#THEYRE FUCKING W E T

[shes4twnksinatrnchct]

Just saw wet GVF footage and I can say with uppermost utmost confidence that I am no better than a man

[evil-mcytblrconfessions]

this hgappened monthssss ago but im still kinda pissed about it ok so i wrote a fic about grain just grain others were mentioned but they weren't important and no where in my fic was there any shipping much less scarian (Im the no.1 scarian hater) but it was written after the first session of Secret life and so it like vaguely referenced it cause it followed grain through each of the seasons and after SL ended someone posted a fic "inspired" by my fic where it followed the same premise, same style, even copied down some sentences and paragraphs word for word exactly how I did

im still upset cause they added SL at the end of their fic, and added scarian into the fic and because of the ship their fic is more popular than mine!!!!!! I'm upset still!!!!!!!! so to author of said fic I'm hunting you down btw xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

.

[onlyfangz]

i feel like some people only care about breaking down gender norms when it's a transgender person presenting as their gender. "why wont you wear skirts?" im a dude. "why arent you okay with being called girlie (gn)?" im a dude. "why dont you want to wear makeup?" im a dude. "but those things dont make you any less of a dude!!" GET OFF MY DICK, CHELSEA.

[justablah56]

*shaking even more violently* what the shit. what the fuck. w ww. h at

[siramory]

ok ay heres shit

[nomaishuttle]

horses confirmed then... and it looks like they r going for a wild west thang. which is like ok..

[justareallyboredfangirl]

guys i got home and my favorite pot, bowl, chopsticks, AND spoons were all in the dishwasher so i had to make dinner with all random shit and it was the wooosssttttttt

[hopskipandarump]

OH MY GOD THE FULL WEDDING SET IS DUAL-CHANNEL HUMUNGOUS W FOR GOTHS EVERYWHERE

[reanimatedshark]

A = Aftercare

he definitely cleans you up real good and makes sure you feel special (bathes you and showers you in kisses- praises you the whole time making his gratefulness known)

B = Body part

he loves your waist and butt (grabs at them any chance he gets before during and after)

C = Cum

he loves shooting ropes all over you. he sees it as marking his territory and such (loves leaving little stains on your underwear)

D = Dirty secret

he isnt always faithful but that doesnt mean he wont blow loads just thinking about you and only you

E = Experience

hes very experienced. knows exactly how to get you screaming his name and cumming over and over.

F = Favorite position

against a wall or shoulder holder (missionary with legs up on shoulders)

G = Goofy

really depends on the scenerio. at home hes usually quite focused and serious. in more public areas he may crack a few jokes relating to the setting.

H = Hair

hes well groomed downstairs but occasionally he'll leave a little bush just keep things from looking "boring"

I = Intimacy

he cares almost entirely about his partner's enjoyment and focuses strictly on them and only them. peppering his partner in kisses and making sure they know how much theyre valued.

J = Jack off

back to letter D, he can't get you off his mind sometimes and will jerk off out of desperation. he'll do it anywhere deemed fit (public bathroom, bedroom, couch, hell even friends bedroom)

K = Kink

loves any form of postponed orgasms whether it being squeezing his tip to keep him from cumming or completely restricting all physical touch that could push him over the edge

L = Location

anywhere. hes willing to get nasty basically anywhere (shower, public, living room, kitchen counter, etc)

M = Motivation

any sort of affection (occasionally even just acknowledgement) compliments drive him crazy

N = No

pain play. atleast not on you. he cant bare the thought of ever inflicting pain on you in any way. he needs you to feel special.

O = Oral

giving (both f and m)- hes sloppy but skillful. makes sure hes getting every spot that drives you wild even if it gets a little messy both literally and figuratively. makes little moans of enthusiasm

recieving- cant help but get vocal no matter what your pace and skill is. he loves feeling your mouth on him. probably one of his favorite things you can do for him

P = Pace

he usually takes his time to make sure youre getting the most out of it. though he'll sometimes get rough and fast if he feels its needed.

Q = Quickies

quickies arent exactly his speciality unless hes recieving (even then he worries too much about your enjoyment). hes always down to have one though.

R = Risk

oh he loves risky sessions. if it means fucking in a public restroom, on set, or in the back of a cab, hes always happy with it. the thrill drives him insane.

S = Stamina

he can go a good couple rounds before running out of juice. that doesnt mean he wont gladly help you through a few more rounds.

T = Toys

hes neutral about toys. he really enjoys doing things all natural but if his partner wants to use toys hes all for it. hes fine with toys used on him or his partner as long as its their choice

U = Unfair

he loves teasing you before the session but rarely really teases during. cares too much about making you feel like a princess.

V = Volume

hes quite vocal. grunting usually but tends to drift into moans as the session goes on. he is not afraid to make his enjoyment known.

W = Wild card

absolutely loves leaving little marks on your hips and ass. he also gets a kick out of hickeys all over him. he wants to marked as yours.

X = X-ray

average length. a bit on the thicker side. not an excessive amount of veins just enough to add a good texture.

Y = Yearning

sex drive can be sky high sometimes. though he can go without sex for as long as needed to. he does jerk off often to keep himself from going bonkers though.

Z = Zzz

lazy fucks can end with immediate pass out but if he has energy to clean you up he'll fall asleep once you do. (if you do that is)

[saturnsfather]

ANY. LITERALLY ANY. HELLO? AM I IN A FUCKING SOUNDPROOF BOX? DO LITERALLY ANY OF YOU HAVE CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS? I FEEL LIKE THE ONLY PERSON HERE

a Little bit of competency on the part of my coworkers would be. yk. like it feels like a small ask. just a tad bit? a small amount? any amount really. you would think it wouldnt be too much to ask and you would be wrong

[emmalandry]

⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆

𝙳𝚊𝚢 𝟽: 𝙼𝚒𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚎𝚡

⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆

Gf!Ethan sneaking into your bedroom, costume clad body stalking around in the dark waiting to pounce on you.

It’s a little past 11 pm and he creeps down the hall to your room and peaks through the crack. He sees your fingers stuffed beneath your panties as you whimper and whine. “E-ethan.” You moan out his name so sweetly.

How’s he meant to hold back when you’re spread out so deliciously, and all for him? Wow. He must be one lucky man.

The door flies open and your eyes go wide as the large masked figure stalks its way towards you and you rip your fingers from your cunt.

“W-what do you want?” You voice is shaking with fear. “Please Mr.Ghostface, don’t kill me. i’ll do anything.” Your lips are pouty as you beg for you life and ethan tilts his head to the side before pointing the knife at your panty-clad cunt.

You look back up at him, eyes wide and glossy as tears threaten to spill over. “Okay.” Is all you say and he practically jumps at you. Grabbing your legs and pulling you to the end of the plush mattress.

Allowing his hands to roam your soft skin before slicing your panties right off your body and letting a glove covered hand trace your slit.

A chill runs down your body at the coldness but all you can do is lay back and take it. A little ‘ah~’ leaves your body and he tilts his head down at you. “S-sorry. ‘s just cold.” and he nods before sheathing his slender fingers inside your dripping cunt.

You moan at the fullness, eyes rolling back as he thrusts his fingers in and out of you. You’re pawing at his cloak and giving him pleading, puppy dog eyes. “Please fuck me, sir. I’ll be ‘s good for you. Please.” And he nods.

Flipping you onto your stomach and hiking your ass up. You can see yourself in the mirror right across from your mattress. The hulking man is behind you, cloak pulled up just enough for him to spring his cock free and you barely have a moment to see it before he’s slipping it inside you.

You whimper at the feeling, his cock is so long and thick but he’s gentle. Allowing you to get used to his size before slowly thrusting forward and pulling back. “Fuck. ‘s good.” you moan out the words, theyre barely coherent but you can’t even think straight with the way he’s pounding your poor body.

You could fall limp at any moment from the cockdrunk feeling thats overtaking you. You make sure to stare right into the mirror at the man whos taking you from behind. Your pussy is clenching around nothing as he wraps his big, strong arm around you and grabs you by the throat, pulling you upwards toward him.

His other hand leaves your hip quickly to rip off the mask before putting his hand in its original spot. “See what you do t’ me, you sweet dumb thing. Can’t believe you’re letting me take you just like this. What if i was a just some stranger who would slit your pretty little throat right now. Huh?”

Your eyes are crossed at the feeling of his cock kissing your cervix and all you can mutter out is a small “ ‘s good eth. ‘m close.” He can tell you’re telling the truth. He can tell by the way your little cunt is clenching around his length. Trying to milk him for everything he has.

His hand reaches down to play with your swollen clit. Earning a scream that rips straight from your throat and he can see the creamy ring forming around his cock and he fills you up just at the sight.

⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆

[analog-kidd]

If Fire Emblem Had Tumblr Part 2

(part 1)

��annablr-staff ☑���

Introducing New Features!

Keep reading

🔪v-a-n-t-a-g-e Follow

WTF ARE THESE NEW FEATURES????

ARE YOU TRYING TO SCAM US????

😈fallenwyvern Follow

this is annablr ofc theyre gonna try and scam us

#smh new users bitching abt annablr are so annoying #yeah no shit its a scam

(946,199 notes)

💜mlm-sewer-assassin Follow

Gods why are the men from Tellius so hot!?!

Like look

ugggggggggghhhhhhhlsslcdk;nakc king cainegusdisisudapdaso sooo hottttt 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

🦁the-real-king-of-beasts☑️ Follow

I'll take that as a complement haha

💜mlm-sewer-assassin Follow

(110,119 notes)

🐴cantocantocantocanter Follow

*Edit* I know on other continents archers can promote to other things but I was thinking about Ylisse, Elyos, and Magvel when making this poll

💘no-i-wont-shut-up Follow

in valentia and fodlan snipers promote into bow knights 😎

🏰armored-general Follow

CAN MOUNTED UNITS SHUT UP ABOUT BEING "THE BEST CLASS"!!!!

NO YOUR NOT!!!!

🪶lighterthanafeather Follow

Youre just jealous that we have a bigger movement range

🏰armored-general Follow

NO IM NOT!

and whats that mov gonna do when you get one rounded by a lvl 6 fighter cause your winged donkey falls apart by a light breeze

🪶lighterthanafeather Follow

Sorry! Can't hear you with that 4 mov!

#armors stop being slow challenge (impossible)

(1,109 notes)

🔫tastemyfeglock Follow

Ugh,, can breidablik STOp summoning fredrick???

I already summoned like 7 of him today!!!

🪨pickagodandprey Follow

what??????? who's breidablik??? why am I being summoned??? I am right here next to my lord in his castle, I'm confused???????

🔫tastemyfeglock Follow

GO AWAY!!! YOURE USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

🪨pickagodandprey Follow

Excuse me?? I don't even know you!

🪚sidecharater121 Follow

Hey look! A Fredrick that hasn't been summoned yet

(553 notes)

⚜️youngknightnight Follow

Sorry guys for being inactive for so long,,

I was having family issues,,

basically I'm a sword knight about to promote and I wanna be able to use bow upon promotion but my fucking parents keep insisting on axes but I don't wanna use axes!

They keep saying that "axes are sooooo much better than bows" "we encounter so many lance users, why don't you want that advantage?" or "bows only works at two range, why do you want to be defenseless at one range?" bro stfu let me live! I just wanna use bows OKAY?!

Sorry everyone its just been a lot.

#elitists dni #or I will cut you

(39 notes)

🌠thracianstar Follow

found this weird looking lance an enemy dropped while on my trip in Fodlan.

Gonna try an use it in the next battle!

🎏h-o-l-l-o-w-v-e-s-s-a-l Follow

uhhhh op? I don't recommend using that lance unless you have a crest but your post implies you're not from Fodlan soo uh

don't fucking use it if you wanna live

🐟fishphish Follow

op? op are you there? OP??

🦴️armorcrusher Follow

OP?!?!? OP!!!!!!!!!????? ANSWER US OP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(437 notes)

🥩singingnmeat Follow

this is the best thing in the world on divine dragon

❤️️crimsonrider Follow

#this is something my wyvern would say if he could talk #anyways #back to hating on my brother

(391 notes)

💚blueplusyellowunit Follow

I found this blueish-white wyvern near Crimea but it wouldn't let me ride it!

It started to thrash around, I had to stop when it started breathing fire

ik you just can't tame a wild wyvern without a lot of time, but the wyvern looked so pretty😭😭😭😭

💭dragon-ggilf Follow

WAIT WAS THAT YOU WHO TRIED TO RIDE ME?!?!?

YOU ALMOST RIPPED OUT ONE OF MY HORNS WHILE TRYING MOUNT ME!!!!

ASSHOLE!!!!

💚blueplusyellowunit Follow

OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE NOT A WYVERN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry

(2,330 notes)

😉sranks Follow

I tried to use his lance but my rank was D

😉sranks Follow

easy website

(24,998 notes)

🏋️‍♂️chop-official Follow

gonna use the devil axe,

wish me luck!

🏋️‍♂️chop-official Follow

I'm liking my odds!!

🏋️‍♂️chop-official Follow

cleic

(492 notes)

👺foxythings Follow

Swords are the worst weapon type in my kitsune opinion

🗡theawesomemerc Follow

kys

#you dont even use weapons wtf #how tf should you know

(97 notes)

[1nt3rnalpu7ref4ct10n]

tumblr wont let me post anymore pics for the night so

✨Random Xmen Hcs that i just thought up recently based on xmen tas s1e3 and 4✨

(these are mostly sabretooth related cause big angry kitty man got my brain)

Harnesses: Logan actually (based on the animal) loves harnesses, but probably has bad past experiences w harnesses, so hed need positive reinforcement training (like how you train dogs to not hate muzzles or crates). Victor however L O A T H E S harnesses, based on those videos of cats being unable to function when theyre wearing those walking harnesses for the first time

Scott doesnt know how to properly interact with pets, hes the type to just awkwardly start petting a cat or dog thats sat on his lap and he doesnt know what to do

SCOTTS SO AUTISTIC I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS HES AUTISTIC AS FUCK

Vic does that flehmens response thing whenever he smells somethin, its not that its a bad smell (half the time it Is a bad smell *cough cough logan*) its that hes trying to process the smell and what the source is

not based on the episodes i just think its fun: kurts like a weird and adorable mix between a cat, gecko, n owl (i saw fanart of kurt with owl feet and i fuckin love that idea, and hes flexible, he can probably turn his head almost 180 like owls)

OH ABOUT CATS VIC DOES THAT MOUTHING AFFECTION THING BIG CATS DO CAUSE PRESSURE ON TEETH FEELS NICE

Victor also has the tapetum lucidum thing (like logan) so i cant help but always imagine he n Logan are fighting or something in the dark and when they hear a noise they just look up and 2 sets of blue-ish green/copper-red eyes are reflectin whatever light there is

When Victor stretches, he stretches his hands and claws, so his claws like grip onto a table or somethin and he stretches so hard his arms do that shakey flex thing and his claws just rip and tear whatever theyre stuck on, i think theres a video of a tiger doin this somewhere

Logan prob also does the claw stretch thing, hes gotta, claws are the entire length of his fucking forearms, and kurt maybe if he does have claws

idk, this is mostly just talkin about victor bein a 7ft tall cat

KURT IS DIGITIGRADE, kinda/somewhat, ive seen kurt in some of the cartoons be shown as digitigrade and it should be talked about more

not a hc but actually kinda canon SCOTTS A REDHEAD, HIS HAIR COLOR IS LIKE THE SAME AS ROGUE AND GAMBITS

another hair hc/somewhat canon: MAGNETO ALWAYS HAD WHITE HAIR, THATS WHY PIETRO HAS WHITE HAIR ITS FUCKING GENETIC

[salemontrial]

My (probably unfinished) official list of everything I love about the trailer💫

- "How's it going :))-" SWERVED. ALEXANDER CLAREMONT-DIAZ GOT FUCKING S W E R V E D-

- Nora looks like she's going to stab Alex with her high heel. Also she's so pretty. Xjakcjd

- "you've done some pretty stupid things in your life, but this-" "Takes the cake? :DD-"

- The way Henry looks at them when they're lying on the floor covered in cake. It's like he's restraining himself from strangling Alex with his own suit jacket for the sole purpose of not worsening the scandal.

- "HENRY. SHOVED. ME.😡🥺" "An urge I currently share."

- Ellen in her pantsuit.. hey Ellen👉👈

- Alex is looking for ways to escape the room when she says the words "damage control" he fucking knows-

- THEY. GOT. LIL NAS X. ON THE FUCKING SOUND TRACK. Oh I p r a y they got the rights to Get Low I p r a y.

- ALEX'S FACE WHILE ZAHRA IS BRIEFING HIM HES SO DRAMATIC

- Im sorry guys henry is so fine alexander isnt going to be the only one thirsting over henry for the entire 2 hours/jjj

- That FUCKING handshake in the park. I can see the veins in their hands they are g r i p p i n g-

- these faces this is a point.

- "My NDA is bigger than yours, I want you to know that." "You're wearing Lifts. I know that too, sweetheart." -H e a d t u r n--- HES SO FLOORED FJSNF-

- HENRY'S LITTLE MOUTH QUIRK AFTER HE SAYS THAT

- I CAN SEE THE KEY NECKLACE. I CAN S E E IT BLESS THE COSTUME DEPARTMENT SHOVING HIM IN A LOWCUT SHIRT-

- "You better act like the sun shines out of his ass and you have a vitamin D deficiency" ZAHRA HAS THE BEST LINES AND ITS WHAT SHE DESERVES.

- Alex faffing about with his hair via his phone camera before the interview thats my b O Y-

- Henry slides over the box of cornettos so hard like thats the only hostile act hes allowed to parttake in

- To the person who theorized in the comments of one of my posts that Alex was going to do a little shoulder punch in the interview scene i am going to draw you a little firstprince fanart-/hj

- Because that was so funny and so fucking cute henrys fucking face through that whole interaction was just. He looks like he's actively trying to dissociate from the situation fjsjfj-

- The cancer ward🥺🥺

- Alex's u g l y ass suit at the new years gala... its such a gross jacket guys Im sorry this is what happens when you dont have jUNE TO MICROMANAGE HIS WARDROBE-

- Alex putting his arm around Henry and Henry smiling to himself because he's probably got the most insane case of butterflies

- I'm marrying the lighting director of this movie.

- GUYS GUYS SHUT UP ITS THE KISS.

- HENRY'S FACE BEFORE HE GIVES THE "Christ, you are as thick as it gets" LINE IS SO FUNNY. QUESTIONING WHY HE EVER WENT AND FELL IN LOVE WITH A DUMBASS

- THEY D O N T KISS LIKE THEYD RATHER GO DOWN A RAZOR WATERSLIDE🎉🎉🎉🎉💫💞💞🏳️‍🌈/GEN

- He does Henry's "Oh shit" face so w e l l-

- ALEX'S STETSON EVERYONE GET AWAY FROM ME

- KARAOKE SCENE KARAOKE SCENE I SEE HENRY AT THE MICROPHONE

- Guys hes g o i n g to do the thing he does with the bottle I just know it oh my god

- "Get O V E R yourself your majesty -p i l l o w-" "It's your royal HIGHNESS -p i l l o w-" "OHoho-"

- The polo match sjsjf. Same alwx-/J

- The little new voters goal thingy poster thats so cute actually-

- The pride flag in the back of the campaign office

- Henry texting while he's getting the royal preening sjcj

- never thought id cry just hearing henry say he misses alex out loud-

- THEYRE NOT SANITIZING IT TO MAKE IT PALATABLE/POS

- HENRY IN THE CLOSET I AM GOING TO SCREAM-

- "If anyone sees you leave this hotel I will brexit your head from your body....... Your royal highness." I LOVE HERRRRRR

- IF YOU FEEL FOREVER ABOUT HIM. AND THE AND THE PANNING TO THEM IN BED WITH THE SOFT LAMP LIGHT. AND THEYRE SO SOFT. AND AND AND AND. UEUE

- "Do you love him?" "What difference would it make if I did?"

- Bea's voice is so pretty sobs..

- It's always the blond autistic boys in the blue hoodies I swear to god/lh

- Theyre just chilling in their robes🥺🥺🥺

- DAVID!!!!!!!😭😭😭💞

- "Prince Henry belongs to Britain" and what if i sobbed.

- THEM HOLDING HANDS SOMEBODY SEDATE ME.

- NO SHUT UP NO GO AWAY HENRY CRYING... I TRUST HIM WITH HENRY'S HEAVIER SCENES NOW

- THEYRE AT THE LAKEHOUSE😭😭😭

- "It's like there's a rope attached to my chest and it keeps pulling me towards you"

- THE ASS GRAB. ALEXANDER GABRIEL CLAREMONT-DIAZ

- "The night is young, ma✨" <- said as if he isn't currently groping the prince of England's ass

- She sees right fucking through him sjcjsj

CONCLUSION: I will eat my hat. The movie looks really really really fucking good, it looks spectacular and I am so excited for it. I trust them. I'm only SLIGHTLY mad they barely had Nora in it and I'm only SLIGHTLY bitter at cutting June and Luna. But I am an optimist and I will focus on the good which is that they're doing the characters incredible justice, and if I see one person try to deny their chemistry I will A Clockwork Orange their ass to this trailer for days. Because That Is Alex and Henry. That's them in front of my eyes and I think they're in very good hands and this is the most coherent thing I can write I'm still crying-/srs

[tradetobest]

bennguin fic rec list (pt 1?)

in honour of the steers and queers anniversary im making a bennguin fic rec list!! it has 14 fics cuz jamie number :))

i wrangled the fuck out of my bookmarks for this, so enjoy :))

Kelowna: Become Human by LadyJanelly

rating: T words: 8.9k summary: What better way is there for a professional hockey team to make sure their prospects can focus on getting NHL ready, than buying them their very own android?

if you know me, you know i am a GIANTTT fan of detroit become human, so this fic is a dream come true for me. it is literally great too like i love it. tyler prioritizing jamie's orders over his programming... oughh....

Custom, Discreet by inlovewithnight

rating: E words: 12k summary: Tyler accidentally discovers Jamie's kink. He is so very on-board.

LINGERIE FIC!! we love.... we love that its JAMIE in the lingerie.... oughhhh

Must Love Dogs by SpiritsFlame

rating: G words: 12k summary: It doesn't occur to Jamie until he's standing on Tyler's front porch at 3am, barefoot, that maybe he should have called first In which Jamie Benn steals a dog, gets his best friend back, and combats toxic masculinity. In more or less that order.

i love this fic so much. cute ass fucking dog. PHENOMENAL use of the premise.

Featuring Marshall by wutheringjane

rating: G words: 4.1k summary: Tyler's latest video was called "GUESS WHO'S GOING TO DALLAS"

YOUTUBER AUUUUUU!!!!!! oh my god i am OBSESSED w youtube aus. and this ones so fucking cute too. theyre fans of each other your honour

the old brag of my heart (I am, I am, I am) by Mayhem10

rating: G words: 9.9k summary: Sometimes people forget that Jamie Benn exists.

this is part of the condition of existence series, and it's the second one in the series, but the whole series is phenomenal. i replay tyler's discovery moment in my brain over and over (OH YEAH, READ THE FIRST ONE DIRECTLY FROM THIS LINK)

Pitches Love Velocity by bohnem990

rating: T words: 12k summary: There’s no use in talking about money to Tyler, Brownie knows. It’s the reason that Brownie was the one to major in business in college, while Tyler majored in drinking with a minor in marketing. “If you want to drop a grand on one night at a sports event can’t you at least spend it on a real sport?” Several people, Tyler included, gape at him. “Like hockey,” Brownie barrels on, “We could totally go to a hockey game. We’re Canadian, Segs! We’re supposed to eat, sleep, and breathe hockey!” -- Alternately : “Dude,” Brownie laughs, “I think Jamie Benn’s agent just asked you to fuck him.”

THIS FIC. tyler at the restaurant lives rent free. FRAT BOY ASS. i love them so much.

Something Wild by Linsky

pairing: tyler seguin/jamie benn

rating: E words: 3k summary: The girl on Tinder is typing again. why don’t you show me how good you are with a cock Tyler coughs and drops his phone. That’s—wow. He did not expect her to go there.

oh my god. oh my god. tyler is such a dumbass here and i love it. im OBSESSED. 10/10 misunderstanding fic.

something over nothing any day by clawsandsympathy

rating: G words: 1.5k summary: “About this time on Hawkeye in the Morning, we run a little segment called Second Date Update. When someone has a great first date but never make it to the second date, they call us and we try to help them out. Tyler, can you tell us how you met Jamie?”

i think this fic is adorable. the concept is so fuckin cute and i think its executed well w some tropes i really like :))

I Know a Little Chapel by Linsky

rating: M words: 4.5k summary: Tyler Seguin is a very good wedding planner. Which is why he’s not freaking out that Jamie Benn of the Dallas fucking Stars is sitting in his office.

wedding plannerrrrrr auuu!!!!!!!!! tyler planning jordies wedding isnt something i knew i needed but by god did i

sneeze by Anonymous

rating: T words: 5.3k summary: Tyler had never actually heard Jamie purr. It was the strangest goddamn thing.

THIS FIC IS ADORABLE i love the story around why jamie's purrs are Like That. and tyler misunderstanding. ough ITS PERF

let's give them something to talk about by Anonymous

rating: T words: 2.6k summary: ashlee @/messysegsy - Sep 15 why does it feel like everyone got #OneTImerTour tickets except for me??????? @/tylerseguin please explain (5 replies 3 retweets 20 likes)

first part of the rheotaxis series!! i am a big sucker for social media aus, and aus in general, and musician/hockey is a trope i LOVE (shout out to that mceichel fic) so this is the perfect fic for me. unironically perfect.

scar tissue by eternalvariegation

rating: T words: 12k summary: Jamie still remembers when they were practically living out of each other’s pockets, the memory twinging like a muscle he hasn’t used in a long time but that his body hasn’t forgotten. It was probably inevitable that they’d see less of each other once Jamie formally requested that they no longer go into the field together but it still hits him sometimes. The tangible feeling of loss despite it having been his own decision in the end. Tyler didn’t speak to him for a month after he found out. 

SPY AU oh my gosh. "partner doing what he thinks is best for other partner. it is not best" is such an insane trope and i love it so much in this fic. done incredibly well. please read this.

Arms of the Sea by LadyJanelly

rating: T words: 3.7k summary: Jamie gives her back to the sea when she dies, three years into their marriage, their baby still inside her. He sews her up in sailcloth with the porridge pot she brought from her mother’s house, a stone from their shared hearth, scaling knife, thimble and needle. He sails out to the deep water and lowers her into the water, weeps as she sinks into the ocean’s embrace. He sails back to land and gives his boat to his brother. He will not return to the ocean. It is a graveyard to him now. He finds a job in a logging camp, and for a year his feet are dry, his lips do not taste of salt.

incredibly emotional and beautiful fic. op wonders whether their execution of the concept is dull and pretentious in the opening notes and i think that is the worst part of this fic, only because it does such a disservice to it. RAHH i love it

wandering bee seeks the rose by clachnaben

rating: E words: 8.7k summary: Jamie Benn coaches a youth hockey team and Tyler is a determined Hockey Mom. Meet cutes and queer women and youth hockey

yk i had to shout out the lesbians to round it out. sexy hockey mom tyler lives in my head rent free and i dont even like women.

[awkwardarmadildo]

SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE REIGATE SQUIRE EPISODE !!!

here are my favorite quotes and bits from both parts (m=mariana, s=sherlock, j=john, w=wiggins, a=rich little pissboy) [excuse all the emojis, i think theyre funny and they help me get the tone across better]

m: "whos a beautiful, weird smelly boy? thats right, thats you! uee!🥰😍😙😄"

the entire introduction handwriting bit actually theyre so silly and goofy i love them so fucking much bro

s: "what is this 🤨? some kind of code 😲... a cipher😮... its ineligible but it has patterns😯... similarities in its form😲... what could it mean 🤔?" m: "...its johns handwriting" s: "😮‍💨 ah."

s: "youve taken me to a loud marketplace 😐. full of people shouting and strong smelling foods 😑" j: [allistic sputtering]

j: "youre supposed to be resting" s: "mhmm" j: "you are though ☹️" s: "oh i know that" j: "then dont say it. mkay? dont even think it" s: "dont say what?" j: "😠 i 😠 know 😠 what 😠 you 😠 are 😠 about 😠 to 😠 say 😠" s: "not about to say anything 😇" j: "good" s: "fine" j: "lovely" s: "splendid 🙂" *typing sounds* j: "what are you doing?" s: "sending... a message" *message notification* j: "oh i-... from you 😒... the game is afoot- uahhhh" s: [voice getting smaller as he runs away] "i told you i wouldnt say it! 😁😊😌"

s: "a hunk. a dish. a ssssstud. a certified BeefCake." j: "oh, don’t say beefcake ☹️" m: [whistles] "yum!" j: "oia-! dont say yum! 😟☹️😠"

the bit at about 25:45 - 26:00 in the first part. just imagining a mix of someone chasing after their dog when they hear it chewing on something it shouldnt be and "what d'you have?" "a knife!" "NO!"

s: "watson here is one of the most capable medical practitioners london can offer 😤 i am in safe hands" j: "yeah youre delirious, im calling an ambulance😒🙄"

j: "yeah, well, y'know. id rather you went home and stopped collapsing, but Here We Are 😒😠" s: "fine 🫤😒. ʰᵉˡˡᵒ"

j: "aaaa ow! that-! she pinched me ☹️😣😥! *turning and pouting at the small child while pointing at sherlock* 'scuse me! i didnt steal the swing, he did 😠😤!"

j: "lets go 'nd betray this old mans trust... ✨️ t o g e t h e r ✨️😊😚☺️"

w: "sherlock pal"

w: "i sure did"

w: "hey johnny boy, how ya doin"

w: "nice to meet ya mariana, heard lovely things"

w: "from sherlock"

every word out of wiggins mouth

every noise wiggins makes

wiggins

s: "the temperature of your bollocks are not my concern. it is alec cunninghams bollocks that i am interested in" j: "*into the mic, likely while making a stupid face* you heard it here first folks"

a: "forrester- get off- call my dad. call my dad right now-" m: "nobody needs to call their dad, alec 😒 were not in the playground 🙄"

a: "NOOOOOO 😨😢😟" s: "yyyyes ☺️🤗😇"

a: [sad little rich man whimpering]

i actually kinda liked colin he was kinda funny to me because i would have to be bleeped just as much as he was lmfao. sometimes people say fuck