#THIS IS ALL I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT FOREVER AND EVER
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(šā.Ė) ghost of you
šøš·ā®ā [taeyong x reader] ...ąØā”ą§... wc. 1.8k w. death, mention of drunk driving, grief, alcohol consumption, lmk if you find any more! angst į¶» š š° .į
hey siri! play "ghost of you" by the 5 seconds of summer
january 27th, 2025 - 6:48pm
hey baby, i've been trying to reach you but i'm guessing you fell asleep... anyways, i have to go now, but i'll call you tomorrow, same time as alwaysā¦ i love you and i miss you more than i could even express. youāre my everything, remember that alwaysā¦ iāll talk to you soon, okay? i'm dying to hear your voiceā¦ i love you so much, rest well my love.
january 28th, 2025 - 7:02am
yn? please answer meā¦ your mom just called and i- this is some type of sick joke, isn't it? i refuse to believe it, i know you're just asleep, youāll call me tomorrow, right? please, i justā¦ i need to hear your voice again, i need to know youāre safe. i love you, baby, please be okay, please, please be okay.
january 29th, 2025 - 6:37pm
doyoung called me yesterday. uhm, when the phone rang i thought it was you for a second, i even saw your name on the screenā¦ i guess not sleeping does that to a person. he told me he went to see your mom at your house and that he didnāt want to believe it eitherā¦ we all love you so much, you know, and we miss you even though youāre barely gone... iām going to my superiprās office today, i need to go home to see you one last timeā¦ i love you, youāre forever my everything and i hope you know that.
january 30th, 2025 - 6:34pm
hey, baby. i got back home last nightā¦ everything is just the way you left it. i can still feel you here, i couldnāt even move to your side of the bed. there's a half drunk coffee cup on the table, it has your lipstick on it stillā¦ am i wrong for not wanting to wash it yet? i know itās a little disgusting, but i can't get rid of it, not yet at leastā¦ anyways, iām going to your brotherās house today to check up on him, your mom says he wont talk to anyoneā¦ i hope heāll talk to me. i love you, baby, i miss you.
february 3rd, 2025 - 6:39pm
i dreamt of you last night, it was the first time iāve gotten more than a single hour of sleep since youā¦ since you left. you were there like you have been ever since i met you in that practice room so long ago. you remember that, right? when you dropped hyuck off and i spilled my soda on you? yeah, we were back there. you told me not to worry, that everything is fine. it felt different than it did before, though, because you were crying and holding my face like you do when you try to make things betterā¦ nothing is fine, yn. youāre gone, and a world without you simply cannot be anything but fucking awful.Ā
february 3rd, 2025 - 6:45pm
oh, and i forgot. i went to see hyuck but i didnāt get him to talkā¦ he was on your childhood bed, the one with the pink coversā¦ he hasnāt gotten out of your room for anything but the bathroom, so your parents are very worried. iām gonna try to make it better, okay? iāll help him because i know itās destroying you to watch this from up thereā¦ i love you, always.
february 5th, 2025 - 6:33pm
hey, my love. i just got off the phone with my superiorā¦ he said i can stay home and weāll issue when i can resume my service. i begged him to let me go back, you knowā¦ i need to be okay, i need to be busy so i don't think about you every second of every day; but he said i need to grieve in peace, so now i'm stuck here again. iām staying with doyoung because every time i step foot at our house i feel like iām dying inside, although i told him itās because itās closer to your parents, just in case they need me. i know he knows the truth, but i have to be strong, you know? they all lost you too. i love you, ill talk to you soon.
february 7th, 2025 - 3:56am
why did you have to leave me, yn? why did you decide to walk when you knew hyuck could take you to work? why on earth did you do that? iām so mad, not only at you, but at everything. iām mad because you shouldnāt have walked, iām mad because some fucking asshole decided to drunk drive at five in the fucking afternoon. iām mad because i wasnāt thereā¦ i shouldāve been there to push you out of the way and then maybe it would be you sitting here at home feeling like nothing makes any sense anymore. you should be here, with me, dancing around the kitchen like we always did when we got drunk. now iām dancing with a fucking ghostā¦ i love you so much, but iām so fucking mad at the world for making you leave me.
february 7th, 2025 - 6:47pm
hey angelā¦ uhm, iām sorry for this morning, i was really drunk and everything kind of came crashing down on meā¦ iām cleaning up right now because i left a mess when i came back. i shattered the coffee cup and your lipstick is gone, which made me cry like a fucking babyā¦ i also found my old zeppelin shirt, the one you stole the first night you ever slept over. i remember you sent me a picture of you wearing it the day of the accident, itās even my wallpaper stillā¦ but yeah, i miss you, baby, and iām not mad at you.
february 20th, 2025 - 6:32pm
hi baby, sorry i havenāt reached out in so long, iāve been busy trying to get my shit togetherā¦ i talked to your brother today, i finally got him out of the house and we went to the park. we ate those coconut ice creams you liked so much and sat by fred the statue, hyuck cried the entire time. we talked about you, all the happy memories and how fucking funny you were, always cheering us up in our worst momentsā¦ we also talked about the big fight we had when he found out we were dating. remember that? he tried to fist fight me when he was 14 even though i was so much bigger than him. i guess he was right then, though. we were too young and dumb to know things like love. but I know better now, and i have loved you ever since the very first second i saw your pretty face.
march 17th, 2025 - 6:57pm
hello, baby, long time no seeā¦ i just got out of your memorialā¦ your parents asked me to talk because neither of them can bring themselves to, so i did and i don't think iāve ever looked as pathetic in my lifeā¦ i canāt stop crying, even now that itās long overā¦ everyone was here, you know, even sion and them. i think you wouldāve hated it, you always despised seeing people cryā¦ iām taking hyuck to our house tonight. he said he needs to be surrounded by you, so heāll stay with me until weāre both better. you should see him now, how disarmed he isā¦ it scares me a lot, what if i donāt do as good of a job at cheering him up as you wouldāve? i mean, i canāt even get myself to stop feeling like iām being crushed, how the fuck am i supposed to help him?... i donāt know, but i promise iāll figure it out. i love you, ynnie, forever always.
april 27th, 2025 - 6:35pm
hey ynnie, iām back here againā¦ itās been four months since you left, and iām beginning to think it wonāt get better. i thought i was, really, thatās why i stopped calling. but i went out with the guys today, and yuta broke down because he saw your name in his contactsā¦ we all miss you so fucking much, yn. it feels like a huge part of life is missing without you by my side and itās drowning me. i feel like iām holding onto you like an anchor in the middle of the ocean, but i donāt want to let goā¦ i donāt know how to. i miss you every single day; when i walk through the market, when i clean, when i watch tv. youāre fucking everywhere, and i donāt know how to appreciate that yet, it just makes me feel worse than i already do. still, itās not your faultā¦ nothing ever was and now nothing ever will be. i love you, just as much as i always have.Ā
may 16th, 2025 - 6:46pm
hey, my love. uhm, this will be the last message for a while, okay? i started going to the therapist, and he said it might be better for me to find another outlet than this oneā¦ i think he might be right, i donāt know what iāll do the day this number gets reassignedā¦ anyways, i wanted to let you know, even when i know youāre watching me from wherever you are. i love you, yn. i want you to know that even if youāre not here for me to tell you. i love you, i love you, i love you, i will never stop loving you.
january 27th, 2026 - 6:48pm
hey, ynnieā¦ itās been a while, huh? i know youāre probably scolding me from up there for calling this number again after so long, but i need you to understand me on this one. i donāt call with hopes that youāll answer anymore, i gave up on that a long time agoā¦ i found other ways to talk to you, and iām sure you know that because iāve seen the way your star flickers sometimes when i go talk to you every night. everything is better, as you know. haechan is back on his feet, heās touring again with dreamā¦ heās shining again, and i know itās because youāre right by his sideā¦ your parents are better too, your dad is smiling again. everybody's learning how to live without you, even though we hate it so muchā¦ anyways, itās very fitting that you sent that new dance coach today, she kind of reminds me of you. the boyās said the same thing, too. still, sheās not you. and i know thatās not fair, no one could ever be you or even closeā¦ but still, it makes me miss you even more... dancing is starting to make me happy again, though my feet don't dance like they did with you... well, this turned into a pretty long message, iām sorry for that, iāll leave you to it and talk to you tonight, okay? i love you so much, rest well my love.
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blue's corner ;; hey... im sorry ! i wanted to start the year with something special, and taeyong is the answer to everything in my life... i'm also forever in love with 5sos and this song in particular so i hope you enjoyed !! ā
taglist ;; @neozon3nha @winwintea @spacejip @dudekiss3r @yizhrt @lyvhie @morkiee @astrasng @taroddori ā
back to the masterlist. ā
please do not copy, adapt or steal any of the content !!! ā
divider by @roseraris
Ā© peterm4rker, 2025
#lee taeyong#taeyong#nct 127#taeyong x reader#lee taeyong x reader#nct 127 x reader#šøš·ā®āĖ peterm4rkerswrld#šøš·ā®āĖ taeyong#nct#nct dream#nct taeyong#nct u#nct wish#wayv
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NOBODY TALK TO ME.
#IGNORE THE YT BAR THING I'M TOO EXCITED TO CARE#SCREAMING CRYING MY KING HE'S BACK HE'S HOME !!!!!!#AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH#THIS IS ALL I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT FOREVER AND EVER#pho.posts#empires smp#hc s10#smallishbeans#hermitcraft tcg
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I wonder what it is about breaking up with someone and starting new that I find so upsetting. I realize that people also find break ups heartbreaking, but I know I take it to an extreme. I've never liked the idea of having different partners throughout my life. The idea of having an ex has always been something I hated. The type of breakup didn't matter to me. That is to say whether we ended on good or bad terms didn't make the idea of ending a relationship better to me. I'm not trying to be pretentious about it, I'm just being fr about a sentiment I've held for as long as I can remember. I've never been the type of person who enjoyed the idea of hook ups or casual dating. For better or worse, I've always held the belief that romantic relationships should be all in and serious from the beginning.
I think this feeling is definitely exacerbated by the fact that I've been passed up for another person before so I know what it's like to have someone "move on" from you, and it genuinely sucks like all fucking hell lmao. So the idea of "moving on" and being with someone else has been incredibly tarnished for me.
#I've been thinking a lot about my gf and how I thought I'd get my childhood dream#Of my first serious relationship being my ONLY serious relationship#And things are fine with us#But they're JUST fine#I could handle the distance just fine if she was out to her family#And it doesn't sound like she has any plans of ever coming out#I asked her and she gave me a vague answer#And it's like#Bro#It's been 5 years#Surely you can give me something more concrete#Like#I want to be married#Is that ever going to happen?#I'm gonna go visit her soon to get a feel for how things are#But idk#I've been desiring other women a whole lot lately#Like a whole lot#I just miss having the freedom to flirt around#I'm not disloyal but I'm finding myself wondering what I'm being loyal to lmao#A woman who seems determined to not make me a priority?#And it's difficult because she tells everyone else about me#All her friends#A complete stranger was able to recognize me because of how often she posted about me on Snapchat#But I just don't feel like she cares in the way I want her to#I feel like I don't have a future with her#Like our relationship will always have kid gloves#I could talk forever about this
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i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe
#had suchhh a good workday. had hot pot with my roommate where we talked about our quarter life crises#and then came home and had a 3 hour screaming match with both of my parents where i said i was cutting them out of my life#it turns out. my dad still does not understand what the word bi means even tho his fucking wife is bi#he was like 'so you marry someone and six months later you see someone else you like and u go marry them instead?'#like genuinely. truly trying to understand#and that shocked me enough to stop crying#do not reblog please#like in hindsight it is SO funny#and that was the point where i was like. wait is this not malice#this is homophobia but i don't think it's malice#anyways we're all Ok now#we've agreed that i'm going to do what i want#and even if they're unhappy they're still gonna have a relationship with me#and they'll figure out how to adjust#my brother periodically came into the room and also screamed at my parents#i feel bad for them a lil bit. like they're not bad people#after he left my mom told me that a week and a half ago#my brother came into her room and told her that when she died he would bury her in a grave instead#of the traditional last rites (cremation rituals etc etc)#if she wouldn't accept me#and my mom said she was on a bunch of meds cause she's sick so she was so out of it it didn't even register what he was going on about#and then today after that convo she was like WAIT A MIN WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS BOY SAY TO ME#funniest 16 year old u could have on your side#truly he kept coming into the room every 5 min and going HEY HAVE YOU BOTH CONSIDERED NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC. HAVE YOU.#HEY CAN U TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU STILL LOVE HER MAYBE??? THINK??? USE YOUR BRAIN???#this is why i would die for this kid#he's the best#he's such an idiot most of the time but when he's not being an idiot he's my favorite person on earth#don't tell him that tho anyone please#he'll hold it against me forever and ever as siblings do
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99% of conversations on anarchism about here are hampered by people having no clue what anarchists are talking about when they refer to "the state", including, it seems, the anarchists themselves.
#juney.txt#yeah i'm some sort of ancom because i have the worst takes imaginable in all respects#but wow you guys need to like#learn the basics of what you are even talking about#read some books or hell even watch some fuckin bread tubers#watch some old thought slime videos or whatever#literally anything would be better than the nothing that currently occupies your heads#and also all the cool commies who atleast as a baseline seem to actually have reading required to call yourself one of them#or at the least are better at hiding if their politics are purely vibes-based#would help if you could approach this conversation on the anarchists term's even just a little#rather than seeing them say ''we need to abolish the entity through which the few enforce their will on the many by means of violence''#and replying ''okay but this means all of society would collapse into an unorganized mess where everyone just jacks off all day''#''how would manufacturing happen without a government''#gee you tell me. how is your society gonna run once the state withers away#god that's really what gets me. we have ostensibly incredibly similar goals#a stateless classless moneyless society#but then when anarchists talk about having a stateless classless society half of y'all are like#''wuh?? but how would that work?!?!''#like are you a communist or not.#do you even believe communism is possible?#i could understand criticisms about anarchist methods to achieving those ends. those are honestly pretty fuckin valid in a lot of places#but questioning the ends in and of themselves?!#do you think we will ever achieve communism literally ever#or are we just gonna have a socialist worker state that never completes its transition. forever.#because that would be kinda sad#give the socialist worker state estrogen. she needs it.
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Okay, season 3
I found it tiring and repetitive. didn't need 10 episodes. 8 was enough. just like previous seasons.Ā Ā
Carmen in this maniac episode was almost insufferable to watch. Everybody on here was waiting for him to be down, but the writers couldāve done better, and Christopher Storer couldāve shown us better.
First of all, his relationship with Claire wasn't that deep. I know it's all in Carmyās head, the way he visualizes her etc, and yes I have a high degree of myopia, but this was not shown in s2. It makes me mad watching this lack of commitment with his partner and sister in an opening business.
I care about Camy, and itās so tragic that he canāt get out of this cycle of abuse. but Iām a human, and sometimes I really wanna beat him. I know he's trying, but this man needs to take his head off his ass asap. Showing his situation with one hundred flashbacks was monotonous to watch.Ā
About Sydney, Iām so mad how they wrote her this season. Are they gonna end this show without showing us a center episode of her??? this season was a perfect moment to develop ONE OF THE LEAD CHARACTER OF THE SHOW!!!
My girl was passing for so much and alone, but the writers were like, nah, letās show bad comedy with the Faks instead. Put a woman to babysit Carmen and Richie, two grown-up men for the entire season, itās insane. (she's so much better than me)
I love Sydney so much, and we know she would rather get a shot than talk about her private life with anyone, but I need her to fight. I need her to speak.Ā The panic attack scene breaks my heart, I don't think is all carmy's fault. It was a mix of everything. Fear of the future, insecure about everything, thinking about her found family and the possibility of losing them, starting a new business all over again (when she spoke on s2 that she didn't have in her to try again), fear of failure again. But I wish they had shown it better from her pov. They should have improved this part.Ā
I ended this season with a bitter feeling. Itās not a good writing job to have ten episodes of preparation to be resolved in the future.Ā
(And since Christopher Storer likes Taylor Swift so much, he should take all this hate train and enter his reputation era, and give us a better script in s4. #i think the bear is gonna finish in s4, so lets be productive and finish the show in a good way. please, all this with Joana Calo by his side, let her write!)
I loved Tinaās episode (thank god Ayo directed the best one), ice chips were insanely good. Abby Elliott and Jaime Lee Curtis!!!!!111!1 and the first episode was so well edited and directed. i love those actors very much so, they are so talented.
#r.i.p to i'm sorry in sign by sydcarmy#will forever be in our hearts#they forgot to mention that cabinet full of medicines in sydney father house#thank god syd and emmanuel are healthy#that last party scene was so ??? so random and out of character#maybe i'm acid right now#i threw so much energy into the universe asking for sydcarmy parallels but#i didn't imagine i would receive sydney going through the fucked up cycle of abuse that carmy went in ny#AND WHY SHARE SYDNEY TATTOOS IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA TWLL ME ABOUT THEM?#carmen berzatto heard about his sister's baby??#no fak brother in s4#don't you also think it's crazy that carmen hasn't spoken to his mother yet?#i hope the purpose of separating sydcarmy is entirely for them to develop in s4 (distancing forever or trusting each other one more time)#if this was a way to try erase sydcarmy shippers and all this āprestige tv have no romance blablablaā bullshit#it would be the dumbest decision i've ever seen in my life#imagine having JAW and Ayo insane chemistry and choose not to give them screen-time together#(and i not even talking about romantically i would accept āplatonicā in this season)#sydcarmy must argue#i wish it had been in this season#the bear
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You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.
#*text#talk about unpleasant#sorry for only posting textposts here lately. I Forgot how I use this blog.#Also I'm gonna use this as an excuse to vent in the tags about something that's been bothering me today.#I hate days where it feels like I can't be the same person for even. idk. an hour?#I was gonna say just a general statement of 'I hate how I can't feel like the same person for more than an hour' but then I realized it onl#particularly bothered me today so maybe it's just a sometimes thing. throws hands up in the air I WOUDLN'T KNOW#It's just...nothing I do throughout the day matches. i keep starting new things only to forget about them (or forget how much I cared#about them) and try something else later. resulting in a long line of unfinished stuff and frustration.#I keep trying to come up with new conclusions/solutions to problems I've run through my head a million times already.#problems I didn't know I had or forgot about pop up etc.#I'll be doing fine and then I'll just feel stranded out of nowhere with no idea why and trying to figure out if this is normal for me.#I've felt stranded all day.#it's just ugh. i'm so confused. it's been a day i guess.#all the words i write feel kinda foreign to me sometimes. short term memory problems I guess. āļø#but also I feel very very locked in a really limited worldview. or just like. my world feels very small like tunnel vision kind of thing an#for that reason it just feels like it'll go on the same forever and ever and ever. which is a very scary thought.#idk if my logical 'well that obviously isn't the case. things will change eventually' rebuttal is good enough to go against it.#so there you go I wrapped it all back to the point of the post: feeling trapped. yayyy#i don't mean to make myself sound so sad and pitiful. usually i'm doing fine and bad things kinda just don't register in my brain#but there are Secret Evil Feelings inside me that I don't even know about and sometimes I like to poke them with a stick.
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#tw vent i guess??#came here just to post smth that i'm most probably gonna delete later then leave#but aughhhh last week has been SO bad i really really needed to get it off my chest#had the final boss of a sick victorian child episode for like two weeks AND tons of college stuff to do-#-AND a test on a subject that i'm horrible at (and that i'm gonna fail fs)#AND i was supposed to get a septum which is something that i'd been looking forward to for literal YEARS#but upon telling my parents about it (cause they're kinda strict and ig they would like to know) i changed my mind#cause my mom took it SO personally.... like it was HER face not mine?š¤Ø but hey!#and although i had the decency to at the very least let her know that i was getting a piercing (which wasn't necessary for me to do but-#-i did it anyway out of consideration for her)#she has the fucking SPINE to tell me how i could do whatever the fuck i wanted if i cared more about getting it than about her opinion-#-but she would always think it was disgusting and that i had no right to get angry at her if she didn't look me in the face or#wanted to walk or be with me cause it'd make her embarrassed to be with me in public if i had that shit on my face.#and it hurts a lot not just bc of the fuckass piercing. but bc my parents (esp my mom) always react like this whenever i make a little-#-change on my appearanceor cut my hair or buy oversized clothes or whateverand like#if she's gonna be soooo hurt when i get a tiny piece of metal on my face. how is she gonna react when i tell her i want to get tattoos.#start taking hormones. change my name. get top and bottom surgery. be completely changed physically.#is she gonna die is the world gonna end. is she just going to stop talking to me forever.#because a piercing is not just a decoration. to me right now it's an extension of the changes i want to undergo on my body.#it's a step forward to looking the way i want too look#so a rejection to any change i do on my body feels like an indirect rejection to be being trans. and the fact that they're unaware of#just how deep their rejection cuts (bc i'm not out) makes me even angrier at them.#and upon the realization that if i ever came out to my mom (and the rest of my family too tbh) she would react *exactly* like this.#well. i did not take that very well.#wasn't very demure of her to say all that. not very mindful not very cutesy :/#also been sh-ing more bc if this and ughhh what a shit week. hope this one's better#also. i decided i'm still gonna get a septum this year. don't know when but fuck all that. it's gonna bother them all the same#no matter what time of the year i get it done. or if i do it in a year or two or five. so who gives a shit.#anyway. gonna delete later probably#š
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#currently crying because I'm alone with my husband's 94 year old grandma and I'm the only one who ever lets her talk about certain topics#so she just talked about her childhood and youth for one and a half hours#which means. the war#I'm not gonna go into it but it makes me cry every time even though I've already heard it all before#how can you not cry about a child who lost two of her teenaged brothers and had to watch the third one very nearly die too#the stories about how careful they had to be because the police constantly went to every house and checked everything#how they had to hide some of the milk from their cows so they could make butter because they couldn't afford to buy it#and how dangerous that was.#idk I'm so tired of people dying over senseless and unnecessary shit forever and ever and nothing ever changes and no one ever seems#to learn from it#or at least the ones in power don't#as long as there's disposable people (men) to send to war it doesn't matter. and now that's not even necessary anymore you can just kill#people from far away and. I'm just tired#and I'll shut up now and not talk about these things again as usual. it's not because I don't care it's because it (literally) drives me#insane to think about it and I know it's weak and pathetic but I have to choose to stay just barely sane enough to stay alive#can't stop crying. š#anyway. shouldn't talk about it so. bye
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My hot take is that some of you who live vicariously through fictional familial relationships yearn for "a healthy loving family" the same way a lonely person yearns for the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend/partner who will sweep them off their feet and dote on them and love them always and only focus on them and take care of them and protect them and provide for them and give them a fairytale wedding
And it shows
#i just be ramblin#if this post isn't talking about you then it's not talking about you#All I'm saying is that some of y'all's fantasies for the ideal sibling or parent/child relationship are near indistinguishable from the#classic romance fantasies of having a partner who loves you and only you and only ever focuses on you and lives for you#And maybe perhaps we need to stop pretending that behavior/fantasies between 'family' which play out like the folger's incest commercial ar#completely normal and healthy relationships for regular family members to have#Like my brother in christ. If you have an older sibling who gets jealous when *checks notes * other people dote on you or consider#themselves an older sibling to you. So jealous that they try to keep you away from others because you are *their* little sibling and no one#else's to love and take care of and dote on. If they are that possessive. That is not normal healthy sibling behavior#At some point you have to ask if you're really yearning for a loving family or if you're yearning for a partner who will play all the roles#of a classic life partner (romantic or platonic) who doubles as the family you never had#And that's not any more normal than guys who marry women so she can be his partner and surrogate mom.#Maybe you have some shit to unpack#and that's fine if you do. It's fine if you need to heal and you need to unpack your baggage a bit#It is just helping no one to pretend this kind of behavior is normal and healthy and something to strive for in irl families#Or I guess more succinctly. If you're gonna have fantasies or make fictional scenarios between 'family' that are near indistinguishable from#the folger's incest commercialā own that you have a fauxcest kink or something#At the very least don't insist that it's completely normal and healthy behavior for nuclear family members. Own up to your methods of#coping and healing#Indulge in your harmless fantasies without acting like other people are terrible people who don't know what it's like to love your family#because *checks notes* they said that your comic/fanfic where two siblings pledge their lives and unconditional love and decide they want to#live together forever and can't live without each other reads like a sibling complex#vent post#fandom wank
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#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet#i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean#he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today#and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this#its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back#but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason#he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much.#he would want that for all of us right#but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus#the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months.#thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time#and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol#my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most#when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most.#but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway#i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit#i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody#because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right#and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated.#i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do.#to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him#nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest š i can't wait to see it#anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here š#please keep your heads up and lets wait for him š#we have esch other and we will be okay š#sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am š¤
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SPIDER. IN MY ROOM. TRAUMATIZED.
#IT WAS IN THE CEILING LIGHT. AND LUCKILY MY ROOMMATE AAS AWAJE TO HELO ME BUT#WHY DO THEY EXUST EHWGDBRNGNKWNF#literally. literally. every time i see one i start shaking and tearing up#and now i'm not gonna be able to sleeo well im gonna feel disgusting and im just dhebbfjdbfncns#i need someone stapled to my side forever who will always take care of the bugs anytime ever but especially these bitch ass spiders man i#my n my roommate are talking about moving in a few years and one of the places that we've been considering is australia for a little while#and im on board but i'm also like. how does someone with pretty severe arachnophobia survive there. genuinely#IM SO SCAREDDHEJNFKENF AND WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT LIKE NOT 2 HOURS BEFORE THIS HAPPENED#im gonna fuckin die#gonna distract myself with hsr and beg the universe to maybe wipe them all out#āĖā¹āĖāļø bunny babbles āĖā¹āĖ
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finding a blog that posts cool art music and fashion: š
all the other posts are reminiscent of 2014 "pale blogs", full of "ballet aesthetic" adjacent images, very pale thin women's bodies / exploitative model photography, childish anime girls in sexy poses with meme text over them, and text posts from op talking about dieting and skincare: š
#this might sound extremely specific but i s2g i always see this shit on the blogs that show up on the 'in your orbit' thing#and that's kind of insane considering how much of that shit i have blocklisted and how meticulously i try to filter through before followin#and it's esp disappointing when i see this kind of blog is where a cool mutual of mine is reblogging from#i hate being so closely adjacent to this stuff like COME ONNNN i am trying to live in a bubble over here man this is why i'm not on tiktok#and yet i still can't escape the red scare podcast ass aesthetic contamination leaking onto my dash#like this is why i'm just gonna have to stay on my nerdblogging shit forever because it's the only way i can use social media without#having to be subjected to like weird covert proana posting and unendinggggggg obsessive conversation about 'beauty'#i used to be one of those annoying ass fandomblogger turned normie talking about skincare all day and it was the lamest thing i ever did#get real and start blogging about yaoi before i kill you <- joke#ok i'm getting mad on the internet this is bleak i need to go take a walk and look at the stars and the moon and then delete this xo#hashtag spread love hashtag love wins
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ren'py is definitely the best choice for this game but i am mourning being able to use rpgm assets for real
#bobtalk#what ever#and still & forever fuck visual novel maker that was ass and now i am here porting all that shit to a superior engine. slowly. on and off.#over years.#god i'm gonna have to come up with a better name for this thing if i'm ever actually going to release it.#it started as a test game when i was 14 man. there are so many design decisions that i would do differently...but i'm attached.#to a lot of things.#you've gotta kill your darlings and all but. lmao#average bob bobzora solo project (which is every bob bobzora project)#guys the sprites are literally ms paint doodles. from middle school. and here i am 3d modelling backgrounds.#and making high effort but still ugly UI. this is where we are.#the funniest part is that despite being Like That this is like the only Non fanproject i've made pretty much#like i could charge money for it if it ever released if i wanted. is that funny or what#sigh. i want to talk about the shit i make!!!!! grah!!!!!
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AUGHF š„ŗ THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS IN THE TAGS MEME. I GOT A BIT EMO OVER THEM you're so sweet, I'm glad you're enjoying my clowning in the tags!!
Also Chibita can bite the Pope for all I care, he has a permit. (The permit is a napkin where I scribbled "Chibita can do whatever he wants ā Mar Maraierba")
YEAH OF COURSE!!!! siempre estoy ahĆ para apoyar a mis compas hispanos ššŖspecially since, as i said, you're super funny and kind!!!
also the reason why i lost it at the chibita-yuuichi accidental comparison because chibita is just. unhinged. he bites people. he commits tax evasion but it's okay, we forgive him, he has a permit!!!
yuuichi on the other hand is a child who killed an entire town minus a few other kids, and planned on killing them too but decided to basically have them fight for their life at a death (? game because why not you know? (his reasoning verbatim) and when the protag was like "oh wow you went through a super fucked up thing but you know what. i can help you. all you need to do is literally just do better and keep living." and he went "haha don't feel like it. i'm killing you instead <3"
he's also the funniest, he would rather explode than take anything seriously and talk about his feelings, he would rather explode SO HARD he split into two different people. he's canonically gay and his first actual appereance has to be seen to be believed. that sassy latin song plays whenever he shows up no matter how serious the situation is. his catchphrase is "vamos cantar!" because he saw it on tv. he got asked why he was doing all those murder and bad stuffs and he replied by quoting an ad. he's literally a fucked up baby. but he's my fucked up baby
#maybe 'biting people' was a bit of an understatement considering he has a killcount#parun#'alma will you ever shut up about rekinder'#NO <3#i am actually containing myself bc i don't wanna spoil rekinder has to be seen to be believed it SAVED MY LIFE#IT LITERALLY DID#but if you're gonna play it please take care bc it's really heavy#it's really funny but it's really heavy#alma answers#i truly don't wanna spoil rekinder but otherwise i would've talked about the hatsune miku thing. the hatsune miku thing that happens.#love how in rekinder you hear hatsune miku and it's like. we're truly fucked here#and gote to handa (another one of this creator's games) seemed the same way#but then you get to the end and hatsune miku turns the protag into a shonen character#no i'm not exaggerating#yuuichi is my child i walk him by a leash and we have fun#i think#'oh wow alma this is all so charming and interesting! please tell me more!!!'#i am no matter the situation always up for talking about parun#always and forever.#alma rambles
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don't think i can fully articulate how bad i hate the freeing 1/4 scale reimu. like literally who is this. not reimu i can tell you that much
and something i really love about touhou's character design is the fact it's really easy to make major or minor tweaks to the character in several different ways and still have them not even look out of place. like reimu has a different haircut in almost every game and different artists take a lot of liberties in details of her design but they're all so easily believably reimu.
so. idk. making this figure that contains all the same key elements that make a character recognizable and still somehow making it not look like the character is almost impressive. great(bad) job freeing you made the least reimu-y reimu
#the. I hate how they did her face so bad#i think that's it i think it's her face. it doesn't suit her at all. and like.#what is up with her shirt are you gonna do stupid vacuum sealed shirt or are you gonna have it all floaty. you can't have it both ways#also like. why does like every single unofficial reimu art/merch give her a visible midriff when there's next to no official material-#-that reflects that design.#like im not ... Mad? about it? like it's not necessarily done to even sexualize her it's just treated as a real facet of her design#but almost every single official material Zun drawn or not either makes her outfit baggy with a high waisted skirt#OR gives her a visible undershirt#i just think it's weird idk. it's cuter when it's baggy imo#anyway thanks for coming to my rant post. freeing's koishi figure is even worse somehow<3#also. one more thing to end this post on a positive note.#moe harukawa's depiction of reimu (the one in the top middle from forbidden scrollery) is like. my favorite reimu design ever#moe harukawa's art is So good i'm forever obsessed with it#bri talks
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