#THATS WHAT ITS AVOUT THATS WHAT ITS FUCKING ABOUT

[chalkodareal]

please lore dump ab ur tmbg au. i care.

LOLLLL funny to me u say... i got two other ppl asking for this exact thing soooo. well. um. non-losers look away now ig... my See The Constellation Au...

okay um. basic gist is that flansburgh is an astronomy student at some college in '92... doesnt really matter which. um. and late one night he ends up making brief contact with a constellation guy that, while he first connected him from sheer tired joking, he starts to like actually see (and hear the next night which is honestly freakier). the constellation is linnell obv though this is technically a little complicated

um. so he forms an insane connection with this constellation p much. initially theyre more curiousities to eachokther than actual FRIENDS but it very quickly becomes a friendship just. well honestly probably just bc flansburgh is bad at being professional....? its okay bro idbe freaking too

okay on the topic of flans seeing and hearing him its time to explain this umm. i dont wanna pull something lame and say "oh hes just imagining the constellation LOL" bc thats not whats happening but the constellation is vry much shaped by his psyche. ultimately the constellation is sort of just a sentient chunk of the stars but flansburghs mind has sort of given him an actual form??? if this makes sense??? to everyone ekse hes invisible p much but he and flans share an astral link of some sort. freakssss.... um. but p much hes very much real he just pulls from flansburghs concious to give more understandable form to himself.

flansburgh mental and social state very much ends up deteriorating over the course of the au sorta... its not that hes like. acting crazy he just stops waking up at normal times and talking to actual people less and less. he kind of yearns to be able to have real communication with the constellation outside of the sky and that. weighs on him. i wont bury the lead ill just say see the constellation is probably a song avout killing yourself.

again on their relationship it very quickly turns into something casual as opposed to any sort of REAL research. flansburgh had a lot of questions about what gives the constellation life and how he moves early on but apon being given the chance to bitch about going to colkege uhhh yeah. hes doing that. the constellation isnt completely clueless on human culture actually hes seen a lot of it but probably just doesnt understand certain finer aspects.

okay other thing to say. linnell is also just a real fucking guy in this au and i havent mentioned it until now bc it can get confusing. PRETTY MUCH. he abd flans were really good friends in highschool but insteah of ever going off and starting a band together they just drifted apart. the constellation looks and sounds a lot like linnell (to the most recent of his memory, likely a few mundanes tapes he was able to snag) but ultimately is not actually linked to him. even flansburgh doesnt really realize the similarity until he ends up finally seeing linnell again for a while on the train. he got a job working for one, and because its an overnight ride on obe of those old fashioned ones just because i think they look cool, they end up chatting a bit. feel the need to say flansburgh is a lot less shaken by this than he really should be... like even the constellation is asking about that guy that bears a strangely apt resemblance to him.

um. short of the au is this timeine ig

1. flansburgh resents his astronomy studies

2. flansburgh meets constellation for first time

3. flans develops constellation friendship

4. flansburgh begins ditching certain more um. applicable stidies just to reasearch and understand this guy

5. as they continue to grow closer and more isolated flansburgh takes a long train ride back home, meeting linnell briefly and promicing to really get back to him this time (the mail address sits unused atop a stack of frantic sketches and half finished papers)

6. this guy starts like actually seriously yearning for the constellation to be a real human guy

7. through an offhanded comment of the constellations, flansburgh is lead to believe after around 11 months of contact with the constellation that there is infact a way to be with him in the sky which no is NOT a good deal but hes a little desperate and honestly living off college student money

8. i lay my head on the railroad tracks

it sounds like tragic yaoi this way but i assure you not only is it not YAOI.its not that tragic okayyyyy

other tidbits i cant fit other places hrm.... flansburgh was like incredibly social before all this. like he wasnt already a little introverted he straight up threw college parties. the constellation has communication with other parts of the sky and is not well liked for only having one fucking guy that gaf about him... um. to the stars constellations are honestly a huge thing because the expression of human expirience and guidance onto them is like a massive gesture of love and its part of why the constellation likes flans so much. becahse of this he ceases to exist in a major way after flansburgh is gone. and last but not least. robin MIGHT b here. im still thinking about it...

( @spyjam24 since u asked too... )

[coredrill]

my ranking of trigger anime at this point is “how close does this come to replicating the feeling i get while watching promare”

[theflowerisblue]

The girl squad + Aaron | Dinsdag 10:10

Bonus

[kawaiianimeredhead]

Idk I don't know a lot of things and I will freely admit that but if your child is stealing food and Eating said food right afterward I really just feel like there has got to be a lot more going on with that besides the label of him "misbehaving"

Yeah that's sure not a good thing for him to do especially when it including unlocking a window and a door but it just concerns me

[ilajue]

i think habing an eyepatch would be cool i want to be a purate good eth ing im not a cyclopse because then it would make me blind lol krinios can never be a pirate they just started using hethey pronouns thats oretty cool i know peolem put theor pronouns in theur location on twt but my location has heen eeby deeby so long that ove gotten attached and i dont want to change it plus id knt want peopke to refer to me and also i pick fights with elons wierd nerda on twt enough that ut woukd be easy qmmo for them i dont thibk not having labled pronouns makes me a bad person its just not somthibg i want because im kinda figuring out gender rn yk i feel pressured to di ut because i want to nake trans peopke feel safe but also it doesnt seem like that big of a deal but akso i dobt want peolle to send ne hate because even tho it doenst rky bother me ut is uncomfy to delete death threats from your dms whixg is what i did today but mf also xalled me slurs publically so hes been blicked and reported. peolle rly go so far to defend their investments on twt the crypro community is fucking insane imagine getting so pissed off that some kid is making fun of your waifu muskrat and your favorite cryptocurrency "cummies" that you harrass them for an hour wuth death threats lol no life anywyas one experience i will never forget is one time in 6th grade it was 3am and a car drove past my house playibg loud mucic but it wasnt party kusoc or anything it was eliza hamilton singing burn wtf why where thy ey pumping that i remember being excited at the time becaud ei really liked hamilton but looking bqck that dhitd confusing i like hamolton i thinkbthat thr music is good but lin manuel mirands voice irritates me and also some parts of that play where pretty racist plus the setting of the play was also not gold for poc extras i think i saw a testemony from an extra about it i was gonna read but it was long ajd i got distracted. becaus of that i try not to listen to the musoc on spotify but also at the end of the day im onky one perskn and a spotify stream is like a quarter of a cent and also even if i was listening on youtube im still givong profut to yoytube and whatever fucked up company thats advertizing their child labor made products to me bro if we had no child labor laws today thry would absoltuley never be put in place. i want a motorcycle because i think i would look cool but also i dont want to get hit by a car yk why do peopke want to pee when they gear rubnibg water whats the wvolutionary benfit to that like did monkes see water abd be like yah i want to contaminate thzt so bad. also why isnt there a shit version of that how come we dont have a sound that induces shit like the brown note i liked that epidode of south park it was the first episode i saw and it was funny but i saw it with my dad and he taljied about the revolutionary animation of southpark and how it was super techbologicakky advaced fot thr time and i didnt pay attention vecaue i didnt care but south park is cool i dont trust peolle who say its their favorite show tho vecause thry are probobly very bad at picking up on the sarvasm of it yk the song in southpark movir got nominated for the song version of the oscars and the three dude crators got incredibly high as showed up in dresses they walked so thst harry styles could run the song was avout hating canada it sgould have won also the guy in the pibk dress looks good he kinda popped off look up the pictures anyways damn bro its betime i dont thy ink anyone read this :]

[notfergusmom]

a big rant of a whiny teen full of grammar mistakes and improper or no punctuation whatsoever so please move on

im finally fucking learning that bottling up my emotions is bad at 17 and after a long talk with a my friend where i broke dowm crying for hours, every little thing makes me mad or sad i end up thinking about for days and crying about on more than one occasion-WHICH FUCKING SUCKS. but dont get me even started on showing rhose emosions infront of my mom, in defence of my mom i was a pretty happy kid for most of my life so to suddenly have not be that is getting her frustrated. she keeps trying to find out what is going with me and i tried explaining it to her once but it still frustrates her and still try to know whats making me that way and trying ro asses if thats worth being mad about or crying about or not. i fucking know its not worth crying ovef that shit and i sont want to hear it from her so i dont tell her. its like those tantrums and confusing feeling/literaly fucking every thing that u r supposed to have at 13 or 14 and u r supposed to let it bubble out of u or feel frustrated or complain or literaly anything man. but nope. i did complqin about stuff, but they werent my own problems, or got angry about some things but i usually just kept it inside. i remember having this normal converaation with mom that quickly escalated to an argument and she started shouting. i remeber feeling so. fucking. livid. i remeber seeing red and i know i was on the right to this day. but i never shouted at her or raised my voice i just clenched my teeth and my hands and said a few thing in a way that i felt i was gonna compust in any moment. and that was that. i never actually did anything to let out that anger i just sat fuming for a second and then distracted my self. distraction was a big part of my teen years bevause i made 8t so. and im trying not to distract myself whenever i feel anything but that just makes whatever im feeling 10 times more there and that in itseld is so fucking frustrating i hate it so much cause i dont want to cry about mom buying me a shirt that i did not like for days and i dont want to be angry, which usually of course end up in me cry8ng because i dont usually have dry anger, bevause my brother got the leftovers but i planed on taking them or my friend forgot avout our plans and ended up having another plan all together. they are so fucking pointless and stuff not worth crying on and that frustration and a bit of guilt, because i have no right to be mad at those people who never actually intened to hurt me in any way, makes me cry harder or the feeling itself doubles even more. and i dont have enough times to process anything or work through my feelings bevause my mom saw that im upset and wanted to check on me every half an hour or so and if she actually did see me crying she would want to sit down with and wabt ro know why am i even crying and there goes the fucking circle taht i ah e created in a couple of months.

what i hate even more is when my mom tries to cheer me up by saying yes to something she previously said no about because i feel like im manipulating her and its fine i dont even want the item anymore anf it sucks ass. i dont wanna start going theough my teen "phase" right when i have a year to become an adult

[queencryo]

i had a lot of fun at the con! i dressed fem-y all time, cuz i felt comfy-ish and safe doin so. it was fun! talked to interesting people. met an older trans woman and hung out w her for a few hours; she seems kind of. real open about her sex life and stuff, and possibly not my first choice for a friend? but then, i think she wad like thirty. invited her to the trans club anyway, since its good for people to have a community of people who support them, and the local gay community seems to... not be doing that for her. this also marks the second time in recent memory ive been walking with @oboeist3 , saw a person with a trait i share, and latched onto them for a while; hi @the-fluffybee !!!! it was super cool seeing you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry i didnt recognize u at first lol).

i did not get harassed or transphobia'd, which seems like i was maybe an outlier in that respect :c. i hate men a lot. but im glad i wasnt harassed, thats nice. id prefer such happen to me rather than other ppl tho; i can handle it and me being hurt is much better than others being so.

oh also i hate cis men so fucking much, the curremt genre i hate most is greasy nerd boys who have newly found people who dont hatw them and thusly become overconfident and think theyre very cool and are so annoying. god i jate cis men (got overstimulated at this event, mostly bc of loud cis berd boys). also they have shitty waifus and they have shitty tastes. they shouldnt be abllowed to have fetishes.

but i bought a bunch of neat knickknacks and presented female in public in my texna hometown??? so like. yay. thats a mileatone, im currently reakizing! never fone that before lmao.

ummm i also like public sleaking when i know what im doing or bullshitting. i love being a partially-funny little bitch ; presented an anime pitch for an isekai abiut a very hot busineszman who is instnalty killed by a giant spider. the anime is then a slice of life about that spider.

im now TIRED.

also i bought a bunch of knickknacks.

also i got real drunk for the first time last night, that was kidna fun? i should prolly try it again sometime when i am not like. hyper-tired lmao. oh also i love my friends, they are sweet and only made fun if me a lil bit for beibg a drunk nerd. i. actuakly dont remember much of that, beyond being dizzy and really wanting / trying to move to music but not beibg able to cuz dizzy. aalso i potentially made a mistake and Kissed the Girl, which i. told myself i wouldnt do for the time beibg but hey. (lit 2/3 people invomved follow me here. hi!). also i like. probably dont remember much bc i passed out on the floor p early iirc. in a tired way not an overdrunk way. hangovers arent pleasant lol.

oh also i saw oboeist like 3 times, complimented their cosplay to a friend and considered sending a picture to oboeist, and even tried to compliment their hat (i dont think they heard me lol), but i still didnt notice it was them until they realized i was me, lmao.

i kinda wanna cosplay the next one i go to, but... woild meed to figure out smth to cosplay as (mei would kill me lmao. maybe smth simple...). hm... maybe ill think avout that later. was talk of going to a con later this year, maybe that will actually ckme to pass.

[gibbearish]

Ha! Ha ga! Hahaha! H!a ha!

[0712999]

So first id like to state the date, right now its friday, 4.3.2022.g.

Im starting to get my life back together and im having a lot on my mind. Ill be talking about the things that are bothering me and trying to figure out what can i do to make changes.

I feel like im still a teenager in my head but i am an actual adult. A human thats all grown up and understands how the world works. An adult is mature and knows how to handle tough situations, easily maneuvers throught social signals and knows how to read the room.

Now from the previous problems ive encountered throught my teenage life is the social side. Ive always been closed off and dont know how to handle a normal conversation because ive never put myself in a social setting where i can push my boundaries and acutally grow. Being surrounded by other people during my youth could have helped me read the room and actually break my own walls but since i never acutally did those things my social life is dead now. I have no real friends. Its honestly embarrassing but at the same time its already been two years since the death that i dont really feel that sad about it. I feel numb. Thats what im telling myself but as i wrote this my eyes teared up for a second. So obviously its bothering me. I dont want to die alone.

Adding to the topic, im always surrounded by older people who have lived their lives, started families, are retired etc. Im still a young adult i still have to find a job, i have to learn from my own experiences and not from other's stories. I have to start my own family i have to have my own social circle my age. I cant keep dependinv on olde people to take care of me and gice me money. I cant expect crom them to fight for me.

I have to find a job and make my own income, i have to make my own life. Life isnt sunshine and rainbows its tought. Its always been like that but ive been living in my own perfect buble where everything is perfect and ready for me at the table.

I cant run away from every minor inconvenience. I have to protect myself from the world and lear to deal with thing on my own. People dont really care about my pitty sories it just makes me look more miserable. I have to take responsibility on the way i make other people feel. Build relationshps.

Yeah i will fail doing those things but the more i fail the more i will learn. Northing is ranbows and daisies. Just stop its not the end of the world if i fail once.

Which bring me to the second topic.

My grades, actually its not just about grades but avout my whole academic experience. Grades show how much a person is capable of handling tought tasks, and i thing that these bad grades that i got are good indicators of my mental state in the past sememster. Yeah i didnt care. I didnt care because ive always got everything ive wanted i alway excelled at art. But you know what if you do nothing you wont improve omg a wake up call.

I have to work, i have to prove to others and most importantly to myself that i can handle the real world. Im an aduld. I know growth cant happen without work. Relationships cant grow without work. My brain power and memory cant improve without work. My addiction cant improve without work. My body and health cant improve without work. My hair wornt change withut work

Nothing will change if i dont change it.

I cant just fucking think about the things i want without actually making an effort to make changes.

Wake tf up

Next few moths ill have to post my final work.

Do i really want to be and artist or am i doing it because its easy for me?

I know younger me wanted for me at age 22 to be smart and capable enough to figure this sh out. So im figuring it out rn.

Yes i do love art. I enjoy it.

But do i really want to be a teacher? Low income and annoying narcissistic people? Childish not realistic view on the world? Is this really what i want? Yeah it sounds fun but who is gonna pay the bills? Yeah you can make an income as an teaches but really?

Do you really wan this?

What parts of the field make the most money?

I know i have expensive taste, its not easy seeing all the doctors my age doing their best in the field and being smart and healthy and having meaningful relationships. It makes me thing about how much i fucked up in life. I avoided everything because i always pretended i dont care. But i do cafe. Of course it fucking hurts the fact that im an adult and im still in fucking art academy smearing on paint and crying bout my past. When i couldve listened to my friend and actually tell her whats bothering me insted of escaping cause im ashamed.

And theres the third point my looks

My fucking looks i look like a fucking child. Its fucking frustrating and it doesnt help the fact that im all ugly and my face is fucked up. Like yeah girls told me im pretty but half of them told me im ugly. Few guys gooked up with me vut is it because i was easy or am i actually pretty. I guess im average but only God knows.

Also life update: just in case i read this in the future. Im at my grandmas house shes poor so im moving to my dads, yeah its gonna be tough at my dads house vut thats part of life

Main focus: move out, get a job, be serious about your carieer this isnt a joke

[minijenn]

☕️The people who created Gravity Falls don't understand why Dipper is great and he deserved better than what he got.

*slams.my.fist down on the table and prepares to go on a rant about this* YESSSSSSS ok but like this isnt just a rhing that pisses me off about the GF crew either this is also a point of frustration avout the GF fandom for me as a whole like everyones always talking about how Mabel is the absolute best thing ever and yes i do appreciate and love her very much but GOD DAMN no one in thia fucking fandom has any respect for Dipper and that PISSES ME OFF cause he was thw goddamn main character but for some reason not the fan favorite character which i dont get because the kid is just so goddamn LIKABLE (imo more likable and relatable than Mabel and her cloud cuckoolander tendencies) but everyone either forgets about him kr shoves him off to the side and BOTH the crew of gf and the fandom does this shit and it MAKES ME FUCKIN MAD cause Dipper is like legit onw of my favorite fictional characters in anything and its not fucking fair thathe doesnt get more respect and love and I just fucking went off cause im about to pass out from sleep meds so bye yall thats my essay/rant for the night ugh dammit i hate this fucking fandom

[stressed-fan-photography]

Genuinely havent eaten properly since I was 3. That sounds dumb etc but thats 100% the truth. Its stunted my growth which is probably the only reason I'm a slightly healthy weight - I'm right on the edge of my BMI scale. Only just healthy. But yea, if you look at me compared to my family, you'd question how I lived in the same house. They're all a decent weight, if slightly over.

Honestly I'm pretty sure I used to be slightly anorexic, and I swear I'm not making that up. I would refuse to eat for days on end and I was always self conscious. And looking at my habits now, I still fall back into that mindset, although sometimes I am able to pull myself out of it. Literally today I kept saying I wasn't hungry but I ginally had a bit of food around 4pm-ish cause I realised what I was doung. Although now I feel a little sick. But yea, I haven't eaten for the past 2 days. I frequently go through these periods still, but the 'best' part is I don't get hungry. When I was about 5 I refused to eat for a week straight and it has carried on 11 years later. I'm 16 now, the smallest person in my year, the thinnest person in my year and yet I still think I'm fat. I still try and starve myself or at least eat as little as I can. When I do get hungry I eat bags of iceberg lettuce cause that has practically no calories.

I know this isn't healthy. But by now, this is all I've ever known. For 13 years I have not eaten properly, being body-concious before I even knew what that was.

It wasn't my family. They're not too bothered avout weight. But I don't know what set me off. Although I do know it was when I was in hospital for dehydration after a bad illness that it began.

Luckily tho, I do get days where I just want to binge. I don't proper binge eat, like eat til im gonna puke, but I eat more than normal, I'll pack myself with calories on that day, probably once a month at most, and that will be the best nutrients I get for a while. Those days are probably the reason I'm considered a healthy weight.

Come to think of it, it was after a binge day I did my BMI...

Anyway, it is a serious fucking problem. My story sounds pretty made up and messed up, but I promise you it's true. And I'm not trying to garner attention or sympathy, I'm just putting it out there that 3yos can be fucking self conscious. They can want to lose weight, without knowing what it means or why. They can starve themselves etc. It's not for liek over 10s or the like like some people claim. It's when the person decides, not society. So if your child stops eating so much, don't write it off as going through a 'picky phase' or the like like my family did. Try to help them eat more. Introduce them to new foods, try packing their meals with calories so they are okay. I now refuse to eat new foods because I don't know anything about it, how it could affect my weight. Thats from 13 years of being body conscious. So don't ignore a problem and write it off as something easier. Take care with the situation and try to help in any way possible. Please.

reblog this if you started worrying about your weight before you were 16

[strawberryspeachy]

I wonder if im about to get fired again

Last year i got fired because a teacher who acted like he wanted to be my friend hated when I reciprocated that want.

Ive worked with about 55 other teachers since him and none of them

Ask about my weekend every week. Ask about my friends. Ask about my personal life. Stare at me in the office. Lean over me and touch me. Come look through my folder that im holding to just point out the paper im looking for (they just offer me a new one if they think i dont have it)

But. I was totally stalking him. And got fired.

Now im working at 2 schools

One with 4/5 horrible teachers

The other with 4/5 wonderful teachers

At the horrible teacher school one has been (and i dont say this about people often. Actually ever. I assume ppl hate me... but this woman has bee - well)

K so i made a newsletter for the schools. The good school put it out for the students and that was that. The bad school told me i could distribute it. So i asked this teacher where

She took me into the hallway and showed me a board. She told me to put the papers on those walls. And then she gave me pins. So i did.

Then she told my company i put papers up without permission

Ive worn the same clothes to all 7 schools ive worked at plus two camps. Never got a complaint. Until now. She complained about my skirt and socks

She said in a fly away statement when i started that because were teachers we cant travel because of corona and must stay home - it irriated me because i clearly understood that she was telling me that i need to stay home when im not working. Fuck that! But i just agreed with her. Her first question after my summer break was “you had a long vacation, did you go anywhere”

She asked in a happy voice - pretending that was wanted to hear about something exciting. But. Bitch i have a good memory. I told her i mostly stayed home and only went to a nearby town.

K so like. Thing is. She knows im probably lying (cause im young and not from this country. No one would stay home for a month) so the way she responded was kinda pissed off that she cant prove me wrong or report me or anything - then in the middle of class she asked about my housemates

1) i have no control over them

2) your first question was already invasive and this is stupid

3) youve asked me a question that i cant answer correctly. If i say i dont know youll say i might have corona because my housemates probably brought it home. If i say they went out - same thing. If i say they stayed home - another obvious lie. I told her that they are all students and had class so I think they were home. Again. She was annoyed by this answer

She constantly makes side remarks about “foregners”

She wont translate the questions that students ask her to ask me - and when i understand them and answer she acts flustered and annoyed

Shes bad at english and writes shit incorrectly - gives it to me to cold read - then gets mad when i trip over shit thats written incorrectly

She changed the song early last month because I liked it

She talks to me like im a clown hindering the class - walking over and telling me (a person standing quietly waiting for instruction) that now the students must study - the way a parent would tell a 7 year old not to bother the sleeping dog.

I TRIED to have a normal conversation with her because she seemed to be trying and i felt bad. She said it was hot and cold off and on and told me what temperature it would he the next day in celcius. I just said oh. And felt the tention. So i tried to ease it by chuckling and telling her “sorry. You know how america uses Fahrenheit? I dont really understand celcius.” She immediately —- wait hold on

This school makes us write down our temperature in the morning as though that does ANYTHING to stop corona - they dont even check - she harrassed me upon walking in the door to WRITE DOWN MY TEMPERATURE

—- k so no. No easy conversation. She immediately got serious and went how do you understand celcius for your body temperate then??? I told her i convert it.

A couple periods late she inturrupted another teacher talking to me about class and stopped me from going to class to ask me ‘if you dont know celcius how do you write your temperature down in the morning?!?’’ I told her i have a japanese thermometer and just write down what it says. Then she tried to play if off and chuckled like - oh ha i was just wondering. Whats the difference (her face was like enraged before that btw) she asked what the average temperature in Fahrenheit is and i quickly spit out 98.6 while grabbing my book to leave for the class i was now running late for

Shes full on feuding with a boy who “CANT SPEAK JAPANESE” and is “NOT JAPANESE” she tried not to bitch but also bitch about him to me - through this i learned that his mom is Australian. He was born in Japan. Also if her english didnt suck so much she would know that hes not fluent in english

She like the other teachers ask me questions that they dont want answers to. And sometimes is not even just - i wanna write this sentence wrong - does it make sense

No. It doesnt (correct answer- anything you write is correct. Dont worry. Dont ask me. Your perfect)

A couple weeks ago she told me that the song the other teacher chose is a japanese song that was translated into english. She asked it its gramattically correct. I told her that songs dont need to be grammatically correct so its fine. Then she asked me if it makes sense. I told her that its a bit vague but its fine.

She didnt know what vague meant. She asked me to write it down so she could look it up later. Not sure how she took that as an insult but Im sure she did.

And the song is vague. Id figured out that it was a song that was either written for a weird tv show or translated from something else before she even told me

Shes always late for class. She doesnt even leave for class until the bell rings. If she walks in and i was talking with the students - she looks highly uncomfortable - so ive stopped talking to them before she arrives

She wont let them ask me questions. Only her (these past two points go for the other crappy teachers too)

She cant make up her mind whether she wants me to say hello first or her. She cant make up her mind on what she wants me to read or whether she wants me to stop at commas or read full paragraphs or what - and she gets annoyed when i cant read her mind avout it —the others do this too

She reads sentences she wrote (incorrectly) out loud even more wrong - but apparently (going from her face) even though she doesnt know the word for fucking SENTENCES - and calls them “englishes” she heard me add the s to a word that should have been plural but she wrote as singular. She never says the fucking plurals or adds them where they shouldnt - but of course she heard my quick slip of adding an s onto a fucking word

- which really just shows thats she pays way more attention trying to find me doing something wrong than literally ANYTHING ELSE she does

Theres more. Im tired. And so very stressed. Tomorrow i have a meeting after school which i told my company rhat if they want my time they should pay me for it and told them theyre welcome to come to my schools (the one i like and normally can he stress free and get home early from) station

They made up bs as to why they can pay others but not me but did say theyre gonna come to the station

Last tome with the fucking “hanging stuff up without permission” i was of couse told i was in the wrong (BECAUSE JAPANESE CAN DO NO WRONG) and forced to say that i need to communicate better 3 times

Howd i start this? Watch me get fired? Yea i was fired on like the 23rd last year. Watch me get fucking fired again - for again. One racist ass peice of shit teacher

“Well you just gotta suck it up and accept where you are on the food chain” k look. Do you know how much easier and less stressed id be if i was able to do that?! I just. CANT ok. I refuse to think that i am less of a person than any other person. People can treat me that wat and do all they want. But i refuse to think that i am lesser. I am a person. And if i have to respect them they should respect me. Its a reciprocal fucking thing i cant fucking kiss ass

I lived in a house with a woman who wanted me to kiss her ass - and i basically chose not to be treated like a dormat and pike she was my lord. And thus got mentally and emptionally abused for 24 years.

I cant fucking kiss ass. I can be polite. But i cant kiss fucking ass dude. I just cant

[anipwrites]

okay its 1:30 am so i’m gonna vent.

next week, aka The Time All Free TIme Ends. Next week volleyball practice becomes DAILY because tryouts and Team Building (TM). So i’m gonna have to be there every day from 3-6 pm. during those free days I have to read 2 summer reading books and do 2 self-portraits for AP Art class. aka no time to write or draw what I want probs

then I’m gonna go on “”””Vacation””” from the 3rd to the 10th. “”””VACATION””” meaning “hey we’re gonna tour like 3 colleges and then stay in a college town a few days because its NEar A Beach(TM) and we can Go To The Mall(TM) and Stay In A Hotel(TM) for A Few (2) Extra Days(TM). which, yes, I’m happy to finally be leaving the house to go do something that DOESNT involve dealing with several family members and staying at their houses, which usually arent very clean anyways. but is it really a vacation if most of it is going to be spent touring colleges, forcing me to try and decide what I want to do for the rest of my life, and the days that arent going to have me physically in a college are going to be my mom asking e “so which one did you like the best? is xyz still your favorite, wat do you like or dislike avout xyz” while I’m SUPPOSED to be trying to relax???

School starts on the 14th. what traces of free time I had are going to end. and, of course, thats probably going to be the instant I Suddenly Realize What I Need TO DO In Every Single Story I’ve Been Trying To Write All Summer (TM)(TM) but i wont have any time because its my senior year at a college prep school so im expected to go to all the dances and take 6+ APs but make sure I’m Having A Good Time because these are going to be the Best Years Of My Life And When I Grow Up I Will Miss These Days When THings Were Easy Even THough I’m Stuck IN A Pit of Depression THat Might NOt Be Depression Because No ONe Takes Me Seriously Enough To COnsider Taking ME to a Fucking Doctor Or Something And Tumblr Doesnt Consider SOmeone As Having Depression Until Theyre Diagnosed Or Suicidal Otherwise You Are Faking(TM) And My Family Has Just Enough Money So That I Have “NO Reason(TM)(TM)(TM)” to Be Depressed BEcase I Have Food And Water And Shelter And Clothes And My Family Can Scrounge Up Enough MOney TO Buy Me A Tablet After A Few Months So What Is There To Be Upset ABout You Ungrateful Prick (TM)(TM)(TM). if these are the Best Years Of My Life i dont wanna see whaty college and Adult Life(TM) is gonna be like. 

ugh. no one cares anyways.

[asalegend]

Note to self.

This is a note to myself. About her. About Martha. God Damn, it hurts. Y'all have no idea. Let me tell you this story from the beginning dumb ass. So that when you do doubt it, you remember everything. You met Martha in March, while all that’s dumb shit down there with Mel and natalie and even Naomi was going on. And you liked her since then. There was something about it and you just didnt know what it was. And she liked you, and you knew it after that day she kissed you goodbye. And from there it happened. You took her to the movies and for ice cream. Then you took her for wings 3 days later on was an actual date, where you both knew you were interested and you both were already invested. And it was super fun, and amazing ( side note, she fucked some random dude that night after she told you she was Home and asleep… But you found that out later) and thats how it went. On september 23rd, y'all had a real ass date, and you lost your virginity to her, and that might not sound important now, vut remember that it was super important to you Then. Remember that she told you she would only be with you exclusively if you had sex with her, even though you were technically a couple. Dont you ever forget that she literally, fucken forced you to have sex. That she threatened with pretty much cheating on you .Then she spend 3 days living with you at home while your family was out. And You both had a huge fight about Monica, and what she meant to you. And she wanted to break up with you, and incase your worthless ass forgot. You got on your knees and begged her to stay, and you told her you would never lie to her again. And guess what bro, you didnt. Not about important stuff. Not about being loyal to her. Not about how much you fucken loved her, and I’m proud of you for that, and you should be too. And remember that same fucken night, some girl text you. Asking your for dick pics and sending you fucken pictures so you’d go fuck her. And yeah nigga you were tempted as fuck, and yeah nigga you texted back. But then it hit you, the time you had just spent with Martha, and how amazing that felt. And how incredible she was with you. And you sent that bitch a text that said you had a girlfriend, and you loved her (even if you hadnt told her yet) the next weekend, was pricillas birthday/Halloween, y'all went out to tipsy, and Martha got fucken hammered. So hammered that she couldnt go home. So you called your mom and begged her to let Martha stay. You told her youd sleep on the couch or whatever. And that night, Martha told you how much she loved you, and how by not telling her you love her you were hurting her. And you realized what your fear had done to you, so you decided to deal with it. You both fell asleep and that morning you looked at her and said “Martha, tu eres mi Amor…. Te amo mi Vida” and you meant it. You meant it more that you meant it when you said it to larissa or Naomi. And things were going good, you had broken up with her over dumb shit, but the next day you were back together. And you realized that you were in a real relationship, so you became and adult about it. But she always held that against you, even if she had broken up with you because you lent her 20 bucks and was petty. Then one day, while you were in the car and she was having a panic attack she took it out on you. She told you that She could cheat on you whenever she wanted, she bragged about all the guys who hit her up, and how she could fuck one whenever. She told you that you would never fucken know if She did it too( she knew since day one…, what Naomi and larissa had done to you)…. She made you shake in fear, she made you beg her never to cheat…. She broke you emotionally… Then laughed and said to never break up with her over dumb shit again…. She thought it was a joke…. Exploiting your fears and insecurities. Then, it was holiday time… And terry slammed you with hours cause you were kicking ass… And she was slammed with hours… And you started to notice how much she like jose…. How she always said he was super cute and how shed get weak in the knees…. And you tried explaing to her that stuff was avout to get tough. You were working 22 hours a week at pho. 30 at LC and going to 4 classes in the mornings…. And she was working 40+ and getting out at 10pm. You didnt have time to work out or anything. And what little time you had, you gave to her, and all she wanted… It seemed was sex… But you were tired… Your were stressed…. You were exhausted…. And uncomfortable with how much she Needed it… You wanted a hug and she just wanted to fuck. So, you were going soft…. And she made fun of you because if it…. And she made it worse. Then, the second week of December she went with you to the lc party… And you never loved her more. You bought matching sweaters, and you were so deeply inlove with her, you thanked god ever day for blessing you with her in your fucken life… And a few days later, she went to her party, wearing your sweater. She told you “nilda said no couple baby, sunny is gonna give me a ride back, I wont drink ok” and you dropped her off… And you we’re worried… You could feel something was wrong… Very wrong…, you didn’t sleep that night, and she kept sending you pictures…. Telling you what she was doing… And the next day, she showed up at work, that moring she told you she left her phone in Jose’s car…. But, you thought sunny was giving her a ride. And that day she fought with you, and complained and tried pushing you to leave her…. And you could feel it in you soul that she did something…. Then you kept going. But things were different… She didnt care about you the same anymore… Fast forward past xmas (which was amazing tbh, she spent it with you and gave you great presents.., and you gave her everything she wanted) and your taking off xmas lights. Martha is complaining about how she’s itch and had a rash. Then has sex with you like its nothing( btw, her and jose were still besties here. Dont forget that)….. A few days later, you get a call to work, its her crying… She has hpv… (She knew that rash wasnt normal…. Yet, she still did it with you) and there goes your life…. 3 days later, its your birthday.you have an incredible time at LC, and when you pick her up she looks amazing, and she gives you a big gift she made, the basket…. And it almost made you cry… Because it was beautiful… And she got fucked up at your party….she insulted your mother and embarrassed you infront of your friends… But that wasnt the worst part… That night, you laid her down to bed and you saw her phone. And you knew…. You knew you had to check it, your heart was screaming it….. And whatd you find out…. She cheated on you… Tge night of her party, she fucked jose. And she was bragging about it to alex, she even sent her pictures of him and went off about how good it felt, how many times she came how big (or small in this case… That’s the only win you got that night) he was. And you woke her up, you confonted her about it. And she got violent, she pushed you and punched your and scratched you begging you to stay… And all you felt was cold and emptiness. And you took her to work the next day and disappeared. A few days later, she had her LEEP and texted you, and you stood by her that day even though you were hurt. And she went and saw you and you both talked… And you put your pride aside and got back with her, no matter how much it fucken hurt, no matter how much your friends and family saw you suffer and tried helping you…, because you loved her. But she started to poison you, against your family. And she was selfish. But you stood by her during the hpv. You didnt leave her alone, you helped her and you helped her move her life foward, you did her taxes and helped her with school programs and her diet and everything she needed for her hpv. All while you bottled up the fact that you thought you were gonna die because she got you sick(your fine now thankfully, and the doctor cleared you and told you that it was super lucky)…. And then your family forced you to leave her, in their way. And you did, and she got violent again… But you were dying, everytime you saw her… You saw what she did… What she described to Alex…. You saw that she didnt love you…, and you left her there, the next day she left to San Antonio. You were fine for a month… Then in April she reached out to you, and you let her in. She was “different” and you went for it. But this Martha was selfish, this Martha made you do things for her, this martha tried turing you against your family. This Martha didn’t support you ever, this martha believed that it was your fault things went bad, because you told your family she cheated. She called you a coward for how you dealt with the pain she caused you. And she started tons of problems with you family through facebook…. This Martha, was the worst one…. This one… Abused your love and made you feel like the bad guy…. This Martha…. Was a monster. And then Angie came to town, and gave you the examples of how a couple fights together. Because at the moment, going to san Antonio for her birthday was going to be a huge mistake at home. You never had peace at home, and every day you fought with you family about her. And she wouldnt support you, she would leave you to burn. So you told her, you couldnt go with her for her birthday…, and she broke up with you. So you left. Until last week…. Last week, after 2 months of her texting you, you broke…. You reached out and told her how much you missed her. You explained that you were afraid to love her cause of how much she hurt you…. And she told you you were the only one still, and how much she loved you and how she only thought about you. But it was all lies dude…. She was fucking Justin, who was her best friends man and baby daddy. And she messed around with other too…. She didnt even last a month with out doing it…, and yeah, she came clean after she build you up with lies and made you hope again…. And then she broke you one more time…, the last time remember that. Because remember that you werw going to move in with her this time..,, that she was coming back to be with you…. Remember how much you were going to risk based on her lies…. Remember… That all this… Is why you cant love her.., and it’s why your not gonna send that text, or make that call…. Because this^ is enough pain… All this,.. Is not love….

[jungblue]

(1/?) ok so i thought i was friends with these two girls at my school and i sweared that they were almost like my two bff without remembering that i had a best friend outside at school and who treated me way better than they did i guess. so there was this girl who we will call 'jen' and this other that we will call 'sar' (not that i dont trust you or anything but just to make it short lol)

>> i’m going to put it under the cut since it’s quite long!

(2/?) so jen and i were friends since last year. we got kinda closed and stuff until i noticed that she kinda just wanted me to talk shit about people she was mad at and when she was good with that person, she stoped talking to me. if i recall it happened at least 6 times and i started to become aware of this until like the fouth time it happened. the last time it happened, it was probably at the begining of this year and we kind of like stopped talking for a moment?

(3/?) then there was sar, who i knew since last year and we barely talked and she was friends with a friend of mine called mary. mary and i used to hang out very often if i wasnt with jen, so when she changed to another school, i was kind of like put of friends because the other girls were bitches who treated me really bad the last year so i was left alone. so as days passed by, sara and i got very close for the short amount of time we were friends and the close we got,,,

(4/?) the more i found myself telling secrets that even my bff didnt know about. i told her stuff like my sexuality (which is something im not comfy talking about), crushes, my period and other personal stuff that i shouldnt tell anybody. jen and i continued being friends around the same time sar and i started our friendship. there were days where jen would talk shit about sar and there were days where sar would complain about how fake jen was. they would talk about each other behind their backs

(5/?) with me and i felt bad because not only did they didnt stop talking and gossiping around stuff that i really would care less but they also never let me talk about my stuff. and im not saying as if telling them stuff about the other but as in what makes me happy, what im interested on and my stuff that i felt as if i was being choked, you know? from all the lies and the gossips and about their lifes that i felt like that but never said anything. i never spoke back bc i felt that if i did

(6/?) and they knew i liked kpop, they knew avout my obsession with jeongguk and how much i loved him. it seemed as if everytime i wanted to talk about them or me, their faces fell and it was so hilarious. now, the point is that yesterday, when i looked for them in break and saw them on the school’s cafteria, i heard them whispering and giggling and kind of like glancing at me with another girl named meg. when i went to their table, they suddenly stopped talking and acted normal bc yeah i gues

(7/?) and today, they both sent me a text around the same time and told me somthung like this, “m/n, its not like we dont like you or anything but we think its better if we just stop talking, ok? we still wanna be friends with you-” they started to say bullshit and i went ahead and started to say stuff like, “i knew this was coming anyway. i never wanted to be friends with you two and i regret letting you be part of my life. enough is enough, here is where i draw the line and" 

(8/?) i dont want to be friends with people who are complete hipocrites and fake and people who dont deserve my sweet time. i give zero fucks about your bullshit and you can take your white gurl shit with you, i dont want you in my life again.” ok so, basically i said something similar to that, not that exagerated but similar. and yeah, i felt free for some reason and happy but now that i think about it, i dont have no one to be with? but i prefer to be alone rather than feeling choked, ya feel?

and thats it i guess? (8/8)

yeah this seems to be a lot of melodrama, but it’s good that you saw that and would rather not deal with it. but i understand the feeling of rather being alone than dealing with people / things that annoy you just for the sake of not being alone. personally i choose my friends, and even acquaintances pretty specifically bc i don’t really care for this type of situation that you were in with these girls. but again it’s good that you chose to stick get out of their gossipy circle since it bothered you so much!

[tumblunni]

...what the actual fuck. Dude i never clicked on the fuckin "WHY U SHOULD SUBSCRIBE TO PEWDIEPIE" video because i dont like fuckin pewdiepie's racist shit. Ok so apparantky it WASNT avout subscribing to pewdiepie i guess?? How the fuck was i meant to know? Am i menat to watch a whole multi hour livestream apparantly about a thing i dont want to watch, just to discover it wasnt really? And like shot man why would he even make that joke when he knows how many people pewdiepie offended...

This just showcases his other problem of turning everything into weird clickbait titles and game theory esque thumbnails so u have no damn clue what he's even making videos about anymore.

Also im sorry but what the fuck are you even talking about? The post about not liking a racist youtuber and being sad that your favourote youtuber took the side of the racist youtuber..is somehow racist...and somehoe more racist...and somehow we should forgive people for doing racist things they never apologised for yet not forgive people for..like..calling out a racist guy but not using Absolutely Perfect Non White Blaming Language during it? Seruously the only way i can understand any of that being read as racist is because they fuckin...said this guy who did the racist thing is white. I guess. Correct me if i've missed your point here?

Also dont get what is wrong with the "literal children" part. Its not insulting u calling u a child its just saying "children watch channels like pewdiepie so thats why its inportant for him to not say racist shit". Its really sad to see children defending him because they just genuinely dont understand the racist thing he did and they just see it as people being mean to a funny guy they like. He has a really big influencing factor on young people and while im not advocating any sort of "youtubers can never make adult jokes anymore because children" thing, i think when youre making a joke that SO RACIST EVEN YOUR ADULT AUDIENCE THINKS IT CROSSES THE LINE OF DARK HUMOUR INTO GENUINE OFFENSE, you should mayyyyyybe think a little about the bad influence its giving to the kids too.

Also seriously where is this alternate universe you live in where people supposedly crucify pewdiepie for 'minor mistakes'? Dude has already been forgiven by goddamn everyone despite not doing anythibg to change, and still gets huge publicity from other big name youtubers who make embarassing callout videos to their own fans for "not having a basic concept of respect" aka Being Sad When Someone Says Something Offensive And Asking Them To Stop. Have you seen markiplier's fuckin "respect" video he made when the last pewdiepie controversy happened? Thats his only statement he's ever made on the subject before this weird 'everyone should subscribe to pewdiepie' that apparantly wasnt a thing or whatever. All he's done before this is make an angry video about people daring to be upset at his friend doing a bad thing because Wah He's Famous Tho. If this was indeed a joke title for a charity livestream then WOW IT FAILED cos it mademe not even fuckin know he was doing a charity livestream and also want to unsubscribe. Great job. What was even the joke, anyway?

Also wtf "this man donates to charity so he gets a free pass to do whatever unrelated bad thing he wants"??? I dont see why pewdiepie donating to a charity somehow negates that he called someone the n-word online and made some random kids on Fiverr write antisemetic slurs on a piece of cardboard and hold it up to the camera just to see if theyd really do it. Like fuck, man.

People sharing that anti-game youtuber post that insults literally millions of people and huge swaths of society are assholes. People love YOU despite the absolutely WORTHLESS things YOU have done - we all as people have done them, we’ve all fucked up and been forgiven - they’re still your friend. Sharing a joke because they don’t want a corporation to be the most subscribed channel on youtube means you gotta harp on people? No, fuck you. You weren’t in on the joke so now you’re on about Jontron like ANYONE has mentioned his name in years? Sorry not sorry, but I don’t share racist ass insulting posts just because they are insulting ‘dumb whites’ and ‘actual children’ - real nice - and I don’t support people who do. Mark and Jack have raised HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR CHARITY. This is all because someone didn’t like the joke title of a CHARITY STREAM. @tumblunni It was REALLY shitty of you to share that, and honestly I’m so disappointed in you because you usually show better judgement. You’re the ONLY person I haven’t unfollowed yet for posting it because I’m pretty damn loyal, but that post is fucked and I’m NOT DOWN FOR RACIST BULLSHIT. That post is more racist and more insulting than being friends with or making jokes about a problematic person.