#THEY LOOK SO FUCKING CUTEE I NEED TO BOOP THEM TOO

[teddybeartoji]

@twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat

MORE VOLLEYBOYS AU

[shunsuiken]

cw. luci carries gn!reader and reader is just flustered by how easy it is for him + i don’t mention reader’s weight he just carries you + also can u tell im having luci brainrot 🧍🏻‍♀️

lucifer calls you to his quarters one day, using that sing-songy tone that makes you giggle. but after a few moments of waiting, the blond frowns and wonders why its taking you so long to respond and go over to where he is. so he gets up from his chair and practically waddles to where you are and finds you lying on a couch, staring at the ceiling.

“is there something on the ceiling that i should know about too, or something?” lucifer tilts his head, scratching his chin as his glaze flickers between the ceiling and your lying figure.

“i’m just—” you breathe, chest rising, “—so exhausted. i had a 12-hour shift and i don’t think i can move a single limb at this point.”

“you know i can just zip-zap your boss to make them disappear, right?” he kneels beside you, folding his arms over his knees. his frown returns upon further inspection of your face, the radiance from your skin tone has been drained completely from you.

a smile rushes to your face as you chuckle softly, using every ounce of your energy to roll onto your side and boop the tip of his nose. “yes i’m quite aware my partner is the ruler of this realm but i do want to stick to having a job instead of lounging around, y’know?”

lucifer’s innocent smile grows onto his lips as you boop his nose, his eyes momentarily following your finger’s movement, making him look so adorable. he hums, brows raising in excitement from your actions, “i think you’re so hot for that.”

before you can respond, he lifts a finger and puts it against your lips. “but also, i need some feedback on a new rubber duck i put together—uhm, do you think-”

“absolutely—yes, obviously, i can do that—i would never say no. however-” you give him a sheepish look. “i don’t think i can manage to walk over there right now.”

lucifer blinks at you owlishly. a moment of silence passes by. then he throws his arms in the air, realisation hitting him. “hold on, i can just carry you!”

“what.” your eyes widen, shaking your head. “okay, no, you don’t have to do that. i can wa-”

“don’t be silly, honey.” you can barely get another word out when he slides his arms under you, lifting you with such ease that it stuns you into silence. your lips are clammed together, thoughts buffering as you attempt to process the situation. although your arms seem to have easily found purchase around his neck…

lucifer let out not a single grunt, huff nor even a sigh; his expression remains unchanged, that fond smile adorning his pretty lips. it sends boiling heat straight to your face. he may be a small guy but he is the king of hell… strength checks out.

“honey?” he calls out to you from your lack of response.

crimson eyes observe your expression. lucifer doesn’t mean to brag but he thinks he has an inkling of why you’re behaving such a way. the corner of his lips quirk up with such smugness, you’re already bracing yourself for the cocky behaviour he’s going to begin displaying.

“what? cat got your tongue?” he cocks his brow at you when you immediately avert your gaze elsewhere.

“n-no. just caught me off guard, that’s all.” your entire neck is flushed. being able to feel his breath blowing against your skin there is making this position feel way more intimate than it should be. “now let me see the duck you wanted feedback on.”

lucifer giggles at your tone, so obviously trying to change the topic of conversation. sure he wants feedback on that rubber duck but gosh, oh golly! just look at the way you’re behaving… you’re even kicking your feet! so adorable, so fucking cute, he thinks.

he promptly makes a beeline for his room, taking advantage of the position you’re in to graze his lips over your ear lobe, cooing, “darling, i could get used to this kind of look on your face.”

[vivwritesfics]

Gremlin

I get paid to be his best friend.

Lance couldn't begin to describe just how much her saying that hurt him. She made it sound as though she was paid to keep him company, when in actual fact they had been best friends for years and years and years and years.

She was his assistant, but assistant was a loose title. The more Lance thought about it, the more he realised that maybe she was just paid to be his best friend. They spent any free moment goofing off together, probably annoying everybody around them.

"Lancenot Stroll," she said as she strode towards him in her green Aston Martin shirt. She had a notebook tucked under her arms, but Lance knew they were full of odd little drawings, most of them inappropriate.

Lancenot Stroll. She'd been calling him that since they were kids. Lance did a bit where he pretended to hate it, but he really loved it.

"Gremlin," he said as she hopped up onto the little table. "What do you want?"

His racing suit was around his hips and his white fireproofs covered his body. He looked good, undeniably so.

Y/N leaned back against the wall as she looked at her best friend. "Can't I just want to enjoy your company?"

"No."

Yes, she could.

Lance leaned his elbows on the table and looked up at her. She couldn't stop herself from running her hands through his hair and messing it up.

Lance gave her a joking glare and, goddamn, if he didn't look cute. Y/N booped his nose and leaned back.

As Lance prepared himself for the race, Y/N scrolled through her tiktok with the sound off. She watched through the F1 tiktoks that appeared on her for you page, most of them about Lance (if it wasn't for her, he'd never know about any of the drama).

"Did you know there's a thing on tiktok where people say how many shots it would take for them to get with drivers?" She asked as she gently kicked her legs.

Lance looked up, something of a grin playing on her lips. "How many to get with me?" He asked as he walked closer and placed his hands on her thighs.

She pretended not to notice, but his touch was warm, addicting. Y/N swiped through the slides on the tiktok until she found Lance. "Two," she answered and read out what they had to say about him. "So fucking cute, like seriously, and, I'm so freaking jealous of Y/N I'd do anything to be in her position."

His dark eyes stared unto her own. "How many shots would it take you?"

"Easy, zero," she answered just a little bit too quickly. Lance's eyes lit up. "Because it's not happening."

Lance pouted at her. In response, Y/N squeezed his cheeks together. She loved it when he pouted, couldn't get another of it.

His facial hair burned against her fingertips as she pulled away. "You're cute, Lancenot," she said and hopped off of the table to 'do her job'.

"You are, too, Gremlin," he said as she walked out of the room.

***

"I get paid to be his best friend," Y/N said with a grin to the audiences of the Aston Martin tiktok page.

Lance watched her. He couldn't help but grin as she spun and snapped her fingers towards the camera. "Gremlin!" He shouted and she walked away from the camera, leaving the editor of the video to do their job.

Lance opened his arm and she tucked herself beneath it. "Good luck, Lancenot," she said and reached up to kiss his cheek.

He tightened his arms around her, gently rocking her from side to side. It was a pre race ritual; Lance called it his good luck charm.

"Come with me to the track?" He asked, kissing the top of her head.

Y/N thought about it. Well, she made it look like she thought about it. "This may come as a surprise to you, but I actually have work to do."

"What? No you don't."

"Lancey Lance," she said as she pulled away. "I need to plan all of the fun things for us to do while we're in the United States," she said and walked away from him. "Good luuuuuck!" She called as she walked away, heading for the privacy of his unused drivers room.

Before the race started, before the driver's got into their cars, Y/N's phone buzzed

Estie Bestie x

You guys are so cute together

But you should definitely get a room

[rowretro]

𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕿𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖞

(this is a request I hope this went well!!!)

✧warnings: Yandere/toxic themes, kidnapping, marriage, blood, violence, explicit stuff mentioned (gore etc),Hyper feminine reader, mean af Riki

❁synopsis: The sweet, beautiful human princess married the cold, handsome Vampire prince, for a happy ending in both worlds, where blood shed and murders won't occur anymore. It's perfect, in fact they're such a perfect couple. That's what people believed, but they never understood how broken the couple are behind closed doors...

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"Listen... uhm Riki? yeah I think I'll sleep on the couch I mean I'm human- you're vampire, on top of that I really doubt you do want to share a bed with me-" "I don't want to share anything with you not like I have a choice-" He cut her off as she nodded, feeling awkward. He finally owns this girl god damit. Instead of being all scared and obedient, she's here, pink silk flowy nightgown hugging her in all the right spots, making her seem like a trophy wife. Nail's all blingy, with charms and hearts, her lips still tinted from her lipstick from before, and lashes all done spikey and stunning.

Riki couldn't stand it. She's one of those annoying, mean girl wannabes who body shame girls that are living life. So he thought. She smiled as she went downstairs, carrying her pet goat to the garden. Yes a pet goat, it even had pink light pink shoes, and matching pink bows. Riki found her intriguing. Annoying. "uhm... I don't wanna sound rude but uhm can you please not drink Veronica's blood?" she asked as Riki blinked "You have a goat called Veronica.... do you get bullied in school?" he asked as she frowned.

"Uhm I don't know how to respond to that.... Of course I don't- I can defend myself when I need to- and I don't think humans get bullied for their pets... Maybe vampires might but not us humans" She said as she placed her goat in the comfy little enclosure, and brought her pet bunnies in. For a girly girl she sure does own a lot of pets. "can I suck their blood?" he asked half jokingly as she frowned.

"Id rather you suck my blood." she said as she pouted at her rabbits, booping their noses as she locked them in the indoors cage. "Woah there Mrs Nishimura... getting a little too attached to a cold blooded vampire" he teased as she rolled her eyes. "I suggest you sleep in my room if you want to be alive.... not all vampires here are as patient as I am." Riki simply said as he grabbed her waist, teleporting her to his room. "I doubt you had to hold me but uhm... thanks?" she thanked, scratching her head as Riki smiled.

She's such a pretty girl, so cute, especially when she's shy and nervous, he's seen her smile, fake and real smile, and its so fucking cute... he wonders how she looks when she cries... He pushes her onto the bed, catching her off guard, hovering over her as he suggestively leaned into her nick, his lips gently grazing her skin. A smirk plastered on his lips as he could hear, and smell the blood rapidly coursing through her veins. He turned to look at her frightened expression, then got up, satisfied.

"You thought I'd actually fucking touch you.... pfft you're too full of yourself y/n... you really aren't all that you know?!" as she just uncomfortably scratched at her arm. It wasn't enough of a reaction for him. "Why do you think the real reason is behind your parents and not your older sister? want me to tell you why?! you're a weak useless stupid girl who fails her studies focuses on her looks no matter how ugly you truly are. You're so worthless they went all in and threw you in the arms of me. Me who loves human blood, especially the blood of a sad, worthless little girl, preferably pretty... but you're ugly" He remarked.

Y/n's eyes became glossy. he was right for the most of it, she was more creative than academic, she loved doing her nails and makeup, but it's therapeutic, and she wasn't the biggest fan of her appearance and her parents are very disappointed in her... she constantly lived in her sister's shadow. But Riki doesn't know any of that. He didn't know until he read through the thoughts that clouded her mind. She truly wanted to die.

She's absolutely ethereal, even when crying. "But you don't need them.... you're the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on so as long as I have you all to myself.... everyone is safe." Though his words were absolutely sweet, he's being genuine, he wants this marriage though she doesn't. Yet she can't help but notice something eerie lacing his words... his eerie obsession...

Since their wedding day, he was always with y/n, in the kitchen, in their bedroom, the living room, outside the restroom, even in his office where he forbids anyone from entering. Y/n pouted as she aired her lips, lying on her front on the comfortable airbed, piled with blankets and fluffy pillows. Riki snickerred at the cute view. She's always a sight he loves to see.

She's grown so dependant on him, such a typical 1950's housewife, except she has a loyal loving husband who drinks her blood of course. "Riki im boredddd can't I got to the living room and play with the bunnies?" she asked with a little pout as he got up. She stared him up, and god was he tall, she envied him for having such a perfect waist, but she loves him so dearly. "Sweetheart.... I can't go a second without youuu-" he whined a little, as he snuggled her.

"I need to pee-" she suddenly said as Riki groaned "no you don't" he said bluntly as he snuggled into her neck "no seriously I need to" "no you don't you're making an excuse to leave me." he said as she frowned "Riki im serious. my bladder can only hold so much. and on top of that, if you don't want your expensive tailored trousers, and this fluffy bed, and this nightgown you bought me to be all wet and gross and stinky I suggest you let me go pee now!" she exclaimed in a somewhat calm manner. He sighed getting up as he waited outside the restroom door, waiting for her to finish.

He carried her once she was done, sitting her on his lap as he worked. "Riki..." "hmm?" "Can I visit my parents tomorrow?" she asked biting her lip as he stopped writing, glaring at her coldly "no. you don't need them." He coldly said as she whined "But they're my parents I miss them!" "No you don't. Y/n you have me and im enough, if you want more company, wait a few years we'll have noisy kids. until then, me and your fluffy pets are enough understand?!" he warned as she frowned.

"Why can't I-" "I said NO. FUCKSAKE Y/N YOU'RE MINE NOW. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TURN YOUR BACK TO ME AND GO VISIT OTHER PEOPLE?! PEOPLE WHO FUCKING HATE YOU?!" he yelled as she flinched, sniffling. Seeing this he snuggled her, kissing her forehead. "awww im sorry for yelling at you babe.... but I love you and you're mine now you know? you're mine all mine."

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A/n: this isnt that good but oh well, have a jay ff in the waiting, and im currently writting a sunghoon ff inspired by Leo the movie w vijay (i had a dream)

[navybrat817]

Aggressively texting Bucky: "How dare you be this fucking cute?!"

Seriously! How is he so cute?!

A Couple of Cuties

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky's cute. He knows it. You know it. You just need to admit it. Word Count: 1.2k Warnings: Flirting, tension, banter, implied sexy times, Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning) A/N: Happy Sinday! Set in the same universe as The Rejects. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You weren't sure how game nights became your thing with Bucky. Maybe it was because it was how the two of you got together. You looked forward to them, especially since they had a tendency to end the same way: The "loser" of a chosen game stripping and the "winner" eventually losing their clothes, too. Both of you were winners by the time you got to bed or the nearest surface he felt like taking you on. Tonight would be no exception.

If you didn't smack him first.

"It's cute that you think I'm cute. Nothing wrong with that."

You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow at Bucky. He had his signature panty-dropping smirk on his face as he stared back at you from across the table. It was a battle of wills and you were determined not to blink. You refused to let him win. And you refused to acknowledge his cuteness.

I won't think about his adorable smile or his sweet laugh when I crack a joke or the way his eyes go soft when I catch him staring.

"When did I say you're cute?" You asked, finally blinking when you had to. He still hadn't, his deep blue eyes laser focused as he stared.

Of course, he beat me. Damn super soldier and his skills. How the hell can anyone go that long without blinking?

"You say it with your eyes and your smile, just like I say it to you," he replied, holding his phone up as you raised your chin defiantly. Even though his words made your heart swell, you didn’t let it show out of sheer stubbornness. "You also sent me a text. Would you like me to read it to you?"

"I don't need you to-"

"How dare you be this fucking cute?!" he read, trying and failing to imitate your voice.

I sound nothing like that. And I regret hitting "send" on that text message.

"You think because the text came from my phone that I sent it? How do you know Nat or someone didn't take my phone? I mean, face it, you have no proof that I'm the one who sent that message," you said, checking your nails to avoid his gaze. "Maybe someone wanted to give you an ego boost. Not like you need one, but good for them for the effort."

The adorable nose scrunch was out in full force as he laughed and you no doubt had hearts in your eyes as the sound bounced off the walls. The fact that he could relax around you after he faced so many horrors was a wonderful feeling. "Nat has never called me cute and I'm pretty sure she was with Steve when I got this message," he pointed out as he leaned across the table and booped you on the nose with a vibranium finger when you lifted your gaze. "But you think I'm cute and I think that's adorable."

"I'm sorry, but did Sergeant Barnes just boop my nose? You actually booped my nose. We may have to take your badass card away and replace it with a ‘boop boop’."

"No deflecting and badasses can still give and receive boops," he said as he settled back in his chair. "You sent the message. We both know it."

"I did not," you stated.

Bucky licked his lips, drawing your attention to them. You wanted to feel them against yours. You needed them on your skin and between your legs. "You did."

"I did not," you repeated, your voice steady as his gaze moved down to your chest. Can a man actually touch you with his eyes? Logic told you it was physically impossible, but it didn’t stop your body from imagining that he could do so.

"You did, but do you know what's cuter?” He asked, leaning back as he grasped the bottom of his blue Henley and pulled it over his head. “You in my clothes.”

“It’s cute when I’m wearing your clothes?” You questioned, catching the garment as he tossed it your way. The whiff of his cologne made you shiver, along with something that had to come from the serum. You noticed that Steve had a hint of a similar scent to Bucky, but the Captain’s didn’t make your heart race the way the former Winter Soldier’s did. “I was going for sexy.”

“It’s very sexy,” he promised, the praise heating up your skin before he gestured to himself. “But if you don’t admit that I’m cute, you won’t get any of this tonight.”

It was your turn to laugh as you swapped out your top for Bucky’s, watching his eyes darken as you slipped it on. You did look good in his clothes. “You’re going to withhold sex from me? Please. I have a toy with your name on it that’ll do the job just fine.”

Your boyfriend smiled at your words. “Aww. You named a toy after me? That’s flattering. Do you call him Bucky? James? Sergeant? Don’t hold back on me, doll. I wanna know the details.”

“You know, the text was your fault since you decided to send me a selfie,” you defended yourself, changing the subject. It was a cute photo of him. One of many. Of course, you had to say something.

“Maybe I can fuck you with the toy first,” he suggested, your inhale sharp and quick as his voice dropped. It didn’t take long for you to feel his hand on your knee, moving dangerously slow up your leg. “Because you look so cute right before you let go. Your mouth falls open slightly and the sweetest little whine slips out. And almost a look of surprise when you gush around me, like no one else has ever made you come so hard.”

No one else ever has.

“I take it back. You’re not cute. You’re the devil,” you argued breathlessly as your legs parted, allowing his hand to glide up more.

“If I’m the devil, come and sin with me,” he smirked, his hand stopping just before it reached the middle of your thighs. “And for you to take it back is an admission that you do think I’m cute. But if you won't say it...”

“Fine, you smug bastard! I admit it. I sent it because you’re cute. You’re fucking adorable. Living proof that you can be a beast and a sweetheart,” you said as he grinned, grasping his wrist and bringing his hand to your clothed core, the fabric soaked thanks to him. “And thanks to you, I’m all wet. So either do something about it or no game nights for a month.”

His nostrils flared, knowing it wasn’t just a threat. You also knew there was no way in hell he could last that long without your game nights. He cherished them just as much as you did. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would. I can play with my toy in the meantime if you’re not up for the job,” you smirked, grinding slowly against his hand. “Cutie.”

You would tell Bucky later just how cute he looked when he knocked the table out of the way to get to you. He would make sure you weren’t sore since he fucked you on the floor. It was endearing how much he cared for your well-being.

You expected nothing less from a cutie like Bucky Barnes.

These two. 😂 I hope you lovelies liked it! Love and thanks for reading. 💙

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[dabuggh3]

ugh i need an imagine of you n hamzah at a house party and yall meet for the first time, n he's trying to spit game🫣🫣 and maybeee he takes u homeeeee 🙏🏽😫

PLEASE AND THANK YOU😖

HIIII I LOVED THIS IDEA SO MUCHH. THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!😫🫶

It’s Halloween and you get invited to a party of a close friend. You spent the whole day before trying to chose a costume and end up going with Betty boop. Not your first choice but it’s was simple so oh well.

You arrive you with a friend, then meet up with your other friends. It was a house party so things weren’t too crazy. You sit down on the couch with your friends as you catch up with what’s been going on with your lives recently. You slowly see more and more people coming in, some you recognized and some you didn’t. You decided to get yourself some food, you excuse yourself.

You’re getting yourself some food as you reach for the spoon and someone next to you bumps into you reaching for the bowl too. “ Oh shit my bad, sorry” says a tall Frankenstein with curly hair. “ Dudeeee, I’m so sorry about my friend” says a tall vampire. “ It’s okay, did you want to get some?” you say with a smile. Frankenstein stares at you, “ Oh no no it’s okay you can go first, all you” he says with a smile gesturing to the bowl. “Thank you uhhh??” “ Hamzah” “ Thanks Hamzah, here you go” you hand him the spoon. He smiles and you walk away.

You head back to your friends and finish your food. “ Do you guys want to go play beer pong” “ Yesssss” you say. You guys all walk into the next room and set up to play. You and your friends are playing, as you go to pick up your ping pong ball, someone picks it up for you. You look up and it’s Hamzah, you smile kinda blushing.

You walk back to your friends, “ who was thattttt” “ask him if he wants to play” “ he’s cutee ” they all say giggling and teasing. “ NO STOP”, you knew what was coming,“ HEYYY FRANKENSTEIN DO YOU WANNA PLAY?” Hamzah looks over at them then you, “ Yea”. “ Great you can play with y/n”, you stare at them in disbelief.

You and Hamzah set up the game refilling the cups. “How many rounds?” he asks ending the silence. “Huh!?, oh as many as you want” you say. “ How many can you handle?”, he says looking up at you, you stare at him, “ Didn’t mean for it to sound like that sorry, y/n was it?” he says chuckling. “ You’re good and yea y/n” you says laughing nervously.

You guys begin the game, and later on you win. “ AHHHHHHH” you scream in excitement with your friends. Hamzah leans on the table, head down, as Martin pats him on the back, “ bro it’s okay”. You laugh staring at him defeated, “it’s okay Frankenstein, here “ you walk over to him with open arms. He accepts the hug and you pat his back.

You and Hamzah end up talking more and sit on the couch together. You sit down and Hamzah hands you a pillow, “ for your lap, I saw you fixing your dress”. You smile ,“ so observant, thank you”. “I like your costume by the way” “Thanks me too, you don’t see too many Frankensteins” “ Yea huh, sooo do you live by here”. “Yea not too far like 15 mins, I’m close friends with the host, how about you?” “ I’m about the same, like 18 mins away from here, I was invited so I don’t really know many people but I’m glad I came” he says staring at you.

You giggle, “Is this you trying to flirt with me?” He smiles tilting his head, “If its working, yea”. “ Never thought I’d have Frankenstein flirting with me but you’re cute so I’ll let it slide” “ Yea?!” “ Yea” you smile making eye contact with him. You and Hamzah keep talking about different things, your interest, what you do as a job, your dreams, just getting to know each other.

It’s getting late now and you’re ready to go home. You call your friend that you carpooled with and she doesn’t answer and appears to have left. “ Fuck” you say as the phone call goes to voicemail. “ What’s wrong” Hamzah says. “ My friend that gave me a ride here isn’t answering her phone and I don’t see her anywhere” “ I could give you a ride if you want” “ Really!?” “ Yea, I don’t mind”

You say goodbye to your close friend and thank her for inviting you. You and Hamzah walk outside to his car and get in. As your driving Hamzah gives you the aux and you blast your music. You guys arrive to your apartment. “Thank you Hamzah” you smile at him. “ No problem” You exit his car and start walking toward your apartment but then you walk back ,” Wait I just realized we didn’t exchange contacts” “ I was just about to tell you that too” you both laugh and exchange phone numbers. “ Well thank you again,I hope we can hang out soon” “ Me too, I’ll see you soon” You walk back to your apartment and look back seeing he’s waiting for you to walk in. You wave goodbye and walk inside.

Hope this lived up to your expectations 😭🙏

[buriedpair]

Thank you for doing all my asks! I have more now! (I have too many ideas)

1: A reader who’s a bunny that can transform into a bunny anytime and in their human form, they can choose if they want their bunny ears and tail to show!

2: A dragon reader who barges in and demands gold and treasure for their collection but ends up taking one of the guys instead as their treasure

I think these ideas are really cute! I might be asking too much…

You're perfectly fiiiiiiine!!!! I don't mind having lots of asks, especially cuz most of them are shitposts lol. You guys are always welcome to ask whatever you'd like, just know that sometimes I don't respond HAAHAAAAAA

I did 1 because it was just adorable.

BPCasino x Bunny Shapeshifter!GN!Reader

Amias

He thinks you are SO CUTE. He could just eat you up. Literally! Don't have your bunny ears out around him, he will shower you in kisses and cuddle you to death.

He doesn't have any pets, and he doesn't really want to have any either. But he does love soft and fluffy things, so he's going to keep you close. Sometimes, he just can't resist the urge to pet your cute fluffy ears.

You're like a pet he doesn't have to take care of. It's the perfect compromise! Well, unless you're showing off to other people. Then, he'll have to reconsider.

Edge

Don't look. Don't look. Don't-- Fuck, he looked. You're just so cute, it's impossible to resist the urge to pet your head and call you names.

Though, it's hard to keep his cool when you're just so endearing. How is he meant to stay focused when there's other people gawking at your fluffy ears?

Long story short, he's going to put you in a cage and keep you in there forever. He'll feed you little carrots and take excellent care of you. Nobody can touch HIS bunny.

Double Down

Remember that post from a while ago about DD getting cuteness aggression? Yeah, quadruple that. He'd squeal anytime you're in his vicinity. It's kind of off-putting, to say the least.

He always neglects his job, but even more so when you're nearby. He wants to squish your cheeks to make you pout so cutely at him... It's nearly impossible to resist.

He does get possessive quick, though. You're at his side at all times, and he's threatening anyone who comes too close.

Jackpot

Jackpot is losing his mind, and rightfully so. It's so easy to get lost in the fluffiness of your bunny ears, he's obsessed. He wants to hold you in his hands and boop his nose against yours.

He'll be the king of cuddles. You'll never get a moment alone. He's constantly at your side and begging for you to turn into your bunny form so he can just hold you.

He'll basically just carry you around, holding you like a precious treasure and hissing at anyone who spares you a glance.

Gambit

Gambit will cry. A lot. You're just so silly and cute. I picture him sobbing his eyes out while you sit on his lap as a little bunny, trying desperately to comfort him. This makes him cry more, obviously.

He's so happy to have you. It's like the therapy animal he desperately needs. You'll have to remain close, or he'll start crying again. We wouldn't want that, right?

So stay with him forever! There's no need for anyone else anyways.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Black Light 1

Warnings: namecalling, violence, other dark elements. Proceed with caution.

Note: someone said August.

Part of The Club AU

It's retro night. You're looking bomb, feeling fly, ready to get groovy. In a manner of speaking. Platforms, short skirt, a crop top with a faux fur bolero. You are channeling your inner Cher Horowitz.

It's your nineteenth birthday and you can drink your ass off. At last. It's your time. The best days of your life are ahead of you.

Not only are you vibing, you have your posse, your trio of thots. You're not the queen bee but you're a great sidekick. The Regina George of the group is definitely Amanda and her svelte blond hair, but you'd say Kamlai is more the Gretchen Wieners than you.

You smile at the bouncer, a man with a derisive look on his eye that makes you want to dissolve into sand or dust. Whatever. Maybe a nice eerie fog so you can float away. You only catch half his face as he keeps in the shadows, waving in coeds and a few middle-aged creepers.

You wish you got the nice one with the belly. You wait for the silent man to scowl at your ID. He holds it up beside you before he flicks it back to you.

"Thank you, sir," you catch the plastic card against your chest, his eye glinting towards your cleavage.

"Go," he growls and waves forward the next eager club goer.

"Oop, okay, sorry," you make a gesture like Betty Boop, raising your shoulders as you kick a foot up, "have a great night!"

He grumbles and you quickly run to catch up with Kam and Amanda. The pulsing music embraces you and you feel the energy flow into you. This night is gonna be awesome!

"You guys have to make sure to get pics of me!" Amanda hollers above the beat, "with the cutest guy I can find. Seth can eat his heart out."

You shake your head, shrugging off your disappointment. It's supposed to be your day but somehow Amanda always finds her way into the spotlight. You're not going to worry, you're all about fun!

You get your first round of drinks and find a seat. Amanda drinks her pink martini as she scopes out the room. She blows a nonplussed raspberry.

"Ugh, not finding any hunky fuckboys," she rolls her eyes, "I mean, I need someone super fucking hot."

"Don't we all," Kam giggles as her eyes rove, "how about an older guy?"

"Hm?" Amanda gives a pout and twists around to follow Kamlai's gaze. She tilts her head back and forth.

"Not too bad, I'll take the middle one," she winks, "you two can fight over who doesn't get specs."

You look at Kam then back to the three men along the wall. Amanda must be referring to the one with the spiky hair and glasses. He's cute but you're not really into the leering type.

"It's my birthday," you say as Amanda's already on her feet.

You peek at the third guy, sandy brown hair and bright blue eyes. He's not bad. Besides, you just have to dance, Amanda can do all the wants but you're not that kinda gal. You're too damn weird to be the hookup type.

"Fine," Kam rolls her eyes, "I'll take the nerd."

🥂

You grab the stranger's hands and once more drag them off your ass. You put them on your waist and give him a look. Dude, really, take a hint.

Well, he's not a stranger stranger. His name is Cole and he likes flowers. Adorable but still, a bit too old for you.

You turn, an excuse too look around at your friends as you shimmy your hips. Kam isn't as detered as she originally let on and Amanda is gone. Alright…

"How about a drink?" Cole startles you as he leans forward to yell in your ear, "I think I owe the birthday girl at least one."

"Oh, uh, alright," you turn back to him, "sure, I needa sit down anyway."

You follow him to the bar and wait by his arm as he orders. Fuck Amanda, really? Where is she?

"Here," Cole turns back to you, handing over the bright blue cocktail, "birthday special."

You nod and smile. You look at the slice of orange hooked over the edge and sniff the sweet drink. You put your lips to the straw but before you can take a sip, it's torn out of your grasp.

"Hey fucker," the snarl bites through the breakdown of the Cyndi Lauper classic.

A large figure pushes between you and Cole, throwing the drink in his face as he sputters. You gape in surprise and look up as the bouncer stands between you and your erstwhile dance partner. He grabs the smaller man by the collar, knocking his drink to the floor.

"Get the fuck outta here."

The bouncer shoves Cole into a stool and rolls his shoulders. You have no idea what's going on. Cole gulps and looks between you and the large man, himself not by any means small but taking a quick hint. He scrabbles away as you check your feet, a few drops of alcohol on your shoes.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to take drinks from strangers," the bouncer turns with a bark, "fucking bimbo."

You frown at the insult but can't muster a response before he storms away. You peer down at the puddle of the cocktail then spin to see the bouncer disappear through the door. Huh, he must've seen something you didn't. You should've known Cole was a creep. You just hope his friends aren't the same.

[piratefishmama]

Crossing the Line | Part 2

For Eddie Munson, it started with a tweet. A random little tweet in his mentions that ignited his incredibly hard to control impulsive curiosity. One of his long-time followers and his best friends little brother, a boy with a love of DnD who only begrudgingly followed him after he recorded one of his campaign sessions and posted it to YouTube, pinged him a mention with a single link in it to Instagram captioned “roast him he’s ruined Crazy Train!”

Michael Wheeler you little shit. He’d get Nancy on that one, Mike’s obsession with roasting people was getting mildly out of hand.

But Eddie was a curious soul and someone had apparently ruined an Ozzy masterpiece, so of course he followed that link, he didn’t even hesitate, even let out a cute little “boop” out loud as he clicked it.

Now. Eddie Munson, could have probably been classed as a bit of a music snob. He wouldn’t go too far with his snobbery, but for some people... it was just an unwritten rule that some people deserved the snobbery to the max. They deserved the shit storm that came with Eddie’s brutal honesty and lack of verbal filter.

And Nepo-babies with nothing better to do than *fix* legendary metal tracks with their top 10 bubblegum bitch bullshittery were 100% deserving of the roasting his bitchiest of little sheep had called for.

Did he go a little overboard over the following week while bored shitless in between customers at his shitty non-chain coffee shop gig? Absolutely. Did he feel bad? Absolutely not. It’d taken him all of five minutes to decide Steve Harrington was the worst.

Even if the nepo baby thing wasn’t enough, he was spotted with a different piece of arm candy every month, he had girls and guys falling all over themselves to get a glimpse from him in their general direction, like, there were articles about fights breaking out in the audience of his shows because fans couldn’t decide which one of them he looked at. He lived in some fancy ass house if his insta photos were anything to go by which no doubt his parents bought for him, he did way too many PR stunts to make it seem like he was a good guy, and while his voice was… okay, it wasn’t bad… passable, it was passable…

It sure as fuck needed to stay in its own goddamn lane.

So, the boredom in between the rare rush thanks to the Starbucks down the street was filled with what could only be described as obsessive online bullying, his ADHD hyper fixated so hard, but no way was he even going to notice it, so Eddie didn’t even feel bad about it. The guy had so many people falling all over themselves in hopes he’d notice them that his measly little insults would probably wind up just buried in the sea of hormones and the occasional desperate “COME TO BRAZIL” hashtag Brazilian flag and several thousand heart emojis.

And just as a fun little topper on the ice cream sundae that was his weeklong bitchfit into the void, a lovely little cherry on top, he covered Crazy Train on his channel. Not just the guitar bits, but he made chords and tabs for the lyrics too, letting his sweetheart sing for him, he never sang on his channel, vocals were just for the band gigs, his channel was primarily game music covers but this one, this one he declared “This is what it’s supposed to sound like” in the intro then rocked it.

Eddie was all about freedom of musical expression, but Steve Harrington could go suck a fat one if he thought he was getting away with ruining a masterpiece with his croony bullshit.

“So” The week after he’d finally put his one sided feud to rest, found one Nancy Wheeler, the instigators older sister sidling up to the counter mid-way through the most boring Sunday shift Eddie had ever worked in his life.

“Wheeleeerr, my sister from the most boring of misters, what can I get you babydoll?” He didn’t even need to ask, and she didn’t actually need to say it, he was already halfway through making her fancy little favourite, a cinnamon hazelnut latte with soy milk knowing she probably only had five minutes before she’d have to bolt again.

“Eddie… why have you spent the better part of a week harassing a celebrity on Instagram?”

“I think you mean an entire week, your little brother released the dogs of war. Aaaand the ADHD told me to do it.” He grabbed one of the little honey buns from the treats display and popped it onto a plate for her “forgive me honey bun?” A pet name AND a treat combined. She rolled her eyes fondly before accepting the free treat. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” There was absolutely a reason, but… honestly he brought whatever was coming to him upon himself. Sort of. She'd stand in his corner if shit got real. “I’ll handle Mike, don’t harass celebrities until you’re actually a celebrity, and even then, don’t harass celebrities.”

“It’s not like he’d notice, let’s be honest he has more fans than there are stars in the sky, all of them, and I do mean all of them, fully up for bearing his children.” Seahorse dads in the house! But also, mpreg too, ass babies unite. “It’s not like some rando having a questionably obsessive and lowkey aggressive meltdown over his ‘I’m bored as shit’ experiment would ever grace his radar.”

“I’m just saying Eddie, you never know who you’re going to reach with your online nonsense, if you ever want to get out of this place, you’re going to have to play nice with people from all walks of life, including nepotism babies.” The bark of laughter that erupted from Eddie Munson would have probably insulted most people, but Nancy had known him for years. He was listening, he was, there were just layers upon layers of automatic reactions to get through before he’d visibly take in what you were saying. “He could be nice, you never know.”

“Oh yeah, his royal highness seems lovely. Did you know people used to call him King Steve?” Seemed like the worst person on the planet masquerading as a semi-decent guy. Eddie wasn’t fooled in the slightest. “Your drink, mademoiselle!” He presented her with a large to-go cup filled with her favourite beverage.

“Don’t you have some odd little moniker on your youtube channel?” She asked behind the lip of her cup, before taking a sip and humming in appreciation. Even if he was a little shit, Eddie could make a mean latte.

“That’s a persona, it’s an online personality! People calling me Kas is different, people just called him that cause of how much ass he got. It’s weird, I bet he started it himself and paid his cronies to use it until it caught on.” That was good, maybe he’d pick his feud back up just to lay that one on him. “Seems very nepo baby of him, y’know? Can’t get a good nickname circling so he’s gotta buy one.”

“Wouldn’t his parents have bought it for him?”

“Ohhhh Wheeler good one! Nice nickname, did your daddy buy it for you? Babe, sugar plum, I love you. Imma write that one down for later.”

“Please don’t.” He was already off, and she caught sight of her smartwatch beeping about some meeting she was close to being late for. “Shoot! Gotta run, no more harassing celebrities!”

“I promise nothing!” Ah well, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal that Steve Harrington’s best friend had DM’d her, probably not a big deal at all, probably meant nothing... probably.

Part 4

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Beauty might be simple.

Dust had seen... a lot, of alternative universes. There were ones where his kind starved, where monsters had wings or fishy tails. He's seen ones where roles seemed to be reversed, or interchanged.

But... out of everything, he never considered one where...

Bunnies?

Dust was staring at a field of flowers, where—If he was guessing somewhat correctly. These... bunnies, were... fighting?

On one side, had these extra round creatures that had similarities to the Stars. While the other ones held closer to the bad Sanses, such as himself...

Man, they sucked at fighting.

The... Ink, one? Was flipped over on his back, his tiny little stubby legs kicked effortlessly. The one that looked like Killer paused mid battle to start cleaning his paws. The Swap one was... either pushing, or nuzzling one that looked like Horror. And, these things were small. The size of kitten at best. Plus... they were so round? Why were they so round?

Either way, Dust scoffed. Apparently these things could talk, too, or atleast one of them—as the goofy Nightmare one was screeching.

"N-No, you fools! Get back into battle!" He yelled, his voice pip squeak. While the Dream one was trying to flip over Ink, failing miserably and flipping over himself. He made tiny distressed yips, before getting distracted by a butterfly, flipping on his feet again and following it while hopping.

Dust sighed, coming closer. He just needed to find wherever the fuck Killer went, his Killer. And they could go home.

The Nightmare one looked at him, and hissed. Instead of tendrils, it just had a lot of floppy ears. "A mortal! Retreat you buffoons!" He demanded, teleporting away before Dust could get a word out.

He groaned. "Killer!" He called out again, hoping he hadn't run off too far.

As he approached, the bunnies all started looking at him. Their little chattering went down, as they began to hop over to him, quite literally bouncing.

"...ugh." Was all he managed out, these things.. they were nuzzling him? Being oddly affectionate.

One, the Killer one, started nibbling on his shoe, causing him to try and kick it away. "Stop that..." He murmured, the bunny just bounced like a ball...

Weird.

Russeling came behind him, and he snapped over with a sharpened bone ready to defend himself—

Boop.

Dust was put face to face with Killer, who held a bunny that looked like... him.

"...You shouldn't sneak up on me." He lowered his weapon, as Killer chuckled a bit.

"Dust! Look, it's you!" He said in a teasing manner, shoving them into his arms.

"H-Hey!" Dust tried to drop it, but his arms tensed for a second...

It was just, so soft... like a marshmallow.

Killer giggled, before gasping, "THERE'S MINE!" He scooped up the bunny that looked like him, squshing it on his face.

"We're not keeping them." Dust declared as he finally set the Dust one down.

"Oh c'mon! Wouldn't be the first time we kidnapped something from an AU!~" Killer was now trying to hold Dust, and Horror bunny as well.

"No." Dust, the actual one, crossed his arms and gave a stern look.

Killer pouted, metaphorically jiggling them in his arms as he opened his jacket to stick them in.

"...Don't." Dust warned, as Killer cheered when he got them into it, zipping it up, their three little faces stuck out in front of his face.

"Yup, doing it."

Dust groaned. "...fine." He stuck his hands hands his pocket, looking away, down towards the star ones. The ink one was still stuck on his back, but fell asleep cuddling up to the Swap and Dream one...

It was almost cute.

He sighed. "Let's just get back... I swear if one of those things poop in the castle..." He muttered as he helped Killer pushed the bunnies to be more hidden.

"Heh, got it!"

And with that, they teleported home.

(Inspired by @ant1quarian!)

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 14: My Dinner With Bigfoot (SMUT)

*hola, amigos, we have a little sprinkling of smut throughout the chapter. 

Oh, yeah, this is gonna be spread out since variety is the spice of life. don't do stuff in the woods though. you will get arrested in real life. HAVE FUN!

for the less corrupted amongst us, there are some slightly spicy scenes towards the middle that aren't too bad, followed by genuine smut so look out for the warnings since we'll be going in and out of mature content*

Friday night, date night. Or at least it was supposed to be.

Things had been busy lately. Since the loss of the fifth and sixth Man Cave, there had been a lot of baloney about sorting stuff out. That new Man Cave smell was nice but it was so formal and stiff, not the kind of thing you wanted for your home, so Ray and (y/n) had made good on their promise to each other.

Not the new wardrobe thing, although Ray did take his sweet girl out shopping one afternoon and returned carrying fourteen bags just to rival every other man in the mall who was following their wife or girlfriend around like a lovesick puppy. 

Every surface. No joke. That's what he'd whispered in her ear, so that's what they'd done, desecrating their new bed as well as the shower, the guest shower, a few walls, the hall, the couch, the computer's chair, the kitchen and the tubes. Animals. 

Things were back to normal, which meant a quiet night in was needed with the two of them and a bottle of red. No funny business, that's what Ray had said, not because he didn't love fucking her whenever and wherever but because after getting scolded by Schwoz for leaving evidence strewn across the Man Cave, he decided they needed to dial it back a bit.

And that had led to them enjoying a very fine evening in their room, nothing lewd or suggestive, just the two of them curled up on the floor with a blanket next to a TV with a looped video of a fireplace on the monitor. It was a bit corny as they sipped their wine and giggled when it went to their heads, laughing when Ray fed (y/n) a strawberry and booped her nose. 

It was cute and there wasn't stuff. Ray had told Schwoz there wouldn't be and that's how it was staying. That was the plan, anyway.

"You know what this reminds me of?" the man mumbled as he watched his lover swirl the blood-red liquid in her glass before putting it down to focus on his words. He was languishing against a half-moon of pillows, arms stretched along the row and his legs spread in front of him so she could shuffle closer, curl into his side and rest her head against his chest.

"What?" 

"The first time I took you out to dinner..." he said softly and tucked a loose strand of her behind her ear when it fell from her lowering her gaze shyly. It was a bit weird, he knew that this was nothing like the first time he took her out to dinner, whether it be they were "friends" or lovers.

"What? You do know that we weren't sitting on the floor or alone in your bedroom on either occasion," (y/n) giggled, sitting up so she could look at him properly and possibly sneak a sip from the wine glass he raised to his lips, even though she had her own. 

God, her younger self would kill to know what her future held and would've died and gone to heaven at the idea of her best friend pulling her into his lap so their faces were at the same level, his hand on her bare thigh, fingers grazing under her dress innocently as he pecked her lips.

"I know, but it feels the same. But this time, you're not my friend or my girlfriend...you're my wife," Ray grinned and tilted his head forward to catch her lips once more in a slow, sloppy, uncoordinated dance that was enough to set a fire alight in (y/n)'s core. Her hips shifted and tilted to press against his clothed cock, which was barely hard, merely twitching with slight interest as his jeans gave her a glimpse of pleasure. 

They shouldn't--couldn't, she knew that. This was meant to be relaxing, a chance for them to catch up with clothes on but she couldn't help it. Call her crazy after the Christening of The Cave as it had come to be known but she wanted him. She always had and it was that which convinced her. 

Until the taste of wine became sharp and sour on her tongue and she remembered that her past self never had to contend with tipsy Ray.

"Doofus..." she giggled, pulling away from his lips, although she remained firmly on his lap, clit pulsating against the rough coolness of his zipper, "I think someone has had a little too much wine...I'm not your wife yet."

"You should be...you're so pretty and smart. My sweet girl..." he mumbled and dragged his thumb over her bottom lip as he pouted at the thought of yet more waiting. He pouted even more when she took his wine glass from his hand, the one that had been dangerously close to tipping its contents all over them as he lost himself in her honey taste, and placed it next to hers away from the blanket.

No spillages, thank you. Instead, the chilled Pinot was left to go lukewarm as her hands returned to his shoulders to keep him pushed against their pillow next and his eyebrows twitched at the sudden change in the atmosphere. 

He could feel it; the way she looked at him, the way her thighs trembled when his grip slid to her waist and how her weight seemed to shift to press against him at the right angle and make him stiffen. 

"I know what we can do in the meantime," (y/n) smirked and slotted her mouth against his, expecting him to play right into her hands and remap his territory with his typical vigour. Ray loved pinning her down, ravishing her, taking what he wanted, especially when he was given such a tempting invite, so it was a surprise when he pulled away.

"No, sweet girl, what did we say?" the man growled and held her away from him by wrapping a gentle hand around her throat. He didn't squeeze, it just rested there as a reminder that despite his reluctance to spread her out and have his fill, he was very much in charge. However, it didn't stop her from whining and rocking her cunt against him once as a protest.

"But--"

"No buts. I promised Schwoz that we just having a quiet dinner in a room, nothing that will cause him any grief," she huffed at the name of the genius, who right now was the enemy since it was his complaint that meant his free hand was clutching her pelvic bone to keep her still. 

So what if he found her bralette on top of the microwave? It was nothing he hadn't seen before but apparently, finding the matching panties hanging from a monitor in the main room was the final straw. Whoops.

"So? We'll just have to be extra careful next time we fuck in front of the TV," the heroine giggled, drawing another growl from his lips as he casually pressed butterfly kisses to her jaw. There wasn't gonna be the next time, not if he could help it, no matter how irresistible the offer was, but he figured a peck or two couldn't hurt.

"Needy little girl..."

"And besides. What we do in our room isn't up to Schwoz. If he finds something in here, then it's his fault, not mine when I want you to fuck me in our bed, in our bedroom, with the door shut," she whispered hotly into his ear, biting the lobe as she made her point and began grinding her clothed pussy into his lap, where he was getting undeniably hard from her begging.

Her dress was flimsy, thin and the sort of garment he didn't like to see her walk outside in just because she looked as if she could freeze to death at any moment, in any weather. But she didn't intend to walk away, not when she had him to keep her warm and the delightful friction between her legs, which had perfect access in the dress he hated to love. 

But even he couldn't resist bunching her dress around her thighs and pushing it up to her belly button, revealing the lacy panties she'd put on underneath. Fuck him, they were soaked, sliding over his painfully hard cock that throbbed at the sight of her rutting against him--a show only for him. 

He wasn't going back on his word, he was just looking with hooded eyes. Nothing wrong with that. 

"But I'm not gonna fuck you, darlin'. Not here, not tonight. Not after someone else got to see your panties and I had to collect them," the hero told her firmly, swallowing the lump in his throat when she wailed and sagged against him. The look in her eyes suggested mutiny as if he'd betrayed her in the worst way as her hips kept moving--almost madly now that he'd said that.

He'd be a liar if he said the thought of pushing into her wet little hole didn't make him want to cream his pants, he could tell from the mess she was making that she was desperate despite them being very...active over the past few days. But that was the problem, she wasn't there when a mortified Schwoz handed over a pile of freshly laundered underwear whilst wearing rubber gloves with him as the equally mortified recipient. 

"Wha---Ray, that's not fair! I need it--want your cock so bad! Can't you see how wet I am?" she whined, pulling at his shirt like a petulant child who couldn't get her way. Her fingers snaked to cup her mound, where she gathered an embarrassing amount of slick that had seeped through the lace on two fingers. Even through his jeans, she could make out the head of his cock straining against the denim and her mouth dropped open when it poked and teased her entrance.

"Which is why you're going to get yourself off like this. Rubbing your pretty clit and begging me for more, so come on. Make yourself cum," Ray challenged, giving her a hard stare, which she shrank under. He wasn't gonna--huh? 

She could do as he asked, with him talking so filthily in her ear, it was easy but what she desired was so close. It didn't make sense that he'd sit there and torture himself like that when it would be so easy to unzip his pants and free his cock, let her bounce on it a little until they were both falling apart. And yet here he was, gazing down at her so cockily as his hands started to pull her hips back and forth.

"But I want to ride and cum on your cock, like I did on the couch--wanna feel you so deep inside--" she muttered squeakily as her hand went inside her panties and began circling her clit in a figure of eight. He seemed pleased with how she carried out his barked orders and fondled her tit through her dress as she did until her stupid mouth got her into trouble for being bratty.

"What did I say, little one? You'll take whatever I do or don't give you and endure. I want you to cum like this," he replied harshly and the hand that had been pinching at her nipples left them alone to smack her ass harshly, causing her cunt to brush against his cock deliciously. A hiss left his lips and as much as he wanted to take care of her, was suddenly, selfishly starting to wish that he could fill her up.

This was yet another part of his game and she loved playing it no matter how frustrated she became when the stimulation on her throbbing bud wasn't enough. Poor thing, she had it too easy, thinking she would get fucked every time her pussy started aching, but he had to teach her that bad girls don't get what they want. 

"Please..." she pleaded, nuzzling her head under his jaw and kissing his pulse point in a bid to get as close to him as possible. Maybe if she reminded him that she was his good girl, his sweet girl, his cute, innocent future wife, he'd give in.

"No..." he growled, refusing to touch her any more than he already was; hands on her ass, tits and waist, lips nibbling at her neck, no more. It added to her frustration when he let groaned lowly in the back of his throat, no doubt kicking his orgasm away as she teetered on the edge of hers.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can't--please!" (y/n) begged. No matter how hard she tried, how quickly she rubbed, how deeply she ground, her release was always out of reach, running away as soon as she chased it and only he had what she needed to grasp it. 

Again, he denied her, helping her movements against him as if that was any help. The only real thing he did was seize the top of her panties between his two fingers and thumb before ripping the elastic. The lace was shredded, useless and able to peel away easily from her figure after that, meaning her cunt was bare and free to ruin his pants as she wished, even if the increased friction was laughable. 

"Fuck, you're soaked, sweetheart. This all for me? This the hole you want fucked?" he asked mockingly as his fingers finally stroked through her velvety slick, causing her mouth to fall open and her pussy to move against them greedily. A fingertip breached her hole and she screamed, hands balling his shirt as one digit slid into her and then another straight away.

Her head nodded weakly as she sobbed at finally having something to clench around but it was nowhere near enough. Not when she was used to stretching around his girth as he pounded the life out of her.

"More--please--need your--cock--"

"How many times, filthy girl? I'm not fucking you right now, you can cum on my hand," Ray tried to remain firm, scissoring his fingers to try and make them feel bigger. Honestly, he didn't care about Schwoz, it was his Man Cave, he'd fuck his fiancée wherever he liked but it provided a good excuse to tease her and drag their date out a little more. 

He loved her like this and had planned to woo her, bed her, make love to her during the evening, forgetting his promise to Schwoz. Although, he didn't expect to be quite like this.

"But--but you could fuck me, fuck my pussy...anywhere," his fingers stilled inside her and his eyes met hers with a steely gaze, causing her to carry on with needy confidence, "you said you would and you still haven't. Captain, why haven't you fucked my ass yet?"

The effect was instantaneous and better than she could have ever imagined. Ray's hand was ripped from her cunt and she whined at that, only to whimper when he roared and pushed her to the blanket roughly. Within seconds, he was swiftly crawling up her body whilst simultaneously fumbling to free his weeping member, which was straining after that suggestion.

That had been pushed to the back of their minds, on the table but ignored for now since they'd never had enough time to do it safely and properly but that didn't mean he wasn't desperate to try it. He still wanted to see her every hole claimed, sated and owned by him, so her teasing rose the beast within him that wanted her on all fours for him to see.

"You're so bad--bad fucking girl. My girl," he grumbled in her ear as she braced herself on her hands and knees, skirt flicked over her ass, and looked back to see his perfect, glorious cock pulled from his zipper. He was leaking, an angry-red colour and bobbing deliciously as he hissed from the cool air; it was clear that he couldn't be bothered to properly take off their clothing, not after she'd said that.

"I'm gonna fuck this pussy so hard and then, if you're lucky, I might start practising stretching this hole out, ready for my--" Ray rambled, letting himself get lost in the fantasy as his head pressed against her entrance and gently began to break her open. The burn was heavenly and (y/n) groaned throatily at the relief it provided, thinking they were the only people in the world at that moment.

That is until she looked up and saw through blurry eyes how the door handle was turning. 

With a squeal, she instinctively crawled forward and away from Ray, snatching a blanket from the pile next to their nibbled-at dinner and draped it across her lap quicker than her lover could blink or keep hold of her.

"What the fuc--" he snarled, outraged and confused that she'd moved away at such a crucial moment when he was half-cocked and dying to slip inside her walls. Seeing nothing but red, he thought that she was playing some devilish game and so, he went to grab her, intent on spanking her ass until it was red and sore and in need of her superpower to make it better. But then he saw it too.

The doorknob had made a half-rotation and he only had a fraction of a second to yank a cushion from next to her head and press it into his crotch when the door was pushed open by the one person Ray did not want to see at that moment. 

They'd fallen against the pillows, panting, sweaty and trying to appear as if they'd merely been sipping wine and not on the verge of fucking, when Jasper entered the room, staring at his phone and unaware as to what he'd walked in on. 

Of course, it was him.

"J-Jasper, what are you doing in our bedroom?" (y/n) asked breathlessly, trying to fan her warm cheeks in a subtle way that wasn't subtle at all. Anyone with half a brain could realise what had been going on just by how warm and close the air was, how warm and close they were, if they only took a minute to observe. 

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" Ray asked darkly, glaring at the boy as he felt his cock soften and the mood vanish. He was still desperate, raring to go and would give anything to slide into his sweet girl had he not rudely interrupted. 

"Oh, uh, yeah...you said that you were gonna join me and Henry tonight, remember?" the boy said, looking up from his phone to see nothing out of the ordinary.

It was damn lucky that Jasper only had a quarter of a brain, otherwise, they'd have a lot of explaining to do with very red faces. But he was oblivious to their sticky foreheads and stiff shoulders, plus the way Ray refused to move the cushion from his pants as he thought about the boy's words.

"Oh...yeah. That," he mumbled, sending an apologetic glace to his puzzled lover, who hadn't heard of this arrangement before. What a fool Ray was; he'd agreed to the boys' night with the teens since they rarely had any guy time. So, tonight they were gonna be reckless, dumb and crazy, keeping their youth alive. And it seemed that he'd double-booked the date too. Oh, hell.

"What? Look, Jasper, I'm sorry but Ray's gonna have to miss whatever you've planned 'cause we've still got half a bottle to finish as well as something else, so--" she laughed nervously, feeling highly uncomfortable that her dearest Curly was in the room when she was aching on the inside. 

She didn't care about whatever they'd planned, she thought Ray would choose her over a stupid night playing video games and eating candy. How wrong she was.

"So, just gimme a minute. I'll be right there," Ray told Jasper, gulping to keep his voice steady as (y/n) looked at him with shocked, wide eyes and an open mouth. The boy grinned and walked off, calling to Henry down the hall to get the popsicles from the freezer, leaving the woman to gawk in silence as they breathed again.

"Wh--what? You can't leave me here!" she gasped as she relaxed into the blanket and expected Ray to do the same, but no. When he said he'd be right there, he meant it and was already tucking himself away and doing up his zipper as she laid there, still wet and needy. 

He looked sorry, apologetic and remorseful but even so, that didn't stop him from standing up to grab a moist napkin from their dinner table to dab away any embarrassing stains and freshen himself up. 

"Precious girl, this is my fault. We arranged this night ages ago and I can't let Henry down...or the other one," Ray told her gently as he finished scrubbing himself and threw the napkin onto the tray again. She scoffed as he looked in the mirror and ran a hand through his tousled locks, smiling softly as she scowled and stamped her foot against the carpet. It was childish but she was distraught.

"But you can't leave me here without fucking me first..." the heroine muttered and grabbed the leftover wine to take a large swig--much-needed fortification to quench the blaze inside of her. The burn in her throat was unpleasant and made her eyes water but she hid the discomfort well, welcoming it to mask her frustration. How could he walk away? Was he not burning up as she was?

"I promise I'll fuck you later, yeah? Later, I swear," he insisted, deeming his appearance suitable enough to show a couple of teenagers and stepping away from the mirror. His smile met her glare and he leaned down to kiss her goodbye, probably the last one of the night since they were set to pull an all-nighter. However, (y/n) couldn't help but linger and try to swipe his tongue into his mouth--a play to entice him back that ultimately failed.

"Later. I'm holding you to that," she said to him firmly as he pulled away before his semi could return at full force. He couldn't deny that he still wanted her and was equally frustrated but he had to hide it well for the kids. They didn't need to see that.

"Later," he repeated and with one final peck on her forehead, he swept out of the room, leaving her a trembling mess in their rudimentary picnic spot. She'd finish herself off to the roaring of the fake fire but it wasn't enough. It could never be and she couldn't help but wonder.

Was Jasper an idiot or was he just being purposefully annoying?

*SAFETY AT LAST. Not my best but we've more yet to come, so stay tuned my fellow sinners--Onwards with the episode!*

~Many long hours later~

Annoying. Very annoying. They all were so damn annoying. One, two and three.

(y/n) had slept alone that night, had gone to bed in a frightful mood and all because of their stupid, ridiculous, testosterone-fuelled party. And it was a party—a big one. 

At one point, she'd woken up at three-thirty to go pee when she heard their rowdy voices in the main room, shouting something about Henry finishing an entire can of soda in eight seconds. Full sugar, no doubt, that's what they ran off for the past god knows how long. The binge hadn't stopped when the sun rose, not when their sugar highs nosedived and not when Charlotte came to work at nine to see a very grumpy woman sitting in the chaos as she'd tried to eat breakfast. 

For the life of her, Charlotte couldn't work out why the heroine was so grumpy and tetchy, it wasn't like her at all but in the end, she'd put her snide remarks and long sighs down to her being tired and moody from Ray's antics. 

Hell, she'd only been there five minutes and she was tired from their conga line, so to escape from the tornado of pizza and smelly armpits, the girls had legged it to the safety of a cafe for the morning, hoping that by the time they'd finished gossiping and sipping cappuccinos, they'd be sleeping it off on the floor or couch. That was so naive of them.

It's how they'd ended up where they were now; one of the boys, assisting in something bovine and moronic frolic that required more players than they had. What the hell even was a haircut chain?

"How's it lookin', Henry?" Jasper asked his friend as the boy stood behind him. This was their big idea; they each stand behind one another with lasers--very dangerous, highly unpredictable lasers--so that they could give each other haircuts. Yeah, Charlotte and (y/n) didn't understand either.

"Lookin' gooood!" Henry replied with a smirk as he lightly trimmed Jasper's hair so it was a gradual fade and not a severe cut. The lasers were at their weakest setting, which meant they were being irresponsibly complacent since they merely saw it as a free haircut, nothing more. "How's it lookin', Ray?"

"Lookin' ooooookay!" the man said happily as he zapped at the stray hairs on his sidekick with an experienced hand. Behind him, his sweet girl and Charlotte were doing the same to him, although the woman needed to stand on a ladder held steady by the girl to match his tall stature. She was still thrumming on the inside, she could feel it when she walked and could see it in his gaze when they'd come home but still, the wait went on. 

"How's it lookin', sweet girl? Charlotte?"

"We do not know what we're doing, doofus," she replied dryly, squinting to ensure that she was cutting in a straight line. She'd never cut her hair let alone someone else's and as it happened, she was quite fond of Ray's floppy floof. She didn't want to see it ruined so she was trying her best to not mess it up, but it was hard when she and Charlotte kept swapping to take turns on the ladder.

"What?!" Ray suddenly exclaimed and raised a hand to shield his brown locks as they ceased lasering. His hair was practically sacred, one of Captain Man's best features, to cut it without some skill was sacrilege. "Why would you mess with the Man Mane if you don't know what you're doing?"

"You told us it didn't matter!" Charlotte argued, wondering why he was being so crabby too. She didn't know if the happy couple were in the middle of a domestic or what but fifteen hours of sugar and soda had not helped the man, who was getting to be strangely antsy.

"When did I say that?" Ray asked in an innocent tone, although he remembered the precise moment quite well.

"Ten minutes ago, you doofus? Remember? When we walked out of the elevator and found you guys dancing around chanting, haircut chain, haircut chain, haircut chain!" the heroine refrained from punching his shoulder, knowing that if she did, the contact might make her spontaneously combust. The coffee was still fresh on her tongue as well as the fluttering from the butterflies after seeing him again...

~

"Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain!" Ray, Henry and Jasper chanted as they paraded around the Man Cave, waiting for the return of the girls.

They could hear the elevator coming down and were eagerly anticipating getting them to join, so it was quite the surprise for the two friends to step into the main room and see them so excited. As painful as it was to see them still so energetic, it warmed (y/n)'s heart to see her doofus again after four hours and three iced hazelnut lattes later; maybe it was her, but his gaze seemed ravenous for a split second before his cheerful grin resumed. 

"Hey! We're gonna cut each other's hair!" Henry exclaimed, not caring if they were still holding their final takeout cups of Jet Brew. He was on his fifteenth popsicle, caring wasn't an option anymore.

"With lasers!" Jasper shrieked and (y/n) shared a look with Charlotte when his breath practically tore their faces off, Maybe leaving them unsupervised was a bad idea, but damn, they'd needed that coffee to pull through whatever this was.

"You in?!" Henry offered with a determined glint in his eyes that they didn't share. 

"I do not know how to give a haircut with a laser."

"Yeah, me neither," they told him, wanting to make sure that they were aware that if they went near their beloved styles, there could be irreversible consequences. But as always, Ray wasn't a responsible adult and when his lover turned to look at him with fleeting eyes, he ignored any warning since it put a dampener on his spirits.

"Doesn't matter!" Well, he was the one who said it. That counted as permission in their eyes, the terms and conditions that hadn't been read but regardless, they'd accepted them. 

"Then, okay..."

"I still say this is a bad idea," (y/n) muttered and took a long sip from her latte, letting its familiar milkiness take her back to her younger days. She knew that the haircuts were gonna be a disaster just from the way the chanting started up again, although this time, lasers were fired at the ceiling.

"Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain!" the boys shouted, firing laser after laser at the rock face above their heads. Ray only stopped to kiss his sweet girl after hours of not seeing her properly but when she went to cup his face and linger, he pulled away to start dancing with his fellow gibbons. 

You'd think he'd be a little more clingy considering that he hadn't crawled into bed with her that night and had been sorely missed by his sweet girl but that would come later, once the sugar tap had been turned off. The (y/n) withdrawal symptoms would come back with full force and so would his bone-crushing hugs and need to kiss her frequently - amongst other things. 

~

"That didn't happen," Henry shook his head and peeled his eyes away from where he was lasering to look back at the girls. He was tired, sluggish and fuzzy so they didn't believe him, even if it was three against two.

"Yes, it did!"

"Who are you going to believe, Charlotte? Your own flawed memory or three guys who've been up all night playing video games and eating popsicles?" Ray asked and pursed his lips as he recalled the long night he'd just experienced. 

Truth be told, he was getting a little too old for that kind of thing and looking at the pile of popsicle sticks on the table, he knew he'd have acid reflux at some point--it was just one of those things. Getting a good night's sleep after finishing his still unfinished business with his sweet girl sounded much better, but he was way too proud to admit that. 

"Yeah, that's not a tough choice, you morons," (y/n) said with a scoff, although her point was marred slightly when she leaned forward on the ladder to press a kiss to the nape of Ray's neck. She enjoyed watching him shiver and hoped that he was reminded about what his fun night had cost, something that highly amused Charlotte as she stopped the ladder from tipping.

"Yeah, exactly. Popsicle boys!" the kid squeaked immaturely and in a move that somewhat disturbed the insulted girls, wiggled his fingers against Ray's as they made a stupid sound. The hero might've been shaking from the inrush of cold air after his lover had her lips on him but he didn't miss a beat, unlike Henry, who missed an awful lot since his focus was elsewhere.

"You might wanna look where you're lasering," Charlotte advised. She wasn't the one on a platform like (y/n) but even from her position, she had an excellent view of Henry's lack of movement, meaning she could see how he'd been going over the same spot on Jasper's head for the past three minutes. It kinda looked like a mole rat now, smooth and fully shaved, not what the boy had asked for. 

"You better look where (y/n)'s lasering!--ah!" he retorted cockily, thinking that she was simply buying into the playful banter until his gaze wandered back to his work to see that what was once a masterpiece was now ruined. 

From his ear downwards, Jasper's hair was gone; it kinda looked like a mole rat now, smooth and fully shaved, not what the boy had asked for, meaning a horrified, squeaky gasp fell from Henry's lips. 

"What was that?" Jasper asked nervously as he felt the gentle heat on his head stop and a draft brush against his skin. It didn't feel like any other haircut he'd had given how cold everything felt and it was like he could sense their stares burning into the back of his head as if something had gone wrong. 

"Uh...nothing," Henry stammered, wondering how he was gonna fix the mistake if there was no hair left to work with when Schwoz came through the secret door, minding his own business and carrying a picnic basket. 

"No, no, no, you tiny screamed," Jasper tried to bring his focus back, knowing that his friend only screeched like that when something was wrong.

"Uh, dude, it was nothing--Hey, Schwoz! Random question...do you have anything that regrows hair?"

"What?!" The boy's hand flew to the back of his head as he heard the not-so-subtle question and even he understood that Henry was trying to say that he'd screwed up the haircut chain. The genius was so conveniently in the room now and so, Henry thought that he'd have a solution since that was his expertise and helpfully, he did. 

"Don't worry, I got something," Schwoz reassured them, seeing the utter panic on Jasper's face and the guilt on Henry's, so he pulled a tube from his pocket and tossed it to the shaved kid, "this hair-growing cream works great. I've been using it on the sides and back of my head for years."

"Any instructions for this stuff?" Jasper questioned as he looked at the tube dubiously. It didn't have any legible writing on it and Schwoz was already off out somewhere, so it didn't give him the best feeling, even if Schwoz's hair (or what was left of it) was thick and luscious. 

"Oh, yeah. Lots of 'em! But I don't have time to tell you right now because I'm late for my dinner with Bigfoot," Schwoz replied and lifted the basket over his head so he could disappear up the tube and not have to worry about Jasper and his lack of hair problem. But he couldn't leave, not after dropping a bomb like that--something about Bigfoot?

"Whaaaaat?"

"Hang on..."

"Wait, stop, stop, stop!" the remaining five rambled, focusing on the genius who rolled his eyes at their confused expressions and raised the tube again. He was getting very late and didn't have time for any questions, even if they now had a million of them. 

"What?"

"Bigfoot?!" Ray repeated as he held out a hand for (y/n) to steady herself coming off the ladder. Back on solid ground, she held onto his doofus' hand as they huddled together to grill Schwoz on how he could be friends with a mythical, rampaging thing in the woods and not tell them. They must've heard him wrong, there was no way that it was the Bigfoot. 

"Like, Bigfoot Bigfoot?"

"Yah." Or not. Schwoz wasn't laughing or holding in giggles, he was being deadly serious about meeting up with the hulking creature, something that they just couldn't believe since it was so outlandish. 

"The Bigfoot?" Jasper questioned, leaving his smooth nape alone for a minute since this had piqued his interest. Bigfoot...and people thought he was strange. 

"Like, the made-up creature who lives in the woods?" (y/n) asked, wanting to clarify that they were definitely talking about the thing that supposedly scared campers and hikers. She often prided herself on being quite open-minded, she was an engineer after all, but like the others, she was thinking one thing; Schwoz had either been sniffing glue or watching too much of the conspiracy channel again. 

"He's not made up, he dated my sister," the small replied, which both shocked them and made a lot of sense at the same time. They could get over that Bigfoot existed, but Winnie getting a date? Jeez, the poor guy probably had to give her bags of carrots instead of bunches of flowers.

"Your sister dated Bigfoot?!"

"Yeah, it didn't work out between them, he wanted kids, she didn't but I always thought he was a chill hang," Schwoz shrugged, remembering all of the drama that always ensued when a couple broke up and the drama that ensued afterwards when he and Biggie remained friends. He was glad that his favourite couple would never go through that, it's why he liked living with them despite the ickiness and incidents--no chance of it ending, not ever. 

"Can we go with you?" Henry requested eagerly. It's not that he was nosy, rather, he wanted to see if Schwoz was lying or not. Anyone would jump at a chance of seeing Bigfoot in the flesh and the others had the same mindset.

"Oh, yeah!"

"Yes, yes, please?!"

"Come on!" they clapped their hands excitedly and looked at him expectantly, which put Schwoz in an awkward position. It's not like he had anything to hide but he thought it would be awkward having all of his friends clashing, after all, there were gonna be a lot of personalities clashing. 

"I don't like to mix my work friends with my wood friends--" he tried to let them down gently, ignoring their pleading eyes and hopeful grins because he felt guilty enough. It was impossible though, he truly was outnumbered.

"Oh, come on, Schwoz! Just let us come!"

"Yeah, we can all be friends together!" Charlotte and (y/n) begged together, using their best, fluttering eyelashes and doe-like eyes to win him over--and it worked. They ground Schwoz down all too easily because he wouldn't want to make them cry, now would he? That would just be cruel. 

"Fine, let's go to dinner with Bigfoot--" the handyman conceded with a sigh to the roaring cheers of his friends, who applauded, cheered and fist-pumped their success in an almost hedonistic way that undermined Schwoz's kindness. He wanted them on their best behaviour, not screaming or shouting or being weird, Bigfoot was a very sophisticated guy. "--but don't embarrass me!"

They calmed down at that and although still buzzing with excitement, the group moved to enter the elevator, Ray happily tugging (y/n) along with a spring in his step. He refused to let go of her hand because it was the only thing keeping him cool at that moment, what with the adrenaline still streaming through his blood and the prospect of meeting a literal legend wasn't helping, neither was the sudden, unexpected alarm.

"Emergency alert!" Charlotte exclaimed as everyone looked back at the computer and saw the familiar red flash of the beacon. Right, they were technically supposed to be working right now and an impromptu trip to the woods, something that would take a couple of hours just to get there, wasn't gonna stop them from continuously coming in. 

Captain Man couldn't take time off and neither could his sidekicks and Ray was aware of that, highly so; it was just a shame that he didn't care. Shielding his eyes from the others in a not-so-noticeable way, he pulled his laser controller from his pocket and fired a single shot at the beacon, burning a hole straight through the plastic, thus ending the call, at least so that they didn't have to hear or worry about it.

"Raymond!" (y/n) whined and gave him a stern look for what he'd just done. She didn't feel right leaving whichever poor soul to suffer simply because they were curious and leaving something a mess made her stressed all the more. It made her itch in a way, knowing that it would be lying and waiting to be fixed until they came back so she was ready to scold him and Ray was braced for that. Until--

"Dinner with Bigfoot!" Henry began chanting, his booming volume swallowing whatever noise came from (y/n)'s mouth. He'd known the couple long enough to sense when they were about to argue, whether it be petty or explosive, and he did his best to stop it, which worked rather well well when Jasper and Charlotte joined as Ray fleetingly kissed his sweet girl quiet and chanted too. 

"Dinner with Bigfoot!" 

"Dinner with Bigfoot!" 

"Dinner with Bigfoot!" Strange. They thought he would've kissed her for longer. What was with those too?

~Two hours later, in the woods~

A van journey later and the group were still chanting as they approached a clearing in the woods, one where Schwoz had said was his and Bigfoot's supposed meeting place. 

Despite the long, bumpy journey, one that was still palpably tense thanks to Ray, (y/n) and whatever was going on between them, the anticipation for meeting the mythical creature was still high and the teens had been poking Schwoz since the second stop light for more information. What did he eat? Normal food. Where was he from? Swellview, duh. What was his favourite colour? What kind of question was that?

It went on and on but thankfully, it meant not much attention was paid to the front of the van, where the couple had been strangely silent, uneasy and not at all handsy--the most worrying thing. Ray didn't put his hand on (y/n)'s thigh like she was hoping, the thing he always did when he drove since the pillowy flesh was just asking for his fingertips to feel it, but that night, he was worried that the call was asking for something else and he didn't want to listen to it. Not yet, anyway. 

"Dinner with Bigfoot!" 

"Dinner with Bigfoot!" 

"Dinner with Bigfoot!" The teens chanted relentlessly as they followed Schwoz through the thick foliage, walking for a few minutes to disappear into the night that had fallen during their drive over. Bigfoot was a secretive guy and preferred to not be seen by others, which was understandable, so they carried on in single-file, Schwoz first, the kids in the middle and Ray and (y/n) walking hand-in-hand to bring up the rear.

They were trailing slightly, keeping up but going at their own pace as Ray's stride was much longer than (y/n)'s and he wanted her comfort more than anything, so it was her setting the speed. It was fine, Schwoz had everything under control at the front and they were nearly there, or so he said, so the only problem Ray was experiencing was the one in front of him. The perfect view of his sweet girl's ass as she walked--all he could do was stay back and try not to stare, which was easier said than done.

"Sweet girl?" He grumbled, surprising himself with how animalistic he sounded, akin to something they might find in those very woods, so it was no wonder that (y/n) whipped around immediately, slowing down to a mere ambling pace as she faced her dark-eyed doofus to see what was wrong. 

"Yeah?" she asked, her saccharine voice full of innocence that made Ray's abs tense. He didn't know what he was gonna say at first, he just wanted to call her name but seeing her looking at him like a lamb in front of a wolf made his next actions undeniable. He let go of her hand to grasp her wrist instead and it was damn lucky that the gasp she released when he roughly pressed her against the nearest tree wasn't heard by the others.

Henry, Charlotte and Jasper carried on merrily, not noticing that there were two missing members in their party as Ray pinned his precious girl against the scraping bark and kept her hands clasped together and above her head. 

In the moonlight, she looked so ravishing as his eyes raked down her quivering body and he could see the questioning look in her eye, a part of her wondering why he was picking his moment now. However, he could also see how she wasn't all that innocent either, pupils dilating the minute one hand went from her waist to brush between her thighs, touching nothing but the soft skin there. 

There she was, his girl, his darling lover, his future wife, waiting for his next move, panting lightly in the darkness as they were left behind and he knew that he'd been a fool to leave her for a few popsicles and to play Mario Kart, he'd been a fool for thinking he could last a whole day without her. 

"Doofus, what--"

"The second we are alone again, little girl..." he whispered in her ear, one hand cradling her jaw as the other stayed with hers against the tree. It was his promise to her and it could be left unspoken, she didn't need an explanation. They were pushing their luck as it was, staying behind as the others marched on and as tempting as it was to throw caution to the wind and feel those thighs around his waist because lord knows that he did not give a fuck, she did. 

Jasper's earlier faux pas was but a forewarning in her mind and it would not happen again, not two nights in a row, so as quick as her back had met with the harsh bark, he pulled away, taking one hand with him. 

The dazzling rush of it all had her stumbling to catch up with his long legs as he marched towards the clearing, following the voices before they were missed or he changed his mind and she had no choice but to jog behind her doofus. Her hot, moody, incredibly well-endowed doofus. 

Avoiding a tree root and a mysterious puddle of green mush, the couple made it to the back of the group again, not that anyone had noticed their slight delay. The only noticeable thing was how their breathing had quickened from the rush, although in (y/n)'s case it was something else. Paired with her red cheeks, it was kinda obvious, but the shadows hid it well and so did hiding behind Ray's shoulder. 

"Hey! That hair-growing cream worked great."

"Yeah, it looks gooooood, dude," Henry complimented Jasper when Charlotte noticed that unlike two hours previously, Jasper's hair was completely back to normal. You'd never guess that he'd had the majority of it lasered off and he was quite happy with the results of Schwoz's cream, save for one little thing. 

"Oh, nice...this worries me a little," he smiled but it was nervous and they knew why when he raised his hands to show them that not only did the cream work on scalps, it also worked on fingers and palms. Baby hairs had begun to sprout from his flesh and he was getting quite furry, which was disturbing. Really disturbing. 

"You have to wear a glove when you apply it. That's part of the instructions!" Schwoz exclaimed as the others grimaced, (y/n) burying her nose into the jacket she'd stolen from Ray.

Being the silly-billy she was, she'd only realised how cold it was out until they were well past the city's border and in the sticks, so her ever-adoring fiancé had swooped in and bundled her up in one of his huge jackets that had been slung on the backseat of the Man Van. It was huge, enough to keep her warm even in a dress and it was only made better by his cologne following her around. 

"You didn't tell me any instructions," Jasper argued as he coped with his hairy hands. He'd just assumed that the cream worked on heads, not skin in general, which was kinda bad since he'd been touching his head, face, ears and other places since using it. 

"Okay, step one--don't itch your ears!" Schwoz said when he saw the boy rubbing and searching his earholes. That would only mean more cream transfer, even if it was a little late to be giving out advice. 

"Soooo...Schwoz, where's Bigfoot?" Henry asked as Jasper stomped off to try and deal with his new hair problem. This was the meeting place but no one could see any imaginary animals or beings, meaning the kid was starting to doubt if this guy was real or not and whether Schwoz had pulled the best prank of all time. 

"Yeah, man. We've been walking around for four whole minutes. I'm starting to think you don't really know Bigfoot," Ray added, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and his sweet girl huddled to his side to try and keep the cold away. He wasn't the world's most patient man but four minutes traipsing around some bushes at night wasn't his idea of fun and he was waiting on a promise for what was. 

"Relax, let me just call him--" Schwoz told him gently and the man went back to trying to keep (y/n) warm. He knew that dress was both angelic and evil, but at least he could put his arm around her, which was good for when Schwoz ignored his phoned and abruptly summoned his friend. "BIGFOOOOOOOOT!!!"

"He's on his way," he told them, not thinking a thing of his sudden, echoing voice in the dead of night nor how he just spooked the heebie-jeebies out of them. Biggie wasn't much of a phone guy anyway. 

"If you were just gonna scream his name, then why'd you pull out your phone?" (y/n) asked as she snuggled into the cosy fuzziness of Ray's jacket. She'd seen the genius take his phone from his pocket when she was ogling her lover, which is why his bellowing had been so unexpected. 

"So I could get a picture of you guys when Bigfoot shows up," Schwoz replied in a tender voice but he had that mischievous glint in his eye like he had something up his sleeve. His phone was pointing at them and open on the camera app, so he was ready to capture their shocked, terrified expressions whenever he needed a good laugh, not that they knew that. 

"You mean if he shows up," Henry scoffed sceptically, shoulder-to-shoulder with his friends as they waited, "we've been here for five whole minutes now. I'm starting to think you don't actually know hi--"

Henry never got to finish his mini-rant. As he rambled on at the smirking genius, a big, hairy lump dropped from the overhanging willows to land in front of them, bellowing a ferocious roar. The sight of this snarling furball caused the teens and couple to shriek in terror, a moment that Schwoz swiftly captured on his phone as (y/n) practically leapt on Ray, who had his jacket clutched by Henry, flanked by Jasper cowering behind Charlotte.

But the howl eventually petered out and the beast put its arms down in a friendly slouch, meaning the group eventually stopped screaming too. Bigfoot just stood there and he wasn't quite what they were expecting as hands let go of jackets and men put down their sweet girls; he was tall and hairy with thick, sharp nails, that was a given, but apart from that, he was normal.

Well, nearly normal--he was placid with an easy-going stance, nothing like the monster some people often described him as. 

"You guys, Bigfoot is real!" Henry exclaimed as they all stood there, in awe of the living legend in front of them, who wasn't a mutant or animal like on the TV, he was just a normal guy with a lot of hair. 

"Real handsome!" Bigfoot quipped, putting them all at ease with his small joke. If he was comfortable with himself then they had no reason to fear him, especially when he laughed in that resonating baritone of his. "It's nice to meet you..."

"So...uh, this is Hen--" Schwoz started to introduce everyone, not wanting things to be awkward since he didn't have many friends and he didn't want to lose any, but Bigfoot beat him to the chase. 

"Oh, I know this guy. Henry Hart AKA Kid Danger? Feels gooooood!" The hairy man chuckled, much to Henry's excitement. 

"Bigfoot knows my thing!" The ecstatic kid hissed to the others. He thought it was wild that Bigfoot of all people knew who he was and had intimate knowledge of his personality, even his secret identity. He didn't seem to be the kinda guy to leak stuff like that, after all, Schwoz was smart enough to not be all pally with grasses, so no one worried. 

"'Course I do. Scheoz talks about you guys all the time," he revealed, making the small man blush since no one knew about his pride from working the Man Cave. 

"What?" Jasper tilted his head, stunned that Schwoz could be so sneaky and that Bigfoot knew about their crazy gang. 

"Yeah. You must be Charlotte," Bigfoot nodded, turning to the girl whose cheeks heated up when he started being all charming, "Schwoz tells me you're even smarter than he is."

"Whaaaaaat?... It's true, though," she grinned, blushing from the sentiment of Schwoz hyping her up to his other friends but it was the truth. The Man Cave would be lost without her skill with the computer and general sensibility, so it was nice to know that it was noted and appreciated.

"Oh--Jasper!"

"Yeah!" The boy nodded with a smile as Bigfoot moved on, looking at him next and punching out at him lightly in playful banter. Honestly, this guy was so cool and Jasper liked that he had also been included when he did the least out of the three teens.

"J-Dowg!"

"B-Foot!" They bantered and bumped fists as Schwoz kept snapping pictures, wanting to remember every moment of his friends becoming friends. Maybe they'd be able to hang out together as a gang and he'd be surrounded by everyone he loved--maybe a tad premature but a nice thought as they all got along so well.

"How's that girl with all the allergies?" Bigfoot asked, referring to Patina, the one Jasper took to Cactus Con and accidentally plunged into an anaphylactic fit. 

Ouch, a touchy subject in more ways than one so no one ever mentioned what had happened with her, not that Jasper ever let it bother him. 

"Oh yeah, she ghosted me! I keep texting her but she never responds!" He shrugged, tugging at (y/n)'s heartstrings as he smiled with the others but she remembered those weeks all too well. Jasper sat on the couch, texting and texting, waiting for an answer that never came until he had no choice but to move on with a sad acknowledgement for a romance that had gone so far only to be left to die. She never liked that girl. 

Speaking of moving on...

"Oh, and well, I know who this beauty is! (y/n), the sweetest girl in the world as Schwoz put it! Lovely to meet you, I know all about your engineering and how you keep the place running--oh, and of course, Miss Danger! How could I forget?" (y/n) was practically a tomato as Bigfoot moved on and grinned at her next. 

He extended his hand and she thought he was going for a handshake when he warmly pulled her in for a hug, a very soft hug as his woolly body helped her forget about the cold as he gushed about her many talents and the way the Man Cave would crash and burn without her expertise. Pulling away, her face was beaming as they crowded around Schwoz with the other three to look at the pictures and that only left Ray on the outside. 

The man loudly cleared his throat as they cooed over the funny and heartwarming photos, looking up to see him still standing there. Right, the main man as it were, the boss, the head honcho, they couldn't forget him, after all, he'd never let them. 

"And, uh, last but certainly not least..." Ray grinned, awkwardly turning to Bigfoot who removed his arm from his darling girl's shoulders and looked at him--with a blank stare like what you'd give if you were giving a stranger. Oh, lord.

"Hey..." Biggie greeted slowly, which didn't fill the hero with confidence but still, he smiled back, encouraged by (y/n), who was edged closer to them as much as she could without passing the furball, "there he is..."

"There I am!"

"This guy!" They interacted with a definite tension that made the teens frown because it was so weird that Bigfoot had been so welcoming and friendly with them, knowing specific details about their lives and personalities, only for him to have no idea who Ray was. 

"You must be, uh... Henry's dad?" The hairy man suggested, trying to find a possible identity for the mystery man that his friend had never described, but it only served to insult Ray. That was nowhere near accurate and kinda insulting since he thought he looked too young to be any teenager's dad. Come on, he wasn't even married yet. 

"Henry's dad? Are you--are you kidding me?"

"Are you...uh, Jasper's dad?" he moved on, a hint of desperation as (y/n) facepalmed in the background, itching to get to her doofus' side before his emotions started leaking but she knew how it would look if she was constantly clinging to his side. So, no matter how badly this was going, she stood still and hoped that Ray didn't do anything stupid after being called the weird kid's father. 

"Uh, I'm-I'm Ray AKA Captain Man AKA (y/n)'s fiancée!" the hero said, hoping that a few of his basic titles would spark some recognition in the legend's mind. 

Bigfoot looked genuinely surprised to hear about another superhero living with Schwoz since he didn't have a TV and never ventured into the city; he had to learn stuff by ear and when he looked back at the mention of the sweet girl, he saw her raise her left hand and point to the ring that sparkled in the starlight. Well, that confirmed it, weird how he never knew. 

"Oh, Schwoz never mentioned you! Are you new to the Schwoz Cave?" He asked politely, seeing nothing wrong with his question, so he didn't understand why the man's face erupted into anger as the woman and kids released shocked giggles behind him. Oh, that little fibre, what had he been saying?

"The Schwoz Cave?!" Ray snapped and his furious gaze landed on Schwoz, who smirked bashfully and adverted everyone's gaze. He was ashamed but also unapologetic because he loved the idea of being a superhero and messing with Ray's head, even if it was a tangled web of lies that he was now stuck in. 

"Listen, listen--" Bigfoot put a furry hand on Ray's chest to keep him from tackling Schwoz and instead, diverted their attention before things got out of hand, "I found this great campsite just past the creek. Let's all go down there and have dinner to get to know each other better.

"Yeah."

"All right, let's go," the teens nodded enthusiastically at the sound of food and a pretty area to sit, so they quickly followed after their host, who knew the way like the back of his paw--hand. Schwoz was right behind them, giggling mischievously to himself as he passed Ray, who stood like a statue with a stony expression engraved on his face. He was visibly livid from being unmentioned and the shoulder pats that the kids gave him only soured the mood. 

"That's a tough one, daddy," Henry commented jokingly as he walked past, not knowing that it was possibly the worst thing he could've said to the man, who'd been waiting all day and all night for that kind of talk. He was damn near breaking point and (y/n) knew that as she was the last to move. 

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's go eat," she whispered, stepping in front of him and smiling in the face of his grim expression. She gently reached for his hand, which unclenched when her fingers slid over his to let her in and without hesitation, Ray allowed her to grasp it. Sighing when she stroked his cheek, he allowed her to tug him towards the campsite, his heart unwilling to watch her walk away despite how sluggish his plodding feet were. 

They might have liked Bigfoot but he wasn't so keen and neither was he impressed with that good-for-nothing, low-down, double-crossing sneak, Schwoz. He'd be having words with him but for now, he was willing to indulge in one thing - his sweet girl. If the hairball didn't know who he was now, he surely would by the end of the night if it was the last thing he did. 

Her fiancé, her lover, her doofus. Always. 

Up ahead, they could hear a slight commotion since they were going quite slowly, anything so Ray could sulk in peace a little longer and cheer himself up with a little butt-staring. No doubt the amazing Bigfoot was doing something amazing with his amazing dinner because he was amazing. 

"Let's eat!"

Yeah, right, he could've done that but to avoid a scene, Ray stayed silent and kicked at the dirt as they came to another, smaller clearing, complete with rocks and stumps for rudimentary stools, a pre-lit campfire and some coolers left by the campers he scared away, one of whom Henry could swear looked like Mitch Bilsky but as he looked at the cosy spot, he couldn't find it in himself to care. 

Soon, they were huddled around the fire, Charlotte sat with Bigfoot on a fallen tree trunk, Henry with Schwoz, Jasper on his own, and then, Ray on a rock with (y/n) perched happily on his knee. Their new friend had raised his eyebrows at that, thinking they were very open about being so touchy and...kissy but the others assured him that it was normal and separating them would only lead to trouble now that the man was calmly nuzzling into her neck and hair. 

So, soon, the snacks were handed out and the stories started. Bigfoot lead them since he was the fascinating one and even Ray was able to tame his jealousy and listen as he nibbled a hotdog, offering it to his lover occasionally, another thing that they assured the legend was normal for them. 

"Sometimes, I just want to sneak into town to get that good salsa but people would see me and they'd either want a selfie or they'd try and kill me," Bigfoot sighed as everyone listened intently to how hard it was being so famous yet hated. Sure, he was legendary but most would kill to be the ones to capture Bigfoot or put the real-life Bigfoot in a zoo, and that was just horrible considering that he was such a sweet man. 

"And I hear that!" Ray piped up as (y/n) bit into their hotdog and he tightened the arm around her waist. He wasn't hated but he knew the price of popularity and it was nice to see him finally making friends, even if it was slightly self-centred, "I can't go anywhere without getting mobbed."

"Appreciate your sympathy, Ron," the behemoth gave him a polite smile and he was gracious enough to not mention the way they were snuggling like they were the only ones in the forest. All Bigfoot concentrated on was his story and the way Charlotte was braiding his fur, which was a shame because his blatant forgetting of Ray's name touched a sore spot for the egocentric man.

"Ray. It's...it's Ray," he corrected with a smile that was akin to a snarl If it wasn't for his sweet girl playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, he would've pounced and taken the hairy buffoon on himself. Was he that forgettable or had Scwhoz properly swindled him for once?

"Oh, I'm so sorry--Captain Ray!" Bigfoot was trying his best; this guy was quite techy about his image and he didn't fancy fighting with Schwoz's other friends, not when they could so easily blow his clandestine existence. However, even his best wasn't enough and Ray gritted his teeth at yet another mistake.

"No, it's Captain Man. My name is Ray," the hero laughed awkwardly and mockingly, earning himself a few hard stares as he took everything too personally, "and I just think it's hilarious that this guy has no idea who I am!" 

Everything got out of hand quite quickly and (y/n) whined indignantly when her doofus stood up abruptly, tipping her off his lap so she had to scramble to stay on her feet as he started throwing a rather embarrassing tantrum. Honestly, it was like caring for a six-year-old.

"Doofus! Ray--Raymond! Oh god, I am so sorry about him..." she had to say, giving Biggie an apologetic look and nervous smile as her lover began kicking at the dirt, complaining about anything and everything. She was used to his emotional outbursts but that didn't make them any less humiliating when their new friend looked so perplexed and almost sympathetic to her situation. God, the shame--he was thirty-seven for god's sake.

"And there's no dijon mustard for this hotdog!'

"Hey! Just chill, okay? Just relax!--" Schwoz and the teens were staring at the earth as (y/n) flattened her palm against Ray's chest and began pushing him away after he threw the half-eaten Weiner and bun to the ground. Sure, it had been a little bland and boring but it was nice for a minimalistic picnic and they'd share anything honestly, mustard or no mustard.

"Said it was a great campsite, doesn't seem so great to me! His words, not mine!" Ray growled above her incessant pleas to calm down and she started using her body to push him back quicker when he pointed straight at Bigfoot--a highly rude gesture. Such a child...

"Calm down! Just calm the hell down!"

"Ray? Ray?!" Charlotte shouted as she came over to see if she could get through to him too since the awkwardness was killing her. She joined (y/n) in begging for him to button it and folded her arms as he spat her calming words back in her face; seriously, if (y/n) was struggling to calm him down, her, his beloved fiancée, what hope did she have?

"I'm the problem, sweet girl? I'm embarrassing?! I'm embarrassing?!"

"Yes, yes, you are! You're embarrassing when you act like a child, Raymond, getting angry when things don't go your way and it's deeply humiliating!" the woman scolded, staring him down--or as down as she could get since she was so much shorter than him--as a teacher would to a rebellious student. He seemed to sober up at that, recoiling when she gave him the reality check that he was upsetting her, the kids, and everyone and that wasn't fair.

"I'm embarrassing?" he asked again and she cleared her throat when his eyes softened from the hardened glare they'd held seconds before. He never wanted to humiliate her, god knows that he only ever wanted to be proud of having him by her side and it was only because of stupid Bigfoot that he'd lost his cool. Or...maybe it was him, maybe he needed to think things through.

"Yes, Ray, so you know what? You need to calm down, so we're going to go into the forest and we're gonna take a lap," (y/n) told him firmly and took up his hand so she could march him out of the clearing before there was a punch up. Did other girls have to do this with their fiancés?

"I don't wanna take a lap!" he replied petulantly and tried to pull his hand away from his sweet girl in defiance. In his normal state of mind, he'd never do that but children often cut their noses off to spite their faces when being told off--he was no different when he was like this.

"You need to take a lap, Ray," Henry piped up this time, having stood up to come and join Charlotte in assisting the woman, even if their opinions meant very little. Still, he figured that if his boss heard it from enough people, he'd eventually stomp off with (y/n) in tow and she'd ensure that he was fully calm before coming back to their rustic yet sophisticated hangout.

"I don't need a lap! It's not my lap time!" Ray snapped at the kid, thinking he was getting them all to back off when really, he was making it worse. Did he not realise how childish he sounded? All the man wanted to do was enjoy a quiet evening with his girl and feel her squirm against him when he breathed hot air down her neck, but no. That walking carpet was ruining everything.

"If you want to act like a child, then I will treat you like one, Raymond. Come with me!" (y/n) tried to shove him again but his bulk wouldn't budge, not until someone else joined the cacophony.

"Uh, I wouldn't take a lap. It's pretty dangerous out there!" The same walking carpet said, again trying to be helpful but again failing miserably. Whilst he knew the woods like the back of his hairy hand, they didn't and he'd hated to see them step in something dangerous but to Ray, that sounded like a challenge. If Bigfoot could do it, he could do it better.

"Oh, okay! We're taking a lap!" the hero scoffed, suddenly changing his tune, much to the group's frustration. Without another word, Ray seized (y/n)'s hand and dragged her off in the direction that they'd come, grumbling as he went. She was tripping over her feet at his insane pace and all she could manage was a quick wave to the others before they'd rounded the corner and disappeared into the shrubbery.

*WEE-WOO, WEE-WOO. SMUT IMPENDING AGAIN. I PROMISE IT FINISHES AFTER THIS THOUGH. LET'S GOOOOOOO!*

"Ray! Ray! Slow down! I said a lap, not a sprint!" she gasped as he retraced their faint steps that had been trodden into the dirt, looking for one spot in particular since it would be far enough from the camp but not too dangerous for them to be caught unawares. He tried to ease up when she stumbled on a jagged rock emerging from the soil but he didn't stop, merely squeezed her hand even more to keep her following.

"Raymond! Will you just--what is with you tonight?" the heroine asked again, slightly breathless from how much ground they'd covered in such a short space of time. Trees had passed and bushes and a sign saying hunters would be prosecuted--and a sign after that said prosecutors would be hunted if they didn't keep their noses out. It felt like they'd trekked the entirety of the woods when he finally stopped, abruptly and without warning, and with no inclination that he was going to answer her question.

Like lightning, Ray pushed her against the tree for the second time that night and their surroundings once again became familiar to (y/n) as she felt the same scraping against the soft skin of her back. He'd taken her up the path to the old clearing, the one where the moon lit the path to keep the monsters away--and hopefully any snoopers too. 

She'd been hunted again, only this time, Ray intended to go through with the kill.

"I'll tell you what's with me, sweet thing," he growled and instantly had his face buried into her neck so he could nip a line down her jugular, tearing gasps and weak moans from the back of her throat, "I've done nothing but think about your pussy since last night and I need it, darlin'. Need you so bad."

Truth be told, a smile tugged at her lips when his typical, domineering snarl turned into a whining beg. He was pawing at whatever he could get his hands on; her soft neck, tits through her dress, hands brushing back the jacket to hold her waist before slipping down to knead at her ass. Most would say that he was pathetic, desperately trying to tempt her into joining him in the open, in a public place, where anyone could stumble across something.

"Whose fault is that then?" (y/n) teased, jaw dropping open when his teeth bit down on her collarbone, causing her to yank hard on his hair when her hands snaked to run her fingers through it. His lips were so distracting but through the lips of them and his wandering touch lighting fire on her skin, she could feel him against her hip, hard and throbbing, begging to be released after losing out so critically before. 

Now, it was her chance to wind him up tight like a spring and watch him squirm because that's what she'd had to do the night he left her for popsicles and buffoonery. He could've had her, could've pushed right in, god knows she'd let him, she was soaking through her panties just at the memory and yet, he'd left himself to suffer. 

Pushing the skirt of her dress up, Ray immediately grasped at her thighs and tried to widen them, hoping to get a glimpse of the delight that was waiting for him, even if he knew he didn't deserve it, not when he'd played such a cruel game. The desperation was clawing at his insides, cock begging him to fuck her soon before he exploded and so, as much as his instincts told him to have his sweet girl spread out like a feast for him and chastise her for teasing her Captain, he swallowed his pride.

"Please--please--please," he whispered over and over against her neck as he rutted his hips into her. With any luck, she'd feel what she was doing to him, how crazy the thought of her had made him over the last god knows how many hours, how he couldn't wait to fuck her tight cunt any longer. 

The drive over had been hell; anytime he looked over, she was there looking like an angel and he could swear that she'd been widening her legs just to tease him when he rested his hand on her thigh. Little minx... But what could he do? He did his best to find her sweet spots, licking and sucking at the spot below her ear and trailing his fingers closer to her core until she was trembling between him and the tree, that's when she spoke.

"What do you want, doofus?" she murmured, tilting her head back so he'd have more access. Moving down from her ear, he headed for the top of her tits, nipping as he went before he grabbed at them roughly. God, he wished they were back home or that he'd done this sooner, then he could take one into his mouth, he knew how perfect those nipples were for biting and sucking, but out here, he wasn't willing to expose more than he had to.

What did he want? A few things. He wanted her naked, on their bed in the warmth so he could get on his knees and pray for forgiveness before worshipping her like he should've done before. He wanted to hear her every sound above the rustle of the leaves. He wanted to peel her panties down her legs and fuck her hard and strong so he didn't rip someone's head off. He wanted her, he wanted her so much.

"You, sweet girl. I want you so bad--since last night," he panted, grinning against her skin when he found her clit through the soaked material under her dress and rubbed his thumb against it in tight circles. She lurched forward with a cry, bucking her hips towards him as best she could with only the tree for leverage and it reminded her that he wasn't the only one who'd been simmering since last night.

The drive over had been hell; anytime she looked over, he was there, looking like a god as one hand guided the wheel and the other stayed with her like always. She could swear that he'd crept his hand closer to her core with every passing streetlight, just to drive her insane.

"Then fuck me, you idiot," she smirked and palmed at him through his jeans, feeling how huge he was even through the denim and no sooner than the words left her mouth, they pulled apart to weakly shove any clothing out of the way. 

Her thumbs hooked the elastic of her underwear and she pulled them down her legs as their eyes stayed locked, his darkening when she slipped them past her ankles and awkwardly over her shoes. It was never like this in the movies, they made it seem so smooth but she got there eventually and pressed them into his hand, earning herself a groan when he felt the damp cotton. 

Tucking them into his back pocket, Ray lifted his sweater slightly, revealing a peek of his Adonis belt as she knelt to pop the button on his jeans and slowly bring down the zipper. He watched with hooded eyes as she gingerly reached into his briefs and pulled him free, licking her lips at the prize that lay in front of her. 

She leaned forward, ignoring how the bitter air was making her core clench when it met her bare pussy and how stones were digging into her knees as she braced against the ground but it was worth it. Dipping her tongue out, she kitten-licked at his tip before allowing the flared head to break her lips open, taking him in one, two, three times with slow bobs of her head that had him throwing his back to howl at the sky. 

It was indulgent, he knew that; her pace was tortuous and he longed to hold her face still and fuck her pretty throat but relented when she looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes that were spoiled only by his cock inflating her cheeks.

"You always look so hot with my cock in your mouth, sweet girl," he groaned and placed a hand on the back of her head to guide her movements. (y/n) moaned at the salty taste of him, loving how pliant he was in her hands, so much power and strength being controlled by her movements--it was intoxicating but not what she sorely wanted.

With one final swipe of her tongue around his length, she pulled back, leaving them connected with nothing more than a string of saliva as she gazed up at him with cherry-red, sickened lips and doe-like eyes before asking, "will you fuck me now, sir?"

"Fuck, baby--" Ray groaned at her naive tone, admiring how small her hand looked when giving his cock a few tugs. Leaving her hair, his hand slipped under her arm and he pulled her to her feet, growling when she giggled at his eagerness. Her amusement didn't last long; pushing her against the tree once more, Ray gripped the backs of her thighs and snarled "jump" against her throat, picking her up effortlessly when she lamely tried to follow his orders.

He secured her legs around her waist and used the tree as leverage, thankful that in their horniness, he'd picked one that had grown at a slight angle so things were easier. His raw strength made her tremble as she clung to his shoulders, where his muscles felt softer through the fuzzy fabric of her sweater but she knew the power that was hidden beneath and could feel it from how he lifted her so easily. 

Rutting his hips forward, they moaned in tandem as his cock slotted against her slit and steadily rocked through her slick, brushing against her clit with every move. Her mouth was pressed against his ear so he could hear every noise she made and his grip turned to steel when he caught on her entrance, prodding so he could feel her clench but not going any further.

"Can I fuck you, sweet girl? Can I fuck you here where anyone can see what's mine?" Ray asked into her hair, sliding his head through her lips to rile his lover up even more. His abs tensed at the thought of someone stumbling across them, a lone hiker or maybe even Bigfoot himself as he came to investigate their disappearance. 

He'd never let them see anything, her pleasure-screwed face and soaked pussy were for his eyes only but a small, sadistic part of him hoped that their new "friend" caught a glimpse of him with his pants shoved down and his sweet girl wrapped in his embrace as he pumped into her. 

That would stick in his head--maybe he'd remember who he was then. The man who was entirely devoted to the sweetest girl on Earth. The man who knew that sweetness better that anyone else.

"Shit--yes, please. Fuck me, I don't care if someone sees--" (y/n) pleaded, going half-insane from the contrast of the jagged bark on her back and the soft swipes of his cock. Ray didn't need telling twice and as her cries painted a smirk on his face, he pushed forward, staring between her legs as he began to disappear inch by inch. The woman threw her head back, not caring when it thunked against the tree, all that mattered was her fucking hot fiancé and his cock that stretched her walls for miles and miles. 

He had the perfect view; her dress was bunched up around her waist and with the moon and stars to guide him, he could see how drenched she was in the dim light and how her pussy sucked him, welcoming him home. She was certain that some of her wetness had been there since the previous night, had not ceased gathering even when he left her alone with a glass of wine to nurse and nothing more and it only made it easier for him to bury himself to the hilt.

For a moment, he gave her a chance to adjust to his sheer size or maybe it was his way of masking how he was the one who needed a minute. Her walls were so damn tight around him and velvety soft, making searing white heat crawl up his spine until he got a grip on himself and started to rock into her.

"So dirty but you like it, don't you? You like having your little pussy filled in the middle of the woods," Ray said cockily, punching out each word in synch with a thrust of his hips, drawing moan after whimper from her mouth--and he sure as hell felt the way she tightened at the reminder of their surroundings. "Oh, you do, don't you? Like knowing that anyone could see you like this for me--see how you scream my name when I--"

"Fuck, Ray!" she cried when he snapped his hips into her at a different angle and hit a spot that made her see stars. Smirking when he saw the way it made jelly of her muscles, he began pummeling that spot, hearing nothing but the blood rushing through his ears and the slapslapslap of his balls against her thighs. Her squeaks and begging were music to his ears and he got lost in his sweet girl, nothing else existed apart from her, him and her tight heat as it ruined his cock.

"N-not gonna last long, darlin, not after last night--" he stuttered, feeling how tight his balls were and how they were begging to pump her full of cum before he exploded. He'd denied himself earlier and it had left him half-crazed, his body drying out for its soulmate so they could be one at last and he was finally succumbing to the call, succumbing to the sweet pull of her pussy and how it was waiting for him.

(y/n) whined something incoherent, too lost in the pleasure rippling through her body from the epicentre in her core. Steadily, she lowered one hand from his shoulders and dropped it to her clit to begin rubbing it in rough circles, her fingers slipping across soaked flesh. It was the push she needed to hurtle her towards the edge and she felt the familiar burn beginning to set in, one that began to blaze when Ray's lips brushed against hers and he captured her gaze.

"That's it, pretty girl. Rub this pussy for me, get it all nice and ready for my cum. Can you do that for me?" he asked in a teasing, condescending tone that had her nodding obediently. His thrusts increased as she doubled down on her clit, giving it light slaps like she knew he would if they were in a more comfortable setting. 

Ray's eyes followed her movements and a gasp got stuck in his throat when he saw how the diamonds in the ring he gave her sparkled with every circle. Fuck, if that didn't make him go faster then nothing would and it wasn't long before he felt the fire return to lick up his spine. Her cunt, her moans, her tight grip on his hair, the sight of his fiancée fucking himself whilst he fucked her was enough to drag him to the edge and her with him when his thrusts faltered.

"Come with me, doofus. Fill me up before we go back," (y/n) whispered before biting his earlobe to smother her loudest moan of the night when he came with a groan, triggering her own end. Ropes of pearly cum flooded her heat as he pressed her against the tree and her orgasm stretched thin when the scraping pain mixed with the bliss. Ray whined and buried his face into her neck, staying as close to her as possible as he filled her up with his most intimate claim.

The heroine sighed at the serenity and rested her forehead against his shoulder as their breathing slowed down. He stayed inside of her for a while, unwilling to remove himself from her warmth when the air around them was so chill and he was more interested in kissing up her neck and running his thumbs across her ass as held her aloft still. 

But, eventually, the chilliness of the air caught up with them and upon feeling his sweet girl shudder and snuggle into him more, Ray realised that her jacket had slipped down her arms when he was pounding into her. Not to mention the fact that she was still wearing that sorry excuse for a dress with her legs facing the elements. 

So, he planted one final kiss on her pulse point and peeled her from the tree, hearing her whimper slightly as her scratched skin smoothed over and his cock jostled against her walls. He pulled out slowly, groaning when he felt his release begin to leak now that she wasn't plugged up. 

"I've got you, sweetheart," the hero told her gently, setting her back down on shaky legs and ensuring that she didn't tumble to the forest floor. "You okay?"

"More than okay, doof. You feelin' better?" (y/n) asked with a breathy laugh. Her tummy fluttered when she felt his cum begin to ooze out of her and whilst she hated to lose it, knowing that it was there was near perfection.

"Much better but there is one thing that I need to do."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?" she asked perplexed, wondering what could be so important as he tucked himself away and tugged up his zipper with a shiver. It all became clear when he smirked her way and felt into his back pocket and brought out her panties, the ones he'd tucked away for safekeeping before having his way with her. 

"Would you mind, sweet girl?" He held them open and with a giggle, (y/n) stepped into them as clumsily as she had taken them off, struggling to get her sneakers through the holes until he shimmied them up her legs. Carefully, Ray pulled them over her ass so none of his precious spend could be lost and he playfully squeezed her cheek before fixing her dress to check that she didn't walk anywhere with her butt showing.

"Does this mean I have to walk around with your cum in my underwear?" she questioned, leaning up to caress his lips with hers in a slow dance.

"Of course," Ray grinned, thoroughly in love with the idea that they had a dirty secret between them that no one would ever know but them. Perhaps he was being childish again but the thought of having one up of Bigfoot, having her as his lover since, in his eyes, any man would kill to be with her, made him gloat and preen. Speaking of the hairball...

"We should probably get back..." (y/n) mentioned and pulled his jacket across her body tighter to try and conserve some warmth. The campfire was sounding pretty nice round about now and even better if her doofus would be there to calmly snuggle with her, besides, the others were probably beginning to wonder how long one lap could take.

"You go on ahead, precious girl. I just wanna take a look at something before I go back, I won't be minute," the hero told her gently and gestured to some bushes in the direction they'd come from. 

"Okay, doofus. Don't stay out here too long. I'd hate for something to happen to you," she smiled and pecked his cheek, giving one final warning for him not to be a hero when he wasn't in uniform. Ray chuckled at that and gave her ass a small smack as she walked away, laughing when she sent him a bright-eyed glare over her shoulder. 

God, he hated watching her walk away but at least he could admire her with a longing gaze. Now, about that shiny thing he'd spotted...where was it?

*AND BREAK SCENE. THE SPICY MEATBALL IS OVER MY GUYS. THANK YOU FOR COMING, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELVES, THIS IS SADLY ALL WE HAVE SPACE FOR SO, MIS INOCENTES, WELCOME BACK*

Even in the darkness, on her own and slightly intimidated by the possible Oogie-boogies lurking in the bushes, (y/n) steadily made it back to the camp. A slight left turn, straight on, past the bush that looked like Shirley Bassey and then a right to the small circle of rocks and stumps that seated her friends. 

Just act normal, tell a small white lie and don't blush--whatever you do, don't blush!

"Hey, guys!" she smiled at them as she skipped back to her and Ray's rock and plonked down on it. In her mind, nothing was out of the ordinary and she'd already thought of her story, the one she'd slightly altered to a more suitable narrative. All they needed to do was buy it.

"Hey!"

"What took you so long?"

"Where's Ray?" The teens asked as Schwoz and Bigfoot mumbled and smiled their greetings. The woman laughed nervously at the influx of questions, some of which were easier to answer than others. At least they looked happy and ignorant, that at least meant their "lap" had been far enough away for any noises to dissipate.

"Oh, you know what Ray's like, such a drama queen. He needed a bit more time to cool off so I left him to wander for a bit while I get the feeling back in my fingers," she explained quickly and thank god, it checked out. Whether it be from her steady tone or her pleasant face, the teens nodded knowingly since that did sound like their boss and (y/n) had looked cold all night in that frock of hers.

"I just hope he's okay out there. It's pretty spooky."

"And dangerous!" Bigfoot added, watching the nice lady as she warmed her hands with the fire, flexing her fingers so that the heat seeped into them. Huh, it hadn't seemed that dangerous to her, scary once you were off the beaten track since you couldn't see the hidden roots and rocks as you were walking but apart from that, the woods weren't that bad.

"Why'd you say it was so dangerous out here?" Jasper asked, flexing his fingers too, although it wasn't from a lack of warmth, more like the hair of his palms growing disturbingly long to the point where his skin felt like it was right next to the glowing embers.

"There's this hunter--S. Thompson. He's been setting traps for me all over the woods," Biggie replied and no one liked the sound of that. Not only did the idea of their new friend being caged like an animal make them feel awful, but they also didn't feel safe anymore knowing that there were claws and contraptions hidden under leaves and branches. 

And of course, their favourite idiot was out and about in it, hunting down the treasures he'd seen out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey!" Ray suddenly shouted and poked his head above the flora to show that his hunt had led him back to their vicinity...and the allure of his sweet girl too. "I found some pork chops just lying here on the ground!"

"No, no, don't--" The gentle giant tried to warn him off touching the pork chops but it was too late. 

"G'ahhhhh, it was a trap!" Ray yelped in agony as a metal claw tanged and ensnared his arm with diabolic teeth. Luckily, he was the indestructible Captain Man, so there was no medical emergency, just the wailing of a lost lonely creature who should've followed its mate instead of sticking its nose where it didn't belong. "Monkey fungus, this hurts!"

"Oh my god..."

"You all right, dude? (y/n)'s worried!" Henry called to him and held a calming hand out to (y/n) to tell her that Ray was a big boy, she didn't need to run off to mollycoddle him. She was protective, he knew that, but technically this was on the idiot who just saw something he liked and grabbed it--come on, the world was not going to respond in the same way she did when he grabbed her ass.

"I'm o-kay!" Ray announced, easing his girl's worries with one bellow of his signature phrase. The pain wasn't so bad once his skin adjusted to the pressure and hell, it was worth it for a free pork chop that had been sitting on a dirty rock for who knows how long.

"Hey, is that a bottle of root beer? I'm gonna grab it," he suddenly gasped and no sooner than he did, he was off wandering in another direction, causing his friends to cringe. Something to was the crusty pork down, nice root beer that could've contained any other substance. Delicious.

"What? No, don't grab it! That's probably another trap, you doofus!" (y/n) shrieked over her shoulder but again, Ray didn't listen until he'd stuck his hand in yet another booby trap. The second the bottle left the pressure plate, it snapped shut on his other wrist with a force that would've broken the tendons there had it been anyone else.

"Cobra-Kai, that was equally painful! G'ahhhh..."

"That's the man you want to marry?" Charlotte asked (y/n) dryly, giving her one of her dubious looks as if to tell her that she was dumb for falling for such a moron. They were polar opposites, he could do very little right and she could do very little wrong; even if they had taught her what true love looked like, it was hard to see what the woman fell for since she wasn't the type to go solely off looks.

"Yeah...he has his good moments," she replied quietly and scuffed her sneaker against the dirt. She could name a million things that made her fall in love with Ray, starting with how kind he could, how gentle he was, and how he secretly cared more than anyone, to his floppy hair, baby blue eyes and goofy grin. Amongst other things.

"Oh my god, (y/n/n), what happened to your knees?" Jasper unexpectedly exclaimed, having watched the way she scratched her shoe into the ground and caught sight of the fading bruises.

They were barely visible, almost fully healed so really, she just had some very, very minor bruises that would disappear within the next five minutes. However, if Jasper knew her superpower, and he did, he'd say that for them to be like that, she must've scuffed them up pretty badly. What had happened?

"Oh, uh...um..." the woman stuttered and prayed that the heat from her cheeks couldn't be felt by the kids over the fire. She had to think of something quickly, something that couldn't be added to the pile of reasons why she adored her doofus because it would scar all of them for life.

"Oh, uh...on the way back, I tripped on a tree root and cut them! Nothing super-regeneration can't fix, though..." was her pathetic excuse, which thankfully, went over Henry and Jasper's heads as though the scenario was plausible. They nodded and smiled sympathetically, telling her to watch where she was going in future, powers or no powers, but Charlotte didn't look so convinced. Yeah, sure, she tripped all right. Straight onto Ray's--

"People have been hunting you for years. What's so special about this guy?" Schwoz asked, turning to Bigfoot who was strangely tense after Jasper mentioned (y/n)'s banged-up legs. They were grown-ups, not idiots and the hairy man cleared his throat before continuing, sparing his and the woman's blushes with some tactful conversation.

"He's really good. He knows exactly what I like; pork chops, root beer..."

"Season two of Will & Grace on Blu-Ray!" Ray shouted once more, having spotted the small plastic box on the floor but not the trap that was undoubtedly hidden beneath the shower of dried leaves and twigs.

"That's a good season!"

"That's a great season! Maybe I can pick it up with my foot..." the hero replied, having spent many a binge session with his sweet girl to watch the famous sitcom. It was a freebie, he had to get it but this time, he was going to outsmart the trap since his hands were full, sort of.

"Ray, stop!" Schwoz yelled, hoping to get him to come back but the man was a child--he looked with his hands, not his eyes.

"AHHHHHH! Sweet Megan Mullally, when will I learn my lesson?" he whimpered as his leg was captured too, the metal threatening to impale his skin, even though it was holding out. That was a good question, when would he? Probably never, which was why it was always best to send his handler rather than let him work it out for himself.

"Someone should go get him," Charlotte suggested, eyeing Henry and (y/n) since they were the ones her boss liked best. His sidekicks could handle him, no sweat.

"On it."

"Honestly, it's like looking after a goddamn toddler," the young woman sighed as she followed Henry speedily. Hopefully, they'd get to Ray before he did something idiotic enough to land himself in serious trouble and it was annoying that she had to move again when the fire had just begun to keep her toasty.

"Anyway..." Bigfoot said sadly, standing to his enormous height and going over to get a tangerine from Schwoz's basket as he watched the boy and girl jog away around the corner, "it's only a matter of time before that hunter, S. Thompson, catches me."

"Y'know, Biggie, my friends are superheroes. Maybe they can help get this guy off your back," the genius suggested. He hated to see one of his oldest and dearest friends so gloomy and if he could, he'd do anything to help. And one of the biggest ways he could do that was getting Ray, Henry and (y/n) to flex their super muscles, intimidate this asshat a little bit to leave the woods and its residents alone.

"Hey, Henry! Grab that top hat that's randomly lying on the ground!"

"No, dude. It's a trap!"

"But look how fancy it is!"

"Raymond! You already look like a fire-damaged Lady Gaga impersonator, don't you dare set off another one of these things!" Well, they were super most of the time. Schwoz and Charlotte shook their heads as they overheard the interaction of the sidekicks trying to get the hero to follow them, only for him to reiterate how dumb he was.

"I know, I'll just kick it out of the trap really fast before it closes!"

"No, you doof, that's not gonna work!--" (y/n) begged her lover and tried to grab onto his bicep and tug him away without aggravating the claw on his arm, but once Ray had an idea in his head, he didn't snap out of it. Not even when she whined at the sight of him getting lynched.

"Yeooooowwwwwww! Mamma mia, that's a spicy bear trap!" He yowled as his other got caught, meaning he was now snatched and snipped in all four corners; the pain was near unbearable but he had his prizes, including a dashing top hat that he hoped would make his despairing sweet girl fall for him.

"See what I mean? There are traps everywhere," Bigfoot sighed and Schwoz understood his predicament. From how easy it was to fool Ray, there was a different trap every few feet, so there was no wonder that he was on edge--one wrong move could spell disaster.

"Hey!" Ray yelled as he approached the clearing again, finally having been shoved that way after Henry wrestled him away from something else interesting - another spoil of bear trap war. "Did you guys know there's a bunch of traps and a really sweet top hat in the woods?"

"Yeah, did you also know there's a massive doofus who keeps falling for them too?" (y/n) hissed as she moodily walked behind him, watching how her lover limped from the pain and weight of the metal that clung to his body. He did look cute in the top hat, though, like a huge dork that her heart couldn't help but sing for no matter how much he irritated her with his antics.

The doofus wasn't the only creature falling that night. The sweet girls were at it too.

~A while later~

After peeling Ray from the traps, a task that had required all of them working together and a monumental amount of effort, the plan to save Bigfoot was well underway.

The heroes were in their uniform, ready to pounce should this S. Thompson guy show up prematurely but apart from the electric anticipation in the air, things were smooth. 

Using one of his many contacts, Ray had brought in a large, steel booby trap, one that wasn't like one of those piddling little claw things that had got him. No, this was the real deal, something he'd used to trick criminals hundreds of times before. 

It was a box, spread out flat across the woodland floor and when lifted by several ropes, it trapped whoever was dumb enough to be standing on it like an animal. It was genius, apart from the fact that they had yet to camouflage it.

"Thanks," Jasper nodded at Henry, who had taken the time to laser off the hair on the boy's hands since they had a lick of free time now that most of the work was done. 

"Yeah, you got it," the sidekick smiled, glad to help out his buddy. Well, he'd mainly done it to stop his complaints, not to mention the fact that the sight of the ever-growing hairs was starting to freak him out.

"It was really hard to go to the bathroom with all of that hand hair."

"I don't wanna hear about it," Henry said quickly, recoiling at the image of Jasper doing stuff and then, stuff getting on things and...ew. He did not want to hear about that, too much information but it didn't deter Jasper, not at all. 

Sensing his friend's discomfort, he merely smiled and warmly patted his arm before walking off, mentioning something about enlightening poor Charlotte with his toilet troubles instead. She and (y/n) had been sent off on a very important mission whilst the guys did all of the heavy liftings with the trap; they were told to collect twigs and moss and leaves--that sort of thing--any material that would cover the metal sheets and blend it into the ground. 

"Hey, we got the pine needles you wanted to cover the trap!" Charlotte announced, shuffling back into the clearing with a fluffy mound of brown foliage. Twigs, moss and leaves weren't that easy to carry, but millions of pine needles could easily be scooped up, even if they didn't make them feel itchy and scratchy. 

Walking to the centre of the flat box, the girls dumped their loads, watching as it fluttered to the ground and covered about one per cent of the metal, which didn't help them. The needles clumped together, so all it was were two brown lumps on the ground, not the thick camo they were after.

"Oh my god, where'd the trap go?" Henry asked sarcastically, looking at the two who didn't respond well to his dry quip. He'd expected them to either bring more or at least try and spread it out, give them a bit more coverage, but frankly, it was a pathetic effort on their part.

"Seriously, sweet girl? That's all the pine needles you could get?" Ray turned to his fiancée, whose eyes narrowed at the prospect of him pointing the blame but he didn't sound mean or angry, just soft and questioning. Right, the others could be told off but never her--she was the one he was enchanted by.

"Well, doofus, we could've gotten more if maybe someone would've helped us. I don't know, maybe someone with floofy hair and thirty-two-inch biceps?" (y/n) replied frankly, her hands on her hips since she wasn't a miracle worker. 

If she was an octopus, she would've been able to carry eight times that amount, or if she was a magician, she could float them over, but she wasn't. She was just a superheroine who'd tripped a million times in her cute boots that were sadly not designed for rocky terrain and had a lover who'd been too busy strutting about like an egotistical peacock to help her and Charlotte.

"Don't worry, darlin'. I got you," he smirked and for a moment, she genuinely thought that she'd gotten through to him with her flirting and stroking of his ego but then, he had to go and ruin it, "Jasper! Schwoz! Go with Charlotte and Miss Danger and get more pine needles."

The boss had spoken and upon receiving his command, the boys and girl sloped off to go and scavenge for more needles, leaving (y/n) to give him a boring look. And people said chivalry was dead.

"Wow, Captain Man. Thanks a lot!" She exclaimed in a faux excited voice, turning lethargically on her heel but not before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. He might have pissed her off but she'd never leave without giving him one, otherwise, she'd never be able to concentrate on anything other than the knowledge that her doofus might not know how much she loved him. And she could never have that.

"So, what's the plan?" Bigfoot asked as the woman walked off to tell Jasper not to eat any unknown substances. It was his voice that broke Ray out of his trance, having been totally in a dream as he followed her figure until it had rounded the corner completely. What? What was that? Had he been thinking about her thighs again? Certainly not!

"We're gonna trap that jerk-bag hunter," Ray replied calmly. He still wasn't awed to be in Bigfoot's presence but he could tolerate him now that his system was clear and he had a job to focus on. 

"Yeahhhhh, Bigfoot likey!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, as soon as we spring the trap, Captain Man and I will pop out and he won't even remember that you're Bigfoot.

"Oh, solid plan!" The hairy man grinned as Henry explained what they were gonna do and it did sound pretty cool. The hunter couldn't hunt if he didn't know what he was hunting, which was what made it so clever, if only they were that too. After all, they were so busy chuckling that they didn't notice the predator circling them.

"How does this trap worked?" Biggie asked, distracting them yet again from their surroundings. The stalker in the bushes was good at his job as Bigfoot had described, so he knew how to muffle his footsteps and creep about in the shadows to the extent that not even the great Captain Man with all of his experience knew what was happening.

"Great question, 'Foot!"

"You're gonna stand right over there and when the hunter sees you, he's gonna be like, doo-do-doo-do-doo-do! There's Bigfoot!" Ray played it out, acting like an idiot as he scampered over to stand in the middle of the trap.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, he's gonna walk over and stand right here--this spot," Henry carried on, moving to stand next to his boss so they were adjacent to the pathetic pile of pine needles. They were so dumb; Thompson was standing right there and they didn't even know it, and neither did they see how huddling together was a really crap idea.

"Right here?"

"Mhmm, right where we're standing right now," Ray nodded to the other man, who was now in the centre of the box too, looking around intently but not that intently...or carefully.

"And then, Schwoz will hit a button and he'll spring the trap."

"This trap right here?" Bigfoot pointed to the metal under their feet, just to make sure he knew what they were planning. After all, it was his safety and everything.

"The same."

"The one we're standing over right now."

"And where is this button that springs the trap we're standing on right now?" Bigfoot asked, not realising that his biggest foe was eavesdropping on every word they were saying. It was like they wanted him to know how to outwit them or like they had a death wish because Thompson was getting some great tips on how to catch the beast he'd been after for so many years.

"Another great question, 'Foot. It is riiiiiiiggggghhhtt...there," Henry slurred, looking around for the button since he hadn't been paying attention when Schwox had been setting it up. He and Ray scanned the trees and surrounding bushes before their eyes landed on one big red button that had been nailed to a tree trunk. And that's when they finally noticed the man in the high-vis vest standing next to it. 

"Hey there, fella!" Ray suddenly said in a tight, chirpy voice that didn't soothe or fool Thompson. He knew a nervous person when he cornered one or three, including his prize.

"Would you mind stepping over here to the--" Too late. Nothing Ray could've said would have convinced Thompson to do anything but whack the button; he'd waited years to catch Bigfoot and now, he had him and he'd virtually walked into a trap set by himself. He wouldn't pass up that opportunity. Immediately, the trap was sprung and a series of pulleys above their heads pulled the walls up, magnetically locking the three in a solid steel box.

"Woo!" The hunters had become the hunted.

Inside, Ray pulled a portable light from his belt and stuck it to the wall, giving them light now that the moon was hidden due to the height of the metal. It wasn't great but at least they could sort of see.

"Okay, we need a new plan..." Henry hissed to his boss, who knew that it was just a question of what. They couldn't get out, not on their own and little did Thompson know but they had two teens and a weirdo and a hot superhero out in the woods as a backup. He knew what to do.

"Scream for help?"

"Scream for help." Henry nodded and instantly, the three bawled at the top of their lungs. The noise ricocheted out and into the night air as they begged for mercy, for someone to come get them and for the hunter to not hurt them--Ray even tried thumping on the walls to no avail. All that could be heard was that hillbilly celebrating his easiest victory ever.

"Woo! Gah! Yeeewoo! Finally got Bigfoot! Yeah, gah, you're in there, boy! Woo!" He screamed and banged his fist against the steel, causing Biggie to jump at the racket as his enemy taunted him. "I'm gonna call the news right now! That's right, I'm gonna be famous! I'm definitely gonna get married now..."

"Not before I do, buddy..." Ray muttered, fully aware that the asshole couldn't hear him but still. He wasn't gonna be carted off like some freak and fail his mission there had to be some way out, after all, he had a very important date to make at some point. And even so, he doubted that any girl would want to come in three feet of a man who wanted to poach innocent beings.

"Dude, he's calling the news. What are we gonna do?" Henry questioned worriedly and ignored the murmurings that fell from his boss' mouth. He was more concerned with their current predicament than whether Thompson thought he was God's gift to women or water.

"Oh, come on. Like the news is gonna pick up..." the hero scoffed at his sidekick's worries. Not to be mean or anything but S. Thompson was a bit of a weirdo and he doubted that the news would pay attention to him at all--if anything, this would be a wake-up call for him to get a proper job.

"This is the hunter, S. Thompson and I trapped Bigfoot. Bring your cameras, you can be the first people in the world to show pictures of him!" The hunter's hushed voice came from outside and quickly, Henry gave Ray the stink eye. He just had to jinx it, didn't he?

Yeah, the news was interested, they had very little else to do, so now, Mary, Trent and probably all the other creature fanatics in Swellview were headed their way. 

"He called the news! They're on the way!" Bigfoot exclaimed in a panicky voice. He was freaking out at the thought of being exposed to the world and from the sounds of it, he was near tears at the thought of being labelled a mutant, a sideshow freak. 

"Relax, 'Foot, I'm gonna laser us outta here," Ray told him soothingly as he plucked his controller from his belt. He'd had a great idea and hell, it had once been tried in a movie so it might work now, even if in that movie, the theory hadn't panned out.

"What? No, no, no, dude, it's diamond-plated steel--" Henry tried to warn him that firing a laser could have disastrous consequences but like always, Ray didn't listen. Schwoz and (y/n) had said something about the metal being extremely durable and resistant, so a silly laser wouldn't do a thing, not even a scratch, as they were about to see.

Ray fired a small shot, not at full strength but not a mild one either, but when it came into contact with the patch of walls above their heads, the plasma bounced. It another plate and another and another, ricocheting all around them until it burned a hole in Bigfoot's fur. 

"Ow!" He yelped in pain as the heat seared away all of the hair to leave his skin underneath smooth and pale. Definitely not one of Ray's best ideas.

"Maybe if I set this thing to kill..." he muttered, again not thinking with his head. Stupidly, he didn't make the connection that a stronger laser wouldn't help, all it would do was render one of them dead, so Henry would have to wrestle to stop him before something disastrous happened...or maybe not. He'd just had a brainwave.

"Hang on a second. Dude, dudedudedudedudedudedude--"

"What? What?" Ray looked at him, agitated from all of the pesterings. Seriously, that was as annoying as (y/n) begging him for a slurp of his drinks all of the time but without any of the butterflies.

"Dude, look at his arm," Kid Danger said, pointing to Biggie's right arm, the one that had been nicked by the rogue laser.

"Yeah, it's big, but mine are way bigger," the man replied, not seeing the significance of the other guy's arms when his were superb. Come on, they made Miss Danger swoon whenever he tensed them and so, that's what he did, flexed them to make them puff up into the physique that he was well-known for. 

"What? No, that's not what I'm--" the boy shook his head and got his boss to knock it off because his name wasn't (y/n) - thirty-two-inch biceps didn't work on him. "Look at the bald spot! It looks like he's got normal skin." He redirected his attention to the lasered spot, which kinda looked like Jasper's head had been after the unfortunate incident.

"So?" Ray shrugged again, not seeing why the kid was getting so pumped over silly old Bigfoot. 

"So, this might sound crazy but...what if we shave Bigfoot with our lasers?" Henry suggested, looking at Ray with a devious smirk. Hell yeah, it was crazy and kooky but they were desperate, so maybe they needed a bit of that. 

"Okay...love that," Ray was up for it anyway. After the Jasper incident, he'd discover that seeing someone with their hair gone was pretty funny and besides, Bigfoot was known for being hairy--what would the news crews do if they turned up to a pink blob and two superheroes? Probably nothing.

"Uh...I don't know, guys. My hair is kind of my thing," the hairy man said anxiously. He had some doubts, which was understandable but it might be their only option.

"Exactly! So, if we zap your hair off, when they open this up, it'll just be three totally normal, hairless dudes just chilling in the woods!" Henry explained. Honestly, Biggie didn't know if getting caught as a beast or as one of three guys in the woods was worst--the boy did make it sound a bit weird, especially when he and Ray did their weird little hand-wiggle thing.

"Hairless boys!"

"Exactly!" They grinned and did their little high-pitched tongue noises as their fingers wiggled together before looking at the man expectantly.

"Uh, I don't know..." Bigfoot debated, sounding unsure since it had taken him a long time to get to be the walking carpet he was now. How long would it be until he got his hirsute splendour back? But then...

"Woo! Ya hear that? The news is comin'! Yeah, the world is finally gonna know the name of the hunter, S. Thompson! You're mine now, ya big, smelly hairbag!" The obnoxious poacher's voice came from outside and the southern drawl sent a shiver down Bigfoot's spine. Right, he had to remember the alternative and what would happen to him if he didn't lose his hair. It didn't bear thinking about.

"Be gentle..." Finally, he came to a decision; the hair had to go. At least if they set it to a weaker setting then the beam wouldn't be as strong or painful, and so, with the devices turned down low, Henry and Ray got to work. Biggie's eyes were squeezed shut as green light began to glide across his fur, taking it away bit by bit. 

It was just hair. It would grow back. Being bald was temporary, being trapped and experimented on was forever.

~Deeper in the woods~

Whilst all of that had been going on with the boys, (y/n) had been traipsing after Schwoz, Charlotte and Jasper for what seemed like forever. 

The boy kept seeing bright plants and flowers that he liked the look of--plants and flowers that (y/n) could swear were poisonous so she had a job keeping him alive as they each collected large armfuls of pine needles until they could carry no more. 

They'd been at it for a good ten minutes, surely, they had enough to satisfy Ray and cover the trap, besides, Charlotte and Jasper could swear that she was getting antsier the longer she was away from her doofus. Stupid love, it made them so silly.

"Hey, I got more pine needles for the trap!"

"Me too!" The girls shouted as they came stumbling back from different routes, having decided that foraging in different clearings would be the best idea. Schwoz was already stood at the meeting point and like them, could barely see over his collection it was that plentiful.

"Okay, just put them over there by the bush--" he instructed them, thinking that they were gonna return to the campsite in a moment but he didn't expect them to just dump their loads on him. As if he was some sort of pack mule, Charlotte dumped her needles on top of his and because of that, (y/n) copied her, believing that he'd kindly offered to carry them so their arms wouldn't get all itchy.

"Wait, wait, that is not--" His protests came too late and then, Jasper returned as well with yet more pine needles.

"Comin' in with needles!" He shouted, carrying another million or so and Charlotte knew exactly what to do with them, after all, they weren't heavy or anything.

"Oh, give 'em to Schwoz."

"No, do not do that!" the genius protested, thinking that he could barely see as it was, he didn't want more needles on top of him. But Jasper had a problem, one that hadn't been taken care of earlier when Henry kindly volunteered to trim his hand hair because, for the most part, it had been forgotten about.

"I can't hear with all this ear hair!" Jasper yelled at an unnecessary volume and now that they looked, the girl could see that he had long tufts of hair sprouting from inside his ears. Schwoz had said not to itch them and Henry hadn't lasered them, so he was having a hard time listening to anything--including himself.

"Give--your--pine needles--to Schwoz!" (y/n) shouted directly into his ear, hoping that she was being loud enough to penetrate the long strands. Jasper strained to catch every word and nodded as he got the just of it, much to the small man's displeasure.

"Okay!"

"Wait! Don't--arghh!" he groaned as the final pile was added and whilst one small bundle weighed practically nothing, added together, it was quite hefty, enough to make him feel a slight strain. "I know my muscles are huge but--

"Hey, guys!" A voice suddenly came from the right to cut off Schwoz. He couldn't see who it was but for (y/n), Jasper and Charlotte, it was highly familiar--Piper. (y/n) squeaked at the thought of her seeing Miss Danger in the woods, fraternising with two teens who she wasn't supposed to know and in a split second of panic, she froze and looked for a place to hide as the girl approached.

"Someone caught Bigfoot in a trap--bye!" And like that, she was gone. Piper didn't even register that a gobsmacked heroine had been in the clearing, as well as a walking haystack so it was a surreal experience until the panic set in again for a whole different reason.

"Wait, what did she say?" Schwoz asked, not having heard the shocking news above the rustling of the pine needles. Plus, it was kinda hard to believe it since they were trying to do the reverse.

"Someone taught Bigfoot how to rap!" Jasper replied loudly, getting nearly all of the words wrong thanks to his hairy ears. To be fair, Piper had only been present for all of three seconds and Charlotte had (y/n) barely caught it, so he was at a disadvantage.

"No! Someone--caught--Bigfoot--in a trap!" Charlotte yelled, sounding out each word as the heroine had done earlier so he had time to catch them. Well, that didn't sound good at all, especially since if Bigfoot was trapped, then something must've happened to Ray and Henry too. Oh, god...

"We need to get back there!" (y/n) breathed out and gestured for the kids to run after her as a chill ran down her body. Her sweet doofus, Henry, Biggie, something must've happened, so she took off running with the teens hot on her heels as Schwoz floundered with the now useless needles.

"Wait, what about the pine needles?" He called after them.

"Who cares?!" Charlotte screamed over her shoulder and by that point, she was already gone by the time Schwoz said that he did. Miss Danger would have a heart attack if anything happened to her companions, especially her soulmate, but the genius was more concerned about what they had spent so long collecting. 

But he didn't have to think about it for long because as he worried about what to do with them, a large, grumbling man emerged from the bushes, heading straight for him. In his drunken state, the man collided with Schwoz, coating himself with the needles that for some reason stuck to him like glue and when he roared from the pain, Schwoz took off running.

He knew a monster when he saw one, even if that monster looked strangely familiar, so he left it to gurgle and claw at the fuzz clinging to his skin so he could make a break for it and catch up with the others.

~

In the clearing, things had started to heat up.

True to their word to S. Thompson, the news and all of their helicopters, crews and the genuine desk had turned up for the big report, one that would make the hunter famous once and for all. Trent and Mary were here and as soon as the cameras started rolling, he'd spring it for them to see, for the entire world to see.

Not only that, but a group of enthusiasts and local busybodies had arrived, hoping to catch a glimpse of the real-life Bigfoot in the man's trap, so their phones were ready for the big moment, whenever that would come.

"This is insane..." (y/n) grumbled to Charlotte and Jasper, her arms folded as she watched the news desk be lowered from the helicopter for Trent and Mary to sit at. 

There had been a few murmured whispers about why Miss Danger had suddenly stormed onto the scene with her face like thunder and two teenagers and a weirdo following her but she was too worried to pay attention. Apparently, Bigfoot was in their trap, which had worked perfectly only on the wrong people, and she just knew that her doofus was stuck in there too--the doofus.

"That's good, Rick!" Trent shouted to the helicopter pilot once the desk was firmly on the ground for her and Mary to sit at.

"Did I miss Bigfoot?" Piper asked Mitch Bilsky, who had indeed been the terrified camper spooked by Biggie earlier. The girl had been slowed down by her dad, who'd gotten lost somewhere along the way after eating some poisonous fungus, but she'd left him behind when the whir of the helicopter sounded above her head. Bigfoot was more important.

"Nah, that guy's about to reveal him right now," Mitch replied, pointing to Thompson as he loitered around the trap, "I'm gonna get a video of me looking at his feet going, what are those?!"

"If I could have everyone's attention!" The hunter announced and looked to the crowd where Mitch was being so immature, "I'd like to give a little speech." He said tenderly, annoying the buzzing crowd who weren't much for mushy sentimentality.

"Websters defines a hero as a big sandwich...but if you look a little further down--"

"Just open it up, ya gunch!" Mitch yelled, interrupting the dumb speech that was in no way relevant or tearjerking. For once, (y/n) was grateful for his big mouth and shuffled from one foot to another as the seconds lagged. She didn't want to hear some shit about sandwiches when her friends and lover were trapped inside and about to be revealed to the world.

"Fine, I'll open it," Thompson huffed, annoyed that his glorious moment as a hero had been shot down, but the best was yet to come as he grabbed the trap's release. 

"Behold! Bigfoot!" he cried and the walls fell into their original flat position. As (y/n) had predicted, Ray and Henry had indeed gotten trapped with Bigfoot, caught by that dumbass hunter but along with the heroes was a being who blew her mind. 

The cameras flashed as everyone gawked at the guy who was supposedly Bigfoot, but he wasn't. What had been fur was now smooth, pale skin that had seen little sunlight and the teens, (y/n) and Schwoz gasped as they saw Biggie looking like a proper man. His hair and beard were clipped, as were his torso and legs save for a section around his butt that had been kept furry to save his modesty. Honestly, they were just two heroes and a guy in furry pants, what was epic about that?

"Hey, everybody!"

"Hi, people of Swellview..." Ray and Henry greeted the crowd awkwardly as Bigfoot held his breath and tried not to shiver from the newfound cold. Ray turned to wink at his sweet girl, who sighed with relief when she saw that they were all okay but he wasn't able to quell her questioning look, not without tipping off the crowd that they were in the middle of a scheme.

"Trent, Mary, how's it goin'?"

"How are you?" They then turned to news crews, who looked equally perplexed because they had been expecting Bigfoot, not the crimefighters and some random big guy with weird fashion sense. S. Thompson had gone strangely pale and quiet as he took in his prize--or lack thereof--and he couldn't work out what had happened.

"So...where's Bigfoot?" Trent asked, searching the scene but coming up empty. God, he hated hoaxes.

"He's there! He's right there, look!" S. Thompson snapped, pointing directly at Biggie, who merely appeared shrewd and harmless at such an indictment, turning around as if he was just another curious onlooker--just how Ray and Henry had told him to act. If he looked in a mirror, he wouldn't recognise himself, let alone the fanatics and journalists around them, who always saw Bigfoot in one specific light.

"Who, Eddie? This is just our friend, Eddie," Captain Man lied, brushing away the hunter's accusations with faux innocence and his signature trustworthy persona. Everyone believed their favourite heroes because they loved them so much and their cunning made Charlotte, Jasper, (y/n) and Schwoz smirk at each other.

"Hi, I'm Eddie!" Bigfoot waved to the baffled crowd with a big grin on his face. They were confused but didn't suspect a thing; perfect.

"Yeah, and Eddie here, he--he likes to wear...hair shorts."

"Which are a real thing!" Henry said and was quickly backed up by Ray when everyone's gaze fell to Bigfoot's curious attire. Well, they couldn't leave him naked and from a distance, they just looked like a peculiar garment; it wouldn't be the first time Swellview had been hit by weird fashions, the hip youth was always doing odd stuff.

"Whoa...I never heard of no hair shorts," Thompson protested, glaring at the heroes as they tried to slip his prize out from under his nose. He knew the truth, he could smell Bigfoot after so many years of studying and he wasn't going to let them convince the crowd otherwise.

"Well, I have!" (y/n) abruptly exclaimed, crossing the clearing to come and stand in between Henry and her doofus, bringing with her an opinion that the citizens of Swellview could never refuse. 

Miss Danger was often spotted in every magazine going, whether they be gossip or fashion because everyone wanted to know what she thought or wore or liked, so if she put her seal of approval on hair shorts then they would be in every boutique in the city before the next sunrise. 

"Yeah, I've heard of hair shorts and I think that they are the coolest. I have so many pairs at home!" She lied through her beaming smile as Ray stood smugly next to her and put his arm around her waist. She smiled at that, feeling her heart flutter now that she knew he was safe and sound, even if the camera flashes meant that they'd be headlining the news again as the city's hottest couple.

"Did you hear? Miss Danger says that hair shorts are the coolest!" Charlotte repeated to the crowd in a robotic voice like she was an avid fan eager to follow the heroine's way of life to a tee.

"Yeah! And she's an influencer so hair shorts have to be cool!" Jasper carried on, sending the crowd into a hush of whispers because that's how society worked in the modern era. Celebrities were the leaders and the mere mortal public were the sheep and none could be prouder than Ray as he stood on the arm of the hottest woman in town.

"I--I mean, those are the rules," Piper acknowledged. She was an internet loiterer, constantly checking and refreshing every app and website going for new trends and gossip, so she'd know what to do if one of her idols said something; follow it to the letter.

"Come on, guys. Let's go get some hair shorts!" Mitch smirked at his pack of buffoons, showing that the pack mentality was starting to work--hair shorts would be popular come tomorrow afternoon. And that did not please Thompson.

"No, wait! Don't leave!" he begged the crowd, who were beginning to lose interest now that they knew that Bigfoot was still a mystery and he a loony. "Y'all, that's Bigfoot and I found him! And I'm gonna get married!"

"Fat chance of that..." (y/n) said under her breath so only Ray and Henry could hear her. The man chuckled at her response that was along the lines of his and it was when he had pressed his lips to her temple joyfully that something came stumbling out of the undergrowth.

The crowd gasped as a hulking, moaning creature staggered into the clearing, looking like it had been in a fight with a dead bush and lost, and sounding like it was in pain--kinda like Bigfoot. He was hairy, sort of, and animalistic in his manner, so they snapped a few pictures for evidence of what was actually Mr Hart covered in a load of sap, pine needles from Schwoz, whilst slightly high from the moss that he'd eaten by mistake.

"That's Bigfoot!" Mary cried from the desk, pointing at the terrifying monster as it snarl at the stunned crowd, who quickly descended into madness as they saw what looked like a creature from a fairytale. 

As the disorientated man swayed, they charged, eager to get a hold of Bigfoot and Mr Hart ran for his life, the bleariness in his eyes making it difficult until they were all lead away from the trap. And that left the Man Cave team and "Eddie" alone at last.

"Well, that just about wraps it up," Ray said with a clap of his hands and he could honestly say that he was ready to go home. He had unfinished business with his sweet girl and the idea of falling asleep with her as they watched movies in the bed sounded heavenly.

"So..." Henry nodded, knowing that there wasn't much else for them to do now that all of the hunters were on the wrong trail and they'd met Schwoz's friend as they had set out to do. "You guys wanna go back to the Man Cave and watch Will & Grace?"

"Season two?" Biggie asked.

"Do you even have to ask?" Henry giggled and the man and boy bumped fists as everyone agreed that the plan couldn't be better. Well, that would (y/n) and Ray down to the ground, they'd fall asleep watching anything, in their room or not in their room, as long as they could cuddle, which they inevitably would. 

"Let's go!" (y/n) grinned and ushered them all to get moving so they could leave all of the drama behind. However, as the teens, Schwoz and Bigfoot turned to go, Ray's eyes wandered and spotted something shiny and interesting yet again. There were so many traps yet for him to discover...so many things for him to take.

"Ooooh, look. Some cheese titos!" he smirked deviously and wiggled his fingers, indicating that he was gonna swipe them for a binge-watching snack. He would never learn his lesson, no matter how many times he hurt himself or had his fingers smacked by his precious girl.

"What? No, dude, no!" Henry tried to stop him, not wanting to go through the same struggle again but this time, (y/n) was willing to let Ray learn for himself. After all, once bitten twice shy, right?

"No, kid, just let him. Sadly, this is the only way he'll learn," she sighed and held a hand out for him to stay where he was. He was her doofus and she loved him but she wasn't going to spend their lives together running around to wrap him in cotton wool. He couldn't be an idiot forever, he'd soon learn to keep his hands to himself.

"These things are cheesetastic!" Ray grinned and reached down to grab the bag as he kept smiling at his tired fiancée. He'd just get these and then, they could go because of course, he wasn't aware that he was the one tiring her out with his antics. 

"ARGGGGGGHHHHH!" And then came the pain. The claw closed on his hand as the others had and it was like his hand was being ripped off constantly but refusing to let go of his wrist. "Crunchy snacks, that smarts!"

His friends cringed but as the pain passed, they assumed that he'd hobble back to (y/n)'s side to lick his wounds and seek her comfort, but no. In true Ray fashion and despite his silent promise, the hero looked to his left and saw something else, another doohickey that he fancied, and he figured that one more trinket could hurt. Traps could hurt, though, and hearing him in pain was even worse for some.

"Hey, look! A cane! That'll go perfect with my top hat!" he noted as he ate a chip and felt so giddy about the idea of being a pristine gentleman for his sweet girl that he skipped off to go and retrieve it. At this rate, they'd never go home, not until he was immobilised by metal and carrying a bag full of worthless tat.

"Or...he'll never learn." the heroine lamented, burying her face in her hands as Ray went off again...and got trapped again. Did he not know that he was breaking her heart and tearing down every word she said in his defence? She could get him titos if he wanted and she didn't need him to dress up, dressing down was preferable and now, he was a bigger doofus than ever.

"Ow! Puttin' on the Ritz, that hurts!"

"Are you sure you wanna marry him? It's not too late to run for it, y'know..." Charlotte retorted to the woman, who didn't take any offence from her words. She was joking, that was clear, the girl would never ruin the relationship that she helped to forge, but it had to be said yet again. 

They were so different and him so difficult--did she really want to sign herself up for a lifetime of that?

"You don't know my doofus like I do. He's a massive idiot and he drives me insane but he's my massive idiot. I wouldn't have it any other way... I love him."

Hell yeah, she did.

[riacte]

Space Opera AU dashboard simulator 2 (but there's plot if you squint) (probably worse than its predecessor)

🚀 renthepilot

HAPPY BITRHDAY TO ME!! I TURN 7!!! :D :D :D <3 <3 <3 RD

❤️ falsewell

Happy 7th birthday Ren! :)

🚀 renthepilot

Thank u FalsE!!!!!! :DDDDDD >.< RD

🍵 cinnamontea Follow

... Why is my 17yo ET1blr mutual talking to a 7yo on Sunblr. I came here for analysis posts but apparently she's babysitting her cousin or perhaps a strangely intelligent dog??

❤️ falsewell

I mean, I would be worried if a 7yo was piloting the glider I race in 🤨

🍵 cinnamontea Follow

WDYM THAT GUY IS YOUR RACE PARTNER? OMFG I AM SO SORRY

🍀 et1vision Follow

Chat do you remember when we found RK and QoH's Sunblr accounts from when they weren't famous and were just two kids in illegal races. Because it was hysterical. Hands up if you thought falsewell was someone's canon url and not QoH herself.

🪓 handoftheking

That interaction was pretty cute to be honest. Ren's still 7 the last I checked.

🪸 hoes4redking Follow

[deep sigh] littlewood at the scene of the crime as always

#WHYYYYYYY is he chronically online #he needs to be stopped and locked up #i bet he scrolls through the treebark tag every day #he knows Too Much #do you think he brings up sunblr during dinner #and etho and bigb look at him like hes insane

7,207 notes

🔥 yaoihell Follow

save me queen of hearts

🔥 yaoihell Follow

queen of hearts

🔥 yaoihell Follow

queen of hearts save me

🏐 apollos-dodgeball 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 Follow

Congratulations on the prophecy!

[Beep boop, this is a gimmick blog!]

🔥 yaoihell Follow

what the actual fuck.

🌼 fast-and-bifurious Follow

i think i hauve the plague

47,981 notes

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

hi babes the demons in my head won so new fic!!

i'm your biggest fan, i'll follow you until you love me, pa-pa paparazzi

pairing: the red king x blue stalker (they/them) (exterra 1 rpf)

summary: why are you as a bounty hunter so intent on hunting ren down? what do you want to do with him? pin him against a wall and kiss him until he's breathless and melting like putty in your hands?

word count: 10.1k

tags: enemies to lovers, angst, hurt no comfort, whump, ust, no actual smut, making out, blood, slight knifeplay, submissive rk, open ending

Keep reading

🏹 queenofheartsfanclub Follow

Listen, I don't do RPF, I can handle Treebark (because I have eyes), but this is crossing a line. Especially after the accusations by RK. I think his evidence is pretty compelling.

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

dead dove do not eat. i am aware this is a fucked up dynamic but it's fictional. it's not like the real blue stalker has a toxic codependent attraction to the guy they're assigned to kill (btw i mained qoh so i completely understand where you're coming from)

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

oh.

🏹 queenofheartsfanclub Follow

hey

so do you wanna kiss before the haters get to you?

🫐 toxicblueberry Follow

of course. can we get married

#love can be found on the battlefield in more ways than one #fave post #annoying treebark fans fuck off!!!!!!

1109 notes

🌹 fyeahroseduo Follow

Coming out as a falsedog shipper is harder than coming out as gay

🦇 starshipspachelbel Follow

TEN YEARS????

Time is not real

🌃 nightpatrols Follow

I had vivid flashbacks. I feel faint. This post caused so much drama omfg. I need a treebark equivalent on my desk by 8am sharp next morning

🪓 handoftheking

Coming out as a Treebark shipper is harder than coming out as bi

🌃 nightpatrols Follow

WHAT THE FUFHUBFBFUOUOFFUCK

#HES IN OUR WALLS #HE STARTED THE SHIP #this is gonna sweep the next unhinged moment poll #??!?1!?!???!?!?! #HATE THIS LUMIAN GLOWY ASS #btw for non et1 mutuals: this man is literally bi #yeah hes really gay for his pilot. yeah we all know #theyre always holding hands and shit #edit: DID HE REBLOG THIS AT 7:30AM #IDK HOW PLANETZONES CONVERSATION WORKS #*conversion #listen i failed school 2 years in a row ok 😭

19,626 notes

🎵 daily-music Follow

Music video of the day is: R8cer Boi by Avril Lavigne!

🎵 daily-music Follow

who the fuck is renn dog

🎵 daily-music Follow

who has little wood

🎵 daily-music Follow

why are y'alls twink racers larping as royals from medieval era planet earth

🎵 daily-music Follow

sorry for calling the queen of hearts a twink. im sorry women

#im so done with yalls bullshit #who are these people #why do they show up in my tags

898 notes

[needtotouchsomegrass]

𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

What do you think Levi would to if you had your heart broken and needed comfort, while having feelings for you?

𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 / 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

„Okay, calm down,“ I say to myself. Hands still on the steering wheel, knuckles white , I stare ahead of me, trying to keep my cool.

Taking deep breaths, in and out.

My eyes wander around, taking in my surroundings. She lives here.Just round the corner.

Heart pounding against my ribs. Fuck. Why out of all people did she call me? - Because you are her best friend.

Stop feeling so greedy, suck it up and be there for her.

I sigh again. Why did this lame excuse of a man have to hurt her like that? With her best friend? Fucking bitch.This woman deserves to be treated like a damn princess. Her pure, little soul is way too precious to be broken like that. Dropped, shattered into pieces.

Levi you dipshit, get your damn ass out of your car and walk up to her door. What are you so afraid of?!

I take a deep breath, suffocating every one of those filthy thoughts I have about her. About us. Walking up to her door seems to be the hardest thing ever. My legs getting heavier with each step I get closer to the doorbell; closer to her.

„Hey h-,“ my heart stops, skipping several beats at her sight. Small figure, oversized sweater with tear stains on both of its sleeves.

Eyes red , mascara smeared all over those cute, little, flushed cheeks. I swallow hard, meeting her eyes. It pains me to see her like that. Not being her usual sunshine-self. It takes all my might not to pull her into me - inhale her scent, run my hands through that silky soft sea of golden waves. Levi that’s off limits. Don’t -

Before I get to gaslight myself any further, two tiny arms wrap around my waist, a face bumping into my chest, snuggling close.

I freeze in surprise, feeling her tears soak the fabric of my shirt. My heart aches at the sound of her crying into my chest. One of my hands moves faster than my brain can process, sliding up the small of her back until it’s wrapped around her neck, my thumb caressing her warm skin. „Levi,“ I look down meeting her gaze. „Hm?“ I let my eyes dip down to her lip for a mere second. Jesus get a hold of yourself. „Thank you for being my best friend,“ she beams me a soft smile. Her best friend. What else should I be?

„Y/n I -,“ YOU WHAT? Levi get that shit out of your head. She’s just been through something horrible, no need to make it worse.

Curiosity in her eyes she looks up to me. I cup her cheek with my hand, wiping another tear of her face. I inhale sharply my heart breaking little by little. „I….,“ I trail off. I want you. I want you so bad, you have no idea. You are my daylight on those days while on a mission when I find myself lost in darkness, falling back into a hole; feeling lonely. You give me hope and strength. Your smile warms my heart, brightens up my day. It breaks me to see you crying over a man who never deserved your attention in the first place. I’m not saying I’m better than him, but fuck me for not stopping him from hurting you. For not seeing him as the monster he is in advance. I love you. I know I am no guy who talks about feelings but you turned my world upside down. Showed me how beautifully warming and encouraging they can be……forgive me, my love….

I boop her nose with my index finger, earning a small grunt from her. Be her best friend. „So what do you think about pizza and Mario kart to cheer you up and forget this dick?“ A laugh bubbles out of her chest. „You can’t insult people behind their back, Levi. You said it’s more fun to tell them directly,“ she grins.

~ the end ~

⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡

𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 ♡

[pampanope]

Graves Headcanons from Shadows’ POV (Part 2):

Part 1

((hello hello again, more written stuff~))

7-11 sat in his quarters trying to decide which polaroid of the Commander he’d donate to the Graves Manual.

Would it be one of him mid-stretch, wearing knee-high compression socks and thigh length shorts? Maybe.

Or maybe the one with Graves slumped over his office desk, hair askew, drool leaking out of a parted mouth? A lot of potential there, a sleeping Graves is always cute appreciated.

How ‘bout the closeup of the Commander’s face, hair mussed by the wind, head tilted down, one side of his mouth quirked up playfully to expose a prominent canine, piercing steel eyes staring dead on at the camera full of challenge and—

Actually, fuck, no, 7-11’s keeping that one.

But also…

Did Graves know i was up in that tree? From that distance? The whole time? Or was it coincidence and he just happened to look in that one tree’s direction? What the fuck—he’s never—he looked at me—

7-11 took a deep breath and shuddered (out of fear or excitement?).

Right, probably just a coincidence; no way he’s caught on to my personal game, a game that’s been going on for months.

He would’ve said something by now, right?

Right.

Deciding to make a choice at a later date, he turned to his most pressing matter of the evening.

Zorro (9-24) had cornered him after evening chow, his brows all furrowed and mouth pursed in displeasure. He shoved a handful of stained loose leaf paper into his chest and said:

“Rewrite, retype, I don’t care, redo your coffee stained shit, sleepy cachorro, or I’ll let the new recruits know that their favorite, cool, mysterious Lt. is actually a slob of the highest degree.”

7-11 could only blink lazily as he was booped in the snoot with more force than called for, before the Brazilian swiftly power walked down the hallway.

That was hours ago.

Now those entries sat there on his desk and taunted him.

Well I can’t have the adorable receuits go around spreading that slander, he thought, knowing he thrived on their regard as much as he craved the Commander’s attention.

Sighing, 7-11 grabbed a fresh sheet of paper and began to write.

——-

• The Commander had a gift for people in general that was uncanny.

• Graves, after spending just enough time with someone, knew which buttons to push, what switches to pull, and which gears he’d need to grease or sabotage within that person to get his desired outcome.

•He can easily gauge the emotional state of his Shadows as individuals or as a whole. His pre-mission pep-rallies (for there is no better word for them) got their spirits up and blood boiling. Graves effortlessly grabs their attention and holds it in a tight grip.

(It was, 7-11 thought, so nice to have a boss who made an effort for you and from the scribbles along the margins, other Shadows agreed)

• This gift for people offered other advantages in the Commander’s line of work.

• He can get a basic grasp of a person’s capabilities or weaknesses through observation and intuition and decide if they’re worth his time. And his estimations were accurate far too often (Extremely useful when ‘recruiting’ in the field…)

(What does Graves see when he looks at me)

• it was akin to having a faded map that showed how best to navigate negotiations and dealings with adversaries, whether in business or combat; Graves intuitively knew when to apply pressure, how to bluff effectively, when threats were necessary, and if honeyed words wrapped in his southern drawl would yield better results.

(That last one was quite effective. Unfairly effective.)

• It’s always a goddamn pleasure to witness the Commander leverage his cards over the target. The smug, triumphant look he wore if his efforts were met with success was exquisite.

•As sure as the Commander’s grin hides a pair of wicked canines, so, too, does this empathy of his. It’s been honed into a weapon that, when turned on his enemies, can be deadly.

• Weaponized empathy.

(Holy hell, the Commander turned a typical Piscean trait into a weapon

EXCUSE ME HES A PISCES?!

Yeah I bribed a newbie in HR for that bit of info so ssshhhhh

Lil shit wont give me the Commanders bday. Yet.

Lemme at ‘em, I’ll make ‘em talk ;))

• It makes him a master manipulator and it’s an oft overlooked skill of Graves; most would look first at his experience in the USMC, MARSOC, and the weapons on his person to determine weapon proficiencies (haha tough luck, he’s proficient at multiple types of firearms and yeet-able objects).

•It’s allowed him to claw his way to success, tango with the rich elite that made up his client base, negotiate contracts with governments, traverse the murky waters that was life as a mercenary

• and safely guide his Shadow Company through it all.

(and always be ready to have the Commanders back should shit go pear shaped because NOTHING is ever certain)

• The Commander maxed out his Charisma stat

——-

7-111 chuckled softly at the surprise addition because yeah, Graves certainly did.

The officers in the D&D club gave after action reports that read like epic campaigns. Fucking beautiful.

7-11 decided to keep the little addition.

With that finished, he stacked the newly revised manual entries, shredded and dumped the originals, and swore to himself he’d apologize to Zorro in the morning for making the other Lieutenant spend some of his personal time tracking him down in the first place.

Hopefully he won’t send Peaches after his ass.

His ass and dignity haven’t yet recovered from the last session with that massive brute.

After shutting off the light, 7-11 flopped into his mattress, nuzzled into his cool pillow and drifted off to sleep to dreams of sharp teeth and steel eyes.

[shawnflowers]

shawn michaels headcannons <3

gonna get my writing game up 😤 so this is how you and shawn meet (this was an idea i had for a long one shot but i turned it into this instead (if you want a full story i always can do that hehe))

: ̗̀➛ warnings: fluff! hint of smut!

*ahem* so, i’d say this starts with you being a new photographer for the wwf

yknow you’re around the ring, capturing all of the exciting shots but you also dabble in backstage activities and snapping candids of the wrestlers

welllllll shawn spots you in your second week there. you’re walking around backstage with your camera, readjusting the shutter speed and the exposure levels you would need once you head out to the ring. you hardly notice anyone blatantly staring at you as you’re stuck in your own little world.

he’s perhaps a little starstruck

he wonders why he hasn’t seen you around before. because fuck fuck fuck that body of yours is absurd (and you’re also gorgeous)

he happens to spot you with hunter right next to him so he asks him, “who’s she?”

hunter turns to see who he’s talking about, spotting you in the distance as you’re making your way to gorilla. “oh that’s y/n i believe, she’s new. a photographer.”

and that’s all it took before he went sailing over to you, one thing set on his mind. i gotta make her mine

the rest was history as they say

you were completely smitten by him

you saw through his heartbreaker persona almost immediately, instead falling for the man that would hug you from behind and place his chin on top of your head

shawn most certainly would open every door for you, and makes sure to open your car door every time as well

you were really timid when you first started working there — feeling completely out of place with all of these incredible athletes that were also incredibly intimidating. but he was your gateway into a great experience at the company.

once he took you under his wing and introduced you to the rest of his little goon squad, everyone wanted to get to know you better and wanted you to get great pictures of them.

but of course shawn wanted you to get the best photos of him while he was wrestling which wasn’t hard to do because he’s incredibly photogenic

“when I jump off the top rope, can you make sure you’re on my right? I think that’s my good side.”

“every side is your good side, shawn.”

“even my backside?” *smirk*

“especially.”

and i mean, do we even have to talk about the sex? yes

he loves loves loves when you praise him. “no one touches me like you, baby.” “god, shawn, you’re stretching me so good.” “you looked so hot tonight. it took everything in me not to jump you in the ring.”

and in turn, you love love love a little degradation. “you’re my slutty baby girl. isn’t that right?” “look at you, crying those pathetic little tears. i know you can take more.” “does my baby want her release? gonna have to try a little harder than that.”

also. yeah. the camera is definitely involved. sometimes you get pictures of him, but shawn is adamant on taking your photo too. both in cute ways and in incredibly intimate ways. there was almost a mixup of those photos and work photos once

and so on and so forth 😮‍💨

but love is in the air nonetheless. you’re the best thing to happen to each other.

that kinda scared shawn at first ngl. he wanted to make you his yet he wasn’t exactly ready for full commitment. but once he got to know you he realized he never wanted to separate from you again. he couldn’t possibly think of you spending time with another man without getting all sorts of jealous. so, he decided he was yours as much as you were his and that was the best decision he ever made

he broke you out of your shell while you managed to keep him under control. it was the perfect balance

: ̗̀➛ nose boops to you

[dreamy625]

Contrary to popular opinion - ficlet

I wrote something silly

Words: 1381

Content: Little bit of swearing

-----------------------------

“So we’re really going to do this then?”

“We agreed it’s time, didn't we? But we don’t have to, if you’re getting cold feet?”

“No, you’re right. It’s been nearly two years, we can’t keep hiding it. I just worry how they’re going to react.”

“They’re our mates and they love us. Well, sort of. They might be shocked at first, but I think they’ll be okay with it once they get used to the idea. And if they aren’t, well, fuck ‘em!”

“Yeah, fuck ‘em!” echoed Steve, with more resolve than he really felt. 

“Ready?”

Steve nodded and reached out his hand to grasp Phil’s. 

“Here we go then.” With his other hand, Phil pushed open the door to the Rec room and greeted the rest of the band. “Morning, everyone!”

There was a chorus of ‘morning’s and ‘how do’s from the various band members and techs scattered around the room, and an unintelligible grunt from Sav, who hadn’t had enough coffee to form actual words yet, but, engrossed in newspapers and the morning mail, no one looked up. 

“How are we doing this fine day?” he continued, hoping to draw at least some eyes towards them.

Joe looked from the football scores to the window and then to the two guitarists. “It’s raining?”

“Err, that is a fine day in Holland, need the rain to fill up the canals!”

Joe frowned but decided it wasn’t worth questioning the logic of this and just went back to his paper.

Phil steered them in a circuitous route around the room, stopping to greet Rick.

“Morning lads.” The drummer looked up. “Nice shirt, Steve.”

“Thanks, it’s new.”

Impatient, Phil prompted, “Notice anything else?”

Rick squinted at the two of them. “You got your hair cut?” he hazarded.

“Oh never mind.” Phil gave up, dragging Steve away to the breakfast buffet.

“The doughnuts are good today!” Rick called after them.

“It’s not working,” puzzled Phil as they busied themselves pouring tea and choosing pastries, “maybe we’re being too subtle?”

“I’ve got an idea…”

Steve started rattling crockery until at least a few of the people scattered around the room looked vaguely in their direction, and then pounced on the other man with what looked like it was going to be a giant sloppy kiss, but ended up more of an awkward peck with their noses bumping. Other than Sav rolling his eyes, there was no reaction. When Phil blinked and recovered from the inept surprise attack, Steve’s expression was a pained cringe. Phil grabbed his shoulder and almost pushed him out of the door into the corridor and away from the audience.

“What was that? Even I didn’t believe that!” 

“I know, sorry, I got nervous at the last second.”

“Well it was a good thought, but no one batted an eyelid. At this rate we're going to have to screw on the mixing desk before anyone notices anything.” 

“That seems a bit extreme. Not to mention uncomfortable.”

“So we need a different approach. Something a bit more obvious.” 

“How about we start referring to each other as boyfriends?” 

“That might work. And we could call each other darling?”

“But we don't even do that in private?” 

“Well I can't call you my actual name for you now can I, Bunny?”

“No, please no.”

“See, that’s why it suits you so well, because you’re so cute.” He reached up and booped the blushing man’s nose.

“Shuddup,” Steve muttered, but he couldn’t hide a pleased little smile.

-----------------------------

Back in the lounge, Sav turned to Joe with an observation. “Is it just me, or are those two even weirder than usual today?”

“The snogging you mean?”

“No, they’re always doing that. The muttering in corners. I think they’re up to something.”

“Plotting more of their shenanigans probably. Remember the day they spoke in Spanish accents?”

“And that time they tried to do everything backwards and Steve fell down the stairs; and when they pretended to be each other for an entire week.”

Joe shuddered. “The sight of Phil trying to fit in Steve’s jeans will haunt me for life!”

-----------------------------

During lunch Phil asked for ‘water, for my boyfriend’, ‘ketchup, for my boyfriend’, ‘extra napkins, for my BOYFRIEND’ and so many other things that the exasperated waitress eventually just brought him a tray of condiments and cutlery, and on the journey back to the studio, Steve sat on Phil’s lap, even though there were enough seats for everyone. But still no one commented, or even acted like their behaviour was the least bit unusual. That evening, back in the room that was ostensibly Phil’s, though in fact they shared it, they reconsidered their strategy.

“There’s nothing else for it, we're going to have to actually tell people.”

“You do it, you’re better at words.”

“But you’ve known them longer.”

“That’s why they’ll be shocked. But everyone knows you’ll shag anything with a pulse, so they won’t be that surprised you’re shagging me!”

“Cheeky!” exclaimed Phil with mock offence, poking him in the ribs. Then he turned serious. “You know it’s not just that, right?”

“I know. I don’t understand why you’d pick me, but you did, so…” He shrugged.

“You are ridiculous.” Phil threw an arm round the other man’s shoulders, pulling him close and kissing him on the forehead. “I love you, you pillock. And tomorrow we’ll tell everyone and then I won’t have to pretend not to any more.”

“That’ll be nice,” murmured Steve, settling into his embrace. 

-----------------------------

The time they chose for the big announcement was the end of the day when everyone, Mutt included, was hanging around the studio listening to the tracks they’d put down that day. They’d been twitchy about it all day, but the somewhat anticlimactic response to Phil’s stammered ‘Me and Steve, we’re… well… we’re together’ was neither the outrage and derision they’d feared, nor the happiness and congratulations they’d hoped for. It was laughter.

“See, I told you they were up to something,” crowed Sav.

“Gotta give it to you, lads, this is real commitment to the bit,” added Mutt.

“No, really,” protested Phil, “we are a couple. Partners, boyfriends…”

“We’re in love,” declared Steve, flushing pink. 

“Nah, you’re pulling my leg.”

Phil resorted to desperate measures, grabbing Steve round the neck and giving him a passionate kiss, squeezing his arse for added effect. 

“Would we do that if we weren't a couple?"

Joe and Sav looked at each other and nodded. “Yes?”

“Definitely,” confirmed Rick.

“You've always done that.”

“Well we've ALWAYS been a couple!” insisted Steve.

That revelation finally shocked everyone into considering it seriously.

“What do you mean always?”

“Err, since we were rehearsing for the Pyro tour. All that time together working out guitar parts. We sort of… grew on each other.”

“Then there was a bottle of Jack Daniels and a hotel room with a really big bathtub…”

“Phil! They do not need to know that!” He looked around the control room. “How did you never even suspect? Sav, you’ve stayed at our flat in Paris - didn't you wonder why we’ve only got one bedroom? And Mutt, you noticed our matching necklaces. And everyone always comments that we spend all our time together.” 

Rick shrugged. “We just thought you were best mates; like Joe and Sav, they're always together.”

“Hmm, maybe there's something they need to tell us too?” mused Phil.

“FUCK NO!” Joe and Sav hollered in unison, leaping six feet apart.

“No offence, mate.”

“None taken. You’re a fine figure of a man, but you’re not my type.”

Joe decided not to think about whether he was flattered by that remark and turned back to the newly-revealed couple. “You’re serious about this?”

“Totally…”

“Like a heart attack.”

“Then congratulations are in order.” Sav stepped forward and gave them both a back-slapping hug. “We should go get drinks to celebrate!”

Joe still looked a little concerned. “Are you gonna be doing that… smoochy stuff… all the time now then?”

“Maybe,” stated Phil defiantly.

“That might take a bit of getting used to, but, okay. Happy for you, mates.”

“Do we have to start playing disco now?” quipped Rick.

“We’re not GAY,” snorted Steve.

“We’re not?” Phil lifted their still-clasped hands.

“All right, we’re a bit gay. But we’re not that gay.”