#THATS THE END WHHAHTHESHSDHFDJSLFJLSDKFHDKHFHDSFJHDSHFHDHFSKHJFJHDSLJKFDLJSSKJHGFDSFSLHFWKFDKJBSNJLOEWUIHBDJKLSM | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tojisun · 3 years ago

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Gosh, Toji’s and Y/N’s kid’s angst just hard😭

But imagine teen Megumi when a week after his brother leaves the weight of what it meant truly hit him, imagine teen Megumi walking around the park one day and seeing a pair of siblings about his and his brother’s age playing together and before he can shake the thought of his lil brother and him in their place, their parents approach them (pushing a baby carriage) and the image of what your family used to be and could have been takes over him. When later that week he looks up for pictures with his brother and he realizes that from the point Mamaguro came back they become more and more spare till there are none of them.

Toji himself struggles through it too, there are nights where he subconsciously walks to his son room to check on him to find it empty as if had never been used before. More times that he would like to admit he finds himself looking through pictures and watching videos of when your son was still a baby/toddler, from when you were still a family, and he remembers how happy and excited you all where when your son first started to walk, he hears his son call him “papa” for the first time and it stings because it has been years since he called Toji anything of the sort, he watches how bright Megumi’s and his smiles where back then when they played chase together around the house and your son chanted “nii-chan” in between giggles.

And eventually they see you and Gojo with your family at a coffee you used to go together back in the day, and they watch how your and your son’s orders have stayed the same… and how Gojo holds your hand and kisses your cheek lovingly while your son tries to feed your daughter who’s making a mess. And it crashes them to think that that could have been your family instead.

more of the “let’s hurt the fushiguros” agenda?? yes pls! marta, baee, this is soo good!! the vivid imagery of megumi understanding the weight of losing his brother and of toji learning he’s never been fair (not to everyone, but especially not to aiko) at his pursuit of happiness? incredibly heartbreaking, lemme just go sob in a corner rq

this took too long for me to answer and it’s not fully the same as the ask, so im sorry for that ;v;

aiko’s stories: [alt. ending]; [in megumi’s eyes]; [in toji’s eyes]

[how we break masterlist]

word count: 2.2k

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yuuji and nobara rope him into meeting up with the rest of their friends in the park nearby.

nearby my ass, megumi grumbles in his mind as he steps off the bus. yuuji and nobara are being loud in front of him, with yuuji trying to follow the maps app and nobara on a phone call with maki. megumi is sure as hell that they’re lost and that he knows that he should help his friends, but the summer heat is too much and he is unwilling to lend a helping hand to his friends when it’s their fault that they’re milling about and avoiding cyclists in their attempts to locate the damn park.

it takes a confused policeman asking if they’re lost for them to find their way to the park. maki and yuuta are already setting up their picnic blanket, with toge playing around with panda.

“hi!” yuuji and nobara greet, running up to their friends. maki hoists nobara up as the girl runs full speed towards her, while yuuji jumps on panda who laughs and pokes at the smaller boy. yuuta turns to megumi and offers a smile, one that megumi returns before bowing in greeting.

the park’s packed with families and friends alike, enjoying the heat and the breeze of air. the trees line the park neatly and offer amazing shade. megumi glares at the group of friends enjoying one big tree, hiding underneath the wide shade the leaves provide, before glaring at his friends who are buzzing about as though the sun isn’t beating down on them.

“stop with the murder look fushiguro, and come here already!” nobara chides. megumi helps with setting up their picnic blanket, while yuuji lugs their bags and piles them on a corner.

“the hell you brought so much food for?” maki asks, peering at the bag upon bag that yuuji’s not even done piling up.

“snacks,” is all yuuji answers with and everyone takes that as though it is an appropriate reply.

they settle soon after, pulling out board games and card games, all the while snacking and eating and talking. megumi isn’t usually so social, but he’s having so much fun and he feels so free. there’s always been a certain tenseness in their house the moment he left and as much as they pretend that it isn’t there, megumi finds it hard to ignore. so this moment with his friends is like a liberation.

the noise dies down moments later. toge and panda are snoozing with yuuta back to reading a book beside them. nobara and maki are giggling amongst themselves, their hands twined together, smiles and eyes so gentle despite the sweat rolling down their temples. yuuji’s playing a video game on his phone, the sound effects becoming their muted background noise; the swords clashing and the cheesy character dialogues fill in the silence, and megumi thinks how fun it’s truly been.

(megumi thinks of long nights cooped up in a room now empty, lights turned off to fully bask in the special effects of whatever the two boys are playing; thinks of open bags of chips and lukewarm soda shared between the two, grunting and groaning when their avatars fail to complete the quest.

he thinks of aiko’s whining. “megumi stop winning!”

he thinks of his own laughter. “sorry aiko, you just suck.”

megumi thinks of what is lost.)

he tunes out the rush of memories and studies the scenery, watching different people mingle about. there are people with their pets, there are others who are playing volleyball and a different group playing badminton, and cyclists are making their rounds before disappearing behind the trees.

there is so much life in this park. so much to see. but all megumi could focus on are the two boys playing a metre from megumi’s group. they look like siblings and megumi is struck with how much they resemble aiko and megumi when they were still kids; when megumi’s just seven and aiko’s just three. the loud and happy squealing easily escapes their throats as they run around, tagging each other. they’re both so sweaty, their shirts clinging on their backs and their hairs glossy, sticking on their foreheads and yet, they look the happiest.

when the smaller boy says, “nii-chan!” megumi turns away, frantically trying to push away the sudden onslaught of memories and longing. but his eyes land onto a couple who are approaching the boys.

he watches, almost with bated breath, as the boys run up to their parents before flocking at the stroller pushed by their father. he watches as their mother crouches down, wiping her boys’ sweat away with a hand towel she procured from one of the many pockets of the stroller, laughing when they squirm and giggle at her little prodding.

he watches, struggling to smother the memories, but it is futile.

he misses what he had.

he misses the way aiko would trudge up to him, wobbly feet and wide smile, drool pooling at the corner of his mouth. “megu-nii!” he would call, grabby hands turned to his brother.

he misses the way you would scoop the two of them in your arms, struggling to embrace them both as aiko attempted to climb on your torso, little feet accidentally kicking at megumi’s ribs.

he misses the way toji—the man who he was with you; the man he couldn’t be with megumi’s mother—would lift megumi and aiko when they both passed out in the couch after watching series of cartoons to tuck them in their beds, murmuring sweet promises of good night sleep and soft ‘i love you’s’.

he misses dropping aiko off at daycare with you and then being dropped off at his own elementary school, kissing your cheeks in goodbye before running out to meet his friends. he misses breakfast at the quaint diner near their previous house. he misses trick-or-treating with aiko and celebrating their birthdays together, and christmas and every holiday that megumi celebrates alone now. he misses surprising you and toji in the morning, jumping at your bed and squealing giddily when toji tickles them while you watch and laugh before pressing morning kisses on their foreheads and promising either pancakes (aiko’s favourite) or waffles (megumi’s go-to) for breakfast.

he misses life with you and aiko; the life that was taken from him. the life that he’s lost.

when his mother came back, he thought that everything wouldn’t change; that despite he and aiko having different moms, you and aiko would still stay in his life. but he lost you first, and aiko followed. he always does.

megumi teased him for being a mama’s boy, for running to you at every waking moment, but megumi didn’t realize that aiko would choose to leave too.

“fushiguro?” megumi hears yuuta ask, worried face hovering before megumi’s. “are you okay?”

megumi swallows the lump in his throat, suppressing the tears that are scratching at his eyes and ignoring the way his heart is breaking, and says, “yes.”

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toji studies the room, confused as to why it is empty. sans the bedframe and the study table, aiko and his belongings are gone. not even the old, beat up couch that aiko wanted in his room was there. panic rises at toji’s throat, thinking that aiko’s been taken, when slowly, like running water, he remembers.

aiko left.

toji stumbles on his feet, collapsing on the small bed as though his heart has been flung and tossed aside and stomped on. this is the fifth time this month already. fifth time since toji forgot that his son left; that aiko’s not even in tokyo anymore but in shibuya.

toji’s never had trouble remembering things, so he wonders why now.

(“you’re denying it, i think,” she said, slim fingers running at his calloused ones, eyes faraway as though she was feeling toji’s own sorrow. “i’m sorry.”

"it's not your fault," toji replied, embracing her. "it's mine." she would try refuting his statements but toji would shake his head, pressing his lips in a pained smile.

let me feel the ache. let me hurt.

and she would stay silent because this is something toji does not want her to fix).

it never really got easier. toji wonders, briefly, if his own abandonment of you stung as painful as this. if you clawed at your heart, knowing something is amiss but being unable to right what is gone; if you’ve forgotten that he’s left, forcing yourself to keep relearning and reliving the pain he left you with.

toji wonders if maybe this is karma; if this is the world balancing itself in an equilibrium. a heart for a heart.

(there will come a time when the pain would patter away and he would be able to think about aiko and you again without feeling like a knife is carving a new wound in his heart; when seeing aiko revere satoru would no longer sting; when he would no longer flinch whenever aiko calls out “dad” and it not meaning toji. there will come a time when both hearts would heal, but it has yet to come.

toji still locks himself in aiko’s room on the days that everything feels too much, gazing forlornly at an old video that toji remembers at every breath. his heart twinges at every boyish laugh that aiko lets out, high-pitched giggles easily followed by your own titters. but that’s not the worst.

this is the worst:

a wobbly call of “papa,” one that was not fully formed but was warbled enough that it took toji’s breath away, heart unable to contain the unbridled joy and love.

“aiko, my son,” toji had replied, pressing the babe close to him, snuggling at his soft head. aiko sighed at toji’s gentleness, resting a chubby cheek on toji’s shoulder.

megumi was jumping in joy beside toji, cooing at his baby brother whose big eyes sparkled at megumi’s uncontained excitement. toji smiled at his other son, ruffling his unruly hair and laughed when megumi tried teaching aiko his name.

toji finally turned to look at you and his breath was stolen once again. oh how beautiful you were, smiling in the purest form of happiness that toji wished he could always provide for you.

“darling,” toji called, beckoning you closer, hands itching to touch you, “my beloved.”

and when you reached out to him too, toji felt like he could eat the world raw.)

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poetic justice.

that’s the only thing that megumi could think of as he gazes at your family from across the shop, eyes locked on aiko sitting beside his sister, a stranger to megumi.

megumi tries not to peer at his parents, but neither have spoken the moment they saw the very people his mother was trying to avoid. she never did say it out-loud, but both megumi and toji knew that she wanted to be as far away from you and your family. megumi had understood, of course he had, but it never really did help the tension between his parents.

what he watches, instead, is the way satoru lovingly clasps your hand in his, pulling your joint hands up to his lips before pressing a gentle kiss on the back of your palms. he looks so in love with you and megumi knows that this is something you dearly deserve.

he smiles at the waitress who arrived with their food, busying himself with his pancakes (one he knows aiko had ordered for both himself and his sister, cutting it up in tiny pieces and feeding it to her), and sipping on his iced coffee (white mocha, just like how you always took it).

he casts another glance your way and jolts on his seat when he meets aiko’s eyes. his brother quirked an eyebrow, nodding his head once in greeting and giving megumi a tight-lipped smile. megumi wasn’t given the chance to respond because aiko’s sister requests his attention once again, tugging at his sleeve and opening her mouth to which aiko chuckles about before feeding her another slice of pancake. aiko does not look up after that.

toji abruptly stands up from his seat, the chair clattering, before walking out. megumi turns to his mother and almost hisses at the sight of her teary eyes.

“mom?”

she shakes her head, smiling painfully at him. “i’m okay, megumi. we’re okay.”

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there is something immoral in the way toji covets for a family with you, a family he once had and had exchanged away.

when he finally caught sight of you, something breaks in him. you are so beautiful and in love, toji misses when it was him you are looking at with those tender eyes of yours. he misses you.

he watches, with a stuttering heart, as gojo tucks a lock of your hair behind your ear, hand trailing off to caress your cheek. you lean onto the touch, smile widening, eyes fluttering and really, toji cannot blame gojo for coming to kiss you, almost as though he simply cannot help himself.

then.

then he meets gojo’s eyes. the bastard himself had peered at toji, blue eyes crinkled slyly as his lips stayed locked with yours.

the longing vanished and all that replaced it was anger. toji storms off, unable to see any more of gojo satoru’s gloating.

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