#TELL BREEN I SAID FUCK YOU

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time. tuesday we did ds9's "til death do us part" and "strange bedfellows" and wednesday we watched voy's "juggernaut" and ds9's "the changing face of evil."

til death do us part (ds9):

going to be real, if my fiance called off the wedding because god told him to and then came to his senses, i'm not sure i'd go with it as easily as kasidy. this isn't even the first time he's made a terrible fumble with her. love and light to sisko cuz he's amazing but she could do better

it's kinda not fair to sisko either because so much of the main cast gets to have love interests with OTHER CAST MEMBERS. kira, odo, jadzia, worf, ezri, bashir, and quark are all fully-fleshed out regulars who gets to fall in love with other fully-fleshed regulars, even if that love is sometimes unrequited. but sisko gets? a side character?

and don't get me wrong, kasidy's cool and all, but i don't know the first thing about her except that she likes baseball, she's independent, and she can't cook. i couldn't tell you the reasons she and sisko work (or don't work!) the way i could with the other ships. the most interesting thing she ever did was get roped up in maquis drama and we forgot about that the next time she showed up and never mentioned it again

also didn't love the worf/ezri in this episode...like, she realizes she's in love with julian because the breen told her so? because he was chasing her in a dream? seems like like if he's chasing her in a dream she's running away from his smothering affections!!! again: least interesting choice

the "counselors interpret dreams" throwback to ezri junior cub scout counselor were also bad.

winn and dukat smooching: traumatizing. i hate win SO MUCH i dont want to watch her smooch anyone!!!!!!

strange bedfellows (ds9):

STAND-OUT EPISODES

the worf/ezri in this one was a lot better. nice and complex. even if they don't get together, as long as it's complex, i'm happy. that said, i wish it wasn't in service of shoehorning a julian/ezri romance in there at the last second, but still

WORF BREAKING WEYOUN'S NECK. and damar immediately like yeah okay time to have an arc. he was so invigorated by the sight of that guy dropping dead (for like the...third? time?) he was motivated to do something with himself. damar's arc with weyoun has been so funny genuinely like. imagine killing this guy and the next day he comes to work and then worf kills this guy and the next day he comes to work and so you're like alright that's it and the first place you hit after you go rogue is the fucking cloning facility. it is SO PERSONAL with damar and weyoun

i really, genuinely enjoyed kai winn's arc in this episode too, which is not anything i ever thought i'd say. like the prophets don't talk to her because they knew one day she'd do all this fucked up shit but she's doing it because they don't talk to her...a child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth etc. this whole time that winn's been a monster it's because the prophets made her that way. and let's not forget the things she did and went through in the occupation - stealing from the religious coffers to buy even just one more life and get them out of the labor camps, taking beatings and watching over prisoners...she did all that while never feeling that connection with her gods, never getting the comfort of that faith that everyone around her had. like of COURSE she isn't going to step down. she and dukat are like because they both need to be liked and what made him insane was putting him in a position where he would inevitably end up being hated but what made HER insane was that she spent her whole long life being ignored. but the pah wraiths talk to her. the pah wraiths make her feel special. finally, someone is listening to her! all she has to do is get in bed with the devil, literally. inSAAANE

juggernaut (voy):

first of all, b'elanna has never looked better

i'm always glad when we get an episode about her where people don't talk down to her about her temper problems. also, she embodies the righteous fury of the evo-terrorist. she and kira would get alone

did i mention b'elanna hot?? i loved watching her beat that guy up with a stick. even though i also felt very bad for him

first likable malon in this episode too. like the guy they worked with. good for him

neelix was so nice to b'elanna in this episode too...idk why but for some reason when he said "nothing a fresh coat of paint couldn't fix!" it really gave me the giggles. love and light to kes but he is SO much better now that kes is gone

chakotay almost getting killed. very fun. he was so dirty when he tried to get out of sickbay. we need more star trek episodes where everyone is just very dirty all the time

the changing face of evil (ds9):

hands down best part of this episode was winn finding out she literally had fucked the devil. MWAH!

i do kind of wish she'd commit. she spent this episode being wishy-washy. girl, you've decided on sacrilege. it's the coolest thing you've ever done. fucking go for it. all that stuff i just said about her downfall being cool is wasted if she doesn't fuckin GO for it

still though she killed that guy. blood on her hands. no going back now girl

even though i don't like ezri/julian it was really funny to have her chilling with worf while he critiqued her taste in men. i do wish she was doing this as a lesbian but at least it was fun

I'M SO SAD ABOUT THE DEFIANT. that's MEAN. she really was such a good ship.

damar hitting the cloning facilities. i know i said so already but it's SO good.

TONIGHT: voy's "someone to watch over me" and ds9's "when it rains..."

[redlettermediathings]

It finally happened! The day that we received a package from Breen was the best day since the pandemic started. The slim package that arrived in our mailbox was like a little slice of heaven sent to us from above. A simple mailer that held the truth of which we sought. Cinema. Kino. Joy. I looked at the package, my brow sweating with anticipation. I pursed my lips as I often do in the delicious moments before sipping an ice cold beer. This was just as good. Maybe better. The mailer was that of a simple man. It wasn’t a fancy mailer. It wasn’t padded nor did it have a design on it. In fact, the mailer the DVD arrived in was a cut up cereal box held together with duct tape. I smiled and whispered to myself, “That’s the cup of a carpenter…”. It was here. We received the new Neil Breen film. Was this a Blu-ray? No. This was a DVD-R burned on a computer. I smelled the disc and the jewel case. It smelled like 2003. I cried at the beauty of the whole embarrassing ordeal. It was like a hug from an old friend who had long since passed. A friend you never wanted to see again or allow to hug you. In my hand I held the new Neil Breen film. I couldn’t wait to show the guys! I called Colin from Canada and told him to run to RLM HQ right quick to watch the film with us. He said, “oh, I’ve already seen it. It’s terrible.” And I called him a poutine-slurping, caesar-sipping canuck fuck and told him to get down here to Wisconsin right quick. He responded by saying, “I’ve got work and I’m watching my elderly neighbors diabetic cats and…” I just cut him off. I said, “Look you fucking prick, I have it. Let’s watch it!" So he did come down, albeit unwillingly. What are Neil Breen films? They are moopies made by a man who is the weirdest man to ever live. He’s the perfect oblivious filmmaker. Never getting better or evolving, only getting worse and more lazy and more old and more grandpa jeans. Neil Breen’s films are always about a loner man that has special skills or knowledge above all other humans. There is often a babe involved in his films, although the sexuality is awkwardly placed and seems forced. The women usually look incredibly uncomfortable at the notion of being in love or even attracted to Neil Breen. Likewise, any romance on his part seems obligatory. I guess the thought is that a movie needs “romance” so he must add “romance” But he’s no James Bond! Since this was Breen, we assumed this was worthy of a Best of the Worst™ Spotlight™ episode. It couldn’t simply be lumped into a regular three movie episode. Boy, were we fucking wrong. This pile of trash couldn’t have been more disappointing. Breen has gone too far this time with the green screens! Who does he think he is!?! Peter Jackson? George Lucas? James Cameron?!? I mean, sure you can use a green screen sometimes… if you’re making a fucking Avengers movie!!! But come on! Literally every background, outdoor location, and room is a stock image. A flat shot without movement. I can say that at the very least in some shots he created a foreground mask to make characters integrated into the frame by putting them behind objects, but really? While the story sucks, the acting is bad, it’s boring and shitty, it’s still a Neil Breen film and we have to love it as if it was our own cross-eyed inbred baby with no limbs. Anyways, while I have you here, I own a timeshare in the Cayman Islands. It’s in a nice part of town, but it’s basically a 1.6 million dollar shack. One of the owners killed himself recently and now I’m stuck with paying his part due to a legal snafu. I don’t quite understand it, but my lawyer Phillip Gorlon (no relation) tells me it’ll cost me more in legal fees to get out of this timeshare than to just keep it. I tells him that I’m strapped for cash at the moment, what with the cost of eggs, covid tests, etc… so my question to you is: Do you think Neil Breen might want to shoot his next film in the Cayman Islands?

[yikes-strikes-again]

sometimes i feel bad and then i'm lik*whiplash* *insane giggle* AND IF YOU SEE DR. BREEN. . . TELL HIM I SAID FUCK YOU! *building collapses* *music swells* *smile, thumbs up, twinkle* *doorbell sound* ohwhatsthis *door opens, angel choir sound effect* Yes Freeman, what is it? *pops out of suit* *flips off* Fuck You. *MUSIC CUE*

[psilocybinlemon]

DARK ENERGY - CH2, MANIFEST

Modern Post-Apocalyptic AU, based in the universe of Half-Life series. Rated Explicit for death, blood and gore, terrible politics, war, that kind of stuff you see in First-Person Shooter games.

Pairing: Eventual Nalu

Chapters in Tumblr: 1, 2 Also in AO3 __________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 2: MANIFEST

// December 5th, Tuesday, 5:35 PM. Black Mesa East

“You were being watched?”

Natsu nodded as he took a cigarette from the blood-stained pack, placed it between his teeth and ignited it. He left the lighter and the carton on the table, then lifted his gaze to the old man sitting in front of him. Disapproval was clear as the day in Makarov’s eyes, yet the leader of the base made no effort to make Natsu stop smoking in his office. Not today, at least.

“Yeah,” Natsu mumbled, then lowered his eyes back to his hands. The dried blood, that wasn’t his, had begun to flake off and fall to the black-and-white checkered floor. “But there wasn’t anyone. It just felt so off.”

“Strange. Our visitor reported having the same experience this morning,” Makarov said and wrote a few lines into his notebook. “What was the clock at that moment?”

“I don’t know. Quarter past eight?” Natsu said, remaining quiet for a second. “What visitor?”

“We have a visitor from the White Forest,” Makarov answered, then glanced at Erza, who then stepped from the back of the office closer to the table. She had slightly opened the window to let the smoke escape the room. “We didn’t want to tell this to you… yet, but well, you’ll be introduced soon enough. Anyway, seemingly at the same time today, before arriving at Black Mesa East, our visitor reported feeling as if they were being watched. An interesting occurrence, indeed.”

Natsu shrugged. “I’m not sure if I’m supposed to like this information or not.”

“The events could be connected somehow,” Erza said. “Something is stirring the Combine up, and we have to find out what it is.”

“I meant the visitor,” Natsu clarified, then glanced down at his bloodied outfit, blowing out some smoke. He had never been to White Forest himself, but it was Resistance’s most secret base dedicated to scientific research, mostly trying to restore technology from old Black Mesa. Fancy folk, those scientists. “I’m probably not in a proper condition to meet some visitors from White Forest. Can I at least change –“

“No. Immediately as you’re done with the report, we’ll invite this person to the office,” Erza said, making Natsu roll his eyes in frustration. “There’s no time to waste. This is very important business, Sergeant Dragneel.”

“Yeah, seems like it,” Natsu scoffed. It’s going fucking great, he thought and inhaled the cigarette. “Anyway, so, after I felt like some creepy-ass-fucker had its eyes on me, everything went as usual for a while. Or so I thought…”

And then he fell quiet, sharp pain in his chest suffocating his voice.

“Natsu?”

“… until we made it to Station 12.” __________________________________________________________

// December 5th, 2017. Tuesday, 8:16 AM. City 17 //

“… Do our benefactors really know what's best for us? What gives them the right to make this kind of decision for mankind? Will they ever deactivate the suppression field and let us breed again?”

Side by side, Natsu and Gray walked across the city plaza. A small group of citizens flinched as they saw them approach, turning their gazes back to the screen, mounted high on a mast in the square’s centre. There spoke an older man, with short white hair and a trimmed beard. Seeing his face aroused an impulse in Natsu to point his gun at the screen and shoot it to smithereens. It was dr. Wallace Breen, Earth’s Administrator under the Combine, formerly known as the leader of Black Mesa Research Facility. These things, Breencasts, were the only entertainment delivered to the citizens of each Combine-controlled city.

But well, if Natsu had to choose between listening to Overwatch Voice or Breencast, he’d choose the latter – in Black Mesa East, they did some funny remixes out of them. But the Voice was still lingering in his mind, the haunting echo of doom he had barely managed to escape from. Though the events of this morning aroused hundreds of questions and the strange feeling in his guts refused to fade, he forced them to the shadows for now. They were alive. They had an objective to focus on.

Now, they had to find Cana and Loke.

“… Allow me to address the anxieties underlying your concerns, rather than try to answer every possible question you might have left unvoiced,” spoke Earth’s Administrator on the record. “First, let us consider the fact that for the first time ever, as a species, immortality is in our reach. This simple fact has far-reaching implications. It requires radical rethinking and revision of our genetic imperatives. It also requires planning and forethought that run in direct opposition to our neural pre-sets.”

In silence, Natsu and Gray left the plaza and headed to the alley between the buildings, arriving at a scene where an old playground stood. It had once been a park for the block’s children to play in, but only echoes lingered here now. The swings swayed in the faint wind, old metal creaking with the motion. A graffiti had been spray-painted on the rusty carousel. ‘CASTE’, it read, with a Combine soldier holding a blue-eyed human child in his arms. Its stare seemed to pierce right through Natsu. ‘Fucking shit, I’ve had enough creepy things staring at me this morning.’

“…I find it helpful at times like these to remind myself that our true enemy is Instinct. Instinct was our mother when we were an infant species. Instinct coddled us and kept us safe in those hardscrabble years when we hardened our sticks and cooked our first meals above a meagre fire and startled at the shadows that leapt upon the cavern's walls. But inseparable from Instinct is its dark twin, Superstition. Instinct is inextricably bound to unreasoning impulses, and today we clearly see its true nature.”

Natsu had heard the same speech too many times. It was one of those that was replayed the most, as if to keep reminding everyone that the suppression field hadn’t gone anywhere. Since the Combine took over Earth, no new human had been born. The Combine, or rather Dr. Breen himself, never explained how the field actually worked, but Natsu’s brother had presumed it prohibited certain protein chains important to the process of embryonic development – a part of the Combine plan for total omnicide of the human species.

Yet, since it had been affecting the population for seventeen years now, Natsu didn’t think about it too often. Strangely, he couldn’t fully remember what children even looked like. He had been just five back then, and all the children had grown into adulthood alongside him. Only a few pictures had been spared from the time before the apocalypse. His brother had a photo of their family framed in his laboratory, one Natsu used to glance at just enough times to not forget how his parents had looked like. He might’ve been one or two years old when the picture was taken, so perhaps it would also remind him what strange creatures these children were like.

Though, as they passed by the abandoned playground, a strange flash of sadness swept over his heart. It was always so haunting to remember he might never actually see a living child again. Unless the Combine would be driven off Earth, his generation would be the last one there’d ever be.

And in the speakers, the speech went ever on.

“…Instinct has just become aware of its irrelevance, and like a cornered beast, it will not go down without a bloody fight. Instinct would inflict a fatal injury on our species. Instinct creates its own oppressors, and bids us rise up against them. Instinct tells us that the unknown is a threat, rather than an opportunity. Instinct slyly and covertly compels us away from change and progress. Instinct, therefore, must be expunged. It must be fought tooth and nail, beginning with the basest of human urges: the urge to reproduce.”

“Come to think of it,” Gray spoke suddenly, as if he had been lost in thought for a long while, “that if the suppression field actually suppressed boners, half of the population would be very encouraged to fight back the Combine.”

Natsu chuckled. “That’s fucking terrifying.”

“Like, it isn’t as bad as it is now. The field might’ve suppressed the urge to reproduce, but not the urge to fuck. And we actually benefit from it,” Gray said, and though Natsu couldn’t see his face behind the CP’s helmet, he knew Gray was grinning. “Yeah, sooner or later our race is gonna go extinct, but at least we can rail bareback without a worry until then.”

Cringing, Natsu slammed his palm on his goggles, dragging his fingers down the mask’s respirator. “Doesn’t it get a bit claustrophobic at the base when you’re railing at least three girls at the same time?”

“I don’t know. Does it? At least I can’t get all of them pregnant at the same time. That would be slightly awkward.”

“I adore your optimism, my friend, but I think you’re gonna end up with gonorrhea at that rate.”

Gray laughed, his voice still distorted by the helmet’s vocoder. “Rather that than a baby. Or worse, many babies,” he said and thought for a moment. “Maybe the vortigaunts would write some poetry about it. ‘Roses are red. Violets are blue. Went to the pizzeria, came back with gonorrhea…’”

Natsu tried not to laugh, but failed. This thing he adored about Gray: no matter how dark the circumstances were, he could always rip some humour out of it. While they spoke, they missed lines from the dragging speech. The last part started, only so that the record could play again right after it would finish.

“We should thank our benefactors for giving us respite from this overpowering force. They have thrown a switch and exorcised our demons in a single stroke. They have given us the strength we never could have summoned to overcome this compulsion. They have given us purpose. They have turned our eyes toward the stars.”

A moment’s silence fell upon those words. When the record began from the start, they were so far they could only hear it muffled in the distance. Natsu always chuckled at how wrong the Combine was. Thrown a switch and exorcised our demons in a single stroke? If they truly believed so, they knew absolutely nothing about human nature. At least Gray wasn’t given a crumb of that strength to overcome this compulsion – but of himself, Natsu wasn’t so sure.

Not anymore.

They arrived at the end of the alley between the buildings, reaching a path towards the canal below the streets. A small, orange λ, lambda badge, had been painted on the concrete wall to indicate the Resistance’s presence in this area. “Now that we’re talking about girls, you mentioned things with Lisanna are getting complicated,” Gray said quietly. “I thought you got along well, but isn’t it working?”

Natsu shrugged. “Never probably did, to be honest.” His shoulders tensed as he grew silent, hoping Gray would stop talking about this. But as the dark-haired man knit his brows in wonder, Natsu knew he wouldn’t hear the end of it anytime soon. “Damn man, I just don’t know. Maybe it used to. Maybe I used to like being with her, but it’s… starting to feel like I signed up for something I don’t want to be in.”

“Signed up?” Gray echoed. “So, she’s your girlfriend for real now and you didn’t tell me?”

“Nope. We aren’t in any relationship,” Natsu cut him off, struggling to find an explanation for a thing he hadn’t figured out either. Nervously he glanced around as they climbed down the narrow path between the abandoned buildings, leading towards the rails. “But, eh, she probably wishes we were. She’s liking me a lot. Too much, I guess.”

“And how’s that a bad thing? She’s a pretty lass. Strong as hell. She’s gonna be an amazing fighter when she’s through the training,” Gray said. “I think it’s gonna get less complicated when you’re not the one training her. Couples are never put on the same team, you know. Some time apart would –“

“Yeah, I know. But I’m just not feeling it. Think it’s better to end things before it becomes anything more serious, but shit, I don’t want to break her heart.”

“The same way Erza broke yours?”

“She didn’t, damn you,” Natsu cursed, lowering his voice as he swiftly changed the topic. “Besides, if I’d break Lisanna’s heart, her sister would kill me.” 

“I couldn’t agree more,” Gray chuckled. “Mirajane can be scary as fuck if you mess with her siblings.” Then he remained silent for a while, as if reminiscing the time he went into a bloody brawl with Elfman. “Damn, you’re fucked.”

“I know, right?” he groaned, crunching his brow. “If there would be a clean and easy way to just end this, it would be fucking great.”

“I’m afraid there isn’t. Even the world doesn’t end clean and easy, it keeps lingering for damn decades,” Gray said. “But anyway, I hope you’ll figure out whatever you have going on. Even if it doesn’t work with her, we’ve still gotta cling on to the human feelings we have left. We all might be sterile by now, but we’ll still love each other. The Combine can’t take that away from us.”

Natsu shrugged, giving his fellow soldier a slight grin. Somehow though, he had a feeling this thing with Lisanna wouldn’t linger as long as the world did after its dying blows. Sooner or later, this bright-eyed girl would notice what he had become – or if she had already noticed, she’d finally admit it: the toll this life would take on a man.

“I feel like it already has.”

As Gray looked at him in silence, Natsu realised what he had said. The words had slipped from his mouth without much thought. He turned his eyes to the path ahead – they were soon arriving at the railway yard, and they’d better remain quiet.

“Bro?” Gray whispered. “Is everything okay? Like, really okay?”

Natsu replied with a nod. “Yeah,” he said then, but knew Gray did not believe it. “Everything is just okay.”

If Gray said something, his voice got buried under the blast of a horn, a distinctive bellow to announce the departure of another razor train. They stepped from the shadowed alley into the light and waited behind the fence as the train sped by, fast out of the city, possibly heading into Nova Prospekt. Of course, everything is okay, Natsu thought, somehow sensing Gray felt the same. We are not the ones on that train. We are that lucky.

When the train had passed, they climbed over the fence and jumped down, quickly running over the steel rails into the other side of the yard. As the trains were fully automatized and loaded in the station further away, no Combine security was present in this area. Still, they hurried into the underground tunnel ahead and wasted no time threading through it. It led them to the other half of the railway yard, yet this time, they headed down the wastewater canal.

Here, the Route Kanal, the underground railroad into Black Mesa East, began.

This time of the year, the waters were low, making it easy to access safe paths. Things were different in the spring – in the worst years, all canals were flooded to the top, and no citizens could be saved this way, but that had been long ago. As the Combine kept tapping away Earth’s water resources, the drought that now reigned these canals was the Resistance’s advantage. One had to see the bright side in times like these, after all.

Down the ladders they went, jumping into a small path that framed the water below, which was now mostly toxic waste. Too many times had Gray threatened to throw Natsu into the murky waters, and equally often had Natsu promised to kill him if he did so. But this time, Gray was dead silent. Neither of them said a word until they made it to the large, red box car ahead of them. Natsu climbed onto its roof and knocked a few times on the hatch door.

“Dragneel and Fullbuster coming in,” he said, then pulled aside the metal shield, and dropped into the box. Gray followed, hanging on the edge with one hand as he closed the hatch after him. They took off their helmets, shoving their black scarves and Resistance emblazons. Here in the underground railroad, wearing full CP outfits meant getting shot without mercy. “Seen Cana and Loke pass by?”

In the cosy corner of the container, there stood a fair-haired man, clad in black Resistance armour. Lyon was his name, an old friend of Gray’s – yet those who weren’t on any good terms nowadays. In turns with few others, Lyon guarded this station and lived here for days at the time. A large map of the canal system covered the wall behind him. “Yeah, they passed here with a group of citizens a moment ago. They said they’d wait for you at Station 12,” Lyon told with a worried look on his face. “You ran into some trouble?”

“Civil Protection raided the block, but that was nothing we couldn’t handle. We sent Cana and Loke ahead of us here, as they probably told,” Gray answered, gazing at the vortigaunt standing next to Lyon. The creature was trying to fix the radio which had lost signal and paid them no attention. “You having problems as well?”

Lyon shrugged. “The radio is being a piece of shit as always. We lost connection to other stations about an hour ago, but Gary is trying to fix it.”

Natsu chuckled by himself. The vortigaunt’s name most likely wasn’t Gary, but most often their real vortigese names were too difficult for humans to pronounce. The sight of vortigaunts always made him shudder, even though they had been their allies for years now. Such wasn’t the case in the initial days when these hostile, electricity-shooting aliens had flooded the halls of Black Mesa. Now, as he watched the green-brown-skinned creature struggling with a broken radio with its three arms, he could sympathize them. The vortigaunts had once been slaves in Xen, lost and confused as they spawned on Earth during the Resonance Cascade.

Then, the vortigaunt turned its head, adorned by a large red eye, towards them. “There’s a disturbance in the vortessence. A deep mystery,” it spoke fluently, but with its bizarre accent. “No deeper than the void itself.”

Gray nodded, holding back a smile. “Seems like this day is full of these deep mysteries. Hope you’ll solve them somehow.”

The vortigaunt bowed and extended its middle arm towards them, clenching its long claws. “As do you. Please, accept this charge as a gift for the rest of your journey.”

Then, a jolt of energy floated from the vortigaunt’s hand, passed the air, and reached Natsu’s head. The tingling electricity sent shivers down his spine as the charge spread, first attaching to the metallic dots on his temple, then fully loading the electric parts of his Combine armour. Then the vortigaunt released another bolt, charging Gray’s BCI and suit as well. The man shuddered, making Natsu smile. Gray never seemed to get used to this.

As Natsu’s interface was again in full charge, he realised the disturbances with his feelings earlier today might’ve been a symptom of running on low power. His BCI had never run out of charge, for it drained energy from Combine’s outlets as well as receiving jolts of vortigaunt’s electricity. But sometimes, if he went too long without charging his system, it started running slow and laggy. Now, it felt like magic – all noise in his head went dead silent, like a raging sea had calmed into perfect still.

A few years back, Natsu had felt the same when the interface was first installed. As he had woken up from the anaesthesia in his brother’s laboratory, everything had been… different. For all his life there had been dozens of radio channels open in his brain at once, and then there was finally peace. If he hadn’t known the technology was counterfeited from the Combine, he would’ve fallen in love with it. But there was always this strange aftertaste in the flawlessness, some nagging sounds that always reminded him, you’re now the same as your enemies.  

“Thank you, Gary,” Natsu said to the vortigaunt. “We’ll be on our way. Please report to Station 12 and Black Mesa East when you get the radio to work, and if you discovered what caused the disturbance.”

Lyon nodded to him and slid open the door on the container’s side wall. The iron bars in the canal’s gate had been broken, allowing them to proceed into the closed underground sections by foot. “Good luck,” he said, and stepped out of the way. “Be careful out there.”

“Always. Stay safe,” Gray said nonchalantly as he followed Natsu out of the car box. When the door was closed behind them, Gray sighed heavily. “Damn, I can barely stand that fucker’s face for two seconds.”

Here, after the first checkpost, the road truly began. Despite its name, the underground railroad had no rails, no trains, only concrete paths that lead through the canals. Over the years, the Resistance had worked to build makeshift bridges out of rubble, planks and cement blocks, over the toxic waste below. Several tunnels and pentices protected them from plain sight – there was always a shelter to hide into if the Combine hunter-choppers flew over them.

After today’s ordeals in the city, it felt great to be finally safe.

“You were surprisingly kind this check-in,” Natsu chuckled, and attached the helmet to the strap on his back, taking off the machine gun in exchange. He let it rest in his arms as he took steps forward on the path of concrete, gazing into the underpass ceiling. If he’d see a barnacle, he’d shoot it – having one of those nasty things almost strangle Gray yesterday had been too much. “He’s still salty because you fucked his girlfriend like half a year ago?”

“Of course. He’s jealous of my dick,” Gray answered with a grin and reached for the cigarette he had tucked behind his ear earlier this morning. He extended his hand towards Natsu, a wordless signal for fire. Natsu rolled his eyes and tossed his lighter to him, realising he was also dying for a smoke. Swiftly, Gray ignited his cigarette and threw the lighter back to Natsu. “Well, if I were him, I’d be jealous too. My dick’s so big it can distort time and space.”

“Yeah, even black holes move towards your huge dick,” Natsu mocked with a suffocated laugh as he lit a cigarette of his own, inhaling the smoke as he put the pack and lighter back into his pockets. Through the grey clouds, the sun was beginning to shine, rays of light descending through the holes in the concrete ceiling. “Got something else to brag about on this beautiful morning?”

“I ain’t bragging, baby, it’s the truth,” Gray said and smirked. He kept the burning cigarette between his lips and took off the small radiophone from his belt. He extended the antenna and pressed the button, trying to get connected to Loke. Only static echoed from the speaker. “It’s fucking blank. Seems like my dick distorts radio connections too.”

Natsu wanted to chuckle, but this wasn’t funny anymore. He exhaled a cloud of smoke, gazing at the static in silence as a serious frown formed on his forehead. Gray turned the channel selection knobs, but no connection was found. “It’s weird,” he mumbled. “Let's not keep them waiting any longer.”

Gray kept pressing on and off the radio, as if making a beat on the static noise, grinning by himself. Natsu held back a frustrated sigh. As he knew, Gray always acted like this whenever he was nervous – not even the BCI had managed to rid that trait of him. Perhaps by a miracle, it hadn’t got him killed yet. A momentary melancholy swept past Natsu. He could remember being like this, too, long before technology changed him. 

Slowly, Natsu raised his gaze upwards, to the rays of light that bled through the cracks. And hidden by them, there was a barnacle attached to the ceiling, right above Gray – a xenian creature, no more than a large mouth full of sharp teeth. The alien’s long, sticky tongue was descending towards the man, hidden by the blinding light. For a moment Natsu felt tempted to let it snare Gray and teach him a lesson, but as the leader of his team, he had duties to keep.

Quickly, Natsu lifted his gun, aimed at the barnacle and opened fire. Gray flinched at the sudden noise and leapt backwards with a terrified shriek. With a few shots the alien was dead, and a powerful spew followed instantly. The barnacle turned inside out and disgorged the skulls, bones, and other remains of recently consumed victims – thank god the bones were too small to belong to a human – along with gallons of green bile. They splattered right next to Gray, and as the limp dead alien’s limp tongue retracted and hung in the air, he nearly gagged.

“Focus, you goddamn idiot,” Natsu mumbled and lowered his gun, then let it hang on his shoulder as he took the cigarette from his mouth. “Let’s go.”

Being safe was just an illusion, as they were both reminded. __________________________________________________________

On their way to Station 12, Gray kept frequently checking whether the radio had begun working, but it never did. It wasn’t completely unusual for the radios to fail, but now, an unyielding worry kept growing in their guts. Even Gray’s playfulness withered and his jokes went quiet, and the silence around them started to feel more and more like a trap. Keeping their guns close, they threaded through the familiar pathways, seeing no signs of the rest of the team. It was, most often, a good sign – corpses in the canal would be far worse than full absence.

They walked fast amongst the rubble. Over the years, lots of buildings had collapsed, even some trains from the rails above had fallen into the canal’s bottom. The Combine cared little about reconstructing whatever was broken – to them, the canal was only a part of the endless wasteland outside City 17, a landfill. But this crumbling debris, the box cars and concrete tunnels and corridors, were the lifeline for the Resistance. The chaos was their maze, a perfect shelter to sneak out of the city, right under Combine’s nose.

Nearing the station, Natsu noticed a few dead headcrabs on the mud puddle. Their yellow blood mixed with the water as their long limbs sprawled out. Natsu hated these creatures. This xenian race of omnivorous parasites had gotten its name from its unique way of choosing and controlling its victims. About the size of a pumpkin, the headcrab latched onto human head with its enormous mouth, chewed its way into the victim’s brain, and then gained full access to the human’s motor functions by unknown means. Natsu had seen the zombies headcrabs could turn humans into, and the sight never stopped haunting him. Gladly, Cana and Loke had killed them before they gained any more victims.

“You know, it still disgusts me that your brother has a headhumper as a freaking pet,” Gray said, gazing at the dead headcrab. “Zeref even named it, didn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Natsu said, cringing. “He calls it Lamarr. Says it’s de-beaked and completely harmless and likes eating watermelons… I call it bullshit.” Then he turned his eyes away from the creature. “Nobody really knows what goes through my brother’s mind with these experiments of his.”

Gray climbed over the part of the broken steel fence. “Sometimes I wonder what he’s doing in this lab all day long, but then I realise that I don’t wanna know,” he said. “Have you heard of the teleport project? It would be much appreciated if he’d finally succeed at that. We wouldn’t have to thread this shitpath every damn week.”

Natsu shrugged and followed Gray to the other side of the fence, walking into shadows towards the brighter space where Station 12 was located. “That would indeed be great, but from what I’ve last heard, there’s been no breakthrough yet. Not having a teleport is better than a broken teleport.”

“Yeah,” Gray said, shuddering. “I’m still having nightmares about that cat.”

“Geez, don’t mention it.”

Gray was about to say something, but Natsu silenced him by lifting his arm. The station – the abandoned warehouse by the sewers, fenced and guarded, was eerily quiet. Usually, by now, they were supposed to be welcomed by someone. There was always a team keeping the station, but now, it seemed there were none.

“Don’t like the looks of this,” Natsu whispered, carefully scanning the environment as they walked closer to the wall. “Can you test your radio again? We’ve gotta get contact inside and see what’s going on.”

Gray nodded and took out the radiophone, pressing the buttons again. Out of the static, a faint voice could be heard. It’s finally working. They both flinched and crouched closer to the speaker.   

“We don’t… what are you…don’t shoot! What are you doing? Please, don’t hurt me! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Don’t –“

The transmission ended with the abrupt roar of the machine guns. Cold shivers ran down Natsu’s spine – the radio went silent, but from the cellar of the station, he could hear the screams and the gunfire. Upon an impulse, he aimed to run straight in, but Gray caught him by the collar of his suit and held him still.

“Station 12, come in. Station 12, do you read?” Gray shouted to the radio.

“This is Station 8!” responded someone from the channel. The connection was weak and frail, words barely recognisable. “We heard 12 go down and out. Surgical strike units are targeting railway stations. Repeat, civil protection is coming down on underground stations! We are already getting refugees from 9 and outlying! Looks like we’re –“

Then, the voice was cut again – and from there, Natsu’s mind went fully blank. A snap of the synapse, and now it was fucking war.

The Resistance was under direct attack.

Natsu caught Gray’s radio and hissed in. “Station 8, do you copy? Station 8, are you there?” He bit hard into his lip and threw his fist in frustration. “Fucking hell, I can’t believe this!” Then he pulled on Gray, forcing him to his feet. Quickly, Natsu took out his resistance scarf, wrapped it around his arm and put the helmet back on his head – in a situation like this, friendly fire was better than a bullet to the head from CP. “Come on, let’s go!”

They ran into the sideway stairs, down into the cellar and kicked open the door. A strong scent of blood and gunfire flooded in, a terror that had just been released and now grown deadly silent. With the night-vision turned on, Natsu saw the bodies in the darkness – all lined up against the wall, shot from behind. There were eight of them.

And Natsu knew all their faces.

The rage did not blind him. It never did. So fast he found the Combine soldiers, turned his gun at them, and shot. The half-second’s confusion he gained by wearing their uniform was enough to get them killed, for they saw not the resistance badge in his arm, not before their eyes were shut forever. Gray aimed for the soldier climbing on the ladder to the upper level, pressed down the trigger, and then the cop’s pierced body dropped to the ground as the blood began to spread below him.

There had to be more of them.

Natsu scanned through the shadows while Gray ran towards the ladder, hearing distant chatter from upstairs, voices distorted by vocoders. Natsu kept cursing as he crouched by the bodies to check if any of them was still alive, if they could be saved somehow, but his hopes withered fast. Just a few hours ago Natsu had promised them a better life, and now the CP’s pulse rifles had torn them to shreds.

But Cana and Loke weren’t among the corpses.

Natsu stood up, mumbling silent apologies to the victims while he stole one last glance around, running after Gray. All supplies in the cellar chamber were thrown over and destroyed, even the radio was shot to pieces. There had been beds, shelves full of preserved food and medicines and ammo, but now it was all coated in blood and gasoline – and right then Natsu realised they had to get out of there immediately.

On the second floor, several flatlines rang as Gray shot the CP officers to their deaths. Natsu jumped the ladder, keeping his gun in his left hand, pointing upwards as his finger rested on the trigger. A faint sound of a rolling bottle approached him, and before he fully recognised it, the firebomb dropped from the hatch door right past him. It shattered on the floor below, each sound buried under the roaring flames as the burning gasoline engulfed the cellar.

Cursing, Natsu hurried up as fire licked his boots. He jumped out off the ladder to the upper floor and kicked the hatch closed. For this open moment, Gray kept him covered, and Natsu showed his gratitude by stepping to his side and opening fire towards the CPs lined up in stations across the room.

“Alright, which one of you fuckers tried to burn me alive!?” Natsu shouted through his vocoder. “No matter, you are all fucking dead, you pigs!”

Amongst the dead officers, there lay blue-suited Resistance members on the floor, executed in the same manner as the group of citizens in the basement – these folks had let them pass through the station yesterday, and now they were gone. Yet Natsu couldn’t grieve them until the Combine unit was destroyed and the situation stabilized, which he knew wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

As most of the CP’s fell lifeless to the ground, Gray shot directly at the last living officer’s rifle, tearing the gun out of his hands. He marched to the man, fired a few bullets into his feet, then kicked him down and caught him by the neck. “Where are two of our buddies? The brown-haired woman and the ginger man? Tell me!”

The CP didn’t say a word. He reached for the grenade on his belt, but Gray shot him in the arm. “They aren’t here!” Gray shouted. “How’d you find out about us? It ain’t no fucking coincidence that the same day you raid us in the city, you wound up fucking here –“

“Gray,” Natsu muttered, walking across the room, listening closely to the humming sound from above. “Do you hear that?”

Gray lifted his head, and instantly realised what Natsu was talking about. He mumbled a curse, shot the enemy in the neck, and hurried up to the stairs, to the roof. The humming grew into a deafening noise as they stepped outside.

Natsu raised his gaze up. A Combine’s dropship ascended towards the sky, closing its carriage door, and covering the sun as it went. Natsu pulled Gray into the cover of concrete blocks as the ship opened fire towards them, pulse bullets flying right past where they had stood. Natsu glanced through the roof but saw no bodies, right then knowing where Loke and Cana were.

They were on the ship.

Unable to say a word, Natsu and Gray watched as the dropship flew out of the canal, disappearing behind the tall buildings framing the area. The Combine rarely used these ships for combat, only for transporting troops – but as Natsu heard another chopping sound approaching, he knew they were only sending in whatever would kill them.

He could only steal a glance at the overflying hunter-chopper before the bombs unfurled.  

// December 5th, Tuesday, 5:45 PM. Black Mesa East. //

After those words, Natsu fell quiet. His cigarette had burned out, but he still held its remains between his fingers, blankly staring at the table in front of him.

“So, this is where Gray was injured?”

“No,” Natsu said, then realised he was lying. Though his memories of the events were sharp, he struggled to speak them out. “Or, well, he got a shell shard into his arm at Station 12, so yes, he was first injured at station 12.”

“Then where did he receive those bullet wounds?”

“Station 8.”

“What happened?”

Then, Natsu reached for another cigarette. Leader Makarov sighed, crossing his arms on his chest. Hell, what should I even say? Natsu thought as the silence stretched on. How can I tell them? He ignited the smoke, inhaled it, yet found absolutely no relief. They waited for his answer, but there were no words to describe the events of Station 8. Not now, not yet.

“I think we can get to that a bit later,” Erza said then, understanding that when Natsu went silent, things were really bad. “What concerns me the most is what happened to Loke and Cana. Are you sure they were taken into the dropship?”

Natsu shrugged. “I couldn’t see them getting in. Their radio signals were also gone. But I’m sure if they were taken, they were taken alive.” He let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his aching forehead. “But for them, it’s probably worse.”

“Indeed. The Combine needs information. And they have their way of getting it,” Erza replied. “But… I wish I didn’t have to say this, but this all seems that somebody ratted on us. If there’s no sign of Cana and Loke, then –“

“It’s no fucking way it was them. I trust them with my life,” Natsu cut her off. “It’s gotta be that ninth citizen we were supposed to rescue. That black-haired woman. She heard too much of our plans, and then gave us into the Combine.”

“Then Cana and Loke made a mistake trusting that citizen. That’s bad news for the whole rebellion.”

Natsu glanced at Makarov. Sadness glimmered in his dark eyes. So far, Makarov had chosen to trust humanity – to trust citizens –  to fight united against the Combine. Everyone who believed in Earth’s freedom was an addition to the rebellion, no matter if they became a fighter or just a passive supporter. Even those who didn’t believe in their goals never wanted to hurt them. Now, somebody did – and for their trust, they had to pay with blood.        

“Do you know the woman’s name?” Erza asked.

Natsu knit his brows. “One of the other citizens called her Minerva, but I’m not sure if that’s her real name. If she’s an infiltrator, it probably isn’t. She behaved like a normal citizen before she suddenly disappeared. At least I didn’t notice something was off.”

Makarov nodded. “Good thing is that Black Mesa East isn’t bombed to the ground yet. If they knew about our base, they would’ve aimed here first instead of destroying stations of our underground railroad,” he said. “But the bad thing is that they’re now aware of the railroad. You sent an evacuation code to everyone in the other stations?”

“Yes. All posts will be abandoned to avoid further casualties.”

“We’ve already received refugees from the closest stations,” Erza said. “We’ll figure out what to do with them, but for now, the railroad is closed. The vortigaunts are working extra hard to conceal all signals of the base to ensure that we’ll stay under the radar. For now, we are safe, but we’ll remain cautious.”

Slowly, Natsu inhaled the smoke, failing to trust Erza’s words. Even if the Combine would follow their tracks, they’d be stopped by the doorstep. Finding the base without knowing where to go was nearly impossible, and getting in was even harder. But they have Cana and Loke, Natsu was grimly reminded. If they break in the hands of the Combine, then things it’ll be really bad.     

Makarov seemed to have the same thought. “We’ll be launching a rescue operation for our captured comrades. It’s most likely they’ll be taken to Nova Prospekt,” the leader said, making Natsu shudder. “Tomorrow we’ll gather a team and send them in. It’s crucial for our survival that they’re rescued… or silenced, as soon as possible.”

“Will I be going?” Natsu asked. Great, if I’d even get to wash off the blood before being sent on another round, that would be nice. But the way Makarov said they had to be silenced wrenched his guts. I just don’t want to kill any more comrades, fucking damn it.

“No,” Makarov said. “We have other plans for you.”

Natsu squeezed his eyes shut, instantly knowing this would be worse.

“Well, what is it?”

“We’ll let you know as soon as the report is done,” Erza said. “I’m sorry, but we need to know what happened at Station 8.”

Lowering his gaze at the table, Natsu let his smoke burn on its own. Never before had he had issues giving reports, but now, he froze. I did what I must, he thought, still remembering the frightened screams before he pulled the trigger. I can’t help a casualty if I become a casualty, that’s the rule, but fuck, how can I fucking tell them?  

“I had to kill a citizen.”

Natsu brought the cigarette back to his lips as Makarov’s and Erza’s eyes shot into him. In disbelief, they stared at him, wondering if they’d heard right. But yes, they did.

“Here’s how it happened.” __________________________________________________________

// December 5th, Tuesday, 5:46 PM. City 17. //

It happened so fast.

As he lay hiding in the sewer tunnel, holding a gun tight against his chest, he still struggled to understand what was going on. What happened to the world he’d known? Who were these strange soldiers in white armour and gas masks hunting him for not having an ID to show? Why was his former employer speaking on the massive screens, mumbling something about our benefactors?   

Just how many years had passed since he had last walked on Earth?

Yet still, he held onto the gun he’d managed to steal. Next, he’d need armour – if he’d get his old hazard suit from Black Mesa, that would also be great, but perhaps it was too much to hope for. Perhaps there’d be a dead soldier lying somewhere he could borrow some equipment from, but before that, he didn’t have a chance of surviving in this strange, changed world. He had to figure it out. He had no other choice.

Then, he had to find his sons.

[starlite-sin]

System reactions to Case 3 and 4

I'm not gonna remember everyone so we're doing this. obvious spoilers but they're mostly out of context

3:

"Oh it's an internal narration. Lovely."

"He needs to calm down. Like a lot. We just got here and he's already yelling?"

"Man's is a surgeon from Vegas? He had more than enough help what was that?"

"He was lying to get out of it"

"Well he's a bitch."

"Kate needs to dump him."

"Doesn't she die?"

"Spoilers!"

"We've seen this. Multiple times."

"How many masked assailants do they have if these two aren't connected?"

"Why would a detective be out for a random creep?"

"Why are you trying to logic a horror series?"

"I need consistency."

"We don't know anything about this."

"People who watch daytime TV aren't real, Kent."

"He probably watches Judge Judy too."

"That's rude."

"Kinda telling when the only two tolerable guys in this mess are cops."

"Damn Norris talking about your friend like this?"

"Jack needs to die. Like now."

*Collective groan when Jack starts describing ANYTHING*

"And the award for best actors goes to..." (Listening to Kent and Norris talk to the Reeves)

"Why is he screaming!" (repeatedly)

(In terms of captions) "Why do we care what gun Norris uses?"

"Why is he using a revolver? Don't cops use pistols?"

"Somehow this isn't the weirdest thing."

"I really dislike CR. I don't know why."

"We were rooting for you man!"

4:

"Don't stop in the road!"

"If I had a nickels for every time I saw someone die cause they stopped in the middle of the road, I've have two nickels."

*collective* BEN!

"So wait, are they from Forest Lawn? Cause 'move closer to the family' implies not but Ben from the school says yes..."

*collective groan when Webb showed up*

"Close your mouth"

"The translation isn't right and it's driving me insane."

*At the doppelganger* "i fucking love this shit!"

"If you got a ten year old, who wanted to go to the cemetery, why would you drug yourself up?"

"...Was there a warning at the front of this?"

"No of course not."

"He said it wouldn't link to Sally's original story..."

"Oh lord."

"...Cthulhu?!"

"Why is Slenderman throwing hands with a squid?"

"It's a little late for the purity shit now, man."

"i think this guy (Klein) has mommy issues."

"I'm autistic too, Breen, and I've never thought of kidnapping a child."

"Kate's a simp!" (There's no Kate in this case, they were talking about an alter)

"Did they just...not realize their ill kid just...vanished? Like what did Aiden say when the O'Bannon's asked?"

"'Where we keep the food to feed the hungry' And you never saw the brick wall holding a body?"

"Now what purpose did that serve?" (Doppleganger killing Helen)

"Maybe not the serial killer, but he was still there so you can get that?"

"Billiam."

"They're just chanting random shit it's not even scary."

"Why is he screaming!"

"Cause he's about to die?"

"He looks like the journalist asshole from Spiderman."

"Ah he's catching onto cop cover-up shit."

"Of fucking course it's Lorrain Warren. Who else would it be?"

"Zac Bagans?"

"Honestly, that'd be funny as shit."

"This looks like AI."

[neonstatic]

[ID: Block of text that reads: "It finally happened! The day that we received a package from Breen was the best day since the pandemic started. The slim package that arrived in our mailbox was like a little slice of heaven sent to us from above. A simple mailer that held the truth of which we sought. Cinema. Kino. Joy. I looked at the package, my brow sweating with anticipation. I pursed my lips as I often do in the delicious moments before sipping an ice cold beer. This was just as good. Maybe better. The mailer was that of a simple man. It wasn't a fancy mailer. It wasn't padded nor did it have a design on it. In fact, the mailer the DVD arrived in was a cut up cereal box held together with duct tape. I smiled and whispered to myself, "That's the cup of a carpenter…". It was here. We received the new Neil Breen film. Was this a Blu-ray? No. This was a DVD-R burned on a computer. I smelled the disc and the jewel case. It smelled like 2003. I cried at the beauty of the whole embarrassing ordeal. It was like a hug from an old friend who had long since passed. A friend you never wanted to see again or allow to hug you. In my hand I held the new Neil Breen film. I couldn't wait to show the guys! I called Colin from Canada and told him to run to RLM HQ right quick to watch the film with us. He said, "oh, I've already seen it. It's terrible." And I called him a poutine-slurping, caesar-sipping canuck fuck and told him to get down here to Wisconsin right quick. He responded by saying, "I've got work and I'm watching my elderly neighbors diabetic cats and…" I just cut him off. I said, "Look you fucking prick, I have it. Let's watch it!" So he did come down, albeit unwillingly. What are Neil Breen films? They are moopies made by a man who is the weirdest man to ever live. He's the perfect oblivious filmmaker. Never getting better or evolving, only getting worse and more lazy and more old and more grandpa jeans. Neil Breen's films are always about a loner man that has special skills or knowledge above all other humans. There is often a babe involved in his films, although the sexuality is awkwardly placed and seems forced. The women usually look incredibly uncomfortable at the notion of being in love or even attracted to Neil Breen. Likewise, any romance on his part seems obligatory. I guess the thought is that a movie needs "romance" so he must add "romance" But he's no James Bond! Since this was Breen, we assumed this was worthy of a Best of the Worst Spotlight" episode. It couldn't simply be lumped into a regular three movie episode. Boy, were we fucking wrong. This pile of trash couldn't have been more disappointing. Breen has gone too far this time with the green screens! Who does he think he is!?! Peter Jackson? George Lucas? James Cameron?!? I mean, sure you can use a green screen sometimes… if you're making a fucking Avengers movie!!! But come on! Literally every background, outdoor location, and room is a stock image. A flat shot without movement. I can say that at the very least in some shots he created a foreground mask to make characters integrated into the frame by putting them behind objects, but really? While the story sucks, the acting is bad, it's boring and shitty, it's still a Neil Breen film and we have to love it as if it was our own cross-eyed inbred baby with no limbs.

Anyways, while I have you here, I own a timeshare in the Cayman Islands. It's in a nice part of town, but it's basically a 1.6 million dollar shack. One of the owners killed himself recently and now I'm stuck with paying his part due to a legal snafu. I don't quite understand it, but my lawyer Phillip Gorlon (no relation) tells me it'll cost me more in legal fees to get out of this timeshare than to just keep it. I tells him that I'm strapped for cash at the moment, what with the cost of eggs, covid tests, etc.. so my question to you is: Do you think Neil Breen might want to shoot his next film in the Cayman Islands? There's lots of beach (of course) some very interesting shooting locations and a lovely Indian restaurant called Southern Spice that has agreed to do catering, I can lease my place for $42,000 a day and his next film can be called "Island Crossing: Cade's Offshore Bank Account Scam" and it'll be a rip-roaring island adventure film about a man who travels to the Cayman Islands to find his lost love, but discovers corruption and injustice and fights for the people with the help of the A.I. chip in his brain. Best thing is if Breen did a Kickstarter for…. Let's say 1.6 million that could also cover what I'd charge in "insurance" for him to shoot in my Cayman Islands palatial estate. Just throwing that out there. I think the film would come out amazing and there's be very little green screen. But there's be lots of green for me if you know what I mean! Then I can finally dump this shitty timeshare property after stupid Rolando put a shotgun in his mouth. What a fucker. I mean, whose wife ISN'T having an affair in today's economy! - Krebs Gorlon." End ID]

they should invent a Pulitzer category for YouTube descriptions and give it to Mike Stoklasa every year

[hennythejetsmith]

I should've addressed that first line better 12/14

"Compartmentalize." That is what she said to me regarding my brother & the realization I was coming to about his relationship. "Throuple" is what my mom calls it, but I'm not so sure it is so. Our neighbors walk home with such force... like what the entire fuck caused you to, what seems like, try & crash your foot through the steps & into our living room. I could be complaining just because I'm awake, but what if she awakens because of this inconsiderate c*ck. Should I refrain from using that word? Those moments are no more clandestine than the "blackmail" my brother had on me. It was just a panel on hentai...nothing crazy...not like the woman sitting next to Breen & myself, frothing at the mouth, but we don't shame here.

"...It hasn't told us/About the gutters/or the suicides" - Charles Bukowski. He was always very raw; understood the transience enough to speak urgently. Almost as if the last grain of sand was a second too close & the glass would shatter, losing himself & time itself. He saw through the curtain, the double sided mirror that reflected happiness into the eyes of the blind. There's an impermanence you knew nothing of when you roamed through those elementary schools wide eyed, drinking your chocolate milk trading pokemon cards waiting for mom to pick you up in the soccer van; there are pigs in blankets & fries waiting for you & you know it. They won't tell you about how you are the pig, searching for the blanket before thrown into the slaughterhouse, mowed down for all that you have, even the scraps; the parts of you that you don't even want.. you're going to be used. They can't tell you that though, you're blissfully ignorant.. you were blissfully ignorant then & you're arrogantly ignorant now; have a drink & shut up.

I don't know what to read next. I should finish the book I started, but i'm somewhat in a rut right now. I should rotate elsewhere & come back. That's what we think, yeah? Yeah, answered all the characters that love to hang out. She's sleeping so peacefully. i'm almost jealous but i'm soon to pass out. These eyes tear up with every yawn. Maybe i'll have something interesting to say later, but right now... its bed time.

edit- I got a movado today & i'm really happy with the purchase. I'm going to buy some more clothes. goodnight

[fourstarsandahamster]

I posted 4,986 times in 2022

That's 4,986 more posts than 2021!

193 posts created (4%)

4,793 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@surrender-souls

@teeth-kid

@aceopod

@tonysopranobignaturals

@dino-man

I tagged 422 of my posts in 2022

#max headroom - 76 posts

#tmitf - 59 posts

#twenty minutes into the future - 47 posts

#edison carter - 45 posts

#bryce lynch - 41 posts

#theora jones - 35 posts

#jenposting - 31 posts

#20mitf - 29 posts

#20 minutes into the future - 27 posts

#half life - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 120 characters

#get you a mans who talks about you the way hipsters talk about that one underground indie-rock band they found on lastfm

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

hc that gordon freeman never actually passed his drivers test. like he is ABHORRENTLY BAD at driving. all the security at black mesa knew him as either "barney's friend" or "the scientist who almost totalled a government vehicle" and this is why the car controls in hl2 are so jank. alyx has tried teaching him and he has gotten a little bit better but everyone still prefers that literally anyone else drive. in this essay i will

91 notes - Posted July 14, 2022

#4

babe wake up new out of touch thursday dropped

94 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

#3

AND IF YOU SEE DR BREEN

TELL HIM I SAID

FUCK YOU

94 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#2

kleiner really said kill cops fuck bitches

173 notes - Posted August 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

249 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[redtailfins]

Addicted to listening to Barney voicelines

[adriyanibelikov]

BARNEY: And if you see Dr. Breen, tell him I said f*ck you!

[Credits to Antoine Delak]

[bunny-heels]

Listen I know it's late so sorry for the inconvenience but. I wish to hear your gman shulathoi hcs and ideas because they're all SO GOOD and I'd love to hear your thoughts

OKAY. SO.

i got this ask at around 1:40 am. it is 8 am. im. :]

TL:DR for those who dont wanna read a fucking essay novel

Shu'us and Vortigaunts are actually allies and have an unspoken respect for one another

G-Man was born out of the Shu'us who escaped the Combine

he has over 600 siblings

parents are dead. very common for that to happen in their species after birth

seen as the leader for their plan because his mind was more complex and unpredictable compared to his siblings

he was only emotionally attached to his siblings and Elders for the longest time

likes birds because they remind him of his species

felt an emotional and spiritual attachment to Alyx specifically because she was seen as a golden child and had a very big imagination, just like him and how he was seen by the Elders

wanted to take Alyx into his care immediately after the Citadel blew but the Elders stopped that by having the Vorts step in

turned out it was because he had ideas of how to actually get her on board but he thought the Elders wouldve rejected them

Elders decide to listen to him and thats how HL:A happens

also hates Breen viciously because of how he treats Shu'ulathoi larvas with the Combine

also is already very used to humans hating him because hes aware he caused all this hell

just wants things to be better tbh but hes a scary looking man so you wouldnt know that at first glance

if you wanna skip that though and read my fuckin cringe narrative fic then go ahead :]

we're gonna start with stuff given to us by the breengrub twitter.

the Shu'ulathoi got infected by a virus which greatly affected the weaker of the species and submitted them to the Combine so the stronger ones had to flee.

and those stronger Shu'us probably went to go breed stronger Shu'us so that they don't get infected with the virus as well, so they won't be victims to the Combine.

it's also said that Shu'us can choose the form they have when they are being developed, so they have their own form when they are born.

when they're young they can only talk telepathically to other Shu'us, when they've matured they then can talk to others.

Shu'us aren't material-centered creatures, whatever they can come up with in their minds and imagination is bigger and better than anything physically given to them in the world.

whatever Shu'us have been bred now that aren't part of the Combine are not the bad guys, they aren't larvas who are hellbent on getting other races and species eradicated, and they aren't children forever. they can grow and learn and be their own person, mature and get better at their abilities, most of all they fight against the Combine Shu'us.

also, Elder Shu'us had already made acquaintance with Vortigaunts millions of years ago, due to their similarities. they have an unspoken alliance together because of it. it's why there is never really an ill will shown between them in the games.

going with that-

G-Man is one of those stronger bred Shu'us. He was born in a clutch of about 630+ siblings. all of which either reside secretly as any of the Earth's species, or work along side the Elder Shu'us. both parents are deceased.

G's siblings look up to him the most because he's had that view placed on him since before he was even hatched. that he'd be the one leading his race to freedom and to stop the Combine. he's been placed on a pedestal from a very young age.

and it's all because of his head. when his egg was laid and the Elders were able to look into his mind, he clearly wasn't anything like his siblings. his imagination and mind was like the crystal he sent to Xen, unpredictable and no telling what would happen in there.

what you saw in HL:A was merely a glimpse of what the inside of his head looked like, what it sounded like, what it felt like.

that's why you never see anyone else like him, because even though his siblings also have wild minds and have the abilities that he has, they can't do it like he can. the Elders loved all the children equally, but it was clear from the start that he was the golden child.

but none of his siblings hated him for it or anything. they saw him as a good thing. he was their leader and savior, jealousy was never something in their mind, they new better than that.

and everything was going very well, for all of them. they had their leader, they had their kind masters, they all had each other, and they had a battleground they could work with, which was Earth. which they probably went to around in the 1600s maybe? probably earlier than that. they've always been there, but hid it so well. IF someone did find out, it was dismissed as just being 'alien myths', so it was fine.

but a species with intelligence will, obviously, still have emotions and thoughts attached to them. it wasn't just G-Man that went through them, of course, his siblings also followed. those who went to Earth as humans grew to have friends and even families, albeit maybe with adopted children or none at all, the ones who were animals grew to love any owners or animal packs they had. and obviously, the ones who stayed with the Elders considered them to be like their parents, a huge family.

G-Man never really got close to any humans, however. not emotionally. he had people who considered him a 'pal' or a work buddy or acquaintance, people who would just ramble to him about their troubles like he was a statue, or enjoyed being with him on their breaks because he was calm. but he never personally considered them close to him. he felt family love for his siblings and friendship towards any species that were allied with them, and that was it. he did at least like birds though. especially crows. he thought they were lovely to watch and fun to look after in his spare time. but that was that.

not that he didn't like humans, but it was that he held his grip as a leader, he worked in the shadows, he saw humans like teammates and soldiers. he could befriend them, get comfy with them, but he had a job. it wasnt like a normal one, but it was a role he took nonetheless.

but whatever took place at Black Mesa felt like fate to him. not just with them experimenting on the borderworld, having connections to the military, being extremely influential on the government, among other factors. but the people. they were an extreme key factor. they way the staff, scientists, security guards, engineers, mechanics, all worked together and got to know one another, despite them being in such different sectors, levels, different branches of their work entirely, yet they so cleanly kept their works private and within their own areas, was extremely fascinating to him. like ants.

talking with a group of scientists while they worked in their labs, chatting with one of his assigned security guards while they walked him to the next sector, introducing himself to Breen and his associates. something about it, how they worked and lived together. it felt like home. like a human, more fragile version of home.

that's when he met the Vance family. obviously, with the sector of where the experiment was being conducted, he had to meet with the staff there regularly. so he became close to Kleiner and Eli as even a bit more than pals. Kleiner probably would've considered him a friend even, saying that he wished he could meet Gordon personally, he probably would like him. Barney too, maybe. Eli had no ill feelings towards G' at the time. he thought he was a decent guy, more friendly than most government officials were for sure. so friendly in fact that he even got to speak with Eli's wife, and mother of their only child, Azian.

she came around a few times during break hours at the cafeteria, and sometimes the labs. she was a kind woman, liked to sit next to Eli when they were at a table or stand next to him at the counters. and she was great to have conversations with. she herself was a scientists, but in a different branch of the facility, and was allowed to take time off of work to raise their child, same with Eli, but he was forced sometimes to get to work because otherwise he'd never leave their kid alone.

and speaking of the kid, G' did eventually meet her.

it was a day when Azian was visiting Eli at the labs, and she had no babysitter to look after their daughter. children were never allowed in the facilities, except in the more safer areas for high paying school fieldtrips. Azian and their daughter were an exception due to them living in the dorm houses of the facility plus being staff. G' was visiting the labs as well with Breen at the time, and walking in, that was when he saw an extremely small child standing at the legs of her parents.

Alyx.

Azian apologized for bringing her in, not knowing they were both coming, but Breen quickly assured her it was fine, as long as G' didn't see a problem with it, which he didn't. he didn't mind children, he had to look after a few of them in his time on Earth, and most times they enjoyed his company and he enjoyed theirs. he did a fairly small introduction to her, so that she wouldnt be too afraid of him.

but he obviously was taken aback when she ran up to him and began making circle around his legs, stopping at his feet and giving a very excited 'hello'. she made her way to a counter next to him and climbed it, with Azian and Eli obviously worried she would hurt herself, and she stood up top the counter, exclaiming how tall he was, and pale, and super official looking, and that he had weird eyes, and that his hand must hurt from holding his briefcase, and eventually Azian had to grab her in her arms and both her plus Eli apologized, saying that she was a very curious and energized child. Breen laughed it off, saying how it was sweet of her to be so open and friendly. G' merely looked at her with slightly big eyes, and a very slight smile, saying

"she's a very interesting child, definitely."

something along those lines. but his thought about her were way more than that. complex, confusing, all over the place, so many trains running at the same time in his head going in impossible ways.

the most weird one had to be that he felt a sort of similarity to her.

the rest of the times that he had seen Alyx, her personality was so strong. she was curious, inventive, interested in so many things, she loved to participate in anything, she had so many ideas of her own, and importantly, her parents looked very highly to her. Eli praised her constantly, not just for how cute she was, but her bright mind and high imagination. and Azian thought she was so incredibly talented, always catching her drawing and coming up with her own ways to have fun with anyone she was with, or if she was on her own. he even heard stories about how kind and helping she was towards others, adults and children alike. she never wanted anyone to feel alone or helpless, she loved making others happy and finding her own ways to bring their spirits up. her parents held her up in such high states, they already had plans on where she'd go for schooling, and said that, no matter what she took as a career, they knew she was going to be the best at.

it felt like there was nothing she could do to ever disappoint them.

maybe thats why he felt so similar to her.

maybe thats why he felt this connection, like they shared something within the both of them, mentally, spiritually.

G' already knew he was meeting his destination. the crystals, the military, the researchers. he felt something similar when he found Gina and Colette, who seemed attached to the hip and could rely on each other. when he found Adrian and had the feeling that he could be someone greater with his abilities and power to adapt to survive. he even felt this with Gordon, knowing his vocal disability and that he had the luck of some sort of deity.

but it felt more than that. it didnt just feel like he met fate, it felt like he'd crashed into it like a brick wall. that little girl, without herself knowing, was someone special and unique, was strong in will and mind, was stubborn and determined, was brave and filled with courage, and she barely backed down from anything. this wasn't just child naivety or blissful ignorance. this was more than that.

that was the key.

she was a key to everything he needed. that last little piece to complete his puzzle.

and he wasn't going to throw any of that away.

but he also didnt want to abuse it.

he stayed out of her sight the rest of her life after the Cascade. he never even showed up to her when Eli and her got to safety and where able to find the rest of their survived friends. it was all part of the plan, the big idea to take place. plus if he even tried to go near anyone, especially her, Eli would've tried to grab him by the throat. he could take him, but he didnt want the hassle, and didnt want Alyx to worry anymore for her fathers health than she already had to deal with.

but he kept a close eye on her and watched as she grew, physically and mentally, emotionally and socially. to say he was excited about it, it wouldnt be the right word, not his context. he was proud. he was so proud of her for turning out to be the best she could have become in the situation she was placed in. he couldnt have been happier about it.

but he did go on to wonder

if this hadn't happened, and there were no dangers out there for her to worry about, and he never was in her life, what she would've been like. obviously he knew that, he looked into it admittedly, he was curious. he saw that reality in everyone he took an interest in, he wanted to know, it was only fair.

it was more of how he personally felt about it. would he have been happy staying content with the family he had now, of tens of Elders and hundreds of siblings. or would he have eventually longed for something greater. something like Gina and Colette, they were not blood related but shared a special bond. something like Gordon and Adrian, finding others not part of his gene pool that could survive like they could.

something like Alyx, where it felt like he looked into a distorted fuzzy spiritual mirror of himself.

of course, the Elders knew about it, and although they were worried as to what that could mean for the plan, G' had assured them thoroughly that, no matter what he felt towards any of the humans he encountered, it would never disrupt the plan.

but the concern was still there. and it worsened when the Citadel exploded and they had Freeman in stasis. because it meant that Alyx was still there, untouched, not bothered by the flow of time or the aftermath of the explosion. that wasnt part of it, and they got wind that he was going to do something to Freeman, probably send him out on his own while he collected Alyx. but it wasnt the right time.

why he'd want to collect her at that time is a mystery. maybe he thought it was the only opportunity he had to get to her, to have her joins his side. but it wasnt the right way. his impulses got the better of him. so the Elders contacted the only ones who wouldve been able to do something about it. Vorts came in their aid, and Alyx and Gordon were out of his grasps until he was reminded of what he had to do.

he told them he thought there was no other way of getting at her. that any idea that he suggested wouldve been refused and that he had to do at least something. the Elders realized they really had no choice, and listened to whatever ideas he had in mind.

and thats how everything past Alyx's revival happened. it was all planned out and needed to be done.

he knew she wouldnt like it, wouldnt agree to it, wouldnt be able to understand why he had to do what was done, but he knew it was for the better, that she'd one day be able to see why somethings were the way they were, and why she needed to do what she'd done to that Advisor. one day she'd know, and she'd be in a better position, with those she loved by her side. and he knew he wasnt one of them. but he was content in knowing she'd be in her own life, with her own family, and happy. besides, he was used to not being liked, what with Eli no longer trusting him, and Breen hating him for bring Gordon back to destroy the Combine. although he shouldve seen that coming given he and that army were using his species like biological weapons, like they did with everything else.

but things would be different. one day. and he and the humans and vortigaunts and all other species wouldnt have to worry anymore.

one day.

[vaspider]

Love the blorbo playlist! Which character has Standing by VNV Nation?

This is a very old ask, oops! (And btw I added a bunch of stuff to the playlist earlier this week.)

"Standing" belongs to Alethea Ruth Medes, my Starfleet Engineer. Medes was assigned to a station near a temporal anomaly, met Havaris Kusto (now Havaris Medes Kusto), converted to Prophet worship, married a Resistance veteran who was exiled from Bajor because Politics and had ended up in Starfleet, went through a ton of time/alternate timelines shenanigans, had her hair burned off so many times by Unfortunate Accidents that she just started shaving her head (seriously, her dice are either Amazing or Terrible), got Havaris un-exiled, went through the Dominion War, lost her mother in the Breen attack on Earth, helped liberate Betazed, was assigned off of the station when I broke up with the abusive cock who ran the game in question, he wrote a reality where time broke up Havaris and Medes, someone else took over the game a few years ago and then we said "fuck you Kevin" and fixed the timeline with the Orb of Time, and now she just got assigned command of a joint operations base in the Delta Quadrant.

All the time shenanigans make the song kind of ironic, but.

Look at this nerd. She's going to be so annoyed when Ross tells her she has to wear red now. At least she gets more pips.

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

PSA- Gordon Freeman is not actually q hero but more a psychopath/sociopath

Freeman is the villian. And Breen is a hero.

Think about it. In Half Life 1 (or Black Mesa, whichever) he, and 4 other scientists (50/50 maybe on eli and Kleiner) start the cascade. Then Freeman goes through the facility, killing all the aliens, who probably have no fucking clue what to do and so they're just acting on instinct, and then starts killing the Marines.

Said Marines have family! They're following orders, doing their job how they were told to do. They had little free will in their actions, because had they failed they probably would have been educatedly beaten, or discharged (most likely dishonorably). Freeman, who has more free will than you might think, starts killing them. That's pretty fucked up, cause what are the higher ups going to tell the families? That some anorexic traffic cone killed them? And then of course Freeman goes into Xen and starts fucking things up there, killing the aliens in their habitats, and also fucking up the Vortigaunts lives by destroying some of their homes, not to mention in black mesa, after killing the telepathic aliens, he lands killing one vort's spouse.

And then, in Half Life 2, he's sent to the future and is prompted to start killing the metrocops, who by the way, ALSO HAVE FAMILIES. These cops are following orders under the punishment of their family being taken hostage, or killed, or same done to the cops, or to both the cop and the family. And there is a high chance that a few of the families of the Marines Freeman killed are also working with him. And there's an approximate 33% chance that they were told he was the motherfucker who killed their child/spouse/parent. And the vorts? Freeman now has to assume that they are on his side, when just a few hours ago they were slaughtering scientists and trying to kill him. And so now we've got a slurry of people who most likely know just how much of a fucker he is, but are still working with him.

And Freeman coming into City 17? He fucked up a lot of civilian's lives by going through their apartments, and because he kept on the run, he also got a lot of refugees captured and or killed, and got a lot of bases scoped out.

There's also Nova Prospekt, the jail where any criminal of any kind got put. He (and Alyx, too) caused it to fucking explode, probably killing every civilian in there, whether or not their crimes deserved it.

And then, because of all his actions, Freeman's fucked up everyones lives even more by getting the Alien Military involved, and some rebels who have no idea whether or not Freeman's gonna get them killed.

In the Episodes, its his (and Alyx's, with the Combines help, too) fault for causing a whole ass city to explode, killing however many civilians hadn't been evacuated. They may have slowed the explosion, but in reality it was only long enough for them to escape. It's also partly Gordon's fault for Alyx's fatal wounds, as he never help get her in a safe spot, and he sat under the porch as Alyx got the shit stabbed out of her. He had the ability to help. Now it is also partly Alyx's fault for not getting herself to a safer spot, don't get me wrong.

I'm not pinning too much on Alyx, due to the fact that she grew up surrounded by Combine, and the last she knew of her mother was at Black Mesa before Azian died, and one of the most traumatizing things she's probably witnessed, if she can even remember it, was the 7 hour war. She hates the Combine, and its fair game because the Combine are colonializing bastards who kilked about 80% of mankind, but I don't believe she has too much a good reason to be killing the MC's because Barney is one of them (she doesn't kill any at the beginning of Half Life 2, the Metros would have flatlined upon death, she merely knocks them out to get to Gordon, most likely out of fear that if she had killed them she would have killed Barney too, so knocking them out would have been easier to stomach than finding out she killed Barney.) She's going along with how shes been raised. Its not her fault for her decisions to attack the Combine, nor is it really her fault for killing the MC's later on because she had been raised to believe that they deserved to die.

Breen is a hero because he stopped the 7 hour war, potentially saving what few billion people was left. He made a pact, got people situated in housing, there seemed to be only wanted homelessness, meaning everyone had the opportunity to have a home to live in, food was avaliable to all, and everyone was safe. No fighting. No mass murders of millions. The constant relocations is sketchy, sure, but they always had food and drink. There probably weren't taxes. No jobs either, it seened, unless you wanted to be a cop.

Freeman was just a dick.

Pm me if you wanna fight this

[riathedreamer]

You asked for it: live thoughts from Ria and @creatrixanimi​ watching RvB Zero.

So, after having a movie night the day before (third movie night in a week, actually, we are very productive) watching Neil Breen movies and “Cool Cat”, it was now time to touch upon Zero. Sadly, Zero does not belong in the “so bad it’s good” category, but alas, Ria had to spoil Haley’s innocence.

This is not a proper edited review, but just snippets of our live reaction while watching the thing together. We are not drunk, but this continued way past midnight for Ria, so maybe her brain isn’t fully functioning. Also, Ria is a potty mouth because cursing is easy when it’s not your native language. Enjoy.

Episode 1:

Ria: I can’t figure out if they were trying to do a Grif and Simmons parallel with those two random guards talking outside, the ones with the Wash retconning.

Haley: Their armor doesn’t cover their noses. 

Ria: That’s gotta be cold. Frostbitten noses.

...

Haley: There is no exposition. Like, it feels like the writers had their idea and know what is going on, but we don’t so it just feels weird and random. It feels like a Marvel movie.

Ria: Is that a compliment? I haven’t watched Marvel.

Haley: Not a good one.

 ...

Ria: This episode isn’t that bad in itself. But it’s just there to establish that the OG characters can’t beat this new villain, but the new guys can, and, urgh.

 ...

Episode 2:

[The shot focuses on One’s behind.]

Ria’s dirty mind: Ass.

 ...

Ria: STOP CALLING HIM DAVID.

...

Ria: I like this character, but I don’t remember his name.

Haley: Raymond.

Ria: This is why we need a name system like with the Freelancers and states. Should’ve just been numbers all the way through. Except Eleven, you fucking whore.

 ...

Haley at the sight of Raymond’s phone: It’s so big.

Ria: It’s the future. I can believe it.

 ...

Ria: Here’s the thing driving me crazy. Axel is a normal name in Denmark. But like, only old people use it. I know two Axels and they are both older than eighty. So that’s when I think of when I see Axel.

 ...

[After the whole training montage where we are introduced to the characters, we are still confused.]

Ria: I can’t remember their names.

Haley: Well, they didn’t show all of them. They didn’t show One.

Ria: They did!

Haley: They did?

Ria: Wow. So we got all that tell and no show, and we are still confused.

 ...

Haley: When it comes to genre, it’s actually not that bad with the narrated tell and don’t show. If it wanted to be a cheesy/bad action movie, that’s a trope that’s used relatively frequently in the genre. It’s a bad action movie. But it’s not RvB. It’s kinda like a particularly bad Marvel movie.

Ria: You’re really not selling me on the Marvel movies tonight.

 ...

Ria: I know I’m just a sucker for Joe, but I keep thinking of s15. Like, here they just use the files as a cheap way to introduce the characters. But like, in s15, Dylan just read out loud Grif’s file, and it was not to introduce him, but like, to show the complexity of the characters and go against the files? I don’t know, it just seems way cooler now.

 ...

[After the whole “what’s East’s deal” scene, we were so confused. Literally paused for five minutes trying to figure who was whose dad and why and what. How many daughters did Axel have? And where are they? We were just lost. Future Haley: Him waxing poetic about his daughters while watching the two girls in his team train confused me like I thought he was talking about East and One and couldn’t count sdfghjk. Future Ria: I’d even watched the show before and I was still confused.]

Ria: I can’t figure out if they’re too fast or if we’re just stupid.

Haley: It’s like I’m trying to remember the details but it all slips through my fingers.

Ria: The whole Zero experience is to feel too old for this shit.

 ...

Ria: STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM DAVID

 ...

One: This is how it’s done, grandma.

Ria: Fuck you.

 ...

Episode 3:

Haley: People would like it if they love dumb action shows. It works as a mindless action show.

 ...

Haley: So this is a temple?

Ria: I hate the worldbuilding. Is this the same planet as before? Like, Chorus had temples, but it also had lore about it. Is this the same sort of temples?

Haley: So shouldn’t this temple have its own key? Why do they need to include Tucker? It makes no sense for the temple to require a totally different sword from a different planet.

Ria: So they could beat him up ‘cause OG characters are weak now.

 ...

Haley: I don’t like the training scenes. They are so long and boring.

Ria: This is like the third episode where they are training. Holy shit.

 ...

Haley: It’s not that bad. But if you like Red vs. Blue, it’s not something for you. They aren’t really comparable.

Ria: I just don’t understand what they wanted to continue for Red vs. Blue. Like, it’s not the worldbuilding or the plot or the characters. I just don’t get it.

 ...

Haley: Raymond is the best character.

Ria: I like Raymond.

Haley: He’s RvB. He should be the main character.

 ...

Ria: Did East just use the “I’m not like the other (girls)” line?

Haley: I don’t like her. She’s a brat. Why did Carolina have to apologize? They were just training, this is something she’s gonna have to deal with on a daily basis lmao.

Ria: Didn’t Carolina have a cast on her arm? It’s gone now. I can’t keep up with the timeline. So, she’s healed, but how long was Wash gone? They are so vague about everything. Worldbuilding, timeline, motivations.

 ...

Ria: …Did Carolina just say she’d suit up? While wearing a full armor suit?

 ...

[And this is where the cursed part takes place. To talk, we’d often pause the thing. Here, I randomly paused during the introduction for Starlight Laboratories. There’s a desk in the shot. With a fucking marker on it.]

Haley: That’s a Crayola marker. That’s a Crayola marker on the table.

Ria: Glad we can appreciate the details by pausing.

[Haley then missed the entire Axel flashback scene because she was too busy looking up pictures of Crayola markers. When this is revealed, Ria lost it for like, three minutes]

Haley: I had that marker as a kid. 

Ria: So 4/5 stars for the marker?

Haley: They were supposed to smell like blueberries or something but they just smelled like chemicals.

Ria: This is the most excited we’ve been about Zero so far.

[Future Haley: I was literally laugh-crying you dont understand. This was the best part of the show.]

...

Episode 4:

Ria: They all have super powers. It’s so weird.

Haley: I keep thinking they are gonna explain stuff. But they don’t. So I’m just confused.

 ...

[Haley has now brought forth all the markers in her room to find a Crayola one. She drops them all on the floor. Ria loses it again.] [Future Haley update: I found a yellow one it smells like lemons :)]

 ...

Ria: They are all glowing and have super powers. It’s weird. Like, I know we had super powered armor before but that was all connected to AIs. I don’t get how all of this works. They don’t have AIs.

 ...

[We both agree that we enjoy Raymond and Tiny. Bless them.]

 ...

Ria: It’s weird. The dialogue is so oblivious, it comments on its own mistakes. Like, Carolina just acknowledged Wash has had a computer in his head before. But they don’t acknowledge the whole canonical lore about his trauma regarding computers in his head and why he’d hate this. Same with the name David. They just noticed that it’s his first name and that’s how they’d show how close Carolina is with him, but they didn’t acknowledge the canon lore that Wash dislikes people using his first name.

 ...

Episode 5:

Haley: Why didn’t they use Locus’ sword instead. It’d make more sense. He’s the one travelling around planets and wanting to help people?? 

Ria: What’s the worldbuilding here? Is Tucker on the same planet? Is this Earth? Chorus?

 ...

Haley: Gotta love it when they make Tucker hit on teenagers.

Ria: Oh god why did they make East 18.

 ...

Haley: They should have done something with the Warthog song, even if that’s a Red Team thing.

Ria: I miss Red Team.

 ...

Ria: Wait, so if these three swords are connected, why can the two first ones move by themselves and they have like super powers connected to them? When Tucker’s sword is just boring? They didn’t even make a joke about how the two new swords are longer than Tucker’s.

 ...

Tucker: I’m fine, I have my sword.

Ria: That line is so tragic in hindsight.

 ...

One: It’s Tucker. He is dead.

Carolina: Oh my god.

Haley: *laughs her ass off*

 ...

Haley: I don’t understand why anyone is doing anything.

Ria: Your brain is still thinking about that fucking marker.

 ...

Episode 6:

Ria: The dialogue did it again! Wash just said “amazing medical tech”. Like, he points out a plot hole. Because that amazing tech can heal brain injuries and bring people back from death, but East had to be tortured for years to heal her vague illness? Like, why couldn’t their amazing tech fix that.

 ...

[While watching the design of the temple.]

Ria: It looks like those are just plates glued to the wall. Dinner is served.

 ...

Haley: There is no logical reason why they brought in Tucker. His sword isn’t even from this planet.

Ria: To lure in fans.

 ...

Haley in a very sad voice: The speech wasn’t good.

 ...

Episode 7:

Ria: Is all of this happening on the same planet? They keep driving. The worldbuilding is so weird. At least earlier RvB made a joke about how they could just drive everywhere. This is like a big desert, a training base, laboratory, city and temples and Tucker’s workplace, and I don’t know if it’s even on the same planet.

 ...

Ria: Diesel is just standing there waiting while they outfit Carolina.

Haley: It’s like a video game.

 ...

Ria: The temple’s walls are filled with runes.

Haley: It feels like a free/bought asset. It doesn’t even look like the temples on Chorus. It looks like something in WoW or something like that.

Ria: It’s driving me mad. I can read runes! Imagine a big boss fight and the freaking alphabet is plastered on the walls. That’s what I’m looking at.

 ...

Haley: Zero is such a boring villain. It’s not interesting when we don’t know what this “power” actually is or what he wants to do with it.

 ...

Ria: That’s the helmet Spencer wore.

Haley: Oh god I forgot about him.

Ria: So did the writers.

Haley: Spencer should have been the real villain.

 ...

Haley: *sees the random model of the temple guardian alien* I miss Santa.

 ...

Episode 8:

Ria: The aliens are just dancing in the background while Carolina is fighting Diesel.

Haley laughing: Oh my god, they are. They are just jumping up and down.

 ...

Ria: So, the villain just turned overpowered, and the solution is that Raymond just flicks a switch we haven’t heard about and now the heroes are overpowered too?

Haley: It just makes them shiny. And like... they don’t even use the “power”, they don’t fight him with their powers which only some of them have, they just shoot their ordinary guns at him while doing unnecessary flips.

Ria: I just remembered Church’s dick switch. That had more dramatic buildup.

 ...

Axel: You’re too cocky for that.

Ria’s dirty brain: Cock.

 ...

Post Zero thoughts:

[Ria returns from bathroom break and Haley is proudly showing off her marker over video cam.]

Haley: There was too much going on so I just focused on the marker.

Ria: So how many stars would you give it?

Haley: It’s really bad.

Ria: How many stars for marker representation?

Haley: Three out of five. It was only there for a second.

 ...

Haley: In the beginning, it wasn’t that bad. It was dumb, but also fun and sorta cool. But then it just went on for too long and they didn’t explain anything properly and it stopped being fun really fast. But I can see why some people might enjoy it. Like, you’d love it for its action but only that. Not for plot and/or the character writing.

Ria: I think my biggest problem is the worldbuilding. They kept everything so vague because they didn’t want to connect, not really. Like, where is this happening? When? Why are Carolina and Wash there? Like, the motivations for all the characters were so vague as well.

 ...

Haley: Raymond was great. He had personality and some good lines. And he felt like RvB. Like, he used his brain and actually got shit done, but he also wasn’t over-powered. He followed a similar character arc to what the Reds and Blues had. He sucks at fighting but he’s efficient and smart in a practical way with his rocket launcher. He does the most and he doesn’t stop being a goofball! Even Zero was focused on stopping him the most at the end. And he didn’t need to do any stupid flips.

 ...

Haley: The borrowed assets annoyed me. It ended up looking stupid, like, the temple felt more like fantasy than science fiction. And nothing like Chorus. And normally, RvB doesn’t have to worry about being cohesive because all of the designs are from Halo so it all makes sense and it’s connected. But this is just so random it feels distracting, I feel like this is a big reason people felt that Zero was so jarring… but on a subconscious level. It just felt off and there was no cohesive design. Also everything looked like it was made for video games and not modified at all for the show.

 ...

Haley: Honestly I was optimistic at first but then I got confused really fast and it kept getting worse because it was so fast. They didn’t explain stuff properly or at all. Like, they made it too big. Should have been smaller. I thought going with the “Starlight Labs is evil and needs to go down” plot would have been A LOT better and would have tied together multiple aspects of the story that the temple plot didn’t.

Ria: If I had the power which I don’t, I dunno, but I if the main point was to introduce new characters, I’d keep them tied to lore and worldbuilding we already know. So we don’t get so confused and it doesn’t feel so disconnected. Like, I’m still in love with the idea that it should have been Carolina on Chorus dealing with these soldiers who have been fighting all their lives and now don’t have to do that anymore. But maybe Chorus still needing an army, and that’s why she is training it. I don’t know, but like, familiar, build on what we know. And then they wouldn’t be superpowered, but like, just competent-ish but normal soldiers and we’d get to know them better, but I just think Zero just wanted them to be these super cool soldiers even better than Carolina so they could pull off all the fight scenes. ‘Cause it’s all Zero has going for it. The fight scenes. It’s its strength and weakness ‘cause they sacrificed everything else to look cool. And it does. But it’s boring and there is nothing else going on.

 ...

Ria: I’m still so annoyed about the temples. Why are they there? Like, on Chorus it was a big thing, also plotwise, but it had lore connected to it and the worldbuilding explained it. So, where are these temples? A different planet, right? Is it the same aliens? Are people just cool with the temples? Why haven’t they been explored before. Chorus made sure to explain all of that.

 ...

Haley: The West and East scene-

Ria: Feast.

Haley: Confused me. ‘cause West didn’t really regret anything. He just said why he did it. And then all of the sudden East forgave him and rejoined the team. It was so weird. He doubled down on the thing she hated him for so much I was like “Wow he’s kinda an asshole” and then all of a sudden she was on his side? What?

 ...

Haley: Zero does its job if you want action and nothing else. And it’s not RvB. Don’t watch it if you like RvB. And I just want to acknowledge that we are nitpicking. Quite a bit. I’ll admit that. But, I wouldn’t nitpick the other RvB seasons the same way because the old RvB never took itself seriously the way Zero did.

Ria: I agree. We are nitpicking. But like, that’s why we have the movie nights.

Haley: But we are also allowed to criticize it. You can do that with any season. And with the other seasons, you could nitpick it and you can find stuff you don’t like, but there are always stuff you do like or that other people like. I just can’t find anything about Zero that I like. Besides Raymond.

Ria: Yeah. Like, I really love 15. And it had so many flaws people pointed out. And when it comes to criticism and Zero, I just don’t see many points about why people like it. They are allowed to do that though. But, like, we could have a movie night where we watch the Chorus seasons and we’d nitpick so much because we both have issues with it, but there is still so much stuff we’d still like.

Haley: I like Raymond though. He’s like Grimmons lovechild.

Ria: No. Fuck you. Don’t put that in my brain.

 ...

Haley: Raymond being in this… I want to say it feels like the Freelancers seasons but if Grif was part of the team or something. But that’s just “Hit and Run”. *laughs*

Ria: NO! That’s cursed. Shut up. Also, the Freelancers were way better written.

Haley: And those seasons made better sense.

Ria: And like, the Freelancer seasons did the thing with change of tone and have these new and super cool characters and fight scenes. But they kept half of the seasons to be around the Reds and Blues so we still had the humor and the dumbasses, and Zero just, it didn’t connect.

 ...

Haley: So, I have some thoughts on Zero.

Ria: I know, you fuck, I had to write them all down by hand.

Haley: I like bad movies, actually, but Zero didn’t stay fun, so no, I didn’t enjoy it.

 ...

Ria: Do you forgive me for making you watch Zero?

Haley: Yeah.

Ria: What should we watch next?

...

Also, Haley dressed up her dog for the event and you all deserve to see her:

[everybodylovesrand]

Rafe Judkins Q and A

Q: Who’s the most significant S1 character you invented for the show?

A: There’s no one fully invented. Anyone “new” is either a character pulled from somewhere in the series and changed or a composite of groups or types of characters personified in one individual. Other than STEVE. Obviously.

Q: How difficult was it to change or leave out characters from the books for screen adaptation

A: Sometimes very difficult, obviously. People who drive the story or shed light on our characters’ back stories or the world of the show always will be more likely to make an appearance. But some people are there in glimpses or subtle nods just for our enjoyment. Some extras were named as characters and given things / looks from the books, so keep your eyes peeled

Q: How many times did i give you blank stares when discussing possible changes?

A: This one is obviously from Sarah N. There were moments when a thrilled room full of writers would go “we’ve cracked it! It’s amazing! But can ‘insert book canon person/place/thing’ be ‘insert noncanon idea’ instead?” And Sarah’s resounding, withering stare would tell us to go back to the drawing board. RIP Perrin talking to a bear.

Q: In the books we always enter the story on the wind, will that be a convention we see a lot?

A: We’ve tackled the wind in the Pilot inr what I think at least, ha is an unexpected but rewarding way. Excited to see what you all think of it.

Q: Do you have to change character personalities for a screen adaption?

A: We try not to. Most of our job is about making sure that we create a story and scenes that can tell the audience about character motivations and WHY they’re doing something they’re doing when we can’t just drop into their head and say it like you can in a book. This often results in some of the biggest “changes”, but they’re ultimately put in to make sure that the character on screen is as emotionally true as possible

Q: Were there any changes in earlier drafts of scripts that were scrapped in final version?

Yes, tons. We are never afraid to try something and see if it works. But then that has to also go through Sarah and Me (I drive the writers as crazy as anyone with sticking to the books). It also A: then goes to Brandon Sanderson, Harriet McDougal, and Maria Simons, who’ve been huge helps in checking us and helping us go back to the drawing board on changes (or many times,

saying “that works” and giving us permission to release a tiny sigh of relief)

Q: Are there some major characters that appear in the first book that won’t appear in the first season?

A: Yes. And some of them are still slated to appear in later seasons (again, approaching the adaptation of the series, not just each book individually). A few of these characters I bet you already expect this for, and one, at least, I think will surprise you.

Q: Have there been any major locations or cities you’ve had to cut for budget/time/logistics?

A: This is perhaps the biggest source of changes for us. Even with the massive amount of money Amazon has kindly given us to bring this world to life, to go to as many unqiue cities/villages/locations as they do in the books is simply impossible. We have chosen to do a few places extremely well (both culturally and with production design) instead of doing dozens of places cheaply and badly. This results in many changes that have huge ripple effects (if you can’t go to Baerlon, do you still meet Min? Do you still encounter the Whitecloaks? Do you still have dreams of Ba’alzamon? Etc). I’m betting that most things that feel the most unnecessarily

changed to people from the books (even if they’re hugely separated from that specific location) will be borne out of a location specific change.

Q: Do you attempt to keep book dialogue? Or start from scratch?

A: Every writer receives a document when they begin their script put together by our book expert, Sarah, that breaks down every scene in the episode and gives specific dialogue and scene references from the books for it. Especially for scenes that aren’t from the books at all, we will find scenes from the books with the same characters together or talking about the same thing thematically. That said, predictably, almost all the dialogue in the show is not from the books so as to sound as natural as possible with our locations/actors/scenes as they’re played.

Q: How far through the series did you consider when making changes (in terms of repercussions)?

A: We have to consider it for the entire series. Which has led to many in room conversations/screaming matches where someone is like “The Yellow sister Healing someone in this scene CANNOT be Chesmal Emry. Are you kidding me? Do you know anything about Chesmal Emry. What did you just google a random Yellow sister name and pick one you liked? Fuck you and your yellow sister, it’s not going to be fucking Chesmal Emry, I guarantee you that.”

Q: Have you made changes that hurt you/Sarah to make, but were necessary for the screen?

A: The writers room floor is littered with my tears. Truly though, I don’t want people to be unprepared for how different the show is to the books. To do a proper adaptation, it has to be. As a thought exercise, just imagine we can only do four of the cities from EoTW. So from Emonds Field, Taren Ferry, Baerlon, Shadar Logoth, Whitebridge, Four Kings, Breen’s Spring, Caemlyn, Fal Dara, which do you choose? What are the knock-on effects for character and story from the ones you don’t go to? Which characters haven’t met each other now and how can you reconnect them? We have amazing writers and hugely helpful support in Brandon and Harriet to tackle these changes. But they’re not small. Gird your loins, my friends.

Q: What made you change Thom playing the lyre to a guitar?

A: Thom is a good example of changes made for the show. For one, I want characters to appear when we have the time to spend to properly introduce them and get enough scenes for them to attract a great actor for the role. You will never see scenes on this show where four random people appear, say two lines, and then disappear for seasons. It just won’t get you the caliber of actor you need and it doesn’t properly intro that character to the audience. So for Thom, we wanted to give him a proper introduction, and we also wanted him to have a strong masculine energy that made a counterpoint to Moiraine. We saw actors of all ages, races, and vibes to play Thom but when Alex Willaume’s tape came through we knew he was Thom and moved toward his vibe for the character which was younger and grittier than books Thom. The guitar looks much more fitting in his hands and with his voice than a lyre. When he stomps onto stage in the show, it’s a MOMENT, and that’s what we wanted for Thom. Never fear, multi colored cloak is still in existence, but different than you imagine. Isis (our costume designer) nailed it.

Q (from Twitter): How much of the monster / trolloc / fade / dragkhar design is being done practically, vs digital effects? Mostly makeup and prosthetics? And with that, how closely does the design match the text? (Totally smooth faces on fades, varieties of trollocs, etc.)

A: We have worked hard to use as many practical effects and pieces as possible for Trollocs/Fades, but don’t want to spoil all the secrets until you watch the BTS after ths1st Season Developing. Additional questions and answers will be added as they come up.

[ratfuck]

when barney said "tell dr. breen I said FUCK YOU" when i played half life 2 when i was 13 I made the biggest fucking pog face ever