#THE DAMN ADHD MEDS
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I KNEW IT
FUCK
#THE DAMN ADHD MEDS#YOU FUCKERFSSSSS#IM NOT SURE IF I ACTUALLY H A V E ADHD NOW I KIGHT JUST BE TAKING OPIODS#THERES A LOT OF THINGS HAPPENING IN MY BRAIN I THINK THE ADHD WAS A CATCHALL THAT WASNT A CATCHALL#when i got diagnosed it said i had it but idk if that’s cause i said i think i do or if they genuinely tested for it#cause now I’m thinking my symptoms were shit like not paying attention (autism and my inability to make myself do shit I don’t wanna do) and#not being able to do things (without having a reason to without having a routine) (also autism)#dam n#or I’m bullshitting it and I feel like shit cause I stayed up till one am looking at blinkies and moving shit around on my laptop#and then drawing a mta. for some reason#this sucks bro
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ough the adhd focus music shit really fuckin works once i get over the "need to start work" hurdle I just stood up not realizing 3 hours'd passed and feeling every negative effect at once
#this is also your alert to take a damn bio break#get food water use bathroom take meds stretch legs what have u#adhd
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So. I wasn't able to sleep AT ALL last night, to the point that I gave up and went out to the living room so I wouldn't wake up my partner with all my tossing and turning.
And, this has happened before. I figured it was the fun one two combo of insomnia and chronic pain, since my nerves were way worse than usual last night. But no.
NO.
I literally just now realized as i was looking at my pill caddy to take my ADHD meds this exhausting morning that, uh oh. They're not there! You know what is there??
MY CHRONIC PAIN MEDS
I SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT IN PAIN AND UNABLE TO SLEEP BECAUSE I WAS A DOOFUS AND TOOK THE WRONG MEDS LAST NIGHT
#jesus christ#i'm so fucking tired#and i can't evsn take today ofd from work because i'm already gonna be the only one on my team there today#weighing the options of not taking my adhd meds this morning now#pro taking meds: slight chance of a coherent thought happening today#con taking meds: there's a god damned shortage still and i'm already trying to make what i have last#motherfucker this kinda shit is why i have a pill caddy in the first place 😭
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i swear to god my dopamine receptors get more fried by the minute
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Me: Why can't I make myself just do things?
Also me: Because you have ADHD.
Me: Yeah I know, but WHY can't I just make myself do things?
Also me: Because you have ADHD.
Me: Yeah but WHY--
Also me: Because. You. Have. ADHD.
Me: But I need to do things! I WANT to do them! And I'm still not doing them!
Also: Yeah that's what ADHD is. And you have it.
Me: But--
Also me: Oh, shut up.
#every damn day#every damn hour tbh#can't take meds today sigh#adhd#adult adhd#come onnnn self you need to shower come ON MOVE IT#adhd plus long covid equals NOTHING#doing NOTHING EVER#hate it#argh
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Rizz Son
#english is beating my ass atm#i have to get the entire class done by the 25th#damn you adhd#makin me procrastinate#(i shouldve taken my med)#anyways i think that red son is absolute garbage at flirting unless its geavily planned#this was one of those times#ive been trying to draw mei recently and for sone reason i just cant do it#like bro i just wanna draw some dragonfruit let me draw you#idk whats fucking me up so badly when drawing her but i want it gone#long hair mk supremacy#my art#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#lmk mk#mk lego monkie kid#lmk red son#spicynoodles fanart#monkie kid spicynoodles#spicynoodleshipping#lmk spicynoodles
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I LOVE MY NEW ADHD MEDS I WAS ABLE TO FINISH MY LATE GERMAN HOMEWORK IN LIKE UNDER AN HOUR, COMPLETELY WILLINGLY, AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET DISTRACTED BY ANY DRAWING APPS OR SOCIAL MEDIA LIKE I DO UNMEDICATED (and did when i was on my old meds)!!!!!!!!
AAAAND I STILL WANT TO DO MY MORE RECENTLY ASSIGNED GERMAN HOMEWORK EVEN THO I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH DIRECTED WRITING SCENARIO WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am actually proud of my academic progress now!!! and i've only been on these meds for like. what. a week and a half? two weeks? this is magical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#i'm so glad i watched that jaidenanimations video. instant release pills work like a CHARM#i have to go to the nurses office every day before fifth period now but THAT'S OK because almost all my classes are in the same building!!!!#ALSO on parent's evening my english teacher said my most recent ruae was the best one she's seen and was a lot more focused than my others!!#which even tho i still only got 50% (i'm bad at structure) is GREAT btw because i hate ruae and i hated the sources we were given so YEAHHHH#ALSO ALSO for one of my classics assignments i was able to do TWO!!!!!!! points for my comparison question really quickly at the end of the—#—lesson (the rest was going to be homework) so I HAVE LESS TO COMPLETE TOMORROW#YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS#damn the adhd subreddits were right. adhd people on adhd meds just function slightly better and feel awesome about it#lmao#misia has a stupid thought
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*starts speaking animalise* (translation: would you guys want a peach?)
#mod tuna#ew fae au#eddsworld au#eddsworld fae au#by all accounts faeddsworld is on indefinite hiatus at the moment. all us mods are adults with lives#and having to do all the art myself was really taking a toll on me especially those damn comics? good lird#BUT I DO WANT TO COME BACK TO THIS BLOG SOMEDAY OK!!!!!!! once i get on adhd meds and figure out whats so wrong with me.#anyway i kept seeing this particular ask in my inbox every time i checked it and it just. it lives in my brain for no good reason. sorry.#please enjoyer image or whatevger. us mods say hi
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wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#tw vent#(in the following tags)#i am immeasurably stressed right now#i need to talk to my doctor about getting a booster to go along w/my adhd meds#bc this has been a problem for a while but i think it's about to come to a head#and i'm very scared for when that happens#maybe also talk to my school's disability services#bc Good Fucking God i'm already overwhelmed#it's 11:56. should i just go to bed? i have so many things left to do#when do i even have the time to go to disability services. and i've heard a lot of schools' processes w/that are slow and overcomplicated#fuck. fuck fuck fuckity fuck.#i think i'm spiraling#i'm worried that if i don't get a degree i won't be able to find a nice enough job to support myself independent of my family#and i don't want to be stuck with them forever#i really really don't#maybe i can talk to disability services sometime tomorrow morning. see what they can do#i think there's mental health services too. i hope they're decent#i just feel really bad right now. and it's only week one.#it feels like time's moving too fast but too slow at the same time#classes take forever but my free time zips by and runs out way too quick#and when it's gone i've completed maybe one or two things. out of several. if any at all.#i just don't know what to do. it's only been three days.#maybe i can drop a class; i think i'm taking enough to still be considered a full-time student with one less thing on my plate#i hope so#fucking damn it#how do people do this??? for multiple years????#and i feel selfish for saying this but i hope if y'all see this post you'll interact with it somehow. even just a like.#i want to know someone hears me
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i recently had to stop taking my adhd meds cause i think stimulants make my muscle pain worse 🫠
i’d already been struggling with keeping up with friends & conversations because i’ve been so sick and stressed, but damn this is now a nightmare. my brain is a sieve. i can’t remember anything! i’m struggling to stay on top of anything. aaaaah !!!!
i’m so sorry if i’ve ghosted anyone i promise it’s not personal or intentional ily
#damn . like i was struggling before! without my adhd meds i am just floating in a sea of brain fog#but i think stimulants cause my muscles to cramp more :(#my pain has been noticeably less bad since i stopped taking them#hmm.#darcey.txt
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Shocked and dismayed to discover that the medication I take to help with my symptoms actually helps with my symptoms and that therefore the reason I struggled so much with my symptoms yesterday may in fact have been because I did not take the medication that helps with my symptoms.
#also convincing my brain that we're not Catholic is an uphill battle for some reason#'it's not that bad we can manage without medication today' my brain in atheism it does not NEED to be 'that bad' to take the damn meds#also your perception of how bad it is is warped when you're off the damn meds#just work with me please#actually adhd
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I want some adhd meds for christmas. only some adhd meds will do
#to the tune of I want a hippopotamus for christmas of course#adhd is a bitch#so is American healthcare#like yeah this starts with a phone call I can’t make but what’s the point of making it if I can’t afford the appt#and the appt is just so I can get a referral which would then involve a second appt#and that second appt doesn’t guarantee the meds either like are you kidding me#I need these meds. why is it that every doctor that has told me hey you need these meds can’t prescribe the god damn meds#anyway. back to paper. or my cross stitch. or dinner. idk yet.#or I’ll keep doing fuck all I guess that’s an option#maybe I’ll write out a whole song for this bc I’ve been singing it to myself for at least a month
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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people#uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW#don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am#but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks#anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone#so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific#person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't#Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out#without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again#.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this#but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it#and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it#and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus#and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really#picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr#......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that#post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when#ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly#fuck#...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself#........sigh#....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise#won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise#................fuck. im going back to bed
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my psychiatrist was trying to explain that a lot of my depression and anxiety probably stems from my trying to force myself into a (neurotypical/allistic) mold that i wasn't made for and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and she listed elon musk and bill gates as my fellow autists and that made me cry harder
#mia.txt#i wasnt like crying bc i was diagnosed with ASD it was more just crying cause i cry all the time now and it was a cathartic session#oh i forgot to mention it but god i cant even describe the weird feeling of being told im actually autistic (UNPROMPTED)#after like. wondering for so many years but being too scared to bring it up to any psychiatrist#so i was just like well maybe i am or maybe i just have adhd. thats ok im not too worried about it :)#and then i was just like talking about my sensory issues being exacerbated by my meds#and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i#had been rocking back and forth the entire time. which i genuinely dont even notice anymore like i was like oh shit i sure am doing that#and she basically went through the whole questionnaire and was like has no one really ever brought up the possibility that you were#on the spectrum. because you definitely are#and i was like 🤷🏻♀️ idk! im not sure#but it was probably pretty damning that the one other time i had gotten tested he literally gave up bc the questions were too vague#oh but anyway like no that doesnt help actually 😔#i really don't think its shame-based like i KNOW im Different(TM) thats not shocking to me#but i do expend an insane amount of mental and emotional energy trying to be Normal and pretend i am not autistic#the masking that is causing me so much stress is the very thing that prevented me from being diagnosed earlier lmfaooo
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well the meds still work but now my fingerpads hurt from typing 💔
also just realized my adhd meds are functionally just ozempic cause of the appetite loss LMAO. especially when you consider how, like, i lost 20 pounds in the first three months on adhd meds, how i had to focus more on not ending up underweight rather than overweight for once, and how my appetite has never been the same since lmao. like, i knew that was bc of the constant lack of appetite for years, but realizing its basically makeshift ozempic really put that into perspective lol.
my healthy weight seems to be 120-130lbs (i'm a 5'1 irish american female for reference). im definitely overweight at 140 and underweight under 120, as i have learned from overworking myself while on meds 💀 (pounds MATTER when youre short bro weight shows easily when there's nowhere for it to go). im naturally pretty stocky so its crazy to me that i know multiple people around 5-5'2 that are healthy at like 110 lbs like WHAT where is your MEAT at if i was 110 i'd be fucking decaying 😭
anyways i just found this stuff interesting lol. boy is it fun to be an organism with a complex body when you're a huge biology nerd! i'm like a personal specimen that i can study 24/7
#also HEAVY on that 'underweight below 120' part bc my friends staged a damn intervention💀#i was super overworking myself cause i had a big test and a huge months-long project at the same time#so i was barely eating and barely sleeping for at least a week and apparently it showed💀#my face looked GAUNT to people apparently. WHAT#man those meds worked so well in my first year that was awesome#anyways i should probably tag ed triggers just in case right? yeah#this isnt about an eating disorder but its close enough#tw ed#tw weight#tw weightloss#adhd#adhd meds#concerta#adhd struggles#buzzing#buggie's nerd stuff
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When I complete a task and no one is around to see
#idk why but it’s so cute to see her do this in an empty stadium#also#this damn adhd med shortage is not it#took me an hour to make lunch
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