#THIS DAMAGE IS NOT THE FIRST OF ITS KIND TRULY I WANT TO LIVE A FUN LIFE

[girlactionfigure]

Human Rights and Human Wrongs

URI KURLIANCHIK

“It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means… Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies.”

— Apocalypses Now

There has been a lot of talk about the "dehumanization of the Palestinians," so let's talk about this for a minute.

First of all, what does it mean? In plain English, it means Jews no longer have pity for Arabs who get hurt in the war they started to eradicate the Jewish people in the Middle East. This is mostly true. Even the eyes of the most gentle Israelis light up when they see a rocket hitting a Hezbollah launcher in South Lebanon or a building block used by the butchers of Hamas demolished in Beit Lahia.

It wasn't like that until recently. How did we come to this?

When I was a boy, Israel was a leftist country. We had huge peace rallies, the Oslo accords, all our war movies were of the insipid "shooting and crying" genre. We even had a subject called "peace" in school! People like me were viewed as crazy marginals (except back then, I also supported the two state solution, all civilized people did). To even suggest that not all societies wanted peace was seen as vulgar and uncouth. Nice people cried for the innocent dead on both sides. We could forgive the Arabs for killing our children but not for making us kill theirs. Etc… etc…

This euphoria of peace born out of the Oslo Accords was followed by decades of barbarism from the Arabs that eroded the pity reserves of the Jewish people. 

Yes, pity is a resource, and it's finite.

This wasn't the result of slanted reporting or anti-Arab propaganda. The media was firmly left-leaning and went out of its way to defend the Arabs after each new atrocity that was difficult to imagine was done by humans, and the widespread celebrations that followed. More and more, people asked themselves, “where is this peace partner? What kind of a society are we expected to live side by side with?”

Jews were torn to pieces with bare hands, baby skulls were smashed with rocks, little girls were butchered in their beds, children were massacred in schools, in discotheques, on buses. People were mutilated, castrated, crippled; not as collateral damage but meticulously, with sadistic precision, by an enemy that seemed to always prefer to go after defenseless civilians, that seemed to revel in atrocity.

And each time, the Jack the Rippers responsible for these horrors were celebrated as heroes by the Arab street and their progressive allies. No one stood up and said, "guys, there are laws even in war." No, when it came to hurting us, it was always, "by any means necessary." The laws were there to prevent us from protecting ourselves, never to protect us, and “resistance” often seemed like nothing more than an excuse to indulge in sadism.

Time after time, year after year, decade after decade; the Arabs produced images of horror that even the most progressive Israeli peacenik couldn't spin into anything other than what it was: the portrait of a savage society.

The change didn't occur at once. 

People first started voicing opinions that were outside the Overton window, only to be shut down in polite society. Then polite society started shrugging because it ran out of arguments.

Then October 7 came, the ultimate atrocity exhibition, the ultimate barbarity, recorded in vivid details and spread so ubiquitously there was no chance anyone missed it. Shocked and hurt, the Jews who still had pity learned that the Arabs and their progressive allies had no pity or even empathy for them.

"You made it up! You did it to yourself! It was only military targets!" and other forms of sadistic gaslighting were hurled smugly at a grieving nation. "Where are the 40 beheaded babies, haha? With or without baking powder, har har?"

The message was simple: "No matter what happens to you, you deserve no pity. Your very existence is a crime."

For many, this was the final straw. 

This was the moment their last shred of compassion for the enemy evaporated and their hearts became hard. Hearts of survival. Hearts of war. This is what the pseudointellectual farts mean when they talk about, “the dehumanization of the Palestinians.” The enemy finally managed to push Israeli society into not caring about the enemy. It took 40 years of hard word but we’re finally there.

Will this pity ever return, or have we finally transformed into a new kind of nation? I don't know.

What I do know is that when you treat someone without pity for decades, don't expect them to be compassionate towards you forever. 

Commit enough inhumanities and you'll be dehumanized.

[jaggeduar]

I feel so crazy about that last episode I knew literally in my soul that the lich would appear eventually and be named the last scholar of golb. Throws up everywherr

[gibberishquestion]

what song is your anthem. what song is required reading to understand you on a personal level

[artsy-waffle19]

They literally put Edwin through every possible gay-romance trope but made it realistic and that's so special to me like

we got the "probably former friend can't handle feelings and turns into bully instead" but it doesn't end with them, making up and being happy, they break apart, things escalate and they both suffer from that situation for a major part of their existence. With a bit of luck and a LOT of growing they manage to talk it out and the victim finds it in himself to forgive his bully but it's never going to be truly fine. But even though they both suffer tremendously, they are faced to deal with themselves in the process and find a kind of peace they wouldn't have gotten otherwise. Because maybe it's better to hurt for a long time only to realise that it really doesn't have to be torture to be the way you are and finally freeing yourself entirely than quietly live without the conflict but also without the realisation and resenting yourself for its entirety.

then there's the situation with the cat king. Older, emotionally unstable guy obsesses over younger inexperienced guy who actually understands him and causes some sort of gay awakening. But instead of some "I can fix him" bullshit with them, ending up happily ever after because "they're the only ones who understand each other"TM we get to see Edwin set boundaries and standing up for himself which benefits the both of them. For Edwin this ends in going "Hey thank you for opening that door to discovering that part of myself but I'm actually gonna have to leave you at the doorstep now" and for the cat king it ends up with him actually feeling seen because for once somebody didn't fall for his probably usual game of "I'm bored so I'm going to make a game of getting that guy to do what i want by seducing him". The fact that they don't end up together is the reason they were good for each other.

Also the situation with Monty which is basically the experience of a lot of queer peoples first relationship. They meet and they're both somehow new to all of this. Being queer, relationships, all that stuff. And they get along and share some interests, they like soending time with each other and technically it's like in a romance book because they meet and one of them is immediately interested and then they talk and they sit on a swingset and they kiss. And there's the excitement about "apparently I'm making my first experience with romance right now" and the worry of "I'm queer...I have it harder with relationships...what if this is the best option i have? what if it's the only one?" so they go through all the romance book tropes but the spark simply isn't there and it ends in one of them getting way more invested tha the other and they eventually end up breaking up in blood. But in a way both of them got an idea about what they actually want in life out of it so even if that sone didn't end well, it did give them something.

And last but not least the "in love with best friend who likes someone else/someone of the opposite gender specifically" but instead of having that best friend be secretly in love with the character all along or suddenly turn homophobic and the friendship being ruined they talk about it and they move on and the friendship isn't damaged and in a way it might even be better because sometimes our feelings are unrequited and sometimes that's okay.

I just really really love how the show took all of those options for cheesy and in a way sometimes even forced romance tropes and went "hey, life is not a romance novel but actually that kind of makes it better because look where it got you now"

[fursasaida]

Hi! Just wanted to ask. How can I give my students assignments that are chat-gpt proof? Or that they won't just copy the answer without at least doing some editing?

Hi! So, I don't think anything is ChatGPT-proof. You fundamentally cannot stop people from using it to take a shortcut. You can't even stop them from copying the answer without editing it. However, I think you can work with this reality. So, you can do three things:

Don't be a cop about it.

If you make your objective "stop the children from using the thing to cheat," you are focusing on the wrong thing. You will be constantly scrutinizing every submission with suspicion, you will be accusing people of cheating--and some of them will not have cheated, and they will remember this forever--and you will be aiming at enforcement (which is trying to hold back the sea) instead of on inviting and supporting learning whenever and wherever possible. (I'll come back to this under item 2.)

Regarding why enforcement is holding back the sea: It is fundamentally rational for them to do this. We, who "love learning" (i.e. are good at what our academic system sees as learning, for various reasons have built our lives around that, happen to enjoy these activities), see everything they might cheat themselves of by doing it, because we know what we got out of doing this type of work. Many students, however--especially at the kind of school I teach at--are there to get the piece of paper that might, if they're lucky, allow them access to a relatively livable and stable income. The things that are wrong with this fact are structural and nothing to do with students' failings as people, or (tfuh) laziness, or whatever. We cannot make this not true (we can certainly try to push against it in certain ways, but that only goes so far). More pragmatically, chatgpt and similar are going to keep getting better, and detecting them is going to get harder, and your relationships with your students will be further and further damaged as you are forced to hound them more, suspect them more, falsely accuse more people, while also looking like an idiot because plenty of them will get away with it. A productive classroom requires trust. The trust goes both ways. Being a cop about this will destroy it in both directions.

So the first thing you have to do is really, truly accept that some of them are going to use it and you are not always going to know when they do. And when I say accept this, I mean you actually need to be ok with it. I find it helps to remember that the fact that a bot can produce writing to a standard that makes teachers worry means we have been teaching people to be shitty writers. I don't know that so much is lost if we devalue the 5-paragraph SAT essay and its brethren.

So the reason my policy is to say it's ok to use chatgpt or similar as long as you tell me so and give me some thinking about what you got from using it is that a) I am dropping the charade that we don't all know what's going on and thereby making it (pedagogical term) chill; b) I am modeling/suggesting that if you use it, it's a good idea to be critical about what it tells you (which I desperately want everyone to know in general, not just my students in a classroom); c) I am providing an invitation to learn from using chatgpt, rather than avoid learning by using it. Plenty of them won't take me up on that. That's fine (see item 3 below).

So ok, we have at least established the goal of coming at it from acceptance. Then what do you do at that point?

Think about what is unique to your class and your students and build assignments around that.

Assignments, of course, don't have to be simply "what did Author mean by Term" or "list the significant thingies." A prof I used to TA under gave students the option of interviewing a family member or friend about their experiences with public housing in the week we taught public housing. Someone I know who teaches a college biology class has an illustration-based assignment to draw in the artsier students who are in her class against their will. I used to have an extra-credit question that asked them to pick anything in the city that they thought might be some kind of clue about the past in that place, do some research about it, and tell me what they found out and how. (And that's how I learned how Canal St. got its name! Learning something you didn't know from a student's work is one of the greatest feelings there is.) One prompt I intend to use in this class will be something to the effect of, "Do you own anything--a t-shirt, a mug, a phone case--that has the outline of your city, state, or country on it? Why? How did you get it, and what does having this item with this symbol on it mean to you? Whether you personally have one or not, why do you think so many people own items like this?" (This is for political geography week, if anyone's wondering.)

These are all things that target students' personal interests and capabilities, the environments they live in, and their relationships within their communities. Chatgpt can fake that stuff, but not very well. My advisor intends to use prompts that refer directly to things he said in class or conversations that were had in class, rather than to a given reading, in hopes that that will also make it harder for chatgpt to fake well because it won't have the context. The more your class is designed around the specific institution you teach at and student body you serve, the easier that is to do. (Obviously, how possible that is is going to vary based on what you're teaching. When I taught Urban Studies using the city we all lived in as the example all through the semester, it was so easy to make everything very tailored to the students I had in that class that semester. That's not the same--or it doesn't work the same way--if you're teaching Shakespeare. But I know someone who performs monologues from the plays in class and has his students direct him and give him notes as a way of drawing them into the speech and its niceties of meaning. Chatgpt is never going to know what stage directions were given in that room. There are possibilities.) This is all, I guess, a long way of saying that you'll have a better time constructing assignments chatgpt will be bad at if you view your class as a particular situation, occurring only once (these people, this year), which is a situation that has the purpose of encouraging thought--rather than as an information-transfer mechanism. Of course information transfer happens, but that is not what I and my students are doing together here.

Now, they absolutely can plug this type of prompt into chatgpt. I've tried it myself. I asked it to give me a personal essay about the political geography prompt and a critical personal essay about the same thing. (I recommend doing this with your own prospective assignments! See what they'd get and whether it's something you'd grade highly. If it is, then change either the goal of the assignment or at least the prompt.) Both of them were decent if you are grading the miserable 5-paragraph essay. Both of them were garbage if you are looking for evidence of a person turning their attention for the first time to something they have taken for granted all their lives. Chatgpt has neither personality nor experiences, so it makes incredibly vague, general statements in the first person that are dull as dishwater and simply do not engage with what the prompt is really asking for. I already graded on "tell me what you think of this/how this relates to your life" in addition to "did you understand the reading," because what I care about is whether they're thinking. So students absolutely can and will plug that prompt into chatgpt and simply c/p the output. They just won't get high marks for it.

If they're fine with not getting high marks, then okay. For a lot of them this is an elective they're taking essentially at random to get that piece of paper; I'm not gonna knock the hustle, and (see item 1) I couldn't stop them if I wanted to. What I can do is try to make class time engaging, build relationships with them that make them feel good about telling me their thoughts, and present them with a variety of assignments that create opportunities for different strengths, points of interest, and ways into the material, in hopes of hooking as many different people in as many different ways as I can.

This brings me back to what I said about inviting learning. Because I have never yet in my life taught a course that was for people majoring in the subject, I long ago accepted that I cannot get everyone to engage with every concept, subject, or idea (or even most of them). All I can do is invite them to get interested in the thing at hand in every class, in every assignment, in every choice of reading, in every question I ask them. How frequently each person accepts these invitations (and which ones) is going to vary hugely. But I also accept that people often need to be invited more than once, and even if they don't want to go through the door I'm holding open for them right now, the fact that they were invited this time might make it more likely for them to go through it the next time it comes up, or the time after that. I'll never know what will come of all of these invitations, and that's great, actually. I don't want to make them care about everything I care about, or know everything I know. All I want is to offer them new ways to be curious.

Therefore: if they use chatgpt to refuse an invitation this week, fine. That would probably have happened anyway in a lot of cases even without chatgpt. But, just as before, I can snag some of those people's attention on one part of this module in class tomorrow. Some of them I'll get next time with a different type of assignment. Some of them I'll hook for a moment with a joke. I don't take the times that doesn't happen as failures. But the times that it does are all wins that are not diminished by the times it doesn't.

Actually try to think of ways to use chatgpt to promote learning.

I DREAM of the day I'm teaching something where it makes sense to have students edit an AI-written text. Editing is an incredible way to get better at writing. I could generate one in class and we could do it all together. I could give them a prompt, ask them to feed it into chatgpt, and ask them to turn in both what they got and some notes on how they think it could be better. I could give them a pretty traditional "In Text, Author says Thing. What did Author mean by that?" prompt, have them get an answer from chatgpt, and then ask them to fact-check it. Etc. All of these get them thinking about written communication and, incidentally, demonstrate the tool's limitations.

I'm sure there are and will be tons of much more creative ideas for how to incorporate chatgpt rather than fight it. (Once upon a time, the idea of letting students use calculators in math class was also scandalous to many teachers.) I have some geography-specific ideas for how to use image generation as well. When it comes specifically to teaching, I think it's a waste of time for us to be handwringing instead of applying ourselves to this question. I am well aware of the political and ethical problems with chatgpt, and that's something to discuss with, probably, more advanced students in a seminar setting. But we won't (per item 1) get very far simply insisting that Thing Bad and Thing Stupid. So how do we use it to invite learning? That's the question I'm interested in.

Finally, because tangential to your question: I think there's nothing wrong with bringing back more in-class writing and even oral exams (along with take-home assignments that appeal to strengths and interests other than expository writing as mentioned above). These assessments play to different strengths than written take-homes. For some students, that means they'll be harder or scarier; by the same token, for other students they'll be easier and more confidence-building. (Plus, "being able to think on your feet" is also a very good ~real-world skill~ to teach.) In the spirit of trying to offer as many ways in as possible, I think that kind of diversification in assignments is a perfectly good idea.

[admiringlove]

you still don't get it. hi everybody! this is my first installment of @angstober this year. i hope you enjoy. thank you for reading :)

when you're used to holding onto someone who’s always just out of reach, what do you do?

gojo satoru—he wasn't replaceable, but he was so easily lost. his life had never been a normal one, always teetering on the edge of something extraordinary, something untouchable. from childhood, he was told he was the greatest. destined to do the impossible, to defeat the most terrible curses, to keep the gojo name eternal.

greatness was the air he breathed, the weight he carried effortlessly—and all you wanted was to love him like it was a sacred act, a ritual meant for no one but him.

but even the greatest can fall. and he did. again and again, you watched as cracks formed in the person who was supposed to be invincible, watched as he broke in ways you couldn’t understand, let alone fix. watching someone you love lose at the one thing they're meant to be flawless in is a kind of agony that sticks to your bones—but losing him entirely? that shattered you.

when gojo satoru was sealed in the prison realm, you were left with nothing but the echo of his absence. now, you were the one who had truly lost. and the damage felt irreparable. they said they didn’t know when or how he would return—just that he would. but those words, like a prayer unanswered, did nothing to fill the void he left behind.

so you did what you always did best—you hoped. you clung to the thought of him, whispered prayers to any god that might listen, begged the universe to keep him safe. because that’s what your life had become. him. everything you were, everything you did, revolved around him, like a planet caught in the unrelenting pull of its sun.

when they told you he’d returned, your heart seized in your chest, the air growing thick in your lungs, as if you’d forgotten how to breathe. seeing him after months, your eyes filled with tears. but the warmth you longed for never came. the person you’d waited for, prayed for, felt so distant, like he was a lifetime away despite standing right in front of you.

gojo satoru had become too great, even for you. his purpose stretched far beyond what you could ever be to him. yet your world still revolved around him, just as the earth clings to the sun, forever chasing its warmth. he hung the stars in your sky, and you, just a humble planet, were always beneath his protection.

“don’t you understand?” his voice breaks, barely holding itself together. his hands pull at his hair, shoulders tense, as if trying to wrestle the words out of him. the weight of it all presses down on him—he feels it too, but not in the way you do. you loved him like a sacred ritual, like an oath sworn under the stars. but he—he was never meant for that. he was gojo satoru, the strongest, the untouchable.

“you still don’t get it,” he says, his voice heavy with resignation, eyes clouded with a sadness that threatens to swallow him whole. “i wasn’t born to live a normal life. i'm not like you.”

"what do you mean you're not like me?" your voice wavers, fragile and raw, as your hands tremble at your sides. all you'd ever done was wait for him, pray for him. it had become second nature, your very being entwined with his. your purpose was to be his solace, his sanctuary. but now, as he stands before you, distant and cold, his words cut through the air like a blade. not like you. what did that even mean? was your love not enough? were you not home?

he breathes out, sharp and shallow, refusing to meet your gaze. and it stings, more than you thought it would, like salt rubbed into an open wound. but it’s all you want. his eyes, those deep oceans of blue that could drown you with a glance, if only he'd let you in. you long to be swallowed by them, to feel the cold of his gaze soften just for you. to be pulled under the current of his icy lashes, to lose yourself in the very storm he carried within him. you ache to hold him, to cradle him against your chest, whispering that it would all be okay. because that’s who you had become—his tether, his constant. gojo satoru was your purpose, your reason for everything. the very breath in your lungs depended on him.

but he no longer wanted you.

"i mean," he begins, voice strained and barely audible, “i can’t be bound by you." the words seem to tear from him, reluctant but unavoidable, as if they're as painful for him to say as they are for you to hear. his hands twitch, his fists clenching at his sides as if trying to hold himself together. he can’t even look at you, but you watch him closely, desperately, hoping for something, anything, to change.

but his words have already shattered something inside you. he tries, in his own way, not to hurt you any further. he never meant to wound you, but the truth still burns, searing through the air between you. because he has to say it; he has to be free of you. because even though you gave him your all, even though you loved him with the kind of devotion that could move mountains, you were the one thing that could break him. and he cannot break. not again. not like before. he must be untouchable, invincible—the strongest. and you, with your boundless love, with your willingness to sacrifice everything for him, have become a weakness. a chain he cannot afford to carry.

he has a legacy to uphold, a world to protect, and his destiny doesn’t include you anymore. you can feel it in the way his voice cracks, in the subtle flex of his shoulders as he struggles to keep his composure. the truth is, he was never meant to be yours. and now, in the space where your love once bloomed, all that remains is the cold realization—you were his sanctuary, but you could not contain him.

"are you saying i hold you back?" your voice is barely a whisper, trembling under the weight of disbelief. your words tread carefully, like you’re walking through a field of landmines, afraid that one misstep might shatter everything. your heart clenches as you watch him—he won’t even look at you. it feels like he’s giving you a mercy you never asked for, letting you go before the pain sinks too deep, before staying in his presence becomes unbearable. but wasn’t that already your reality? waiting, hoping, breaking yourself apart for the smallest glimpses of his affection. why couldn't he see that? why wouldn’t he even try to understand?

"satoru," you whisper, voice cracking under the strain of your held-back tears. "all i’ve done these past few months is wait for you. you can’t just leave-"

"i didn’t ask for that!" his voice is a gunshot, piercing straight through your chest. your breath falters, as if the very core of you has been ripped out, leaving you hollow. it’s like someone took the puzzle pieces of your life, pulled out the heart, and tossed it into oblivion. the suddenness of it makes you feel as though you might collapse.

you watch him, standing there like a statue—still, cold, and yet his hesitation betrays him. you can see it in the clench of his fists, the stiff set of his shoulders. he doesn’t want to hurt you. he didn’t want this. you can almost feel his regret lingering in the space between you, like an invisible wall neither of you knows how to cross.

but he is gojo satoru. he will always be gojo satoru. untouchable, unbreakable, destined to stand above everyone else. and you—you’re just the earth, spinning on the axis of his existence, revolving around a sun too bright, too distant to ever truly hold. no matter how much you loved him, no matter how much you waited, you would never be able to reach him. because you were always meant to remain beneath him, while he soared far above—just out of your grasp.

"i will give you everything you ask for, satoru," you whisper, though your voice betrays you, trembling like a confession laid bare for the world to witness. it slips out of you, raw and fragile, exposing every crack in your resolve. it's like standing in the aftermath of a crime, where the evidence is clear, and there’s no point in hiding. you step toward him, breath unsteady, tears barely held back, though you fight so desperately to keep them hidden. "because that is who i have become."

each step feels heavier than the last, like you’re dragging your heart across shards of glass, careful not to leave too much of yourself behind. you can’t look back, though everything inside you screams to. you reach the door, eyes falling to your shoes, as if the answer you seek might be there. you want him to call out to you, to stop you, but deep down, you know that’s a dream you can’t afford to indulge. his path has always been set, carved out for him long before you ever entered his orbit. and yours? yours was to love him, even if it meant walking away.

"i wish you good luck. and goodbye."

your voice wavers on the final word, but you force yourself to say it. to mean it. and then you leave, the weight of his silence following you. because gojo satoru was the sun, blinding and brilliant, burning too brightly to be touched. and you? you were something else, something smaller, caught in his gravity. maybe a planet, or maybe just the moon—shining only because his light reflected off you. without him, you weren’t sure what you were anymore.

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[absolutebl]

Best & Worst BLs of 2023

My Top 15 BLs of 2023 are (in order)

1 Our Dating Sim

Korea Viki

Nerds in love, deadlines, gaming, teasing, pining tiny idiots, casual affection, linguistic oops, ADORABLE. If you haven't watched this, it's a must. A perfect short form KBL, an office set reunion romance featuring geeks that really suits 8 eps with no fluff and no chaff. Just comforting and yummy.

I adored every aspect from the casting to the pristinely simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story - a cozy BL. It lives in my rewatch pile and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent.

Also recieves my 2023 award for best giggle.

2 I Cannot Reach You

AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai

Japan Netflix

This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen.

Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way.

This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen.

Also wins the best thirst award.

These were the 2 BLs that got 10/10 from me in 2023. The rest of these got 9/10 from me.

3 My School President

Thailand YouTube

GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that made this one Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? My favourite GMMTV BL offering to date. And yes, I've watched them ALL.

Received the Namgoong award for best wingman 2023.

4 I Feel You Linger in the Air

Thailand grey

IFYLITA is an exquisite BL, from filming techniques to narrative framework. Steeped in history and family drama this is an elegant and classy BL. The main couple (both as a pair and individuals) were excellent, particularly Bright (Yai) whose eye-work acting style is a personal favorite of mine. It's a marker of how great it was that it's so high on my list despite the ending which was very much not what I wanted.

Additional accolade, sexiest moment of 2023 - (the oil scene).

You could try to fight me, but you'll have no grip.

5 Kiseki: Dear to Me

Taiwan Gaga & Viki

The plot is totally ridiculous and slightly unhinged. There’s a gum-ball machine of cameos, elder gay rep, great chemistry from all pairs (everyone is queer), and a KILLER side couple. It involves all the tropes under a very offhand framework of gay mafia gangs + food = love. As a result Kiseki is a poster child for Taiwanese BL, and I happen to love Taiwanese BL. Bonus? They also managed to END IT WELL, which we cannot expect from Taiwan.

Best side couple 2023!

(thank goodness Taiwan made this list!)

6 Jun and Jun

Korea Viki

A delightful office romance about an ex-idol who joins cubical life only to find his new boss is his first love. With a snappy (sometimes even raunchy) script, enjoyable sides, a pretty as peaches cast, and descent chemistry this show made up for in style what it lacked in substance. I like fluff. I loved this. I smiled every moment I was watching.

Best flirting 2023.

AKA "the tongue knows" award

7 The Eighth Sense

Korea Viki

This one is a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with great chemistry and tension. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled (which is the only reason it didn't get a perfect score) but it has a glorious ending and that counts for a lot.

2023's most likely to appeal to non-BL watchers.

8 Unintentional Love Story

Korea iQIYI

The lead, Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT, who carried this show. He was luminous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, which he used to carry a killer plot and challenging role. Forced into a totally understandable betrayal, falling in love despite himself, put into a corner he can't get out of, the AGONY, the eyes EMOTING at us in PAIN. Driven by external conflict, social tension and pressure this story seems simple but it's actually refined and quite complex. I loved this show.

Best story structure 2023.

9 My Personal Weatherman

AKA Taikan Yoho

Japan Gaga

This is classic yaoi of the kind that really only works from Japan. Basically: boys who fell in love in college end up living together but both are so repressed they actually don't realize they're in love. It's high heat is well done, but it leaned into the "why don't they just talk for fuck's sake?" which is exacerbated by the fact that they're already fucking. Sure is sexy tho.

Best use of props 2023 for the shower of sheets.

10 Our Dining Table

AKA Bokura no Shokutaku

Japan Gaga

Lonely salaryman and talented cook gets accidentally adopted by a college kid and his little brother. It’s a quiet & cozy little parable of found family alleviating loneliness. It's lovely & sweet with the romance beats used to build a family relationship, not just couple intimacy. Special.

First prize for domesticity.

11 Laws of Attraction

Thailand iQIYI

This is a great gay suspense thriller with several solid couples, fun plot, killer characters, queer rep, and a happy ending. It’s tons of fun and I had an absolute blast watching it.

Charn wins my favorite character of 2023.

12 La Pluie

Thailand Viki

This BL takes to task the fated mates trope and what it means to have love chained intimately to predestination. It’s about how faith in destiny before choice diminishes the authenticity of emotion, relationships, and connection. This is a high concept to examine through the lens of a BL. With good chemistry and decent acting all around, plus some excellent high heat and representation of consent and a few other rare tropes, this one has to (like it’s sibling show My Ride) earn high marks.

Most interesting concept 2023.

13 The New Employee

Korea Viki

So good, SO QUEER, so soft, a near pitch perfect office BL with conflict derived from that setting. Also found family and a lesbian bestie. This is what I wanted from this new crop of office set KBLs ALL ALONG. Rainbow rice cakes forever!

Best overall queer rep from Korea.

14 Step By Step

Thailand Gaga & YouTube & Viki

This was Thailand’s answer to The New Employee, and everything I loved about that show I loved about this one. This was an office romance between stern boss and sweet subordinate that felt more authentic to an office environment than previous Thai BLs of this ilk which added tension to the narrative and character development.

Chot wins best queer character 2023.

15 Love Tractor

Korea iQIYI

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed = all my favorite silly tropes.

Biggest "he so pretty" gasp of the year award.

10 Worst BLs of 2023 (that I watched)

My Blessing

My Universe: Casanova Begins

Boyband the series

Cafe In Love

Chains of Heart

Hit Bite Love

Only Friends

Senior Love Me

The Luminous Solution

The Promise

Yes, you read that right. I know I'm against the flow but I really did not like Only Friends. Everyone's taste is different.

However I DNFed faster and more BL's this year than ever before, so that means my 10 worst probably aren't quite reflective...

10 Probably Actually Worst BLs (I dropped 'em)

My Story

The Day I Loved You

Beyond the Star

Crazy Handsome Rich

Dinosaur Love

House of Stars

Mr Cinderella 2

Love Bill

Stormy Honeymoon

The Star Always Follow You

Codicils in General

I only carefully track/watch Thailand, Taiwan, Korea, and Japan. Other countries are not fully represented.

My Numbers

So my spreadsheet chronicled 138 BLs that finish airing in 2023.

101 = watched & reviewed

2 = still in the docket (WDYEY2 & Love Syndrome III)

15 = CNF (could not find)

20 = DNF (which also accounts for how few very low scores I handed out in 2023 as opposed to previous years, I just stopped watching). Speaking of which...

Ratings spread

(# of stars. #of BLs given that rating)

0 (see the DNFs instead)

2 - IT'S DEPRESSING they killed the gay, save yourself

7 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM WATCHING AND NEITHER DOES IT

7 - FATALLY FLAWED but still basically BL, however… do we want to support this kind of behavior?

9 - WATCH IF YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO but don’t expect much, it’s a total hot mess

17 - WORTH WATCHING BUT FLAWED probably around the ending or in narrative structure/cohesion or censorship

14 - RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS i.e. isn’t quite BL, convoluted, not strictly HEA, too short/long, or chemistry issues

30 - RECOMMENDED some concerns around tropes (like dub con) or story structure but still satisfies as BL

13 - ABSOLUTELY RECOMMENDED probably a few pacing issues or one flaw

2 - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED faithful to tropes, happy ending, good chemistry, few flaws, high rewatch potential

(source)

[mysticheathenn]

Mystery Pick-A-Card Pt. ll

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is about whatever the cards have to say. I shuffle the cards and whatever message comes out is your reading. I couldn't decide on what reading should be next as so many messages wanted to come through, so I decided on this way. This may be about love, academics, friendship/family, money, or careers. Whatever the cards have to say, will be said.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

MasterList

Patreon Link

TW Ahead Read With Caution

Pile l:

What is your Mystery Reading? Tarot: Page of Swords, 5 of Swords, The Chariot (Clarified by The Reversed Empress), Justice (Clarified by 9 of Cups), Ace of Wands

"There's no kindness in your eyes The way you look at me, it's just not right I can tell what's going on this time There's a stranger in my life You're not the person that I once knew Are you scared to let them know it's you? If they could only see you like I do Then they would see a stranger too" - Hilary Duff, Strangers

TW: Body image, Self Esteem, Anorexia, Dysmorphia, Etc

Even though Strangers by Hilary Duff is a love song about a toxic relationship this is about you having a toxic relationship, but with yourself. You are so skilled at faking smiles and pretending everything is okay while you suffer on the inside with your constant negative talk to yourself. You could say things like how ugly, fat, and disgusting, you are to yourself and spew all of these lies that aren't true. Some of you could possibly be dealing with body dysmorphia where you see yourself as one way one moment and another moment you do a complete 180 or 360 depending on what it is about your body you are speaking negatively/positively about. Some of these feelings, thoughts, and emotions may have come from your childhood/adolescence where your family constantly pointed out changes in your weight causing you to have these feelings or body disorders. This makes me sad because I don't need to know what you look like to know that you are handsome/beautiful/spectacular/ and everything that's as sensational and bright as the sun. This reading has left me in a pickle as I have never pulled cards dealing with this subject before and don't want to overstep or cause any damage, as I'm not a psychologist/therapist so I can't give you the guidance you need in order to see yourself for all its glory, but your guides want you to know it's time to start seeing the light. They can't help you if you don't try to help yourself first by seeking help for the thoughts that plague your mind on a daily basis. You may like to listen to sad songs when you're sad so you can remain in your sadness because being happy with who you are is too unbearable to think about. It's time to begin your journey of healing and surrounding yourself with people who see you for who you really are and not the versions in your head that you see or the versions your family likes to place on you because of their own f*cked-up views and opinions about themselves. Try seeking out help from a therapist/psychologist, or a trusted friend. Also, remember that you are more than just your looks, you have a personality that I am sure shines bright as gold and a beautiful future ahead where you are thriving and seeing yourself as truly divine.

Pile ll:

What is your Mystery Reading? Tarot: The Devil, 7 of Cups, 8 of Cups (Clarified by The Star), 9 of Pentacles (reversed)

"There's things I wanna say to you But I'll just let you live Like if you hold me without hurting me You'll be the first who ever did There's things I wanna talk about But better not to give But if you hold me without hurting me You'll be the first who ever did" - Cinnamon Girl by Lana Del Rey

TW: Self-Sabotage, Vices, etc

This reading can go so many different ways but the overall message is that there is something in your life that isn't good for you that you can't see to walk away because you either feel you have no better options or you don't want any other options. For some of you, this could be a relationship you refuse to let go of because of fear and for others of you, this could be vices like drugs, alcohol, or even self-sabotaging things for yourself because you don't see how bright your future or how brilliant you are. Some of you are so far down the rabbit hole that you don't see a way out, you have let this thing or person consume your every being to the point there is no moon or sun in your work only complete darkness. It's as if you have fully accepted that this is your life now and the thing about that pile ll is this doesn't have to be your life. You have The Star card in your reading showing you that you are more than capable of being someone other than the version you are now or even finding better elsewhere if this is about a relationship. Freedom is just a few steps away you just have to be the one to see the light at the end of the tunnel instead of always pulling the blackout curtains over any and all kinds of light that touched your domain. You have options...you just rather not take them because of having to deal with the pain that comes along with it. Again this could be vices that you pick up every time life gets even the smallest of inconvenient for you and others it's a relationship that you wholeheartedly either believe is as good as it gets for you because of your low self-esteem or because you don't want to leave this person in their darkest hour not realizing that they too are slowing taking you under. Your light is so bright pile ll and it's been trying to show you in your darkness but you refuse to answer or grab its hand. It's time to walk away from the things that keep you mentally, emotionally, and even physically stuck and walk away. Do some healing or find other solutions that can help with your vices. Similar to how chain smokers replace cigarettes with snacks...replace what this toxic energy is with something better.

Pile lll:

What is your Mystery Reading? Tarot: The Lovers, The Hierophant, The Devil, The Moon, 3 of Swords

Two Messages - TW: Toxic Relationships (Romantic & of the Self)

So many Major Arcana cards pile lll. You may have been drawn to Pile ll, this reading somewhat mirrors that pile also. The only difference is that you acknowledge your unhappiness while Pile ll...well...yeah. Anyway, pile lll I sense your unhappiness within your relationship and possibly within yourself too. With the lovers and devil card in this reading, I sense that this is mainly a relationship reading but if not take what resonates and apply it to you being single. Single messages are later in this reading. Overall you are unhappy with how your relationship is, it's as if you romanticized what it would be like with this person and decided to go with the flow of everything even when things didn't feel right and now you are unhappy because you don't want to "disturb the peace" in your relationship but you also are feeling yourself chip away each and every day. Maybe this is the kind of relationship you thought you wanted because society or your family have always had this kind of relationship and you thought this is the way it has to be not realizing that you have a say in how your relationship should be, feel, and look like. You don't have to sit in silence and possibly cry yourself to sleep every night wishing things were different when you can just leave if the relationship is not serving you the way your soul wants to be fed. For just a few of you this may be an abusive or toxic relationship and this relationship while it is abusive you have only known chaotic and toxic love so anything else just doesn't feel right because you are so used to chaos and drama not realizing that's not love. For those of you who are single, this feels more so of you not feeling one with yourself. You're catering to everyone else but what your soul has been telling you all along. There is so much hidden potential in you that you don't realize because you are listening and entertaining others. Going back to those who are in abusive or toxic relationships if you can and only if you can seek help. There are so many people out there willing and wanting to help you get out. Last for those who are single and try and tap into the parts of you that are screaming for you to release and see where it takes you. I am going to let you know that you tapping into yourself will cause friction to those who are only around you for their own benefit...are you ready to lose those around you when you stop entertaining others' opinion of you.

Pile lV:

What is your Mystery Reading? Tarot: Ace of Pentacles, 7 of cups, Strength, Ace of Cups, 8 of Pentacles, Hanged Man

This is the only good happy-toned reading out of the remainder of the other piles and I can't tell you how happy I am for you. Whatever it is that you have been working on specifically dealing with career as I see a lot of money and emotions cards. Needless to say, that emotional fulfillment is coming in for you pile lV. Please don't doubt that what you are doing is a waste of time because it's not. If you aren't working on something you may have had several opportunities or ideas come to you that you have questioned whether they will lead you to financial stability and abundance and with the 8 and Ace of Pentacles card it is a yes. Yes, one of your ideas will bring you the money you have been trying to manifest or pray for. Some of you that may have multiple ideas or opportunities may not be sure as to what you should take that will lead you down this road and it's the one that gives you the most emotional fulfillment. If you still aren't sure close your eyes and picture yourself doing each opportunity and if it doesn't give you a feeling of peace washing over you...onto the next idea or opportunity. This path will also force you to have strength pile lV as this is not a quick road to riches and stability. You will be tested and have setbacks as well as being stuck in limbo but overall this will be worth it and is exactly what you have been wanting in your life...it's just going to take a bit of work to get there but financial abundance is on it's way to you, just have patience, dedication, and focus on the prize.

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay safe and be blessed

[possamble]

Do you have any headcanons or thoughts about Falin having a crush on Marcille pre-canon? Especially during her later years at the school/the years she was with Laios.

Just full on "awkward and slightly gnc teenage lesbian has a massive crush on the touchy-feely girly girl straight best friend" tropes everywhere. Even better bc it's the "best friend is also the popular girl while lesbian is the slightly ostracized quiet one" dynamic in school. Falin gets so so so good at not having a heart attack every time Marcille gets in her personal space. But she's so resigned to never saying anything bc why would a girl as blinding as Marcille ever like her back. She also doesn't make an effort to get over it either, she's just content to be trapped in that stable dynamic of silently being in love with Marcille while getting to enjoy CLEARLY being Marcille's favourite person. She gets so used to it that it's almost just background noise most of the time-- it would have to be, unless she wanted to be freaking out 24/7 bc Marcille is so goddamn affectionate.

Her feelings also definitely change throughout the time that they're in school together-- at first it was this "whooaaah pretty older girl" puppy crush that you can clearly see developing in the flashbacks we get (I think she doesn't even like... realize her fixation on Marcille is romantic at all until years after it starts, when she's 12-14 ish and all the other girls around her are talking about crushes). But then they get closer, over the years Marcille starts getting really attached and letting down her guard, and Falin gets to see the ridiculous side of her. She gets to calm her down from her tantrums when experiments don't work out, or help her clean up when something explodes in her face. I feel like the progression of her feelings from "schoolgirl infatuation" to "unrequited love" probably almost exactly corresponds to how slowly Marcille goes from trying to keep Falin at a polite but friendly distance (like she does with everyone else) to her facade completely eroding as she becomes her cheerful and ridiculous self again for the first time since her father died.

That's probably the saddest part: Falin knows that she's clearly Marcille's favourite person on the surface level, but she doesn't quite fully grasp the enormity of what that means to Marcille. She doesn't get that she's the person who made the world colorful again for Marcille, that she is the first person outside of Marcille's family to really and truly make her laugh. She just thinks she's the beloved but dinky little short-lived sidekick, one of many that Marcille has had and will have.

Part of it is that, despite Marcille becoming such a clingy and affectionate best friend, I think her initial demeanour already did its damage. You see Falin being super adventurous and weird at first, bringing Marcille berries and other stuff, only to be rebuffed by Marcille exasperatedly saying she's working or looking kind of put off by it. And by the time you see her a little older, shes already quieter and better at masking -- and I'm not saying that that's entirely Marcille's fault (being the weird girl at an all girls academy for almost the entirety of her teenhood must have been brutal, my god) but she definitely learned that she's a potential nuisance to Marcille if she doesn't tone herself down. She learned that Marcille most likely sees her as a weird little kid following her around bc she has no other friends. And for the most part, she was never given any reason to unlearn any of that.

And that all very very smoothly transitions into Marcille being her "first love that was never meant to be anyway" when she leaves the academy. Chapter closed in her mind: she loved and pined from a distance and that was that. Every now and then she'll see another woman with Marcille's build or her shade of hair and be like ":( I miss her..." But then just kinda move on with her day. Same with when she's going through her own spellbook and finds a note that Marcille left her/correction that she made-- she'll smile fondly and reminisce about how much Marcille doted on her, and then move on.

Sometimes she thinks about contacting Marcille but convinces herself that it's too late (she spent too many months focusing on getting Laios healthy again and didn't mean to go no contact, but ah well). It's only when she has a practical reason to be reaching out that would also benefit Marcille ("Marcille is studying dungeons and we need a trustworthy mage to go with us to the dungeons") that she feels like she's allowed/that it wouldn't just be 100% a nuisance.

I almost think she didn't expect Marcille to reply at all, only to get a telegraph (or some in-universe equivalent of express mail, maybe magical pigeon carrier) that's like. EN ROUTE TO ISLAND. LETTER TO FOLLOW. and she freaks out like AAAA LAIOS SHE SAID YES WE HAVE TO CLEAN UP NOW.

I do think getting a response accidentally sparks a little hope in her, judging by the way she acts in the chp 57 flashback-- she's pouty that Marcille sees her as a kid, gets really worked up about being presentable, and then tries to play it cool when she actually meets Marcille (as if she didn't freak out and force Laios to shave while rambling a mile a minute about Marcille). She's an adult now, really and truly, and she's seen and survived things that her 18 yr old self would have never even imagined-- then all of a sudden, the person she was in love with since she was ten years old appears, and she's so desperate to be seen as mature and competent. She's trying soooo hard to impress Marcille with her newfound combat and dungeoneering experience...

Only to fall right back into their old dynamic. RIP. At least she gets the girl eventually, even if it takes dying twice and being the core catalyst behind an almost-apocalypse.

[auspicioustidings]

Kinktober Day 9

Moniker: Nik Risk Level: N/A. Nik has never been detained and is visiting freely. Brief: Phone sex Safeword: Refer to first brief. Since you’re not in any danger I convinced Price to let me watch for this one. Would appreciate if you can play to the camera ;) - Soap

The room was more like an apartment than it had been before. You almost threw a fit about how much money this place had to throw around because there was a full window looking out onto the moonlit city below. Problem being you weren’t in a city and it was very much morning, so that was a very good screen.

Still, you liked it a lot. You were well and truly exhausted and you weren’t entirely sure you would have been able to go through with anything if you had walked in and saw some sort of sex dungeon. This though? The living space of a penthouse with a tv, sofa, little kitchenette and bar? This you could deal with you thought.

When the phone on the coffee table rang you collapsed down onto the sofa to answer it.

“Hello?”

“You sound tired.”

You did not know this voice, but you assumed it was Nik. Russian accent you thought. A vague pool of unease settled in your stomach.

“Uh yeah, last week was a lot.”

“I bet. Are you nervous?”

You chewed your lip and considered. Nik. Valeria had mentioned him hadn’t she? But he wasn’t here, what damage could he do on the phone?

“Someone mentioned a Nikto…”

The man on the phone laughed a booming laugh that made you smile.

“Easy mistake but I am Nikolai, not Nikto. Both codenames but for different men I assure you.”

“Oh thank God. I mean no offense, but I’m just rinsed today. Not that I can’t-! Y’know. I can, I just uh… slow would be nice.”

You could almost hear Soap laughing at you. God when did you get this embarrassing? Your toes curled almost painfully as you fought the urge to hang up and bury yourself in the blanket hanging over the back of the couch.

“Tell me why you are ‘rinsed’” he said, sounding so friendly and easy that you relaxed a bit.

You glanced at the camera, wondered how much of what you did here was conveyed to everyone else. Soap surely must know about yesterday. The fracture was small and hadn’t been deforming so it was going to be left to heal on its own, but you definitely had two black eyes from it that Rudy and Ale had spent most of last night icing.

“Everyone is… energetic” you said cautiously, not wanting to break NDA.

“Ha! Is Price there? He’ll reassure you that you don’t need to watch your words around me.”

“He isn’t. Um, Soap is here? Well not here here, but watching and listening.”

“Of course he is the little pervert. Do you enjoy hot chocolate?”

“I suppose?”

“Good, go make yourself some, there are provisions in the kitchen. I will work on getting you confirmation that you are clear to tell me whatever you want to.”

He hung up. The man fucking hung up and you just gaped at the phone. What kind of phone sex was this?

“He hung up?” Soap asked, popping his head in the door with a lazy grin.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on cameras?”

“Aren’t you supposed tae be diddlin’ yerself tae the dulcet tones of an old Russian man?”

You rolled your eyes and groaned as you forced your weary body to stand.

“Yeah well he told me to make a hot chocolate.”

“Offt, hot and steamy eh?”

You laughed because it was nice to see him outwith a session. He was goofier than you had thought he would be, less intense. His hair was floppy today, not styled, and he was wearing tartan pj bottoms with his chest bare.

“Well come on in then. Hot chocolate?”

“Dinnae mind if I do!”

You had a bitter fight about the correct ratio of powder to milk and you discovered he was very particular about marshmallows. He got the plant based ones because he said the texture of gelatine based sweets icked him out. You were crying with laughter at how he went on about it. Given how he was in bed, you hadn’t thought he’d be easy to ick out about any sort of texture in his mouth.

It was nice. It wasn’t aftercare to bring you down, it was just… hanging out. It was stealing his marshmallows because he had gotten some of the cream on your face. It was him teasing you because when he asked about your day with Price you had hidden your face in your mug to not give yourself away, but there had been no hiding your soft smile thinking about it.

You both chatted away while people watching out of the “window”. Whoever had chosen the backdrop had a sense of humour because the two of you were able to play where’s wally with one of the people wandering the city street being in an iconic white and red stripped shirt, bobble hat and blue trousers.

By the time you were down to the bottom of your mug you were relaxed, content. Yeah everything still ached, but this was just what you needed. A day to chill out with no expectations on your body.

The phone rang and Johnny took your mug with a smile and went to clean up while you bounced back onto the plush couch cushions to answer.

“I hear you’re an old Russian man” you teased.

“Well that’s a first, I assure you that you’re mistaken.”

The noise of panic and the subsequent flailing to sit up straight and put your professional face on invited curious looks from Johnny.

“Ma’am, sorry I thought you were someone else” you said, still intimidated by Kate Laswell more than you could ever say.

“At ease. I’m calling to explain that your NDA pertains to those not involved in the Kennel. While you are there you can speak with anyone about whatever you would like. Hell, they have clearance to know about every top secret op you’ve ever been involved with.”

Well that was both reassuring and low key terrifying. Jesus who were these people? Johnny had wandered over to ask who was on the phone since he had sussed out that at the very least it wasn’t Nik.

“Soap is there? While you are allowed to tell him anything, if you do it will get back to Ghost. And Gaz. And Price. And whoever else he comes across that day. The boy is an insatiable gossip. Nik isn’t, so you can be comfortable with him. Put me on speaker.”

You put her on speaker while squinting in suspicion at Johnny. How much of your time together did everybody else know about? God, that was embarrassing and yet kind of hot to think about, him giving other people a play by play.

“Soap.”

“Yes ma’am?”

“The brief today does not involve you. You can look, but no touching.”

“…yes ma’am.”

She hung up and both of you relaxed your shoulders.

“That wummin’ scares the shite out of me on the phone. In person I dinnae feel it, but when I cannae see her face I feel like I’m in trouble all the time.”

You laughed at him and he grinned back. The phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Did you have hot chocolate?”

“Nik! You nearly gave me a heart attack having Laswell call! I called her an old Russian man!”

“Did you now? Who has been calling me old?”

Ah. Shit.

“Uh… nobody?”

“Strange way to pronounce Soap. I hope he is being good to you.”

“He is” you said with a stupid smile on your face as you glanced over to the man in question who was now minding his own business and looking out of the not window.

“I am glad. He is a good boy when he wants to be. Now, would you like to talk about the rinsing?”

You wanted to. Even with Laswell’s warning that Johnny was a terrible gossip so everybody would know, you wanted to.

“I was with Sin Nombre yesterday.”

“Ah, she is a viper.”

“Oh my God she is! Did you know I have two black eyes and a nose fracture? She was so mean about it as well! So much worse than Keegan was and he was a right wanker. I’m actually really mad at how easily she took me in a fight, I do have training. And she beat the shit out of Ale which felt uncalled for, he’s been nothing but nice. Also do you know why the hell Rudy of all people was detained? He’s such a sweetheart. It makes no sense that he’s been recently detained and Gaz hasn’t y’know? Like don’t get me wrong, Gaz was so nice and he was clearly cut up about going as hard as he did, but he definitely could hurt a civilian carrying on like that.”

Well that certainly got away from you. It was just a lot. The last week had been a lot. You had never had this level of physical intimacy before, but you also were suffering from a lack of friends. They were hard to keep in your line of work and being able to get on the phone and just rant and rave and gossip was something you had always wanted for yourself which felt silly, but at the end of the day the longing for it was there.

And oh he gave it to you. Nik laughed with you about the idiosyncrasies of these people and commiserated on your aches and pains. You wound up talking about everything and anything. No confidentiality, no ‘can’t tell you or I’d have to kill you’. You were free to tell him whatever the hell you wanted and it was wonderful.

You liked him a lot. He had dry wit and took life with no seriousness at all. He told you about Gaz hanging out of his helicopter and you couldn’t believe it was the truth. He had stories upon stories, each more outrageous than the next.

“So… I actually did put on nice underwear today thinking you’d ask about it.”

It was shocking that you were the one propositioning him. You had walked in here thinking phone sex wouldn’t be your cup of tea at all but would be doable. Now? Well you sort of wanted to try it because he was nice and playful and you liked his voice. And yes, maybe because your body was sort of craving a little release. Fuck, your whole system was turning into a needy mess now that it had gotten a taste of hedonism.

“Tell me about it” he said, a raspy sort of purr to his voice that sent a spark straight between your legs.

“It’s pretty. Light blue, little pink flowers embroidered in the mesh.”

“And how much of it is mesh?”

“Most of it. It’s see through.”

“I will have to visit one day to see it in person. Would you like to know about mine?”

“Yes.”

“I will have to disappoint, I don’t wear underwear. And now that I have put my hand down to check, I find I am rather comfortable holding my cock. He seems eager for you tell me all about what’s underneath that pretty underwear.”

You had to clear your throat as you wriggled a little, your pussy very much waking up and interested. You had never done this before and you were flooding with nerves about it.

“I um… well” you mumbled, trying to find any of the fire you had slowly been finding the past week. “My pussy feels needy.”

“Oh miyala, we must deal with that. I want you to put the phone on speaker on the table and get yourself comfortable.”

Your breathing was a little too fast to convince him that you were totally confident in what you were doing, but you put the phone on speaker and gently laid it down before sinking into the corner of the sofa, moving around until you were nice and comfortable.

“Are you good?”

“Yes.”

“I want you to take your clothes off so that Soap can tell me exactly what it feels like looking at you in that pretty underwear you mentioned.”

Oh God, you had forgotten he was even in the room, but there he was, leaning against the not window and looking at you. He gave you a nod that said ‘go ahead’. You swallowed and took your t-shirt off before wriggling out of your pants, letting both items of clothing lay in a heap on the floor.

This felt so sensual. Like you weren’t you, instead you were some confident woman who lounged in lingerie in her lux apartment, unbothered by having one man talk you through touching yourself on the phone while another got him off by describing it.

“She wisnae lying. Very pretty. Can see her nipples through it.”

“Are they hard?”

“Aye, could be harder though.”

“Well then, play with your tits. Don’t go under the bra given it’s so pretty, squeeze over it, nice and soft and slow.”

You let yourself relax back, gaze drifting to the ceiling and softening. The first soft brush of your hand over your breast felt nice, comfortable. God you had been mean to your body, pushing it so hard. Time to be nice with it.

When you rubbed at your more sensitive nipple you whined low and languid.

“Oh that’s beautiful. What happened there?”

“She played with her nipple. Right one is more sensitive” Soap explained, leaning against the back on the sofa at the opposite end from where you were and just watching.

“Give the left some love miyala. She may not be as sensitive but she still deserves to be played with.”

You switched to the left, lazily played with it until it was just as peaked as the right.

“Ah, you must tell me you understand when I give instruction.”

“Yes, I understand sir.”

“Good girl.”

You’d never played with your breasts like this since you couldn’t cum from breast play alone so it felt like a waste of time. Why hadn’t you? This was nice, it just felt nice. Slow pleasure for the sake of it, just because you could. No other plans but this.

“Hmm I can hear the pleasure in your breathing. Just that has me very hard miyala. I’m playing with my balls nice and soft and slow the way you are playing with your tits, but my cock is getting impatient. Will you put your lovely hand down those pretty panties for me?”

“Slow” Soap added.

You gave your tits a firm, loving squeeze before letting your fingers trail sensually down your bare undercarriage, leaving little patterns as you worked over your stomach to the hem of your panties. Fuck, had you ever touched you body like this? No thinking about if it was attractive, no worrying about how you looked, just enjoying the feeling of touch.

“She’s dipping into them now Nik, dinnae think I’ve seen a bonnier sight.”

“Hm I don’t often find myself feeling envy, but I feel it for you today. Fingers on your clit, gentle, slow. Is it slippery already from how you’ve been rubbing your legs together? Gather some more wetness from your hole and make sure it’s so slippery getting friction is difficult.”

“God Nik, sir, I’m so wet already” you moaned, loving how the lightest touch had your body warming and happy. “Please can you touch yourself while I play with my clit? Want you to feel as good as I do.”

Who the fuck said that because surely it wasn’t you. You who had been a virgin until a week ago. Fuck it, it was. And you loved it. And that was ok.

“I’m wrapping one hand around my cock now. Pumping so slow, but I’m leaking so much miyala. You make me feel twenty years younger, I fear I won’t last long with your pretty moans in my ear.”

Your little moans and sighs had nothing on the deep grunts coming from his end. You could hear his hand pulling at his cock, hear how he got faster and the sound turned wetter. It was the most erotic thing you had ever heard and you found yourself speeding up as well, trying to find purchase in the flood of arousal.

“Can I cum?” Nik asked with a groan.

Him asking you that zapped through you with the force of a lightning bolt and you cried out.

“Yes, cum Nik! Fuck, I’m going to cum!”

Your hips bucked off of the sofa and you thrust up against your hand as you rode it out, closing your eyes to focus on the sound of his choked shout as he went flying with you.

When you slowly came down you couldn’t help but breathlessly laugh as you took your hand from your panties and rested it on your belly, the other forearm draped across your forehead. Fuck, that was good. That was so good. Nothing harsh for your body, just a nice, lazy orgasm.

“I made a mess miyala” Nik laughed.

“So did I. The mesh on these feels awful this wet.”

“Go get cleaned up, comfy underwear on. Babushka panties.”

You howled with laughter at that.

“Thank you Nik, this was… really nice. I enjoyed speaking with you.”

“Anytime. Even if it is just to complain, you can call me and I will listen. Good-bye miyala.”

“Bye Nik.”

You heaved up to hit the button to hang up, but Soap beat you to it. You went to thank him and your whole body tensed. Danger. You were in fucking danger. His eyes were blown out, focused on your wet cunt sticking uncomfortably to your panties. There were little half moons dug into his palm from his nails and they were bleeding from how hard he had went.

“Johnny? I don’t want to do anything else today.”

His palm came too quickly for you to get a shout out, grabbing your own that had been laying on your forehead and crushing it to your mouth.

“Dinnae say something ye might regret” he said, as if in a trance while he crushed your other hand to your stomach with his knee.

You couldn’t shout out the word, you couldn’t give the hand signal and nobody was on cameras because you were supposed to be safe with it just being phone sex. He started to lean over you, the knee on you painful and his eyes crazed.

There was a sharp whistle and he snapped his head to the doorway before scrambling off of you.

“I wisnae-”

“Out.”

You expected him to fight, but all that aggressive energy just drained right out of him as he started towards the door. You shakily rolled over to look. You didn’t know the large man standing there. His face was heavily scarred, one cut through his upper lip that made it hitch, but he was handsome with a strong jaw and messy blonde hair cut short.

Soap looked well and truly chastised as he walked out past the man whose eyes stuck to yours.

“Laswell called as soon as she confirmed he was in the room. You weren’t in danger from him princess, I was right here the whole time.”

“Is he ok?”

“He’ll be fine so long as you keep your mouth shut about this. He wouldn’t have hurt you.”

You didn’t believe him, but you did believe that he wouldn’t have let him hurt you.

“I won’t say anything.”

You knew it was stupid and destructive. Soap was a danger to you, at least he had been just now. You should tell Price, get him detained so he didn’t wind up hurting someone. But you were selfish and you selfishly really liked him and didn’t want to see him caged.

“Good.”

The man left, the door closing with a snick behind him. You took a few minutes to calm your racing heart and then went to clean up and have a quiet night.

[sadcoms]

timepetals thoughts i keep having:

i know that the assumption is “she is my s-” means soulmate but i always think he just thinks of rose as his soul. less that she completes him or is his other half and more that she just is his conscience and any goodness he may have is hers. he was born out of love for her, she is such an integral part of him, she is his soul itself.

i know everyone has taken permanent damage from the “how long are you going to stay with me” and why the general focus is on the doctor’s reaction but the way rose says forever gets to me. she’s not giddy or girlish when she says it, in some ways she almost sounds resigned to it, which has wonderfully angsty connotations in the timeline of s2. but it’s why it really works for me, she is so dead serious and committed when she says it, because she understands everything it means (and therefore part of her feels solemn about it). it has a lot of weight to it. even the first time donna says she’s going to travel with the doctor forever to martha at the end of the doctor’s daughter she sounds a lot more fanciful.

every time i hear the doctor scream when rose loses her grip in doomsday i just think that he would absolutely not have survived her actually being sucked into the void.

i always think the vocals in doomsday are similar to the doctor’s theme so to me the angry rock music is rose’s side and the vocals are his, rather than the howling wolf idea i’ve heard some people compare it to. how the doctor’s theme is lonely and mournful with its sparse instruments but calm, everything the ninth doctor was, while doomsday is heartbroken and angry and an entire orchestra because it’s two people overcome with grief together. how doomsday becomes such a motif for both characters individually, even when they're separated.

i still struggle to comprehend that the doctor wearing floral ties in s3 is canon and NOT a fanfic trope like you're telling the doctor said "i need a floral motif as close to my two hearts as possible" and you're describing him as something other than a grieving widower???

the doctor really could not go anywhere in s3 without running into some kind of couple but i never see people talk about the parallels in 42. “we chose this ship together / he keeps me honest so i don’t want false hope” and the way the doctor literally gives mcdonnell his condolences through gritted teeth?? the fact that she would rather die with korwin than be without him and have it be her fault

that the doctor, king of self-loathing, saw rose dressed as his ninth self and carrying a giant weapon and he not only RAN to her but then deliberately protected her from the trauma of seeing him change again. and then tentoo immediately picks a blue suit to be like now i’m matchey matchey with rose 🥰 the universe was ending and he’d seen rose again for two actual minutes but the doctor was so utterly focused on her.

how tentoo truly is rose's doctor, especially as he's got that little bit of nine in him. he's born out of the same love and protection of his previous incarnations but he loses a heart and the curse of the timelords and goes oh, this is rose's heart. and then he wears the blue mourning suit and yes, there is still mourning, but there is also the start of the rest of their lives together.

how the doctor’s hair most noticeably changed after school reunion to become spikier and less boyish. how that coincides with him using mickey to put distance between himself and rose now that he’s been reminded of rose’s mortality.

how wild the doctor and jack’s conversation in utopia is. the way the doctor says “rose” like it’s an entire explanation in itself because even before she absorbed the time vortex she fundamentally changed the life of everyone she met. the way he says “everything she did was so human” and the way he accepts jack’s sorry to him because there’s no trying to deny his feelings from jack, not when he saw his ninth self. the way jack has BARELY finished his sentence about watching rose grow up when the doctor casually asks him if he wants to die, the almost playful way he says it. one semi suicidal immortal who spent half of the season trying to get himself killed to another, both of them still kind of toying with the idea. both of them trying to have hope even though they've lost so much.

[mikimakiboo]

Time Travelers AU - The Night Sky Is Filled With Gay Thoughts

This one is shorter than the other chapters but I really felt like Nightmare's gay panic deserved its own chapter lmao

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@ancha-aus your seat is reserved

We entering Nightmare's bitch arc ya'll

Tw: some slightly suggestive talk but nothing serious happens, self hatred of course as I am physically unable to write about Nightmare without adding angst

The moon was so high in the sky, everyone was sleeping. Everyone one except Nightmare, he had been unwell all day, since Horror came back from his hunt, he had found himself spacing out, not responding to either Killer nor Dust when they tried talking to him, having trouble concentrating enough to translate, and totally unable to look at Horror in the eyesockets. Now he was laying on his back, on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

What happened ? He had felt weird all afternoon, starting when Horror came back. He should have been horrified, the Viking came back covered in blood, holding a dead body on his shoulder, his stained weapon still in his hand. It has truly been an unsettling sight to see. He had put his axe, his blood stained axe, right next to Nightmare, and he had looked at him, planting his gaze in his, and Nightmare couldn't look anywhere else. Had he been scared ? Of course he had been scared, what kind of brute brought back his pray like that ? Still dripping with blood and without washing at least his hands ? But, he felt something new when his gaze met Horror's gaze...

He saw this brute, this man, holding a full corpse on his shoulder like it was a feather, covered in sweat and blood that wasn't his, his large hands holding an axe that looked no less heavy but that he manipulated with ease. And he felt his soul burn. He didn't know if his cheeks blushed, but he felt his whole body become hotter. When Horror left to cook he didn't know what to do, and Killer's staring at him with his grin didn't help him sort out his thoughts.

He couldn't think at all for the whole day, not participating in conversations during meals, he did his best not to look at the Viking, not to think about his hands, damaged by a hard life, about his muscular arms that could brobaly break him in half if he wanted to, hold him down and he wouldn't be able to move.

Nightmare shifted on the couch, turning his back to the living room, thinking about Horror above him and holding him down surprisingly didn't help calm his already racing soul.

Why did he feel so hot when thinking about the giant ? He shouldn't feel that way, Horror was a Viking, a brute who's only passtime was pillaging villages, killing men and kidnapping women for their own pleasure, there was nothing admirable in that. Really, thinking about Horror entering his home, breaking his belongings and take him away to keep him as a prize, a trophy, was truly terrifying. And yet he felt his face burn at the thought of being taken by him, preciously kept away as a fancy war prize for only Horror to touch and see.

That wasn't right. Horror could kill him, or worse, he could do unspeakable horrors to him, make him uffer, torture him mentally and physically, then tend to his wounds to ensure he wouldn't die, keep him safe from other pillagers, dress him with riches to show off to the other Vikings, tell him he is his and his alone, that no one else would ever put their filthy hands on him...

Nightmare got up. He needed water. He went to the bathroom, feeling like he would faint at any moment with the heat in his body. He watched the water flow for a few seconds before taking some in his hands to splash on his face until he felt cooler. He stayed bent over the sink for a while before standing straight and looking at himself in the mirror. His brother would probably laugh if he was there. Seriously, how pathetic could he be ? Losing his composure like that like he was some young lady fresh out of the coven discovering what temptation was ? He shouldn't feel that way ! He was a noble man ! He went back to lay on the couch.

He had a future planned for him, he couldn't allow himself to be distracted like that, he had to marry a noble woman, a lady with the same rank as him, and give her kids to ensure the continuity of his prestigious bloodline. That was what every noble did, that was what his mother did, what she had told him to do before passing away. He had to marry someone rich and full of virtue, love wasn't even on the table, you didn't marry out of love. His mother didn't marry out of love, there had never been any love in anything she had done, from marrying to having children, she had done everything because it was her purpose as a noble woman, not once had she felt any love for them, for her husband for whom she didn't cry at his funeral and for her two children whom she always let her servants take care of. That was just how things were supposed to work. That was what Nightmare, and Dream, were supposed to do, their glorious future.

And yet he found himself dreaming for more, dreaming of love, passion, of someone to hold tight and to be held tight by, someone to tell him he would be okay, that he didn't have to marry anyone he didn't want to, that he could let his heart chose. He tried so hard to make the wedding happen as late as possible, finding excuses to refuse the many proposals he received. He was so scarred of marriage. He didn't know why it scarred him so much, he knew he would still be free, that it was only for business purposes, that he wouldn't have to pretend to love his wife and she wouldn't have to pretend to love him either, but he would still have obligations that came with marriage. Children were a big part of this. He didn't dislike children, but he knew he would have to be intimate, he wasn't stupid, he knew how that worked, but he couldn't imagine himself doing.... that, with a woman... It was right but it felt wrong, it was the natural order of things but it didn't feel natural to him. Sure he could lie and say either him or his wife was infertile and that was why they couldn't have children, but lying about that wouldn't bring any good to their reputation, and reputation was important. No, he couldn't lie, but he couldn't do that either. It just didn't feel right...

And when he saw Horror bent over him, when he imagined him holding him, taking him away from everything he knew and making him his... everything had felt so right, so natural. He wanted him, he wanted him so bad. He didn't want to marry a woman, but he wanted to be Horror's prize, he wanted to be his precious thing, he wanted him to rock his world and softly kiss him, to tell him he could have hundreds just like him but he was the only one for him. He wanted this wicked romance. He wanted the harsh and he wanted the soft. Horror was soft. Soft and patient. He was careful around them, respected boundaries, brought back food, didn't have any vile intentions, he was only looking to care for them, for Dust particularly, as he was their unfortunate host with not enough means to provide for everyone. He was a gentle giant. A gentle giant with great strenght. Nightmare wanted that.

He hated himself for wanting that. His mother would have hated him too if she was still alive. She had always hated him anyways. He shouldn't feel that. It wasn't proper for a noble. He was such a disgrace, a pathetic excuse of a noble, no wonder he always felt out of place among his pairs, he couldn't do things right, he couldn't even feel right.

He grabbed a pillow to press it against his chest, laying down facing the back of the couch. He wanted to dissapear, to go back home and never see any of them ever again, to talk to his brother, Dream always knew what to do, he was always right, never out of place, he was everything Nightmare wasn't. But he wasn't there, and Nightmare was alone to face these atrocious feelings.

He hated it. He hated Horror for making him feel so good and so bad at the same time and he hated himself for allowing these feelings to take roots in his soul and for feeding them with his overthinking.

He just hated himself so much right now. He hated how he felt and he hated that he was crying again. It was the only thing he was good at sometimes. Crying.

He was pathetic.

[lucksea]

truly truly truly he fascinates me.

ill make a cool long splice later. see my vision

[nevarroes]

hi, new to this blog - just want to say, im absolutely obsessed. you art is incredible, both in skill, and clear love for your work. im so enamored by these two. i scroll through your art tag and just - wow. i love how each time you draw him, he gets bigger. i love the tenderness, eroticism, and also love in each drawing.

however, being as new as i am, i feel a little behind on the lore behind these characters (your lore, i mean. not canon lore haha) i tries finding a post perhaps with some backstory but i can't, so i hope you don't mind answering my question if someone's already asked it/you've already talked about it.

what's the story behind gortash gaining weight? as in, (apologies if im awful at explaining) is it a clear feeder/feedee relationship, or is the weight gain just a side effect of cas feeding him a lot, and he just kind of accepted it? i hope i explain this well, english is not my first language haha.

Hi, first of all thank you so much, it truly means a lot to me that there's still people like getting interested in them and all!💜 I've covered some of this in older asks (like ages ago, I admit) but more than happy to summarize it again here

So to Cas, it’s not about the fetish—he’s not generally into fat people or the kink at all (quite the opposite, actually). It’s more about control and the damage done, if that makes sense. Cas wanted to have power over Gortash, hoping it’d both ruin him in a way and make him unappealing to others, maybe even make him dependent on Cas. Physical attraction wasn’t really the factor in the beginning, Cas was just obsessed with Gortash and by nature he’s not capable of "mild" feelings like some simple crush. Even before Gortash got fat, it’s not that like…. Cas found him irresistibly attractive or something, that was never the actual thing

It wasn't obvious from the get-go either, Cas began by inviting him to eat more and over every business they discussed, subtly enabling him without even really knowing himself what he was trying to achieve. Cas holds himself to an extremely high standard when it comes to fitness and nutrition (I’ve mentioned this before but he has a horrible relationship with his body and eating considering his past as an incubus and trying to live up to certain things. It's an eating disorder if we want to be real, but its a bit different since when in the Hells he doesn’t technically need to eat). Cas usually finds people who let themselves go gross and undisciplined, but Gortash was viewed differently by him. He wasn’t fat before either (probably wouldve made Cas absolutely not interested anymore), but he ate a lot of junk and was excitable by a good meal, which seemed strange for a man that Cas considered to be oddly similar in behavior to devils. Gortash still didn’t that eat much though, since he prioritized work and would often forget to eat (before Cas that is)

Cas found this intriguing more than anything—how could someone like Gortash, who carries himself the way he does, have a slight weakness for something as trivial as food? So, it became a bit of a game, seeing how far he could push Gortash. He realized he could go pretty far, Gortash even let Cas influence him to the point of discomfort and physical weakness. U know, overeating until he was clearly not in the position to fight back and if Cas wanted, he could exploit that.

Gortash obviously noticed what Cas was doing too but since he couldn’t find a logical explanation for it, he allowed it to continue, out of curiosity more than anything. he didn’t care much about getting a little fat and he knew he would, but his power to him was always in his intellect and words, not his physical form. Early on he made some snide comments too, like asking if Cas was trying to make him fat to take his power and telling him how it was a rather inefficient tactic. But Cas never stopped, and Gortash let him continue. In a way, it was some twisted gesture of affection from Cas too… he doesn’t seem like the type who’d go out of his way to keep someone fed or remember their favorite treats and then attempt to send 10 deliveries of it, yet there he was. And Gortash, though he’d never admit it at the time, enjoyed having someone "show up" for him and him personally instead of his power or his work, in some strange way😖

Over time, it just kind of progressed further into the whole feeding thing. Gortash didn’t feel the need to stop since he saw how much joy it brought Cas and it wasn’t hurting him in his eyes. So it got to the point of Gortash allowing him to hand feed him and all too and well… yeah. Cas found the whole thing turning him on too of course, not just because of what it did to Gortash’s body, but because it was something Cas caused. It showed the control he had over Gortash—proof that his influence wasn’t just in mind games or his imagination—in a physical way. I wanna say that it still is definitely genuione attraction, it’s just a very specific… scenario that developed out of Cas’ obsession with Gortash mixed with his destructive tendencies and abosolute horrid relationship with body image and stuff. So… its not that Cas is into fat people or would have this kink with anyone else, it’s that he’s into Gortash, and he wants to "possess" him completely

I went further into detail about like… a few topics related to this in past asks but i can’t link them all as it really depends what ur curious about! But here’s the tag pages in case you didn't see them, I do try to tag everything that might be interesting at some point so it's not sorted, more of a "if you get bored you can scroll through it" thing😩

gortcas lore

gortcas nsfw lore (a lot of shit here but the blog got censored, there's a new tag on my side blog now but most info is here)

[ghost-bxrd]

Headcanons for hurt Fae!Dick Grayson?

What can hurt Dick? How does the family react when he is hurt, and they are possibly clueless how to help him or if he would be okay?

How does the manor and surroundings react when Dick is hurt, especially if he is badly hurt enough to be unaware what is happening? Or if it is one of the family's fault (unintentionally) that he got hurt?

Ksksks I totally expected this ask to come in at one point or another.

Alright, so with other creatures it’s kind of tricky.

The traditional fae can be hurt by iron, and while this particular version of fae!dick certainly doesn’t like it (at all) it’s more of a… strong allergic reaction than anything. And only if he’s exposed to it long enough.

What can truly hurt an other… well, that depends on the individual. On what they’re tied to, and what feeds their existence.

Some of the other beings live in the shadows, hiding.

For instance, my family used to tell a sort of story where a kind creature would wait for us at the very top of our house, and when it saw us coming home it would make sure it was safe for us to enter and then turn on the light if it was. If it wasn’t, the house would remain dark. Obviously I wanted to catch a glimpse of that “creature”, but stopped immediately when I was told that if I laid eyes on it, the creature would vanish forever.

So this particular other was dependent on remaining “unseen” to keep existing. Another kind would depend on having stories keep being told about them. Yet another creature would need to keep consuming a certain food to stay alive.

I headcanon that Fae!Dick would irrevocably tie himself to Wayne Manor, the surrounding lands, and its occupants to keep himself alive. Which in return makes him very powerful! But also very vulnerable.

He would quite literally feel family members getting hurt, depending on the severity of the injury. His connection to the manor and the lands would mean that any kind of environmental poisoning or damage going on inside the boundaries of his “domain” would directly affect Dick, ranging from mild discomfort to a sort of “withering”.

If what happens was severe enough to cause Dick to become temporarily unaware of his surroundings then nature would react accordingly. If he’s outside manor grounds during this instance, then it would be mostly animals responding to his pain and attacking anybody in close vicinity he isn’t tied to. (Animals with very strange and discordant features)

If he’s inside manor grounds… the entire place becomes ground zero for “magical” activity. Nobody would be able to get in or out. Any kind of “demolishing” going on would be stopped by some very angry plants and animals.

… unless the damage to the lands is too great. In that case Dick wouldn’t be able to do much, and everything that is/was dependent on his magic to grow would quickly atrophy. :(

The family probably wouldn’t really know how to properly deal with it the first time it happens. Obviously there’s the physical repercussions of Dick’s injury they’d have to deal, which usually has roots in something else so treating it wouldn’t be like treating the flu or a paper cut. They’d have to find whatever is wrong with the land (or one of the family) to help Dick.

Of course there’s also the possibility of an other creature hurting Dick. Or a very lucky criminal manages to land a hit (maybe even with an iron bullet). In that case Dick would be looking at a much longer recovery period than a regular human.

Fae!Dick is very difficult to injure, but he’s also very slow to heal.

[localapparently]

/ orv main story ending spoilers , mentions of kdj's suicidal mindset

mindless rambling

my friend who just finished orv asked me why kdj couldn't just split like 2% off of himself into an od avatar and leave that in the train while he joined kimcom, and while my initial reaction was "there's no way he could just do that" I remembered i thought a similar thing when I first read through orv too? and maybe it got explained down the line but I forget things real easy (which is why i'm rereading orv) and so I'm just trying to make sense of it using my existing knowledge

There's this bit in epilogue here:

Sangah's words "protecting the world by dividing himself in half, one becomes the reader, one becomes the character". the first being 51 and the second being 49,

I think there are layers to it. Right after being shaken by the OD ordeal, kdj's mindset that he's to blame for the whole world is reinforced stronger than ever before in his head, because he had just witnessed living proof of it. And that's not something he can overcome just because sp and 999 gang took od away to take care of him. Even then, kdj was confused why they weren't angry.

There's also the persisting mindset kdj has that he's twsa's reader and not a proper part of kimcom, and he probably felt like he should bear the burden of consciously continuing to read the world until the very end. He managed to see himself as part of kimcom over the course of the story but od's appearance sort of undoes all that progress he's ever made, and its sad but its pretty common for self hate mindsets to spiral like that,

He probably felt like he deserved it, yet him wanting that extra 2% difference to prove he knew and loved kimcom more than his avatar. Him regretting splitting in half right after the avatar left and he saw them all walking away. He knows what he wants and in the end he can't bring himself to think that he deserves it

And honestly I don't really know why the way singshong writes kdj's self hate and suicidal tendencies get me so badly, I mean I do, kind of, the feeling is there, but it's incredible how long the set up was and how real it feels when you see it all go downhill.

i think od reveal truly truly fucked up kdj to no repair. like if you read the passages, its fucking heartbreaking.

"My own tragedy couldn't even compare to their pain. The sin of creating an even bigger tragedy because of my own should not be forgiven." "Something was wrong. A blade… I, I needed to find a blade."

and the thing that gets to me is how easily anyone who has had self loathing thoughts can empathise with him. The want to disappear for inconveniencing things that would've been perfectly fine and pretty and happy had you not come into contact with it, the idea that you are a disgusting monster and its easier to shut yourself off than do any more damage. and its Fine if youre in pain because They will be happy and theyll will be happier without you.

It fascinates me how a portion of readers of orv who self blame or self doubt love kdj so much, because the act of loving him is also some form of self reassurance that they can be loved as well, because if someone like kdj can be forgiven, then surely they can, for all their small or big mistakes that are definitely not on the scale of plunging the universe into a space apocalypse. or something.

but i might be assuming so. don't take my word for any of this.

tldr he doesnt split out a small avatar to take the place of od because he thinks he deserves it. which is quite obvious if you take a look at the big picture, and i dont really know why i rambled so long. maybe ill reread orv and theres gona be a small bit that's like "ohh well actually if it was too small of a percentage that became od the universe wont hold up" and i will be like Ah yes i just missed that part. and this ramble will be void. uhh yes. have a nice day