#THE OTHERS ALL HAVE STRESS LEVELS BELOW 50 WHAT IS HAPPENING

[kriegborderlands-moved]

dude this game is bullying my plague doctor

[drdemonprince]

The data does not support the assumption that all burned out people can “recover.” And when we fully appreciate what burnout signals in the body, and where it comes from on a social, economic, and psychological level, it should become clear to us that there’s nothing beneficial in returning to an unsustainable status quo. 

The term “burned out” is sometimes used to simply mean “stressed” or “tired,” and many organizations benefit from framing the condition in such light terms. Short-term, casual burnout (like you might get after one particularly stressful work deadline, or following final exams) has a positive prognosis: within three months of enjoying a reduced workload and increased time for rest and leisure, 80% of mildly burned-out workers are able to make a full return to their jobs. 

But there’s a lot of unanswered questions lurking behind this happy statistic. For instance, how many workers in this economy actually have the ability to take three months off work to focus on burnout recovery? What happens if a mildly burnt-out person does not get that rest, and has to keep toiling away as more deadlines pile up? And what is the point of returning to work if the job is going to remain as grueling and uncontrollable as it was when it first burned the worker out? 

Burnout that is not treated swiftly can become far more severe. Clinical psychologist and burnout expert Arno van Dam writes that when left unattended (or forcibly pushed through), mild burnout can metastasize into clinical burnout, which the International Classification of Diseases defines as feelings of energy depletion, increased mental distance, and a reduced sense of personal agency. Clinically burned-out people are not only tired, they also feel detached from other people and no longer in control of their lives, in other words.

Unfortunately, clinical burnout has quite a dismal trajectory. Multiple studies by van Dam and others have found that clinical burnout sufferers may require a year or more of rest following treatment before they can feel better, and that some of burnout’s lingering effects don’t go away easily, if at all. 

In one study conducted by Anita Eskildsen, for example, burnout sufferers continued to show memory and processing speed declines one year after burnout. Their cognitive processing skills improved slightly since seeking treatment, but the experience of having been burnt out had still left them operating significantly below their non-burned-out peers or their prior self, with no signs of bouncing back. 

It took two years for subjects in one of van Dam’s studies to return to “normal” levels of involvement and competence at work. following an incident of clinical burnout. However, even after a multi-year recovery period they still performed worse than the non-burned-out control group on a cognitive task designed to test their planning and preparation abilities. Though they no longer qualified as clinically burned out, former burnout sufferers still reported greater exhaustion, fatigue, depression, and distress than controls.

In his review of the scientific literature, van Dam reports that anywhere from 25% to 50% of clinical burnout sufferers do not make a full recovery even four years after their illness. Studies generally find that burnout sufferers make most of their mental and physical health gains in the first year after treatment, but continue to underperform on neuropsychological tests for many years afterward, compared to control subjects who were never burned out. 

People who have experienced burnout report worse memories, slower reaction times, less attentiveness, lower motivation, greater exhaustion, reduced work capability, and more negative health symptoms, long after their period of overwork has stopped. It’s as if burnout sufferers have fallen off their previous life trajectory, and cannot ever climb fully back up. 

And that’s just among the people who receive some kind of treatment for their burnout and have the opportunity to rest. I found one study that followed burned-out teachers for seven years and reported over 14% of them remained highly burnt-out the entire time. These teachers continued feeling depersonalized, emotionally drained, ineffective, dizzy, sick to their stomachs, and desperate to leave their jobs for the better part of a decade. But they kept working in spite of it (or more likely, from a lack of other options), lowering their odds of ever healing all the while. 

Van Dam observes that clinical burnout patients tend to suffer from an excess of perseverance, rather than the opposite: “Patients with clinical burnout…report that they ignored stress symptoms for several years,” he writes. “Living a stressful life was a normal condition for them. Some were not even aware of the stressfulness of their lives, until they collapsed.”

Instead of seeking help for workplace problems or reducing their workload, as most people do, clinical burnout sufferers typically push themselves through unpleasant circumstances and avoid asking for help. They’re also less likely to give up when placed under frustrating circumstances, instead throttling the gas in hopes that their problems can be fixed with extra effort. They become hyperactive, unable to rest or enjoy holidays, their bodies wired to treat work as the solution to every problem. It is only after living at this unrelenting pace for years that they tumble into severe burnout. 

Among both masked Autistics and overworked employees, the people most likely to reach catastrophic, body-breaking levels of burnout are the people most primed to ignore their own physical boundaries for as long as possible. Clinical burnout sufferers work far past the point that virtually anyone else would ask for help, take a break, or stop caring about their work.

And when viewed from this perspective, we can see burnout as the saving grace of the compulsive workaholic — and the path to liberation for the masked disabled person who has nearly killed themselves trying to pass as a diligent worker bee. 

I wrote about the latest data on burnout "recovery," and the similarities and differences between Autistic burnout and conventional clinical burnout. The full piece is free to read or have narrated to you in the Substack app at drdevonprice.substack.com

[2nerd4this]

Rating jobs I've done at an Elementary School in the last 2 years but it progressively gets more unhinged

1-on-1 aid to a Kindergartner: 6/10 I worked with two different students last year and they were both really amazing, but I was severely underpaid and overworked (learned later I was legally obligated to a 15 minute break every day... that did not happen).

Classroom aid in 3rd Grade: 10/10 I loved, loved, loved the teacher I worked with, and it was such a welcome break in my day.

Social Work Intern: 9/10 What I'm doing currently. My supervisors are all really amazing and I'm learning a lot but it can be anxiety inducing

Substitute 1-on-1 aid: -1000/10 Imagine you show up one day to an Elementary school and they tell you that you are responsible for a high-needs kid, but don't tell you his name, schedule, teachers name, accommodations... and he's non-communicative. That only happened once but other similar experiences were also not enjoyable

Substitute Classroom Aid: 8/10 Honestly I do very little in this position, beyond keeping an eye on a few kids and working with small groups on projects and stuff. Lots of fun and not stressful, but honestly a bit boring

Susbstitute Gen Ed Teacher: 4/10 All over the place in quality of the experience and completely dependent on the room I am in (especially grade level). I am not assertive enough for the older kids, but the younger ones are alright

Substitute Resource Teacher: 9/10 I love working in small groups, and making those kids excited about what we are learning.

Substitute Early Childhood Intervention Teacher: 100/10 There's a maximum Student-Teacher ratio of 2:1 in each room, and the kids all have high needs, so I get to know them really well in a short amount of time. They are the cutest human beings on the planet

Breakfast Supervisor: 8/10 I had to get to work 20 minutes earlier but I got to spend the morning inside instead of on the playground and the cafeteria cooks were all so nice

Recess Monitor: 6/10 Lots of fun usually, but the weather was miserable. I was out there for 90+ minutes every day, sometimes by myself, often with 50+ students

Impromptu IT Assistant: 9/10 The cafeteria workers and Kindergarten teachers quickly learned that I was mildly adept in technology (I knew to turn it off and back on again) so I would be pulled from classrooms to come fix computers randomly throughout the day

Emergency Animal Handler: 15/10 Bird with a broken wing on the playground? Yeah I'll move it so the kids don't kill it. Bunnies created a nest below the slide? Yeah I'll create a barricade so the kids don't bother them. Said baby bunnies got stuck on top of slide? Give me a bucket and I'll move them back to their nest at 8 in the morning

Random Task Person: 9/10 List of things I did when my 1-on-1 was absent/in individual instruction: set up book fair, blew up a bouncy house, hung up posters, tore down decorations, laminated a billion things, made endless copies, played kickball with 3rd graders, and my personal favorite... built a cardboard box castle

[weekend-whip]

Since it’s the end of finals season for me, how does everyone prepare for/deal with finals and what happens afterwards?

Hoo boy

Kai: Augh just the idea of exams/finals is enough to stress him out, let alone having to read and reread stuff that's already been tossed at him. In classes he enjoys he does fine, but in ones he despises...well, we don't talk about it. Once it's all over he starts training extra hard, using the exercise to burn off his built up aggressions (hopefully without burning everything down).

Jay: Is never worried, could take a test blindfolded and not drop below a B. Therefore, unblinded he's practically guaranteed to do pretty well, Is the WORST person to study with however, because he gets too quickly frustrated when people don't get the material right away. Afterwards does NOT want to do anything that involves thinking, which usually means watching movies cuddled up with Nya.

Zane: Is not worried, and holds himself to a rigorous schedule blocked out day by day hour by hour for dedicated studying for each of his particular classes. Is usually joined by Jay as Zane is one of the few people Jay doesn't get instantly aggravated with, and also Cole...

Cole: ...who is far less dedicated at studying but due to being in the same classes as Zane he gets to mooch a little bit. Acts like he's not worried but deep down is terrified of failing. Like Kai, can't just read through information and absorb it, but he does do much better studying via visuals, like graphs and charts and stuff. After finals are over he treats himself to a well-deserved nap.

Nya: Is probably the most level-headed about finals until someone tries to make it a competition with her (usually Zane, and also usually by accident snksnk) and then she turns into a studying fiend. She's popping out from laundry baskets and closets ambushing people into quizzing her (Cole and Kai are most often targeted this way), although it's usually Lloyd or a terrified Jay that get roped into officially studying with her. Always delivers on her grades, however.

Lloyd: Hates studying and hates the idea of finals, but hates the idea of failing even more (due to usually doing so well on his tests while at homeschool). Normally does just fine, but if he struggles during a final (or if a teacher is feeling particularly vengeful towards him with grades), he'll be bummed about it for weeks. Decompresses with comics and maybe a little bit of doing absolutely nothing at all

Jesse: Always panics around finals time. Is the one organizing group study sessions to make sure everyone's on the same page study-wise (which Kai can't STAND lmao)...and also to ensure that Jesse himself isn't missing out on anything. He does wind up spending a little more time getting others up to speed than himself, but does well enough to be proud regardless. Ends up compulsively cooking afterwards to work off his pent-up stress and energy (so everyone's always trying to hang around his house in the days afterward, especially Cole, Lloyd, and Antonia)

Miranda: Organizer QUEEN. Has her exams mapped out and planned for. Has her brother's stuff all sorted and ready to go. Has the kid from three halls down’s notes primed and ready if he asks. Her study area is a mess of notecards, sticky notes, pens, handwritten notes, a database of info...needless to say she does well on everything, and treats herself to a video game marathon afterwards (in which Jay and Lloyd are usually game to join in on.)

Antonia: She's the one everyone borrows their notes from, and as she takes such insanely amazing notes, she rarely has to put too much energy into studying. She's got the material down first-go like Jay...but, only in classes she enjoys. Like Kai, her grades are a 50/50 split between really good and less than stellar, but rarely does bad enough to be worried. Treats herself to snacks afterwards.

Harumi: A big "read it again" studier, but doesn't put in more effort than she has to. Not particularly worried about it, just vibes and makes fun of those getting way too worked up about it. Does well enough to pass, but whether or not it's with flying color or not varies. Likes going out on the town and doing something with friends once finals are over.

Olivia: Finals normally wouldn't faze her, unless she's got a Shark Army agenda going on at the same time, and then things get a little stressful. Rarely ever gets to study (or wants to), but if she does it's gotta be with another person (Nya, usually) to keep her on track. Indifferent on her grades, but will be pleasantly surprised if she does manage to do well. Throws a huge party at the Shark Lair afterwards; most of the Shark Army has no idea why they're celebrating but they're never gonna turn down an opportunity to party! (of which Bridget...absolutely...HATES...)

And bonus Sunni because why not: Never too worried about finals, but puts much more energy into keeping everyone else's spirits up. She's not a cram studier, preferring to pace herself and take in info bit by bit so it registers easier, and studies with Samantha often (even if Samantha gets distracted). She's also tutored by Meghan (which isn't bad, but she'd much rather be tutored by Jay), and when it's all over she treats herself and her friends to some baked sweets (but don't tell Harumi, Jesse, or Zane that they're store bought).

[starseedfxofficial]

The Under-the-Radar Power Play: Aussie vs Loonie in Long-Term Forex When it comes to the Australian Dollar (AUD) and Canadian Dollar (CAD), many traders feel a bit like they're watching a spin-off of a show they never thought they'd watch—sure, it's there, but is it actually interesting? The truth is, this pair might just be the underdog hero you've been missing out on, especially for those with a knack for long-term strategies. So buckle up (no, not cliché buckle up—how about "tighten those Forex shoelaces"?), because we’re diving deep into the secrets of long-term profits when trading AUD/CAD. Spoiler: it’s not all about the kangaroo hops and moose nudges. Section: Why AUD/CAD? The Unseen Gem of Long-Term Trading Most traders are glued to the likes of EUR/USD or GBP/USD, missing the beauty hidden within "the Loonie vs. the Aussie." The Australian Dollar and the Canadian Dollar are like two wild cards in a poker game—full of surprises but moving with predictable trends if you know what to look for. The key lies in understanding the unique similarities and subtle divergences that drive these commodity currencies. While both are heavily tied to their natural resources—oil for CAD, and metals like iron ore and coal for AUD—their correlation often dances to different tunes depending on global economic conditions. Mastering these tunes is like hitting the Forex jackpot. Section: The Long-Term Edge—Where Insights Trump Hype While others are biting their nails over daily swings, long-term traders have the luxury of sitting back (preferably with a Tim Hortons’ double-double, or maybe some quality Australian Shiraz). In the long game, the moves of AUD/CAD aren't dictated by speculative whims but by fundamental economic shifts. If you’ve ever found yourself stressed over intraday volatility, maybe it’s time you learned to spot hidden long-term trends. And no—not the kind of trends that lead you to buy discounted gym memberships in January. We're talking about positioning yourself ahead of macroeconomic shifts driven by trade relationships, interest rates, and economic resilience. Take the Purchasing Managers Index (PMI) as an example. The PMI of each country can give you a peek behind the curtain of their manufacturing health—the very foundation of what’s driving the Aussie or the Loonie at any given time. The trick is keeping an eye out for trends that indicate either strength or vulnerability in each economy, thus predicting when CAD might take the lead or when AUD will shine. Section: Tactics for Outpacing the Rest The long-term Forex game is often about making sure you don’t let emotional headlines and market panic be your trading compass. Instead, look at it like following a road map—PMI reports, interest rate differentials, global demand for oil or iron, these are the signposts. “But here’s where the real magic happens…”—it's all about knowing how to exploit moments of divergence. Suppose Canada is hiking rates aggressively to combat inflation (thanks, central banks), while Australia seems a bit more relaxed. Guess what? You’re sitting on a golden (okay, maybe a gold-ore) opportunity. An approach to consider here is position trading—placing a trade and holding it for weeks or months based on anticipated economic divergence. Think of it as a slow-cooking Forex stew—the flavors are better if you let it simmer. Find the right price level, maybe set some tasty limit orders, and let the global economy do the work for you. Section: A Case Study—The Divergence of 2023 In mid-2023, while many eyes were focused on the usual suspects like EUR/USD, there was a quiet but significant divergence brewing between Australia and Canada. Australia’s economy started showing signs of slowing growth, while the Bank of Canada remained hawkish due to a surprisingly resilient labor market. Those paying attention to the PMI data would have noticed Australia slipping below the crucial 50-point mark, indicating contraction. Meanwhile, Canada’s PMI was comfortably cruising above 55, reflecting strong expansion. What did that mean for long-term traders? Quite simply—opportunity. Traders who recognized this divergence and went short on AUD/CAD were well-positioned for a sizable profit as the Loonie took off in strength against the Aussie in the latter half of the year. Section: Next-Level Strategy—Using Seasonal Trends Here’s an insider trick most traders overlook—seasonal trends. Commodity currencies like AUD and CAD don’t just dance to the tune of economic indicators; they also have a little tango with the seasons. Canada’s economy, for instance, tends to see a boost in spring and summer thanks to increased oil demand and heightened construction activity, while Australia has its mining booms often tied to the Asian economic calendar. By aligning your trades with these seasonal patterns, you can give yourself an added edge. For example, if you notice Australia’s mining sector gearing up during a strong Chinese construction cycle, that could be your cue to take a long-term position in AUD. Conversely, if oil prices are skyrocketing in summer and Canada's PMI is strong, CAD might be your best friend. Section: The Mindset Shift—Trading Like a Pro, Laughing Like a Comedian Let's face it, Forex trading isn’t always the laugh-a-minute thrill ride we'd all like it to be. There are times when things go south (like that one "vacation" to an overly ambitious camping spot). Long-term trading, especially with pairs like AUD/CAD, is about maintaining perspective—remembering that each downtrend is just a chapter, not the whole book. And sometimes, you have to look at your account balance, laugh, and say, “Well, at least I didn’t spend it on an NFT of a cartoon duck.” The real take-home here is that the successful long-term trader isn’t glued to the charts. They’re plugged into the macro trends, taking decisive action when there’s a fundamental reason to do so, and letting the market play out over time. They’re aware that position trading with AUD/CAD can offer less volatility and a steadier path to growth—perfect for those who understand patience is a weapon. Section: Pro Tips and Tools to Stay Ahead - Track Economic Indicators: Keep a close eye on key releases like the PMI, interest rate decisions, and employment data. These metrics will help you gauge where each economy is heading and give you a heads-up on upcoming opportunities. - Use Smart Tools: Automation can be your best friend here. Tools like our Smart Trading Tool at StarseedFX help you calculate lot sizes, set limit orders, and manage risk automatically. It’s like having a personal assistant who doesn’t steal your coffee. - Join a Community: Ever heard the phrase “two heads are better than one”? Well, try a community of hundreds of experienced traders. The StarseedFX Community offers daily alerts, expert analysis, and an environment where even the craziest Forex idea can turn into an actionable strategy. Learn more at StarseedFX Community. Wrap-Up: AUD/CAD—The Long-Term Underdog to Root For The AUD/CAD pair isn’t always at the top of everyone’s watchlist, but those who understand its underlying dynamics know it’s full of untapped potential. By focusing on economic indicators like the PMI, keeping an eye on seasonal trends, and taking a level-headed approach, long-term traders can uncover opportunities others miss. So next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of the big pairs, consider shifting your gaze to this dynamic duo—and remember, sometimes the best trades are like a slow-brewing pot of coffee—worth the wait. —————– Image Credits: Cover image at the top is AI-generated Read the full article

[wibehavioralhealth]

Is Poor Sleep the New Normal? Part 2: A Guide to Starting your Sleep Journey!

As you may recall from part 1 sleep quality impacts our greater mental and physical health in a variety of ways. Even so, achieving adequate sleep can prove to be a great challenge. In light of this, below are a few introductory tips and things to consider, alongside reminders, for those who are hoping to improve their sleep habits!

Tips & Considerations:

Be mindful of food and beverage choices throughout the day!

Consuming alcohol or caffeine in the hours that lead up to bedtime can greatly alter the length and quality of the night’s rest. Given each individual reacts to and metabolizes these substances differently, utilize your best judgment and err on the side of caution when consuming them in the afternoon or evening hours, consulting a professional as needed for further guidance. Additionally, light, healthy snacks may be enjoyed up until it is time to rest, while full, hearty meals should be avoided in the 2 hours directly preceding sleep time.

Allow yourself time to unwind!

Rest is one of the highest forms of self-care, and we can get the most out of this rejuvenating time by creating a clear transition for ourselves at the end of the day. Whether you have the time or energy for an intentional 5 or 50 minutes, reflect on what low energy activities might help you separate from the stresses of the day and let your mind and body know it is okay to rest. Potential activities could include setting down your phone, reading a book, journaling, stretching, or chatting with someone you care for. These are a few suggestions to get you started, but it is encouraged that you explore others as desired in relation to what fills your cup at the end of the day!

Be intentional about your sleep environment!

Minimizing distractions and sensory inputs that are present where you rest can greatly improve your ability to stay and fall asleep. As even artificial light can trick our brain into thinking it is daytime, it is important to minimize exposure to bright, overhead lighting in the hour leading up to sleep, and further keep our spaces as dark as comfortably possible when finally getting to bed. In relation to noise, there are mixed messages on whether silence is best for sleep, as opposed to quiet music or a white noise machine for example. In either case, masking noises should be kept at a quiet level, only loud enough to block out undesirable noise pollution (such as traffic or talkative neighbors).

Listen to your body!

Our bodies are incredibly intelligent and often tell us many things if we have entered the space to listen. Most of us are aware of what happens when we are needing rest, whether it presents as increased irritability, a slower pace, or a combination of things. It may be our pattern to ignore or push through these cues when exhaustion creeps up on us, though it can be beneficial to look at the urgency of our outstanding tasks and shift them around to another day if possible in order to rest. School, work, or familial responsibilities may not be easily dismissed, but asking for help or adjusting your schedule to ensure better rest may allow you to perform better in these avenues down the road.

Work towards better sleep with those who live with you!

Similar to starting a new routine or changing up your diet, working towards better sleep with those in your household can increase your chances of success. Each person has preferences on how they spend their time and utilize their space before bed, but making your efforts and environmental preferences known can increase your chances at a better night’s rest. Even as others may not understand or desire to participate in your journey towards better sleep, communicating your needs can create a space of mutual respect and better sleep in time.

Reminders for your Journey to Better Sleep:

Sleep hygiene is not one size fits all!

Our sleep needs can look different from others based upon our age, health, and daily energy expenditure. Similarly, our sleep routines will be unique to our preferences and lifestyles. Explore the tips above and provide yourself grace to find what works best for you!

Change takes time!

As it takes time to develop poor sleep habits, the same can be said for creating good ones! Progress towards better rest is not linear and may not come at the pace which we hope, but we must weigh the discomfort of growth and change against the discomfort of struggling with inadequate rest and exhaustion.

You don’t have to make the journey alone!

Seeking professional support as you work towards better sleep is an appropriate and common option! In some cases, improving sleep can be incredibly complex given that it is both a precursor to and symptom of various mental health struggles. See Part 1to explore how a counselor can help you along your journey!

For additional blogs and resources here.

[hopeplacetx]

Four Steps to Overcome a Challenge

Being unprepared and behind in school, work, or home life produces unnecessary, preventable stress.

School is back in full swing and so is the homework, occupational, and life stress! This is a big challenge for families because their summer routine is interrupted by a new routine and new routines are always stressful at first. Let’s review how to overcome the challenge of everyday life stressors!

Just like fighting a main boss with a group of other people, you must do these 4 steps to be successful!

Here are the four steps: 1)      Prep (the what) 2)      Plan (the when) 3)      Execute (the doing) 4)      Review/Debrief (analyze)

Let’s break down the concept so you can really get a feel for how this works.

Prepping is identifying WHAT is expected of you, WHEN it’s expected of you, and RECORDING those things on a calendar.  During prepping, you also get the TOOLS you need to be successful.

School Example:  September 1st, Spanish Test ß MARK ON CALENDAR (calendar is the tool)

Video Game Example:  Before fighting a boss, you prep by identifying who is in your group, what their skill level is, what’s in their inventory, which spells they have available to use.  Perhaps you run by a store to get TOOLS you need to be more successful against this boss.

Life Example:  Getting your paper and pen > making a list of groceries before going to the grocery store

2. Planning is the ability to encompass all aspects of your life and time to identify how you can get the most for your effort, time, energy, money – etc.

School Example: You see on your calendar that you have a Spanish Test on Friday, September 1st.  But you also see a test on Thursday and Project due on Wednesday.  You know that you do better working on school work at a coffee shop, so you ask your parents to take you to pick up supplies for your project on Tuesday and go to a coffee shop from 6pm to 8pm.

Video Game Example:  You discuss strategies with your group on how best to defeat this boss using everyone’s inventory, spells, and abilities.  People with experience share their experience with the group on when to use each ability and an agreement is made with everyone on when to execute these abilities.

Life Example:  You ask your family members if they would like something from the grocery store to be added to the list.  Is there a special meal they would like this week?  Is there a sale happening at the store that would be a better use of money?  You choose the best store and time to go to based on how you can best spend your time, energy, and money.

3. Execution is the doing of your plan in order to reach your goal.

School Example:  Going to the store to get supplies for your project and studying for your tests on Tuesday from 6 to 8pm at the coffee shop

Video Game Example:  Using your spell abilities during stage 2 of the boss fight as discussed with the group, or the healer healing the group before they get below 50% as agreed with the group.

Life Example:  Going to the grocery store with the best deals on ice cream on a day and time that nothing else is scheduled.

4. Review/Debrief is the moment that you are looking for!  This is the moment of celebration or the opportunity to learn and grow from failing.

School Example:  You aced that project!  You aced that Spanish exam!  Yeah!  Get a bowl of ice cream!  Or, dang it, you didn’t do as well on the Spanish Exam as you thought you would.  That sucks.  What might be some tricks you could use in your Prepping and Planning to help you Execute better to meet that goal?

Video Game Example:  This is when you celebrate and scream YEAH! with your raid group!  This is the victory moment when that boss dies and you get to sit around and talk about what happened with your friends and enjoy your victory!  It could also be the moment that your group all dies, and you sit together to review a new plan since the other one didn’t work so well – but no hard feelings.  You guys make a new plan and try again because you learned new things about the boss fight.

Life Example:  Putting up all the groceries and feeling satisfied that you have everything you need to feed your family for the week, or putting up the groceries and realizing you forgot to get milk, so you review how you could do better to get it on the list next time or you simply go get milk!

How we handle life stress is up to each on of us.  Being rude, blaming, or refusing to do your work is unacceptable because it hurts you and others around you.  These are negative coping skills because of how they hurt people.  Imagine what would happen if you were with a raid who doesn’t execute the plan that you’ve made together. 

How does it feel when your healer keeps letting you die over and over again and then blames you for getting hit too much? 

What if your tank just went AFK during a boss battle, and then told everyone they just needed to get over it? 

Those people are using negative coping skills to handle their stress or issue, whatever it may be, and are likely not to be invited back to the raid.  Don’t be that guy. Figure out what works best for you and then go for it. Overcome that boss battle!

[nayelichang]

Not Losing Weight In a Calorie Deficit? This Might Be Why

Weight loss experts weigh in.

Whether your goal is to lose five pounds or 50, losing weight isn’t easy. Heading to the gym when you’d rather be curled up on the couch, attempting to satisfy a craving for sweets with fruit instead of ice cream, saying no to that second glass of wine…It’s all done in an effort to meet your weight loss goal. And it can be super frustrating when you do all of this without seeing any results.

Personal trainers often hear from clients that they aren’t losing weight despite a calorie deficit, aka burning more calories than consumed. What gives? It turns out there are quite a few reasons why this can happen.

How To Determine What Your Calorie Deficit Should Be For Weight Loss Many people with a weight loss goal assume that the key is making their calorie deficit as big as possible. Certified personal trainer and registered dietitian Gabbi Berkow, RD, CDN, CPT, says that this is a common mistake.“The goal with weight loss is to lose fat and preserve muscle, so you don’t want your calorie deficit to be too large,” she says. Her advice is to aim for a calorie deficit of between 10 and 25 percent, or in other words eating 75 to 90 percent of the total calories burned in a day. “The more you exercise, the more you can eat while still being in a calorie deficit,” Berkow says.

Curious as to how to figure out how many calories you burn in a day? Berkow recommends using a fitness tracker that monitors your heart rate, such as an AppleWatch, FitBit, Garmin, or Google Pixel Watch. “Your target calories for fat loss are 75 to 90 percent of the total calories you burn,” she says, adding that it’s important to make sure your protein consumption is about one gram per pound of body weight, or at least 30 percent of your targeted calories. If you don’t have a fitness wearable, there are several free calorie deficit calculators online, including Omni Calculator and National Academy of Sports Medicine.

Maybe you already have figured out your calorie deficit, but sticking to it hasn’t resulted in weight loss. There are several reasons why this can happen, explained below.

Reasons Why You May Not Be Losing Weight in a Calorie Deficit

You’re underestimating how many calories you consume The first reason comes down to plain old human error. Registered dietitian Alex Larson, RDN, says that there are some ingredients that people forget to take into account when counting calories. This, she says, can include cooking oils, condiments or sauces. “You don’t need to avoid them—just make sure that you’re taking them into consideration,” she says.

You’re gaining muscle Both experts say that there’s another reason you may not be seeing the number on the scale go down even if you’re in a calorie deficit: Muscle is replacing the fat you’re losing. “Both fat and muscle weigh the same, but muscle is denser than fat, taking up less space,” Larson says. “If a person gains five pounds of muscle, they would look a lot different physically than if they gained five pounds of body fat.” This is why it’s important to not zero in on a specific goal weight but focus more on how you actually feel.

Your cortisol levels are high “Cortisol is the body’s chronic stress hormone that increases fat storage around the abdomen, causing muscle breakdown, and increases fluid retention,” Berkow says. Scientific studies have shown that people with elevated cortisol levels have a harder time losing weight. “There also is a study that found stressed individuals burned about 100 fewer calories from the same high-fat meal as non-stressed individuals, which suggests that the body metabolizes fat much slower when under stress,” Larson says, adding to this point. Larson adds that chronically high cortisol levels can also impact eating behaviors, such as an increased appetite as well as craving foods high in sugar, fat and carbohydrates.

Both experts emphasize that managing stress and getting adequate sleep are key ways to prevent chronically high cortisol levels. Additionally, Berkow says that doing too much cardio or HIIT can also raise cortisol levels. “You do not need to do HIIT workouts more than once or twice a week,” she says. Berkow says that walking, strength training, and doing low-impact workouts such as yoga or Pilates are all other ways to incorporate movement into your exercise routine.

Your insulin levels are high Berkow says that high levels of insulin make fat loss a lot harder. “Rises and falls in blood sugar make cells more resistant to insulin, meaning blood sugar stays elevated and the pancreas has to pump out more for insulin to work,” she explains. “Insulin promotes fat storage as well, so persistently high levels of insulin put you in fat storage mode and can prevent fat burning.” In addition to this, Berkow says that low blood sugar can make someone feel tired and hungry, which can lead to unhealthy food choices.

For these reasons, she says it’s important to consume foods that stabilize blood sugar. To do this, she says to prioritize fiber-rich foods (such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grains) because fiber slows down the breakdown of carbs to glucose (the sugar molecule the body uses for energy). “Pair a carb with between 20 and 30 grams of protein and one serving of fat,” she says. Berkow says that eating every three to five hours also helps keep insulin levels from rising.

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You have a slow metabolism “A larger-bodied person may have a faster metabolism compared to someone that’s smaller in size,” Larson says, adding that larger bodies require more energy to keep basic body functions going. She explains that there are several factors that impact metabolism, including age, sex, muscle mass, genetics and physical activity level.

“To improve your metabolism, make sure that you’re fueling it with nutrient-rich foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean protein, whole grains and healthy fats,” Larson says. “Also, don’t skip meals. Your metabolism can adapt quickly by eating fewer calories, and if you restrict too much by skipping meals, your body will break down muscle for energy.”

She also says that losing muscle mass can also negatively impact metabolism. For this reason, strength training and resistance exercises are important to incorporate into your workout routine.

Your diet is messing with your hormones Often, someone will completely change the way they eat when they have a weight loss goal, committing to a buzzy, new diet. “One of the reasons why restrictive fad diets are shown to not work for weight loss long term is because they can deregulate hormone levels,” Larson says. “Trends such as intermittent fasting or keto can impact hormones such as ghrelin and leptin that regulate our appetite and thyroid.” Instead, she says to focus on losing weight gradually, which will allow your hormones time to adjust as you lose weight.

Both experts emphasize that it’s important not to make your calorie deficit too big; otherwise, Berkow says the body will go into starvation mode, slowing your metabolism and making it harder to lose weight. Instead of zeroing in on calories, focus on eating nutrient-rich foods and minimizing nutrient-poor ones. Couple this with regular exercise and you will likely find yourself meeting your weight loss goals—likely without even counting calories at all!

[figurkapseln25]

Figur Diet Weight Loss Capsules UK Reviews: Does Figur Diet Capsules Work Or Not?

What are Figur Diet Capsules?

The containersFigur Diet Capsules are a characteristic dietary enhancement which, when taken routinely, ought to achieve a good weight gain. As per the organization, the justification behind this is an exceptionally successful equation with chose dynamic fixings, which are expected to consume put away fat stores in a designated way. This ought to prompt the ideal client achievement.

Furthermore, as per the maker, this achievement ought to happen with next to no adjustment of diet or extra activity. What's more, coincidentally, the admission shouldn't just invigorate fat consuming, yet in addition fix the tissue and lead to an early sensation of satiety.

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What Exactly does the Term Figur Mean?

It comes in the shape of simple, easy-to-swallow capsules. It is a capsule for weight reduction that contains only natural components. It is manufactured at a state-of-the-art facility in the United States that adheres to FDA requirements and production procedures. Each Figur UK Weight Loss capsule is non-GMO, vegan, and free of gluten.

In addition, the capsule contains only components that have undergone clinical testing. In maintaining gut health and eliminating fat tissue from the body and intestines, the Figur UK Weight Loss aids in fat loss. When your capsule has substances that cure digestive problems, cleanse the body of toxins, and reduce inflammation, you will undoubtedly lose weight and keep your health.

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What Kinds of Components Can Be Discovered Within Figur?

The process of losing weight in a healthy way requires more than simply cutting calories and fat. The powerful and all-natural components of the dietary capsule collaborate to bring about benefits that are both alluring and long-lasting. Are all of the components of this recipe mentioned down below?

L-Arginine: One such natural component that may be found in Figur capsules is L-Arginine. L-Arginine is a semi-essential amino acid that is required for your cells to be able to carry out metabolic operations. This element in Figur also helps your metabolism and encourages the development of your muscles.

50 mg L-carnation: One of Figur’s key natural constituents, L-Carnation, is both an amino acid molecule and a vitamin-like substance. Therefore, a component that promotes fat burning and metabolism by facilitating the transport of fatty acids into the mitochondria to be oxidized and transformed into energy.

L-leonine: We can't function without getting enough of this particular amino acid from the food we eat. This vitamin, when used with the FIGUR capsules, may help us build muscle and other new tissue more quickly. This molecule aids in protein metabolism and stores energy for times when the body needs it most, including during intermittent fasting.

L-Praline: Other benefits may be gained by using an effective capsule. FIGUR contains the amino acid L-praline. Vital to the process of protein synthesis. It does this by stimulating the production of collagen. Anyone who is serious about losing weight and keeping it off has to have access to this choice.

50mg L-thiamine: L Theanine affects nerve conduction and neurotransmitter secretion. Along with that, it helps keep stress and anxiety in check. You can count on getting a good night's sleep with L-Theanine. Reducing anxiety may also prevent you from reaching for comfort food or indulging in a binge at the wrong moments.

75 mg L-praline: L-praline has many significant uses, one of which is to aid with weight loss. It's a fundamental building block for proteins, or amino acid. This substance is used by Figur UK because of its potential to stimulate collagen production. Collagen is important for a number of bodily functions, including strong hair, skin, and muscle recovery. As a result of this, it is a common ingredient in health drinks and capsules.

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Here are a Handful of Figur’s many Positive Attributes!

With the help of Figur and a calorie-restricted diet, we may successfully shed excess pounds. By sticking to this approach, you can keep your healthy habits for the long haul. There are a couple additional benefits I'll list below.

Bloating may be alleviated thanks to the evidence's shown efficacy.

The result is a reduction in body mass.

It's good for you in the long run and contributes to your overall health.

Possible immune-boosting effects.

A person's hunger levels can decrease as a result.

Aids in the digestion of sugar and fat.

You may use the capsules without worry because of how easily they work.

Its usage does not have any unintended consequences.

It speeds up fat burning and assists in weight loss.

It also highlights the general condition of the digestive tract.

Protects the heart by lowering the likelihood of developing cardiovascular disease and maintaining healthy cholesterol levels.

The capsule's weight-loss benefits are long-lasting and consistent.

The Cons / Disadvantages of the Situation are Outlined Below!

Due to the limited quantity that is still available, the delivery of your purchase may take some time. Internet shops such as Amazon and Wal-Mart do not sell it, thus you cannot buy it from them.

Only on the website that is officially associated with it can you view it.

Dosage Guideline! What kind of use can we Make of it?

If you want the greatest results, you should be sure to take the Figur Capsules on a regular basis. You just need to take one capsule every day in order to improve both your digestion and your metabolism. It is easy to swallow the Figur capsules if you take them with water. According to the information provided by the manufacturer, the most effective method for facilitating weight reduction is to take one Figur tablet on a regular basis. It is best to start preparing for one of your more substantial meals 15 to 30 minutes in advance. It is recommended that you choose the biggest meal of the day for supper (with the highest fat or calorie content). In the presence of two full glasses of water, the capsule should be thoroughly swallowed (at least 500ml).

Investing in the Cost of Figur!

If you're looking to buy a lot of Figur UK diet capsules, you can save a lot of money by doing so on the company's official website. Each box of Figur UK diet capsules costs the same amount regardless of how many capsules are included. There is a breakdown of what each package will set you back.

Two boxes may be purchased for €79.95 plus shipping is free.

The price for one box is €49.95 + €4.95 shipping.

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[madd-information]

Have you watched Kati Morton's new video about Maladaptive Daydreaming? What do you think about it?

[intro]

For years, I believed maladaptive daydreaming to be a form of dissociation, but it could also be added to the DSM as its own diagnosis, since it does have its own set of unique symptoms. Either way, at this time maladaptive daydreaming is not listed in the DSM as a diagnosable mental illness.

I was concerned because her last couple videos on the topic were very confusing to watch and seemed to conflate MD with the inner-worlds of DID.  It looks like she has done some more research on it and is going to make a more informed video. This is great and I deeply appreciate that she’s taking the time to do a proper dive into this. 

The closest diagnosis would be DPDR, or depersonalization derealization disorder. And this is the diagnosis given to those of us who struggle with dissociation. [explanation of DPDR]

Gonna need you to source that Katie, I’ve never heard an MD researcher say something like this.  When they talk about MD they call it a behavioral addiction with OCD features which is related to dissociative absorption (different from derealization and depersonalization, these two dissociative experiences are not particularly significant in MD, though they can happen.)

These experiences are extremely common. It's estimated that half of all adults have had at least one episode of DPDR. 50% of people. That is a huge amount of people.

Cool but not sure it’s at all relevant to the video topic. 

Also, it's important to mention that in 2016, four researchers put together the Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale, or MDS. This is a 14-item self-reported scale, meaning that you as the patient answers 14 questions based on your own maladaptive daydreaming experience.

It’s a 16 item scale now, it was changed very early on and has been 16 for years.  This is a very small and forgivable knitpick, just fyi. 

The MDS focuses on the content of our daydreams, how intense the urge to continue daydreaming is, and how much it impairs our ability to function in our lives, and the benefits and costs of our daydreaming. I am not personally familiar with this scale, nor have I used it in my practice, but I've linked the research article in the description if you wanna learn more about it.

A good description, and here’s that link again for anyone who wants to read about the finer details of this scale. 

When it comes to maladaptive daydreaming, it isn't just feeling out of body or environment. We can create very intense and detailed daydreams with plots, characters, and very lifelike issues and storylines. Some people will get the plots for their daydreams from their real lives, while others can create a utopian place unlike their current experience.

Yep, decent overview of content, though content doesn’t matter that much.  Also, use of “we”.  Is Katie Morton an MDer or was this a creative choice?  I don’t know, just a passing thought. 

We can find ourselves staying in these daydreams for various amounts of time. And some of my patients have reported staying in them for hours. And many of you have let me know that you struggle to get out of them at all, spending days in this other life that we've created.

Yep, good overview, but more importantly she’s listening to her patients and the feedback of MDers in her audience.

...there are many causes for this, and the first I wanna address is trauma triggers. If we've experienced a trauma in our life, things that remind us of that time or situation can pull us into a flashback, cause us to dissociate, or in many cases push us into our maladaptive daydreams.

When our brain and the rest of our nervous system feels overwhelmed and unable to deal with what's going on in the moment, it can pull us out of our current situation through dissociation. I always talk about that, like our brain pulling the ripcord. And it can also utilize maladaptive daydreaming. It's a way to cope or get through an overwhelming situation when we don't have other skills to help calm our nervous system down. So we just rely on what we know, and that can be daydreaming or dissociating. It's almost like this coping skill protects us from having to feel traumatized again and so it takes us away, you know, drops us into a much safer and happier place.

Trauma is always talked about first when people do overviews of MD.  She’s not wrong but just to add more information;  about a quarter of MDers report trauma, the other 75(ish)% don’t.  It’s a significant number but trauma is not the only pathway to MD.  Sometimes people walk away from these videos feeling like “well, I don’t have any trauma, maybe I don’t really have MD”.  That’s not a comment on what Katie has presented, she does go into other things below, just adding on.

Another cause or trigger can be high levels of stress or anxiety. We can slowly feel ourselves become more and more overwhelmed until our brain pulls us out of our reality and into a new one, aka our maladaptive daydreams. In short, we can want to stay in these daydreams to feel better and safer, but it can get in the way of us functioning in our life.

Yep

[audience anecdotes]

...Which is why even the term maladaptive daydreaming is used. Maladaptive means it's not providing adequate or appropriate adjustment to the environment or situation. So the daydreaming is only holding off the bad things. It's not actually making anything better or helping us process any of the upset. It's really just a temporary check-out, which can be helpful sometimes, but if it's happening all the time or making it hard for us to focus at work, school, or with our friends and family, we should find other, better ways to cope.

Exactly.

Which moves us into how we can better cope so that we don't get sucked into our daydreams for hours, days, or even weeks. And first up is mindfulness. Now, I know that term is overused now and super annoying but in order for us to know when we even need to use other coping skills, we have to know when the daydreaming urges are happening. So often we aren't aware of what we were feeling or thinking until it's too late and we're already pulled into our daydream. And at that point it's more difficult or even impossible for us to pull ourselves out. Therefore, we have to start being more aware of what we're going through.

[continues explanation]

Perfection.

And so next is figuring out ways to calm our system down. This can take the form of a distraction technique like going for a walk or organizing a part of our home, coloring, watching a show, playing a video game, you name it. These calming things could also be more process-based, things like journaling or talking to your therapist or a friend about it, or even using an impulse log. [Continues with calming things]

Good examples, MD researchers specifically recommend keeping a log.

We're also going to have to find some coping skills that we can use when we're starting to feel overwhelmed and wanting to go back into the daydream. Maybe we hold an ice cube in our hands, clap our hands, count the number of things in the room that are blue, brown, black… whatever works for you, do it.

Good stuff. 

And it's okay for something not to work. We just have to try it to know and then move on to something else.

Important point to make, happy to see this. 

Once we have a few things that work, write them down in your phone or on a post-it note so that you can see it and be reminded when you need it. We will also need to come up with some ways to pull ourselves out of the daydream. And I know this is gonna be harder and we may even wanna call upon helpful and supportive people in our lives to assist us.

Good advise. 

We could, because it's our daydream, right, we could put a big door in our daydream and we can choose to go through it and pull ourselves out, or have people in the daydream that remind us of our real life and tell us to go back.

A good suggestion.  Q, on the Parallel Lives Podcast (I can’t remember which episode off the top of my head), did something like this by turning to his characters and saying “ok, take 5 guys, we’ll pick it up at xtime”, and many people have found that to be a clever and helpful method. 

Now, I know this is really, really hard… which rolls into my final tip, which is to work with a therapist to heal from the trauma or to learn how to better cope with the anxiety or stress we're feeling. Working to heal or process through the reason our maladaptive daydreaming exists in the first place will ensure that we don't need it anymore.

Absolutely seek professional support if you can. 

... if we heal the issue we're struggling to cope with, the urge to use those unhelpful coping skills will go away altogether.

[outro]

I think this last point will frighten a lot of MDers.  It’s probably the brevity of the video that didn’t allow her to really expand on this, and I certainly don’t want to put words into her mouth that she may not have intended.  Don’t be afraid of losing your MD.  “Curing” Maladaptive Daydreaming does not mean “I’ll never see my world again.”  You’ll always have the capacity to daydream like this, you were born this way, but it *doesn’t* have to be maladaptive. Like overeating, you will never not eat, you will fix your relationship with food. 

Good video overall, brief but accurate and includes the standard helpful advise. 

[darnestdungeon]

Quickly leveling up 0 resolve heroes

So I had recently lost my only two Shieldbreakers in different occasions, both by being a total reckless idiot.

Impatient to wait for a veteran SB, I decided to recruit a resolve 0 and level her up. She even had the Luminous quirk (+2 SPD, +5 DODGE), I had to grab her! My roster was near full though and I had no other baby heroes to go with her. So I did something reckless:

I put her in a team of high leveled heroes and sent her to a short champion dungeon!

This is a bit cruel and stupid risky cause the baby hero gets like instant 60 stress just from being in such a hard dungeon, and it can quickly result in them getting afflicted and therefore refuse being guarded. Seeker heroes are squishy and can get snuffed pretty quickly if not guarded... BUT, all in all, if things go south all you can really lose is a resolve 0 baby hero, right? (CRUEL AND HEARTLESS)

To try and avoid the affliction outcome you can give them trinkets that raise the virtue chance, but that's a gamble. A better strategy is bringing along a jester to stress heal-- I wish I had thought of that at first.

If you have it, the Ancestor's Portrait is a good trinket to bring, cause it raises the resolve gained by the end of the quest! It's not a must, but it really helps with the whole leveling-up-quickly thing. Beware the extra stress though.

Another thing that increases their resolve is putting them with heroes that went to any of the Darkest Dungeon's levels! That torch icon represents the boost they earn from being with traumatized heroes like purple Dismas and the HM:

(I took the screenshot above on my second attempt, just to showcase this strategy to you guys. It did not go well, I'll explain why under the read more lol)

But here's the result of my first attempt! From level 0 to level 3 in one quest! I still need to treat those quirks of her, but isn't she a beauty after being upgraded? And now she safely can go on quests with the rest of the veterans :)

(Do read the warnings below before trying, I don't want blood on my hands!)

So after trying this two times with a 50% success rate, would I recommend this? Hmmm... that depends. If you have the space in your roster for other same leveled heroes, I think it is safer to level them all together as god intended. Or maybe use this strategy with less dramatic level differences (maybe upgrading a lv. 3 to 5 or something, or bringing a lv. 2 to a lv. 3 dungeon...)

This was just my impatient quick-fix. Very rewarding, but also very risky. If you still want to give this a try, keep those warnings in mind:

Be mindful of dungeons where enemies hit all the positions (such as the swinetaur), cause those can't be guarded.

Make sure the rest of your party can carry their weight and can dispatch the enemies efficiently, after all, one of them will be a designated guardian. With SB it's okay cause HM could guard her in the first round, then she could Serpent Sway and guarantee two blocks (freeing HM to attack), but be mindful if you use this on other heroes.

Make sure your guardian hero is equipped with speed boosting trinkets, otherwise they won't be able to guard the squishy hero before them being hit.

The stress factor is a big deal. The heroes get 10 stress for each level above their current one (like a lv. 0 will get 10 stress on a lv. 1 dungeon, in a champion dungeon they'll get 60 stress). So plan ahead for this.

IF things are starting to go sour, don't be afraid to turn back and retreat. Just make sure to finish the combat instead of retreating in case your under-leveled hero die mid-combat, otherwise you won't get their trinkets back after the fight. If you think you won't be able to finish the quest with just 3 heroes, retreat, but it should be okay as long as you have the right skills unlocked, it's just a matter of changing your strategy (you can change the active skills in the dungeon, here's something I didn't know in my first play trough).

Try to go on short missions, the longer the quest the bigger the gamble. For instance, check out what happened in my second attempt, in which I brought a Seeker SB to a medium champion quest in the cove: (I only did this to show you guys and there was no short quest that week. I thought it would go well lol)

Tbh that was all on me cause I didn't really understand the whole nightmare thing SB has going on so yeah... Even while being guarded, the horror inflicted on her cause her to have a heart attack. After her death I did finish the dungeon no problem (despite the permanent stress debuffs from the failed nightmare), the vestal only got afflicted cause I hit a bas-relief with a shovel by the end of the quest there, to see if she got a virtue. I don't know why I do these stuff. The more DD I play the more reckless my behavior...

So yeah, try at your own risk!

[personalcoachingcenter]

Coaching for Creating a Better Life and a Better Work Experience

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/coaching-for-creating-a-better-life-and-a-better-work-experience/

Coaching for Creating a Better Life and a Better Work Experience

A Research Paper By A Secolof, Business Coach, ROMANIA

Coaching for Creating a Better Life Session

Georgiana (not real name) has recently been appointed in a management role, managing a team of 3 people and a keeping tight professional relationship with most of the management team. She was really a hard worker, spending a lot of time fulfilling her tasks and coordinating her team.

One day, she found out that her team members are not offering the required support needed and this rolled up in getting a poor job in managing the relationship with her management peers. At the same time, her direct report was getting complaints from her peers that she is not supportive as she used to be. Despite spending overtime hours, her output was below management expectations. Her life was changing as she was spending less time with the family, she was very stressed and put weight as a reaction to stress.

Due to too many complaints from her peers, her manager was advised to fire her.

Studying already for almost two years ICA and having practiced over 50 hours of coaching and as a matrix manager of her, she was reporting to me on a dotted line, I noticed all the situation and offered to her direct manager to coach her for a couple of months and wait for the result, and maybe she will flourish gain.

Coaching Foundation

During our first meeting, I was trying to make her aware of the current situation and I made exploration around the real situation. What was fascinating was that she was aware that she is not delivering as she used to, but she was not aware of all the complaints her direct manager was receiving from her peers.

Questions used:

What do you want to explore in our sessions?

Based on the priorities of your team, what would you like to focus on today?

Based on the amount of time we have available, what would be your ideal outcome?

What do you want to achieve in our session to be useful for you?

What is important for you?

How can our session today help you with the current challenges you are facing?

The Real Challenge

Georgiana has to identify the issues is having and what is important to her for starting to make changes to get out of this unpleasant situation.

What We Did

We created a trustful relationship, meeting in a private meeting room, and also, we made sure effective communication was established by applying Active Listening and Powerful Questions techniques.

What are the issues you are facing?

What have you already tried so far?

What needs to be addressed to make a change toward the desired goal?

She was very open and after a couple of sessions, after she also got used to coaching, creating a good trustful relationship, she decided and looked determined to make a change. This is where I planned a session for the FlipIT lab.

Preparing for a FlipIt Lab

First, we have identified the 4 steps framework for change:

Find it > Identify your issue or challenge

Feel it > Work out how you feel about it

Frame it > Choose your current perspective

Flip it > Flip it for a better future

The purpose was to change her perspective from a disempowering one to an empowering one.  Ideally, to make her conscious and make a change towards how she perceives the whole situation she is dealing with. The ability to reframe the whole situation can provide a new perspective and new possibilities to make the change. If we are unable to change our circumstances, we have to change the perspective.

The purpose of reframing for the client is not to pretend that everything is right for her, but as it is an invitation to see the problems in different ways that she is facing and find new ways to meet the challenges. The goal is not to change her mindset, it is about creating a shift in consciousness to help her see things in a new way. This shift requires that she will accept and have the will that there is more than one way to look at the problems faced.

“Trying on a new perspective is like trying on new shoes; you need to walk around in them for a bit and see how they feel.”

Find It

I have asked her to identify the issue or the challenge she was facing for which she wants to make a change and for which she is ready to change. When using the image card, she selected the lady putting her hands in front of her face. I asked her to think and dig deeper into the issue, what does she see in that picture associated with her challenge?  She mentions she feels overwhelmed by the tasks she has to fulfill that she reached a level where she does not care what happens to her job, and she is following blindly this direction.

Feel It

We have moved to work out how she feels about it.

It is important to connect with how you feel about that issue you are facing, asking her: What is the actual feeling associated with your challenge? Frustration?

I asked her to select a couple of feelings from the ICA feelings/values cards.

She selected exhausted, anxious, upset, and powerless. From the values card, she mentioned she values honesty, respect, and integrity.

Frame It

We are looking at our world through our perspective, our own frame. We have to challenge our own frame or perspective we use to see the world. Having the ICA power tools cards, I have asked her to choose the most closely perspective that she is using to see her issue?

She was looking at the cards, and she picked up a disempowering perspective – DELAY.

We have to make sure the selected perspective is the one very close to describe her challenge.

So, I asked her to offer details what made her choose this perspective, and what makes it the most appropriate for her challenge?

She then described that she realizes she made a couple of bad decisions, a couple of her team members were not really doing the proper job and because she is very self-determined and never wants to fail in anything, she was taking over the tasks by herself and this placed a big burden on her shoulders. This made her stay long hours in the office trying to cope with the deadlines, and meanwhile there was other stuff she was supposed to do which was draining into other delays. I asked her: how the long overtime affected her? She replied, she was stuck between having to complete the work and having time with the family. All this concluded with the fact that family was putting pressure on her to come earlier and spend time with the family and on the other hand, her work peers did not receive what was requested from her, and they started to complain all around. This is what made her feel stuck, exhausted, anxious, and upset.

Now, the most exciting part of the FLIPIT process is to show the empowering perspective.

So, I pressed the button and flip it from the DELAY perspective to the ACTION perspective, an empowering one. ACTION is the commitment to the steps required for the achievement of your goals.

Flipping the card to ACTION, I explained to her what action really means, and I asked her what does she think about it?

She felt enlighten as she was really trying to protect her team and not taking action she was moving into a delay status that made all these bad things happening to her both on a professional side but also on a personal one. She strongly believes she should have taken action on addressing the issue with her team members and really not taking over the work. I asked her what are your next steps?

She mentioned that she will go back and discuss all the issues with her team first, then she will explain the whole situation to her direct boss and her peers. She will try to gain a bit of time from all parties and push back the work to her team members and offer guidance and support. Furthermore, she will not stay alone overtime but involve her team to finish the work. If members of the team will not cope with the task, she may consider taking further actions to change some of them to cope with the professional work.

Her smile was back on her face, and a change of perspective was exactly what she needed to move on from this issue.

During the coaching session, the FLIPIT process, we have explored the issue of finding the challenge really making sure what the challenge is, looking at the pictures that better describe the challenge, feel it, identifying her feelings and values, and then identifies her current perspective of how she is looking at the challenge. We framed it. The most exciting was the empowering exercise by flipping the perspective.

Finally, Georgiana’s progress was monitored as we have met a couple of times more in coaching sessions and making sure she was better to focus on achieving her goals – being back to efficient at work and going back to her personal life.

References

ICA reframing perspective

ICA FLIPit workshop

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/research-papers/coaching-for-creating-a-better-life/

[knightdale-secret]

Today I learned a haunting truth about a secret hidden right in my very neighborhood. An ugly truth that has been hidden, covered up and mostly forgotten, until now.

In Knightdale, North Carolina the prominent plantation owner, Charles Lewis Hinton, purchased and built a plantation home for his son David Hinton and his new wife Mary Boddie Carr as a wedding present on a stretch of land that would come to be known as the Midway Plantation because it was halfway between two other Hinton family properties. The beautiful, two-story Greek Revival plantation home was built in 1848 as a forced-labor farm. A slave plantation.

I’m not certain how many people were enslaved there over the years, but I do know that at least 130 of those slaves were buried on a site that would later be knowingly built on top of to create Widewaters subdivision. MY neighborhood.

Right behind the community pool and club house there is a strange white gravel path that leads up a slight hill to a black wrought iron fence gate that is always latched. There is a rickety wooden fencing surrounding a wooded area on a hill. This is in the middle of the neighborhood. There was never any explanation for it - for why, in a development, this overgrown patch of trees is fenced in and gated off, untouched, where normally there would be another few houses perhaps. I pass this area almost daily in my car or on leisurely walks. I had noticed the fence but thought maybe it was part of someone’s property. I didn’t think too much of it.

But that changed today. Today I was bored and looking up about local plantation owners in the area because history has always interested me. I learned a little about the Shoppes of Midway being built where the plantation house once stood and that the original house and its outbuildings were moved 2 miles up the road so a Target could be built and the ever expanding road wouldn’t keep encroaching on their lawn. This made way for growth in Knightdale. And grow it has. What was once a small town on the outskirts of Raleigh has become busier and more built up as available housing in the city has decreased and people leave it in search of quieter suburbs to live and raise their families. So as I was researching for no reason in particular other than personal interest, I stumbled upon an article about Midway Plantation and it stated that there was a slave cemetery that was surveyed and a neighborhood was built on top of it. It said it was across the street to the east from where the Midway Plantation house originally stood and that all that was left of the cemetery was maybe 50 graves on a hill in some trees surrounded by a black wrought iron fence. The article states that after the building of the subdivision was started, it was clear that houses were more important than the graves of the many slaves that worked the plantations. And yes, the builders did know about the cemetery. It was surveyed and it was signed off on to be built over. I think this is when the downplaying, lying and covering up started. A letter was reportedly written according to the below article when the preparations for the subdivision were being made that said that such a large slave cemetery couldn’t have existed in this area based on the shaky reference that the present owners didn’t have enough slaves to have this type of burial ground and no church could be identified on the grounds (cause cemeteries only are constructed on church grounds?) this mysterious letter writer conveniently failed to recognize that the land was originally Hinton land and they had slaves numbering in the hundreds here and could most certainly have amassed a deceased slave population of that size over the years it was in operation.

There is a saying about guilt : “A given excuse that was not asked for implies guilt.” If this letter writer submitted this without prompting from any public outcry than he was already defending a guilty mind. He was trying to persuade people away from the truth and to avoid any public outrage over the very wrong they knew they were committing by building here.

That article link is here: http://www.knightdalehistoric.com/pdf/plantations3.pdf

This was the only article or snippet of information I could find about this cemetery that very clearly under my neighborhood and whose remaining grave sites lie just mere feet away from our community swimming pool. This disturbed me greatly because to date, this site is unmarked and unrecognized. So i first decided to submit a request for a historical marker to be made for the site. I was met with an emailed response by a very helpful administrator for the NC Marker Historical Society who said that they no longer do markers for cemeteries but she would contact the National Register for Historic Places and see if the cemetery could be added to the Midway plantation that is already registered as a historical place. She has been talking with archaeologists who are working on this and she’ll be in touch. I also emailed someone in archives to see how I could find the site survey that was done but haven’t received a response yet.

Next I decided to post this information on Facebook to the local community groups and see how they felt about it, and to inform them as well as pose that a marker be made and that I would try to get that facilitated. An outpouring of support and offerings to donate to help fund its creation were given. I knew I was onto something that was important not just to me as a person living in a neighborhood with a secret of this magnitude, but to a community of people who would also want this recognized.

Now, I myself am not African American. I am pretty much as white as they come, I have the genealogy report to prove it. I struggled with the idea that I would be lambasted as trying to be some sort of “white savior” or something by trying to make this happen. I felt guilty that I was the one that found this information and had to be the one to put it out there. I felt like this belongs to the descendants of slaves. this is something that would affect their community,feelings and hearts maybe more than the white community’s in its ramifications and would of course be more important to them on a more personal level. Who am I to come in and make a big stink about something that isn’t even my history someone might say,but it is America’s history. It is the history of the land I now inhabit. And it is an issue that I hold dear to my heart because these men and women and children that lived, worked and died here were not just property or possessions, they were people and their graves should be respected just like anyone else’s. More so I think. Their graves can serve as a reminder of the great bloody sins that occurred in the building of this country. In the building of the south. The only monuments I’d like to see in the south would be to commemorate the slaves, not the enslavers and the people that tried to tear the country apart. The hero slaves that helped build this nation against their will and with great laboring and suffering due to an abhorrent institution that stains our history. They are the ones that should be remembered. Their stories told.

I have always been a sympathizing person. My first hero in elementary school was Martin Luther King, Jr. I gave an oral report on him and did papers later in junior high. I have always been the type of person that hates seeing injustice done to people and the hatred that divides communities and people over nothing more than color or ignorant biases. It never made sense to me and I never understood why people can’t be kind to one another and celebrate differences rather than fear them.

Some people made the point that many cemeteries have been likely built on over the years including white cemeteries, which I also think is awful, but in this situation PART OF THIS CEMETERY IS STILL HERE! Part of our history, this city’s history is still here in OUR NEIGHBORHOOD. We pass it every day! It is here with us and it should be recognized. It should be visited and reflected on. It should be acknowledged.

I visited the cemetery site today and saw the indentations in the ground and the old stone markers left on some of the sites where the slaves were buried. I couldn’t believe that this was just here, between houses and a pool, not in a historical site that you had to pay to see. No fanfare or brochure handouts. Just dusty old bones in the ground marked by grey stones in a patch of trees in the middle of a subdivision, silently waiting to be seen. I whispered to them before I left that I would do all I could to make sure they were not forgotten. That a marker in their honor would be made so they could be remembered. I sincerely hope I can make that happen.

Thru my posts on Facebook, I met a man named Keith Gibbs who has apparently already done a lot of work to try to have this cemetery recognized with a small group of others but they hit many roadblocks. He told me that there are cover ups and corruption surrounding the area from higher ups and people that don’t want this information out there. He was unsuccessful in his journey to get the site recognized, but he has agreed to hand over his research and findings to me in hopes I will be the one to get something done. ME, a curious girl with no real clout, lol. Yeah, ME, I’m the one. I’m the one that will make this happen where others failed. RIGHT?? Right.

Now, it should be said that I have never really been the figure head for anything in my life. I have never been the spokesperson, the leader the public person, the socialite. I am a shy person that works best from the shadows, behind the scenes. The one that does the work but doesn’t get the credit. And I have largely been okay with that role. It’s less stressful. But now people are looking to me to lead them on this issue. To call the shots and take the donations and create the marker. And that was all fine and dandy…. until CBS 17 messaged me asking if I’d like to do a story for them to help get attention and funding for the marker. I got excited and also nervous. I let her know that would likely be a good Avenue to take to get it done but I am still in the information gathering stage. I let her know of my meeting with Keith and told her I’d get back with her when I knew more. She was okay with that.

Honestly, I was relieved I had a reason to stall. I’ve never been on TV before! Cameras DO NOT love me unless its a selfie photo with a Snapchat filter that i’m taking of myself lol. I’m no public speaker. And also I still feel like it shouldn’t be me. I mean, it should since I discovered it and put it out there for the masses, but how can I be the face of this? Me, a white girl from small town Pennsylvania, be the face of a covered up slave cemetery? I feel guilty but also I do feel like there is something to white privilege and power and I hope to only use it as a force for good in this world and to help those with less privilege than I where I can. We only live once and I think a whole lot about how I want to be remembered when I am gone. When someone is building houses over my grave. I’d like to know somewhere out there I might be remembered fondly for doing something that was right in this world of wrongs.

I’m terrified to do the story, but I feel like it is my duty now and my responsibility. I am just so scared of fucking it up. What if I say something stupid or that can be taken out of context? This is such a touchy issue after all. I just want to do them justice. God help me. I just want them to be remembered.

[cutie1365]

A Kid from Queens Part 17

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Info: CA: Civil War Era. Tony Stark enlists his daughter to find the web slinging spider in Queens.

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: Language

A/N: Please let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Masterlist linked in my bio. Taglist in the reblog.

           - - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

Another restless night of tossing a turning, not knowing if you really slept or if time has passed, you found yourself reaching for your phone on the nightstand. Your eyes flitted to the time- 3:50 AM. You were about to groan and plop back onto the bed when your eyes journey down to another notification from an hour ago.

“Override 17A” it read, and right below it another one.

“Training Wheels Protocol Disabled”

“What the fuck?” You muttered out loud. 17A was Peter’s suit. Certainly your father wouldn’t have done this, which only left one explanation.

“He didn’t-” You stopped, almost in disbelief. Did he just hack your suit?

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. where the hell is he?” you asked angrily, sitting up in bed.

“It appears the tracker has been removed from the suit, boss.” The AI informed you.

You threw the covers off of yourself and jumped out of bed.

“He better be dead, because if not I’m gonna kill him.” You huffed, moving to your desk and pulling open your laptop.

“Can you get me the last location he pinged?” You began pulling up the reports you had on his suit, to see if you could get any more information on what he’d been doing. It showed you a map of him bouncing around Queens and occasionally into the city. There was one last dot 200 miles away.

“A hotel in D.C.” F.R.I. said.

“Why wasn’t I informed the suit left the city?” You asked.

“Mr. Hogan was informed.” She said.

“When?” You shut the computer, turning back towards the middle of the room waiting for an answer.

“4:00 PM yesterday.” She informed you.

“What the hell is he doing in D.C.?” You asked yourself, “Get me Happy on the line.”

You had a bad feeling about this, did Peter disable the tracker himself? If he did, it meant he was going to do something he didn’t want any of you knowing about, likely meaning it’s dangerous.

“Are you sure? It is four in the morning.” She asked for confirmation.

“Call him.” You instructed, standing to pace the room.

“Y/N, what’s going on?” Happy answered, his voice frantic. He knew you’d never call this early unless it was important.

“Where’s Peter?” You asked, the anger evident in your voice.

“The kid? He’s got a school trip in D.C? Why?” Happy asked, curiously.

“The suit’s tracker was disabled an hour ago, and some systems were changed without my authorization.” You tried to explain calmly.

“That’s not good.” Happy said, and you could almost feel his stress levels spike through the phone.

“Has he been giving you reports? Anything that could clue us into what he’s doing?” You asked, still pacing the room.

“He’s just been doing what he always does, helping old ladies, and bike thefts and muggings.” Happy shrugged.

“Shit. Ok, I’ll take care of it Hap.” You said, not wanting to stress Happy out even more.

You would have dug more to see if he knew anything, but in your pacings you figured a way into Peter’s suit. He may have disabled the tracker, but if the Training Wheels Protocols was deactivated that would mean his AI was now online. You should be able to enter through a backdoor in her system remotely.

After about half an hour you were able to get in, and although you wouldn’t be able to transmit anything you would be able to overhear any conversation between Peter and the AI. Hopefully that would tip you off to their location or what he’s planning.

“What is this place? Suit lady, where am I?” You heard Peter speaking, his voice transmitting through your computer.

“You’re in the most secure facility on the Eastern Seaboard. The Damage Control Deep Storage Vault.” His AI answered, casually.

“Son of a bitch.” You shook your head, jumping up and slamming your computer shut once more. Anger wasn’t the right word to describe what you’re feeling right now. Peter was meddling in something larger than himself, and he likely didn’t even know it. You didn’t want him to get killed.

Your dress pants were strewn over a chair in your room, they were closest so you grabbed them and a sweater and began to search for your keys. You knew the drive would take about 4 hours, it may be morning by then and you may miss him, but it was a chance you were willing to take. You couldn’t take the jet since it was upstate and you couldn’t get a pilot at this hour, with the Accords everyone was under such scrutiny that they couldn’t take you. If this had been years ago Steve or Clint would have gladly piloted last minute.

You did have one more option, but it was too risky. You hadn’t tested it enough, and certainly not for long distance flight stabilization. Plus your father would kill you if he found out you had made a suit prototype for yourself.

Once in the garage, you looked at the motorcycle next to your car. That could work... maybe shave an hour or two off of your trip by weaving in between cars and traffic. Though you’d almost certainly get pulled over and be slowed down even longer.

“Next time.” You glanced at the bike once more, as you climbed into the car and revved it up, praying you’d get there in time.

Once you were on the highway you put the car into autopilot, using your phone to connect to your remote desktop and back into his AI, to see if you could get any more clues as to what he was doing.

“Hey it’s like the glowy thing.” Peter spoke, excitement in his voice.

“That glowy thing is an explosive Chitauri energy core.” His AI, who you learned he named Karen, spoke very matter of factly.

“What!” You said out loud. “Peter Parker you’re so dead.” You groaned, flipping autopilot off, throwing your phone onto the seat next to you, and flooring it down the empty highway.

You were able to make the trip in three and a half hours, but you were too late. Peter was no longer at the facility. You had a worker let you into the deep storage vault, your name was practically on the door so authorization wasn’t an issue. You were thankful for grabbing nicer clothing though. You planned on looking for clues to where Peter ran off to, but you were distracted by a shipping container that had clearly been tampered with. This was something Peter couldn’t have done, nearly half of the items were missing. This had to have been the weapons dealings with the major.

You called in your FBI contacts to come investigate, and you were momentarily distracted and forgot about Peter, the whole reason you came here. You showed the agents the containers and the items missing, they must have been using the parts to make and sell weapons. They asked you questions about the protocols of this facility and shipments. When the venture between Stark Industries and the government was struck for this department, you’d read all the documents word for word, as your father was too bored to. Wasn’t really his area, paperwork. You answered their questions and discussed possible entries. A complete catalog of the other containers would have to be done and compared to the original records to see how much had been stolen, security would also have to be increased.

“Hang on.” Another agent to your right took a phone call that seemed important, “Where?” He said, concern evident in his voice. This caused everyone to look in his direction.

“Sir, we have an incident at the Washington Monument.” He turned to his boss saying.

“What kind of incident?” He asked, hands on his hips.

“Someone’s climbing it.” He said, in disbelief, the room went silent.

“Shit.” You muttered under your breath. That had to be Peter.

“Are we good here?” You turned to the agent who was your main contact and asked.

“Yeah, we’ll finish up here, see if we can get any prints.” He nodded, placing his hands on his hips as well, turning away from the rest of the group and dropping his voice slightly before continuing, “We’re getting intel on a possible rendezvous for a sale, we’ve got a guy posing as a buyer. We’ll let you know, we might need to use you as a distraction, but you’re free to go.”

You nodded, and tried to not look suspicious as you slowly rushed off to your car.

You drove as fast as you could, weaving in and out of traffic. As you got closer to the monument you saw D.C. Metro police helicopters circling. You hit the breaks as you saw fire trucks and ambulances surrounding the entrance. You put the car in park and stepped out, attempting to get a better view.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. what happened here?” You asked nervously.

“I’m sensing radiation from a Chitauri energy core detonation.” She spoke plainly.

“What? How the hell?” You walked closer to the scene, they were beginning to put up police tape.

“It appeared to be from inside the elevator.” She said.

“Is everyone ok?” You asked slowly.

“No casualties reported. Students inside the elevator were saved before it collapsed.” You now stood at the police tape, with a full view of the monument.

“Peter saved them?” You asked quietly, you could see the broken window at the very top, that must have been how he got in. He saved his friends, you really couldn’t be mad at him for that.

“Where are they now?” You slipped the sunglasses from the top of your head over your eyes, getting a view inside the monument at the crumbling elevator that would have meant certain death for all occupants if it weren’t for Peter.

“Their bus has departed and is heading back to Midtown, parents have been informed and sent to meet them.” The AI informed you.

“Is Peter on the bus?” You asked, worried.

“Traffic cameras confirm Peter Parker is on board.” She confirmed, and you hung your head in relief. You took one more look around the scene through your tech glasses as two firefighters moved to stand next to you.

“Shit’s crazy, five more seconds and those kids wouldn’t have made it.” They spoke to each other, and you quickly turned and rushed back to your car to make the trip back upstate. You knew what you had to do.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

It was dark when you finally arrived. You saw the bus with kids greeting their parents. They were milling about as a teacher was unloading luggage from the bus. You saw Peter leaning against the brick of the school building as May talked to other parents. Coming from around the corner behind him, you grabbed onto his arm and pulled him backwards, immediately wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a hug.

He remained frozen for a second, before recognizing your signature scent and hugging you back. You pulled away quickly, keeping your hands on the side of his arms as you scolded him.

“What the hell were you thinking?” You scolded.

“I-” He tried.

“You hacked my suit! You turned off the tracker.” You seethed.

“I-”

“I don’t know how you got into Damage Control, you tampered with federal property and a federal investigation.” You waved your hand in anger.

“I-” he tried once more.

“God Peter, I was so scared,” You hugged him again, “Don’t do that to me again.”

“I’m sorry.” He finally said, as you pulled away and he could see the tears beginning to form in your eyes.

“I can’t do this.” you admitted.

“Do what?” Peter asked, furrowing his brow.

“It’s been killing me, trying to stay away from you. I just- I want to be with you, I don’t care what happens.” You shook your head, letting a stray tear fall down your cheek.

“What about your father?” He asked, as his thumb gently came up to wipe the tear away.

“He’ll understand. The plan worked, we just have to be more careful.” You grabbed his hand to reassure him.

“You just can’t be seen with Spider-Man.” He nodded.

“But I can be seen with Peter Parker.” You smiled.

“What about Harley?” He asked, causing you to let go of his hand in surprise of the question.

“Harley? What about him?” You asked, confused.

“I thought you two were-” Peter began.

“Oh no, no. He’s a friend. He knows dad, it’s a long story. We’re hiring him.” You chuckled slightly.

“Oh.” Peter nodded, feeling dumb for assuming.

“Jealousy isn't a good look on you.” You teased.

“I just.” He shrugged, smiling and giving up. He laughed at his own assumption.

“Happy Birthday by the way, I’m sorry I missed it.” You said, it had killed you not being able to send him a message on the day almost two weeks ago now.

“That’s ok.” He smiled, taking your hand once more.

“I may know how I can make it up to you.” You smirked.

“How’s that?” He asked, knowing what it might be. You leaned in to kiss him, as you felt him smile into the kiss. You’d both missed this. Something just felt right whenever you were together.

You smiled as you pulled away to look at him in the moonlight, you stared into his eyes like it was the first time.

“I have a gala next week, come with me?” You asked, with a hopeful smile.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Peter raised a brow with the tilt of his head.

“Lucky for you, it has a masquerade theme.” You smiled.

“Lucky me.” He smirked, moving his fingers through your hair to the back of your head to pull you into a kiss once more. The both of you were so lost in the moment that you didn’t see someone coming around the corner.

“Peter? Oh-” Aunt May stopped as her eyes landed on the two of you. You quickly pulled apart, you could feel your cheeks begin to blush in embarrassment.

“Oh- uh, hi Ms. Parker.” You stuttered, your finger brushing your lip slightly before holding your hands behind your back.

“Hi Y/N.” She smirked, looking to Peter. She had known that he liked you, but she never expected to find the two of you like this.

“I should- probably- uh.” You pointed towards your car, looking back between Peter and May, nodding and taking a step towards the car.

“Y/N.” May called.

“Yes.” You turned back around with a smile.

“Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow?” She asked with a smile.

“Tomorrow?” You glanced at Peter, who’s eyes went wide in embarrassment, you smiled, “I’ll be there.” you nodded, you did owe him a raincheck.

As you turned and walked back towards the car you heard them whispering to each other, causing you to smile.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” May giggled to Peter.

“Shh... May.” Peter whined, causing her to giggle once more.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

Taglist in the reblog, link in my masterlist in my bio to join it

[nathenlindgren]

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Everything we do comes from the perspective of a business owner. We walk our talk, and we are 100% dedicated to serving you. We will treat your company as our own and look out for your business’s best interest as a whole. And as your SEO and digital marketing partner, you are NEVER alone in your game. We are in this together!

Simply put, we genuinely care about your business, and we are passionate about bringing noticeable results building your competitive advantage. Our SEO solutions and digital marketing system in place are driven towards making an indelible impact with significant change on your company’s revenue growth and, eventually, help your business succeed in this competitive digital age.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE EPROPEL DIFFERENCE. WE GIVE YOU A HANDS-OFF SOLUTION IN GETTING CONSISTENT SALES AND LEADS.

So, let’s kick things off with the help of our certified digital marketing experts!

Take note that highly effective e-Commerce marketing is a make or break necessity for many e-Commerce companies. Today, a plethora of e-Commerce businesses credit online marketing for achieving an increase in their ROI and their generation of more sales.

When it comes to e-Commerce digital marketing, finding the RIGHT e-Commerce marketing agency or partner can help you tap into this rapidly growing sales channel and keep your business prepared for the future!

That said, if you are looking for a dedicated digital marketing team passionate about taking your business to the next level, our integrated digital marketing strategies will be perfect for you!

Make ePropel and our team your trusted e-Commerce marketing agency. Our e-Commerce digital marketing services go unmatched, providing your business with the best value possible and helping your e-Commerce store get ahead in today’s very competitive online business world. We will develop a customized internet marketing package to meet your business KPIs and revenue growth goals.

With our team of experienced SEO and digital experts and a growing number of satisfied customers, ePropel becomes the trusted choice for e-Commerce companies looking to drive revenue, generate sales, set up an effective conversion strategy, and ultimately, get good leads aboard.

PARTNER WITH EPROPEL NOW, AND TOGETHER, WE WILL GROW YOUR BUSINESS!

Why do you need a game plan for your online marketing?

The global market is continually expanding and innovating. If you don’t keep up with your competitors, you will be missing out on huge sales, let alone you lose in the game. Relying on the traditional forms of advertising and marketing products will not cut it or beat your competitors, especially in a very aggressive market with low customer spending.

With nearly all marketing efforts being performed now online, it is tough to draw customer’s attention to your business. Even more challenging is deciding between the various types of digital marketing people use today that will potentially market your business. If you continue to rest on your laurels in a world of business that’s highly competitive, sooner or later, a new competition lurks around the corner, and you are in a deadly trap.

Here’s a wake-up call to e-Commerce business owners

While you are not boosting your website’s visibility, your competitors are keeping the competition on their toes. So, if your potential and existing customers find them online, they will likely turn to your competitors instead of you as the go-to source for their needs. Thus, you miss the opportunity to pull in more customers and reach a large audience.

As you can see, digital marketing is relatively inexpensive and very doable, so there is no reason why e-Commerce businesses couldn’t stay in front of people and stand out from the crowd. No matter how new or small, your business can avoid being overlooked by the vast marketplace. Here’s the good news, at ePropel, we offer a suite of e-Commerce marketing services that make using e-Commerce marketing simple but on point and delivers results.

Take advantage of our online marketing strategies geared toward building your brand awareness, increased website traffic, targeted reach, leads, conversions, or even repeat purchases so that you could achieve your business growth goals. With a coordinated marketing strategy, your company will surely maximize the impact of your e-Commerce marketing efforts!

FIND OUT HOW YOU CAN GET MORE CLIENTS AND REACH YOUR TARGET MARKET THROUGH SEO. WATCH THE FREE TRAINING VIDEO HERE.

Again, don’t rest on your laurels. It’s time to take massive action!

As a business owner, it is common for you to spin the wheels and lose focus. And as the business continues to grow, the demands to be met become increasingly high. Without noticing, it presents you with ever more complex challenges at a near-relentless pace, losing your control and grip on the business. Add in your personal and family needs; things could spiral down quickly, and it’s easy to constantly feel overwhelmed and unmotivated. ‍

With overwhelming things going on in the business, unknowingly, the day has gone by, and you missed priming the pump that improves cash flow. Remember that generating MORE sales or getting more people walking through your door are the lifeblood of your business. At the end of the day, the main thing that matters is, how many sales are you making?

If you want your business to realize its full potential without getting overwhelmed, take this advice seriously: do things that truly matter to your business, and don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Whether you like it or not, your e-Commerce success depends upon the successful marketing strategies you have poured into your business to gain traction in a crowded online marketplace.

If wearing multiple hats at your job hurts your efficiency, decreases your focus, and undermines your productivity as the company’s primary decision-maker – it’s about time to stop trying to do it all by yourself. Simple. If you do the SEO legwork yourself, you need to learn the process and pay for tool subscriptions. In addition, to get it done right, you need to invest in training and courses. Too much on your plate already, and confused about what to do first. Consider outsourcing your marketing – this is perhaps the best decision. This way, you can give your undivided attention to more important things to run your business more powerfully.

Do you want an e-Commerce marketing going and need help from experts?

No worries, we’ve got you covered! We at ePropel will help you create a plan, strategize, and implement it into your business. We will make things happen for you and deliver maximum SEO results that propel your business to grow. ‍

Prioritize Keywords That Gets You Results

Identify what your prospects are searching for on Google and embed these keywords into the right areas of your website that you can consistently get qualified leads on a regular basis.

Optimize Your Website to Increase Visibility

With over 200 optimization factors, we identify the top factors that are turning your visitors away and what would increase searchability on your website. We then implement these on your website on so that it helps your store to rank on Google for more keywords

Quality Link Building To Accelerate Your Growth

Without high-quality and relevant backlinks, it’s almost impossible to get to the 1st page of Google for the most competitive keywords in your niche, so it’s very important to match your eCommerce store with the most relevant and high quality backlink opportunities to achieve 1st page Google results.

Without SEO, your website is not found by searchers, and your efforts will be for nothing. Remember, most e-Commerce traffic comes from Google, and because of this, implementing cohesive e-Commerce marketing strategies will help you get found, get noticed, and attract new leads.

Investing in SEO and digital marketing is a long-term investment. We believe that building our partnership with you is crucial to making our working relationship as smooth sailing as possible. We understand that you are busy running your business. Don’t worry; we’ve got this!

We will take your business marketing off your plate and help you get into the “​feels right” zone quickly to skyrocket your sales. We’ve got your back, and you can count on us, through thick and thin. We have everything tracked with advanced analytics on your site, showing all aspects of your business, resulting in a more effective and faster decision-making process and ensuring that all campaigns perform at peak potential. We will also send you a detailed regular SEO report that summarizes all necessary SEO metrics you need to know about your business.

Everything you need to know about e-Commerce marketing

With many marketing operations now taking place online, it can be tough to decide which e-Commerce marketing strategy is most useful for your business. So before we dive into much detail about the endless options for marketing your product, it is essential to understand that e-Commerce marketing and digital marketing are both inclusive.

Similarly, e-Commerce marketers can use all digital channels to promote their products, attract visitors to their website, facilitate purchases online and grow their business. While SEO results take time to be reflected on search engines, it offers long-term value. So, keep going!

At ePropel we help business owners improve their store and monitor their progress. We will help you implement clear, actionable, prioritized ground-breaking SEO strategies to improve your website performance.

Scan your website with possible SEO issues. No obligation is required.

AVAIL NOW FOR OUR FREE SITE AUDIT TO CHECK YOUR WEBSITE’S SEO SCORE.

Patience is a virtue even in SEO…

As an e-Commerce agency, we have been doing SEO for a long time; the most common client question is, “How long before we are #1 in Google?” We get that.

Here is the harsh truth, there is no such thing as instant SEO results. But once rankings are achieved, it is not easy to fall off Google’s SERP. So how long does it take for results to start kicking in? It takes 4-6 months to see the results and experience an increase in organic traffic to be accurate. ‍

Although most companies want fast and quick results, SEO cannot take effect overnight. It just doesn’t happen like that – SEO doesn’t work instantly. However, if website optimization is built on a right and solid foundation, it should continue to bring relevant organic results not long after the website is optimized.

When it comes to populating the first page in Google, the bottom line is that patience is a virtue. Google is getting smarter recently, and it takes considerable time to prove to Google that your website is worth it. If you successfully make it to the first page, pat yourself on the back. This achievement means that Google has finally found your website credible and valuable.

So, kudos to your dedication and hard work. Allow us to be the first one to say, “Congratulations, all of your SEO efforts have finally paid off!” The main takeaway here is that the work will gradually produce BIG results if the SEO foundation is solid and done right. SEO is a daunting task, but it is a slow but sure process. So trust the process!

Now, let’s talk about the ins and outs of digital marketing

Nowadays, digital marketers use different platforms to generate noise towards their products or services. Let’s face it. Competition among small businesses is fierce. In fact, we frequently witness an uprising every now and then. With that said, digital marketing has never been more relevant and vital for companies to get their business found and thrive online.

A lot of e-Commerce companies are now investing so much effort in telling about their brands or showing off their products in the hope of bringing awareness and attracting more buyers online without spending so much money on advertisements. These are made possible because of the digital marketing strategies they implement on their own.

As the competition online gets more rigid, more and more business owners have difficulty keeping up with competitors. Add in the fact that digital marketing continues to evolve every single day.

This scenario is quite challenging for many businesses to take advantage of the marketing channels available, especially if entrepreneurs are not clear on their starting point and where their company is headed within a given timeframe – it can seem scary, intimidating, and confusing. Add it, for businesses with limited time and resources on hand – it’s often difficult to take advantage of digital marketing channels, which leads to neglect and not taking action to leverage and stay ahead of the curve.

So why does digital marketing matter to your business?

The reasons are simple and clear. To make it easier to understand, let us break them down into tiny bits and pieces.

IT DOESN’T NEED A CONSIDERABLE INVESTMENT

e-Commerce marketing won’t break the bank to implement the strategies. If you are new to digital marketing, find suitable channels that work for your business.

IT EFFECTIVELY INCREASES THE CONVERSION RATE

Although e-Commerce marketing doesn’t promise fast results after optimizing the website, it can easily convert subscribers and leads into high-paying customers and repeat clients when done right.

INCREASES YOUR RETURN ON INVESTMENT

As you get higher conversion rates, it will impact the revenue positively, make more money, and increase your profit margin.

DEFINES AND CLASSIFIES YOUR TARGET MARKET

In business, you need to understand who your target customers are. Speak directly to your ideal target market that can resonate with what you are offering, and in time, your efforts will pay dividends.

BUILDS AND STRENGTHENS YOUR BRAND

Having a brand is not enough. It needs to be promoted and instilled in your potential customer’s minds, which means getting your brand in front of them and winning their trust to increase your credibility. The greater brand awareness your business has, the higher the chances to convert website visitors into paying customers.

SHARE QUALITY CONTENT ABOUT THE COMPANY ACROSS DIFFERENT PLATFORMS

SEO and digital marketing involve the optimization of your content. Creating content and sharing them on different digital media platforms make you look like an industry expert. Being so is an advantage because it will give you an instant upper hand on competitors.

Ready, set, let’s go!

If you don’t have an SEO and digital marketing system in place, what are you waiting for? Now that you know the ins and outs of e-Commerce marketing, let’s discuss how you can build a successful business strategy for your online store.

Set realistic long-term goals for the business.

Break down long-term goals into actionable steps.

Keep your new and existing customers happy.

Keep your new and existing customers happy. Like other relationships, the business relationship is about establishing mutual trust. Nurturing your customers will solidify your business’s future success, avoid customer churn, and increase client satisfaction.

Pandemic lockdown is a blessing in disguise to small businesses...

Entrepreneurship is not for everyone, making it difficult to stay afloat, especially for startup business owners during trying times like what we are going through right now. With the influx of COVID-19 worldwide, many businesses that were severely affected are now out of business. ‍ The ones believed as temporary closures became permanent shutdowns delivering a gut punch to business owners across various ranges of industries. Despite the reopening to new normal, thousands of small businesses are still struggling to get their heads above water. ‍ On the flip side, e-Commerce businesses have been turbo-charged by the pandemic. Coronavirus restrictions forced people to stay at home and avoid leaving their houses unless absolutely necessary. With more consumers needing to physically distance and local stores changing their in-store operations due to daunting COVID-19 case counts, the option to shop online became the best alternative to many.

Turn your dry pipeline into a well of golden opportunity

Pandemic has changed the way people shop and accelerated the digital world’s shift where business interactions and transactions are done online. The compulsory measure to arrest the virus caused the most significant change to online shopping. ‍ But our difficult circumstance goes to show that every cloud has a silver lining. The strict stay-at-home combined with physical distancing orders led many people to shy away from physical stores, sweeping more virtual and e-Commerce businesses off their feet. ‍ If you have the right mindset, you can see a dry pipeline as a once-in-a-lifetime chance to innovate, restructure, shift priorities and take advantage of the new trends of commercial opportunities brought on by the unprecedented times. That’s right.

According to recent surveys, retail e-Commerce sales soared to an all-time high during the global pandemic. The challenging situation we are in right now is perhaps the MOST ironic. Do you agree?

A dry sales pipeline compels businesses to perform into exploration mode, try new things, and accelerate the learning curve. So, despite the economic fallout, COVID-19 helped drive e-Commerce sales up to 97% compared to the pre-pandemic season. 

This enormous growth of e-Commerce means competition, which means that e-Commerce companies struggle to get new clients because of too much rivalry online. Sounds like you?

GET A FREE AUDIT TO CHECK WHAT’S HOLDING YOUR WEBSITE BACK FROM ITS POTENTIAL TO GET RANKED AND NOTICED.

Supercharge your e-Commerce site search to get more traffic

So as COVID-19 spikes and restrictions remain uncertain, today is the perfect time to jumpstart boosting your e-Commerce business. If you think your company doesn’t need SEO, think again! As the pandemic continues to reshape our world, many consumers turn to e-Commerce to purchase the items they need and become accustomed to the convenience of shopping from home.

The dramatic shift from in-store shopping to massive buying online is expected to have lasting effects on the consumers’ shopping preferences, even when things go back to a pre-COVID-19 way of life. The prediction is that online shopping is here to stay even when the pandemic is over. So, grab the chance to get discovered by your potential customers and dominate your niche.

Don’t just launch your e-Commerce store; leave it sitting online and wait for orders to come through. Sorry not sorry – this is not how it works. Flow in orders and sales won’t come unless you get the word out there and let the people know about what you are offering. Letting your website die in the vine and not doing anything is like throwing your money away since no one will see this website of yours. Your website is not getting any leads that you needed to scale your business.

In the digital era, setting your e-Commerce website is the easiest part of the process. The difficult step is how to get attention and convert the leads into loyal customers. We offer e-Commerce marketing services to maximize reach and transform your shop into a retail store’s powerhouse.

GET IN TOUCH WITH US TO SEE HOW YOU CAN SKYROCKET YOUR E-COMMERCE BUSINESS GROWTH AMID TIGHT COMPETITION.

Step up in your SEO game. Why not?

First, let us make a recap. Website optimization through SEO strategies is the game-changer for ranking high on Google, capturing new leads, and increasing your revenue in the future. If your brand has high visibility online, it fuels more sales for your business.

After e-Commerce store launching is completed, don’t sit back yet. Instead, invest your efforts into turning your website into a lead magnet and acquire more customers straight from your website. Even a pandemic can’t slow down your e-Commerce business if you have the right SEO in place.

To reiterate, taking your business online is totally different from creating a website. Every effort we make to improve our website’s performance leads to revenue in some way.

So, if you want to leverage your business, keep this in mind:

Your e-Commerce website becomes the marketplace where customers learn about your products and services and make pre-purchase decisions. The customers also carry out commercial transactions like buying or selling on the platform itself.

SEO is a non-negotiable strategy for an effective e-Commerce marketing

The pandemic has turned several businesses upside down. If your e-Commerce store was hit hard by this Coronavirus outbreak and has experienced a massive decline in traffic and conversion, it’s time to do the work. Yes, you heard it right!

Don’t wait for things to get better before you put in the work. While everything is slow, it is the perfect time to restructure, which includes improving your SEO and utilizing digital marketing platforms to skyrocket your sales, outrank your competitors, and get back on track when the pandemic is over.

Sounds good? Here’s how to get started:

Declutter your website pages. Remove irrelevant pages that were created without a strategy, including those that got obsolete over time. Although Google indexed them, they don’t matter to your business anymore. So better delete the non-essentials – having less is more. ‍

Only publish high-quality content. It was once a fad that producing heaps of content was the key to rank. But things have changed. The rule of thumb is to go for quality over quantity. Today, Google is more focused on the VALUE you are providing to the online readers. So, when publishing content, keep posting less but highly informative and keyword-rich articles. Then, you are good to go! ‍

Utilize other platforms like Amazon and App stores. Explore other websites that your audience is searching and don’t just restrict your efforts to rank in Google alone. Look beyond and seize every opportunity you have. The goal here is to maximize your online visibility to get found by an impending flood of virtual customers. ‍

Level up your website’s on-page SEO. On-page SEO is the key to improving your brand visibility, achieving a surge in organic traffic, and whatnot. On-page SEO is done by optimizing and adding keywords to the individual page on your website. If done correctly, it has the potential to improve your website rankings in Google and reach your target audience over time. ‍

Improve visitor’s dwelling time by creating engaging content.‍ Dwelling time is the amount of time users spend on your website before they go back to check out other results in the search engine. Adding high value, quality, informative and engaging content will increase your chances of converting visitors into potential customers and avoid leaving before they get to your website. ‍

Switch your website to Google’s mobile-first index.‍ To simplify, Google prioritizes indexing sites that are mobile-first indexing compatible. As Google adapts to the growing use of mobile worldwide, Google bots prioritize crawling and indexing sites with compatibility with mobile-first indexing and mobile SEO in general. ‍

Amp up your technical SEO. The main goal here is to optimize the primary infrastructure of your website. Technical SEO has nothing to do with your content. The most simplified definition of the process requires Speed, Progressive Web Apps (PWAs), and JavaScript, to name a few. Improving your technical SEO allows the search engines to access, crawl, interpret and index your website without any problems.

Fill your sales pipeline with warm leads

As Google rankings increasingly become tougher, it is important to understand what your audience likes and preferences as a whole. Since most people now are spending most of their time on their smartphones, it is good to invest your efforts in identifying the suitable medium to engage and nurture relationships with your visitors and create content that adds value to them.

Take note that shoppers are spending more hours researching the items they want to buy online. If they highly consider your product, they will temporarily add them to the cart and buy it later. According to surveys, it takes about two weeks before they make the purchase decision.

As part of the sales process, newly found leads need warming up before they are ripe for conversion. The content you add to your website attracts potential customers. You can keep them engaged by giving them steam of quality content that will keep them coming back and increase their genuine interest as they move closer to making buying decisions. Most potential buyers are not only are searching online for the products they want to buy online but are also looking for answers to their questions.

Yes, it’s true. Almost all the customers have curious queries, so create content that is engaging and informative. Strive to satisfy their curiosity and meet them at every level of their research – from product discovery, comparisons with other products, and reviews from previous clients.

Aside from getting a paying customer when you add value to your audience journey, you will also get a fresh ranking boost from Google. It’s like killing two birds with one stone. So don’t settle for mediocre content; go for quality content that will help you stand out, pull visitors into your funnel, warm them as prospects, and eventually, fill your pipeline with qualified hot leads.

LEARN MORE ABOUT OUR TAILORED SOLUTIONS TO SCALE YOUR E-COMMERCE WEBSITE UP. BOOK A STRATEGY CALL WITH US NOW!

Final words

SEO is a critical need by e-Commerce businesses nowadays. There is no other way to move forward your e-Commerce business faster and get better ROI than optimizing your website. As an e-Commerce digital marketing agency, we will get the results for you while you focus on your business. Choosing your e-Commerce digital marketing agency is a matter of life and death. It could help you succeed or fail in your SEO campaigns. So choose wisely. Your choice in hiring the right e-Commerce SEO agency matters because it either catapults your e-Commerce store to brilliant new levels of success or pulls your business a giant step backward.

Partner with ePropel, and guaranteed, your business is in good hands. We have what it takes to help your business grow. We will unleash your e-Commerce to its full potential allowing your website to get more traffic, exponentially increase your revenue and gain more repeat businesses online. So whether you want to increase your profit or get your brand out there, ePropel’s e-Commerce marketing services will help achieve your business’s goals to succeed within a target audience.

ePropel is an SEO agency that helps companies to accelerate their website’s organic visitors through our proven 3-step system. Our team has more than 20 years of experience and are driven to deliver exceptional results for our clients.

[ardellian]

I’ve been reading a close friend’s study material (because I will throw myself desperately at anything which is not my study material--ehm--moving on) and since I’ve already ranted about this to everyone I know in person I now have to get it out of my system and resort to shouting into the void of the internet. Anyway, everyone interested in like, interaction with other humans in general and with young neurodivirgent people in particular, should check out Bo Hejlskov Elvén, who works with low arousal strategies for conflict management. Unfourtunately, I can’t find a lot of free material in English. Here’s a 50 minute lecture on youtube, though, which is very good.

Self control and challenging behaviour

!!! Trigger warning: Between 38:30 and 41:30 he talks about the dangers of restraints and the unacceptably high risk of fatalities. It’s very upsetting and especially so in the light of police brutality and recent events. !!!

First off, he starts the lecture by saying this:

We’re going to talk about autism--I’m not going to say people with autism or autistic people, I’m going to say people. Is that okay? Yeah? Because to me it doesn’t matter so much if it’s dementia, or just being angry, or autism--it’s the same behaviour and we need to manage it in the same way.

Which to me is just fundamental if you ever want to do something good for people and not just patologizie them.

Some highlights and thoughts under the cut.

Conflicts

I actually think a lot of challening behaviour and maybe even conflicts is just about problem solving. Has any of you ever been in a conflict? How many has been in a conflict?

[Audience laughs and agrees]

When you think back on that, isn’t like this--that you actually just did your best, didn’t you? It was the other guy who was an idiot.

[Audience laughs]

Often it’s just like that. I have a problem, and I solve it. My solution might become a problem for somebody else, right? And he needs to fix that. And then that solution might become my problem.

[...]

Because often what we consider problematic behaviour, might actually be a good solution. And he might consider our behaviour a little problematic as well.

If I could have gotten this into the heads of some people I used to know, then... Sigh. Anyway, this whole approach to understanding human interaction is based on the idea that people do the best they can in any given situation. And if you understand that, you can actually help them do better instead of making the situation even harder for them.

Self control

Some of us have a lower line [for when we lose self-control] -- we call it affect regulation. Some of us have a worse affect regulation. That means that when we get into difficult situations, we cannot just say, oh, it will work out. We will actually say; this will not work out. In a little while, I will hit my head on the floor, I may even poop my pants--I don’t want to do that; I need to have strategies. And then we do some quite amazing things.

Example: A little while ago, I asked you to stand like this [he does a funny dance]--you did that very nicely, thank you. Then I asked you to take off all your clothes--and then you thought: I might not be able to control that situation. Am I right? I don’t think I can figure out what will happen if I take off all my clothes; I might lose control. I don’t want to lose control.

And then you did something. You acted.

And what you actually did was amazing. What you actually did was that you refused, and then you laughed me right up in the face.

What do you think about behaviour like this? Is that okay?

Of course it is.

He brings up the strategies refusal, lying, violence, running away, threats, self harm, and name calling. He highlights how all of these strategies are actually perfectly rational and almost always solve exactly the problem that people are dealing with.

Affect contagion

Have you ever talked to someone who was depressed? Did you get a little funny feeling? Have you ever been sitting opposite from someone yawing? That’s contagious as well, isn’t it? It’s contagious, and using something we call mirror neurons or mirror neuron systems. [...] This is something everybody in the whole world can do. People with autism can do it, people without autism can do it. Everybody can do it, and we can do it from the day that we are born, actually.

Affect contagion is the whole idea behind the low arousal approach--the higher your affect gets; the closer you are to losing self-control; the more likely you are to resort to behaviours that might cause problems for others, which might even be the cause of the situation to begin with. Thus to solve any tense situation, bringing the affect level up is never a good strategy.

I get angry; you get angry; I get angry; you get angry; and on until someone gets seriously hurt.

When they did the same study [looking at brain activation when thinking about oneself vs Queen Elizabeth] with people with Asperger’s syndrome, [...], actually these people were using the Queen Elizabeth part of the brain when they were thinking about themselves as well. And that means it’s a little bit difficult to figure out--am I me, or am I you? So I need to think about it, to make it work.

That’s difficult for me to understand, I admit that. But I’m seeing it on my grandchildren, when they are below two-years of age; they can’t do it either. I can’t say me, or you, to a one and a half year old--I have to say grandpa. Don’t I? Because otherwise they won’t understand. And people with dementia; it’s the same thing. I can’t say me and you, I have to use names. And a lot of people we normally call autistic, they have this problem. A lot of young people, when they’re really stressed, they have the same problem. Have you ever seen two people fighting, and when you asked them what happened, they don’t know who started? Because they mix things up.

And with that, of course low arousal approaches become especially important. Controlling your affect when someone else is angry is damn difficult for everyone.

I keep thinking about this when it comes to online communication. In a face-to-face interaction, as stressful situation is contained in time very effectively. Online; on social media with its lack of any kind of temporal context, it just isn’t. It’s so easy to read a tweet that was posted a month ago and get affected by the anger from the past in your present. And then you are more likely to deal with it by venting, and suddenly there is no after. Online, we live in constant outrage. Constant high affect.

Mmm, okay first hit on google regarding affect contagion and social media is this:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/facebook-emotions-are-contagious/

The findings suggest that emotional contagion can occur in an online social network, even without face-to-face interaction between two people. "We show that simply failing to 'overhear' a friend’s emotional expression via Facebook is enough to buffer one from its effects," the authors wrote.

I mean, I don’t know what I’m talking about here. And I don’t want to imply that I think social media is bad, because in general I really don’t, I just want to understand what it does to me so that I can deal with it constructively.

Also--I find this funny:

Interestingly, the findings also challenge the idea that seeing the positive posts of others may have a negative impact on people by making them compare themselves against their friends. Instead, the researchers found that seeing positive posts in their feed prompted people to make more positive posts themselves.

Of course seeing that my friends are happy makes me happy.

And finally--

Restraints (TW police brutality)

Even when they restrain children, people think that they’re doing the best--and I think it’s just plain stupid. I’m sorry. Because it’s very, very dangerous. We have more than 150 documented restraint related deaths among children in the last 25 years--850 among adults. 80% of those had autism. 80%--why?

There was a policeman, he said: Uhh, but we do not decide how much force we need to use, it’s the person who does it. I said: How?

We continue until he gives in.

And autism is one of those things where we’re very very bad at giving in, isn’t it?

[screams into a pillow]

If you ever need another argument for why having an institution with a monopoly on violence is a fucking terrible idea--there you go. Everything the police are specially allowed to do (and thus implicitly encouraged to do) that sets them apart from other insitutions is what makes them terrible at their jobs.