this countrycalled Africa, right?  Africa is a continent, not a country, baby.Get it right.  Well, it is full of African-Americans.  It's full of Africans.It's full of people of African descent.  No. That's a racist thing to call them.African-Americans is the right word.  No. African-Americans are here.  (AUDIENCE DISAGREEING)  No, they're calledAfrican-Americans, girlfriend.  No, fool.  BEY: All right. So how did you find your son?  I swapped him.  WOMAN 1: You swapped him?WOMAN 2: What?  (AUDIENCE CHATTERING)  Swapped the baby for what?  - For an iPod.- What?  (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)  Not just any iPod.  One that was, like, limited edition, red.A U2 iPod. Heard of it?  BEY: All right, but wait a second.You are the baby's father now.  And you chose to dress that baby upin a T-shirt that says what?  Gayby.  That's not the baby's name, is it?  No. I gave him, like,a traditional African name.  So what's the baby's name?  O.J.  (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING)  BEY: Stand up, please.  I think you're using him as an accessory.  I think maybe because he's a black babythat might be your cue,  like how some people walk in the parkwith dogs to pick up girls,  that might be your cueto get maybe a down-low brother.  I don't know. What do you think?  I gotta be honest. He's a real dick magnet.  (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING)  You brought some photographsthat you took with the child because...  I guess to demonstratehow much you love the child.  We're going to put them up on this screen.  That's the first shot.  (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)  Let's see the next picture.  You're gonna burn in hell for that one.  That's some mess.  All right. Do we have another photo,or is that the last one?  There we go.  What is going on here?  If I'm having fun,I want little O.J. to come with me.  I want him to have fun with me.  BEY: Hold on. Hold on. What's that?  - What is that?- BRÜNO: Someone's scared.  - BEY: You're making the audience leave.- They are scared of the truth.  Yes, ma'am? Stand up, please. Go ahead.  Listen, I don't see how you can even walkout of here with that baby in your hands  without someone stopping youand taking that baby out of your possession.  All right, well, you know,there is a finale to this talk show.  Please welcome Shatonya Migginsfrom the State Child Services Department.  Take the baby.  What would be the opinion,the legal opinion of the state,  which is empowered to look after childrenand their welfare?  This child is here illegally.  No, it's not. I made a deal with the mother.  And at this time, we're taking the childinto protective custody.  - You are not doing that. You're not taking...- MIGGINS: The child is going...  Get off me. That is my baby.  Give him back! Give me my baby back!  Give me my baby! Give him back!  Come on! Back!  Give me my baby back!  O. J! Give me my baby! Give me my...  Give me my baby! O. J!  O. J!  O. J! Give me my baby back!  You want some pie today?  Yeah. I haven't had any carbs for 15 years,  since I was, you know, four years old.  - Since you was four?- Yeah.  Is that your boy? He's pretty.  BRÜNO: That was my boy.He got taken away today.  I'm so sorry. Gosh. What is he, about two?  I think he was about, I don't know, six or...  - Was he? Was he about that age?- I don't know.  He could've been a midget.So he could have been 10.  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (LUTZ LAUGHS)  (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)  (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)  (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)  (ALARM CLOCK RINGING)  Good morning, cowboy. What's your name?  (MUFFLED) Lutz.  (SCREAMING)  (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (MUMBLES)  (BRÜNO YELLING)  BRÜNO: Get that out of my face.  Move that out of my... No, Lutz.  Hello? Engineering.  Hello, I apologise for the state of the room.  But can I assure you,the toilet is absolutely spotless.  Can you look?The key, I think, is over there, just...  No, I can't do this.  Yeah, Brian, I need you up hereon 20 immediately.  Well, no, it's two guyshandcuffed together on a bed.  And there's some contraptionwith a dildo on the end of it.  And they're asking...They've been staying at the hotel for a while  and wanted to know if I can get the keyfor them because they can't get out of bed.  I'm pretty freaking flipping right now.  (KNOCKING ON DOOR)  BRÜNO: Come in.MANAGER: Can you tell me what's going on?  You were not meant to see this.You find the key, I can get out of this.  Now, can you just look under that shelf...  No. This is not what wassupposed to be going on in here.  You're telling me, honey.  I should be chained to a 6'4" Norwegianwith a PhD in sucking dick.  That's not my concern.  Okay, well, listen, one other thing.  Can you switch off the television?Because I made a fart,  and I am on the verge of buyingMr Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.  That's unfortunate.  No, but I refuse to payfor Mr Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.  I did not press it.  No, I'm afraid we are notgonna be doing that.  Hey, listen, you. What's your name?Hi. What's your name?  - No, don't even talk to me.- You're cute.  You're like a Latino Paul Giamatti.  - Hey, don't talk to me. I'm not talking to you.- Hey, girlfriend.  (POP MUSIC PLAYING)  Also, great. Maybe they can let us out.  Excuse me, can you unlock us? Please.Hello? Can you unlock us?  Please, can you unlock us?  Please. My assistant's about to shiton my balls.  (SIREN WAILING)  What's going on here?  BRÜNO: What does it look like, Paul Blart?  Brüno.  (EXCLAIMS)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (EXHALES)  Brüno.  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (SPEAKING GERMAN)  (THUNDER RUMBLING)  BRÜNO: Ich was at a low point.Brüno had hit rock Arsch.  Lutz had gone, und ich had onlynine Freunds left on MeinSpace.  Lutz! Lutz!  (WHIMPERING)  (YELLS)  BRÜNO: I was about to give upon my dream of celebrity,  when suddenly it hit me.  All the most famous stars in the world,  Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kevin Spacey,they all had one thing in common.  They were all straight.  To become famous,I would have to quit guys.  Ich just needed to finda cock-aholics anonymous.  Things have got to change.I want to become straight.  - Awesome.- Once I'm straight,  can I still play the clarinet?  If it doesn't remind youabout some of the behaviour  that you engaged inwhen you put your lips around it.  If it doesn't remind you of that,then I say go for it  and play the clarinetwith everything inside of you.  If it does remind you of that,then I say put it down,  give it away, let a friend hold ituntil you know in your mind  you're ready to pick it up againand it wouldn't remind you of that.  Und what about ifI put a flute up my stinker?  That... I wouldn't do that either because itwould remind you of the former lifestyle.  So you don't put any woodwindinstruments up your Arschwitz.  - Absolutely not. You know why?- Why?  Because that would harm my body.That would hurt...  - Only if you lose the reed.- Okay.  Well, that would... That would be bad.  Is there any music that I shouldn't listen to?Any bands?  Sinead O'Connor. The Indigo Girls.  Of course, the Village People.  When I become straight,you know, a Kuntmeister,  are there any new hobbiesthat I should take up?  - Do you enjoy hiking? Lifting weights?- Sure.  Man, there's nothing like just working out  and lifting weightsand building your muscles  around some other men who are not gay.  I'm totally irresistible to gay guys.They see me und they want to schtupp me.  - Right.- So how do I protect against those guys?  If they get close to you,hit them and leave the situation.  How do you spot the homosexual?  Very hard to do.  Because some of them don't even dressno different than myself or you.  - Amazing.- You know?  It's kind of like terrorists.  If a terrorist has infiltrateda police department  and he dresses like the policemen,how would you know that's him?  What are obvious thingsthat we can look for?  Obvious is a person that's beingextremely nice to them to start with.  So if someone approaches you in the streetund is being very, very nice to you,  you know that they are a homosexual?  Most likely.  How should I protect myselffrom being attacked by homosexuals?  They probably would attack from behind.  So, again, if I am a homosexual,  and I'm just trying to run in und kiss you...  - Boom! You done moved in the wrong range.- Right.  Let's say the homosexualhas got you on the ground.  Okay.  Und the homosexual, you know,has got you down here.  - Right.- I go to pull this down.  - I want to lock this, lock this leg here.- Touching.  - Yeah.- Hit with the elbow.  Boom. As I roll across.  How do you protect yourself from a dildo?  So let's say I'm trying...  Here, you know.  Like that. You know?  Und disarm the dildo?  Yes.  Is it harder to defend against a black dildo?  - No.- Great.  One is just as easy as the otherto defend against.  - So, I'm attacking.- Boom.  - Like that.- Let's say I go down and I...  Trap it, work the knees. Work the elbows.  How do you defend yourselfagainst the man with two dildos?  Coming in. Here. Boom.  Depending on his range. Boom.Then to his face. Boom.  Okay? Kick around, boom.  (PANTING)  He can't do nothing from there.  And if he's just runningwith his pants down?  Here. Boom. And then to the eyes.  - Homosexual attacking your bum.- Leg here.  And then come in and break his arm.Take it here, take him out.  Break his arms. Boom, break his ribs.Break his arms.  Okay. Thank you very much. Fantastisch.  - Okay.- It's very useful.  That's just totally different thanwhat I've ever tried to, you know, work with.  So you were never gay?  It's ironic that you should haveamazing blow job lips.  Well, these lips were made to praise Jesus.  No, they were made for something else,but you're just not using it for them.  Well...  Are there any activities you suggest  where I'll be surroundedjust by straight guys?  (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)  (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)  LEADER: Let's go! Let's go!ALL: Let's go! Let's go!  (ALL EXCLAIMING)  - Push ups! Sit ups!- Push ups! Sit ups!  - Hurry up. Get in here.- Was?  Make this bed. Hurry up. Make the bed.  But do you have something,maybe a double...  Make the bed!  Could you hold the sheet over there?  I'm not holding anything.  - Get down. Get down.- Was?  I said, get down! Do push ups.  This line right here isa line that you don't cross.  This is TAC Alley. TAC Officer's...  You're in it again. This is my alley.  I don't want to be in your alley.  Yeah, well, get out of it.Your finger's in my alley.  Not yet.  By the way, where's your uniform?Go get your uniform on.  Do it!  Oh, my gosh.  What's up with the scarf?  That is, like, it's my own thing.  Let me introduce you to somebody.Captain Miles.  Candidate, what are you doing?  Stand at the position of attention, candidate.  - Do it! Do it!- Head and eyes straight forward, candidate.  Head and eyes straight forward.Stand still, candidate.  That is not part of the uniform, candidate.You need to take that off.  This outfit is too matchy-matchy as it is,  and so I was just trying to break it upwith some simple horizontal lines.  Do you have an attitude, candidate?Do we detect an attitude?  - Sir, she's got an attitude.- MILES: What?  Sir Officer Candidate,did you just call me "she"?  - Get down, candidate! Now!- Do it!  What type belt is that, candidate?  What is that?  - D&G.- What is D&G?  Dolce und Gabbana. Hello?  - "Hello"?- "Hello"?  - Front in the rest position.- Get down, you!  Sir Officer Candidate,you deserve a medal for exceptional skin.  What are you talking...What are you trying to say, candidate?  Sir Officer Candidate, you could be a generalin the Bitch Army the way you're going.  - Did you use profanity again?- Did you use profanity?  But you're being really nasty.  The OC guide states that I will notuse profanity while I'm at OCS.  Yes, mein Führer. Yes, Officer Candidate.  OFFICER: Hurry up!MAN 1: Hurry up! Let's go!  MAN 2: Yeah, this is mine.MILES: You better help your buddy.  (ALL SHOUTING)  Get out of my TAC Alley.  Get out of my TAC Alley.  - Hurry up! Hurry up!- OFFICER: Move over there!  (ALL YELLING)  (HIGH-PITCHED YELLING)  - Salute!- Salute with your right hand.  OFFICER: Salute with your right hand.  - That's not a salute.- That's not a salute.  OFFICER: That's not a salute.  Can I tell you about the personthat changed my life?  Was it Karl Lagerfeld?  No, actually, his name is Jesus.Jesus is in this room right now.  He never leaves us. He never forsakes us.He's here.  (WHISPERS) Amazing.  That's exactly right. He's amazing.  You want to be famous.You'll be one that's so famous, Brüno,  you will prepare the wayfor other young men all over the world  who want to come out of the homosexuallifestyle and make a change in their lives.  And they'll say, "If Brüno can do it,then I can do it.  "How did he change?How did you change, Brüno?"  And they'll say, "It's Jesus. He changed me."  But he wants to come intoyour heart right now.  Are you ready to make that change?  Are you hitting on me?  No, I'm not.  Okay, good, 'cause I just...That was, like, really hot, that whole speech.  Are there any outdoor activities  that I should doif I want to become straight?  Absolutely.  - Hi.- Hello.  - Mike. Brüno.- Brüno.  Hey. Great.  - I'm Donny.- Brüno.  Robert.  - You ever been hunting?- BRÜNO: I've never killed an animal.  Although, I did oncesuffocate a hamster in Mykonos.  The women, eh? Do you prefer the vaginaor the mammary glands?  - I prefer the vagina.- BRÜNO: Me, too.  I love a woman with a vagina.  Yeah.  My favourite.  Didn't see anything.  We were just talking about vaginas.  About what?  Vaginas. The woman's vagina.  Sharing storiesand saying how much we enjoy them.  Yes.  Really fantastisch.  Really wonderful things.  It's my favourite.  (BRÜNO SCREAMS)  This is wonderful.  This is what rabbit look like.  Look at the four of us.We are so like the Sex and the City girls.  No, we aren't, either.  Which one are you, Donny?  I ain't any one of them. I'm Donny.  That is such a Samantha thing to say.  BRÜNO: I've never beenout of the city before.  You haven't? How's it feel?  I feel a bit vulnerable.  You know, I'm 19 years old,I've got a perfect body.  You know, I really don't want to wake uptomorrow morning und find  that I'm torn in my Arschenholer.  You probably ain't the only one.  Me, either, definitely.  Wow, there's so many stars in the sky.  Full of them.  Makes you think ofall the hot guys in the world.  Do we all share one tentor what's more sensible?  I hope not.  (BRÜNO WHISPERING)  (MIKE SPEAKING)  (MIKE SPEAKING)  (BRÜNO SPEAKING)  (MIKE SPEAKING)  (BRÜNO WHISPERING)  (BRÜNO WHISPERING)  (MIKE SPEAKING)  (BRÜNO SPEAKING)  All right, God damn it.  BRÜNO: Reverend BJ found metoo much of a handful  and put me in touch with one of his chums.  You look decent in that.  Look like a straight guy, how's that?  (LAUGHS)  Women are good for us.  They're good even though  they appear to usto be terribly conventional.  And we find that somewhat irritating  that they complain so much.  - Right.- But we need that.  We need many of the things  that, at first glance,are annoying and irritating.  And women often don't stick to the point.  They're often talking about one thingand then another and then another,  and they never get back to the first pointmaybe ever.  I am repulsed by the ideaof making the sex with a woman.  The important thing is to be around women,  somewhat, that you find tolerableor interesting  and give them a chance to seduce you.  (DOORBELL RINGS)  How did you get into it?  We, actually, our first time was on our...  (ALL LAUGHING)  - Our honeymoon.- Yeah.  Of all nights for us to swing,the first time was for our honeymoon.  Und what is your favourite position?  That would be missionary or reverse cowgirl.  What's reverse cowgirl?  Show me. I'll pretend to be the woman.  Like, I'm sitting here, and...  Yeah, and so, if I'm the woman...Don't worry. Yeah, so what?  You'd be sitting like that,  - and that's called reverse cowgirl.- Right. Right.  And then when you're facing me,that's called cowgirl.  This one here is cowgirl or reverse cowgirl?  This is cowgirl.  And then when you're turnedthe opposite way, it's reverse cowgirl.  Und what other positions are there?  - Power driver.- Right.  Sixty-nine.  But this is the girl's position.  (INHALES DEEPLY)  You don't want to be like thisif you're a guy.  There's missionary, doggy style.  So what's doggy style like?  You'd be bent over, like a dog does it.  Yeah. Like that?  All right,and then what would you be doing?  If you was a woman,I would be humping you.  - No, show me.- (LAUGHING) I'm not gonna show you.  - You're a man.- Don't be a faggot.  (CHUCKLING) Come on. What's the big deal?It's just a couple of guys.  I'd be humping you like that.  Wow, I can't wait to do this to a woman.  (LAUGHS)  (WOMAN MOANING)  Anybody want a sandwich or something?  (MOANING)  Yeah. Great.  Very good. You've got great hair actually.  - Thank you.- Yeah.  (EXHALES) That was great.  - Oh, yeah.- Good boy.  (WOMAN MOANING)  Fuck, yeah.  You're doing a great job.  Thank you.  Come on, Jack, look me in the eyes.  Look me in the eye. You can do this.  (LAUGHS)  Dude.  (MAN LAUGHING)  Why would he look you in the eyeswhen he's looking at a pussy?  - Why would he look you in the eyes?- No, no. Just for concentration.  - He does not look in a guy's...- I don't need you for concentration, okay?  - Look her in the eye.- This is a fucking swingers party. Okay?  If you don't want pussy,if you don't want fucking...  - No, I want...- Then quit fucking touching me  and quit telling meto look at you in the eye. Okay?  I didn't come herefor no fucking queer shit. Okay?  - Me, neither.- Okay.  - Let's keep it at that then.- Cool.  This is a fucking swingers party.Right, guys?  JACK: I see what the fuck you're doing, dude.  - Hi.- JACK: Did he not try to pull  - that queer shit on you out there?- Hi. How you doing?  JACK: I don't need this motherfuckertouching me on the back,  telling me to look himin the fucking eye. Right?  - I was just going to the kitchen.- I know, yeah. Come on.  What's this shit? Let's take this off.  Let's maybe we getto know each other a little.  - I think you broke that, actually.- I don't give a fuck.  Yeah, there is...Let's get to know each other a little bit first.  (EXCLAIMS)  Know each other? What?  You must produce a lot of milk.  I don't want you to do somethingthat you'll regret.  You wake up tomorrow, you've lostyour virginity, and you feel ashamed.  You know, let's take this a little slower.  - We should reschedule.- Sit the fuck down.  Sit the fuck down. Don't fuck around!  No, let's do this the right way.  (BOTH EXHALE)  I go, and I sit down with your father,we talk about this.  - lf he gives his permission...- What?  Would you quit being a little bitch here  and take your little briefs offbefore I fucking rip them?  Wait. Yes.  - Yeah.- Fine.  - Thanks.- Okay. Great.  I don't like this little shit.  Yes, well, I want to really makethis heterosexual sex.  It's going to be fantastisch!  Do as I say. Take that fucking shit off now!  (WHOOPS)  - Don't... You fold them.- (EXCLAIMS) Fuck.  You gotta fold that neatly.You don't treat suede like that. It stains.  Sit the fuck down. Take it off!  I've got an idea.Let's play a little bit of dress-up here.  It will be erotisch.  What is this?You gonna dress me like a man?  No, it's just a beard.  - Am I supposed to wear a beard?- It's just a...  Come on, it will be fun.  I don't need a beard.  Take it off! Now!  Once you put the...  (EXCLAIMING)  - Fuck! Take it off.- Okay. I'm...  - Okay, I'm going to do this.- Right now!  Get on your fucking kneesand suck my spike here, bitch.  Okay. Help!  Don't fuck around!  BRÜNO: Don't call me gay!  I'm gonna become straight.I'm gonna become über straight.  I'm gonna be the straightest manwho's ever lived.  Und then I'll be famous.You'll see. You'll see.  (DISTANT CHEERING)  (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)  (AUDIENCE CHEERING)  What's up, Arkansas?How's everybody doing?  You guys ready to seea little ass kicking tonight?  (AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY)  Make some noise, everybody.Put your hands together. Make some noise  for the host of the brand-new TVshow,Straight Dave's Man Slammin' Maxout.  Give it up for Straight Dave!  (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)  Straight Dave. Straight Dave.  (CHEERING)  (SHOUTING)  Are you ready forsome man-slamming action?  Who's ready foran old-fashioned heterofest?  Are you 100% hetero like me?  Who out there is proud to be straight?  Let me hear you say straight pride.  - Straight pride.- Straight pride.  Straight pride.  - Straight pride.- Straight pride.  I am so straightthat when I bought my house,  the first thing I didwas brick up the back door.  (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)  You know why?Because my asshole's just for shitting.  Let me hear you say that.  - My asshole's just for shitting.- My asshole's just for shitting.  It's great to have an eveningwith straight people.  It's great not to have any fags here.  MAN: You're a faggot!  Who called me a faggot?  Whoever called me a faggot come up here,and I'll beat your Arsch.  Who called Straight Dave a faggot?Come up here.  Let him in.  (AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY)  Who wants to see me beat this fag's ass?  Who wants me to beat this...  Fuck him up!  Get him, motherfucker!  (BOTH GRUNTING)  Beat his fucking ass!  Kick his ass!  (SLOW ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING)  (INAUDIBLE)  (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)  Fucking fag!  - Homo! Queer fags!- Motherfuckers!  (EXCLAIMING)  Stop! Stop!  Get out of my town. You all are sick.  Tell him we don't have no faggots herein Arkansas. Take that shit somewhere else.  You pussy-ass faggot motherfucker!  (SHOUTING)  - Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!- Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!  - Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!- Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!  (SPEAKING MANDARIN)  BRÜNO: The footage went everywhere,und Brüno became über famous.  (CHATTERING)  As for Lutz,we decided to get married in California.  But because of the law,we had to be a bit inventive.  I feel this is the biggest stepyou'll ever make in your lifetime.  - It's a very big moment.- That's right.  Am I going to be able to meet herbefore we actually start?  Sure.  I... I don't marry two men or two women.  If she's a man,then how did it give birth to our son?  You gave birth to a little black child?  (IN FALSETTO) Yes.  When did you have the baby?  I don't even know whyI'm asking that question.  BRÜNO: But even thoughmarriage was a nicht-nicht,  we weren't gonna let it get us down.  We were happy. We had each other.  And we had O.J. back,  although he did cost us a MacBook Pro.  Plus, ich was now so famous  that I was able to recordmein very own charity video.  (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)  I've written a song  that I hope is gonnabring the world together  Put down your guns and bombs  and just make love forever  Okay, then.  He's come to heal the world  and make all nations calmer  I am the Austrian Jesus  He is the white Obama  He's the white Obama  War's just based on hate and fear  Stop fighting, North and South Korea  You're both basically Chinese  And he's Brüno, dove of peace  Hey, yo, Brüno, where the bitches at?  BO TH: You are Brüno, dove of peace  SNOOP DOGG: You do it, fashion modelYou got the cute hos  ALL: You are Brüno, dove of peace  (SNIFFS)  You know, I love black guys.I'm a chocoholic.  ALL: Du bist Brüno, dove of peace  Brüno wants peace.  Either we gonna have peace,or we gonna have motherfucking war.  I have a dream for the Third World  Clean water, food and teaching  In every village and every town  a place for anal bleaching  We need to rid the world of hunger  I'm like Bono, except much younger  He's only  Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace  Hey, hey, he gay, he gay  Okay.  (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

dont mess with the zohan

Special thanks to

SergeiK

.

[kindabraveandlittlestupid]

This is a moral/political concept I been thinking about recently. It’s been in my head for some time and I am not sure if its something I carried over from a philosophy or sociology book I read in the past or an original thought of my own. Likely the former over the latter but I think my argument is sound none the less and wanted to pose it to anyone who comes across these writings during your adventures on the web. Feel free to let me know what you think.

The Intent - Harm - Remorse concept is supposed to be a lens for social statements made by politicians, social figures or even people in your life could be measured. I consider it one of the most important rules of discourse I created for myself in regards to handling anyone in my life or how I handle statements from famous individuals. There are caveats I will get into later which might be important to reflect on but let’s start with the broader concept.

General Concept Any inflammatory statement from the lips of a President, tweet from a celebrity or the joke from a friend in a bar should be measured by three basic steps to dictate how you should react to their statement (in my opinion). The first is always to measure their Intent which is the how or why they are saying this thing. Intent can range from general ignorance, misunderstanding, statement of belief, or even humor. It’s hard to measure which of these is really what was going thru their head but almost always the default escape from the burden of intent is to say it was a joke. Humor serves an important purpose in society but it often acts as an “emergency exit” or social scapegoat for some pretty fucked up comments made by political figures.

The next step is Harm this is also hard to measure and should always be reflective of what is most likely the persons intent. It is impossible these days to say any statement without some group or individual taking offense. This is true for both for Men and Women, Left and Right, Gay or Straight, and literally every other social group you might have. I know the word Snowflake is thrown around a lot these days but the truth is no one is above the sting of a sharp statement (EVERYONE is a ‘Snowflake’). Even if you agree with someone’s beliefs and views they might say something that cuts at you personally for fitting into a different group. The statement that “White Males are the problem” cuts at me personally because I am both white and male but I certainly don’t see myself as the problem. I can take offense to that comment or I can recognize that most people who say that aren’t harping on ALL white males but rather the power structure of modern society which is mostly well old white men. This is just one way of measuring harm but it’s important to be reflective of what is being said and why (intent).

The last step is Remorse. If upon examining a statement if we find their intent came from a place of ignorance, prejudice or even immoral belief with a measured harm to a person or people then it is not unfair to demand an apology. We are all accountable for what we say and what we believe. Remorse is a hard thing to come by as there a handful of modern options to feign remorse and make people believe it is authentic. There is the Public Statement often well-orchestrated letter read from a podium to a dozen cameras often favored by Politicians, the Hibernation in which that person disappears to resort to ‘receive help’ but it is really keeping their head down until social attention shifts elsewhere, or Denial which is becoming a quick favorite for the Trump Administration which suggests whatever evidence you have is wrong or never happened. Truth is we decide if that remorse is authentic or not. There are people who have said things that were misinterpreted and had no real harm factor but they still decided to make the step to apologize and clarify their views. This step is essential for discourse as forgiveness for honest/sincere apologies is needed for reconciliation. We have all said things in anger, misunderstanding or falsely held beliefs but recognizing that we have done wrong and being remorseful of those things should be an avenue back into society.

Reflection on Progressives and Conservatives Believe it or not, both sides fail at recognizing one of the first two steps for different reasons which has lead to some of the tribalism we see today. It should be noted I tend to lean strongly into the progressive side of politics which I feel gives me some license to be critical of the PC Culture which has their heart in the right place but poorly executed in their outrage (occasionally).

The Progressive and PC Culture have started to skip step one, which is Intent and solely focus their attention on step two, Harm. This is why we started to see some social attacks on comedians who often fringe on edgy subjects and are attacked by Progressives for not adhering to these new standards. By ignoring intent we skip over important concepts like discourse, humor, social narratives or even practicality of statements. An example away from comedy is the reaction to Amazons of the Justice League Movies having less armor on during the movie which resulted in an outcry that it was sexualization of women. Upon response those Amazon actresses pointed out A) they liked the armor B) allowed them to be more comfortable while riding horses and performing stunts C) the director was nothing boy respectful to them even with the wardrobe change. It was a skipping the intent going straight to ‘harm’ which is why the conservatives like to point out we cry foul when there was none which they aren’t wrong in those specific cases.

The Conservative and emerging Alt Right Culture fail at recognizing intent, harm, and remorse in their own unique way. Collectively I have noticed two things that make them fail at public discourse. The first is letting the narrative of intent be dictated by individuals who were usually stating beliefs and not humor. The second is a complete disregard to harm UNLESS it affects them specifically. Progressives have a deeper level of empathy these days and are able to put ourselves in the shoes of other people who do not share our culture, gender, sexuality or ethnicity. Which sadly leaves many Conservatives on a low road where decency isn’t a feature of the Republican Party. Trump (as an easy example) has said things about Mexican Immigrants, Gold Star Families, Women, African Americans, and Veterans over the past two years. Each time those two failings appeared after his remark in the Conservative Base. In regards to the intent, they simply say he was joking and in regards to the harm they simply didn’t care his comments marginalized vast groups of people.

You might have noted that remorse was not listed above for Conservatives or Progressives but the truth it both groups fail in the same way on this last aspect. We tend to be only forgiving to those who on ‘our side’ and less forgiving to individuals who are apart from us. I am no different in the sense that if two men said the same horrible thing I am likely to forgive a liberal over a conservative. Its something I am working on and it’s important we try to remain fair, we either forgive both or neither. I have always been an advocate of forgiveness, so long as it’s authentic and there is a real change in the narrative in regards to that offending individual then forgiveness should be available to them.

Caveats While the Intent - Harm - Remorse is a good foundation for measuring public statements or poorly executed jokes. There are other ‘tools’ to help us cut to the core of intent and the harm its caused. The first I might point out is Repetition of Rhetoric which is a good indicator that something might be going on beneath the surface of a person’s views. The use of “Just Kidding” works only for so long before it loses merit and the veil of humor can erode rather fast if you’re not careful. If a stand-up comedian says she loves African Americans but her whole set is about how she is afraid of black men, no matter how much of a laugh she might get for jokes it is not unreasonable to walk away from the experience and feel like something more is going on in her beliefs. Another measure for politicians is Policy; this caveat is easier to measure as if you want to know what a politician really thinks then look at the laws he or she passes. Using Donald Trump again he claims that he fights for low/middle-class workers but his tax plan gives them a small boost in what their tax return while removing child care programs/maternity/healthcare/after school for kids/etc which adds up for way more than what they see on their tax return. A policy is an excellent caveat for finding those offenders who often fall beliefs instead of the rhetoric they display to the public. Closing Using the words of Jim Jefferies “We can all do a little better” and I think it starts by measuring the intent, harm, and remorse by our public figures, friends, family, community and even ourselves. I love to hear your thoughts if you have them.

Regards Michael California