AFRAID | HAIKYUU FILO SMAU
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#17 can't compare
– note that this is on the same day as the ig posts in the prev chapter!
– written portion below is quite suggestive but nothing explicit
– added an extra chapter in continuation which is purely smut and didn't add tags. im sorta testing the waters with smut works. minors dni with that one.
taglist | anitwt
@mirakeul @erinoikawa @haji-bby @seijohoe @szeonn @banananaa4 @stffychn @vvvselfindulgence @devilgirlcrybabiey @knmsapplepi @duhsies @littlemochi @mikeystomanjacket @lady-tokugawa-of-mikawa @bakugouswh0r3 @aizameow
a gust of wind blows against your face and you let out an exasperated sigh, head falling forward and a sob escaping your lips. your head is spinning from the alcohol and mostly from the amount of emotions you’re feeling all at once. you find that, like always, you’re more sensitive when you’ve had a drink or two, but it’s something you don’t want iwaizumi to know. which is why when you hear frantic footsteps and his voice faintly calling out your name in the distance, you rush to wipe your tears with the back of your hand. he seizes your wrist faster than you anticipated him to arrive right in front of you and implores you to look at him.
“ba’t ka umiiyak?” he whispers, voice soft and strained at the same time. you can’t help but lift your eyes to meet his and you take in his knitted brows and concerned gaze. it only sets your emotions off even more. iwaizumi swiftly wraps his arms around your trembling shoulders and pulls you to his chest, chin resting atop your head as he hushes you soothingly. “do you want to go somewhere quieter, do you want to leave?” he asks, pushing the hair off your face.
“ba’t ka umiiyak?” he whispers, voice soft and strained at the same time. you can’t help but lift your eyes to meet his and you take in his knitted brows and concerned gaze. it only sets your emotions off even more. iwaizumi swiftly wraps his arms around your trembling shoulders and pulls you to his chest, chin resting atop your head as he hushes you soothingly. “do you want to go somewhere quieter, do you want to leave?” he asks, pushing the hair off your face.
“ayoko sa’yo,” you mumble, stubbornly pushing him away as if you didn’t just relish in the feeling of being in his arms mere seconds ago.
“ano ba ginawa ko, okay naman tayo kanina?”
you frown at him, annoyed. you want to cuss him out and kick him on the shin for being stupidly oblivious, but the words caught in your throat. why were you crying? you wanted to tell him because it felt too real; the supposedly harmless flirting despite you being at each other’s throats most of the time, the sarcastic good mornings and good nights pretending to be an unbearable high school couple, the spontaneous breakfast dates when he picks you up and you both end up being late, the lingering glances between training breaks when you go to hand him a cold bottle of water you so “happened” to pick up while you were buying one for your friend, the sneaking out of class and meeting each other for cigarettes and gossip. it felt—it feels to real to you and you’re afraid you’re nothing more than a distraction to him. but nothing comes out of your mouth, so you opt to turn on your heel and go back inside.
he catches your wrist again and drags you all the way to the parking lot, ignoring your whines and protests. he’s now just as annoyed as you because he could have sworn, he saw something in your eyes. like you were about to tell him something he is desperate to hear—what it is exactly he can’t quite put a finger on it himself. he needs to hear it from you.
“hajime, quit fucking around i really don’t want to be around you right now,” you grumble, freeing your hand from his grasp when you reach the empty dimly lit space. you lean against the trunk of his car, crossing your arms over your chest.
“tell me what i did wrong then! fuck—” he frustratedly runs his rough hands over his face, turning away from you. he feels his heartstrings tug and he hates it; he hates arguing like you for real, and hates seeing you cry, and hates hearing you say his name like that.
“tanga ka ba o bobo? o both? i mean—i knew you didn’t like me, but you didn’t have to put it that way!”
“what?”
“you didn’t have to tell me i can’t compare to someone like her. i know that already couldn’t you just—”
“ikaw kinulang ka ba ng buwan sa tyan ng nanay mo? i said she can’t compare to you, dumbass.”
he catches you off guard, you stumble on your words for a few moments before arguing back, “same thing, dipshit!”
“no it’s not, i literally meant she means nothing to me and you…” iwaizumi’s eyes finds yours under the glow of the moonlight and stares into them intently, suddenly losing his words. you stare back at him, stunned and wide eyed. no matter how many times you suck in a breath it feels like it doesn’t quite reach your lungs and you find yourself gasping for air, your body trembles from the force of your heart beating against your chest.
you swallow thickly as he closes in the distance between the two of you slowly. “i don’t know what you’re talking about. tooru literally said she’s your ex of 11 months. 11 months, haji! you can’t just not tell me about her, i mean you can of course. buhay mo ‘yan, pero alam mo ‘yon gusto ko rin naman malaman kung anong meron,” you ramble in a panic, avoiding his gaze as he approaches you. you let out a nervous chuckle as you notice his arms leaning against his car on either side of you, effectively trapping you inside. “like ‘di ko kasi alam anong iisipin bigla ka na lang naging masungit sa akin nung binanggit ko siya kanina, akala ko kasi—”
iwaizumi cuts you off as his soft lips meet yours. hands come up to cradle your cheek and squeeze at your waist as he pulls you impossibly close. you’re startled for a moment, but you instantly melt into his touch and find your lips move in sync with his.
he smiles against your lips smugly, “so that’s how i shut you up,” he teases.
“fuck off,” you mutter before connecting your lips again eagerly, arms wrapping around his neck and hands tangling themselves into his hair.
edit from after i posted ch 22: tumblr fucked up the paragraphs but i didn't change anything i still have the orig docu ;)
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i never thought of shipping y/n with seungmin but when you mentioned it last ask, a part of me subconsciously gets flustered 👁️👄👁️ hahahahhahaha kaw talaga may kapakan ng lahat, charot. scratch what i said, im shipping y/n with everyone. ill just support whoever seems to be winning the race :">
"you knew what you wanted, and Hyunjin wasn’t a part of it." 👀🤭
hala ang gago AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA omg umaasa na seungmin niyo uWu btw this was the part where y/n debated on telling seungmin about lias situation or not but proceeded to do the latter and told a lie about seungmin looking good. seungmin does look good tho 😠 he s smoother than my face, i want to cry. and wtf pasimple pa siya, “Not like anyone’s gonna see us enter at this hour.” -> oke beh 🕳️🚶
hahaha yes minho get your girl. yuhss omggg minho, we kenat let seungmin win 😠 bruh i actually dont know why i keep on denying on wanting to ship seungmin and y/n when i secretly want more cute scenes of them together ahhahaa yess minho you go girl ! YESS FELIX HELP AND BE CLOSER TO Y/N SO THAT THE OTHER 3 WOULD GET JEALOUS AF
OHH WTF THE CLOWN WAS HARLEY QUIN?? LMAO WITH A LOT OF AHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAH 😭😭😭 i still dont understand the 2nd-4th emojis tho,,,,“You can go have fun upstairs, I’ll be with Seungmin.” felix, my boy, mustve been heartbroken as fuck . <- colored red bc im serious xd
aaaaaa hyunjin, its ur time to shine pare 🤩 haha changbin, saksakin niyo na lang ako. the confrontation ive been waiting to happen for like 3 chapters (??) was finally going to take place but nO :<
“Uhhh.. I didn’t have anyone to hang out with.”
1. 👁️👁️👁️👄👁️👁️👁️
2. 🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🚶🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️
3. 👼
he had good intentions, not in hyunjins perspective though :< idk but if i was y/n, id have long forgotten the main problem. i MEAN srsly with a seungmin looking like that in front of you? im not exchanging that for anything. EHALOJ, featuring THE lee heeseung 😎 hahaha seungmin:"> srsly tho, if seungmin has been chosen to be endgame all this time, i regret focusing on lee know and hwang hyunjin. felix, its fine, you ll get an smau soon <3 HONEST CONFESSION: i want seungmin to be endgame lmao (oh yeah i forgot, you havent decided who y/n ends up with, well 1 pt for kim seungmin ig)
omg so many things are happening between them aaaaaaaaaaa yes fix his hair cmon >:( EHALOJ, featuring THE solar 😎 LMAO JEONGIN WON? HES OUT THERE PLAYING NINTENDO 😭 let the child play in peace
omaygad yeji wat da fuuuuqqqqq "That crown is mine." -> another one of those famous queen bee lines 🤩 bruh i still cant hate her character, damn. i keep remembering (INTW- too long, forgot title :">) yeji, shes such a queen there i love her ugh.
"you’ve spent so much time staring into his brother’s that you got used to the stunning effect." YUHSS hyunjin still be out there saving y/ns ass. i hope hyunjins endgame uWu friends (?) 2 enemies (???) 2 presumably a one-sided crush 2 lovers, wut
omg eto na, bardagulan na dis PUCHA THATS WHAT THE 💅 MEANT LMAO pusa ka ate gurl? i thought it was hyunjins time to shine (2) already, but ig chan could do it. bruh r u srsly adding chan to the harem?? omg yuhs our girl y/n be out there collecting boys like pokemons, but unintentionally 😌💅 omg what if, y/n develops a crush on chan but chan be like nO sorry i dont like you SO this would be some kind of love triangle but one corner would be crowded with a bunch of ethereal looking men.
iza prank !!! i think you meant to write this scene platonically lols omg it is my dumbass turnt delusional LMAO anyways, i now know what the emojis were supposed to represent, all of them. YESS tapos na siya :(( idk whether to celebrate or be sad bc its alrdy finished :< OMGGG AAAAA SEUNGMIN AAAAAAAAAA HE SENT A HEART WAT DA FUQ AAAAAAAAAAAAAA HE SAID THEY D DANCE AGAIN AAAAA PLS SEUNGMIN ENDGAME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 hahaha i look like a fool here screaming at my laptop
THIS was the best chapter out of all your works yet ! omg i didnt even feel the 7 and a half k. i dont how long i was reading it but it felt like less than 10 mins, legit. one more chapter left, right? aaaa i ll miss it so much. it did not just NOT disappoint, it was perfection. it felt tense with bits of humorous scenes that made it entertaining to the max level. hyunjins redemption arc prob in the next one? what abt yeji? 🤔 im really really excited for the finale. and yes, justice for president chans screen time 😔💔 and changbin :(
continuation in the next ask, im sorry but it was so long i felt bad for flooding your ask box :<
- bs
“i’ll support whoever is winning the race.” YES BESTIE, that’s how we win in gambling 😍❕and please, i’m here to make everyone flustered with the ships, i will NOT hesitate to pull everyone along and break their hearts 💢.
y/n really almost making seungmin commit vehicular manslaughter with one compliment. we stan 😭♥️. also the 🕳🚶 toOK ME OUT PLS 🤧 seungmin really pulling up with all of his flirting game rn.
yes minho time 😎. you literally have the “i will ship y/n with whoever comes up” vibes rn. o see look it’s felix’s time naman 💀.
felix really heartbroken rn :((( dw sadder stuff coming soon beh.
ALSO HERE’S THE EXPLANATION FOR THE EMOJIS 💀 parang qaqo lang yung hints, i’m so bad at emojis.
1) seungmin dressed handsomely giving y/n one single flimsy flower
2) yeji blocking the door from ryujin and yuna
3) yeji getting caught in 4k
4) chan watching the cctv footage on felix’s laptop
5) the clown mr. yang jeongin wanting to play some mario instead
6) yeji injuring y/n
7) the halloween coronation where everything went down 🤧
the confrontation was just a lil teasey tease mwahhahahaahah.
ALSO WHAT DO THOSE EMOJIS EVEN MEAN. YOU’RE EVEN WORSE THAN ME 💀💀💀
if seungmin looked like that in front of me, i’d forget my name entirely 🤧. also hyunjin is the one with the future smau hidden in the basement 😔💔. the voting pLEASE, i thought you were in everyone’s side 💀. yes, i haven’t decided BUT i have narrowed it down to three choices hmmm 😏😏😏😏 try and guess huh.
so many seungmin x y/n moments this chapter, had to make up for the fact that the student council were all invisible all throughout the fic, justice for their screentime 😔💔
also hyunjin was supposed to win but i thought it would be funnier if it was jeongin 🙈. really pulled up in a clown costume, ran away from all his dates, played video games in a hotel room but STILL won the crown.
dw this will probably be the last fic with antagonist yeji 🤣 i love her too much too. NOW YOU’RE ON HYUNJIN’S SIDE PLEASE.
also who knows if it’s platonic or not hmmm 😏😏😏🤧🤧🤧. if y/n was collecting men as pokemon, who would’ve been her pikachu then 🤔🤔🤔.
YOU’RE BACK TO SEUNGMIN ENDGAME NOW? 💀 parang iba lagi sinusupport kada paragraph pLS.
i’m glad the humour was still there, i really didn’t want to make it feel too dark. i’m still going for the cheery slice of life feels and not really full-on dark academia vibes. :)))) tysm, i love hearing your thoughts and reactions so much so don’t worry about flooding my asks. i’m always waiting for it 👩💻
dw about the screentime, they’ll get their own arcs soon and the other boys will be the one left in the background 🤧 just had a hard time balancing so many characters in one fic omo.
also there’s still three chapter left 😎💢❕chapter 29 is the season wrap up because i wanted season two to start as “chapter 30” medyo perfectionist sa numbers 🤣. the next two chapters are the reactions and then the final one is another written part mehehehehehehee. i’m spoiling ya’lls.
i’m also dropping hints onto the future season arcs oop 🤭
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a compilation | han
Pairing: Han x Reader
Genre: cup of angst, with a dash of fluff
Tags: blurbs, unrequitedlove, ANGsT, floof?
A/N: this is a compliation of han - related blurbs, undeveloped plots, and angst, plus a tiny bit of fluff
let me know if there are any you think I should continue with!
@bunnyhani happy late omg im so sorry birthday, luv!!! you actually make me smile so much, you are a highlight in my life and since none of the scenarios i was trying to make actually really seemed like enough, i just made a few, unfinished, unrelated blurbs, chats, random han related thoughts and compiled them for you ~
01. build me a bridge of rose petals
unrequitedlove!reader
“This isn’t something I can just get over,” I mumbled quietly into the phone. My best friend sighed in response, thoroughly annoyed with hearing of me and my failures at romance.
“Look, y/n,” she hummed, irritation sprayed heavily into her words. “Cry me a fucking river, build a bridge, and get your dumb, absolutely idiotic ass over it. He isn’t worth your time. You’ve been in love with the dick for - how long - like a decade now. And not once has he reciprocated your feelings.”
A sob built in my throat and I bit my lip to keep it from escaping. I’d yell back, if I had the energy. But I didn’t. And she was right, any who. I’d been hopelessly in love with the one, the only, Han Jisung for years, since middle school. And never once had he liked me back. We had been friends for all this time, yes, Jisung and I. We had even gone dancing together a few times.
“Stop dreaming, stop selling yourself short, stop rejecting all these other guys in the hopes he’ll magically like you back because you’re hurting yourself. I can’t stand seeing you like this any longer, y/n. I know I sound like an ass, but you deserve all the happiness in the world and I know you will never in a million years, find that with Jisung.
“Forget him, y/n. Forget him and be happy.”
“... okay,” was all I could manage. Because ultimately, she was right. I had been letting him get in the way of my happiness for far too long. “Talk later.”
And shutting off the phone, I tossed it across the room. Her voice echoed in my mind, “Forget him, y/n. Forget him and be happy.”
It wasn’t that easy, though, I thought to myself. He’s just always there. Han Jisung’s always on my mind. His smile. His voice. His eyes, lord, his eyes. The curve of his lips. The way he looked when he laughed.
A sudden bout of painful coughing rumbled deep through my diaphragm, wracking my whole body with violent bouts of wheezing until I was left gasping for breath. Something pink flew out of my mouth fluttered slowly to the ground. I brought my hand up to my lips to investigate and the sickeningly sweet smell of roses wafted through the room.
My finger tips fell away from my mouth wet. Covered in blood. Another cough shook my body.
Two more rose petals shot past my lips.
02. lotto winner
bestfriend!jisung
“My gosh, __,” Jisung whined, scrolling through his instagram feed for the third time that hour. “What are you doing, wrestling with the zipper? Why do you take so long?”
“Yah, Han Jisung! Trying on clothes isn’t as easy as you think, okay?” you shouted through the changing stall door, still trying to decide whether the outfit looked good on you or not. “Can you look at this outfit and tell me what you think? I don’t know if it fits my body right.”
“Fine,” your companion sighed. “Just hurry, up, okay?” Jisung stared wistfully out the window at the bright blue sky. It was really lovely this afternoon and he had to spend it with you, inside an expensive clothing store looking like it had just come out of tumblr’s aesthetic page, waiting for you to try on clothes.
Jisung subconsciously glanced down at his watch right as you hesitantly exited your changing stall. The edge of the baby blue cropped crew neck ended right above the waistband of the black corduroy skirt and the trim of your skirt fell right a good six inches above your knees. Cradling your arms to your chest, you shot your friend a nervous smile. Frilly and girly wasn’t your usual look, you would have rather worn a pair of boyfriend jeans and one of Jisung’s oversized sweaters.
“What do you think?”
“You look good, now let’s go,” he spoke and not bothering to spare a glance up, he shrugged. You noticed of course.
“Yah! Jisung, you idiot!” you yelled, picking up the closest pair of pants next to you and throwing them directly at the head of your best friend. “You’re supposed to actually look when I ask you to.”
Peeling the pants off his head, Jisung rolled his neck, now more irritated than he was 3 seconds ago. First you waste his time and now you throw a pair of pants at him. What the hell? When would the torture end? He sighed for the nth time that afternoon, gaze finally traveling over your figure. And all irritation drained out of him like it was nothing.
The second his eyes fell over your shy smile and flushed cheeks, all he could think of was damn. You looked good. The miniskirt complimented your curves and accentuated the length of your legs. Baby blue against black wouldn’t have been his first choice, but the innocent way you looked up at him erased all color complaints he had.
Whatever guy started ended up stealing your heart would be one damn lotto winner.
Coming back to himself, Jisung scoffed, immediately looking away from you. A pretty pink flush tickled the apples of his cheeks.
“W-what?” you stuttered, looking down at yourself nervously. “It doesn’t look good, does it? Oh my- I should have known better. It’s the color combination, right? I knew I should have picked pink or something-”
Jisung snorted, pushing himself up to flick you in the forehead. Stunned, the speech spilling from your tongue like word vomit halted and you looked at him.
“Oh my God, __. First things first, I didn’t need to look at you because I know you look fine in anything you pick. Secondly, now that I finally looked at you, I just realized that I shouldn’t have because now I’m disappointed. You don’t look as pretty as I was envisioning you.”
“Shut up, dumbass!” All prior unease forgotten, you smacked him in the shoulder. “Another comment like that and I won’t buy you food.”
“Okay, jeez,” he snickered, rubbing the spot you hit him. “You do look pretty, though.”
“Yeah, right.” You called, flouncing back into the changing stall with a pout. “You just want food.”
“Believe what you want to,” Jisung sang back, settling back down onto the couch outside the stall, all thoughts of you and just how good you looked erased. “I could always leave you here.”
Within seconds, you were out of the stall, completely changed and the slightest bit pink in the face. Jisung bit back a laugh. If there was anything you hated more than the thought of being with him (romantically), it was the thought of being without Jisung.
03. best friends v. break ups
text convo
j*s.~.ng: I've never felt more exhausted…
j*s.~.ng: normally I wouldn't publicize this
j*s.~.ng: but my heart hurts. So. Much
j*s.~.ng: can I call you?
j*s.~.ng: ahit nvm.
j*s.~.ng: i forgot you're on a blind date….
j*s.~.ng: forget everything and ples enjoy :)))
y/n: *5 seconds later* hey you okay?
j*s.~.ng: all good ☺
y/n: don't hide behind emojis I know you better than that
j*s.~.ng: but you're on a date
j*s.~.ng: what are you doing texting me
y/n: he kinda already left because you kept texting
j*s.~.ng: shit.
j*s.~.ng: I'm so sorry.
y/n: don't be. He was a control freak
j*s.~.ng: are you sure I'm not interrupting something?
y/n: absolutely, chill
j*s.~.ng: can...you pick me up?
y/n: already in my car. Where you at?
04. silently
unrequited!reader
It was all too soon when I got that feeling again. You know… that feeling.
That feeling, the one you get where your heart, slowly breaking, drops without hesitation into the depths of your stomach and begins to churn, boiling up a brew with the irritating emotions called heartbreak, loneliness, and hurt. The stench of the horrific brew rises and rises and continues to rise in your stomach, building up pressure in your lungs and making it hard to breathe properly. It eventually makes its way to your eyes, odor building tears up… and then there’s really nothing you can do to keep them from falling.
You know… that feeling.
I’ve loved the same boy since I was eleven years old. For a portion, a small one mind you, of that time, I was told he liked me back. Of course, that was merely a miniscule section of that time, the rest of the time, we decided to grow up, only when I grew up, I was left with the same feelings I’d had for him all those years ago. It killed me.
And it was only natural that he wasn’t.
We’d both had a couple flings with other people tossed in there… but my mind was constantly on him and his... wasn’t. His eyes, his lips, his arms, his laugh, his smile. I loved him. And nothing was ever going to happen between us. Because of his lack of self confidence, he always looked for affirmation in month long relationships, only to break it off, then find someone else over the course of the next week.
Did it hurt? Yeah. Of course it hurt. Fuck, it burned like shit. But what could I do?
I’d talk it out with close friends, my mom. It wouldn’t solve anything though. I was still left with that same heartache, the same slow, numbing pain.
There were those instances I wouldn’t see him for a while and those overpowering feelings would subside into a a low, near non existent hum. It would be those periods of time that would hurt the most, yet also be the most peaceful. During those hours, days, weeks… I would find myself missing him, his hugs, his smile… but I would also find solace in those moments of not having to worry about him, how he was doing, what I’d wear when I saw him next...
But through all those times, through all those years… it had never hurt this much. He’d already had so many girlfriends before and his yearning, his unquenching desire for constant affirmation seemed never to be satisfied, so he dropped one and moved on again.
When he and I made eye contact from the ends of the hall ways, a bright smile overtook my lips like it always did. This time though, it wasn’t because he was wearing a pair of slim cut denim jeans with a white form-fitting button down and a black suit jacket and looking the most attractive I’d seen him in a while, it was because I had decided to finally come in terms with my feelings. I loved him and appreciated him as a person, a friend... and a boy.
He approached me with a playful smile, the brightness of his expression challenging the setting sun.
But was we made our way into the room, sat down beside each other like regular, and began to talk, the conversation took a turn, one that really wasn’t in favor of my mood.
He brought up his newest girlfriend.
It wasn’t like I was angry at him for having a girlfriend, I was just a good friend, nothing more than that to him. He wasn’t mine. He was his own person.
“So..” I hummed, trying to keep the conversation light, though really it’s not like anyone would have noticed my sudden shift in mood. I mean, we’re talking about me for goodness sake. I threw shade for fun and if I was hurt, it’d always be masked by my overpowering sarcasm. One sudden mood shift wouldn’t stand out, after all, I’d had enough practice hiding my true feelings from an unfortunate many times before. “She’s pretty?”
“Oh, exponentially more so,” he hummed, a radiant, beautiful smile decorating his lips as his mind drifted off once more to his gorgeous girlfriend. I never got that smile. That special, heart breaking smile was only reserved for the best, the prettiest and that was not me. “She’s... everything I didn’t realize I wanted in someone...”
He continued on, speaking of her eyes and how they glittered with this special something every time he saw her. Had my eyes ever looked like that to him?
He brought up her hair, how soft it felt when he ran his fingers through it, how it always seemed to fall perfectly. My hair... I reached up subconsciously to touch it. Was it soft? Did it ever look effortlessly beautiful like that?
His eyes glowed when he redirected his description of her to her smile. He said it was perfect, the way it shaped her eyes into pretty little crescent moons, and that when they were together, it seemed her lips were curved into nothing but. I frowned. He never noticed - wait no, of course he didn’t. Why would he notice my smile when his mind was solely on hers?
I brought my knees up to my chest, the familiar feeling of self pity slowly consuming me. I could no longer concentrate on trying to be a supportive friend while my heart was breaking like this.
I choked back a silent sob. He continued speaking, eyes glazed over in adoration of his girlfriend. My eyes burned, tears welling up at the corners. He chuckled, laughing about something she reminded him of. I reached up, wiping away my unshed tears. He smiled down at his fingers, moving them, savoring the feeling of the ghosts of her fingertips.
He didn’t notice anything. He never did.
A sad, somewhat pessimistic thought entered my mind. Was it because I wasn’t pretty? Would he notice the more minuscule things about me if I was pretty? Would he ask if I was okay if I was pretty?
Would I mean anything more to him... if I was pretty?
Forcing down my tears, I sighed, smacking a easy-going smile back onto my lips. Who cared if it looked fake. It’s not like he would have noticed anyways.
05. you, me, & the moonlight
roommate!au
“Hey...” I hummed, looking up briefly from my computer screen to Han Jisung, my best guy friend, roommate, and unbelievably cliche forever crush. The dim light from the yellow street lights outside mixed together with the lazy, past 10 pm atmosphere in the room. My feet lay on his lap, his laptop perched on my shins. At the sound of his name, he turned to meet my gaze, the slight dimple in his cheek sending my heart into an unauthorized gymnastics routine. He dislodged one earbud from his ear.
“Yeah?”
“What on your schedule tomorrow?” My eyes dropped down to the half-written essay on my laptop screen to avoid a blush from appearing on my cheeks. “I wanna do something.”
He yawned, stretching his arms above his head, t-shirt riding up on his stomach to reveal a sliver of the smooth planes of his taut muscles. Dammit, Han Jisung, cover yourself better.
“Hmm… There’s a morning practice tomorrow from 5:15 to 7, and then I have classes from 8 to 12. Afternoon practice is 2 to 3:30… I also have a study session later tomorrow, like around 4-ish, but it shouldn’t last longer than a couple hours. So we can either do something during lunch or pull an all-nighter doing whatever. Your choice.” He shut his laptop and placed it on the coffee table, the kitchen lights making his chlorine-bleached hair glow golden.
“Well tomorrow’s Friday. I’m most likely going to be asleep during lunch, and I don’t have anything on Saturday until after lunch so I’m game for the all-nighter.” I shut my laptop and placed it on the coffee table as well, rearranging myself so that my head rested on his shoulder. “But if you have morning practice, you should probably go to sleep soon.”
“Alright mom, geez.”
He scoffed in faux offense, laying his head atop mine on instinct.
And, the mere movement sent my heart beating about fifteen times faster than it was supposed to be.
06. your sensitive side
idolfriend!jisung
“Why are you sitting so far away?” Jisung stared at me, a confused look on his angelic features. For once, I wasn’t cuddled into his side. For once, I decided to sit on the very opposite side of the couch, curled up with my favorite penguin plush, Snoogly Woogly. A childish frown marred my usually gentle features.
“Why does it matter?” I spat out, clutching Snoogly Woogly tighter.
“Because you’re obviously bothered and in need of a hug,” he said quite matter-of-factly. I buried my face in Snoogly Woogly and groaned loudly, trying to smother the butterflies in my stomach with annoyance. He just smiled, put down his pineapple pizza and crawled over to my side of the couch. Soon enough, Snoogly Woogly was pulled out of my arms and her plush body was replaced with his firm, warm one. He picked me up, cradling me on his lap.
“Hey!!! You’re on my side of the couch, you big dumb dumb!” Instinctively, my arms wound around his lithe, idol body. I could feel him smile into my shoulder as he hugged me closer til we were pressed flush against each other.
“Oh please. If only you could feel how tight you’re hugging me right now.”
“Only because I don’t want to fall, you fucking sequoia tree!” I growled into his chest. “You’re still on my side, though.”
“Fine.” With that, Jisung picked me up as he stood and walked back to his side of the couch. Sitting back down, with me on his lap, he gave me a pointed look. “Is this better?”
A blush raged across my face. Why did he have to be so… obnoxiously strong and sensitive? I had been living with him for how long and still haven’t found enough flaws to stop liking him.
The night went on. We had just finished our third movie, second box of fried chicken and first box of pizza, and he still hadn’t let go of me. Then again, he was asleep now and he usually went to hug things in his sleep. Pushing off his drowsy form carefully, I peered at the clock on the microwave. 2:54 am.
Slipping out of his loosening grasp, I cleaned the coffee table off. Out went the trash, into the fridge went the pizza. Approaching the couch once more, the cracks of my broken heart softened as my eyes ran over his sleeping figure. I pulled off his glasses gently and set them down by the charging ports in the dining room. He shifted in his sleep, better revealing his soft features.
My hand stretched forward subconsciously to brush the hair from out of his face but I stopped myself. No... I shouldn’t. I turned to head back into the kitchen. Where the fuck was the melatonin..? But as if the whole universe was pitted against me, one of the legs on the coffee table somehow magically placed itself inconveniently in front of my foot.
Before I could stop myself, a whisper-shouted fuck surged past my lips. At the sound of my profanity, his eyes cracked open.
“Hey… shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Though his words were mumbled almost incoherently, his deep brown eyes gazed up at me, awaiting an answer.
“Oh- well yea-” before I could finish my sentence, he reached forward and placed a finger to my lips. Once that effectively silenced me, he sat up and wrapped his arms around my smaller body for the second time tonight, pulling me to the relaxed pace of his heart. For a moment, I lay there stiffly. Though this was no new position to me, my mind raced with doubts. The recent pain in my chest was getting worse, making it harder to think, function, and act normal around him. What had I let myself get pulled into? More importantly, what had I let my heart get roped into all those years ago?
As if sensing my unease, he cracked one eye open, ran a hand through my semi-tangled tresses and rested his lips against my forehead.
“Then sleep.”
07. even death would be kinder
arrangedmarriage!au
“Oh __, my darling girl, how you’ve grown!” I grinned weakly, doing my best to enthusiastically return Mrs. Han’s hug. The woman was like my second mother. I had known her since I was in primary school and I absolutely adored her. Her son on the other hand…
“Han Jisung, come here and say hello!” Mrs. Han called out to her son. I steeled myself for the shock of seeing how the now unfamiliar young man approaching us had changed.
“Hi, __.”
The first thing that came to my mind was ‘hot DANG. his voice got deeper.’
Seulgi bowed quickly before shooting me an apprehensive look and taking her leave.
Taking a deep breath and a quick mental check, I looked up and extended my hand out to shake his hand in greeting. Upon looking up though, I could feel my hand fall slack in disbelief.
The young awkward boy I had fallen in and out if love with during my teen years had now been replaced with a suave, smooth young man. His smile came easily, lips stretched to reveal his bright teeth. His chubby, babyish face had slimmed down significantly over the years. His chiseled jawline and crescent eyes accommodated the handsome face he now sported well. But his eyes… the playful, mischievous brown eyes of his had not changed at all in the years that had passed.
Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I quickly shook his hand, slapping a professional smile on my mouth.
“Pleasure to see you again, Mr. Han. It's been too long.”
His smile faltered and the happy curve if his beautiful eyes vanished. Nonetheless, he shook my hand firmly and nodded, the smile, albeit a tad uncomfortable, still remaining.
“It has.”
Quickly releasing his hand, I stepped back. An uncomfortable silence shrouded us until Mrs. Han cleared her throat.
“Why the long faces, you two? You were the best of friends years ago,” turning to her son, she reached up to pinch his cheek. “Why, I recall you telling me she was the only girl you could be completely comfortable around.”
The handsome male across from me stiffened.
“That’s because she’s like a sister to me mom,” he said, smiling thinly. I pursed my lips, clutching the clipboard in my hands a tad bit tighter. Yes. That was all I was. Nothing but a ‘sister’.
“Oh pish posh,” Mrs. Han scoffed, waving her hand through the air as if it were nothing. “You’re acting as if she’s nothing but a stranger right now.”
Jisung rolled his eyes.
“Mother, we haven’t seen each other in ages.”
“Ages, my foot.” She slapped her son’s arm. “Now you two, stop acting like children. It’s time we had lunch.”
08. how much you care
domesticfriendship!au
“Guess what today is?” I asked, bouncing on the tip of my toes. Literally. Because I was wearing high heels. And one does not simply bounce on their whole feet with high heels.
“Your birthday,” Jisung spoke, returning my smile with an equally casual one.
“Yeup!” He had remembered! Excitement hung around me as I hummed giddly in response. I had finally gotten my feelings in order and realized how much he meant to me. It wasn't just my birthday. Perhaps now maybe I could mean something more to someone.
The lesson went by quickly and before I knew it, so had the majority of the night. Soon enough, it was just the two of us left in the room. While half of me knew he would soon be walking out of those doors like the rest of the students, half of me prayed desperately for him to stay.
“Can I show you something?” He asked suddenly, gesturing to the computer. Giving my consent, he searched and pulled a video up. And for the next minute and a half, I watched flashes of meme-filled images singing a horrid, remixed happy birthday song.
“Wow,” I chuckled in disbelief. His boyish laugh sounded in harmony. “I don't know what I expected but that definitely wasn't it.”
“Well I mean, I'm broke so I couldn't have got you anything,” he snorted incredulously.
“That's is true.”
I took a good long moment to appreciate his features. His smile. He was extremely attractive and I knew that. I knew that from the moment I first saw him in 4th grade. But did I ever do anything about it? No.
All of a sudden, I didn't know what to say. Conversations had never been awkward between us but for some reason, at this moment in time, my heart began to beat faster, my cheeks began to color. A feeling of dread filled my stomach. Oh no. Was I... falling for one of my close male friends??
Before the moment could get any more awkward, the sound of a vibration alerted the both of us to his phone and, pulling it out, the smile dropped from his face. An apologetic smile covered his lips and he pocketed the device once more.
“Aight, my dad is here,” Jisung sighed, gesturing to the door. “I gotta head out.”
Disappointment coiled in my stomach when he turned towards the door, exiting without a second glance. I stood there, staring at his receding figure, confused at why I was feeling the way I was. I didn’t know what I had been hoping for, but it certainly wasn’t for him to leave like that.
Something in my body pulled me forwards, nearly tripping me over my own feet as I chased after him.
“Wait! Jisung!” I called breathlessly from the doorway. “No birthday hug or anything?? I’m offended.”
The boy turned, teasing smile playing at his lips. He paused in his step, rolling his eyes. The boyish quirk in his smile sent my heart hurtling over the edge into the chasm of having a crush at what seemed like a thousand miles per hour.
“Fine,” he spoke, grin more than obvious in his voice. He continued towards me, hands shoved sheepishly into his hoodie pocket.
“No, nevermind,” I scoffed playfully, turned back around, crossing my arms in faux offense. “I don’t need your hugs. Even though it is my birthday.”
“Come on, y/n,” Jisung hummed, his soft, velvety voice sounding right by my ear. “Don’t be like that.”
All of a sudden, a pair of warm, strong, lithe, familiar arms snuck around my waist pulling me firmly against the built frame of my best friend. The scent of his fabric softener and body wash overwhelmed my senses until all I could feel was him and home. He bent down, resting his cheek against the top of my head.
A fiery blush burned over my cheeks.
“Jisung-” I whispered, turning around in his arms. But that was all I could say before he pulled me into his chest once more, cradling my head into his comforting body heat. The sound of his melodic, hypnotizing heartbeat flowed through my ears, falling into a comfortable pace with mine.
“Happy birthday, y/n.”
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